The Joe Rogan Experience - #1126 - Erik Griffin

Episode Date: June 4, 2018

Erik Griffin is a stand-up comedian, writer and actor. His new special "AmERIKan Warrior" premieres on June 8 on Showtime, and he can be also be seen in the Showtime show "I'm Dying Up Here."

You don't want them to know. Boom! And we're live, Eric Griffin. So we were talking before this podcast how you mix it up with the Android watch, but the Apple phone. I was very curious. Well, see, I used to be all Samsung. I loved the Android, and the watch is great.

I love how it interacts. But then I get a girlfriend who has an iPhone, and she's like, I want to FaceTime with you. So why don't you tell her to get Skypepe yeah skype app you're married you understand like you can't anyway i got i set standards well hey i'm not the standard standard guy line is in the sand so then i but then they have like a app they had this app on the apple now called gear which lets you hook up your phone but you can't really interact with it. You can't talk or anything, but it's actually kind of nice.

You just want to know stuff's going on. Yeah, we were saying it's probably better that you can't interact with it. Because Jamie was telling me that you could do walkie-talkie with your iPhones now. Yeah, that's still being announced right now, so I don't know all the details,

but the Worldwide Developers Conference is going on, the WWDC. So they're announcing the new operating system, the new Apple Watch, and the new automatic workout detection, walkie-talkie mode, and something else is going on. There's just too much. I have an Apple Watch, too. I love it. You can leave it at me.

At least sometimes I leave my phone. I don't bring my phone with me. Yeah? Because you can... Do you feel weird when you do that? Yeah. Because here's what's happening now, though. Okay. If I have my feel weird when you do that? Yeah. You're a rebel? Here's what's happening now, though.

Okay. If I have my watch. When you look at your watch, what is that cue? The cue is like, you want to go, or you're missing out on something, or I don't have any. No. Now, when you do that, it's just because you're looking at a text message. So now it's just as rude as. Yeah.

We're not. This isn't helping. No. It's not helping when I go. If I'm looking, and you were talking talking and I go like this, I look down and you think, hey, did you have to go someplace? Yeah. No, no, I just got a text.

It's too much, right? Yeah, it's got a tweet. I got a retweet I'm looking at. You know, that's what it is. Yeah, what are we doing? What are we doing? I have no idea. And you know what's really weird about all this stuff, the phones and how we talk?

Everybody wants to text. Like, you can't get people to call you. Right. You can't get people to, and now they're putting little emojis. Right. Right. And then from the emoji, now they're putting little emojis Right right and then from the mode now they're putting like gifts of real people. So this is how I feel so We're going in a circle because we want human interaction. We want connection. We want to see people So now we're putting they're putting a celebrity up like this is how I feel today Why don't you put how you feel feel today? Right. Not Chris Pratt throwing a garbage can or something. This is my mood.

So we're slowly getting back to where it's going to be. We're going to actually be talking to a real person. You think so? Yeah. It's going to come all the way around? I think it's going to come all the way around. What is this, Jamie? This is the new thing they showed.

It's you're making an emoji of yourself called Memoji. They already did that with Samsung. This is like it's working's working and they're ripping them off this is what they're working together or something this is what i'm saying though we're searching we're trying to find ways to be more ourselves you don't need an emoji of yourself just do be yourself sorry they're going against each other oh it takes on takes on Samsung AR emoji. Yeah, they ripped off the idea. Cheap fucks. Isn't that funny? Apple's always late.

Apple's ripping people off. No, they were first with the iPhone. The iPhone was the first of these kind of things. The first iPhone. But Androids are real close now. They're real close. I mean, it's very debatable. But everything after that, they were late.

Really? Like on an Android, you could copy and paste on an Android. Oh, you could do that? Two, three years before you could do it on an Apple. So you've always been an Android guy? Yeah, I've always been an Android guy. Just get another Android. I know.

Tell your girlfriend. I know. I'm the man. You get an Android. You get it. Yeah. You get an Android. We'll Skype it.

It'll be me buying her an Android. Is there anything native to Android? Like the FaceTime thing? Is there something that's on the right away? No, they do. They have their own version of that. But I don't think people really use it. They have their own Samsung video.

Oh, but Samsung has one. But what if you have, say, a Google Pixel phone? Yeah, they might have. But I don't think enough people have a Google Pixel phone to make that even a thing. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought those were really popular. Are they?

Who do you know? Give me one person you know that has a Google Pixel. Damn, that's a good call. Me. I have one. You do not have a Google Pixel. I do have one. I don't use it.

Okay, so you were given a Google Pixel. No, I bought one. Why? Because I wanted to try it out. But here's what happened. I couldn't get text messages to work. This is the scam because you are hooked up to this

what are you showing me, Jamie? They do have it. It's with the Pixel 2 or something. Oh, Android video calling. Google simplifies Android video calling. Oh, look at that. So does that only work with Android? Android to Android? Yeah, probably. Okay.

I don't know why they don't just work together. Why doesn't Apple and Google just work together? Well, they don't work together with text messages. See, this is my point. This is really annoying. The iMessage thing is what fucked me because everybody knew that I had an iPhone, so they would send me, because they have an iPhone, they would send me an iMessage. And so I was sending people text messages. They're like, I'm not getting it. I'm like, send me, because they have an iPhone, they would send me an iMessage. And so I was sending people text messages.

They're like, I'm not getting it. I'm like, send me one. And they would send me one, and I wouldn't get it. And so then I went online and looked it up, and it said, you have to disable iMessage. Okay, so I disable iMessage. Then you have to call up, you have to actually call up someone. I'm done at that point.

Yeah, at that point. You have to call up someone and tell them to take your email address off of the iMessage database. Okay. So I do that. And I say, take this email address. Why are you doing that, sir? Because I switched over to an Android phone that's like,

pause. Like, I just fucking killed the queen. Like, it's like, come on. You heard an alarm go off? I'm one of millions of fucking people out there. You don't know anything about me. Why do you care? Why would you give a fuck? But they literally, the guy on the phone felt bad that I was switching over.

So then it still wouldn't work. I mean, it didn't work for a day. I'd get like one out of three text messages. And it all happened while I was on vacation. I just figured I'm going to try this phone while I'm on vacation. Fuck around, but you can't. They got you roped in with that goddamn iMessage shit. Yeah, that's

Apple's thing. They make it free no matter where you are in the world and all that. A lot of people have Apple. I think Samsung has taken over in terms of for Android. I love the Samsung phones. They make good phones. They make great phones. The difference between the Androids, though, is that Samsung

does not update their software very often. They update security patches because they don't need to. But Google Pixel phones get the latest software right when it gets released. And so, like, when Oreo comes out and 8.1, all these different operating

systems come out, they're better, supposedly. Yeah, for how long? A week? I mean, no, it takes a long time before they come out on Samsung phones. Long time. Like six months sometimes. Oh, really? Yeah, it takes a long time.

Well, there you go. You heard the breaking news right here. Well, maybe that's what the problem was. Yeah, but also, Samsung puts their own shit over Android, and the real Android dorks want pure Android. And pure Android you really only get with the Pixel. Unless you can, are you, do you know about, how do you

do, like, can you hack them? You can hack them, right? Yeah, like how you use, what do they call it, like you jailbreak your iPhone and all that kind of stuff. They've made that just common now. Because it used to be like, they would lock it down where, let's say you had Verizon, so you could only use this phone on Verizon with Verizon stuff,

and then you would jailbreak it, and then you could open it up to all these other types of apps. They would stop being greedy fucks. Just stop being so greedy. Let me use my phone however I want. I'm still going to be on your system. I'm still paying your $200 a month for your stupid phone service and but you i can't do a little a little extra a little extra just a little extra a little extra don't get me

started on this i'm getting you started i know i just motherfuckers and i can't believe the shit we have to deal with eric griffin it. That is weird, though, man. It's weird there's only two. That's also weird. There's only like two operating systems, and they're competing side to side. But that's how we are in our country. We can only, Republican or Democrat, Apple or Android.

You remember Windows Phone? Windows Phone wasn't bad. It wasn't that bad. I had a friend who had a Windows phone i was like oh this is kind of cool it had tiles it was like windows 10 you know how windows 10 looks with tiles that's like a came and went nobody cares about that and went look at you yeah it's just like i can't i can't deal with i don't want to hear what you're everybody's trying to get into the phone game right it's like what's crazy is how many people have windows computers it's amazing

that windows had a phone and people are like, nah. Yeah, because they know all the problems they had with their computer. Yeah. I stopped. I can't even remember the last time I had a Windows computer. I strictly went Apple because it's just so easy to use. Right. And it's still not easy to use.

You know what's not easy, though? Apple does not have to use. You know what's not easy though? Apple does not have good keyboards. Like if you have a desktop keyboard at home and you can add a second keyboard, you know, like buy a mechanical keyboard. Oh, right. If you're a writer, if you like to write, the problem with Apple keyboards is there's no key travel. It's very, very shallow. So it's like just a tiny movement. Click, click, click, click, click. What I use is I use a ThinkPad. And then one of the reasons why I use a ThinkPad is there's, like, travel to these keys. Oh.

Like, these keys have motion to them. Okay. Like, if you. You're old school. Yeah. Well, the thing is you feel where the keys are. You feel. Like, so as you're typing, I can just look at the the screen and i don't have to look down at the

keyboard and they depress with your fingers like you you have there's motion to it so there's no accidental pressing of the keys did you take typing in high school yes i don't remember any of it though yeah me too i might have my high school year was the last year that they had typing at my school really yeah i remember last year They were saying like this is no longer because they had a computer class that they were starting. I just thought, damn. I look back on those things and I just go, wow. How times have changed.

Our generation is this generation that is like, we went through the first of all of these things. I had a Commodore 64. Did you? Yes. I remember the first Apple laptop. I remember when Commodore 64. Did you? Yes. I remember the first Apple laptop. I remember when game systems changed and color TV

and call waiting. All the things that... Answering machines. Answering machines. No more answering machines. Could you even buy an answering machine today? 9-7-6 numbers. All of that stuff was like... Your sex lines? Yeah. You could call like, like all, all of that stuff was like sex lines.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can call like, Oh God, I got in trouble one time. Like, thank God I was calling a Christmas.

I was going to call a Christmas one first. And then I was going to call a sex one. And then I called the Christmas one first. And then my mom picks up the other line and I hang up. And then my mom's like, Erica, are you talking to Santa Claus? Oh shit.

How old were you at the time? I was like, I don't know like 13 or something like that you know like just getting into your you know so like even just even how we find porn is different now like yeah you know it's so like when i'm like i'm thinking about you talking about this keyboard it still has a little bit of old school to it it has an old school feel to what you're saying you know you still have a anytime somebody's using windows i know it's like oh they're connected to the past still well i just switched over to it recently when i i fucked around with a thinkpad one day and i was like wow this keyboard is so much better because i have a macbook too one of

the new macbook pros you just you just can't handle use that it's not good yeah it's just not a good keyboard it's shit it's it's not just bad it's shit it's shit. It's not just bad. It's shit. It's shit. And there's no options. Like, if you want a laptop, they don't give you options for keyboards. Yeah, you can't customize the... No, and you can't get a different one. Like, if you want Windows, you can get an Asus. You can get a Lenovo.

There's a shit ton. You can get a Dell. Well, your desktop, though. I have an iMac. You can hook up. Sure. Yeah, with a desktop. But the problem is, most of my shit I go on the, oh, third class action lawsuit over MacBook Pro keyboard alleges fraudulent concealment. This guy's a research king right here.

But look at that keyboard. Look how fucking shallow those keys are. That's bullshit. Well, it's to keep it thin, man. But it doesn't matter. That's bad for a writer. If you're a writer, that's a shitty design. Remember how thick they were? were yeah but make it a little thicker jesus christ who gives a fuck if it's a extra half a millimeter if you have good keyboard feel i mean it depends on what you're doing if you're the type of person just writes an email every now and then but i fucking write

i need a keyboard i feel you i need it so i sometimes i could take a beating too yeah i still fuck around with that when i you you know, I still have it. So I fuck around with that if I travel, if I go online, if I'm just web surfing. It's fine for that. But it sucks a fat one when it deals with, did you get a text message? Yeah, I'm already getting, like, you know, messages about this. You know what I mean? It's just coming to the phone. My phone's going to, like... The only time my phone

has blown up like this before is when Justin Bieber posted a picture with him. And you? Yeah. On his Instagram. And then my phone was shaking. Shaking.

For a month straight. Just from the notifications? I turn on the notifications. I say, you guys, nobody believe me. Let me turn on the notifications. And I put it down like this and it's just...

Like I'm talking about... Thousands of notifications. That guy could topple notifications. And I put it down like this, and it's just... Like, I'm talking about... Thousands of notifications. That guy could topple a government if he really wanted to, like... If he got political. Right. That's a problem. I mean, that's what we're dealing with with Trump. A famous person who becomes the president.

I mean, this little kid is only 24, right? What the fuck happened? Is he even 24? Yeah, he just turned 24, yeah. Okay. Jamie's hating. Jamie's hating. No, he's not. He's actually a good kid. You Yeah, he just turned 24, yeah. Okay. Jamie's hating. Jamie's hating.

No, he's not. He's actually a good kid. He really is. If I gave you $100 million and no parental supervision, you'd do some dumb shit, too. You'd do way worse. Listen, right now, I would do a lot of dumb shit if you gave me $100 million. Yeah. Just out of nowhere.

Out of nowhere. Yeah. He's done well. For what he is, the kind of fame that that guy possesses, he's off the charts famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then so was Trump. Trump was super famous. Super, super famous.

Yeah. This is why we can't get rid of the electoral college, though, by the way. Not to get political, but- It does help, but I mean, did he rig that? I mean, he didn't rig it, but played the game well. But you can't have a popularity contest. But it is a popularity contest, no matter what, even with the electoral college. You just have to be popular in Iowa, popular in Ohio, and know how to do that.

Just go over there and talk about Muslims. Shake your fist. Why don't we, I still don't understand why we don't just have online voting. Absolutely. Or with their phone. You have to have a phone and then you register your phone so that imie number that your phone has is is strictly for you yeah you they they already have uh what do you call it like facial recognition software uh you could their phones

have fingerprint so there's like three different ways to like register and then you'll get everyone's vote i always say vote should be like Columbia DVD house. Remember Columbia DVDs? Oh, they would just send them. They planned on just giving it to you for free. So if you're a Republican, right, then your vote goes to the Republican until you go, I don't want this Republican. I wonder what the numbers of people that, people don't know what we're talking about

with Columbia DVD because we're old, but back in the day, you would sign up for cassette tapes, and they would send you a bunch of cassettes. You'd pick what you like. It was a book club, too. Book club. Yeah, that, too. They would send them to you, but it was only like a dollar, and you would get 15 cassettes.

You'd get Aerosmith. Is it still around? They still got it. Yeah, it's still on. Get the fuck out of here. No, but check it out. They finally made it so they don't just send it automatically because people were quitting the service. Yeah.

But they would just send you, so you would pay and you had like, say, three days and if you didn't send it back, they would charge you the $9. Right. So that's what I'm saying about voting. This is how we should vote. $35? Like that page right there he's showing us should be like all your candidates for Democrat

and if you don't, you have three days to pick. And if you don't pick, your vote goes to them. That's how they should do it. Show me what you just showed me. What are you doing? What did you show me? Click on the details. What does it say?

It says it's $35 for like two or something like that. Okay. Free shipping is only eligible for orders of two or more DVDs with a subtotal of $35. Pre-orders are not eligible for free shipping. I don't know. Okay. So they say it's free shipping, but it eligible for free shipping. Okay, so they say it's free shipping, but it's not free shipping? Is that what they're doing?

And they say it's $9.95 each, but that's more than $35. Look at that. Free shipping on two plus DVDs, but the DVDs are $9.95. So two plus is what? Four, because it has to be more than $35. You fucking crooks. They're all crooks

the record companies are so gross dude i've been talking to people i had steven tyler in here was explaining what happens now with streaming services that was great by the way oh thank you he's great right yes he's a trip fascinating fascinating i mean you want to talk about a guy who's seen it all i'm never surprised when someone like that, with that type of personality, I'm not surprised that you see the kind of life and career he's had. Yeah. Those people aren't, they're a notch above the norm. Yeah, he's definitely a notch above the norm.

He's a super sweet guy, too. Nice to everybody. Just all hugging everybody and real friendly. Well, he's already had his time of being like, I'm sure there was a time in his life where he was a super dick. You think so? Come on, dude. Some guys hang on, dude. You don't get that famous.

You don't get that famous at the time when people are treating you like just a god, you know, everywhere he went. I mean, Rockstar. That was the pinnacle. Rockstar, A-list actor, professional athlete. That's the order. But do you think they have to be dicks?

No, no, no. Or do you think they become dicks just because, here's my theory about that, is that the fame, that level of fame is overwhelming. People are grabbing at you all the time, so you just develop this dicky thing just to keep people the fuck away from you. Yes. If you get to that, I would imagine that Michael Jordan or even Bieber. There's a level where you can't go anywhere.

Listen, I've been around Bieber. Yeah, what's it like? He's not an, I don't, he's never alone. He's always got somebody there. I don't think he trusts anyone. And that level of fame where you're just also used to, you know, hey, get me a water. Get the car.

I want to go here. When you get used to it get me a water. Get the car. I want to go here. When you get used to it, that becomes normal. Just telling people. Just telling people what to do becomes normal. Listen, dude, I was at a party, and he was there, and he's like playing his music for his new album. And he just looks at me, and he says, hey, can you get me a vodka? He says, give me a vodka thing.

And then I went. I was like, oh, okay. You know what? vodka he says give me a vodka thing and then i went i was like oh okay you know like i was so mad at myself because i'm over here like i gotta get back you know excuse me just gonna use a vodka just get everybody got the way i gotta get this vodka for just real time yeah and then i when i gave it to him i thought i should have said no i thought yeah i just said bitch get your fucking i'm 40 some years old what the fuck are you doing playing piano you know out of here dude same thing i was

at the laugh factory and he was there he was watching and then scooter who's a buddy of mine scooter braun you know scooter comes down you know and he says hey yeah erica justin would like to see you and i and i at first i was like And at first I was like, you don't summon me. But of course I was like, all right, let's go. I went and then I saw him, too. And I was like, I realized, because I'm a nerd this way. I mean, I'm a fan of all types of music. So I think the kid's dynamic.

He's very talented. I don't think it's a surprise that he's this famous. You know what I mean? People get on him. Just by the way in defense of bieber real fast you can't tell somebody they're great since they're eight years old right you can't eight years old you're great you're great and when he's nine you're great when he's 10 you're great when he's 11 you're great think about that then at 13 is probably when he first went, well, am I? Yeah. You know? And then 15, he was like, I'm not great. I am great. At 18, I'm fucking great. And then when he finally says it, then that's when everybody goes, whoa, bro.

Tone it down. It's too late. The monster's already been let loose. Well, he's already mature, right? He's already become an actual adult. And he probably has no cum left in his body at any given time he's just he's shooting loads all day long it's just recovery time for him he's got if he tweeted I need some pussy tonight

oh it's out of control it would be like American Idol auditions it would be crazy than that if you've seen seen that Guatemalan volcano eruption? Have you seen that? Where people are running from the smog? It's fucking crazy. It would be girls, guys. It would be like that much pussy coming down the mountain headed towards you. That Guatemala eruption is fucking scary, man.

There's nothing like that in comedy other than Chris D'Elia. Yeah, he's close. He's close. But even that, look at this, man. There's nothing like that in comedy other than Chris D'Elia. Yeah, he's close. He's close. But even that, look at this, Guatemala, most violent eruption in more than 100 years. 25 people already dead. Oh, shit. I think it just happened yesterday. It's fucking crazy, man.

Dozens of people have died after erupted. Yeah, Sunday. The earth is getting back at us. Dude, that's two, right? Hawaii and this one. I mean, we got gotta be real fucking careful. I'm surprised New Zealand hasn't had a couple of eruptions. Oh, do they have like a live volcano

in New Zealand? I just know they, I think, can you fact check this, but I think New Zealand has the most volcanoes in the world. What? Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. I was just there. You know, you go on one of those tours and they're like, you know. What'd you do over there? Well, I went to the Cook Islands. Ooh, Captain Cook Islands?

Yeah, the Cook Islands, man. Where the pirates showed up? Beautiful vacation. And there's no Americans, which is what I love. I can't stand going someplace and it's just all American. Like, I don't go to Ensenada. What's Ensenada, Mexico? You might as well go to Venice Beach.

Right, right. I don't want to be around the same thing. That's how Maui is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like going to Hawaii either. Maui is basically Beverly Hills. Yeah. Beverly Hills got in a jet.

With water. Yeah. Volcano map of New Zealand. Jesus Christ. Yeah, see? Oh, it's fucking volcanoes. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 volcanoes. Is that right?

Yeah, look, you can't lie on this show, because this guy's going to fact check you right away. Yeah. God, that is insane. But I'm telling you right now, beautiful vacation. Oh, I bet. I didn't like actually like New Zealand. Like I went to Auckland. I thought I'm driving around downtown LA or like Seattle or something.

I didn't like the city. I'm not a city guy. I like this kind of shit. I like outdoors, nature, beaches. Yeah, well, the nature there is stunning. I want to look out my hotel window, the sliding door, and there's sand. And then the water is right there. Or mountains.

Yeah, exactly. Something. Rainforest. Yeah, something. Something that's different from this urban jungle that we live in all the time. You ever been to Costa Rica? I have been to Costa Rica. Oh, God went to costa rica with my girlfriend uh we just started to get together and it was it was good and bad to get together yeah we were costa rica yeah well i mean

we were i mean it was it was it was too soon how long were you guys dating it was too it was too soon i thought maybe we like four or five months you know but it was like christmas time and i'm with her i'm like let me make this special so we go to costa months, you know. But it was like Christmas time, and I'm with her. I'm like, let me make this special. So we go to Costa Rica. You know, I do it up. And she went Christmas with you, not the family. Yeah, well, she's Jewish, so. Oh, there you go.

There you go. So, you know, they're all monsters. How dare you? You've got to be careful with that kind of talk in this day and age. There it is. That's it. That's my career is over. No, I'm just teasing.

My girlfriend's Jewish. She has a beautiful family. So she was like, well, I don't care about Christmas anyway, so That's it. That's my career is over. No, I'm just teasing. My girlfriend's Jewish. She has a beautiful family. So she was like, I don't care about Christmas anyway, so let's go. But I don't go see my mom who moved to, my parents just moved to Malaga. Where's that? In Spain. Oh, Jesus. They moved to like the southern tip of Spain.

They went on a cruise one day, stopped in Malaga, and then my mom's like, we got to come back here. Cost of living is so low. They're living like kings over there. A great two-bedroom condo with a Malibu-type view, 600 euro a month. What? Yeah, dude. I'm telling you right now.

That's crazy. You got to look up the cost of living in Spain. It's crazy. A lot of people from Britain, they retire in Spain because their money goes a lot further. Oh, I've heard that. I've heard that people go there to avoid taxes from France. Yeah, it's a lot of stuff, man. So I take so we go to Costa Rica and it was fine.

It was great. It was one of these resorts where like you could get room service 24 hours. Right. Order what you want. It's all covered in the thing. But I got sick, Joe. Oh, no. Diarrhea sick or what kind of sick? It was every hole in my body something was coming out of it.

Okay. And then I was tropical. I was in bed. I was telling her, I said, I don't, I don't feel good. And I made, and as a comic, I'm making it, I made a joke at her that she didn't appreciate. She was mad at me about this joke. So, and I'm also telling her like, look, I'm, I'm feeling well. And then it happened.

I get up and I, I had to vomit. And then there was nothing. I vomited my hands. I run to the bathroom. And then, and then it I vomited my hands. I run to the bathroom. And then it's just like, it's coming out of both holes. Like just, you know. And this is going on for all night. I'm just, I'm dead.

And the way she was acting, oh my God. How was she acting? She was like, you're ruining the trail. Whoa. So at the time I was like, ooh. But we weren't as close as we are now. We've since resolved the issue. But at the time I was like ooh but we weren't as close as we are now we've since resolved the issue

but at the time I was like I can't be with somebody that's not gonna right she ordered room service while I was sick while you were sick

wow she was already writing it off yeah she was like well I'm gonna go ahead and get I'm gonna have a

fucking cheeseburger then that was making me more sick the food smell so I'm outsideburger then that was making me more sick the food smell so i'm so i'm outside but then she was like i was mad at you for your jokes and like you know i always i always tell her she goes she said to me one day you know my brothers they used to tease me all the time when i was growing up then i said then why'd you get with a comic yeah something's going

on you know how we say we get with our mother you know you know whatever the qualities are so i think whatever whatever you're close to in your life so she's accustomed to people giving her a hard time you know she didn't like it she yeah went with you so i'm i'm we're trying to balance it out you know this gotta be compromised you gotta meet you know what i mean if she's here and you're here you gotta go like this ever is when you just start dating someone and you go on a vacation with them and it goes sour and you're stuck with them for like five days in some spot. And it usually happens, by the way, on the plane ride over.

There's something that happens on the plane where you're like, oh, I don't like you. And we're going to be on this plane for six more hours. And then you know you're going to get to this hotel. I mean, that's why you have to be compatible with somebody before you travel. Like way compatible. Oh, yeah. You have to make sure. Even things like I want to go out and do things.

Maybe if you're an outdoorsy person and you want to leave the hotel. Or maybe you're not. Maybe you're a person that wants to take advantage of everything in the hotel. Or you're on vacation and you want to chill. That has to be established. Or you're going to be in a situation where you're like, what are we still doing in the hotel or you're on vacation and you want to chill that has to be established or you're going to be in a situation where you're like what are we still doing in the hotel right or the other person's like i don't want to go why are we going out i like margaritas i decided to drink margaritas so and then fall asleep and hear the waves we survived though uh we survived it you know we

she made you change your phone though it's kind's kind of fucked up. I know. That was the compromise. Soon as it's over, bro. Soon as it's over, you're going right back to Sam. Aren't you? I'm going to be the Andrew. Yeah. I don't know if it's going to be over. We're coming up on a year. Ooh, shit.

Yeah, we're coming up on a year. Goddamn. But I hear people. You know what it is? People like you, it's your fucking fault. It can work. You're on stage talking about your great family and just how you deal with it. Yeah, you think about these things, man.

How old are you now? I'm 46. So you're thinking about shooting live ones in there and making little eras? I'm thinking about like, you know what, maybe it's time. You know what it is? I'm not super successful, but I've enjoyed my career. And now I'm like, oh, I enjoy this. I want to share this with someone that really cares about me.

And one thing I'll say first, I feel the love. you know that's awesome yeah i really do feel the love she's a very loving woman very beautiful and so she got used to you after a while and understands your jokingness and right right appreciates you knows you're a good guy i'll tell you something that she did that this is why we've been talking about her right now something that she moved me joe oh the other day we were having like a little fight. Little fight? A little fight. And then it was obviously I was like, we're not communicating.

I told her, you know what she did? She downloaded communicating with your man audio book. And she, and we sat and listened to it together. And it was like. That's where I quit. I'm out. But check it. Check this.

No, but check this. I changed my phone number. Throw my phone in the ocean. It was like, it was like, it was like that's where i quit i'm out but check it check this no but check this change my phone number throw my phone it was like it was like it was like the the guy that wrote the book was talking about her that was the best part about it he was like it would be like something like you know you know what you shouldn't do with your man is don't have a a look on your face of disgust when you're mad. It was like all these things. And then there was one moment where I'm going like this. I had my hands in the air. And it was like, if your man's body language, if he has his hands in the air, that's your

time to back off. And I was like, did you date this guy? Because he's talking about you right now. You know what I mean? But I thought that the gesture of being like, hey, I need to improve. But I thought that the gesture of being like, hey, I need to improve. I need to like change how I feel or like, you know, let me look at self self reflect that act of that self reflection with her. That that was that speak volumes for her and her character. And it really made me go, OK, you really want to you want to make this work.

And that's awesome. Yeah. So I said, OK, I want to make it work. How old is she? Twenty nine. OK. Yeah. So I said, okay, I want to make it work too. How old is she? 29. Oh, okay. Yeah, so she's at that age. I should not have said that. No, it's a good age. I'm going to be in so much trouble. Why? You're not supposed to tell ages? I'm not supposed to tell her. Well, the cat's out the bag now, so fuck it, right?

You didn't say her name. You can just go to my Instagram. Oh, my God. That's a good age. She's a young lady. What's the problem? That's part of the problem. You can just go to my Instagram. Oh, my God. I'm in trouble. That's a good age. She's a young lady. What's the problem? I know, but that's part of the problem.

You know what I mean? No, because she doesn't want people to know. So she wants people to know she thinks she's 23. So I said, hey, that makes me look like a creeper. Even this age difference is a little iffy, right? A creeper. Even this age difference is a little iffy, right? It's weird how we just make rules as to how old someone can be to be with someone else.

But it changes after a while, right? Like once you get, like if the dude is like 90 and the woman's 50, we don't give a fuck. We don't give a fuck. Whatever. No, no. I would say to me it's like it's got to be 30 like you know like she's at the cusp of it i think like i think once a woman gets to like 28 29 30 in that age range then this the other part it doesn't matter depending on what they got going on in their life but it's not about the age it's about experience level it's about where are you in your life so

the one thing i struggle with is that like look I'm knee deep in my career but I remember when I was 30 I wasn't doing this I was right I just started you were hustling I was hustling at so I go I have to remember that that this is her hustle years so you started doing stand-up at 30 yeah yeah that took a that's that's a late start right I started I went to a comedy class when I was in my early 20s because my mom's one of the supportive women I said hey mom I think I want to be a comedian next day I'm signed up at the at UCLA extension you know and I with a notebook and like she's like here's a notebook yeah that's all my mom if I said I want to be a rock if I said I want to be a rock climber my mom was like okay she would have bought ropes and like hooked me up with the because she wanted me out of the fucking house you know she wanted me like when I was was young. So I went to the class taught by Sandy Shore.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. I thought this was going to be it. Her mom... Mitzi Shore's daughter. Her mom owns the comedy store. I'm going to make it. How bad was the advice?

Look at you. Wow. This motherfucker right here, boy. Woo! Joe Rogan trying to start shit! Excuse me, how good was the advice? It wasn't good. Come on.

I misspoke. Can I tell you this? Yes. I suggest to anyone, if you want to be a comic, go to one comedy class. Just for the comfort of the environment and the support. Go to one comedy class, but after that you the environment and the support go to one comedy class but after that you got to get out there to the open mics and you got to do it on your own but i suggest one comedy class there's nothing wrong with there's nothing wrong with it so i

went and i loved that and then by the way the uh the uh showcase for the the graduation was at the comedy store in the or so the first time i ever did stand-up comedy was in the OR at the Comedy Store. Damn. What year was this? It was like 90-something, man. It was like 92, 93. And you know what I remember specifically? It was like, after our show, they just rolled into the OR show. First guy on stage, Carlos Mencia.

Wow. And he goes on, and at the time he was like, you know, Taco Bell! And you know... Just at that time, he was like... Just that phrase, at the time, he was like, you know, Taco Bell and you know. Just at that time. Just that phrase. At the time he was like, Taco Bell. That is fucking hilarious. And I remember watching him and at the time

at the time I remember watching him thinking I think I can do this. You know? Because I had a great set. I had a great first set. You know how that goes. The supportive people in the crowd and I have my funny hacky jokes that I was doing at the time just my new what i thought was new i remember one of my jokes was like i i was like how come you can't recognize superman and then i would take my glasses off you know like i'll be like look i'm clark kent take him off

superman you know that was like i thought that was hilarious at the time um no black people on jeopardy that was another one of my jokes that's a good one yeah so i had like you know i had black categories on jeopardy you know blind singers barbecue holidays you know i had i was killing back then with that shit man so isn't it brutal though when you go to a real show yeah with that shit and you just it's crickets but you're like but an open mic night it's weird right like there's open mic night material where it does okay on open mic nights. And you're like, this is some good material. I just got to develop it.

I don't even think it's even open mic. I think even worse is doing it in front of a crowd. You know, this is what happens to get, we're getting sidetracked, but I love it. You know, when you go into middle America, when you first were coming up and you were still a major headliner and then like the local guy will be there. Right. That local guy is now going to be on Joe Rog rogan's show in iowa and he's going to be performing in front of two or three hundred people right that type of hacking material is going to kill with those people

then then that person now thinks that this is how you do it and they bring that to la and new york and then they're like uh how come this isn't working? And then they're seeing like a thousand other comics doing, you know, talking about the same subjects. And then they don't realize how they have to find some originality in what they're doing. And that's the hard part. That's the hard part. There's not a lot of subjects to talk about. You know, you're not the first comic to get married and have daughters. But this experience that you had is personal to you.

And conveying that is the hard part. Right. You know, and so people kind of go just surface with their material. It's hard to delve deeper. You know? And it's hard to have the confidence to drag a subject out, too. Like, when you first start out, like, your premises are so short. And then you go from one short premise

to another short premise and then it becomes a it becomes a bit and the bit becomes uh you know a set and then now you're talking about i often tell comics like that that it's like music you know if you heard a if you heard like a neptune's beat you could hear it from a mile away. You could know when you hear it, you go, oh, I bet you the Neptunes produced that track. Or Premiere, the DJ Premiere. He would produce a beat and you'd be like, oh, that's a Premiere beat.

Your comedy is the same way. When you're working on things, you work on it in your way that if you looked at all your material, you might now see the common thread, and that's how you put together an act. Right. 30 minutes, 40 minutes. That's how you're able to talk about a subject for so long because we've now woven together these thoughts that we don't think are connected.

But when we look at them, we go, oh, I'm actually – this subject actually flows into this, and it connects very nicely. So that's what was uh going on so i'm watching again i'm watching mencia at the time that i'm just young kid i don't know what to do next i just had a great set i thought and now i'm looking at these professionals and i saw mencia and at that particular time i was like i saw him and when he talked about taco bell and stuff i thought you know i think i could do this you know and then he brought up Chris Tucker and and Chris Tucker went on stage and I was thought to myself I don't think I could do this just the way he was so like with his voice man you know just just Chris Tucker was on fire back then yeah just his whole persona and I thought

I didn't know and I didn't know what to do. So I floundered around, I did open mics. So you got nervous when you saw Chris Tucker because he was so powerful. Yes, I did. It was something special about what he was doing and I just thought, I don't know if I don't, I just was, I didn't have it at that time, man. I was so nervous and scared and arrogant

too because I was a funny guy. So then I would go to open mics and then the same people doing the same shit over and over and over again. Then I wouldn't go to another open mic for another four weeks. Then I see the same people and I thought, well, how do you get from here? How do you get on? You know, I didn't know.

There was no mentors. Right. There was no people going like, let me help you with this. You know, you couldn't even talk to someone like of your stature at all. Like, you know, at the time you couldn't just be some open mic. And by the way, they shouldn't do that you know what i mean like you know you're at the comedy store and some dude comes up to you you're just kind of like what do you want to talk to me about right now dude like you just started i always approach i think especially when they

work there as door guys i feel like everybody's just a comic. That's different. That's different. But like there's a sort of, but even still, like it's like, I don't know if it's so appropriate for a door guy to come up to you and be like, yo, can I open for you at Irvine? You know? Dude, some guy just did that the other day. Bitch, I don't know you. I don't know you at all. No. I have friends.

By the way, I used to do that. Did you? Yeah, I used to do that. I remember, you know Johnny Sanchez? Sure. First was coming up. I went to Johnny. I was like? Yeah, I used to do that. I remember, you know Johnny Sanchez? Sure. First was coming up. I went to Johnny. I was like, Johnny, let me open for you.

I'm a juggernaut. Is that what you said? I told him I was a juggernaut. I said, I'm trying to bury these headliners, man. That's what I was trying to. That's what you told him? Yeah, that's what you thought you were supposed to do. Did you check his watch?

Oh, look at the time. Yeah. So he's teased me ever since this is 22 you know 15 years later he's still teasing me about it but um you know so i i didn't know i didn't know what i was doing you know i didn't know how to well what are you supposed to do man there's no clear path it's not like being a doctor there's no right or wrong way either you know i didn't know that's true too especially i grew up in la i was born and raised in la so i'm in la trying to get on a stage where I go to the laugh.

Like I was telling you earlier, I saw you at the laugh factory with hair, you know, and just like, man, you were on stage. Like, I'm not like, you were just giving it. There's a certain energy you had about what you were talking about that I was like, damn, what happened to this guy? Like, I remember the first thought, I was like, man, some woman hurt him. That's hilarious. Or something.

Something happened. And I thought, I don't know if I've tapped into that yet, I thought at the time. I don't know if I've tapped into that. So it took a long time for me to realize, oh, no, this is what I want to do. Right. I was 30. But everybody's different. You know, like some people go up there and they're excited and angry about shit.

And some people go up there and they're mellow. And that's the funny part. They're chilled out, slow punchlines, you know? But even if you... Like Segura. Perfect example. Just could tell a story and have you captivated. Yeah, there's no anger.

Yeah. There's no screaming emotions. Segura's just chilled out. But don't you find yourself, have you ever gone up in a bit of a, because you have a way of performing. You have a gel mode. You're on there. It's going to be powerful.

And you're like really. And then have you ever just gone on and kind of like not done it that way but then now you get laughed at a completely different point in your set with new material for sure cause you're trying to find the you're trying to find the beats I set material up to fail sometimes

like I'll go into a bit slower and I'll go into a bit more casual and try to ramp it up rather than like try to make it like sometimes when you get a new bit especially when you first start out you're like this bit is shaky And I'll go into a bit more casual and try to ramp it up rather than try to make it. Sometimes when you get a new bit, especially when you first start out, you're like, this bit is shaky. Let me just get it out of the gate with a lot of momentum so that I can kind of coast with it.

But sometimes I'll say, all right, well, this bit might be all just bullshit. Or what Tom calls, Tom Segura calls them dance moves. I used to call it English, English on the cue ball. Because sometimes you're just You're hamming it up But the substance isn't there You're doing that thing that you do that no makes people laugh It's really difficult

It's really difficult for me because I'm just a funny looking guy You know I mean I accept it I'm not a looker you know what I mean I'm cute you know what I'm saying I'm a handsome guy I know my qualities right? I'm cute. You know what I'm saying? You're a handsome fella. I like your mustache. I'm a handsome guy. Yeah. The mustache works with you. I know my qualities, right?

But I know that I could do a thing that they're going to, are they laughing at what I'm talking about? Are they with me emotionally? Are they with me intellectually? Or are they just going like, ah, this guy's funny? Right. And it's hard to recognize that. Yeah.

Right? What do you want from them? Yes. Do you want to connect with them? Do you want them to laugh? Do you want both? Do you want them to appreciate you? You just want them to have a good time?

Or do you even want them to laugh at how you are connected to what you're talking about? Because that's different, too. Yeah. Like, if you're a political comic, people might laugh that, like, how passionate you are about being a libertarian or how passionate you are about, you know, being an atheist. Maybe they don't agree with you or maybe they do agree with you, but they just, they're laughing at how you are connected to what you're saying.

And I think that that's another element. That's a whole other thing. You know, I look at all my friends that, you know, we have a lot of peers, our friends that we just go, like, they all have something different in that way yeah you know and it's amazing it's an amazing thing to watch it's a crazy art form because nobody could tell you how to do it it's not like any other art form yeah it really you know like if you went into music or i went into music like we could like you could be in a rock band or you could be in a blues band or you get like country music and everybody would be clearly defined yeah but you just do stand-up yeah it's just stand-up i mean there's no there's

no categories you know what's funny about that though is i know that there's no categories but i do think that it is similar to music in that we're not going to change the rules of communication right and i think that's where people get in the way so like when you're on a piano you're not going to make new chords it's still going to be be A, B, C, D, G. You know what I mean? And like certain chords when they go together are not going to sound good. No matter what,

you're not going to reinvent the wheel. So I think the baseline of comedy is like just being able to communicate your points. And I think when you're a person that can communicate your points and they're solid and clear, then the jokes on top of that is what the entertainment is going to be. But you still got to like, you know when somebody says,

they're telling the story and nobody says anything, and then they go, well, you know, you had to be there. Well, that's a horrible storyteller. That's what that is. You'll never hear Joey Diaz say that. Never. You had to be there, cocksucker. Like that would be like, well, I don't know if I want to be there, bro.

You know? Yeah. You had to be there means you failed in communicating. So I think that on that level, even though all comics are different and it's weird, but that level of like, so when you say set up, that is important. It's universal to all of us. You have to set this up. Yeah.

But I mean, that's just the case with all songs and everything too. But there's styles. There's certain styles of comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess there's styles of comedy. There are styles. But they vary so much. There's no distinct style.

Like if you heard like, put an example, Hank Williams Jr. Like, well, that's clearly country. And you just hear it right away. You hear bam, bam, bam. Yeah, yeah. There's something twangy about it. Like, well, that's clearly country. And you just hear it, you know, right away. You hear. Yeah. There's something twangy about it. I was like, that's country. Yeah.

There's something about the story. I love country with a good story. You know, driving down the highway. You know, whatever. All you have to do is hear like a couple of words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what the fuck this is. Yeah, this guy's hurt.

He doesn't even have to have like music behind it. You know what? He's sad. You were comedy at the time. It was the country music of comedy. I think you're misrepresenting me. It was never. It was a story.

You felt the anguish. I don't think that's what I was doing at the time. Are you trying to look back and think? Isn't it weird, though? You had hair. It was a whole different guy. Yeah. You know, you weren't this.

You're a solid muscle now. Like, I don't know if you have. What's your body fat count right now? I don't get it checked. Oh, okay. That's probably better. It's probably better to think that it's better than it probably is. I think if you went, you might be disappointed.

The last time I checked, it was 10%. Oh, my God. It's not very low. I'm probably like 30%, 35% body fat. That's crazy. Yeah. I got to do something. It's not good. That I'm probably like 30%, 35% body fat. That's crazy. Yeah. I got to do something. It's not good.

That's not good. But you know what it is? My blood pressure's good. That's good. Yeah, because I- You told me you were boxing now. I'm trying to box, man. Start working out.

I'm going to the boxing thing and it's like- Where are you going? I go to Gloveworks. Where's that? Gloveworks in Century City. Oh, shit. Getting your box on. Yeah, it's-

Hitting pads? You guys holding pads for me? The guy's holding the thing and there's something that tricks City. Oh, shit. Getting your bugs on. Yeah, it's... Hitting pads. Guys holding pads. Guys holding the thing. And there's something that tricks you with that, though. Yeah, because they hit back. Yeah, hitting back. Yeah, they hit you. And after I've done it a few times, I'm walking around in public like...

Motherfucker. I wish somebody... Test me. I wish somebody would test me. Like, they're going to hold up their hands and fight me like this. Right. But you know what's something about going to boxing? It's changed my perception of women.

Women in the boxing thing, like they really – that shit is – when you see a – I'm working out with five people and the woman goes in. And the guy's like, come on. And she's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like, God damn, this is – she's good. She's great. I'm like, god damn this is she's good this is she's great I'm thinking you can handle yourself all my preconceived notions of like and it's something stupid a stupid male thing

is to see a woman fighting and then the first thought is oh yeah somebody hurt her you know you got a lot of that in you yeah yeah yeah doing that with me I know I have this thing people hurt everybody's getting hurt Everybody's hurt When they

Oh god This is This is like therapy It's coming out Maybe I was hurt Maybe you need a cassette Maybe I need Do you need one of them

Self help sets I do I do I'm working on it Man I just dated myself You're old as fuck Old as fuck There's kids out there Going like

What is that What's that They don't even know What a CD is How about a laser disc You little fuck What Yeah What is this But the boxing's been cool I like It's fun workout What's a cat? They don't even know what a CD is. How about LaserDisc, you little fuck? What?

What is this? But the boxing's been cool. I like it. It's a fun workout. Angry women are weird, though. It is weird. Somebody sent me a picture of this MMA chick, and there's this woman who's down, and she's... I don't know who the lady is. I'm not familiar with her.

She doesn't fight in the UFC, but she's got blood on her, and she's going like this. She's standing up over this chick. I can't. She's pounding. She's like this. And I'm like, damn, that is an angry woman. Listen, I can't do those kind of – I don't like male UFC. I don't even – it's just too violent for me.

Have you ever been live? No. Do you want to go? I would go. I was watching the other day because I heard your voice. Just won in L.A. in August. I want to go. I want to go? I would go. I was watching the other day because I heard your voice. Just won in LA in August. I'll go. I want to go.

I'll get you good seats. It just seems so like... It is that. By the way, I find it like... I don't like watching women hit each other. I just don't like it. I don't know. Maybe that's my male thing.

But I think that... How can we be in a society where we're talking about no violence against women unless it's pay-per-view? Well, no. No violence against women by men is what they mean. And this isn't violence against women. It's a competition. Do you think that that woman that beat up Ronda Rousey.

Amanda Nunes. Do you think that I fight better than her? No, she'll fuck you up. She will fuck me up. But that's Amanda Nunes. Okay, but if I hit Ronda Rousey in the face, like her and I go out on a date,

something happens, we have a scuffle, and it gets on video that I punch Ronda Rousey in the face, I'm now a pariah in society for the rest of my life. But this woman who trains and is like a beast

will beat her up. I just, I can't get the disconnect. I can't. There's not a beast will beat her up. I just, I can't get the disconnect. I can't. There's not a disconnect. It's a competition. It's a sport. So? I don't understand where you're missing the connection.

There's such a big difference between Eric Griffin. First of all, Ron ain't going on a fucking date with you, let's be honest. Hey, you don't know that? How dare you? First of all, how dare you? She married Travis Brown. He's he's a fucking killer okay well maybe they have a travis brown they had a tough patch he's a heavyweight ufc fighter so they have a tough patch that week and she's going

out to get some i'm done i'm done with you i need some strange and i want she went to the comedy store i'm tired of being with a killer you know she wants and she wants somebody cuddly soft you know she wants somebody soft and squishy and then we go out on a date. You don't know. And you wind up punching her. Yeah, because she- How the fuck does that ever happen?

I don't know. Have you ever punched anyone in your life? A girl? No, no. Of course not. Well, when I was in the sixth grade, I think I had a fight

with a girl one time. And that's the first time I learned you're not supposed to hit a girl. Oh, sixth grade. Because she was a bully. Right. She was a bully

and she was pushing people and acting. She did something to me and I punched her. And then no matter what she did, the whole yard went, you know, like, you don't hit a girl. And I was like, oh, but remember everybody hated her like a second ago? Then all of a sudden.

So I knew at that point I was like, oh, you can't do that. I knew there's some kind of difference. I learned it then. Yeah. That's a good way to learn it before it gets ugly. Before it gets ugly. Yeah. Because I was still a little kid. Yeah. it then. Yeah, that's a good way to learn it before it gets ugly. Before it gets ugly, yeah. Because I was still a little kid.

Yeah, yeah. It was probably younger than that too, actually. You're not going to break anybody's jaw when you're sixth grade. Right, right, right. And you know what

pissed me off too? I'll never forget this. It's so vivid in my head that she immediately went from bully, strong, like I run this courtyard to

he hit me. And I was like. Oh, little bitch. I was like, what just happened? You ever want to look her up? Yeah, I know. Just see what the fuck she's done to her disaster of a life. It was Condoleezza Rice, actually.

No kidding. What if it was somebody like that? No. That would be crazy. She's angry at you for punching her all this time. Starting war, Syria and shit. But I'm saying it could happen. I'm with Rhonda.

So let's go back to the difference between you punching Rhonda. That would be the last punch you ever threw. She'd flip you on your head on the concrete, smash your head open, stomp you into a mud puddle. And if people caught all this on video, all they would say is, Eric Griffin hits a woman. Yes. Or he had it coming. Yeah, right, right, right.

Good for her. Domestic abuser. Fuck with the wrong strong woman. I don't like it. But the difference between that and Ronda is a professional mixed martial arts champion. She's a champion and one of the greatest female champions of all time. I didn't like seeing her face look like that. She shouldn't have fought that woman.

I didn't like seeing it. What I'm saying though is I couldn't, I didn't like seeing her face look like that. She shouldn't have fought that woman. I didn't like seeing it. What I'm saying though is I couldn't, I didn't feel any of that. I didn't feel any of like, oh, it's the competition and she trains. No. What I saw is a bruised and battered woman. That's what I saw. And that's probably my problem. Okay, so you must be talking about the Holly Holm fight because that's when the one she

was bruised and battered. That's when she got head kicked and she was bloody and her face was a mess. The Amanda Nunes fights were just 48 seconds of knuckles in the face. Yeah. That was a quick fight. Yeah.

She just got the fuck beat out of her in that fight. But both of those fights, but there's lessons in that. See, you can fight in MMA and there's, there's danger

and there's consequences but if you're in shape and you're prepared correctly, you can fight. But there's a lot of women that weren in shape and you're prepared correctly, you can fight. But there's a lot of women that weren't prepared correctly and want to fuck them up. That's just how it goes. Sometimes you're the hammer, sometimes you're the nail. I think we also pumped her up.

It was a money marketing. It was great marketing, too. She only had fought 10 times. I pumped her up. Everybody pumped her up. But it was me doing a lot of the – but it was based on what she'd been able to accomplish. It wasn't based on bullshit. It was based on her actual performance inside the Octagon against people like Kat Zingano,

against people like Sarah McMahon. I mean, what she had done was supremely impressive. But we love a champion. We love undefeated. we love being the best ever right we we get behind that right and that's what was behind her going into that fight right and it didn't look like that well that what that shouldn't have been behind her going into that fight maybe the holly home fight the holly home fight but even the holly home fight she was under massive amounts of distractions she was under she was there and they were going to do Roadhouse, remember?

They were going to do a Roadhouse movie. She's having meetings with agents. Yeah. And they just thought she could fuck up anybody on the planet. That's what I'm saying. But the problem is, unless you're 100% all in with your training and your learning and your development, and you're making sure that you've got the right training partners and the right coaching and the right staff

and nutrition and all these different things. If you have any part of that missing, then the people coming up who have all those bases covered, they're going to surpass you because they're talented too. And that's what happened with her. You're knee deep in the world. You know everything about it. Okay?

As a lay person. Right. Just looking at them standing next to each other, I was like oh, is she going to get her ass beat? So you're looking at Ronda standing next to Holly Holm and you thought that Ronda was going to get her ass beat? Yes. When I saw it, I was like how's this going to work? Why did you think that? I don't know. It's just an eye test. She just

looked bigger. Holly's very physically impressive. She looked bigger. I thought she was physically bigger than this person. Have you ever seen Sarah McMahon? No. Ronda stopped Sarah McMahon in one round. Sarah McMahon was an Olympic silver medalist in wrestling and she's a tank. I wasn't into it like that. Maybe if I had seen that, I would have been like, well, this is going to be

a good fight. But that was my first time. And just looking at it, I was like, this doesn't look like this is going to be a good fight. That's just... You know? I just didn't think it was going to be a good fight. That's just, you know, I just didn't think it was going to be a good fight. And then you hear you guys talking. You hear, like, the guys going, like, Holly Holmes, and she's a boxer, and this and that. And I'm like, oh, wow, this isn't going to go well.

And then, sure enough, it didn't go well. So then that made me have, like, the respect level for female, you know, fighting if I'm just coming in. At that time, it was like, Ronda Rousey's everywhere. She's in movies. And then you're like, oh, wow, this is the greatest fighter ever I hear. She's the attraction of a lifetime. And then you go, okay, alright, I'm going to check it out.

Let me check out. Wow, that girl looks big. I don't think this is going to... And then she gets demolished. And you're like, well, is this a sport? I think that was a big blow for female fighting. What are you talking about? That was like one of the best things to ever happen to female fighting. Okay, well, we're different in that way. I think she should have won.

It would have been the best thing. No, no, no. It's good to know that anyone can lose. Even the greats. Even the greats. I think we compare it to boxing too much is what it is. Boxing, you've got to be undefeated. Boxing, we love undefeated.

One blemish on your record and it does something. Yeah, it doesn't work like that in MMA. Because in MMA, there's so many different ways to win. The only one who's really undefeated at the top of the food chain is, well, two guys. Khabib Nurmagomedov, who's the lightweight champion. He's undefeated, period. Mauled everybody. Except Al Iacuinto who went the distance with him and you know but

still beat his ass still beat him but john jones is really undefeated john jones has one loss in his career but it's a disqualification is he the guy that's been disqualified because he was well he got caught with some shit in his system that he shouldn't have had in his system and how did he get in it in his system we don't know It was only in there for a very short amount of time. There's a lot of speculation. Until that gets ironed out, we don't know. By the way, one of my good friends in the whole wide world is Eric Koch. He's also a UFC MMA fighter.

You know Eric Koch from Tukruf? Is it a gem? Yeah, Eric Koch. Yeah, he's a good buddy. You know how I know him? We play video games together. Oh, no shit. Yeah, yeah.

He's a bad motherfucker. He really is. He's a crazy dude. Now I know that if I'm in public and some shit is about to go down, I check people's ears. Oh, that's a good move. Yeah. Yeah, but sometimes it doesn't work. Oh, his ear, look. Yeah, but some beasts out there that wear ear guards.

Be careful. No, but Joe, I'm saying I'm not going to fight anyway. I know, but don't. One more year of boxing, I might be like, you don't want to test me. Once they start doing that pad thing, they start thinking, yeah, man, listen to the noise I'm making. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Can I tell you one quick? The first time I ever boxed,

I went with Craig Robinson. You think Craig was boxing each other? No, we weren't boxing each other, but Craig was starting to box, and he took me to his gym, and it was this old black dude. He was like in his 60s. Old school black dude. So I got into the ring with him. The guy, he was like, all right, come on in the ring.

You know, so I'm in there and we're boxing. Three minutes. I have so much more respect for boxers after doing this. So he's like, yo, keep your hands up. Keep your hands up. You know, and I'm like, all right. And then he hit me in the head, Joe. Because you didn't keep your hands up.

And I was like, after he hit me twice, something locks in, man. You're angry. Oh. And then. Tasted your own blood. It was like 30 something locks in, man. You got angry. Oh. And then. Tasted your own blood. It was like 30 seconds left in the fight. And he put his hands up. He was like, finish the fight like you're on the street.

Finish the fight like you're on the street. You should have kicked him in the nuts and bit his nose off. I went like this. Ah! And then box again for a little while until recently. So that was one time It was so hard It was like that three minutes

I was like how can these people throw 50 punches Well you gotta build up to it Eric I'm going to man I think I'm gonna come here I need to work out He laughs He's laughing like you can't deal with a Joe Rogan workout How come you don't do a workout take?

I thought about doing one a while ago. You should. I do too many things publicly. I'd rather keep some things to just myself. This is a man who has a family now, has reached a level of success that he is comfortable, and now you're starting to see not everyone needs to know everything. It's not just that. There's value in doing things just for you.

Privacy. No, no, no, no, no. No, just working on stuff and doing things just for you. Don't do things publicly. I agree. In this day and age, everybody does everything on social media.

And I've done a bunch of things, put them on social media. But I think there's real, there's a benefit. Why do you do the things you do? I do the things I do for two reasons. One, either I put them on social media, but I think there's real, there's a benefit. Like, why do you do the things you do? Like, I do the things I do for two reasons. One, either I enjoy them or I think they make me better. They make me a better person.

This is going to all be on your tape. I do a lot of yoga. Like, I did yoga today. And I do it a lot. And one of the reasons why I do it, I think it makes me a better person. I think it makes me more mellow, which I think is good. I have a tendency to not be mellow. It makes me more friendly.

I think it calms me down. And I think it's very good for my body. So I do it all the time. But I'm not about to do some fucking yoga video. I think I do stand-up for that reason. Yoga calms you down? Yeah. Yeah?

That's interesting. Yeah, I do stand-up. It does. It calms me down. If something happens to me, I go directly to the stage. That's a great way to work on it, though, like can develop material. Yeah, that's what happens. Even if it's something that's like silly.

Like if I see a movie that moves me, I might go on a stage and be like, did y'all see this movie? Where are you working out now? I know you do the store and I know you do the factory, but do you fuck around like go to the Ha Ha or the Ice House? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fappers, all that shit. Man, my start was when I knew I wanted to do this, I was going to open mics, and then I went to Long Beach. They had this place called the Queen Mary, and they had a Laugh is Hope. This guy, Steve Kimbrough, had this really shitty club on the Queen Mary.

Dude, we did Fear Factor in the Queen Mary. It was right down there, and I remember someone was doing a room there. That's the room you're talking about. So I did that and then I started doing the Ice House, the Annex. That's a good room.

And they had that three shows on Friday, three shows on Saturday. So that started doing that. From there, I went to the Ha Ha. Then I was like hosting on the weekends

and then Terry from the Ha Ha, you know, God bless her soul. By the way, what are you doing Wednesday night? Wednesday night, I'm around. You want to do the Ice House? Yeah, let's do it. I'm there.

Wednesday night, 10 p.m. 10 p.m. Ice House. I'm with Joe Rogan. Sold out. Tony Hinchcliffe's on the show, too. Yeah, I love Tony. So then I went to the Ice House. Then I started going to Ha Ha. And then I got a showcase at the Comedy Store, you know, and Mitzi didn't even look at me. She didn't even look at you.

She didn't even talk to me. What year? It was the year Jay Davis got passed. So I wanted to kill myself. I showcased with Jay Davis. That's not rude. Jay knows. I'll say this to his fucking face. He knows.

So we're showcasing the same day. Right. And she passed him. Okay. And then didn't even talk to me. Okay. She didn't even watch you. She watched me. And I went down.

She didn't like it. She didn't like it. That's what I thought. Which really pissed me off. What year is this again? Dude, this must have been 2000, 2003-ish. So this is when Jay was on Tourgasm with Dane Cook. Yes.

Dane was supposed to showcase that night too. But he refused to tourgasm with Dane Cook. Yes. Dane was supposed to showcase that night too. But he refused to come because he was Dane Cook. And I get it. So he refused to showcase. Well, that's what I hear. I shouldn't even say that. I know Dane. I should ask him before I'm talking about this.

But you had to showcase, right? You know Louis C.K. didn't get past to the store. I get it. Mitzi's like, I don't like him. She got her own thing. So I get it. I mean, he's like, she got her own thing. So I get to showcase my, my then friend, I met a med set up to showcase that night and I didn't get passed.

So a year and a half later, I had to, I had to deal with Tommy, you know, and, and listen as, as what people get on him. And I think Tommy's out there thinks I hate him,

but I know there was a method to his madness, you know? And maybe if he didn't even know it it worked for me because he was my villain he was my enemy okay so I had to get past him he was the gatekeeper I had to get past so it took me a year and a half of like doing belly room and and just hanging around and people keep saying to him hey you should put Eric Griffin you know so then I got another showcase it was in the main room uh during one of those bringer shows they were doing the showcases during those and she was there they had her in her booth and i did my set i ran the

fucking light too you know i was like fuck this whoa what year are we talking about this this is like like a year later so it's like 2005 you know 2005 2005 2006 and then they around i don't it's like 2005, 2005, 2006. And then it's around that time, 2004, 2005, 2006. I'm not sure when it was. And then as I'm leaving, they're bringing her through the main room, and they're helping her through the hallway to go to the kitchen. And she stops, and she looks at me and says, you were funny. And those are the only words she ever spoke to me. That's all you needed.

That's all I needed. And then Tommy comes over and he's like, well, she passed you. You're in the belly room now. Should've headbutted him right in the nose. Fucking mouth, right? Shut the fuck up. And then he told me I had to be in the belly room for a year. And I knew that was a lie. She passed me.

So again, but I needed the challenge. You know, one of my best moments for me personally. I like what you did there. I had to know because, I needed the challenge. You know one of my best moments for me personally? I like what you did there. You just turned aside. I had to know because I got to tell you. Threw your hand back. Like we're in the Tonight Show.

Yeah, man. Richard over at Comedy and Magic. You know, and I love Richard. Sure, I love Richard. So I tried to showcase for Richard. They're the nicest people ever over there. They're so nice. They treat comics the best.

Yeah. Mike Lacey. You go there not to do comedy. You go there to get food. You go there to hug people. Hug people. Hang out with good people, man. For real.

So I remember I tried to showcase for him. I sent him a tape, and he was like, Eric, you're too dirty and all this stuff. And he wouldn't pass me. So Maz Jobrani, this is years later now, Maz Jobrani is doing a show. And he says, Eric, you want to be on my show? So I'm standing in the hallway before I go on with the emce and then we're joking about being clean and i say you know what i'm gonna go up there and pull my dick out a guy in a suit is walking down the hallway this guy the student is walking he goes hey please don't do that and i go you know i'm just kidding

and we laugh a little bit we laugh a little bit i go on stage i murder it and then i'm headed to the green room and that same guy in the suit comes running at me, and it's Mike. It's the owner. Oh, that's hilarious. And he says, hey. He goes, man, you're hilarious. Why aren't you working at my club? Why don't I know you?

At that moment, Richard is in the hallway. And then I look at Richard, and I go, yeah, Richard, why am I not working here? And he's like, well, you know, you were dirty. I was like, I can play clean. I play churches. I played cruise ships. I'm a professional comedian. My point about this is that moment of him squirming

and like being like, okay, you're in. And after that, I was in. That was worth waiting for, as opposed to like trying to bully my way into places. Like I felt like i earned that yeah and i and since then rich and i were friends you know it's like but i had to i had to earn that you had to earn it i had to like find the right moment i had to like you know what i mean i do could i have been on the could i have been on the wednesday night ice house show with

joe rogan before possibly do you know joey like you have to get into these situations joey can't work with me At the ice house The one place Why They won't have him Too dirty What do you do

He went up He went up Talking about sniffing his balls And eating ass One too many One too many cocksucker Doing the pigeon Sticking his nose up

Girls asses Going down on them From behind I do the pigeon And they would just Fuck First of all He was murdering to the point where

like drinks were falling off tables the lights were dimming they were shortened out and mike was like you know mike's the sweetest guy in the world he goes i love you i think you're amazing he goes but i can't have you in this club you're just too dirty and he's like look he goes i understand you know joey was joey wasn't mad at him you know he's like one of the only guys that told joey that he can't work but joey was already successful wasn't mad at him. You know, he's like one of the only guys that told Joey that he can't work. But Joey was already successful by then. He just would work. You know, Joey always works with me.

So he just didn't want to do it. Just, you know. Joey called me. You know what I got to say? Like one of the, one of my favorite phone calls I've had is Joey Diaz calling me the other day. He said, you know, I don't do this, cocksucker. You know, I don't, you were, you were really good on him dying up here. And he just giving me compliments. Oh. He's, you know, I don't do this, cocksucker. You know, I don't. You were really good on him dying up here. And he's just giving me compliments.

Oh, that's beautiful. And I just don't. And I was like, when this comes from someone that you believe is 100% genuine. Yeah. And then the way he was talking about it, I thought, I was like, oh, that's great. That's what you want.

That's what I learned when I got back into it later, too, by the way. When I was 30, i knew that you had to get the respect of your peers these people that you do this business with have to think you're funny because those are the people that are going to get you work well they have to like you it's a like you too yeah that's a big one like you have to be a nice person and you know what you are a nice very nice person but one of the things that's nice about the comedy store for sure is that um i think and this is i attribute this to the internet because i think what's going on with the internet now is there's so many opportunities for the for comedians now that we're not in competition with each other anymore i don't think we've ever been they used

to be like that man the 90s in the 90s everybody was like dog eat dog it was different like there was a lot of people back then that felt like, say, if you got something, like you got a TV show, why didn't I get that fucking show? There's people that thought there was a limited number of things. It's what I call famine thinking. You ever heard that expression? That expression is a deadly fucking, it's just a poison to your life and the way you think about the world that a lot of people have that problem, that famine thinking. I think people still feel like that now, but I always liken it to golf. I think that we're on a leaderboard, but we're still fighting against ourselves.

Yeah, but no, because golf, you're competing. You're still competing for the championship. There's no competing at the comedy store. No, I know, I know, but what I'm saying- But in the world of stand-up comedy today, I think there's so many opportunities. There's so many places to work, so many stand-up, especially when you're doing the road. There's so many theaters, so many comedy clubs, so many. But there's still only 52 weeks in a year. Think about that.

What the fuck does that mean? How many headliners are there, do you think? Real ones? 300. I'm not joking. Okay. I'm not joking. Maybe worldwide.

Well, there's only, okay. Well, then there's enough then. For real. Because there's joking. Maybe worldwide. Well, there's only... Okay. Well, then there's enough then. Because there's like... How many do you think there are? How many... Is there 500? There might be 500.

Well, I'm just saying at a club, though, there's only 52 weeks for them to book one guy. One club. But that's one club. So then there's... But you travel, right? There's fucking hundreds of cities. Well, I mean, it's still a fight out there, man. Dude, fuck all that thing.

For the good weekends. Nah, what weekend? July 4th weekend? No, no, those are the bad weekends. Those are the weekends I get. I get Mother's Day, Father's Day, July 4th. Dude, I get those, too. I do those weekends.

Yeah, you get- I like them. You're doing- Once the last time you did a Thursday night at a club. i don't usually do thursday nights anywhere other than the store that's what i'm saying you don't do thursday nights on the road like oh even on the road yeah well the theater is different but i'm saying like you got there was a time when you got to a part where you were doing friday saturday and you're out yes right at clubs yeah at clubs yeah you know so they're still that was just because i just got tired of the fucking grind yeah you know what what got me more than anything is doing morning

radio where you had to get up early in the morning and then you try to get some sleep and you never could and then you're just wrecked and then the only time you didn't get morning radio working it doesn't work anymore but back in the day it did they still make you do it they're crazy they're crazy that's a waste of of time. And it's always the same thing. It's a guy, uncle something, his sidekick. It must work in some places. It must. I don't know.

I mean, I'm talking out of my ass if I- I sometimes am going to go on, when I go on stage, I go, who heard me on the radio? Nobody. Nobody. But meanwhile, you were up at five o'clock in the morning. I'm up at five o'clock in the morning. Exhausted. Yeah.

That's the thing is like, if you don't get good sleep, and that's a problem with doing three nights in a row in different places when I tour. I'm just in New York. I was just at Carolines. That third night, you got to, that third night, well, three nights in a row, if you're just in Carolines, that's okay because you're getting up in the morning in the same hotel room. But when you get up and you have to go to the airport and then fly, land in a new place, take a shower, go to the gym, try to wake up.

That's where it fucks you up three nights in a row. By the time the third night comes around, you're like, damn, I'm kind of worn the fuck out. Well, you just said something that's not even a part of my thing. Like, you know, you, you, you, you, you said like, get up, go to the gym. Like, I got to add that. You got to add that. This is my move.

I got to add that. You got to add that. This is my move. I got to add that one, man. When I fly somewhere, if I fly in, I put my fucking bag down. I unzip it. I take my shorts out. I put my fucking running shoes on or whatever I'm going to wear. I go right to the gym. Really? Right to the gym.

I don't fuck around. I wouldn't have to do this. Because if I don't, I'm not going to do it. I feel you. If I'm staying in a nice hotel and they have a 24-hour gym, that's my favorite. I just put my fucking headphones on and just whatever it is. I don't know what to do in the gym. Just get on a fucking elliptical machine and do a half an hour.

Just make yourself sweat. You know what I like to do? This is going to sound crazy, but I love doing those like insanity. Well, that's what I would fill that spot with. When I get to the, I put my bag down, take my shorts off. Get my one sock ready. I never did that. Who does that?

Why do people say that? Why would you jerk off in your sock? People are gross. What sort of, is this supposed to simulate some sort of like really loose pussy? Yeah, some sort of a. Some woolly pussy? Yeah, some sort of cottony pussy. Yeah.

Yeah, unless you have a silk sock. Yeah, and even then... Even then. It feels like you would cut yourself. But anyways... If you bring a flashlight with you on the road, you're a creep. Yeah. Because the moment that they go through your bag...

At the airport. At the airport. Stanhope did that once right after 9-11. He traveled with a briefcase. No, not a briefcase. A suitcase filled with dildos and rubber fists and all this shit.

And of course they had checked it everywhere he went. And that was why he's doing it. They're like opening up his bag and like, what is this? And they can't say shit. Sex toys aren't outlawed. Have you seen how crazy these sex robots are looking? Yes, I have.

I mean, I think we're, you know how this feeling we have about self-driving cars? There's a fear out there about self-driving cars. We're not there yet. It's not going to be our generation that fully embraces it. We're 10, 15 years away from like, this is going to be a normal thing. Right. This is the same thing with the sex dolls. I think you're right.

When I see them, I have a disconnect of like, I can't. I would never. I just, they just look. You say that now, but if it gets to like ex machina style. Oh, well, I mean, Joe. That's coming. But that's going to happen, man. What is this, Jamie? But they got to be self-cleaning.

They have a life-size sheep. I googled sex robot and a sheep comes up. Bitch, you got that bookmarked. No, I don't. I swear to God. Wait, wait, wait. First of all, is this one on the left for pedophiles? I don't know.

I just typed in sex robot. It says girl mannequin with realistic features. What in the fuck? Whoa. That is creepy as fuck, dude. I don't know about that one right there, dude fuck? Whoa. That is creepy as fuck, dude. I don't know about that one right there, dude. Jesus Christ. That is creepy.

That one on the left. What's the one, the real doll one right there? That is a fucking little kid, man. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that is creepy as shit. Well, I guess that's one way to, you know. Jamie, don't click on that. It's just a display.

It's not a sex robot. I don't know why it's popping up there. Yeah, then why'd you click right on the crotch part? But hold on a second. But that's under. But you Googled sex robot. Yeah don't know why it's popping up there. Yeah, then why'd you click right on the crotch part? Yeah, but hold on a second. But that's under... But you Googled sex robot. Yeah, and that's what's coming up. And the first thing is girl...

Shop for sex robot on girl mannequin with realistic features. Dude, that's fucking gross. Meet Harmony, the sex robot. Oh, go to her. Go to Harmony. That looks like at least a grown-ass woman sex robot. Is that her? Go full screen. That would be dope least a grown-ass woman sex robot. Is that her? Go full screen.

That would be dope. Let me see this shit. This is the one I've seen. There's always some... Oh, my God. Whoa, that's what she looks like? Yeah. She looks that good?

Yeah, we're getting there. Oh, Jesus Christ. But there's still something... Oh, wow. Jesus. That's how they want it, though, with the head covered, just the ass sticking out. So weird. Oh, God, that's even weirder.

Look at that hole where the neck is. Jesus, this is strange. I mean, look at the booty. Yeah. So, damn, that is unbelievably lifelike, though. Yeah, it's crazy. Like, come on, man. This isn't a scene in a science fiction movie.

If this was, like, 1960, this is a science fiction movie. Oh, she can blink slowly and seductively. Oh, look at it. Look how she's blinking with her perfect lips. I know. I don't know. If this was a science fiction movie from the 1960s and they had this, we'd be like, whoa, this is crazy.

Because it would be so far removed from reality. Yeah, so far fetched. There's no way that this is going to... But look at what they're doing. But this is not far fetched. This is close. You know what I think that this is going to be bypassed by? Is virtual reality, like brain links.

Some sort of thing where you can stimulate the mind in a way that you think things are happening. I think that's going to bypass all of this technology. I think it's going to be both, but I think you're right that that's coming too. But I think this is coming too. I think the ability to have a real, realistic robot that'll fuck you, that's not hard because you just think about all the moves that it has to do. I know. It's not a lot of moves.

I think also- They'll be quiet. I think also a good thing, if it's possible, is have a robot like that to practice martial arts on. Like have a robot that throws punches and kicks and block them. See, now you're thinking about improving society, not just for sex. So you can have a robot teach you to play piano, teach you how to do like- I'm just talking about a robot that you can fuck up.

Like leg kick it. Well, this is what I'm saying though. Body kick it. It's not going to hurt it. But it's a training thing. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Well, there you go. It's totally possible. Yeah.. But it's a training thing. Yes, yes. Yeah. Well, there you go. That's totally possible. Yeah. Just have it move slowly. Have a robot in there cooking. How it doesn't move quickly, but it moves slowly. So you could just work on drills and shit. Does Dirty have one?

Oh, no, no, no. No, they don't, Jamie. This is just a fucking punching bag that moves back and forth. That seems stupid. That thing's dumb. Good try, though. You don't want it that throws back at you. Yeah, I want a person.

What this is good for is hyper-extending your fucking elbows. You're going to miss this thing and hurt yourself. I don't think that's a good idea, honestly. I think your idea about having a instead of having a sex robot, that same technology used for fighting, training.

Because I have a dummy that I practice jujitsu on but it's it's like this it's called a Bubba dummy it just lays there like this and but I can practice arm bars and triangles I can do reps on it I just do reps right right but it's not as good as doing it with a person but it's hard to get a person just stand there and let you do

fucking choke them over and over and over I'm saying but a robot a robot could you could get a male sex doll. You order it specifically. I want the butthole sealed. I want the dick removed. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. I don't want the mouth closed. I want a... Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Why does the butthole need to be sealed so you don't want to be tempted? No one can accuse me of any shenanigans. It doesn't even work, bro. I'll show you. I'll take the gear off of this. Joe, why does the butthole still work?

Hey, hey, hey. I don't know. I specifically called and said no butthole. Why is this cock so large on your... Why is it glistening? Why does it smell like strawberries? Yeah, it should always be dirty, too. Yeah, yeah. Why is your... It's always strawberries? Yeah, it should always be dirty, too.

Yeah, yeah. Why is your... It's always dirty. Yeah, it should be... Cut little specks of blood on it. Yeah, it shouldn't feel like it's been cleaned and used. Jesus Christ. You keep the plastic on it like a phone, you know, when you get your phone. But those real dolls, they move like a real person.

Like, if you didn't mind practicing on the girl real doll, you would order the girl real doll, you would order the girl real doll with, like, small breasts, you know, so, like, the breasts don't get in the way, and then you can work your mount, get your arm bars in, your triangles, and then when you're done, you fuck her. Oh, well, there you go. There you go.

So it's probably like dating, you know? No, it's very different than dating. Oh. When you're dating. I'm talking about if you date in the UFC, like, do you think Wanda Rodsey and her guy do they get excited like that when they're fighting each other? I doubt it. Or they just stay away from that completely?

I bet they do that. I bet they don't even train together. Well, she's done fighting. Now she just does WWE. Which is great. I think that's great for her. Well, she's great at it. She's very good at it. She's a decent enough actress. She's an entertainer. She's an entertainer. That's what all this is supposed to be anyway. It's very good at it. She's a decent enough actress. She's an entertainer. She's an entertainer. Yeah, and that's what all this is supposed to be anyway. It's all entertainment.

Right. It's like, what is it for? It's just to distract you and give you something fun to watch. But we're so close to Roman times where like, you know, we want someone, I mean... Did you see that Barrel Knuckle Boxing event they did this past weekend? No. See, I couldn't. I can't with that, man. I'm just not

into like watching violence like that. I have a problem with it. Because you know why? It's like Muhammad Ali. How he was later in his life, I go, why would anyone do this? Even when I watch professional athletes, like

when you, oh my god, this is what I'm saying. Like, I can't. Wow. They did it in wyoming legalized bare knuckle boxing that just looks horrible well the the idea is you can't hit people as hard with bare knuckles so you're gonna get cut up a little bit but you're not you're not gonna get the same kind of head trauma no it's definitely true remember the dude in it. What about – what's his name? Rudy Tomjanovich. I don't know who that is. The coach, old coach from Houston.

Remember when he was playing in the NBA? They used to fight in the NBA in the 70s. The fifth fight? They used to fifth fight. They used to have real fights. And somebody got – 1977. Clocked in the head, and he broke his orbital bone.

So is this like this was normal? This was real things, man. They would just fight. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. He found it. See? Yeah. You had to see the replay, yeah. Because he came, you know. So what's happening here?

It's hard to see what's going on. Rudy comes and this guy clocks him in the head. Oh, so I was looking at the wrong dudes. Yeah, yeah. Watch. Here he comes. He's just coming in to like stop the fight and this guy clocks him in the head. Oh, so I was looking at the wrong dudes. Yeah, yeah. Watch, here he comes. He's just coming in to stop the fight and this guy thought he was coming at him. Oh, and he's running right towards him too.

That ruined his career. Did it? Yes. Well, that's an orbital fracture and that's real common in MMA. It happens all the time. But imagine with knuckles? No, I do.

So you really think that... That's not as bad, I'm telling you. You think that with gloves it's worse? Just as bad. You can hit harder, trust me. You can hit someone harder because it doesn't hurt your hands. The gloves are not protecting the opponent. The gloves are protecting your hand. Oh, I get that from doing this boxing.

I take my hand out of these gloves and my fucking fingers are killing me. Right. Take no gloves and go over to my heavy bag because that heavy bag is stiff. Go over and start punching that thing. Oh, I know. It's going to hurt your fucking hands. I get it.

Same with punching a person. 14 ounce or 16 ounce. I'm not sure which. I don't know how I feel. Sometimes with the 14 ounces, I feel like, oh, this is. You got a little more speed. I got a little more. Yeah.

Two extra ounces missing. Yeah. Well, these are zero ounces. Your hands move very fast. Oh, you got those zero ounce gloves? Yeah. Well, these are zero ounces. Your hands move very fast. Oh, you got those zero ounce gloves? Yeah. Well, in MMA, they're four. They're four ounces.

Oh, I couldn't even. Listen, that looked terrible. Those guys' faces. That can't be. You could break someone's nose. Dude, everybody's nose gets broken in the UFC. Everybody. Everybody's face gets broken.

Orbital bones. This is your world, man. I get it. I hear you. I turn the's face gets broken. Orbital bones. This is your world, man. I get it. I hear you. I turn the thing on and I hear your voice. The other day I was on FX. I was like,

oh, that's Joe Rogan. And you were just going in. You sound like a totally different person. It's crazy. You're like, you're in a whole different, like,

in that mode, too. You know, you just sound like if it was like Rocky, a Rocky movie, you know, and then you hear the announcers that's you right there you got it down man well i've been doing it a long time i

know it's great you know so but that's your world so i'm not trying to disrespect your world but it's just too violent for me that what you seen with that punch that was 1977 and they probably didn't know how to fix those things back then but now they know how to fix orbital fractures and things along those lines. It doesn't make it okay. But I'm telling you, it's not. If that guy punched that guy with gloves on, it would have been just as bad. Oh.

Unless it was boxing gloves. Boxing gloves, he probably wouldn't have got hurt as much because you're dealing with a big, thick, heavy pad. Yeah. You know, boxing gloves, eight, ten ounces, depending on the fight. All right. You know. I just. Yeah.

I know what you're saying. It seems like it's worse than it is. It seems like it's worse than this. It seems like it's worse. Yeah. It does. But I didn't know that. What you get mostly is cuts. Like, you see those guys were all cut up because the knuckles, the bare knuckles are hitting

skin. Yeah. This feels. When I do this and I'm knocking on, I just feel, wow, I just feel how that would be like, oh, man. Yeah. Oof. Well, it's interesting because a lot of people, was saying for the longest time you shouldn't have even wraps

on your hands because it gives people an unrealistic idea of what you could do with your hands and why are there pads on your knuckles when there's not pads on your shins or pads on your knees or pads on your heel or pads on your elbow because you're smashing people with elbows this is yours there there's way more power that you can generate hitting someone with an elbow with a bare elbow than you can with a bare fist because a bare fist if you hit someone in the forehead or even in the cheek sometimes you'll break your hand yeah not with the elbow the elbow you could hit foreheads and face you could hit everything like a good headbutt, too. Yeah, there was a... Jamie, I'm going to have you pull something up, because I sent this to Shob. There's something that...

Give me one second here, and I'll find this. Because Josh Emmett... See if you can find... Just Google this. Josh Emmett details Hellish Road back to health, following Jeremy Stevens KO. MMA fighting... What is that stuff you got over there? What stuff?

This? Yeah. That's alpha brain. It's a cognitive. Should I try it? Yeah, you should. Is this the limitless pill? Dumb motherfucker.

Yeah. No, it actually tastes good. After this now, we're going to be talking about science. So this dude. I can't even open it. I don't even. Oh, here we go. Bite it and tear it open

that dude got ko'd by jeremy stevens who's like one of the most ruthless knockout artists in the ufc and he's got major facial fractures major his like orbital was fractured his cheekbone was fractured his nasal cavity was fractured like fucking everything is fractured and he just had emergency surgery like the second surgery he went to orlando where the fight was and they either misdiagnosed him or they missed some of the injuries but he was still fucked up they didn't catch a lot of things he says and then um he went to another doctor and got an mri and they immediately took him into surgery like dude your fucking whole head is broken. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. I don't get it. But this is legal. Here's my thing. Have you fought yourself? You fought, right? Not in this stuff. There was no MMA where I was fighting.

I kickboxed and I fought in a lot of taekwondo tournaments. There's nothing in you to fight now? I'm 50 years old. What the fuck am I doing doing that? Don't they got like a 42 and over league? They don't, but there are some guys that are in their 40s that still fight. But it's just... It's a young man's game, right?

It's also a young man's game because by the time you're 40, you got to think you've been doing it for a long time, which means you've been absorbing a lot of punishment for a long time, which means you're probably... You should probably be done. Yeah. Like, if you want to live into your, you know, 70s and 80s and be able to hold your bowels in and know where your keys are, you know, there's a certain point in time where you can't get hit anymore.

Dude, you look at, like, even other sports. You ever see these old basketball players, how they can't walk? Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, and these get devastated. Yeah, they just, they can't, you know, they're like. Yeah, and these get devastated. Yeah, they just can't. They're like, Doc Rivers, I got Clippers tickets, so I see Doc Rivers. He's on the sideline.

He can't even. He's also a really tall guy, and that alone, all those leverage points, and all the impact, the constant, and especially, I mean, a lot of these guys, they didn't understand overtraining. They overtrained. They had injuries. They just toughed it out and worked through them. You know, back injuries, weird spinal issues.

That's why I think they should let every professional athlete for, like, there's a week period where they get to take some steroids and recover. A week? Yeah, just a week. That's not enough. Oh, okay. Oh, you know about it. You'd have to be on a cycle. You'd have to be on a cycle for six to eight weeks. So in the off season, you get that six to eight weeks of that steroid cream and cryotherapy.

Well, they can do the cryo. To get your body back. I agree with you. Because the doctor gives regular people steroids to recover from certain injuries. Sure. And then we're paying these people to entertain us. We should allow them to take a moment to like, okay, well, here's my six-week period. I'm going to get my steroids in and get myself back to normal.

Then we'll start training camp. I agree. The problem is when you go on a cycle, like say if you went on a steroid cycle, your endocrine system shuts down. And so then when you go off the steroids, your body has a normalization period. And a lot of times, I don't know the hard numbers, but I think what they try to say is it's 50% of the time that you were on the steroids. So say if you're on steroids for three months, you would need a one-and-a-half-month recovery period before your hormones normalize.

And sometimes you need help getting your hormones to normalize. There's a bunch of things called clomiphene. There's a bunch of different— Is that also illegal stuff? Yes. All those are illegal. Depending on what the regulations are, what sport you're in. But in MMA, all that shit... Are you into other sports?

Do you watch football, basketball, none of that? I don't even know the rules. I don't know what's happening. When I watch a football game, people are blowing whistles. You're literally a caveman. I'm not. I'm not. I just don't have any room i look i watch professional pool okay okay you're one of those i got you you must love going to canada you know every time i go to canada and i turn on their espn in canada snooker and they got like they got the darts

they got curling they got stuff where i go we would never show this bullshit can i get a kleenex man i feel like I'm nasally. We just ran out of air. There you go, nasally. So it's not that I don't. I'm a caveman. I like what I'm. Jesus. Jesus, Eric. Why are you doing that on mic?

I got a big nose. Push that microphone to the side. I'm four feet away from the. Yeah, but you're blowing hard with that schnozzle. You're going deep, son. You just made people throw up. There's people listening to the... Isn't it funny how the fluid coming out of people's noses is so vile?

The sound. You know, like when you're on a basketball court or something like that and someone does a snot rocket. You see it like... This from the guy that wants to watch blood on people's face. I don't want to watch blood on people's face. I just think that it would be a more realistic. You don't get a thrill out of when somebody gets punched and then they turn around and they're just like, you know.

I don't get a thrill out of that. All right. I get a thrill out of knockouts, for sure. Which is worse. Guys hitting people with big shots. But it's like not specifically about blood. In fact, I think I don't like blood because it gets in the way and it stops fights. Stops the fight.

Yeah, that's the argument against elbows, actually, is that the cuts stop good fights, but they also knock people off. Why don't you just throw that out like a big boy? Is there garbage over there? Where's the garbage? Is this buggy? Get out of fucking garbage. Just seeing it is like bothering you.

Bag of snot. I double wrapped it. It's right there. Right there. Drop that of snot. I double wrapped it. It's right there. Right there. Drop that in the bank. I double wrapped it, man. Have it sit on a table and that snot's trying to get out. Oh, yeah.

It's like alien. It's like. I had to get it out. Sorry. Yeah. I don't know how we got from sex robots to snot. It was a circuitous path. That's what happens on this podcast.

I watch it a lot. You go from like, how'd they get there? We don't even know. We don't know what we did. We don't know how it got there. Well, I guess I should probably also plug my new specials coming out. Oh, is that why you're here? Is that why I'm here?

When is it coming out? How, is that why you're here? When is it coming out in home get it June 8th on Showtime American warrior I sent you a clip, but I know you didn't watch it American warrior. Yeah, I thought it American Well with the American that there's Eric is in the name American right and so I have I just spell it with a K Oh American yeah, oh look at that American on showtime. I like it like. Oh, look at that. American. There it is. On Showtime. I like it. That's actually. Dude, that looks cool. I like the background. Where'd you film that shit?

In Portland. At the Star Theater in Portland. Oh, dude, I love Portland. Yeah, Portland is great. And this one, my first special, The Ugly Truth, that I was talking about, Kevin Christie drew that for me. Did he really? Yeah, isn't that fantastic amazing kevin's so talented i wanted to be on a road and then like have a chicken next to me with like

grenades on it you know what i mean like we like the chicken crust so you'll get it thank you that's a great picture though man that's just he really he did a great job that looks amazing yeah so i just in this one i really go for it on this one man you know i'm talking about uh award show protesting i'm talking about the kneeling for the national anthem me too tiger woods i'm going in on this going in hard so you're happy with it i am happy with it because the thing about like one thing that's weird about specials now that you know you know, they have to be, you know, you could tell, oh, they filmed that a year ago or two years ago, and it's like we're not allowed to, like, you know.

Topical shit. Do topical stuff. And I feel like because there's so much content out there right now, it's like get it out there. I want to know. Like, for me, like, I want to know what Joe Rogan thinks about, you know, the stuff that's going on. I want to see you talk about it for 30 minutes on a national scale.

And we just don't do that, and we got to do do that now i think we should be doing that because they're putting out stuff so fast anyway then it's like it's not like it's not special anymore you need to stop calling them specials you know they're not special what is the name for them if they're not specials right it's our content name it should be like our conversations so this is an eric griffin conversation the rolling stones don't put out a special they put out an album they put out an album right like what do Stones don't put out a special. They put out an album. They put out an album! Right? Like, what did we do? We put out a special. They were special because it was only five of them a year. Right. And you had to

be a giant to get one. Right. And it was like a celebration of your career and your fans. It was like, I've made it. Here's this. So your fans could go, yo, to not fans, come watch this. This guy's really funny. And you do make maybe four of them in a career.

A career. Yeah. This is my second one now. Nobody saw the first one. You know what I mean? The first one wasn't that long ago either. It was like two years ago? No, it was last year.

It came out last year, but I taped it two years ago, a year before. So it took a year to come out. It took a year to come out because they wanted it to come out with the show. I'm dying up here Sundays on Showtime. They wanted it to come out with the show and so the same thing happened this year. I'm dying up here is out you know. And if someone doesn't have Showtime

can they watch it on Amazon or anything like that? No, they can't. Eventually they'll be able to but you know it's one of those things. Does Showtime on demand? Yeah, you get the Showtime anytime app. Oh, okay. Showtime Anytime. Yeah, you can watch it there. I just think that we need to. I want to hear.

With all this stuff that's been going on, especially with Trump. In the Trump era, imagine. Did you see what he said today? That he thinks he can pardon himself? Dude, there's always. He wrote pardon in all caps. He thinks he can pardon himself? He wrote pardon in all caps. In all he can pardon himself? He wrote pardon in all caps.

In all caps, he wrote pardon. We did this. Well, people did it. I didn't do it. I voted for Gary Johnson. He was on my podcast. I voted for him. Yeah, well, see, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, so you say, well, that's a vote for Trump, really, in this day and age. How dare you? I'm just saying. It's not because it's California, and California went for Clinton anyway. Because the electoral college. Yeah, but by the way, if they got rid of the electoral college, then the Republican candidate would come to California, they'd go up to Northern California, and they'd get 10, 15 million votes for them anyway. Northern, yeah.

Yeah, Northern California. Anything between San Francisco and all the way down the five coming to here, too. Not just Northern California. Because people think of Northern California as being like San Francisco, but no. No, no, no. There's hours of driving above San Francisco. You could drive for eight hours and still be in California. Yeah.

That's how big. California's a day drive. Yeah. If you go from Mexico all the way up to Oregon, it's a day. These people that live on the East Coast and Midwest, in two hours, they could go through four states. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And they have. And it's not us, man. That's why it's tough to... Well, that's why they want to change into three Californias. Have you heard that shit? Yeah. They don't want to do that shit. They're talking about putting it on the ballot.

It would be a poor state. It wouldn't be good, because LA would have all the fucking money. Yeah. I mean, it would be LA, San Francisco, and then farmers. Yeah, I think they just want to get... It would be another... What would they do to the... What would that do to the electoral votes? That's a good question.

Like, we have 55 now, so then it would be like, what, 20... Like, the main epicenter. Well, wherever there's urban ethnic people, though, they're gonna not... They're gonna draw those... What are you showing me, Jamie? California is the fifth largest economy in the world in the world jesus christ yeah take that uruguay if we beat out the whole of the uk we beat out the united kingdom yeah united kingdom is scotland too right that's not just england scotland who else is it? Is it Ireland? Is that the UK? I don't think so, yeah.

Christ. That's a big fucking place. Isn't it like 20% of the entire population of the United States live in California? 13% or something like that. Something silly. 8%. It's like 1 in 13. But we don't know the real numbers.

Oh, I thought it was way more than that. Yeah, it's a little bit less than that. There was more before, I thought. They think there's 20 million people here. I don't think they's 20 million people here. I don't think they're fucking counting. Did you ever get, does anybody count you? Did you get counted?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they doing in the county? They ain't counting anybody. Especially all the people that are here illegally. How many people do you know that are here illegally? I don't know too many people that are here illegally. I used to know a lot of people that were Canadian that were illegal. I'm just so bougie now that I'm not even around people that, where would they be? We don't run

in the same circles. Actually, the lady that cleans my house, she might be illegal. What about the guy in Blanca? Her name is Blanca. Are you in an apartment

or do you have a house? No, I don't have a house yet. I'm saving. I'm weird about it. Good move. It's good to be weird. I always feel like

this job I'm in now is the last job I'll ever have, and I'm going to need my money. Well, let me stop you right there. You're a funny dude, and you're always going to do well. You're always going to do well. But I want to get the house I want. I want to get the house I want to die in. Do you have a podcast?

No, I don't. Oh, time to get a podcast. That's the next thing. I'm working on it. You're good at this. Yeah. You'd be perfect at it. I know.

We'll be competing, right? No. See, I have everybody on my podcast, man. People that are supposedly competing, but I want them to do well. I think there's enough out there for everybody. I really do. I think that we stand up. This is about people's own personal time anyway.

When they watch you, they listen to your podcast, and then they listen to the next one. It's not live anymore. Nothing's live anymore. That's true. That's not live anymore. Nothing's live anymore. That's true. That's a good thing. I don't even know when my favorite shows come on. I just put them in the queue and then I watch them. All my shows come on on Sunday night.

That's how I look at it. Right. Because that's when I watch TV. Yeah, that's a unique thing. And most of the shit I watch these days is on Netflix. Yeah. So it's all streaming. Yeah.

What a juggernaut they are. God damn. I don't think it's sustainable. God damn. It can't be sustainable. Why is that? It's doing so well. Yeah, but here's the thing. If I drop $60 million on Netflix, I drop $60 million to make a project, and you watch it in 10 hours, then

you're like, hey, what's next? I bet you, I guarantee you, in a couple years, Netflix is going to stop this. The whole show comes out in one sitting. They're going to probably do it in chunks. Why would they do that? Because you want, you anticipate, anticipation. You're fired.

What it does to your brain. If you're working in the boardroom, as soon as you walked out of the door, I'd be like, fire him. No, man. Get rid of him. He's retarded. He doesn't have any idea what he's talking about. Anticipation, psychologically, feels just as good as actual achieving their thing. That anticipation you feel like waiting to see what happens next week.

Oh, you're on a Showtime show. I see what's going on. This motherfucker right here. I see what's going on. You're trying to justify being on a Showtime show. You think it's a good thing that they come out on Sundays. It is. It is a good thing.

It's a good thing. You can binge it at the end of the season. Yeah, that's not good. See, before. Before. I like binging. You can still binge. Yeah, but this model, obviously, is uber successful.

Like, one of the most successful things ever. Then why are they talking about they're losing money all the time? What are you talking about? They had an article about it. Look it up. Netflix losing money. Do you know how much money Netflix made? Netflix has hundreds of millions of subscribers

that each pay $10 a month. They make more money than anybody. But they're also putting out money. If they're giving stand-up comics $20 million to make specials. Not all stand-up comics. They put out 52 specials. Let's say they paid

$100,000, which I know they didn't. They paid way more than that for each of them. That's still a lot of money right there, man. Yeah, I like how you didn't even bother counting it. I didn't want to count it. What is it, like $50 million? What the fuck that up to? I'm the worst at doing simple math in my head.

I'm like, $500 times 25 weeks is, what is that? It's like $15. I don't know what the fuck that is. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of money, damn it. They make Stranger Things. Stranger Things is an expensive show. Goddamn good show.

And then people watch it in one week, it's over. But then you're saying as a Netflix person, hey, what's next? Yeah, but millions of people watch it in that week. No, I get that. And those people are justifying that $10 a month that they spend. That's why they have their content constantly coming in. It has to keep coming in. Netflix is really close to surpassing Disney's valuation.

Do you know how crazy that is? I did a Netflix special, by the way, in 2005. Oh, shit. You won the OG originals. I was OG, son. You imagine you didn't get $20 million, though? Yeah, well, I'm happy. But that's showing you that you're incorrect.

Netflix is making shit tons of money. No, no. Just because they're valuable doesn't mean that they're making a profit. They're taking on debt. So they're playing a business. But how much are they making versus how much are they spending? It's just like Uber. Uber's evaluation was-

I think they took on another $8 billion in debt. What does that mean, though? When they do that, but is it based on their earnings? Aren't they making billions of dollars a year? Yeah, they're making money and then they took on more debt. So they just reinvested it back into the company. They're not really interested in turning a profit maybe for 2017. They're looking more into

2025. That's what I'm talking about, man. Do you know what you're saying? Did you guess? It's not sustainable. But hold on a second. How much do they make? Let's find out instead of just guessing. Not that I'd give a fuck, but obviously Eric does because he's so invested in Showtime. Oh, this guy. This model of... What does Showtime do to you?

I like Showtime. See, this is like that time I saw you... My Netflix special that I did in 2005, we actually sold to Showtime. See? Once I got the rights to it, and then it went back to Netflix again. It's one of them licensing deals. Well, now my licensing deal is just going to – I don't know what it's going to be. I don't know.

My first special I did with Rooftop, which was now owned by Amazon. So I think you can get the audio. That's good. You can get the audio on. I think Amazon is going to buy Netflix. Look what Showtime has done for fucking Sebastian. That's what I'm saying. I mean, it's not a bad place to be.

This is not a bad place. I love Showtime. It's a great place to be. If Showtime wants to be in the Eric Griffin business, I'm all about it. Yeah. No, I hear you, man. Look, Showtime's great. Don't get me wrong.

So my special comes out on Friday, but only 10 minutes at a time. So then next week. You'll be in the middle of a bit. And this is what I think about Bill Cosby. Tune in next week. Hey, that might be the new model, man. American Warrior. Episode two.

We've got to come up with... Dude, you've got to come up with some kind of gimmicks. There's so many specials out there. Just keep swinging. That's what I'm doing, man. Look. It's just me on stage. There's no skits in the front or the back end.

Good. There's none of that shit. It's just announcement. Did anybody introduce you or did you just walk on stage? No, somebody introduced me. New shit is just walking on stage. Oh, and that's you now. That's how you're doing it?

That's how I do it. It just turns on? I just walk on stage. Okay, that's going to be the next one. No introduction. I did introduction last time. I'm like, you know what? That's a waste of time.

I feel you. Especially when you have to cut it down. I had to cut out nine minutes. it's tricky right nine minutes people don't understand how long nine minutes is on a on a in for comedy yeah that's a long ass time i was shooting babies how many did you film i did twice twice as good yeah if i had to do it again i would want to do it four times that's what i do do. And I would take the two second shows, be the one. You know? Well, I did four

last time in San Francisco, my last one, and then this one in Boston, I did four, too. But you got four money. You know what I mean? Yeah, you got to pay more. Yeah, you got to have four money. But you know what? For me, it was like, I know you want to be loose. And because of that, I was looser in the first show than I've ever been because I didn't

just think I had two barrels. I was tight as fuck in my first show here. And the crowd was. I was in Portland. So it was like these liberal, pretentious white people. And you're talking about dangerous shit. And I'm talking about all kinds. It was, man.

And you have to own it when you talk about this stuff. You got to own it. You do have to own it. Unapologetic. All right? And that's how You have to own it when you talk about this stuff. You got to own it. You do have to own it. Unapologetic, right? That's how you have to do it. So the second show was so loosey-goosey, and I think I captured something here. Yeah, Portland's an interesting place because it's real liberal to the point where they go so far left that they're like militant in a way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I had a great time there, man. I had a great time there last time I was there. I was there like six months ago. I fucking loved it. Do you find it like out there, it's, you know, in this Trump era, I find that comedy has been challenging.

It's definitely, it's not just the Trump era. It's the era of outrage. Yes, yes, yes. But what I'm saying is, I find that Trump people are angry winners, you know? Ooh. They're angry winners. Like, yes, yes. But what I'm saying is, I find that Trump people are angry winners, you know? They're angry winners. Like, you won! Your guy's in office. They're gloaters.

And then you say anything and they're just like, fuck you, man! Or if you say anything bad about Trump, and I have, they fucking come hard at you. They come hard! And I get it! I get it. That's your guy. If that's your guy, that's your guy. I get it. Well, he's the king of the assholes. The assholes have never been represented before.

For real? Well, I don't know. I think there's been quite a few assholes. No, for real. Not by a politician who's overtly asshole-ish. Yeah, he's definitely... When has that ever happened? I know.

Never. I'm a very stable genius. Yeah. Calls himself a stable genius. I'm a very stable genius. Yeah. Calls himself a stable genius. Dude, that tweet is dark where he says, I have every right to pardon in all letters,

in all capital letters, myself. I looked at that this morning and I got sick to my stomach a little bit. It's just a guy that doesn't know how to do the job. And it's not his fault that he was given the job. Well, he went after it. I know, but he... What do you mean by it's not his fault that he was given the job. Well, he went after it. I know, but it's not his fault he was the best candidate in the Republican Party. They should be the ones that should be ashamed of themselves. I was watching the Trevor Noah show, and he was showing this clip of Trump at a rally. He's already won.

And he's up there saying, you know I, uh, they told me to say drain the swamp. Right. I didn't like it. He's saying this. I didn't like that, but they said it would work. Like, he even has contempt for the people that believed the bullshit that he was saying. He has contempt for them by just going like, you know I said these things just to get

elected. And it worked. And like, these other people, they just to get elected and it worked and like these other people they just were horrible candidates Kevin Christie and so he was Chris Christie I said Kevin Christie because he was on my mind the guy that drew my the awesome artist

Kevin Christie's right now listening to this going what the fuck did I do to you I didn't run for office I don't know. I'm just grateful, motherfucker. So why wouldn't he be an asshole? Why wouldn't he be like a sore winner? You know what I mean?

He's a gloater. I get it. But it's the age of outrage. And this is like what we're seeing from this Roseanne stuff. Like, dude, I've been called a racist more times over the last few days for defending Roseanne and saying that I know her, she's mentally ill, and that she's on all kinds of pills. I don't think she's a racist. Listen, I'm going to say this too.

I think that this is a just because you can doesn't mean you should situation. Can I tweet something inappropriate? Of course you can. Should you when you have all of these things that you're responsible for? Sure. You're the lead of a show. It's a family show. You're on a family network.

You have a lot of people's jobs that are depending on you. And I think there was just an error in judgment. Oh, 100%. Now, do I think that she's a racist? I think that if she had just called the woman just ugly and talked about her job, would this have been the same thing? But you add, you know, it's like if you call somebody a bitch, okay, people can have a problem with that. You call somebody a black bitch, then all of a sudden that changes it. Oh, yeah. If you call somebody a black monkey bitch, then you're like, okay, where is this coming

from? Well, a perfect example is Samantha Bee calling Ivanka Trump a feckless cunt, and she said it on TV. I know. I mean, that was prepared. Someone wrote that out. It was a part of her monologue. She said it on television, and then they apologized.

They're like, ah, I shouldn't have said it. And TBS is like, we're good. But the advertisers are not good. They're pulling out left and right. But here's the thing with Roseanne. She's not well. This is a fact. Like, I know I've talked to her. She's told

me. I've talked to other people who know her. I've talked to people who worked with her. She's mentally ill. She talks openly about it. She's on a host She talks openly about it. She's on a host of medications. She's on antidepressants. She's on Ambien. She's drinking. She's smoking pot. She's 66 years old. She's not well. She smokes cigarettes. She's out of it. She's got real mental issues now here's the thing if she had problems with her lungs and she was smoking cigarettes and coughing up blood would and and doing stupid shit like trying to run marathons would people go hey you know what the fuck is wrong with you you know you think you could run a marathon what do you fucking stupid no they wouldn't

because they go oh she's got an illness this is why she can't run this is why she's coughing up blood she's got a mental illness she's mentally ill this is a fact that's why she's on so many different medications but just mental illness what if you were starting to get mentally ill are you saying that like saying like sort of overtly racist things first of all she didn't know that lady was black that lady ever seen that woman She does not look black. She thought that lady was Jewish When she said Planet of the Apes she said it because of her haircut because she looks like that lady from the Planet of the Apes she swear she swears and she swear to me on the phone this exact word She goes I would never fucking say that you think I'm so stupid that I would call a black lady Planet of the Apes

She goes I thought she was Jewish. She goes look at her. She doesn't look black. Oh, that makes it okay. It doesn't, but she's Jewish too. I mean, that was the other thing. Someone said, well, look, she dressed up like Hitler and had Jew cookies and she was baking them back in the day. Yeah, she's a shit stir. By the way, she's also Jewish. I think she gets a free pass on doing that. But I think that when you make a mistake mistake this is what's missing from our society now she made a mistake you should be allowed to apologize for that mistake right live with the shame and then you move on but what we're trying to do now is remove people yes from society altogether like i don't want to like sit i'm not going to like just we're not going to excuse her

behavior we're not even going to say that there's uh you know a reason even whatever the reason is all the mental illness and all this kind of stuff it's still a mistake what happened she's well enough to work on a television show so i'm saying she made this mistake and i'm not with i'm not with saying that she's a racist either because when i even when i read that i thought i don't as a i'm just saying as a comic we say things that a regular person is gonna translate the math into like well this is because you don't like black people or women or you don't like jews you don't like and that's not how we operate we're just trying to be funny we're just trying to be funny and i think that she comes from an era where this is what you would say to be funny and biting

yeah and i think when she looked back on it she went oh i didn't know this person was black now the people out there listening you can believe it or not but at the same time the susan rice comment from a long time ago is way worse because she susan rice is clearly black and she did a comment a long time ago i think it was like 2013 but she said sus Susan Rice is a man with giant swinging ape balls. That's what she said. Now that is way worse. That's way worse.

And that is a woman who's clearly black. I mean, you look at Susan Rice. She's not racially ambiguous at all. This other woman, Valerie, I don't know her name, Jarrett. She's got straight hair she's got light complexion she's a thin it's all about intent though what you're talking about right her intent

was to be funny she is obviously not doing but first of all she was drunk and on Ambien and Ambien is a class Hamilton Morris sent me an email about this he's explaining it to me and then I talked to a sleep therapist about it. There's a type of drug that Ambien is that's called a hypnotic.

And this is one of the reasons why Ambien has so many weird side effects associated with it. My friend Kevin James. Kevin James got up in the middle of the night, cooked a meal, went to bed, got up in the morning and he had like, his wife like confronted him like, did you do this? I didn't fucking do that. And she's like, no, the food's in the trash. Like you cooked it. You ate it.

He's like, I did not. I did not eat that. And she's like, okay, if you didn't do it, who did? And like he had to like come to grips with the fact that he was on Ambien. He got up, cooked a meal for himself, had no recollection of it, went back with the fact that he was on Ambien He got up cooked a meal for himself had no recollection of it went back to sleep My mom was on Ambien She got up in the middle of the night and drew on the shag carpet She had a white shag carpet in her bathroom with lipstick and with with nail polish like a little kid

She was I don't remember doing it at all. She's it's scary shit I know a bunch of people that have had weird experiences on that stuff but if you stay in somebody's house and you were on ambien and you messed up their shag carpet you'd apologize to apologize for it but this is what i'm saying with her maybe say she's also she's also drunk on antidepressants which you're not supposed to be and she's smoking pot, which I'm sure you're probably not supposed to do either when you're on those things. And she's an older lady who just got off of an exhausting schedule that almost, in her words, almost killed her.

She had bronchitis when she was filming. I'm saying she's not doing well. So she made a fucked up mistake and she apologized, but everybody wants to bury her, man. And I'm not with that. I'll tell you with you. It's like you can can't but that's the society that we live in right now that's just like but why is that outrage right now but what well not just outrage but we want to end your career yeah like why do we want to end someone's career for fucking up like it's one

thing like here's the thing like if she was not mentally ill There was nothing wrong with her Like say if someone from Let's just pick a sitcom Big Bang Theory Is that on Stevie still? What's on TV right now? Stevie? Is that a different type of TV? It's on CBS

What's a new one that's on TV? What's a new one? Neither one of these guys watch TV They don't have any anymore It's a Big Bang Theory song Oh it is? Like, let's say, all right. Neither one of these guys watch TV. They don't have any anymore. It's a Big Bang Theory song. Oh, it is? Okay. All right, Big Bang Theory.

Is a pretty blonde girl in the Big Bang Theory? I don't know her name. What if that girl gets on TV and she gets on Twitter and she says something totally racist, throws some N-bombs, and there's nothing wrong with her. She's like, this is just how I feel And then they come after And they go Well fuck this bitch

She shouldn't be on television She's racist She doesn't represent How America views people In 2018 She's archaic Get her off the fucking air This is

You can't get away with this anymore This is the 1920s This is 2018 That would be acceptable I understand that. If you found a real hateful person, she secretly has like a swastika tattoo somewhere. She's an evil person. This is not the case with Roseanne.

It's just not the case. She's an older lady who's mentally disturbed and on a fucking host of competing medications for her consciousness. Well, that should be the reason why. She needs help yeah we got to get her some help but it's a crazy thing it's like she was america's sweetheart just a couple of weeks ago i know and now fucking that's how quickly everybody hates her quickly and people are calling me a racist for saying what i said right there this is not this is not an

unusual thing in our society like we this go this is this very much reminds me of the Salem witch hunt. This is the same kind of thing. A little bit, right? It's like the Scarlet Letter. How old is the Scarlet Letter? And we're still doing that now. McCarthyism. Yeah. This is something that we're prone to it. Do you think it's because people are scared that they're going to get called out on

it themselves? So when they see someone who's doing something wrong, they go after them, attack them with everything they have to almost divert any sort of, because people are scared that people are going to turn on them, especially in this day and age when the people turn on people for like, you know, the Garrison Keillor story, he's the saddest story in this Me Too stuff because Garrison Keillor is a guy who had the Lake Wobegon Chronicles is this PBS show, this radio show is ongoing for decades, and he's a writer. And he hugged a woman. He was consoling her.

He hugged her. And apparently while he was hugging her, his arm went down her back, on her back. And he apologized. She pulled away. He apologized. He sent her a letter. He apologized. He said, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that. She says, no worries. Don't her a letter. He apologized. You know, he said, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. She says, don't worry. No worries. Don't worry about it. Years later, when all this Me Too frenzy, she brings this up, he gets fired. They pull his name off the show. For touching a girl's back, it's like the frenzy was so hot. They didn't want to be accused of not doing anything. So they pulled this guy. I know. And you know, there's the worst side of it, right? There's the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. There's the people that are absolutely monsters, right? There's those people. But then there's people that just

got caught up in the wave of outrage. And it's just, it's a strange, a strange time. There's no balance to it. Well, the pendulum is going to swing until you know, our attitudes balance out. I mean, this, the pendulum is going to swing until our attitudes balance out. I mean, the fact the Me Too movement is not a bad thing because it's bringing up some serious issues that we've had in our society.

It's a good thing. It's a great thing to happen. But in the meantime, there's going to be collateral damage for that until we now get back to a time where we can like men will act like gentlemen. And we'll be able to have interpersonal relationships with women at work and in a setting and make it professional but at the same time we also don't want a sterile environment you know when you go when you go to these like seminars because like even for our show now because of all this you have to have like a sexual harassment meeting before you start well they had those in the 90s exactly i went to those for hardball show that I was on in 94. But one of the things they always say, because you can't define this.

Right. You know it when you see it. Well, that's what they used to say about pornography. But that's what we've lost, that ability to understand that. Like, I think that that applies to- But legally, that's not a good definition. It's a problem. I know, but that is the definition.

It's the same thing that goes with oversensitivity. I think that too. Right. We should know it when we see it. And's the same thing that goes with oversensitivity. I think that too. Right. We should know it when we see it. And we're not recognizing that. It's like, you know, you're acting, this is a bit much right now sometimes. Did you hear about the two college kids that got drunk and had sex and the boy, upon waking up and sobering up, decided to preemptively accuse the girl of sexual assault because he was intoxicated? So he filed and went after her. She got suspended from school.

They had to do it because otherwise, you know, they would be sexist because they do it all the time if it's a boy and a girl. It's always thought that if a boy, like, do you know the Occidental College story? It's a pretty famous story from a few years back where these two kids, they were in college. The guy texts the girl, you know, I'm coming over. She's like, do you have condoms? He says, yes. famous story from a few years back where these two kids they were in college the guy called text the girl you know i'm coming over she's like you have condoms he says yes you know like so clearly intent has been established right goes over has sex with her her friends convince her because

she was intoxicated that it was sex uh under the influence so it was rape and so she goes to the university officials and they they suspend the boy he sues and wins and the whole thing is chaos because this kid gets kicked out of fucking school and actually did he win I need to know that if he won I think he did yeah let's fact check that accidental but now you

gotta have a now to even interact with them when you have to have a notary well that's what they're saying people so video I consent to you know so here's where it gets even screwier. There was a real article the other day that was saying, is it physically possible for two people to simultaneously sexual assault each other?

And they're debating this in a college because they're trying to figure out if two people are both drunk and they get together and they're both sloppy and fucking hammered and they decide to have sex. Do they both sexually assault each other? Isn't this really about choices that we make?

Well, it's also about taking responsibility for your actions if you're an adult. If you decide to get in your car and you're drunk and you plow into a bus and kill a bunch of people, no one says, oh, Eric was just drunk. He is not responsible for his actions. You're responsible for your actions if you're drunk, if you're driving a car and he kills somebody. But the idea is that if a girl comes over your house and you're drunk and, you know, you're not responsible for your actions then, especially if you're a girl and you're drunk, you're not responsible for your actions then if you're having sex with a guy. But you're definitely responsible for your actions if you're a girl and you get in a car and drive and hit someone and kill them. But at the same time, though, a girl or anyone should be allowed to be with her friends or

with his friends and you get sloppy drunk. And you're protected. People take care of you. It's not okay that somebody decided to go further with it. Well, the most egregious case is obviously Cosby, because that was his thing. I mean, if he did do what everybody's accusing him of doing, and we have no reason to think he didn't, he was taking people that thought of him as a mentor and thought that he was going to help their career, and that was his hustle, and he would just drug them, and they'd

wake up with their pussy sore and their fucking pants off and not knowing what happened and be super confused. It's horrible. I mean, that's the worst version of it. But then it's like, you know, this is one of those things where I'm saying it's like this, that, that is hard to define. There's no like real definition. You can't put it down in writing to say like this is what this is because then you got a situation where you're out on a date with someone things are going well you think it's going well you get into bed and then that person in what for whatever reason decides uh i think we should stop i don't want to do this anymore and that that that could be that could be on the same level as drugging somebody aziz and sorry case clubbing

them on the head that girl writes that crazy fucking story. The 5,000 word story. That Aziz Ansari thing is just about him not being a gentleman. Right. That's all that was. Not just that, but she was just grossed out by it and decided to go after him. But, you know, I can understand being in a situation. Like, you know, people got on the woman because they were like, you know,

hey, you still blew him three times, right? Yeah. But I understand that being in a situation where you're like, you know people got on the woman because they were like you know well hey you still blew them three times right yeah but i understand that being in a situation where you're like you're because this happened to me all right i i was at a comedy club you know i told this girl this is years ago i told this guy said she was like i'm coming back to your hotel like you know no i don't think you should i didn't want to i wasn't like i wasn't she forced herself on you it wasn't i mean just let explain. Imagine if you were a girl. That's where it gets really scary. First of all, everything she's saying to me this whole night up to getting to my hotel, if I would have done that to a woman, it's assault, abuse, threatening from the jump.

You ever heard Ali Wong talk about this? I mean, no, but this is what happened. So I get, I say to her, I was like, I don't think, I said I wasn't really wasn't really into her at the time i wasn't i was like i don't know if this is a good idea you know i think you should go home you know and then she's like no i'll walk you to your hotel because we were hanging out the whole this day everybody's hanging at this place after the sunday night show you know i said okay we get to the hotel i go well thanks for walking me but i think you should probably no you know i'm gonna clean your dick with my mouth yeah yeah you know that's you know it's like uh i'll give you a massage it was all this me, but I think you should probably – no. I'm going to clean your dick with my mouth. Yeah, yeah. I was like, that's – it's like I'll give you a massage. It was all this kind of stuff.

I'm like, I think you should go. And then my ego kicks in because I'm like, well, all right. You like me like this. Okay. So we get up. We finally get upstairs. I still am like, maybe we shouldn't do this. And then she starts to like, oh, you're –'re oh it's because you're not into me it's

because i'm i'm hideous or whatever so now i felt like oh i have to fuck her i felt like i gotta do this it's like i had to do this because i don't want to become across like i'm you know what i'm saying about the reason how I apply this to the Z situation is the fact that this girl is in a situation where she feels like, I guess I have to do this. Like, I may not want to do it. I don't know. We're speculating. You know, I've been in a situation where I didn't necessarily want to do it, but I felt like the social pressure of like, well, may I have to follow through with what I'm doing right now? Yeah, no, I get it.

Yeah, that's definitely. And then in the morning, I had to fly. Well, not even in the morning. I said, we're finished. And I'm like, I said, hey, you know, you got to go because I got to pack. And she started to cry. Oh, boy. And I thought if this was happening now, this could be a situation.

It could easily be somebody, she could tell her story differently. So we don't know. That's why there's no rules. What this lady did was she was aggressive and flirting and she wanted what she wanted and she got it you know so that sometimes is okay depending on the person that you're dealing with but that same situation with someone else right could be no this was horrible right i i i felt i felt intimidated i felt you know it's all in how you interpret it. Yeah, it's definitely

it depends on who's talking and whether or not you're attracted. Here's a perfect example. If you and your girlfriend decided to get drunk and your girlfriend was drunk and she called you up and said, come on over. I'm horny. I want you to fuck me. If you went over

and did it, you would in some people's eyes, be guilty of sexual assault because she was drunk and she couldn't consent. And this is why I'd never done that, by the way. One of my ex-girlfriends was like that. She wanted to get drunk. Really? She was like, I just want to have sex when I'm drunk.

I just couldn't do it. Wow, because you were nervous about it? It wasn't about... It was just me personally. I don't drink. Oh, you don't drink at all? I don't drink at all. So I always felt like if I'm not drinking, it just feels like, what if she says she wants to do something that like she doesn't normally want to do.

Right. And then she's going to get sober and be like, why did you do that to my butthole or whatever? You know what I mean? Like, why did, and you're like, well, but you said she gets, cause it'll always come back to, well, you know, I was drunk. Right. And I didn't really mean, you know, then I'm like, okay, I don't want to be the choice maker in that situation. Well, that's the best thing about not drinking, right?

In that situation, if you don't drink, you never have to think like that. But that's why sometimes I don't want to hang out. Sometimes I don't want to hang out with people that are like, that get dumb drunk. You're out. Then I become responsible? Oh, well, it's the worst when you're out and then then i become responsible oh well it's the worst when you're sober yeah it's like whoa i don't want to deal with this their behavior is so fucking gross gross yeah you know then you see your friend especially if you have like a female friend you're not you're not like that with them right but then you're out and then she's you

know her skirt's coming up and you see the creepy guy you see the guy that she's like you're like oh man what do I do right now? Like if I don't stop her from going and then something happens that she doesn't want to happen, is it my fault? She's like, you're a fucking hater. I love him. He's so cute. And we are going to have an amazing time.

And you fucking hater. All this Harvey Weinstein and all this kind of shit, it set ugly dudes back like 20 years all my advances that I've made with hot chicks

has just been like I'm so glad I have a girlfriend during this time but you're not in a position of power here's the thing it's not about ugly it's about Harvey Weinstein being in control

of a studio exactly and scaring all those girls into fucking them and allegedly raping some of them you know I mean I don't know what he did or didn't do, but he definitely did a lot of shit.

I just wish that a lot of these people... Maybe now people will have the courage to come out. Oh, they certainly will. Because it sucks to hear about, like, this happened to Angelina Jolie. There was a certain time when she was the most famous woman in Hollywood. And she didn't say anything about it. And still didn't say anything. Well, they were worried about being blackballed.

I know. It sucks that we live in a culture. So maybe that's why some innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire. So we can obliterate this sort of behavior and attitude from our culture. But in the meantime, while we're going through this, there's going to be some keelers. And there's going to be some people that are going to get caught in the crossfire. Did you ever drink? No.

Never? No, no, no. I never wanted to. When I was in high school, I had friends who would drink and stuff. And I didn't like the taste. I had half a beer at a party one time and I was like, what? This is disgusting. And then it was, you know what really decided it for me it was like the

1999 2000 New Year's like going into you know Y2K going into that I was at a party that I was like

I never want to be like this people were hammered just that was a weird one right everybody was super drunk on Y2K they thought it was the end

they thought it was the end the world the power was gonna shut off forever dude I was taking care of somebody's baby. What? At this party, I had a baby. Who the fuck gave you a baby?

They were drunk. Wait a minute. They got drunk and left you with their baby? I had the baby. It was a crazy party. Who the fuck are these people with a baby? That poor kid is 18 years old now confused as fuck eric griffin was babysitting yeah i was babysitting a baby i'm taking care of people so then then i you hear these rooms you hear these stories about

people die because they're choking on their own vomit so like there's people that are like passed out like this so i gotta turn people to their side and i thought jesus and i said i never want to be like this you were turning people into holding a baby and holding a baby it was the worst it was a shit hole party man and i got invited i got invited i went these were some of my friends i was a clean i was the wolf in this shit dude i was the wolf so if you're having a party and you think it's gonna get crazy you call eric griffin and i'm gonna come i'm the wolf that's the craziest party i've ever heard of so after that i knew i didn't want to so i recently i went with a buddy of mine to on vacation you know and when we went uh that deal was he was like come on man you gotta

have some drinks so i i had like i had like a banana daiquiri on on a you know and i was like this is okay and then i had you know when you go know when you go on a resort vacation, there'll always be like a special at the bar. You know, like, hey, have today's drink. I said, I'll try it. I had like 15% of that thing, and I was... Loopy. Yeah, I was ready to tweet racist shit. So I was like, nah, nah.

What about weed? No weed either. Never? Never. Never. My current girlfriend, she loves weed. So I tried one time.

Yeah, did you get nervous? Yeah, I was like, I don't like this. I was like, how do you, I can't be like this. You know, so that's why I do.

If I didn't have, Joe, if I didn't have comedy, what would you do? I'd be a crazy person. Well, you're a crazy person now. You're just calming it down with comedy. But you're a good crazy person.

You're a very nice guy. I legit need comedy. This sounds like one of those cliche type of things, but I rely on it. I go to therapy. I go to therapy, and it's been great for me. It's really been great. I love going to therapy because I feel like I can talk to somebody and then intellectualize things on a

level that like you can't necessarily do with regular people. And I'm not judged. Someone who understands human nature. Yes. Yes. Yes. And they can go over all why you did this or what, what was the insecurity that triggered that?

Boom. And it applied. And I've learned things about myself. I'm learning things about like, like I was the only child, you know, single mom. So there's all these things I've learning about, why I interact with my girlfriend the way I do because of my mom and like my friendships and why I get angry about certain things.

It applies to things on stage. So I'm really, why I have so many of these types of relationships in my life where people are like needy. I find myself being like the one that's trying to help. I don't have a lot of equal relationships. I learned all these things. You probably felt vulnerable as a kid. And when you see vulnerable people, you want to help them. Yes.

Because you can relate. And my mom, too. My mom went through a lot to get to the States. You know, she was from, you know, Belize, you know, in Central America. And like just coming here and hearing her stories and like, you know, having, having to like be somebody to take, I had, I was 15 years old, having to take care of my mom. Like, you know, you know, her emotions were, and so then I, that had an effect on me, you know, but I didn't learn this until I was able to go talk to a professional.

Are you close with your dad? I had never met my dad, you know, single parent. You never met my dad. So thanks for bringing that up. I don't know mine either. Mine's name is Joe Rogan. Shit, he's out there someplace. He's out there.

Yeah, I've never met my dad. And then I thought people, did you ever want to meet your dad? Did you ever? See, you know what's funny? My mom. I mean, I met him. I knew him until I was like six. Oh, that's worse.

I never knew. So I think that that's when you, if you know him a little bit and then they're gone, that sucks. The good thing is it made me realize that you can't count on people, but you can count on some people. That's trust issues, man. I definitely had trust issues for a long time. That's trust issues right there.

But become someone that people count on and count on people. That's what you do. I have a tight group of friends. Me and my friends are very close. I get it. I would do anything for my friends and family too see i have a certain there's a certain level of loyalty that i have because of that because of that yeah well you understand it whereas someone who grows up in a big household

filled with people and the family was always there and everyone was there you might take people for granted a little bit you know whereas for me camaraderie and closeness and all that that shit means a lot to me. It's very, very important. I remember asking my mom about my dad when I was like, I don't know, 17, 18. And she got really offended. She was like, I raised you. And that made me think, I was like, but women have their secrets.

They have their things. And I didn't want her to, I don't begrudge her. You want to pry. I didn't want to pry. And I didn't want to find out. Maybe he wanted to be in my life. But my mom was like, no, who knows? You know, she could have been vindictive like that, but I don't know. But I didn't hold it against her.

But she told me his name and she was like, if you want to do this on your own, you know, that kind of thing. And I had the name for like a week and then I forgot it. And that told me that it didn't matter. So I, ever since I never worried about it good for you yeah it's there's some people that it bothers them for their whole life tell you one thing that happened though when you have kids you're bond with your kids it's like it's I mean I would assume that everyone's bond with their children is very tight because it's a an unbelievable love connection that you have with children it's a an unbelievable love connection that you have

with children it's a true unconditional love it's not just true unconditional it's like they're a drug like they give you they give you love to the point where like my daughter my my youngest was we were playing the other day in the pool and there was a point in time we were just laughing about something together just laughing and i'm looking at her face and she's laughing and i felt like i was on drugs i was like the love that i have for these people is so it's so intense it's it's it's and it's also i didn't get that when i was a kid i didn't know exactly what you're saying man my parents my you know my mom worked my stepdad was a really good guy but no one was ever around you know there, there's just, there was no, and when they were done working, everybody was tired. You know, I was a latchkey kid, you know.

When I was like seven years old, I lived in San Francisco. I would go out and do a magic show on Fisherman's Wharf by myself. Just wander around the city. They would open the door, you'd just leave. Seven. I can't imagine that. I spent a lot of time by myself, too, because my mom was working and, like, by herself.

Trying to make it, trying to make it trying to make sure that i had a good life so i was just by myself you know eric if you have kids with this young lady or another young lady your connection with that kid will be it'll blow your fucking mind it'll change who you are i feel like that's what i've been lacking that's why i've been more open to you know thinking about these kinds of things you seem like a dad yeah well because i'm looking i'm picturing you a dad right but my whole life i've been like you know i thinking about these kinds of things. You seem like a dad. Yeah. I'm picturing you a dad right now. But my whole life I've been like, you know, I've been that role for so many people in my life.

Right, you were holding a baby and turning over drunks. Yeah, man. I've been taking care of people my whole life, man. It's crazy. So that's why I always feel like, yeah, I've already had, one of my best friends in the world is like someone that I've had to take care of. You know, he's had a little drinking problem. Yeah, but I've been there one of my best friends in the world is like someone that I that's like I've I've had to take care of you know he's had a little drinking problem and yeah but I've been there the whole time and I and even though people would be like you know you you you have to like you know

that people that think that you know you have to let him hit rock bottom and get but I'm just not like that yeah I've been through that too I had a very good friend of mine that's my best friend who died of heroin and he was um uh always fucked up there was always something it was always he had a crack problem for a while and then he got on pills and it was he was either snorting it or it was like he already lying very much reminds me of this guy and joey diaz did a little bit too when i first met joey it was like right after my friend john. Well, it was right before Johnny had died. Johnny was still alive. But I had known people like Joey because of my friend Johnny.

But, you know, it was just I always was there for him. I was always trying to take care of him. I was always trying to help him. But it was just he was always, there was always something going wrong. And it never, but there was these brief moments man where he'd be fine and we'd be laughing and we'd have the best time and that's why you fight for it it's those times because i was always i was always thinking that one day he was going to get it together i had the same thing with my friend it's like it's still going on with me right now it's like you know you know when you have when you deal with someone that deals with depression real

depression you know lost his mother and you know and how that affected his whole life. So I'm there and he's younger than me. So I feel this mentorship and I just feel like a loyalty that I just can't shake. Right. You know, and then I realized that comedy has been dampering my own depressions or my own feelings because I feel like I'm dealing with it in some way. So sometimes I go and talk about things and I talk about things in a way I just know holds bar because I want to I want to get this out. I feel like this, you know, if I don't like something and and then combine that with we live in a society right now where people don't want to necessarily hear an opinion that is not theirs. Well, there's definitely a little of that, right? And so then, therefore, we get this like it becomes tougher and tougher to do what we do, but it's not going to stop me from doing it. But it's sweeter and sweeter when you pull it off, you know,

especially if you pull off some controversial shit. You just got to navigate the waters a little bit carefully. That's exactly what I feel like I've been doing. I think I did it with this special. I think I tried to talk about things in a way where I was like, okay, you may not agree, but you don't have to vilify me. You don't have to like, you know. But anyway, it all goes back to like who we are as people because of like our parents, you know. And it's like I love my mom. I love my stepdad. Stepdad's a great guy. I'm glad he's in my mom's life you know they're off

in spain right now they moved to spain like a like i say like a year and a half ago and so they're there you know and uh i'm happy that she's happy in the later part of her life that's awesome you know yeah that's i mean look man at the end of the day it should be just about enjoying this experience just having time with people you care about and enjoying it. And it's hard to figure out what it, I mean, we're very, very fortunate in a lot of ways. But one of the big ones is that you and I found comedy. And you imagine, I mean, don't you look at other people sometimes and go, how the fuck they live without telling jokes?

Dude. How do they live without killing? Dude, when I see some bullshit happen on TV, I I go that guy needs to go do an open mic set you know you need to go get that out man go get that out well you know that feeling that you get like Friday night in the OR you just smash and you get off stage like tell me there's a better feeling because whatever I was feeling it all goes away yeah. But that's why I feel like, I do think though that sometimes we're putting a damper on it and it doesn't necessarily go away

but we found another outlet to get it out. Well, you just got a little happy pill. It's intoxicating, man. You're taking a little happy pill. Yeah. But you know, there's happiness in all sorts of things that you enjoy doing. I find out, I try to fill my life up with activities that I enjoy doing, but family's

a big one too, man. Family is, um, it's, uh, it's a different thing, man. It changes you. I'm all, I have all daughters. It's all, my house is all, it's so feminine. Everything's female. It's so, I mean, I talked about it on my special about, you know, the Bruce Jenner thing about, you know, like that, uh, my last special, the one before this one. It's just that if you live with crazy bitches long enough, eventually you become one. But it's like I am becoming

more in touch. You're with a more feminine version of yourself? Oh my God, I'm so much more feminine than I've ever been, ever. So much more in tune with how girls think, so much more tolerant of nonsense talk. Because when your kids are talking nonsense talk, it's just different.

But it's just like you realize, if I'm around women when they're talking together and I'm an observer and I watch them, they just talk about different shit, man. I mean, they're... As we've just talked about different shit for like two hours. Yeah, but if you try to interject and go, hey, hey, hey, did you guys see that bare

knuckle boxing fight? That was fucking awesome. I'm like, ugh, let's get away from this idiot. Like for them, what you're interested in is stupid. And for them, you know, they want to talk about whatever the fuck they want to talk about that they're into at the moment, whether it's shoes or the royal wedding or whatever the fuck it is. Relationships have, being in a relationship for this long now has taught me patience.

Patience. It's taught me patience. It's taught me like, you know, that to accept the double standard, that things aren't supposed to necessarily be equal, that they're supposed to be. I always think that it's like one of those scales, you know, and you put stuff in the scale on this side and she puts different things, but that's how you balance out. But they don't have to be the same thing. You know, people don't give love in the same way. So you shouldn't accept, you shouldn't expect it to be the way you give it.

But that becomes a problem. You know, that becomes a problem. I had a girlfriend once that she, she didn't express love in a way that was like hugging and she didn't want to do it that way. She wasn't affectionate. She wasn't affectionate? She wasn't affectionate. She was like, she'd buy me a TV or something. That's so weird.

And I understood, though, because it was because her family wasn't like that. Her family wasn't hugging. They weren't hugging people, but I was. Don't you feel sad for people like that? Yes, I do. Because we need human interaction. We need the connection. We need the connection. We need to, you know,

we need to feel, you know, we need to feel that. And we also need smiles. We need smiles from people. I always tell my girlfriend, like, you know, you're the most beautiful when you're just like

happy and smiling. Because the moment she isn't, it's like, what did I do? That's half of a relationship. I know. It's wondering what you did and wondering if she's mad. Is she mad? What did I do? How you did and wondering if she's mad is she mad what did I do

I know she's mad what did I do or what did she think I did preemptive like if I do that will she get mad oh my god how do I know it's like a da vinci code man we're just trying to figure out that's what I'm learning with her but I remember I was with a girl that I was dating at the time. I was in my 20s.

I was very young at the time. And I was with a couple of my buddies. And we were talking. And this guy was bringing up that this guy was having some crazy problem with his girlfriend. And I said, oh, yeah. I go, she's crazy. And here's the problem. He doesn't want to get rid of i go she's i go she's crazy and here's the problem he don't want to get rid of her because she's fucking hot and i go she's like what's that girl from real housewives

not real housewives desperate housewives terry what terry hatcher this was back like she was in one of those fucking movies one of those summer movies way back in the day. You know, Terry Hatcher's a few years older than me. So this was like, well, I'm talking this conversation took place in the 90s. So I think the way I described it then, I said like a young Terry Hatcher. And this girl got so mad at me. She got so mad at me that I used Terry Hatcher, a young Terry Hatcher, to describe beauty. And I remember sitting there going, what?

What did I do? She goes, you're such an asshole. And I'm like, what did I do? I was talking about this guy's got a girlfriend who's hot. She's hot like a young Terry Hatcher. There she is. Oh, yeah. Dude.

Are you kidding me? She is stupid hot. Like, confusing hot. But she was in, like, some movie where, I forget what the fuck the premise of the movie was, but there was a guy in the movie that couldn't deal with the fact that she was so hot and confused. Anyway. My point is, I didn't get it. was like what did i do wrong of course she

was mad that i didn't use her as an example of someone really hot oh god sometimes she was mad you know what sometimes i know now see here's a problem as comics like we're like uh you know we like to think in logical ways but we also like to analyze things yeah so like you know, we like to think in logical ways, but we also like to analyze things. Yeah. So, like, you know, so, like, she asked, like, oh, if I feel ugly, you have to be, like, you have to know at that moment, oh, is she fishing for me to say. Compliments. Compliment.

Or if, like, or, like, she just woke up and sometimes you just, you have to just be, like, oh, you look so great today. Well, I think you got to pre be like oh you look so great today I think you gotta preemptively just throw those in there just fucking decorate the plate with parsley

and you know what's weird she knows you don't believe it at this particular time you don't think she's beautiful don't say that don't say it on the air

you fucked up dude no I'm saying she's gonna know now I heard you on the podcast with Joe Rogan. No, I'm talking about. Don't fucking bullshit me. I think they know when they just need it and they know you know.

They want you to know that they just need this right now. Whether you want to or not. They know that and then that's what they're really connected to. Oh, he's doing that thing for me. That's all that it is. Do this for me. And some girls don't need that shit at all. Some girls just don't need it. They're like, hey, save that stupid shit.

Those are the ones that need something else. Save that dick. Those girls are like, you save that. You save that and get that dick ready. Yeah, it's been, you know, dating a girl in her 20s is, that's why I had to start doing boxing. But do you think you would be in? I'm not 15.

Right, you gotta get fit. Yeah, I gotta like, you know, I'm like, the things I have to do, I have to like work magic, you know what I mean? Yeah, man, because in a few years, I mean, that's the thing is like there's a definite deterioration of your physical being as you get into your 40s. Yeah. If you don't keep up. I got to keep up. The thing is though, if you keep up. I know I'm not.

Look at me. If you keep it up. I'm a comfortable, fun, cuddly guy, but I got to get there. It's so, it's in my problem. I put on weights. I walk by a donut shop and I'll gain like two pounds. What do you eat? I just eat horrible.

You eat horrible? Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, so your diet's not good. My diet, I got to get that diet in gear. But I don't mind eating well, though. My problem is this. If it's in front of my plate, if it's on my plate, I'll eat it. So I have to cut down on what's on my plate.

Well, when I met you, you were thinner. Yeah, but my weight has always fluctuated. You know why? I remember this. I'll never forget this. We both, our good friend Ari Shafir, I'm in the hallway at the comedy store i just got back from the middle east so i was eating like a fucking arab prince over there just it's just a fat fuck when i came back i'm in mid conversation with ari and in the conversation he leans over and he grabs my cheek

i'm talking about he he he grabs my cheek and he'm talking about he grabs my cheek and he goes like this. He squeezes it and he goes, hey, what's going on? Let me tell you something. I went to the gym the next day and I signed up with a personal trainer. That next day, because the way

he did it, I was like, oh shit, I forgot. I had to was like oh shit it was like i forgot so i had to just get back to it i just been comfortable well he's a comic yeah you know he saw vulnerability oh yeah yeah and he attacked like the devil that he is yeah just hire a train but the thing is man i'm doing the boxing man i just started the boxing you can you can get someone to do like meal plans for you i. There's a bunch of those companies that'll make you healthy meals. Just send me. Yeah, you keep them in the fridge.

See, I want to just do it. I know I can. Because I've done it before. On your own? Yeah, I was vegan for a year. You know, because I did it. Oh my God, I was crazy. But you know what messed me up?

At the end of the year, I did that master cleanse. What's a master cleanse? Remember the master cleanse with cayenne pepper and a maple syrup? That's all you ate for a week? Okay. Okay, that shit. I did it for, you're supposed to do it for 10 days. I got to day five.

Then the two days of you had to let your body get used to having salad and soup. And then I had a fat burger. Like I was bad. I went from not eating meat for a year. But you know what I learned from being vegan for a year is that the meat is not necessarily the main course. It's just a side dish with everything else. So if you have a good thing of broccoli, a good thing of corn, a good thing of mushrooms,

and then you have a good thing of steak. You don't have to have the steak. You can have some great side dishes. Okay. Well, there's a lot of people that eat carnivore diet now. There's a lot of people that are eating just meat. Very interesting. I think it's all about-

Losing a lot of weight. Isn't it all about moderation, man? I don't know. You don't even know? What do you do? It's different for different people. But you work out. You're a workout guy.

I work out a lot. You got monkey bars out there. I try to work. I've been working out twice a day. Well, there you go. My main thing is one hard workout a day and one less hard workout a day. Now, if you think if you didn't do that, that your physical, you'd physically change? Yeah.

Okay. I would diminish for sure. Yeah. Because when I take time off, if I take time off, I notice diminishing. diminishing maybe but maybe that but also let's say a proper average health or even above average health is here maybe what you're doing brings you up here so that diminishing you're talking about it's just going to bring you to a more average normal level but still in great shape yeah maybe you're maybe you're overdoing it i'm just wondering i'm definitely not overdoing it because i i monitor everything i'm making sure that my health is good and my body's in good shape.

But I just know that if you don't use it, you lose it. There's just a fact to that. And when I say a workout twice a day, what it means is usually I'll do yoga during the day, and then at night I'll lift some weights, or I'll run the hills, and then at night I'll lift some weights. You're not doing a Navy SEAL workout twice a day. No, no, no. One of the workouts

is like pretty calm. The weight lifting workouts are almost always pretty calm unless I'm doing like a cardio kettlebell workout or something intense. At this gym they have, you could do the boxing and then on other days you can come and you can do like weight training active weights and that

kind of stuff. So I'm going to start doing that one too. I bet a big thing with you is just what you're eating. Oh, bro. Yeah. The animal cookies, the circus animal cookies I have in my kitchen right now. It's not good.

Not good. But they come in these little packs, but I have a pack of 50. So every time I have one, I think, well, I'm only having, you know,

so I have to, I love to eat, but the weight goes on me so fast it's so annoying that it just sits in my gut area. Especially as you get older. I'm shaped like an ostrich. You know what I mean? I'm big in the middle with little legs. It's harder

and harder as you get older. I know. It's what's happening right now. I gotta stop. That's why you gotta keep up. That's the whole thing. I know man. You gotta maintain. Like I work on my comedy I have to work on my physical at the same time. You'll feel better. I want to feel better. You'll have way more energy.

Cut out the sugar. Cut out the greens. Here we go with the sugar. That's it. Cut out sugar and grains, you'll lose 30 pounds. Cut out everything that is delicious. Just eat salads and fish. Eat healthy.

Have some red meat. But in moderation. Don't eat crazy. I'm all about that. Don't eat fries. A lot of chicken. No fries. Drink a lot of water. meat, but in moderation. Don't eat crazy. I'm all about that. Don't eat fries. A lot of chicken. No fries? Drink a lot of water.

Yeah, fries are bullshit. It's mostly just potatoes and oil. You know? What are you getting out of that, really? When's the last time you had some fries? The other day. Yeah, exactly. You know what you get out of it.

They're delicious. Yeah, but you just can't have it all the time. I know. That's the thing. I had some pasta the other night. That's what I'm saying. It's all moderation, man. Saturday night, I ate at a nice Italian restaurant.

I had some pasta last night. Some spaghetti with some fucking marinara sauce and some shrimp. It was delicious. We just had the same meal. I had that last night. Yeah. Every now and then. Some shrimp duvalo or whatever you say it.

Diablo. Diablo. The devil. The devil's in the details. The devil's food. Yeah, I like it. It tastes good, but I just don't allow myself to do it very often. Most of the time, I eat real clean.

Good for you. I'm trying to get there, buddy. You can do it. I know. Okay, don't get defensive. No, I'm saying I've done it. I'm in your corner. I'm not defending.

You're all angry. I'm mad at- See how angry he is, Jay? I'm mad at me because I know I should be doing this. You're going to run out of here and go right to the gym, aren't you? I'm not going to leave the building. You don't have to. Just go right over there. That's what I'm mad at me because I know I should be doing this. You're ready to run out of here and go right to the gym. I'm not going to leave the building. You don't have to. Just go right over there.

That's what I'm saying. You don't have to leave the building. There's plenty of equipment. We could work out side by side. I know. Come on. I should have brought my stuff. I got stuff for you.

Of course. This is me trying to get out of it already. You know what I mean? I didn't bring my. Joe, I got my shoes. I didn't bring my orthopedics I think for comics it's like it's important to

alleviate a certain amount of angst you want to go on stage with a certain amount where you're upset and you know you're like pissed off at shit but you don't want to go upset on stage hating yourself

right you know this is the same thing I don't like comics that go on stage drunk right I don't like comics they need this alcohol

or people that think weed like you know people that think weed like i don't mind saying weed makes you lazy but lazy people shouldn't smoke weed right i know what you're saying well as a person who smokes weed it really bothers me because i'm not lazy at all and i just i hate that connection between lazy people and weed because i don't think that's I don't think that's what makes you lazy. No, no, no. I agree. That's why I'm saying I'm not saying it makes you lazy. No.

But if you're already lazy and then you do this, it's not going to be a winning combination. It's not just that. It just looks bad. And you blame it on the weed. Look at J.R. Smith. I think that was a weed situation. Who's J.R. Smith? Oh, you don't even know.

He don't even know. Cleveland Cavaliers. Look at Jamie Johnson to press the microphone. I know that guy. I know that guy. I know what we're talking about. That's a game situation. Who's J.R. Smith? Oh, you don't even know. He don't even know. Cleveland Cavaliers. Look at Jamie Johnson to press the microphone. I know that guy. I know that guy. I know what we're talking about. That's the game. That's the game.

The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The game. The Cleveland Cavaliers. He did something really stupid.

It was like three, four seconds left. Their tie ball game. Right. One of their other guys is at the free throw line. He misses the free throw. J.R. Smith grabs the ball. Instead of putting it up to win the game, he dribbles out because he thought that they were up.

And the look on his face was like that, kind of like, I've seen this high look before. I'm not saying he was on weed, but I have heard stories that he smokes a lot of weed. And I'm saying those weed people out there, there's an example of it. There are brilliant people that smoke weed. There are successful... Look at LeBron. That are brilliant people that smoke weed. They are successful.

Look at LeBron. That's the look LeBron had on his face. What the fuck, man? What are you doing? First of all, how jacked is LeBron? Look at those fucking shoulders. Dude, 6'9", 250, probably 6% body fat. Look at the shoulders on that guy.

33 years old, too. And he's getting better. Yeah, it's unbelievable. His shoulders are fucking epic years old, too. And he's getting better. Yeah, it's unbelievable. His shoulders are fucking epic. Yeah, man. There's another picture of him like straight on where he literally looks like an Avenger. Like he could be like some sort of like.

Keep him the fuck away from Jeff Nowitzki. You know, look at that picture. Look at that picture of them right there. That one where J.R. Smith is smiling. Dude, he is jacked. Oh, yeah, he's high as fuck. 100%. Oh, that's a high guy. He just gets high.

And I think that... Stoners understand other stoners. I think that he got like a... He had a little brain slip. I guarantee he did. You know, when people were paying you $17 million? Or they paid him off to try to drag it into seven games. That's what Jamie thinks.

Oh, my God. Oh, he's high as fuck. Here you guys go. That's... Boom! That's him. Yeah, but there's plenty of pictures of me that look like that, too, where I'm sober. They catch you. They catch you blinking.

You could just look up J.R. Smith High, and I'm sure there's a website. So he smokes a lot of weed. Oh, yeah, there he is. Smoking weed. Well, there you go. Well, doesn't one of those things that the NBA has in their contract where they don't test for weed? They do test, but it's not as

stringent as everywhere. They test for weed? Mm-hmm. But these guys are all getting high. Yeah. Locker rooms have been- Here's the thing. For pool, I told you I play pool. Pool, marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug, 100%.

It makes my game 10% better. I don't believe you. You don't have to. I'm telling you. Weed does not make your pool game better. It does. It makes you more sensitive. Trust me. It's the reason why your pool game better. It does. It makes you more sensitive. Trust me.

It's the reason why basketball players find it better too. It puts them into some sort of a zone. Now, are you saying that LeBron James needs weed? No. Look, there's a lot of pro pool players who are top of the food chain who don't do anything. Right. But a lot of guys who like it say that weed bumps their game up quite a bit. And I'm one of them. It makes me play better.

I'm telling you you You don't know Because you don't smoke weed You need to experiment Okay I want to experiment I want you to play Do you play? You're going to play pool

Do you play? No You're going to play pool sober Okay Okay And then you're going to See your results And then

See the problem is If I play pool sober And then I smoke high I smoke pot and get high I will have been warmed up by the playing pool sober, and I'll definitely play better high anyway. Separate days. But the problem with separate days is your body has to be perfectly in tune

in order to get real accurate results, because one day I could have lifted weights, which fucks up your pool game like nothing. Here we go. I'm telling you. Just being honest with you. Just pick two days. One of my best games, I was medicated. Matt Barnes

on his game day use of marijuana. Matt Barnes, who will not be in the Hall of Fame. No. He's a good player? He's alright. He's just alright. He's a role player. I want Michael Jordan to come out and say that. Then I'm going to be like, oh wow. I want someone like that.

Don't tell me about the role players. Well, see, you're saying this, though, as a guy who doesn't smoke pot. But I'm telling you, for jiu-jitsu, it's a huge part of the jiu-jitsu world. A lot of people get high and then do jiu-jitsu. And they say it makes their game better. What's the practical use of jiu-jitsu? Well, if you and I were in a fight, I would kill you. I think you would kill's practical you would kill me anyway but that would be the practical okay so it's just for that moment

but well but any other time but no no it's not just would you want to be high if you were like walk into your car late at night and then three guys came at you and you would would you want to let me ask you what's the perfect circumstance then you're it's late at night you're headed to your car. I don't think you understand marijuana at all. I'm just saying, would you prefer to be sober or high? I'd be fine with that. You'd be fine with either one?

Yeah. Okay, good then. Depends. I mean, I'm not going to be able to do anything different if I'm sober or high. We're not talking about drunk. Now, if you said, would I want to be drunk or sober? Fuck yeah, I'd want to be sober. Oh, no, I'm not.

I get it. If I'm worried about getting hit and I'm not sure about reaction time. One of the things about pot is it makes you a little bit paranoid, so it puts you on edge. It makes you aware of shit. Okay. The other thing is it focuses you very cleanly on what you're doing. Oh, there's a lot of potheads out here just really happy. If you're drawing. No, I like it.

But if you're drawing or music or something along those lines where you're really trying to focus a lot, like writing, a lot of people really like it for those things because it makes you really focus on what you're doing. Tunnel vision. But then I think what happens then is that whatever they were doing on that, they don't apply it to, because I have a lot of,

we all have a lot, we both have a lot of, we all have a lot, we both have a lot of pothead comedian friends. Yeah, but. And there's some of them I know that when I started with them, I know that they're not doing what they're doing now. They didn't keep going, exceed their expectations,

and I know part of it was because of the pot. I don't think it is. I think the pot is just something that you can use as an excuse. It's not. The common denominator is no work ethic. Agreed. The common denominator is that it don't think it is. I think the pot is just something that you can use as an excuse. It's not. The common denominator is no work ethic. Agreed. The common denominator is it didn't help.

And it didn't help, the work ethic. I don't think it hurts or helps. I think it's just a factor. You should see a study on this. Yeah, I mean, the study would be skewed because a lot of failures that get high all the time would be in the study. Right. But a lot of winners that get high all the time don't want to talk about it. By the way, I'm with you 100% on this.

What I hate is that the people that don't have any work ethic, they look at somebody with a work ethic that smokes weed and then say, well, look, they made it because they smoke weed. And I'm like, no, they would have made it without the weed. Yeah, they would have made it without the weed. That's what I'm saying. Before I ever smoked weed, I was already on television. I already had a Warner Brothers CD. I didn't start smoking weed until like 2000.

Listen, I'm not anti-weed, but I just think that with anything, there should be moderation. Yes. No, I agree. I agree. One of the best things I did last year was Ari and Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer and I, we did this sober October thing where for a whole month, no booze, no pot, and we had to do 15 hot yoga classes in the month. And I learned a lot in that month. I really did.

Are you a different person because of it? No, it was good. You got to get out of here. Yeah, I have another. Really? Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's already 220, bro. Yeah, I'm doing another one. What are you Christ. It's already 2.20, bro.

Yeah, I'm doing another one. What are you doing? I'm going to see Barry Katz, if you can believe that. Oh, congratulations. Barry Katz is a podcast. That's going to be an interesting day for me. What was we just? Oh.

About the pot. I forget what I was going to say. Stoner thought. No, it's not whether or not you smoke pot. It's whether or not you get things done and whether or not you write out what you're supposed to do, whether or not you actually try to achieve goals, whether or not you're actively trying to improve whatever you're doing, whether you build cars or make carpet cabinetry. It's just about whether or not you're working towards succeeding and improving.

I agree. Listen, I agree with you. I'm not anti-pot. I'm not. I agree with you. But based on evidence of the people that are around a lot of us, we should be anti-pot. I should be anti-pot. Dude, I know a lot of people that made me sad.

Like I'd run into them at the comedy store and they'd be like, bro, you got any weed on you, man? Yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, you're you got any weed on you, man? Yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, you're not doing anything. You're not doing anything with your life, and you want some weed. Go get a job. Those are the people I see. Get some weed, yeah.

But then you also see guys like Ari, who get high all the time, and they're constantly working. Or Doug Benson, who's like the most functional pothead I've ever met in my life. He's high all day. He's a weird one. Or Snoop Dogg. Yeah. So there are people, but these are people that are, they are the

exceptions, not the rule. I wonder. There's a lot of people on Wall Street that get high. There's a lot of people that are involved in like the tech world that get high a lot and what people think about it is that, look, it's like everything else, man. It can be good for you or it could fuck your world up.

You know, I mean. Moderation. I think there's some benefit to it and what the benefit is vulnerability creativity it makes you feel vulnerable it makes you re-examine things makes you look at i mean people call it paranoia i just think it broadens your your awareness i think it's a stand-up you already have a level of vulnerability just going on stage and talking about things for sure so that's like my sure there's some of that i just feel like that's my drug. It's a good drug.

I mean, it's definitely not one that's going to ruin your life, hopefully. Yeah. Unless you tell a bad Planet of the Apes joke on Twitter. Oh, wow. On that Aryan Ambien, you know what I mean? Aryan Ambien. She got that old school Ambien.

She got that Ambien from the motherland. I hope she bounces back, but I don't know if she will. Has anybody bounced back from this new era of fucking hate and anger? No one has bounced back. Well, I don't think, like, Aziz wasn't taken out. I don't think his show was canceled or anything like that. No, he didn't have a show except the Netflix show and he didn't do anything to the point where it was like a crime

but a lot of people went after him like that Samantha Bee lady went after him. Oh, she's going hard at everybody. Yeah, she's going hard at everybody. That's her thing. Yeah, it becomes a shtick at a certain point. It loses credibility. Sort of. She means it.

Yeah, she means well. It's an important voice. The problem with going hard on a person is you're only getting one version of what happened. We're not talking about going hard on a person who committed a crime. You're going hard on a person that's involved in an interaction with two people.

What I would like to see, though, is someone like Samantha Bee to ask Aziz to come on her show. Oh, he wouldn't do that. And then him do it. No, but that's what I'm saying is that's what we're missing. She's already attacked him. It's all entertainment. I mean, it's like

isn't that the whole point of it? It probably hurts for him. Well, unless he can handle himself in that forum, I would like to see that. I see even that. I think those forums are hard to do. You know i did uh ben shapiro's podcast um that just aired yesterday and he has a sunday special thing that he does and is an hour

long and every 15 minutes he stops the conversation and does a commercial and while i was sitting there doing i was like i really like the guy i really like talking to him brilliant guy but this is not the best way to stay loose and have a conversation. Like this podcast. Oh, I got you. I get you. This is the best format, man. Yes, it is.

The kind of conversations that we've had over the past three hours, this is the best format. Because you just talk. Nothing interrupts you. There's no censors. Yeah, there's no thing you have ahead of time. Please don't talk about this. Right. And also, it's best with friends

like you know i care about you you know your friend you know we're gonna have fun and there's no i'm not looking to get you or be weird with you gotcha gotcha podcast i'm trying to have fun with you and we had fun you know and this this is like the best format to get to understand people i think what we're missing today in this world, and this is just an open thoughtgregious crimes that need to be corrected, like Harvey Weinstein or like, you know, fill in the blank with all the other monsters that have been out there. It's late. I know people keep... Keep texting

you. Yeah. On your phones. On your watch. That is weird. It's different colors all the time. It's always changing. Hit that X. What happens when you hit that X? You hit the X and then it just goes to whatever else. I think somebody's listening to our podcast right now and somebody texted my girlfriend and she's like

she just sent me a text message right now. You better not be married. I don't know what that means. But anyway, my point is I'm hoping that it all balances out. I hope that it comes back around and people just understand the value and just be nice to each other.

Well, man, we just have to lead by example. That's all it is. It's a hard thing. We have to lead by example. And that's why I'm saying these issues that men, as a man, what we're having out here is we forgot how to be gentlemen. I think that if, like, say, in the Z situation, if he had just been a gentleman. I don't know what he did I don't know if he had been in that situation

I'm not comfortable even saying it what I read the story it was just he was trying to get with her you know they were texting back and forth and it was like yo yo yo they went to dinner they ended up at his place

and it was you know it was like maybe you don't bring a chick that you barely know to your place now maybe there should be different types of etiquette yeah for sure right if you're a guy like a Z's too

but if you're a guy like that I mean you know have you heard Tony talk about this. Women are throwing themselves at you all the time. What are you supposed to do? Act like a gentleman, is what I'm saying. That shouldn't be the excuse. The excuse shouldn't be as like, you know, like,

that's like a man way to say it, too. It'd be like, you know, you got all these hot chicks. Like, you know, what am I supposed to say no to these hot chicks? Yeah, maybe you should. Wow, look at you. Being all judgmental. Here's the guy who had the girl come back to his place. You didn't say no to her. I should have.

That's my whole point. I should have. I should have, like, stopped it. But I let my own ego get in the way. I let my own, like, you know, insecurity of being like, well, this girl really is into me. So let me go through. Hey, hey, just because you can doesn't mean you should. Let's end it with that.

I think we should. And when is your special? When is your special? June 8th on Showtime, 10 p.m. That's this weekend. Friday. Friday night. June 8th, Friday night.

But I'll also be at the Irvine Improv on Friday. Oh, shit. All weekend I'll be at Irvine. Damn. So if you want to come see me there. And then Showtime, I'm dying to appear, is airing right now on Showtime. Episode 6 will be next Sunday so check me out

at Eric Griffin I love you beautiful thank you brother appreciate being on man that was fun thanks for having me you know what I mean I really appreciate it do it again let's do it again you should do your own I will you'll be on it right I'll be on it you'll be my first guest on the Eric Griffin podcast woo

I got it all music