The Joe Rogan Experience - #1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: October 18, 2017

Greg Fitzsimmons is a writer and stand-up comedian. He also hosts his own podcast "FitzDog Radio" available on Spotify.

Is it working? Is it live? It says it's live. Gregory, we're live. This is it! This is it. Yep. There's definitely more of an echo in this room. We're gonna have to do some tweaking, ladies and gentlemen. This is episode number one in the new spot. Uh-oh. Jamie's fucking up already. Jesus. There's extra mics on? I had all the mics on. Oh, the back mics? Those are off now. Oh.

That sounds better. Yeah, it changed everything. Yeah. You're a wizard. How'd you notice? You could feel it. You could sense it in the room. He should be behind a curtain like the Wizard of Oz.

Yeah. What color was the Wizard of Oz's curtain? It was green, right? I don't know. Yeah, green. Wasn't it? I know a tiny green. Emerald City, right?

Yes. Yeah, right. Right. Emerald City. Gregory, welcome. I feel so happy to be here on the first episode. Dude, I'm honored. I'm honored that you're number one.

Yeah. Perfect. Seems perfect. Yeah, this is perfect. Fuck. It's crazy, right? Yeah, this is perfect. Fuck, it's crazy, right?

He just gave me a tour of this place, and it's like, I saw the first half and was like, what the fuck is he going to do with all this space? The back half is bigger than the first half. Well, it's going to be a gym. Yeah. An actual full gym. I don't like going places. Do it all right here.

Got your tank, your sauna. There's a 47 47 yard indoor archery range in here yeah yeah that's gonna be badass yeah it's why not fuck it yeah but the the big thing is to set up the studio and to have it as close to the old one as possible i mean basically we built it sort of the only difference is the sky uh thanks to octolights, now we have clouds in the sky instead of stars. We decided to mix it up a little bit, change the curtain color. I love that it feels the same as the other one, though. Pretty fucking similar. I mean, the dimensions, are they exact, the dimensions? Very close.

Very close. And this is a standalone. I mean, this was built. So it was built to the same size. I mean, this was built. So it was built to the same size. I mean, this did not exist. So this is all constructed. Basically, I had all these ideas like, well, I'll do it this way, and I'll do it this way, and I'll make a table that's different.

And then as time went on and I started doing the planning and everything, I said, you know what? I don't think I want to change much at all. Like this table, first of all, is giant. Like I love this table. And it's got all this weird history to it. It's got a little bend to it. Yeah. Well, when we got it, the wood hadn't been kiln dried.

Yeah. Yeah. So when wood sits out or it goes anywhere, it gets damp. And then when it dries out, it starts to warp a little bit and change and shift. So it's got a little warp to it. Yeah. I like it. This desk got history.

It's got history and the red brick wall looks exactly the same. Yeah. Pretty close. Pretty close. We're rolling. Jamie's over there in his spot. It's pretty close. I mean, it's like, it doesn't, I have to remind myself that we're in a new spot. That's over there in his spot. It's pretty close. I mean, it's like,

it doesn't, I have to remind myself that we're in a new spot. That's perfect. Yeah. I mean, after we do a few episodes here, we'll be like,

oh, this is the spot. After a fight companion. Yeah. Especially once the boozing starts again. Once the boozing and the weed starts again in November. How hard has that been for you?

Easy. Really? Super easy. Like, the other day we went to Mexican food and I wanted a margarita and I went, Once the boozing and the weed starts again in November. How hard has that been for you? Easy. Really? Super easy. The other day we went to Mexican food and I wanted a margarita. And I went, damn, I can't have a margarita. That's it. That's literally my only craving.

People talk to you about like, because the initial thing wasn't quitting weed. The initial thing was just getting Bert Kreischer to not die. So our idea was like, let's see if we can get him to go sober for a month. And he was like, I can run a marathon. I'm like, stop. Fuck this. You're not going to run a marathon. Well, like, listen. How about instead of you running a marathon, we just have you do 15 hot yoga

classes. And they're like, oh, that'll be easy. I'm like, you guys haven't even done one. You don't know if it's easy. So now they're slogging away through like, I think they're all at like number six or seven right now. Do we have video of Bert in a hot yoga class? No video. No.

But they take videos after him and Tom get out and they're both beet red and covered in sweat. It's pretty obvious they went through it. The towel is just drenched. Yeah. But Bert has done amazing. First of all, his blood pressure has dropped radically. Wow.

He was actually on high blood pressure medication. Yeah. And after this, after stopping drinking, just immediately his blood pressure dropped like radically. Yeah. So like he doesn't even need blood pressure medication if he doesn't drink. That's amazing. The only thing that's doing him in is the booze. Right.

So, and then, but people would come up to me about the weed so the weed wasn't in the original bet the original bet was just no booze yeah which i thought would be pretty easy and then they're like all right we're gonna go no no weed too and i was like no weed fuck you like i'm just doing this for burnt like i don't want to stop smoking and then i they were giving me a hard time about it they started this hashtag pray for joe campaign because i was addicted to pot so i initially thought i'll just get off weed and not tell them until the end and go it was fucking easy pussies yeah but then ari was making such a big deal out of it i say actually dude i'm not smoking pot either just to

let the cat out of the bag tom cigar already knew but um people come up to you like like you're not eating for a month like you okay yeah right how do you feel yeah are you're not eating for a month. Like, you okay? Yeah, right, right. How do you feel? Yeah. Are you off heroin for good? But it's such a part of, I don't know, for you, it never seemed like an addiction. Drugs, for my vision of you doing drugs, is it's always mind expanding, and it's always just to relax. It's never like an addiction. It never felt like you needed to.

I definitely don't need it, obviously. Because I've had some great sets, too, which has been very interesting. Because I usually like to go on stage high. I haven't done that at all, though. No pot for 17 days. Is that what today is? What's today?

The 17th? So no pot for 17 days. Where do you miss it the most? Before going on? No. I haven't missed it. Wow. It's been weird. I was like, maybe there's going to be a moment where I'm like? No. I haven't missed it. Wow. It's been weird.

You know, I was like, maybe there's going to be a moment where I'm like, wow, I'd like to have some weed. I'm a little nervous about smoking again. Yeah. Because I know I'm going to get so high that I'm going to be so paranoid. And all these demons are going to come creeping up into my consciousness again. All the paranoid psychic demons. They're just going to come floating by. It's like that first orgasm after you get your prostate removed.

Yeah, man, for real. You know, like once you're back, you know, it's just, it just seems like, it seems like it's going to hit you way, way, way harder. That's what everybody says. You take a month off and then you get back on the pod. Then you know why everybody freaks out when you get them high. You know, because we're so used to getting high that when we get high, it's no big deal. Yeah.

But when people don't get high, and they're like, oh, I'll smoke a little weed with you, but they haven't smoked pot maybe like six months or something like that. Yeah. Those people are fucked. Right. They're in a bad place. Yeah. I got a nice, easy rhythm going.

I got the little vape pen. When I'm on the road, Thursday, Friday night, a couple hits, that's pretty much it. And you never do it before shows, right? Never. Never, ever. And you took a long time. When I first met you, way back in the day, when we first started out, you had just quit booze. Right.

Like just quit. Yeah. And you weren't doing nothing. No pot, no booze, no nothing. Like what was it that made you realize, I could smoke a little weed? It was New Year's Eve of 2004. Whoa. I turned 48.

2004. Whoa. So I had not smoked pot for 14 years. Whoa. Or drank or anything. And then I'm standing outside of the Improv in San Francisco, and I'm with, I won't mention the manager's name, but a manager who smokes a lot of pot that we all know and love.

And the entire cast of the Marijuana Logs, it's Doug Benson, Tony Kameen, and Brian Posehn. And they're all there. It's just like a weird thing where, you know, I don't know if you've ever done New Year's Eve in San Francisco, but there's like three different venues that all do comedy. You know, there's Cobb's, there's the Punchline, and then there's a big theater, the Palais, the Palace of Fine Arts or whatever. And then there's an after party at the Punchline. And it's the greatest after party. Because usually you go on the road and after your show

you're just kind of alone. Maybe you got your opener or whatever and you hang out. But this is always like, you know, every comic in San Francisco comes together and I'm standing out front and they're standing there with a joint and they hand it to me and I just felt like this is the moment I'm supposed to smoke pot again and I did and uh and then the weirdest fucking thing happened is um I went down

to help Molly you know she had a um a van coming from the palace and she had a box of booze that had been the backstage bar and she's carrying a bottle of vodka and she's walking towards the steps and this group we were talking about san francisco homeless people before group of like you know they're like 21 and they're like street urchins they're like you know it's almost like yeah the warriors come out it's like that type of person and they grab the bottle of booze out of molly's hand and i'm standing there with todd barry paul f tompkins and like i think greg proofs there's like two guys in suits and so they grab this bottle from molly and she chases after them i'm like what the fuck are you doing that's not your booze it's the club's booze and she runs right in the middle of them and they uh she grabs the bottle

and she's fighting with this woman over it and these guys are surrounding her and i run in and i grab her and start pulling her out but at the same time guys fist cocked waiting to take a shot at me and i'm yelling to these guys hey how about a little help here and nothing and so uh i kind of pull her out of there and we half run away and then as we're walking up the stairs they threw a blockbuster an m80 oh jesus and it landed right near us and it blew out oh and um there was a lesbian people don't know what that means it's a firecracker like a super big it's an eighth of a stick of dynamite is it really that much yeah that's what an m80 is jesus christ i didn't know it was that powerful yeah i mean you feel it in your chest

and uh blew out molly's hearing for like a year and uh people were crying. It was like really traumatic. And I'm high. I'm like, this is the fucking worst. After 14 years, I was just like, fuck, this is nuts. I was walking the girl back to the hotel because she was sobbing. It wasn't Tig. It was a lesbian comedian who had a girlfriend with her. And yeah, it was fucking crazy. Whoa. Yeah.

Yeah, we were talking about how San Francisco is just a little bit too lenient with their homeless population. They're just a little silly with it. And we were talking about how they have it mapped out where people shit in the streets now. So you could avoid human shit. Yeah. It's either a website or an app. I'm not sure which one it is. But they're basically keeping up-to-date human

poo stats. How do they know it's human versus dog? Probably smells worse. People are gross. Maybe there's a little toilet paper next to it? My dog's shit all over the house last night. My dogs, I have a young dog and two old dogs,

right? And my big old dog is a mastiff, and he's super cool with every dog. Any dog comes over, hey, how you doing? Yeah. He's super friendly. But my little dog is kind of a twat. Is something going on with the lights? What?

They just dim? They're turning off. Oh, they're turning off. Oh, scary. Scary, spooky. What kind of dog is the little dog? What is that, Jamie? It's the motion sensor.

That's why we're getting it replaced. Oh, so things were not here. Yeah, it's getting replaced. Oh, well, how do we fix that? That's dumb. Okay. Anyway, the little dog is a, he's not that little. He's a medium-sized dog, I guess.

He's a Shibu Inu English Bulldog mix, right? Nice. And he has an issue with any dog. He's a little cunt. Any dog is like, grr. Yeah. And the puppy is 11 months old. They have a golden retriever.

He's the sweetest dog in the world. Oh, that's great. He's the best. But he can't go near the Bulldog. The Bulldog bit him in his face when he was a puppy. No shit. Really hurt him. Put a big cut in his nose. Whoa nose i had to take him to the vet it was so two of the dogs sleep in this

one little contained area but they opened up the door and wandered around the house and just took a shit in the middle of the living room pissed on the wall and they did all this because the other dog is in the house the other dog is in there house. The other dog is in there like, well, if he's in here, we're just going to shit all over the place and mark this place up. They'd never done that before. So it was really interesting. Like dog psychology. Like they were pissed that the other dog gets to be in better spots than them.

So they just decided to shit in the living room. Wow. That's a statement. Shit. They's a statement. Shit. They made their statement. You know, it's funny because the big one, I could have him with the new dog, no problem. He loves them.

They play together. You know, he has a great time, but I just don't trust that other one. So what are you going to do? Shoot the other one in the head. Hunting accident? No accident Just keep them separated I can have them around together when I'm there He's a cool old dog

He likes people He loves people People come over he loves you He's a very sweet dog It's apparently an English bulldog trait They just do not like other dogs They just don't They're tough dogs And they have don't they want all the dogs and

they and they have a lot of health issues they fucking wheeze he's had two um surgeries on his knees both his front knees are fucked up yeah he's just got like they just it's a terrible thing what they've done designing them like that taking them and putting them into this shape that it's really not supposed to exist. Shortening their nose. Yeah, it's like it's really fucked up what they've done. Yeah, that breed may need to be put down. Well, it's weird.

Like, why? Why did anybody decide to have a dog that has a flat face, that can't breathe, that can't walk very good? They're always in pain, so they just want to lie down. Like, those dogs, they're not ball chasers. Right. You throw a ball to an English bulldog, he's like, fuck off, man. I'm not running after that thing. Everything hurts.

They just waddle everywhere. Yeah. You know? It's weird because the original bulldog was a dog that they literally used to use for what they call bull baiting. a dog that they literally used to use for what they call bull baiting. What bull baiting is, they would tie a bull down so it couldn't go anywhere, and then they would sick the dogs on the bull. That's what a bulldog is.

Yeah. It's like sport. What was the point of that? I don't know. Just to fuck with the bull? I'd have to look into it. No, I think it was like a betting thing. Oh.

You know, it's like a blood sport thing. Oh. It was like a blood sport thing. That's originally what a bulldog looked like. Do you know what an American bulldog looks like? No. American bulldog is sort of pit bull-esque, but larger, much larger. American bulldog has got kind of a pit bull-like face, sort of a flat nose nose but nothing like an english bulldog they're really smart dogs they're very good dogs like a buddy might had one and it was a great dog they're tanks they're like this big jacked up like like but a totally functional dog like they run they

use them for protection they you know they're they're just really good dogs and the English version of them is like what that dog is is like I might be fucking this up but I think they took that dog and somehow or another bred it down to this really gross cute fat flat nose shitty breathing English bulldog

did they want it to look like the royal family? blah! yeah they had them had them their faces their sisters only fuck your sister only fuck your sister and they took those puppies no no you can't fuck fuck your sister okay and then your babies fuck each other your babies fuck each other yeah oh you look fine it was irish just i don't know man just it's weird that they all came from wolves you know a wolf could fuck an english bulldog and get it pregnant that's what's incredible it's like the no shit the

genetics are the same and they didn't know this until like i want to say less than a decade ago yeah they used to think that all wolves were like wolves and then dogs were like a combination of a bunch of different things wild canids like jackals and coyotes and all these different things and that we had somehow or another bred them down because there's no real record of how anybody ever did that and if you go back to the history of domesticated dogs it spans over 10 000 years so it predates human history yeah we really don't know how the fuck anybody made a chihuahua. We just know that it's chihuahuas. Right.

I know that the first domesticated dogs were the ones that basically were, you know, docile, that could come near the fire. Yes. And so the ones that were friendlier and nicer kept and they killed the other ones. I put up a picture on Instagram yesterday. kept and they killed the other ones. I put up a picture on Instagram yesterday. I reposted something somebody sent me where this fucking lady found a young coyote and she thought

it was a dog and she washed it and they put it up on Facebook. And she's like, it's kind of aggressive, but now it's sleeping and it's like a little coyote and this lady's washing a fucking coyote in the tub. And are people just writing, Lady! Get it out of writing it's it's kind of hilarious period that just fucking lunges at her taxer there it is look

at that oh my god chamberlain road no collar seems a bit aggressive also it doesn't like bass but she was pretty dirty took took most of the night but she's resting comfy now on the bed look at that thing that is a fucking coyote obviously and it's obviously a little one too yeah it's probably a young one like a yearling or something yeah you can't domesticate a coyote but you can in a weird way uh i know a guy who um i don't know him, but I follow his Instagram account. I forget his name. Shit. But anyway, oddly enough, this guy has dogs that he uses to hunt coyotes with, which is really crazy. Hunt to kill?

Hunt to kill. And he found coyote puppies in a den. And so they found these coyote puppies in the den, and he felt bad that these little coyote puppies, like, I don't know what happened to the mother, so they raised one. So he took a coyote puppy in, and now it lives with him. Wow. Yeah, and it gets along. Like, the only problem is when they feed it. Is that him?

Might be. Could be. Wow. Yeah, so he's got— Looks like a German shepherd. Yeah, but he's had it since it was a baby. The dog, I think that is, I don't know if that's him.

But this guy has all this video of it on his site of him with this coyote puppy with his other dogs and they're all barking together and shit and he said the only problem they get along great until it's time to eat. And when it's time to eat, the coyote's like, fuck off, everybody, fuck off.

This is like full feral as soon as it's time to eat. But he's had the thing since, I think he said it was like a couple months old when he got it. Wow. Like just freshly weaned. That's amazing. Yeah, you can raise them. But they're wolves. Coyotes are wolves. My friends have a dingo. That's amazing. Yeah, you can raise them. But they're wolves. Coyotes are wolves. My friends have a dingo.

What? Yeah. Did it eat the baby? Dingo ate the baby! A dingo ate my baby. And this thing is the same way. If you got some food on the counter and it's four feet off the ground, that fucking thing, you leave the room for one second, that food is gone.

Yeah, they're just feral. Yeah. What's funny, my puppy was like that when he was little. It's like I was, I mean, that's how puppies are. But I forgot because I haven't had a puppy in a while. And I was eating and I put some food on his plate and he saw it and he was like, oh, I want some of that. He jumped up, put his feet on the table, leaned in and tried to bite it and got a piece of meat in his mouth. And I was like, hey, fucker.

And I'm like, I got to teach him this. Yeah. Because they don't know. They feel like, well, the food's right there. Time to get the food. There's the food. I see it. There it is.

It's right there. Yeah, our neighbors were having people over. They were having a party and I was over there and they had a husky, a fucking badass Alaskan husky. And this thing was, you know, beyond puppy. It was big. And they had meatballs, Swedish meatballs, like four platters of them right out of the oven, still fucking hot.

And they left the room and they came back and they were gone. He ate all of them? All the Swedish meatballs. Hot. He didn't give a fuck. Yeah, he's like, here's my chance. Have a full belly or have a, you know,

burn your tongue and have a full belly or not. No food. And this is an Irish party. This wasn't like, there's Swedish meatballs and there's sausage. No. Irish is one fucking thing. And now it's gone. The Swedish meatballs are gone.

The dog ate all the food. Yeah. It's a weird relationship that humans have with dogs. Because, you know, a lot of people have dogs that sleep in their beds. They come with you places. They hop in the car. And then there's the assholes that have those emotional support dogs. Yeah, what is the jury out on that still?

It's a fucking ridiculous part of modern 21st century life. Yeah. That we allow that stupid shit i was in a fucking restaurant like a really nice restaurant this lady came in and she's a lady from real housewives she was one of those uh what's no not the show desperate housewives she's a famous actress i want to say her name very pretty lady oh yeah she hit the skids though um but anyway she's bringing brings in this fucking dog. And people are looking at her like, what?

It's a dog, like a golden lab, like a big dog. Yeah. And she brings this dog in, and she's sitting there eating. And this dog's on the floor where you might drop a fry or your fork and pick it up and wipe it off. And this dog's asshole is just rubbing on the ground right there. wipe it off, and this dog's asshole is just rubbing on the ground right there. I mean, basically, you have this animal's dick is, like, rubbing on the ground and rubbing on things and dirt on its feet. It's probably stepping in shit.

And people have allergies to dogs. 100%. Now you've fucked up their night. 100%. Yeah. And somehow or another, they can get a note from their doctor that says they're too fucking weak to exist without this dog with them 24 hours a day. It's an emotional support dog.

There's a lot of comics that have them. Yeah, but it's like a loophole. Like, Natasha has one, but she, like, openly admits it's a loophole. So she can bring the dog everywhere. She's got a doctor's note. Yeah. It says she's soft. Yeah.

I think it's, what's her name has to be, Eliza's. Does she have it set up? Yeah. I'm sure. That thing doesn't leave her side. Yeah. She'll make you watch it, though, when she goes on stage. Here, hold this, Greg.

Yeah, right, right. You're like, what? Yeah. I know. And then people finger it. I love, I don't. Not me. No, a lot of people do.

That's what I hear. I heard the dog waits for her to go out and then just takes its ass near it and starts running at you. It presents. Yeah, it presents. Just literally runs backwards. She's going to hear this and be so mad. We're kidding, Eliza. We're kidding.

Don't call her Eliza either. She'd get mad at that too. My name is Eliza. Eliza. You know, she doesn't use the last name anymore? Well, neither does, well, Christina is Christina P. now. Really? Sebastian Maniscalco is just Sebastian

now. A lot of white people getting crazy lately. Tig Notaro is just Tig. Is that cultural appropriation? To use a white person, to use only one name? I always forget. What's cultural appropriation? We need to constantly be reminded. I tweeted something today.

I was reading a fucking article and I almost punched my screen. They're saying that hoop earrings are cultural appropriation. Oh, no. Girls aren't allowed to wear hoop earrings. Really? Cultural appropriation. Damn. Do you know how fucking privileged you have to be?

Look at that. Hoop earrings criticizes cultural appropriation. Do you know how privileged you have to be? Like, how soft, look at that, hoop earrings, criticizes cultural appropriation. Do you know how soft you have to be to give in to that? To give in to that and how fucking dumb you have to be to say that. Yeah. You have to be so dumb. It's almost racist. I think it's the opposite.

It's racist against white people. No, it's racist against black people. What? They're jungle people that only wear giant fucking hoops in their ears? What I read was Latinas. Latinas are criticizing it and saying it's a part of their culture. Oh, it's their culture. Yeah, it's like people are just picking turns. Oh, I thought it was a black thing.

No, black people don't want girls to wear braids. Oh. Cornrows. Can't wear cornrows. Yeah, you can wear like regular white people braids. But little skinny braids? Oh. Cornrows. Can't wear cornrows. Yeah, you can wear like regular white people braids. But little skinny braids, that's cultural appropriation.

What about Goldilocks? She was white. What about golf shirts? Are they allowed to wear golf shirts? Right. They shouldn't be. If we started it.

If they're going to get crazy with these braids, it's not we. Green pants. Yellow belts. Here's the problem with all this we bullshit. The entire country is a melting pot of cultural appropriation.

You dumb cunts! Right. That is the whole idea of having a civilization. Yeah. Is that you get to share each other's food, share each other's recipes, listen to each other's music, listen to each other's jokes and stories, buy each other's clothes. Listen to each other's jokes and stories. Buy each other's clothes. There was this journalist that went to Japan, and they were talking about cultural appropriation,

whether or not they thought that white girls like Katy Perry wearing the geisha outfit was cultural appropriation. And they were universally saying, no, we're happy that people love Japanese culture and that they do that. They're happy that people love Japanese culture and that they do that. They're happy. Yeah. But over here, you get these fucking dummies that are just looking to complain and criticize and just call out everything and everybody about everything. Yeah. Oh, my God. Let's see this.

What is this? No. Jeremy Lin? Yeah, so he came out in the preseason, I think. He had dreadlocks in his hair, and a former NBA player called him out on it, Kenyon Martin. But Jeremy Lin's response to it was actually really good, if you want to check that out. Hey, man, it's all good. You don't have to like my hair.

I'm definitely entitled to your opinion. Actually, I legit grateful you sharing it, TBH, to be honest. At the end of the day, I appreciate that I have dreads and you have Chinese tattoos. There you go. Because I think it's a sign of respect. And I think as minorities, the more we appreciate each other's cultures, the more we influence mainstream society. Thanks for everything you did for the Nets and Hoops. Had your poster up on my wall growing up.

Oh, shit. This is what he said right here. That's really classy. Somebody really need to tell him like, alright, bro, we get it. You want to be black like we get it, but the last name is Lin, alright? Well, he's

a fucking... Wait, who said that? The other guy. Who was the other guy? Kenyon Martin. Kenyon Martin. Usually there's a picture of his Chinese tattoos. But it's been removed. Well, he's a dummy. And that Jeremy Lin guy is a very classy character for the way he answered it. First of all, dreads are not black. They were a sign of people not washing their hair.

That dates back to the Greeks and the Romans. There's ancient sculptures of Caucasian-looking people with dreadlocks. Dreadlocks were worn by the Vikings. It is not a black thing. Because some black people wear them does not mean it's a black thing. The idea that this is a real thing, this cultural appropriation that people go around pointing at people saying you can't wear your hair a certain way. Yeah. Like we're limiting hairstyles.

And it's just so many people are just looking forward to criticizing and getting shitty with people over almost nothing. Yeah. It's just. No, the whole energy of this country is supposed to be complete assimilation. Like you said, let's pick the best shit from each culture and make it just American hodgepodge. And that's what it's about with gentrification. You know, you want people to not all live in one neighborhood and all dress exactly the same as each other.

You want there to be a merging of different looks yeah different addresses sure working in different trades you know they used to be if you were irish you were a cop that's it that's what we fucking did you know we were cops or we were soldiers when we first came over here in like the 1860s during the famine they just we got off the boat hungry and they threw a fucking uniform on us and sent us in to fight front lines against the South. Or you were a cop. And then after that, they got into the trades.

There's a lot of Irish people in unions. Right. You know, a lot of Irish in the Longshoremen's Union, a lot of Irish in the, you know, the Carpenters' Union. Yeah. But look, fusion restaurants. What's a fusion restaurant? You take a couple different cultures, you combine their food into some sort of a unique thing.

And it was a big thing for a while. People loved fusion. Yeah. They loved that kind of food. And now there's a ton of people complaining when white people cook Mexican food. Yeah. Like there's this famous guy. I forget his name.

Can't be that famous. I guess he's not that famous. I forget his name. Can't be that famous. I guess he's not that famous. I forget his name. But he's a famous white guy who loves Mexican food. And he opened up a Mexican restaurant and all these people got pissed that this guy is cooking Mexican food. But this guy has been writing books about Mexican cuisine. He goes down to Mexico. guy's been writing books about mexican cuisine he goes down to mexico he learns how to cook authentic mexican dishes from people that live in these villages and towns in mexico and and like

has a deep love and appreciation for the culture of mexico yeah i mean this guy's essentially a mexican cuisine scholar and all these people give this fucking poor guy, that's his name, what is his name? Rick Bayless. Rick Bayless. And he's famous. I mean, I've read one of his books on Mexican food, and I've seen articles written on him and video interviews and stuff, and this guy is getting in trouble with other people. When chefs become famous, cooking other cultures' food.

You don't own your culture you fucking idiot. You know why? Because you didn't create it. You didn't invent pizza. You didn't invent pasta. You didn't invent Chinese food. It's been around for hundreds of fucking years. You were just born. You were born with a certain ethnicity. You don't own that

ethnicity. The idea that you can keep other people from enjoying it and appreciating the history of other human beings is fucking racist and it's stupid this this thing that we're getting into where we're criticizing people you know based on various aspects of you know culture that they enjoy it's insanity yeah it's insanity i I know. Think about how Italians have affected fashion in this country. Sure. I mean, from high fashion all the way down to the disco era.

How about rap music? Right. They were all calling themselves Gotti. Right. They were all calling Al Capone. Yeah. I mean, come on, man. I mean, how many fucking rap songs have Godfather lyrics in them?

Just cut the shit. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. And that's my culture. I'll tell you, you can have it. That's why I love one of the seminal moments in American culture was Aerosmith getting together with DMC and doing Walk This Way. That's what America is supposed to be. It's kids today looking to point the finger

at the world they see and looking to find fault in it and find fault in each other and it's this call out culture that we see. There's plenty of shit that's wrong in the world. There's plenty of shit. And I guess

this is just a byproduct of people having the freedom to communicate. I mean, I guess that's what we're seeing. But there's plenty of shit to really pay attention to. Jeremy Lin wearing dreadlocks isn't on that list. Girls that wear hoop earrings, they're not on that list.

It's just fucking... White kids that wear baggy pants? So what? Yeah, so what? Who gives a shit? Yeah, to me that's a sign that they're like accepting black culture yeah that they want to intermix they want to hang out together and share each other's fashions and ideas and drugs and women well the white people especially like from the suburbs have always looked towards black people that grew up in difficult circumstances and admired something about how tough they were or how,

how, uh, you know, street smart or how cool, cool they were. They were people that look, it takes pressure to make a diamond. You don't make a diamond in Sherman Oaks,

you know? Yeah. Oh, we went to the gallery. It was crazy. We went to make a diamond. You don't make a diamond in Sherman Oaks. You know? Yeah. Oh, we went to the Galleria. It was crazy. We went to the food court. We're radical. Yeah. No, that's not, you know, those people that live in these, like, safe suburban neighborhoods,

the one thing that the troubled kids coming up want to be, they want to be associated in some way with something tougher, something harder, something where people had to earn their stripes. That's why they have this love of rap music, especially gangster rap. I mean, that's always been an issue with young white kids. Since gangster rap was invented, there's always been, like, young white kids who live in the suburbs. I mean, it's always comical watching them sing the lyrics, talking about robbing people and shooting people and dealing drugs. And, you know, meanwhile, they're living in Thousand Oaks or something.

Yeah. Whose son was it? Was it, like, Tom Hanks' son? Yes. Yes. The big rapper? Tom Hanks' son is a rapper, and he gets so much shit. Yeah.

I don't know if Tom Hanks has commented on it, but it's got to suck. Yeah, because he's got to support him. It's his son. But the kid is like. That's him? Oh, my God. Does it say limo life? Limo life.

It says that on his knuckles? Oh, good Lord. Oh, boy. Poor Tom Hanks. He did everything right. What did he do wrong? Yeah, but he didn't do everything right. See, because he's working all the time.

Yeah, he worked too much. Yeah, if you're working all the time. Is that his son with the green hair and the neck tattoos in the lower right-hand corner? Click on that. That's the Green Day guy, isn't it? Is it? I don't know. Is it? Tommy Hilfiger's son.

Oh, so you son of a bitch. Tommy Hilfiger's son has limo life. He's a rapper as well. Oh, terrific. All you need is a neck tattoo. Yeah. And he's smoking cigarettes. Yeah. No, it's true. That kind of working too much.

Jamie's racist. All white people are the same to him. Yeah, what's up with you, man? Do me and Joe look the same to you? Tommy Hilfiger, Tom Hanks, same thing. Great. Same thing to Jamie. He's not that. He's not that?

I made tattoos. Sorry, this guy's not that. No, but think what... Oh, he's jacked. Damn, he's good looking. He's handsome. He's probably getting all the pussy. Oh, Howard Stern had a...

He's carrying two guns. Oh, no. He feuds with Howard Stern? What? He threatens him? Hold on. Go to that site. Visit, please.

What is that about? What is this? Tom... Scroll down. We could read that? Tom Hanks' rapper son feuds with Howard Stern, threatens violence. Make that larger, please. Tom Hanks' rapper son, Chester,

a.k.a. Chet Hayes, oh, his name is Chet Hayes, took to Twitter to threaten Radio Shock Jock Howard Stern this week after Stern questioned Hayes' gangsta credentials as the son of a famous Hollywood celebrity. Oh my

God, he joked that Tom Hanks must be annoyed that his son pretends to be a hardened rapper while he grew up in a Tony California suburb. I always love that word. Tony. I think people use it for posh. Where'd he grow up? Beverly Hills? Stern joked. That's... What a fucking douche.

So what did he say? What did he say? Hayes unleashed a torrent of tweets threatening violence, calling him a fucking jerry curled cunt what is he saying he said Howard Stern give your sorry ass white yuppie fans some entertainment

oh you can't say white yuppie fans when you're a white yuppie and invite me up there I promise I won't physically whoop your ass after Stern apparently stopped responding to Hayes he took the threats up a notch. Howie, do you have any idea how badly I am going to assault you when I see you? You can't run from me forever.

Knocked knees. Hayes then knocked Stern for not having much bread as his family. As much bread. As much bread. Oh, as his family. Despite the fact that according to Forbes, Stern is worth an estimated $95 million. $95? He gets $500 million every two years.

It's something crazy like that, right? Yeah. Howard Stern, it's a shame you don't hang the same circles as my family. Not enough bread for that. Cuz, C-U-Z. If you did, I would have already seen you. Tomorrow, TMZ or Gawker Will write an article About A-B-O-I-T

This rant and all I gotta say is Keep riding my dick bitches Aha Wow imagine if that was your kid Imagine if that was your kid I would choke him unconscious I would fucking take him down I would take his back and I would put him to sleep

And then I'd take pictures of my dick on his forehead. Yeah. Yeah. I'd outline it. That's intervention time. Son of a bitch. When you're threatening the greatest radio personality in the history of the known universe because he said you're a fucking goof.

Yeah. And what do you do? You act like a fucking goof. God damn it. Assault you. Maybe he is a badass. And what do you do? You act like a fucking goof. God damn it. Maybe he is a badass. I will assault you so hard. But think about it. Why can't a rich guy be a badass?

Maybe he is violent. Maybe he's a little fucking nuts. He likes guns. I've never heard his rap. Do we have any of his rap available? There are, I'm sure, rich guys who grow up rich who severely overcompensate because they feel like they live in this soft environment. Right.

So they fucking go to CrossFit every day and take jujitsu and become a hard ass. Yeah. I don't think he's on that list. No. I don't think Tom Hanks

was beating his ass at night. I just don't, I just think what he's doing is just trying to be hard. And trying to respond to Howard Stern calling him out about that. It's just like, come on, kid. Was your dad

not around? Can you call him and talk to him about it? He would say, what the fuck are you going to say? Don't say that. How old is he? If he's under 23, I'll give him a pass. It's almost like Gotti's son. Remember Gotti's son was always trying to be a badass. Well, Gotti's son was a criminal.

Yeah. Though, I mean, he was in the family. He was in the family business. I guess it's different with the mafia. Well, he's not like Dr. Dre's kid. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? He's fucking Forrest Gump's kid.

No disrespect, Tom Hanks. I'm a big fan. I love Gene the Green Mile. He's a great actor. He's the best actor. He's a great actor. By all accounts, a lovely person. Yes.

I don't know if he did his job or not. I mean, I'm just talking shit about him not being around, but I just got to assume that if you're doing that many movies... You're not around. It's hard to be. Doesn't he have a studio also? I don't know. I think he's got his hand in a studio as well. That's always amazing to me.

It's like you're being handed, literally, if you're Tom Hanks you're the first guy that gets offered every script that's in your age range that comes along. What are you gonna fucking produce also? What do you take on the headache of producing movies? Maybe he enjoys it. But what about enjoying hanging out with your family a little bit?

I got weirded out with him when he started doing those movies about the fucking secret, biblical fucking code. The Da Vinci Code? Yeah. I was like, did you read these scripts? Yeah, that was bad. These are terrible movies. You're goddamn Tom Hanks.

It was a bad book. How's a bad book going to become a good movie? They were just so clunky. Yeah. I was like, this seems to me like something someone does when they don't have anything else to do. And the guy who wrote the book, Dan something. Brown. Dan Brown.

He, I think, had a hand in the movie. So whatever chance it had of upgrading was destroyed. Well, I don't think they wanted to upgrade. I think it's like, I mean, did they want to upgrade the fucking, what is the vampire movie that the girls like where the vampire is allowed to live in the day? Twilight. They're not trying to upgrade Twilight, right?

They wanted to give them what made it popular. I think they kind of did. Are you a secret Twilight fan? I got a daughter. I've seen them, and they're fucking great. They're just really well done. They're really well done. Oh, my God.

Fitzsimmons, you're getting emotional. I can see the milk coming out of your nipples while you're sitting here. It's ridiculous. Dude, I just took her to see the Beach Boys last weekend. Oh, my God. The real Beach Boys? Well, it was Brian Wilson, and it was- They're alive?

Didn't one of them die recently? I think one of the brothers might have died, but it was Al Jardine who founded the Beach Boys with Brian Wilson. And then they had a couple other, then they had Al Jardine's son who can hit the fucking notes now. His son is a badass singer.

But it was just fucking great. They played the entire Pet Sounds album song by song. Oh, wow. And then they played all the hits and it was just fucking great they played the entire pet sounds album song by song oh wow and then they played all the hits and it was just me and my daughter just had such a fucking blast because she has she's 14 and she loves fucking like the mamas and the papas and the allman brothers and pearl jam and she's got amazing taste and she's a surfer. She's been surfing for five years, like three days a week. Wow. And the Beach Boys

are her favorite. And Pet Sounds is her favorite album. So that was my birthday present was two tickets and I brought her and she was singing every fucking word and we were laughing. We had a contest about every time you see a Hawaiian shirt, you get to punch the other person in the arm.

If you see a bald guy with a ponytail, that's two punches. Open-toed sandals with the Hawaiian shirt and the ponytail was three punches. So she wants to beat the fuck out of you. She fucking nailed me. Because I got bad eyes. She was spotting these guys from 100 yards away, wailing on me. What a psychotic game. At a fucking Beach Boys concert, you could get beaten to death.

Yeah, right. So, Kenison had a bit about the Beach Boys in the fucking 80s. He had a bit about the Beach Boys phoning it in

in the 80s. Oh, yeah. He goes, you can tell they're just looking at their watch. Wish they all could be

California girl. Right, right. I'll tell you what, though. Fucking gives you goosebumps when you hear it really really cause you well you realize

he's not gonna be doing this much longer right and uh you know I feel that way when I see the Stones I wanna see the Stones

it's been a great fucking show where'd you see the Stones I saw them in Giant Stadium and then I saw them at the Staples Center I heard Mick Jagger is uh very frugal

that's a nice way of putting it that's what I heard Mick Jagger is very frugal. That's a nice way of putting it. That's what I heard. Yeah. Like, how could you be? Yeah. He's got to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah.

He's still performing all over the world. Right. Just saving that cash. That's right. Putting it away for a rainy day. Well, he's got a lot of kids, a lot of wives.

That's right. He's got a bunch of baby mamas, right? But still, the money. Crazy money. He's got a bunch of baby mamas, right? But still, the money. Crazy money. He's got a recent one. Does he? Yeah, he knocked a chick up a couple years ago. Oh, Mick.

She's hot, too. I think she's Brazilian, and I think she's like 28 or something like that. And how old is he, 75? I feel like she's a ballerina. I feel like she's a ballerina. So if he's 75, you're guaranteeing that this child will experience his father's death in the first 20 years of his life. Yeah, unless something really crazy happens. Right.

Like technologically. Yeah. Like medical technology gets to some point where they can reverse aging. Which is apparently when you talk to people who are like legitimate scientists about this, they're like, this is not outside the realm of possibility by any stretch of the imagination. Like within our lifetime, it is entirely possible that they figure out a way to stop the aging process dead in its tracks. Yeah. Well, Silicon Valley believes it. All those dudes have got think tanks going for cryogenically saving.

Well, cryogenics, I would imagine if you do it regularly, I bet that adds. You're talking about cryotherapy. Cryogenics is actually freezing the body dead. Right, right, right. Cryotherapy, I would think, would add some time. Well, there's a company in Northern California that takes the blood of young people and injects it into the bodies of old people. the blood of young people and injects it into the bodies of old people and there's anecdotal research and research with mice that points to the fact that

it's supposed to radically improve behavior and energy and mice and conversely when they take the older mice's blood and they put it in a younger mouse and younger mouse, and the younger mouse is like, what the fuck? The younger mouse starts acting like an old mouse. No shit. Yeah, and so we had Eric Weinstein on the other day who works for Peter Thiel, and Peter Thiel is that billionaire guy in Silicon Valley who, he's the guy that funded that Hulk Hogan lawsuit

against Gawker that crushed Gawker. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because they outed him, apparently. They outed him as being gay, and he was really pissed at them. They wrote some really shitty articles about him. And he was like, all right, fuck you. How about I just use my money and crush you? Wow.

And so he went after them. No shit. Yeah, apparently he's offering the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault, he's offering each one of them $100,000 to go after him. Wow. Yeah. assault he's offering each one of them a hundred thousand dollars to go after him wow yeah this guy he's he's like he's an interesting very interesting character but super rich super smart and doesn't give a fuck and so the the rumor was that he was doing this therapy but since i've then i've heard that that's not confirmed what's that jamie yeah fetal teal is not harvesting the blood of the young.

That's a good picture. Was it Elon Musk, though, trying to work on some kind of life longevity thing? Is he? He's probably working on everything, that fucker. He makes me feel really stupid. He was at a comedy show once that I did. Oh, yeah? With that chick that he just dumped, Johnny Depp's old girlfriend.

And I got legitimately nervous. Legitimately nervous. That he was in the audience? That he was in the audience. Yeah. I know. Especially because I have a bit about inventors. Yeah.

I mean, a guy, like, I, as a comedian, and I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, in order for me to be able to get on stage in front of hundreds of people and take the reins and go all right you hundreds of people are gonna all shut the fuck up i'm the funniest one of them i i merit you all being quiet for an hour you have to do mind games with yourself sometimes like especially when you're starting out and so you have to sometimes if it's a gig i'm intimidated by i'll'll think to myself, I'm smarter than everybody in this crowd. And I know I'm not, but I have to tell myself that. That's a ridiculous thing to think. And then it's so hard when you get up.

And I remember I did a gig at this very hipster place in New York. And Johnny Depp was in the audience. And he was with some fucking model who looked like she was literally starving to death. And everybody in the crowd was just in black and they were all hip and I really felt like, and I said it on stage, I go, usually I just tell myself

I'm better looking and I'm richer than everybody in the audience and tonight I realize I'm the poorest, ugliest person here. What a stupid thing to try to convince yourself. I'm the best looking man alive. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Greg Fitzsimmons. Here I am.

Bald. Here I am. Wrinkled. Short. Just shimmying on stage. But that's the mind game. That's the trick. It's like visualization.

But why that trick? You're supposed to... Because I get scared. I get intimidated. Not anymore, but when I was starting out, I used to all the time. Well,

when I come back and I look at like starting out, when you and I both started out, we were both like 21. What the fuck does a 21-year-old have to say about anything?

Yeah. We're so dumb. know like i imagine myself today going on stage at 21 like being in the room watching myself go on stage at 21 and just thinking what a fucking idiot yeah like you don't know anything about life yeah you're basically fresh out of high school just paying your own bills for like a couple of years. Yeah. And here you are talking into a microphone. We're grown adults. I went on stage exactly 16 days after it was legal for me to drink.

Yeah. And you got middle-aged people that have real jobs. Mortgages. Mortgages. Guys who got back from the war. People with college degrees, master's degrees. And you got middle-aged people that have real jobs. Mortgages. Mortgages. Guys who got back from the war. People with college degrees, master's degrees. People who've pulled people out of burning buildings.

People who've lost friends in gunfights. Widows. Yeah. 21-year-old talking to a widow, trying to make them laugh. Fucking idiot I was. But there's no other way to do it like dane cook said this once and it was a very um insightful thing he was like if i had to do it again like if i had to start comedy again i really don't think i could do it he's like it was just it's so overwhelming the idea of starting again, like 10 years in.

Yeah, but that's kind of what we've done with podcasting. We started over again. Yeah. I mean, we had momentum because we had been in entertainment, but I feel like it was the healthiest thing in the world, the podcast, for me, because all these years we were doing stand-up, and you get to a certain point where I always think of it as, like, your bottom and your top rise over the years.

They should. They should continue. Like, the worst bomb you're going to have now is so much higher than the worst bomb you would have had five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago. Oh, yeah, for sure. And so you do need to challenge yourself. And, like, with the podcast, it's a whole different rhythm. And you're not getting immediate feedback. And plus, it's a business.

You've got to build it. You've got to get your equipment. And you've got to sell ads and all that shit. And it was like, for me, it was really good. It woke me up again. Like, oh, yeah. It gave me confidence that I could do something new. That's interesting because you were already doing the radio show.

Right. Well, I did the podcast about a year after I started the radio show. How long have you been doing the podcast? Like eight or nine years. Yeah, I didn't think of it at all that way. I thought of the podcast as just fun. Yeah. Just something to do for a goof.

And I did it for years, like irregularly, before I ever wound up committing to it. But like every few weeks and then a couple in a row? Yeah, like, do it in the green room. We would do it in the green room. Joey Diaz would always get mad. Shut that fucking thing off. You guys are always fucking online. You're fucking around online.

Shut it off, Joe Rogan. He would get mad. I'd be like, people like it. You wasting your fucking time on the internet? Yeah. I was relentless. That's, like, the biggest part of his life i know his podcast is gigantic for him yeah yeah i just did it the other night he was so high he he fucking gave me the he i forgot where his studio was so i said send me the address against who sends me the address i fucking pull up on this dark road and i go to i go oh he must

suck fucking switched his studio or something because this isn't the old one. So I go, oh, what the fuck? It's a house. I guess he's doing it in the back of his house. I fucking ring the doorbell. It's his house. It was so high he gave me his fucking home address instead of the studio. I'm texting him. I'm out in front.

Dog, I don't see you out front. I'm looking. The fucking street's empty, Greg Fitzsimmons. And I walk in and he's chewing down those, what are they? Black Star something? He's got a bong going. He's had mushrooms. Lee Syatt is sitting there. His

eyes are shut. His eyes are shut. I don't know how he sees the equipment. Lee can't handle it. I don't know how he does it. Lee can't handle it. You can look in his eyes sometimes. Like, I've been on a show before and when someone says something, I always feel like we're having a conversation. Someone says something, I go what do you mean by that? And then we're having a talk.

But if you say, like Lee said something, I go what does that mean? And he was like It's him locked up. It's just way too high to have this conversation. He was talking about how He was like, it seems like audio is the thing of the future. I go, what?

What do you mean? And he goes, well, it just seems like people, they're always on their phones while they're on TV or they're watching a movie. They're talking on their phone or they're looking through their phone or they're listening to things while they're doing other things. I go, what? I go, wait a minute. You're listening to things while they're doing other things. What? Wait a minute. You're listening to things while you're watching TV.

What? Who the fuck was playing with their phone while they're watching TV? And he's like. He's in a fucking paranoia wash over him like a tidal wave. I'm like, I've got to leave this poor guy alone. He's too high. Joey makes him do everything he does. Not only does Joey do that, Joey swaps edibles on him.

Like, Lee, try this. It's only 50 milligrams. And he'll take a 500 milligram pot and he'll put it in the wrapper of a 50 and twist it back up. It's mild. It's mild. I have four of them. And so he gives him enough to make you reconsider your existence in the universe while he's running the soundboard and he doesn't fuck up he's a good engineer he's very good yeah yeah

it's like i don't know if it's healthy to be around joey all the time like that like it can be really dangerous well also joey's so good to him know, they just have like a very, very unique relationship, man. I mean, that's a goddamn show, that relationship right there. Because Joey's like a father figure to him, kind of. Yeah, in some insane way. Yeah. Joey's a sweetheart, as long as you're on his side. Yeah.

But the worst place in the world is a guy who's against Joey right like Joey is what the worst I've seen like God Joey have fused with people. Hmm. It is a horrible thing to watch. Yeah, you know like because he's so passionate about his friendship with people then when someone turns on him like He's the as loving and as friendly and as warm as he is. Like, you know how he is. Like when he sees you, it's all hugs and,

you know, he calls you up. He calls you, Greg Fitzsimmons, what's going on? Yeah, that's it. He's one of you guys.

I'm going to suck your dick. I know what you're doing, dog. You know, and like, he loves you. Like, I love Joey.

Like, I mean, he's my family, like a hundred percent. But if you turn on him, man, it's a fucking – I've seen him go after people. It's scary. It's crazy. He's so – like, he's Cuban.

Yeah. Right? And, you know, he came up – he had a really fucked up situation growing up. He found his mom dead when he was 13. He was on acid. Yeah. I mean, it's like he was raised by his friend's family. And he was 13 he was on acid yeah I mean it's like he was raised by his friends family sucking a tit that night too was he yeah he was

sucking some girls tit on acid his mom dead yeah Jesus yeah was symbolism in that huh Oh never went sucking a tit was like oh I don't need anything better than this I'd still it's still my wife, thank god I could not have married a woman that didn't have nice tits there's a lot of women out there with little tits that are angry at you right now sorry, you're not real women I'm kidding

but I couldn't have married one I respect you and I'll hang out with you I'll let you into my shows but I'm not going to marry you I'll let you into my shows, but I'm not going to marry you. I'll let you into my shows. If you get out of the itty-bitty-titty committee early and you want to go see a comedy show. Wow. No, I

look, I respect all women. I just think I really... Do you know all of them? What about mean ones that kill people? I respect them even more. They're fighting back. They're me-Tooing out there. Huh? You didn't hear about the hashtag MeToo?

No. You're going to love this, Joe Rogan. Oh, God. There's a thing now, because of Harvey Weinstein, there's a hashtag. Oh, I have seen that. Women that have been sexually harassed pound sign MeToo on their social media. Jesus Christ. Well, sexually harassed, I would too on their social media jesus christ and the end you know sexually harassed i would say it's probably a hundred percent it yeah because it's a murky definition right you

know i mean some of the stories that you hear and i look this harvey weinstein thing is atrocious and guys that are like that are the reason why guys like us have to watch what we say. All the sensitivity that we've been talking about is because of a few, not a few assholes, there's a lot of assholes. And it's not just, I mean, we're not talking about a person trying to get laid. We're talking about a person who's holding employment over people. Right, power. Did you see the TMZ thing? Did you see the TMZ thing where TMZ, they were describing the nature of his contract, that he had sexual assault and sexual harassment lawsuits written into the contract? Yeah, like a waiver for him.

How much he would be fined. And for one person saying it, it was a certain amount of money. For two allegations. Oh, no shit. It was more. For three, it was like $100,000, $250,000, $750,000, a million. Wow. Yeah, he had it written in. Like caps on how much he should have to pay.

No, like how much they would pay him, or how much he would have to pay. No, like how much they would pay him or how much he would have to pay. According to the contract, if Weinstein treated someone improperly in violation of the company's code of conduct, he must reimburse TWC for the settlements or judgments. Additionally, you, Weinstein, will pay the company liquidated damages of $250,000 for the first such instance, $500,000 for the second such instance, $750,000 for the third, and a million for each additional instance. Wow. Just imagine that they wrote this in.

They're complicit. They're all complicit. There's another provision. He can be fired for the perpetuation. Have you ever read- Perpetuation? Perpetuation? That's a weird word.

Yeah, it is. Perpetuation by you, Weinstein, of a material fraud against the company. Okay, what does that mean? The question, where's the fraud? Lance Meroff, a board member who negotiated the Weinstein 2015 contract, said in an interview

and we've confirmed the board knew Weinstein had settled prior lawsuits brought by various women, but they assumed it was to cover up consensual affairs. Sure it was. The board's assumption does not constitute fraud on Weinstein's part. Scroll up. Let's keep going. More surprisingly is how TWC fired Weinstein. Weinstein? No. TWC fired Weinstein, supposedly without giving a specific reason, which could potentially violate the terms of the contract.

Oh, my God. That's crazy. Here's the kicker. Even if Weinstein had committed fraud by not fully informing the board of directors, the contract says before he can be fired, he has the right to mediation. If that doesn't work, he's entitled to arbitration. Wow. Well, he's fighting it. I love that. Where do you get the balls to fight back right now?

I love that. Where do you get the balls to fight back right now? I guess he feels like it's the only way to sort of reclaim some ground. Yeah. I mean, is that a way to look at it? Well, that's that mentality. And, you know, at that level, the power brokers that run Hollywood, you know, they're all fucking – Trump is like that, too. It's all aggression. It's all come at you when you come

at them yeah i mean it's got to be a crazy position to be in to be the head of miramax yeah you know i mean it's like it's the biggest it's one of the biggest right what's the biggest i don't know what is the biggest studio if it's not miramax it's one of the universal Miramax so at the very least he's responsible for some of the most iconic movies ever yeah so certainly the most Oscars of any studio in the last 20 years so everyone's kissing his ass yeah massive amounts of power and this influence over people like royalty right barks they all come. You know, everybody's at his whim. Constantly. And then tries to fuck

all these starlets. Like, if he had just stuck with, like, prostitutes, it probably still would come out. But it wouldn't come out the same way. It wouldn't have come out. You don't think so? Well, think about the fact that they covered up sexual assault on it sounds like a weekly basis.

I mean, this story broke, what, five days ago? Something like that. And there's already so many women that have come out. And now you've got a bounty on more women to come out? I think that somebody else is offering a certain amount of money for every woman that comes out against him. Jesus. So it's going to be like Cosby all over again. And you think about...

But Cosby was drugging and raping women. No, but I just mean in terms of how frequently... It's like another step more evil, though. Right. I'm just talking about the frequency of it and the complicity of people that set up the meetings, covered up the lawsuits, gave the women work after the meetings. A lot of them got script deals, got roles in movies because a lot of them didn't walk out of the room. A lot of them gave them the back rub or whatever else.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that was what Whitney was talking about the other day. Whitney Cummings was telling me, her and one of her friends, who's an actress, I did their show at the Largo the other night. And they were in the green room and they were talking about how many women literally wrote into their contract. Like, not wrote into it, but there was an agreement that they would fuck him to get, like, editors cut. They would fuck him to get more lines. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Girls, like, prominent actresses had sex with him to ensure that they got big roles. This was written down? Some of it was agreed upon. I don't know if they wrote it, but these things were agreed upon. Whoa. And that he always kept his end of the bargain. He was known for hooking them up. Wow.

It was part of how he got this whole thing to work. Which means every director and editor that kept those lines in knew, because editors all the time, you chop out whole scenes because they don't work. Yeah, but that's only, that's like, when did it happen? Did it happen before the film was shot? Like he would give them final cut? Like he would allow them to, you know, to be in the editing room? Or was it like, I will give you the choice part?

Mm-hmm. Whatever it was, like some sneaky deal. Yeah. I mean, who knows how he said it? Who knows how they did it? Yeah. But the idea that all these actors are coming out, like, I have no idea. I can't believe it.

I'm so horrified. How do you not know that? I'm a road comic and I knew about it. I'm not in the middle of Hollywood. I've known about it for 15 years. What did you know? I knew that he was a casting couch guy. Everybody knew that he was this sleazy fat.

I always would joke about how I think he makes himself less attractive because it's more of a power trip for him. It's more fun. Yeah. Yeah, to have his fat gut resting on their forehead while he shoots a load in their mouth. Yeah. All right, you got the part. Yeah. Next.

Does some blow. Right. Doesn't wash on purpose. Yeah, has his balls just stink like locker rooms. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. stink like locker rooms. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. It's a weird thing that went on forever in this

industry. Not this industry. The movie industry. The music industry as well. Sturgill Simpson was telling me some story about some guy who's a known pederast who is like he's in a similar position in the music business. And people know

you can't have young boys around this guy. Wow. And, he's in a similar position in the music business. And like people know, like you, you can't have like young boys around this guy. Wow. He's some big time, powerful guy. He told me the guy's name. I literally can't tell you who the fuck it was, but he was saying like, man,

there's, there are people in the music business that are in this exact same situation. Like they fuck people to have them move on and move up and move forward. Especially back when radio was a big deal right radio and record sales were inexorably connected you could not sell records unless you get on the radio the only band that that managed to move through that was kiss kiss was rarely on the radio they were rarely on the radio but kiss were rarely on the radio. But Kiss had such a loyal following, and they put together such an amazing show, a live show, that they were selling millions of albums and got almost no radio time. No kidding.

And then selling out arenas, almost no radio. And they were mocked relentlessly by people who really loved rock. Yeah, I never liked Kiss, but I respect what they've done. I loved Kiss. Really? Oh, yeah, when I was a kid. I loved them. How many songs, though, did they really have that were good?

Shitloads. Depends on if you like that kind of music. Yeah. Look, I mean, it's like if I compare it to Led Zeppelin, like in terms of like the style of music, the depth of the composition of the music and the lyrics. They don't have anything that's a whole lot of love or anything like that. There's certain songs that are just on another level. They don't have any of those.

But they have fun songs. They're a live band. Yeah. They have great live shows. The live shows are great. And then some of their songs, like Beth? They're a live band. Yeah. They have great live shows. Yeah. The live shows are great. But, and then some of their songs, like Beth is a good song. They have a bunch of good songs that are like

uncharacteristic you know, for like what you would think of when you think about Kiss. Yeah. But you know, they had like this style of music. It was like a fun party rock and roll. I wanna rock and roll all night and party every

day. Right. I think that the couple songs I know of theirs I like, but when you think about the phenomenon that is Kiss, they really don't have the songs to support it. I feel like the same way. I'm gonna get shit about saying this. Aerosmith. Aerosmith has

like three of the greatest rock songs of all time. Like literally my top 50 rock songs. Three of them are Aerosmith. Walk This Way, Dream On, and Mama Ken? No. Sweet Emotion.

Those three are in my top 50. And then it ends. Then you got Love in the Elevator and all this shit that makes me go like, I got to delete my files on these clowns. Well, you know what happened to them? Movies. They started doing those movie anthems. Yeah. Should never do those movie anthems.

They did those Armageddon soundtrack type things where just middle of the road know, like, just middle-of-the-road popcorn music for a stupid blockbuster film. They started trying to figure out what the audience wanted and giving it to them instead of being themselves. I don't know. I mean, for whatever it is,

it's like, you have two different schools of thought in that band. You have Joe Perry, who I know, who's a great guy who doesn't give a fuck about fame. Joe Perry's, like, a guy from Boston who's just a badass guitarist who loves making rock and roll.

Yeah, he's awesome. And then you got, what's his name? Steven Tyler. Steven Tyler, who likes being famous. Yeah. And he likes doing, like, what is he on? America's Got Talent or one of those? Which one of those is he on?

Yeah. I think he did American Idol for one season. It was just one season? I think so. But that kind he on? Yeah. I think he did American Idol for one season. It was just one season? I think so. But that kind of shit. Yeah. Could you imagine Robert Plant doing American Idol? Well, I could imagine Mick Jagger doing something like that and Keith Richards.

Keith Richards is like the, what's that? Just to bank checks. Just to bank checks. But I think Mick Jagger and Keith Richards have a similar kind of situation. Mick wanted to be famous. Keith is just a badass rocker. Maybe. I don rocker. Maybe. I don't know.

Huh. I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be famous if that's what you're into. But when the music suffers or the music changes, you know?

Yeah. You go from sweet emotions to some like nonsensical moron ballad that literally like, it hurts your feelings. Yeah. You listen to some of those ballads and you're just like,

all right. Billy Joel's like that. He's got some of the greatest fucking song. Remember the last time we shot pool, we listened to a few Billy Joel songs and then you've got uptown girl. I've got a Billy Joel theory. I've talked about it in this podcast. I know exactly what happened.

Christie Brinkley. Yeah. Too hot. Yeah. Ug've got a Billy Joel theory. I've talked about it in this podcast. And you just get so angry about it. I know exactly what happened. Christie Brinkley. Yeah? Too hot. Yeah. Ugly little guy from Long Island. All of a sudden he's banging this supermodel. That bitch is hot today. She's like 80.

Yeah, right. She's hot as fuck. Yeah. She's like the hottest 64-year-old woman on the planet. Yeah. Have you seen pictures of her? I just played, I bowled with her recently. Shut up.

Yep. No, you didn't. Look, see, that's when they were together. That's when he lost his marbles. Yeah. That's when it was all uptown girl. She was in the lane next to me. She looks fucking beautiful.

So where was this? Venice. She bowls in Venice? Yeah. Isn't that crazy that she's in her 60s? Yeah. Like you would bang her, right? Would you bang a 60-year-old?

I'd fuck him just because he fucked her. You'd fuck him because he fucked her? Yeah. I wouldn't go that far but do you think I would worry that she would break cause she's 64 yeah you'd send it home and hear it cracking on her hips is that her

in the water how's that possible how does she look so hot and so many women fall apart I didn't see Chrissy Brinkley I saw Cindy Crawford you son of a bitch. You just like Jamie. Oh, my God. Look at her butt.

Oh, that's not her? I was like, that's insane. That might be your daughter, though. Oh, it is her daughter. Whoa. Lesbying it up? No. They're hugging, you son of a bitch. In bikinis. Yeah, where's her butt? Oh, come on. Those are the daughters. That's a little sexy. She hides her butt.

See, that's the thing. I don't think you can have a nice 64-year-old ass, I think. Yeah, every picture is like from the front. And notice the bent leg to kind of hide any kind of. Well, they all do that. I don't know. She looks pretty good. Hot as fuck, right?

But look, you don't see her butt. Google Christy Brinkley's butt. Listen, you're objectifying women. No, no, I'm just trying to, I'm doing an anatomical survey or something. Oh, that's a famous shot. Yeah, but that's like from the 80s. That's her Sports Illustrated shot. Christy Brinkley's butt at 60.

I have 2017 on it. Well, either way, she's done a remarkable job of staying attractive. Very proud of her. And I guess what that is is just constant effort, right? And maybe some surgery, but at the very least... A lot of DNA involved, too. Right, must be. Yeah.

Yeah. But constant effort, right? Like, constant gym time, watching the diet, you know, all that stuff. A lot of water. Yeah. Great, you know, and also they have, they get all the best skincare products. Yeah. I mean, that's the business, you know?

That's her business. What's super shocking is when a woman was like just smoking hot, and then she just lets it go. Just lets it go, like Kathleen Turner. You ever seen Kathleen Turner today? She could be Joey Diaz's stunt double. Would you have sex with her just to say you had sex with Kathleen Turner, though? What do you think? No. No.

No. Look at that picture. Wow. Dude, she was fucking smoking at one point. Yeah, and she had that voice. But I feel like there's a health issue. Like, she's so big, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, a lot of times, you know, they have to take a steroid for something, and they blow up from the steroid.

Oh, Jesus. Is that real? Make that bigger. See, I think it's probably alcohol, too. When you see someone that big, it's like, boy, you have to eat a lot of food to stay that big. Yeah. Unless you're boozing it. Like, I know this lady, she works out all the time, but she boozes all the time.

Maybe. She just can't. Her legs are always, like, just thick yeah weird yeah booze will fuck you the fucking empty calories and booze yeah for people who drink like every day those everyday drinkers man that's a that's a fucking and once you're drunk you're not a real health nut about what you eat. No. Pizza and fucking. And then when you wake up in the morning, you feel like shit. Yeah. So you just eat more shit.

Yeah. Ugh. I don't know. Maybe Kathleen Turner, maybe she made so much money and her natural body is big and she just went, fuck it. I'm going to enjoy my life and not suffer like Kathleen, like Christy Brinkley. That sounds like something a woman who got really big would say. No one's natural body is overweight.

That's just not – if you're doing that, it's because you're eating the wrong food, you're not exercising, you're definitely overeating, and you're most likely drinking. That's not someone who's thick. That's an obese woman. Yeah. I mean, that's that's not someone who's thick that's you know that's a obese woman yeah i mean that's that's look at her dude she was hot as yeah whoa she was hot was that movie body heat with her and uh was that jeff bridges or william hurt just from romancing the stone oh that was like a ripoff of indiana jones right with michael douglas yeah that was like a ripoff of Indiana Jones, right? With Michael Douglas. Yeah, it was like Michael Douglas was like the Indiana Jones character,

but it was kind of like a semi-comedy. Romancing the Stone. Yeah, it was like he was the archaeologist. God, it was hard to remember. Boy, they made a lot of shitty movies back then. Yeah, Romancing the Stone. Trying to go back and watch those things, you'd be like, what? I know, they were so dated you ever

see working girl lately what's that it was uh melanie griffith and she played a girl from staten island who like is a secretary at a law firm and she's a paralegal or something no even an ad agency look at her look at her hair. Yes. Wow. No, that's not her. That's... Melanie Griffith. Is it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you know who else has got the big hair in this movie is Joan Cusack.

Yeah, there she is. So they're supposed to be like girls from Long Island or something? Yeah, and they're working at the fancy Manhattan office, but they're like the gum-chewing, cigarette-smoking, like... That's real. And then she bluffs her way up. Oh. It's a great fucking movie, but it's so... The fashion and the hair is hysterical.

It's a corny weaver. She was hot as fuck. Back in the alien days? Right. She was so hot it's a rough world man look at Harrison Ford handsome bastard

it's weird that we're watching these people age to like the point of decay right in front of us because that really

wasn't a thing until about 50 years ago like if you really stop you never got to see that you never got to see someone age in front of you like that right like until I mean 50 years ago. If you really stop, you never got to see that. You never got to see someone age in front of you like that. Until, I mean, 50 years, maybe?

No, maybe a little bit more. Maybe, let's get generous, 70, 80 years. This is a new cultural phenomena to have visual evidence of decay that you go over with a fine-tooth comb and never like this where I could say, hey, pull that shit up, Jamie. Yeah. Let's take a look at Kathleen Turner when she was young. Woo! Oh, yeah, I'm sure if you pulled up before or after pictures,

they're already smashed together in some photos. Oh, for sure. And it's like, no, you look at like Betty Davis. She got to a certain age, and then she just went, okay, I'll be in my mansion. Lock it up behind me. I'll see you at my funeral. Yeah.

They just crawled out of the way like a pigeon that got injured or elizabeth taylor she just kept marrying new gay guys some new obviously gay guy she's like does she does she know like what fuck's happening she was like 70 they were like 45 year old gay guys yeah oh look at that 1983 Smirnoff with Betty Davis and add Oh Jim beam to of a kind of originals why did I say Oh Smirnoff vodka ad Wow who is that the other one Diane what is our name where it says in the ad right there 83 Smirnoff vodka ad what's the woman's name? Diane Carroll. I don't know. Who's Diane Carroll?

What a weird way to spell Diane. D-I-A-H-A-N-N. Maybe she's a photographer. Maybe she's a lot of work. She likes to change the spelling of her name to be crafty. There's a lot of Dianes. D-I-A-N-E. I'm not a lot of women.

I'm very different. And you get mad when you correct people. Yes. D-I-H-A-N-N. Yeah. If. Yes. It's D-I-H-A-N. Yeah, if you like read it out. Diane! My name is Diane! Well, why don't you spell it Diane?

Crazy bitch. It's a phonetic language. Yeah. Who? Oh, there she is. Oh, from Dynasty? There's a new Dynasty apparently. Oh, good! There's an ad., from Dynasty? There's a new Dynasty, apparently. Oh, good. There's an ad.

It's hilarious. It's a billboard. And in the billboard, there's this guy and a couple pretty women behind him. And one of the pretty women has her tongue out like this. Like showing you a little of her tongue. That's something that, unless you're a rock star, men just don't do. Men never take a picture, try to look sexy this yeah right yeah look look at her tongue oh yeah look at that fucking picture like what is it's first of all it's on the cw which uh i don't even know if i have there's

certain channels like i didn't even know i don't have epics direct tv doesn't have epics because i try to watch someone special on epics and i was like oh I don't have epics. Direct TV doesn't have epics. Because I tried to watch someone special on epics. And I was like, oh, I don't even have that fucking thing. See, that one bitch is pulling the other bitch's hair. With her tongue out. She's got her tongue out. Like, yeah, even when I'm violent, I stick my tongue out to lick the tip of dicks. Like, what is that?

Like, who told her to stick her tongue out like that? Yeah, baby. Perfect. Perfect. I like it. What if they didn't? What if they photoshopped her tongue out there and she got the photos she's like what the fuck is this stupid shit yeah why do i have my tongue out this is the editor made a choice an artistic choice this is the new like kiss kiss face the selfie face what was the one you just pulled up that gay picture you just pulled up oh there's a bunch of guys

all the guys are fighting. That black guy's going to kick that white guy's ass while we're pretending he's not. Yeah, he's eyeballing him. That black guy's going to fuck that white guy up. I can tell by looking at their faces. Yeah. That's true. Do you find that with MMA?

You can tell from the weigh-ins and all that? Nope. Who's got an edge? You definitely can't. You think you can. You're often wrong. Yeah, you can't. You can tell from the weigh-ins and all that? Nope. Who's got an edge? You definitely can't. You think you can. You're often wrong. Yeah, you can't. You can't tell.

There's a lot of guys that look like doughboys, but they can fight. Yeah. They just know how to fight. And it's also they know how to endure. Sometimes guys, when they don't look physically impressive, have had to deal with so many people fucking with them their whole life that they develop this sort of werewolf personality. Yeah. Where they can just go, oh, yeah, motherfucker.

And then they just keep coming. They keep coming at you, and they just never get discouraged. Yeah. And those guys, a lot of times guys are not physically gifted. They have incredible work ethic because they have to because that's the only way they can compete and so they like they'll slowly break guys down just with toughness mm-hmm the problem with those guys is they take a extreme beating right here right and it's not sustainable and then one day they run

into a guy who has both like see there's discipline and there's talent. And a lot of times talented people don't have discipline. And, you know, you just wish they did because then they'd be the greatest ever. Well, the greatest ever are the guys with talent and discipline, like Anderson Silva or someone like that. Like, talented but also, like, physically superior. Just moves faster and then also works incredibly hard. Right.

And then also can perform under pressure and knows how to come back from behind, like knows how to turn around when he's getting his ass kicked. Yeah, that's the third aspect. You have to have the psychological. You have to be able to take it. You have to be able to be the hammer or the nail. Right. You have to be able to be the nail.

A lot of guys can't be the nail. start getting hit on they're like fuck this i gotta get out of here yeah yeah and some guys are great and they're like that some so there's some great fighters that just can't take a beating yeah it's very strange fighting is the weirdest of all like sports because it's not really a sport i mean mean, it kind of is. It's an athletic endeavor, but it's so much more emotional and tense than just a regular sport, like calling it a sport. There's so much more to it. It's more personal. You taking off to the bathroom, Jamie?

I can't handle it. Jamie can't handle it. Now we don't get to see him sneak around behind you anymore. We have a new setup. Yeah, you should have a camera in the bathroom. Like a hidden camera? Yeah. You can get sued for that.

You get in trouble. Yeah. You ever hear about Chuck Berry? Yes, that's what I was going to say. Dude, that came out. That was another thing. I knew. I had heard rumors.

And again, am I in the fucking music industry? Right. And again, am I in the fucking music industry? I had heard rumors that Chuck Berry had hours and hours of footage of women pissing and shitting. And that he had cameras hidden in the toilet seats of his restaurant in Illinois. I knew this shit for years. And then all of a sudden it came out in the news. And there was a class action lawsuit that I believe he lost.

I should say all of this with supposedly. Allegedly. So I don't get sued. Allegedly. Well, he's dead. You can get away with that. Oh, is he dead? Yeah, fuck him. But I mean, it's amazing that this shit is out there.

Bill Cosby. I knew that Bill Cosby was molesting women. So did you. Yes. I knew it because when I was on the set of News Radio, people knew him from whatever thing. And that was always the thing that Bill Cosby drugs women. Yeah. And I'd heard it like, what?

He does? Yeah. Like it was always some weird thing. I never met him, but I don't even think I knew someone who had been around him. I think it was just like one of those things where people just knew. Yeah. You just knew like that Michael Jackson was probably diddling kids. We knew it because we knew...

Well, that's a thing that's coming up. Who did we know? Did we know somebody? Yeah. Who did we know? We knew somebody who sent a boy to the ranch. What? Who's we?

I don't want to say on the air who it is. Somebody in the industry. But when you say we knew, like, who's we? You and I. Me? Yeah. I did not know someone who sent a boy to the unless I didn't know that they sent a boy to the ranch. Maybe

you didn't know. You didn't know. I'll tell you off the air. Jesus Christ. What about all these people that are listening in suspense right now? I know. I know. I didn't know. I'll tell you off the air. Jesus Christ. What about all these people that are listening in suspense right now? I know. I shouldn't have brought it up. Yeah, you shouldn't have. Son of a bitch. Now you're making me think.

All these people out there don't know. They're all hanging. They're all hanging on a thread. Like, who was it? Yeah. Well, I think it's one of the reasons why we like really good stuff, too, right? Because we can't imagine being able to do that. Right.

Like when you see someone who's like playing, like you see like Gary Clark Jr. or something playing guitar on stage, mesmerizing. Yeah, right. God damn, that guy's good. Right. Like holy shit. You know, there's something about watching someone who's mesmerizing that's equally captivating as watching someone who's awful. Yeah, look at, what's his name from Queen Freddie Mercury Freddie Mercury oh yeah I mean that guy fucking went for it he went for it back in the day when no one

even knew he was gay yeah right they didn't understand like what a gay frontman was right like now you could be a gay front man now. Like Elton John is openly gay. Everyone knows it. And he goes out there and sings and everybody goes nuts. Yeah. Back then you couldn't. Back then he was fucking Wembley Stadium with a mustache sticking out and a leather vest.

We are the champions. Yeah. But you gotta think he must have gone that big when they were playing bars and saloons on their way up, he must have been going big then. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Where it probably looked ridiculous, but certain people got it. Well, he's so good that even when he was doing those bars, people must have heard that voice and went,

holy shit, listen to this guy. Right. Because he could carry a fucking note. Look at that picture of him there it's not even him that's from the movie that they're making about him oh really

that's not him no wow that guy looks amazingly like him oh I thought I think that's his name is doing it Rami Malek is the actor's name

who's Brian J. Singer that guy I don't know he's verified I think Sacha Baron Cohen wanted that role really yeah

he probably would have nailed it yep wonder why they didn't give it to him I mean it's almost like I think Sacha Baron Cohen wanted that role. Really? Yeah. He probably would have nailed it. Yep. I wonder why they didn't give it to him. I mean, it's almost like... Ricky Booby. Did you see that? What was it?

Live Aid, where they were simulcasting from London and Philadelphia at the same time? Scroll up. Scroll up there. And he fucking stole the show. That's him, for real. Yeah. Live Aid, where Sacha Baron Cohen stole the show? No, where, for real. Yeah. Live Aid where Sacha Baron Cohen stole the show? No, where Freddie Mercury

did. No. It was back in 84-ish. When did he die? I don't know. He was like one of the first big names to die of AIDS. Yeah. We heard about him and we went, what? Right. Fucked up, man. 1991. 91, 91?

91. 91? Nobody dies of AIDS now. It's very rare. Yeah. I don't say nobody, but it's saying like nobody dies of syphilis. You still can, but. Yeah.

Did you hear that California just recently reduced the penalty of not telling someone that you have HIV? Oh, did they? Yeah, like wantonly infecting someone with HIV is no longer a felony. Why? The guy who introduced it, the senator, there's a fucking picture of him, new California law reduces penalty for knowingly exposing someone to HIV. Why the fuck would you do that?

HIV is a public health issue, not a criminal issue. California State Senator Scott Weiner said in support of the bill, which takes... Now, Google that guy and find a picture of him with his shirt off, with a leather vest on, a six-pack, and a dog collar around his neck. And I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Like, there's a fucking image of him. That's him, but he's jacked.

But there's a photo... Oh, yeah. Yeah, look at this. Sorry, not a dog collar. He's got a leather tie wrapped around his neck. Might as well be a dog collar. But look at this. This is the guy. If he's not gay, he's certainly sympathetic to the cause. And this is the

guy that's supporting this bill saying that HIV is a health issue. No, it's not a health issue if you fucking knowingly give it to somebody. If you knowingly shoot a hot load into someone knowing you have HIV. You get back from the doctor.

Doctor says, Greg, I got some bad news for you. You got the HIV. And you're like, well, I got some bad news for everyone. I'm shooting loads too because I'm not going to tell them. I like shooting loads into people. I don't like condoms. You're doing a criminal act. It's a deadly weapon.

Your semen is a deadly weapon. Not today if you get treatment, but what if someone doesn't like doctors? What if they're afraid of doctors? There's a lot of people that are afraid. They're afraid of going to the doctor. So if they don't go to the doctor, HIV turns into AIDS, they die of AIDS. You fucking gave it to them, man. How is that not a felony? Who would want to reduce that crime? Who would want to reduce the crime

of knowingly exposing someone to a death-dealing disease? A disease that's killed untold hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people worldwide, right? I mean, I don't know the numbers, but it's probably millions, right? Yeah. Why would you do that? Like, who's clamoring for that to be reduced? Well, think about how many guys are, what do they call it, on the down low, where they go out and they have sex with men, get sick, and then have sex with their wives.

A lot of wives get AIDS. Or HIV, right? Get HIV. Yeah. wives a lot of wives get AIDS or HIV right get HIV yeah yeah that's it's a that's one of those diseases where they essentially found a cure for it right they have a treatment and that treatment reduces it to the point where it's not even you can't even detect it in the blood anymore oh it's that good oh yeah it's undetectable. Like, Magic Johnson said that Jesus did it for him.

Jesus made my HIV go away. Wow. No longer detectable. That is so cool. That's a bad Magic Johnson accent. It's a horrible impression. But yeah, they literally have gotten to the point where it's undetectable. What does it say? Number of deaths due to HIV AIDS

estimates by country. Yeah, there was a million last year, but it has no data for United States. Yeah. See, the thing about that is, and this is how it's been explained to me. So I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong. The problem with this distinction, and this is one of the real problems with the way they used it to describe Africa. They were saying all these people in Africa get AIDS and die. Well, this doctor was telling me, and he's completely off the record when he was telling me this because he's a progressive, very smart liberal guy. He's like, okay.

He goes, what you're talking about is people with extremely compromised immune systems that's from a variety of different reasons. goes they're not getting hiv tests he goes these people in these really poor areas in africa this is you know we're talking like early 2000s he's like they're not giving these people hiv tests they're not flying to africa and administering these expensive tests on these people he's like these people have extremely compromised immune systems they check their t-cell count their t-cell counts very low. They're very unhealthy. And so they say they have AIDS and that's how you get funding. The way you get funding is you say there's a million cases of AIDS in Africa. You don't get funding when you say there's a million cases of

people who are malnourished, who have a host of horrific diseases. Unacceptable that we're trending to 50% of African-American gay bi men having HIV must end this health disparity. Why are you pulling that? Oh, that's Wiener. That's the guy. His name's Wiener, which is hilarious. Another Wiener.

Another Wiener. But unacceptable that we're trending to 50% of African-American gay bi men having HIV. Meanwhile, he says must end this health disparity. And the best way to end it is to reduce the penalty from knowingly giving it to people. I don't want to say that he has it and he just wants to

make it a little easier on himself, but why would you do that? Why would you want to reduce that? Owen Benjamin had a great tweet about it. Yeah, something about allowing Charlie Sheen to, California is allowing Charlie Sheen to have less of a penalty for having unprotected sex with unsuspecting young women,

you fucking psychos, or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, the question is, can you legislate behavior? Right, can you? It's tricky. It's a good question. Do can you legislate behavior? Right. Can you? It's tricky. It's a good question. Do you want to? Right?

Do you want to legislate behavior? Or do you want people to just be... But you have to punish people for... If you have some sort of an incurable disease, obviously is curable or HIV is right at least at this point it's it treatable shouldn't see curable but if you have something like what would be okay like here's a perfect example remember when that woman came back from Africa and they suspected that she had been exposed to Ebola right people were freaking the fuck out cuz she was wandering around

she's like I'm not I'm not gonna to be quarantined fuck off and they're like this bitch is a monster right that's much more uh communicable than hiv is i guess but not much difference in terms of like what it can do i mean you're talking about something that kills people right it's kind of the same thing in a lot of ways but we we tend to look past things that are sexually transmitted. Because, well, don't get fucked. You don't have any problems. Don't do anything that Jesus wouldn't want you to do. And you don't have any issues.

What, do you take it in the ass, you fucking piece of shit? You horrible person. Yeah. You know? No, it's like now where they're allowing companies to not have to cover women's birth control. And it's like they want to shame people from having sex. It's the same thing with not paying for abortions. Do you really think that's what it is?

I think orgasms are free and the halves fucking drives me crazy. I don't think that's what it is. I think it's a financial issue. I think if you look behind it, I bet there's probably insurance companies that are involved in this. There's probably a lot of people that... Look, if you have to pay or companies...

If a company has to pay for your employees' birth control pills and you have 100,000 employees, how many birth control pills are you paying for? That's a lot of money. I mean, and you go across the board and also you set a precedent. If you have to,000 employees, how many birth control pills are you paying for? That's a lot of money. I mean, and you go across the board. And also you set a precedent. If you have to pay for that, maybe you have to pay for something that comes along that's similar for men

or some other issue that women might have that has to be covered. I think it's all financial. Wouldn't it be expensive, though, to have women missing work for pregnancies? Fire them. Fuck them. It's kind of a weird thing, right? It's because if somebody works for you, they don't just work for youancies? Fire them. Fuck them. It's kind of a weird thing, right? It's because if somebody works for you, they don't just work for you, right? We are assuming that person is dependent upon you.

It's one of the weirder things about employment. It's like that's not just someone who works for you. You have to take care of that person. You're supposed to provide them with insurance. You're supposed to provide them with insurance you're supposed to provide them with benefits you're supposed to allow them to you know take time off and it's a weird thing because we're we're like we've settled into the idea that this person is completely dependent upon their employer you know i think um like this idea that if a woman has a child that you have to give her maternity leave or you have to pay her while she has the baby and that you have to maybe pay child support or some sort of child care while she has the baby.

The people really want that. They want that as part of it. Because people, the way people live in this country in particular, and we just assume that you have to live this way because we compare ourselves to people that live in like indigenous tribes or in third world countries where they don't have constant employment and they don't have high overhead, right? Rent, bills, all the different things that we have. But we have like this system set up where once you're in the system, once you start making that money, you need that money. And when your kid comes, you can't just quit work. Like no one does that anymore. Like we don't think anyone should do that anymore. We assume that woman is eventually going to go back to work. So she's going to get a maternity leave because the company values her as an employee. And then once she's done with her maternity leave, maybe there'll be

some other sort of compensation or some sort of, and she definitely won't be working any long hours or overtime anymore. Now she's got to get home and take care of her kid. That's the hidden thing in the whole argument against the financial – the difference in the amount of money, like income disparity between men and women. But the big one, one of the big ones is the number of hours that women are willing to work. There's a series of choices, right? There's the jobs they gravitate towards. There's the number of hours that they're willing to work. There's taking time off when they have children.

And another one of the big ones is this is one that works sort of against them that doesn't get discussed when men are trying to say that the income inequality thing is all bullshit women are not as good at negotiating for a better salary they're not as aggressive in negotiating for a better salary and even if they do just as good a job as the man and that that's the one area where they sort of seem to fall behind where it's like a rational distinction that a woman is doing the same job as a man and not getting paid as well. Because when you look at the income inequality between men and women, it's like 77 cents on the dollar.

It's really not real. It's not like they're working the same job next to each other. You were telling me it's because men will work more dangerous jobs and tend to pay more. Yeah, more dangerous jobs, tend to pay more. Yeah, more dangerous jobs tend to pay more. Men are much more likely to die on the job. It's much more likely to get injured on the job. There's a bunch of fields that men gravitate towards that are particularly just interesting and attractive to men that women don't gravitate towards. And if they do, it's in lower numbers.

And obviously these are gross generalizations because there's women who are MMA fighters, right? A lot of them. I mean, I see them all the time. A lot of them are lesbians. Not a lot of them, but a few. So it's like people are, you know, you can't like just pigeonhole people.

You know, there's a lot of men that are florists, right? It's very difficult to just like say a man is this and a woman is that. But there's trends, obviously. There's for sure trends. Right. And to deny those trends seems to be the state of discourse today. People like to deny those trends.

Right. And accepting of those trends is some sort of accepting of this systematic oppression of women or systematic oppression of gay people. It's very weird in this regard. That woman who wrote that book, Lean In, I think it was a lot about that. Like negotiate, you know, it shouldn't be mandated. You should be able to go in and fight for your salary. Get a better salary. Fight for the corner office.

You know, and don't wait for it to be handed to you because the patriarchal system is not going to suddenly just make things fair. But is the patriarchal system real? Is there a patriarchal system? Well, look at Harvey Weinstein. Okay, that's a different thing because that's a power issue, right? And when you have absolute power like that guy had

and you're also a fat, ugly fuck and you realize this is a way to get Gwyneth Paltrow to suck my dick. You know? That's a unique situation. fat, ugly fuck, and you realize this is a way to get Gwyneth Paltrow to suck my dick. That's a unique situation, but also gross. But I think the dynamic of it is that since men do obviously quantifiably have more power positions on the boards of companies and management and partners, that women are intimidated by that. They're intimidated to go up against it i think

there's also um a thing where women don't want to be a bitch right yeah they like men don't view a woman who's aggressive the same way they view a man as aggressive like if you and i work in an office and you're like always hustling and getting ahead and always like fighting for what's yours like greg's greg's an aggressive motherfucker he gets shit done yeah but if a woman is doing the exact same thing that fucking bitch i don't want to be around her she's such a bitch you know like a woman who exhibits the same sort of aggressive tendencies is it's negative yeah whereas the guy's an ass kicker right right you know do you remember who was the comic up in boston who had that she he was like every comic had one great joke and this guy's joke was

behind every successful man there's a woman and behind every successful woman are two guys calling her a lesbian fuck who was that? remember that guy who had wire room glasses he was a little bit chubby god damn do you remember that joke though?

I do remember it now that you said it I'm just trying to remember who the fuck god damn who was that? I want to give him a shout out if he's still doing it i always wonder about like if guys like that are still doing it i wonder if they do do it like they just do it every now and then they have a job right like if you have a regular job and you like go out on the weekends do a dick doherty gig here and there pick up 300 bucks over the weekend fuck it fuck it and fun have a good time have a good time get some free drinks maybe uh if you're single maybe you meet a woman i mean what better way

to meet women than getting on stage for you know if these guys are doing 20 minutes or a half hour and they get off stage and mingle yeah better than fucking what going to a beefsteak charlie's standing at the bar looking at a rusted trombone on the wall. Going to 199, ordering some wings and a beer and looking around. Creeping people out. Hey, where you from? What? And for a man to try to stand out, it's such a grind for a guy to stand out. That's why a guy's peacock, right?

You're wearing big watches and rings and driving a fancy car, just trying to peacock, trying to get everybody to look at you. Because we're gross. Oh, we're gross. We're gross. Women are beautiful. You don't see statues of men. You do. Greek statues, but they're men that don't look like us.

Yeah, a little different, and maybe a little of that. Maybe a little of that. Somebody had a great joke the other day. He was like, greeks invented the difference between the greeks and italians the greeks invented making love the italians did it to women well i was thinking when we were we're both a guy of course told me that joke we were both in italy last summer and uh it's like looking at those statues of the men and they're like they're fucking beautiful

like their abs are just perfect and then they have dicks and it's so weird because if you had a statue that's that realistic in like the grove some Christian would cloak it

and they'd cart it off because it was too graphic and you gotta think like when you're the sculptor and you're putting that much effort where the dick has like a slightly bent shaft and you can see the crown and there's almost like a slit at the tip of the...

It's like, after a couple days, you've got to look at the sculptor like, okay, we think you got it. Yeah, there's a puddle of drool under him while he's carving out this cock. He's got his hand on the balls while he's working on the shaft. Well, here's what's interesting. There's two different things that are interesting about dicks in those ancient Roman times.

One thing is that the original, the early days, they used to have just the cock hanging out. Then there came a period of time where they started because of some religious influence they started covering them with leaves and that was like after the fact they actually added leaves to some statues yeah some of them and then they started doing some

statues where they put the leaf over the dick as they were constructing it but they did retrofit some some statues for dicks but here go back to that again real quick these pictures of the dicks hilarious here's what's interesting about these dicks you look at these guys and these like big athletic looking like wrestler characters they all have little dicks and one of the reasons why they had little dicks is because in this time of i mean this is my interpretation of it, right? And this is what, I had a really good professor that took us on a tour in Rome of the Vatican.

It was, we got super lucky. Wow. We hired a professor. And he was fantastic. And he loved that I knew a lot about ancient history, particularly like their use of drugs. So like we were talking about the giant pine cone that's in the middle of the Vatican. They have this outdoor area with a big pine cone. And he goes, do you know what that represents?

I go, that's the pineal gland. He goes, how do you know? And then we started talking and we started talking about like drugs and endogenous production of dimethyltryptamine and shit like that. No shit. And he and I, we fucking ignored my family. We were holding hands and wandering through the Vatican together. dimethyltryptamine and shit like that. No shit. And he and I, we fucking ignored my family. We were holding hands and wandering through the Vatican together.

But as this guy was explaining that, I go, why are their dicks all so little? And he goes, that's a very good question. And he said that a large dick was thought to be like a gross primitive thing. Like to have a large dick, you were like a non-evolved thing and no kidding when you think about how close these people were to cave people right like you're thinking about a thousand two thousand years ago right go back two thousand years before that and what the fuck do you have you know i mean you have ancient egypt and a few but you have essentially like small villages 2 000 years before that you don't have the wheel okay so you're you're talking about the wheel i believe goes back somewhere

around 5 500 years ago first evidence of the wheel. That is super recent, right? So these people were essentially realizing that there's a better way. Like now we have Rome. We have sophistication. We have art. We have culture. We have music and wine.

And we're not going to go back to those big dick ways, smashing heads and just fucking wild animals. And I think when they thought of the barbarian hordes that would come and just fucking rape and pillage, they probably thought those big, fat, juicy dicks were one of the reasons why they were so horrible and so base and vile and primitive. And they had these big hogs and smashing skulls

and raping and killing. They were trying to move past that. And one way that they tried to express that was in their art. This sophisticated, incredibly anatomically correct art. And they all had these little tiny baby dicks. And these baby dicks were supposed to represent like culture and sophistication. Sort of like how a fat woman was supposed to represent like a woman who ate a lot. It was a woman of ate a lot, right?

It was a woman of culture, so they were attractive. Like, look at that guy. He's built like Brock Lesnar, and he's got a dick like Pee Wee Herman. Like, look at that. I don't know if Pee Wee Herman has a little dick. I always thought it was because over time the dick must have just gotten knocked off, and that's why they were so small. No, no. They purposely represented these gigantic muscular men as having tiny penises, which showed sophistication.

So they were almost in this like transitionary period of like the muscles were big. The body was obviously like very primal. You know, they were, they're obviously like very fit, but they had these little tiny cocks and what they admired. If that holds, I wonder if that translates to the myth that the African-American man has a big penis goes to that. First of all, it ain't a myth, pal. I've got news for you. What do you watch? You mean porn movies?

Blacked.com. It's a website. It's called Blacked.com It's a website It's called Blacked Really? Yeah there's a couple porn stars that I've followed on Twitter And they'll just like post Like that's the weird thing about Twitter Sometimes I'll forget that I follow porn stars

And I'm going through my Twitter feed and like Oh there's a dick in an ass Like just out of nowhere There's a girl like taking a hot one in the face Like Twitter There's one of the things that I actually love about Twitter. Twitter, in a lot of ways, is still wild. I think they're trying to get a hold of it.

I'm trying to get Jack from Twitter, the head guy on the podcast. We've been going back and forth. He's expressed some interest about it, but a little trepidation. He's a little worried about how to... Because they're trying to censor people. But the people they're trying to censor are the people that are actively harassing people, the people that are using unwanted sexual advances and sending unwanted naked photos and things along those lines to people, right?

Upending elections. That's a little different. Here's something I thought was fantastic fascinating i i fucking i i retweeted it and accidentally unretweeted it and then i couldn't find it i should never do things on my computer when it's like late at night and i'm barely paying attention but someone posted something uh that this person that was claiming they were from rhode island uh posted the tweeting about Hillary Clinton. It was like in response to something that Donald Trump had done recently that was fucked up, and about Hillary and our deleted emails, and they left their location on, and it was Russia.

Oh, no, there's tons of that. There's tons of that. Like a lot of these unknown accounts, it was like Kevin underscore 2012 or something like that. But a lot of these accounts where these people are attacking Hillary Clinton and supporting Trump and these right-wing talking points. We literally have to understand. This isn't just a trope. This isn't just like some weird't just a trope this isn't a just like some weird talking point the democrats keep using there are thousands and thousands of fake internet accounts

that are designed to attack people that are supporting someone who's in opposition of their interests and to support someone who is on their side. Yeah. And these people, these online, whether they're real people or whether they're bots, they're all pro-Trump. All of them. They're all pro-Trump and a lot of them are like stoking the racial tension. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Because that helps Trump get elected. Oh, of course. Of course. Of course. And it's just, it's fascinating that people are denying this, you know, that a lot of people on the right are denying this and saying, oh, the Democrats are just, you know, whining and you lost, get over it. I've seen a lot of that.

You lost, get over it. You've got to understand what's happening here. You're not necessarily dealing with real discourse. It's not really the right and the left communicating stating each other's points debating no there's a bunch of people that don't have a fuck they're not even here yeah and they're pretending that they're here yeah and they're talking shit about the left and they're talking shit about anthony weiner or hillary clinton and they're not even necessarily real people.

They might be, but they might just be people that, they might just have scripts that they send out from hundreds of different accounts. They might be looking for keywords. Like, there's a weird information war going on right now and an influence war going on right now. And there's a lot of people that don't want to admit it's real. It's fucking 100% real. It's 100% real. I mean, Facebook has already gotten rid of thousands of accounts because they found that they were Russian accounts.

And the ads that were being taken out on Facebook were, they tracked the money. They were ads that were bought by Russian, I don't know if it was the government or just the oligarchs, but they were purchasing ads on Facebook. What is this? The best Twitter tool? This is one you can buy. I just Googled real quick. Tell me what this is. This is all the stuff you can buy.

It's called TweetAttacksPro.com. It's designed to run thousands of Twitter accounts at the same time, 24-7, to auto-follow, unfollow, follow back, tweet, retweet, reply, favorite, delete, tweet, un-retweet, unfavorite. So they just do everything. Every account can have its own setting, thus preventing Twitter from becoming suspicious about the account. Plus, the software can simulate human operation perfectly. Exclamation point. $7. So you buy this for $7 and you just go on a goddamn Greg Fitzsimmons promoting rampage.

I wonder what you could do. And notice at the bottom the syntax, designed for everyone's need. That's not an American writing that. No. Not limited by the Twitter API because we don't use it, exclamation point. Okay, we should do an experiment. We should buy that and see how much we can jack up your Twitter account. I love it.

What's your Twitter account at right now? I don't know. What's Greg Fitzsimmons' FitzDog Radio on Twitter? 80-something thousand. Not a lot. It's just under 85,000. 85,000. I wonder if we could get you up to a a quarter million in like a couple of months.

We could get up to a million probably by the end of the week. Seriously? A million. A million by the end of the week. That might get noticed if they kind of spread it out a little bit. Shh, keep it down, keep it down. I think that's, as long as we're really open about what we're doing, I think that would be really a fascinating experiment.

How do you do it? Well, we use these things, and then we buy you a bunch of fake accounts. Right. I mean, not fake accounts, fake followers. We just use it. You can get fake followers, right? How does that work? I checked the other day how many of my followers were fake.

I swear to God, it was the exact same feeling I had when I took an HIV test in 93. I was like, ooh, here we go. I kind of enjoy looking at the number of followers I have. They were all Russian bots. No, mine was almost all real. But the number that the president has is like 50%. Like 50% fake accounts. I wonder if he did that.

I wonder if he hired or if they just follow him because he's the president and it's a good thing to have like a fake account following the president, especially these Russian troll accounts. I think this came up, I feel like, the first time when John Kerry was running against Obama and they found out, they did like a Twitter audit on his account and found out he had a recent influx of like a million followers on his account. Really? And it seemed like, did he do it or did someone just do it to him?

Well, I think people, if I was running a campaign and I was already a sleazy piece of shit running a presidential campaign or some sort of political campaign, you got to think they're going to use every tool at their disposal. Of course. That's what they do right when they they muckrake and they fucking go after people and pull out some shit from their past and make up some shit about their past and use every influence they have like look I think it's a good thing that we found out that Donald Trump is the kind of guy that wants to talk about hey just grab him by the pussy you know it's good that we know oh this is how he really talks and behaves but make no mistake about it.

That came about through Dirty Pool. They went and searched and did their best. And no people that work at Access Hollywood or wherever. And they tried to find out, what do we got? What do we got on it? We got to get something. What can I give you? You give me this?

Unless I'm not going to record it. And he's talking about grabbing pussies. Oh, Bobby, if you can get me that, I will get something for you. Yeah. I mean, this is all like how these people do this. If you don't think that they would get fake accounts, you're crazy. Oh, shit, yeah. No, I know a lot of comedians that have done that, that have built up to.

Because club owners look at that shit. Oh, yeah. For sure. Before they book you and come up with how much they're going to pay you, they quantify you. Yeah. Like, what do you think we'd have to do to get Greg up to a million?

What do you have to do? You've got to talk into the microphone. I listened to the podcast recently and sometimes you... I have it off you because I have the mic off sometimes. I know, I understand. Let me see what this says. But I was listening to it it i couldn't understand a word you're saying i will get up on the mic they get up on that bitch i'll try to eat it um

lisa eats that shit i don't know i don't see exactly on this particular one this one wants you to pay a fee per month there's other ones you can pay like a one-time fee and whatever you're asking to happen will just happen over just a couple days it doesn't happen instantly but i've seen a couple YouTube videos doing what you're describing. They did it to an employee of theirs without telling them, like, watch your Instagram account. Anything interesting happen today? And like, yeah, I got 2000 new likes today.

I usually only get 20. That's, and he sort of felt like popular or whatever. He didn't know what was going on. He was preening. Yeah. Get excited. Yeah. Yeah.

I wonder what we get you up to. Fuck. Give me a budget and I can figure it out. That'd be you up to fuck give me a budget and I can figure it out that'd be cool we'll give you a budget okay what do you think

how much we need to spend 100 bucks 500 bucks 500 bucks could do a lot there's a I know a girl who did that and she went from

like 30,000 followers to a million on Instagram do you want to also bump up your like Spotify numbers or your YouTube numbers or anything like that? Because you can do that as well. Maybe Instagram.

The girl who did it on Instagram, the way they found out, it was not in our business, it's in another business, but the way they found out that she was doing it was because the amount of likes that she got was the same. The amount of likes her images got and the amount of comments, it remained the same.

Oh, it didn't go up as the numbers went up, right. It wasn't proportional, right? Like if you see a, like a, if you put something up on, like, okay, let's, for instance, that picture that we put of you when we first started this podcast, all right? We did that, you know, a couple of hours ago, right? And we'll go to it right now,

and it has 17,913 likes and 257 comments. That means that's normal. That makes sense. Right. It's like a photo of a funny comedian, first episode on a new podcast. There you go. There it is right

there. Look at you, you sexy bitch. I put up yours, the picture of you doing the exact same pose. 2048. But that all makes sense. So now, if you have... What's going on with you with the other one? You and the dentist.

What was that photo? Oh, I just got my wisdom tooth pulled out the other day. Oh, no you didn't. Oh, Jesus. Is that it in his hand? Oh, God, dude. What happened? Was it getting impacted? No, you didn't. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, look at that. Is that it in his hand? Yeah. Oh, God, dude. What happened? Was it getting impacted? No, it had a filling in it, and I guess I've-

Cracked? Well, you know, I have ADHD. So the doctor gives, for the last seven or eight years I've been on Ritalin, and it makes me grind my teeth, and I ground my crack into my wisdom tooth. Jesus Christ, dude. So he went in with some pliers, and it took, like, two seconds. I thought he was going to be, like, you know, I thought he was going to have, like, his foot on my forehead and sweating and pulling it.

He just went in, popped it out, and threw some gauze on it. I did three shows that night. No way. No problem. Really? Some people have, like, a week-long bad reaction to it. I got lucky. Nothing?

Just popped right out. No. And so what do they do now? They put like a crown in there or something? It's a wisdom tooth, so you just leave it out. Oh, no shit? Yeah. So it's got like a...

But you have to keep rinsing with salt water, otherwise you get a... Infection? A dry hole or something they call it because your bone underneath is exposed because you need a blood clot to get in there and if the blood clot doesn't form then your bone is exposed and your breath

apparently becomes like a fucking nightmare and you get an infection and you'll get a pain all the way through your ear and it happens to like 5% of people that get their wisdom tooth taken out do you know that people that get mouth infections oftentimes get heart attacks because of them i've heard that yeah what the fuck man you would think you just have bad breath yeah no you could die dude what do you do when somebody you know well has bad breath tell them do you fuck have you done that yes no way tell me too

yeah tell me. I'll tell you. My breath stinks sometimes. I drink a lot of coffee. That's my downfall. Mine as well. You also have to brush your tongue, man. What is this? You gotta brush your tongue.

You could buy an account that had 240,000 plus followers that's over five years old for 150 bucks. Oh, but that's a whole account. Taking over the account, but when you switch the name, your followers wouldn't know the difference. What? There was an account I was following. It must have been some meme account. I just noticed that it switched to, like, booty pics or some shit like that.

I was like, when did I start following, like, at booty? Right, but that's not good for Greg. It would be the same thing. Instead of having 85,000, like, tomorrow he will have 250,000. Yeah, but they wouldn't be the same followers, right? I think it blends them together. Oh, so he adds those followers? It's weird what happens when that goes down.

So he would add an additional 250,000 followers, so 240,000 followers? I'm into that. There's strange shit going on with that. Apparently when you eat a ketogenic diet, which I'm into that. There's strange shit going on with that. Apparently, when you eat a ketogenic diet, which I'm on, it's like you eat low carb, you know, high fat diet. It makes your breath smell like fucking shit. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

So I'm pretty cognizant of that. I'm pretty aware. Was it a lot of meat? Yeah. Yeah, because the meat doesn't digest as fast. It's just fat burning. See, I did your body burns fat as a fuel instead of protein, or excuse me, instead of carbohydrates. Like the standard American diet, we eat a lot of refined carbohydrates, breads, pastas, things along those lines.

And what I try to do is lean to a much more fat-based diet, a lot of coconut, a lot of avocado, meat, things along those lines. I don't have very much carbs. My carb intake is pretty low, except when I go off the rails. I go off the rails like maybe once a week or so. I'll have like pasta or something like that. You know, not pizza. I haven't had pizza in a while. That's my super off-the-rails food.

That's when you're in New York for a couple days. I'll eat a full pizza. Yeah. And then just feel like'll eat a full pizza. Yeah. And then just feel like a fucking slob. Yeah. Just so disgusting. It's amazing what I'm willing to do for mouth pleasure. Just for that.

It's like an orgasm. A taste. And then you just feel like shit for hours. Yeah. Like the taste only lasts for like 20 minutes. But so what? I'm willing to sacrifice hours of health well what do you sacrifice for an orgasm when you're single the amount of booze that you'll buy a girl

and conversation you'll listen to and yeah but that doesn't have all for a 10 second orgasm the only downside is you fuck someone you don't really like and then you have to talk to them afterwards like oh yeah it's those brutal days right you know what the most brutal move was ever when i was young and stupid you would go on a vacation with a girl that you didn't really know that oh or invite her to come out with you on the road like hey i'm working in philadelphia this weekend yeah and uncle chuckle's fucker fest fucking and you would you would have them come with you and you know an an hour after you came you couldn't deal with them yeah you were just like i can't believe i did this like you thought

it was the perfect idea we'll get together we'll have some fun i'll take her to dinner we'll have she can come to see my shows and back then man like people didn't have cell phones so you were like on top of each other and you didn't have cell phones. So you were, like, on top of each other. You didn't have anything to do. No distractions. You couldn't just stare at your phone. Yeah, right. You got cable TV and you're gluing into that.

If you even had cable. I mean, if you're on the road, you a lot of times are staying in, like, back then, you're staying in these terrible hotels, right? You didn't have any money. So you're staying in some bullshit-ass hotel with, like, three channels that you could watch. It's like one restaurant, some shitty deli. And you have nothing in common with the person you just had sex with. Zero. That's when you just start drinking.

That leads to the fight. There's a bus stop involved. There's a fucking railway station involved. It's crazy, crazy you know thinking about like finding someone that you are compatible with

that you also want to fuck yeah yeah cause those are two totally different things like you can find someone

that you have amazing conversation with but you have zero sexual attraction to them so you have to find a

combo you have to find someone that you're sexually attracted to but you really enjoy them as a

human being talking to and sometimes those are just not the same things like especially for guys i guess it must be that way for girls obviously i can't speak for them but when you're a guy and you meet a girl like who's got a little waist and big tits and a big ass you're willing to put up with a lot of nonsense and you don't even notice you're not even putting up with it yeah you're so fascinated by the looks that whatever she's saying is just kind of flowing through. You're in a bar together.

She's talking nonsense, but then she puts her claws on your back and just rakes them down a little bit and squeezes you a little. And you're like, yeah, later. The promise of pleasure. Yeah, she put her claws on me, bro. She gave me the back scratch. You know it's going to happen eventually. You know. Yeah. Yeah, she put her claws on me, bro. She gave me the back scratch.

Like, you know it's going to happen eventually. You know? Yeah. And she's like, I need my drink. I need my drink. You have to get me my. What would an annoying chick drink? Like a sex on the beach.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I have to have a Long Island iced tea. I need my Long Island iced tea. I need it. Then she drinks half of it. Or a few sips. Pounds it. That's better. I need it. Then she drinks half of it. Or a few sips. Pounds it.

That's better. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She drinks a few sips and just leaves it there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I hardly ever eat.

She orders a fucking lobster. Eats one claw. Well, there's some girls who don't like to eat in front of men. Yeah. They don't like... First of all, they don't want to be judged by you eating, by them eating in front of you. They don't want you judging, look at how much she's eating.

This is disgusting. She's going to be a big cow when she gets older. Look at her eating. She's just fucking shoveling in her face. I can't afford the upkeep of keeping up with this fucking food dispenser. She's going to take a giant shit in my apartment. Oh my God. What if a girl like has to shit, but tries to hold it in.

She doesn't want you to know. I had a buddy of mine and he had a, uh, like a one bedroom, not even a one bedroom. It's like a studio. And the bathroom was right beside the bed. It was just like right over there. And he was dating this girl. And she just went in there and just wrecked it. Just wrecked his bathroom.

And she would do it like every time she came over. She would just go in there and wreck his bathroom. And he was just always complaining about it. He didn't know what to do. He's like, dude, you're just such a boner killer. Dude, I would show her right to the door. The first time that happened, as she came out of the bathroom, I'd take her arm gently and say, it's time for you to go.

Okay, but what do you do? What do you do if you have to shit? Like, what if you go over a girl's house and she lives in a studio apartment? You go take a walk. You go to a McDonald's or something. Yeah, I'll be right back. I left something in my car and you go shit in the bushes. You go shit in the bushes.

San Francisco, you go right on the sidewalk. I'm not going to shit. I mean, even with my wife, like I close the door. I hide the shit. She doesn't care. Door open. Sits with her legs crossed. You hear him taking a dump.

It's just so discouraging. Oh, it's such a bummer. That echo from the fart before the shit comes up. Plop. And you're like, no, I gotta go. Erase, erase bad memory. Erase. Why?

It's so weird. We know everyone shits. It's like, why is it so disturbing to us? We have this idealized image of, like, some movie woman, you know, and it doesn't turn out to be that way. It turns out to be she's an actual human who shits like regular people. Yeah. We're so discouraged, so sad, so upset.

It is weird when I see certain beautiful women. I remind myself that they shit, and I can't process it. I go, no, she doesn't. She can't. Such a stupid thing. Kathleen Turner shits. Oh, yeah. Giant dumps. She probably never really wipes good. It's probably a disaster. She just gives up halfway and starts

drinking. She does. One wipe no matter what. That's her policy. She's probably got a flask right there sitting on the bowl. She does one wipe no matter what. That's her policy. She's probably got a flask right there sitting on the bowl. Doesn't even look. One wipe doesn't inspect. Just drops it. Know what we got here? One of those Japanese toilets. It has a button. You press a button and it shoots

water up your ass. Yeah? Yeah. Cleans you up. Wow. Is that the one that's going to have the flotation tank in it? No, no. It's the one over here. Oh. Right there.

Got two of those here. Love it. Got two of those things here. What temperature is the water, though? It's warm. It's nice. It's always warm? It's warm.

It's warm. Yeah, it's nice. I need to go there before I leave. I don't even have to shit. Just force yourself. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. If you shoot that water up your asshole, you will have to shit. Oh, you do it before? No, you can if you want to shit. Just force yourself. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. If you shoot that water up your asshole, you will have to shit.

Oh, you do it before. No, you can if you want to. Yeah. I mean, if you just want to sit there and press the button, it doesn't know whether or not you shit. Yeah. It's not like, Greg, why do you want me to shoot water on your ass? You haven't even taken a shit, Greg. This is illogical. Open the door, Hal. You ever have a day

that's so fucking dull? I had one yesterday where you feel a shit coming and you get excited. Something to do. Something to do. And then you shit. And it feels good. I'm not going to lie to you.

It might sound gay or whatever. But a big hard shit coming out of my ass. Yeah. It feels enjoyable. It's good to relief. Like some chemicals are released in your body. For sure. Anybody denies that, I don't want to talk to them. Yeah. body sure anybody denies that i don't want

to talk to them yeah i don't have time i don't have time to talk to you about that yeah but if a woman tells you that would you get upset if a woman's like oh i love taking a good fat shit this is something about taking a shit feels so good you're bummed out right well it would mean that she's up for ass play would it be yeah it means that she's got a sensitive anus. Are you? Absolutely. You ready to take one in the dick, the asshole? Not a dick, but like a pencil or something.

Pencil. Let's see your baby steps. What about a fingernail with a Coke nail on it? Dude, I had a girl do that. She was blowing me. Wow. Way back when in Boston, this chick. She was a Guido from revere

and uh i think i met her with you as a matter of fact we were doing like a k do you remember this a cable access show in revere yes and it was like two hot chicks didn't talk do that with us too i probably he did all those yeah yeah yeah that sounds like the lineup but we met these two girls and the girl I met, she just had on like a college sweatshirt when I met her. Hair was up in a potato chip clip, and you know, the leggings and the high top white Reeboks.

That look. Oh yeah, the Velcro Reeboks. The Velcro Reeboks. Aerobic shoes, remember? So I ask her out, and then she goes, um, she goes okay, and uh, and we drive, she then she goes, okay. We drive. She picks me up.

My car was broken. I go, will you pick me up? We're going to go do a gig in Rhode Island. She's like, all right. Wow. I go down to Kenmore Square. She's going to pick me up at Kenmore Square. A fucking white Corvette pulls up. This is not what I expected.

Hair is now done. It's fucking up. It's touching the top what I expected. Hair is now done. It's fucking up. It's touching the top of the car. Nails are done. She's got on a hot little dress. And I'm like, sweetie, we're going to a fucking roadhouse in Narragansett, Rhode Island. And I get in her car and we drive down and we get to the club early and we start fooling around. And she sucks my dick before the show.

This is like, we haven't even had dinner yet. Sucks my dick, takes her finger, sticks it up my ass during the blowjob, but the fingernail is like a claw, and it scraped the inside of my ass, and I had blood on the toilet paper when I went to the bathroom later that night. It's like, what were you thinking? She's an animal.

She started putting it in. I opened up. I wasn't thinking about the nail. Did she lick her finger first or did she just go dry? She did that porn drool thing on the tip of her finger. Yeah, she had the spit come off of a big line, like a cobweb line. Right, right. Yeah.

And then we went into the club, and it was like this, it was like a roadhouse. Just like in the middle of nowhere, there was this just boxy kind of a room. Was that a brian deary gig oh yeah yes and we go in and uh i was doing this joke you probably remember it was one of my standard jokes back then of like uh the i don't actually i don't remember but it was about the sign no radio in car and oh right people used to have those signs because they didn't want someone breaking their car and stealing the radio yeah yeah so i had a joke about how i had that and that somebody then uh broke into my car and they took the sign or something they took the radio and the sign

whatever it was and somebody yelled out it was probably uh and he said n word whoa and i went what and i said what like i may i repeated it to make them say, like, as if to shame them. Right, right. And then somebody else on the other side of the crowd goes, he said it was probably an N-word. I was like, all right, let's wrap this one up. And I see her laughing. At the N-word.

Yeah. She thinks it's hilarious. She thinks it's great. Hilarious. She's sucking that finger that she had in your asshole. So she drove me back. She drove back to Boston. And at that time, I was a banquet waiter in the morning.

So I used to have to wake up at like 4.30 in the morning and go down to the Marriott and Copley place and set up coffee stations for these fucking conventions. I remember this story. And so I get in the car to drive home. I fucking fall asleep in the car, in her Corvette, as she drives me home. And then I get out at my house and I go to kiss her goodnight and she just looks at me and she goes, don't ever fucking call me again. Whoa. And I just-

Because you fell asleep? Lipped in the door, yeah. Whoa, that's it? She's angry that you called? She was angry that I fell asleep. That was it? She picked me up, drove me, blew me, and then I just passed out. Wow.

I passed out because she blew me. That's what I do. But how funny is that? Don't ever call me again. You slept. Yeah. Like that. That's what did it. She washed her Corvette. She put her hair up. Not the N-word. Not the finger in the ass. All those

are acceptable. Yeah. Sucking your dick moments after meeting you. All that's normal. You know the horrible food I'm sure they served at that gig? She probably had some mozzarella sticks that were hard as a rock. How funny is that? That was all fine. Like, you falling asleep pissed her off.

Yeah. But people don't like that when you're driving and you don't talk to them. Yeah. And you just pass out. Yeah. Wow. Good question. Jamie, we're losing power.

Uh-oh. It's getting dark and out back that's so strange what a stupid thing to have set up for time just who did they set that up on purpose yeah we need to switch that out I gotta say for the first show it's gone very smoothly oh yeah I mean we have a few hiccups that we can deal with I thought that echo was gonna be an issue but it seems like it's just those microphones that was the echo, right? It is right because it doesn't sound any different than me I like the purple behind you. It's fetching. It's really for your skin tone. Let me say put me up on the oh, yeah

I like it's a nice change You know and the real the only reason and all honestly we want purples because the guy was doing it said I Couldn't find red the first time so I'm gonna look at this at this new place. I said, well, what do you got? And he said, well, there's a lot of other colors. I go, you got purple? And he goes, oh, we can get purple. I'm like, let's go with purple. Fuck it.

Purple is the ancient color of royalty. Is it? Yeah, Jesus. It was always a symbol of Jesus, purple, because it meant the royals. I didn't know that. Yeah. Hmm. It's a beautiful color.

It is. It's flowers, right? It's like tulips and shit. There we go. Royalty in Europe. Since the time that the Roman emperors wore a Tyrian purple toga pretexta. How do you say that? Pretexta? Hmm. Toga, pray, wow. P-R-A-E-T-E-X-T-A. How do you say that? Pretexta?

Pretexta? Purple has been the color most associated with royalty. The British royal family and other European royalties still use it as a ceremonial color on special occasions. What is that plant? Is that some purple cabbage or some shit? I'm pretty sure it's cauliflower. Cauliflower? Pretty, pretty, pretty color.

Purple, I was associated with Prince. That's right. There you go. That was one of the biggest bummers for me of celebrity deaths. Prince was one of the all-time biggest. That's amazing. I was talking to, because when Tom Petty died, that one really...

That was a hard one, too. That was a hard one because he was such the fucking soundtrack of our teen years. And older years. I mean, Free Fallin' when I was in my 30s. His songs continue. But somehow Prince who didn't have... You couldn't name

more than three Prince songs. And yet, most people can't. Oh, I could. I could. And yet, most people can't. Yeah, I was a, dude. Really? Yeah, Prince played a big part in my late teen life. Wow. Yeah, I was a huge Prince fan.

Purple Rain time? Controversy, even before that. Yeah. I was a fan of Prince from his first cassette when it was just him with no shirt on, on the cover looking very androgynous, like there was no one like him before. I remember seeing that cover somewhere and going, what the fuck is this? Like, what is this guy?

And then I heard some of the songs. I don't even remember what the big hits were off of the first one. This is pre-Purple Rain, though. But I remember Controversy. This is pre-Purple Rain, though. But I remember Controversy. Controversy.

Remember that song? No. Do I believe in God? Do I believe in me? Some people want to die so they can be free. Controversy. That's it, that's the cover Oh yeah, look at that Look at him, just a little tiny patch of hair in the middle of his chest

No, but my point being Prince Not knowing a big catalog of his music It did mean a lot to me What was that released in the 70s? Really? What does it say? 79? Wow Released in 1979 October 19th, wow, real close to today 70s? Really? What does it say? 79? Wow.

Released in 1979, October 19th. Wow, real close to today. Real close to today in 79. Almost 40 years ago. Wow. That's crazy. That's crazy. More of an impact on you than Bowie? Yeah, for me.

I mean, I was a big bowie fan too but the thing about prince that was uh harder than bowie for me was that bowie died of a disease right yeah didn't he yeah he had uh was he cancer i think he had some type of cancer prince died from painkillers yeah Yeah. That's what drove me nuts. It's like that goddamn fentanyl. They found fentanyl in his body. And I remember thinking at the time, like, God damn it. I can't believe these fucking pills got Prince. That was the Michael Jackson drug too, right?

No. No, no, no. Michael Jackson died. Yeah. He died from anesthesia. He was so fucked up that before he died he couldn't sleep so he would get anesthetized.

Just stop and think about how many demons you have to have where Ambien doesn't work anymore. Yeah. The amazing thing is he would get up out of that and they said he was the first guy on the set choreographing his own shit,

rehearsing harder than anybody. Well, I wonder when he started doing that. No, his last tour he was like that. He was preparing for his final tour, and he was working his fucking balls off. Wow. Yeah. You can't do that very long, apparently.

Apparently that's part of the problem, was that stuff, it limits your REM sleep. Yeah. You can't do that very long, apparently. Apparently, that's part of the problem was that stuff, it limits your REM sleep. Yeah. Which is, by the way, one of the biggest things that's been happening to me since not smoking pot for all these days. All these many, many moons. 16 days, is that what we said? 17 days? The dreams are way different.

Like, way different. Like, intense dreams. Like, I have weird dreams, man. Like, they're very vivid. And I never thought about that before. Are they the same dreams over and over again? No, not at all. But they're very vivid.

Like, way more vivid than when I was smoking pot all the time. Wow. Like way more. Because you think you're in a deeper REM cycle? I've heard things, but I don't know what it is. Jamie, pull up that. See if you can find out what it is. What's the cause?

Before, I thought it had to do with the alpha waves state that marijuana puts you into. I don't know if that's true. Does that make sense? I don't know. A little bit. Because you can't... Your body is not at rest, or your brain isn't at rest while it's doing the alpha. You need beta waves, I think, for rest. I don't know what it is, but whatever the fuck it is,

when you don't smoke pot, when you smoke pot all the time for years, and then you don't smoke pot, you have some fucking dreams, baby. Woo! Like, they're intense. Like, sometimes I wake up to pee and I go what the fuck is going on in my head Wow like weird crazy dreams like being in a plane where it comes really close to hitting a mountain the next thing you know you're

hanging on the ledge of a building and the next thing you know you're running through the woods and next thing you know you you know it's fucking freezing cold you're trying to stay warm and you've got a fire going. Yeah. What kind of fucking wacky primal dreams am I going through here? That's awesome. It's very weird because I'm waking up and I'm just like, it's not like I wake up and I'm scared. I wake up going, what the fuck am I doing?

Studies on cannabis and sleep were conducted in 1970s. Studies on cannabis and sleep were conducted in 1970s. Some information about the possible effects of cannabis and sleep. Low dose of THC, 4 to 20 milligrams, mildly decreased REM sleep in both regular users and non-users. Interestingly, deep sleep was increased when cannabis was initially used, but this effect disappeared after repeated use. With high doses of THC, 50 to 210 milligrams, now stop and think about Lee Sy had eaten 500. Yeah, right. And that's edible, which is way different.

REM sleep was decreased in both regular users and non-users. Total sleep time was not affected, but deep sleep was decreased. When THC was stopped, some rebound in rem sleep was found with reduced sleep time and increased time to fall asleep now this is interesting because what i want to know oh look at this some people do have withdrawal symptoms when stopping prolonged and heavy use of cannabis and this can adversely affect sleep i I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms. Zero, none, not one. But what's interesting to me is I wonder if there's any benefit

to having those dreams, rather, versus not having those dreams. Like, I wonder if in some way I'm doing myself a disservice by smoking pot all the time. I wonder if there's like a, you know, is there like a point of diminishing returns about, because like there's a lot of benefits for cannabis, right? There's a

lot of benefits in terms of the anti-inflammatory effects. There's neuroprotective effects of cannabis that they found that regular users, like they think it might actually like hold off Alzheimer's in some people. But I wonder, you know, what's the, what's the balance? Cause I'm really, I've never really considered that it was an issue at all. I always felt like there was zero health, uh, like negative health effects of using it for me personally. I'm like, I get my blood work done regularly. I'm healthy. I eat really well.

I take a lot of vitamins. I exercise regularly and I like pot. So I smoke pot. And obviously it's not hurting me. It's not like people who drink all the time and fuck up their liver and their body. But now I'm wondering. It doesn't affect your memory. You have a great memory.

It's pretty good. Maybe it'd be better. Maybe. You know? Essentially, what do you got here, Jamie? This is a longer article about alcohol and marijuana effects on sleep. But this is the marijuana part. Oh, okay.

What does it say? Furthermore, it can increase slow-wave NREM deep sleep, which is good because that's where experts believe most of your actual recuperation takes place. However, as you continue to consume, your slow-wave sleep will get severely reduced, reducing the restfulness of your sleep is supposed to provide. Reducing, rather, restfulness of your sleep is supposed to provide. Reducing, rather, the restfulness your sleep is supposed to provide. But here's the thing. What if I get high during the day? Why is that affecting my sleep at night?

That's what's confusing. Because it's not like I get high a lot at night. Sometimes me and the missus will smoke a little before I give her some of that. Nice. Yeah, sure. It feels better that way. You punch her? No, that's the high fuck. Sometimes me and the missus will smoke a little before I give her some of that Nice Yeah sure Feels better that way You punch her? You smoke pot?

No That's the high fuck Oh Wow that's a hard fuck That's why I'm scared of Christy Blinky's too old She can't take it anymore I told you to duck Christy I don't want her to bleed

Like your butthole did that day You can throw it with a finger Couple days You know if you have sex with someone they start breaking That's not good I wanted to bleed like your butthole did that day. A couple days. You know, if you have sex with someone, they start breaking. That's not good. But I'm wondering. I'm wondering, like, I need to know. I want to find out, like, what's the...

I'm going to start looking into this now. Now, is that different than that stuff that CBDs. Yeah, very different. Yeah, very different. Is it possible? Yeah, CBDs don't have psychoactive effects. I disagree. No, I know what you're talking about.

You're talking about that Charlotte's Web. Yes. See, that is different. That shit gets me high. Yeah, see, it doesn't get me high. But I'm not sure if we have the same, obviously we don't have the same body, like what affects you food-wise. Everybody's different when it comes to that stuff.

But Charlotte's Web has a bunch of other cannabinoids. It's not just CBD. And that's one of the more beneficial aspects of it is that stuff uses the full plant. So maybe CBD wouldn't get you high but maybe that kind of hemp oil more comprehensive right cannabis oil would get you high that's interesting to get you high like how high nice high just like mellow more like takes the anxiety out and makes me just really it's really nice at the end of the day around around 5 o'clock when you're reentering the family. Maybe you have, maybe some of that anxiety is coming from inflammation.

And maybe what it's doing is reducing inflammation and relaxing you. Yeah. That's what I would guess. Yeah. Because it doesn't make people test positive for THC. So, like, if you had a company and you were working for them, I don't want to get anybody fired, but I'm pretty sure they've tested this stuff.

And if you had a company and you're working for them and they piss test you, and if you're taking Charlotte's Web Oil, I don't think it does anything to you. I don't think it shows up. How fucked up is that, man? Having a job that tests your piss. Hey, Greg, what are you, having fun over the weekend yeah

you fucking loser yeah those are the same jobs that tell you can't date anybody from work it's like all right so you got me working 12 hours a day i don't see anybody else in my life and i can't date the women that i'm you know yeah but that creates complications man i know but they shouldn't make it illegal that's true they can suggest it But how weird is that how people what to do they do they fucking tell a manager? He can't that's sleep with an employee Well, that's cuz they're worried about some Harvey Weinstein. Oh, yeah, right that makes sense Cuz that's always the thing the boss fucking the secretary, right? You know, I know a guy a real recently a guy who works for this big-ass corporation that got busted Yeah, send it home to the secretary, baby a real recently guy who works for this big-ass corporation that got busted. Yeah?

Sending it home to the secretary, baby. Oh, shit. In that office, day in, day out, looking at each other, giving each other a nod. What are you doing? And then one day... In the workplace or they went to a hotel? I don't know. I don't know the specifics, but he's in trouble. You know him personally? I know... I can't talk the specifics, but he's in trouble. You know him personally?

I know. I can't talk. Yeah. I'll tell you later. All right. When you tell me the story about the guy who gave babies to Michael Jackson. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Oh, that's right.

Even worse, your story involves kids dying that got sent to Michael Jackson, isn't it? Isn't that what it is? It's entirely possible. Yes. Now I know what you're referring to. Yeah. Oh, I got other things to tell you about that guy. That guy. We can't tell you, folks, because...

We don't want to get sued. Yeah. You just can't talk about certain things. But who knows what was actually going on. You know, I've always had the weirdest theory about Michael Jackson. What? That he was castrated. He's a castrata.

Oh, I would buy that. The voice. The voice, the body. Extremely thin. It didn't look like he had any muscle at all. Which is like what someone who's been castrated would look like. No testosterone at all. Couldn't sleep.

Super high-pitched voice. Kept that high-pitched voice deep into his 50s. Yeah. I mean, I don't think the sleep thing, I think it's just riddled with anxiety and craziness and all the fucking plastic surgery. I mean, he was literally an exercise in madness. Yeah.

That was a person who went mad from people paying attention to him. Yeah. With unlimited resources. Is that him looking jacked? That doesn't look as jacked as a girl who goes to CrossFit. You know what's amazing, though, about him is for a scrawny, effeminate guy, he acted like a badass in his videos. You know what I mean?

in his videos. You know what I mean? He actually played the part of a guy who was like, you know, gonna kick somebody's ass. Smooth criminal. Didn't he have a sports jacket on in the Thriller video?

Like a letterman's jacket, right? Yes. I watched Thriller the other day. My kids love it, man. They love the scene where he turns into a werewolf. My youngest daughter goes, he's like a little cat person.

It's not even a wolf. They're making it a cartoon or some shit. Thriller? Yeah, in some way or another. Huh. The werewolf was so corny looking now. It was so weird. It was not really a werewolf.

It was like a werewolf cat sort of thing. You remember? Remember what it looked like? Yeah, yeah. Like the whiskers grew out of his face. I remember being like super excited about it because it was Rick Baker

that did it he's the same guy who did the American Werewolf in London he did a lot of Star Wars he's a makeup guy special effects guy he created those masks

and all the crazy shit all special effects that you saw in like a lot of like the really badass horror movies back then like there that's it

like what is that that's not a wolf what movies back then like there that's it uh-huh like what is that that's not a wolf what are those whiskers like that's some kind of like a monkey mouth yeah you're right it's like almost like a baboon mouth right what is that hey it's like a baboon man that's snake eyes yeah it's like a lot of things yeah but that one looks like a werewolf go go full screen on that one you got oh see oh, see? Ooh, that's badass. It was pretty cool. It was interesting. Yeah. But it was not a werewolf like you would think of a werewolf, like an American

werewolf and London werewolf. It also had on the high school jacket. Right? Did it? It pulled up the American werewolf in London. I don't remember that. Oh, maybe not. An American Werewolf in London. I don't remember that. Oh, maybe not. American Werewolf in London, maybe he did when they were walking through the bogs, because he was supposed to be a college guy.

Right. So maybe he had a college letterman's jacket on. Oh, no, it was just a, yeah. It was a caparca. Yeah, it was just a down coat. Fuck, that's a good movie. That was, I got to show my kids that movie. Don't show them. Oh, they're old Fuck, that's a good movie. That was... I gotta show my kids that movie. Don't show them.

Oh, they're old enough. It's an intense movie. Oh, look at that. Jesus Christ. Go full screen on that. I don't remember that scene. That's a painting or something. Oh.

Oh, obviously. Whoa. How old should my daughter be before she watches Bruno? What's Bruno? Oh, that's the gay... Eh, now. Fuck it. It's okay, right? Yeah, she likes the Beach Boys. Show her some gay shit. She'll ask me if she can watch a movie

at dinner and I'm always like, I don't know what's appropriate anymore for anybody. My wife got mad because I showed the nine-year-old the original Alien movie. Oh, did it scare her? No. She's a little badass. She hung in there. She loved it. Yeah? She's like, mommy says I can't watch it anymore. It's a slow movie. A lot of times

kids like that, their intention span is too short for a slow movie like that. You really think that movie's slow? Oh, yeah. I heard Blade Runner, the new Blade Runner, is very slow. I know the old one was. But very awesome. Really? Yeah, I heard it's like super underrated. All these people are like, it's not doing well. Yeah.

I haven't seen it, but I need to see it. But a lot of people are saying that it's like really slow. Yeah. No movies are doing well this year. What do you think that is? Maybe people are watching Netflix more? I think that's exactly what it is. Because the movie experience is an hour and a half, two hours, right?

Plus getting there, parking. A lot of money. Yeah. Netflix is like, what, nine bucks a month? Mm-hmm. And you could just binge watch House of Cards until your fucking head falls off. Yeah.

I'm watching The OA right now. Do you know what that is? It's a weird supernatural thriller on Netflix. Really? It's fucking great. It's great. Although some assholes on Twitter thought it was a good idea to give me some spoilers. Oh, that's

fucked up. You twats. I shouldn't have said it. I was just trying to tell people that I found a good show, and then I fucked up because, again, late at night, barely paid attention, read some of the comments. I'm like, God damn it. It's got a wolf shirt on.

What does it say? We don't need a season two of the OA. Oh, fuck off. People just think it's such a great idea to be negative. I know. It's so much fun to be negative. Although I badmouthed Aerosmith on this episode. You did a little bit.

I'm a hypocrite. I don't feel good about that. Well, you did what you got to do. Oh, my. You know what the best show I've seen in a long time is The Americans. It's on Amazon Prime. It's about this couple that comes from Russia. And they've been taught to be Americans from the time they were like you know

12 years old. You know that's based on a true story. Yeah. Yeah. Montclair, New Jersey. Dude. That fucking the acting is Keri Russell. I forget the guy's name but they're just so fucking good. She's a badass. Keri Russell. What else has she been in? She was in that

Felicity which was huge. What's that? It was on 15 years ago on fox yeah but it's like i watched six i watched six seasons of it in in uh six months and they fucked a bunch of other people right like it was part of their job is they both go off and fuck other people and what are the people he has to fuck? Well, I don't want to spoil it. Hey, settle it down. You'll see. You'll see it all. Don't say nothing.

All right, let's wrap this up, and we're going to talk about all the things we couldn't talk about on the air. Yeah. Hey, thank you so much for being on episode one. My pleasure, brother. Can I give you some dates? Fuck yeah, yeah.

Oh, kill the music. Let everybody know where the fuck Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be. Ladies and gentlemen, coming to you. Greg Fitzsimmons.com. Yeah, Fitzdog.com. Fitzdog.com. Fitzdog.com. This weekend in Grand Rapids, Michigan, the 19th through the 21st.

Spokane Comedy Club, November 2nd through the 4th. Atlanta Punchline, November 17th through 19th. And Zany's in Nashville, December 8th and 9th. Boom. Boom. Zany's in Nashville, one of the great clubs in the country. It's a fun club. It's one of the best.

Oh, wait a minute. No, I've never worked there. Oh, good. No? No. Oh, good. That was one of the ones, remember I was telling you where Gersh kept clubs from me? Yeah.

When I was with them? That was one of the ones. Oh, all right. It's a great spot. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, that is it for episode one from the new studio. Thank you so much. We'll be back soon.

Bye-bye.