The Joe Rogan Experience - #1005 - Hannibal Buress

Episode Date: August 30, 2017

Hannibal Buress is a stand-up comedian, actor, television writer and host. Check out his podcast called "The Handsome Rambler" on Spotify.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Yes! Yup Hello Hannibal What's up man? How are you sir? I'm good Good to see you

Good to see you too You have notes Yeah I wanted to What's going on man? I had notes I just wanted to be prepared I've had notes other times but I just didn't have them written down You know what I mean? Oh you had them like in your head? I had them in my head but I just didn't have them written down. You know what I mean? Oh, you had them in your head?

I had them in my head, but I'm an older man now. Is your mind starting to slip away? My mind started to slip away, so I had some notes. You're drinking Alpha Brain and you got notes. Yeah. Dude, you're ready. What's the notes? What do you want to talk about?

What's going on? Oh, we don't have to get right into it. Let's get into it. It's written down. It's written down naturally. the notes what do you want to talk about what's going on oh we don't have to get right into it naturally it was just more for like you know sometimes if stuff lag or something or if i feel like if i feel like i don't have something right right and then i'll like peek at it real quick right okay right now we're fresh oh we're fresh okay good to see you. Good to see you, too, man. Yeah. Sorry about Monday. Oh, no worries, man. No, shit happens.

I just did not. I was still in New York. I had booked my flight in the morning, and I just could not go. You just couldn't do it? Why? I don't know. You were too tired? It wasn't just a tight.

It was just more of a... Just didn't feel like going? Yeah, it was just a... It was the five hour thing and i did it today actually i flew in today but it was just that sometimes you just don't want to do it it was just that flight i was like oh i don't know if that's the beautiful thing about being a young successful single man you could do whatever the fuck you want to do it was uh yeah yeah but i'm'm excited to be back.

Got weird last time. Oh, here? Yeah. The last time was the Sam Harris one, right? That's been a year? Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah, that did get a little weird.

Hey, alcohol. Alcohol is a motherfucker. It's amazing it's legal. It is. It's amazing. It was just, yeah, should have uh i should have went to the comedy store which i still did do yeah did a terrible set did you well we got terrible set we did a podcast and got drunk and then you hung around for the second

podcast yeah well you said sit in and i was was like, yeah, sure, sit in. Yeah. It was Sam Harrison. Who else was it? It was the guy whose podcast it is. Oh, Josh Zeps. Josh Zeps. He fucking loved it.

Of course. It got a crazy buzz. Yeah, he loved the controversy. But it was kind of gross. Even though I love Josh, you could see it while it was going on that he loved it. Really? Yes, yes, yes. Yes.

He was, yeah. He enjoyed it. Well, you it while it was going on. They loved it. Really? Yes, yes, yes. He was, yeah. He enjoyed it. Well, you were teasing it out too. Because I started getting messages. What is this crazy Hannibal, Sam Harris? And so I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Because I knew once I left, I was like, yeah, that's going to be some weird shit. And then I was fine with it.

But then I kept on getting messages like, what is this? When is that coming out? Well, everybody saw it live, didn't they? No, they didn't. It was not a live thing. That's right, because it was Josh Zepp's podcast. It wasn't mine. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. Fun times. Yeah. It was a fun time. Well, last time Zepp was here, he was talking about killing babies. Really? Remember that? Yeah, he was talking about maybe you should be able to abort a baby six months after it's

born. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? See, did he have notes? No, no notes. See, that's what happened. He wasn't prepared. When you don't have no notes, you're like, yeah, let's kill alive babies. Right?

Let's talk about it. Gay dudes feel very differently about babies. Like, they can't make them, as long as they're doing only gay things. There's no babies being made, so they're so detached from the idea of a baby. Do you think that's... You think that's what he's like? No, I don't. No.

I'm just talking shit. Did he have strong points? No. They were terrible. Straight up killed a six-month-old baby? He was just being controversial. Okay. You know?

I think he enjoys controversy. Yeah. Yeah. Clickbait. Hey, if you're not a comedian, that's a good think he enjoys controversy. Yeah. Yeah. Clickbait. Hey, if you're not a comedian, that's a good way to get attention. Yeah, get a clickbait. What else do you have? You know, I mean, everybody can have a good point.

Right. You know? But can you yell about it? Well, if, yeah. Can you make a meme about it? I mean, we're, our whole society, like our news runs on clickbait now. It's getting more and more slippery, you know? Me and my friends, we call everything fake news now.

Call each other fake news. Like I'm going back and forth with Ari and Bert and Tom Segura because they wrote some article about Bert Kreischer. And Bert is going to swear off a booze for 90 days. Yeah. This is the new bet. He's going to run a marathon and swear off booze for 90 days. Okay.

I don't believe it. Where is he at now? Has he started yet? No. He gets drunk every day. That's the point. I'm like, you're going to die like Amy Winehouse. That's how Amy Winehouse died.

You told him that? Yeah. That's what I said. Oh, man. That's rough. You can't. You got to be like. No.

You got to be honest with your friends. That hard? Yeah. You're going to die like Amy Winehouse? I said, if you just go cold turkey. I told him to lay off. I go, you got to wean off the friends. That hard? Like, you're going to die like Amy Winehouse? I said, if you just go cold turkey. I told them to lay off. You got to wean off the booze. No, that's heroin you die like that.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Heroin, you just get the shakes and you feel like shit. But heroin, you can live. Booze is one of the rare drugs that will kill you if you drop it cold turkey if you're an alcoholic. But do you think, I think there's a difference between heavy drinker and yeah oh yeah alcoholic oh well yeah casual boozer you know like if you booze like maybe if you have like two or three drinks at night and then you quit cold turkey you'll be fine but if you're one of those all-day drinkers yeah and then you quit cold turkey you will die

it's very common it's a it's one of the more common drugs that you die. I think there's like benzos. Those will kill you from withdrawal. There's a few different pharmaceuticals that will kill you from withdrawal. But I don't believe heroin is on that list. I think it's very rare that people die from heroin withdrawal. What? And they get really sick.

Oh. Oh. Yeah. You know who Carl Hart is? Dr. Carl Hart? No. The famous doctor who is- But I trust all doctors with just two syllables in their full name. Well, he's got dreadlocks.

He trusted me more. He's cool. But he's a very, very interesting doctor because he talks about drug use and drug- First of all, one of the things that he points out is like, oh, let's talk about like drug use and drug with, he's like, first of all, one of the things that he points out, it was like, I'll just talk about a drug free society. He's like,

there's never been one. He goes, there's never been one. There's never been a drug for you and you don't know where you want it. He goes, when it comes to whether it's caffeine or alcohol and then pharmaceutical drugs, things that help people. He's like,

we have this, like we decided demonize certain drugs. Yeah. And he's like, the drugs you got to be worried about, like alcohol is one of the scariest ones. Because if you quit cold turkey, if you're a hardcore drinker and you're drinking all the time, you'll fucking die. Well, maybe cough syrup to wean yourself off or something like that. Something light.

I don't think it helps. I don't think it activates the same part of your brain. You know, I was talking to this photographer. I was at this festival this weekend, and she had a film camera. Do you develop your own film? She said, oh, no, you can only develop black and white, because if you develop your own color pictures, the fumes, well, they'll knock you right out.

And so I said, just a little bit of that would be a great time. Just a small... So just get a little bit of that, and you can just... Like huff and paint. Yeah, you can do a goddamn job interview. And nail it. Maybe. Just a little bit.

Just a touch. A smidgen. Just like crack a vial in front of your nose. Like a micro-dose of a little bit of that. Have you ever tried poppers? Do you know what poppers are? Those are those things that they crack them and they sniff it. Amyl nitrate, I think it's called. No.

I did whippers in college. Oh, yeah. I did that when I worked at a creamery. I worked at Newport Creamery. It was like an ice cream place. And they had the ice cream, those big vats of that. What is the gas? Nitrous oxide. Nitrous oxide nitrous oxide right yeah that's what it is yeah and we would uh we would do take like socks off of it that kills a lot of brains a lot that kills a lot of brains i remember

i did one weekend in college and then i think i did on a friday night and on the sunday i was just walking around like, I was just yelling all weird. I don't know if I was forcing the yell just because I was trying to justify how I felt or if it was a natural yell, but yelling was happening. Wow. Yeah. And you couldn't help it?

I don't know. You ever just tweak out by yourself just to – You never just – you absolutely do. After, like, a crazy workout, you workout man yeah i have to work out i'm usually spent well people just tweak out just like i did like a flex like connor at the weigh-in was just tweaking out but it was for show it was for show sometimes you put a show for yourself right yeah change your state of mind just by yourself yeah like people say if you smile it'll change your mind right it'll change the way your brain for yourself. Right. Yeah. Change your state of mind. Just by yourself. Yeah, like people say if you smile

it'll change your mind, right? Yeah. It'll change the way your brain actually feels. Well, if you freak out it probably does that too, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. There's ways to do it. I mean, why else would Indians like Native Americans when they would do those battle cries why else are they doing that? They're getting fired up.

Yeah, you get hyped up by yelling or singing a song. The Haka. Vikings. Yeah, the Haka. Is that New Zealand fired up. Yeah, you get hyped up by yelling or singing a song. The Haka. Vikings. Yeah, the Haka. Is that New Zealand? Yeah.

Yeah, the All Blacks. It is New Zealand, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, well, they were playing. It's this video of them playing the USA team. Oh, yeah. And they're doing this elaborate thing. It's very elaborate and just energetic.

And they cut to the USA team, and they're kind of looking back, kind of just not confused with just what's going on. And they went through this whole thing. It's this right here. Yeah. They did it in a basketball game? Yeah, the basketball game. Give me some volume.

This is ridiculous. You're playing basketball. And it was like, yo, y'all about to get dusted by 45 points. Yeah, what? Look at this. You're playing NBA superstars, you fucking dummies. But it's just for the culture. That's what they do all the time.

But it's just, it seems so. Stupid. Not, well. It seems stupid. If you., well... It seems stupid. If you... If you play basketball, it's stupid. No, I think if you... It's a performance art. Like, the other players clapped.

The Americans clapped. They're like, good job, children. That was... And then that game, what was the final score of that game? 100 million to zero? Is that what it was? It's weird if you do all of that and then get dusted. You get stomped.

That is one of the most unfair things ever, that they let NBA superstars play in the Olympics. That is so fucked up. It was in our country. From our country. But it's so fucked up. It's so fucked up. It's like, look, Andre Ward was an Olympic gold medalist. But if you let him box in the Olympics right now, it would be so fucked up. It's fucked up. It's like, look, Andre Ward was an Olympic gold medalist, but if you let him box in the

Olympics right now, it would be so fucked up. It's just wrong. Well, I don't know. Because the- It's just way better now. The boxing Olympics, they- They don't let professionals. Is it an age cap to it, or is it just-

No, it's just, I don't think they allow professionals. Although, that whole professional, non-professional thing is very very weird now especially now that they let nba players play you know because like there was always talk of that like when they were talking about doing that like it was back when mike tyson was a champ they were like well what the fuck what if you let mike tyson box the olympics good luck well the the players from the other teams are pros too yeah i Yeah. I mean, the other countries. Well, Spain has some solid players, and some of them are NBA players. Paul Gasol, Marc Gasol, Rudy Gonzalez, a couple other players that played in the NBA. Australia actually put up a decent team.

They got Bogut, maybe Patty Mills. I might be fucking out. But they have a handful of pros from other countries and in those pro leagues that have been competitive against the but not those guys but there's pros and then there's american pros it's a joke when it comes to basketball there's no competition it's kind of a joke isn't it it's getting close it's getting close it was for a second for a little bit it's getting's getting close. Spain has some guys. And Spain has a bunch of guys in the league. So when Spain plays the USA, it's basically like some NBA players playing against other NBA players.

You know what I mean? Versus random dudes. Instead of it being random dudes from Spain. It's actually, you know, they might be playing. One of the guys on USA might be playing, one of the guys on USA might be playing against one of their real NBA teammates. Interesting. Yeah.

The rules are a little different, too, in international basketball. What's the difference? For instance, you can goaltend, but once the ball hits the rim, you can swat it off. In the NBA, in all-American basketball, pretty much, you can't even touch the ball if it's anywhere close to the rim or above it. So it's like a, that's a whole extra rule if you're seven foot tall. Right. You can just snatch the ball every time it gets near the rim, basically.

There's a couple other little small ones to bump it and shit. It's interesting how other countries used to be non-competitive in certain, like boxing is a perfect example. For the longest time, the American boxers were head and shoulders above the rest of the world. Yeah. Yeah. Like, especially like in the heavyweight division, like it wasn't even close. They're like, there was Henry Cooper who hurt Muhammad Ali real bad.

That was an interesting story. This is back when Muhammad Ali was still Cassius Clay before he became Muhammad Ali. And Henry Cooper was like the big English heavyweight. And he rocked Muhammad Ali with a left hook. And you know what like the big English heavyweight. And he rocked Muhammad Ali with a left hook. And you know what Angelo Dundee did? He cut Muhammad Ali's gloves. He went back to the corner, and he just sliced his gloves.

He's like, hey, we gotta change these gloves. These gloves are fucked up. So they bought him all this time. They had to undo the tape. Oh, shit. Yeah, they had to undo the tape, get another pair of gloves. Like, they cut his fucking gloves. Because that's the type of tricks you could do in the 60s. Yeah, they had to undo the tape, get another pair of gloves. Like, they cut his fucking gloves. Because that's the type of tricks you could do in the 60s. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, that's what they did. But if you ever see the fight, he got cracked, like more than he ever got cracked in his entire career. Google Henry Cooper rocks Muhammad Ali. And so Muhammad Ali, it wasn't Muhammad Ali, it was Cassius Clay back then. So he drops him with the perfect left hook. That was his big punch, too. And Ali just crashes down to his ass, and he's out.

And they gave him all sorts of time. He went back to the corner. They cut the gloves. They took the gloves off. Then he went back and- He got new gloves? They had to. Wow.

They sliced his gloves open with a razor blade They just sliced them. So this is about 10 minutes This is a lot of time time a lot of time because they had to get gloves, you know, they don't have gloves just waiting What was uh, I wonder what the commentators stall game was like you see it right here what these guys used to stall in like It's right here. Boom! Ooh! Yeah, like he is fucking out. I mean, he is rocked.

It's the very end of the round. The very end of the round. So they sit him down. Boom! I mean, that was a perfect left hook. He just got sat down. He's in deep trouble. So there's two things happen. One, it's the end of the round. See, he's like really out of it here. Yeah, they're throwing water on him.

And then when they go back, they're like, oh, you know. Oh, so they cut it out of this. They don't show him the clip. They change the gloves. So he's super fresh here. And he wound up stopping Henry Cooper by cuts. See if there's a clip of the

glove change in part. Yeah. That's funny. It's like this is Mike Tyson's old trainer. Not old trainer, but old manager. God damn it, I forget his name. But he was a boxing historian. And he put together all of these videos.

And he used to do the voiceover for a lot of these videos, too. Like right when Customato died, him and Shelly Finkel took over. God damn it, what the fuck is his name? Mike Tyson's old manager. What do you got there? Pulling up? Nope. Nope.

It was an old Jewish guy. Forget his name. But he had a tremendous library of films. And it's one of the things that Mike Tyson used to go and watch. Obviously, we're talking about the early 80s. So this is before VHS tapes. I mean, those things weren't on VHS tapes. So he would watch them on like 16 millimeter.

Actually filmed? Yeah. yeah. Damn. God damn, I'm struggling to remember his fucking name. It's driving me crazy. Something with a J. Anyway, point being, he probably edited that out. Yeah.

They didn't want to show the controversy because it was plain, straight cheating. They just cheated. I want to hear what the commentators did during that stall. Good point. So what? We don't know what's going on. Did they just veer off into other talk?

Sometimes how baseball commentators just start talking about some weird, random shit about their family and cars when it's downtime. You know, I went out fishing this weekend. That lake is great, man. The mosquitoes get to you. But, hey, okay, yeah, high and away. Yeah, baseball players, there's an art to that, right, because there's so much downtime.

Yeah, it's – oh, absolutely. It's so much downtime. I was watching one clip. Oh, absolutely. It's so much downtime. I was watching one clip. I forget what team it was, but it was just one of the – it was somebody at bat, and then one of his teammates was just exactly mocking his –

just imitating his batting style and ritual, just from every little nuance to just what he would do with his left foot, and then he was doing that for all his teammates. Because you got so much downtime. Right. And you're around them 162 games plus practice. So you're like, yeah, I know exactly all of your moves. All your mannerisms.

Exactly. Every one of your mannerisms down to the eye twitch. My high school wrestling coach refused to call baseball a sport. He's like, it's not a sport. It's a skills game. It's a skills game. But you do have to run. You have to run.

It's not my favorite sport, but I respect it a lot. You know who Javi Baez is from the Cubs I don't know anybody who's playing baseball unless they get arrested that's a lot of people you gotta be arrested or you gotta fuck J-Lo

that's how a lot of people find out Javi Baez is one of the best defenders in the league makes incredible plays and where you

that's that's athletics if somebody oh for sure yeah it's certain but it's a lot of skill involved, but it's definitely, they're definitely athletes, I think. Yeah, they are, but it's like, there's a big difference between that and say, like, basketball.

Like, you have to be in some extreme cardio to play basketball. You're running back and forth and back and forth, and, you know, those guys are always sore after games, and, you know, they got fucking plantar fasciitis and shoulder issues it's constant activity there's no you know you can be in left field a couple innings and not do anything just chilling out there yeah with your own thoughts talking to the fans and shit yeah yeah it's none of that in basketball just standing around except for doing free throws or downtime,

but baseball players might go, especially if the pitch is killing it. Yeah. You just get into your fucking stands half-heartedly,

but you know it might not be coming out there. That's the other thing about baseball. The fans will torture you if you're sitting out there. Oh, yeah,

that's a long time to be out there, especially on an away game. Plus they're drinking. There's 18 minutes of action in your average Major League Baseball game. Wow. That's like less than one fight. You know?

18 minutes of action. That's like one championship fight or less than one championship fight or basically one three round fight which is 15 minutes of action it's crazy we act like we made a big discovery and shit yo baseball boring yo we did it well baseball is one of those games like if you try to invent it today they'd be like get the fuck away from here with that that shit is definitely Old school But the other thing About that 18 minutes Of action That's not even Action of

Everybody That's not everybody Moving Right At once Like a football game Right Or basketball

That's maybe Three or four people Moving around Maybe Right Yeah Depends Sometimes it's usually two

If you turn it into Double play Then you know Right It's a handful of people Involved in But yeah It's pretty Boring fucking game That's into double play, then, you know, it's a handful of people involved in. But, yeah, it's pretty chill. Boring fucking game.

That's why I get paid a lot. A lot of games. God, it's crazy how much money is involved in it. People like it, man. But it's gone to, like, Japan. Where else? What other countries adopted baseball? Adopted it?

Took it on. It was super popular in Japan. I know Cuba. Cuba, right. Maybe Mexico. Mexico saying stuff yeah i don't know just guessing it's amazing how little interest people here have for soccer that's what's really amazing when you see uh soccer worldwide and you see how little we give a fuck about it here. Except those annoying white dudes

that like to get really hyped up about it when the World Cup comes around and they scream and yell at bars like they really give a fuck. There's reportedly growing belief that Bryce Harper's next contract could be worth over $400 million. Oh!

I couldn't imagine just that type of scrutiny and attention on my finances like that. Right. There's expectation. This is not even, not the contract is set yet, but when people are talking about what you might make. Oh, so much money. It's a lot of money. It's too much money. It's too much money to be resting over your head.

You think 400 is too well? Say it's about, I don't know. I mean, it depends on what state he lives in, how much money it actually is. Well, it becomes a thing, like with Floyd Mayweather. A big thing about Floyd Mayweather is how much money it actually is? Well, it becomes a thing. Like with Floyd Mayweather. You know? Like, a big thing about Floyd Mayweather is how much money he makes. It's not just that he's a great boxer. It's that he's going to make $300 million.

Apparently it's going to be even more than that. Did you see the pay-per-view numbers? They're talking about 6.5 million pay-per-view buys. Wow. So it's more than $2 million more than the Manny Pacquiao fight. That's insane. Does that include the potential refunds? That's a good question.

Well, to be fair, he did nickname himself Money Mayweather. Well, he did after he was Pretty Boy Floyd. He changed it. But yeah, then he built a persona around, I spend money. He doesn't have to do, I mean, it's cool and good for him, but he did make a big thing about spending money. That one time he showed a $100 million check. Do you remember that? Yeah, it was so stupid.

I'm like, wait, why is that on a regular-ass check? Yeah. It was just on a regular Chase Bank check. It wasn't even- A big cardboard one? Not even that, Or print it out. Or print it out on a... Or even a wire or something.

I want to get that wire. Yeah, laminate that thing. Get it wired. You think that's real? I don't know. Do you really hold it on to a $100 million check? But it was just a regular-ass check that you would buy groceries on in the 80s. Yeah.

Yeah, that shit. $100 million. Yeah. I guess he wrote. 100 million. Yeah. I guess he wrote it to himself, so it's... Mayweather Promotions, general operating account. Yeah.

Yeah. You got 100 million in a Bank of America? I guess so. It seems like he just holds onto it, too. Yeah. Hey.

He doesn't cash it? That's a weird... It's all out of his book bag at one of the... Yeah, I saw. But, I mean, why is he hanging on to that? You should probably cash that.

Well, it's in his other account anyway. It's Mayweather Promotions' account. Who cares? So the Mayweather personal account, the checking. So he's probably going to make more than $300 million from this last fight. Sure. Yeah. Amazing.

I can't imagine that they won't do that again. That him and? Conor won't do it again. That him and... Conor won't do it again. With Mayweather? Conor can figure out how to not get tired. Yeah. If he can convince people. Like, say if he fights Paulie Malignaggi.

He's not. Beats the shit out of Paulie Malignaggi. And then says, Floyd! Let's do it one more fucking time! And I think Floyd would be like, Nah, man. Come on.

We did that already. I know, but he starts thinking about that money. If you could figure out a way to get people excited about it, Conor could somehow or another get more people to pay attention. Because it was an interesting fight for the first three or four rounds.

He made it look interesting, but it really wasn't interesting. I thought it was interesting, but then when I thought back, it wasn't interesting. Well, he caught Floyd clean. You know, he caught him with an uppercut in the first round. Nobody hits Floyd clean like that. Floyd underestimated him, I think. Floyd also wasn't doing that shoulder roll.

No. Because he didn't believe in Conor's power. So Floyd usually boxes. Do you think that's what it is? You always see him boxing that. He boxed Canelo, and he does that, and he goes off of that counter. I don't think that's what it was. I think he knew that Conor was going to get tired if he was backing up.

You know that Conor has endurance problems. And as long as he wasn't throwing a lot of punches, which Floyd wasn't, and he's constantly faking and moving, he's got Conor backing up, it's way easier to be defensive if you're not being offensive. So if you're not thinking about hitting the guy, if you're constantly fainting and you've got your hands up and you're moving forward, but really what you're thinking about is what he's throwing, you can get away with a lot.

And you can press forward a lot more because you're going to see the punches coming because you're not really thinking too much about throwing your own punches unless there's a clear, wide opening. So for the first couple of rounds, he was mostly putting pressure on him, sizing him up. When I watched it after the fight, it became way more obvious. While you're watching it, you're like, what's going to happen? What's going to happen?

Once you already know what's happened, then I watched it and I said, oh, I can see exactly what he's doing. He's fainting, putting a lot of pressure on Conor, and he's making Conor back up a lot, which is exhausting. And then also, Conor's not very efficient. He's not a boxer. So there's a lot of energy being wasted. He's going to get tired more easily. And then he doesn't run, so he doesn't have the same kind of endurance that Floyd has.

There's a lot of factors in there. Yeah. It was 111 punches, but some of them were like... Yeah, the ones that Conor landed, you mean? Yeah, there was a few of them that were like little poops. There were also weird ones, like little patty pack punches to the side of the head and shit. Yeah, in the back of the head.

This is one meme that shows Conor like this, and it just says, fuck this boxing shit. Well, you know, you get used to that in MMA. You know, you get used to hammer fists. Well, I think that's what I saw. I was talking about that, and a lot of other people were just wondering if muscle memory is going to just kick in, and he's going to do some weird information. And it did kick in a little bit, but not to the extreme.

Yeah, I think there was some massive penalties. If he had any sort of a point deduction or anything that they did, something illegal, I think he had a massive penalty. More than a million dollars for each thing he fucked up with. I heard it was like 10 mil. 10 mil for each one? That makes sense. That 10 mil for each one makes you sense that 10 mil for each one

makes you get your shit together as long as he doesn't get disqualified it might be worth it like 10 million for one fucking knee to the body I didn't know you used to fight until after the last time I did the podcast I just thought you got it worked out a lot

and just really liked mixed martial arts and combat. Well, I never fought in mixed martial arts because it wasn't around. But kickboxing. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, because I remember just seeing somebody say, yo, you talking about Rogan like that? He'll kick you in your shit.

And I'm like, what? And then I looked up Rogan kickboxing. And I'm like, what the fuck? This whole time it was she was kicking the shit out of her back yeah yeah how'd that feel man to hit somebody feels weird the bag oh bags easy yeah bags don't hit back when's the last time you hit somebody in in anger or in competition it's been a long fucking time in anger neither one

even longer in anger it's probably high school but in competition when I was 22 or something like that that was a

Taekwondo tournament I was 19 then oh and that was you yeah with the walk off that was me with the walk off

if you kick somebody to the body like that a spinning back kick to the body so much bulletproof though doesn't matter that thing that's just moral protection oh man helping you so what was your at that moment when you saw him laying down he's dead i knew he was gone but i'm not dead you know what you're thinking damn he's not getting out oh was it one yeah you have to walk away and like make it look like it's no big deal. That was how my thought process was. Don't get excited. Make it look like this is what I'm going to do to everybody.

Just relax. Just walk off. And have everybody so nervous that you don't even care. Like, this is just a normal thing for you. You kick people. They go unconscious. They fall down. They can't get up.

You've got to have the people, because you're in a tournament, so you're going to be fighting a bunch of people who are sitting around watching. And they're watching. Yeah, you might have to fight three or four times in a day. Who was there rooting for you? My teammates, guys that I train with. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't even seem, like, even when I watch that,

it doesn't really feel like me. So long ago. Just the hair. Well, not only that. I mean, I also have a head protector on the back of my head. They would wear these head protectors. Either you could wear a full one that covers your whole head, like over your ears, or you wear one that's just the back of your head, which is really just there so when you get knocked out,

your head doesn't fucking bounce off the ground. Yeah. Because we were fighting on a basketball court. If you look at that, that's just a wood floor. Shit. Yeah, there's a lot of that we fought on a hockey rink once where they put a plastic sheet down on a hockey rink so it was uh not the ice but the cement underneath the hockey rink so we're basically fighting on cement

so the 80s were terrible it's fucking awful bad for brain damage that's for sure a lot of people got fucked up knocked, and bounced their head off the ground. Jesus. I saw a lot of that. Yeah. Not good. And for no money. That's the thing.

There's no future. No future and no money. For the love of the game. Well, I guess it prepares you for life, and also you wanted to find out. I wanted to find out how I would do, you know? I wanted to find out what it would be like to compete under high stress situations like worrying about someone kicking you in the face yeah I'm I'm glad most people can't kick somebody in the face so I'm glad that's whenever I go to a UFC fight or MMA I just whenever somebody gets kicked in the face I'm like man if I got kicked in the face, I'm like, man, if I got kicked in the face, I'd be so disappointed.

It's not good. It's not. It looks crazy. Yeah, it's terrible for you. The thing is, more people can kick people in the face now than I think at any other time in human history. I think there's a lot of fucking people that can kick people in the face now because of watching MMA and internet taking classes yeah training I think more people are training now than than ever before for sure there's way more people that can strangle people than ever oh yeah 100% because the choke is easier to learn no it's just more people

doing jiu-jitsu than any other time in history like before like in my early martial arts days there was no one that was doing grappling, really. Like, I wrestled in high school, and then there was no, like, jiu-jitsu classes. There was, like, you could take judo. Like, there was judo, but there was very few, like, actual, like, submission grappling schools or anything like that. Even nationwide, there was a small handful. Nobody knew what the fuck they were doing. Now, everywhere you look, there's a jiu-jitsu school.

Yeah. Like, I was down in San Diego. Diego just San Diego alone which is not a big city they must have a hundred jiu-jitsu schools just in San Diego shit it's crazy I'm gonna start sponsoring more fighters yeah are you remember I sponsored one and she missed wait yeah and Invicta right yeah yeah she's fighting more I am some other people reached out. I got to just get some new designs for the clothes. That's what's been holding me back. I got to get some new designs. That was an okay design,

but I had to mix it up a little bit. Do you have your face on her ass or something like that? It was around the whole body. It wasn't just the ass. It was just in case, you know, just in case she got knocked out and fell on her face. Then, boom, HannibalBurris.com. Yeah, you could do it in some organizations still.

There it is. There it is. Oh, yeah, all over. That's hilarious. And she didn't make weight. That's a bummer. She didn't make weight. I think it's harder for girls to make weight.

Well, she was cutting. Well, she's fighting next week at i think she was trying to fight at 115 and she's fighting at 125 now or she was trying to fight i think she's trying to fight at 105 and now fighting one either or she's cutting less weight she's cutting less weight this time that was the other thought about the connor fight a lot of people thought that connor cut too much weight that's one of the reasons why he burnt out. Yeah. That's part of it. I think it was a factor. He does cut a lot of weight and that does drain your body. And it's not like when he's training, he's cutting that weight because he's not, you know, like you only do it once. You do it right before the weigh-ins. You weigh in

and then you put the weight back on. So all that endurance training, all those hard rounds that you did, that's not after you're dehydrating yourself severely. So your body's not used to operating at that level with this situation. Yeah. Well, he's used to it because he fights in MMA like that. But MMA, you get more chances to take a break. It's different. It's more exhausting. It could potentially be more exhausting because there's grappling and there's kicks and there's just a lot more going on. And you're fighting five-minute rounds. You have more of a chance to get tired in that five-minute rounds.

But when you clinch with someone, you could actually hold on to them. Your referee's not going to break it. You can take them to the ground and get on top of them. You can hold your position and catch your breath. There's more opportunities to recover. Right. that weight cutting is the worst part of fighting 100 it seems it was even the fighter that uh janessa was supposed to fight that day she took a picture of herself and she made weight. But it looked terrible. I was like, ugh.

It was definitely 105, now that I remember, because 115 wouldn't look crazy like that. Well, it could if you were cutting a shitload of weight. Well, no, I mean, it could, but 105, it was just like, she was like, I made weight. And I was like, yo, you okay? Look, it was just, she put in a phone on Instagram. I'm like, you know what? She tried. She tried to make weight.

Shit, who cares? A few pounds. But I guess those few pounds matter, obviously, if somebody's overweight and didn't go through the strenuous process that you went through, then they come in at an advantage. Yeah, you have an advantage if you're not dehydrating yourself as much. But that advantage is crazy. Like, they should stop doing that. They really should figure out a way to stop fighters from cutting weight like that what's the alternative the alternative is to weigh them like randomly the same way they catch people

with drugs like when like random drug tests do random weight tests like they show up and they go oh hannah but look you're 175 pounds you're supposed to be fighting at 155 what the fuck is that like okay and then they catch you again okay well you're 176 pounds today well you're definitely You're 175 pounds. You're supposed to be fighting at 155. What the fuck is that? Like, okay. And then they catch you again. Okay, well, you're 176 pounds today. Well, you're definitely not fighting at 155. And they'll give you a weight parameter. Like it says it's healthy for you to cut 10 pounds.

You've got to fight at 166. Okay. That's your weight class. So it'll force fighters to be more disciplined about their actual weight. Like you can't balloon up in between rounds or in between competition. And you're also, you know, you have to think about how much weight you could actually dehydrate out of your body healthy. California has some new laws. Like, they'll only let you cut a certain amount of weight.

Like, they periodically measure people, like, during their camp. They give them an opportunity and they measure them during their camp. And that was one of the reasons, like, Hennon Burrow, who was the bantamweight champion, he fought Aljamain Sterling, but they wouldn't let him fight at 135. They made him fight at 140. Okay. Because, like, he cut too much weight.

Is that a catch weight? Yeah. Yeah. I think that should be the option for the crazy fighters, just to whatever weight you want to be class. That should be one. Like for the fighters that might not be active or not on the bill, we got this spot, like a guest spot.

A guest spot. A guest spot on the comedy show. You know, somebody just pops up. Hey, a pop-up fight. No matter what the weight is, these two fighters, whatever the fuck weight they want to be, they've agreed to fight. we got this guy coming in at 165 this other guy coming in at 215 they've agreed to fight each other you're cool with that like old school ufc one yeah like the old school but not crazy you know not sumo wrestler versus you know 100 pound dude but

how much weight 30 pounds difference like Like, what's the cap? I think it's up to... Leave it up to the person. It's a guest spot. It's the guest spot fight. Well, a lot of people do that in grappling tournaments. In grappling tournaments, they have the absolute division. In the absolute division,

sometimes the lighter guys win the whole thing. Yeah. But there's no hitting. That's the thing about grappling. You know, it's like you can get by in skill and technique and an understanding of positioning. Whereas, like, you know, you're fighting a guy like Francis Ngannou or someone like that. Just a giant 265-pound dude. If you're a 150-pound guy, you're fucked.

You're just fucked. That guy, he's, what, 8-0 or something? 10-1. 10-1. Yeah, I think he lost one of his early fights. The commission, okay, look at that. They have a 10-point plan to curb the weight cutting while protecting fighters. Fighters now normalized in the commission's rules are a steeper fine for missing weight.

A 10% cap on the weight of fighter is allowed to gain between the time the weigh-ins oh that's interesting and an event uh and the weight class restrictions for those who miss weight more than once they also recognize four new weight classes i think that's huge have a bunch of weight class they should have weight classes every 10 pounds that guy andy foster he's the california state athletic commission executive director he's the California State Athletic Commission executive director. He's the shit. That guy's awesome. He really is the most proactive out of all the Athletic Commission guys. So that's it. They'll figure it out.

They ban the use of IVs, which is interesting, too, because IVs help you considerably to rehydrate. Sure. Yeah. They banned them? Yeah, they banned them. They don't want people relying on that. Stay thirsty, motherfucker. Stay thirsty.

Get punched. It's fight time. All these articles about Kevin Durant, about talking shit about Under Armour. Dude, that crushed their stock yesterday. It's crazy. It's crazy. Kevin Durant is the Trump of basketball shoe stocks? No, you know what he did? He was just casually commenting about how kids will pick schools based on what sneakers they're going to have to wear.

Pretty true. Yeah. NBA star Durant takes a shot at Under Armour. But he just said it in a matter-of-fact sort of a way. He's like, kids don't want to play in Under Armour. See, look at this. Nobody wants to play in Under Armour. I'm sorry.

The top kids don't because they all play Nike. On a podcast. Yeah, dude. On a podcast interview, drop the stock. Is that what it was, a podcast? Yeah, the Ringer podcast. Oh, the Ringer podcast. It dropped the stock 3%.

You know how much money that must be? For a giant company like Under Armour, 3%, that's a billion-dollar-plus company. 3% is probably tens of millions of dollars, right? Get a bounce back, though. How much is the actual difference? Oh, it's down 44% since the start of the year. Oh, that's not good if it's already been sliding. We're going to bat real quick.

Yeah, there's a lot of issues with under armor and hunting too a lot of people think that under armor is uh they're they're worried about their hunting division because like anti-hunters they're like the only gigantic company that has the stones to support something that's as controversial as hunting they haven't been around very long though either, right? Under Armour? 15 years maybe? I think it's a good question. I think they're from the 90s. I read some Adidas started back long, long

time ago. Oh yeah. Two brothers and that's where Puma started. The two brothers started Adidas and Puma or something like that. Adidas is from, remember Run DMC? My Adidas! That's like 1980 something. They're just now rebounding from the problems is from, remember Run DMC? My Adidas! That's like 1980-something. They're just now rebounding from the problems that Nike is... Did you pee that quick?

You're a wizard. How the hell did you do that? Listen, man. You just got a hatch? Just open it up and pour it out? I'm trying to be professional. That's the craziest, fastest pee I've ever seen. You've downed three waters since you've been here, man. You like all this talk about these fighters dehydrating yourself. You're like, fuck that. I don't have to live by those rules nope not in that in this game we're talking about under armor they

they uh they have a hunting division and they take a ton of shit because i know those uh there's a bunch of like crowdfund things not crowdfunds what are those things uh no it wasn't a fun thing it was a crowd something or another that were going after Cameron Haynes because they were calling him a trophy hunter, and they were trying to get Under Armour to drop him. But then you look at how many people. Their hunting division is this tiny division, and then Under Armour itself, the company, is just gigantic.

It's very interesting. There's not a lot of companies that would be that big that would support hunting. It takes a lot of balls. Yeah. That means the CEO is definitely into hunting, and he's like, this is my buddies. Yeah, exactly what it is.

Yeah, because he's a hunter. Well, yeah, the owners. And it's like, can you imagine if Nike got into hunting? Like, there's no way. Nike was in golf with Tiger Woods, and obviously he was a gigantic athlete for them. But now that he's not out there even playing golf, their golf division, I think they just closed it this year. They don't even make anything anymore.

They'll make some clothes and some shoes. They're putting golf spikes on the bottom of Jordans, but they don't make clubs or anything anymore, I think is what they're doing. They're just putting golf spikes on the bottom of Jordans. Get some of those extra Jordans out there from the recall section and just throw some spikes on there and just get them out to the U.S. Open. Well, we were talking last night about rappers that get sponsored by shoe companies at the store. Like, I didn't know that rappers had contracts with shoe companies.

For years. Nike announces it will no longer make golf clubs, balls, and bags. We just said Adidas and Run DMC. They probably for sure had a contract. Jay-Z, 50 Cent, and Jay-Z had a commercial. Rapping back and forth with each other. Who else? Kanye has his own shoe.

He has his own. Yeah, but he had it with Nike originally and then went to Adidas. But it's only rappers. Could you imagine if a comic kevin hart kevin hart kevin you have to go to the next absolute level stratosphere as a comic or i mean unless you really want to do it and do it on a on a small artisanal level then you could you could do whatever you want to do. Yeah, I guess, right? That's a weird thing, though, that rappers get sponsored by shoe companies. Why? Well, like Kendrick Lamar.

He's got some sort of a shoe company thing, right? He's a popular person. Huge. Yeah. Right. But does that guy work out? I think Kendrick probably works out. Probably.

A little bit. Because you know what? Certain rappers, I can tell that guy work out? I think Kendrick probably works out. Probably. A little bit. Because you know what? Certain rappers, I can tell that they work out based on their show. Really? Oh, because they have energy? Well, not even just energy, but if your songs and your lyrics are very dense, and you're rapping, that takes a lot of breath control and cardio especially if you're not doing it if you don't have a hype man on stage with you a hype man a

hype man is somebody just it's not just for energy it's so you can catch your breath and so he'll take those last couple words on the line and then you catch your breath and you come back because a lot of people don't have the breath control so a lot of times even if somebody's not ripped they're in shape their lungs are in shape if they can do a whole a whole show of just you know kind of rapid fire songs and shit yeah i never thought about that a hype man huh yeah that's what the hype man i mean as far in it is definitely they bring the energy up but a lot of time if you see a rapper and at their show and they don't have a hype man they're like you know i could spit my own shit all the way i don't need a hype man yeah

yeah especially if they're fast with their lyrics right yeah and kendrick doesn't you know he doesn't rap over his own beats that's a pet peeve of mine a lot of big rappers, and they will just rap over the song, the actual song. Oh. At their own. Lip syncing almost. Pretty much just rapping over the shit at their own concert. Now, I'll get sometimes if, say, you pop up at somebody's show to do a guest spot as a rapper, and you do your biggest song, this person's DJ doesn't have your instrumental.

He only has a regular track. Didn't rap over that, but it's your show. I don't want to hear you rap over that because you're just rapping over this well-produced song. I'd rather just hear this shit crispy in a club. Right. Yeah. Yeah, just otherwise you're just seeing their presence

and that's enough. Yeah, it's just, I mean, it's still, you know, it's still fun, but it's just not, when you know what the alternative is which is you being a good polished performer Yeah, come on man. Just don't rap over your shit. Yeah, that's a weird pop thing right pop singers They're kind of allowed to do it when we know they do it when they get busted It's a huge deal like what was the girl Ashley with the fuck? That was a big disaster, right?

She kind of vanished after that. Bad timing for that, too. Bad timing? Yeah. She had a show. They were trying to ramp her up on TV. They were following the diary of Ashley Simpson. Oh, yeah.

They pulled the plug on that fucker. That's it for her. Yeah. Ever heard about her again? Not really. Not really, right? Saw her at a party. That was like 15 years ago, right?

At least. Not 15. I think it might have been. Nah, it was like... Easy 10. Easy 10? Easy 10. Well, I worked there in 2009, so it was a couple years before that.

I'm going to guess 06 for my... I'm looking at 02. What is it? 2004? Oh, shit. Wow. Yeah. Damn. 13 fucking 2004? Oh, shit. Wow. Yeah. Damn.

13 fucking years. Time will fly. Yeah. It does not wait for you. You got to be, yeah, if you're going to be a person who sings on stage and moves around on stage and you're not going to be going over your track, you have to be in some serious shape. Yeah.

It's to put on a solid show. Yeah. You got to. She some serious shape Yeah it's uh To put on a solid show She promises new music In 2017 You just fucking rebroke Ashley Simpson Breaking her music now Where'd you find out Yeah but this is December 14th 2016

She promised it She's 45 now look at her She's got kids She teaches yoga. She found value in other things besides show business. Sometimes you got to. Good for her. It's probably a good move for some people, you know?

Just get out. We were looking at, what the fuck's his name, Mick Jagger's routine. Mick Jagger's 185 years old, and that dude works out twice a day. He does yoga. He lifts weights. He has trainers. He's just doing everything to try to keep his body together like hang in there mate i want to keep fucking supermodels hang in there is this girl like 27 yeah he's got like an 18 year old girl i train five six days week, but I don't go crazy. I alternate between gym work and dancing.

Then I do sprints, things like that. I'm training for stamina. He's shredded, though. They had a picture of Mick Jagger, like his body. Eight miles a day. Damn, he runs eight miles a day swimming, kickboxing, and cycling. How old is he? He's got to be like 72, right?

Let's take a guess. How old do you think Mick Jagger is? I think 72 is good. 72, 73. I remember seeing something. When we were kids, 72-year-olds were dead. Absolutely. There was nothing left.

You were on empty. Your body was falling. 74. Damn. He's almost 80. Like, you were on empty. Your body was falling. 74. Damn. He's almost 80. He's almost 100 then. How long is he going to live? I don't know.

How old is Melanie Hamrick? How old is Melanie? Oh, is that his girlfriend? Look at her. Hot as fuck. Oh, she fucking is. Born in 87. She's 30.

Oh, Mick, you dirty dick. She's just turned 30, and he knocked her up, right? Didn't he shoot a live one in there? Yeah. What are the odds that kid's going to come out and not have superpowers? All this stuff that he's taken to stay young. Wow, that's crazy. 30 years old.

Here's what I want. She's hot. Mick Jagger, because because of that's the baby giant head look the kid can read minds the kid's head's filled with vitamins and anti-aging serum look at look at her she's like your daddy's 74 your daddy's older than the president yeah we have to find you a positive role model because your daddy probably won't be around very much longer. Have you heard of Maroon 5 at all? When you're 74 and you're having a kid, that is super ambitious. Like, you're optimistic as fuck to be 74 and have a kid. Yeah.

I'm 34 and I'm like, yo, I need to fuck it. If I'm going to have kids kids I need to make something happen over the next couple years yeah it's a good move but I would never 74 of a brand new one yeah that's super bold I guess it's just like you know

you know who's got a great story about that you know Theo Vaughn do you know Theo yeah hilarious dude he's fucking hilarious his dad was like in his 70s when he had him oh and he's got hilarious stories about going to school and like telling people that's his grandpa and being embarrassed that it's his dad that's fair falling asleep everywhere sounds like fair behavior for a kid who's jade jagger this is a girl his first kid's 45 jesus christ oh man that's first kid could be his girlfriend's mom

He might have an older one too I don't know Oh man Is he married to the girl? The new girl? No It says spouse It says spouse?

I think so He's probably like Why not? I'll get married We don't give a fuck Take my money Partner Oh partner

Even better Partner That's how you do it It means I'm giving my money to my kids. Partner means fool me twice, same on me. Fool me three times, I'm senile. Oh, man. I'm going to move in and collect on my estate.

She's listed as lover. Lover. Mick Jags lover. Isn't that funny that we have distinctions? Like, did you or did you not scribble on the paper? Did you or did you not agree to some stupid shit that doesn't make any sense financially? Did you or did you not scribble on the paper? Did you or did you not agree to some stupid shit that doesn't make any sense financially? Did you or did you not? Is your estate at stake with this relationship?

Yes. Is it or is it not? Can you just shoot loads in her random all willy-nilly or does she have access to half of your money? Let me know. Nope. She doesn't. Let me know. What's going on?

What's the deal? What kind of deal would you guys make? That deal is just so weird i have a friend that is a super rich dude and uh he was getting married his wife did not want a prenuptial and he was like well this is crazy like why wouldn't i get a prenuptial like if we stay together like uh we don't have to worry about anything because you know you'll you'll be fine you'll have plenty of money but if we break up why would i be in a situation where you could get half my money yeah you don't think this relationship is gonna last that's why it was no no i think it's gonna last that's why i want a prenuptial because it's not gonna matter right

and if it if it doesn't last let's work out a side deal that is not half yeah you can't just hold that over me like well his ex-wife held it over him. Like, he didn't have a prenup. And when they got divorced, it was a disaster. And so then he was going into a second marriage. And this lady was like, I don't want a prenup. And he was like, what? I've already done this.

Like, the fuck out of here. It's a tough combo, man. Yeah, it's like if it works out, it works out. That's a, yeah, that's a heavy, I've had some heavy combos in my life, but that's one of the ones where, we've been kicking it for a couple years, but I don't want you to, just in case this goes poorly, let's just get this out of the way real quick. You've got to be careful at what stage of the relationship you do this to, because in the beginning, if you decide to get married after six six months, you're like, you're on drugs, right?

You're blissed. You're blissed out. You can't believe the relationship's working so well. It's amazing. She's incredible. She's my life. She's my partner. She's my soul.

She's my partner. She's everything to me. Then you just get sick of each other about two, three years in. And then what's that seven year itch? You know that seven year itch? I have not had a relationship that long. That's when she starts talking to a lawyer. And she goes, okay, listen, let's just, if I get divorced now.

And then the lawyer goes, well, how much money is he making now? Does he have any other financial opportunities that are on the table that could perhaps increase his wealth over the next few years? Because you might want to hang in there for a few. Start thinking about it mercenary-like. Like if I just get to 11 years, if I get to 11 years, then he gets the CEO position

and then starts making X amount of money. Sounds terrible. Just the idea of living in a house with a woman and then she starts hating you or resenting you at some point and then starts plotting leaving while all this while just still yeah just living in the house hey hey honey blah blah and then just just

going through the motions of what a marriage is supposed to be yeah but secretly gonna end it and she kind of knows exactly when she's gonna end it that That sounds terrifying. It's terrifying, but it's also adorable. It makes me laugh. It makes me laugh because it's so silly because it's like such a human thing. Like it's not, it's such a cultural and a human thing and it's this weird lottery. Like this is the reason why men are attractive

to women at all when they're really wealthy, if they're gross. You know, if you see a gross dude, like who's that guy, Rupert Murdoch, the guy who owns Fox? Yeah. He's like, he's old as fuck. He's like, doesn't take care of his body. He's kind of like, but he's got this hot wife.

Right? There's something adorable about that. Because it's this weird human folly thing that we got going on. Provider and security and all that shit. It's a little bit of that. Allure and power,

blah, blah, blah. But it's also a scam. And what's interesting is a guy like that becomes attractive because he's wealthy and the woman's not wealthy, right? You gotta assume

if she was worth a billion dollars he wouldn't be attracted. She'd just start fucking her personal trainer and I'll buy you a Ferrari, honey. Eat mommy's pussy. You know, like that kind of shit. But if you get to a situation where you find this old dude and, you know, well, he's just really kind to me.

And other young guys, they just wanted to have sex and leave me. And he just takes care of me. And then what is that? Is that Rupert Murdoch? Secretary of the Treasury Munchen. Oh, yeah. He's got a banging hot wife. That's the lady that got in trouble because she was tweeting about all the different clothes

and things she had on a government trip. She's on a government jet, and she's, like, tagging all the bags she wears and the shoes she wears. Yeah. And she's smoking, and he looks like her dad easily, right? Doesn't he? For sure. Gross sure he's gross Twitter that when you think about how many people have lost jobs and money because of Twitter's really fascinating I've had a situation happen because of but nothing I haven't done any I haven't had a stupid ass right social media

blowout but when you think about how insane it is with that where this is a medium where you can literally control every single word you say and you still say some wild shit that costs you millions of dollars or cost you relationships yeah things you would say around your friends you don't think twice about, and you say it online. What I was going to say about these rich women, though, is that when you're a wealthy man and the woman's not wealthy,

the fact that you're wealthy is attractive. But then, if she marries you, she's rich too now. Now you're just a dude. And now you're gross. And now she wants to stay rich, so she has to just kind of hang in there. Are you talking me out of getting married? Trying to.

Trying to. I always tell people, one day it won't be around. One day marriage won't be a thing. It's going to take time. You know what I spend my money on? What? I do random, which I was caught in a weird internet wormhole last week. I was a little high on some Adderall. High and on Adderall or high on Adderall?

High on weed and on Adderall. Jesus, what's that like? It's great because you have the focus and energy of Adderall but then the creativity of wheat. Yeah, it's a good combo. Do you write like that? Is that how you write? I was planning to write

but I just took some different turns on the internet than I would normally take. I should have written. But it's just, when you take Adderall, what you're supposed to do is when you take it,

you're supposed to get settled with what you want to work on right away and then when it kicks in you'll you'll focus in on it versus you know i think when my shit kicked in i was just on the internet so i just really dug deep into the internet and so uh there was this uh article about this guy on uh this this comedian that has all these funny tweets and so i started looking at his tweets he had good tweets and then one of his tweets said uh i'm uh i'll help my friend go to wrestling school and it was this this young woman that uh wants to go to wrestling she wants to go to pro wrestling school and i went to wwe smackdown a couple days prior so wrestling was kind of on my brain so she had to go fund me and i just paid for her wrestling school never met in my life

i ain't got no cars joe that's adderall and weed just adderall weed and just going to disposable income and just pay for some random wrestling school. Do you just Uber everywhere? Yeah, I rent cars some places. But yeah, when I'm in L.A., I Uber or Lyft around. But where you live? In Chicago, I'll get a rental. But I'm not there that much. Even though my residence is Chicago now, I'm still moving around a lot. And so for my own frugality, I can't justify having a car yet.

Really? That's interesting. I'm going to get one. I'm going to break out of it. My dad is super cheap, and so that just kind of is burning to me. So I'm still, I'm lightly extravagant and cheap and practical

at the same time. That looks like an extravagant watch. What is that? This is, I don't know the name. Barrera. It's beautiful. I bought it because I was hyped before.

I was shopping before. I did some shows at Radio City with Chappelle. And so I was right before soundcheck. I was like, I need to buy a shirt. I bought a nice shirt. And then I was like, fuck it. I'm going to get a nice watch. And it wasn't, it's not that crazy.

It was like 700 bucks or some shit. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's reasonable. Yeah. It's a reasonable, it's going to get a nice watch. And it's not that crazy. It was like 700 bucks or some shit. Oh, okay. It's reasonable. Yeah, it's reasonable. It's too much for a watch, but not any stupid. See, that's the one thing that fucks me up about watches. Like, if you told me that watch was 10 grand, I'd be like, oh, okay.

Like, it's the same thing. It looks like it could be a 10 grand watch, right? Watches are weird like that, man. Watches are weird, but it just kind of, they pop on stage a little bit and it is that you know it's a bracelet with the time yeah did you see that Floyd Mayweather watch we're talking about that the LaFerrari that's all crystal 600 futuristic shit 600 grand on watch 600 see I could never never yeah this is is still, even still now when I have this, I'll be like, 700 bucks on this?

Jesus Christ. Guess who had to book that gig in Boise to cover this shit. Can't be doing this. Going to end up on 30 for 30 broke. What kind of car are you going to get? I like the Tesla. Oh, okay. You're going to go electric.

Yeah, I like just the. What if you have to get out of town quick and you have to hope that there's electricity? Like out of town quick? Yeah, like what if some shit goes down? Like what if there's some sort of an earthquake or something? I'll just get somebody else's car. I mean, I got friends and shit. And I'm sure they'll be leaving too, so.

Hop a ride. Yeah. The thing about Teslas that gets me, me i love them i think they're great but you really can only drive them 250 miles yeah i don't give a fuck what they say and even that you better be driving slow because if you're driving fast or if you're driving in traffic like uh my business manager came out to anaheim for the ufc he drove from uh hollywood to anaheim and his shit was dead by the time he got to Anaheim. Oh, because there's traffic.

Yeah. So he was stuck in traffic. And there was no shit off the road to charge up? No, he had to find a superstation. So you got to go sit there for a half an hour at the superstation. And when you do that, it fills up to like 75% or something like that. Oh. Yeah, that part's a little weird.

For city driving, no. Maybe I'll get a used car that's practical for the apocalypse. Why don't you get like a hybrid? Like a Lexus hybrid? Lexus hybrid, yeah. Those are the shit. And you can operate. I think they have a switch where you could operate.

I know they have that for the Acura, the NSX, that new NSX. They have an all-electric mode where you could drive it totally electric. Okay. Or you hit all the switches and it's boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah? And then it's super fast. Plus, it looks fresh. You know what? Yeah, there you go. Lexus hybrid. That's a badass car, too, that coupe, because it's sporty, but it's just understated enough where you're not driving a ferrari or a porsche or something like that but it's a badass car that one right there that what is that the ls lch yeah it's a badass car yeah yeah baby that's what

you need to get you get yourself one of those look at that thing that's slick that's pretty wicked looking car and you know what I like about Lexuses, man? They just never break. This is my second Lexus that I have right now, and I've never had a single fucking problem with them. Those things just never break. You just drive them. They never go wrong. All right.

Customer service is fantastic. They're the best customer service of any car I've ever had. Nice. And they're flashy, but they're not impressing a rapper car i've ever had nice and they're they're like they're flashy but they're not impressing a rapper you know what i mean you don't know what type of rapper though yeah that's true right it was like uh yeah like de la soul they're probably impressed young jeezy might be like look at the looks you know i did this week i uh Young Jeezy might be like, look at the looks.

You know what I did this week? I donated some money to Red Cross for the Houston thing. People get mad at you for that. And then I remembered right away about the Red Cross shit. It was like a knee-jerk donation. I donated to the Houston Food Bank also. But then I remembered about the shit with how they handled the Haiti funds and Katrina

and then I emailed because it was through Amazon Payments I was like hey can I get that money back please

I want to just give it to some other sources oh did you really I haven't got a response but it was just it was one of the weirdest top 10 weird emails I've sent where I asked for a donation back.

Yeah, that's slippery, right? I want it back, though, because I think it'd be better for some organizations on the ground. This is one, Texas, the Texas Diaper, because they need diapers and shit. And they're based in San Antonio, so you can just send I just went on Amazon and just sent a grand worth of diapers.

Just because that made me feel good because it's super specific and you can't really get too fraudulent with diapers. That's a good way of looking at it. Like with product, you just send the product i mean maybe somebody worst case scenario somebody steals it but for the most part if you send in a helpful product that money that shit is getting broken up some of that shit going to the mortgage some of that shit going to like ink yeah it's weird because i guess effective charities have operating costs there's no way around it has to

people got to get paid yeah people have to get paid you have to pay for logistics and planning and and the red cross obviously does a lot of good there's no no doubt they do a lot of good and people just get mad at the accounting thing like how much of the money goes like right you know on it we donated uh money to the Red Cross for Harvey, for Hurricane Harvey. And people were like, yeah, the fucking Red Cross is a terrible place to donate money. And like, okay, you want to say that, right? People want to say that. Yeah.

What's the best thing to donate money? I'd like to know what the best thing to donate for like Harvey is. I think there's some, I did Houston Food Bank. I did that Texas diaper thing. Houston Food Bank sounds like a good one. J.J. Watt has one. The guy he plays for the Houston Texans. There's a few other ones that are on the ground and in Houston or in the area where Red Cross is.

I mean, obviously, I know they have people on the ground, but it's pretty general. Yeah, they handle a lot of different things. But they do a lot of good, too. Like, there's no denying that the Red Cross does a lot of good. But it's that whole accounting thing. Like, people get mad. It's funny, man. There's a lot of people just waiting to get mad at something, even get mad at where you're donating your money.

Well, I think it's just, I think the issue more is that from the little research I did on it, that Red Cross hasn't had full transparency. Right. With how, like, I think people want to know if you give a dollar to Red Cross, what percentage goes to this, what percentage goes to this, what percentage goes to this. Yeah. And I don't think they offer that. And that makes people feel like they're getting shy. Do you think that's because they've been around so long? Like Red Cross has been around for like how many years?

Like 100 years, probably something. Right. And like wasn't until the Internet came along that these questions even came up. But people demanded transparency probably on a regular basis i think it's just because there haven't been that many results from the haiti earthquake where people don't see tangible results and i know i donated a bunch on the phone texting to to uh you know i don't know why clef was doing uh red cross thing if he was doing something separate but i texted a lot just donate when that happened and so i think it's just when people don't

see results for their money it's just like you know they want to especially if you're just trying to help something and then i think that's what makes it worse for people where if you're trying to help and you donate the money to help and you don't really see the results of it then you're like what the fuck yeah the haiti things it's almost like the infrastructure was so fucked up and there was so much damage done down there that you would need untold billions of dollars to fix everything it's like when you donate millions it's like you're barely even going to see any results. I wonder how much damage was actually done to Haiti.

You've got to wonder about Houston. I mean, they're talking about Houston being just catastrophic to the point where some places are never going to recover. It's pretty messed up, man. It's raining there right now. It's still raining. And they were saying about how the constant development that they've been doing there was part of the reason why the flood hit harder. Because they developed on prairie grass or certain land where this land might have soaked up some of that. I mean, it probably would have still flooded,

but it might have been less severe if there weren't any acres and acres of new development. Yeah, I saw that, where they're saying that by paving over these areas, those areas can no longer absorb the water. But it seems like you're talking about, did you ever see the graphic that shows the difference between the amount of water that rained down on Hurricane Katrina versus the amount of water that rained down so far on Harvey? Not even including today. And it's going to rain apparently tomorrow too, I think.

Shit. It's so much more water than, look at the difference. 14 to 15 trillion gallons as of August 28th. And what is today? The 29th? The 30th? Today of August 28th. And what is today? The 29th? The 30th? Today's the 30th. So that's two days ago

of rain, and then Katrina's only 6.5 trillion gallons. I mean, that's amazing. I mean, that's a, I mean, I'm sure it's people that dedicate their lives to this,

but how do you count that? They're out there with scoops and shit, measuring. Rulers and cubic, come on, man. How the fuck do you know? Gall They're out there with scoops and shit, measuring. Rulers and cubic. Come on, man. Get on there, gallows. Come on, man.

Beyond like oil drums, you really, come on. How do you really know? It definitely looks like a lot. And I hope everybody is all right. Yeah. Well, you know, one of the things that I love about tragedies is when people come together and help each other out. And one of the things is there was a line of fishing boats, of dudes pulling fishing boats to go and rescue people. It was like a whole line on the highway of dudes with trucks pulling fishing boats.

And they were dropping them off and they were driving their boat, rather, riding their boat down these flooded roads and rescuing people and bringing them to safety. That kind of shit makes me so happy. That's one of the fucked up things about people. It's like sometimes a bad thing makes people see the good in people. It makes people do good things. Definitely. But how insane of just a juxtaposition does it have to be to, like, you in your crib just watching a show on Sunday, relaxing, you know, Friday. And then a few days later, you have to be saved by boat from this place where you usually just walk out and get the mail.

You have to, somebody has to pull up with a boat. That's insane. They say there's a once every 500 year storm, too. But how the fuck do they know that? 500 years ago, people wrote shit down on bark. You know, they showed like raindrops and skulls. What is that? People with a jet ski in their house?

Somebody saved her with a jet ski. Wow. Yes. My friend's grandmother being jet skied out of her living room in Houston. What about y'all, though? Wow. That house is fucked. There's a lot of fucked houses.

The other thing about Houston, too, is Houston is so damp. Houston in the summertime is so moist. It means they're going to have crazy mold growth. Their mold is going to be off the charts. And that shit makes people sick as fuck. Like, I've had a friend in Austin. His house had to be gutted because he was getting sick. And they couldn't figure out what was wrong.

And they came in and did some sort of a test of the air. And they're like, dude, your house is infested. And so they broke down his walls and apparently there was some pipe leakage or something inside the wall and then just the general moisture of the air the entire walls were filled with this black mold and it was getting everybody sick shit that shit is gross yeah mold is no no joke man that black mold stuff can really fuck you up if you're feeling shitty and your house has mold in it you got to do something about that because there's something going on there that's uh you're you're literally being poisoned by your house damn that tom likus dude had that going on too in la he had to get his house gutted he uh he was feeling sick for

like a year and then finally did something about it found out his house is filled with moles they tear it down to the to the raw frame of the house and have to spray everything with this anti fungal shit and Redo the whole house again shit. How long was he out of house like over a year? How does this says there's a that's what some I'm reading a little article on it says it black mold. Yeah Yeah, it just said it really hit his voice hard fucked up his health It's no joke man. I mean you're breathing these little organisms. I mean spores are these little When you're thinking about mold, it's a like a fungus right those wouldn't you consider mold a fungus? Is that what it is? Yeah, it's spores. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit is in the air, and it's poison.

So you're basically breathing in, like, toxic poison all the time. Yeah. That shit is... I couldn't imagine that shit, man. So you living in Chicago, you don't care about winters? Doesn't bother you? You could live anywhere. I work around it. Work around it.

So in the wintertime, you're like like yeah hannibal's not in town well well here doing gigs in florida so if i yeah i do i book i book myself like that during the winter in in cali and arizona texas florida etc and then if i do a run and i'm scheduled to come back but i don't have any actual thing to do in Chicago that I need to be there for. I check the weather. And if that shit's, like, under 25, then I just chill where I'm at. I just look. That's crazy. And I call down to the front desk and say, extend for two days, please.

Oh, that's a good move. And you just hang out wherever you're at. Just hang out wherever. I'll go to some other warm place for a couple. That's how, I mean, this is my first time being back for a full winter, so that's how I handled it this time, where I would just stay out. Dude, you're living the life. It's nice, man.

You're living a nice life. I rent my place out. It's an apartment building. I rent it out when I'm not there. Do you really? You are frugal. Do you have people live in your house? Do you know these people?

No. Wow. Airbnb. I don't have stuff stuff there. I'm pretty bare bones when I travel and shit. Just a few t-shirts, jeans, a couple things. So your apartment in Chicago, you don't keep a lot of shit there? changed a couple things.

So your apartment in Chicago, you don't keep a lot of shit there? I keep just the basic stuff. TV and whatever you need if you're a traveling person if you be there. And then I stay, when I get back, it's three of them. I stay in whichever one is open. I block out a couple days. Oh, you have three

apartments? Yeah. It's in one building, yeah. That's weird. Three apartments in one building? Why'd you decide to do that? Because it was a, I mean, I got it as an investment property. I plan on getting a separate place to stay in, but that's where I stay now is when I'm there, because I'm not there that much.

That's a slick move. Do I sound like a weird, crazy, cheap person right now? No, you sound weird. I wouldn't say cheap, because you do have a $700 watch. I would say frugal. Frugal is the right way to approach this. Yeah. Yeah.

Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not? I mean, having them sitting around not generating any income doesn't do anybody any good. Absolutely not. I think it would drive me crazy. Yeah.

So you're doing the right thing. It's alright, man. I was at this festival called Afropunk in New York. What's that? It's a music festival and it's just a beautiful festival.

It's all black artists and it's great. And people dress up in the wildest outfits it's a fun time i met the people that uh put it on i met them a few years back they used to come to my show at knitting factory in brooklyn um jocelyn and uh matthew dope people and so backstage uh chilling i was there with a friend. Somebody introduced me to this lady. She says, oh, I, she has, you know, an industry job. Oh, I work here and blah, blah, blah.

We'd love to have you in. And I say, sure. You know, that sounds good. I'd like to do that. It sounded like an interesting thing to do. And so she hands me her phone. And I put in my email and my assistant's email and then give her the phone back. And she was like, you're not going to give your number?

I take that as a sign of disrespect. I'm an OG in this game. And I was super high at this point. And I was like, what is happening right now? She took it as a sign of disrespect that you didn't give her your number

yeah cause I guess she deals with lots of famous people or some shit so the fact that I just gave her emails she just

I never met I met this woman 90 seconds prior to this part of the interview it was so and I'm like what

and I was so high too but I'm like is this really happening right now I really wanted to work with you and I was so high too but I'm like is this really happening right now I really wanted to work with you and I just gave you the info to get in touch with me yeah why do we have to talk on the phone

that's less effective and so I'm like what is happening and then so she goes on about that she went on about it for how long not that long but then she tried to continue the conversation after it's obvious that her vibe has changed.

She went from a, hey, what's up? Yeah, to a very dry oh, so. And so she continued the conversation That's not good. in this kind of dry, weird way where she said, oh, so you're about to go on this tour with Naj and Lauryn Hill.

How do you approach the shows differently? But it's obvious that she's just kind of asking it. She's upset at you. And so then I just answered it. And then she pulls out her phone. And she's like, oh, my friend's over there. And then she goes like this, like Norm. And then I just said, all right, I'm out of here.

I just walked off somewhere else. But then it was such a weird experience that the comedian in me was hoping she was doing some weird Andy Kaufman bit. Was that intense? It was just super weird because everybody was, everybody else was really chill. I wasn't even having any networking discussions

with people like that there. And everybody else was really chill. I'm like talking to other people like, is that, did that really happen? And so I saw her later,

like a couple hours later, I said, was it, were you doing a bit? Was that a joke? And then she tried to play it like she would but i could tell she's like i had to check you like check me for what i gave you my and so but she was really into collecting people that's what she's really into well yeah also she was uh interacting with me based on who else she's dealt with in her past versus just interacting with me as an individual.

So she was just super salty. And I was just so ironic that at this beautiful black festival, the only person being weird backstage is a white woman in her 40s. Taking it as a sign of disrespect. It was crazy. You must have felt, like as soon as she said that, like, oh, this definitely was the right move not to give you my number

because you're fucking crazy. It was just more like, I was wondering, then after I was like, was mine? Like, did, because sometimes I give, I give random people my number all the time,

like random girls I've given but I don't know maybe something in my instinct you knew it just gave it to her yeah

but I've given people my email before too but it was just it was just especially since I was super high I was like what the fuck is happening

well see the thing is for business though email is the best way to contact people like 100% yeah you can email somebody at 3 in the morning. It's nothing. Well, yeah.

Not only that, like, you can- Like, if you say, hey, we're trying to work out the logistics for this thing in February, between February 2nd and 4th. Tell us your availabilities. So then you can sit in front of your computer and look at my calendar. February 4th is my birthday, actually. Hey, happy birthday. Thanks, man.

You look at that shit and you can go, oh, okay, well, here's what I've got. And you could- It's clear. It's more- Having a conversation over the phone, then I remember i gotta write it down hold on let me get a piece of paper or let me dictate it into my phone like that's that's less effective yeah especially it was it was crazy fucking bitch but it's uh crazy yeah it was insane man there's crazy people out there man i've i've met men and women that do that.

They want your number, and if you don't want to give them your number, they get upset. Well, the reason why you're getting upset is the very reason why I don't want to give my number. I don't want someone... Because we shouldn't be in each other's lives. Yeah, you're too excited about getting my number. If someone's that excited about getting your number, you shouldn't give them your number. That's what I think. Yeah, she started name-dropping and shit.

Fuck that. As soon as they start name dropping. She named out a second time. I've done stuff. I've put on events for Obama. Call Obama right now. Wake him up. That's cool. That's really great that you did that. I've done events for Obama. Did Obama give you his

number? You crazy asshole. Obama's giving out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, text me anytime. No matter what's going on with the 7 billion people in the world that I'm handling. Yeah. Well, maybe she's a troll and she knew that she was becoming a podcast story. Is she that? I like to make people, sometimes I like to make people more calculated than they are.

That's like some Illuminati shit. That's like some 3D chess. I don't think so. No, I don't think so. I think she's just a crazy lady. Just a weird show business lady. No, just a crazy lady. Yeah.

Have you, like, completely moved past all the Cosby shit, or do you still take grief for that? Not grief. No, I've, uh... uh well now you're vindicated i was just have a grief it was just where i would uh be forced to talk about it in situations i didn't want to and also it came out the the joke uh and that video came out right before we were starting the rollout for my Comedy Central TV show. And we actually people we push back my announcement because that look opportunistic.

That news was that crazy that we pushed it back by maybe we pushed it back. The premiere announced by a month or two wow because it was that and so so even though i had my comedy central deal in place this in since 2012 i had an all-around comedy central deal and so then when i came out and then i got my show with it well then my show was scheduled to go on the air. It looked like, oh, he did the Cosby joke, and then he got the TV show. It's like, no, man, this is like my fourth development deal, and this is finally the show that I got on.

Isn't it funny how things like that work? Yeah. So that was the thing where instead of just having this show that I was able to, it was this energy around it, you know, in 2005, July, like, yeah, early 2005. It was this energy around it where if I was going to do press around that time, they were definitely going to. What year was it? This was 2015, two years ago.

I said 2005. Sorry, yeah, 2015. that time they were definitely gonna what year was it this was 2015 two years ago 2000 sorry yeah 2015 uh and uh that show in philly was october 2014 so yeah it just kind of really affected the the energy around it as far and and my um want and and eagerness to do a lot of press just because I knew it was going to happen. You knew it was going to come up. Yeah, and I was just like, I was. So that was that. I'm not saying that that's the reason my show's not on anymore at all. Just before people were like, your show sucked.

That's why I said, uh-uh. Did you like doing the show? I did like aspects of it. I like the activity part of it, where there's always something to do. You know what I mean? If you're the face of a show, you got to write, you got to edit, you got to get the writers to do stuff, you got to deal with costumes. It's always a task to do. So I like just to, I know for that, whatever, what, four month, three, four month period,

I was never bored during that time. When I do movies, I'm hella bored. Yeah. Yeah. Like movies, just because there's no, you just sit around and you go say some stuff. It's like baseball. It's absolutely baseball baseball it's absolutely baseball it's absolutely baseball if you talk about a 12-hour day that you spend on a movie shoot is

actually for me 45 minutes an hour of actual acting yeah and shit and i mean well with me maybe 10 minutes of actual acting because i'm not a good actor at all. I'm just saying words. But yeah, this shit is just mind numbingly boring. But the finished product is cool to see and it's dope to be a part of. But when doing it, the director has a lot to, you know, he's moving around and he got a lot of shit to do. And so he might. But yeah, doing it, that shit to do. And so he might, yeah. But,

uh, yeah, doing that shit is boring. It's very boring. There's no other way to do it though. It seems like it's always that way. Uh, I think it depends on the budget of it.

When they got money to burn, then they got time to burn also. But if you're doing an indie movie, then they going to keep it. They going to keep that shit moving. But then, yeah, if you're doing an indie movie, then they're going to keep that shit moving. But then, yeah, if you're doing a... I did this one movie, Band of Robbers. It's on Netflix. And it was just, you know, we were active on that.

It's Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, but in real time. Like in current time. Yeah, so I did that. And that was, I played a few scenes in that, but it was quick. It was no wasted days. Sometimes you go to a movie set, they be like, yeah, get here at 9 o'clock in the morning. You get there, go through the whole shit, get your hair, makeup, get your clothes on. Sit around.

And just sit for a full... I've sat for four days. Yeah. Like, four days, and then... Did nothing. What the fuck was the plan? Yeah. They just want you there in case they get through a scene

and move on to the next one. How did you not even do anything? Were you like, no, we're not gonna... You're not... No, you're good for the day, for the whole, for the whole day. Who planned this out? Now, when you were doing your TV show,

how many months did you do it? You said you did it for like four months? Uh, eight episodes, so it was two months of shooting and then a month or a couple months of pre-pro, yeah. And you enjoyed it? I did enjoy it, I just, do you you enjoyed it i did enjoy i just yeah i enjoyed i want to do a i'll probably do something on tv next year again do a show once i get the

idea right and figure out exactly you think you do comedy central again comedy central needs a show uh they need something i'll do somewhere i'm gonna do what you know what the best choice is i had a good relationship over there still um but we'll see we'll see what it is it's so hard to do what the best choice is. I had a good relationship over there still, but we'll see. We'll see what it is. It's so hard to do those things because you've got to deal with so many other people. You've got so many different cooks in the kitchen, executives, all these different people hanging around. That's one part. I mean, they were pretty chill. They were, it was, it would be weird aspects and just weird things that you would think,

you care about this? It would be a weird line. Like, why do you give a shit about this line so much? But they'll let other shit go, but they'll sometimes give notes on something that seemed pretty insignificant to me. Yeah, I think a lot of times they just want to justify their existence. They want to justify their paycheck and have some sort of

point of view, even if it doesn't make any sense. They just want to add to it. Tweak it a little bit. That was my idea. You see when Hannibal took his hat off and made that little nod? That was my idea. Yeah, conference calls is the word, because everybody feels the need to chime in on a call. And I'm like, I've been on conference calls. I'm like, why am I on this call?

I don't know if I've had a conference call where it just felt really good. Where I was like, that was a good conference call. Glad I did that shit. Never. I had a conference call once and I canceled a show. I was supposed to do a Comedy Central stand-up special on the old regime. And we had a conference call and they had like a transcript of my set and they were going over the material. And they're like, well, you definitely can't talk about this.

And you can't say this. And you can't say it. We got like five minutes in the conversation. I go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop't talk about this. And you can't say this. And you can't say, we got like five minutes in the conversation. I go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I'm out. I go, I'm not doing this. And they went, what? I go, I'm not doing this.

I don't want to do this. Like, there's no way. I go, you guys are butchering everything. I go, this is my act. You know what my act is. You want to cut things out and change things. And like, there's no way. This is not happening.

And you just bailed. Yeah, I said, thank you, though. Appreciate it. And then did they? They were stunned. It was one of those stunned conversations. Like, what? I was like, yeah, I'm not doing this.

It's not happening. Did they flip, though? No. No way. It was just a straight up. Well, I was like, we're going somewhere else. Like, this is crazy. It was one of those conversations where they were i mean they were super resistant to controversial shit this is a this is what a few years back like

i wish i could remember late 90s no no 2005 ish six ish i wound up doing actually a series on i'm a special on netflix that went to showtime that was 2005 so that's where i'm doing it but the conversation on the phone was just like what like they were going over the material no okay we're gonna have issue with this you can't say that you definitely can't say this sounds like this is just those doing those specials on tv it's such a bad idea anyway because they're always all broken up, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah, especially for stories. I did my first two with Comedy Central,

and they were... Did they break up your stories? They broke up a story. A longer story in my second one, if I'm not mistaken. But they're on Netflix now, and they're full. But yeah, they would, I mean, they gotta, that's how they pay me is that they fucking sell Axe Body Spray.

I gotta take another piss real quick. I've been drinking too much water. Drink four bottles of water. You might be the new water champ. It's hot as shit outside too also today. It's like 110. Yeah, it's crazy hot. It's hot in here too. It's so hot that I went running and it was burning the bottom of my feet through

those five finger shoes you know i wear those really thin trail running shoes those vibrams that everybody tells me are gonna kill me people act like you're gonna die if you wear those things like i tell people i'm wearing did you see the class action lawsuit don't you understand these things are terrible for you bro they're not it's just your body is used to wearing a cast on your feet listen to everybody that's worried about those things i swear if you just use those things and walk for a while and then like wear them a little bit and then eventually build up to running with them you'll be fine but you have to strengthen your feet um neil brennan said he got plantar fasciitis from running on a treadmill.

What? With those things on. Yeah, with those Vibram five-finger shoes. Are those the ones that really stick to your feet? Like webbing? Little toe shoes. Yeah. Yeah, I run with those.

And they're better for your feet. It's like your foot has to be strong because most of the time when you're running, you're running with running shoes on. If you see the average pair of running shoes, they have a thick heel. And what happened is Nike, I think in the 70s, whenever they came out with these things, they literally changed the way people run because people started running and landing with their heel

because that's where the big cushion is. So it changed the gait, the natural human gait, and it put way more pressure on your knees, and people started developing all these issues because of that. The real way to run is supposed to, you're supposed to run on the forefoot, like landing on the ball of the foot and let the natural structure of your foot decelerate your stride. That's what you're supposed to do. But most people's feet are not conditioned for that because we wear these thick ass sneakers everywhere. And those things act as, it's like wearing a cast everywhere.

That's how it's been described to me. So over the last four or five months, I've been running with what they call minimalist shoes. So there's almost no cushioning at all. It's very thin. And I was saying it's so hot out that I was running in these things, and the bottom of my feet got hot. Yeah. Just from running on the ground. The ground was so hot. Was it starting to melt or something? I could feel it. I could feel the heat through the bottom of my feet. hot. Yeah. Just from running on the ground. The ground was so hot.

Was it starting to melt or something? I could feel it. I could feel the heat through the bottom of my feet. It was hurting. It was actually like burning the bottom of my foot. Which, by the way, people, if you have dogs, be super fucking careful your dog's outside. Because if you're walking your dog on concrete,

you can easily burn the shit out of your dog's paws. Did you see this the other day? I looked a little bit into it. They're painting different sections of asphalt, I guess, here. I don't know if it's like white or something. Yeah, it's a heat-absorbing color instead of like black asphalt because black asphalt apparently just absorbs the heat and reflects the heat. And radiates it around.

Yeah. This is dropping like 10 to 15 degrees almost immediately. I was, earlier it got 12 degrees just after one coat. Yeah, I've seen that. That's amazing. That's great. Yeah. This isn't saying all that, as hot as I saw in one article, but it was like 120 degrees.

It was getting some places like off Sunset Boulevard in LA, like just the middle of the day when it's like 85 outside, 90 degrees outside. Makes sense. It's really, really extra hot. Yeah, it totally makes sense. Yeah. And all of LA is asphalt basically hot. Yeah, it totally makes sense. Yeah. And all of LA is asphalt, basically, too. Yeah.

Paint that shit, stupid. Yeah. This would change, maybe, maybe a little bit on your feet. Oh, yeah. But you're running on dirt. I'm running on dirt. I'm running on hills. But it was so hot.

It was the first time it's ever, like, burned the bottom of my feet. Like, I could feel it. It was hot. I was like, Jesus. Yeah. burn the bottom of my feet like i could feel it it was hot i was like jesus yeah i'm not a uh i don't really jog but i'm a good judge of form are you i just be like a running court coach i don't know if i could coach but i could just i could definitely tell you when you're wrong because i see some people like too heavy-footed heavy foot is bad. Most people are running on their heels.

I see people running and I'm like, wow. It's crazy when you look around too. You look around at how many people are wearing shoes with elevated heels, you're like, wow. That's kind of nuts. It's kind of nuts how many people just got accustomed to wearing those kind of sneakers and running. People are running basketball shoes or something too

and that's like you probably shouldn't be doing that. I think you'd be better off with that than you are with running shoes. Just don't land that way. Just don't land on your heel. If you land on the ball of your feet, basketball shoes I think should be fine, but what the fuck do I know? But, you know, I'm running with some really – I run only with those five-finger shoes now or with –

I wear these Morels too. They're called Vapor or something or another. They're real thin too, minimalist. They're called Vapor or something or another. They're real thin, too. Minimalist. Do people ever try to... No, you're running, but people probably still will attempt to stop you while you jog, right? Yeah, but I don't... You can't.

You can't engage. That's so crazy. I'm in the middle. You're literally going to interrupt a workout. I've had people come up to me when I'm on a treadmill before. Like, hey, man, can I get a photo with you? Like, definitely not now. People do it if,

you can have a mouthful of food. You could be eating food. I was cutting food up for my daughter and this lady asked me for a picture. I was like, are you crazy?

I'm feeding my kid. This is just, people just don't give a fuck. They want to adorn their Facebook with someone that they saw on TV once. It's weird, man. Not even printing it up. They don't care. Not even really printing it usually. Well, they don't even want it that much. It's just like, they have a phone and like, it's like, if you have a gun, you want to pull the trigger. You have a phone, you want to take a picture. Like how many people do you see at the 4th of July

taking videos of fireworks? you are never gonna watch that fucking video who the hell is gonna watch a fireworks video like what how sad does your life have to get where you don't have anything better to do than be sitting there watching little lights go off on your foreign screen hey man airport layoffs are real dog is that what you do when you're sitting there i'm just thinking you know that the person that did it you know when you like say you got a layover in salt lake city you delayed about five hours you should go through your videos and delete all the fireworks once yeah just clean do some do some cleaning up yeah you're eating up a lot of gigabytes you are when you look at it you realize how much bullshit is on there do you put shit in Yeah, just do some cleaning up. Yeah, you're eating up a lot of gigabytes. You are.

When you look at it, you realize how much bullshit is on there. Do you put shit in the cloud? Yeah. Do you do? I shouldn't know. Even when I do it, I'm like, eh. But it's nothing too... Too risque?

There's a couple risque things up there. But my face isn't in there. That's one thing. That's one rule. All dick. No face. Would you, I was thinking, I asked a friend this yesterday. Would you, like, let's say Amazon started a Gmail competitor.

Would you just, like, not just jump over, but, like, wouldn't it be a good thing maybe to just start fresh with all your email and be like, ah, what do I need that's 20 years old in my email or 15 years old? Oh, yeah, for sure. Get it out of here. I don't want to see it. I definitely, if I look at my email on a daily basis, nine out of ten things I get are bullshit. Nine out of ten. One out of ten I need, and those people,

I would just give my new email address anyway. Like Ari did that pretty recently. Ari just changed his email. I'm like, it's a good move. I changed my phone. That's a good move, too. Having more phone. That's a good move, too. Having more than one phone is a good move, too. Having a phone for people like that fucking lady at that thing.

Yeah. Wanted your number. I got that phone. I just don't know that number by heart. I got two other numbers. I don't know them by heart. Yeah, I just remembered my number right now by heart, and I'm about to change it again.

Yeah? Yeah. I like not knowing it, though. I don't care. You know what else I like, too? remembered my number right now by heart and i'm about to change it again yeah yeah just i like not knowing it though i don't care as you know what else i like too i like that my vision is going so i can't read things so like when uh when i uh if i get like an email or something like that like i can go what does it say uh okay whatever and you can i don't feel compelled to like read the whole thing i don't feel compelled to put my reading glasses and go into depth. I just look at it to get a quick glance.

Do I need to pay attention to this? That's just some bullshit. Yeah. Think about some important things. That's like old man flakiness. I can't see that shit. I can't see shit. What?

What is that? What is that? Nah, whatever. What's that fucking newspaper? What's the goddamn game on? Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I'm practicing not giving a fuck.

I've always been good at it, but I'm actively working on it harder and harder more now than ever. It's tough. Especially if you're thinking about it. It's tough not to give a fuck, but also be very aware and thinking about things all the time where you have to you if you're saying you don't give a fuck you do give a fuck because you're making the choice to be like i don't give a fuck but you still do give a fuck you just like i'm not gonna react in a way as somebody that gives a fuck but i give a fuck yeah i'm making a choice though you know what it's like it's like i'm pretending i don't give a fuck by saying i don't give a fuck yeah i'm like putting that out there

i'm like making a conscious decision to not give a fuck. But in doing so, I'm giving a fuck about not giving a fuck. Yeah. Which means you give a fuck. You know who don't give a fuck? Who? Locksmiths. Why's that?

They don't get locksmith confidence, dog. Why don't they give a fuck? Because they can open any door? Because they can open any door and you call them about the lock. I mean, I guess they have to eyeball it and see what it is. But I was locked out in New York. And I say, come through. And I tell them that.

I'll be there in five minutes. What's the price? I'll let you know when I'm there. That's confidence. I'm going to tell you when I'm there because you need to get into your place that's true and yeah and so I've I've uh I've sent locksmiths away just as a too much money just as an act of aggression yeah well he was like it's this much and I was like trying to talk him down and he wasn't having it he was like so and I was like it's fine

dog it's all good and I just sat in my hallway for, I think I went to the bar a couple doors down, just called a locksmith. How much did you save? Not worth that time, but it was good for my spirit. It felt good. Now, did you get a vibe off that dude? Like you sort of had a vibe off that lady, didn't want to give her your number? There's like a vibe off that dude? Like you sort of had a vibe off that lady, didn't want to give her your number? There's like a vibe off a dude?

You know what it is? It's just, I think it's just, because I just see how quick they can do it. And I'm like, I could do that in, you know, like they do it in maybe 20, 30 seconds sometimes. And I'm like, I can learn how to do it in the five minute version of that. How fast they do it.

And so it makes me, when I see how they do it, it pisses me off to know that he can just break in my shit at any time. And that he's just charging me an arbitrary price. Cause his market is kind of, you know, all over the place. Yeah. Well,

I guess they have a skill and they should be paid for that. Absolutely. Right. So like what, do you remember how much money it was? Uh, I don't know. $150, let's say $150. Oh, I would have just given him the money.

I don't, I'm... Probably. Yeah, but you like, you got an enjoyment out of saying no. Yeah, because I think he yeah, I think he's used to my foot being like, sure, and I'm like, you know what? what you got this skill you can break into people's houses and shit i've seen people do this shit fast and i'm not having it i live on a block i live on a block with a but i'm

not in a suburban area my block in uh in brooklyn and williamsburg i got one of the most lit blocks and there's a lot of shit to do it's just, it's like four bars just on my very block. I got time to kill. Went down to my local and played some skee-ball, hung out. Hmm. Yeah. Why not? How much did you offer to take off?

I don't remember the specifics of the negotiation, but it was a very nominal amount. Like 20 bucks? That meant nothing. Yeah, and he wasn't really budgeting and shit. Yeah, it was just him. Insight into the mind of Hannibal Buress. That's how my dad was.

Three apartments, rents him out with an Airbnb, $700 watch, big spend, no car. No car. Won't pay for a locksmith. Will pay for a locksmith. I did pay for a locksmith.

Will, but not that one. Not that one. Yeah. Yeah. How much do you think you saved on the a locksmith. I did pay for a locksmith. Will. But not that one. Not that one. Yeah. Yeah. How much do you think you saved on the second locksmith? Not much, man. But drink money. I had some drinks at that bar.

So yeah, 20, 30 bucks. Hmm. Yeah. I kicked in my door once. Didn't have my lock. Didn't have my key. Were you with the family or was this you no i was by myself when i was uh it was pre-cell phone days oh okay i thought front kicked the shit out of that door

and called the dude yeah it's like what happened i was like yeah i didn't have my key i had to fix the door jam the whole thing that little metal thing with the thing i was all bent and fucked up it's amazing how easy it is to kick open a door. Like when you see those dudes banging their shoulder against the door, if you got a solid front kick, there's no way that door survives. They just open. Unless it's a pull-forward door. If it's a pull-forward door, you're fucked.

You got to be able to kick through the door. You have to have a hard kick. But a push-open door, super easy. They just open up. You know, you said you were solo when you did it, but I just still have a locked image of your family with you while you kick open the door. And the kids are like, yeah! Well, if they were crying, if they were crying, I would.

I kicked open the door once on the set of News Radio, and we blamed it on the band Anthrax. Oh, it wasn't part of a scene? It was just you were... It was the door to the break room. We were drunk, and I was with Maura Tierney, and she was like, God, I'm fucking hungry. I want to get in that break room.

And I'm like, I can get in that door. And she's like, how are you getting in that door? I go, I'd have to kick it open. She goes, you can kick open that door. I go, yeah. And she goes that door I go I'd have to kick it open She goes you can kick open that door I go yeah And she goes do it I go alright here we go Ba-bloom

I just kicked the shit out of that door It bent the fucking All of the shit that like Works inside the door Yeah But it It was so worth it Wait is this

Very shady though To blame it on that band It was wrong They were working on the set that week They were on the episode with us. To this day. Is this at NBCUniversal? I think we were on Sunset Gower at the time.

I just stomped a hole in that door. Wait. It was a big old metal door, too. Did you used to act drunk sometimes? Did you do some scenes drunk? No, no. This was after the episode had been done. Wow, that's how pixelated is that?

Yeah, that's them. They were cool guys, though. I hope production didn't call them. Because we were like, who fucked up the door? Who knows? And they were like, probably that fucking band. We're like, hmm, probably. I would guess it was that band.

We just fucked up a door for like $10 in potato chips yeah I was wondering what the take was just some chips you know snack foods whatever was available oh to be able to do that feels amazing to be able to kick a door open

my buddy Azar gave me this tip about when he goes to the movies, he orders a kid's ticket. And because the people taking the tickets, they don't look. Really, they just look at the theater number and the movie. Right. And what?

I did it the first time. It was two tickets we were saving, four bucks or or whatever four and some change but it felt amazing it felt like it felt like a mini heist you know really

yeah it felt really good it's like yeah kids ticket don't look don't look we're good yeah the girl didn't want to do that shit she was like

why are you doing this oh you were with a girl and you did that oh that's a problem can't do that with a girl yes you can I just went you show them who you are this? Oh, you're with a girl and you do that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a problem. Can't do that with a girl. Yes, you can. You show them who you are. This is me. I am unreasonably cheap. Yeah.

This is who I am. We're seeing a movie together. You're setting the stage too, so when that prenup comes, she understands. Yeah. Yeah. It was fine. She's not going to go, I can't believe you brought a prenup. Yeah. She's like, of course. You know me. I cheat at the movie theater. Right.

I pretend to be a kid for four bucks. Exactly. But that four bucks, that sends you, you know, sends your brain into a great place. That's something that a lot of women really get upset by. What? Cheapness. Yo. Yo.

I was actually, I was out with this girl in Atlanta, and we went to this club. She was driving, and we park in this parking lot. It's like one of those situations where you park in a parking lot. It was a dentist's office, but now somebody's charging for it. And so my immediate question, it was like five bucks for the parking spot, right? But my immediate question is, do they have a deal with this dentist's office?

Or do they just charge at night for people to park in this dentist's office? Because I'm like, you're not the dentist. Why can you come up? And I was telling her, I told her that I was going to say that before we got out of the car. I was like, I'm going to ask him if he's a dentist, I'm like, yo, I told her that I was going to say that before we got out the car. I was like, I'm going to ask him

if he's a dentist. I'm not going. And she was like, and then we get out and I'm like, you're not the dentist. She was like, what the fuck is going on?

She was upset that you actually did it? Yeah. And so I was really about to be like, what, what's the chances of it getting told? Like I was really,

not because of the, I think the cheapness was a part of it, but it was genuinely, I wanted to know the reality of the situation. Right. Did they explain it to you? No, I just, she was getting upset and I just paid the $5.

She got real upset? Not really upset, but enough where she wasn't, we didn't have the same sense of humor and frugality. Whereas she, we went on the same wavelength as far as that interaction. So she wasn't rolling with me. That drives a lot of women crazy when they find out that you're cheap. Yeah. Yeah. You're supposed to be bold.

That's one thing that women like. They like when dudes make it rain, right? You're throwing a bunch of money in the air, you don't give a fuck. There's something about that that's exciting. I don't know about that. I don't know about that that like it's exciting i don't know about that strip was like that but the average woman won't like that right that's true yeah yeah yes but it's a male move like to make it rain in a strip club is a total male move right it's a saying that you don't give a fuck about money you just chuck it up in the air i mean it's a lot behind that i haven't balled out in a strip club like that

I think the most I've spent in a night in a strip club is maybe 800 something like that which in Atlanta is I spent two months in Atlanta this summer that's pretty low you know there's some guys that go

and just have 10 grand such and such this rapper spent 20 grand in a strip club, which is shocking and frightening to me. Yeah, Atlanta's famous for that, right? Yeah. It's great strip clubs in Atlanta. I was just there. I was there Friday. I was at the Tabernacle.

Yeah. It's a fun time, man. Atlanta's fun. It's a fun city, man. It's a very fun city. It's a fun time, man. It's a fun city, man. It's a very fun city. It's a good nightlife. But yeah, the strip club, it's a spectacle. You know what I mean?

So you just, I mean, it's fun. But I went there a few times. Who's throwing money? Who's that? 21 Savage. It's 21 Savage. It's Young Thug. They're on the stage.

Maybe they did a song or something. But it's just throwing money on everybody. See, it's just. But that is a thing. It's a thing. The flamboyance of not worrying at all about money to the point where you just throw it up in the air. Yeah. As a boxing ring, as a girl with boxing gloves on.

That might be King of Diamonds in Miami diamonds you don't want to box on paper oh it's atlanta it's atlanta around uh yeah it's some of the strip clubs they have girls boxing and king of diamonds in miami i went there once on a monday they have girls boxing really it's a huge strip club i don't like my strip clubs huge and overwhelming. I like my strip clubs kind of like dive bars. Like, at certain strip clubs, if you walk in and you throw up a couple hundred dollars, like, you can kind of take over the energy of the place. Like, all the strippers will start coming to you and shit.

At a small place. At a smaller place. King of Diamonds, that's like where Rick Ross hangs out. Yeah, Mayweather threw something in. Like you see that? King of Diamonds Memorial Weekend. It has a basketball court. I think we talked about strip clubs

last time we were here. Did we? It happens. Yeah, they have a basketball court in there and a barbershop in the strip club what yeah a barbershop and a basketball court why do they have a basketball court because sometimes before you want to just get your you know endorphins going before you throw out that money i guess or maybe the strippers like to play basketball i don't know weird interesting but it's

uh the music is great. That's a weird strip club, too, because the girls wore clothes. What's going on? I think this is the preamble. I think this is the YouTube version. Oh, I see. They're getting warmed up. You want to go to Vimeo, you can see the real deal.

Oh, does Vimeo show nudity? Yeah. You know what's interesting is, what's the rules with Twitter? Because I follow some porn stars, and they show full-on fucking. I think that's it. You can do it. That's amazing. Sometimes I forget that I follow Pornhub on Twitter.

And then I'll be scrolling through it. It's just a gif of some hard fucking. I'll be like, oh, yeah. Well, it's a real problem if you leave your phone around and your scrolling through it. It's just a gif of some hard fucking. Oh, yeah. Well, it's a real problem if you leave your phone around and your kids grab it. And they scroll through your feed. They're like, hey. Scroll through the home feed. I mean, they're going to see it somehow.

Ass and dick. Just one of those animated gif files. 15 seconds of ass and dick. And like, woo. It's amazing that they can have that on Twitter. With the millions and millions and millions of... Like, that doesn't bother them. I mean, this wears things on Twitter.

Our president on a costume. Did you see that that woman, Valerie... I don't know how you say her name is. Valerie Plam or Plume or something like that. She's the CIA operative that was outed by, I guess it was Dick Cheney, I think. It was a big deal because she had said something or her husband had said something, so Dick Cheney outed her and it compromised her position and compromised the mission she was working on. Anyway, she's working now on buying Twitter

to kick Donald Trump off. What? Valerie Plame. P-L-A-M-E. I do not know how to say her name. She has that much money? No. She's crowdfunding to buy Twitter to kick off Donald Trump.

She wants to buy Twitter just so they can kick Trump off. One billion dollar goal? She made 85 grand so far. By the way, I got news for you, honey. Twitter's not for sale for a billion dollars. Try to buy Twitter for a billion. That's nice. Come back when you got about seven billion. Get out of here, Valerie. Give that money to Houston.

Fuck out of here. You're not going to make it. How much money do you think, like, how much money is Twitter worth? Like, if Twitter was going to be for sale. It had to be for sale first. It would have to be like 15 billion, right? That's insane. It's the on potential.

The thing with Twitter, from the little bit that I know, is that in comparison to the other social medias, they've had trouble monetizing in the same way. So Instagram is making money. Facebook, obviously, making money. And Instagram's on by themselves So Instagram is making money. Facebook obviously making money and Instagram's own body. Snapchat is doing well. Twitter hasn't figured out how to get real revenue.

People use Twitter and are active on it and live tweet events but as far as the money, it hasn't been, it's been lagging in comparison. I don't understand that. Do you understand that?

That doesn't make sense to me. Like Instagram has sponsored tweets. What would that say? What are you putting up there? The market value, $15.7 billion for Twitter? That was about a year ago, yeah. So why does that chick think she can get it for a billion bucks? She's tripping.

She's just trying to get attention, right? Yeah. You think she smoked? Well, you think that's just pure anger to come up with? Anger. Just anger. Not just to have the initial weirdo, wackadoodle, not going to happen idea. Because I've had a lot of those.

But then I calmed down. Yeah. But to go through it, to be like, yeah, I i'm gonna fucking do a crowdfund to buy twitter that's so stupid and then to actually like go onto the site and then write it up yeah put your picture up there yeah and then look at it proofread and go through all that shit and still be like yeah still crowdfund for twitter still be on board with the idea. And post. It's so stupid because there's 350 million people in this country. Every single person.

What's the matter? She just wants to become the largest shareholder so she can make the decision. Oh. Why the fuck would anybody give her that money? You're giving her that money. Like, what if you gave her 100 grand? Does she give you an accounting form of what she's doing with that hundred grand that's so stupid no one's gonna die i can't believe she got 85 grand that's amazing in and of itself well the final number the end

the end of that number is seven which means somebody gave like two dollars or one somebody gave a weird off number sure i don't have much but good luck yeah. Yeah, who's going to give more than five bucks? Let's look at the names, because sometimes they show the names of people that gave stuff and what they said. And so let's just see. Victoria needs, let's do this now. And what else? The way he tweets.

We need to get this fool out of office and put him where he can't cause damage. Five dollars. Look at that tweet that he made. Look at that tweet. Scroll back up, Jamie, to where it was before so you can see Trump's tweet. Look at that. Military solutions are now fully in place. No space between comma and locked.

So typos galore. Locked and loaded. No comma. I mean, comma, no space again should north korea act unwisely and then double space the fuck that's about hopefully kim jong-un will find another path exclamation point it's just it's like it's like you took some housewife from middle of nowhere and allowed her to be president i mean it's literally like the mindset of that tweet. It's such a silly tweet.

Hopefully he'll find another path. I mean. Hopefully. He's a, it's. Are you disturbed? I don't know if I'm even disturbed anymore, if I'm kind of like, or if i'm numb in a yeah in a kind of uh i don't know like domestic situation where i was just like yeah domestic violence like you've been beating yeah

yeah that's yeah like your wife that's what he said yeah he went to texas and and like to see the flood damage it was like yeah good crowd big crowd, big crowd. That's what he was. Like, just whiz. What a crowd. What a crowd. Here to see me, right? Everybody, yay. Daddy. No, I don't think I'm disturbed.

I just, I don't think it would, I knew it would be bad. I didn't think it would. Be this bad? Get this bad. This quick. This quick. And, yeah, it's really, I don it's really it's fascinating the thing that fascinates me the most is not just him but how many people still support him how many people don't have any problem with it

yeah where i i try to i can't understand it really where they they still are behind you like you behind all of this or is it just where they have a similar just are the people that are really into him are they the same type of just egomaniac or narcissist where they can't admit wrong or they know that it's wrong but they i can't i'm locked in now they're locked in i think they're finding a way to justify whatever he does, no matter what it is. Like I had Kamau Bell yesterday on the podcast. I didn't read. I don't read comments on YouTube, but I did look at the thumbs up, thumbs down.

And it's like he had as many thumbs down as thumbs up. That's super rare. And I think a lot of it was because he was talking a lot of shit about Trump. We were both were. We were talking about how ridiculous this is yeah and i i saw a couple of comments on twitter people that got mad because we were talking about his response to charlottesville and they were saying he was saying on all sides because there was violence on all sides like people showed up with torches they showed up with torches for white folks.

They were like, we're here for white folks only. We have torches. Like, you don't think that's an issue? You don't think people showing up a line of crazy white supremacists with torches? And the people that were opposing them, the people that are opposing them, yeah, they fucked up too. But the only reason why they were there is because there was people with torches. Right. The whole thing was insane.

And he doesn't have the, I mean, he doesn't know how to handle it. And also he can't say that publicly. He can't say, hey guys, I'm panicking right now. No, he can never say that. But he can't say it explicitly, but he kind of says it through his actions i don't think he's healthy also too i think when you're 70 years old like you were talking about like your brain gets older you're 34 right i'm 50 now my brain's getting older for sure what's it gonna be like in 22 23 years what is he 71 72 something like that? What's that going to be like? Not good. I don't think you should be working all day.

Yeah. That dude, he's too old, and he's a crazy person, and he used to host The Apprentice, and he was on the Comedy Central roast, amongst other things. So he still watches five hours of TV. Not to say that those things mean you can't be solid at being president, but this guy is insane. You say he still watches five hours of TV a day? Yeah, that's what I read yesterday.

Who reported that? Reuters? I don't know. I mean, it's still, let's see what I find. Reuters. They're a bunch of fucking fake news. How could anybody have time to watch five hours of TV a day if you have a real job? This wasn't a brand new article, but this is in the Atlantic.

Trump's TV obsession is a first. Look at that hair. Hilarious. Look at that. They can just take a photo of his hair only and black everything out. That is the most bizarre image of a president. That crazy helmet of hair. Yeah.

Got to mix it up. Are you a photo editor? It's a good move, actually. Because, I mean, no president has consumed as much. Hold on. Yeah. Gotta mix it up when you're a photo editor. It's a good move, actually. Because, I mean, no president has consumed as much, hold on. No president's confused as much television as the current one, or reacted as quickly or directly to what they're

seeing. He loves Fox and Friends. 6.24 a.m. Monday, Trump gushed over Twitter about the amazing reporting, in quotes, on the morning talk show a week earlier. He instructed the nation to, in quotes, watch Fox and Friends now for their exemplary Russia coverage. Exemplary. Exemplary Russia coverage.

He tweeted about the program hosted by Steve Dewey? Dookie? Dootsie? How do you say that? Yeah. Dootsie. Dootsie? Dookie? Dootsie? How do you say that? Yeah, Dootsie. Dootsie? I don't know.

Dookie? Never heard it. Dookie, like poo. Ainsley? What are these people's names? Ainsley Earnhardt and Brian Kilmeade. Seven times in March alone and recently brought it up in an interview with Fox News. Tucker Carlson telling him cheerfully,

I like that group of three people. Even after becoming president, Trump reportedly manages to fill his days with plenty of television, in quotes. And from his tweets, it's often possible to discern when and what he's watching. In January, Axios broke down the president's media diet. Most mornings, Trump flicks on the TV and watches Morning Joe. But he hates that guy now. Not anymore.

Now he hates that guy and he talks shit about his wife's plastic surgery. Often for long periods of time. Sometimes interrupted with texts to the hosts or panelists. He texts them. After the 6 a.m. hour of Joe, he's often on to Fox and Friends by 7 a.m. He's on the follow-up show. Wow. With a little CNN before or after, just to fucking get the blood pressure up.

He also catches the Sunday show, especially Meet the Press. The shows, as he calls them, often provoke his tweets. The day of our interview with him, all of his tweet topics were discussed during the first two hours of morning Joe Wow Five hours of television every day. Yes I got five a day but too much and also he is weird that the president is Easily baitable on Twitter more so than me You see when Stephen Colbert got him and then Colbert said, you know, Mr. President, as much as I think you're terrible at being the president, I thought at the very least you understood show business.

He goes, you responded to me. He goes, that means I won. I got you. Yeah. That was. When he called Trump's mouth a cock holster for Putin... Oh, that was a great joke. It was a great joke.

But it's crazy, like, seeing that on a late night talk show. A late night talk show on CBS. The host calls the president's mouth a cock holster. Oh, they didn't bleep cock? I don't know what they did. They probably bleeped it. But you knew what it was. Yeah. A cock holster. He's saying, a cock holster. Oh, they didn't bleep cock? I don't know what they did. They probably bleeped it. Yeah. But you knew what it was.

Yeah. A cock holster. He's saying a cock. Yeah. You know what he's saying. But the fact that that was in the monologue, that CBS was like, yeah, go for it. I mean, no other president, you would never have that. Not in a million years.

The minimum amount of respect. No FCC fine for Stephen Colbert's late night Donald Trump cock holster crack. Wow. Yeah, they bleeped it. So was Trump trying to go after it for the FCC? No, I don't know. Do you remember when the FCC went after Howard Stern? People forget about that shit. He got fined.

And he didn't even swear. He got fined hundreds of thousands of dollars. Shit. Yeah. How do you think hundreds of thousands of dollars. Shit. Yeah. How do you think it ends? Him? This guy. You think he ends his term?

You think he dies in office? You think he ODs? You think he gets impeached? Well. You think what happens with Trump? That's a good question. I don't think he gets a second term, but I could be wrong. I think he makes it to the end of the term.

Really? Yeah, and I think it's just how long wheels on a giant disaster, and it gets worse and worse. And I think here's the thing that Howard Stern had a really good point about Trump. He said he wants to be loved. He wants people to love him. This is a terrible job if you want people to love you because even the people that supported you once you get in there you're trying to do this impossible job

that really no one's been able to do totally people forget that Obama had like a very low approval rating to one point in time in his presidency I think he was in the low 40s like 44% or something like that Approval rating like it's not a job that anybody does well Even if you're the best at it ever you still people a giant percentage of the population millions and millions of people gonna fucking hate you Yeah, that's not I don't think that's in that guy's psyche especially if you check Twitter like that. Yeah, you can Yeah, you can block himself from it a little bit that yeah you can yeah he can block himself from it a little bit well he brought he blocks regular people when regular people like himself from that yes but just like by deleting it off his phone he can kind of get away from but i don't think he could take that attention away from himself no i

don't think so either i just i don't think it's healthy for him especially at this late stage of his life, you know? In the 70s? Taking this kind of heat? Because before he was president, that guy, whether some people didn't like him, some people loved him, no big deal, he was genuinely able to walk around everywhere and not be hated.

He could go to restaurants, people go, oh look, there's Donald Trump. There's no people hating him. He's kind of a douche go, oh, look, there's Donald Trump. There's no people hating him. Right. It's just like, oh, he's famous. He's kind of a douchebag, maybe. Right, maybe. Yeah, he seems douchey. I like how you said that.

Maybe. Yeah, probably a douchebag, whatever. But that's Trump over there. Back to dinner. Yeah, they might laugh. They might try to get a selfie with him, ask him a question. But now, the amount of hate he experiences is probably like four or five hundred percent more. More even.

Ramped up through the roof. Yeah. So, yeah. A five digit weird number or something. Crazy. Unquantifiable hate towards this man with the weird hair from The Apprentice. Yeah. Everybody just wants to take a free shot at him, too.

Like everywhere he goes. Poor bastard. People are building goddamn careers off of hate. They are. The Trump, the president's show on Comedy Central. That's true. Goddamn, Colbert has beat Fallon in the ratings lately because he's been ripping

on him. Yeah. Motherfuckers are making their goddamn legacy off of this dude being an asshole. People are mad at Fallon because Fallon was too nice to him when he was running for president. Get the hair thing. I mean, it was already a done deal then. You think Fallon was gonna run? No, but it was that Fallon didn't grill him.

It didn't pressure him. That's what people are mad at, that he didn't treat him like a dangerous person. Fallon probably had no idea that he was gonna win, too. Yeah, it was jokey at that point. Fallon should have played one of those weird games and then cheated. Said, fuck you. I'm with her.

Yeah, he's muscling his hair up. Big smile, muscling his hair up. Yeah. Hmm. Very weird. Yeah. Yeah. It's very weird.

It's just so strange that that's our president it's hard to believe sometimes like sometimes i'll stare at the news and i just have to look at it for like seconds like 10 15 seconds just go okay this is real this is real that's the that really is the president's donald trump have you traveled abroad yet with him as president yeah italy Italy. Italy? Yeah, that's it. With the fam? Yeah. How was it? It was normal.

Nobody gives a shit. It was normal. They don't give a fuck. They're over there doing Italy shit. But you were doing, so you was just vacation, no shows? Yeah. Okay. No shows, yeah.

I'm sure if you go somewhere, I've been to Canada to do shows, but I'm sure if you go and do shows, have I? Wait a minute. No, I haven't. My first shows with Trump as president will be next weekend in Edmonton. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't been anywhere while he's actually been the president. It's going to be a trip, man.

Yeah, they just kind of blame it on you. In the few conversations I've had when I've been out of the country, what are you guys doing over there? It's not me. Yeah, I don't know. How do you do it? Well, they have a situation that's the exact opposite. They have a super liberal president that was letting in any immigrants,

and now he's apparently cooled off on that, too. Trudeau? Yeah. Trudeau also, they're having it. Yeah Trudeau also They're having issues with free speech, you know, people are getting fined for saying things They're setting up these weird laws where you can get in deep shit for Misgendering people not using the correct gender pronouns One of 78 different gender pronouns that people use now like they're super ultra left wing like his cabinet and his ideas he's a real like legitimate social justice warrior

president so it's interesting it's like you got both schools right right next to each other that's uh both of them are kind of fucked yeah Yeah. Yeah. We did it. They did it too. We did it. Russia did it. Nobody should fucking be president, man. Nobody. Shouldn't be presidents.

Uh-oh. Hot take. We need more. We need a group of humans. Just a group. Like 12. Yeah. Like a jury.

Yeah. Like how a jury is. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. And a group of intelligent people that are qualified, like with a great education, excellent ethics, great morals. You can't have just a popularity contest to see who gets to control the nukes.

It's fucking crazy. I hope we get past it. I hope we get past it, but I don't think we're going to. I think once we have things written on paper, once we have a way that we operate, once we have some sort of a plan that we follow, it's very difficult to get people to shake that. To have some sort of a new reasonable plan

to run the country without representative government, like senators and congressmen and people that you have to... They had all that shit back when they couldn't get a hold of people. I mean, they had all that stuff. And I'm not saying that there shouldn't be some representatives. I'm saying that the system that's in place right now was really in place right now because you had a representative of every state, and they had to travel to D.C., and they did their business, and they'd come back to their constituents.

Well, the constituents can all communicate in real time now. and they come back to their constituents. Well, the constituents can all communicate in real time now. I mean, we have this unique ability now to share your opinions and even to vote online. That also should be an option. 100% we should be voting online. I don't know about that. That could be easily rigged.

This guy's got dick pics on the cloud. He's worried about people voting online. Listen. Who knows? That's just a dark dick. It could be anybody's. It could be anybody's. That's not me.

Play the voice. Play the voice. Oh, it's not saying anything? Ah, there it is. Fake news. Fake news. Fake news, rooters. Photoshopped. Yeah.

I just think a better system is possible. This is not the best system. I feel like this is like trying to patch up Windows 95 over and over again. Just come up with a new system. Yeah, it's a couple hundred years old. Come on. Mix it up. Come on.

Mix it up. But, you know, that's going to take a lot of time. A lot of time to do. What's in the notes, man? We got through it already. Everything? Pretty much. We got through it organically yeah i mean yeah i didn't try i didn't i'm not a you know i'm not a hammer it in type of you know morning did that morning radio type of you know that's the worst oh so what do you want to talk about? Do you do those still? Do you do morning radio shows?

No, I haven't done them in a while. No, and I don't even. Those are the worst. They ask me to call in. So Hannibal, I understand that you were at a baseball game recently. Yeah, I was at a baseball game. Baseball is super boring. Yeah, it's just, I can't.

No. We got through everything except for, weirdly, you know, congratulations on a thousand episodes. Oh, thanks, man. By the way, I started a podcast last year. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Handsome Rambler. Ooh, that's a good name. It's a high name.

I'm locked into it now. I consider changing it. I like it. It's fun, though. It's been good. Do you have guests? Have guests on. Yeah?

Where do you do it? We do it all over. It's me and my DJ, Tony Trim. So we do a lot of them in Chicago, but we travel and, yeah. We have comedians in. We have a lot of musicians on. How often do you do it? I do them, we put them out every week, but we block record them just because we're usually traveling a lot.

So we just... Byron Bowers. usually traveling a lot. So we just, we have a, we have a theremin and we got, we do make goofy songs. We do. Where's that set? That's a, that's Tony's crib in Chicago. Oh,

that's a nice setup there. Yeah. So we, we play some songs and shit and goof off and do some interview stuff. It's a fun time though. It's been good. Nice. It's kind of,

it's kind of changed you know uh how i i feel like i'm uh when i talk to people i feel like a better person not because i have a podcast but i feel like i'm more in tune with what a person is saying yeah i used to be i know what you're talking about yeah where i like am i end up accidentally interviewing people. When you talk to them in real life. But like asking good questions. Not in a practicing way where I end up talking to people

but asking better questions than the where you from or getting beyond the surface level. So I think that's happened because of that. Well, I feel like the same thing with me. I learned how to be a better conversationalist.

Yeah. You evolve, for sure. You also learn what's annoying about your speech patterns. Oh. I say a lot of yes. Yeah. That's what I... People say like a lot.

Like. Yeah. It's like, there's like, you know, you know and like. Those are big ones. Yeah. You know, like are big ones. Yeah. You know, like, and yeah. Yeah. Cause I just said three years and five seconds.

Well, you also learn how bad like a lot of regular people are at having actual conversations. A lot of people are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk. Like they're barely paying attention to what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Being a good conversationalist, it's huge it's uh a lot of tools yeah did you did you read books and shit when you first started or did you just go into it or did you did you study certain people when you as you went along or when you first started no no total trial and error just doing it a lot you know in a

thousand episodes but we've done a thousand episodes plus another 40 there were like fight companions podcasts on a plane podcasts on a hike there's a bunch of different ones fight breakdowns how often do you listen to them or do you watch i listen to occasionally i listen to one if i think it sucks if i think i was bad or if if I think the person said something super interesting. There was one the other day with Sean Carroll. He's an astrophysicist, and he's an expert in quantum theory. And it's just the shit he was saying is so hard to grab a hold of. I had to listen to it several times.

Damn. Yeah, but it's mostly just me asking questions and he him talking but it's just the stuff that he's saying is so intense you got to kind of listen to it over and over again with my feeble little brain just to try to like store it you know like okay what is he saying and there's another one um there's this woman that she's on all the time uh ronda patrick dr. Rhonda Patrick. What's her specialty? Nutritional absorption and just how nutrients affect the body. That's like the big thing with her.

And she's one of the smartest people I've ever talked to. She's freaky smart, almost like an alien. You talk to her and you realize how dumb you are. Because you can ask her a question about something, and not only can she tell you what it is she'll recite the studies that were done and what percentages the studies and she's pulling this right out of it in between her ears right she's not no prep no computer into she has notes but she rarely uses them when she comes on the podcast she'll like have something that she wants to talk about like some new study on like you know like broccoli sprouts was one that she went over the last time because she's been experimenting with broccoli sprouts. And she's a clinical researcher as well, so she does actual scientific research.

So she's one of them that I listen to several times just to try to remember what the fuck she was saying. So does she hit you up the same way I hit you up with, Joe, I got this broccoli sprout shit I need to get off. Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, sometimes she'll say, you know, I'll hit her up too, Joe, I got this broccoli sprout shit I need to get off. Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes she'll say, you know, I'll hit her up, too, because she's a researcher, too, because she's always like, for lack of a better word, balls deep in research. Right.

And she's like, sometimes she doesn't have time to do podcasts. She's in the middle of so many different things that she's working on, actual science, you know. That's the interesting thing about having real scientists on is you realize like what a different world they live in absolutely i would never have a scientist on mine no but you might enjoy it maybe down the line but right now i keep it to fun people i yeah keep it fun and with people i know and i think, yeah, it may be down the line as I grow at it, then I'll be able to carry that kind of conversation

with confidence or at least lead them into what they want to say and ask engaging questions during it. But for right now, keeping it rappers, comedians, musicians.

Just fun, right? Well, some of my favorite podcasts that I do are like comedians like yourself or my friends. One thing I can tell you, though, looking at that image of you guys, this is a mistake that we did when we first started out. We did it on couches. The problem with couches is you got to like sit forward where the microphone is.

They're not that comfortable. Right. Like I realized after a while, I see how you guys are like everybody's leaning forward. Look at that. See, like on this show, you're sitting in these ergonomic office chairs. Yeah. You're sitting back, but you're sitting up, and you can sit here for hours and hours at a time.

If you do three hours sitting the way Byron Bowers is right there, that shit's going to hurt your back. Oh, well, we keep about an hour and a half or so. Hour and a half's good. Yeah. That's right when it starts to twing. Thank you. But like office chairs are the way to go.

That's a good. They make these things, especially these ergonomic ones. These are from Ergo Depot. They're called Kapiskos for people that ask. And they're not a sponsor or anything. They're badass chairs. And they force you to sit up straight. So you can sit in these

for hours and it doesn't fuck with your back. Solid tip, Joe Rogan. Solid tip. I appreciate that. I made those mistakes. I had a couch.

And Ari Shaffir took that couch. He sold it. I gave it to him and he did something with it. I think he eBayed it or something. Let everybody know.

It's the couch. Look at this going on here. What's happening here? We went to Moog Fest. What is that? Moog Fest. Moog is the company, they make synthesizers. So a lot of bands, you'll see they use Moog products.

And so the Theramini that we use on the podcast, you know the Theramini is the instrument that you can operate with waves. Like just you move your hands around it they make that oh and so tony my coals he said oh we should go to mog fest and so i was like that should be that's a good idea they had their festivals in durham so i reached out to them and they um they said sure come to the festival we did a couple podcasts there. And then also they have a workshop where you can build your own drum synthesizer. So it's a two-day workshop where they give you all the parts, and you build it from scratch, and you do all the soldering and screwing.

So I built this drum synthesizer in May. Is that what you're doing there? Is that what's in your hand? That's a soldering iron or something like that? Yeah yeah i'm soldering right there yeah whoa so that's like a uh what is that what are those boards called circuit board circuit board yeah so yeah we both worked on i didn't do all the work on like but uh i did a lot of that was my first time soldering anything or doing, I hadn't done actual building shit with my hands in a long time. But yeah, then we, then when we built them all, everybody built theirs. And then at the end of the class, linked them all together and they just kind of fucked around with them and just made crazy noise.

Wow. Yeah. That's interesting. It was fun, man made crazy noise. Wow. Yeah. That's interesting. It was fun, man. That seems pretty badass. Yeah. Making your own sense. So that's a cool, just off a whim, you just decided to go and do that?

Well, we were, because, yeah, we just, I looked it up, and it was a bunch of artists that I liked there, too. And so it just, and we reached out to them. It's kind of a chill festival. like there too and so it just and we reached out to them it's kind of a chill festival it's they have some bigger artists but it's still pretty small in the way that we were able to hit them up a few weeks before and they were able to accommodate us with time slots and say okay they were already gonna uh have somebody interview flying lotus so they had us interview him and uh we interviewed animal collective and they were pretty just it was just loose and and and chill and it was easy to navigate it was a it was a fun festival yeah it was just on a whim

so do you use that thing now that's got to be like kind of satisfying knowing that you made something i haven't used it yet because it set my i had to get it from from new york and uh bring it to chicago and start using it i use the theremin more, though. That theremin is fun. So what do you make, music? We make songs on the podcast. Instead of doing an ad read, we do a jingle for each one. We do an original song for each ad.

So you write the songs with their talking points? Well, we do the song, and it's kind of hooky, usually, just saying the same. We got Bevel as one of our sponsors, so we go, Bevel, Bevel, Bevel, Bevel, and he'll produce around it. And then we'll do the read after the song. This is the theremin that he's talking about, too. Oh, wow. Where you just wave your hands over it, and it makes music.

Five millimeter stereo headphone output. Huh. This is the there are many days talking about to know why wave your hands over it and it makes music Huh The other antenna will control free I know about that hand technique I usually do a full open hand that's Mars attack shit It's real weird. It's a real weird thing, but it's fun man, and it so we've made some beats with that That's a real weird thing. But it's fun, man. So we've made some beats with that. Oh. That's fascinating.

I never heard of this thing before. Yeah, we really use that. I mean, we have, and Tony, he'll have a drum machine. We got a microphone that does, like, auto-tune and stuff. Wow. So it's really to cover up that we're bad interviewers. It's like it'll be a lull and we can't think of something. We'll be like, ooh.

And just start goofing off and making a song. But don't you think you're probably not an interviewer? You're just having a conversation, right? That's what podcasts are, really. Absolutely. But I just I can talk, you know what I mean? But I also want to when I have a guest, I want to put them in a position to shot, you know what I mean? But I also want to, when I have a guest,

I want to put them in a position to shot, you know what I mean? And so sometimes I'll catch myself kind of going off, and I'm like, oh, shit, let me get it back to them, you know what I mean? That's where you use that thing? Well, no, I'll catch myself going off into a long-ass story and then I realize, let me just bring it back and get it to this guest. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's nice.

It's fun, though. It's a fun time. As long as it's fun, man. That's everything. Do you find that a lot of people that are coming to your shows, they listen to the podcast and it sort of gets you closer to them? Yeah, it is. We get a lot of messages

about it and people say they've bought there are many because you're like i didn't i didn't even know what a there are many was but now i want one because they play it so goddamn much and it's kind of a running theme on the show where uh the guest i mean what is that thing i'm like and that's a therapist so it's just kind of a it's almost like a a third host of the show where the person finds out what it is and i explain it pretty much every time it's uh it's a fun time though and uh so tell people that's handsome rambler they get that on itunes itunes SoundCloud, the other ones. What is it? What else you got? I don't know.

What is it? Google Play. Oh, Google Play, that's right. Google Play. It's amazing how few people bring up Google Play, because half the people have Androids, don't they? But Google Play never gets discussed. And you can get Google Play on an iPhone too, right?

But you can't get iTunes. Can you get iTunes on an Android phone? You can't get the podcast on Google Play on the iPhone because there's a podcast app, which Apple doesn't usually let you compete with their own apps. They don't let you. But they let you use some podcast apps, right? I don't know. There's that comedy podcast app that Ari Shaffir is always talking about. But that's different.

That's a comedy app that's aggregating different comedy things. They wouldn't let you just use an actual podcast app other than theirs. I don't think so. I could be speaking wrong, but I don't think so. Yeah, man. It's a tough road for those Android people. It's a tough road. People just look at you illegitimately.

It's a green text message, man. Yeah, they get weirded out by you. I bought one already you bought one yeah you get crazy red like oh i saw that they made one they just announced it i was like oh it looks tremendous they made an android phone yeah and it hasn't they just showed up put up a picture where you can only see like the corner and the rest of it's all like shaded out i'll see if i can find it real quick no that dude marcus got a hold of one yeah then i saw the video, but I already bought it

before that. I just kind of went ahead and... They had some wording on the bottom that like, there's going to be some special things that you won't be able to buy if you don't buy in this window. It was a wholesale pitch, but I just went ahead and bought it. You bought a head, so you're going to switch over to Android. Not switch, it'll just be like a second whole phone. You're going to have a whole phone? If it doesn't work,

I'll sell it and just... But it's supposed to also be a modular something or other for the new cameras they're going to have coming out too. So it'll actually be a physical tool. It's more or less just a five-inch screen that's a tool for these cameras that don't have any screens on them. Yeah, and those red cameras for people who don't know, there's a lot of television shows that get filmed with those. They're like super high-end, high-definition, top-of-the-food-chain cameras. That new phone does look dope, and it's got, like, these crazy grips on the side of it. Like, the side of it is not smooth.

It's got, like, finger holes, like, where your hand grips onto it. Well, they had to have been doing great as a camera company when they said, let's do phones also. Yeah, let's get crazy. Holographic display. What? Yeah. Well, Marcus is a video.

What is Marcus's last name? Brownlee. There's a video where Marcus is watching it, and he's like, whoa. He can't show you what it looks like. He said he can't show you because you can tell. Shit. You can see my reaction to it. And by the way, he's like, the reaction is not even to the finished product, which would

be even better than it is now. But you see how the side edges have those weird grips to it? It's really kind of interesting yeah he's uh messing with it but you could see like when he's holding it in his hand like what it looks like is that it he's just talking about it i think that's a different video than the one i saw maybe it's not he was on a couch. Hands on. Yeah, there it is. And you see the thing. It doesn't look like any other phone you've ever seen before. Like, yeah, there you go. Like, see the sides of it?

It's all, like, it's got, like, ripples. Like, finger slots. Yeah. It's real big, too. Huge. It's way bigger than the iPhone. Like, the biggest iPhone now. He's got big hands, so you can't tell as much.

I got tiny hands. I'd be dropping this shit. Do you? Which one? You have a regular iPhone? Yeah, I didn't get the big phone. You don't even have the big one. Yeah, because my hands can't handle that shit.

You got to two-hand it. Yeah. But there's so much. It's so worth it if you go online. Like if you go online and you want to read something online, it's just so much better with a big screen. It's just the experience and looking at pictures and videos of fireworks and shit holographic display is interesting I'm all a little worried too that they announced something they

won't be able to deliver on which happens from time to time oh Jamie's mr. scapegoat the red marketing person went from really excited to like, ah! We'll see. A full on hype piece until I don't know if they're going to be able to do it. You're going to get a bunch of eggs on Twitter with like zero posts like, fuck you young Jamie, piece of shit. There's that Galaxy Note 8 looks insane too.

That's coming out real soon. That's like almost out. They don't still make the airplane announcements about good things, do they? No. That was a seven. Yeah. They don't make it anymore. Pretty much everybody's gotten rid of that thing.

If you're a holdout, you're like, I don't give a fuck. I charge it, but I charge it in a, I take a pot from my stove. I charge it in that fucking thing just to catch a fire. Put it in the fireplace. Did you see that little video showing how people, if they're in the floods, how to still charge their phones off a 9-volt battery? No. And a key.

And a key, yeah. What? It looks sketchy, but it works. You can do it? How do you do it? 9-volt battery. Put the... And a car charger.

I'm on the internet too much. I need to unplug. It does happen. Oh, it was a different lady that showed it. This is a video I saw, but this is the same. Okay, so she's got a car charger, and she takes the car charger and sticks it on the end of a nine-volt battery, like one of the slots, and then puts a key in the other slot. I think you've got to touch it together to get the circuit.

What if this lady just burst into flames and lost her eyelids? So you can get electrocuted by doing this is what I heard. So, yeah, be careful. Even from a 9-volt battery you can? It obviously won't be a big charge, I don't think, but it will charge the phone if you need it. So she touches the two of them together. Wow, that works.

That's crazy. Right. That's crazy. That's nuts. So if you're in a pension, all you got is a 9-volt battery, and you need to call 911. Why don't they make a battery adapter for an iPhone? Why don't they make a little thing where you can plug a 9-volt battery into it? Just go to a store, buy a battery, plug that fucker in, and charge your phone. Does anybody have that?

How do they not have that? Because they have those banks, you know, those power banks that you can plug your shit into. Seems like somebody would have this. Have you seen that new luggage that you could ride? Have you seen that shit?

Turns it into a scooter? Yes. It's fucking amazing. How much is that? I don't know. I retweeted it the other day, though. It was on Mashable. And I was like, get the fuck out of here.

That thing goes eight miles an hour. You sit on that fucker and you ride around the airport with it. That's a... It's legit. That's one way to stunt. That's one way to handle a layover. Just drive around the airport until your luggage runs out of batteries. But you can also use the battery charging of that, the battery, and use it to charge your phone.

You can plug your phone into that. That alone is worth it. Absolutely. Always having battery power right there connected to your luggage. A lot of these luggages are doing that now. Look at that. Get the fuck out of here. And that's a lot of, a lot of these luggages are doing that now. Look at that. Get the fuck out of here. And that's a carry-on?

Yes. These people are having a good old time. I have to go. Oh, come on. I gotta get online immediately and buy this. Come on.

What is it called? A moto bag? Come on. Look. See, she's fitting her stuff in there and then she drives off. Wee. But look at this.

She can plug into it. That's what I like. I want to see you ride that in an airport, though. I'll do it. You don't think I'd do it? I don't know. You don't know if I'd do it? What? It does that? What was that? She had a gyroscope. Is that real? I'm getting that.

Back up a little bit. Right there. Oh, they're just next to a Segway just to show you. Oh. Is there a standing option? Like, can the... Can you stand up? Can the handlebars go up? And then...

Hmm. Oh, see, this is why that doesn't work. Because I got that fail. Suitcase scooter fail. I definitely tried it. Yeah, but this is a guy that's just rolling around on it like an asshole. Oh, this is that dude that's on YouTube. Who's that guy? Casey it. Yeah, but this is a guy that's just rolling around on it like an asshole. Oh, this is that dude that's on YouTube. Who's that guy?

Casey something. Yeah, he's famous on YouTube. Is that his apartment? That's his office. Whoa. Yeah. What is he doing in there? Making a Frankenstein's monster?

He makes all kinds of videos and films and shit. He's been making movies on YouTube and HBO for 15 years or something. Oh, he's got a crazy workshop, man. Is he in Brooklyn or something? Is he one of those dudes? Manhattan, Broadway, somewhere like that. Interesting.

Yeah, he's got nine screens. Shop Vax. Godfather's always on right there. Oh, yeah? The Godfather is always on? Godfather 1 and 2 on a constant loop. It's like a screensaver.

I'm about to go buy the scooter, man. Let's wrap this up Hannibal tell everybody where you're going to be if they want to see you go do stand up oh I'll be

I'm going to be in Camden New Jersey and Bristol Virginia with Lauren Hill and Nas September 14th of 15

and then did you talk to Lauren Hill about taxes I haven't talked to her I haven't we haven't done any dates together yet you going to Lauryn Hill about taxes I haven't talked to her I haven't we haven't done any dates together yet you guys asked her

about taxes I don't know they locked her up they did lock her up for taxes that's a weird backstage convo for a first meeting

hey so taxes and stuff that's crazy locked her up in a jail in jail for like a while for a couple years, I think.

Yeah. But yeah. Now she's out. She's out and touring. Somehow it's me, Lauryn Hill, Nas. That's amazing. On a tour. I think Chromix is one of the other acts.

We'll be in Seattle, Bay Area, Miami, San Diego, playing Hollywood Bowl, October 5th. Beautiful. And all my dates HannibalBurris.com so check me out this fall check him out ladies and gentlemen

thanks y'all my pleasure alright folks this fucking podcast is over live your lives thank you so much bye bye