The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - The full Christmas Special is out now
Episode Date: December 18, 2022Partake of the Christmas special now: https://youtu.be/LUelSpbcWl8 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....
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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan.
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Clom? Ah, we f***ed it.
Anyway, look, you'll find a way.
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I wish you a Merry Christmas.
And you know what? That's not just some empty well-wish.
Often, you'll tell someone, I wish you a Merry Christmas.
Hey, Merry Christmas, man, and a Happy New Year.
But you don't mean it.
You're just trying to buy some eggs.
You don't care if that person has a Merry Christmas or not,
and you're certainly not doing anything material
to improve the chances that the Christmas is merrier
than it otherwise would have been.
But I'm not like that.
I have a reason that you, sweet dear listener to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan,
should feel especially merry this Christmas.
And the reason is this.
But first, I'm just going to close my door because I think I'm waking people up.
I was trying to usher a mosquito out of the Volvo earlier and I can only hope that I've been successful.
Now that it's got its share of my blood.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Why is it a Merry Christmas?
Here's why.
The James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas Special is out now.
It's on YouTube where you can watch it for free.
It's about 45 minutes long and it's full of some of the most glorious Christmas things
that I could think up.
There's brandy, eggnog, songs.
There are no sketches
because we had to reschedule
and some of the actors couldn't show up.
But I do describe what the sketches would have been there's a long original christmas song
about sort of about 2022 and sort of about uh you know the human condition beautiful piano at my
friend paul's place and um on on oh and the way it's shot now the audio is excellent and i thought
seriously about releasing it as a Christmas album as well
but I've decided that the video component is so tremendous that you'll definitely want that.
It was shot, we have three VHS cameras, this was all set up by first mate Sam Clark.
Three VHS cameras that he's digitising and feeding through a live editing software
and a big machine that he owns.
I don't really understand the technical side of it completely.
What I do understand is that Sam Clark is a genius
and it's so good to have him on board.
Also of genius level, Paul Galash,
who I've just come back from a Christmas market with.
He's back at his house now.
And we had a wonderful time with the children.
Gee, it was tough and very crowded.
But here's the thing.
Oh, and I had an idea for next year at the Christmas market to make money because people
were selling things on stands and they said it was $600 to get your own stand.
And people are selling like Christmas baubles with your name on it, $25.
And I thought, that's a good idea.
I mean, I couldn't personally afford to get individual ones of that
for my family, but we could get, you know, the McCann's.
I didn't get it.
But I was thinking, what could I sell at a Christmas stand, you know,
$600, three days of a stand, very crowded, and it occurred to me,
here's my thought.
You ready?
Scented candles.
Forget scented candles, scented candles.
I assume you either have to make them yourself,
which would be very time consuming,
or someone out there probably sells scented candles and you just sell them to the public at a gorged price.
Ah, you probably do have to do something to them,
or else it's, um...
scandal, isn't it?
That's just price gouging for money.
And we don't do that here on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan,
but maybe I could put a ribbon on them.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here
is the Christmas special is out now.
It's very visually beautiful.
It is audio-wise, expertly done.
Anna Freer, one of my very dear friends in Switzerland,
who's like a top-class musician, top-class violin player, studying violin around the world.
Thanks to her that we've got so many disabled listeners in Switzerland, although I think
they keep being euthanized.
It's terrible business there.
We stand against euthanasia here on the show.
Well, mostly we stand for a boat, but maybe, you know, it's good also to mention my position on euthanasia.
Listen, the important thing, not to alienate anyone who listens, who is a big fan of euthanasia.
I just don't agree.
Now, anyway, Anna Freer said, it's hard not to let my personal, I've been reading a lot about euthanasia this week.
It's hard not to let my personal... I've been reading a lot about euthanasia this week.
And in Canada, they're euthanising people who are not terminally ill.
People who are not entering end-of-life care,
who have just deemed to have a sufficiently low quality of life.
And it appears as though many of these people are applying to be killed by the government
because they don't have access to social services.
They're afraid of losing.
They're afraid of being homeless.
They're afraid of being a financial burden.
And so the government will kill you.
And I, look, call me crazy, but I think that is gross.
I don't really, other than the innate dignity of the human person,
have a framework with which to tell you why I think that's ethically wrong.
But I do think it's super gross.
All right.
And feel free to write to me if you think I've misunderstood the situation in Canada.
Would love to find out more about the Canadian euthanasia situation.
Euthanasia, too many of them.
Now listen, the Christmas special,
in which euthanasia is practically not mentioned.
It's out now, and I've done the maths.
So for YouTube views,
if you get 1,000 views,
you get $5.
You know?
So for every 10,000 views,
we can keep a Canadian person who wants to be euthanized alive for one day.
It's just a joke.
They're not getting a cent of my money.
So for 1,000 views, what we're trying to do is get a boat.
This is not the James McCann prevent poor people
from being murdered by the government plan,
although that would be a good plan also.
This is the James Donald Force McCann Cadmiran plan. It's all about buying me a boat. So $5
per 1,000 views. We need $500,000. So that's 1,000 times 100,000, which I think is a billion.
So if we get a billion views, and I look this up, it's roughly one-tenth of Baby Shark.
I can just, just like that, Google will give me enough money to buy either a really flash boat or a really terrible Australian home.
You know what you can do?
You can get a nice little retirement village home in Adelaide for that. I've been looking at houses because I'd like to buy a house one
day for my family. And even though house prices are quote unquote coming down,
yeah, the only properties that I can really afford is like a two bedroom retirement village home.
And I don't think they'd be happy with me bringing three screaming children
in there oh maybe I'm wrong maybe it's the beginning of a hilarious film where me and the
other I was about to call them patients but I guess residence is the term that they would want
to use we get into a series of hilarious misunderstandings. And then some of them want to euthanise themselves
because no one will come and visit them.
Why am I talking about euthanasia so much?
What I want to talk about is the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas special.
We got Silent Night.
We got Oh Holy Night.
We got, um, uh, oh, sugar.
Did I just leave the lights on on my car?
No, I think something else must have turned on.
Hold on.
No, all good.
Sorry, I'm a bit panicked because two days ago,
I took my wife and children to the hospital
so they could have the routine checkup on the baby.
And I just sat in the car with the air conditioner on.
Ah, excuse me, there's a mosquito in this car.
Still, get out!
Out!
Anyway, so the battery died, and I couldn't drive my family away,
and we all had to sit there in the heat, windows down,
waiting for the RAA to come.
And then the RAA did come, and they helped us out,
and I want to say thank you to them.
But also, what I want to say thank you to them. But also what I want to say thank you to...
Man, I've got to open this door again.
More mosquitoes are going to come in.
This is not a practical way to record a podcast.
How many podcasts are just going to descend into me having a crisis about how I'm recording the podcast in my car
and I dare not turn the air conditioner on while I'm in this car.
If it's not running.
I could just run the car and have the air conditioner on,
but the petrol would be insane.
I need a boat.
That has to be something that I really focus on next year,
is even just a small boat that's not a catamaran,
but we get started with a boat so I can learn how to sail,
but more importantly, that I can go and sit below deck in an enclosed
space that's not too hot, where I can record the podcast.
Like, even just for that end, I think it would be worthwhile.
Anyway, listen, I'm getting distracted.
What I want to be talking about is the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas special, out
now on YouTube.
If we get a billion views, which is unlikely, but if we do, we'll get all the money we need for me to have a boat.
If we get less views than that, we'll still get some money for me to have a boat.
How are we going to get more views?
Well, number one, you can watch it.
So feel free to go and watch that.
You don't have to listen to the rest of this podcast if you don't want to.
In fact, I'm shocked that upon starting this podcast, getting the news that there was a
Christmas special,
you didn't immediately stop the podcast and go and watch it.
That's what I would have done.
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Here's a show that we recommend.
I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, Here's a show that we recommend. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no.
That's what my grandma's on.
Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook.
It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.
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ACAST.com Have the door open, you can hear the cars coming past,
falling over my words.
I'm not sleeping.
I'm not sleeping.
I slept not at all last night.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
This baby's keeping me up.
This is a hard time with this baby
Such a beautiful baby boy
And these other kids are just also so beautiful
And so challenging
If you want to hear me complain about that even more
You can go and watch the James Donald Falls of Can Christmas special
But I've come up with a list of ways
That you as a listener to the podcast
Can help if you would like to, to get more views on the Christmas special.
So I've written them out and here they are.
All right, here we go.
I'll just bring in my list.
Number one, scented candle.
That was a different note.
Excuse me.
But I do think the scented candle is definitely something we could do.
Number one, tell a friend slash tell a stranger. If you have any friends or strangers that
you'd like to tell about the Christmas special, Please do. You could do that in person.
Oh, hello, Janice.
Have you watched the Christmas special that James did?
It's great.
Or you could direct message them.
And here's one that I have been working on, just as a proof of concept.
You can call them.
Let's see how that goes.
Hello?
Hello, Eddie Bannon.
Yes. This is James McCann. How are you? I am fine. So this is my predicament, not predicament, but I am in Amsterdam. Are you all right?
Yes. Everything is fantastic. I was just calling to ask, because I've got a Christmas special coming out.
Yes.
And people have asked how they can help promote it,
and I've said one way might be calling a friend and telling them about it.
So I thought I'd call you.
Okay.
So I'm just calling to let you know about the Christmas special.
When is that on then?
It's out now.
Well, enjoy it.
Okay, just wanted to let you know about it.
Thank you for coming on the podcast.
Well, you have been a joy.
I'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
And that's how well it could go.
And that's how well it could go.
Hi, this is Michael Schaffer.
Please leave a message after this.
Hello, Michael.
I was just calling with my podcast to tell you about the James Donald Forrest McCann Christmas special.
I'm just calling people on my phone
and I'd hope to get you and tell you about it,
but, well, it's out now.
Well, it's out by the time this podcast comes out.
You can't look up.
Anyway, I just...
I'll talk to you soon.
Hello, Rudy.
I'm just calling you as a part of my podcast.
I'm calling people and telling them about the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas special,
which is out now.
I just thought I'd let you know about it.
I'm showing this as an example of how people can let their friends know.
No.
Wonderful.
Well, I'll get on to watching it as soon as possible, Mr. McCann.
I really appreciate that, Rudy.
Are you still in Adelaide?
At the moment, I am in the sweaty mines of South Australia.
Ah, you're right.
You're down in the mines.
Well, you can still hopefully get it down in the mines.
You don't have to be in a big city to watch it.
And, Rudes, I just want to say thank you for being a part of the show.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me, Mr. McCann.
I'll speak to you soon.
All right.
Talk to you soon.
Thanks, Rudes.
Goodbye.
See you.
Well, that one went better. Hey, James, how are you going?
I'm very well.
How are you, Craig?
Good.
I'm just about to head out for a family lunch thing.
I'm going to be...
Can we go and see your thing?
Yes.
I'm going to try and send an email tomorrow.
Oh, thank you.
Well, I was actually...
I was just calling about that, and I was just going to quickly say... Because I'm doing the podcast now, and I was going to try and send an email tomorrow. Oh, thank you. Well, I was actually, I was just calling about that and I was just going to quickly say, because I'm doing the podcast now
and I was going to say, it was so nice that you raised how can you people promote it?
And I thought one way was just even calling someone and telling them about it. So I thought
I could call you now and as an example. Excellent. Great. Well, I appreciate that.
Great.
Well, I appreciate that.
Hello?
Hello, Samantha.
Now, you're on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan right now.
Great.
And I'm just calling mainly to say the Christmas special is out now,
and I'm showing that this is the one way that people can get the word out, is just calling their friends and telling them about it.
I think that's a really nice way to tell people. I'm really effective. Thank you. I'm going to
watch it right now. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Not bad, not bad at all. So number two,
get a famous person to share it. Now, the great thing about famous people is that they have lots
of fans who follow them and pay attention to them.
And then when they say something is good, they go and they send people and they go and watch it.
So what you can do, if you would like, is and you know any famous people.
This option really only open to people who personally know famous people.
But if you know them or if I suppose you are a famous person, if you could get them to share it, that would be useful.
Now, if you share it to your Instagram stories or whatever social media platform you like, and you're not famous, hey, that's good too.
Happy to have two or three people viewing the video and 0.0000 cents.
I don't 100% understand how math works on what a single view is.
But if you're not a famous person, amplify. I don't 100% understand how math works on what a single view is.
But if you know a famous person, amplify.
And famous people, they love raising awareness,
much more than producing things like their own work,
because that is difficult.
And if what you do instead is you raise awareness about something,
you get to feel, as a famous person,
you're participating in the discourse and the creative process, but not actually doing any of the labor.
So, okay, the next one.
This one's similar to the last one.
Broadcast the special on mass media.
Perhaps you work at Channel 7 or a Fox network or CBS or the BBC or television South Africa I don't know what television station you work for if any but maybe you could you know if you're thinking of leaving your job or you can do
it without being noticed you could just secretly broadcast it to the public I thought that would
be that would be an exciting way for you to leave the job,
a good way for the Christmas special to get out to more people.
You know, you could also do it on radio.
If you run a radio show, you have my permission
to just play the Christmas special in full or in pieces
and drive people to view it there.
I think that could work also.
Look, that's all I've really got at the moment
for how you can help spread the Christmas special.
Tell people, take over broadcast media,
or be famous or know a famous person,
and that would be sensational.
Yes, I think Santa'd candle, close the door again.
It's not a bad idea.
I'll just turn the light off in the car
because, again, we don't want to lose the battery.
Here is a little bit from the James Donald Forbes McCann Christmas Special 2022
available now on YouTube.
And, you know, I wish you a very Merry Christmas.
And I hope you know that.
And if only there was an out-of-copyright song
that perfectly conveyed
my love of wishing you a very merry Christmas.
Oh, wait.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
And a happy new year.
Good tidings that we bring to you and your kin.
I always thought that was king when I was a kid.
You know what I mean?
It's kin, like your family.
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year. Now bring us some figgy
pudding. Oh, we're gonna kill you. Bring us figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer. Solo! Yeah, let's have a Christmas solo. Good tidings we bring to you and your kin.
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year.
Man, I love Christmas! Kids, I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant.
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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Learn more at store.google.com. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.
I get thirsty for the hot wiggle.
I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines.
And I get schooled by a tween.
Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on.
Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook.
It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.
Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.