The Jamie Kern Lima Show - How to Stop Dimming Your Light, Trust Yourself & Shine in Your Authentic Power! Julianne Hough Pt 2

Starting point is 00:00:00 All of the things that were in my life came apart and out of a choice that was choosing me in my most honest and true way, even though it was painful for me and it was painful for the people and the things around me. I've never heard you talk about your marriage or divorce with these things before. I never have. I had asked for a separation and with the intent to work through, asked for a separation and then ten days later my dogs were killed by coyotes. Yeah. Wow I am so emotional today. It's not about being straight or gay or bi or queer, or it's more about, I think I'm just learning like what love is and I love people.

Starting point is 00:00:57 My tightest group of friends that, you know, were within my orbit also didn't show up for me the way that I needed it. I was like, I've made a mistake. I've made a mistake trying to hold on to these friendships, trying to hold on to these things that like the minute I let go and I said, they need to be on their own journey. They don't understand mine right now. And that's okay. That's okay. I cannot abandon myself in this moment.

Starting point is 00:01:34 Like I have to stay true to myself. And this is the first time I've ever done that. I was getting ready to launch Kinergy on tour with Oprah. And I felt so out of integrity or out of alignment that I'm about to start this company, which is all about helping people connect to themselves and living their most expanded free self. And I'm like, whoa, what am I doing? I'm blowing up my life. And I have to go and perform on stage, which is like the, you know,

Starting point is 00:02:19 the whole purpose is to help people like connect to themselves. And I'm feeling very disconnected right now. I was like, okay, this is not easy, but I'm going to intentionally create my life now. Instead of do the thing that I think I'm supposed to do. I remember having this like absolute knowing of like divine, you know, God and grace and like feeling like so protected and so held i don't want to repeat i don't want to repeat patterns i don't want to

Starting point is 00:02:50 act from my five-year-old my four-year-old self my 10-year-old self my 15-year-old self or even my 25-year-old self you know like i want to act from the woman who has gone through everything that i've gone through and is acting from this place in this chair right now. The Emmy award-winning, two-time Dancing with the Stars champion and now host of the show, award-winning actress, performer, singer, songwriter, producer, entrepreneur, and author of the brand new book, Everything We Never Knew. Julianne Hough, welcome to the Jeannie Kern Lima Show. Oh, thank goodness.

Starting point is 00:03:35 Before we jump into this episode, I'd love to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews and one-on-one conversations with me and you to help you truly believe in yourself, trust yourself, and know you are enough so that you can become unstoppable in living your best life. All I want you to do is click on the follow or subscribe button on the app that you're listening or watching this episode on. I love your support. It's incredible to see your comments and how many people you're sharing these episodes with. And I'm so grateful to be here with you and I'm excited to go on this journey with you.

Starting point is 00:04:13 So thank you for subscribing and following The Jamie Kern Lima Show. It means so much to me. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning

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Starting point is 00:05:18 Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima. We can borrow courage and we can borrow strength. And sometimes we need to. Sometimes we feel like we don't have it. And we see someone else saying, well, I'm on this journey. And here's how I navigated it. And here's having a revelation in real time. And just kind of, I think for a lot of us, healing is like a lifelong journey, as is stepping into our authentic power. And also just taking a look back.

Starting point is 00:05:59 You called it unraveling. I think unraveling where our habits and our patterns and our wiring and all the things come from, and then almost taking our power back in a way. And there's going to be people of every single age that are sharing this conversation with you and me right now who maybe even haven't started the unraveling yet, but they're ready to. And I know when you talk about the many ways that unraveling has happened in your life, in particular in the last 11 years, getting married, you've shared that even in that journey and even through the marriage, still on a journey of discovering who you are,

Starting point is 00:06:49 sharing with your partner. Can you talk about just that, I'm going to call it the hero's journey, right? This is the hero's journey. Can you share that journey of that and that season in your life? Yeah. So I met my ex-husband when I was 25. When we met, we were in different locations.

Starting point is 00:07:16 He was in DC playing and I was in LA. And I would go back and forth. And it was interesting. It was like I was so focused on, all right, I have not given my heart to anybody really because I've been so like this, that I need to open my heart and give, give, give, give, give in a free way that's not like trying to get anything in return. And so I went so the extreme that I would go, you know, back and forth to DC every other week. And, and I stopped, you know, taking care of what I wanted to do. And like, I,

Starting point is 00:07:54 I wouldn't put myself on tape for auditions anymore. And I went, you know, very much into the season of relationship and it went into that extreme, like, I like to call it manic because I want to take like the stigma out of manic. Manic is just extreme and it can be quite jarring and reaction-based. And that was very much how I lived. A lot of my upbringing was reaction-based. Once something happened, I'd go this way and I'd go this way. And so I went full force ahead into relationship and it was amazing. And I will tell you, it was the greatest thing that could have happened to me at that time in my life, because what I needed at that time was to reconnect to my 10-year self. And, um, what did I need at 10? I

Starting point is 00:08:48 really needed safety and like, almost like a father figure to come in and be that grounding force of stability. And, um, and so I think a lot of our dynamic was this little girl feeling and this stability and stable man to be there. And so he provided such a beautiful foundation for me to be a little girl. And as that was the dynamic of our relationship, I was able to start that healing, not the healing from 10 before, but the healing from 10 on. And so when I started going through all of that journey, I started becoming more of a woman. And when that was happening, I was starting to listen to my voice more, not the 10-year-old voice that was making decisions subconsciously. And as that was happening, things started changing. And things in my mindset, like what do I believe in, not just what I've either been taught, told, or had to do to get where I'm at today. And so as that started happening, I really started shifting and changing and questioning what I believed in.

Starting point is 00:10:15 Were you married at this point? Yes, we were married. You were married by this point. We were married. And I want to be very mindful. That is a very, like coming out is one of the most vulnerable and empowering things that you can do. And I think for me was very much like, it's not about being straight or gay or bi or queer. It's more about, I think I'm just learning like what love is and I love people and I, I don't know what I'm attracted to, but I choose you. And that is, that is the, the freedom of the love that I was starting to experience in seeing people. And because I think I had been able to take off a layer of, again, protection. And instead of being so internalized, I was starting to see people and seeing their

Starting point is 00:11:14 hearts and seeing their beauty and their essence coming through in a way that I was like, wow, I love people. And I don't know if it's a sexual attraction or this attraction, but I'm just seeing people. And that was such a beautiful revelation, too. Did that start happening after you were married? Yeah, and I always have loved people. But I've been a little like, I can be magnetic and, you know, be almost like a little intoxicating to like be around because I can perform and be the thing and people feel comfortable and they, you know, they come alive too. So I've always loved people, but I haven't just been like still and like allowed them to just be seen and then just see their essence and their beauty.

Starting point is 00:12:08 It wasn't just an exchange of fun energy. And it started when you were seeing yourself. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so, yeah, because we all are reflections of each other. And so the more I was starting to connect to really the 20, it was around 28, 29 year old and me, I was able to start seeing other people that way too. And not just as like their personalities, but as their souls. And so as that started unraveling, I had all these like activations

Starting point is 00:12:38 start happening. And I was starting to have these beautiful oneness experiences with people where I would just be sitting there having a conversation. And I'd be like thinking of a black and white dog. And the number 12 would come up. And I'd be like, did you have a dog that was black and white at 12? And they'd be like, wait, what? Like, how did you know that? And I was like, I don't know. It just popped up into my head and I just wanted to ask.

Starting point is 00:13:08 And so these little like, and then they would go on to share this really beautiful story about how this was a woman named Claudia and she lived in Germany. And she talked about how at 12 years old, she had this dog and they ended up moving from that farm and they had to leave the dog and it like broke her heart. And I was like, cool, I don't know where that came from, but it opened that conversation. And she's like, I haven't thought about that in years. And so, so little things like that would start popping up or I would start seeing, you know, like colors around people. And, um, and at first I was like, what's happening to me? Like all this stuff is, is like a little, you know, freaking me out. Um, but then I was like, just get curious about

Starting point is 00:13:54 it. Don't, you know, don't think too hard about it, but it was all during that time. So I was going on this like wild journey of I'm curious about this. I want to go take, you know, a Tai Chi lesson and a Qigong lesson. And I want to like understand all these different modalities of ways to connect to yourself more and be able to trust yourself more. And so as I was going through that, I was expanding and de-layering all of these things. And my ex was, um, was contracting because he had just got let go from playing hockey and he was going through like identity, like shift and what's next and all sorts of things. And so it was an expansion for me and a contraction for him. And we weren't understanding each other.

Starting point is 00:14:46 And I don't think we had the maturity to come together. We were very much like going like this and kind of doing our own thing. And, you know, we've had this conversation now that we wish we would have had the maturity to come together and that there would have been, you know, potentially a different outcome. But I think everything has happened the way that it should have happened. And, um, the growth and the learning and the evolution has been, um, yeah, what it needed to be. And I'm grateful for it. I'm not asking for it again, but, but I've definitely been grateful for it. If you've had that, the conversation now of like, oh, if we could have come together, kind of a thing or grow, you know, grew together. Do you think that's still possible? Like, have you guys thought about?

Starting point is 00:15:41 No, it's not possible. Not possible. It's fascinating that the safety and the space you felt, like the safety in that father figure-ish situation that allowed you to start healing the little girl in you and then grow into, right? You talk about all the things that started happening and the things you started trying and the person you started becoming. It's almost as if you grew up in a way, as you mentioned, into a woman inside that relationship and that it just didn't grow with you. Yeah, the container was definitely created for that to happen. And I'm beyond grateful. And we are, you know, very important, special people in each other's lives. And we shared a really powerful season together. And I'm not going to speak for him because he can obviously speak for himself. But I know that I also brought a lot of things to his life that he shared with me also. And so it has definitely felt like a mutual just respect and love and period of growth for both of us. And yeah. I've never heard you talk about your marriage or divorce with these things before. I never have. With that period and chapter of my life, it was

Starting point is 00:16:59 so sacred to me of what happened. And I started going more inward and realizing, like, I understand and I feel seen by myself. And I know. So I don't need it from everybody else. I still want people to know that are in my circle. Because I think as a human, we just want to be known. I think that makes us feel loved to be known, that all of us can be known and not be rejected. All parts of us can exist. And so, yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:35 So I think that I just really wanted to protect that space because it was really, really beautiful. So many people are in relationships of all kinds, whether they're friendships or romantic partnerships or marriages or where they feel like, I love this person. And also, we're growing either in totally different directions or in totally different, at totally different paces. There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams.

Starting point is 00:18:16 You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness,

Starting point is 00:19:00 overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome,ieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Imagine, what would you do if you fully believed in you? My weekly free inspirational newsletter is packed with tips and tools to help you find out. It's called One-on-One with Jamie, and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday

Starting point is 00:20:01 morning. It's a love letter from me to you, from my soul to yours, and I hope it brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment. Plus, when you're a part of my free inspirational newsletter community, you'll be the first to get behind-the-scenes content, inspirational messages, and be the first to learn about upcoming events and more, it's the place to be. And I sure hope you'll join me there. So if you're not on the list yet, you can sign up for free at jamiekernlima.com or click the link in the show notes below. And here's to becoming unstoppable together. And now more of this conversation together.

Starting point is 00:20:46 So many people are in relationships of all kinds, whether they're friendships or, you know, romantic partnerships or marriages or where they feel like, I love this person. And also, we're growing either in totally different directions or at totally different paces. And they're struggling because they are scared to leave, or they don't want to be alone, or they don't want to feel like their expectation they had going into it wasn't met. And how did you have, you know, there's just such through lines in your book and in so many things about learning to trust yourself and step into your power. And a lot of people are scared to. So in the decision to divorce, how did you get there when before it

Starting point is 00:21:43 was like, let me make sure I'm safe and protect myself and put people around me to protect me? So I'll give you kind of like an overview of the things and the people and the environments that were put into place to protect myself. And then that will show the unraveling. So I also had an assistant of eight years who we met when I was 23. She was 23, I was 24. And we grew together. But we became very codependent. And there was an enmeshment in our relationship. She cared so much. And she, you know, she, she cared not just about me, but she cared about the work and doing great things. But we really had a dependency on each other.

Starting point is 00:22:29 And then I got married. And I also had two dogs that were my kids. I mean, I had them for 11 years and for eight years. And they were everything to me. So that was another sense of safety that I had. My brother and Haley, they also lived with my ex-husband and I in our house for like three years. I also started a company that was Kinergy and it was all just this beautiful, pure intention of like, you know, helping people connect to themselves and heal. And so all these things were like in my orbit. And as this little girl was dropping more into the woman and going on that journey, all these things started unraveling. I mean, my relationship with my old assistant, the unhealthiness started showing up of we're codependent on each other. And this is either going to continue on and this is going to become even more unhealthy. And this is going to blow up

Starting point is 00:23:35 in a way that might hurt our friendship. So I think we need to maybe take a break or work on this or something or stop working together so that we can be friends as like an option. And at the time, again, maturity, I think we didn't have maybe the tools or the communication in order to work through it. And so we decided to part ways. So that was the first part of the unraveling. And that was a relationship. That was eight years with someone. And I mean, she was everything.

Starting point is 00:24:12 I mean, she was my best friend and she still is. But we decided to part ways and that was a breakup and it was really, really hard. And it had already been two years since my ex and I had been going through this different time of our lives and moving away from each other. And so there was also a long time of questioning, is this working? Is this not working? We're going in different directions. Um, and so I had asked for a separation and with the intent to work through asked for a separation and then 10 days later my dogs were killed by coyotes yeah wow I am so emotional today. So that happened. And it was right at the time I was getting ready to

Starting point is 00:25:17 launch Kinergy on tour with Oprah. And I felt so out of integrity or out of like alignment that I'm about to start this company, which is all about helping people connect to themselves and living their most expanded free self. And I've just got, you know, my assistant and I are breaking up. My ex and I, or, well, my husband at the time, I'm asking for a separation because something's not working. My dogs that represented unconditional love and safety, gone. I'm like, whoa, what am I doing? I'm blowing up my life.

Starting point is 00:26:07 And I have to go and perform on stage, which is like the, you know, the whole purpose is to help people, like, connect to themselves. And I'm feeling very disconnected right now. painful things are unraveling, even though they were the things that were not in alignment as I was shifting in a new direction. And so what I realized is like, with change is loss. And like, going through any kind of loss is painful, even if it is the right thing. And so as that was happening, I was just like experiencing pain out of a decision that I felt like was the right thing for me. And, um, and also they were experiencing pain. And so that was just, yeah, it was really like a mind F, like what's happening here? Well, and all of this loss all around you, all this unraveling, you still decided I want to go through with it because you decided to trust yourself that it

Starting point is 00:27:18 was right for you, even in the midst of everything else. Yes. And I still was like, I have this knowing I know. And as I had never felt more clear about, I cannot abandon myself in this moment. Like I have to stay true to myself. And this is the first time I've ever done that. And, and so I kept on the journey. I started Kinergy and we went on tour with Oprah and then the pandemic happened. And then with that journey, there was so much unraveling of a lot of our, our guides, um, that we had trained, um trained because it's a self-discovery platform and we all went through training. And so all of us were going through this big transformation because it had activated also them. And then the pandemic happened and everyone's feeling uncertain. And so there was a lot of weight and responsibility that I felt for all of our employees and the

Starting point is 00:28:27 company while I'm feeling so disconnected. And I mean, there were decisions. I was just trying to survive at this point because I was like, hang on, what's happening? I'm supposed to be this most expansive version of myself. I just started having all this beautiful, like divine grace and knowing and connection. And, and I'm experiencing the opposite right now. And, and so all of this is happening. My tightest group of friends that were within my orbit also didn't show up for me the way that I needed it. And again, that's in my experience. And I can see that now. But definitely did not show up for me in the way that I needed it. So all the friends in the group that I had that was very small,

Starting point is 00:29:33 their actions and their behaviors were really painful and hurtful as well. And so the friend group. So all of this is to say self-others world is a big philosophy that I have, which is like you connect to yourself. And when you do that, you can relate to others. And when you can relate to others, you can experience the world. Well, it also goes the opposite way. So as I was unraveling all of my stuff, now the people around me were also starting to unravel. And this third layer, which is your career and the things that you put out into the world, all of that is starting to unravel now. And so I always look at it as in

Starting point is 00:30:06 like spirals. It's like you do the same lesson in the same pattern. You go around and around, and the lesson gets shorter every time you experience it until you get to the like, ooh, that's the core of that one, and I feel that. And now I'm sitting here for a minute, letting it process and integrate, and then you can come back out and then you can serve that way. But you have to kind of go inward and delay all of those things in order to like sit and now create. And so that's what was, I've been in the sitting place for the last few years, which is by the way, book two. I like to call it the death hole pit of shit era because all of the things that were in my life came apart and out of a choice that was choosing me

Starting point is 00:30:55 and in my like most honest and true way, even though it was painful for me and it was painful for the people and the things around me. And those, you know, it was a lot of loss, a lot of grief and experiencing a lot of abandonment and betrayal and things that like are very charged words to use. But I also had to like own that that was my experience and how I was feeling. And that's the fire lesson that she goes through that she's that she feels this anger and this visceralness and she has to experience it. She has to feel it. Otherwise, it's just like just this burning thing that's happening. And what's underneath that is really just hurt. And if you never get to it, then it's just going to sit there in your body and you're going to get

Starting point is 00:31:40 sick and all sorts of things. So I say that with a laugh, but I mean it, you know, like those things manifest that way. And so as all of that was unraveling, now I'm, you know, in this, this stillness space. And I was like, okay, this is, this is not easy, but I'm going to intentionally create my life now instead of do the thing that I think I'm supposed to do and fall into it and realize, did I even choose any of this? And so that's been the last few years. And all the while that was happening, I wrote this book, which was like the expansion part, the activation of her gifts that she's experiencing, the trust that she's starting to feel. And while I was writing the book, I was going through all of that loss at the time. So

Starting point is 00:32:34 that's why it took me four and a half years because I was like, again, I feel out of alignment and integrity with writing this because I feel different than when I did when this happened. And so it was hard to go back and forth because I was actually quite angry at the expansion that I had because I associate it with so much pain. And I remember having this like absolute knowing of like divine, you know, God and grace and like feeling like so protected and so held. And I was like, this is the opposite of what I was supposed to feel, supposed to, you know. I'm feeling so much pain. And from that point, I just surrendered to it.

Starting point is 00:33:19 I was like, I am a survivor. I know I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be better than okay. I've felt what it's going to be like on the other side before all of this happened. And I need to trust. I need to trust. So I would just day by day just wake up and was very intentional about not getting into another relationship, was very intentional about what's the work that I want to do, being very intentional about the friendships and the family and the healing that I wanted to invest in. And that was very, very intentional because

Starting point is 00:33:58 I don't want to repeat. I don't want to repeat patterns. I don't want to act from my five-year-old, my four-year-old self, my 10-year-old self, my 15-year-old self, or even my 25-year-old self. I want to act from the woman who has gone through everything that I've gone through and is acting from this place in this chair right now. You shared so many layers of unraveling. And I think one of the things that you shared that I think is just so important is that it's not easy. Sometimes we can hear someone say, I decided to trust myself. And also, doing that can come with a lot of change. And you share even friends shifting. A lot of people, when they start to grow,

Starting point is 00:34:51 their friends or their family's like, you're changing as if it's a bad thing, right? And a lot of people have no interest in evolving or changing. And so a lot of people kind of retreat. And then they go back to just like, well, because as you mentioned earlier, we all need love and belonging and all the things. And so then they retreat in connection. And I just want to call that out, that your journey of trusting yourself and knowing and trusting your knowing and going through it. Which I know you know a lot about. About knowing, yeah. It's just like, oh my gosh. But it's hard to trust our knowing

Starting point is 00:35:25 when maybe doing that comes with change or loss or grief or hard times. You've shared also a lot about the last four years in particular about going through a lot of emotions, anxiety, depression, all of it. How did that factor in into this unraveling that you've been experiencing? Well, you know, whether it's the, you know, ingrained religious system that I was built in or the competitive one or everything's fine, I'm going to keep moving forward mentality that I created myself, whatever that is. You know, like I, I all, I never wanted to allow myself to feel those things because if I feel those things again, like something's wrong with me or like, I don't want to be stuck there. Like, there's no way that I want to be stuck in this, this feeling. Like

Starting point is 00:36:23 you just always got to move forward, always got to move forward. And so allowing myself to be human and actually experience those true feelings didn't mean that I needed to be stuck there forever. And in fact, by actually acknowledging that I was feeling that and allowing myself to feel that, I got out of it quicker than trying to not experience that, trying to avoid ever feeling depressed or anxious. living in a box like this where everything is good, everything is positive. But as you expand, you also expand this way too. So the more you're going to experience the good, you're also going to experience the gamut and the pendulum swing of what's within. So if I wanted to just live in this tight little box, fine. And a lot of people choose to stay in the box because it's safe and it's contained. But I want to experience the gamut of life. I want to be able to have empathy for myself and for the people that are experiencing these things. And because I allowed myself to experience what it

Starting point is 00:37:41 truly felt like to not want to get out of bed, I understood my sister. I can understand people when they're going through things from a visceral, I know, I get that. I've experienced that too, not just having compassion for someone who has gone through something. And that's a beautiful thing too, to have compassion for people if you've not gone through something similar, but to have that experience and that knowing, I believe, again, not that you should be trauma bonding with people, but it definitely, you are known. And I want other people to feel known when I'm speaking to them, too, that I get you. I see you. And I feel you.

Starting point is 00:38:27 And I've been there, too. And we're going to be OK. In this show, we talk about a lot of things. And I'm always such a proponent of what a gift if you have the privilege to seek therapy or healing modalities. And so in your journey, especially the unraveling, that is a lot. And I know there's more as well. There's more. I know there's more. I know. There's more. But it's a lot. And I want to actually, I want to make sure we don't miss a couple of things that you said, because I just know how powerful they are to people listening who are going to connect with them. With your friendships and with going through the unraveling, were the friendships that weren't there for you were they were they friends that knew you as

Starting point is 00:39:27 yes in fact they were a they were a mirror of who I was back then and we have very we had very similar ways of living in the world and I you know I, wow, like this is going to be really hard because, and so I tried actually very hard to hold on to those friendships. And during the divorce, I then questioned myself. Oh no, not only did I lose, you know, not lose, but not only did I just, you know, break up our marriage and, um, something that was beautiful. Now I'm questioning, did I ruin not just that, but my friendships and my life and the, like I've now I starting to doubt myself, you know,

Starting point is 00:40:19 and like, what did I do? Because everything that I ever knew was being completely, I guess, and again, charged words, but threatened. And I was like, I've made a mistake. I've made a mistake trying to hold on to these friendships, trying to hold on to these things that the minute I let go and I said, they need to be on their own journey. They don't understand mine right now. And that's okay. That's okay.

Starting point is 00:40:54 I wish it were different. I really wish it were different. And I wish that they could have been there. But they couldn't at the time. So I need to let go and not desperately hope that they will get this and try to explain why they're not understanding. The minute I let go, I was able to come back to the fact that, oh, no, I did make the right decision and, or the right decision for me. And as that started happening, you know, some of those friendships have gone on different journeys and different paths now. Some of them have stayed the same. Some of us have come back together. Some of us have not. But the lesson in that was they don't know,

Starting point is 00:41:51 they don't understand. And I can't make them understand or make them be there for me. That has to be their decision. And as painful as that is, like anything else, they are external. And things fall apart and fall away. I have to be okay knowing that I am not just safe and loved for myself, but also I can go and now meet people and be intentional about pouring love and energy into friendships that are a mutual exchange and a mutual respect and a mutual like building of a foundation of, you know, where we both are today. And not to say that we might not have stuff later on, but the way that we built our friendship in these later relationships. And by the way, I've reconnected

Starting point is 00:42:56 with some childhood friends that have been incredible, realizing that this tight circle here, there was a whole circle around them that I didn't really invest time and energy in because I had this tight one. But actually, a lot of this outer circle, they've been incredible. And I've gotten to know them, not just where I felt safe in this. And again, that's the outpouring of this was the system of protection for me. And now that I feel safe, I can now have discernment and trust in other people too.

Starting point is 00:43:31 And this unraveling journey, do you feel like it's concluded? Do you feel like it's still going? Remember how I said there's a downward spiral and then an upward spiral? I think that's consistent our whole lives of continuing to unravel and change. And transform. And I think that a lot of these things are the crucible of you can either self-destruct and like it will destroy you or you will transform. And I believe that we transform many times in our lives. I think that this specific transformation that I went through was, you know, 30 years worth. So I'm hoping now that whatever next transformation isn't in another 30 years, but that it's constant and that the spiral is quicker show on your app and give it a rating or review and then share this episode with everyone you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the

Starting point is 00:44:59 words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. And before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show.

Starting point is 00:45:37 Here, I hope you'll come as you are and heal where you need. Blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you like because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love. I love you. And I can't wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

Starting point is 00:46:03 Coming up, you are not going to want to miss part three, the final part of this incredible conversation and episode with Julianne Hough. You're shedding all the things, unraveling all the things and taking your power back. Yeah. It's pretty crazy. And trusting yourself. Yeah. And now I'm like, wow, I really have such a clean slate. Be careful what you ask for. Because I did in 2019. I said, I just, I feel like I need a clean slate. And I got it.

Starting point is 00:46:37 75% of women deal with imposter syndrome. They look around and they, you know, make decisions by consensus. Instead of like, maybe I actually know the answer inside. And we do. Have you ever talked about that? Shared this? I have not. I'm sitting here being like, wow.

Starting point is 00:46:59 I don't have my dogs here. Don't have a partner. Don't have cash. Don't have a credit card. Don't know these people. I don't have my dogs here, don't have a partner, don't have cash, don't have a credit card, don't know these people. And I'm like, I've never felt more stable, I've never felt more secure, never felt more consistent,

Starting point is 00:47:14 I've never felt more loved, and I've never felt more loved by the people around me that I do right now. Pretty cool. It speaks to how whole you are that you can sit at a wedding with your ex-husband and his girlfriend and be like, it's so beautiful. It really was.

Starting point is 00:47:36 Woo! That's power. It was. That is power. I woke up before my phone even rang and I knew. And I picked up the phone and my assistant at the time was just like screaming. I've never had coyotes in my yard. I have gates and everything.

Starting point is 00:47:58 And that they went together. One, I'm so grateful they went together. Two, I'm grateful that usually how it happens is very quick and that we got their bodies. But at that time I was like, oh that was like the unraveling of like the absolute safety. I'm like unconditional love and I know I'm ready to like open my heart and experience what this means. On this energy retreat, we talked about soul fragmentation. When something really tragic happens and a piece of your soul gets fragmented and it goes with whatever happened.

Starting point is 00:48:36 And so for sure, I felt my soul fragmented and that they were still with my girls. And so I did like a retrieval of bringing my soul back and also giving their piece of them back to them too. Because I realized, oh, I'm holding them back also. Like they need to be able to move forward and move on. There was a piece of me that never felt whole in the last few years.

Starting point is 00:48:59 And when I did that, I felt very whole after that. And when that happened, I went home and I wrote a song for the book. You wrote it in a way though, where everyone's going to go on their own hero's journey through it, right? I'll ask myself questions and the answers will just come up so quickly because the wisdom of earth, the wisdom of yourself in being grounded, we all have all the elements. Earth, air, water, fire. And you mentioned your quiz. I took it. I did. I did. Earth was my dominant one. I also want to point out Oprah is very earth. Yeah. And what you're saying now too is like, you're wanting more earth. Yes.

Starting point is 00:49:46 Right? So it's interesting how energetically people can just kind of connect or kind of see. How often do you have supernatural experiences? Have you ever seen something happening? I like stood up and my heart opened and my hands like literally went behind me like this. And I was like, whoa, I feel so loved this is God you know and and so as that happened

Starting point is 00:50:11 I just my heart started opening little God winks little gifts pop into your life you're able to receive them and have that trust and that knowing that there is a there is a design and a plan at hand and when you're open to receiving and trusting and trusting in yourself, trusting in whatever you wanna trust in, that it's working for you. The Emmy Award-winning, two-time Dancing with the Stars champion and now host of the show, award-winning actress, performer, singer, songwriter, producer, entrepreneur,

Starting point is 00:50:56 and author of the brand new book, Everything We Never Knew. Julianne Hough, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Oh my goodness. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing.

Starting point is 00:51:32 And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life. It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk, to build confidence, and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life when filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your

Starting point is 00:52:13 narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com slash resources, or click the link in the show notes below. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious, and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com

Starting point is 00:53:02 to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. beautiful but worthy. Get this book. This book, I'm telling you, it's a book that can change anybody's life who picks it up. Anybody who's ever felt that they were not good enough, didn't measure up, something's missing in your life. I have to tell you. It's powerful. It's happening. It's worthy. Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you?

Starting point is 00:54:05 I went from struggling waitress facing nonstop rejection to founder of It Cosmetics, a billion dollar company, by learning how to overcome self-doubt and believe I'm worthy of my hopes and dreams. And I'm sharing how you can too in my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life. If you're ready to truly trust yourself and break through that barrier of self-doubt

Starting point is 00:54:33 and know that where you come from or even where you are right now doesn't determine where you're going, then Worthy is for you. It's time to go from doubting you're enough to knowing you're enough. It's time to step into all of who you are and into the person you were born to be. And it's time to believe that you are worthy of it. Because in life, we don't become what we want. We become what we believe we're worthy of. Join the worthy movement today

Starting point is 00:55:07 by grabbing your copy of Worthy anywhere books are sold and head to worthybook.com now for free gifts, including my five-part course on becoming unstoppable and my 95-page Worthy Workbook Action Plan that teaches you how to implement the tools from the book into your real life right now. Worthy is groundbreaking. Yo, this book is going to change lives. This book literally will teach you how to actually feel worthy so that you can have the strength. You can have the confidence. The lessons in this book

Starting point is 00:55:42 and the strategies will change your life. You will never be the same again after you read this book. Jamie's Bookworthy is a must read. It is going to inspire you, empower you, give you the hope that you need and the kick in the rear end that you deserve. Jamie's Bookworthy is incredible. The gifts are going away, but they're all free right now on worthybook.com. It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. If this episode impacted you and you want more, click here.

The Jamie Kern Lima Show - How to Stop Dimming Your Light, Trust Yourself & Shine in Your Authentic Power! Julianne Hough Pt 2

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