The Joe Rogan Experience - #1017 - Jim Norton

Episode Date: September 28, 2017

Jim Norton is a stand-up comedian, radio personality, author, and actor. Tickets to his tour "Kneeling Room Only" are available now at http://jimnorton.com and also check out the "Chip Chipperson Podacast" available on Spotify.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Boom! And we're live. Let's have a toast to Hugh Hefner. Yes. We lost one of the great dick-slingers of the 20th century. We certainly did. We lost him. He literally had a place where guys could go to be leches.

Yeah. You could just go, and you had a mansion where everybody knew there was going to be a bunch of hoes. And that's why they went. Yeah, they went there on purpose, and there was guys that were notorious for hanging around the mansion, for going to all the mansion parties. Did you ever go? I went twice. I went once for a marijuana policy project thing.

I think that was the company that was putting it together. Or I hosted something and there's bands and stuff like that. It was kind of interesting. That's fun. And then the other time I went was for Fear Factor. We did something for Fear Factor with the Playboy Playmates. Did you get to meet Hugh? I never met him, man.

No, I never met him. He's just, I think by that time, he's old, and I think he just wanted to chill. Yeah, he was just kind of done. I never went there. I tried to get in. A girl tried to get me in, and I guess they Googled me, and I guess I didn't have enough credits. Oh, come on. That's what it was.

I couldn't get in. Really? They have to look you up. She was nice, but they said no. How long ago was this? Probably two years ago. Oh, my God. I know.

I didn't qualify to go with those fucking girls and fucking... That is so crazy you didn't have enough credits. I guess so, or maybe they didn't have the right credits, or maybe they just didn't care. Like, whatever. You know what I mean? I wasn't even that mad about it. I was like, whatever.

Wow, credits. Yeah. How gross. Yeah, she said something like that, but she was trying to be really nice. Like she was trying to let me down easy because she felt bad because we were friends and she wanted to go like, you just don't qualify to come here and look at these tits, which is really hurtful. It was a weird place because it was super outdated.

Like you heard about the grotto. Yeah. Oh, the grotto. You go to the grotto and has a phone from like the 1970s there. And you're like, what is this? They left it like for probably for the vibe the old school vibe i guess or they just never updated it yeah it was weird like you know he sold the place or it was for sale but one of the caveats of purchase was that he had to live in the building until he died yeah yeah but it was like some preposterous amount of

money like 200 million dollars or something crazy well the land is really valuable so yeah so what do they do it then do they knock it down I mean is there no nostalgia to it is it like kind of died on the vine anyway or do you fucking what do you question well he has a son and his son probably inherited it his son I think was running the magazine they tried for a while to have no nudity. Oh, terrible idea. It's like a mechanic fucking thing with no cars in it. Who wants to just read that shit? It's stupid. It's like having a New York Times article with all ads. Like, where's the fucking intellectual

stimulation here, you fucking idiots? Yeah, it's like, that's a a really bad no nudity is a terrible decision yeah well they were always in this weird area right because hugh heffner was like the only acceptable pornographer like larry flint who did a lot for free speech who did a lot for exposing corrupt politicians but they would show vaginas and assholes yeah and because of that he was always thought as a gross guy Yeah, you know well even their social commentary was great. I remember when I was a kid. It was one it might Who's the feminist Gloria?

No, no Gloria already. Oh my god. I know I think it was a Gloria Steinem parody But it was like you know her licking a girl's pussy that had period blood it was like some fucking vile Thing he would do the most vile political call like he really showed his disdain of those people yeah he was great he's a crazy guy he's still alive that fucker yeah he is shot you know and paralyzed like way back in the day right yeah 77 maybe was it that late i think it was i were 76 yeah yeah he's gonna still got a bunch of casinos and stuff.

He's still out there kicking it. But who the hell is buying Hustler? Well, it's funny you mention it. My manager got one today. I haven't bought one in many years. I did an interview for them. And it was actually a really good interview. And they quoted me accurately.

So I'm in December's Hustler, which is out today. Wow. So it's funny. I bought the Hustler for the first time probably in 15 years today. Why do magazines do that? Or December comes out in September? Don't know. That's so fucking stupid.

Why would we pretend? It's like new cars. It's a 2018. Well, how the fuck is that even possible since it's 2017, you monkeys? It's got to be something about the anticipation of getting it. It's almost like when a Halloween movie doesn't come out October 30th because you're sick of Halloween by then. So it comes out like, you know, say September 15th.

And then by the time Halloween comes, the movie's finished. You're like, ugh, fuck Halloween. No, but that makes sense, because they're not pretending it's Halloween. It's just a Halloween movie. Right. Like, they're pretending that's a December issue. But it's not December. But it's not.

Yeah, I don't know the thinking. They come out, like, way in advance. Usually a month before, but December, it is kind of silly. The new car thing is always weird because it's way ahead. Yeah. Six months. Yeah. Like six, six months before the year turns over, they're already saying that it's a 2018

model. Yeah. What? It's like it's 2017. It's April. What are you talking about? It's not the 2018 model. Yeah.

It's like, it's like tricks. You know, it's like when you buy something and it costs $9.99. Make it $10, you fuck. What is this? What is this penny stuff? They want to say under $10. Yeah. I don't understand if it just looks better with the $99 than the $10. I don't get it either.

It does for dumb people. Yeah. That's what it is. It's like you're appealing to people's mind. Like that little part of their mind is trying to save a little. I guess that's better. $9.99 is better. It sounds better. I don't know. I mean, comedians

have addressed the gas thing for years. There's a book about this. It's called Predictably Irrational. The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions. It came out about 10 years ago, maybe. Interesting. So it's playing on the irrational thoughts that we have about certain things.

Yeah, there's specific anecdotes about a Best Buy ad and why there's three washing machines, and they're really trying to get you to buy the middle one, but they have two other priced ones. It goes into things just like that all over different aspects of life. You know what my favorite ones are? When you're in Vegas and you see voted Best Buffet. Oh my God. Best 10 p.m. show. Like by who? Who voted for best buffet?

And if they did vote on it, why? Who are they? Do they have to leave the house? Like, where are you going? The fucking buffet vote is in 20 minutes. We're going to miss the buffet vote. Yeah. Who cares?

But there is good buffets and bad buffets, right? Like where's a good buffet in Vegas? Do you ever go to the buffets? I fucking love a good buffet. If you want the truth. A good buffet is vega do you ever go to the buffets i fucking love a good buffet if you want the truth is great it rules it's very nice the win hotel in vegas has a tremendous buffet well the win hotel's tremendous period i mean i've walked through it but i've never stayed there it's a phenomenal hotel it's like a very high-end place so it makes sense that their buffet would kick ass um in here in la they have a good one uh at the um the four seasons on sundays as i might have said delightful buffet yeah oh i've done the four seasons in And here in L.A., they have a good one at the Four Seasons on Sundays.

I might have said Delightful Buffet. Yeah. Oh, I've done the Four Seasons in Maui, and they have a breakfast buffet. Oh, what a great way to get fat. It is, right? Oh, it's tremendous. They make you waffles. They have the waffle thing right there.

Something about someone making you a waffle. Waffle. When they pour the waffle stuff into that little press and put it down, you're like, oh, I'm going to have a waffle when they pour the waffle stuff into that a little press you put it down You're like, oh, I'm gonna have a waffle. I'm just thinking right now about melting the butter on it Yeah, you know I did last time I Put peanut butter all over that motherfucker and then I put butter and then I put syrup. Oh, yeah I felt great for about 15 minutes and then afterwards I just like this But even you feel bad after that? Fucking terrible.

Wow. Like, as much as you work out, like, I'm surprised, like, you don't, because you burn through everything you eat. Yeah, but you know what it is, man? It has nothing to do with that. It's an insulin dump. Your body just hits, all that sugar hits your system, and your body's like, what the fuck is this? And it's actually probably worse for me because I don't do it very often. and it's actually probably worse for me because I don't do it very often.

Like if your body gets used to sugar, if you're drinking sugary sodas all day and you're eating white bread all day, and if your body gets used to processing that stuff, it has a better handle on what to do with it. Whereas with me, it only gets it every few days. So when it gets it, it's like, what the fuck is this? Especially like if I overload, like get crazy, eat like a banana split or something like that. Like, ah!

You feel it. Oh, yeah. I feel it hard. I'm bad in LA, though, with food. I fucking go out for sushi. And that yogurt stop on Santa Monica, it's my favorite place in the world. Is it Menchie's? No, it's called The Yogurt Stop.

Oh, okay. It's on Santa Monica. And I've been there four days. I've been in LA for four days. I've been there four times. I can't stop shoveling that shit in. It's my favorite fucking place. Why is it so good? I don't know man I've had yogurt that was just as good It just I'd always felt right to go out for the best sushi and then

Go down there and have some yogurt stop treat yourself little Jimmy you doing good with your life Well, you know, I was having a sad day Monday and literally like a fucking fat girl I got my ex-girlfriend who's's my best friend, and we went and got yogurt. I'm like, I'm really sad. I treated myself to a little yogurt. Why were you sad? I just go up and down. I'm just relationship nonsense.

I'm a fatalist. But you're doing great. I'm doing okay. Do you know how many people would fucking kill to be in your position? Successful touring, stand-up comedian, successful podcaster, successful radio personality, loved by all. Chip is a great podcaster. That's who the successful podcast in the Norton Empire is.

Yeah, the fucking thing that you do with Matt Serra. Matt Serra does well. You guys have the best MMA podcast in the world. Thank you. We have a lot of fun with that, man. Thank you. You do. It's great.

I love Matt. We talked about it last time. I love him, too. But it's one of those things where I know that, and I know that it's a fun gig, and I love But it's Yeah it's one of those things Where like I know that And I know that it's a fun gig Right And I love doing it But it's one of those things It's not about like feeling

Like I haven't been blessed Like show business Give me opportunities I fail But I'm not some Unlucky guy Oh gee They didn't give me a shot

They give me a million shots It's about being annoyed At yourself for certain things Right So it's not about like I get a good apartment I make money I am very lucky

But it's rational Like when you're feeling down You're like I'm shit So it's not a rational, I get a good apartment. I make money. I am very lucky, but it's, it's rational. Like when you're feeling down, you're like, oh, so it's not a rational thing. No, you can't, you can't turn it around with your mind. No, I'm too emotional. Like I react too emotionally, but the next day, like I've had a great week since then, you know, cause I mean, cause she and I talked and I realized I'm just being kind of fucking crazy.

Oh, you have a girlfriend's shit. Yeah. But I'm also not cheating. I don't know how to not cheat. So I'm not acting out. It's fucking crazy, man. Oh, so maybe part of your weirdness is dealing with the fact that you're not expressing your normal behavior patterns? Yeah, it's giving up a huge addiction.

I still look at porn and stuff, but not acting out, not having fucking girls. LA's a deadly city for me. Deadly. Oh, dude, I come out here, I'm fucking... Deadly pussy. Deadly pussy. Well, sometimes. You know, when I come out here, I got fucking... Deadly pussy. Deadly pussy. Well, sometimes. You know, when I'm out here, I'm a very fresh boy.

Very naughty. I behave better now. There's a whole ecosystem around that here, you know? There really is, man. A lot of gals that are loose with the sex, and they've decided to profit off of that. And they say, well, just have sex with some men and not have to work a job.

And some of them are literally just people I've known for a lot. They're like people you meet through the business. And they're just as dangerous because, and I mean for me, because they'll do anything. Because they like the fact that I'm open. So they're like, oh my God, guys think I'm crazy. So it's hard just not to be unfaithful. It's hard to not be fucking. And this is how mean fans are.

I've been talking about this for a week. I've been up and down. I've been sad. Then I'm great. And I'm just, you know, I don't have a girlfriend in six years. And I'm talking about it. And then one fan's like, oh, we get it. You got a girlfriend.

You're 49. You're being normal. It's like, Jesus, you fucking rotten toad. Can I talk about my life being healthy for one week before fans get sick of it well you're always gonna get one person who complains about everything yeah i can't really bother you no it's just like oh yeah you're gonna get that i mean and he's got a point too it's probably annoying to him which is why he said it but it was a she or she yeah well shut her mouth. The fuck do you know, bitch? I gave her a sarcastic apology.

I was like, sorry, I didn't mean to share something good. I'll only keep it negative. And she actually went back, it's all good. She believed the apology. Oh, that's hilarious. Well, there's a fake feud going on between me and Ari and Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura. And people, for whatever reason, think it's real. And so they're getting mad that I'm airing out our dirty laundry in public.

I couldn't be more obvious about how fake it is. I even wrote good day, sir, at the end of my letter with all caps. I mean, it's just, this is like the new thing. Pray for Joe. This is what it is. Bert Kreischer, our friend, good friend Bert is a fucking raging alcoholic. He certainly is. He drinks six doubles a night yeah he's drinking

12 drinks a night and I go are you serious he goes every night I go wow that is great I can't even imagine doing that like that's incredible so we said do you think you'd get sober he said yes okay so then someone said sober and run a marathon I was like stop you guys he's gonna die yeah because first of all

Bert likes to pretend he runs but he really only runs on a treadmill. And I'm like, that is not running. You're lifting your legs up and the thing's coming towards you. It's not the same. So now he started running on the real road and he's like barely getting in a couple miles and he takes a lot of breaks. He's not running any fucking marathons anytime soon.

And I'm certainly not saying that he could do one after a month. Yeah. Right. So we said, okay, how about no drinking for the entire month of October? And you got to do 15 hot yoga classes in a month, which is fucking hardcore. That's hardcore. I've done it. I love hot yoga, but it really does wear, it really wipes you out. It wipes you out, especially if you're not used to it and you don't drink enough water. You got to really be on the ball. So everybody agreed to that. And then a couple of fucking days ago,

they started saying, we're going to be totally sober. No weed. No alcohol. I go whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa First of all you fucks I'm only doing this to try to see if we can get Burt sober I don't need to not drink I can not drink for months It doesn't bother me like me taking a month off of booze doesn't bother me at all But me taking a month off a weed is like, how do you expect me to write? I use it to write. I use it to think about things. I use it to enjoy things.

I use it as a sacrament, almost. Do you ever think of trying a month without, knowing you're going to go back to it and that you're not doing it forever? I do think of it, but I don't want to be bullied by a welcher. Yeah, no, I don't believe you. See, Ari Shafir was supposed to, See, Bert and Tom had a fucking contest. And if they lost 25 pounds, Ari was supposed to take them on a trip to wherever they chose. And Tom wanted to go to Europe to watch a soccer game.

And Bert wanted to go to watch some crazy football game. And Ari completely welched on the bet. And then took off and went to Asia for four months. And left me holding the bat. Not only did he take off, he took off and went off the grid. And don't think the two aren't related, Shafir. I know what the fuck you're up to. You didn't feel any responsibility to pay that bet, you son of a bitch.

Anyway, I wound up getting them. What did I get them? Tickets to some basketball game that was important? It was a big game, right? So it was a big deal. Flew them out first class, the whole deal. Put them up in a nice hotel. Paid for everything. So I paid for it. And because they did actually lose the weight. And so they're like, we got to come up with a new test. And somehow or

another, I got involved and Ari got involved too. And they're trying to shame me into quitting pot. It's like, I stopped smoking pot all the time. When I go on vacation, I don't smoke pot for a week at a time. When I go anywhere where I'm, you know, if I'm in Europe for 10 days, I'm not smoking weed. It's not an addictive issue, but it's something that I enjoy. I could stop doing things that I enjoy.

But I, this sounds like an addict saying this, I don't have a problem with it, but I really don't have a problem with it. I like it. I like pot. I'm not willing to not do it for an alcoholic friend and a welcher. And then Tom Segura, who's dressing up like a medicine man lately, like what the fuck is he doing? He's wearing, he's wearing some crazy Steven Seagal outfit. He's got wooden beads on and shit and some crazy hat. Are they loose fitting clothes?

What he's wearing? Yeah. Are you putting weight back on? No. Oh, okay, good. No, he's in tremendous shape. Oh, good for Tom. Tom lost the weight and kept the weight off because Tom is like really disciplined, you

know, which is why he just did another Netflix special. In like three and a half, four years, he's done three Netflix specials. Oh my God. Yeah. He's an animal. There he is. Look at his hat. His fucking hat.

Jesus Christ. Wow. Nice beard too. Good frosting in the beard. Nice and trim. He looks good. I love it. But he's fucking healthy. Look how thin his face is. But look at the picture above that. Look Christ. Wow. Nice beard, too. Good frosting in the beard. Nice and trim. He looks good. I love it. But he's fucking healthy.

Look how thin his face is. But look at the picture above that. Look at above that. That one. See that? Look at his fucking outfit. Wow. Oh my god. Look at all the beads. The feathers and shit. Who does he look like? Who does that outfit look like? I've seen that before. It's photoshopped, I'm sure. No, no, but I mean

what is that outfit from? It looks like, who dresses like that? It's like Seagal. It looks like Steven Seagal to me. There's smoke in the back. It could be like some Buddhist monk or something like that. But these motherfuckers are trying to shame me into quitting weed. It's not happening, boys. In fact, I'm going to get high every day in October. You haven't thought of trying it just for a month to see how, if it gets weird for you, you might get some really good shit out of it. I could. Yeah, I mean, I would.

But maybe another month. Maybe I'll do it in November. November. But this month, they can suck my dick. I'm going to get high every day. You won't be shamed into it. You'll do it when you want to do it. I'll do it if I want to do it.

Yeah. And if I really had an issue, if I'm like, man, I can't get a day without. If I felt like I was reaching for it to do things. Like, I haven't smoked pot today. I went running about to a podcast I like to smoke a little weed before a podcast but nothing today nothing zero no issues yeah I think it would affect me differently I've used you as a good example of a guy like you you function well like you smoke pot and you do jiu-jitsu like I didn't do that well a lot of people that do jiu-jitsu smoke

pot it's it's huge in the jiu-jitsu community you would think like a lot of people have a jujitsu smoke pot. It's huge in the jujitsu community. You would think like a lot of people have a misconception in jujitsu where they think of it as being a bunch of like really aggressive, mean guys that are like attacking each other. But it's more much more a bunch of like really smart, analytical, stoner, sensitive, nerd type characters who are also like very strong. Right. Because they do juiu-jitsu all the time. Or if they lift weights and get in really good shape, a lot of those guys, it's because of jiu-jitsu.

And then, of course, there's people that come to it from football or wrestling or something like that. They have a different attitude. But a lot of times, they fall into a jiu-jitsu mindset, which is a very relaxed, friendly mindset. Jiu-jitsu people are super friendly. Very affectionate, too. Yeah.

All the guys I've met met very huggy and friendly And it's I've noticed a lot of like combat athletes are like that, but there's a gentleness to it like we Bernard Hopkins I've talked to a lot and when you he sits right next to you and literally he's a speed invade your space Yeah, but it doesn't feel menacing or fucking weird. It feels like almost like he's just an affectionate gentle guy It's an odd feel you how you get energy from people? It just doesn't feel uncomfortable. Well, you know with a guy like Bernard, he's so confident in himself. He doesn't exude any insecurities or weirdness.

I mean, he's an all-time great, period. There's not a single human being that knows boxing that would argue that Bernard Hopkins is an all-time great. I remember when he fought Tito Trinidad. Did you ever see that fight? No. He fought Felix Trinidad, and I believe he was 36 at the time, and Trinidad was in his prime, and everybody really thought

that Trinidad was going to run him over. And he beat the fucking shit out of Trinidad. And it was a weird, controversial fight because he was in Puerto Rico, and he took the Puerto Rican flag and threw it on the ground, and everybody went crazy. Wow. He wanted to kill him. Yeah.

He wanted to get inside Trinidad's head and get him to try to brawl with him. And he did. Bernard picked him apart. Wow. He picked him apart and fucked him up. And then years later, when people wrote him off again, he fought Kelly Pavlik. And this is after Kelly Pavlik had knocked out Jermaine Stewart.

And he was thought to be, like, the guy. And everybody was like, Kelly Pavlik's going to fuck up Bernard Hopkins. And Bernard Hopkins beat the shit out of him, too. Who finally knocked him? What was his last fight, though, when he lost? Joe Smith. He was 51. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure he was either

50 or 51. He wanted to be 50. I think he had fought 49 fights or whatever. No, no, he wanted to fight when he was 50. He wanted to fight Mayweather for his 50th fight. That was, I remember him talking about that right before he turned 50. Really wanted to fight Mayweather for his 50th fight. I remember him talking about that right before he turned 50. Really? Yep.

Mayweather would never fight him. He's so much bigger. Yeah, I guess he was talking about cutting weight, or maybe he was just saying that. But he talked about fighting Floyd. Maybe Floyd coming up and him going down. Boy, if I was Floyd, I'd say, fuck that. Floyd probably did, because he never fought him. But I think that he was talking about that when he was 49.

Yeah, because Floyd is a tiny man. Yeah. I mean, Floyd is a tiny man. Yeah. I mean, Floyd is a natural 147-pound fighter. Like, when he weighed in for the fight with Conor, he weighed 149. And Bernard was fighting 175. It's just so much larger. Yeah, maybe he was talking about it coming down.

I don't remember the conversation, but obviously they would have had to, you know, have a catchphrase. He fought this guy, Joe Smith Jr., who's a young guy who's a murderous puncher, and he just got fucked up and knocked through the ropes and he fell on his head It was horrible. Yeah. Yeah, but he had such a great he was bound to get you know He had to go down sooner or later, but yeah I just don't like a nice dude, and I love guys like that who don't try to give off Just that shitty energy, and I don't think i've ever gotten that energy off of fighters well you won't get it off the successful ones because to get successful you want to have as few things that are in your way that are cumbersome as possible few ego issues and as few uh distorted perceptions of reality as possible in order to weave your way through to the top. Yeah.

I mean, there's exceptions to that where you have phenomenal physical specimens that are incredibly dedicated and dealing with a lot of demons like Tyson in his prime. But I don't know if that would work in MMA the same way it worked in boxing. I just don't know with all the variables in boxing. With Tyson, or in MMA rather, with Tyson in his prime, he could just wade towards guys, bob and weave and throw bombs and figure out a way to just smash them. He was just so much faster than everybody and he hit so hard. Yeah, and they were afraid of him. Yeah.

But I wonder if you're ever going to see that kind of person dominate the way Tyson did as a MMA fighter. Like, I just don't know. And it's weird. I never care what their face looks like when they walk into the ring. Like, you know, when you watch fighting, you're like, oh, God, he looks frightening. But you pointed it out, and he chews gum, and he's steep amniotic when he walks in. He couldn't look happier. Oh, he's so calm.

Jose Aldo won't look the guy in the eye. He looks like he's terrified. He's just kind of looking down and being humble. You know, none of that stuff seems to work with those guys because every one of them knows there's so many ways to lose. I don't know what it is, but they don't seem to try that shit with each other like boxers. Some guys do.

It was a big thing with Vanderlei Silva. Vanderlei used to stare guys down big time, you know, and Mirko Krokop and him had, like, the greatest stare down in the history of Pride. They're just both staring at each other. It was super intense. I remember, by the way, Mirko, when you and him had the greatest stare down in the history of Pride. They were just both staring at each other. It was super intense. I remember, by the way, Mirko, when you were talking about his stare, that's probably whatever year he came over to UFC.

Was it 2008 or 2007? You were on our show on KROQ, and you were talking about this guy, Mirko Krokop, coming over and his fucking stare, and we were watching his stare down. Look at this. This is Mirko versus Wernherle. Wernherle used to intimidate everybody, but Mirko was the head of an anti-terrorist squadron in Croatia.

Oof. He didn't give a fuck, and he was a world-class kickboxer. Like, look how fucking intense this is. Completely, he's completely unintimidated by that stare. Yeah, and he beat the holy shit out of Vanderlei. He was the first guy to really flatline Vanderlei. He head kicked him into a coma. Wow. Yeah, just blam! It was the second guy to really flatline Vandele. He head kicked him into a coma.

Wow. Yeah, just blam! It was the second time they fought. The first time they fought was his first MMA fight, and they had all these weird wacky rules, like they could only be on the ground for 30 seconds, and they had to stand the back up. In pride? Yeah. Mirko wasn't really doing MMA. I mean, he was sort of training in MMA,

but Vandele was a champion. I mean, Vandele was a world-class fighter, and so they had some sort of a weird arrangement. And the arrangement was like limited amount of time on the ground and a bunch of other wacky rules. Who won that first fight? It was a draw. Because if no one finished anyone, that was the other thing. And nobody finished anybody, they decided that it was gonna be a draw. And the rounds were, were they 10-minute rounds? anybody then decided that it was going to be a draw. And the rounds were, were they 10-minute rounds? Well, back then they were 10-minute first rounds, and then you'd have a 5-minute second round and a 5-minute third round if it was a championship fight.

But I think with Vanderlei and him, they shortened the rounds as well. I don't remember the whole deal. But then the second time they fought, it was a legit pride MMA fight. And Mirko had already fought a bunch of pride fights and really got into the groove and it become like one of the best heavyweights alive and he just beat the shit out of that one i've never seen that stare down that was really intense intense that's that was an intimidating yeah that's merco in his prime because he's not moving yeah not moving yeah but that you're right if you're dealing with the you're the head of an anti-terrorist uh uh yeah

police group i guess or police group could i've sounded more like a fucking like my niece the head of an anti-police but if you're like an anti-terrorism cop i mean that's the face you have i mean you have to get information out of people well he's most likely seen a lot of people die you think yeah yeah croatia is a hard place man i mean mean, he's a hard man in a hard place. And on top of being like a soldier, he was, you know, one of the best kickboxers alive. Before he went into MMA. So. Yeah.

I've never seen any of his old fights. Oh, man. He was amazing. He was very good as a kickboxer, but really came into his own as a MMA fighter. Because his style of kickboxing was uniquely effective in MMA because he was very explosive and fast, whereas some guys would be more methodical or technical, like Ernesto Hoost or Peter Ertz or some of these other guys.

They would stand in front of guys more and just pick their shots better. Mirko would just blast you with like one or two single shots. But that was way more effective in MMA, like the explosive, really fast style. Yeah, I would like to see Wonderboy, one of his kickboxing fights. He was like 57 and always a kickboxer. I never watched him kickbox. There's a lot online. You can see him online.

I should do that online because God knows what I'm doing is not helping me. You're beating off stuff? I'm trying not to as much. But it's like there's so many fun things to watch. I've been jerking off during the day because it's so ritualistic for me that when I jerk off during the day, I'm like, ah, okay, I can be a person. And I don't have to think about that for the rest of the day. Wow. It really helps my day go much more productively.

Have you ever thought of meditating? Do you meditate at all? No. I get it. Like, you know, before we started, Joe pointed out, he's like, you always have an issue. And he's right. And for me, it'll be an itch. Well, you were talking about some new issue.

Yeah, my throat. But I've had that for years, where certain foods fuck me up. That happens to me, too, though. Pot does that, for sure. Really? Yeah. If I smoke too much weed before a show, I get phlegmy. I think it's a combination of maybe coffee and eggs.

Like the eggs, I think, do it. I went to like one of these alternative doctors. I thought maybe my adrenal glands were fucked up. So he's like, well, you got to cut out the eggs or cut out the coffee. And I can't stop with the coffee. Fruit's good for like before a show, like apples. You know, certain fruit fucks me. I went around the corner, I had a nice veggie thing, a pure vegetable juice.

By the way, celery in a fucking vegetable juice blows, because it just dominates the entire juice. I hate it. It's great for cleaning out your system, though. Is it really good for you? Oh, it throws your fucking pipes free. Oh, okay. Yeah, celery juice is one of the best juices if you have to take a shit. You know, I've been constipated because I've been on a new medication that's supposed to cause diarrhea, but I have not been shitting.

What are you on a medication for? It's called PrEP, so you don't get HIV, and I'm negative. Jesus Christ. I know, but I don't even really need it now because I'm in a fucking relationship. But I started to take it. I'm like, I'm just going to be smart because I'm a fucking pervert. How is that smart to take a medication like that? Like, aren't there like AIDS medications now,

HIV medications that like completely stop it from- There are, but you don't want to have it. I don't want to get it. Yeah, I don't want to get it. I mean, I have to go in. I'm only taking it for a little while and I'm probably going to stop because I'm in a relationship

and I got to go for, they want you to be tested after a month and make sure that your blood is okay, liver is okay your kidneys they want to like look you over yeah get off that shit is it bad for you I just gotta imagine it is anything that I mean anything that gives you diarrhea well it's only for a few days but it didn't give it to me it literally stopped me from shitting but it gave you constipation it did yeah it did it can't be good yeah I just uh I mean, isn't that a thing with like Vicodin and

a lot of those painkillers that gives you constipation? Yeah, I've only taken Vicodin once after I had my sinuses fixed. But the prep I took, and I don't have any more of them, and I'm like, I'm gonna go back and see the guy, and I don't even know if I'm gonna do it again. Don't take that shit. At one point I was being crazy, so I'm like, I just want

to make sure I don't get that. Yeah. You know, I would rather have some kind of a, because I knew I wouldn't be on it forever. Right. But I'm like, while I'm fucking acting like an ass, let me at least. One of the podcast episodes that I took the most amount of heat for early in the day was I did a podcast with a guy named Peter Duesberg. He's a biologist out of the University of California, Berkeley. And he's a very respected biologist. He's done a lot of great work on cancer,

but he's got a very controversial take on HIV. And he does not believe that HIV causes AIDS. He thinks that HIV is evidence of a weak immune system. Excuse me. And he thinks that when people have hiv it's because their immune system is compromised it's not that hiv compromises their immune system oh okay and he feels like all these people that are catching aids and getting uh hiv what's happening is they're doing a lot of party drugs they're doing amyl nitrate and crystal meth. And that's very, very prevalent inside the gay community. You know, gay guys party a ton, right? And they're, they're doing a lot of drugs. And he points to the high correlation between all these people doing these party drugs and HIV.

His work is widely criticized amongst legitimate scientists. And most people just do not agree with him. And they say that the, um, the connection between HIV and AIDS is rock solid and undeniable. But he thinks it's not. And boy, do people get mad at me about that one. I'm just talking to this fucking guy who's a biologist at the University of California, Berkeley. I mean, I'm figuring this guy's a legit scientist, but he can't get funding for anything. He's essentially a black ball from the academic community. And it was really weird talking to him. It's like, has anybody debated you? And he's like,

no, no one will debate me. You know, is it almost like, what about Arthur Ashe? Or is he saying that a direct injection into the bloodstream will give it to you? How does he explain those? Well, I don't know what Arthur Ashe was doing, but what he was saying essentially was that- Transfusion, I think you got it. One of the things about HIV was if you got HIV, Arthur Ashe got a transfusion for what reason, though? Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure. I think he had something wrong, right?

What he's saying is that when your immune system is compromised, that's when HIV shows itself. That HIV is a very weak virus, and that it only shows up in the immune systems of people that are compromised. Okay. And that... Is he saying we all have it, or you can catch it? No, he's not saying we all have it, but he's saying you can catch it, but he's saying the evidence of it is only in people that have a weakened immune system.

Again, this is not something I believe, ladies and gentlemen. Don't get mad at me. I'm just saying what he said. Because then you have kids like Ryan White, where there's a million different cases of people who obviously were who got it in very weird ways, or again, through blood transfusions,

or they were born with it. Well, here it says, Arthur Ash says he believed he contracted HIV. The virus has caused his AIDS through a transfusion of tainted blood during his second round of heart bypass surgery in 1983. First learned of his infection. Now, here's the other issue that Peter Duesberg was saying, was that what they were giving people when they first tested positive for HIV was AZT. And that

AZT is a medication they used to use for chemotherapy, but they stopped using it for chemotherapy because it was killing people quicker than cancer was killing people I mean it was just a brutal brutal drug and they had a bunch of it in his mind They had a bunch of it laying around after that and they decided to try to use it on AIDS patients And they started re and re and you know reintroducing it I want you and you wonder now and I guess the conspiracy thing is like the Pharmaceutical had all these drugs that they wanted to get rid of and needed or did they think that, hey, they were just trying

to do something? Who knows? I mean obviously it wasn't the smart thing to do because they don't use it anymore and it didn't help people. AZT did not help people with AIDS. I mean, people that took AZT died. A lot of them. Shitload of them. And AIDS back then was essentially a death sentence.

But there was a lot of people that didn't do anything that got AIDS that got HIV and never got AIDS they just took care of their body and took a holistic approach and use nutrition and I just think it's super controversial like anything else I mean there's people that get cancer and don't die there they get cured of it sure but then there's people get cancer and it ravages her system and kills them so I Steve Jobs I mean he listened to people I think he didn't try like alternative met like Steve Jobs should still be alive He had like they said a pretty curable form of cancer if you had pancreatic

No, I thought I thought his was they said a fairly curable one That he had listened to his friends and tried to go so holistic and they said if he had gone and just had it treated He probably would have survived it. Well, there's probably a lot of that going on. There's always a lot of fucking wacky people with their wacky ideas about holistic medicine. Dude, I saw a guy do a TED Talk on basically saying strawberries are really good because

they cause their anti-angiogenesis or something, which is about it stops the production of new blood vessels, and that's what feeds cancer. he had this He literally had me convinced you could eat fucking strawberries and I get cancer in large quantities So I mean if you hear somebody talk who really knows what they're talking about even if they're wrong Right a lot of people are convinced by well

That's one of the problems with like YouTube videos right where people have wacky conspiracy theories as long as they speak with big words I say things in complete sentences, and they sound Articulate you start to believe them. The one thing that has been proven to be effective with cancer, some forms of cancer, is ketogenic diets, diets where you're fat-based, where you eat a lot of avocados and coconut oil and your body burns those rather than glucose. And some cancers feed off sugar.

glucose and some cancers feed off sugar so to starve them you you go on a very low sugar diet and a very high fat diet and apparently there's real science that shows that there's some benefits to that but so it's only certain kind of cancer certain kind of cancers it doesn't affect at all certain kind of brain cancers doesn't affect at all you doesn't matter what the fuck you do you better go to a doctor yeah I mean you can do both I mean, why not just go to the doctor and try some of that? Like have an avocado while you're in the fucking hospital. You have to choose. What were you about to say, Jamie? When I just Googled on the Steve Jobs thing, both of you are actually correct from what I just found. He had pancreatic cancer, but he also could have been saved potentially.

But then this next thing also says that he lived for 20 years with it. He didn't have chemo or radiation. They suezed a pancreatic and died within 18 months. Oh, they're saying that the treatment killed him. I don't know. Or there are different kinds of pancreatic cancers. Isn't it like there's

Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. One is worse than the other? Put that back up, please. Jesus Christ. It said Steve lived for 20 years with his cancer It seems he did not have chemotherapy or radiation treatment at all the Hollywood actress pet who's answering this this what is this? This is a bullshit see by the way. I'll go up there right there Walter Isaacson. He's writing a Steve Jobs biography He told 60 minutes that Steve refused what could have been potentially a life-saving surgery Mmm, but he did have more than one surgery, right? Didn't he have his liver?

Replaced or his I feel like he had a liver transplant What is that makes a guy not want a surgery that might work like do people become delusional in that they're that? Or are they afraid of the surgery? Are they willing just to die like fucking Zappa hated going to the doctor and he died when he was 56. What was wrong with Zappa when he died? I think it was a cancer. I want to see if it was colon cancer or prostate. The surgeon who gave Steve Jobs a new liver in two more years faces new questions.

That's 2013. What does it say? It says he bought the Memphis house for a job at Convalest. What? I don't know. He later bought the Memphis house for Jobs convalesced. What? I don't know. He later bought the Memphis house. Ew. He bought the house where Steve Jobs was living?

Yeah, they said the guy who was treating George Harrison brought him a guitar to sign while he was in the fucking hospital. Hey, sign this real quick before you die. Revelation came at the end of the Southern Transplant. Mark, say that name. Perusque. Perusque. Wait. came at the end of the southern transplant mark boo boo boo say that name perusqui pera pera pera wait pera peresquia peresquia peresquia peresquia peresquia front page story perusquia r-r-u-s-q-u-i-a perusquia uh front page story thursday in the memphis commercial advocate um peace paints a vivid picture of the life-saving operation, although it takes most of the details about Jobs from the Walter Isaacson biography, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So what is the question? How did Jobs move to the top of the list? Oh, it's one of those things. It's like Frank Underwood in the fucking, yeah. Why don't he probably pay somebody? Jesus, how the fuck do you think he got to the top of the list? When you have $50 billion, you can move around. Yeah, when the way you're email Jesus how the fuck do you think he got to the top of the list? Yeah, when you have 50 billion dollars you can move around Yeah

When the way you're emailing is because of something you've invented you probably get to the fucking top of the list fast You know wonder what killed his liver wonder if it was medication Like medication for I know a friend who just died from pancreatic cancer, and he had it for quite a few years I met him I Met him in 2014 and he already had it and quite a few years. I met him in 2014 and he already had it and he just died. It says he once refused

Tim Cook's liver transplant offer because he has the same rare blood type as him. Whoa, Tim Cook would have given Steve Jobs a chunk of liver? Boy, that's intense. And then he winds up taking over the company? Yeah, what a good boss he must have been. Yeah.

If you want to give your boss your liver. I wouldn't give my boss a hat. Yeah, could you? I guess, obviously, they were good friends. But could you imagine? That's intense, man. Your liver is something that regenerates. Hospital where Jobs received transplant was given $40 million by him.

Well, that's how you do it. Yeah, I guess he was appreciative. He paid a lot for it. Yeah. Look, that's how you get to the front of the line. What, do you think lines are supposed to be fair, you fucks? There's a way to cut. Yeah.

$40 million you can cut. Yeah, if you give some money to the hospital, it's probably going to save a shitload of lives. We went to, before we came here, my radio agent had cancer. He was like 64 or 65. He was not that old. And he had a cancer of, I think, the lymph nodes. And he fucking was getting a little bit better we thought, and then went in for surgery

for someone else. Do you think there's a correlation between these people and these super high-stress jobs like agents? It can because I know Bob was not a stressed guy, though, unless he swallowed all of it. He was a very calm guy. Like, literally, he was gentle. And he gave you bad news

gently, but firmly. He was a very, very unique guy. He was a gentle and he gave you bad news gently, but firmly He was a very very unique guy He was not stressed unless he swallowed it and never showed it, but he seemed like a very Zen guy And it was something with his went in for a breathing thing and just died I guess enough was on the table, and I don't have the details fuck man, but yeah, he was not that old I mean it was like you know 64 when you're I'm 49 So you just someone 64 you'll that's fucking that's a Graspable age. I wonder like, you know, obviously There's so many different factors that play into like the lifespan the difference between life spans today

Lifespan is a hundred years ago 200 years ago. Yeah, and obviously there's been some big advances in medicine But I wonder like how much our diet plays on the amount of cancer. I mean, it's got to have a huge factor. All the sugar, all the bullshit people eat, all the preservatives, smoking, pollution. They say that just living in a city can take up to 10 years off your life. That's also probably, it's probably the air and it's probably The stress too Because people in the city Are just Are stressed Yeah I'm sure all that stuff

Goes into it I mean we try to avoid it But I try to eat healthy Like grilled chicken You know what I never Took into consideration Until just a couple years ago I read an article

On the effects of brake dust Like when you're around A high population area And people are constantly Hitting their brakes Really Yeah When you're in traffic all the time,

those brakes, when you, you know, you ever clean your wheels and you get that brake shit all over your wheels. Sure. That stuff's in the air. That black sooty shit, that shit gets in the air.

And if you're in a place like, say if you're in Manhattan and you got like a, you know, second floor walk up, your windows open, you're just taking in break dust. You're breathing that in all the time. You'll wipe it off your fucking furniture and shit. You'll see it on your table.

It's something you never, no one ever thinks of either. Like I've never heard anyone discuss break dust, but it is something that's all over the place. Well, we find dust back there, Jamie. Like what is that dust that we keep finding back there? It's all black. Yeah, it's probably just like LA dirt, soot, because it's dry and dusty around here. But it's black. I see it in my house, too, in Hollywood.

Right. But back there, it's weird, because we have a closed garage door. It just comes in under the air or whatever. Yeah. We have this workout equipment, and when we wipe the workout equipment, if we go back there right now and put a wet paper towel to that reverse hyper machine, the top of it, it's all black. Yeah.

Like, black dust. Wait, there's stuff behind that? Yeah, there's a whole warehouse back there. Dude, as many times I've been in this room, I thought this was the entire room. No. I had no idea. What a cool fucking sectional that is. God damn it.

Yeah, there's a room back there, and there's another room behind it. Oh, okay. Scientists find new ways, they're free ways of trying to kill you. What is it saying? That the artery thickening. Yeah, artery thickening progressing twice the average in people living within 100 meters of a freeway. The connection between particulate matter and artery thickening were statistically significant for some groups. Yeah, that's what they're talking about.

That's brake dust and shit that's coming out of exhaust pipes. That's brake dust and shit that's coming out of exhaust pipes. According to LA Times, 1.5 million people live within 300 meters of a freeway in the LA basin. Last year, we found out that the freeway pollution travels much further than that, as much as 2,500 meters from the source. Fuck all that. Now, I wonder if it's the same in Manhattan. I'm sure it is, or maybe because you probably have a lot less cars going by your street in Manhattan than you do there. 2,500 meters is far.

How far is that in like feet or miles? Is that a mile? A little over a mile. A little over a mile. A mile. Yeah, because a kilometer, that's two and a half kilometers. That's fucked, man. Everybody a mile from the highway is getting poisoned. Jesus.

You hope it, but how old is that study and is it still happening as much? Like, are brakes made any better now than they were a few years ago? It's the same thing. No, they're the same thing. That's 2010. Brakes are the same.

I mean, there's no different. They're the same fucking things they've always had. These pads, they press down, they wear out. You got to replace them. And when they're wearing out, they're grinding down. That powder isn't going anywhere. Right. Someone should probably figure out a way

How to contain that I mean it seems like? What we're doing now is it just it just goes out into the atmosphere Maybe they should be like contained like where the powder the brakes would work the same way But the powder would have to be like sucked up sucks Yeah into some sort of a pouch or something you have to change it like a filter how long would you have to change it probably all the time? But that seems like that would be like a real viable alternative like some sort of encased break thing You know I mean that doesn't seem like outside of the realm of engineering Well can they make the brakes if that sounds unfeasible can they make the brakes out of something?

That's actually just not as bad for you Is there anything they can do that might be a little bit of a fix? Well, I think anything you breathe, if you breathe in sawdust, it sucks for you. It's a particulate matter. You're taking in things and you're taking in a certain kind of dust into your lungs and it becomes an irritant.

It's just not good. Not good, Jamie. Wow. I'm sad. I'm sad for all those people that live near the highway. Well, they live near the highway, and I have my lifestyle, so I guess we're all going to fucking drop dead a little earlier than we should. Listen, you don't have HIV. No. Keep a rubber on.

You're going to be fine. I can't. Don't let anybody come in your butt, and everything's going to be okay. This is fucking, what a party killer. I know. I've got a lot of rules. But, no, condoms, no, I can't wear them. Oh, well, that's going to be a problem.

It's definitely a problem. my fucking dick shrivels How many guys have gotten AIDS from regular sex though? Probably very few Very few Everybody should have it I'm sure it's somehow physically possible But you probably have to have so many things lined up To get it from fucking a pussy

Or even fucking an ass You have to have so many things lined up I'm sure it can happen though. Yeah. Well, it's, it's the issue is it has to get into your body, but I know that people get sick all the time from having a cut and then getting someone's

blood in their cut. Like that's happened to people in hospitals that have done surgery and like cut their finger while they're doing it and they get infected by the blood of someone else. That's, that's common. Right, so if you have a little cut on your dick. I remember when I had that, I've told this story on my HBO special,

I had a threesome with Ron Jeremy after the porn awards. Hey! Yeah, it was fun. It didn't feel necessarily sexy, but it was fun. Sexy. Yeah, it was just like a... Weird way to put it. Yeah, it was a goof.

It was like a girl and he's fucking her. So he went into the bathroom. He was fucking one girl and he fucked another one. I remember he put rubbing alcohol around his dick. And I don't know if that's that good for you, but I think he was doing it to make sure he didn't have a cut. Or he did that before he fucked her. I think to make sure it was... Rubbing alcohol. Yeah, or something.

To make sure that it was clean and there were no cuts. That is so hardcore. It is, but his dick has probably seen a lot of action and it might be a way to keep things off it. If that guy doesn't have AIDS, who the fuck is getting AIDS? Yeah. You know? I'm not lucky though. Think about that. that you're not lucky i'm not a lucky guy she's pretty lucky terrible cards yeah i mean think about that if that guy doesn't have aids fuck yeah i mean i do realize i've rolled the dice way too many times and i'm like i'm lucky now i'm really grateful

like a fuck man you just stop well it's also your uh you know i just think it's harder to get like for a man than it is for a woman it seems like unless again you let somebody come in your butt yeah that can be harder i think it's harder to get but i know what am i a doctor no but you're right i think it is hard it's harder people are like i'm about to go fuck without a rubber right now because rogan says so no but, but I think you're right. It probably is harder to get unless you have a cut on your dick and she has a cut in her pussy and they happen to just go airtight against each other. I mean, come on. Yeah, for a woman, you've got to think everything's exposed, right?

All that area inside their vagina is all open tissue, right? It's all absorbing. They have the worst situation. They do. It's the worst setup. But I think the air, I was told years ago by a woman who worked in the health field that it's such, it is such a delicate virus that if you, like she's like a blowjob you won't even get it from. She's like

because your stomach kills the semen. She's like you can't even get it from a blowjob. Which I don't know how true that is, but she told me that fucking, she lived in Elkton, Maryland. I remember she was a really cute girl I met at a road gig. And I remember the fucking town she lived in. And she was telling you this before she blew you? And after.

Don't worry about it. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Stomach acids. Watch. Glug, glug, glug. Yeah, she was really... She was a wonderful health practitioner.

She fucking drained about a gallon of seeds and told me we're all going to be fine. Elkton, Maryland. Good girl. Isn't it crazy, though, that so many diseases kill people from sex? Yeah. I mean, syphilis, gonorrhea, those get fatal without, you know, like that's, isn't syphilis what killed Al Capone? I think so, yeah.

I believe he even did. But in the 20s, there was nothing they could do for it, right? Right. Yeah. But I mean, it's just amazing that untreated, so many diseases. I mean, think about how few things other than, like, severely compromised immune systems that get hit by the flu. You know, the people that die from the flu. Usually it's old people or young people, really young people that are kind of frail.

They wind up getting sick and dying from common colds and things along those lines. But most people, they get better from it. Can you imagine shooting cancer out of your dick if that was like fucking, that would be, like that's where we'd have a problem. If you could give somebody cancer sexually, and I know they say oral sex and throat cancer is possible. Well, HPV, right?

Yeah. Human papillomavirus can give some women ovarian cancer. Yeah, or you can get it in your throat if they have it from eating pussy. Well, isn't that what the Michael Douglas thing was? They said that, man. Fucking Catherine Zeta-Jones put the kibosh on that rumor. She was like, not true. Plus, we're getting a divorce. Oh, yeah, man.

She must have been when he went out and started talking about that and everyone's looking at her pussy. That must have been so annoying. Yeah, Michael throat cancer and oral sex. Photo of him. I get it if you Google throat cancer and oral sex, Michael Douglas comes up. Yeah, that's got to be a bummer yeah it's not he probably should have kept his mouth shut about that but she was like

it correct me if i'm wrong but wasn't she suffering from like some serious mental illness like some some ruthless bipolar type shit oh i don't know yeah i think katherine zeta jones is like pretty open about mental illness i I didn't know she was. It's not surprising that somebody that hot, there's always a price to pay. You date someone that beautiful. Is that her now? Her private struggle. Catherine Zeta-Jones bipolar disorder.

Well, you know it's true because it's in people celebrity. Yeah. They always get to the bottom of things. Yeah, she's too hot. That's the problem. Nature just gives her a fucking curveball. Oh, you want to be hot? How about a little crazy to go that hot?

You're going to be this beautiful, and you're going to want to hang yourself during a Sanka commercial. There you go. Fucking take those. She says, I torture my husband. Had a tough few years from her husband's cancer to her own public battle with bipolar disorder. Now the Hollywood star is back with a new film. Not really new. It's an old article.

Because she's kind of vanished off the face of the map Yeah, you gotta wonder like when people there's I was looking at some pictures the other day of Some movie star that I forgot who his name was but he was like in a ton of movies and then oh The guy that was in platoon with the scars all over his face Tom Berringer Tom Berringer and then just vanished You know what he kind kind of did, man. And I don't know why. He did a movie about being a school teacher. There's nothing worse than the white school teacher in the black school.

We get it. We get it. You're rescuing them. Fucking Hollywood assholes. Those movies are the worst. Michelle Pfeiffer. And how great was she in Dangerous Minds? Remember when Gangster's Paradise was the theme song?

And she was going to go in there with that bad accent. And it was funny because this is white people feeling like their music was getting lame. Where I think it was Bob Dylan lyrics she was teaching the young ruffians with. That's like desperate white people wanting to go like, look, black guys, our stuff's cool. And they read the lyrics. They're like, oh, shit, these are troubled times. Oh, fucking terrible. Like a rock.

I was strong as I could be. That's what it is. Can we check that if it was Bob Dylan songs? Never shoot a homeboy. Oh my God. She wrote that down on a, who should you shoot? Catherine or Michelle? Her fucking hair, though.

She looks like Gilbert Grape with that hair, too. She was really hot, but not in that one. Yeah, and she had a leather jacket on. The show, she was hard, core. Even indoors, she wears her leather jacket. She was not, her accent was not good. Gangster. What was the accent in that?

It was Southern, but it kind of went back and forth. I don't know if she was from Tennessee or fucking Boston. That's the worst. I think they make a decision. One day, the first day of shooting is 40 minutes into the film. 40 minutes deep into the movie, that's the first day of shooting. And then they the film and 40 minutes off, you know deep into the movie That's the first day of shooting and then they start Somewhere else they change the accent and it just changes by the time they get to 40 minutes in the movie picture of her with

Coolio look at that. Yeah. Well, that's a good one Coolio one fear factor. Did he really yeah, and he was so high I Mean so high I would open up his trailer door and just get a fucking ferocious contact high just from opening the door. I was like, what? Fascinating guy.

I did whatchamacallit. Mark Maron had a show called Nevermind the Buzzcocks, and one of the guests on there was Coolio, and I did it with Wonder Mike from the Sugarhill Gang. Coolio. Nevermind the Buzzcocks? Yeah, Mark Maron. It was a British show and then Mark Maron hosted it here in like 2000. And he was one of the guests.

And he loved me. We had so much fun. And I saw him years later and he had no memory that we'd ever met. So he did seem a bit high. I was like, did he love me? He literally, and I told him, he literally got on his knees

and was bowing to me because I said something fucked up so he was just enjoying it. So I'm like, the guy will definitely remember me. It's like fucking dumb slick Rick. I brought him on stage at the Comedy Cell one time. We took a photo together.

I saw him years later in the airport. Nothing. Like, how do you not remember being brought on stage from the audience? If I was watching a show and they brought me up on stage, Manny was like,

but do a picture. I think a lot of those guys they meet so many people that their hard drive is just constantly full. They're just constantly deleting files. Which is understandable. It was just the circumstances that were weird.

Right. Not the fact that it was me. I've interviewed people, and they don't remember me, but I get that because I've done radio shows, and I don't know who the fuck you are 10 minutes later. There you go. Oh, yeah, yeah. You and Slick Rick at the Cellar. It's one of my favorite photos in history.

He was in the audience, and none of the comedians would talk to him. I was going to. I was told I loved him. And I'm like, I'm taking a photo with you after the show. And Manny, the owner, was in there. And he goes, do it now! Manny was so great. And so fucking Rick came on stage.

Did he get shot in the eye or something? I don't know how his eye. I believe he got shot or he did something that was in a children's story. Like there was something similar in his real life when he went to jail. Like that rap of children's story. But i don't know exactly how his eye went i thought maybe i thought he had an interesting story for that but maybe he didn't i interviewed coolio before he won fear factor and the last stunt that he won he was telling me that this is already over he's already done this he's lived a thousand lives and a thousand universes and he was just so barbecued. It was, like, inspirational.

Wow. I was listening to him. I was like, whoa. But because he was so high, like, I think he just had no nerves going in. He just sort of did the event like it was nothing. Unafraid. Yeah, complete.

It was some balance thing. I forget what it is. They were on some beams or some shit. It's fucking amazing nobody died doing that show. I look back at it sometimes, and I just go, whew. Aren't they doing it again with another host? Yeah, with Ludacris. That's right. Ludacris is doing it. They did it once. I don't know if they're gonna keep doing it. Apparently it was kind of a flop. Was it? Yeah, I mean, you know why? Because when it was done, it was very timely,

but now with the internet has gotten so much faster and we can watch everything on our phone, it's kind of hard. You can see real life deaths. Yeah. So it's kind of hard to see people doing crazy stuff when you can turn it on and just see someone do it without a show around. They're just doing it. Well, it's also, they did it without the original production team. And the original production team, they cut the budget substantially. So it looked kind of cheap.

And then the stunts weren't as dangerous. The original production team, they were wizards. I mean, they were really good at that kind of cheap. And then the stunts weren't as dangerous. Like the original production team, they were wizards. I mean, they were really good at that kind of show. And they did 148 episodes of the first season. And then we came back, we did six more. So there was a, I mean, they had just massive amounts of experience of putting together like the stunt people, the bee stunt people. Bee stunts were all the gross things.

Like all that stuff was, I think they didn't do any gross stuff this time around. That's because the lawyers probably got involved. They probably now it's corporate and the lawyers are probably like oh you know and then they're like worried about lawsuits and no matter what you sign they're still going to sue. So the lawyers probably chopped a lot of that shit out or they couldn't get insurance. Well with NBC the second

iteration of Fear Factor in like what was it like 2012 or something like that? And we did it again. 2011, 2012. When we did it again, they were off. I think it was 11. They did it. It was off the deep end scary.

Like, they went way too far. Yeah, it was dangerous. I thought it was dangerous. Like, some of the stunts they were doing were, like, so much more intense than the stuff that we had done before. I'm like, this is fucking, we can, someone can get hurt here.

Did you not want to do it after that? A third, like a second season of the new iteration or you just didn't want to do it? Well, they canceled it because people had a drink come. Why? That should have automatically got to the second season. That's what got it canceled.

They play, they played horseshoes for donkey come. Yeah. They were throwing horseshoes for donkey cum. Yeah. They were throwing horseshoes, and no matter what, you had to drink some cum. Like, if you landed a perfect ring toss, I think you only had to drink a couple ounces. But these dudes were drinking beer steins of cum. Wow. Were there complaints?

Yes. Where did the network go? Yeah, they went too far. TMZ got a hold of footage, and they put... NBC passed on... I mean, they passed... They said, okay, to all the stunts, right? So they cleared all of the ridiculous stunts that they wanted to do.

And this was the most ridiculous. Like, getting people to drink cum on television. Yeah, it's rough. Well, it's just like it's so over the top and that's the idea was that they couldn't have fear factor the way they used to have it before they had to be it had to be bigger sure badder crazier fear factor and so the second version of it was just completely over the top a little too much and they pushed it too far and it grossed people out yeah they drank they drank donkey piss and donkey cum, and it was twins.

So one twin had to drink the piss. Wow. So she's drinking piss and the other girl's drinking cum. Wow, that's a lot of it. She drank a mug of cum. Oh, my God. What a great girlfriend she must be, though. What a fucking ace.

You know what's interesting? A lot of the girls wanted to drink the cum rather than drink the piss. Of course, they have experience with it. The piss is a grosser thing. Cum, they're like, alright, cum is not great, but I've drank it. And that guy drank cum.

And look at that, they're hugging, they got cum on their shirts. It was deep, man. There's only been two times ever in the history of the show where I said to the producers, hey, don't do this.

And that was one of them. You said they shouldn't do it? I said it's too much. I said it's too crazy. Oh, my God. That's a lot of cum. A shot of cum. Look at her chugging it down.

Oh, my God. And chugging it down with me, my fucking stupid big head hovering over you, telling you to do it. You were encouraging her to drink the cum? Yeah. It's like, you know, I mean, I wanted her to win. I wanted them all to win. It's part of the problem with doing that show. You like them.

Well, yeah. I mean, hopefully you wanted people to, you know, I was like a coach or a motivational speaker as much as I was a host. Tell them you can do it. Why don't you get in their head and you just tell them, like, look, you just put one foot in front of the other and just don't entertain any thoughts of quitting. Because a lot of quitting is just in your mind. A lot of quitting is just your mind saying, man, we can't do this. Man, we should find a way out.

Man, fuck this. This is just too uncomfortable. Whereas if you can just force yourself to push those aside and don't entertain those thoughts at all, you can get through a lot of things you can't get through. Yeah. Yeah, that's the hard part is when you start telling yourself.

It's almost like when people push themselves. I remember Matt Serra was actually talking about Ray Longo and the way he'll push you past where you think you can go. But my problem is I'll stop when I think I have to stop. But I guess there is this stuff in the reserve tank, but it just feels like there's nothing there. Well, it's a mindset. It's like if you get your mind accustomed to convincing your body that enough is enough,

and then you start entertaining those thoughts and thinking of those thoughts more than thinking about concentrating on the task at hand. You start thinking about, boy, if I just quit now, I can quit. All this uncomfortable feeling will stop. All this heaving of my breath or burning of my legs or whatever it is that you're doing, that can all stop. All the nervousness can stop.

You see a lot of times before fights, we've had several instances over the course of the history of the UFC. Most of the time it doesn't happen, but several instances where people get anxiety attacks. And you could attribute that to a lot of different things, right? You could say, well, some people just have anxiety. And, well, what is an anxiety attack? Well, some people believe that a lot of what's happening is the mindset that you're entering into a fight with and that you're allowing your mind to just sort of run rampant rather than corralling it and channeling your mind into very distinct pathways. Like very distinct pathways of only beneficial thoughts. And you will vacillate and deviate from those thoughts, but always bring it back to those very important thoughts and to have some sort of a mantra.

Like you are here to do your very best. That's it. And all thoughts of quitting, if your body fails on you, that's one thing, but let it fail. Don't, don't, don't entertain those thoughts. Oh my God, now it's time to quit. Don't stop it. Yeah. Don't, don't entertain those thoughts. Oh my God. Now it's time to quit. Don't stop it. Yeah. Don't, don't entertain those thoughts. And there's a guy named David Goggins.

We've talked about on the podcast almost too much, but he's a very famous endurance athlete. Who's a, um, I think he's a Navy SEAL. And he, uh, has the world record for the most amount of chin-ups in a day. And you know, some insane amount, right? He's doing, He will do sets of five where he does five chin-ups, and he does them over the course of, it was over 1,000, right? Yeah, it was a lot. But he does them in sets of five. I think it was 2,000. Yeah, that way it doesn't burn his arms out. But how long would he take in between each one?

It takes a little break. Do five, take a little break, relax a little, do another five, take a little break, relax a little, go another five, take a little break, relax a little, go back again. And he attempted it more than once because one time he did it in his forearm tour. 4,000 in 24 hours. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

So that guy, one of his statements is most people quit at 40%. Most people quit at 40% of what they're capable of. Really? Yeah. And I think that's absolutely accurate. Yeah. I think about that all the time. I think about it all the time when I'm on a hard run.

Like, you got to know when you're running, like, hills in particular. You got to know when you're just fucking exhausted and you're running the risk of falling down and you really can't breathe right. Like, you're really pushing it. Because particularly, like, things like sprints or hill sprints, you will reach an aerobic threshold. You'll reach a place where like you really can't go any further. Your heartbeat is 185 beats a minute. You can't do it. Yeah, you're blowing your shit out.

I mean, it's going to fail. But like when is it failing and when are you quitting? Because there's like some uncomfortable moments where my heart's like 150 160 where if I was feeling like a pussy I'd like Let me just take a break here and breathe. You know which is what Bert Kreischer does. Yeah, he probably has to know He's a heavier man It's a lot of it's mental. So you think he's just quitting? Yeah. Yeah It's hard not to though because you feel like your mind is telling you like I'm on the treadmill I can't do much. Yeah, exactly. I can't do it it's fucking boring too that's why i like running outside yeah i don't like running i think running on a treadmill would

be great if you had a fucking awesome movie in front of you yeah like say if you were watching platoon and you're running on a treadmill it's right in front of your apocalypse now and you listening to it yeah yeah i mean you can get into it but i like running outside because i know where i'm going and it's that's part of the goal. If I reach this peak, that means it's a mile, 1.6 miles, and then another 1.6 back. Can you run farther in real life or in a treadmill? I don't run on treadmills. But if you had to, which one could you do? Way more on a treadmill.

You can. Oh, for sure. First of all, the way I run, I'm running all hills. I don't really run flat. When I'm running flat, it's for very short periods of time. It's only flat in between hills. Oh, I fucking hate hills. They're terrible.

But here's the thing. I kickboxed yesterday for the first time in months. I hadn't done any pad work, any bag work, anything like that. And I was going through rounds like it was nothing. It was crazy. Like, it was so different than the cardio is better oh my cardio is way better just from running these hills because I do it I'm committed to doing it twice a week I try to do it three times a week but I'm committed

to doing it twice a week so I did it today and I did it Monday how long does it take you to run the hills an hour my workouts an hour okay it brutal, dude. At the end, I've lost several pounds of water. I'm completely exhausted. I'm drained. But when I do other stuff, I have way more endurance. And I feel great after. Like right now, like I'm so relaxed. Like after that happens, you just feel so good.

You feel like regular life is not as hard because the running is so difficult. I should try that. You know, I fucking hate running so much, but I'm so bored in the gym. But you live in Manhattan. Yeah, but there's still the park. I mean, there's little places you could run there. Yeah, but you're not running. You know what you should do?

I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, running is definitely a good thing as long as you're doing it the right way and running on the balls of your feet and not on the heel and but try taking yoga You know I like yoga. I like women with yoga bodies that fucking long like long lean like thorax That's a sexy look on a woman or acts like they just have like a like an insect body almost It's long and lean sex. What's that? Are you into bugs? No, but that's the best way I can compare them I've had bugs on me. I don't care for them. Three times.

Are you a bug catcher? No, those guys are crazy, man. Fuck. They actually almost want it. Yeah, they do want it. I think it's to relieve the pressure. Tell people what we're talking about. Bug catchers are guys. I've only heard of being gay guys. Maybe there's straight guys that do, but they'll go out

and fuck guys trying to catch HIV. Yeah, or let guys fuck them. Let guys fuck them, yeah, yeah. I mean, let guys fuck them to catch HIV. Like, they want it. And I personally think it's because then the pressure is off. That's my guess. I don't comprehend it. I think it's a self-hate thing. Oh, maybe.

Yeah, I think it's the same reason why some people want to amputate their hands. Some people are just nuts. Yeah, that is kind of a nutty thing some people want to amputate their hands. Some people are just nuts. Yeah, that is kind of a nutty thing to do, to want to catch, you know, like, why? I don't even want it now, even though I know that there's medicine that stops it. Well, we were talking about this yesterday. It's like people that, why do people like fisting? It's just to show that you're past what everybody else is thinking of as hardcore.

Like, I'll take a whole fist right up to the elbow. Some women's pussies are weird, though, man. I dated a girl I used to fist. You dated a girl you used to fist? I could never get all of it in. I have little hands, too, but I would get the first four and part of my knuckle and that would be our dirty talk.

She would go crazy when I would talk to her and tell her that what I'm going to do is I'm going to curl the thumb. When I told her I was going to curl the thumb, she knew that the fist was going in. She'd go fucking nuts. Even if I was just talking dirty to her. I would say, I'm going to curl the thumb. And she knew that meant, oh, he's putting his fucking five fingers in me.

What a nutty bitch. Yeah, I could never get all of it in. I would get it in like this, like a praying mantis. Like you're poking, like a bird. Yeah, where your thumb is touching the four curled... It's cheating. It's a cheating way to fist somebody. I don't get it. My asshole has zero ability to take more than a finger.

Woo! Yeah, a whole fist. There's a video that Nick Swartzen sent me and Whitney. We were talking about it yesterday where there's a dude. He's holding a dude up, like in front of him. Like, you know, sort of a backpack on the front. You know, the guy's around him and he's got his fist all the way up him, like a backpack on the front. The guy's around him, and he's got his fist all the way up to the elbow in this guy's ass.

And he just keeps pumping it up in there. And he's holding the guy? Yeah, he's holding him up. He's got his arm wrapped around him, and then the other arm is just going in there. Credit to both of those guys. That's amazing. They're pioneers, for sure. That reminds me of holding up.

I was watching season two again of The Ultimate Fighter. And there's one thing where they do like how long, how many rotations around the heavyweight can I think they were either a middleweight or a welterweight do. He climbs on top of the heavyweight. I've never seen that before. And he was going around like how many different times can you go around this heavyweight's body without touching the ground? I figured 10, 15. I mean, it was fucking like 100 or 200 times that went around. The ability to hold somebody else up is just. But see, the thing about something like that is doing a contest like that, you've got to realize that person's blown their body out for days after that.

If that's not something you're accustomed to and you're doing on a daily basis, that's like doing a chin-up contest like David Goggins. If you do that, don't plan on fighting in a week because your arms are going to be blown out. Your legs are going to be blown out. You're going to get fucked up. It's definitely a good skill to have, but doing something like that, you could do it one time to find out what your max is, but don't plan on recovering from that anytime soon. That's the thing about people and injuries. Like one of the big problems with injuries with MMA fighters, jiu-jitsu people, a lot of people, is overtraining, meaning you're not prepared for what you're doing.

Like I have a friend, my friend Cam Haynes runs a marathon a day. He runs a marathon every day. Well, he had to build up to that. Wait, does he really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's training for this 238-mile Moab race in October. So if you're running 238 miles, his idea is he gets a marathon in every day. So his body is just constantly used to this sort of stress.

But for him, it's not that big a deal. Like he'll run a marathon, and it's not a problem. But if you tried to run a marathon every day, your body would break down. You'd have some serious issues. On the first day, I couldn't do it. Yeah. But again, you might be able to do it. It might be able to take you eight hours. You might be able to get through it, but you're going to be fucked up for a while. But if you built up to it slowly over time, you could develop the kind of muscular endurance that allows you to do something like that. You get conditioned to it. So like doing something like that, where you're doing like these rotations around someone, or you're doing like how many times you climb to the top of a 30 foot rope, you know, someone's

doing something like that. If that's not something you do all the time and you just try to do it once, like on a television show for, for funsies. Sure. You could fuck yourself up. No, I'm listening.

Yeah, no, I'm just saying things along those lines. Like when you're trying to do as many as you can, anytime you're doing as many as you can, like how many body weight squats can you do? I'll go to maybe a hundred, you know,

like, okay, let's see if you can get to 500. Good luck walking for the last couple of days. the next couple days if you try to do that. I like a couple. Now, this guy does chin-ups. Does he do, like, the perfect military ones probably? If he's a Navy SEAL, I'm sure he'll wear his full-body hat and then up.

Yeah, those kipping chin-ups are kind of bullshit. What's a kipping chin-up? Where they flop around like a fish. Do you ever see the ones where they go, they lift up, and then they go higher, like where they pull their full body weight above? Yeah. Oh, those are awful. It's called the muscle up.

Oh, fuck that. You just chin up, and then you do a dip. And then it's not, it's, a lot of people think it's not the best functional exercise. They think it looks cool and everything like that, but they don't believe it's the best functional exercise. But the guys that can do that stuff, like I've always, I've looked at guys do, there's these guys that do these, like these guys. These guys are freaks. These are outdoor guys

where they work out outdoors and they can just do an endless amount of things outdoors. They can like hold the bar sideways. Yeah, like look at what this guy's doing. He's just doing like chin-ups and dips and moving his body sideways. It's incredible, the upper body strength. Yeah, and control.

Not just the strength, but like the static control that he's able to do. Oh, my God. It looks like he's being blown in a hurricane. Yeah, a lot of people do those. Really? They're called flagpoles, yeah. Can you do that? I've never done that.

Yeah. Why am I saying that's surprising? Of course I can't do it. Yeah, it's not easy, but I can do it. It's hard. So what does that make? Are these guys like all the ex-cons? I can't do that.

I don't have that kind of balance. Like that guy is, he's doing like a dip to a handstand. I can't do that. In between two bars. Yeah, and these guys, they all wear gloves, which I find interesting. I guess they do that because the bars get sweaty. Yeah, you don't want to slip and it probably fucks your hands up. Yeah.

I used to wear little fingerless gloves when I worked out just to keep my hands. I'm like Curly from Mice and Men like Dice Dice wears those because he doesn't want to shake hands with people he's what Dice would do when someone would come over he has a fingerless glove he'll curl his fingers into the glove and give them a fist to shake

the fucking worst handshakes ever he's so crazy he hated shaking hands with people. And he would go and wash his hands. I remember one time we were out to eat and some guy, he washed his hands. And a guy came over and shook his hand. And Dice went, ugh. And he got up and had to go to the bathroom again.

It's so funny that he's just, he's such a pig on stage, but he hates germs. He likes fucking honey in his tea. Like, he's just a big mama's boy. He likes to be comforted. Yeah. He's a very interesting guy, Dice. And he's also, in a lot of ways, a pioneer because he was one of the very first ever superstar stadium comedians.

Yes, he was. There was no one like that. Even Kinison never hit that level before. Steve Martin, I think, at one point had that. Yeah. And he had a tremendous mystique to him, too. Steve Martin was the biggest comic in the world for a long time. For sure.

But Dice had this thing where he came out like a fist and just punched through everything. No one saw him coming. There was no SNL. It was just this fucking animal. I remember the first time I saw Andrew Dice Clay. I was with a girl named Melanie. No, no. What the fuck her name was?

Michelle. My girlfriend. I was 18. I was at her house. She said, come in here. This guy's so dirty. And I stood there and I watched Andrew Dice Clay. It's the first time. It's, I was 18. I was at her house. She said, come in here. This guy's so dirty. And I stood there and I watched Andrew Dice. It's the first time I, it's weird how you remember.

Yeah. Richard Pryor's my favorite. Carlin, I don't remember the first time I saw them. But I remember the first time I saw Dice. I remember the first time I played Dice, Dice cassette to this girl that I was dating. Her name was Marta. She was from Nicaragua. And we were in my car.

I think I was like, I think I was like... I think I was 19. And we were sitting in my car playing this Dice Clay thing. Fucking howling, laughing. I couldn't believe how dirty it was. And how funny it was. It was dirty and it was funny.

Do you ever have Florentine on? No. Have I had Jim on? I feel like I have. Jim Florentine is hilarious. And what, yeah. Have I had Jim on? I feel like I have. Yes, I have. Jim Florentine is hilarious. And what he used to do is he would make his girlfriend mixtapes of all these romantic songs. And he would put fucking bits from The Day the Laughter Died and The Day the Laughter Died. In between? Just a line or two.

He'd play a really nice song. I want to eat your cunt in a big red chair. And then a nice song. You're about as funny as a glass of milk. Dude, my favorite hecka line ever. Yeah. Oh, because Dice had been talking about drinking milk and slipping on it like it's cum.

People are slipping like it's somebody's load. And the guy's so mad at the audience, he can't grasp what to say. He goes, you're about as funny as a bottle of milk. Because he just used what Dice had just said on stage. Well, we'll explain to people. The day that Laugh Who Died was when Dice was on top of the world. He decided to record at Dangerfields unannounced.

So Dangerfields in New York has historically been like a poorly attended club. Sure. Like we would do shows there. This is how poorly attended it is. I did a show there once where I think my spot was probably like at 9 o'clock, and I got there at 8.30, and there was just a couple of comics hanging out at the bar. I was like, what's going on? And they go, no one's here yet.

And I go, what? No one's here. There's no audience. So two people showed up, a couple. They said, we're here to see the show. And you remember Scotty, the big guy, the big Irish guy? Bobby. Bobby, rather.

Bobby, I didn't know. Oh, yeah, Bobby. Bobby, rather. Bobby, I didn't know. Oh, yeah, Bobby. Bobby was Scott. I'm sorry. I fucked it up. Bobby was like, right this way, ladies and gentlemen. And he brought these people into an empty room. And they're like, what?

Yeah. And they sat them down, and then the emcee went up. So they started the show a half hour late, because that was the first time people showed up. And we all did sets for two fucking people. I've done those, yep. It was really weird. So Dice decides to record his album there, unannounced, with no material. He had no preparation.

He just winged it, the entire thing. And it's both brilliant and terrible at the same time. It's a two CD thing, because he was up there for fucking hours. He did three nights. He did fucking three nights. And he was up there. Well, that's Dice at Dangerfield's

From the Special. That's when he did Rodney Dangerfield's Special. You know Kenny toured with him. No, no. He was on Rodney Dangerfield's

HBO Special. That's how he broke. And then he came back and did The Day the Laughter Died. But I don't think there's any pictures of that. 1990. There's no video of that. Club Soda Kenny was with him when he did those CDs. I'm so jealous that he got to watch those tapings.

Well, Kenny was like his bodyguard or something, right? Road manager, bodyguard. When I first started touring with Dice, it was like 1997. And it was Kenny was the road manager and a bodyguard. Was that Rodney and Fabio? Wow. What the fuck is that? And Dice?

Who's that? That's Fabio. That's Rodney's wife. We're getting married, I guess. Is that Rodney's wife? Or no, is that Fabio getting married? Someone's getting married. Fabio can't get married with his shirt open like that.

That's outrageous. Wow. So that day the laughter died for comedians. There was a guy named Mike Donovan who's a Boston comedy legend fucking hilarious hilarious Comedian and he is the one who told me about the day the laughter died didn't he we were the back of the comedy connection He was just laughing until he was crying talking about dice doing an impression of Nixon while he's eating. Yeah I'll do Nixon in that ass Give me that big fat fucking ass.

Big fat fucking ass. I mean, he was doing a Nixon impression while he's eating ass. And for whatever reason, Mike Donovan thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard in his life. He's just crying and laughing. It's like, this is a brilliant, brilliant album. It is. Rick Rubin produced those albums. Yeah.

Or that album. Yeah. And it's an odd masterpiece. It's beautiful that he did that because there is a flow to it, but it's the greatest watching a comic's mind just fucking randomly bounce from joke to joke to bomb to joke and just really exploring and grabbing for shit. Yeah. And there's no material preparation. None.

You can tell. He's just totally ad-libbing. It's just... Yeah, that's the album cover. That's right. I remember getting it and listening to it and being so... Look at that, cassette one. Yeah.

And people who didn't know. There was also people who didn't like it. They were like, this sucks, what is this? But Chris Rock was at the Cellar one night, and I forget how, and he goes, the best comedy album ever, or one of them, he said, I'll have to die by Angela. Yeah, but that's also the best comedy album for him, because he's a comic, and he thinks it's hilarious that this guy just went up there and just had no fucking, no preparation

whatsoever. I've laughed harder at Richard Pryor albums than I did at that. They're better comedy records. But as far as being a pure thing to show what comics do sometimes to work stuff out, he literally, like you said, top of his game. He was fucking 1990 or 91. And he probably sold a million copies of that, too. Yeah, to a fucking 800,000 unhappy people.

I mean, he even called it the day the laughter died. He didn't give a fuck. He would go up sometimes and literally like to see how long he could go without getting a laugh in clubs. He would just fuck around and see how long he could go and not get a laugh. My favorite dice is insult dice. When you find someone in the audience and go, look at you. Look at you. Look at your fucking hair.

Just digging on people. And they wouldn't know whether to laugh or be upset it was almost angry at them for being alive he described women's tits and he goes look at those big fat fucking motherfucking fat fucking tits and it was really dirty

but I'm like my god that's emotionally the best description of tits that's was really dirty but I'm like my god that's the emotionally the best description of tits everyone's that's their big ones that's how you feel though you can't get the words that that will describe the lust of big breasts more than fat fucking motherfucking fat fucking it there was something so guttural about that I'm like that's the greatest description of tits anybody's ever given as far as emotionally for a guy well you know what dice did too that nobody else had ever done before or since is he created punch lines that everybody wanted to repeat Yes

Those rhymes amazing people wanted to repeat what's in the bowl bitch like he would point the microphone to the audience And they knew the punch line and they would yell it out and cheer yeah you remember in day laughs died They tried doing a poem he goes no stupid Ain't doing the poems. No poems. Yeah, yeah, no poems. Not even, hey, I'm not doing that. Like Robin Williams did in the album called Reality What a Concept, which was the first dirty album I ever had was Robin Williams' Reality What a Concept, before or even prior. And somebody yelled out, Mork. And Robin goes, I'm not doing Mork. I'm here to do something different. He did it nicely and people clapped but he didn't go, no.

With Dice, they hated him that night and they're just trying to connect. We'd love a poem and he could have got them. Fuck you. He's not getting a poem. They almost were being punked. They were there for a comedy show and the most famous comic alive at the time came up and just ate dick for three hours.

He ate dick for three fucking hours for over a three-night period. It's a nine-hour fucking ball munching. But he also, you know, it's funny, man. Dice changed the language. People are like, when did political correctness start? If you look back to when it really kicked in, they were so disgusted and angry at Dice. Yes. That was what kicked political correctness.

Plus, the internet was really kicking in. There's a lot of factors, but Dice is the one. He was the straw that broke the calendar. People are like, I can't fucking take it anymore. We have to stop talking this way. Well, he went on MTV, remember? Yep. stop talking this way. Well, he went on MTV, remember?

And he did a bunch of jokes that they didn't approve, and they banned him from MTV for life. And meanwhile, today, that's a goddamn, I mean, badge of honor. Yeah, he went. Nobody wants to be on MTV now, but back then, it was like, holy shit, they banned him from MTV.

Kinnison criticized him for that? Yeah. But he went out, and Kurt Loder was on TV talking about how unfunny, terrible, unfunny period jokes. You know, it's like, but it was this air of like pompousness, like when he was talking about this, like this progressive, you know, Kurt Loder type character who was always like the guy who told you about the amazing cool new bands, was telling you that Dice is just terrible and unfunny

and he'll never be on MTV again. And I remember thinking that, like, whoa, they banned him from Saturday Night Live. MTV. They banned him from MTV. He didn't give a fuck. Well, Kenny, again, Kenny told me that the guy, Andrew may have told me this too,

but before he went out, he was thinking of doing it. And it might have been, who's the guy, Johnny, uh, the other Johnny he had with him. I'm whose name I'm don't remember fucking. Oh my God. You know who I'm. It's the Johnny that he traveled with for years. Is it possible?

Not noodles. Um, I don't know. Something Johnny. Okay. Um, but he said, uh, he said to dice, do you want to be a teardrop Or a tidal wave Which I thought was such a great Fucking piece of advice To give someone

Before he went out On live television With that dilemma Well now I mean Now that it's All the The dust has been settled

Who? Johnny West What was his nickname though? Hot Tub Johnny Jesus I never met Johnny Was he a comic? I don't know.

He was Dice's guy. He wrote with Dice. He toured with him. I think he was the road manager at one point, but I never met Hot Tub. It was Kenny was there when I came in in 1997. Oh. But that was the name. I'm fucking forgetting shit, man.

Well, just like Slick Rick, shit happens. Yeah, it does. Well, you have too many experiences. Yeah. You talk to somebody who lives in a small town about a small town and the stuff that he does in that town, that motherfucking can remember everything. You're right. But talk to a guy who travels the world and does stand up and takes pills to stop getting

AIDS. Boy, does he. What a sigh of relief. I was fucking, I'll tell you, one of the most nervous I've ever been was when I took the, just to digress for a second, was to take the, I was so convinced I had HIV and I fucking took this oral test that you can get from CVS and there's a weird thing where you just they said it's like up a good up until the last three months it's like in the high 90 accurate not 100 but it's a good precursor to the fucking blood so I did it and you have to you you you rub it on your gums once each and and then you put it in this folding, almost like a trapper keeper, and you close it.

And they said what happens is there's a red line, and if there's two red lines, you're positive. The one red line stays there, and they said do not watch the progress, because it'll freak you out. Don't watch it. Of course you watch it. Only for a second, because I literally thought I saw the beginning of a second line, and I remember closing it, and I'm like, I have HIV. I was fucking

convinced. I remember where I went. I went down to the fucking store, bought a couple of RX bars. I'm like, I'm just going to have a nice fucking protein bar and go back in 20 minutes, whatever it was. I started to photograph it. I couldn't believe that I was negative. But I came back and it was clear. I was, I was a hundred percent convinced I had HIV. Wow. Scary, man. Um, well, anytime it's something like that where

you don't know if you have it and if you do have it, it's a death sentence. Yeah. Or even, you know, it wasn't even, I thought I was died because now there's so many, but this is recently, this is probably three months ago. There's so many medications you can take. Right. But it's the idea of having to tell a partner and like who's gonna want to fuck you with that like that's just a rough one you know i mean i'm dating someone i'm gonna tell her well how did charlie sheen get it i don't know and if you notice that was the question that matt lauer i don't believe asked um i don't think they got into it so i don't know yeah so matt lauer and him talked because he was getting blackmailed yes he was yeah and there's a shit ton of lawsuits because he had unprotected sex without telling

a bunch of people that he had it that's crazy i mean that's that's crazy even if you're down to zero then you still got to tell them you have to tell zero t-cell yeah where it's not visible because they cannot get down to where it's undetectable. And I really do think you can't pass it then because there are drugs that you won't be able to pass it and prep, we won't be able to get it. But I still think you're obligated to say it. You know, you're obligated to say it and then you let that person make the decision. Right. You know, I mean, you can't make that decision for them.

Yeah. No, for sure. But, I mean, this is all cocaine party thinking. Yeah. I mean mean everyone's just Having terrible judgment. Yeah, I imagine there was quite a bit of naughty behavior in the Sheen residence I mean the guy was doing tremendous amounts of blow Yeah, like they would talk about him doing below that would kill a normal-sized person I heard somebody to what I heard about the blackmail and I don't know who I really wish I knew who had blackmail

I don't was that somebody got a picture of medication in his medicine cabinet. I heard there's a video of him sucking a guy's dick. I've heard that too. Yeah. I've heard that, but I don't know if it's true. I mean,

you figure he probably didn't know that video was being taken. You hope that was taken without him knowing. Well, who knows? Maybe when you're coked up, you're like,

Dad, film it. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's do it. I'm sucking dick. You know, who knows? I mean, when you have kids, that's rough. I mean, otherwise, who cares if he sucked a dick who gives a fuck and you're great in platoon when you give a shit

But you know, I mean it gives a fuck Major League. He was really, you know, believe me a very unsung film I did on Wall Street. It was good in it. Huh? How good very good him and Martin Sheen together fuck crazy I think that at a certain point in time when you're doing that kind of drugs, like you're doing crazy disassociative piles of blow and you're fucking, you don't know where the fuck you are. You're freaking out. You're constantly paranoid.

They said his teeth were rotten out of his head. It looked like a few pictures of his teeth did not look like they were in amazing shape. Sheen also doesn't know how he contracted the virus, but told Lauer it had nothing to do with needles. Oh, well, then he does have a good idea. Well, how could he say? Well, it means he maybe had nothing.

He never did anything with needles. Rumors about the actor's health recently emerged in the tabloid press. So where is he at now? He's kind of fucking radio dark. No, no, he just did a film. He did a film about 9-11, about people trapped in an elevator. And they said, well, you know, he had some conspiracy theories they shouldn't have cast. Who gives a fuck?

It's a movie. None of these people are dead. They're alive. They just did a movie. Well, do you remember he wrote an open letter to President Obama? He's a big fan of Alex Jones and a friend of Alex Jones. Alex Jones called me up. Hey, man, Gary Busey wants to talk to you, and

he gave the phone to fucking Gary Busey, and Gary Busey talked to me, and he's like, I mean, Gary Busey's completely out of his fucking mind, but Gary Busey has an excuse. Gary Busey got in a motorcycle accident with no helmet and caved his head in, like real bad. That's why Gary Busey, when you look at him, one eye is up here,'s got that Shannon Shannon Doherty thing going on. I was down here when I was up there It's because his literal skull was destroyed in a motorcycle accident. He hit a fucking curb with his head, right? Yeah, and see in that picture if his eyebrows are up and makes it look like he's okay But I'm gonna guess the one on our right, his left, is the one that droops?

Yes. That's what it looks like. His left is jacked. But we've had him in a couple times. When he came back in, he remembered my name. He's loopy, but he's not out of it. Hello, Jimmy. Yeah, he knew.

I mean, he's a little nutty, but he's always been a little nutty. But he remembers lines. He can act. Yeah, see how his right eyebrow's up? Yeah. Right eye is up and left one's down. Yeah, he had a significant brain injury. Yeah. Yeah, there it is.

Oh, yeah. You're right. Before that accident, he was a pretty normal guy. He has that injury eye. That's fucking, the way they call it, TBI is a traumatic brain. That fucking wide open look that you get. When you see guys with both eyes like that, they're fucking cooked. Well, there's a little bit of that, but I believe there's structural damage to his actual skull itself.

I think, I'm almost positive that he hit the curb without a helmet. It was when LA didn't have helmet laws. And he wiped out and curbed his fucking brain. And was lucky to be alive, if I remember correctly. Yeah, I don't remember when that was but oh fuck motorcycles man they scare me they I watch there's a website I go to I watch a lot of terrible things that I shouldn't watch but um I've fucking seen these motorcycle accidents I'll always watch in car accidents because that really does remind me to drive safe like you can't control everything but when I see a guy Burning to death in a car Or fucking cut in half I'm like

Maybe it's not his fault Oh yeah He went under a tractor trailer He was texting and driving And that's what it looks like Don't fucking do it So I'm really really cautious When I drive

I by the way We drove in your Porsche Last When we did the fight campaign And I was like Wow you're a responsible Porsche driver Like you don't drive

Like an animal at all No You know You were pretty much Around the limit Maybe a little over But you aren't responsible Porsche driver like you don't drive like an animal at all no You know you pretty much around the limit. Maybe a little over, but you aren't a fucking maniac No, I don't drive fast. I would never drive fast with a friend in the car either. I don't I'm not a Dickhead driver I'll occasionally have dickhead moments very rare when no one's around yeah, but I don't I don't put anybody else in danger I don't I don't believe in driving like that. No it was a delightful drive. It was not frightening at all It was comfortable. Did you get nervous when you got in the car?

No, no, no. I know. I've driven with you before, but if I didn't know you, I might. But just having a Porsche is just known as somebody who's going to move. Yeah. That car in particular, because it's so loud and so bouncy. But I figured you had a lot more to lose than I do, so I figured you'd be driving safe. It's not like you don't want to drive with a guy who has nothing.

Like, how are you doing? Oh, I just lost my fucking house, and I got no gig, and then he's driving safe. It's not like you don't want to drive with a guy who has nothing. Like, how are you doing? I just lost my fucking house. I got no gig. And then he's driving home. And I got HIV. I got two red lines. Let's do it. Get in the car.

Get in the car, Norton. I just put a new engine in. So yeah, you want to go with a guy who's got a little shit more to lose than you do. But it was a safe, comfortable ride. I like those cars because they're light and they're responsive. And it's like riding a ride, like a Disneyland ride everywhere you go. Yeah. It doesn't, I don't like, I don't want,

it's like people, how fast have you ever gotten it to? I've never gotten it that fast. I don't drive that fast. I don't, I'm not, I like cornering. Like I'm into cars that like grip and feel good when you're connected to the machine. BMWs drive like that, don't they? Sure, yeah.

I had one, the wheel is kind of stiff. And they say that's because of high performance. It grips the road. Well, they have a bunch of different settings you can put on a BMW, especially like the M cars. You can vary the stiffness of the steering because they're electronic power assist. But if you want a car that looks really responsive that's a BMW, they have an M2.

It's a tiny little car. It's like one of their least expensive M cars, but most enthusiasts think it's their best one. I don't know. I've driven. I had the X6. I drove like three in a row. That's a great car. I was leasing them.

They were really big cars, and I was like, I kind of wanted to lease a Mercedes. It was a lot cheaper. I've never driven a Mercedes. I'm like, fuck it. Mercedes was cheaper? This was much cheaper. Much cheaper. The BMWs were just too big.

I live in the city. I have a car because I like to drive. For what? You know what? My addiction, I kept that because years ago, I would ride around and look at fucking hookers. That was why. So you had a car for hookers? That was why.

I did. That's hilarious. But I'm not even doing that now. I'm totally out of that. The actual no they're paying people yeah yeah i pay pal for dirty videos sometimes in movies of girls who are doing things just you know what i mean but i'm just paying for sex the sex trafficking shit just freaked me out too much oh that's awful it freaked me out too much and i know i'm all for consensual like women like women. I talked to a woman once who was, I guess you could say she was an escort. She had done porn, and she stopped doing porn.

And the way she said it, she said she had clients. And I was like, well, how does that work? And she's like, well, off the record, there's a bunch of guys that I've had sex with in the past, and I like them and they pay me and i'll go over there and it's almost like people i really like and i have sex with them and i said like how many times a week she goes i only need to do it a few times a week and i pay my bills you know like wow girls like that after i stopped like going on certain sites girls like that who i knew it was important to me like i knew their lives like i knew who they were i knew their

real names i knew their facebook like you know what lives. Like I knew who they were. I knew their real names. I knew their Facebook. Like you know what a person's life is. And they're just choosing to do this on the side because A, you have a chemistry with them and they like you and B, some of them are just dirty. I've met plenty of people that are just dirty and enjoy it. Well, I didn't know her too well and I didn't ask too many questions but from what

she was saying is essentially like, you know, she had done porn and she didn't want to do porn anymore. And she didn't want to be just a quote unquote hooker, but she had a few guys that wanted to have sex and would be willing to pay her. And I guess they would pay her like a couple thousand bucks and she would just have sex with these guys a couple of times a week, different guys. And she'd make four or $5,000 a week and she wouldn't have to worry about shit. She could do whatever she wanted to do for as long as her body holds up sure I mean that when I talked to this is quite a long time ago

I think she was probably like 36 or 37 at the time So it's like maybe she can't do that anymore Maybe now she's 46 47 or 50 and maybe dudes like how much they try to find an older sugar daddy I think or a guy that they've said that's where they start That's probably when they want to wife up, too, like when you're doing it. Yeah, but that's a hard thing for men. Like, a lot of men do not want to shack up with a chick that had sex for money, you know? I don't mind it. Like, I don't want them doing it when I'm with them, but I like somebody with a past.

I really need it because my past is so fucked up. I much prefer yours is, too. What the fuck is this, Jamie? The Korean grandmothers who sell sex. How do you pull these up so quick? What do you have on tab? Like, what is this, Jamie? The Korean grandmothers will sell sex. How do you pull these up so quick? What do you have on tab? Like, what is wrong with you? I saw this story the other day.

I don't remember. It was a video about the Bacchus. It's called Bacchus, ladies, I believe. It's a drink called Bacchus. So they walk around selling the Bacchus as an energy drink. They're like 40 and 50-year-old women, but now they're elderly women are doing it, too. And so you buy the drink, but you're buying sex is what you're written to buy. Oh, my God.

What? That's what it says. I don't understand what that means. It's a way around the loophole of prostitution. Yeah, it's a loophole of prostitution for sure. Like you buy this drink and I'll give you sex. They're like street vendors with energy drinks, but when you buy it from them, you're really saying, hey, come with me somewhere, I guess. What?

Where is this happening? South Korea. Yeah, South Korea. Whoa. Pretty smart workaround. So the guys buy the energy drink knowing that they're going to get some sex. That's what that video described, yeah. But that technically is, you know, yeah.

But I've known too many people, women I've known, who were like pseudo-forced into it by a boyfriend. And one girl I was talking to recently, she was like, yeah, my boyfriend had made me kind of do it. And she's like, I wanted to at one point, but then he hit me when i didn't want i'm just like man there's too many people i don't know their story if i can guarantee that it's just consensual i'm fine with it being legal i don't care but it freaked me out that there was too many people that i didn't know enough about like i never go to places i never went to those places because they felt too much like the russian

mob or the asian whatever was controlling them but But then even people I thought I knew, I'm like, I can't guarantee it. Right. And I can't. Well, that's very ethical of you. Like you were thinking about them being forced into that life. Over time, it just got to me. Like, because the more, like I would talk to different people and at first it was like, you know, ah, the feminists, of course they're going to say that.

But then there was certain people that said certain things. Not someone just says something. It's like, ugh. Yeah. But see, there's some feminists that think it's empowering for a woman to be able to choose what to do with her body. Oh, they're right. I know a woman who's a very smart woman. And when she was younger, she had done, and she's an artist, and she had done some sex work.

But it was just like she fucked some guys for money. And for her, it was easier than working. Yeah, and I'm not saying, I think it should be legalized. I think that people should be able to do that. I just personally, as I was getting older, I'm like, this is not what I want to do anymore. That's like boring. Well, good for you. Well, it's also, you know, it's just anytime someone's being forced to do something and

then there's potential shame attached to it. Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with sex and I know you don't either. But when you attach the potential societal shame aspect of it like your behavior your choices could shame you could be a real problem you know like the same thing with sex right like people having sex who care everybody have sex we love sex people most people love sex right but the idea of you being caught on film having sex is terrifying for a lot of people, which is really weird. It's really weird. Like we know you love sex, but if we see you having sex, we'll shame you. Yeah. It's a really, you're right. Cause it's almost like, that's why I hate when people break into these

hard drives in the cloud for these celebrities. Cause it's a weird privacy thing. Like even if you're not doing something, you're not supposed to, if you talk to your wife, you talk to your girlfriend, who wants people hearing that? Right. It's private. It's just embarrassing and it's private. Look, I'm very open about most things sexually in my life, but I still don't want people to read specific things I've said because it just feels like an invasion of privacy.

Right, it is an invasion. And it's also like you didn't write it for other people to hear. And there's things you say to your friends, right, that if they took out of context, people would go, well, Jim Norton's a fucking asshole he's a piece of shit like like even in jest like this thing that i did with re you know where i sent him a text message and then i put it on instagram is obvious i thought pretty obvious that it was in jest but so many people thought it was really like the context of your friendship and people who don't understand they don't know

you and then there's also the comedian factor. The way we talk to each other on a regular basis is so different than the way a lot of folks can. Because if you're working in a fucking office job, nine to five every day, you're controlled by human resources and the

office standards of behavior. You have to follow some sort of firing guidelines of what's term, what you can get terminated for. Those people are on the edge and to tiptoe on fucking broken glass every day. It's a scary, you know, it's serious.

XM is, is a corporate environment. Yeah. And I'm fucking, I'm a fucking dirty comic and I'm more careful around the women there than half of the fucking newscasters you hear about getting shit. It's like, if I know that as a fucking dirtbag, you don't fucking hit on the women at work. Well, not just that. Do you ask them gently?

Would you like to go ahead? No? Okay. And fuck off. Well, no, even worse. But these guys weren't just doing that. They were sexually harassing women. Absolutely.

It's crazy. It's not that they were hitting on them. I mean, office environments are just... Whitney Cummings has a very funny joke about that. I don't want to say it because it's one of her new bits about working in an office. But there's so much sexual tension when you're stuck in a room with people

for eight hours a day. And if two people are attracted to each other and they're working side by side on a daily basis, occasionally they test the waters and say fucked up things. And in saying those fucked up things, women are allowed to do whatever they Want essentially like it's really hard. It's gonna be hard for her to get fired. Yeah, yeah I mean a woman says something dirty you it's kind of funny, but if a guy says something unwanted and dirty

It's really disgusting because why well because men rape and they're more dangerous and they're scarier. You know they're physically more scary so a guy Intruding on a woman's space and saying creepy unwanted sexual shit has an air of danger to it Yeah, whereas if a girl is saying some creepy unwanted sexual shit to me. I can go hey stop You know like you can't don't talk to me. It's never a precursor to her making you do it Yeah, it's never she's gonna grab my head and force me to eat her pussy Yeah, great thought though isn't? Being made to do it. That's one of my greatest turns. I'm so sad.

Being made to. Yeah. Being made. Stick your tongue out further. Stick it out further. Okay, mommy. Yeah. Sniff it.

I'm going to fart in your mouth. No. Yeah, we've all been there. No. No. You ever have someone do that? I've had it. Yeah?

It was all right. Not that. that no i had a girl i had a girl in tribe did i tell you this she's trying to push a fart out and she shot monistat 7 on my chest it was fucking horrible monistat 7 is something girls put in their vagina infection oh jesus yeah not my best moment what did it smell like i don't believe it had a smell i don't remember having a smell you had to explain that it was monostatic. I knew exactly what it was. We both knew what it was. You know.

It was a bad scene. But she was really fucking sexy. Big fat ass. Yeah. And she was trying to fart on you? Yeah. I mean, I don't really care about that. But I was like, yeah, why not?

Fart in my face. Whose idea was it? Mine. Well, I think she said I have to. I'm like, go ahead. What do you, you know? She said you have to? No, no.

I think she said I have to fart. Oh, she said I have to fart and you like fart in my mouth? Yeah. We had always done that. I'd lick their ass and she has a big, great ass. You know what I mean? We were kind of, that's as far as it went. Did you ever get sick from that?

No. Not eating ass? Not that I know of. Somebody must have. Sure. That's a terrible way to feel. Why didn't I just shower her up first? I don't like to shower them up first.

I like a scent. I literally like... You like that. You like a scent. It's deep. I like them. I'm telling you, if I'm dating you and I like you, I literally have thrown girlfriend's deodorants out. Really?

I fucking... Do you want them to stink a little? Yes But I have to fucking It's the way you're saying it Yes But I have to like them Oh

It has to be It's a chemistry thing That's nature telling you who you should fuck and who you shouldn't fuck Because some people's scent repulses me The smell of their mouth or the smell of their skin repulses me Unhealthy people probably Or even people that I'm just not meant to breed with But then there's some people The underarm smell The smell of their skin repulses me. Unhealthy people, probably. Or even people that I'm just not meant to breed with. But then there's some people, the underarm smell,

the smell of their feet when they're stinky. Dude, it makes me... Not dirty. I don't like dirty feet. I don't want fucking... Just a little stinky. In socks and sneakers. Because it's clean.

There's a whole fucking thing with it. You're so orderly about it. It's clean. It is. You're looking at me, you're intense, your eyes line up. Yeah. You're like, no, no, no. Socks and sneakers But it's clean It is You're looking at me You're intense Your eyes line up Yeah You're like no no no Socks and sneakers

Because it's clean Because you do feel like a creep When you're talking to a girl And you say to her Like I want your feet To be a certain way Yeah I would say But you want to let her know

Don't make them dirty Like don't come over And flip flops Or I don't want you Walking around on a floor Without You know what I mean Like I like

I'm a hygiene person You just want them A little sweaty Yeah But I've been with girls I've told hygiene person you just want a little sweaty yeah but um I've been with that with girls I've told them like don't shower for three days like oh Jesus it makes me crazy and what do they say great really the good ones great honestly they fucking love it um but again if I don't like you if I'm not attracted to your scent I have no desire

for that so that's how I know I'm meant to be with somebody you know Chris Ryan Dr. Chris Ryan was a friend of mine was telling me that women when they're on birth control pills Their ability to smell whether or not a mate is sexually compatible with them Gets hindered by the birth control. Oh it fucks it up but when they have women that are not on birth control pills they can literally smell a man's clothes and Find out whether or not they're sexually compatible with them. Just whether or not they're attracted to them. Yeah. Like there's literally a specific scent.

And that scent, they think, is not just like whether or not you're sexually attracted to someone's smell, but whether or not you're biologically compatible with them. Yeah. Do you remember back in the day when people would get married, they would do blood tests to see if they could have kids Do you remember that I don't there was a thing that they used to talk about like people would have tests to see I don't know if it was legitimately scientifically valid But they would have tests like a blood test and I remember people talking about this when I was in high school

Like that married people would have go and have these blood tests to see if they could not not pregnancy. No, no, no, not pregnancy. But whether or not they were compatible, like as far as like raising healthy kids, there was some weird. I mean, it might have been some bullshit fake science that they tried to pass off back in the 70s and the 80s. But I distinctly remember people talking, this is like before I was anywhere near, blood type incompatibility. Yeah.

Blood types are categorized by A, B, and O. We're reading something here. And given the Rh factor of positive or negative, A, B, O, and Rh incompatibility happens when a mother's blood type conflicts with that of her newborn child. It's possible for the mother's red blood cells to cross into the placenta or fetus during pregnancy.

Yeah, but that's some incompatibility between a mother and a child. I think it's between a man and a woman and the way they have... It's probably bullshit, but it was something that people used to do a lot. I remember people talking about it. I remember people talking about it when I had a very, very limited understanding of biology. So I was probably in high school or maybe even before that. But I was like, what? Blood test?

They have to take a blood test? I'm like, what if you love somebody and you want to get married to them and you find out that you take a blood test and it doesn't work out? Like, how does that work? Maybe that's such a nature thing. Like, maybe if it's not meant to be, it can still work. Like, you know what I mean? Nature may work on this fucking base level. Yeah, it's still going to work, but that's letting you know it will work. Do you know what I mean?

It may still work fine if your scent is off. But the clothes thing makes sense. There was a girl I had come over. She would come over and we would fuck around. And her underarms would smell and it made me fucking bonkers, man. I was so attracted to her scent. She left a jacket in my house the fucking armpits i smelled the armpits for six months you're so fucked up it's

dude i fucking sniffed the armpits and i'm not a guy who's into toys or clothing like as far as a woman i don't usually want their panties um the girl I'm seeing now, I do though. I do. I want her. We're trying to figure out a way for her to FedEx overnight me her panties. I've never asked a girl to do that in my life. Ever. Tell her to put them in a Ziploc so they don't dry out.

Of course. Of course. Of course. That was number one. I'm going to tell her to tape the Ziploc so it doesn't open up. Yes. But I mean,

that's really ultra rare that I actually want that. But this girl's jacket hung in my closet and I fucking smelled it. It drove me crazy for months. I'm having deja vu. What did you say? Today's parent says that you should be getting blood tests too for genetic screening because they can find out if you're going to have potential blood diseases oh that type of stuff yeah yeah but that's today's parent is that a website yeah who's that knows that um

a common practice I mean it says uh this was like an article that says tests you need to be getting before pregnancy and there's like a pre-pregnancy checkup. For the man and the woman, right? Yeah, prenatal vaccinations and then sexually transmitted diseases you need to check for too. And genetic screening, it says. So they just do like probably overall blood tests. Yeah. It's very interesting because you don't hear about that anymore.

It's not like, you know, you don't hear about that from doctors. You don't hear about that when people are trying to get pregnant. You don't hear about that from newlyweds. You just don't hear about that from doctors. You don't hear about that when people are trying to get pregnant. You don't hear about that from newlyweds. You just don't hear about it. The blood tests. Yeah, like getting blood tests to make sure that your kids would be healthy. Well, I wonder now, though, if there's so much stress put on disease shit, like AIDS, that we still say get a blood test and get tested and all this stuff is handled,

but maybe we just don't talk about the other aspect of it because the big one is HIV or whatever. Or, hey, you you gotta check to see what diseases your family has. Maybe we're still talking about it, but it's just not being phrased the same way. Well, this is why I don't think it's true because we went to a very good doctor and I have kids. I never took a

fucking test. Just shot loads in there and made kids. It is the way to do it. I mean, I just don't... I don't know. I mean, maybe... I don't know. I mean, maybe, I don't know. I don't know about the science of all that stuff, and I just don't know why it was never discussed. But I do remember being a kid where that was a big

deal, like, that a parent, these two parents would get a blood test before they got married to make sure they could have kids, and I just never hear about that shit anymore. Yeah, I don't even remember hearing about it back then, to be honest. But it does make sense. Like, hey, let's just see if there's going to be, like, if there's an obvious problem

that will show up through the blood test. Well, how fucking weird is it that you could have a different kind of blood than me? Like, your blood might be A, and mine might be O. Like, your blood is in my body. I'm fucked. Yeah. Like, my body, it's not even compatible.

That's what's so strange. It's like, we vary so much biologically that we have different kinds of blood. Yeah. And one is not good in the other. Yeah. I mean, there's some bloods that are universal. I believe it's O positive is a universal blood donor. Anyone can take it.

Yeah. That's what I have. I believe that my blood can go into other people's body and it's okay. You can find out if that's true. I don't know what I am. I probably should know. Yeah, you should probably know. I don't.

Your arm is 50. Jesus Christ. I know. I'm busy. I didn't ever check that. I'm busy. It was getting panty sent to me. I know.

I know. I'm not really big on the undergarments, though. I mean, a couple girls have had them. I thought they were sexy. What is it about women wearing those stockings with the straps that go up to the underwear? They're so hot. Because you're seeing something you're not supposed to be seeing. Universal red cell donor has type O negative.

Oh, O negative. I think I'm O positive. Universal plasma donor has AB blood type. RH, hmm. In general, RH negative blood is giving to RH negative patients and RH positive blood or RH negative blood may be giving to RH positive patients.

Universal red cell donor has type O. O negative blood type. Hmm, I need to figure out what I'm talking about. Yeah, I don't know much about the blood stuff at all. I mean, for me, it's just what drives me sexually. I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I don't know much about the blood stuff at all. I mean, for me, it's just what drives me sexually. I know what I...

Well, it is weird how some people can be really pretty, but you don't find them attractive at all. And then other people are not nearly as pretty, but you think they're so sexy. I've dated people who... Well, there's trigger words that we all like. So a good trigger word, that goes a long way. It's not

the dirty porn words. You know what I mean? You like that shit? Oh, shut up. No. See, for me, it's not a series of words or that kind of shit. I'm not, I don't guess I'm not as dirty as you. But for me, it's just a personality thing.

Oh, that means something. It's like someone who's comfortable. Like, someone who's comfortable in their own skin and fun to be around and passionate, you know, but also, like, affection like affectionate like affectionate to me is very sexy so you have different things we all have those things i actually yours is better because to me that's a more normal thing to be and then just a healthier thing without needing bells and whistles and fucking juggling and and you know and if i see a woman with like perfect features and she's cold and she's not not friendly and nice,

I don't find her attractive at all. Yeah, it does nothing for you. But a woman who's way less classically attractive, but she's very affectionate and very kind and sweet and fun to be around, I find that very attractive. That will vary for me from person to person. I can go with kind and sweet, or I can go with certain words I like when they say it. Some people just get it, and they know how to talk, and they know your fucking triggers, and it's just, it's an ownership. For you.

For me, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got weird kinks. Yeah, man. Although not as crazy with this, again, the person now, not crazy. I just like her, or I love her, whatever the fuck it is. Like, what is it, though? Have you ever, like, tried to examine, like, what are kinks? Like, where is it coming from?

Like, what is it about, like like trigger words and weird things and weird? Stuff that like gets you turned on like what and what is it how you're interfacing with the world? Is it how you're you're choosing to address all of your issues and that you can escape them with like really like crazy? Behavior and that like maybe you have all these anxieties and neuroses and that through this really bizarre dirty talk and freaky behavior you can escape those because it's so naughty it's so off the because you're not a normal guy right none of us are if we're working in show business if you're a stand-up comedian right you're getting paid to talk crazy shit on stage right you're not normal right your your world isn't normal you wake up whatever the fuck you want unless you have to do

a radio show right so it's a different the whole world you live in is different And then you have all this kinky shit, and then you get added addictions to dirty stuff And so like whatever it is about like a girl saying something like that She's gonna go with me on this crazy duration of fart in my mouth. Yeah Yeah, it's like you're you're like escaping the the troubles just for a brief moment with all this insane behavior it could be that and i don't know sometimes i wonder like with any it's almost like if you eat too much ice cream there's diabetes that will come with that that could be the diabetes like just too much excess and all of a sudden it instead of three

to make this effect it takes 11 it's just it you can't get the same effect from the same thing. Like when I was growing up, I loved lesbian porn. I fucking loved two girls. Oh, my God. It drove me nuts. Now, please. Are they related? No, I'm not interested.

It does nothing for me. You know what killed it for me? When I was on news radio, one of the guys who was a writer on news radio was a very nice guy. But he was a nebbishy sort of fellow that had problems with women. And he was a writer on news radio. And in his moonlight time, he used a pseudonym and wrote for porn. Oh. And so he took me to a porn set.

It was my first porn set ever. And it was Jill Kelly and Janine. I'm sure you know who those are. Jill Kelly. I know the name. Janine, I don't know. Janine is the one that used to be married to the Jesse James character, the biker guy.

Oh, yes. Beautiful woman. And her thing was that she only did lesbian porn. That was her thing. Right. So, I'm on the set and it was just so like clinical. Very.

Like it was weird. Like they were they were doing this scene yeah that's her yeah she was on blink 182's album cover she's beautiful beautiful woman right so she's um she's got this scene this lesbian scene i think she was like a cartoon character that came back to life or some ridiculous shit right is that what she looks like now oh Jesus is that a yeah but is that like a smart hairdo that's a mugshot she went to jail I forget what she went to jail for but yeah not good anyway things go south yeah right that's what we were talking about earlier some of these gals they get a little older and all that the pressure of the forbidden behavior just the societal pressure and all the things that led them to be that way in the first place

come crashing down on them but for for this scene like the two of them were on a bed and they were eating each other's pussies and there was like this uh you know there was a a sound guy with the fuzzy mic that's on a stick that was hovering over him and then there was a another guy that was over there doing something he was literally eating a sandwich while these girls were eating each other's pussies like he was so disinterested and then there was a director and then they were kind of aware that we were there watching so she was sort of putting on this sort of self-conscious show like and in between like takes they would, they would, like, they go, okay, cut, and she would, like, keep eating her pussy, and she would say something like, I love my job, I love my job,

but it was, like, convincing herself that she loved her job, and it just, like, super bummed me out. Yeah, I've been on a bunch of those sets, and you're right, but there's different energies depending on the set, like, I've been on, I hosted the award show, the AVN with Jenna Jameson, so I got to go on one of her sets and watch. She actually was doing a lesbian scene.

Her husband at the time, Jay, I guess, was directing it. And that was like a fucking set. There was a wardrobe. There was craft. You know what I mean?

That was a set. It was a high-end. Did you eat at the craft service or were you like, yeah, I need this. No, I thought I just... Hot dogs and tacos. No, I think I just watched her eat pussy i'm like this is jenna

jameson she is the biggest ever in this business you have to watch this happen and then we went on another one i saw another one another day where it was like a lower budget average budget where it was two guys and a girl and like the girl was in between the two guys and but the director was going come on more let me a little bit more a little bit more of that and they're they're amazing people that they can function sexually under those conditions yeah totally unsexy the sexiest one i saw was like a very low budget like a guy like one guy with a light and one guy holding a fucking camera and a couple and they were like a couple who was real amateur and so it felt more like sex um and i don't think the guy could get hard for a little while he struggled a bit but they were They were like a couple who was real amateur. And so it felt more like sex.

And I don't think the guy could get hard for a little while. He struggled a bit, but they were real people. Right. That was the hottest one because it felt the closest to real sex. That makes sense. That's like, yeah, that's actual sex. I don't like them. A lot of people like those.

The sounds are too much. The faking it. Stop it. Yeah. Stop it. I dated a couple of girls in porn, like minor, and one girl would blow me, and I could never come from her. She had a good head, but it was like, you know, that's not good. Hey, hey, hey.

Settle down. Easy. Just a little fucking pecking up and down. You know what freaks me out when they gag on purpose? Like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. There's nothing for me. A little gag. Who likes that? There are guys that like that. A guy named Brandon Ir hey. There's nothing for me. A little gag. Who likes that?

There are guys that like that. A guy named Brandon Irons. He's a Canadian guy with a giant dick. And he would always, he's a fucking, he was a big porn actor for a while. I remember the fucking Joey Silvera. You know Joey? Yeah, I know who that guy is. Joey's a good friend of mine.

And I met him at the award show in 2000, January of 2004. But he's an older gentleman now, right? Oh, he's kind of, late 50s, early 60s maybe. Does he still do porn? Oh, no, he of 2004. He's an older gentleman now, right? Oh, he's kind of late 50s, early 60s, maybe. Does he still do porn? Oh, no, he shoots it. He shoots a lot of trans porn. Joey is a fucking, he's a naughty boy. He's a great director because he loves it.

He loves directing because he likes what he's doing. So the first time I did The Tonight Show was like September of 2004, I think. And I watched it at Joey's house downstairs. Wow. And I've seen so much porn shot in that house. And Brandon Irons was upstairs with his girlfriend. Anyway, Brandon Irons is a throat fucker. Like, he's the guy. Look up

Brandon Irons someday. That guy, he's a Canadian dude. I think he's in Canada now. He will fucking rip a throat apart. And it's not my thing. But I think I asked him, like, don't you ever get your dick bitten? Like, it just seemed like such a hard way to have sex. Right. And I don't like a girl to be uncomfortable.

Like, you know what I mean? Spanking or whatever, but I don't like to feel like I'm menacing somebody. That's just not my energy. Well, the other also problem is, like, if you get hard, if that's, like, exciting on film, like, is that exciting to you in regular life? Or is this just, like, an act that you're putting on in film? And, like, how do you, like, sexually, how does you in regular life? Or is this just like an act that you're putting on and filming? Like, how do you like how sexually,

how does it translate? Or can you do both? Right. He might be a guy who just can get his dick hard anywhere. Like Nacho Vidal could literally fuck during a house fire. He's just one of those guys that nothing matters to him. You know, Rocco Soffredi,

these guys, or, or, uh, Manuel Ferraro. Like these guys, the men impressed me more than the women just because they have to keep their dick hard. And I don't know a lot of the newer guys.

I just don't really watch as much with big names. But the fact that these guys can function under these conditions, whereas my dick is very, very susceptible to having an issue. Well, pre-Viagra, there were real superstars, right? There were real guys who were just freaks. And now, there's, like, chemically enhanced superstars. But even with Viagra, there were real superstars, right? There were real guys who were just freaks. And now there's like chemically enhanced superstars. But even with Viagra, I've lost heart on it. I haven't taken Cialis in over a month. I think maybe it's been three, actually three or four months now.

I just stopped because my dick was horrible without it. I'm like, I can't. Even with it, it was like my dick was kind of half-masked. I'm like, you're training your body wrong. Right. So I stopped taking it. Did you talk to someone who gave you that advice? What, to stop taking it? Yeah. No, I just knew. I knew myself because I was taking it at the wrong time and I So I stopped taking it. Did you talk to someone to give you that advice? What, to stop taking it?

Yeah. No, I just knew. I knew myself because I was taking it at the wrong time and I wasn't even horny. I'm like, if you need one, take it.

But I haven't in so long. So you were relying on it psychologically too. Oh, God, yeah, all the time. If I thought there might be a chance that night, I'd pop one, a Cialis, go to the cellar

and hope for the best. I was a true optimist. Sitting there with a boner. Yeah, and it would make you feel great, but I didn't need it.. I was a true optimist. Sitting there with a boner. Yeah, I mean, it would make you feel great, but I didn't need it. So I was thinking I didn't need it. So I was like, eh. What's a genius thing that nature's done

to make it so that there's all these different factors that keep you from getting erect, right? Nervousness, fear, anxiety, which makes sense because you really shouldn't be concentrating. Like, for a human male, sex is so overwhelmingly interesting, right, that if you could get it up in the face of danger, it would probably be terrible for your survival mechanisms.

Right. Right? Do you read a book called The Midnight of Good and minute of the good with the midnight of good and the garden Of evil, what was that? The Kevin Spacey was in the film. Yeah good and evil in the midnight garden or some fucking up I know what you're talking about midnight in the garden of good and evil. Yeah, I never read that in the garden I read the movie. I know I there was one thing in the book I remember years ago Wow something happened and the. And the guy's fucking the girl.

And somebody came. They were fucking outdoors. And there was a bad guy who was coming with a gun or something. And she said what she remembered is that they couldn't move. But she was like, I remember he stayed hard while he was inside me. Like he kept his erection. I don't even know if it's fiction or nonfiction. Something tells me it was nonfiction.

But I could just be hoping. I've always envied guys like that, but I could just be hoping. I've always envied guys like that, but I'm not like them. It's a funny thing to envy. Well, yeah, people who are healthy. I envy people who are kind of healthy. That's not necessarily totally healthy, right? Because if you're really healthy, you'd be thinking about your own survival.

Someone's got a gun to you. That's true. Well, no, he was just in the area. He wasn't. Right. But yeah, but like the way you are or the way other guys are who are just like hey man i kind of like this girl and we connected and it feels right like those guys i i envy are you ever completely comfortable like have you ever like relaxed were you like totally no at peace good question no and i've thought of that recently like i'm not comfortable around my

own friends like i love my friends i'm guys comfortable around them right but i'm other times i'm really comfortable. Yeah. Sometimes on the radio when we're, we were going back and then when there's no time to think when there's like fucking six or seven comics in there and you're just being animals and everybody's moving and punching and shitting on each other. I'm very comfortable because there's no time to reflect or think you're just

kind of doing what you do comfortably. Um, but in that environment, I'm, I'm, I realized it after like wow I felt like just really alive and great Right in the moment in the moment exactly it flowing in a flow state doing something and not thinking Yeah, but when I'm thinking I'm always worrying about this or that's which is what fucks me up in sex

Yeah, but no, I'm not comfortable too often Which did you have you ever tried to be yeah i don't know what to do like i think it's all shame based so i'm trying to like i figure if i talk about things that helps um but if it doesn't look if it hasn't helped to the point where you're never comfortable now at 49 it's like boy this whatever this pattern is that you've followed your whole life right might not be the way to do it. I mean, I'm just guessing. I think you're a psychologist. No, but that's a good point. I mean, it's like, I don't know why I'm never comfortable. I'm not sure, but I'm not. But that's why I'm asking is asking you about yoga. And that's why I wanted to ask you about meditation too. Just a wonder, like maybe you can train your mind to relax when

it comes to certain things or train your mind to not entertain so many neurotic thoughts or train your mind to concentrate on positive things and eventually build that up the same way you build up endurance. Like for like we were talking about those guys doing that exercise where circling a person's body like you burn yourself out unless you did it all the time. Or like my friend Cam runs a marathon a day. He's used to it. He does it all the time. Like maybe you can do that also with your point of view like maybe you can do that also with your mindfulness with just thinking about the world itself around you that you could maybe not entertain those those same thoughts these neurotic thoughts maybe those thoughts maybe it's akin to like an endurance racer giving in to the idea of discomfort and why don't I just quit now?

Like maybe there's the same sort of thing. Maybe these are mental patterns that you can sort of stray away from, keep your mind on a positive track and like come up with some sort of like really good ways of thinking about things. Because you're obviously a very smart guy. And you're obviously a very sensitive guy. You think a lot, you know, but if you let that thinking and that sensitivity sort of run amok without any control, without any discipline, that seems to be the issue. And I've, I've had those issues myself in the past, which is one of the reasons why I bring it up. I mean, I'm not, I'm way healthier now at this point in my life than I've ever been before because I've really worked at it

and worked at being at peace and being calm and and then also I've worked at all the extraneous sort of influences that fuck with that and to sort of eliminate them and then use exercise sort of as a drug in a lot of ways like there's a one of the reasons why I exercise so much is because if I don't, it's not like a looks thing. It's a mind thing. Like if I don't strain myself, if I don't, if I don't do something really difficult all the time. You do it every day.

I do something five days a week. I don't do it every day. I'll have days where I take off, but if I take more than one day off, my body starts going, what are we doing? What are we doing? It's almost like you have a dog that you don't walk. You ever have a dog? Yeah. No, no. But I mean, I know it. This is one of the reasons why I thought about it way back in the day, because my dog would be so much calmer if I went and played with him for a few hours. So if I took him for a walk and threw the ball and he ran around, he'd be chill. But if I didn't, he'd be like, come on, what's going on? It's like, do I have a neurotic dog? No,

I have a dog that doesn't get any exercise he has physical requirements for him to be content and I think people have physical requirements for them to be content too but I think unlike people or unlike dogs rather people can go on these sort of downward mental spirals of of self-hate, of self-analysis, of neurosis, neurotic thinking. You can get yourself in these really bad patterns of like shitting on yourself or looking at yourself in a negative way. And I think you tend to gravitate towards these negative things sometimes and then you realize it and then you bounce back. But it's like what is causing you to gravitate towards them and why can you never achieve just a few moments like an hour or two where you just

like chill we could just sit at home and and just read a book and have a cup of tea and just do you ever feel like that where you're just comfortable and relaxed watch a movie on netflix and chill out it's always restless you know and you talk about the mental patterns And changing the physical stuff is what I got to do first. Bring the body and the mind will follow. So I have to stop doing certain things. And this thing of not cheating on this girl is a, because I've not cheated on girls before when they were here. Right.

But she's not here yet, and we're still in a relationship. And for me to not, it's miraculous that I'm not. And we had a fight recently and i almost did i started fucking tech and i'm like no you can't this is what you do you sabotage things and that's why you're so um and i've been going kind of up and down lately but it's like whenever you're not doing something you it takes a while for you to adjust and go like all right when you feel something now you got to feel it you can't feel it and then run and go on eros did you ever go to a therapist oh yeah many many well there's one i went to she was very nice but once i started getting familiar with them you know there was

one time i forget why i was really fucking suicidal and i called her i don't like calling a therapist but it was a bad day and i was talking to her remember what triggered it no it's usually the same stuff around feeling like a failure. Just the same shit that everybody has the same feeling like I'm worthless. So I talked to her and I'm, uh, she was being nice, but she was not being helpful. And I didn't want her to rescue me, but I wanted her just simply to give some kind of an answer or trigger me to ask myself a question. That's what therapists do. They, they trigger you to go, why am I doing?'s my fucking that's what

their job is not so she was she just not very good at it no she was like yeah no I know yeah no I know just kind of empathizing a little but I'm like I don't need you to fucking empathize with me I just need you to just give me a suggestion or light say something't just be, okay, this is where we're at. All right, no, I'll see you next week. You really might not. You know what I mean? I didn't say that to her because I'm not a fucking emo girl, but I just was like, all right, whatever. But I can't be in therapy with her anymore.

Right. Well, I think therapists are probably a lot like comics, right? There's really good ones and there's really bad ones. Sure. There's ones that some people think are really good and you might think suck. You know what I mean, there's just. I haven't gotten in years. I mean, a few years.

But I feel better now than I have in a long, long time. Like, I'm happy now. I'm just, I'm fucked up lately because I'm kind of going through this huge change. But other than that, I feel better than I have in a long time. Like, life is good. That's good. I love the radio show I'm doing. I have fun with Sam.

I really do. Like, you know, I enjoy working with Sam. He's a fucking goofball and I have fun. Right. I love the radio show I'm doing. I have fun with Sam. I really do. I enjoy working with Sam. He's a fucking goofball, and I have fun. Right. I love doing the thing with Matt. I have fun doing that stupid fucking... Chip is the biggest thing in my life, and I love doing it. That character, Chip Chipperson, why is it the biggest thing?

People love it. The podcast, they're going to hate this week because we did it in LA, and the women didn't know who Chip was, and it was a very ugly experience. Who were the women?'t know who Chip was and it was a very ugly experience. But last week's... Who were the women? They were just from this... Maria Menounos' boyfriend, Kevin Undergaro.

He runs this place where they do all these after shows. He's a huge Chip fan. So he's like, hey, while you're out here, you can use my studio because I have a podcast because that's...

Chip has braids. Yeah, it's a different hair every week. I can't look at it. It's fucking humiliating. I love the face you make when you do them. So you put a different wig on every week? Every week't look at it. It's fucking humiliating. I love the face you make when you do them. So you put a different wig on every week? Every week, yeah, the glasses. Those are glasses that Colin Quinn gave me

to fucking wear. It's so awful. But the last one we released is a live one, and it's the people. It was an hour and 20 minutes long. We did it at the Village Underground, and it sold out faster than anything I've sold in years. Humiliation.

Well, it's such a fucking ridiculous character. You know what it is? And it was a fun show. I had Colin, Anthony, fucking Sam was on. Who else did I have? Fucking Bobby Kelly. And it was just so silly. I think it's almost like everybody's greatest fear

is to be that unaware. Like that's a weird, like why do people like this? Because the jokes stink. They're fucking terrible jokes. And they're said with conviction. But Chip always has people around him who know him.

Doing it this week in LA was me and Sam. And X-Pac was on who's a fun guy. But he knows me as Chip. The wrestler who fucked China in the porn. He was an ex-wrestler. He's a great guy. He, me as jim the wrestler who fucked china in the porn he's an ex-wrestler he's a great guy he uh he's more than a guy who fucked china but that's usually the

reference people don't know we'll know um but he knows jim so he's like hey chip he's trying to go with it but he doesn't know what to do right and these fucking four girls that have no idea because kevin wanted it to be a train wreck fucking kevin undergaro Kevin Undergaro, he wanted it to be a train wreck so he had these girls, he didn't tell them who it was, he goes, yeah, Jim Norton's gonna be there,

it's a huge podcast from New York. So I fucking do it and they're trying to go with it and Chip's just an abrasive cunt. That sounds great. They didn't know what to do. I was, it's the only time

I've ever been humiliated doing Chip. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable and I also, like, this is what it's supposed to be this guy stinks and he's supposed to be disliked because people who are in on the joke love the joke you know they and they get that the jokes are awful so the fun part with people who love it is to at times give one like my ex-girlfriend really knew chip and there was times i would do when it was so bad and she would go

oh even for you that's fucking terrible like she loved don't you think that the people that love Chip will actually love this episode then

because it's Chip interacting with people who have no idea who he is if they really love Chip if they understand who Chip Chipperson really is

they're going to go fucking bananas I can't even watch it dude I can't watch it. I was embarrassed doing it. Because Sam co-hosted it with me. I'm like, dude, was it that? And he goes, it was really uncomfortable.

Now I'm compelled. I want to get it. There are people really who didn't... Did you videotape it too? We videotaped every one. Audio and video. And it's on YouTube for free. Is it on iTunes as well? All for free,

yeah. I make a little money from the ads and I said I want to charge for the video. I want to do something with it

someday. I don't know where it will go. We've only been doing it a few months. I've had 25 episodes.

We do one a week. He does live reads. Look at this. Yeah. Give me some volume.

Fucking slammed you Go ahead Fucking hit him Carl Watch this What's the pants you're wearing Go Those pants are awesome Fucking bury him

Oh now Bob you look like a Honolulu hipster Yeah what's that say Fucking Honolulu hipster. Yeah, what's that say? Fucking Honolulu hipster. Fucking upstate New York, you piece of garbage. Honolulu's in Hawaii, you fuck. I know, stupid.

It's just nonsense. Now, when did you... You came up with this character when you were on ONA. What made you do this? Girlfriends hated it. I think we you do this? Girlfriends hated it. I think we talked about this. Girlfriends drove me. They hated it so much because it was humiliating.

It got a reaction out of them. I just kept doing it. It was so much fun. A lot of times, Anthony at first hated it, but then Anthony started to love it. But then Opie never loved it. It was always kind of fun to do because I knew deep down, Uncle Paul, he hates. So knew like deep down Uncle Paul he hates

so I would always do Uncle Paul just to fucking make him sick because he couldn't get with Uncle Paul Anthony of course could are you more comfortable now doing it without him the radio show much much oh yeah we stopped liking each other I mean the reality is you know I don't really mean I don't wish the guy

bad in his real life like I don't want bad shit to happen to him. But we simply stopped liking each other. So, I mean, but he was enjoying his afternoon show much more without me than he was with me. I got the morning spot for whatever, you know. I think the company just was annoyed at him or whatever. They liked that me and Sam were hungry. But his afternoon show was good.

I mean, you know, him and Sherrod and those guys, they were having so people didn't like it they didn't like it but he sounded like he was having fun um and he was loose got him fired like what what happened what the technical reason was was um he had filmed roland campos our booker taking a shit um now i know opie well he filmed me doing it in 2009 but he was being a goofball i don't think he was trying to be degrading, just being an ass, and then showing it to, I think a couple of the comics, and I guess,

I don't know exactly, I heard about it after the ball had already been rolling, so somehow, Roland got nervous that he was going to release it, and maybe Opie was, I don't know what Roland said to him, I really don't, but I think that it got back to one of Roland's bosses

and then the head of the talent department spoke to him. And then once human resources got involved, then things change. And I remember there was a clip of, it was getting bad and there was another producer in the studio named Paul

and he was videotaping it and I think he had been on Roland's side and he thought Opie was being a dick to him. He's like, you're being a dick to me. And Opie's like, yeah, because you chose Roland in this whole thing. Like making it a public thing that was really uncomfortable. And then Paul goes, yeah, well I thought it was wrong.

And then Sherrod goes like, ah, he was having fun. We all saw the tape. He was enjoying it. He was laughing. And when I heard that, I'm like, oh no. He just said we all saw the tape. Saw the tape. Like that just made it. And again, maybe they were going to fire him anyway.

I don't know. Like they don't tell me that shit. But he thinks that the company was out to get him. I don't know. And again, I don't know what they said to him privately. But to me, he had two months left on his deal. And no company wants to fire you two months out because of the potential...

Lawsuits. Lawsuits. They would much rather let you ride it out and then just not re-sign you. Well, Sirius is in a weird place because of podcasts. Yes. I mean, it's just in a very weird place. The idea of paying money for these talk shows

that are going to get interrupted by commercials and to have to listen to them only when they come on and not have them on demand. It's such an inferior distribution method. Well, they are on demand. Like now they're on demand. On your phone? An hour after it's up, you can get it. An hour after it's up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But live. You can listen live on the phone and get it on demand. What I'm saying is on your radio. Like if you're in your car and you can't just pick, I want to listen to Tuesday's Opie and Anthony show or Jim Norton and Sam show. I can't just pick that. I don't know if you can unless you have a phone. There might be a way to do it.

I have to be a phone hooked up. I think so, yeah. Right, but I don't think you could do that. Like Sirius Radio is only playing what's playing right now. I think so. I'm pretty sure it is on my car. I don't know. On my car, I mean, I don't have a thing where I could just

pick an episode how is a podcast played in a car you just get there's a bunch of different ways one you can do it where you could stream it live through YouTube some people do that and you just play the audio and if you have it set up you can play the video some people do it where you uh you're on stitcher stitcher is a low bit rate version meaning it's uh the audio quality is not as good because it's compressed but it's way quicker to download so if you have some sort of a plan where you want to get uh less data per month a lot of people use stitcher or they just get it off of itunes but the thing about it is that you just, if you have your phone Bluetooth up,

you literally, all you have to do is press play and it'll immediately play like whatever episode. You can scroll through, you can scroll through our stuff. If you go to... It works with Siri now too on the new operating system. Oh yeah. You can just like ask for it.

Yeah, you could play it for Siri. But if you go through, have you ever done, do you use it? Do you use iTunes? Or the podcast app? I never look at podcast standings. These are all my most,

the recent ones of all the ones that I subscribe to. I can just take one, click it, and boom, now it's playing. I mean, that's just incredible. It's done differently on Sirius, yeah. The app you have to use, but the on-demand is pretty good, but I think it's an hour after it airs, you can get it forever, I believe.

That's good. I don't re-listen to the show. I mean, I never listen to our show. I listen to it on drives. I'm like, wow, I kind of like it. It's new. We finally got Anthony back in the building. He's allowed to come on as a guest?

In the building. I fought for three years for that, and literally right after he got fired, they let Anthony back in. After Opie got fired Yeah, I'm not saying Opie kept him. I don't know to be really honest. I don't know I don't think that he actively kept him out No, do I know the real numbers like do they ever tell you how many people are actually never never?

I don't know if they know I mean, I don't know how they would track that they may But they don't I've been a part of me is like I really want to know cuz it will give us Negotiating power and a part of me is like I really don't want know because it will give us negotiating power. And a part of me is like, I really don't want to know. But the fact that we're getting raises, I think we're doing okay. That's the only way I can tell is that I know that they want to keep me every time the contract is okay. We must be doing okay. But no, I don't know what the numbers are. It's amazing how quickly it became a different thing.

I remember when Howard went to Sirius, it was like, wow, hallelujah. Finally, we're going to get uncensored radio. And then it became, well, it's still just radio. It's still just radio. It's still live, and now you have to pay for it. Now it's $10 a month. I mean, he made out like a bandit. I mean, he made ridiculous sums of money from it.

Sure. But where's the future in that? It just seems like that's a – it's almost like investing in – I mean, if you're someone who's got a piece of that, it's like, where's the future in that? It just seems like that's a, it's almost like investing in, I mean, if you're someone who's got a piece of that, it's like, where's that going? How are you going to keep, you can't even use it in a tunnel. You know, the thing with Sirius,

and this is scary for job security, but Scott is good at getting big name talent, like a Beatles channel and all this stuff, and they're good at getting good name, big name people doing shows Craig Ferguson's on there now Craig's on our channel, yeah, on our faction You guys are all on faction now?

Faction Talk, yeah, I hate the name because it doesn't say comedy but whatever it is what it is It's us and then Camino and Rich and then Ellis and then Craig and then Nick DiPaolo who has a very funny show He's hilarious. Nick is a fucking savagely funny guy. I love that guy.

I do too. He's just a fucking raw fucking bark out a joke funny guy. Like Nick is here's the thing about Nick he's never afraid to try to be funny.

Like I've done a lot of projects with him. We did Tough Crowd for two years. I've just done a shit load of stuff. Like Nick will fucking fire lines out and I've always admired him

for that because sometimes they work sometimes they don't. But he's unafraid. He's a funny fucking dude. And he's unafraid to bark stuff out and be who he is. Like, I love that. And he does a great show.

He's a really surprisingly good radio guy, like, with going to breaks and all that stuff. But yeah, Anthony's doing- Well, he did it for a long time with Artie, remember? That's right. Yes, I was on that show. Nick and Artie show. But I remember watching the one blowout that they had where Nick was trying to do some read that they had to do and Artie just wanted to kind of fuck off.

Yeah. You can't let it get to you like that. We've had the blowouts. I've been through them. I've seen them. Me and Ant never had one. I love Ant. I just wrote the foreword to his book.

I don't know if I'm supposed to say that, but too bad I'm proud of it. I fucking love him. And he's doing a show with Artie now, right? The AA show. I fucking love him. And he's doing a show with Artie now, right? The AA show. The fucking greatest name. They had a great billboard for it, and it's really funny, man. It's really funny. Do you have to subscribe to listen to that?

You do, to the compound, yeah. How much does that cost? I honestly don't know. I do pay for it, though. He offered me a free one, but I'm like, I'll chime in. I mean, I'll fucking, I'll chip in. And it's doing well for him, that whole compound meeting? Oh, yeah. yeah yeah he hasn't skipped a beat his life is fucking doing great yeah isn't a great thing both are mug shots the real legit mug shots yeah that's hilarious they did it yeah

compound media i like how he called it compound media too because oh look at the aaa show a great poster september 5th now can you get that on your phone oh yeah you can get You can get it on an app? Yep, I have the Anthony Comey app. You can listen to it in the car? You can listen to it in the car. But yeah, I love him, too. He's one of my favorite people ever. He's literally somebody who I don't think I'll ever not be close to. There's no one creative.

Like, I love Sam. I love all these guys I've worked with. But Anthony, there was a weird, it's a comic thing that happens when you're going back and forth with somebody. It's an energy you're exchanging. And with him, dude, there are Jim Nortonorton laugh compilations i never listen to my own shit i don't listen to the old show i can't listen to it but those i can listen to because they're all anthony just making me laugh it's not me saying funny shit it's anthony saying funny shit that every time fucking gets me like he would literally make me laugh like that wheeze laugh that an

audience member gets yeah i'm like i never get to fucking feel that way. He's not even, what's crazy is he's not a stand-up. He's not a stand-up. He's done it a little bit, but in that room. Did he? Yeah, he tried it a couple,

like in Montreal a couple years ago. No shit. Just to do it, yeah. After he'd been fired? Oh my God. No, no, this is when Opie and Anthony were supposed to do a show together

to host a comedy show in Montreal. I was part of the show, but Opie went home for some reason. He flew home a day early. He didn't want to do it. So Ant just did it by himself and hosted the show and started shitting on the comedians. And he was really funny. First time ever on stage, he was fucking funny.

Wow. But in a comic room, Patrice said that about him. He said, Anthony can access funny faster than any person I've ever seen. And Patrice didn't hand out he was not known as the oh boy that guy doling out compliments again like that was not patrice's reputation but anthony has that ability to reach in and grab funny from anywhere and he's as fast as any comic we've ever had on there's never been a comedian in there who was faster than him they've been as fast as him guys like patrice or burr or genius but there's no one who's ever been able to go in there and run circles around Anthony.

Right. It's staggering how fucking funny that guy is. Yeah, it is weird. It's like he's a comic who never became a comic. Like, that's how I've always felt about being around him. Yeah. And even Dice said that about him. When Dice was shitting on Opie and Anthony when they had a feud together, he was saying

that Anthony's actually talented. That he's actually almost like a comic, but he never did it. He never did it. And Anthony has an ability. Brewer actually almost like a comic, but he never did it. He never did it. And Anthony has an ability. Brewer's an amazing storyteller, too. An amazing storyteller. Whereas Ant could do that. He would talk about being a tin knocker and stuff I have no knowledge of or interest in.

And he would have me on the edge of my seat listening to him talk about it. He just has a gift for explaining things and for walking you through it. Louis has that. The ability to explain in an amazingly interesting fashion. And Anthony can just jump in and out of voices and do impressions.

I mean, I never get sick of rambling about him because I got to work with him for a fucking decade. I got to work with the funniest guy in the fucking world for a decade. Like,

as much as it sucks that it's over, like, I'm grateful I had that. Would you want to do it again? A hundred percent. I mean, have you thought about doing that? I would love to do it again? A hundred percent. Have you thought about doing that? I would love to do it with him and Sam. Me and Opie don't get along anymore, but I would love to have Anthony with me and Sam.

But again, he's got his own show. It's not going to happen. But I love... Sam and I have a very good chemistry and a comfort level. I like him and I trust him on the air. And with Opie, it just got bad. I'm not blaming him. It's like, hey, I was half the problem too.

But what about you doing a show with anthony like a compound media you know compound media is again it's a more enclosed environment than serious is right and because of gigs and other things i got to promote i just kind of i wanted to stay and also serious pays more and i didn't want to negotiate against anthony i just couldn't i was like hey i wasn't going to use him as a negotiation tactic right i didn't want to do i couldn't do't do it. I'm too close to him. And I always kind of secretly wanted him to come back. And when he came back, the first day he came back, I mean,

seeing that fucking... We went to a Springsteen... No. Who played? Oh, Guns N' Roses played at the fucking the Apollo. So this was like right after Opie got fired. So I saw Scott Greenstein that night, or Andrew, and they're like, yeah, he can come in. Anthony can come in. I'm came in. I'm like really like yeah, you can come in. I'm like great I texted him come in tomorrow the minute he could come in and

But security hadn't been told so I'm on the show and I know ants coming in It's gonna be a fucking surprise for the audience, but he's being held up at security because in fairness They needed an email from Scott. They didn't know that had been okayed right? I took about an hour or 40 minutes, but he got up. And seeing him walk down that, oh, fuck, it was so good. Look at him there.

Yeah, he was happy. You very rarely see that on his face. It was so good. But you just go right back into that. And Sam is so perfect in that moment, too. You just kind of go back into it, and you flow, and, you know. So I miss him a lot, but.

Uncensored conversations conversations they're just hard to come by and when you're under the corporate umbrella you're not really uncensored there's always going to be something that you can't say something can get you in trouble which is why i was always encouraging you to do a podcast like way even way back in the day yeah i was like you should branch out you should do something on your own on the side i feel like people wouldn't want i've always felt people wouldn't want it or they were sick of me or they're not interested. But again, the closest I've come at this point is fucking dumb chip. I may

do my own someday, but I'm literally loving doing that. It's freedom and it's fun. Do what you love then, but you know, I mean, I know you love doing the Sam and Jim show too, but I really feel like even that show would be bigger if it was just accessible to everybody and not on serious

it might be and again we have one more year left on the contract and it is something i would do as a podcast it absolutely is something i would do as a podcast but they don't want to say one thing in their favor besides the fact like yeah there's human resources and you know you can't go around fucking grabbing clits they never fuck with us creatively. Like, literally, never. Yeah, but there was that whole thing with Condoleezza Rice, where you guys got kicked off the air because you had the homeless guy. Here's what that was. You're right.

Homeless Charlie. And he's like, what about that Bush bitch? He was just a funny fucking dude. Here's how that got pushed. That was before SiriusXM merged. And what almost happened was that made it to fucking Breitbart or Breitbart and then got onto Drudge

and then became a big deal. And I heard later that the people who were making that a story were the people who worked in Terrestrial Radio who did not want that merger to happen.

So the only reason the company pulled them off is they were literally scared that it was going to hurt whatever they needed in Congress for fucking, to make the merger happen. To make the XM series merger. Yeah, so they were saying, that it was going to hurt whatever they needed in Congress for fucking, to make the merger happen. To make the XM series merger.

Yeah, so they were saying, is merger in danger? Like, once that got out there, and fucking either way, we shouldn't have been off the air. But as crazy as it was, that's where Terrestrial Radio saved us because K-Rock,

who they wanted me off the fucking show, those cunts, I fucking hate that. They wanted you off K-Rock? Yeah, because the ratings weren't as good as they used to be, and they thought I was the problem. It's like, hey-Rod? Yeah, because the ratings weren't as good as they used to be, and they thought I was the problem.

It's like, hey, fucking shitheads, I was there in the afternoon before syndication. I was with Lovie and Anthony before they were ever... I love people who go, yeah, dude, you suck. I remember Philadelphia before you were on. No, you don't. It didn't happen before I was on. There was no Philly show before I was on. I was always there on syndication.

So whatever. Anyway, they want to... You have arguments. People aren't even here. I know, I know, I know, I know. I do that. I literally will do that alone. Dude, I didn't realize that people don't talk to themselves.

I didn't realize that. And with Chip and the characters, and I've talked about this on our show, I do it all the time by myself. You have conversations by yourself? Full-blown Chip, Edgar. Out loud. Oh, full volume talking. literally do them in character once in a while if I think of something is Edgar I'll say it a lot of Edgar yeah he's another one he's a bad

character he just has dry teeth he said there's not a whole lot to him but I would do him because Anthony is he touches you with a sharp fingernails it's an ugly thing an and Uncle Paul I I do them you do them when you're alone completely alone wow and I do um when I'm alone if I drop something I'll go okay that's about it I'll walk around and talk to myself in full-blown conversation like uh this is this is not not I am actually embarrassed to admit this I took a shit today and I got up and I was done and I went to the fucking to look at my computer

and I had to shit again immediately and I stood up and out loud I said oh that just jostled a little more loose and I walked back to the toilet I said those words to myself alone I do it all the time dude I thought everyone did that

but Sam's like no I'll think things, but I don't say them. Yeah, I would imagine most people think things, but a few people talk to themselves. I'm sure I've done it on occasion, but it's not a normal thing. In the shower I do it. Out loud, just full conversations. For me, when I'm alone, I'm happy to not talk. I talk so fucking much.

I talk so much doing a podcast, so much doing stand-up, so much doing UFC commentary. When I I cannot talk at all I'm fucking happy. Yeah, I don't know what it is It's like things that just kind of come out or I work through things or I work through this girlfriend's argument You know, whatever it is in the moment and I logically Talk things through But yeah, that's where a lot of the character shit comes from is I'll start thinking of it

I'm talking a weird voice and there'll be something that resonates with me And I'm like I'm stuck in my fucking head man And once it's stuck in my head Then I bring it out on the air and that's when it gets stuck in everybody else's head like if it's bothering me for a Month it's you're gonna hate it. You know and I like to bring that stuff Out that's where that shit comes from just being single. Okay, okay lonely. I gotta wrap this up. Okay, baby single This is so much fun. Joe. I gotta get home with my family. Oh, always a good time, brother. Anytime you're in town, man.

Just let me know. Let's do this more often. Can I plug my tour? Yes. Yes. Nearly room only. All tickets are on sale if you want to go. And I'm in Dallas and Austin this week and the money's going to the hurricane victims.

I hate saying that. It feels cheesy, but I feel worse going in there prostituting tickets. Right. And go to the, check me and Sam out or go to Jim Norton.com and I'll go to chip Chipperson. Riot casts. YouTube has all the chip podcasts up there. And, uh,

this one this week is going to be a fucking doozy. Jim Norton, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks buddy. That was fun.