The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - smooth dolphin

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Keep the dolphin smoothGSTK out now on YoutuBe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XivuZOzcUUsThe James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran PlanJoin the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the books: https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,

I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Welcome to this very special episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. The show where I, James Donald Forbes McCann, am trying to raise enough money to buy a boat. How are you raising enough money to buy a boat, James?

Well, at the moment, I'm attempting to become a comedy giga superstar in the United States of America, the largest English-speaking market in the world. Hey, America! And I've just come back from being out on the road opening for the great Shane Gillis. I was in Connecticut. I went to Philadelphia. I went to New York City. And then I went to Spokane.

And now I've come back home. Oh, excuse me. I was in Yellow Springs, Ohio. I got to go to Dave Chappelle's 51st birthday. Surely that can't actually be true. Give us some evidence at least. I didn't get any photographic evidence that that happened because he locks up all the phones and things. But he was very kind.

And on his birthday, he came over and he spoke to me. I think this probably is true. Because if it was a made-up story, James would be telling it in a more exciting way. I have no photographic evidence that that happened. So you'll just have to take my word for it. It's been a big... Come back to Austin now. It's been a big couple of days.

Ten days, actually, I think. It's been ten days out on the road. And I am knackered. But I will not allow this podcast just to be nothing but me saying how knackered I am. Sometimes I allow it to be a visual component. Not this week. If you'd like the visual component podcast for this week, it's over on the Patreon. Feel free to join the Patreon.

In fact, feel $5 to join the Patreon. Or more. Anyway, this week's visual podcast, there's a whole video podcast over on the Patreon, the visual component, because this week on the YouTube, we released God Save the King. It's a comedy special slash documentary

slash arthouse cinema piece about my cameraman's autism. I love it and the people love it too. It's over 8,000 views, if you can believe that. Gee, my ears feel funny with all the flying. There was a lot of going up and going down over the last few days. That won't be the case when we're on the sea. No one feels unwell when they're on the... Wait, what about... Hold on. Seasickness? Not me. Don't plan on having it. Haven't been on enough boats to know if I am susceptible, but fingers crossed, seasickness is not something that affects me personally.

What I'm trying to say is it's been a big time. Oh, I forgot to mention that I went on a bunch of podcasts. I went on some of my very favorite podcasts. I went on the Matt and Shane Secret Podcast Patreon episode. I went on War Mode with Billy and Spud in Philadelphia. I went on, now my episode of, it's a new polity episode. It came out. I love those gentlemen.

It was recorded many months ago, but it's finally come out. And it features a very, very long, what would we call it? Analysis of the film Iron Man and what that has to do with Catholic take on capitalism. And of course, the Adam Friedland show, one of my favorite shows of all. It was unbelievable that I got to do that. And I think I know enough about the Adam Friedland show and its precursor, Come Town, to know that when people in the comments sections call me gay, that is a sign of the greatest respect. But here's a thought that I've been having,

because I'm doing all I can, ladies and gentlemen. I'm doing comedy. I'm getting the new special worked out. God Save the King was recorded, I think, a year ago. We've got a book of poems coming up at some point. We can't be growing any faster. The growth is incredible. But I still don't have a boat and i'm very tired and i'd like to have a boat sooner rather than later is there anything else is there are we looking in the wrong place is what i'm

starting to wonder so tired from these comedy shows dying Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Boy, comedy. There's nothing so difficult as comedy. Everybody says this. I've never really done very much else performance-wise, so I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know if rocket science is easier. But comedy is really hard, and it's very draining, and we're not growing fast enough for me to have a boat today. So I got to thinking. Ladies and gentlemen of the James Donald Force McCann Catamaran Club, how do we get out to more people? How do we make this a more universal podcast? Or even just as a plan that we do through the podcast to make it more universal.

And it occurred to me, I mean, obviously shirts. We've got to start releasing merchandise and card game shirts, these sorts of things, but I don't even think that will be enough to get $500,000 immediately. We've got a lovely fan base now. Even if all of you buy a shirt, that's not going to cut it. We need to be more universal. Well, what is the most universal language? Well, that's music. What is the second most universal language? I'd have to think that was English, and we've got that one checked off. All right. Third most universal language, going to go out on a limb and say Chinese. So of the big three, music, English and Chinese, we've got one checked off already.

How do we grow faster and get out to more people? Chinese language music. I'd like to expose you now to my new hit single, Smooth Dolphin. I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool

I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool I'm not a fool太陽平滑清晨 回家 何時 又就聽到 某種種種就來

對上你愛未知到 未必是會存頭部的溫泉 未已存看看下星星上空 其星不 星中 如今天變成海津 閉上眼睛看海 瞬間滑 Vì sợi áo kỳ thay hồi xuân càng hoa Vì sống thì đâu hỏi sẽ xin I'm not afraid of the world I'm not afraid of the world I'm not afraid of the world I'm not afraid of the world

I'm not afraid of the world I'm not afraid of the world I'm not afraid of the world ល្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត្រូវត� Smooth Dolphin out now on the James Donald Falls Weekend Catamaran Plan podcast. That was it. It's not on Spotify. I can't figure out how to get my music on Spotify at the moment. I need to... There's something with a SIM card, an Australian phone number.

I'm going to get on it. I'm going to figure it out at some point. But for the time being, that's just it. You have to just listen to that bit of the podcast over and over again. Smooth Dolphin. It's out now. Could that become a big hit with the Chinese listening audience? We don't have a good base. We have no one listening to this podcast in the People's

Republic of China. I don't even think in the Republic of China. Look, I don't know if it's a good idea. I suspect it's a good idea because I had that idea while tired on a plane. And that's where most of the good ideas come i do believe i wrote another two scenes today of my film brad's glove which is going into production i believe next year it looks like we're going to be able to produce that film and i think the film i mean hopefully we don't have to make the film because smooth dolphin because somehow when i figure out how to upload it to a music streaming service a smooth maybe it never comes out on a music streaming service and we just sell it on vinyl.

Huh? It would need a B-side. We just go the Smooth Dolphin Disco Mix or the Smooth Dolphin Radio Edit. I tell you what, if you're a music producing type of person and you enjoyed Smooth Dolphin, feel free to rip the MP3 out of this podcast and record your remix of Smooth Dolphin to be included on the vinyl.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if they do print-on-demand vinyl. I mean, how many copies of Smooth Dolphin is it appropriate to order? I wonder if we can get it in a special vinyl, like transparent blue. Oh, baby. Maybe cassettes. Cassettes are nifty, you know, because if you drive an old car, you can still listen to Smooth Dolphin. A cassingle, that's what I'm talking about. You know what I've seen a lot this week is homelessness. Certainly in Austin, but in Philadelphia, even in Spokane. Spokane, you understand what I'm talking about? In the 97th largest city in America, they're dealing with a big homelessness crisis.

It's huge here in America. In Australia, there's some homelessness, but it just does not approach the same dimensions. Sometimes you'll live next to the homeless guy. Sometimes you share a bus with him as he leaves his home. You go, hold on, I thought he was homeless. He's one of those homeless guys who has a house. But in America, it's just, it's huge. And I was listening to a Supreme Court case.

It is City of Grants Pass v. Johnson. And it's been resolved in favor of kicking out the homeless. It's a fascinating case. It's one of the stranger oral arguments in a United States Supreme Court case that I've ever listened to. And I've, gee, at this point, I must have listened to 50. Yeah, if you wanted to be an expert on it,

that would not be nearly enough, but it's one of my favorite podcasts of all and fingers crossed i never have to appear on it because that would be indicative of i'll probably be getting sued i'd be getting sued by somebody i mean unless i go back and get my law degree and become a justice of the united states supreme court and time. Fast running out for that to be a possibility. So it's City of Grants Pass v. Johnson, and it all seems to center around the Eighth Amendment,

if I'm remembering that correctly. And it's all about cruel and unusual punishment. So you have this town that is full. I think it's in Oregon. Could be wrong. Don't feel the need to write any notes or check it. I'm just speaking from the heart, which quite weirdly is what a lot of people seem to be doing in this Supreme Court case. So you've got a small town and there's a lot of homeless people setting up camp, blankets and tents and that sort of business. And the town council, Grants Pass, the city of, they they make that illegal they say you can't camp

in our town that's not allowed no no no and the uh i guess the class action johnson whoever johnson is whichever homeless person johnson is he or the people on his behalf are saying that breaches the eighth amendment Amendment of cruel and unusual punishment. I've got to check that I'm getting that right. Yes. Yes, we got it right. So the counter-argument to kicking out the homeless, basically it's for kicking out the homeless. They're saying that it's to make camping in public spaces illegal.

But really it's, you can't be homeless here, we want you gone. Or we want you in the homeless shelter. And then a lady goes, but I don't want to go to the homeless shelter, I want to hang out with my dog. They don't allow dogs at the homeless shelter. And they go, well, you're choosing to be homeless. There's so much back and forward in the argument type section. I mean, one of the complaints seems to be that making camping illegal is not a

punishment. And so how can that then be a punishment? Even if it is cruel and unusual, how can that be a punishment? Counter-argument, of course, to that being that this is really only there to punish the homeless. I mean, we're not getting rid of other people who are just sleeping in the park. Babies, babies who are sleeping in the park. I mean, it comes down to like an interesting philosophical question at the end of it, because, man, you read anything about it in the normal press, and a Supreme Court case comes down to goodies versus baddies, regardless of, you know, no matter what side you're on. If you're a conservative at this point, you say,

these liberals are trying to destroy our cities. They don't think the police should be allowed to have recourse to clean up the town square so that people go go for a walk at night or something or just not be confronted by poverty again and again no matter where you are when there are perfectly good places for people to go and they don't want to go there and the liberals they go these nasty conservatives they hate the poor and they want to punish the poor no one is choosing to be a homeless person. How very dare you. But then you actually dig into it.

You dig into the real grist of what they're arguing about. And in this case, it's over, I think it's a law from the 1970s. It's a Supreme Court case from the 70s where the court decided that you couldn't hold status against someone. It was only their action. decided that you couldn't hold status against someone it was only their action so if someone is trafficking drugs or in possession of drugs you can charge them but it was deemed to be unconstitutional to have a law saying that someone wasn't allowed to be addicted to narcotics that it was not a criminal offense to suffer from an addiction to narcotics. The status of the person. And then the question here that the justices are going back and forth over is what should the breadth

of a status be? Should it be a status? Is homelessness a status or is it a thing that you are doing? Are you a person who is homeless or are you a person who is being homeless? Homeless person. Is that an adjective or a verb? You are homeless, or you are engaging in homelessness. Now, of course, the way that that divides is the goodies and baddies dividing lines, because you would think if that was purely a philosophical question,

some of the conservative justices would go one way and some would go the other, and the liberals would be split, but actually, it divides perfectly, left and right, as it does on every issue in the Supreme Court. But that's not what they're arguing about. What they're arguing about is status. What is a homeless person?

How soon can that be remedied? If it is remedied, do they remain a homeless person? Of course, you can be not on drugs and you can remain a drug addict. That's part of who you are. Oh, here's an interesting bit that I really enjoyed listening to. Maybe this won't interest you as much as it interests me. The side, basically the pro-homeless side, if we may call them that. Of course, the side that's trying to get homeless people to go is also painting themselves as a pro-homeless side. They're saying it's not good for people to be out there on the streets. They should be in the shelter. But for our purposes,

I'm going to just say pro and anti-homeless people. The pro-homeless people are saying it's not illegal to sleep. And this is where a person with the status of homelessness has to sleep because there's nowhere else for them to sleep and it took a while for everybody to get to the natural end of that they're going back and forth no one wanted to jump in and take it to where it was gonna have to go at some point but people start with a food is it illegal to eat a while homeless now that sounds insane right so the next yeah no you can eat and not have a home. But can you cook, right? So if you have the status of a homeless person and you need a fire in a park to cook something,

well, you don't have another place that you can cook. The only reason you would have a no having a small fire in the park rule is to stop homeless people cooking there. But obviously there are a lot of problems that would involve people starting fires in public spaces. And you should be able to have a law against that. So they go back and forward on this issue. You know, the pro-homeless camp, they get into some wiggly territory there where they have to go,

well, homeless people could beg for money and get food. And the people, you know, the anti-homeless justices are going, don't change my hypothetical. No one's giving the money in the hypothetical. There's nowhere else for them to get food. They've got some food, they need to cook it. And they're probably on list as people going, wow, there's a lot of food you don't have to cook.

Maybe it's okay to have cold food. Finally, they got to urination defecation because everyone has to piss and everyone has to poop. And America is really hard on public urination. It's not something you see very often here in Australia. Boy, we don't have guns. Boy, we follow the speed limit. But public urination is something that we do and love doing.

Baby, it's a status and an act. So they finally get to defecation urination. And they say, well, listen. Okay, you're a homeless person. That's your status. And being able to sleep, it should be, you know, is not a crime. And so within the status of homelessness, how could it be a crime to sleep if you have to do it outdoors? Well, there too, also public defecation, urination. You have the status of a homeless person. There's no way for you to piss or poop. You've got to do it out there. I think the logical end point of that is that they

should be allowed to do that in public. But of course, the Americans, even the very liberal, even the very pro-homeless Americans, cannot bring themselves to endorse public urination and defecation. It just cuts so coarsely against the national fabric of America. So that's where I got up to. I'm not sure how that one results, but that's basically where I'm up to. With the pro-homeless people going, no, they wouldn't have to do that. And the anti-homeless people going, well, where are they going to do their business? Where are they going to go? Where are they going to make? It's a difficult question. I mean, there's a lot of laughter. It's a deadly serious issue. I mean, it's so bad here. I think about it all the time. There's a little bit of it in my act where I talk about it at the moment. And I don't come to a,

well, of course, no one has a conclusion. There's a lot of, you know, well, you can't say homeless, you've got to say unhoused persons, people's experiencing homelessness. A lot of euphemisms, no solutions. That's a tag that I thought of. A lot of tags, no solutions. There's no way forward on that. It's just a terrible problem. I think we should set up more monasteries. I can't see a way around it other than the setting up of more monasteries.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Today's episode was meant to be about smooth dolphin. Well, it's meant to be about having a boat, but I'd hoped that smooth dolphin would be the way there. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month.

Every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Hey, it's Mitch from SideNote Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com.