The Joe Rogan Experience - #1063 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 11, 2018

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and hosts his own podcast with his wife, Christina Pazsitzky called "Your Mom’s House" available on Spotify. His new special "Disgraceful" premieres on Netflix on January 12. http://tomsegura.com/

Just talk We're good. All right, we're live sort of sort of love We're rolling. We're rolling. We're rolling. We're rolling dog. So uh, so we were talking about the game we stopped Because we figured this is probably good for the podcast. So Ari finally paid off the bet I paid it off in a big way man big way in a big way So if you remember I when we were doing the weight loss challenge I already paid it off in a big way, man. Big way. In a big way. So if you remember, when we were doing the weight loss challenge, it was like whoever wins decides the sporting event. We're all sports fans, basically, you know. And I said at the time, I was like, let's go see Barcelona.

I think I wanted to see Barcelona play Paris in some tournament cup, a tournament that they were playing in. And I was like, two of the premier teams, and it would be fun to go to Europe and make Ari pay for it. So I told him that, and he was like, I'm going to fucking Malaysia. And he just left. So never heard from him again. And four months later, you know how it all played out.

So when he got back, he was getting fucking slammed by people because he was supposed to pay up this bet you know right and people were destroying him you know that I mean online they were just well sure you're a piece of shit probably worse than that but anyways once we got we got to like hanging out once we did the Sober October thing, he was just like, right before that actually, I think he was like, which means like, what do you wanna do? And I go, well, how about,

I go, he's like, you know, you picked the event. I go, I'm a big college football fan, let's go to the national championship game. Now remember, at the end the 2013 season, 2014, FSU and Auburn played in the Rose Bowl out here. And Bert's an FSU alum. I'm a big FSU fan. I was like, let's go to the game. And I remember that we met.

It was like we got somebody who had students. Because always in the national championship, they allow students to go to the game for pretty expensive, much less than the general public can go for. In other words, because you want students to have the ability to go to see their school play. So we got like student tickets for, I think they were $3.50 each. And that's pretty expensive, you know,

especially for a student, but I remember Bert treated me, he bought the ticket for me. And we went to that game, and he left at fucking halftime of the national championship game. Why did he leave? He was like, I'm tired. I've got to see the kids. I've been drinking. He just left.

It was one of the best games. He just left you there? Yeah. We were sitting in separate sections. But I was like, are you fucking—I was, like, texting him. He was like— So you were by yourself, and he was by himself. Yeah, yeah.

He knew more people at the game because a lot of his friends that he went to school with were at the game too. But I'm like, you're gone? Did you just see the kickoff return? The lead just swung and he was like, I'm at home. And I was like, all right. All right, psycho. How weird. So weird.

I gave him shit for it. I still give him shit for it. But it ended up being just this amazing finish. So anyways, when I tell Ari I want to go to this, I'm kind of thinking that's the ballpark. Like, because that's the only experience I have. So the game's in Atlanta. He buys tickets.

And I'm like, I go, you're not flying me, coach. You know that. He's like, no, you're the champ. You go first. Burt, Burt gets coached. Burt gets coached. Burt gets coached, and I'll get him a seatbelt extension. I'm like, all right, cool. you know that he's like no you're a champ you go first burt burke is coach burka's coach and i'll get him a seatbelt extension all right cool but bert ended up going from somewhere else so anyways he bought the ticket he got an airbnb a really nice house you know for a few days in atlanta and then it's uh you know it's the big thing is game day i'm

thinking like oh that's cool that you got these tickets and you got, you know, but I think it's like reasonable. And then we get to the stadium. It was a total fucking disaster to get in because Trump went to the game. So it was raining. It was wet. Secret service everywhere. Two hour lines to get into the venue. And I paid a guy, a security guy, a hundred bucks to walk us through the line which is which was almost

impossible because it was so packed but i don't know he just started walking us through the line like in front of people people were yelling at the security guy which was like so uncomfortable he's like a young black kid and like old white people were like the are you doing he's like i'm security and they're like you're not are you doing? He's like, I'm security. And they're like, you're not security, you piece of shit. Like right in front of us. And I was like, God damn. Like I just have never seen someone flip out like that. What we were doing was highly unethical.

We shouldn't have done it. But like, we just weren't gonna wait in that line. And then Burt, of course, Burt in a crowd like that, he's like, it's okay, I'm famous. We're famous guys. Like yelling that to people, which is like- No, he didn't oh absolutely he's like he's like everywhere we went if we went to a restaurant they would come up like

hey can i get you guys something to drink and he'd be like do you recognize us like they were like what was he serious i mean i think it's part of his like you know whatever style and then and they were like i'm sorry so part of a joke or part of kind of a joke. I think he's joking, but not, he's like halfway in the middle because one time, one time he was like, we're famous comedians.

And the lady was like, Oh, I know who you are. And he was like, isn't it awesome being famous guys? Shut up. And he was serious. I mean,

he's like half serious. He's like weird, but it's like, you see him in his element. It's like him in with crowds is really like you realize he really enjoys it. Like he really enjoys the large groups. He enjoys being recognized. He fucking like sometimes we were walking and people were like, hey, you're the guy.

I've seen you on Facebook. He's like, do you want a picture? And they're like, okay. Jesus Christ, Bert. Yeah, he loves it. He loves it. And then we were talking about how people would say, like, Tom. And I'm like, yeah.

And they're like, hey. And then they would walk away. They wouldn't come over to me. They're like, hi. And then they'd walk another way. But with Bert, they're like, I hug you. They take the shirt off. They sit together. They love it. And he's. They're like, hi. And then they'd walk another way. But with Bert, they're like, I hug you. They take their shirt off. They sit together.

They love it. And he's like in his glory with it. It's perfect. So anyways, we get through this horrific line into this unbelievable $1.6 billion stadium that they built in Atlanta. I mean, it's fucking amazing. It's such a beautiful, just standalone stadium. You know, it's so state-of-the-art. It's incredible.

We get in there. Ari got us 50-yard line, so right in the middle, like 20 rows back. I'm like, these are fucking amazing. Like, you couldn't ask for better seats. It has, like, some club access for, like,ze free food catered food prime rip i'm like jesus i'm like how much did you pay for these tickets he's like i go yeah i want to know thirty five hundred dollars each whoa i was like ari are you fucking shit he's like how to do it how to do it oh yeah but he fucking spent over $10,000 on tickets for us.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Unreal, man. That's amazing. I mean, those are great seats, dude. Those are absolutely amazing seats. You know, when the McGregor-Mayweather fight was going on,

I was hearing that people were buying tickets for a quarter million dollars. That's fucking retarded. That's so dumb to pay that much money. You say that, right? Yeah. But you're balling pretty hard right now. I mean, yeah. And back in the dizzay, if you thought about some of the shit that you can do now.

Yeah, that's true. I would be like, that's impossible. Yeah. So we were talking about Jeff Bezos before the show, who's now the richest man in human history. It's like an inconceivable amount of money. He's worth $105 billion, right? Which is just like, what the fuck?

He's like the eighth biggest landowner in the United States. Do you know that? He just buys. It's crazy. I'm not stunned, though. Of course not. He has 300,000 acres of Texas. Whoa.

That's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. That's a big slab. Yeah. He's just balling. He's just balling out of control. I'm pretty sure his DC home was either, I feel like it was either a museum or a hotel before. He was like, make that shit my house now. It was like a museum. They're like, it's your house. I wonder what he's like to hang out with. Cause there's a photo of him. See if you could find this photo, Jamie.'s a photo of jeff bezos from 1993

and he's got like a vinyl banner yeah above his desk that says amazon.com and it's just him in this janky little fucking ikea desk yeah like bad clothes yeah yeah it's kind of chubby yeah typing away and now he's like got some muscle. He's jacked and tan and probably got a supermodel for a girlfriend, does he? No. He's got a wife, four kids. Yeah. Normal? Yeah.

Really? She's an author. Yeah. How odd. I know. Odd. He doesn't schedule morning meetings so he can hang out with the kids. Really?

Yeah. Wow. I read all this stuff. I wonder why he's going so hard. Hmm. I don't he's going so hard. When you hit $105 billion, you would think you'd go, eh, we're good. I know. I think you just start really collecting.

Because when he bought the Washington Post, you know it's not like he's like, I love journalism. He's like, it'd be cool to own a newspaper. You know what I mean? At that level, you're just like, I like waterfalls. Are there any for sale or something? Well, he's got Washington Post is one of the weird ones where you get a link. Someone will send you a link, and you click on it, and it's a Washington Post article, and it says, you obviously love great journalism. Come sign up.

Like, fuck off. They don't even give you the free reads, I feel like. New York Times will give you 10 free reads. I signed up after I kept clicking those. I was like, I Come sign up. Like, fuck off. They don't even give you the free reads, I feel like. New York Times will give you 10 free reads. I signed up after I kept clicking those. I was like, I better sign up. Washington Post, I feel like, click number one. They're like, do you want to read this? Do you want to pay or not?

Yeah. I'm not paying. Yeah. I mean, I support paying for journalism, but I feel like they should give us a taste. We should get a little taste. It's tough to trust journalism these days. It's tough to trust, like, how fucking weird are your articles going to be? That's true.

Journalism's tough. Watching news has become, man, I remember when it started to skew to personality and taste. Yeah. Now it's, like, off the rails. It is off the rails. That's where the money is. I know. But it's, like, you're totally just going with who,

like you're going to watch, you can select what do I feel like leaning towards, and then you watch that. Tucker Carlson or, you know. Yeah, yeah, Rachel Maddow. Yeah, there he is. Look at that picture. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy?

Yes. He looks nothing like that now. Yeah. That's what $105 billion will do. He's just sitting there with that Amazon.com banner. I hope that's still hanging somewhere in his house. Yeah, he probably shoots loads on that thing. What do you think?

Oh, my God. Yeah. Crazy that he started out. I remember Amazon being a book thing. Yeah. I remember being a place to buy books. I remember thinking, how weird. Like an online bookstore.

Why wouldn't you just go to the bookstore store where you could see the book? Right. And all those bookstores shut. Like they closed. He killed all of them. Yeah. There's only a few left. Well, I know a guy who got a deal with Amazon.com to publish a book.

It was when Amazon started publishing books. And they blackballed him because of this, because he had had traditional outlet deals before. And his books would be front and center in Barnes & Noble and all these other different places. He's a pretty popular author. But as soon as he went to Amazon.com, they're like, fuck you. And they just shut him out. They shut him out of all those stores. Yeah.

And I was like, whoa. There's like a weird book war going on that I didn't know about. I mean, those book people were trying to keep their business model going and thriving, you know? Yeah, but doing it by threats is never the way to go. Probably not, no. I mean, the best way to go is when Amazon publishes a book that people actually want to buy in your store you dumb fuck sure in your store you know I hate about these super rich guys they'll never they never in their interviews talk have like the only one who will talk like what it's like to

ball at that level and make it sound fun and like the things you want to ask is Mark Cuban I've seen him in interviews be like, ah, yeah, I got a lot of shit. And knows that that's a genuine curiosity for people. Like, how fun is that? You have two 747s. He's like, yeah, man, that's pretty cool, right? And he talks about it. But I saw this interview with Gates,

and this guy was asking all those questions. He was like, do you have to worry about when somebody asks you, like when you ask for something that someone's going to try to ask for more because of your known wealth he's like you know my charity really is a just like dodging all those questions yeah of like the fun shit that everyone was right he just kept going back to his charity we're like we know you're a fucking charitable guy tell us what it's like to own six planes bro like what kind of shit do you have he's like this Xanad us what it's like to own six planes bro like what kind of

shit do you have he's like this Xanadu house it's like 70,000 square feet or something well he's got a house I think it's on Puget Sound it's somewhere in the Seattle area yeah I think it's Medina Medina or Medina says that what it is I think it's what it's called but it's so freaky look at that looks like you're using an ad blocker. What did you pull up? 19 crazy facts about his house. Oh, okay.

$123 million. Disable your ad blocker so we can read it. Oh, my gosh. So we were in Seattle, and there's this thing that's near a bridge where you go under this bridge, and they have these clear walls where you can see the salmon swimming up the salmon ladders. They have everything set up with these clear glass walls, and you can watch it.

It's really pretty badass. Yeah. But the guy who was there, who was the guide of this thing, who was explaining to us how this works and which kind of salmon you're looking at and the whole deal, he was like, you know, my uncle worked on the bill gates house he starts talking about bill gates house where bill gates house is and where he lives and i remember thinking like how weird must it be if you're so rich that all everybody wants to do is talk about like hey my friend

worked on your house yeah his house and i was like well what's it like and he just starts describing his skills well he has like some sort of a submarine access in case he's getting kidnapped like someone's trying to jack him they can get in a submarine and shoot out into the river I'm like what yeah I don't know even how much of that is even true cuz this guy seemed like yeah he was missing a little piece of his brain yeah start really adding stuff to thinking I was like how much of this was thinking. I was like, how much of this is urban myth? I know that they were reporting even, like, I don't know, when that house was built 10, 15, whatever years ago,

that even back then there was shit in his house because it was super high tech of, like, if you walked in a room, music would play. And as you left the room, music would die down and pick up in the next room. So, you know, it had, like, which I think you could probably, a regular person could probably do something like that now. As you left the room, music would die down and pick up in the next room. I think a regular person could probably do something like that now, but that was unheard of.

Yeah, I think you wore a pin. You put a pin on, and that pin, as you walked into different rooms, recognized that you were the person. So you had specific colors that you liked, so there'd be backlighting that was just like to be his kids like he's big on he's the one that started that giving pledge which is like for billionaires to give the overwhelming majority of their wealth right to charity so that you don't pass on billions to your children right you like so his thing is like I'm gonna leave my

kids money, but not like crazy money. Crazy money. It's not money. But you're like, yeah, I totally get the idea behind that. But also, if you grew up with his kid and you're like, oh, we got lions this year or whatever. And then you grow up and you're like, I'm a, whatever, a photographer

now. My dad left me $5 million, but like. $5 million is great. It's great. But my thing is like, it's such a step down from what they're used to. I don't feel even remotely bad for some fucking kid who gets $5 million from his dad. I don't feel bad. What I'm saying is that that adjustment has to kick you in the balls.

The exposure that they've had, the lifestyle is like, it's unfathomable to us. We can't even... It's beyond... It's like being a prince. It's like your dad's the Sultan of Brunei and then he's like, well, go fuck him. I mean, they're probably well adjusted.

I don't know why I assume that, but I think that he and his wife seem like such reasonable people that I bet they've, you know, prepared them for what's coming. Well, they've got to figure out a way to make it on their own. And how do you get a kid to do that? That's tough, right? You know? How do you get a kid to do that who's growing up like that? Right.

Yeah. Do you think about that with your kid, like, as you're starting to ball out of control yeah i think about it for sure like um how do you and then like how to not um you know you want to prepare your kid for that and like how does how will a boy i don't know maybe especially uh boys align with their dads usually in a certain way you know like well the kid compares himself to you and your success but you don't want him to feel like, you know, he's less than. Right, in your shadow. Sure, yeah.

Especially, what if he goes into comedy? Oh my God, oof. Have you thought about it, if your daughters were to go into comedy? My seven year old's hilarious. She's really funny. Does she ever like, I'm sure she's like, does she, she's. She doesn't know what the fuck comedy is no

She just knows how to be silly. She's seen you on the house on the TV doing it. Not really No, she flipped through Netflix and makes fun of me really. Yeah Nice jeans dad. No she starts mocking me really yeah, she's just Ruthlessly funny. She just goes after it seven-year-old is the younger? Yeah. Yeah. She goes after it all the time. Damn, sorry, seven? Going after jokes.

That's hilarious. Yeah. She's really funny. But I see her becoming like a YouTube character or something. Well, what do you think about as far as them not feeling overwhelmed by your success or status? Do you ever think about? I think it's less likely because they're girls, you know, but I was actually having a conversation with Neil Brennan about this last night

where we were talking about another famous guy. I don't know him that well, so I won't use his name, but he has two sons and at least one daughter. The daughter's highly motivated. He's not worried about it at all. She kicks ass in school. She's awesome. The the sons are fucking insanely lazy and they just sit around they know that when they turn 26 they get a giant check yeah and they're 25 now and oh boy they don't do shit and he's super worried about it i would be too to do you know yeah that's a that's a

it's like a nightmare man well it's, it's so hard to actually do something if you don't have to. It's so hard to make something happen in your life, right? To start a business, to enter into a career, to become successful at it, to really focus and try to get good to the point where you're successful at something, you have to have a fire inside of you. You have to have a need to achieve. Yeah. And if you already have a Ferrari and you're already living in a mansion, you already have $10 million in the bank.

You already have all your bills paid. You don't have to get up in the morning if you don't want to. The idea of just becoming this disciplined machine that's out there to try to kick ass in this life and be self-actualized, so hard, so hard to pull off. You got to dial back to on the spoiling, I think. I went to high school with the grandson of a billionaire, and they were very present in the area. were very present in like the area you know and you know they drove like used cars the the grandkids I'm saying and had obviously they could have gotten way more but it was like instilling this you're not just gonna coast through everything and they got jobs and as far as I like I know about now what he's

doing now is like he's working you know he's really working even though, even though he's going to inherit like just crazy amounts of money. Right. You know, but I mean, part of it, too, is just the nature of that person. I think you can try to not go crazy with, you know, taking care of gifts and all that stuff. But some of that drive has to come from within, no matter what your socioeconomic level is. Yeah, I would imagine some of it. I think there's people that grow up rich that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. They're just going to succeed.

They love it. They like succeeding. They like working hard. They like getting things done. But then there's, like, what causes a kid to be a lazy fuck? You know, like you come home, the kid's on the couch with their feet up, and they don't. Yeah. Did you do what I asked you to do?

I was going to. Yeah. But something happened. Mike called and fucking. I know people like that. His car's out of gas. Yeah. I think there's something wrong with just.

I mean, I know people like that who you want to shake. Yeah. You know, like, the fuck is wrong with you? But they, I think a lot of times they just, it's almost like they fear doing the thing. Yes. They're scared. They're scared, what if I do something and I suck at it? Yeah.

You know, that kind of thing. There's definitely that. Yeah. There's, well, you see that in a lot of, like, amateur comics that are sort of starting to make it into comedy. Yeah. You see, like, a lot of, like, sabotage. into comedy yeah you see like a lot of like sabotage you know that stress of you're just doing open mic nights and then all of a sudden you're starting to get paid and then some people start moving forward and other people get left behind sure remember those days of course i

remember thinking like man boy there's a lot of people here that are sabotaging themselves oh yeah like you can see the stress of because stand-up in particular is so open-ended. You could make of it what you want. You put in as much as you want. You either can be successful or not depending upon how much you focus on it, how much talent you have, how much drive and discipline you have. And a couple breaks. Yeah, and a couple breaks. It's a bunch of factors.

And sometimes those factors are just too overwhelming to some people. Totally. And you see them just start tanking it. They're at the store every night yeah yeah because it's it's scary that's the truth is that it's scary yeah i remember and people handle it different ways like i remember the people who'd be like they would just say like this is a you know this isn't going to work out like i don't know why we're doing this oh yeah, yeah, those people. Yeah, and I was always like, dude, don't talk to me anymore. I don't want to hear you. Yeah, you're fucking so negative.

But they're doing that just to sort of eliminate that pain of failing. Yeah. You know, they're just trying to, like, just address it now. Eh, come on, we're just normal guys. It's never going to happen. It's never going to happen. You and I will just get a fucking regular job. We'll be working for Amazon or something.

Yeah. And you're like, what? What are you talking about, man? Yeah, there's people who are like, yeah, this doesn't. You can't make any money doing this. I remember that a lot, too. It was like, you can't make any money doing this. And I was like, well, you can't make any money right now.

It doesn't mean you're not going to make money later. And they're like, well, how are you going to get to later? Because there's no money now. I'm like. You know what's almost as weird? Do you remember the development deal years? Were you around during the development deal years? I was at the tail end.

I was at where they were like, ah, two years ago you would have made $600,000 for that set. And you're like, Jesus Christ. I was there for the development deal years, but I kind of was working during most of it. Because during most of it I was doing news radio. When because during most of it I was doing news radio. When it got really hot, I was doing news radio. And I remember that there were comics that would go to Montreal. They would do the comedy festival. They would have these sets, and they would come back,

and they had half-million-dollar deals, and there were sitcoms, and they were convinced that it was all fucking happening for them. Yeah. And I remember I had quite more than one conversation with one of these people that was trying to put me on their show. Comics that have never worked since. Like, you do not hear from them. You should do my show. Yeah, bro.

My show's guaranteed. This is what's going to happen. It's guaranteed to go to air. If it doesn't go to air, there's a million-dollar backup deal. Like, they had all this stuff that they were telling you about. It's guaranteed to go to air. If it doesn't go to air, there's a million dollar backup deal. Like they had all this stuff that they were telling you about. Like they went the opposite way. Instead of like being like terrified

of the future to the point where they were just like letting themselves off the hook. They were super confident in this weird, delusional, it's definitely happening for me thing. It's odd, man. Yeah.

It's odd to subscribe. See, that would always scare me because I'm more, my just more life perspective is like you don't react until like the check clears. Yeah, right. In every scene. I don't go like, this is definitely happening. No, it's always like, wait and see.

Well, those people that, it was interesting because none of them made it. Yeah. None of them. And they were all convinced. But it was a weird convinced it was like have you what yeah like you're not even that good you know that's what I wanted to tell my course you got lucky man you had a pretty you're kind of cute you had a pretty decent set in front of a very willing crowd yeah and someone took a chance on you because people are going there was a nutty

time i guess we should describe it to people there was a nutty time where they were just chucking around development deals like a regular person who probably had no business being on stage could get a hundred thousand dollar development deal yeah we i literally just missed that i think they said that the last big one that they talked about was like oh five they're like that was like one of the last big six-figure development deals which is basically go to Montreal you know which is the just for laughs big festival all the executives go they all basically party for a week yeah it was like an excuse to do work and then you know they were signing people up with those checks

and we literally I went in the 07 new faces class And they're like ah two years ago someone guy got eight hundred fifty thousand dollars for his 15 minutes at 850 it's like one of the big the last big ones that Failed like they they had a record there was like a tallying of like This person this person this person this person all got them and nothing came of it and then they like went all in in 05 on a couple other people and then that didn't pan out some so they're like just fuck these development deals man now it's done no never it never happens now you know you never hear about them no i got one in 93 i got a development deal in 93. Wow. Yeah. From the festival? I got one of the first ones.

No, before the festival. Wow. Yeah, I went to the festival with a deal. That's crazy. Yeah, I had a deal with Disney. Yeah, now they, that shit never happens. It was the weirdest thing in the world because I went from being fucking broke. Yeah.

Like, you know, oh, I'm making $300 this weekend if I go to this place and do a set on Friday night. Yeah. And then, you know. You got six figures. Yeah. Did you think, were you like, this is crazy right now? I think I got $100 the first time, and then there was a second part of it where I got

$50. It was just like, what? Yeah. I was eating lobster every night. Didn't you say that? He thought I had a gambling problem so funny it's like nope just like like a king Yeah, and he was like, how are you spending so much money? I was like, I'm just spending money like this is how I'm gonna live from now on. Yeah He's like that is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. Why I

Was right. Yeah, cuz I was right. Yeah, you're right It just took a chance. Yeah, that's so cool. It could have turned out terribly wrong. But the thing that was weird about it that was the most incredible thing was that once I started working and once the check came in and I didn't have to think about my bills anymore. There was a physical feeling of relief, like a physical feeling of relief. Yeah. To go from being broke and have no idea how you're going to pay your bills

and just trying to hustle up a $100 set or a $75 set somewhere, to go from that to just not having to worry about money. Yeah. Instantaneously. Instantaneously. Instantaneously. After taxes, having X amount of dollars in the bank and just going, what? That's in the bank?

Yeah. That's crazy. I know. But then the feeling, like a lightness of being, like I felt physically lighter. It's so much of your, like it consumes you for so much of your life. It's like, and there's this bill and then there's that bill.

It's like it's on your mind all the time. Yeah. You know, like, oh, shit. I know I got these weeks of work lined up, but like then that other thing's going to come up. So I better, I need to call it because it's all you think about. But I think it goes the other way, too. I think that when you get to like this Jeff Bezos level, I think then all of a sudden it's a burden. that when you get to this Jeff Bezos level,

I think then all of a sudden it's a burden because I feel like the lightness, the lightness is like Brian Callen had a saying once, and I've repeated it a bunch of times because I think he nailed it. He said, you want to get rich enough so that you don't have to worry about your bills and you don't have to worry about how much things cost when you go to eat at a restaurant.

That's great. Because everything else after that is bullshit. That's true. It's true. Yeah. Yeah. All's great. Because everything else after that is bullshit. That's true. It's true. Yeah. Yeah, all that other stuff like acquiring stuff and fucking jewelry

and shit like that. What are you doing with all that? No, you're right. And it's like, there's that thing too when you have enough money to go to restaurants

and sometimes you'll go to a restaurant and they're like, and the special is this cut of meat and there's a lobster on the side. And it's $69.95. And you're like, not a problem.

I always feel like it's weird when they tell you the price. I know. You're like, what are you, fricking going to embarrass me here at the table? I'm good. But it's an odd thing. Like sometimes they tell you the price and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just tell you the special. We have a of lamb that sounds good nice restaurants a lot of times there's multiple items it just says market price yeah that's a weird one and you can just be like

i want that and they're like you said so and then they just bring it to you and they're like that's 400. like what yeah what kind of market is this this crazy. But don't you think that if you get to the point where you're worth $105 billion, just to focus on you alone. It's a lot, yeah. It must be overwhelming. It must be overwhelming. And also, it's like to the Bill Gates thing, it's like it is the thing that everybody probably wants to ask you to talk about. Oh, yeah. It's like everyone knows you have a 15-inch dick,

and they're like, let me see it, man. Just let me see it. Can I touch it? Can I see it? Do you have photos? It tastes like a regular dick? Like it's limp and it's 15 inches? It's crazy.

It's like knowing that about someone. It's all everyone. So, yeah, I think that energy you feel, that everyone's like, you're super rich. Yeah. Because we're all fascinated, especially in this country, with accumulating wealth. I's like i feel like it's i feel like it's heightened here yeah for sure well i mean think about how much of the culture is about balling yeah you know i mean

it's all about young entertainment culture is all about showing diamonds and stepping out of i saw i saw this dude i don't know his name. They showed him getting jewelry that he bought. And you saw that? And it has an emblem with a 69, and it spins. And he's got, like, diamond teeth. And then he had, like, 200 grand in his waistband. He just took it out and was like, ah, ah, stacking the money. It's just like it's a fascination with, like, look how much shit I have

and all the shit I can buy. Like, that's part of the culture now. It's been going on for a long time. It has been. It's coming up from poverty. That's what it is. Right. It's the idea is that these guys were all like super poor and then they made it.

And here, this is what happens when you make it. It's kind of, you know what? It's kind of also, uh, we see that in like hip hop a lot here, but it's also what you saw with a major drug traffickers they all come from extreme poverty all of them uh el chapo pablo escobar super super super poor and they accumulate in crazy amounts of wealth and then they're like look at all my shit yeah you know it's like you you see this like the parallel it's the same thing yeah like when Pablo Escobar oh my god when he had hippos and shit mm-hmm yeah like fucking zoo yeah yeah he had when he built his prison you

know he was a little serve time but I'm building it and there was soccer fields and then he would fly in national players like play soccer with me today yeah okay and even after all that he was like man I want to speak yeah I'm gonna get out here I'm leaving yeah. He built his own prison. What? Columbia. And they had parties. Joey Diaz got me on this show because I watched Narcos, which is a great Netflix series.

And then there's another series called Surviving Escobar. And it follows, Escobar had a right-hand man his right-hand hitman killed like 300 people for him named John Heidel Velazquez Vasquez and it follows him from like the day they got Escobar and this guy turned himself in and it shows him in prison and how he just ended up starting another cartel from within prison. It's a fascinating series. Yeah. That's it.

And this is a new Netflix special? I think what happened was that I feel like it was a, it seems like it was a Colombian series that they acquired, is what it seems like. I'm not sure. But it's really good. I mean, it's all in Spanish with subtitles, but it's, that's the real guy in that picture right there. Is that guy still alive? Yeah.

His nickname is Popeye. And he, yeah, he fucking murdered so many people. And they had such a dedication to their bosses. That's one of the things. They followed them like religious leaders, you know? Like if he's in an interview Popeye this guy saying if Pablo Escobar had told me to kill my dad I would have done it whoa like I wouldn't have hesitated either like they have such devotion to the boss it's

really sad was a dick maybe what my dad was a big asshole So of course I'd kill him There's that movie that's coming out now About The lady from Cocaine Cowboys Griselda Blanco With Jennifer Lopez No it's Catherine Zeta-Jones And she actually made her not as hot

Really? She's like 80 now She's 150 years old. She weighs 650 like Bert. Yeah. You know, we took pictures, a picture before we went to the game together, posed together. Right. I have a t-shirt on.

Bert has like a hoodie like this with pockets and then a jersey over it so it just looks so much everybody everybody was like Jesus Christ Bert did you put on 400 pounds because he has like six layers on right photo it was all they were all you look pretty slim there though good slim Ari got fat for a while did he yeah? Yeah, yeah. Already gone into serious candy addiction quite a bit, which is fucking terrible for you. That sugar fat, just getting fat from nothing but sugar. Yeah.

But he just decided to lose the weight. Yeah, he looked good. He looked good. That was a long time ago, though. But the way he did it was pretty interesting. Just said, eh, I don't want to be fat anymore. That's a good way to do it. Didn't join Weight Watchers, didn't do anything. He has a body that responds to that pretty well, eh, I don't want to be fat anymore. That's a good way to do it. Didn't join Weight Watchers, didn't do anything. He has a body that responds to that pretty well, too, though. You know?

Like, I feel like there's definitely different body types, and he's the kind that could probably make a slight adjustment and see things sway. Well, I guarantee with Burt, it's booze. If Burt just cut off the booze, I mean, he would lose a massive amount of weight. He goes so hard. He goes so hard. He goes so hard. It's bizarre. Yeah.

No, he goes hard, man. To the point where I was really stunned that he made it through Sober October. I was stunned. I think he really responds to challenges. He likes the challenge. We always joke how he speaks in hyperbole, and he's always just like yeah if you go like I bet you can do I could definitely do that it's always immediate yeah it's without consideration of it he's like I could definitely fucking do that yeah now Ari said when we were

hanging this weekend he cuz birds like I'm definitely doing definitely doing the LA Marathon and I think it's in April mm and ari's like if you do that i will show up in roller skates i will fucking kill you and and bert's like there's no way there's just no way and we were like what are you talking about like you can casually roller skate a five minute mile yeah casually not even yeah no sweating no he's like but after after 10 10 miles, your feet will hurt. So just push through it. Why do you think you can push through something and somebody else can't? Well, just fucking push through it.

We'll beat you. I was like, I'll go take a nap and get back and then still beat you. He's like, no, I'll definitely beat you. Well, he ran a half marathon. He did, and he did surprisingly well. I didn't think he would do that. How long did it take him to run a half marathon? I want to say it was like in the 240, something like that, right?

Something like that. Maybe 235, 245, something like that. So is that a clean split? Like can you say, oh, that means you would do a five-hour marathon? Not necessarily, no. You'd be slower. You'd be tired. Yeah.

That second half. And everyone that I've talked to said, especially that last stretch, like those last five miles, are supposed to be the most taxing. Yeah, meanwhile, my friend Cam Haynes is running a marathon a day. It's really, really crazy. Really crazy what he does.

Fucking psychopath. I know, and you watch him. I pull up his Instagram, and I'm like, he's just fucking positive, man. Just do it. He's getting up every morning before work. He has a regular job. He's running fucking miles and miles at 6 in the morning.

And I heard him say the only thing that made him seem human was him talking about there was a time when he said it was hard to run a mile or something. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I remember when it was hard to run a mile. I'm like, seriously? You had trouble running a mile? Yeah, when he first started running like everybody else running's a weird thing man they've been doing it a lot more yeah but when i do it now too it's i'm kind of amazed i think back at like where it used to be difficult

and it's not difficult there anymore i'm like well how come it's not it's almost like your brain's like well what happened like what changed yeah how come i can just run up this section now and now and hustle through here and push around this corner and get up to that ridge and go over the top and then to the next top? And that's where I stop now. Yeah. Like why did I get so much further? Yeah. Your body doesn't – it's almost like your brain doesn't want to believe that your body can get in better shape. Right.

Like you know you can. You know, like when I work out and have worked out for a long time and i'm i'm fit and i'll do like rounds in the bag or something like that i'll know i'm not getting as tired as i used to be but i don't want to believe it right that is weird why your body's like your brain is it's like trying to keep you from progressing in a way i don't know it's like your brain has memories of the times where you were getting tired doing stuff that you're not getting tired anymore. You're confused. What's happening here? I hired a trainer, and part of our workouts has been bike sprints, like stationary bike sprints.

Fuck, man. Do you get an airdyne sprint, or do you do just like a regular bike sprint? I mean, it's a stationary bike, right? So I don't know what type of bike it is, but's like it'll be like a max out 30 second sprint and recovery I've never felt as close to dying really how it's like I mean especially on like the third sprint It's like you know lungs heart quads are It's just like yeah, I have a whole new respect just for cyclists just doing those fucking stupid sprints

I do it's just it's so taxing you know it's just where'd you get this guy? I Found him just searching and I met him and then started doing work He's just been giving me like a one-on-one, and I've been doing Just mixing it up so like we'll have like strength days where it's like power days you know like higher weight lower reps and then you'll throw in core stuff and then we'll do high rep days I like the mixing it up I get bored you know and of course it's been fun to like work out with somebody who I mean knows his shit and has been like super challenging what's his name you wanna

know his name just give me his first name. There's two dudes. Two different guys? Two different guys. You go to two different guys. You got two trainers. I got three, actually. Hashtag ballin'. That's what I'm talking about.

How are your kids going to relate to you? Man, they can't, man. Daddy had three trainers. Dad's on TV. Of course Daddy's got a six-pack. He had three trainers. I got Micah, Sean, and Kelly. So how do you mix it up?

Why do you go to three different people? Because you can, bitch. Yeah, just to make it challenging and different. Yeah, do you mix it up? Why do you go to three different people? Because you can, bitch. Yeah, just to make it challenging and different. Yeah. Just to do different shit. Really, that's the truth. Really? Yeah. Just to do different shit. Because I know that I'm going to get something different out of them on different

days. And how many times a week are you working out now? If you've got three different trainers, you must be hitting them at least once a week, each guy. I'm doing like three or four days a week. Tommy Bunz getting in shape. I'm super strong, man. I don't know why, but it just happens. Probably because you're famous.

Yeah, probably. Do you recognize me? Do you guys want a picture? Do you guys want a picture? Do you guys want a picture? Do you guys want a picture? Let's take our shirts off. Some girl goes, oh, my friend that works here at this bar

is a big fan of yours to Burt will you sign the back of this to her he was like how about a video and then she goes okay takes his shirt off in a black cigar bar in Atlanta okay and like everybody yes and then he takes the camera and he goes like up his stomach but of course she was like that's fucking awesome of course she lost her mind of course and if you were the girl this is him and oh yeah I saw this like what Like, what happened here? Dude, he just, he's, we're buying booze. But everybody was dancing. Oh, yeah. It wasn't just him.

He got the vibe going, man. I'm telling you, that's his natural element. He's also about 19 drinks in. 19? Doubles. Yeah. Boy, he looks hammered. Yeah.

I mean, that whole store was dancing with him. Doubles. Yeah. Boy, he looks hammered. Yeah. Where's Ari Sevier? I mean, that whole store was dancing with him. It really was. People walked in and knew him. Ari's drunk, too. Look. Yeah. Look at Ari dancing.

He dances like the whitest fish fan ever. That's so true. It's like jumping up and down with his legs together. These guys knew him. Yeah. He was in heaven, man. Boy, what a weird life that Bert Kreischer lives. He really is the party guy.

Oh, yeah. He's the machine. I think for a while I was like, that's your act. Like, I'm your friend, but that's your act. And then I hung out enough hanging out, you're like, that's really who you are, man. You're really the party guy. He enjoys it.

Yeah. But it's so rough on your body. I don't know. He pushes through, man. It's amazing. He gets up the next day and was like, I'm really feeling it. But you're like, you don't notice. Right. You know?

You know what I did when we went out to breakfast on, what was it, Monday? I think it was Monday. Yeah. We went to breakfast the day of the game and uh my friend justin lives in atlanta comes over picks us up and he's like oh bird's like i'm feeling it this morning we sit down at this breakfast place coffees and we order breakfast and he orders eggs and like eggs and toast and bacon or something. And then he's like, all right. And then as the waitress walks by, I go, oh, oh, oh, could you send him a waffle also? Like in front of him, you know?

And he's like, what? And I go, you like waffles. And he's like, yeah, that's true. She's like this massive waffle. He's like, this was a really good decision. Thanks, man. Totally tearing it up. Scarfing. Yeah. Yeah. I know this was a really good decision. Thanks, man. Totally tearing it up. Scarfing. Yeah.

I know he wants to do another challenge. He was talking about doing something. He keeps bringing things up and he makes these videos. Ari threw one at us. Yeah? Yeah. Which I think actually would probably, again, it's something that would benefit him the most, but other people would get benefits from it too, was to go phone-free,, social media free for a month.

Oh, that's Ari. Ari does that all the time. That's not fair. Ari does it all the time. That's like me asking you guys to do jujitsu. Yeah, no. But I think I respected the challenge in terms of like, yeah, I do look at that shit too much. Right.

You know. Yeah. It takes too much of your focus away, which like Ari talked about. And then, of course, bro was like, easy. I'm like, it's not easy for Right. You know. Yeah. It takes too much of your focus away which like Ari talked about and then of course bro was like easy. I'm like it's not easy

for you. You're on it. He brings his charger with him when we went out. I was like why? He's like in case my battery runs out. I'm like you have 70%.

How are we going to run out? He uses it a lot. He's always on it. So I was like that's actually a good challenge for you because you are consumed with it.

But he was like I don't know he was pretty hesitant to accept for you because you are consumed with it. But he was like, I don't know. He was pretty hesitant to accept that. The problem with that is it's a it's a tool for work. That's the point. But Ari's thing was like, well, you could have your assistant, the guy that helps produce your podcast. You could send him things and be like, hey, you got to post these things. You could post these promotions for my shows and blah, blah, blah. But you can't be on there consumed by likes and consumed by comments and that whole thing.

I don't know. It was just, it was. It's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea. It's not a bad challenge. Good luck with it. I'm out. Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I think the physical stuff is really, really interesting. Yeah. The physical stuff is the most interesting. Even for me me a guy who does yoga on a regular basis doing 15 of them in a month was like wow i got a lot to make up well it would be another good one i don't know but let me tell you something that last nine days i did nine days straight you know of yoga and uh it wasn't the last nine days i had plenty of time

to go but i just decided to burn it all out in one shot I was like I'm learning a lot about myself like I've never done anything that's that hard 90-minute hot yoga classes nine days in a row with no days off if you just don't give yourself a day off your body starts to adapt to not having a day off you can accomplish way more than you think you can yeah that's what that shit taught me you ever have like those I remember being on the road once and having a deadline for a writing packet it was some type of submission or they were like i was getting paid like well you got to send it in by this by like tomorrow yeah and i i was doing so much writing in the hotel room and that when i submitted it and everything was fine i was like

man i could get a lot of work done in these hotel rooms. But I needed that experience to tell me that. Yeah. Because all the time I'm like, I'm just sitting around in these fucking hotel rooms. Right. You're just watching TV, flipping through the channels. Yeah, not doing shit. Watching those fucking pawn shop shows. Yeah.

And you're like, I just wrote fucking 20 pages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you just make yourself do it or you have, like for me, I have, well, I don't have to, but one thing that does help is when I have a schedule of shit that I wrote down. Like I have to work on my act for an hour a day for five days. You put that in there.

Yeah. And I think that's really reasonable. I give myself five hours of writing a week. That's totally reasonable. I have to. It's light. It's light work. I've been working on it more since I know my special.

My special comes out tomorrow. Oh, shit, Tommy Buns. Oh, shit. Netflix special number three in the pipe, bitch. Yeah, dog. Yeah, I'm excited. Hot and fresh coming out the oven. I'm excited for it, but I also have that new special anxiety.

Of course. Where you're like, oh, it's back to square one. But that's where the material comes from, right? Totally. Yeah, of course. And I actually, I personally, I don't know if everyone works this way. I definitely work better when it's 100% out. In other words, not like the month,

like you know it's coming out in two months. When it's actually out, I feel the fear and the drive more. I create more. Yeah. When I know it's all, it's gone now. Yeah. It really fuels me.

Me too. Yeah. Same thing, but it's the scariest fucking thing in the world for your act. It's terrifying. Yeah. Not the scariest thing in the world. It's scary because you're you're so terrified of being up on stage with what i what i call without weapons yeah nothing yeah so you have to like really focus

on getting that shit done yeah and then i find myself going to the store with notebooks i'm going over the shit before same thing you just really tightened in yeah I'm doing a couple spots tonight mmm like yeah I have like all new shit you know one hour yeah you know I mean you literally have like one day yeah and then in one day yeah better have all new shit tonight you can go up and just whip out some polished smooth fucking sharpened weapons well I actually thought about it and it's like, you know, I have been for the last especially month or so really focused on the new stuff.

And I go, so tonight's the last night. Do I feel like doing, like, well, do I want to say that thing one last time? And I was looking over, like, the bits, and I was like, not really. I think I'm done, you know? Yeah. So I'm trying to focus on just all new now well it's we're being forced into this position yeah in for a good thing because you have fans because the fans want to hear new stuff and it just makes me think about

that i always used to pity those old guys back in boston that never wrote yeah that they had that same hour that they would do for a decade. That's just so nuts to me. It's crazy to think about now. Because back then, there was no social media, and none of these guys got on television. So if you didn't go to see them live, you did not know their material. Yeah. Yeah.

That's really wild. It's crazy to think that that was the norm, and that guys would polish an act together and put it together, and then they would would just work and they would never write. They would fucking never write. I feel like the norm now, without question, I feel like it was kind of debated for a little bit, is definitely when a special comes out, like that shit is gone. Yeah. I feel like that's accepted now that like you're done with that. Totally. Well, I had a conversation with someone at the store a year ago because

she did a special and then after the special she was still doing the same material I go what are you doing I go she goes well I don't think most of the people seen I go whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa I go I guarantee you if they're coming to see you they're paying to see you they've seen your work yeah like if she's like why I'm in new material well why the fuck are you touring yeah like you can't be touring No With the same exact act

You can't That was on Comedy Central Just six months ago You can't No Yeah No Especially

People are paying You know It is weird In that you will I ran into it A bunch of times But it's definitely The minority

Which is the person Who's like Why didn't you do that one bit Right And you're like Because you know it go watch that on netflix yeah yeah i think i i don't know i told you but i did one people were asking me to do some bits uh when i was touring i think it was not 2017 2016. they were like do are you gonna do this bit in that bit so i just doing one show at a club i was like I'm gonna try this this thing out this encore thing so I did my I did my new show and then I said some people asked me to do some

bits that you know or whatever I forgot I got into it so and I got this huge round of applause and then I would be I would start it and there would be like a big big applause I would go through the bit to complete silence like they would just watch me do the bit they know and then when I would end it another round of applause I was like that's horrible like that was the worst feeling ever and the reason because there's no laughs because there was no surprise like they're like yeah of course they knew the whole thing yeah I did like the next bit i was like you might you know whatever know this one and it's the same thing like oh yeah we do know this one and then i go through it and they were like yeah i know that's the worst that was horrible that was my one attempt at doing that you know

yeah i don't even know how to do them yeah no it was and and then that people were like i was like i forget the next line they're like it's this like people knew you knew the bit better than I did yes somebody asked me something about the the bit about people breaking into the White House about a woman who was guarding the front door of the White House but yeah that's on your last yeah and I had to go back and watch it again. I was like, oh, I forgot all this. I literally forgot how it worked. I forgot all the different beats. And in a day, it's not going to come together well.

No. It's going to be terrible. I did a private event in Vegas for these rich guys. And I flew in, and I was talking to them five hours before the show. And I was like, just so you i'm i'm doing my current show and they're like oh we were hoping you'd do this this this and this though and i was like all right so i went up to my hotel room pulled up netflix and started watching and making notes and then i downloaded the album so i could listen to it and i would walk around and I was like

and I was like forgetting the thing that you think is a throwaway is actually like a connector to the thing and you're like fuck and I was doing like half-assed versions of it

at the show. Wow. And they were still like on board with it but I was like that's not how that goes. I knew I was fucking it up. How many specials

do you have out now? You have Thrilled which was a CD. Well, that's a CD. And then White Girls. White Girls. Is a CD. CD. So two hours there.

Yeah, completely normal. Completely normal. Which is a special. Mostly stories. A special. And Disgraceful comes out tomorrow. So five hours of recorded shit. Yeah.

Stop and imagine that. Five hours of recorded shit. Yeah. Like, stop and imagine that if you had to, like, do your whole catalog, like a Bruce Springsteen concert. Yeah. You know? I mean, the thing about, like, a Bruce Springsteen or any of those guys is that on any given night, you could bring back that one and really get it sharp again for, like, five nights. Yeah.

And then kind of drop it and then do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But, like, we go, like, that's old. I don't do that. Yeah. And it just goes further it and then do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But we go like, that's old. I don't do that. Yeah. And it just goes further and further away from your mind. But they have to.

Like, if you go to see Bruce Springsteen and he doesn't play Born to Run. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck kind of piece of shit show is this? I wonder. I wonder because I feel like the... Then again, though, he's famous for doing like four hour shows. Yeah. So maybe he never does skip it because how fucks that guy have so much

energy I know me he's on those Trump diet pills he's gotta be he definitely looks tired in every photo of course and I married he's married he's doing four hours down he's always like just doesn't know like should I just bail on all this God God incredible this is the the inside story about Bruce Springsteen and I was like, should I just bail on all this? God. God. Incredible. The inside story about Bruce Springsteen and his concerts is always that people get bummed out when his wife is there. They like Bruce without his wife there better than they like Bruce with his wife there. Like a friend of mine. Like his energy changes? Yeah, yeah.

Her friend is a crazy Bruce Springsteen fan. She goes to like tons and tons of concerts. She sees him every year. Like multiple times a year all over the country. That's so crazy. And the people that are like super hardcore say there's a different energy that he has. Wow. Like, oh, the wife's sick.

The wife's sick. Is she sick? She's not here? Yes! Oh my God. Like they get fucking pumped when the wife's not there. That's hilarious. And he sings with his wife.

Right. His wife's a part of the band. Right. She does what? The tambourine or something? Yeah, that's important. None of this shit works without that tambourine. Without that tambourine.

This fucking show's bunk. Yeah. I don't know, man. I can't imagine touring and working with your wife all the time. My wife and I, we always talk about how it's really unique we can do our podcast together and we have fun doing it. But she leads this. It's not like a guy.

I think when someone will be like, hey, do you guys ever tour together? And she's like, that's gay as fuck. She's like, I don't know. We're two different people. We do our own show. No. It's not going to happen. Well, you guys are in a rare situation, too, where you're both really good. We're we're two different people we do our own show like no it's like not good Well you guys are in a rare situation to we are both really good

It's usually one of you's really good and the other one is like Yeah, bad. Oh, yeah, she definitely not too bad She's a and she's uh now she's I can't wait man. She's selling tickets. Yeah adding shows and ball Yeah, give me that money. Yeahing. Give me that money. Give me that money. Now you give me money. Now you give me money. You buy me shit. Yeah.

No, I'm excited for her. I think she's one of the best comics in the country. She's awesome, man. She really is. Yeah. Christina Pazitsky. Don't sleep on her. No.

Yeah. I mean, I remember saying that to her one night like four or five years ago at the store. She fucking crushed in the OR. And I came up to her and said, no bullshit bullshit you're one of the best comics alive yeah that set that you just did right now that's one that like it's not just funny but it's insightful she's smart she points out shit that other people aren't pointing out real writer too yeah writes like writes a lot how does she write does she sit in front of the computer? Pen and paper, and then a computer, and then a pen and paper. But yeah, a lot of notes, a lot of writing.

A lot of actual, like you're talking about spending that time working on it. She spends a lot of time. You've got to do it. You know, that's the difference between someone who produces a lot of material and someone who doesn't. Like, I've had these conversations with people before where they're like, oh, I only write on stage. I was like, all right. Yeah. Why?

Is that because it's the only way it works or is it because you're lazy and this is how you justify it? It's probably more that. More that. Yeah, for sure. That I write on stage stuff. It's like, well, I do too. Yeah. I write on stage stuff.

But don't, like, they give it out as, the thing that drives me crazy is I see them giving it out as advice to other young comics. Oh, right. Like, don't write on paper, dude. Just write on stage. Hey, I write on stage, man. That's what I do. Like, okay. Right.

But is that the only way? And is it the best way? And isn't it possible that you're missing stuff? I think what happened was, too, was, like, when Louis got, like, really, really popular, and he was just like, I never write anything down, like really really popular and he was just like I never write anything down that became like folklore and a tent like attractive to comics I feel like oh I gotta do that so he said he never writes anything yeah doesn't write doesn't even write down like bullet points really yeah just all in his head

so then people are like oh you know I think I think I heard I started to hear that more when his fame really exploded, and that was a big thing. I was like, you don't even write shit down? They're like, no. I'm like, okay. Well, I guess if you're doing stand-up every night, three or four nights a week, or three or four times a night,

like you're doing those New York sets, and you're constantly working. It's constantly in your head. You can get away with that i would i guess you could but like i would i always liked having um at least a bullet point list like even at like when i wasn't writing anything long form down i still like to have that oh what can i move like just to see it all yeah like like how the you know how the how the movie plays out and i'm like i should move this over here and this should be over here.

I couldn't imagine not having any of that written down. But I just think that the more time you spend focusing on it, whether it's the more time you spend just writing stuff down or looking at bullet points, just the more intention you put on things, more attention, the more focus. Definitely, man. It's going to be better. You're going're gonna know it better it's like getting good at

anything yeah you know you put a lot of time into it yeah happen for you yeah comedy writing though is one of the weirdest ones because everybody does it a different way yeah you know everybody's got their own weird sort of style and it's no one could tell you exactly how to do like you you could never tell Theo Vaughn how to write a joke right no especially him his act's so odd yeah you know I know and then you're like mispronounce things but like that's like but it's it's like uh disguised so well yeah you know it's like it's a shit like that where you just like how do you come up with that yeah was it an accident

the first time like that that, you know? And then like, I remember Carlin, he would write on no cards. Did he? He'd go on stage with no cards and clubs. And then kind of shuffle through them. And be like, that's shit. And throw it on the ground. And then I saw him in, I saw him one of his last tours,

that Universal Amphitheater. And he, for of his last tours, that Universal Amphitheater, and he, for like his last, because he called them like individual pieces. Like his bits were, it was really heavily about the writing. Yeah. Like the specific wordplay, the flow,

you know, rhythm, patterns. His comedy was very melodic like that. And when it got like, when it was like one of his closing pieces it was Like five pages he brought out the pages and he's like I'm gonna read this because that's how I memorize it He's like I memorized it by doing these shows and reading this so just so you know For this thing I'm gonna look at like he told the six thousand people that Wow and then he would you know better and then flip the page he's how was it it was funny man it was great it was what it was like the second to last special and I remember the like it was a it was a really well constructed piece

of writing is a little threw you off a little bit to have him be reading it yeah but he I would say when he when I saw the show that piece was probably at least half committed to memory and he was still trying to like you know repeat repeat repeat so that it would be in his memory it was still really funny it was still really funny well he was also how old was he 69 70 right I think he died at 70 so did it yeah he looked he looked older because of you know he went hard in the paint old was he? Probably 69, 70. Right? I think he died at 70. Did he? Yeah. He looked older because of, you know, he went hard in the paint too. Yeah, the

drug use. Yeah, but he was 70. Well, he apparently had a pain pill problem for a while. I remember there was a time when he committed himself to rehab and I think it was wine and pills. He was wine and pills.

He was taking pain pills. Those goddamn opiates, man. They get people. They do. They get you. They get you. Yeah. But you got to think that your memory must eventually at some point in time start to give out.

Yeah. And you're doing these long monologues like he would do. Yeah, he'd do long, long monologues. Yeah. long monologues. Oh my God. Yeah. He'd do long, long monologues.

Yeah. He would write out his whole act, like the whole hour and then just start doing it. Mm hmm. Yeah. It's like, it's like a new one every year. It's like reading a,

it's like a book almost. I think he said 16 months was his turnaround. That's what it was? Yeah. Yeah. Every year. He ended up doing 14, I think specials.

That's crazy. crazy yeah what are you up to now you have quite a few like if you combine albums and specials one two Five, six, seven. I'm on my eighth. That's a lot. That's a lot. You're going to catch them. Number eight's coming up? Yeah.

Do you know where you're shooting it yet? Boston. You are doing it in Boston? Yeah. Unless I just change my mind. Oh. Oh, sorry, Boston. Would it be at the Wilbur?

Yeah. I have one other idea in mind that I'm still bouncing around in my head. Do it at my house. I'm thinking about that. Really? Yeah. That'd be great. In your kid's room while he's sleeping. That's awesome, man.

That'd be a hit for sure. What did you think of Chappelle's two specials? I thought it was really interesting to see him do this big polished special in a big place and then do the little special in the belly room. I was like, the belly room felt weird, man. Personally, my take on it is

the second one, the belly room one, we're in the practice of calling that a special, but it's really not a special, in my opinion. What you're seeing is what here at least in definitely in los angeles if you live in san francisco denver new york places he likes to frequent uh what is what you see dave chappelle known for in these cities which is he would drop into clubs and like spill out everything that's on his mind so i mean i don't

know if it's more like semantics but it's like it's not a special to me it's like you're seeing one of the best guys ever do a workout set like do a a loose riff it's only been six seven weeks since the special was shot that is that plays before it right when which he toured for like a year with that you could see how like polished and you know I mean so I think it's really cool if you're a big stand-up nerd to see the other one like that's what happens a lot in those cities that he he'll just fly into and be like yeah here shit that's on my mind right and and that so you're seeing like it's it's it's masterful but I think it's like I don't call I think

of it as separate than a special you know like because a special to me is like you tour you prepare and then like you present it right I mean I know I understand that you'd be like well yeah it, it's a separate thing, it's a special, but I'm saying that within that, there's something really specific going on, which is like, this is like in the moment, almost all topical commentary, and like that's how that dude works. He will walk into a club and be like,

I wanted to get on stage and just talk about it. He loves topical stuff, so it fits perfectly. But it's very different. I mean, you can see the total difference, the contrast, especially if you watch one after the other. Yeah. You're watching toured, proven, worked out stuff. And here's some shit I thought of basically in the last week, right? Right, right, but a whole hour of it, which is really crazy. Yeah, I so prolific

yeah, and The the fact the way it worked is doing the two of them together That way you got to see the big polish special Yeah, you got to see the fuck around workout set. So it's like if you watch the big polish special you're like i need more yeah it's really interesting to see uh i think just to hear people go uh back and forth on which they liked more i thought that was really interesting i've seen a bunch of people at least online all say they like the belly room you know well the belly room was so intimate to be in that room. I was there for one of those shows. It's so interesting to be there when you're watching someone film in front of 70 people. Yeah.

It's so tight and small, you know? You're kind of naked a little bit, you know? Yeah. And the people in the audience were, they were fucking on the show. I mean, the people that got those front seats they were they were featured prominently in that netflix special yeah kind of makes you entertain the idea of like a really small special what that would be like yeah there's there's different kinds of comedy right it's like the comedy that you do for 70 people is just not exactly the same as the comedy that you do for 700 or 7 000 and the way

you present it I mean he was he basically sat for most of that. So that's different. Usually, if you're in a big 2,500 seater, you're not gonna chill, sit on a bench. Unless you're Marc Maron. Marc? I think Marc Maron sits. Or Cosby, old school Cosby.

Yeah. Yeah, he was always sitting. Even as he got old, when Cosby did it. Not just old school Cosby, but old, old Cosby. Yeah, old, old Cosby. You're right. Do you think Cosby will tour again? No.

No, I think that's done. It's over? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Well, I remember when he was touring. There's a lot of promoters. All the allegations. Would not.

I think it's not worth the trouble. Really? I think so. Yeah. I think Louis will tour again. You think so? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Really? I think so. Yeah. I think Louis will tour again. You think so? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I think so, too. Yeah. Yeah, I think he'll take, like, a year off. Yeah. And then he'll do some shows and people get mad. And then it'll be, yeah. And then, like, if, you know, the real thing is, like, the corporate side of it. Like, in other words, channel or network that would want to, let's say, host, show the special.

But he has such a dedicated, no one's website following is like what he ended up developing. He's sold shows and made millions, you know, when people were doing the like download my special thing. I think he could book a venue, shoot something, and go back to his $5 model and do really well. No, I'm sure he could. And people would be really interested to see it. Of course. But I think Netflix would have him on.

They still have his old stuff. Maybe. I watched his old stuff. Yeah. I was on a flight right after all of it went down. I watched the special from DC, which I thought was really interesting to watch it knowing. The DC one? Is that the latest one?

The latest one. Oh, okay. 2017. Uh-huh. But just to know that it was like right around the corner that he was going to get busted. Yeah. Yeah. Beating off in front of people.

It's a weird thing to get caught doing, too. Yeah. It's like out of all the things that people have done that they got caught doing, all the rape accusations and all the horrible shit, like his is the most pathetic and also kind of the most innocuous. Yeah. It's just humiliating, just beating off in front of people. I know. It's like his kink. It's what he likes.

But it could be way worse, you know, like what he actually did. I'm not saying it's a good thing to do to people. No, it's not. Hey, watch me beat off. Yeah. But I know a bunch of people he did it to apparently laughed. Yeah. There's quite a few comics that I've talked to that know people that he did it to.

Yeah, I knew somebody they did it to. Yeah. What'd she think? Not happy. yeah what'd she think not happy um but like you know i don't know man it was like weird i knew it for a long time that story yeah and i mean i said it before i was like i mean i knew it and then like every other person i talked to in comedy knew it. And we were all like, that's fucked up. But also, I mean, this doesn't excuse it at all either, but there is something about

something, at least as you know, something somebody did a while ago. So it's like, what am I supposed to do? Bring this shit up to them? How do you know? But the other thing is, how do you even know that they did it? Because one of the things that happened during the whole, like, did he do it or did he not do it thing before it came out,

was someone had told me that it was bullshit and that what he had done is take some pictures of female comedians with his dick out just being silly and stupid and then tell them, please delete those pictures. We're just having fun. I don't want to get in trouble. I mean, the story I heard was very specific and like, you know, it's basically one of the stories reported in the times. And I was like, I remember hearing that story and the person was not, you know, was pretty upset about it. And then a lot of people heard the story and then, I don't know, you know, another year would go by, and two years, and three years, and you're like, okay, I mean, that's bad, but, like, as far as my role in it, you know,

as somebody who knows the story now, it was just one of those things where you'd be like, yeah, that's a fucked up story, you know? I mean, it's not someone that, like, hey, you know, that guy, he fucking punched someone 15 years ago. He was a real asshole,

and you're like, that sucks, you know? But 15 years ago is a long time, I mean kind of it's like is there is there it's not to like minimize the wrongdoing but like isn't there some part of the conversation about how people mature and become different people as they get older I'm sure a lot of people that are in their 50s and 60s you go like you know who are nots, you go like, you know, who are not celebrities. You'd be like, do you know that when this guy was 26, he did this fucking horrible, stupid thing or something? You're like, Jesus.

But you're like, well, you know, that's a long time ago now. I mean, that was kind of at least that part of the conversation exists in this. It's like it's something really bad. I mean, he's being punished. So that's we're not saying that it's it definitely has not been excused because he's being punished. But it's also old behavior. Yeah. Like that's the Dustin Hoffman thing.

Yeah. You know, Dustin Hoffman, this is where it gets really strange. A lot of his stuff was 30 years ago. Right. It's like 1985 and shit. I think part of the difference, too, between the Hoffman stuff and Louis, and maybe everybody else, is Louis' admission.

Right. That's very different. Because even the stuff I heard with Hoffman, he is like, he's definitely trying to justify versions and the behavior, and that's what people did. Is that what he said?

Oh, yeah. He's like, you know, on the set, you try to get, you know know you have to break the tension or there's there's a monotony to it and so people would have these conversations and say so it's it's like he's trying to it appears he's trying to be less accountable for what he said yeah whereas louis was like these stories are true right so it's i think think all those things end up affecting how your redemption goes because somebody's like, I did this shit. I was wrong. Right.

And I think in this country, people love punishment. Like, are you punished for the thing you did? We hate somebody getting away with something, right? So part of him, I think, coming back will also be that people realize that he paid a price. I mean, he lost deals, he lost shows, lost money. Definitely lost a lot of fucking touring money. That day is probably at least a $50 million day for him, you know, with everything together.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. I mean, what a weird kink. Jerk off in front of people, yeah. I wonder how you develop it. I mean, I guess I can imagine how you develop it. Do you think that you could even do that? Like, I was trying to think, could I even ask, hey, do you mind if I jerk off in front of you?

And then just get hard and actually, like. Well, that's the thing. I imagine he had to be leaking right, like, before that. Like, to come that fast, it had to be something he's thinking about like all day you know and like hanging out and then like hey do you want to hang out like do you want to come back or whatever my kind of come and like so as he's getting closer to doing it i'm sure it's it's it's the only fuel that's on his mind you know so it's like wow it's like to ask me that i'd be like well that's not my kink're like, hey, could you go from fully flaccid to come in front of these people?

I'd be like, I don't think so, man. I don't think I could do that, no. Kinks are fucking weird, man. Kinks are weird. You know, like I had a friend, and him and his girlfriend used to tie each other up. They'd tie each other both up. Ball gags, the whole deal. And he loved it.

He would talk about it with, great glee yeah and I'd be like why do you like tying each other up like what are you doing yeah that's fucking great like it's just something about like trusting that person to put that rope in your mouth and like I wonder how much how many of those kinks develop later, like you realize it later, as opposed to the more common theory that everything's tied to childhood. So that you must have been tied up or something as a kid once, and then you somehow relate that to sex. But I wonder if you can be 28 and be like, man, this tying thing is fucking awesome. I guarantee you can. If you just date one crazy person, like if you have one girl who's just a wild animal in the sack and she just wants to tie you up, you're like, all right, let's do it.

Yeah. And she does it and you love it and it's amazing. And we need answers. Where's Jim Norton when you need him, man? Oh, yeah. He would go deep with this. He gets all sweaty and shit and his eyes start bugging out. Yeah.

He starts blinking. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody embraces their kinks more than him though yeah i fucking admire that so yeah yeah everything whether it's trannies or any anything that he's experienced trans i'd say he says it he says trannies oh he does yeah and he's definitely supports the industry so yeah the industry is that it's weird that you can't say tranny the tranny is somehow or another negative yeah look these are noises that we make and now Chappelle was like that was the thing you know he like brought he got a lot of shit on the old one mm-hmm or the one from a year ago yeah and so he he

brought up the topic again but he's at trans people yeah it's real specific on that part yeah I guess the last one he was like, fucking trans, man. Well, there's certainly a lot of thought policing going on, and there's language policing. Yeah. And we have to wonder, like, how much of that affects the way people actually feel, and how much of it is just people trying to control the way people communicate and and dictating the languages because like when you go to the far end of the spectrum there's these new uh gender pronouns yeah that there's there's literally yeah there's

like 78 of them yeah which i think are utterly preposterous. It's absurd. Absurd. It is absurd. You're make-believing. You have make-believe language. You're inventing all these new words. And it's not like there's some universal agreement going on and everybody. It's not like, remember when Ms. was a thing? Yeah. There was Mrs. and Mr.

But then there was Ms. And Mr. was married or Mr. was not married, and women were like, well, what the fuck? How come we don't have one of those? Yeah. So they came up with Ms., but it never really stuck. No. Nobody uses Ms. No.

It has to be like a real formal writing or something. Would you say Ms.? I guess they would. Never. you know, writing or something. Would you say Ms.? I guess they would. In the writing, they might, you know, might write Ms. if it was like, I don't know,

a piece of journalism or something to indicate the person's single status. I never hear that. Yeah, but you don't hear it spoken a lot. No, but they were trying to push for it for a while. Yeah. And that was something that was like on the borderline of being accepted by

the common vernacular yeah shit it is i also wonder like how many people are just professionally upset at shit that's said wrong you know like they they're just their reaction to everything is like it's like their their job is to police and react. Right. You shouldn't have fucking, no, no, no. That's not okay. It's like almost how academia exists today. You see the way that people are on campuses. It's like fucking, that is not a reflection of the real world. No.

To consider everyone's feelings at all times. Why? That's not how shit works. No. When people get upset and get offended at things that's fine but like that everyone should like dial back everything they say to make sure everyone feels protected that's not how it works what's been really interesting the last five days there's been a battle going on in my twitter mentions that i haven't dived into at all really but yeah but lesbians have been going at it with

transgender people in my Twitter mentions. And this is like long-going conversations. They're going back and forth and remarkably civil. But what's interesting is all these lesbians, one of the things they've been saying, I dive in every now and then and read some of it and go, what the – this is crazy. I've got to get out of here yeah but that lesbians um were trying to say that a lot of the violence that happens in supposed lesbian relationships is actually transgender men to women where they switched over and then they're beating up on their girlfriends and that they're bringing

their masculine toxic violence into the world of lesbianism. And they're not willing to be honest about it. And there's like this crazy debate going on back and forth. This lady was citing statistics of how many... I wonder how accurate that is. I don't know. How many women in... Well, she was a lesbian.

And she was pretty... Not that you're a fucking expert 100% on facts if you're a lesbian. Right. But she was pretty adamant about the statistics. She was a lesbian who had her lesbian stats straight. Well, the other thing she was saying, lesbians like women, and that she doesn't know any lesbians that want to date a transgender woman, someone who used to be a man and is now a woman.

She was like, that's not what we're attracted to. We're attracted to actually women. And is now a woman. She was like, that's not what we're attracted to. We're attracted to actually women. Wouldn't that kind of negate the argument? Because if formerly male transgender women are beating up their lesbian girlfriends, then there are lesbians out there that are dating and attracted to these transgender women. Yeah, that would get it muddy there, right? Yeah, so she's saying we're not into that.

It's like, well, your stats then don't back up your argument because that's clearly what you're indicating. You're saying that these transgender women that were formerly men are dating women and beating them up. I think she was saying people she knows. Oh, so like her friends. So like Elizabeth and Sarah aren't into it, so that's supposed to. But it's like how else could you know?

I mean, you'd have to have like a poll. Of course. Like how many of you gals out there are into eating pussy like eating fake pussy? Yeah. Yeah. That's a wild stat to consider. I never thought of that. Yeah. And there was this going back and forth with lesbians versus transgender

women, and then they started getting... Some people started getting hostile. Like, let's just cut the shit you have a y chromosome you're a fucking man and then it was like whoa and then it's there was a lot of that going on there was a lot of you want us to assume and not just assume we want you want us to just go along with the idea that you absolutely are of the wrong gender and there's no way that you could just be crazy yeah there's no way you could actually have gender dysphoria there's no way you could actually have a mental illness it's impossible and that's

that's one of the weird things about any group right you're going to have a certain amount of people that are mentally insane they're mentally they're going to oh yeah any group any group, right? You're going to have a certain amount of people that are mentally insane. They're mentally – they're going to – any group. Any group. Any group. If you have 1,000 people, there's a certain percentage of those people that are just going to be insane. Yeah. But when it comes to gender, we're supposed to ignore that.

We're never supposed to think like, oh – You're out of your mind. Yeah. No, you're out of your mind. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're definitely a woman mind yeah no you're out of your mind yeah yeah you know you're definitely a woman born in a man's body and dude i tell you i support all the trans rights and

everyone doing all this stuff the only thing that i ever go like that doesn't seem right is with athletics oh yeah that's the only thing where i feel like it's not that i don't feel like someone should be able to play any sport and compete but like when a dude transitions to becoming a woman it's like i play basketball now it's like come on man yeah like i get it you're you you have the right to live your life and play but like you have all those skills that you developed as a man and now you're playing against frailer smaller smaller, you know. Yeah. Like, to say that, like, you can't bring that up,

that that's offensive, is ridiculous to me. Well, especially when it comes to fighting. Fuck yeah, man. That was the big one. And that was where I really understood, like, how bizarre and how cult. The defenses for that? Yeah, how cult-like this ideology is. I'd like to see you transition to a woman and fight women. It'd be a lot of fun.

To have, what, 12 murder charges? That would be the fun part? It doesn't make any sense. No, of course not. The bone structure is so different, and people that deny that are fucking crazy. I know. That is silly, man. It's different.

What if I transition, whatever, anyone, a man, and there's a power lifting? Well, people have done that, and they're winning and breaking all these records. Of course they are. Yeah. And why are we not stopping being like, that doesn't, no, that doesn't count. Because we want to save people's feelings. Exactly. Silly. in the process of being super progressive you you go towards the most

maligned part a section of society which is like transgender people and so everybody else who also has been marginalized by society like women mm-hmm women get put on a they get put in a less protected category than transgender women. Right. So a man becomes a more protected class of woman than a natural-born woman herself. That's very interesting. It's crazy.

That is. It's very true also. Yeah, it's crazy because all these women that got beaten up by that man who became a woman and started fighting in MMA fought two women before ever disclosing the fact that she used to be a man. Because she said it was a medical issue that had nothing to do with them, which just shows you how completely insane the logic behind all this is.

Does she still fight? She hasn't in a while. But now everybody knows. She lost to a woman. She did? Yeah, an actual woman who wound up. Yeah, I said actual. Fuck off.

Yeah. People are like, oh, did you say actual woman? Did you say that? What did you say? But that's wild, right, that a woman beat? She's not good. No, she's not good. Because she's not a good fighter.

No, she's just strong. Yeah. Like, there's nothing. You don't look at her and think, like, oh, she fights like Chris Seiborg. beat she's not good no she's not good she's not a good fighter no she's just strong yeah like there's nothing you don't look at her and think like oh she fights like chris cyborg or she boxes like claressa shields no she's not that unbelievably talented right she's physically way different yeah she's a fucking man yeah she's a man for 30 years yeah had children this was when when i knew it was crazy i got in a conversation with someone went online with this woman was like she's always been a man I go even when she got another woman pregnant and had children

with her and she was yes even then she was a woman she was a woman she's a woman that fucked another woman and got her pregnant okay what just hang up what yeah what are we doing I Like, this is so crazy. You got to tap out of those conversations. Like, even Bruce Jenner, when he transitioned to Caitlyn Jenner and then eventually got his surgery, right, or her surgery, become, she said, even before the surgery, though, it didn't change anything. I was always 100% a woman. Okay? Then why get surgery?

Well, because you're thinking that gender is just with genitalia that's your mistake you personally and that's that's what is it it's it's gender's not just genitals it's in your mind right so so it's also a facial reconstruction you just said something fucking stupid and i just let you know how dumb that was. So what is the difference? Someone said that there's gender and then there's biological sex and that gender is the

operating system and biological sex is the hardware. 100% agree. Yeah. Makes sense. Outrage over transgender female weightlifter who destroyed her rivals by hoisting 19 kilograms more than the runner-up. Now she's a contender for the Commonwealth Games. Yeah.

Guess what? Oh, my God. Look at the size of her. What the fuck? Laurel. She's a goddamn gorilla. Made her international weightlifting debut in Melbourne on Sunday. It's about 40 pounds more than the second place person.

Yeah. What in the fucking holy hell? Oh, my God. Look at the size of her. Fuck. Yeah, and imagine if you're a biological woman who's been training and working hard all her life. Yeah. And then all of a sudden you have to compete with this.

And you're like, I'm first place, bitch. And she's giant. Like, look at the size of her head, her formerly male head. Yeah. That's a giant woman. That's just a way to get medals. Well, it's sandbagging. Yeah.

That's what a lot of it is. That's fucked up, man. That is what a lot of it is. That's not fair. And people don't want to admit that. Yeah. Sandbagging, if you don't know what it means, is like you would get that in martial arts tournaments. Like say you would have a tournament and the tournament would be like for blue belts only, which is like one rank above white belt.

And then guys would be like a black belt in judo and they would enter into the blue belt division and stomp everybody. Right. Because they're like, I don't have a belt in that. Right. But he's sandbagging. Like you know what they're doing. Yeah. And Right. Because they're like, I don't have a belt in that. Right. Yeah. But he's sandbagging. Like, you know what they're doing. Yeah.

And everybody knows what they're doing. You see that shit. And you see, there's a lot of that where people just want to win. And the way they can win is by competing against people that are not on their same level. Sure. If you don't think that people do that when they switch over from being a man for 30 years and then competing as a woman and not tell them and just start smashing these women. That's so obvious. If you don't think there's something in that, then you don't understand athletics.

You don't understand competition. You don't understand sandbaggers. And you don't understand the kind of people that wouldn't tell people about that in the first place. Sure. Yeah. But they don't want to look at it that way. Everything has to go through the filter of being progressive. So you have to err on the side of being the most open-minded, the most liberal, and the most progressive.

Which I'm 100% for if women want to fight a transgender woman. If a woman wants to. I think you should be able to ride bulls. I think you should be able to skydive. I think you should be able to ride bulls I think you should be able to skydive I think you should be able to do fucking bungee jumping I think you should do a lot you should be able to do a lot of ridiculous crazy dangerous shit you should be able to do flips with BMX bikes why shouldn't you be able to fight a man yeah why shouldn't you be able to fight a

transgender woman a woman who used to be a man you should be able to if you're a man you're up for it yeah if you're a woman rather used to be a man. You should be able to. If you're a man and you're a woman and you're 130 pounds, you want to fight 130 pound, 100% man. No transgender, no nothing. If you want to do that, you should be allowed to. I don't advise it. I think it's a terrible idea for you.

You're going to get pummeled. Well, if it's a good fighter, you are. What is this? What's going on here? Bodybuilder. What are you showing me, Jen? Oh, powerlifting. The article says this person can't decide to compete as a man or a woman, and this is what they look like. They can't decide whether to compete as a man or a woman?

That's what he used to look like on the left? Yeah. Fucking A, man. And then, oh, my God, he was super jacked. And now he is on the right, and he's the... But he looks like he's still a man says he hasn't trans transitioned yet both he lives his life as both see this is where you're seeing that there's some of these fucking people have mental illness yeah

there was an episode of radio lab where one guy, who's also a girl, switches back and forth. And under pressure, he changes. Like he's Paul or he's Cindy. And this is what? On what? Radiolab's podcast. But Radiolab is so fucking left wing. And I love them.

They're amazing. But they're so left wing and so progressive that they are unwilling to note and even address the preposterous nature of this fucking person who's like, I just switched. Now I'm Cindy. Right now? Now I'm back to Paul. I'm back to Paul now. In the conversation? Yes, in the conversation. Like, I just turned over. Like, oh, you did. Oh, you're this

special creature that can just go back and forth and switch genders. Or are you fucking crazy, Paul slash Cindy yeah we would never have violated Paige's wishes in the story it's an unfortunate understanding what it would he's would he pull up is there a note when they had to change the whole story member they had to go back because they got mad that they misgendered them in the original how they missgender if she goes back and forth? They have to keep up at the moment?

Yeah So they misgendered how? Were they called her a him or him a her? Which one's the misgendering? The miscommunication was between the reporter and the actual person they were talking to The person's fucking crazy You can't just go back and forth and back and forth. Like, cut the shit.

You know, this whole thing is just preposterous. The upcoming, they'll remove references to the name she no longer recognizes. Does that mean that afterwards? Afterwards, she decided to go full female. That's what happened. What'd you keep calling me Craig for, man? So at one point in time During the show She switches Come on man

I'm Paul now I'm Paul now Now I'm back to Cindy Cindy's light You cannot Cindy's happy Cindy's loose Cindy doesn't care

You need psychiatric help At this point At one point in time Here's the thing You're not allowed to say that When it comes to gender When it comes to anything else If you're like

Oh I recognize As a wood elf I'm a wood elf You know that's how I that's how I identify yeah I'm a sprite I should be in the forest flying around with the butterflies like people go oh you probably has an issue that guy's schizophrenic yeah but if it's a guy who's built like Brock Lesnar yeah who's like you know I've always identified as Amanda a small thin woman people are People are like, yeah, that's totally cool. We should respect that.

Yeah, we should respect that. When it comes to gender, gender is this weird thing that we allow all sorts of very illogical behavior. Isn't that wild? Yeah, like these 78-plus gender, but by the way, they're adding more. There's more. There weren't enough.

There's more gender pronouns now than ever before. But if it's a guy at a bus stop who's like, I am the president, you don't go like, oh, we should respect the fuck out of that right now. Right. You're just like, oh my God. He identifies as the leader of the free world. We should address that. No, you're supposed to be like, hey, stand over here.

Yeah. When it comes to gender, we're supposed supposed to we give like a lot of leeway let a lot of things slide get this true yeah and I think it's for good reason I think the the good part of it is that we recognize that there are people that really do wish that they were a woman and would like you to call them a woman and why not let let the guy become a gal, and maybe they'll be happier that way. And I guess it shows acceptance and kindness on our part to just allow that to happen.

True. But the problem with that is it's a goddamn slippery slope, and a lot of this weirdness that's going on is people trying to control other people's behavior. And one of the ways they try to do that is try to get you to use words that they've made up. Yeah. This is where you're seeing how preposterous it is.

The number of pronouns is also just- 78 up until recently. I mean, I understand somebody saying, like, I don't identify. Like, I understand that concept. It's not too hard to understand. Too hard to understand. But where it's like, I also have free reign on a hundred words that you should possibly know to address me by. It's like, what are you fucking, why are you bothering everybody?

Is that what you get off on? Well, you become special that way. Yeah, of course. You get special rights, special privileges, special attention. You get just special consideration. I'm trying to remember if my, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've had on my profile on Twitter for a long time.

Like if you read my first bio sentence, I'm a comedian. Is this comedian Zim Zer? That's my pronoun. But nobody respects it. Well, I didn't even know Zim. Yeah, Zim is a big one. I know Zer, Z-H-E-R. Or Z-E-R, yeah.

Zimzer, yeah. Yeah. Those are these motherfuckers. There's just so many. What does it say? We're really feeling dog cunts? What does it say there? What does it say there in his tweet?

We're really feeling dog cunts and want to thank the people of Australia for bringing it to our attention. Well, we saw this clip where this guy, if you hit view there, he's like doing this video. And we just heard him say it. I was like, I've never heard somebody say that. Can you play it or no? I don't know. Dog cunts. I like dog cunts.

I've never heard dog cunt. I've never heard that before in my life. It's really good. It's really good. He drinks a beer. He's like, dog cunts. He's an Australian guy. We're like, fucking A.

And then all these Australian people were like, that's right. That's one of the things we say here. What does it mean? I actually got really great explanations of it about how common it is there let me see this guy wrote oh well first of all guy goes no no problem that's that is how we talk here a dog in australia is like a dirty rat or an ugly person or a dishonest person we use it to put people down so it's like you know if, if somebody, you say dog, a dog is like a shitty person.

Oh, okay. So someone wrote, there's a lot of shit cunts here too. I like shit cunt. He said it's two insults because dog is a common insult. And this guy is a total, this guy is a total bogan, which is like a white trash redneck.

Another guy said, if you say you fucking dog cunt to the wrong type of Aussie, you might get stabbed with a sharpened toothbrush multiple times. And it said it's a snitch in bogan slang. So a dog cunt is a snitch. A dog cunt is a snitch. Yeah, so a mad cunt is a good bloke. A sick cunt is like a professional BMX rider. A fat cunt is a snitch. Yeah, so a mad cunt is a good bloke. A sick cunt is like a professional BMX rider. A fat cunt is Bert.

And a dog cunt's a shitty person. Oh. If you see your mate and he ditches you for a girl on a night out, he's a fucking dog cunt. Oh. Yeah. If you see your mate, your buddy, and he ditches you for a gal. He's a fucking dog cunt. What's he supposed to do?

What if he can get laid? He's supposed to hang out with you, man. You guys had plans. I don't fucking know. At a certain point in time. What if she's really hot? That changes everything. Kate Upton in her prime.

If she's super smoking hot. She wants to bang it out right now. Then your friend's being a dog cunt for getting upset at you, I think. Interesting. Kate Upton. Interesting. Kate, how about that? Interesting. You know what's interesting? I don't know why I came up with her.

I'm having a hard time pulling hot chicks' names for references on the fly. I don't know why. The other day I said Jennifer Beal from Flashdance. I was like, where? What? Hey, man, that's a special place in your mind. That's all it is. I guess.

Yeah. I think we all go to like an era. I would do that too. I'd be like Like fucking Kathy Ireland Smoke show Oh Yeah She's like 80 now

Yeah That's cause there was a time When I was really stroking to her Were you? Yeah I mean I'm sure When like that Sports Illustrated Was coming out I was probably like 13 or something

So Yeah that would have been Prime time Wow That era It's like when you discover What a hot woman is When you discover What a hot woman is when you discover

what a hot woman is yeah she's like someone's mom now oh definitely el mcpherson that's what she used to look like yeah so that right there it's got to be so hard for those women to let that go yeah and to be that hot yeah i'm celebrated for it and now to be just like a regular girl. A nice lady with pearls. Nice gal. Someone's mom. Yeah. I think the thing about the SI stuff, when the swimsuit issue would come out, is that they were kind of household names and kind of not.

So you felt like you knew something by learning their name. Do you know what I mean? Because it wasn't a movie star. A swimsuit model was like learning that name. I'm talking about like as a teenager. In a bizarre way, you thought like you knew them better because you knew their name. So I would be like, oh, Kathy Ireland, Elle McPherson. And then people would catch on. But you'd learn their names and feel like you knew something.

I don't know. It's really weird. Really? Yeah, I think so. You felt like you were better than people that didn't know their names? I think at 12 and 13, definitely. Was it like a sports thing?

Yes, it's like knowing stats. Like, that dude's 6'9", 245, so he can really fucking move, man. You know, then you feel like you know more. Yeah, that was always a thing, right? When you were young, to be able to pull out sports stats and players' names,

to know the entire lineup. It's really crazy. I saw this thing, Artie Lang. Do you know that he can name for like 40 years who played in World Series and like the two teams that played? But I'm talking about you can be like 1958. He's like that was Cardinals versus Mets, game four. He knows like a span of 40 or 50 years by memory.

Wow. That's some really, really ridiculous stats to know. Well, he's a fucking banana baseball fan. Yeah, but this level of it is really, I've never seen anything like that before. Why doesn't he do sports radio then? He did for a while, didn't he? He might have. Was that thing that he did with Nick DiPaolo, he do, like, sports radio then? He did for a while, didn't he? He might have.

Was that thing that he did with Nick DiPaolo, wasn't that like a sports radio show? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. What is he doing now? He checked himself into rehab, right? I think so. Because he was doing that show with Anthony Cumia.

Yeah. And then I think he checked himself into rehab. I think so, yeah, which is good. Yeah. He just did that last, which is good. Yeah. He just did that last, or the new season of Crashing, the HBO show, Pete Holmes show. He's one of the guests or one of the stars? No, he's a cast member, I think.

Oh, is he? I think so, because he was on it the first season, and, yeah, he returned. Poor guy. He loves the drugs. Yeah. And the hard ones. He's a true addict.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you got to wonder. He's so the hard ones. He's a true addict. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you gotta wonder. He's so funny, though. He's hilarious. And that's, like I said, that sports knowledge he has is fucking crazy. Do you have sports knowledge?

You have a lot of sports knowledge. No. Not like that. I know some random things. Right. I know some things like, I mean, I basically, like I said, I like college football. Right. You know, I know some things like I mean, I basically like I said, I like college football. And so like I can I can hold a conversation with different levels of college football fans.

Like I can I could talk to a super fan and hang with them in that conversation. But I'm not like I can tell you every championship game for the last 20. No, no. Right. I remember people, teams winning and stuff for sure but i don't i don't have a level that you'd be like dude what type of autism do you have like that is like so like savant level shit where it's like you're such an expert in one field you know like all these weird stats you retain i'm not like that yeah yeah there's you ever see Al Franken draw the United States like that? No. He's got this weird ability to draw every state. Like he, well.

Yeah, all 50 states. He draws the shape of them, puts it together. He draws the United States by free hand. Really? Yeah. That's very weird. Like his ability to do that, like this. Look at this. This is before everybody knew he grabbed butts

What? That's already impressive He does the entire country Completely free hand And it's an accurate map of the country How is this possible? Because he's a real patriot This is one of the things that's kind of

Disturbing and sad about this whole Al Franken thing. The worst they got out of him was that he may or may not have grabbed someone's butt when he took pictures with them. I don't know if he did or he didn't, but that's basically it. And he's resigning. He's not going to be a senator anymore. No, he's done. But they didn't get him on anything completely horrible. It was just like he may or may not have squoze in someone's butt.

A few people's butts. How many? I don't know. Five? A few butts. A few butts? A few butts. Like five or six butts?

That's really impressive, actually. Yeah, it really is. It's very impressive. And this few butts? A few butts. Like five or six butts? That's really impressive, actually. Yeah, it's very impressive. And this is, yeah. I mean, he does California, the whole deal. Look, come on. Even does Alaska and Hawaii. You do the States. Come on.

2009 Minnesota State Free. That's the State Fair. That's where he would grab butts. He would grab butts at the State Fair. He would grab butts at the State Fair. Yeah. Well, he was all high on his performance. Yeah.

He just was feeling, I'm the fucking king of the world. I could see how it could happen. I had my butt grabbed a bunch. Taking pictures with women? For sure. After shows, yeah. I've never grabbed. I'm like, nah, that's just not.

I don't do it. But I could see how people's butts would get grabbed. Bill Burr was talking about it on his podcast. He's like, there's a particular type of woman in her 40s, drunk, a little loud, getting kind of crazy. And who's the one that's going to grab your ass? They'll grab your ass. They'll say, like, can I pinch your nipple? And they'll say something.

And before you can even say no, they'll go for it. Yikes. Yeah. And they're always boozed up. They're never like, that's always alcohol. Yeah. Yeah, alcohol is the catalyst for all shitty behavior and decision making. By the way, did you see that Born Strong doc?

You see that? What's that? Born Strong is this documentary about the world's strongest man competition. No. It's really fucking interesting, man. Yeah. And these guys are such fucking like not normal species of human, you know? Oh, is it like the Iceland guys?

Yes. They're doing those powerlifting competitions and stuff? And they do it like, they go to the Arnold Classic every year. Oh, these guys. These guys are such fucking beasts, man. I mean, it is like, it's not, I mean, this dude does an 1,100-pound deadlift. What? Yeah.

Eddie, 6'2", 400 pounds. Yeah. So unhealthy for you to be that big. Well, that guy is interesting. He was a national champion swimmer. Whoa. Yeah, as a kid. Like a thin guy.

Yes, lean and thin. And he's competing against guys. Most of the guys he competes against are like, that guy's the next smallest, basically. All the other guys are like 6'8", 6'9", 4'10", 4'20", 4'30". And the swimmer guy has to eat like all day. And they explain the physiology. Look at the size of that guy. 6'8", 4'27". swimmer guy has to eat like all day. And they explain the physiology. Look at the size of that guy.

6'8", 4'27". I mean, they're just... Jesus Christ. They're so crazy. But this level of competition, this is the guy from Game of Thrones right here. He's a competitor too. But it's like the physiology of eating that much to sustain the muscle. Eventually you have to put on the weight,

like you need the fat. And they explain how, you know, this guy's like, his physique is like that. He's just kind of put together that way. But most of the guys have these big barrel bellies. And a doctor explains how at a certain level of consumption the these guys all

basically get bellies you know like because people are like why they have to get fat and just as you think that they start explaining it so when you're that big and you lift in that much weight you have to be fat yes that's basically what the guy says. Hmm. But the Game of Thrones guy's not really that fat. But he's one of the unique cases where he is actually built to be a fucking Viking. In other words, the other guys are eating so much to sustain themselves, be able to pick up and recover from all this crazy weightlifting he's a guy who but like is essentially born walking around six eight

right 395 or whatever yeah like he's a unique freak huh the other guys have to eat crazy amounts of food I mean they show what one he's got is it would blow your mind he force feeds himself like nine times a day. And he has to. He said he has to, yeah. And has he ever tried to not do it and see like if he's less strong? I think so, yeah. Isn't that weird that force feeding yourself makes yourself stronger?

Yeah, yeah. It really is interesting. Like why? Why do you get stronger if you're fatter? Or do you need that much food to keep the muscles up? And if you just eat that much food to keep the muscles up, there's going to be a certain amount of fat. That's kind of,

I think that's more of the, the way it goes. Do they talk about steroids? Um, no, not really. No, that's a bullshit documentary then.

I don't feel like they did. Fucking guys. No, no one, no one wants to admit it. That's a weird thing about that world. That's the swimmer guy. Look at him.

Wow. He was all lean and gay porno-y. Yeah. Not that he was. I'm just saying. If you were going to... There's a film about a guy working out in the backyard and a bunch of guys showed up to suck his dick. That would be the guy.

You wouldn't believe it. You'd believe this is real life. The fact that one of those guys could just become a woman and just enter into women's weightlifting competitions is so fucking preposterous. And they would be like, be respectful. Don't bring up the past. She's a woman. She's always been a woman. God, she beat the competition by an astounding 600 pounds.

Weird. Really crazy. Yeah. Beat the second runner up by 40 pounds. No big deal. It's normal. Super normal. It happens. No. No. everybody does it no no we're gonna look back on these days and

it's gonna it's gonna be an astounding sort of observation on mass mass thinking like group think like what happens when people are scared of expressing themselves honestly yeah and and expressing controversial points of view because of the time and the culture yeah like what it you know what what ramifications it has like by the way here's here's what's weird i'm and i don't know if it's good or bad it's not a judgment call but i am i know so many people It's not a judgment call. But I know so many people whose children are now transgender.

A lot? Yeah, like five or six. Really? I didn't know any before. All out here? When I was growing up. All in California? Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Well, one of them in Canada. But yeah, really important. What's this? Toronto. Toronto Furies. Jessica Platt is a CWHL's first openly transgender player. Now, she used to be a woman and now is a man.

Used to be a man, now is a woman. And she's playing women's hockey? Okay. Fuck that. That's crazy. You're going to fuck people up. Yeah, it's hockey. Guess who's an all-star this year?

It's Jessica. Yeah, take that fucking mountain from the Game of Thrones. Put him in a skirt. Yeah. See how many people he plows over like a goddamn human bowling ball. Oh, my God. That dude's so fucking strong. It's crazy.

It's just if you're going to play sports, there should be – look, there are physical freaks that are women. There's no doubt about that. There's some women that are just physical freaks. And there's some women that also take steroids. There's some women that are just physical freaks. And there's some women that also take steroids. That's another very controversial issue because you have women that are ingesting large amounts of male hormones and changing their physiology. And then they also compete against women.

But then there's women who are just women. What about them? How about looking out for them? How about not letting them get their head smashed in by a man? That's just not fair, man. That's where that comes down to. It's not. It's not fair. But it's also, it just shows you how silly people have gotten and about how weird we are about looking at things.

And that everyone is so, and because they don't really have a personal stake in the game, everyone is so concerned about being viewed as being incredibly progressive and open-minded that they don't want to criticize us. It's a really interesting point because if you really put yourself in a competition you care about, say like it's important to you to win, imagine yourself competing in something where it's important to you to win and they go, but then we're going to have this person in and those are the circumstances, you'd be the first one And they go, but then we're going to have this person in. And those are the circumstances. You would, you'd be the first one to be like, fuck that.

Yeah. That is not fair. And those women get called bigots. Yeah. It gets, it's really strange. Yeah. That is very strange. Those women get like attacked online.

Like there's a bunch of women that didn't want to fight that transgender man who became a woman in MMA and they got called bigots and transphobe and that and the transgender people that community is like super aggressive about defending that intellectual turf defending that idea see that's an interesting place is like where where you go because you have to have empathy for let's say this transgender person who's like I want to compete and you're like yeah you should be able to compete but how is how is this circumstance fair to both sides, you know, to those women that, that are ready. They also want attention. Part of, part of the wanting to compete is also wanting attention and wanting everyone to know that you're a man who transitioned to a woman and that there's,

look, there's a lot of energy in that. There's a lot of people that are paying attention to that. And anybody who says, no, that's preposterous, people, they want their privacy when it comes to these matters, and they don't want to be open to the ridicule, bullshit. Bullshit. They want attention, 100%. It's why they're competing. It's what they're doing. It's why they're letting everybody know they're the first openly transgender woman.

A lot of this is about, I mean, some of it is about transgender rights. It's about transparency and showing people how many of those folks are out there. Sure. A lot of it's about horseshit. Yeah. There's a lot of attention. A lot of it. I mean, for you to sign up for that competition when you know what's what yeah it's definitely attention getting especially things like power lifting and mma like to deny that there's some sort of a difference in the male frame there's also a lot of horseshit when it comes to like what actually happens to the body yeah during transition and how much strength you lose and how much bone mass you lose and there's a woman named dr ramona kratzik i think that's her name and they interviewed her and she's one of the very few people that's been interviewed about this it's an actual endocrinologist that's not a gender transition doctor because that's what a lot of

them are a lot of the people that talk about these things and have these these discussions about these things that are hashtag experts, they're actually transition doctors. So they have a vested interest in sort of expressing the ideology that there's no physical advantage and that these women, you know, once they have been under these hormonal treatments for X amount of years, they become physiologically a woman, and there's no distinction between them and a biological woman but this one woman dr. Ramona Kruczek she wrote an article for I want to say was it was

either SB nation or bloody elbow I forget what it was but they interviewed her and she was saying not only do you not lose bone density but you you maintain it because you're taking estrogen. She's like, well, the idea is that like a man has more bone density, they're thicker, they're built different. And that you would lose a lot of that in your transition to being a woman, but you don't lose the bone density because estrogen is actually what causes people to maintain their bone density when they're older, when they're women. Like that's one of the things that happens to women when they get older, you get osteoporosis.

Yeah. Part of the problem is that your body doesn't produce as much estrogen as it used to. And so you have a lack of bone density. One way to heighten that is to supplement with estrogen. Yeah, interesting. So it actually maintains bone density. So it's a good argument. Yeah, but they're not the same as men because they don't have testosterone anymore.

And if they're not taking exogenous testosterone,'re definitely gonna have a disadvantage against men but they still would have an advantage against men about against women rather they have a mechanical advantage of course but it's also a mental advantage there's a reaction advantage um the reaction time is quicker with uh with men than it is with women like there's a bunch of weird 3d space recognition advantages that men have. It's like... And then there's the thing that people want to pretend that there's no difference between men and women.

There's that group. Do you know about that group? No, but that seems, like, so stupid to even entertain the idea. No, this is a common thing among the most ridiculous of the progressives, is that there's no biological difference in the sexes what well how could anything support that's so dumb but but it is dumb but it shows you how insane a lot of this thinking is is that this group think this mass progressive thought process yeah that they just accept things that are totally irrational

and then repeat them ad nauseum. Like we played this one clip where there's, it seems like it's a transgender man, a woman to man who's saying, she was talking, there was a Jordan Peterson debate, and she was saying there's no biological difference between the sex, and I'd be happy to unpack that for you. Oh, really?

Oh, you'd be happy to unpack that for you oh really oh you'd be happy to unpack yeah biology sure and just no difference at all in our biology just no it's not real okay there's no biological basis in sex and Jen what right what did I say this is a big it yes I'm sorry you transphobic are you a bigot is this and this is an expert no but she's teaching at a college oh that's yeah that would follow but that's what a lot of good lots going on there's a lot of that going on in colleges where people are teaching unbelievably ridiculous shit I got a piece yeah go for it buddy go for it Tommy Bunz hasn't done the three-hour

podcast in a while doesn't have the kind of bladder for it. We can go live, too, by the way. We can go live? We're back? No, it's too late. We'll go live with Tyron when he comes in later. People are parking in front of our garage again. Fuckheads. So, Young Jamie, this game that Tommy Bunz and Ari Shaffir and Bert Kreischer went to,

this was a game that you were interested in as well? I was watching it. It was actually a really, really good game. They took the side of Georgia, who turned out to not be the victors, but the final five minutes of the game was insane. And you as a non-football fan could probably watch it and enjoy it too. Really? Yeah.

Now, let me ask you this because this is what I was going to ask. Is there any other sport, like football, that has the kind of attention on the college level? Because does basketball have that kind of attention? Do people care as much about a championship game? In March. In March? March Madness. Oh, that's what March Madness is.

It's a marketed thing. But not baseball? Baseball, no. No. They do have a College World Series, but you have to spend the summer when no one's paying attention. Hmm. But that's it, as far as in terms of other sports, right? I mean, there's no other ones.

Yeah, I was just trying to think. Wrestling has got a little attention, but it's very small. But in their world, they sell out arenas and whatnot. It's just not televised. Right. But in wrestling, it's really only other. I mean, it's like wrestling fans that are into it. It's not a national thing.

Even then, I'm pretty sure not every college has a wrestling team. Just like they almost all have a football team, almost all have a basketball team. They don't all have wrestling teams. Yeah, you know, one of the things they were highlighting, I was reading this article about the coaches and about how the coaches were getting these large bonuses for victory. And they were saying how crazy it is that the kids that are playing aren't getting any money, but that these fucking coaches are making shit tons of money and that the university profits massively from these successful football programs. And yet these athletes who are damaging their brain

damaging their body and then a large percentage of them are never even going to go on to a career in professional sports so i was just pulling this up this now here's another pop-up but this summer i think it was right before the basketball season started this uh scandal hit the world rick patino is, I think he might have been running the athletic program in some capacity. I don't know if he was the AD, but he was definitely one of the top basketball coaches in the country.

And he was getting 98% of the cash of this deal they had with Adidas. Do you know about this deal? No, but that's so much he raked in 98 of the cash from the university of louisville's current adidas deal how is that possible it's uh it's uh it's hard to explain how it can even happen if you watch the movie blue chips from the 90s they sort of almost

tap into it but this that was 15 years even before this is happening so there's a whole extra world going on look what he said this is what's funny the reporter asked him if some of the proceeds would be shared with the university he says in quotes it's for the athletic department junk reply how do you say his name juric juric replied yeah it's for these student athletes it's been earmarked for them ha in! In fact, under the current deal with Adidas, which expires July 1st, 98% of the cash provided by Adidas goes to one person, Rick Pitino, the now suspended head coach. That's fucking crazy.

Look at the next sentence. Oh, my God. 2015, 2016, for example, $1.5 million went to Patino under his personal services agreement with the apparel company. Just $25,000 went to the program according to the contract obtained by the Courier-Journal under the State's Public Records Act. Whoa. The year before, the department got $10,000. And he got $1.5 million. That's incredible. Why do they pay him so much?

How does that work? He can recruit the kids to the school because he's got the name and whether or not he's got some sort of ability to sell them. Also, I don't know that, but he can bring them in because he's got almost a franchise of

national championships or at least ability to be on national tv and that big march madness tournament i'm telling you about like he'll get your eyes on there which gets you with the nba contract which is the old old dream he can sell that they can sell that dream to them those nba deals are the best fucking deals in the world the the guaranteed contracts to play and the shoe deals. Shoe deals are big. The shoe deals for those guys, the NBA guys, for the top tier guys, which is of course a very select few, but it's

nine figures before they ever play ball. They're signing $100 million deals before they play professional basketball. That's crazy. There's fucking amazing outrageous amounts of money. I mean. We were talking about Under Armour, about how one, what was the player that said nobody

wants to play in Under Armour? Kevin Durant said that. And he sank the stock. Like by saying that, because universities have deals with sneaker companies and that no one wanted to play for Maryland because they didn't want to play with Under Armour They didn't want to wear Under Armour and everything just went Hilarious they've been struggling ever since really yes, it's amazing to me the way Under Armour Has been able to compete period like that is so outrageous that that's a former University of Maryland

student athlete I think he was a student athlete. And that he was able to start an apparel company, athletic company, and really actually compete with Adidas and Nike. I mean, that is so nuts. It would be like you starting a fucking car tomorrow. And then you're like, yeah, Porsche, BMW, or a Joe car. and then you're like yeah it's you porsche bmw or a joe car what

you like like it's fucking that it's that's how nuts that is to break into that field really yeah fuck yeah it is man that they have that shit so locked down they have such deep pockets their their levels of endorsements and like what he started doing the under armor guy wouldn't even pay like now they have paid endorsed athletes but at first people were just liking the gear he he was like one of the first ones that developed that you know that like tight fit breathe right um like compression gear right and like he developed some of it and would like give it to uh like former like people he knew at university of m that were now in the process. And they're like, I like this shit, and so does my boy.

Throw us some more of that. And it was like that. It was just kind of a very organic way of developing. It would be like if you bake something, and you're like, oh, that tastes good. Can you make me another one for me and my friends? It was like that. I was reading something really interesting where they were saying that they're fucking up the brand because they've put them into discount stores.

That they're trying to raise the sales, and by raising the sales, they put them into discount stores. By putting them into discount stores, they're going to change the way people look at the brand. It's not going to be worth as much. That's probably very realistic, man. Wow. That's very interesting. Weird. People think so weird.

I know. Like, if you saw a pair of Nikes at a discount store, would you like, oh, fuck Nike, I ain't wearing that. Like, that means zero to me. Yeah, no. And Nike has outlet stores, which is like discount Nikes, you know. So that's kind of weird. But it is true about how, I mean, the other one is like that big baller brand. They're basically attempting to compete in the apparel world.

That's LeVar Ball, right? Yeah. That's the guy that got in that crazy thing because his son was arrested in China for shoplifting. Yes. Was it China? He was in China, yeah. He was shoplifting, and then Trump says he got him out. Yeah.

And the dad says he didn't get him out. Yeah. That's him, man. And then the dad is, you know, Trump he didn't get him out. Yeah, that's him, man. And then the dad is, you know, Trump's calling the dad a fool. What happened? Trump's, I mean, well, that guy's very brash. LeVar Ball. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, I mean, I think, you know, that guy knows what he's doing, man. Does he? As far as PR, definitely. He knows he's going to say some wild shit, and he knows people are going to be like, oh, my God, what did he say? And then he knows that that gets him more press, and it kind of just feeds itself. And people act like, can you believe the fucking crazy shit that asshole just said? And he's like, yeah, that's what I do.

And that's why you keep putting me on this show. Sort of like Trump when he was running for president. A hundred percent. It's the same school of thought. And now, though, that guy, so he has a son named Lonzo who plays for the Lakers, who's a first-round draft pick, like a top-tier player from UCLA. Then his other son, he has two more sons. One of them was on UCLA's team this year, got arrested for shoplifting in China. If he hadn't been released, if it wasn't a highly publicized thing,

he definitely could have gone to jail for a while in China. They don't fuck around, you know. Right. But anyways, when he got out and came back, LeVar pulled him from school, from UCLA, and also pulled his 16-year-old son out of high school and flew them to Lithuania where they're now playing both of them are playing professional basketball in Lithuania and professional professional air quotes Jamie did the air quotes it's gotta be in a big air quotes yeah for sure well I mean there's definitely some some good players that come out of there but it's like I mean it is a circus over there if you see

like how it was when they arrived, it's crazy, the reception. So what is he trying to do now? He's trying to start some new league? He's trying to do a couple things. He started a brand, Big Baller brand, and that's their ball. And came out with these shoes. They're basically $500 retail sneakers. And if you're like, that's expensive.

He's like, because you're not a big baller bitch that's why that's like but are they like made by a real organization well Adidas no no no no no they're not made by definitely not any and by the way the son that's in the NBA turned down real money like real fucking money because he was like I the the father demanded that you basically pay to develop this brand from the big apparel guys. Like, give us like a billion dollar contract and like develop this brand.

What? And they were like, no, we're not doing that. And he's like, well, then we're not even gonna talk to you about endorsing my son. What? Seriously? 100%. Yes.

Then, now he's had like, there's so much conversation about the brand that he's definitely elevated like the awareness of it. What we don't know, what nobody knows is like to what level are they actually selling this apparel? You know, like, are they, because they have everything. They have shirts and shoes.

They're getting, they just got it rated an f by the better business that's right because their shoes are not the ones they sold they pre-sold a bunch of shoes and there's like the ones that people are getting are not what they bought so people are pissed there's no way to return or refund or exchange them yeah and they're just telling people they're literally i think i read that the customer service people told you oh you must be a broke baller then if you're not satisfied. Yeah. That's literally what they're saying. Oh, my God.

But he's also, I mean, he's, so anyways, he took these kids to Lithuania. They're going to play basketball. He's like, he basically says they're going to be on the Lakers. My three sons are going to be Lakers. Right. And we have no idea really realistically whether the two younger sons even have, we don't know, to be Lakers. Right. So we have no idea really realistically whether the two younger sons even have, we don't know to be fair, whether they're going to be NBA quality players yet. You know, like clearly one is the one who's on the Lakers, but so we don't know if that's going

to pan out in any way, shape or form. He also talked about developing a league for like kids that are coming out of high school that don't want to go to college and play in a league where they get paid like a salary you know a reasonable salary mm-hmm which is an idea that a lot of people think is fascinating I don't know logistically whether he could pull that off you know that's kind of right... I don't know for sure. Right. I mean, but the idea is one that people have talked about for years because college athletes generate a lot of revenue. They're getting fucked.

Yeah. College athletes are getting pimped out. Yeah. A hundred percent. Especially in like football and basketball. Well, you were telling me, I was talking to Jamie when you went to pee about how big the game was that you went to see. Fucking God.

And I was saying is there what about baseball is baseball like that like no nobody gives a fuck about college baseball basketball is a little bit you said much madness definitely those are those are the big college football get that's big time that's and it's worth billions of dollars many billions yeah yeah which is crazy those kids aren't getting paid that doesn't make any fucking sense well i got a free scholarship, Joe. I get to go to school for free and learn. Oh, great.

Get $25,000 a year's worth of free education. Yeah. Fuck you. I tend to agree. What's the matter, Jamie? There's a couple kids. Interesting story that came out earlier this year. He's on one of the teams that did really good.

UFC or UCF, I'm sorry. Yeah. UCF's kicker was a YouTuber as the season started and he got in trouble because he was making profit off of his likeness on youtube so they took away his ability to do that oh my god i think he left the team oh my god you fucking monsters like what you don't own people that's what drives me crazy it's like you don't own people they're providing a service that makes you an extraordinary amount of money and yet you're keeping all of it like that patino thing 1.5 million to school i'll give him 10 grand yeah i get school 10 grand that's a lot of the money yeah that's a lot of money oh that's the argument ten thousand dollars

i know i think the the thing about assholes the people the people who really argue the free education thing and how that should be of value is because they ain't worth a shit. That's why they think that's awesome. Your skill level is not impressive, and you don't generate millions and billions of dollars. So you go, it's fucking $100,000 worth of free education there. It's like, yeah, but I'm bringing $10 million to the table, bro. That's the thing. And here's the big thing. How much damage are they getting in that four years?

How much damage are they doing to their body? In football? Yeah. In high-level Division I FBS football, a lot of those dudes are playing. I mean, they're playing basically with, you know, the next NFL players. So, yeah, they're fucking each other up. They're fucking each other up. And the odds of their body getting damaged to the point where they can never compete

professionally are very high. Oh, definitely. Yeah. So if you think of like, there was a statistic about NBA or, excuse me, NFL players, like how many of them make it into the fourth year, and it's very low. Yeah, the Not For Long League. That's what they call it, yeah.

Is that what they call it? That's the nickname for the NFL, Not For Long. Yeah, the average NFL career is like three-point-some season. Right. So think of that. You're basically trying to outrun that through college and then make it into the pros. Yeah, that's why you really, from a business perspective,

you really have to support guys coming out of college early to the NFL. Oh, 100%. I mean, there's people who are like, some people are like, what about your education? Get the fuck out of here. I'll read a book while I'm balling, bitch. I'll go back. Go back with my free time, man.

Yeah, go back. You're still only going to be 25 years old when your career's over. That's fucking nuts. There's millions on the table. Millions. You're 22? Come on. Although, do you ever think about how poorly you would handle that? I think about it now a lot.

If I had been 22 and someone was like, here's $10 million. I'd be like, what? I would definitely not have been able to handle that well. Yeah, I's $10 million. I'd be like, what? I would definitely not have been able to handle that well. Yeah, I think about that hardcore. I think about what if I won the lottery when I was 20? Go nuts.

You go nuts. I got diamonds in my jacket, man. Check it out. I got diamonds on my teefus. My buttons are all diamonds. I got diamonds on my dickhole. Definitely. Yeah, I think it's like we were talking about earlier about a guy being rich and having rich children.

Struggle is fucking very important for you. Yeah. It's very good for you. It's very important for you. It builds character. It builds resolve. Respect. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. Respect money. How many professional athletes who make millions of dollars work out as hard as my friend cameron haynes right think of that that fucking guy has a regular job dude works for department of water and power in oregon does he really yep nine to five regular job during his lunch hour he doesn't work 9 to 5. He works like 7 to 4. And one of the reasons why he's got an extra hour in there is because he runs during his lunch break.

So he takes like two-hour lunches and runs for two fucking hours, runs the hills, and then comes back and finishes out the rest of the eight hours of the day. I bet that dude feels good all day, though. It's a savage. He doesn't feel good. He doesn't want to feel good. He's in pain. All the time. But he's happy. He's happy in pain.

I don't know, man. He gets shit done. He's not grimacing in pain. He's like, this shit hurts. I like it. There's a mindset of those people, though, that can do those ultra marathons. That's a different world inside your dome. You've got some darkness in there. What was that woman that smashed all of them?

Courtney DeWalter? Yeah. She's a teacher, right? Yeah. Did you listen to the podcast? I did not. She's amazing. She eats nachos and drinks beer, eats candy.

She's eating candy when she's hanging out with us. What's going on in her brain, man? That's what I want to see. I want to see a CT scan. She's straight-up savage. I'll tell you what. How does she keep going? She was telling us about how she had some sort of retina edema where she was almost blind

because her contacts fucked up or something like that. Her eyeballs were bleeding and she couldn't see and she fell, cracked her fucking head open. Like blood pouring down her head. Still one. Couldn't see. Couldn't see where her feet were while she was running. Her brain cannot be the same. It's not.

She's just tough. There's mental toughness that some people have that is almost unexplainable. Like you don't, like what makes them that tough? I don't understand it. The ability to block out all the negative voices, the stop voices. don't like what makes them that tough mm-hmm I don't understand it the ability to block out all the negative voices the stop I mean well think about personalities right like a personality like Bert it could be the life of the party right that's not me I'm not that guy I've never been that guy right I

mean I can I can if we're all hanging around together we're all drinking I could make everybody laugh yeah be silly we could all have a good time together. But I don't gravitate towards that thinking, that kind of behavior. Whereas Bert can walk into a liquor store and have everybody sing along to I Would Die For You. He's got his phone out and people are dancing. Yeah, it's a genuine personality type. Yeah. That's who he is.

That's his personality type. Some people have that personality type where they'll get up at 4 30 in the morning and you know it's dark outside and they relish the fact that they don't want to put their running shoes on and they don't want to hit that mountain and run they relish the fact that they're they're gonna struggle they like it they like it yeah they like the pain they like the the stinging of the the lungs as as your lungs struggle to fill with air. They like it. Yeah, true.

They like also the fact that other people can't do what they can do. They like the fact that there's people that are in bed that are comfortably asleep while they're out there doing it, and it gives them an edge. Sure. Yeah. What makes a person's personality to be this outgoing extrovert like Bert Kreischer? What makes that stoic individual that can sit and go over, you know, like an accountant who can just sit and go over things for hours and hours? A coder, someone who could sit in front of a computer and go over 10, 12 hours a day. It's a certain mindset. Yeah. It's a different kind of human. Yeah.

Yeah. Because, I mean, both of those personalities I could never entertain, just so far from what I am. I'm fascinated by personalities. Yeah. I just find there's so many variables as to what makes a person who they are and how it changes over time and who you are the more you consider yourself. And like I did a podcast yesterday about meditation. It was all about meditation with Dan Harris from Good Morning America,

who's a big proponent of meditation. And this guy, Jeff Warren, who wrote this book, Head Trip, a very, very interesting guy who is his meditation teacher. We're just talking about thought processes and the mind and managing the mind and managing the way you do things, don't do things, and how much of these little weird kinks and pitfalls can just trip you up and fuck you up in your life. Imagine Louis C.K. without this desire to beat off in front of women. Let's say he did that 10 times in his whole life.

Imagine if you could get to him before those 10 times and go, hey, man, look, you're a real nice guy. You've always been friendly to people. You give good advice as a comedian. Just you can't beat off in front of people. It's going to cost you like $50 million one day. You're like, what? You think so? Yeah.

Yeah, one day it's going to cost you $50 million if you just beat off in front of people. No one's going to work with you. So just don't do that. Yeah, one day it's going to cost you $50 million if you just beat off in front of people. No one's going to work with you. So just don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. Or here's what you could do. Pay a hooker and say, I want to beat off in front of you. And she'll go, okay. And then you give her $1,000 or whatever it costs, and you beat off in front of her.

You could do that. And he'd be like, that's not the same. you could do that and he'd be like that's not the same but like what would make a person what makes a person tick really yeah what what what is it inside your head like it's all your experiences really that become your personality i think there's that these are your experiences there's managing your particular biology. There's so many different things. Yeah, because you're at the age now, too, where you can see with your children. Do you ever see how they're a certain age now, but you go, I saw that trait in you when you were one.

Oh, yeah. You see the stuff that's natural in someone, the natural personality trait, and then you sprinkle life on top of that. It starts to develop who the person becomes. Well, your son is probably just now starting to talk. Yeah. You'll start to have a little conversation with him, and then you'll start to see you in them, and that's where it gets really weird.

Really? Oh, no, you've inherited all my craziness. You see that in your kids? My 9-year-old in particular. Really? She's got a lot of my crazy in her craziness. You see that in your kids? My nine-year-old in particular. Really? She's got a lot of my crazy in her. Yeah. You totally see yourself. Oh, yeah.

She gets obsessed with things. Like obsessed. Or she'll just do them all day long. Like we went on a vacation, and we were walking back from the resort. She did cartwheels all the way back from the resort to the room. It was a half mile. So fucking like 500 cartwheels. She just did cartwheels over and over and over again.

She just gets nuts about stuff. Is it the kind of thing where you're like, hey, you should probably stop doing that? No. Let her do it. Let her do it. I think as long as your kids aren't hurting themselves and hurting other people, the more you say, hey, don't do that, the more they're going to want to do that. Sure.

It's natural. Yeah. What I try to do is encourage healthy things. That's it. I try to, like, when it comes to, like, candy and sugar and stuff like that, I try to tell them, yeah, it tastes great. It tastes amazing. But you're really only supposed to have a little bit of it for your, just, it's bad

for your body. You know, I don't, I don't just give them this, hey, you can't eat candy. Hey, you can't do that. I'm like, a little bit's good. A little bit's fine. Let's have a little bit. Let's enjoy it. But let's understand what it is.

Let's be aware of what it is. But don't be afraid of it. Don't run from it. Nobody died because they had ice cream once a week. Sure. It's not going to hurt you. Just don't have it every fucking night. Yeah, just don't you know yeah nobody died because they had an ice cream once a week sure you know it's not gonna hurt you just don't have it every fucking night yeah just don't get crazy don't let it become a part of everything who you are and one of the things that I do the most though is encourage them like what are they what do they enjoy doing like what do you enjoy doing you know

like my youngest one loves art loves to draw loves it just constantly drawing this I'm like let's draw let's let's look let's do some art it's fun it's like there's something like find out whatever it is where you can find this avenue for expression and and i want to encourage that as much as i can because i feel like if there's anything in this life that'll guarantee you some satisfaction or some feeling of accomplishment or some, some, some way to fuel your passions. It's find something that really hits your switches. Find that thing. Like you found it, right? You found it with standup? Yeah, totally.

I mean, would you imagine doing something else other than standup? No, of course not. I mean, at this point, I don't know. I tell people that all the time, actually. It's like, that's the thing you become aware of. I think when you get older, you're like, I'm so lucky that I do the thing I really like doing the most. Yeah. That's really the thing. And then you meet people like, I meet people all the time, but like, I talk to people who, you know, I'm just not happy with what they're just like, I'm not happy with my life and this and that I'm like what is it you really want to do and they I don't know like real question real question if somebody wanted to trade lives Jeff Bezos wanted to trade

lives you get to be Jeff Bezos you get 105 billion dollars but you can't do stand-up anymore no cuz I love it yeah that's so hard for people to imagine yeah well no because like I mean that love it yeah that's so hard for people to imagine yeah well no because like i mean that that i know that sounds like a comical amount of money and that like who the fuck would turn that down but it's like i don't really feel like i'm turning something down because i have i get so much pleasure and and joy out of doing what i do could you imagine you made that deal and you came back to the comedy store and you're watching somebody just kill and you'd be like, fuck, I want to go up. And they're like, no, man, you got to take your spaceship home now.

And you're sitting around writing things down when you think they're funny and you never get to do it. Just giving it to people. You take it. See if you can make it work. Do you remember Tom Agna? Mm-mm. He's a really funny comedian.

Mm-mm. He's a really funny comedian. And apparently he lives in Thailand now and just fucking retired on his Writer's Guild money. Really? And his mortgage is like 500 bucks a month. And Neil Brennan went to see him last week in Thailand. Really? Yeah. And he was a comic?

Yep. He's a funny comic. I knew him from Boston. Really good guy. There's Tom Agnew. Really good guy. And he's retired there now's a funny comic. I knew him from Boston. Really good guy. There's Tom Agnew. Really good guy. And he's retired there now. Lives in Thailand.

Good for him. Just on the beach. Just kicking back. And apparently he writes still. He'll still write stuff for people. But doesn't give a fuck anymore. Good for him, man. Yeah, I mean, I hear about things like that and I go, wow, he did it.

He figured out a way to do it. He figured out a way to get off the bus yeah I don't think I'm getting off I feel like I'm gonna George Carlin this motherfucker just keep driving it yeah I feel like one day I'm gonna die in a hotel room somewhere 80 years old yeah I don't know I mean sometimes I think about like how like god damn I'm gonna how much longer am I gonna do this for yeah because it feels like there's too much time uh still ahead of me you know what i mean though but i mean like i go like wait i'm gonna do this for 25 more years or something that's nuts the only thing that excites me as much is outdoor stuff so you really love that

yeah i'm kind of jealous of all your hobbies but not not i mean just that you i'm jealous of of the fact that you're passionate of about like hunting shooting pool jujitsu you know archery oh i'm like god damn i wish i had like uh that much passion for at least one other thing you know i just think i'm crazy i think i find these things and then i get obsessed with them yeah I'm lucky that there's – I have to manage those things. I have to be careful. I'm lucky I don't know how to fix cars. If I knew how to fix cars – I entertained this idea for a while of building a car from scratch. Really?

Of getting a frame and then starting to put suspension on it. And I said, no, you've got to stop. You can't do this. This will take too much time. You can't do this. A lot of time, yeah. And I would like it. I would on it. And I said, no, you've got to stop. Like, you can't do this. This will take too much time. You can't do this. A lot of time, yeah. And I would like it. I would like it.

I'd start wiring things. I'm surprised you don't move or at least get a place in the woods. I think that's something that's going to happen. I'm scared of that, too. Yeah. I'm scared of that, too.

You know, when we lived in Boulder, I liked it a lot, dude. I liked it a lot. I went to that house. Yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah. So's beautiful. Yeah.

So peaceful up there, right? Amazing. Just woods and mountain lions eating your dog and shit. It's just weird. Yeah. But I don't know, man. I just have to, for me, it's always like, make sure, like, there's almost like there's two me's. There's the manager me.

It's like, hey, hey, hey, hold on. Before we embark on this journey, let's take a look at where this could go wrong. Let's take a look at where this can go. almost like there's two me's there's the manager me it's like hey hey hey hold on before we before we embark on this journey let's take a look at where this could go wrong let's take a look at where this can go before i release the hounds and then there's the other part that's like just wants to just go go for it go do things you know i want a hobby though dude do you what kind i don't know want to go bow hunting with me um bow hunting i would go to a range first to see how much I dig I haven't shot I've shot an arrow bow and arrow but it's been like 25 years

I got a range here oh you have a range here? yeah it's an indoor archery range in this place okay this weekend I'm getting a thing called techno hunt installed techno hunt is have you ever seen that video game

where you hit a golf ball and the virtual golf ball rolls on the screen? Yeah. They make that with archery. You're doing that? With bow hunting. Here? Yep. So there's the animals walk across the screen and you shoot at the animals with a regular compound bow. And instead of having sharp pointed tips, this is the game right here. Instead of having sharp pointed tips, this is the game right here. You have a tip that has a flat head like the head of a nail. And so these animals walk across the screen and you literally shoot at the target. And like, watch, it'll show you like.

It's going to be like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coming this weekend, bro. See, watch how it hits where he shoots it. Well, you would want to get right there, right behind the arm. Bam. Perfect shot. So that's going to be like a good kill.

So it shows where the thing hit, and it shows your score and your vitals and stuff like That's very cool. You're going to be really into this. I'm obsessed. Yeah. It's crazy, though. Yeah, Ari, Bert, and I went to Topgolf. You know what that is? Oh, that's in Vegas, right?

Is that on the top of the... Exactly. They have one in Vegas, and they have, I don't know, 25 locations. Oh, they're all over the place? Yeah, we stayed there for hours. Hours. We thought we were going to play a round, but it just became addictive and fun. We just kept doing it.

It's not just driving? So you have a bay, right? Right, and then your own tee, and, three of you put your names in the system and you get a real golf ball and they, they, they, uh, track the balls. So like when you hit it, there's targets that you can go for points. So like you hit that flag. So it knows like, Ari hit the flag and it like, so you get like eight points and then it'll be like your next balls were double and if you hit the blue flag it's going to be like 16 points so like and and then there's different games within the system you can go just for like chip

shots you can go for distance anyways we just man i thought we were we thought we were going to play like an hour i think we saved four hours that's crazy and and we were all like we gotta find another top golf like we were really really into it man and you guys don't even play golf no i mean i know those two used to play like ari said he played regularly a long time ago same with bert they both had much better shots than me but i was equally obsessed with it like i didn't care that i was even in the bed wow i was having so much fun doing it there's so many different things you could do that's why when people tell me that they're bored i mean unless you're broken there's nothing you do but even then there's so many physical activities that you do that are free no yeah i don't understand i'm not bored by any means

i just like um you know throwing myself into an activity like that so you need a hobby. I think so why don't you get into jitsu? No, no, I don't like a guy. I didn't the gun. I never liked I never liked I never liked wrestling I did I wrestled no you hated it today I just don't like having like guys on top of you Yeah, and I don't like you know my neck being jacked or any of that shit like I never liked You know how about more time? My neck being jacked or any of that shit. Right. I never liked, you know. How about Muay Thai? I like throwing punches.

That's cool. I like that. Yeah, just take in the Muay Thai class. Learn how to kick the bag. Learn how to hit the pads. Maybe. Learn how to use your defense. Move.

Push away. I like that. Maybe photography. One of the old ladies tries to pinch your ass after a show. Hey. Sweep the leg. Sweep the leg. Knock her out.

Boom. Take her down. Sweep the leg. Sweep the leg, knock her out. Boom. Take her down. Get some good press. Next day. Can you imagine? Did you see that thing with Josh Hom from Queens of the Stone Age? Oh, yes. The photographer.

Yes. What in the fuck was going on? Yeah. Apparently the later story was like, well, her flash was really fucking bothering everybody. Oh, was it? Yeah. She wasn't supposed to have a flash going. Oh.

But that was not okay, the way that that shit went down, man. Yeah, you're supposed to go, hey, lady, turn the fucking flash off. And he wasn't part of his thing. The guy was trying to kick the camera, but he kicked her in the head or something. He said he was kicking equipment around, and he accidentally kicked her. He made a bunch of bullshit excuses. It's super deliberate. You can see it. Super., like, kicked her in the head or something? Well, he said he was kicking equipment around, and he accidentally kicked her. He made a bunch of bullshit excuses. It's super deliberate. You can see it.

Super. Yeah. He kicked her in the face. Yeah. Like, the camera's, like, right here, and he kicks the camera, and he hits her in the mug. Yeah, no. He fucked her up.

Well, in his defense, though, he might have been, like, super frustrated if that was the case. Yeah. And someone was, like, flashing in his face over and over and over again. And by the way, I can totally see, you know, losing your shit on stage. I think it's happened to everybody. I totally see it. But it's not okay.

But not kick at someone. No, no, no. I can see saying something. I've wanted to kick someone. Have you? For sure. I mean, over the course of a whole career, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I've wanted to kick someone. You know what's interesting? I watched, I did Long Beach. I did that, what is it the terrace theater i forget what theater is in long beach big ass theater in long beach yeah great theater really weird because there's no you could never have this theater today it would be completely illegal because there's the the way to get out like the rows the rows are like 70 seats long mm-hmm there's no aisle in the middle there's aisle on the left side aisle on the right that's it but the whole span

in front of you is just seats it's amazing to perform there still there yeah that's the place yeah yeah look at that oh yeah crazy man you gotta get up take a piss you got a piss in here in the middle you're fucked okay could you 40 people especially if you're overweight if you're a big fella and you're trying to get through all that? Yeah But anyway when I went there They informed me that that was where Richard Pryor did his live in concert from 79 Mm-hmm, that's we recorded and I went back and watched it after I got home and I was like, holy shit This is crazy

he pulled up to the same dock where i pulled up he walks in with his wife goes to the same back area that i went to then i watch it and in the beginning of it there's a fucking guy in the front of the stage who's getting like richard prior's on stage and he's standing there taking pictures of richard prior while he's filming his special. And Richard's going, sit down, motherfucker. Stop taking my picture. He's saying it even in 79 it was an issue. Yeah, stop taking pictures. And it's just a guy in the audience.

It's not a professional photographer. What do you think of that phone thing? Are you going to do that? Yes, I'm doing that. You are? That is, oh, okay, I should probably tell people. For my shows upcoming in Austin, Houston, and Durham, North Carolina, there's a company called Yonder.

They take your phone, they put it into a bag, and you keep your phone, but they have to open your bag when you leave. So you're not making any phone calls. You're not doing any text. You're not filming. You're not doing anything. I watched Chappelle's special when Chappelle did that and I was like this is it yeah and it was fucking amazing how much more tuned in people are yeah like when they don't have their

phone yeah especially just checking your texts and every time you're on stage I mean how many times are people just standing there filming things I just did a show where it was like fourth row, dark house, and you just see a fucking beacon of light. And I was like doing, I'm doing,

I'm talking, I'm talking, and then I'm trying to finish a bit. And then I did it and I'm like, hey man, what are you doing?

What? What are you doing? He's not even listening when I ask him what he's doing. And then his friends are like, hey, hey. He looks up, I go, what are you doing? He's not even listening when I ask him what he's doing. And then his friends are like, hey, hey. He looks up. I go, what are you doing?

He's like, I'm doing, it's for work. I go, you bought these tickets to do work? And he's like, I just, I got to do it. I go, no, no. You're lighting up the whole room. Like people that don't realize that? I go, there's like 15 minutes left. And he's like, all right.

And he flipped it over, like put the phone down. Not, not two minutes later, he's back on his phone. Back on it, back doing things. I was like, and I actually knew to not say anything at the second time

because I didn't want to, I didn't want the show to be about that. So I was like, this is just going to be negative as shit. But thankfully the staff noticed and they went over there and I don't want the show to be about that because I was like this is just going to be negative as shit but thankfully the staff noticed and they went over there I'm doing this from now on I think this phone thing some people don't like it that's okay

but it's going to make a better show here's the thing so people know because I know a little bit about the Yonder thing too is like if you're like well what if I need to you can actually you can leave the showroom and they'll unlock it for you. You can make your call. Yeah.

In the lobby. But it's just keeping people. Tuned in. Tuned into the show. And not distracting people. I went to see Love, the Beatles show. Yeah.

At Mirage. Fucking amazing. The Cirque du Soleil show. Yeah. It's incredible. I've heard. Incredible. This guy in front of me

has his brightness jacked to the fucking roof and he's texting people. So while I'm trying to watch the show, this guy has this bright phone, and he's just sitting there texting. Just hitting. Yeah, it's horrible. Over and over and over again, completely disrespecting all the people around him. Everybody's just got to go like this. Yeah.

Because the place is pitch black while a lot of this stuff is going on. Because there's stuff comes down from the ceiling, and people are descending, and they're doing this acrobatics, and this dickhead is just constantly on his fucking phone. Yeah, it's like, do you want to fucking experience things for a minute? You know what I mean? You go to Cirque du Soleil, you go to Joe Rogan's show, it's like you fucking decided to go to the thing.

Don't you want to experience the show? Yeah. Just watch the show for a minute.'t you want to experience the show? Yeah. Just watch the show for a minute. You got to force people because there's a certain amount of people that are just not going to. You get a good deal? It's not cheap. It's not cheap, yeah. It costs money.

Yeah. But I feel like it's going to be worth it. I think so, too. And I'm definitely going to do it for my special. Oh, yeah. It's a good idea. I'm just doing it from now on. Because my last two specials, I dealt with people sitting in the front row and second row just standing there,

holding that phone up in front of you, just holding it right at you. You don't think that's distracting? You don't think that's weird? Live your life. I think it's an especially good thing to do in a big, big venue. Yeah. Yeah. So that's it, folks.

So if you're coming to Austin, Houston, and Durham, we're taking your phone and putting it in the bag. Give your phone up, bitch. Give that phone up, bitch. Give it up, give it up, give it up. You did your special in Denver, right? At the Paramount, yeah. It's a fucking great place.

It's great. I loved it. Denver's the shit. It's still my favorite, man. It's my favorite city. I think if I move anywhere, it'll either be there or uh maybe seattle those are my spots i would love to live i love actually downtown denver i would also think it'd be amazing to live like 20 minutes outside of denver yeah go to like the access to it golden

live in the woods be fucking amazing i really think i think it's in my future do you i do you're gonna bail out of california i don't to bail out of California? I don't think I'm going to do it in the next couple of years, but I think in my life I will move to Colorado at some point. Yeah. I really love it. I love it too. I love all aspects of it. I like the culture.

I like the outdoors. I like the people that I meet there. I always meet great people there. Yeah. They have all the infrastructure you want from a big city. You have access to everything. Oh, yeah. You have great restaurants.

You have great, you know, they have big sports. They have entertainment. They have everything you want. The people are cool as fuck, too. They really are. It's just they're not pretentious like a lot of people that live in L.A. or San Francisco or New York. Yeah. They're very laid back.

But they're surrounded by also, I think there's something about being surrounded by the Rocky Mountains. I think it's good. You start taking yourself seriously. You just look out and you go, fucking the vastness of all this. It's incredible. It was a great night, man. I had such a fucking lucky night. It was an awesome night to do the special.

I'm trying to do Red Rocks, but every time I look for a date, I got to look two, three years in advance, and it's like Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I heard about that. I was talking to them about Red Rocks, and they were like, people will take a date they don't even want because it's years in advance. Yeah.

Well, that's what they offered me. They offered me a bunch of Tuesdays and Wednesdays. And they're not in like in 2020 or something. 2019. There's like Tuesdays and Wednesdays in 2019. That's all that's available? Yeah. Wow.

I was like, I can't get a Friday? Yeah. But the Belco, the place that I do normally, I like that spot. But that's like 5,000 something, whereas Red Rock is like 9,000. It's a lot. It's a lot. But you've been doing two Belkos. Two Belkos, yeah.

That's 10,000 people. No, I can do enough people, but it's just, people want to go out on Saturday night. They want to go out on Friday night. They don't want to go on fucking Wednesday. Yeah. Hike to some weird rock amphitheater. Have you been out to Red Rock? amphitheater? No. Yeah.

It's supposed to be the shit, though. Yeah, I heard it's incredible. Brian Regan was in, and he was telling me how he performed there. There's a video of it. He made like a whole film of it. Really? He loved it. He said it was amazing. Not a lot of comedians perform there, though. It's pretty It's pretty special. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's gotta be you gotta do it. Yeah.

Alright, well, let's wrap this bitch Yeah. Well, it's gotta be, you gotta do it. Yeah. All right. Well, let's wrap this bitch up. Everybody tomorrow, meaning tonight, midnight tonight, the great and powerful Tommy Bun special comes out on Netflix. Don't sleep. This is what you do. You get up early and you watch the last one first. Yeah. Mostly stories get jacked up. That'll be a warmup. And then just great disgrace why disgraceful it's how my mother described my stand-up one time she came and saw me on this tour and she saw you know like when your parents come you're like oh man yeah and uh they you know it was a good one like she came to a good show right and they came backstage and it was like my dad was like a lot of people

everybody kind of money you get something like this total dad question my mom was having we thank mom she was like amazing pero your language is like F dis porno F F is a disgrace and I was like thinking of titles and I was like

oh I love upsetting my mother so I call it disgraceful that's hilarious your mother has a strong Spanish accent very strong

that's funny yeah it's hilarious when you speak Spanish in front of me I've talked to people about it before but it's funny when you speak Spanish in front of me. I've talked to people about it before, but it's funny when you speak Spanish in front of two people that didn't expect it. Yeah, yeah.

I talk about it in the special. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I have a bit about it now. Yeah, because it throws them off guard. They're like, how do you do that? You look so white. I know, I know. And then my sisters are darker.

They have a darker Complexion than me Oh do they Yeah yeah Especially if we go like If we go in the sun For like a few days They turn into

Fucking Incas And then I just burn So Yeah it's very Just You can tell It's just genetics

I got like my dad's skin And they got hers Alright ladies and gentlemen That's it Tonight Midnight Tommy Bunz on Netflix. Don't sleep. Definitely watch it. Anything else?

Thanks, brother. I love you. Thanks for having me. I love you too, man. Thank you very much. Anytime. Bye, everybody. I will be back in a little bit with UFC welterweight champion Tyron Woodley.

See ya. Tyron here today? What?