The Joe Rogan Experience - #1083 - Dom Irrera

Episode Date: February 22, 2018

Dom Irrera is a stand up comedian, and also hosts his own podcast called “Dom Irrera Live from The Laugh Factory" available on Spotify.

And four and three and two and one Dominic What a way to lead the show there Joe Rogan. I like to do it that way I don't know why I've been talking to you like that forever, but I know you we always go into these Irish accents They would throw us out of Ireland with those exits. I think it was when you started touring in Ireland on a regular basis Uh-huh. That's a long time Joe. Yeah, but you you've always been touring in Ireland on a regular basis. That's a long time, Joe. Yeah, but you've always been touring in Ireland. I remember you talking about how great Ireland was decades ago.

Yeah. Yeah, you've always loved it there, huh? I've been to the Kilkenny Festival more than any other white guy. No, I mean American. How long have you been there? How many times? I think like 22. Holy shit. Rich Hall also went a lot, but he's based in London.

I'm the only one that actually still comes over. Rich Hall. Remember him? He did the Sniglets. He was on Saturday Night Live. He's based in London now? Yeah, he likes it better there. Huh.

He still works here once in a while. He's got a place in Montana, but he was on Saturday Night Live, and he did that Sniglets book, and it was a big smash. I paid to see him live when I was one week into comedy. He was performing at Stitches, and I went there live to see him. Oh, Stitches in Boston. Yeah. So he lives in London now. Is he still doing stand-up?

Yeah, yeah. I saw him at the Laugh Factory in Vegas a couple weeks ago. Him, Harris Peet, and Blake Clark. He always used Harris Peet. He would take Harris Peet on the road with him, and Harris Peet used to watch his Montana plays for him. Right always used Harris Pete. Like, he would take Harris Pete on the road with him and Harris Pete used to watch his Montana plays for him. Right. That's hilarious.

He was a joyless doorman. Like, he made the comedy experience tense and miserable. Yeah. But he was pretty funny. He was rough as a doorman. Harris is, but he's one of those old staples

of the comedy store. Yeah. It's almost kind of weird not having him around. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he made it so uninviting, you know? Yeah. Just have a smile, show to people, you know, they're going to have a good time.

He made it like a military thing, you know? Yeah, it wasn't good. Yeah. And then there was Chewy, who was always the guy who was sort of working the door. You could get anything you wanted or anything you needed from Chewy. Yeah, allegedly. You know, he played guitar at the House of Blues across the street, and he was really good. Yeah.

He was with this group, and I was thinking, 30 feet away, you're like the schlub who's, like, you know, running around trying to sell, you know, coke or whatever he was doing. And here you're like a big star. Like, it's so close, yet so far, you know. Yeah, he used to headline at the house of blues we would all go over and see him he was fucking good man very good yeah his band where's he at i don't know wow i've been seeing him years you haven't seen that guy in literally forever well this whole uh renaissance the comedy store has happened since you came back, and the guys, and they started filtering back Bill Burr, and Chris DiLeo came in, you know.

But when he was here, it was some slow nights, man. Oh, yeah. You know when you know the place is slow when Paulie and I are the most famous people? It's not a good sign. I'm not putting myself down, but let's face it. You need a little more than the two of us. Yeah, it's weird there now, isn't it? You go there now, it's like it's mobbed.

You can't even get through the hallways. I know, it's incredible. I mean, you know, like you always think, what's going on? It's nothing. It's just a regular night. But you'll have something in the main room or Sam Tripoli. It's incredible. Tuesday night main room full.

That was unheard of. Yeah, Tuesday night main room sold out while the OR sold out while the belly room sold out. Yeah. On Tuesday night. It's crazy. It's good though. It's great for us.

It's fun. Yeah, well, I love the crowds there. I mean, I really get something out of all three clubs. I really do.

the Laugh Factory is like college kids and foreign students and foreign people and the Comedy Store to me is the most cross-pollinated, like in the sense that there's so many more tourists because of hotels, you know?

Right. And then the Improv is kind of like Hollywood Slick. Yeah, yeah. And then there's the Improv Lab, which I just can't get a read on. I've done it a couple times just for the challenge. And, man, they sit there, and then all of a sudden they laugh. It, like, scares you because they were sitting there. It was quiet. It of a sudden they laugh. It like scares you because they were sitting there. It was quiet.

It's a weird little room. Yeah, they're very discerning. That's like the hip spot there. The thing is that room used to be a great room when it was set up the other way. I liked it the other way too. The other way was amazing when it was that whole bar area. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you know, I just, the thing is, I don't know, you don't do the multiple shows. You do them all at the store. I do some of them, some nights I'll do the improv and then I'll jet over to the store too. I don't really do the factory anymore. Yeah. But if I can do it, if I do an early show at the store, sometimes I'll do the ice house as well. Well, you'll do benefits there once in a while yeah that's the way bill bill does it too it's like you know whatever makes you happy you know we've talked about this it's like

i just love the idea and i know you do you have a thought and you can go on that night yeah you know i mean what imagine like you know an actor can't do that no it's giant too because sometimes that thought is funny to you right there in that moment, and you know why it's funny to you, and you might forget why it's funny the next day. You might have a little napkin with something written down, tampons, Kleenex, paper towels. Well, I don't carry tampons anymore. Anymore? Because my rectal bleeding has ceased.

Come on, I started with it. I don't think that's the way to go with rectal bleeding. I think there's other options. I think you're... Did you ever get colonoscopy? No. Colonoscopy, right? Yeah.

Anyway, people ask me, I was saying something, they go, it's funny. I said, I don't think these college kids want to hear about that. No. You know, it's not the kind of subject I would bring up. It's bad enough I'm older than them. I don't want to bring up stuff that hasn't happened to them yet. Yeah, stuff that they're never going to understand. Likezheimer's hey kids you know what about alzheimer's disease right what's the name of that disease i can't remember the name yeah well we were talking jamie we were talking uh i was talking

the power of this podcast not to stroke you but you know you know how strong it is when i went to australia it doesn't not even think of all these boys were there. And they were like busting my chops about not knowing how. Do you remember we did a thing about how much does a gorilla weigh? And you were much closer than I was. And they were busting my balls about not knowing how much. Rogan beat you on that one, you know. Isn't that funny? Fucking Australia. Of course, it's about wildlife over there. I got a buddy, my buddy Adam Greentree, he's always trying to get me to come over to Australia. And every time I find something online that can kill you from Australia, I send it to him.

I'm like, fuck you. Yeah, but you never see that stuff. You got to go to the outback for that. Well, that's where he wants to take me. Why would you want to go there? You might as well just go to the Mojave. Bow hunting. There's a lot of bow hunting in Australia.

Bow hunting? Bow. Oh, bow. Like archery. Can you do that? In Australia? No, can you do it? Are you good with a bow and arrow?

For real? Yeah. That's where I got that. Wow. You didn't know I bow hunted? Can't believe I never told you that. No. I've been doing it for years.

I've seen pictures of you and Brian. Hunting. Hunting, yeah. With a bear and stuff. With rifles. and stuff With rifles Was that with rifles? Do you have any idea how much more of a man you are than I am? I'm not thinking about it that often

No but I'm not But I never I mean I don't hunt I don't do anything To me it's like a big deal to have somebody drive me to Vegas I feel like an adventurer I don't think it has anything to do with being a man Well I just think you don't think it has Anything to do with Being a man Well

Just think You don't have The same interests as me That's the beautiful thing About America Dom O'Rare Do whatever the fuck you want Thank you for telling me About the country

That we love But I I just don't I don't know I mean The whole idea Of sleeping out in the woods And all

It's fun I enjoy it I enjoy five star hotels I enjoy those too 24 hour room service I like that as well That's room service I like that as well That's nice too I like that as well

But I do like getting up Opening up the tent Looking out Just seeing a mountain Filled with trees And hearing the birds chirp And put your boots on Having a cup of coffee

That's warmed up by a fire I love all that Must be very funny With you and Callan Callan is one of the funniest guys That's ever lived When it comes to just hanging out and bullshitting. Definitely. With a small group of people.

Yeah. We did the first time I ever... Yeah, his energy, and he knows how to make shit laugh. Yeah. We did this hunt in Montana in 2012. It was like six or seven days in the Missouri breaks, which is like a real wild place. You don't see any people. There's no cell phone signals.

And it was six solid days of gay jokes coming out of Callan. And, I mean, gay jokes like Callan being gay with us, like wanting to have sex with us or wanting us to have sex with him. And just it never stopped being funny. He's fucking hilarious. Now, do you get all this down? Does anybody cover it for a show someday? Yeah, that was for a show. That was for a show called Meat Eater.

It's a hunting show that my friend Steve Rinella has. And we've done that show three times. Four? Four times. We've done that show four times. Does your wife mind you going on these trips? No. She likes it.

And the meat is amazing. You know, you come back with wild game. I can't imagine killing something and then eating it. That's so... But you just eaten meat right there. What, the chicken? Yeah. But I don't think of it as like...

Of course, because you didn't kill it. Do you ever think of like salamiami as being part of an animal? To me, it's just this little thing that runs around. They cut its legs off and make a sandwich. Well, I think about it that way. Now I think about it as meat. But yeah, I always just thought about it as salami. It's very convenient.

Yeah. It's very convenient to think about things that way. And you lose that convenience when you hunt. You get a weird connection with your food that um some people just don't want and i understand that too that some people just want to be able to go to the grocery store pick up a little styrofoam container that has a steak in it take it home cook it they're good and they're fine with that that's fine too so you've killed stuff and eaten it there i've killed stuff and eaten it there? I've killed stuff and eaten it in the woods. Wow. Yeah. Or eaten part of it, obviously.

And then you freeze it? Yeah. Yeah, you bring it home and freeze it. When did you start this, Joe? 2012. So six years ago. More like five and a half. And is it a crossbow or what are you using?

No. A compound bow. Looks like a regular bow, but it has wheels at the top that are called cams and then the cams when it turns over gives you a mechanical advantage it makes the bow more powerful good that's cool it's intense i like the crossbows yeah those are good but it's really just like a shitty gun that's what a crossbow is it's like you're just shooting a stick instead of like you're you know You can rest it and look through that like you could put it on a rest

Actually and look through the scope and then squeeze the trigger like a rifle It's not nearly as difficult as a regular bow now that you ever shoot an animal hit it, and then it ran away Unfortunately yes, I did that on TV. I did that with that Meteor show. Yeah, there was a problem with the rifle. The rifle scope was off. I had fallen, and the rifle scope was installed by one of the guys as we got there. We changed scopes because there was a sponsor of the company, a sponsor of the show, rather, and they put a different rifle scope on and shot a deer with it, and it was wounded and what it didn't die. Yeah, that's kind of suck. It was horrible. I mean, I'm sure They sure had died within a couple hours, but we couldn't get to it in time. Yeah, we couldn't find it

I'd rather just hit it with a car Well, that's one of the problems were where we were in Wisconsin like at nighttime. You got to drive slow. Oh, yeah They're fucking everywhere they're darting out into the middle of the road especially when what's called the rut kicks in do you know what the rut is down there the deer get oh honey that's what i was thinking yeah yeah they rut they rut around they get fucking crazy they get so crazy they'll just like walk right into traffic and just stare at cars i'll fuck anything anything. I don't know what they're doing. I mean, there's videos of moose trying to fuck bales of hay during the rut.

Like, they literally lose their mind. They have no idea what's going on. The moose are like nine feet or something? They're gigantic. Yeah. A good-sized moose, like a good-sized Canadian moose, could be 1,800 pounds. Holy shit. Yeah.

You can't even imagine how big that is. You don't eat them, do you? Yeah, yeah shot one of those In the other room you have moose burgers here. Yeah. Yeah, I've got moose burgers. Yeah I've got something left over. Yeah, I got a lot of elk burger. That's an elk that big guy on the wall back there Wow They're delicious. So good for you, too. It's like the best meat you can ever oh, yeah It doesn't even look the same. It looks like a deep, dark red. I don't know how psychological.

It's obviously psychological, but certain meats, like rabbit, I can't eat. And I don't know why, because I'll eat chicken. It doesn't really make sense. Are you a Bugs Bunny fan? Yeah. Big hardcore. Hardcore? Did you get the tattoo?

Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it. Can we talk about this off the air, please? it's embarrassing i know i know um yeah a lot of people get real attached to rabbits but chickens are like they're heartless little dinosaurs they're noisy and yeah yeah um chickens they're they're you know they're basically a lizard just a lizard with feathers. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you pluck all that shit off and look at them.

Like, what is that? What's a bird? It's a flying lizard. Not a good-looking animal. Do they know whether or not pterodactyls... I just found out from my seven-year-old that pterodactyls are not dinosaurs. Really? Yeah, she corrected me.

They came in a different period? I don't know. She told me they're not dinosaurs, and we Googled it, and she was right. They came in a different period? I don't know. She told me they're not dinosaurs, and we Googled it, and she was right. And I was like, how am I so stupid? They're not dinosaurs. And then I was thinking, you know, we always had those images of pterodactyls where they were flying around, and they had, like, bat-like wings, right? Right.

What do you got, Jamie? You got something for me? That's what it says. It says they lived at the same time, but they're not actually dinosaurs. What makes it a dinosaur, technically? It's a good question. Somehow but they're not actually dinosaurs. What makes it a dinosaur, technically? That's a good question. Somehow, they're not actually dinosaurs. They were flying creatures, and paleontologists keep telling us that dinosaurs are birds.

So the di- what? Wait a minute. Yeah. They're petrosaurus, but that doesn't make any sense because dinosaurs are birds. So birds became dinosaurs, but pterodactyls, who could fly, are not dinosaurs. Well, isn't the bird the closest descendant of dinosaurs? Yes. Yeah. They're not dinosaurs, so what the hell

are they? Here's the thing, like when they show that image of them with the skin for wings instead of bats, I don't know if they know if that's real. I don't know if that's based on what they absolutely know or like what they think because they're starting to think that a lot of dinosaurs had feathers now this is pretty

recently i was in the museum in bozeman montana there's a museum like a natural history type museum and they have like a split image of a dinosaur like like a raptor, and it's covered with feathers. Wow. Yeah, because they think it's entirely possible that a lot of the dinosaurs were covered in feathers. I didn't know that. There's just not as much fossilized remains of it. I didn't know that man never lived with dinosaurs. Really?

At the same period, yeah. I didn't know that until a couple years ago. You really didn't know? I thought cavemen, you know, because they always show them like in cartoons. I was going by the Flintstones. You really didn't know? Well, I mean. You're a real comic, Dom.

I guess I am. You don't pay attention to shit. Outside of telling jokes. Thank God I can do that decently, Joe. What would I do? I have no skills. I like to teach kids. I like teaching fourth grade, and that was about it.

Well, you like having fun. Well, if you teach kids, don't teach them about dinosaurs. What did you teach? Paleontology. I taught everything. I taught everything because it was Catholic school. I taught everything but the smart kids math because I was dumb. I stuck with the dumb kids, and we would split the class.

I'd go, come on, you retards, come with me, with me which you couldn't say now yeah you couldn't say that now you get in serious trouble you'd be on the front page of usa today you know i still have kids that get in touch with me really yeah they said it makes me feel so good that it was the best year of their lives as far as going to school because i really and we had fucking fun i would go in my speech was i want to go to the gym more than you guys do so don't mess it up for me and you got to learn some of this stuff i don't know why i hate it too you know i'd be like kind of honest right and they dug it and we had just we said we had dance contests and everything it was hilarious i had this one kid tyrone dunn he was like a baby james brown he could do a split, a complete split, and then get himself up without touching anything.

Wow. Yeah, amazing. Like James Brown? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, well, when you're a kid and you're going to school, like anyone who has any spark of life is exciting. I still, to this day, think about some of the teachers that I had in high school. I had two really good had in high school i

had two really good teachers in high school one lady i wish i could remember her name and one guy who was a spanish teacher that i'm pretty sure fucked one of my friends who was a girl oh yeah thanks for clearing it up he was a young guy he was like 25 years old, and she was hot. And I know that they were like talking a lot, and she was 17, he was 25, and I'm pretty sure he fucked her. I'm almost positive. She was very sexually aggressive. And she was advanced for her time, both physically and mentally. Like she was one of those girls, like you knew she was not going to last in that town.

She's going to get the fuck out of there. I remember I did this clean show at that hotel in San Diego. I forget what it was. Where the Sun Lake at Hot was. It's a clean show? Del Coronado.

I did a clean show, like an early show at 7 o'clock on a Saturday. They make you be clean? Oh, they can only make you be so clean. But the thing I was getting at was there was these 15-year-old boys there, right, and they're with their parents.

You could tell their parents were a little snooty. So I said, 15, what a great age. And this can be a dangerous thing to say. I said, you know what's great about being 15? You can nail a 15-year-old girl and not go to jail for the rest of your life. Right? And the kids were crying right like and the kids were crying laughing and the parents were really they looked like they wanted to pull them out of there

you know oh yeah parents don't want kids fucking you know hilarious well if they're both 15 yeah you really can't get in trouble well the girl could get pregnant yeah that's no bueno but like the idea that you're going to stop them. Like, hey, you stop doing that thing that feels better than anything you're ever going to do at school, at work. Don't do that, though. All of your cells in your body are compelling you in that direction. But don't do that. But don't do it.

Your whole body, your DNA, your thoughts are haunted. Your whole body, your DNA, your thoughts are haunted. Everything is wrapped around like tits and ass and legs and feet and mouths. Don't do it. I remember the first time I whacked off in my bedroom in Philly. And I came so much that I thought I'll never have children. I really did. I swear, Joe, I thought I emptied it. That's how you train the tank.

It just kept coming. Oh, no. Like, flow, like, flow, gushes. Yeah. Isn't it amazing how far you would shoot back then, too? Oh. The distance was insane. Knock your eye out from putt.

We Googled it, and we think, I think, if I remember correctly, the furthest a guy ever jizzed was, like, 29 feet. Holy shit. Yeah. I can't even throw it that far. I don't remember making that search. You blacked it out of your memory like a childhood molestation. There was this guy, Lenny Schultz.

I remember Crazy Lenny. Oh, you do? Yeah. He used to do a bit about jerking off a midget. He goes, I jerk off the midget, and he would come in the air, and then I would bat his cum onto the crowd. What the fuck? Yeah, I know.

Crazy Lenny. What do you say to that? Oh, good. I see you writing, always writing. He used to fucking walk on stage with a Smokey the Bear doll, and he would hold the doll up and say, only you can prevent forest fires. And he goes, shut the fuck up, and punches the bear. It didn't make any sense and you were crying laughing he was one of those guys that was just fucking funny from the look on his face to everything he said he just knew how to he was his own unique style he just knew how to be funny well he had that psychotic funny too like he looked like a guy who would pet a pigeon and go, yeah, sure, daddy loves you,

and then snap its neck and go, what did I do? Exactly. Daddy loved you. Exactly. You're crazy. And then chuck it aside and keep moving on with his act. He grabs the bear. Only you can prevent Forrest Farris.

Shut the fuck up. Boom. Punches the dog. We remember Jimbo's place in Montreal? Yeah, of course. Comedy Works. That's where we were. That's where I saw Crazy Lenny.

Well, that was probably around the first time I met you then. Probably, yeah. Like 93-ish, somewhere in that range. I remember meeting you at the Club Soda. Yeah, that was fun. And then we ran into each other again at Amsterdam Billiards. Right. And we started shooting pool.

And I was like, oh, this time we're here to praise the pool. There's only a few of us that play the pool. Artie Lang plays real good pool. Does he? Yep, very good. Fitzsimmons was here yesterday. He plays real good. Yeah, Greg and I just played at the Improv.

They used to have a quarter table upstairs. Oh, really? Yeah, for years. Oh, the setup up there Is very nice down now At the improv Yeah That whole green room With the

The podcast studio Yeah that is cool Very nice It's a good setup We're plugging the shit Out of these cloaks Oh that's what we do Down there

Yeah like Out of Guys who play pool Like comics who play pool It's a fucking small Group of us Yeah Not that many

Who else? Somebody else plays good I think Adam Ferrara plays Yes Ferrara plays very good a fucking small group of us. Not that many. Who else? Somebody else plays good. I think Adam Ferrara plays. Yes. Ferrara plays very good. Adam plays very good. Yeah. He was at my house playing,

but I know I never get you back there because there's too many obstacles. You've got to jack up. You have one of those little baby cues. Well, Joe, who has room like this? Who has 50 feet on each side of a pool table? Well, we're going to stream some stuff from here. We're going to eventually stream pool matches. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to set up cameras and just talk shit and

have a live stream. You ever heard of Twitch? Do you know what Twitch is? No. Twitch is a streaming service where you play games on it, mostly video games. Most people use it for video games. But we've been talking to them about doing video games and then I'm thinking we might do some pool matches as well and even some archery well put me up against tosh all right you're going to i like to play a little bit but i just i always beat him you know oh psychological advantage i don't know i love beating him that and i'm shooting baskets because because he calls me old man grandpa and all this shit so i want to beat him in something uh you know what i'm

modeling some of the what i do after tosh in that he doesn't do any interviews he's like i do enough it's so fucking smart he's so smart he's like he knows how to not be overexposed and i've i've fucked that up in the past and now i i'm just like when i get here when i get requests for interviews i'm like what i've said i say much already. I'm already talking too much. You notice I never ask you again because you did me the favor and I don't want to push it. But the fact is we had Jamie to fuck around with that time. So, you know, I'm not going to really nail you on an interview. Oh, you mean on your podcast?

Yeah. That's different. I do friends podcasts all the time. But it's like interviews and real shows and stuff like that it's like you got nothing to gain joe yeah you're famous enough and daniel's right i mean what what are you going to get good out of that like doing uh jimmy kimmel doing doing five minutes you probably wouldn't want to do the stand-up even though it's your favorite thing and then you go over to the panel and you know like i like craig like Craig Ferguson only because it was improv.

Right, right, right. Well, I think that sitting down and talking to someone should be like this. You really want to get to know somebody? Oh, yeah. You should talk to them like this. Have a real conversation with them. Having a conversation with someone when you're under the gun of five minutes and, you know, there's a band there and you're sitting sideways and you're at the desk and i'm sitting over like this and you know we're talking about some project that i'm doing it's like a quick pitch you have like a quick story that you can tell and just so i understand you

rent a car when you come into town what's that like that's funny dumb you know uh i do rent a car and i always take the insurance you know know why? Because I drive like a fucking maniac. You people here on Highway 95, what are you, nuts? What is going on with the drivers in Los Angeles? Turn to the audience. I did Ferguson's show once and he gave me the wrong plug. I had already worked at the Denver club that you like so much. Comedy Works? Yeah, I'd already worked that and they plugged it on. I came out. I said, Craig, you've got a really cracked staff here. I already worked that gig.

I said, but I'm so hot. I'm white hot in this business. They have to post-plug things so there won't be a riot. And he said, well, we'll just start it over because they're filming it. And I said, no, I've got a spot in a couple hours. I ain't starting it over. And we got in a fake argument. It was the most fun I ever had doing live stand-up.

Because I said, let me go sit in your high chair and judge me like a little joke monkey. And then I'll come over and we'll say funny stuff there, too. Well, he's just doing stand-up now. Yeah. And he's got a podcast. Yeah. It's on Sirius, too, as well. Yeah.

But just got tired of doing his show. Wasn't his name Hitler or something? Whoa. Really? I think so. His name's Hitler? Craig Ferguson? What kind of a fucking

asshole for a parent? If you're born with the name of Hitler, I don't care how far you get away from that. I can't remember the whole name, but I think Hitler was in the name.

In the name? Like Hitlersburg? I don't know. Hitlerstein? He's Scottish, right? Yeah. What is it? It says Bing Hitler.

What? It's like something he did in the 80s, it looks like. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Bing Hitler. Yeah. Oh, was it a character that he was doing? Yeah, yeah. Oh.

I wish we could play it. Oh, Jesus Christ. Look at him. That's hilarious. He looks like he's 12. He looks like he's a kid in school. He really does. Look at how young-faced he is with his fake act with his hair all fucked up.

Give me some wine. Wow. That accent. It's insane. So much thicker, isn't it? Wow. That stuff, mezcal from Mexico. Wow.

What the fuck is that about? So he had a character. That was the character that he'd do and the character he would go crazy with it Yeah, well there was a time and there's still color is still a time where we're enthralled by mediocre people with fake accents Yeah, not fake accents, but you know accents from other places foreign accents. I should say not fake. I also it's like the thing that bothers me and I I love stand-up, and it was when a guy acts so different, like, all of a sudden he goes into this character. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Instead of, I mean, the funniest guys to me are guys that do characters, but they're themselves. Yeah. And they talk real, like, you know, and that's why, I mean, you and Burr, you're the same guys on and off stage. You know, when we're talking, sometimes you get silly, sometimes you're serious. Right. Just be yourself, yeah.

I know what you're saying. Be sincere. But you can be just as fucking goofy as you want, but don't stay in that. Yeah. It's so hacky to me. It can be. I'm always waiting for someone to do it right. I don't want to pass judgment.

Like, maybe one guy comes along and he's in character all the time, but it's fucking hilarious. It's possible. I just watched Jim carrey on the uh when he did andy kaufman yeah it was fucking amazing oh that was that the documentary that that was yeah that sprang sprang from that but i was watching the movie last night i forget what it's called uh something man on the moon yeah man on the moon yeah boy jim's good oh he's brilliant you know what's really interesting with him he's taken like a severe um psychological and i guess philosophical turn where he's he's just thought about life and things so he must have had like some psychedelic experiences too i think so sounds like it yeah because he's just talking about like what matters and what doesn't matter and you know and there's a bunch of like interviews and uh clips of him discussing things where you're like whoa like

this guy does not he's not talking like jim carrey the world famous a-list actor who's had gigantic smash movies he's not talking like that at all he's like talking like some actor who's had gigantic smash movies. He's not talking like that at all. He's talking like some guy who's just trying to sort of understand his place in the universe in this really profound way. He's a very well thought out guy.

Did you watch this thing about him painting? No. It just came out a couple months ago. Didn't we play this where some of his paintings are really cool? They're like in neon and shit. Yeah, but he talks about it. He says some of the stuff that he's been thinking about and dealing with and whatnot. So it's called I Need Color, and it's on Vimeo. Yeah. So folks, go check that out.

Joe, did I tell you about the little part I have in I'm Dying Up Here? No. Okay, so I play Fitzy Anderson because they wouldn't let me use Fritzy Anderson. Remember Fritzy Anderson? No. Is this thing on? Hello? Oh, your character. Yeah. And they wouldn't let me use Fritzie Anderson. Remember Fritzie Anderson? No. Is this thing on? Hello? Oh, your character.

Yeah. And they wouldn't let me. Why wouldn't they let you do that? They said Fritzie was a slur to Germans. What? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. So anyway, I go in the comedy store on a Thursday night.

Why I was there? Just to practice. I know, like, real. I'm trying a couple lines and doing some shit. And Jim's in the audience. He comes out. He hugs me. Anyway, like, real, I'm trying a couple lines and doing some shit. And Jim's in the audience. He comes out. He hugs me. Anyway, long story short, he was with his wife, his ex-wife, and their daughter was ill.

And she's a great girl. She's a really good singer, too, by the way. But anyway, they start talking. And he said, I forgot how fucking funny Dom was. He goes, I want to put him in this show. And Melissa goes, well, I'll tell you one thing. He's not going to dance for you. You want him? I'll ask him. But he goes I want to put him in this show and Melissa goes well tell you one thing he's not gonna dance for you you want him I'll ask him but he ain't gonna audition he goes I'm not gonna make him audition I've known him for fucking 30 years anyway that's how I got the part and that funny just

randomly randomly he was he came in to look for young comedians I am NOT one of them if you could tell by my receding hairline but But, yeah, I mean, isn't that amazing? I mean, just there on a Thursday night, randomly. Is that show still going on? Yeah, we're shooting 10 more. I know I'm doing an alcoholic the whole time. I never watched it. I watched one episode, and I thought it was pretty good,

but I heard that it was... It got better. Yeah, I heard that it was improving. That's what I heard was improving yeah I heard well you know all those things start yeah do you remember Seinfeld the beginning I remember news radio the show I did in the beginning it was clunky yeah it took a while to really get rolling yeah to get the rhythm what it is yeah sitcoms are very difficult you know I mean one of the reasons why people like oh why aren't there any good sitcoms in the air well goddamn it's hard to do well Well, this is a serious one. Like, I'm kind of the comic relief on this because it's about, like, comedians, but not like, you know, when we goof around.

Hi, Joe is a frog. Right. You don't see hardly any of that. You see them more, like, jealous of each other. Yeah. They're showing the dark side of it. The woman who plays the Mitzi part is Melissa Leo. She won the Academy Award for some boxing movie, I forget.

But she's playing Mitzi really serious. And I don't want to say anything because she's a great actress, but if I were asked to give one note, I would say Mitzi really had a fun side to her. Mitzi, by the way, for those of you who don't know, is the owner of the comedy store. Pauly Shore's mom. She brought us two things. One of them was awesome. No.

Just kidding, Pauly. Has he been on the show? Yeah, he's been on. Yeah. I like Pauly. He's a sweet guy. He's a good guy to be around. He gives people hugs and shit.

And like all of us. He's trying. He's trying to grow up. Yeah. Like, he gives people hugs and shit. And like all of us. He's trying. He's trying to grow up. Yeah. Well, he had a hard life. I mean, can you imagine being babysat by Sam Kinison? No. I mean, what in the fuck?

What kind of crazy shit is that? Argus Hamilton sleeping with your mom. Argus and Sam Kinison hanging around your house. Everybody's doing blow. Yeah. And you're going, what, buddy? It's the week, so. He was gigantic at one point in time.

Who, Sam? Well, Sam was for sure, but so was Pauly. Oh, Pauly, yeah. Pauly was gigantic. Was it the weasel? I mean, when he was doing movies like In the Army Now with Andy Dick. Remember that? Jesus Christ.

It was huge. He had a three-picture deal. Encino Man. That was another one. Biodome. Remember he did Biodome? Yeah. It was huge. He had a three-picture deal. Encino Man. That was another one. Biodome. Remember he did Biodome? Yeah. With Stephen Baldwin.

It was a good movie. I enjoyed it. Don't look at me like that. I hear some people talk about Son-in-Law all the time. Yeah, he's fucking funny. Those movies were fucking funny. I don't know what he did wrong or where it went wrong. Sometimes I think people just get bored bored they just want some new person right tell you who's hot right now is

tiffany haddish oh jew dude i love that girl you jew jew i was trying to jew she's i was trying to say jewish by the way is she yeah she's ethno-opium jewish no kidding. Tiffany Hatch is the person who told me about sickle cell anemia being related to malaria. That people who have a resistance to malaria develop the trait for sickle cell anemia. Wow. And that's where the origins of it are apparently. Isn't that crazy? It's primarily a Jewish and a black disease, right? Is it a Jewish disease as well? More Jews and blacks get it than any other oh that's interesting I did not know that I thought it was just blacks I had a friend of mine who died from it really yeah my friend Walter yep from back when I was fighting you I remember and I would

love to see you fight Joe I was a different guy man i was very intense i wasn't very funny did you ever think you'd be a comedian when you were in those days no i didn't think i was funny i made people laugh but the people that i made laugh were all psychos they were all like guys that i was training and fighting with and i was just like i felt like we were all freaks you know because we were martial artists that were traveling literally all around the country and entering into these full contact tournaments. You don't have any video? I have some video. There's a video of me on YouTube.

Really? I've been knocking somebody out. No kidding. Yeah, when I was 19 in Connecticut. You think you could beat me in a fight? Basketball court? No. I couldn't.

I love you too much. I just hold you. Well, you know what you do, which is really interesting for a guy that's strong. You never. That's me right there. That's me in the blue. I kick that guy and launch him. That's all I have.

I have some other video on my computer somewhere of some uneventful round of some Taekwondo tournament. There's a guy out there who's got a couple of videos of me, though. He and I have gone back and forth on that. What weight were you? That was 154. When I was in senior year in high school, I fought at 140, and that was too light. It was too hard for me. I was always dehydrating myself, and I would, like, do things in the shower, like jump up and down in the shower and shadow box in the shower with the hot water on and try to sweat out weight.

I couldn't eat for like a whole day. And then I would fight that day. And it was terrible. I did that for one year. That sounds horrible. My father was a professional boxer. Yeah. And he, but he was, the bad thing about it, he was a 500 boxer.

Oh, no. 500 in baseball, you're the greatest player ever. But boxing, you got to be like 800 you know at least yeah especially to make a living when he won he would come home beaten up yeah that must be hard to see you see dad come home all fucked up yeah i see people um that fight in the ufc and their kids come to hug them you know know, in the cage. And, you know, you see the terrified look in their children's face and they're looking the guy's eyes all fucked up and swollen and cuts. And it's a different group, a different type of human being that does that.

I had so much fun though. The time you invited me to the one in Montreal where the guy who's the king of Montreal was George St. Pierre. That was incredible. It was the loudest noise of cheers I... George St. Pierre. That was incredible. It was the loudest noise of cheers I've ever heard. Yeah, they love him. And the other one was

when we went to the place where those guys who own the Sacramento Kings, the playboy club, and you had fights there. You know what I'm talking about? It's off the strip. Yes, the Palms.

Palms. Yes, yes. And one of the cool moments i mean even though it's you realize how powerful how real it is this kid got knocked out and i was sitting next to his mother and his wife and he wouldn't wake up for a couple minutes then he finally got up but and then there was another kid who like was like in the cartoons he ran up the wall and i don't know how the fuck he did it and he just his young black kid he ran up the wall and I don't know how the fuck he did it And he just his young black kid he ran up the wall and went upside down and then landed on his feet You know I mean yeah, John Dodson is that pretty sure

He does that after fights he runs up. Yeah, that's what it was after the fight. Yeah, he's a freak awesome athlete. Yeah Yeah, that's a Different kind of human being that does that oh, yeah, it's a it's to to be in that world that's a that's a different kind of human being that does that. Oh, yeah. To be in that world, that's an intense existence that's unlike very many other in this world. Other than war. You know, war is probably the most intense existence. Guys who are warriors actual soldiers other than that i think mma fighters and then obviously first responders firefighters cops things on those oh man i was thinking about that with

those fires this year oh god my buddy's a firefighter he was up there and um he's in simi valley and they they shipped him out with everybody else and he's telling me it was insane he's like you you just you couldn't stop the fire. It was just too big. And then, you know, they have thousands of firefighters. And here's the other thing. Not just thousands of firefighters, but prisoners. Really?

They had prisoners working the fire. And they could get out early, maybe? I don't think so. I think they got paid. And I don't think they got paid much. I think they got paid like a dollar an hour. Like something fucked up. And they're out there working on the fires.

I'll just pretend I got burned. I'll just run into the fire. I'm free. I got a fake ID. I'm going to Mexico. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they did. I think that's one of the most fucked up things about prison is that they get them to work and they pay them like pennies. I didn't know that.

I mean, I know they get them to clean up. Yeah. Even if you have a DUI, you can get that. That way they don't even go into prison. Yeah? I'm pretty sure, yeah. You can work it off or pay it off. Oh, really?

Like clean the sides of roads. A friend of mine did that instead. He didn't have the money. How much is the money to pay a DUI? I think it all comes around 10. 10 grand? Yeah. I mean, with it all comes around 10 10 grand yeah i mean with the lawyer and everything 10 grand at a dollar an hour is a long time oh my god if they really pay a dollar an hour yeah i well you know i get that dui yeah you're just you just uber it

now most of the time right yeah are you drunk right now no do i drunk? That would be sad. I get nervous when I talk to you. We've been friends for 30 years almost. Holy shit. Isn't that crazy? We've been friends for 25 years. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 years. That's a long time, Mr. Herrera. That's crazy.

Isn't that nuts? You'd think I'd have more material by now. You've already used it off. Hey, are you talking about filming something? What do you mean? Are you talking about filming a special? You know what? I did one.

Last time I was on the show, you told me I should do one. I did it, and I just didn't like it. Oh, when did you do it? Whatever last time I was on the show. It's like a year ago, I would imagine. A little more. And then I waited about three months and I shot it. You just decided not to release it?

Yeah. What was wrong with it? What didn't feel good about it? I don't know. My ass looked fat. I just didn't like it. It didn't seem to have the energy I thought I have. So it didn't like it. I mean, it didn't seem to have the energy I thought I have. Hmm. You know.

Huh. So it didn't feel to you like representative of a real set that you would have like at a club? Right. Just a normal night at a club. That's all I wanted. Did you feel pressure? Because that's one of the things that I feel that I always battle when I do a special is that like here's the moment. It's now. Ready, go.

And one of the best ways I found a combat That was I do a bunch of shows I do for sure see that's smart. I did too. Yeah, too is tight Yeah, and they were back-to-back. Yeah Sometimes people clam up I've seen people do one and it becomes a disaster you could feel the tightness on stage because there's so much riding on it Right. It's just not just a regular show There's no room riding on it. Right. It's just not just a regular show. There's no room, really, to fuck around. You've got to have room to fuck around.

Part of what a live show is is it's flowing. I would like to get myself in a club where I'm half. If something's worth talking about with an audience member or something that's really cool, I would do it. But just be a normal club set. That's what I want. Right, right. A normal but very strong club set. Where did you film?

The Laugh Factory in Vegas. Hmm. Yeah. Remember that's a... You should do the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. That's a comfortable club for you, and they already set up for filming. Yeah, I know. I could do it any night. Yeah, maybe that's a good move. Well, Jamie wanted to tape me a couple

weeks in a row, doing 40 minutes. Yeah, maybe that's a good move. Well, Jamie wanted to tape me like a couple weeks in a row doing like 40 minutes. Yeah, you should. That's a great place to do it, Dom, because they film you whether you like it or not there. Yeah, well, we talked about this. That's not a good sign. But they do have the setup. They have the setup to film you. Their Vegas room is nice.

Is it? Yeah. Is that a trop? film you their vegas room is nice is it yeah well you know is that a trop that's what here's the thing that's great about vegas joe is that you could do uh i'm doing the the first week april i think the uh the trop but then i'll do brad garrett's club too because they don't give a fuck it's vegas right vegas unlike columbus ohio they have the same audience pretty much you know but uh there they have the audience comes in from far away every week. So you could play Vegas a lot.

That is true. Like, that's one of the reasons why a residency works in Vegas. Yeah, it wouldn't work anywhere else. Yeah. Have you ever thought about doing that, a residency? I think, well, I think I'd kill myself in Vegas. Just boozing and hanging out and hitting the rhino at 3 in the morning? Woo!

Fistfuls of dollars. Da, da, da, da, da, da. I go out with this girl, and she's got really hot daughters, right? I mean, she's hot, too. The girl you're dating? Yeah, she's very hot. But she's always telling me how beautiful her daughters are. I go, look, I know, but stop pimping off your daughters to me.

But I took him to see Tosh. I was in town for the super bowl and uh daniel was at the uh mirage and they got i forget how big a deal it would be to a 16 year old boy to meet him and we went back he was so he was so gracious with them but it was i couldn't believe i forget because this kid played john lennon in love when he was a little kid so he's got he's been around theatrical people. You know, love that Beatles thing. That Beatles thing is fucking amazing.

It's good, isn't it? At the Mirage? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They start that acapella because. Yeah. Very cool, yeah.

Well, I know you're a huge Beatles fan. Yeah. You've always been a big Beatles fan. So I took my family to see that about a month ago or so. Yeah. Went to see that Mirage Fuck it's incredible. It's such a show man, and they're cool to see your kids kind of digging it Yeah, it's all those years ago and you know, I know so many little kids that like the Beatles. It's weird

They're so good. They were so good and you and I think it's hard And I think it's hard for someone today in 2018 with this vast variety of music that we have and so much good music over the history of music, you know, so much recording that it's hard to understand how in the 1960s, how amazing the Beatles were. Yeah. That out of nowhere, this band out of Liverpool comes out and they just have this revolutionary music. It's just so much of it is so different. Yeah, it was very different, and they were the ones that added orchestras and all this stuff. But it reminds me of the thing we were talking about before of the sitcoms.

They were given a chance to get better. A lot of people today, if they're one with two bad records, they're out. Yeah. Then they got some other beautiful girl replacing them. It's true. It's the same way with fighters. I've had this conversation with my friend Brendan Schaub, and I were talking about this the other day.

I know Brendan. Yeah. Big Brown. Guys get into the UFC too young, and then they're fighting top flight competition right away, and it's either sink or swim. Yeah, yeah. And some guys swim, but some guys have real massive potential.

But really, they should be fighting someone of a lower caliber and developing their skills and experiencing a bunch of different styles, and then eventually working their way up to the UFC after five, six years or so. And instead, they're fighting in the UFC at 20 years old, and they're just not really ready for top flight competition because in the ufc if you string together five six wins you're in title contention in some weight divisions yeah that'll discourage the shit out of you and you're getting fucked up by some guy who's just many many levels above you you really shouldn't be fighting him like the flyweight division is a perfect example because it's run by this guy demetrius mighty mouse johnson probably the best pound-for-pound fighter that's ever lived.

Wow. That's just saying something, man. He's fucking incredible. He's a wizard. He barely gets hit. We've seen him in the octagon develop and grow and become this guy, and now he's just – there's everybody, and then there's Mighty Mouse. Mighty Mouse is just another level above everybody.

I've never seen anybody as good as Mayweather to avoid punches. No one's better. No, no one gets hit less. That's incredible. Yeah. I mean, guys 50 and 0, and obviously one of them was Conor McGregor, which is kind of crazy. But Conor hit him, you know.

I mean, Conor can crack, but he just had no business in the ring, honestly. I mean, we really didn't know if he had business in the ring until he fought him. After the fact, it's easy to say that. But he caught him with that uppercut in the first round. What if he wobbled him? What if he hurt him? Anybody can get knocked out. If you get hit right, anybody can get knocked out.

But Mayweather has been hit right where he was hurt. I don't think Conor hurt him. I think he just hit him good. But he's been hurt. Sugar Shane Mosley hurt him. He's been hurt a couple of times in his career. hit him good, but he's been hurt. Sugar Shane Mosley hurt him.

He's been hurt a couple of times in his career, but over the course of 50 professional fights where most of them are at world championship level. Right. It's crazy. Remarkable. I was watching, they had like highlights of the MMA on Fox today and Ronda Rousey when she got kicked in the face. Oh, Jesus, yeah.

What a great kick that was. Holly Holm, yeah. That was in Australia. I remember being there for face. Oh, Jesus. What a great kick that was. Holly Holm. Yeah. That was in Australia. I remember being there for that. Oh, that was in Melbourne, right? I think it was in Sydney. Oh, was it? Yeah. Pretty sure Sydney. That was crazy. Might have been Melbourne. You might be right. Might be right. Think you're right.

Now that I think about it, I think you're right. No, you're definitely right now that I know it. Stop arguing with yourself. Sorry. Leave yourself alone. You're a good person. I'm trying to remember. I love Melbourne. Yeah. Ooh, I love that town.

Great restaurants. Fuck, I was just going to say that. Great coffee, too. Donovan's. They have everything. Like, their seafood's fantastic, but it's almost like an artsy sort of San Francisco-like. Yeah, San Francisco's the one I compare it to. Yeah, but it's got its own thing.

Yeah. Melbourne's got its own thing. Fucking. Melbourne's got its own thing. Fucking crowds are amazing. Oh, aren't they cool? I know. It's so fun. Yeah. They're great up there.

I did a comedy store in Sydney in between bigger gigs to make it worth it for them to bring you over there. And I love it. Yeah. I just love the culture and the people. I did that too. Ari and I did the comedy store in Sydney on a Sunday night on a whim. The fights took place early in the day so that it could be on UFC pay-per-view.

And so we called up the Comedy Store and said, Hey, can we do an impromptu show tonight? And we just put it up on Twitter. And they said, All right, hold on. Let us call you right back. All right, we're doing it. Let's do it. And so we put it on Twitter, and then Ari and I went and did a show that night.

And they came, huh? Yeah, it was packed. Yeah. It was awesome. It's cool that you have a draw. Like, you helped me get a draw in Australia. And they came, huh? Yeah, it was packed. Yeah. It was awesome. Isn't it cool that you have a draw? Like, you helped me get a draw in Australia. Isn't that amazing? Crazy.

Yeah, I mean, when I was, you know, when I started now, if you were on The Tonight Show, that would be the first time all of America saw you. But the whole world, not like this, the whole world hears this. Yeah, it was weird. This thing's got its own life. I remember when I was... I'm just here working the wheel.

I was at your house one day, kind of like you had started, but you said you feel, forget what the exact word, but a momentum going. You knew something incredible was going to happen with this show. Do you remember that? You told me you have a feeling. You weren't bragging. Not at all. You were just going with the energy of it, you know Well, I was I was saying that I felt like there's something going on Yeah like this show like it was just starting to pick up momentum then and I was like there's something going on here and then I

Was thinking about what the potential of this was and at the time we first started, there wasn't that many people listening to podcasts. It was very small. And we were also streaming live on Ustream and there wasn't many people listening to that either or watching that. But I was like, but this keeps growing. And I knew that I was very interested in doing it. So I knew I was going to get better at it. And I was always trying to figure out what ways ways I could do it better how to get out of my own way how to not talk over people knowing when to talk when not to talk I had to figure that out it's tricky it is tricky it's tricky to to pick you you have to put yourself in the seat of the person that's listening and I think listening to podcasts helps that as well and listening to things that you don't enjoy so he's one of the person that's listening. And I think listening to podcasts helps that as well. And listening to things that you don't enjoy.

So one of the things that Stephen King always says about writing is that you should write, but you should also read. You should read a lot. I think that's the case with podcasts too. I think that's the case with stand-up as well. I think listening to other stand-up is good. As long as you're not getting ideas from them. As long as you're just enjoying it.

The good feeling that you get from watching stand-up, watching someone kill, you know. It's like I get inspired by it, and it makes me – and then I see things maybe that are a little clunky in someone's act. I'm like, oh, they need to clean that up or tighten this up. And it makes me more cognizant about those flaws in my own act and makes me more self-aware. Yeah. I love to watch

like say like chris rock when he does something and then two weeks later it works yeah and you see him you know he's got a germ of something there but he's so good at putting it you know setting it up to to be a potentially great bit you know well he's one of the all-time greats for a reason and one of the reasons is he's a real craftsman. He's a real artist. Chris will go in there, and he's not just trying to kill every time he goes on stage. He's trying to develop material. He's using that time, and it's a very valuable thing for him. Well, I really believe that this generation is better than the generation

i started with and only because they got to see them and grow from them you know what i mean like you had to have somebody in the middle because i mean honestly you know you and bill to me i take you and bill over prior and uh carlin that's a sacrilege no i'm serious i stand up but you know and i'm not saying that because you're my friend and we're here. I'm saying it because I've seen these guys, and I love them, you know. I mean, I was one of those kids that grew up watching them. But I think it just, you know, your generation has taken it to a different level. There's definitely a benefit in being able to see the people before you, for sure.

I've learned a lot watching other comedy, watching people. Just getting, you know, we were talking yesterday about Richard Jenney that I think. Brilliant writer. Oh, he was so good. Every time I see a man with sandals, I think of him. How you doing there, Spartacus? Something like that. Yeah.

He, I was listening to one of his recordings on the way home, a big steaming pile of me, like, I don't know, at least a year ago, it was probably more. But I remember, like, getting a noticeable bump in my writing after I listened to it because it was so inspiring. And that, I think that's a giant advantage that we have today with, like, YouTube and iTunes and things along those lines where you can listen to anything you want. I can go back and I was listening to an old Woody Allen recording the other day. I'm just in my car driving. I was listening to Woody Allen do stand-up in the 1960s.

You could tell he was a fucking pervert even back then. You know what? There was a line in Love and Death. Remember Love and Death? Yes. And Diane Keaton goes to this high priest, and she steps on his beard. It's a very funny scene. And he says, the most beautiful thing in the world is a 12-year-old girl, blonde hair, preferably twins.

Right? And this is all this perverted thing. Yeah. 12. Wow. This happened 20 years, 25 years before he got accused of anything. Yeah. You know, but it was just interesting hearing him.

Because he did a couple. He did it even in Manhattan with Hemingway. It was a little bit twisted, you know. I don't remember Manhattan very much. Well, he falls in love and she falls in love with him. She's like supposed to be 16 and he's 18. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well well isn't that

something that people tend to do they try to normalize whatever fucked up perversion they have and they put it into art like that was one of the things that they were accusing louis ck of with this movie that he released right before it came out that he was jerking off in front of a bunch of people he had this movie and part of the movie was just talking about how everyone's a pervert. We're all perverts. I'll tell you something off the air when we get off. Remind me to tell you. I don't want to say it.

I'm going to write it down. Off the air with Dom Herrera. That's your new show. Off the air with Dom Herrera. All I do is burn people and lose any contacts I've ever had. Hey, is this thing on? It's not? Good.

Let me tell you a story. I got a good one. Actually, the night that he went, or the day after he went, I went on stage. I said, I'm so excited. I got a part in Louis C.K.'s new TV show. It should shoot in about 10, 15 years. And it took him a beat beat and then they got it. I think he'll be back in a year.

Well, you know what, Joe? He has that advantage. He was the one that created the idea of selling your own thing, right? Yes. So he can do that. He doesn't need a producer for that. That's true. That's true. You'd have him on this show, right? I would 100% have him on. Yeah. I think

he's a different person than when he did those things. I think those things that he did, jerking off in front of a bunch of people, is terrible. And I think he probably had an idea in his head of what those things were and of who he was and who he would be. And I think a lot of your self-definitions a lot of times are based on this very limited idea of who you are Very limited idea of who you're going to be and he's like Wallowing in his own weirdness and just wants to jerk off in front of somebody You know it's out of all the offenses of things you could do to someone It's one of the least egregious because he's not raping. He's not as he didn't lock the door. He's not yeah

He didn't lock the door. He's not doing anything awful to someone. He's just doing something weird in front of them. I think it's beautiful. Do you? No. No, I don't think it's beautiful. There's a lot of things that I think are beautiful. I think it's ape-like.

It's definitely ape-like. Well, it's human-like. Then I batted it out of the air. Because an ape doesn't really care if you're watching when he's jerking off. He could be eating and jerking off at the same time banana in one hand banana in the other get it hey yeah hey yeah i know all the things that he did and i think that his apology pretty was what's the way to look at it um i think it was honest i think it sort of What's the way to look at it?

I think it was honest. I think it sort of explained how his mind worked and why he did it in the first place. It's obviously not something he's proud of. It's obviously something he's disgusted by himself. And you can't. Here's the thing. You jerk off in front of someone 10 years ago. How do you fix that?

You don't do it again. And he hasn't done it again. Here's the thing. No one's saying he's done anything in a long time. All the accusations were like, I want to say they were from years ago, right? What do you do? How do you fix that? Let's say you did jerk off in front of a few people, Dom. I don't know why that came over me.

I jerked off in front of a blind lady. Does that still count? It depends on how good her hearing is. Oh, you're right. She's hearing. Yeah, you're right. She's like, what are you doing over there, Dom? My bad.

Nothing, nothing. And she has to guess. It's all fucking guesswork. How do you fix that? Like, what does a guy do to fix that? I mean, I think out of all the people, how the fuck would you rehabilitate Harvey Weinstein? How do you let Harvey Weinstein around a woman again?

How do you leave Harvey Weinstein in a hotel room with a woman who comes in for a meeting or an office? Cosby was the worst. He's the worst. I don't think you could rehabilitate him. What do you do? How do you fix that? The only way Cosby gets rehabilitated,

I mean, not really rehabilitated, but the only way he gets reintroduced into society is if everyone believes those girls are lying. And that's never going to happen. It's impossible. Because everybody heard those stories a long time ago. I did Star Search in like 83, and he was the guest host,

and we were hearing shit about him on the set then really womanizing and stuff yeah i mean of course not not as extreme as uh drugging them and raping them but like if you're a guy like louis ck how do you what do you do like what would he what could he have done before the story came out that he's doing that to girls what what could he have done to to make amends i mean what could he have done he said sorry to some of the people i don't know why are you looking at me like that i don't i'm just trying to think i'm just trying you're my friend i'm looking at you you're

right there i'm just thinking like what would one do i mean it seems like let's i mean i'm not exonerating him right but it seems like all these years since then, he hasn't done it again, right? So if he hasn't done it again, he must understand that there's something wrong with it. There's some weird compulsion. And it had to be a power thing because anybody can get a hooker and do that. Well, here's the thing. He's probably doing that too. Yeah. you know well here's the thing he's probably doing that too yeah I mean if he liked jerking off in front of people he might just like jerking off in front

of all kinds of people he might have jerked off in front of hookers too I mean I don't know but we know that he did it in front of women that really didn't want him to that's what I thought might be part of the kinkiness of yeah but there's some stories of him doing it in front of women they thought it was hilarious he did in front of some women, and they thought it was hilarious. He did it in front of some female comics, and they thought it was hilarious. How do you stay hard when they're laughing?

You got to be a real animal. It's better man than me, Dom. I did a line. I don't know what you think of this line, but Woody Allen, I mentioned him on stage, and these women started booing. I said, why are you booing? They said, because of what he did, and the daughter and all this. I said, look, I mentioned him on stage and these women started booing. I said, why are you booing? They said, because of what he did and the daughter and all.

I said, look, I don't know. I said, but the one thing you got to admit, he really must love her because it's not like she's hot. You know, I know, but that got a laugh. When we get off stage, I'll tell you Tony Hinchcliffe's new bit. I can't say it on stage,

but I'll tell you on stage when you tell me your thing on stage. Tony Hinchcliffe's new bit. I can't say it on stage But I'll tell you on stage when you tell me your thing on stage What Tony Hinchcliffe has a new bit that's fucking ruthless and killed me and we came up with it in the car this weekend we're on a road trip and we were talking about something and he said it and I Fucking died. I say you gotta say that on stage. He goes seriously. I gotta say that on stage. You go, seriously? I go, you got to say that on stage. I'll tell you. You did it last night and the room fucking exploded. You ought to come back and do the show when I do it. What show?

His show. His show, Kill Tony? I don't like to work Monday nights. Oh, yeah. Well, you got to. I have a schedule now. No, you got to see the family. Yeah.

But I have a schedule now on Monday. Sundays and Mondays. Yeah, Sundays and mondays is extreme family time i just don't do jack shit because you won't have these days and they grow up so fast not to get corny but it's true yeah it's true um i'm enjoying it i'm i'm happier now than i've ever been in my life good that's great to hear that yeah and i'm also i think i'm a nicer person now that i've ever been in my life. Way nicer. Jeez. You don't have much to compare it with.

You little prick. What do you think? It just makes you, you know, Dave Chappelle said this to me once, and I think it was a really great quote. He said, not only has having children made me love someone more than I ever thought I could, it's changed my capacity for love. And that's cool. Yeah. He's's changed my capacity for love and that's cool yeah yeah he's like my capacity for love is much greater that makes sense like you realize like a lot of our struggles and a lot of the shit that we we go through in this life it's a lot of it is about perspective and a lot of it is about who's around you and what kind of loving environment you're around. And it's also having kids and not having the strain, the financial strain, the emotional strain, and the ignorance strain that my parents had and their parents had.

Like, ignorance is a big thing, too. Like, they didn't know how to raise kids back then. Of course not. They hit us. They, you know, they yelled at us. And they didn't know. My mom didn't hit me. But, you know, it was a common thing for people to hit their kids i remember bruce willis said to me one time to be a name drummer he said you know one of the things about having

kids he goes his little girl i forget the middle middle one's name he said she would wake me up to walk her to the bathroom and to her i wasn't a movie star i wasn't any i was daddy right because she's afraid of the dark walking her in you know yeah and he said that really made humanized him and made him feel good because you know you know what it's like you get stroked all the time it's like sometimes you just want to be normal well not only that when bruce willis was famous there was way less famous people because there was no famous internet personalities there was no famous reality tv stars there was way less famous rappers and there was way less famous comedians think how few famous comedians they were well that's why we all

like me and dice and guys that were on rodney specials we were really fucking lucky because we became instant draws i paid to see you after you uh were on uh rodney special were we were really fucking lucky because we became instant draws i paid to see you after you uh were on uh rodney special were you at nicks right yeah i went to see you at nicks and i went to see you two nights in a row because one night i thought you were supposed to be there and either you missed your flight or something happened and dennis leary was there instead and i was like what the fuck and so we came back the next day and we saw you again but um who were you with a girl that i was dating her name was stephanie she was uh she's telling me what to do she was older oh really she was the dominant one she was it was the first girl she was 25 i was 21 she's sick

she liked the dick though tell you that like a little bit of the old schlazio well that was what was exciting about it. She was the first woman I dated. Like, you know, she was a woman. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I dated girls before that. That girl was a woman. And, you know, she was fucking smart, too. I prefer girls who are a woman's age.

Yeah. Yeah, she was, um, she was just intense. She'd tell me what to do with stand-up, too. She'd give me a stand- with stand-up, too. She'd give me a stand-up voice.

Yeah. It was kind of hilarious. I saw that Seinfeld episode where the girl broke up with him because of his act. Oh, really? No, no, no. It was so fucking funny. She goes, I don't think this is going to work. He goes, why? We're having a great time.

She says, well, your act with the, did you ever notice? She goes, that's not my style of comedy. He goes, you're breaking up with me because of my act? She goes, yes, I am. And that was the end of the show. That's hilarious. Well, if you were a girl and you were a huge comedy fan, like imagine if you were a girl and you just,

you love Chappelle and Bill Burr and Dom Herrera and Duncan Trussell and Joey Diaz and all these great comedians and then you start dating a prop act Anybody and he's the worst prop act. Yeah, it's like fucking stew He's got a soundtrack he has to play hit the music fucking drop down and comes up with an outfit I said hit it What's terrible jokes and Sophie told me that she would she couldn't go out with me if she didn't like my act That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, if you're a comedy fan, I mean if you're a music fan how the fuck could you date a guy who's got terrible songs yeah how could

you it would be rough you know if you're a bad accountant you know but you're a great guy you probably still get a date you know but if you're fucking terrible the thing that someone loves right well it's so much more personal than debits and credits. You know, it's like your stand-up is you, a reflection of you. Generally, I mean, if a good stand-up is. One of the most personal things. I think music, stand-up, maybe writing. Writing's pretty personal.

But stand-up, really good stand-ups, you reveal something of themselves. You feel like you know them. For sure. You relate to them. Yeah, for personal. Yeah. Yeah. But stand-up, really good stand-ups, you reveal something of themselves. You feel like you know them. For sure. Something you relate to them. For sure. Yeah. Yeah, it's, I mean, there's more famous stand-ups today. I was talking with Jeff Wills from Live Nation.

Yeah, I know Jeff, yeah. Jeff and I were talking about the number of guys today and gals that can sell out big-ass theaters. And it's nuts. He's like, dude, 20 years ago there was nobody. There was like a handful. Everybody worked at clubs, and there was a few George Carlins out there. Yeah, yeah.

A few Chris Rocks or whoever it was at the time that could sell out a theater. And now, like, fucking everybody's selling out these theaters. It's crazy. Well, if they have the right social media, yeah. Social media. But they still have to have an act because they'll sell out once, maybe twice, but then it's done. That's what happened with a lot of those people from that stand-up competition show.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Last Comic Stand. Yeah, they went around once. Then the ones that were good Like Alonzo Bowden Eliza Yeah Eliza's probably the most successful

Out of that group Yeah She's done more I think She's had more Specials She sells out everywhere She does good sized theaters

She's selling out She just sold out her whole tour She probably has the most success She works hard She does work hard That girl kicks ass Like she doesn't fuck around she told me something so funny when she was on my podcast and this one jamie still did it and she goes i have a great body you know she has sweat sweatpants on it so i'm thinking well i know i don't know she will show it for god's sakes wear

a skirt i don't know then she'd tell you you're some piece of shit for asking a show but i mean i don't know what to tell her like you know well she's funny she's she's a aggressive girl when she was on my podcast it's the the fucking comments were hilarious like men either love her or they fucking hate her like i've heard the thumbs up the thumbs down versus eliza like on on the podcast the thumbs up versus the thumbs down versus Eliza, like on the podcast, the thumbs up versus thumbs down. She got like one of the worst ratios of anyone that's ever been on the podcast. Really? Yeah.

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed talking to her. I like her. I'm not threatened by confident, I would say cocky women. It doesn't threaten me. But for a lot, because I'm not threatened by confident, cocky men. I'm around them all the time. Of course.

It doesn't bother me. I don't judge you by it maybe I feel like it's silly sometimes with some people if they're too confident or too cocky or they're too dismissive of other people

I think it's silly but I don't get mad at it I would have when I was younger yeah when I was younger someone that was like cocky

or overconfident or just you know just i would just i'd feel threatened by it or i'd be upset by it or i'd judge them you know in a weird way where i would connect all my own shit to them get upset at them yeah i know what you mean i you know i definitely uh i definitely have trouble with attitude i'm'm thinking, you know how lucky you are? You know how lucky we are to be in this? Yes. Are you out of your fucking mind?

Yeah. You know what it's like to work? Well, one of the things about you, Tom, you're always super supportive of young guys and girls, too. You've always been, like, real supportive of young comics. You know, I think you should be, you know. I think so, too. And I've learned a lot of that from you. Oh, cool, man. you know i think you should be you know i think so too i've learned a lot of that from you oh cool man that's nice to say i was thinking about tiffany because tiffany means a lot to me you

know i taught her at uh comedy camp when she was a teenager and i've seen her really yeah i've seen her through a bunch of struggles you know it's crazy foster homes and she kept trying to keep her family together so i had her on a podcast and she said you know she said back in the day she goes I wanted to fuck you right and I said first of all Tiffany you're like a god daughter to me it never crossed my mind

and it really didn't even though I think she's a beautiful girl and I said the second thing is I'd never take my pants in front of you I said no

I got this beautiful black girl going you call that a dick that's my biggest fear it's funny watching her blow up You call that a dick? That's my biggest fear. It's funny watching her blow up. She's hilarious. And she took to it like a duck to water.

Oh, man. Like immediately got a- Oh, she's got massive confidence. Yeah. But immediately, like almost like she feels like that's where she was always meant to be. Like she was just waiting for the bell to ring. When she did Colbert, honest to God, I was sitting there crying.

I swear. Crying with happiness? Yeah. That's awesome. Jealousy. I was bitter. How'd she get on this show? I love Colbert.

He doesn't even return my calls. I've got Trump jokes too. That's all that show is these days, right? I don't think it'd be on the air if it wasn't for Trump. It would be on the air. I don't know, Joe. They were dying. They were way behind. Not like my Nielsen ratings all of a sudden.

But they were behind, right? They were way behind. And then he went for it. When he called the president's mouth Putin's cock holster, I was like, holy shit, I can't believe he said that. I didn't hear that. You didn't hear that?

No. He went on this epic rant about Trump, and then he said something about his mouth being Putin's cock holster. Wow. And they beeped out cock, obviously. It was pretty obvious what he said, but I'm sitting there going, what is going on with late night TV? Yeah.

Well, I know Kimmel's been on a run lately of crying and talking about- Yeah, crying. He is. He does. I think he breaks down like every night now at one point in my life it's good for ratings

it's really good for ratings oh he's a sensitive guy it's a good way to cut to commercial he's a legitimately sensitive guy he's a very nice guy I like Kimmel Jimmy Kimmel is a very very good person

like he he's a genuine nice guy with a real heart and he really does care you know I remember he cried after the Vegas shooting he's from Vegas

did he cry recently was it the school shooting yeah yeah but that was brutal those he cried after the vegas shooting he's from vegas did he cry recently was the school shooting yeah yeah but that was brutal those he's fucking the girl that i go out with was there that night and she was at the trop and all the people came running down into the trop oh jesus so new year's eve i'm with the vegas shooting yeah yeah and people they had to stay there for a couple hours they had everything under lockdown because they didn't know who had guns and who didn't they didn't know if it was one person or 50 people. And she's at the Trop. And she got kind of traumatized by it.

So New Year's Eve, we're walking outside. And all of a sudden, she starts shaking. And she was having an anxiety attack, you know, about being in a crowd. So I was just fucking with her, trying to make her laugh. I said, no, don't worry about it. And then we're, you know, the fireworks. fireworks i said all i really care about is fireworks and you took that away from me because of your selfish feelings you know but i got her laughing anyway the fucking the the volume of them it's just it seems like every couple months there's some new one remember

when columbine we thought this is terrible and this won't happen again? Yeah. It's like there's so many now, you know, you get used to it, which is sad. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. And I don't know what the answer is. You know? I don't know if it's tighter gun control.

I don't know if that would stop them because it would just make it more difficult to get guns. But would that be enough? But we're not doing anything. Well, I think we've got to try something. I don't know what to do. it would just make it more difficult to get guns, but would that be enough? But we're not doing anything. Well, I think we've got to try something. I don't know what to do. I mean, and there's also the number of people that are on psychiatric medication. It's fucking crazy.

Well, I think that for the M15s or whatever they are, they shouldn't be sold. They shouldn't be. I mean, do you really need that to kill a pheasant? It's not a hunting gun, really. The guy who designed them said he made it for war. Yeah, the real guns for hunting are usually bolt action rifles, which means you have a round, you have usually two or three in the magazine, you have a couple or one in the chamber, you put it in there, you lock lock it in place you clamp it down and uh you fire a shot and then you have to bolt it again you have to use the the action again the shell pops

out and another one goes in bolt that down and then you get another shot it's a very slow thing yeah like it takes a couple seconds whereas these ars you're like tack tack tack tack tack oh man or with the bump stocks, apparently the president wants to ban bump stocks. Well, the bump stock is... Oh, yeah. It's a stock where you pull back on it and apparently you push forward and pull back at the same time.

I don't know. I might be fucking this up. But the thing is the stock makes the trigger go like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, where it's almost like an automatic weapon and trump just decided to ban those and there's a lot of people that are up in arms about him banning those like these the gun rights people don't want to lose anything they don't want to lose any rights right they don't want to lose any fucking crazy ass weapons

they think that any slip is uh is eventually going to lead to them getting their guns taken away. I follow a bunch of NRA people and gun people on Twitter and Instagram. Nobody's going to take their guns away. They think they are. They think they are. I mean, I agree with you. I don't think that's ever going to come to that. But the idea that tighter regulation is bad, I don't think that's true.

I think, first of all you should have to go through some sort of examination if you can go through exam you don't you can't drive a fucking car unless you prove that you know how to operate a car like someone has to be there with you that's an expert it's a driving expert who watches you they watch make sure you know what to do what do you do here at this light do you know how to hit the brakes do you stop perfectly do you look left and right before you turn all that shit is super important if you want to drive how the fuck is it not super important if you operate a goddamn firearm i know i don't understand like the kid who bought the i think the kid who did the uh the latest shooting in florida i think it was if I'm putting two stories together, I don't know, but apparently he

was underage and had fake ID and still was able to buy it. I don't know. I didn't read that story. Maybe, you know. I avoided the story. I saw the kid's face. It's heartbreaking. And I saw the, it's fucking insane.

And you hear all the stories about kids that were saying that they knew that this kid was going to be a school shooter anyway. Wow. They were saying in the past. And then one of the things he wrote, he wrote it on Facebook or something, that he wants to be a professional school shooter. Wow. And then two years later, and he got visited by the FBI.

The FBI actually checked this fucking kid out, talked to him about it, and decided he wasn't a threat. How do you decide someone's a threat or not a threat? Well, if you're talking to them, they're a threat how do you decide someone's a threat or not a threat well if you're talking to them they're a threat i mean maybe i can't talk to everybody but i i would i would be suspicious of anyone that it took that much energy to go find how did they find him why would they why would they even question him yeah um i think people were saying that he's a fucking psychopath yeah it hurts it's just sad it's just fucking sad that it's sad that anyone could do that it's sad that anyone would be hurting and so fucked up that you could take a child imagine you have a

kid right you got a little domerara little tiny baby and he's just a cute little fella little tiny baby they don't know anything they giggle when you tickle them and then from there one day that becomes a school shooter. Oh, my God. That's what people have to take into consideration. This boy, this 19-year-old boy who did that was a baby at one point in time. He's a failed process, a failed product, whether it's through his environment, his family, his DNA, all the above,

his life experiences, all the pain, the trauma, mental illness, all these various factors. But that used to be a baby. Probably the cutest little fucker. Probably hold him and cuddle him. He'd go to sleep in your arms. And one of the things that's changed with me since, and it changes a little bit every day. I feel like every day I just get a little bit more compassionate and more understanding and i work towards it it's something i really think about

but having children i i think of people as they used to be a child used to be a baby i think of that with homeless people yeah see them lying there under all those blankets and stuff you think this was born this person was born to somebody. Yeah. I was thinking that the other day. I was at Coffee Bean, and I knew a homeless guy was there from the smell. I was pouring cream into my coffee. I wouldn't have smelled him, Joe.

You wouldn't have, right? You were just talking about this before the podcast. Your sense of smell is no good. So good. Anyway, the guy smelled so bad that he was dressed fairly normal. Like, he wasn't disgustingly dressed. I had to look at him to recognize, like, oh, this guy's homeless. Right.

I looked over, and he just fucking stunk. It was rough. I mean, he just stunk. And I looked over, and the guy's sitting there with his head in his hands like this. Like, he's probably just full of you know terrible anxiety or thoughts or depression or whatever it was but all i was thinking everyone pouring cream my coffee was like that was someone's little boy yep that was someone's little boy and now here he is he looks like he's in his 60s and he's all fucked up and smells like shit he's sitting there in this

coffee bean and he's sitting by himself with his head in his hands and everyone is avoiding him. They're all just moving around him. Yeah. If you think of life like that and you think of people like that, it's easier to be humanized. Yes.

Like we were talking about Louie, and not to knock Louie again, but this kid, I was working the brokerage in Long Island and he comes in with his mom to see me. And he said, I don't think what Louie did was that bad. He didn't rape her or anything. I said, well, what about if he did it to your sister? He goes, I'd fucking kill him.

I said, well, that should tell you something. First of all, you shouldn't kill him for that, but if it bothers you enough, that's somebody else's sister. Louie apologized and i'm not trying to jump on him again but i mean you got to know how you'd feel about it when it was personal yeah well the louie one's so weird well that it's very weird yeah it's the weirdest one ever it's not like you're with someone and you're making out and you pull your dick out and she grabs it. Stop it. I'm getting hard over here.

I mean, this is not in the act of intimacy. No, there's no touching. There's not even verbal abuse. The only way you touch is yourself. Maybe it was oral abuse, like as in sound. Maybe you made weird noises. Woo! You make that face too? Maybe it was oral abuse, like as in sound. Maybe you made weird noises. Woo! Ah!

Ah! You make that face, too? Ah! Are we on camera? We are on camera. Woo! I wonder how many people make a Ric Flair when they come. What's that?

You know, Ric Flair? Woo! Do you remember Ric Flair? No. what's that you know when rick flair do you remember rick flair no you're talking to the rolex warren diamond ring warren jet flying limousine riding he's a fighter no he's a pro wrestler oh that's that's what i meant yeah yeah yeah it's fucking just he is uh he's an american iconic character not just a pro wrestler, like an American icon. But to this day, I'll talk about Ric Flair on stage and point the microphone in the audience,

and the audience just goes, whoo! There he is right there. Nature boy, Ric Flair. Oh, wow. I don't remember him. Who was the guy that Muhammad Ali modeled? Was it Gorgeous George? He modeled his... His shit-talking?

Yeah, he gave credit to this guy that's a professional wrestler. Oh, no kidding. That's interesting. I think it was Gorgeous George. Could be. There was a lot of those guys back then. Yeah. You remember Killer Kowalski?

Yeah. You remember him? Yeah. Of course. The claw? Grab your head? Oh, is that what it was? Remember?

Who was the one with the cocoa butt? Bobo Brazil. Bobo Brazil did the cocoa... And there was Bruno San Martino. Bruno San Martino. Interesting. He was a world champion. How Muhammad Ali's fascination with pro wrestling fueled his career inspired MMA.

Interesting. Gorgeous George. That's crazy. That's gorgeous George. Yeah. Interesting. What is this stupid ad you have to watch for the Olympics there? Boy, this Olympics is...

I think... I'm going to say this. I think the Olympics are gross. This is why I think the Olympics are gross. I think it's a great opportunity for all those athletes. I think it's great for people to watch it. But I think it is a fucking disgusting money grab. And all those amateur, air quotes, athletes don't get paid shit.

I know. And these companies are making billions and billions of dollars off of them and i really wish they would all quit i really wish they would say fuck you pay me i really wish they would just go straight ray leota they give up you pay me they give up their their youth for that not only that the fucking companies they're so restrictive they're the ioc and all the people that are behind it are so restrictive, and they are making ungodly sums of money, ungodly contracts. They're just giant contracts to air the Olympics,

giant amounts of money to build these stadiums and set up these events, and everything is about nationalism and national pride, whether it's in Korea or Russia or wherever the fuck they do them. Meanwhile, the athletes don't get dick. They don't get dick. If you're lucky and you're Michael Phelps, you become famous out of it and you get a bunch of commercials

and endorsements and you make a shit load of money that way, but how many Michael Phelps's are there? Is it three or four? But how many in all the Olympics? Out of all the Olympics, Jamie, you're the Olympics? And out of all the Olympics, Jamie, you're a sports fan. Out of all the Olympics, say like the Olympics this year. Let's go to the

last one. Who the fuck came out of it? Were there a household name? Oh, yeah. Right now you've got Sean White and maybe the girl that won Kim is her last name. Who's the one that won the bronze last night or two nights before? The real famous...

There's Lindsey Vonn. She's very famous. She used to date Tiger Woods. That made her famous too. Plus she's hot. That makes her famous. She had interesting names. She's a gold medal winner, I believe. How many other ones are there? There's a few.

There's like a handful. They can build a story around someone. But when you get to the point where it's worthwhile to sacrifice your entire life, and it actually pays off, what are the odds? It's so fucking small. But meanwhile, people are tuning in to all of it. They're making massive amounts of revenue from all of it, and they're not sharing it with the athletes at all.

I think it's fucking gross. They pretend it's amateur. They pretend it's an amateur. It's a goddamn motherfucking business. That's what the Olympics are. Well, you can say that about college sports, too. You can. Basketball and football, really.

NCAA says student athletes shouldn't be paid because the 13th Amendment allows unpaid prison labor. What the fuck? Oh, that's Sean King. Find me another article. Well, this was the main one going around, but there's a lawsuit. That's crazy. Did they really say that? Did they really say that, the 13th Amendment, which allows

unpaid prison labor? They cited in a lawsuit a response to a motion to dismiss, and that's what they used. That's so disgusting. They cited in a lawsuit a response to a motion to dismiss. And that's what they used. That's so disgusting. They're so disgusting. They're the same to me. NCAA, college football and basketball, same thing to me. They have 100,000 people.

Yeah. Fuck you. Pay those guys. Pay them. Pay those girls. Pay all those athletes. You're making money. You're making money and you're not sharing it with the athletes.

They might as well be slaves. They might as well be fucking prisoners. The Olympics, NCAA, all that shit. It's just there's no way. There's no way you could do that fresh today. If you started from scratch today and said we're going to make billions of dollars and we're going to give you unguts. Unguts are cool. There's no way. You can never do it.

Imagine if they did that with the Olympics today. They said, look, we're going to spend billions of dollars and the athletes, what are they going to pay? Oh, we're not going to pay them shit. They don't get anything. Matter of fact, if you make any money, you're fucked. You're out. It used to be that if you made money, you're out, but now they let basketball players play

in the Olympics. They let the NBA players Because I think it was Russia was getting close and they beat us once in 72, I think. Oh, is that what it was? They started thinking about it then when they were catching up. The European players were catching up. They go, fuck this. We're going to send over our brothers. NBC Sports is about to make $.4 billion dollars in 22 days

thanks to the Super Bowl and the Winter Olympics the Super Bowl at least is professional athletes I get that whether they get paid enough is up for debate I get that but the Olympics they're not getting paid dick and it's fucking gross

and it makes me angry and it's one of the reasons why I don't watch the Olympics I get mad at it you know i wanted to be in the olympics at one point in time to fight i wanted to be in when taekwondo was being introduced the olympics in 1988 i tried out for the national team i got it to like the quarterfinals in miami i won three fights and it was um that was the last like my my last uh my really last fascination with Taekwondo. I'd kind of given up on Taekwondo really before it. I'd started kickboxing already and I'd realized the limitations of Taekwondo. What is that?

The hands, punching to the face. Taekwondo, you don't punch the face. You punch the body and you kick to the face and kick to the body. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's a very different thing because it's so easy to punch someone in the face comparatively and so hard to kick someone in the face so the the dexterity of the legs like for people that know how to kick it's just it's just you develop much more leg dexterity and you get way better at kicking and moving your legs but as as soon as you fight a good boxer, you realize how poor the balance is between your hands and your feet.

And I had to really develop my hand techniques. And so I was really concentrating on boxing at that point in my life. Like really learning how to box and learning how to punch correctly and learning how to put kicks together with punches. Because there's a bunch of stuff that you can get away with if someone's not punching you in the face that you can't get away with as soon as they start doing it. And I was already kind of disillusioned because I was learning. I was just learning that it was very flawed.

And then I started doing Muay Thai with leg kicks. And I realized, like, well, Jesus Christ, as soon as you kick the legs, most of this shit's out the window. It changes what's a bill what you can and can't get away with what do you think is the most lethal of martial arts the best martial art to learn for someone for self-defense or even fighting them for beating them in the fight it's hard to beat wrestling because wrestling you dictate whether or not

the fight stays up or goes to the ground. Wrestling is like, in my opinion, the best base. But once you've passed that, then it's about submissions. So it's wrestling and then submissions. Because if a guy has wrestling, he can take you to the ground and punch you in the face and stuff like that. But if the guy on the bottom is good at jiu-jitsu, he might still be able to submit you like the early UFC days. Hoyce Gracie submitted much larger people like Dan Severin off of his back

and Dan Severin was a real world class wrestler at the time and Hoyce submitted him off his back with Jiu Jitsu because he didn't know Jiu Jitsu so I think wrestling the ability to take someone down is probably number one but Jiu Jitsu is a very close second because the problem

with Jiu Jitsu is if a guy knows how to wrestle really good and he can keep you standing up if he's better at punching and kicking he could fuck you up standing up and you'll never get the fight to the ground to use your jiu-jitsu because his wrestling could also keep the fight standing the wrestling dictates where the fight takes place that to me is like the most critical thing like you have if you're a wrestler you have the ability to take someone down you have the ability to stand up and you have the ability to keep someone from taking you down those are those are giant like that to be able to choose where the fight takes place is giant that's cool but when i was doing taekwondo there was really no mma no one had ever even invented it like i stopped fighting in 88 i think 88 or 89 i'm not exactly sure i was doing

comedy at the time too when did i when did you say we met we met in 93 i think or 92 might have been 92 so i was probably with kim at the time yes yeah yeah yeah um yeah i was done fighting then i was done but i was still thinking about it i was still thinking about it for years you know if everything went wrong comedy fell apart for me maybe I'd take a fight you know when did you know the comedy wasn't gonna fall apart a couple weeks ago two weeks it's looking good I was driving one of my four four cars driving my one car over to the other car I'm saying it's might work out sell all this and just live modestly yeah I don't know, man.

I guess really, I really didn't think it was going to work out until I was on TV. You know? Then I was like, hey, this might be all right. Yeah. But that's a good thing, though. The not knowing if it's going to work out is what keeps you hungry. I think the worst thing in life could ever happen is you get an inheritance. Kind of takes the incentive away, huh?

Just why? Yeah. You're not scared. If you're not scared about the future, you're not scared about what the fuck's going to happen. You have to. That feeling of not knowing is awesome. I mean, that feeling creates movement and anxiety and energy. Like some of my best sets I've ever had.

The biggest jumps I've ever had in my life in my career have been after I'd had terrible sets and some of my best moments in life as a person have been after I felt terrible like after I just fucked something up or I did something stupid and I just like how could I do that like the fuck is wrong with me and then you feel like shit for a few days and then you emerge out of it like a phoenix from the ashes and you feel you're a better person because of that bad feeling like those bad moments like don't just drown them out don't take pills don't don't just drown them out sometimes those bad moments are an incentive for you to move forward and progress i remember when i did the tonight show the first time it was not fun because it was like the imprimatur.

Was it Johnny Carson? Yeah. Wow. And it was like. What was that like? It was terrifying. I wanted to run into the woods in Burbank and start a new life. I swear to God.

I just. I was so fucking. Small patch of woods. I was scared. Yeah, I know. You can see your tent from the street. Do you know what I did, Joe, after my set? What?

I went and did a set at the Comedy Store. Oh, wow. Yeah, I just wanted to see the juxtaposition of the two. It must have felt good. Oh, it felt great. Just to be back on my turf, you know, because that wasn't my turf. They said Teddy Bergeron did that. Do you remember Teddy Bergeron's set at the Comedy Store?

Let me tell you this, folks. I don't know if I've said this before. I probably have because I'm a repetitive fuckhead. But Teddy Bergeron at one point in time was one of the greatest comics that ever lived.

He was fucking incredible. And he did a Tonight Show set and he got on the piano and he was like singing on the piano and talking on the piano. And it was magical. Magical. And they said he went to the comedy store

that night and got fucked out of his head and was stumbling into the streets and just out of his mind just had a problem with substances yeah i know i remember him he being so drunk that we were at a club in long island and he sat on the edge of the stage and started crying and the audience thought that he was fucking around so i started laughing oh my god yeah can you imagine that's hilarious and by the way his first set on the tonight show this is what i was told he did so much overtime that they had to bump somebody and that's why he went to the couch wasn't he went to the couch because it was so great it was and he never did the show again as far as i know but i think he never did the show again because he fucked something up. I think he got drunk and fucked something up.

But he did way too much time. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. But they loved him. Like, Johnny was loving him. Like, how could he not have him on again? Well, Johnny was very supportive of mostly everybody, you know? So, I mean, he was the greatest.

Didn't Howard Stern hate Johnny Carson, though? Did he really? I think he did. I think he hated him. Like, I remember him talking about Johnny Carson being a terrible person. Wow. A piece of shit. Yeah, I'm pretty talking about Johnny Carson being a terrible person. Wow. A piece of shit. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I hope I'm not wrong with that. The most nervous I ever got, ever, for doing anything was doing Stern. Oh, yeah? I was terrified. Because you wanted to... Because he was an idol of mine. I mean, for me, he was my generation's Johnny Carson. Yeah.

Because I didn't give a fuck about being on The Tonight Show. To me, I was a dirty comic. I cared about Kinnison. I never thought I'd be on a show. Yeah. I like guys like Hicks and Kinnison and Dice and Pryor. And, like, that's not – that Tonight Show stuff was great. I enjoyed watching, like, Jenny on or you on or someone who could do that style and do it really well. That style was really hard for me. I'd

rather do improv. But you used to do it well. You were great on those shows. Thanks I tried but you know. But it's not you like at the comedy store killing. No. It's a different thing. It's a different thing. I just was never attracted to it. It's just to me the five minutes, the censorship, the all the stuff is just like it it didn't mean anything to me. I always think the coolest thing about your career is you did what you wanted to do. I mean, you basically

you did a sitcom. Look at the career you have now. I mean, it's like it's only you in that lane. You know what I mean? It's bizarre. I don't know how it happened. You do this announcing jobs and it's like you could be just that and you're already a success but you got stand up you got

anything you want you know well yeah it's just like you said it's just things i enjoy i'm lucky that there's things that i enjoy that are jobs yeah they're lucrative it's always a good thing but the night before i did stern for the first time, I was shit in my pants. That's funny. I would never have thought that. Nervous as fuck. Because it was, to me, it was like,

I can't even believe I'm really going to do a show. Yeah. Like, to me, like, if they told me I was going to do a Tonight Show,

I'd be like, all right, I'll do it. Like, I mean, I would have been nervous. I would have been a little nervous. Would you do it now? No.

No, I don't want to. I was, I've seen it before, I don't want to do anything. All you could do is lose. It's better you keep... Well, I mean, you can win. You can have a good set and have fun and everything like that. But you're expected to have a good set.

Well, it's just I talk too much. I talk too much already. I talk too much so far. Let's go play pool. Let's wrap this fucker up. You want to? Dominic, let's do it. I'll shoot a couple games.

All right, let's wrap this up and go play pool. Well, thanks for having me on. Anytime, my brother. Anytime. Where can people see you? You got some dates coming up? Next week,

I'm at the Black Box in Boca Raton. And then the following week, I'm at Vinnie Brand's Club, Stress Factory. Oh, in New Jersey. Awesome club. And then the Improv at Vegas

in the first week of April. And all of this on your website? I don't know. Who maintains your website? Some guy who's a fan of mine. He's a great guy. This guy, David. Hey, Dave.

Tell us. Is it domerera.com? Yeah. Do you have a calendar up there? How the fuck do people find out where your gigs are? I try and keep it secret. I don't want to be bothered By crowds

Dominic Carter Ladies and gentlemen We're gonna go play some pool Love you brother Love you too