The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - what it is like being a woman in comedy?

Episode Date: November 20, 2022

I'll answer the rest of the questions over on the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Patreon. Join today for more Catamaran plans: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy a rosary from Mater Dei Rosaries with the official James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan bonus code https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/MaterDeiRosariesAUS?coupon=SAVE20If you require video work, I recommend Sam. He is my first mate. Go to his website here: https://www.samclarkestudio.comPartake of my #1 bestselling book of poems, Marlon Brando 9/11: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0B92NWWDC Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Happy Feast Day, everybody. Feast Day of Christ the King, Christus Rex. Good to talk to you. Happy Feast Day. This morning at Mass, recording this on a Sunday,

we had a fundraiser. One is always having fundraisers at Mass. It's never enough just to have Mass. It's never enough just to raise funds. There has to be some sort of event, whether it be a car wash, whether it be a bake sale. Today was a pasta brunch. So we came out of Mass and enormous metal tubs had been lined up. Pots on the boil.

Well, actually not on the boil. Canadian man leading the charge on the pots, he came out and he said, Oh, I don't do a good Canadian. He said, Oh, I think there's going to be a disaster. These pots won't boil. I think it's the wind. Maybe it's because the lids don't sit flush. Oh, going to be a lot of hungry people today. Oh man, it was so funny. My heart went out to him. And it was rainy. It's unseasonably rainy at this time. It should be a beautiful, much too hot day.

But this weather was disgraceful. It was bucketing down with rain and so many people had come out. Hundreds of people had arrived for their pasta bake sale. Thankfully, eventually, the pasta was cooked the pasta sauce was heated up cheese was applied and money was raised

it was beautiful but I spoke at one point to some of the wogs in our community and I said don't some of you lovely Italian people own actual pasta shops? Because I think some franchisees of pasta businesses go to my mass. And the wogs were like, yeah, bro, this is the one time that I wished we had been racially profiled. Like, ask us, man. Ask the Italians to make the pasta.

Please. But the pasta did get made, Anglo style, and it was great. And next time we'll come to the Italians and we'll say, Italians, can you please start some petty s*** for us? Or some of the other things that Italians do so well? Nah, Italians are the best. Italians might be my favourite race. They really understand apparel, food, passion, cycling, little coffees, disco music, western sex.

I love Italians. Italians are so exciting. Shout out Italians. Italians, you know what's up. That was one of the sad things for me walking around America Is that there were no wogs Oh bro, oi None of that

There were Italians, you know There were Greeks But they were Greek Americans Greek Italians No, I've gotten that wrong There were Greek Americans Italian Americans And Italian Americans are fine, you know.

Hey, how you doing? That sort of thing. But, hey, that's not as much fun as... Oi! Nah, seriously. But ladies and gentlemen, on this episode of the James Donald Forsbacan Catamaran Plan, there's a couple of plans I'd like to tell you all about. One is my upcoming idea for a sandwich shop. I think we might have a location

for the sandwich shop. Here was my idea for the sandwich shop. I don't know to the extent that I've spoken about it on the podcast versus the Patreon, but let's outline it now. It's a shop where they sell one sandwich and that's it. sell one sandwich and that's it. The shop is called No Choices and it has a very totalitarian decor is what I'm going for, you know? So uniforms, no choices. What do you want? Actually, I think the staff should probably be positive and the music should be normal, undecided. But make it look like a bit of a dictatorship up in there, and then you only get one sandwich. Take away the choices. Does the sandwich change day to day? Maybe. You know, obviously no meat on Fridays. Got to use my Catholic heritage.

It's hard to figure out what the sandwich would be on a Friday. That's our one inclusive day for the vegetarian community. No changes to the sandwich as well. Like you come in, you say, I have a sandwich and then you go, and can I have it with no cheese, please? I want the person behind the counter to say, no, no, you may not. Do you want the sandwich or not? Pick off your own cheese. One sandwich. Oh, I'm excited by the prospect of no choices. I, of course, don't want to work in the kitchen. I'm no good at working in a kitchen. I also don't want to work out front. I want to do sort of graphic design, artistic direction. And I'm in conversation at the moment with different chefs

and with different people who own land maybe this is the idea that makes enough money to buy a boat. I don't know. It would have to be a pretty good sandwich but we're on our way to finding out.

I just wanted to keep you abreast that I'm thinking about it. I'm talking to people. When I go to a pub and I just wanted to keep you abreast that I'm thinking about it. I'm talking to people. When I go to a pub and I chat to people now, then maybe those people have COVID a few days later, the thing that I talk about is this sandwich shop. Hmm? A very important thing I wanted to do on this podcast was answer some questions,

because we have a bunch of new listeners to the podcast in America, in Australia as well, in Canada, in the UK, in China? No. But in Hong Kong, yes. And so I put up on my Instagram, you know, does anyone have any questions? You can ask your questions and I'll answer the questions. And then what I didn't know is that if you don't sort of screenshot them in time,

after a few days, if that's on the story, Instagram will delete what people send you. So I lost them all. Thankfully, I asked again. And I have them here with you now. And so what I'd like to do for the remainder of the podcast is just go through some questions. Do you mind?

Well, personally, I do not mind. And hopefully this will fill in some things about me. Hopefully this will fill in some things about the podcast. We'll know. We'll grow. We'll show. We'll hope. All right.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting The Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting The Hills after show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. ACAST.com

First question. Where do you get your ideas and what is it like being a woman in comedy? Now, I think that's a joke about Adam Egott. I think those are the questions he used to ask on the Norm Macdonald show, and I love Adam Egott, but I will answer both of them. Where do I get the ideas in dreams? And what's it like being a woman in comedy? Well, I'm not a woman, no matter what anybody tries to tell you. I am a man. But I have seen women do comedy, and I have been judgmental.

So I will now tell you what I think are the big differences between women doing comedy and men doing comedy. When they start out, this is my take. So men will start doing comedy, and they'll turn turn up and they'll be very cocksure often. Sometimes people will be very nervous, but often a man will just get up. People have told him he's funny his whole life. He's a bit of a raconteur. When he's around the office, people go, oh, Jimmy. Jimmy's a funny boy.

Get Jimmy up on stage, tell a joke. And so Jimmy thinks, I'm so funny, this is going to go very well. And he gets up on stage, he's prepared, fuck all. And he's fucking dreadful, but he's confident. You know, maybe he does some crowd work. Maybe he goes through some of his jokes. Maybe he admits to not, no, I've forgotten my joke, everybody. And that probably gets the biggest laugh. When a woman starts doing comedy, that doesn't happen. There haven't been

legions of people telling her that she's funny. Traditionally, throughout her life, she's decided internally that she's funny, or she's used her eyes and ears and brain to notice that people laugh when she says things and she got she's got the will she's got the willpower to push forward and do comedy and so she prepares and she writes an excellent comedy set but frankly you can tell that she's prepared it and she'll say it in a stilted almost it, it sounds, she doesn't mean it this way. She thinks by putting in the effort, she's being respectful. But it comes across as disrespectful for the audience. Because it looks like you're not really acknowledging that they're there.

It's like she's in a mirror going, hey. A-ba-ba-da-boo, a-ba-ba-da-boo, a-ba-ba, a-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ah, and a-ba-ba-ba-ba, you know, whatever the rhythms are. And there'll be pauses for laughs where laughs are not. And she will not recognize that there hasn't been a laugh. She'll just plow on. Like she's videotaping a comedy set in her room. Now, that's not all men who do comedy do the man thing.

And that's not all women who do comedy who do the woman thing. But it's like 90%. Go to an open mic night, and I guarantee that's the split. It happens over and over and over again. Now, here's the thing that happens over the next couple of years. Those men who are just having a mess around on stage, the career goes nowhere. At some point for a man, he might start to have a comedy career,

but it'll happen later, and it'll happen, especially if he's straight and white and his body works in a healthy, conventional manner. He's not disabled. Not that there's anything wrong with being disabled, I'm just saying. You know, if he doesn't have any special demarcation, if he's not, you know, if he's not different, if he doesn't check some sort of box on an inclusivity form,

nothing's going to happen for him for a long time. Even if he does check an inclusivity box it might not be inclusive enough you know 10 years ago asian was enough to get you through the door nowadays i'm sorry to say asian asian's not special enough anymore this is what i hear from many of the asian comedians going apparently asian uh we're not disenfranchised enough now. And I think, welcome to the club, Asians. But women, women will get opportunities. If you're a woman and you're getting really good at comedy, I'm not saying you'll get the top opportunities. I'm not saying that you'll get to be the lead of a commercial radio program. There's still a glass ceiling, fine. But underneath that glass ceiling, there's an escalator that's chicks only. And so women who get good at comedy a bit faster,

certainly who seem professional faster, they are accelerated up this comedy thing. And so maybe they get a gala spot within just a couple of years. Maybe they're winning a competition. Maybe they're getting a best newcomer doors. They get a little bit of management. They're being sent on tour more often. The shows that they're doing are longer. Then they're being asked to do a second show. You know, only been doing comedy for four years,

and they're being asked to write their second hour-long show to take to festivals, with money behind it, and a bigger room this time. Whereas the men who have been doing, you know, the same amount of experience, they're not going to get these opportunities for like 10 years. They'll have a lot of material and resources and ambition built up. But what often happens to the women at that point is they burn out. And they either step away from comedy or they drastically slow down. Because it's hard. Because they're being asked to do too much.

And because they're being viewed as a commodity and a rarity. We've got a funny woman. Let's push her. And they're not being considered as people. Sort of the way Elvis Presley was treated by his manager. Only they are women. Anyway, there are other reasons that women burn out in comedy as well. Being treated badly by men.

Being treated badly by other women, being treated badly by the non-binary community. No one talks about the bullying that they do. As far as I can tell, they do a lot of it. All of which is to say, it's a different road for women starting out in comedy. In some ways, it's a harder road. In some ways, it's an easy road. But I've seen it.

Women close to me have done it. Good on you, ladies. And then further up than that, you know, outside the first five years of a woman's comedy career, I can't really tell you what it's like because I've never been as successful as a woman who's done comedy for five years. I hope one day to be that successful. I don't know when that will happen, but for the time being, those women are more successful than me. They know more than I do. You'd have to ask them what it's like on the other side. I can tell you what it's like for a man who's been doing it for 10 years, but if you want to find out more about the lady's role, definitely either ask a lady or a more successful man,

of which there are no shortage. Okay. Sorry, that question was quite long. Yeah, that question went on for a long time. Question number two. This is a more simple question. How many grizzly bears would it take to kill one T-Rex in a fair fight? I think it would take...

Well, it would depend on the size of the T-Rex and the age of the T-Rex and a fair fight? I think it would take, well, depending on the size of the T-Rex and the age of the T-Rex, and I guess the size and age of the bears, but let's call them all adults, and let's say 42. Next question is, could we hear some more examples of friendly car horn toots? And that might need a little explaining. One of the things I've done with my new employee, this was my other plan, is I've got my employee, Sam Clark, who's my videographer, and we've recorded a series of videos of me calling call centers now. It's called Quality and Training Purposes. And, oh, it's raining. This is absolutely lovely. Yes,

the name of the show is Quality and Training Purposes. So at the start of the call, I can say, is this call being recorded for quality and training purposes? And they say, yes, you know, so that I get permission to use it on my channel because that's the name of the show. It's very clever, I thought. Anyway, and I really only try to call call centers that aren't busy. There are a lot of busy call centers where that is just a pain and that's going to wreck someone's day. But the ones that I've been calling are the ones where basically a company has to have somebody there, but there's no, there's not, you're not waiting to get on the phone with these people. They just answer straight away. Because when you call Cadbury's chocolates with your customer feedback, only about four people are insane enough to call that number each day, you know?

So happy to have one of those people be me for quality and training purposes. But one of them I called was Toyota with some new car ideas. And that's up on YouTube. And one of them was a friendly horn. And so someone's asking me... Thank you for calling Toyota. Speaking with Melanie. How can I help?

Hi, Melanie. My name's James. Can I just check this is being recorded for quality and training purposes? Yes. Fantastic. First of all, I'd just like to say I love Toyota. My first car was a Toyota, and even though it broke down fairly swiftly and was a second-hand car, it held me in very good stead. So thank you for that. I loved it. Well, it's good to hear. Well, maybe you don't get told enough.

Because I thought, my thought, well, you've got to watch the video, but I just thought the normal horn's so aggressive. You know, honk, and sometimes you want to say something friendly, and you can go toot-toot, but that really, sometimes you don't have the dexterity and you get it wrong, and it seems confronting. You know, you've lost control of your narrative. So I thought if we had a friendly horn that went, and here are your examples for

the question, by the way, something like, uh, or, or, or, then that would reverse the confusion. Because rather than, and then going, who hates me? Oh, it's my friend, Jimmy. Instead, you'd hear the friendly, polite horn. And then you'd feel better about yourself. Do you see what I'm saying? and then you'd feel better about yourself. Do you see what I'm saying?

Listen, I feel like I spent a lot of time on that question about women in comedy. Oh boy, oh boy. Well, let's have a couple more. Here's the next question. Was it fun living with Shane while he mimicked our accent constantly? Yes, it was. I lived with Shane Gillis for a little while. I had a wonderful time in America. And he did, it was, oi, oi, mate, here's a gown, you know. And I'd say things that I didn't even know, you know. I'd say, I've got to

take a shit in the toilet. He'd go, I've got to take a shit in the toilet. And can you hear that rain? Isn't that wonderful? That's wonderful. I didn't know take a s*** in the toilet. And can you hear that rain? Isn't that wonderful? That's wonderful. I didn't know take a s*** in the toilet. They say, of course, I want to excuse me while I visit the restroom. Restroom is a funny name for a place where you've got to take a s*** in the toilet, isn't it? I've taken many s*** in many toilets and I must say I've never found it to be a substitute for a nap. Not a particularly restful experience. But it wasn't just Shane mimicking the accent. And frankly, Shane does a very good version of the accent.

The big difficulty was asking for water. Or as they call it, water. At some point I just had to say, can I please have a water, please? You've got to... It's not really a softening of the accent. It's some sort of Frankensteining. But that's the truth of the matter, if you wanted to know. Next question.

How do you negotiate your secular comedic existence with deeper religious commitments? The answer is I don't. I'm very bad at both of them. And next question. Top five MC's I thought about this It's Kanye, Pusha, Missy, Elliot

Big boy And It's only four isn't it And Missy, big boy Kanye Push push Mmm Mmm Push Push I really like Andre 3000 But I like Big Boy more

I like Killer Mike, he's not on my list, I'm sorry This is a low note to go out on, I thought I had five. I love Pusha T, I love Kanye West, I love Biggie Smalls, he's not on my list. I love Tupac, he's not on the list. Missy Elliott's definitely got to be on the list. Man, I'm sorry. Hmm. Hmm. Ah! Hmm. I interrupt this podcast to talk about a new sponsor for the show. I say sponsor.

They're not paying me any money. But it's a friend's business that I want to talk about. It's Matter Day Rosaries. It's a friend's business that I want to talk about. It's Matter Day Rosaries. That's M-A-T-E-R space D-E-I Rosaries. They're made by my friend Ali, and she gave me a rosary today at Mass, and it's a really exceptional rosary. So if you go to Matter Day Rosaries, and when you buy your rosary, you use the coupon code SAVE20. S-A-V-E 20.

You will save 20% off your beautiful handmade rosary. And if I actually have another company who are looking at sending me rosaries as well, I'll get back in touch with you as well. I'm open to getting rosaries from everybody. But let me tell you, Ali's Rosary, sensational. If anyone else wants to also pay me in rosaries to read about their business, doesn't have to be a rosary business. You can just give me rosaries. One thing about me is I hand away rosaries a lot. I give people, I say, take this rosary. And about once a week, I'm a rosary down.

So it's good to have someone making rosaries to hand them to me. All right. Matter day, rosaries, that's save 20. Isn't it nice to have an ad? Back to the questions. Maybe Lil Wayne's on my list. I know that puts the list. Kendrick I like a lot, but he's not on my list. I know that puts the list. Kendrick I like a lot, but he's not on my list.

I think it probably has to be little Wayne. I mean, I've just chosen people who have lines that stay with me and help me live, you know? Like when Big Boy says, Jolson and Jolson, not that baby patty but my sausage That really helps me live Many's the time I'll just be walking around And I'll go Jolson and Jolson And Kanye has too many lines to mention

24-7, 365 Pussy stays on my mind What a sad thing that is To concede No respite from thinking about pussy. And then Missy Elliott. Speaking of pussy, Missy Elliott, she's the greatest. DJ, please pick up your phone.

I'm on the request line. I love Missy Elliott. I know that was a piece of Timberland production that I recited there rather than a Missy Elliott line. Go downtown and eat like a vulture. I say that all the time. I say that to people I meet on the street. And I think by that, you know, categorization,

Lil Wayne deserves to be on that list. I love Little Wayne. I f*** around and cut my head off. That sort of thing. I love Little Wayne. All right. So those are probably my five. Integralism.

Yay or nay? I'm going gonna say yay and next question why were you so careless with the previous questions because i'm a big idiot there you go all right now the rest of the questions and there aren't many more i'm going to answer over on the patreon so if you would like to join the patreon i'd love to have you there that towards, well, it's gone towards many of the plans we've done to grow the podcast. It went towards my trip to America. So if you're a friendly new American listener, you have the Patreon to thank. Perhaps you can go to the Patreon to help fund more trips to America and more audiences and. And more money. And more growth.

And more catamaran plan. Not that the only plan I have is going to America. At that point, that would start to look pretty corrupt. But the trip to America did, like, double our listeners. So I'm happy to say I think it was money well spent to grow the podcast. To have the podcast making money. And, of course, much of the money at the moment is going towards Sam Clark, who's making videos for the James Donald Forbes McCann YouTube channel,

like quality and training purposes. New videos coming out all the time. We can make more videos and more content if you go and join that Patreon. So not only do you feel like you're doing something good, making more content, making more money, getting more catamaran dollars, but you're also getting these extra questions answered. That's all from me this week.

I love you. I miss you. I need you. Catamaran ho. Have a good one. Believe in yourself. Affirmations. I love you and I believe.

All right. Feast of Christ the King. Shout out. Number one. Hey, Ted. Mr. Christ the King, shout out, number one, A-Town. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no.

That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com James McCann, Donald Forbes, Catamaran Plan. So good to be speaking with you once again. I hope you have a great week.

Sandwich shop coming up soon. Questions, so many more for me to answer. I love you. I miss you. I need you. I want you. Ciao, ciao for now, now. Wow.

Bye-bye. Top five MCs. Going to keep working on that list. Missy Elliott, Pusha T, Kanye West, Big Boy, Lil Wayne. How come there's no Whiteys on the list? That's a great question. Ad-Rock. I think Ad-Rock was probably my favorite. Beastie Boy. I'm the Lumberjack DJ, Ad-Rock. Oh, and I forgot all the Wu-Tang Clan members. I think certainly it would be remiss not to put the old dirty bastard on the list. Why doesn't Eminem get on the list?

Because I don't like really any of the Eminem songs. Not his fault. He's a great rapper. But I would almost never say, can we all listen to a little Eminem? I love you. I miss you. I need you. Keep it real.

Oh boy, oh boy, wowee. I'm going to drink a whiskey. I'm going. Keep it real. Oh boy, oh boy, wowee. I'm going to drink a whiskey. I'm going to edit this podcast. Edit out all those swears. It's very rainy. I love you. I need you.

I miss you. I want you. Ow!