The Joe Rogan Experience - #1045 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: November 28, 2017

Bryan Callen is an actor and stand-up comedian, and together with Brendan Schaub he also hosts “The Fighter & The Kid” podcast available on Spotify.

I was listening to some old-timey music the other day and it was making me think of how depressing it would be if that was the only music that you could hear it's the David Lynch movie the David Lynch in his movies he always has those songs like there's a woman dead in a hotel and there's just this Can you imagine living in the days where that tuba with a needle at the bottom of it?

My grandfather had one of those. Really? In my home in Pelham, in his home in Pelham, New York, they had an old chronograph.

I think that's what it's called, right? That's crazy. A chronograph and they would play classical. My grandparents never listened to, they were Sicilian.

They never listened to music. Did your parents or your grandparents have the TV in a cabinet? Uh-huh. They certainly did. And then if the TV would die, a lot of times folks would put the new TV on top of the cabinet. They would keep the cabinet with the blown out TV. Dude, everybody did that. Well, I had a family that never threw anything away.

No, mine neither. Never, ever. I'm talking about road cones. You go out to my attic and you find crazy shit up there. Road cones? Yes. Phonograph, not a chronograph. A phonograph.

What's a chronograph? What's the difference? But they also had a chronograph watch. Oh, watch. Oh, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, chronology.

God damn it. Yeah. Those things were crazy. Like, that was how they used to listen to music. A tuba attached to a needle. That's right. And you'd hear... And the speaker must have sounded like dog shit.

My dad used to have a dust cover for his turntable. And he would... There was a ritual to how you clean your LP. Oh, there's a ritual? Yeah, you gotta dust it off. You have a special cloth and all that shit. Look at that thing yep that's just take a peek at that fucker look at that that's nuts for people at home it looks

like it does look like a traffic cone right it does right like a big old brass traffic cone little needles i read i read that ted williams the great uh this might have been a myth but the great baseball player ted williams who could hit a fastball, hit any kind of ball. And he apparently could read the label of a record as it was going around. His eyes could slow shit down. Holy shit. Yeah. I wonder if that's true.

I wonder, yeah. You know, it's. These are one of these things you hear, right? Yeah. Like Joe Frazier was in a hotel room. There were four flies in the room. They were sorry about the flies. And he went and caught them all.

And he goes, here are your flies. Get the fuck out of here. Eddie Griffin was telling us a Bruce Lee story once. It was one of those. Yeah. I heard that Bruce Lee was in a fight with 30 men. And he stood in the center of all of them. And you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Where'd you hear this from? I heard he never was in a ring. I heard he never was in a ring. I heard he never sparred once. I don't think Bruce Lee ever fought competitively. It says it here.

Did he ever fight competitively? It was rumored. No, but he did one thing once where he sparred at this karate festival. One sparring session.

Cool. All right, well, good luck. Well, that you can see. Good luck against a guy like Darren Till. It says to be able to read the label.

No, good luck to everybody against a guy like Darren Till. Yeah, that's true.. No. Good luck to everybody against a guy like Darren Till. Yeah, that's true. Good luck. Good luck. I mean, God. Yeah. Vinny Shorman, who is, he does color commentary for a lot of big Muay Thai events.

Yeah. And super knowledgeable, like as a striker. And he's also a hypnotist. I got hypnotized by him a couple of times. Really? I kept my pants on. Yeah. Damn it.

But he got me. Sorry. Yeah, he hypnotized me. Fascinating. Hypnotism is fascinating. Did you get hypnotized? 100%. Really?

Yeah, I gave in to it. Yeah, just let yourself achieve the state. But you realize what it is. It's like, oh, you've got this idea where someone can turn you into a Manchurian candidate if they hypnotize you and you wouldn't have control of your brain anymore. No, no, no. You're relaxing. Yeah. You're relaxing and you're open to suggestion in your brain anymore. No, no, no. You're relaxing. Yeah.

You're relaxing and you're open to suggestion in an interesting state of mind that you can achieve. Right. See, like, I just think there's a larger spectrum of the way the mind works than we give it credit for. And I think, I've been thinking about this a lot, that that's one of the things that happens with stand-up. I think if you're on stage and you're killing in stand up if i'm in the audience it's like you've got me

hypnotized i'm locked up into your line of thinking and like your act is very silly so like when i'm watching you like i start thinking in silly ways and then you'll keep getting sillier and sillier and then like i'm locked into your head it's like head. It's a form of hypnosis. 100%. I think that so is being in a good place. Thank you, young Jamie. So is being in a good place mentally. So is being in a bad place. I think there's

a large spectrum in the mind of all these different... Cheers. Where are you going, fucker? You can't... What kind of wine is this? Stag's Leap. Stag's Leap is fantastic. Artemis. Cheers, James. It's alright.

It's a solid wine. It's a good juice, guys. I like when people say, it's a good juice. It's a good juice. Those guys are gross. Hey, you guys who say it's a good juice and you're talking about wine. It's a sexy juice. Stop talking to me.

Honestly, it's a sexy juice. Kind of feels like a- Can't talk to you. It's like taking a big bite out of wet hay. Not gonna do it. It's like having a wet dog. It's a great juice. Shake itself at you.

Have you ever gone to like a real wine tasting with a bunch of nerds? Sure have. Because I'm one of those nerds. Have you ever gone to a wine tasting where you grated a wine

and you stood up and said it has woody aftertones and there's a I was invited I was invited by a guy a long time ago 20 years ago and he said I was invited by a guy a long time ago,

20 years ago, and he said, I'm going to invite you to a wine tasting where we all bring our own wines. And he said, he's a good guy, he goes, I said, well, what do I bring? And he said, I don't want to insult you, but you can't afford the kind of wines that we're bringing.

So I'm going to bring you a bottle from my cellar so it doesn't make you look. That's how big these wines were. And I was there with the guy from like Zaki's or whatever, they're different Sotheby's. The guys that set the standard and write the thing. And I was watching him taste it and write down notes. It was really wild.

Nutmeg, leather, mushrooms, earth, you know, all kinds of weird tasting notes. It's so subjective. My buddy Matt is a huge wine head. Like he's got his own cellar in his house it's all temperature controlled and if i'm at a restaurant i'll call matt powerful matt lichtenberg i'll call him up and i'll i'll go hey okay let me tell you what i got yeah tell me what to get yeah and he'll just like oh the reason why this is this one sucks and stay away from this one and this is this is what you want that's's your groove right there. Grab that one. I'm like, okay.

And he's always right. LeBron's been known as a new wine head, and he posted some of his bottles the other day. That Sassicaia is a ridiculously good one. I've had that at 97. So LeBron is a wine head. Powerful. Yeah, he has quite a few bottles of Opus One, apparently, which is— Opus One is not—that Sassicaia is way better than Opus One.

Look at what he wrote here. Last night was mad real. Fresh out of Advil. Jesus grabbed the wheel. Sheesh. Imagine getting fucked up with LeBron James. I think I brought that wine to your... The one with the yellow...

I think you did. I think I brought that here. I think you did, yeah. That looks very familiar. Yeah, that's some good-ass fucking wine. Chasson Montruchet. Good-ass wine, Mr. Super Athlete. There you go.

That's a real one. There's some real super athletes we gotta listen. He's an avatar. I don't give a fuck what kind of steroids you take. You ain't never gonna look like that. Never. Never. Never.

Like, there's human beings that have just the most unfathomable physical advantages. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Like LeBron James would have like an unfathomable physical advantage over someone who would have an unfathomable physical advantage over you. Yeah. Well, I did a thing. I asked the guy who follows this, Jimmy Burke, about LeBron James. I called him up and I left him one message. I said, Jim, and I want you to be honest and don't insult me.

At what age did LeBron James surpass me as an athlete? And be careful with your fucking answer. He's an eight. Because I'm a proud man. I'm a proud man. And I'll kick your fucking ass. I hung up the phone. I got a very thoughtful, very thoughtful dissertation.

And I just got this. 12 years old. And there's no question about that. 12. By the time he was 14, he was 6'4", 235, best player in the country. You were not that. You're not even close to that. He was 14? He was 6'4"? Yeah, I think he was 6'4". Look at him. Yeah, he's a freak.

Yeah, there you go. Look at the size of him. Oh my God. Yeah, he's 6'9", 265, and I sat next to Carlos Puzar, who played with him, and they're the same size, and he goes, he's just a step faster than everybody as well, and just ridiculously strong. Well, see, a guy like that, if he was fighting, everybody would be fucked. Of course. They're lucky.

They are goddamn lucky there's that much money in basketball. That's right. He's incredibly fast. And people go, well, you know what, man? Some things that make a great basketball player wouldn't necessarily make you a great fighter. Listen. Listen to me. Save it.

That guy's going to beat your fucking ass. Yeah. He's a winner. There's just a certain level of winners. He'd do whatever the fuck he wants. Whatever he wants. Bo Jackson could have done whatever the fuck he wanted. I worked with Bo Jackson for a week.

Did you? Yes, I did. Bo Jackson for a week. Did you? Yes, I did. And he was, and I said, what do you weigh? He was in a white t-shirt. And I was looking at the thickness of his fingers. You know me, I obsess because I'm basically a gay man. So I was looking at his hands. I grabbed his hands.

It was just this giant meat. And I said, what do you weigh? He goes, I'm, he said, I remember, it was so weird, He was so specific. He said, um, six, one and a half,

240 pounds to 245 pounds. And he was the same size when he played. And he never has lifted weights in his life ever. And he didn't lift weights when he played. He would just, as in his words, I just strap it on and I'd hear the other team going, Bo's in the game,

Bo's in the game. But you have to also understand that Bo Jackson, not only did whatever he wanted to you on the football field, faster than everybody at 245 and stronger. He was also a, was he not an MVP in baseball? All-star at least. I don't know about MVP, but for sure all-star. That's unheard of.

Deion Sanders played both ways, but there's no one like Bo Jackson. That's crazy. Throwing BBs. Throwing fucking ropes from center field. I mean, a whole different a whole different kind of one tackle one hip injury that's changed all that shit well it was his hip started to die it was some kind of necritis in his bone or something it's from getting hit there was a very famous hit that he got tackled you could see like the impact that it has on his hips when he

goes down at least i remember am i remembering that correctly there's a video right yeah yeah yeah you can see the injury. Just a ridiculous athlete. And still came back and was smashing home runs with a fake hip. Came back and played baseball. Just couldn't really run anymore, you know? Just a different kind of guy. I wonder if they could fix that hip now, you know?

Think about what his hip was then and what his hip is now. Well, I think you'd have to generate tissue. So I don't know if we're there yet, but we're getting close. What I mean is like the artificial hips. I wonder if those to generate tissue so i don't know if we're there yet but we're getting close what i mean is like the artificial hips i wonder if those are better now i don't know did you read a book called sapiens i sent you uh probably not but yuval harari everybody should read it it's an amazing book and and it's a brief history of mankind but it brings us to present day and he also wrote another book called homo deus i think when did you send this to me i i sent you a screenshot so you got to read this book oh okay but he he talks about um where we're headed technologically he's really done the research i mean really looking honestly at what medical

research what to expect in the next 30 years what does he say well i mean you know the the not only are we going to live much longer if you have the money, but the real question he ends the book with in a way is we have to decide as human beings. For the first time in our history, we can control our own evolution. So we have to ask ourselves what we want to become. That's a really big responsibility. What do you want to become? What do we want to become? Because that question can be answered.

We will have the technology to answer that question. And it can get silly where you can say we could splice our genes with a lion or with a gorilla. But more importantly, we'll be able to splice our genes with synthetic biology and become... But it's a very heavy question. So if you want to live forever, if you become what he called, I think it was amoral, or there's a different word for it. People are going to get mad at you for fucking 50-year-olds. Like, they don't know anything yet. God, how could you fuck a 50-year-old?

You'd be like 1,000 years old. I know. You'd be so smart and so wise. People go, you know how gross you are? You're fucking someone who's 50 years old? Like, as a human we figured look we only think of ourselves as like oh you should have your shit together by 50 because we know we only live to be 100 but the reality is most people don't get their shit together period yeah like it's a race

that nobody's winning yes but we all know that if we just if we had an infinite amount of time we would keep getting better at getting our shit together you would not be who you were yesterday and hopefully you'd be much better than you were a year ago. But I think about something different. But if that's the case, though, if you get to 900 years old, are you still allowed to bang 50-year-olds? She's a fucking kid, bro. I mean, when is it okay? I mean, if she's super hot.

Well, vampires fuck, like, 30-year-olds. Right, but we're talking about people, bro. Apparently not, if we can live that long. No, if they figure out medical science and this is not outside the realm of possibility.

They can regenerate tissue and use stem cells to rejuvenate your body and you live 900 fucking years old. Are you allowed to bang 50 year olds or are you gross? Well,

it takes, but then actually what I think the answer is it takes time and it flips it on its head. I mean, time no longer has a consequence because there's not, has a consequence because you don't really have limitations. The biggest thing about human beings, right, is that we have limitation.

We know we're going to die. That's the fundamental difference between sort of the idea of a robot being just like a human. We are defined by our limitations. Right, but you know why they bring the draft around and try to get young people to get drafted. They don't want to go after 40-year-olds and 50-year-olds because it won't work. I wonder if it gets to a certain age. I wonder if you live to a certain age and cults just don't work anymore. I wonder if it only works up until you're 50 or 60 or 70.

But if people live forever, it would be just like telling Santa Claus to a little kid. You tell Santa Claus to your 5-year-old, they're like, whoa, Santa Claus is real. You tell Santa Claus to your five-year-old, they're like, whoa, Santa Claus is real. You tell Santa Claus to a 15-year-old, they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Same kid. It'd be like, dad, you're retarded. Stop this. This is so stupid. It depends on whether or not you've broadened your understanding.

There are a lot of cult members, but if you're a cult leader and you're 900 years old and you're just banging all these 50-year-old ladies, you're an asshole. They're like little kids still. Maybe. leader and you're 900 years old and you're just banging all these 50 year old ladies you're an asshole they're like little kids still maybe maybe well 50 year olds are not gonna look like 50 year olds they're gonna look really hot but my point is like they're still gonna be naive yeah they still put fucking holy water on themselves they still do you know there's there's gonna be weird shit but they'll be attracted to the 900-year-old because you'll be full of wisdom. Plus, you'll be like a sorcerer. Yeah.

There's kind of power you'd have if you're 900 years old. Well, as you get older, the mystery of life breaks down. You remember when you were younger and you'd see somebody who was really good at something? You're like, God, they're a genius. And then you kind of get, you start, you know, you get to a certain age where you get good at something or you just start to do it enough and you go. There's a certain formula to success. Like, sometimes, like, to be really good at go, there's a certain formula to success. Like sometimes like to be really good at something, there's a mindset for competition.

But to be really good at something also just requires a shitload of repetition and good tutelage, like good coaching. There's a lot of that, a lot of focus. And one of the things that you recognize in people when you see enough people that are like really truly awesome at something, you see enough of them, you start to recognize this like thing. Like I especially can see it in musicians because I have zero talent. Because I have zero musical talent whatsoever.

Zero. Have you ever tried to actually hold a tune? No. Just try this. Try to sing, all serious, don't laugh. Try to sing, just look at me, it's embarrassing, but do it. Try to sing, I want you to sing Silent Night, Holy Night. Try to hit it, then Just look at me. It's embarrassing, but do it. Try to sing. I want you to sing Silent Night, Holy Night.

Try to hit it, then do it right, and then I'm going to try it. It's so hard. So nervous. It's so vulnerable. I'm asking you to sing two verses. But isn't it funny that making noises with your mouth is very vulnerable. Silent night. Holy night. That's not bad.

All is calm. Can you not be that whispery? Can you get a little power? All is bright. There you go. There you go. Down, young virgin. Mother and child What's the rest? I don't know.

Something in heavenly peace? Holy infant so tender and mild. Holy infant so tender and mild I forgot already. Sleep. Sleep in heavenly peace Thunder and mire. I forgot already. Sleep. Sleep. We have to go up. Heavenly peace.

I went immediately to the douchebag singer voice. Whispering. I know you did. Whispering voice. But you know what? You had. I think you were on tuned. I think you were.

He was tuned, wasn't he? Jamie? Tuner and key. Is that going key or tuned? Don't trust anybody who talks to you like that. Listen to me ladies. That's my joke about that's my joke where I do I talk about that. You can say nice dress just don't whisper it. That's where it's creepy.

That's funny. I always say that's one of my I was like there's certain things you can't whisper in life like you can be like your daughter is so cute. If you're like your daughter is so cute it's creepy. The creepy voice is recognized but you know what you know what is a fucking confusing ass voice is the scary voice you know the scary voice like next on twilight zone like anybody taught like any scary monster like and then they went down the dark dark road. Those people who have that kind of a scary voice. This summer.

And here's another one that doesn't work. Hell just got a lot of water. All the hottest girls. All the hottest dancing. Like that kind of like hot and sexy. Those old commercials, remember? Right, but there's like a weird rhythm to the way they're talking. It's like they're establishing very clear

parameters for vocabulary. Oh, the hottest girls. There's not going to be some soliloquies on your interpretation of consciousness as you know it versus the subjective view of the universe. No, no. It's all the hottest girls. All the hottest dancing. It's like you have these really short sentences

without much depth. We're really in tune. We're in tune with those rhythms. Right. Those girls are saying, look, to cut the bullshit, we're really in tune. We're in tune with those rhythms. Those girls are saying, look, to cut the bullshit, we're down to fuck. We got fake tits and we're drunk. That's what they're saying with that voice. Like that's what that voice is. Did you ever hear the experiment they did where they played doctors? So they took different doctors and some had been sued a lot.

And then they just took the doctors at bedside, they recorded them speaking and they took out the words so you could only hear the tone of their voice. And people said, I don't like that guy. And they didn't even know what they were saying. They said, I don't like that guy. And without almost like most of them chose the doctors that had been sued. And it turned out that they had a dominant tone so that their tone and the sound of their voice was what people objected to. And because their bedside manner was Malcolm Gladwell's book, their bedside manner was was dominant. They weren't they weren't sort of understanding and listening. They were rather telling the patient something. Those were the doctors, regardless of their errors or what they did, that had nothing

to do with their degrees, didn't even have to do with what they did. Those were the ones that got sued for malpractice. Yeah, now I remember. That's from Blink, right? Yes, I think it's from Blink. Blink's a great book. Yeah, it is. It's great.

And it's a great audio book, too. I got that one on audio book. I listen to it on audio. Oof. It's very important. I Yeah, it is. It's great. And it's a great audio book, too. I got that one on audio book. I listen to it on audio. It's very important. I always listen to shit on audio. I listen to sapiens on audio. It's very good. Because I drive.

Yeah, it's a very good way to, you know, I like podcasts, but I like to mix it up. It's like I don't want to only watch documentaries. I like watching fiction, too. I like to mix things up with what I take in and what I view, but I think that like audio books in particular, it's a great way to utilize wasted time. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Instead of listening to music, I always

listen to... I listen to a whole course on Nietzsche. How crazy was that story in Blink about the artwork where they found this old statue and this art expert looked at it for a second and went it's fake how much did you remember what came to his mind back remember the word that came to his mind what he said he knew it was fake because new nope uh close when when so so who's it was supposed to

be a statue was buried for 3 000 years a kuros right like a fully formed kuros is young boy in greek so it's a fully formed like statue, which is near Thessaloniki or something. And they tested the rock. The marble came from a query near there. They even tested the mold, which actually turned out to be something they put on potatoes, but the mold seemed legit and all that stuff. But he, the minute he saw it, he said,

can you get your money back? This is a fake and he didn't know why, but the first word that came to mind was fresh. Fresh. Kind of crazy, right? Yeah, makes sense. That's not what you're supposed to hear. But isn't it crazy that he was right?

Yeah. That you could just see? Like for you and I, we'd be like, wow, crazy statue. You know what I mean? We wouldn't have, but there's certain things that I'm sure you could see. Sure. Like there's certain things, like here's one that I see all the time. I see when people are about to spin from all my years of Taekwondo.

Oh, yeah. It's like a little simple dip that people go. He's looking to spin. I've heard you call that a lot. All the time. Because once you learn it when you're a little kid, because you've been kicked in the head a few times. Yep.

Like it becomes a part of your life. Pattern recognition. You see this little thing. Oh, he's trying to spin. He's trying to spin. You know? And you see it. Whereas a regular person is like, how the fuck are you seeing that?

Well, I've seen it because people have hit me. Yeah. Don't get hit by that. Yeah. Like when you see that move, like, oh, get out see it. Whereas a regular person was like, how the fuck are you saying that? Well, I've seen it because people have hit me. Yeah. Don't get hit by that. Yeah. Like when you see that move, like, oh, get out of there. Yeah. Well, one of the wealthiest guys, my friend who made a billion dollars more, his buddy is worth some crazy amount of money.

And so what's your secret? And he said, mirrors and windows. So what do you mean? He said, I can tell if somebody is going to pay me back. I can tell if somebody is a good investment or not. And he said, well, how? And he goes, you either got windows, you got mirrors for windows. He said, what do you mean? He said, I can tell if somebody's going to pay me back. I can tell if somebody's a good investment or not. And he said, well,

how? And he goes, you either got windows or you got mirrors for eyes. And if you got mirrors for eyes, you can go fuck yourself. You got windows, I'm going to lend you money.

And that's an instinct he would just pick up on. He could pick up on sincerity and he could pick up on whether or not you were a phony. You know, that's a real problem with communicating with people

in nonverbal ways and in non-person, non-face-to-face ways yeah um it's a real problem with like texting and stuff like that you're not looking into the person like i think it changes the way we talk to each other it changes interactions and i think most of the problem that people have most of the time with each other is not talking like today and especially not talking enough looking at each other in the eyes that's exactly figuring out like if maybe someone's someone's right and maybe you're wrong about something, you got to talk to them.

And you go, okay, well, what did you think I was supposed to do? And I did that? Okay. Okay. And what time were you supposed to be there? What time did we say? I thought we said this. And you can try to figure it out.

Well, you're looking at each other. Right. You know, when someone could say, look, man, I was really bummed out. You know, it was this really important thing. You were supposed to pick me up. And then you could work it out. You could look at each other and work it out. But when you go through these series of text messages, I've had text message discussions with people like, hey, man, I can't do this.

Like, let's just talk. Can we just talk? Because this is crazy because I don't know what your face is making when you're making the statement. You're saying something and it's not entirely accurate. And I'm trying to figure out what the fuck your face looks like. Are you laughing? Is this LOL? Can we look at each other? Because I bet we could work this shit out. That is the problem with reading sometimes about something and thinking you're getting the whole picture. What I like about Thaddeus Russell is that his book, A Renegade History of the United States, I think it's called, he actually takes a look at things that I've never heard.

I was a history major, and historians tend to be pretty conservative, stodgy people. Your average college professor is a pretty conservative guy, even though he might be very left-wing. They're conservative people. They're not going to find them at an orgy or, you know, usually or various things. And especially with historians. And when they write history, they always write it from this really stodgy kind of, you hear about the events. You actually don't hear about what it was like in the brothels.

You don't hear about what it smelled like in the bars. You don't hear about the noise. You don't hear about things that actually have an effect on people. Who were the criminals? How safe were the streets? Where were the prostitutes? Who was actually getting laid? Was there a lot of black and white sex that went on during the Revolutionary War, which apparently there was?

What about dancing? I bet there was a lot of dirty white ladies that got some dark dick in. I can only hope. I can only hope. It's the ultimate fuck you to your dad. Yes yes it is how many chicks just fucking couldn't wait I know as soon as it was the veil was lifted yeah as they say my dad is fighting to keep you a slave I'm fighting to suck your dick sounds like it's a hot dirty white girl with freckles

apparently there was a lot of that because what they would do is the irish would come in they were indentured servants then you had this black slaves and they danced they would go they'd be like these these speakeasies and everybody would mingle it'd be late at night black but beautiful black women and you know the black and white dudes be like dude these girls are hot you know and there was mixing and everything else and there was all kinds of shit like that remember slavery was being talked about as a great moral evil really back when this country was founded what really kind of one of the things they say that kept slavery going another hundred years was the cotton gin was the fact that eli whitney invented a machine that made it fucking really

really easy to separate the seed from the cotton and as a result this guy comes up with a great invention and his route they were like whoa we got all this free labor down here i'm not free in slaves this shit is white gold i can send it all i can send it to europe and there's an insatiable demand for my cotton fuck that i'm not gonna have my whole economy's built on the fact that i got all this free labor and i'm making a fortune So, you know a lot of historians kind of talk about how Eli Whitney invented a machine that was really efficient But might have been responsible for keeping an entire group of people in slavery for that is so crazy to think about You know he came up with a cotton gin. Most of the clothes that were made out of hemp Mm-hmm. This is hemp fiber for, and apparently it's way better than cotton.

It's stronger for sure, right? Way stronger. Todd McCormick, do you remember my friend Todd McCormick? He had this stalk of hemp in his house, and it was like from a hemp tree, and it's like it's from another planet. It doesn't seem like it's a real thing. So why? It's really hard, like it's a real thing so so why really hard but it's

really light like it's light like like balsa wood but it's hard like oak like it's weird it's cool and he was explaining to me and he knows way more about weed than I do but it was like dude it's an alien planet and it's an air an alien plant rather it's very hardy weed it's an alien plant it's like no other plant it has all the essential amino acids you you get essential oils from it it has protein in it a very high protein content like you can eat hemp seeds are great for you huh they're really healthy and you can make clothing out of it you can make fuel out of it hemp fuel henry ford made the first

fenders on the first model T out of hemp fibers. Really? There's a video of him hitting them with a hammer, and the hammer bounces off these hemp fenders. They're far more durable than steel. That's crazy. And it's an insane fiber, man. It doesn't make any sense. It literally is like no other

fiber on the planet. It's a really complex fiber, and it's illegal. And it's illegal. You can grow hemp, you can grow hemp, you just can't grow the female plant. And the government is doing their best to make CBDs being regulated by the FDA. They're all trying to stop CBD. There's people that are trying to stop CBD. It doesn't even have a psychoactive effect on you. Well, the guy who invented the, I mean, I don't know if he invented the dark web, but the Silk Road guy, Ulbricht? Yeah, I've got to point this out.

This is really important, though, before I forget. The CBD oil, folks. I'm reading a lot of reports online of people testing CBD and it tests positive for THC. Greg Fitzsimmons talked about this. He said that he tried CBD oil and it got him high. I don't know what he used, which company he used, but the studies that I've read where people have actually got them tested, there is THC in some of them. So you've got to be careful, especially if you have some UPS job or somewhere. I don't know if UPS tests your piss.

Or an athletic competition. Some place where they test your piss. If you take CBD oil for pain and inflammation, you've got to really make sure you trust the sources. Because I guess apparently it can have THC in it. Didn't you point that out? I don't know if I did, but I've seen that same thing in the last two weeks. I think you're the one who told me about it first. Yeah. It's not just because we were talking about Greg.

Like Greg gets high off CBD oil. I'm like, maybe it's just like a super lightweight. But I don't think so. Maybe. I think there's some weed in some of them. Craig might just be super sensitive. He loves the weed. Yeah.

I think if you just give him regular CBD oil, I bet he'd be fine. It might not even just be the CBD oil. I've noticed some head shops in states that it's not recreationally available. They're selling it in the same form as dabs and concentrates, and you smoke the CBD the same way

you would smoke that heavy concentrated shit. Whoa. And that crazy dab rig with a hot torch. So you smoke CBD oil that doesn't get you high in the dab rig. Yeah, and I don't know if that's what it is. Somebody gave me CBD oil to sleep better. It didn't work. It didn't?

I'll tell you what works. Smoking weed. You have a hard time sleeping? Yeah. I don't anymore so much much but you know I always worry yeah that'll do it yeah I worry that I

it's interesting sometimes I just I feel guilty about being so lucky I get into my really soft bed and I do what I love and I'm like when is the other foot going to drop here? if you really stop and think about how lucky you are in comparison to the vast majority of human beings on the earth. It's ridiculous.

What? You know. I mean, you know. I have zero tolerance for people that talk about how hard things are today. Like, they're complicated today. Yeah. They're not hard. It's complicated.

It's way more complicated. Of course there are hard moments. No one's denying your pain and your hard moments. But if you get a cut on your hand, you're not going to get gangrene. Yeah, it's just way easier. There are little things. You don't have to worry about the pox. Yeah.

There's so much more today. This is a fucking crazy time. And it's still, the thing about this time is, the good thing about it is, yeah, we're overpopulated. Yeah, we're crazy. Yeah, the yeah we're overpopulated yeah we're crazy yeah the system we're operating on doesn't make a whole lot of sense but

you could still go into the woods at any moment like there's a place where you can go right now where you can go in the woods like you can go you can go to Big Bear you just go for a hike

all of a sudden you're in the forest like oh this shit's still real this is still here too right you know yeah yeah yeah life is crazy and life is bizarre

but we haven't completely turned the whole world into a city. That's true. Guess what, bitch? That's coming. Yeah. If you look how goddamn big Los Angeles is, how much of it is covered in concrete and streets? And then the streets go off everywhere like veins. And oh, by the way,

200 years ago, no streets. They weren't there. But aren't wildernesses expanding in this country? Is that wrong? I do not think that wildernesses are expanding. There's more grazing land and stuff. I don't know. I mean, we're definitely suffering from urban sprawl, but I was surprised to see how little,

like the percentage of the continental United States that's actually inhabited, that actually has houses and all that, was really small. It surprised the shit out of me. Yeah. It's pretty small. Super. It's crazy how 6% or something. Yeah.

In these little areas. But yeah, like these people that live in these small towns all across the country, that is a big reason also why Trump won. They just felt totally unrepresented by all the people that live on the sides. I also think it's because they had, I think 50 50% of Americans have, what, $500 in their bank account? Something crazy. I think it might be less than that. I think it's $400. Well, if it's $400, think about that. That's why I get mad when people characterize—I don't like Trump.

But I never liked when people characterized all Trump supporters as racist, etc. I thought it was unfair because I think the majority of people want to live in some dignity. And they had Obama, eight years of Obama, say what you will, but their lives didn't change for a lot of reasons. I don't think Obama's to blame. There's a lot of reasons. Then along comes Hillary's speaking the same exact language. So if you're going to blame people for saying, wait, under eight years, I still only have $400 in my pocket. Here comes a woman who's speaking the same language. Oh, and by the way, there's a lot of rumors about her being corrupt. I have nothing to lose. I'm going to

try that other guy. Did you see what Donna Brazil wrote about one of the reasons why she came out with her book? It was after Seth Rich got murdered. She called him a patriot. Wow. I didn't know Seth Rich got murdered. Oh, that's right. That was that guy who worked for the DNC. There was a Bernie Sanders supporter. The WikiLeaks

has alluded to the fact that he leaked them information. He got shot in front of his house. Wow. And it became this big conspiracy theory where people would mock you for saying it was a conspiracy. And then Hannity ran with it. And so it became clearly, for a lot of people, the Seth Rich conspiracy theory that it was nonsense. Nobody knows what happened to that guy, though. He was murdered.

He had his watch on. He had his phone with him. He had his wallet on him. Nobody took anything from him him they shot him at four o'clock in the morning who knows what happened but when wiki leaks start saying that you gave them information and that there's consequences to you giving them information one of two things is happening either wiki leaks has decided all of a sudden to start lying right and making things up about people or two they were misinformed and someone was pretending to be this guy and sending them information.

It's always possible if they didn't meet face to face. Or three, they're telling you something you didn't know, that this guy who was just shot and murdered was leaking information about the DNC and how the DNC was corrupted by the Hillary Clinton group, which is what Donna Brazile is saying in her book. And that this guy released that and showed how the primaries were rigged against Bernie Sanders. And that Hillary,

Ari was sending me excerpts from it the other day. He's like, dude, Donna Brazile was saying that Hillary was in control of the DNC before the primaries. So is the implication that Hillary might have had something to do with his murder? That's the implication. Problem is that implication that Hillary might have had something to do with his murder? That's the implication. The problem is that the information was already out. Right.

Maybe he had more and maybe they were punishing him to stop other people from doing the same thing. Maybe other people had more information. You know, I don't know if it's true, but there was another guy that disappeared recently. It was a guy who had dirt on the Clintons. Some guy vanished. This is like really, really recent. See if you can find that one some guy just right just type in Google

Clinton dirt and this is like from Newsweek, so there's People have vanished and I don't know how many of them been murdered the people suicide themselves I don't know how many of them actually suicide themselves right, but it could let's just say one out of 10, just one out of 10 was an actual murder. Right. This guy, academic at the heart of Clinton Dirt Campaign, vanishes. What? Leaving trail of questions.

This is really recently. See, they figured out when you kill people, it's way harder. This might be the Russians too. Maybe. Could be. When you kill people, it's like, God damn, how'd this body get here? But when people just vanish. Damn. They just vanish damn they just vanish

poof that's crazy they vanish he just disappeared poof where's Eddie when I need him where's Mr. Bravo when I need him

he'd be going crazy he'd be going crazy about that one yeah but Eddie's conspiracy's turned in on themselves cause he'd be like

he's disappeared but he's not really what if he's not really dead what if that could be like, he's disappeared, but he's not really, what if he's not really dead? That could be that. Eddie, he loves himself a conspiracy. He gets so excited. Yeah, I know.

It's like watching a guy who's super into sports. Like a dude who's super into sports. All I'm saying is it's a little weird. Well, you know what I tried to say? Someone was like, well, why does he enjoy conspiracies? I said, well, first of all, he enjoys them. Like, enjoy what you like. But also, Eddie's always been really good at, like,

shutting down people not believing in his ideas with jiu-jitsu. Because Eddie has, like, revolutionary jiu-jitsu. Yeah. Like, his jiu-jitsu. Really creative. His rubber guard setups and all the different things, the paths that he, he fixed a lot of paths in traditional jujitsu. He changed a lot of things and did some things his way.

And when he would describe it to me, I was like, oh, this is a guy who like has an idea how to do things. And when people are opposing, he was like, nah, nah,

nah, nah, I'm going to shut that down and move over here. So that's interesting. So his brain works that way. Right. So when someone comes at him with an idea, he has an idea and he's going to try to get that idea through. And when you come at him with some weak attacks on that idea and just expect that he's going to relinquish his hold on the idea.

He's like, no, no, no, bitch. This don't make no sense. No, you don't have any information. It's going to take someone giving him real honest to goodness impossible to deny information that he's going to believe in any of the conspiracies that he believes in being false. Or it's going to take somebody to explain to him that his feelings control his thinking. That is true. But there have been conspiracies that have successfully been executed, which makes this whole thing way more confusing.

Sure. It's like, which one of these were real? To say that all conspiracies are bullshit, you are a victim of some reverse racism. Oh, yeah. No, no. I'm usually skeptical of conspiracies, especially government conspiracies,

because government is notoriously so completely out of sync and not efficient enough. And certainly there are so many different competing interests within government, just within an administration. Everybody's trying to undermine each other. And that's the history. And it was set up that way. And even if you talk about faking the moon landing, you'd have to have about 1,000, maybe 2,000 people to keep a secret.

That's impossible. That's not necessarily the case if you just had people thinking on a need-to-know basis with everything compartmentalized. Like, this guy's responsible for making the O-rings. This guy's responsible for making the jets. I don't know how it works. I don't know how it works either. But I do know that you're talking about, if you were trying to fake the

moon landing, one of the things that would be much easier is during the Nixon administration, they were getting used to faking things. Watergate was going on. But they all got found out, though, because somebody talks. You're just starting to develop the kind of special effects abilities where you can sort of recreate space scenes, like 2001. That was the big conspiracy theorist dream was that somehow or another there would be

some irrefutable proof that Stanley Kubrick was the one who worked on the moon landing. That was like, if I had found that, i'd be like coming in my pants like yes but eddie never acknowledges that the same impulse that drives him which is really to find the truth and to be skeptical yes of of people's claims and even evidence that's been written down yeah human beings have always always for the most part, unless there's something wrong with you, wanted to be in the know. Right. I don't know anyone who doesn't want to know the truth.

Of course. I don't know anybody who doesn't want to know, who likes being deceived. And so that's why it's almost impossible to keep a secret long-term in government. Well, also- Because somebody always talks. Here's another thing on the other side of it. Here's one of the reasons why the whole conspiracy thing is so attractive

to people. Because there's a reward chain built into the human psyche of solving a problem that's presented in front of you that could potentially be dangerous. It's a reward chain. And this reward chain gets acted upon even if you're talking about nonsense. Even if this is like some Area

51 UFO body fucking whatever it is. Roswell, New Mexico. The guy who was there, the general talked to my grandma. He told me about the coffins, four foot tall coffin. They're little alien babies. They took them to the back of the hearse. They had embalmed and my aunt saw it and they killed her in the forest. Stop.

Stop. I know. I can't. But when you have an explanation, you don't feel as unsafe. Yes. See, if I tell you that there are random things that happen, for example, the shooter in Las Vegas, he was 64 and there were no signs. He was very controlling. If you look at these, he's a good bit of a sociopath. He had this obsession with control. But if I just tell you that sometimes people wig the fuck out and they just want to shoot a bunch of people, that's not appropriate. There's also an anti-anxiety medication. Sure.

I'm sure. But there's also like when you say that stuff, it's like now what you're saying is I have no real way to protect myself. Even if I carry a gun, take all my vitamins, wear my seatbelt, there's always some crazy shit I didn't think about. It's called fate. The people I've talked to that understand psych medicines, I've talked to some psychiatrists I've had on the podcast.

I listened to Kelly Brogan talk about this. Kelly Brogan talked about it quite extensively. One of the things that she, her and many other psychiatrists brought up is the disassociative properties of a lot of these psych medicines. That someone might have a horrible idea in their head, but the repercussions of it are real. Like acting on it feels real. But as soon as you have some sort of heavy,

disassociative psych medicine, it's not even real. Like you don't care anymore. You're like, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're like watching yourself in a movie or something. You're on something that dulls all the highs and the lows. It puts you in this weird state where it's okay.

It's okay. It's okay to just kill these people. I don't know whether or not you could make the leap from being a person who could never kill somebody to being a person who doesn't have a problem with killing somebody. I don't know if that's true. Maybe that's a chasm too far to cross. chasm too far to cross but i guarantee you if you're the type of person that is having some horrible thoughts about like being aggressive to people and then someone puts you on something that makes you like i don't give a fuck like it's gonna it's gonna if you're who knows what the right chemical is too right like if they give you the wrong one maybe it'll switch you one way or

the right one they'll turn to you the other way, maybe it'll switch you one way or the right one, it'll turn you the other way. Or maybe we should add some abilifying to the mix. Maybe we should throw some of this in there. This is an anti-psychotic to help you all even out. Do you know you can have a lesion on your brain the size of the head of a pin? You can have a lesion. And if it's in the right, there's a specific area of the brain where it can be a tiny lesion that you can't see really barely with the naked eye and it can render You a homicidal maniac. That's my problem Fighting off the lesion. I got lesions in my brain. Is that true? Yeah, what is it called? What's the lesion?

I don't know I could look it up for you But it's by but you can you where I heard it was in a lecture by Daniel Robinson Do you who is a professor at Oxford and Georgetown and the smartest man on the planet. Well, that's why you have to really be careful when you're punching people in the head, right? Yeah. Yes, sir. That's why it causes. Well, so the guy who.

Does that make sense? Neuroscientist. The guy who captured the 13-year-old girl. Not Elizabeth Smart, but the other one. He had two children with her. Kept her for 18 years. And she escaped finally. Yes. That was the guy, where did that take place?

He and his wife. It was somewhere in, I think, Seattle or something. He had them in the basement, right? He had them in the backyard in a shed, in a sealed off shed. And then they lived in the backyard with the daughters until, I mean, literally she was 18. They would go out once in a while. It was real Stockholm Syndrome shit. Oh, my God.

That's so crazy. Yeah, but she got he got pregnant at 13 and it was just a terrible story i was going to tell you about earlier did you did you see the footage where they have they're selling slaves in libya is it libya or is it iraq it's libya yeah there was well maybe it's in iraq too yeah but it was libya and they were you know there was a i forget who the title it was USA Today that had an editorial that said, thanks Hillary Clinton. Because Hillary Clinton, apparently they're blaming her decisions on the reason why we went into Libya and dethroned Muammar Gaddafi. Who knows?

Yeah, you would know maybe more than most. But video of migrants sold in apparent slave auction in Libya provokes outrage worldwide. It's disturbing, man. When you watch it, they got guns to these dudes' heads, all these photos. I retweeted it. If you want to go to my Instagram, you can see some of the pictures of it. But they have like, Libya is a failed state now. Yes.

And it's goddamn terrifying. 2017. Look at that. In 1970, my father just told a story at uh at thanksgiving and he was talking about how dubai and abu dhabi have become these incredible countries yeah and when he was first there in 1970 1971 i don't know what it was um somebody said you see that woman over there and she was a black woman she was from africa somewhere and uh my father said, you see that woman over there? And she was a black woman. She was from Africa somewhere. And my father said, yes. And he goes, that's a slave. And that was in Dubai,

I believe, back in the day. I'm sorry to anybody from Dubai. I know you guys have come a very long way, but slavery was the order of the day in a lot of countries. I'm not just picking on you. In a lot of countries. In a lot of countries. It was the order of the day. I mean, the idea that slavery would no longer be a case, the idea that this would be outrageous to the world in 1940 would be, certainly in 1910

or something, would have been like, what? No, it'll always go on. Slavery is an order, is the way of life. I mean, you know. I think, though, today with the ability to film slave auctions on your cell phone and then stream that shit. I also think it's a calm or whatever. This is the more you learn about people and how similar we all are and how, you know, Sam Harris had a really interesting TED talk about this, about the idea that you have to be able to have a conversation about what is the most optimal way to live for a human being? What is the most optimal?

Is it true that women are at their best when having to wear a full burqa in 120 degree heat? That's a good question. And by the way, are all opinions welcome at the table? Are you interested, I'm quoting Sam here, but are you interested the taliban's point of view on physics no and and does does someone who does does for that matter and he talks about himself is his point of view on string theory which he knows nothing about uh as valid as somebody who studies string theory no no but we you know there's a tendency to kind of go well you know that's your culture and i'm not going to get involved in it even though it might seem brutal by my standards you hear this a lot with like like the aztecs and human sacrifice and it's very taboo to talk about how it was barbaric because you know that was them fuck off you and me and steven rinella had a conversation about

that rinella literally didn't believe me when i told him they sacrificed 80 000 was it is that the number was the number when they sacrificed the... The people who are not of the sun? The pyramid of Teocan, the temple of Teocan. Is that how you say it? Teocan. But apparently they sacrificed some fucking insane number of slaves. So it's so crazy that if you tell a rational person like Steve Rinelli,

it's like, what? That can't be true. Until you go and read about it and you go, how horrible were people then? Yeah. They could sacrifice, I really want to say it was 80,000 people. I think that was the number that they- The sheer numbers, I don't know. I mean, that's a crazy number.

But it's like in a couple of days. Yeah. All the people that worked on the temple, apparently after it was over, they just sacrificed them. Wow. Wow. Just imagine the world. One of the things they say is Cortez was able to conquer the Aztecs much easily, a lot more

easily because the Aztecs had neighbors that fucking hated them because the Aztecs would go in and basically if you weren't an Aztec, which means a person of the sun, you'd get sacrificed. So their neighbors were like, are you Spanish guys? 500 guys? Really? We'll help you. 100%.

Those fucking, we hate them. Have you been to Chichen Itza? No. Dude, there's a fucking platform in Chichen Itza where the Mayans

used to behead people. They have the sacrifice. There's this like thing, it's like a demon that's lying on its back and they would sacrifice the people and the stomach area where they sacrificed people was kind of grooved out

from all the bodies they'd been slicing on it. Damn! Well that's why Oh my god, I'm wrong. It's way more. The number of persons sacrificed in Central Mexico in the 15th century was as high as 250,000

per year. But go to the construction of Temple I don't know how to say it. I know this is a very contentious number, by the way. Of course it is. A lot of people are like, bullshit. There's a lot of historians that take issue.

I'm trying to publish my book, bro. I'm jacking it up. $100,000. If I was a historian, I was like, 40 million people died on the shores. Although the whole male population was trained to be warriors. It was a, you know. What is the, see, just Google 80,000 Aztecs sacrifice temple of, I don't know how to say the word. I couldn't spell it.

That's what I was trying to say. Teocan. Teocan. I forget how do you say it, but I believe what they did was they built this fucking spectacular structure and then killed everybody who worked on it. They just killed the union. Kind of like El Chapo when you'd build a tunnel for him. He's like, can't know where it is.

Sorry. Really? So he did? Apparently they'd have a party for him. And then, hey guys, thanks for working on the tunnel. Now we'll party, a toast to champagne, and here's some lead poisoning as well. Just get super, super hammered. Bring them in hookers and then shoot them in the head while they're sleeping.

You can't have people know. They said that the Soviets would do that when you would build a tunnel. Did you ever hear that story about how we figured out that- Temple mirror? What is this? This is it? Yeah. How do you say that?

Make that larger, please. Tino. Tino. Tino Chitlan. Hmm. I don't think that's the same one. 80,000 came up with it. That's the number of people? Yeah.

Okay. Maybe I've seen it. Well, I think also one of the things you have to deal with when you're dealing with an English Well, I think also one of the things you have to deal with when you're dealing with an English deciphering of really ancient Aztec and Mayan code is that it's phonetic. So, like, there's sounds that they made that they're trying to replicate with English words, but they weren't really designed for English lettering. You know? I mean, they're designed, they're hieroglyphs. The way they wrote and spoke is very, very different than the way we do. they have they the way they wrote and spoke is very very different than the way we do yeah you know they had a um like some of the mayan writing in particular what does it say there jamie he

trapped thousands um um some of the the um yeah god some of the mayan languages were like images that like like the terence mckennett described it this way he was like you have uh like an eyeball in a picture and then you'd have a saw and you'd have a the bug the ant an ant and then you'd have the flower the rose and that's how you would say i saw aunt rose that's so weird yeah yeah yeah because we we just assume that everyone should, what is writing? Writing is some symbols that you make that correspond to certain sounds that we've all agreed in our own personal definitions that we have in societies. We've all agreed that this sound means a certain thing.

And we argue the parameters of what that means. Right? And that's why people get super offended when someone says, like, words are violence. You're fucking with the real violence! You don't know what violence is! You've never been punched in the face. Yeah, you haven't seen somebody get sold as a slave.

I always say it's so important for young people to understand the difference between things. And there's a real tendency to equate, for example, you wrote a memo at google and it made it an unsafe work environment for women and you're hitler now you're hitler now you're hitler and by the way you know crab boats coal mines and navy seals they have a pretty dangerous work environment as well so let's let's let's talk about the fucking difference because

it's very it's it, it gets very weird and dangerous and meaningless. And in fact, in my opinion, when you equate everything, when you basically say, you know, you shouted at me, that's assault versus breaking my nose. And we have lots of different examples of that. It does a disservice to people that have suffered real, you know, violence. You know what I think is going on, man? And I could sum it up in one word.

Tribalism. There's a natural inclination that we have to form like-minded groups and defend our position to the death. That's right. And this is what people are doing. And it's not that you're wrong and he's right or he's right or you're wrong. It's that all of us are acting like people trying to protect our team. That's right. And it's an incorrect way of behaving.

So if you say the words are violence, guess what? No, they're not. No, they're not. Go fuck yourself too. Is that violent? This is what I say. I'm talking about this in my stand-up. It's much easier to be against something.

It's really easy to be against it. When you join a team, what happens is you don't have to do the thinking. Let the leader do all the thinking. You got the bullet points. Now, what your job as a soldier is to put down the other team. It's much more difficult. And think about this for young people listening. It's way harder to define what you're for. Defining what you're actually

for. So if you're a revolutionary, you want to burn down the whole house. What are you going to replace it with, man? That's really important. And revolutionaries... Yeah, well, that's what they did with Libya. Revolutionaries forget that shit all the time. That's exactly what we were talking about. That's right.

Like when, you know, they came, they saw, he died. Ha, ha, ha. Right. You got rid of the bad guy? Cool. Now what? What are you replacing it with? Guess what?

Welcome to the power vacuum. You hoping you're going to be dead before this fucking becomes a disaster and a failed state? Well, you're not. You're alive. That's my problem when people, and we have a lot of people in our government, that look at a problem and go? Well, you're not. You're alive. That's my problem when people, and we have a lot of people in our government, that look at a problem and go, oh, it's ISIS.

What we need to do is get authorization to kill more of them in other places. So what you're talking about is groups that identify as ISIS, and that's going to solve the problem. My problem with that typically is that it goes back to that one of my favorite sayings. It's not what you think. What you think is way less important than how you think. Because a lot of times if you pay attention, you're thinking exactly the way your enemy's thinking. I'm not so sure that that's how you do it. I'm not so sure that bombing and shooting your way out of that

problem is the way to go. It might be in some cases. I think you need SEAL Team 6, etc. for certain shitheads. But that can't be the whole... We need them as a line of defense. Everyone has to know that they're real. That's one of the most important things about the elite forces of the government or of our military is that people need to know they're real. That's right.

You need to know that's real. Yeah. Because there's 100,000, whatever the fuck there are, people right now that are just ready to go. All you have to do is press a button, launch them. Thank God. They need to know that they're there. Thank God for Tim Kennedy, et cetera.

Okay? Exactly. Because remember this. You need walls. You need strong walls and men to guard those walls. You haven't seen enough bad people. That's right. You don't.

Because the Mongols are out there. They're out there. Look at Libya. They're out there. That's right. And these people, by the way, that are in the military, they're the only ones that are experiencing it. You're back here.

You're passing judgment on, they saying hey there's zombies yes like hey well the fucking world's gone crazy hey they're selling slaves in the streets like we need to all know that there are people that are in some really horrible parts of the world right now that can give you valuable information doesn't mean we should kill those people doesn't mean we should fucking nation build no but we need to be aware of the landscape and keep this in mind though too it's not that would be hard strength you need men like you know tim kennedy etc those guys who are who are our protectors who we can push a button go hey those fucking guys want and there are people out there that want to kill us for sure but i always think that it's also important to remember that

those guys are doing that to protect the softer strengths in our community. The people that are creative, the people that are inventing. You can't have a doctor working on a cure for cancer and have the Mongols come over and smash all his fucking beakers. Exactly. That's why you need those. So you need both. But the problem is you do need both. And the people on one side don't want to recognize the people

on the other side because they wish they didn't have to exist. Exactly. But they do have to exist. Of course they do. There's a balance to this fucking thing. You know, and here's the thing. People in Libya, if Kevin Spacey

had a TV show in Libya where he fucked all the grips right in the mouth before every episode, they would go, that's what he does. He's the star. He's the fucking star.

You're the star? Who's the star? Are you the star? Exactly. You're the star. Kevin Spacey's the star. You don't fuck your mouth. There's bombs going off in the streets. Open your mouth to fuck your mouth. There's bombs going off in the streets.

Open your mouth. Open your mouth. There's fucking IEDs at every fucking dead dog on the side of the road. Kick them over. You lose your leg. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you fuck your mouth.

What's the problem? He fucked your mouth. He's Kevin Spacey. He's Kevin Spacey. He is the guy. He's the president. He fucked your mouth. Come on.

You want to work or not starve? What you want to do? What you want to do? You want to live? What do you want? That is an offensive accent. That's an outrageous accent. I don't even know why you do it because it doesn't sound like anyone that's ever lived.

It's so offensive. No one. It's not a bad accent. It's not a bad accent. It's exactly what someone who doesn't know how to speak English would sound like. It's not a bad accent. It's not a bad accent. It's exactly what someone who doesn't know how to speak English would sound like.

I would wish that I could speak Arabic so I could realize how fucking shitty my bad Arabic would be if I learned Arabic for a couple years. Arabic. And tried to talk to those people. There's a lot of rolling of the R's. Make fun of me. Go ahead. I give you full permission to make fun of an American pretending to be or trying to speak Arabic. Arabic is a very difficult language to learn. Too hard for me

too hard my friend too hard my friend it's so hard it's such a rich language compared to like French he would give Kevin Spacey

a raise if he was in Libya if he had a show in Libya Netflix Libya would give him a raise I would go this is method act this is how president

would do fuck the mouth of everyone he can fuck this is what president would do I Fuck the mouth of everyone he can fuck. This is what president do. I like how you are behaving as a president all the time. Go Frank Underwood. Here's a fucking raise.

Just pull out a machine gun. Shoot through the fucking ceiling. Dust in the room. Kiss him on the mouth and leave. It's not a bad fucking. That's a good. You play a good Arab despot, dude. Who's a pervert.

Listen, this is what you do. You fuck everyone's mouth. Do you have a president? Frank Underwood. We'll have to. There's nothing like that. They just get drunk as fuck on booze made out of camel piss. They take camel piss

and they mix wheat in there. Did you ever hear about how the president of the longtime dictator of Yemen got power? He was a major in the army. Oh, I'm scared. He just showed up at a... Like, he was there. He was just going to be one of the longtime dictator of Yemen got power. He was a major in the army. Oh, I'm scared. He just showed up at a, like he was there.

He was just going to be one of the majors and the president was having a cabinet meeting. And apparently, you can look this up, Jimmy. Apparently he basically put a briefcase down or a suitcase down and just pulled out two guns and went, well, see you later. Goosh, goosh, goosh, goosh, goosh. And killed the entire, decapitated the government. He goes, I'm in charge now. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh you later. Gush, gush, gush, gush, gush. And killed the entire decapitated. The government goes, I'm in charge now.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. What year was that? That's in the 70s. Jesus Christ. Hey, guys. You ever see what a pistol grip Uzi looks like?

See you later. Oh, wow. Yeah. And then he ruled the nation with what's called an iron fist for about 30 years. I'm sure you watched Narcos, right? I certainly have. How about that fucking show? How about Pablo Escobar?

Amazing. You know what's crazy? Is apparently Columbia's bounced back tremendously. And Columbia's like a really cool place to visit now. I've heard. That's what I keep hearing. I have friends who've been there. I want to go badly.

I want to go. They're the most, they say the most beautiful people. Certainly the most beautiful women on the planet. They're famed. It's just amazing that they bounced back so quickly from being under control of a drug lord. Yeah. The Pablo Escobar story is so goddamn crazy. It is crazy.

Ladies and gentlemen, you do not live forever. Listen to me. Make coke legal. It'll solve 80% of our problems. Just make coke legal. I agree. Just make coke legal. It'll solve 80% of our problems. Just make Coke legal. I agree. Just make Coke legal. I agree.

Are we really pretending that whiskey is any better than Coke? Are we really pretending that? I don't know Coke. I don't do Coke. I would say Coke is even better because it's devastating quickly. So you do a lot of Coke. You can drink for 40 years and before you realize you're like, holy fuck, I don't have a house or anything else.

You fucking do blow. Do blow every day for three years and come talk to me and see how your life works out. I think that less people would be inclined to do it if you made it legal and then let everybody see the consequences of its use in a realistic way. I think part of the problem with things being illegal is that people can't choose for themselves. I agree. And if people can't choose for themselves, it's forbidden and forbidden things. Just like that blank deck back during the Revolutionary War.

Woo! Become more tasty. Woo! They become more tasty. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Woo! I mean, that's all forbidden stuff, but you can't, human beings should not be able to tell, this is the bottom line, human beings should not be able to tell other human beings

what they can or can't do with their own bodies where it doesn't make sense. And it doesn't make sense if you have some things that are legal, like cigarettes, and some things that are legal, like whiskey. I don't have a problem with cigarettes being legal and I don't have a problem with whiskey being legal. You should be able to do whatever you want.

But I think it should be with all of the things. How come these things? Why can't? You're telling me that whiskey's legal, but mushrooms aren't. What year is this? What are we doing? Are we pretending? Are we pretending there's no science? Are we in witchcraft days or no?

Let me know when the witchcraft days are over. Because I would say witchcraft should be over now. So if it's over now, we have to look at science, right? Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, you can't let me buy oxytocin or oxycontin from the fucking pharmacy. You can't let me buy that.

The doses are controlled. Because I stubbed my fucking toe. Yeah. What do you think would happen if we made cocaine legal? Nothing. Would consumption go up? Yes, for a little bit. Yeah.

A lot of girls would show their inner hoe. They'd let it out. A lot of dudes would make some important business deals that they'll never fucking complete. That's that joke. Who was that joke? Who was that? When you do cocaine, you want to start a business together? Yeah, Mike Young had that joke.

That's a great joke. It's a great joke. It's so true. It's so true. Let's open a donut shop. What the fuck are we doing, dude? People always want to talk to you about their passion. Yeah. Talk about your passion. It's a weird. It's so true. Let's open a donut shop. What the fuck are we doing, dude? People always want to talk to you about their passion. Yeah.

Talk about your passion. It's a weird drug to be around. I was in Jamaica, and I'm not a big drug guy, but I did a bag of Coke. A whole bag? A guy sold it to me. I was smoking weed, and this guy I was with, we were hanging, he goes, do you ever do blow? I was like, I'm not a big, I'm not a drug guy.

I don't even smoke weed much. And he goes, try this. And I did one line of cocaine, Jamaican cocaine. And I was like, this must have fallen off a boat because this shit's got a yellow thing to it. And I was like, first of all, I'm the coolest motherfucker on the planet. Second of all, we're going to play ping pong for a good three hours. Third of all, I'm going to go to my fucking hotel room and I'm going to wake my girlfriend up and tell her that I'm a genius. And then, wait for it, I'm going to write for three, four hours, keep doing cocaine.

And I'm going to change my career because I'm going to write a three-hour bit on how God is a Rastafarian. How funny is that? And I wrote, stand up, God is a Rastafarian. I kept waking my girlfriend up and going, I'm writing the funniest shit. You're not going to believe this. And she was like, huh? I was like, you wait to listen. And I looked at it.

Then I passed out before my heart could give out. And I looked at the shit I wrote about eight hours later, and it was basically God's erasta, and he speaks like a Jamaican. And that was the joke. And I thought it was brilliant when I was fucking doing the blow. Well, in the right state of mind, if you captured that idea, like if you gave that bit to Dave Chappelle. Sure.

Maybe he could make something out of it. Not me. not Brian Callen when he's high on cocaine in Jamaica. It's like you needed to figure out what the fuck you were trying to say. Like I've written things down on marijuana and I figured,

I'll figure it out when I'm sober. But then you try to read it when you're sober and you're like, what the fuck was my point? Yeah. What is the point here?

Yeah. But they did studies on people on drugs, I think cocaine, and had them play music, musicians and stuff. And they were like, I thought I was amazing. And then they listened to what they're playing. They're like, oh, what the fuck?

Well, the argument was made that what killed the music after 1968 was, you know, the Monterey Music, I mean, Rock and Roll Festival with Hendrix and the Mamas and Papas. So what gave birth to that renaissance was marijuana and psychedelics. That enhanced the music. Oh, for sure. When cocaine and heroin came in, it fucking killed it. Yeah, it killed it.

People died. Yes. Literally. I'm your boogeyman. That's what I am. Some of that shit's good. Yeah, there's a lot of good stuff, but it's the idea behind that music.

Like, how about Showgirls? Showgirls the movie would not exist if it wasn't for cocaine. That movie is a goddamn cocaine movie. That movie's a movie where you could see the blood coming out of their nose while they were watching the edits. Like, yes! Keep that in! No! You fucking keep that seat in! You make it longer! More flopping in the pool! Ah, it's a terrible movie. That fucking sex scene between the girl More flopping in the pool. Ah, it's a terrible movie. That fucking sex scene

between the girl from Saved by the Bell, what is her name? Elizabeth something or other. Berkeley. Berkeley, Elizabeth Berkeley. And who was the dude? Kyle McLaughlin,

Clank, that guy. She was all naked. Beautiful. She's very beautiful. But there's a scene when they're in the pool where they're making love, Brian Callen.

Yep. And if a girl was doing that, if you were having sex with a that, if you were having sex with a girl and she started doing that, you would immediately, and I know you, you're a pervert. You would still immediately call a doctor. You, as perverted as you are, as much as you love ladies, as much as you would be so excited to be that Kyle McLaughlin guy with Elizabeth Berkley and she's wrapped around you and she's flopping around in the pool, you would call the police. You would call the police.

This is only part of it. This is okay. I can handle this. This bitch is just getting crazy. Woo! Them titties are flopping. First of all, if you're Kyle McLaughlin, how do you not shoot all over your own face? Here's the problem. Here's the problem. She starts flailing.

She's like throwing herself back. I've got to call the doctor. And he's hanging on. And by the way, he blew out both his rotator cuffs in the scene. For real? He had to get both of his shoulders completely reconstructed. I only hope you're telling the truth. I just made that up. He tore his labrum. He tore the bicep tendon from the bone.

God damn it. She's flopping around like she's dying. Yeah, that's embarrassing. I would go, you got to let me know if you're going to do that. You can't just pretend to be dying. So I can get some rope? Because if you just die, I feel like, this girl's just lit. She's crazy. Yeah, you might break my dick, too.

But what if I let her die? What if you let her die? You're like, you asshole. She was having a seizure. You came inside of her? She was having a seizure. You came inside of her? She was having a seizure and you came inside of her? Dude, what the fuck? I thought she was just being freaky.

You didn't see. We have a video of it. You didn't see there was something wrong with her? You fucking selfish asshole. All you cared about was coming. Yeah. She was dying, man. She's flopping around. She can't breathe.

She doesn't see anymore. She's dying. Take it easy. You're raping her here. You're holding on to her. You're keeping her inside of you. If you just let her go, there's no way. How long does this go on for? She's trying to get away.

It's just on repeat. She's trying to get away. Congratulations's no way. How long does this go on for? It's just on repeat. She's trying to get away. Congratulations on all that. There's nothing funny about rape, ladies and gentlemen, but this isn't rape and that's why I made a joke. I'm like a monk scream right now. It's a joke about something you absolutely know is definitely not rape and I'm being

ridiculous. Joke. It's funny how you have to do that nowadays. I know you're ready. I know you're ready to get mad at me don't get mad at me everybody we need to stop doing this we need we need to figure out what's so literal stop being so literal we don't start start realizing this if we had real problems in the world and the kevin spacey thing was a bad example i was just trying to be funny about the libyan yeah don't let kevin spacey grab your dick i get it it. I get it. I'm not saying that. That's not what I'm saying. Not what you're saying. What I'm saying is

we just need to be super cognizant of the fact that there is a real highly likelihood that we have achieved the highest level of civilization the world has ever known. It's right now. And we need to be aware of that. We've made progress, in other words.

In any massive, in any seemingly important thing that you want to go off on, you're taking energy away from recognizing the fact that we need to protect the crucial elements of this amazing thing that we have right now. And one of the things that we have to do is we've got to avoid this weird tribalism that I keep talking about. Tribal thinking. Because it's not just sexual, it's political, it's socioeconomic, it's like, I'm just

a fucking blue-collar guy, and I'm like, no, you're a fucking person! We're all just people. You're in a trap. Human beings are, we're genetically predisposed to be tribal. It's a problem. We've got to get past that. If we're a tribe, okay, we should be tribe planet Earth. You know, there's famous Ronald Reagan speech.

You remember that Ronald Reagan speech? He gave a speech. I'd want to say it's in front of Congress, but he gave a speech where he was talking about how quickly we would set aside our differences if we were attacked by an alien force from another world. Right. And all of us would realize. Yes.

I mean, this heat of the Cold War. I mean, this is like very scary times. Do you remember growing up? We're the same age. Yes, very much so. Worried about nuclear war. The Soviets were a real threat. They were a real threat.

Nuclear annihilation was actually something we all thought about every day. Yes. And the further we're away from that, the more we forgot. But if you just pay attention to Libya, just pay attention to Afghanistan, pay attention to Iraq, pay attention to all sorts of parts of the world, North Korea, things are not fucking stable at all.

We're assuming that things are going to stay stable because they're stable right here. But we're all on the same goddamn planet. That's a real problem. It's a real problem. And I think we're better at figuring this out than we have ever been before but there's a lot of hiccups and bumps along the way but one of the things that's going to eliminate a good percentage of them is if we can isolate tribalism and see it when it's happening and call it for what it is and avoid it it's very it's very tough now though and i'll tell you why

because there used to be one of the great—people always talk about how religion was responsible for so much violence. But they always forget religion was also responsible for a great deal of unification. So there was a national narrative in this country. We were a Christian nation for a long time in this country. And there was a national narrative. There were just certain things that people collectively agreed upon. And usually it started in the church, or at least it had its values in the church. I would argue that, you know, even our constitution has been greatly

influenced by the Judeo-Christian ethic. All men are created equal, for example, is a Christian idea. There's no way to prove it biologically or mathematically, but it's something we all kind of, it's a nice starting point. It's literally what our justice system is predicated on. All men are created equal, even though LeBron James and I have totally different genomes and he's an avatar and we're not equal. If you kill me, you kill LeBron, you do the same amount of time in jail. Theoretically, that would be the idea behind our thing. He should be worth more. He should be worth a little bit more than that. I would, I would, I would agree. I would agree. And, and what's really interesting is how different we are, how we like all strive not to be equal,

right? I want to be better than everybody else, but we believe in that. It's a really nice starting point. You know something I read that's really important, and I always bring it up to people, that free will, or the ability to do whatever you want, like a freedom of expression, a freedom of pursuits, breeds inequality. Because if you give people true total freedom some people are going to try harder than others yeah some people are going to be

equality is not a bad thing some people want to be tyler perry and have a fucking island yeah dude but remember there's a fundamental difference right well what's the difference between being an american and a communist an american believes in equality of opportunity i'm not saying we have that but that would be the goal then there's equality outcome. The only way to have equality of outcome is to keep down the people that work harder, that are smarter and more talented. You got to make everybody equal. That's to me, a fundamental evil. That's my problem with Marxism. The only way to do that is with force. The problem is it's never worked. No, it's never worked. And it almost always leads to mass murder. Right. Exactly. But nobody wants to think that it almost always leads to mass murder. Right. Exactly.

But nobody wants to think that because the idea behind it is beautiful. Okay, so Pol Pot. We don't need to compete. We should just share money and share wealth. Look up Pol Pot, Mao Zedong, Hitler, Lenin, and Stalin. Hitler was more of a fascist. Yeah, and people also don't realize that the Nazis were the National Socialists. That's right. It's a real problem with the idea in execution.

But the idea in the most romantic view possible is that we don't need to compete with each other. We don't need to be greedy. And then we could all share resources and wealth and we all get along. Good luck. And have income equality. But I think it's important to recognize the thought behind the best version of that. The thought behind the best version of that is someone that just really wants to be an amazing person. And they really want other people to be amazing people as well.

They want everybody to be fine. They strive for everybody to get along. So let's just combine our wealth. We don't have to get rich. Let's just provide for the poor. It's super important. Let's give health care to everybody before anything. Hey, man, we don't need the military. Let's relax okay you're gonna get invaded right it's a matter of time

before the russian show up the borders yes and they're gonna fuck your mouth yes but but but on that let me piggyback i've been doing that forever remember that the idea of adam smith's idea and the idea behind making money was also that when you are rich and when you are an aristocrat you have a responsibility to give back to your community. That was very much ingrained in the British sensibility, and even in the American aristocracy, like the Kennedys in this country. I'll go one better. You're rich and you have a responsibility. Correct.

Bill Gates, one of the boys, Bill Gates has engendered himself with a lot of us, is that he does an amazing amount of charity. Amazing amount. He's amazing. Very creative with it, too. And, by the way, still lives like a fucking gangster. It's not even like it's putting a dent in his lifestyle. I mean, he's helping so

many people out with the Bill Gates Foundation. Warren Buffett does the same thing. Warren Buffett gave his kids, now it's up to $7 billion. He was like, go make the world a better place. Amazing. And he's got all kinds of charities. And he's, by all accounts, a super sweet guy. Yes. Really humble. But back to what you were talking about, about how we're breaking into tribes.

I think that we have lost any kind of national narrative. And what I mean by that is that people don't even trust their own institutions. With the crumbling of any kind of religious institution, it seems that now people are looking for—they don't trust main sources of information. So they don't trust—most of the mainstream media has earned their shitty reputation because now it's about clickbait. Now it's about kind of creating something. You want to be first, not true. Being true is not as important as being the first one with the story

and blah, blah, blah. I think that there certainly are agendas with liberal media, conservative media. They both have their own agenda. The sneaky shit that people do. Exactly. So what happens is people... I think media's favorability is in the single fucking digits or something like that among most Americans.

Let me give you an example how this works sometimes. Somebody wrote a good article about the debate that Eddie Bravo and I had about the world being flat. But the title of the article was Joe Rogan argues with someone about the world being flat. So it seems like- You believe that the world is flat. So you immediately click it. But right away, the first sentence is God bless Joe Rogan.

And then he was in a conversation with his friend who was arguing about the possibility. But like, okay, I see what you did. I kind of let you- He hooked you. You got it. You did it. You did the right. But like, okay, I see what you did. I kind of let you... He hooked you. You got it. You did it. You did the right thing. It's okay.

But because of that, even though it's very insignificant, a bunch of people have said to me, bro, you used to believe the fucking earth was flat. I saw that. I was like, no. I bet you didn't. I bet you didn't see that.

CNN and Huffington Post, both news... They do that. They all do that. I can't stand either one of those. I think CNN and Huffington Post are terrible news... They do that. They all do that. I can't stand either one of those. I think CNN and Huffington Post are terrible, but both of them do that. They'll hit you with this, like, Donald Trump just said one word to change the entire presidency. Yes!

You fuck! Let me see what the fuck... You fuck. Yeah. Dude, Keith Oberman is signed off. He's one of my favorite things to watch. I like him. He's a spicy character. Super liberal, but I like him. He's a spicy character.

Super liberal, but I liked him anyway. Super liberal, but I think you have to have that. Look, I'm a, at least who I am right now, I'm an open-minded, friendly person that allows for all ideas. Yes. Keith Olbermann is as far left as you're going to get, and I like the fact that he was out there. I think having a wacky dude out there standing in front of a cable access show background with red on one side and blue on the other, and he's got his notes in front of him,

and he's wearing a tie, and he delivers these super eloquent take-downs. But he's decided he's going to step away. And he said he's retiring from politics because he thinks that Donald Trump's done. He does? Yeah, he thinks Donald Trump, he lists a to step away. He said he's retiring from politics because he thinks that Donald Trump's done. He thinks Donald Trump lists a series of things. Keith Oberman says he's retiring from political

commentary. Yeah, and he lists a series of things. Oh, you know, good for them. He's a fucking formidable opponent. He knows his shit. I would not want to debate that guy. He knows his shit. He did one thing, though, that was pretty fucking stupid. What was that? You know, lauren girl um she she's like a conservative hot chick hot white girl with blonde hair no she put a flag on like she was like holding up a flag in a photo

and he wrote something about not you shouldn't use the flag that way. And then Donald Trump Jr. tweeted a photo of the two of them together with her with the flag and keep Oberlin wrapped in a flag. Oh, boy. And said, you know, something about him being stupid. Wow. Some funny thing. That's also catty to say that. Stop being catty with this fucking bullshit. Listen, I understand you don't like her because she's a hot girl that's a conservative and she says ridiculous

shit sometimes and she does. But you've got to save your attacks. You can't throw rocks at every target. You can't stop for every dog that barks on the way home or you never get home. This is why George Washington talked about the importance of civility. It's so important. You need

civility. If you start attacking each other, if I start, you know, I heard a rumor that Donald Trump in meetings when he was negotiating, he'd go, oh Jesus your breath. Holy fuck, you get the worst breath. He'd just get you on your heels. You'd be like what? Does he do that? Yeah, apparently that was some of the tactics. He would just insult you

and get you off your pins. Now you're emotional and you're insecure about your breath. Now you can't talk as much. You know, little techniques like that. I think Donald Trump would be super fun if he was like your uncle that you were going to take your girlfriend to when you first started dating. Like say if you dated a girl and it's like three months in and you're in love and you're parked outside your uncle's house. You're like, listen, we're going to spark this joint and we're going to go meet my fucking crazy uncle. He's a beautiful guy.

Dude, I've heard. He's flawed, but he's crazy. And don't look at his hair. And're just gonna smoke this weed and then like and when he talks about himself just seem fascinated and you pass the you guys are lucky i'm here and you go in there so high that you're barely alive so you got like 180 beats per minute your heart's going what are we doing dude, I golfed with his caddy, Obama's caddy, George W.'s caddy. I know you golfed three times. Yes, thank you very much. All three times those guys?

No, same guy. Same guy. Same guy. Same guy who caddied for all the presidents. You made it sound like there's three trips. No, I wish. He said, best golfer in the group, hands down by far, Donald Trump. Doesn't like Trump, but basically said, best golfer in the group, hands down by far, Donald Trump. Yeah. He said, and doesn't like Trump, but basically said, he's very nice, very funny.

And cracked him up. He looked at me and goes, how do you think I'm doing? And Cameron was like, I think you've got a lot on your plate. And then apparently he drove by. They were at his club in Key Largo or whatever, Mar-a-Lago. And these people were there. And he just walked, as they were driving by in the cart, he goes, do you guys have any idea how lucky you are? You're in the best club in the world, and they just kept driving.

He's a very entertaining dude. I'm a little bummed out at myself that I didn't do Celebrity Apprentice. Really? Yeah, because Celebrity Apprentice was available when we were doing the second run of Fear Factor. Right. And they asked me to do it, And this is when we were on NBC. I was like, God, I want to move my family to New York for a few months.

And Mrs. Rogan was down for it. But I was like, I don't know if that's a smart move. It seems like a lot of work for something that's not really my thing. I don't really want to do it. But I kind of wish I did it now. So you get to know Trump? Yeah. I don't know how well you'd get to know him, though.

I'd get to know him if you let me hang on to him. Yeah. Just let me be close to smell you. I'm sure he'd be a blast. I'm sure he'd be a lot of fun because he's one of those guys. I'd like him. Maybe I could talk to him. Maybe I could have fixed things.

Maybe I could have told him, dude, just take it down a notch. It would be okay. He's not interested. The problem with him is that he's not interested in what he doesn't know. That's how I feel. Maybe. I don't know him. I feel like we could have a sit-in with Homeboy.

Yeah. Just him. God, if you get him on this podcast, I have to come in. Just wear him out. Just relax. Relax. He never drinks. Doesn't smoke.

That's the problem. It's part of the problem. Like, you need a separation from your normal states of consciousness. Otherwise, you're acting on momentum your entire life. So you live like a child. They did a psychological profile that I thought was interesting on him, which was that he's always been on the outside. So his dad wasn't allowed to be part of the developers in New York. He had to go elsewhere.

And he was always kind of like kept out. And he is now in the media. So his way of, and I think Roy Cohn, the infamous lawyer, was his mentor and said, attack, always attack. Dude. Meet any threat with an attack. Hey, listen, the reason why he's president is because Obama mocked him at the press corps conference. Remember that?

Remember that press corps dinner meeting thing? Uh-huh. And Obama mocked him and said, I'm one thing that you're never going to be, and that's the president. And he's like, oh, for real? Yeah. I'm fucking older than you. Good luck. I'm one thing that you're never going to be, and that's the president. And he's like, oh, for real? Yeah. I'm fucking older than you. Good luck.

I'm ridiculous. Look at my hair, and I'm still going to be the president. How about you go fuck yourself? How about you don't know what you're dealing with here? How about? He was amazing. He was so amazing in the debates. He was so entertaining.

He was funny. And even George, Jeff Bush said, you can't insult your way to the White House, my friend. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. You definitely can when you're fighting. Look, it's like, what's really ironic is one of the things that's come out. Joe Robin's trying to pretend he knows things about politics.

I don't. But what I do know about is talking shit. I'm good at talking shit. And I understand the strategies behind talking shit. And one of the strategies behind talking shit was that Hillary felt very confident that if she could get Donald into a position of being

the primary candidate against her, she would have an easy path to the White House. Because she felt like Donald was so ridiculous that the other candidates, by even being associated with him in the same party,

there would be revolt, there would be chaos, and if he won, he'd be an easy target. And there's all this written banter back and forth where she was trying to connect him with the most ridiculous people. Of course, there was just all this strategy with Ted Cruz where they had this idea of how they would make them all look marginalized, easy path to the White House.

And he just threw a monkey wrench, ka-cling, right into that theory. It's like, stupid, I'm the worst person for you to argue. I'm going to say you should be in jail. Lock her up. Lock her up. And she was like, what? And I'll make shit up, too. I'll make up my own facts if I have to.

I'll do whatever I want. And I'll get caught on tape talking about how girls just let you grab them in the pussy. Yeah. Just a few weeks out. Yeah. No problem. Locker room talk. It was locker room talk. Not a problem. Let's talk about uranium. Dude, I thought he was

done. When I heard that, I thought, oh, he's definitely done. Nope. President. By the way, what's really shocking, what was it? 44% of the white women voted for him? Because they want that dick. Well, they weren't that offended by it, I guess. Right? There's a lot of women right now that just

shut off this podcast. You fucking asshole. Right when I was starting to think you weren't an asshole. It's just comedy. I don't really think that 44%. I think people didn't like Hillary. They didn't trust her. I think if you looked at what it is in terms of like good versus evil,

it's known evil versus unknown you know I think it's unknown evil or known corruption versus a sideshow like sort of a guy who's going to be really entertaining for the next four years but probably won't bring the republic down but what if he decides

to really look out for the American people what if he decides to make America great again what if he decides to bring back engineering and bring back production of goods and fucking... What if he decides that? What if he really decides that? Then, is it better? Let's take a chance. And I think a lot of people did that.

I agree. And then, I also think we're realizing, and we should, this is something we need to all come to grips with. It is irrational, illogical, nonsensical, and antiquated to have one person have that much power in the United States of America. It is nonsense. It's not something we need.

It's a value system and a ruler leadership system that's designed for small groups of people, and it works very well. It works very well for groups of 150 people with leaves over their dicks. But as soon as you get to 320 million people all trapped together on a landmass, you cannot have one dipshit that's good at insulting people and standing in front of a camera. I don't care if it's him or the next guy. It's not an assault on Donald Trump. of a camera. I don't care if it's him or the next guy. It's not an assault on Donald Trump. It's like one person who figures out a way to fucking manipulate and dance and do his

best, America's Got Talent fucking prepresentation, representation, representation, one of those things to get to the point where people go, ah, the other lady's boring and she keeps fainting. Boom. And they hit the switch for Trump. I mean, you've got to get past that. One of the things that the president always talks about, and governors talk about, is how little power they have. You say that, but there's real problems right now with the Environmental Protection Agency

being defunded. There's real problems right now with them deciding to start drilling in places in Alaska that people have been fighting for them drilling for decades because they're worried that in extracting minerals from the ground, they're going to ruin these salmon waterways. Well, he can appoint judges and he can appoint judges. He can do a lot of things.

And obviously that causes a big stir in political discourse and people being active. And you're seeing like some trans woman got elected somewhere and gay people are getting elected. And so you're seeing a rebound, which is how it's supposed to work. That's right. He's created a lot of civic unrest and a lot of civic organization on the other side. On the other side. Yeah.

David Frum was talking about that. He is. Yeah. He just sent me his book. We just have to be really careful, like really careful of getting tribal with this. Again, I hate to reiterate this, but I think that in looking at the group of humans as a whole, there's a real problem that on the left and on the right, people have with getting attached to their particular ideology

they've adopted and fighting against anything that's any different and not coming to some sort of a common understanding of what we really need to get by on this planet. Well, it's called a couple of things. One is there are different psychological profiles. And I've heard Jordan Peterson talk about sort of like the left is rooted in compassion, the right is rooted in respect for the strong. And then what happens is the way things move forward is you have an idea, I have an idea, and remember something.

It's very important. Human beings usually are weighing two values in their head at one time. Let me give you an example. I don't believe in illegal immigration, but I have a lot of compassion for people who are dying to get over the border. If I was a border control agent,

I would probably be the guy who's like, come on in because I have no, I'm emotional. It doesn't mean that's right. What it means is that I can, sometimes you weigh two values in your head, right? Mercy and compassion versus justice and fair play. Okay. Let me propose something to you.

Now, this is going to sound crazy for a lot of people. You fucking call me. At one point in time, I believe in the future, we will not have boundaries in terms of places you're allowed to travel and not to travel. Right. One point in time, people will truly be thought of as equal. And when that point in time happens, you'll allow people to freely travel all over the world. Why can't we do that now? First of all, you won't even have to travel.

I think what's going to happen is when you can interface with another brain, and that's possible. You're going to have an experience about what it's, exactly what it's like to be a woman. Yeah. Exactly what it's like by the way to be a woman. I'm going to take it,

I want to be a woman so I can see what it's like to have sex with LeBron James but here's the thing. What if she, would you complain or would you put your hands on her hips?

Or his hips? I'm only going to, I'm going to be able to experience it so then if I can interface with another brain, now we got a real problem. Because what the fuck does that mean about my identity? What if you can't pick which brain you interface with?

You're going to be a girl who has sex with LeBron James, but you're a 100-pound Irish girl. Like, shit. Oh, boy. You're going to get your uterus blown out. You know? Yeah. You want like a 178-pound chick from Ecuador. Who can really take it? I don't think any of that's going to get your uterus blown out, you know? Yeah. Like you want like a 178-pound chick from Ecuador that can take it. Who can really take it?

I don't think any of that's going to happen. I think what's going to happen is you're going to have guys like LeBron James who have these fantastic lives, who have sex and dunk basketballs, and they're going to sell their experience. You want to interface with my brain? It's going to cost you this much money. And that is going to be the new drug. Oh, my God, you're right.

The new drug is going to be I want to see what it's like to be what either you know Whoever it is the bronze James and will rise again. Dennis. Robin will rise from the flames like a fucking Phoenix Be the number one superstar again in the world and when you watch porn you're gonna be able to Tap into the guy's brain and you're gonna be all of sex anybody you want So that's how you think about dick just like he is. Uh-huh. Imagine that. Imagine if you get your favorite porn star. Why do you keep bringing it over to dick?

Hey, he's thinking about dick. This is confusing. Why am I coming when I'm thinking about guy's butts? Shit! Damn it! People get mad at you. Yo, I got honey dick by that Brian Callum video. Motherfucker. Homeboy's got a giant dick, but he's thinking about dudes' butts all the time. No way.

But he fucks all the hottest girls. Doesn't matter, man. While he's fucking all the hottest girls, he's thinking about dudes' butts. Hold on, bro. Did you come or not? Came immediately. Immediately. I came like a terrorist. But he was wearing a wig in my mind. I came like a dude strapped with

dynamite getting his dick sucked for the last time. And I took the headphones off like, fuck you, Brian Cowan. God damn it. He's fucking the hottest girls, but he's thinking about dudes' butts. Your friends would be like, man, I don't even know if he's telling the truth.

I've been holding out for the Brian Cowan virtual reality sex video, but now. God, he's so medium and white. I don't want to think about dudes. This is great. I know. Oh, I told you I had a dream I was gay, right, a couple times? I was talking about that on a podcast.

Before or after you had gay sex? This was during, so I don't know if that makes sense. Dream. I was gay. Dream of gay things. And in my dream, I was like, I can't believe I'm gay. This is so not what I'm into. And then I knew I was going to have to have sex with my boyfriend, who may or may not have been Brendan Schaap.

I can't remember. He was a big guy. That's a gate you can't really bounce back and forth from. I don't know, man. I've actually never really had a gay impulse. You need to talk to Thaddeus russell because he'll tell you you're a liar and then all men have some sort of gay fantasy somewhere deep in their head or 35 me and thaddeus had a conversation about truth and verse like plural truths versus one fixed truth

that's a huge debate you know what i mean by that yeah so like nicha would be the guy to talk about plural truth so if you look up at a painting that painting is there are different truths right one is that painting's beautiful and that's all I know it's a beautiful it affects me emotionally that's a truth right then a chemist would look at that painting and say well you're not really seeing yellow what you're seeing is you know your eyes are are looking at light and it reflect there's a chemical in there and you break down a chemical that's a different layer to truth you're saying different kinds of true love right so true love i don't know what that's still a really interesting mystery to me because i wonder if that's a relationship with yourself so sometimes

you're obsessed with somebody right you love them you might be obsessed with the idea of being the one that can break them that can be the one that that that tames them the one that owns them the one that you know gets them to forget about all of the dick and just yours. That's what a lot of relationships are predicated on. This notion of territoriality. Right, but is that true love? Is that what we're talking about? Does it matter?

But what really matters is the moments where you are together, where you truly care about each other, where the intensity is almost overwhelming, and the love and the each other, where the intensity is almost overwhelming. And the love and the happiness to be with each other is almost overwhelming. That is really true love. All the other stuff. Is that a state, though? I think it's a state of consciousness.

So is that a state, and how long does it last? That's a good question. And whether or not you're committed to that person as a love, not just a love interest, but like as an inhabitant in your realm of truly loved ones? What is your village of truly loved ones? I have a cynical answer for you on that. I know what the Greeks said. So why do you love your children? Why?

What is it about your children that you love? And this is what Socrates said. This is kind of an interesting way of looking at it. So he said, love, difficult to define. You have to define it as love of something. Right. And what is the one thing man loves more than anything else? Think about it.

Pussy. Not close. Pussy's part of, pussy's maybe a manifestation of what you're trying to get from it. What is it? Come on. Attention. Why would you breed? You want to get rid of jizz?

God damn it. God damn it god damn it keep going you gotta think deeper bro i need to think the next level why what is it the man loves more than anything else what does he want more than anything else i don't know what does he want you tell me immortality you want to live forever comes first exactly well pussy's the gateway forever with no pussy because you create kids And your kids are your genetic expression. Ask anybody worth a fuck. Do you want to live forever with no pussy forever or live for 100 years and just live like Jay-Z on a yacht in gold underwear with two champagne bottles? I want to live dangerously.

I want to live dangerously. Yes. You want to live dangerously, not safely. Fuck a thousand years. Of course. I want to live 100 years not safely fuck a thousand years I live a hundred years of excitement so what you're saying about immortality

is horse shit because immortality without pussy is nonsense immortality is represented in different things watch your work

your legacy listen to me sweetie if someone is in my circle of friends and somebody offers you immortality with no pussy or a hundred years and pussy

if you don't take choice number two lose my number but hold on hold on sir and somebody offers you immortality with no pussy or 100 years and pussy, if you don't take choice number two, lose my number. But hold on. Hold on, sir. Stop texting me. I can't work with you anymore. Sir, I would argue that your love of pussy might be genetically, like you've evolved to that your love of pussy is your love of pussy because you ultimately want to spread and further your DNA.

Well, first of all, I think we're being very disrespectful, you particularly, of calling you pussy. I meant vagina. I'm talking about sexual relations. Sorry, sir. What about the gay folk? Okay. Why the gay folk would want to be...

No, just sex. It's true, actually. Instead of sex. Yeah, instead of calling it pussy. Because the gay folk would be like, hey, man, I'm with you, but you're excluding me. I'm one-tenth of the population, allegedly. Not one-tenth. 38% according to Thaddeus Russell no there that is that's what he

said he said 87% of dudes get hard when they see dudes get that's not true I'm gonna that's not sure he didn't say that he didn't say I like that is yeah me too um but I think that the idea of not being in a sexually pleasurable relationship with someone for all of eternity. That sounds stupid. First of all. That just can't be as good. Did you see that study they did with men and women in long-term relationships? You know what the secret was?

Long-term. Ecstasy. They fucked. They had a deep sexual connection. Get the fuck out of here. Talk to me. I'm just friends with you. We have a deep friendship.

You should want to fuck the person. Yeah. You should want to fuck. I've heard that successful marriages are like that. Yeah. Why are you making those noises? That's what you do when you fuck, right? I'm sorry, dude.

You snap your fingers and make mean noises. That's how I fuck. No, I don't do that. I go like this. I go. And I do a lot of slicking back hair I don't even have. That's what I do. That's what I do. That's what I do.

That's what she does. In all honesty, if you had a choice between living like a hermit, like all bullshit aside, no jokes, living like a hermit, living like someone who occasionally interacts with people but doesn't have any real deep connection with them, like you're in like a wonderful community of people that you care about and drinking and carrying on and hugging each other laughing and joking around and waking up hungover and getting breakfast together and you live for a hundred years you want to get intellectual you know you're talking about that right now you know the question you know you know you you know you're you know this distinction you're drawing my friend can I get philosophical on you the distinction between Socrates and Nietzsche Socrates

said a man should have quiet contempt for his body and ultimately learn to be a contemplative human being just be a brain and your body's nothing and as he was dying he drank the hemlock he said why are you guys crying i'm living in this shitty shell and it's all gross and i'm going on to a better i'm going to be in the sky with all the great philosophers and nietzsche goes yes Socrates you said that because you're ugly you never got laid so of course you want to negate and you turn reason into a tyrant and he said all those seven deadly sins that the Christians talk about like like pride there's another word for pride it's called self-esteem self-esteem is a good thing and lust yeah sex is a lot of fun even though he never had sex but literally never had

basically never got laid they even think yeah he might they think he either got syphilis and that's why he died and went crazy or he was gay either way he never got laid he had a giant mustache bring up nichi and take a look at his mustache he used to talk about masks he had a crazy mustache if nichi was gay brilliant motherfucker but he talked about make your life a circus and a work of art. Enjoy everything and live dangerously. Don't be fucking in a mountain. When you're in a mountain meditating, it's awesome, but guess what?

You're not really engaged in the world. I wish he was gay. Look at that mustache. Look at that fucking mustache. Because there's so many dudes that are like real aggro, sort of Wall Street type guys that are pro-Nichi. It would be awesome if Nichi was just like the whole time he was talking, yeah, you're ugly. I'm thinking

about good looking guys' cocks. Hopefully. This is the noise I want you to think about him making behind the spectacles and with that beautiful mustache, with that suit on, he's doing this. As soon as they stop the camera, thinking about dicks. You're being

stereotypical. He's not licking his lips. Yeah, he's slurping dicks don't you're being stereotypical he's not licking his lips yeah he's slurping you don't know look at him but look at that face i that would be a dick slurping type face things whistle through his mustache when he says fuck maybe that's why he has that mustache in the first place so dudes can just really grab it and get all four fingers hey man stop talking about nichi like this bro manipulate his lips I'm having an intellectual discussion. Those are lip handles. He could grab a hold of them and wrap them in the fingers. Oh, no. And then use it to just like push down on the shaft.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to apologize. I want to apologize to all you Nietzsche fans. Why else would you grow a mustache on your face? Who the fuck is going to use that? He was basically sick his whole life. He was sick his whole life. You shouldn't suck that many dicks, man. You suck a lot of dicks, you lose weight. I don't know if that's true, sir.

You get cough a lot. Sir, I don't know if that's true. He's got a dick handle on his upper lip, man. I know a lot of girls have done that. There's no other reason to have that. Why else would you grow a dick handle on your upper lip? Because he's hiding behind his mustache. He's sensitive. What about a full beard? Like a fucking animal. It's interesting.

Like some dude in the Special Forces. It's got a neck hand? Like a fucking animal. It's interesting. Like some dude in Special Forces. It's got a neck handkerchief on. Those neckerchiefs. That was part of his... That was part of his... That was part of his... Those Special Forces scarves. His mask.

Why do so many of those real badass... Have mustaches? Spec Ops guys have those crazy things around their neck? Oh, you mean... Yeah, those... Ropes? No, those bandana type things. Oh, you mean ropes? No, those bandana-type things. Do you want to know? They're like scarves. I have the answer.

Why? Okay, ready? Go ahead. I know this from my buddy Rudy Reyes, who is a recon guy. I saw a lot of action. They did Generation Kill. What do you call those things? Scarf?

Why do you wear a scarf? Here's why. Ready, dude? Ready for this? Hey, all you operators out there, please forgive me i've never done any but just but just indulge me and all due respect as i'm if i'm here and i'm shooting okay and you're next to me yeah where are my shells going they're fucking hot they're spitting out and when that shell lands in your neck and gets under your shirt it burns like like a motherfucker. Maybe you, pussy.

No. So you cover your neck. When you're in a firefight, motherfucker, you cover your neck. So you wear that. You open that motherfucker up, Dick Marchenko style. Now you're talking. Now you got burn marks all over your body? All over.

I'm like little fucking rain teardrops rolling down your chest. How about me in Afghanistan when I went to Afghanistan when I went to do stand up in Afghanistan. I wore one of those and the special forces guy we were in the truck

he goes take that off. I go why? He goes if we hit it with an IED your face is going to catch fire motherfucker. Randy Couture used to wear one of those and I was like a tour can wear Yeah, that's the sign what a bad motherfucker Randy Couture is he thinks he's gonna walk around with a scarf on he was a ranger Too wasn't he was he in the military? He's definitely in the army. Yeah, he learned to box in the army. Look at him

Okay, what's this things all over the place? He should say shit about it. It's a fashion He could wear a dish on his head and still. He signs a new five scarf deal. Wow. What year is this? Five scarf deal sounds like a joke.

It might be. Click on it. It might be real. He really is a striking. He's a handsome man. Gut Check Magazine, I guarantee this ain't a joke. What year is this?

What year is this article? It's from January of this year. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, handsome dude. Something old. Less than a year do you remember you and I

when we were like 28 years old do you remember you and I when we first saw him Joe and I first saw him we were at the UFC and he was standing there and we were like we snuck up

and we were looking at him and he had a big ball on his knee he was like he has a weird knee and we were like his legs are skinny compared to his body

and we were like assessing we were taking him down we were looking at his whole body but we were like two teenage girls looking at a rock star. I never forgot that. Earliest days, dude. You and I went to one of the earliest ever UFCs when I was like, I can't work for these

people anymore. I was like, what am I doing? I remember you calling me saying you were going to announce a UFC. I remember you saying, dude, get this. I was like, what? The fucking people that worked for news radio, like the production people, were like, what? And I was like, yeah, I'm going to go to Alabama

to do this UFC thing, some cage fighting. They looked at me like I was going to watch animal porn. That's right. I was going to watch some chicks suck some donkey dicks and a bunch of dudes get fucked by mules. It's like literally what I know. They were like, oh my God, you're ruining your life. And I was like, I'm not. They're going to fight. donkey dicks and a bunch of dudes get fucked by mules and like it's like literally i know they were like oh my god you're ruining your life and i was like i'm not they're gonna fight you and i

were obsessed i remember that yeah i'm like they have to figure out who's the best they have to fight i remember meeting or looking at bustamante and you said that's uh what's his first name and he's just he's six four and he was at a food there was like a food laid out and i and and you just you were like that guy's one of the best jujitsu guys in the world and I looked at him he had that jaw and I was just like god remember Goez Allen Goez I was like he's fucking stud

Vitor that's me 1997 adult in Alabama look at me what a beautiful young man he was sweet I had beautiful skin remember we used to train at Carlson Gracie's I had a semi full head of hair you sure did, buddy. It was starting to go, though.

You sure did. I was doing my best to hang on. Yeah, sharp. Look at how sharp your nose was. Look at how different your nose is. My whole face got fatter. Pull me up. I was the same way.

I just- I did Artie Lang's radio show- You get rounded off as you get old. Isn't it weird? I had a sharp nose, a skinny fucking neck. Yeah, it's weird. Like I'm a thick guy now.

Well, when we first met, we were both skinny. We were both like 27 maybe. I had breakfast with Brandon Schaub this morning and I came fresh, fresh from my Olympic lifting class. You know I Olympic lift now, right? Yeah, I've heard. And my testosterone was spiking. Look at that.

Look at you. Look at that. You cutie. See if you can get me and Brian Call Oh, I'm such a cutie. See if you can get me and Brian Callen together when Brian was a pool boy. Dude, you know what's really sad about that picture? I thought I was kind of tough back then. You're always a sweet guy.

No, but I mean, in my mind, I was like, I'm a black belt. I wrestled in high school. What a sad story. I remember when we first met, man. We immediately had so much in common. We started talking about martial arts. I'm like, what? You did Taekwondo?

What? You're a comedian? What? Yep. What happened to that chick? What was her name? Well, when you said you box and you do jujitsu and you have to because you'd be in jail otherwise, I went, oh, that guy speaks my language.

We're both retards. Both have pit bulls. There you go. There's you. There's Brian. Look at you with your fucking bikini on. Oh, look at that dancing look at you

look at that hilarious I probably was doing pushups too where's her she was writing what's her name again Mary oh my god I can't

you son of a bitch I cannot believe I'm forgetting her name she's so she's the most talented woman of all time fucking funny I'll tell you that whatever her name is

she's incredible fucks her name man I really like her I cannot believe I'm forgetting Mary's name. Jamie will find it. Look at you! Like a baby. Look at you. How weird is that, dude? Someone captured

time. I know! Like this actually really happened with us. I know! We were actually there in 94. Dixie West Westwood. Find out what her name is, man. I feel disrespectful. Mary, I'm so sorry. We're going to find it. I'm 50 and I'm senile.

Oh my God, I feel terrible. He smoked weed before this show. That's what it is, you bastard. Now I'm embarrassing myself. We're doing a wonderful job of entertaining people. She's incredible. She's one of the...

I was always in awe of her talent. She's impossibly funny. Mary Masterson. No, but that's patriarchy. Son. Masterwoman. We have to smash the patriarchy. Is there a last name? Masterwoman? How come you can have Masterson?

Can you even have Masterman? Yeah, Masterman. Mary Shear. I'm so embarrassed! She's very funny. She's incredible.arer. Oh, God damn it. Mary Shearer. I'm so embarrassed. Shout out to Mary. She was very funny. She's incredible. That was a great character she had, too.

She was one of those people that was so talented. She would write shit, and she would figure out what was wrong with a sketch, and I would be so in awe. But then she was a groundling forever. I didn't know. I was like, oh, you've been doing this forever. I had never done sketch. It's a very specific type of comedy. Yes.

You know, it's very different. Doing sketch is a very different animal than doing stand-up. She was ridiculously funny. She still is, I'm sure. It's a weird form of comedy. You know, those sketch little short things, writing them every week. Yeah. That's the craziest thing about Saturday Night Live.

It takes so much work, dude. Yeah, like the Chappelle show and a lot of these other shows, they had time to develop short things, writing them every week. That's the craziest thing about Saturday Night Live. It takes so much work, dude. The Chappelle show and a lot of these other shows, they had time to develop these sketches and they weren't doing them all in front of a live audience like Saturday Night Live does. I have friends who have been on Saturday Night Live and that is a grueling schedule. They're up all night, man, coming up with ideas. It seems like,

at least coming from Phil Hartman's explanation of it, he said it was very competitive to the point where people got real hostile with each other. It was never a relaxed, fun environment. In fact, when he first came from Saturday Night Live and came over to NewsRadio, one of the things, he was a little standoffish at first.

And then eventually he realized, oh, these people aren't competing with me. We're not competing. It took a while, though. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was an environment of snl that was like super like hyper competitive lauren michaels wants it to be that way you have to compete to get your sketch on and if you don't you you go away and so it's a very competitive atmosphere you could see it

and feel like and phil just relaxed after a while he relaxed i'm like no no we're not competing like you're phil hartman i'm some fucking dude that nobody even knows yeah okay we're both on a show together yeah hey what's up yeah and he's like oh okay okay okay and then he like i got deeper and deeper to know him you know this is back in my non-weed smoking days unfortunately i wish i smoked weed because he used to love to smoke weed really yeah yeah yeah he would he would smoke weed after shows and wind down and play music and go to strip clubs and shit. He was impossibly funny.

He was a really interesting guy. Not like any guy I've ever met. Legitimately not like any guy I've ever met. He had an incredibly unique way of viewing opportunities and things. One of the things that happened is he didn't really make it until he was quite old. He was a growling, right? Or was he Second City? I think he was a growling.

I think he was Second City. He might have beenling writer or was he Second City? I think he was a growling. I think he was Second City. He might have been growling too. I think you might be right. But I know he was also an artist and he did Pee Wee's Playhouse. He did something with Pee Wee's Playhouse, Pee Wee Hearn. An artist like a painter? Yeah. No, he used to make album covers and stuff.

Yeah, he was like a legit graphic artist. Wow. Yeah, he was a fascinating guy. When we first did News Radio together, he just decided he wanted to get his pilot's license. So every time I would talk to him, homeboy would have his pilot's book out. And he'd be going over his fucking pilot's book. Like he would constantly have it on the set, like in between scenes. He would do a scene and then he would open up his pilot's book.

Goddamn. He just was obsessed with learning how to fly a plane. My dad was that way. He fucking loved it. Yeah. My father was obsessed with that. He got his pilot license i never got it i was like i don't know why you care that much well you know what it is man

it's freedom it's like especially a guy obviously i can say this now since his wife killed him he had a bad relationship yeah when you have a bad relationship you just want to fly away how are his kids doing i wonder do you know i don't know don't know. I don't know. Horrible story. That was the worst. I remember talking to you right after it. Again, this is another thing where it was a disassociative. It was a psych medicine. It was Zoloft mixed with cocaine.

Not saying that she wouldn't have done that without anything. Not saying that the drugs are responsible. But I'm saying it's eerie how many different violent episodes are connected to psych medication. Good God. Yeah. You're fucking with the very way that your brain interfaces with reality. To think that that doesn't have consequences is absurd. It's absurd.

It's absurd. Yeah. And to think that you can sort of poo-poo those consequences, like correlation is not causation. Okay, you're right. You're right. But have you done a study to find out what's what? Have you really dug into it? Have you looked into these people?

Have you find out what they're like? Is there a way to even back engineer their personality before you start adding drugs? Is there a way? Do you know what the difference between depression and psychotic madness is? I don't know. I'm not. And I think, obviously, the guy, the Vegas shooter, nobody knew. Right?

If nobody knew and he just did that, so there's a line that he can cross where he's capable of doing that. You don't know what that line is, right? It's also interesting that they kill themselves. My point is, we're not dealing with an exact science. Yeah. We're dealing with something that varies so widely. Yes.

Yes. For anyone to say that this is fine. And they adjust the dosages depending on how you react to it. The only reason why people are saying it's fine is because they make money from it. That's it. If they didn't make money from it

they'd be like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How many people are being prescribed what? Yeah. Why? How could, did you try exercise?

You didn't. Okay. So you just took a pill. You're eating sugar all day and you just took a pill. Now everything's supposed to be good. Did you check your hormones? Did you do anything other than that?

Yeah. Did you try medication? Did you try your hormones? Any thyroid your hormones any of that try meditation did you try exercise did you try jogging i want you to try jogging for six months it'll give you the pills yeah but can you but then again is that hypocritical shouldn't if i think coke should be legal shouldn't i shouldn't i think that people should be able to take a pill well i think your your objection to that is that there's an entire industry making lots of money and making claims about those psychotic drugs, those drugs, psychosomatic, whatever

the word is, drugs, that maybe in many cases are not true. I'm sure that things like Prozac and Zoloft have their place. I'm sure they work for some people. I know, in fact, I have family members that really do well with Xanax. And I do as well.

And I know people that it's helped as well. And just like weed is good for some people and other people can't function, I can't really function on marijuana. You're talking pretty good right now. Thank you. But, yes, I am. But for the most part, it depends on your chemistry and your body. But I think what you're objecting to is that people are getting very, very wealthy,

certainly companies, on claims that are not measurable and not always true. There's that. Right? But there's also the same reason why I don't think a 900-year-old dude should be able to fuck a 50-year-old lady. Because I think she's basically a baby to him. This is what I think. I think that people are too goddamn vulnerable and gullible. And when you have these commercials where there's people walking down the street and

cartoon butterflies are flying around and they're all jolly and you're selling antidepressants and then you start listing off explosive anal bleeding, heart blowing out of your fucking chest like the Alien movie, your dick falls off, your feet go numb. You start reading off this thing while you're showing the same cheerful environment and crazy music. I think that alone shows you that there's a problem. Just those commercials alone, the fact that they exist, the way they're structured, the

fact that they have to say all these horrific side effects for like a minute, two minutes of the commercial. It's a horrific side effect. A giant, like, if you have, like legitimately have, and what is commercial? 30 seconds? It's entirely possible that 15 of those 30 seconds are going to be the consequences of you taking this drug. While you're looking at cartoon bunny rabbits and and wheat flying through the air and everybody's smiling yeah and there's a bunch of whistles and fucking piano and it seems like everybody's having a grand old time yeah and they're talking about

death and suicidal thoughts and psychotic episodes and come on if you want a really good insight into how big pharma works read ben goldacre's book big pharma fucking great but bad pharma i think it's called just money and it's the same thing as all of it it's tribalism because if you could look at your team your pharmaceutical team as being you against everybody else you could figure out a way to sell fucked up drugs to people that you really shouldn't be selling them i just have to say you say something. Because you want to make money. I have to say something because we're doing this podcast, that my entire act right now, my new hour is all about this. And everybody who's seen me knows that this is true.

So I want to say this because you're talking about teams and tribalism. The theme of my fucking next hour is exactly this, how we break up into teams. So I just don't want anybody to think that my next hour has been influenced by this fucking podcast because I love that you're thinking about the same thing I am. I think a lot of people are thinking about this now because as we're running into this weird situation where we realize that our democracy is in some weird way being examined. Well, it's being fractured. It's fractured. But it's being examined by people.

They're looking at it from all sorts of different angles in an unprecedented manner, right? And we're looking at the influence that Russia might have had and all this Bernie Sanders is going to run in 2020. There's so much going on right now that's this intense, incredibly high level that we're all sort of like caught up in this thing trying to figure out what's going to happen next. It's also we're having really trouble knowing what to believe. Yes.

Right? I mean, we don't know what to believe and what to believe in. I mean, is this a bot? And what is Twitter? I mean, if six people are saying you did something and that's it, how true is this? And if the stories are all remarkably similar,

now there's some consistencies, i.e. Charlielie rose but what what do we it's a very interesting time because trans privacy privacy is dead yet we still don't really know what to believe i mean i i'm getting information from six different sources so who's actually telling me the truth about that person or that event? That's the biggest, that's to me one of the biggest shit. And when you add that to click baitiness, it gets real, it gets to be a real problem. It creates cynicism and it creates paranoia and it creates the idea that I can't rely on any, the institutions I used to be able to rely on. Yeah. And there's also been an observed strategy of really inflated headlines that get altered

later. Yeah. You know, they say something completely ridiculous. It's not really represented by the facts. And then they tone it down when people complain. But they got all the initial hits. That's right. From the first version of it.

Well, politics is doing that. You can sway a vote by floating things anonymously. Yeah. And then by the time it comes out that it's bullshit, well, you've lost. Well, it's also dirty to name stuff after important values like the Patriot Act. Of course. Like, hey, you fuck. How do you vote against the Patriot Act?

That's the Patriot. You're not a patriot? Exactly. Like, that's rude. Of course. That's rude. That's a rude, dirty trick. Somebody should have pointed that out.

David Frum did. If somebody had any balls that was on the Senate floor. David Frum did. Did he? In a book called Don't Think of an Elephant, I think it was called. What year was this? I read that a long time ago. But he basically talks about how language, if you learn how to manipulate language, it is very beneficial, man.

Of course. You will. It's really interesting. I read interesting things about our population. Do you know that 80, I think it's 82% of Americans can't name one living scientist? Yet, if you ask, 82% of Americans will say that politicians should be talking to scientists. Even though they can't name one living scientist, like Neil deGrasse Tyson or Stephen Hawking or Lawrence Krauss, at the same time, there is a deep, not only mistrust, but also respect for science.

In other words, hey, you politicians, listen to the fucking science. If there's a weapon out there, if there's a technology that can reduce us all to dust, listen to those fucking guys. At the same time, I find it very interesting that science is still being questioned like there's real questions on the right about the science behind climate change right well did you see what happened recently and it was in texas the recent rash of earthquakes i tweeted about it today directly connected to fracking i'm sure but but but but what's also interesting is that both sides the left and right speaking of tribalism the left

doesn't want to hear anything about the difference, the scientific difference between men and women. That would be, and especially when you start talking about the difference between male and female brains. is that what you're saying is that women are a victim to their biology and ultimately are not able to overcome certain things that men have inherently. You're talking about James Damore, the guy from the Google note. Yes. I just want to free people to Google the wrong guy. He's the Google memo guy. Yeah, and I read that Google memo twice.

And what's interesting is a lot of evolutionary psychologists and biologists basically said, well, what he was saying was just drawing on empirical evidence based on how, for example, a 48-month-old infant female and a 48-month-old male will look at two. If you give them a choice between looking at something moving and a human face, typically the female, the 48-hour-old female, will look at the face, a human face. Typically the female, the 48 hour old female, will look at the face, the human face. The boy will look at the moving object. What about lesbians? I don't know. What if a kid is running out of the room like Leather Tuscadero? That's a different story. With a mohawk

and... Happy days? I don't... With a Theo Vaughn haircut? Do you remember when Pinky Tuscadero came to town? Yes, I do. Leather was out of town and Pinky came into town. Remember this? Yeah, they did that thing. You had to learn it. How do you remember that? I remember that. We're the same age. We had to learn it in high school. Pinky Tuskadero. Pinky Tuskadero!

You had to learn it. And once you learn it, you only learn how to do it one-sided. Are we 50 or what? Was that her? Who's that chick? No. No. That's a new chick. Oh, that's her? That's what she looks like now? That was Pinky Tuskadero? Wow, that's what she looked like? That's Leather Tuskadero. No. That's a new chick. Oh, that's her? That's what she looks like now? That was Pinky Tuscadero? Wow, that's what she looked like? I didn't know.

That's Leather Tuscadero. Hmm. That's Leather Tuscadero, and then there was Pinky. Yeah, Pinky was different. Which one's Pinky? Pinky was like a little tougher. She wore like a pink leather jacket. She sure did.

There she is. There she is. No, she had her shirt like tied up. Whoa. She was hot. She was hot in like a dirty mom way. Damn right. She was a fucking dancer like a dirty mom away. Damn right. She was a fucking dancer.

Woo. Look at her with Fonzie. Look at Fonzie. By the way, you want to talk about nicest guy on the planet? It might be Henry Winkler. I've met him. He's such a sweetie. He's a doll.

He's a sweetie. He's a beautiful man. He's a really, really nice guy. Yes, he is. I did a Kevin James movie with him. You did? Yeah. Guy could not have been nicer.

You know, I was supposed to do Kevin Can Wait. They offered me a part, but I was in New York, and I couldn't do it because I was doing Gotham comedy. I don't want to hear your fucking excuses, bro. No, but I'm glad this is in there because I feel bad because I miss Kevin. I really love him. He's a good guy. Have you talked to him lately?

No, I haven't, but I love that guy. I love Kevin. And Leah Remini's on that show, right? Yeah, she's back. She's the new wife. Damn. I don't know what happened. Scientology.

I love Leah. When you mentioned Phil Hartman did some album covers, I found this. Oh, yeah. Asia. Dude, have you heard Charles Manson's song? He did Asia? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here.

From Steely Dan. What? Yeah, what else? Eight album covers designed by legendary comedians. America. Yeah, that's right. And Poco, which I'm not familiar with. Are you fucking kidding?

No, he was awesome, man. Did you hear? I'm sorry. He did that? Wow. The Firesign Theater Fighting Clowns? Wow. It is CSN. Damn, I want to get a print of that.

Go back to that. See if we could find a print of that. Firesign Theater Fighting Clowns. Yeah. I'll look it up. Yeah, let's get a print of that and put it up in the studio. Did you hear Charles Manson's song? Did I hear about it?

I jerked off to it. It's amazing. Sir. Sir, please. Sorry. Five foot two. Charlie man. Five foot two Charlie Manson. Hey, you're garbage man. You people held me down. I played him on Mad TV.

Yeah, man. That's right, baby. It's amazing that that guy got so many people to follow him. But that's the thing. Like, 900-year-old people would not follow Charles Manson. Man, stop talking about the 900-year-old people. That's a long way off. But that's the whole reason why, like, we are infants. We're just infants with a very short lifetime.

Our lifespan is quick. Let me ask you this. Imagine if people looked like, you ever look at a person from like the 1800s when they first started inventing photographs? You see a 25-year-old, like, oh my God, he's almost dead. They look so old. They look so weathered. They look like they were just dirt. The most eerie pictures are when they would take pictures with their dead relatives.

Oh, yeah. You ever seen that? This is my kid. They all died. They would have pictures of them with them. They'd take pictures with them. Yeah, those people they died quicker they looked like shit but if you lived 800 years this is what i think about i don't

think about developing that much understanding i feel like i'd be like all right well i guess i'll start the drums and then the guitar and then the piano and i'll master those as well and i would just figure out all the skin skills i'd master let me tell you what you would be at 80 or 800 years old. What? You'd be living in a castle. Yeah. And you would basically be having young ladies come to the castle and give them seminars. Yeah. They have to be 40 or 50. Enjoy your life.

Yeah. Well, an older woman because you're 800. They're going to look hot as fuck and they're still going to be like kind of spiritual but not really religious. Yep. And you're going to be like, of spiritual, but not really religious. Yep Why I don't know why does this top being awesome the sex stop being awesome I think that's a crock of shit designed by people who don't want to fuck Me too one day you're not gonna like to you're so right One day you're not going to like tits.

You're so right, man. I loved it. One day you're not going to like dicks and mouths. One day it's going to be boring. Well, okay. Maybe. But I don't see any evidence. I'm not seeing any evidence that that's real.

I think you're making things up, and I'm not really interested in talking to you about this. So I find your fucking opinions are exhausting, and they're boring. So you hang on to them. Your opinions are exhausting, and they're boring so you hang on to them your opinions are exhausting and they're boring yeah so you hang on to them you run with them but i go nah nah i'm good nah the the base living here's the thing it's like there's this idea that there's like some higher level of thinking and then there's like base physical pleasures that's not real you have 100 years and then you're dead. So you're supposed to have fun. If you're lucky, you got a hundred years. Just because you enjoy some

very intellectual pursuits, it does not mean you should enjoy getting your drink on every now and then or doing something stupid or being silly or sex or anything. What would you say to yourself right now if I put your 25 year old or your 20 year old body right there, what would you say to yourself right now if I put your 25-year-old or your 20-year-old body right there?

What would you say to yourself right now? Figure it out, bitch. Really? That's what I'd say. Yeah, you got to figure it out. You got to make your mistakes. What you're going to learn from someone, you're never going to learn from them sitting down saying, listen, you got to learn from me. What you're going to learn from someone is by example.

What you're going to learn from someone is by someone out there following a lead that you know is difficult and achieving things that you think are very hard to achieve. And you watch that and you go, okay, what you've got to do is you've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You've got to grit your teeth. You've got to bear it down. You've got to work hard. You've got to be honest. You've got to be honest with yourself about how hard you're working. And that's what a lot of people are not

doing. You're never going to learn how to slip a jab until you get punched in the face much someone's gonna show you how to do it but to really learn it to the point where it's a part of your neural patterns yes there's certain things that happen to people where you you see them like slide their hips back oh that's a guy who's been kicked in the stomach yes like he where everything you do is a reaction you don't have to think about it for sure those pathways get carved in and by the way those pathways can be really shitty too

you can have a bunch of shitty pathways carved into your head that ensure your failure that ensure your failure that ensure you're questioning yourself and also blaming a bunch of other people you gotta like you know how people are supposed to edit you're supposed to edit when you make a document

you're supposed to edit when you write a book you You're supposed to edit when you write a book. You should also edit your thoughts. You can't just let them all run wild. You can't. Because some of them are really impulsive. And they're not well fabricated. And if you try to defend those fucking stupid thoughts, you're going to be like what we were talking about with conspiracy theorists.

And learn what not to listen to. That's the other thing. Not all fucking ideas are on the same plane no there are a lot of people you shouldn't be listening to yes and if you want to be really good at something find the right tutor there's a big difference between Rafael Cordero and you know if you want to learn how to kickbox or whatever and that dude over there right right right yeah if you can you know well yeah if you have the I mean good good guidance and tutelage is really important. It is. You know, what's interesting now is that people that don't have access to good guidance and tutelage still have access to online.

I was going to say, you've got the Gracie University, you've got YouTube, you've got Henzo Gracie giving you a little thing. Eddie Bravo has this whole system, 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu system. It's all available online. You can learn all the moves. And if you're in a small town, Eddie has over, I want to say, go to 10thPlanetJiu-Jitsu.com, 10thPlanetJJ.com. I want to say he has more than 80 students, or excuse me, more than 80 studios worldwide. Yeah. Wow. I think he has more than 80 schools. Wow.

And they put up a lot of the data of the stuff they're doing and stuff they're working on, drills and things. A lot of it's online. Wow. And they put up a lot of the data of like the stuff they're doing and stuff they're working on, drills and things. A lot of it's online. Yeah. That's amazing. What does it say? Look at the fucking... That's incredible. Look at the success, son. Look at the success. I hope he's charging a lot to license that. He's making

money, trust me. We'll talk later. Look at this, though. Look at this. This is insane. That's amazing. He's got a crazy number of people that follow his jiu-jitsu. Maybe he is right about his conspiracy. Nope. But he's definitely right about jiu-jitsu. You know, the chemtrail

thing is another one. He clung to that for a long time. He still puts something up on his Instagram page. I know why he believes that, because he doesn't believe in the government. But my position is I get that and I don't, I don't trust a lot of people either, but you have to trust the people that are scientists that are all agreeing that if a fucking jet engine that's heated up goes through condensation and a

certain atmosphere that creates artificial clouds. It's called being responsive to evidence. It is. And it's also like you, you, you can't, you can't mock that like that it's very important if you're going to get anywhere with any especially when it's on your wrist and in

your hand and you're going to have to figure out to it like this this is their science that measurable science that works right so the science that goes into your earphones that goes into the vaccines and antibiotics that push you beyond your biology. The science that gets food, fresh food in front of you, all that shit, is you're benefiting from that. And usually the science that you don't believe in is the same science you're actually using to speak into. Well, yeah, that's the argument we were having yesterday, that it's so ridiculous that anybody would have an issue

with the highest minds in the world deciding whether or not things are real and things are not real and what is and what isn't. so ridiculous that anybody would have an issue with the highest minds in the world deciding whether or not things are real and things are not real and what is and what isn't. Well, he thinks somebody's getting paid or something. It's really weird. I don't know what he believes. We could sit him down and talk to him about it. But my point about all of it was that the very genius that allows him to like shut down

jujitsu attacks, like he doesn't recognize jujitsu attacks. It's like, well, this is valid too. No, he's like, shut that shit down and move forward. And it's one of the reasons why he's so good at jiu-jitsu. He's so good at jiu-jitsu because he doesn't recognize your attack as valid. He shuts that shit down and he moves forward. It's really interesting.

That's amazing. Because he's an undeniable, Eddie Bravo's an undeniable jiu-jitsu genius. Ivan Salveri. You know Ivan Salveri? Sure. Yeah, he's great. Salveri.

Say his name right. I'm sorry. Have some respect. Shout out to Ivan. He gave me a lesson in, it was so awesome. He's a bad motherfucker. I went to Seattle in his school. You know, he's the only guy in the UFC that has a submission.

I think maybe one other person might have it now. But for the longest time, he was the only guy that had a body triangle rear mount submission, where he got a guy, he got Tony Fricklin in the, he got his back, and when you flatten somebody out, and you have someone in a body triangle, it's so fucking brutally painful that Tony

Fricklin tapped, he was the first guy ever to tap from a body triangle, and I remember I watched him do that, and I was like, oh, wow. Because I knew that that hurt. But I didn't know if someone would tap from it in a UFC fight. I was like, whoa. For a guy like me, he's probably 43, 44 now.

And he said he invited me to school. I was just so psyched. And he was going to teach me tricks and just like in close fighting, dirty boxing. Right. And he put Vaseline on me. I was like, what's going on here? Yeah. See, he gets a body triangle and flats it out

he's tapping from a body lock he's awesome he's such a great guy he's from Chile he's a bad motherfucker and he's got a rooster tattooed on his ribs it was funny because he came to my show and the next day I got in a ring with him

and he put grease on me and we're just doing little things with gloves. And for a man like me, for a man like me, who's basically 170 pounds and nothing compared, and when you feel that a man who's been throwing bodies around his whole life and punching, and it's been his life, and he's probably about 220, maybe 230, and he's a little heavier than when he used to fight,

but the strength and just the density of his body as you're fucking trying to do anything and he just moves you. He kind of shucks you around with his hips. He's a professional fighter. Yeah. It's so humbling. And he's super technical, too. Oh, fuck.

He's so technical. Yeah, Ivan was like super, super technical. Did I tell you? I got to tell you. Did I tell you? There's a picture of him. There's a picture of him and Maurice Smith being held court and me with Charlie Murphy. Charlie Murphy is explaining something called the Chicago Ridge Hand.

That's like a technique, a karate technique that people aren't using enough in MMA. He's kind of right. A ridge hand is where you would hit someone with the side of your hand. Do you ever know a ridge hand? Do you ever practice that? No. It's a karate move. You don't know about that shit.

No, I don't know shit. Karate move is a ridge hand. It's like this. This is Eddie Murphy. That's Ivan Salivary to the right of the table, and the black bald-headed dude is Maury Smith. Come on. Yep. You got two bad mother—

Yeah. You got two killers at the table. And then I'm back behind this all, this stuff. I'm on this side of it. But it was Charlie Murphy explaining. Yes. Y'all don't know shit about the chicago look at hyman hyman so cool well charlie was holding court charlie was so funny like i

don't think people that never got to hang out with charlie ever really get to understand how funny charlie was i heard he was a great storyteller his amazing storyteller but he just would hold court and you would let him you would fall to the ground laughing He was just a great He was great at like being the guy who told the story the best And it had the but it didn't translate in a stand-up as much as it should have and this is what I think happened I think he jumped into stand-up like way too quick and was headlining like really early Like he didn't do like the whole thing like we all did like do the open mic night and then start doing

No. Dude he was headlining like that. He was Charlie Murphy from the Chappelle show. Oh. So he hadn't done stand up before that.

Yes. He had never done stand up. Can't do it. So he figured out how to wait. I mean he did it and he figured out but I don't think he ever

I think if you would allow Charlie Murphy to develop the way we all did Yes. From open micer to middle act to headliner to hold he would have been a world class assassin yeah and you know he died is still a very funny comedian and he was headlining all over the world did you know he was sick when you were hanging no he wasn't sick when i was hanging out with he had leukemia or some kind of strange blood thing? Yeah, that all happened after I'd seen him. I hadn't seen him in a while. He did my podcast in like 2000,

I want to say in 12, somewhere around then, maybe 13. Him and my friend Freeze Love. Did you ever meet Eddie Murphy? Yeah, I met Eddie in Hawaii once, just randomly. It was funny. It was the craziest thing ever. Really? It's like, he knows who I am? Like, this is so bizarre. That's cool. Dude was funny. It was the craziest thing ever. Really? It's like,

he knows who I am? Like, this is so bizarre. That's cool. Dude, he goes, you're a funny motherfucker. I went,

ah! Get the fuck out of here. I can't do it. He reached out and grabbed my hand. He gripped it. He goes, you are a funny motherfucker.

Bobby, who was married to Whitney Houston? Bobby Brown. Bobby Brown came up to me the other day in the comedy store and told me some crazy shit. Bobby Brown came up to me. I was getting my ticket and and told me some crazy shit. Bobby Brown came up to me.

I was getting my ticket, and I was flying from, I can't remember where, and he came up and he goes, you're a funny dude, man. You make me laugh a lot. And he was shaking my hand. I didn't realize who this was until somebody came up and said, you know who that was, right? I go, I don't. And he goes, that was Bobby Brown. I go, fuck that.

He looked familiar. And then we sat, I sat next to him. Did you start singing the songs to him? Every little step I take. We'll be together. Did you? No. No.

He was the first dude to rock the microphone on the side of his face. Really? Headset, son. Ah, shit. Who had a headset before Bobby fucking Brown? And he was dancing. Who the fuck had a headset before Bobby Brown? He was like pushing the technology.

Yep. Right? And then Christopher Titus started doing it on stage. Really? And I said, no. No. No. Titus does it still, I think.

He has like a little microphone. Does the whole thing. Walks and talks like this. You've done like Letterman. There he is. Look at him. Bobby Brown. Got a full on headset, son.

I mean, I didn't realize how rich he was. Is he still super rich? Must be. What am I, an accountant? Look at that picture of him with the headset on, though. Remember the keyboard? Dude, this is like a guy, if you were trying to get your iMac fixed and you had to call India. Dude, please look. Please.

Please dial it on that right there. You kidding me with that tank top? You tuck that tank top on and you get that jacket off your shoulders. Go big. By the way, that's what... That's a gay porn if I've ever seen one. It sure is. And look at those awesome wristbands.

Why else would you have wristbands on unless you were there to stop... So your hands don't get all sweaty when you're... No, when you have lube all over your hands, it doesn't get into your elbows. You're damn right, brother. You're damn right. You're damn right. Can damn right you're damn right can't have louis doug elbows brown don't be mad we're just joking around i'm a big fan i'm a big fan my prerogative bitch he's awesome right that was a great fucking song he had some

amazing shit it's a bad motherfucker but that does look gay by the way i like but not like when anybody when anybody recognizes me i love it so not that there's anything wrong with that i'm not a cool celebrity i'm'm not a celebrity. Oh, come on, buddy. I'm tired of you saying this. You're hurting my feelings. What? You're a cool celebrity.

Thanks, buddy. If I wasn't friends with you, I'd be psyched to be friends with you. I like hearing that, buddy. That's your attitude I'm looking for out of you, young man. Like, he's silly. Damn right. It's a good time. That's what I'm...

I'm serious. I would be looking forward to hanging out with you. Thanks, buddy. My pleasure. I appreciate it. Want to talk about your dates? Don't you have a lot of comedy dates coming up?

I'll be at Cobb's December 7th, 8th, 9th and then at the Schomburg Improv the weekend after that December, what, 14th, 15th, 16th or something like that? Is this real? Uh-huh.

Oh, and you guys, please go see Brennan Schaub, my brother. At the Wiltern Theater the night before the UFC. Wilber in Boston. Wilber is in Boston.

Yeah, in Boston the night, January 19th. January Wilbur, right? The Wilbur in Boston. Wilbur. Wilbur is in Boston. Yeah, in Boston. The night, January 19th. January 19th, Brendan Schaub, the Wilbur Theater in Boston. Night before the UFC. Don't miss it. He's doing good stuff, and he's writing all kinds of funny shit. Yeah, so people are asking me if I'm doing stand-up the night before that UFC. No, but I will be there for that UFC.

But maybe I'll be hanging out with Brendan. There you go. I'll be hackling maybe you'll open for him maybe do a little fucking maybe do a little 15 minutes

don't do a couple jokes over here do a couple jokes we'll do a couple jokes I don't even know who I'm playing right now um

you're playing a guy like an old I'm playing a guy who's got a high voice what are how do you are at the comedy store tonight aren't we

yeah we're hanging out We're hanging out. We are hanging out. Yeah, the party continues. Who else is there? Chris D'Elia, me, you, Schaub. D'Elia, you, Schaub, and someone else. Someone else really funny, too.

No, quite a few. It's like a good lineup. Uh-huh. It's the Sam Tripoli show. Comedy Chaos, he calls it. Yeah, he's got a very good lineup. I think there's one or two other comedians on that show. Russell's on it. Russell Peters in the house. Oh, my main man. Someone else? Felipe Esparza. Oh, excellent. Yeah, he's got a very good lineup. I think there's one or two other comedians on that show. Russell's on it.

Russell Peters in the house. Oh, my main man. Someone else? Felipe Esparza. Oh, shit. Felipe's coming. He's amazing. He's hilarious.

Those are the other two that I was remembering. That's a good lineup right there. It's a great goddamn lineup. Bring the stitches to your sides, you fucks. There it is. Oh, Eleanor. Eleanor Kerrigan. Oh, very funny.

I love Eleanor. Eleanor is one of the funniest people alive and used to be a waitress. She was a waitress at the comedy store for years. Yep. And she was the girl that I would go to when they would tell me, someone would tell me, this guy's really funny. I'd go, Eleanor, is that guy really funny? And she'd go, pfft, fucking hack.

Eleanor is a wonderful human being and reminds me of the women in my family. So I have a very soft spot for her because she's Italian, I think. Is it a soft spot? I don't know if she's Italian, but either way, I love her. Oh, that's beautiful. I love her too. She's Irish. Her name's Kerrigan.

That's true, actually. She's Italian. Isn't that her married name, though? No. I feel like she's Italian. Okay. Nope. Eleanor Kerrigan.

She's from the Italian side of Ireland. What? You don't know. This is not real. You don't know. This is not real. You don't know. This is not real. Eleanor is an Italian name. Nobody appreciates Dom Herrera more than the Irish.

Dom Herrera is over in Dublin. Dom Herrera said one time, me and Dove were talking to these young, very pretty girls upstairs in the Laugh Factory. And he's taking a piss next to Dove. And he goes, are those girls good looking? And Dove goes, yeah. You couldn't tell? And he goes, no. I mean,? And Dove goes, yeah. You couldn't tell? And he goes, no.

I mean, at that age, you know, when they're that young, they could have a goat head. I'm still attracted to them. Dom Irera is a guy that's still swinging. Like, you know, like we all have this idea that a certain comedian age, like when you get into your 60s, you're not going to write new material anymore. He's always writing. K anymore. He's always writing. Killing. He's always killing.

And he's killing when he sits next to you. He'll pull over and sit next to you and go, oh, look at you queers. Just find a way to just say the right thing. The way he tells me, he goes like this. He goes, I did a set. I've done really well, whatever. And he goes, Brad, Brad, come over here.

I was like, oh, this is Brad. I didn't know him that well. I go, whoa, whoa, what's up, Don? He goes, you know what I like about you as a comedian? I was like, what? So excited. He goes, you don't really go for the laughs. I was like, fuck off.

That's where he lives. He lives in the joking with other comedians. It's like, Dom Herrera, in my opinion, is the best guest ever on Kill Tony. You ever see him on Kill Tony? No, I'm sure he's great. He's magical. He's magical. Like I've done it with him. He's magical. He's so professionally funny.

He's so professionally funny but also there's a bunch of comedians that he's making laugh. Like that's what Dom Herrera is the best at. So it's me and him and Red Band and Tony and then the comedian who does the set and then the audience who are comedy nerds.

So it's like Dom Herrera is just coming in there fucking with six guns loaded. Yeah, that's his. He's got an arsenal. Yeah, if I was Tony Hinchcliffe, I would fire everybody else. And I would say the Kill Tony show is Dom Herrera is there and then another guest. Like it's always Dom Herrera. We've got to have him on the Fighter and the Kid. Why don't you?

We haven't had him in a long time. No, a long time ago. He couldn't make it. I can't remember when it was. I've got to get him on. I fucking love him. Who's your least favorite guest? On the Fighter and the Kid?

On the Fighter and the Kid? Yeah. My least favorite guest? Don't tell me. Let's just keep this show positive. I don't even, I can't remember. Do you ask someone a question and hope they don't answer? This is one of those times.

Some people just kind of like, just don't come to play. Oh, like they don't know what they're doing? They just don't even, I can't remember. You know something? Do you ask someone a question and hope they don't answer? This is one of those times. Some people just kind of like just don't come to play. Oh, like they don't know what they're doing? They just don't come. They might be having an off day. If I don't pee right now, I'm going to die. How do you not have to pee? God, you're impressive. You got a huge bladder.

Go ahead, dude. I'm going to go pee out of my huge dick and I'll be right back. Jamie and I will talk about LeBron James. All right, don't talk about me now. Tell me. Tell me things, Jamie. Is there a new sneaker? He does have a new sneaker out.

Wow. Do they have one every season? Yeah, he's got two different pairs. He also has his own imprint label on Nike, which is... That's a baller, man. He sponsors Ohio State. That's like if Conor McGregor starts co-promoting with the UFC, like it takes it to the next level, right?

Did you hear anything about Conor yesterday? I don't know if it's rumors or not. What? He got into a fight in a pub or something. Oh, that's terrible. And I just saw random shit about it. I don't know if it was even accurate or not. Man, that's the problem with keeping it real.

Yeah. You know, if you want to keep it real and hang with the people, eventually someone's going to test you. Someone like you were when you were 20. You know, maybe. For sure. I don't know if Conor was into that. I assume he wasn't because he's a

winner but man that absolutely can happen if you want to be out there again hashtag keep it real balling too yeah hashtag balling I mean he's he's walking around with expensive watches these beautiful David August suits on he wears these tailored suits everywhere he has these super expensive shoes and watches. How many other Lambos are driving around Ireland, too? A lot. That's a good point. That's a good point.

That's a good point. Yeah, he's balling out of control. I wonder what it would take him. I mean, now that he had that big, crazy fight at the fight, when he jumped over the fence and pushed the referee, Mark Goddard, I wonder what it would take to get him back in the cage now. I wonder if there's going to be fines and suspensions. I wonder what the fuck is going to happen.

It's quite fascinating. But I'll tell you one thing. He makes things fun. He does. He makes things fun with Oscar De La Hoya's hitting the heavy bag on. He should say that he'll fight Oscar De La Hoya, but only if Oscar agrees to wear a skirt. You got to wear a skirt and you got to wear fishnet stockings, and I'll fucking fight you.

I think there's anything still, too. I heard Roy Jones is still trying to fight Silva, which I don't know. Is there any... Not that it's going to happen or anything, but like... I hope Anderson does not take that bait. Yeah. Yeah, Roy Jones is... I mean, you see what happened when Floyd fought Conor, and Conor's in his prime, you know,

and I'm not saying that Roy Jones is in his prime, but he's still very active. He still fights. Roy works out all the time. And he knocked out some amateur boxer MMA fighter last year. He had some fight. Remember that? Like there was like a contest to see who gets to fight him. Yeah.

He KO'd that guy with one punch. Did Anderson get suspended for his, yeah. Yeah, Anderson's going to be suspended for quite a while. Really? Yeah, once, if he indeed is Anderson's gonna be suspended for quite a while. Really? Yeah, once, if he indeed is guilty, let me just preface that.

If he indeed is guilty and they, they don't have any reason to believe he's not. What's your, what do you think is the move for Conor McGregor?

Should he fight Manny Pacquiao or Tony? A fucking bathtub made of gold and fill it with diamonds and just walk off until I get tired of doing it

every day. I'm crapping my jokes. I'd be fucking drinking. I'd be drinking straight Irish whiskey. Notorious Irish whiskey. I'd drink a fucking gun barrel full of Viagra.

A huge gun barrel. A gun barrel. And I'd make my way to the pub and just start shooting rounds off. That's not a bad Irish. Da-da-da-da-da start shooting rounds off. That's not a bad Irish. It's not a good O'Connor McGregor accent, but it's a good Lucky Charms accent. I would hire the most beautiful, huge volleyball player women to just carry me everywhere. Yeah, just get giant super athlete women to just carry you everywhere.

Do you think he fights Tony Ferguson or does he fight Manny Pacquiao? That's the move. He used to be not the move but I think Tony Ferguson, I think Eddie Bravo had a real good point about it when he and me

and Brendan talked about it. I think Tony Ferguson is the right move as far as for the fans. I think... Over Manny? Yeah, I don't think that's smart.

I think if he wants to do a boxing match, the real smart move would be fight an MMA fight and then fight a boxing match in a year. But't think that's smart. I think if he wants to do a boxing match, the real smart move would be fight an MMA fight and then fight a boxing match in a year. But I think that the Khabib Nurmagomedov fight, you've really got to see Khabib fight somebody else first. And the Nate Diaz fight, although it could be huge, Nate's not really fighting anybody right now. What I would like right now, this is my thought, I think Nate, if Nate comes back and fights someone and wins,

What I would like right now, this is my thought. I think Nate, if Nate comes back and fights someone and wins, Conor fights someone and wins, Conor has a boxing match. They have a huge MMA fight after that. Fucking huge! God damn it! I mean, three million pay-per-view buys, huge. Gigantic. Yeah, but he's got to get through Tony Conor first.

Yes, that's the fight he's got to get through. Yeah. That's a big fight. He might not even have to get through that. If he can lose, but lose's a big fight he might not even have to get through that if he can lose but lose in a respectable manner like lose a very close five round decision where it's like a nail biter where at the end of the ring and no and then tony ferguson drops the ground and connor's like fuck and then there's like controversy yeah i thought Conor won. And then people, the pundits will debate it online.

If he can lose a fight like that, yes. But if Tony lights him up, cracks him, darts chokes him, puts him out in the first round and then spits on his dick, yeah. Yikes. Then the Nate Diaz fight isn't worth a lot. But if he can do that, he's so loved by Ireland that he could almost do anything.

You know, Daniel Cormier said this to me. We were at a fight. It was in between while we were doing the stand-up thing. We're like, you know, they set you up with the microphones and you give your analysis about the upcoming main event, that kind of shit. And we're looking at each other and he goes, he doesn't lose anything when he loses. He goes, that's what's crazy. Yeah. He goes, he loses a fight and the support is exactly where it is, if not more. That's right. He's like, I've never seen anything like it. Well, I think they applaud his courage. He's just's crazy. Yeah. He goes, he loses a fight, and the support is exactly where it is, if not more.

That's right. He's like, I've never seen anything like it. Well, I think they applaud his courage. He's just so brave. Like, he just puts it on the line, dude. There's definitely that. There's definitely that. He backs up what he says, which is fucking crazy.

The fact that he came back and beat Nate, because I said to Brennan after I saw him lose the first time, I go, Nate's just too big for him. Yeah. He's just too big. Came back, beat him. Yes. And then knocks out, in the first round, knocks out Eddie Alvarez. Second.

Second round, sorry. Lit him up in the first round. Unbelievable. I was like, what the fuck, man? I think it was the second round, wasn't it? I want to say second round. I want to say he made it to the, I want to say they were coaching him. It's just fascinating, man.

It's like to see him kind of back it up. That's what they applaud, just his courage and his spirit. It's also he's a great shit talker. Yes. That's a big part of it. Yes. He's fun to listen to. Who the fuck is that guy?

Look at the way he dresses. Look at the way he dresses, too, dude. In Sacramento? Yeah. Khabib needs to fight at 170. There I said it. Well, you say that, but he's got a new nutritionist, and Cormier was telling me that he's having way less problems with his weight now.

He's 205. No, no, he's not anymore Okay, no that he's in the 170s now really? Yeah Yeah That he's like way lighter now that he's ever been any time close to a fight and that he'll have way less Problem making weight for this fight. They've got him on a very strict nutrition Really? Yes, because he's fighting. I'm just saying what his teammate my coworker Daniel Cormier tells me His training partner is Luke Rockhall. Luke walks around at 215, you know I'm just saying what his teammate, my coworker, Daniel Cormier, tells me. His training partner is Luke Rockhall.

Luke walks around at 215. But him being so big doesn't make Nurmagomedov bigger. You understand how that works, right? You're right. No, but Nurmagomedov, Luke posted a picture of him training with Khabib, and I was like, who's the giant? He's a stud. He's one of the most impressive grapplers I've ever seen in MMA. Yeah.

It's ability to take guys who are very good, you know, like Rafael Dos Anjos, and just sort of ragdoll him. Wow, his wrestling is fucking. Yeah, it is. It is. It's stunning. It's a different kind of wrestling. Because I think Dos Anjos is better now than he was during that fight,

but it doesn't matter. It's like the way he did it to him, it's like, man, is better now than he was during that fight, but it doesn't matter. It's like the way he did it to him, it's like, man, there's levels where it's hard to tell with MMA because striking's involved. When striking's involved,

you don't get to see the pure grappling level. But what I was seeing, when I was seeing just pure grappling, I was seeing strength, endurance, technique. It was just like 30%. They're stacked up on Nurmagomedov's side. If he gets a hold of you, you're not getting him off. That Michael Johnson fight?

Yeah, nobody gets him off. Look at the size of Khabib right there. Now, that might be the camera angle. It could be, but he's in front. But he's not cutting weight right there. Or if he is, he's halfway into the game. He's a monster, man. I think he does really well at 72. He's a monster, man. He does.

I think he does really well at 72. That's all I'm saying. He posted something on his Instagram. This is to show you why this motherfucker is so hard and why all those people from Dagestan is so hard. He posted something on his Instagram of one of his friends who'd been tortured. No. Posted photos of his friend who had his stomach cut open. Yeah.

He posted on his Instagram, this guy. There's two photos. There's this photo and then there's the next one. And this guy had his stomach cut open. They were torturing him about something. And there's a translation. You can translate all of it, but it has something with him saying that someone was wrongly accused. They were trying to get him to confess.

The point is, this is a UFC number one contender, or at least number two, in the lightweight division, one of the most talent-stacked divisions in the world. And he's posting stuff on his page about how hard his environment is. That's where he comes from. The point where people are being tortured. Yeah.

When he gets in there, his mind, I mean, you're fighting, literally fighting. He calls himself the Eagle. He's like a fucking Eagle. Yes. I mean, he's fucking ferocious when he gets in there. And he's at a level of grappling. Like, man, he's been doing it his fucking eagle. Yes. I mean, he's fucking ferocious when he gets in there. And he's at a level of grappling. Like, man, he's been doing it his whole life. Crazy.

And at an intense, super primal level. You know, so intense, real technical, super knowledgeable about wrestling and jiu-jitsu and submissions. I think Daniel said that he did. Like, they basically tussled for 15 minutes. Daniel, the Olympian. Yeah, he said he was hand fighting with him. He's like, whoa, shit. It's like, he's a beast.

Never give him enough, he's a beast. And when you see him get a guy like Michael Johnson down on the ground and just own him. He owned him. And he was saying, look, I'm sorry I got to do this to you, man, but you got to tap. I need my title shot. Is that what he's saying? Yeah, he's beating the fuck out of him, man. He was just holding him down and pounding on yeah

It was really hard for me to watch cuz one thing I'm like I'm impressed with Michael Johnson's Complete unwillingness to tap just just like beat me up He beat me up fighting through it and then eventually got Kim or it but it was just ruthless man It was ruthless and the control that he had on him Just his arm tied up and just beating the shit out of all like wow It was just ruthless, man. It was ruthless. And the control that he had on him, his arm tied up and just beating the shit out of him. I was like, wow. There's certain positions where you see a guy so much better than a guy

that the guy who's holding down is just not going to get up. He's not going to get up. It's a matter of time before he gets beaten into unconsciousness. That's right. I feel that way with Jacare. It's the same way. When Jacare gets on top of you or gets you down, unless you're Yoel Romero, we'll see you later. I feel that way with Jacare it's the same way when Jacare gets on top of you or gets you down you know

unless you're Yolo Romero we'll see you later yeah see how he's got his right arm tied up he just clamps down on his wrist and his right arm

became he became a one arm defensive guy he's just a guy who's been fighting his whole like wrestling his whole life

he's so fucking strong and it's details it's fucking details though it's where his hips are it's all the minutia the micro movements it is and he weighs he probably feels like he weighs 300 pounds i'm sure like those wrestlers like that

like you know the the when you when you tussle with a guy who's been doing it his whole life he can make him he can he can tap you if you're a regular guy by putting his weight on you after a while you'll just you'll just tap with speaking of which ben askren is going to be on the podcast oh boy i'm working it out with ben Askren. Going to get him out here. Finally. I've been a Ben Askren ball rider. He's a killer. For several years.

Not technically a dick rider. Ball rider. More of a ball rider. Because the dick is so deep in you. It's scary. Now you're riding his balls. It's over there. I hold on to the balls.

I look up at the dick. How much does he weigh? What is he? Well, he fights at 170. Okay, so he's 170 I thought he was I thought he was 50 He cuts some weight

For sure But I don't think He cuts a lot of weight I mean he's not one of The bigger guys in the division He's just super technical With his wrestling Who is his

Where did he learn? Well he is a Fucking serious World class Amateur wrestler I mean He knows Yeah before

I thought he was just Jiu Jitsu No Ben Askren Pull, Ben Askren. Pull up Ben Askren's record. You can see his collegiate wrestling record. He was a fucking monster. How about that hair? Powerful Missouri.

Look at that. Wow. If you pull up his record, though, his Wikipedia record, and he does a lot of work with a lot of Duke Rufus' guys, too. Yeah. He's always been a corner man I've always seen him at the USC yeah he just had he had some sort of an issue with uh post-Olympic career so like what is Olympic games yeah he was in Beijing wow what did he win in the Olympics he lost one

and he won one is that what it says wow yeah phenomenal wrestler i mean just phenomenal and he's retiring undefeated as a mixed martial artist he just uh i think he just beat aoki i think that was his main his uh retirement fight wow he won another contest after the olympics to dave schultz memorial international he won probably yeah probably He defeated a silver medalist in another tournament. Interesting. Go to his MMA career because I want to see who he just beat for his retirement fight because he just had his retirement fight. Yeah, Shinya Aoki, who at one point in time was one of the most exciting submission guys in the world.

And he was already opening up. He's the one who fought Nick Diaz, right? Did Shinya Aoki fight Diaz? Didn't he get tapped out by Nick Diaz? Maybe. He used to wear tights. Is he still fighting, right? Didn't he get tapped out by Nick Diaz? Maybe. He used to wear tights. Is he still fighting, though? Are you saying that was recent?

Yeah, Aoki just fought Ben Askren. I didn't know Ben Askren was still fighting, is what I'm saying. Yeah, this was his retirement fight. He just had it last week. Wow. Yeah, I sent him a congratulations, and I said, let's do a podcast. Does he have a twin brother, or am I thinking of Matt Hughes? You're thinking of Matt Hughes, yeah. Are you sure? I think Ben Askren might have a twin brother or am I thinking of Matt Hughes? You're thinking of Matt Hughes

are you sure? I think Ben Askin might have a twin brother too. He might as well I don't know. But let me ask you this how is Matt Hughes doing do you know? He's doing better apparently they're really excited about his progress you know he was in a coma for quite a while from the

apparently what they're saying is that he thought that he could make it across the tracks and that if you waited, the train takes like 10 minutes to go. It's a fucking giant ass train. So he took a chance and he hit some gravel. You know what he said to me? I worked with him on Warrior and you know what he said to me? He goes, I just hope I can put my shoes on

and put my own shoes on when I'm 70. Because we were talking about head trauma. He worries about it. He should. And towards the end of his career, Because we were talking about head trauma. He worries about it. He should. He should. He should. And towards the end of his career, he developed a compromised chin. That's the best way to put it. You could see BJ Penn knock him.

Doesn't your brain shut down? Everybody does. Everybody does. Chuck Liddell, who had probably one of the greatest chins of all time, he exhibited it later in his career. He just couldn't take shots anymore. Because your body goes, oh, I've been here before. See you later.

And shuts down? Yep. See you later and shuts down. Yep. Makes sense. That's incredible. A guy who is just rock solid, ferocious as Chuck Liddell, he's just a walk through bombs. Guys would just throw bombs on him. He'd walk through them. At the end of his career, he could not do that anymore. God, it's so interesting how a lifetime of fighting makes you more fragile.

Yeah, I mean, your body's just not designed for that brennan did an x-ray of his face oh yeah and he has micro fractures all through his face oh my god and he said and the doctor said it's very common with fighters and football players jesus christ yeah just micro just cracks all through your mask oh my god of course yeah you think about brennan sparring shane carwin all the time just getting mugged how about getting punched full-on and having his nose shattered by a crow cop? It was an elbow, in fact. Yeah, and still coming back.

Blam! Yeah. Took shots, took some good shots from Big Country before he got hit behind the ear. Yeah. If you watch that fight, boom! Ben Rothwell KO'd him. Boom! Ugh. Big Ben. He's another guy. What happened with him?

He got caught with something, right? Yeah. Man. Askren does not have a twin brother? Not twin. No? He's got a brother? Oh, there it is.

There you go. The Askren brothers. I think one of the things that, I mean, when you're talking about the fucking athletes that we're dealing with today you know you're talking with like what they're experiencing i think with medical science i bet like in 50 60 years we're going to be looking back and they're going to be going god damn man these people couldn't even take blah blah blah to fix their problem they couldn't even go to the blah blah blah machine to fix their brain and they just had to have bad brains like remember what robert sapolsky said in your podcast last thing he said i thought was amazing he says we learn more what do you think is gonna happen he said i think in like 20 30 40 years we're gonna go my god

look at the way we treated people who killed and who did things that were impulsive they their brains were just fucked up and we didn't know how to fix them well not just that he um he was not just talking about their brains being fucked up. He was saying that the idea of free will is a ridiculous concept that's ingrained in the psyche of the American people in particular. Well, it's a Christian idea. Yeah. But it's also that you, as a scientist, the way he looks at things. I mean, he's boiling things down to the fucking, the very atomic level.

the very atomic level. And he's essentially saying that your behavior has been determined by your environment, by your genes, by the experiences that you've had, by all the things that you've lived. Your prefrontal cortex may not be as developed because you grew up poor and under a lot of stress. Yes, yes. So you make impulsive decisions.

Lack of nutrition. The guy who kidnapped that girl I was talking about, the young girl had two kids with her when she was 13 for 18 years his father said that he had a motorcycle accident he was a normal kid

and then he had a motorcycle accident he was never the same his whole personality changed that's the Kinison story Kinison got hit by a truck oh wow Kinison was one kid Sam Kinison got hit by a truck

and then he's like oh oh wow wow wow fat gut kicking over do you know what else changes your personality they say sometimes which is fascinating got hit by a truck and then he's like, ow, ow, whee, fucking yeah. Wow. Fat gut kicking over fucking bar stools. Do you know what else

changes your personality they say sometimes, which is fascinating? Jerking off in your own mouth. Almost. Almost. That would be traumatic. I heard that changes

your personality. That would be traumatic for a little bit it does until you end up liking it. But here's what really changes. You're having a heart operation. Oh, that makes sense. That's so weird though.

You can have an operation on your heart and it changes your whole personality. Well, there's one thing about that, that Dr. Mark Gordon, you know Mark Gordon, he actually did a paper on post-traumatic surgeries, like open heart surgeries and the effect it has on depression and perhaps suppression of your body's ability to produce hormones. There's something about being under anesthesia for long periods of time with very complicated operations. It leaves people uniquely depressed afterwards. Wow. Yeah. And he was, he was telling me about this after the whole Robin Williams things happen because Robin Williams got sick.

He had a heart condition. He had heart surgery. And then he eventually wound up committing suicide. And he's like, I'm not saying it's the reason why Robin Williams did that. But there is absolutely some connection between this compromised hormonal system and depression and between a compromised hormonal system and long operations while under anesthesia. And I was like, wow.

Haven't you had a lot of guys on about the gut biome? Oh, yeah. And how that affects your mood? Dude, from having people on, from having Chris Kresser on the last time he was on, I changed, I'm eating like four cans of kimchi a week. Oh, really? Big ass cans, man. I'm eating fermented cabbage.

Of course, because you're an extremist. Do you have to eat that much? Crazy! I know but listen to me. Look at me right now. You are, you, just because fucking kimchi is good for you doesn't mean you have to eat that much bro. I eat it all the time dude. You're always, you're the extreme.

Can you have a little bit like the way the Koreans do? I feel pretty good. I know but the fucking guy. I think it's working. He gets a piece of information and he'll just eat like a fucking... Run with it. I'm eating bowls of kimchi. Yeah.

I played this video game for 15 hours. I fainted. I fainted. I never do that. But I have bone broth and kimchi for breakfast. Of course you do. Of course you do. And I put habanero sauce in the bone broth.

What a surprise. I sweat. Beads of sweat coming off my bald head. It's pouring down. Of course. And I'm eating spicy kimchi and I'm drinking spicy bone broth. You're an extremist. Yeah. I feel good. I feel good.

He wants to live forever. No, no, no. He's in love with immortality. I told you. It's not immortality. It's just right now until the lights go off, this motherfucker's going good. I'm going to be dead someday. This engine is purring. I'm cornering. Everything's good. Listen, man, if you think I didn't have a long conversation with Mr. Justin Dees,

who is Phil Heath's trainer, was, and he's a Mr. Olympia guy. He trains all those guys. I talked to him for a long time. I cut to the chase. I go, Phil, listen to me. I mean Justin, not Phil. Justin Dees. I go, Justin, right now.

Can't do my show on Salt Lake. I go, and his beautiful wife uh heather d's is uh number four in the olympia she and i went to kill you she looks amazing and i went i went hey bro let's cut the chase you know everything about nutrition and everything about weight lifting there's no doubt about how to build muscle he's a fucking genius talk to me about trt because i'm 50 and it's getting to a point where i'm gonna have to start start shooting myself up. What did he say to you? We had a long talk. Don't worry about it. The point is, I'll be seeing a doctor fairly soon.

Wow, look at her. Do you guys see me really much, girl? No. Let me say no. You don't bench enough for her. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. You don't bench enough.

First of all, she's got a boyfriend. She's got a husband. Yeah, so I wouldn't even talk about it. Giant man. He's a very thick man. Drop it. Just drop it, Callan. Have some respect.

Sorry, man. Jamie's pulling up pictures of some respect. Sorry, man. Jamie's pulling up pictures of her ass. Hey, bro, I wasn't looking. I was just looking at her back. She's being judged on it. I'm looking at her back. Whatever, bro.

I'm looking at her back. You don't just because someone else buys slaves doesn't mean you have to. You son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Probably into orcas too, being in pools. This woman just highlighted is the real problem with the social justice warrior movement, as they eat their own to try to take away any sort of blame on themselves. I just think the left, the illiberal left, has lost their sense of humor.

You can't even be funny. You can't say anything. I predict that this is the inevitable demise of a vast majority of the colleges in this country. I agree. And the people are eventually going to learn how to form communities and learn online. You know Jonathan Haidt? He's creating the Heterodox Academy. You know about this?

No. So Jonathan Haidt is a fucking giant. Jonathan Haidt, I can't believe you haven't heard about his podcast. He's a giant. He wrote the happiness hypothesis. Will he fit in this room? Yes. His brain might not, though.

And he basically is at Columbia University. And he was like, this place, you got fucking students that can report you blindly. And you get called up in front of a whatever. For cultural appropriation. And it's 17 to 1 usually. Like 17 hardcore liberal sort of leftists and one conservative to these colleges. Like Brown and Columbia. And he's,

he said, this is Orthodox thinking. It's so bad that they've created safe spaces where you're not even allowed to hear the other side. Cause it might be violent. It might be too much. So he said, I'm creating the Jonathan height,

H a I D T. You have to have my, there he is. He's a fucking, he's a genius and he's awesome in every way and he's so important as a thinker he's been he's one of the more influential thinkers in the past 30 years really yes basically proving that intuition and that your your feelings control so much of your thinking he's a fucking genius a social scientist anyway that's my shout out to jonathan height i'm

glad i had a chance to talk about him but powerful shout out to jonathan height yeah but he created the heterodox academy he's like this orthodox thinking is fucking you know is not good for anybody it's again what we talked about earlier it's people being tribal idea sex we need idea sex do you remember that um thing at university of missouri where woman, that guy was an Asian young student photographer, and this woman came over and she was yelling at him to stop taking photographs because they had created a safe space. Ah, that's awesome. And then she said, can I get some muscle over here to take this photographer out?

He's like, this is like the First Amendment. Wow. He was like, I need freedom of speech, freedom of the press. I didn't see this. I'm taking photographs. There's an event that's happening on public property here. Like what do you I'm a part of the school? I'm being hired to do this because she's so she comes over Analyzing them she's she's a woman. She's protecting them. She's not even a child. I mean it's a child She's a professor in training. Yeah, because anybody who disagrees anybody comes her. She looks like a fanatic. You need to get out.

I actually don't. All right. Hey, who wants to help me get this reporter out of here? I need some muscle over here. So crazy. She's not very smart. Well, she got caught up in the moment. You know, I mean, that's really what it is more than anything.

She probably thought she could get away with doing that. She didn't realize how crazy it would seem on camera, saying, I need to get some muscle over here to get a reporter out. So she's thinking the same way those that are intolerant are thinking. She has the same methodology. Her brain works the same way. You're in the way. I'm going to get you out of the way.

ISIS goes, you're not a believer. No point in trying to convert you. I'm going to shoot you or cut your head off because you're not. It's the same mentality. You're totally right. You're in trying to convert you. I'm going to shoot your, cut your head off because you're, it's the same mentality. You're totally right. You're totally right. Same methodology. Yeah.

And it's also like, she's in a heightened state, right? She's in the combat state. She's immediately argumentative. The guy's got a camera on her. Because anybody, anybody who disagrees with her is rooted in evil and falsehood.

The enemy, racist, sexist, xenophobic. And when you say, when you, when you hit somebody with racism, you go, you're racist or or sexist what you do is you shut down the whole debate yes because you just you just labeled this very complex human being with all kinds of emotions

right who goes through some days i'm having a moment i fucking hate everybody other days i love everybody well if you hate everybody then you hate black people then you're right i hate them all but if i'm listening to andrew day if i'm listening to andrew day i i i care about terrorists and their mothers and everything you know it, it depends. We all have moments, but when you brand somebody, what we do is we go, you're a racist. You said one thing. So you're racist. Now I'm going to inflate that. I'm going to blow that up like a big balloon and fucking strap it to your face. And you are out of the conversation forever. You're done ever bro. Cause you're my competition. That's right. That's right. And your ideas, your ideas might be threatening to me.

More important, they're actually, they create violence towards me. Therefore, I need to save space. Oh, and by the way, I have all the answers. My side is rooted in the truth and love. Plus crabs in a bucket, trying to push those other crabs down so I can make my way to the tippity tippity top. I love crab metaphors. God damn it. Best way to do it is to call other people racist. That's it. And everybody's like, what? Me? What way to do it is to call other people racist. That's it. And everybody's like, what? Me? What?

What? You immediately get people on their heel. What? We're not racist. What? What? What? You sexist.

What? Me? Me? Huh? No? Huh? What did I say? We're not racist or sexist.

We're tribal. Right? That's the theme. You think there's a biological basis to sex, and that is patriarchal in and of itself. There's no biological basis for sex. Not hormones, not XY chromosomes, not a uterus. People are saying that unironically in 2017. They're saying it on a regular basis.

Really? Yep. It's one of the Jordan Peterson discussions that he had with some, I don't know if it was a man who became a woman or a woman who became a man, but she was a professor. Oh, I saw it. A professor of medicine? No, a professor at University of Toronto, a professor in like transgender studies or some shit. Oh, I saw the debate. Yeah, it was a hilarious debate. I know.

She's saying there's no sexual or biological... She said there's no difference between... It's a very popular misconception to think that there is a difference between male and female. It doesn't exist. There was no biological basis for gender. We were like, but? Yeah, okay.

But? If you go to the puppy store and you say, I want a boy puppy, and they give you a girl puppy, what do you say? You say, well, there's no biological basis for gender. How about the power lifter? The power lifter that became a woman and was a competitive power lifter as a man. Let me stop you right there because she is a woman. She's always been a woman.

Sorry. Don't be a piece of shit. No, she's a woman now. No, no, no. No, she's always been a woman. Just now she gets to express herself in the most unique way. I see. Not unique.

So before when she was, even though she had an XY chromosome under the dick and she was competing in men's division, she was still, she was a woman? This is so transphobic. I can barely handle this.

I just asked a question, man. She is her authentic self. Okay. Do you get a lot of shit for your, when you talk this way from- Only by people

that are retarded. Yeah, exactly. I feel like most transgender people would be very reasonable and not be. I had a bunch of transgender people come to see me at the ice house the other day they all gave me hugs they were super sweet I love that they said but the trans community loves you I gotta love you guys like

there's a lot of trans people by the way that were upset at that whole Bruce Jenner Caitlyn Jenner fiasco they're like look this is not who we are like you're you just want more attention hey hey you're a Kardashian exactly big old male Kardashian became a chick. Settle down. Right. You know, and there's a lot of people that felt sort of like, also when they found out that Bruce Jenner then became Caitlyn Jenner and then after that didn't believe in gay marriage.

Okay. So fucking weird. I think we're done here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. Maybe you're just crazy. You can be a boy who wants to be a girl or a girl who wants to be a boy. I have no problem with that.

But it doesn't mean you're smart. It doesn't mean you're smart. And that's a problem. Right. That's a problem. And if you're an intelligent person who's in the transgender community, you don't want that as your ultimate representation. That's right.

You just don't. You don't want someone who's got that much of a contradiction where they, you know, like when they asked him about it, one of the most crazy things he said is like, well, I've always been a traditionalist. Like what? What? You're not traditionalist. You're a man who became a woman. That's not traditional.

You don't believe in gay marriage because that's even dumber because what you're talking about, you're changing biology and you're saying that some man-made bullshit fucking thing called marriage, that guys shouldn't be able to do it if they love each other, but you should be able to be a girl right shut the fuck up that makes me angry so you're making me angry it's so it's so bizarre I can't even I end up rubbing my eyes cuz I don't know how to I don't know how to respond to insanity it's the only time I've ever seen Ellen go after somebody really Ellen had Caitlyn Jenner on her show and she actually went after her and it's and

I'll notice how I said her not misgendering because I'm a good person. Yeah, you are. I'll vote Democrat if it works. Strange. Remember I said that on the podcast? You were like, bullshit. I was like, I'd heard it. Yeah, you called it way before anybody knew.

I just heard it. That's because I heard it from a reliable source. And you called it, I want to say, a year and a half early. Yes. Yeah. Yes, because I knew he, I want to say a year and a half early. Yes. Yeah. Yes, because I knew he was already starting to feminize his looks. Also, his kids go to a school, and he would show up in bracelets, and they were like, what's going on?

His hair would be in a barrette. Dude, you and I need to get press credentials. What is this? Feminism site Medusa Magazine shuts down after founder admits it was pure satire. No way. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Don't gender your pets.

It was pure satire the whole time. Oh, you beautiful people. Thank you. I'm going to tweet that as soon as this podcast is over. You guys are beautiful. Thank you for being you. Thank you for fighting the good fight. Resist.

That's the real resist. Keith Olbermann, I get what you're doing, but the real resist is to fight the nonsense. Well, fight the nonsense with humor. You know what Michelangelo said, my favorite quote? Criticize by creating. I got a new show for you and me. What? You and me.

Yeah. We go to places. We get high as fuck. Okay. We become journalists. We get high as fuck. But then I don't say anything. I forget everything. No, no, no. You're doing just like this. Okay, to places we get high as fuck okay we become journalists we get high as fuck but then i don't say anything i forget everything no no you're doing just like this you just okay you don't get high as fuck i get high as fuck you take one hit okay we go to places

as journalists and we interview people whether it's we go to like a republican correspondence dinner or a democratic convention or we go and we you just you and I okay just but drunk and high And we interview these people and we mock this whole thing we get it we get a view of like how crazy the frenzy is the center of the hive for control of the Queen Watch those fucking crazy assholes. We call it the center of the hive freak party worldwide. That's what we call it Freak party worldwide. We're not Democrats. We're not Republicans That's what we call it. Freak party worldwide. We're not Democrats.

We're not Republicans. Freak party worldwide. We're in the freak party. Freak party worldwide. I'm in. And we go. I'm in. We act as, I'm dead serious about this. I say we get Netflix to do this.

All right. And we just fucking travel. I'll do it in a heartbeat. Yeah. We get one dude to film us. They can keep his mouth shut. Well, we never see each other. I always complain about it on the podcast.

I'm like, I never see Rogan. So let's do it. I sulk about it. I'm like, ah, he's hunting without me. I know, I say it too. I say it too. Well, I got obsessed with hunting. Hey, let's go hunting with, I know, but you're a boy hunting.

I have a fucking bow, bro. I know. I've got a problem, though. I've got a hunting problem. No, no, no. Oh, really? Kimchi and fucking hunting. You mean you're an extreme with both?

Yep. I've never seen that before from you. No, well, this is, you know, I'm out there every day shooting out a rubber deer. Every day? Are you? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah yeah it's a real problem i could fucking i got golf you're the greatest i got you're the greatest in my arm you're pulling my bow back too much yeah i get stem cell shots oh yeah yeah yeah i'm going crazy yeah i had a good time though wonderful time i did that with fucking boxing shop gets mad at me for sparring, but I just love it so much.

Let it ride, bitch. Let it ride. I'm with you. Let it ride. Yeah. Did you see that where Luke Rockhold punched me in the fucking nose? Yeah, don't let him do that. And then I had to go get makeup.

Dude, my nose was so black and blue. I'm at the fucking San Jose Improv. That's hilarious. I got to take pictures. This is ridiculous. I couldn't cover it. It was black and blue why'd you let him punch you

I didn't it wasn't like hey Luke I was like obviously he threw me headgear and I go hey Luke listen to me right now

I'm a gazelle right now and there are a bunch of lions out there let those people know like all those guys training that I'm I'm a bitch that I'm an actor at 50

and I dance around a gym how bad did he hit you I spar because I do it with people who aren't athletic yeah but it was way worse than that what's How bad did he hit you? I spar because I do it with people who aren't athletic. Yeah, but it was way worse than that. What's that? What did he hit you with?

He punched me with his fucking glove right in the nose. That's when it was. It wasn't even. It got purple. Yeah, but why do you think it's cute to fight professionals? Dumbass. Well, first of all, I didn't want to. I thought I was going to hit mitts.

And he throws me headgear and I go, I don't want to do this. And Daniel Cormier goes, I got him first. Andier double legs me and look at that look at that stupid nose i'm going to take pictures with it's ridiculous it didn't work you should just stick to just straight boxing where you could school them with your skills oh yeah you know me i'll fucking slip those jabs that's the one of the worst things like why don't you get involved in jujitsu that way you don't have to get hit. I'm going to. Yeah, because- I miss wrestling.

I miss mat work. I really do. I miss it. When you first started doing jiu-jitsu, way back when we were at Carlson Gracie's place, you took to it right away from the wrestling. Yeah, because I was a wrestler. And it was like, oh, this is- I trained with Henso for a year.

I love jiu-jitsu. I love it, love it. Yeah. I like boxing, though. I really like- It's fun. It's such a challenge to me. Obviously, jiu-jitsu is a whole world, and it's really difficult.

But there's something about boxing at my age I guess I like because it's, I guess it's just such a mystery. It's such a mystery to me. Well, you're learning a skill. Patterns. And learning that skill. Yeah. And then on top of that, you're also working out. Yes. That's one of the fun things.

Yes. If you can find a sport, like here's a good one, soccer. If you play soccer, you're going to fucking run around a lot. A lot. But you're also going to fuck your knees up. You're going to fuck your knees up. And I'm too old.

But boxing, actually you stay pretty injury free, believe it or not. And you can get to a point where you're not going to, yeah, but you wear headgear, you don't go crazy on each other.

I'm not fucking fighting. You know where you get hurt? When you spar dudes who don't box and they swing for the fences and they catch you. you fight dudes like that are really good like i'll spar sometimes the great wayne mcculloch i'll spar with him sometimes like i'll get in there wayne's fucking wayne wayne at 44 is going to do whatever he wants even though he's 135 pounds but it's we're moving around he'll hit me but it's not he's not going crazy exactly yeah exactly that's that's the best in juj-jitsu, too.

You get less hurt when you spar with someone who's really good. Correct. You don't win. No. You're going to get tapped a lot, but you won't get hurt. He'll just control you. And you learn patterns. And then pretty soon, you learn these patterns.

You start practicing. Then you go against a guy who doesn't box a lot. Exactly. And you look good. Like you know what you're doing. Yeah. And he goes, dude, you've been doing it a long time. You're like, damn, fuck it.

I'm a pro. Yeah, right. I'm also a pro, bro. I look good. Like you know what you're doing. Yeah. And he goes, dude, you've been doing it a long time. You're like, damn, fuck it. I'm nothing. Yeah, right. I'm also a pro, bro. I look good. You see my left. What's funny is anybody can learn how to hit mitts. It's where you're punching from. Yeah.

And how are you setting that up? And how are you not getting hit? Yeah. And what happens when you get hit to the body? I'm like. Dude. Dude. Dude.

Dude, that's the worst. That is the fucking worst. That's why kickboxing is so much more terrifying. And Muay Thai, I've watched dudes get kneed in the body. No, thank you. I was watching John Wayne Parr's, he had a video up on his Instagram of him fighting when he was 17. The first title that he won. John Wayne Parr's like 44.

I know John Wayne Parr's my boyfriend. He's 40 now, I think. 41. He's 41. and still going after it but like watching a video of him from when he was 17 years old kneeing some dude in the body punches and knees I don't have time to condition my shins this is him 17 man, isn't that crazy

1993 crazy look at those knees in the body son 17 man isn't that crazy 1993 John Wayne Parr crazy look at those knees of the body son is that him in the red yeah

John Wayne Parr is a fucking savage boom boom boom just a real fighter man yeah it's um it's a crazy way

to express yourself you know but you really get to see a person's character in a fight 100% that's the thing that makes it so crazy

100% it's just thing that makes it so crazy. 100%. It's this wild melee of bones and flesh, and you get to see how bright your star shines. It's also really awesome to learn defense and learn how to get out of the way, learn how to block, keep your eyes open when somebody's kicking and stuff. Yeah, problem solving.

How to figure out what to do when, when the issues are. Oh, boom, that's it. By the way, I shouldn't't but just so everybody knows i didn't spar with luke rockhold and daniel punch you in the face i i got to move around and they were really nice to me and they they they moved me around at will so let's not i hate when people like me say i sparred with so and so no you didn't spar you didn't spar with them because they they beat the fuck out of you. The fucking, yes. You moved around with them and they were being cool

and you got to throw some shit and do some stuff that you've learned and giggle. Yeah, relax. Yeah. If I had opened up with my Taekwondo,

they'd be some, yeah. What if you did like one of them Bruce Lee moves? Dude, my wheel kick? You want no fucking part of that shit. I've seen it like, sort of like when that

Not in the air you haven't. Not in the fucking air. You know, Ty Cobb could read the letters on the... I could see your kick coming a mile away, bitch. You could read, you could read. You could read my... the label on my underwear. Well, Brian Callen, it's 5

p.m. I say we wrap this bitch up. This was a pleasure, my brother. We need to do this more often. I know we've said this before. I miss you. I never see you. I don't see you enough. It hurts my feelings. My feelings are a little hurt. Hey, we're hanging out in a couple hours. All right, but on the record, for the record, my feelings are hurt.

Mine aren't hurt, too. It's not my fault. Shit, you're busy, too, bitch. We're both busy. Damn. We are busy. Really fun, though. It was awesome.

Brian Cowan, ladies and gentlemen. Come see me at Cobb's. Come follow him. Cobb's? Cobb's when? And then Cobb's December 7, 8, 9. Good lord. Then the following weekend, Schaumburg Improv, you bastard.

December 14, 15, 16, whatever. Plan ahead. Yep. And by the way, go see Brennan Schaub at the Wilbur Theater, please. January 19th. Sell that bitch out. December. December 19th.

No, January. January 19th. January 19th. January 19th, day before the UFC. I'll be there hanging out with him. All right, you fucks. We love you. Bye. Those are you. Bye!

Those are awesome. I timed those by quickly, huh? Dude, it flies.