The Joe Rogan Experience - #1067 - Whitney Cummings

Episode Date: January 23, 2018

Whitney Cummings is a stand up comedian and actress. Her new movie "The Female Brain" premieres in theaters on February 9th.

I think what you said is dead on that you got to go straight he's got to go straight african-american because white people are just not hey and we're live this is what I think we need to recognize the return of dr. Cosby and send a shout out to him and all the folks at the barbershop I'm triggered I'm triggered you were saying before the show like what do you do if you're at a comedy club and Bill Cosby walks? Because apparently Bill Cosby's doing stand-up again. Like, what do you do?

Why isn't he in jail? I'm not even trying to be funny. Why isn't this guy in jail? Well, because the first trial was, was it a mistrial? Yeah. It was a mistrial. They couldn't agree, which is hilarious. Like, I mean, how many people have to say that guy fucking drugged me and raped me?

How many people like is there some sort of. Could you imagine there's like 80 people that are telling the same story of you drugging them and raping them? And people like. So look, and here's what I'll say. Like the sucker up to you. You know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just I don't want anything black and fall and here's what I'll say. Get this sucker up to your- You know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I just, I don't want anything black and phallic near me right now. We're talking about Bill Cosby. This is too soon for this. I guess I just, you know, and it's interesting that this happened after this weekend was the Women's March. And I know like a lot of people want to roll their eyes. And I was getting a lot of shit on Instagram for like the Women's March. You guys have, this is exactly the kind of thing that I'm terrified of is that this guy is now not in jail and he's just like back to doing stand up.

Yeah. Because I don't know if we got desensitized or if we just forgot about him or we just got sick of talking about it. Like how I just don't understand how people in that club. Nobody saw it coming. I think he's first of all he has an enormous ego and he's a psychopath. Correct. And I think that he is, he's just, he has enough fans

and enough people in his community still love him, where he can go places, in small places, and they accept him, and then he's advertising it. And what is that? Is that the people that accept him with this, is it people who have their own skeletons in the closet and they see him coming back as

like, they get redemption in some way? Or maybe it makes them not be incorrigible people? Or is it like a herd mentality? Or is it just star fucking? Like, how do you rationalize that in your head? A little bit of star fucking. A little bit of dumb people. The fact that he's famous eclipses the fact that he's a psychopathic.

But then there's also, do you remember how it was right after OJ got innocent? There was a guy, and I want to say his name because I respect him. He's a comic, and he went on stage. Carrot Top. He said, no, he's a black guy. He goes, my blackness will not allow me to think that OJ did it. Interesting. I was like, what?

What the fuck did I just hear? That is insane. Okay, all black people are innocent? What if a did I just hear? That is insane. Okay, all black people are innocent? What if a black person comes in and kills your family? Will your blackness exonerate that person? How are you going to handle it then? And I don't know what the... Do you know who was in that job?

Was it all black people? I don't know anything about it. I can't read it. I'm sick to my stomach. You're going to be okay? No. I don't know if it's a black or white thing, but I think it's a culture. If you're on stage performing and there's not like a complete melee of disapproval, that's really scary to me.

It is scary. It's scary. But I think that there's a certain amount of people that get overwhelmed by celebrity. So he shows up like, I can't believe he's here. They don't want to say anything. But like if Charles Manson goes up at a jazz club, it's like he's a celebrity, So he shows up like, I can't believe he's here. They don't want to say anything. But like if Charles Manson goes up at a jazz club, it's like he's a celebrity,

but he's also a monster. Charles Manson's probably less of a monster. Here's why. I'll throw this at you. He never killed anybody. Charles Manson actually told people to kill people

and they did. And it's terrible that they did it. Like Tex Watson did all the crimes. And what was her name? Squeaky Fromm. She was the one who tried to kill Gerald Ford. They're theatson did all the crimes and um uh what was her name squeaky from she was the one who tried to kill gerald ford they they're the one who did the crimes he was just this crazy fuck who talked these people into these things he was kind of the puppet master yeah but that's what scares me raped who knows how many women and allegedly it's also yeah it's also um it just it

scares me and shakes me to my core you you know, not that a psychopath does psychopathic things, but the people who permit it and who are permissive and are okay with it and don't resist. Like the fact that a bunch of people in that club are just like, okay, we're good. Okay, we're all good. We don't really know what happened. We just know that he was there and we know that he's going to do another show. And then he announced that he was going to do some show at a jazz club. It's like today, I think. Is it today or tomorrow?

And is this jazz club, I mean, I don't know who owns it. I don't know enough about it probably to weigh in. And I'm like frozen with disgust. It's like that's the other thing. It was yesterday? Yeah. Oh, so it's already over. Yeah.

As promised, he performed at a jazz club today, but this article was yesterday. Wow. As promised. Like, oh, he's a man of his word. He might be a rapist, but he does not lie. And he was wearing that Hello Friends sweater that he always wears. What a fucking nightmare. And he's got that Bobby Brown thing on.

I don't know what that is. The microphone. I'm triggered. I'm triggered. I'm upset. I'm upset. The microphone headpiece thing. I mean, I don't know.

It's just so tricky because it's like I was getting all these nasty comments on Instagram this weekend. Well, why are you getting nasty comments? For what? Well, I think with what's going on. Right. But why are they being nasty? Because I was posting photos from the Women's March, which was the March was about a lot of things. And I think just in the last month or so, there's been a little bit of eye roll of like, oh, this is still going on.

So there's been a little bit of eye roll of like, oh, this is still going on. You know, like there's a lot of I think guys and women also who are a little bit exhausted. Or I had one guy I talked to a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine who was like, I'm done with this. What do you mean you're done with this? Sexual predators being getting in trouble and getting fired and getting cleansed from our society and possibly stopping from assaulting people in the future. And they were just like, I just feel like this has gotten ridiculous. You know, there's I think a lot of people think it's like a hysteria or it's like women being dramatic or something like that. And then something like this happens. And I'm like, oh, are we not being dramatic enough? or something like that.

And then something like this happens. And I'm like, oh, are we not being dramatic enough? Because this is crazy that he's just going on stage and performing like as if everything's just kind of fine again. Well, I think he's a bad example because I think he's nuts. And I don't think it makes any sense that he's out. I think anyone who rapes this many people is not. I think all these people are nuts. I think we're more nuts for just being like, OK, I guess he's doing comedy.

I don't think we are. I think most people are like, what in the fuck? Or outraged. Yeah, I sent it to Tom Segura and his immediate reaction was like, what? He gave me like a bunch of yous. I guess I'm thinking about

the people who are in that jazz club and the guy that owns that jazz club. Fuck you, guys. Yeah, we don't know. I mean, we don't know who these people are or what it was like. If I'm in a comedy club

and Bill Cosby gets on stage, I'm like, I gotta hear what the fuck this bitch has to say. Like, that's what I'm thinking. I'm not being like, awesome, Bill Cosby's here. So maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they think they're seeing some kind of circus show. Well, I don't think I would say anything. I don't think, I mean, I don't think it helps.

Like, I don't think I would yell out, you're a fucking rapist. I don't think I would do that, but I definitely think I would sit there and watch and like study him like some weird fucking creature, which is what he is. He's a, he's an aberration in, in humanity. Like, uh, first of all, he's an aberration a couple of ways, right? Right. He's an outlier in terms of the, the, the, the popularity he reached. He reached this insane level of popularity and he did it in the sixties and the seventies

when the world was a different place. We've talked about this a bunch of times in this podcast. I think a lot of people drugged people back then. I think it was normal. I think that dropping a Mickey in someone's drinks... It was common. Maybe not normal. Yeah, that's a better way to put it. I think a lot of people

did it. I think a lot of people... People still do it. Yeah. But I think a lot of famous people did it back then. I think they were giving out pills. I think a lot of people People still do it. Yeah. Well, but I think a lot of famous people did it back then. I think they were giving out pills and I don't think, I think culturally we've evolved way more than we are aware of.

I think we think of ourselves as being very similar to people from the 1960s. I don't think we are. I think we're way, I think if you go from like 1810 to 1870, I bet people are pretty goddamn similar. Interesting. Yes.

Okay. Good point. Yeah. Being technology is moving so fast and adapting to that and the fact that we have alarm systems. Right. 1960 to 2018, way different. Yeah. Fucking way different.

What's acceptable, how people think of things what we've just that's how people i think one of the things that's happening one of the reasons why guys are eye rolling about the women's march is is that it's a new thing and this is this overwhelming amount of energy that's headed towards this thing and but what it represents is years decades of frustration women that had to work with guys that were grabbing their ass and trying to fuck them. That's right. The pendulum swang hard. It's like it snapped fast.

And there's also, we always talk about this, and I'm obsessed with epigenetic imprinting. It's not just us. It's our moms and our grandmothers that this happened to, and we carry that pain and that suffering with us. Well, I think there's a lot of guys that say, hey, I didn't do anything. I shouldn't have to feel this. But this is the thing. These guys saying like, I'm done with this.

You're not even a part of this. Yeah. Like, how are you done with this? You don't have to go there. How is this inconveniencing you so? Like, I don't understand. Well, I guess if you're stuck in traffic. Well, I guess.

Yes. Women's March traffic. That's it. I mean, that's exactly right. So it's like a couple. I mean, you're in L.A. You're always sitting in Women's March traffic. But I feel that way about the fucking marathon. Yeah. I feel that way. When they have a marathon, I's exactly right. So it's like a couple. I mean, you're in L.A. You're always sitting in Women's March traffic.

But I feel that way about the fucking marathon. Yeah, about the marathon. Completely. And the gay pride parade and whatever. So it's like, I'm so sorry you're going to have to sit in traffic for an extra 20 minutes. But like, you know, get your Amazon drone. Why are you driving on a Saturday anyway? I get it.

I mean, it makes sense. If I was a woman who worked in an office, I'd fucking hate it. I guess I just don't understand why this is such a hassle for men. I don't understand why it's such an unless you were raping people, assaulting people, hurting people. Nothing's being taken away from you. And I feel like a lot of men think something's being taken away from them. And I don't know what that is. You know, and I'm just a little bit confused if it's unfollow me. I don't know what that is. You know, and I'm just a little bit confused. If it's unfollow me, I don't know. Unfollow me. If it's blowing up your Twitter feed and your Instagram, I just I can't wrap my

head around why this is such an inconvenience for guys. And what's so threatening about it? I don't think it's that many guys that are saying this. Most men, I think, are recognizing like that if you look at the stories, like the Harvey Weinstein one is the worst and most egregious example right I mean he's a guy that did it for decades they even enabled him pretty bad too yeah well Cosby's worse right because Cosby was like Harvey Weinstein was an obvious predator it's like hey don't don't go in the chicken coop with the wolf and here's something interesting I was also getting shit about this, about a lot of people are like, well, if you knew about Harvey,

why didn't you say something? And it's just, it's such a testament to how... Who said, someone said that to you? Yeah, like I just got some comments that were like, well, you knew about Harvey. Why didn't you say something? You know, when you knew about it 10 years ago or whatever. What did you know?

But I had heard like, oh, he like sleeps with actresses and he like makes them fuck them. But I wasn't really in that world. So I knew about it. But what was I going to But I had heard, like, oh, he, like, sleeps with actresses and he, like, makes them fuck them. But I wasn't really in that world, so I knew about it. But what was I going to call up the New York Times and be like, hey, I was on Comedy Central for 10 minutes. I have an idea. Right. You know, like, who was going to let, you know, and it's also, it's like the kind of thing where we didn't even know what we were allowed to say. And we didn't even know that there was a possibility for change or that there was a possibility that anything would be done about it.

Like that's how ingrained in our psyche it was and how we just didn't know there was anything. We just thought that's how it was. Well, first of all, you didn't know him. You didn't work under him. So he did come to the comedy store once. I think you were gone. And this isn't like my Harvey Weinstein story.

Like it's not close to how awful most of the women's stories are, but it is, I think, more like kind of funny. He came to the comedy store and I, I went on stage in the main room and then I left. And then Tommy called me and he was like, Oh, Harvey Weinstein came here to see you. He's here.

You need to come back and talk to him. And I was like, I was like already at the improv or already like whatever. And I was like, I don't want to go. And then the only reason I did not go back at first, I was like, fuck him for just like summoning me to come back.

I'm making twenty two dollars at the comedy store. Like I don't you know, and it already took me 40 minutes to get out of the comedy store parking lot. I can't go back in there. And I remember literally just being like the lighting in there is bad. I don't want him to see me. The lighting is bad. The lighting on stage is great. Like he saw me at my best and I really don't want to go see me. The lighting is bad. The lighting on stage is great. He saw me at my best, and I really don't want to go back and talk to him.

I don't know how to do small talk with producers. I'm not, you know me, I'm like a neurotic mess. I'm not good at charming and whatever. That is such a crazy way to think of things. Insane. The lighting there was perfect. Yeah. It's going to be everything after that's a disaster.

I got to go. He saw me at my best. Like, let me just get the fuck out of here. But like, I didn't know how bad it was. But I, you know, it's like the kind of thing that it's like, we didn't know what we didn't know. Don't you feel a little guilty, though? Like what you're saying, what I'm getting is that you've people saying that to you.

You feel like, oh, I didn't do it. I didn't. I'm not. Totally. I think that there's a lot of women that kind of have done nothing wrong, but we're consumed with guilt and shame like men too yeah I I'm so glad to hear you say that because I'm just not hearing a lot of that I'm not hearing a lot of empathy and maybe I'm just like zoning in on negative comments I've never had a female employee and I never worked in an office but even though you hear all this sexual harassment shit and you go did I do anything yeah you gotta

you gotta check it seems like everybody did something but it's like but we were the same this sexual harassment shit, and you go, did I do anything? Yeah. You got to check. Seems like everybody did something. But it's like, but we were the same way. It's like, I mean, I remember working on a talk show, and everyone's like, oh, well, does that count? That's not as bad as rape. Like, getting granular about it. Right.

Like, I remember I worked on a talk show, a late night talk show, and a guy came up to me in front of, like, a couple of the writers, and he took his hand and, like, put it between my butt cheeks and just went, like, swiped, and and he was like it's like a credit card machine and like everybody started laughing and of course I started laughing because I didn't I froze and I was embarrassed no he was like my co-worker like you know okay and it was just kind of a dick comedy writer and I was like what do I do what am I gonna do I mean at the time I had no concept that it was offensive I was emotionally so numb and unconscious in my 20s. Like, I didn't even think to do anything about it.

But looking back, I'm like, that was fucked up. But what was I going to call human resources and say that? There's all these little tiny things that aren't enough to be assault, but are too much to be appropriate. And it's just like a gray area that I don't, you know, it's hard for us to delineate what makes sense and what doesn't. Well, it's funny how cautious you are now. I mean, we're good friends, but we're joking around. We had these hoverboards. Yeah.

And we're rolling around these hoverboards. If I'd fallen, you would not have caught me because you didn't want to touch me. That's my fear. But what you said was hilarious. You wanted to say something about a porn that's right but you weren't sure if you could talk about it yeah because you were worried that you bringing up a porn would somehow or another be sexually harassing and i had to say like hey that doesn't work you can't do that to me like you say whatever the fuck you want i remember i'll give you license

right now publicly say whatever the fuck you want forever you can't sexually harass women feel it too like you know i don't want to well you don't look at me i'm stuttering i'm panicking exactly i don't want to be a hypocrite and um you know i've been coming back to the comedy store a lot and i hadn't been there in the last like six months i've been working on something and i noticed when i used to go to the comic store i used to feel like prey or any comedy club it was like you know people would hug you too long. And, you know, you were just waiting to kind of like have something inappropriate happen. I went in the other night.

Not one man hugged me. Everyone was like, hello, my lady. People were like bowing at me. No one would come near me like I was a fucking leper. Don L. Rawlings came up to me and gave me a hug. And halfway through, he was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Am I allowed to do that? And I was just like, oh, whoa, like this is, this is fucking crazy.

The tables have turned because it used to be women were terrified of men and now men are kind of terrified of women. Definitely guys are afraid of being called out. There's a lot of that. And a lot of guys going over there. Are you afraid if you don't have skeletons in your closet though? If you're afraid, if you don't? If you don't, are you afraid because you know you have some shit? Well, here's the thing. You don't have to have skeletons in your closet though? If you're afraid if you don't? If you don't. Are you afraid because you know you have some shit?

Well here's the thing. You don't have to have skeletons in your closet. You can just have a bad relationship where someone's mad at you. Like this Aziz Ansari thing is very bizarre. Like this seems like he went on a bad date and they took turns eating each other out and blowing each other and then she didn't

like it and she said that there was like I don't know what the fuck happened because I wasn't there yeah but there's a lot of people yeah that are picking sides on this and here's and i'm not accusing or supporting either side because i don't think there's enough information yet and it all seems very like he had one experience she had one experience and if they're both telling the truth you know who fucking knows but here's what i'll say just about my experience in my 20s as a woman is I was not fully formed yet at 22 years old. I didn't know. No one is.

I had literally no sex I wanted to have in my 20s. Well, we understand that now that the frontal lobe is not really fully formed in human beings until you're 25. Correct. So, hey, guys in your 30s and 40s, stop dating 20-year-olds. Just in general, it's just a bad idea. your 30s and 40s stop dating 20 year olds just in general it's just a bad idea you know and i think that a really um big part of the conversation that for me a blind spot is um sexual abuse uh victims so the statistics are a little foggy but like one out of six women are sexually assaulted as children and those are only the people that come forward is that real yes one out of six one out

of six is is is the statistic for people that come forward that's not even including the people that come forward. Is that real? Yes. One out of six? One out of six is the statistic for people that come forward. That's not even including the people that don't come forward, which is a lot. And not to get too serious. Did you see that fucking Olympic? I'm sorry to interrupt you, but did you see that Olympic thing? It makes me crazy. That Olympic thing is insane. The Olympic gymnastics coach or doctor, rather, that was molesting all those girls?

It makes me want to, it makes me homicidal. And when they're doing the testimony, the girls, he's saying that this is too uncomfortable for him to listen all those girls? It makes me want to, it makes me homicidal. And when they're doing the testimony, the girls, he's saying that this is too uncomfortable for him to listen to these girls? If I saw that guy on the street, I think I'd kill him with my hands. I'd have to. I would go, I would go bat your crazy.

So I don't talk about this publicly because I'm too embarrassed. That's the other thing about this. I think that guys, some guys have this idea that us being sexually harassed is like fun for us and we like want to come forward and there's some glory in it. It's embarrassing. It's awful. And I don't talk about my sexual assault publicly because I just like freeze up.

But you're very self-aware. There are people that take some sort of glory in being victimized. Maybe. I can't. I can't speak to that. I mean, what I mean by that is to the point where they will exaggerate any sort of interaction with someone. So there's people that...

But men and women, right? So here's what I'll say. That could be true. I don't know enough about the science of that. And I'm not a psychiatrist, but my experience was the opposite. I minimized mine. I didn't come to terms...

Most people do. I didn't come to terms with the fact that I was sexually assaulted until I was 32. I'm 35. Like, I just kind of figured this shit out. And there's a lot of stuff that is still blind spots that I don't want to deal with. And I was only able to write about it in my book because I just I can't talk about it publicly. Like, I freeze up.

I get weird and scared. And one of the trauma responses of if you've been sexually assaulted as a child is that when a man moves towards you or you have any kind of sexual, see, I'm like getting all nervous. When you have a sexual interaction, you freeze up because when you were sexually assaulted as a child, it didn't serve you to fight back and you had to kind of disassociate. Right. That is, that's why people get confused with it. Fight or flight. It's not just fight or flight. Freeze is a big one. I have a freeze response around sex. And I should be clear about what I'm saying so nobody misconstrues this. What I'm saying, I'm not talking about real victimization.

I'm talking about people that love to play the victim. Sure. There are a lot of people. I'm not talking about real victim. When I say that people take glory in victimization, I don't mean someone who's actually been sexually assaulted. I mean someone who may have had a weird interaction with a person when they said something to them. And by the way, I've done that.

I get bumped at the comedy store and I'm like, can you fucking believe? I got bumped. It's like, I just am getting adrenaline and dopamine from being self-righteous or having been wronged or something. I know what you mean from that perspective, but I think when it's something real, my reaction is to completely hide it.

Freezing is a big one. Yeah, so it's like for me— That's also a big one with assault. If people get not just sexual things but physical assault, one of the things that happens to people when they're confronted by someone in a dangerous situation is they panic and they freeze. They don't do anything. They literally can't move.

So if at least 20% of women have that, who knows what the fuck is going on in some of these interactions. So for me, like in my twenties, when a guy came towards me, I would freak out and people go, why didn't they say no? Why didn't they leave? Cause I'm fucking frozen and I don't know what to do. And anybody that says that has never been involved in any sort of real altercation when they're in danger. Anybody says, why didn't you just, well, you don't know why you didn't do things. Yeah. Like there's times in my life when I look back and I'm like, why didn't I fucking say something?

Yeah. Why didn't I tell that guy to fuck off? Or what? You don't know what to do. And that's a lot of, I mean, that was me in my whole twenties. Why didn't I tell him? No. Why didn't I leave?

Why didn't I tell him to stop? Like, you know, so, so a lot of it, I didn't even understand cause I was too young too. And I also, I didn't, it took me 15 years of a 12-step program and therapy and EMDR to even be able to say. What's EMDR? EMDR, eye movement reprogramming and desensitization. How the fuck would you expect anyone to know what that means where you could just yell? Here's what I'll say. Your fans are so fucking smart and like they're such neurology nerds.

Yeah, but that's off the deep end. EMDR. I've never heard of that shit in all my life. It's a post-traumatic stress disorder therapy. It was started for Vietnam vets and it helps you to sort of deactivate traumatic experiences. Have you ever done ecstasy? No. Yeah.

MDMA therapy is supposed to be amazing for people that have gone through trauma. I've been told about this. I'm going to go to Coachella next year and try that. I don't know if that's the place. But it's supposed to be amazing for people that have gone through real traumatic experiences that are just so ingrained in their mind. Like the memories of those experiences are ingrained with trauma and horrible feelings. And somehow or another MDMA therapy allows people to separate from that and lose the trigger and like lose this

reoccurring. That sounds like a way more fun way to do it because EMDR is like you sort of have to relive the memory and then other shit gets unearthed and things start clicking into focus. Well the reason why they call it ecstasy is because that's literally what you feel. You feel so much love and what hit, I only did it once. It just floods your brain with dopamine? Yes. And I only did it once. But the thing that stunned me was how

comparatively insecure I am in regular life. Comparatively insecure. Can you say that? Comparatively insecure compared to when you're on ecstasy. Oh, you have no inhibitions and zero. You're so friendly and so warm and so affectionate. But you're always like that. I try to be. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're on ecstasy, you really realize like all the hitches in your personality, all the things that are holding you back. It made me, I only did it once, but it made me completely aware of insecurity that I didn't even know existed. That's fascinating. Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah. Do it. You trip out. It's very interesting. I'm super into it. You trip out. It's very interesting.

I'm super into it. I had another friend recommend that and I'd be down because it's also like, you know, and something else I'll say not to speak for all women, like I'm not the face of all women, but like with this administration, if you're a sexual trauma survivor, seeing this fucking guy on the news every day can be really triggering. Did you see his post about the Women's March? His Twitter post was hilarious. Joe, I literally can't read the news anymore

because I'm too activated and I'm just, I'm going crazy. I'm way too activated. Seeing a sexual predator or someone I deem to be a sexual predator with all the women that have come forward in the news every day is activating my trauma response. I think he's a predator. I don't think it's

just sexual. I think he's a predator in business. I think he's a predator. I don't think it's just sexual. In general, he's a predator. I think he's a predator in business. I think he's a predator in politics. I think he's... I mean, if you look at the way he campaigned, you know, like about the Hillary Clinton, lock her up, lock her up. Yeah.

He's predatory. Yes, correct. He's a bully. Yeah, well, he's a fucking winner. I hate to say it that way. Can I tell you, and I was... Do you remember, I think it was, I don't know, was the primaries or... it was like when Ben Carson was still in the mix and

they were all lined up. And I remember seeing, and this was when we all thought it was like a joke and he called all of them out. He was like, you've asked me for money and you've asked me for money and you've asked me for money. And I was like, that's fucking hot. Like this, the reptilian brain was like, oh shit, like that guy's a fucking winner and he's not scared of anything and with the sound off i'm like that's the alpha if shit hits the fan i'm following that guy he's old he's lived a long life yeah he's on speed he's a lot of money and there's all these reports that he's on diet pills do you believe that syphilis dairy i don't know that that when you look this up, V?

As if you haven't already today. Do you know the diet pill thing, though? No. Are you aware of this? Is that like caffeine? Or is it like Adderall? Yes. Well, he's on some sort of amphetamines, apparently, according to several sources.

One of them that tracked his prescription from Dwayne Reed Pharmacy in New York from a few years back, that he was on this one type of amphetamine for like eight years. Do you have to take drug tests if you're the president? No. I don't even know. No, you don't. Wow.

No. This is amazing. Wow. You have to take a drug test if you work for UPS. Wow. You don't have to take a drug test if you have the fucking nuclear football. How is that not a thing? Yeah.

Well, I don't know. Meanwhile, Jeff Sessions is fucking trying to take pot away from everybody. And Donald Trump's popping pills. I don't know if he's really popping pills. I just should say this. But what I've read is that what he's taking, what they believe he's taking is. Do you remember Fen-Phen? No. Fen-Phen was some shit that went on in the 90s.

It was a diet pill that they had to stop taking because it was super effective for people. But it was essentially speed. They lost their appetite and they started, and everybody lost weight. Dexatrim? Do you remember that diet pill? I took that like when I was in high school and had an eating disorder. That's similar. All these things are similar because they're amphetamines.

They're speed. They're all stimulants. And there's one of the ingredients in fen-phen. When the two of them are combined together, fen-fen is two different things. And see if you can find that story about what they think that he's on. But it gives you delusions of grandeur. That's the thing. Like literally one of the symptoms.

First of all, think about the amount of energy this guy had running for president, giving these long speeches. He's tireless. Never seemed tired. Yeah. Rumored. Doctor prescribed Donald Trump cheap speed. Look at this fucking picture. Yeah. Rumored. Doctor prescribed Donald Trump. Cheap speed. Look at this fucking picture.

That picture's amazing. Who made that picture? I'm triggered. I'm triggered. Who's Jim Cook? Jim Cook, you're a fucking wizard. Whoever you are. His neck looks like a fucking elephant ear. My applause.

That made me laugh hard. The orange is perfect. It's like such a, but just exaggerate just enough. The eyes. I'm glad you're enjoying this. He looks like you're a rock salt lamp. You gotta be able to laugh while this is going on. You can't freak out.

Okay. Rumors of Trump's predilection, I love that word, predilection for stimulants, first started really popping up in 1992 and just by magazine road. You ever wonder why Donald Trump has acted so erratically at times full of energy, of manic energy, paranoia, and wow, what is that word? Garouyulous? What is it? Garouyulous. Garouyulous?

You ever use that word? Garouyulous is like, I thought like cheerful, like garouyulous. Well, you're speeded up. Well, he was a patient of Dr. Joseph Greenberg's from 1982 to 1985. At the time, Dr. Greenberg was notorious for allegedly doling out prescription stimulants to anyone who would pay, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, diet drugs, which Trump took in pill form. How can you be on diet drugs and also be fat?

Because he's eating a lot of terrible things. Okay, this is the stuff. Okay, fen-fen. It's called fen-ter-amine. First gained notoriety in the U.S. under the name Phenphen, a miracle combination of Phentermine and Phenfluramine, another established anti-obesity drug. The two of them together.

The only problem was when the patients taking the drug began reporting damage to their hearts and lungs, apparently the combination destroyed the patient's body. So he's not taking both of them. He's taking one. Phentermine on its own, however, is still prescribed. Trouble with thinking, speaking, or walking, decreased ability to exercise,

false or unusual sense of well-being, insomnia, nervousness. This is my suicide note. Increase in sexual ability, desire, drive, and performance. That's not true. Confusion. Sure. I mean, so this is doctor prescribed. Yes.

This is what I think. Why wouldn't you just take Adderall? Well, that's a good one. Yeah. But it's the same thing. Got it. Will you look up the syphilis theory, Trump? Adderall is essentially like incredibly similar.

There it is. Medical theory. Many mental health professionals believe the president is ill, but what if the cause is an untreated STD? So apparently syphilis, untreated, creates reddening of the face, manic behavior. I can't read this part. But his face is pale. It's orange skin color. Oh, is that self-tanner?

Yeah, if you look at his eyes. Syphilis? That's why his eyes are white. All around his eyes, like a raccoon, they're white. Okay, it's characterized by the development of an ulcer, usually genital, a few weeks and a few months after sexual contact with the infected person. If the ulcer is not noticed, not... Secondary stage of the disease is seen in some patients.

Weeks or months later, these patients may develop a variety... Thank you. Look at you. You're leaning towards it. You're so obsessed. Because I can't see. I want to get to the... It's right behind you, too.

Oh, I can't swivel. I hurt my back. I told you that. I hurt my back on your fucking segue. Just trying to impress you. I'm suing you. You didn't even fall. I'm suing you.

We have video cameras everywhere in this place. And you know how to use a bow and arrow. I'm not suing you. You didn't even fall. I'm suing you. We have video cameras everywhere in this place. You're not getting a goddamn penny out of me. And you know how to use a bow and arrow. I'm not suing you. Neuropsychiatric disorder. Neurosyphilis. Symptoms of neurosyphilis are protein. That means like changing.

Varying widely from one individual to another. Irritability. Loss of ability to concentrate. Delusional thinking and grandiosity. Memory, insight, and judgment can become impaired. Maybe he's got everything and they're duking it out inside of his system. He got syphilis in the fucking 80s from Stormy Brown, whoever. And now he's fucking got delusional thinking and grandiosity.

Okay. Stormy Brown right now is pissed off. And then it also makes your hair fluffy and just exactly like his. Yeah, but he's fucking 90 years old. You're going to lose your hair. There's like a history of his hair. Look at all those girls. I banged her, I banged her, I banged her, and I banged her.

I came on her feet. That's kind of amazing. Anyway, so I mean, you can see why we're all a little triggered. Yeah, but I don't think, I think people are reaching for straws. I mean, he just got, that was interesting, the doctor that examined him, examined him and said that if he had a good diet, he'd live to be like 200 years old. He's got just great genes.

That doctor that examined him, I was like, this doctor... Who is this doctor? The guy that killed Michael Jackson is his doctor? Who is this guy? But here's the thing. After he did that, then Sanjay Gupta examined the actual results. And Sanjay Gupta said,pta said well no there's actually an issue here and the issue is something to do with arteries and something to do with the potential

for a future stroke or heart attack and he was going on he was basing it on actual test results and obviously i don't know jack shit about medicine but see if you can find out what he said. He's a common form of heart disease. Yeah, see, scroll up and see if you can find what it said there. Yeah, here it is. This is what it is. Dr. Ronny Jackson disclosed Trump's basic lab measurements, physical exam, and the conclusion of a cognitive exam known as the Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

Additionally, the president had an echocardiogram of his heart as well as a stress test. Both described as normal. Although it's not a part of the official medical records that were released yesterday, after further questioning, Jackson also revealed that Trump underwent coronary calcium CT scan. Now, this is it. His score was 133, and anything over 100 indicates plaque is present and that the patient has heart disease. According to Trump's official records, in 2009, his coronary calcium score was 34. Does the president have an obligation to be in shape?

I mean, wasn't Robert Taft, like, notoriously obese? Like, do you have to be in shape to be the president? I don't know the answer. That's a good question. Like, are there certain boxes you have to be in shape to be the president? I don't know the answer. That's a good question. Like, do you, are there certain boxes you have to check? But what I'm getting out of this is it's Sanjay Gupta, who is an unconnected third party, who is unbiased, is going basically just off of these coronary calcium CT scans. Yeah.

And what he's showing is the difference between how it was in 2009, which was 34, 2013, which is 98, and then 2018, which is 133. So you're saying it's increased, basically doubled every couple years. It's bad. Everything over 100 indicates heart disease. I'm not going to say anything else bad. I'm worried I'll get death threats. Were you worried that you want him to get this? No, I just, you know.

Just go ahead and say it. No one's listening. What's that? I yelled millions of fucking people. You know, but I think that's the other thing. I think we're all sort of just, just especially angry. Like when you were talking about the pendulum swinging so hard of women, it's like having to see this constantly every day in the news.

This guy is, it's, it's hard. It's really hard and depressing. Trying to be objective. This is what I find fascinating about it, is that obviously this is an aberration. Like no one's ever seen something like this before. No one's ever seen a president. There's a video that was on, go to the typical liberal Instagram page. There's a video of him saying no one is better at blank than him and it's

like a video that was actually put together by people to mock him but the Trump supporters actually love it yeah play this because 24 things nobody is better at than Trump nobody can do it like me nobody nobody can do it like this nobody's stronger than me nobody has better toys than I do. There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am. Nobody loves the Bible more than I do. Nobody builds walls better than me. Nobody's better to people with disabilities than me.

Nobody's fighting for the veterans like I'm fighting for the veterans. There's nobody that's done so much for equality as I have. There's nobody more pro-Israel than I am. There's nobody more conservative than me. There's nobody that respects women more than I have. There's nobody more pro-Israel than I am. There's nobody more conservative than me. There's nobody that respects women more than I do. Nobody would be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump. Nobody's ever had crowds like Trump has had.

There's nobody that understands the horror of nuclear. But here's the thing. Before the internet, you could say shit like this and get away with it because no one could check you on it. He belongs in the 1800s when you could just lie to crowds of people and they couldn't corroborate it. I know what it means. Nobody knows more about trade than me.

Nobody knows the game better than I do. Nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much about infrastructure as Donald Trump. Nobody can do it like me. I feel like people who actually do know shit do the opposite. They're like, look, I'm not a scientist. I don't know that much about this. Or are more humble about it. I wish he wasn't president because I love him.

I love what a character he is. He's entertaining. He's fascinating. But that's fascinating. But he has power is the problem. Yeah, that's the problem. And he's doing horrible things with it. As just a character and as the host of a reality show, he's a gem.

I mean, he's such a freak. Oh, to be on a reality show, great. Sign me up. But to be running the most powerful country in the world, well, I don't know, maybe China is now, but is really, really scary. Well, it's just fascinating, the supporters, too. Like, I love reading his supporters, because I'm always trying to figure out which ones are Russians.

Oh, interesting. Like, how many of these are Russian bots? A lot of them are women. There's a few that are women. How many of these are Russian bots? A lot of them are women. There's a few that are women. But what are those girls? A lot of women voted for him. What's the deal with those girls? You know, here's what I'll say.

And I have some family who voted for him who are in, you know. Exile. No, they're just in working class. And their whole thing is like, we don't care. All we care about is the bottom line in our jobs it's actually kind of a luxury um and that's i i think a fair flaw with what's happening with this you know women's you know movement conversation is right now the people getting the most visibility are fucking millionaires you know that's sort of the for the most part who's speaking up right now and like you know that's what time's up is for to enfranchise

people who don't have the kind of resources to just be like you know, that's what Time's Up is for, to enfranchise people who don't have the kind of resources to just be like, you know what, you're mistreating me. I'm going to quit my job. You know, a lot of people can't quit their job and they have to tolerate sexual harassment and whatever. And they don't really have a choice in the matter. They have to stay in bad relationships because they can't afford to get their own place or whatever. But all they heard was jobs. Their thing is like, we don't care anything about his character. We think all politicians are assholes. We just want jobs.

And that's what he said he was going to promise. And he lied, you know, so they were just like sort of played. Well, isn't there more jobs now than ever before? And isn't the unemployment as low as it's ever been? But he was but he was promised. I mean, health insurance. I think they also thought they were going to get this like magical health insurance reform, which they didn't get. But there was also he was promising like coal mine jobs.

Which is so crazy. A lot of my family members like we're going to work in coal mines. I'm like, you realize that's 50,000 jobs. And it's starting to become obsolete. So he promised kind of jobs that I think the pipeline and shit like that. So I think that, you know, and they just watch Fox News and they believe everything that's when they think like liberal news is a lie, you know. So I think it's like the kind of jobs that they promised. And I know and I think that you're exactly right.

It's like their whole thing is unemployment going up is what helps women because more women can get jobs. But isn't it a case where when when you see like unemployment and how more people are doing better than before and the economy is doing better than it's ever been before? Isn't this like a natural cycle? Wasn't it already charting in that direction when Obama was leaving office? I was going to say, I think it's the president that's like four years prior that usually is what caused it. Because you can't just become president and then all of a sudden there's more jobs. It's something that has to start a little bit earlier.

I'm not saying Obama, I don't know enough about it. When Obama got into office, everybody was blaming him. Correct, even though that's probably what the president before him caused. Here it goes. The economy gained a net 11.5 million jobs. The unemployment rate dropped below the historical norm. Average weekly earnings for all workers

were up 4.1% after inflation. The gain was 3.7%. Just production and non-supervisory employees after tax. Corporate profits also set records as the stock profits S&P 500 index rose 166 percent. There was some story about how the tax break that we got here because of Trump that people got, that California was going to somehow or another impart some sort of a 10% surcharge to counterbalance that.

And I was like, what? But then they said it was all going to social programs. So I'm like, well, that's a good thing. I'm all for paying more taxes if those taxes can go to poor communities. That's what I feel like. I feel like if there's one thing that we need to concentrate on in this country, it's people that are disenfranchised and live in poor communities that don't feel like there's any hope.

And then setting up community centers, setting up some education programs, setting up safe places where kids can go and they don't have to worry about gang violence and shit and just making it safer for people and giving them more opportunities to possibly get out of that fucking horrible cycle of unemployment and fucking welfare and crime that so many people are stuck in. And I completely agree. And when I think about that, I'm like, oh, you know, and this is just my point of view because of what I come from. And maybe it's being a woman, a female brain, whatever. But like when I hear that, I'm like the thing that perpetuates that cycle is having kids too soon and having a lack of access to birth control and education and this administration is a huge threat to that an enemy to that so i'm like what right but why what's up to you faster

than a kid well is that just a straight up republican pull this thing i'm so sorry i always have this problem don't have it like i always do this why what does this say about me put it make it like a fist it does do any of your other guests have this problem? Okay. Okay, good. Okay. I used to do it before I did a podcast. I do radio shows.

They'd always yell at me because I wasn't in the mic. But why is it a Republican thing? It's always a Republican thing to try to deny women birth control, to try to restrict abortion. This is always a Republican thing. Because I think it probably boils down to religion. Yes. And I still can't understand why religion is the reason that people think women have to be cows. But he was never religious.

This is what's so crazy. Yeah, well, he used to. I mean, I think a lot of it's kind of like he's conveniently now super pro-life or something. Nobody likes the Bible more than I do. Nobody. Nobody hates abortion more than me. I wish I could do an impression. I can't do an impression.

I was just thinking. I need to learn how to do it. You don't. You don't. It's chilling. I wish I could do an impression. I can't do an impression. I was just thinking. I need to learn how to do it. You don't. You don't. It's chilling. I don't want to hear it. Last thing we need is more fucking Trump impressions at the comedy store. I'm good.

Steve Byrne has a really good one. Really? It's really good. I would not have seen that coming. I know. I didn't see it coming either. He did it the other night. I went, whoa.

He nails it. That's kind of amazing. Yeah. He nails it. Yeah. I have to process that later. He did it the other night. I went, what? He nails it. That's kind of amazing. He nails it. Yeah. I have to process that later. He does the finger thing. That's great. I mean, Alec Baldwin's is like fucking just next level. But yeah, I think it's religiously sort of based and hubris based.

I mean, just the idea that women shouldn't have control over their own bodies. It's just like, why do you want me to have kids that I'm not ready for? It depletes our economic system. It means everyone else has to pay more taxes. It puts more people on welfare, all the things that Republicans hate. Do you think that it's a vulnerability thing? They like women to be vulnerable? Maybe. Maybe. And they want control over people. Control over, yeah, complete control over people they've never met. Why do you want to control the uterus of a woman that lives 10 states down from you? How does that benefit you?

I think there's a sick thing that people have where they want to control people in a lot of ways. I think that's a lot of when you see people that are trying to control people's language, when you see people that are trying to restrict- Don't say this. Say this word. Don't say this word. I think there's a weird instinct that we need to address when you, outside of ideology,

outside of political lines that you cross cross there's a weird instinct that people have to try to control people. It's just a fear based thing or it's a habit I just think it's a thing that people do. They don't have much control of themselves and they want to control their people and I think this is where bullying comes from and I think this is where a lot of what sexual harassment

and just the entitlement the way bosses behave when they're employed. Like this is one of the things about Harvey Weinstein that I found fascinating is that he would bark at his employees. They would run and they were terrified. And I used to date a girl and she was, when I first came to L.A., wonderful woman, beautiful, perfect personality, terrified of her boss. She worked as an agent's assistant. She couldn't have been a nicer person.

And this girl would wake up in the middle of the night terrified that her agent that she was working for needed her to do something. She would freak out. She was like constantly worried. And this guy, I mean, she made terrible money. It was constant stress. And she would work insane hours. I mean, she made terrible money.

It was constant stress. And she would work insane hours. I mean, she would make like $400 a week. And she was working fucking insane hours. Yeah, this is before they had the rules of, you know. I don't know what she really made. I'm just guessing. She was always broke. And then my questions for you are Stockholm Syndrome, super real thing.

Yes. And then what was her relationship with her dad? Was she recreating her childhood circumstances? It wasn't good. Done that. It wasn't good. Yeah, the relationship with her dad was very bad. And then the abidinatic imprinting

it's it's only till very very recently that we were not completely dependent on men for our survival and that you guys weren't killing us in the streets like it's so recent in terms of human evolution and you know I did this movie with Neil Brennan and we wrote

it's called the female brain and it's about all the shit because I'm obsessed with figuring out and you're so good at delineating what's nature and what's nurture, what's a choice and what's not, what's biologically, neurologically driven and what's socially constructed. That's my fascination in life. And like when all this stuff happens, I'm always trying to figure out this kind of behavioral stuff. And then that it talks a lot about epigenetic imprinting. So it's like, even if your girlfriend at the time had not gone through some sort of trauma with a man, her mom certainly did.

And then her mom's mom certainly did. And she carries that with her. So all of a sudden you're in 2016 and a man's yelling at you. And it's like flashback to 1850 when like one of your ancestors was being fucking murdered by a guy. You know, like we just don't think

about that kind of stuff. But what I meant to say is, Neil had, we used to have the storyline that was about sexual harassment. We ended up kind of changing it. It's the Cecily Strong and Blake Griffin storyline about her, because women are generally wired for consensus. We get dopamine from consensus, right? Because we are on a show that kind of encourages, you know, healthy discourse. And I know you guys a little bit and I feel safe here, but in general, in a work environment, I'm going to try to get everyone to agree because 2000 years ago, getting everyone to agree made my life safer. If I'm eight months pregnant, I need protection from the whole tribe and I want everyone to agree. I'm going to pretend I agree with things that

maybe I actually don't. That makes sense. We get dopamine from harmony because I'm less able to defend myself, especially with men. I need you to like me because I need your protection. We're not that different. I mean, 200 years ago, I needed your protection. Like my brain has not caught up to the fact that like it's illegal for you to attack me and rape me now. That doesn't mean anything though. I think it means something to our reptilian brains. But the illegal part

doesn't mean anything in terms of no one's going to save you. Totally. Correct. That's correct. You could kill me whenever you wanted but 200 years ago it was like there was no phones to even call to report anything. It was just much more common I suppose. But what I'm saying is that today

that anyone saying that that fear is alleviated because there's laws against it is crazy. Totally. Because those fears are always there. Completely. In my reptile brain, just in my conscious brain, I'm sort of like, okay, it's less likely that this is going to happen because we all have this illusion of being civilized, you know? That's all horseshit.

I get nervous when I interview Francis Ngannou after a fight. Like, when I had to interview him Saturday night because he's 265 pounds and six foot four and he smashes people's heads in for a living and I stand next to him and I feel like a little tiny person. There's just no getting around that.

And here's the thing. And that's why it's like that. And he likes me. I know he's not going to do anything to me. But exactly what you're saying to me right now is what I'm trying to explain to people that are like, I don't understand the fucking women's movement.

Why are you guys freaking out in the office? It's not like we're- Yeah, stop talking to those people. It's like, what are we going to rape you? It's like, yeah, maybe. I don't get in fucking women's movement. Why are you guys freaking out in the office? You gotta stop talking to those people. It's like, what, are we going to rape you? It's like, yeah, maybe. I don't get in elevators with guys. I just, I wait for the next one. I'm scared.

We have tribal thinking. And this is right now, there's tribal boundaries that are being established on the male and female side and people are picking sides. And there's a bunch of men that are annoyed that people are talking too much about women. And there's a bunch of women that are saying, now it's my time to be a fucking crazy bitch and go crazy and attack all these men and take that. We're not trying to go crazy. But there are some.

But there are some. Okay, maybe I don't know them. What I'm saying is, see you saying that right there. We are not trying to do this. That's a crazy thing to say because you're not all women. Because I'm looping us all in together. I'm not all men. I guess I just don't know anybody like that. I do. I don't

who, where? On Instagram? I know some crazy people. Women? Yeah, I follow a lot of really insane people on Instagram. There's a lot of, like there was a woman that was, she's like an editor for Vogue or something like that that said, here's an unpopular opinion. I am not at all concerned with men

being falsely accused of sexual harassment or sexual assault. And that's irresponsible. But they exist. Those people exist. There's the burn it all down people. That fuck them or burn it all down. But they're not going to succeed.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's inherently tribal. This is a tribal thing. And it's not, there's no nuance to that. There's no consideration of all the different kinds of men. There's a lot of men that are considerate and friendly and nice. And they don't, and they're concentrating on themselves and they don't want anything bad to happen to anybody else.

But then there's men who are like, fuck these bitches. Yeah. Fuck all women. Oh, they're all whores, bitch. And they listen to rap music. Like. Yeah. I've been listening to a lot of like really bad rap music lately.

That is one of the rare places. Yeah. Where you could still just be a straight up misogynist totally and then do you think and i'm always and i don't know the answer to this do you think because i think porn definitely affects our psyche and how we view dehumanized women just just right especially young people watching it do you think that a rap song going destroy that shit murder that shit beat that pussy up do you think that a rap song going, destroy that shit, murder that shit, beat that pussy up, do you think that that affects the way men view women on like a cellular level?

It's impossible that it doesn't. It's impossible. When you have something that's incredibly popular and you're repeating the words to it over and over again, I don't know what percent of an effect it has on a 20-year-old brain, again. I don't know what percent of an effect it has on a 20 year old brain. Whether it has a 5% effect over your parenting and what your life experiences

have been or all the various different variables that come into your psyche. What makes you a human being? I don't know. But that's a factor. It's a factor. And what happens when you hear beat that pussy?

Why do you guys cheer for that? Aren't we also kind of on some level wired to protect? Why isn't it like I'm not? Is that a tampon tattoo? Is that a tampon tattoo? Yes, it is. What is that? No, it's a safety pin.

Oh, okay. I'm trying to figure out what the fuck that tattoo is on your wrist. And I was like, does she have a tampon tattooed on her wrist? That would be hilarious. What kind of monster do you think I am? What kind of monster would get a safety pin? Burn it all down. Why do you have a safety pin?

It's like a personal thing. Okay. It's too much of a bummer. You don't want me to tell you. Most of my tattoos are white. I have white ones everywhere. What? You are fucking crazy.

Here's what I will say. Is that burn it all down people? Most of my tattoos are white. I want the pain, but I don't want anybody to see it. You have fucking 5,000 tattoos. You're covered. Why am I crazy? Because you can't see mine.

I'm crazy too. I'm not saying I'm not crazy. I don't think you're crazy. I'm probably pretty crazy. Really? Yeah. You hide it very well. Well, I manage it.

Or you channel it. You manage it in healthy ways. You get it out. Oh, if I didn't manage it. If you didn't work out every day, would you just be murdering people in the streets? I would probably have been in jail a long time ago. You would be like breaking apes out of zoos and fighting them. I don't think that.

But I think I would have done something really stupid a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that there's a lot of men that have terrible genetics and instincts and environments that they grow up in. And there's a lot of violence in your life. And you either find a way through that. For me, the way through it was martial arts. If I didn't find martial arts, who knows?

And I think that is one of the best ways for men to not be pieces of shit. Because I think a lot of the way people behave is through insecurity. Totally. So find pride in other things so that you have and do ecstasy. That'll help too. But give you some security and give you an outlet for your aggression and give you some humility. Like in martial arts, you get humility. You get strangled all the time.

You learn humility. Right, right. You get real humble real fast. You can't have an ego. You let it go. You do it to them. They do it to you. Everybody does. And you hug. And there's like real genuine love and affection between the guys that I do jujitsu with. man acts in a way that's violent or whatever I'm like what's the root of that what's going on what happened in his childhood like what's going on

biologically or genetically or like what has he been taught like he was failed somehow if a guy feels the need to like rape a woman someone failed him or he's a sociopath and just should be locked up or is mentally ill but like he saw it from his dad he learned it hurt people hurt people so it's like when a woman says like all men should I don't care if they're like I'm like what happened to her that made her think that that's an OK. That's her paradigm. She probably met a bunch of fucking assholes. And that was something went wrong.

Yeah. It was probably guys that she grew up with guys that were in her life. Maybe it was sexual trauma. Step her stepdad. There's a lot of variables. And I guess I'm just trying to start a conversation that's like, let's explore what happened back then and how do we sort of stop that shit from going on. Right. Whether it's like sexual abuse, physical abuse, whether it's like the messages we get growing up of like, and I don't know how you parent your kids, but the idea of like, all I heard growing up was calm down, relax. It's fine. Be seen.

Like the messages that we give kids. Calm down, relax. About what? Anything. Anytime I cried or I was injured or whatever, it was calm down. You're overreacting. That's what I heard as a kid growing up. And that bothered you?

I think it did. Were you overreacting? It caused me. I mean, I was a kid. Right. I don't know. When kids cry. But don't you think that kids should be assured? Like, it it's just a small boo-boo you're gonna be fine i think

it depends i think normally what kids do when they're crying is they're just testing to see how available you are to them right so when you go calm down everything's fine sort of let me tell you i don't know someone who has kids yeah they do that but then they also recognize that it's a way that they can get attention so they will overreact on purpose about things. You have to know the difference. Yes. They will have fits if they don't go to the movie they like to see. Sure. Like if my two daughters want to go see a movie and one of them wins and the other one starts throwing a temper tantrum, you got to go look.

We're going to go see a fun movie. Right. Like you can't get pissed off. Next time you'll get to choose. Yeah. This is crazy. You can't stomp your feet and cry. But she's seven.

Yeah, totally. You know, but this is like I have a chance to explain to her that these feelings are natural. Like, you're going to win some, you're going to lose some, but you can't hold on to that. You got to let it go and realize, oh, we're still going to go to see a fun movie.

Right. It's just not going to be this one. It's going to be that one. Right. And, you know, for whatever reason, we made a decision. Sure.

We try to be as fair as possible, but you can't have fucking temper tantrums over. All the time. Oh, we're going to the wrong restaurant. Ah! That, you know we try to be as fair as possible, but you can't have fucking temper tantrums over all the time Oh, we're going to the wrong restaurant That you know kids do that sure that's because they're little kids They're recognizing that there's some influence that they have some power over you And then I'm gonna see how much power I can get you know and how much attention I can get and how much I can Play you so you just have to figure out the difference I think for me I learned to invalidate my own reality

and stuff my feelings. I remember a specific moment where I was like, you can't rely on adults. They won't help you. Figure it out yourself. Or don't have those feelings or invalidate those own feelings.

You know, and I think there's probably a, that's bad parenting. You don't want your kid to go like, if I'm hurt, don't tell anyone. Well, parenting is fucking confusing because you try to figure out what bad parenting you received received i was lucky in that my parents were very busy so i didn't get a lot of parenting yeah me too same way so it wasn't it wasn't like i got bad parenting i didn't

get bad parenting yeah but i didn't get anybody who was mean to me yeah i just got yeah i was alone a lot i was but then i found things to occupy my time so that literally became like those obsessions that i that i developed when i was young with various things whether it was art or martial arts or whatever those things became my vehicles for developing my human potential yeah and that do you think you got a lot of eye contact as a kid i never thought about that until just now apparently that's a big of eye contact as a kid? I never thought about that until just now. Apparently that's a big one. Eye contact. Eye contact and physical touch in the first couple of years. We're affectionate. My family's always been affectionate. It's always been huggy. Yeah. You know, and I'm real huggy with my family too. I think, and I'm huggy with my friends too. I'm just, I think that's super

important. And I think it's also very important to tell your friends, like I tell everybody I love them. Yeah, that's awesome. I mean, I know I got really into John Bowlby's theory of attachment because I couldn't make eye contact until like two years ago. Like I would always kind of look here. Really? Yeah. This is how I used to always look at people. And then I just recently started making eye contact.

And it still makes me a little bit uncomfortable. It's like a muscle. But I had something called infant maternal disruption, which is basically you just didn't get enough eye contact. So apparently the amount of eye contact. How do you know this? Because I can't make it now. But isn't that just insecure? I used to get real insecure.

I've talked about this before. Talking to a bank teller, I'd freak out. Why? I'd get nervous. I was nervous. Only bank tellers are just, that's an example. I remember being in the bank, getting ready to deposit a check, and in line, there's two people ahead of me. That's because it was the old times of the comedy store.

You didn't know if it would go through. No, it was before, way before then. It was before I did comedy. Did it have anything to do with a man or a woman? No, no, didn't matter. I just was nervous talking to people. That's so interesting. I like that, too.

Like, the first couple of minutes you talk to me all the time, I get a little shake, like I'm socially awkward in the beginning and then I sort of settle in, but I do get a little shaky when I first talked to people even now. Well, I feel that with you. I feel like I have to say we're friends. I love you. We're friends. And you're like, we're friends, right? Yes, we're friends. Like right away was the thing with the porn and the hoverboards. You're like, this this is totally i really shouldn't bring this up like what are you talking about i get say whatever the fuck you want to say i get um you know and i and i also have this condition called codependence i'm working on it um but i'm fucking dealing with it it's expensive to handle it's very time consuming to rewire your brain around it but when i first meet someone it's like a you it's like a chameleon response

where it's like um when you grow up in in an alcoholic home or if you have codependence, the first thing you do is you meet someone and you kind of try to figure out what they want. And then you morph to become what makes them comfortable. So I still have to fight that response sometimes, especially with men. Especially with men. And then with women. Men do that too, though. Men do that for sure. Like, are you into football?

Are you into baseball? Like, who is this guy? And how am I going to make him like me? That's kind of what codependence is. Well, men do that with other men, but they also do that with women. They'll become like what the woman wants. Like women will. I see it a lot of times with my friends with the way they dress.

Like the woman will come along. Yeah. Well, also women will mold men. Like women will get men into shape. Like you should just lose some of this love handle, honey. Well, that's like in a relationship. I just mean like when I first meet someone my instinct is kind of like how do i make and especially with it it has taken me so long to not be funny when i'm not doing stand-up because

like the first my first instinct is make this person laugh make them like you and i kind of have to like manually be like just turn that shit off you're not five and you're not trying to get the approval of your dad like not your dad not your dad turn it off but what if you just see something funny you're still free enough to just be funny i can do that but it's like my motive is not i'm trying to make this person like me my motive is just on all the time totally you know those people who are on all the time brian callan just say his name just say his name but brian i feel like genuinely brian isn't trying to get anyone to prove all this. No, he loves. Because he's not getting it.

Well, he's just really funny and he loves being that. Brian is at his best. That's correct. And I said this before. There's an innocence to it. He's at his best in a group of people. Correct. Not on stage.

That's really funny. He's at his best around 20 people. If you've got 20 people and they're going somewhere, Brian's like, guys, guys, guys, I just want to show you something real quick. Just call my cock. He'll just be this, he's fucking, I've never met anybody that makes me laugh harder just in

groups of people other than Joey Diaz. But Joey Diaz is the opposite. Joey Diaz is not trying to do that. He's just naturally, it's not a performance. I just wonder if Brian Callen knows the difference anymore. Like, is there a certain point where you don't even, you can't even tell when you're performing and when you're not?

It's like just he's morphed. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care. Yeah. He has a bizarre ability to not care if people are upset at him. It's like he's got this weird, almost Peter Pan-like way of moving through life. It's correct. I am in therapy and a 12-step program to get the inner monologue of Brian Callen.

If I could just have an iota of the self-esteem that he has. Do you meditate? I do. I lost my dad last year and meditate like suddenly and my meditation, I started getting too sad. Like I couldn't close my eyes for 20 minutes. So I've stopped for the past like six months, but I'm trying because I need to build those neural pathways.

Well, I feel like you're always, do you know that feeling when you're running down a hill where it's super hard to stop? Yes. You know, like you have like this momentum. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're still up, but it's fucking, it's tricky. That's how I feel you are. Like you're running on a slight angle.

You know, you're not flat. Yeah. It's not, you're always like a little. flat yeah it's not you're you're always like a little i'm fucking i am sometimes um i think in the last yeah i agree i'm trying to answer in a way that uh makes you seem wrong but i realize you're you're pretty right and i think that also in the last couple years that we've gotten to know each other i haven't been doing as much stand-up and when i don't do stand-up I get a little manic. I think that stand-up serves a really important like release and catharsis purpose where I'm much more calm when I'm not performing when I do stand-up regularly. You get it out right you get out those thoughts these these

antagonistic and protagonistic thoughts all these dear weird little ideas that are wrestling in your head like you could put them into a comedy form and then deliver them on stage. It's a very cathartic way of releasing ideas sometimes. And then when the audience laughs, you know, and you're like, oh, I nailed this. I'm onto something here. I got it. And there's just, I think that, you know, and again, I, and not to beat the, I come

from a, we all do tricky home. And I think that my brain seeks control or even a false sense of control soothes it and when I do stand up you kind of get to have control for at least the 20 minutes or an hour that you're on stage and everything feels like it's in order I know my place you know your place is a very clearly defined rules I'm talking you're

laughing I'm talking you're laughing and that makes me feel really calm whereas going through the world with like I don't know who you are you're dangerous I don't you know like I have a hyperactive amygdala. So it's like during the day I'm just very dysregulated. And doing standup is just, I don't know. I just feel very like I know where everybody's place is. And I feel safe for that amount of time.

Do you get calmed down by working out? A little bit because my motive for working out is so fucked up. It's not like to, you know, I'm working more on like working out to get strong and to get healthy. But for the longest time it was like to get skinny and to look fuckable. You know, so working out was like, I was kind of hate fucking it. I wasn't like doing it because I enjoyed it or wanted to be doing it. So I'm trying to sort of find a new motive. What kind of exercise do you do?

I get bored and i i used to work with a trainer and i stopped and so i started just started doing it myself like lifting and i just want to have a big butt that's all i really care about i'm just want an ass so i'm like use that machine is it called the jimmy john machine i don't know the one that like sausage company or is that a sandwich jimmy dean i eat I eat Jimmy Dean sausage to make my ass bigger. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a squat machine, but it has a little helper. It has little claws.

What is it? I think it's the Smith. The Smith machine? The Smith machine is the rack where the squat goes up and down. That's what I do. And you can just turn it forward to catch it. That's what I do. Why don't you?

I do that. Yeah, that's a good machine to do. It's good to do on your own. I used to just run. Oh yeah, that's a Smith machine. That's what I do at the gym. Those are good. And then I do... A lot of people don't like those because you don't have to balance them though. The idea is that there's a benefit

to all the stabilizing muscles. You have a real barbell. I don't trust myself. Yeah, sure you do. I'm too ADD. If I do that one, I'm afraid I'll hurt myself. The Jimmy John helps me to not. I'm not, like, a professional athlete.

I'm just, like. You should get a hug in pill form and take it five times a day. Whatever you're just getting. Everything's going to be here. Here's a hug. Here's a hug in pill form. But I was doing, like, SoulCycle. I was doing, like, spinning for a I was doing like spinning for a while. Yeah.

Just because whatever. There's a great episode of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Oh, really? I'm making fun of it. You ever watch that show? No, it's funny though. I've seen a couple episodes. It's fucking hilarious.

She's great. It went down for like two episodes and I almost abandoned it. Great commentary. Let me tell you folks, if you're watching it now, because I've talked to a lot of people and they're watching it, when you get to like episode six of season one, don't panic. It sucks for two episodes. And then it bounces back fucking strong. It's hilarious.

And they made fun of spinning? Oh, there's one with Nick Kroll. Yeah, I love Nick. And he's the spin instructor. Genius. I don't want to give it up. Genius casting. But it's like, it's a cult these fucking soul cycle

i used to go to soul cycle and cry i'm not fucking kidding they'll play like cheryl crow or like pink like you know neil brennan always says that i have the musical taste of a 45 year old divorcee i love an inspirational kelly clarkson song i swear to fucking god pink cheryl crow alannis morissette. Like, I will just get in there and you just start crying because you're in a lot of pain and you're working really hard and you're just vulnerable. Do you feel like it's okay to cry because you're sweating? It's like me.

It's like sweat or tears. It's me and a bunch of publicists crying. Bunch of publicists. Because it's $35. A fucking class. It's crazy. Is it that much? I think it's like, I mean, if you buy like 100 packages, it ends up being like 28.

I have a thing called a Peloton bike. Oh, that's the new, no, I tried it. It's supposed to be amazing. I tried someone else's. You do a live spin class with people. We have it here. So do you do spin it? You like it?

No, no. They gave it to me. Not a fan. No, I mean, I would use it. I'll come in and do it. But I have one here. It's like, they were a sponsor. I like it because it's's like i can get in a groove and i can check out and think about other things and like sort of that's it's like a moving meditation for me that's how i feel about

regular running when i run the hills i love running but now i run it with my dog it's a different dynamic because i always have to keep an eye on him yeah but he's pretty good he waits and waits for me and then i run and he's so. He's so much different than any dog I've ever had. You don't do it on a leash. He's just following you. No, he's just running. That's amazing. Yeah. He's great.

He's great, but he's not a... All my other dogs have been psycho. Really? I've had to have them on leashes because they would attack other dogs. What kind of dog? Pit bulls. Oh. I had a bunch of pit bulls. Yeah.

So I'd run with them. Yeah. And my Mastiff, I just never ran with him. He's too fucking big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think it's bad for his body, too. It's hard on their bones. Because he's always limping a little bit, too.

He runs around too much in the yard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's huge. They're too big. They're sort of meant to just hang out and loaf. And I'm running really steep inclines and declines. This is yours now as a golden retriever, yeah? That's great.

That dog is the best. It's great for them. Running with animals is the best feeling. But me and him have this crazy bond. That's so cool. Like, when we stop like i'll stop when i run the hills i'll pause because it's like you know i'm running this big sprint up to the top of the hill and then he'll he'll sit and wait with me and then he just like

i love you and he'll like jump up and kiss me i'm like i love you too buddy like calm down but it's like he's so excited that i do this with him he loves it he's so grateful oh yeah this crazy bond thing going on. Yeah. That makes me so happy. It's really intense. Yeah. I've always, like,

he's a sweet dog. I bonded with him from the moment we got him. Yeah. But we have this extra bond now that we run three or four times a week. Oh, yeah, totally.

Well, you're a pack. Yeah. You're a pack together then if you're running together. The other day, he found some shit. I don't know if it was his shit because he usually shits in this area

and he just laid down on it started rubbing on it i one time took my fucking dog to hike and he came back he like let him go i was like all right let's see how this goes let's see if this is gonna end the lawsuit for me and uh so i let him go he comes back he's covered and like he smells like like wharf i can't even explain the rancid smell i was just like what is that and he's covered in like he's got like stringy like i'm like is that spaghetti and then i keep walking there's a dead deer he had rolled in a dead deer carcass oh so you get all the worms it was just covered in worms and guts and eyeball and i was like oh fuck now i just i'm you're up for adoption

yeah it's weird dogs like like that smell on them. Well, because don't they do it? Because my dogs, coyotes, when coyotes shit in my yard, my girl rolls in it. Because don't you do it so that the coyotes think you're in the pack so they don't kill you? Ooh. I think that's why you do it. Wow. Fire up that Google.

Make sure I'm not wrong. Does that make sense? Yeah. They roll in the shit so that the coyote doesn't kill them. There's a guy I follow on Instagram that has a pet coyote and he hunts coyotes. And he uses this pet coyote to help him hunt coyotes. I don't like this person. He has dogs and they hunt coyotes.

Well, hunting coyotes is important in areas where coyotes attack deer fawns and coyotes. Is this in California? No, no. He's a hunter. I mean, the guy's just a hunter, period. But one of the things that he's done, he found a puppy, a coyote puppy that had been abandoned. And so he adopted it. And she lives with him.

It's really weird. But coyotes are like, well, coyotes can't attune to human faces. Like, they're basically sociopathic. They're not like dogs. You can't domesticate them. Yeah. Maybe not true because this dog seems to be very playful with him. Yeah.

And, and like, cause biting his hand and, but not hurting him and he's, he's petting it and, and the dogs it's playing with other dogs, you know? Oh, but you can raise, cause it's like, you know, I go to this, I go to work with these, this place Wolf Connection. And essentially it's like, I'm always like, well, which one's the most wolf? Which one has the highest content of wolf in it? Like with their blood.

And they're like, it doesn't really matter. It's back to the nature nurture thing. It's that there are some wolves that were raised by dogs that have more dog-like qualities and some dogs that were raised like wolves that have more wolf-like qualities. Right. It's like the nature and nurture thing.

Yeah, that makes sense. You know. And this, what does it got? Rolling in feces, they're really common, possibly a dog's ancient instinct to mask his scent, which is then able an animal to sneak up on their prey

without detection. Hmm. Ah. So you might keep, so, oh, I guess dogs do it with other dog poop as well. But my dog doesn't roll in my other dog's shit,

only coyote shit. Why doesn't, you know what I mean? So anything that it perceives But wait a minute, your dogs are fucking tanks. Huge. They're probably not worried about a fucking coyote. But coy't you know what i mean so anything wait a minute your dogs are fucking tanks huge they're probably not worried about a fucking coyote coyotes hunt in fucking packs and they lure one and they surround them and did i ever tell you a story about the guy who worked at

the uh pet food store there's a guy who worked at the pet food store also worked at a veterinarian's place and they got this dog in it was one of those giant pit bulls, one of those like 120 pound muscular tank pit bulls. Yeah. And it was covered with cuts all over its body. It required hundreds and hundreds of stitches. And so he asked the owner, like, what happened? He goes, I don't know. He goes, I came home and he had gotten out of the yard.

He was covered in blood. It was all fucked up. He goes, I don't know what happened. And so they stitched the dog up and then they literally follow a blood trail up into the hills where he finds nine dead coyotes. Jesus. This pit bull. They lured him in and then the coyotes ambushed him and he killed them all. It's my homie right there.

Exactly. It was like Vietnam. Dude, he was like just necks ripped open guts torn apart arms snapped off he goes this this pit bull just killed the pit bull had a head like a fucking fire and their muscles are in their head yeah it was a monster dog you know i had my ear bitten off by one yeah like it happened so fucking fast it's i didn't i didn't feel anything and you said it didn't mean to do it i felt no pain I don't have to defend it We talked about it on the podcast

It was so fucking fast I didn't even feel it I felt no pain That's how fucking precise it was That's what they say about shark bites You don't feel the shark bite until you realize your leg's missing Actually that girl Bethany She said it was like an orgasm

It was like bliss because so much dopamine rushes to the area so that you keep fighting. It actually felt good. I don't think I'm comfortable about a 13-year-old talking about orgasms. Oh, God. We're going to jail, Joe. Are you sure? We're going to jail. She said it was like an orgasm? Maybe I'm putting that in there because I

want to fuck a shark. She's a little kid. Sorry, don't sue me. I do feel myself walking on eggshells around anything sexual all the time now. You can't. A woman, I would say this right now. You can say whatever the fuck you want to me. We're fucking next. You know women are next.

And they should be. No, they shouldn't be. If women are predators and using their power to coerce people, they should. Have you seen my Harvey Weinstein bit? You haven't seen it? No. Can I say it Wednesday? I'll tell you.

Yeah, Wednesday. Yeah, for sure. But I don't seen it? No. Can I say it Wednesday? Yeah, Wednesday. Yeah, for sure. But I don't, that's nonsense. Any guy, well, there are, I know guys that have been victimized by women at work. Me too. There was a guy, TJ, remember the amazing atheist was telling the story about the woman that he worked with was always grabbing his ass and making him uncomfortable

and she was like his boss. He was, you know, real socially awkward and in this fucked up situation. But that's super rare. And I think that this is a balancing thing. Yeah. And then this, you know what I thought

was the most hilarious thing about the Women's March? What? That people were angry that these white women were wearing pink pussy hats because not all women have vaginas. Because not all women have vaginas.

Because there's trans women. Oh, I thought you were going to say not all women's pussies are pink. women have vaginas. Because there's trans women. Oh, I thought you were going to say not all women's pussies are pink. That too, because women of color. It's both. They're offensive to women of color and trans women. I haven't even heard this. How many trans women were marching in the women's march? I saw a bunch.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't know they were trans based on their appearance. Calm down, internet. I know them personally, so I knew that they were trans. I would have been able to tell. Yeah. I would have sniffed them out for you. What does that mean? Do dick severs? I'm a joker. I'm a comedian. There was a thread on my Twitter

that I wasn't even involved with where these trans people and these lesbians were going at it back and forth. And it was fascinating because lesbians are one of the few groups that don't feel intimidated to talk shit to trans people. They're like, they're removed from it. Oh, they're like inoculated against that. Yeah. And they were saying that these trans people are homophobic and these trans women. I can't keep up.

It was fucking crazy. It was for days. I can't keep up. I mean, for seven or eight days they were going at it back and forth. But essentially the trans women, this is what the lesbians were saying, that the violence, the intersexual, no, that's not the way to put it. Intersectional? No, the violence between women, women-on-women violence in relationships, domestic violence. The statistics were skewed because a lot of it is trans women that were attacking women that they were in relationships with.

Because these women that are trans women, they have the same behavior that men have, which is this inclination towards domestic violence. And so they were saying that, and she was citing statistics about how many of these women that were the victimizers were not, they weren't, they would not specify their gender at birth. They were talking about their current gender, which is like a weird thing now. You don't have to, like you could get arrested if you're a trans woman for beating up a woman. And they will say, okay, you're a woman. I see.

And they'll say, yes, I am a woman. But you have the strength of a man. It's none of your fucking business. Like, oh, okay. So there was this, it was really deep. That's fascinating. Because one of these lesbians that started this

with these trans women was very educated about these statistics and was attacking these trans women and she was saying essentially, like, don't go around and say,

because you've been a woman for a fucking year and a half, that you understand the struggle. Fuck off. Right. Right. And because you were, just had male privilege two years ago or whatever and you've had it your Fuck off. Right. Right. And because you were, just had male privilege

two years ago or whatever and you've had it your whole life. What was that video that guy, that comedian? You said it to me. Yeah, yeah. So I ran into him yesterday.

Kyle Dunn again. Yeah. I ran into him. Find his Twitter page and there's a thing that he did with, with Kate. No, it was,

Bruce Jenner. Bruce, nope. No, Caitlyn. Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner Caitlyn Jenner Fuck that Can't change your name I love coming in here, there's no PC shit allowed in here at all But this is it, hold on

Play it from the beginning and give me some volume So hold on, before you play it Before you play it This is what I wake up to So Kyle Dunning How Before you play it, before you play it, let everybody know. This is what I wake up to. This is, um, so, Kyle Dunning, how do you say his name? Dunnigan. Kyle Dunnigan did a face swap

with Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner, and so take it from the beginning. It's, it's, uh, Hey, how about this women's movement, huh? It's our turn now. Yeah, baby! God, you lived as It's uh... Wait, I'm confused. That was you, though. Oh, nice, Kim. Blame the victim. That's nice.

What's your next question? What was I wearing? Jeez. What are you wearing? It's super cute. Are you like this? Donna Karan, 800 bucks. Worth that.

That's funny. Well, fuck yeah, it was worth it. That's it. But it's fucking very funny. Where did you find out on his Twitter page? No, his Instagram. Somebody sent it to me. I think that's his Twitter. But somebody sent it to me on his Instagram page. No, his Instagram. Somebody sent it to me. I think that's his Twitter.

But somebody sent it to me on his Instagram page. Oh, he does tons of this. I don't know him, but he does a bunch of these and they're fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. He wrote an Amy Schumer show. He's really funny. He's really funny. Do you remember back in the day he did that cow commercial back in the day?

It was a Chick-fil-A or something where he was like dancing with a cow. Do you know what I'm talking about? We don't have to play that. Yeah. I'm not playing a fucking Chick-fil-a commercial um but i just mean like it was something funny he's he's funny i tried to go to chick-fil-a yesterday why because i was hungry do you eat fast food occasionally on sundays chick-fil-a is fucking delicious but it must be dead but i couldn't go on sunday terrible for you five guys why can't you go

on sunday because they are open because of the baby jesus chick fil a is fucking super religious yeah i'm gonna go have an abortion in the chick-fil-a bathroom don't do that do you think that would upset any money aren't we yeah i feel like i heard we're not supposed to eat a chick-fil-a because of that you can't eat anywhere i was somewhere the other day and i was like oh let's go to this restaurant they're like we can't that's a Mario Batali restaurant I was like fucking can everyone stop raping people so I can eat my favorite pasta how about Monique telling everybody to boycott Netflix

that was crazy huh I mean that's a fucking insane I'm only getting a half a million dollars for an hour but it's like for most people that's like an insane fucking amount I mean that's an insane amount of money well what's insane is her comparing herself to Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle and Amy Schumer. You know, like, look, she's not as famous.

There's a scale. This pay disparity stuff is tricky because you get paid based on the value that you bring. You know who else was going on that? Kathy Griffin. Kathy Griffin was saying something about she did 23 stand-up shows. Dates. 23 standing ovations. And she would do a special.

She would be willing to do a special, but she wants to make sure she gets equal pay for women, and she was making it a part of that. Here's my thing. Say no and go somewhere else. There's so many outlets now. There's Epics. There's fucking Hulu. There's so many places.

Just say no. But here's the thing. They pay you what they think it's worth. Yeah. Based on how popular you are. Based on how popular your stand up is. Yeah. And based on what they think they can get out of it.

The tickets that you can sell. Yeah. I mean, that's why Dave Chappelle gets the most. That's why Amy Schumer got a lot. Yeah. She was selling out fucking gigantic arenas. She was selling out arenas. Yeah.

Monique's not doing that. Yeah. So for her to compare herself to those two people is fucking crazy. I agree. And she's basing it on her tickets, like their box office for movies that she was in like whoa whoa and it's also you're not just getting paid that amount you're getting paid when the special airs the tickets are going to sell because that special is streaming you know like people are so crazy when they start boycott you need a boy we need. Like, anyone's going to fuck up. Netflix could, the head of Netflix could openly lynch someone and not one person would stop

watching Netflix. Well, don't you think they were in trouble, though? They were in trouble, though, with the Kevin Spacey thing. They had to do something about that. And they did. And they did. And they did. I mean, they lost a lot of money on it.

Yeah, they lost $39 million. Yeah. Between that and the Gore Vidal. Yeah, there was an article about it yesterday. The Gore Vidal, the Kevin Spacey thing. You know where they shot that movie? It was done. Ravel, yeah. Yeah, Ravel. I saw them the Gore Vidal. Yeah, there was an article about it yesterday. Oh, right, the Gore Vidal, the Kevin Spacey thing. You know where they shot that movie? It was done, yeah. Ravel, yeah.

Yeah, Ravel. I saw them when we were there. Yeah, well, that was where Gore Vidal used to go to bang dudes. But I feel like that's right. But I feel like that it had to get this bad for people to be like, you know what? We're not going to hire these people because it has to be like a bottom line issue. Like, I'm not going to hire a rapist because it's too expensive. Have you ever seen the Gore Vidal, William F. Buckley documentary?

No. Where it details the two of them. Was that his lover? Gore Vidal, William F. Buckley documentary? No. Where it details. Is that his lover? No. No, the opposite. They hated each other. Oh. William F. Buckley was a conservative.

A lot of lovers hate each other. He was a British conservative guy who was very popular during the day. Yeah. And this is from the 1960s on television. And they were debating back and forth, Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley. Yeah. You know, liberal versus conservative. But like on national television, it was like these really contentious, highly charged debates.

And it kind of sunk William F. Buckley's career because at one time Gore Vidal called him a Nazi, called him a neo-Nazi or something along those lines. And then William F. Buckley said something something called him a fucking queer and I'll punch your face I'll sock you in your nose and you'll stay plastered like lost his cool on television called him a queer on television and it was like this whoa moment and then William F. Buckley's career I love that I love when people lose their shit you get to see who really is yeah you pressure when somebody's not like and I love thinking about what in 30 years or when you look back and be like, yo, I can't believe we used to just fucking say that, you know, like retard. We used to just say retard.

I still say it. Of course you do. But only the retards. But not people with a disease, just a human. But the word is not, the word is retarded means like to slow the growth of something. Yes, to retard the business. Somebody has retarded ideas. Yeah.

You know, like, or like, like, okay, like denying someone birth control. That is retarded. It's retarded. It's like socially retarded. Right. Because it's retarding. It's slowing progress. Yes.

I don't think that's a bad word. What I think is a bad thing is to mock someone who has a disability. Correct. But I don't think that you're always talking about that when you're saying that word. Yeah. I think we have a real problem with language policing. I agree. I think we have a real problem with denying the use of sounds.

This is what a word's supposed to be. It's like you make a noise, so I understand what you're saying. I understand, like, there has to be context. Like, I have to, it's supposed to be a sound that you make so I can understand what you're trying to convey. Right. And that's, but if you say that's retarded and I go, you mean, you know, that's missing a chromosome, you know, like it's like, well, that would be me saying that's down syndrome though. Right. Oh, that's true. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I think it's figuring out what the ideology is of the word. I did not know this happened recently. Someone said in a writer's room, um, she's uppity. I did not know. This happened recently. Someone said in a writer's room, she's uppity.

I did not know that that was a slave term. We all learned very quickly that that was a term. That's what it means? Yes. The ideology of it was to describe a slave that was acting out. Uppity. Uppity? Wow.

I always thought uppity was someone who was like a highfalutin, like, you know, some rich person. I thought it was just someone who was recalcitrant and would not participate or who was like a highfalutin, like, you know, some rich person. I thought it was just someone who was recalcitrant and would not participate or who was resisting. But it actually has origins in, and same with like paddy wagon, is like offensive to Irish people because it used to describe drunk Irish people. Oh, but Irish people don't care.

Trust me, I'm one quarter Irish. We don't give a fuck. Of course. It's like non-Irish people are the ones that are offended. Isn't it funny that like one quarter Irish, I can't really say I'm Irish, but if I was one quarter black, I'd be, I'd have a fucking Afro. I would be a part of the community. And then what's the other one?

There was another one under your thumb. If you have someone under your thumb. It's a Rolling Stones song. Yeah, but it was, it used to be, that was a thickness of a switch that you could hit your wife with. It had to be, it couldn't be thicker than your thumb. What? Yeah.

Like, is it etiology or etymology? Etymology. Etymology of those words, which I just didn't know. Do you know the term faggot, where that came from? Cigarettes? No. That's a fag. A bundle of sticks.

Oh, that's right. Right. And do you know why? Why did it turn into a gay slur? This is what pissed me off on Louis C.K.'s show. They used this urban myth that what it meant was that a bundle of sticks was a faggot. And so a gay man was a faggot because they were a bundle of sticks and you would burn them in a fire. That's not true at all.

Did he know that wasn't true? I don't know. It's convenient to ignore. All you have to do is research it. It's not true. At all. Did he know that wasn't true? I don't know. It's convenient to ignore. All you have to do is research it. It's not hard. What a bundle of sticks was referred to was a burdensome woman. They would call a burdensome woman a faggot because she was like a bundle

of sticks. Very difficult to carry around. It would be awkward. Tricky. So a man who acted like a woman was a faggot whoa that's what the term meant that's where it came from that's no idea that's the absolute origins of that term so when people say like there was a gay guy on louis ck's show that was saying that and i was it was him and nick dipalo and louis were all playing cards together and someone said some faggot and you realize why that's so offensive?

It's because, you know, they used to burn people. There's no fucking history of gay people being burned like witches. By the way, even the Salem witch trials, they didn't burn witches. They drowned them. They drowned them and dogs. This is how fucking insane the hysteria was. They killed two dogs in the Salem witch trials. Because they were dogs or witches?

It was mass hysteria. Do you know why they think they did that? Why they think what? The dogs or the drownings? Why the whole witch trial thing happened. Religious fanaticism. Ergot. There was a late frost.

And this has been proven by core samples of the ground. They had a late frost. And when you have a late frost on wheat, one of the things that happens is bacterial growth on the wheat, essentially ergot is very similar to lysergic acid, very similar to LSD. Cows were dying and shit, right? And they thought it was like witchcraft. Well, yeah. Was it from Ena?

There's a little bit of that, but that could have been other simple diseases. Just fucking everyone had hepatitis back then. But ergot is a psychedelic. And so these people were literally on acid. And they were freaking the fuck out thinking they were being hexed by witches. And they were paranoid, losing their mind. But why was it only women? Why didn't they think men were being witches as well?

I guess a couple men did die. I don't know. And babies. They killed a couple babies. Jesus Christ. They just lost their fucking their fucking minds well they're on acid but i think you know given the situation when men are in a position of power which they almost always were back then and then something's happening to them they would go for the weakest thing which is probably a woman or a single woman or a woman is weird in any way and just like that bitch i mean it's also just

sort of annoying that now people like like, this is a witch hunt. This is a witch hunt. Like without even knowing that that word is actually something to describe when men used to hunt women and now they're using it as a way. That's funny. It's like, I mean, you know, men thinking that we're like hunting them or it's some kind of like McCarthyism or something. Yeah.

Well, witch hunt. The idea is that you're looking for something that's not really there. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. You know, and I guess I just don't know a lot of people who are doing that. Yeah. I think there's a real problem we have, like we said earlier, about tribalism, about being on tribe.

This is a mass shaming. It's a mass shaming, wouldn't you say? There's definitely that going on for sure. But what I'm saying is that people identifying with all women or men identifying with all men. Yeah. Like, especially men, I did,

like, I had this bit that I was doing for a while about, um, a bumper sticker that I saw on a car. It said, girls kick ass.

And I was like, that drives me nuts. I hate that shit. Some of them. Some of them are lazy. Don't even, I mean, we're getting into this.

Have you seen the bit I do? But the point is, the point is, you can never have that about men. Like, a guy have a bumper sticker that said boys kick ass. I'd be like pull the fuck over. What are you doing?

What's in your car? So yes and here's what I'll say. I do have a lot of girlfriends who are conflating you know empowerment with entitlement. I totally get it and I have a lot of girlfriends who think they're feminists and they're actually just assholes. Like I have that. I talk about this a little bit. On stage yeah I have a lot of girlfriends who think they're feminists and they're actually just assholes like I have that

I talk about this a little bit on stage yeah I have a couple girlfriends who are like I need a man to respect me and men need to respect me I'm like bitch you need to get those photos of you in tank tops that say Rosé all day off your fucking Instagram before we have this conversation or not or you recognize who you are yeah or but like you know

you then earn my respect you know you don't automatically get respect just because you're a woman that's entit like you know you then earn my respect you know you don't automatically get respect just because you're a woman that's entitlement you know you still have to like watch a fucking ted talk and read a book every now and then you still have to like be cool and know what you're talking about so it's like you know i i there's definitely some duds i'm well there's people that are you know they're now on the team that's attacking and this is and there's a tribal like yeah this is no different than someone like, the Patriots, we're fucking kicking ass.

That's tribal too. It's the same thing. It's a natural inclination that people have. But it's also at the same time, I think a lot of guys I've heard be like, well, you guys hate all men and you think all men are assholes. It's like, for me, it's actually the opposite.

I know a lot of really amazing men that have self-control and restraint that I'm comparing the shitheads to. Those guys that say that though are just what? They're scared? They're guilty? Who's saying that you hate all men? No, I get that. People are like you're bitter

feminists that hate men. You can't even say that word. It's the same thing. They're tribal. They want to stand up for tribe male. Instead of just objectively looking at this and what's going on well imagine being a woman man imagine being a woman who's been working in an office yeah and dealing with this shit all of your life imagine being a woman who's been raped imagine being a woman who's been you know had to walk down the street past a bunch

of guys and they grabbed her ass and harassed her and learn about the neurological ramifications of that that go on i.e like sometimes we can't speak out. Sometimes we freeze, like you said, you know, and I think it's just like nobody wants to look into that research. There are some women, very few, but there are some women that hate men. There are some men. I won't say very few. To hate a whole gender is a trauma response. Yeah.

That is a one person hurt me or a couple people hurt me and I need to generalize about all of them to give myself a false sense of safety. I have friends that have been divorced a couple of times me and I need to generalize about all of them to give myself a false sense of safety. I have friends that have been divorced a couple of times and those are the trickiest ones because those guys, like they literally, like they have this idea that there's like, that the women are the enemy and they take your money and they pretend they like you. They pretend they like you and then eventually they turn on you and they get their lawyers and they take your money. And then I go, what's going on with you that you keep gravitating that woman?

Yeah. That's my thing. It's like, what's going on with you that you like you had no idea? Well, people are very different in the beginning of a relationship. Date women that have as much money as you. Very few people have real personal sovereignty in the beginning of a relationship. Interesting. In the beginning of a relationship, you lock on.

Like, is this going to be the person that makes me feel better about life? Yeah. Is this going to be the person that brings me joy? Is this going to be the person that makes me feel better about life yeah is this going to be the person that brings me joy is this going to be the person that brings me lust and sex and fun and this is and then after you get bored with each other and then people get resentful and this is the thing about men with money that i've always said like when a man with money is dating a woman who doesn't have money then there's this weird dynamic like i think you like it at first or some guys like it at first. When the man with money is dating the woman that doesn't have any money, the woman is

like, wow, this guy's got money. This is amazing. But then when they get married, she's got money too now. It's like, now you're just another guy. Like, I'm a rich lady now. Yeah. Like, now I have money. Like, I'll fucking divorce this dude.

I'm rich. Fuck this. Oh, I see. So, and then they get entitled to money. See, I would never take money of a guy I'm dating. Well, you have money. Like, I'm fucking divorced this dude. I'm rich. Fuck this. Oh, I see. So, and then they get entitled to money. I would say I would never take money of a guy I'm dating. Well, you have money. That's different. You're not, I mean, but that dynamic of the guy having all the money and the woman being

like a waitress or something like that, that's a normal dynamic. And when it happens, like men like it because like, look at me, you know, I have, I'm so advanced in comparison to, you know, to what she had financially, where she is. I have all these things that I can offer her that she could never get on her own. We're going to fly to Paris on a private jet. I'm going to blow her mind. You know, that kind of shit. Right.

And then the woman marries this fucking asshole. And then next thing you know, she is rich too. She's got Gucci bags and a big diamond and she's driving a Ferrari. And she's like, you know what? I don't want to suck this guy's dick anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the whole thing.

And then, you know, she's not impressed anymore because she's wealthy, too. So she's he's not a wealthy guy anymore. He's just a guy because she's wealthy. I see. They're now equals. And he doesn't have something that I can't access on my own. I don't need him anymore. Exactly. I've never I don't need him anymore.

Exactly. I've never I don't I've not had money before. And I've been hungry and poor before. I guess I get that. But I don't know. And maybe it's just maybe things are going to change in terms of like maybe we'll look back in 40 years and be like, remember when 40 year olds just used to date broke 20 year olds? Like, I mean, it's still going to happen. It's still gonna happen it's still gonna happen we're biologically wired you guys are biologically wired to want to you know fuck women that are fertile I totally get that it's not just that it might be a liability

biologically wired to want to fuck successful mature men that are that have their shit together they're more emotionally stable they're physically more together yeah are you my dad are you my

dad I've done it but this is not even just a dad thing. It's just a position of power. Like that someone is, like they've accomplished something. And maybe that's like going to be the new Darwinism

is like I don't need to date a man who has power. I don't really need protection, right? Because we have alarm systems and I have a lock on my door and whatever. But we're still wired

to seek men that are alphas that have power and that have resources even though, you know, we're not. I don't think that's going to go away anytime soon unless we go full socialist. Like we're not as vulnerable as we were 2000 years ago, you know? Yeah. Well, we're definitely I'm sure 2000 years ago, men and women had a much more different dynamic than they have in 2018.

Yeah. It's getting better. I think overall we have less violence. We have less crime. We have less crime We have less almost everything today than we did 2,000 years ago And I think in but I think the amount of radical change is happening like we were talking about before between 1960 and today Yeah, if we go another 50 years in the future It's gonna be even more insane

But it just might be like like the guy the people that thrive are the ones that are able to have some self-control over their primordial brain so it's like you it's like i want a ferrari like i would love to but it just doesn't make sense yeah i don't want to suck that donald sterling guy's dick do you know what i mean totally like it doesn't seem worth it i'd love to eat pizza every night but i'll fucking die that's not how i'll get fat you know you will just start to understand the consequences of dating the person that we are um sort ofally attracted to and just go like, I know what that is. That's what I want. But I can't have everything I want because I'm a fucking human adult. I think there's also a real this the way human beings react and the way we even think and the way what we think is acceptable and isn't acceptable changes with the culture. people changes with the culture and i think like it's one of the problems with going back to like 1960 and being upset at some of the ways people behaved because i think man that is the way people

behaved back then we know better now but to get mad at a man who uh behaved a certain way no i'm not talking about like drugging and raping and stuff like that yeah yeah certain uh 20 years ago when it was socially acceptable sexist behavior from 1960 that was just normal yeah like i think this is just a part of the culture and people thought that's how you behaved now people are shifting yeah and i think we're and also i think one of the things that's going on this is one of the things that's empowered the women's movement empowered a lot of other movements is access to information correct it's radical it's happening so fast and it's it's inundating us and we have to catch up to it.

It's like it's happening so goddamn quickly that we're just trying to, okay, what is okay now? What's not okay now? What can we do? What can we not do? Right. And access to each other. Like never before have 10 women all assaulted by the same man been able to meet each other.

Right. How else would we run into it? Exactly. Hey, were you assaulted by that guy by any chance? Like we're able to meet each other. How else would we run into it? At the grocery store? Hey, were you assaulted by that guy by any chance? We're able to find each other online. Jamie, were you talking about Steve Carell in The Office? Was it you that was talking about that? Yeah.

What about? You watched the old episodes of The Office, which is not that long ago. Yeah. He was such a creep. You can't really do that today. That's amazing. But he was kind of like bumbling, you know, like silly, hapless. I didn't watch the show.

So what was the difference? I think the purse episode where a girl shows up to sell purses and he just like makes a big to-do. Just like, you can have the conference room. And guess what? I just got this espresso maker. Don't make me give it to you because I won't. Oh, you need a ride home? I'll give you a ride home.

But did it feel creepy or did it feel? The ride home thing was a very particular creepy thing based off today's like world right and i think that like i mean the and what i know about the english version i don't know what the intention was for the american version the idea was to make him kind of polarizing and make it makes you uncomfortable and he you know it's crazy that it wasn't that long ago yeah it wasn't like but it's like you know it's like you know it's interesting because so so much of this is almost it's because it's so intangible. It's hard to explain. And I think this is why a lot of guys are getting annoyed, because when you get granular about it, it makes us seem like we're just being crazy.

Because so it's like you hug me at the comedy store and it feels different than when let's call him Joe Blow hugs me. There's just something creepy about Joe Blow and there's something not creepy about you. And I can't explain it and I can't tell you why and I sound crazy and manic and histrionic. No, that doesn't sound because that's the same way with gay guys. There's certain gay guys that hug me where it's creepy. There's certain gay guys that hug me. I don't want to name out anybody.

But there's certain guys that hug me. I'm like, what's up? I give them a hug and it's all just warm and friendly and it's cool. It doesn't matter if they're gay or not. But then there's other guys that they hang on to me a little or they'll squeeze my back a little. And just it's a little little extra going on. Like, OK. And I think that that's what like females are kind of trying to sort of say with the more granular stuff and with the Aziz story and stuff.

It's like I know it sounds like I'm being crazy, but I promise there's something fucking creepy about it. And I know that I don't have proof and I don't have photo evidence. But I'm I. But and the more I talk about it, the crazier I sound. But I think that that is just making me the Steve Carell thing is making me think it's like a hug that lasts a little too long. I had a guy once in an office. Right. But don't you think the Aziz story is like, look, you don't have to try to tank a guy's life from a bad date. It seems like you both ate each other out, went down on each other. And it's like it sounds like it sucked.

But then you're anonymous and then you're 22 or 23. Like this is like poor judgment. And here's the thing. Cruelty. There's a lot of cruelty involved. Like somebody described it as revenge porn. Yeah, it's our version of revenge porn. But it's just like, look, this is not, these are not comparable crimes to like what we've been discussing.

And I don't know if, and I can't speak to saying who's guilty and all that sort of. I don't know what happened. I don't think there's enough information. But I don't think that this person is coming forward equating it to rape. I think women know that there's different echelons. There's rape. But they call it sexual assault. I mean, look, I don't know enough about it.

I don't know enough about it either. And none of us were there. But like I do know in my 20s, I'm not saying Aziz is guilty again. I don't know. But in my 20s, I had a lot of sex that I felt I was coerced into that was transactional sex that I didn't want to have. And this is something we talk about in the female brain movie is that men are less able to read cues, emotional cues on, on faces than women are. Um, how does that work? So apparently, so we have evolved to cry four times more easily because men have a harder time reading, um, emotional cues on faces. That's why women cry easier. That's why we cry easier because men are designed to sort of like

see movement and to hunt and right. You're not designed to sort of read like, Oh, is like oh is she frustrated or angry you know like have you ever been on a double date with your wife and like um you think that her and the other i can't imagine you on a double date that's so weird thinking about it i've done those things really in the very early stages i've done them recently but if you're really annoying yeah and you go on a double date and like you have to fucking talk to the guy and he's asking you a million questions about hunting and you're like, just listen to my podcast. Why do I have to fucking do this for free? And then your wife is talking to the other girl and you think it's going well and the girl gets the car and you're like, oh, that went well.

And you're like, she was such a bitch. I couldn't fucking stand her. And you're like, it seemed like you guys got along great. You know, like, has that ever happened to you? My wife's not like that. Okay. She's just like, has had it. She just talks and she's not like if she if she thought something was bad she would let everybody know like right away well she would just it would be obvious or just just sort of like sometimes

there's like um basically and we talk about the movie it's like it's just men are not um as good at reading emotions on faces so it's like if you were to say like Whitney how are you and I was like I'm fine you might just be like okay she's how are you? And I was like, I'm fine. You might just be like, okay, she's fine. Let's move on. A lot of guys can't understand that there's a discrepancy between what I'm saying and how I'm saying it. And it's like about just reading like how muscles move on human faces. So it's like you can look up sort of the difference.

And, you know, so I'm not defending men in that area. I think that an interesting conversation that might come up at some point is people who have autism are really going to be fucked in all of this. People who can't pick up on social cues because so much of this is nonverbal. I fear that we're going to get to a place where we're going to have to sign contracts and shit before we have sex and stuff

because I know that in my 20s, and I'm freezing up just talking about it, is that when men made physical advances to me, I would be giving off these nonverbal cues. And I wasn't saying no, but my body was saying no. And I'm not saying it's necessarily a guy is supposed to be able to read my body language,

but that's what was happening because I froze up because of my trauma response. And I was scared. And also we are conditioned to be submissive to men. I am conditioned to feel shame if I don't fuck a guy in a certain amount of time. What? Wait a minute.

Totally. I thought it was the opposite. I thought you would feel shame if you fucked a guy too quickly. If you fuck a guy on the first date, you feel shame. But there's this sort of unspoken rule that you kind of have to fuck a guy on the third date. What? Yeah. Oh, totally.

Do you not think that? Jamie's never heard of this either. Oh, yeah. I feel like guilt and shame and I'm difficult and I'm a prude and I'm like whatever. This might just be you. Yeah, this might just be me. But like every girl that I know, maybe it's just my generation or something. Every guy out there is like, oh, I got to do is just get three dates in and we're in.

But think about negotiate. So just the tip is like something we joke about, right? But it is based in the idea of negotiating for sex. So if someone is starting to say just the tip, that means I've already said no. And you're like, well, come on. How about just a blowjob? And then I'm like, no, just come on. Just the tip.

It's like we joke about it, but that means that a negotiation is going on and that I've already said no. And then you just get worn down. And that's like transactional sex, which I think women are kind of just I won't generalize about all women. But I think some women are like sort of like I don't want to have that kind of transactional sex anymore. And like like I feel like I'm being used as a blow up doll. And I think from what I understand, that girl felt she felt like she was like rushed through dinner and like went back and was just sort of expected to be fucked. And I think a lot of what's happening is that men were promised something from porn and women were promised something from romantic comedies. Men were promised that women like

want it all the time. And women have been promised that men like want to talk to us. And I think these expectations are clashing. So I think it's a little bit of nature and a little bit of nurture. So a lot of it being media misrepresentations of actual relationships, and that's the models that people are acting on maybe yeah i think it's different for every person because every person has a different experience with sex everyone has a different ability to read faces everyone has a different nature and nurture everyone had different fucking parenting and then there's a problem with like sometimes you really shouldn't be with that person and you're there yeah and you're there and

what do you do what do you do i mean i do I've literally had sex before just to like get out of there. You're just like, oh God, I don't want to argue with this person right now, but I feel like this person feels entitled to my body and I feel shame and I'm embarrassed. And like, it's just all this stuff that's really kind of hard to explain. And I think it probably is annoying to the guy. And I just like, I don't want to be difficult. And I've been so gaslit to believe that I'm difficult. It just gets like really messy. And then by the time you figure it out, you've already had sex. And you're just like, oh, fuck, can I have my parking pass

back? Isn't this part of just being a human and trying to navigate your way through the fucking treacherous waters of just social interactions, sexual interactions? I didn't figure it out until I was 32 years old. I wasn't able to articulate or figure out whether I actually wanted to be having sex or not. So my advice to all my guy friends is do not have sex with girls that are under 30. Because I could not, I didn't have the ability to even know or say what I wanted until I was 32. But for men, a lot of men feel like if you have sex with a girl who's under 30, then it's fun. And you can have fun. But if you have sex with a girl who's over 30, their biological clock is ticking.

I froze my eggs. I've got time. My shit's on ice. They're pressuring you into this relationship very quickly. What's your intentions? Where is this going? I want to know how we stand. What are we?

Block that bitch. Block her. Find another one. There's Tinder. You can find plenty of women in their 30s. What if you like her you just wanted to calm down you just like let's work this out i mean look have you're we're gonna have to like start talking to each other i guess and like setting expectations i

know that sounds like a nightmare doesn't it so much drama um but it's also it's like it's so funny this is totally like i i probably shouldn't say this, but I was thinking someone was like, yeah, and then they had dinner and afterwards, whatever, and she wasn't into it. I was like, that is already fishy. I never want to have sex after dinner. I think it's disgusting. I'm like full of lasagna. I don't want anything in my body after I've eaten. Like, I need a couple.

I like to have sex before I eat. Someone's going down and you have to fart. I've eaten like I need a couple I like to have sex before I eat someone's going down you have to fart I'm like can we if we're gonna if I'm just assume that not any sex after dinner is not consensual but it's super normal yeah I sex after dinner you're grossed out by it if I just like eat chicken parmesan like I don't want your you know it's disgusting to me you know so I I just know that I've had a lot of sex in my 20s that I didn't want to be having that felt transactional, that just didn't feel. You know, I think that, you know who really wins in all this? Prostitutes and sex robots.

I think if prostitution was legal. See, the problem with prostitution being legal is it's still shameful. And it's still looked down upon. Whereas massage therapy is not. But you get to keep your job. You get to keep what job? You get to keep what job? You get to keep your job. The man is what you're saying?

No. I mean like if you're afraid of sexually assaulting someone by accident or having an inter personal relationship at work and all the stuff that's going on just like having sex with a hooker like you're not going to get fired. They're not going to report you. Yes. But it's very problematic in that it establishes this dynamic between a man and a woman where it's very transactional yeah and that yeah and then if you

get accustomed to transactional sex it could make it worse when you're actually with it's like then your thought is just i just got to pay for it yeah why would i deal with your bullshit i'll just be a grown-up baby i just need to get my dick sucked all the time i just mean if like men need because i literally was thinking about the other day i was like i would like someone to invent like a virtual reality game so that women can understand what sex feels like for me like it must be so amazing i was thinking about it why do you think it's more amazing for a guy than it is for a woman because i'm like to be willing to like throw away your career and take that big of a risk no that's not what it is no it's it's this what the way i described it in one of my specials i said being a man is like having a small 24-hour

sperm factory with a very shitty agreement with the union you got one delivery truck that's your dick yep and you got one warehouse and packages are piling up every day and your dick is like hey hey we gotta get these fucking packages out of here

what are we gonna do and the more it stacks up the more desperate you get the more you're willing to negotiate the more you do stupid things the nature of being a human being

is men are trying to get rid of cum because we're making it all day long all day long we're making cum we're cum factories that's what we are and when when a man doesn't have sex for a few days you don't like i went

through uh i did an experiment on my website like a few many years back where i didn't jerk off for a month what happened i was like holy shit you get so desperate yeah like just touching people just getting a hug your dick gets hard he's is bizarre. Like, because most of the time guys handle it by just jerking off. You just like, it's like a relief. You just, you literally are backed up. You have pressure and you relieve it. I don't know what it's like to be a woman. But one thing I do know is you're not making a thing that you have to get rid of.

Correct. Like we have the, and the difference between a guy being horny on day one of No Jerking Off versus day 30, you're a totally different human being. You're desperate. And men who don't ever get touched and don't ever get to have sex are extremely desperate. And they will do almost anything. They will negotiate in very bizarre ways in order to be involved in relationships. That's why you see men that are, quote, pussy whipped.

Like, why are they pussy whipped? Like, what is that? Well, that's the only option they have. Sure. These are weak people. And the only option they have is to acquiesce to whatever desires and needs the woman has. Right. You have to submit.

You have to submit. And then she'll throw some pussy at you like a dog. Throw some fucking scraps your way. That's literally what happens. I just thought of airborne pussy. That's upsetting. Take it. But my question.

But these men had no lack of pussy in their lives. Which men? The men, the powerful men that are going down. Right? These are men that could fuck whenever they wanted. But there's still, there's, well, the Harvey Weinstein thing. He had the most beautiful wife on the planet.

I don't know if she wasn't fucking him. I don't know. I think he was a fucking addict. Yes. And I think he's a power addict

and a sex addict and he's a fat fuck so he's a food addict. Insatiable. Addicted and power. I want it all. I want a big baby. I want everything.

Just stuffing things in his body. I mean, he's a fucking crazy person. But like Bill Cosby could have fucked anyone whenever he wanted. Same thing though. Power addict. Fame addict. Did I ever tell you a story about Bill Cosby? I used to, I did this casino

once and I talked to this woman who was one of the managers of the casino. She said Bill Cosby would make the entire staff watch him eat curry before he would perform. They would have to watch him eat. They would come into his dressing room and he wouldn't talk to them. They would watch him eat, and that's what he would do. When he was eating his food before his performance,

everyone had to watch him. Then he had someone, a security guard, tuck him into bed at night. They had to tuck him in. So he laid in bed, and they would tuck him in, and then shut the lights off and close the door. What mental illness is that? Delusions of grandeur, complete separation from normal society, this thought that he is royalty.

Right. This is what I think. I think the same behavior that kings have, you see that with dictators. You see that with celebrities, especially celebrities that, again, became super famous 50, 60 years ago. Right, right, right. Like Bill Cosby super famous 50, 60 years ago. Right, right, right. Like Bill Cosby. You know, he was famous 60 years ago. Well, there's some people like Danny Masterson who's young.

This guy's not, you know. The Danny Masterson one is interesting because he's a Scientologist. Yeah, of course. I mean, I'm not saying that it's – Did he leave Scientology? No, I don't – I mean, now I think he's left – I don't know if they embraced that or I don't know enough about it. Well, this is Paul Haggis, too. This is one of the things that they were saying about him is they think that he's left. I don't know if they embraced that or I don't know enough about it. Paul Haggis, too. This is one of the things that they were saying about him.

They think that he's being set up. I understand. Right. So, yeah, I know Leah Remini. I heard her saying that she thinks that these are fake allegations. But I don't know if that's true. But I think Danny Masterson didn't leave. Like, I don't think it was a ploy.

I've been hearing this for years. Oh, you have been hearing this before. And I didn't come forward. Why the fuck didn't you come forward? What was I going to do? Hey. Tell everybody. This is my phone. Why the fuck didn't you come forward? What was I going to do? Hey. Tell everybody. This is my phone, as if phones still look like this.

I don't even know if this is true, but I'm going to tell you because I don't want to feel bad about it 10 years from now. I know, totally. Like, you know, like I had heard creepy shit about him, but it's like, why does a young guy like that who can fuck anyone whenever he wants have to do something like that? And it's like, I understand if you have all this, the packages and the sperm building up, but why can't you just jerk off? Why can't you just fuck someone consensually see that's a different thing though the rape thing is a different thing yeah the rape thing is a dehumanizing

power things it's like you you say no fuck you yeah don't say no to me you know like i'm gonna fucking do this to you and you there's a that's not sex yeah there's something way more because if you can get hard when a woman is crying and wants you to stop and saying please stop yeah you know don't rape me don't do this you know i don't want you to do this to me and you could still do that that's like some viking shit yeah it's really some because it's like i mean there could be some sort of obviously not to defend it but some sort of survival instinct in being able to procreate with the women who's not interested. Like our biology is still not checked for like overpopulation. The fact that we no longer need to force ourselves upon women to

proliferate the species. Yeah. There's gotta be some leftover ancient, horrible rape DNA because there were a lot of people that were, I mean, Genghis Khan, his genes are in some ungodly percentage. That's right, a mount. Yeah. Yeah. Pull this microphone. Oh, shit.

Sorry, I keep doing this. You got it on your neck again. Yeah. I can see. It starts sounding like this. Well, I mean, it's interesting. Like, I'm just so curious how things are going to evolve. Like, are the people that are going to proliferate the ones that have the most self-control?

Whereas it used to be your masculinity or your value was defined by how strong you are, by how powerful. And maybe the new power is self-control and restraint. Well, I think maybe people need to start looking at each other as other human beings instead of us versus them. And I think that's part of the women's movement that's an issue and part of the men's side of it that's an issue. I think we have to get past tribalism yeah i think you know um dan harris from good morning america was on the podcast the other day and we were talking about in terms of politics he was saying toxic tribalism i love that term because that that that is that is across the board an issue in this country right versus left yeah that's an issue in this country with basically everything, men versus women. I think we have to just look at each other as human beings. And, you know, I'm not,

I'm not pro men. I'm not pro woman either. I'm pro humans. And there's a lot of really shitty men out there. And there's a lot of really shitty women. Correct. And it's, it's a real problem if we lump everybody into, well, women want this. And women are not going to do that. Women are not going to lie about rape. Women are not going to lie. Of course they are. Just like men are going to lie about it. People are liars.

Great point. There's a lot of people that are just poorly formed human beings. And they are now a part of a righteous tribe of people that are attacking this other tribe. And it's like most women didn't march. You know what I mean? Right. That's the thing. imagine if they did imagine if 150 million women were marching most women did not give a fuck most i mean but the numbers are pretty staggering staggering but there is something interesting i think about what happens when a group of women get together um

because i think that at least in my experience, especially like in the workplace, and I was like, trying to do some research on this. And I don't know enough about it. But there's this thing called I believe it's called favoritism bias. And it's how women in a workplace actually compete with each other because they're afraid that the man is going to think that they're favoring their gender. So they're actually shitty. It's like like queen bee syndrome or something, where it's actually I've experienced a lot of competition with other women because there's so much scarcity for jobs. It's like women just getting in the workforce like in the last 10, 20 years. This is kind of new.

So it's sort of like, bitch, this is fucking my job. Oh, hell no. So I think for women to actually be on the same team, not to support toxic tribalism is actually kind of a refreshing thing to just be like, like, we're not competing for a man. We're not competing for a job. We're not competing for a job. We're actually going to unite. Like, I think there's just so people, there's something kind of healing about that, at least for now. Yeah, I agree with that.

I've experienced women confiding in me about other women, like in comedy. And they're so shitty and judgmental and critical. Like I've had women say things about other women comedians. Like what? Wait a minute. You really think she's like that? Yeah.

Like, yeah. Oh, she's a fucking hack. She's fucking terrible. And this is not like, wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute. She is funny. Like, what are you talking about? They'll get really angry about it. And like, like, what is it?

Like, what is that? Like, what is that? Scarcity complex. Like there's, there can only be one woman each show and it's fucking her or me or it's like you know and that's like a primal thing of course because it's like I want protection from the man because whatever there's all that sort of like old primordial shit but competition between women like I have this is the first time I'm kind of not feeling that and it's kind of nice for the moment. It's kind of nice for the moment.

And we'll see, because I definitely know, even though I think that, you know, women are my concern. I don't remember who I was talking about this the other day, is that basically people are just going to stop hiring women or stop hiring mixed, like putting mixing people, genders up in offices because it's just too scary. I'm concerned. Do you really think that's going to happen? I'm concerned there's going to be a little bit of a backlash that guys are saying, you know, it's not worth hiring a woman because it's just going to be a nightmare. I mean, I know a lot of guys who are like, I never hire pretty assistants or I'll never hire a pretty girl to be in my office because I'm just too scared the way men are going to act, which I think is a little crazy and unfortunate, but it's like.

But it's true. No one wants to get sued. But it's not just no one wants to get sued. You change the office dynamic. If you have a really hot assistant and she's walking around with all these other guys in the office and the other guys in the office are like getting her cups of coffee. All of a sudden they're her assistant. And then men recognize that. Like when I see a guy that's like skis in on a chick, I'm like, oh, I see what you're doing.

If you need an intern or something and you have two women that are equally qualified and one is overweight and 55 and one is 22 and gorgeous i don't know how they could be equally qualified but whatever like who are you gonna hire are you kind of like oh this is liability this could be a problem well the 55 year old lady might be fucking crazy and the 22 year old might be cool she might be like really interested in you know some of the things that we're interested in, make it easier to talk to her. Or it could be the opposite. The 55-year-old might be wise and, you know, very calm to be around. I mean, you can't like.

That's a good. It's the individual. I just mean if you're owned by a corporation or if you're NBC or if you're Disney or something, I know there are a lot of conversations about like potential liabilities. Well, someone is a 55-year-old intern. It's like, whoa, don't you need money? Well, that's a red flag. Where are you getting your money? Yeah, that's a red flag.

I'm just, I just. We had a PA on the show that I was on once and he was 39. And I was like, wait a minute, why are you, you're a PA and you're 39? And he turned out to be a fucking nut and he was on pills. Oh no. Yeah, he was on, he was like, I'm like, do you, I had to tell people, I go, do you see the way he's moving? Like he turns like really quickly. I go, that guy's on speed. There's a hundred percent. And he go, they were like, I had to tell people. I go, do you see the way he's moving? Like he turns really quickly.

I go, that guy's on speed. There's 100%. And they were like, you sure? I go, watch him. I go, watch him. He's twitchy. Swiveling around. He's always talking.

He can never shut the fuck up. He interrupts conversations and he injects with these long, boring stories of his own. That guy's on speed. 100%. 39-year-old intern. They fired him. They wound up firing him right after this one job that we did. But I was like, okay.

It was tricky, though. I've talked to a bunch of people who are like bosses, and they're like, fine, I'll just stop hiring women. Oh, that's crazy. And it's like, oh, God. That's crazy. Because they're just so afraid of getting sued, and they're so afraid of inter-office relationships and that sort of shit. So this could backfire. I'm too free.

I'm too free to have input on this. It's a, it's, you know, I think there's a weird dynamic when men and women work together and you have a really hilarious bit about it. Like people working in an office together, like that, they, the way they interact with each other.

It's very strange. Honey badgers in a fucking cage. It's just weird. Yeah. It's like you're, this is your new family. Like you're with these people eight hours a day and then you're only asleep for five. And then you have, you know what I'm saying? How long do you see your wife every day? Two hours. family. You're with these people eight hours a day and you're only asleep for five.

You know what I'm saying? How long do you see your wife every day? Two hours? Maybe? It's fucking weird. And then you're in traffic for three. So what are you doing? Your life is these people. And so then your sexual situation gets weird. You're developing bonds with them. Trauma

bonds. And then there you're that never fuck, but they want to fuck forever and they just hug each other a little and they're sweet to each other for it, but nothing ever comes of it. But they both know, they both know they really want to fuck, but they're not going to. So they kind of a little flirty and a little affectionately.

Yeah. And they exchange those silly text messages and then the wife will find out this is an inappropriate emotional relationship. And you're like, well, what And then the wife will find out this is an inappropriate emotional relationship. And you're like, well, what does that mean? I can't have friends. And it's not, it's emotional cheating. My work wife or my work husband type thing. I've had that sort of stuff happen. People do have, I've had people openly talk about their work husband. I was like, Whoa, this is dark. I mean, I remember with Chris D'Elia, I was doing a show with Chris D'Elia and we would spend all day together every day. And we were like having this relationship.

I mean, we were also acting as girlfriend and boyfriend and we were sort of super bonded. And then because you spend all day talking to each other, confiding in each other, sharing all these experiences. By the time you get home to your actual boyfriend, you're like, good night. And then a month later, I'm like, because remember when that director yelled at me and they're like, no. And it's like, I thought I told you. You don't listen to me. You don't understand me. It's only because I've invested everything in that other person that all of a sudden it starts driving a wedge between you and your actual.

So what you're supposed to do in relationships is keep everything and hold it. It's like not ejaculating, basically emotionally. It's like hold. Like if something crazy happens to me at work, I don't confide in someone at work. I have to wait till I get home and bore the shit out of my boyfriend. I know this dude who is a very funny guy and he brings this woman on the road with him. And when he brings this woman on the road with him, his wife freaks. She does.

You mean like an opener? Yeah. He's got a woman opening act. It's hard. His wife is fucking freaking. Do you truly think I'm all for female opening acts, obviously. I'm panicking. Do you think he has any interest in her?

No, I don't. He just wants to, I mean, I support having a chance. She's nice. She's funny. Yeah. She's a good comic. Yeah. You know, and he has her open for him.

Yeah. I used to open for her. Yeah. I mean, it's totally possible. Yeah. But, you know, it's that thing you know you're experiencing this thing that she can't do she's the wife is not a comedian that's another thing I think comics also have a bond that that I feel like the outside person can never totally

understand never as well well just the way we joke around with each other yeah like if just the things you and I have said to each other. If we said these things in an office, like, holy shit. Lawsuit. Human resources. We'd both go to jail. Yeah. I think you'd go to jail more than me. I am the worst.

But thank God that NBC lawsuit, those Friends writers, made a lot of progress for us. What is that? Okay, so there's this famous lawsuit on Friends. The writer's assistant sued the writers in the writer's room because they were saying something about the actresses or saying like fucking them with twigs or I think something crazy. And they sued the writer's assistant, sued the writers for sexual harassment and said to hear all this disgusting shit. And the writers won because they said it was part of our creative process. Well, it is. It certainly is.

And especially with comedians, we have said ridiculous shit to each other. Yeah. I mean, like, we just, like, guys, first of all, like Callan, D'Elia, me, we've said ridiculous shit. Yes. Like, about each other. Awful. Like, about how I'd fuck you.

Do we have to fuck you, bro? First of all, I'm a top. Oh, that's my favorite. I'm a top. That's me. I'm a top. And you're just going to give in. You're just going to give in.

You're going to spit in your hand you're gonna rub it on your butt and we will do that to each other because it's how we make each other laugh that we need something really extreme

and completely forbidden to make each other laugh that's correct I think that is so fascinating I think comedians we just have to go off the grid a little bit every now and then

like someone who watches too much porn we need gags and fucking mascara running and fucking belts around your neck. We need the whole thing. Amputee porn. Yeah.

We need gagging. We're desensitized to regular conversation. I think we have a certain threshold of adrenaline we need or something. Yeah. When I get around comics, it took me so long to delineate the difference between how to act around comics and how to act around human beings. And I also think part of the reason I'm a little manic when I first see a comic, it's like a puppy seeing its owner. I'm just like like and then I just get so excited that I get to

be like a bitch can't fuck like I get to be um deviant yeah and you get to be free and I feel like I spend all day just being like don't say that don't say that don't say that yeah well it's our our culture the culture of of comedy stand-up comedy it's very unusual yeah like there's the community it's one of the reasons why I'm very protective of that community. And it's one of the things that I thought was the weird, you know, it's one of the things I've said about this whole Louis C.K. thing. I'm like, he did it to one of us. Yeah. He did it to us.

Yeah. It wasn't, not that he should do it to anybody. Yeah. That doesn't want him to jerk off in front of him. Yeah. But I don't think writers or interns on a writing staff are the same as stand-ups. Oh, he did that too, right?

Yeah, it's like stand-ups is one thing. Well, he just had a thing. He just had a thing. You like to beat off in front of people. Pick on someone your own size. You know what I mean? Come jerk off in front of me. You know what I mean?

Now, as a 35-year-old woman. Yeah, now. I would love to see that. And apparently he did do that to some comedians and they laughed and they thought it was funny. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, I've seen so many dicks.

Well, there's some women that he did that to that didn't come out and they thought it was funny. But there's a difference between like, oh, my God, what are you doing? And like, stop, please. And I could lose my job if I challenge you, you know? Right. There'll be nobody's doing that now. Right. No one's beating up in front of anybody anymore.

I think that's over. Most likely. Still, there's still people scared to talk. Right. There'll be nobody's doing that now. Right. No one's beating off in front of anybody anymore. I think that's over. Most likely. There's still people scared to talk. Right. I guess I just am curious what the what the neurology is of being able to get an erection when a girl's going, stop. The worst is if they didn't get an erection. It's like three quarters hard.

But if that's your thing, if a woman like is that like being humiliated as an aphrodisiac or shame? I think it's driven by shame. Yeah. There's a lot of weird shit to that for sure. I don't know. Because there's nowhere to go. Like I was reading this thing about pedophiles and like I'm not supportive of pedophiles. But like if you are a pedophile and you have horrible thoughts, there's nowhere where you can go unless you can afford therapy where you can say, hey, I have some really fucked up thoughts and I want to fuck a kid. And because shame is the engine of

pedophilia and you have nowhere to go, or if you do go somewhere, people are going to go, ew, you're disgusting. And they have nowhere to quell that shame and stop the cycle. And then if you act on it, then you have more shame and then it just makes it worse. And most pedophiles were molested. So it's just this fucked up cycle and there's no socially acceptable place to go express that the way in AA you can go, hey, I want to drink or I want to do drugs or whatever. There's no like place for them to go. Yeah. And it's also because it's your, your thing is victimizing children.

Right. Like there's zero tolerance for that anywhere. And people want to kill you. Yeah. They literally think you should be killed. But there should be a place like aa or somewhere where you go to go like but how would we know if it even works that's the problem like you know what works bullets bullets in your head bullets in your head work correct yeah i mean if someone's a kid fuck how do you feel about the fact that if you are a pedophile that means someone molested

you and you were you were a victim at some point. No, it's horrible. Because victims become perpetrators. So it's like, how do you break that cycle without just constantly shaming people? Because then you shame them into isolation and isolation is where shame thrives.

Maybe one day we'll have some sort of a form of therapy that can literally erase inclinations, that can erase desires. Or surgery that fucking takes out... Well, that's what they were trying to do right when they were like a lobotomy yeah great bring those back i don't think that works like whatever you have to do just went in there with a drill and fucking but it's like

because when you see i mean i was reading about the dark web is the deep web or the dark web i'm 100 years old um but like 90 of it is child pornography. Yeah. And you're just like, there's so many, like what the fuck? It makes me. Yeah. Homicidal. Did you see that hero cop?

This guy was like a hero cop, got his arm blown off and he was like being, and then they just caught him with child porn. Like, oh fuck. No, they're like, you're a piece of shit.

The Vegas shooter apparently had a bunch of child porn. Not surprised. Yeah. You know, so it's like, but like to stop that cycle is just so it's like the same idea of like jerking off on someone and being turned on by them being scared, being sexually aroused by a woman being scared. There's something fucking going on there. And I don't know if it's nature, if it's nurture, if it's fucking Viking shit.

The pedophile thing is also it's such a forbidden topic that no one even wants to express any sort of sympathy for those people at all. You don't want to be thought of as a pedophilia sympathizer. Correct. Correct. That's almost like a thing that you can't fix. Like the recidivism rate is so high. But if there's a way to, if it's technically an addiction, I mean, I think it's probably mental illness or if some sort of trauma therapy because those people are traumatized right right but if you're addicted to cigarettes yeah and uh you go through therapy and you kick them and then you get back on

the cigarettes 10 years later i don't care but if you're addicted to fucking kids and then you live and then another kid gets fucked because you couldn't keep it together anymore yeah i'm not willing to take that risk. Right. And that becomes a real problem, especially someone who has young children. That freaks me the fuck out. And I, like most fathers who are hearing my voice thinking about this right now, I want to murder.

Yeah. I just want to take that person out of the food chain. And you don't want to take that risk. And I guess the one thing I would say is people have a lot of sympathy for children who are molested or victims of pedophiles until they grow up. You know, like a lot of women who are victims of that end up manifesting as the women who can't say no or the women who are like, you know, traumatized and freeze up and stuff like that. But those women are hypersexual. That's the other thing. Porn stars.

A lot of women that get involved in the adult industry were molested as children, like a giant percentage. I don't want to say it's all of them. I don't want to say it's all of them because I know there's a lot of women that do it just because they enjoy it. And that's totally cool. But there are a lot. There was some survey they did once back in the day, and it was some alarming number. And those are just the ones that admit it. A lot of people can never come to terms with it.

I was talking to a therapist who was saying something about a lot of people that get crazy plastic surgery do it because they were molested and they're trying to change their face so when they look in the mirror, it's not the person that got molested. That's what they thought about Michael Jackson. Really? Yeah, that was one of the big theories about Michael Jackson

was his father abused him. Yeah. You know my theory about Michael Jackson. Really? Yeah. That was one of the big theories about Michael Jackson was his father abused him. Yeah. You know my theory about Michael Jackson? Tell me. People are going to, don't say it again. Tell me everything. I think he's a castrato. I think he had his balls removed.

I think that's why his voice was so high. That was a common thing they used to do with singers. Really? Yeah. You ever heard of castrato music? But is that true? I'm going to teach Whitney Cummings something. They used to do that with opera singers.

You know so much more than I do. No, I don't. You know a lot of shit. No, I'm not to eat cookies while we're doing a podcast. Sorry, because I'm my blood sugar. I'm not in ketosis. There's no sugar in those. I'm not in ketosis.

No wonder I'm so hungry. Yeah, there's very little. Those are no cookies. They have very little sugar. And the glycemic index on those is extremely low. How do you not get hungry? I don't understand. Because my body burns fat.

I eat very little carbohydrates. Like this morning, I ate eggs and fat beef. So you never have like sugar spike or sugar dips because you don't eat sugar. No, I don't have any spikes. No, I'm eating fat most of the time. I'm eating fat and meat. That's what I eat mostly. Oh, God, I need to just regroup here. I'm eating fat and meat. That's what I eat mostly. Oh, God.

I need to just regroup here. I need to start from scratch. It's way healthier. It's way better cognitively. Yeah. This is what the, I don't get mentally tired this way. I take four naps a day, Joe. I don't take any naps.

I'm just always so fucking tired. Yeah. Well, I'm on beta blockers too. I think that's a whole other thing. You're on beta blockers? I take beta blockers. Why are you on beta blockers? Because I get really bad migraines and it's hormonal, but I think I figured that's a whole other thing. You're on beta blockers? I take beta blockers. Why are you on beta blockers? Because I get really bad migraines.

And it's hormonal, but I think I figured that out. But beta blockers are supposed to keep you from getting nervous. Yeah. It stops like adrenaline, I think, from what I understand. Yeah. Yeah. I know a lot of archers use that. Yeah.

To actually test for it. Yeah. Because when you're on the archery competitions, nerves will make you shake. So I produce a lot of adrenaline and cortisol at the tiniest things because I'm a fucking trauma surfer. You need a goddamn hug, woman. Every time I'm around you, I want to hug you. I'm a fucking spaz. And so I was getting really bad migraines because of my neurochemical spikes.

I would get too much adrenaline and too much cortisol when I get nervous. So I take two beta blockers a day. I'm a catch. Jesus. If you had your balls cut off today, would the octaves of your vice go? The way you're developing. They do it to a boy when they're very young. There's actually recordings of castratos from the early 1900s.

See if you can get that. What surgeon does that surgery? Got us pulled off YouTube before. Oh, did it? I'll pull it from there. Oh, really? Because it's like child pornography? No, no, no.

Because the recording gets flagged by YouTube as being their proprietary or their property. And so anything that you use that's someone else's stuff can get you pulled off of YouTube. You know, like there's a shitload of people out there that have these nature videos. There's a big one. It gets us pulled all the time. Really?

Yeah, people that own things. Can you pay for it, the way you would license something? You could do something like that, or you could give them your ad revenue, but you would have to give them all the ad revenue from a show. That's insane. It's insane. So if we played a clip from The Office, and we played it, and you could see it on the show, we would totally get flagged and pulled off YouTube. Yeah.

And if it happens more than one time, you can lose your whole channel. That's insane. I didn't know that. Yeah, you could argue it, that it's fair use, but you don't have a license to do it. And if you're making money off of it, it might not be considered fair use. So listen to this sound. What this sound is that we're hearing and Jamie

what is the name of this? Alessandro Moreschi sings Ave Maria this is a young man who had his balls removed and one of the things that happens to them

as they get older they never really develop masculine traits this guy got fat because he had no testosterone he had no testosterone there's no balls and so they have this haunting, high-pitched, almost female but not quite sound.

And it was a preferred sound. So much so that they would take children and sell them off. And they would get their balls cut off at a young age. So they would develop to be castratos. I can't handle things like this. Yeah. This is my thought about Michael Jackson. I think Michael Jackson's voice was so high.

It was so high pitched. And like his falsetto was so pure. I really, I mean, no one's going to know. I mean, there's no way to know, but I'm a retard and I have my own thoughts. These are my thoughts. But if I'm the surgeon who did that surgery, after he dies, why aren't I coming forward and getting $5 million for this story? Because that surgeon's going to go to fucking jail. You do that shit in America?

Yeah. 100%. He took a kid and cut his balls off? He can't do that. It might not even be real. I might just be a stupid person. It was a dumb idea, which is more likely. I don't know.

I think it's a pretty good explanation. It's weird, right? Because he had other brothers that didn't sound like that. They didn't sound anything like that. You hear Jermaine Jackson saying he sounds like a man. Michael Jackson never sounded like a man. Doesn't add up. Yeah, it was all weird.

It's fishy. Well, it's also the abuse that he suffered as a child and his incredible connection to children, this bizarre connection. Because when you're traumatized, you get stunted, yeah? What, Jamie? The doctor that killed him or was in jail for killing him wrote in a book

that his parents had him chemically castrated whoa oh like taking those pills for real I mean that's what he wrote in a book I'm reading on some New Zealand news

I don't know how accurate they do that they've done that to child molesters they do that to child molesters they give them the option oh so that you don't Michael Jackson chemically castrated by

parents, claims doctor. Dude, this is my fucking theory. God damn it, I'm right. I bet I'm right. I bet I'm right. Well, also, his children weren't his children, right? He's a heterosexual man, but heinous things happened to Michael in his lifetime that actually changed or had

him morph into who he thought he was. One of those things, according to Murray, was his parents arranging for his chemical castration. His testes were never removed, but injections were given to Michael Jackson to maintain his voice, his high-pitched voice of a child that went long beyond puberty. He places much of the blame for Jackson's extraordinary but difficult life at the feet of his family. I fucking knew it.

So let me ask you, is this something that stops testosterone production? Yes. Like what's given to kids who are transitioning and that sort of thing? You're done. Done. That's why he was so skinny. And how long ago was that? I thought that was a more recent thing.

They did that to him as a child to maintain his voice. But then why did he grow so tall? Can you still grow? Yeah, you can still grow. Women are tall. You're tall. You're taller than me. A lot of GMOs.

That's why? No, it's just different genes. Yeah. It doesn't stop you from growing tall. It're taller than me. A lot of GMOs. That's why? No, it's just different genes. It doesn't stop you from growing tall. It stops your muscles from developing. Oh, and then what does that have to do with the vocal cords? Because something about your vocal cords is dexterous. Testosterone changes your voice. That's why when a woman turns into a transgender man, their voice becomes a different thing.

Is that legal? No. It's not legal to chemically castrate a boy. It's expensive, though. It's not legal It's expensive though It's fucking crazy We talked about this in Roseanne This doctor's right If that doctor's right, and I bet he is right If he wrote about this, I bet he's right

He self-published it too What does that mean? No one gave him a book deal? Who the fuck's going to give a book deal To the guy who killed Michael Jackson? Well someone gave a book deal to that Milo No they didn't, they took it away He lost it Book deal to the guy who killed Michael Jackson. That's a bad idea. Well, someone gave a book deal to that Milo. No, they didn't. They took it away.

Oh, did they get the money back? Yeah, he lost it. He lost his book deal when the thing came out about him thinking that it's okay for young boys to have sex with gay men. Not great. Not a great brand. The gay community has a different take on that. Really? Yeah, they have a different take on it than the straight community. The idea of young gay boys having sex with gay men, it doesn't bother them in the same way. Obviously, I'm not speaking for the straight community. The idea of young gay boys having sex with gay men, it doesn't bother them

in the same way with a lot. Obviously, I'm not speaking for the gay community, and I don't want to generalize, but the reactions that I've had from gay friends that talk about it say it's way more common. Well, that was the Bryan Singer thing. Bryan Singer had those parties at his house where he had a whole pool full of fucking gay

kids. And Morrissey also defended Kevin Spacey about it,. I'm like, it's different. Yeah, exactly. But how young? Like, how do you know if you're 17? And like we were just talking about the power dynamic. How do you even know you're trying to figure out who you are? Are you looking for a father figure? Are you abused yourself? It's like we just

we don't know until they grow up and figure it out in therapy if it was really consensual. Yeah. I mean, it's weird that we put this arbitrary date to like 18. Right. It's so arbitrary. Well, you can go to war now. You're 18.

Like what? I figured out at 32 who I was. Well, when would she should be allowed to vote? I say 50. I say. That's really. Yeah. I mean, it's so interesting.

It's like, I mean, you know. When should you be allowed to drive? I drove like a maniac when I was young. I just never should have had a car until I was like 25 years old. When should you be able to drink? When should you be able to drink? If at all. If at all.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a good question. It's terrifying. And when should you be able to have kids? That's a good question, too, because you only can do it for a certain amount of time. That's right. And by the time you can't do it anymore, that's when you finally know what you're doing. Yeah.

I feel like I'm 35 years old. I finally am qualified to be a mother. And this is when you stop being physically capable. Isn't that nuts? Like you have a couple more years. We can still shoot one out. I have my shits on ice. So I think I might have more time.

But you have to find someone that you would really raise a kid with. It's a very different thing. I have to find the perfect nanny. It's hard to do. No, I have a guy that I think is pretty A+. And if he's not, I'll just give the child to you. You seem to be doing a pretty good job. I'll raise him.

Raise him in the forest. That's a very real fear. I'm finally, for the first time, like, oh God, do I have to get my shit together on that? But then I get super scared about this world. Do I want to bring kids into this world? Yeah, I have a bit about this world. I'm like, do I want to bring kids into this world? Yeah, I have a bit about that too. Oh, yeah?

Like, oh, I wouldn't want to have kids today. Yeah, why would you with all the books and medicine and shit? People are shitting kids out in cave floors. That's why we're here. Are we going to have water in 20 years? Yeah, we'll have water. Yeah? Yeah, we're going to figure this out.

We're going to be drinking salt water? We're panicking. We're freaking out. But that's also why we correct things. I think the technology, ingenuity. And I also think, ironically as it seems, a guy like Donald Trump as president is going to really activate people. They're going to start moving. Look at this fucking Women's March thing.

You're right. A big part of that is having to grab the pussy president. It had to get this bad in order for us to wake the fuck up because we were all zombie sleepwalkers. He's the reason why those pussy hats that, by the way, whoever's making a windfall off those goddamn pussy hats, they should be thanking Donald. There were people down there selling them. No one knows how to make pussy hats like me.

What if he's behind the selling of them? Yeah, no, it was amazing to see all the commercialization of it and everybody capitalizing on it. And also, I think it's going to make us much more appreciative of the Environmental Protection Agency. Yeah. And then all the restrictions that Obama put in offshore drilling. If anything goes wrong, because he's just opened up offshore drilling everywhere. You know that, right? Yeah.

Do you know what he's done? Yes. I mean, I know. I've heard that. He's done a lot of really crazy things with the environment. Makes me angry. I've heard that. He's done a lot of really crazy things with the environment.

Makes me angry. With state, with, you know, whether it's Bureau of Land Management areas or I don't know which organization. There's definitely state land that was public land that's now being diminished. State parks that are now being diminished. And they're opening them up for mining. They're opening them up for extraction of minerals and resources. Yeah. And all this is close to rivers and watersheds and all these different areas that are very important for different ecosystems.

Fault lines. Terrifying, terrifying stuff in terms of the future. There was an earthquake in Delaware. Well, there's earthquakes in Oklahoma all the time now that never used to happen. And all that's directly attributed to fracking. They're drilling these giant holes in the ground and pumping all this water in there and fluids and all this shit that they use for fracking. It's going to energize people and get people to understand that there's real consequences

to just thinking about money. And also how ridiculous it is that a guy who has more money than he could ever fucking possibly spend is only thinking about money. In his mind, he's thinking about America. He's thinking about people prospering and getting jobs and this and that. But clearly, it's not just that. Clearly, there's some personal profit that's being extracted from all this. Of course.

Oh, yeah. It's like his people. He's hiring them. And look, I love Oprah. She's a delight. But for the left to go like, let's have Oprah be president. How about NBC's Twitter page? This is our president.

Capital letter. Our president. No, no, no. Oprah. Let's hire another celebrity who isn't qualified to be the president. Oprah, I just want to tell everybody. Do you guys remember the secret? Remember the fucking secret?

Yes. Go back when Oprah was telling everybody, you can have anything you want you just gotta imagine it like like what what the fuck are we watching it's just it's not great to also be like let's have this other celebrity be president she's a wonderful lady wonderful i don't have any problem with oprah but i just think what we should have is someone who is extremely educated who is incredibly nuanced and well thought out opinions on things. And someone who's got a really good grasp of what it takes to run a democracy. Let's stop electing rich celebrities to run our country. We tried it.

Didn't work. Didn't work out so well. Well, you know, maybe it worked out if you're an oil man. Maybe it worked out if you're in the mining industry. And then it's like just tricky. It's like the idea of being like, I don't think Oprah should be our next president. It's like, well, you're sexist. It's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

You're racist. No, I'm not. It's like we should be able to say we don't think certain people are qualified. It's also crazy. Stop yelling at me. Do you read your comments on Instagram? Should I just stop? No.

You never do. No. Very, very rarely. Sometimes I'll look in and I'll see someone that's a dick and I'll just stop? No. You never do? No. So smart. Very, very rarely. Sometimes I'll look in and I'll see someone that's a dick and I'll just block them. Fuck.

Just like, what? Because I try to like engage and like try to like see what's going on but the kind of shit is just too insane. It's not worth it. You just put out good things.

Try to be nice. And is that a crazy person or is that a person that masquerades as being sane and then behind closed doors is crazy? Could be both. Mix of both.

Could be both. Did you ever hear about that guy that got fired from Reddit and he was saying awful shit on Reddit and posting all these terrible things and they found out his personal identity and they went after him and then got him fired from his job and it devastated his life. I think I was married with kids and his life completely fell apart. Yeah. People enjoy being a cunt anonymously. They enjoy it.

One of the things that I found on Instagram, if someone says something really particularly heinous, you go to their page, they're almost always private. They almost always have like a blocked page because they're cowards. There's just a lot of like very deeply unhappy people that will lash out at anybody that's in the public spotlight, like you.

Especially a woman. Crazy question. Okay. If a man, this happened to someone i know if a man is engaging with relationships uh with other women on the internet as a character is it cheating no it's just he's having a character role play yeah i'm well who is he an artist is he a writer no no like in a in a you know just sort of pretty adrenaline free job yeah he's probably fucking completely bored out of his mind that gives him a charge is it like a video game because i was like this feels kind of like a video game

in a little in a little bit of a way it is it's role playing yeah you know it's like a simulation right in a little way it's just being deceptive. Right. Maybe it's fantasy. Right. Maybe he wishes he was someone different. Yeah. Like, is that if your wife is online as a different person engaging with men.

Sending pictures of her own pussy. Ugh. That's when it gets weird. Dicey. Right. Pussy flying through the air. Literally. You know who's here?

This is what's going to win. Fleshlights. I wonder if the sale of Fleshlights is going to go up. No, robots. That's what's going to win. Sex robots. Sex robots are going to win. Totally agree.

They're closing in. But to your point about the, do you think that that also works the muscle of dehumanizing? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And also changes your reward system. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. And also changes your reward system. Like instead of like learning to be an interesting, charismatic person who's caring and kind and reaping the rewards of real relationships with people that care about you and you care about them and understanding real true love. Right. Instead of that, you're fucking this robot. I cannot. Like, is it cheating if he fucks a robot? Like, I can't have that fight. I can't.

I can't do it. Did you fuck the robot or not? I can't have that fight. I can't. I can't do it. Did you fuck the robot or not? I can't have that fight. I can't do this. What do you do about that? What do we do? Did you fuck the robot? Tell me the truth.

Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't fuck Siri. What do we do? I can't. Is a robot bad, but a fleshlight okay? Yeah, because there's no head, I guess. If there's eyeballs, it gets very dicey. That weird fake robot eyeballs. Is the robot skinnier than me?

Is she prettier than me? I just want to make sure the robots have wrinkles, a couple of crow's feet. Giant anime eyes. Yes, I don't want them being too... We got to make sure these robots... You see your dick, they faint. We got it. They giggle.

They laugh at your bad jokes. We have to make sure these robots aren't too pretty. They got to be ugly. It's not going to happen. They're going to be hot as fuck. They're going your bad jokes. They touch their chest. We have to make sure these robots aren't too pretty. They got to be ugly. It's not going to happen. They're going to be hot as fuck. They're going to be perfect. I don't like this one bit. You posted that thing of that robot jumping.

Did you fucking see that? Crazy is that. That was the scariest. There's so many of them. Did you ever see that episode of Black Mirror called Metalhead? The new one? Is that what it's called? I haven't seen the new one.

Oh my God. The new season of Black Mirror is fucking insane. And one of the episodes has a bunch of robots that are going after people and it's called Metalhead. I don't want to say any more. Okay. It's terrifying because it's very realistic. Incredibly realistic and probably represents something that's going to exist in the future.

Or maybe it's going to go the other way. I'm going to be like, baby, can you just fuck the robot tonight? Maybe. I'm tired. That's when you know it's over. I just ate too much. Send them over to the robot because you've got las exist in the future. Or maybe it's going to go the other way. I'm going to be like, baby, can you just fuck the robot tonight? Maybe. I'm tired. That's when you know it's over. I just ate too much. Send him over to the robot because you've got lasagna in your stomach. Please don't impale my lasagna. Maybe you'll allow him to fuck robots, but the robot has to

look exactly like you. You have a spare. The problem is that we'd get the robot, we'd order it, it would come in, I'd be like, is that what I look like? I have too dysmorphic. And you'd put your hand up and just'd order it, it would come in and be like, is that what I look like? I'm too dysmorphic. And you'd put your hand up and just like a mirror, it would put its hand up and you'd both like move perfectly in sync. It would be a nightmare.

It would have to age with me though. It would have to age. It would have to get older. When I get older, it'd have to get wrinkles and gray hairs and shit. You'd take it outside and drag it through the dirt. Of course, they're all Asian. Did you see the woman Grace Wu at the march? Hello? Hello? Oh, is that a dick? I've never seen one.

I'm getting lightheaded. I can't do it. No, I didn't see a woman at the march. There was an actress named Grace Wu who talked about sort of the fetishization of Asian women. Well, get over it, bitch. She's just bragging. That women well get over it bitch she's bragging

that's what she's doing she's bragging oh everybody just wants to fuck and I'm so tired that's my thing of fucking free the nipple

I'm like only girls with great tits want to free the nipple now you're just you're just bragging yeah got those leather tits no women in their 40s

are like let's free the nipple it's all like hot chicks yeah you know I see what they're doing yeah I don't want to free the nipple. Wendy Cummings, let's wrap this up.

When's your movie out? It's out February 9th. The Female Brain. It's about all of this shit. It's about all of this sort of stuff. Where will it be? It's going to be in movie theaters and then it's going to be on VOD. It's got Blake Griffin, Will Sasso is in it. Neil Brennan is in it. Will Sasso is hilarious.

Hilarious. Funny dude. I gotta get him in here. He has a scene with Blake Griffin where he plays his physical therapist and it's fucking hysterical. I could not cut it. It's really great. Whitney Cummings, ladies and gentlemen! Give her a big e-hug.

Oh, yeah. Oh, God.