The Joe Rogan Experience - #1086 - Rory Albanese

Episode Date: February 28, 2018

Rory Albanese is a comedian, comedy writer and television producer. He was an executive producer and writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and also appeared on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore.

Boom and we're live what happened you took your hat off you're going crazy I'm trying to feel you know I want to feel at home it's that West Coast marijuana dude yeah hard right just hard and fast it's no joke it's no chemists or whatever they are botanists he's fucking science dorks they've done a wonderful job yeah Jesus Christ it's not even the same thing anymore. No. It's a, it's a, it's GMO all the way. Yeah, it's like,

hey, hey, hey, have you guys tested this on people yet? I know, it's crazy. I'm like, I know you took the seeds out of watermelon, but what the?

Yeah, how the fuck did they do that? I don't know. How did that even happen? I don't know. I just read that a Barbra Streisand cloned her dogs.

Did you read that? I heard about that. Jamie told me. It's like the weirdest thing, dude. She has two dogs from one. That's weird. She made two clones of her favorite dog. That is like the polar opposite of adopt, don't shop.

Yeah. It's like you can't get any further. Yeah. It costs like $100,000. Oh, my God. Of course it does. Yeah. She can't have a different shape.

It's impossible. It can't be a different dog. It's impossible. It can't be a different dog. It's impossible. Yeah. It's a weird move. Man, if you really believe that personality comes from that, if it's the same thing, like if it just looks the same, you don't want it to just look the same, do you? No, it's supposed to be an identical clone of your original dog.

What if it's just really, really stupid? What if it's your favorite dog, but this time it's just shit all over the place and walking in the walls? We've got bad news. It doesn't have an asshole. It just didn't work all the way. It worked most of the way. It looks like him.

It's like 94% your dog, and then it's missing an asshole. It's 30% as smart as your last dog. Which is pretty good, because your last dog was a genius. Also, there's another dog attached to it that's walking in a different direction. They're eventually going to pull each other apart. But for now, you have each other. Yeah, you got six to eight weeks with these weird two-headed beasts.

For $100,000. Yeah. You could just go to the pound. Yeah, for free. I have a story that I do in my act about a pound dog that i had i had a pound dog that killed one of my dogs wow pound dogs are tricky man you know you get a dog that's been in like a shelter for a long time yeah sometimes they they're in there for months they come out highly aggressive and um like my some of them my dog's a shelter dog but i got her

i mean she's 13 now but when i got her she was a puppy you know and they found she was a stray puppy she's a little black lab like just wandering in the bronx yeah and i got her probably like three days after they found her what age do you think a dog would have to be like you got to imagine like a certain amount of abuse that a dog suffers early in its life before it gets to the pound has got to really fuck with its head yeah like there's dogs that you get at the pound has got to really fuck with its head. There's dogs that you get at the pound. You're essentially taking on an abused organism.

Completely. It's not just that it doesn't have a home. It might have been in dog fights. I'm pretty sure that mine, either its family was in dog fights or it was in a dog fight. And there's people around you that are probably kicking you and beating you. Oh, yeah.

Or you're tied up for hours at a time. You have no free reign. I mean, who knows? But I do think dogs can be rehabilitated, but I do think it takes... You have to have a... Look, even have a dog be a good dog, right? I don't know enough. When I have my puppy, I worked with my dog so much, and she's a great dog.

I could walk in New York City without a leash. She just follows me. Oh, really? Yeah, she's amazing. That's amazing. But I worked so hard. And then if you add to that, you have to first, like, de-brainwash them or get them over the anxieties. Like, there are certain dogs that just hate men because, obviously, in their former home, there was an abusive man in the house and, you know, they react differently to men than women. You know, it's.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you never know. A dog can't tell you what it's seen. You know. Nope. I had one dog that I adopted.

She was two. And she had mange all over her body, like all over her body. And she looked terrible, man. And they caught her eating out of garbage cans in front of this uh family's house that rescues pit bulls and uh i took her in and like within a month she had hair on her body she looked great she was healthy sweetest dog sweetest dog with people but if another dog got too close she would fuck that dog up. It was like she was protecting what she had. It was real hard to have an aggressive pound dog.

Yeah, and depending on their size. Or wild dog. But it is the thing I would always tell people to try to do first. Because I am a big adopt-don't-shop guy. If you go to a dog pound. You can find some amazing dogs. And where I got my dog if you go which is like animal care and control in new york city like they euthanize like 100 dogs a day

like it's literally just like their dogs are coming in all the time dogs with stab wounds dogs they find in the park half day and then they like they have five days in that pound and then they're out so it's like i was when i was there this is again like 13 years ago but when i was getting my dog and i was waiting to pick her up this woman came in with two rottweilers beautiful rottweilers on leashes and she goes i don't want these anymore oh man and then the lady behind the camera's like well what do you mean like that you know and she was like i just can't handle them and then they like took the leash and she walked out and then they were just these two no i don't know if they were trained to kill or not i was going going to be like, add two Rottweilers

to my tab. Yeah, you can't do that. Who knows? I knew nothing about them but I'm like, well, in five days those dogs are dead because they're like

four-year-old Rottweilers. I had a Doberman that we adopted when I was a kid and it had distemper. Which does what? It's a disease that makes them

really aggressive in this crazy way. The dog turned on us. That's scary. Oh, dude, it was so scary. I was like, I couldn't have been more than 12. I was like, maybe 12 somewhere around then. And this big ass Doberman is like showing its teeth and barking and snapping at us. And out of nowhere. Yeah, it was the sweetest dog before. And then all of a sudden it's on the couch, like looking down on us. And we were like, whoa, what is happening here? And so they came and took the dog, I think. Or did we take the dog to the pound?

I don't remember what happened. Or to the vet, rather. And then they ran an examination on the dog. And they're like, this dog has distemper. So we've got it with this weird disease. And that's like, you can't have that in a house with kids. I don't know what the fuck they do. Well, I was a kid at the time, and my parents weren't having it, but I don't remember, like, I don't remember too much about it.

Yeah, they sent him to a farm, Joe. I just remember that dog on the couch. I just remember that dog on the couch showing its teeth, snapping at us. Scary. And I was like, oh, shit, we brought home a dog, a full-grown dog that has a disease. My mom's cousin, so my, like, second cousin was married to a dude for a number of years

who had this Rottweiler that was, like, a psychotic dog. And, like, at one point, it jumped through their bay glass windows in their house to try to get the mailman and got caught between the two windows. It was fine. I mean, it had stitches and they had to pull some glass out of it, but it didn't impact the dog.

And it dove through a window. It just didn't make it. It would have killed the mail. It was just because somebody was walking up their porch. Jesus Christ. And that same, almost the one time, like my grandparents had a house upstate and they were there Like my brother opened a door and came out him, you know, it's just like But some people just like having like a scary dog

Like that's not the kind of dog you just want around a kid, you know, it's just no people get killed Oh, yeah, it certainly can happen Especially if it's like really aggressive with people like that like Jesusesus that's so dangerous that's a monster yeah and they're huge right why there's like a hundred and four thousand animals those big males those big frying pan heads yeah and they're giant flat heads it's funny too because we're talking about like genetic modifications or cloning but really dogs if you look at them historically that they've been that the whole time. Man has manipulated what they wanted of certain animals

and they've bred the meanest, toughest ones to be guard dogs and they've bred the cutest take a piss on a paper mat ones to be lap dogs. Those are all choices that were made. By humans. Yeah, by humans. And over time by continued breeding of ones that were

the same and same and same, you end up with breeds and things. Man really played a huge role in the kind of dogs that were out there. I think man did the whole thing. Yeah. Because when they did the genome, when they mapped out the DNA, it's a wolf. Yeah. Every dog is a wolf. Yeah. No matter how big the dog is. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. Think about how powerful and terrifying and majestic a wolf is, right? Yeah. I mean, it's one of the most amazing creatures in the forest and agree more and we found just the one that was just slightly bitch-ass just slightly bitch-ass like come on in the campfire bro yeah dude we got free food okay I don't like your ears poking up like this dude just relax relax for your. I think you're too alert. Yeah.

Like you're looking to kill me. And then they found a male that was like that, too. Yeah. We should make these two fucking do something here. They figured out a way to get the bitch ass family that stayed real close to them to fuck each other. And then she's like, they were like, let's take the two smallest ones and make them do it.

And then, you know. And then they probably invented dog houses. And I bet dog houses changed the game. You think so? As soon as you put a roof over them, they're like, this is amazing. They're like, we're in. I want to be a wolf. Absolutely.

All this extra hair. Get rid of this shit. How about not having a hunt every day? It's like, this is great. I want white curly hair. I'm a poodle now, motherfucker. Excuse me, I'd like a perm. A perm!

And a bed with my name on it, please. And they make them p puffy with oh my god Yeah, this is so funny amazingly foo-foo dog, but it's still a dog that dog will fuck you up. Yeah Some of those poodles are ruthless Those things will come out. Yeah poodles probably have an attitude to like no one takes them seriously Yeah, if you had yeah, I got a bunch of guard dogs. What do you got then 90-pound po poodles. Shut the fuck up. Oh my god. But that's still a dog. Yeah, it is. It would be so funny if that thing that

looked like a Barbie toy. Right? It looks like a Barbie toy. It doesn't even look like a real dog. That dog will fuck you up. It'll bite your dick off. But I have to say, I feel bad when I see dogs have that haircut because they have no part in it. You know what I mean? Look at these dogs!

Yeah! Jamie's showing us a picture of dogs with braids. Unreal. Okay, now seriously. Those dogs are wearing slippers. Is that cultural appropriation? A little bit. How does that work?

A little bit. I feel like it might be. They're white dogs. They're stealing from Santa Claus. Look at the colors. Yeah. They got Santa's gang colors. God, people just... You know, like the-

What in the fuck is that? It's not okay. What in the fuck did they do to this dog? We're looking at a dog. That's a buse. Its body is a pink snail, and I'm not joking. It looks like a pink snail, like a swirly with hot pink accents. Is that how you'd say it?

Yeah. Stripes, accents. And its back leg is a flower. Yeah, it's fucking preposterous. Spray painted. They spray painted the dog. The dog is dying. It's chemicals.

It has green hair, too. It says the poodles transformed into pandas, horses. Don't do that, you fucks. And even snails. It's so messed up. They take certain dogs and they make them look like a lion. What dog did they do that with? What the fuck did they do to this dog?

They turned a dog into a camel. This is so mean. People are such assholes. This is so mean. This is the same dog? This is abuse. Come on. It says Cindy the Poodle right here.

This is as bad as like hitting a dog, in my opinion. So Cindy the Poodle just is a new look every year, like Madonna in the 90s. Oh, Cindy, I'm so sorry. Psychedelic snail. Cindy. Oh, my God, Cindy. Here's the panda. What kind of wacky parents. Oh, my God. Cindy. Oh, my God, Cindy. Here's a panda. What kind of wacky parents.

Oh, my God. That's a different dog. They turned this dog into a panda. That's so messed up. It's hair white and black. Imagine coming over to someone's house. You're like, you got a fucking bear in your house. Bro, I'm not into exotic wildlife.

Excuse me, you have a camel and a panda in your front yard? Hey, dude, I can't pet your bear. I can't pet your bear. Oh, this is mean, dude. They turned it into a bear. I can't pet your bear. I have family. They turned it into a horse. They turned it into a football player. For folks who are just listening, what is the name of this, Jamie? Because we have to tell people about this.

It's a poodles transformed into pandas, horses, snails, et cetera. It's on the Daily Mail. Just Google that and you'll find it. The Daily Mail link. Oh, my God, a buffalo. One of them, they turned into a bison. Did they put a mask on it? Did they glue a mask to its head? I don't know.

These are monsters, these people. Yeah, these are horrible people. What did they do to the dog? They gave him a muzzle? They did the muzzle, yeah. They put a muzzle on it so it looks like a football helmet. To complete that. He could be a football player from the 30s.

You know, he had to have one with a face mask. What did they put, a wig on? How'd they do the buffalo? The buffalo doesn't even make sense. The rooster. Scroll back up again. The rooster. Scroll back up to the buffalo. Where's it? No, where's its actual head? Oh, so they put something over its head. I don't know look at that. It looks like they put a outfit on him Where's his head seems mean this is mean like extra years. You think they put a mask on them

It looks like this is so fucked up. Like how you were a werewolf. No, I'm just a dog, man. Oh, God, a peacock dog. The last one they turned into a peacock. They literally glued feathers to its ass. That is just, everything about this is terrible. It looks like it might be actually just standing there. And they have the feathers propped up against the wall.

Possibly. Am I seeing that correctly? But the other stuff is done to it. I think that's what I'm seeing. It has wings painted on it. Yeah, that's on the back of the platform. Yeah, it's unfortunate. But the other stuff is done to it. I think that's what I'm seeing. It has wings painted on it. Yeah, that's on the back of the platform. Yeah, it's unfortunate. Not nice.

I don't like it. It just seems like you got a dog for the wrong reason. I know. You know, go get a fucking Mr. Potato Head. Don't get a dog. That's a dog. The fuck are you doing? How about decorate your house?

Don't decorate the goddamn dog. Yeah, it's just... Christ. I don't know. People are terrible. They're gross. They're gross. They make so many bad decisions.

But it's interesting. One of the things that was coming out of South Korea during the Olympics was people were talking about, in Asian countries, the consumption of dogs. It became a big hot point issue with a lot of people. Yeah It's it is weird that we like choose certain animals that it's okay to kill and eat. I could agree more man I think that our our food hang-ups are so specific to our country like I think But a bacon egg and cheese sandwich right is fried pigs ass But a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, right, is fried pig's ass, unfertilized embryo, and mold.

Well, that's not true. And mold. What do you mean? It's an unfertilized embryo, but nothing has to die. No, nothing has to die, but it's an egg. Yeah, it's an egg. Yeah. Yeah.

And sometimes you ever crack an egg and there's a little chicken in there? No, I've had little extra things in there. No, I've had like a little gross. Really? Yeah, not like a little extra things in there. No, I've had like a little gross. Really? Yeah, not like a full chicken, but like, oh, that's going to be a chicken. You know, I was like in my 40s before I knew that an egg couldn't become a chicken. That's what I never thought about.

That's how stupid I was. Yeah, it had to get fertile. The rooster had to be in the hen house. I didn't know they laid eggs all the time. I didn't know that until I was in my 40s. Yeah, I don't think I... You gotta be in a farm setting to know that. But you imagine if you were a farmer, what a fucking asshole you would think

somebody is that didn't know. They, like, ripped you off on your chickens? No, someone that didn't know. Like, you didn't know that that couldn't just become a chicken? Like, no, I just... It's like, that's one of the things where it's... People that are vegetarians,

I urge you to eat eggs, eat eggs. It's a free ride. Yeah. They just give up coming out anyway. They're coming out, coming out anyway. If you get it for,

you can get it from a place like, just like you can get organic grass fed beef. You can get pasture raised chickens. They do have that. Then pasture raised chicken eggs. The yolks come out dark. You just got to figure out where to get them. They're not as,

they're, they're more expensive, but they're not as expensive as meat, right? I mean, they're really good for you, too. The eggs last a surprisingly long time. It's a free ride. The chicken is going to eat all that stuff on the ground, the bugs and all the worms. If you don't want to kill anything, just eat those eggs. Yeah.

It's good for you. Very good for you. They're fucking amazing for you. Goddamn, I'm anti-egg propaganda. I'm a big egg fan. I love eggs. Yeah. eggs yeah it's good for you very good for you they're amazing for you god damn i'm i'm anti-egg propaganda i'm a big i love eggs yeah i can eat eggs every morning i do yeah i eat them almost every day yeah yeah i just think that it's a one of the most karma free things yeah like you gotta exchange with these animals like i have an exchange i give the animals food they eat the food they lay the eggs i'm nice to them i come into their little caged area they don't run from me Exchange with these animals. Like, I have an exchange. I give the animals food. They eat the food.

They lay the eggs. I'm nice to them. I come into their little caged area. They don't run from me. They come around. I give them little treats and shit. They're like pets. Yeah.

They have this really cool life. They get to wander around. Occasionally, they get jacked by coyotes. Really? I've had three. But how much? Are they jacked? They're not in a coop? At least two.

One of them, I'm suspicious. You don't have them in a coop? At least two. One of them I'm suspicious. You don't have them in a coop? Man, it's a fucked up story. I've told it before. I'll briefly tell it again. My mastiff got honeydicked by a female coyote. Oh, my God. And he thought the coyote was his buddy.

And he got to... Now, this is... I should say that my gender, you know, gender identifying with this coyote, I did not have a chance to, like, really closely examine it. I'm just being, it's for the good of the story. This is what I think, this is my theory. I think it's a littler coyote, and I really think it was a female. It was hanging around my house for a while, and it talked my dog into knocking down a fence.

And he's huge. Okay. And when he got through the fence, he got to the chicken coop. And one of the chickens was doing a thing called brooding. And when they brood, they're convinced that if they sit on their egg, that that egg is going to turn into a chicken. They're fucking convinced. They get like a little depressed. They get nutty.

Yeah. They're fucking convinced. They get a little depressed. They get nutty. And what you have to do when they're brooding is you have to take them off of the nest and put them in a cage by themselves with just a perch. So they just sit on the perch for like a day or two, and then it leaves their system. But if you let them lay on it, it'll take like 30 days. It takes a long time.

They pluck their feathers off. So how often are you monitoring your chickens that you're like, oh, we got a brooder? Oh, it's pretty evident. It's pretty obvious. Yeah, you look at them every day. If one of them is in the hen box, like where they lay their eggs, and she's getting weird when you get near her,

like, they're a little weird with you. And they'll peck at you a little bit. They don't try to hurt you, but they're like, get the fuck away from me. They're protecting what they think is... They think there's a baby in there. Oh man, that's sad. It is, it is.

But what's the alternative? You got a bunch of cocks in your yard, just jacking all these poor hens, they're all running away. Just cock walking around. I'd be watching chicken rape in my backyard 24-7. But maybe once in a while, bring a cock in to give them know, give them a weekend.

What we need is bird birth control. I don't want these chickens shitting out kids. I could bring in a couple of roosters. I'm willing to make a few adjustments. This is what I want. I want sever the rooster's vocal cords. I don't want to hear that shit at five o'clock in the morning.

Yeah, we know the sun's coming up, you piece of shit. Yeah, Siri told me. Siri told me. And that would be one and then uh make it so his dick doesn't work like like his sperm you like uh what do you call that uh yeah give him a little fix-it job yeah just let him bang it out for pleasure huh yeah occasionally you'll let one fertile male in just going i think that house i think a rooster without a voice is not going to be,

you're going to have a brooding rooster on your hands. That's going to take what the rooster, you know, it's half of its identity, man. Yeah, what a piece of shit I am. No, I'm just saying like, you know. Denying this rooster. I've seen people who have clipped their dog's vocal cords because their dog barks too much. I've heard of that before. I'm like, that's fucking crazy, man.

That is, it is annoying when they bark at you, though. Sure. But it's just, I wouldn't say try training it. Female chickens have the weirdest birth control method ever. Ooh, what is it? Did you know about that? No, what is it? But it's got to be a chemical.

Chickens have long known to a time eject sperm after doing the deed. Wow. That wasn't well established. What wasn't well established was the underlying reason for what's technically known as seminal evacuation. I like how they give us the technical term. Because now I understand it better. I would prefer it's technically termed. Just call it shooting jizz.

Yeah. The jizz shot. But in a recently published paper, a team led by Oxford researcher Rebecca Dean explains that this behavior is, in fact, far from random and that the tendency for females to jettison sperm is actually a finely tuned mechanism of post-copulatory sexual selection. Wow. Wow.

Wow. That's weird. Dude. Ah. Well, that'd be a weird thing to see, right? Walk into a chicken coop and a chicken just... Deny your sperm. Shoots a little... What would be the evolutionary advantage?

Not that you're a biologist, nor am I. We should probably stop there. What would be the evolutionary advantage of being able to shoot sperm out? Maybe you get a vibe from that rooster that he's an asshole. Yeah, I don't want to have his kids. I wasn't consent. I didn't say yes to that. I'm tired of his bullshit. Who knows? I don't like his crow.

We're like, why did he take me last? You know what I mean? Why did I have to wait for four other chickens? I wonder if rooster crows are like, that's what it's called, right? A crow? Yeah, I think so. I wonder if that is like national anthems,

in that some people nail it and some people just overdo it. And some chickens kneel during it. Like some hens are just like, Jesus Christ, we get it. You're awake. You're awake. We get it. Yeah, we got it the first time. Oh, say, can you see?

Yeah, maybe that's the determining factor. I don't have a life. You know, you're like, nah, it's not supposed to be that long. It's a shorter song than you're doing. You're doing a totally different song. And you're doing that thing with your voice that yeah you do not tell you not to do yeah they love that hundred percent of the time I wish I could do that thing yeah when I lived in the East Village in New York City

back like your 2000 1999 it was it was it hadn't really been like a you know a neighborhood that was gentrified or whatever you want to call it at the time. And there was a lot of roosters in the neighborhood. Like these parking lots, they had these empty lots where there were no buildings. And people just had chickens and roosters outside. So I was like, I don't know, 22 years old sleeping in my apartment in the East Village. And every morning, I'd wake up to a rooster crowing. every morning and then after a while the community started hanging these signs like are you sick of the roosters like and then they I was like oh they're turning on the dudes who own the

roosters dude yeah which was just not cool because it was like those guys had lived there a long time and had roosters you know so there's something there was a petition to get rid of the roosters yeah all these rooster petitions and then over like maybe a year and a half, two years, it was no more roosters. Wow. Yeah. One of those like end of an era things in New York City where people still had like just wandering chickens in an empty lot. It had like hubcaps in it and chickens.

How come people don't understand how cool that is? I don't know. I don't know. It's like this. People don't understand how cool that is. I don't know. I don't know. It's like this.

It's this weird thing that happens in cities where people come in and take all the culture out of it and then complain. Yeah. Like, oh, what happened to all the culture? It's like, you removed it. You actively came in and removed it. Well, isn't it a problem? To make it as much of a suburban environment so you could have kids in a minivan and all the stuff you would have had in the burbs anyway. When you say that, though, isn't it a problem that it's not like one individual that's doing it it's like a whole movement of economics right it's a movement of economics but there is a

lot in my opinion of sort of community like activism towards making the community the way they envision it to be right so you end up with a lot of signs. It's like, we're working on a tomato co-op. And you're like, well, maybe, you know, now it's, so now you, oh, there's a tomato co-op they're working on. I've got to get in on that. And, you know, and then like, so there's a lot of like, I'm not saying that things are doing are bad, but they're definitely, you know, there's just been a removal of a lot of that stuff.

And look, there's this argument about New York City that people go, oh, it used to be better. You know, it's like, no, like it was really dangerous. It was better. But there's so there's an up and down to it. It's better unless you were the guy that got shot. Exactly. And like and then there's the other part, which is you can I look at cities like this.

It's like you're always building something on top of something else that was already there. So to us is like, I can't believe that hardware store went out of business. It's like, yeah, well, maybe my grandfather's. I can't believe they put in a hardware store.. It's like, yeah, well, maybe my grandfather's. I can't believe they're putting a hardware store in where the horseshoe guy used to be. It's like, oh, really? The telegraph guy's going out? This is bullshit. It's probably something people felt.

Anytime you're somewhere first, you always feel like someone's ruining it. Yeah, I think we're in a very interesting time in a lot of amazing ways. And I think we're learning more about people and behavior I think than ever before I think we need to give ourselves a little bit of a break in this because I think everybody has this feeling like why haven't we got our shit together why haven't we fully evolved and my take on this is that this is a really recent thing. Like being aware of what the fuck is going on just in the general scheme of being in the universe is a very recent thing. Yep.

And what we know about life and what we know about, you know, just our own finite life form, how far it's going to be able to be pushed how long we can stay alive you know what how how easy it is to transfer information from australia to china to fucking england and back and forth and back and forth we're in the craziest time ever and it's all really fucking recent really new yeah 20 plus years. If that. Because if you go back 20 years ago, the internet existed, but you couldn't watch a video on it. No. To me, the smartphone thing is, every day, I'm like, I can't believe I have this thing in my pocket. It's insane.

It's like, if you don't remember what it was like to like, you know, there's this whole vibe where people are like, millennials don't get it. And I'm know and like i don't know i have the same attention span as a millennial because i'm on my phone like this is joke that adults that adults are better you know and i'm like i don't know like i did a uso tour in afghanistan a couple years ago and i met all those dudes like the soldiers men and women over there and i was like really blown away i was like really impressed this idea that like our best days are behind us, all that stuff. And I'm going, I don't know. This is a really impressive group of young people who are, like, fighting for the country, volunteering to fight for the country. And, like, coming back here, sometimes wounded, sometimes, you know, all the things that they risk going there.

But then, like, you meet them and you're like, these are, like, they're not, like, jarheads, you know. They're, like, sophisticated thinkers and they're, like, trying to, like, you meet them, and you're like, these are like, they're not like jarheads, you know? They're like sophisticated thinkers, and they're like trying to, like, be a part of something. I found it very, like, inspiring to be around that. Not like, oh, boy, a bunch of losers, millennial losers. I was like, these dudes seem awesome. Yeah, I mean, there's, we have a soft life now. So there's going to be a lot of people that are ridiculous and, you know, are there's always been those people that are weak willed and they want the world to be nerfed up

and pad their feelings. You're going to have that. But there's also more people that have an understanding of like, that's not a happy, healthy way to live your life. No, it's not. And I also think that reality at some point will always supersede nerf padding. There's always going to be a pushback on that where you go, look, I don't want to offend anybody. And I do agree that there's a

movement by the left that really does push. I did a thing where I'm doing this charity event for an urban program for kids, mainly inner city black kids. And I'm hosting it with my buddy, Mike Yard, who's a really funny comic, black dude. And we went to meet with the guys for this charity, and they were telling us that, you know, they have an auction, like any charity event, right? An auctioneer comes out, and they try to auction off and raise a lot of money from rich people to help the program that's a very basically 99.9

of every charity event i've ever been involved this has an auction segment in the dinner right they were like we're gonna have that but we can't use the word auction i said what what do you mean you can't use the word auction they're like it's a sensitive word for you know the community and i was like and then yard goes are you talking about slave auctions like like his head almost exploded he was like wait we can't and i was like wait we can't say the word auction i'm like but aren't you hiring a guy from sotheby's yeah his card's gonna say auctioneer on it oh my god we're just gonna pretend that's not what he's called and they were just like we just don't feel comfortable with That word in the room and I was just going I can't I said guys

I got to tell you like you're making me want to vote for Trump. That's what I said I said, that's how dumb I think this is I'm like I'll agree to it because I want to help these kids But this is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard Wow. Yeah, I couldn't believe I was like Can I say cotton am I allowed to say Like, what other words can I say? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. You're going to get triggered. Auctions. Yeah.

Auctions. We're not going to make a joke. We're not going to joke around about auctioning off a black person, although Yard and I probably would have. But first of all, when you say auction, you automatically think of that voice, think of that voice, think of that voice, head of the wine, head of the wine, head of the wine. Do you think they did that when they were doing that with slaves? I do not think they talked like that.

I don't know what their technique was, but I do know when I think of the word auction, I'm not like, oh, don't say that. Don't say the A word. Don't say the A word. It's absolutely accepted it's a different thing now. Yeah. It's like the word gay. It used to be Flintstones gay.

Have a gay old time. Having a gay time was like, we're out having a gay old time. And then it became gay. And then you had to stop saying it that way. You can't just go back to gay happy like Flintstones. No, you can't. But gay for me growing up was the thing we just said about everything all the time. Everything's gay.

It doesn't matter. Like the only thing you couldn't, you wanted to avoid. But it wasn't good, though. No, it was terrible. But when did gay go bad? I don't know. That's a good question. It went bad after the F word went bad. Did it? Yeah. F word went first. Was it connecting the two of them? Fucking gay? And like, whoa. No, no, not fucking. I meant the other

word for gay people that they get offended by. Oh, you're afraid to say in fact? No, I'm not afraid to, but I'm just kind of being sarcastic when I say the F word. The other F word. It's like the other white meat. Yeah, exactly. But, like, No, I'm not afraid to, but I'm just kind of being sarcastic when I say the F-word. The other F-word. It's like the other white meat. Yeah, exactly. But, like, that was the... And not that long. It was this idea of, like, if something was stupid, it was gay.

Like, it didn't mean homosexual. It meant, like, nah, dude, don't be so gay. But then you start thinking about it. Oh, I guess it does. I guess it's offensive because you're saying, saying like that stupid shirt you're wearing is gay. Of course it's that way, but isn't it weird that gay took a turn for the worst? Wouldn't you have loved

to have been at the intersection when gay went bad? Like, we'll have a gay old time. That's gay. Whoa. What? What are you saying? Like an intersection of thoughts and the mean one overran it. The mean one beat the happy gay.

It did. Gay took that, they took the word gay and turned it into either a negative, like, oh, that's gay, or homosexuality. How was it not connected to homosexuality before? I don't know. I don't know if the connection came from the fact that they were like, oh, those guys are gay. And they were being like, because they were being really, you know, they seemed really happy. They were like, boy, that guy's gay. He's really gay.

Look how gay he is with that shiny shirt on. Hey, that Liberace sure is gay. And then maybe someone was like, I'll show you gay. Next thing you know, people are like, hey, we've got to stop. You know, we should come up with a new word. Gay is a different thing now. Yeah, because I asked a guy to get gay with me, and it got really uncomfortable. There had to be like a time in between where it was real confusing, right?

Where they hadn't fully established what it meant yet. Where people were like, hey, man, are you gay? Yes, I am gay I'm having a gay old time guys like good and guy tackles him in the bushes yep like like the word hookup changed yeah like right around like when I was in high school but like my dad be like hey you're gonna hook up with your friends tonight you know what it means made up with your friends I'm like that's not what it means you. He's like, what do you mean? It means meet up with your friends. I'm like, that's not what it means. And all my buddies would be in the room like, hey, you guys going to hook up tonight?

I'm like, don't say that. Everyone's like, dude, your dad's gay. What did I say? Dad, don't be so gay. That's hilarious. It's so funny. Yeah, a lot of language shifts occur. It does feel like right now there's more policing of it and there's more people act.

I don't know. There's just like, there's a lot, like the word pussy is one of those where I... You can't say pussy anymore? No, people get offended by it. You hang around with the wrong people

if they're getting offended by the word pussy, unless you're overusing it. No, no. I'm saying, again, what I say or don't say is what I say or don't say and I take my licks if I have to,

but people get offended by it. That's a word now that if you're in a hardcore leftist community, you wouldn't say pussy anymore. But you'll still say dick. That guy's being a dick. It's like, well, that's offensive. Those communities need a hug. Yeah.

I feel like they don't need a hug, actually. I feel like they need to have too many hugs. I think there's just too much. I think it really goes back to our lives are easy now. So we have a lot of free time to come up with bullshit. We do. It's like if we had to actually, we didn't have electricity

or we didn't have all this ease, we wouldn't be harping on this stuff. It's just like you have a lot of down time. A lot of down time. So you're like, I'll start a blog. I think I'll start blogging about words you shouldn't say. We have so much surplus that one of our biggest

problems is that we eat too much food and we get too big. That's like one of the number one health problems that humans have. This is how much surplus we have. Even though i know people have it hard and there's people that are starving all over the world i'm aware but just in in general especially in america well what is like one of our number one problems is people just eat too much

and when we talk about people starving in america and you think about how much food is wasted and thrown out like it's anthony bourdain's doing a documentary on it yeah there's no there's no and thrown out. Anthony Bourdain's doing a documentary on it. Yeah, there's no, yeah, it's just a strange concept that there's like no internal desire. You know, it's like why I get annoyed at the Christian right.

You know, they're always like, oh, abortions, you're killing babies. What we need to do is have those babies and support young mothers who support young single moms. I'm like, when's the last time you fucking volunteered to support a young single mom who I'm like, when's the last time you fucking volunteered to support a young single mom

who had a baby Christian dude posting on Twitter? When's the last time you gave a Saturday of your day to take that kid to the zoo? Bullshit. You say it, but they don't fucking do anything about it. Well, it's a nice little box to put yourself in for some people. They think they're a good person because they're a Christian. But how much do you really act on it?

But you're taking your day to stand outside Planned Parenthood with a sign. Why not take the day to go help that kid who didn't get aborted and his mom can't feed him? Why not stop by there instead of holding a sign about the devil in front of a fucking clinic for women? It's just weird. It is weird. It's a weird thing that you can do it too right i mean that's

one of the weird things about people is that we know that if we don't do anything and we take care of ourselves a baby's coming and like if you get the first countdown like countdown like it's almost like we agree that there's like levels to the countdown like in the first couple of days no one gives a shit just pull the plug pull. Yeah. And then everyone's looking at everybody like, you feel okay? What happened? What happened? Yeah. It's not that big of a deal.

It's like, how many cells was it? It was only four cells at the time. Like, okay, four cells is not a lot of cells. And you start thinking, I don't think it really ever can be four cells. But you get my point. A tiny little thing. And then when does it become, when do you decide that's a person? I get, by the way.

When it looks like one? Listen, I get the argument. And, you know, I do think that I have my own personal philosophy on how I would handle a situation. But I don't. If you were a woman? No, no, no. I'm saying if I was in a relationship with a woman and she got pregnant and didn't want to have the kid or did want to have the kid, at the end of the day, we'd have a conversation together.

And if she was dead set on doing it, then we're going to do it. But my point being, I do believe that it's a weird thing to just tell other people what they're supposed to do or not. I feel that way about gay marriage. I feel that way about everything. It's a strange thing to be able to dictate to someone else how they they're supposed to live agreed because there's too many people doing that man like we got the right doing it through the christian right and we got the left doing it through you know all their all their movements and it's like i think the reason most people are so annoyed in the country isn't like even political it's like they're just sick of people telling them how to live

you know it's like i get it i can't say that, you want me to not have a gun? You hate guns. It's like, everyone just fucking stop. It's like, we need just like a national timeout for five minutes. I think we're just learning how to use this thing, man. We're learning how to integrate society into this kind of communication that we share right now. We're still figuring it out. I did talk about that with somebody the other day. I was actually just doing a set on stage, and I was riffing a little bit about how, you know, we talk about the Second Amendment a lot, and the Founding Fathers didn't know we were going to have assault rifles.

They didn't have the force to see that, so we have to rethink what that means. And it's like, well, they didn't know we were going to have Twitter. So maybe we have to rethink what the First Amendment means. They didn't know every fucking moron was going to have the ability to say stuff out loud on a national level. Just to use the internet. I mean, imagine how easy it was to govern people before the internet came around. It must have been so much easier.

Just lie to them. Yeah, lie to them. They have almost no access to the truth. What do you get? We get what Walter Cronkite tells you, bitch. That's all you get. That's what you get. It's like the entertainment industry.

It used to be like, you want to hear a song? Merv Griffin and Dick Clark will let you know what songs he can hear. If you were on the side of the people that are anti-abortion, there's one side of you that has to logically interpret that. If these people really did feel like babies were being murdered, like it was their perspective that babies were being murdered, if you completely ignore that perspective and just try to say it's a woman's

health issue yeah like i get i almost get where their mind is at i don't think that they should be interfering in anybody's life especially when something is legal and yeah and they fundamentally believe that's what's happening and you can see how don't interfere thought babies were being killed up the street right we can't allow this to happen. But what I'm saying is— But they'll tell you that they are babies. Yeah. And the problem with that argument is it holds some water. Sure.

Like, you really have to—I mean, if you're going to be a rational person, and I'm 100% pro-choice, but as a rational person, you have to look at what it actually is. If you don't, then we're playing a game. The game is you want your side to be correct. But the reality is this is a very complicated, weird thing. Yeah. There's like a life in your body. And for sure, a guy shouldn't be able to tell a girl what she can do.

Totally agree with that. You can't tell a woman she has to keep it. People have already aborted babies. There's a precedent for it. You can't tell them what they can do. All you can do is support their decision. Or offer. You can weigh in.

I think if you're their dad, you can weigh in on what you want. But at the end of the day, she's going to decide what she wants to do. And you just do is support their decision. Or, can weigh in. I think if you're the dad you can weigh in on what you want, but at the end of the day, she's going to decide what she wants to do and you just got to agree with it. Yeah. I think that's the move. I think you know, it's just, it's a very complicated thing. A life form that will eventually

become a person is inside your body. What do you do? Can you imagine if we had to make that decision? Yeah. We're lucky that chicks do it because we don't think correctly for that for that proposition no ability to weigh those options but I do think that the that you know the when I think about that I agree with you and I and I think most issues in the country are like that and like that's the whole problem there's no rationality on either side right there's no it's like no one rational center right like for example people will you know look there's

a lot going on with trump and russia and all that stuff wait what have you heard and then and then people will post something yeah well about obama scandals and then someone on the left to be like he had no scandals and then someone will list like five scandals you go yeah those were scandals like you can't just pretend that like and the Furious thing was good. That was bad. If you really like muscle cars, it's fun to watch. You know that Obama thing where he gave all the guns? Oh, that's right.

They lost all those guns. And some of them were used to kill people. Yeah, so it's like, I don't know. What was the logic behind that? They were going to trace them? Yeah, it's like an Iran contra-contra con did you see that movie by the way scam or was it a thing where they were trying to give them guns that they could trace they could trace and then they instantly couldn't trace them i think that was the i think that was the gist of it can you imagine if that was just really a

gun i mean this is some people do think it was like a just an illegal arm sale that happened right under our nose yeah well you imagine if that's really what it is? I mean, did you watch that? I just watched it the other night, that Tom Cruise movie, American Made. No, I did not, but I know what it's about. It's the first good Tom Cruise movie he's had out, I think, in a couple years. Really? Yeah, because he's kind of a dark character.

He's not like a hero. I know the Barry Seale story. Yeah, it's what this story is. So he's like a pilot who basically like, you know, the CIA was like, hey, you're a really good pilot. And we need a guy to like bring some guns to the, it's all the precursor of the Iran-Contra thing, which as a kid, I remember hearing all about. But then understanding it at a better level, which was us trying to arm rebels, which we've been doing for, we armed bin Laden against the Russians. We've been arming rebels for a long time. Yeah, that's our move right? Yeah big time and gang Yeah

and then So he became the dude the CIA asked to do that and he was like you got to pay me more money and the guy was Like you'll figure it out and then all of a sudden it became he would land to bring the guns dudes were like hey We want you to bring an Escobar and his crew were like Pablo Escobar like hey as long as you're bringing us guns We also want you on your flight home to bring 1,500 pounds of cocaine into your airplane. And then he was like, I'm not going to do that. No, thanks.

And they were like, 2,000 bucks a kilo. And he was like, how many kilos in 1,500 pounds? And it became like this insane two-way smuggler who's smuggling guns in and drugs out, guns in and drugs out. It's a really interesting story. What do you think happens today? Do you think that stuff like that is still going on today? Or do you think that when it happened, like, they figured out that it was a bunch of cowboys, like CIA operatives, that were just trying to make some money on the side? Or do you think it's like a systematic?

I think that it's like, i think that it's human error i think that like people that's why i'm not like a big conspiracy theorist because it's like i don't think the government's organized enough right it's always weird to me when people who think the government sucks who want small government they want the government we don't the government mishandles everything they don't know how to do this they don't know how to do this. They don't know how to do this. They can't manage traffic lights, whatever they think the government can't do. They can't do healthcare. They're idiots.

They're idiots, private sector. And then they're like, but there's a giant government conspiracy where all the government knows this thing. And I'm like, if they can't fucking manage traffic lights, how are they pulling off a fake moon landing or whatever?

It's like that kind of stuff to me. It's like you're perpetuating two very different views of an extremely competent, clandestine group of people who can achieve these dark, shadowy things without anyone knowing or bumbling morons. But they're the same people. They're government workers. So, I don't know. I think some CIA

like the story behind going into Iraq is interesting. A CIA operative had a theory about where it had been. I mean, not Osama, the fucking other dude. Saddam Hussein. Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. He had a theory, and he was an analyst at the CIA, and he wrote up this whole document. And they read it, and they were like, yeah, this is bullshit.

Like, we have no proof of any of this. Thank you. And he was so mad they did that, that he published it on the internet. Just leaked it to the internet. And then that story got on the internet, and then a dude in Australia, who was a spy, or like a guy from Australia, and another guy from Afghanistan or Iraq, read it on the internet, came to America,

and said, I have all the secrets of what he's doing and he just used that guy's document that he read online and told the CIA and then the guy came in and goes he has weapons here weapons here weapons here and then that analyst goes holy shit I was right meanwhile he's quoting him his own report so then he goes back to Cheney and he goes we've got this dude talking to the Germans saying all the things I theorized And then that's the guy curveball. We listen to a dude named curveball. So like that's how the whole fucking thing went down and basically

Some dude tricked us. He actually didn't know anything, but it was too late. We like Went off the information that a dude read off the internet from a guy who was mad They wouldn't take his info which was wrong, is why there were no weapons of mass destruction so crazy it's just a crazy so yeah i think that shit happens all the time but i don't think it's i just think they're sloppy government employees well i think you're dealing with a bunch of different things some of them are sloppy government employees some of them are not some of them are brilliant i mean there's that too like robert muller is brilliant there's a yeah there's a ton of them there's a ton of them are brilliant. I mean, there's that, too. Like Robert Mueller is brilliant. Yeah, there's a ton of them. There's a ton of them that are brilliant.

But you're also going to have cowboys. And this is what I think. When you find out about these CIA drug deals gone bad, where, did you see that one where the plane crashed in Mexico? They wouldn't let them refuel. They wouldn't let them land to refuel because they kind of knew maybe that they were smuggling drugs. And they made them crash.

And the plane wound up crashing. And it had, how many tons of cocaine did it have in it? And people are like, this is proof the CIA sells cocaine. I'm like, no, it's proof those guys flying that plane had cocaine. Right. The real question is, did they just get too loosey-goosey traveling back and forth to South America, a little too tight with some people that had a little bit too much money, and they realized we could fucking do this, so we could do this, and would suspect it well that's the thing though so with the cia 5.5

tons of cocaine christ 5.5 tons wow that's a lot isn't that 11 pound 11 how many how many thousand pounds 11 000 yeah two thousand times five and a half is that what it is yeah and eleven thousand pounds of fucking cocaine. It's insane. Show the pictures of the crash because it's crazy. It's just giant bricks of coke. Man, I want to say like 2005? 2006. But the Barry Seale story

was he's just a pilot. So a CIA operative who's trying to make connections with the do his mission, which is given to him, which is arm these rebels. So five guys in the CIA have to try to figure out how to arm rebels. So he approaches this pilot that he hears is a good pilot who flies for TWA. Yeah. And he goes, hey, man, you're now in the CIA.

But he's not really in the CIA. He's not part of the CIA. He's just a pilot that this guy subcontracts. Right. And then he doesn't tell the bosses how he's getting the guns in. So he just made up a little thing. He has his own budget to do his own little thing. And he finds this dude.

So it's not like Barry Seale was like a CIA guy flying cocaine. He was just a pilot that the CIA told. And only one guy from the CIA told it to him. And then it's a crazy story. And then he's doing it. And then he starts making his little side business. And this guy looks the other way because he just wants Barry delivering the guns, and then after a while,

as it starts to fall apart, the CIA is just like, burn everything with Barry Seale's name on it. We've never had connection to Barry Seale in our entire life. That's all the coke that they got off that plane. That's nuts, man. That looks like luggage for an army. Doesn't it?

If you had an army troop and like, boys, this is your gear! And it's all rolled up in these giant bags. Isn't it so funny, though, that like... That is crazy. People still think a wall's going to work. It's like how many drugs were coming in on an airplane. Well, just the fact that the airplane was a CIA airplane.

Did they have, in the movie, did they have the reason why the whole scheme got busted in the first place? Do you know the story? Yeah, I mean, I don't know if that's like a spoiler for listeners, but I'll tell you. Well, the real story about the kids that were murdered? The kids that were murdered where? That wasn't in the movie? I don't think so.

One of the ways this whole thing came apart was two kids were apparently in the woods when they made a drop. And these kids saw a drop, and they were murdered, and they were stabbed, and then they left their bodies on the train tracks. And their bodies were run over by train tracks, and then the parents got an autopsy. And the autopsy showed that at least one of the kids had been stabbed. Wow. No, they skipped that. They realized something. Yeah.

They realized something had happened. Was it New Orleans where the kids got killed? No Wow. And so they realized something. Yeah. They realized something had happened. Was it New Orleans where the kids got killed? No, it was Mena, Arkansas. Okay. Oh, that's the Mena part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the drop was. The drop was apparently in Mena, Arkansas.

So they killed these kids, and then this whole thing happened, and then the whole thing fell apart, and then people started looking into it, and then Barry Seals was murdered, actually, as he was heading to court to testify well yeah he um this is his amazing thriller like a tom clancy novel yes it's a really good it's a and it's done well the movie's done well and uh but they don't mention the murdered kids they skip like me and arkansas is the place where they cia moves them and then um well i hope i'm not remembering this wrong but i think that was the reason why they got busted i could be i'm saying in the movie that's not mentioned but like you know that's the creative license of making a movie they're like oh man i hate when they do that yeah i hate when they do

that when it's a real life situation like there's uh did you ever see that wrestling movie with steve carell what the fuck was that called the wrestler no no um with steve carell and oh oh steve oh what he's the dupont guy john dupont oh fuck what's the name of that movie fox catcher fox catcher never would have gotten that yeah that they've they did that in that movie where they cut out key details yeah well they changed a big part of the ending where mark schultz like this it's a UFC fight a famous UFC fight where Mark Schultz who was just top of the food chain wrestler fought this guy Big Daddy Goodrich who's a really well-known MMA guy just totally dominated him and in the movie he's fighting some white guy they just some

made-up guy they just changed it it's just changed they maybe not get the rights to the name it's name or something? It doesn't matter. Then don't have that scene. Then take it out. I know what the fuck the history of this was. Now, if you lied to me

about something so insignificant as who the guy was that he fought in the UFC, what else are you lying about? Agreed. This is so stupid to do. It's a real story. Did you ever see that movie

with Marky Mark and The rock um i'm being serious i should not call him mucky mark um i think it's marky mark walberg in the rock and it's like it's a true based on a true story it came out like two three years ago it's really good and in the middle of the movie it's one of the coolest things i've ever seen done in that true story movie they They're, like, doing this absurd thing. They're, like, jumping off a rooftop together. And it just pauses. And then a text comes up and says, this all happened. This is still a true story.

Like, it, like, reminds you in the middle of the movie. Pain and Gain is what it's called. Oh, Pain and Gain, yeah. Oh, that was a fun movie, man. Pump and Dump or something. I knew it was something like that. Is this the part? No, this is just the trailer. Oh, the trailer. Dude, this is a fun movie. I forgot about this movie. It's a fun movie, man. Pump and Dump or something. I knew it was something like that. Is this the part? This is just the trailer.

Oh, the trailer. Dude, this is a fun movie. I forgot about this movie. It's a great movie. Yeah, underrated. It was like one of my favorite movies that he did. Yeah. It's a fun-ass movie.

Yep. The Rock's good, man. I like The Rock. I love The Rock. I think he's going to be our president. In the middle of the movie, they pause it and they go, this is still a true story. Like, this happened. Which is cool, because it gets almost inconceivable after a while I think the

rock is gonna be our president I think the rock should be our president I think he can pull it off and I'm not joking I'm not joking either man I would feel like we're in a serious political discussion in good hands yeah rock my patience for real politics has waned look we're on our way there you've seen idiocracy right we're on our way dude. You've seen Idiocracy, right? We're on our way. Dude, I still haven't fucking seen that. Oh, wow.

You will love that movie. I know I would. I got salty. Because when I had a bit that was the same premise of that. It was about dumb people out fucking all the smart people. Really? One day we wake up and all the power's off. And no one knows how to turn it back on. That would annoy me, too.

If it was your bit. It's stupid. Because it's not my bit they stole. It's just parallel thinking. It's an obvious concept if you think that people are getting dumber and that dumb people are having more kids. It's inevitable. They are. That's very true. I traced it back to the pyramid.

The whole thing was like that the smart people just died, and then the one they'd done, people showed up at the pyramid, and then they just moved in. Nobody even lives here. Yeah, like the alien culture that created it. Exactly. And a bunch of fat dudes were like, yeah, these look good. Yeah, the idiot workers of Egypt.

They all stumbled in. Yeah, we built this a couple generations ago. We're the best. That's so funny funny that's still to me if i had one time in like if you could go back in a time machine and go to one place in history and see something i think i would it would have to be egypt while they were building the pyramids i would just love to see what that culture was like it's so hard to tell i mean you look at all the stone and everything right even if you were standing there i'd have been i've never been to

egypt but i've been to Chichen Itza. It's kind of the same feeling you get where you're like, what was it like when this place was popping? Yeah. Like, what did this feel like? What was this? These people have built these crazy structures. Like, what was a normal day for them? You know, it's funny.

I didn't realize. I watched a documentary about the pyramids and not the one. What's the aliens and Nazis and aliens? What's that one with the guy with the crazy hair? Oh, oh, oh. Ancient aliens. Giorgio. Shout out to Giorgio Tsoukalos.

Yeah, and it's like ancient astronaut theorists surmise. Those are real people. That's not really a sentence. He's fairly reasonable when you talk to him. Giorgio is just a lover of all possibilities UFO. That's an hour's worth of a show. They're on like season 11.

They're season 89 right now. They're skimping now. The first one with the Nazca lines, it's pretty interesting. But now they're like, ancient astronauts feared surmise that palm trees were brought here. And you're like, just stop. Listen, man.

You did it. You finished it. If ghost shows are still on the air, let them be on the air. Because at least they're showing cool old buildings and shit and stone structures. Could it be possible that aliens constructed this? Yeah. Not one ghost, man. At least we have some cool rocks to look at where you look at like you know what

are those giant stones in is it peru stonehenge no no no no still in england in england there's some there's some crazy structures somewhere in south america that georgio was talking to us about and it was one of the reasons why some people speculate that it's possible that some of the things that are constructed that we really don't have any idea how ancient primitive man did were actually constructed by someone from another planet. Which I don't think is any less reasonable than people thinking God sent, like pointed his finger and was like, giraffes! You're right about that. You're right about that. Like half the world believes that. You're right about that.

But it's more reasonable to think that it was done by people. Because we know people are a real thing. And we know people have built a lot of shit. Yeah. So, yeah, this is it. This is the exact structure. These fucking stones, they're not just cut and placed perfectly. But they're in fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

And somehow or another, they carved and moved these enormous stones. And if you stand right next to them, like there's some photos of people standing next to them. Stand right next to them, apparently they just tower over people.

So these were all done, you know, who knows how many thousands of years ago. But isn't there like a reasonable thing to think that maybe they had technology that is lost to time?

Yeah, that's a reasonable thing to think, for sure. Like in other words like if our civilization crumbles and in 2 000 years people dig it up yeah and they find the empire state building like how'd they do it they're not going to find like a backhoe look at this picture look at these fucking stones amazing go back to the other one with the person in front of us so you can see the perspective look how big that shit is. Holy shit. Oh, yeah, I did not think it was that big.

They're so big, dude. It looks like a staircase from there. And this was one of Giorgio's things. He was saying, like, we don't have the technology to do this right now. Like, if you wanted to get someone to go out there and move those giant stones and cut them and place them, I mean, we kind of have the technology, but holy shit, would it take a lot of money? Would it take giant fucking cranes? It would take forever.

Look at what they did. They did this whole structure of all these things. Then you've got to get the guys to show up. Think about how hard it is to get your kitchen done. The guy's like, I need two more weeks. My stone guy's out of town. How long would it take to build something that fucking crazy? I don't know.

out of town how long would it take to build something that fucking crazy i don't know and so the idea was that aliens came here built some things fucked with our dna and got ghost fuck some early man yeah give some early man a couple of pokes exactly and then decided coyote at your backyard yeah no i didn't finish that No. So the brooding chicken that was in that cage, she honeydicked my mastiff into smashing open the cage because the mastiff just smashed the cage. Like she was trying to get at the cage. Like she's like where the chicken was, the coyote was. Oh, the coyote was. And my mastiff's like, I got this and just smashed the fucking thing and tore it open.

And then she was running out the backyard with the chicken in her mouth and hopped the fence and i saw her hop the fence with the chicken in her mouth i'm like i'm living in a goddamn disney movie you are look at this yeah i just watched a coyote snatch a chicken from the from your yard yeah that's badass it was wild yeah but the crazy thing is my fucking dog standing over there i was like asshole what the fuck did you do he's like I don't know she's a nice dude she's here she's having some fun it's cool to kill chickens yeah man animals are animals you know you can't really expect much more from a dog he's like I don't know that dude wanted a chicken so just trying to help these built these stones what part of the world is it Jamie so people

look at it it's in Peru Peru and what's the name of the structures it's like something Taiyu God I wish I could remember it's in the Cusco District Cusco and it's I don't want to try to say that Peru's got some cool stuff that's not what we were just looking at earlier though is it that's the whole over structure that's what it looks like from the top yeah that's what I googled and then holy shit

dude holy shit that does look like aliens built it well or super sophisticated man that was wiped out in a disaster. That's more likely. But the crazy thing is how quickly then, if that's the case, how quickly then we came from some sort of ape man to what we are now. You know, it hasn't been that long. Well, how long ago do they think this was built?

This shit was built like at least a thousand years ago, I think. Right, so... I don't think they know, though. See, the problem is, if you don't... You have to get stuff from like something that someone ate, or it has to be like a carbon-based thing. You can't test the stone. You can test some of the material in the stone,

or, you know, like scratches on the stone, like in crevices and shit like that you can get stuff but when they're we've been around you know that would have been several thousand years of man advancing at that point a thousand years ago right under I mean I don't know when it's hard to say cuz I don't know when it was actually built when do they think it was built so these all these theories and then there's these uh really um fringe theories that push everything way way way back and that stuff gets resisted a lot because the carbon dating though right

in some in some cases occupied since 900 900 occupied since 900 that means 900 somebody moved in yeah and then they said to until the about the 13 century. That's a long run. So who built it, though? Do they know when? Do they guess? I think the Incas, I think. Does it say what year it was built? You said occupied from 900. Yeah.

Does that mean that's when they first moved in? Indicate the earliest occupation on the hilltop dates to about 900 CE. Oh, okay. So, wow. They built it over 400 years or so, it sounds like. So more than a thousand years Hmm. Yeah, but like, you know, the thousand years is hard to wrap your head the Jewish calendar goes back to like 5700 years ago

I know so it's nuts right so man has man had a lot of time to get some sweet tech by 900 yeah, it's so arbitrary that we start at zero and then start up again I can go backwards and you go into negative numbers like what so so stupid it's so dumb yeah it's weird christians it's weird how we do that yeah yeah i mean even with like temperature yeah it's not being on the metric system it's pretty stupid it's so stupid like you go to places near celsius what's it's those 23 celsius outside what the fuck is 23 celsius but if you learn it. That could be anything. I know. I agree. I'm like, so we should, we're all going to die?

So we're all going to die. Are we skiing? Yeah. I have no fucking idea. So winter hatter shorts. I have no idea. But they, a lot of them know our stupid shit, which is interesting. Yeah, there's more sort of a, we're like, that's like a real American move.

Like they tried to switch over in the 70s to the metrics and people like fuck you I ain't learning some French math dude I remember it I remember it being taught in school when I was in school they tried they tried soccer too

yeah yep just picking up now just maybe a little heat now eh little bit little bit little bit

but yeah it's funny to me that stuff like that's kind of what I love about America it's like that just like that eh we're not gonna do that nah I'm interested but the rest of the world eh we don't give a shit convert fuck you Yeah, it's funny to me, that stuff. That's kind of what I love about America. It's just like that.

Yeah, we're not going to do that. No, I'm interested. But the rest of the world, yeah, we don't give a shit. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck the metric system. It sounds French. It sounds gay. It sounds like a gay system.

Oh, it's the metric. It's the metric system. We're not using gay math, okay? We're Americans. It's better, though. I mean, it's intense. Why are we doing 12s? No, it's better.

But it is confusing when somebody tells you a metric you know they say like oh it's a liter like liters of gas i'm always or uh if you drive in europe right and you're looking at the you know spinometer it has the conversion on there for you but whenever you'd say like 12 inches is a foot like why 12 fuck is that what is that why did Why did you arbitrarily, you know, and it's only us and a few other countries that still accept that, right? What, that 12 inches is a foot? Yeah, how many people do that?

Do they accept it in Canada? Canada's metric, right? And then three feet's a yard. I think Canada's metric. Yeah, it is. I think most places are metric. Yeah, I have a friend from Australia, my friend Adam Greentree, and he talks in meters.

It's about 120 meters. What is that? What even is that? You're like, how many football fields? Yeah. How far the fuck away is that? There's only two distances I understand. School bus length and football field.

It's the only way things have been taught to me. Yeah. How many meters are in a real unit of measurement? Like a real one. Like an American one. How many meters? Huh? Yeah. How many feet are in that real unit of measurement. Like a real one. Like an American one. How many meters? Huh? How many feet are in that fucking meter?

You fucking goofy-ass meter. It's a yard. I want to know what a yard is. I need yards. 30 yards away. That's it. Even when you're in school, the only way they teach you about the distance of things is stack school buses or football field.

Like the moon is 147 million football fields. You're like, now I understand whatever the distance is, but it's always converted to football fields and school buses. Always, right? Yeah. As a student, that's all I remember ever in science. That would be like taking school buses and going from here to Australia. It's like 97 million school buses.

That's true. A school bus is like a constant unit of measurement. Measurement in football fields. That's all we understand. It's true. It's true. How far does she live? Like two football fields and three school buses.

We could walk. We could walk. It's pretty cold, though. It's cold. So how cold is it? 24 Celsius. Oh, so 23 Celsius is probably like, is that like 70 degrees? I have no idea.

I literally have no idea. I know a little bit about kilos, but very little. I know embarrassingly little. How much? 75. 23 is 75? 24. Okay.

24 is 75. All right, I'll remember that. I'll remember that. And that way, if it gets to like 30, I'll go, hey, it must be hot as fuck. Because zero Celsius is 32, right? Because their zero is freezing, which makes sense. Their zero is our... That's freezing.

Yes, but our 40 below is the same as their 40 below. Do you want to know the math trick? It's tough. It's 9 5th Celsius plus 32. Jesus Christ. 9 5th Celsius plus 32. Fuck Christ. 9 5th Celsius plus 32. Fuck you. What does that even mean?

Just fuck you. How do you do 9 5th? It's almost a half, but it's a little bit under a half. Fuck somebody. One of you. Fuck one of you. We need to figure out who's got a simpler thing that I can use. 9 5th.

Who's got a simpler thing? 9 5th. Get the fuck out of here with your Fahrenheit. We need to switch over to Celsius. But zero Celsius is freezing. And 32 Fahrenheit is freezing. But it's not just offset by 32. Something happens around 40 below zero, they become the same.

I don't know if it maintains for very long or if degrees get colder. I don't know. I don't know. It. I don't know. It's just zero makes more sense as the coldest. Yeah, but it's weird. Like how the fuck is, if R32 is a Celsius zero,

how the fuck is it the same thing at 40 below? It doesn't even make sense. It doesn't make sense. Here's another explanation for it. And how are you not just adding 32? Okay. We're so stupid.

We're so dumb. We're so dumb. He said, my friend gave me this tip. Double the centigrade temperature, subtract the first digit of the result, and the result and then add 32 to that. Oh, okay.

Let me try that. You really? Yeah, so 23. Alright, okay, so 46. And then what do we do with the first digit of the result? There it is right there. So 23 Celsius equals 74 Fahrenheit. 23 C times 2 is 46. Minus the first digit, so minus the 4.

46 minus 4 is 42. 42 plus 32 is 74. I guess it works. Hey, fuck you. Yeah. By the way, that's the easy one. That's the easy one. Well, what's amazing to me is like when you meet someone that lets you know

Like well you just talk to them about math and they can do like math problems in their head and you realize oh I am a baby a math baby. Oh, yeah. I'm a math baby. All right, totally There's people that were like looking at that going. Yeah, that's what you do. That's it. It's obvious. That's right They're certainly my head, but I'm sorry going, yeah, that's what you do. That's obvious. It's right there. There's certain things. I just don't do it in my head.

But all of a sudden, it's 74 degrees. I'll have moments where, like I had this recently. I was just laying in bed in an insomniac state like I often am in. And I was going, how do you do long division? And I was like, I haven't done long division. And I tried doing a problem, and I got it wrong. And then I had to read. I was like, oh, yeah.

It was confusing, and I haven't done it in – When's the last time you put out a pen and paper to do a long division? Dude, I barely do the add the tip part thing right. I have to make sure I get that down. You just double it, and it moved the decimal. My adding sucks. I put that on my Instagram recently. It was a question to get on into MIT in 1869.

Wow. So it's really just the order of operations if you can figure this out. Let E equals 8 in the following equation. And there's a bunch of... It's tough. What is the numerical value of the equation? Hint, as mentioned earlier, knowledge of the order of operations will be pretty important here. Scroll down to read the answer.

A lot of people did not get it right, but most people kind of got it right. Well, what is it? The answer is 15 to this. Oh. Yeah. Are you well-versed in these kind of equations? I remembered how to do it pretty quickly. That's like a friend showed it to me, and I was like, I don't remember how to do any of that.

Interesting. What's that little checkmark? I'm fairly positive I to do any of that. Interesting. What's that little check mark? Fairly positive. I never learned any of that. Fairly positive. But that's a good example. I'm completely illiterate when it comes to that. And that's a cube root. No one knew what that was either. A cube root.

Oh. It's like an exponent. Jesus Christ. Dude, I could, I literally, there's just nothing I could do with that. Well, that's what's so fascinating about society. And that's why, you know, if anybody tells, and it's not all good, but that's one of the things that's fascinating about society is that there's so many different people with so many different abilities.

And there are people that gravitate towards that and are wizards at mathematics. And there's other people like you and I that are good at talking shit. Yeah. That guy, we live in a world where that are good at talking shit. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. Thank God we live in a world where that can happen. Oh, thank God. No, I often think about how useless I'll be.

Like, if the apocalypse goes down, you're going to be like the dude you want to hang out with. But if the apocalypse goes down, I'm done. Dude, if the apocalypse goes down, whatever happens, you want it to happen in your neighborhood. You do? So it's over. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Like, if a meteor hits, you want it to hit your house.

If it's an earthquake, you want to eat dogs. I'm saying in a post-apocalyptic society, say we both survived it and we're living in a shanty town. You have skills. You can hunt. You can do shit. I can do some things. Yeah, what am I going to do? I can teach you the things that I know how pretty quick. I would bring no value. Nah, you'd be fine.

Let's eat the Jew first. You'd figure it out after a couple of weeks. I can fix things. I know how to fix things, but I don't know how to hunt. It's so hard. Useless with a bow and arrow. you let's eat the jew first you would figure it out after a couple of weeks i mean i can i can fix things i know how to fix things but i don't know how to hunt it's so hard with a bow and arrow you would figure it out do you use a gun ever you've ever used that not anymore a rifle but i would it's a it's a better way to get meat it's more accurate you can do it from further away it's you know if it doesn't require nearly as much discipline still requires a lot of discipline but not nearly as much as a bow and arrow.

A bow and arrow is just cooler. It's harder. It's way more difficult. But then there's other people that use a traditional bow, and they think that guys like me are pussies because I use a compound bow. You mean like Lego last bow? Like just one? Like Bob Robin Hood style. Just like that's it?

Yeah. A lot of them use recurves, but some don't even use recurves. Wow. They use like an-school stick bow really Yeah, there's people that like want to make things tougher on themselves They want a bigger and bigger challenge and you know it gets into this weird territory It's like like some people said like you should only hunt with a rifle Because it's probably the most deadly thing that you could use in that situation

Like so you shouldn't use a bow and arrow because you're not using a bow and arrow because it's more effective. You're just using it so it's more of a challenge to you. It's like a bastardization of the original idea of what hunting is. Some people feel like that. But then other people are like, no,

no, it's just a different kind of hunting. If you do it correctly, you have pretty much less likelihood of success, but if you do it correctly, you have just as much of a likelihood of killing the animal. So it's not like it's an unethical thing if it's done correctly. It just requires way more work. Yeah, and like you said, more skill. Yeah, but if you were in an apocalyptic scenario where we had to go out and get food

and you and I went out, I could teach you what you'd need to know pretty quick. Yeah. You're not stupid. No. You know, the hard part would be learning how to be accurate with a bow. Yeah. That would be the hardest part. I want to learn that.

I was actually going to text you one day and go, what's a good starter bow? I just want a bow. I want to learn how to shoot a bow. Do they, any real good, I mean, there's a bunch of good companies. I use a Hoyt, but there's a bunch of great ones. Like Matthews makes great bows. There's a bunch of companies that make recurve bows, which are fun to

practice. Like Duncan has a recurve. He does? Yeah, he shoots it in his backyard. He loves it. That's cool. It's just a fun thing to do, man. Even if you never want to ever shoot an animal and you don't even want to eat eggs. You're just straight up vegan. Archery is a fun thing to do. It's like a weird kind of a meditation.

You know, like something happens when you're at full draw and you're like holding on an arrow and then you release Archery is a fun thing to do. It's like a weird kind of a meditation. Something happens when you're at full draw and you're holding on an arrow and then you release that arrow and it just sails right into the target. It gives you this weird charge. You're doing almost like a form of yoga with your mind and your body together because everything has to be perfectly still. And then on the release, if it goes in the right spot, you get this big burst of satisfaction. It's really interesting. And you can't think about anything else other than the shot that you're attempting to make.

Yeah. You have to keep your eyes on where you're trying to hit. It's really a mind thing going on with archery that's fascinating. I do think, though, shooting a gun is like that. Probably not as intense or meditative, but there's fascinating. I do think, though, shooting a gun is like that, probably not as intense or meditative, but there's something, like, you know,

when people are like, I don't know why anyone wants a gun, I'm like, have you ever shot one? Like, fucking, really, I mean, I don't own a gun.

I mean, I live in New York City. It's not really even an option for me, but it's, you know, like I said, you know, I've been on, it was when I was in Afghanistan

with some of those dudes and they were like, take us to the shooting range and we were shooting all their different, and again, it was take us to the shooting range. And we were shooting all their different ways. And again, it was a war zone. So I'm not getting into my ethical, you know, I'm not a huge fan of AR-15s for 18-year-olds. But I get why people want guns.

I get why people want to own guns. I think that's like the argument in the country. It's like, I wish people would just like take a beat and go, like you just said about the abortion thing. I understand you feel that way. It's like, that's okay. just like take a beat and go, I under, like you just said about the abortion thing. I understand you feel that way. Like, it's like, that's okay. Okay. So you feel that way. And then it's that way.

It becomes less of a conversation, but we got to get rid of guns and more of a conversation about like, all right, we just have to tidy, maybe just tidy up a couple components of it. You know, that kind of stuff. You definitely have to figure out how to stop people from buying them legally when they're crazy. Well, there's something wrong with them, right? You know, I mean, here's a question. How many of these mass shootings were actually done by someone who was in the NRA? Well, according to the people on the right, none. Is that true?

I don't know. I mean, that's like the propaganda that's out there right now on Twitter. Yeah, that's why I wanted to ask you if you knew. That could be a Russian bot for a moment. Probably, right? Just spreading that fake news, baby. Yeah. Hashtag fake news.

But yeah, I don't know. Let's see if that's real. Does that make sense to you? Yeah. I mean, it's an interesting question. Well, if that is, then it gets weird. Like, why is everybody attacking the NRA? Well, I know they're the ones.

The ones who are making it easier to access these guns. Right, they're the ones cock-blocking any legislation getting done because they're paying so much money to these congressmen and senators, you know? Yeah. I mean, you saw that lieutenant governor, Delta, said they don't want to. First of all, I got to be honest with you, man. Like, I had no idea you got, like, your flights are cheaper because you own a gun? I was like, what the fuck, dude? Like, I'm just getting ripped off on Delta because I don't own a gun? Like, what a fucking bullshit thing. Well, you could actually join the NRA and not own a gun? I was like, what the fuck, dude? Like, I'm just getting ripped off on Delta because I don't own a gun?

Like, what a fucking bullshit thing. Well, you could actually join the NRA and not own a gun. Yeah, but it was just like, what the fuck? I didn't know they got discounts, you know? It was just such a weird thing to find out. And now that Delta pulled that, it did. I was like, wait. But, you know, like, my passive mentality

cost more money, you know? So the thought is that the NRA has made it more easy for crazy people to access these guns. And so we have to take some of the power away from them. Yeah, the idea that we can't raise the age to 21. Well, if you can go to war at 18, why can't you, I don't know, maybe raise, I don't know. I mean, it seems like when you go to war, you're getting trained by the military. Right. Versus when you're just 18 and you walk into a gun store and walk out with an AR-15, nobody taught you how to use it.

Literally just bought a gun. It's a strange, like, I just, my thought on it has always been, like, why not, like, if you have a driver's license for a car, but then, like, if you have to drive a bus or, like, a truck, you have to get a different class of driver's license. You have to get a Class D or a Class C, whatever the next level is. There's different classes of driver's license. You can't just go buy a big rig and start driving it around the country. You've got to get a license for driving a big rig, which means you have to go to school, learn how to drive one, learn how to park one, all the things that it fucking takes. And you have to prove it to an expert. Yeah, and you have to prove it to an expert.

We were actually talking about this yesterday. Yeah, so why not just have it be that simple, which is you want to own a handgun, just get the Class A handgun license, you take your road test, which is like know how to load it, know how to clean it, whatever the rules become, and then it takes what, four hours to

pass the test? It's like ten written questions and then that's it. And then you get the license, you get the gun, and it's yours. And then next class, yeah, I'd like to own a shotgun. Alright, get a Class B shotgun license, take the class, take the thing, fine. And then you get the license, you get the gun, and it's yours. And then next class, I'd like to own a shotgun. All right, get a Class B shotgun license, take the class, take the thing, fine. And then you get to like the AR-15 level

and now you have an instructor looking at the guy like, this guy doesn't seem, you know, he's got a little bit like of a dead eye here. You know, like maybe we don't, maybe we like, yeah, maybe we double check this guy

or whatever, you know, like you can get a sense of people in that environment or if it's a five question question thing You have to answer, you know, and it's like what like what are your hobbies and it's like eating rabbits alive You know, you like that man that guy you think they hide those answers though I don't know a real crazy person a real psychologist can spot a fucking crazy person based on how they hide their answers Mmm, oh, yeah psychologist. Do you think from the written word i think that you could devise a test i think you could devise a written test where someone would be like this is an alarming answer to this question because it references his mother and it has nothing to

do with this mother or whatever whatever fucking weird you know right so i look that that sounds really unappealing to people and i get that they mad, but that wouldn't be banning any guns. You can have any gun you want. You just have to do a very basic, rudimentary seven-question test and go to a firing range with a pro for two hours, and he has to make sure you know what you're doing. The NRA's perspective is they don't want to give an inch. Yeah. Because if they give an inch, they feel like the ultimate,

they're just going to lose ground. They're going to lose more ground, lose more ground. Well, it's a slippery slope, Mark. Yeah. It's interesting that whenever anything happens, now more than ever I think people are demanding some sort of a change. There has to be some sort of a change. The poll says 75% of the country wants some kind of change.

Even Trump wants to raise the age, but it won't happen because the legislation won't pass. It's one of those things where I seriously doubt, and I'm not saying this is a good or a bad thing, but I seriously doubt if we didn't have guns and all of a sudden guns became a thing and we all had to vote as to whether or not everyone should be able to have guns, I don't think it would have passed. I don't think it would have passed. I don't think it would pass. No way. It's interesting, though, because it exists now.

And now, you know, most politicians are in favor of it. Some are in favor of limiting it slightly. Well, they got a lot of money. Yeah. They got a lot of money from the NRA. But it's also, like, who, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to have guns, but who wants us to have guns? Like, if you're just going to be completely democratic, like, what percentage of the people

actually want everybody to have guns and what don't? Just out of pure curiosity with no judgment. Percentage want everyone to have guns? No, want people to be able to have guns, and what percentage thinks that no one should have guns? Like, if you had like, the site Australia or something like that, where they took all the guns? I think it's a much

smaller group of people that don't want anyone to have a gun. Like, I don't think there's that many. I think there's probably like 14% of the country that thinks no one should have a gun. Yeah, I think the vast majority think we need some new sort of regulations and restrictions absolutely just reasonable yeah reasonable restrictions i really

don't think anyone is saying i mean i think that people is it's a right that's embedded in the dna of the country i am whether you like it or not it's part of the dna of the country and like it's something that's very important it just that stay? It just stays that way forever? Well, look, I think that to me, there are arguments can be made about this, which is, you know, I don't think people really understand how everyone lives. I think there's so many different lifestyles

in this country that like, you know, I think you have a perception of like, say, like a suburban just outside of metropolis kind of a mom that doesn't realize that for some people in the country when they dial 9-1-1 it's like a 50-minute response time you know like it's not like there's like a local firehouse and they you know like people feel like i have to be able to protect my family because i can't necessarily rely on the police to come i mean i i think that's true

it does happen yeah and i also think that like there's a component to people's fears of like, you know, society unfolding and whatever that's perpetuated. I actually believe that people from the dawn of time have always believed they're going to be the last ones on Earth. You know, I believe that, that they're going to live through the apocalypse because I really think it's all about FOMO, you know, fear of missing out. And it's this feeling of like, once I die, everyone else should die. So like cool shit doesn't keep happening once I'm dead, you know? That's who you would think? I really do. I think that people have this instinct of like, I'm going to die with everyone else.

It's like, no, you're going to die. And then we're going to forget about you. And then cool shit's going to keep happening. Oh, that's hilarious. And it's like, I remember when I left The Daily Show, I felt that way. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, good luck, assholes. And then like the show kept going. I was like, oh, they're fine.

My life has no purpose. And it's that feeling of you want to see. It's like when a football player or whatever, any athlete leaves a team. They're like, yeah, good luck winning without me. And then they win the Super Bowl the next year. I'm like, yeah, you were the problem, Jeremy Shockey. I don't think that applies to the apocalypse, though. I think the apocalypse is people understanding and knowing in their head that they're fragile

and that their very environment is fragile and that we're lucky that it stays the way it is right now. But the more we learn about super volcanoes, asteroidal impacts, earthquakes, tsunamis, all the crazy shit that can happen to people, the more we realize how fucking incredibly fragile we are. So we're always worried about the big thing that happens. Because there could be a big thing that can happen. If some super volcano blows and there's ash that covers the sun or blocks out the sun and we lose all our crops, food shortages. Yeah, it's like a nuclear winter.

Yeah, it's 100% possible. Totally. Earthquakes, fucking asteroidal impacts, all that shit's 100% possible. I mean, an asteroid hitting the Earth or not hitting the Earth is just up to fucking what's floating around in space. Dude, it's happened a ton of times. And if people have been alive, if human beings have been what we are now for how many thousands of years? What is like... 10,000 maybe?

No, more, I think. More than that. Yeah. I think... I'm just thinking about modern... Humans... Modern... Modern humans.

Modern humans. I want to say like 200,000 years. Does that make sense thinking about modern humans modern humans modern humans i want to say like 200 000 years does that make sense for modern humans yeah i think that's probably wrong though i think it's more like i guess it depends on what we're calling modern like is there yeah uh that's a good question yeah what do we call modern like a a society that has like an economy and right a trade system you know systems trade roads of trade, roads, tools. Shelter. Right.

What do we got? Stone tools was two and a half million. Stone tools. But that's like caveman. Yeah, but I saw an orangutan at the zoo using a stick to try to get bugs. Then the next thing says modern man is 200,000 years ago. That's what you said, right? 200,000.

Yeah, okay. So they think that 200,000 years ago they essentially looked just like us. But like pretty close to us. Yeah. I bet if you saw a woman for 200,000 years ago, you're going to be like, yeah, she's hot. You'd be like, what the fuck? You think so? Yeah, I do.

I do. Yeah. That's a long time ago. Yeah, that's a long time ago. Are you swiping right? What are you doing on your phone? No, I was just looking up. I was just Googling that piece of information.

Yeah, that's a crazy notion when you really think of 200,000 years. 200,000 years ago, we weren't even people. We were some other thing that became people. What are we going to become? Yeah, when you go back 200,000 years. It feels like you're You know, that's like pretty close to like caveman era. Yeah, I mean, oh that is caveman Yeah, I think like it's really crazy. It's not like ape man, but it's like mmm You know like super primitive super primitive. Yeah, but that's modern human I guess yeah, I think that was that was revised I was thinking about recently that modern human was... Like when you have trade and like...

Oh, like civilization. Civilization. Yeah. Like that more, you know, versus the actual like body being, you know. I think they used to think it was where Iraq is. I think they thought that was the oldest... Mesopotamia. Yeah, like that area.

Sumer. They think that that was one of the first real civilizations. They think that was the first, well, at least the first evidence of written language. And there's a lot of it there. Sumer and Mesopotamia is, in fact, the first known complex civilization developing the first city-states in the 4th millennium BCE. It was around these cities that the earliest known form of writing, cuneiform script, appeared around 3000 BCE. It was around these cities that the earliest known form of writing cuneiform script appeared

around 3000 BCE. Yeah. I like how they go BCE now for the non-Christians. Before current era. Wait. Why is it current? What's the... What is that BCE, you sneaky bitch? I thought it was even earlier

than that. I didn't think it was just 3000... That's going back like 5000 plus years ago That's like the Jewish calendar, right? 5,700 years ago where they started keeping track of shit And they had like, you know Language and trade That's what they think about all those structures

Like the pyramids and all those different things They think that there was advanced civilizations that died off And that's why all those things were there Well, you know about like the Library in Alexandria That's why all those things were there well you know about like the the uh library in alexandria yeah like that's one of those things that probably lost thousands of years yeah they burned all the shit the egyptians knew like thousands of years like we might not ever figure it out but i'm saying like just god knows right what they had discovered yeah and how we could have stacked our science on top of that and right now be, who knows?

We could be living to like 250 years old for all we know. Like, we don't know what they knew or how they built that shit. Like, it's just like, that's like a total religious move. Too much knowledge in here. Yeah, they just hated the enemy. We're never going to be able to convince these people of an invisible cloud man if they could read these books or burn this fucking thing down. Yeah, people had been apparently going back and forth to egypt forever for like knowledge they would go there to learn shit yeah and it was like it was like

lush place yeah do you know that cleopatra it was closer cleopatra is closer to the birth of the iphone than she is to the construction of the pyramids. Whoa. So if you go from Cleopatra to today is a shorter time period than Cleopatra to the construction of the pyramids. Yeah. That's crazy. Wrap your fucking head around that. Yeah, that's crazy. And if you listen to Graham Hancock and John Anthony West, this guy was an Egyptologist

who just passed. They think that it goes back way further than that. They think that the pyramids of Giza might be from 2,500 years ago, but they think there's a lot of shit in Egypt, giant things, including the Sphinx, that are thousands and thousands of years older than that. Well, did you see that they just invented this new air sonar?

Yes. They discovered that Guatemalan society in the fucking jungle. My mind exploded when I saw that. Crazy. Did you see that Lost City of Z, that movie? I didn't. It's interesting.

It's a movie I want to watch, but then I watched the trailer and I was like, eh. Moshe Kasher sent me the book and I almost read it, but then I found out there was a movie. I'm like, fuck your book. Just jump the gun. Let's knock this out in an hour and a half, huh? I'm sure it's not as good, though, because Moshe was raving about the book oh by the way congratulations to moshe and latasha for making making people oh they made a person fantastic um but that city of z movie was really interesting because this

these these people were just the rawest of raw adventurers i mean they'd get horrible mosquito bites they'd go into the jungle these crazy Englishmen and like that to me was what was interesting About that book to try to see I don't know. I it was really well done So I assumed that their version of like what these English Scholarly gentlemen were like when they were planning out these epic mega trips But when you're watching it take place like the way they did in the movie You really felt like that could have been how it went down. And this crazy fucking guy went just deep, deep, deep into the jungle

looking for a lost civilization. They kept journals and things, which most of those dudes did. You know? You have to take, I guess, what they're writing with a grain of salt because you're like, I want to make myself sound as badass as possible. For sure. But they definitely found some stuff and brought it back, too. Yeah, they went.

They found pottery and they found a bunch of different things. Whoa, is that the guy? Colonel Percy Fawcett? Is that his head? Oh, wow. They think it might be his head? I'm going to look. Oh, dude, go to that page, please.

Whoa. We need to know about this shit. Strange stories. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, they probably killed that dude and cut his head off. I mean, that's what they were doing to people down there. They probably got tired of this white dude stumbling around through the forest. Yeah head thing. Yeah, how do they shrink heads? They cut your skull out. This is the thing. I used to think they shrunk the whole skull and everything. I'm so stupid

I already told you how dumb I am when it comes to eggs with shrunken heads I thought ha they got some fucking solution. It makes the head shrink up No No They take the skull out and then they take the skin Their heads shrink up. No. No, they take the skull out, and then they take the skin, stitch it all up together,

and then they do something with it to make it shrivel up. Like put a coconut or something in there? I don't remember. I don't remember how they make it shrivel up. I would never, in a million years, if you asked how a shrunken head would mate. And they stuff it. I would have no... I wouldn't even guess. I think they stuff it, too.

Might be his head that kind of looked like the guy that... I think that's his head. That's Homeboy's head. Okay. Yeah. They chopped that dude. I think that's his head. That's Homeboy's head. They chopped that dude up and did something to his head. That is so crazy. What a dark way of approaching other human beings.

They have his eyeballs stitched up. They have a rope coming out of his mouth. It looks like just a carrying strap. You can put it on your belt. You might be right. They stitched his mouth. It looks like just a carrying strap. Yeah, it could be. So you can put it on your belt. Oh, dude, you might be right. They stitched his mouth up, though, right?

Doesn't it look like his mouth is stitched up? Yeah, but that looks like a little... Yeah. It's like they made a keychain. You know, that's what it looks like. They got that little loop on the end. Yeah, they carried that dude around their dick. Yeah.

And just walked through the forest. It was all for a novelty store in town. That was their version of Forever 21. Yeah, little like Hudson News in town with little knickknacks. What a fucked up practice. Cutting people's heads off, taking the skin off, stitching it all up and shrinking it. But yeah, but again, it's like we were talking about food. It's like we had a lot of fucked up shit we did here too. Oh, yeah. You know, smallpox on blankets. That wasn't... That's not real. It's pretty fucked up shit we did here too. Oh, yeah. Smallpox on blankets. That's not real. It's pretty fucked up. It's not real? No, no, no.

They didn't even know what bacteria was back then. They didn't know that they could figure out how to get... No, apparently it's an urban myth. Apparently... Definitely not urban. It's a rural myth. It's a wild west myth. Apparently what happened was

just the first european settlers just alone by their presence killed somewhere around 90 of the native america bringing outside disease all kinds of crazy shit that people had no immune systems for right and that this idea that they did it all with blankets would look this is not to say that people didn't do horrible things to the native americans they absolutely did and it And it's not to in any way diminish the genocide that took place on the Native Americans. But I don't think that the blanket thing was true.

Because they didn't know how to isolate syphilis. I mean, unless they just went to patients that had syphilis. Or smallpox, by the way. Or smallpox, whatever it was. You're right. Yeah, that's what I thought. Syphilis killed Al Capone. I thought they just knew. Yeah. I got my stories mixed up. Which is a good way to go out. I think you go blind sarcastic, but yeah

I just think um the the just exposure to Europeans killed the great many of them Hmm, and there's a guy named Dan Flores that I had on my podcast That's an expert in the history of animals in North America. I think I heard that pocket fucking amazing guys a genius He's brilliant. But he was talking about buffalo and that when the Native Americans died off, when like literally 90% of them were killed by European diseases. Wow.

It's just crazy. And a lot of them that were killed off by Europeans, the buffalo weren't hunted anymore. So they grew to these mammoth proportions. So it's his contention that those giant fields of buffalo that people experienced, where there was like thousands and thousands and thousands of buffalo stampeding across the field, that would have never taken place if the same amount of Native Americans had been there as previously.

Wow. Because they weren't controlling the population. Wow. They were the primary predator. Because all they did was follow these, I mean, that's why they had these teepees. A lot of them would follow the herds of Buffalo and they'd peck at it from the outside it's just nomadic culture yeah and they just stayed with the Buffalo but they also kept their numbers down because you know if there's

several hundred Native Americans or how many in their camp right there they're killing a couple Buffalo a day every day and everybody's eating it and then there's no refrigerator so go after it again yeah and keep following it so they're basically just eating Buffalo and shooting arrows at them and taking the populations down all the time. That's so interesting. It's crazy. I'd never heard it before. He was on my friend Steve Rinella's podcast, and he explained it on there.

And then Rinella explained it to me also independently, and then I had him on the podcast. Then I read his book, too. He's got two books. See if you can find the titles of Dan Flores' books. Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. One of them actually is a paper. Populations expand exponentially, right? Yeah.

So it's like the bigger they get. Coyote America, right? Is that it? Yeah. Coyote America. His new book is Coyote America. It's about the history of the coyote in North America. Dude, it's fascinating shit.

Guy's a genius. Yeah, he looks like he knows a lot about like- He knows a lot of shit. Northwestern animals. And he lives in New Mexico. He, it's fascinating shit. Guy's a genius. Yeah, he looks like he knows a lot about like He knows a lot of shit. Northwestern animals. And he lives in New Mexico. He's got the right look. You get street cred with naturalists if you live in New Mexico.

Huh. You know? That's a place where there's a lot of dudes that have gray ponytails. Yeah. Like a lot of gray dudes with ponytails. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little New Age-y.

A little scary. A little New Age-y. Santa Fe. That's where Tate's from. Tate Fletcher's from there. Co-owner of Caveman Coffee. Simply delicious and really pumps you up. Well played, Seth.

Thank you. You ever drink these? No, I've never had one. It's Caveman Nitro. How susceptible are you to caffeine? You know, I mean... 270 milligrams in that motherfucker. Oh, that's a lot.

Versus how much in a cup of coffee? A large Starbucks, I think, is like that much. Like a venti Starbucks, do we how many times we've gone over this and I can never remember the numbers I want to say that a venti Starbucks is like 250 or 240 and that's a 270 it's a touch more touch more. I don't really need it We'll see what scared. I'll drink. I thought you were kind of giving me the vibe of like look I don't have too many, you know? No, no. I have a ton of them.

I just got a new shipment. No, that's not what I was giving the vibe. I just always tell people. Wow. I've given it to people, and then like an hour into the show, they're like, dude, I'm on crack. I guess. I'm going to call you later and be like, I ran home. I ran back to West Hollywood.

Okay, so Aventi. Wow, was I wrong? 415 milligrams. Holy shit. So this is a tall. So this is a tall. Wow, did they jack up the caffeine? Yeah, I Aventi. Wow, was I wrong? 415 milligrams. Holy shit. So this is a tall. Wow, did they jack up the caffeine? Yeah, I don't know.

Was it always this high? Come on. Was it really always this high? I feel like we looked at it. Maybe the numbers have changed. Dude, I thought the old number for like a cup of coffee for a diner was 40. Isn't it amazing? I thought it was 40 milligrams.

I always think about like caffeine, caffeine's just a drug. Yeah. So these guys just deal a drug. Oh, no, no. It's a drug in a delicious bean form. But it's also addictive. You know, like, once you're in, you're in. You can't not drink coffee.

As a person who would like to deny all of his addictions, I can't follow with you on this. Really? I think it's a lovely cup of coffee. You don't think that you could wake up and not have one? Why would I do that when it's real? Why? Why? Just to show everybody that I can.

That's like what people are always like, pot's not addictive. I'm like, have you tried not smoking it for a week? I could any time. The average caffeine content of an 8-ounce brewed cup of coffee is 95 milligrams. So, yeah. So Starbucks is way more. So an average cup of coffee is 95 milligrams. So yeah, so Starbucks is way more. So an average cup of coffee is 95. That's a lot more.

I would have guessed that was way high. I thought, I for some reason thought in my head, like a cup of coffee from a diner. You know one of those reasonable small cups of coffee? Yeah. I remember that being 40. But that makes sense, because like a real cup of coffee is probably double that size anyway. So it would be like 90.

But 460, so it's not as bad as a venti. It's more like a tall. $4.60? God damn, I feel like they jacked that caffeine up. Some people get super conditioned to it. Like Tate. My friend Tate, the owner of the company, he can drink five of those fucking things. Just sit here and throw them back.

But he's also a gorilla. He's a big giant dude. That's a big factor. It's a factor. How much body weight you have. He's moving around a lot of tissue. He's probably 240-ish. I have friends who can drink like that. They're just big, giant dudes. My friend Justin, I have a friend who's a

legit giant. He's like seven feet tall. He's a fucking big dude. He can put down some makers and coke that will fuck you up. You can't try to keep up with him. I have a couple friends like that. They're like, let's grab another one. I'm like, dude, I'm going to up. You can't try to keep up. You can't try to keep up. Yeah, I have a couple friends like that. They're like, let's grab another one. I'm like, dude, I'm going to die. You'll go to the dark lands.

Yeah. I'm like, I'll keep drinking, but let me have a glass of water here. Dudes who just fucking booze. I grew up with a lot of guys like that. Long Island, where I grew up, it's like a lot of Irish dudes who just, we would be in high school and they would bring their own 12 pack to the party and drink 12 beers at a party like no big deal.

They look like a wine barrel. Yeah. Those guys can put away booze. They're built like a barrel for booze. And they love beer. They love beer. It's not like if you want to have a whiskey with them, they're like, nah, let's have a beer.

Love beer. Just fucking beer. Beer gives you both carbs and booze at the same time. Yeah. It's like a double whammy. They love it. Double whammy of satisfaction. Yeah.

It's like having whiskey and pasta, you know? Yeah. Ew. It's like what it's like. But if you have like beer and crab, like cracking open some crab claws with an ice cold beer. Delicious. A nice Sam Adams. I like beer in a can.

I'm not going to lie. More than I like it out of the bottle. Yeah. I like a can of beer. Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a can. I feel like I'm getting back to my roots that I don't really have. Yeah. I just like the like, or like Tecate is good out of a can.

Like I like having like a, because the can gets really cold. Yeah. Tecate is good. It's good. Yeah. Modelo. Do they have them in cans? I don't know. They might. I like having like a, because the can gets really cold. Yeah, it's good. It's good. Yeah, Medeo. Do they have them in cans? I don't, yeah, they might. Do they say Medeo or Medeo?

Is there one L or two L's? Growing up, it was, I think it's two L's. Is it? So wouldn't that be Medeo? Oh, it's one? Well, there you go. I just lied. Medeo would be two, right?

There's a Medeo. Oh, yeah? Oh, sneaky bitches just capitalizing another name is that what's happening dum-dum-dum Modelo they got cans yeah special I think it's yeah it's a lot of cans there's a video or a YouTube commercial that I watched the other day of this dude who's an astronaut and it's a Modelo commercial and it's he's a Mexican-American and his dad and him are out there looking at the sky and they

crack beers together and drink a beer together like that's really interesting I got I don't think I've ever seen a beer commercial with an astronaut before yeah and it's like I kind of feel like it's hard to pull that off unless it's a Mexican astronaut drinking a Mexican beer with his Mexican dad. Then you've got to shut the fuck up. Because people get really mad if you talk some shit about that commercial.

Here it is. Look at this dude. This dude was an astronaut. Powerful. Look at that fucking backdrop. Holy shit, that's amazing. I love this tune that they throw in here. Yeah, inspirational music.

This is with that Jay-Z blueprint. He uses that in Blueprint. Jose M. Hernandez, retired, U.S. astronaut. And so they click beers by the starlight in his pops. You couldn't do that with Budweiser. Could you do that with Jack Daniels? Could you have Jack Daniels? What if Kid Rock's kid becomes an astronaut?

Yeah, that's not going to happen. Kid Rock clinking Jack Daniels bottles in a fucking cornfield with his son who's an astronaut? I don't know why you couldn't. Why not? I mean, why do you think you can't do it with an American? It feels like a very American thing to look at the moon and drink it. People would protest. Remember we put our flag up there?

Let's have a Bud. Well, soon we're going to have war in space, Rory. I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news. Some Air Force guy was saying that we have to prepare for the possibility of war in space. That this is an inevitable possibility. Probably with drones. Well, let me ask you this. What was your take on that UFO thing?

What is this, Cheney? This was a UK ad for a beer it's all these astronauts in space they're in space drinking beer it's like armageddon wait there's british astronaut i had no idea i had no idea belong beer wow belong beer yeah wow all right that's cool british astronauts um what remember that ufo thing that happened like two months ago and which one and they released like the government was like we have no idea what this object is and That's cool. British astronauts. Remember that UFO thing that happened like two months ago? Which one? And they released, like the government was like, we have no idea what this object is.

And you heard the pilot in the air like, what the fuck is that? I don't feel like I've seen that. It came across it. I remember they were like, the UFOs, it happened right after Tom DeLonge was on here. Oh, right. Did we watch it? Did we watch the video? And the government literally confirmed that they don't know what it is and it's a UFO and it's doing things.

And then everyone just stopped talking about it. Wait a minute. I don't believe these things enough. I barely pay attention. They come my way and I shut them off. This was on like real news sites. Right. But what is the video?

Can we see the video again? There it is. Let me see it again. Oh, see, stop. Hold on. Now remember, this has been debunked. It has? Yeah. You know been debunked. It has? Yeah. You know who debunked it?

What's his face? Mick West. Mick West from metabunk.com. What they did was they changed the perspective from 1x to 2x. So, see, when you're looking at something zoomed in, things move faster. Your sight picture is much quicker. When you're at normal, your sight picture is slower. So, as you zoom in, Things move faster. Your sight picture is much quicker. When you're at normal, your sight picture's slower. So as you

zoom in, everything looks faster. So when the thing moved out of frame so fast, it was because it had been zoomed in on. Not because it took off at some insane rate of speed. In other words, the pilot was just fucking with the government? No, they didn't know any better. Whoever released the video didn't look at it. These Metabunk guys looked at the video

and you could see all the numbers on the screen when you look at the video you see like what his perspective is x1 x2 and he points out that look here it goes to x2 and then it just moves out of frame it's not even that it took off you're snapping in on it you're you're looking at it from a totally different perspective now you're looking at it from a zoomed in perspective that's interesting yeah see if you could find it. I found his written explanation. My dream was that it was going to be aliens and their goal was they needed plastic. He's got a bunch of photos in it.

See if you can find the photos. He points them out. That's what I was hoping. They were going to go like, our planet needs plastic. Do you have any? We have so much. In the ocean, you can just take it all. Then they just cleaned it all up and things got better. They went to the Pacific garbage know and then they just cleaned it all up and things got better like they went to the pacific garbage patch and just like and then they left the pacific garbage patch this there's a kid who's got a solution to that like a young man

who figured out a solution god damn it i'm supposed to be in contact with that fellow now that i'd be curious to know what that solution is. Some sort of a machine that skims the ocean for plastic and it collects all the plastic. Huh. Yeah, and I don't know what it's powered by. I think I want to say it's powered. It's a solar-powered thing. That was the concept behind it.

Like a Roomba? Dutch student's giant ocean cleanup machine is going into production. Wow. The inventor says the technology will solve the marine plastic crisis, but some scientists are skeptical, as they should be. There are scientists. Boyan Slot.

Boyan Slot. Look at how much it's growing. That's right. I was connected to him through email. How much it's growing by? Let me write it down. Eight million tons a year. That's insane.

How do you spell his last name? S-L-A-T. Plastic is growing. Eight million tons a year. That's insane. How do you spell his last name? S-L-A-T. Plastic is great. Yeah, well, we never thought about, we thought once we throw it away, oh, it's thrown away. They've got it. No. Shit falls off. There's fucking dumps.

They leave it sitting there. Birds fly to the dump. They pick it up. They fly away with it. They don't know what it is. The craziest thing is how the ocean currents all lead to one place. It's so weird. It's weird that you can see it all swirling together.

Yeah, and it's like the size of Texas, I think they said. And they say it breaks down all the plastic into these weird little particles. Yeah, and that's why they're pulling fish out with stomachs full of plastic. Fish out with it and more birds. Birds are dying, and they're feeding it to their kids. And they find babies in the nest that have these plastic caps filled in their stomach. It's really horrible. Have you seen that?

There's the balloon. To the stars. Party balloon. That's what they saw. Oh, yeah. Is that really what they saw? That's what this says. Stop it.

It's on his website. Hmm. Well, it might be that you're saying they were tracking a party balloon in an F-16 is that what it's supposed to be saying the explanation I had on the other website said that exactly what you were describing as I was reading it

the camera angles were off and you can follow the angle with the clouds moving with the balloon well once you zoom in on something that's what happens. I mean, if you've ever looked through a binocular, if you're trying to hold a binocular, the more powerful the binoculars are,

the more like the picture at the end seems shaky. Yeah, it's the same as you zoom in on your phone. If you take a picture, it's not an optical zoom, it's a digital zoom. Exactly. So that was the explanation for the bizarre behavior of that object apparently it was just so funny to me that it was a party balloon what's that jamie there's

another one too that was like this was the day before he posted which a second video similarly i don't know if this was the one that everyone was dude nobody wants ufos to be more real than me that's why i was asking you about it nobody but i But I'm also, I don't buy a lot of the thinking that goes behind these things because people just want to think that it's real. They want to think it's real so bad that they're not looking at it completely objectively. If it is real, we got to know for sure. And there's no way you know for sure this way. This just doesn't seem like we know for sure. This seems more like what he's saying is correct. If you see the perspective shift, you see the way the thing moves shift.

But this is what we were talking about earlier about like the government and conspiracy. Like that's a perfect example. The government's like, we have no idea what this is and we're confirming it was a UFO. And then guys who aren't in the government are like, yeah, it's a fucking balloon, dude. Jamie, scroll back down. What does it say there? This little animation. It says the flare around the much closer engines rotate independently of the rotation of the plane.

What does that mean? I'm not sure I get this. I think we're halfway in the middle of this page. That's part of the problem. They're explaining something in a long drawn out. Yeah. See, there's a lot of these things that have been proven to be horseshit. And people see the video footage and they think, oh, my God, it's a UFO.

Oh, no, it turns out it's an oil thing that's on fire in the distance. Like, there's a lot of weird things that you see in these, like, real blurry infrared scans of shit or whatever that is night vision scans yeah i want to see some real shit where you look at it and you go okay yeah definitive that's a fucking ufo like what is that but is that real and if someone says that there's no way they're gonna fake that then then i'm curious but right now i just think too many people want it to be real but for the pentagon the pentagon sat on that for like 10 years and then released it. And no one in the Pentagon figured it out until it got out into the private sector

online and something was like, it's a balloon and you zoomed in on it, you fucking idiots. Look, it says 2X. That's my point about government conspiracies. I'm like, yeah, it just seems like incompetence to me. It could be. Like nobody looked at that closer. They were like, it's a UFO we've known for 10 years. But that's just the people that were responsible for that that were incompetent.

Sure. And do you think that you would give the fucking UFO searching job to anyone you wanted to do real shit? The UFO searching job is the job you give to your friend's cousin. That's fair. You get him a job at the CIA. That's fair. Like, listen, bro. You are going to be involved in a top secret operation.

Wachowski, get in here. We got a job for you. You are going to be searching for a top secret operation What do we got? Wachowski, get in here You are going to be searching for UFOs What do you know? We're going to rely on you You've been carefully selected Remember Spies Like Us? You're a fucking stupid dude To interview people in their farms and shit

That are all high on moonshine and crystal meth No, I saw it, I saw it It was lit up like a goddamn candle. Remember that movie Spies Like Us with Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase? Yeah. That's the premise of that movie. They're total fucking morons, so they use them as decoys. That's gotta happen.

It's a really funny concept. That's gotta happen. That must happen a lot. They give them a fake mission. They're like, yeah, just go here into Russia. And then the Russians are looking at them, not the actual spot. Isn't that, what was the movie with Springtime for Hitler? The producers.

Yeah, that's Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks, sorry. Did I say Woody Allen? Mel Brooks made a movie where they set. Well, not really. But they both wrote for Sid Caesar. Yes, there you go. It's about them making a play that they thought was going to be a total failure.

It turns out to be a smash. They were trying to lose money. It's break time for Hitler. They wrote the biggest bomb they could make because they figured out how to game the system. If it bombed, they get all this reimbursement money. Everyone's walking out, and then all of a sudden a moment occurs where they think it's a comedy, and they start laughing at it, and then everyone's like, get back in here! You know, the act two.

It's really funny. That movie's amazing, dude. Zero Marstel is the guy. Is it Gene Hackman, too? The Bialystock and Bloom? God, is it Gene Hackman? No, not Gene Hackman. Gene Wilder, I mean.

Yes, it's Gene Wilder, I think. I think it's the Bialystock and Bloom is their name. Dude, I used to love Gene Wilder when he was paired up with Richard Pryor. God, I'm such a Gene Wilder fan, dude. I love that guy. The producers, yeah, look at them there. But when he paired up with Richard Pryor, those movies were magical, man. Stir Crazy and He and Her Weevils, you know, they did a bunch of them.

Stir Crazy was funny and then when they were in prison together yeah i just re-watched uh with my nephews uh um willie wonka with gene wilder oh yeah it's fucking unreal yeah how good that guy is he was amazing everything he did was oh Blazing Saddles, one of my favorites. Yeah, man. He's almost like a forgotten genius. Yeah. He just died. He just died last year.

You don't hear him talked about... As much as he should be. As much as he should be, yeah. He's amazing. The camaraderie that he had with Richard Pryor, too, was just so interesting. He was real. It felt real. You remember when they walked into the prison like,

That's right. That's right. We bad. We bad. See if he could find that. He's real. It felt real. You remember when they walked into the prison like, that's right, that's right, we bad. Yeah, we bad. See if you can find that. He's like, follow my lead. That'll get us kicked off YouTube, right? Won't it?

Probably. Somebody owns it. Oh, gotcha. These motherfuckers. Even if you play Ecliptic. Yep, yep. Wow. Yeah, you're pulled.

Yeah, I had that my nightly show. There they are. That's so funny. That's right. That's right. We bad. We bad. Dude. Yeah, That's so funny. That's right. That's right. We bad. We bad. Dude.

Yeah, that's stir crazy. Richard Pryor's one of the few great comedians that I loved as much in movies. Look at him. I loved as much in movies as I did seeing him doing stand-up. Look at him. Look how bad G. Wilder is at it. Look at him. Look. Yeah. Look how bad G1 Other is at it.

Look at this. It's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. This is so ridiculous. Look how he's walking. They didn't know even, you know... Movies back then were just so innocent. They're also like...

Scenes took so long. Look how long this walk is. That's right. That's right. This is not playing over YouTube, right? No. Okay. It's probably frustrating for people. Fantastic. What is it? The name of the... That's right.

Stir Crazy. That's right. We Bad. We Don't Take No Shit. That's the name of the clip if you want to watch it on YouTube. Remember also like

Richard Pryor, that movie with Jackie Gleason, The Toy? Oh, yeah. That movie's funny. Dude, he had a bunch of great movies, man. That was like

so much of my childhood. Yeah, Brewster's Millions was fun. Yeah. Uh-huh. John Candy, I think, is in Brewster's Millions was fun. Yeah. Uh-huh. John Candy, I think, is in Brewster's Millions. Just a funny fucking dude, man. The concept of Brewster's Millions is a great concept for a movie.

He gets $30 million, and he has to spend it all in a week, and he can't have any assets. And if he does it, he gets $300 million. Yeah, so it's like he's got to just get rid of all this money as fast as he can. I completely forgot about that movie. If you hadn't brought it up. he's got to just get rid of all this money as fast as he can. I completely forgot about that movie. If you hadn't brought it up. Here's a freak out. Every year, every year, they make new movies. Movies don't go away.

But every year they make new movies. Movies just get lost in the shuffle. Big time. There's too many movies. The amount of movies that you can just watch. Big time. There's too many movies. The amount of movies that you can just watch.

Has there ever been a time where people had more access to shit to entertain them? Just content. Constant all day. All day. Just sitting there glued and it's just coming at you while you're completely immobile. It's insane. I mean, like when you're flying on a plane now, right? Yeah.

Hundreds of movies right there. Pick a movie. It just plays in your seat. I talk to people about this all the time. People used to just sit. I was at dinner with my girlfriend the other day. I left my phone at the table. I went to the bathroom.

And for some reason, there was a line for the bathroom. There were two co-ed bathrooms, and there was people waiting. So I didn't have my phone. I just stood there. And it was much longer than I thought it would be. And I'm just standing there with nothing to read, nothing to do and it's like it's bullshit. And then I'm like this is just and I'm like this is just how we used to live like I couldn't even wrap my brain around it.

Well it's how some people still live like Ari Ari Shafir with his flip phone. Really? It's how he's living. Yeah. I don't know. He just keeps that stupid fucking thing in his pocket. Yeah, Tel has a flip phone too. Yeah, all those savages. He's on Instagram though. Yeah, he's got an iPad. That's kind of a workaround though. That's when people are like, I don't have TV.

I'm like, do you have the internet? They're like, yes. I'm like, fuck you, you have TV. Just because you don't have a cable box in your house doesn't mean you don't have TV. I have disconnected from TV. Do you have high speed internet? Yes. Alright, fuck you. I watch HBO Go only. Yeah, exactly. I know it's not TV it's HBO but it's still TV it is weird right that everybody wants

to be the guy that tells you that they have abandoned television I just read a lot of books man yeah really a little bit better

than you yeah a little bit that was like the whole hipster movement most say eat organic and just read well I just make my own pickles

but yeah I guess buying them is fine you're like fuck off dude I make my own shoes. But yeah, I guess buying them is fine. You're like, fuck off, dude. I make my own shoes. Yeah. I'm a cobbler and a pickler. And I tan the highs. I do think that there's periods of time where things are at their peak, like LPs for music

in your home. For sure. But it's, again, the reality of, sure, it's fun to have a record player and some records, but at the end of the day, if I'm going to listen to music, I could just throw it on Spotify and it just plays forever. It's fun, the novelty of putting on a record and listening and then taking it off and flipping it. But if the activity you're doing is listening to music

and you want to listen to an album all the way through, but if I wanted to play a tune for you, I can find it. Find the line on the record that's that song. Like counting lines. It's just, you know, there's just... I don't know. I like that people have a tendency to try to keep stuff

in its pure form, but at the same time you're like, whatever, man. You don't have a Victrola in your house. But a Victrola's not good. It doesn't sound good, yeah. Like, Henry Rollins would give you a different perspective on it because he's a fanatic about music.

Well, Neil Young, too. Neil Young had a whole website he created for music to sound, to download music in its, like, raw, full LP form. Well, he actually had a device

that he was selling. That's what it was, like a Zune or something? Yeah, it was one of those things. And I don't know how successful it was, but for the audiophile, it was, like,

one of the best sort of devices for digital music i thought it was just a website but yeah right no he had a really it's not compressed it's not compressed music yeah rollins has a crazy setup in his house though and he loves records and he's got these fucking speakers what did we find out how much those speakers are like quarter million dollars or something ridiculous i was gonna say like 15 grand dude no quarter million dollars He's got something bananas in his house. He's got some crazy setup. And so he'll like sit around and just like play music some days. Just sit down and just play some music and sit and listen to music.

Like that. Look at his speakers. And there's all his records. It's crazy. You know, I mean, that is a, that's an intense experience. Like that's, that's something very, I mean, I don't even think that has to be loud. I think what you're getting out of that is just like this pure sound. It's not that Henry Rollins is destroying his neighbor's life every day with his music.

It's, I think you're getting every level of the music. Yeah. Like every track, every. I bet if we went to Henry Rollins' house and he played music for us, we could understand what the fuck he's talking about. Sure. But again, I love music, but to me, I don't know if maybe my hearing's not as good. I'm like, whatever. I don't know if you've ever experienced it.

I've never experienced those things, but I've experienced a really good car stereo, where you play a whole lot of love and you hear the cymbals all around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's badass. Ah! Ah! It's what headphones around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's badass. Ah! Ah! Ah! It's like headphones.

It's what headphones give you. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But you hear it move around the car. Yeah. You can hear that in a car stereo sometimes. Or good headsets. Good headphones. Yeah, they kind of go like these,

like over-the-ear ones. You can hear some shit that you've never heard before in your car. But that's where that Neil Young thing comes in in because if it's like a compressed itunes file yeah it's not really there anyway because they like they like blended all the all the all the stuff into like one track well jamie you've tried to explain the whole record sound right it's like a warmer sound isn't the idea a little bit yeah i mean it's i was gonna say that what uh what you were just describing is uh they used to sell that as in stereo or mixed in stereo.

Before there was even stereos available, it just means it's a left and right mix. So you're hearing things mixed. Yeah, versus mono, which is just everything stuck together. But if you play around in a garage band, you can really start to understand what it is. Because you can lay down several different tracks of different music, different instruments, different things. And then if you want, you can mix them all together into one strip of content. And then that's, but if you keep them all separately, they're all playing as a, you

know, sort of as more of a symphony. Yeah. So it's really just, but it's a much bigger file you know but if you compress it into one then you can make like an mp3 out of it right and then it sounds just flatter sure yeah but you know it's uh you know it gives you the ability to like raise the drums or lower the you know yeah so it's you can see why if you're a real audiophile or a real musician you're like that's the only way i want to hear music yeah i could totally get it. I mean, I totally get it, especially someone like Rollins, who's a musician himself and probably has a deeper appreciation

for the sounds and their purest forms. Of course. Do you know what octaves are? Do you understand what octaves are? No. So if you look at a piano, it's really only like eight keys over and over and over and over again. So there's like a C, but it's on that keyboard eight times.

So if you hit all the Cs together, they kind of harmonically sound really good. That's when you can kind of tell that something either feels bad or it kind of sounds weird when it's not harmonically good. There are times maybe you would use that. In hearing, those harmonics are also hertz, like frequencies. They kind of go on forever. Our human hearing stops around 20,000.

If adult males, probably has been ruined a little bit, it's a little bit less. But that's when you have these giant speakers. They kind of allow the sounds that even we can't hear to exist because they affect the ones we can hear. And when you're compressing them, those sounds kind of get chopped off

because you don't really need them. And that's when digital music can kind of sound bad. And then this radio or record quality, I don't mean radio. Yeah, that's why the music kind of sound bad and then this this radio or record quality i mean radio yeah that's why the resurgence of records came back yeah that's it it's also people love the ritual of like laying the record down the turntable putting the needle on the crack sitting back yeah you know hey man they made this in 79 yeah it's also they were the last remaining people from Woodstock. There is like a component of like rock music

that just peaked at a certain time and sounds a certain way. Right. That like, you know, and I know Zeppelin like stole a lot of stuff, but there's something about that. Like even like the Creedence, like those dudes who were just,

you know, their voices were like, you know, it was just like that like that was a real original band too yeah and there's a bad moon

and then what are those dudes Fortunate Son that's another great one yeah and who sings Simple Man what do you call

Almond Brothers no Leonard Skinner oh Simple Man that's right yeah dude Leonard Skinner that's one of the most fucked up stories of all time though though, the way those guys died.

Yeah. Do you know that one of them survived the crash and got shot by a guy who's Landy Landon on? Yeah. Yeah. Did he survive the bullet? No. In other words, everyone died in a plane crash and this guy's like, holy shit, I survived. He fucking shot him.

Oh, my God. It's like the worst thing. That's so crazy. Yeah, where'd they crash? I think in like a I Think in like a swamp or something. That's right now. I remember the story, but why did I think that the guy survived the bullet? I'm not sure. Maybe I'm wrong. I thought he died on sight you might be right. Yeah, I have no idea But holy shit we survived boom yeah, Jesus Christ Right. Yeah. I have no idea.

Like, holy shit, we survived. Boom. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Fucking plane crashes. Killed Rocky Marciano, too. Buddy Holly. The Big Bopper.

Big Bopper. Yeah. Richie Valance. Uh-huh. Selena. Ooh, no. Selena got killed by her assistant. There was somebody who crashed in a plane.

Aaliyah. Aaliyah. I'm sorry. You racist. Yeah. You're a racist. They both end in uh uh Stevie Ray Vaughan helicopter crash

yeah how quick are people to pull the racist trigger these days they're just ready I got one I got one but sometimes

you do something like I had one the other day where I was at a New York comedy club in New York and the manager there's this guy

Drew's an awesome guy and um he's a black dude and I was leaving and I said goodnight to him but I said goodnight to another black dude they were like basically wearing the same thing but all the comics at the bar it was like a bunch he's a black dude. And I was leaving and I said goodnight to him, but I said goodnight to another black dude.

They were like, basically wearing the same thing, but all the comics at the bar, it was like a bunch of black dudes. Racist. They were like, oh, you know,

I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. I'm like, I guess I'm racist, you know. Everybody was laughing, but it was one of those moments where I'm like,

yeah, I have no excuse. I didn't, I wasn't paying attention, but at the same time, I like was like, see you, Drew.

And he was like, I'm Dre. I'm like, oh, I'm an idiot, you know. And I don't think that's, obviously obviously like it's not cuz I can't tell black people apart I just was like on my phone paying attention. It was like peripheral vision, but it's happened It's just funny to be like, yeah, you got me man. It's it's in my DNA

You know, you thought it was a white guy and it was a different white guy. Nobody would give a shit Yeah, but I get it like it's it's at least in the comedy world you make a joke out of it like the real world it's i'm at a comedy club everyone's fucking around but in the real world no you do that you look like a dick we're in one of the last groups of people that do something for a living that you can get away with saying ridiculous shit to each other and we all like it well i think it's dying though really'm noticing, depending on who's in the room, comics. Like, there are certain comics now that you can say stuff and they get offended and you're going, well, I'm out.

Like, that's how I always felt about writers' rooms. The best thing about a writers' room in a comedy show is the ability to say stuff that you cannot say in Civilization. Yeah, of course. Because even just to jumpstart the room, the horrible things you can say. But do you worry about doing that now, though? Would you worry? I don't worry about it, but I am much more conscious of, like, if we're sitting at the

table at the Comedy Cellar, I'm much more conscious of sitting around the table. Absolutely. And just not saying something completely outrageous for just the jolt of it, which a lot of people used to do. Well, yeah, I'm one of those people. If I'm, like, hanging out with, like, Rich Voss and Keith Robinson and those dudes, yeah, fucking unleash the house. For sure. You know? But if there's, like, newer people I don't know, I'm one of those people. If I'm hanging out with Rich Voss and Keith Robinson and those dudes, yeah, fucking unleash the house. But if there's newer people I don't know, I'm just going out.

Especially younger comics, there's that millennial component where they don't get that part of this is saying absurd things and pushing it a little bit on stage. You get a lot of groans, I'm sure. You get that groany thing happens to people if they think you're going down the wrong path. Ooh. Yeah, for sure. That's not a reaction.

That's just, what are you oohing? Trying to keep you in check. Don't go against my values. Oh, I can't believe you said that out loud. It's like that. Hey. Bring it back. My professor would not allow that thought.

Bring it back to where I want it. That's why I thought Chappelle's two specials, the last two, were so good. Yeah. And he makes that point. He's like, our job. It's our job. If you see a comic not doing that, like, he's not doing his job.

Yeah, the job is to push the line. Mm-hmm. I agree. But look, there are days where you're like, it's exhausting. Oh, of course. If you're not funny, you're wasting everybody's time. Like, you have to be funny first. That's the goal.

The goal isn't to go up there and make fucking some remarkable point and go, good night, everybody. You know, like, think about that. That used to be a thing, right? And that's one to grow on. No, I think you've got to be funny. But in being funny, if you can't, you know, nudge people a little bit, it gets boring. Especially each other. That's what people don't understand.

If they really listen to the way we talk to each other. It gets boring. Well, especially each other. That's what people don't understand. If they really listen to the way we talk to each other. Like, one of the things that people love is some of the podcasts that I do with Ari and Tom and Bert. Because they're so mean to each other. Yeah.

Like, Ari calls Bert, what did he call him? An idiot fuck? He goes, it doesn't work that way, you idiot fuck. And it's just like... And for a regular person in a regular meeting in some fucking insurance office, that would be the end of the conversation. Human resources get called. Someone will get a settlement. Completely.

I mean, I found that the difference between the Daily Show writers room and the Nightly Show writers room was we went out of our way and we made it the most diverse writing room you could have ever been in. But that also caused problems because now all of a sudden you got like a right wing dude and like a sensitive Brooklyn person. And then like, you know, they're saying it. And so half the time I was like, OK, everyone stop. You're right. Brown is an Ivy League school. But I see what you're saying about the fraternities there. You know, it was that kind of stuff. And it was like and I had and i had to kind of political discussions just like people would get heated about something they were

passionate about i'd have to like blow the whistle goes everyone stop like we're fucking around you know and people would get upset people would like a you know the kind of shit like somebody somebody would pitch something one day happened where somebody pitched a joke and another person phone had as their ringer just right or alert for a text, a cricket noise. So somebody pitched something in the meeting, and it was just a shitty pitch, which we all have done in a writer's room, and all of a sudden it was like,

chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. Oh, my God. And I went, man, that was so bad. The fucking crickets came in, and everyone left. But then later on, I found out that writer was upset, and the guy who had crickets on his phone, they had a fucking thing about, why, if I'm have crickets you fuck me. I was going oh shit

No, no, no, no, no, no, you're great writer. I was just it's just a cricket joke It's like you you know, but it's I don't know So at that what the Daily Show was not that way the Daily Show like when I first started working there and I was like A production assistant I'd go into a writers room I'd come out like wanting to cry. That's how mean those guys were I'd be like, I'll like I'd come out wanting to cry. That's how mean those guys were to me. I'd be like, I'd have a tape to show them. I'm like, I got some footage to show you guys.

They'd be like, soccer dick. They would just rip. It was like doing a roast every day. They were like, that shirt's stupid. That thing is dumb. And I'd be like, okay, you guys are over. They just made fun of things constantly. Constantly. Yeah.

And that's why the show was so good. Yeah, when I became that guy, I was like, yeah, eat shit, dude. I ate it. Have some. Because you got hazed, and then you got to the next level, and you hazed the next guy. But in a writer's room, is that a necessary way to think, to fuck with each other? I think it's necessary. In that kind of a show, it's not.

I think it's necessary because you're watching a lot of somber shit. You're watching news. You're watching C-SPAN. You're watching speeches. And you're trying to make funny out of it yeah so you gotta like come in there silly right so sometimes it's just getting that energy in the room you know it's like a warm-up and sometimes it's like doing warm-up like having a warm-up comic you know it's like you gotta get the end like you know you got to get the energy up we're we're really gotta look at you can't

watch and go oh my god this is terrible this is about right you gotta watch it be like hey nice shirt you know i always want to do a show called uh i always want to do a spoof called um warm-up comedians in cars getting coffee you know and it's like just driving around the city be like hey look at this asshole nice tie you know and like dudes in traffic lights are like hey why don't you stop sooner old man you know and uh but it's that kind of thing where sometimes you just fucking right it's just getting the energy going yeah exactly the comedy ball rolling. Yeah, but those guys were mean. They were.

They were all out in them like old grizzle stand-ups, and they were mean. It's different. I was going to say it's different than like a sitcom writer's room, too. Because sitcom writer's room, they have to think about character development, where the plot's going. You guys are reacting to the plot. There's no Bible or anything. Yeah, so it's almost like you have to be more aggressive in that position.

plot. There's no Bible. It's almost like you have to be more aggressive in that position. It's almost like everything is a reaction to an affront. An affront to your sensibilities, to your information. And trying to look at it not as a human.

You can't look at it as a reasonable-minded person. You have to look at it like, what's the obscure take on this? What's the way to make this funny? You can't come in and go, you can't watch the State of the Union and go, wow, that is a good point. That is dangerous. You have to watch the State of the Union and go, wait, did he just say, what did George Bush say one year? Human-animal hybrids, you know, things like that.

Where he's like, we've got to watch out for human-animal hybrids. And we're like, well, let's have some fun with that phrase. Did Bush say that? Yeah, he said it. Was that recent? No, that was State of the Union, probably like 03 or something. Ones that I just remember, like, we've got to have 50 tons of mustard gas on a farm, whatever. These little weird phrases as he was trying to sell the war to people.

And then we would grab them and make little montages out of them or create the scenario of what he's talking about. That's a fucking human hybrids thing. Where is he getting that? Wasn't there something that they were talking about doing some research really recently? They were going to make a human pig hybrid? Yes. Because they're going to harvest the organs.

Yeah, they want to grow organs. That's crazy. What if they give you a better one? Like, what if they give you a heart and it's like 50% better? Yeah, or they're like, hey, you want a bigger dick? We just grew one on a pig, you know? You want a pig dick?

What if they give you a pig heart but then you start thinking like a pig yeah? That could happen like you there's you realize like some of the thinking takes place in the heart But I think what they actually do is grow a human heart in a pig is the idea like I think they grow human organs Right so it's not a pig's heart, but maybe the pig memories get into your yeah, that would make sense Oh, that's in pig memories Yeah, and then hold on go up get some pig memories. Dum, dum, dum. Yeah. And then all you remember. Hold on. Go up to the top so we could read the thing.

All you remember is being a lab. Human-pig hybrids created in the lab. Here are the facts. Ooh. Whenever you hear that, they've already been making people out of pigs. Right? By the time you hear that, by the time it gets to us, I mean, how far down the ladder are we on the information

food chain you know yeah i mean the people that pig oh their pig lungs are breathing what in the fuck yeah this is not watch pig belong pig lungs filter human blood in a lab holy shit man that's i have a google alert set for that watch pig lungs filter human blood in the lab you'll get overwhelmed. It's every day. You just don't stop with the pig blood. They once grew a human ear on a rat, didn't they? They grew a human ear on the back of a mouse.

Yeah. I don't know what that was about, though. I think it's a life replace people's ears. I don't think they were taking the ear off the rat. I think they were trying to show that they could do that. And now they do it to people. They'll grow you an ear on your forehead, and then you keep that for a couple of years,

and then they cut it off and then put it on your ear. I'm not joking. But you don't want it on your forehead. That's where it would grow best. You put it on your back? Yeah, this guy had a nose growing on his forehead. Stop. Yes, he did. That looks like Photoshop. That's Photoshop. No, it's not Photoshop. He had an accident where his nose was severely damaged.

So they grew another nose on his forehead and then removed it from his forehead. See? That's real. That looks Photoshopped. That's insane. How dare you distrust me. I believe you. I'm just telling you the truth.

It looks Photoshopped. So this dude had a fucked up nose. They grew him this nose on his forehead. Oh, it's our friend Philly DeFranco. So see if he's got any actual footage of homeboy's nose. That's it? Yeah. Hmm.

That's what I was hoping for. I'm pretty sure that's a real story. What is that? Guy's growing a hand out of his foot. Oh, is it his hand got... Sometimes they'll do that if your hand got severely damaged. Hand kept alive on a leg. Okay. That's so fucking weird.

I'm good. What does that guy got? An ear on his arm. He's got an ear growing out of his arm to replace his other ear? All right, bro. They're going to be able to grow that shit in a lab soon. It's going to be an interesting fucking time. And I like your idea that we think that we're missing what comes next, that we're going to miss it.

Yeah. Because it seems like things are happening at such a crazy rate that if you did check out now, you might just miss immortality. Yeah. You know? Yeah, you might. Or you might miss downloading your brain. Yeah. They're working on that.

Look at this. Downloading your conscience. Screwing a horn working on that look at this downloading your conscience She's going to horn fuck is that screw horn? Blew out of her head what a shit horn looks like she just took a dump out of her head a shit horn Did you imagine if this poor lady lived in like fucking 1800s? They shoot her right in the head with a yeah It's demon woman You know also how do you let your shit horn get that big like the second? It's out of your head, you go

into the doctor. Do you think anybody ever grabbed it and rode that face? Do you think anybody ever got busy holding onto that thing? That'd be a hell of a handle. Do you think it's hard like a rhino? Or do you think it's like hair? Like one giant, fucked up clump of hair that just

plowed through the hair pore. What is it? A catatnus horn. That's fucking nuts. Yeah, that guy's in a Stephen King movie. Look at that. Guy's got a horn. Okay, no one would ever let that person live in another world.

Look at that. It's crazy. Some people just grow horns. How many people? What in the fuck, man? How do I not know about this horn? How many people grow horns? Multiple.

Dude, that's crazy. This lady has a giant one poking out of her head like a... Is it me or is horn? How many people grow horns? Dude, that's crazy. This lady has a giant one poking out of her head. Is it me or is it a lot of Asians with horns? Hey, don't be racist. I've already told him before and after the podcast, yet he continues to talk about the differences in races. I'm observing. In a very, very demeaning way.

I'm not lying. You'd think it'd be more Jews, you know? They're supposed to be the race with the horns. Oh my God. I can't believe you. What's that guy's ear? Guy's got a universe living in his ear. Wow. Whoa, they have horns

coming out of their face. Holy shit. Whoa. Some people have horns coming out of their fucking cheeks. This is nuts. Cheek horns are crazy. Who gets them? Make that bigger so my stupid eyes can read it. What does that say? Between 60 and 70. Cutaneous. Is that how you say it?

Yeah, cutaneous. Cutaneous horns are more common in older patients. With the peak incidence, those between 60 and 70. They're usually common in males and females, though there's a higher risk of the lesion being malignant in men. They're more common in people with fairer skins. Huh. That's the Asian thing, I guess, huh?

Would you consider that? But some Asians don't have fairer skin like yeah, no it's not it was just that well that website had more Asians Wow, how weird people get fucking horns. Yeah, no, I just think it's weird that you don't you don't deal with it right away Imagine trying to explain to someone a thousand years ago if you had a horn they didn't do anything I swear to God, I didn't make a deal with the devil. You carry the mark.

You're definitely getting drowned. The mark of the beast that grows from his head. We must smite him. We cannot have him sleep while my children sleep. That would probably happen in like 1962. I heard he does not sleep. I heard him on my rooftop last night. On his haunches, breathing heavy.

Can I run to the... Yeah, yeah, use the little boys room. The boys room right back. My nitro came right through me. Rory. Can't handle his nitro. That is a fucked up thing, man, that some people get horns and some people just look like... Like, uh...

Eyehorn. Kate Moss. Eyehorn. She's got an eyehorn. Oh. Kate Upton is what I was looking for. Kate Moss came out. Whoa, look at that lady's face. Okay, don't do this to me, Jamie.

We don't need to do this. Staring at people's horns. Just if you ever think that you're unlucky, ladies and gentlemen, just Google horns. This guy's got a horn coming out of his nose. That's gross. Yeah, that's not good.

Off the lip. Guy's got a horn coming off his lip. Holy shit. If that's herpes, then we have a real problem. Houston. Houston, we got a real problem. This is disturbing. Cut it out.

How long do you think they'd grow for? Or it takes to get that long? I don't know. It's a good question. Do you let that go? Do you let it go? When do you go to the doctor? doctor if you get a fucking horn but a lot of those people that they like that one guy that had a horn growing out of the back of his head that guy looked like he was in a very very rural area with dirt ground one on a cat hmm this cat has a horn like a problem that's a dog bro it's a cat has a horn. That's a dog, bro. It's a cat. Is that a cat?

I guess it's nose. I thought his nose was that black spot. Wow, what is that? Oh, that's that dude that had that fungus. The tree thing. Yeah, he had that horrible fungal infection, like warts that covered his whole body and made him look like a tree. Wow.

Dude. I mean, what in the fuck is that? That's like a life form that's consuming another life form. Like the barnacles on a pole that's stuck in the ocean. I mean, it's almost as like that. Like these things are growing on his skin. Like, what is that? Fungus and spore.

It's a wart, right? A wart's a disease. Yeah. So if it's a disease, that disease is actually growing on his skin. That's what all that is. Yeah, it's his warts. Oh, God. Motherfucker.

Nature can be ruthless. Imagine being that dude. And you're like, why me? Like, what kind of shit luck is this? We're looking at this guy who's got um there's a few people that have it apparently they have this tree disease where it looks like they grow it's a like a wart a wart disease it gets completely out of control the guy died described it as the cutaneous horn skin oh wow, wow. So it's the same thing? It's just all over his skin.

You know what that actually looks like? No, that's the guy from... Look at that, but that's real. His skin has become like a beast. It's like, you watch Game of Thrones? Yes. That stone skin disease? Yeah, that's what it looks like.

It does look exactly like that. That's weird. Fuck, it's weird. Maybe that's what Medusa myth came from people growing getting that you know right oh like snake head right maybe it just got distorted over the years to be like you froze like a stone but instead of just you were just covered like a rock yeah i mean a disease like that if you got that shit a thousand years ago people absolutely be convinced you were cursed Yeah, like something did that to you a demon possessed you well think about like the logic to early medicine, you know Yeah, it's like it's like your head hurts. We should let some air out of it. It's all that holes in your head. Yeah, how about a little pressure seizure? They thought you were you were possessed

Yeah, like if you had a seizure like they thought you were possessed. Yeah. Like if you had a seizure. Like the devil's inside her. Hold her down. The old Steve Martin sketch on SNL. I'm the barber. Remember that? He was like a medieval barber, which is like their medicine man. You know, he's like, trust me, huh?

Who's the barber here? We're just going to drain your face. You know, if like it's built. All of his remedies were just death. I watched The Exorcist again the other night. Whoa. They'd go through the head? That's what a lobotomy was.

They'd go through the eyeball? Right through your eye. Right through the eye. I thought that was going up your... Oh, wow. I thought it was going up their nose. And then they just scramble it. Stir it around. Imagine.

Imagine. What a great idea. Jesus Christ. What a great idea. No anesthesia. No anesthesia. Just stick a spike in my eye. I think they put you under. Sometimes they didn't, I think. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sometimes a great idea. No anesthesia. No anesthesia. Just stick a spike in my eye. I think they put you under. Sometimes they didn't, I think.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Sometimes they didn't. Sometimes they just nuked your brain while you're sitting there. They're scrambling it around. Just imagine that they did that to people. What year are they doing it that way? A lot. Dude, they did it a lot. It's the 1900s. Go to that photo of that kid right above where your cursor is. Right there. Bam.

Whoa. Whoa. They lobotom Bam. Whoa. Whoa. They lobotomized that kid. Look at his eyes. They're all swollen up from the blood. Holy shit. They did it to a kid. It's nuts, dude.

They did it to a kid? It's like he just needed some Adderall. Holy shit. There was a... I feel like there was a place they were doing them so often that they had to... They couldn't even do as many as they needed.

There were hundreds a day. What? Yeah, I'll look it up real quick. Yeah, please do as many as they needed. There were hundreds a day. What? Yeah, I'll look it up real quick. Yeah, please do. Oh, my God. That's insane. Can you imagine that they thought that that was a good thing to do? It's insane.

And they thought that was a good thing to do during the time where you can take pictures. Yeah. These are photographs. Cameras existed. Yeah, cameras existed. Pretty modern era. Holy shit. Yeah, and that was going on, and lobotomies were going on.

One of the Kennedys had a lobotomy. What? Yeah, there's a Kennedy sister who had a lobotomy. For real? Yeah, that shit was going on into like the 50s and 60s. Remember remember um One flew over the

cuckoo's nest. That's like the end of the movie. Did they lobotomize him at the end of the movie, or did they electric shock him? Well, he was kind of done. He was like farthing out the mouth. Yeah. I don't know if they did it with... I think it was electric shock, though, wasn't it? Yeah, but I don't know if it was the same outcome.

Okay. Look at this. During its heyday in the 1940s and 1950s, the lobotomy was performed on some 40,000 patients in the United States and around 10,000 in Western Europe. Holy shit. The procedure became popular because there was no alternative and because it was seen to alleviate several social crises,

overcrowding in psychiatric institutions, and the increasing cost of caring for mentally ill patients. So they couldn't take care of them. So they just scrambled them and fed them gruel. Yeah. Yeah, the guy was doing 20 to 25 a day. So like one every hour. Unlike now when we just let them wander the streets.

What the fuck, man? What the fuck, man? That's crazy how many people that is. Yeah, look up the Kennedy I think it's one of like JFK's sisters got a lobotomy dude I was in Fresno recently I was doing a gig that is getting me lobotomized

I was doing a gig in Fresno Rosemary Kennedy 1918 mentally impaired so what I was saying is I was doing a gig in Fresno and there's this giant population of people living on the streets out there like you go down the streets it's just like a skid row type deal

where you're like everywhere you look to the right and the left is a homeless people like a homeless community very similar they have carts set up things laid over them they're living underneath them garbage everywhere. And you're like, holy shit. Wow.

And then I found out that Louis Theroux did a documentary on it. Is that it? Yeah, from Fresno. Yeah. And then I found out that Louis Theroux did a documentary on it. And he said that Fresno is the meth capital of the world. Wow. Yeah.

See if you can find that. But it was real weird, it is weird weird but that does not look like an american city it was weird yeah and you realize like wow these people got fucked they got stuck in this terrible situation and now they become this thing that people pity when they drive by yeah lingering on the side of the road luckily we have city addicted to crystal meth that's what it is luckily we have have Christians who will come help them. Yes, they'll help. We're a country full of Christians who want to help these people.

What did it say, 2009? Yeah. So it was in 2009 that it aired, and it's probably gotten even worse since the last nine years. Yeah. I had no idea it was that bad. Yeah. That's insane.

Dude, it was weird driving around there. Fun shows, though. Nice people. I was going to ask you that. How was the crowd? Fun. It was it was weird driving around there. Fun shows, though. Nice people. I was going to ask you that. How was the crowd? Fun. It was fun. I did two shows.

Two shows there, two shows in Bakersfield. Had a great time, man. But the places that I don't go to normally, I'm never there. Yeah. So it was like. I'm going back to Comedy Works in Denver soon. It's a fucking awesome club. What a great place.

Yeah, I got a couple of fun gigs coming up. Did you film there? No, but I showcased there. Right, that's where you were there the night before that I was there. Yep. Or the night of, right? I did a show Thursday, and then I did an early show on Friday before you. That's right.

That was the one where Chappelle came out. That was crazy. That was so fucking fun. How fun was that? That was so fun. We were hanging out, and I got off stage, and Chappelle was just in the green room. I was like, what are you doing, man? He goes, oh man, just hanging

around. I go, you want to go up? Should I? Fuck yeah, hold on a second. I ran back out and pulled the people back to their seats. Yep. I was sitting in the crowd watching. It was awesome. Sometimes he'll come in at the comedy salon and do like four hours. So when he first got on stage, I was with my girlfriend. I was like,

we're going to be here a while. I don't think he'll do that as much. He did like 30 hours. So when he first got on stage, I was with my girlfriend. I was like, we're going to be here a while. I don't think he'll do that as much. He did like 30 minutes. Yeah. Just like worked on a bunch of new stuff. It's really fun. It's also just cool that you let him do it because a lot of people

wouldn't want Chappelle coming out after they just killed the show, you know? No, I love that guy. Yeah, he's awesome. I wanted to watch too. Yeah, he was amazing. I think you had, I mean, your hour is awesome too, man.

I still like quote stuff from your hour but like vegan that's my vegan cats and all those are older so yeah but like the odds yes but just murderous stuff thanks man yeah I can't wait to get this new one out of the way when are you doing it uh April so you said that you did one and you I take the show time I was it was yeah I thought it was gonna go to Showtime. You were really happy with it? Yeah, I thought it was going to go to Showtime, but then the deal kind of got funked up, and now I own it. And I don't know. It's good.

I'm really proud of it. It's like a really good hour. I worked hard on it. I wrote a lot of jokes, and I went on the road nonstop the year before. Have you thought about Amazon? Yeah, I've thought about a lot of those places. My people are looking around. They're looking at some options of places to send it.

It's just a slow process, like the process of getting people to watch it first. When you send somebody something to watch, they're like, sure. And then you've got to nag them. So they're working on it. There's a couple of people that may be interested. At some point, I might just put it out. Yeah. Jamie, didn't you say that Amazon Prime, something like 50% of the households have Amazon Prime?

Didn't you say something like that? Yeah. I think when you have Amazon Prime, you get video. Like, you can watch videos for free. Yeah. I think we'd have to let people know, like, some of the resources that are available. I know. I feel like Amazon is starting to do comedy specials now.

Oh, they are? Which is great if you're not getting one from Netflix or HBO or Comedy Central. Yep. You know, 64 or Comedy Central. Yep. You know, 64% of U.S. households have an Amazon Prime. That's bananas, dude. We just got to figure out how to get those people to watch comedy specials. I also do feel like you got on Netflix before it was a thing. I got on Netflix in 2005.

Yep. That was when I did my very first special. I did on Netflix, and then we sold it to Showtime. It was the opposite. Yep. That was when I did my very first special. I did on Netflix and then we sold it to Showtime. It was the opposite. Right. But I'm saying,

so, like, the way I think of it now is like, what is that, what is that thing now? Like, what is,

you know, what's the apartment that's cheap right now that won't be, like, 10 years, you know? Right,

what is it? So it's like, you know, so that's the thing I'm trying to think of is like, there's got to be different ways to do it, more interesting ways to do it than 10 years you know right so it's like you know so that that's the thing i'm trying to think of is like there's got to be different ways to do it more interesting ways to do it than just you know putting it on itunes and being like it's 10 bucks you know or whatever like you know

there's so i'm just thinking of that way i'm trying to think of it as like it doesn't have to be it the goal of it is just for people to see me do do stand-up so it's like that's the goal so it's really more about creative ways that i'm kind of going through in my head that are like, what about this? What about this? What about this? And it's social media is good and bad for some stuff. But a lot of it's about how you get it out there and how you release it. And if somebody catches it and it becomes a thing and all that.

So it's hard to sort of game the system but you're like thinking that way you know like well i think if you put it on youtube that's probably if you wanted to get it to access to the most people if that's all it was your concern that would be the most people yeah because uh if we tweeted it and we talked about on the podcast and people enjoyed it and they thought it was and they found it was free and most people especially if you have apple tv you have youtube built in right and then you're just watching it Just watch it on your TV. Yeah, I do that with a lot of shit now. Yeah, you know Um, I think YouTube is for sure the easiest option because I think there's a giant percentage of people that watch YouTube videos on their

Phones I bet it's probably more than half. Yep. I think is it Jamie? Yeah, I think most people just watch it on their phones a lot of people for sure it's certainly a giant chunk whether it's 50 or more 50% or more you're dealing with a giant chunk of people

that just would have access to your comedy on their phone yep almost any time and then it's a matter of like do you break it up into like

right four minute sections so people can like share it or do you just put the whole hour out you know there's like so many different ways to like I think you should do both i think you should have like the full version and put that out on your website or on your youtube page and then put chunks so if people just want to watch the chunks they can watch the chunks maybe they'll watch a

chunk or two and then they'll go i gotta see this watch the whole thing and they watch the whole thing in its entirety and they see where the chunks fit in yeah that's a good way to do it yeah because if you just let people know you you know, people want to see good comedy. You let people know. And you can only, like, we can only crank out so much shit. Yep. So, like, there's a lot of people out there like, hey, yo, dude, I'm looking. Fucking laugh.

What do you got? Yeah. What do you got? I watched all the shit. And I feel about it, too, is like, it's, you know, better than anybody. Whenever you do anything, like, you film something, whether you're in it behind the camera or put your name on something, you want it to be good. And I'm always honest with myself. I'm like, that could have been better.

But this, I was like, oh, I'm proud of it. I like it. I feel really good about it. Of course, that's the one you can't get out. Right. Joke being, it's the first time I'm like, boy, this is really something I stand behind. It's like, go fuck yourself. Are you in a financial position that you have to sell it, or can you just put it on YouTube?

No, I can put it. I mean, I bought it back, and I could put it on YouTube and not sell it. The goal is for people to see it. Right. And it's not like it cost me like $14 million to shoot. You could get YouTube ad money, too. You can get some ad money if it's successful. If people if people start watching yeah youtube is like actually clamped down on that now have they yeah they're making it there's a lot of like social media stuff that's sort of

falling the sort of like wild west model of like meaning the youtube is clamped down on what the advertisers yeah like you have to have a certain amount of, just reading about this, you have to have a certain amount of views to even be in the... This is a world we talk in and deal in all the time, so Jamie can explain to you the whole... Right, there's a new thing. They just changed it, yeah. Yeah, they just changed it, and that 1%, like I was reading that like only 1% now of people are on YouTube, like the top 1%. It's not that hard to get past their threshold right now. It's just like 1,000 hours of views, which if you have 1,000 views or something like that that hard to get past their threshold right now. It's just like a thousand hours of views

which if you have a thousand views you'd get there within like a month. Oh, okay. It's not that hard. That's good to know. Or a couple weeks.

Yeah, I kind of knew where you were going with this. Yeah. It's just like that it off at the pass. What I'm saying but making money on it they're saying most people.

It's much more difficult after that PewDiePie guy. That PewDiePie guy said a bunch of racist shit and turned out he had a bunch of Nazi jokes. Then he called someone the N-word. And then boom, next thing you know,

everybody's revenue dropped off substantially. It's crazy. It's very tight on how revenue gets distributed and what's safe for advertising and even stuff that doesn't even make a whole lot of sense. Things get demonetized. We get our podcast demonetized. It doesn't make any sense.

It's like okay that one like what what what was even said that was offensive like what is it that decides wait your podcast all the time all the time different episodes get demonetized that's crazy yeah yeah and we'll talk about controversial things we talk about controversial things it almost always gets demonetized that's weird you criticize youtube it gets demonetized you know they're strict about um does like it's amazing how quickly to like I'll put my I think I was Sony this before I put my best of nightly show real from my on-camera stuff from the nightly show on YouTube yeah, and because it's Comedy Central content and instantly gets flagged within like

Seven minutes I get an email like this can't be accepted So then I was like, oh, maybe it's cuz I labeled it like best of and I put Comedy Central as a search word. So I just took out all the searchers and I was just like best of Rory Albanese. I didn't say anything about what, put it online. Ten minutes, get an email. This video has been flagged it has Viacom content. It gets taken down.

Like, it's pretty remarkable how quickly that can happen. Yeah, we do it all the time. That's why we said we couldn't play that video earlier. It happens every day. Things get flagged. Yeah, we do it all the time. That's why we said we couldn't play that video earlier. It happens every day. Things get flagged. Yeah. They have algorithms. I mean, they can just capture music and clips and stuff like that.

They can capture music from a clip from a scene in a movie that they'll find. Like if you're playing a scene in a movie and like say Goodfellas and some, didn't we do that recently? Yeah. And what was the song? Was it Rolling Stones? Layla? Come Together by the Beatles.

Oh, Come Together. And they were like, fuck you, pay me. They went straight Ray Lee and Oz. It may have been, that's funny, it may have been, if it was Come Together, it may have been a Bronx Tale. That's what it was, yeah. Oh, was it a Bronx Tale? Yeah, that was the fight scene.

That's right. That's right. That's the scene where he's like, now you can't leave. That's right, a Bronx Tale. That's exactly what it was. That's right. Because Goodfellas has a great soundtrack, but it does not have Come Together in it. Man.

But. Right now. Yeah, it's such a great scene. He's like, I'm going to ask you gentlemen to leave. You know, I get that. Dude, have you seen that Beatles Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas? No. Have you ever seen that?

Nope. It's called Love. I've not seen it. Fucking amazing. Yeah. It's so, you know, like, it's so interesting as comics. Like, most of the shows that we see are comedy. Like, I saw Book of Mormon.

That was the last time I went to a play. Yep. Unless it was like for what? Did you see Hamilton? One of my kids. Look at me. Yeah. What do you think?

I thought you would have seen Hamilton. You're a cultured man. You're interested in all things. I got shit to do, man. That's good. Whatever that hour is, I got shit to do. That was good. I literally know nothing about Hamilton.

Yeah. I'm just joking. It's funny because I went into it like, what's the craze about? I'm like, this is going to be so overrated. And then I watched. I was like, that was good. It was really good. Yeah, it was really good.

I love that those art forms exist. I don't love Broadway plays. I'm not that big. But I thought Book of Mormon, I actually saw it twice. I loved that. And I thought it was as funny as something can be. Yeah, it was genius. I mean, it's a fucking... Those dudes, by the way, Matt and Trey.

They're on another planet. They're from somewhere else. You know what movie I watched that we're talking about, like, movies that people don't talk about enough? That's so fucking perfect. Team America. Oh, my God. That movie is like flawless it's one of the best movies ever for comedy oh yeah it's it's you can't even believe what they accomplished in that movie like they haven't seen the full uncut scenes the way they had sex and

dropped logs on each other and pissed on each other yes yes yes yes and uh the way they start the movie they told i i saw them interview they told a story about the opening scene of the movie is a really shitty marionette. Yeah. And then it widens out and it's a marionette in France using a marionette. And it's like, that's the opening sequence. So they said when they fucking screened it for the studio, that's why they did that. And it was like a really shitty looking and you heard all the executives like, what the fuck did we spend all this money on?

You know? And it just reveals how there's the executives like, what the fuck did we spend all this money on? And it just reveals how there's the sex. Here's the full unedited sex version. They did this like way over the top so they could pull stuff back. It's really funny. Yeah. They just decided to do it this way. So they would have stuff to edit out.

Yeah, and for the DVD extras, look at that, dude. This is fucking crazy. Oh, my God. And I think, apparently, they... It's just puppets. Oh, my God. They're doing everything. It's so funny.

Eating ass. Yeah. And they did this so that they could have, like, well, you got to give us some of it. You know? They went over. They got to give us a little. They went so far over the line. It's just every position.

Yeah, everything. So far. Look at this. They went so far, so fucking crazy. Yeah. Like he's peeing on her. Yeah.

All over her face, her open eyes. And then she drops a log on him. Oh my God, look at this. And then they just keep going. Oh my God, it's so stupid. Oh my God, look at this. And then they just keep going. Oh my God, it's so stupid.

Oh my God, it's so funny. I mean, it just goes on forever. Yeah. But they did that so that they would have room for negotiation. That's how they worked. Yeah, those guys are just geniuses, man. And that movie is... Like the whole concept of they need an actor.

Yes. How important actors are. And how bad his acting is. Come on, concept of they need an actor. Yes, how important actors are Come on Gary. You're an Fucking shitty make Dirk a Dirk a Dirk a Dirk And it's the Star Wars Cantina see they're like we're gonna transmogrify you or dress more view and then like all that stuff happens to His face it's like 20 minutes of like like they make it like it's face off and then they just hit they just glued some Fucking hair to his face. It's so funny. Yeah, there it is. That is hilarious. They paint him a little brown look at him Durka

Come on Gary act your way in We need a top gun actor that's what he says he goes you're a top gun actor It's too bad this took so long to make. He doesn't want to make another one. They almost broke them, dude. Like, it just fucking... I can only imagine. Yeah.

How much time it must take. This is so painstaking. Painstaking. I mean, are they moving each piece as it's happening and then filming it and doing it over and over and over again? Oh, they're doing multiple camera angles. Multiple. They shot it like a movie.

That's why it's so good. I need to watch it again. I'm forgetting this scene. I'll tell you, this is him, and then it's basically the Star Wars cantina when he walks in, and you know, and uh, it's really funny. Yeah. But it is a movie that you can come home at like, two in the morning

and just be like, oh, I want to like, kill an hour, smoke some weed, and just throw it on. Like at any scene, it's stopped at. Oh, and don't forget about the fucking South Park movie. Yes, you're right. The South Park movie where Saddam Hussein is getting gay with the devil. With the devil, yeah. Remember that?

The devil pulls his dick out. Fuck yeah, it'll hold up. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I haven't watched that in a long time. I guarantee that'll hold up. South Park is still really funny. Still hilarious. Yep. It's really funny. I mean, when it comes to overall content,

it's one of the funniest shows, if not the funniest of all time. Dude, they turn stuff around. What else? It's like Simpsons, Them. Family Guy. Family Guy. It's the other one people love, but they fucking rip on a Family Guy. I know they do.

South Park. Do you remember the one where they went into the writer's room with a family guy and it was two manatees in a tank? And if they drop a ball, you know, like drop a ball on a thing and then it's just a joke comes out. So mean. And it's like old TV show reference, you know? So mean.

That's hilarious. Yeah, they just broke his formula down. Yeah, it's funny though. It's fucking hilarious. I think Seth MacFarlane is funny. I thought those Ted movies were really funny. I didn't see them. I still haven't seen the Ted movies. I heard they're hilarious. Yeah, they're not

flawless movies, but they're funny. There's a couple of scenes in them that are so funny that the whole movie goes up like 10 points. There's a few scenes in there. There's a scene where Ted's telling him about the weed he bought and he was like and it's like i forget the exact dialogue but it's like uh he's like yeah it's called like

uh he's like i got some weed it's called like kill me now please you know and he's like why'd you get that he's like well the only other options were please make it stop make it stop like he's naming the weeds and they're all like this like paranoia fueled weed it's really funny you know sort of like maybe the uh the the jizz in the hair scene in something about Mary. Yeah. It was so funny, it took the whole movie. Yeah, and then you remember that, yeah.

Because there's other stuff that's really funny in that movie that gets lost. Like Chris Elliott having the best wife ever is really funny, but he's still in love with Mary. That's just like a joke that kind of... She's like, I made cookies, you want a blowjob? And he's like still in love with another woman. That's how like a joke that kind of, she's like, I made cookies. You want a blowjob? And he's like still in love with another woman. That's how amazing Mary is.

Yeah, man. There's just too many goddamn movies. Yeah. That's what I'm saying about they're constantly making movies, but the movies don't go away. I heard this Annihilation movie is supposed to be amazing. Is it? I keep hearing good things. I haven't heard.

Have you seen it? I haven't seen it. I haven't heard shit from anybody I know, though. I haven't seen Black Panther yet either. Have you seen it? I haven't seen that either. I haven't heard. Have you seen it? I've never heard shit from anybody I know, though. I haven't seen Black Panther yet either. Have you seen it? I haven't seen that either. I haven't been to movies in a while. I very rarely go out to the movies.

Annihilation is by the ex-Machina guy, though. Oh, really? Yeah. That movie's fantastic. That's one of my all-time. If I had 20 all-time greats, that's in there. It is? Yeah.

That movie's in there. Especially for me, because I'm really obsessed with the idea of artificial intelligence and where it can go and to see it in a form like that. I'm like, I'm buying this. I'm not necessarily buying this one-man operation. This one dude is a super genius. He's programming everything and doing it. Eh, I think it would probably be a little bigger than that.

Sure. Especially the initial launch. You're going to have teams and teams of people. He's like the Elon Musk of that. He's like the head of that idea. I get it. I'm willing to go in. You can suspend your disbelief enough on it. That was it. It was the only part of the movie that I gotta go,

Okay, I just gotta assume this guy's the ultimate uber-super genius. And it seems like we're looking at something in the future anyway. It seems like this is not current time. It seemed like it was about 30 or 40 years in the future. It had that Black Mirror vibe to it. It's realistic, but it's a little bit in the future right i uh i i find that with movies what's so funny is what you're willing to suspend your disbelief but i still a bit about this it's like like like you'll go see like spider-man you know what i

mean and like it's about a fucking dude who gets bit by a spider and then like then there's a scene where like someone makes a cell phone call in a basement it gets reception i'm like that yeah this is fucking unrealistic you know like the stupidest things like it'll be like a white cab driver in new york and like come on you know like a cigar out of the corner of his mouth like they did that in that kevin spacey superman movie uh the one that like came and went very quickly kevin spacey was lex luther and the other that other dude was superman like kevin spacey leuthor. That's right. They released the Superman movie. Oh, that's right. And Amy Adams, I think.

Who was Superman? Who's the Superman? Some dude? Some dude. And then it was like, he's Superman. And then it was like, he's not. Anyway, there he is. That's the dude?

Yeah, his name's like- He looks like he could be Superman. Brandon. Hi, Brandon. Yeah, Brandon something. Brandon, that dude who was Superman. And Kevin Spacey was Lex Luthor? He's the George Lazenby of Superman.

Why did I not remember this at all? Well, there's a scene. Kevin Spacey with his head shaved? Yeah, it's so cool. Actually, let's go with his head shaved. It's a bad movie, but there's a scene in that movie where Superman flies over like the Brooklyn Bridge and a fat white guy with a cigar and a newsboy hat goes, What the heck?

And I was like, this is the worst movie I've ever seen. Literally, that happens in this movie. That's hilarious. He says, what the heck was that? That guy hasn't driven a cab in 40 years. He was in Batman versus Superman too? Kevin Spacey? No, no, no.

They just showed that clip. What was that image that you were just looking at with him in long hair? Five new stills from Batman versus Superman released. What? Was he in that movie? I didn't't see that movie and i assume you didn't either because i respect you yeah i watched it on uh itunes when it's like batman versus superman how bad was it it it's it's pretty bad like but the longer version of it there's like some like the wonder woman's in it she's all right but it's really long and there's like they redo the whole fucking

Batman as a kid in the bats and he falls in the bat thing. I'm like how many fucking times have we seen this kid fall in a bat cave? Like they have to like retell me how he became Batman and the whole thing was his parents get shot and it's a flashback. I'm like remember like you know Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight

or whatever. like that shit was The Nicholson one and then they did the one with Christian Bale the origin story of Batman and all this you know Right Eisenberg is Leslie sir He's a new Lex Luthor. Yeah, it wasn't Batman or Superman. Okay? Yeah in the new Batman universe or the Superman universe I guess he's so who and her Justice League is just just as bad really yeah why hurt breaking my heart bro I don't know DC can't do it what is out now though isn't there like a some sort of superhero movie out now besides uh Black Panther is there something coming out now the new Avengers that they had the big infinity we're still things coming oh yeah when's that coming this summer as long as you let the Hulk freak out and building up for the whole

all these five years of movies since The Last Avengers have been building to this big story. They gotta get rid of that dude with the bow and arrow. Stop. That's all you got is a bow and arrow. Jeremy Renner. I love that guy, but you gotta give him a better superpower. Yeah. You can't have just a regular dude with a shitty recurve

shooting slow ass arrows. Scarlett Johansson's just like a girl who was trained by Russians to kick ass. She doesn't have any superpowers. She's hot. Let's keep her on board. This guy's ridiculous, though. Get the fuck out of here, bro.

Let me see your form, first of all. Let me see what he looks like when he pulls back his bow. Do you think he does it right? Yeah, probably. Nope. Nope. He's got three arrows. Get the fuck out of here, bitch.

Can't shoot three arrows at the same time. They'll all be slow as shit. Oh, yeah. He's got three arrows to fuck out of here bitch. Can't shoot three hours at the same time. They'll all be slow as shit He's got some Mystical bow doesn't make sense. It's too much power. So the power must all be in the projectiles It's like a tech bow, you know It's so stupid all tech the whole thing is stupid because he's got like these missile tips on the end of this slow bullshit ass bow that's a slow ass bow like It's a slow ass bow like it's a slow ass it is huh i love it no he's on

the right side because he's shooting where is his thing it's on the he's pulling back with oh yeah right on the right well some people do do that they do it or not yeah if you learn it that way you can do it that way that seems weird um does, but on a compound bow, you would definitely have it on the other side. But I've seen people do it that way. The thing is with a riser, like one of these bow risers, a recurve bow riser, it's kind of a different thing because your arrow

is making contact with the riser as well. There's like way less accuracy with one of those things. Especially that traditional kind of a setup the way he has. Like if you look at um uh archers in the olympics they have a bunch of different classes that they uh compete in and when you have an arrow that has to brush up against the side of your bow like that like those traditional old ones those are the hardest to really develop uh real accuracy with it requires

a lot of feel, man. You got to really practice with that thing and know that you're pulling the bow back exactly the same distance every time. Because if you pull it back an inch more, it'll have a bunch more feet per second power. It'll go higher or lower if you don't pull it back far enough. Yeah.

Yeah, he seems to be doing that in every picture. I'm sure they trained him. And I'm sure some people do do it that way. And it looks like in some of these things, he's shooting left-handed. Okay. Well, then it's the right way. So he's shooting left-handed. That's why it's on the other side. But I felt like on the other side, it was his right arm. Nope, it's his left arm. Okay. Duh. That's why. How did I not notice that? Yeah, he's got his left arm up. So he's drawing back the bow with his left arm. That's why it's on the other side. But I have seen people, even people who are right-handed on a traditional bow,

but maybe it was like one of those stick bows, not like a traditional bow like a – But if you were pulling back with your right arm, it would still be on the outside of the bow, right? If you were doing it with your right arm, a compound bow, it's on the other side. So if I'm holding it with my left side, the arrow is going to be on the left side. But I think on some traditional bows, and I'm talking out of my ass a little bit because I don't know too much about traditional bows, but I think there are some guys who put the arrow on the other side.

And I think that was actually a part of that Lars Andersen's video. Isn't that the guy's name? The guy was the crazy arrow expert who shoots all those arrows at the same time. I think that was one of the things that he was saying was to have it on this side. Yes, that's exactly what it was. He was saying to have it on that side

because it makes it easier to put onto the string if he's grabbing the arrow and just throwing it on the string rather than going over the top to the other side. Yeah, that's what it was. Look at all these guys and just throwing it on the screen. Quickly shooting. Rather than going over the top to the other side. Right. Yeah, that's what it was. Look at all these guys. They have it on the left-hand side.

All these guys have it on the left-hand side. So he's doing the opposite, pull back with the right and go on the left. Yes. Gotcha. So he's got it. That's how he has it. That's how most people have it. And this is like what he's got in his hands right here.

That was an Olympic target bow. So what he's doing is instead of going around all the way around to the left, he's explaining how much wasted motion is in that. Gotcha. And so instead he's saying you go to the same side, and he shows all these images of people with arrows to the same side. They all have it on the same side. And it makes sense that it would be so much easier have it on the same side. And it makes sense.

That would be so much easier and quicker to do it that way. Totally makes sense. Oh, shit. Yeah, completely makes sense. I think this for accuracy, I would have to talk to my friend John Dudley about this. He's a master archery instructor. I bet there's something to do with torque.

But again, that's another thing. If you just shoot with the same bow, the same weight arrows over and over and over again with that, it's sort of like you know how you know how to throw a rock or a baseball. Perfect example. If you have a baseball and there's a tree that's like 30 feet away, 40 feet away, you know how far or how hard you have to throw the ball to hit that tree. You know, you can actually like get pretty close to a spot. You can calculate the arc that you need.

Yeah. You can get pretty close to a spot in that tree. Right. You know, you can actually, like, get pretty close to a spot. You calculate the arc that you need. Yeah. Yeah. You can get pretty close to a spot in that tree just throwing it. Well, it's because you've done it a bunch of times. If you played catch with a bunch of people, you kind of know what to do with a baseball. Right. It's the same thing with a bow and arrow, especially that kind, that style of where you don't have a sight that you're looking through. You're just pulling back and you kind of know where the arrow's going to go.

You just kind of know because you do it a lot. There's a feel. Yeah. But you have to do it every time. You have to bring it back exactly the same spot on your face every time. Because if you go here, it's going to go different. It's going to go further. Or if you go in front of your face, you don't pull it back all the way.

It's going to go shorter. Right, but in some cases, you want to be doing that. So you just have to know. No, you never want to be having it with a different form. You always want to pull it back to the exact same spot. You want to aim at different positions. So in other words, though, then the range of the bow is the same every time. Every time.

Yeah, that's the only way you're ever going to understand where it's going to go. Oh, so it's not like you can go if you really want to go deep. Well, you can lift it up, but you're just aiming at a different spot. But you always want to pull it back. But you wouldn't pull it back further. No. You always want to pull it back to the exact same spot. It's called the compound bow.

It's actually called the wall. It's a place where you can't pull it back any further. It just locks in place when the arrow is fully drawn. And then you just release it. The release is hard. That's the thing I think to not have it smack against your arm. It's just a form issue. Once you learn how to do it with the right form.

To let go fast. No, it's where you're standing. If you're standing like this, like totally sideways, the string is going to hit your arm. You're supposed to open up more. So you're drawn back like this. Gotcha. So there's space. So the arrow, it's very rarely does your forearm get hit by a string.

It's super rare with someone who fires a bow a lot. Knows how to do it. Yeah, but like those old-timey dudes, I mean, they're just firing arrows in the middle of fucking war and shit. And that's why they have those big bands across their forearm to protect themselves from the strings. Yeah. And they had like crazy powerful bows that you got to be a beast to pull back. Like the Mongols, their bow was 160 pounds to pull back. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. Those people must have been so powerful, man. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. And then just shooting these steel tipped wooden arrows into people's bodies. But with like a compound bow like the one you use, you're pulling back...

84 pounds. 84 pounds, but it feels like what, like 10? No, it feels like 84 pounds until about right here. And the cams roll over. They have these mechanical cams that give you this mechanical advantage. And as the cams pull over, boom. Then it gives you a big let-off.

Then the let-off is probably somewhere around, I'd have to find out. It can be as high as like 85% to 90% let off though. Wow. So you're only holding like 20-ish. It's a pulley system basically. Exactly. At some point, like just the pulley does the work. Yeah.

And then it's about trying to achieve a surprise shot. Then everything, once you're at full draw and fully locked in, and you have proper form, and you're aiming at the target, then it's about you're using a release aid with a compound bow. It's not like you're letting go with your fingers like you would with a traditional bow. You have a handle in your hand or on your wrist.

And you get to a certain point, and then you lock on it. And then you just start pulling back with your finger touching the trigger. So you don't activate the trigger by pulling your finger. put your finger on the trigger and you activate it with your back So that you can't flinch you can't let go yeah, you can't freaking figure out It's like you keep pulling and then it automatically releases. Yeah, well There's a thing that we have called impact bracing like we brace for impact That's why if you see somebody like if they have a round in their gun

And it's a blank they go to hit it or it's a dummy round where it doesn't go off. But you see them go like that as they pull the trigger. They have a bad trigger pull. And they have to – one of the things they do in training – like if you ever watch Tim Kennedy, this guy who fought in the UFC, he has a bunch of training video footage. He's a Navy SEAL, ranger, psychopath. My cousin actually is like a huge – he's like a competitive shooter. And he has like a crazy Instagram following and he's like, you know, he can like quick draw and like all that stuff.

I've watched tons of his stuff and he's just like, he's a beast, you know. And he does like, you know, he does. Those drills. The drills. Yeah. He does like stuff for like, you're like carrying a body and then like, you know, like obstacle courses with guns and all that stuff. It's pretty amazing. Google whether, what was Kennedy's,

I know he's a ranger. I'm pretty sure. Find out what else did. But he's got a bunch of videos of him shooting on the range. And he's actually active military again, which is crazy. Quit the UFC,

went back into the military. He, when he's pulling, he's like, and then he goes click because he got a dummy round. And he's like, there's no movement. There's goes, click, because he's got a dummy around. And he's like, oh. But there's no difference.

There's no movement. There's no movement. And that's what he wants to train for. Yeah. He wants to train for that perfect ability to execute, especially. 100% of the time. In a combat situation. Of course.

Yeah. Yeah, like, the other things they have are, like, those, you know, that movie thing where you're, like, I guess you have that with a bow. I have that, yeah, same thing. But you can do it with guns. Simulated scenarios. Yeah, like, you're, like, in a house, and a dude's got have it, yeah, same thing. You can do it with guns. Simulated scenarios. Yeah, like you're in a house, and a dude's got a gun to a lady's head. How do they do that?

Do they have a wall that they shoot against? I think they have a wall they shoot against, and they just put new paper up. A projection on the wall. Oh, okay. So it's like a target paper, I think, is how it's done. What's this, Jamie? Tim Kennedy's thing? Just go to his Wikipedia page.

It'll tell you what his credentials are. Go to his wiki. Go to all. Son of a bitch. What are you doing? Show me videos. He's hunting for Hitler right now. Is he? Tim Kennedy is. He's on that show. Hunting for Hitler. What is that? What are they looking for? There's a conspiracy theory that

Hitler left and moved to South America. Let me see what it says there, Jamie. Yeah. Special forces. He it says there, Jamie. Yeah. Special forces. He'd be dead by now. Isn't it like surmised on the side there? What does it say? There it goes.

Sergeant First Class, Special Forces, Texas Army National Guard. Jesus Christ. Both Iraq and Afghanistan. Yeah, he's an animal. Yeah. So seven Special Forces group. He's a special dude, and he's a fucking animal. Both Iraq and Afghanistan. Yeah, he's an animal. Yeah. So seven special forces group. He's a special dude. And he's a very inspirational guy.

He watches YouTube. He's like every day doing rows and fucking crazy workout. Awesome. Getting after it. And he's like, oof. Yeah. You realize how lazy you are with so many people now. Oh, my God.

I've never been exposed. I realize that with you, too, man. I watch your shit. I'm like, oh. I realize it from them. That's why I do it. Yeah. That's what's made me so fucking psychopathic.

Yeah. That and my goddamn dog. My dog loves, like, he was always scared of getting in the car. Now he jumps into the car, because he knows if we get in the car, it means we're going to go run. Mm-hmm. So we drive down to the trail, and he gets out. He's like, fuck, yeah!

He loves it. And he just takes off. Yeah. So I have to keep up with him. So I'm getting this great workout at least three days a week. So how far are you running? Two miles. But off-road running, like trail running.

It's ridiculous shit. It's hard. It's hard, yeah. Today I did it with a different pair of shoes. Most of the time I do it with those five-finger barefoot shoes. You do? You like running those? Did you read that guy's book, that barefoot running book?

No, I did not, but I heard about it, and that was all I needed to know. I'm one of those people. I don't even bother researching it. The way he lands on his ball of your foot, right? Well, I got it from Mark Sisson. Mark Sisson, who's the author of The Primal Blueprint, really interesting guy. He's basically said that shoes are like a cast

and that the problem with those five-finger shoes is they had said a bunch of things that's going to prevent injuries, and they actually had a class-action lawsuit against them because a bunch of people got hurt. It'll prevent injuries eventually, but if you go too hard initially, your feet are not in condition. Right. Dude, I was stunned how weak my feet are when I started doing two- I've done martial arts like most of my life, so I've always been doing things barefoot, but I had bitch ass

feet and I didn't realize it until I didn't realize it until I started doing yoga. Yoga taught me how weak my feet were. Like I would be in these positions and my feet would give out before anything. That's interesting. Like cramp up. Yeah, it would cramp up. And also I've basically had flat feet my whole life over the last year and a half of running with these barefoot shoes on. Now have an arch Wow dude I didn't like mold is your foot into a to an arch my foot was just weak I think the whole thing was the whole structure was weak and my legs were strong because my legs are used to lifting things but they're always used to doing it with shoes on right now that I do all that hill running with like basically it's it's the only thing that sucks is like sharp rocks like when you have to run over like little rocks you feel it yeah they're going right in your

fucking foot but it's isn't the concept of that too is like you're running on the balls of your feet but you're also sort of like falling forward like you're using the momentum of gravity to carry you between each yeah so you're not doing as much impact well you change your stance right if you're running forward on the ball your feet because if you're running forward on the ball of your feet. Because if you're running backwards on the heels, you're leaning back more. As you're going forward, you just have to change your gait. And you change it into a leaning forward gait. But it seems so much more natural. Yeah, it took a while to get it down, though, right?

It's fucking hard, yeah. Especially because it's just weird. Because it's not the way you normally run. I tried doing it. Because that guy came on The Daily Show years ago and talked about it. I tried doing it. But after a while, you just start going, I don doing it. Because that guy came on the Daily Show years ago and talked about it. I tried doing it. But after a while, you just start going, I don't know. It's like changing your form.

You're changing your form on something you're just so used to doing. It's hard to do that. Right, but it's the only way to do it. It really is the only way to run. Those other ways are like the way that they developed for that thick-heeled running shoe way where you're landing on heel first. Air max or whatever. It's terrible for your knees. Your knees aren't mechanically designed that way.

And they think that's one of the reasons why a lot of people who wear those kind of shoes develop knee problems, whereas a lot of the people in that book, which are running completely on the ball of their foot. A lot of them are wearing soles that they made out of tires, strapped into some sort of a sandal. Yeah, and they're running like... Yeah. Those guys run hundreds of miles.

They're crazy shit. In the mountains. Yeah, it's pretty running like, those guys run like hundreds of miles. Like they're like in the mountains. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. You develop a toughness in your feet for sure. Mine aren't there at all. Like I'm a bitch. Like on the way down especially, because I'm going down deep into this canyon and I'm running back up and out.

And when I'm going, there's some ups at the end of it too. And it's almost like a bowl. But when I get to the sharp spots on the way down, it's hard because you feel like, ah, ooh, ah. And you know it's coming, too. But I feel like if I just keep doing it, eventually my feet will toughen up. But for sure, they've gotten stronger.

They've gotten way stronger. They feel different. It sounds so stupid. I'm listening to myself. I know it sounds stupid. But when I'm walking around, my feet feel different. Like they're feeling the ground more. They used to be just like, well, here's like well here's like activated muscles in them that you had

an activated exactly that makes sense it does like any other body part you know which we don't think about it though when do you ever think about strengthening your feet never but it's like anytime you strengthen like a secondary muscle or something like oh yeah that's why my posture was so bad you know it was like you know whatever it's like there's always some you know some other thing to work on it just makes me think too for like just physical movement like how often do you need the power of your feet like how often are you pushing off of something or lifting something up and using your feet it's kind of amazing that we never take any consideration

the actual strength of our feet yeah i had i worked out with this guy for a little while uh and he showed me these like like rubber balls that you can roll your feet on like uh to to uh engage the muscles oh yeah yeah and like i there were parts where like i would hit a part of my foot and the pain was like because it was just like a sore muscle from walking you know like and it's just likeaging it out, but like parts of your body that you're just not like engaging and you just roll your foot on it and then you find the places that need to be like rolled out and fuck man, like it hurts. Like you're going between each toe and like, you know, that area here and it's like, it's fucking painful because your feet are just, you know, doing what they're doing all day

and you're not really paying attention. Not at all. You just put them in the shoes and fuck it. Lace them up and don't think about them. You only think about them when they're hurt. God damn it, I got an ingrown toenail. And then you get pissed off. Yeah.

Fucking stupid feet. Fucking feet. Always getting in my way. People that carry you around all day, you don't give a shit. Fuck you. It's crazy. Yeah. Well, it's just apparently, according to Sisson, and it really makes sense, that your foot, the strength of your foot just atrophies if you just stuff it into a shoe because it has this hard surface where you're not really feeling the ground.

There's all this cushioning, so your foot doesn't, it's not like giving in in the natural way of ball the foot first, resist with the center of the foot and the arch, and then eventually drop down to the heel. It's not doing that. It's just getting this cushiony, cushiony slop. It's a sloppy ass foot. It's inside. It's barely working. It's weird. Yeah.

It's weird when you think about it that way. Yeah. You know, because that's not how your foot was designed. Your foot was designed for a very specific method of moving around. And we just changed that. We're like, nah, fuck you nature. Well, I get like that sometimes with my hands. Like a lot of times I'll do stuff and I'm like,

I'm not going to put like work gloves on for this or whatever. Cause it's like, cause there's a party that's like, yeah, maybe I'll get like a splinter, but like, aren't you supposed to get some split? Like,

aren't you supposed to like, like have the ability to like, just use your hands the way they came, you know, for some things, for some things, you know, it's good to,

it's also like a dexterity thing. Like it's good to be able to like get in somewhere and screw a, a nut on something, you know? It's good to... It's also, like, a dexterity thing. Like, it's good to be able to, like, get in somewhere and screw a nut on something. You know, that kind of stuff where it's, like, there's, like, a tactile... And I feel like if you don't do that kind of stuff with your hands, they get kind of the same thing. Like, you lose your, like, dexterity and you lose your ability to, like, touch something that's rough and not go, like, ow! You know?

Right. Have you ever, like, seen the hands of a really good carpenter? Yeah. I mean, those guys are just... And my uncle mean, those guys are just grabbing shit all the time. His hands are like fucking sawn and everything is just always using their hands. And the speed at which they can, like, pop up a thing and pop a nail in. Oh, yeah. I actually got my uncle for christmas this year uh a a

magnetic wristband that you can put all your like screws and stuff on you have to keep them in your mouth and he's like he just keeps sending me photos of him building stuff with this wristband full of like screws and like and nails and he's like i love these things you know that's hilarious yeah it's so funny you know people who like actually are actively fixing things and doing things like dude i think we did like three and a half hours. Yeah, I don't know. What time is it? Is it 4.15?

This is a ridiculously long podcast. Wow. Shit, it is 4.15. So easy to do a podcast with you, Rory. I do, and I love talking to you, man. So much fun, man. It's so fun. I know.

So keep us posted on when your video is going to release, and we'd be happy to promote it. If you would, that'd be huge for me, man. I'll put it on Twitter and Instagram. We'll talk about it on the podcast. Dude, that'd be huge for me, man. I'll put it on Twitter and Instagram. We'll talk about it on the podcast. Dude, that'd be huge for me. Let everybody know. What's the name of it so you can look forward to it? I haven't named it yet.

Oh, I like it. I'm thinking about calling it Free Hour. That's a great name. Can I plug a couple kicks? Yeah, for sure. I'm going to be in Rhode Island the weekend of the 9th of March at Comedy Connection in Rhode Island, Providence, Rhode Island. That's the Bank Vault joint. Yeah, it's a really good club.

Yeah, that's a great club. And then I'm at their other club, Cabot Comedy, that weekend in Massachusetts, Chickapee, Mass., on Sunday. And then I'm at Ho-Chunk Casino in Wisconsin. Oh, shit. On the 21st, and then the 29th through the 31st of March, I'm at Comedy Works Denver. The best. The fucking best club ever. And then I'm going to co-host New York in April if anyone knows where that is. Glorious. And website?

RoryAlbanese.com Twitter. RoryAlbanese and everything. I just got on Vero, by the way. I just got on Vero, too, but I heard we're not supposed to. Jamie says we might not be supposed to. Really? I don't know. I can't keep up. I don't have the fucking energy. I'll see you, fuckers. Bye. Thanks, R you fuckers. Bye.

Thanks, Roy.