The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - The Other Hand

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered.

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Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle.

I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan, a podcast where I, James Donald Forbes McCann, am using this podcast to try and buy a boat

and also enacting a series of plans, one of which is an art auction that will have already happened the previous Friday by the time this comes out. But it hasn't happened yet. I'm recording this podcast a bit earlier in the week so that I might devote myself fully to art auction excellence. At the moment, we've got 72 people registered as coming. Oh, I wonder how many will come in the end. Why would anybody register for a free event?

Maybe it'll be thousands. Or maybe people will register and they won't go and I'll be destitute and I'll be out of pocket and I'll be in a mess. Oh, what if? It's going to be great. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that. That will have happened.

I'll give you an update on that next week when the dust has settled. But for now, I think we should return to the fine art of blacklisting advertisers on this podcast with whom I'd personally take umbrage. The way this segment works is simple. Here on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan, we have advertisers. They play at the beginning and the end. And if the episode is long enough,

the middle of every episode. Well, actually not every episode. Some of the episodes are about how I am so angry with advertising that we're just getting rid of them forever, and we're never having advertising again. And then I changed my mind. So, yes, this episode will have advertising on it, but which advertising is the question?

We are still trying to run an upright ship, if you will, here on the James Donald Forbes, or Catamaran plan. So last week on the James Donald Forbes, we can, or had a Moran plan. So last week on the show, I said no gambling advertisements. Not that I have a problem with gambling personally, but I don't like the fact that TAB, one of the companies that was advertising on the podcast,

was trying to get women to take up sports bet gambling. I found that to be obnoxious to the extent that we've banned all gambling advertisements. Now, if there was some way that I could keep having gambling advertisements from other companies that only wanted to destroy men's lives, I would, but you can't. It's one of the many ways the deck is stacked

against the podcaster and towards the global capital. Big money. Towards all the people with the money. So let's have a look at who's been paying me this week towards my boat and whether or not we'll be keeping their money moving forwards. First one I've got here is Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile, it's a mobile company. I've never Googled them.

I've never heard of Mint Mobile. Do they make them? No, that's a virtual network operator in the United States requiring the purchase of a SIM card. Again, I don't like phones, right? Obviously, I'd get rid of them if I could. But I'm also aware that most people currently listening to this now are doing so on their phones. So I hereby, short of hearing about any scandal from Mint Mobile, whereby I'd want to get rid of them,

Mint Mobile, you're safe. And I will accept your dollar and 22 cents. We just sort of... Ah! A-N-Z. That's a bank. That's a... Here we go. They have many categorizations.

They do... So, they're under the categories of beginning investing, retirement planning, banks, credit card debt and loans, financial news, financial planning, hedge fund and investing. I think financial news, I'm at peace with having the financial news side of things on the podcast. That is acceptable to me. If someone wants to share financial news, I don't mind. So I will not ban the category financial news. I will, however, be banning the following categories, beginning investing, retirement planning, banks, credit card debt and loans, financial planning, hedge fund, and investing.

We don't want any of that here on the james donald forbes mccann catamaran plan i'm pretty sure that if you scratch the surface on any of those you'd get all sorts of hideous unpleasant you'd get usury you'd get people getting ripped off you'd get investment to all sorts of immoral things you know like tab sports bet gambling aimed at women. So I don't want ANZ's money. I have already, I feel, paid them back well more than the $1.24 that they're giving me thus far in, you know, when I've had to use their ATMs in additional fees. Paul, we're banning. I know you've got things to do. You're a busy man. Are you busy busy right now i'm just saying i'm banning uh anz from advertising at all banks you'll be happy with that you hate the anzacs please get out paul get out i'm doing

i'm taking a moral stance do you know how hard it is to turn down money from the banks in this country it's one of our two industries digging things out of the ground and banks that's all we have if you look up the top 10 companies in Australia, that's it. Well, I won't be having that $1.24 anymore. I mean, I'll keep the $1.24. I'm not going to give it back to them like I did with the TAB. I'm not going to open an account and just use $1.24 worth of fees. I don't care enough to do that.

All right, the next one here, Amazon, who are categorized under movies and television. Now, I have complicated feelings about Amazon. I work with Amazon to sell my book. I'm going to work with Amazon to sell future books. I shop with Amazon all the time, but I don't like Amazon. Here is a short essay I wrote about Amazon for a book that was going to come out, but didn't. And I hope it clarifies my position on the matter.

On the one hand, partnering with Amazon to self-publish a book is immoral because Amazon is a company that does terrible things. And you can't ethically partner with a company like that. Somebody told me that their warehouses have crying rooms because the staff are so unhappy. I read a story once about a hurricane and the Amazon warehouse staff had to keep working through the hurricane and I think some of them died.

But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure we live across the road from a meth lab and at night when we've got the windows open there is a strong chemical smell and my wife's eyes start to water and that can't be good for the children. And at night, when we've got the windows open, there is a strong chemical smell. And my wife's eyes start to water. And that can't be good for the children. So for my family, I should take the self-publishing option with Amazon.

Because then I will stand the best chance of maximising the income I make from the book. And then I might be able to move my family into a new neighborhood where we don't live next to potentially harmful smells. But on the third hand, even if I do self-publish a book through Amazon, it's still unlikely to make enough money for us to move to a non-Meth Lab neighborhood, and I would have sold out my credibility and also be unsuccessful. And this seems like the worst and most likely outcome. And yet on the fourth hand, maybe Amazon isn't a bad company and I'm being excessively squeamish

and publishing through Amazon wouldn't sell out my credibility. Maybe our contemporary standards for companies are too high. Why? It's not as though Amazon is lashing its employees, as far as I can tell. It's not as though Amazon is branding or gelding people or killing them on purpose. Does Amazon care about their employees,

their well-being, their dignity? No. They're sending them to designated crying rooms and letting them die in hurricanes. They want to squeeze as much value out of their workers as possible, as though they were oranges. But is this so bad? All the pain, all the lives ruined, all the deaths,

they're just collateral damage. Jeff Bezos didn't want those people to die in that hurricane. He wanted them to keep working. Whereas there are genuinely evil businesses in the world. I've worked in countless businesses, restaurants, retail, radio stations, where the owners actively despised their workers and tortured them for sadistic pleasure. Whereas Amazon, a company where profits have to be so great that they can fund space travel, has no incentive to make workers unhappy on purpose it is a luxury they cannot

afford an inefficient use of time and resources so isn't it better to partner with a huge faceless indifferent corporation rather than a boutique publisher with the time and independence to get up to who knows what possibly throttling, possibly throwing darts at them, possibly worse. And on the fifth hand... And on the fifth hand... And on the fifth hand... And on the fifth hand... Even if Amazon is actually a bad company...

Let's say... And even if I do have a successful book... For the sake of argument... And this book makes money for Amazon... Sure. And they use that money to further their evil. Why wouldn't they? How proximate does that make me to their sin?

What, I can't work with somebody just because they're evil? Why is this only important to me when I stand to profit? I continue buying cheap clothes from third world nations, even though I know the stitching has been done by itty-bitty orphans on the cheap. I continue eating McDonald's, catching Uber, filling up with 91 Unlettered, eating Nestle. And is that ever an issue? No. I am paralyzed by the ethics only when greatness, a terrifying greatness, is at stake. Over there, beyond good and evil, who cares if Amazon is a bad company? Morality is an excuse for cowardice. And on the

sixth hand. Ah, I see now. The sixth hand is connected to the sixth arm. And the sixth arm is connected to one of those Hindu gods with many faces and arms and hands. And on the hands, there are important considerations. And the truth is to be found in all of them, across dimensions, experienced simultaneously. But on the other hand, perhaps the fumes from the meth lab are affecting me and causing me to see these, what, seven hands? Thank you. If you appreciate the tuning so much, I hope you'll

enjoy the playing more and so i can't trust my reasoning impaired as it is by the meth production so then on hand number eight the final hand i must work with amazon and self-publish my book and have that book be profoundly successful from a commercial point of view. And then use that money to move myself and my family away from the fumes. And only then, away from the meth lab and the foul-smelling vapors, only then, in the clean mountain air, can I obtain the clarity and the mental prowess necessary for me to fully comprehend why I have made a terrible mistake and why I never should have self-published with Amazon. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered.

Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle.

I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com I hope that clears that up for everybody.

In seriousness, I would like to get rid of Amazon. I'd like to decouple myself from Amazon. I haven't gotten to the point where I can bring out my book independently of Amazon at the moment, and I am bringing out a new book of poems very soon, and that will be coming out through self-publishing on Amazon because I have not managed to line up a publisher or an ability to make books myself here.

And if I said I was entirely comfortable with the arrangement of using them and their factories and their business practices, that would be a lie. It's kept me up. You know, some Nike shoes. I don't like that. I mean, you go, you follow that through to its end and you don't you know you can't buy socks you gotta pay $30

$40 for every pair of socks which I did there was a time where I was disgusted by my sock consumption

and I decided that I would buy good moral socks but to be honest part of it was that I wanted to buy really flamboyantly

exciting socks so I got the socks I went to Mes chateaux rouge i think is the name of the company and i bought the socks that they make for the pope and i thought those must be a moral sock the pope would only have a sock that had been made where every step of the supply chain was perfectly very beautifully perfectly carried out. And I got the socks, and they were fine. Well, I got three. I got a cotton one. I don't know if I covered this on the podcast.

I got a cotton one, I got a silk one, and I got a wool one. And, yeah, I don't have any of them anymore. It was a little over a year ago, and none of the socks held up. I wore one of the socks when I was filming a special, and that felt cool. But none of them, they were extremely expensive. It was a terrible waste of money. My wife was, I think, seriously unimpressed. I won't say disappointed in me because it was me living up to her expectations, but she was, um, she took no joy in the sock. Can I say that? There was no happiness brought to her by my having the socks. Ethical consumption. People say there's no ethical

consumption under capitalism. I think there's probably more and less ethical consumption. You can consume some things more ethically than others. I still buy bottled water. I know I shouldn't do that. But I don't worry about it until it's time for me to start. This is what I was trying to get at in the essay.

So I'm not going to go on and on about it. Suffice it to say that in the category that Amazon is advertising, which I think is arts and music, I think it's an ad for their... It appears to be an ad

for their Amazon Prime service. I'm unaware of anything being particularly wrong with the video streaming service that they run. In fact, I'd like to be honest. Okay,

that's enough of that for this week. We've got now two companies and categories that we've banned. One of them are banning a whole lot of categories to get the company. So no more banks, no more gambling. That's the first two off the list.

Again, I am yet to receive a single complaint from the public about any specific advertising on the podcast. Clearly, I am more concerned about this than you are. I think actually, maybe one person did complain. No, one person let me know that Botox injectables were being advertised on the podcast. And I think we can all agree,

that's fun. I think women and men should inject poison. Yes, let's have more poison injected into faces because it's good to be young and fresh and nice and beautiful. And it's wrong to be young and fresh and nice and beautiful. And it's wrong to be sad and old and wrinkled and ugly.

Weak and limp and disgusting. Just kicking repeatedly, kicking on the ground. Me and all my friends kicking. Just kicking this person on the ground. I'd like to watch Clockwork Orange again. Great movie, never finished the book, couldn't understand it. Too many words I didn't get hip to. I know that's meant to be the

pleasure of Clockwork Orange is you just luxuriate in the weirdness of the language, but I just want to know what's going on, man. I don't have time for that sort of stuff. I got a life to, I got a boat to buy, baby. I don't mean to go on and on. I only admit this now that the art auction in your timeline where the podcast has come out has already happened. I would never admit this publicly before We did it last year as a joke. I was auctioning off a man's napkin. And at this one, there are, you know, the literati are coming. And we've got so many more artists. And it's at a real art gallery, and, you know, it's not entirely free.

There are costs that are associated when you scale it up. I think we've got a string quartet there for crying out loud. I have nothing to wear. It's not the most important thing, but I do need to get something to wear it's not the most important thing but I do need to get something to wear I'm sorting out my Visa stuff for America it's the Visa stuff for America and the art auction are happening in the same week, I've got mouth

ulcers, I'm so stressy, I'm drinking all the time and if it comes off, that's great, I'll have a big lump of money and that's going to help me do what I have to do to get to America, to grow this podcast by this point. And if it doesn't go well, I mean, I'll just be so embarrassed.

I think that's the worst thing that could happen is that I would be embarrassed and the artists would be embarrassed. I want to do a good job for the artists. They're making money out of it, ideally. I don't want them to be disrespected. I don't, you know, oh, this is a good one, everybody. No one's bidding on it.

And not because the art's no good, but because I wasn't sufficiently charismatic, which is a nutty. It's nutty to think that. But this is why in the art world, you should, I should assume this posture and that's what they all do. Oh that's terrible oh nothing pleases me because then

it's someone else's fault but i actually really like all the art that we've got i i like some of it more than other bits but i like it all and i'd like it all to sell and i think it's very good of the people to be involved you know because you're an artist and and usually you don't have your work auctioned like this unless it's for a charity or you've died. It's a very strange thing that they're all agreeing to. And I'd like to do right by them. I'm so nervous. My poor wife is working. Oh, I'm getting a call.

Hold on. Oh, I'm back from the call and I'm all feeling good, baby. That's a new artist confirmed. A big, new, excellent artist back from the call and I'm all feeling good, baby. That's a new artist confirmed. A big, new, excellent artist confirmed for the auction. Oh, that's going to be good. Now I'm feeling it now. I'm getting a hit of that dopamine and I'm feeling seen. Hashtag blessed.

Yeah. Let's see how many. So we had at the start of recording, I had 72 tickets gone, and now it's up to 74. That's two more. Oh, we're going to make it, baby. We're going to make it. It's going to be a big, beautiful auction with lots of money coming in, boat ownership in sight, huge sums, the artists making lots of money,

the rich people decked out in the finest niceties that their walls could ever be adorned with, and, flush with cash, boat keys in hand. Question, are there keys to a boat? Boat keys? I suppose there must be. But I've never thought about it before. Boat keys. Ha ha ha! Do you think they're like house keys or more like door keys?

Ha ha ha! Do you think they're like house keys or more like door keys? Get out of this foolishness! Now let's luxuriate for a minute and a half in a fresh new dance song. Thank you. Bye. so We'll be life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it.

Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture.

But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle i didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out now wherever you get your podcasts podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com.