The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Spiritual Bigness - Ft. CJ Landry

Episode Date: September 28, 2025

Find CJ Landry: https://www.instagram.com/thecjlandryHeadline comedy shows on sale now:https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsLAS VEGAS, NV - SEPTEMBER 30IRVINE, CA - OCTOBER 1LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 2BALTIMORE, MD - OCTOBER 10 - 11SPOKANE, WA - OCTOBER 15TACOMA, WA - OCTOBER 16DALLAS, TX - OCTOBER 18FORT WORTH, TX - OCTOBER 19OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - NOVEMBER 5TULSA, OK - NOVEMBER 6NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 14 - 15WASHINGTON D.C. - NOVEMBER 23Join the Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannCheck out Black Israelite:https://youtu.be/oawMfCMLkHUBuy the books:https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCand-Catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll, look, you'll find a way. Catalan home. Hello, and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-Makamaran plan coming to you live from Indianapolis.

Well, coming up on two years now, the main plan we've been undertaking is becoming a stand-up comedy superstar in these United States of America and that journey tonight has brought me to a host, sweet, isn't it a nice, it's a good, it's one of the better hotels I've ever been allowed to stay in

and I want to thank the good people at Helium Indianapolis for what a wonderful show and what a big day. I mean this is what it looks like at the moment. This is what the journey to boat ownership, real $500,000 type style, fancy boat ownership looks like it's coming out and doing a show

and added a series of shows I'm at the point in the stand-up career at the moment career in my career careers are for horses here's the kind of job that they'll give me is I do one night so I'm doing a weekend I did last Thursday Friday this time

but ones in one city and ones in the other so we did two beautiful shows tonight in Indianapolis and I thank everybody for coming out But what I would love to do, and what I one day in the future will hopefully be successful enough to do is what they do is they give you a weekend. So at the moment, I get on a plane in the morning, I fly out and do a show that night, and then I fly out the next morning, and I do a show, and I go to bed, and then I wake up in the morning, and I fly home.

And one day, you're so successful. Oh, it's a dream. They say, you're doing four, five shows. You're doing Friday and Saturday, so you fly in on the Friday. And that one looks much the same. You fly in, you have a little rest, and you do the show. But then, and this is the treat. This is what I'm looking forward to professionally.

You wake up in the morning in the place that you will be doing a show that evening, and you say, ah, time to delight in the place that I'm in. Time to go to a museum, a botanic garden. Here, I go to a library at this point. you get to actually do something we're not there yet i fly in and then i you have 45 minutes to shower and crash and you do the show and then you come back to the room and if you were a party party party boy well you can go out and party afterwards but i i have no um tolerance or aptitude for that sort of carry on so instead i'm here in the hotel room the grand final the crown jewel of uh the uh the

AFL sporting calendar, which is the Australian football that'll be coming on shortly. At the moment, I believe Snoop Doggy Dog is F-slurring his way through a performance. I'm sure he's left those out. Anyway, so once that's over, I have, I don't care to watch. I saw Snoop Dog perform on a screen at the Super Bowl with 50 cent. I think Mary J. Bige, Blige. Some obliging woman named Mary, and I don't feel any a special need to watch him do a watered-down, low-budget version in Australia.

That's just me. I don't know about you. Andrew Dillon, a man who books it. I think you could have. What about an Aussie? What about getting Kieran J. Callan or Alex Cameron out there? Indianapolis, it was a short flight. Well, there was two flights, and almost just once we had to, you know,

I wouldn't say we ran, but I took some stairs at pace to get the flight, and then it was only like an hour flight. And so I only got to watch, I wanted to watch The Godfather. I got through about 22 minutes of the Godfather. And let me just say, what a beautiful wedding, what a wonderful family. The father, he gets all this respect. I don't know what exactly he does for a living. But people seem to love him and be very, very happy about.

him and the younger son it looks like he doesn't really want too much to do with the family business luckily there is an older son who is really keen on participating and is brought close by the father he's the oldest son he has an infidelity problem but um yeah everybody's cheeky and they turn a blind eye and it but it really looks like he's going to do very well running the family business and i i i imagine only good things happen now for the cool he own family What am I reading at the moment? Would you like to know? I'll tell you.

I'm reading Joris Carl Chiusmus against nature. And gee, I hope it gets going, because at the moment it's just him describing his furniture and mutilating a turtle. It's genuinely the book. I'm about 60 pages in, and all that's happened is a guy's moved to a house, and he spends four pages deciding what color of the walls are going to be. And I know it's making some point about decadence and reality and how we exist in the world and in community with other people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I want to plot.

And it doesn't have one. Thus far, hopeful that it gets on going. And the other one, I saw this today. I was in Springfield, Missouri. It's Amy Coney Barrett's listening to the law. Reflections on the court and Constitution. There she is, ACB. And I said, I couldn't help myself at the bookstore.

I said, oh, Amy Comet Barrett, I love her. And I said, oh, you better be quiet because you should get a liberal type in the bookstore. But of course, this is a bookstore in Springfield, Missouri at the airport. And so the woman behind the counter was actually very good. And she said, I liked her, I said, I liked her too. I said, I don't think it's nice the way they treated her when she was getting sworn in. And she said, I didn't think it was nice either. And I see, I think she's got like seven kids.

And they say, mm-hmm. I said, good husband. And we laugh together. So looking forward to reading that one. Outspoken, outspoken, gal. Amy Coney Barrett. And, well, what else? I mean, I'm knackered.

I'll tell you that. Ooh, CJ's on tour with me. He left the room, and he was going to do the podcast with me. But I don't know where he is or when he's coming back. I'm just going to send him a text now. I'm going to say, CJ, are you coming back? I have no memory of you leaving. It's been a big tour.

It's a big tour. Weekends, that's where we want to get to. I had thought, you know, theaters, but theaters is just, you fly in, you do the theater, you fly. Club weekend, three, two, two to three nights. Oh my goodness, you go and eat somewhere. you've got at the art gallery and you say, hey, that's here. That's a wonderful feeling.

If you get to do it with your family and you're staying with an Airbnb, then you're, you're, it's more wearisome, but, well, this has got a little company. Little company indeed, my company of little people. Oh, my goodness. I've been working on a song. I'll play at the end of this podcast, some of it.

And I'm just a garage band, stop working on my phone. and then it started again. Ha, ha, I could come back. I didn't all you want to do. Come back. Come back. Come back.

Do the pod. Wouldn't it be nice to have a second person in the room here at 12.12 a.m. We've got a flat. Not bright, no, it's my morning. And then so many more shows, I should plug them. I'm sorry. He's coming, and the podcast will really take flight at that point. Oh, you better believe after this curse.

introductory section is done it's always performing in liminal spaces I guess a hotel room

is that a liminal space it's between homes airports and roads and hotel rooms

and gives you a fair impression I think of where the wife is that Las Vegas September 30

Irvine October 1st Los Angeles October 2nd Baltimore that one's a weekend October 10th

10th and 11th and then Eugene Oregon the 14th two shows on the 14th Spokane on October 15th Tacoma October 16th Dallas I'm doing Dallas Fort Worth and frankly I'm counting that as a weekend it's the 18th and the 19th Buffalo November 1st oh I got a weekend in Buffalo a weekend in Buffalo I might get to go up and see Niagara Falls Buffalo girls want you come out tonight, come out tonight, would you come out tonight? Oh, Buffalo, would you come out tonight? Has anyone made that into a rap song yet? Buffalo, New York, November 1st, and November 2nd, Oklahoma City, November 5th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, November 6th, Huntsville, Alabama. I don't remember agreeing

to do that one, but I'm very happy to see it there. I think I did. I love Alabama. November 13th, Nashville, Tennessee, we got a weekend. Whoa! Look at that, 14th, 15th, 16th, all in Nashville, Zanis. That's a win, baby. That's a win. That's two nights staying in, that's three, three nights staying in Nashville. I'm going to tell everybody I know that I'm going to Nashville. C.M.

Come on the pod. And Washington, D.C., November the 23rd. And these shows are selling out. So move fast. or you know move slow someone else will get him and um they're actually not all uh i mean they're all completely sold out we get pretty close and uh it's nice i did a meet and greet tonight i'm i was meeting and a greeting and i can't say how much joy it brings me to meet the young men who come to the shows and the girlfriends who tolerate the performance

Some of the girlfriends are pretty good about it And some of the girlfriends are being polite I'll tell you that much for free And I appreciate their politeness They don't want to wait They don't want to meet and greet The girlfriends They've got through the show

They grit their teeth That man said some dreadful thing And then they're ready to leave And the man says No I'm going to wait in line for 20 minutes And shake this man's hand and so hard that it hurts when he gets back to the hotel room. And I say, thank you, sir.

I think we might transition until my hand recovers from some of these shakes to fist bumpery. My goodness, ladies and gentlemen, goodness gracious me. Oh, what's new with you? How are you doing? I'm always so fixated on myself that I never think to ask how you're doing. and I'm meeting so many of you now at these shows and I love you and I hope this podcast brings you satisfaction and joy

while you're working at your various industries or not you could be playing the playing of a video game or the climbing of an oil rig there are many jobs that I like to imagine my listeners doing and let's list all of them until C.J. arrives. Why, you might be stocking shelves at a supermarket. You might be Amy Coney-Barrant writing a decision for the Supreme Court. Stop listening to me, Amy Coney-Barrant. I should

be listening to you. You should be focused on your work, Amy. And those children are making ever so much noise all around you, I'm sure. Why, you might be a pilot. A pilot? A pilot? allowed to listen to things while they fly why that's cj interrupting what was the worst segment of the podcast of all time you know what i'll say about the fans of this podcast and i'm not just blowing smoke up their ass they're good people they're smart people they're the most beautiful people i've been in my entire life now you're just pandering no no no no no no no you don't see j you don't meet them the same way that i meet them after the show there is a dig he's what sets my i know this they they hardly look at me sometimes here's what sets my audience apart

is a dignity of and a bigness of spirit there's a an astonishing spiritual bigness to my fans that i bigness yeah oh yeah i've seen some big ones spiritual boy how dare you i have a very i would say we have been doing the midwest a lot to give you to give you to give you to give you sell some credit yeah it's a big um it is just kind of a big place big heart big jacket big stees which i like and we've covered this how are you i'm sorry that i've been so down amen we all go through it i'm not fun you know if you get to open for somebody else you get all sorts that's not true i've i've i've gone on the road with brian simpson he's about the least fun person i don't believe it i think dude he is come on bro he'll say that himself he'll say that

I mean, he, you know, I'd tell him that to his face. He is, uh, he just, he's, you know, he's a sleepy guy. He likes to, he likes to go get lunch, go back to the hotel, take a nap, and then do the show, and then drink a drink and then go home and go to sleep. He is, he is a chill, very chill guy. It, I think it was the Marines. It mellowed his ass out. Well, yeah, I mean, like, I'm sure they give you all sorts of chemicals.

Sorry, experiences. and I didn't bring the tripod with me on this trip I see that yeah this is a pretty interesting setup but the visual element what they say what they say in the comments it's often the top comment is fantastic visual visual element component component

component I don't even you know the important thing is that it looks good is what I'm saying I think it looks good I was speaking to Sam Clark who is my visual component I was getting fucking dogged out in the comments last time I was on here by the way Some of your fans are fucking pricks. Why?

What did you do to elicit the rock? I don't know. They were like, this guy's fucking boring, fucking nicks. Have you considered being less boring? Huh? What if you sprightened up a bit? What if you did a little jig for the listeners? Yeah.

What do you want for me? I think I don't have a foul word to say about my fan base. The best Lord's name. Some of them are just big and rude. Well, we must all find. our own fan base. That's right. I found these big beautiful...

And I'm burning the bridges to your fucking fans. Discerning only the best for James Donald Forbes McCann, Kettermaran. Now they're just in a comment just to spite me now. That's okay. Hey, it's good for the algorithm. Spite me all the fuck you want. CJ's podcast that you might like to go and get around. Killing time with CJ Landry.

Killing time with me. I'm joking around. Guys, come on. We're joshing around. I've been josh and all night. We've had a great show, James. Tell the people we had a great show. See, J's coming hot for this one.

Tell the people we had a great show. I think you had two great shows tonight, and I had. James said an incredible set. Here's the thing. People don't realize that people write it off. People think, yeah, of course he does. It is almost impossible what James does. What does he do?

Constantly doing. And I'm not even, I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. Oh, my goodness. That's above my pay grade. That's above my pay grade. That's above my pay grade. CJ wants to have a catchphrase. and he wants the catchphrase to be

that's above my pay grade that's above my pay grade after every bit I just go that's a look my pay grade the amount of money that I'm paying C.J. Almost everything is above his program. Oh man. I thought you had good show.

Look, I'm trying to figure out the hour and it's a little more frenetic. That's what it is. That's me on the road everywhere you go. Can you get this door for me? That's above my pay grade. I hit that every day. And he is any kind of fucking favor.

Wip that pay grade back down to zero. Look at his split. Oh, shit. It's so funny. And the crowds were insane. And what I was trying to fucking say is that not everybody can just go up burnt. You just burnt 20 some odd minutes. And now you're not doing it at all.

You're not even doing 20 minutes that is going to the next special, which is crazy. and you're just doing all new topics for an hour's I mean yeah man it's just you know I'm going up there doing it all I am doing it all it is the best of got for 15 to 20 minutes and I'm laying it down and if it doesn't work as good as I want it to it feels like a bomb but I'm but I'm still but you're just doing a stuff but you are doing actually like the fans definitely appreciate the fact that you keep turning it out you know what I mean it's like the speed of it i always think of these businesses being like you're a rocket ship and you've got a burn fuel to move forward i don't know who told me that or if that's mine

but it's a lot rocket ship do you know what you know it was a lot do you know it was a whole lot spacex that bitch springfield the filthy mouth of cjadry sorry man i know i know this is a you've got that dirt ass i keep wait i keep forgetting this is a christian podcast and i am sorry about that please forgive me please forgive me oh they will god we we accept all different types of people we've got some Muslims whoa we've got atheists I'm sure I think we have at least one person of Jewish extraction well I have to be careful because I've hung around with your friend before and I kept saying J.C yes we all know the word I'm JC you're dropping the JC

and I keep I kept dropping around this guy and it was like he was having Tourette's he had to keep like you had to keep like doing this who was it over he just gives you doing the sign of the cross every time i said it and i was like i'm so sorry who was who was you hanging i don't know it was some after a show and i don't even remember the city bro oh yes and it was a couple very nice couple and guy was super nice but i just kept dropping jc bro and he and he just had to keep like i i kept being like i'm so sorry are you doing that because i didn't know at first i was like are you doing that because i keep saying that and he's like yeah and i'm like i'm so sorry and then i did it like three more times after that

Because I didn't, I keep, I just kept doing it. I remember before I was a Catholic. I remember I was saying a lot. And I remember I was at the lunch with the guy I was working with who was a Catholic. And he was being a real dick about it. And I thought, I'll never be as uptight and prissy as you, you big fat mess. And I am now. That's, here's the deal, man.

That is the biggest fault that religion. One of the biggest faults that I think Catholics have is that they are, and maybe this is every religion, but this is the one that I know the most, Catholics. Y'all a little too judgy. Oh, yeah. Like, hey, let people live a little. Yeah, I'm going to curse a little bit. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm not Nate Bargazzi. He said, I don't say tonight. I've had a whole riff on Nate Bargatsy. Well, we're a pro. I'm sorry, I say bitching ass sometimes and maybe J.C. I drop a J.C. Maybe if you're watching, this man does not represent my ears. I might drop an F in a D.

In a D? Yeah, and a D. I'm going to say Dick up there. Oh, Dick. Yeah, I'm going to say deck up there. A great president. Sorry about that. We met a fifth tonight.

By the way, the kids, imagine what comedy is going to be 20 years from now. The kids are listening to the wet app is pussy and fucking hot girl summer popping that pussy, booty hole brown, whatever the fuck it is. You think because it was, it was sort of a bit dirty for the president. previous generation and it was very dirty for our generation and it's extremely dirty. And there's going to be guys in tuxedos on late night doing bits about cereal. Get the fuck out of here. No, you know what they'll be

doing? What? They'll be stumping dogs to death in the street and giving each other Zyclon B enemas. And you know what their kids will be doing? Nuclear war. Yeah. And as they put their poison gas up their

bussy. There's not going to be art anymore. kids with their nuclear war, I don't know. Yeah, it's just going to be war, no art. We need, we need like 10 years of just solid war, no entertainment. And then I think entertainment will reset. You know what I mean? It'll completely reset. We need it because we just need a break from it.

We don't need to make anything anymore. CJ crying out for a purifying war. I think it's inevitable. I'm not crying out for it. I'm just saying it's inevitable, I think. How quickly C.J. pivots from... I'm saying it's inevitable. I don't think that's...

These Catholics are a bit too judgy. Nah, but seriously, we need a horrifying war to get people acting right again. I just think entertainment needs to reset and it's going to take a war. That's what I think. CJ dropping the J.C. Did I do it just now? No. Okay, good.

Okay, thank God. Thank God. Sorry. Thank you. Please. Thank you, Jesus. Is that okay. Can I say thank you Jesus?

Yeah. Thank you Jesus. Okay, whatever. Love and do as you will. The rules are just, the rules have always bothered me. By the way, like the Catholic schools, like, I mean, they just, they, they've gone gay. They got, no, like, they get the girls on their knees and they go, I got to measure how long the skirt is and make sure you don't touch the floor. Like, it's, it's some freak shit there, man.

They want long skirts. They don't want the skirts to be up. I get it. The knees and the measurements is kind of what I don't like. But I, it's. CJ wants school girls in short shorts. Yeah, it shrunk a little in the wash. Let's get over to break, huh?

You know, that's not what the school girls are doing. They do. I went to Catholic school, bro. No, I'm saying the girls, the girls get that skirt to go up high. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They got all sorts of tricks. No, you're right. Yeah, nobody at the Catholic school wants to see that.

Frankly, if we could get a couple of heterosexual pedophiles in the schools, that would, that could. You would only help our reputation at this point. Now, you're right. That's a good point. How much fun we do have while we're out on the road. I am a spent force, C.J. You are.

You're carrying this part now. A brilliant mind. You're tired. I get it. I am having the time of my life on the road. I think this room isn't, I mean, what an insane upgrade from the last one. Mm-hmm. Oh my God.

Mm-hmm. We out here doing it. We're at here doing it on these streets. Tell them. I was thinking of so many beautiful things. I can't wait to show you a NFL football. The final is... Wait, it's halftime now?

No, it hasn't started yet. I've never watched AFL, and you're saying this is like the Super Bowl, right? Oh, yes. And Snoop dogs performing on this one. They just performed. They performed before. What?

Yeah. That's crazy, bro. I know good for Snoop man that guy I mean you can't put that guy down he is just on everything he forever it's like him and Kevin Hart I feel like they're gonna be on commercials and like they're gonna be doing 20 more years a scary man Snoop Dogg was coming out and going I kill people like he was doing all that stuff he actually murdered people he's like I'm a murderer I'm a crib and now he's coming out and I'm with Martha Stewart no smoked marijuana and I sit in a big chair it's incredible But that, I mean, in the next, who's the, who can we, what, it'll be the great pornographers of the day.

We'll have baking programs. I mean. Yeah, it's like this girl, she got famous for fucking a thousand guys. Oh, yes. And now she does a yoga channel. Well, flexibility would be. That's true. I mean, she's very flexible.

Good God. I don't know. I've not participated in her work. No, me either. A thousand? that's too many. I'm like, I can't watch that.

That's, you know. I was trying to do a bit about it. I was doing a bit about it and I couldn't get it off the ground. Sorry, what? It's like a thousand men. You're watching a thousand men have six with a single lady? You're jacking off to a war crime?

Yeah. As the Soviets march through Poland and that's what you're using for stimulus? I really am trying to get the, I'm trying to get a couple of clean, likable things. I think the tonight shows are all dying, If I was to go on this tonight show, is there anything I could say with them? And my cleanest bit about eight words in, I say, pussy! But that's the thing.

It's like, it was really funny. But I remember you saying that tonight. But, uh, I also think it's funny on stage to have a very dirty act and continue to go, I wanted to be clean. I know, yeah. Let me be clean. The delivery, you kind of delivered a little, little nadier Jerry tonight. What did I do? Nadia Jerry.

Yeah, you like started the driving, one of the, one of the bits about driving. And you were like, yeah, what's the deal? you're doing it on purpose i was trying to do it as a meta you're doing it on purpose it's very not that i respect the meta yeah i don't know we must all we must all the world but even even if you had a clean bit i was thinking about this even if you had a clean bit it don't matter people people think just to get on late nights oh it just has to be clean no no they're going to print it out and they go i don't know you say you see black guy here it's like even if it's clean it's still like eh you know divisive i don't think we should take that out delete that there

still going to they're still going to edit it even if it is clean ladies gentlemen it's so nice to be here on the last remaining tonight show you know i was at the airport recently yeah yeah and you know what i saw at the airport the uh the bouquet of flowers vending machine why that's for the scumbag husband on the go isn't it i don't know what happened on the business trip where you came back and bought flowers at the airport flower vending machine it's right behind the door, too, bro. It can't have been good. It's right by the door.

It's like, you left, you left where the food is and all the shops and you're, and you get to the back door. And it's finally like, oh, I should get her fuck something here. Wait, it'll take a fucking five. I've only seen that machine at Austin. I've never seen that. It is only in Austin. But I thought that's one idea.

Every time I see it, I think someone should be doing some good clean comedy about the airport bro vending. I was thinking about that too because I'm like, how many. How many jobs are these robots going to take from the Mexicans? Bro, first is the Uber's. Now you've got a robot selling flowers? Come on, dude. I think to make the jug work, I would make it the airport florist.

I would just say, have you ever seen an airport, florist? Floresst is a nice word to say. It is a florist. It is a florist. I really am thinking about this good, clean, approachable, clean, perfect, pristine, clean. Be clean. What's your clean? I can't think of one of your clean.

I don't have clean. I want to be able to work clean. Ooh, what about the Bass Pro Shop poem? That's clean. That's about fish wanting to commit suicide. That's true, but it's still clean. You can still have it.

Well, thank you, Gwyneth Paltrow for sitting down to talk with us about your hand soap. Coming up next day as we can. Hey, everybody, you haven't noticed these fish want to fucking kill the Excel. No, come on. Clean. I don't know. Because that's what show business is about. It's about professionalism.

You can do a, yeah, do a bit about, I don't know, dogs. You ever think about dogs? I've never in my life been truly satisfied with a pair of socks. Every pair of socks I own, every pair of socks I've bought. There's been at least one small thing that I didn't like about them. That's a poem immediately. That should get into the book of poems. Yeah, that's a good poem.

It's a nice thing about you. Never liked a pair of socks. I actually disagree with you, though. Well, eh. A perfect, the perfect pair of socks? Carhart makes them pretty damn good socks. I've, I've been buying packs of them on Amazon. They're just easy to get, and they're very comfortable.

I'm about to head home to make a movie. We'll make a movie in Australia. I'm down. I've been acting my ass off. I've been acting my ass off. I'll play a, I'll play some, maybe like, I don't know. What could I nail, you think? What could I be like?

Well, let's wait and see what's in the script. Maybe like a Jiffy Loop employee or? I don't know that that's in it. There's not much. jiffy lube factory the bartender I could be bartender bar back

a video that I'd like to make I'd like to do more with the James Donald Fores McCann seal of approval and I the YouTube now makes enough money like on a video

if a video comes out and it's a good video I might make you know a couple hundred bucks off their video I could just order I could use that money

ahead of time this is girl math but I could say I'll buy all the socks right and I'll review and I'll find the right socks and I'll give them the seal of approval and the video will pay for the socks and then not only

do I have a video, CJ I have socks. Think about it. Yes, sock brand maybe maybe a endorsement. You get a sock endorsement. Do you want to hear some of the poems that aren't funny that I'm not doing on stage? Yeah, yeah.

This one's about going on tour. Man should live his only life in one house, one room, just one corner of the room. It's a short poem. inflation is no not that one at the swimming pool watching the water try to figure itself out these are very fast you're giving me lightning speed fucking it's never illegal to have an erection