The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - snap snap

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCand-Catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll, look, you'll find a way. Catalan home! You can't give him his left foot.

You see him cut back on his left. That's 15 minutes to go in the second quarter. Are there a few minutes lying? What are we doing? Are we moving forward or are we standing still? Is my fly down up? It is. Should I stand again?

No. What are we doing? Are we moving forward or are we standing still? What do we want to do with our lives? Do we want to coast? We want to work very hard while it's all uncomfortable. But once we do reach a level of comfortability. Do we just sit down and go, this is enough?

I'll sit on this for the time bang I'll plateau That's not what we do here on the James Donald Force weekend Catamaran airplane Until we get to Me owning a boat At which point

Very happy for it to plateau But until that point Full speed ahead Baby It's time to come up to another level I'm moving up to another level I'm feeling The discomfort

Of what it would take To move up to another level on this podcast This is James Donald Foresbican, Catamaran, playing the show where I, James Donald Fawkesne, am trying to make enough money to buy a boat because things are going pretty well. YouTube subscribers, it's coming up to 50,000. Delicious.

Instagram, I don't know, 100 and some thousand. What a joy that is. Delicious. Patrients, we've got about 600 patrons. Listeners, I don't know, 20,000, 20,000 some people. Every episode, 20,000. And you are valued. comfortable, you know, if I was living on it, which I have been in the past, but increasingly,

I don't have to do that. I mean, if I wanted to just live, that'd be fine. If we were having a sterile, predictable lifestyle, that'd be fine. But we don't do that. No, we're virile, fercund, growth, moving, excellence, forward. Forward, catamaran hull. I believe! Do you feel it?

Do you feel the energy? Do you believe? Here on the James Donald Foskegat Catermaram plan, things have been trending up gradually, and that's been very nice. But we're going to make them trend up violently now. It's time for some violent increases in listenership, income, and audience satisfaction. That's why I'm... We're getting guests.

We're getting good, we're getting the best guests. Other people, oh, same old. Here's my gas station attendant, Starbucks coffee roasted. You're a lot of level guests. People you see, oh, he's got that guest. I'm not interested in there. I'm getting the best. I believe it.

I feel it on my bones. We'll be getting good guests. That's number one. Number two, we've got to have new, incredible value on the Patreon. The Patreon, oh, it's gone so well. People are enjoying Wimbledog? How goes Wimbledog? But Wimble, you know what I'm saying?

We need a drive. I'm feeling, whoa, I'm feeling a thousand. Thousand. We got the 500, bang, lickety split. We'd limber along to 600. We've got to come up with some thousand. Value out here. Thousand.

Real, exciting. Value. To get people to go, join that patron. Thousand. The YouTube. We've got to figure out. a way to make that? I mean, what is this? What is this? Man shouts? Man shouts outside? Is that high-level clickability? This is the last of the low-level clickability YouTube's, because

after this, I only have this as a testament, as a testament to the growth that will be forthcoming. As a thank you to the days of your and a hey, how are you doing to the days of tomorrow? moving forward growth excellence violent up how we're going to do that number one big guests I've already said that

number two increasing value on the Patron other stuff too haven't had time to think about other stuff my wife's been she's a little poorly when we came back from the road trip so she's been in bed most of this week and I have been

looking after the children I'm you know children all day little stand-up comment at night got to get a new hour popping because we've got a new special coming out soon it's going to be called black israelite and also a new book of poems coming out soon disquieting levels of egg i've been work i've been working organizing those things doing editing and in both cases and audio only podcast we're going to have video component we're got to grow we're going to grow

we have got to grow i'm a man on a mission this is a sense of urgency man i wish i'd these pants. I got them today, and I got them from a thrift store. I think they're polyester. They don't breathe as humid as anything out here, and I'm swimming in these pants. It's time to go to a new level. High level of professionalism and excellence. And I thank you for climb aboard. Remember where you were at this moment. Mark the day. Go to your calendar.

To this day, this time, this is the moment that James Donald Forbes became went from being, I mean, what am I now? I'm, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I've been looking over these kids all day. I've been writing a new screenplay. I'm writing a new screenplay. I mean, I'm told if you sell one of these screenplays, you get $100,000. Now I know all these people who say, if you write a screenplay, we'll read it.

And if we want to make it in a movie, give you $100,000. So now I've got to write a screenplay. All right, five screenplays, $500,000. We can all go home. The boat's bought, I mean, home to the boat. I'll be sailing off on that boat. You know what I'm saying? So I'm writing this new screenplay.

So I go with my children to these indoor play centres. I sit on my laptop and I watch them and I get to work for about eight minutes at a time before someone comes over needing to go to the toilet. And I take them to the toilet or the one who's not going to the toilet. I cleaned the nappy. I brought three nappies. Use all the damn nappies. Diapers, you call them here. If you say nappy, you get in trouble. And I'm just, I mean, when you have no children and you come back from a holiday, you get to spend a couple days just vegging out, watching the television, relaxing.

None of that here is immediate. It's immediate. It's hard. I watched Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn. I don't believe I'd seen Audrey Hepburn before because I was watching Roman Holiday and I thought, man, that's a fantastically beautiful woman. Who is she? And I looked it up and it's, oh, it's Audrey Hepburn. Japan's most famous woman. She was very big in Japan after Roman Holiday.

But I watched Roman Holiday. I found out it was a trumbo picture. It had the ending of a trumbo picture. Very dissatisfying ending. I did fine. But it was like a great movie. They used to make great movies. I mean, it's going to be a great movie, even if it comes out.

And the studios get their hands on it. They're just going to molest it and take away all the quiet dignity of yesterday. Everything's like a Marvel movie now. Everything's shallow. Snap, snap, snapity, snap, snappy, snappy, dialogue. Roman Holiday, I had pathos, the pace, just looking at a lady's beautiful face, looking at a man, looking at a beautiful lady's face. That's cinema! And I go, I get on the Apple TV, and this is, I don't want to, I don't want to say anything bad about Apple TV specifically because,

boy, oh, snap, snap, snap, we'll put some snappy dialogue in and if Apple TV buy it, because I'd love that money more than I'd like to revive cinema. Nah, it's not true. the money. I'm going to make a bad... After I watched Roman Holiday, the evening was still going, and I tried watching some of the other movies. And they were just... You know, like new movies, new TV shows,

and they're all the same, and they're all bad. It's just cheap, crummy dollar. People can't act. It's a terrible show after terrible show. the one man it was it was not good but this show on apple tv about some people making a multi-player video game as dreadful and the i mean i'm sorry it all involved but it's appalling and you should be i don't even know mythic quest mythical quest the something quest garbage but then you see f murray abram's in it man he's good i mean even this this thing was clunky right by numbers

can we get another can we get a sassy Australian woman in there who's the only smart character in a sea of dumb white men please can we get two ladies who know better but neither of whom acts very well to talk to each other just so we tick off

two ladies talking to each other about not a man whatever test that's called can we get a little heart hearts up here can we get a little heart But then F. Murray Abrams is in it. And he's, you know, he's doing his lines. He's part of my ensemble.

And also comfortable saying maybe this show gets better as it goes on. I don't know. All situation comedies sort of struggle to establish themselves because they're trying to let you know who the characters are. Pilots are off in the worst episode, so I'm not trying to be negative. But let F. Murray, Abrams, when he's in it and he's going. Oh, it was such a delight. I don't know if he got cancelled.

I don't know if he's one of the few who made it out of that grizzly time. I love F. Murray Abrams. I'd write anything for you, F. Maria. I don't care what you did or didn't do. Did he get canned? I don't know. I can't look it up. Oh, how long have I been talking for?

I'm sorry, I should never have started this. I should never have started this. I was just at the mothership. And it's the new material night, so I jumped up on the open mic. But the time I got up, you know, the audience has been there for two and a half hours and I stank it up something rotten. New material's gone real, a little slow and bad at this point, which is always the way you've got to work like a...

Well, suffice it to say, you have to work very hard for new material. I do at least. Some people, they just trot it out and it like it's nothing. And that used to be me. Damn, if I don't find it to be a challenge now. I went there and I stank and I have to do the podcast today and I wanted it to be a good podcast, an uplifting podcast about how we've got momentum and how things are moving in the positive direction.

I can't go home because I can't do the podcast there because it makes too much noise. And the last few podcasts I've done, I mean, I've edited it out of some of the video ones, but if you go back to the audio podcast, it's just podcast after podcast. I just waking my kids up and them coming downstairs. You go, I went, where? Other people have a studio.

James, you could have a studio. Yes, but we don't approve of studios. We can't do it in our home. And it's frankly too hot to do it in the car. The car is, they've got the car running and the headlights on and I'm looking around to make sure nobody swoops in and steals the car, because I couldn't figure out how to get the engine running and the lights on and the keys out of it and the doors lock.

So we'll just keep on watching forever. But I thought it was a more interesting mise en scene. I don't even know how this is. I hope it's a more interesting mezzan scene with the lights on. Maybe it would be better if I put the high beams on. I'm keeping the engine running so that it's outdoors, so I won't get carbon monoxide poisoning, but I didn't want to deplete the battery.

Let's get the high beams on. If we're going to take this to another level, we've got to get the high beams on. Ah, it's so much less pleasant for me. But what is success, if not taken on more suffering? For the betterment of others, maybe it's even a worse picture. I have no way of know.

I have had so many opportunities to get a producer on this show. I have meshes. We need some big guests on the podcast. We need some huge guests. I want to... I've finally reached the point in my... comedy career where I think this podcast is big enough to get some bigger guests. Very big guests indeed.

I have an agent. I'm with a company called CAA. And my hope is that if I look at all the other, it's a big company. I am one of the smallest fish in the sea that is CAA. That's what the sea stands for. The sea of American. I actually don't know what CIA stands for I've looked up everybody else on the CIA list

and my hope is that since we're all in the same roster together is that the stable like it's professional wrestling or horses staple hope is that it'll be a little easy to get these celebrities you know it's easier for me now to get some big celebrities on the podcast because of my increased stature and success but then another thing that could help is

maybe my agent knows their agent and something could happen there but also maybe because we have so many listeners maybe someone watching this out there you know like the first one is Anastasia I'm out of love set me free

Anastasia Do you remember Anastasia? I do Maybe someone watching Maybe Anastasia watches and she'll go I didn't know that he wanted me on Or maybe someone will go Anastasia's my cousin. Or my cousin knows Anastasia's cousin.

I don't know how many steps it would be to get Anastasia on the pod. Anastasia. That's number one. I'll do these alphabetical order. I'll do them right now. If you know these people, I would love to talk to them on the pod. There are many other people who are on the CAA, but these are the ones I think I could really sit down and have a good chat with.

Anastasia. Beck, the singer and Scientologist, as best as I'm aware, Beck, Benny. If you know Benny, I know people in New Zealand, it's 4 million people. We have New Zealand listeners. Do any of you know Benny? I don't know any of the Benny songs, but she seems like a nice person, and I'm sure that would help me reach out to the youth audience. I'll power through some of these.

Billy Crystal, Billy Corgan, Smasher of the Pumpkin. Bob Dylan. When's the last podcast you did, Bob? Dylan. I like your recent work. I'll talk about your recent work. A lot of people say, oh, you know, about any celebrity. They go, oh, the recent work, doesn't hold up to the old work. I like the contemporaneous work of Bob Dylan. Brittany Spears, now that the conservatory ship has come to an end, you're a big girl. You get to, or not yet a woman. You get to make your own decisions. Britney Spears, come on the part.

Bruce Springsteen, Charlie Wilson. Listen, the singer on Kanye's song, he's the one who goes, Ohie, Charlie X-X, Cheap Trick, big in Japan, Seamad, wonderful Irish singer-songwriter, very sparkly on Graham Norton. Hey, Dan Harmon, hey Doja Cat, hey Dolly Parton, hey, Ellen DeGeneres, hey, Evanessence, hey, Future Islands, Hey, Gary Owen.

Gary Owen, I'd like to ask advice about being a white guy, and making it work with Black America. He's the only one, other than me in the future. Hey, class animals. Hey, Gracie Abrams. Hey, Greg Davis. Hey, Gucci Man. I read some of your book.

Hey, Hillary Duff. Hey, Jeff Lynn. Hey, Jennifer Lopez. Hey, Kesha. I notice you're not using the dollar sign in your name anymore. Because you're a serious person and I will treat you as such should you come on the podcast. Hey, Kraft's work.

Hey, Lady Gaga. Hey, Lana Del Rey! Do you know any of these people? Lily Allen, Little Yottie, Lindsay Buckingham, Maya Hawke, Mel Brooks, Nelly Fittato, Al City, Paul Simon, Fantagram, Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Ramesh, Rangan the Tharn. The Rizza, Sabrina Carpenter, Shane Gillis, Stevie Wonder, Tamim Pallor, The Last Dinner Party, Tom Jones, Wien, Will Smith, the Wu-Tang Clan, and Zendaya. I think Shane, I should probably just talk to him about. coming on the pod but all those other people now I wonder it was we got some Steubenville listeners I wonder if anyone in Steubenville knows the Wu Tang

clan because I just found out recently that the Rizza and many other members of the Wu they spent some time there isn't that funny I don't think there's a mural or nothing oh Stubbenville I'd take down that birthplace of Dean Martin sign and I'd put up even if it was only very remotely true, birthplace of the Wutang clan. Boy, you better protect your neck out there in Stubanville, Ohio. Do you know any of those people? If so, contact them and have them contact me. All right, now we can begin the James Donald Foursbe-Cand-Catamaran plan episode proper. I don't know.

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...and... ...and... ...you... Thank you.