The Joe Rogan Experience - #1046 - Owen Smith

Episode Date: November 29, 2017

Owen Smith is a comedian, writer, actor and television producer. https://owensmithisfunny.com/

Boom and we're live. Owen you going to Australia? Are you moving there? I never been V. I never been. You would love it. That's what they say man. I get a lot of Australians come to the store and when I perform at the cellar a lot of Australians. They fly over here to see comedy. It's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. They take comedy vacations. It's super common. You ever see like a hot dog spot and it says like world famous hot dog? I feel like when I talk to an Australian I can say I'm world famous but

I've never been over there. Well I think a lot of them come over here just like, ah fuck it mate, let's go to Australia and fucking fly over to Los Angeles and see what it's like over there. They've got more people in their state than we have in our entire country. There's more people in the greater LA area than the entirety. What's that feel like?

And they're as big as the United States. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah, it's huge. So it's the size of the contiguous United States. I think the lower 48. I don't think it's Alaska included. But it's the size of the contiguous United States. I think the lower 48. I don't think it's Alaska included. But it has less people than Los Angeles. I learned that lower 48 term when I was in Alaska.

I didn't even know that. Yeah, they barely are American. Yeah, it was crazy. You look at it, you're like, what? How is this up here? This is America too? Yeah, I was like, huh? How y'all get in?

Lower 48. Yeah, I used to have a joke about Sarahah pale and i'm like that's a frozen puerto rico that's what that is it's so not america that's barely america that's hilarious those people are cool as fuck though yeah man i loved it everything was rustic that was the new word for like it was a booger on my spoon man that's rustic i was. I was in Fairbanks. You just kept banging on things. I became a nerd, too. I saw like the Aurora Borealis. It was beautiful.

I saw moose up close and whales like breaching. Resurrection Bay, I think, is where I went. It's fantastic. It's real. I loved it. I went in April, so it wasn't too cold, but it was still cold as shit. Yeah, it's weird up there because the people are just so accustomed to the trials and tribulations of nature.

They feel like they're heartier folk. Oh, yeah, definitely. You know what I mean? Definitely. They're not consumed with the stuff that we are bothered with. Everybody has a plane. Every other person had a plane in their backyard. A bush plane.

Yeah. Which is kind of cool. Dude, this place is going crazy. We lost Garrison Keillor and Matt Lauer today. Both of them went down. That's what they get. Crazy. Like I said, man.

Garrison Keillor. Garrison Keillor. Look, man, them low-talking dudes. Those slow-talking. Welcome to Lake Mobagon. He's looking sideways. Those are the guys you got to watch out for. Yeah, the whispery dudes.

Here we are live. Public Broadcast Radio could use your donations. We love bringing you quality content, but it comes at a price. Yeah, the first guy to go down was that John Gomeshi guy. Who was that? Is that the NPR president? He was a guy from Canada. The CBC guy that was choking bitches.

Oh, no. Who was the Montreal? That's the dude. That's the Montreal? That's the dude. That's the Montreal dude? Yes. He was like, Mr. Calm and quiet and progressive and I'm a feminist. I don't trust it. I call myself a feminist.

Ladies, listen. You cannot trust. I'm not the best human being in the world, but I swear to God, what you see is what you get. Yeah. All right. You've got to be careful with these fucking male feminists That is just that is a sneaky ploy to get pussy. What was that one? Who was it was it? Eric Weinstein that was telling us about a particular type of cuttlefish

That pretends to be a female so he can get in close with the males and then because the males don't recognize him as being a uh a threat what was it sneaker sneaker male like a sneaker male hilarious yeah and he can operate like underneath the large cuttlefish right and with all the females yeah he bangs him he's getting on the sneak tip that's the dude that's like i understand you yeah is that it sneaker male cuttlefish of thailand there it is yeah so it literally is like a transgender cuttlefish pretends to be a woman but really it's just trying to get some pussy that's it and it's its strategy is not to be the big you know uh ever-present dominant male but instead just slip

around just like the girls that's like girls That's like the one straight dude in a ballet. Yeah. And he's like, the women complain to me about all the other guys, and then I end up smashing them all. Or like the one straight dude in church choir. You know when you see those guys, who they really are? When one of the ballerina's boyfriends show up, and the straight dude's bitchy to him? Yeah. Oh, look at you. Trying to fuck my girl. You've been trying, though. when one of the ballerinas boyfriends show up yeah straight dudes bitchy to him yeah oh yeah

you've been trying though you've got this whole thing cultivated you're watering it all and putting fertilizer you're setting it all up your moves your calendar you got your fake books you're pretending to read that you leave out yeah yeah all the shit that we do all the shit that guys do leave out. Yeah. Yeah. All the shit that we do. All the shit that guys do. Everybody has a move.

What was Garrison Keillor's? He was, he was probably the, you know, just the intellect, man. He was a professor. He was the,

the professorial crush, right? Lake Beaubigone, he created this whole world. Yeah. No talking dude. Made money in Minnesota. It was Prince and this dude.

And Garrison Keillor. Yeah. So, look at him. Man, look at that dude. That dude was slinging dick. Ugh. Terrible. Oh, Garrison Keillor yeah so man look at that dude that dude was slinging dick oh

terrible oh Garrison Keillor Garrison Keillor I wonder what is the accusations I don't know here's the thing though man all a chick has to do

is hate you that's what's scary yeah and then you're guilty yeah the bucket is so wide it's like it's the Weinstein of it all

and then it's I don't know Matt Lauer of it all I don't know what Matt did yeah I don't know what he did either but then there's like it's the Weinstein of it all and then it's I don't know you know Matt Lauer of it all I don't know what Matt did but yeah I don't know what he did either but then there's like the Louis CK angle where he doesn't even touch you he just jerks off in front of you like oh what the fuck like my boys say though he's like you don't know what it's like to have a dick because you think about it like who like who would put everything in peril to just jerk off in front of someone? Like you know this is going to come back on you.

Yes. So it has to be something with your dick that makes you go, I have to do this. I think it's, I've been saying this for a while. I think it's one of the things that like makes people funny too is that ridiculous way of viewing the world. You're just chaotic. Yeah. Impulsive. You do nutty shit.

And the next thing you know, you're like, can I jerk off in front of you? And you're like, what? You viewing the world. You're just chaotic, impulsive, and you do nutty shit. And the next thing you know, you're like, can I jerk off in front of you? And you're like, what? You push the limits. Let me see how ridiculous I can be. You want to see where people's lines are. And it probably worked. It might have worked for somebody. That whip it out, like the

whipping your dick out thing, like I know dudes that, people tried to get me to do that in college. They were like, yo, you should just pull your dick out. I'm like, that works? Yeah.

And I was like, I never had the courage to just pull my dick out in front of a girl. But I know cats that were doing it. all the time. But when it does work,

you're like, holy shit, I gotta figure out what the rhythm is here. right, what's the beats? What are the beats? Is it a movie first?

Is it a... Because there's some times where it can work and you're like, what? the beats? What are the beats? Is it a movie first? Because there's some times where it can work, and you're like, what? How is that possible? But then other times where you'd pull your dick out and the girl would be like, what the fuck? You're like, I'm sorry. Jesus, what did I do? Jesus. You can't bat baseball averages with your neck pull-out game.

Not only that, it's a low average, too. It's a low average. It's a low average. But if you get crazy and hit that one out of 100, it was worth it. It was worth it until today, man. All those 99 are coming out. Yes.

And if you have a freak girlfriend, like when you're in high school or something like that, and it just ruins your perception. You know what else fucks a lot of dudes up? The strip club. They hang out there. So they have this false reality of what, you know, a woman is. So then when they go out and just try to talk to a regular woman, they're like, well, you

got to get to know me first. Like, fuck you, bitch. They don't even know how to. There's a little bit of that. But there's also, you're just getting used to dealing with freaks. Yeah. You're dealing with freaks all the time. They have a different, different parameters.

It's not like the lady in the office that handles accounting. You can't put your dick out on her. No. But that is nice when you meet a woman who has agency over her body and knows what she likes. That could fuck you up when you go and you're dealing with somebody that's not that free. Yes. Yeah. That could be, that's a problem where girls just, they're not the right word right they're not just relaxed enough

or comfortable enough in their own skin or know what they like and just can tell you and you're like yeah yeah yeah and that's when you have to decide if you really like her because if you do like focus on her and and bring that out of her and you don't like her it's gonna be hard to get out of that yeah that's a problem yeah I dated a girl once a long time ago like way back in the day I was in my 20s and I loved having sex with her but I hated hanging out with her

I know man it's that it's that how'd you try to like ghost her when you were she got mad at me that's what they always did

they always wound up getting mad at me they just get mad at you. You're not doing what they want you to do. You're not marrying them. You're not this. You're not that. You're not.

Oh, man. But isn't that crazy? Don't think about that. You got what you wanted. And then you had to sit through that moment of her being upset with you. You knew it was coming. But you already got what you wanted. You see what I'm saying?

Well, part of her behavior was like a game to try to get me in yeah you know like part of her freak shit yeah was just like she knew that that's what i wanted from her you know so she would just act like the freakiest like i'll suck your dick right now yeah me too yeah like we're in the movie theater i'll suck your dick right whoa jesus right you know you're like i didn't know i was on the menu but i'll take it and then when you go, all right, I'm good. Yeah. What? How could you?

I sucked your dick in that theater. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Like some part of like that behavior is like they know that other girls don't behave like that. Yeah. So if they just turn this shit up to nine, like, whoa.

It's dope. And then you think about them all the time and then it gets exciting. Then after she's mad at you, then that's when I would date her. No dick sucks in the movie. Angry. Angry. Fuck you, Owen. She don't even like movies.

I don't like movies. How come you don't like, who doesn't like movies? Yeah, a friend of mine was talking to me about this, about like a girl that has been like real open about all the different guys

she fucked and now she's gonna settle down. But I was promiscuous in the past and I'm not doing that anymore. And the guy's like, what? I hate that. I hate those new virgins. When a guy hears that, you're like, wait a minute, fucked and all that and now she's gonna settle down but i was promiscuous in the past right and i'm not doing that anymore and the guy's like what when a guy hears that you're like wait a minute wait a minute i missed it i missed yeah i missed the war borealis it's the worst yes i could have been here in april i would have saw the lights in the sky yes it's yeah i hate born again virgins i get it though i ain't doing it no more till I get married it's like you got you got two kids

like you have you used to fuck it's my turn it's my turn you know what I had to do to get in this seat but you gotta just let people be who they are man when you see that the thing is like this is what men do and also what women do we try to change the person we're with like oh this dude doesn't dress good but if I just get him the right clothes and just teach him how to groom his hair and get him to wear more stylish things, they'll just start to change you. Then you start looking better. Confidence gets up.

You're like, why am I with you? I want to get with her now. I had a buddy of mine who would get girls and get them to go on a diet. He would date cute girls that were a little chubby and then he would take them to the gym. Added value. I was like, them to the gym. Added value. And I was like, what are you doing?

Added value. He's like, no, this way they really like you. You get them, and then you can make them hot. That's a lot of work, man. It's chaos. You can't. I mean, it might work, but it's like the whip the dick out thing. One out of 100, it's going to work.

One out of 100, yeah. The other girl's going to be hiding candy. Like, how come you're not losing any weight? I don't know. I'm doing everything you said. You're doing it wrong. Right. Or the dude.

You know, a girl takes a chubby dude and brings him to the gym all the time. You can't make a chubby dude like a fitness freak. No. It's like people are who they are. They are who they are. They are who they are, man. But I am trying to lose some weight. Are you?

I'm trying intermittent fasting. I do that. You mess with that? Yeah, I do that every night. Oh, word? Yeah. Well, except on vacation. I gained five pounds. Even though I worked out every day on vacation, I worked out every day, but I drank and ate everything. I gained

five pounds in a week. That's crazy. It's crazy. That's crazy. Wow, yeah. I just went off, though. How many hours do you go? What are you, 18? 14. 14? Yeah. That's probably what I'm doing. I think. Yeah. I do a 10 PM at night, you know, I'll do 10 PM at night and then, um, or 8 PM at night rather. And then 10 AM in the morning. Oh, so it's not bad. So I'm done eating, uh, everything, no more food after 8 PM at night. And then, uh, 10, 10 AM in the morning, I started eating. Oh, that's dope. It's easy. All right. Yeah. It the morning I start eating oh that's dope it's easy all right

yeah it's just you know what man it's like that feeling when you come home from the store though and you're like damn I like to eat something yes you know but you just got to pass that up you know well you know what else I got to pass up having something to drink at night like glass of water something like that because it's always like four in the morning yeah god damn it yeah not getting that good sleep yeah get up you gotta up, you got to piss, you go back to bed again. But a couple nights I've been fucking good and disciplined where after a certain time, no liquids and I sleep like a baby all through the night. You wake up and you feel like you did something.

Yeah. Another thing I do now is I work out in the morning. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I work out in the morning before I eat. I think I figured it out, Joe. I think I figured out how I'm going to do it. How are you going to do it? I try to burn. I started wearing figured it out, Joe. I think I figured out how I'm going to do it. How are you going to do it? I try to burn.

I started wearing a heart rate monitor finally. Oh. And I try to burn 1,000 calories in my workout. That's what I try to get to. That's a lot. That's a lot. And so, but if I can get to the 1,000, then if I try to, if I eat 1,800 calories that whole day, then that 800.

For sure. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's what I'm trying. I'm on day three. Day three. Do you follow a specific type of diet? Are you eating specific foods?

Well, I mean, I try to be more on the plant-based tip, but I'm not a vegan because I wear leather and all that stuff. I think vegan is like... I love what it represents, but I think their marketing, that's not the best word. People are running from that term. So I just like. Well, people are running from cunts. There's a lot of people that are vegan that are just cunts. I had C.T. Fletcher on yesterday.

And you know who he is? The famous power lifter, very motivational guy. Oh, the black dude, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was saying that he doesn't even say he's vegan anymore because people are

so goddamn militant. He's like, I'm not doing this for the animals. I'm doing this shit for my health. Right. But if you say that,

people got mad at him. So he's like, I just say I eat vegan most of the time. Yeah. Most of the time. Yeah. Same.

That's what he says. I get it. But the vegans that are good people that are just doing it because they care and they're kind, they get a bum rap because of all the psychos.

And those psychos almost always have like vegan in their name. Like vegan warrior. Like vegan earth goddess. Yeah, if it's vegan first. But you know what's funny? If vegan is last, they tend to be cooler. Like this thing. It's like I'm this person and then vegan.

Like my man EpiVegan, he loves your show. EpiVegan? EpiVegan. I'm going to do a segment when he comes to town. And I like that cat. He's cool. I like a lot of vegans. Yeah.

But I mock them like I mock myself. I mock myself. How the fuck am I not going to mock you? My wife isn't vegan. I try to, but she'll eat stuff that I make. And sometimes she'll placate me. I did. I took a huge loss on Thanksgiving, though.

I made two pies i like to cook and stuff so i made two uh sweet potato pies yeah one with milk and butter and all the stuff that you had growing up boom and i did that and then i made one vegan one just to see what would uh what people would like and man it was just one slice taken out of the vegan pie. One sad slice. And everybody was like, man, come on. But they tore the other pie up. Of course.

So I had to take the whole dumb pie home. I had to wrap it up and take it back home. It's still in the fridge. What's in the vegan one? So instead of eggs, you uh flaxseed eggs so your pie got freckles in it i know i don't want no freckles in my goddamn pie but but then it's everything else it's the same it's the same uh and instead of um using half and half you use like um you use uh it'll be like almond milk mixed with like coconut milk. That's all right. And then you do, but the same, all sugar, flour, all that's the same.

No eggs. No eggs. No eggs. But eggs, you can't taste eggs when you eat them. Eggs is a binding agent. It just holds it together. When I was in Hawaii last week, we made gnocchi. What's that?

We took a class. It's a potato pasta. They were talking about that at the store. I've never had that. Oh, it's delicious. Is that good? Yeah, it's good. Who makes good gnocchi though? Because everyone's eye contact diverts.

Like I was like, who makes good gnocchi? They're like, man, I don't, you out here. So I was like, you talk, I want, I want to taste it. Like, what is this? It's just a, it's an Italian food. You just got to go to a good Italian restaurant. And they make the gnocchi. Yeah, yeah.

All right. Yeah, just find a good Italian place that has pasta. They'll have gnocchi, most likely. Yeah. And it's not spelled N-O-K-I. It's a G. There's a G in front of it. There's a G in there.

I've always, when you open a menu and, you know, it's like, you know, I'm fucking with that. Like, I wouldn't even. It's too risky. If they have, like, lamb chops and gnocchi, like, it's not going to, like, suck. And then my meal is trashed. Right. It's probably been sitting there my whole life going to fancy Italian restaurants and just never.

It's an interesting pasta because it's a pasta made with, like, they make it with potatoes. Okay. They boil potatoes and they smash them down. and then they get it to a certain consistency. They cool it off, and then they add a certain amount of flour. We did the whole thing. We chopped it up. We pressed it into—you roll it. You roll the flour out into a little tube, and then you cut little sections of it.

You make gnocchi with the sections. And do you have to then—do you bake that, or do you— Yeah, they boil it. They boil it bake that? Yeah, they boil it. They boil it? Okay. They boil it. I think. I didn't watch them do it.

I'm pretty sure they boil it, though. Make a little sauce and then red sauce. We had a bunch of different sauces. The chef cooked it with three different sauces. He cooked it with a bolognese sauce. He cooked it with a cheese sauce with walnuts. Like a walnut. I forget what kind of cheese. And then there was another one.nuts. Right. Like a walnut. I forget what kind of cheese.

And then there was another one. One other sauce. A pesto. Ah, I love. I make fresh pesto. Yeah, it was good, man. Yeah. It was really good.

Yeah, man. I just, I think if you just cut out bread and cut out pasta, those are the two big ones. Just cut that shit out of your diet. You just sold me a gnocchi pasta, though. Yeah, but that's potato pasta. So that's different. Different die. No key pasta. Yeah, but that's potato pasta. So that's different different Yeah, God, it's not as good for you as like some things but I don't think it's nearly as bad for you as green I think green is just the terrible have you gotten through I haven't gotten through that dudes book

We belly yeah, we belly no haven't but I watched a documentary on the plane Come coming back from Hawaii about wheat. Let me see what the fucking name of it is. But it was a trip. And it was all talking about the Roundup chemicals that they spray. Ah, there it is. And they were talking about how people say, well, it only affects bacteria. And they were saying, yeah, but you have bacteria in your fucking gut.

Right. Yeah, what's with wheat? That's the name of the documentary and it's it's not good i tried watching it that dude was talking i was just i couldn't i was all right man i was falling asleep droning on yeah that's the problem with all those academics yeah like to be the type of person that could sit down do that kind of research right painstaking you're not consuming research you're boring as you not interesting. But you need those people, man. Right.

Those people are the only ones that are going to do it. You're not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. No. I know. You need those people doing tests. Yeah. And then just explaining to you the dangers of complex glutens.

Group. Yeah, man. So, yeah, that's my goal. So, I'll check back in with you in like six weeks. See if I need to. Three days in. Feeling strong, though, right? I'm talking about it publicly. I'm usually weeks, see if I'm where I need to be. Three days in, feeling strong though, right? I'm talking about it publicly.

I'm usually really private about what I'm doing. I think talking about it publicly is important. Hey, man, once you get over 40, I feel like you can eat whatever you want until you're 40. Because you only get one intestine. So then you have to start, your body loses enzymes that will break it down as vigorously. Because I have a son now, and I watch my son. My son can eat anything. Right.

And his energy is high, you know, and all of that. But when you get older, you lose some of those enzymes. I feel like enzymes are like government workers. Like, you eat a steak, they're like, who's going to get that? I've been getting that shit for 40 years. Anybody, somebody has to come get that. And so then it sits for 40 years. Anybody, somebody else going to come get that? And so then it sits and it sits. Plus your son's growing.

My son's growing. A little furnace. A little furnace for calories. Just burning them off. So dope. He's starting to speak sign language now. Like just little things. You know, he knows more.

We give him some food and we taught him more. And he just looked at us like we were silly. And then like a couple hours later, he's come on bring it you told me this it's not working i'm doing it well in the beginning they say sign language is a really good thing to teach kids because they can't really formulate the words yet the mouth that's why they get frustrated and they start crying because they can't tell you what they want but they know what they want it's amazing they don't know a language yet yeah it's interesting. And he's a huge Prince fan. I love playing records.

And so my wife got me a dope record player for Christmas. And we play Prince's Purple Rain on there. And if I play anything else, he just wants Prince right now. Really? And I'll go, you want to hear some music with dinner? And he'll run to the record player, and he'll start trying to. How old is he? He's 14 months.

Wow. Yeah, and so he understands things. I'll be like, get the ball, and he'll get it, and then we'll play. But I could see him wanting to say it. Occasionally, he'll sit and just start mocking me. I'll say, get the ball. He'll be like, bah. I could see him trying to just.

Fuck with you? Yeah, fuck with me. I literally just start saying, trying to say what I just said in the same rhythm. Wait till he starts talking to you. That's when it gets real weird. I can't wait, man. I have a little conversations with my kids. Yeah.

And just while I'm talking to them, I'm talking to them about what we're talking about. But most of my brain is like, I can't believe you can talk. Yeah, I know. I can't believe you're a person. And you're a seven-year-old person. We're exploring the world together. We're talking about stuff. My kids are way too aggressive with me physically, though.

Especially my littlest one. Boy. My seven-year-old. All girls, man. My seven-year-old,, man. My seven year old, she fucking tackles me all the time. Just full on charge

like I'm indestructible. She takes MMA so she will slam into me, grab a single leg, throw her shoulder into me. If I plop down on the bed, she gets on top of me. She drops on top of me

on the mount. She'll start punching my stomach. She thinks it's hilarious because I'm like a toy. She feels like she could just beat on me because i can just carry her i pick her up all the time i put her on my shoulders she's like this motherfucker could just carry me i can't even can't even hurt him right wail on him that's so funny it's hilarious man she's so aggressive man i want my son to know how to do all that stuff oh yeah get him involved early then it'll be it'll be a normal part of life.

So that way, like bullies and conflict, it won't bother them because they know how to fight. Yeah, I had to make bullies laugh. But you're a big dude. Big dude, yeah. But I got a short torso. So, like, I look 5'8 sitting down. I grew up in Maryland, so I used to, you know, we had public transit and stuff. So whenever I would be on public transit, I would always see the dudes like, yo, we got one.

And then I would have to stand up. They were like, oh, never mind. But yeah, my height saved me a lot. And then being funny helped me a lot too. Yeah. Being funny is the good ones. Like, oh, this guy's not trying to be dominant. He just wants to be the silly dude.

Okay, we like you. You know what I used to do, too, though? I only told Colin Quinn this story. When I grew up in these apartments, Pembroke Apartments in Prince George's County, Maryland, there was this one bully who would steal people's bikes and shit, and he would start fights and whatever. And so I played sports. So one of my trophies broke and my mom took me to some place to fix it

and I did not know that there was a place that existed where you, I just thought trophies appeared. You know what I mean? As a kid, you just get a trophy. So when I saw this was the spot, what I used to do is I would save up my allowance and I would go to the trophy spot and buy like a karate trophy.

And just walk around the neighborhood just long enough for this one dude to see me who I knew would be like the town crier. And I would always act embarrassed about it like, oh, what's that, young? And that's how we talk. We say young and stuff. My mother got me taking karate and shit.

Oh, you want karate? You nice like that? Yeah, man, but don't tell nobody, man. I ain't going to say shit. And then I was like, and so then, and then like, you know, a couple of months ago, I go by and buy a little bigotry.

That's hilarious. And dude never messed with me. He never messed. Thank God. Thank God no one was like, oh, I can fight. But you know what I'm saying? But it was like,

the word got out enough because nobody knew karate. You know what I'm saying but it was like the word got out enough because nobody knew you know i'm saying like if you heard a dude did karate that was enough like you didn't want to get embarrassed so right it gave me like free passage to do that's hilarious just to be be my corny self be out you know that's a very clever way of handling it that's what i did i when i saw that store, I was like. And the pieces, they were like five bucks, seven bucks, three bucks. And I would go and put it on.

So I was acting at an early age. There's all that shit. That's lit. Just planning. I said, I know where he's going to be. As soon as he saw me, I'd go back in the house. I didn't want like a big, you know what I mean? That's very clever.

Like psychologically, you knew the right guy that couldn't keep his mouth shut yeah yeah yeah so it was always that guy you know who that guy is yeah and he and he was so funny too because um i bet he works for tmz now probably if he if if he got out if he got out right because that was in our neighborhood it was people were afraid to dream out loud. You know what I mean? Like, I wanted to be a comedian since I was nine, but I didn't tell nobody. Because I saw somebody else say, I want to be whatever. Man, you ain't going to do that.

You know what I'm saying? Right. Isn't that funny how people want to squash dreams? Yeah, because it's their fear. But you don't realize that until you're older. Right. It's their fear that they're pushing on you. And so in their own way, they think they're helping you.

Right. Giving you a dose of reality. Yeah. And you grew up in Boston, so you had this too. A lot of people yell at you helpful shit. You know what I mean? It's like a yelling community. Like, don't do that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So I always had people always always yet I watched the street you know like they would be like really emotionally charged like you know as opposed to hey man it was never calm everything was you always yelled that was like a yeah a lot of yelling you know where I found it the weirdest is I worked as a limo driver once and there was this guy that worked in the dispatch. And this guy was just like a real bitter dude.

And he wasn't that much older than me. I was 21, and he was probably like 26 or 27, but he had given up. And he was the dispatch guy. And I worked all day. I had an eight-hour shift. And then after I did the eight hour shift i'm like hey man i gotta go i got a show tonight yeah and he's like a lot of guys here work 12 hours a day i go that's great yeah i go but i did my eight hours i'm going yeah and like well we need some airport

pickups i'm like i did eight hours i go i'm not working more than eight hours a day for you guys like this is like a part-time job i work eight hours a day i'm gone this motherfucker called the place where i was supposed to be performing to find out if I was there. And something happened and I got switched to another place. Like the booking agent said, hey, why don't you work at this place instead? And so I went in to work the next day. He's like, yeah.

He goes, you weren't at that fucking place you said you were last night. I go, I was like, first of all, dude, I'm done working. I'm done. I go, second of all, they switched me. The booking agent said, call this other place. I go, call the other place. I'm done. I go, second of all, they switched me. The booking agents, call this other place. I go, call the other place. I'll wait. And we're just looking at each other.

I'm like, this guy just doesn't want dreams. He's like, yeah, you're out there doing comedy. You could be making me real money here. Real money. How dare you not see this as the thing. They were pointing to this one dude. There was this old dude who worked there. And I remember he was this big fat guy who had a Cadillac.

And that was the thing they were saying. You know, John over here, he works, he doesn't bust his ass. He works about 60 hours a week. And he's got a beautiful Cadillac. And he had this Cadillac. And he's just sitting there. And everybody's like, wow, John's got a Cadillac. He was like probably in his like late 40s.

Fat dude. Just could tell you where the best veal scallop He is just where the food is because he just sat in his car all day driving around Yeah, and then I remember thinking like this poor fuck like John makes about sixty thousand dollars a year He doesn't have to bust his ass. Yeah, it's a good living and they point to him look at his Cadillac We were always like this is prison. This guy's working 16 hours a day Like what the fuck is going on here man you can't live like that yeah yeah damn man you got you got to dream bigger than that one of my boys he he's doing really well he could always sing so I think we used to always have little singing groups and uh and we have this it's a local music called go-go music.

Go-go music? Yeah. It's like a lot of percussion and horns. Local as to where? It's really local in the D.C., Maryland, Virginia area. But you've heard go-go. Like, it's splashed. It has some national hits, like Doing the Butt is a go-go song.

Doing the butt. Yeah, by Experience Unlimited, EU. Yeah, yeah. some national hits like doing the butt is a gogo song doing my experience unlimited eu yeah yeah yeah all night long yeah that so in the 70s uh there used to be music programs in all the schools so all these cats were coming out learning learning, like, instrumentation, composition, like, all this stuff. But, like, in our era, they cut that. So, but go-go bands, they still played, like, live music. So we would all try to form go-go groups, but we couldn't read music. So we would be like, your part is boop-baka-baka-boop-boop. We would talk to each other. You on the horn, you play bum-bum.

We didn't know notes or anything. We would always, like, try to do that. Or we would be in a little singing group or something like that and one cat could sing so well and i just remember when my mom we moved away uh when i was 13 i remember hoping that he would keep singing years later i'm asleep on my couch man and i love music video so i had it playing and i heard a familiar voice and i wake up it was him Wow I started crying on my couch yeah he's fantastic and he got nominated for a Grammy two years ago Wow yeah yeah what's his name his name's boo black boo his name's Alfred Antonio Duncan he went uh

he called black boo that's what he calls himself he and he calls himself black boo uh professional i mean we were next we were he was like my brother growing up like i'm my only child but he uh his real name is alfred but he so this is how we met like probably i don't know how old i was but it was knocking my door saturday morning cartoons that's him that's yeah and so then uh mambo is the name of a go-go band he was in. And they have a hit song called Welcome to D.C. that I saw on the video channel. And it plays all the time, like in the Redskins, you know, with the Redskins play and with the Washington Wizards play. He's dope.

and with a Washington Wizards play, he's dope. And he just went viral for marrying his wife, like he proposed to his girlfriend and then married her the same day. What did you say, Jay? Something else that just happened that went viral. Oh, nah. But this is how we met. I remember he knocked on my door and my mom answered it. And he was like, how you doing?

My name is Boo. He said, my mother want to know if you got a cup of milk we could borrow. And my mom was like, okay, yeah, we got a cup of milk. My mom went to get some milk. And she goes, this is my son Owen. I go, hey. I go, why they call you Boo? He said, because they said when I was born, I was so black that I looked like the sound a ghost makes.

So that was his name, Boo. So then my mom gives him a cup of milk, and then he walked back carefully with it 15 minutes later. How you doing, Ms. Smith? My mother wouldn't know if you got a half a cup of sugar she could borrow. Yeah, I got a half a cup of sugar. Came back. How you doing, Ms. Smith? My mother, 15 minutes later.

How you doing, Ms. Smith? My mother wouldn't know if you got one egg she could borrow. You sure you don't need two? No, just one egg. So my mom gave him. I'm going to give you two just in case. So then he left, came back. How you doing, Miss Smith?

My mother wouldn't know if you got a quarter cup of oil, Chickabaw. Jesus. Real talk. My mom gives him a cup of oil, comes back 15 minutes later. No. How you doing, Miss Smith? My mother wouldn't know if you want to come over for pancakes. know if you want to come over for pancakes he was my friend he was became my best friend like just like that and my mom was like does she need syrup and you can hear his mom go i had that you know

that's funny that's how we met and that was kind of like indicative of the apartment complex like looking back at it it was like basically all single moms in that apartment complex. And so all raising young boys and we would all go outside and play and give each other bad information and try to finger pop girls or whatever, whatever, try to do backflip, whatever it was.

And so that was a, it was just a great time in my life because I was born in the Bahamas. And then when my mom left my dad at nine months, she moved to D.C. for like a year and then to Pembroke Apartments. So I was in Pembroke Apartments from there until like 13 or 14. Where'd you start doing comedy? I started doing comedy in Maryland, man.

At the Greenbelt comedy connection. Outside was a huge picture of Martin Lawrence and Dave Chappelle was just bubbling, starting to like pop. And I actually saw Chappelle bomb in there. And this isn't, I hope this isn't a negative story. It was fantastic how it happened. He went up and he was doing his stuff and it was a black

crowd at the time. You know, he was young, man. We were the same age. So at the time, we were both 19. And he was like, just trying to figure it out. And I thought he was great, but somebody was like, boo. And they just started, just a collective boo. He was like, fuck y'all, I'm gonna be famous.

I'm gonna be famous. Like he literally was saying that. Then he walked off stage and he sat right next to where I was. And you know that just bomb energy. He was just like, he ain't going to look at nobody. And I was just like, man. And I'd never seen anything like that happen. And this guy named Tony Woods went up after him. I know Tony.

And so then Woodsy goes up. And Woodsy goes, man man that was great standing ovation right then they walk off they walk out together getting the same car and drive off i was like oh my god that was incredible like just seeing that happen yeah and uh and then and that's i started in that environment where i learned how to perform first right I had no substance I just knew how to I was trying not to get booed so I wasn't talking about shit I was just man you it's just a very entertaining just an entertaining uh uh performer but everyone in that environment was so nurturing like when you got off stage other comments like yo that's funny first slow down

say this you know and it was like a it was like a weird i don't know i never had like other like black men be that like excited about something that wasn't sports or women you know what i mean like right right and be that encouraging like yo man you funny And so I was like, I'm home. This is, you know, and it was a guy I went to eighth grade with, a cat named Mike Brooks. He's like the mayor of D.C. comedy wise. He had been doing it a year longer than me and took me around all the spots. So my goal that summer was to just get paid because I believe if you got paid, I'm a professional. Right. believe if you got paid i'm a professional right so at the end of the summer this guy named pops gave me a crumpled up 25 to perform in front of like six people in this big place in the green the comedy connection of laurel and uh after that you couldn't tell me nothing because

we had performed in it's a lot of spots called cabarets where the audience is not facing you so you're on stage and they're at long tables, eating crabs and stuff, and they have to careen their next batter, like look at you. And if I would get like a laugh or something, I was like, oh, okay, I'm doing it. And we would do crazy stuff.

Like a headliner would like go short and we would go up after a headliner and eat it because he just had him he was the headliner but for some reason he had an issue we would go up next i heard a headliner do that burt kreisch was telling me about that where he would go on after the headliner yeah because the headliner didn't want to do the drop check spot yeah so he would he would go up someone would go up and do like 10 minutes yeah the headliner would go up do an hour yeah and then burt would go up. Someone would go up and do like 10 minutes. The headliner would go up, do an hour. And then Burt would go up and close the show. Yeah, Mike Brooks was amazing.

What in the fuck kind of shit is that? I know. Yeah, one time, this is when I took another sweet L. It was that same summer. We were at one spot. And then Mike said, hey, man, let's go to Comedy Connection. Chris Thomas is coming down

early or something we gonna close it out I was like alright I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that and I get up there Chris Thomas is killing

he was the mayor of Rap City he used to do this move and he does like a lot of impressions and he was the crowd is literally like crying

still I'm gonna go I'm gonna think I'm going to think I'm going to kill it. I don't know what's about to happen. And Mike, and I had to go first. That was the other thing. He set me up like, yeah, you go up. Then I'm going to go up. So I basically had to take

like what was coming. So Chris leaves. And it was no ill will or nothing. He literally had to go do something. So then they introduced me. I come out there. This is when I used to wear slacks and shirt was tucked in. I just smell like a college kid.

Like, you know, I was like, what's up, y'all? What's up? Everybody's like, and the checks are dropping. I didn't understand what that was. People are looking at their bill. Man, the Power Rangers are crazy.

Like, I ain't like, the Power Rangers are crazy. I ain't like, I'm talking about sweat, you know, the flat, all terrible, terrible.

I race off stage and then, I don't think I got booed, but it was just silence. It was just no laughs. And then, but Mike, he used to do this trick where he would pad his intro with shit he never did.

You seen him on the Martin Lawrence show. You seen him opening for Sinbad. You seen him on Def Jam. I was like, you ain't do all that? And he was like, you got to figure it till you make it, Jordan. And then he went out and he did okay. And then I just learned a lot of lessons in that era, you know, like how to keep going. That gift of shit ain't working, you know, just keep going.

And I really had so much confidence because I feel like that area was some of the toughest environments to get laughs. So then I went to the Midwest. I went to school in Notre Dame. I was like, this ain't shit. People are friendly. Yeah. This is going gonna be so easy to make you know to be and so I started a comedy a funny bone opened up in South Bend I became like

the house emcee there and I would watch the national headliners come through and oh that helps right tremendously and that's when I learned substance like I was like okay I gotta I gotta have something to say isn't it interesting too when you, if you would work at a place like that, I remember that how it was in Boston, uh, when I was first starting out, if I was lucky, I'd get like a hosting gig and I would get you to see the quality of some people's material versus others. And like, you would see a guy coming in as a headliner and you're like, this is a headliner. It was just like barely adequate, just barely.

And you'd watch them all weekend and you're like, this is a headliner it was just like barely adequate just barely and you'd watch them all weekend yeah and you're like this is a whack show and then the next week it'd be bill hicks or something you go oh fuck yeah yeah next level yeah it's like oh jesus yeah like you realize like it's the quality of your thinking yes that people like people people are chiming they're they're they're tuning in to what you're saying in some sort of a weird way that hasn't totally been defined yet. Yeah, yeah. You know, and when someone is up there and they just got some great material, they got great shit,

it's like it puts a smile on your face, like it gets your brain lights up, like, ah, I like where he's going with this. Yes, I love that. I was like, oh, I didn't know you could do that with comedy. I didn't know you could do that with the art form. It is, it is like a, it's such a personal thing for me,

like when I see somebody abusing it, I do get it like, ah. But now that I'm a little older i just go i it doesn't affect me like it used to yeah i know what you mean yeah when i first started out i get offended yeah angry yeah yeah i'm like whatever yeah i think it's just you you realize like what's a waste of energy like it's good to use, use that on yourself. Like to look at your own material and go, ah,

why the fuck am I doing this? Ah, fix this. That's going to benefit you. But doing it to other people, it's just a waste. Such a waste. But yeah,

I spent some of my early twenties doing that. Like, oh yeah. Like I was telling you before we started, um, when you talk about Australia, Franklin Ajay was, cause I used to,

he said he lived there for a while. He lived there. And I asked him, I go, why'd you move to Australia? He said,ay was, because I used to. So he lived there for a while? He lived there. And I asked him, I go, why'd you move to Australia? He said, no guns, no gangs, no God. That's what he said. Oh, wow. But he said the money wasn't on part of what he could be making back in the States. So that's why he came back.

How long did he live there for? Several years. But I don't know. What year was this? That he was there? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

I remember I saw him. But after he made it in America. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then he was there? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I remember I saw him back in the 2000s. But after he made it in America. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he just went over there. But I remember the first comedy album I heard of his is a picture of him. I can't think of what the name of it is, but I was listening to it because I was in Oklahoma. I can't remember the other comic I was with. And at that time, I used to go to flea markets to buy albums.

And we listened to it at his spot and we smoked some weed and we were listening to it. And I was like, he's high. Like you can tell he's high on this album. I was like, I didn't know you could do that. Like that's crazy. He is so high. Not that one. Not that one.

I'm a comedian, seriously. Yeah, this dude. But he was the first comedian. The one up there with the shirt off. That's the album we listened to. Yeah. That album right there. Yeah.

What does it say? Don't smoke dope, fry your hair. Yeah. What? It's funny, man. Don't smoke dope, fry your hair. What a strange name for an album

it's weird yeah but you could tell he was high he was a funny dude funny dude I remember that bit he did about the Olympics he was on like

one of those it was a young comedian special I think is that what it was yeah and he did that he goes watch the Olympics watch the dude

comes in last why did I train for this I trained for four years and he goes and then reality starts to say man I don't even have a fucking job I could have not trained it still came in last

he was the first black comedian I heard who didn't grow up his shtick wasn't I grew up poor he was like middle class he went to law school and he just talked about it. I go, oh, you can talk about that? Because when I first started, a lot of comedians taking the stage,

they all felt like they had to fit into this. It was a thing that just happened. But then when you talk to them offstage, it's like, you're way more interesting offstage. Why don't you talk about that? Can you talk about that? Do you think it was because they felt like they had to fit the mold of the popular comedians? I think so. People wanted a you think it was because they felt like they had to fit the mold of the popular comedians like i think so people wanted a certain kind of comedian and

they felt like oh i got to talk about the shit that people want to hear i think that's how you make it i think so and then if you do if you stay in it long enough you start to just go because for a time i had a act for a black room and an act for a white room and it just got exhausting i used to be physical and i was like oh my knees man i don't even stand here and talk to these people like you just kind of become what you you know already were that's why those people that work those alt rooms get in real trouble when they come to a real comedy club you see that yeah man it's fantastic i've seen some people in alt rooms go to the store and follow joey diaz and it is

horrendous yeah it's horrendous yeah because they're just used to like witty references and like you know a clever subject matter it's yes and comedy it's like people are so supportive very supportive and which is nice this is nice to have that but it but but they're also like timid audiences too right like if joey diaz went there they'd be yeah they'd be like what the fuck yeah why are you bringing the outside world yeah we like our little bubble but uh i i they had an alt scene man i i like the fact that they were like i can't get any heat over here so i'm gonna go create this over here yeah but once it started like taking off i i did i didn't like the day where

it became a it was us against them yeah i was like yo we all trying yeah there was a lot of shitting on people that try too hard yeah i was like what he's acting out things and moving around oh you mean he's selling a joke right it's being funny like you don't want that i get it that's kind of what people like yeah yeah people get weird about like what they're doing like you don't want that i get it that's kind of what people like yeah yeah people get weird about like what they're doing like you should only do what i'm doing that's a it's more like we're talking it's a waste of energy it's a waste of energy i don't why why why do you care did you were talking about tony woods tony woods i i met tony way back in new york in like 92 or some shit like that he was fucking funny, man. Still is.

I'm sure he is. But there's a few dudes like him and even Franklin Ajayi. Most people don't know who Franklin Ajayi is. How does that... Car wash. Yeah, but how'd that guy not...

Who takes off and who doesn't? How's that work? I'm trying to figure that out, brother. I don't know. I don't know his whole story, man. I know for a lot of comedians who are mad funny, usually marriage or divorce is where they get some. Divorce usually. Gets them.

Takes the happy away. Yeah. You got to pay someone who's fucking some other dude. You got to keep sending them checks every month. You got to act. You got to pay. mother dude you gotta keep sending checks every month you gotta act you gotta oh you get to see your your ex-wife and you pick up your kid kids like mom says you're a loser what yeah yeah what the fuck mom says you ruined everything yeah mom says you can't pay your bills what mom says you

need to get a regular job and stop chasing your dream what yeah all that shit right there divorce will fuck you up i think if you marry the right person you can it can make you better like yeah that's what's happening with me my wife i like my wife so yeah that's a nice thing it's important yeah yeah i like mine too yeah i think that helps yeah you could it definitely can make you like more stable more comfortable and you learn more about yourself when you're like totally intimate with a person yeah man you know someone really knows you learn more about yourself when you're like totally intimate with a person.

Yeah, man. You know, someone really knows you. Yeah. I want to thank you for the, the compliments you gave me. Somebody,

I had my wife listen to it first. Cause someone said, I, did you mention me? And I'm always nervous when I, I was like, I don't know what Joe said. And so,

um, my wife said, baby, listen to us. So we listened to it. And I was like, Oh, that's dope. And I said, Oh, he said top 20, baby. And my wife goes, baby, listen to it. So we listened to it. And I was like, oh, that's dope.

And I said, oh, he said top 20, baby. And my wife goes, you knew that already. And I was like, ah, I didn't know that. You are though, man. But I can't say it. I can't say it. I said, I think you're one of the top 20 guys in the world. Thank you, man.

That makes me feel good. That makes it. It's so funny, man. makes it it's so funny man so so many i'm doing i'm going to be doing like my some some things that i've always wanted to do years ago but i didn't know to ask for it right that was the thing i always thought that people would see your work right hey but what happened with you i think is you started working as a writer yeah that's when they get you they give you a job and then you think like this is what i do now but that job there's there's a there's no free ride like to get that money for that job is nice and it gives you

stability but it takes away from the potential earning of your stand-up and then the dude that you started out with they're balling out of control they're selling out places and people don't know who you are and that to me is crazy when i see you on stage i'm like this guy is a world-class headliner like everybody should know owen smith yeah you know and so it just drives me nuts we're working on it man i know we're working on it yeah and i've been trying with ian edwards too exact story as you. Same exact story. Yeah. I remember when he had long dreads. Yes, I remember the dreads.

I love his. His, what I was just describing, his is documented on camera. Like, Ian used to yell at the audience. Like, you know, what was his bit on Def Jam? He used to be mad at AT&T, son. Like, that's how they get you. Like, he used to be like yelling, they get you son. Like, that's how they get you. Like, he used to be, like, yelling, they get you, and then I'm not falling for it. Like, he was like, and I was like, oh.

And then when he cut his dreads, he was, like, more centered, more zen, just standing there talking. I was like. Well, then he became vegan, and now he falls asleep constantly, so he has no energy. No energy. When I get on the plane with him, I always take pictures of him. I have, like, 10 pictures on my phone of Ian out cold. Passed out. He gets on the plane with him, I just take pictures of him. I have like 10 pictures on my phone of Ian out cold. Passed out. He gets on the plane.

As soon as he sits down, he's like. Like instantly. I'm like, I got this motherfucker. That's hilarious. I can like write his face and take pictures of him. That's hilarious. And then I send them to him with a bunch of Z's on it. That's funny.

I do that too, though, man. I trained myself to go to sleep on a plane. Yeah? Yeah. It's just kind of a thing. Like when I'm on a plane, I just make myself go to sleep. I don't know where I got it from. It's a good move.

Yeah. It'll definitely make flying easier. If you can get really comfortable with just falling on, you know, like, especially those six-hour across-the-country flights. Yeah, I'm out. Just conk out. I'm out. Wake up.

You feel refreshed. Yeah, I'm about to take the first move with my son now that he can walk now. So, I won't be able to sleep. I know he's going to be that kid. Oh, yeah. He's going to be that kid. Yeah. Run up and down the aisles.

Getting mad if you try to hold on to him. I kind of look forward to it, though. But I'm like, ah, yeah. It's sad when they get earaches and they start crying and then you can't do anything about them. Yeah. I mean, you can't help them. You can't. There's nothing you can tell them.

Yeah. Give them, like, sometimes things to chew helps. Okay, that's good to know. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you can't help them. You can't, like, there's nothing you can tell them. Yeah. Give them, like, sometimes things to chew helps. Okay, that's good to know. Okay. Yeah. Sometimes, like, gummy bears or something that they have to chew, it'll help pop their ears open. I got my kid these vitamin gummy bears.

They're gummy bears, but they're made out of essential fatty acids. They have vitamins in them. And you can chew it. That's my son. Yeah, and then you chew it. My son don't chew shit right now. He eats like you gotta chew it man come on one at a time 14 months old man they don't know anything yet it's fascinating isn't it it's the best yeah i'm you know you learn a lot about yourself man tell you that you learn that you're enough. Yeah. It's the biggest lesson. It's like, I'm enough. I walk in the door,

he's like, hey, you know, I don't have to put on a show for him. Like my wife says, when he hears my voice, he lights up. Like if I call him,

you know, that's awesome. And so, yeah, I just like talking to him. Sometimes when I, when I first had him, I didn't know what to say to him.

So I would just do old, like hip hop lyrics. I don't know what to say to this kid. I'm just rapping stuff. Who the hell is this? Paging me at 546 in the morning crack a door in it now I'm yawning and then he would be like

what? I don't know what to say to him man and then I just started I would talk to him about my day sometimes and it's cool man it's a very weird feeling to see a little tiny human being

that's dependent upon you yeah it changes your perception of the world everything and it's also like all of us with our age so it's kind of it's weird when i look at adults i'm like man you were 14 months yeah well i i talk about that all the time that i look at people as grown-up babies now i used to look at people in a static state like i'd see an 80 year old dude that's an 80 year old dude that's how he is how he's always been no he was a baby

yes and he became this guy yeah and he had dreams and he charged it and did it work and did it not work yeah i'm fascinated by people's stories like yeah the shattered dreams and people with failed expectations are some of the saddest people you're ever going to meet they just for whatever reason it didn't work they didn't figure it out yeah whatever mental block whatever the problem was they just never figured it out yeah and that's when those char problem was, they just never figured it out. Yeah. And that's when those charlatans sneak in and pretend to be able to sell them.

All you got to do is... What you got to do is push harder. You got to dream big and you got to set your goals. Yeah, this guy's speaking to me. With an easy workshop. So we're going to have... Pay me $1,300.

Yeah. We're going to have a workshop and talk about it. I'm going to get out there and I'm going to clap. We're all going to join along. Clap together. Come on.

We're going to walk on coals, hot coals, barefoot. Yes. That's how they get you, man. Yeah. The motivational speaking marketplace is a saturated cesspool of most people in it having accomplished jack shit. most of them most of them their accomplishment is that they're motivational speakers yeah i know a comedian who's a terrible comedian i know who you're thinking of he's doing it now yes i know wait

wait wait wait wait yes i know that shit motherfucker and when you meet him uh when you see him out he's always flinchy a little bit. You know, he's flinchy like a dude with a side family. A dude with a side family. Why that dude so flinchy? Oh, we had a side family. Okay, I get it. Oh, man, that's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of pressure. Yeah, I know that, Kent. Good luck, man.

Good luck. There's a lot of those guys out there listening to this. I would like to say I might have be responsible a little bit. And this is very, this is, I'm literally,

this may not be true, but we did a show together a long time ago and it was a college gig. And the college gigs, they make you both do an hour. Right. They don't know how to just go,

hey man, you do a half an hour. Right. They don't know how to just go, hey, man, you do a half. Right. And so he was hotter as far as credits because he had, you know, Comedy Central loved this guy. And they were like, oh, and you go first. And I could see in his eyes. Ah, death. And I was like, it was like one of those quiet things where I go, you know how you go, I'm going to do, I'm going to destroy this shit. Yeah, because sometimes, if it's somebody you like, you'll do all right.

And then they come. I was like, let me go ahead and just show this dude like what this could really be. You know, I'm telling you, it was. Look, dude. Look. 58 minutes. Thank you. Good night.

Just left, you know, know game a game a great intro whatever like i saw him reevaluate and i think i i feel like at that moment he was like yeah there's got to be another method yeah he probably had like another two-year run like you know but that i was at a vegan restaurant that i eat at occasionally. And this dude was in there with all of these people that he works with. They meet together in this restaurant. Yeah. I saw him at a raw food spot before. Yeah.

He came up to me when I was with my daughter once. And he's like, I'd just love to talk to you about a transformative experience that I've had. I'd really love to get on your podcast. I'm like, get the fuck out of here, man. That's so funny man a transformative experience okay i believe you yeah man hey man you know good luck people people doing things people are doing things but there's a real problem with people that are just motivators yeah that's all they're doing yeah all you're doing is motivating and there's a lot of them

man there's a lot of them i'm always getting these fucking memes from people like who's this guy then i'll go to his page it's all filled with memes and then you know like you look at it they're like he's a motivational speaker oh you're a motivational speaker what have you done how do you it's weird to be a motivational speaker who's never done a thing yeah Like you have to start a company or become a something. Or life coaches. Same kind of thing. Oh yeah, same kind of thing. Yeah.

It's really weird. But the weird thing is some of them, like there are trainers that have never had professional fights and they're great trainers. Ah, okay.

But they have studied the game like so deeply. They understand all the various aspects of the game. Right. And then they become just really good at it They become really good at coaching because they're like real legitimate analysts. Is that possible to do with life?

Can you be a person who has never really accomplished much in terms nothing creatively nothing? Nothing like you're not some world champion, dude You're not some guy who's gone out there and accomplished great things you're not like sebastian younger award journalist you're not right you're just some guy who's like what you got to do is realize that you face fear in the eyes you tell fear i think that's the true nature of your soul yeah yeah it's the approach man it's like they have you can't tell people what they have to do yeah but i feel like you like so i feel like you're a bigger motivator than a motivational speaker because you motivate by example but you just

motivate by doing you you see what i'm saying like that's more motivational than telling people i'm gonna tell you how i do what i do it's like i don't want to i just oh joe did that oh that's dope then you know i mean so you go what I mean? So you go, okay, Joe comes from comedy. Oh shit. Okay. All right. If he did,

all right. I mean, what am I not doing? You know what I mean? Like to me, that's more motivational than that's how I feel. Come into my front door. Yeah.

And, uh, you know what I mean? But you know what? People are always looking for some sort of, uh, of course, shortcut,

you know, like someone who's going to, and sometimes people can give you like some sort of a, of course, shortcut, you know, like someone who's going to, and sometimes people can give you like, I have like CT Fletcher, who I had yesterday on the podcast, but he's a six time world champion power lifter. And you know, when he talks about hard work and dedication and,

you know, like fuck your excuses, like you're like, okay, fuck my excuses. Like it makes sense. You know, like you believe them.

But I think there's a lot of people out there that want to be that guy but they don't want to do that kind of work they don't want to accomplish some great task before they go out and do this all this motivational stuff right right they want to you know first of all they want that hippie pussy that's what they want that's what a lot of it is you want those girls who are trying to improve themselves. I'm just trying to be more spiritual. Me too. Vulnerable pussy. Vulnerable pussy. It's not just vulnerable.

It's seeking. Seeking. I'm seeking. Like yoga girls. Dude, yoga girls. There are so many freaks in the yoga community. You know what's so funny? I'm so above board.

Like, I go to yoga, and I do my thing, and then I'll look, but I'm like, I don't even know how to make this my spot. You know what I mean? Like, some guys, yeah, let's go to yoga. Like, they know. Because I heard one of my yoga teachers hit on a student, and the line was so lame. He said, I feel like I've practiced. What did he say? What are you always trying to reach in yoga?

Whatever that shit is. I feel like I've practiced something, something, something with you before. And she goes, yeah, it does feel like that. It was the standard line. It was so terrible. They started talking. He had his hair and shit. And I was like, there it is.

I could never. That's not my thing, man. But yeah, yoga is. People talk about the practice. And they say, that was an amazing practice. I can't talk to you. Yes, yes. I feel like I've practiced.

I forgot what he said. I just wanted to. But I'm not a cock blocker. I feel like I've practiced sh I forgot what he said. I just wanted to. But I'm not a cock blocker. I feel like I've practiced Shavasana with you. It was something like that on a mat before. The Asanyas. Asanyas? How do you say that?

Oh, yeah. What is it? What's the word? Asanyas. I just take the class. I don't know. Yeah, man. But yeah, we did this thing.

How often do you go? Once a week thing? Yeah, I try to keep it no more than, well, no less than once a week. But I've fucked up since I did Sober October. We had 15 classes that we had to do in a month. I told you about this? Me, Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer, and Ari Shaffir, we made an agreement. No pot, no booze, 15 hot yoga classes yoga classes 90 minute hot yoga classes in a month

it was rough but it broke me it broke me in terms of my enthusiasm for yoga i'm like enough because what really broke me was not just the 15 classes i could have done that but i did nine in a row to end it why i just said i had some days after that too that i could have but i was like no i'm gonna burn this shit out I'm just gonna bang it out nine in a row I was going Saturday Sunday

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday but when it was over it felt good

yeah it felt good right I did it when Russell Simmons gave me a month free at his tantric yoga spot wait he does tantric yoga? tantris tantris what's that? what's the difference? tantric is where. Wait, he does tantric yoga? Tantris. Tantris.

What's that? What's the difference? Tantric is where you hold your comeback, right? Squeeze your dick hole. How about that was sex? You're like, get out. Now you'll last longer. There's dudes that do that all day.

They just, at their job, they squeeze their dick muscle. That's like the weakest muscle I have in my body. You know, if you think about it, if you just squeeze, hold the comeback muscle. Use that right now. Just try to plant that down right now. Right now. Ready? Go.

That feels so spongy and weak. Like if I have to squeeze my arms, like my choke muscles. Yeah, you could do that. I feel like I could choke the fuck out of somebody right now. Yeah. But like choke my own dick with my my choke muscles. Yeah, you could do that. I feel like I could choke the fuck out of somebody right now. But like choke my own dick with my inner dick muscles. It's just nothing. It's like I'm

so tired, I'm so weak. Jesus! Don't move! Don't move! Those muscles have zero conditioning. I remember somebody told me. You know how you do dumb shit? I don't know if you ever did. I remember somebody told me. You know how you do dumb shit? Like, I don't know if you ever did this, but somebody told me if you press on that area,

like, really hard for a couple of seconds, like, it won't do it. Right, that you won't cum. And I tried that shit before. It didn't work. Garden hose. You're basically choking out your dick. You're choking it out. You got to just, like, get a gable grip and go down there and just mash the base out your dick You're choking it out You gotta just get a gable grip

And go down there and smash the base of your dick I just come and apologize I was like hey I got what I wanted I'm sorry man give me 20 minutes Well we were reading about male kegels once Like male kegels And I'm like listen I don't hear what anybody says This is to tighten up your butthole for butt sex.

But they're not talking about that. They're like sort of dancing around that. Like all the benefits of male Kegels. Like you can control your bowels better. Well, control your bowels better. What do you mean better? Like who's that? I mean, it's one thing you got diarrhea, but regular control of the bowels is pretty much

a hundred percent. It's out. It's coming out. I know what I'm doing. It's fantastic. Oh man. out. I know what I'm doing. It's fantastic. Oh, man. Oh, you know what's crazy? So, this is nasty, but.

So, I'm an only child, right? So, growing up, like, shit would happen to me. And I would just be like, well, what the fuck is that? So, when I take, like, really good shits, like, I cry. Like, out of one eye for some reason. I'm like, why is this happening? So,

but this is, this is when it worked to my advantage. My son, something, he was doing something and me and my wife couldn't figure it out. And then his one tear was,

I go, oh, he's taking a shit. He gets that from me. Like, and it was, it was accurate. He had the shit

and something was going on. And so then we helped him and adjusted him. And I, I, my wife, if she watched, watched she watched it she'll find out about she does not know that about me just now what i just now she knows but that's how i was able to crack that mystery because everything is a mystery and i go what's he doing he was just sitting there but he had this look on his face and then like one see it came out like oh holy shit. I just passed that on to my feet.

Oh, that's so crazy. Yeah. What a random thing. Isn't that a random thing, man? Like, it's so crazy. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, man. That's so strange.

Yeah, it's so crazy, man. It's weird how the body works. Like, sometimes I'll just be driving down the street and a tear will roll down my cheek. I'm like, I'm not even sad. Yeah. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. Why am I crying? It just comes down my cheek. I'm like, I'm not even sad. Yeah. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. Why am I crying?

It just comes down. Sometimes it's just leaking. Right. It's amazing. Man, you know what else my body does? If I'm in a room

and I'm supposed to be awake, you ever get like sleepy sometimes? Yeah. If I get sleepy, my dick will get hard. It's like my dick

is on lookout. My dick is like, I got it. He's not paying attention. He's running his fuck around. Right. Scan the area. Sometimes I'll be in writers rooms and I'll get sleepy.

And my dick will start getting hard. I go, oh, fuck. So then I'll try to go to the bathroom to throw a board on my face. But now I'm slightly erect getting up. So I'm making sure nobody's looking at me. Right. Like some freak. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm always pulling my shit down. Isn't that funny like everybody knows you get an erection everybody knows you get erections yeah right but if they you get an erection near them like what the fuck is going on over here like whoops i know i had a boner sorry sorry it's human nature yeah but you can't especially in a mixed company yeah yeah especially today no you can't do that today man just think about all the sexual harassment that people just sort of like that was their the way they behaved yeah yeah in the office that was their thing and now you can't now you can't do that anymore why they went to the office like they couldn't wait to get to work to yeah chase whomever was there. Pinch the secretary on her butt. I mean,

my mom had a thing like that when I was a kid. I didn't understand it, but somebody was you know, she needed the job. So what I will say to women watching, what my mom did is she just kept elaborate notes so that, because

she knew it was going to be his word against hers right and you know predators don't keep notes man they don't keep notes so my mom was like october 8th they you know she was protected and so wow just don't try to go off memory like that you know if even even if you keep notes, man, it's still you against them. Yeah, it still is. Especially if they're the boss back then. Whoa, but still. Because that's how, who had, somebody else had notes.

The Weinstein thing, somebody kept, like, notes. And that's why. I mean, because when you have a lot of money, you can definitely litigate it. Like, I'm going to sue and da-da-da. But when somebody, you know know and I think his legal team looked at it they were like you better go to Europe for some deep counseling because deep however they you know Europe counseling a different level

that's the leave this continent right right my head on straight I'm gonna stay over here yeah I had to be able to do that it's crazy well like if you look at like the Kevin Spacey thing like that that's how he would run a set apparently he'd be on the set and he'd just be grabbing dicks on are you serious yeah that's what they're all saying i mean i don't know if that's the truth but all the people in the house of cards set this is what all the complaints are coming out was that he would like grab guys dicks that were taken to places and he'd have like a pa that had to take him somewhere reaching his pants and grab his dick he He was just a dick grabber.

A dick grabber. He grabbed, whose dick was it that he grabbed? Like some famous dude, Richard Dreyfuss. He grabbed his son's dick with him in the room. He was just a crazy dick grabber. Just a maniac. That's crazy. Just drunk, dick grabbing off the reservation.

Fuck, dude. And I think this is their social environment as well as their working environment. They're constantly around all these people and they're in this king role. Yeah. If you're a star of a show that you're the executive producer of and it's a giant hit for Netflix and you're the king. I'm Frank Underwood. The king of House of Cards. And all the people rely on you for their jobs.

This is one of the things they're saying about House of Cards is that 2,000 people could be out of a job. Exactly. Which is crazy. Yeah. So this guy was like at the epicenter. Like he was the king of 2,000 people. So he would show up at work and he was like

Where's my beagle? Yeah, his eagle. He'll grab your dick. I'm the king. You know, and I think that is like natural male predatory behavior. Yeah, that's real.

I think when a man gets into a position where he's the king and all these people, sire, maybe we get you something, sire. Like if you're on a set

and you're like the big star and all these people are stumbling around, sire, maybe we get you something, sire. Like you're on a set and you're like the big star and all these people are stumbling around sire maybe maybe maybe we get you something sire like you start thinking like a king like if you're harvey weinstein like think about all the people that covered up for him yeah he had it written in his contract was crazy i mean but also just think of that work ethic man like you know what i mean like why just to work that hard and then the part that trips me out is when people would show up to the victims and go, tell me everything. Tell me.

We're going to take him down. And those people were investigators for him. Then they go, I work for Weinstein, bitch. Like, you better not. You know how fucked up that has to have you walking around in the world? Yeah. But they're predators, man. And they look for, like, you you know it's this weird shit but it's like

if you you know they had like a parent or somebody going baby do you think it's safe to you know meet with him at three in the morning and they were like mama it's cool it's gonna be fine trust me why don't you trust me you know and then when something happens they feel like they can't say anything because they don't want the I told you so. Or they don't want to. Or whatever it is. And then that moment can turn into two weeks. And I say a year, six months.

Then you're living. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that's how it can happen. You're just so embarrassed. You know what I mean? Or you don't want to embarrass or hurt other people. Sometimes people don't say anything because they don't want to make their parents feel a type of way, you know?

Yeah, there's a lot of women that have been rape victims that the stigma of being a rape victim publicly is so hard. It's so terrifying. It's so terrifying. They're like, I'll just let it slide. And it's like, man terrifying they don't even they're like i'll just let it slide it's and it's it's like man it's horrible yes i mean so i'm i'm personally i'm happy that people are finally speaking you know coming out because it's it's a lot of jobs opening up i'm really happy that people are finding that courage to just you know speak that truth and we'll see what happens on the other side of it.

Will we be a healthier society? Well, I've been saying this for a while that I think that eventually we're going to get to a point where we can read each other's minds. I really think that's on the horizon. I think it's just a matter of time before no one can ever do anything like that ever again. And I think that's what you're seeing now with this Harvey Weinstein shit and the Kevin Spacey shit and all this other stuff. I mean, you see varying degrees of it. Some of them seem pretty innocuous, like Al Franken just likes to grab butts when he takes pictures. Like, not the best practice, but not the worst thing in the world.

But I think we're going to get to a point where all of this is looked back on like wearing powdered wigs or slavery or any crazy old shit that we just don't tolerate anymore. Just nutty behavior that you just can't do anymore. I think we're going to get to a point where you're going to be able to talk to someone and you're going to be able to see what's going on in their head. And you would have to be a real piece of shit to victimize them because you're going to get to see what their exact feeling. Oh, you just need this job. You're not really attracted to me.

You don't like me at all. You just need this job. But you might let me jerk off on you if you keep this job. Because this is gross. I got to stop. You know what's interesting, too? I think this is a direct reaction to us not communicating with one another. You know what I mean? Today, like today, everything is text.

My boys are single. They're getting girls through text. Have you talked to her yet? No, I haven't, but she's sending me pictures. You don't even know her., you know, they, they getting girls through text. Like, have you talked to her yet? No, but she's sending me like all this. So you're not really. Yeah. And everything can be taken out of context.

What have you, but sure. But yeah, it is getting to the place where you're going to have to be really clear with your intentions. Like I'm going to be able to see it. You're going to be able to see intentions on people. Oh,

wow. You know, another thing I think that is ridiculous and I'm not pro prostitution, but I think it should be legal. And I think if it was legal, you would have way less of this going on. Oh, yeah. Way less. Oh, yeah.

Because that's what it is, right? It's just that release and people need to. Well, it's craziness. It's forbidden shit. There's a lot of factors going on. But I think one of the things that would change is that people that want, like, ugly dudes like Harvey Weinstein just want sex. Yeah, you can just go get it. But I think for him it's like a power thing, too.

Definitely. I mean, he was banging all those really hot, like famous chicks. Yeah, this drug dealer told me a long time ago, it was two things. He was talking about men. It says, two things men understand, ass whooping or secret. And if you can't whoop their ass, you better get a secret. So, and that's, you know, I like harvey doing that shit to a lot of people because they became huge stars right there's no reason for them to ever have to respect him

again you know i mean but he was like yeah but you you know what this is you know take my whatever whatever his well that's what apparently he would negotiate it into deals yeah he would say if you fuck me you'll get more lines you'll get parts you'll get this you get that and so it's like i mean but that is like my man he was like so what when do you know your worth right and when you know well if you you know i mean i'm good i don't need this here I'm over here or I've already the work I've already done like my my last work paid for all this shit

right where you getting your money you getting your money from something I did you know what I mean like instead of thinking about it like oh you can give me more money

it's like you sitting on this you got this suite from my performance you know what I mean like this dude wrote you didn't do shit

yeah you literally came up with this guy wrote it this guy shot it yeah yeah you know that's what's interesting he's like he's not the creative guy at all no no he's just the money guy that fucks the women yeah it's weird it's weird man and it's weird how long you got away with it for for decade after decade after decade it's it's it, man. It's almost like deflating every person that you look at. You know, like, oh man, that person... You know what shocked me the most about Matt Lauer? That motherfucker was making $20 million a year.

$25! I heard it was $25. I heard $20. $28? Jesus, it gets bigger. Can I get $30? And they had to pay him. They had to pay him. They had to pay him out? They have to pay him out of his contract? I was just reading, they don't know if it's going to be finished through his 2018 contract, but he also was getting flown helicopter rides to his Hamptons house daily so he could spend more time with his family or something.

Whoa. In between. Damn, that line of things. I wonder what happened. All those guys get paid out, though. How much did Charlie Rose get when he had to step out? those guys get paid out though How much did Charlie Rose get when he had to step out Did he get paid out But he was on PBS

O'Reilly got a lot of extra money O'Reilly paid 35 million dollars In a sexual harassment settlement Like what the fuck Could you have possibly done Just think about it If I give you 35 million you shut the fuck up. Like $35 million is a J-Lo house.

Hold up, Dojo. This is fucked up. But that victim should be a motivational speaker. That victim should motivate to talk to other victims on how to get paid. First thing I did was I limped around. I pretended I couldn't walk good. I was getting nervous. I'd have to sit down. 35 mil double.

I appeared vulnerable. It worked out. Yeah. Oh, that's fucked up. I wonder what he did. I mean, it was just one. I mean, another one I think he paid 12. There was like several different ones that he had to pay off.

Like this guy was on a rampage for years and years. Yeah, he's a trick, man. He's on the streets. He's a trick that pays well he's a house money 35 million 35 come on man and everybody already knows you're a freak so it's like you wasted 35 million like everybody knows you're a freak yeah and so who do we where do you start like is it the platform who gave him the platform and that guy well got well i think it's a bunch of things but one of the things that i think it is is that that world is so sexually charged all the men are like these powerful wealthy men and all the women are hot as fuck

and they all have short skirts on and they're all talking about like like american values and it's all conservative values. It's all super suppressed. Right. Behind closed doors, there's button popping and fucking. It's crazy. Snorting coke off pussy lips. Woo!

Yeah, America! You know? Big hypocrisy. We're so puritanical too though man yeah they don't teach but they don't teach sex education like to younger kids it's never cool to talk about this shit no so there's definitely that but it's also the suppression the ones that are like super religious super suppressed yeah like those the ones that have this, they have a need for an outlet. Of course, yes. Yeah, and I feel like it's equal, right?

So the amount that you put out, you equally have. Right. You know what I mean? Like that, who was that guy, the senator or congressman, whoever the fuck it was, that just got busted?

Like, he was an anti-gay. Oh, yeah. And it turns out he got busted having sex with a dude in his office. Yeah. Like, yeah, well, there you go. Inappropriate behavior, they called it. Yeah. Which was very convenient.

They had to give him the X. There he is. Anti-LGBTQ lawmaker resigns over gay sex scandal. Woo. Republican Ohio State Representative. Wesley. Oh, Wesley. Wesley Goodman.

He may have also previously assaulted an 18-year-old. May have. Assaulted. Is it like Kevin Spacey type assault? Like dick grabbing? I know. The word assault is so strong, man. Your words are violent, Owen.

Your words are violent. I didn't touch you. No, no, no. Your words are violent. That's what comedy's at. Yeah. I feel uncomfortable. I know.

There's certain taboos now that just breaching them on stage. You see people say, are you allowed? Well, you know, yeah, I wish they did that with comedy tickets. I understand when you buy a baseball ticket, the back is like an agreement that if you get hit with the ball you ain't gonna sue like is that what it is yeah like you you agree that if if some debris hits you hey man it's a part of the experience right and uh they need to have comedy clubs like if your feelings get hurt like you've already agreed to experience yep you know a performance you know it's going to affect you i don't know how it's going to land on you, but.

Well, what I think is really important, you got to ban people that interrupt, like, especially like bad hecklers that interrupt. Like there's hecklers sometimes, man, can like,

you're, you're setting up like for a special, you're getting ready. They can fuck up the flow of a bit for weeks. Always. And they, it seems like, it seems like they always come out when you're setting up for something. Of course.

When you ain't setting up for nothing, you just rockin'. Perfect. I gotta lay this down for her. Here they come. And the moral arbiters of what you're allowed to say and not say, it's like, you don't even understand where this is going. You're not even allowing this bit

to take its full. At the end, it'll vindicated just let it let it play out let it play out trust me yeah the end i'm the piece of shit just trust me trust me everyone wins yeah but that's a weird thing about live performance that's what makes it so exciting yes you are there to catch debris occasionally yes you know yeah it will be a tire will fall off one of the nascar things and launch the crowd right right yeah but it's it's a i don't know man you gotta keep swinging that bat though you gotta keep pushing it yeah well then also the real terrifying thing for me is the throwing away the material and then redoing your whole act every two years oh yeah that's the real terrifying thing it's really about for me it's about a year and a half it seems like lately that's my schedule okay and at a year and a half it's like yeah like right now i'm super nervous because i'm like a couple months out and then once i film i'm fucked i don't

have anything i just figured out how to make these bits all work good i know and it's exciting right it's like i could ride this for five years no but i think I think it's healthier, though. Oh, it's way healthier. But it is like, but what you're talking about, too, is something that I've gone through. It's like, the older you get, the less your faith isn't as strong. Like, when you're younger, you're like, I know I'm going to come up with more shit. Something's going to happen. I think my faith is better now than it was before. But I work harder at it now.

Yeah. It's like, to me yeah it's like to me it's the it's directly proportional like how much time i'm actually spend writing and working on new shit and trying out new shit yeah versus like whether or not i think i could do it again yeah you know like if as long as you're paying attention there's always subject i feel like subjects too are essentially like scaffolding yes and once you have the scaffolding then you gotta fill it up with jokes and build that's the That's the fun part, too. Like and then. Yeah, I love the work, man. And it's so like I'm at a place where I love it even more now than when I first started.

You know, I mean, like it was just a blind love for just how it made me feel. But now I really like getting in there and trying to like, yeah, take it places. And it's so exciting to me man and it's like i'm i'm so i feel so present and awake you know what i mean like when i'm on stage and i just i'm excited about it but it is true though like um if i wish that this was all i could focus on you know what i mean right this and my family that's all i want to do is stand up and family that's one of the reasons why it is so exciting

is because it's just slightly out of your reach yeah I mean it's obviously within your reach talent wise but just like you still have this

writing job you're still yeah yeah it's there but the reason why I never intended to be a

a TV writer I didn't even know that was a job you know what I mean? Like, I went one day on the set. A friend of mine, he was a comic and then became showrunner

of Everybody Hates Chris. And he called me out the blue and said, hey man, you want to come read lines with Chris? And I was like, yeah. So I went on set and the job was to be his voice, because it was a voiceover show,

everybody. So I was his voice for the actors, for the pacing. So I'd be off on the side, my mother always said, like, I'll just be reading. And then I was like, oh, this is cool. I was like, this is like the best acting class, because I'm seeing, because at the time I was also, this is like the best acting class because I'm seeing,

because at the time I was also like acting classes and doing all of that stuff. Oh, shit, I'm seeing what it's like on set how to act. Because I would watch co-stars come in and just crumble because it's not a safe acting class. Like when you're acting on set, there's a boom guy that don't give a fuck. There's a guy rolling up cable. There's a guy eating a sandwich. to like to know how to find it in these raw environments so i used to watch that and but because i'm a comedian first when they would run lines i would hear stuff that could be funny and i would just write it on my script but

i wouldn't say anything i knew better than to try to say something and then one day showrunner his name's ali he goes uh hey uh, Hey man, this scene ain't working. You got anything? And I was like, do I? Yeah. Uh, she should say this. It was just, I just wanted to make it better. And then, uh, he laughed and then he threw the line in and she laughed and then they did it. And the whole crew laughed and then they recorded it. And I was like, oh, that's cool. And I didn't even think like, oh, that was great. I was just like was like oh that's cool and i didn't even think like oh that was great i was just like yeah that's what it should have been like right and then um chris rock came up and he was like fuck that you say this and change it and they laugh then i was like i got another one and that was the first time i'd ever seen chris like in person this day like i got another one

i give it to him they throw it in they laugh louder chris was like you say this gave him they laugh but not as loud didn't know i probably should have shut up i had another one because i was like if i if chris would like me this would be great you know that kind of right right right so i was like this when they laugh they do it they laugh loud chris goes i got nothing i'm like yeah you know and so then at the end everyone's in line shaking chris's hand when i shake his hand he puts hand, he does the elbow thing. He goes, what's up, nigga? I'm like, Chris Rock called me nigga. He liked you.

I was so happy. I was like, hey. And then I went on a dumb plane and did a college gig or whatever and came back. And so then that grew into me doing what they call punch-up writing. But I didn't know any. I enjoyed helping them make the show funnier. Right. Because that's like my, like if I hear something, I go, oh, that's dope.

Go for it. You know, that's kind of always been my nature. And I had this older, one time this older black dude was at the store and he said, stop helping other people get better. Keep that shit for yourself. And I was like, all right. Who said that? I can't remember.

But it's like he came out the shadows and just said it to me. Wow. Because when Cass would get off stage, I'd be like, oh, man, you should do this and that. Then I would go do my work. Like, I'm not doing that. But whatever you're doing, I could hear it. I'd go, oh, man, maybe go here. That'd be dope.

Some people would listen. And some people have amazing careers. And some people were like, all right. And then I started figuring out, Oh, they don't want me to say nothing. I ain't gonna say nothing. And then I did eventually just stop saying stuff.

Like, it just kind of just, it kind of falls away. But I used to be, I was like, I used to just love hearing what people were trying to do and then go, Hey man, sometimes someone on the outside can see it better than you can.

Yeah. And I wasn't annoying. Like I wasn't like, but I was like, Oh man, I think maybe this. And if they they laughed it was cool and i literally didn't think about it again like i wouldn't even remember right and then uh so that evolved into me like they used to let me rewrite scenes on set because that was just the way this particular

showrunner worked his whole philosophy was funniest wins and you know know, if you got it, you got it. And then so he would bring stuff in from the writer's room, which I was rarely in because I wasn't a writer at that time. And then when they would put it on its feet, we could hear how certain people couldn't say they they was they would sound funny or saying a different word. Or maybe it should just take a different turn. And we were kind of the same. So he would let me rewrite. saying a different word or maybe it should just take a different turn and we were kind of on the same so he would let me rewrite and uh that grew into then i found out about writing and like there's a writer's guild and you know all this stuff and i was like yeah i'll do it i'd like to see what it's about why not but i didn't get a writer's job until years later but i had i had went through a bad breakup here

and I wanted to go to New York. You know them breakups that make you wanna change zip codes? So I tried to, I was so naive, I go, I'm gonna write on Conan. So I started sending, this is when he was in New York, I didn't hear anything, I ended up having to be here for another two years, and then after I gave up that dream of wanting to just get a writing job in New York so I could live in New York, I ended up getting a writing job in Stanford, Connecticut.

And I took it. It was my first Writers Guild job. But I moved to Harlem. And so I would work on set all day and then race down to the cellar and perform at the cellar. Oh, wow. I was living a life that I always wanted to do at 20, but I was afraid to move to New York at 20 because I didn't think I could afford it for some reason. So I lived in Chicago and then I moved to L.A. For some reason, I felt like I could do those towns.

But so I was living in Harlem and I was a comedian and I would write during the day. I didn't I didn't even like think of it as a thing. And then that grew into, oh, I'm pretty good at this. I know what this should look like. I know how to tell a story. I know, you know what I mean? When did you start coming around the store? I came around the store on Everybody Hates Christmas.

I came out the first time in the 90s. Wow. Spring break, 1994. The first time in the 90s, spring break 1994, me, Sunny, I can't think of her last name, but she's on The View now. She's one of the ladies on The View. Sunny. We were all in a, we all went to Notre Dame. She went to Notre Dame Law School. Me, my boy Floyd, he pretended to be my manager.

We were all in this, we all Floyd, he pretended to be my manager. We were all in this, we all did this play Raising in the Sun and then for spring break we all came out together and I went to all the comedy clubs because I was doing comedy at Notre Dame

and he pretended to be my manager and I got up on like some black rooms. I got to do stand up there and we went to all the comedy clubs and everybody was nice to us. Like, I'm a comedian visiting from the Midwest.

Can I just check out the room? Yeah, come on in. Went into the Laugh Factory. Oh, this is shiny as fuck. Okay, this is cool. Nice, nice. Went to the Improv. They let me in.

Okay, cool. Come to the Comedy Store, a dude named Chewy is standing up front. I remember Chewy. And I go, hey, man. And some people, he was so intimidating, he made me lose the bass in my voice. I was like, hey, man, I want to just go in. going and he was like do you know how many motherfuckers say they a comedian and like he chewed me out and it scared me from the store and I was I was like yo like everybody else was showing such I was not expecting it

right I was just like who is this dude I want getting there damn so I stayed away from the store so what I scared me off off? Scared me off, dude. Scared me off. He's the nicest guy once you get to know him. Yeah, but so much so, like almost, I put like a vendetta

in my head against this dude. Oh, that's hilarious. Push this dude in traffic. You know how strong you are? How close you are to the street? Like I was really like angry. And I just walked away

and I was like, fuck this guy. Fuck this place. And then I didn't move out until 2000. Right. And I was doing a lot of commercials in Chicago. Right. And I booked 10 national commercials for Blockbuster Music or something. And it was me and this dude named J.T. Jagodowski, I think his name is. He is one of the Sonics guys, those Sonics commercials.

Okay. He's one of those guys. And we did 10 of them. I was getting paid twice because they were using my hands, too. It was like a video game spot. So I was a hand model getting paid, and then my face was imposed on one of my thumbs, and his was on another thumb, and we did it. And so I thought I was going to make a lot of – and it was supposed to air during the super bowl the 2000 super bowl

and then i booked and then i did radio to promote a show and they offered me the guy the program director like my voice and offered me a radio gig he was like yo you want to do the morning radio here and i did a test run for like a couple of weeks, and it did really well. And out of nowhere, I get a call from Don Buchwald, Howard Stern. I don't know if he's still Howard Stern's agent, but he was like, Owen, Don Buchwald, we know. Let me negotiate your deal. And I was like, what? I was like, all right.

And so. So you figured you were going to be a big time morning DJ guy. Morning DJ guy. And I did not want to be a local celebrity at all. Like I had no. That's a go to bed at 8 o'clock gig too. I know. And wake up at 4.

And that's what I did. I did that for two weeks. And my body felt paralyzed. But my numbers were really good apparently. Because I had to meet with this dude named J-Bo something. And he was like, oh, and your numbers were great. Just don't say this word so much. And I was like, ugh.

I was already like, ugh. So then this guy so much. And I was like, oh, I was I was already like, oh. So then this guy calls me and I go, all right, man. I said, I want two hundred and fifty thousand. And he was like, this is right when I think Clear Channel, somebody was buying up all the radio stations. So base salary was maybe 60, something like that. And I was like, so I just said I was like, because I had these commercials coming. So I go, I want two hundred and fifty thousand. He was like, all right, So I just said, I was like, because I had these commercials coming. So I go, I want $250,000. He was like, all right, let me see what I can do.

So I was supposed to come out here for Y2K. I was supposed to come out here before the ball dropped, you know, 1999. Right. But I had to stay an extra like six weeks, maybe four weeks while they negotiated. So every Friday, Don would call me, Owen, we got it up to $120,000. Nope. Owen, this is arrogant 26-year-old me. I love it.

Owen, we got it up to 180. Nope. I've never met this man. That's amazing. I wouldn't know him if he passed me in the street. Wow. Owen, we got it up to 220. With your remote, you'll make your 250 where you just take the gig.

No one has ever gotten this before. That's amazing. Nope. I hung up my dumb flip phone at the time. Did you have a Razor phone? Yeah, some dumb flip, some stupid. And then I hung it up. And he was like, all right.

I think he was like, all i think and maybe he was like all right good luck and i hung up like that and it wasn't like a ass so you walked away from a 220 000 a year radio gig plus remotes you would have made a quarter million dollars in 1999 1999 jesus man away and it was i was already new year because I drove out here in my 1991 gray Honda Accord, drove through the southern route from Chicago and stopped at Grand Canyon, yelled in there. I'm gonna be famous, famous. I'm gonna make it all that shit. And then drove out, pulled in and the copywriters from because it was a Viacom spot from the 10 national commercials that I did called me and said, hey, man, we got some bad news. There was in-house legal dispute in Viacom between your spots and these spots called Thumb Wars. And so we're not, theirs aired already, so we're not going to be airing your spots.

But we already edited a few, so we'll send them to you. So I had like, I just had the session fee. So the commercial money I was banking on, I had nothing. So I went from thinking I was going to at least have, you know, Super Bowls, 10 national spots. Right. And then the Super Bowl, at that time when commercials actually paid. Right. I was counting, pre-counting money.

And I thought I was going to at least make money and uh i thought i was gonna at least make a quarter of a million that year at least and then uh nothing so then i ended up sleeping on my boy's air mattress uh preacher moss shout out to preach did you ever think about calling them back for the radio gig no no wow no good for you never i never yeah it was like i was like i didn't want to be a local i was my reasoning was if you're offering me a radio gig at 26, I can get a radio gig at 56. Like, it's a voice. You know what I mean? Oh, wow.

That was my thinking at the time. My 26-year-old thinking. And then, so no, because I didn't want to go back. I felt like I had done everything I could do in Chicago. Because, like, when shows were coming, I would get, like, a co-star on it. So I was like, I want do in Chicago. Right. Because like when shows were coming, I would get like a co-star on it. So I was like, I want to come see.

There was a few dudes that tried to make it out of like those local markets. Like remember Man Cow? Yeah. In the morning. Man Cow in the morning. He was a Chicago guy,

wasn't he? Yeah. And then him and Howard Stern have the crazy beef and Howard Stern went after him. Yeah. Howard Stern lapped him. Yeah.

Yeah. But he was like a guy who was like a chicago guy that was sort of bleeding out into other markets and then it all went away yep yep yep so when i came out i was sleeping on the air mattress got some pussy on it and that's strong it was consensual and you get some sex on an air mattress the girl likes you that much it's pretty good yeah it's like almost like futon sex. Fantastic. But yeah, I told her. I was funny.

I was just like a poor man's waterbed. You suck crazy. You know, whatever. But I was there for 18 months, man. And I would drive up and go to acting class. Acting class. Boy, you meet some crazy fucking people in acting class, huh? Oh, my God.

Yeah, man. But it was great. It was a great time, right? To just really learn the art form at a different level and then just see who's out here. But I didn't fuck with the store. I was I would drive past it. And I was doing uh that special where he performed in south africa and england he was working on that and he just said i'm going to the store tonight and i was like yo i want to come see it all right just come i was

like cool so i sat in the or and i watched chris go up and at that time i was i wasn't in i'm still not in the laugh factory but i did the improv and I would do the laugh factory on like chocolate sundaes or whatever but the improv it felt like you had to have your set already worked out like you couldn't fuck around couldn't fuck around or and you couldn't really go outside the box of what a comedian is and so when I was at the, I saw a few comics go up before Chris and I was like, oh shit, you could be an artist here. Like that was my first instinct. Like, you can do

whatever you think is your thing here. And then I saw Chris go up and I was like, I have to get in here. Like it was, I was like, I gotta, whatever, I gotta do it. I gotta get in here. Chewie wasn't around then. Chewie wasn't around then. And then I saw, so then check this out. So then I started coming down on Sunday and Monday and Tommy was doing it at

the time. And I would listen to Tommy talk and stuff. And what blew me away about Tommy was I had never met a person who ran a comedy club who knew that much about comedians and who was that passionate about comedy. Like I didn't, I didn't know him from anything i just i just never all the funny bones that i had worked nobody gave a fuck about the lineups and kind of like his process so i i didn't mind him talking to me i was like oh this guy likes to talk and i was like oh shit a lot of people probably don't talk to him and so then when he would talk to me about comedy,

I was blown away by the history, that he knew a specific history of it. Yeah, you didn't get a chance to see him emerge as the crazy fuck he became. No, no, no. So then, so he would give me the two-minute spots, you know, those two-minute spots, and I would do the two-minute things. And then he was like, I'm going to give you 10 minutes. And then he goes, I'm going give you ten minutes and then he goes I'm gonna give you

a showcase for Mitzi and he would call me it's going down now and I would drive and get all it's just not happening I would go back home because Mitzi was still sick

she was sick yeah she was real sick real sick come in but she was still doing auditions then huh yeah what years is

I don't know I'm bad with that but the class that I was in was Glickman Steve Steve Glickman. Me and Steve were passed the same year. So maybe 2000. Well, the Chris Rock thing was 2007. So then maybe 2000.

So this is all of it was after I had left. I had left the store 2007. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was all right around then. Right on the heels of that. Right on the heels of that. So maybe I got passed in 2008 maybe. Where else do you work?

Do you work like Comedy and Magic Club? Yeah. You work down there? Yeah. That's a great spot. I love it, man. I'm going down there this weekend. Are you really?

Yeah, hopefully. What a great club that is. You do the improvs, all the national improvs and stuff? No. No? No. I used, when I was a road comic, I used to, like Dave Stroop used to book me. In Columbus? In Columbus. In Columbus. And he used to pay me, for a feature, he used to like Dave Stroop used to book me in Columbus

and he used to pay me for a feature he used to pay me well and then he would co-feature me co-headline me and then he just stopped booking me I'll tell you I can tell you the story I don't care he there was this waitress that worked there and

I fucked her and uh fucked her all weekend but i didn't approach her like she came on to me right and um is that bad you're not supposed to fuck the waitress i don't know but i'm gonna say when dave paid me he goes out of blue he goes did you fuck so and so and i was like nah and uh and then he was like okay and then then he's never booked me since then. But I didn't want her to lose it. I didn't know if I would have gotten in trouble. What kind of a weird question is that?

It was random. And again, dude, this comes from like maybe not growing up with a dad. I would have known how to handle that better. But if my dad, if I had some knowledge from that. But I just was like, I'm not going to get her fired. I'm leaving. So I'm not going to be like, yeah, fuck. I was like i was like no i didn't know that's none of his fucking business i didn't know what to do it came out of nowhere like is he if he's the boss is he the boss

are you a private contractor you're kind of a private contractor private contractor um you come in it's not like you're getting health and dental from him nah but the whole thing is really your boss but it's his club yeah i used to work i used to work i don't know i mean i was never told you couldn't right you know what i mean but it's always been the case guys have always done it only one club they said don't do it really uh it was a milwaukee the comedy cafe i used to do that room i get how they would see it was gross with the comedians hitting on the waitresses all the time but i would never yeah i would always do my you know My energy man, I will perform and I was sitting and if they came over and I would talk, you know

I mean, but I was never like I'm not grope I'm not I wasn't she came on to you came on to me and it was it was it was rent like me I wrote a show about this like me and his other do we know like you the show about this like me and this other dude we know like you you like we if you're throwing the pussy at us we won't pick it up like you have to literally be like will you oh okay yeah yeah you know i mean like yeah i'm when i'm there to do comedy i'm not conflating this is where i eat you know i mean so i'm not thinking you're working i mean i might see i'm definitely gonna see god damn you look good but i'm not gonna i'm not gonna change up you know what i mean so i'm not thinking you're working i mean i might see i'm definitely gonna see you goddamn you look good but i'm not gonna that's i'm not gonna change up you know

what i mean and so she had i forget i don't even know how it happened it was like um i think she asked me if we wanted to get something to eat afterwards and we got something to eat and we were just talking and i was like oh shit she's flirting oh that's cool but we were away from the club oh that's what's up and then she made a i need to come back to the condo it was like oh shit she's flirting oh that's cool but we were away from the club I was like oh that's what's up and then she made a I need to come back to the condo

it was like a weird I was so goofy like alright and then oh shit we fucking and then but it was literally no

I was no game on me she just picked me I won the lotto that weekend like whoever she was mad at before she was like

this dude I want that and that's really how that went down is it wasn't uh me thinking about it you know i mean like that's a funny thing because you're kind of working together yeah but people in bars they always wind up hooking up like that's like the constant thing in bars. Bartenders and the waitresses, people are always doing that. That's, like, standard. I rarely, man. Like, I mean, I would say in my 20s, I was more, like, conscious. You know, I knew how to, like, I could change my act to get an audience member or whatever.

Like, all right, she's cute. Let me talk about this topic. She'll come up. That was so crazy. You know, and then I would know how to do all that stuff or go to the mall and invite somebody you know that right all those right right but then as i got older i think you're more concentrated in your comedy yeah i was like this stage time was so valuable to me i just and i was just like really i just wanted to just and then i was trying to figure

out because i it was at that time like like later on, it was about DVD sales. And I would hear comedians, I sell out every time. I'm like, I sell two DVDs. So then I started going, what am I not doing? So then I would fix that. And then it would be like lines waiting for my DVD. But I'm a horrible salesman. So one person want to get in the conversation for a long time.

And I want to be nice. And then you just fucked up my line. Like you talk too long. So I had to learn how. Right. And then you just fucked up my line. Like, you talk too long. You know, so I had to learn how to, like, keep it moving. You know what I mean? But then I didn't really like talking to the audience that much afterwards. If I'm doing, like, racial stuff because it would always come back wrong. I used to do this joke about how

Busta Rhymes. I went to a Busta Rhymes concert and it was all white. And he yelled out, all my real niggas make some noise. And everybody was like, ah.

And so the punchline is like, white people are niggas now? And I was like, oh, what did I just say? And not only can we call them niggas, they are paying $85 for the privilege

to be called nigger, right? So then my joke would be like, white people, I'll call you nigger for $10. $10. Nigga sale, nigga clearance. Cash cash only because i know how you niggas are like that was like a joke i would do on the road and then i would be out um selling my dvd and always you know a drunk white person would come up and give me 20 and go nigga like that i'll call you and i. And I'm like, ah, fuck. That's a problem

when you get forbidden words. Forbidden words, man. You just can't wait to blurt them out. Can't wait. We used to joke, like, what if that was my thing? Like, what if I didn't sell product? And I was like, y'all could just call me nigga at the back for $20 and, like, just

shake up the whole t-shirt DVD selling thing. Like who is this guy letting white people call him? You know, but I, it just, it, it got, it got so,

you know, it's that growth process. Every comedian, every, every, I think minority comedian wants to figure out race, like in their twenties and early thirties, they want to fix it or have some clever angle that no one's done before

but the reaction to that is you do you do like if you work in kentucky right the late show friday and here you come talking about you know a black man invented the golf tee because he was tired of holding the ball like they're like what you know i mean it's like a different you gotta you're figuring it out you know and so now it's funny when I hear, like, younger comics, you know, attacking race in that familiar place.

It's like, yeah, that's cool, but what's, like, what's beyond that? You know what I mean? But it's also like,

you're dealing with talking to the audience. And the problem with talking to the audience is, you might run into seven people that are really cool. And they're great to talk to.

You're like, man, I'm glad I met you. Yes. And then you run into two drunk morons that ruin your entire night. You know, like, I can't even believe I have to talk to you. Yeah. And I'm stuck talking to you and you're, you know, the problem is you think you can make fun of white people. Yeah.

And white people can't say the N word to you. Like, you think, you think that's okay. You could say it to us. We can't. Oh, Jesus Christ. I can't have this conversation with you. Yeah, it's okay you could say it to us we can't oh jesus christ i can't have this conversation with you yeah it's draining i can't do this yeah it's like when you do you can't pick who you're meeting after those shows right just especially if you're trying to sell something yeah so i was like i just don't want to have to sell something i just want to

perform yeah and then i'll talk to you afterwards because i i did what you paid for let's yeah i used to take merch with me i did it a few times on the road. It is grueling. It's grueling. I can't do it. Can't be. You get on a plane with so much promise. If I sell all these boxes, it's going to be it. I know dudes who would ship their shit ahead.

They would ship boxes ahead, tape everything down. Ugh. Yeah. And you'd hear about Gabriel. Yeah. Gabriel Iglesias. He's selling a million dollars worth of t-shirts. Like, what?

I know. How? How? What's he doing? Yeah. He's got a warehouse filled with t-shirt. It's like, what? I know. How? How? What's he doing? Yeah. He's got a warehouse filled with t-shirts. What? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not Fatim Pluffy. What? He's killing it. Yeah. Yeah. It's an interesting world, the world of trying to figure out what your thing is. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. But for you, we just got to let people fucking know, man. Just come see me. Yeah, let them know. You just got to be headlining on the road, man. I know, man. You got to put out a special.

Has anybody approached you about a special? No. The two that I've done, I've done out of pocket. And I got stories about that. I did one in 2007. I made a lot of money doing colleges. Because I really, I was like, how can I make some money? And quick hits.

And I figured out what my act was for the college market. And I finally, my agents would never put me in NACA Nationals. They would always do NACA Regionals. And NACA is the National Association of Campus Activities where, you know, you get submitted and colleges, you know. Yeah, I did all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but I knew, and I never, I rarely or never got selected to a regional because my humor

works best if people, if everybody can see it at that time, like what I was talking about. So if I did something, someone from the South would be like, that's too, but someone from up North, man, shut up. That's dope. You know what I mean? So I said, nationals would be my spot. They finally put me in. I get picked. I get to do it. And this is right when Kobe got

accused and stuff. And I had this Kobe joke that I did, and my agents was like, keep it clean. I was like, man, I'm doing this my way. I'm listening to y'all all these years. And so, and I knew what the kids wanted. Like, I knew what the students wanted. Once I get, once you get to their school, the act that people think they have to do to get the job it's your act just do that so i did my act

i do these these kobe jokes in the middle and it it changed the chemistry of the room you know what i mean because everyone was coming out you know doing the safe stuff and then the kobe joke that i told was uh kobe i $30 million to drink Sprite. $30 million just to drink Sprite. I go, for $30 million, I would drink my own cum. I say this on the NACA thing, right? I know women out there who have done it for far less. That's the joke, right?

Place goes crazy. I get off stage. My agent is red. But there's a line around the corner at my booth because I was the only guy that talked about something that was happening, like, right then, and I had a thing on it. Get over, like, 120 schools.

And I, and I did that burn. Every, you know, you know what that is. So you're saying that you made a bunch of money, and then you put together a special. Yeah, made a bunch of money, put together a special, called Anonymous, shot it in South Bend, Indiana, because I was in these writers' rooms where people were going, the Midwest doesn't get it, the Midwest doesn't get it. And I was like, I want to show them that the Midwest gets it.

Hired everybody, right? The director I wanted couldn't do it, referred another director. I had already purchased the place and airtime and all that stuff. And I had people from Everybody Hates Chris Day were going to do favors for me. So my budget was at, say, it was at like $40,000, right? Then I had to hire this other guy. And he said, I don't like working with people I don't know. You got to hire all my people.

Doubles my budget. We took a scouting trip. Met his DP. They had my act. They knew all my moves. Like I had this down cold. Terry Cruz flew in and introduced me. And when we get on the plane to fly, the director says, the DP is not going to make it. I found out later he took another gig. So now I'm performing my special that I'm spending now $100,000 on in front of four camera guys who have never seen my act. Oh, no. And I do the special. And it went great.

Did two shows. I'm still hype about it. Get back the footage. This guy, whatever you could, this is the medium shot saw focus both shows no blurry so no all my punch lines are over my left shoulder oh which is not how you so i couldn't resell it so i had to put it on youtube and my boy calls it the most expensive demo tape on youtube oh my god it's called owen Anonymous. And I was so, yo,

I was stressed, man. I lost a patch of hair. It was, it was a terrible. Did you contact the DP and go, what the fuck? I never did.

Wow. I never did. That's crazy. I never did. How did you not? That guy fucked you. I, I just,

I didn't pay the director to this day. I just didn't pay him. I paid his crew. I paid everybody else. Biggest check I ever wrote at that time. And I never, but I was like, I said, I'm not paying you. I go, you know why I'm not paying you. And I said, you had two shows to see this.

I could have done my whole act over without an audience. Like I knew it that well. Right. Just to, you know, capture this. And my whole purpose was to resell this. You didn't listen to me. It was this thing because he had only done music. He hadn't done comedy.

I knew every special and oh and the reason and that whole year every director that came and directed everybody hates chris episodes i would take them to lunch because if i found out they did comedy specials and i would pick their brain on how right you know yeah so i was very confident in what i needed you know and this didn't work. And so that put me, like, I was scared to spend my own money on anything. I was scared to do anything for 10 years. And then I shot a special on iPhones. I bought 10 iPhones. We lit the place right. Shot a comedy special, and then I returned the iPhones,

videotaped myself returning the iPhones, and got my money back. And I released that special. We sent that to Netflix. And at the time, not the people who are there now, but the people who were there before, I heard, they just said I wasn't famous enough to have a Netflix special. There's a lot of people that aren't very famous that have Netflix specials, though. Yeah, that could be argued. That could definitely be argued.

And so that was another, you know, so I just put that up on youtube it's called good luck everybody those are the two oh so those are available now yeah just go watch them yeah and the one that you shot with iphones good luck everybody i just how much did that cost to shoot it all with iphones uh it cost me i paid an editor so if i didn't pay him, it would have cost me less than $1,000. That's a great deal. Yeah, but the editor, it cost me maybe $8,000. Do you remember when Dave Vettel did something where he gave people in the audience cameras and let them film him?

Yeah. It was great. That's a smart move, man. Yeah, if you got something to say, it don't matter how the moment a moment is captured i feel like if you're saying something well just doing something like that i mean especially dave like dave is at his best if you've seen david tell he's at his best in these small crowds yes small audiences yeah like he was at the improv last week hilarious he went on dead last two audiences half gone yeah everybody's tired he's still hilarious he's fantastic man i used to go up after him a lot at

the cellar and it was like it was beautiful just the way he would yeah man i love watching him work he's a real like a real master of his craft yes you know and a real veteran yeah you know yeah nothing's gonna shake this dude and he's got so much material he's always writing like constantly writing you know chain smoking and writing i know i know yeah man so yeah so those are the two that i've done but nah not yet hopefully somebody approached me to because i have some stuff that i really would love to yeah man we got to get you out there we got to get you out there yeah i mean the store right now is so crazy how many talented people are there yeah man dio von lit that place on fire last night he's dope i want i don't want to tell any of his bits

but god damn he had me crying it's like there's so many people right now that are so good it's weird it's like the level at that place it's like never before yeah never before i mean i started there in 94 and the level was terrible wow there was a bunch of bodaks yeah a bunch of guys from the road that like they had started out there in the 70s and they were still around they had the same act i mean there was some literally some people that started out there in like 78 and they were still floating around in 94 and they were just fucking terrible it was death and then somewhere around 2000 and maybe like four or five started picking back up yeah and it was pretty good for a couple years then i bolted in 2007 after the

carlos mencia thing and i didn't come back until 2014 and now it's just hot i've never seen it like this never seen the like this this. There's so many funny guys. The lines around the corner, too, are so inspiring. It's amazing. And the store helped me tremendously, especially the OR, because you can't

charm your way through a bit. You have to know what you came to say. And I love that. I love that it challenges you as an artist to really, all right, yeah, okay. Like you can't giggle and be like, ha, ha, ha. Right, right. You see people try, too, and it's ugly. It's terrible.

It's an audience filled with comedy nerds. Yeah. You know, there's a lot. It's a different place now. Yeah. It used to be like you could get away with way more there. It's now at the level so high. It's just the expectations are so high. It's just the expectations are so high.

It's great, man. It's the best place to build that muscle. Because then when you go anywhere else, it's like. I know. It's running with weights on. Yeah. But listen, man, I'm glad we got you in here. Thank you, man.

And I'm going to see you tonight. And you're going to be on the benefit that we're doing. I'm doing it, yeah. My friend Justin Wren. Can't wait. That's December 6th. That's sold out, folks. Yes. That's for the Fight for the Forgotten. I'm doing it, yeah. From my friend Justin Wren. Can't wait. That's December 6th. That's sold out, folks. Yes.

That's for the Fight for the Forgotten. They build wells in the Congo and that's going to be at the Comedy Store. It'll be you and me and Tom Segura, Tom Papa. A lot of Tums.

Tony Hinchcliffe. Let's get it. And Whitney. Whitney Cummings. Hey. Powerful. All right. We'll see you guys soon.

Cool. Thank you. Owen Smith, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Oh, what's your Twitter? Tell people. Owen Smith, 4Real. Number four. Number four, yeah. And Instagram? Same thing. Same thing. All right, beautiful. All of them. Thanks, brother. Yeah. Thank you. Owen Smith, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Oh, what's your Twitter? Tell people. Owen Smith, 4real. Number four.

Number four, yeah. Number four, real. And Instagram? Same thing. Same thing. Same thing. All of them. Thanks, brother.

Yeah, thank you.