The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - solicited advice

Episode Date: November 28, 2025

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCand-Catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catalan home! You know, usually through the month of December, we take the James Donald Forbes

McCann-Catamaran plan off. For one month a year, we just... We take that to ourselves and we celebrate our time with our family. But is that fair to you, deal? listener, is it fair that you should be without me through this, uh, undeniably challenging time? No. So I've, here's an advice podcast. There's no video. It's only for the audio people. Visual only people, goodbye. I dispense with you for the month of December, but audio only people, you've stuck with me through thick and thin. And, uh, I, you know, I put it up on

Instagram, what advice people want and some people sent in some things that they would like to be advised on. And I will now begin. Let's have a look. Tell us about the app use for songwriting and how the songwriting happens. Well, that's more of a Q&A rather than advice, Tom. But I will tell you, I use garage band on my telephone. And I have sometimes used Logic Pro on the laptop. But usually it's just me out and about using garage band on the telephone and I'm quite pleased with some of the new pieces that are forming up advice for Australians wanting to move to the US whose wife and family don't want you to ah simpatico uh don't don't yeah it's not bad no it's painful to build new community ties and it can feel like a waste of time and taxing

and also like a betrayal but you cannot live deracinated so go out and make friends and make connections very quickly with as many people as you can and good good people and good connections I think that's the secret to going to any new place is to take root in that soil should I get married is the next question and I know the person who's asked that one and I know the man so I I delicate delicate I mean I think if it's your vocation to get me if you feel like you would be if you and the other person both feel like it would be more painful for you to be alive not married to one another than any other eventuality then sure go for it uh lily michel says we still haven't recorded together

lily we're going to do it i know it's been two years again though that's you're not asking for advice there you're airing a grievance that's a different podcast someone asks how did you know your wife was the one um she was hot and is and he is no it's again it's i really think it's if it's if it's more painful to be a part than to be together it's more painful to be with other people than each other then i don't know what choice you have but to have that person be the one and then how you actually navigate that through your lives is a whole other thing excuse me i'm trying to find the questions again i lost them all it was a tweet that i was going to put up the opening scene in the new stranger things with the thinly veiled mouth

ramp of a child is bad but i decided not to post that one i'll just set it on the pot instead excuse me we've got so many pieces of advice i'll keep going with the advice for as long as i can um ba bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo it's thanksgiving this person says uh because i am recording this on thanksgiving i suppose it will come out shortly after it's thanksgiving nieces could cry sash scream or watch Bluey and shut up. What should I do? Let them watch Bluey. Bluey's a great show.

Watch Bluey yourself. You'll be elevated. Someone writes, I'm dating a hooer. How do I go about this? Well, I don't know what that means. I'm dating a hooer. How do I go about this? Oh, how do you live your life in that situation?

We'll sin no more yourself and ask that she's sin no more as well. And, uh, difficult situation. Difficult situation indeed. How do you motivate that? I'm sorry, I've got nothing for you on that. I mean, is she really a hooer? Is she a loose woman? Is she, is she selling her body for money?

Need more information. And her phone number. No, I'm just joking. I don't want to have sex with your whore. girlfriend how do you motivate an unproductive team mate a back aching for the lash how do you motivate an unproductive teammate sometimes you can sometimes you can't everybody wants something maybe they're afraid of being fired do you have that power over them if you're working together horizontally i don't think there's a good way to do it other than really becoming very abusive

indeed. Do you save money by buying more expensive toilet paper because you need less of it? Asked one person. Listen, the amount that I'm on the toilet, the only thing I'm saving money in is, no, I have nowhere to go for that. I shouldn't be recording this podcast after I got drunk and all the food is expanding in my tummy at Thanksgiving. but um anyway it's fuzzard to say that i'm sitting on the toilet an awful lot and we don't need to hear very much more about that i keep having extreme diarrhea right to the next

person ah now okay we cannot escape we've got our niche and we're getting into a groove now i keep having extreme diarrhea after a night of costco pizza and twelve cause light help please what sounds like you're getting all the help you need from the cause lights and the costco pizza, might I suggest transitioning to the Costco hot dog and seeing if that is of any benefit to you? Someone wants advice on taking it with a grain of salt. Yeah. I've got nothing. I mean, yeah, do do that. Should I get a dog? Again, that depends too much on your personal circumstances. Do you have a stable life and you're not traveling to a country soon where you're not allowed to enter with a dog? Do you have a young child?

having a dog would be an irresponsible decision, or do you have an older child who are having a dog would be enriching? Look into your heart and see whether or not you should get a dog. Someone writes, I'm not funny, but I want to do stand-up. What do I do? Well, I think seriously look at why you want to do stand-up if you're not funny.

Because if you're not funny, what do you want to do, stand-up? So people will look at you. Listen, it's a hard life out there. And if you're not capable of making people laugh, why would you want to subject yourself to that? If not for the gift of giving it to other people. If you've got a gift, you've got to share with the world, then get out there and do it. But otherwise, I would channel those dreams into, I mean, can you play an instrument? People need people to play instruments.

With the AI, actually, we need that less and less. But people still want it. Advice on how to move on from unrequited love, time, walking, reading, baths, and wine. How can I stay motivated and in prime attitude? I don't know. Because I'm not. There is not enough space to tell her evil, but women are bad people. Wow. That's actually very beautifully written. And I disagree. Some women are bad people, obviously. There's not enough space to tell her evil is really beautifully written so you deserve commendation for that um i'm just going to say in short to respond to that one and the advice they're in of there's not enough space to

tell her evil i'm sorry she did that to you whatever it was she did okay someone wants advice on how to um perform fellatio i've never done it but um you know I think probably a can-do attitude goes a whole long way. What's your favorite American candy and why it would be the butterfinger because I'd never had anything like it? Someone asks James, how do I quit wanking it? Hey, brother, when I figure it out, I'll be in touch with you. Not advice, but could you name any, this one,

could you name any Pittsburgh Steelers past slash present for a video? Yes, I could. Should I sleep with a girl I work with? No That one was easy My woman has left me And all my surroundings Remind me of her

Boy, that's from a different guy To the tell her evil guy A lot of guys having a hard time With the ladies My woman has left me And all my surroundings Remind me of her Should I move to Berlin?

Sure, why not be reminded Of The Holocaust and The Communism That'll make me make you forget the lady is the holocaust and communism tips of getting out of a rut slash down period how do you get out of a rut i guess move to berlin no seriously folks how do you get out of a rut um mix it up shake it up you know i was having what i thought was

a bouts of anxiety and since i've come off of zins and onto the smoother nicotine release of patches, to which my skin continues to have unpleasant reactions. What I've noticed is, I don't think I did have anxiety, I think I just had bizarre waves, huge waves of nicotine punching me. I don't really know why I got off the nicotine. Well, I'm still on the patch. I don't know why I got off these ends. It just felt like the right thing to do at the time.

So, yeah, how do you get out of a rut? mix it up quit coffee start coffee quit zins start zins i mean there are other things you could change other than just swapping in and out stimulants but uh that's where i would start love to hear the lord have mercy on me from a sinner prayer during your last pod you are my favorite comedian okay well thank you good to hear thank you very much i looked at the stats and a lot of people didn't like that people really tuned out but I like to think

the people who stayed you know I think they had a special time as I have I would love to say that I was thinking far enough to think about what I should be presenting

on the podcast and how to present a unified self but yeah we're just we're just kicking it from the top of the dome and when we come back in January I think there will be

a series of advice podcasts coming out over the course of December and that'll be the only thing that I release during December as I'll be working on other things. It's not hard to do an advice podcast. I don't know if it's as nice for you to listen to.

Maybe people will go, I don't want to hear any of this advice nonsense anymore. I'm leaving entirely. So maybe it'll just be the one and then nothing for December. But if you want anything for December, you got this. I wish I was we're planning it for January. We've got big plans

in January. We're planning long for interesting things in January, but for reasons that will soon be made distinguishable to those with ears to hear and eyes to see. I'm not doing it until January. Where's my bloody phone charger? There it is. Where's my bloody wall socket? There it is. Well, my telephone. There is. I'm listening to Ram by Paul McCartney. Next one. Favorite Death Grip's album, Still Ex-Military.

He came to me with money in his hand. I like, I like them all. I like, you know, government plates. I like Jenny Death is the version of that album I'm allowed to say. Keep giving bad people. Good ideas. Keep giving it. Have a sad come, baby.

I like all of the albums. Jack Blah Blah Blah Blah Bill 25% of the grill All the human Whatever that one was With the penis on it Money store

Bum Blom Blum Blanc Blah Blah Blah Blah

I close my eyes and says it says it Goes Goz goes Goz guilty How do you discipline

Your kids A three-year-old daughter is insane And won't respond To time out ah back aching for the lash i'm just going to keep saying that i think that's a line from an episode of fraser um yes it can be tough some kids respond well to encouragement some are truly nightmarish i think the more time you can put in the easier it will be and the more difficult situations

you can put yourself in with your child than things that are easier will be easier i found that traveling a lot with our kids and having a lot of high stress situations and spending a lot of time together. When I go on the road and I come back after a week, they basically don't listen to me and then a day or two in. They are all listening to me again. So I know that might be difficult with your schedule, but time spent is I find the best indicator of being able to get them to listen to you. Even they're not perfect. If you're a door, man, that's not good either. Okay. Boom, boom, boom, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

My friend just got refunded for a washing machine. Well done. Advice, and then they've just posted the Israeli flag. I don't know how to respond to that. Ohio State over TTIUN. I know what Ohio State is, but I don't. I'm sorry, I don't know what TTIUN is. I assume that's a football team.

Got a girl a year ago that wants to have my kid. Should I marry first? Yeah, I think that would make life easier. Also, she wants to have your kid. Do you want her to have your kid? Do you want there to be a child that's a combination of the two of you? If you didn't want to have a child together, would you still like each other's company enough in a barren union to spend that time with one another?

You ask some mistakes. You ask some questions of yourself. I said the word mistake only because I started reading the next one. I'd moved on from yours. I'm sorry. The next one is made the mistake of learning chess at 32. Realize I'm dumb. Keep at chess or switch to heroin.

I mean, how bad at chess are you? Because some people are very bad. There's more to life than being able to play chess. And if playing chess was a metric of intrinsic human dignity, Then the computers would be more dignified than us all. Advice on finding hobbies, try chess. All those escape room boxes, I think they're a lot of fun. I like running as a hobby.

Once a week, I need to jump in the bushes for a shit. Help me out. Oh yeah, I mean, I've been there, brother. You don't think I've been on a long walk? I needed to, shit. I would say, make some friends along the walk. somehow and then duck into their houses

I have gone into a stranger's house during a walk before when I desperately desperately needed a shit it had been a long walk and it was very embarrassing

and my back started to really hurt I think I might have been going through some emotional difficulties. Someone writes, I like, yes, that was all. Should I quit my job and open my own gym? I mean, if the market is good for that, have a, have a, I mean, there's a gym in my hometown that's closing down at the moment. It seems to be quite a popular gym. And, uh, I think a cross-fit gyms, they've had some difficulties as well. Studio 45, fitness,

45. Was there the number 45 in it? I don't know how good the market is for gyms. Someone writes, I'm so glad you F with the OA would love to chat sometime on the pod. Well, I can't see on my phone because I took screenshots of this. I can't see who wrote that to me. But if that's Britt Marling or Britt Marling's

creative partner whose name I still dare not risk pronouncing but managiani whatever it is if that's one of you then yes if this is someone who is a listener who also loves the OA and just wants to talk about the OA maybe we should do that off here I don't know that that would be particularly interesting

for people raising a child yeah earth stuff I don't know patience love really paying attention to what they need and treating them like a human being

I'm trying to get my children playing a little basketball now now that's cooler outside we're shooting hoops catching throwing a lot of tears love a scream but some improvement in the in the skills um can i give you some advice for our pittsburgh stealers

for the love of god tomlin needs to attend mass yes tomlin well we all need to attend mass but um i believe that you can probably be a successful football coach without attending mass and i don't know what the god wants what the god excuse me i think my tooth is not in good shape I don't know how God feels about the Pittsburgh Steelers I'd like to think he wants us to win certainly in the 70s something was in our favor

I look not my place to give advice on the NFL I'm too late to it but my understanding is as with many sports you've got to go down to go up and the Steelers have sort of been stuck somewhere in the middle for a long time and maybe

maybe you've got to go through a rebuild that can also be devastating sometimes you just never get back a look at the Chicago Bulls how long have they been rebuilding for a different sport yeah I don't know I don't know

I don't know next person writes polls a sitcom about a gay strip club and the hijinks that come with it yes I'm sure that would have been very very provoked in the early 2000s,

now I think that would be unlikely to make as big a splash. I remember queer as folk was on television. People couldn't. People would say, queer as folk, my God, is this what gay people are getting up to? Holy do it. And now the most degenerate stuff is happening on

on shows, you know, really fully you know, no one seems to bat an eyelid when, on the first episode of Stranger Things Season 5. The old kids are getting a face fuck by some sort of monster. I was appalled by the opening scene

of Stranger Things season 5. Just proposed at 21. Any advice? Good luck. Be at love. I don't know, man. Every marriage is different.

I'd give him a relationship advice is really difficult if you don't know the people personally but um yeah you know like maybe you're too overbearing maybe you're not nearly overbearing enough i have no way of knowing can i zoom in on your profile picture but try and get a better i can't really tell i can't really tell because it's a screenshot and it's hard to see i think your fiance might have pink hair congratulations that's what i can really tell from the picture i'm sorry uh it i mean it's a advice, love, and respect, and values, having the same ones. How do I stop feeling unfulfilled?

Start feeling too fulfilled. Get so fulfilled that you go, take this fulfillment away from me. I'm going to collapse. Please, please, God, I'm too fulfilled. And you've got still a problem, but a new problem. them. Why can't SA make it to footy finals? I think you'll find the Adelaide Crows played two finals last year. We lost them both. Give advice on being funny. Have a difficult childhood. Okay. How to Catch Flounder. I'm sorry I'm not good at fishing. I'd love to learn.

The next person writes, let's write, get effed, mate. All right. Glad to know that I've got enough followers on the Instagram now that a small amount of abuse is starting to trickle in. Obviously, we don't want too much abuse for that would render it impossible for me to engage with my telephone without feeling sad. But a slight amount of abuse here and there is, I think, a good sign because it means that we're getting out to more people than really want to know about me. and that's called success Nixon Lewis 889 how to deal with socialist children what can I do if my kids under 10

believe in Marx's teachings um they'll grow out of it young people who are not of the left have no what's that line by Churchill it's like a young you've got to be if you're not a lefty when you're young you've got no heart if you're not a righty when you're old you got no head something like that also i don't believe that your children

under 10 believe in marx's teachings because i don't believe they have i don't believe your children have made it through one chapter of das capital what theory of value do your children ascribe to Have a conversation with them about that. When are you coming to Chicago? I hope in May. Excuse me a little bit up there. I hope in May. I'm hoping to come in May.

How do I get over my ex who I see every month on the comedy scene? Oh, ho ho. Go to a different city. Sorry. How much peanut butter is too much peanut butter? if you need more than a glass of one glass of milk to go with two pieces of toast that's too much peanut butter how do we get the cheese out of my ear melt it get yourself in an air fryer how to hit your ride on that catamaran no one who listens to this podcast

will ever be allowed on my boulder i've made that very clear on the earlier episodes when i outlined the rules. What's your real thoughts on Adelaide and where will the crows finish this year? I'm guessing, I mean, are you asking, is the first one about the team or the city? It's a beautiful city. I think the houses that they're building in it at the moment are unforgivably ugly and even though we are in a housing crisis and we need all the stock we can get, they should be exploded and the people responsible should be held accountable. will that make the housing crisis worse yes but um you know have a look at some of the homes for rent in adelaide have a look at some of the homes for

sale and have a look at some of the new builds in mount barker dear listeners and see what you think about that i think the crows will win one final this year at least i think there's possibility they go all the way if we don't you know if some of I'm going to bite my tongue but long term listeners long term listeners the podcast will know that to which I frustratedly allude frustratingly elude Isaac Rankin's a great man I'm saying that was not a hint of irony

I love Isaac Rankin and I wish people who ever heard him and people who made decision weren't quite so frustrating what are good examples of conversation starters when hitting on someone I'd say just whip your dick out and just point at it and say yes can you give some nutritional advice or advice on how to discover

hipster music no i can't give nutritional advice on how to discover hipster music i still like going through pitchfork is not always wrong is it what it used to be no but it's broken clock twice a day that sort of business losing all my money seemingly trying my best yeah i'm sorry brother it's that kind of economy make a lot more that's the only advice i can give ah ha ha ha ha ha no seriously man i've got no fucking idea do a do an audit um you could probably you know i have no idea it's hard out there. It's hard out there everywhere. Next one. Tits. Yeah, I don't know how to give you advice on that other than congratulations.

Here he asks. I can't. I don't know. Congratulations. How much time should you deal with a problem? On how much time should you deal with a problem? First problem there is going to be... On how much time should you deal with a problem? on how much time you should deal with a problem our first problem is going to be expressing ourselves clearly

next person might I recommend having me on as a guest you might certainly recommend it well yes I'm saying yes in in terms of I'm saying yes instead of I'll be honest I'm not saying yes

and you can come on as a guest. I love the boldness. I love the ambition. And I'm going to take no further steps to have you as a guest on my podcast. Here's, okay, you may recommend coming on as a guest. How does that help me? I want you to let me know, write to me, tell me, tell me, seriously, earnestly how that can help me. It could help me in all sorts of ways.

Anyone who'd like to come on the podcast? hit me up but let me know how it could help me get a boat how it could grow the podcast how it could make more money a person who's asked that to come on as a guest do you live in iceland do you know people in iceman iceland ice band i've had a couple of drinkies and i've been mixing them up over the course of thanksgiving dinner um do you know that i'm trying to become successful in iceland do you have plans for getting me to be more successful in iceland know. Why are you ubiquit curry for me? I don't understand what that means. I'm reading them all. Tamales, I don't have any advice on that. Why do the Adelaide Crows suck? Why don't know who your

team is, but I would say it was a frustrating outcome this year. And short of a frustrating outcome next year, let's see if we do a bit better. You must learn to proceed without certainty. Someone writes to me. Well, you seem, that's what, that's literally what they've written. I've said, do you want advice? And they've written, you must learn to proceed without certainty. What may I say to you? You seem pretty certain of that. So who's the dickhead now? No, you're not necessarily calling me a dickhead, but I think that's probably someone frustrated with how much certainty I appear to have. I think proceeding with certainty is working pretty well. And, I would encourage people not to have certainty where they don't have it,

but if you can have certainty about something and you don't have it, that's sort of definitional insanity. Next one. My friend is pussy bragging non-stop lately. I'm quite lonely. How do I deal with this? Oh, you don't even want the pussy. You don't want all that.

hot lovely pussy more pussy for you you don't even want it that's what I would that's how I would respond to if your friend says man I'm getting all this pussy you go oh I wouldn't know no pussy for me thanks fight early in your marriage so you learn how to fight and not hurt each other

but that's someone just sharing with me the most profound advice they received I believe and uh that's also great That might be better than me having to think. Then I could just have other people send in the best piece of advice they ever got. And then I could judge that. That's probably what we'll do for the next one of these.

Thank you. I want to purchase a copy of disquiting levels of egg. Would you sign it for me, Preeze? Priese. I'm sorry, I'm not doing an Asian accent there. I'm just tired. Would you sign it for me, Priese? Yeah, I'll sign it for you.

I mean, you buy it. And if you ever run into me and you haven't, I'll sign it. next one my friend greg is gay how do we tell his wife and two kids let's believe enough in the elasticity of a person that greg can keep that marriage going james should i go back to school brackets university at 35 probably not but maybe i don't know enough about your situation or what you're studying but strong emphasis on probably not like i think that's going to be a mistake for most people but it might not be for you it might not be for me next person writes i'm 40 and i'm in love for the first time and i don't

trust it like do i love her do i love love 40s i think we might have such different temperaments you and I, sir, that I would be unable to render effective advice because I think I first fell in love with a girl when I was four years old. And I don't think more than a week has passed since that I haven't seriously been in love with at least one woman. I'm sorry. I do love love love it sounds like you don't love like if you got to 40 and you didn't fall in love with anybody I think you might just that might be real love or it might not be I don't know you but don't know her what is the most moving work of literature I would think it would be a play because people have to walk around all the movies does movies count as literature oh just a book well that'd be

probably a pop-up book because they move as well or a book, here's one, a book with big words and big spaces on the page, so you can move through the pages very quickly. My most, I mean, which work of literature moves me? Crime and punishment made me feel about a book as I have not felt about a book. Otherwise, what's the best advice you can give? um i don't know i don't know i don't know take your pick out of the list of podcast advice that i'm given out today what happened to the catacast i'm sure it'll be coming back soon

advice on purpose outside of religion i don't know how to i don't know how to respond to that advice on purpose oh how to get purpose outside of religion? Why bother? Serious question. There's probably a good answer on that. I'm not the person to give it to you. Here's my question.

Why bother? Surround yourself with goers and you too shall go. Again, people giving me their advice, things that they want to share with people. I like that. I'll be using that in the future. Advice on no fat. I think your conditions and state of mind are probably as or more influential on not masturbating

than tyranny of will. But I have a especially soft and flaccid tyranny of will. Or dare I say, the challenge to my tyranny of will is enormous and throbbing. How do I go about building an empire? start with a brick end with killing many innocent people all right

well no we'll keep on going advice on pecans I don't know enough about them I'm sorry I'm new to Texas excuse me a little bit would you listen to my music link in bio I would love to I can't

I took screenshots of all of these and your name is not included in it try again later interference in the message please try again later next one x is a cuck oh golly

oh golly ex is a cuck who owes me money yet is still collecting Pokemon cards well it's your ex so move on and you may never get that money again

if it's a lot of money and a lawyer would be worth it You could do it like that, but I think if you got out of the relationship and you don't like this guy and whatever, if you're not in a relationship together, then your ability to get money out of it. Just write that off as a loss, I would say. And if he wants to keep collecting Pokemon cards with your money, well, you don't know him no more. I'm assuming... I don't know why I assumed that was a man.

I guess that seems like a very male pursuit. Has one write a good poem? nobody knows the answer to that because nobody can do it reliably even shakespeare probably wrote some pretty bad stuff advice on two knuckles i don't know what that means is that a cameltoe reference um next person writes doing stand-up in sydney should i just end it all instead no i think sydney's probably a pretty good scene to do comedy in if you're not digging it there you could go somewhere else, but honestly, I've done quite a lot of comedy in Sydney, and I find it to be one of the more rich and fertile scenes in Australia.

Advice on studying out in a high-risk industry, e.g. comedy acting, really do your research and try and be as technically proficient at it as you can. because we can you know people want to make a jump and fly and test themselves suffering is is necessary but insufficient to success in any pursuit so just get the bloody basics down i'm on when i'm on the killed tony panel and the fifth person in a row goes yeah i've been doing it for about a year i'm quitting my job trying to be a rista i've moved to austin i just think oh just do just do a lot of gigs

just get better at it technically for crying out loud like it it it might not be your go time right now have something to show for it don't just do it just to do it get better next one i really want to get to know my yoga teacher but she has a boyfriend what should i do well why do you want to get to know her she has a boyfriend is it because you see her bending over in yoga class you creeper eyes to the front how do how we feeling next one how we feel I'm sorry I'm not trying to maybe you've fallen in love with your yoga teacher maybe you just want to get to know your yoga teacher as a person but just judging by the context of your question I think you're probably a fella

and she's a lady who has a fella and you're short of quite strange circumstances I don't think what you're describing would be appropriate unless you're noticing unusual bruises all over your yoga teacher that the boyfriend might be inflicting and you're going to rescue her how are we feeling about dating in the big 2025

well I'm not doing it and I pity anybody who is. How do you keep the fire alive in a marriage? Be so horny that that's never a problem. I'm sorry, that's great. I think my relative probably is this podcast, but that's really the only advice I could possibly give. Um, not a problem for me. How do I do things? Well, you've got to go out and there and do them, fella. Next one. I'm sad. but keep pushing onward your affirmations are the best please advise on further happen oh godly you like the affirmations well you know do some of those yourself see if that helps i hope that helps

i'd like to do a whole episode of affirmations coming up but i would just have to actually write some i don't have any on me right now and that's why i'm doing advice and i'm too full and tired after Thanksgiving to feel an affirmation inside of me. When I, that's how I do the affirmations. I really get myself into a position to really feel them. And if I'm not feeling them, I can't do them. And I'm withdrawing from nicotine and full of turkey and my tooth hurts. I'm sorry.

I don't have, I have a furrowed brow. I have a negative disposition in the present. And I can tell I don't have, I don't have, I don't have one. I don't have, I don't have one. I don't have one inside of me. I'd love to give one to you, but I don't have one to you. I don't. I could throw an affirmation out and say, I will have an affirmation.

I will, but I don't feel it, and I try and only do it. I only do it when I'm feeling it. Can I be a good Catholic without going to mass regularly? Basically, no. You have an obligation once a week to go if you are physically able and logistically able and you're not, then you are not a Catholic in good standing. Is my understanding? I would accept correction on that from anyone who knows better.

Advice on how to speak to women, treat them like their people. Not always easy, but often very rewarding. When are you coming to Soul Joel? in PA. I don't know. Whenever I'm back in PA. I don't know what that is. It's hard for me to say that in my accent.

How to keep the levels of egg down to a palatable amount? The person who's written, that one doesn't understand my portrait. See, I'm in a bad mood, and that's why I responded like that. If I was going to do a non-sequitur response when I was full of nicotine and feeling good, I'd say,

ah you've understood finally someone is the key to my work and they understand it so both of them were nonsense answers i apologize i apologize oh i apologize i apologize i'm just gonna keep i mean look could i cut this down to be a half hour 20 minute episode like so many of them are yeah i could but people really wrote for a lot of advice and I plan on writing back with my words on the podcast so we're actually getting up to an hour if you'd like more of the advice podcast by the way

there's another hour this is the second hour I've been doing of it today I did a Patreon one it's over on the Patreon feel free to join the Patreon so many beautiful things on the Patreon commercial over who has been your favorite

Catholic interviewer and why uh that's a strange catholic interviewer i don't know if the bro possible boys i mean they're podcasters but we call them interviewers is matt fred an interviewer i guess he's an interviewer um interviewer i think of like michael parkinson mark barns i've never felt interviewed by mark Barnes, we've recorded some conversations that we've had. Jack Blanche?

Well, there's a couple of naps. I said them all this. Sort of angry questions, because I'm feeling grim because of my nicotine, my tooth and my Thanksgiving. You've become self-reflexive, Jimmy. It's time to persevere and give good advice. I actually find giving the advice to be quite, I try not to be flippin about it unless someone writes something like tits. But I find it quite difficult to do, but I won't complain about it. Here's some advice for me, stopping such a bitch.

Next one. I'm having some trouble getting my creative juices flowing. What can I do to kickstart inspiration? James, you don't have to read it like I can. I'm having some trouble getting my creative juices flowing. What can I do to kickstart inspiration? I don't think I have felt uninspired creatively for more than 48 hours at a time. at any point in my adult life.

I don't know how to help you with your problem. I'm sure many great artists do suffer with what you are describing. I find the opposite problem of having far too many things on the boiler and not being able to get them off correctly or with enough help or on time. But as to how to feel inspired, inspiration is all around you. My advice might be that you might be being inspired by things and not notice that they're inspiration.

Despair can be a creative juice. Bortem can be a juice. The juice is all around you. The problem is not getting the creative juices flowing. The problem is you... Or maybe it is. I don't know. But what I suspect is...

um what you're having is an observation problem not a juice flowing problem so maybe try and recognize more things as the juice and open the aperture don't try and kickstart the inspiration open the aperture for what you believe inspiration to be next one what do you expect me to do about it i i wouldn't i don't i was just asking if you wanted any advice and if you if you don't need it That's fine. We're back? We're back. There's a little technical issue there.

Advice on how to get inspiration for poetry, exactly the same as the last one I did. The butter chicken was surprisingly good. It's one of my favorite curries. I'm sorry, the goodwill has come right. Oh, it's going to be a grisly and unhappy. Final 12 minutes off the pod. I can hear it.

Yeah, butter chicken's great. I'm sorry. it's now it's now uh it's one in the morning i'm going to keep going i'm sorry if yours is one of the next pieces of advice and i don't give you the fair hearing you deserve please advise some advice for me to add v y e s well i don't know what that means that's it that's write that in a way that i can understand next time please i don't like pineapple on my pizza i'm tired of everyone telling me that

It's good. It's sacrilegious. Different strokes for different folks is what I would say to you. I'm sorry. Yes, I don't personally like having pineapple on my pizza either. But de gustavus, however that, in matters of taste, there can be no argument, is what I would say. Don't even bother. Of course, sometimes in matters of taste, there can be an argument.

Once in a generation, ideas to help me collect a piece of something. space trash. I'd go with some kind of laser or some kind of drone with arms. Next one. Which is the right religion? Catholicism. Next one. Any advice for a new dad. Take care of yourself such that one day you can be an old dad. Spend time with your children. Define your roles pretty clearly inside the marriage. But be loosey-goosey when you need. Love. And love is not weakness.

No, love can be nimble. Next one. Why shouldn't you? Well, I think that's very beautiful. Next one. I'm sorry, I'm so grimy. I should have ended the podcast. You get me warts and all.

I'm opening my aperture to the ugly side of me. as I enter the second hour of advice podcasting. Would you rather have backwards arms or backwards legs? I need advice on this one. I would rather have backwards legs. There are certain large birds that have that, and it looks cool. Now, also, you can give yourself backwards arms just by hunching them around a little bit.

You can put the elbows out front. I'm doing it now, and there's no problem with that. It's fine. But backwards legs, I think that would be a real thrill. I've often wanted backwards legs Next one Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Or in the one that's into butt stuff

Hmm Beauty's in the brown eye of the beholder Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha Advice for advice please Well I don't Be more specific Next one Advice for family gatherings at Christmas

Brother If you're I wish I knew I wish I knew Next one how do you deal with sin as a catholic if it's too personal skip it love the comedy by the way it's actually not personal at all i mean it's personal in that it it's systemic it's got a confession it's go to confession and make a good confession and then working through that to not sin again that may be personal but uh in terms of dealing

with it. It's decidedly normative and impersonal. I don't want to say it's impersonal. I'm being unfair here, but there is a normative means of dealing with it. And it's the same no matter who you are. How do I find love without the apps?

Breer hands? All these people who don't know how to find love. I walk through an art gallery and fall in love with a painting. I'm falling in love with a pasta dish It's limiting the love I don't know what to tell you

Lower your standards Do you think I should try to use my bidet backwards for fun No Is it better to be pissed off Than pissed on Nothing is worse than being pissed off than pissed on it sounds like you know which way the wind is blowing next one

how to deal with being married to a stubborn Asian woman I'll have a word to my people I know who are I don't know I'm not married to a stubborn Asian woman I'm married to a stubborn Pacific Islander woman and even though

on the census that's the same category I suspect it's very different my wife doesn't want to have sex because it's her time of the month. I want to have sex. Yeah, that's a problem. Talk it out. I find a good way to,

just, you know, again, normatively speaking, does tend to be better sexually when both parties would like to have it. Call me a soy boy cuck if you want, but I think enthusiasm from both parties might be necessary and that might be a conversation you need to have

butt hair too long what do is that the same person who said they had butt hair before is it someone already wrote one about butt hair hold on let me find it there was we're going to go back pretty far to get to the last butt hair one

But you were hairy ass Yeah This is a different person Also complaining about Their hair On their posterior Fellas We've got to do something

About this booty hair I've got that problem too How do you find your way When you are lost Barrel forward You know Maybe you'll get more lost But you'll be more lost

At a new and interesting place And then if you backtrack to where you were lost The first time least you'll have the fun of feeling a little more at home than you otherwise would have if you'd stayed there someone asks you're going to do any new zealand shows in the future that's that advice yes if i live long enough i will do new zealand shows in the future you are worthy it's great advice i wish i wish i i believed it next one yes sir well these are just people being nice to me that, you know, people being nice.

It balances out the one abusive one we had before, but we really were one for about, I don't know, 55 minutes of positive one, so that's good. Need a new hobby. You know, you advise, and I'll let you know how it goes. Brackets beat sieve six too many times. May I recommend sieve five? Yeah, lawn bowls.

I want to take up horseback riding. I think I'd look cool on a horse. Might have to lose weight. I don't want to inflict this body on a horse. next one i'm getting a liver transplant soon from a black guy does this give me the n word pass um i'm going to say yes but you probably won't even want to say it once you have the liver because you'll be a compassionate member of the community how do you like that um genuinely i i i think

I think a heart, you'd be on steady, you'd be on firmer ground if you were receiving a heart. But a liver, identity does not live in the liver. Probably lives in the soul. Soul power, soul food. If you got a soul transplant, it's a guy moving to career. Should my girlfriend major in architectural engineering? great question probably not but like maybe is she really good at it does she want to do that if so yes if not not there will always be jobs in architectural engineering i'm a jewelry design

but then like where's the school is it a good school i'm a jewelry design i'm in a jewelry design program do i take a bench jewelry program next that's the same person who's the last one you're in a jewelry program you're designing jewelry and your girlfriend is majoring an architectural engineering flip them

I'm just being silly you don't have to do that I'm in a jewelry design program do I tend to bench jewelry program I don't know any jewels I know I mean I have two friends dads who are jewels

I wonder if they know about each other I wonder if they respect each other's work yeah believe in your jewelling dreams how does one reconcile uh here is it how does one reconcile the fact that they're very much into ass play but they are a devote to catholic first of all i think you mean devout

and secondly um i don't see why those things should necessarily contradict. It's not something I, you know, I haven't had quite enough to drink to have a passionate discussion about it.

But if play is not completion, then I think the dogma, as it currently stands, is silent. How do I make J.C. a part of my life again? Encounter him, talk to him, pray, read, see him and other people. Use the sacraments that he gave you and the church. Just do the work. Next one.

How do I not hate myself? Oh. Ooh. Well, I don't know what you've done. So maybe hating yourself is a very reasonable response. but it's probably not you're worthy of love i mean boy i managed to hate myself but i don't have a temperament where i can really hold on to that for too long no matter what i do no matter how i fail no matter who i hurt i love myself yeah it's see all right we might get a problem

No matter how many people I hurt. I'll start writing it down. Hold on. Stay with me, folks. Getting a whole lot of podcast today. No matter how many people I hurt. Hold on. No matter how many people I hurt.

No matter how spectacularly I fail. no matter third example I'll get that later I love myself I love myself I love myself that's not how that poem will end up going

but I'm reasonably happy with that as a start what do you miss for Adelaide I miss going to the footy I miss the hills I miss the beach I'm told the beach is all fucked up in the moment I miss the city

I miss sitting at Hey Jupiter and having a coffee. I miss going to the Exeter and having a beer and a discussion. I miss all of my friends. I miss going for a bicycle ride along the Torrens. I miss seeing the Popeye. I mean, I could just, I miss all of the beautiful secondhand bookstores where I know the people who bloody run them. Ah.

I miss going to the Rhino Room. I was putting my own shows on at the Drummer Lama. I miss crowding people in there and have them sit on the floor and going, yes, we're doing it. Yeah, baby, come home. I miss so many things and people about Adelaide. I love Adelaide. Someone writes, is this another 10, I don't know, is this the same advice?

Another 10-minute podcast for a cute bit about existentialism. This podcast is neither. This podcast has turned the corner into its second hour, and I don't know when it ends. soon. Maybe it ends later. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm not getting through all these. I'm just not. That's crazy. All right, well, it does have to end now then. It's ending now. I'll do another one on the, I'll do another one. I'll do another hour. There'll be another one and another hour at another time. Thank you for sending all those in.

I don't have two hours in me right now you wouldn't want to hear where this goes next I don't want to be that guy I'll come back to you with restored you know positivity of all that good stuff I love you I miss you I want you I need you catamaran ho

goodbye