The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - The full Christmas Special is out now

Episode Date: December 18, 2022

Partake of the Christmas special now: https://youtu.be/LUelSpbcWl8 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
Starting point is 00:00:28 I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out
Starting point is 00:00:56 now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com I wish you a Merry Christmas. And you know what? That's not just some empty well-wish. Often, you'll tell someone, I wish you a Merry Christmas. Hey, Merry Christmas, man, and a Happy New Year. But you don't mean it.
Starting point is 00:01:27 You're just trying to buy some eggs. You don't care if that person has a Merry Christmas or not, and you're certainly not doing anything material to improve the chances that the Christmas is merrier than it otherwise would have been. But I'm not like that. I have a reason that you, sweet dear listener to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan, should feel especially merry this Christmas.
Starting point is 00:01:52 And the reason is this. But first, I'm just going to close my door because I think I'm waking people up. I was trying to usher a mosquito out of the Volvo earlier and I can only hope that I've been successful. Now that it's got its share of my blood. Merry Christmas, everybody. Why is it a Merry Christmas? Here's why. The James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas Special is out now.
Starting point is 00:02:18 It's on YouTube where you can watch it for free. It's about 45 minutes long and it's full of some of the most glorious Christmas things that I could think up. There's brandy, eggnog, songs. There are no sketches because we had to reschedule and some of the actors couldn't show up. But I do describe what the sketches would have been there's a long original christmas song
Starting point is 00:02:47 about sort of about 2022 and sort of about uh you know the human condition beautiful piano at my friend paul's place and um on on oh and the way it's shot now the audio is excellent and i thought seriously about releasing it as a Christmas album as well but I've decided that the video component is so tremendous that you'll definitely want that. It was shot, we have three VHS cameras, this was all set up by first mate Sam Clark. Three VHS cameras that he's digitising and feeding through a live editing software and a big machine that he owns. I don't really understand the technical side of it completely.
Starting point is 00:03:31 What I do understand is that Sam Clark is a genius and it's so good to have him on board. Also of genius level, Paul Galash, who I've just come back from a Christmas market with. He's back at his house now. And we had a wonderful time with the children. Gee, it was tough and very crowded. But here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Oh, and I had an idea for next year at the Christmas market to make money because people were selling things on stands and they said it was $600 to get your own stand. And people are selling like Christmas baubles with your name on it, $25. And I thought, that's a good idea. I mean, I couldn't personally afford to get individual ones of that for my family, but we could get, you know, the McCann's. I didn't get it. But I was thinking, what could I sell at a Christmas stand, you know,
Starting point is 00:04:17 $600, three days of a stand, very crowded, and it occurred to me, here's my thought. You ready? Scented candles. Forget scented candles, scented candles. I assume you either have to make them yourself, which would be very time consuming, or someone out there probably sells scented candles and you just sell them to the public at a gorged price.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Ah, you probably do have to do something to them, or else it's, um... scandal, isn't it? That's just price gouging for money. And we don't do that here on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan, but maybe I could put a ribbon on them. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is the Christmas special is out now.
Starting point is 00:05:07 It's very visually beautiful. It is audio-wise, expertly done. Anna Freer, one of my very dear friends in Switzerland, who's like a top-class musician, top-class violin player, studying violin around the world. Thanks to her that we've got so many disabled listeners in Switzerland, although I think they keep being euthanized. It's terrible business there. We stand against euthanasia here on the show.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Well, mostly we stand for a boat, but maybe, you know, it's good also to mention my position on euthanasia. Listen, the important thing, not to alienate anyone who listens, who is a big fan of euthanasia. I just don't agree. Now, anyway, Anna Freer said, it's hard not to let my personal, I've been reading a lot about euthanasia this week. It's hard not to let my personal... I've been reading a lot about euthanasia this week. And in Canada, they're euthanising people who are not terminally ill. People who are not entering end-of-life care, who have just deemed to have a sufficiently low quality of life.
Starting point is 00:06:17 And it appears as though many of these people are applying to be killed by the government because they don't have access to social services. They're afraid of losing. They're afraid of being homeless. They're afraid of being a financial burden. And so the government will kill you. And I, look, call me crazy, but I think that is gross. I don't really, other than the innate dignity of the human person,
Starting point is 00:06:44 have a framework with which to tell you why I think that's ethically wrong. But I do think it's super gross. All right. And feel free to write to me if you think I've misunderstood the situation in Canada. Would love to find out more about the Canadian euthanasia situation. Euthanasia, too many of them. Now listen, the Christmas special, in which euthanasia is practically not mentioned.
Starting point is 00:07:11 It's out now, and I've done the maths. So for YouTube views, if you get 1,000 views, you get $5. You know? So for every 10,000 views, we can keep a Canadian person who wants to be euthanized alive for one day. It's just a joke.
Starting point is 00:07:31 They're not getting a cent of my money. So for 1,000 views, what we're trying to do is get a boat. This is not the James McCann prevent poor people from being murdered by the government plan, although that would be a good plan also. This is the James Donald Force McCann Cadmiran plan. It's all about buying me a boat. So $5 per 1,000 views. We need $500,000. So that's 1,000 times 100,000, which I think is a billion. So if we get a billion views, and I look this up, it's roughly one-tenth of Baby Shark.
Starting point is 00:08:10 I can just, just like that, Google will give me enough money to buy either a really flash boat or a really terrible Australian home. You know what you can do? You can get a nice little retirement village home in Adelaide for that. I've been looking at houses because I'd like to buy a house one day for my family. And even though house prices are quote unquote coming down, yeah, the only properties that I can really afford is like a two bedroom retirement village home. And I don't think they'd be happy with me bringing three screaming children in there oh maybe I'm wrong maybe it's the beginning of a hilarious film where me and the other I was about to call them patients but I guess residence is the term that they would want
Starting point is 00:08:59 to use we get into a series of hilarious misunderstandings. And then some of them want to euthanise themselves because no one will come and visit them. Why am I talking about euthanasia so much? What I want to talk about is the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas special. We got Silent Night. We got Oh Holy Night. We got, um, uh, oh, sugar. Did I just leave the lights on on my car?
Starting point is 00:09:25 No, I think something else must have turned on. Hold on. No, all good. Sorry, I'm a bit panicked because two days ago, I took my wife and children to the hospital so they could have the routine checkup on the baby. And I just sat in the car with the air conditioner on. Ah, excuse me, there's a mosquito in this car.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Still, get out! Out! Anyway, so the battery died, and I couldn't drive my family away, and we all had to sit there in the heat, windows down, waiting for the RAA to come. And then the RAA did come, and they helped us out, and I want to say thank you to them. But also, what I want to say thank you to them. But also what I want to say thank you to...
Starting point is 00:10:07 Man, I've got to open this door again. More mosquitoes are going to come in. This is not a practical way to record a podcast. How many podcasts are just going to descend into me having a crisis about how I'm recording the podcast in my car and I dare not turn the air conditioner on while I'm in this car. If it's not running. I could just run the car and have the air conditioner on, but the petrol would be insane.
Starting point is 00:10:28 I need a boat. That has to be something that I really focus on next year, is even just a small boat that's not a catamaran, but we get started with a boat so I can learn how to sail, but more importantly, that I can go and sit below deck in an enclosed space that's not too hot, where I can record the podcast. Like, even just for that end, I think it would be worthwhile. Anyway, listen, I'm getting distracted.
Starting point is 00:10:56 What I want to be talking about is the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas special, out now on YouTube. If we get a billion views, which is unlikely, but if we do, we'll get all the money we need for me to have a boat. If we get less views than that, we'll still get some money for me to have a boat. How are we going to get more views? Well, number one, you can watch it. So feel free to go and watch that. You don't have to listen to the rest of this podcast if you don't want to.
Starting point is 00:11:20 In fact, I'm shocked that upon starting this podcast, getting the news that there was a Christmas special, you didn't immediately stop the podcast and go and watch it. That's what I would have done. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, Here's a show that we recommend. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Have the door open, you can hear the cars coming past, falling over my words. I'm not sleeping.
Starting point is 00:12:37 I'm not sleeping. I slept not at all last night. I didn't sleep at all last night. This baby's keeping me up. This is a hard time with this baby Such a beautiful baby boy And these other kids are just also so beautiful And so challenging
Starting point is 00:12:53 If you want to hear me complain about that even more You can go and watch the James Donald Falls of Can Christmas special But I've come up with a list of ways That you as a listener to the podcast Can help if you would like to, to get more views on the Christmas special. So I've written them out and here they are. All right, here we go. I'll just bring in my list.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Number one, scented candle. That was a different note. Excuse me. But I do think the scented candle is definitely something we could do. Number one, tell a friend slash tell a stranger. If you have any friends or strangers that you'd like to tell about the Christmas special, Please do. You could do that in person. Oh, hello, Janice. Have you watched the Christmas special that James did?
Starting point is 00:13:49 It's great. Or you could direct message them. And here's one that I have been working on, just as a proof of concept. You can call them. Let's see how that goes. Hello? Hello, Eddie Bannon. Yes. This is James McCann. How are you? I am fine. So this is my predicament, not predicament, but I am in Amsterdam. Are you all right?
Starting point is 00:14:19 Yes. Everything is fantastic. I was just calling to ask, because I've got a Christmas special coming out. Yes. And people have asked how they can help promote it, and I've said one way might be calling a friend and telling them about it. So I thought I'd call you. Okay. So I'm just calling to let you know about the Christmas special. When is that on then?
Starting point is 00:14:43 It's out now. Well, enjoy it. Okay, just wanted to let you know about it. Thank you for coming on the podcast. Well, you have been a joy. I'll talk to you soon. Bye. And that's how well it could go.
Starting point is 00:15:03 And that's how well it could go. Hi, this is Michael Schaffer. Please leave a message after this. Hello, Michael. I was just calling with my podcast to tell you about the James Donald Forrest McCann Christmas special. I'm just calling people on my phone and I'd hope to get you and tell you about it, but, well, it's out now.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Well, it's out by the time this podcast comes out. You can't look up. Anyway, I just... I'll talk to you soon. Hello, Rudy. I'm just calling you as a part of my podcast. I'm calling people and telling them about the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas special, which is out now.
Starting point is 00:16:04 I just thought I'd let you know about it. I'm showing this as an example of how people can let their friends know. No. Wonderful. Well, I'll get on to watching it as soon as possible, Mr. McCann. I really appreciate that, Rudy. Are you still in Adelaide? At the moment, I am in the sweaty mines of South Australia.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Ah, you're right. You're down in the mines. Well, you can still hopefully get it down in the mines. You don't have to be in a big city to watch it. And, Rudes, I just want to say thank you for being a part of the show. Thank you. Thank you for having me, Mr. McCann. I'll speak to you soon.
Starting point is 00:16:36 All right. Talk to you soon. Thanks, Rudes. Goodbye. See you. Well, that one went better. Hey, James, how are you going? I'm very well. How are you, Craig?
Starting point is 00:16:54 Good. I'm just about to head out for a family lunch thing. I'm going to be... Can we go and see your thing? Yes. I'm going to try and send an email tomorrow. Oh, thank you. Well, I was actually...
Starting point is 00:17:03 I was just calling about that, and I was just going to quickly say... Because I'm doing the podcast now, and I was going to try and send an email tomorrow. Oh, thank you. Well, I was actually, I was just calling about that and I was just going to quickly say, because I'm doing the podcast now and I was going to say, it was so nice that you raised how can you people promote it? And I thought one way was just even calling someone and telling them about it. So I thought I could call you now and as an example. Excellent. Great. Well, I appreciate that. Great. Well, I appreciate that. Hello? Hello, Samantha.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Now, you're on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan right now. Great. And I'm just calling mainly to say the Christmas special is out now, and I'm showing that this is the one way that people can get the word out, is just calling their friends and telling them about it. I think that's a really nice way to tell people. I'm really effective. Thank you. I'm going to watch it right now. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Not bad, not bad at all. So number two, get a famous person to share it. Now, the great thing about famous people is that they have lots of fans who follow them and pay attention to them.
Starting point is 00:18:06 And then when they say something is good, they go and they send people and they go and watch it. So what you can do, if you would like, is and you know any famous people. This option really only open to people who personally know famous people. But if you know them or if I suppose you are a famous person, if you could get them to share it, that would be useful. Now, if you share it to your Instagram stories or whatever social media platform you like, and you're not famous, hey, that's good too. Happy to have two or three people viewing the video and 0.0000 cents. I don't 100% understand how math works on what a single view is. But if you're not a famous person, amplify. I don't 100% understand how math works on what a single view is.
Starting point is 00:18:48 But if you know a famous person, amplify. And famous people, they love raising awareness, much more than producing things like their own work, because that is difficult. And if what you do instead is you raise awareness about something, you get to feel, as a famous person, you're participating in the discourse and the creative process, but not actually doing any of the labor. So, okay, the next one.
Starting point is 00:19:12 This one's similar to the last one. Broadcast the special on mass media. Perhaps you work at Channel 7 or a Fox network or CBS or the BBC or television South Africa I don't know what television station you work for if any but maybe you could you know if you're thinking of leaving your job or you can do it without being noticed you could just secretly broadcast it to the public I thought that would be that would be an exciting way for you to leave the job, a good way for the Christmas special to get out to more people. You know, you could also do it on radio. If you run a radio show, you have my permission
Starting point is 00:19:54 to just play the Christmas special in full or in pieces and drive people to view it there. I think that could work also. Look, that's all I've really got at the moment for how you can help spread the Christmas special. Tell people, take over broadcast media, or be famous or know a famous person, and that would be sensational.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Yes, I think Santa'd candle, close the door again. It's not a bad idea. I'll just turn the light off in the car because, again, we don't want to lose the battery. Here is a little bit from the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas Special 2022 available now on YouTube. And, you know, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. And I hope you know that.
Starting point is 00:20:39 And if only there was an out-of-copyright song that perfectly conveyed my love of wishing you a very merry Christmas. Oh, wait. We wish you a merry Christmas. We wish you a merry Christmas. We wish you a merry Christmas. And a happy new year.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Good tidings that we bring to you and your kin. I always thought that was king when I was a kid. You know what I mean? It's kin, like your family. Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year. Now bring us some figgy pudding. Oh, we're gonna kill you. Bring us figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer. Solo! Yeah, let's have a Christmas solo. Good tidings we bring to you and your kin. Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year. Man, I love Christmas! Kids, I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Learn more at store.google.com. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines.
Starting point is 00:23:50 And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.