The Jamie Kern Lima Show - Melinda French Gates Reveals All: Life-Changing Lessons on Transitions, Trusting Your Inner Voice & Choosing Yourself! (Even if it’s for the first time ever or the first time in a long time!)

Starting point is 00:00:00 I felt like I needed to be kind of dressed head to toe and look perfect all the time. Now, like, I'm perfectly comfortable going out, maybe too comfortable some days with, you know, not having washed my hair for four days and it's in a ponytail and I'm still going to go out and walk to the store, you know, and I am who I am. Melinda French Gates, named by Forbes as one of the most powerful women in the world, is here today and she is revealing all. Life-changing lessons on how to hear your own inner voice. I had a boyfriend in college that really was not a positive relationship for me at all and he cared a lot about how I looked and said a lot of things about it to me. And that really is not okay. It really is not.

Starting point is 00:00:48 And I eventually obviously got out of that relationship, but it took me too long and I inculcated too many of those messages. Boy, when you take that down, that perfectionism around weight and body image, you wanna talk about, you take that down, you have so much more mind space. Yes.

Starting point is 00:01:07 It's an anxiety that's in there, right? I had to work with several different nutritionists and I did some work in therapy, but God, when I took that down, it was like, okay, that feels better. How to trust yourself. I started to do what I call learn my way back to myself. Somewhere along the way I started to lose my voice.

Starting point is 00:01:31 Society tells women you can't be this, you can't do that, or maybe you're not enough or somebody speaks over you in a meeting. Was there any part of you that had stopped using your voice in some way? For sure. If I'm also telling my three children back then to use their voice in the world and to stand up to a bully on the playground and help somebody else, if I'm saying that to them, I realized

Starting point is 00:01:58 I needed to be role modeling it too. And how to choose yourself. I have to coach myself. Quite honestly, I don't enjoy big social gatherings. Like, they drain me, right? I can have doubt going into those, and so I actually have to push myself to do it. I definitely have doubt before I enter, like, a big... Say you're going into a ballroom,

Starting point is 00:02:20 and it's 300 people at tables, you know? And I'm like, ah! Well, if we're ever in the same ballroom and I'm very happy to hide in the bathroom with you. Okay good. And anytime. That is where you will find me. True I'm really good at that. Even if it's for the first time ever or for the first time in a long time. I deserve to be where I am in life. Like, I've worked really hard to get here, and I know myself. And so I don't... If people don't like me

Starting point is 00:02:50 or they don't like what I'm saying, I'm kind of at the point in life where I'm like, hmm, take it or leave it. Like, if I'm not your cup of tea, that's... that's okay. I am so excited for you, for me, for women everywhere right now, because this conversation is just that incredible. I'm literally jumping out of my chair right now.

Starting point is 00:03:12 Coming up in this incredible episode. I know some people, I walk in the room and they're like, oh, they instantly think, you know, billionaire. Well, I don't think of myself that way. But what can I do about that? That's what they put on me. But if I'm my true, open-hearted, authentic self, maybe they'll get a chance to rethink what they think of me, right?

Starting point is 00:03:38 Melinda Frenchgate is a philanthropist, businesswoman, and global advocate for women and girls. She's the founder of Pivotal Ventures, focused on accelerating social progress by removing barriers that hold people back. She also co-founded the Gates Foundation alongside her former husband Bill Gates. Melinda's brand new book, The Next Day. Transitions, Change, and Moving Forward is out now. Make sure you pick up your copy right now. It is so good. And in the book, Melinda reflects for the first time

Starting point is 00:04:14 on the most significant transitions in her life, from becoming a parent, she's now a mom of three, to the death of a dear friend, to departing the Gates Foundation, to deciding to end her marriage, something over half of us have gone through. Just when you're getting uncomfortable, actually lean forward and do the thing

Starting point is 00:04:35 that your doubt is kind of telling you not to do, because that's where courage is. Like it becomes your comfort zone, like, oh, I'm feeling doubt again, I'm gonna actually lean forward. comfort zone like oh I'm feeling doubt again I'm gonna actually lean forward. Melinda, Melinda French Gates, how are you? Can I hug you? Of course! I've been to Denny's many times with my kids. Have you been to Denny's? Yes, it's been a long time. When they were little they loved Denny's. Did they really? Oh yeah, the pancakes. The pancakes? Yeah. Everyone's praying it's gonna be good.

Starting point is 00:05:07 The amount of time that could have been spent on things that actually matter. This morning in these white jeans, I was like, I see my cellulite. And I already know in my soul, Melinda's not gonna care. I was like free, I was just free. And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kernlyma Show podcast family. Thank you so much for being here.

Starting point is 00:05:42 And can you take two seconds and do me a favor? Please hit the subscribe or follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on. Thank you so much. It truly means so much to me and the team that works so hard to bring you this show. Also, this episode, it's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know,

Starting point is 00:06:02 because what you're about to hear can truly impact and change your life and theirs. Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima! Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima! It is such an honor to say, Melinda French Gates, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima show.

Starting point is 00:06:29 Thanks for having me, Jamie. It's fun. We can do this. I am so excited you're here and I have to just say right out of the gate, I've read your book cover to cover. Thank you. I am so grateful I got to read it early. It is so inspiring.

Starting point is 00:06:43 So many of us, we go through transitions, whether we want to or not. A lot of us are scared of them. But when I read your book, I got full body chills. And also thinking of this conversation today, because I think whether it's through reading the book the next day, which is out right now, everyone go grab your copy, Or even through this conversation,

Starting point is 00:07:07 I think what I'm so excited about is I just know how many women are going to read your book or hear this conversation and decide to believe that they're worthy of trusting themselves, of listening to their own voice, of even kind of considering like, huh, have I lost myself? Who am I? And, you know, my first question is really for every girl

Starting point is 00:07:32 and every woman, because you have, you have and you continue to play so many different roles, right, from whether it's, you know, mom or wife or sister or daughter or boss or world changer. And in the next day, you talk about starting to lose yourself and your voice. And so my first question, this is really

Starting point is 00:07:57 on behalf of everyone because we can all relate to this. We've all gone through this in our own way, shape, or form. We all play, often, so many roles that we're like, wait a minute, um, who am I? And so how did you, how did you find yourself again? And how did you choose yourself? I think you're right. I think a lot of us as women go through this, right? Where, and I love your word that we have so many different roles. It's like we have so many different hats and we're changing them all the time. And I know at least for me, I felt like I so wanted to have kids and I wanted to work at some

Starting point is 00:08:36 point. And I knew I would step back from work at first and hopefully go back. I didn't know to what afterwards, but there's something about when you are a new mom and everything's new and you love it and it's hard, but then when you step back into work, at least I was always changing hats and I felt like I could never give enough time to any one thing, right? And so it, for me was a process. And I think it was maybe, maybe around 2010 that I started to do what I call learn my way back to myself.

Starting point is 00:09:08 Like I feel like I really knew myself when I left high school. I was very lucky to be in an all girls Catholic high school, so it was very affirming. But then somewhere along the way I started to lose my voice as I went out into the world. And I think because society tells women, you can't be this, you can't do that, or maybe you're not enough, or somebody speaks over you in a meeting, or someone repeats your point. But in 2010, I started to relearn who I was. And it was because I was seeing so much in these low income countries.

Starting point is 00:09:47 And I realized I wanted to give voice to what those women were telling me. And it took a lot of courage, quite frankly, to voice what these women needed and wanted on the world stage. But the more I started to live into that and to learn and to know it was important, the more it animated my life and the more I felt like I started to be true to myself.

Starting point is 00:10:06 Mm, did you identify a part in them where maybe they weren't able to use their voice? Was there any part of you that had stopped using your voice in some way? For sure. Yeah. And I kept feeling for them, like, oh, I feel bad for them that they don't have their full power

Starting point is 00:10:24 or they can't make that decision or they don't have their voice. But then I had to turn the question back on myself and say, do I have my full voice? Am I really speaking my truth in the world? And here I am raising kids and I really want to be a whole integrated person. But if I'm also telling my three children back then to use their voice in the world and to stand up for a bully on the, to a bully on the playground and help somebody else, if I'm saying that to them, I realized I needed to be role modeling it too. Mm, that's so powerful.

Starting point is 00:11:01 Do you feel, when I was reading the next day, one of the big takeaways, I think, because so many women are like, how do I trust my voice? How do I hear my voice? How do I use my voice? Am I worthy of using it? And when you talk about the idea of something bigger than yourself in order to just really kind of focus on that, because so many women go, how do I get unstuck? Like, I don't know if I'm worthy of it.

Starting point is 00:11:26 And you talk about this passion of being a voice to so many people who don't have one. And also another bigger why is your kids, right? It's so funny that it's easy for us to tell them all the things. I have two little ones. I have a six-year-old and a four-year-old. And it's easy for me to tell them all the things. And they go, well, wait a minute. Are they seeing me?

Starting point is 00:11:45 Exactly. When you turn that question back on yourself, the answer isn't always pretty, is it? Yeah. Yeah. And it's so much almost more powerful for them to see that because whether it's like you can go after your dreams, you can be anything, but then if we're not believing we're worthy of going after our dreams or using our voice, they're going to see that. And you just mentioned going to an all-girls school growing up.

Starting point is 00:12:09 So I was going to ask you that, because there is going to be, Melinda, and what I'm so excited about right now is the number of DMs, messages that are going to come in. And so many people ask me about this topic, which is why when I read the next day, I was so passionate about this. Because it's this, I feel like this universal thing where

Starting point is 00:12:27 maybe for the first time or the first time in a long time, women are starting to go, wait a minute. How do I raise my hand? How do I say I want to be in that room? Or I'm worthy of writing a book? Or I'm worthy of launching my own company, wearing a CEO title, any of it. When you made this transition from an all-girls school

Starting point is 00:12:49 where everyone raised their hand and you were called on and everything's great and all of a sudden you're at Duke, you're at Duke University and it's like all colleges just about, it's a free-for-all. Everyone's just speaking up, throwing up. How, because so many women are gonna be making this transition now in their own way. They're going to go to work tomorrow and be like, I'm freaking speaking up on the Zoom. I'm going to share my idea finally, even if it's not a hit. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. How did you learn to go from that

Starting point is 00:13:20 certainty of, oh, I'm going to raise my hand and be called on. Everything's great to, oh, I've got to speak up if I'm going to get a word in. Yeah. You have to find the courage inside yourself. And for me, I can look and see other women who've done it and say, I want to be like that. I see her being strong. I see her. How did she get there? And if I can learn her story, her backstory, you start to realize that, you know, they didn't just magically appear in that position. They've gone through hardship themselves. And I have to coach myself quite honestly to lean forward, which is what

Starting point is 00:13:58 I tell my friends and my daughters or even my son. If you have doubt, which we all have times of doubt, right? If you have humility, which we all have times of doubt, right? If you have humility, hopefully if you're a humble person, you can admit you have some doubt at some point. So just when you feel like leaning back, like, oh, I don't know if I want to do that. That's when you either need to reach out to somebody who can remind you of your worth and remind you, you deserve to be there and you deserve to speak up or you got to find it in yourself and just lean forward. I always say to them, just when you're getting uncomfortable

Starting point is 00:14:32 actually lean forward and do the thing that your doubt is kind of telling you not to do because that's where courage is. And the more you can practice that courage, the more you grow and I think the easier than it becomes. Like it becomes your comfort zone like oh I'm feeling doubt again, I'm actually lean forward totally sitting leaning back that is so good totally that is so what I talked about

Starting point is 00:14:54 earlier like that you're you're an introvert right as people think I'm an extrovert but I'm right on the line introvert extrovert but I actually fall into her side of the line. And so I don't enjoy big social gatherings. They drain me, right? And so I can be very, I can have doubt going into those. And so I actually have to push myself to do it. I don't do it all the time

Starting point is 00:15:21 because it's not where I want to be in life. But when it's an important reason and I'm showing up, I have to say to myself, well, just trust, trust that you're going to find someone you know or try and connect with somebody in just a one-on-one. And by pushing myself to do that, oh, then I can enter that big room. But I definitely have doubt before I enter like a big, say you're going into ballroom and it's 300 people at tables, you know, and I'm like, ah, do I know anybody, right? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:48 Well, if we're ever in the same ballroom, I'm very happy to hide in the bathroom with you. Okay, good. Anytime. That is where you will find me, true. I'm really good at that. We have a mutual friend, I won't say who, and she does that too, and people would never guess because some of us, we can, you know,

Starting point is 00:16:05 it's we're different in different social environments, you know, and some of some people really like like small talk at cocktail a thrive on it and and some people don't okay, so talking about that I'm so grateful and I'm just gonna say this again in reading in reading the next day, it is such a beautiful book because I feel like the through line of humanity, the through line of being a woman, the through line of all the transitions we go through, I feel your heart in it. Like you're open. You're really open in the book. And you weave that through. And just now for you to share, you know, if you might walk in a ballroom

Starting point is 00:16:44 and there's 300 people and, you know, if you might walk in a ballroom and there's 300 people and, you know, you might feel doubt. Do I know anyone? So you sort of like lean in and use that tool. By the way, I love that tool. I think so many people are going to now use that tool. Like, okay, I'm feeling doubt. Let me lean in.

Starting point is 00:16:57 You know, this idea of imposter syndrome has been such a big thing. Like when you look at the data, 75% of female executives deal with imposter syndrome has been such a big thing. Like when you look at the data, 75% of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. Michelle Obama has come out and talked about how she still feels it to this day right now. And it's a really big topic. And can you share for you? Because I think it's so easy.

Starting point is 00:17:23 And just speaking from my own experience, it's so easy for people on the outside to be like, oh, you've created this business. You must be so this or that or whatever. But I still deal with needing to focus on believing I'm worthy almost every day. I feel like it's a lifelong journey. And so for you, right now, as you sit here, you've had so many, you've done so much beautiful work on yourself as well that you share in the next day, which I think is so beautiful. Cause a lot of times when people are doing that, they may be hiding or they think it's just them. And I love how open you

Starting point is 00:17:59 are, but right now, do you feel imposter syndrome in your life anymore? We need to pause for a super brief break and while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know. Maybe they're going through a transition in their life in some way who this episode could inspire because this conversation can truly not just impact our lives, but theirs too. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe

Starting point is 00:18:39 You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love. Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness

Starting point is 00:19:24 and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you.

Starting point is 00:19:50 It's time to find out with Worthy. Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you? My weekly free inspirational newsletter is packed with tips and tools to help you find out It's called one-on-one with Jamie and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday morning It's a love letter from me to you From my soul to yours, and I hope it brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment.

Starting point is 00:20:28 Plus, when you're a part of my free inspirational newsletter community, you'll be the first to get behind the scenes content, inspirational messages and be the first to learn about upcoming events and more. It's the place to be. And I sure hope you'll join me there. So if you're not on the list yet, you can sign up for free at jamiekernlema.com or click the link in the show notes below. And here's to becoming unstoppable together. And now more of this incredible conversation together.

Starting point is 00:20:58 For you, you know, right now, as you sit here, you've had so many, you've done so much beautiful work on yourself as well that you share in the next day, which I think is so beautiful because a lot of times when people are doing that, they may be hide it or they think it's just them and I love how open you are. But right now, do you feel imposter syndrome in your life anymore? Not very often is the honest truth. Yes. I deserve to be where I am in life. I've worked really hard to get here and I know myself.

Starting point is 00:21:31 And so I don't, if people don't like me or they don't like what I'm saying, I'm kind of at the point in life where I'm like, take it or leave it. If I'm not your cup of tea, that's okay. And maybe, I don't know, maybe that comes with being 60. My mom said to me, I remember when she was getting a bit older, she's still alive, both my parents are, very close to them, but I remember when she crossed 60, she said, you know, I just, same how,

Starting point is 00:21:58 just feel very confident going around. You know, I go to pick up the clothes of the cleaners and I tell them how they could be more organized or I go to the grocery store and something's not quite right at the cash register and I speak out and tell them what they ought to be doing. She goes, I don't know what's gotten into me, but I just feel comfortable speaking my truth. And so maybe that's sort of the wisdom that comes with 60 is you just get very comfortable in your skin. But I don't have that a lot anymore. But I boy, boy, boy,

Starting point is 00:22:28 did I struggle with that for many, many, many years for sure. How for everyone wanting that feeling right now, how does it feel to be like, if you don't like me and not your cup of tea, that's okay. Just like I'm imagining it's freeing. I'm imagining it's so freeing. It's so freeing. Like, okay, you don't. Okay, well, you're you. I'm me. You know, we don't have to necessarily like the same things or maybe you don't like my outfit. I grew up in Texas where I felt like I needed to be kind of dressed head to

Starting point is 00:23:01 toe and look perfect all the time. And now, like, I'm perfectly comfortable going out, maybe too comfortable some days with, you know, not having washed my hair for four days, and it's in a ponytail, and I'm still going to go out and walk to the store, you know? And I am who I am. Yes. And I also think people put labels on us.

Starting point is 00:23:20 I mean, part of the reason I even opened up so much in this book is, one, I feel like I've benefited so much. I've learned so much from other people, from my friends, from being in therapy, from the wisdom of the ages, these authors and the quotes I put in. But also, I feel a bit like we just get to this point where people are throwing all these labels on each other. Like I know some people, I walk in the room, they're like, oh, they instantly think, you know, billionaire. Well, I don't think of myself that way. But what can I do about that? That's what they put on me.

Starting point is 00:24:00 But if I'm my true open-hearted, authentic self, maybe they'll get a chance to rethink what they think of me, right? And wouldn't that be a lovely thing? Because maybe we'll actually make a genuine connection. And if not, well, okay, then we don't. Mm, yeah. I found, you know, that sometimes those labels, too, they don't really change you, they just change everyone else.

Starting point is 00:24:24 Like, how they might think of their perception that sometimes those labels too, they don't really change you, they just change everyone else. Like how they might think of their perception of someone who maybe has that or whatever. Exactly. And I think sometimes we don't admit our own bias. You know, we don't say to ourselves, okay, why that person walking down the street or those two people that I don't even know, why did I judge them? Because one had purple hair and the other had on a sweatshirt that I didn't know the name of the band of.

Starting point is 00:24:50 What is it about me? Why should I sit in that sort of judging situation? Why not just be open to it? Maybe there's something I could learn from them, right? Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting. I remember when I sold my business and nobody knew how we were doing, but L'Oreal is a public company and so it was everywhere, the purchase price, everything.

Starting point is 00:25:16 The first thing I ever experienced was a lot of my friends and family who I love, they just now assumed I was busy all the time. I'm like, no, I'm the same. I've always been busy, but I'm the same. I'm the same. And then something big would happen, and I wouldn't hear from them. I'd be like, we're assuming you're busy.

Starting point is 00:25:33 And I'm like, huh. And I realized, oh, it's that I was raised really humble and have the most amazing, hardworking, multiple families. But what I realized is like, oh, yeah, we all kind of see things as we are. And then that can almost create a disconnection in a way. And so that's so beautiful what you just shared because it's like asking ourselves, well, wait a minute,

Starting point is 00:25:55 am I seeing things through my own perception or is that person really any different than I am? We all have the same feelings. We all have, you know, one of the things that I think is so universal that you share in the next day that I didn't know. You say that during your first pregnancy that you gained 79 pounds

Starting point is 00:26:15 and that you had this feeling of freedom the moment you saw the positive pregnancy test and the freedom of the pressure that you had sort of always previously been putting on yourself. Yeah. So I had to have a truce with my doctor because every time I would go in, you know, they always, which is important, they put you on the scale, right? And he really was concerned. And, and I finally said to him, okay, are you concerned because this is a problem for my health or my baby's health?

Starting point is 00:26:46 And he said no. And I said, well, every time you talk to me about that my weight is up over the number it should be, you know, or it's going up quickly. And I said, so what's the problem? And he said, I'm afraid you're going to be mad at me because when this is over, it'll take you a while to get the pregnancy weight off. And I said, well, tell you what, let's have a truce. You never bring up my weight

Starting point is 00:27:09 unless it's a health problem for me or the baby. And I promise to not be mad at you when this is over. And I just, there was something about when I got pregnant, I was like, great, I know I'm gonna get large. I don't know how large I'll get. It doesn't matter. I'm gonna grow a baby. I was so excited to grow a baby, but it was like, finally, I didn't have to get large, I don't know how large I'll get. It doesn't matter. I'm going to grow a baby. I was so excited to grow a baby,

Starting point is 00:27:26 but it was like, finally, I didn't have to worry about looking good, trying to be thin, what I put in my mouth, other than things that I knew and wanted to eat healthy. But I just enjoyed the pregnancy. I enjoyed it immensely. And so much so, I mean, I was just enormous. And I couldn't pass. I remember one time I was actually in the boardroom at Microsoft.

Starting point is 00:27:48 I was still working at Microsoft and it was a group of execs around the table, whatever. And we happened to be using that room and one of the men who I liked a lot and I knew his wife and they had three boys and he was very funny. So he did not offend me. But I tried to pass between his chair and the wall to get to my chair on the other side. I couldn't fit through. And he saw me and like, I kind of bounced back a couple of times

Starting point is 00:28:16 and he turns around and he goes, huh, thought you could get through, huh? I said, I clearly can't, you're gonna have to move that chair. And he laughed and he did. And again, I'd seen his wife get large and then get small get wired it just but yeah, it was like this for me It was this freeing of oh my god these Expectations that I look a certain way or be a certain way and then much later in my life. I realized hmm

Starting point is 00:28:41 What are the expectations I have of myself? Who's putting that on me? Maybe society, but maybe myself. And so you have to really eventually look at that too, right? Yeah, yeah. And you talk about just, I think I was just surprised because I'd never heard you share that part of your life. I love learning that you've always been like

Starting point is 00:29:02 such a goal setter, all the things growing up and always ambitious. And when you shared in the next day, so vulnerably about that, I mean, you look at the data. And it's almost every single one of us has different body image issues or struggles. And so when you talk about kind of that freedom, had you always been putting pressure on yourself from a certain age?

Starting point is 00:29:26 Or when do you remember caring about if your body was a certain size? I remember caring in high school, but I felt good about myself or I should say good enough about myself. Right. But then I had a boyfriend in college that really was not a positive relationship for me at all. And he cared a lot about how I looked and said a lot of things about it to me. And that really is not okay. It really is not. And I eventually obviously got out of that relationship, but it took me too long.

Starting point is 00:30:02 And I inculcated too many of those messages. And I would say that carried through with me into my 20s and even into my 30s. And it wasn't probably till I got to 40 that I got more okay with who I was, right? And now I wanna be fit because I wanna be able to do all the things I want and I wanna be healthy, but I'm not so focused on,

Starting point is 00:30:23 am I X weight or Y weight, or know, am I X-weight or Y-weight, or do I fit in that size pants or another? It's still there in the back of my head a little bit, but it just isn't a big call anymore. And, boy, when you take that down, that perfectionism around weight and body image, you want to talk about, you take that down, you have so much more mind space.

Starting point is 00:30:43 Yes. It's an anxiety that's in there, right? I had to work with several different nutritionists and I did some work in therapy. But God, when I took that down, it was like, whew, OK, that feels better. I was just going to say, it's like when you look at all the data, especially someone

Starting point is 00:31:00 being as passionate about girls and women, which I'm so passionate about girls and women, I think'm so passionate about girls and women. I think about my own journey with this stuff. And you look at some of the studies Dove has done or other studies that have come out and they show like 91% of girls and women, they'll literally opt out of meaningful activities, whether it's going out with loved ones or seeing friends

Starting point is 00:31:22 or doing something social, if they don't like how they look. And when I think back in my life, I'm like, then the amount of time, because you were just saying how much freeze up, the amount of time, Melinda, when I look back at my life and I think about the times I didn't go to the thing or I didn't put on the swimsuit or I didn't do whatever, or I wasted so much time trying like trying to find something that fit, or being on the diet at the moment. I'm like, the amount of time that could have been spent

Starting point is 00:31:53 on things that actually matter and actually make a difference. And I feel like this idea of almost like when we all think about it, like, what is that doubt around whatever, or the time we've spent or the whatever, what is that doubt around whatever or the time we've spent or the whatever? What does that already cost us? It's pretty wild.

Starting point is 00:32:09 And so yeah, I'm kind of similar to you now, where I'm like, I feel so free now, where I do not care. I mean, I try to be healthy, all the things. But like this morning in these white jeans, I was like, I see my cellulite. And I already know in my soul, Melinda's not going to care. I was like, I see my cellulite and I already know in my soul, Melinda's not gonna care. I was like, free, I was just free.

Starting point is 00:32:29 And I was like, I'm showing up, all of me, because my prayers, Melinda shows up, all of her, it's gonna be great, and it just feels free. It feels free. Yeah. I think also I got to a point where I realized that I wasn't role modeling right for my daughters. Yes.

Starting point is 00:32:46 Right. Because for them, it was really important that I work on this in myself. So I didn't put any of that on them. And so when they had body issues, they could come to me and I could be honest with them. One of the things I've always said to all three of my kids is you can count on me to

Starting point is 00:33:05 be honest with you. Right? Like if they actually come to me and say, do you like this t-shirt on me? I'll be like, you know, they're like, well, I'm going to wear it anyway. Or, oh, okay. Thank you, mom. Right? So like that honesty, but also the other thing the data shows is that if women are working

Starting point is 00:33:21 and doing meaningful work, they focus less on body image. Yes. Right? Which again, how beautiful is it to be able to put that energy and that time into things that you care about doing for the world. Yeah. Right?

Starting point is 00:33:38 Yeah. This conversation is so incredible. We made it into more than one part. So if you're ready to ignite your courage to make a transition in your life and find yourself again, you are not gonna wanna miss the incredible part two of this conversation with Melinda French Gates.

Starting point is 00:33:56 Coming up in the next episode of the Jamie Curren Lima Show. Remember this episode's not just for you and me. Please share this with every single person that you know, because it can impact and change their life too. And if you love today's episode, please click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app and give it a five-star rating or review. And again, please share it with everyone that you believe in. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it.

Starting point is 00:34:24 Maybe someone you know is making a change in their career or marriage or health. Please post the episode and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today.

Starting point is 00:34:46 Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true. You right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima show. Here I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are loved.

Starting point is 00:35:27 I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Curren Lima Show. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful.

Starting point is 00:35:54 And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life. It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk, to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love

Starting point is 00:36:19 so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams. You can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamee kernlema.com

Starting point is 00:36:53 slash resources or click the link in the show notes below. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlema.com to make sure

Starting point is 00:37:29 you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love, hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at JamieKernLima.com or in the link in the show notes.

Starting point is 00:37:54 In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, worthy is for you. In worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome

Starting point is 00:38:39 limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at WorthyBook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.

Starting point is 00:39:17 It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

The Jamie Kern Lima Show - Melinda French Gates Reveals All: Life-Changing Lessons on Transitions, Trusting Your Inner Voice & Choosing Yourself! (Even if it’s for the first time ever or the first time in a long time!)

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