The Joe Rogan Experience - #106 - Steve Rannazzisi

Episode Date: May 10, 2011

Joe sits down with Steve Rannazzisi.

The Joe Rogan Experience Ladies and gentlemen, live, May 10th, Tuesday, 2011, a year and several months before the end of time, Steve Renazzisi has joined us. Thank God I got here now. Does it feel like it, man? I wouldn't want to be booked after the end of time. Yeah, you don't want that, man. You see the Mississippi shit? It's crazy, man.

Fucking people. Mother Nature is not fucking around. The Mississippi River is like three miles past where it's supposed to be. So many houses are flooded so many people are fucked yeah it's not supposed to be in the city of mississippi yeah it's fucking water it's in memphis did they rain for a while is that what happened oh yeah yeah they had rain and and you know there's also they're they were blowing down the army corps of engineers was blowing down levees on purpose yeah to flood farmlands weeks ago because they were worried

about this happening wow yeah it's fucking essentially they were picking and choosing which places they were like all right you guys you guys will be all right we'll help you out we're gonna blow down the levees over here so the water would rush out so it wasn't going towards heavy populated residential areas wow it uh it's crests in mem now. Wow. Residents are being evacuated in the city of Memphis. Yeah. It's in the city. God. That's insane.

The river crested at 48 feet, falling short of its all-time record, but still soaking low-lying areas with enough water to require a massive cleanup. They're fucked. Yep. The crazy thing about something like that, too, is there's nothing you can do.

With all that water coming in, what are you going to do? Are you going to build a new dam all and where's the water gonna go when you dam it up where's it gonna go you got a lake ready did you build that too you can't do shit no you just have to let it dry hope it doesn't rain again our little baby existence is so fragile and we set up these camps next to these natural things like rivers and oceans we just assume that well it's been this way for a year, it's going to be this way next year, and it's a good spot to build a house.

I don't know. I'm not that smart. But do you think when we were in the wilderness, right, and floods happened, they probably just didn't go as close next time, right? They probably were like, all right, this is where the water came last time. Let's move back a little bit. Well, the bottom line is...

Why are they building still? The whole idea of living in one place is only a few thousand years old. Just a few thousand years ago, we were nomadic. Yeah. And what we would do is move where the animals went. We'd move where the animals went, and then some asshole figured out seeds. And that's what fucked everything up. Once they could just get food right where they wanted to be.

I say it fucked everything up, but it made everything awesome, really. Who the fuck wants to follow around undulate herds of animals through the fucking savannah? You know, that would suck. Joe, I can't do your podcast because my family's leaving after a pack of buffaloes later on. I'm going hunting with Ricky Schroeder, and that's one of the options, to shoot a buffalo. Really? I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to kill a buffalo. I'm killing a boar, for sure.

With what, a gun, I assume? Rifle, yeah. I eat meat, you know, and I understand if you're an animal lover, but look, it's way more cruel to see an animal go through this whole system of factory farming and getting hung by their ankles and get their neck cut and they kick and spasm.

Some of the shit that you see in these videos, man, these animals have lived shit lives forever. I don't know how much of those videos is just one isolated, terrible incident in one terrible place where they don't follow the rules or if it's widespread, you know, it's, it's real difficult because neither side wants to be totally honest about how fucked up the, uh, the whole raising animals thing is, but it's bad either way. It's bad. And I'm trying to do my best to not eat anything that's, I try, I'm trying to stop eating burgers. I'm trying to do my best to not eat anything that's... I'm trying to stop eating burgers. I'm trying to stop eating anything that I think is possibly factory farmed.

You can get plenty of organic meat at Whole Foods and shit like that, where you know they're grass-fed and they're just wandering around. It's a better experience for the animal. I just think that the best way to do it is definitely hunting you know and i've never done it so and everybody who does it says it's this crazy fucking primal thrill my brother-in-law kills a a deer like right around christmas he goes with his buddies every year and then he you know kills it and cuts it up and he keeps meat it's a big meat locker and he eats venison all winter long he's like every year i'm when i'm the spring comes i'm done with the deer yeah i'll get one in the fall yeah if you shoot one venison you know one one deer rather that

venison can last you for fucking 10 months pack it up freeze it keep it in the freezer you're good to go you know how long a buffalo will last you if i shoot this buffalo i would have to give some of it away because i think some of you can't really even freeze long enough yeah because you can't freeze like meat for more than six months i don't think no this is right there's a certain amount of time yeah there's a certain amount of time i don't know i i eat chicken i'm like how old is this who cares it's frozen it's a big piece of ice those random routes really yeah like the back of your freezer you like at a refrigerator or you're in your freezer in my freezer in my freezer you know like yeah you know i'm talking about those bags of chicken for 12 i used to do that i don't need more but i i know exactly i've done it right well you're like i don't know what

the expiration dates scratched off you're like ah fuck it you know it's supposed to be really bad when you freeze something and then you thaw it out and then you refreeze it yeah you can't close to the thought out you got to eat it why is that because i think i don't fucking know someone told me that yes we should find that hope maybe maybe it's like the nutrients come out once i'm thinking halfway through that i was like fuck that's not that doesn't sound good the nutrients can come out once i didn't know that the straight dope why is refreezing food bad and if you ever have a question you can go to the goddamn internet if it'll load up i didn't

know certain things went bad like like campbell's soup or or uh spaghetti sauce don't they tell you to keep that stuff in like panic rooms like yeah that's what i that's what i'm saying like like i was looking at i think it was soup the other day or maybe it was pasta sauce you know in a glass container and that's been in the in the cupboard but it said uh you know there was actually an expiration date on it. I'm like, wait a second. I didn't think shit like canned Campbell's soup. God damn it.

Did I really? Maybe for legal reasons. Maybe for legal reasons. They have to in case you get sick or something like that. Yeah. That'd be, I don't know. Let's see who's calling. That'd be great.

That doesn't say. I've never killed, I've never shot a gun never no no that i recommend it's kind of scary i'm scared here's how why i'm scared about that right i'm scared i'm gonna get addicted to it i'm gonna enjoy it a lot and then i'm gonna buy a gun yeah but why are you scared about that well i don't know i'm it's not me it's that i just feel like if you have a gun in your house something will happen i have i don't have a gun in my house, I'm probably never going to get shot with a gun in my house. What are you talking about? Absolutely.

Don, that's a ridiculous way of thinking. Get a fucking gun. Better to have one and not need it than to need it and not have it. Period. I'm saying I've never shot a gun in my life. It's easy. You pull the trigger. Boom.

Thing goes off. But then I'm afraid that I'm going to get addicted to doing it. You're not retarded. I know. Dude, you would be out there sucking dicks for crack money if you had that kind of a brain. Yeah, no, no. I'm not. Just get a fucking gun.

I was scared to have one when I used to do a lot of drugs and drink a lot because I thought I would be emotional and I'd be tripping. I would pull my gun out not thinking and then I'd do something stupid. But now I don't really. I still do that. It's a control issue. If you're worried about your own ability to control yourself, then yeah. There's a lot of hot-headed motherfuckers that shouldn't have a gun. A lot of people have pulled the trigger and then realized what they've done afterwards, and their whole life is ruined.

That's what I'm saying. You're not that guy. I'm not that guy, though. You're not that guy. No, no. You would have already had a bunch of, I'm not that guy, you're not that guy. You already have a bunch of self-control issues. This is how I put, I think, in my brain.

I say, if someone broke into my house with my family there, right? Right. Whether or not I have a gun, I'm going to want to kill them. If I don't have a gun, I'm going to try. If they're attacking my family, I'm going to try to find something to kill them. Having a gun will probably make that a lot easier. I'm going to probably try anyway. So having a gun.

Shotgun. Yeah. Get a shotgun. That's the move. Or just start collecting Lord of the Rings swords. That's not good enough, man. You think you can kill a guy with a sword? I have a samurai sword that's at my house right now, and I've been playing.

You've been practicing? You ready? I'm ready to do some fucking whatever Quentin Tarantino type killing. That's a fucked up way to kill somebody. Somebody broke into a guy's house, and a guy killed him with a samurai sword. It was like a year or two ago. A samurai sword? Yeah, he had a samurai sword.

That could go wrong. Fuck yeah, it could. get by the way the guy could take it from you and then you could die with your own samurai sword oh that would be the worst one of the worst baseball bats gotta be a bad one too this guy this guy from this website called a post-apoc he sent me a knife in the past well now he just sent me this huge he sent you one too he had one of those huge blades remember that that crazy knife yeah and so i'm like what do i do with all these knives this guy keeps on so i'm like hiding them around the house so now i have one under under my bed like if i have a bad hooker or something like that if you have a bad hooker you're gonna stab her with a gurkha knife

i used to keep a putter an old putter next to my bed and then like one day it just broke apart i was like thank god and now my buddy's a cop, gave me one of those ones that go whoop and the whole thing pops out. Baton. Baton. What are those? Is that what it's called? The baton? Retractable baton?

Yeah. And the whole thing just comes out. And it locks out, right? And it's metal. And it's locked out and it's metal. You can fuck somebody up with that. Badly. Do you remember those things they used to have when we were kids?

They were like leather and inside it was like lead pellets. What was it called? A blackjack? Mm-hmm. Do you remember those? My dad used to when we were kids? They were like leather, and inside it was like lead pellets. What was it called? A blackjack? Mm-hmm. Do you remember those? My dad used to tell me about those things. Yeah, man. Whatever happened to blackjacks?

They used to have those. Dudes would get whacked with those all the time. What's it look like? It looks sort of like a duck's beak. Okay. But it's made out of leather, and inside of it is like lead pellets. And it's got a handle on it, and it's like lead inside this leather. You can just crack somebody with this thing.

So it's kind of like a more high-tech version of like a sock with some marbles in it. Exactly, exactly. It's lead inside leather. High-tech, yeah. Yeah. Remember Brass Knuckles? Yeah. Yeah.

The Strong Island Boys used to carry around Brass Knuckles. That's a terrible way to fuck up your face. Just horrible brass knuckles. I remember my buddy that wasn't in them bought one, and I was like, what are you doing, man? It's like there's levels of shit that people try to do. It's like if you're using a weapon, brass knuckles are a weapon. You're basically, what are you trying to do? You're trying to almost kill them, or are you trying to kill them?

What are you trying to do? Because this is like some weird middle ground. You can kill someone with brass knuckles, but it's not totally your intent. If you put brass knuckles on, are you trying to beat a guy to death or are you just trying to really kick his ass easy? It's weird, right? Yeah, I mean, there was a kid in my college

that got into a fight and then hit a dude with a crowbar. Oh, God. And he killed him. He killed the guy. The guy died. It's like, you hit a guy with a crowbar. Oh, God. And he killed him. He killed the guy. The guy died. It's like you hit a guy with a crowbar. Oh, my God. You don't know what you're doing. You're not – he wasn't trying to kill him, but it's like are you just trying to end it quickly?

That's a horrible – you have to know you're in here. Can you imagine taking somebody's life? No. You took away years and years, Christmases. I know a dude who was working as a bouncer, and one of the guys he was working with punched a guy. And the guy fell down and hit his head on a curb, and that was it. Yep.

Dead. Yeah, that sucks. One punch. That sucks. Just fell, fucked up. You know, when people fall down outside, too, people don't realize that. When you fall, it's like getting hit by the world. Yeah.

Imagine if somebody hit you from five feet away with the earth. You know? Going 30 miles an hour or whatever the fuck it is when you fall. That's what it's like. You know? That's not good.

When you get knocked out, that's bad. When you get knocked out and you fall down and smash your head off the concrete, that's way worse. Yeah.

I've seen dudes many times go into seizures where they lock up and start snoring and making weird noises that is so bad for you brass knuckles yeah brass knuckles what is it with those stores that would sell that shit

and then weed pipes bongs yeah make up your fucking mind man what do you want to do which side of the story you have butterfly knives remember those butterfly knives what was what was the deal with those stupid things what a stupid knife if you have to do? Which side of the story? Do we have butterfly knives? Remember those butterfly knives? What was the deal with those stupid things? What a stupid knife. If you have to do a jazz move before you take your knife out, you're just like, and then you have your fucking knife out. Just pull out the knife. A jazz move. I remember as a kid having one of those knife blades that was a comb, and you were allowed to bring it to school. They didn't have a problem back then.

Oh, it was a switchblade comb. It was a switchblade comb. And you were allowed to bring that to school. I had one have a problem back then. Oh, it was a switchblade comb. You were allowed to bring that to school. I had one of those. Those were awesome. It was just a comb. Yeah, you thought you were slick as shit when you pulled that bitch out.

It's the same guy that thought of the candy cigarettes. You're like, what are you doing, man? What a weird fucking loophole that is. You can have candy that's pretend fucking poison. They still sell that. They still sell that. They still sell those. Could you imagine if they had candy for kids that said, like, had a skull and crossbones on it, XXX poison death, and that was candy. What if you saw, like, the candy man, the candy man, and the kids were cutting up lines and snorting lines of fucking, I don't know.

What are you guys doing? Right. It's Pop Rocks, dude. It's new shit. It's the new way to do Pez. What? You smash your Pez up and you stuff it up your nose. I don't know about that.

Sniff them licks. Right, exactly. What are you doing? Why is it okay to have catney fucking cigarettes? Why can't I get one vial of cool juice? You're shooting juice into your veins? Everyone does it now, Mom. It's no big deal.

It's awesome. It tastes really good. It stimulates a part of your brain that works on taste and does it through your veins. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What the fuck, man? What's funny? Candy cigarettes.

What's funny is those candy cigarettes is that they actually sell them still, but they can't call them cigarettes anymore. So they call them like candy sticks or something like that. So they're a candy stick, but when the end's red, it's lits. Yeah. The ones you used to put sugar at the end, you can blow it, and it would blow out smoke. Oh, I never had the deluxe ones. Oh, yeah. Brian, you did the fake cigarettes for a while, the electronic cigarettes, to try to get off the cigarettes?

Yeah, well, it was when they first were starting to come over, like maybe a year and a half, two years ago, when they first started to come over here from overseas. And so I had this idea, like I was doing a lot of reviews, like tech reviews and stuff. So I thought, hey, I want to quit smoking. I want to review this. So I contacted all these companies, and I was like, hey, you know, I want to review these things and make a video out of it. So all these companies sent me samples and products of their things. So for a couple weeks straight, I was smoking only electronic cigarettes. and make a video out of it. So all these companies sent me samples and products of their things.

So for a couple weeks straight, I was smoking only electronic cigarettes. And they had a cigar version too that you love, the cigar one. But then I noticed that I was spitting up blood. Yeah, it's got a chemical in it, right? It's got a chemical used in smoke machines like at dance clubs and stuff like that, like a fog machine. I forget the name of the chemical, but one of the negative parts about that chemical is it dries out. It will dry you out. It will dry your skin out, or if you put it in your throat, it will dry your fucking throat out.

So I was getting these lesions on my throat from my throat being so fucking dry that I started spitting out blood. So I pretty much was like, fuck doing a review. And I told all these people that sent me the product, I was like, look, I'm not going to do this review for you because I don't want to. I'm just going to bash what you're selling because bloody throat is a lot different than fucking inhaling smoke. When you asked the company, were they all electronic cigarette companies or were they other?

I know of one when I was trying, they tried to put these magnets behind your earlobe. What? Yeah. They gave me these magnets that you put behind your earlobe. I've seen that. What is that? And then it was supposed to stop your cravings for smoking cigarettes.

Did it work? I'd never tried. I think that sounds like bullshit. I'm sorry. This is kind of funny. This FDA release on these electronic cigarettes is actually kind of funny. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration today announced that a laboratory analysis of electronic cigarette samples has found that they contain carcinogens and toxic chemicals such as diethylene glycol, an ingredient used in antifreeze. It's amazing that they decided to release this press release.

What they're basically saying is the fake poison is poison. Yep. What about the real shit, you fuckheads? Why are you releasing this on these electronic cigarettes and not clamoring for the removal of cigarettes from fucking stores and grocery stores? I go to the grocery store and there's a goddamn cigarette carton area where you can buy poison. Yeah.

You can buy addictive drugs and don't do anything for it. Or they do something for you. They stimulate your... Stephen King said that when he quit cigarettes, his writing actually suffered a little. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a harder time firing his synapses up. It's probably because 20% of his head is thinking, I want a cigarette.

I want to just go outside and have a cigarette. You know what? He says his brain doesn't work as fast. I mean, I know it's a stimulant. It's some sort of a, it does something, you know? I'm almost a year done. I quit by hypnosis. Really?

Yeah. I got hypnotized three times. On the second one is the one you quit. I never had a cigarette. I smoked on the way in. Whoa. You smoked on the way in. They did the hypnosis.

Hypnosis. The hypnosis thing to me seems to only work if you really truly want it to work. You prepare for it. You go in there sort of like under the agreement that you're going to give into this experience and it's going to change you and if you believe that it's almost like a placebo effect for the mind here's how it worked for me if you can get hypnotized i can't i had said that well no i was never hypnotized here's how i put it if the doctor touched my dick i would have known about it but i was in another area like i would have been i wouldn't have been like i don't know now i you know someone says

chicken and i start blowing everyone in the room you know i never got to that point i don't know if i could ever be that guy but i was in a place like he would get me to a place where i was thinking about other shit and he i heard him like just being like no you're not a smoker anymore this is not part of your life and these are things that you you don't do anymore you don't need cigarettes it's not who you and he just kept repeating this shit but i was like oh i'm on a beach and then look at the fucking tits on that and then i'm like all like just going off in a different place and he just kept talking to me and then it would be over so you were you were listening to him and you were fantasizing about other different things i was

thinking about other things like he would be like think about whatever you want to think about and then you know you start doing like i don't want to think about anything but that yesterday when ari told me he didn't want to think about the ari and then you know you start doing like i don't want to think about anything but that yesterday when ari told me do you want to think about the ari and then you you're all over the place you can't not you can't not just think about nothing so while he while i'm off thinking about this he's literally like whispering but in a soft way like just this these things every once in a while i'd go back over here and be like what is what the fuck are you saying and be like i don't smoke yeah i don't smoke oh but i'm back over here and he did that for like five or six minutes wow to me that was the entire hypnosis part of it but the beginning of it like he'd

start off every session with like i knew i wanted to quit i i want i have to want to quit but i would go in there and those conversations like you know like oh you should quit smoking yeah no i know i know well you get you know it's cancer and, you should quit smoking. Yeah, no, I know, I know. Well, you know, it's cancer and everything. Yeah, no, I get it. It's that conversation that lasts for three minutes that now he's drawing it out for 40 minutes. He's like, no, no, it's not if you're going to die. It's when you're going to die.

And your son is going to come visit you in the hospital. And he's going to go into the room and he's going to see all the tubes going inside of you. How do you think that's going to make him feel? Do you think he's going's gonna i mean just painting like worst fucking case scenario and then he does the hypnosis thing and at the end it was um gave me like a little mantra to say whenever i had a craving and i haven't had a cigarette since since the moment i thought about it today today zero zero in the first day maybe you should do it you know your problem is brian you're a super super super skeptical you're so skeptical you would never be willing to give in to anything like that my sister had it done and she audio recorded it and i i wish i still had the cd because i used to listen to it

in my car and laugh my ass off and it was only one time for her that she went and it worked for two months but it was just like like this chick saying stuff like, Ew, cigarettes are going to gross. They make you look fat. Ew, you don't want cigarettes. And my sister was like, I don't remember any of this. Maybe this is like some lady devised her own technique. Yeah, her own technique.

Well, they all are their own techniques. I mean, what do you really have to say? I don't know. It's a good question. We could put a phone number right now and say we're hypnosis and that we cure cigarette people. We'd probably have three people call us tomorrow. I mean, what credentials do you need to – I didn't ask for a fucking diploma. I was in this guy's living room, like a garage area.

There was nothing nice around, but I just got through a referral from another person. But what do you need to – you don't need to be a doctor to do hypnosis, do you? Yeah, it's sort of a sketchy sort of a job. All psychiatrists do this because most of them don't need to be a doctor to do hypnosis, do you? It's sort of a sketchy sort of a job. I'll psychiatrist this because most of them don't really exist. I mean, there's some that are probably. Oh, what? Psychiatry? I mean, hypnotic people.

Hypnotic. Hypnotist. Not psychiatrist. Yeah. Hypnotist. It's like psychics. Like, is that real? You know what I mean?

Like, when you drive down the street and you see these fucking houses that have psychics in their house, you know, like psychic readings. Right. There's a lot down the street and you see these fucking houses that have psychics in their house, you know, like psychic readings. There's a lot down the street. Like as I'm driving to go get something to eat, I'll see these houses. And I think about stopping in. I did once when I was in New York. Like a neon sign that says psychic. You can open it like one in the morning.

Yeah, yeah. I went in and it was just a house, you know. It was just a small house. And it was in Manhattan. I forget where it was somewhere I was doing an audition and I had like an hour and a half to kill, so I said let me go get a fucking psychic reading, this bitch couldn't have been

more wrong about things in my life like more wrong, and how were you, were you like nope, I said yeah, no you're very close to your father, I haven't seen him since I was seven, it was like that kind of shit, it was just the worst she was terrible, I'm like, you're just guessing. And then I got,

I get angry. I'll go, this is just, I gave you $20 to fake me out and guess. I go, okay, thank you.

I learned. I learned my lesson. Those psychics are just like lazy people that bought a sign. You know, they're like, I don't want to leave

the house anymore. I'm just going to be a psychic. Have they ever answered why if they were psychic, they wouldn't have an office building? I don't know, like GE, like, wouldn't they be very wealthy? Yeah. Like, have they ever answered why if they were psychic they wouldn't have an office building, I don't know, like GE? Right.

Wouldn't they be very wealthy? Would you know everything? Yeah. Like, have they ever answered that question? People have said that you can't use it for personal gain. I've heard that. That you can use it for – What kind of silly –

My power cannot be used for personal gain. Jesus made that up. What kind of silly, stupid thing is that? Like, you don't think there's ever going to be one rogue psychic who's going to be like, I'm not following this shit. I'm going to go fucking make a ton of money. Yeah. Like Biff in Back to the Future was like, I got this book that tells me what the fucking,

who's going to win every sports game. I'm going to bet on it. And he had like Biff Enterprises in Back to the Future too. There's been a bunch of different people that have offered huge rewards for anyone to prove psychic ability. You know, I think Penn and Teller had something going on with that for a while but they're very vocal about psychics being bullshit, hence

the name of their show. There's been a bunch of other people and no one's ever been really able to prove that there's psychic ability. The only psychic ability that has been proven and this is a very odd one and we all kind of knew about this one you can tell when people

are looking at you people can tell oh yeah they can sense when people are looking at you you know you can't figure out what the fucking lottery is you're not going to know who's going to win the world series in 2013 but you can tell when people are looking at you it's a weird thing it's statistically proven that they've done they've done controlled studies where you know people were looking in another direction they had to say when they thought someone was looking at them and it was it was measurable it was a measurable even from like behind or like your blind spots and i would have to say that in those any sort of a test situation that would be the worst time to be using some of that the if you're not using some of it trying to uh trying to do that

because i would think you'd be so aware that you're in a test. You'd be so aware, okay, I'm being judged. Your spidey senses would be on high alert. Well, not only that, they would be all fucked up. They'd be all fucked up by this artificial situation where you're monitoring your instincts. But I have this many times in my life where I was like, what the fuck is going on?

I turn and look and someone's giving me the mad dog. I'm like, whoa. I'm going to do my own thing now. I'm going to be like waiting in a Best Buy just staring at someone just to see. That person. Do your own test. 12, 15, they did not turn around. I think it's not 100%.

I think it's probably not even 50%. But I think there's something there that every now and then pops in when someone can just reach out with their energy and touch you. And I think it also probably has to do with the kind of intent that they have in their mind while they're staring at you. I think if someone's staring at you and like, you know, and they're like, oh, this guy seems like he's got his shit together. I like the way he dresses, you know. He's fucking got a cool t-shirt on. Like, maybe then you're gonna

be like, you know, let him look at me. It's cool. But if you're like, you know, this guy, I think I could fuck him. I'm pretty sure I could fucking just fold him down. Fucking beat his head in with a rock and keep him alive long enough to fuck him. You know what I mean? Sorry. Whoa, whoa.

Yeah. Then maybe, you know, it would come up. You'd be like, don't be greedy with that talk. Just to me. You don't have to just give me the eyes when you do that talk. Steve wants to listen. It's very comfortable for me to look to my left for some reason. Whenever I have violent thoughts.

That's perfect. I always try to attack from the left side. That's good. I think that there's something to the human mind that is not static. What we have right now, our abilities right now, are probably evolving. And our ability to recognize our environment and to tune in to other people, I think that's probably evolving. You know, they say that just a few thousand years ago, people could not read silently. This was a trick that someone had learned how to do. It was one of the saints. And

one of the ways that this guy proved his sainthood was that he could recite things that he had just read. He could close the book and he would look at the book and not say anything aloud. So they didn't know he was reading. He would read things and then close the book, and he would look at the book and not say anything aloud, so they didn't know he was reading. He would read things and then close the book and then recite what he just read. And they thought that this guy was a deity. They thought that he was a priest, or they thought that he was a saint because he had this ability that no one else could do. He could read silently. It makes sense when you think about it.

Because you remember when you were a little kid, you couldn't read silently. You would read ustream.tv. You'd have to spell it out. You'd have to say it. You'd have to make the noise. And you'd have to recognize the noise after you make it. Well, then people learned how to make the noise in their head. They didn't always know how to do that.

And this is probably an evolution of language, an evolution of the way we interface with language. But it's also like, it may be something in our minds. It may be something that we didn't have the ability to process before and we do now. Because written type and reading is very commonplace. That we have developed this ability to do this. It's very possible that the minds that we are working with are, you know, much different than the minds of a few thousand years ago. You know, when there was no mass media and there was no, there was no phones, there was no nothing. There's been, always been some weird speculation that people were able to tune into Mother Gaia,

that some people were able to tune into the forest and able to tune into information that comes from all the animals and nature around you. Like there was a show, Charles Kuralt on the Road. I know we've talked about this before, but there was a guy who used to live in Alaska, and he said that he was a prospector. He would live out there by himself for a month at a time, and after a while, he could talk to the animals with his brain. What? Really? And then when he would come back into town, eventually it would go away.

But he said there wasn't words, but there was a way of communicating with animals that you would have. Because there was no TV, there was no radio. You got tuned into different things. It sounds totally like horse shit, but... Dr. Doolittle. But if you talk to the Indians or the natives in Peru, when they brew this ayahuasca stuff, this psychedelic beverage.

Yeah, Robin Quivers just went down and did it. Well, the thing about ayahuasca is they've been doing it for 10,000 years, way before written history. And then you ask them how they learned how to do this. I mean, the speculation is 10,000 years ago, the real evidence is probably only like a couple thousand, but when they asked these people how they figured out how to do this, they say that the forest told them, that the plants told them how to do this, told them how to make this. There's over 100,000 different plants in the Amazon. They figured out how to take the leaves of one and the root and the vines of another

and combine them, because one of them contains the chemical DMT and the root and the vines of another and combine them because one of them contains the chemical DMT and the other one contains what's called an MAO inhibitor, something called harmin because you can't eat this psychedelic stuff. You can't eat DMT because it exists in so many different things that if you eat it, your body has the ability to break it down inside your stomach with monoamine oxidase. So this stuff called harmin, this other plant that produces this natural MAO inhibitor, they have to mix this stuff in, and they have to boil it, and they have to break it down

over hours and hours. How the fuck did these people living on dirt floors and huts with no books, how the fuck did they ever figure out how to take these plants and put them together? Well, they say that the forest told them how to do it. It sounds ridiculous. Or there's a thousand dead people around.

Nope, not that one. Don't put those two together. You guys see Frank? He's fucked, bro. Yeah, the real question is, when did this information about the forest telling them to do this happen? Did it happen after they took the ayahuasca? Because that would make a lot of sense. And why did they just stop with ayahuasca?

Why wouldn't they just keep, like, give us more, give us other good shit, you know? Dude, you don't need anything else once you do the ayahuasca. You't they just keep like give us more give us other good shit you know dude you don't need anything else once you do the ayahuasca you really don't you know robin quivers is is talked about it and you know i've talked about it you know i and i've i've toned to stand up tuned uh stanhope into it there's a bunch of people that i know that have had dmt in their life and once you've done it everything else seems completely silly. Everything. The economy seems silly. Your life seems silly. Driving and traffic seems silly. Media seems silly. Everything seems silly and juvenile and temporary. How long? I mean, it's not like a thing where you can go out. You need like a week. Well, you need some time to digest it. You don't need time to do the drug. If you smoke DMT, it only takes

about 15 minutes. If you take ayahuasca, the orally active version, it's a less potent version of the experience, but it's over a few hours as opposed to over 15 minutes. But what it is, is the most trippy experience, the most bizarre outside of this world, the most separate experience you could ever possibly have. And once you've had that, you know, and you start talking about why, why doesn't he do other things? Why doesn't he figure out, you know, how to make a fucking jet car? You know, why don't the plants teach him how to do that? Yeah. You just want to go back to that world. Those fucking people that live in the Amazon, man, they like doing it all the time. just want to go back to that world those fucking people that live in the amazon man they like doing it all the time they just do it they just they just to just tune in to the spirit world and

astral travel on fucking illuminant snakes that fly through the air does it make pot different like can you go back like you'd be like i wish or is it something like you know what i'm saying like is it does it make like the experience of of smoking pot like any different now at all that i think or less less important or less fun or well i think that you first of all one time i had a flashback after i took it from smoking pot i've never been able to do it again really one time i did dmt and then uh a week later i was smoking weed and i had a flashback a real flashback where i got to the door. There's a door like when you when you have the DMT experience, it's a very fucked up experience. And for those of you that are anti-drug and for those of you listening to this that are like, you know, what kind of fucking loser is talking about doing drugs?

And what the fuck is this stupid shit? And this kid's listening. I think human beings owe an obligation to tell the truth about their experiences. And there there is something to this that's very life-changing. It changed me, for sure. It still is changing me. My DMT experiences, for sure, have made me a better person, a nicer person, more sensitive, more aware of the universe. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm under a lot of pressure. Sometimes I snap at people. I try to keep it all together as much as humanly possible. But for sure, I'm absolutely different at my core because of having the DMT experience. All drugs aren't good for you, but some drugs are. And they're not good for everybody. We should have fucking shamans. We should have places where you could go.

Where you could go to some professional place where this guy is sanctioned by the community. Now this is the guy that knows how to do mushrooms. And you go to this guy's house and he's got brilliant mushrooms and they're all perfect and he grows them himself so there's nothing sketchy. And how many mushroom trips have you been on? A thousand. Okay. Alright. A thousand. Shit. Yeah, you know what you're doing. How many grams are we going to do today? Well,

this is what we're going to do. You're going to be in this room, silent darkness. You're going to do five grams. I'm going to be outside the door. I'm going to be totally sober. I have a phone. I have a car. I can take you to the hospital if you need to. But the freak out is really only in your mind. And you're going to be fine physically.

Just don't worry about it. I've been there a thousand times. Nobody dies from this shit. And then you can go and do it instead of being over your friend's house and you fucking escape into the woods. And then you get too fucked up in the woods. You don't know how to get back to your house. That sounds so much better, the second one, instead of having some creepy dude sitting outside of a bedroom door

with a phone ready to call the police on you. But it's funny, though. If it was legal, he wouldn't be calling the police. I do that now. I called Ari today. I was like, can you get me some breath strips? I'm going to Vegas. He's like, all right, this is the one you're getting.

You take a third if you want this. You take two thirds if you want that. Hour to kick in, five hours, and a half hour later you'll be hungry like it was ari is someone you can trust with that you cannot trust joey diaz i know i'm telling you take two yeah take two and then call me in an hour and 20 minutes ari's the guy that i asked about that and about like mortgage rates he's like don't take it yet and i swear to god the two things i trust him the most about that's hilarious to be on time no to pick me up at the airport, no. To not fuck my wife, probably not.

If he got a chance, he would do it just for the story. So now to use Google, no. But one time me and Ari, I was driving home from the comedy store. And I had to pick something up at my house. And he goes, can I just go into your room? And I was like, for the goof, okay. And he puts something. He gets in the bed.

My wife's sleeping there. He gets in the bed. He just curls up next to her on, he gets into bed. My wife's sleeping there. He gets into bed. He just curls up next to her. No, he didn't. I'm standing right there. She goes, what the, what the fuck? She goes, and she smells. She goes, Ari.

And Ari goes, what? I thought this was going to be okay. And I just started laughing. But she smelt him first. That's the best part. That's hilarious. She smelt him. She's like, oh, God, Ari.

Do you have a specific odor? Do you smell like cinnamon? Ari just, you know, Ari has an antique bookstore smell. Yeah, he does. It's like old socks. Like that book that you find in the corner when you're cleaning your house. Ari's one of those dudes that might not shower for a week.

We played basketball on Tuesdays. He's like, just to warn you, I haven't showered since Sunday. Are you serious? So when you take me down low, just remember that smell that smell is real and it's on purpose that's how he wonders how he got fucking staff this guy you know he had this huge fucking thing on his knee from the it was from jujitsu but it was from not showering man you gotta shower right and not even dealing with it like he didn't know there's something wrong. He thought he got bit by a spider.

Oh, my God. If it wasn't for me noticing that he was limping, he might be dead. Like, I'm not kidding. Staph infections can fucking kill you. Yeah. They really should have some shit up at every jiu-jitsu gym showing you different, like, swollen things. Like, see this? That's a staph infection. Yeah.

See this? This is impetigo. This is herpes. You can get this shit from the mat. You gotta be careful. This is whatetigo. This is herpes. You can get this shit from the mat. You've got to be careful. This is what you've got to do. Right after you get off the mat, you've got to wash yourself with some probiotic, like

defense soap, like eucalyptus oil, tea tree oil, shit like that. Stuff that kills. But do it right after you get off the fucking mats. You don't go home and sit around and eat fucking pizza, you know, like Ari. And then not shower for two more days.

There's the guy who's just too lazy, and then there's the guy that's like, oh, I'm a tough guy, I can go do whatever I want to do after, or I'll go, you know, whatever. It's like, just be clean. Ari had a little volcano on his knee, man. It freaked me out. Because we were playing pool, and he was limping. And I go, what's going on? He told me about the spider bite. I go, let me see it. He pulls his pants

up, and he's got a little red volcano on his knee. Yeah, and it's hot, right? Yeah, I go, dude, that told me about the spider bite. I go, let me see it. He pulls his pants up, and he's got a little red volcano on his knee. Yeah, and it's hot, right? Yeah, I go, dude, that's a fucking staph infection. You need to go to a hospital right now. I unscrewed my cue. He's like, you're serious? I go, I'm deadly serious.

I go, you need to go to a hospital this moment. Don't wait an hour. You need to go right now, or you could die. I've had two staph infections in my leg. What the fuck? And they had to put stuff like gauze in there and leave it there for a week and then pull it out.

Yeah. It was horrible. How'd you get it? Basketball. It's all about sports. That's why I've never had a staff. Well, it's really washing yourself afterwards. It's also taking probiotics.

You got to take a bunch of different probiotics. You know what I like that's probiotic? Kimchi. Pickled cabbage. If you get that from, it's delicious. Is it good? Yeah, I love it. Sounds awesome. I'm not a cabbage fan. I'm not a big pickle fan. Pickled cabbage. If you get that from, it's delicious. Is it good? Yeah, I love it.

Sounds awesome. I'm not a cabbage fan. I'm not a big pickle fan. Fucking cabbage rules. What's wrong with you? You gotta try some. I'll give you some afterwards. Oh, sauerkraut and cabbage.

It's spicy though. It's like a spicy Korean cabbage, but you can get it at some organic places and it's probiotic. What they do is they take the cabbage and they leave it out

for like a few days and then you pickle it with a bunch of different things. I don't know exactly the whole process, but the whole idea is that getting live organisms into your body that are healthy you know that's like really important to do uh after you've had a colonic if you want to get water blown into your asshole i've done it twice i've done the bullshit i'm thinking about doing it i did i've heard it's bullshit i've heard it's awesome i don't know what i did it today

it was a tough this one late this is gonna be awful all right this one lady did it the first lady that went to right she did it it didn't hurt that bad it was wasn't as awkward as i thought it was gonna be so i made an appointment with this lady to do it again she they call me like they're like this lady's tough to get so you have to want i'm like yeah my wife's water breaks wife's water breaks. But I have the colonic appointment that day. But it just broke. And I'm like, look, the doctor said you're supposed to chill out, relax, take a shower. I'm going to go run, get my colonic, and I'll be back. She's like, you're going to keep – I go, this lady is so tough to get.

And I got it. Oh, my God. And I'm like, I know you have at least two hours. You're so crazy. And I ran and did the colonic. I go, now we both know. We both have had shit pulled from. Everything's going to be.

We're on the even playing field now. Everything's going to be good. I feel better. Your shit and her baby are not the same. I know. How LA. How LA. I had to run.

Because my kid's getting about to be delivered. I knew I had time. I knew it. I mentally prepared for this fucking thing. You went straight Hollywood, son. On the way back, I grabbed a soy latte. Never had coffee. I mentally prepared for this fucking thing. You went straight Hollywood, son. On the way back, I grabbed a soy latte. Never had coffee.

Wow. Yeah, he's not a coffee drinker. No. What about coffee enemas? What's that all about? I don't know. People stuffing coffee at their asshole. I don't understand what that was. You never heard of that?

No. Yeah, ground coffee. Somehow or another, they take coffee and they pump it up their asshole. I don't know what that's about. It's supposed to be good for you. How do you get it up your asshole? I guess you use one of those things that you use to blow air on a fireplace. What are those things called?

Fireplace bellows. In the beginning, I was like, oh, he knows how. Oh, no, that's not right. That thing doesn't work. That's not right. Maybe a turkey baster. You could have a big-ass turkey baster. It's stuffing up your ass.

Why coffee? And how many different things? of the caffeine probably people look man the same people that invented ayahuasca they said what happens if you pour coffee up your ass what's next let's combine these two things i don't know man i guess it would just go right into your bloodstream there's a woman online um her youtube name i think is Soup. And she has a very fascinating story about taking DMT up her ass. What? She put DMT up her ass, and there it goes right into your bloodstream because, you know, it's open as opposed to, you know, if you eat it

and it has to go through your stomach and everything. So she takes this DMT up her ass and has this 30-minute trip as opposed to, like, a 15-minute trip. You know, she probably got some fucking insane dose to like a 15 minute trip you know she probably got some fucking insane dose because when you smoke it you know you're breaking it down it's got to go into your lungs i mean it's probably much less than if you actually inject it right into your your asshole you mainline it into your asshole people will try anything i know to get high i mean how about those fucking assholes they get arrested and they have paint all over their face?

Because they've been puffing bags of paint. Oh, God. I used to do keyboard cleaner back in the day. You did? You did keyboard cleaner? Yeah. It was like the shit that you sprayed on your keyboards to clean and stuff. And it was like whippets. Pretty much like you'd do it

and then you'd start hearing the wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah thing. And I remember it was with my friend. He gets so pissed when I say this, but it was with it's pretty much like you do it and then you start hearing the one one one one one one thing oh my god i remember i was with my friend and he gets so pissed when i say this but it was with my friend and he was like i'm a badass i'm we're driving his little crx and he fucking does it while we're driving and we're coming up with who's driving you or him no he is he's driving yeah he pulls it out and i'm like what the fuck are you you doing? He goes, dude, don't worry about it. I'm not doing a lot. And he fucking passes out. What? Foot goes on the gas. Just like this. He's like,

hey, man. Foot fucking here. Pulling his head up. What a fucking great quote. Don't worry, I'm not doing a lot. And he passes out foot on the gas and was going up on a railroad track so you couldn't see if our car was coming on the other side of railroad track so i was freaking out and and uh

i uh pulled up his emergency brake and he skidded out and crashed his car oh and the first thing he comes through he goes what the fuck happened he gets out and goes what the fuck man my car i'm like what the fuck are you talking about doing the shit passing out with your foot on the gas he was mad at you he was mad at me and i was like yeah here's are you talking about doing the shit passing out with your foot on the gap? He was mad at you and at me But you should have rolled out of the car and let destiny fucking take care of it Yeah, you should've gone Steve Austin I should have just been like whatever happens happens Yeah, and if you guys rolling out of the car is dangerous as fuck that shit doesn't really work You hit your head on the concrete. It looks awesome in the movies,

but the reality of rolling out of the car... It's horrible. Yeah, you're basically falling onto the concrete at 30 miles an hour or whatever the fuck you're faster going.

How fast were you going when you crashed? Probably not... I mean, we were probably going 25 when he did it, and then we probably went up to like 45 when...

He stomped on the gas? It was like... Oh, my God. It was scary as fuck. Where's that dude now? Well, he joined the Air Force. He's one of the special six. He's the old team six that killed the frozen bin Laden.

And he came out of the closet and told everyone except me, which is odd. And then now he works for a company. So he's gay. Yeah, but he hasn't told his parents or anyone. He's told all my friends except me. No wonder he did so much drugs. He was trying to mask. Yeah, I guess that's probably what it is, right?

Yeah, he's probably going, I want to blow Brian so bad. I can't, I can't. I've got to just get high. I've just got to stay fucking... Something's got to go... I've got to change what's going on in my brain for a minute. There was a study that somebody put up

on the Rogan board, on the message board, about the increase, the number of people that are gay that have cancer as opposed to straight people. And there's a much higher percentage of gay people. Yeah? Yeah, and we were trying to speculate what the fuck that is,

whether it's drugs, because gay people party their asses off. You know, especially young gay dudes. They party like fucking crazy. Every night of the week, too. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Sunday off. Like Santa Monica Boulevard, like those bars and stuff, it's like Mardi Gras every night of the week yeah yeah there's no like sunday off like santa monica

boulevard like like those bars and stuff it's like mardi gras every night yeah i went i went to this place called the abbey here in los angeles which is one of the bigger ones i guess i went with a bunch of girls and uh it was like two in the afternoon on sunday full party i mean i mean hundreds and hundreds of people drunk like partying partying their asses on parades. Yeah, they don't give a fuck. No. It looks like a fun life, except for all the AIDS and cancer and hot sex. Yeah. You know, it's not fun.

It's great going, like Ari Shaffir's old joke, it's great going being, like, you know, a straight guy. Because all the chicks there are, like, thinking everyone's gay. So they're like, oh. They're never going to trust you. Yeah. They're always going to think you're partially gay. Right. But going into the bathroom, though, was the worst experience.

Because there's not only drug use fucking everywhere. People doing cocaine on the sinks and everything like that. But the stall is just one of those big bathtubs. Yeah. And it's just like, all right. You make it sound like it's Woodstock. You have fun while you're there because you get to hear Hendrix. But you come out filthy.

The stall's a bathtub? You know those urinal stalls? Oh, one of those. No dividers. Woodstock. You have fun while you're there because you get to hear Hendrix, but you come out filthy. The stalls at Bathtub? You know those urinal stalls? Oh, one of those. No dividers. They don't care. Those are weird. What are those weird? Those troughs?

Yeah, troughs. Those you get a lot on the road. If you're in some weird bar in Oklahoma, you'll get a lot of those troughs. You know where they have those at Fenway? Do they? Those troughs, yeah. Makes sense. Those dirty animals.

Just give them somewhere nonspecific to pee. Fucking savages. Just show me a hole to put my piss into. Doesn't matter what it looks like. One of the worst times ever I used to be a manager of this coffee shop called Perfect Cup Cappuccino. It was when cappuccino just became big in the United States.

There was all these coffee shops popping up everywhere. And right next door to it was one of the grossest gay bars in Columbus, Ohio. And this is like goth gay. This is like fucking the worst gay ever. What is goth gay? Do they have that? Is that a style? I don't know.

They hate everything. Yeah. They hate everything. It's awful. Other gay people, themselves, their parents, everything. And the woman that owned this place, God bless her. She was just like this fucking cute little old lady that her husband died. So she was bored and sad.

So she took all her money to get this nice little coffee shop. And so she's training me to be like a manager of this place. And there's this window looking in the backyard of this building, which is like an alley. And she goes, now I made this little curtain. And she sewed this curtain to put it over the window at certain times. I'm like, she's like, sometimes you're going to have to shut this curtain because of this place next door. I'm like, what is she talking about? And so I used to say, now this job I worked at was fucking awful.

Like I would come there at like 5 a.m. and work till like 2 p.m. every single day. 5 a.m. and work till like 2 p.m. every single day. And there would be guys passed out in the back of this gay bar that just like had sex out in the back of the alley and then passed out on the ground. And so one time I just sit there and listen to Howard Stern for hours. That was my only thing to do. No one ever came into this coffee shop. So one time like making chicken salad or something in the back of the place. I look and there's just fucking three guys completely naked fucking butt sex there's fucking needles everywhere it was just like and i'm just

like wall that fucking window up dude and just never put a wall and fill it up with cement gee i wonder why no one went into your coffee shop you're listening to stern and there's a butt fuck going on next door exactly there's a welcome sign out front felt so bad jesus man i was like she wanted a logo she was gonna pay me i was like you know i'll just make the logo for you you know i just felt so bad for this i only lasted like a month there but i just became so depressed and then like those guys why are you just depressed it sounds like they were having a good time no because it was so awful it was just like those people then come after having butt sex every morning these these

these homeless butt sex guys they'd come in and get coffees every day and they're just like hang out and smell like butt sex and fucking ari and they're like old books old books and it was just the grossest like it looked like a country kitchen with butt sex homeless people it's weird how gay dudes will totally take over a neighborhood yeah they tell everybody, hey, man, I'm moving here. Why don't you move here, too? And I'll just fuck all day. Yeah. They get like a whole group of them.

Lesbians have never figured out how to rock that. No. They can't really organize the way gay dudes can. Gay dudes can take over whole neighborhoods. You know, like we're going to San Francisco this weekend, by the way. Cobbs Comedy Club. What made you think of San Francisco? Almost sold out, bitches. Because there's a lot of butt sex going on to San Francisco this weekend, by the way. Cobbs Comedy Club. What made you think of San Francisco? Almost sold out, bitches.

Because there's a lot of butt sex going on in San Francisco. Son, Cobbs Comedy Club this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with Sam Tripoli. Oh, shit. And Tom Segura. It's a fucking double whammy, folks. That's going to be fucking good. That's two headliners open up for me. That's amazing.

It is amazing. Yeah, dude, those guys are killers. We're going to have a good fucking time. But, you know, there's areas of san francisco that are like hugely gay just like i think santa monica boulevard though tops it as far as like exclusively gay gayest place on the planet it's one it's like the epicenter of of homo it's better it's bigger than even like like chel like chelsea down in new york it is close but yeah there's just so many people in new York that it's like, you're still good. But West Hollywood,

it's just like, there's no like rolling into West Hollywood and being like, what are you fucking guys doing here? It's like, no,

what the fuck are you doing here, bro? exactly. The gay flag is our flag of Santa Monica Boulevard. It's like, this is our place. When you drive by Rage,

have you ever driven by Rage on like a Friday and Saturday night? Dude, it's like Carnival outside. People are just going crazy. It certainly seems like they're having more fun. I picked up one of those newspapers that had all the hookers and escorts and stuff like that, and they have whole pages with trannies. And one of the things that says on it is 100% working, fully functional trannies. Does that mean they got the vagina and now the vagina works so you can fuck it? I don't think so.

I think they have a dick. Oh, so that's what's fully functional. If I had a guess, I would say that their dick still works, but they're transvestite, not a transsexual. Because when you say trannies, I think transsexual is like, they want to be a woman, but a transvestite,

they want to be a man dressed as a woman. Yeah, transsexuals are probably the people that are of starting the process of becoming the that's possible too but there's some of them are just dudes they're just for whatever weird reason like to dress up like girls like chas bono is what a transsexual i don't know but i almost had to watch that i had a take i had a taste this is rogan uh somewhere and i was in a waiting room for uh an hour and uh i was but I almost had to watch that. I had to take Mrs. Rogan somewhere, and I was in a waiting room for an hour, and I was watching Good Morning America,

and then they were talking about Oprah being on Next. Not Next, it was like at 3 p.m., and I was like, God damn it, I might have to watch this. They keep teasing me with this Chaz Bono thing. I want to see this story. I want to know the real truth. You won't get it from Oprah. I want to get it from listening to her talk.

If I get it, I might get it from listening to him. Oh, just hearing the answers of the questions she asked. It's got to be that she was ignored. That's the only thing that makes sense. I get to see your wife's like, all right, let's go. And you're like, no, I got to watch the rest of this Oprah. I understand. I have it taped at home.

I understand lesbians because I think women are hot. I get it. You do too. I get that too. I get it. It makes sense to me. And her girlfriend, I don't know, Chaz's girlfriend is cute. She's a cute girl.

Yeah. She's on the show too. She's got a name, bro. She's got some fucking pull. It must work in the lesbian community as well. Yeah. She's a very popular. She's an alpha.

Your mom, no matter what you are, is Cher. That's still pretty good. Yeah. Cher and Sonny Bono. Yeah. Not bad. Not bad. It's a story.

It's worth saying, you know? I dated. Who are you dating this year? Oh, Chaz Bono. Chaz Bono, huh? Yeah, that's interesting. Okay. But what I was going to say is, I understand wanting to be gay.

I don't understand wanting to be the other sex. But, you know, maybe it's just my own mind. You know, I mean, maybe... Don't knock until you try it, Joe. Exactly. Maybe some dudes are just wired a certain way. I have a friend whose son is becoming a girl. Oh, really?

Yeah, his son is, like, just turning 18 and wants to be a girl. So she's going, he's going through all the different steps. But, you know, this poor fuck is in a bad situation. He's in the middle of a crazy divorce and all kinds of other shit. But just the idea of your son wanting to be a girl. Like, fuck, man. What does Holtzman say about it? Hey, easy.

Easy, son. That's actually, he's joking around. That's a Holtzman joke. One of his best. I used to call that out from the back of the room all the time. I miss that. I miss that guy. I miss those days at the comedy store, man.

We had some good fucking times in that club. Oh, yeah. A lot of bad energy, but a lot of good times. You know what I heard that's hilarious? What? Two different people have told me this story. That Tommy said that he used to be an actor and he wanted to be an actor, but too many homos were hitting on him.

Of course. He used to run an all-male review dance show down in Tampa, I think it was. Jacksonville, Florida. Really? And yeah, he truly wanted to become an actor. He was an all-male review guy? What does that mean? He would host the all-male review dance show.

So it was like a gay strip show. And he was the host? And he was the host, yeah. But he never liked when the gays came on to him. Wow. So that's why he stayed out of acting? So that's why, yeah. It was him and Johnny Depp, I think, are the two most irresistible.

Don't you think Johnny Depp would have been the guy that's like, look, I'm not getting into acting because I get hit on all the time. If Johnny Depp's cool with it, I think Tommy Morris should be cool with it. I don't know. Johnny Depp, I have a special affection for that guy. He's just, you know what? I like him. I like him, too.

I saw the... He's legit. The Pirates of the Caribbean. The guy, first of all, he looks like he's 18 years old. It's amazing. He looks like he can still do 21 jump streets. He's like 50. I've never seen anything like him.

And he smokes cigarettes. Yeah. I think it's just crazy. Because it's France. He lives in France. Is that what it is? He lives in France. He. It's just crazy. Because it's France. He lives in France. Is that what it is? He lives in France. He comes on his own face.

He lives in France and just... Is his wife French or something like that? Yeah, his wife's French. I'm a big fan of him ever since I found out he was a big fan of Hunter S. Thompson. And then when he did Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas... He was great. He was good. He was very good.

Bill Murray was actually better. Bill Murray did Where the Buffalo Roams. He played Hunter S. Thompson in that. Fucking genius. He nailed it. But the movie was not as good. Fear and Loathing was a much better movie. Overall. Yeah, but I don't think Johnny Depp's

voice worked. Like, there's certain impressions I can't do. You know, I can't. I try and my voice doesn't work that way. And some people just can't do... Johnny Depp sounds like he's trying to sound like a version of Hunter S. Thompson, but Bill Murray sounds like Hunter S. Thompson.

But then when I found out that Johnny Depp lived in Hunter's basement and fucking stayed with him for fucking like weeks and weeks trying to work on the whole impression of him. Oh my God. Dude, listen to this. I was on a plane yesterday back from New York and Sally Field was sitting next to me. So she was very nice and she was reading a book and then one point she stopped and something happened.

We got into a conversation. She's playing, she's in this new movie point she stopped and there was something happened. We got into a conversation. She's playing, she's in this new movie where she's playing Abraham Lincoln's wife and Steven Spielberg's directing it and Daniel Day-Lewis is playing Abraham Lincoln. Oh, shit. So I said, I gotta ask you.

I said, just let me know if you can't answer it. I go, has he started the process yet? And she goes, yup. And the way she said it, it was like somewhere in the world there's a man walking around right now thinking that he is Abraham fucking Lincoln that's how gangster

and crazy Daniel Day-Lewis gets into that shit where it's like months and months and months in advance he is preparing like so that when he's there it's just that's what that's all he is you know when he filmed there will be blood he slept in a tent on the set.

Yeah. Yeah. Remember he got all greasy and shit? That's how he got into it. That's how he got into his role. He just became that guy. Just crazy. He's, in my opinion, the best.

He's the best. And there's a reason why he only does a movie like once every three years. Because it takes that fucking, you know, in his mind. I don't know if it always will. But right now it takes that to get to there. And it's like, fuck it. Just do what you want to do. Did you ever see that movie where he played a boxer? Yeah.

The best boxing fight scenes. It's called The Boxer, right? I think it was. Yeah. The best boxing fight scenes in any movie ever. The most believable. And I heard that Mark Wahlberg, like, knew how to box. Like, I've heard that before.

What did you think of that? I was going to ask you. It was a good movie, but I felt like it was a little flat and I felt like the fight scenes look fake as fuck. It's like, I'm doing this movie right now called Here Comes the Boom. It's Kevin James' mixed martial arts movie. Oh, cool. It's a comedy, and it's also mixed martial arts.

The fucking fight scenes are off the chain. Really? They've got Ryan Parsons is helping them out there, and this dude Darryl, who's the fight coordinator, and Boss Rutten's helping them too. And they came up with these amazing fight fucking, these sequences are, they look so realistic and so good and so well shot and so dynamic and it keeps your interest.

Like I watched one of the, this Mayhem, Jason Mayhem Miller and Kevin James fight. And I watched the fight and I'm like, this is fucking well done. Really? Like it's totally realistic, like the scenario's realistic, but it's also. Really? Like, it's totally realistic. Like, the scenario's realistic. But it's also, like, the way they shot it is super dynamic. They're always moving. Whereas I looked at the fighter, and I'm like, this seems flat.

It's like, this is like, we're watching Rocky II, man. I've seen this before. Yeah, well. I've seen these exact same scenes of this guy punching the other guy. I think those kind of directors choose to do it like what they would consider artfully, where they're just going to keep the camera on it and let the action – it's like you need to see different angles. You want – that's why watching fights live is amazing. But even on television, you just see – you cut to different angles when a guy is in this position.

They can go around the other side and it's cool to see those different things. Whereas like those artsy movies are like, well, I're just going to keep the camera there and let the... Well, I think respectfully, Mark Wahlberg did not imitate Mickey Ward's style. He just didn't. He threw a decent left hook to the body. Like that looked okay. But Mickey Ward had a very particular way of holding his hands. He had a very particular style of throwing his feints and his movement. It was very easy to watch.

Anderson Silva is awesome at imitating fighters. There's all these videos online of him imitating Leota Machida and imitating Chuck Liddell. Fighters have styles. They have a certain way they move. And you can't just be you in a Boston accent and you call your name Mickey. No, you have to move like Mickey Ward moved. You have to box the way Mickey Ward boxed. Which is why I thought...

You can't have your chin up in the air and throwing punches like a guy who's never been punched in the face. Because that's what I'm watching. I'm watching a guy throw punches in a boxing match. It's not like the way a guy throws punches in a boxing match. Maybe to me, I'm an extremist because my job, one of my jobs, is to watch fighting and analyze it and break it down. But I'm watching this and I'm a extremist because my job one of my jobs is to watch fighting

and analyze it and break it down but I'm watching this and I'm like you didn't even try man you didn't even try if I was your friend if I was Mark Wahlberg's friend I'd be like yo dude this is a fucking Mickey Ward is one of those guys especially in Boston that's where he's from that's where Wahlberg's from too

this guy there's a legend to that guy he's from, that's where Wahlberg's from too, this guy, there's a legend to that guy. He's an all-time great Boston character. His fights have the display of courage and will. Those are all-time spectacular moments in boxing. You owe a lot more than that, man. You've got to work on that style. And I also hope they don't do, well, first of all,

I thought that What's-His-Name-Is-The-Brother was fucking unbelievable. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Dickie Eklund. Yeah, because he knew the boxing and you could tell that he probably didn't come from a boxing background. So whatever he started with was from fresh and to the point he got, I thought it was really good. It was decent. He also embodied the guy very, very well.

Very well. I hope they don't do that. I hope – there's talk about them doing Fighter 2 where they'll get an Arturo Gatti out there or try to find... Really? Is there talk about that?

I've heard... I don't know. I've heard just through different channels. Well, I hope they do do that. That would be stupid to me. You say that, but what if they did

a good job of it? Who the fuck knows? I never would have thought this one moved... This was a good movie. And Wahlberg is a good actor when he's acting. But I just felt like in his fight scenes,

I just feel like it wasn't enough like Mickey Ward. And it wasn't realistic enough, man. You know, you guys got to hit each other a little. You know, I want to see you really get hit, man. I want to see a little pat. I want to see a slap. I want to see a fucking jab knock your hair back, man. I want to see it real.

I mean, this isn't real to me. This is like, oh, here's the fight scene in the movie. My heart didn't move at all. When I watched that Kevin James thing, Kevin James and Mayhem, just the pure artistic version, like what they did, their version of the fight scene. I was like, these motherfuckers

thought this shit out. There's a camera on his chest while they're grappling. It's like this wild shot of him getting belly-to-belly suplex from a camera on his chest. Dude, it's good. It's interesting. It cuts from a bunch of different angles, and it looks like they're really fighting.

What kind of shape is he in right now? He's got an incredible shape. Did he really? He lost 80 fucking pounds. What? Kevin James went on this all-vegan, all-live, all-raw foods diet, and he went on it a while ago all live, all raw foods diet. And he went on it a while ago. There's this woman who wrote this book that Mrs. Rogan's reading right now.

And she's doing it too. And some all raw foods, all like kale blended up and all this different shit. Well, Kevin was on that movie, what's that called? The Dilemma with Vince Vaughn. Vince and him became pals. And Vince is like, bro, you're fucking really heavy. You've and him became pals and vince is like bro you know you're fucking really heavy you know you gotta do something kevin's like i know kevin i've been friends with kevin for 20 years and he's been struggling with his weight for 20 years we did a

ball cop together and we would drive home together in boston and he would have we would eat all day he had his own chef and stuff and we eat well all day and then we would hit mcdonald's a bird king whatever it would be like 30 bucks the bill for two people. I'm not kidding you, man. Sounds like Joe Rogan. He would kill it. I could fuck up some food, son. And he was so cool about it. He'd be like, yeah, this is fucking good. You'd just be eating it. He doesn't have shame in it. Kevin's a very,

very honest dude. But he also realized, God, I've got to do something about this. It's been nine months. He's had no meat for nine months. Everything has been all raw, vegan, everything super, super healthy. But he's ready to go off like a rocket. As soon as his filming's over, he's going to eat a whole cow. Really?

Yeah, he's going to take it. So he was just doing it. He's going to go straight to Ruth's Chris. That's a wrap. She's going to be a card. She's going to drive him straight to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. He's going to get a fucking T-bone and mashed potatoes with gravy. But he's lost a tremendous amount of weight.

80 pounds, wow. Kevin has always had real martial arts skills. But even, yeah. I'm going to try to get him to do the podcast because I'm doing the movie. I'm going to be with him for nine days. And I'm going to try to get him to do the podcast. But he's like super private, man. He doesn't like to talk about shit publicly. He doesn't like to do exposing interviews.

Like the opposite of me. Yeah. Where I'll tell you exactly what I'm thinking about everything. He doesn't like to do exposing interviews. Like the opposite of me. Yeah. Where I'll tell you exactly what I'm thinking about everything. He's not that kind of a guy. He's a little bit more laid back and it's hard to get him to,

I don't know if he's willing to do an interview like that. But the story is very interesting. He's lost 80 fucking pounds. He looks fantastic. His face is all thin. He's still like a little fat. He's not like,

he's not shredded. He doesn't look like Anderson Silva. Ryan Riedel. Yeah, he doesn't look like Ryan Riedel't look like i'm gonna say i saw mayhem recently and now it makes sense why he's so thick i mayhem's just gotten well it's because mayhem hasn't fought in a long time mayhem got fucked these strike force morons because mayhem got in a fight there's there was a fight where jake shields uh beat uh dan henderson awesome fight and it was a big event on cbs the whole cbs event though though, was a disaster because their production was so unorganized that they went way, way, way over the time.

An hour and a half or something over their allotted time. So they went into the news. They went past the news. They went to some other show that was on past the news. It was so bad. The UFC's never done anything remotely like this ever. I mean, they just don't know what they're doing. They were real raw in the game. And anyway, Mayhem and

Jake Shields had fought to a very close decision. It was a really good fight. And at one point in time, Mayhem had Jake Shields back with a rear naked choke in and Jake was going out and the bell rang. I mean, it was locked in. It was a wrap. There was no way Mayhem was letting go. He was palm to palm. He had the forearm across the neck. Jake

was turning red. Boom. The bell rang rang and he wanted a rematch so they they let mayhem in the cage and mayhem interrupted the interview between jake shields and the commentator gus johnson and said hey you know how about my rematch and then jake shields buddies they get the fuck out of here and then the nick nick diaz and nate diaz and jake and gilbert melendez it turned into a fucking brawl right on cbs well they blamed mayhem meanwhile mayhem didn't throw the first punch mayhem got Diaz and Nate Diaz and Jake and Gilbert Melendez, it turned into a fucking brawl on CBS. Well, they blamed Mayhem. Meanwhile, Mayhem didn't throw the first punch. Mayhem got beat up.

He was on his back and they were kicking him in the head. And they're blaming him. And so they wouldn't let him fight again. He couldn't fight on Showtime and he couldn't fight on CBS. And they didn't tell him. So they were pussies about it. So for a fucking year, this guy's been sitting on the bench. Sitting around doing nothing.

So he's been lifting and he's been getting bigger. You know, when you don't have to make 185 pounds, you just eat whatever the fuck you want to eat, you don't have anything on the horizon, you know, he gets big. Ma'am's a big boy. He could fight 205 if he wanted to. You know, he can walk around easy at like 220, 225, but, you know, at 85, he's big as fuck.

Yeah. So he's going to be fighting in the UFC now. He's going to be fighting July 2nd against Aaron Simpson. You want to go? Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, shit, you're in. Sweet. You want to go? Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, shit. You're in. Sweet.

You want to go? I can't. No? No, it's July 2nd now. July 2nd. Can't do it. Colonic Day. Got a colonic for 10-15.

Big fuck up this weekend, man. Gray Maynard and Frankie Edgar, the fight's canceled. What happened? Five-round championship fight. That's the main event. It got canceled. Why? Gray Maynard, apparently, it hurt his knee, but he was going to fight anyway.

You know, because it was for a title shot. So he was going to figure out how to just nurse his knee. You know, it's three weeks away. But Frank Jaeger broke his ribs. And when his ribs are broken, you can't. There's no way. He's fucked. Anderson Silva actually fought Chael Sonnen with a broken rib.

It was either a broken rib or a separated rib. There was something wrong with his rib. But, you know, he took it anyway. You know, I guess he felt like he could still pull it off, and he did. But with Edgar, apparently it was too bad. He couldn't do anything. So Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard is going to be moved to somewhere around, I think they said, depending on how everybody heals up,

it'll be like late summer, early fall, somewhere around then. So now I don't know who the main event is. I think it's going to be Rampage versus Matt Hamill. Nice. Rick Story versus Tiago Alves is a big fight on that card, too. That's a fucking nasty fight. With the UFC buying Strikeforce, is there going to be more events now or just bigger events when you do events? It's a good question.

As of right now, it's two different companies. events when you do events? It's a good question. As of right now, it's two different companies. And as of right now, they own both. And so they can bring guys over like they brought Mayhem over to the UFC because, you know, they own both of them. And like, if you fucks aren't going to fight them, this guy's one of the most popular fighters in the world. And you idiots aren't fighting him. Like, what kind of nonsense is that? So awesome. I'm so glad that he's going to be in the UFC finally. Yeah, yeah. It'll be huge for him. You know? It'll be huge. And you know what? He should have been in the UFC a long time ago. He's, you know, the real problem with Strikeforce is what, I don't remember who said this, but it's very astute.

They said that when you watch Strikeforce, what was awesome about it was you got to see a lot of knockouts and a lot of submissions. And sometimes you watch the UFC and the guys are so evenly matched that they kind of cancel each other out. That is true. But it's because they're mismatches, though. One of the reasons why they're so exciting is because it's Paul Daly versus Scott Smith. And the reality is Scott Smith really can't stand with Paul Daly. So it does turn out to be a spectacular knockout. You know, so it's better that there's more competition. It's better. But sometimes the fights aren't nearly as exciting because these guys cancel each other out. But then sometimes when you get to the baddest motherfuckers in the world and,

you know, one guy takes a chance like Anderson Silva versus Vitor and it winds up being ultra spectacular and even worth more because you know that these guys are the best guys in the fucking world, you know? So it's, it's all, it's,

you know, it's all tricky, man. it's all tricky man it's all tricky it's gonna be better to have all these fighters in but they have to figure out what what exactly they're gonna do i do miss the mismatches of the old ufcs you know like where it's a black belt in jiu-jitsu versus a bartender of the applebees yeah those are fun as far as like as a spectacle yeah so yeah i guess they just uh they've moved Tiago Alves versus Rick Story to the main card. But there's a lot of good fights on this man. Do they have any of those fight fantasy camps?

You know how they have for basketball and baseball? Like, go down and play with old Yankees. That's a good question, but go down and get your fucking brain smashed in by Matt Hamill. But I'm sure there's dudes that would do it. Yeah, there are dudes that would do it. Well, you know, it's like training. Yeah, they should do something like that. It's not a bad idea.

Miguel Torres versus Mighty Mouse Johnson. That is the fucking fight. This guy, Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson, he fought on Spike TV last time. He fought Kid Yamamoto, who at one point in time was one of the baddest motherfuckers in the world. And now he's down to his real weight of 135 pounds.

He could not fuck with this dude. This dude, Mighty Mouse Johnson, is this tiny little guy who moves faster than i've ever seen anyone he is the perfect reason like the perfect like like version of the 135 pound fighter like if you wanted an argument like why do they have this 135 pound weight class watch that guy because nobody at 185 can move like that. This fucking guy moves like a lightning bolt, just diving under punches. His double leg takedown is faster than any I've ever seen before. And his stand-up is fast as fuck, too.

So this guy is fighting the former champion, Miguel Torres. That's a sick fucking fight. I hope that's on the main card. I think it is. It might not be. It might be a swing bout or something. It might be the Spike. I think it's a It might not be. It might be a swing bout or something. It might be the Spike... Oh, it is.

I think it's the Spike TV fight. Did Strikeforce have girl fighting? Yes, they do have girl fighting. And did Dana just cancel all that? No, he didn't cancel all that. They had this fighter summit where they met and they talked about

the girl fights. And they talked about... Have you ever called a girl fight? No, I've never called a girl fight. I would have to be more special.

Not an official one. Yeah, I've called some ones in bars. Oh, bitch! girl fighting no i've never called a girl fight i would have to be not an official one yeah i've called some ones in bars oh bitch those are always more fun yeah i guess i don't know man that's why i love watching those youtube videos of like chicks fighting at denny's and stuff like that like that one that was all over the place i started on deadspin because it's just the people especially when girls fight it's the people you don. I don't really give a fuck about how the fight. I love watching the peripheral people like, oh, bitch. Like just the fucking, he just snapped.

Just grabbed their hair and fucking. It's just so much better and more animated. The people around them just fucking calling shit out. Did you see that one a couple weeks ago? There was a video going around that it was a fight at Denny's where a black guy was dressed up as bobo fett like he must have just got off of some star wars convention and stuff and he's just sitting there videotaping this booth next to him these chicks all fighting with the cop and suddenly this one girl just swings and tries to punch the cop in the face oh my god they just throw the girl down just it's funny how you can go from you know trying to be civilized to

just smashing this girl onto the ground and just we're putting on your boba fett costume and then getting slung to the ground later on that night was that world star hip-hop yes i think it was i think that one website world star hip-hop is the conglomeration of the worst beatdowns in the history of the internet dude world star esther was just on there the other day do you see that her her video of her asking the sex questions as dressed up as a little girl they had her as the video of the week or something well they'll put on anything it doesn't have to be hip-hop related but a lot of it is black people getting the fuck beat out of them and dude there's one video where one guy's talking shit and he gets knocked out and then everybody runs by and punches and kicks this guy while he's unconscious. It is fucking disturbing.

One guy uses his head like a fucking soccer ball, and he just runs up and boots him in the head. Then another guy comes up and punches him in the head, and they're all doing it while this guy's unconscious with his pants down. It's hard to watch, man. It's human beings, man, when they can get away with shit. I mean, we see it a little bit on the Internet when people are anonymous and they snipe at you and say evil, mean shit. But when they know they can get away with shit. I mean, we see it a little bit on the internet when people are anonymous and they snipe at you and say evil, mean shit.

But when they know they can get away with shit, you see the weakness of a human's character. You see like the lowest a person can go. There's very few things lower than you see a guy who just got knocked the fuck out and you just run over and kick him in the head because you can. Yeah. It takes a special kind of fucked up, in pain human being to do that. To dehumanize an unconscious guy like that. But there's a bunch of videos on WorldStarHipHop of people doing that, man. You guys know who Mike Epps is,

don't you? The comic? Yeah, I saw that video. What video? Someone served him while he was on stage. Served him subpoena. Really? While he's performing. The woman just threw it on the stage and then he goes off and says, you know, some bitch just threw some papers on the motherfucking stage. White bitch.

Fuck you. Yeah, white bitch. White bitch? And then he admitted to participating in a nightclub brawl saying, this is from when I whooped that nigga's ass in Detroit. Yeah. And then he continued to talk about the process server while she's walking to the exit. He's like saying, bitch, I don't give a fuck. Suck my dick.

Wow. All on stage in the middle. Is there a transcript of this? There's a video of it we can listen to. Well, think about it. We're the only people that if you wanted to kill us

or serve us, you know exactly where we are. It's on our website. At 8 o'clock on Friday, Steve Benazizi will be in Cleveland. Yeah, 8 o'clock. You know the player. You got the address.

Here's the phone number if you want tickets. Here's the audio for me if you want to hear in Cleveland. Yeah. Eight o'clock. You know where the player got the address. Here's the phone number. If you want tickets. Here's the audio for me. If you want to hear the audio. Sure. Let's hear it. Yeah. He might as well be.

You can't really hear it. Kill that shit. Yeah. That's like cell phone. He might as well be You can't really hear it Kill that shit Yeah that's like He might as well be Speaking Martian Yeah That guy's got a It's Martian talk

I heard he I don't know This may not be true But I heard he pulled Or got a gun pulled on him Or pulled a gun on him In the middle of a set One time

Whoa Yeah Joey Cola was Performing at Pips In Brooklyn And there was a guy Sitting in the front row That was heckling him

Yeah And the guy pulled up His shirt And showed him a pistol I was there the night Holtz the front row that was heckling him and the guy pulled up his shirt and showed him a pistol. I was there the night Holtzman got the gun pulled on him by the undercover cop.

Really? Yeah, Holtzman's on stage and he was shitting on cops. We called the cops on that guy. And then Holtzman, you know, the guy was an off-duty cop

and the guy pulled the gun out. I don't think he pulled, no, he didn't pull it out. He showed the gun. Then Holtzman just kept going, of course, you know, as if just to say, well, let it happen now if it's going to happen. And then left. And then the guy was in the parking lot walking around.

His girlfriend was there. That's when he pulled the gun out. That's when we called the cops. And the cops took him around the corner behind the House of Blues and let him go. Remember, they did the big dog and pony show, put him in the back of the car, handcuffed. And then we followed him around. And they let him go behind. They had his wife come pick him up. Wow. Boom. Gone. Big dog and pony show. Put him in the back of the car, handcuffed, and then we followed him around, and they let him go behind.

He had his wife come pick him up. Wow. Boom. Gone. Well, you know, cops have to look out for their own, but that's an embarrassing moment for them. He was wasted. Ugh.

That's so weak. I was there. I remember that. Yeah. I remember that vaguely. I remember that because I was sort of on the outside of it, and when the cops came, I was like, what happened? Like, what?

Kind of a crazy asshole. Like, what do you think? You're just going to get away with that no one's gonna call the police well he did just what a silly man thinks he's gonna be able to pull a fucking gun out like yeah those cops that were uh that used to uh patrol that area they were cool as fuck they were yeah remember that big what the fuck is his name mike yeah they used to come um used to park on the ramp and just come in and hang out yeah this guy and they come and watch the show and hang out and yeah you know I think they all do I opened up my truck and he goes why does it smell like weed in your car I go because I smoke good weed what kind of question is that it's smelly yeah you know I think they work to Kimmel

too I know Barris was friends with all them like they do security I used to hook those guys up with UFC tickets oh really yeah yeah they were cool as fuck. Like, you know, who likes watching dudes beat the fuck out of each other more than cops? Yeah. And they're all martial artists. I've known so many cops from jujitsu. You know, if you're a cop, man, you better learn how to fight. You better learn something.

At some point, you're going to have to. You have to. When I see a guy who's, like, completely out of shape and like obviously not skilled and he's a he's a cop that's that's that's a scary place to be man it's scary to be a cop anyway but it's really scary to be a cop where like you pull your gun out click click click the bullets don't work you're unarmed and he's unarmed now what yep that's scary as fuck you know there was a video of a guy getting loose in prison he was. They were handcuffing him and they were bringing him somewhere. And there was like two cops.

And he just starts beating the fuck out of these two cops. And they were so helpless. They did not know how to fight. The guy tries to grab a hold of him. He doesn't have any technique. He's probably never been blasted in the face before. So he's freaking the fuck out. He realizes this wild, crazy prisoner is teeing off on him.

And then the other guy tries to jump on him. He blasts the other guy. It was ugly. This guy beat the fuck out of two security guards. Beat the fuck out of them, unconscious. You know, they thought two guys would be enough to contain him. Like, because they didn't know how to fight. That must be the most terrifying place to be,

not knowing how to fight and being stuck with a crazy prisoner. Yeah. Who just nothing to lose, man. Especially if the guy's in for murder. Those guys, the guys that are in for life. Well, yeah, what do they have to lose? You're going to take more life? What a weird fucking life that must be.

You ever watch those movies or those documentaries where they go into, like, there was one of them where they went into this one guy was stabbing this guy. It was all on camera. I forget what the name of the documentary was, but he was stabbing this guy in the eye like over and over and over and over again. He was stabbing this guy and he was screaming out white power and he jumped up. There's some white power jumping off in this motherfucker.

And this guy is on the ground, like barely alive, a hundred fucking holes in his head. He's just stabbing him over and over again in the head. I'm like, wow, like that. This is a totally different world. Totally different. There's levels. There's a spectrum of human behavior. And when you see that spectrum, when you see like that Mexican lady, uh, last week there was a video of some cartel woman chopping some guy's head off slowly and then skinning his face. They skin his face and then skinning his face they skin his face and then they show they put it all on video when you get to that level there's levels of humanity where

it's just like whoa like when you hear about like what vlad the impaler used to do the guy that was responsible for the the legend of dracula the legend of dracula came from an actual man who was such a ruthless motherfucker that he would impale people on sticks. And keep their head on a stick, right? Their whole body, their head, parts of their body. And he would eat them. And he'd eat their flesh and he would force them to eat each other. He would cut their pieces up and cook it and feed it to each other.

Yeah, and then when people would leave them up there for months and people would come over, you know, his house, like, yeah, there's fucking some people I killed the other day. He wanted to make sure that everybody knew he was a bad motherfucker. Do not fuck with me. I'm taking shit to the next level. Yeah. Yeah, you may be willing to die, but are you willing to be put on a fucking stick and have me eat you for the next three days?

When things happen, man, when you hear about people kicking shit up to the highest, scariest notches, one of the scariest things that I ever read was about people that had arrived, the first people that arrived and encountered Native Americans. And some of the fucked up things that they did to the Native American babies, like, dashed their heads on rocks, like, picked them up by their feet

and dashed them on the rocks. And there was all... Yeah, this was Columbus, man, Columbus's boys. Dude, Columbus was essentially a mass murderer. Columbus was essentially a serial killer. You know, what those people had done, Columbus and the people that came with him, what they had done to the Native Americans that were there,

you know, I don't know if there was resistance, if, you know, the Native Americans attacked first. I don't know what the fuck started it all off. But if you go into, like, the ancient, like, I was writing a script once at one point in time. I was writing a movie, a werewolf movie about the Old West. It was like a long time ago, like 10 years ago. As I'm writing this, I started really getting into the Old West

and reading all these stories about all these different battles and the fucking brutality on both sides, the brutality, the horrible shit that people would do where American soldiers would cut the pussy out of dead American Indians. Cut their pussy out and wear it on their hats. It was like a thing that they did all the time. That's probably why they did it.

Because they turned to their other buddies and their buddies went Yeah, it probably is why. But the reaction still hasn't changed. It's also to let people know that you're taking shit to the next level. And everybody has this romanticized vision of how the American Indians lived and they were in It's also to let people know that you're taking shit to the next level. And everybody has this romanticized vision of how the American Indians lived and they were in peace and harmony.

Yes and no, because they weren't in peace and harmony with themselves. No, they were infighting. They fought all the time. The Sioux Indians, for example, the term Sioux, that's not what they called themselves. What they called themselves is Lakota. They were the Lakota people. The other Indians called them the Sioux because Sioux means enemy. Really? Yes, because these motherfuckers were just the biggest, baddest motherfuckers,

and they would come in and kick ass on the other Indians and rape their women and kill everybody. And so they called them the Sioux. Sioux. What a weird way to live, though, riding around on animals, shooting fucking pointed sticks at other animals. With my pussy hat. And by the way, they didn't animals, shooting fucking pointed sticks at other animals. Like my pussy hat. And by the way, they didn't even have horses until the Spaniards arrived. Yeah, until they brought them over. Yeah, when the Europeans arrived, that's when they started riding horses.

Before, they were living like this crazy nomadic life of thousands of years ago. Like, they had nothing going on. They didn't have the wheel. They didn't have shit happening. They were living like this weird, harmonious, almost like animal, like advanced animal life. You know, they would, uh, they would do a lot of hunts where they would do hunts by exhaustion, where they would follow a deer and a warrior would chase a deer down and literally run at that deer until that deer died of exhaustion. And then they would kill it and then they would all eat it, but they would chase them for miles. They just were in such incredible shape and they had, well, they had to

do this to stay alive. You know, when you don't have, you know, when you don't have a horse to chase after something, you have to chase after it on foot, you know, and if maybe your bows and arrows suck, you know, maybe you haven't figured that out yet. So you're living like people live thousands and thousands of years ago. So in Europe, they had written language. They had culture. They had plays. They had all this shit going on.

They were so advanced as far as like society. And then you would come to North America and there was savages. Like literally. I get sometimes I'm so tired. I'm like, I'm not even going to walk to the store. Buy the shit that has already been killed for me. I know, right? And then you got to get out of the car.

I watched True Grit the other day. Did you like it? It was good, man. The new one is good. He's a good actor, fucking Jeff Bridges, bro. Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. He's really good. Matt Damon was good in it, too.

Everybody was good in it. The little girl was good. It's a good movie. That was her first thing ever. Really? She did an episode of, I don't know, Modern Family and then this. She's fucking good, man. She was.

She can act her ass off. But you look at that movie and you see the hardships of the time, like how people were, you know, the shit they had to go through back then, just riding around on animals, just that alone. You either get on this stupid, stinky train that goes like 30 miles an hour or you have to ride an animal. Your call. Your call. Everything kills you.

Yeah, I know. You get a cold. Most likely you're going to die. That reminds me of your joke. I probably don't do it anymore. The one where you're like – and half your family – you travel across the country and half your family is going to die on the trip. Yeah. Half of you are going to die. you're not even going to make it yeah that's the best case scenario remember how that bit goes but yeah it's like i don't remember what stage court but yeah yeah

the whole thing you're like this is where we live now yeah because you just got you were the lazy ones you're like i well the yeah the idea was the only people in paducah kentucky aren't in paducah because paducah is the shit yeah they're in paducah because they were walking across the country and they went my feet hurt let's stop here and fuck and they just stayed in some shitty spot who the fuck would want to just keep doing it though god it's hard because you know you would you would survive man it's like when you watch lost it all makes sense they crash on this plane they crash their plane on this island the survivors learn how to eat coconuts and this is what we do now our society is here this is where we live now you know i mean it makes sense that's what you do it's what you would do too you would form some new society and

new culture in the woods you know and you would figure out how to fucking use uh coconuts to go retrieve water from the little little fountain you know fuck this is what we do now you would do it until you died you know because the alternative is like what are you gonna do you're gonna commit suicide get to the highest cliff and drop down and and bash your head on the rocks because you can't handle what thousands of years of people have handled before you it may not be like i don't i don't have like i can't get suntan. I'll burn. So I have two days of bad sunburn. Ramazeezy is Italian, though. Yeah, but I'm half Irish.

And the Irish is dominated? I burn, dude. So I know in my mind, I'm like, yeah, we'll figure it out. But I got a week of fucking sunburn ahead of me. I'm like, you got to stay in the sun. You got to wipe poop all over you or something. It's weird how human beings have evolved to different climates. Like if you go to Ireland, everyone in Ireland is white like paper.

They're white as fuck because it's rainy all the time, and they don't have to deal with the clouds. They don't have to deal with the sun. No, like sick ETs. Yeah, but then when you get a place like America, it's like this weird melting pot, and people, their genetics have come from all these different places, and now all of a sudden they're in some strange environments where you've got like blonde people in Phoenix. If you're a blonde person living in Phoenix, Arizona,

you've got exactly 10 hours every year of being in the sun, getting baked down before you start developing cancer. You've got 365 days of the year, and out of those days you've got about 10 hours where maybe if you ration it off over the course of a year, you can survive being outside. But if you want to be some sort of a fucking farmer or if you like fishing and your arms are always outside in the sun, you're going to develop some weird shit on your arms. I know. There's radiation.

I've seen – I've been on boats before, like fishermen you talk about, like, dudes that look like me, but just, like, when they take their shirt off, but, like, their arms and their faces just look like fucking leather bags. Yeah, dude. Yeah, a thousand years old. Being in the sun all the time is terrible for you. It's weird. It's like this giant nuclear explosion that's millions of miles away that keeps us alive, but it

also wants to kill us. Yeah. We need it, but it wants us to die. And if we move just a little bit too far away from it, we freeze to death. A little bit too close, and all the water evaporates, and we cook. You know, it's like the delicate balance. You know, the only reason why we're able to live on this planet and this environment is stable at all is because of our moon.

Because our moon is so large. Our moon is one quarter the size of the earth and it's in you know a stationary orbit and it keeps our orbit stationary it's it's gravity interacts with our gravity and it keeps us in a stable path where every year we're you know it doesn't get too cold and it doesn't doesn't get too hot doesn't vary too much but other planets some planets have elliptical orbits where their distance between the sun and them changes rapidly. Yeah, radically. And it's also like the angle that you turn.

Like the moon doesn't turn. The moon, it follows us. The same face faces us all the time. It spins around with us, but it spins around with us with the same look, whereas other planets spin. They spin and they have crazy orbits. Like if you look at the orbits, we would think that orbits would all be circular, but other planets spin. They spin and they have crazy orbits. If you look at the orbits, we would think that orbits would all be circular, but they're not. I just started realizing this when I started studying all the Zacharias Hitchin stuff. We started talking about Nibiru, the ancient Sumerians, the oldest known civilization as far as written language and

mathematics. They talked, according to zechariah sitchin guy a lot of people have doubted what he says and have you know contradicted him but he said that there was a planet that was 3 600 miles away and or 300 3 000 every 3 600 years this planet that's on this crazy elliptical orbit comes between mars and jupiter and that there's and i i thought about this and i was like, are planets elliptical? Is that even possible? And if you want to know what elliptical is, elliptical is like NASCAR.

Instead of a circle, you know, it's like a long It's an oval. Yeah, like an oval. Well, apparently there's a lot of planets that are elliptical. A lot. And binary star systems. There's a lot of binary star systems, too. And that's one of the things they think that they suspect might be outside of Pluto. Like, there's all this speculation lately about there's something wrong with the moon's gravity

and the way the moon's orbit is that it's reflective of some larger body in the solar system. And there's also a lot of evidence of something called the galactic shelf and the Kuiper belt and all these asteroids that are on the real outskirts of our solar system, like outside of Pluto. Well, apparently there's like a big drop off and they're really quite sure that there's some large body out there. And it's probably four times the size of Jupiter, at least. And Jupiter is fucking enormous. So they think that this might be a brown dwarf star,

that we might actually have a binary star system, but that this other star is way the fuck out there, and it's like it's a brown dwarf, and I guess you can't see them that well. I guess it's very difficult to figure out where the fuck it is and spot it, and they haven't been able to locate it yet. But there's so little we know about this whole fucking thing that we live in. Look how long it's been, and look how we haven't even sent a human to Mars.

Yeah. Technically, if you look at the whole thing, it's like our back's... We haven't even gone off our back porch yet. Not even into the fucking backyard or the pool or wherever. Yeah, and most people believe we went on the moon. I'm skeptical still, and that sounds ridiculous to say, but we haven't been back since 1972. And I know people say, so what, it's the funding? Yeah, it seems to me like there's some fucking shenanigans going on.

I've looked very, very closely at the whole moon landing thing, and it's a ridiculous subject to bring up, because even me saying it and hearing my own voice questioning it, I sound like a retard. I sound like a retard to me. But I still can't buy it 100%. I just don't. 1969 and 1972, there were seven trips, six successful. That's the only time in human history that humans have been above 400 miles of the Earth's surface. Only the Apollo missions, the Apollo missions before that as well. No biological entity from

the United States ever went into space and came back alive except humans. We never even sent a chicken around the moon to see if it survives. We just threw them out into deep space and threw them out into extreme radiation and they returned successfully every single time. And yet we haven't been able to go back since 1972. Every other man made or a manned mission from that point on has only been up to 400 miles, like under 400 miles of the Earth's surface. They went 260,000 miles out and back. They did it in 72, man, 69 to 72. And people will say all kinds of things like, the Soviets could have, you know, they would have pulled the trigger and told on us if that was the case.

Maybe, but who the fuck knows what kind of weird shit goes on when people are actually running countries? Who knows what kind of deals they have? WikiLeaks. Yeah, exactly. He knows. He might know. He knows now. There was no WikiLeaks in 69. He would have said it, though, if he knows, right?

He would have leaked that. Yeah, but why would that be in WikiLeaks? I mean, who the fuck needs to know if they actually faked the moon landing suit? Who needs to know? A few people, you know? You know, like... Everyone in the space station? What the fuck is the guy that made 2001 A Space Odyssey?

Oh, um... Kubrick? Stanley Kubrick, yeah. Stanley Kubrick. That was the number one conspirator, speculative guy that they said that Kubrick was probably in on it. And that he, you know, because he had a relationship with NASA and NASA came to him for some things. He probably borrowed the cameras from it or something like that,

if I remember. It's a total retard argument. I understand, folks. And if you're here listening, you go, fucking Rogan, man, unfollow on Twitter. I'm no longer a fan. You question the movement. We were there, and I was a proud American. First of all, it's not question the movement. We were there and I was a proud American.

First of all, it's not we. It's got nothing to do with being a proud American. It's got nothing to do with us. This is us and in 1969 it's not you, dude.

Those are different human beings. Maybe we did go. It's very possible that we did go or it's very possible that the whole thing was a fucking hoax.

I think we went. I think it's possible. I wouldn't be shocked but I've talked to people that really truly believe that we went. And it sounds to me a lot like religion. They're not willing to, they're not willing to question it. They keep saying, what are the odds? It's impossible to fake this. Look, they faked a lot of shit. They faked the Gulf of Tonkin incident that got us into the Vietnam war. They were going to fake operation Northwood. They're going to blow up civilian airliners and blame it on the Cubans to get us

to go to war with Cuba. They're going to arm Cuban friendlies. They were going to blow up civilian airliners and blame it on the Cubans to get us to go to war with Cuba. They were going to arm Cuban friendlies and attack Guantanamo Bay. This is all shit that was, this is not Alex Jones, ladies and gentlemen. Black helicopters. This is real shit. This is not, I'm not making this up. This is all freedom of information stuff. And here's a quote, and this is the last thing I'm going to say on it, because this is right out of Bill Clinton's book.

Bill Clinton wrote this. Just a month before Apollo 11 astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong had left their colleague Michael Collins aboard spaceship Columbia and walked on the moon, beating by five months President Kennedy's goal of putting a man on the moon before the decade was out, the old carpenter asked me if I really believed it happened. I said, sure, I saw it on television. He disagreed. He said that he didn't believe it for a minute, that them television fellers could make things look real that weren't. Back then, I thought he was a crank.

During my eight years in Washington, I saw some things on TV that made me wonder if he wasn't ahead of his time. That's Bill fucking Clinton. Bill fucking Clinton. But what does it mean does it might mean nothing it might mean that he's just saying that that people are full of shit you say or it might mean that he just questioned the moon landing he just said that that guy might have been ahead of his time it is quite possible look if you were the president you found that people really didn't go to moon you can't tell you can't tell you can't just come out and say that and this is about as

as transparent as you can get by saying that we didn't out and say that and this is about as transparent as you can get by saying that we didn't go to the moon and putting it in a book I would love to ask him about that quote he wouldn't tell you shit no one will ever ask him about that one quote somebody needs to just ask him about that one quote who's ever going to get that chance

I'm sure a lot of people now he's probably hanging out he's probably got Twitter I say the most likely scenario is that the moon landings were real and that people look for a conspiracy in everything. And if you look close enough at anything, you can start to convince yourself that it's a hoax. That is absolutely possible. It's also possible they faked the whole fucking thing. It is possible that they murdered Gus Grisham.

He was the guy that was the fucking astronaut in the Apollo 1. He was the guy that died in the simulator, burned to death with two other people. That guy was questioning whether or not they were going to be able to get to it left and right. He actually hung a lemon on the simulator. And when he was doing interviews with reporters, he'd tell people that this is a lemon. And they can't even communicate with this fucking tower that's, you know, a half a mile away.

He goes, how the fuck are we going to talk to people when we're on the moon 260,000 miles away? That guy died, okay? And his family to this day, I mean, maybe it's just his son that, you know, misses his daddy and believes in conspiracies too, but they believe that NASA murdered him. There was also a guy, and his name was Thomas Ronald Barron, and he was hired by Congress. He was a safety inspector.

He was hired by Congress to oversee NASA and look at the whole moon landing thing and see whether or not it's feasible. Well, this guy put together this 500-page report, and he questioned whether or not they were ever going to get to the moon. He said NASA was in such complete disarray that he didn't think they were ever going to be able to do it. That guy died a couple, I don't remember how long afterwards. It was very close afterwards, in his car, parked on a train track with his whole family. Parked his car on a train track and died when the train hit the car.

Really? Yeah. Which is, by the way, how they got rid of people in 1969, folks. They killed Kennedy. They can kill you, too. And if you think that you're going to go around undermining NASA's fake mission to the moon, well, guess what? We're going to park your car on a train track and, you know, you're going to disappear.

And so is your little report. And oh, look, we're on the moon. Crazy. Is it? Who the fuck knows? I don't know. None of us do. I'm certainly not claiming to be the possessor of some unattainable truth.

All I'm saying is it is possible. They could have pulled it off. I firmly believe that with the insane budget they had operating, they could have pulled off almost anything short of faking Godzilla attacking Tokyo. Did you see that movie, Wag the Dog? Yes. It's fascinating. It's like what they just came up with on the fly.

It was like on the fly how Hoffman's character just was like, all right, then we'll do this. We'll bring in this guy, and then we'll cast this guy. It's a brilliant movie. It was a really great movie. And that is what they could do. Look, who the fuck knows? I know it's a retard, and I'm not married to this.

I swear to God I'm not. I had two arguments on the air on the Penn and Teller show, on Penn Jillette, rather Penn Jillette's radio show with this guy, Phil Plate. Great guy. Who's a and he runs bad astronomy dot com. And I debated him about it, you know, and I thought he was going to clown me and he kind of did and in some ways in the first one because he was he kind of corrected me on some things and made me like really kind of see where he was coming from but also he was like not willing to look at the possibility that was fake i said you have to look at things from both sides before you form a belief in it you have to you have to look at it from both sides before you choose what side you believe yeah but he's always going to believe in the side of science he's a scientist and he's an astronomer and it makes sense to me. But when I was talking to him about certain things, man, one of them was, they had some

photos that they took, the Clementine Lunar Orbiter, and they took these photos of the launch sites and they had these little specks that were on the ground and they said that this is like infrared photos from 30 miles up or whatever the fuck it was, 300 miles up, whatever the satellite it was, 300 miles up,

whatever the satellite is, how far away it is from the moon, and that these are photos and they show the landing site because it's like a blast crater from when the thing took off. And I'm like, how is that possible that you're accepting that that is the photo of the launch site when if you look at the launch site in those high-resolution close-up photos, there's no disturbance whatsoever

there's one of the things that like yeah all the hoaxsters all the you know the people that think it's a hoax that's what they always point to that this 10 000 pounds of thrust would have blasted a fucking hole in the ground but meanwhile when they landed there was like it was totally undisturbed like how are you going to get crystal clear close-up high resolution photos that show no disturbance but you're you're going to be able to see it from orbit miles above the Earth. You're going to be able to see this little tiny dot from 300 miles up. That's craziness. And he didn't have anything to say to that.

I was like, you never considered that? You never looked at these little craters and said, how does that make sense? How is that possible? How many living people are still around that have been on the moon? There's quite a few. There's quite a few. There's a bunch. You know, they're all squirrely, man.

Buzz Aldrin, there's some fascinating interviews with him, man. It's fascinating. One of them with this guy who runs, he made the movie A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Moon, and he tells Buzz Aldrin that he's a liar, and Buzz Aldrin punches him in the head. Oh, yeah. Which, by the way, rightly so.

Fuck you, man. Even if the guy did fucking fake the moon landing, what do you think is his idea? You know, you don't think he got talked into doing that? You don't think that maybe they had some fucking guns to his head? Maybe they scared the shit out of him? He became a massive alcoholic after he came back from the moon landings. One of the weirdest things about the moon landings

is you have to watch the post-flight press conference. I am no science expert, but I am an expert in bullshit. I know when people are lying. I can fucking see it. I can smell it. And you can, too. There's a weird thing with humans where we can tell when people are being deceptive.

And the video of them coming back from the moon, man, it seems like they're full of shit. It doesn't seem like they're nervous. They're definitely nervous, too, but it also seems like they're full of shit. Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins, they're just shitty actors, man. Was it like an open press conference where the core could ask? One of them, they ask him, what was it like? Did you see any stars when you were on the moon? And Michael Collins says, I don't recall seeing any stars when I was on the moon.

I don't recall seeing any. But meanwhile, he never left the command module in the story. The narrative is that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong made it to the moon, but Michael Collins stayed in orbit. He never went on the moon. So they attributed that quote to Buzz Aldrin in the transcript

because Michael Collins would never say it. Look, it's all conspiratorial talk. I know it is. But there's enough shit there that makes me go, I'm not willing to totally buy this. I know it sounds ridiculous. I know it is. But there's enough shit there that makes me go, I'm not willing to totally buy this. I know it sounds ridiculous. I know the arguments that the

Occam's razor, man, most likely scenario, you have to go with that one. The most likely scenario is that we can't do it anymore because of budgetary reasons and this and that. But there's never been a single technological achievement from 1969 that's not cheaper, easier, or faster to reproduce today,

except for putting people on the moon. That one is weird. That one, every time they talk about putting people back, it's 2020 or 2022, but every president says they're going to do it. George Herbert Walker Bush said he was going to do it. Bill Clinton said he was going to do it. George Bush said he was going to do it. They all talked about putting people back on the moon. Could you imagine today if Barack Obama was going to they all talked about putting people back on the moon could you imagine today if barack obama was like we have enough problems right fucking here yeah this is not the time to also do this it's also not the time to invade pakistan it's not the time to be in afghanistan it's the time to be concentrating on our own economy it's going to that scary shit man all of it's scary pakistan thing is because you know if you start with them then that cuts

off all support to afghanistan and it's like now now it's game on you want to fight three fucking pro you want to have three wars at one time and by the way that's when iran is is comes into the picture too what i mean there's there's all this talk about invading iran what if iran you know keeps up its military program or its nuclear program rather and then we have to invade Iran yeah I don't know man my point about all this is that

we don't know what the fuck the people who are quote unquote running this world are doing we don't know what they're doing we assume that what they're telling us is what's really going on. But they've been proven over and over again throughout history to be full of shit. They've even said they're going to be full of shit to protect us.

They've said that the CIA has come out. It was mainstream news reported that they were going to start making artificial stories and putting them in the news to throw off the terrorists. Well, when you start doing that, man, all bets are off. You start lying to everybody to protect us. Jesus fucking Christ, where's the accountability? When does this stop? Why are we angry at the world? Why is the world angry at us?

Why are we there? Does this really have to be micromanaged? Do we really have to manage all the people in the world and keep everybody under our thumb? Are you sure? Is it just because we've been doing it forever? I mean, is there a better way to approach this? I just feel like right now with what is happening here and the sentiment that people feel about what's going on over in the Middle East

and they're taking, not that they're taking care of the business on their own, but you see things starting to play out where even in Egypt, it's like they're handling, the uprisings are happening and they're not perfect, but things are getting sorted out on their own. And for us to be there interfering or being the catalyst for those kind of things to happen

is not a good idea. Well, I think these uprisings... You're knocking at the fucking hornet's nest rather than just letting it be and letting them take care of themselves or take care of the situations that they're not happy about themselves. Yeah, but I guess you've got to kind of keep dictators from rising up and just fucking up people too. It's like – because also when you get a dictatorship – But we don't do that. We don't do that.

We do it when it's – but when they're our allies or they're our friends, then it's cool. Right. This is the guy that runs the thing. I know're our friends, then it's cool. This is the guy that runs the thing. I know there's problems, but there's always been problems. He's our friend. Wait, he's not our friend? Fucking let's go. Everyone in.

Get him in. We got to get him out. We got to get the next guy we can trust in there. Right, like Egypt. Exactly. Mubarak. Yeah. Mubarak.

That's my fear about Pakistan now. It's like we've been giving one and a half billion dollars a year for arms and it's like now, wait a second, you've had this guy for five fucking years he's lived in this house. Five fucking years. In squalor.

800 yards away from a military base? You gotta be fucking kidding me, man. At some point, like, look, I'm not a cop, but I mean,

you didn't know that was in your yard no sir oh and by the way did you guys not was an acre of dialysis either did you hear about that really there was no dialysis machine i that's what i read but there's it's like that's another thing we were told about like the dialysis thing and that he's he was an almost an invalid you know and it's like this guy was fucking roaming around this house for five years, and nobody picked up on this? Yeah, it's a very fantastic story. And we talked about this yesterday, and we said that if you had a movie, and in the movie you wanted to have an ending where it could leave room for the sequel, this is the perfect ending. You don't get to see the body.

They dump him in the ocean. What the fuck, man? It's almost like they want people to get even if they did have photos of them now let them fucking guess it keeps things interesting keeps things humming along keeps people distracted i want to see a fucking photo i wanted to saddam they showed him die yeah they didn't just show them they showed video why can't yeah why can't we have a little they showed roshan rondo's arm dislocated a thousand times on the news that night. It was horrible to look at.

We could see a fucking photo of a – It's sort of like we've fought this. We've paid for this war for ten years. We've had so much fucking problems financially here. We send troops over there. They've done – Let us see the fucking photo. We paid for the shit.

I can see the argument for not showing it. I can see that it's going to make him a martyr. I can see that it's going to make people in the militant movement, the Islamic militant movement, they're going to use that as propaganda. I can see that it's better to not show it. When you're dealing with religious fanatics, it's better to just – if you really did have it, yeah, jump it in the ocean. I'm not saying it's not the upper hand. Or put it on ice where everybody can – like the next president can come check it out. I'm not saying it's not the high road.

It's the high road. You're right. It is the high road. But I don't really know. out. I'm not saying it's not the high road. It's the high road. You're right. It is the high road. But I don't really know. I don't know if we're. Even the high road. I don't even think it's the high road.

I mean, I just think it's the smart road. I think, you know, if you look at as far as benefit to, you know, to negative repercussions, you would have to say that the benefit would lie in not stirring up more than possible. If you already killed the guy and you did the work, you did what the public wants you to do. You got rid of public enemy number one. You got rid of this guy. You got his computers. If that really happened the way they said it happened, yeah, what the fuck, man? You don't have to show people the pictures.

You're protecting people. You did your job. If everybody is secure and all the people who are important have seen the photos, yeah, man, I don't think we all need to see it. I don't think it needs to be distributed to the world. What about this? What if they said it's on this? It doesn't mean that I don't want to see it. It's on this website. If you want to look at it, great. If you don't, you don't. No, that's not good because then the Islamic terrorists are going to be able to look at it. They're going to look at it and they're going to

go fucking crazy and there he is. They strap themselves up with dynamite. What if it's a private domain? It's password protected. You can't fucking get through that. You know a hacker will get it. It's password protected. It'll be a couple months or a year and then the hacker's gonna somehow hack somebody's computer that has

it or do something. There's gonna be a wiki. Maybe if this happened 10 years ago, I would say definitely. But I think now, I think probably not. I think now they're probably pretty good at stopping shit like that from happening. If it's all legit. Wasn't the Pentagon just hacked like a couple months ago? We had Brian Callen on yesterday, and I love Brian's take on things because it's very Fox News-like.

Yeah. Right? He's a – by the way he grew up and he's very – he believes that they're doing the right things and he believes that whatever the narrative is that he follows whatever America is, the reason why we're there in certain places. And he doesn't believe in conspiracies. But when you look at all the different goddamn stories like Pat Tillman, you know, how they tried to change that fucking story. Oh, yeah.

And butcher that. And he was killed by friendly fire. And the Jessica Lynch story. And these are just the ones that have blown up in our faces. How many of these have they got away with? How many stories that we think are history are just total, complete horseshit? There's a lot. A lot.

There's a fuckload, man. You've got to be crazy to believe everything they say. I'm not saying that you should believe in conspiracy theories, because a lot of them are just as nuts. And by the way, some of the really nutty conspiracy theories, Garol fucking T, those are put in place by the government to discredit conspiracy theories. That's a tactic that's been used from the beginning of time. That's what they do. It's disinformation.

They put out disinformation. They'll give you a bunch of good information, a bunch of things that make sense. Like they'll say that Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone. And, you know, he thought that he was, you know, doing this, but they had set him up and they really shot Kennedy with assassins that were set up in different parts of the grassy knoll and all throughout Dallas, Texas. And the reason why they used Lee Harvey Oswald is because they needed him to die so that he could go through a wormhole to Alpha Centauri to bring back the Master.

And the Master is going to rechange. All they have to do is that. And then all of a sudden all the Lee Harvey Oswald stuff is bullshit. Now it's crazy talk. You get people like, you can't say Lee Harvey Oswald because then he's going to go to a fucking cell somewhere. Exactly. It's like, try talking about UFOs. Try talking about aliens. Try talking about anything along those lines,

and you automatically get labeled a kook. Try talking about Bigfoot. You're a fucking kook. But meanwhile, Bigfoot might have very well existed. There's an animal called a Gigantopithecus. It's a fucking huge, eight-foot-tall, erect ape that lived in Asia and might very well have come across the Bering Strait. Is it still alive now? Probably not, but might have existed at one point in time. It's a real animal. It's, you know, they know what they think it might be, and it looks like Bigfoot. So it did exist, and it existed just 100,000 years or so ago. And there's been many, many instances of shit that they thought was long dead, like the

coelacanth. It was a fish that's a goddamn prehistoric monster. It's a fucking dinosaur. Hundreds of millions of years old. They thought this thing was long extinct until I believe it was the 1930s. Someone caught one and they're like, whoa, these are alive. They're alive. They're in the ocean.

Who the fuck knows what's in the Pacific Northwest? Fly over that shit in an airplane. I know. I was just up in Kirkland, Washington last weekend or two weekends ago. Fucking crazy up there. Dense forest, man. You're talking about millions of acres. Millions of square miles, probably.

You know? How many square... That's not true. Thousands of square miles, though. What is a... A square mile's a weird thing. Like, there's a lot of footage in a square mile. It's not like the distance between two points. Yeah, well, how do you do it on a hill or something? I don't know. Millions of acres, for sure. But whatever it is, when you fly over it, you look at the density of the Pacific Northwest has legitimate rainforests where you can't see inside. You don't know what the fuck is in there.

There's a lot of crazy shit in there. Is there Bigfoot? Probably not. Probably not. But I wouldn't be surprised if it is. If they've caught Bigfoot, though, really, what is it? It's just a big, stupid monkey. Yeah.

It wouldn't be any different than an orangutan. I mean, it would be cool if it talked. Yeah, if it talked and it dressed up in clothing. If it was like, oh, you guys, congratulations. Had a whole family. Yeah. Bigfoot was divorced. Yeah.

It's got two kids it doesn't see. You know, they didn't discover the mountain gorilla until 1902. You know when I discovered the mountain gorilla? Three seconds ago. I know. It's a mountain gorilla. It's a I just, you know, when I discovered the mountain gorilla, three seconds ago. I know. It's a mountain gorilla. It's a giant-ass fucking huge gorilla. It's a big-ass fucking gorilla.

I'm learning something. My son loves dinosaurs. He's two and a half. So we went to the Museum of Natural History in New York. And just going, like, it's cool. Like, I haven't been to museums since I was a kid, really. It's like going back now, you actually care and you're learning more. Like, watching him and I

Together like Oh shit This is fucking Like I looked at a T-Rex It was fucking massive It's massive Incredible The vertebrae on the T-Rex

Is bigger than my fucking forearm Crazy Just tremendous They try to figure out What the fuck How the Why the T-Rex was built like that too There's so much speculation.

Why did this thing have these giant legs and these weird arms? Little tiny arms. Could it run? Could that thing even run? And how fast? If you look at Jurassic Park, they ran. Remember? They ran really fast.

Yeah. But the speculation is that that's not possible. And then there's other speculation by more fringe people that think that the atmosphere was different then. That it was a much denser atmosphere, that it could carry your weight better, the gravity was lighter or something. Well, I also think they were unbelievably they never got off balance because their tail weighed almost as much as the front part

so they were never, they could just lock those legs down and just move around and you can really get them off balance. There's also speculation that T-Rex was just a scavenger. That those big teeth were just for breaking up bones. Oh, really? And shit was dying left and right all over the place,

and they would just find it. Like a garbage disposal? Just eat whatever you like? Yeah, like raptors would kill something, and they would just go, get out of here, bitch. That shit's mine. And then they would be big and ugly.

There's even speculation about their coloring, that their coloring would be very vulture-like, and it's possible that they were really hideousous looking they were just giant garbage disposals it's still fun to see like all the just the gigantic massive fucking bones they had and stuff it's crazy what people don't realize man is that if this i mean that world that existed you know 65 million years ago before that giant meteor hit and killed all those dinosaurs that world could easily be right now if that meteor didn't hit, and there would be no people. No.

There would be nothing. Those things like the world that we have now is one of several mass extinction event worlds. There's been several different ones along the lines, and this is the latest to survive the last mass extinction. But they're all very different. They're all very different. There's very few animals that survive that. The one that hit the Yucatan, they say it was five miles long

and that it was five miles deep into the earth in the first second and a half it hit. Really? Five miles deep into the earth in the first second and a half that it hit. And that's not unusual. That's happened a bunch of times over the course of the history of the Earth. Yeah, and that can happen, man. And there ain't shit to do about it. Fuck Bruce Willis. You can't shoot a rocket and land on that thing and deflect it. I love that movie.

It's a great movie. I love that movie. If you're high and dumb. That movie sucked. I love that movie. What was better, though? That one or Deep Impact? I like that movie because of Buscemi.

I just love Buscemi, how creepy and weird he was, just fucking the rocket. I don't know. I don't remember that. Buscemi just cracked me up. I remember it had one of those really fucking lame Aerosmith ballads. Oh, yeah. Living on the edge. No, not that.

It's weird to see Steven Tyler, man. It's weird to see him. I don't hate the guy i i'm a huge fan of his earlier stuff oh you're talking about american idol yeah it's weird it's weird to see him on american idol it's weird to see the those ballads too man those those movie romantic movie ballads that they started producing that were just you know you go back to like walk this way you know you go back to some of their shit that they put out. I mean, it was just some badass rock and roll, man.

You know, Run DMC had to be talked into doing Walk This Way. Really? They were pissed. They were like, we're fucking gangsters. We don't want to fucking have a guitar in it. I think it was Rev Run did an interview. He was like, then we got our first check. We were like, fuck yeah.

Like Rick Rubin, we were giving him a high five. They made like more money off their first check from Walk This Way than they had like their whole career put together. Well, it was a good collaboration too. It actually was one of the few that made both songs better. Like that Anthrax one too is pretty good. Oh, with Run DMC? Yeah. I don't know that one.

What is that one? Fuck, how does it go? I remember the video. Bring the noise. Bring the noise, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Turn up the trail. Bring the noise.

Yeah, that was cool, man, when rappers, I mean, now the best things are mashups, you know, when they're not really doing it, but someone else does it together. We require DJs to do that. My favorite, man,

is the Jimi Hendrix one with Jay-Z. 99 Problems mixed with Voodoo Child. Oh, really? I haven't heard that one. You never heard that? No. That's my premier workout shit.

When I want to kick things, when I'm working out and I want to kick it to the next level, I throw that on because it's just a fucking jam. Jimi Hendrix guitar and that 99 Problems song all jammed up into one song. Fuck! I'm going gonna go google some shit out of that son listen to some old school daft punk too that shit's so awesome like the guitar in that one song daft punk what do they say uh fast stronger faster better they they uh they do a lot of songs oh there's somebody made a mashup of one of my rants from the podcast

mixed with a daft Punk song. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot of like mellow kind of like techno type music. But then they have some just amazing songs. And one of the songs, it's called, I think it's called Digital Love. But it has this awesome guitar solo in the middle of it. That's just pretty badass. I'm psyched. I'm going to, we're playing Bonnaroo this year. Who's we? The League show. We're going to do we're playing Bonnaroo this year. Who's we?

The league show. We're going to do a league live show there. What are you going to do? How do you do that? It's, they have a tent for comedy. I think it's like, we're going,

Louis Black's going, you know, this is like one of the things, we do like a show together where the four of us do stand up and stuff. Oh, that's cool. And do some fuck around.

But yeah, I mean like, everyone's going to be there. Eminem's going to be there, the Black Keys, Mumford & Sons. Yeah, everyone's just going to be, it's going to be there, the Black Keys Mumford & Sons Everyone's just going to be I hope it's like an hour outside of Nashville Dude, that sounds awesome

It's the biggest It's like Coachella And they do a lot of stand-up at those too, don't they? They do, yeah This is my first experience with that I'm doing that and then next week I'm doing this Country-Western Musical Festival I'm doing my first experience with that. I'm doing that, and then the next week I'm doing this country western, like, musical...

Festival? Festival thing. Me and Jimmy Schubert and John Reap. Jimmy Schubert. I'm like, this is going to be either the best slash worst weekend of my life. I haven't seen Jimmy Schubert around in ages. Yeah, I know. He's great.

It's those guys, man. This is the core Comedy Store group. Could I ask you a question? Sure. Your advice on something. I was listening to one of the podcasts you were talking about going through a period where you were on television and still doing stand-up but you felt old like your shit was getting old and you were getting tired of it and i've just recently gone through that or i'm i think i'm coming out of it I'm not sure what how did you know you just was it a feeling you had you're like I feel fucking fake right now yeah and then like how did you get

yourself out of you just did you just stop doing that shit just stop write new stuff right you gotta abandon the old material right and you know if you haven't recorded it just put it on a recording make sure you do an album do a cd yeah do a dvd do something but record it and move on yeah yeah it's important man you know i i didn't do that nearly as much when i was younger and i appreciate my act and i appreciate the process a lot more now and i don't take it for granted nearly as much now you know before when my act was like just completely solid and it was you know this is what i did for you know the next couple of years and i really didn't add too much to it and so there's a period like in the 90s where i did that where it just wasn't this stand-up wasn't the same thing as it is now

now stand-up is like this living thing that's constantly changing and evolving and i can't wait to get rid of my material to come out with new shit it's scary it's scary it's scary to abandon you know you have you know you have bits that are just proven gems i know it's tough to let those fucking bits go tough you got it though dude you got it i have hours of those things just laying around that i don't even remember anymore they're not even mine anymore they're the they're the ethers yeah they're peoples they're my fans stuff you know like the anna nicole smith i don't know how to do that anymore you know the tigers fucking bit i don't know how to do that hugh hefner bit i don't know how to do that those bits are gone i don't know how to do that anymore. The Tigers fucking bit, I don't know how to do that. Hugh Hefner bit, I don't know how to do that.

Those bits are gone. I don't know how to do them anymore. Do people shout out? Very rarely, the old ones. It's more the new ones now. You pulled Noah's Ark out of the balloon pretty well the other day. That's because I was high as fuck, son. Oh, really?

I was tuned into the ether. So, again, this weekend, Sam Tripoli and Tom Segura and me at Cobb's Comedy Club Thursday, Friday and Saturday I believe Saturday sold out I'm not sure I think most of the shows are almost sold out so there's not much left and we are doing Sal's Comedy Hole

Wednesday tomorrow night at 8pm what are you doing tomorrow night? you around? no I'm going to Vegas powerful Vegas what are you doing? I got a bachelor party I'm going to Vegas. Powerful Vegas. What are you doing? I got a bachelor party I'm going to for the three or four days. Stay safe, son. Don't do anything crazy.

Relaxing. Getting older. So that's it. We will be back tomorrow. Tomorrow we got Doug Benson with us. Is there any other gigs you want to plug? I'm doing with Brian Callen the Wrecker Theater in Baltimore. Memorial Day weekend Saturday night we're doing two shows at the theater. Me and Brian Callen, the Wrecker Theater. Where's that? In Baltimore, Memorial Day weekend, Saturday night. We're doing two shows at the theater, me and Brian Callen.

Nice. And then not this weekend, but next weekend I'm in Philadelphia at Helium Comedy Club. How do you and Brian do that? Do you do like a co-ed line thing? We haven't done it together yet. Yeah, we haven't done it. Who organized this? Our agent.

We have the same. So they sent this out and do it together. So you just flip a coin, like you open one, he'll open the other? I think that's how we'll do it. I haven't talked to Brian about it, but I figure that's how we'll do it. Powerful, powerful. Okay, that's it, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back tomorrow with Doug Benson.

And thank you again to the Fleshlight. If you go to joerogan.net, click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code name Rogan, and you will save 15% off the number one sex toy for men. Oh, shit, and I got one for% off the number one sex toy for men. Oh, shit, and I got one for Steve Rannazzisi. Oh, yeah. And that's it. All right, follow Steve on Twitter.

Oh, this is a tough one. Ready for this? S-T-E-V-E. Now, here it's Rannazzisi. So there's almost a Nazi in there, but there's two Zs. It's Steve and then R-A-N-N-A-Z-Z-I-S-I. Learn it. You need to change that.

Yeah, why don't you just change it? No way. I'm too deep now. I'm too far in. He's too far in. I'm in the grid. It's fucking with your Twitter counts, though, I guarantee you. Oh, I'm sure it is.

It took me like 10 minutes to figure out how to spell it. Yeah, you know what I did? Work. On the Twitter page, if you put in the at sign and then start Steve, it shows me all the Steve's that I have.

Oh, really? And the R, and then it showed me you as an option. I'm like, yes. There it is. Thank God. Otherwise, you would have been like, fuck it.

That's how I do it. I'm on the show at three o'clock. Yeah. Thank you, everybody. And we'll see you tomorrow. Love you, bitches. Thank you. you