The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - wife guy

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

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I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. I'll tell you the truth, ladies and gentlemen. I was already in a really quite a distinctly bad mood. I was already in a bad mood. And now the microphone has started to break. It's been a trusty microphone

for over a year. And the last couple of times I've tried to record on it, it's like 50-50 now, if it's working or not. I think there's something happening in the recording device connection to it. I'm not sure what it is. It's a bother. So we've just lost a full episode of the podcast and now luckily I do sort of remember what I said because unlike most podcasts that I do, I wrote down a list of things that I wanted to talk

about seven things that I'm grateful for seven things that I'm frustrated by of course now that I have to read it again I'm going to make it eight things that I'm frustrated by but I'm I'm going to try to get myself in a positive headspace. I'm also being sort of quiet while I record this podcast because I had been recording it in the car, but it's so hot in the car that I... Honestly, I don't have two car podcasts in me tonight. It's too hot.

So I've come into my room in which a baby is sleeping and a sweet darling wife has been folding she's just popped out of the room and potentially she is so afraid of being on the podcast or being spoken to on the podcast maybe she just won't come back, which would be sad. I'd like her to be here. I feel very alone for having to do. Oh, it was a gut-wrenching podcast. It was really a beautiful and gut-wrenching. Gut-wrenching? It was a gut-wrenching.

It was as though a wrench had been taken to my gut. Maybe that's God putting his hand in my life and saying, James, you spoke a little too cavalierly there in that podcast. I'm destroying the audio and rendering it practically impossible to listen to, to save and protect you on your journey through life. to listen to, to save and protect you on your journey through life. That's how I'm going to choose to look at it. Let's talk about some things that I'm grateful for. Okay, you know what, and this time I'm going to do it in reverse order to how I did it last time, just to keep it spontaneous and fun for you, the listener, and me, the list list reader on this episode of the james donald forbes mccann catamaran plan podcast the most rehearsed and prepared and yet least professional of all

the podcasts i've done just by the way if if you don't know this is a podcast where i james donald forbes mccann try and raise enough money to buy a boat. Where are we at? We've got over $1,000 at the moment. We've got over 600 listeners at a time. We've got a YouTube channel that some exciting things are happening with. We've got a book out, a book of poems, Marlon Brando 9-11, and there's a show coming up in the Adelaide Fringe,

James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plant Extravaganza. And I think the show's going to be a big, big hit. It's a 600-seat room. We've sold not that many. There are some tickets available. Please come along if you'd like to see the show. It'll be great. Hello, sweet darling wife.

Hello. I'm going to do the list in reverse order. So the way I did it in the car. And I've just finished telling the listeners that I'm going to assume that I spoke too freely on some things. And maybe I may have defamed myself on the last podcast. Defamed other people. You know, it may have been divine intervention stopping me from releasing that podcast. boy am i very frustrated all right seven things i'm very happy with the debate went well i'm sorry that you had to be with our children instead of attending the debate it was

great i organized a comedy debate at the prospect library and a great time was had i want to thank camille i forget her last name who ran the event at the Prospect Library. She was wonderful. I want to thank Jake Smith, Jake Smith, I almost called him, Jake Smith for being the timekeeper. And I want to thank all the debaters, Amos Gill, Frankie McNair, Daniel Muggleton, Ben Hunter, Scout Boxall, and Shad Wicker. And boy, on the other version of the podcast, I went into depth about the debate, and I spoke about all the debaters. But this time, I'll just say, a great job done by all, because I was a little mean about one of them. And this time, I won't be. In case that was, that's a fun thing, I can wonder what it is that I said

that was the offending statement, and then allude to it. I don't think I was that mean to any of them. But I said something impolitique, but I said very glowing and warm things about five of them. Actually, the sixth person, the person I said negative about, I said positive things about them too.

Great people. Just something that I might have been offended by. It's probably worse to say it like that because now all of them might be offended rather than just the one. I should just imply that it was Amos. I should just imply it was Amos. It was my friend, but it wasn't Amos.

I want people to know. Number six. So we're going backwards. Number seven, the debate went really well. And genuinely, thank you to all the people who participated. Thank you to everybody who came. Number six. So we're going backwards. Number seven, the debate went really well. And genuinely, thank you to all the people who participated. Thank you to everybody who came. It's incredible how many people we got to a debate that no marketing money seemingly was spent on.

Imagine how many people will come in the future if marketing money gets spent on that debate. Number six, my kids are so beautiful and cheeky. Number five, my wonderfully supportive friends and wife. I love you. I said some beautiful, kind things about you on the other podcast. Number four, and now you'll never know what they were. And I will purposefully withhold anything positive in case that is what I was not meant to say that ended in the podcast being destroyed.

Number four, YouTube monetization's finally here, baby. Woo! I'm going to make that big MrBeast money now. Yeah, yeah. How much money are we making from the newly monetized YouTube? It's been monetized for about four days and we have currently made just do a little loading here we have made two dollars and 56 us cents which is something like i believe three dollars 75 austral. So not quite enough to cover one of the washing machines

that I use today in the laundromat. But a start, you know. Number three, so many beautiful opportunities in our life. So many glorious things opening up and new relationships. Well, not new relationships in the intimate sense, but like business and personal relationships. Because you and me, baby, baby wife. James, you don't just do your podcast to me.

You don't just want me doing it to you, at you? You find that to be too uncomfortable? I think that the catamaran listeners might love being spoken to. They could imagine that they're the wife. Maybe for a Patreon episode. For a Patreon episode, I'll just say it at you and avoid using your name so that the listeners can... It's a wife simulator.

I'm very conscious, even though we spend a lot of our time together, more than I would say most couples, the man works. And I guess most couples actually, where both people work, they see each other even less. But certainly I go out and work, and I think we see each other a lot, and we talk to each other a lot. But I endeavored to not be a wife guy in my media self. So you need to start again?

No, I don't need to start again. But I just want you to know that I don't think it helps the marriage or the brand to be someone who is... I think it's okay to be defined by, like, being a husband, but I don't think it's okay to be defined by having a wife. These are somehow very different, very different things. Yeah, these weak wife guys they suck it's the same with like a um wifey wifey instagram where it's all like my boo my man it's just i don't want to monetize our relationship i want to keep it pure

and safe you and separate and sacred. You're so desperate not to be on the podcast, you've whispered that at a level that not even I can hear it. The microphone won't pick it up, honey. Did you say Down syndrome? No. It sounded like you muttered the word. It seemed like you were pointing to your face and muttering the word Down syndrome.

It's two words, excuse me. Is it hyphenated? No. Maybe you have to edit this out. I'm not editing this out. I'm not editing this out. I didn't make you sound hateful. You didn't say Down Syndrome.

I thought you said Down Syndrome because you so regularly say Down Syndrome in our private life. But you didn't try and do it publicly. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, kidding. I'm kidding. No, you never say Down syndrome. That's why it was a shock, and I thought, is my wife saying Down syndrome?

This episode is called Down syndrome. This episode is called My Hateful Wife. My Hateful Wife. Yeah, this is the wife cast. I'm a wife-man, this is the wife cast. I'm a wife man. I'm the new try guy. Get away from me, try gals.

I didn't... Is the one who got kicked out, is he making the marriage work of the try guys? She left him? You're not following the try people? Yeah. Yeah, it's not really something we spend a lot of time thinking about but that when i did see him being a beta cuck wifeman i was repulsed by it i'm like strong macho barbecue husband and that's why you love me that's why you married me that's why you married me

because of my mask capabilities I'm definitely tea selling up I'm more mask than when we met would you say I'm more mask you don't enjoy this discourse I'm not enjoying this I'm not enjoying this alright

I'm going to send you back out no no I'm not going back. Alright. I'm going to send you back out. No, no, I'm not going back out. Let me just... Here's number two. I love the new Kieran J. Callinan song, Young Drunk Driver. I think it's really great. And it's the first song he's released since I met him. And so I don't really...

I don't know how much I can trust my liking it. Because by liking him and having met him and thinking he's great, it immediately, as an obsequious, sanguinimous person, I immediately go, when I like people, I like their work more. But I really like the song and I think independent of him being a really nice man who I got to meet, I think it's a great song. Anyway, I just wanted to say that. I've listened to it like 12 times, and I had a weepy moment listening to it on the way back from Mass.

And number one, jumping off the jetty was phenomenal. I jumped off the jetty at Henley Beach when we were there. And I've already recounted this story once but since i recorded it to myself alone in the car i guess i can say it a second time actually fun thing margo i don't know if you heard this so i did the podcast uh last week and i told a story about feeling depressed after somebody had told me something about their life no no i'm not giving anything away it's that's open someone told me something about their life. No, no, I'm not giving anything away. That's open.

Someone told me something about their life. And then I talked about a song, We Not Humpin'. And then I spoke to Margot and I told her that anecdote. And then two days later, she was like, I listened to your podcast. You told me the anecdote about that person making you sad and also then spoke about the song, We Not Humpin' in the exact order that you had said it on the podcast.

And she was like, did you try that on me and then put it on the podcast? Or did you do it on the podcast and then in the time before you released it, just decide that that was a good bit of conversation you could work in with people? And I was like, I don't remember talking to you about either of first of all thank you for listening to the podcast but I don't remember saying that to you and I wonder how often I do that that I use the podcast just to how often does the podcast and my conversation overlap

I don't know which is which right now you don't know which is which it is the same right now this is a conversation that does the podcast and my conversation overlap? I don't know which is which right now. You don't know which is which? It is the same right now. This is a conversation that is the podcast. This is the perfect unison of those two things, which is authentic. A trace of the true self exists in the artificial self. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe,

Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. That's my beautiful wife folds my shirts. Shirts that I'm increasingly too fat to wear.

I jumped off a pier, a jetty, and I just wanted to... All right, this is just... Man, I gave a beautiful breakdown of the social situation of the children on the pier and who was jumping and who wasn't, and I have already talked about that. But as I was walking up the steps, like I swam out, and there are steps that go up the jetty, and there are these two boys behind me. And one of the boys said, Daniel. It's like 13, 14-year-old boys behind me. But I heard one of them say, Daniel it's like 13 14 year old boys behind me but I heard

one of them say Daniel and Daniel said yes and the boy said Daniel Brexit means Brexit and Daniel said what is what does that mean and the boy said means I had sex with your mother Daniel and they giggled together and it was just, it was a beautiful moment that I overheard. Eight things that I'm disappointed in. One, the previous, well, eight. Started eight. The previous podcast didn't work. And I got to say, I was a lot better on that podcast than I'm being on this one. And I think I may have gotten heat stroke from being in the car. And it looks like I'm going to have to be in the car for a lot longer, but we'll get to that at number one.

Number seven, chest tightness. Am I getting older? Or did I make a terrible mistake by letting the government put their novel technology into my blood? Time will tell. Number six, my body hurts. Drinking alcohol seems to have given me inflammation of the shoulders. I've been off the booze for Lent, but on Sunday I did drink.

And yeah, I really felt it. Really felt slow and inflamed. That was bad. Number five is something that we have experienced together, darling. We're watching Australian Survivor, and we love watching Australian Survivor. No dig on Australian Survivor, but the TV around Australian Survivor,

it's punishing. Every other show is appalling. We tried to watch a panel show, and the screens are so bright on Would I Lie To You? The set is garish and really hard to look at and then we watched we watched a little bit of Q&A and we watched Media Watch which is maybe long-standing my least favorite show of all time did you get anything out of Media Watch honey the wife The wife frowns, shakes her head in agreement with her husband while folding his Christian lacroix underpants. I think I bought them from TK Maxx.

It was TK Maxx? That ad we saw for TK Maxx was actually pretty good. Number four, talking about my life is hard. I was just going to whinge about that. Number three, talking about my life is hard. I was just going to whinge about that. Number three, I'm doing a lot of promo and I'm tired. I'm doing a lot of promo for the Catamaran Plan Extravaganza. Did Fresh FM last week. Doing Nova tomorrow. Did Mix 102.3.

That's coming out at some point. But that's during the advertiser. Went on the ABC. And I love the ABC when they're getting behind and promoting my show, the James Donald Forbes McCain Academy and planned extravaganza. I just don't like Media Watch. And I can't imagine how that's still on the air. Yes, I would take over if they let me.

No, I don't anticipate that they will. Two, there have been... It's a lot of work getting the show ready can i just say that i'm just going to say that i'm not going to get into too much detail people don't want to know people don't want to see how the sausage gets made they just want to come along and see a light bright that's probably where i went into trouble because i went into some detail about what's going on with preparations for the show no one wants to hear that no one wants to hear that. No one wants to hear that. It's going to be a great show. That's all I need to say. And number one, the big complaint.

I have gotten through this much faster. This is like 15 minutes quicker than the one that was in the car. So maybe we've gotten rid of a lot of the fat, but maybe we've also gotten rid of a lot of the colour and verve. I'm not getting the office. I'm not getting the office. The landlord has decided to go with someone who agreed to pay him money. And how can I seriously complain about that?

From their perspective, that is the better deal. And I wondered earlier, much in the same way that I'm wondering now if God destroyed the audio from the previous podcast to protect me, if God has withdrawn the office from me to protect me, because I'm meant to have a boat. I'm not meant to have an office. Any thoughts, honey? my wife says it would be nice if you had somewhere to record your podcast at midnight she makes a good point i just i tried to record the podcast today while doing the laundry and it was so loud in the laundromat and people kept coming in the laundromat and then

the guy from the bottle next door who i like but is quite severe and south african came in to use the laundromat uh change machine which i'd never thought about before that that would be a benefit to him like rather than like most businesses have to go out and figure out change with a bank or something but if he needs more dollar coins he can just go to the laundromat you know and then he came in and he frowned at me while i was doing the podcast i was trying to do a video podcast in the laundromat to take advantage of the video monetization on youtube and it just I now have a lot of footage of me looking at washing machines and trying to prop up my phone somehow to record me in a washing machine or on it's a lot of curved edges and it was just it didn't uh it was no good but we will figure out how to make good video content. It's just one of those bleak days. I was so up on Saturday and Sunday.

I was so up, up, up, up, up, up, up. We should go to the beach. We should go to the beach again. It is good for me. I did go into some detail as well about the late show that I hosted on Saturday night, which was probably something of a turning point from good mood into mania,

where I'm seeing a show, I had a long stoush with a heckler who literally said the sentence, I don't like you. That was my heckle. It was next. And I said, excuse me? She said, next. And I said, excuse me? She said, next.

And I said, do you want the next? She said, I don't like you. And the audience in glorious unanimity called out, but we like him. Shut up. And that was very nice. And it was a good gig. But she came up to me afterwards and told me why she had done that and apparently I had picked on her from the stage years prior for her blue hair and hairy armpits

potentially though she was as unpleasant an audience member on that occasion and I was just reaching out and trying to find something that would be hurtful to make her be quiet to save the show. Or potentially, if it happened many years ago, I may have just said it because I was unpleasant. I don't remember. And I'm trying not to apologize for things I don't remember. Like when I fall asleep and drive through a school. It's not my fault I wasn't really there.

But it's not that hard to deal with a heckler when you're doing a spot or a feature or something, because you can just deal with it, incorporate it into the show, and leave on a big high note. But as MC, and it started to get a little bit... There was Frisson at the end of the first bracket and a three bracket show

and you've got to get up and down seven more times or something and that was it felt like work it is work you're right they pay you

and it's work but I also didn't have to make it that i could have there is there's better material i could have been doing it one in the morning that wouldn't have had a white woman kick off and want to get into a big argument with me but that's what makes me challenging and different and fresh. Mmm. Mmm. I wish I could be a more pleasant, normal, palatable, commercial person sometimes.

Just the sort of person who made enough money to... Oh, I mean, when I was talking to Fresh FM, when I went and did the show, there's something that if you become a member you get studio access. So if I did that, I could go and record the podcast, there's something that if you become a member, you get studio access. So if I did that, I could go and record the podcast. I could just drive to Fresh

and record the podcast on their machines. And that would save me having a microphone that was broken. That would save me sitting in a Volvo. I would still need an office for other work-related activities, like writing about the birds for my job, but... I just don't want to be the only woman whose husband dies in a hot car. You don't want to be the only woman whose husband dies in a hot car. You thought it was the kids you had to look out for,

but it is the husband. What is the difference between... Like, why is a sauna okay? A sauna is nice and restorative, but a hot car is deadly. What's up with... Why? You can leave a sauna.

You can leave a sauna, yeah. I open up the door sometimes in the car. I used to go in the sauna a few times. Aren't you? Yeah. I went in a sauna when I was a kid. I guess not for a long time. I didn't understand it. It wasn't relaxing.

I guess you're also there for a limited amount of time. And I bet there's more like water in the air or something. I bet there's something to do with humidity. Hey, if you put water on the stones in a sauna, does it get colder or hotter? I think it gets hotter because the steam. I don't really know how sauna works. And I know my hot car is not a sauna. Sometimes I like to think of it as a sauna and I feel a little fancier. It's especially helpful when I'm entering minute 40 of recording a podcast in a hot car and I start to feel a certain part of my brain switch off.

Well, listen, it's been great to be with you here on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. Oh, I hope this one, I really hope the microphone's working this time. I can't check it until it's over. If this has worked, thank you. My message in the bottle has been successful. Tickets are available now

at the James Donald Fools of Canterbury and Plan Extravagan. So, March 10. I want to thank everybody. I want to let everybody know that I love them. Darling wife, I love you. My wife has just silently blown me a kiss while she folds up is that uh ah it's a onesie I thought it was the Luke Kijal shirt that's too big but it's not did you like the new shirt I bought today half price at the Savers. Sorry, not Savers. It was the good Vinnie. What's it called? Man. Salvos.

What colour Jacks are on sale? It was red today, I think. Why? Are they good ones? If I couldn't remember Salvos, that's a real bad sign. Do you have some water? I had some water. It was not very pleasant. It was in an old solo bottle that had been left in the car and was, as a result, very hot. Why are you frowning at me like that? I'm trying to hydrate.

I'm trying to hydrate. I haven't spoken much about the show. There's a lot to do. There's a lot to do. I would, yeah show there's a lot to do there's a lot to do I would yeah there's a lot to do there's a lot to do I'm going to stop saying there's a lot to do

and I'm just going to check that this podcast has worked and I'm going to start doing it but I want to thank you for listening I'm sorry that this is a lower energy quieter podcast than usual. Let me tell you, the podcast that you don't get to hear was... I was... I just want you to know.

I just want you to know that I was great. I was mercurial. I was cheeky. I was playful. I had great word use. I used words very well. Yeah, I was sort of leaning into it and making it a joke that I wasn't using words well now. But I was witty, funny, handsome, just screaming in my Volvo,

I love you, I miss you, I need you, I want you. James Donald, Falls for Kent, Catamaran, Plant Extravaganza, on sale now. Holy dooly.