The Joe Rogan Experience - #105 - Bryan Callen (Part 2)

Episode Date: May 9, 2011

Joe sits down with Bryan Callen.

stupid little fucking tube of paper that sucks in dangerous chemicals. And you're telling me that I should be worried about the end of the world? Your end of the world is happening right now. I'm watching it. You're inhaling. You're addicted to a fucking little stick. So true. Yeah, your end of the world is already here, stupid.

God damn. The world is not necessarily predetermined. Who knows how this is all going to turn out? That's part of the fun of the movie. That's part of the fun of the theatrical. That's part of the fun of the theatrical production that is your life. It's true. If we knew everything that was going to take place,

it would be so boring. It would be boring. If you knew that you were now in heaven and you get to bang some chick anytime you want for the rest of your life and you get to eat all the food you wanted for the rest of your life, you think that it would be awesome.

But it's not. Not without risk. As a human being. Not without failure. You think that it would be awesome, but it's not. Not without risk, not without failure. You need all those things. As a human being, you need to reach. Struggle. You need struggle.

It's part of, we are some sort of a monkey that creates things. And if we don't create things, whether you create ideas, whether you create relationships, whether you create houses, whether you create jokes,

whatever the fuck you put forth, that's what makes human beings happy. If you're just living in the clouds, banging chicks and eating food, you would fucking live in hell. You don't think you would, but eventually you would be in hell. You would be in some weird situation where a giant part of what it is to be a human is removed from the equation. And it just goes back to what we talked about with welfare. You got to work to get something. You can't just get it. There has to be a struggle or you don't evolve. And as soon as you introduce the option of no struggle, you introduce the option of, you know, and people think that the

struggle is over financially. It's one of the reasons why when people are successful, a lot of people go, oh man, he sold out. Oh man, you know, he's not hip anymore. The struggle is never financial. The best part about overcoming the financial struggle is now the struggle gets to be about thoughts and ideas. Now the struggle gets to be about creating shit. Now the struggle gets to be about getting to the center of what the fuck this is. Getting to the center of what is this life?

And you can, guess what, you can think about what is this life a whole lot more when you're a comedian that gets to wake up at one in the afternoon and doesn't necessarily have to do anything all day. And you can sit in front of your computer drinking coconut juice and smoking pot and reading online. You can think things through in a manner that the average person does never get a chance to do. You never have that opportunity. And that's where you get paid for it, too. That's what kind of stand-up is, putting it into a funny light, but kind of like surprising people with where you're taking your idea.

Yeah, that's what, I mean, yeah, it's putting forth something. You have to, and it's got to be hard, man. I write shit sometimes, and I'll fucking go over and go, man, this bit sucks. There's something missing in this bit. Like, I know it's there, but I don't know it's there. And then there's this thing that I've just figured out how to do, like, over the last couple years, where I used to have a theme. Like, I would say, okay, today I'm going to write about Viagra. We're going to sit down and we're going to write some shit about Viagra. And then I would start about that and maybe it would go in a

different direction, but not too far off path. Now I just sit down and I open up a page and I just let it go. I just get high as fuck and I let it all go. Whatever crazy thought I have. And then in the morning I get up sober and then I look at what I wrote and I go, what the fuck am I talking about? I write shit sometimes when I'm high and I go back and read it and I'm like, this doesn't even seem like it's me writing this. Like who the fuck wrote this? Does it make sense?

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it doesn't though. But that's part of the whole zone that you get into when you're creating something. You can't be afraid of looking silly. I knew you for so many years where you never even smoked a joint. I didn't do anything. What was your turn?

Did Stan Hope get you? No, no. Eddie Bravo. Eddie Bravo, for sure. 100%. He was really good at jiu-jitsu, and we were hanging out together just because we took classes together. And he gave me some private lessons and tied me up in a knot.

I was training with this other guy. I was taking private lessons with this black belt. He was a very nice guy. He had good intentions. But I could roll with him, but I knew his game. And you get to a certain point where you could roll with a guy, and I could tap him out and it's very rare but occasionally I could get him with something and part of it is him like being rolling nice with me and rolling easy with me

and let me get things but also I knew his game. Well when you start rolling with someone else you realize Oh, you got to roll with a bunch of different people. You can't just roll with one person because Eddie Bravo just went right through me. He just destroyed me. Part of it was because he was way better than me and really an amazing jiu-jitsu guy like he's a genius, a jujitsu genius, a true genius, every sense of the word. But it was also because I sucked. I thought I was good because I knew how to wrestle with one guy. I knew his weaknesses. I was physically a little faster than him. I can do things. But then I started rolling with other people. I was getting tapped all the time. I was like, oh, okay, I got to join class. So anyway, Eddie said, you know, I'd be happy to give you

some private lessons. I said, oh, awesome. So we got to join class. So anyway, Eddie said, you know, I'd be happy to give you some private lessons. I said, oh, awesome. So we went out, we got some lunch, get some private lessons, and we started talking about creativity and life and music and stuff because he's a musician. And he said that he writes his best stuff and he stoned. And I was like, that doesn't even make sense. Like, you're high?

I think when you're high, I was like, oh, you dope. You know, you loser. You know, like the moments in my life where I'd been drunk, I was embarrassed about those moments. I never like looked back at the time I was drunk like I can now. You know, now, you know, we're like, oh, we're fucking hammered and we're talking shit at the bar. It's fun. To me, you know, I'm in control of my shit now. So if me and Brian and Joey Diaz do shots in the green room in the Portland Helium.

I don't feel bad about that. I feel like we had a good time. It was crazy. The next day I had a headache. You know what I mean? But back then I was embarrassed about anything that I did that wasn't positive. And anything that I did that might make me a loser. Anything that I did that might keep me.

Make you vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was so adamant about how weed made him really creative. And I was like, all right, let's do this. Come on, pull over. So we smoked pot and then we had some ice cream. And it was amazing. It was the greatest ice cream I've ever had in my life. And I couldn't believe that marijuana made this ice cream so fucking good. I had an ice cream sundae with hot fudge.

And it was the most incredible. The sensation of eating the food was so heightened, I felt like a fool. I felt like I can't believe that all my life. And that started? Yes, that was it. You know, it was like I was talking to him, and he's this fascinating guy.

I mean, Eddie is a very fascinating guy. He's a free thinker. He had a really hard childhood, man. My childhood was not terrible. It wasn't the, it wasn't ideal. I had a lot of shit happen to me. I think a lot of us did, all of us here did, but his was horrific. And because of that, he developed this ability to just fuck you, like push people away, like focus on his goals and see things in a different way. You know, he had, he had this ability to like, he's got this ability to look at life and break things down a different way. You know, he had, he had this ability to like,

he's got this ability to look at life and break things down. And a lot of times when we have conversations, he comes at it from a completely different angle than I do, you know? And I like that about you too. You will often do that too. And Duncan will do that all the time. I love when people like, when I have a friend, that's a close friend, that's very smart, that will take things in a different way. And I don't necessarily always agree with them, but it's a, it's a fascinating thing. It's almost like you, if you, if you value their opinion and if you talk to them about things,

it's like you have one more, you out there interpreting, interpreting the world from another possible angle. It's so important. Yeah. And so I met him and right away I knew I'm like, this guy's smart as fuck. He's,

he's, he's a weirdo. He's figured out some shit about jujitsu. And if you can get that good at jujitsu, I'm like, you can get that good at a lot of things. Like you're a bad motherfucker. And he's a little's a little guy like eddie's not strong at all so he got really good at jiu-jitsu all based on technique and leverage and he does everything the right way

so you know you you learn from a guy like that so i i met him and i was like okay so obviously there's something good to this weed you can't think that it's all bad who do you think is the best uh i just i couldn't believe in my whole life i thought it was for losers I could just imagine you sitting there the first couple times He's like I can feel it in my hands Eddie Oh yeah it was totally like Complete rookie shit I remember Joey Diaz I said something to Joey Diaz once

He goes look at this fucking rookie Get the fuck out of here I forget what I said to him Some crazy rookie Pod experience To me I said to him, but it was some crazy rookie pod experience. To me, I was calling him like it was the most profound thing that I ever heard. He goes, get the fuck out of here with that rookie shit. What are you talking about?

We're getting high, motherfucker. That's what's going on. Joey Diaz will break things down. That is uncanny. We're getting high, cocksucker. That's just unbelievable. If you ain't high by 2 in the afternoon, go fuck yourself. There's actually a t-shirt that we put out on hire-primate.com.

Sold out instantly. We got new ones coming out, folks. I swear to God. I got a lot more this time. I'm buying as many as you can. And proceeds do go to the Joey Diaz weed fund. So all the t-shirt money is right now. He's got a fat check coming to him.

He'll keep them in weed for weeks. So that t-shirt should pay for all of Joeyey's weed for the rest of his life that's my goal if we keep you know if he makes enough money off this t-shirt every month just to cover all of his weed expenses plus a few a few nice dinners here and there i think it's a fucking winner of a shirt man i can't wait to wear it i don't even have one we don't even have one it says if you it's based on something you said once on the podcast. And by the way, he says all the time. It wasn't just that moment.

He says it all the time now. He says it all the time. He says, if you ain't high... He'll call me up sometimes and I'll answer the phone and just go, if you ain't high by two in the afternoon, go fuck yourself, dog. I ain't playing, dog. I ain't playing right now. I got the banana bread from the Russians. Fuck that banana bread.

That banana bread is the bomb diggity, son. No, it's not. Yeah, where is this banana bread? It's too psychedelic, right? That fucking gave me a heart attack. I'm a little blown away by your ideas and impersonations. Listen, cocksucker. I can only do a couple impressions, but I can do them.

It's not that good. If he was in the room, I could really do them. I can imitate people. It's as good as it gets, dude. I know, Joey. No, it's okay. Were you on mad tv during with when matt brunger was on no oh okay there's this guy we had on the show uh have

you ever seen ikea heights no what is that it's uh these guys that now this guy matt brunger who was also on mad tv we had him on uh thomas agura's and christina's show uh but he was talking about how he was on this uh thing that you can find on the internet. It's fucking hilarious where this comedy troupe goes into an Ikea. They do a CSI type show in the middle of Ikea without Ikea knowing. They have employees that are

part of the production that will take the employees of Ikea and get them distracted. Then they'll have full on guns and cops shootouts in the middle of a bedroom in Ikea. they used Ikea as a stage for CSI It's fucking hilarious It's one of the funniest things they had to stop doing it because they just were getting kicked out every episode like in the thing So these guys are actually doing a TV show and the set is Ikea? Yeah, and the set is Ikea. That's really funny.

That's great, and it's all improv using the set. It's IkeaHeights.com. Dude, they're in a kitchen now, and then they're in the basement. That's one of those ideas where you go, why the fuck didn't I think of that? I know. And I guess supposedly they can't do it anymore because they just got in too much trouble. Oh, please keep doing it. Change it to Walmart Heights.

The last one they did. No kidding, man. It's called Ikea Heights? Yeah, Ikea Heights. The last one they did man the last one like kia heights yeah kia heights the last one they did they had like a zombie attack or something like that so they just had tons of zombies but but i was thinking they could instead of doing it again and getting in trouble of kia act like they move like because like like you know how like in tv shows they move to different cities right and so like kmart kmart boulevard or something like that. Start doing it in Denny's?

Yeah. Just Denny's? Why not? And that'd be the whole show. I bet they probably will. We probably don't even need to give them that idea. If they thought of that idea, they couldn't have said like, this is it. I guess it's over.

They're kicking us out. No, they're going to go somewhere else. I can go to IkeaHeights.com or something. IkeaHeights.com and the podcast we had Matt on was Your Mom's House No. 14 at Deaf Squad on iTunes. Fucking hilarious, dude. That's a great idea. Every now and then, you know, one of those ideas comes along. We're like, wow.

Yeah. That's one of those. That's stellar. It is. It is stellar. That's fucking lovely. That's what I love about, you know, I love being in, like, the comedy community is such an interesting community. You know, I mean, it feels weird to even say that you're a part of it.

We all have this weird sort of, I don't know, don't you have like a weird sort of like humility about the business? And, you know, it's a weird thing to even say like, yeah, you know, I'm a pro, I'm a professional comedian. That's what I do.

It seems like, it all seems. I won't enter that discussion. It seems odd and weird. Somebody said to me, you know, you're professionally funny. My buddy, Jimmy Burke said, you are professionally, he saw. Somebody said to me, you know, you're professionally funny. My buddy. I know. Jimmy Burke said, you are professionally.

He saw the show. He goes, you are. I was like, oh, boy, that's a. It's a lot. So it's a weird thing. It goes contrary to the idea of being or what makes you funny in the first place. Yeah. But being a part of the community, like having people like you as a friend and having people

like, you know, Nick Swartzen come over and Carolla come over and all these people that I'm like, wow, Nick Swartzen's hanging out here. It's a privilege. Yeah. And Adam Carolla is really sitting there and you're really sitting there. It's the fucking greatest thing ever. The greatest community to be a part of. People who make you laugh. It's true.

And it's like part of this fraternity or something. I always feel like, you know, boy, when you've done the road and when you've been on stage and, you know, you've faced audiences who are so different, you don't know how they're going to respond. You've gone through something. We were at the backstage of the UFC and it was a big UFC event and the fucking

place was packed. But Jim Norton and Bobby Kelly showed up. And I saw Jim Norton and Bobby Kelly and I shot towards them like a slingshot. Like I made a beeline to them. Because I knew that's where the fun talk was going to be. Jimmy fucking Norton is there and Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly is hilarious. I've known Bobby Kelly since we were like 21.

I love Bobby. Bobby kills me. Bobby was with Al and the Monkees and Dane Cook. They were an improv troupe, and I was the headliner, and they would open for me. We did a bunch of those Aku Aku's, Dick Doherty comedy huts. So we worked together a bunch of times when those guys were just coming up. I was like a couple of years ahead of them. Oh, wow.

So I hung out with Bobby Kelly back in the day. So I've known him since we were little. So you may have known Bob and Dane for a long time. Sure, I've known Dane forever. I knew Dane before he ever did stand-up, like on his own. He did it in a troupe. He did it in Alan the Monkeys. What they would do is they would do sketches, and you know, they were

taking chances. It was creative stuff. And then they would each do stand-up. They would each do like five minutes of stand-up. And then I would go on stage after them. And it was like, it was kind of like, I wouldn't say like they were opening, but it was so much different than an opening act. They had a lot of shit going on. It was interesting. Funny guys, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, and you know, so I've known Bobby since, like I since like i said i was like 24 you know and he was probably a couple years younger than me like maybe 21 that's crazy so i see them and man like it's what you're saying it's like these are these are like these are like soldiers they're like feller fellow uh fellow travelers in this weird world of show business yeah it's i have a lot of pride in it i do too i was i did a New Year's Eve show and I was in Ontario at the improv and it was just packed and we were about to count off New Year

and I remember just stopping and I had the mic in my hand and I went, I really meant this to her. I said, you know, I feel like a successful person. Like I can't believe I get to do this for a living. And I said, if I die tomorrow, I can't complain comparatively

to how most people have to live their lives, their treasury. And I get paid do this for a living. And I said, if I die tomorrow, I can't complain, comparatively to how most people have to live their lives, their treasury. And I get paid to make people laugh for two hours a night, and I get to do whatever I want, when I want. It's incredible.

But like the lottery, it's not easy. Never easy, because you've got to keep reinventing yourself. There's a lot of weird shit that goes on in the creating of material and the going up there and fucking around with it.

Dude, and it never gets easy in a way. Like, like it really doesn't but that's why it's so satisfying when it comes out i just did just like we were talking about with welfare and the lottery and all that shit you you with you have to have the only thing that's different to me is relationships relationships i want no work yeah i agree i want friendliness and love that's a good point i don't want any work that's a good point I don't have to work for that. I don't want to fight all the time. There's people that think that you have to fight, and I think that's a crock of shit.

You just got to find someone. Be a nice person and find someone that doesn't want to fight. Comedy is one of those things. I just did a benefit with Gary Shandling and Kevin Nealon and Brad Garrett, who killed me, and Ray Romano. Where did you guys do this? At the Wilshire Theatersres for children with AIDS. And it was his last weekend.

And we all went up and did it. We all each did it. I did a half hour. But the rest of the guys did like 20 minutes. And we just had so much fun. It was so fun. And everybody was hilarious. And Brad Garrett fucking killed me.

I opened up for him in Long Island. Dude, he's so funny. I opened up for him at Eastside Comedy Club in 1991. He was killing Doris Roberts and she was in the audience. She was like, how old are you? She was 91 when she did this show. How are you? Drinking? Are you drunk, sweetie? He was killing everybody. This black woman

was in the thing and she was really old. He goes, look at her from the Civil War. It must be so different now for you, isn't it? I mean, killing him. He was amazing. He's just so irreverent, but he was fucking killing the room and then we were all backstage and I'm with

Gary Shandling and all these guys are in some ways you know big they've done a lot of stuff in comedy for 20-30 years and they were all talking about how

they just all have so much reverence for comedy and it's still not easy no matter what and it's still a challenge and you're still you better respect that bitch

you better respect that you better respect that bitch because if you don't you'll be up on stage realizing you didn't respect it and eating it and there's a bunch of people paid to see you don't it's so true that motivates the fuck out of me never gets old you're gonna be on stage for an hour my friend bring the money you said that one time i did i remember a long time ago this was fucking 13 years ago i did friday nights or something that you were emceeing. And I got up and I did this weird story. And you were like really complimentary. You said, you know, you do the most unusual shit.

He goes, but you can never do that shit on the road in some cities. They'd be like, fucking, you got to bring the money. If you're going to do an hour, you got to bring the money. Guess what? You got to be fucking funny for an hour because people lose their attention span. That room gets quiet quick. Even if you're famous. Michael Richards, I don't care who you are.

More so. Because people get angry. They're on your side for five minutes. You got five, maybe seven, maybe if you're Brad Pitt. And then, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup, hiccup. And it just fucking tumbleweeds. It turns the other way. You hear a dog bark in the distance and they fucking hate you.

Yeah, it turns the other way quickly. Charlie Sheen. Do it off stage. What a surprise. Monetizing his madness, as one of my friends says. That is a good way of putting it. Jeremy Piven said that. He goes, monetizing.

Jeremy Piven's a smart guy. Yep. That is what it is, sort of. I mean, it's also, you know, he's trying to figure out some way to get the public on his side. Because he's got some giant lawsuit coming up. He's fucking crazy. You think? I mean, winning.

Winning. Winning. It's called winning. He's, he's, uh. With the goddesses. That's a guy. Poor fuck. That's a guy.

Cocaine. And, and who just hasn't been living in the real world. Cocaine confidence. That's 25 years of fame, by the way, in Hollywood. You're an alien. Seven gram rocks. Winning. And Warner Brothers still has his big poster on their studios.

Seven gram rocks. Yeah, Brian thinks it's all a scam to make Two and a Half Men the biggest show ever next season

when he comes back in his triumphant return. He thinks it's all orchestrated. The Warner Brothers still has a huge banner of their show on their studios.

Choking porn stars. Almost threatening to stab his wife. Winning. Has he got a lawsuit coming from him? Yeah, he does. Apparently, according to Hollywood Insiders. Oh, you mean, Almost threatening to stab his wife, winning. Has he got a lawsuit coming? Yeah, he does. Apparently, according to Hollywood Insiders.

Oh, you mean from CBS? Yes. Apparently, according to Hollywood Insiders, he actually has a very good point. Because the guy didn't show up for work late. It wasn't like he was missing shoots and costing them money. He was always fucked up. They knew he was fucked up from a long time ago. They hired him under the premise that he was this party animal.

And guess what? That's what he fucking plays on the show. He plays a watered-down version of the real-life Charlie Sheen. Yeah, exactly. This sounds like a big dick contest. That's what it sounds like.

It sounds like him and that guy who's the executive producer, they're waving the dicks around. Chuck Lorre. Yeah, the executive producer doesn't want this junkie back on his set

and he wants to move on, but he's going to ruin a lot of fucking people's jobs. Actually, what they say was that he was able to strangle a girl and everything else and then he made fun of Chuck Lorre on that radio show and that's when he got fired.

Well that Chuck Lorre guy, we talked about on the show before about all the shows that he's produced. He produced Grace Under Fire, he produced Roseanne, he produced Sybil, he had a deal with cunt after cunt after cunt and he developed the ability to put his fucking foot down. Yeah, he did.

And that's why he's so successful. He's fucking good at what he does. That guy's got a gang of TV shows. And listen, man, the bottom line is Charlie Sheen was probably very creatively unfulfilled. And it's not to say that Two and a Half Men wasn't a good show, because quite honestly, I never watched it. I've never seen a single episode. It's not bad. I watched like maybe one scene once.

I'm happy for John Cryer. He's the nicest fucking human being on the planet. Yeah, I met him a long time ago. We did a college together. Oh, did he do stand-up? I didn't know that. I think he did.

I'm pretty sure it was him. He's about the nicest. He was in a movie before then. I couldn't believe that I saw him. He was one of the first guys I ever saw that had been in a movie. I did a stand-up at this college and then he did something else

that was like bigger in the same college. Pretty in Pink, right? Yeah. It was something, yeah, somewhere on those, I'm pretty sure it was John Cryer, a long, long, long time ago, but the point is that, you know, he probably, I mean, the guy was in fucking Platoon and Wall Street, he was in two huge Oliver Stone smash movies, I mean, and they were brilliant performances, so when he's playing this silly guy in this silly show, year after year,

making mad, mad loot, the money piles up, but then the ability to break away from the mundane becomes more and more extreme, just like the Catholic girl that wants to suck a dick. That's exactly right.

If you're not being challenged as a grown man, you're going to give yourself a fucking problem. You're going to find a way to challenge yourself. You're going to create a problem for yourself.

That shit happens all the time. Somebody gets exactly what they want, and they're a little too young to handle it, or they get exactly what they want, and they don't have the imagination to figure out where else they can grow. They get into fucking trouble. Too much money, no imagination, and you didn't earn it? Even if you did earn it, you're good.

What I do respect that Charlie Sheen's trying to do is apparently he's trying to evolve his show. So he's bringing in comics, and Russell Peters is going to come on. He's going to tell us about it, becauseen's trying to do this. Apparently he's trying to evolve his show. So he's bringing in comics. And Russell Peters is going to come on. He's going to tell us about it. Because Russell's been opening for him. He's great. Someone please on Twitter verify Russell Peters.

The real Russell P. That's him. He's great. He can't get verified. Wait, he's having guests on the show or comics opening for him? Comics. What they do is the comics will interview him. There's a video of him interviewing Russell Peters where, Russell Peters rather, interviewing Charlie Sheen where Charlie Sheen talks about accidentally leaving his gun out and Kelly Preston was living with him and she dropped the gun and shot her.

It shot the toilet and it ricocheted and hit her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got hurt. How does that happen? That's, you know, dropping a gun. Crazy junkie shit. Dropping a gun though, I don't think that usually goes off. Yeah, it very well could have been a lie.

Charlie just has good writers for this show. They've probably learned from the mistakes of the past that they actually have to make this thing interesting. Yeah, well, that's what they're doing now. But, I mean, this story is a true story. But apparently, who knows how much of it is true. But Russell Peters was interviewing him. And then Russell says a bunch of really funny lines in between it and just fucks around with it.

And so now it's sort of become sort of a show. But I think they need to incorporate other things. They need to incorporate music and some other shit. I think it should just end. I haven't thought about Charlie Sheen in like three weeks. Yeah, but that's you. That's you. He's got a story.

He's got something there. There's some sort of an interest. As he moves through the country, he starts dragging together a show. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I mean, it's kind of fascinating. Who knows? I mean, look, the guy that...

Whoever the fuck the guy is inside of him that was the guy that was in Wall Street or was the guy that was in Platoon, that guy's a bad motherfucker. And if you could find who that guy is, you know, people lose their way and regain it. It happens, you know? And it might be through this humility that he gets out of getting fired people lose their way and regain it. It happens, you know, and it might be through

this humility that he gets out of getting fired from his fucking job and bested in this big dick contest. I don't think he has that much money either. What?

Dude, he's got like a hundred million bucks or something. I don't know. A lot of it might be in real estate. A lot of it's, you know, a lot of times.

Dude, he was making more money than any human being had ever made on a sitcom. Yeah. He was making two million dollars a fucking episode. Yeah, he's definitely got money. He's got some cash. If he doesn't, he's crazy. He made on a sitcom. Yeah. He was making $2 million a fucking episode.

Yeah, he's definitely got money. He's got some cash. If he doesn't, he's crazy. He almost bought a hooker hotel. There was an article about him not having that much money. Really? Yeah, but that's some haterade. No.

Haterade? Yeah. I've never heard that before. That's awesome. What? You never? You, the internet guru, has never heard of haterade? Put Charlie Sheen.

Put Charlie Sheen. Haterade is old, dude. I bet you if you look up Charlie Sheen bankruptcy or Charlie Sheen spent money, you'll see. I bet you're hoping right now, wishing Charlie was going broke. Meanwhile, Charlie's winning while you're here doing your podcast.

Great. Good stuff. It's really traveling well. It's doing well for you. It's a big time production here. Was that real foam over that microphone? It's Joe Rogan. Running. It's Joe Rogan, and he's very good at what he does.

I want to poop back and forth for you. Good luck, Charlie. Smoke weed and stay away from that cocaine. Yeah, that's always what's bad. Those highs, those are not the good highs, bro. Yeah, weed is fine. Blow always. Nobody ever did blow and went, yeah, I had all these problems.

I did a bunch of blow, and then it fucking worked out. Yeah. In the history of the world, that's never been said. Yeah, that's not good. That stuff's bad for you. That stuff fries your fucking noggin. Did you know Jimi Hendrix died when he was 27? Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

So did Janis Joplin. So did Kurt Cobain. So did Jim Morrison. Jim Morrison. Isn't that weird? Whenever I have any sense of delusions of grandeur, just look at what Jimi Hendrix accomplished when he was only 27. Fucking 27. With no internet. How about what what Jimi Hendrix accomplished when he was only 27 with no internet.

How about what Zeppelin did when they were 24? You hear that? Kashmir and Led Zeppelin they were like 23, 24. That's ridiculous. Ridiculous. Think about that. They were all educated. They all read a shitload.

Jimmy Page has a whole fucking library. A huge library on black magic and stuff. Jimmy Page has a whole fucking library, like a huge library on black magic and stuff. Wow. Jimmy Page is a scholar. He reads, those guys have read a lot. I had this conversation. It was a different standard

back then. I had this conversation the other day with the lovely Brittany Palmer. She's one of the ring girls at the UFC. She's very nice girl. She's hanging out.

She's dating my buddy. Donald Cerrone, yeah. No, she's dating, yeah, she's dating my buddy Anthony now. Powerful. Your friend Anthony's getting some of that? Yes, my buddy's a writer.

I just saw Britney. Anyway, she's a very nice person, and she is fascinated by the 70s and the 60s, and she's a painter, and she's making all these different paintings. We were having this conversation. I'm the same way. When I listen to music,

nine times out of ten when I'm driving in my car, I'm listening to my iPod, and it's usually like some 1970s Zeppelin or some 1970s Allman Brothers or Leonard Skinner. That shit to me just resonates. When I listen to old music from that era, for whatever reason, it just resonates. And I'm trying to figure out, what is it about that time? What is it about the Jimi Hendrix? What is it about Jim Morrison?

Was it just because it was the first of that time? What is it about the Jimi Hendrix? What is it about Jim Morrison? Was it just because it was the first of that shit? Was it because it was the first of this giant evolutionary breakthrough? I think it's a combination of a number of things. One is that a lot of people back then thought their music was accounted for something. In other words, they thought that their music could actually change something.

And a lot of what happens with artists' cynicisms at times have a certain cynical stamp on them. And I think we what happens with artists is cynicisms at times have a certain cynical stamp on them. And I think we live in a very cynical time. The notion that nothing you do as an individual, certainly as an artist, could change anything at all. That's very prevalent among artists. So you don't have people who are doing stand-up, for example, to try to break a social norm or shatter a social norm. You certainly don't have a lot of musicians saying, my music is actually going to influence the political atmosphere. Remember, it was after we had been through in the 70s,

we'd just been through and we're going through a terrible war in Vietnam. And you know how many people died? 54,000 men were killed. That's a huge number where if you compare the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, it was 4,000 deaths and a lot of injuries. But I'm just saying that in a very short period of time, we'd also been through a world, we'd been through a number of, we were in the

Cold War, we'd been through World War II, and everybody had an active memory of that. That shit, life really counted and mattered, and people didn't live as long. And there was this idea that you better hurry up and get through it, and make your fucking stamp while you still have an opportunity. Because if you looked around and let's take 1974, and you looked around at the world, half the world was starving to death.

And half the world was living under communist dictatorships, which was essentially slavery. And half the world was a very dangerous place in that war. And by the way, there was an arms race called the nuclear arms race between the soviet union and the united states and a lot of people really were like you know what we could all fucking just blow up the next war is going to be where the cockroaches and the rats are the only things living and there's always there was always that saying that if there is a third world war i think was einstein who said the the fourth world war will be fought with sticks the living the living will yeah and the living will envy the dead, right?

That whole idea, because you'll be... He said, I don't know what's going to start the Third World War, what weapons will be used, but the Fourth World War will be fought with sticks. That's such a great quote. But the point is that I think when you live in times of great uncertainty and times of great hope and times of great violence, remember, in this country, we've come off a number of assassinations,

Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, John Kennedy, Joe Kennedy, and it goes on and on. I mean, there was this notion that we were in a real battle and a real social battle for our souls, man. You had governments sending young boys off to die in a war. Most people hadn't even heard of that fucking part of the world. And there was this idea that we're losing. We got to get in the streets and say something and do something.

More importantly, if we do so, shit will change. And people were getting hosed down. And black people didn't have the vote until 1964. It was only 10 years old. So when you think about how extreme things were, not only that, but how uncertain and how it was the beginning of so many different ideas that were competing that when when you get a very term a society in turmoil usually and and what's very positive about is you want a cross current of ideas you want ideas

bashing heads like fucking rams and and when you have that provided you keep the violence out of it but there's always going to be a little violence but when you have that and people are who who where they're fighting for their souls with an idea you're going to get something pretty fucking cool and you're and you're going to get certainly very volatile artistic expression and a lot of that expression can very well be uh miles davis who was saying i'm a black man in America with, you know, and I still don't feel free or whatever it might be. Or you could have Bieber. Well, Bieber is candy compared to think about it. How much music counted back then?

Right. Jazz was the only place that a lot of black people could really express themselves honestly through a fucking horn. So if your heart's broken, you either sing it or you shoot it through a horn, because if you say otherwise, you're going to get fucking hung or shot or arrested. That's what it was to be black in the 1940s, 50s, 60s, and even the 70s for a lot of them. That's the bottom line. It goes on and on. So things were way more extreme. And I think in today's world where everything's at the touch of a button, where everybody has plenty to eat, even if it's not healthy food, and we feel safer

and I think we're cynical I don't believe that what we do and what we say can really change the world and back then you did you think it's the numbers? just too many humans now? no I mean there's still people like rated against the machine that kind of believe in the same kind of shit I think we're going to face another

we're always going to face challenges as people and as a world. And those challenges may very well bring into question our own survival. I don't think so for a long time. I don't know. You know what's really changing the world? This thing we're on right now, the internet. This is the big change.

Very much. The way we are right now, our parents were never like this. That's right. These conversations were never held. And it gives more potential, Joe, for the notion that all of us could get together and springboard into an idea. A major shift

in consciousness. With something like this. Right now, live, there's 2,000 people listening to us live. This is a tiny fraction of the amount of people that will listen to us over the next few months. It's going to be hundreds of thousands of people. And these people, when they start looking at the world the way you're talking about it, the way, you know, stepping back and describing and saying, what is it?

What is it to live with passion? What is important in this life? What is the fun? Where's the enjoyment? Where's the real, true passion in this world? Like, what is it for you? What is it for you? And if you don't fucking find that,

your life's not going to be fun. That's right. And if don't get saddled down by debt, don't get caught up in a lot of important things. But also piggybacking on that great point is you've got to find a way to keep yourself inspired. Yeah. Find ways. I don't care what it is.

Just look around. Well, truly be doing what you enjoy doing. You do have to constantly stoke those fires. And one of the things about stand-up is the fear of bombing also gives you another added incentive

and motivation that I think some artists are without. That's right. You know, when they just produce books or just produce, you know,

they just wait for reviews, but the fear of actual physically being in front of someone when they don't like you, that's so much more intense than a shitty review. It sure is

because you feel it right away, man. Yeah. And it's not, it was just, I mean, look, just life is temporary and we all need to wrap our fucking heads around that. If we all just step back, this whole world is moving on momentum. And that is our number one problem as a race. We're moving in the way that our ancestors have been moving and we don't, no one ever just stops and goes whoa whoa whoa let's just settle down and talk this over let's have a 30-day summit where we're all the leaders of the world get together and try to figure out how are we going to redesign the human race to make us all function together how is there going to be a a reasonable distribution of the natural resources of the earth

so that one country doesn't grow rich because they have the fucking missiles and the nuclear bombs and that somehow or another it's distributed amongst everyone so we get to some sense of fairness and all work together to make sure that people don't have too many fucking babies so we don't run out of food on this crazy rock like let's let's let's organize this thing let's do it together the only way that's going to happen is the kids that are in college right now who are listening to shit like this who are going online and researching the world and looking at things in a way that we never had the the ability to and the access to information that we never had access to and they're they're getting a chance to see the world from a fresh eye and fresh perspective and realize that

this is some weird thing we're all running in the same direction hoping that someone knows where we're going that's right they're they hoping that someone knows where we're going. They're the future. You, you college motherfucker with the bong right now. This is for you. Change the world. Children are our future. There'll be some in the system right now that will be sensitive to it and the next wave will integrate

and the next wave of people that are trying to be politicians will be like Gary Johnson, will be like Ron Paul. They'll realize there's freedom and love in telling the truth and really trying to do the right thing instead of being some bitch to a corporation, which is what most politicians are. Most politicians are little hookers. They stick their ass up in the air,

and some corporation comes by and drops some money in their pussy. And that's what they are. And that's what we have to realize. You don't have to be like that. What the fuck? Who cares? The Fear Factor guy and the guy from The Hangover 2 are telling you how to run this world. Take notes.

Blame the weed for the last five minutes of this rant. This has been a good podcast. But it's true, man. And I hear, and not to say that this is why we're doing it, but I hear it all the time that this podcast changes the way people think. And I think having a guy like you in my life has definitely changed the way I think. And I think, you know, all of us together, we help each other. And I'm very happy and very proud that we can, they can put out this resource, not just for entertainment, this podcast, but also,

you know, it gives you an opportunity to hear another point of view that you might not come in contact with in your life. I don't know too many people like you, you know, it's, and it's hard to cultivate them. I've done a real good job of trying to keep as many interesting people in my life as possible because I think it's, it's enriching. And I love, you love conversations with you. We have the craziest fucking conversations, but we have had more on a regular basis since I put together this podcast than we have in the last few years. I know. That's why I like doing it. That's why I call you up. I'm like, I want to do your podcast so we can hang out and talk.

Yeah. We're very lucky. You get busy in life. You do get busy. This is actually, these are great conversations that we have. They're fucking awesome. That you never really do when you're just hanging around. Because a lot of it's grab ass.

You're just getting distracted by a bunch of other people. It's focused. When you're forced to sit down and focus and talk about what's important to you, you figure things out as you're talking. Well, could you imagine all the people that are, if you imagine if you're standing in front of 400,000 people, you would never feel so free to talk and be boring. My God. You'd be terrified.

I'd be releasing dogs. I'd do whatever I could, man. Fucking 4,000 people. We did 50 with Jimmy Norton. We did a crowd of 50, and it was definitely a different experience. We're going to do more of those. We're going to do more of those. We got three this week.

We got Rent is Easy tomorrow, and then we got Doug Benson on Wednesday. All right, bitches. Thank you to the Fleshlight. If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link and enter in the code name Rogan, you'll get 15% off the number one sex toy for men you want one did i ever give you one no i got some oh yeah yeah you gave me one i'll give you one did you use it did you fuck holes in it already i don't know what you're talking about joe listen subscribe to uh death squad on uh itunes it's uh brian reichel aka aka red band

he's got a whole network of funny comedians that we were we're all friends with and they have a bunch of different shows. Your Mom's House with Tom Segura is particularly excellent, as is The Skeptic Tank with Ari Shaffir. That's a fucking awesome one. And then The Naughty Show with Sam Tripoli. We have Lexi Bell tonight on The Naughty Show. Yeah, they're really fun. And if you're looking for some free entertainment, it's available on iTunes and on DeathSquad.tv.

San Francisco this weekend, almost sold out. Get on it, bitches. Don't sleep. I got a lot of new shit. I haven't been in... Come to Edmonton Comic Strip this week. Yeah, come to... Where is it?

Edmonton? Edmonton Comic Strip. In Alberta, Canada, which is the shit. Come on by. So me, Sam Tripley, and Tom Segura at Cobb's. I believe it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I think Saturday's already sold out, and most of Friday and Thursday are sold out too.

Sal's Wednesday. This Wednesday, Sal's Comedy Hole in LA. 8 o'clock. If you go to sal'scomedyhole.com it's a very fucking sketchy place. They don't have real... You can't buy tickets online. You can RSVP though. You can call up and RSVP.

There's only 80 seats. It fills up and it's fun. It's like an old school New York kind of spot where they did alternative comedy. You know what I mean? It's a good place to fuck around. I sometimes will go on stage with just an idea there and just rant. You know, it's a really, it's only like 80 or 90 people. I got a whole thing I want to do on the Prince there.

Shazam, me too. I'm going to do it first. Oh, shit. I'm going to write my Prince note as soon as we get out of here. All right, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. We'll see you tomorrow. I love you bitches