The Jamie Kern Lima Show - Four Words That Will Change Your Life + Remembering Today To Truly Live! Pt 2 with Nicole Avant!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Music has actually saved my life many, many times. When I've been at my lowest different points in my life for various reasons, music gets me out of a strange mood, a sad mood. I get very emotional when I listen to certain types of music, which is good because it lets it all out. My dad's book title is, you're fucking welcome. He hears people, this new culture saying there's been no progress, there's been no progress in America,

Starting point is 00:00:27 and there's, my father is like, you have got to. to be kidding me. Yes. This is offensive to me. Are you kidding me? He said the last 60 years, what do you think we were doing for all of you to have what you have? People died for you to vote. People died for you to be able to buy a home. People died for you and struggled for you. People dreamed a vision for you that they knew that they wouldn't even be alive to see. You owe them a thank you. And so I always tell people, I try to live my thank you. That is, I live my thank you. That is, live my thank you. I want to live my thank you. I want it, you know, I want my life to be a thank you. And so the idea that there's no progress, my dad was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Do not,

Starting point is 00:01:11 do not accept that. He goes, because that is saying that I didn't do anything. That is saying that my generation didn't do anything for you, and that is a lie. There were parts of your book that I was like, sitting up straight or reading, I was like, okay, Nicole, okay Nicole. There's a of women like we're all warrior goddesses we're all warrior goddesses and I look at have these women saying that I go and none of you will even go into battle you can't call yourself a warrior goddess you haven't been in battle what are you talking about that prayer has changed my life all the time actually this or something better even in the worst of times best of times and the worst of times it never fails today I asked the divine

Starting point is 00:01:56 I said, please speak through me and behave through me during this podcast. And I surrender unto you. And I asked for divine intelligence, divine grace, and divine love to guide me and direct me and protect me today, but work through us today during our conversation. And I notice that every time I do that and every day I do want to be covered with divine order because I might think in my human mind, this is going to be the best thing for me, for my family, for my work or whatever. And I still will put the intention out, always. But I always will end with thy will be done this or something even better. Ambassador Avant is an

Starting point is 00:02:44 award-winning producer, including of the Academy Award-nominated film 6-3-8, entrepreneur, philanthropist, former U.S. ambassador to the Bahamas, an author of the best-selling book, Think You'll Be Happy, a spirit-lifting memoir on how to turn pain into purpose, how to live with gratitude, and how to face down tragedy,

Starting point is 00:03:05 and turn it into love. She and her husband, co-CEO of Netflix, Ted Sarandos, live in Los Angeles, and our impact and work has touched people all around the globe. Nicole Yvant was raised

Starting point is 00:03:18 surrounded by some of the most extraordinary legends of our time, and her parents, entertainment mogul, the Black Godfather, Clarence Avant, and legendary philanthropist Jacqueline Avant, turned their home into a place of refuge and inspiration for a generation of notable icons and culture-shifting artists. In December 2021, an unthinkable tragedy struck. Her mother, Jacqueline, was fatally shot by a home intruder. And her incredible memoir, Think You'll Be Happy, Nicole turns the pain. of her family's loss into the fuel that pushes her forward.

Starting point is 00:03:55 Think You'll be happy. Her mom's last words to Nicole provides a roadmap for anyone working to remain positive and anchored in hope. And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kernelima Show podcast family. And for everyone part of this right now, can you do me a big favor if you like the show and you like the guests that I bring you, please hit the subscribe or follow button

Starting point is 00:04:24 on the app that you're listening or watching on. It truly means the world to me, and thank you. And I just want to remind you this episode, it's not just for you and me. Please share it with every single person that you know because what you're about to hear will change your life and theirs. Welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima show.

Starting point is 00:04:44 Oprah, how have you defied the odds? Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, wow. Melinda French Gates. When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her.

Starting point is 00:05:07 I could see the light around her. She's infused with light. Imagine overcoming self-doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself. and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima show. Jamie Kern-Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kurn-Lima in their life.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Jamie Kern-Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern-Lima. Music is what brought us back together because music has actually saved my life many, many times. I mean, when I've been at my lowest, different points in my life for various reasons, music gets me out of a strange mood, a sad mood.

Starting point is 00:05:52 Music makes me think. It makes me feel a different way. I get very emotional when I listen to certain types of music, which is good because it lets it all out. And with my father, having him come live with us, I would start playing. My healing process for him was putting on his favorite music, knowing the vibration of music.

Starting point is 00:06:16 So I'd play a lot of Duke Ellington, a lot of Frank Sinatra. He knew Frank Sinatra personally, Sammy Davis Jr., all his friends who happened to be big, famous musicians. Quincy Jones, who's his best friend, I'd put on every Quincy Jones album, Frank Sinatra, Duke Allenton, like I said, Louis Armstrong. And then one day he looked at me and goes, oh, God, all you did was want to go to Tower Records, and all you did was want to buy albums. And so we would talk about it, and I found a playlist on Spotify. It was like 1976, like top 100. And I started playing that at dinner with my dad next to me. I said, oh, I used to listen to this when I went to camp.

Starting point is 00:06:55 And then you and mom sent me to sleepaway camp, and I thought I was going to have no friends. And then it was Paul McCartney in Wings and then this song. And then he got to know me. He had forgotten all. He didn't know any of this about me when I was a child. My mom knew these things, but my dad was working. He could care less.

Starting point is 00:07:12 And all of a sudden, he's like, huh, how do you remember all? these songs. I go, I could tell you, just like I said earlier, I go, I could tell you who I had a crush on. I can tell you where I was going to camp. I was tell you, I could tell you I had dolphin shorts and Adidas and this and that and members only jacket. And it was healing for him to see the child in me become alive again. Yes. And so we really healed through music together. We, every night, I'm telling you, Jamie, I would see it. His, his vibration, his energy. some nights would go down, he'd come down the stairs, sad or, you know, little confused, you know. And if I turn on Frank Sinatra's greatest hits, boom.

Starting point is 00:07:56 He was taking, he was transported to a different time and his feet would start moving under the table. And so I realized, okay, this is a good thing for healing. This is what I'm going to do. Music works for him. Great. Old movies started working for us, movies that my mother loved. And we watched Audrey Hepburn all the time. We watched Catherine Hepburn all the time.

Starting point is 00:08:15 We worked Dorothy Dandridge, Sidney Portier, we would just watch the things that reminded him of a life that he loved with my mom. And so it was really healing. Yeah. Well, and he passed as you were, were you finishing the book? I was finishing the book and he was on me, Jimmy, every single day. When are you going to finish that book? When are you going to finish the book? I said, Dad, you know, and remember, I've said this many times, I did not want to, I was writing the book.

Starting point is 00:08:45 before my mom passed. And then when she passed, I thought, okay, well, what now what am I going to write about? How am I doing this? And I always just, it was great because again, I have this wizard. I always called my dad, this wizard, this man who lived so long. I said, I'm not writing the book. I'll write it next year. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to put this aside. I'm going to put the movie aside. I'm doing nothing. And he said, Nicole, life doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. So you need to not let this person who took your mom's life. You cannot give him so much power that he's going to take your life away and take your energy away and take your life force away to not want to live. I get that you don't want to live, but you

Starting point is 00:09:27 have to make a decision that you're going to live. Even through the moments that you don't want to. You have to find the strength that I'm going to help you. And so his version of help was nagging me every day. Write the book. Write about Jackie. So powerful what you just said. You can't give this guy that took your mom's life, your life. Nope. He was like that. He said that. He goes, you never give your life force to anyone.

Starting point is 00:09:52 I don't care. He's like, do not give your life force away. When you give your life force away, you die. Nicole, I just think about the person right now who's like been given their life to that person that broke their heart. Or giving that life to that friend that does not deserve. Right? That's right. And we're giving it.

Starting point is 00:10:08 It's like they did the thing. and then it's like what are they taking what do they continue to take yeah and exhausting and draining and using you by the way it's abuse it is abuse and people have to really recognize when to call things abuse you know it's just and so for me once my dad said that I was like oh you're right he said I'm not saying you got a power through it we'll take it one day at a time and he was so cute he's like I'm here I don't know how long I'm going to be here with you he goes but I'm here So you can lean on me and you could ask me questions and, you know, but I would read certain things out loud to him and he'd say, oh, well, I like that. And then I'd say, I don't know if I should put this in. Maybe he's like, no, put that in. And his point was you want people to heal. You want people to get knowledge from the book. You want to inspire people, but you also want to empower people. And the only way, the best way in his mind was be as honest as possible, Nicole. He always say, what do you have to lose? Just be honest. You don't need to. You don't need to. to go out there and say, I'm the perfect daughter, or I did this perfectly.

Starting point is 00:11:13 He goes, show your mess. Because if you show your mess and you own it, it's going to teach other people. And you've learned in your life by learning through other people's messes. And we mentioned Oprah earlier. She couldn't have been more transparent to the world about things she had learned, about things that, wow, I learned this, this healed my soul. I would like to share this with you. And I think anybody who does that, it's so important that we,

Starting point is 00:11:39 remember that it's to you said it earlier it's more sharing stories yeah for that reason yes your dad's book title my dad's book title is you're fucking welcome because he hated when you know can you can imagine somebody born in in 1931 and then gets to 23 and he hears people this new culture saying there's been no progress. There's been no progress in America. And there's, my father is like, you have got to be kidding me. Yes. This is offensive to me. Are you kidding me? And he'd look on the news. He's like, she's on the news because I'm the one who fought for her to be on that in that news station. What is she talking about? You know, he said, Nicole, the last 60 years, what do you think we were doing? What do you think we were doing for all of you to have what you have? People died for you to vote.

Starting point is 00:12:36 people died for you to be able to buy a home people died for you and struggled for you and were uncomfortable for you and people dreamed a vision for you that they knew that they wouldn't even be alive to see so he said and you know what you owe them a thank you and so i always tell people i try to live my thank you that is i live my thank you i want to live my thank you i i want it you know I want my life to be a thank you to my parents, to my grandparents, to all of my ancestors, to everybody of every color in the world who said yes to goodness, yes to fairness, yes to righteousness. And so the idea that there's no progress, my dad was like, oh, no, no, no, no, do not, do not accept that.

Starting point is 00:13:24 He goes, because that is saying that I didn't do anything. That is saying that my generation didn't do anything for you, and that is a lie. This was, again, there's so many parts of this book. I could ask you for days about things in this book. But I want to touch on that because that really hit me. Because we're at this moment where I think collectively a lot of people have sort of like, again, when we talk about stories that we decide to tell or meanings we assign to things or our imagination as your mom would use and kind of like how we see things.

Starting point is 00:14:08 There really is sort of this collective worry of, you know, are we in a worse spot now than we used to be? Is our nation in a worse spot now than it used to be? Have we not made any progress? Are we taking huge steps backwards? And there's this sort of, you know, collective maybe pessimism with a lot of people. and victim mentality of things. And there were parts of your book that I was like sitting up straighter reading.

Starting point is 00:14:40 I was like, okay, Nicole, okay, Nicole, will you talk about your thoughts about that? Because this is so powerful. I mean, okay. Well, I think that the idea of being victorious for me and living a victorious life is always my intention. And a victorious life does not mean a life that's easy. If you have victory, that means that you had to have a lot of battles. You know, there's a lot of women like, we're all warrior goddesses. We're all warrior goddesses.

Starting point is 00:15:10 And I look at half of these women saying that I go, and none of you will even go into battle. You can't call yourself a warrior goddess. You haven't even been in battle. What are you talking about? You want everything, again, straight line. You want everything in technical, you want everything to be pretty. It doesn't work like that. That means, you know, it's like my grandmother that always used to say.

Starting point is 00:15:27 Everybody wants the testimony. They don't want the test. They don't want to take. the test it's it's you have a testimony and you're able to say oh my gosh god was so good life is so good the divine so good the universe is so good you get there through going through the hard things and then when you get to the other side of it yeah you can then have a testimony and you know this idea of choosing up and starting your day off thinking that, you know, I always tell people have a perspective on the world, first of all, and really think about the things that you have

Starting point is 00:16:06 right now. The idea that you want to live in utopia, well, it doesn't even, again, it's a mindset. Everybody wants equality, I understand that, freedom, all these things. I think, again, going back to your first question about world history and why, loved the history of the world is when you look at just right now in the world, there are women that are not allowed to be educated. There are women who are not allowed to drive. There are women who are not allowed to own a home. There are women who literally have laws saying absolutely no. For me, I could either, you know, of course, you do what you can. You work with organizations that are trying to change these things.

Starting point is 00:16:50 But I wake up every day as an American and I say, I am so grateful for everybody who came before me to make sure that I have what I need to have to live, but also to move forward, to live life, to, I don't take my freedom lightly at all. I don't take my freedom for granted. I don't take the idea that I have the right to be educated,

Starting point is 00:17:13 the right to work hard and be successful, or the right not. to do anything, by the way, it's another thing. You know, you could sit in this country and do nothing. You know what I mean? And people don't even realize that's a part of it. I mean, I wouldn't choose that, but the idea that you even have that of, and then we need to pause for a super brief break. And while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire because this information can truly change your life and theirs.

Starting point is 00:17:48 In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results,

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Starting point is 00:18:54 Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at Worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do if you fully believed in

Starting point is 00:19:14 you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlema.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox,

Starting point is 00:20:10 I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com. or in the link in the show notes. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I,

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Starting point is 00:21:33 at jamiekernlima.com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below. And now more of this incredible conversation together. You could sit in this country and do nothing. You know what I mean? And people don't even realize that's a part of it. I mean, I wouldn't choose that. But the idea that you even have that of. And then so for me, I just think it's a, it's a, it's a,

Starting point is 00:21:59 the way to honor people of the past and people who came before me, especially my ancestors, is to live a very full thankful life. And to make the best out of what I have. and what they didn't have because they didn't have a lot and yet they still chose to live they still chose to give me life they still chose to show up and this whole idea of this collective victimization and you know I mean now we're in a state where you know I've seen it and I'm sure you've seen it but I you know it can be standing in line at a restaurant or something

Starting point is 00:22:40 and somebody doesn't get their order right you think that the whole world's going to fall apart. I mean, it's tragic to see. But again, it's being disconnected from the truth, being disconnected, I think, from other people's sacrifices. And when you're disconnected and unaware of other people's sacrifices, this is what happens. And we have to stop that. Because it's not going to help our nation. And is our nation perfect? Now, I would like to know which one is. I haven't seen one and if someone can show me one great but i haven't seen one but we're pretty good and i know we have things to change and i know things you know no one gets it all right and all i understand that however the idea i'm never going to fall into the position or thought pattern of

Starting point is 00:23:30 everything's a tragedy nothing has gotten better there's absolutely been no progress it's not true and it's just so again hurtful it hurts my spirit even saying those words right now out loud. It really just bothered me because I just thought of my grandmother right now. I could feel her right here. And she did so much and went through so much for me, for example, for the right to vote. I don't care, Jamie, if I don't like anybody on the ballot. I go and I vote, even if it's one person, I'm like, I'll check this box, even if it's one. But I do it in honor of my grandmother. I do it in honor of my aunties who fought for me to have the right to vote to the point where, you know, there was a brick thrown at my auntie for marching for me to be able to have

Starting point is 00:24:16 the right to vote. And I'll never forget, she said, my face was so swollen, things were thrown at me. And she goes, and I felt it was a rock. She goes, it was a brick. And it hit the side of her face. And she said, and here we are. And she goes, and we're in this neighborhood and there's, the only black people marching the street and everyone else is white. She said, but then this wonderful woman, she said, she had blonde hair and blue eyes ran out of her house. And she said, and she had seen what happened to me. And she said, and she brought a frozen piece of meat out of her freezer. And she said, sweetheart, sweetheart, just put this on the side of your face and tilt it this way. But she looked at my auntie. She said, well, now I know what I'm getting up to do

Starting point is 00:24:56 tomorrow. And basically, she's like, I needed to almost see this to really realize this is real and this is unjust and this is not right. You know, what are we doing? So that moment became a lightbulb moment for somebody else. Yes. You know, and so when I, I'm so grateful that my family shared stories with me. I'm so grateful that my mother, you know, she had, I talk about it in the book where she had the great wall in her house. And it was paying homage to so many people who came before me and also knowing you are not

Starting point is 00:25:30 a victim. These people, all these people on this wall, they had no freedoms, no nothing. And they're the best scientists, they're the best doctors, that the best lawyers, that the best entrepreneurs. You have Harriet Tubman who not only did the underground railroad, but she also was a spy and helped us win the war. And she would go into all these people and, you know, and name everybody and say, you need to go out of our house knowing the shoulders that you stand on and be grateful and show up in the world as that person. I'm not waiting for the school to tell you anything. I'm going to tell you where you're from. And I'm going to have encyclopedias and books and

Starting point is 00:26:08 letters and photos or what have you, but I think that is what's happening is when you do not honor the sacrifices of other people and think that everything is just owed to you and you just wake up every day. Remember, our grandparents, nobody had, the fact that we have running water and you can turn on your water and it turns hot. My dad, my dad didn't even understand the coffee machine when he came to live with us. He was looking at the coffee machine and he was pushing the button and I go, dad, you push the button. He goes, wait, what? You put the pod in and it goes in here. and you close it and you push the button. He said, unbelievable is modern technology.

Starting point is 00:26:45 But for him, he's like, Nicole, we didn't even have, I didn't have indoor plumbing. He goes, I didn't have heat. I didn't have anything. He goes, yes, of course, I grew up with it later. But for him, he was like, you have to know where everybody needs to remember where they come from. And that we all did this for you. And the idea that it wasn't that long ago, you and your husband couldn't have been married. Could not have been married.

Starting point is 00:27:08 and again that is in our lifetime 60 years ago I mean you know so it's it's a again I think people just need to reconnect and I think that's why history is so important you know when I was reading this part of your book I and what you just shared I think is one of the most profound things I've ever heard like literally one of the most profound things I've ever heard because it's so easy for all of us whether we're in our 60s or 20s or 30s or 40s to be like, oh, the country is this. No matter how you feel politically, I feel like it doesn't even matter. There's this collective like, oh, this, oh, we haven't made progress. This is, oh, our country sucks.

Starting point is 00:27:51 Oh, da, da, da, da. Like, there's just such a, and there's almost an addiction to problems that a lot of people have. Right. There's significance from problems. What you just said is one of the most profound things I've ever heard. Because for me, it's also just a way to be like, oh, get back. into that place of truth and gratitude, which you said, a disconnect from other people's sacrifice.

Starting point is 00:28:16 Yeah. That is one of the most profound things I have ever heard. And I feel like, okay, next time I am watching the news and feeling like, you know, all hell's breaking, whatever I'm feeling, I feel like just reminding myself of that because I know that is true in my body, my soul, my spirit in my mind. That is true. When we reconnect with other people's sacrifice to have what we have, for our country to look the way it does, for our rights, for our freedoms, for our everything, right? For the ability to do nothing. For the ability to do nothing. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Disconnected from other people's sacrifice,

Starting point is 00:29:00 which is why your dad's book title, you're fucking welcome. You're fucking welcome. You're fucking welcome. him basically sums that up. I'm going to write the book. I actually am just going to write the book. I have all his plans. I am. I think there's a movie that goes with that. But like that sums it up because it's like, oh yeah, you're right.

Starting point is 00:29:18 You're right. We can't be. And you don't want to wake up that way. I literally just said to Ted the other day because he was starting to get in the wakes up. First thing he's looking at his phone. And I said to him, you're waking up. And as soon as you open your email or anything, before you say thank you for the day, before you take a shower, you're literally letting 8 billion people and their energy and their

Starting point is 00:29:40 nonsense into your brain. And then that changes your energy and your vibration for the day. I don't even look at my phone now. I'm like, whatever. I'm grateful to be alive. Thank you that I have a roof over my head. Thank you that I have a family. Thank you that I have friends. I have a car. There's so many things that I focus on what I have and what I can do versus not. And of course, I want things to be, it's like the movie the Six Triple Eight that I made. There was nothing, the reason we love telling the story, there was nothing fair, right, or just for these women at that time. Nothing. Country didn't love them. No one cared. They didn't stop Jamie for one second and say, I'm not going to be excellent. I'm not going to be great because, you know, no one's appreciating

Starting point is 00:30:28 me anyway. No, they were the opposite and they knew their greatness and they appreciated their life force. And I love that they decided to be patriotic, fight for their country, love their country, help win the war. And with knowing that we're probably not going to get any accolades and we're not going to get a thank you, but they lived and they did the right thing and they did a significant thing. And that's why we gave them their flowers. That's why we are going to make this movie. and again it's living my thank you that's what i that's why i do what i do it's why i make the movies that i make because i just i want to say thank you to so many people for showing up for me to be able to live the life that i have i do not take one second for granted not one

Starting point is 00:31:21 your book is in so many ways i thank you also to everyone who reads it like you just i feel like it's one of those books where your life shifts in so many ways. And then you see things where you're like, oh, wow, I have the power to shift my life or I have the power to shift my perspective. I have the power to do that. I want to, is the last question that I want to ask you today. That's not true. There's a hundred more. And I literally, I don't think I've looked at, I think, I'm like, all right. So we've got to one of the questions on my gosh. Because you say every day that you pray things are in divine order that you ask. for divine intelligence and divine grace.

Starting point is 00:32:03 Can you share that prayer with us? Because I think a lot of people are going to hear those three things and start and they're going to write them down and that that will now become their prayer every day, what that means for you. I mean, for me, every, well, it's so funny, today was interesting you asked that because today I asked the divine, I said, please speak through me and behave through me during this podcast. and I surrender unto you and I ask for divine intelligence, divine grace and divine love to guide me

Starting point is 00:32:36 and direct me and protect me today, but work through us today during our conversation. And I notice that every time I do that and every day I do want to be covered with divine order because I might think in my human mind this is going to be the best thing for me, for my family, for my work or whatever and I still will put the intention out always but I always will end with thy will be done this or something even better because sometimes we miss things you know if we only want it our way and it's so rigid and it's just in our little box and it has to happen this way and the whole universe is thinking you just we see everything we're the GPS you don't even know what's around the corner and you're saying it has to be on

Starting point is 00:33:25 lane A, but on lane C, the gift is there, but you think it's Highway A, but it's on C, but it's okay if you, if you're preparing for Lane A or Highway A, but if you give it up and say, this or something even better, it opens up for you to end up on C. That's what I've noticed. So that's why I bring that prayer into my life every day of, I want divine love to rule my heart. I want divine wisdom to rule my mind. I want divine love to rule my body, to rule my energy. I always call it in though. And I notice when I don't, and I, oh, I mean, it might be because I'm too rushed in the morning. Oh, I have a Zoom call at 6 a.m. Oh, I have this. It takes two seconds of just calling in the divine. Just I'm grateful for today. Thank you for today. Let's do this

Starting point is 00:34:17 together today. And it makes such a huge difference. Even if I have to have a hard conversation with somebody. I always ask the divine to prepare the other person's heart for what I need to express. And I pray that there's divine understanding. Doesn't mean that there's divine agreement. Does it mean, but there's an understanding and a respect. And I've just noticed that it's such an easy prayer and an important prayer because then I do believe we are co-creators. So I do believe we co-create with the universe. And that is why our words, and our thoughts and our actions and our behaviors, all of a sudden, it does become your life

Starting point is 00:34:58 because most of the time the universe is like, okay. So if you believe you're great, great, you are. And if you don't, okay, does not bias. It doesn't, it's, it's, you have to, that's why your book. I mean, just the believing you're worth. It doesn't matter if everybody believes something about you, if you don't believe it. It doesn't matter.

Starting point is 00:35:20 So we get to choose. My parents taught me the greatest lesson was own your individuality. There's only one, Nicole, there's only one, Jamie. It's like, there's not, there's no one else. That's why your fingerprints work. That's what my mom used to say, why do you think your fingerprints work? Because no one else has your fingerprint. No one else has the DNA.

Starting point is 00:35:44 So own it. This or something better. This or something better. That is such a powerful addition to every prayer or to every manifestation. This or something better. This or something even better. I remember before I met Ted. That opens a space for the divine to give us.

Starting point is 00:36:05 It opens up everything. I remember I said about Teddy right before he came into my life. I remember I shifted the prayer and I said because I was saying, oh, I'd love a relationship. This is this. And then I finally said, okay. I know I definitely want my equal or even higher, but I am not going down. I am no longer going down to this. I'm not trying to fix this type of thing.

Starting point is 00:36:29 I'm not trying to get to this energy anymore. I have learned the lessons. I am done, but I'd love my equal or someone higher, this or something better. And I wrote every single thing out, every characteristic, everything. And I placed it in my Bible and it's still there 15 years later. and the paper is all worn, but I have it, and it's beautiful. And Ted is, it's everything. I was very specific.

Starting point is 00:36:54 How did you to meet? Oh, Lord. We met through a mutual friend, and I was working at, we met when president, well, he was Senator Obama, and he just got the nomination to be president. And Ted showed up at an event, and he was late. And everyone kept saying, we're waiting for Ted Sarandos. I said, who? Ted Sarandos.

Starting point is 00:37:15 I go, who is that? Ted Sarando's. I don't know who he is. And everyone said, oh, he's from Netflix. I go, I don't care. I'm a Blockbuster girl. I remember saying that I go, I don't care. I like to go to Blockbuster. Forget Ted. He doesn't get the photo because he was so late. And then he walked in Jamie and he was so kind and so humble. He said, hi, I'm Ted. I go, oh, Sarandos. I was like, do you want your photo? Hold on. And I remember running up to the senator. I said, can you please just, does Ted Sarandos take a picture? And I looked at him, I go, you're late and you're ruining my event. And he was just, who is this?

Starting point is 00:37:50 And we went out the next week and we were married less than a year later. Wow. It was just, but, you know, I had really prayed for him. And I had done the work on myself. So I knew what I was, I knew my worth and I knew what was good for my energy. And it didn't matter if somebody made sense on paper. Yeah. I tested my soul every time after Ted would leave my space of, yeah, didn't take me down.

Starting point is 00:38:27 Didn't take me down. It was either he was right here or we're going here. Did you guys know right away? Did you feel like you knew right away, like that day? I knew that he was going to be a very important person in my life. I was hoping that there would be something. I was like, oh, I think this is, I think this is going to be a very serious relationship. This is my guy.

Starting point is 00:38:45 And I knew even if it wasn't. And I knew I really loved him because I said a prayer for him saying, if it's not me, please send him someone really great because he's a really great man. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Did he know right away? Yes.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Yes. He did. And then you're married under a year? Yeah. And then I went to the Bahamas and then I moved. Yes. But, I mean, it became all of a sudden, we got together, our souls got together and things took off for both of us. Just completely took off in our careers. And again, we had to declare at that time.

Starting point is 00:39:20 I said, well, I'm moving to the Bahamas to be the U.S. ambassador. And he said, okay, I can come every week or every two weeks. And I said, I don't know what we're doing, but let's say yes to it. And then we said, no matter what, we're going to stay together and we're going to figure this out as we go. Wow. Yeah. Again, you said it then. Yeah. We just, declarations are a big thing for me. It helps me heal myself. It helps me when I need to ask for forgiveness for somebody else or be aware. I need to declare what's happened. I just said it to Teddard and I go, Teddy, we were at this dinner party and I have manners.

Starting point is 00:39:58 And I feel horrible. They said, what are you talking about? I said, I didn't speak to the person on my left. I said maybe two things and I feel, but I know better. And I just was so, I was in this conversation with somebody across, but I didn't stop to look at the person. But I noticed I had to say it. I had to make it real by saying it and acknowledging and not beating myself up. But I had to be aware of that was so rude and disrespectful.

Starting point is 00:40:26 And it was never my intention to be rude and disrespectful, but I was totally unaware. And I noticed when I declare things, it helps me become centered and aware. And when you declare it, it's true, you know, it's true. You have to speak it. Yeah. Even if it's about yourself, you have to tell yourself the truth about what you've done or what you've thought or what you've said that needs correction. And I think a lot of us have gotten away from that too of don't always say sorry. Don't over apologize. Say sorry for the things that you were wrong about. You don't have to say sorry about everything. You have to use the word sorry. But if you're wrong, yes, you need to say sorry. You need to apologize. There's so many incredible takeaways. from this conversation and declaring, declaring we're staying together no matter what is a big one, declaring this or something better.

Starting point is 00:41:24 This or something better. It has changed, honestly. That prayer has changed my life all the time, actually. This or something better because it's either I get what I want or I go through something and I think it's worse and then a flower shows up and it's better. someone will leave my life. And then I think, wait, why did this person leave? Wait, what's going on?

Starting point is 00:41:47 I just said this or better. Wait a minute. But something had to leave or someone. And then the other door can open. But divine order and divine love are, I just invite divine order into everything. I do. And even in the worst of times, even in the worst of times. Best of times and the worst of times, it never fails.

Starting point is 00:42:13 Remember this episode is not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know because it can change their life too. And if you love today's episode, please click the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app and give it a five-star review or rating. And again, just share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with another person whose life it could benefit. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today, you never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.

Starting point is 00:42:57 You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kernlema Show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are. Heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like, because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are love, and I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kernlema show. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.

Starting point is 00:43:49 When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny, need to fulfill, worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back. Build unshakable self-love. Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by belief.

Starting point is 00:44:35 believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step in to the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at Worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief.

Starting point is 00:45:20 And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love one. letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamie kurnlema.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute

Starting point is 00:46:13 for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

The Jamie Kern Lima Show - Four Words That Will Change Your Life + Remembering Today To Truly Live! Pt 2 with Nicole Avant!

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