The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Several Huge Announcements

Episode Date: November 10, 2024

HERE IS WHERE YOU CANBuy the book: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksListen to the album on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2AmTKUd2n9VwRgzQHfr7rACome to the gigs: https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsCheck out The Blonde Way: https://youtu.be/ilQgTGDlUkk?si=2IMszL70VVBxEfHpJoin the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com The announcements that I have for you today, dear sweet listener slash enjoyer of visual component of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. The show where I, James Donald Forbes McCann, am trying to raise enough money to buy a boat. The announcements are so exciting that I would like to preemptively apologize for announcing them here in the normal room where we do the podcast. This normal room is not nearly exciting enough to match the excitement level of the announcements that I'm about to make. I had thought about going

outside and doing this podcast on a hill or by a waterfall. I certainly wanted some shrubbery. I wanted the greatness of nature to reflect the greatness of the announcements that I have for you here on the program where I'm trying to raise $500,000 to buy a boat. And I just didn't do it. The week got away with me. We went to San Antonio yesterday, went to an art gallery. We've got three beautiful, sweet, small children that I'm looking after. I've got a sweet, beautiful wife that I'm looking after.

And they're just, you know, the episode has to come out today. So, no shrubs, no waterfall, no nothing. Just this room. Here's some footage of a waterfall. I'm not actually there, but if you're watching the visual component, at least you'll have some footage of a waterfall. To have the splendor of nature. Let's get rid of the waterfall while I

announce these three enormous things. I'm going to tell you what they are now before I go into detail. The book of poems is out. The album is out of music and new tour dates have been announced. And those three also I've made a huge discovery. I don't know if that counts as an announcement. It doesn't help me make money for the catamaran plan in any way, but I've made a huge discovery. I don't know if that counts as an announcement. It doesn't help me make money for the catamaran plan in any way. But I've made a huge discovery that I'm really pleased with. And I hope you'll be pleased with it too. And I hope to share it. But the important thing, ladies and gentlemen, here on the James Donald Forbes McCann is the three announcements, maybe four.

We have time. We will have time. It's always a stretch to get to the end because I talk to myself and a podcast where you talk to yourself is a recipe for feeling mad. But I don't feel mad. I feel happy because we have three huge... The Book of Poems is out

and it's a number one bestseller. It's not just a number one bestseller. It's several times over a number one bestseller. It's not just a number one bestseller. It's several times over a number one bestseller. Number one bestselling comedy book. Number one bestselling. I was going to go number two with the hands, but it's also number one. Number one on a different finger, perhaps. Comedy poems.

Comedy in general. It's also the top erotic poetry for some reason. I don't remember categorizing the book the top erotic poetry for some reason i don't remember categorizing the book as being erotic poetry i don't know if the ai has done that or if i've done it and forgotten but nevertheless it's the number one best-selling book of erotic poetry on amazon there are some erotic poems in there splish splash it's out now perfect christmas present i think i make about seven dollars per book so after, if we can sell 100,000 copies of that book, I'll be able to buy a boat immediately. I don't really know what the

tax rate is. I haven't been thinking about taxes and how much I'm going to have to pay. And we're living hand to mouth and I will have to pay taxes. So that will be something to enjoy in the new year. The Book of Palms is out now. It's sold so well. Where's the book? I've got the book somewhere. Is this the book? No. This is Hannah Arendt on anti-Semitism. I've been enjoying that. I mixed her up with Rosa Luxemburg for years. That's just a different German Jewish lady from a different world war. I thought Hannah Arendt was a communist. She's not. She's a, you know, really interesting thinker. Not that some communists can't be

interesting thinkers, but she's not quite so dogmatic. Splish splash! My new book of poems, photo and cover design by Margot. There's a big banner around mine that says Not For Resale, because that is you know, it's not for resale. That's just my copy.

But yours will not have a not for resale banner on it if you buy it. And you'll be free to resell that at whatever price you do so choose. And I apologize to the first, however many people who bought that during the first day, there was a typo. The one typo that I found and I fixed it. So if you buy it now, I don't think you will have the typo. But if you bought it then, congratulations, you was a typo, one typo that I found, and I fixed it. So if you buy it now, I don't think you will have the typo, but if you bought it then, congratulations, you got a typo. Number one best-selling comedy book, Splish Splash, Suck It, Jimmy Carr. We beat Jimmy Carr, and we went to number one. Now, here's an admission, something that I found out about

the Amazon bestseller lists. Oh, they're sneaky. I think they update it by the hour. So, yes, in the first hour that Splish Splash came out, it sold more. And then I think it's come right down underneath Jimmy Carr. It was probably Jimmy Carr for a full year. And then one minute of me. And then back to, excuse me, some sort of burp situation. Carr back on top.

And we love Jimmy Carr and that's why it's all the sweeter to defeat him. We respect Jimmy Carr and so to have been better than him in the sales department for even a moment is such a sweet joy.

Suck it, Carr. I've never met Jimmy Carr but my friend Amos Gill sometimes opens for him. We'd love to have Jimmy Carr here on the podcast. The vanquished opposition, Jimmy Carr. Sorry, here was what I was trying to say about the bestseller. Yes, it happens very

quickly. So you shoot to the top, and then if you don't sustain high levels of sales per hour, you shoot back down. And I believe the sneaky reason that Amazon does this is so more people get the experience of being number one, even for a short period of time. And then you can go around saying, Oh, look at me. I'm a number one bestseller. And people can go, Number one bestselling book of snacks or erotic poetry or commentaries on Hannah Arendt's anti-Semitism.

And then you can use that for marketing. You sell more books. Amazon makes more money. It's very clever. Use that money for their rocket ships and to make the lives of people who work for them very bad. I do not like that the only way to get the book is on Amazon as a print-on-demand.

I think it would be better if I had a more conventional publisher or open my own publishing house, but... Hitherto, I've never sold enough books of poems to make that... sensible. It would have been a bizarre risk to say, let's print 1,000 copies of Splish Splash. And then I could have moved 32 copies of Splish Splash. Hello out there.

Children having a very nice time out in the front yard. Anyway, then I would have just been left with 1,000 minus whatever number I said of copies of Splish Splash. And I couldn't do that to myself and my family, wading through copies of Splish Splash, splishing and splashing about. Splish Splash, it's out now. And one nice thing about the Book of Poems

is I'll be able to do promotional work and we'll try and sell even more. Wouldn't it be nice to move 100,000 copies? I'll stop talking about it. There are other announcements. Except to say, if I may grant myself one splish-splash-based exception, is the audiobook. Gee, I wish I hadn't had a little voice squeak while saying audiobook, because I've read the audiobook, and I'd like to give people faith that I read it properly. The audiobook is out now on the Patreon.

If you'd like to sign up to the Patreon for as little as five Australian dollars a month, which I think is about three pennies in the United States, you may. The audiobook is out on Amazon now. Also out now is my new album of music, 20 Tracks, Sometimes I Wish We Were a Catamaran. That's out now. Now I will, I have to preface this in saying that I have an album of music by I know that it is disgusting when someone comes out with music and that's not their main deal.

If they're successful in another field and then say, would you like to listen to my band? It's really one of the most revolting things that a person can do. Unless that person is Jason Schwartzman and he's letting you know that he did the drumming for the OC soundtrack, or at least that opening. That's Jason Schwartzman on the drums. Don't remember what the drums are doing in that song. Didn't demand a lot of attention. Maybe that's the sign of a good drummer. Anywho, it's revolting when a person who's specializing in another field, you know, when your math teacher, your mathematics teacher

has an album. But a decade or more, Russell Crowe having a band was a source of great merriment, and not in terms of they listened to the music and enjoyed it, but there was that South Park joke about his friend and tugboat executing himself to get out of having to listen to the music. It's gross. When I see a comedian or someone on the Facebook or the Instagram and they say, hey, this is my music, I think, please don't make me listen to it. That's very embarrassing for both of us.

And then despite that feeling, I've gone and done it anyway. Sometimes I wish we were a catamaran. It's out now. I'm also aware that music is not my gift. I went to a school, as so many people did and do and will do in the future. Unless I have something to say about it. And, you know, you meet people who are really good at music. The boy with the guitar or doing the hot clarinet solo in the jazz band.

And they were all, there's, I could name dozens of people at my high school who were better at making music than I am. And the fact that I've gone and made an album is sort of gross but I liked making it and I hope you and some people have said they enjoy listening to it and even someone who's I believe this even someone who's not very good at making music can by accident make a good song one hit wonders You don't have to be a sustained good composer throughout your whole life. Everybody maybe. I think everybody might.

I hope I do. Have at least one good song in them. So that's why we've got 20 songs out now on Sometimes I Wish We Were Catamaran, available now on streaming services wherever you'd like it. Hopefully there's one good song in there. I don't know what that song is. So if you would go and listen to the album, this would be a great kindness to me. And if any song jumps out at you, I'm sure entirely

naturally, you'll just keep on listening to that song. And that will shoot to the top of the streams and then I'll know which one, if any, resonates with the people. And then I think we have to market it. Here's the other reason that I feel okay, even though I don't believe that I'm especially musically gifted. Although perhaps in the Donning Kruger sense, my not thinking I'm especially gifted is a sign of my incredible gifts. But I don't think that actually works that way at all. What was I saying? What was I saying?

Ah, yes, perhaps there's a good song in there. Anyway, what I'm saying is if there's a good song in there and people listen to it, I'll know that that's the single. Ooh, I remember what I was saying. And then we'll market it because here's the other thing that makes me feel okay about not being very gifted and having come out with an album of music is that a lot of music that is popular is not, in my opinion, very good.

The pop charts have been barren for a long, long... She's too old, the pop charts. She's menopausal. She froze her eggs and she got a couple of good ones out there in the early 2000s, but now that the time is well since past, no amount of IVF will bear fruit. And IVF, intravenous fruit. And so I feel like if they can have a hit single and make a lot of money out of it,

I don't think my music is all that much worse, if worse at all, than some of the things on the pop charts. But let's not throw good money after bad. We'll find out which is the best song on the album, according to you, the listeners, by which you stream. I'll take a look at the streams, and I'll, according to you, the listeners, by which you stream. I'll take a look at the streams and I'll see what people like. And then that'll be the single. How do we make it a successful single?

Number one, clout. I think we do a remix and we get a rapper on it. I think we do a music video. I think we get it to the blogs and the reviews and the radio stations, college radio, triple J, and then we push it. We push it hard. We're not pushing it hard yet because there's 20 songs on that album and I don't know if any of them are good.

Also, if you listen to that during the first few days of it, one of the songs is accidentally played twice and a song called Burnside Library is not on the album because I uploaded the wrong file. Again, typo for this one. Weird doubling on the other. Wouldn't it be good to have an assistant? Wouldn't it be good to take drugs to improve the executive function that I lack? That's two big ball drops on two otherwise unblemished projects.

The album and the book of poems. If you like the album so much you'd like to get the bonus tracks, guess where you can get them? You can get them over on the Patreon. The James Donald Fawcett Catamaran Plan Patreon. That's out now. It's a good thing to join. Many bonus episodes of this podcast, the audio book of that book of poems,

and the bonus tracks from that album. James, is all you're doing going to be talking about things that have come out that you're trying to push them toward? As though the podcast were merely a funnel by which to drive traffic to other money-making pursuits? No. I'm going to talk about something I discovered. I was going to talk about this at the end, but I'm so bored talking about my own ventures

that I feel absolutely that it is necessary to discuss the Blondie way. that it is necessary to discuss the Blondie Way. And I am fighting the urge throughout this podcast not to talk in the manner of the man from Blondie Way. He doesn't really talk like that either. The Blondie Way is a skateboarder, cum fashion designer, cum podcaster. His podcast is great. He only did six episodes.

It's really beautiful and well done. He does... The execution is so good and he's come up with a TV program just on the YouTube called The Blondie Way and my friend Sam Campbell showed it to me

a propos of nothing. He said, check out The Blondie Way and I did. This man is fantastic. This show is excellent. The Blondie Way. I'm three episodes in.

I've been watching it on the projector, on our little $100, not very nice. Oh, I should like to watch it. I mean, he's doing debuts in his studio in London. And I did think for a second, hold on, could I, for the final episode, hold on, could I fly to London and try and interview this incredible, charismatic man who's a great writer

just a superb actor he's playing himself so I don't know what his range would be but he's superb should I go over and try and talk to this man? I can't afford it right now but I think I'll make it over to the UK next year because I'm not

I mean when you see it you'll understand the urgency that I felt to go and do it. The Blondie Way. The Blondie Way. Go and check out The Blondie Way. It's really good. I'm halfway through. The quality could drop off, but I have such faith that it won't, that I feel confident recommending it now, even though I haven't seen the entire series. The Blondie Way. I'm going to stop saying The Blondie Way, but he's so good. He's got a very catching way of speaking, and I have caught myself sounding more toffee than I conventionally would. And if any of that has crept into this episode, you have Blondie to thank. The Blondie Way.

The final thing that I'm, you know, it's not nearly as exciting as the Blondie Way, is that I'm announcing my tour dates, new tour dates. I've now got four cities that I'll be going to before January the 18th of next year, and they are as follows. St. Petersburg, Florida, very close to Tampa. My understanding is that it was underwater for a time. December 14, you've got something to look forward to as you pump that water out. December 14, I'll be coming to St. Petersburg, Florida. Denver, January the 12th. I hope to go to Casa Bonita, but I'm told the wait list is very long and I have no way of doing it. Milwaukee. This is starting Milwaukee. There's a rap group that I like that I think is, I think A Dog's Chance is the album.

I think they're from Milwaukee. January 15th, I'll be in Milwaukee and Chicago, Jan 16th to Jan 18th. And all of those dates are up now on the jdfmccann.com slash gigs website. How's that for announcements? A new great show, The Blondie Wayie way not mine i've got nothing to do with it other than my enjoyment and my hope that other people see it new tour dates in those places a

book of poems with an audio book on the patreon and a new album bonus tracks also on the patreon I... Hey, mate, how's it going? It's morning. It's not. It's 1.05 p.m. I'll be done in a few minutes. Are you still there? I love you. I don't know if that I love you was really for him or it was because I know that you were watching

and then I felt it was a performative I love you to try and make me seem like a better father so I was listening to the Blondie Wade podcast and he was talking about authenticity and the importance of being authentic and I'd like to speak briefly for a moment with something that I struggle with which is this strange feeling where you are being authentic and you realize that you're being an authentic version of yourself

that other people might like. And that feels inauthentic. To behave in a way that other people like feels like a very inauthentic thing to do. I mean, how I knew I was being... And this is why I think so many teenagers are surly. Well, not why, but I think this might be a component of it, is that when you are turning people against you, when you're being unpleasant, you go, well, there's the social opprobrium on the one side

that I'm experiencing. This must be that internally I'm oriented the right way. But when you're really being who you are, and other people like that, and you're aware that you're being who you are and other people like that and you're aware that you're being who you are and other people will like that it has the ring of inauthenticity to me at least maybe this is a problem and that makes you not want to do it so just now when my son is shouting at me out the door and i say i love you i would usually say i love you I love you I love you but also I'm aware that I'm making a podcast at the moment and I think you would like me to say to my son that I love him you don't like to think of me as a cold um unpleasant father do you is this making any sense feel could we sorry could we have just back away from the door and the wall for just, just five minutes?

Thank you, sweetness. I don't know if this is something other people can relate to or it's just me, I don't know if this is something other people can relate to or it's just me. But when I... Come on now! Just away from the door for a moment. We're going to have some nicotine. We're going to have some nicotine. Where is...

There it is. My nicotine. I woke up in a foul mood this morning. Really foul. And I was shouting at everybody. And I'm trying to walk it back. A little nervous. I feel vulnerable having had the book of poems come out and the music.

And trying to sort out our life and the boat ownership and the money. I don't know how to get to the end of this point that I'm trying to make about authenticity, but it's haunting me daily. Honestly, sorry, I'm just doing a podcast. Can we go around the side of the house for just a little bit? Thank you. I'll be done in five. Love you.

One solution is to be entirely impersonal. I could cut all of that out and not have this problem of being seen. Being seen consciously of being seen. I think this is what Heidegger and maybe Hegel is more about. I think this is what Heidegger is all about. I started to read Heidegger and he's talking about the void. And I certainly, you know, all the existential... Jean-Paul Sartre. What little the existential, Jean-Paul Sartre,

what little I read of Jean-Paul Sartre, it's a lot about like seeing and being seen and the subject and the object and I never understood it, but I'm starting to encounter that as a problem of what it is to be authentic, because to be inauthentic is an option, but even then, you know, if you're knowingly embracing inauthenticity, maybe that's authentic. I mean, what does being authentic mean? Why is being authentic good? The answer, I think, is to have a couple of beers and relax. Huh? Or certainly to do a little bit of exercise.

These are the, these are answers, but I think a genuine intellectual answer would be good as well. And I'm, I'm very far away from having them. And I think the, the solution there would be to read very deeply into the continental philosophy, which deals with this question. I don't know that I have the time or inclination. If I don't have the time to go up onto a field or by a waterfall, what chance do I seriously give myself of finishing that Hannah Arendt?

Hmm? What, are we going finishing that Hannah Arendt? Hmm? What, are we going to audiobook Hannah Arendt? And now an excerpt from the number one selling book of erotic poetry, Splish Splash. This one's called Stylish Hispanic. I saw a stylish Hispanic lad almost bowl a perfect game. He wasn't taking it especially seriously. There was much dancing and it was neon disco bowling night.

And I don't think he'd bowled all that much in the past. He seemed surprised by how well it was going. It was as good a thing as I have ever seen. I showed up at the bowling alley bright and early the next morning, no neon, no disco, no merriment at all, just lots of fat children in what appeared to be a bowling league for very fat children indeed. I bowled alone.

I bowled 58. I blew out my elbow. It continues to hurt. And now the Sometimes I Wish We were a catamaran mega mix. All 20 songs from the album played simultaneously. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend,

I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting The Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. podcast. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.