The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Underpants Thief, I Remember You

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Tune in to the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan on the YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/jamesdonaldforbesmccannHey America, 18 mins out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5u3z70kww0&tBuy the book: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksListen to the album on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2AmTKUd2n9VwRgzQHfr7rAJoin the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's Patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran! With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan.

You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-Bacan Catamaran Plan, the show where I, James Donald Forbes-Bacan, am trying to buy a boat, trying to raise enough money with a podcast and a tenuant plans for boat ownership.

500,000 Australian dollars, that was the number we picked at the start. How close are we to that now, Jimmy? How close to $500,000 are we? Not especially, there's precious little in the savings account, but growth is at an all-time America my new comedy special it's only 18 minutes cuz I I drank raw milk and I got food poisoning I was vomiting everywhere Now 18 minutes of my stand-up comedy on the Matt and Shane secret podcast YouTube channel

I am going to take the nicotine out of my mouth That seems like an appropriate thing to do Oh, I want to thank you for being here That's the plan I've been doing at the moment Is becoming a comedy superstar in the United States A bona fide comedy superstar Shows are being booked in, I'm told Shows right across the great continental United States.

Also I hope Alaska. Who can say about Hawaii? Who can say about that 51st state, sweet Canada? Oh, mercy! It's good to be here with you. It's good to be here with you in this field next to a tennis court where people are playing. It's very cold today in Austin. It's a, bleak, grey day and I wanted to go somewhere

beautiful and from Google Maps looking from above this is the most beautiful isolated point I could find. It doesn't feel especially beautiful. On the way here I drove through, I didn't know what it was, it looks like greenery on the maps and I saw when I got there that it was transportable homes. It was shacks, it was a terrifying shack encampment and I felt nervous about setting up the iPhone to record it even just a few yards away, dare I say, slightly fewer meters that someone might snatch it and take it to a fence that they might turn it into cash and you might not get this sweet episode of the James Donald Fools of Canes catamaran plan. The show where I am trying to raise enough money to buy a boat.

We've got big plans coming this year. I anticipate there'll be whole new kinds of people of large numbers and different varieties on this episode. I thank you for coming along. I'm gonna tell you some of the plans we've got coming up for you this year on the catamaran plan new board game First board game haven't had a board game before we're doing a board game. I have to play the board game soon Also, thank you to everybody who bought the shirts To fund the work starting on the board game I have not paid that money to the guy who's working on the board game Nick

And I have not sent out the shirts and that that is a job I will do this week! I think it's Friday. Probably running out of time. Next week! Next week I will get to work on the shirts! I do so believe and send them out to you that you might be robed in them. Oh what if that's the only shirt that you've tried to buy? What if you're shirtless in this cold, waiting, waiting anxiously for a shirt to come? Well, I'm sorry if that is the case, because it's been too long. You're getting a shirt. Board game!

New book of poems! Hard at work on a new book of poems. I wrote a poem last night about a guy who's trying to start some beef with me. I don't want a vague post about it. I don't want to go on and on about it, but this guy, I think he's trying to start some beef with me, and I wrote a little poem about that.

New book of poems Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Maybe that'll make $500,000 A feature film! Not necessarily a good feature film, certainly not the one we wanted to make But when I'm back in Australia in a couple months, I think we're gonna make a feature film Haven't really decided on the specifics of how that's gonna work But I know it needs to be 90 minutes long, not one moment moment less one moment less, and that's not a feature film

That's a short film. That's a waste of Time even as if it's a beautiful artistic expression I do not believe that a short film who made money on a short film the best you can do out of a short film Is that they say oh, we'll give you some money see if you can make money with a feature film Well, let's just make the feature film and get on with it I'm thinking of doing a new album! A new album! Old album, last year's album, sometimes I wish we were a catamaran. Oh I thank everybody who listened to that album. I don't think I made anything off that. I

think I made just enough money to keep those songs continuing to stream. Certainly I have not been asked to perform at any music festivals Or have any brand deals for Marc Jacobs handbags We got real plans coming for you this year. I'm gonna finish my play and have that run on Broadway probably not Do they do plays on Broadway? Is it just musicals? I don't really know how that works We've got a lot of things coming up with this year and of course the podcast itself. And the Patreon and thank you for everybody for going over to the Patreon, the best source of money regularly that we receive.

I'm a little morally conflicted about the economics of Patreon and streaming services in general. If I could do without it I would. But I think my family would go hungry. I've done this special and all these people are watching and all these people are asking when I'm coming to their towns but I don't have shows in anyone's town yet. I don't have any shows. I've got to get some shows booked in. I'd like to come. I'd like to come and perform for you. I'd like to do my stand up comedy. It could have been an hour that special. Hey America! Out now. Could have been an hour. I spoke on stage for two hours. Two different

shows, two different shows, just different materials, probably 90 minutes of material, and I drank this raw milk, and I thought, you know, I always trust my gut, and my gut was telling me, you are vomiting green bile. Green bile out the front door, green bile out the back door. I said, cut it down to 18 minutes. I went and I did podcasts promoting this special. I went on and said it's an hour-long debut special and then people go and click on it. They go this is only 18 minutes. Even the very worst comedians can do 18 minutes. I thought fine whatever. You'll see when I do it next time. You'll see you'll all see I do have to do it next time

I'm finishing moving out. So I've almost moved out of the old house. Oh I have to go back there and fixed a hole in the wall that I made when I tried to put on a toilet paper roll Holder my kids broke the toilet paper roll holder off and I tried to put one in and I drilled incorrectly. And now I have to go back with my drill to put it on tight and use plaster to patch up the wall and paint the hole in the wall. I don't know how many times I've moved. I could count it out. Should I count it out? Count it out. First place I moved out of my parents house was, it was like medium density housing. It was like a five story high building with a woman that I was living with and a housemate who we didn't know who just happened to be there there was real fire damage in that house and the housemate he would I think he stole my then girlfriend's underpants she certainly thinks he did it and judging by some of

the other stuff he did I think he did it too he kept smoking indoors we'd ask him to stop I think I told him I had asthma which is true. I would never tell a lie like that now. But he just kept on smoking indoors. He would hide his dishes in between our dishes. He would watch animated pornography at the kitchen room table. It was a two-bedroom apartment that had been greedily converted into a three-bedroom apartment

by getting rid of the living room and turning it into the room where this man lived and towards the end of my time there an Italian man moved into the other bedroom and he secretly moved his mother in we found out because I think girlfriend she opened a door one day she found this old Italian woman naked in our bathroom. They would argue at night, Italian style. So we got out of there. It was nice living near a 24-hour bakery, getting to go and have soups and hot chocolates. But the drinking was getting out of control. I was so depressed I went to bed with a bottle of port by the side of the bed. I didn't

really understand the alcohol content of port at that time. I would start having tea in the evenings and I would empty cheap bullet whiskey into it. From there I lived in a servants quarters in a very nice part of Adelaide. Right on the main road though, the winds too. The winds too, I'm gonna stand with my back to it so that I take the cold and you don't have the audio problems attenuant. Attenuant? I don't think I know what the word attenuant means. Anyway, it was a sheer house. And then I think I lived with a friend, I think I lived with my friend Amos,

but I don't know if it was then or if it was after. And of course back to the parents' house in between each one. I can't see a couple years there. I'm sure if I sat down with her I'd be able to do it. But then we moved into a beautiful... Oh oh maybe the best location I've ever lived in with my sweet now wife. And we lived on Rundle Street above a vegetarian restaurant next to the Exeter. It was splendid and we had to give up that apartment when the magazine I was writing for shut down and we had to give up that apartment when the magazine I was writing for shut down and we had to get out of there so I got a job living in

Sydney and we were living in Sydney we had to move out of Sydney because I couldn't work in Sydney come back home with the parents again and the woman a difficult time and we had a wonderful time living in Beverly with my friend Samuel McDonough in a house that was later destroyed. A house destroyed to build a road. Because that intersection was weird, and it was weird. I don't know how many times we moved after that. I mean, we've moved three times this year. I think we've moved like seven times.

I think my daughter, who's five five has never lived in the same house for longer than a couple of months no that's not true she got two years at one place and then no longer than a year anywhere else and there's got to be an instability that that brings to a person we've lived in four houses in America in a year and at some point you start looking back over the sweep of your life and saying I gotta be the problem is that capitalism no baby it's me and when we have a boat we'll have a little stability for even though our land dwellings may shift and alter we'll always have the sea always have our boat

on the sea I'm gonna get that boat. I'm gonna have stability for my family. My daughter's gonna have a cabin if not a room. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I wanted to do some affirmations. I wanted to make this a podcast of affirmations and positivity. Can I do the affirmations? Do I have it in me? Affirmation. I'm gonna get to the point where I can do some affirmations. That's my first affirmation. I believe I'm gonna get to the point where I can affirm, where I can have hope and wonder. Affirmation I'm gonna start riding my bike, that's one that I thought about I got a bike I never ride it. Affirmation I'm gonna get the body right, for when the

body comes right, the mind comes right. And when body and mind are working together, who dares stand in the way of the soul? Affirmation! Affirmation! People keep texting me to get a recall on my Sienna. Affirmation! I don't know what that's for but I hope it's not serious and I intend on doing something about that so that they can recall it. Although if it's been this long without recalling it... You know, it's like a 20 year old...

It's a 20 year old car. So if it hasn't gone bad yet, maybe it just won't go bad. Maybe it only goes bad at the 20 year mark and they've only just found out about it. Affirmations, I wanna look at a horse! Affirmation! I wanna look at a big strong horse

clippity clopping around a field. Affirmation! When I'm out in the downtown at night and the police horses come out, I feel so good. Affirmation! I wanna look at a horse. Affirmation good. I want to look at a horse. Affirmations! I'm going to look at a horse! I hope there are horses tonight in the downtown with the scantily dressed women

and men offering to buy them free drinks. Come on in ladies, have a free drink. Ladies, do you want a free drink? Free drink ladies. Affirmations! Looking at a horse. What is it? You want a free drink? Free drink ladies! Affirmation! Looking at a horse! Affirmation I'm going to find the deep fish that live deep down and do the work for it! Affirmation I'm going to talk to someone about working in a studio so I don't keep finding weird outdoor locations to do the podcast! Affirmation!

Affirmation I'm going to do something so I feel a little less hollowed out on the inside. Relax, relax, relax, relax. Affirmation! I'm going to get a special done and it's going to be longer than 18 minutes. Affirmation! Affirmation! I'm going to go to the United Kingdom and do some podcasts over there to really break the United Kingdom and Ireland. Haven't forgotten about you Ireland, sweet Dublin, I'll be there. What about you, Ireland? Sweet Dublin, I'll be there. Affirmation, I'm going to keep the house tidy. So when people come over, I'm going to be on the davenbird.

I'm going to get it ready, or usually just when I start filling it home and comfortable, like everything is in its right place, we've got to move. Not this time. This time I'm going to get it right and comfortable, and everything that's right place early. Affirmation, I'm going to get it right and comfortable in everything that's right place early. Affirmation! I'm going to find an accountant! And I'm going to stop feeling nervous about my taxes for which I've not saved any money and that's a bit of a-

Affirmation! Affirmation! I'm going to pray more! I'm going to pray better! I bought a book of scriptural- I bought the Golden Chain. I don't know what that's called. Or-um. It's like St. Thomas Aquinas and it's a collection of biblical commentaries from the Church Fathers and other great early writers in the Church. And uh, it's not a great version. It's full of typos and spelling mistakes, and I keep thinking I'm getting something wrong. There shouldn't be a J in that word.

And it's just like, I don't know if they did, if they translated it with AI to save money from the Latin and then like chucked a bunch of spelling mistakes in there for good measure. It's like you've got the most rigorous intellectual process that the church It's like you've got the most rigorous intellectual process that the church came up with. We've made this man a saint because he he did such good intellectual work. Saint Thomas Aquinas. And I'm just gonna, we're not gonna copy edit, but I don't copy edit my things probably. People noticed in my title poem, in the title of the poem, there's a type, it says splash splash. It should say splish splash. I need help. Affirmations, I'm gonna get help. I'm gonna get the help I need

Yeah, hey America, that's it now I Love you I'll have you I miss you. I want you I thought about getting a co-host. I thought that might help thought if I had a co-host I might be able to banter and have the conversation going but there's something about shouting into the void that's very useful. I don't know if it's useful for people listening to it, I don't know if it's useful for building up enough people listening that we get enough money to have a boat, but it seems easier to just have somebody there you can lean back and let them take the wheel sometimes

But the captain sails alone And there will be no shortcuts in the James Donald Fawkes McCann catamaran plan things will be done rigorously and rightly into the highest standard Even if that means it has to be 18 minutes. Can you tell I feel anxious about it only being 18 minutes? My head is spinning round My heart is in my shoes. Yeah, I think I'll set the terms on fire Affirmation the new album once I've done all this admin, once I've moved into a new house, once I've got the tax sorted out, once I've got the shows booked in, I know what I'm doing next,

I'm finally doing my covers of songs by women, just in case men don't want to listen. You know, there are great songs out there by women, but some men, hey, maybe they don't want to listen to a song by a woman. Album of covers of me singing songs by women. Get those songs out there. I'm going to call it cover up no I must come back down if only Tom Waits was a woman but I did think of how I could get that song in there cuz Scarlett Johansson did a cover of it and maybe I could just say I'm covering Scarlett Johansson's version and do it

in the style of the original that one will be on there. There will be no white flag upon my door. That one will be on there. You better believe that one will be on there. Jimmy, we need to know what other ones will be on there. We're desperate to know which other ones you're going to be having on there. What are you going to have on there? Just like a prayer, I take you there.

I have to do a number of takes to get the voice right there. Just like a dream to me. Ooh-hoo. Can you feel it? I took my love and I took it down. Climbed a mountain and I turned around. And I saw my reflection in the snow-colored hills until the landslide made them brown.

I've been thinking about that being funny is to just take each song and like have a very slight lyrical change. This not as like as big as swearing or going one time you know or any of the other changes that I might be tempted to make to it but another one I wanted to make is on country roads. I wanted to go, uh, Shenandoah River, life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, younger than Chinese country roads. And just put that in and see if anybody notices and make, otherwise do a very straight up and down cover, but that can't be on this album.

Because that's by John Denver and John Denver's a man, baby. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise and John Denver's a man baby don't let anybody tell you otherwise John Denver's a man. I'm working on my poems I'm happy to be working on my poems I'm going to keep working on my poems I'm going to keep reading I'm going to keep reading I'm going to keep growing I'm going to try and be there for my family affirmations I'm going to try and be a more present father and do exciting things with them I took the kids to bouldering they got to jump off of indoor boulders and that made them so happy. That made them so happy and then I tried to do some bouldering, I tried to do the adult bouldering. I actually, I don't, what kind of strength

these people have in their fingers is absolutely beyond me. In their tiny skinny little bodies and their beautiful strong fingers. Not me, not I, no sir. But I gotta do something we gotta do something there are two competitions that I've been thinking about betting on there are two competitions that are coming up that I've been thinking about betting on that now would be the time to think about making a bet I wouldn't make a huge bet. I don't think there's anything wrong with putting a bet on and trying to make money with a boat that way but I'd want to make a reason a good bet you know. You make a

bad bet with the money that people are giving you to buy a boat and people get rightly upset about that but you make a good bet and people go my goodness he alone can see the truth he can see the golden thread leading into the future and the two competitions long time listeners of the podcast will not be surprised I don't think about what the two competitions are one is the Australian Football League and that would be a bet on my team the Crows to win the Premiership we didn't even play finals last year but we've got a new logo we got some new talent we had a very bad year last year and at very least I think if we had some money riding on that premiership we'd be able to follow that competition over the course of the year and people who wanted me to have a boat would root

for the Crows and that might help the Crows, the Adelaide Crows, the pride of South Australia, America's team. I'd like us all to be following the Crows this year and giving them our all to be following the crows this year and giving them our most ardent wishes. I'm just gonna just interrupt briefly and say that a friend died this week. I'm sorry to do this. I keep getting sad I found out that a friend died this week. Rach in Adelaide who helped I guess co-ironed the rhino room, the howling owl and the drama llama and did drama Lamar and did a wonderful job and was one of the most beautiful supportive kind warm lovely people and it's very weird she was she's a big part of my life I would

see her every week and she was such a big part of the art scene in Adelaide and such a big part of the fringe which is starting up now and yes devastating she's a great woman I'm I love to her and everyone around her especially me okay that's off the chair sorry now that that serious moment of pain has been I don't allow Let me go back to saying that, gee, I hope the Crows have a good year this year. And I think they might. We'll put a bet on the Crowboys. And the other one is the Eurovision Song Contest. And the songs are starting to be announced for the Eurovision Song Contest. And it's time for me to start listening to those songs. If I have the golden ear indeed, as I always think I do. Certainly, I mean last year, yeah, it was already the favorite to win.

That was all I thought, I was getting too cooky with it last year and I ended up not putting a bet on it all, I don't think. But this year, let's listen to it. Maybe there'll be a great song. And we'll know that's a great song in our hearts. And for some reason, other people won't know and we'll be able to put a bit life is so fragile

We're only here for a little bit We get to do something beautiful and spend time with beautiful people And also we get to spend time with terrible people that we can't stand at all. I Mean it's not life is fragile compared to what? That's what I always think. Life is, compared to the void, is it fragile? Yeah, actually, but that's a little too esoteric. Life is too purple, life is too green, life is too high, life is too splendid.

Life is so short. Well, in some other ways, life is so long. But when you're confronted by pain and grief you want to be able to have some... it's one of the nice things about grief is it feels so much... yeah one of the very few really nice things about grief is it really kicks the snot out of the mundane and it shows you that things are important and if something can feel that bad how good it must be the rest of them the infinite of the bad helps you look a little towards the good sometimes not all the

time sometimes it just drags you right down into the bad but that this is the world is not as gray as it looks today the world is harsh and the world is cruel and we convince ourselves that it's boring and it's alright just to get by but it's not it's scary. I love you, Rach. I love you, Mick. My head! Alright. Well, look, I should probably end the podcast. That's absolutely not right.

But you know what I mean? Like, I keep... I'm not in Adelaide, so I'm not with all the other people who are getting to mourn and be together. And what a nice thing it is to all get to be together and Nice is again not the word that I would use but it's it's a beautiful thing to get together And share memories and stories and I don't get to do it because I'm all the way over here

I'm gonna stop standing on that because that seems to be crumbling and also I don't think it's doing a very good thing to my cable It's a sharp metal wire that I'm just stepping on. It's a good way to get tinnitus, tinnitus. One's an ear, one's a blood. When I was a good time to end the podcast. I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you, Katamaran, hi, goodbye. Whoa, hey America, it's at now, it's 18 minutes.

It's a Patreon, I did a chat with my friends Ruby and Eve, it's on the Patreon. Not like forgetting, I'm not like forgetting that a friend has died, but I'll just, you know, we've got kids and I'll be running around, or I'm going and doing podcasts and promoting this special or doing this podcast. And then just all of a sudden I get this big wave of like, oh, this terrible feeling. And I go, what's happening?

Is my brain chemistry off? And it's like, no, you're grieving. You're allowed to, that's, oh, that's right. You're grieving. You're going to keep feeling that way. Man, we gotta find somewhere nice to this podcast. I don't want to stand on a cinder block ever again next to an empty tennis court just in a gray field or shade of blobs. Anyway, whatever. Sorry. Hey America, it's out now.

How do I... I'm gonna get down. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today, conditions apply, details at fizz.ca.