The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Shining King

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Shining King. Shining King. Shining King. I see you out there. Shining king.

What you're doing is terrific. You're the king of doing your thing. And you deserve your honorific. Shine, shine, shine. You should have a championship ring. But they don't want to see you shine, king. That's why these motherfuckers who ain't shit will see you shine and not acknowledge it. Put aside your wounded pride. Try to take it in your stride. One day soon

they'll hunt you down and kill you and make it look like a suicide. So honestly, King, if anything, rest easy in that lack of acknowledgement. Because one day these bitch-ass motherfuckers are literally going to kill you. Probably leave your body in weird sexual circumstances so that you're remembered as a degenerate monster. You'd be shocked at how many of the famous people we remember as having been degenerate monsters were kings. Beautiful and true. Out here shining. Just like you. Shining.

Shining. Shining. Hello and welcome once again to the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. I'm James Donald Forbes McCann and this is a podcast about me trying to earn enough money to buy a boat. Looking for $500,000. Last year I had a book of poems come out and let me tell you, the new book of poems is cooking up something nice. I think we probably have enough poems ready to go. I've got to say, of all the ways we tried to make money last year,

the book of poems was not the most lucrative. But it was also not the most time-consuming. Not that hard to write a bad poem. So good to be... Oh, I'm in Sydney. I'm in Sydney at a pub. I'm living at a pub for a few days I went on one of those websites that give you cheap next day deals

Because I was going to drive over with my family We were going to stop into Wagga Wagga and come over here But life was a bit too hectic and I had a chat with the wife And I said, well, alright, what if I just go? And she said, okay So it's just me here for three days Staying in a little... I don't know, it's don't know, it's a pub, isn't it? On the internet it said that it had a shower.

I did interpret that to mean its own shower. I didn't think you'd include that if it was a communal shower. But there we go. Yes. Oh, and there are a lot of smells and sounds staying in a pub, I booked into the pub, because I thought that would be cool, you know, I thought that would be, oh, that's what life would have been like in a medieval town, you're on a pilgrimage, you're traveling through, you go to the public house, you have a beautiful dinner, you go upstairs, or have your bed, and that is basically what has happened, and that's how I'm living it, but yeah, I mean, I don't know what I expected, it's a pub shower, it's a pub toilet, and there are pub bugs in the bed, and it's, yeah, we might stay in a hotel for the last night. We might splurge.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. It's right, very central Sydney. Man, I just love, listen, no disrespect on Perth, but money has ruined that CBD. And it's just big skyscrapers and you didn't keep many of your old facades and it makes my heart sad. But being in Sydney, good Sydney, good walkable Sydney.

Rich people Sydney. Inner East Sydney. Oh, it's like a beautiful world city. I love it so much. Rich Sydney. Never been to poor Sydney. Don't plan on going to poor Sydney. Would love to have fans out there.

But even when I lived in Sydney I didn't have a car I didn't drive and there was never a day after work where I thought you know what let's just go as far west as we can I'd love to I love the music that comes out of there

I love the drill music sorry I'm rambling I've been rambling a lot lately I'm losing my mind I'm doing these shows at the well I did the drill music. Sorry, I'm rambling. I've been rambling a lot lately. I'm losing my mind. I'm doing these shows at the... Well, I did the first show last night at the comedy store. And I've never had so many boos. Boos is maybe an overstatement.

Ooh, oohs. Oohing. And it's, you know, the oohs turn into rounds of applause very easily. They don't for everybody, but, you know, if you say something a little scandalous and people go, ooh, and you go, oh, you love it, you dirty bitch, then often they'll go, yes, we do. It's a sad realisation.

Is it a happy realisation? I don't know. It's a realisation. It it a happy realization? I don't know. It's a realization. It's not the noise I want. I've got to do something to the jokes so that they do not allow people to moo and boo at me. Again, they're having a good time, but the mooing and the booing is not what i set out to achieve it's going very uh otherwise well other than the lodgings in the show and the financial situation everything's going very well my laptop is good that's nice i'm able to travel with a laptop and i bought a keyboard years ago

and i put it in for repairs because it didn't work. Like a little Korg traveling input keyboard and it was being repaired for over a year and I was very slack and I would just think for the catamaran plan it would be so good when I had a keyboard that I could just do my own little background music and it never got repaired.

So I finally wrote and I said, hey, I'm following up on everything now, you know? Following up on why wasn't there any money for the podcast? Oh, this is why? Hey, great, we can move ahead. So I followed up on the keyboard and they're like, oh, yeah, hold on. And then very quickly, bang, keyboard.

Oh, you got to send the email. You got to make the call. You got to text the person. This is, I'm becoming more disciplined in that way. And my look is starting to actually detach from how disciplined I am becoming on the inside. I went to a pancake house last night and I saw a photo of myself with my big Rasputin beard and my dumb cut-it-yourself hair. I'm going to go to a barbershop today, I think, and get something neat and tidy. I look for the future. Chops and a mow and a mullet, something like that.

Oh, a little ding there. And the ding says... Oh, gee. Someone's starting some drama. Apologies for my unprofessionalism. Now, there are some things that I have to say in this spirit of sending emails and following up on things and getting the things that need to get done, done. I want to tell you about three catamaran plan related activities. Number one, that show with Alessio Carducci. I don't think I said when it was. It's on May the 3rd, downstairs at the Rhino Room in Adelaide. Alessio Carducci's coming to town. I'll be doing, you know, half an hour, 40 minutes of new comedy, and he'll be doing half an hour,

40 minutes of his best comedy, and we're going to record it, and I think we'll both put them online. I have now 40 minutes of his best comedy, and we're going to record it, and I think we'll both put them online. As his manager, that's what I dictate. Alessio Carducci, please get behind a catamaran talent, this new roster that we're building. Also some very exciting news on the roster to come. So that's the first thing.

Alessio Carducci, May 3rd, tickets on sale now. I'll put a link in the podcast episode number two, I am coming back to Sydney. So for everybody listening to this in Sydney, going, but James, you didn't tell us that you were coming to Sydney. Aha! That's because I'm doing some promo spots at the moment for my Sydney Comedy Festival show, and I didn't want to burn you coming to these shows

instead of the Sydney Comedy Festival one. So, Sydney Comedy Festival May 10 and May 12 at the Factory Theatre. And I have a day off in between. So, I almost certainly won't do anything with that time. I'll just sit and look at a wall.

I won't be looking at a wall in a pub. I'll be trying to find someone to stay with for free when I come back. So, yes, the Sydney Comedy Festival, link down below as well May 10, May 12, the show is called Mechanifesto And depending on how much time I have between now and then It'll either be a very high concept show Or it'll be a normal stand-up show with about 5 minutes of me

Describing what the high concept version of it was going to be. Ooh, doesn't that sound like a treat? And the last thing, this is the final week where if you join the Patreon, you get a commemorative plate. Play-Doh Palooza has been very successful. We've got more money coming in, and isn't that just an absolute treat? Play-Doh Palooza, you get a commemorative plate if you join the Patreon in the month of April. So you have this week to join the Patreon.

Okay, now that we're done with the administrative stuff, I have some exciting news. I received a letter this week from a man named Jake Ford, and it pertains to catamaran talent. I've skim-read the letter, but let's read it now in real time together. It says, Dear James Donald Forbes McCann, My name is Jake Ford, and I wish to express both my excitement and interest in outlining for you why I believe I would serve as a valuable asset to your catamaran talent portfolio.

What a beautiful start. I wish to start off by addressing the obvious. You may remember me from two good chat lineups you emceed in 2021. One where I did quite well and the other I did not. Jake Ford off the top of my head I don't remember but I don't remember anything. Okay in those those times, I was young and foolish, interested in nothing more than looking aesthetically pleasing and promising cinematic universes that were actually quite shit. It goes on. I have come to understand through maturing over these past two years that I was what you would call a fuckhead. I do call people fuckheads all the time. I was what you would call a fuckhead.

I do call people fuckheads all the time. And that is true. That's what I would say. This man's a listener. And it's only now that I feel I have garnered the experience and honed the skills, both personal and professional, appropriate for a well-rounded yet low-tier comedian that am writing to you now. This is beautiful stuff.

I've had many of these realizations. I had one this morning. Everything in my past is rotten and now I am reborn as the fresh strong man. Anyway, I'll continue with the email. Starting comedy at 18 in 2015. I also, I think I started at 17. I took an open mic at the sit down in Paddington, Queensland. The stage is too high. He doesn't say that, I do. I found that I enjoyed it and wished to pursue it through the close of high school and into the future whilst studying. I initially studied film and television, looking forward to partnering it with psychology before moving into the academic critical spaces. It was in late 2016 I chose instead to transition to the biology and biomedical science spaces in order to boost my job prospects. Smart man. Studying took a lot of commitment from

me and demanded a lion's share of my time. You don't have to tell me, Jake Ford. I limped my way through five years of doing comedy and university stuff. Really speaking to my experience here. Adding to this, I moved out of home young, supporting myself, working two to three jobs at a time in order to support myself. I like what I'm hearing. Bootstraps type stuff here from Jake Ford. Protestant work ethic.

I made these sacrifices willingly, yet in order to do so, I had very little time for comedy and the associated post-show hangs. Wow. Yes. Yes. I came back into the Brisbane scene in 2019 doing shows at the Milk Factory. I'll just say, it's really hard to know how much of the post-show hang to do. I did too much post-show hanging early on, and it really spoiled me because I was always being a kid fixing to start some shit. And now I don't hang to avoid that.

But you do have to do some hanging to get to know people. So I just, yes, that resonated with me as well. Gosh, Jack Ford actually hitting a lot of the key points you want to know about a client here. So, oh, I took shows at the Milk Factory outside Goma, run by Chris Martin. Splendid. From there, I took part in Good Chat's 2020 Brat Pack Comedy Comp,

where I met Jake Smith and his team. And may I just say, Jake Smith is an excellent man, and I love him very much. And I love his team. From there, I branched out to consistently do shows in Brisbane, driving down to Bolina with Nick Carr in 2021, that would have been a fun time as well. Shows included Grease, A Sit Down, Jelly Roger Bar, Don't Choke Comedy and a range of others run by Chloe Madren, Zach Hadfield, Thomas Bleach etc. Good to know that a lot of different people

book you. In 2021 it's a lot of different people book you. In 2021, it's always a problem when people are only getting booked at one place, I find, you know? Means they have a friend there rather than they're a good talent. The letter goes on. It's a long letter. It's a long letter. It's a long letter. Now, I'll say what doesn't accompany this letter is a recording of Jake Ford's stand-up comedy. And that's important. Jake, I'm going to need you. I'm just going to say, I'm going to interrupt the letter and say,

I will need you to send me some footage of you doing stand-up comedy. If you could record some, go to one of those clubs that you've just mentioned and do some footage with the stand-up, that would be great. Just a five-minute set. That should be fine. Now I shall continue. Okay. So in 2021, he says, I was able to submit and successfully take part in the Good Chat Festival

with Defective Progeny. This show was a full solo hour about my life as an elder sibling of a middle-class Australian-slash-South African family. Hold on. You didn't tell me you had a South African accent, Jake Ford. Have you got a South African accent? Ooh, you know I love a South African accent. I was just with a man named Chris from South Africa in Perth.

Everything he said was, I love that. It's half the battle. It's half the battle. Now, hold on, I got lost again. Moving on from this, I did another solo show called Hero's Journey with GC in December 2021 and an updated and much tighter defective progeny in the March of 2022. So he's got a show and maybe an accent.

Oh, I hope you haven't lost the accent. The experience these opportunities have provided me as well as the dialogue and friendships with people such as Jamison Gilders. Smart to drop Jamison Gilders' name in there. Wonderful Jamison Gilders. I've worked with her too. She did the cover for Marlon Brando 9-11, my first book of poems. Jamison Gilders. Irreplaceable and priceless.

That's true. Friendship is beautiful. Whilst being a low tier but persevering comedian, I've been given the chance to experience what it takes to write a cohesive hour. Do free open mics with disinterested audiences on the Gold Coast, enjoy tight fives at places like Good Chat, and develop thick skin through bombing or simple underperforming at various places.

I'm going to be honest with you, Jake Ford. You've taken a turn with that sentence. That sentence was, I have learned from doing very badly over and over again. I'd leave that out, man. I would, I'd leave that out. As your manager, if I become your manager, I will be leaving that out. Taking all of these experiences and lessons, I have moved to Melbourne in pursuit of more opportunities and to climb the ladder and present my art. Jake, I've moved to Melbourne many times to try and climb the ladder and present my art. Jake, I've moved to Melbourne

many times to try and climb the ladder and present my art and I wish you good fate, good fortune. Try not to fuck anybody. And yeah, it's very clicky. It's a clicky scene. I am more than ever developing my communication and interpersonal skills to make me better at sending messages and requesting spots slash slots. I take writing times seriously and I'm looking to take the next step in developing a career in comedy that is, this word is in bold, professional. Keep it professional, baby. And meaningful to me, my family and management, which is what has brought me to you. which is what has brought me to you. Being a long-time listener of the JDFMC PCP,

ah, maybe he has a commemorative plate on the way, when I heard of the new venture Catamaran Talent, I was very excited. I have done Dirty Secrets and other shows where Alessio Carducci has performed. And while I have not found the right time to fully introduce myself, I believe he is a good man and grand comedian. He is a great choice to be represented. My partner and I have now moved to the city and are looking to develop our careers. He is a physician and I a scientist. I thought it was a good time as any to reach out and throw my hat into the ring too. So why would you represent me? What makes me a valuable and likely lucrative asset to the JDFM brand?

These are great questions. All right, we've got some pros and cons he's written out. Pro, respectful and punctual to all events. That is a pro. You can't be a pro without having that pro. Two, articulate and well-read. Bit show-offy, but good to know. Two, articulate and well-read.

Bit show-offy, but good to know. Three, dedication to my craft and competent in dividing time to each task in my life. Hey, that's better than me. Four, young and aesthetically marketable. That's what I like to hear. Hotties only on JDFM talent. I mean, catamaran talent. Four, five, five, five.

I am gay, but that is not important to me. I do not have any material because it is not my identity. I'm wondering the extent to which that is a pro. I'm gay, but I refuse to market myself as a gay man. Well, if you're gay, I mean, financially, you'd have to do a lot of work. They call it the pink dollar. Is that the pink dollar? Pink dollar might actually be women.

Rainbow dollar? There's all these gay festivals and stuff, which would pay you through the nose to perform for them. That's where the gay comedians get a lot of their money. And I'm not sure that the people who run those festivals would want to talk to me. But if you're looking to make it as a gay man not playing those festivals, maybe I can help. Next one, longevity. Because I am young and healthy,

you could make great compounding financial gains on my material and identity over the course of the next several decades how good that's that's the sort of thing i like to hear before locking a man into a very very unattractive contract fully malleable ella i am open to taking any and all advice from those with more experience than me. Okay, you should definitely stop doing that. Never listen to anybody. Unless you listen to that advice. A little bit of an Ouroboric situation.

Next one. Critical thinking. I am mature. And now focused on establishing a strong foundation for a future with my family. I just love them. I am both fully malleable and I exercise critical thinking. Whatever you need me to be, I can. Good at crab work is the next one. And I believe in God.

Look, these are all great things. Con, here's the con. I struggle to find the courage to ask for spots. Well, I'm pretty good at doing that one. We continue. Now post pro and con. Wow, that's a lot of pros and one con. Just looking at it on the page,

I feel I'd be very silly not to take this man under my wing. Here's the end of the email. While this seems like a long and vague list, I would be more than happy to openly have a discussion with you over prospects for the future. I am fully available for meetings over FaceTime, Zoom, Teams, etc. I also have tech experience running tech for Blurria IRL, a full-season show from Sydney comedian Amelia Navaskews at Bard's Apothecary.

Man, that's a great name. Navaskews. He writes, I think that being represented by catamaran talent would stand us both in good stead. Man, that's a great name. Never skews. He writes, I think that being represented by catamaran talent would stand us both in good stead. I'm young and my career malleable under your tutelage and guidance. I'm also very open to having constructive discussions

about percentages. I care about the exposure and the opportunities over financial gains nine out of 10 times. That's pretty good because Alessio Carducci on the last episode talked my rate up to 20%. I only wanted 15. I believe that I could show valuable and consistent gains

under your guidance and excel. If you have questions or want to talk, please contact me at phone number. I look forward to hearing back from you to further discuss opportunities with the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. Sincerely, Jacob Radford, stage name Jake Ford. Wow, look, Jake. Yes, we're going to have you on the podcast. We'll have you on the podcast. We'll organize an interview with you, Jake. We'll talk this out. I am going to need you to send me a clip of your stand-up. If you could send me a five-minute spot, I would really appreciate that. And let's do it. Let's have the chat. What a beautiful email to receive. I had been thinking I would just have one client happy to have this. I don't even know if I'm a good manager. You know,

I haven't yet actually booked any of Alessio's flights or accommodation. I've just booked him to be here for shows. Mmm. I better get on that. Look, let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Jumping in the deep end with two clients at once. I guess that's double the money. Jake.

Yes. Jake Ford. Let's talk about it. Send me a clip if you stand up and we'll do an interview this week. Okay. I wanted to end on this. See, I don't... I hope to be a good manager or at least bring somebody in who I can trust who will do some excellent managerial work for at least Alessio Carducci

and perhaps, who knows, Jake Ford and maybe even other people. But I just... I struggle to... Like, I was meant to book in all of Alessio's stuff, and I guess I'll do that today. But what I've done this week instead, with the laptop and the keyboard, is set some of the speeches of Ronald Reagan to music. So that's how I'm going to close out this episode.

Hi, fellow Americans. This is the 34th time I'll speak to you from the Oval Office, and the last. We've been together eight years now, and soon it'll be time for me to go. But before I do, I wanted to share some thoughts, some of which I've been saving for a long time. It's been the honor of my life to be your president. So many of you have written the past few weeks to say thanks, but I could say as much to you.

Nancy and I are grateful for the opportunity you gave us to serve. One of the things about the presidency is that you're always somewhat apart. You spend a lot of time going by too fast in a car someone else is driving and seeing the people through tinted glass, the parents holding up a child and wave you saw too late and couldn't return and so many times I wanted to stop and reach out from behind the glass and connect. Maybe I can do a little of that tonight. People ask how I feel about leaving and the fact is parting is such sweet sorrow. The sweet part is California and the ranch and freedom. The sorrow, the goodbyes of course, and leaving this beautiful place. You know down the hall and up the stairs from this office is the part of the

White House where the President and his family live. There are a few favorite windows I have up there that I like to stand and look out of early in the morning. The view is over the grounds here to the Washington Monument, then the Mall, and the Jefferson Memorial. But on mornings when the humidity is low, you can see past the Jefferson to the river, the Potomac, and the Virginia shore. Someone said that's the view Lincoln had when he saw the smoke rising from the Battle of Bull Run. But I see more prosaic things. The grass on the banks, the morning traffic as people make their way to work, now and then a sailboat on the river. I've been thinking a bit at that window.

I've been reflecting on what the past eight years have meant and mean, and the image that comes to mind like a refrain is a nautical one. A small story about a big ship and a refugee and a sailor. It was back in the early 80s at the height of the boat people and the sailor was hard at work on the carrier Midway which was patrolling the South China Sea. The sailor like most American servicemen was young, smart and fiercely observant. The crew spied on the horizon a leaky little boat, and crammed inside were refugees from Indochina hoping to get to America. The Midway sent a small launch to bring them to the ship in safety. As the refugees made their way through the choppy seas, one spied the sailor on

deck and stood up and called out to him. He yelled, hello, American sailor. Hello, freedom man. A small moment with a big meaning. A moment the sailor who wrote it in a letter couldn't get out of his mind. And when I saw it, neither could I. Because that's what it has to, it was to be an American in the 1980s. We stood again for freedom. I know we always have, but in the past few years the world again and in a way we ourselves rediscovered it.