The Jamie Kern Lima Show - Chrissy Metz: How to Feel Chosen, Choose Yourself & Believe Your Dreams Are Possible, Because They Are!

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Full Video Available on YouTube @JamieKernLimaOfficial. Are You Ready to believe in YOU?🙌 jamiekernlima.com 👈 Sign up for my FREE Inspirational Newsletter here and you’ll ALSO get special prompt questions to help you grow in your self-worth-building that pair with each episode!🩷  Make sure to click the “Follow” button for the show on your favorite podcast app, so you’ll be the first to get each episode!  ____ Get ready to feel chosen, to embrace the power of choosing yourself, and to believe your dreams are possible…because they are!  Chrissy Metz is an Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actor, a #1 New York Times bestselling author, a mega talented singer who’s sung on stages ranging from The Grand Old Opry to Disneyworld to singing while acting as the role of Kate Pierson for 6 years on the hit NBC Show “This is Us” and today she’ll leave you inspired to believe that your dreams truly are possible! Even if it’s taking longer than you thought it would, and even if you have doubts, obstacles and naysayers in your way!   Chrissy’s journey of working behind the scenes for 9 years and just 8 years ago getting down to having just $0.81 cents in her bank account, and then, she did it! Chrissy defied the odds and today is one of Americas most loved actors and singers! And she’s sharing her wisdom on how you can defy the odds in your life too!  Episode Reflection Questions for YOU: Jamie writes prompt questions each episode to spark revelations in your self-worth journey and help you apply the tools and lessons from each episode into your real life right now. Please make sure you’re signed up for Jamie’s free inspirational newsletter  jamiekernlima.com 👈 Get my new book WORTHY plus FREE Bonus gifts including a 95+ page Worthy Workbook and more at WorthyBook.com  For more resources related to today’s episode, visit https://jamiekernlima.com/show/ for the podcast episode page. Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Jamie Kern Lima Show  10:23 Am I Good Enough? 16:26 From Rejected To Chosen 18:33 Overcoming The “Pick-Me” Mindset 56:41 “I Want To Experience Life To The Fullest” 1:22:52 Choose Yourself First 1:37:17 You Were Born WORTHY It’s such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. This episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show was filmed & produced by Impact Theory Studios: https://impacttheory.com/ Subscribe to the channel here: @JamieKernLimaOfficial Follow me here:  Instagram TikTok Facebook Website —  Sign up for my inspirational newsletter for YOU at: jamiekernlima.com  —  Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are!  WORTHY Believe IT

You can't have a vision without a provision. So like if it's a place on your heart, you have to pursue it. You got down to 81 cents in your bank account, literally. And then it happened. What? What? Yeah, it's wild. He said, you have to learn to carry a crown before you can wear one. I know what it's like to be the second fiddle.

I know what it's like to be judged solely on the way I look. It really makes me emotional. In a lot of my life I never felt chosen and to feel chosen that I was good enough, that I was the right person. My dad for whatever reason wasn't able to choose me. And so I go after things that, whether it's men or jobs, like I'm literally in the business of rejection.

Even more so, I have to choose myself. Not feeling worthy. Like, why does my weight equate my worthiness? She's like, I have a mind obsessed about food. Yes. You know, and- Getting so emotional. I have never cried on the show.

And I'm like getting emotional, and I'll tell you why. You talk about healing through this role of playing Kate, and people are coming up to you sharing how what you've done has helped them heal. Instead of talking about now, focusing on being chosen, you're saying, oh, I'm focusing on choosing myself. Yeah. All the studies, and they show you can't have a deep, meaningful connection and love with someone else. That's any deeper than the love you have for yourself.

I know. Yeah. How do you not attach your worth to fame? Oh, boy. Well... Hi! You look beautiful. You walking out, I feel like it's like a wedding reveal. We are together! This is us! This is us!

I think about that all the time. Can I have you? Yes! So we have this. How sweet! Chrissy Metz! Thank you! Welcome to the Jamie Cravenly Meshow! how sweet! Chrissy Metz! Thank you! Welcome to the Jamie Chrissy Meshow! So sweet! Before we jump into this episode, I'd love to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews and one-on-one conversations with me and you to help you truly believe

in yourself, trust yourself, and know you are enough so that you can become unstoppable in living your best life. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see your comments and how many of you are sharing these episodes with everyone else. And I'm just so grateful to be here for you and I'm so excited to go on this journey with you. So thank you for subscribing.

It means so much to me. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernleema.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your One on One with Jamie weekly newsletter

and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlema.com or in the link in the show notes. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima. She's an Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actor, a number one New York Times bestselling author, a mega talented singer who's sung on stages ranging from the Grand Ole Opry to Disney World to singing while acting as the role of Kate Pearson

for six years on the hit NBC show, This Is Us. Chrissy Metz, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima show. Oh, so much. You're here. This is really exciting. I've missed you. I haven't seen you in, it seems like, forever. That's right.

I agree. And it's like so cool to just be here and your presence in this beautiful, beautiful place. So thank you. Well, I am so grateful that you are here. Thank you. Well, I am so grateful that you are here. Thank you. I want to ask you, so many people have big dreams, like big dreams, but they feel like they don't have what it takes to defy the odds in their life.

And you, for nine years, worked as you put it, as second fiddle, sort of behind the scenes, helping other people's dreams come true. While you were pursuing your own dream, you got down to 81 cents in your bank account, literally, and then it happened. You defied the odds, Chrissy Metz. And so my first question is just for you in your life,

how did you defy the odds? Well, I think it's really your intention, like why you wanna do something. Like I was never interested in the fame or fortune. I grew up very humble beginnings. It was like, I didn't think I was gonna actually ever have money to like own a home. Like I didn't even have a washer and dryer.

You know what I mean? Like it's things that like, you don't really think about. You're like, yeah, okay, whatever. I just wanted to relate to someone. I wanted someone to relate to me. I wanted to tell stories. And I really wanted to be a part of something that I think was bigger than me.

And I think inevitably what I ended up doing was like after lots of hymning and hawing and crying and thinking I was gonna move back home to Florida, like, why do I want to do this? Can I actually give it up? And like, I've heard people say, like, are you have you if you have a can have a vision without a provision. So like, if it's placed on your heart, you have to pursue it. And like, even if the pursuit is that's your life's journey. Because we all know that, like, once you get to the destination, it's not about the destination.

And only have you gone to the destination, do you know that? But I think a lot of it is like, just surrendering and trusting. And I don't do that very well. But it took me, you know, 12 years to do that. And I think once I did, then it actually happened, which is still insane to think about that somebody knows my name, or that I'm sitting here talking to you about like my life. What?

What? Yeah, it's wild, crazy. I love that. I think too, exactly what you just said has been my experience with some of my big goals in life. And I just wanna share this and reiterate it for everyone who's watching us and listening to us right now because so often we think, when I get to that thing,

then, then I'm gonna have fulfillment. And then when you get to that thing, you still take you with you. So when you look back, it's a lot of times, it's that pursuit of it, it's the journey, it's knowing why you're doing it, right? And then you just said something really, really big that I just wanna ask you about again,

because this is tough for a lot of us, but learning to like just surrender and kind of trust that things are happening as they're supposed to. Yeah, because we can't see, you know, what's even five steps ahead of us. And you just think like, it's just going to be this terrible forever. And then I always remind myself that like,

what do I learn in these terrible moments? Like, how do I continue to like persevere or what do I get to learn about myself or what I wanna do? I always try to think of the positive. I know it's difficult when you're in it, but for me that's helped because I know that I truly believe

there's a reason for everything. Can you talk about, you use this word second fiddle, playing second fiddle, and you were for nine years an agent helping other people. A lot of people feel like they're maybe working in a business but really want to launch their own or they're, you know what I'm saying, they're second fiddle in different areas of their life. Well Devon Franklin, who produced the movie Breakthrough I was in, he said something so profound that I think about it all the time.

And he said, you have to learn to carry a crown before you can wear one. Yeah. And I was like, right, because how could I know how to walk through something I've never even seen? I've never experienced. You know, like if I didn't get to interview people,

hundreds of aspiring actors a day, how would I know to talk on the red carpet? Like how would I be able to engage? Like there's all of these things that sort of are set in place that I'm like, oh right. I didn't have to have media training because I did that for nine years. You know, like there's all these things that I got to learn

about the business from, yes. I mean, I always say it was like watching your boyfriend take another woman out every day. You're like, okay, great, great. You get to do what I love to do and set up my favorite table at my favorite restaurant, eat my favorite, it's fine, it's fine. But then I realized I get to figure out

how much I wanted it and why I wanted it. I saw so many people come and go. Their interest was fleeting or they really didn't know what they wanted. And so I really do believe that like all of those things are set up in a way to like inform you. And it really that I learned so much about myself, about the business and like,

even when I was looking for agents, I'm like, you can't agent me cause I've been an agent. You know, like I had so much information and like, oh, oh, that's actually nice. I don't have to like put on these errors, I'm like, oh, oh, that's actually nice. I don't have to like put on these errors. I'm like, yeah, great. So yeah, like you, things are happening for your good. I really believe that.

Do you believe our steps are ordered? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, cause my life doesn't make sense. It just does not make any sense. And it's not about me. Like, I feel like I'm just the conduit. I'm the piece that gets to tell the story

that needs to be told. Not because of me, not because I'm talented or I'm more special than anyone else. I'm like a regular girl just with a different job. I really, really believe that. I know when you were auditioning for This Is Us, there's that famous saying success leaves clues, right? And will you share how in that audition process,

now you were nine years in, right, so being an agent you were down to 81 cents in your bank account, you're auditioning for this huge role and you wrote a letter. Will you share that with everybody? Yeah, so the audition process can be kind of grueling. Like you go through so many motions and then you test to see what the chemistry is like between you

and the other cast members. And so you spend like eight hours there and they try to match you up. Like they were trying to see, you know, Justin Hartley's character, Kevin, would I have chemistry with him as my brother? And I'm like looking for different people in the room. Like, do I look like him?

Could I be his twin? Do I look like, you know? And I'm like, Chrissy, all you have to do is what you've done before. And I'm like, okay, right. And so much of that whole process was like, am I good enough? Am I good enough to do this?

And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know because I've never been on a TV show before. I mean, I know what it takes and I've been behind the desk and I understand the business, but to actually suit up and show up for myself and this entire show, I'm like, I don't know. But I knew that after the first two auditions and the callback and the chemistry reading, I was like, I just want them to know how bad I want this job. And I just want them to know that I'm willing, I'm not above groveling for anything or apologizing

or asking for what it is that I need or want. But I just felt compelled to write this letter. And so I wrote it to the executives at Fox and at NBC, the studio and the network of the show. And I just said, I know what it's like to be the second fiddle. I've been in the shadows of so many aspiring actors. I know what it's like to be judged solely on the way I look.

And I know what it's like to be judged solely on the way I look. And I know what it's like to have bigger dreams and all the things that I feel like Kate was really about. And I said, so whoever you choose is gonna be the right person. And I'm excited to watch the show. Something like to that nature. And to this day, anytime we get around all the executives or anyone,

they're like, nobody writes letters. Like, that was so special for us. And I was like, oh my gosh, okay, that's great. Because I'm like nervous to do it. I'm like, should I, should I not? And I was like, no, my first instinct was to do it. So I trusted it. And I'm glad that I did,

because I think sometimes you just take that extra effort and it just means something. Yes. It can really, I think love is in the details just generally and I think when you make an extra effort it means a lot. So many people think that something will just fall on their lap or it's just gonna magically

be delivered or if someone hasn't come to them maybe they're not destined to do it. And when I was reading about how you wrote that letter to the executive saying, you know, I am this person, I live and breathe this person, like this is why I'm great for the role. It just reminded me and I just, I love sharing it. So thank you because so many people listening don't realize

like they think there's something maybe inadequate with them if no one's just handed them what they're hoping for. But success leaves clues. And you writing that letter reminds me of so many times where actually just this morning, just this morning, I got bad news and something I was hoping for. And my first thought is, okay, I'm going to have to figure out how to turn this around and I'm going to get it back. I'm going to make it happen somehow. So let me figure out how I'm gonna make it happen. So I think through and 99% of the time in my life when I've done that, I get the thing.

And sometimes it's not the next day, sometimes it's over time. Gosh, I remember years of retailers telling me no to carrying at cosmetics and every time I was like, okay, what can I do? I'm gonna send them an email, I'm gonna send them my name over and over. And so when I read that you sent that letter, I loved it because I think it's just a beautiful gift

for people to hear that, who maybe think like, oh, okay, maybe everyone who gets the thing they want also has to kind of like keep going after it. It doesn't just, you don't just magically get discovered half the time. Yeah, you know what I mean? It often doesn't just fall right into your lap and I know you wrote You wrote in that letter Or rather after you've talked about it and just your appreciation for This is us creator Dan Fogelman

for This Is Us creator Dan Fogelman saying that just that you appreciate what he did and that he chose you and you say especially because of how significant it was to choose a woman who didn't look like every other woman or every other person on TV mm-hmm yeah can you talk about that? Anytime I think about Dan, it really makes me emotional. Why? He just, first of all, he's absolutely brilliant in the most humble way, self-deprecating way. And he's just so like in tune with emotion and the human condition. And it just comes through, I think, with everything he does. But also, yeah, that he... You know, it was pitched originally as a film.

And one executive at some, I don't know, wherever place said, oh, wait, so the plus-size girl, like she's like how plus-size? Like Kate Winslet? And he was like, first of all, what are you saying? Second of all, no, this is like a real woman who's like really dealt with with weight issues and it's plagued her her entire life.

And she was loosely based off of his sister. And so I think Kate was very important to Dan. And so knowing that and knowing that he was so intentional about who he wanted, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh. In a lot of my life, I never felt chosen. Oh no, I didn't think I was gonna cry, but I do. And so here I am. And to be chosen for such a special role

and a show and a time as it was, like I always say, like if I never book another role or a show or a movie again, like it's enough. It's enough. Like at some point things have to be enough and that was so magical for so many reasons. And not only did it set like the tone for new shows and new movies and just people being cast as just people

even if they weren't a particular size and even the role didn't have to talk about the size that they were, that position that I got to just so gratefully be put in was so special and to feel chosen that I was good enough, that I was the right person. And also not being incredibly experienced, I mean everybody on the show had 10, 15, 20 years of acting. That was the first show I ever tested for. And I remember the second scene, Chris and I, Chris Sullivan, who played Toby and I did together,

I looked at him and I was like, Chris, like, I can't do this. Like, I don't, I can't do this. Like, I don't know my, like, I'm so afraid. Like, I think they hired the wrong girl. And he was like, no, I can't do this. Like I don't know my, like I'm so afraid. Like I think they hired the wrong girl. And he was like, no they didn't, no they didn't. And I was like, and I'm like, okay, okay, please Lord, help me and everything that is holy, just help me

because like I didn't think I deserved it or was worth it or, you know, so there's a lot of pressure. But I'm so indebted to Dan. Not only did I learn so much about acting myself, obviously developed incredible relationships with people, but like what that particular role gave my life, unreal, unreal, that's unreal. In what way?

Well, it provided like an opportunity to like instill trust in myself, which I think is really confidence. When you talk about Dan Fogelman choosing you, you posted recently on your Instagram that you wanna be chosen, not half chosen. Yeah. Yeah, can you talk about that idea

and just like that through line through your life? Well, we're gonna get serious now. So thank goodness for therapy. I think this as a whole, I wish it was more accessible to more people cause I think we have to treat the soil. That's beside the point, but the most important point

about mental health and therapy. But what I've discovered in therapy is that, um, my dad, for whatever reason, wasn't able to choose me. And so I go after things that, whether it's men or jobs or like, I'm literally in the business of rejection. I'm like, oh, that's comfortable for me. Oh, great. Great. Great. Let me just pursue that. Because that's what I'm used to.

It's normal to me. It's not healthy, but it's what I know and like, right? We sort of veer toward the devil that we know. And so just discovering like, I need to be chosen, but even more so I have to choose myself and make a sort of living amends to myself about choosing myself because my dad was either unwilling or incapable.

I'd like to believe he was just incapable. But I realized through therapy that like, oh wow, like I choose things that don't choose me because I'm like trying to, I think rectify that situation or like, I feel like I'm valuable to someone and not have to beg them to choose me, but have to be willingly chosen. And so I think that's why when you asked about Dan,

like I got so emotional because like, just as I was, just what I did was good enough and he chose it and it was right. Doesn't mean you're always gonna be right. And that's fine too, because I do believe the things that are meant for you are yours and we'll find you no matter what. But yeah, being chosen is,

that's a hard lesson. And even to accept that like, that some people aren't going to choose you. And like even what you mentioned earlier, I was like, oh my gosh, I needed to hear that. Because I think like, if I'm not chosen right out of the gate, then I don't need to like, it's not right. But sometimes you do have to sort of take a step back

and say like, oh wait, if I want something, how do I kind of like reconfigure that pursuit? I was like, oh wow, oh wow, I needed to hear that. So thank you for that. But yeah, yeah, nobody wants to be half chosen. Like you're all in or don't do it at all. Yeah, really. That's how I felt. What have you learned that you can share with anyone maybe who feels like they're never chosen? Well, if we believe that everything happens as it should and for a reason, not being chosen is a reason.

You know, even though it feels like you're discarded, you're dismissed. Like I always say, like, God's rejection is your protection. You know, and it's easy to say that it's easy to sit somewhere and say that. But to like put it into practice, it's difficult. You're like, really again, really again, again, again? How do I continue to just show up and have the endurance or the stamina? But I think you just have to, for me,

I have to go back to, I mean, even after the show's wrapped, I'm like, well, why haven't I had this series? Or why haven't I? Because it's not what you're supposed to be doing, or it's not what you want to be doing, or it's not what's in the cards for you. And then it's provided an opportunity for me to pursue music in a real way.

So there are reasons why things are happening or why you're not chosen. And even with, particularly with my father, that relationship, or lack of allowed me to really develop, I think, compassion and empathy and really get to know myself and like show up for myself and do the things that unfortunately was not cultivated in our relationship. And then also not hold on to resentment for him, because I truly believe that like,

if we know better, we do better, you know, but not to say it's easy. Yeah. It's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress. When your mom married your stepdad, and growing up in that environment, you've shared in your memoir,

you've shared a little bit about sort of the emotional and physical abuse that you went through, that he would bring a scale into the kitchen and shame you over, like weigh you publicly and shame you over it. What was that experience like and how's it impacted you? Oh gosh, I think it impacts everything. You know, like it is, it's tricky because I know my mom,

my dad basically left and left my mom with like nothing. Three kids and she was struggling for many, many years. And I've talked about like times where she wouldn't eat because there wasn't enough food and she didn't have enough money for enough food for everybody. And the sacrifices that she made. And I know that she loved my stepfather, but I know that she also really needed us to have like inconsistent like roof over our heads. I went to five elementary schools

cause we moved so often, which I think also helped me cause then I can talk to anybody. You know, like I want to believe that there's like a blessing in every sort of difficult time, but it was, it was hard because I felt like I was singled out by him. He didn't really treat my younger sisters the same way. And again, not feeling chosen or feeling chosen for the wrong thing or being sort of, I was like a magnifying glass.

And now as an adult, I'm like, okay, maybe he actually loved me, didn't know how to express it, and did it in such a difficult way that he thought he was being helpful. Like, he doesn't want me to be unhealthy, or he doesn't want me to be a certain way. But also, hurt people hurt people, and he was, I think, very hurt by his own father.

These are only things I can say now because I've gone to therapy and, like, I've processed feelings. But in the moment, I mean, I was devastated and it affected the way I walked into every room. I think it still affects the way I walk into a room. It's like my desire to be a people pleaser and a peacemaker. I'm also the middle child of five. So that has something to do with it. But yeah,, yeah, like not feeling worthy. Like, why does my weight equate my worthiness? Or like, why does it bother him so much? Or like, what is he projecting onto me? Like, what is that? And as you know, a 12 year old kid, it's like, how do you reconcile that in

your mind? So, you know, kids just, their job is to be loved, you know, and some parents don't have that capacity, unfortunately. So yeah, it was devastating. It was, I mean, it's still something that I deal with and even in any kind of relationship and any kind of job that I want, I'm like, am I, am I worthy of this?

Like, it's so much about like, am I worthy of attention, affection, love? Because as a parent, I feel like that's their job. And when you don't get that, or you get it in a very unhealthy way, I'm not justifying his actions. I think a lot of therapists who might listen to this would be like, don't you say that.

You cannot justify his actions. Like, he didn't do what you're supposed to do as a parent. But it is, yeah, it is still very painful if I really kind of get to the root of it. There's still a lot of pain about all of that. Yeah, for sure. How did he do that with anyone else in the family? And what would he do exactly? I know he'd pull up a scale into the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, he with anyone else in the family? And what would he do exactly?

I mean, he'd pull up a scale into the kitchen, right? Yeah, like he would weigh me in the kitchen or threaten to lock the cupboards. And I'm like, I don't think you get it. And because I think there's so much more awareness now around food, food issues, food behavior, people, when we educate people, the fear goes away. And maybe he was just fearful. I don't really know but um yeah

I mean definitely mental physical emotional abuse for sure yeah, it was um and while you're going through puberty and You look like none of your other friends, and you can't fit into any of the cute wet seal clothes So that they can fit into you're like oh, let me borrow your necklace. How exciting. Yeah, and then also, you know, all of my friends, like all the boys liked my friends, and I always felt like I was setting my friends up with cute boys, and yeah, there's so much stigma about weight,

and there still is, for a myriad of reasons. But I think there's this idea that like, oh, you can't put the food down or you're lazy or whatever. And because, and I don't wanna go off on a tangent, but I feel like sex, drugs, rock and roll, it's so glorified. Or like very thin, beautiful models are like on a pedestal, even though they're very unhealthy as well. They're You know, they're not taking care of their bodies

But when you're overweight, it's like a whole other thing and it's so bizarre So, yeah, I mean the physical that I think the emotion like the physical abuse like yeah not great But the emotional stuff that like just like a little nicks little cuts and eventually you like bleed out like it is Painful. Mm-hmm. So yeah, I think I'm trying to heal those wounds slowly, but surely and it's Not easy because it definitely comes up in every Like the root of it is like I'm unworthy. Mm-hmm Everything you funneled on the feelings. Oh, I'm unworthy. Everything, you funnel down the feelings,

oh, I'm unworthy. So yeah, a lot. How did it feel walking into a role where you were chosen then, and then, I mean, year after year after year, I know people just come up to you in the bathroom and share their stories with you. Like you're chosen by America

and like celebrated and connected with so deeply. Yeah, it is not lost on me. Yeah. Do you feel worthy of it? What's interesting is all the things I never heard, I get to hear from people. And so everyone's like, Oh, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I'm like, Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like you no. Like you're healing the wounds for me. Like you're putting a little band-aids on these wounds for me. And it really means a lot to me. And it means a lot because I feel like

they have been impacted and not because of me, but because of, yes, what I've brought to the role, but also the way that it was written, the way that there was such care taken for her and for the show as a whole. And like, nobody, we don't have a blueprint for life. We're all just like trying to figure it out. And I think Kate did that so imperfectly that people related to that. And for that I'm so grateful because it does connect me with people that I'd never, I remember the one of the first women whoever came up to me in New York City,

she's like this cute little thing, her cute little workout clothes, and her little stroller, and her little baby. And she's like, can I talk to you? And I was like, sure. And I think she's gonna say something hateful, or rude, or whatever. And I preconceived, I had this preconceived notion

of what she was gonna say because she looked a certain way and she was like, I can't tell you how much I relate to your character. And I'm like, what? But why, what do you mean? And she's like, just because I'm not overweight, just because I don't have extra weight on my body doesn't mean that I don't relate to the behaviors

or the unworthiness or, you know, whatever the behavior is around food. She's like, I have a mind obsessed about food. Yes. You know, and- I'm getting so emotional. I have never cried on the show. And I'm like getting emotional.

And I'll tell you why, because you're talking about our steps are ordered. You're talking about the things that you did not get growing up. And like, I always think about this idea that God gives us double for our trouble. And I'm thinking about how you are healing. You talk about healing through this role of playing Kate,

and people are coming up to you sharing how what you've done has helped them heal. And it's almost like what you're just describing right now is like double. It's like you're healing. You're talking about them helping you heal through the words they're sharing with you. And then they're healing through seeing themselves through you.

And it's like double. And it makes me think of anybody sort of like going through a hard time right now or in a tough situation not understanding why it's happening to them or how they're, you know, not getting the love they need or any of those things. And the thing that that you said earlier too, about how you weren't chosen and instead of talking about now focusing on being chosen, you're saying, oh, I'm focusing on choosing myself. Yeah, choosing myself. That is going to be huge for people listening. It's so hard because we're not it's not how do you do that? Yeah, it's not cultivated. Yeah. Because if you do, then you're selfish, or how could you think about only,

I'm always thinking about everybody else, so much that my therapist is like, Chrissy, your mantra is what's in it for Chrissy? What do you get out of it? And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. What? What is that concept? I don't know.

What? I don't think about me. And you have to, just like on every single airplane, they say you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself. Every time I hear that, I'm like, oh right. Cause you can't help whoever's sitting next to you or, you know, clobbering a family member. And it's difficult.

It's so difficult to choose yourself. Yes. And, and because it's not cultivated because we feel selfish or if someone's not choosing their selves, themselves, their selves, they, they then feel guilty. And they project that they're not choosing that, you know, so then they try to make you feel bad. And you're like, wait, you know, as soon as you draw boundaries and choose yourself, you really get to see who people really are or wherever they're like, wait. You know, as soon as you draw boundaries and choose yourself, you really get to see who people really are, or wherever they're at, I should say, in their journey. There is so much more coming up in this episode.

You are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results,

like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy

plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at WorthyBook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlema.com

to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlema.com or in the link in the show notes. And now more of this incredible conversation together. Because I always say like people are troubled. I don't think they want to be.

Like we just have a lot to uncover, discover, discard, you know, in our lives. So it's hard to choose myself though. It's so important, right? Yeah, it's so important. And it's a lie that it's selfish. I think, like, you look at all the studies, and they show you can't have a deep, meaningful connection and love with someone else. That's any deeper than the love you have for yourself.

And I don't know if you've ever had this. I know. Yeah. Like, anyone listening right now, it's a big one. Because especially as women, we think, oh, let me make everyone else happy, then I'll be happy. But it's like, you can't have the depth of love and connection any deeper with anyone else

than the depth of love and connection you have for yourself. And I think that what I've learned the hard way, I'd be curious if you've learned this as well or had a similar experience, is that a lot of my life, I thought if enough other people chose me, then I'd feel chosen. And so I overachieved or I tried to make everyone else happy or what. And you can get chosen. You can get famous.

You can get whatever it is your goals and dreams are. But if you're not yet choosing yourself, you'll still never feel chosen. Right. Right? It's a big, it's so profound. I don't think I've ever talked with anyone about this, by the way, but it's so profound that you're on this journey. I think that's so powerful because I think for,

I'm just imagining so many people listening to us, again, seeing themselves through you, that that are gonna be like, wait a minute Well, you just give me an epiphany because like it's like yeah, like the I can only Give what I have. Yeah, and obviously we can only keep what we give away But you also have to give that back to yourself because you you can't give from an empty well And you have to have that love to give to someone else and it has to come from yourself. And then I realized, oh girl, like, yeah, all of the work of my father not choosing me or even, you know, Dan choosing me or whatever role or label or whatever wants to work with me, like,

I can't attach to that. Like, I can only attach to, like, how I feel about myself and how I show up for myself. So I can then show up for other people. We so often think, I mean, I feel like this is sort of this story in almost every advertisement and everything we grew up thinking that, like, if I finally get that, then I'll be happy. Whether, you know, now online and social, oh my gosh,

it's when I finally get a million followers, when I finally get famous, or when I finally get that, then I'll be happy. Whether now online and social, oh my gosh, it's when I finally get a million followers, when I finally get famous, or when I finally get six pack abs, or married, or a job title, or whatever it is. I wanna ask you, because you said something at the very beginning of this that was so profound. And I think about this because sometimes I think, I feel so blessed to have accomplished some of my greatest goals to realize, oh, that's not it if I don't first love myself,

right? And I want to just ask you this because you're one of the very few people on the planet, when you look at the whole population, you're one of the very few people who've been able to have this experience that so many other people dream of, but you have become famous. And for everyone out there who thinks once I finally get that thing, then it's gonna change everything, then I'm gonna be happy, then I'm gonna be enough.

What has becoming famous been like? What changed? What didn't? All of it. Well people know my name, and I definitely cry in bathrooms with strangers. So that's actually not different because I have always been an emotional person. I've always had tons of empathy for people. And I think that's the thing that people attach to in my work, that they're like, oh, she's sincere and honest. Because I don't I don't like what is talent? What is talent? Anyway, it's so subjective. But I think it's connecting to someone and I

love people. And I love to connect with people. And it doesn't matter where they're from, who they are, what language they speak, what their background is. I think that's the whole reason we're here on this plane of existence is to treat people kindly. That's all that really matters at the end of the day. And so that and me, I don't think has ever changed, but it's definitely, they say no more money, more problems. That definitely is a thing,

especially when you come from a family and a life that like, I didn't know how to manage money. What does that even mean? Like, I don't even understand, like, huh? So that was very overwhelming and it's seemingly, there's a lot of fear about that. And then also like fear of scarcity, like, well, I've had this now, so like, what's going to happen?

And like, who am I without this show? You know, but of course, the beautiful opportunities, the people that I've had a chance to meet, the places I've had opportunities to go, like I never expected that. And those things like really, I think can form you as a person. And those things I want to bring back to my family and to my friends and try to be generous in that way. But I think that, um... You know, I would... before the show, I could go on an airplane and someone could, like,

not want to sit next to me. Why? If they were, like, too squished or, you know, they were gonna be like, oh, gosh, here comes a big girl that I have to sit next to. But because now I'm on a TV show, they don't care. You know, or they're like, oh, well you're famous. And I'm like, oh, but like you,

I can't attach to the good or the bad. Because if I do, then I've allowed them to sort of have that power over me. Because I know ultimately, it's not like you, it's not like people necessarily don't care about me, but they care about like who they think I am or because I was on a TV every Tuesday in their home. You know, it's such a weird mind twist of things. So you saw a profound difference from

Oh yeah. Sitting on an airplane. Oh yeah. What was people's reactions like before? And then when did you notice that change? Oh, it. Sitting on an airplane. Oh, yeah. What was people's reactions like before? And then when did you notice that change? Oh, it was always like, like, they're going to be bothered that I'm sitting next to them or they wouldn't, you know, look at me twice or they would not engage. And then when I became, let's put it in air quotes, famous, then they're like, want to

have a conversation or they were more apt to want to sit next to me. And I don't know what that is. It's still something that like my friends and I talk about cause like, what does it really even mean? I don't know. I don't know. It's very bizarre. Cause on one hand, I'm so grateful for the job that I have

but I'm also like. So like they dropped their judgment or they dropped their discrimination because now you're famous. But I don't think they did. I think that they're just like, because the judgment is now like, oh, I'm famous. Yep, yep, yep.

And like maybe what could I provide to them or like what insight could I share with them? Or I don't know, like do they feel cooler because they're sitting next to someone who's famous? I don't them or I don't know, like do they feel cooler because they're sitting next to someone who's famous? I don't know. I don't understand it, but it is very interesting to me. And so that kind of behavior is, it makes you not wanna trust people, you know?

And you're like, but why, even in relationships, it's like, why does a man wanna be with me? Like, is it something that like, does a man wanna be with me? Is it something that like, are they gonna get something from me? Even friendships, the friends that I have are from when I was broke. Broke, broke, broke, broke. It's hard to now cultivate relationships

because I'm like, what are people's intentions? So it's so weird. Those things have certainly changed and I don't really know how to navigate them. I'm learning. Also, you know, people always say you're only as good as your last job. And I'm like, oh, I'm not, I was Christy before I was Kate.

And I'm gonna be Christy long after, you know, maybe people don't even watch TV anymore. Who knows if that's going to be a thing. But, like, I still want to work and I still want to, you know, portray particular roles and stories, but I can't attach to my self-worth to the jobs that I get. And that's hard. And I never, I never had to deal with that before. It's weird. The number of letters and emails I get and DMs from people saying like, I just got laid off from my job

or my company just went under or I just went by. And they had attached their identity and their worth to a title or a thing. And in this case, you being such an important character on such a huge beloved show, right, for six years, and then that ending, do you feel like, or have you experienced feeling like you let your identity be attached to that?

Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh, I don't think I'd be human if I didn't. Yeah, especially six years, That's a long time. Also, because it changed so much of my life. And like I say, people treat you differently. Yes. You know? Yes. So yeah, it definitely plays with my mind because I'm like, oh, OK,

so if I don't get another job or if I don't have something that's prolific or profound Yes, what are people gonna think about me? Yes, are they gonna still like me? Are they gonna care enough to like follow me? And if I don't have enough followers, there's not enough cache Are people not gonna hire me? So it's like this weird cyclical Wild ride that I'm like, oh do I like how do I Balance playing that where I feel like, ugh, do I, like, how do I balance playing that where I feel like Instagram is something authentic?

Let's just say social media. Social media is authentic, but it's also, I have to preserve my own mental health. Yeah, yeah. See, it is, it's wild. I have to really step away from it. And I don't read comments, because I'll read 100 really sweet, wonderful comments. And then one person's like, well, you know what you need to do.

And I'm like, you know, like, why? You know. How do you not attach your worth to fame? Oh, boy. Well, I didn't always have it. Yeah. Like I said, I grew up humble beginnings. I know what it's like to walk down the street and not have anyone look at me or have them look at me because they're like disgusted because I'm a plus size girl, whatever their judgment is. And then now it's like, oh, oh, you're famous. So I sort of like, like, I've gone through like a whole process. And so I'm like, oh, yeah, maybe my ego would be very bruised because I'm a human.

And I, we do everything we do because we want to be loved. Everything we do because we just just love me, like just validate me and love me. But then it comes back to self-love. So could I be okay with people not recognizing me, not liking me, that has to be cultivated within. So it has to always come back to that. So I guess that's ultimately what I'm working on. Yeah, it's such a journey, right?

Oh gosh. I feel like the sooner we do it, the better because a lot of people don't really recognize that their identity is attached to their kids, and then all of a sudden the kids leave, and they're just, who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Or their job, you know? And then, and before you know it, decades of life have gone by, not realizing that sort of like ultimate journey to worthiness, which is so, our jobs are, all the stuff on the outside's irrelevant to it, but we're raised thinking that's the thing. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, you know, talking about sort of like weight and worth, I know Oprah has shared publicly that people treat her so different if she is over 200 pounds versus under 200 pounds. And she and I had a really powerful discussion about what is brand new to so many people because I feel like while we still have a long way to go, we're finally making strides

in different areas of discrimination. At least a lot of us are trying. Yes. And yet when it comes to weight, I still feel like it's this one area where a lot of people just think it's okay to just judge or discriminate or any of that. And she and I were talking about just all

the medical advancements in science that's now literally completely obliterating the lie that for so many of us, our weight is our choice or our weight is tied to willpower or any of those things. And now, you know, there's, and some of it's been around 10 years, but they're showing in a lot of cases that, you know, for people that deal with obesity,

most of the time it's not their choice. Most of the time, and they're linking it to different conditions in our brain and different things, just like any other traits that we have. And so what has your, I mean, what experience are you living in now? What are your thoughts around that? Yeah, it's so interesting. I have lots of thoughts and a lots of information I still still I think I'm collecting because I don't completely understand Like if somebody wants to take a particular prescription

Yeah they absolutely should and if it works for them and they feel good about it and they've Consult you know consulted with their doctors like do it do it. But if you don't want to that's okay, too whether it's a surgery it's a You know an actual medicine, like we are not, we don't know everybody's ins and outs and like we don't know their medical history and like, it's so much of a judgment.

No, is it our business? No, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Exactly, and that's why I said earlier, it's like with models who are sickly thin, who don't eat and smoke cigarettes They're glorified, but When you're overweight, it's like this It's the most disgusting thing you could and the societal conditions that have been placed upon us

You know, like it's just so wild so I Think no matter what kind of body you're in if you're healthy great Cuz that's all we really want is to be healthy and the longevity and quality of life I think no matter what kind of body you're in, if you're healthy, great. Because that's all we really want is to be healthy in the longevity and quality of life. So if medications or whatever it is that you wanna do makes you feel good and it's helping you, great.

I also have, I know there's always like an adverse, you don't know what the long-term effects are sometimes with things and like that's scary but like if the short-term desire to change or need to change is more important then that's what you choose, you know, and we're not here to judge anybody like I don't want to judge anybody for whatever they want to do like who am I, am I? But I'm also, I always like to see both sides of every coin. That's just sort of who I am. And it could be great for me, it could be not great for you,

or it could be great for someone else and not great for me, whatever. But I do think that we are a society of quick fixes. I think that our pain management as a whole is terrible. I think we don't know how to manage pain, emotional, physical. And I've spoken to several like, orthopedists who are like in other countries, like, people aren't overprescribed pain medication, like you learn to actually like deal with pain as opposed to just trying to pop a pill and think that like okay great. And so I think we don't want

to sit in discomfort. And that's one thing I'm very I'm very comfortable with being uncomfortable because I've basically been uncomfortable my entire life for whatever reason. And so I don't want a quick fix about anything because we know that the band-aid, like food, my food issues, the food is not the issue, it's the symptom. There's things that make me have behaviors around food. And perhaps there's a chemical thing

and perhaps like putting that with a particular medication is, you know, like it's so nuanced. But I do think that we, I mean, anything, like we don't wanna feel something, we scroll through Instagram. Yeah. You know, we don't wanna have that conversation with our significant other, let me go eat something,

whatever, we don't wanna feel it because it's too uncomfortable. So my thing is always like, okay, what's the behavior around the situation? Why am I doing this? Let me be aware. And I think all those factors have to go into the bigger picture for people. But you know, for me, I saw this episode called State of Weight that Oprah did, and she had a whole panel

of doctors. And after I saw this, I went and got tested for obesity genes. Because I wondered why my whole life, I can diet, exercise, do all the things. And I always told myself, oh, I just don't have enough willpower. It's gotta be my willpower. And I felt so much shame around my weight fluctuating my entire life. For me, it started at 14. And when I did this test I have two of the obesity genes and what I learned is that my body has the

set point that no matter what it's gonna go back to and it's literally not tied to willpower. So I find what is happening fascinating because for probably 40 however long it started when I was maybe 10, so maybe 35 years, I would shame myself and think it's a willpower thing and think it's my fault and think all these things. And it was the most freeing thing. I feel like in the next year, I'm going to call it right now, I feel like in the next year, there is so much going on with people starting to be aware of like their body chemistry.

One thing that Oprah brought up is she's like, she was saying she remembers doing her show when she said alcoholism is a disease. And people like, no, it's not just don't pick up the drink. But that's kind of where people were. And we were talking about the parallel between that and wait now where people think, oh, just don't eat or just don't whatever, whatever it is. You know what I mean?

That people, these judgments people have, which I think in just a couple years are gonna be so obviously antiquated and just unevolved. Yeah. Because so much is happening with that. And, but you know, for me But for me, most of my life, I could make so much progress in areas around self-worth, around all of these things.

And still, I would have challenges feeling enough in my body. And I really feel like it is just this past year where I, no matter what size I am, I fully, like it doesn't consume my energy anymore worrying about it. Yeah, at all, and I don't feel, it's freeing, right? Cause it's such a lie. Like it's a lie that our weight determines our worth.

It's all of it's a lie. And I wrote a whole chapter on this in Worthy. I wrote a chapter called Don't Wait on Your Weight because for most of my life, it was like I was waiting on my weight to go to the party to all these things. I let it hold me back. Are you, where are you at in your life right now on just feeling so comfortable in your body? Yeah. I mean, it's interesting because I don't equate my, I'm trying not to equate my worth with my body.

That I'm like, oh, this is the vehicle. And like, you gotta put gas in the car. You gotta go, you know, maintenance. You gotta figure it out. Like, how do I make the vehicle run most efficiently? And I feel like, feeling like you're worthy enough to even take care of yourself. Some people for many years, I didn't do that. I'm like, Oh, no, it's fine.

I have so much shame and guilt about it. I'm not going to do it. And there's so much like, you know, medical shame with people who are in a different size body. But if I don't attach my worth to my body, and it's just the vehicle, it's just like, how do I make it work most efficiently? Then it's not emotional. And it's like, okay, maybe I do need to take more magnesium or vitamin D or get on a particular weight loss medication, whatever, whatever it means for someone. There are days that I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, great feeling good. And then I'll see something, it's typically psychological, I'll see something, I'll start to compare and despair with someone else, someone's lost weight.

And I'm like, no, no, Chrissy, you're not upset they've lost weight, or you're not upset that you look different than you want what they have, but you have to work at it, just like they worked at it. So I have to sort of go into that. But do you want that? I mean, I wanna be able to not, I wanna be able to go and do whatever I wanna do.

And physically sometimes, you know, like there's a weight limit on a zip line or there's a weight limit on a something or like a helicopter, not that I wanna go on a helicopter, because those things scare me. But whatever, you know, fill in the blank, whatever it is, I just don't wanna not be able to experience life to the fullest because of a body that I'm in.

So that, you know, those things are like always in the back of my head, but also just health generally, like longevity and quality of life. So there are days that I'm like, I feel so great and good and I don't wanna have to change. And there days that I'm like, I feel so great and good and I don't have to change. And there's sometimes I'm like, you know what?

I wish that I could wear that. I wish that they made clothes that look like that for like plus size women. And that's a whole other story from another time. But you know, it's really, I go in waves with it. And I don't know if that's societal pressures or if it's personal pressures or it's just what I think I'm supposed to look like

or what I wanna be loved so I want people to find me attractive. You know, like I don't, I think it's so layered and nuanced. So I try to like go back to like, okay, is it because I said I was gonna do something, didn't follow through on it, and now I'm feeling like I have to attack myself? And you know what I mean? Like it's so cunning.

It can be, you know, yeah. So talking about things like that make us sick of resentment, right? Yes. Lack of forgiveness. Yes. You know, talking about things like that make us sick of resentment, right? Yes. Lack of forgiveness. You've shared that you have forgiven or let me let you share this. Where are you at when it comes to forgiving your stepfather? Well, he recently passed away and it was really difficult

because he was like the only father I really ever had, aside from an acting coach who was recently diagnosed with ALS and that is a whole other thing. And so when he was in hospice, I was so compelled because he hadn't spoken to me since I wrote my book because he really felt like I threw him under the bus and so did his family. And I was like, but read the chapter, read the chapter about like, yes, these terrible things happen. But like, I'm so grateful for

what you instilled, like so much discipline and work ethic and all these, nobody's all bad and nobody's all good. And we're doing the best we can. And so as an adult, and when you're sort of faced with someone's mortality or they're in hospice and you don't know how long you're gonna have with them, I just felt so compelled to write him a letter. But I was honest, I was like, you know, like I was very hurt, but I also love you very much. And I hope that you can forgive me

for anything that you might be upset about. And I forgive you because ultimately at the end of the day, I really do believe that people want to be good. I do, I really believe that. And I wasn't trying to absolve myself because I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I just spoke the truth in my book and that was hard enough for me because I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I just spoke the truth in my book and that was hard enough for me because I didn't want, I wasn't trying to like exploit the situation

it was just my truth and for him to accept that like what he did and accept his actions, you know responsibility for his actions. So he was in hospice and my sister read the letter to him while I was on FaceTime, and that was the last person that he spoke to. And he was like, thank you. He said thank you and he said, I love you. And I was like, ooh, that was very important for me. And then when we were cleaning out my childhood home where he lived, he actually had my book with a book

marker in it. And I was like, okay. So like he was trying, you know, like he really did try. So yeah, sometimes we have to have grace and And grace is for people who, I talk about this often, like grace is for people who like seemingly don't deserve it but need it the most. And including ourselves, of course. So yeah, that was like a very profound moment to be able to apologize and also tell them that I loved him. Because I really do. And I'm really grateful for him.

I don't, I I really do. And I'm really grateful for him. I don't know. I didn't know really a father figure, because my dad wasn't around. So yeah, it's wild. It's so wild. Life. Life be life-in. Your dad, your biological dad, can you talk about him re reentering your life?

Yeah. Maybe right around the, or near the time you became famous and what, what was that like? What's happened? Yeah. Since how do you reconcile that? When we were trying to like reconcile the relationship and I was trying to extend an olive branch. And what I discovered was that like,

he's very congenial, he's very funny, he likes to entertain, like he will always had people over and there were so many things. What I realized after writing the book was like, I was more like him than I ever thought. And that was hard to discover, because I was like, oh, right, okay. So he wasn't all bad, even though it made me feel that way,

because he left and abandoned me. And even after talking about that in the book, and then the National Enquirer goes and speaks to him, and he said that I abandoned him, I'm like, what in the world? Like, he knows better. He knows better, and I know that he knows better. And so that's why I can have forgiveness

around the situation, but like, are you that desperate that you would need the money to like, I don't know. I guess it was just difficult, because I felt like you abandoned me again for your own needs and your own wants and your own desires or for your need to feel justified in your actions. We all know what we do or don't do

and we have to live with that. I know that he knew, but it was heartbreaking, especially like one of the first conversations we have, he asks me like what I make per episode. And I'm like, really? And that's after seeing him, like after reconciling. Yeah, after trying to reconcile with him. Yeah, and I'm like, is that, okay,

could we have an honest conversation? Could I have said, is that all you care about? Or is it that you don't know how to ask me maybe another question? Or like, is it that you find so much value and monetary gain? Like, what is it? Like, why did you ask that?

And I can only think of that now because in the moment I was like, are you serious? And I laughed it off, but I wish I could have said, that actually hurt my feelings. I want to have a relationship with you and it feels like that's all you care about. Can you explain? Can you share why you asked me that?

Of course I didn't, but all that to say, it was, yeah, it's difficult. It's difficult. It's a weird, it's a weird dynamic. Do you feel like you've fully forgiven both your father and your stepfather? I don't know, no, no. I mean, I think mostly, mostly, but I went to this really amazing therapy location in Nashville, outside of Nashville.

And... Was it onsite? It was. Life-changing. Oh, it was... Life-changing. Love, love, love. And I had done a movie that like really sort of,

I knew I shouldn't have done and I did it anyway because I committed to it. And it was so difficult for me for many reasons. And I was like, I don't know if I want to act anymore. And then I happened to run into someone who knew Miles and then I ran into Miles at the grocery store and I was like, I don't know if I wanna act anymore. And then I happened to run into someone who knew Miles, and then I ran into Miles at the grocery store, and I was like, okay, I clearly need to be going to Onsite. And I'm so grateful I did,

because I was able to really hash through some things about my father and my stepfather and a friend and the movie and worth and all that. But what I know is that I'm doing the best I can, but there's things that still come up. But what was so beautiful was that there were two older gentlemen in my group, cause I did like a group intensive and they were like, we would be so proud to be your dad.

They were like, we would be so proud to be your dad. And I said, oh my gosh, like I was sobbing, you know, like even if I went there just for that, it was like, I really needed to hear that and reconcile that like, no matter what I did or didn't do, it has nothing to do with me. Whether my stepdad or my father could or couldn't, it has nothing to do with me. Whether my stepdad or my father could or couldn't, it has nothing to do with me. And that is what I think I'm dealing with.

I wanna say it's more about just coming to terms with that because I always wanna make it about me. And I'm like, am I narcissistic? Is something wrong with me? Like what? And I just have to not take it personally because it's not about me. But it certainly feels that way a lot of the time.

So onsite was very instrumental in that process. So I feel like every day I get to like move closer toward like, I guess, a complete forgiveness. I don't know if it will ever happen. I don't know. But what I was getting at is there was this girl who's gorgeous, so funny, so talented. She had this great relationship with her dad.

Her dad was like madly like just engaged with her and loved with her and like obsessed with her in like a beautiful, like healthy way. And I was like, oh, my life would be so different if my dad loved me. My life would be different. I would be a different woman. I'd walk into a room differently. And then I realized like that's not necessarily true.

And also she was there too. She had her own issues. Like you're not exempt. You're not exempt from issues because you look a certain way. But in my mind, if I looked a certain way, if I was treated differently, I'd look a certain way and I'd be treated differently. But like sometimes I'm the lesson for people. Sometimes someone else is a lesson for me. So yeah, yeah, maybe I'll eventually forgive completely. But no, I couldn't say 100%. How did your mom react to the memoir? Well I think she was proud that I wrote it. I think that she was disappointed that she seemingly allowed that behavior. You know, and it's difficult now because she had a stroke six years ago and then she had lung cancer.

So she has aphasia. So she doesn't have a vocabulary. She literally speaks in Baba Baba bus. So it's like playing charades with your mom. But before she had a stroke, I was able to share some things with her that like really hurt my feelings. And she was able to apologize. And I never think I was going to hear I'm sorry hurt my feelings. And she was able to apologize. And I never think

I was going to hear I'm sorry for my mom. Not because she wasn't capable of it. But my mom would like tough. I mean, clearly she's gone through everything she's gone through and still kicking. Sassy as the day is long. And so that was very healing for me, that she was able to say she was sorry. So like, I felt like she did, even before she knew I was gonna write the book. And I do know that she's very proud of me. And that's all we want is for our parents to be proud of us.

Yeah. You know, to love us and be proud of us. So yeah, but I don't think she was, and I think that's why she really encouraged and like spoke up about my stepfather treating my younger sisters differently. So, yeah, yeah. Did you feel like the same kind of thing

that maybe she should have chosen you? Sure. Oh, God. I was just talking to my friend about that. I'm like, I understand why she stayed with him because she needed a roof over our heads and it was safe and secure and he was a great provider. But there was a time where I, oh, I distinctly remember my stepdad didn't want me to live there anymore. He thought I was too troublesome. Troublesome in the way of like me knowing what was happening. I didn't, it wasn't like I was, you know, some rebellious teenager. In fact, I was like the opposite.

I was such a good girl. I'm like, I will do everything I can to make you love me. Whatever I need to do. I'll be a good girl. I'll listen. I'll close the door quietly. I'll put the dishes away quietly. Like everything I can do for you to love me.

And still wasn't enough. And he was, I guess, threatened by my awareness. And so my mom was like, Chrissy, I don't know what to do. Like, I don't know what to do anymore. She's like, you're gonna have to call your father. And I was like, oh, I'm not, what am I gonna call him for?

I haven't spoken to him in how long he doesn't want me. And I remember he, I called him and he was like, yeah, you can't be here either. And my grandmother and I were very close and she was like, I want you to live with me, but she lives in a retirement community. She couldn't have anybody there. And yeah, I feel like that was such a distinct moment in my life. And it's still something I think about at 43 years old. And I, yeah. Whoo, this chosen stuff is really a lot. So loud how you connected the dots to you

because then you go into a profession where the best in the world are rejected constantly. Yeah. Re are rejected constantly. Rejected constantly. I'm like, oh, I know this. You know this. It's for a lot of people who don't realize we're attracted to what's familiar, what's comfortable.

Right, right. Oh yeah, being in like a normal stable relationship, I'm like, what is this? Where's the shoe? Is it gonna drop? What's gonna happen? Where's the drama gonna come? Like, do I create the drama?

Oh, I should create the drama because I need the drama, you know, or you're not going to choose me. So let me just go ahead and self sabotage because you're not going to choose me anyway. So, like, let me like push you away to see if you know how to stay. Like, let me. What can I do? Oh, boy. It's a lot worthiness. Yeah, the greatest, yes, you know, life journey. Yeah, it really is the greatest life journey.

Yeah. You know? And it affects every area of our lives. Every area. Yeah. It can't not. There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it.

But first, I wanted to share this with you. I have a question for you. Do you ever find yourself trapped in the people-pleasing cycle struggling to set boundaries while still caring about what others think? For years I felt the exact same way until I learned the simple, proven process for setting boundaries, even if you've struggled in the past, and I want to share it with you for free. I put together a guide called How to Create Boundaries and Stop People Pleasing in 7 Simple

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And now more of this incredible conversation together. What role does faith play in your life? Oh, I don't think I'd be sitting in this chair if I didn't believe in God, if I didn't have faith if I didn't believe in God, if I didn't have faith that there was someone bigger, greater and a different like, and to know like there's something beyond this because you put so much stock into your worth, your worthiness or your value and what you acquire or what job you have or how much money you have in the bank account or how much you weigh or whatever.

Yeah, but my grandmother instilled faith in me at a very young age and that was so important. And I would go to church on my own because I was looking for something. I'm like, help me understand what this is all about and this pain or this sorrow or this feeling discarded by your own family, you know, like there has to be a rhyme or a reason. And ultimately, like, if I only really need to be

loved by God, I'm good. I'm good. But I think that's a hard lesson, you know, and for me, that, that means something to me. So yeah, I mean, I pray every day all day because I need to have that conscious contact with with God for me, who I call God. And I want to just note that like, I say that only because I don't want to offend people, but then people are like, but you can't, you know, denounce God by not, you know, and so I just do it because I don't want anybody to ever feel a certain way that people are gonna be pleased. But my relationship, who I choose to call God.

So yeah, I mean, I think that's part of the reason why I wrote Children's Book with Bradley and needing to like bolster that self-esteem and self-confidence that my grandmother gave me at a young age and knowing that like you have to treat the soil and I didn't always get that. And so I'm like, oh, how can we impart that in a book? You know, and then of course the children's album.

So yeah, faith is very, very important. It's like the most important thing, which also people ask me like, how do you navigate Hollywood with that thought and your faith? And I'm like, I wouldn't have any of this. I wouldn't have any of this if I didn't, like it's not for, who am I?

Like, no, like I'm not any different than anybody else. You know, like I'm no better, I'm no worse, I'm equal, but there's a bigger picture and there's like a bigger, a much bigger picture at hand for sure, for me, what I believe in. Yeah. When you're acting or you're singing or you're writing your books,

do you feel like God flows through you? Oh yeah. Or do you ask him to? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, all the time, like, Please Jesus, please God, everybody just help me because I don't wanna do it from an ego place. I don't wanna do it because I want an accolade or I want approval.

I'm like, everything always like, what is my intention? Why am I doing this? What is the why? Like why? And for me, with the children's book, it was really like, I wish I had a book like this when I was a kid, you know? And it's also sort of a little homage to my grandmother and what she cultivated in me.

And if it wasn't for my grandma, I still know that she's praying for me, like storm in the heavens every day for me, because there are so many times I'm like, how did I get through this? Or how did I navigate this? But yeah, I definitely ask for help. How do you know God exists?

You know, that's a question that I even ask like my friends, like we have these big conversations. It's so weird because like I could like, I know because I feel it. But I also know because I like I see it. I see it in people and in situations and things that I mean, even my brother-in-law's grandfather was had a massive heart attack and they're like, there's no way that like he's coming back from this and and he has and they were like, there's no way that like he's coming back from this and, and he has. And I'm like, okay.

So if I choose to believe in miracles and believe that, that is God and the hand of God, like that's what I choose to believe. But I, I've just seen so many things happen. Like I'm like, how can I deny it? Like what? How could you deny it? So I guess, I guess that's the answer.

How does, do you ever hear him talking to you or feel it, like still small voice intuition stuff? Oh, sure. Have you ever heard him audibly or seen? Sometimes it's through other people, you know? Or like I'll ask a question and I'm like, God, I need you to be so like precise, like point my head in the direction, like whatever, whatever, stand on the shoulder,

like whatever make it clear. And certainly somebody will say something I'm like, Oh, wait, what? Wait, was that? And then I'll question it. I'm like, No, no, that was it. That was it. Like it just came from somebody else. Like, I definitely feel like I've heard it in a small voice. Um, but then I don't

trust myself. So then I'm like, if it comes from someone else, I'm like, Oh, maybe that's what it is. Or if it's, you know, continual and I keep hearing it, I'm like, Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. All right. I read it right. You know, sometimes I just need to be told over and over to believe it, which is hard. Do you? Oh my gosh, yeah. I went through two decades of doubting God exists.

And someone had given me this advice that, why don't you try, if he created the whole universe, she said, what makes you think he can't handle your doubt? Try praying and telling him you're doubting him and to show up in your life, like to prove to you he exists, be on a shadow of a doubt. And so for all these years, I started praying. When I pray for my friends or health

or whatever it was going on, I'd finish it and say, and God, by the way, I'm doubting you exist. If you could please show up in my life and prove me wrong, be on a shadow of a doubt, I'd be so grateful. In Jesus' name, amen. And literally, Chrissy, like it didn't happen that day, but like over time, there have been so many times in my life. I mean, I know, be on a shadow of a doubt that he exists.

And I feel like I remember, you know, I'm adopted and I went through these many years of trying to search for my birth mom and my birth dad. And I finally found my birth mom. And then I spent, you know, the last decade, even still to this day, sometimes I would get online just searching for him, just trying to find who he could be, where he, and I have little tiny bits of information and after a few years of this,

there's like a particular moment in my life where I was really down, like I was in a lot of pain. I was like, when am I ever gonna find my dad? Am I ever gonna find my dad? And when I do, will he love me? Because I also have other people in my life like you who have abandoned me more than once who are family. Like in that double abandonment, that's the that you had mentioned earlier. That's just... And so I was in this really tough spot in my life and I remember one night I was up overnight just searching, going down a rabbit hole online and I was in tears and all of a sudden it

hit me so hard that I am spending all this time searching for my father but I know who my real father is. And it was like this moment I felt like take over my whole body, like so where it was like, I'm okay, I'm held, I know who my real father is. And it almost felt like I felt this weight of what am I searching for and why kind of lift, like I already know kind of lift, like I already know in a way what I need to know. And it made me feel hopeful. And you know, just sharing it now, I'm almost thinking of everyone who maybe doesn't have the kind of relationship they wish they did, or doesn't even know their father.

And it's like, I feel so blessed for faith in my life, because like, I don't, just like you, I do not know what I'd be doing without it. I can tell you with a billion percent certainty, I would not have grown a billion dollar business from my living room. I would not have been able to endure the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of rejections

if I did not have faith in my life, if I didn't know who's I am, if I didn't know who's I am, if I didn't know who's walking into every room with me, like I wouldn't have. So yeah, yeah, I think we share that. Ooh, so good. Will you tell me about, okay, you are this like a multi-talented force, this multi-talented force.

Number one New York Times bestselling author. I love this book. When I talk to God, I talk about you. We walked into the show today and your music is playing and we're all singing. You seem to do it all. Can you talk about, you know, now in your life just the role that music is playing because you're in Nashville now and releasing music and just sort of like kind of share with us a glimpse into the world, the heart, the soul, the essence

right now at this moment that is Chrissy Metz. Well, it's interesting because it's uncomfortable to hear myself sing, but I love singing so much. I love it so much. Like, I would do it if I never got paid. I would do it by myself. I love music. I love listening to music, I would do it by myself. I love music. I love listening to music.

I love creating it. I love writing music. And it's difficult cause I was with a label for a few years and I was about to go on tour and then that didn't happen because of a pandemic and everybody was in that situation. And then it was like, we never got on the right page together and I felt like I wasn't chosen again. And so leaving the label, which is difficult, you know, trying to be an independent artist,

I'm choosing myself. And not because I think I'm an amazing singer, not because I'm like, oh I'm gonna make millions of dollars just because I want to write music and I want to share it with people. And it might not look the way I thought it was going to look or I'm not, you know, some big country commercial radio success. And who knows if I ever will be who knows if I'll ever have like a number one single. I don't know. But I know that I love me making music and that's what I want to do.

And I want to write with people who, music means something to them. And that's how I want to be in business with everybody, whether I'm writing a coming of age story or a one woman show or whatever it is that I wanna do. I wanna do it with people that like are choosing me, who get it, who wanna put the extra energy or the effort into it, who believe in me.

Because we want people to believe in us. And so I'm having a hard time with that right now because I feel like I should have a certain amount of success, but there's also this idea that like, oh, not every actor thinks that she can sing. Why do actors have to come into the music business? And I'm like, ugh, like why not? Why can't people wanna do multiple things? Like we're not one thing.

Could you imagine? There's just no way anybody is one thing. And so even here you say like multi-talented, I'm like, oh, this is so creep. Like that is cringe for me. That makes me- Do you believe you are? What is talent?

You know what I mean? Like what is talent? Is it the ability to do something? What is talent? You know what I mean? Like, what is talent? Is it the ability to do something? Is that talent? Because I think talent has this connotation of like, not everybody can do it. And I don't know if that's necessarily true because like, is it just because it was cultivated? Was it a gift given to me? Is it?

Yeah, I'm really having like this weird, these weird questions about it. And one of my vocal coaches, like, she's like, what do you admire in Adele? And I'm like, oh my God, that she's like funny and that she's also like very deep and very sincere, but like sings about, she's like, yeah, you admire that because you have that.

And I'm like, huh? Mm-hmm. What? What are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. And she's like, huh? Mm hmm. What? What are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. And she's like, Chrissy, what? Like what you admire in other people, it's typically what you see in yourself, which

what is that concept? What the heck? And so I don't know. It's just I don't know why I feel so cringe about it. Do you have an issue with the word talent because you feel like it's judgmental and exclusive exclusionary? I think so. Maybe then a good definition is like talent is like channeling.

Okay. Right? Okay. Okay. Okay. You know what? Maybe that's a better thing. You know how like the best dancer in the dance for any party is not the most technically

trained. Sure. They're like the one who most fully commits. Yeah. Like full. Or makes you feel something. Yes. Makes you feel something like just fully like heart open, soul first first connected. Yeah, maybe that's a good definition of talent

Yeah, and I always say you do that when you sing when you write when you act. Do you feel that you do? I like to be present. So if I'm hopefully making somebody feel something then that makes me very happy I Don't want my ego involved in thinking like, cause the first time you guys, I literally woke up one day and I was like, I'm never gonna be Adele. I know, I know.

I was like, my friend was like, you don't want what, you're not Adele. Like Adele's not you and you're not Adele. I'm like, I know, but like, I'm never gonna be her. It was such a weird, I can't explain. And I was like, I don't need to be her. She's her and we get to have her and we get to celebrate her and love her.

But what is that about? Do I have a need to want to be the best? And why do I need that? I don't need that. Can I just share what I wanna share? And to your point, how do you measure the best? Right. Is it vocal quality? Right. Is it technique?

Feel? Yeah. Or is it what they connect to? Right. You can't measure it. Right. You can't measure that. And like the comparing despairing thing is just for the birds anyway. It doesn't make any sense. So, yeah, I just I do it and I remind myself I do it. Do whatever I want to do creatively, because I do it, do whatever I wanna do creatively,

cause I love it. Cause it's hard. You have to love something in order to continue with it, cause otherwise forget it. You give up because you're like, ah, it doesn't mean enough to me. So yeah, I mean, I'm just trying to do that and I always try to come from a place that I'm feeling

and I want it to be authentic and and yeah and I just love it. I love music so much. I love being creative. So I'm just trying to do that. If you imagined turning down the volume on all of your self doubt and your thoughts and like turning up the volume on your soul and your knowing, what would a one woman Kristi Metz show look like? Well, I think it would really be about the highs and lows and the in-between and like what in my life shaped me

to be the woman that I am. And humor, you know, a lot of humor, humor, you know, a lot of humor, a lot of just fun, but also like really heavy emotional stuff. And I mean, that's sort of the name of that's the nature of life. You know, is the duality of like, when something really exciting happens, something really difficult might happen. Like my mom was coming to be my date for the Emmys and she had a stroke the day before she was leaving.

And you're like, that is, I mean, that's life. Life on life's terms. And that is hard. But everybody can relate to it because we're not exempt from the hardships, but we're also not exempt from the joy. So I think it would just be like, yeah, all of that. That's what I want it to be.

So we'll see. Well, you talk about fun. I remember after I did a thousand live shows on QVC for eight years, I wore my hair the same every time. I remember not being able to wait to like change up my look when I left and all that. And when we were starting our conversation today, you had this great big smile. And I just noticed on your teeth. Okay, we've got to talk about this because this might be the coolest thing ever.

Oh, boy. Okay. So on your tooth, on your tooth, your second from the front. Can you explain this beautiful, bedazzling situation? Yes. So when I was a teenager, first of all, I wanted to do all sorts of things. I wanted to tattoo.

I wanted to shave the back of my head. I wanted all these cool things. In the 90s, there are all sorts of trends. And I really wanted a tooth gem. And my mom was like, absolutely not. No, no. And I mom was like, absolutely not. No, no. And I'm like, but why?

Will you explain a tooth gem for anyone who's watching? What is that? Are they listening and they don't know? Sure, so typically it's like a type of crystal. You can get a diamond if you'd like. This I think is like a type of crystal. It's just placed on whatever tooth you want with dental glue.

So it's not permanent. You don't like drill a hole in your teeth. It's not drilled into your teeth right now. No, no, no. It's absolutely removable. And typically they only last, I mean, they can last from varying times of a month or a year or whatever.

But it's just dental glue. It's like what you would put with for braces. Okay, got it. Just adhere to the tooth, not permanent. And so, when we were, I was doing the Today Show, and I literally looked like a school teacher walking into this really cool SoHo little shop. It's like a tattoo tooth gem shop.

And this really cool English girl was like, okay, right, so have you had a tooth gem before? And I was like, no. And she's like, right, okay. So, and I'm like, but what is gonna happen? Like I'm scared, whatever. And I just wanted it forever. And so she's like, it's so easy.

Just gonna apply it five seconds, whatever. I'm like, okay, great. And then of course my tour manager at the time makes fun of me because he thinks I look like Joe Pesci from Home Alone as the police officer. So whatever. Have I wanted a gold tooth before? Yes, Chris Stapleton has one.

He makes it look amazing. And I think Billie Eilish does. Although I'm like, you know, Chrissy, let's sort of, and I think I have to take it off because I'm doing a film in February in the UK. But yeah, I've just, I've always wanted it. And because it's not permanent, it feels fun. Can I see?

Yeah. It's so cool. It's like bling. Yeah, so people are like, you have a, oh, what is that? What is that? Let me see again, let me see. I literally was just telling my sister like, maybe I take it off now.

And she's like, no, why? I love it. It's so pretty. Well, it literally looks like a diamond on your tooth. Yeah. And they have like different, you can do gold, you can do like shapes, you can do different cuts of an actual, I decided to do, and there's different varying sizes.

Okay. And some people have them like on multiple teeth, but I was like, I just want like a little accent. Like, I don't know. So yeah, I just, because I was Kate Pearson for six years, I was like, I'm gonna get my nose pierced. I'm gonna get tooth gem. I'm gonna grow my hair out.

I'm gonna change it this color, like just options. All the stuff out right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, why not? And because I wasn't committed to any role, I could do that, so. Yeah, yeah, I love it. Did you do anything else, like wild? Just grow your hair out?

No, I mean, I got my nose pierced again. I got it, I had it done when I was young. But no, nothing crazy. Yeah, yeah. No, nothing, I don't think too crazy. Do you smile more with your tooth gem? I certainly don't have a problem showing it. Yes. That's for sure.

But it's very funny when people are like, is that, every time I'll do like a picture, they're like, what is, is it food? I'm like, no, it's my tooth gem. It's my tooth gem. Exactly. I'm like, you know, you put an earring in your ear. Yeah.

So I just put one on my tooth. And it's so cool that it's like, you can actually just take it off when you want. Yeah. Do you have to get it removed at the dentist? Sure, I mean, you can. Or at the tooth gem store. Yeah, you can, you can, it's just, you know. Yeah, how many tattoos do you have to get it removed at the dentist? Sure. I mean, yeah, you can.

It's just, you know. Yeah. How many tattoos do you have? Just three. Three. Yeah. I got this one with my sisters. So like one of each, like for each of us, XOXO. And then I have a little anchor that was, ironically, my dad and my brother were in the Navy. But it's really about like, the symbolism of like of no matter what, like you're anchored in who you are, no matter how rough the seas get, it's just sort of that. And then I have a treble clef, bass clef, like in the shape of a heart on my ankle for music.

Do you think you'll get more? I don't know. It's funny, because they're painful. People who say they aren't are lying. They're like, oh, it's relaxing. I'm like What this little baby thing I was like, okay. Okay. Okay. I don't think I could do this and my sister She actually got one like a tribute to my stepfather on her arm And I'm like how I don't get like how and then I have friends who of them everywhere but um

Yeah, I don't know. I think I do want actually I do think I want one that I just don't know when I do actually yeah, that's probably the last one. I'll get what is it? It's gonna be Well, I don't know where I'm gonna put it but um Love is the answer. Because I feel like that is always the answer for me. Love is the way or love is the answer. I think maybe love is the way. But as I think if we all came from that, like we'd all be taken care of, you know, that all would be good.

So, yeah, we'll see. I'll keep you posted. So, OK, so you say paving the road for other women and men who know they're destined for greatness, but they don't believe it yet. Yeah. Is something that you're called to do. Yeah. Can you can you share a bit about that? Yeah, so so many people are going to be listening right now, Christy. They're going to be listening to you listening to me and uh, they don't know how to believe they have greatness inside of them.

I know. They're destined for it. Well, I mean, I believe that like if the miracle to be born, the things that have to come together for a person to make it onto the earth is like so miraculous. I can't wrap my head around it. So certainly you're called to this plane of existence for a purpose, like you're purposeful just being born. And I also feel like even if you never accomplish anything, like that's enough, like you're enough.

But if you'd like to, and you're purposeful, then you're deserving of chasing that. And that if one person can do it, and we're all equal, then why couldn't somebody else do it and why can't somebody else pursue it? And again, my life doesn't make sense. So if I can inspire people to know that, like, if it didn't make sense for me, just just say, OK, doesn't make sense for you either. But it's going to happen. And it can happen. And I do believe that like what we give our attention to is what we create, good and bad.

And why not make it positive? Why not pursue what you want and what you love and you're worthy of it? Like you really, really are. Like I know that you know that, but I think we sometimes need to be reminded and sometimes we do need people to believe in ourselves before we can believe in us before we believe in ourselves. And I know I didn't, certainly,

and I think that was my grandmother, but there's somebody that will, there's somebody that does, even if we don't even know them. Yeah, I just, like you you are you are worthy of it. You are deserving of it. Really, really, really, I really just strongly believe that. And it took me a long time to because as you know, my story and not that I don't doubt that and have questions, but like, go back to how purposeful you are, because you're here.

It's not for naught. It can't be, like it just can't be. And because we are here for, I think, each other as well, like when you get to be of service, it's so fulfilling, it's so rewarding. So for me, I'd love to like, aspire other writers, or musicians, or actors, and just be supportive of their journeys. Like I'd love to have a production company at some point, maybe even a music

label or a record label of sorts, just because I love talent so much. I love people. I love, let's not say talent, the ability to channel. I love that, you know, people pursuing what their passions are. So I'd like to to do that for sure. For people. You need to talk about purpose and I think it's like so many people look for their purpose in, you know, something inside their job or this or that and I have found for so many people it's like it's like when we use the things we've made it through to help someone else make it through, we find this deep sense of purpose, right? And I'm thinking about even just the millions of people

that you help make it through their stuff because you're able to play this role based on a lot of things you've gone through in your life. You're able to understand how a character might feel who doesn't feel enough or doesn't feel chosen or has different, you know, and then people are now healing through you. And it's like, you're helping other people make it through.

And now I'm hearing you even talk about the experience of parting with your label and now maybe starting your own because you love talent. Like it's just such a beautiful evolution. And I think it's so, I used to, you know, I did, you know, I were talking about this earlier off camera that a lot of people don't even know this at this point in my life,

but I was in the first season of Big Brother and which was on CBS prime time, six nights a week. It was wild. I remember getting off that show. I remember moving to LA. By the way, I was the worst actor you will I thought, Oh, let me try to act for a minute. The worst. No, I'm not even kidding. This will make you laugh. I don't know if I've ever shared this story. I thought I want I'll try acting. I was like 21. And so I made a lot of friends in LA lived lived with different actors, some of them were on big big shows at the time and I'm going to

audition after audition after audition never getting a callback never getting a callback and this was this moment in time where reality TV was like brand new so all these big Hollywood agents wanted to rep every reality star because it's the very beginning they didn't know what was gonna happen. Chrissy I was so bad This is how bad I was. Yeah, I'm the worst actor in the world. So no joke. You know how they send down casting breakdowns to agencies, which is like, you know, you

know, so and so has a commercial, they want this type of a character, etc., etc. After me getting rejection after rejection after rejection for so long acting. And you know when you're bad, like you're just, what I couldn't do was feel in flow and channel, for whatever reason I could not. And I was just trying so hard to do something that just wasn't meant for me. And finally, I felt like my agents are going to give up on me, right? This is a true story. Finally, a casting thing got sent down that AT&T was doing a commercial and the character, the

character description was, like Jamie from Big Brother. That was the description. And so my agents are like, yes! They send me out on it. I go out to audition for it. I don't get a callback past the first round to play someone who they thought I was. That is how bad of an actor I was. So that was not destined for me. But that's how bad I was. So I never did that.

I never acted again after that first year in LA. But what I wanted to ask you or bring up rather was in that experience, I remember this. I remember being around some of my friends at the time who had been on big shows. And I remember they had a similar experience that I had because I just walked off a Big Brother having been on CBS primetime six nights a week for three months. And, you know, I hadn't earned any fame certainly, but all of a sudden I was getting this 15 minutes of fame, so everyone's coming up to me. And the question they asked me over and over was the same question that people asked my

friends who were on different shows at the time. Well, what are you doing now? What are you doing now? Every single day to the point where I felt like I had to have some kind of answer. I know. Right? And it became, what are you doing now? Became like my least favorite question of all time ever. some kind of answer. I know. Right? And it became, what are you doing now,

became like my least favorite question of all time ever. And what's wild is because I watched how it impacted. For me, I was brand new to this experience. But I watched my friends who, many of them had been actors for a decade or two. And I watched when every time they got asked this question, it was as if who they were wasn't enough, that they needed to have some kind of answer

of something they're doing now, or something they're doing next. And I just watched it and it felt like it just chipped away over and over and over. And for me having gone through it, having done this show and then being so terrible at acting and having people come up to me, what are you doing now? And I'm like, I'm auditioning.

Like, what are you doing? I'm auditioning. And over and over and over. And it helped me kind of realize this lesson that, oh my gosh, in our society, we're kind of taught to be human doings and feel like we have to be doing something or have an answer to what we're doing versus actually learning how to be. And therefore we perpetually,

when we're only focused on doing, we perpetually feel like it's never enough. Because even if we're doing, like right now I'm launching my book Worthy and in live interviews I get asked, well, what's next? What are you doing next? I'm like, I Worthy and in live interviews, I get asked, well, what's next? What are you doing next? I'm like, I haven't even launched this now.

It's like people's favorite question. And so now I will never ever, ever ask it because what I've learned is, and I spent like two decades just overachieving and trying to fill that, get a great answer to that question because I thought that's what would make me happy only to realize it doesn't.

And it's all about the things you and I have been talking about this whole episode of learning to be, learning to love yourself so that you can have like depth of love with others, learning to feel enough yourself so that when you sing on at the Grand Old Opry or you have a hit TV show or whatever that version of your goal is in your life, it's only when you're able to love yourself

do you actually feel enough when you're experiencing all these awesome things you're going after. That's the thing. Never like, what are you doing next? But like, how are you? You know what I mean? How are you doing next? But like, how are you? You know what I mean? How are you? So I just want to say thank you so much to you for sharing how you are.

How you are. Because we all know all the things you do all day long. And a lot of people maybe celebrate you for that, because that's what they're trying to strive for in their own life, because they haven't yet learned, oh, wait, the real victory is just as I am right now, fully enough, which to your point, you are,

I am, everyone listening is. Yes. So beautiful, so powerful. Thank you. Oh no, thank you. Thank you so much, Chrissy. Thank you for having me. It's been emotional and fun and just good to see you.

Well, every person who comes on the Jamie Kernley Michelle gets a special gift, every person. And I have one for you. So this is for you. Okay. Oh cute. So we have matching, so we match, so we match. So would you write on mine and I'll write on yours.

Of course. Okay, let me take this. Yes. Oh my God, this is cute. I just started wearing these longer Spanx by the way and now they're showing under here. I gotta like hike them up a little bit. Yeah. When you walked in in sneakers and a dress. And I'm sitting here in sneakers and a dress. I got so happy. It's just the best. It's the best right? Like you know, we like the best of both worlds. It's just like the best. I love when you sing. I learned that from friends of mine that are singers and artists etc.

I've learned now don't just ask anyone on the spot. So I held back. I held back. You have the most beautiful voice by the way, and I love that you just you just sang so now I feel like okay Okay, Chrissy Mutt's officially sang. Chrissy Mutt sang on the show. I wrote two different messages. I wrote you are loved And you are worthy. Oh Thank you. That's funny cuz I put you are a stunning inspiration. Oh Yeah, that's funny. You are a stunning inspiration. Oh, oh. Yeah, that's funny. You are a stunning inspiration.

Yeah, aw. Thank you. What a cute little thing I got. I hope you love them. Mostly a reminder of something that's very important. So thank you. That's very sweet. Thank you for being here.

Oh no, thank you. I feel like we just hung out, but there are people in their living room. I know, that's how I feel too. I'm like, well, everybody knows everything about me now. Whew! Thank you so much for joining me today. And before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy

of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each episode of the Jamie Curren Lima Show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are and heal where you need and blossom what you choose and journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are love, and I love you and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. If you love this episode, you want to make sure to subscribe, click on the notifications so you'll be the first to get the very next episode.

In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness,

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and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernlema.com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below. If this episode impacted you and you want more, click here. you