The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - simplicity

Episode Date: September 17, 2023

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Acast.com Ladies and gentlemen, the theme for today's podcast is simplicity. Simplicity. Simplicity. What an excellent theme. Let us celebrate simplicity.

I never thought it would be that easy. Yes, we all know the feeling when life is just getting a bit too complicated and it feels as though you're living inside of the song Yellow Submarine. Well, what I'd like to do this week is just pare it back a little bit and emphasise simplicity. Because if we have an efficient and simple podcast, then all the more speedily shall I zoom-zoom towards... I don't know, man.

Listen, my life's too complicated. This is a podcast about having a boat. I just want to roll up, do the boat podcast, make a lot of money on the ads, roll out with my sweet big fat stacks of boat cash. I made a list of all the things I was going to talk about on today's podcast. It's, there's so much. It's way too much.

Like I'm going on tour this week and that'll be great. I'm taking Sam Clark with me. We're going to shoot a special in Melbourne, Wagga Wagga and Sydney. He's going to shoot it with VHS tapes. I didn't ask him to do that but he's going to do that. He stalked me around when he first said,

I'm thinking of shooting you a special on VHS tapes. I almost said, you've gone mad, son. You've gone loopy in there. The more I thought about it, the more I thought, it is actually quite cool to have some VHS tapes and catch a train to different cities. It's very fun. It's very me. I'm looking forward to it.

So I've got to talk about that. I've got to talk about this bloody art auction. I've got to talk about this book of poems. I've got to talk about New Zealand. I've got to talk about America. I mean, at what point are we talking about the bloody boat? At what point are we growing the boat podcast? And is it not just heaps of admin for crying out loud? So simplicity, simplicity. more beautiful than simplicity. The flowers of the field or the, I guess, the bees.

Oh, the bees and the birds, they both have simplicity. So I hopped on the Patreon this week and I said, hey, I want to make the podcast making process more simple. I'm going to start getting rid of stuff because a lot of the stuff on the podcast, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work. I've had people listen to the podcast before, friends of mine, and they said, James, I went on a plane this week. I tried to listen to your podcast. I couldn't sure it doesn't work I've had people listen to the podcast before friends of mine

and they said James I went on a plane this week I tried to listen to your podcast I couldn't do it so I got on the Patreon and if you want to contribute financially to my boat ownership you can get on the Patreon

and I said beloved sailing club members we close in on a hundred episodes and I think that's a good full number an occasion for reappraisal Beloved Sailing Club members, we close in on 100 episodes, and I think that's a good full number, an occasion for reappraisal. A boat must be streamlined. We cannot be weighed down by unnecessary accoutrement. That which is rotten and useless must be thrown overboard. Man, this is more purple than I remember writing it.

So too it is with the boat podcast, I write. If the podcast is to accelerate toward personal boat ownership, only the vital components can be allowed to remain. And so I ask you, dear Sailing Club member, which is what I asked, what do you especially like about the podcast? As I turn my censorious glare to the podcast making process, what would you like me to say? Now, the first message that someone wrote was, it was under the pseudonym Kid Cuddy. I don't think it's actually

Kid Cuddy, but if it is Kid Cuddy, hello. It was do more episodes like the boat shoe episode. And I was actually, I was touched to receive that message because I really liked making the boat shoe episode and it just didn't, it took so long. It took me days and days and days to research the boat shoe, the editing. It was the opposite of simple, frankly, the boat shoe episode, but I like doing it. It's just that it had the same impact in terms of listeners and feedback up until this point that things that I just dashed out in 45 minutes have taken. So I thought, well, if it's that amount of effort for the boat shoot, but I see now if that's become a fan favorite, that could be good. That could be a useful, it's the opposite of simplicity, but sometimes, you know, just focusing on being great is simple and we busy

ourselves. So maybe I'll do more like the boat shoe episode. And Daniel comments on that as well. The boat shoe episode might be the best. Top five. And a lot of people like that. So good to hear that people like the boat shoe episode. That's brought me happiness. If thrown into question, my ability to quickly make this a simple podcast. Liam writes,

Ocean News. And this is the same Liam who's currently protesting on the Patreon the bringing back onto the podcast of ads. So, I give with one hand, I take with the other, Liam. Ocean News. He says, I do not live near the ocean. Are the sea levels rising or falling?

I'll give you a hint, Liam. They're always rising and falling it's called the tide and that's one of the things we might cover on ocean news in the future what secrets do the deep sea trenches hold great question has a manatee formed a special friendship with the tortoise i I can find out. Is the ocean still there or has it been replaced by dunes like in the movie Dune? I don't know. I don't have ocean news, says Liam. Well, I will just say I don't think the oceans are replaced by dunes in the movie Dune because by that point in the story, the oceans have not returned to Arrakis. That happens later as to the re-emergence of the not-oceans over the then-oceans. Do you know what I'm saying, Liam?

Anyway, I can bring back ocean news. That's something I can do. And Monica writes, I too miss the ocean news. See, that's good. Ocean news is not that hard to generate because there's always news about the ocean that no one is reporting it's an easy intro sting it's easy to find some copyright free chinese music in the background which was a stylistic choice i made at the beginning of doing ocean news and even

though i don't remember why i did that i see no reason to change it. Yes, we can bring back ocean news. It's formulaic. It's good. It's news about the ocean. Ian Nick says affirmations. Affirmations. And Robert comments, including the affirmation echoes. You are welcome. Yes, I think we can definitely bring the affirmations back.

That's not hard to do at all. That's a high payoff, low energy. You see what I'm looking for here? High payoff, low energy on my part. That's the secret to just churning these out. And then if it gets easy enough, I could do two a week. We could double the listenership, assuming that there's no fall off, maybe even triple the listenership because more people are like, whoa, I wasn't going to give my time to a silly once a week podcast, a twice a week week podcast that's a guy who cares

it's about lowering the energy and ratcheting up the results robert writes i loved the huge cash giveaway robert i'm so glad no one got involved at the time but we do have 10 times the listeners now that we did then so maybe it's time to bring back the huge cash giveaway he said he in particularly he liked the liberal echo effects. Well, I already gave you some echo effects earlier for affirmations, Robert. So I'm not doing it again now. We've got to ration those out. Those aren't easy.

That's not simple to put in. So we can have them. All right, you can just have one. Huge cash giveaway affirmation. I gave you a little bonus one in the end. And Robert also writes, I made my wife listen to it. And I had hoped that you'd do something silly like that again. Robert, I see that in our future together.

Yes! There's a couple more comments. Matt writes something very nice. Thank you for Matt. It's been nice saying he especially seems to like the commentary on people walking past the Volvo. I'm in the Echoey office today, so there can be none of that right now. But Matt, I appreciate it and all your kind words.

Joel wants the post-production sound effects kept. And Daniel, also in for the affirmations. Wow. Affirmations segment, very popular. Thanks all for that. If you have anything else you'd like to contribute, non-Patreon people or Patreon people who haven't had a chance yet, there's a thread open on the Patreon where you can say what you like. You can also feel free to say what you don't like that I can get rid of. I will just add the

podcast is growing very well. It's growing at the same rate that it always seems to grow at. We've cracked a thousand downloads a week on average. We always seem, last week it was around 1.3. So we're growing, we're knowing, we're showing, we're blowing, we're howling. It's great times for the growth. I just want to see if we can grow more easier, get rid of the bad stuff and just have all the good gear. Now the opposite of good gear, I'm now going to run through a series of administrative things that I mentioned before. So there's a tour coming up.

I'm in Melbourne on Thursday. I'm in Wagga Wagga on Friday. I'm in Sydney on Saturday. Tickets are available now. Please do come out to that. We're filming a special. Next thing, the art auction, October 13. We're doing the art auction again.

I sent an email out to my Substack people. I'm doing press. I think we're going to be in the advertiser and on the ABC radio. We've got lots of great art. I'll say more about the art auction in the future. But I am just stressed to buggery about the art auction. Hard to get a bunch of rich people in the room for the art auction. We're working on that.

It's going to be a delight. The book of poems is done. It's ready to go. I'm just waiting on one person to get back to me with their introduction. And if they don't write an introduction, that's fine. You know, if they haven't written that by, I'm going to say the 1st of October, either way, it'll come out 1st of October and it's already got two introductions. My Monkey and I have got something to hide. New book of poems, lots of content about the poems. Can't wait till that comes out. Here's another thing on the list, and this speaks somewhat to what I was saying before about the simplicity. I'm increasingly working with big people in show business who are helping with

the stand-up. I've got this trip to America. I'm opening for big US acts. We're working on the branding. Personally, I don't like the term branding. That's the sort of thing that's done to cattle and slaves. But I understand that I'm also a bit extreme about this. I don't like using the expression career. I think careers are for horses. I think careers are for horses people have lives I don't want to make it more difficult for people to find and latch on to the comedy I want to be open to money

and the boat and that sort of thing so as we encroach upon our 100th episode that in my mind is a recalibration point it's the point at which I would hope acceleration for the boat podcast steps up. We can look at bringing in a visual component for the podcast so we can have the TikToks. That's what people want, isn't it? Let's just put that away for a moment.

I'll tell you one thing that no one has said that they especially like or want to keep around. Interviews. Interviews with people. No one ever says, James, you have such great guests on the podcast. And man, I would be happy to jettison interviews from the podcast forever because they are hard, man. You have to edit, you have to thoughtfully,

either you send the interview to them and you go is this fine and they go no i went on a diatribe about cattle and slaves when you mentioned branding take that out and then there's editing and back and forth and then i mean honestly yes those episodes do go better right because then the person who's been on the interview they they share it with their followers and then you steal a small number of their people to come over onto you. It's all just a clout. It's all nasty, nasty clout chasing. And two, with TikTok, which is this huge algorithm.

I'm just listening back to myself talking now about other people's podcasts and the algorithm and TikTok. It's boring me, and it's very hard for me to bore me. I can only imagine the extraordinary way that it must be boring you. I want to talk about New Zealand and the first thing I'm going to say about the great country of New Zealand is I love your anthem, especially this bit. There is nothing that exciting in the Australian National Anthem. Play it again. Oh, hold on.

I want that bit again. What a merry little idea. Bring the beat back. Look, we've got things to do and important things to talk about and only a little more time to spend on this anthem. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe,

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Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most.

Stay in the know. CBC News. I'm going to New Zealand soon. We're going to America in January. But in December, we're going to visit my wife's family And friends in New Zealand And to make the whole process affordable I'd like to do one or two shows in New Zealand in December The issue is I don't have very many New Zealand fans

I can tell that because I can see the countries From which people download the podcast We've got three people in Auckland, two people in Wellington. That's not really enough to do a show. Now, by comparison, we could put a show on in Texas like that. There are about three cities in Texas where this is blown up, especially Houston. I want to shout out all the seminarians in Houston who are listening to the podcast. That is one of the weirder things in my life that's happened, and I love it. But in New Zealand, for whatever reason, we haven't taken root,

and we simply must take root in New Zealand because it's far too convenient. I've got all these other markets. I can do shows in Brisbane and Perth. I mean, Perth is like as far away as New Zealand. So if we could have a fan base in New Zealand, well, that would be like two, three, four more places that if I'm based in Australia, I can go and do some comedy. How do we grow the listenership in New Zealand? Sadly, even though before I said we don't want to do any more interviews, we've got to line up some interviews with Kiwis and clout style. We've got

to snatch some of their Kiwi audiences. So, famous Kiwis. Number one, if you're listening to this and you're in New Zealand, if you're one of the three people in Auckland or the two people in Wellington, hello, are you famous? If so, get in touch. Secondly, I know a bunch of Kiwis and I'm reaching out to them at the moment. My friend Rudy Ray. I really like Ray and he's hitting it big.

I'm going to reach out to all the Kiwis of my acquaintance who have some sort of profile and try and get them on the show so that they'll promote it to their people and then I'll get their people. And also if I can go on any Kiwi podcasts, that will be good too. I'm also looking deep into the Kiwi music scene. I think New Zealanders are a little more, there's a sense that music is, popular music is something to be taken seriously in New Zealand, and they tend to be, I'm going to say on a per capita basis, and maybe just even in general,

better at it than the Aussies. So we'll start reaching out to people who are both famous in New Zealand and famous with New Zealanders. I'd like to speak to Elders Harding and others. Oh, you know what? Let's go through it now.

Hold on. Let me get the blah, blah, blah, blah. Famous people from New Zealand. First one that popped up was famous people with autism. That would also be interesting. Peter Jackson would happily speak to Peter Jackson. Russell Crowe. I think I actually have one degree removed from Russell Crowe. Would think I actually have a one degree removed from Russell

Crowe. Would love to talk to him. Edmund Hillary. Is he around? Lord, love that first album. Thought that second album was pretty good. Third album. I haven't had time to find out if I like it yet, but why would it be no good if the first two were great? Taika Waititi? Not all that interesting. Sorry, there's a microphone malfunction there. I'd love to talk to Taika Waititi. I really like his earlier work, and I'm not turning my nose. I've had a change of heart. I'm not turning my nose up at anybody. So that includes all these people I don't know, So that includes all these people I don't know, like KG Aper, a New Zealand actor, and Jane Campion, who's a New Zealand filmmaker. Oh, she did The Piano, a film I've not seen.

So many great... Keith Urban's a Kiwi? Didn't know that. And what about... I'll put some time into that as a serious segment for the future. Would love to talk to some famous New Zealanders. Would also love, would love perhaps most of all to actually do that. Canada, I did a couple episodes on Canada. I did like one episode on the UK. I'd like to think with the eternal recurrence I'm getting better and stronger and more productive. And I will be coming to Canada.

I cannot wait to come to Saskatoon. Man, I didn't even get the Zimbabwe one on the podcast. My point is, I think I'm getting a little better every time. And the reason we're focusing on New Zealand here is really just, I mean, we will be there. I have a plane ticket that I booked. I booked all the tickets this week to get my whole family to America via New Zealand. It was very expensive. Gee, those websites are not particularly fun to use. But since we're going to be in New Zealand in December, right? So what's now? It's September, October, November, December. I've got two and a half, three months to build up a rabid New Zealand fan base. We're definitely going to be in Christchurch. We've got people to see there. We're definitely going to be in Christchurch.

We've got people to see there. We're definitely going to be in Dunedin. We've got lots of people to see there. We're going to be in Greymouth. We have some people to see there, but there aren't a lot of people there in general. So I'm not, can I just say, I'm not over optimistic about the number of fans that I can get.

I think I've got two there at the moment but I'm that might be the limit on how much I can reach into grey mouth but if I've got the fan back like if people love the podcast that point it doesn't even get in the way of the family trip you know we have to fly into Auckland we have to stay there a day until the flight is the next day and then in the evening i can just go excuse me honey i'm out to make four grand on a big big big sold out i got 400 people in auckland who want to see me and then we go down to wellington on our way to going to dunedin you know stop off there maybe get the ferry excuse me honey i just got to pop out tonight i've got to perform to the parliament of new Zealand. I don't know that there's time. Here's a problem with trying to break it in New Zealand. They don't want Aussies

there. They've had a gutful. They've had enough of our content. And by the way, we're starting to have a gutful of theirs. How come only Kiwi comedians can get, you know, as young Kiwi comedians are getting all the spots on all the Australian television shows. How come Jimmy never gets a call? Anyway, I don't, basically, by and large, I think the people of New Zealand, they are not like, there's a big brother, little brother rivalry thing, and they're proud of their own people. So it's actually not easy, I don't think, for an Aussie to break in there. A couple Australians are more famous in New Zealand than they are in Australia. Chopper, the fake Chopper by Heath. I may actually reach out to Heath. He's got a big fan base there. Yes. Look, all of which is to say there's options.

There's a difficult geopolitical social history to navigate there. I have no real idea how I'm going to get fans in New Zealand in time. But it seems worth trying. And if there's anything we can say that's worth doing, it's trying. Affirmation! Yeah, you better believe we're bringing it back. We've got to try. Affirmation!

Even when it seems absurd, like becoming world famous in New Zealand in just a matter of weeks. Affirmation! You've got to go out and give it a go. becoming world famous in New Zealand in just a matter of weeks. You've got to go out and give it a go. Go, give it a go, give it a go, go, Jimmy! Doing my best, that's what I'm feeling. Can we build a big fan base in New Zealand? Maybe I'll make beats for the street youths of New Zealand, for the drill musicians and greater Polynesian community to slam to.

And everyone will be all dippy and splashy. All right. Have a good one, everybody. Catamaran ho. Simplicity. But before we go, a quick whip around from John Clark, and that's not John Clark of New Zealand, but I suspect an American John Clark.

Thank you, John. I'm here with my friend, Ali. Ali, have you ever listened to the James Donald Forrest McCann Catamaran Plan podcast? No. It's a fun podcast. It's very meta. Even though he says it's not, it's about a man who is trying to buy a catamaran, it's about a man who is trying to buy a catamaran which is a sort of two-holed

sailboat large enough to fit his family on and sail around the world he has no sailing experience he's a he's a catholic comedian not very family friendly he's a good man good man you should give him a listen all All right. Thank you, John. I'm not a good man, but I'm very glad that I'm manipulating things to give that impression. If you'd like to send in your whip around, just record yourself telling someone about how much you love

the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan and find some way of sending that to me. Again, with the simplicity, we should find a regular way to do it. Usually people either find my Instagram or email or something. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend.

I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Cruokshank is not available on Facebook.

It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.