The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - the new tonight show ft. ruby setnik

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll look, you'll find a way. Catamaran plan! Hello and welcome to this uncharacteristically quiet episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. I am staying with my family and Ruby Setnik who's over there and we could get on the pod and maybe in fact later on we will get Ruby on the pod as she winces and grimaces I hope this chair's not too noisy

it's not so bad now that I'm in a robe for those listening on the audio only podcast I'm enrobed family's asleep I uh I've had liquid bowels for the last few days, we're on a road trip, I won't go too much detail, but boy oh boy oh boy, you eat Chinese food in a mid-California town and you get Chinese food in a mid-California town results. Mid-California sounds like a dig, but the region is actually, as best I'm aware, called mid-California sounds like a dig but the region is actually, as best I'm aware, called Mid-California. And some of it's actually quite lovely. I think we're experiencing, I wanted to do this episode because I wanted to do another visual episode because I believe we're experiencing a Joe Rogan bump. Thank you to everybody who wrote such lovely things about the Joe Rogan experience. It was very nerve- wracking, a bit wonderful. What a good podcast host he is. I think he'll go far in this business.

And thank you also to the one person who, I shouldn't have read any of the comments, but I read just enough of the comments to get one person who was a loon, who thinks I'm a plant. And boy, I wish, they think I'm some sort of plant, they thought, Ruby they thought I was some sort, they thought I'd like been put there to push some sort of agenda and I can't tell you how much I wish someone had come along earlier in my

career and said you've got to say this about Bitcoin, you know, but you can get on the Jorok experience. It would have saved me a lot of time and bother in building and developing a career if anybody had come along. And so I would have been gettable. I'm so gettable, people wouldn't even give me ads for sports betting companies.

I could have, you know, anything but condoms. I've said that for years, anything but condoms I can do an advertisement for. No one would believe, I would be a bad spokesman for. Bitcoin over, yes, yes Ruby. every day of the week because bitcoin while a folly is not I don't believe intrinsically evil It's wonderful to be here on the James Donnell falls again catamaran plan with you Some people will be watching this for the first time. Wow. What an exciting moment

What an exciting moment that is. I don't always have this uh Podcast equipment. I lost a bag in las ve Vegas and I lost all of my podcasting equipment so I had to go to a guitar center and buy some new stuff this blue microphone felt cool at the time and now I'm worried that it's a little flamboyant I realized that I I thought oh I don't see anyone else podcasting with a blue microphone and I've got it and I'm doing it I thought, oh, I don't see anyone else podcasting with a blue microphone. And I've got it and I'm doing it. I'm thinking, man, I don't see anyone else. What am I doing? What am I doing? Shit. Oh, I haven't seen a lot of if I haven't responded to you, if you've written me a nice message, I haven't responded. That's because I'm now

rocking this minimalist telephone you see that There's a Kindle e-reader screen and I'm not being paid by them, but I'd love to be paid by them I'd love to be paid by them To do ads for them and also to give them tips on how to make it a better phone Here's why I couldn't take money from them It's got a lot of problems as a phone and if you're not hopelessly Addicted to your telephone device for all sorts of purposes. I cannot recommend it one bit It's it's worse than a normal phone

Like the phone I'm speaking into now to record the visual element that belongs to Ruby I've been on the road for too long. We we drove from Austin to Los Angeles We spent a week in Los Angeles and then we've driven up here and the Joe Rogan thing came out and I was very so I thought that might be going very badly and I couldn't even tell if it was going badly because I'm on this ridiculous phone that doesn't really work I have to put it on airplane mode off and on before I make a call like it should work as a phone It should work as a phone. That's really all that's all I want it for is to work as a phone and it doesn't it's pretty Good for playing chess and my

Chess has never been better. I'm playing chess at an incredible level. I'm crushing Ruby the chair Anyway, the important thing I beat you again and again. You've never beaten me. You've never beaten me You can't hear you can't hear Ruby's sad sad excuses. Oh bad excuses. Oh, anyway, so the podcast is about my journey for boat ownership and it's coming along. That Joe Rogan thing, the big bump, all these new people watching this incredible, I mean this has got to be the highest quality version of the podcast that I've ever put out. Holy-duly goodness gracious. There's a book of poems coming out soon, that money will go towards boat ownership at some

point. Once I get my life together together then the money goes to my first life if I don't have a life I can't buy a boat so we've got to pay for I mean I'm in a fancy hotel room so I feel weird about I feel weird wearing this robe and these beautiful little thing for your tootsies down there and and people are paying for me to have a and whatever I gotta Say I gotta say go over to the patreon and give me money so I can buy a boat But I'm staying in a place like this Not because I want to stay in a place like this not because we've been staying places like this on the road trip but because I urgently urgently needed to I

Wouldn't even call it a bowel movement. I'd call it a bowel flow Because I've been I don't know if I'm having interior organ damage or if I'm just stressed and having a lot of nicotine and not eating very much. She's nicotine and caffeine, nicotine and caffeine. And I'm still not losing weight. I think I got food poisoning and all I'm doing other than the food poisoning food is nicotine and caffeine. And I can't get slim.

I was one moment on the podcast where Joe Rogan asked me if I'd thought about going on Ozempic and I did take that as a dig. I think we were talking about Ozempic and he said, have you ever thought about going on it? I said, no, because in America I don't think of myself as a big fat person, but when we go back to Australia at some point,'ll be people say look at these America Where they put in the food? And he can't have there anymore. How do you gain weight when you can't even have delicious ice creams?

Ruby thinks I might have a gluten intolerance Ruby thinks everybody has a gluten intolerance And then they get off gluten and they feel way better and And I don't care if it is gluten making me feel bad. I'm not giving up croissants I've already given up cheese in the croissants. I'm not giving up. I've given up chocolate in my croissants I'm going to continue having unpleasant My sweet wife so too let People have just seen your knees Edit it out. Oh

Will you sit over here? This is what we do We put one woman one woman talking off microphone and then she gets a microphone and then she's on the microphone and we get a second Woman off at the podcast must have a woman off microphone at all times You can be sharing while you're off microphone. As long as you stay off microphone. I don't know if people will be able to hear the very noisy pipes of the shower gone. I don't, I think if they do, it won't matter too much.

So I'm here with my wife and Ruby's on the trip as well. And Ruby has been a wonderful help with it. I mean, really Ruby, such a help with the children. I like to travel with a third person as much as possible. Because when it's just, you know, I think that's where a lot of family road trips go wrong is it's just the nuclear family. And then, you know, I remember when I was a child and my dad was driving us across Australia, the two or three times that he managed to bring himself to do

that, because he had such a bad time on the first one. A shouting, a hostility, which I sense in myself and I've done a couple times, but I think having someone who's not a blood relative in the car with you keeps everyone's behavior just a little better than it would otherwise be. I'm not saying as many hurtful things as I'm thinking Is that the point of God? Go on Like abstractly if I'm gone, and it's just you and or it's just your dad in the car is God like the third part like the weird

Childless woman Keeps you from yelling I think Theologically should he be God is very far away from being a childless woman. No, but you understand exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, we always hang out with a wonderful, weird, childless woman. Childless is such a negative... That's how you described me yesterday. So I'm saying... Did I?

Well, you said I was single and then you became worried that I would take offense to that because I'm not. You have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. Who I'm single through it through your like. Yeah. James really likes my boyfriend. He took me to a bookstore.

It's pulled out all the stops for you. It's important to have people around your family to hang out. And I was very moved with you and my daughter. Uh, yeah, you know, there've been a number of times on this trip, you have a, you have a beautiful thing with my daughter. And, um, it's really nice. It's really nice. She's like a very ADHD, strange child and you are ADHD, strange lady and she gets like bond and have a nice time and of course you can do that with men as well.

You know you can have men come with you on a trip. Yeah. The fear there is that they'll rape your kids. And I don't really fear that. What do you mean really? Well I mean you know people have been fooled before that's true but I definitely feel safer traveling with her. I really feel like women should have all young child jobs. That's yeah maybe. I know that like women

do bad stuff too. Women do do bad stuff to and not all men do bad stuff but there was a man in Australia recently who did Unbelievably foul like the worst look it up to young children Yeah in many child care centers to many kids and it's just got away with it. I Think he got done for something else. He was part of a ring. Yeah, and someone got got a ring a pedophile ring Yeah How come it's never a pedophile necklace? They love their rings pedophile home. It's always a pedophile house

You said funny stuff about ugly Betty today, oh, I think see this is good producing Here's a fun thought. I'll get to that. There'll be a small amount of editing on this. Sorry, whatever you want. Stephen Colbert's show has been cancelled. And maybe that's due to some nefarious political things. And maybe that's also just because you've got to hire 200 people to make a show that no one wants to watch. Right?

And I think the other late night shows shows it's a matter of time it's a matter of time before they all go because that's not quality entertainment anymore I watch you know we tried to watch them last night and it's it seemed hokey and strange with the exception of Jelly Roll as a guest host for Jimmy Kimmel who was fabulous. But you know, Jimmy Fallon is there and he's pretending like he's having a great time playing a party game with the Roots and Natasha Lyonne which is a fever dream and Stephen Colbert is almost crying while he talks to Adam Schiff about California politicking. And it's hokey.

People are wearing a suit. They're pretending to talk. The audience is full of people who I'm sure don't watch the show. The world's moved on. And this is entertainment now. This is the diet show. How could they possibly compete with hotel room, one person's off camera, beautiful robe?

Can you feel that we're in the future right now? You never got back to about ugly Betty. Oh yes. I was having my thought about ugly Betty is she was beautiful. It was funny that they some studio executive was like, get me the most beautiful Hispanic one we have. Throw some glasses on her. We will call the show ugly Betty. Look at her.

She's hideous. And she doesn't, it has to stay ugly Betty. Does Betty get hot at some point during ugly Betty? I think a few times she takes her glasses off and has a boyfriend. People go, wow. People go, wow. Then she puts the glasses back on and he leaves. Yeah.

Devastating. Devastating. I wanted to remake ugly Betty. I wanted to reboot ugly Betty. You I wanted to reboot Ugly Betty. You did. But here's my thought. Because I think I figured out the big problem that Ugly Betty had that capped its success. I'm calling it smoking hot Betty.

And I think that'll find a bigger audience. That could be a real right there. Now I'm going to say five things. I'm addicted to getting the bump and people joining in on the podcast. Why don't I just say a series of really dynamite things? Okay. It could all be reals. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Just go ahead. Say something, say something dynamite. Banana Hat Man. Is that because we watched Curious George this morning? Yeah, which I think Curious George, man, this is great. This is going to be a great reel too.

I can't believe they're getting a row. Curious George is a show about a family of white southerners who look after a cheeky monkey who don't know how to act right. I don't think it's a racial thing. Take away a few bananas and that's the it's the blind side. I think it's because children are just monkeys. It's the blind side. Can I also make an observation about curious George that's less astute, please. But if you just, every episode is the same thing where George is forced to join the market

economy and he's a monkey and he's also a baby. So he can't do the job. So in the first one he had to count whales. He had to do census for, for scientists and fuck that up. The monkey doing a whale. He fucked it up. And then everyone's like, it's okay. You're a monkey.

And then the next episode he had to do a male route. It's just him doing all the jobs. But the, I think the crux of curious George is my wife. Hopefully we'll join us off microphone just for a moment while I make this one point about curious George. Thank you honey because you've seen more curious George than I have. So Ruby was saying every episode of curious George is about him joining the market economy and fucking it up. But I would say it's also about him not only fucking up but then finding you in the, in finding a solution to the way that he's stuffed it up, they can do it better than they ever could before, you know, there's like, there's a solution in the

problem. They don't just fix it. I guess that's the inventive. It's usually better, but it's like, I think America is very good at tolerating, um, people who mess up the bumbling, we like people. So you like bumbling. We like bumbling. You like bumbling too in Australia and different. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have no. You like an underdog. Underdog is not a bumbler.

How is it different? Also, can I just say real quick that the spinoff is like, well, somewhere there's a baby whale doing the monkey census. Please, please, just for a moment. We'll talk about curious George. I can't podcast alone anymore. I've lost the ability. I've tried a couple of times.

I think it's just a stressful time for you. We hit, so the bumbler comes up with great things, but it's socially difficult. Yeah. So the bumbler comes up with great things, but it's socially difficult. Yeah. The underdog, like, believes in something, and he might be, the underdog is just underfunded. Like, we think of our country as being the underdog.

I can't think of a beloved Australian person who seemed like they had a messy room. Yeah. Am I being unfair with that? Oh, that makes sense based on what you told me, like, because in Survivor you like the manipulator. And I like the manipulator, but that's unique as an American. Americans love, yes. We don't like the cunning person who manipulated everybody and was playing games and was having secrets,

even if that means that they're more competent. But you guys, you like, you're okay with that and you forgive them because you are such a fan of competence. I think that the dynamics of the shows, we don't like successful people. The dynamics of the two shows are very different. And that's I think that is. So in America, everybody's a schema and playing at a really, really high level. And so when you get someone who's not doing it, it'll be like one person who's not doing that. That's really lovely to watch. And in Australia, it's like, man, three guys who've really watched the show a lot and 17 people who are just like, um, it was that all love Island and they, they weren't quite hot enough to get into love.

Is that fair? I think it's off type. You think there are more people now there are first it was just Dave. It was like four seasons until there was one guy who was incredibly good, who's now the host. And this is a big controversy in Australia is they've kicked off the old host and they're getting the best player to have played the game to come in as the host and people love it's Jonathan La Palia who's Anthony La Palia's brother. And he's, I barely even want to go on Australian survivor anymore. If Jonathan La Palia is not going to be the host and as they keep turning me down,

I may get to fulfill that ambition. Yeah. Oh We're in we're in caramel by the sea Just caramel There were caramels on our pillows when we got to this very fancy place. I Think we could definitely get another real out. I could I can feel one more real a Bruin. Oh, yeah. What is it? I don't know yet. Go ahead. No, say do it. Do the reel. We were talking about the Dancing in the Dark music video and Courtney Cox getting pulled out of the crowd because my mother drove home. This is a story my mother told me over

and over again is that Courtney Cox went with a friend to be an extra in the Dancing in the Dark Bruce Springsteen music video and the girl that they had her to like get pulled out of the crowd by Bruce's part of the song and Dance with him she could do it once but then they need to like four or five other takes and she couldn't maintain her enthusiasm So they got another girl and she couldn't do it and eventually they said well Let's try this girl who's just shown up for this and Courtney Cox was fabulous and she could do it again and again and again. She looked excited every time. And then Ruby tried to look that up on her phone. You said you tried to look that up and you couldn't find it.

And I said, it's the dancing in the dark video. You said, Oh, I was looking at Courtney Cox, dancing, excited. Successfully. Actually, Courtney, Courtney Cox is successful, excited, dance successful dancing. I don't know why my mother told me that it was like 15, 20. It was, it's one of the few things that my mother really, really drilled home was that Courtney Cox, listen, Courtney Cox was excited again and again. Dancing in the dark music video for Bruce

Springsteen. I think as a man, the more helpful thing would have been becoming Bruce Springsteen. I don't know that I'll have that many opportunities to get pulled out of an audience and dance with someone. So few of us get to be Bruce Springsteen. Most of us at our best get to be Courtney Kongs. What do you say? It's really just three't ask you to be Courtney Cox. What do you say? It's really just three guys that get to be Bruce Springsteen. Just the five. Yeah. Um, has that been on my foot the whole time?

Is that remains of a sandwich been on my foot the whole time? What what what funny things have you said on the drive? We could turn them into reels. It was all pretty in context Taylor what's the funniest thing you've said in the last four days? She said the nine a lot, but that's taking a joke from Taylor and using it for your nefarious real Turning I take a lot of jokes from Taylor and use them in my head. You'll note that I'm not as bitty in real life as I am on stage and it's largely because I'm lifting things. So would I if I had a Taylor and I do and I will.

Can I tell you my favorite Taylor joke that I stole? Yes. It was given. Willingly. You let me have it. I made it less edgy so the one I had was... Is it I think retard never left? Is it that one? No, that's stolen from 89% of the entire Austin company. Okay, I'll say my one was like I read a study that said the person most likely to assault

a woman is her partner. So I've stopped following her to her car. I've stopped walking her to her car at night. Yeah. You know, I just want her to be safe. But it's really funny. It's very funny. But that's the one that you had. No, that's the white version of a Taiwan. And the original Taiwan was, you know, all these conservatives are worried that women are going to get raped in unisex bathrooms because they're trans people. But see, that's not...

There's a kernel of truth in that because you are most likely to be raped in a unisex bathroom. The one in your home by somebody you know. Did I do that justice? I think you told me that joke the first time we hung out, okay She knows how to win people on side I would have loved for you to That'll seem to new people who are here for the bump like I'm talking over my wife, but she by the way Refuses to speak into a microphone of the pocket. She despises to be known

What's the bit that you're doing? Not being known. You're a nun nun, you're a nun nun nun. So this week on the trip, Taylor said, do you do, here comes the airplane when you're feeding a baby food. And I say, what do you mean? Yeah, I do it.

She's like, but do Americans do it? I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, well, isn't it offensive? And I was like, because do Americans do it? I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, well, isn't it offensive? I was like cuz of 9-eleven and That was her plan all that all along for me to get there you played a long game. It's really funny So you can do a reel of you just listening to me retell you something that Taylor said Three days ago and we can post a reel of you reacting to that days ago and we can post a reel of you reacting to that. See, you do the first two and then you, um, the government comes in and does a third one

somewhere else and later on you take credit for it. And then the government fires a missile at the fourth one and then pretends like people took over the plane. Yeah. And all the Jewish children get a text message that morning that their food is going to come to them like this. Which I don't believe. I've had enough of anti-Semitism.

Is that DM going to make you more anti-Semitic than you are? I did my phylo-Semitic material at the company store and someone thought I was being anti-semitic And what does phyllo mean love neutral? It's kind of pastry No, it's a phyllo phyllo semi to someone who loves the Jewish people like a pedophile so you could call it a semaphile That's not right semaphile. Oh, I think I I called your dad that one judges wine It was funny. My dad's love of Israel is strong and deep. I'd love to go to Israel to do shows, but no one will book me there.

In Israel. Yeah. Well, I think they're busy right now. Just wait a little longer. Well, I'd like to, um, obviously I don't believe in boycotting people from talking to them and I believe in dialogue. Yeah. I'd have some criticisms about the way they're conducting themselves.

But I think wouldn't that be funny to go to Israel and be like, can you guys come on, cool it down? Yeah, that'd be a funny way to never be seen ever again. Suicide by Israel. I don't think Israel would go to Israel and say, hey guys, I just want to have a talk. Guys, you're killing too many innocent people. Yeah, every time they hear that, they accuse you. But you're a free country and you can hear sense.

Someone's got to have the audacity to go over there and help them. Sometimes your son just starts, he's across the room and he makes eye contact with me and he puts his arms up. He starts screaming and running at me and he's doing suicide by cop, but he's just doing it at me. It's just very alarming. Take, get rid of that.

No, that was a real, that was a real good anecdote. They're all such, yes, magical people. Your kids? Yeah. Yeah. I'm by and large in favor of having children Certainly for me and often for other people. I can't tell you how good my chest has gotten your chest My chest has gone up a whole Like 300, but I've moved up several orders of magnitude in my cuz of your old phone

Did you read a book can is there anything you can recommend to listeners that all these little Mints are not little these Men who are big and strong who listen to your podcast that would help them Help them with their chest. Yeah, I Did not mean to call them little men I just meant like all very few of them are little these guys several of them are Massive, I'm sure several of them are massive. So many of them. When did I see any of them?

When I was mailing out the shirts, let me tell you, we got a double XL audience. Financially more lucrative for me if I could get some smalls listening. I just meant that the ones that who might like to know about your chest theory, maybe are small in stature, but large in mind. All sorts of people play chess but I will say

when I watch the videos of people explaining chess to me on the internet they're often... they're little men. And there's a weird niche that has opened up. This should make the pieces heavier. You should only be allowed to move the pieces if you're doing cardio and eating protein. That should be what moves the pieces. They should build a machine for that. Ruby's nasty. No, that's not what I meant. I meant that the skinny guys could maybe get stronger by doing what they're passionate

about already. It's like when they put the B12 in my Red Bull and I'm like, I feel like a dog being served a vitamin with cheese around it. Can we talk about you? It's patronizing but it's good. A spoonful of sugar. That's how I feel about getting my peanut butter in the chocolate cups. I Boiled about me what no no we can't what?

The you taking a reprieve from comedy and how that's made you feel I have lots of many complicated feelings about it and sometimes I can't talk about it and sometimes I can't and I get grumpy And I'm sorry you both have been very patient with me Going back and forth and being frustrating as frustrating it is to you imagine how my managers feel my managers I'm not take I well I've told them that I'm that I'm yeah I guess I have in a roundabout way that you would. Is this gonna be super public episode? Yeah, it was gonna be. We don't have to talk about it. We can talk about it. I don't know if that's interesting. Ah, you're right. It's inside baseball. Yeah.

Um, I will say, this is sort of a nice thing. My Stanley Tucci poem is blowing up. You're able to see your YouTube statistics on there? Sorry? Yeah. Did you look at statistics today? Yeah. Did you look at statistics and numbers for the first time after it came out today? Yeah.

That's why you're grumpy. That's why you're poopy. If I have organ failure and everyone just told me I was in a bad mood. That would suck, yeah. Because I'm like sweating blood and dying on the floor. I'm so sorry. You're just a bit nervous about how Rogan went. My last words, do you know what they'll be?

I forgive you all. It's what I thought too. How could we have known? You should go to a doctor. You're only saying that so that you feel better about it when I die. Every time I suggest my weird, untrustworthy doctor to you, you say, ah, let's do the podcast. Let's see if the podcast helps. Here's my Stanley Pucci.

I've got the poop on the brain. What happened to Stanley Pucci? He used to be a movie star. Now he just goes to Italy and eats a bowl of pasta and all I see is Pedro Pascal in every single movie When will you have eaten enough spaghetti Stanley Tucci? It's at 16.4 thousand likes Really? That's my biggest poem By far and it's not making it into the book because there's it doesn't it's not a good It's not doesn't speak to the human heart and soul and in in a hundred years when people pick up one of my books

They'll go who though who was Stanley Tucci? Oh, I don't care about him any pasta. Why doesn't like Pedro Pascal? I said some very hateful things about Pedro Pascal on the drive and I take them all back. He's a great guy See what you said. I don't want to thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald force We can't plan. No, we don't have to I Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Force weekend. No, we don't have to. I mean, if we've got anything. No, you're right. This is the new Tonight Show.

This is a Tonight Show. This I am Stephen Colbert. I am democracy. You functioning. I keep our elected leaders accountable you don't have any pants