The Joe Rogan Experience - #1011 - Tom Papa

Episode Date: September 14, 2017

Tom Papa is a comedian, actor, writer and television/radio host. His latest special "Human Mule" is available on HULU now, and you can also listen to his podcast "Come To Papa."

We're gonna go live. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Tom Papa is obviously some sort of a nicotine junkie. He's using a knife made out of a nail to scratch open the box so he can get at these cigars. I feel like Ben Franklin used this knife to open up wine once. Well, no, that's from the Pygmies. Oh, really? Yeah, they made it for me. Look at their little handle.

My good friend Justin Wren, who's been on the podcast a few times, he's this amazing guy that makes wells for the Pygmies. He was a former UFC fighter, now he fights for Bellator. He's in their heavyweight division. This big teddy bear of a guy. The

fucking nicest guy you ever want to meet. He goes to the Congo and builds wells and we've we've helped him out we got some people to donate bitcoin which by the way is worth more money now so what i'm gonna do is take whatever it's worth now and just give it to the congo people we gotta wait this week i gotta wait jp morgan guy screwed it up he fucked up i don't understand the bitcoin i can just make it go up and down fast. Ooh, how's it look?

Ooh, look at that. These cigars. Beautiful. They look luscious. How many people... This is what you offer somebody right before you screw them. Joe, have a cigar. But isn't this strange? Stop and think about this.

Yeah. When you are buying a cigar, like, let's think about the kind of people that you think of smoking cigars. I think of, like, a Jay-Z type character on a yacht, right? Just looking out over the beautiful ocean going, I did it. I fucking did it. I mean, there's no denying I'm here. Jay-Z's got a fat gold rope around his neck, right?

And he's puffed on a cigar. Drinking some champagne. Yeah. Or maybe a nice martini or something. Oh, yeah. Like a gentleman. Yeah. And sitting there just going, what the fuck?

Yeah. It doesn't get any better. This is it. I did it. Yeah, there it is. I'm with Beyonce. Yeah. I mean-

Come on. He's a man of cigar. Absolutely. He fucking wins. Yeah. He wins so hard. And that's the beauty of the cigar is you could be in your little crappy yard smoking a cigar. You feel like that.

But here's my thought. When we associate the cigar with that guy, think about who makes a cigar. You're talking about people who live in tiny villages that get paid almost nothing that are rolling these things together. God bless them. How much are they getting paid? I mean, I know there's some places in Miami where you can actually go and you can actually watch them make cigars. They'll roll up cigars. It's pretty badass.

But, like, who is profiting from this? Yeah, whoever owns the big giant tobacco company. Right, but they need those people that roll those things. Yeah, you do. But, you know, the little guy who's rolling the things, he's, you know, just making a little living doing his little thing. He can't build the whole tobacco company. This is corporate Tom, Tom. Yeah. What it's essentially like.

He's a little worker. You need the worker bee and you need the queen bee. Right, but isn't that person a lot like what we were talking about with stand-up? Like the comedian is the one who actually makes the product, right? Yes. The comedy clubs were getting all the money. Right. And you were in poverty.

And the comedy club was balling out of control. Yeah. Wouldn't you feel like, this is bullshit? Yes and no. Because in New York, as you remember, there was a big riot. Everyone was like, these clubs are paying us 20 bucks a spot. They've been paying us that forever. Screw them.

They make money. And I had a hard time with it because I felt like what they're giving us in a place to go and do stand up every night and have an audience there. The value I was getting for my act was so much more valuable than the $20 I was getting paid. I didn't care about the $20. I wanted them to give me a place where I could go work on my act and then take that to some other city or some other bigger gig. And that's where I would make my money. So, you know what I mean?

It wasn't purely like, screw the man. The man's giving me a comedy club and has run this place for 30 years, so I can roll in on a Wednesday and have 200 people there. Well, there's certainly, I think, a different feel that you have for places that are... Say if you were an Ice House comedian.

You essentially have a partnership with the ice house. Like I feel like I have a bit of a partnership with the ice house. Yes. Well, you do. You sell it out. Yeah. And I love that place and I love Bob, the guy who owns it. Great.

And I don't mean a partnership like I have an ownership in it, but I feel like there's, I have a bit of an obligation, I think we all do, to perform at the great clubs. Just like to keep them floating. Yeah. And to keep everybody happy. Because you can. And because it's good for you. And it's good for me.

And it's good for everybody. Yeah. Instead of a partnership. Maybe that's not the best word. But there's some sort of inexorable relationship. You cannot separate them. For sure. Like there's some cities you know

like uh hilarity's in cleveland right i love that club i love the owner amazing place nick's the greatest guy great food too they're also they're like family it literally is great people i have no interest of going to cleveland and playing a theater because if i if everybody comes up and jumps on nick right then i'd rather draw spend a couple days i'll make the same money pretty much i like that is a relationship like we've had a relationship throughout the years for me to jump and it seems weird it does right but there's some other places that uh you don't feel like that i I mean, you know, also your thing with the Ice House, it's like you say you're playing the Ice House now, and by tonight it's sold out, before tonight.

And he's got a really good business going there. Well, it's also I've been able to get guys like you in there on stage, and Burr comes in a lot now. Yeah. It's like you get people to realize, like, this is an amazing place to practice. Yeah. And the people are so cool. It's like you get people to realize this is an amazing place to practice. Yeah. And the people are so cool. The best.

There's a difference in the feel of the audience. Like LA, it's like, wow, we're at the comedy store. Can you believe it? We're in Ice House. It's like, wow, we're out to see a show. It's like there really is. Yeah. There's a different feel to it all. Totally different.

Yeah. You feel like you're almost a little on the road. Almost on the road. Yeah. You know what's like that too? Oxnard. Oxn ever done that place no oh the new levity no no no amazing club and now we're outside of la and you're on the road uh comedy magic same kind of thing same thing you know any place where when you wake up in the morning you're like oh i gotta drive there but you know those gigs man they're so fucking important because you have to have those

shitty gigs to appreciate to appreciate the nice ones oh absolutely every gig is good yeah even the worst ones but back to your uh cigar thing you know there are these little workers that are probably making two dollars a day that's the point rolling the stuff i mean i'm just guessing i don't really know maybe we're dead off and maybe these people are like highly compensated, skilled labor. Well, it's probably layers of it. There's probably a guy who's really good at it, you know, who runs everybody who's been there for

30 years. Watch him roll and his motherfucker could just like, you know dudes who could just roll joints? You ever meet those guys? Oh, so impressive. Like a cigarette. They slide it out their mouth. I have no skill. I am a fucking ape-fingered retard when it comes to rolling joints.

I used to be good at it. But I watch some people, like Tony Inchcliffe can roll a fucking fat joint. Really? Yeah. Jamie Vernon rolls a goddamn good joint. I used to be good at it. You know what the problem with me, man? I got one of those roller things.

Those little- A little roll machine? With the fingers. The best ones are with the fingers. There's one that I have that you could go like that. You put the rolling paper in. You put the weed in. And then you lick the paper.

And then you just go like that. Bum, bum. And it does it all. Really? All by itself. Yeah, it rolls it up. It's so advanced. Yeah.

It's so advanced. It's so good. I'm like, I'm not rolling this by my hand what am i an asshole when you're smoking by yourself fire with sticks and shit yeah when you're by yourself do you roll or do you just take like i buy them already rolled oh you buy them already rolled from la speedweed for all your delivery services that's very nice when you buy them already rolled like you don't have to think about it i don't want to think about shit yeah but some people have the ritual.

But the ritual of that. I used to love the- Do you do it on an album? I used to when they had albums. What has replaced the album for rolling weed on? And then it went to CD cover. You would do it on a CD cover. Some people use those actual weed theme trays.

That seems kind of corny to me. Yeah. I feel like you should steal some shit from a cafeteria. Right? Yeah. Have like a Pirates of the Caribbean, like ornate little tray. You know what you should have, man?

You should get one of them aluminum ones from prison because you're in a prison of your own mind, man. That would be actually kind of badass. A real like standard issue aluminum prison tray for weed. Comes with fake mashed potatoes. You're in the prison of your own mind, man. Man, you gotta free your mind. Do you have a cutter?

I do not. Oh yeah, I do. I could chew it off. When I think about the cigar though, I don't think of Jay-Z so much as, like, it's a wonderful life. Like the banker in It's a Wonderful Life. We had a box with a cutter in it and some other bullshit. Did I bring that in? I could bite it off.

Is that over there? If you bite it off, though, I feel like it's one of those things. When I started out of school, I worked in advertising for a little while. And I used to go to this nursing home. It was small advertising. And we would go to a nursing home, and we would do all the ad campaign for this guy who owned like five nursing homes.

He was a really rich guy. And he looked a little like a frog. He was like an older guy. He came up in the war, and he used to, you know, first he started with trucks, now he owns nursing homes. And he was just like an old school guy, big glasses. And he always had a cigar. All day long, he'd walk around with a cigar in his mouth, just like an old school guy, big glasses. And he always had a cigar. All day long, he'd walk around with a cigar in his mouth, just chomping on it, not lit.

He would just chomp it, chomp it, chomp it. And it would be like kind of scuzzy at the end. But then eventually, no cutter, at the end, he'd been chewing it so long, he'd just spit it out and then light it up. Yeah. What a weirdo. Can't find it? Don't worry about it, Jamie. It might be in the other room. I can bite it up. Hmm. Yeah. What a weirdo. Can't find it? Don't worry about it, Jamie. It might be in the other room.

I can bite it off. Don't worry about it. I feel like it's in the kitchen. I'm doing it already. Yeah, we'll just bite it off. Just go old school. Yeah, yeah. Old school Bugsy shingle type.

You do feel like a big shot with a cigar. Why is that? I don't know. In the box? Why do you feel like a big shot? I don't know. I feel gross spitting it you feel like a big shot? I don't know. I feel gross spitting it out, too. I know.

Here is a tissue. Getting the weed in there, son. Yeah, but, Jamie, can we find out whether or not cigar rollers are... Abused? And underpaid? Cigar industry is going to be pissed at us now. I'm sure. It's a weird thing right it's like a cigar is like a a thing it's affluent right but it's also like a like a guy thing or yes chick who can hang thing bro she smokes cigars i mean come on you know she's a

girl with like an open blouse like like wearing glasses, like smoking a cigar. With a men's Rolex. With a baseball hat on. Yeah. Like a fucking Dodgers hat on. Yes. You know. Screaming facts about the Broncos.

Yeah, with like those cheerleader type socks. Go all the way up to her knees. No shoes on. That girl's fun to hang with one night, but you don't want that girl for the long haul. Well, she's a sprinter. Right. Yeah, exactly. You want to date the long haul. Well, she's a sprinter. Right. Yeah, exactly. You want to date a marathon runner.

Yeah, yeah. You want to date an ultra marathon runner. Someone who's just slow and steady and they just keep that pace and they will not quit. Yeah. Arms in tight, just going little steps. A chick with no underwear on and sweat socks with your shirt on and she's smoking a cigar. Yeah. Alright. You're not coming to

Thanksgiving. I don't think this is going to make it. This one's not going to make it. This one's going to be fun for a little while. But it's like a roller coaster. Would you want to ride a roller coaster eight hours a day for the rest of your life? Right. Exactly. You'll be nauseous all the time. Yeah. I mean, that's the function that crazy people have in your life. They're valuable but be nauseous all the time yeah i mean that's that's

the function that crazy people have in your life they're valuable but you don't want to be around them constantly no a hell of a lot of fun no you pack up the car and go visit once in a while and that's it yeah crazy people are exhausting man totally exhausting i went with this crazy girl once and it went on longer than it should. And she was intensely fun. I mean, crazy, just,

you know, insane. Everything about it was fun and insane. And I stayed in too long. And by the end of it, I was like, you just got it. You got to go.

I was almost in tears. I was like, you got to get out of here. I can't, I can't live like this. Cause it wasn't just the, like the crazy fun drama. It was like, they directed at you at of here. I can't live like this. Because it wasn't just the crazy fun drama. It was like they directed at you at a certain point, and they want to put the crazy on you and analyze and fight and do all that stuff. Some people definitely want to fight.

I can't live with fight. I'm not a fighter. I'm not either. Some people think that you're supposed to. That's how a relationship is supposed to be. If you're not fighting, you're somehow or another, you don't care about each other. Cause if you care, you get upset.

So very weird sort of dynamic, the man woman relationship dynamic of things that people think you should and shouldn't expect. Right. The way people behave or don't behave the way they talk to you or don't talk to you. Like, yeah,

it's very, you know, it's weird. As if it's all the same. If any friendship is the same. Yeah. Don't let, don't let people be mean to you.

Don't let them fucking beat you down, yell shit at you. But some people, like, if you grow up in a home that fights all the time, you get used to that. And then it's not a big deal. Like, she would, this girl, she would fight, scream and yell at her. And, like, as soon as it was done, she'd be fine. Just, like, have some coffee and just, like, sit there. And I'd be shaking. Like, oh oh my God, why did she say that? Oh my God.

I am not good with that kind of tension. Not at all. Yeah, I used to date this girl who would get really mad. Like really mad and want to fight. And then once there was some sort of resolution, she would immediately turn docile. It was very odd. Docile. Because, like, she'd be aggressive to, like, start some sort of altercation,

but you could calm the altercation down. Right. You could shut it down. Yeah. But you had to almost shut it down by just saying, you're not going to do this. I'm not going to talk like this. Like, this is stupid.

Like a child. Yeah, and I was young, so I needed to learn, like, how to talk to people. Right. Like, or how to talk to people right like or how to manage situations like sometimes like something's happening between two people like you're you're upset about something and instead of thinking about how you're conveying your thought to them all you think of is what you want to happen you know right i want you to shut the fuck up right yeah i know even though you want someone to shut the fuck up. Even though you want someone to shut the fuck up,

the problem is when you say that, you're not really thinking about communicating with them through their eyes. Nobody wants anyone to say, shut the fuck up. But we say it because we want people to shut the fuck up. And you can't deal with it. At a certain point, you don't care what their needs are. You just want people to shut the fuck up. And you can't deal with it. Yeah. At a certain point, you don't care what their needs are. You just want them to stop.

Well, it's also like when people want people to do things. There's the mindset of you wanting a result. You want someone to behave a certain way. Instead of thinking about them as like your're equal like just another human being and instead of thinking like i have to get what i want like what is it that you want okay what what happened here like why are we why we have this pass i find like in past getting older that thing i'm more aware of you're it's that big part of not thinking about you all the time you're always thinking especially when you're young and you're like coming up and you're doing it's just me me me me because you're just trying to survive you're trying to figure you don't even know what you want when you shut

that part down and think about the person across from you yeah it opens up the whole world but it's a difficult thing to learn especially when you're young contradictory to success like you think but not like it's like yeah i think it's like if you don't think about yourself no one will you know there's that kind of thought process right just get really good at shit you know and the best way here's the ironic thing one of the best ways to get really good at shit yeah is shutting that voice down yeah because shut it down especially anything creative the voice that voice like me me me right this and i want that and i want you know people to listen to me right shut that thing down yeah the more you can shut that thing down and the more whatever you do you concentrate on it going to work and

nobody does it perfect nobody does it perfect well it's not only that you they don't does it perfect. Nobody does it perfect. Well, it's not only that they don't do it perfect. It's that you have to constantly re-teach yourself that. You have to constantly bring yourself back. That's huge. Bring yourself back. It's a trick. It's an ongoing exercise. It really is.

And that's why it's like, I was watching this interview with Nate Diaz, UFC fighter. He's hilarious. And Nate was talking about watching himself on The Ultimate Fighter from 10 years ago. And he's like, please shut that shit off. He goes, anybody watch a video of yourself from 10 years ago. And you'd be like, shut that shit up. And I was thinking, he's so right. That's such an obvious thing.

Nobody likes to see themselves from a long time ago because we're all a work in progress. Everybody is. But when you were in that moment, when that video was taken of you, you thought you had it going on. You thought you were doing it, right? Yeah, for sure. I mean, right now, we think we're in the moment like we're doing fine. But if you were to look back at this, there'd be something wrong. I'm upset that the cigar has two bands.

I took the first band off immediately. I feel like the cigar can go fuck itself because of that. It's too fancy. This is outrageous. I am really enjoying it, though. You don't need two bands. How about you take the money from one of these bands and pay those dudes to roll this motherfucker? You're such a socialist.

I'm turning commie as I get old. Something's happening. Are you? I'm shifting. Are you shifting? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I shift towards lately more than anything is like kindness to our fellow humans. That is the exact word I have been using all month.

Act out of kindness. Yeah. Politicians, people, grocers, my family, just be kind. Just be kind. Yeah, and I think the more we recognize that, the more we see evidence of that, even an idea, even in like groups or, you know, chunks of people that share our mindset on other things. And we don't want to call it. We don't want to call them out on it.

Right. Like, say, if you're a Republican and there's like some Republican candidate or something that's running for president, but they're really shady in one way or they're corrupt or what? And you know, like you don't want to talk about it because it's a part of your party. Yeah. Right. That's insane. You can't.

Yeah. You, well, you know. Tribalism inside our own civilization is fucking bananas. I feel like that's like the most disturbing thing of the, all the discourse now is that people are so entrenched in these teams. Yeah. You're a sucker if you're that in on any of these teams. No team is part...

You've got to flow. Do you think that's because people are scared, and so they feel more comfort in being a part of some rigid team? Like, say if you're a right... That's what I see in a lot of these white supremacists. I see fear. These guys are walking and they're holding these flags and these torches and they're yelling things. I see fear. Yeah.

I really do. I'd say that's a big part of what it is. Yeah, they're coming for me. They're coming for us. They're pushing us out. We're supposed to all be the same thing. We look different. Jesus Christ, that's it?

I mean, and all the other differences that we have like left and right and ideologies and it's like how can you be all in yeah on any political yeah organization like how can you how it's it's blind faith it's just like what's that i'm all in on weed well all right team weed you can go for it i'll go team cigar how can you i really don't understand it like you really have and what's really upsetting about it is it goes completely against what we're talking about listening to the other person like really listening to them there's a there's a guy on my block older guy he's retired he's got his little dog he walks his little dog every day and he always hey you, we've only been there a couple of years.

Good morning, Tom. Good morning, Bob. And he just walks with his dog. And he's just like this nice, he's the guy from, he's in my movie of my life. He's the extra that walks the guy. My wife saw that he had a Trump poster in his garage. And my wife was all in on Hillary. She was like, I don't think I can, i don't think i can i don't think i can

i can talk to him i was like yes you can that doesn't mean any so what so that's what he went for and so what he's bob the guy with the dog yeah he's a loving person who really is excited to see us and our children and our dog in the morning. Stop using that thing, this one isolated thing, as a marker for whether or not this person can enter your life in any way. The only way you should is if that person is trying to force that on you and make you believe what they believe. And if you don't support Trump, then they hate you. And then it becomes, it's virtually interchangeable with religion.

Yeah. Right? Like if your next door neighbor is a Jew and the guy on the other side of you is a Baptist, and you're an atheist, there's no reason why you can't all be great friends. Yeah. Great friends. Yeah, hang out. Just like, hey, what's up? You guys want to come over?

We're going to do some hot dogs or whatever? Right, exactly. Or kosher? Yeah. You know what I mean? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit?

And isn't it more effective if you are really politically minded and really want your, you really love Hillary and you love what she stood for and you want that. Isn't it more effective to invite this guy into your life and let him see that he has a lot more in common with this liberal family at the end of the block than putting up walls and keeping them out. I think that people were given a real disservice by being forced to choose only on one side or the other. One of them is Donald Trump, and the other one is Hillary Clinton. This hustle system that they put together of a two-party system is the reason why it's so difficult, because a party has to choose a candidate.

You have to vote in the primaries, so you have to be registered. Not that many people are. When you think about the actual numbers of people that vote in the primaries, it's a fraction of the people that vote in the general election, right? And that's a fraction of the population. Yeah. And so if you're forced to choose between this really lackluster candidate and people say, oh, she had all this experience,

regardless of what you think about Hillaryary whether they supported her or not you you'd have to look at it objectively and say well she's a deeply flawed candidate i mean she had a lot of issues there's a lot of credibility issues she didn't support gay marriage until 2013 that was one of my big red flags yeah because i'm like how why do you care right why do you care like if you really care if you really think really believe that gay people shouldn't have the same rights in in terms of like bonding in a relationship than a straight person well that's a crazy person's idea like what do you give a shit right that doesn't make any sense yeah if what is why is it there's no no proof that marriage is putting this gigantic burden on us financially. Yeah.

And why do you care about how these people live? Exactly. Just leave them be. Be kind. That was a big one to me. And then, like, when you hear the difference between what Comey said about the investigation and what the results were versus what she said, like, there's a video where it plays it back to back where she says that everything was fine and everything was no big deal.

And he's like it's a fucking huge deal and they like she would say that you know this would there was no evidence of this and he said there was evidence of this in multiple occasions it's like you look at the two of them back to back you know what the fuck man yeah and people got mad at me for making a big deal out of that like there's a lot of people that say hey man you know you're partially responsible and people like you for pointing out all this Hillary Clinton shit. Like, right. No, no.

We're talking about reality. Not we're not responsible for reality sucking. Well, but the idea is the opposite is don't talk about it at all. Right. And pretend it doesn't exist. And that's and that's the problem with with all these people being pit against each other. They can't see the other side and have a little bit of flow. people being pit against each other that you can't see the other side and have a little bit of flow i feel like it also uh has become this it's almost like news is entertainment now when we watch

you know 24-hour news programs and stuff it's like rooting for the bears or rooting for the steelers you know what i mean like it's become this passionate, you know, sport. Yeah. Entertaining sport. It's kind of upsetting. I mean, it's very upsetting. Like guys like that Sean Hannity guy. Yeah. How is that guy any more different than like a local football broadcaster who's really excited about the Patriots? Patriots kicking ass this season.

Oh, my God. It's going to be great. They're not going to be stopped. The Patriots. They say what they want about Brady. He didn't deplete those balls. Completely, yeah. He's like a fucking rah-rah Republican character.

Right. Just almost like a football guy. 100%. Literally. You know he's all in. He's all in. Whatever the fuck the Republican point is, he's all in. Yeah, and you're not going to convince him to like the New York Giants.

He's a Patriots guy. that's just the way it goes but i really feel like you got to go through life and rather than thinking about and i want to be too preachy but not to be you shouldn't be going by my party you should be going by the acts of these people yes so everybody everybody's like uh uh So you can hate that Pruitt is going after public lands and rolling back all this EPA stuff. And then you see Trump make a deal yesterday with Pelosi and Schumer saying, we're going to try and make sure that these DACA kids are allowed to stay. It threw everybody like, wait, what? But I still have to hate him but nancy pelosi's in his office making a deal with him well that's how you should act it

should be he should be allowed to do something kind he should be allowed to you should be allowed to call him out when he does something shitty yeah it shouldn't be just this blanket i love the guy no matter what well you know someone said, someone said, and I forget who it was, I forget who the person was that had this idea, but the idea was that one of the good things about Trump would be that he is concerned with public opinion. And so if he floats an idea out there and it's not popular or it's really damaging public opinion of him, he'll take a second look at it, which is a very non-politician-like thing to do. You know, and people point to

terrible things that he's done in the past almost as, like, evidence that he can't evolve. You know, like, evidence that he's a sociopath. Right. We're fucking doomed if that's the case. We're doomed if... With human beings in... With human beings in general.

In general, right. And we're doomed... I mean, if you can't learn at 70, is it over? Like, there's a difference. Yeah. Like doomed. I mean, if you can't learn at 70, is it over? Like, there's a difference. Like, when you're 20, you can figure things out. When you're 30, you know, I'm better than I was when I was 20. Right.

But when you get to 70, no. Then there's no learning. Yeah, there's no more learning. Even in, like, a super extreme scenario, like being the president of the free world. Yeah, it's terrifying. I mean, he's the leader of the free world. Yeah, at 70. At 70.

And with a bunch of people that hate him. And then talking about shipping immigrant kids back. There's people that were born here when they were two. No. Or they were brought here, rather, when they were two. They were born in another country. They don't know the other country at all. And they'll send them back to it. It's crazy.

It's scary. It's very scary. It's scary because there's not there's no empathy to that like these people no terror it's one thing if someone is some sort of a dangerous criminal well if that's the case they should be in fucking jail that's what jail's for right of course so why would you just set them free in mexico that sounds crazy and you know we have this girl in our life who was born here she She was part of that and has since gotten her citizenship. So she was safe.

But just recently. So as soon as they came in and started saying we might send them back, it was like terrible. She was like hiding in our house. Like, can I just sleep here? She was so nervous just to sleep in her little apartment somewhere because she thought they were going to come and get her. Dude, a friend of mine is a contractor and he went to Home Depot and he's in Home Depot. He gets out of his car and these ICE guys, I mean, this guy is distinguished looking, you know, handsome man.

Yeah. In his fifties. Right. You know, and speaks perfect English. Uh-huh. They flash their fucking badges. You know, he makes them, shows the first day, just said, you have to, and he goes, listen. Just came up to him in the parking lot?

He goes, listen, dumbass. He's like, he's former military. He's like, I told him. He goes, I was in the military. Like, you guys can't just do this. This is not something you do. You don't just come up to someone and ask, where were you born? Is that what they, that's how they let it?

They came up to him. Where are you born? Show me your ID. Oh my God. And he was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? He goes, I'm going to show you my military ID. Okay, here you go. Now here's my ID. Oh my god. And he was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? He goes, I'm going to show you my military ID. Okay, here you go. Now here's my ID. Okay, now, what the fuck

are you guys doing? You can't do this. He's like, this is totally illegal. That's insane. Just grabbing people out of their cars for no reason. Walking about your life. Looking brown, bro. You're looking pretty brown over there, bro. See? That's not kind. Looking brown, bro. Where you born?

That's insane. They asked him where he was born. That's so crazy. He served in our military. Exactly. That's insane. He doesn't have any fucking control. First of all, he was born in America.

He was? Yes, absolutely. But he has to prove that. He has to prove it because he's brown. But just ask him, where did your parents have you? It's the one thing you cannot control. I know. In a nation of immigrants.

Don't you think? I mean, right, exactly. We wouldn't be anything without immigration. My parents' parents weren't born here. Exactly. Native Americans are the only ones who were legitimately here long enough to claim it. Even they came across the fucking Bering land bridge from Asia. Right before it split off.

It's nobody's spot. It's nobody's. You fucking assholes. Yeah. Just taking a brown guy out of his Subaru. I'm sure if you took those guys and those officials, they have to have the same story. We all came from somewhere else.

I know. It's insane. So crazy. This guy's not doing a crime. You're just assuming that he's some sort of an illegal immigrant because he's at Home Depot. He needed paint, you fuck. I know.

He fixes things himself. He's a fucking contractor. He can't be an American. Oh, it's so weird. We just throw our shit out. He's trying to fix his TV? All right. If that's not...

Is that racial profiling or is that racist i feel like it's more racist i think it's more racist because look racist really means that you are using power to put people down for the race and when we say racist is just saying something shitty about somebody it's not really it's it's when you really have power over people and use that yeah and that's what that is oh yeah 100 and it's it's like a target and here's the thing man maybe he's right 30 of the time that he does this maybe that cop does that all the time and catches these guys that are there that are illegal immigrants and they're just there to try to hustle and work on people's houses like that's why we have laws it's like exactly the guy here's the thing it's a wasted

resource unless they're criminals right unless they're criminals while there are people who were fucked right fucked at birth at birth at birth just because of where they came right they're stuck in some poor country and they figure out a way to get across the border illegally can you imagine can you imagine how desperate people must be in these other countries that you would as a father you would tell your kids go with this man and hopefully get over to that other country for a better life could you imagine how desperate you would have to be to tell your children go that is a desperate desperate situation and it just is this roll of the dice that you were born 50 miles that way or like my friend justin who makes these wells for people in the congo the well just having fresh water yeah

changes their life the one thing that we absolutely take for granted is they give it away free at restaurants. Yeah, exactly. The thing that we give away to everybody for free is a thing that changes their life in the Congo. A fresh, clean glass of water.

Is that amazing? To us, it's nothing. Nothing. It's everything. You clean your asshole with it with those Japanese toilets. You have one of those?

I do. Oh, it's the best. The best. I moved into a house. I didn't know what it was. And we were just looking around. We walk into the bathroom and the lid opened. Oh, and it sees you.

It's one of those. Oh, yeah. Next level. And the seat is warm. Oh, it's heaven. It is. It's almost sexual. Because that warm water is shooting into your asshole.

And here's the thing. There's only an on-off button. There's no tire. It doesn't go, hey, fucker, enough, you creep. How many people are just sitting there with water shooting out of their asshole, stroking their shaft? I mean, it must be like the number one tool for masturbation. And everybody around the world does it, but Americans.

It's not, right? The bidet is not a main thing in America. What we prefer to do is chop down trees and make a fine paper of that that we smear shit all over our asshole with. Oh, God. That's the standard. And then walk about your day.

Yeah, with fecal matter all over the fucking room. I mean, we could radically cut down on the amount of fecal matter available if we just had jets of water that clean our asshole like the rest of the world. Right, and just fly it out. But the rest of the world, they do that bidet thing, which is awkward.

It's like the most un-ergonomic thing ever created. Well, those tubes and those... This metal pipe thing is right where your asshole goes and there's nowhere to sit. It seems much nastier. The first time you walk into a hotel and saw that as a kid, you were like, what the hell? I don't care if I'm cleaner.

I'm not doing that. I was in a hotel in New York City. I forgot the hotel. But they had some crazy setup where there was not just a bidet, but they had two fucking hoses, one on either side of the bowl. In that hard metal. So you got a bidet over here. Yeah.

And then you got a bath with these two fucking car wash hoses. Oh my God. That are right next to the toilet. How clean do you have to be? But it's like, I mean, you just shoot water everywhere while you're shitting. What are you doing with those two? What are you doing in there? It's like one in the right you just shoot water everywhere while you're shitting. What are you doing with those two? What are you doing in there? It's like one in the right hand and one in the left hand.

Yeah, why? I don't like cleaning my asshole with my right hand. Can't do it. Gotta go left. And I have to reach over here and grab this and strangle myself as I clean my butt. I keep my phone. I looked this up when that happened. I remember that.

Yeah? The answer, I don't know if it's even better than the bidet, it's to clean the shit off the inside of the toilet. That many? No. One of them is. That's why it's so hard. Double hose, bro.

It's like to keep it clean the whole time. What if you get the wrong one and blow your nuts out? Yeah, I don't know what the second one's for, but that's what one of them is for. Really? That seems so... What's a shitty way to do it? Pardon my pun.

These people are eating the wrong foods. What kind of shit do you take? Thank you. You guys are monsters. Would you ever... Have you ever thought about going to other countries and doing volunteer work? What is that? This came out yesterday or the day before.

You guys are talking about shit. What? 140-town Fatburg. Ton. 140-ton Fatburg. Ton. 140-ton. 140-ton. Oh, my God. Fatburg has been discovered under the streets of London.

What does that mean? It's oil, fat, tampons, wet wipes, diapers. Oh, it's a... And it's stuck in this... It's like concrete now, they said. It's stuck in this pipe. Oh, my God. 420 pounds.

A Fatburg the size of two football pitches. Does that mean like a soccer stadium? Yeah, it's stuck in this pipe. Oh, my God. Look at this. 420 pounds. A fat bird the size of two football pitches. Is that mainly a soccer stadium? Yeah, it's 120 feet. It looks like the globe. Is that bigger or shorter than American football? I think it's a little longer. Of course it is. And wider.

Was found in London sewers. Jesus Christ. And is it blocking something? Is that what the deal is? Yeah, I think it's blocking shit now. Oh, my God. Figure out how to get rid of it. It's blocking a big section of

the pipes under there. Holy shit. Makes sense. Ay yi yi. That is like the ultimate clogged drain. It's so nasty. That's what it is, right? Yeah. No plungers getting that out. Did I ever show you the picture of the tree that was growing in my toilet pipe? No. The shit tree?

No. Dude. I was having a problem. My toilet wouldn't flush correctly. So I had a fella come over to take care of it. And he said, dude, he goes, look at that. That's an actual picture of the thing that was in my bathroom. What is it? That is a tree that's roots got into a small crack in the water pipe. This happened to me in a way.

Because they grow and they continue to grow where the pipe is and they crack it. And once they crack it, something goes inside and then it grows where the water is all up the pipe. So the pipe was clogged with like a tree. It looked like an animal. Oh my God, it's disgusting. So for years you were just years you thought it was going that right out of the pipe it was shows you what i'm eating is super healthy oh my god you're literally shooting trees yeah all the vitamins that come out my piss like my piss is always a bright orange

it's the happiest take so many vitamins it's the happiest root I ever saw. That root went hog wild. It's like almost proof that what I'm doing. It's like Little Shop of Horrors. Like, feed me, Joe. I don't think I was, yeah. Wow. I don't think I was eating wild game back then either. I wonder what it would look like now.

It was happier in your toilet than it was out in nature. What if you change your diet and it's turned different colors? Like, what if it's only growing that color because of that? If you shit in it, maybe with a high-beat concentrate diet. That's so big, it looks like it has a personality. It probably does. It's probably telling the rest of the trees. Get in here, bro.

I'm so happy. Do you hear about that? From the fountain of nutrients, there's water and shit. You're going to love it. Wait a minute. In a pipe? Yeah. fountain of nutrients, there's water and shit. You're going to love it. Wait a minute, in a pipe? Yeah. You live in a stew of water and shit, and they keep dropping shit on you every day, and you absorb it. No way.

You live there? Yeah, bro. There's no dirt. It's just water and shit. And they let you live there? No, he has no idea I'm there. Bro, I'm telling you, dirt sucks. Fuck dirt.

What you need to do is grow in a shit pipe. Fuck, dude. That sounds amazing. A shit pipe. Growing in a shit pipe for a tree is like being Jay-Z with a cigar for a regular person. Sitting on the yacht. So happy. He found the shit pipe. He's just in the pipe. Bro, he's out there hustling. He made his way up the shit pipe.

You hear about Harry? Yeah, bro. He worked at that fucking pipe for years, man man you gotta admit the dude put his time in all right there's a lot of weeds out there that are complaining about harry but these fuckers they grow real fast and then they just stay the same size they're not hustlers i don't know they don't have the long game like harry i don't know harry seems happy but could he be i mean i would miss the sun. Personally, I'd miss the sunshine. You say that, okay, but Harry's mostly a root, all right?

Yeah, true. And he could be out there in the dirt and occasionally peak up a little. Good point. You know those sad roots that have the story to the rest of the root system? Like, they're up above, and the rest of the root's like, what's going on up there? Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. A deer's coming. I'm making a break for it.

A deer's going to eat the little saplings. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. A deer's coming. I'm making a break for it. A deer's gonna eat the little saplings. Shut the fuck up. I miss Harry. Yeah, Harry was a hustler. Harry is the Jay-Z of tree roots. Dude, did you hear? Harry got busted. What? Yeah, this plumber came in. He got ambitious. He got too big.

He got too big. I was telling him, you gotta stay small. You get too big, you fucking sell in keys every day and that's when they come for you. It's behind the music all over again. It is. That is terrible. It is behind the music. God damn it. You're right.

Harry got too big. He's a goddamn bad company song. Harry was a school boy when he heard his first Beatles song. When you see what's going on around the world in these horrible places yeah um my my daughters have friends and the in the summer their parents take them to haiti or someplace and they work for a week or two helping build these places. And it's not, I was like, this is just like a white, you know, I'm feeling good about myself kind of a thing.

You know what I mean? And then I go back home and the beautiful. Fucking white people, man. That kind of, but they really do need the help. Like they really honestly benefit from people coming down and helping them and bringing supplies and stuff. Do you have any desire to do that? Like you're a pygmy guy?

Yeah, I'd have to really think that one through, man. I think my best method of helping is just talking shit here about it. Yeah, you're good at it. Yeah, I mean, donating money. Yeah. But I don't, donating money. Yeah. But I don't know about going there physically. But getting a hammer and go sleeping on a... I don't know if that's the most effective thing for me.

Yeah. Maybe that's just a cop-out on my part. I don't know. I feel like I should do it once. You know what I think the real issue with all these different places is? Mm-hmm. There's only so much access to growth in certain places you know like we think of life as being growth oriented like especially in this country yeah in this country we think of

life not as like do you have enough to eat do you have friends around you that you care about are you having a good time we don't think about it that way right we think about it as are you constantly moving forward are you out of the clubs now? Right. Doing the theaters now? I'm doing some theaters now. Oh, good, good, good. I heard you guys bought a new house.

Yeah, we're going to go. Yeah, you're always moving. Yeah, you're always moving. You're moving up. Moving up. Always going forward. Whereas that is just how we mark success. Whereas in a lot of cultures, that's not even a part of life.

There is no moving up. You can get a job, job and you can work and you're part of this community yeah you do whatever you do whether you're a fisherman or whether you're a carpenter or whatever you do yeah but that's it you just live that life and so that's their idea of what life is now our idea of life is you know get a nice car get a nice house get a big tv But what if there's something past that, right? Like, what if some new thing comes along that makes this idea completely fucking ridiculous? No, no, no. You get enough credit so you can plug into the Matrix. Right.

And then we start thinking like that. Like, this idea that the only way your life could ever be good is if you get a nice new laptop. Right. Or get a, you know, or get a you know or you live in a nice community yeah you know that seems a little weird because really it's just life yeah no i know i mean the bigger yeah and then you get you accumulate more the problem with it is that you accumulate more things yes and then you you're still in that vulnerable feeling now i got to pay for this and and move forward and get like you say

get more like then i then you're with your friend on his private chat you're like oh well i don't have that i guess i have to keep working yeah you know what i mean oh yeah and then this guy has a yacht oh my god he's got a yacht he's got a 59 foot yacht this isn't even big what's big like 120 foot what's a good size yacht the? Connor put this up the other day. This yacht pulled up behind him when he was hanging out wherever he is. That's a yacht? I started thinking about the problems you would have if you had this yacht. You've got to have a security team because I'll show you how big it is.

Oh, my God. That looks like the Death Star. It's got openings on the side for your jet skis and boats. A whole boat can go inside the yacht. Jesus Christ. The problems you would have if you had this yacht would be even crazier. I don't know what it is. Oh, my God.

Look at that. Where is this? It's like a space yacht. I think it's where he is. Maybe something like that. Ibiza? Yeah. That's amazing.

You know how they say it? They say Ibiza. What is that? That's silly. Tell them to put a TH on that bitch. No, there's a... That yacht's incredible, man. It's crazy. Yeah, but what's enough, I No, there's a... That yacht's incredible, man. It's crazy.

Yeah, but what's enough, I guess, is the thing. Look at that thing, man. $360 million yacht, he said. Jesus Christ. What? $360 million yacht. Wow. Fucking A, man.

That's when you're balling. See? What are we doing wrong that we don't have that? Sitting back with a cigar going, we gotta sell more records. We gotta bring back record sales. It's the only way. We looked at the books.

These live concerts just can't do it. It's just not enough money to charge for tickets. I need $390 million to get a slightly larger yacht with a diamond-encrusted anchor. Exactly. And a crew that will lower it and wipe the water off when we pull it out of the water. A crew of hot white chicks with big asses. It's the only buddy who works there.

They don't hire any third world help. It's all hot white chicks. Do you think it's a sickness that we have to keep racing, or do you feel like it's healthy? I feel like it keeps you making stuff and keeps you creating and doing things. It can be either or, right? Right. I mean, it can be a good thing because people who aren't ambitious and don't get things done, a lot of times, we all know lazy guys, and sometimes their family can suffer because they don't make ends meet.

And it's not because of a lack of opportunity. Right. It's just because they fuck up and they're lazy. And they don't just gear with it and get together. But at a certain point in time, we definitely know people that are caught up in it to the point where that's all they're concerned with. Yeah. All they're concerned with is moving up and the numbers and the ladder. Yeah.

That's not good either. No, it's not. So either one, it's like you've defined this comfortable balance as a human being and don't get swept away by your pursuit because your pursuit is just something that you're engaging in. But this is why I like, I like to look at,

this is a fucking very hippie way to look at things, but I honestly like to look at all my pursuits, like everything I do or I try to do as something that hopefully makes me a better person. As contradictory as they are in some ways, like jujitsu, a lot of people would think would be contradictory to making you a better person. No, you're just out there strangling people. You're choking the shit out of them.

It seems kind of mean, Joe Rogan. That's not really what you're doing. What you're doing is you're testing yourself in these extreme situations with other like-minded people and you develop a lot. First of all, you develop a keen understanding of your actual vulnerability. Right. You know, because I've been choked out by people that I outweigh by like 30 pounds, 40 pounds. Really?

Strangling. Yeah, for sure, man. It happens all the time. And I'm decent, right? Yeah. And I get my ass kicked by people way smaller than me. Wow. It's humbling.

And people bigger than me that are better than me, they just run right through me like I don't exist. And I've been doing it a long time. So imagine the average person that has this delusional perspective of who they are. Right. And you also got to get used to getting tapped out. And getting tapped out, it's humbling. And it doesn't feel good. And then you have to be able to just accept it.

It's just a learning thing. Don't get your ego attached to this. The reason why you got tapped out is your arm is supposed to be here and you reached here and you got caught. So don't do that anymore. Now you know. You should thank that person for taking advantage of whatever possibilities you leave. Because when you leave these openings, now you need to know those openings are there

because you didn't know it was there before. Next time, you won't do this with your arm right you'll keep your arm right here like you're supposed to right that and you might still get tapped out but it'll be harder isn't it amazing like any any time you talk about whether it makes you a good person yeah any kind of a thing like that like what you're talking about is kind of similar to yoga it's kind of similar to what we're talking about like going and helping the pygmy it's all about uh the common denominator with all of it is getting your ego out of it yeah getting your ego out of the way and it's a big thing actively looking at like really taking some objective time yeah a lot of people just keep going right they don't ever stop and assess and look at

themselves how could i've done that better how could i've handled this better yeah it's there's a there's a real it's like if you can get rid of the the uh the the ego and the self and all this and realize you're a part of something larger like even in jiu-jitsu like the way you're describing it it's that you're interacting with other human beings it's not like you just isolated walking around thinking i'm great it's only when you get there with other people yeah that you're kind of learning and having that back and forth and i think um i honestly think yoga is real similar in that way too yoga is like very humbling and you do it together with a group of people and everyone's struggling oh and there's this it's brutal and you're. And you're on the mat next to two tiny girls who are just doing things that you can't do. And you're just like, it's humbling.

Yeah, it's humbling. Yeah. Super humbling. There's a lady that works out at my yoga class sometimes. She's like in her, maybe, she might be 60, but she's definitely in her late 50s. Yeah. And she's jacked, dude. She's jacked.

Yeah. She does handstands and shit. Yeah. like it's so inspirational amazing and watching this lady take a yoga class i mean she does crossfit and she's just fucking completely shredded i mean six-pack shoulders just obviously fantastic genetics but also right never stopped working out right like her whole life always moving yeah always doing it jesus like and to be like next to this lady who's also of course ultra flexible yeah in a class yeah watch her do all this she's like holy shit humbling your arms are shaking like a little baby giraffe i think even for her it's humbling though that's my point is like it's fucking hard yeah when you do hard shit and i don't think enough of us do, hard shit puts things in perspective.

Your mind wants to gravitate towards softness and the couch and the easy road and naps and ah, fuck that. Let's quit. Yeah. Your mind gravitates towards that easy. Oh, 100%. Yeah. It's just like, oh, someone's gave me, someone said, you know why people wallow in shit?

Because it's warm and comfortable there is that great it is great isn't that great it is great it is it's like oh it's just like this but you know there's that thing like we're talking about you know being living in these communities in other countries and you just you're a fisherman you do your little thing is that wallowing in shit and just staying small? Or is there beauty and a great life living in something small like that? There's beauty and a great life in doing things that make you happy. And there's a lot of people that believe that subsistence living, like those folks that live off the land, like in villages,

and they catch fish, and they have a whole setup. And they're not without food. They have food. But their life essentially is about procuring food it's not about getting a job at a factory somewhere right right and then a factory will come along and then all of a sudden the factory says hey we'll pay you two dollars a day like holy shit i've never seen two dollars in my life and you start working for this factory and now you're eating terrible food you're not hanging out in the village you're working all day yeah and you're eating terrible food. You're not hanging hanging out in the village working all day Yeah You're making whatever fucking brand of sneakers that they sell in America because they can make them down there and pay a guy $2 a day

Right or whatever the rate is. Yeah, I'm obviously exaggerating. Yeah, but I don't think I'm exaggerating by much I don't like two bucks an hour. Maybe so. Oh, you get $16 a day. Whoa, you fucking really taking care of you guys, right? Whoa, you're fucking really taking care of your guys. Right. You're a good man. We can ship shit down there to have it taken care of, and that these people without us would be broke. Okay, maybe they would, or maybe they live in a rich eco-environment, right? Maybe they live in like- Yeah, a nice, simple, healthy world.

Yeah. Maybe they live in- You ever see that fucking Werder Herzog documentary, Happy People? No. It's called Happy People something in the Taiga, Life in the Taiga. It's about the Taiga

River in Siberia and these people that live up there and they have almost no money. Everything, whatever money that they do have, like if they trap furs and stuff like that they'll trade it in for like equipment and some money to get supplies right and then they live off the land everything is living off the land right and they're like the fucking happiest people in the world really it's it's it's weird man it's a super weird documentary and it really

makes you confront like what is life about? Yeah. And then also these two questions, right? Like are they happy because we evolved that way and that those motions of going out and catching fish and hunting and growing your own vegetables and having a tight knit small community is the benefit in that is that it hits all the old notes that we've had since we evolved you know from the time we were lower primates to living in these small clusters of monkey people yeah living in villages to working together and living off the land and then that has been going on for so long yeah your dna knows it yeah that this most recent trend of moving towards some sort of a technological world is so uncomfortable for us and this working in cubicles with fluorescent lighting is so new yeah no it's it's it's unhealthy my sister runs this uh little non-profit in new jersey called city green and she takes these cities like passaic and patterson these places that uh we're booming and now they've kind of fallen off. And she creates these city gardens in all these different places and brings young students in to sit and work with the earth and grow vegetables.

The change in these kids who are just on their phones and just in this tough city world and there's no money and it's like this desperate. There's no sense of place. There's no sense of what you're supposed to do. you don't know there's no sense of place there's no sense of what you're supposed to do they sit in garden and actually smell the dirt and harvest vegetables and cook that food it changes their life because just what you're saying it's what we're supposed to do it's our nature as beasts but i'm not necessarily saying it's what we're supposed to do as much as i'm saying it's what we did do for so long that we know it and the grooves have already been cut almost like what we're doing now it's like you ever try to um take a screwdriver and a screwdriver doesn't quite fit the screw but you can kind of

make it work yeah and when you kind of make it work it kind of chews up the screw a little bit this is every time i use a screwdriver that's a human being in a city right so it doesn't slot right in right now i think a human being that's living in like the taiga you're talking about grooves that have been polished and cut and the exact fit for the environment boom so all their human reward systems for survival are they're not based on some sort of technological innovation that will move us towards a world of artificial intelligence and fucking the internet going through your brain it's pumping through the sky and wi-fi over the go no it's not that their grooves are carved differently than ours right so our but don't you think your groove like when you go out into the woods don't you feel terrified shouldn't be there what am i doing but when I doing there? But when you come home and you

survived, your soul, something's happened to your soul. Yeah, I appreciate civilization. See, it's not an either or, is my point. It's not like, man, you gotta live in the woods. That's the only way, man. You gotta be warm with nature. Okay, well, you also should go to a nice restaurant in a city. You should also

go see a comedy show. I mean, the very thing that we enjoy most, watching and performing stand-up comedy is all done with electric lights sure microphone in a completely unnatural environment that's air-conditioned yeah but you're dealing with human beings you're dealing with heartbeats and sweat and sure breath but you need all this technology and this is a totally new thing right but it's the most important thing to us right this is a new endeavor for humans yeah but don't you feel like if you're totally disconnected from nature and you just live in that city i know people that don't leave manhattan that's not good they're not healthy people yeah that's not good no they're they're like

shaky and weird right next to the battery all the time yeah is not good. I want the biggest condo. Yeah. I'm telling you, one hike and it would fix their head. Or you can't. See, here's the thing. I think you can be completely healthy being some fucking business person that's out there kicking ass and taking names. I don't think it's impossible. No.

I don't think it's impossible. names i don't think it's impossible no it's impossible i think every for me to say that someone can't do it and be like as fulfilled and happy as these people in the warner herzog documentary is ridiculous like what do i know the people are so different they vary so much and i know people that are fucking miserable when you take them in the woods like fuck all this especially people who don't exercise at all. Have you ever seen a guy that doesn't exercise at all trying to make it up a big steep hill? It is hilarious. It's hilarious.

Their feet start hurting. Their ankles pop. They're basically like sticks surrounded by bags of jello. It really is true. And then they have to move their body up a hill. They're fucked. We live on a hill and they were paving it the other day and my office looks out over the over the street you

know and i watch people walk their dogs or run you know there's like that's why i texted you about hills which we talked about later and uh i so they're paving the street so everyone had to park down at the bottom of the street. Everyone had to walk to their cars. I never saw these people. They were coming out like stick people, walking, and then having to go back up the hill. Miserable. They don't walk. They never walk.

They're trying to get up the thing like a broken down robot. Some people were injured injured for sure. But some people, they just stopped using it and it started deteriorating. Yeah. And you attribute that to getting older. Yeah. Which is absolutely a factor. But it's more of a factor when you don't exercise.

And I sound like some goddamn infomercial. I know I do. But I'm being honest. I'm not talking about do the shit that you do. Or anybody that's fucking CrossFit and like that lady in my yoga class who looks like a Greek statue. No, you don't have to go completely nuts. But you got to move. You got to do something for your body.

You got to do. Just go walk, man. Walk up hills if you can. If you live in a place that has hills. Yeah. It's fucking giant for you. And don't, Bert Kreischer, don't think you're really running when you're running on a treadmill, motherfucker. I was running yesterday.

I was thinking about that because I just listened to it. He runs on real shit, too. I'm just giving him a hard time. I know. He was telling me he was running like seven-minute miles. I'm like, bitch, you weren't going anywhere. You're in the same room. That is a crazy thing to say.

Yeah, exactly. And getting off and writing jokes. But you're not running seven- minute miles on a fucking treadmill. You're in the same room. I don't want to hear any of this mild talk. This is crazy. Yeah, and get outside with the sun in your face and the wind blowing on you. My fucking elliptical told me the other day I went five miles.

I'm like, how did I go five miles? This isn't even a method of transportation if I got off this thing. You know, walking around in this loopy way. I mean, at least when you're on a treadmill, you're mimicking running. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you're kind of running to keep up with the thing. No, you are. But it's like 60%, maybe 70%.

70% running. Yeah. What running is, right? It's better than nothing. Yeah. But ellipticals, what is that? Yeah. You're pulling?

I'm pulling? I'm going miles by pulling? I didn't understand what you were saying about when you texted me that you do the hills for an hour. What does that mean, though? I mean, an hour. That's how long the run takes. It takes about an hour. You're outside for an hour.

Yeah. But you go up. From the time I start, this is my, I've gone further and shorter. And I'll still go shorter if I'm short on time because the end part of my run that I've been doing pretty regularly is the last part is a mile. And seven-tenths of that is straight up. Okay. And it's fucking rough. Yeah.

If I could get up it all the way with a really slow, steady pace. Yeah. But I'm way too meathead for that. So I do mad sprints until I can't do it anymore, and then I pause, and I try to get that pause down to a minute. I get the pause down to a minute where my heartbeat gets to below 140 beats a second,

and then I charge. So I have spots where I know that I can reach, and then I try to go 20 yards past that spot. I got you. And I try to go 20 yards. The ultimate goal is i don't i'll never really make it yeah the ultimate goal is to be able to sprint all the way up the hill gotcha to sprint all i have this killer hill not the one i was just talking about but going up the

other way it's a killer hill paved but it's killer and uh i was thinking i should do because i'll go run three miles but i'm you know it's a little hilly but but i was thinking like should do, because I'll go run three miles, but it's a little hilly, but I was thinking if I were to just spend the workout going up and down that hill. It's amazing. But I don't know what would constitute. Too much? Comparable or more than the three miles that I'm running. It'll be way harder.

It'll be harder, but do it three times? I would say do it once and see how you feel and maybe don't even do it that hard. Yeah. You know, I don't take that advice. I'm a fucking terrible listener

to my own advice because I always do too much and then get real sore and then I realize, okay, I got to back this off and build up to it. That was a big thing with me

with the running. I'm not like, I tried to go way hard on it real quick, and I also tried to go way hard on it with those five-finger shoes. You've got to be super careful with those things. There's great benefit in those things, but they lost a class action lawsuit, and I should clear this up for a lot of people

that have been texting me about this or messaging me or commenting on my Instagram posts about those things. First of all, I'm not paid by these people. They don't support me in any way. They never spent a dime advertising or a penny advertising this podcast. This is Vibram? Vibram five-finger shoes. Right.

I learned about them from Mark Sisson. I learned about them before. Monkey feet. Yeah, those five-finger toe shoes. But Mark Sisson, he's a very well-respected endurance athlete. He was a coach. And now he does, he writes this book, The Primal Blueprint, about like healthy diets. And he goes back and forth from keto to like a real low sugar, low carb, very fat adapted diet.

Really very smart and very well educated guy. What's his name again? Mark Sisson. Sisson. And he was talking about these things, but that's the only things he wears most times he's barefoot. Really? Yeah, he's essentially saying that like your feet in shoes,

it's like your feet being in a cast and all those muscles in your feet sort of atrophy. Yeah. And then when you put on those five finger shoes, those muscles have to work in a way they really don't have to work when they're in a shoe. Yeah. It's much harder atrophy. Yeah. And then when you put on those five-finger shoes, those muscles have to work in a way they really don't have to work when they're in a shoe. Yeah. It's much harder for them.

Right. So the same exercise that you would do, like the same run, is way harder because your feet are getting a way harder workout. Right. But you have to be careful because if you go too hard, a lot of people get plantar fasciitis,

I think that's how you say it, which is like really bad. Like pain? Pain in the bottom of their foot. The fascia is all fucked up. It's tearing, and the bottom of your foot is in severe agony. I know several people that have got it.

Neil Brennan got it. Oh, really? From wearing those five-finger toe shoes on a treadmill. Neil Brennan got it. Really? And he's light. He's not even like pushing mass. He is. But Neil is a bit of an obsessive person

in a good way. I think that maybe he got obsessed with running and maybe ran a little too hard with those shoes. You've got to be super careful with those shoes. Build up slow. But once you do build up, you could run in those things. My feet feel so different than they felt

five months ago really yeah they're way different they're way stronger way stronger but do you need strong feet well here's where it's good what are you doing with these feet just walking around it's easier yeah yeah my ankles are stronger my feet because i'm running all this weird fucked up terrain let me ask you this when you get up at night to go to the bathroom where you wake up in the morning like i get up and you know my ankles are like waking up kind of a thing. Do you still have that? No, I don't have any of that. You don't have any of that. Did you before you ran in these shoes? No, not really. I've never really had much ankle pain if I have a temporary just like creaky

No, like beer can ankles. No for whatever reason I never had that I did so much of my youth kicking things Yeah No, for whatever reason, I did so much of my youth kicking things, I think my ankles are pretty strong. Right. Because when you're throwing kicks, like you think about especially like a side kick or a front kick, there's so much pressure on the ankle. Yeah, you're using them. Yeah, not so much with round kicks, because round kicks kind of pull it apart and you hit with the shin. But when you're hitting with the actual foot itself, there's a lot of stress stress on the ankle and i think my ankles develop really strong because of that right so when i run um i feel a big difference in the workout when i run up a straight hill yeah versus

i run up a like a trail with rocks and shit where i have to jump from one step stone to another and i'm navigating your way with me i'll go come come do it with me one time i'll do it yeah don't do it with the five finger shoes do regular shoes and i still alternate when i need a really hard workout i alternate like and then i put these on this is what i like the best these solomon trail shoes oh yeah yeah you know why because uh this this tread here is the shit oh yeah this tread's you're not gonna slide You're not going to slide out. Oh, not at all. It's like a dirt bike tire or something. It just grips in the dirt. It's like the best traction.

How far, like, a flat run do you go? I don't ever flat run. You don't ever flat run. I mean, I run for these little strips. Yeah, because it's exciting. It's so much more fun. And I see where I'm supposed to go. Back to nature, by the way. Yeah.

You get excited when you're out there. I see a person occasionally walking their dog, hanging out, walking the trails and shit. No, that's great. But it's mostly just me running these hard-ass hills. There's nothing more fun when you're, like, sprinting. When I was a kid, we'd walk to school through the woods. Yeah. Oh, man, it was

just, when you would take off and you're jumping from rock to rock, you know, especially when you know the trail and you know where you've got to jump and slide. Yeah, you're playing. You're having fun. Yeah, that's exactly it. You're playing. I do that when I run, too.

You know when I do that when I run? For real? When I get high first. You get high before you run? Yep. That's, then I'd be, then I'd start thinking I'm having a heart attack. Nope. Nope.

You're not having a heart attack. Your heart's just working hard. Just. Bring it in. Really? Just a heart attack. Nope, nope. You're not having a heart attack. Your heart's just working hard. Just bring it in. Really? Just go for that. Yeah, man. First of all, there's been proof that a lot of endurance athletes find great benefit in marijuana. What?

Even smoking it, vaping it in particular. What? Some of them edibles, yeah. They feel like it dilates your lungs. Uh-huh. Makes your lungs take in more oxygen. Really? And it also makes you more in tune with your body.

A lot of weightlifters smoke weed before they lift weights. Really? A lot of weightlifters. More and more now than ever before. I get messages from people all the time that say, dude, I thought I was a loser. People would say I was a loser for smoking pot before I worked out, but I have some of my best workouts ever. I'm not talking about get so blitz where you look at the curl like, how do I know how to

move my arm like this? I feel weird. I mean, get just a little high right you feel your muscles like yoga too like terence mckenna actually believed that yoga was a guide to how to use hash he felt like hashish and um and marijuana you know hashish is made from marijuana yeah it's the best yeah hashish is awesome yeah and people but hash sounds like you're doing heroin like to like the uneducated uninitiated it's just super strong thc right yeah but the uh the the feeling that they would get from it is from yoga doing it that way is what inspired those moves. And he believes that yoga started with people that were smoking hash.

He believes that that's where it originated from. Like when you're high and you start stretching, it feels really good. And these people are notorious users of cannabis and hashish and a lot of, they smoke. Like he was saying the dirty secret among sadhus is that really what they're concentrated on is how many chillums can you smoke and still be there? And, like, they, like, take pride. What's a chillum?

Chillum is, like, a hit of hash. Oh, that's called a chillum? Yeah. What is the exact definition of chillum? Because the only people I've ever heard is hash people talk about it, and I don't. Chillum. Chillum. See if you can find that.

Because I'm not a, I've only smoked hash a couple of times. I'm not like a prolific hash user. I had a great summer with it. But in other countries, there's like serious hash. It's weird because people get busted, and they get treated when they get busted with hash, like they're smuggling meth or something. Yeah, it sounds more intense. It sounds like a different thing.

It's not a dangerous thing. This is the point. No, it's not at all. It's not a dangerous thing. This is the point. No, it's not at all. It's not a deadly thing. No. But it gets classified in those ways. Like people think of hash as like something from, wasn't that what they got arrested for in the Midnight Express?

That's right. That's right. So yeah, weed. Yeah, right. Exactly. He's in a Turkish prison for weed. Yeah. Here's this dude smoking a chillum.

Oh boy. Yeah. So that guy clearly gets high. That guy gets high as fuck these guys are so high they're painting themselves up like superheroes and shit yeah he's all dreadlocked his face looks like a ghost so these are sadhus that are smoking chillums crazy beard so you see the hash there in his pipe so sadhus just get barbecued barbecued high and they do yoga wow and i noticed it it is yeah um when i i just before i was like doing yoga regularly but i had to do this show and i was particularly nervous because

someone i really didn't like was in the audience and really didn't like yeah really didn't like was in the audience and some people that were there to see me were in the audience so pressure night yeah it was weird yeah right so what i did was i smoked weed and i i got like really stretchy and i started stretching out and in my stretching in like this like severe stretching this guy sound super fucking hippie but i i felt a severe sense of forgiveness for this person that i don't like and i still don't like him to this day yeah i do avoid him at all costs yeah it's not a he's not a healthy human but i felt a severe sense of forgiveness and acceptance and almost like like pity yeah no that's not that's real that's not and love too this like, like pity. Yeah. No,

that's not, that's real. That's not a, and love to this weird love thing. I feel bad for the guy. Like I'm almost, I kind of want him in my life cause I don't want to manage it. Right.

I know what you mean, but there's yoga does. When you go into yoga, you could be stressed and balled up and you can have like a work thing rattling in your head. That's, and you could be pissed at somebody. When you come out, it doesn't matter. And there's a thing that seems counterintuitive.

Like why would stretching make your mind feel better? Like what is going on? And so there's all this rationalization, right? Is it endorphins that are being released? Is it just the fact that your body needed exercise but that's that's this sort of weird sort of um need to dissect things and figure out the one cause yeah the one reason right a minimalist approach or minimalizing you know yeah you want to yeah you want to understand it you want to get your head around it it's all those things it's the physical thing it's probably

the endorphins it's the physical release of the muscles which relaxes your body which relaxes your mind because everything's connected right and it's also the act of stretching this intense act of stretching and holding positions it does something for the overall way that your mind interacts with your body completely the tension of your body affects the way your mind works time becomes different in a class like that that goes by super fucking slow my yoga 90 minute class my yoga teacher said uh she said uh at the end of class she said it's um yoga's like aspirin you may not exactly know why it works but you know it works and it's yoga I don't know what exactly just happened during this hour but I feel

much more at peace when I walk out of there than I did coming in 100% that's a good way to look at it it just works they talk crazy shit in yoga though this is massaging your descending colon, no it's not

you only use 7% of your brain. No, that's not true. That's been disproven. Stop saying that. Yeah, no. It took me a long time to find a yoga teacher that wasn't taking me down the weird spots and talking all that stuff. She's just so...

Let's just do this. Here's the pose. Correct your arm. Correct that. She doesn't get hippy-dippy. One ohm and you're in. It's just awesome enough as's the pose correct your arm correct that she doesn't get hippy dippy one ohm and you're in it's just awesome enough as it is and it's not all of them

that do this you know the place I go to the tricker runs she never does that she doesn't say crazy shit but she's inspirational and there's a lot of people in there that are inspirational

yeah and all of their weird styles like this one dude that teaches in my class got all these freaky tattoos got this weird style oh yeah you know this other guy is like a boxing fan and he teaches a killer yoga class I also like this one dude that teaches in my class, got all these freaky tattoos, got this weird style. Oh yeah. You know,

other guys like a boxing fan and he teaches a killer yoga class. It's a, it's a weird thing, man. There's mutations of it. And like, you know, people start to make it into the sport and do this stuff.

People get a little fired up with that, right? Yeah. Not really into that. You know what I don't like is the, the dude that takes his shirt off, the big sweaty older dude that takes his shirt off i mean it's 90 women i just feel like sit in the back calm down don't make a scene just as a dude

do your thing and get out of there why is he what would he mean he's he's got a big gross ponytail and he takes his shirt off in your place dudes don't take their shirt off just keep their shirt on in your place i keep my shirt on see no one in my place keeps their shirt on. No guys. No? Yeah, maybe like one out of like 10. I'm sweating so much. I'm sweating like an animal.

It's 105 degrees in there, 104 degrees. I don't need... Why would you want a shirt on? I don't do the hot yoga. I don't do Bikram. Oh, that's the difference. I do straight yoga and I'm... Straight.

What are you saying? Should I do his gay? I don't do your gay yoga. What's gay yoga? No, I'm so what are you saying should I do as gay I don't do your gay yoga what's gay yoga no I'm so sweaty even doing that I have to keep a shirt on my mat will be soaked

okay bro it's disgusting don't be scared don't be scared of a soaked mat you're there to work out yeah scared of sweat no

you know what I'm scared of I'm scared of I don't want to offend that little girl who's next to me well she's in yoga class man I know but I just feel like do you to offend that little girl who's next to me. Well, she's in yoga class, man. I know, but I just feel like, do you need me with my half hairy back next to you? That's you being a comedian.

Is it? Yeah, you're like, oh, look at me. I'm so fucking gross. I keep my clothes on. I mean, I'm sure you're probably thinking of material. Like, I know you find me disgusting. I find me disgusting. I want to look at myself in the mirror.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's supposed to be about the act of the movements. I know. When can you do the movements most free? For you, if it's with a shirt on, wear a shirt. I feel like out of kindness, I just keep my shirt on and keep a low profile.

Do you tie rope around the base of your dick and balls? Well, yeah. Everybody does that. Do you wear yoga pants or are you like a board shorts type of guy? No, I'm a, you have those same shorts that I run in. I dress up like a high school gym coach. Like those sweatpants, old school gray style. Yeah.

Go all the way down there. You'd be so hot. Oh my God. You wear those hot sweatpants in a B-crims class. Man, I should do that one day just to see if I can. Yeah. Dress like a wrestler. Like a real thick, yeah. Cutting weight's the worst. You wear those hot sweatpants in a B-crims class? Man, I should do that one day just to see if I can. Yeah. Dress like a wrestler trying to cut weight.

Like a real thick, yeah. Oh, cutting weight's the worst. Those like thick-ass, old-school. You know who's making those again? Converse. Converse is making those thick-ass, old-school, gray sweatshirts that don't have any markings on them. Interesting. And they're really like high quality. I was like, ooh, this is like.

Old school. Minimalist. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. I like that look. I would do that in yoga class. Just fuck all your crazy colors and stripes and shit. Gray, you're here to sweat.

Why isn't your shirt turned color, Papa? What are you doing? If you're wearing a black shirt, no one knows if you're sweating. I'm going to get real close to you. I sweat like an animal. I'm sweating now. I'm in yoga class. I'm going to be sweating like crazy hard work it is i love it but get high and do it just try it i will i don't know i don't know thank me all right i'm gonna

try it or you'll yell at me depending on how much pot you smoke joe i started and then i started my heart was racing i started thinking i was having a heart attack You know what you need? You need some of the spray Do we got the spray here, Jamie? Oh, I did I gave it to Sean Well, I'll get some more of it Jamie, I was going to bring you bread today

Because I made this olive walnut bread And then, uh, I forgot Did you ever make spicy bread? No Like crushed red pepper or make spicy bread? No. Like crushed red pepper or anything in it? No. Is that what you like? I've had pretty good cheddar, crushed red pepper.

There's a couple good bread places in Ohio where I'm from. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. All right, I'll explore that. A good pie place that makes a good pot pie. A pot pie? You don't see a lot of pot pies anymore. Yeah. You know that kind there's

a place in burbank that does it flaky outer crust and the cubes of chicken with that sort of yellow broth with the the carrots and the celery in there and like it's like thanksgiving in a cup peas oh it's so good god damn a pot pie i'm on the name, but there's a place in Burbank that does it. Five pot pies to die for. Oh, man. A pot pie is a damn delicious meal. It really is. It makes you so warm inside. Oh, it's like the ultimate comfort food.

It really is. It might be, right? But that and a really good meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy. Oh, my God. It's tough to fuck with that, too. That's nice. That's a slightly different dough. Both of those.

It's a little flaky. More butter in that dough. Dough extra. When you make the dough for a pot pie, you're using a whole stick of butter. That's what I'm talking about. That's why it's so goddamn good. It's so good. It's so good.

Oh, it's so good. I wish they could make cows, like engineer cows, if they get to this CRISPR thing. Just please make some cows that don't have a head. Just make some cow, and the top of its neck is a computer, so we don't have to think about cruelty. There's no consciousness whatsoever. And just make me a nice butter, a nice grass-fed butter with this headless cow. It would be so much nicer. Open up its neck and just pump grass down there.

Just grind the grass up and then push it in with like a fireplace bellows. Push it in a neck hole. You get the butter out the other end. So it has no brain. It would be so nice. No suffering. How about don't even have it shaped like a cow? If you're tripping on that?

Yeah. How about a ball of meat that gives you butter? It's coming. I bet you it's coming. Just a giant bag of tits. That's all you need is like the udder. The computers take care of all the other stuff. Yeah.

Right? Just a warehouse filled with tits on a rack. Yeah. Just like they engineer a frame of bones that's shaped like a basket. And in that basket is like an inner crust. It's like a pot pie. The inner crust of meat, which is the crust of the pot pie. And then the inside is all tit.

That'd be so delightful. And it's just squishing milk out of that fucker all day long. And it's phenomenal. And it just exists on a substrate of ground-up grass. So you have ground-up grass all around the meat outer shell, sort of like the aluminum on a pot pie. You know, you have that aluminum foil around the edge. Yeah, it'd be delightful. If somebody gives you a pot pie without the aluminum foil around the edge, they can go fuck themselves.

Oh, my God. What are they, animals? What are you doing, you monster? Good Lord. Where did you grow up? I can't even dig my fork underneath Scoop out the dry underside with the gravy on top Oh that little treat at the end of this the base the base crust the base is a moist crust It's the moistest crust right the best

And then you have a little bit of the top crust to the crunchy outside the could the ring. Let's get out of here bit of the top crust too the crunchy the outside the ring let's get out of here now you get a room and just order pot pies and one of those rooms with that giant bidet with the three hoses party we're gonna need it after this pot pie all those fucking carbs hit us when are we going to musso and frank's oh yeah we keep talking about it we do keep doing that we should do that before uh set at the store one night yeah let's do that that's the move like gentlemen yeah should we wear suits yes 100 okay can i have the lighter please yeah i have a suit now you do yeah i get a suit for a school function for my kid oh really what do you mean what kind of question one i always have one um that i uh wear for the UFC.

Right. Yeah, but the UFC one stays at the UFC so that I don't have to do anything. I'll take care of it. I just go there. That's smart. Sweet kick. I like a nice suit. You just look good.

Do you wear a pocket square? Always look good. No, when I hosted this TV show, I did. Yeah, you have to. It was always a pocket square. They made you. Yeah, they made me. They forced that useless piece of cloth right there. It was a funny end. You never know when you need a tourniquet. It was always a pocket square. They made you. Yeah, they made me. They forced that useless piece of cloth right there.

It was a funny. You never know when you need a tourniquet. It was a little pocket square. And Madonna came in to do the show. And the whole building was like electric. It was like, Madonna's coming. And it really was like energy. Like you could feel energy in the building because Madonna was walking in.

Did you call her Madonna? So I came in, yeah. And I was like, I got to go meet her before the show or I'm gonna be too freaked out. So I just walked into the dressing room and I'm like, Hi Madonna, I'm Tom. She's like, Nice to see you. And she walks up and she goes, This has got to go.

And she took the pocket square out and tossed it. You know why? I was like, That's it. I'm not wearing it. Because Guy Ritchie, her ex-husband, is a proponent of the pocket square. Guy Ritchie was on my podcast talking about the importance of the suit and having a pocket square. That's hilarious.

Because she immediately, I just met her two seconds, she whipped it out of my, and tossed it. There she was. So look at a young Tom Papa. Yeah, look at that. You slim-faced son of a bitch. Yeah Yeah look at that Slim face son of a bitch Yeah look at that Mr. I'll steal your girl Look at you

With your fucking Do I look a lot different now? Barbershop How different do I look from that shot? You wanna be honest or what? Yes Am I too doughy? You gained a couple pounds

You're making delicious bread I am Did Ricky Gervais laugh hard at everything? Uh huh That's his move That's his move Seems like a jolly fella It's just bread. I am. Did Ricky Gervais laugh hard at everything? Uh-huh. That's his move. That's his move. Seems like a jolly fella. Especially when Jerry said it.

Yeah, well, it's a good move. Yeah. Always make Jerry think, ah, say it louder. Ha, ha. Something about English people, right? Guy Ritchie was describing with his English accent the suit. I was all in. God damn it. Where I stopped though was at the

pocket square. I'm like I'm not wearing a tie either motherfucker. I'm not wearing a tie. That was the other thing. He was talking about ties. I'm like dude. No tie. Kill somebody with a tie. Grab a hold of somebody with a tie. You can kill them. You're broad. You've got broad shoulders. It's like you skinny

guys, skinny English dudes with a tie. It's a different thing. Well, the tie problem with me is that some people have choked me too many times. So you feel like it's like that Hedberg joke? I've been choked hundreds of times, like literally. The average person has been choked. The average person in the street, if they get choked once or twice in their life, they're like, what the fuck happened?

choked, like the average person in the street, if they get choked once or twice in their life, you're like, what the fuck happened? And the journey from white belt to black belt, I was choked for sure hundreds of times. Oh my God. I have no idea how many. Really? Like if you had asked me how many times I have to tap out because someone was choking me, I'd be like, shit, hundreds. Hundreds of times.

For sure. It has to be, especially in the early days. God damn it, I got choked all the time. Really? All the time. That's not pleasant. I'd get choked five, six times by one guy. Oh, God.

Before I moved to the next guy. That's crazy. So I'm not wearing a fucking tie. No. Not doing that top button. No, no, no, no, no, no. I remember how that works. I'm choking myself now.

If someone grabs you, if you had to do jujitsu with a tie, that's all anybody would go for. I'm going to tell you the truth. For real. Of course. If everybody had to do jujitsu with a tie, that's all anybody would go for. I'm going to tell you the truth. For real. Of course. If everybody had to wear a tie. Say if you do jujitsu and instead of wearing a belt, everybody has to wear a tie. Or you could take the belt and wrap it around the dude's neck. Say if you started with your black belt tied around your neck.

Right. Nobody would go for anything other than the belt. All you have to do is get a hand under that belt, grab it, and twist, and you're out cold. All you have to do is secure some part of your body where I can keep you from moving. Like in maybe like a side mount or a crucifix position where I have trap an arm, and I trap the other arm with my neck, and I'm going to choke the shit out of you. This isn't happening in your daughter's school function. No.

But I think it should. You mean you could grab someone's belt and knock them? No, no. If someone had a belt around their neck. Around their neck. Jiu-Jitsu guys. I'm saying if Jiu-Jitsu guys were rolling around, the ultimate goal would be to get the belt around the guy's neck. If you could do that, that would be the number one thing to do.

Right. And if you already had it knotted around your neck, like that was how you started, the way you knot around your waist. Right. People would kill each other. They'd immediately grab that rope around your neck and choke you with it. That would be the ultimate goal. Forget foot locks. Fuck your foot lock. You've done all the work for me.

Yeah, I'm going to grab that rope around your neck and put you to sleep. This is crazy. Because all you'd have to do is twist it. I had to choke my dog out once that way. Really? My dog was attacking a cat. And I got my hand inside his collar and I put him to sleep. Really?

Yeah. I grabbed his collar and I twisted it down and cranked it. I did jujitsu on my dog. Put him right out. It knocked him out? Instantly. Really? Instantly.

Yeah, just like it does a person. Because he wasn't resisting. He didn't know what was going on. Yeah. So I got it in there, grabbed ahold of where the buckle is, and I just crank. Really? Instantly. Yeah, just like it does a person. Holy cow. Because he wasn't resisting. He didn't know what was going on. Yeah. So I got it in there, grabbed ahold of where the buckle is, and I just crank. I stepped over him and cranked on it. He just went limp. Wow. Like that, instantly, and the cat took off.

I want to try that. Dude, it works. That's crazy. You shouldn't do it to dogs. But that's a person, too. The idea is the arteries around your neck that feed your brain. You shut those off like a garden hose. Right. Bink, like you fold a garden hose, and then the water stops flowing. That your neck that feed your brain. You shut those off like a garden hose. Bink, like you fold a garden hose and then the water stops flowing.

That's what happens to your brain. Right. And then you go out. That's why it's not nearly as dangerous as a knockout. Right. Because it's just flow. Yeah. People get confused about that.

Like they think that a concussion and being choked out is the same thing. Still giving me brain damage, bro. It's not. It's not giving you brain damage. It happens to people in class. They go right back to rolling. They don't have no ill effects at all. Really?

Yeah, you just go to sleep. Right back to it. You wake up and you're like, what happened? You don't even realize it. You're like, what happened? You're like, oh shit, did I get choked out? And everybody starts laughing. If that happens in jujitsu class, as long as you're fine, people will start laughing.

Because it happens to everybody. Really? Yeah, for sure. If you don't tap, you go to sleep. Everybody does. This sounds fun. It is fun, honestly. Yeah. Until a girl does it to you. Super humiliating, right?

When's the last time you were choked out? By a girl? By anybody. John John Machado tapped me like a few months back. Oh, yeah? But he always can. Yeah. I don't think it was a choke. I think it was an arm bar. When you roll with someone who's really good, you? But he always can. Yeah. I don't think it was a choke. I think it was an armbar. When you roll with someone who's really good,

you're going to get caught. Yeah. There's just no way around it. Right. When a girl does a deal. Duncan was taking some classes. A chick kept choking him out. It's like Duncan.

Duncan. I'm going to work on this. Some people just don't get into it, you know? But for people who don't get into it, I get it. Just get into something else that's hard to do.

Just get into something that's hard to do just get into something that's hard to do would you get high into jujitsu oh yeah everybody does oh really super even that oh yeah super popular makes you better really a hundred percent why because you're more conscious of what you're doing more focused on what you're doing it it provides a type of focus and you don't it doesn't seem let's see here's the thing the type of focus. And it doesn't seem... See, here's the thing. The type of consciousness that you have when you are rolling with a person in jujitsu, when someone's trying to get you and you're trying to defend yourself,

that type of feeling that you get is very different than any feeling that you get in most of life other than an actual conflict with a person, which is pretty rare. Luckily, we have a nice society, right? Yeah. If you live in a nice neighborhood. Right. But that feeling, for whatever reason, lends itself very well to getting high.

Because when you get high, you get into this sort of like not-me state, like an ego-dropped-off state. You know, that's one of the reasons why people get so vulnerable. They feel vulnerable because they feel, it's like they don't have that ego anymore. It's a very ego diminishing substance.

It's like a, almost like a medicine for diminishing the ego. Obviously, the effects are different on different people. But that, on top of the focus aspect of it, makes it really attractive to people who do jujitsu. Because you can let go of the bullshit. You're not all tense. Right. And then you could focus on what you're actually trying to do. Right. And Because you can let go of the bullshit, you're not all tense, and then you can focus on what you're actually trying to do. And your ego doesn't get in the way. You see things better.

You feel things better. You're more cognizant of how your body works. And some people say that that's a cop-out, and that really you should just get more comfortable with your body, period. And they're probably right. There's probably something to that, too. But is there any element, like when you get high, where you're just like it's all cool it doesn't matter because you

need you need an edge to go fight you know right jiu-jitsu is not fighting um because you're not hitting each other right and i mean so it's more of a i mean a boxing match is obviously a fight right but it's not in the new definition and the new definition, a fight is a mixed martial arts fight. And even then, there's rules that are applied. Right. Right? So, like, there's no eye gouging, there's no ball kicks, there's no hitting to the back of the head. Right.

You can't elbow someone to the back of the head, which is, in a way, healthier for the athletes involved, but in another way More delusional because it removes a very dangerous that like Eddie Bravo is always talking about that that when guys You should take guys backs in the early days what they would do instantly is elbow to the back of the head I didn't matter if you defend the choke or not if someone starts smashing the back of your head you're fucked It's a terrible position to be in. Yeah. That is removed from MMA. So because that's removed from MMA, you almost have to look at an MMA fight, which is absolutely a fight, as in a way kind of a match, a mixed martial arts match because the rules are so rigid.

Right. Much more loose than boxing, but still rigid. Right. So you've got a jiu-jitsu match for sure, not really a fight. Yeah, okay. You can't get leg kicked. You can't get elbowed in the face. You're not going to get kneed into a coma. Right. So you got a jujitsu match for sure. Not really a fight. Yeah. Cause you can't get leg kicked. You can't get elbowed in the face. You're not going to get kneed into a coma. Right. It's a totally different experience than a fight. And it's almost disrespectful

in some ways to call a jujitsu match a fight. Right. But other people like to refer to it as fight. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Right. If you don't know and you're just looking at it from the outside. Boxing match is more like a fight. Right. Right. Because you're hitting each other in this grave danger. Yeah. And you're really trying to kill each other. Right. I mean, you're smashing each other, right?

Not trying to kill, but. Yeah. You are using your explosive force on a person, trying to take them out, and it's a very dangerous encounter with severe consequences for your brain. Right. Yeah. That's a fight. Yeah.

A lot. But it's a fight with very limited rules. Yeah. Right, yeah. That's a fight. Yeah. But it's a fight with very limited rules. Yeah. Because like a Muay Thai fighter, a really good Muay Thai fighter, would kill most really

good boxers if the boxer didn't know what was going on. Right. Because a really good Muay Thai fighter, it's going to be very hard to hit him, to get that close to him, and he's going to start kicking your legs immediately. What's Muay Thai? It's Thai boxing. Okay. Because they have more weapons.

Right. They have legs. They kick the legs a lot. Yeah. And they'll push you away with their front kick. There's so much stuff that you're not going to be able to do. A boxer would be way better with his hands, but a Muay Thai fighter is usually pretty good with their hands already,

especially good enough to land a shitload of kicks on you and keep you from getting in range. And if you did get in range, they clench you and they knee you in the body and they elbow you in the head. It's a way more complete striking system than regular boxing. Right. Do you feel like there's too many rules like do you feel like it should be just opened up in mma like yes and make it real yes and no because i like i like specialists like i love that conor mcgregor floyd mayweather fight because it was a real specialist you got to see

like a really elite high level striker from from MMA become almost helpless against a world champion, probably the best ever boxer. Right. You get to see. Yeah. This is what happens when a specialist fights someone who's really good at something. Yeah. Like me, if I wanted to roll against someone who's like a real high-level jiu-jitsu black belt, I would get killed. Someone who's like a real high level jujitsu black belt. I would get I would get killed right

But if you got a really good jujitsu black belt from the UFC They would kill me but a really good jujitsu black from the UFC might get killed by a really good jujitsu world champion Uh-huh. It's like there's all these levels and levels and the only way you achieve those levels is a true specialist Mm-hmm. I got true specialist is it it's at such a different level like if you watch you know what san chai is you've heard of san chai from thailand he's probably one of the greatest ever combat sports athletes ever and he fights every couple weeks i follow him on instagram he's 36 years old he's he fights people way smaller than him all the time and although he knocks a lot of people out right most of his fights are won by him just doing shit to the opponent that they just can't deal with he just kicks the shit out of them he hits them when they're not looking right they

don't know what he's doing he's so clever and fast right i mean he's just a wizard a technical wizard inside the ring and when you watch him you realize, well, there's levels even to this thing. Right. This guy is such a specialist. Yeah. That anybody outside of that, like if Floyd Mayweather wanted to fight Sanchai, and you let Sanchai kick him, it would be one of the most lopsided fights you've ever seen. It would be horrific to watch, watching a world-class boxer just getting exposed,

just legs kicked out from under him, kicked in the face Legs kicked out from under him, kicked in the face, legs kicked out from under him, knee in the face, elbowed in the head. Well, don't you think McGregor, if he was allowed to do his thing? Oh, for sure. Right? For sure. But meanwhile, Sanchai could probably do that to McGregor. Right. There's levels and levels. When McGregor

encountered with Floyd Mayweather, he would encounter in Thai boxing with a fantastic, one of the greatest ever in a guy like San Chai. So it sounds like the rules actually make it more interesting. They do make it more interesting. Because you have to become, right? So the only way you find out who the really best jujitsu guys is, you have to have them only compete in jujitsu.

Right. Because with striking, there's all this other stuff involved. You hurt people with punches and knees. But when you want to look at a complete system yeah complete system mixed martial arts is as close as it comes without the elbows to the head and the kicks when the down to the head on a down fighter and the stomps and the knees to the head on a down fighter right and then the really dirty shit like eyeball pokes and right the balls just gonna yeah so it's always going to be a match right you can't bite someone's nose off it's always going to be a match right right i You can't bite someone's nose off. It's always going to be a match. Right. Right. You know what I mean?

It's not like a fight. Yeah, there's got to be some limit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you still call it a fight. Right. So how many hills do I have to run to get back into my old shape?

Well, I think it's this whole fucking goddamn delicious bread you're making. That's an issue. It's a lot of fun. It's so good. It's so good. That's the problem. It's so good. It's so good. That's the problem. You know what happened? I visited this woman in Ojai who's really good bakers.

Kate's Breads. Oh, you're visiting bakers. Yeah, she's amazing. And I saw what flour she had. I'm like, oh, I got to get that flour. I got to get this flour. So I looked up online where she gets the flour. It comes from Utah. Whoa. And the smallest you can get is a 50 pound bag so i have two 50 pound

bags of wheat and artisan all-purpose flour in my kitchen and i'm like i was thinking like if you were to eat 50 pounds of flour you would be uh a big fat so dude but the flour makes such a difference huge difference you know what i discovered recently is a double zero wheat pasta from italy double zero yeah yeah you do know yeah most folks don't yeah now double zero is what you use for pizza dough yeah the good stuff right stuff and uh i also found out about heirloom wheat heirloom wheat yeah that most of what we're getting here in the united states of good old america yep is uh wheat that has been people love that term gmo right it scares the shit out of people i don't i don't eat gmos right super organic yeah good all good thoughts but the

reality is most of the wheat we have according to to Maynard Keenan from Tool, the singer. Yeah, the singer. He also owns this great vineyard. Right, right, yeah. In a restaurant. Oh, yeah. So he's explaining to me, he explained it on the podcast. Right.

About the differences between the wheat we have today and the original wheat. Yeah. about the differences between the wheat we have today and the original wheat. The wheat we have today has much more complex glutens in it, and it's a larger yield for the same area. So when they would grow the old wheat, they didn't make as much of it, but it was easier for a person to digest. Right. So that's what it is. Interesting.

Yeah. Yeah, there's so many of these little farmers, and some are pretty big for being little, but compared to what these giant things are, that really concentrate on growing the wheat the way that it used to be grown. Yeah. And then mill it the way it was. You have to have the heirloom seeds, though, right? Yeah. And it makes such a difference.

Like, just, I was like, how big of a difference can it be just in making the bread that I'm making? Huge. I would imagine, right? It a difference can it be just in making the bread that I'm making? Huge. I would imagine, right? It tastes like... It's alive. Natural. Yeah, it's earthy. It's deep.

It's really good. Earthy. Earthy's good. Now it made a big difference. But now I've got to figure out how I'm going to store 50 pounds of, 100 pounds of flour. You probably have to do it in a controlled environment, no? Does it go bad? You've got to just do it in a controlled environment, no? Does it go bad? You gotta just put it

in barrels. Does it have to be dry and airtight or something like that? Yeah. But it's good for a long time when you do it that way? Yeah. I'm still learning and cranking out a lot and giving it away and stuff. So I'm going through a lot and won't sit forever. The way it's been described

to me, the difference is between the difference of a tomato that you get in a grocery store today, even a good one yeah in comparison to an heirloom tomato makes perfect sense that those tomatoes that we have today like neil degrasse tyson did a speech about this where someone was asking him not a speech but an answer to a question i think it might have been in one of those talks that he does those town hall talks and uh someone was asking him about GMOs. And he said, virtually everything that we eat has been modified. Everything from the oranges to the corn.

Like you wouldn't want to go back to the original corn. It wouldn't taste good. There wouldn't be a lot of yield to it. But then the real problem is the corn that we have today, not that easy for us to digest. And not that good to eat a lot of it. It's all like, how much of it do you use? Yeah. But when you do eat a tomato, like an heirloom tomato, you get a farmer's market that this

guy grew in this tiny little farm and just happens to have them that week. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. But I don't think that's the same with corn. No. I think that golden sweet corn that we have today that tastes like candy, that's the best shit that's ever existed. That's pretty good.

You know, you put butter on that, wrap it in aluminum foil, put it on the grill. Shut the fuck up, you bullshit ass original pine cone looking corn. Your hard ass corn. That stupid corn they would hang on. People would hang that stupid corn on their door on thanksgiving remember that yeah the indian corn is up with that unedible bullshit ass multi-racial corn scaring children away at halloween yeah it's like a it's weird colored and yeah what are you i don't know man i'm all kinds of shit yeah just just try and eat me if

you can. That was the original corn. But it wasn't even that. That's like it exaggerated. Yeah, no, that's, yeah. Yeah, that's the corn people put. Wait, what is that? Why do you got corn all over your house?

That's spooky corn. That's children of the corn, corn. Yeah, that's some spooky corn right there. Have you ever seen the original corn? See if you can find original corn plant images. Maze. And I still want to know how much tobacco rollers get paid. I couldn't find much. The only thing I found was an article about a guy that just started a business,

and it said somewhere in there that as cheap as they could be made was like $0.30 a piece, and it was as expensive as $5 a piece for the cigar itself. That included a highly skilled wrapper to do it. Oh. That might be being paid per. Per cigar they roll? 50 cents per if they're doing a bunch in a row. It didn't say exactly.

Whoever rolled this did a great job. They did a fantastic job. It's easy draw. Easy draw. It's lasting a nice long time. There's a great podcast if you're into cigars. Where Ari Shaffir sat down with Robert Kelly. They smoked cigars. And Bobby Kelly's a...

Is that what it really looked like? Bobby Kelly is a crazy fucking cigar smoker. He's gone crazy with the cigars. Look at the original corn looked like. Like bullshit. What? Yeah. That's the original corn.

See the size of a quarter? Yeah. And then look at the quarter with that. Wow. That's crazy. The original corn versus the new corn wow that's barely recognizable wild and that shit was all done through like splicing right right that was natural corn look who corn used to look like that's weird it looks like it

looks like the root that came out of your toilet too small yeah big modern corn looks like the root. That's crazy, right? I mean, corn used to be this tiny little low-yield product. Whoa, that's jelly bean corn. That's amazing. Glass jam corn. Glass jam corn. I bet that tastes like shit.

Yeah, it's terrible. That can't be good. No. Otherwise people would eat it, right? Yeah. You ever get cotton candy grapes? What is that, Jamie? Black waxy corn.

What? Black waxy corn. Wow, that looks amazing. It looks pretty good. That looks like licorice. Like, you would bite into it. That looks cool. I would eat that.

I would eat that, too. I would think that, like, if you went over a clever person's house, they would serve you that black corn. You'd be like, ooh, this made this experience even better. Where do those purple potatoes come from? Peru, right? That's probably the same area as this, I think. Is it? Peruvian purple potatoes and that.

Ooh, look at that one. That's crazy. That looks like the alien from the Geiger. It's dick. Go back to that. Tell me this doesn't look like an alien dick. The tongue comes out and it fucks you at the same time. It jabs you in the head with that, and then it shoots the baby into your body.

Do that thing. Then you're just sitting there eating dinner like nothing's wrong. Spore grows out of your dead body. I can't believe that the corn didn't... I think between the original corn being that that weird knobby thing and the corn that we have year round i think there's probably an era in there where the corn tasted better right like the life of the taiga yeah that's the the evolution of human beings to technological superiority where we're at today you got to meet it halfway that's a sweet spot

yeah the sweet spot there's no stopping it there's no stopping it we're moving forward there's no stopping it but maybe this spot is not the sweet spot just like living in a cave wasn't the fucking sweet spot right it was just a sweet spot for the time yeah right no you don't want to go live on the taiga no tom pop i can't you can't no i'd be exhausted how are you gonna bake your bread i'm gonna make my bread exactly your flour you're gonna have to grow it oh my god you gotta mill your own bread do you imagine if you had to grow your own fucking wheat to make your bread yeah we would never make bread would you though maybe i probably would maybe i'll plant the seed

right now maybe you're gonna leave here you're gonna be driving home in your electric car and you're gonna be thinking hey why the fuck all this be driving home in your electric car, and you're going to be thinking, hey, why the fuck all this comedy bullshit? What I'm going to do is get a big piece of land and start growing my own wheat, and then chopping it down, making my own bread, and have Tom Papa's Bread Restaurant. I have given this a lot of thought. I have. Have you really?

There's something so, not about throwing it all away, but there's something about going bigger and deeper into it. It kind of just draws you in. I'm not even making decisions. There's just like, now I'm getting bigger things of flour. Yeah, there's something very all-consuming about it. Yeah. It's good you know whenever you get something that gets that it's rewarding and i like that it's small i like that it's there's no bullshit around it there's no phone calls to be made it's just all on my own term but it's in my control does that appeal to you as an overall life or does it appeal to you as a vacation from the current life that you enjoy, which is very hectic and kind of stressful, writing material, performing, traveling?

You know what? I feel like, I don't know. It's an interesting question. I do feel like the process of making it and doing it is, it matches up with writing really well when i'm when i'm at home and i'm writing a lot and in between taking breaks and going and tending to the bread and then coming back to the writing that back and forth is very satisfying nice it is the best that's nice yeah yeah i often thought writing in some ways releases you from the stress that a lot of people find of performing. They're just writing.

Yeah, I heard Norm MacDonald say that on his show that he just wants to write books. He just wants to write books. I've heard that before where people just want to go internal and stop being a performer. I know, but I feel like I couldn't do that 100%. I really love it. My book's going to come out next year. Oh, it's a plug. I see what you did.

Son of a bitch. You can't even buy it yet. But it is coming out soon. You're planting seeds. Planting seeds. Planting seeds for people to buy the book. I see what you're doing. Yeah.

It's not yet. It's not like I'm plugging my gig at Comics at Mohegan Sun or anything. Whoa, you're there? When is that? It's coming up next week. Oh, interesting. plugging my gig at comics at mohegan sun or anything whoa you're there when is that it's coming up next week oh interesting no i i feel like i when i was writing the book i got very deep into it i love coming with my coffee in the morning and going to work for hours just in there tinkering with it playing with it it was very satisfying makes sense but after after several

days of not being on stage it's not getting itchy you get itchy it's not Who I am do you think that it's that you've experienced these jolts of fun that you get from stand-up and that you become addicted to these jolts of fun and then seeing the happiness in people's faces when they're laughing yeah that relating to people that isolation of writing is okay but until i can take that idea out yeah share it with other human beings yeah that's what uh i'm built for yeah well you've designed yourself that way sort of like look at the human race we've we've you know grown to this place

where if you made people like were you here during the heat wave yeah yeah weird right yeah it was intense it got intense it was a little spooky it was yeah because like really people were on edge yeah well quietly on edge waiting for the ac to go If the AC goes, then how are we going to deal with this? Yeah. Because this is not... I mean, you'd have to just get in the shower all day. Yeah. No, it's intense.

When it's like 110, you can stay in the shade and you'll stay reasonably cool, but it's way hotter than you want it to be. Yes. You're not sleeping right. No. No. You're sweating like a pig. Yeah.

Like, the people in Florida right now, there's a lot of people that don't have power. Yeah. And it's humid. It's hot as fuck. Yeah. Fans blowing. No, it's not good. You know that feeling where you're like, oh, I've always thought, no disrespect to people

from Florida, but that's one of the reasons why people think of people that live in the South as being dull. Because they can't. Because I think for the longest time before they invented air conditioning they those fucking people didn't have time to think deep right and or move or move quickly you're not going to think your best thoughts when you're fucking sweating like a pig and you're exhausted all the time yeah why getting the power back on in florida could take weeks oh jesus christ fuck that that's rough it is rough weeks why'd you

bring up that why'd you bring up the weather I was here during the heat wave because it was so evident to me during that time that we really can't even exist in this environment without the way we do and enjoy the way we live without the modern conveniences of the electrical grid and air conditioning units and the delivery of food and all this shit that we just get like super accustomed to so like yeah we think now of life without that stuff as being like impossible but at one point in time we were adapted one point in time life without that like those fucking people that live in the taiga the worst it gets for them is it gets crazy cold they

bundle up and they go inside and they burn wood right they have like a whole system built in yeah to survive that environment for us that would be unthinkable yeah like your house doesn't have central ac right you don't have heat you don't have a thermostat? Wait a minute. Wait. Hold on. So you walk in your house. That thing doesn't glow on the wall and show you the temperature? You walk by it? Right, exactly. It's not programmed where it just kind of knows I'm home? Yeah, a friend of mine's house,

you walk towards his thermostat and it lights up. It senses you. It senses you're there. Right. You're like, hey. Yeah. It shows you the temperature. Like, it's off and you'll step away and it'll dim up and then you stand right in front of it and it lights up. You're like, hey. Yeah. It shows you the temperature. Like, it's off, and like, you'll step away and it'll dim up, and then you stand right in front of it and it lights up, and you're like, this is freaky. Yeah, it's pretty nice. These people don't have that, man.

They have windows they shut. Yeah. They fire. Fire keeps the heat in. Yeah, and I couldn't. That'd bundle up. Yeah, I couldn't. Put animal skins on. Yeah. Yeah. That's what people do. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah. I'm not, no. So we've adapted for sure people do. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah. I'm not. No. So we've adapted for sure to this.

You and I have adapted to this. The question is, who's happier? What's it better? Is it better? I'm pretty happy. When I walk in after that heat wave and I would walk into my house, you take your shoes off and you put that bare feet on that cold tile. I'm pretty happy.

Happier than the tiger guy yeah watch tv all these hurricanes brewing in the gulf yeah but i found that uh that writing is very uh and i as i was writing i was reading a lot of writers and stuff and it's very isolating like the more you write the more you are shutting out the world the more you are, it's a hermit's life. It is. It really is. In a way. It's not a, you are very much within your own head and eating up a lot of time just being by yourself.

Yeah. It's, it can be rewarding for sure, but it's, if you were to write all the time like that, it's pretty isolating. if you were to write all the time like that, it's pretty isolating. Well, it's also in a lot of ways, almost like a mental marathon because you're, you're on this one thing for a long time. Yeah.

Yeah. You're sitting there staring at this thing and you're writing and you're thinking about it and you're focusing on it and then you're going back at it and you're thinking about it and you focus on it. Yeah. It becomes like a part of your daily thoughts, even when you're not doing it sometimes. What was really, um, remarkable was, you know know when you're writing your stand-up you know it's like

in blocks it's like you know chunks and i was thinking how am i going to keep track of like a whole book but your subconscious really does like i know exactly where things are i i would glide through it and know i think i have to change this part and see on my notes yes indeed that is where i was going to change it it is your your brain starts to take in all that information and treat it like chunks you know what i mean it's no different really than writing your stand-up do you um do you take notes like chapter chapter notes like you have like a notebook that you have sitting on the side, and you say, chapter one, here's all the things that I like or don't like?

Not that specifically, but if there's something that I can't wrestle to the ground, and I'm like, I've got to fix that ending, I'll just write on the side pad, page 35, ending. And then keep going. And you writing, what's the subject of the book? It's funny essays about family life. Okay, so it's all just different. Different chapters about everybody in your family, your parents, your kids, your uncles, cousins, everything that makes up family.

So it's all these little, you know, it's like 300 pages and each one is probably four pages, five pages. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. How long have you been working on it? Um, a little over a year. Ooh.

Yeah. Damn. And it's like this week it goes back and I don't get it back. Ooh, this is it? Yeah, this is it. How does that feel? Great. Yeah?

Yeah. You done? Yeah, I'm done. Got it. Not like sick of it. How does that feel? Great. Yeah? Yeah. You done? Yeah, I'm done. Got it. Not like sick of it. No, but yeah. But pretty proud of parts of it. But every time you look at it, you're like,

ugh, how did I let that go? This is terrible. This is so corny. How did I let that joke in? You know. But. Do you find that sometimes you have an idea that you're not getting out totally, but you leave it as is as a placeholder and you review it later?

Yeah. Like maybe you feel like there's something in this idea but whatever i have right now is shit yeah but maybe there's something if i just like leave it there like that maybe i'll come at it from a different angle but at least then i know to think about this one subject that i thought had some promise yes a hundred percent yeah a hundred percent and i really feel like it kind of taught me how much your subconscious goes to work on it without you being conscious. Yeah. Like you don't realize that your brain is actually going, it's going to work on this.

When you shut out, shut the computer and walk away and you think that's it, your brain is still going at it without you even being aware that it's happening. You ever read Stephen King on writing? Yeah. It's a great book. It's a great book one of the things one of the things i thought was the most shocking was that he doesn't really like have a like a whole outline of the stories yeah he starts writing them it's crazy

just has an idea and just go yeah which is brilliant it's fucking amazing you got to trust yourself you just got to you've got to i mean he's a brilliant mind but you know when i was a kid his books were thought of as like fluff but if you read stephen king you weren't really reading he's yeah well that happens when you're really popular it was a little bit of that right um but it was also that oh you're just reading monster stories it's so stupid you know like you should be reading about depressed heroin users then you'd be like right exactly deep yeah middle-aged crisis in europe you know hey man this is alphabet city in the 1960s these people were doing smack yeah they were listening to lou reed and punching each other that guy i mean how you you ever go to a bookstore and look at the stephen king section

in a bookstore it's a whole say it's a whole part of the store this guy just cranks it out yeah amazing there's definitely errors though there's like you know what i feel like i feel like there's drugs and no drug stephen king uh-huh drug stephen king is the shining carry kujo dead zone dead zone all the crazy shit yeah all the weird, twisted, no inhibition whatsoever. Yeah. Shit. And then he's like more content now and probably a healthier person. Uh-huh.

And then the stories aren't quite as fucked up as it. Yeah. It was fucked up. But there's that one Mr. Mercedes, that newer, one of the newer ones. Oh, he's still got it in him for sure. Dark. Oh, for sure. Dark. Oh, for sure. Dark.

Well, it's not just dark. Like if you go back and read Carrie, it's not just dark. It's like the psychological profile of this poor, tormented young girl with telekinetic powers is fucking fantastic. He just nailed it. Oh my God. To the point where you want her to make those kids' heads explode. You want her to cause accidents kids heads explode you want her to

cause accidents go get them girl fuck these assholes like finally the tormented and picked on girl has an option yeah i mean he made it perfect he made really created like the ultimate outsider some poor kid that was unfortunate to be born into a situation where her mother was a completely psychotic cunt yeah and people were trying to fucking throw pig's blood on her and run her over the car so mean yeah but she and she they faked that this fucking handsome guy was going to go to the prom with her she dumped blood on her they all thought it was funny they were laughing at her uh and she got back at them all because we realized that at the worst case scenario for a human is someone that could do that to some poor misfortunate girl like Carrie.

Yeah. Yeah. So we show like without killing her. Right. These are the worst people that you could imagine. Yeah. And she had this fucking ace in the hole. This power.

That they never saw coming. Yeah. Fucking great. So great. He's amazing. Fuck he's good. Amazing. But I remember people telling me like that's all fluff. I's so great. He's amazing. Fuck, he's good. Amazing. But I remember people telling me, like, that's all fluff.

I'd be like, Pet Sematary? Motherfucker, you ever read that book? Shining is not fluff. It's not fluff. It's not fluff. No. The book is fucking fantastic. Oh, my God.

In the book, that guy goes crazy slow. Yeah. It takes a while. That's what he didn't like about the original jack nicholson version the kubrick version which was fantastic yeah but it was a different story i can see the argument that that story was more adaptable to a film that takes place over you know two plus hours or whatever whereas his book it would have to be like a 30 hour movie yeah you know i mean it's it's a long process of jack maybe 30 hours yeah yeah When he really starts going nuts and the family realizes he's actually losing his fucking

mind and being taken over by something that lives in this house. Yeah, by this demon. It's good. He felt like Jack Nicholson. I think, if I remember correctly, his criticism of Jack Nicholson seemed crazy immediately. Oh, really? He was already crazy. Uh-huh.

He hurt the kid once when he was drinking. Right. He was fucked up. I don't know if that was in the book. I don't remember. Yeah. But Jack Nicholson's character was too crazy right away. Right.

There wasn't enough of a transition. He was ready to give in. It's just Jack. It's just Jack. then it's just jack it's just jack the uh the one thing i took away from that from his book on writing was uh just get to the end don't share it don't talk about it just keep going get to the end don't judge it yourself just get to the end and then start going to work on it and uh that really was helpful getting to the end of this because And then it actually became really fun going back and fixing it up. And even just the clarity.

Just make it simple. Just make it, get this message across. Why am I taking three paragraphs, repeating myself? Pair it down. Peel it off. Make it clear for the reader. You don't want to go in circles. Make this this very like a lot of times i'll read articles like in the paper or something it's like i'm not understanding it it's not that i'm not understanding it's that this is isn't written well this isn't

clear right that's your job like just going back and trying to clear i mean like sometimes when you have a bit and you're like, you're working on new stuff for your standup and you have something, it's like this big chunk. And then when you're done working on it, it's down to like five lines

because you learned how to say it so effectively, so direct. Yeah, and you realize the parts are just, you were enjoying them, but they were tripping you up

the whole bit. Right. They were getting in the way. They were like, you're asking the audience to think about this. Why? It's just getting in the way. They were like, you're asking the audience to think about this. Why? It's just getting in the way.

It's just confusing the clarity of the original thought. You know, Ari has this piece of paper that he has glued to the top of his keyboard that's a Hemingway quote. It says, the first draft of everything is shit. Oh, nice. Yeah. It's great. It takes the pressure off.

Well, it's also real. Yeah. It's like, really, really just get it out there and don't think that it's done. And Hemingway writing. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. It takes the pressure off. Well, it's also real. Yeah. It's like really, really just get it out there and don't think that it's done. And Hemingway writing. Yeah. Yeah. His first draft was shit. So my little stuff is going to end up shit.

But like Stephen King, Hemingway was fucked up all the time. Like Stephen King's early days. Yeah. Was Stephen King really fucked up? Oh, yeah. Oh, he was? Don't you remember the book? No.

Oh, my God. I don't remember that part yeah dude i mean he was just drinking cases of budweiser and fucking doing coke and he said he didn't even remember writing carrie what yeah i didn't even remember it all came in a haze or is it kujo holy cow carrie or kujo i think kujo i think he didn't remember writing kujo i think he was in a, I don't know. I might be wrong. It might be Carrie. But just he was that messed up.

One of those books. What is it? Cujo. Cujo? Thank you. Wow. So to be so blasted that he didn't even remember writing one of the great horror books ever. Oh my God.

And a horror book about a rabid dog, a giant rabid dog that used to be everybody's friend. So scary. book about a rabid dog a giant rabid dog that used to be everybody's friends so scary i read that as a kid like in a summer and just you were in that car with that kid with the mom just like oh my god his just slobber on the on the window next to you dude so he was that messed up yeah self-admittedly yeah i mean he was doing everything when did he get clean years back I think his wife put the hammer down yeah they gave

they and then his family and friends staged an intervention yeah right around that time oh yeah what year

got that bad what's that doesn't say let's see late 80s I guess yeah see so I'm not I don't want to say

that he couldn't have written amazing stuff without drugs no but the original stuff that he did he have written amazing stuff without drugs no but the the original stuff that he did he was but well i mean was it that he was just fucked up and he was writing amazing stuff or was it that he was writing amazing stuff because he was fucked up but clearly it has an

effect on your mind and your mind is where all your creativity allegedly is coming from right yeah i mean you're writing and you're concentrating. The way you're thinking about things directly affects the work. So if you're thinking about things on Coke and drinking and you get this psychotic overview of life on Earth and the interactions that people have with each other and this is how you're writing, influenced by these drugs has a giant effect on creativity.

Sure, but without talent to harness it and you know oh yeah you could get you if you don't have that talent that he has unquestionably you can get just fucked up and then just you don't do anything with it it's sitting in your room you know but he it's uh there's like real talent there yeah that then the drugs influence that it's manipulating that giant talent i mean i think you could also say the same about a lot of great comics like kinnison and prior yeah obviously they they had a great relationship bad relationship with some drugs yeah but they were also fucking super talented on top of that for sure yeah it's a it's a fascinating thought right it's like what

what are your thoughts and where where are these coming from are they coming from the environment that you live in the things you've been exposed to the pros and the cons the goods and the bads you ever hear i mean sure you have but i'll ask it anyway but you ever hear um uh singers songwriters talk about where the songs come from yeah they don't wait bob dylan yeah but they a lot of times they talk about catching them out of the air. Yeah. That they didn't come from me. They all have this overwhelming feeling like it came from somewhere else. Yeah.

What do you make of that? For sure. Steven Pinker calls it the muse. He uses the expression the muse or the idea of the muse. And even if it's not like a real muse, like some sort of a guardian thing, but treat it like it is. Right. And that with respect, like show up to work and that muse will show up more often. Right.

Like tune it in and have it come to you. But I think it goes back to what we're saying about ego and like getting out of your own way. Like sometimes when you're writing, you're so immersed in these thoughts and these ideas that you are out of your own way yeah that tunnel yeah i think then the booze and the coke and the weed or whatever the fuck you're doing helps you stay in that crazy zone of just letting these ideas sort of create themselves in your mind and letting this story play itself out in your brain but how much of it is from within your brain and how much is it in the ether? It's a good question.

What does that mean? And what is that? Yeah. What does that mean? What does that mean floating around in the ether? Yeah. And you just being a thing where it can kind of show up. Yeah.

You know, is it just harnessing us? I mean, because whenever you talk about meditating or even the yoga or the jujitsu, all that stuff we're talking about it is a relationship to the universe right right it is a relationship to these forces that are outside of ourself yeah it's interesting it is and it's probably i mean every human being is a combination of so many different experiences and genes and environment and the culture they live in. I mean, there's so many different factors that would affect your creativity, too. There's so many different factors that would affect the way unique ideas enter into your head.

Yeah. And why. And how much respect do you pay to those ideas? How much time do you spend alone with those ideas? can you focus on a lot of different things like if you were writing like can you focus on your act and another project no it's hard right no i'm not good at that i've tried that i don't i don't do so well at that i write different things but if i have like a main project like the main if i'm trying to do a special or something like that, the main project has always got to be the stand-up. And that all these other things that I write are just fishing for more stand-up.

A lot of times I don't try to sit down and write a specific joke. I get a joke and then I write on the joke. But I get a joke from writing blogs more, like almost like essays. So I'll start thinking about a subject. And this way I'm not restricted to a punchline format. I just, I'm just trying to like explore all the different things that I think about this. And I might find one or two gems in there.

Right. And then I extract those and I go, okay, how do I get that gem? Right. Turn it into, how does, I know there's a thought there that makes sense. Yeah. How do I do that without all that other bullshit? Right. How do I get to it quick?

I really think that great standup is like poetry because it's all pairing you down to this one simple way to deliver all of that thing in that blog. Yeah. Right? That's why tweets are so good. Like, you know, Ian Edwards was telling me about that,

about like writing tweets and writing like little Facebook posts, like having real limited. He would just sit there and try to write like really funny shit on Twitter and that it forces you to boil it down to 140 characters. Yeah. Yeah. It's a skill. Yeah, it is. It's a definite like you learn how to have like a quickly impacting thought.

Yeah. As opposed to like some long or like you ever read, I mean, I'm guilty of it too. I've written some stuff like that, but that long, drawn out, stupid shit that could have been like parsed down. And it's almost like, come on, man, don't put this out there yet. This is a first draft. Yeah, right. Oh, my God. Yeah.

The world is filled with those specials right now. Yeah. the first draft yeah right oh my god yeah the world is filled with those specials right now yeah those specials those articles and you know so much so much of that just kind of hanging out yeah you know it's uh it's an interesting thing but i really do i did like the the process of of having to write it you know what i mean like knowing that someone's someone out there is waiting for it. Like I've got to hand this thing in. It was kind of a, it was pretty cool. That's why people like doing specials too.

Cause you know that like, Hey, I have to film this thing at six months. So I have, you know, X amount of work to do. I got to get it done. Right.

Like as opposed to if you don't have a hanging out. Yeah. Just doing sets. Right. Like how much you're writing. I'm writing a little. Yeah. I'm doing it.

You realize that same new joke is six months old. Yeah, or a year old, or two years old, or five years old. I mean, how many guys do you know like that? Yeah. But there's so much comfort in the port, you know? You're already in port. You don't want to go back out to that ocean of ideas. Right, exactly.

It's nice and safe here. I built a house over here. Yeah. I've been working on this house for years. Come on. I got to go out again? Jeez. Fuck that. I got this act. I got it nice and honed. It's nice and safe here. I built a house over here. Yeah. I've been working on this house for years. Come on. I got to go out again? Jeez. Fuck that.

I got this act. I got it nice and honed. It's good. What do you mean this hurricane's coming? It's going to knock down my beachside house and I got to rebuild? I can't possibly. I can't do that. Look, I can't grow.

I'm 70 years old. There's no learning. Yeah. It's over. I'm done. You are what you are. I'm done, man. You are what you are. So, uh, can we talk about what you did yesterday? Sure. Uh, cause you sent me a pretty cool picture.

Oh, the elk. Oh my God. Yeah. Holy cow. I do that once a year. That was massive. Yeah. It's huge. Big animal. How big? Wild elk. Thousand pounds probably. Jeez. Big animal. Oh big? Wild elk. 1,000 pounds, probably. Jeez. Big animal. Oh, my God. Yeah. And how long did it just come? Were you set up in one spot and it kind of crossed your path? It was a couple of days of trying to get close to one.

A couple days? Yeah. That's really quick. Wow. Usually it's a lot more days, but you're obviously, sometimes you'll have encounters with an elk like your very first morning. Right. There's a lot more days but you know you're obviously sometimes you'll have encounters with an elk like your very first morning right there's a picture of it the rack on that is amazing it's a big animal that is huge rack yeah that's the most one of the most i think majestic of all wild animals that is

amazing i mean that is a mountain of an animal these animals get killed so often by mountain lions, like mountain lions in particular. Yeah. How old is he, you think? Bears. I don't know. I mean, that's a big rack. How long did it take to grow that rack? You know what's really crazy?

They drop them off every year and they regrow them quick. Every year? Yep. So that grows that quickly? Within a couple months oh my god really it's insane it's like one of the that looks like quickest growing things in nature i would think that was around for 20 years no no no they drop those off every year oh my god and that's where you can uh tell uh very specific like there's very specific characteristics of

certain antlers and you can tell like by the sheds if it's the same antler if you catch them like a year later man oh man one one arrow one arrow really what do you aim for the lungs like the vitals the lungs the heart right kills them like the lungs get deflated and they die quick he fell within five seconds really from an arrow yeah and then it takes a few seconds for them to expire but never knew we were there he had no idea we were there so how long were you in that spot were you well we we were trying to get to him for a couple hours uh-huh because he was screaming they scream when they're trying to get laid they're trying to pick up chicks oh really

fight each other to the death we find dead ones there really yeah you find them all the time they fight one of them they found though had a mountain lion's uh claw stuck in its head which is really crazy yeah really yeah they found this um one that had been uh chewed up and uh when they um you know like when i think one of them dies they want to find out like what killed them and i think you you bring the skull to fish and game, and they do an examination on whatever they can. To see what's going on out in the wild. To see if it was poached.

Sometimes people will shoot an animal, and then they're not supposed to be there. People are assholes, man. Ted Nugent has a place in... Some people are, obviously. Ted Nugent has a place in um some people are obviously yeah ted nugent has a place in michigan and it's this big giant fenced in deer park that he has like hundreds of acres and uh one day while he was not there someone killed like all of his bucks so they climbed the fence

just shot them all and just shot him and left them yeah just shot him oh my god yeah people have done that's terrible things like that. So I think there's one, they have to think about that. They find a dead one. And also they have to think about what's killing it. Is it a bear that's killing it? Right. Not that usual. They're pretty big for a grown bear to attack that.

A bear and an elk would be crazy. There's no bear in America. There's no grizzlies in California, rather. But they do get jacked by grizzlies in Wyoming. Really? Especially their babies, almost all their babies. Would a grizzly fight it for food or just to protect itself? No, for food.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, you don't have to protect yourself from an elk. Right. You have to protect yourself from a moose. A moose will try to fuck you up. Yeah. It's a different animal. Right.

Because they evolve around grizzly bears all the time. They're up in Alaska. Right. And there a certain parts of america they are too but i ran into one in denver in colorado yeah you can find them in colorado they're in wyoming i think i told you that story i came around the trail we were back country for a couple weeks and we just came around this trail it was a baby mo moose on the middle of the trail. We're like, oh, it's so cute. It was like, boom. You just heard, oh, its mom's got to be around here. Yeah, we got out of there really quick. A friend of mine has a ranch in British Columbia, and he was on his horse, and he got too close to the baby,

so the mother moose started chasing him at full clip. Oh, man. He said it was fucking terrifying yeah because the moose is so much bigger than his horse gigantic oh he was on a horse on a horse oh and he's just hoping that the horse can get away from this fucking moose this moose is sprinting at them god and if the moose will knock you off the horse and stomp you to death jeez there oh my god yeah that is scary yeah you catch a mama and she around her babies, and she decides you're a problem. And what about the elk?

Does that have a, like, would that run you down, like, if it saw you and felt threatened? No, they're not as aggressive. Yeah. They're not the same. I mean, if you got close to them, especially during, like, right now, which is called the rut, which is when once a year they get laid. So once a year, they laid so once a year they grow these giant antlers and they get ready to fight those antlers are not to fight off predators

they're to fight each other oh yeah they go to war another dude yep they go to war for wow they smash each other for for chicks really craziest animal of all time That's wild They scream man Like a Lord of the Rings sound It's like Oh my god Yeah and then the females go They like let out this This sound Like come give me some dick

And they're like I got some dick And is he yelling So she'll come to him Yeah He's yelling so she'll come to him She's mewing so Here'll come to him? Yeah, he's yelling so she'll come to him. She's mewing, so... Here, you listen to this.

Hear it. This is from YouTube. Terrifying elk scream. This is what they sound like. That looks just like the one... It gets louder than that, though. Is that all it's got? Or does it just keep going he's adorable

yeah that's not too loud that's it that's weak look at that big ass rack whoever put that video up that is a lie yeah it's not terrifying that's not terrifying you're scared of that bitch you better stay home if you're in your tent at night and you heard that you'd be a little scared see if you can find a better one because there's some awesome one. Amazing elk bugle. So you were in one spot for a couple hours after you heard him. For this one, we spotted him in the distance. We spotted him on a hill

with binoculars and then you've got to play the wind. You've got to get close to him. You've got to figure out which way the wind is blowing. So he doesn't smell you. Yeah, the wind changes as the day goes on. Because the ground heats up what is this how about that that's scary is moose going to war in Alaska Moose battle

They go to war, like, run on people's lawns and shit Fuck up their cars Jeez I mean, they're so big A moose is, like, twice the size of an elk Twice the size? Oh, yeah, mooses get to, like, eight Mooses

Meeses to pieces My meeses It gets really big They get to, like, 1,800 pounds Holy cow They're huge They're so big they don't even look real. Jeez.

I saw one that my friend Ben shot in Alaska, in B.C., in British Columbia. And when it was walking across the road, there was like a dirt road that we were on. We saw it walk from one section of the forest into the next. It looked like, remember that War of the Worlds movie? Yeah. With Tom Cruise with the thing. Oh, my God. my god giant legs yeah like walking over cars holy shit can you eat moose oh yeah yeah delicious do you ever hunt for moose

yeah i hunted for moose oh you did once yeah at that time man i shot a moose that's a moose right there this is it oh really young moose that's why it doesn't have much antlers yeah i have a big ass set of antlers. What's better to eat? What's better to eat? Moose is fantastic. Moose and elk are real similar. But deer is really good too. All wild game if it's

healthy and it's prepared correctly and taken care of correctly. It's got an amazing taste to it. It's just really nutrient dense. very protein dense very different than any other and it's again if you want to eat meat in my eyes like this is the best meat for you and the best case scenario because this is not like a factory farmed animal and if you don't kill it its fate is sealed by mountain lions or bears or wolves, depending on where it is, or starvation or

freezing to death. And it has a very short life. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, if you find a nine-year-old elk, holy shit, how is that even possible? Really? Yeah.

50% of them in grizzly bear areas, they get killed by bears when they're babies. That's a high percentage. Yeah, they're fawns. One out of two fawns get killed. Deer fawns, too, in a lot of grizzly bear infested areas. Wow. Yeah. I tried making that elk steak that you gave me, and I messed it up.

Yeah, well, you got to cook it very lightly. You don't want to cook it. You should use a meat thermometer. I'll give you a whole thing. It wasn't long. I did it a short amount of time. What was wrong? I think you said that there's some layer that-

Oh, the silver skin. Yeah, the fascia. I didn't take that off. Well, I gave you a wrapped one that was from the butcher. Was it a roast or a steak? It was like a steak. Do you remember what- See, there's a white film that they keep on sometimes to sort of retain moisture.

And when you see it, it's like the fascia on the outside of the meat, and you have to slice that off. It wasn't like a real visible thing. Yeah, it's really thin. Sometimes it's in between the structure of the muscle. You've got to find it and cut it out or eat around it. Gotcha. It's just a different kind of animal. The taste was good,

but it was just very chew, chew, chewy. That's that part you've got to cut out. That's all it is. Right. It was good, though. The ground stuff was good. Oh, chewy. That's that part you got to cut out. That's all it is. Right. It was good, though. The ground stuff was good. Oh, yeah. That's the best. To make for burgers and chili and all kinds of stuff. With eggs in the morning?

Oh, it's fantastic. Oh, it's so good. And again, you don't have to worry about any bullshit. There's no hormones. Yeah. Buy antibiotics. That's the worst part. And it's an animal that lived wild.

I don't like the idea of just blindly ordering meat when I'm out. Because not knowing where it came from or not knowing, you know. Even worse. How about knowing? Yeah. Even worse. It's like you think about what the animal was. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. Suffering. We're in a weird place where we're jammed into these boxes of people. So many people. It's a whole giant fucking population. It's huge. And you've're jammed into these boxes of people. So many people. Giant fucking populations. It's huge. And you got to get these people food.

And so they don't want to know. They don't. They don't want to know where it came from. Nope. No, I know. Think about how many people are looking for lunch every day. I mean, how do you feed this number of people? Yeah, go to a pastrami, you know, a sandwich place, get a fucking big corned beef with Swiss and mustard.

And you're sitting there with a friend eating at Jerry's Deli. Yeah. Have a great time. Right. Eating some fries. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.

What the hell happened? No thought whatsoever to the whole process of what makes corned beef. How do you get that? Where'd that come from? Where is that? Yeah. No thought. No thought at all at all dude it's creepy you know yeah fucking weird man but what do you do there's so many of us you can't do anything like there's no way well you can obviously do something but i'm saying like the situation that we're in right now it has to be like resolved but it can't

be resolved instantly because to try to get all these people some sort of ethically raised animals um pasture fed animals that aren't forced to eat some shit they're not supposed to eat so they're unhealthy yeah to get your vegetables all free of pesticides but also a high yield you protect protect them from insects and pests and bullshit and disease. Don't you feel like it's going to have to be, like there's this new, I think it's called Better Burger. Oh, that's like a plant-based burger? Yeah, that almost looks like it's bleeding, like it actually has like a...

Have you tried it? I haven't tried it yet, but people have been talking about it a lot lately. Don't confuse farm-raised plants with not having any consequences, though. That's another problem that people have when they look at grain in particular. And they look at this idea of grain being completely ethical. I'm not saying don't eat grain. I'm saying if you look at those gigantic combines that chew up all that grain. Yeah. And when you go over those fields after they've been freshly cut, you see vultures.

Right. All over, circling. Because there's a ton of fucking things that got killed in those blades. Right. A ton of rodents. Rodents and rabbits. Right. All kinds of shit.

Occasionally fawns. You know, if someone, you know, fucks up and fawns apparently will someone you know fucks up and Rick's fawns apparently will when they're scared when they're really young they just stay put mm-hmm they're scared and they can get run over by shit but how are you gonna feed seven billion people that don't feel like you know here the key here's the key man preservatives without preservatives like everybody wants everything to be natural and organic right totally true but without preservatives it's very difficult to get supplies of shit and like stockpile things and to have things in surplus i mean right other

than grains yeah beans you know and canned things yeah you know you'd have to can everything but a lot of like shipping and how we move stuff around how long we want stuff to sit on the shelves and how long we want stuff to stay fresh you want to avoid mold by putting stuff in that avoids mold it also fucks with the natural gut flora that we have right in our bods see i'm like a scientist you really but don't you feel like just repeating shit i read but isn't it but isn't it crazy how passionate people like i talked about that i was uh ate like a vegan for a couple years on my podcast we got more hate comments like people are so uh like like passionate like screw you eating that way what do you mean i? I was eating that way. I wasn't saying you have to eat that way. But Pete, there is like an anger if you show them a different way of living or eating.

Eating. Just eating. Well, they look at you as a person who's responsible for the death and suffering of animals. Right. Yeah. That's what it is. Right. And they wanted to show that they are in a better moral position,

and they feel genuinely outraged by your eating meat. But it's the other side, too. If you say that you ate like a vegan, meat eaters come at you and say, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah. Oh, you're gay, bro. Yeah.

How long have you been eating dicks? Isn't it weird? It is weird. Like, who do you care how I eat? Well, the meat eaters, it doesn't make any sense. The meat eater ragging on the vegan, to me, doesn't make any sense at all. Unless it's just, like, you ever meet a woman that is just so mad at men because she's ran into a few fucked up men and they're like, you can't even talk to them?

You're like, all right. Yeah. People just trying to be nice to you. Like, you won't let that happen. Yeah. Like, every man is shit. Right. It's sort of like, I feel like maybe some meat eaters that shit on vegans, they get mad because

vegans are so proselytizing. It's such a common thing to be a proselytizing vegan. Right. That meat eaters, like, almost, like, attack first. First, right. You know? Yeah, like, screw you. You're not going to make me feel bad about what I do.

Yeah, but then there's also, there's a legit thought point that could be made that the people that are a lot of the people maybe that are shitting on vegans and veganism they're doing so because they don't want to address their own complicity in the suffering of animals and they don't want to think about it you make me think about it i just want to go to carl's jr and get that fucking bacon jalapeno cheddar thing with you know there's that too yeah you can't deny yeah it's not there's no absolute it's not one or the other yeah it's it's very possible that there's a bunch of shit going on yeah but that the idea that you could um get mad at someone for eating vegan that That seems crazy. It does seem crazy, but I think that people are so connected

to what they eat that it brings up this... It's a team thing. It's like we were talking about. How many goddamn vegans out there have the word vegan in their Twitter profile or their Facebook profile or their Instagram profile?

Jesus fucking Christ. Right. You're wearing it like a badge of honor. Right. Yeah. And they feel like they're going to help the world with this whole plant-based, plant-based. Right. Yeah.

But if you wrote like meat eater, Tom Papa, meat eater on the, you know, unless you run a TV show like meat eater with Steve Rinella on the Sportsman's Outdoor Channel. Nice. Unless you're doing that. Yeah, you would never do that. No. You could write plant-based. You know, like, hey, plant-based, I'm plant-based. People write that in their profile all the time.

Vegan. Happy vegan. I'm the healthy vegan. Yeah, this is me. I'm the fit vegan. I want you to know what I am and what I stand for. Athletic vegan. There's so many people that have that in their name profile. It's so

obvious what you're doing. Yeah. I just want to be part of a team. I just want to be part of it. I'm promoting a healthy lifestyle. I'm promoting what's going to save the world. I'm promoting, and I know they believe that. Uh-huh. I know they believe that, but I think we tend to look at

the entire thing. We tend to look at the entire group of people. We have to look at the entire group of people like, we have to stop eating meat. Look at what we're doing to the environment. Yeah. Well, some of us definitely don't have to eat meat. You can do whatever you want. Right. And we should all look at factory farming and say, this is despicable.

Yeah, disgusting. And this is horrific that we've allowed our civilization to accept this. Yeah. Inside of our borders right this is a barbaric practice yeah it's terrifying because there's a complete denial of like the the natural order of life instead you're like no i'm gonna just capture this life cage it up and then shoot it when it's ready yeah like whoa that way it stays tender because it doesn't move you're like like, woo, this is dark. Yeah.

To me, what makes sense to me, and everybody has their own thoughts on this, what makes sense to me is to just go out in the wild and get it yourself

if you can. Yeah. Everybody can't. No, I know. People don't have the time. Right. I understand that too. Yeah.

I get that. I'm not telling anybody what to do, but for me, I was at a point in 2012 where I was trying to decide if I was going to be a vegan or a vegetarian. Oh, yeah? I would lean towards vegetarian because I don't think there's anything wrong with free-range eggs and things along those lines. Yeah. And I don't think there's anything wrong with catching fish either.

So maybe I'd be like a pescatarian. Right. But what I wanted to avoid was the factory farming thing is fucked up. It is. Completely. So then I started hunting. I was like, thing is fucked up. It is, completely. So then I started hunting. I was like, it's going to be one or the other. And once I started hunting, I was like, oh, this is the way.

Because this is exciting and crazy and wild, and it puts you in tune with nature in this crazy way, and you have this deep, intense respect for wild things that I never had before. I didn't think about the management of wildlife or the resources of the land that we have, like public land, and that these animals roam these areas, and these areas have to be supported with money, and that money comes from hunting tags and a tax on sportsman's gear and sporting gear. Right.

You know, anything hunting gear related, they pay a giant sum of that money that goes towards conservation. It's a big tax. Right. I think it's like 11%. Wow. Yeah. So this is like what supports that and all the licenses and everything that supports

the fish and wildlife management of this country, of all this wild game. And that's why there's more deer in this country than there has been since Columbus landed. There's more deer in this country than when Columbus landed. Stop thinking about that. Yes, it is. More white-tailed deer in this country than there ever was before. And then there's other animals that they had almost extirpated because of what they used to call market killing. Market hunting they used to do at the turn of the century back when they didn't have refrigerators.

And they just took advantage of these wild animals roaming around. They would hire assassins, essentially, to go out, shoot these animals, and sell the meat. They almost wiped out all the elk. They almost wiped out all the deer. They almost wiped out everything. So at one point in time, before fish and wildlife management companies started managing all this stuff, there was a severe problem with the lack of wildlife and the possible impending extinction crisis. But since then, they've repopulated elk in a lot of areas.

They repopulated deer almost everywhere it was before. There's a big family in New Jersey, and there's deer all over the place. And I always thought it was because there was so much development that the deer have nowhere to go. Well, it's because there's no predators. And New Jersey has more predators now than ever before. was because there was so much development that the deer have nowhere to go. Well, it's because there's no predators. Right. And New Jersey has more predators now than ever before. New Jersey has the densest population of black bears in the country.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. So those are the predators that control the deer population. But a lot of times that's not enough food for them. And then the encroaching population, they find out about garbage cans and things like that. And then they become a giant problem. Right. Because it's also the densest populated with humans. Well, it is, but it's not. Population they find out about garbage cans and things like that and then they become a giant problem, right?

Because there's also the densest populated with humans Well, it is but it's not see New Jersey has a lot of really rural areas that a lot of people aren't really thinking about They're not aware. There's a ton of wildlife in New Jersey. Yeah, people only think about like Newark Yeah, which is where I was born. Yeah, you know, they think like northern new york which or nor uh new jersey rather right burton county that's where i was born southern new jersey and like there's west the whole west oh it's all fucking crazy yeah it's crazy rural out there yeah my uh my brother-in-law started did similar to what you he started thinking about how he's gonna get his food and stuff and he started hunting deer and because it's in new jersey there's all these deer so he goes out he gets like two a season yeah and it feeds his family for the year yeah and it's amazing look it is a first of all you're controlling a population that needs to be controlled because

there's a ton of accidents two million car accidents in this country last year people hitting deer and 150 people died two million from hitting deer yeah in this country alone jeez yeah that's crazy high unless you want to bring mountain lions and wolves everywhere you have to figure out a way to control those things right one of the best ways to control that also contributes to wildlife management funds is hunting right for hunting tags see it's all it's all very counterintuitive because we assume the people who hunt don't like wildlife right no you don't like it if you like liked it, you would leave it alone. Let it live its life, man.

Right. Yeah, but the problem is we've set up highways and these cities, and you can't just leave it alone now. We've already interfered in nature to a point where we've altered gigantic swaths of land to suit our bidding. So you either want to regress away from technological. So the people that drive Tesla saying this are the most crazy. What? Oh, sorry. You know what I mean?

It's like people who want cities and want technology, but they don't want management of wildlife. You don't understand. And they don't even understand that they've never been out there. The city's not even possible unless you manage wildlife. Because if mountain lions and bears start moving into Pasadena and start killing people... Right, exactly. You're going to need to manage them. If deers are everywhere and everyone's crashing into Pasadena and start killing people. Right, exactly. You're going to need to manage them.

If deers are everywhere and everyone's crashing into cars, you're going to manage them. What are you going to do? How are you going to manage them? Right. Well, humans shouldn't play God, man. Okay. Okay, well, just go outside and hope you don't get eaten. Goodbye.

Yeah. No, I would say a high percentage without knowing anything of people that hunt hunt love the outdoors love being out there but then you have those stories like you were saying with the ted nugent where people just kind of come in with their guns and shoot and get drunk and go off those those are those are drank he doesn't do that but he is a very boisterous right wing type character no i'm saying the guys who came in and just shot his bucks and split those guys yeah yeah i don't know if they were drunk or just crazy they were drunk. They were all cracked up. Messed up. Yeah, they were on crank.

Cranked up and going around and killing things. Bathtub crank. Well, I hope this discussion doesn't dissuade you from going to Musso and Frank's like gentlemen in our suits. We have to do what we gotta do. A martini and a steak once a year. For all those cows. Once a year. But this meat that I

ate last night that I shot yesterday morning and ate that night, maybe the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. Really? Fucking phenomenal. I saw the picture on Instagram, that one. Yeah, phenomenal. So rich with nutrients, man. I feel healthy just looking at those pictures.

Dude, it's so good. Oh, my God. It's so rich with nutrients. So how did you cook that? I cooked it on, I have a pellet grill. Right. It's called a Yoder. There's a bunch of really good ones.

Traeger makes a really good one. Right. Green Mountain Grills makes a really good one. There's a bunch of companies that make them. I cook it at 275 degrees until it hits an internal temperature of 125 degrees. That's not so long, right? No. Then I take it off, and then I heat up a cast iron skillet.

I've tried a bunch of different ways but this is the method that works the best for me. That I like the best. I heat a cast iron skillet. Very, very hot. And then I put some grass fed butter in the cast iron skillet. And then I sear the outside and put a crust. So after the internal temperature

is already 125 degrees, I cook it real quick. so off the palette yep into the pan which is on the stove top yeah and just sear it yeah like maybe less than a minute each side oh really maybe yeah like maybe like 45 seconds maybe each side just to get a little crust on that nice and it just is the perfect combination of the outside and the inside is very rare like but warm that's like when you take a bite of me just start pounding the table and it makes you like feel physically good yeah not like like oh good you're a big man you killed an animal that's not what i mean i mean like your body responds to the nutrients and the meat

in almost like an instantaneous way and part of it could be the thing that's very different than going to jerry's deli and getting that pastrami is that there's a incredible deep immediate connection with that food especially for me that day yeah knowing that i shot that that morning how did you get it don't doesn't have to go to the butcher and no we take parts of the body off like take the back straps and the tenderloins which are like um very easy to manage cuts butcher shop will cut steaks out of the back legs and the hams and gotcha roasts and things like that gotcha so what did you but what was that piece that you had last night was the tenderloin that you just took with you yeah well i took a bunch of it with me right put it in a cooler a yeti cooler but dude it's a it's it's the total

opposite of going to a burger place where you just go yeah can i get a double double yeah onions fries uh large diet coke too please right you get that and it's great i mean it tastes good and everything like that sure but that's, there's no connection. Nothing. There's no thought. There's this insane connection. And it's really difficult to accomplish. Yeah. To shoot an elk with a bow and arrow.

That's crazy. It takes years and years of practice. And I still suck at it. Yeah. Compared to like a really good archer and a really good hunter, I'm still constantly practicing. Yeah. Constantly trying to evolve it. Like if I were to get into hunting and go out there i'd have to take a gun because otherwise i'm gonna be shooting it in its eye

even that you have to learn how to shoot a gun properly it's not it's not people think it's easy to go shoot an animal with a gun good luck getting close to one right you don't know what the fuck you're doing you could luck out and yeah wander into a deer's not paying attention shoot them right but most of the time no like most of the time you have to get within a couple hundred yards of them you have to the if the wind is wrong they smell you a mile away they fucking bolt immediately yeah we stink do we we smell terrible when animals smell us yeah i don't know i would i would wish science could figure out what it is that hits an animal's nostrils when they smell a person but like a deer they're like fuck this they're gone really yeah the wind hits the back of your neck like say if you're like winds change right so

like say if you're looking at these animals and you're trying to make a stalk on one and then the wind is blowing in your face like this is perfect they can't smell me because the wind's in my face then as you get closer the wind can shift right sometimes you get the wind swirls and you feel it on the back of your neck and they just see the animals perk up and they're like fuck right and they're gone yeah it's amazing it's because because they're thinking about cats that's what they're thinking about they're thinking about smelling a cat right and that fucking that scent hits them yeah this weird human scent the human thing is bad too i think we probably smell we probably have our own unique danger smell yeah but they're i mean they're the evolution is not to avoid humans we've only been here a couple hundred years

the evolution of the elk is most likely to avoid predators, cats and bears. That smell. Right. They smell a predator. Right. They're like, fuck this. You know? There you go. Imagine the breath of a grizzly bear, you know, and the wind hits you.

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. If you're a fucking deer, you're like, Jesus. I saw a coyote the other day out on my neighbor's lawn. It was like a husky. It was a big ass. Looked like a wolf. It was like a husky. It was a big ass, looked like a wolf. It was probably a coy wolf. Do you know those are happening? Uh-huh.

There's coyotes. Well, here's the thing. There was a guy named Dan Flores that I had on the podcast. Yeah. He wrote this book called Coyote America. Fascinating book about the history of coyotes in America. Oh, yeah. I fucking absorbed that book.

It's so good. Really? Oh, it's amazing because it's so crazy. There's all this shit that I didn't know. One of the things is that a coyote is a wolf. It is a wolf. It's so good. Really? Oh, it's amazing because it's so crazy. There's all this shit that I didn't know. One of the things is that a coyote is a wolf. It is a wolf. It's a small wolf. It's a small species of wolf.

Came from a wolf. And that's why they interbreed with wolves. Yeah. No problem. Every wolf except the gray wolf. The gray wolf left America for so long and went to Africa and became like jackals and all these different dog species over there. Right.

But all the dogs that we have, all of them came from wolves. All of them. All of our dogs? My dogs? Every dog. And they all can breed with a wolf. Really? All of them.

Yeah. And the coyotes, they breed with different, like a lot of coyotes, like what percentage gray wolf? What percentage red wolf? Like they're separate species, but they're all the same thing genetically. Like, every dog, when they trace the DNA of a dog, all of them come from wolves. Really? Yeah.

So my little black lab? The coy wolf. Yeah, your little black lab at one point, you know, who knows when the fuck they started that process, was a wolf. So these coy wolves, you see the one in the black that's the koi wolf right it's like a combination of like a wolf and a coyote and meanwhile even coyotes though this guy dan flores were saying are kind of wolf that's why it works in the first place because they don't like if something like a tiger fucks a lion and they make a liger, that liger can't have babies. Because they're totally different species.

But a tiger can fuck a lion and get it pregnant. There's a real liger? That looks like it's about to talk to you. Like, hey, Billy, where are you going? This is not the woods for you. I wouldn't go this way. It's dangerous out here, buddy. Let me get you back home to your parents.

Hold on. Here comes a bear. I'm protecting these kids, you fuck you smell yeah you smell terrible get out of here so what you've seen is larger coyote this was a big coyote yeah it was big I was oh my god no wonder I'd be a big guy you know he might just be a regular coyote that's big that's just just big. He's ate a lot. Yeah. There's a lot of food out here, man. Man. Mostly pets. There's a lot of pets. A lot of pets.

Yeah. A lot of pets. Man. But believe me, we got it light. Deal with coyotes as opposed to those people in New Jersey that are dealing with bears. Yeah. People don't know. People that live outside.

Go to that video from Far Rockaway where these two 500-pound bear, I might be exaggerating, 500- pound bears are rustling and fighting in the street, knocking over mailboxes. In New Jersey? And cars stop their engine. And if I'm exaggerating, it's not by much. Look at these two things. Oh man.

Look at the size of these fuckers, dude. Looks like my sister's house. But look how they fall down and they knock shit over. They slam, look at how they knocked over that fence post. Look at the size of these fuckers. And they're fighting over territory. They don't attack people, though. Sure they do.

They do? Rockaway, New Jersey. A kid in Rutgers was killed a couple of years ago. A kid in Alaska was killed by a bear who was on. Look at them go to war. God. They're big. A kid in Alaska was killed.

He was on a race. He was on a trail race. No. A 16-year-old kid. He called his mom, said a bear was following him. God, they're big. A kid in Alaska was killed. He was on a race. He was on a trail race. No. A 16-year-old kid, he called his mom, said a bear was following him. Oh, my God. And then- And they got him? The bear got him.

They found the bear protecting the kid's body. Look at the size of that fucker. That's huge. I thought black bears were small. No, that's bullshit. They're huge. I thought they were small. How small did you think they were?

I thought they were smaller than that. Half the size of that? When they first are, when they're babies, and they were small. How small do you think they were? I thought they were like smaller than that. Like half the size of that. When they first are, when they're babies and they keep growing, they get really big. The ones at the jug band. They get huge, man. They get huge. They get to be like eight feet tall. Jeez.

Yeah. So what's the predator for the black bear in New Jersey? Hunters. Yeah. That's it. That's it. Bears don't have any predators. None.

Well, the only predator to a bear is another bear which they do kill each other a lot right eat each other a lot Especially babies jeez they eat a lot of babies they do oh Yeah, a lot of Billy good. Yeah, how about this guy? He's riding his mountain bike, and he sees that bear and he fucking falls down like Jesus. We don't have him out here Look at this. Panic. Jesus. You ever see the one where the guy hits the bear in his car and he fucking screams, holy

fuck. Oh, no. He's driving his car down this road going like 35 miles an hour and this bear jumps out last minute. Boom. Hits the car. And the bear goes flying and then runs off into the woods. Oh, my God.

Probably died. Yeah. But watch this. Watch this. This is crazy. Watch this shit. He's driving his car. Just having a good time.

Here I am. Made your road. You know, just driving. Oh. Oh. Oh, my god That's not even the one It went flying That's the Daily Mail one

And then ran into the woods Yeah There's another one That happens even quicker This is a little different Because it's got a guard rail The other one The other video

Is there's a bunch of trees To the side This is it Yeah North Carolina Watch this one Oh I'm just driving along Thinking about the time when white people used to run the world and slavery was legal. Oh, my God.

That thing's huge. Yeah. Oh, my God. I just hit the shit out of a fucking bear. I said the same thing. Rewind that again. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Rewind that again. Oh, my God. That's insane. Yes. I'm going to go home and smoke a fucking huge fucking... Oh, man. Rewind that again. Oh, my God. That's insane. Yes. I'm going to go home and smoke a fucking huge fucking... Oh, my God! Oh, my God. I just took the shit out of a fucking bear.

That couldn't be any better than if somebody narrated over an accident like that. Oh, that's terrible. I'm going to go home and smoke a fucking big bull. You missed that part. Oh, my God. That is scary. I just hit a bear. smoke a fucking big bowl. I missed that part. Oh, my God. That is scary. I just hit a bear. They're huge, dude.

My sister-in-law just hit a deer. She's just like going up, you know, Bergen County, like not a rural part. My friend Cam lives in Oregon, and one of the guys in his neighborhood died because someone in front of him hit a deer and the deer went flying through the air and his car was behind it and the deer landed through his windshield oh my god jeez fuck it's just yeah it's just flying bone i mean then here's here's the angry vegan argument so you just want like all these animals to go away so you could continue destroying the world with your stupid fucking car man is. Is that what you're saying?

So yeah, there shouldn't be any wildlife because it inconveniences you. How about it's their land, man? How about it's theirs? Well, then you couldn't be talking to me because there'd be no computers. And we can't live here. Because if it was their land, you wouldn't survive. We carve off swaths of it for what we decide the cities are ours. No, man. The cities aren't even real, man.

This is something we built over their sacred burial ground. This is where the bears used to bury their young, man. Yeah. And talk to each other in an ancient language we don't understand anymore. Look, we all have our own little fantasy worlds. Yeah. Well, the anthropomorphization, that thing that Disney movies did where they made animals talk. Yeah.

That fucked people up. It really did. It fucked us up as children Disney movies did where they made animals talk. Yeah. That fucked people up. It really did. Fucked us up as children. It really did. It really did. Yeah. No, I know. I mean, people think that's a joke.

I'm joking around. I'm being dead serious. I watch My Kids Are Vegetarians because my wife is. What? And no, a big part of it was seeing them as people, like seeing them with a little bow tie. It really has an effect. Of course, especially when you're a little baby. When you grow up watching Yogi Bear or watching Foghorn Leghorn.

But as a child, when I was watching that stuff, my mom was also making amazing meals at the same time. So it was like I did not connect it. No. Yogi was Yogi and mom just made lasagna. There is a real problem with representing something. I mean, look, it's entertaining. There's nothing wrong with that for us as an adult. But as a child, it puts the idea in your head that these things are something other than what they are.

Right. Not that there's anything bad with what they are what they are is amazing even predators like i don't i wouldn't want predators wiped out i think bears and wolves they're fucking awesome man it's crazy to see too oh no around them yeah and look i mean that's why the factory farming thing is so gross there's a consciousness to animals i mean my dog you know oh yeah has a sensitivity and a love and i mean there is you make those animals suffer i mean that that's exactly that's bad well the other thing is that that animal especially dogs they have developed this intense sensitivity and connection with people over thousands and thousands of years

of having this weird symbiotic relationship with us. Yeah. To the point where you get like, I have a golden retriever. Yeah. Dude, this is the sweetest dog I've ever had in my life. Yeah. He's just a big old snuggle bunny. Yeah. He's a baby. He's the sweetest thing.

Yeah. Like occasionally he plays a little too rough and everybody gets mad at him. Right. But it's like nothing. Yeah. He's such a sweetie. Love bucket. Like when I come home, that that dog he runs around me in circles

then drops onto his back and i start rubbing his belly yeah i sit down he climbs on top of me and circles around and kisses my face just licking like crazy flops on me like with his legs up in the air he wants me to rub his tummy yeah he's the best it's the best he's so sweet you know they did a uh there was an article the other day which i didn't get too deep into, but this guy trained dogs so they would be calm enough so you could put them in an MRI. You could actually study their brains. It was hard to do because dogs freak out, but you need them just to stay still like a human so you could study their brain. a human so you could study their brain and they learned that a lot of the patterns of a dog's brain are similar to ours empathy and feeling for things and like emotion of like you know that it was so similar that it really showed like just genetically wired to feel and have emotion

very similar to the way we do that's fascinating You know what else they're genetically wired to do? Kill chickens. Wow. Real problem. Yeah. Do you have chickens? Yeah. I don't know if he's killed one, but he definitely brought a dead one to me once.

Really? Yeah, but I was like, did you kill this? What the fuck happened? Because it didn't make sense. What do you mean? Because he didn't seem that aggressive with the chickens before. I think it might have died. They just die sometimes.

Sure. They just die. You find them in their pen. Yeah. The chicken coop. They have this big ass, like a chicken house. Sometimes you just find them in there dead. Oh, yeah.

Is that where you get all your eggs? Yeah. That's great. They don't live that long. But he fucking, now that he's had one in his mouth and he's carried it around, and I found it, now he wants to go near them all the time. Yeah. Cut the shit.

Can you train him not to do that? Sort of, yeah, but you got to be on it all the time. Yeah. It's got to be like a daily thing. Like, he really likes chasing chickens. Yeah. He's like, what are you talking about? These are fucking chickens.

You're supposed to chase chickens. Joe, do you know these are back here? Yeah. Joe, there's a whole house of them. I had this thing since it was a baby. I said, chase chickens. Yeah. It's like it since it was a baby. It's a chase chickens. Yeah. It's like it's in there, man.

It's in the system. It's instinct, of course. Oh, yeah. Dude, he's so happy, too. When you catch him doing it, you're like, hey. He just doesn't want to listen. It's like, no, whatever. My dog, like, it's great.

Black Lab. She's so sweet. Same thing. And because it's a vegetarian household, it was only when I don't make meat that often when I'm with the family. Because it's kind of weird to be sitting there eating meat in front of them. But when I do, when we're alone, sometimes giving her some meat. She started to see me as the one thing in the house that gave me whatever that was. Our relationship went to a whole

other level. Now she looks at me differently. Meat with butter on it. You don't even bother chewing it. You ever see when you give them a piece of steak? Gone so fast. I really feel like, no, enjoy that.

If you give them dog food, they never react like that. They're like, I'll eat this. I'm just trying to chew this shit down. Yeah, you're calling it chicken. It's all bullshit. I cut off a couple of peaks of elk and put it in my dog's food. They go crazy. Looking for more of it.

Gone. Gone. Behind the bowl, under the bowl. It can't be gone. Take your time. Enjoy it. It's too good.. Take your time. Enjoy it. It's too good. Instincts, man.

Yeah, it is. It is a weird thing that we've created these animals. Not created them, but sort of bred them to the point where they become a part of the household. Yeah. And they live with you, but they don't speak English. No. They know the rules. They know the rules. Yeah.

They could kill you, but they don't. When your dog sometimes is just like face to face, she's licking you on the face you're just like and you just see the teeth yeah and you're like this is kind of weird yeah that i my face is close to this jaw yeah thank god this thing is really nice because it could just bite me in the face right now that's why erratic dogs like kujo are so fucking terrifying yeah it's because they're a part of your family then all of a sudden something goes wrong i had a dog when i was a kid that we got from the pound and had distemper And we had him for a couple days and it just kept getting worse and worse It was a Doberman Doberman pinch. Oh my god

And it got to the point where was growling and barking at us in the house Yeah, scared of everybody and growling and barking. Oh, man. We were talking to it like what's wrong? Like what's wrong? And then we brought it to the vet. And they're like, this dog's fucked. Really? It's got distemper. Is that like a chemical thing? It's some sort of a disease they can get from other dogs.

And a lot of times dogs that didn't have their shots, they get it. And it can make some dogs behave very erratically. And you can't correct that? I don't think they can. At least they couldn't when I had a dog. Canine distemper. Contagious and serious viral illness with no known cure. Disease affects dogs and certain species of wildlife such as raccoons, wolves, foxes, and skunks.

Common house pet the ferret is also a carrier of this virus. Oh my god. So that was in your house. Yeah. Well, it's not as bad as rabies, but for this one dog, whatever kind of distemper he had. It was major symptoms include high fever, reddened eyes, watery discharge of the nose and eyes. An infected dog come lethargic and tired and usually become anorexic.

I had another puppy that had this as well. And his thing, well, he didn't have this, but he had something that gave him seizures, and they thought it was distemper. See, fifth seizures, paralysis, and attacks of hysteria. See, that was what my dog had. He had the hysteria part. Oh, yeah.

I don't know if he was lethargic. He was just sitting there. Even though he was growling, it wasn't like he was trying to get us, but he wasn't doing good. But he was not right. Death may result in two to five weeks after the initial infection. That's sad.

Yeah. Do you have one dog? I have three. You have three? Yeah. Do you think it's mean to have one dog? No. No, it's not mean.

If you're around the dog, you hang out with him. Yeah, we hang with him. We have a good time. He gets a lot of love. Dogs like dogs, though. They do like dogs. They're pack animals. Yeah. They have a good time together. Yeah, we hang with them. Gets a lot of love. Dogs like dogs, though. They do like dogs. They're pack animals. Yeah.

They have a good time together. Oh, my God. We had this little thing came over to the house. Yeah. The dog was so happy. Yeah. My daughter's got a chihuahua. And so the chihuahua and the golden get together.

Oh, really? They run around and play. And it's like they have the fucking best time. Like, it's a party. It's constant. They could go for hours. They're just running around in circles, barking at each other. I know.

I mean, I'm like, you know, it's a lot of work having a dog. And I'm like, one's enough. But when I saw them together, I had a little weakness. Like, maybe this would be cool. Especially if you have a good-sized yard where they can run around. Yeah. Yeah. It's an okay size.

The crazy thing is that that used to be a wolf. Even like an English bulldog. Yeah. Somewhere along the line, that was a wolf. That was a wolf. They all come from that. Yeah. And then the wolves like slowly got closer to us.

By the campfire, we had food. We'd chuck a little food at them. He'd be cool to us. The other wolves, tell back off. These guys got food. They're cool. They're cool. They're cool, man.

Then they became more and more submissive, they think, over time. Right. The ones that were more submissive were more accepted, and they bred more, and then their ears started to flop. They were more submissive versus the ears up, listening around for prey. Instead, they became this thing. Wow. They came to know us as dogs. That's pretty great.

It's fucking strange, man. It is strange. It is weird. They didn't know that before they started doing those DNA tests on dogs. They thought that they would find that dogs came from like a bunch of different wild canids, like a bunch of different wild dog species. Yeah, that's what I would think. Yeah.

All from North America, too. Because they're so different looking. Oh, that's crazy. I don't get it. Crazy, man. Well, so are people, though, right? I mean, that's the weird thing about life. That's one of the reasons why it's so easy for us to gather up into these stupid tribes.

Yeah. It's because visually we look so much different. Right. I mean, people from South Korea look way different than people from Africa, and it's very different to not think of us all as the same. Yeah. So you tribal up with the people that look similar to you because you're scared of the other and not even the look there's probably like within us there's traits that you don't even know that you're recognizing like when i'm around italians it's like there's something

about it that's yeah you know that's comforting for sure you know yeah that's why it's like really funny not funny but it's really odd when like super light-skinned black people are like really radical black activists. You're like, hey, are you making up for something here? Like what's going on here? Is this just how you actually feel or you like really want to gain acceptance in this tribe? Super hardcore. Every tribe's been knocking you you have to like show your your you know because it's one thing that a friend of mine said who's black he was

talking about uh black racism and he was like one of the weirdest racisms that i've had to accept is dark people uh versus like lighter black skin light-skinned yeah light-skinned people will oftentimes be really racist to dark skinned black people. Interesting. And I was like, really? Oh yeah.

Yeah. There's a big difference. Big difference between how light skinned black people feel about dark skinned black people and vice versa. And it's like, dark skinned black people, racism within black people. I was like,

Whoa. Yeah. That's a whole mindset that, uh that I could never try and understand. But just give people enough time and they'll eventually find a group to belong to. Yeah. That they even inside the group. Like if you ask the black people who are light skinned, do they identify more with the dark skinned black people or white people?

They'd probably see more of the dark skinned black people. This is obviously a great generalization. Yeah. Yeah. But these people that have these issues with this thing right but they probably in comparison to white people like well i'm not that i'm not this person right i'm one of these i'm more like that guy but this guy's not like me because you know he's that and i'm this and then this is my group and that's their group you know so even inside groups we have these factions yeah yeah hardline republicans right you know versus i'm more of on the libertarian side right i'm alt

right right you know exactly just check my profile i'll let you know what it's all about i'm vegan athlete super wonder person you know i mean that's really kind of what it is in a lot of ways i mean there's good ideas behind all these things. Yeah. Notwithstanding, especially when you're talking about idea, not race, right? Like, good ideas behind being a vegan. Even good ideas behind a lot of right-wing Republican ideas. Like, what they're trying to do is noble.

Right. Yeah. No, absolutely. In some cases. Yes. It's the extremes. It's the extremes. It's saying that my team can never be wrong in any regard.

And it's just being on a team, period. Yeah. People want to belong. You got to accept a lot of bullshit if you want to join a team. Yeah. Billy dropped the ball. That fuck, now we lose? Screw that guy.

He's one of us? Yeah. I didn't even know Billy. Twat. Get him out of here, that twat. Twat's the best word ever. Twat's a great word. Twat is so good.

That Sargon of Akkad guy was trying to tell me I was saying it wrong. It's not twat's the best word ever twat's a great word twat is so good that Sargon of Akkad guy was trying to say me tell me it was I was spelling saying it wrong it's not twat that it's twat

twat? twat but he's out of his mind twat how do you say swat like swat team swat so you don't say swat

you fucking English cocksucker it doesn't have the impact shut your mouth first of all the idea of English people telling us how to use their language is offensive.

That is really rude. You can't tell me how to speak your language, English person. Back off. We own it now. My favorite variation of English, though, is Australian. Because it's a very distinctive version of English. It's not American. Yeah.

You know? It's distinctive. Oh, completely. They're off on their own island making up their own rules. Like my friend Adam, my friend Adam Greentree, who's, by the way, has the most exciting Instagram story in the world right now. He's been living by himself in the back country, bow hunting in Colorado. Oh, yeah.

He totally struck out in Colorado. He was there for like 20 days. I started watching because I heard you talk about him. He bailed on Colorado and now he's moved into the grizzly infested mountains of not only that, the grizzly infested mountains of Montana, but not only that,

he documented, officially documented grizzly bears in Colorado. Where people are saying there's no grizzlies in Colorado, and there's even a website that deals with it and says that people who say they sighted a grizzly bear in Colorado, it's oftentimes like Sasquatch, like you think you saw it. No, he is an experienced outdoorsman who's been a bow hunter his whole life.

He knows what he's looking at, and he found several grizzly bears in the mountains, deep in the backcountry of Colorado. And recorded it? 16 miles in, miles in yeah i mean the little blobs moving around the background it's hard to see but but they're big yeah and he said that is absolutely 100 a fucking mountain grizzly bear so they're moving into colorado too he's been in the woods a long time 20 days and now he's back he got in a car he rented a car took him a day he drove um into i think wyoming or idaho whatever's connected to montana i think it's wyoming no idaho i think it's idaho yeah he drove into idaho and now he's making his way down from idaho into the like parks in idaho and

he's hiking into montana into grizzly infested back and Wyoming coming from the South. It's fucking scary shit, man. There's grizzlies everywhere up there. He, uh, has a family. Yes, it does.

And he's just out in the woods. Don't be scared. Don't pop up. I'm not scared. I'm what I'm envious. I'm envious of how he gets out of his house to go to the woods for that one. 20 days, 20 days.

I don't know if my, I don't know if my wife would let me. Well, if you were, I would love it. If you're updating your Instagram story constantly, see, that's my theory as to why he's doing this. This way, I don't know if my wife would let me. I would love it. If you're updating your Instagram story constantly. See, that's my theory as to why he's doing this.

This way, it lets everybody know where he is all the time. Everybody knows he's okay. Versus him just disappearing off the map for 30 days. Right. It is so interesting that you could be out there and be able to film stuff and communicate and look at maps. He's a savage. Not a lot of people could do it that way. Yeah. stuff and communicate and look at maps and he's a savage not a lot of people could do it that way yeah even most bow hunters will tell you like man i'll go for a backcountry camping trip for like seven days by myself for 10 days but this guy's just gone so deep he's and by yourself by himself

that's that's the thing i mean even having one other friend makes a big difference he ran out of food a while back so you could see him like getting skinnier and skinnier as time went on then he had to go into town to get more food oh my god he ran out of food he while back, so you could see him getting skinnier and skinnier as time went on. Then he had to go into town to get more food. Oh, my God. He ran out of food. You see it in his face. Really? His face is getting more gaunt.

His eyes are getting more sunken in. It's like, whoa. I saw him exhausted at one point. He was just laying back. So deep, man. I mean, what he's doing. He had to filter water through a piece of wet like old, rotting piece of wood. He poured the water, because his filter

was back at camp 16 miles away. Because he had been running, he'd been getting so much fresh water that was pumping right out of the ground from springs. You could just drink that. But when you come to a creek, like you have to take a chance. Yeah. Because it could be Jardia, because beavers shit in the dam and you get what they call beaver fever. Oh boy.

You shit your brains like rocket projectile broken fire hydrant diarrhea just blah blah where your body's like hey fuckhead yeah so i'm taking a sip and saying i might regret this in a couple days oh man yeah he drinks a lot straight out of the ground and he just does this is his gig well he has a company in australia and he's kind of his own boss, so he gets to decide that he goes on the road for 30 days at a time and do this. Wow. But he's a very famous professional bow hunter, too.

Wow. Yeah, it's a crazy Insta story if you're interested to see what it's like for these guys that want to do these backcountry solo hunts, but there he is. Look at his face in the far left. He's lost a lot of weight, man. Yeah. He's going to be shredded when he gets off the mountain. Oh, man.

He's going to pose for a fucking calendar. He's a handsome fellow, isn't he? It's so funny. It's amazing about just social media. It's like you watch him, and he's out in the woods by himself. Then the next story is, the my show i'm at my show at the ice house it's really having a good time i know he's crazy he's pretty hardcore different lives that yeah you know but i was gonna say their their version of the english

language is the best yeah he'll say you know well i've got me tent i got me bow over here i've got me water supply i'm all good good. Everything's me this, me that. Me that. That to me is like my favorite version of the English language. English sounds slightly cooler than American, but Australian is slightly cooler than English. That's the most, the best use of the English language. Sounds a little, sounds a little reckless to me. Do you think so?

It's a reckless language? Yeah, they're all wound up. Well, everything can kill them over there. They've got to be wound up. Yeah, they've got to be wound up. Fucking snakes and spiders and crocodiles, and they're surrounded by sharks. They're all out there on their own. If anyone attacks them, no one's going to help.

Yeah, I mean, how big is the Australian army? It's like 25 people i think well the whole place is only the amount of people it's the same size as america but the amount of people is the same as california slightly less than california that sounds great beautiful just drive around i was just saying this before jamie that i i think living in la i just feel like i'm gonna end up being the cranky guy that can't be around people. Right. There's so many people around us all the time.

Yeah. It just, it's exhausting. It is, but it's also energizing, right? Somewhat, yeah. When I come back from the woods, if I go somewhere, especially camping, and then you come back to civilization, you kind of appreciate restaurants and movie theaters. Get some popcorn and watch a movie. You just like being around it.

Maybe that's it. You just need breaks from it. Yeah, that's what I think. I think the best of both worlds is both worlds. Right. I think just living by yourself in the woods like the Unabomber, like, what the fuck, dude? I don't want to end up that way. Might end up alone with nature. Just no fucking phones pussy yeah what's going

on i can't do that total military personnel 81 000 we have 81 000 military in my house i know amount of military that people yeah america what's the amount of military in america oh my god let's guess let's guess before we search how many military in the united states military military members we're not even going to include the coast guard you have to include the coast guard all right navy coast guard marines air force army army four million 18 million 70 million 70 i'm going crazy no three 2.6 2.3 rather yeah total population 323 well they're not including my scars oh 323 million and then total military 2 million 300 wow so less than 10 you know what's interesting about that number, man? I remember when 250 million, when I was a kid, the population was 250.

Because I remember thinking, me and my friends were sitting around, we were in high school, we were like, 250 million. Yeah. How the fuck are there that many people? Yeah. We were like, wow. That's so many. Now it's almost 100 million more.

My God. In the world? Like billions more. 7 billion so many. Now it's almost 100 million more. My God. In the world, like billions more. Seven billion. But what was it then? I think in like the 80s when I was in high school. Yeah. I bet there was. Three and a half.

Yeah. I bet there was like three. Yeah. I believe that. We've learned to survive too well. Exactly. It's amazing. So many people.

Because we've got all this food it's shipped into these cities and medicines factory farming and medicine we're living longer living much longer longer so many people during the last eclipse that's what the the stat that blew my mind during the last time we had an eclipse total eclipse like that on our uh on our continent uh it was a hundred years ago a hundred years ago there were fewer people in the whole state of california than who live in la today oh it must have been nice oh it must have been glorious you could have got to the comedy store in like 10 minutes on a bike yeah there's a roll down laurel canyon what a worry in the world sweet oh my god la was like a small town so many damn people 1917 there's three million people

oh in california in the whole state that's way less than la la is like 20 million three million people in 1917 in the whole state and they were probably like there's so many fucking people this is so gross I can't go to town one more time running through those assholes what is today Texas what does Texas have today go to the very end here Texas has 27 million

Canada the entire country of Canada 36 million oh my god California 39 million so California has more people than fucking canada so i'm not going crazy it's a real thing i'm feeling it yeah well that's also one of the reasons why california or rather canada the people are so nice they're not as uh overwhelmed yeah they're surprised to see you see that that bear on the fucking california sign you know what's crazy that bears like that are extinct in California.

What is that? That's a grizzly. They used to have grizzlies in California. In fact, the last grizzly that killed a man in California before they killed him was in Lebec. Lebec, California. There's a guy that was the last guy killed by a bear in California. His name, I think, was Steven Lebec.

Something Lebec. L-E-B-E-C. Right. And they named a town in California. His name, I think, was Stephen Lebec. Something Lebec. L-E-B-E-C. Right. And they named a town after him. If he was the last guy in California, he'd be killed by bears. And when was that? We used to have giant, huge bears. In like the 1800s?

I think it was then. Right. I think it was the 1800s. But they killed him because they were killing all the people. Like, they were killing us. Right. It was us or them. But meanwhile, it's them we put on the flag.

Like, we won, but we miss you, buddy. Yeah. So we put put on the flag Like we won but we miss you buddy So we put you on the flag We love you We love looking at you but you gotta stop eating us So we had to shoot you all You know what's lame about that It's similar to what happened with the Native Americans But it's not

You know what killed most of the Native Americans In this country Disease Smallpox A bunch of diseases 90% Isn't that crazy most of the Native Americans in this country? Disease. Smallpox. Like, a bunch of diseases. Yeah. 90%. That we brought to them.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. 90% of them were killed, wiped out by disease. Yeah. I always thought we killed them all. We killed a lot of them, for sure. Not we.

I shouldn't say we. I was just reading this. I'm the grandchild of immigrants. Yeah, I was just reading. Yeah, exactly. We were in Italy at the time, enjoying ourselves. There was a lake, the Tenaya Lake in Yemite yeah uh is named after this chief taniya who we killed his son we killed his son in front of him we should stop saying we i know

definitely wasn't us i feel guilty i had that in my act for a while my daughter's like why did we do that i'm like easy with the we We were on Vespas and eating spaghetti. We're lovers. And then named the lake after him. Killed his kid in front of him, made him suffer, killed him, and then named the lake after him. It's like, it absolves us of the guilt. And we're just like, oh, Tenaya, there was a name. There was some horrible, horrible shit going on back

then horrible all over the world i mean and even before that like the accounts of what columbus did when they encountered the natives and then you know they're trying to get gold out of these people and slaughter these people slaughtered so i mean it's a serial killer type shit yeah i mean that's we used to have columbus i guess we still do not in California they're getting rid of it? they voted it out but in New York you know Columbus Circle and they still have someone defaced the Columbus statue in Central Park the other day

people gotta stop doing that man you can't deface Genghis Khan's statue it's one thing to revere and worship these people and we definitely shouldn't do that anymore but like those statues are history. We should look at it but understand what we're looking at. Yeah. We're not worshiping a statue of Christopher Columbus, but it is a fascinating thing to know that this monster, like, got in a boat and sailed across the ocean.

If it wasn't for him, likely wouldn't be a whole population here. Right. Him and the people that he went with. I think you've got to add some new statues. Yeah. Some new statues. That's a good move yeah of other people that had a positive impact on stuff you know you know what's fucked up though about a lot of these civil war statues that people are wanting to tear down now and destroy yeah what's fucked up was when you look at when those things were built those things weren't built like way before the civil rights movement and they're a relic of an ancient past no right a lot of them were built in response to the civil rights movement so they really are

racist in origin yeah a lot of the robert e lee ones and all that shit where people are like you know we'll take back the world and the south's gonna rise again and yeah no they weren't around right since the 1800s it was like 1965 yeah and a lot of them are made really quickly and shittily in response to the Civil Rights Movement and that they were made out of copper and bronze and shit because it was easier to do than stone. Oh, really? Yeah. No, that's not good.

We had to create some other statues. It's like a visualization of the number of monuments that were erected and what These are all Civil War monuments? Yeah. Look at that shit. NAACP was founded.

Giant spike in Civil War monuments. Wow. Look at that, man. That's crazy. Yeah, it was a retaliation. Red Summer race riots. Giant spike in Civil War monuments. Tulsa race riots.

Giant spike in Civil War statues. That's nuts man like you could track it there's a bigger version of this too I was trying to find right now but I just got this little chunk of it that's spooky cause no one's talking about that when they're talking about keeping these things up and they represent our heritage

I understand what you're saying but worshipping this is a real problem because you gotta realize what was the motivation to put like why is it okay though for me? Why, why, why do I look at it and go, I have a problem with this because they did it during the racist 1960s or during the early 1900s and the NAACP was created. I would accept it better if it was 200 years old instead of a hundred. Like, what's wrong with me?

Right. Like, why do I care? Right. What do you mean? what do you mean why do you care i mean why why is it like i mean why is it more offensive that it was created by racists in the 1960s than if it was created by racists 200 years ago maybe it's because it's a direct line yeah people alive right now yeah exactly yeah that's dirty. It's dirty when you look at the actual spikes. Yeah. George Wallace.

It jumped up during the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. When George Wallace is blocking the schools. It jumped up. Look at that. That's weird. Yeah. Detroit race riots. Boom, we got a little spike.

Yeah, hanging on to it. Not so fast. Teams at war. Yeah. More teams. Act out of kindness at war yeah more teams act out of kindness that's not an act out of kindness that's not putting a statue up there out of uh out of love do you ever think though that those people that were doing all this stuff back then they really didn't have a direct connection with the world the way we have today and then one of the reasons why we're seeing all these people tearing these things down now is because we all have a direct connection with each other and we realize that hey these civil war statues they're fucking horrible yeah what the civil war was was horrible right like

saying that it's a part of your culture this is horseshit like no this is a part of a terrible attempted genocide on black people demonizing to the point where they were the other and it was okay to enslave them yeah hundreds of years no you could live in in new york state and not have any idea really what was going on in the south at the time no no no you don't understand the civil war was about economics yeah i've seen that argument too but i've seen that argument torn apart if there was social media back then do you think slavery would have even existed no and here's the thing nobody wants slavery today if you do you're a cunt and two it doesn't mean that like when you guys define yourself by a war that you lost and the war had a big part of what the war was about with slavery that's a giant problem it's a big problem

it's a giant problem and how the world looks at us and looks at you and the way you look at yourself. Like you're justifying some of the most horrific shit in human history. So far from kindness. In American history, yeah. That's not out of kindness. Slavery. They actually live better. I heard that argument.

They actually live better as slaves. Oh, gee, that's weird. How strange is it that people lived better when you fed them and they lived in fucking cages than when they were released with no skills and no education and couldn't read and had to repopulate? Oh, my God. And in a country that's not even the country of their origin. Yeah, as you're putting up a statue on your way out the door. Of a fucking general who fought to keep slavery alive.

Yeah. Let's move on it doesn't mean that the south isn't awesome folks it doesn't mean that you're not awesome yeah but let's move forward stop with the teams here's the problem right what do you do about old leonard skinner albums that fucking flag what do you do what does that flag represent to the Dukes of Hazzard now? Yeah. I know. Right? Yeah, I know. Old Neil Young. It's tricky.

Yeah. It's like all things. It's not that black and white. You can't absolute that. No, there is. Because the South has some awesome shit. Well, you also don't want to. There is a danger in wiping out history so we don't learn from it. You can't do that either.

You can't just pretend this thing didn't exist and that there's remnants of it still around you need to be educated of if we're going to learn from history you need to educate yourself about it yeah absolutely so you can't just sweep it all under the rug and think okay if we don't see it it didn't exist yeah yeah absolutely you know and on that note tom, let's bring this bitch home. This cigar was so nice. Very good, right? Very good cigar. So great. What's it called?

Oliva. Oliva. Oliva. Oliva. Oliva. Hopefully created by highly skilled, well compensated craftsmen and women. Craftswomen. Are you going on the road for a bit?

On the road again. Cranking it out I'm doing the comedy store Saturday night I'm gone Most of next week And then Then I'm Banging out a bunch of shows

Woo Nice October 6th Vegas Las Vegas, Nevada Ladies and gentlemen At the motherfucking Mirage I'm gonna be gone for about a month

Where you going bitch? Everywhere TomPapa.com? Yeah, that's where all my dates are. Oh, shit. Pacific Northwest. The South. The Northeast.

And if you have not seen Tom Papa, he's one goddamn hilarious stand-up comedian, so go out and see him live, you fucks! I'm glad we got this in. This was a nice treat. I didn't think I'd see you for a while. Fucking fun, man. You're always the best.

And I got some elk for you. Here we go. You're the best.. And I got some elk for you. Here we go. You're the best. Bye, guys. See ya. Bye. Girls, too. Bye, girls, too.