The Joe Rogan Experience - #1128 - Ryan Sickler

Episode Date: June 6, 2018

Ryan Sickler is a stand up comedian and co-host of "The Crabfeast Podcast" available on Spotify. https://www.thecrabfeast.com/

five four three two one ryan sickler brought some baltimore work ethic i can't believe you got actual pieces of paper that you brought yeah i kind of comic are you what are you prepared i'm prepared man i'm prepared this is just shit to come back to that baltimore accent is so when i have two very good friends my good friend john roo and my good friend Ben O'Brien, both from Baltimore. Both got that weird, like if you don't know that Baltimore. Yeah, it's a weird accent. It's like, what is that? Hey, Joe Rogan.

Hey, Joe Rogan. I love your podcast, Joe. It's a weird accent. It's so fucking weird. And people there are like like hardcore they say shit like for sink they'll say zinc kitchen zinc ambulance like zinc i um i didn't realize i had a southern accent until i moved here and i still don't believe i have a southern accent i'll give it a draw i'll give it a draw it is a southern accent draw it's a different one it's not alabama that's mississippi south it's a friendly

southern accent like it's not it's not like man i can't talk to this motherfucker right but it's like oh where are you from it's one of those people are always surprised when i say maryland but when you get into pockets of like uh virginia they've got a southern accent there even when you go into like indiana there's certain areas of indiana that have a southern accent there. Even when you go into Indiana, there are certain areas of Indiana that have a southern accent and other places that don't. It's really weird about these little settlements, and they've just developed these accents that just stay there. I think Baltimore is one of the most misunderstood, though.

That's a weird one, because it's a big city. I mean, Baltimore is a big city. They call it the big little city. Yeah. How many people live in Baltimore, if you had to guess? A couple million? I'd say that's fair. Yeah, that's a fucking city.

It's a big city. Bigger than San Diego, right? Yes, yeah. And older. It's got history, you know. That's the thing. A lot of history. But that weird-ass accent, that if you don't know anybody from Baltimore, you don't know that accent.

My buddy owns a junkyard in the city, and I took Jay back when we were on tour. I was like, you've got to come meet him, see this junkyard and shit. And, you know, people drop. He's like, oh, we're doing everything. And he's like, did you just put a K on the end of that right there? Everything? Everything, yeah. You guys don't know anything you're doing over there.

And also, for years, I said Washington, D.C., washer and dryer, because everyone there says it. Right. And one day somebody said, wait, what'd you say? I said, put it in the washer. And they're like, spell washer, W-A-S-H-E-R. I'm like, there's no R in that. And I was like, huh? And I started saying to myself, I'm like, oh, my God, I do fucking say Washington and washer.

So I trained myself to get out of that. But anytime I see something political on TV, if I hear someone say, we're in Washington, then I'm like, oh, you're in that, you're from that area. The same way with the days of the week, I was telling you, Monday, Tuesday, we do our podcast, Crab Feast comes out every Tuesday. And I listen to announcers like Phil Sims. He's like, well, they were working out on Monday. And I'm like, yeah, you're from probably from that area. That's how I pick up little shit like that. Yeah, well, I grew up in Boston. That's an obvious accent.

Everybody knows that accent. But you don't have it. I got rid of it. Oh, so you did have it. I shook it loose. Set that shit adrift. But if you hear me from like early, pre-2000, I had it. I heard it too much. I heard it in my own voice I

was like ew and then I got rid of it first time I heard I was 19 I did this thing I was on local television at 19 and I heard my voice my accent I was like what in the fuck is that sound coming out of my mouth I gotta correct that do you ever slip into it if I'm hammered if I'm hammered and I'm around Boston people yeah it'll come out a little bit. But just to touch. Just to touch. Otherwise, it would be fake. Mine comes out more.

Like, I'll go home for a week in the summer. By midweek, I'm just talking way. You're home. Oh, yeah. I'm home. I'm home on the phone right now. That's another one dropping an N on the end of now. We're going to come over right now.

Now. Like, what? you swallow your l's you say uh let me get a salad and uh belly belly what do you want to have he's gonna have a salad too he's out in the alley right now like there's no l there's no l how is that there's no l people some people i say balt with a D. I put a touch of a D on it. Bald. Baltimore. Baltimore. Versus Baltimore. Like Baltimore.

Right. But. Baltimore. I'll bet your friends probably say Balmer. That's how like a hardcore, like when you ask, you know, out here you can ask anyone, where are you from? When you ask somebody back there, they're like, they don't even say like another area of Maryland.

They just go here. You know, I haven't left here. This fucking block right here. Like, what are you talking about? This is where I'm from. Like, this fucking house right here. Yeah, man. There's something about me that envies people that are just, like, super locals.

They just say, fuck it. This is my spot. That's another great name. Super locals. Yeah, man. That's the truth. There's people that are like that, right? They just, like, this is where I fucking live.

This is my bar. I'm like Denver, Colorado. Every place else can go fuck off. There's people like that. I mean, it's like there's something to that, right? You know that spot, and you're like, I get it. I get the rest of the country. Good luck.

Good luck with all that. If you didn't live here chasing those Hollywood dreams, where would you be? In a perfect world world i'd probably have a house right on the y river in maryland uh salt water i'd have four wheelers i'd uh throw some traps out in the water on monday oh crab traps yeah bro and by now here's the this is how you say the day saturday And by Saturday. Saturday. By Saturday, we'll have a fucking. Crab feast.

Goddamn right. Hence the podcast name. That's right. And every week I would have my own. I'd just throw them out there. Because that's one thing I really miss about Maryland. Like the sushi out here is phenomenal. But the seafood there is.

Different. We could go to a dive bar right now and have a plate a bucket of rocks like little pony rolling rocks and a plate of mussels marinara that will blow any fucking restaurant out here out in a dot in a dive blues bar i miss the readiness of an availability of delicious seafood everywhere i go that's interesting yeah there's not a lot of really good seafood restaurants it's just sushi out here yeah that's a real Yeah, there's not a lot of really good seafood restaurants. There's just sushi out here. Yeah. That's a real good point. It's like, what do you get out here for seafood? Like,

someone will have salmon on the menu, or maybe there's, like, haddock or something like that, or halibut. You know, it's not like, like, back home in Boston, it was legal seafoods was a big joint. Yes, 100%. I mean, people went to a seafood restaurant. Yep. Seafood restaurants not popular out here. No. Why is that? And we're on the water. Yeah. I mean, people went to a seafood restaurant. Yep. Seafood restaurant's not popular out here.

No. Why is that? And we're on the water. Yeah. I mean, we're a coastal fucking state. Like, why aren't we embracing? There's an ocean right there. Yeah, what the fuck?

Why aren't we embracing that? Not only that, you go to that ocean, it's hardly anybody fishing. Yep. That's a weird one. Like, California, like, go to the, like, all up by Santa Santa Monica, like Malibu, hardly anybody fishing. You might see one or two people. I just looked up best bass fishing out here in California. Because my brother just bought a place in Delaware on, the water's brackish, but it's not enough to keep crabs.

But he's pulling out largemouth and sending me pictures. I'm like, good for you and go fuck yourself, he just i mean nice big fat ones out here they grow them big they do uh they say castaic's good i gotta get up there and go again but pyramid they said but during that drought i feel like that i feel like pyramid dried up a little bit no no you could drive by it you can yeah i i drive by it on the way up to tahone ranch it's a beautiful lake pyramid is like one of them lost lakes that people don't know about um but yeah i would live there on the water and uh i mean i miss my dad wasn't outdoors i was talking to you about this at the comedy store my dad hunted and stuff but fished but uh he really got us into crabbing and

not just throwing traps in the water we used to we had a trot line we used to run a trot line so this is if i could my father died when i was 16 i've always thought about this if i had 24 hours if my dad could come back here right now for 24 hours what would i do and we'd be up on the water crabbing at 5 a.m sun up that's right when you're allowed to start dipping and then home by 11 and then steam them up have a big ass fucking crab feast and probably watch a game i'll be like hey these are the ravens you know you know they weren't here when you died wow and then play catch into the night that would be what i would do but we had um so he he had a friend that lived on the eastern shore that was a crab uh a crabberman, I guess.

But he taught us how to do a homemade one. So we had this, he went and bought this john boat, this old wood john boat. What's a john boat? John boat's a flat bottom boat versus the V bottom. And it was wood, not aluminum. This one was white, painted up, just a beater, you know. And we had a Johnson johnson um motor yeah every time i hear that alan jackson song drive he talks about uh uh 75 johnson with an electric choke i'm like oh

taking me back but so that was our boat that was our our little rig it's me and my two brothers and my dad and what you do to do a homemade when you take a bucket five gallon bucket uh or even just a smaller one a quick just some quick crete with an eye hook in it okay tie your rope here to some chain other side of the chain another rope up to a clorox bottle so that's your float on this side okay chain 50 yards of rope chain 50 yards same setup i just told you on the other end so the clorox bottles just so you know where you are that's right that's your beginning and your end and then every three feet and this dude was so ahead of his time like this we're talking about mid 80s late mid to late 80s we're doing this's like, go to the butcher and get bull lips.

Bull lips? Yeah, the discarded lips of bulls, actual bull lips. And that's going to be your bait because crabs are the biggest scavengers. You can use chicken necks are popular. That's an easy one because you just go to the grocery store. But you've got to go to a fucking butcher to get bull lips. I don't know anybody's got those at the grocery store. Is it more effective?

It's just stank and nasty. Like using chicken liver for catfish? Exactly. But also, it's durable because these things are eating it. That's going to be your line for most of the summer. You might have to replace one or two, but that's a durable bait that can withstand crabs tearing it up for three months. Really? Yeah. Three months?

Well, if you're going out over the summer, I'm saying, let's say you go crabbing 10 times during the summer, you can probably get away with that whole trot line. Maybe replace one or two that might slip out because you freeze it. So, all right. You freeze the lips. Yeah. Well, you tie them every three feet. Right.

And then that's your trot line. How big is a bull lip? About that big, but fat. Like a couple inches. Well, they cut them. I'm sorry. Yeah, they'll slice them. So they look almost like fat eels, you know, little tiny.

Or leeches. Let me say leeches. Oh, wow. Leeches. So then you get out. You're allowed sun up. You're only allowed two bushel without a permit, a license. So we're out there.

Without a commercial license? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Two bushels is a lot. What's two bushel? What does that look like? Two bushel baskets, like apple baskets. But you're getting, that's the thing is, you buy them, you'll get maybe seven, eight dozen. But if you're going out, you're throwing the shit away.

You'd pay good money for it at the store because you're getting the best. Big suckers. There is nothing better than pulling it right out of the water and taking it home and eating it. Not getting it from the store. been you know who who knows how they stored it and there's dudes on the side of the road that when they have more they'll just pull over in their pickup truck they'll put a fucking cardboard sign down 20 bucks bushel and you just get them and go right that's something i miss um damn you make me hungry i'm dude these are what kind of blue crabs blue crabs that's right so you get out you

put a little two by four across your oar holes drop your bolts in there that's your wood at the end you have an empty spool a rope okay empty one and you just stealth everything we were talking about those slow riding harleys you stealth ride your boat uh and you got to be steady someone reaches over. They pull the rope up, put it on the spool, and then your natural progression forward slowly brings the line up and then sets it back down in the water. And you got to go slow because you're pulling those crabs up from the bottom. They'll stay on the whole time. And then you're just fucking dipping and dumping, dipping and dumping.

Wow. And then the tide will come in. You hop out of the boat, swim around a little bit. You get the soft crabs, the ones that are coming closer to shore to molt their shell so they can get bigger. And then those you take. We get about six, eight of those. Take those home.

Crab. You're having the time of your fucking life. Soft shell crabs are fantastic. It's so good. Those are so good with lemon and butter. God, my stomach turned. I love it. That's what I would do.

That's exactly where I'd be. Dude, I ran into John Reap last night. You know, Reap is a road warrior, you know, constantly on the road. And we were talking last night. He's like, I'm not sure why I'm still in L.A. He goes, I don't have to live here. He's like, I'm here all the time. I'm doing sets and everything like that. He goes, but I'm on the why I'm still in LA. He goes, I don't have to live here. He's like, I'm here all the time. I'm doing sets and everything like that.

But he goes, but I'm on the road, man. And I go, where are you going to move to? And he goes, dude, I'm going to get a fucking house on the lake in North Carolina.

Oh, I thought it sounded amazing. I keep talking, I'm going to take my pants off. Tell me more. In a lake, you got woods, you got woods out there,

man. What's it look like? What's it look like in the lake? How clear is the water? You know? That sounds perfect to me. I got a buddy who's got a place in Coeur d'Alene, and they sent pictures. And, dude, you could be in, like, 60 feet of water, and you take a picture, and you see every pebble on the bottom of the water.

I mean, it was just crystal clear. It's like a big old bottle of Fiji. Yeah. You just see everything on the bottom of the water. I mean, it was just crystal clear. It's like a big old bottle of Fiji. Yeah. You just see everything on the bottom. Big old northern pike swimming around in there. Oh. Yeah. Idaho, baby.

Fishing, crabbing. Yeah, I've been to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Driving to Montana from Seattle. Cut through there. I've never been to Idaho. I'm going for the first time. I'm in Boise this month right all right soon someone sometime soon i love that i just love country i mean we were i was born in the

city but we only lived there till my parents had my younger brother almost when we were four we got out of there um bigger house more land and stuff like that so you know you live in a row home there's no i mean our backyard was the size of this table right you know what i mean yeah um so i grew up out in the county about 20 miles or so outside the city and my dad was like look i want you to get a good school education but all of my family was in baltimore he's like that's where you're going to go get your street education i'm so glad because i see shit from a mile away. A mile away. Larson's always like, I don't even know how you do it. We were at Denver.

We were in Denver at the end of 2016. We were doing our tour and we like to walk home from the shows at night. We'll smoke a little joint, take a walk, enjoy your city, whatever. And he's like, oh, there's nothing wrong with Denver. I'm like, Denver's got a cops episode, bro. You know, like settle down. You gotta fuck, you know what I mean?

There's some spots. There's a couple pockets. There's some spots where you can go wrong. And we're about to take this walkway underneath this tunnel, and this sketchy fucking, like, white dude sketched out just starts circling us with those dark eyes and this crazy smile. And traffic is hauling ass right close by us, right? And Jay's like, what are we going to do? And I was like, we're going to stay over here by this traffic,

and if that dude charges us, I'm shoving him right into that fucking traffic. That's exactly what the fuck we're going to do. I'll bait him over here, just shove him right out there, let those cars kill him. I was ready to go. Damn. Because he said, have a good night. He said shit like, yeah, he was saying shit like that.

And I was like, yeah. One of those guys. Yeah. Yeah. What do you do if you kill someone like that? Do you tell anybody? Like, it's just you and Jay. Well, these days, everything's on camera.

What cameras? There's eye in the sky. Eye in the sky. The big government. I would tell. Yeah, I would tell. That one I would, because I feel like that's self-defense. Maybe.

Even if you're leaning toward me the wrong way. People find out about it. They bring it up at your show. Hey, bro, kill any people today? Kill any veterans? Shove a guy in the traffic, man. Kill any veterans? You know, the guy's a veteran. That's right.

What if he is? Could be PT to SD all fucked up. You're right. And then I start a movement. Gotta be careful. Yeah, you're right. Maybe the guy just needs a hug. Problem is, you never know.

Not when you say shit like that. You circle. And he circled us like four times. He just kept circling. Yeah. I hadn't thought to ask if he wanted a hug. I'm gonna try that shit next time. Hey, man, you want a hug?

Yeah. Yeah, dude. When you hear I was stabbed to death on the sidewalk in Denver, just know I tried to hug it out. Yeah. Yeah. tried to hug it out yeah yeah you ever been outside of denver like evergreen you ever go up there i've been to no i haven't been to evergreen i've been to colorado springs evergreen has uh the northern pike has a cousin the musky it's the their evil cousin they eat ducks and shit

you ever see a muska lunge-lunge? No. Dude. They eat whole ducks? Oh, yeah. They're prehistoric. I'm going to look that shit up. It's a giant-ass fish. But when I was up there, the week I was up there, someone on Facebook or something like that, I was like, damn, Evergreen's beautiful.

This place is gorgeous. And I just was looking up shit on Evergreen, and I saw some guy pulled one through the ice that was fat around like a girl's waist. See if you a that's what they look holy shit yeah it's a big ass animal that guy caught that one in wisconsin yeah look at that one above it look at that one above it look at the size of that fuck and they look like tigers yeah stripes that's a tiger meets a python meets a fish yeah it's an evil fish. They're fucking prehistoric, and they're ruthless, man. I mean, I feel like you'd be fighting that thing like a marlin for like two hours.

Yeah, especially if you have light tackle. Do you need to be strapped in a chair for that thing? No, but... Look at that. Four people holding that one. Oh, yeah, you're going to battle. You're going to battle. Look at the fucker. Oh, that's not a muskie.

That doesn't look like a muskie to me. That looks like a gar. What is that? The caption says arapaima. Oh, arapaima. Yeah, that's that gigantic fish that lives in Bolivia, in Ecuador. Arapaima is a fish that lives in the Amazon, I believe, somewhere in the rainforest. And the locals used to catch them all the

time it was like a big thing for their food but they're worth so much money for uh Americans to go down and fish for them and now they protect them uh my good friend Steve Rinella has a podcast called Meat Eater and uh he went down and uh episodes. He also has a TV show, and they filmed some episodes of their show in Peru and in Bolivia. And those people, the locals, they make whatever money that they actually do make, they make a big portion of it, some of them do, helping people fish for these things, acting as a guide. Look at the size of these things. Look at that.

Prehistoric giant animal. And they survive in water when there's a drought. So when the water gets, like, super low, they're surviving in water where, like, literally, like, the water's up to half their face, and there's water running around. So you could just walk right up to them and catch them. Damn, I wouldn't walk up to anything with teeth like that. Well, they don't have teeth as big as the muskies. If you go back, Jamie, to those pictures, see, there's a bunch of them in water where

their upper body is exposed. Yeah. The water's so shallow. And they're so enormous. I mean, these are huge, huge fish. These are dinosaur fish. You ever seen a gar? Do you know what a gar looks like?

Uh-uh. Pull ever seen a gar? Do you know what a gar looks like? Pull up an alligator gar. Alligator gar is, that is a truly prehistoric fish. Like, I don't think it's changed in millions and millions of years. That's an alligator gar. Holy shit. I've never seen that thing in my life. Yeah.

These things live in Texas. They're here in the States? Yeah. Yeah. People fish for them, and they live in Texas. They're here in the States. Yeah, yeah. People fish for them, and they get fucking huge. Oh, man. Look, that one right there is clear that it is the head of an alligator and the body of a fish. It's called a what? An alligator gar. And their body is armored.

Like, those scales, you have to cut through them with wire cutters. Like, if you try to cut through that shit with, a regular, like a buck knife or something like that. No offense to buck. You know, like a Swiss Army knife or some shit. It's not good enough, man. Look at the size of that one that guy's holding in the water. Look at the fucking size of that thing. Pull up giant alligator gar.

See if you, because I think they get into the hundreds of pounds. I mean, what are you catching these with? What is bait for this? That's a good question. Something big. Jesus Christ. Look at that. Look at his arm and the mouth of that fucker. Look at that fucker.

Jesus Christ. If I saw a glimpse of that pop up out of the water, I'd cut my own line I'd say fuck that fish Look at that thing, it's such a creepy old dinosaur I mean it towers over that guy It's not even close 8 feet 3 inches long

230 pounds Holy shit And that's a freshwater animal too 327 Broken Bow Lake, Oklahoma. God! Look at that thing. That is ridiculous.

That is so crazy. It looks like two dolphins stuck together. Look at that thing. Fuck. And you eat them. Look at that. That's edible? Once you cut through that?

It tastes good. You cut through all that. They caught that one in Nicaragua. So I guess they're all over the place. But yeah, you take them. You got to cut through that scale, that scaly outside with wire cutters. And then once you get through all that, you take the meat and they really like to smoke in it. They put it on a smoker.

That's apparently the best way. Look at this guy's little baby ones in his fish tank. They're a vicious little creature. I mean, they actually start. I mean, that's what blows me away is they start that small. Yeah. And he's fucking with them right here? Yeah. I think you can have them in a fish tank.

Oh, he's feeding them a fish. Oh, yeah. That's a whole fish. Yeah. Dinosaurs, bro. Man. Yeah. How long have alligator guards been around?

Find out. I think. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess 30 million years they've been that way. Might be more. 30 million years? Well, alligators, I think they've been around before the dinosaurs. That's a straight dinosaur.

Yeah, they've been around, I think, in the same form since before that meteor hit. Looking like that? Yeah, I think so. Might be wrong. First description is 180303 the first description of them yeah but like how long have they been in that i don't know how you find that out how would you find that out yeah whatever old as fuck dinosaur fish i mean i'm used to seeing those people pull out big carp and catfish but i've never i've never seen anything like that yeah those are big ass

fish they They bow hunt for them, too. That's what I was going to ask you. That one picture looked like it had a bow in it. Yeah, a lot of people do that. You go in those rivers and they do it at night, too. They'll have spotlights, so you see the fish in the water. You're shooting something that's like six feet away

from you. And they use recurve bows that are made designed just for bow fishing. and they have a spool on it, and you shoot into it, and then they just pull it in by hand, or they have a reel that's attached to it. I was going to say, how the hell are they pulling that thing in? Forever. 300 pounds.

Yeah, it takes forever. Yeah, there's some videos of guys catching them. It's fucking crazy when you watch them fight these things. See if you get a video of a guy catching an alligator gar. What kind of test line you got to have for an alligator gar? Braided. Braided line. They have that heavy-duty braided line, and they use a leader, like a wire leader.

Big-ass fucking hooks. Damn. Yeah. Go for up to $40,000 for an aquarium in the Japanese black market, it says. $40,000? Those little ones like we just saw? I didn't say the size. It just says that the-

$40,000? Yeah. In Japan, huh? Yeah, $15,000 to as high as $40,000. It says. 40 grand. Those little ones like we just saw? I didn't say the size. It just says that the. 40 grand. Yeah. In Japan, huh? Yeah, 15 to as high as 40. Oh, did you say black markets? It's probably illegal to import them. There's an article of someone getting arrested for it. Oh, dude.

There was, in Maryland, this thing happened. I don't know the full story, but they were called snakeheads. Mm-hmm. And I think somebody put them in the water. Yeah, they're from Africa. And they bred. Whoa. Look at that thing.

Yeah, they take over, those snakeheads. That's a real common thing. And sometimes what they do is they'll poison everything in the lake to kill the snakeheads and then start from scratch and then restock the lake. So that's definitely somebody put that in there. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think snakeheads, like I said, I think they're from Africa. But they're from somewhere else for sure.

You know what? This guy. Yeah, this guy. He's got a fucking monster on there. How do you get the hook out of that mouth? I mean, maybe it's just too tired by the end. It just gives up. Maybe.

Look at that. Yeah. But again, they're good to eat. Apparently they taste delicious, especially when you smoke them. It's got to feel good to fight that thing all day, bring it in, and then eat it. Yeah. It's got to feel good. I've caught some pretty good-sized fish, but nothing like that.

I caught a marlin once. Did you? Yeah, it was like 70 pounds. Not a giant one. But it was like five minutes into fishing. Yeah. How long did it take you to bring it in? About a half hour. That's damn good.

Yeah. It wasn't that big. 70 pounds for marlins, not the biggest. The guy on the boat said that they've caught them close to 1,000 pounds. 1,000? Yeah, marlins are giant. Shit. I think.

I think they go 1,000 pounds. They're fucking huge. What do you think what's a world record marlin find that out but apparently like right off of malibu malibu sport fishing it's a great place to go fishing it's just there's not a lot of people out here that go i went um deep sea fishing it's a while ago now off of uh i think it might have been out of Huntington. We rented a boat, just like six of us. The world record is 1,376 pounds. Caught off a Kona in 1982.

Woo, that's a big fish. Damn. 20. Damn. Man. I mean, that's a boat. Yeah, that's a giant fish. And they fly through the air, too, when you're fighting them.

It's pretty fucking cool. Yeah, they get up. Yeah. Yeah, I went deep sea fishing out here. It was like six of us because I didn't want to do the, you know, fucking everybody leaning over your face and sticking you and shit. So we go out here. It's in the morning, you know, before the sun comes up. And we're heading out to meet the sardine boat that's coming back in that's

gonna sell bait to everybody we're getting everything all these guys knew what they were doing everything fresh everything fresh and just as the sun starts coming up we hit a pot of dolphins i mean baby ones everything and i just was like if i don't catch a fish all fucking day this is already worth it i mean they're just right next to us playing, playing. And if this guy was so good, if we didn't drop our line and pull something up on the first one, he'd be like, pick them up. And he'd take us with his depth finder, go find something else. And we'd go by those big boats of everybody reaching across.

He'd be like, look at that, guys. That could be you today. We're having beer. We're having lunch. But I didn't know. I just never considered it. But I didn't know a fish could get the bends. It fucked me up when I saw that. Yeah.

Cause the eyes were all, it looked like it had a tongue sticking out and shit. I'm like, what is this? He's like, you gave it the bends. I'm like, Oh,

that makes sense. I'm bringing it up and I guess a fish can get the bends, but best fucking fish. So guy, you know, on the way back in, he's cleaning it, packs it all up.

Nice for you. It's out here. Yeah, it was out here. Where'd you go? It was off of Huntington. I think out of Huntington beach. There was like a pro, you know, back in he's cleaning it packs it all up nice for you it's out here yeah it was out here where'd you go it was off of huntington i think out of huntington beach there was like a pro you know just hit him up and it's like a dude that owns his own boat and he's like six of you come you know we'll have plenty of room you guys can walk to the front and back of the boat fish wherever

you want you had a choice to either chum for shark or fish and he's like it's hours of me chumming it's kind of boring until we actually start getting at it so if you want to fish we'll do this so we did that dude packs it all up so nice for us i'm all excited i i just moved out here not long i'm living in this dump in north hollywood i put my fish in the fucking freezer in the fridge what's that i never got i never got a bite of it at all i came home it stunk so bad i called. I'm like, I'm coming over to have some of your fucking fish. My fish is all ruined. Damn. But it was such a good time.

Such a good time. You got to be careful eating sharks today. People get mad at you for sharks. Really? Yeah, it's a new thing. People think that sharks are endangered. They've seen so many things about shark's fin soup that if you pull in a shark, people get angry at you.

It used to be people caught sharks and no one gave a fuck. They saw Jaws. They're like, fuck sharks. But now, everyone, we have to save the sharks. Save them. Save the sharks. What are you doing with that shark? Let it go.

There was a photo of, was it the governor of New York or the mayor of New York City? One of those? I think it was the governor of New York caught a shark and people were pissed at him. And he's like, no, we fucking ate it. We cooked it up. We ate it. Shark tastes good. Like, it's totally legal.

Yeah, I've had it in restaurants. Yeah. It's good. But people are loony with shit. Like, here it is. What is this? Something different. Oh, a swimmer died.

Oh, I just saw this. I heard about that. He got his dick bit off. Yes. In Brazil. I just saw this. Yeah about that He got his dick bit off Yes I just saw this Yeah They're telling the guy, breathe Rips off his penis

Despite horrified sunbathers Frantic battle to save his life On a Brazilian beach Jesus And apparently this is a really, really rare attack They don't get a lot of attacks in Brazil Because the water's so warm But apparently that shark don't get a lot of attacks in brazil because the water's so warm but apparently that shark didn't get the menu clearly i think i thought i saw they thought it was a tiger shark

that's a big fucking shark big shark well obviously i mean bit his pelvis off right where the dick goes i can't even i mean that's basically like your legs are spread, you're swimming around and it just gets in between there. Snackety. Snack. Snack. Fuck. Jesus Christ. Fuck that, man. I just...

That's what scares the shit out of me about the water, man. You don't even see it coming. At least if you're in the woods, you kind of hear things. Yeah, that's right. You got the hearing. You don't even have that in the water. Get to your gun. You know what's out there. Nothing out there is growling in the ocean.

You know what I mean? You ain't hearing shit. You don't hear shit until it's too late. And then this... That's you. And you see red in front of your face. You're like, fuck, this is how it's going to end? All those road gigs I did.

To go out like that. All my airline miles my airline miles ago open mics to go out like this you know um i've been thinking about this and talking about this on stage a little bit but the as far as death goes to go out the most beautiful way I've ever seen any creature on this little rock in outer space go out, the most original, beautiful way

is that dove that got killed by a Randy Johnson fastball. It's the best death on planet Earth. That's a great, what are the odds that that thing

was in that place at that time? That's what I'm saying. Do you know how many billions of fucking birds have been on this planet? you know how many billions of fucking birds have been on this planet you know how many died of a randy johnson fastball one one one you could even narrow it down to how many birds were in that area that day i don't care that one one and when he hit it it blew up into its own like fireworks you know what i mean it went out kaboom. I was like, oh. Yeah, there it is. It's terrible.

I know. It fucked him up. Did it? Yeah. And then he ended up winning. They won the World Series. This is in spring training, the same year they won the World Series. He won co-MVP.

I think he split it with Curt Schilling. And now he's got, I just looked this up recently, because he's got a company now, and I think he uses the logo of an upside-down bird and has embraced it. but he was like that's not funny i don't think that shit's funny you know he threw a hundred mile an hour fastball i mean beast he was a fucking beast now let me ask you this what do they do how do they how do they count that pitch they that's it's just considered a dead pitch they said it was a no pitch the umpire just ruled it off like we're going to reset on that. Wow. Was Randy fucked up?

It bothered him. I mean, he talked about it. People were making jokes and shit, and he was like, I don't think that shit's funny. But it's beautiful. Even if you don't think it's funny. It is funny. It's fucking beautiful. Well, I wonder what they did with the dove.

Yeah, right. Because they should cook it because doves are delicious. I've never, I've had pheasant. I've never had dove. Pheasant's delicious. Yeah. But dove is a highly, people don't know that. It's another one that people get angry if you bring up.

Pheasant or dove? Yeah, dove. Because it's the bird of peace. Yeah, but it's a highly prized game bird. Like people go dove hunting and they'll shoot fuck loads of doves and take them home and cook them and you tell people that they get so angry like what are you doing you're cooking doves stop it stop it you want some chicken yeah i'll have the mcnugget i'll have those chicken prisoners ground up into small cubes like but not the dove. The dove is about peace.

That's it. It's a fucking bird. It's just a bird. It has no idea what it is. Like, don't eat that eagle. Okay. Okay. I won't eat the eagle.

Like, if eagles get so plentiful, they're like pigeons. Do you think they'll let us eat eagles? No. Never. Never. They're never going to let you touch an eagle. Never. I don't care if they're starting to attack us and lift us off.

They're not letting us touch eagles. That might be what he does. They were here first. The eagle was in North America before the white man. They were here first. Yeah, man. I have friends that live in Alaska. You go up there, dude, and you see eagles everywhere.

Just fucking everywhere. They're everywhere. They're like pigeons. It's weird it is i had this moment i'm so i didn't even think i'm so glad you said that i um my um daughter's mother her family's from seattle they live right on lake washington they're good friends bill gates is around the corner it's beautiful and they do this it's called Seafarer Weekend, where all the boats come out, Blue Angels, the whole nine. It's beautiful.

And they rehearse for a couple days before the actual event. So I swim out into the middle. I smoke a joint, that beautiful Pacific Rim weed they have up in Seattle. I smoke a joint, and I swim out into the middle of Lake Washington. I'm just out there treading on my back, floating, having a good time. And they had been saying there's this bald eagle that had been circling. It's got a nest, a couple houses up, whatever.

I swear to fucking God, this is God's honest truth. There's a boat also full of people who see it too. Two eagles come out together in tandem as a team. One of them starts circling here. This motherfucker nosedives into the water I'm in, grabs a fish and flies off. And I said, oh, oh my God. Like it was, and the people in the boat are clapping.

I was like, holy shit. It was fucking amazing. Wow. Amazing. Into the water I was in and boom, out with the fish. How deep did they go in the water? I don't, I mean, I have no, I couldn't answer. I thought they just sort of snatched him.

He, poof, gone.atched him gone beak in and out beak maybe it was feet he might have went feet he had to go feet he went feet and boom lifted it off but he saw it feet in real life they're bigger than our hands yeah it's like a giant basketball player hand

with claws big old claws at the end of it I've seen those videos online where they lift toddlers up and start to fly away, but they're a little too heavy. I don't think those are real. You don't think so? No, I think that's been proven that those are horse shit. Oh, that's bullshit. What about the goat? I've seen the goat that's dropped one down a mountain. That's real as fuck.

That's golden eagles. They're the biggest ones. They're bigger than bald eagles? Yeah. They grab them. I think they even have those in California, believe it or not. Golden eagles. I'm learning even have those in California, believe it or not. Golden eagles. I'm learning a lot today, too. Yeah. Look at this fucker.

I told you about this one, this little fox. Oh, yeah. This is a great video. That fox has got his little... Boom. The eagle comes and snatches him. He's like, nah, bitch. I ain't letting this go.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm hanging on, motherfucker. I'm hanging on, motherfucker. And the eagle's like, all right, bitch. I'll let you go. Yeah. It's funny that that's our national animal because it is a ruthless fucking flying cunt. It is. It is.

It's so ruthless. It's ruthless. You look in their eyes, it's just death. Yeah. Just twitchy fucking death. Big old flying lizard. You do a good ball to eagle. With a hatchet for a face.

Just get a pair of bolt cutters for a face. I watched this. They had this video online. It was live videos of bald eagles having babies. And you could watch them. They had cameras set up on them and everything. It was fascinating. It ended terribly, though.

They showed you how the mom would sit and the dad would go out and hunt. And then he came back. And he would just, his shift was like an hour or two and she was the rest of the time but he would go out and bring food back and the poor thing i think it was the mom going to get food it got fucking hit by a commercial airline what got hit by a jet on a landing and killed the mom oh wow and so they had to help the birds because the dads don't go you know that would have been the end of their ass so i think they help them out i don't know what they do they might they're savage fucking birds savage bird ravens too i learned about ravens being a raven fan i watched this documentary one time this fucking lady in

england had a raven a pet raven you know that british that little that it's like an upside down you that car that weird old car it's just a it's just like a little like a like a parentheses upside down yeah this she had a pet raven that was they said i guess they're the most intelligent bird um and this thing she would keep the keys and ignition in the windows down and she'd be like we're gonna go for a ride and the raven would fly in the ignition and the windows down. And she'd be like, we're going to go for a ride. And the raven would fly in the car, start the car with its beak, sit on the door. She'd get in. She'd start driving. And then he would just fly right next to the car wherever she went.

What? It was unbelievable. What? Unbelievable. I could not get over it. So she had like a relationship with this raven. A hundred percent. And this raven knew and loved it.

He was like, oh, shit, let me go start the car for you. Yeah, he was mad. She would say, let's go for a drive. And the raven knew what she was saying. Out, boom, in the car, grab that shit with its beak. Because they're big birds. They're big too. It's a big bird.

And just turn those little keys and he would wait for her to get in. She'd start driving and he would just fly right next to it. I don't know. You might look for it, but I watched it. They're so smart. I saw a video of one using a tool to get another tool so that it could get into something. They did these tests to find out how intelligent they were to see if they could do problem solving in order to get food. And so it had to use one small stick in order to pull out a larger larger stick and the larger stick to pull out this thing that got him the food.

And it figured it out? Yeah. It figured it out quick, like quicker than my kids would have. I'm watching this raven. I'm like, damn, this thing's smarter than an eight-year-old. It's crazy. It's crazy watching it do it. It's like this little conniving fucker.

There's a great video, one of my favorite videos online, of this one raven that taunts these two cats into a fight. It stirs them up into a fight? Yeah, they're both, what is this lady got a raven in her? Look how big that thing is. Oh, look at that crazy bitch. Whoever you are, if you stick your penis in that lady, you deserve everything you got coming to you. Everything.

What the fuck do you think's in that bag? Oh my God. I don't know. Look at that. Heads. Your heads. Baby heads. This dude over here just chilling like it's nothing.

I mean, look at the look on her face. The guy next, he's just checking his Twitter. He probably doesn't even know she's there. He hasn't even looked over. Nobody sitting next to that bitch, though. They're like, no, I'll stand. He's screwed all the way over. Look at her. I mean, everything about her looks weird. They're like, no, I'll stand. He screwed all the way over. Look at her.

Everything about her looks weird. She's like, when do I kill myself? Not today. Not today. When? She looks pissed. Oh, crazy bitch with metal all over her boots. Sure, you're goth.

Hold it. What does it say? Sure, you're goth, but are you dejectedly riding the subway with your raven goth? That's it. That's the bar right there, everybody. A raven. See if you can find the raven provokes cats. It's one of my favorite videos because there's just two cats, and they're on opposite rooftops,

like right next to each other, and they're like, meow, looking at each other. This raven comes over and fucks with one of the cats. Like, come on, man. You want some of this, bitch? Come on, man. There it is. Watch this. So the cat's chilling, and then the raven flies over to where the cat is and starts

fucking with him. And after he starts fucking with him, then he flies over to where the other cat is, and he starts fucking with him. So he gets behind him. He's like, hey, bitch. What are you doing? He gets just close enough where the cat's like, motherfucker. He's like, no, no, no.

I'm going to fly back over here, and I'm going to fuck with this cat. I see the other one. But he's doing it on purpose, this little cunt. Like, you can tell. He's just getting the cats riled up. Hey, bitch, look, I'm a bird, and I'm right behind you, motherfucker. The cat's like, no, no, no, no, I'm going to get this other cat. And they look at each other, and the cat's like, fuck you.

And he's like, no, no, fuck you. No, fuck you. Look, he's getting closer to the cat. Why would a raven get close to a cat? I mean, why? Why would any bird? Yeah. The only reason why is because he's fucking with him.

He's doing it on purpose. He is. Look at him. He knows. And then the cat's like, bitch. And then, look, the raven gets over there. Right next to him. He's like, oh, yeah.

Oh, now it's happening. Oh, look, they fall off the roof together. And the raven flies down. He's right next to him. Come on, faggots. Oh, my God. Oh, look, they fall off the roof together. And the raven flies down. He's right next to him. Come on, faggots. Oh, my God. Oh, you bitches don't know how to fight. These cats are killing each other.

And this raven's like, you dumb hoes. Oh, look, they fall into that hole. Bam. And that raven is just hanging out with them. An animal that can fly on the ground vulnerable watching these two cats fight. Dude, he jumps in. He jumped into the hole. That is a crazy ass bird.

That is a crazy fucking bird. But also confident, right? He knows how quick he can move. See, coming in from the side like that. He's tapping at his tail. He's like, no, you're not done yet. That cat is still alive, motherfucker. What kind of a pussy are you? It's such a weird, animal like once they found out that these things are smart they're like look in comparative tests when it comes to like problem

solving they're as smart or smarter than chimpanzees ravens yes yeah i hear that's what i hear they're super smart super smart like they don't know how smart the limitation is that they've got these feet and wings. But if you gave them, like, fingers and had them, like, problem-solve stuff, like, spell their name and shit, and, you know, you give them some food, they might be able to do that. Because chimps can kind of do stuff like that. Here's one.

Like, look at this raven. It says it's a crow, but no. Oh, crow, raven, pretty same. What is the difference? Is the raven bigger? Yeah, a lot bigger lot bigger yeah but they're all smart so this little fucker realizes that if he puts these rocks in that water that the water will float up and he'll be able to get that food so he can't quite reach that food so he keeps

dropping those rocks in there to try to raise the level of the water up how the fuck does he figure that out man like look at that that's's crazy. Oh, he's so close. He's like, no, not quite. Almost, almost, almost, almost. Get the big one. Swish her. You just get it. Oh, I got it, bitch.

Light versus heavy. What is this one? All kinds of experiments with them. Oh, wow. Look at that. It says it's a casual understanding of water displacement by a crow is the name of the video. Study done by Auckland Auckland New Zealand University. Well, it just makes you think, right?

We always define intelligence by how much can it manipulate its environment. And where that throws us off is like dolphins and orcas and whales because they're really smart and they can't do anything. They have flippers, but we know they have these really complex languages, and they have Baltimore accents. Do you know that? What, dolphins? Dolphins and orcas have accents. Do they?

Yeah, they can tell. They can't tell what the fuck they're saying, but they can tell where they're from. Really? So it's a regional thing, not like a bottlenose versus a spotted has a different accent? Yeah, they're from different spots of the world. They have different accents. They make different sounds. No shit.

I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know that. Fuck. We used to fuck with bats when we were little. You ever mess around with bats? No, but I've been in Austin for the largest migration in the northern hemisphere. Austin.

I think Austin has the largest migration. in the Northern Hemisphere. Austin, I think Austin has the largest migration, like it's the largest daily migration of bats in North America. Daily? Yeah, it's crazy. When it gets dark out, look at all those bats. They fly out from under the bridge.

There's a bridge in downtown Austin. Bro, it's crazy. It's crazy. So we were staying in this hotel, and they were telling us, hey, when it gets dark out, that bridge over there, they're like, all the bats nest in that bridge, and they come out. So during the daytime, I was with my family. We walked under the bridge, and you hear them. That cluster is hanging underneath the bridge?

Fuck. You go under the bridge, you hear that shit. Look at that. Dude, it's millions, millions and millions of fucking bats go flying through the air. It's crazy to watch. What is it about Austin? What does it say there? What is it?

Pull it back to the beginning. It says, from March through April, millions of mostly female, pregnant Mexican, free-tailed bats migrate north to give birth. The NW Congress Avenue Bridge in downtown Austin, Texas is the spring and summer home to these bats. Each night at sunset, some two million bats venture out from under the bridge to eat an estimated 30,000 pounds of insects.

It is the largest urban bat colony in North America. And then you watch the departure. Play that video so you see this departure. It's fucking bananas, dude. You can't believe how many bats fly out. You're like, what? They all just picked this one neighborhood. This one bridge. They decide

this is our spot. So they just live in this bridge. So if somebody detonated that bridge Look at that. It looks like night. It's crazy. Dude, it's crazy. I was there for this. It's it's wild to watch You see them like like a swarm Like insects, how are they not running into each other like that and knocking themselves down? That's a good question Look how tight that is how they not headbutt each other

Yeah, people could barely get on the subway together without stepping on toes and shit These things are flying flying They say that they have some sort of a magnetic sense. They understand, like, there's a frequency that each one of those animals gives off. That's how birds do it. Like, if you see birds, they move together in these crazy patterns. Yeah. No one understands it totally, but there's a company called Hex, H-E-C-S, and they make this thing called a Hex Suit.

It's a very controversial thing, but the idea behind it is that there's an electric frequency that all humans and animals, and especially like predators and game animals give off, and that is it corresponds to the movement of your muscles and that you give off this thing that that animals can see especially predators like predators apparently are really good at seeing this what holy shit where are these bad locusts oh see now i've been through something like that in maryland they used to have well they don't they they do the cicadas would come through yeah and. And it would look like this. And they would litter the streets and the sidewalks. Well, locusts are just grasshoppers under certain conditions, right? How does that work?

Grasshoppers under certain conditions become locusts. Yeah. I forget what the conditions are. I mean, in five seconds, he just filled that net up. Yeah, what are you going to do with them, though? Are you going to eat them? I don't know. I wouldn't eat them? I don't know. You could eat them.

I don't know if I'd eat that. I'm down to try different shit. Yes, I've had cricket. Chocolate covered, though. I had them in Mexico. We stayed at a resort once in Mexico, and you go into the hotel room, and they have a little table there. And they have a little table full of peanuts with some hot chili powder on them and stuff like that. And then they had these crickets in a bowl.

And my kids are like, ew, why do they have bugs? Ew. I'm like, you're supposed to eat them. They're like, no way. You're not eating bugs. I'm like, I'm telling you. They eat these things. And so I picked them up and I started chewing them.

I'm like, they're not bad.'re like almost like a soy sauce tasting i was gonna say how how are they done it looks like they fried them like they fried these crickets but they're so common that they had a bowl of them in the room you know and you eat them i you know what i would try that i would try that i have to I would try that I'm not scared of that they say that that might be one of the futures of when the weather changes grasshoppers turn to oh it's a weather issue the thing I clicked on this from says that just by swarming

it makes them become a locust I don't know if that's accurate but that's what the article is saying well it's the New York Times unless you listen to Donald Trump which makes it fake news. Right. Generally speaking, I like to trust the New York Times. Yeah, we used to fuck with, so we had a light, a street light in front of our house.

And my brother and I would go out and my dad was like, you can go out and play catch as long as you're in front of that light and I can see you. So we'd just go start playing catch, throw a tennis ball around. One night, we're just throwing it high up toward the light so that you could see it coming down. Right. And this bat just starts swooping at the ball the whole time. And I was like, oh, this is great.

So I throw a line drive at my brother's fucking face and that fucking bat, he's like, it went through my hair. It went right through his hair. And then the game became, you got to be a fucking man and stand there and take that shit at your face. And that bat would come down. It would touch you. You're like, ah! Oh, God.

Did it think the ball was another bat? I don't know. Maybe all the sonar coming after that. I don't know if it thought it was a big or realized it was too big of a bug when it got there. But it would come right by your fucking face, man. Yeah, it probably thought is another bat or maybe something to eat. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. So anyway, I was saying this hex suit. Yes. They wear these things to disrupt. They're big with people that go spear fishing and they wear this suit and you can like literally get right next to a fish with this suit on. It's real weird. suit and you can like literally get right next to a fish with this suit on it's real weird like whatever this whatever this frequency that human bodies and just bodies in general give off

this suit masks it and they've been able to show that with these uh devices like that measure electrical frequencies like you you could rub your arm over shit yeah look at like these alligators they just for whatever reason don't fuck with this dude while he's wearing that that's a crocodile too so do that even though you're moving and there's no they don't know what you are and they just don't bother to fuck with you i don't understand it's crazy who figured that out i don't know scientists super smart dudes but when apparently dudes wear these suits when they go spearfishing, they're way more successful. They love these things.

Because you can get right up next to these fish and fuck them up. But hunters use them too now. They're becoming popular with hunters. Oh, so they don't work just in the water? No. I don't know, man. I've worn them before. I don't know if they're working or not working.

It's hard to tell. Because what animals go by is not one thing. They go by a bunch of different things the the big one is smell if they smell you you're fucked like the reason why camo works is camo breaks up your outline like if a like a deer saw you they'd be like oh that's a fucking dude yeah i know what that is i see the arms i see the legs that's a dude but if you were wearing camo with all the broke, like my shorts, like these shorts, it's a broken up pattern, right? So that broken up pattern confuses them. They're like, what is that?

I don't know what I'm seeing. And if you just stand still and you're wearing camo and you don't move, a deer will look at you and go, that ain't shit. And they'll go back to eating unless you're close. But if they smell you, they're like, fuck this. Especially that real tree stuff I see these days looks so authentic. Yeah, that's not the stuff that works the best, though. It's not.

It's interesting. No, authentic is not what works the best. What works the best is, like, there's a bunch of different companies that make, like, really good camo. But the secret behind it is just breaking up the outline. It doesn't have to look like anything. It's just a matter of breaking it up with blotches and spots. There's a couple companies,

like Under Armour actually has a really good pattern. It's called Ridge Reaper. Ridge Reaper Baron, and that pattern is really good. Sitka has probably the best pattern. They have a pattern called Sub Alpine, Open Country Sub Alpine, I think it's called. But it's just a bunch of dots and splotches the whole idea is just to break up your your outline so when someone looks at you or an animal looks

at you they don't know what the fuck they're seeing so the idea is that this hex suit somehow or another it blocks out your electrical output whatever that frequency is that these animals can see and it's it's not proven. It's real weird stuff. It's like we know that there's something that gives off like these hex companies that they've – the one company, they have this machine. They'll show you that you wave your hand over this thing without a hex suit on and it registers this electrical frequency.

And then you wave it with the hex suit on and it registers nothing. But if they smell you, you're still fucked. Yeah. But anyway, these birds, somehow or another, they're all given off a frequency. So when they're doing that crazy wave and they're flying, right? So they're beating their wings together like a bunch of fucking helicopters, but they're not touching each other. They're just floating back and forth somehow and somehow it works

it's it's got to be inches apart inches yeah inches i mean there's these huge migrations of birds that are flying through the air and they move like fish in the ocean the same sort of thing right and they say that's how fish do it too that they have this frequency that they're all giving off and some somehow or another they all know how to move in tandem. Like no one's fucking, oh, we're going left or we're going right. They're not bad at hitting each other. There's no straggler either. Like one guy off to the fucking side.

It's weird. It is weird. I don't understand it. But people are trying to capitalize on whatever that is or hide, mask, whatever frequency we give off. So the idea is that we don't really totally understand animal senses. They've done a bunch of tests on deer. They know they're colorblind. They don't see necessarily greens, but they see shapes.

And their real concern is movement and outline. The outline of a person is very recognizable. Movement is very recognizable. And they smell pretty good. But they don't smell nearly as good as something. Like, bears apparently are one of the best at, like, using their nose. Bears smell anything. Like,

bears can smell a dead animal miles away. Miles? Miles away. Yeah. That would make me nervous if I saw a dead animal. Yeah. And I was in a bear country like we're getting the fuck out of here the fuck out of here my um you're talking about smell so this made me think of this in uh baltimore all the street parkings parallel parking there's no assigned parking spaces there's no driveway or anything and my brother pulls out in front of

this guy's space one and the guy's like that's my space he's like it's not anybody's space it's fucking public street i can park here he's like that's my space and it's in front of my house he's like dude come on so that night assuming that guy breaks into his car busts his windows out takes shit out of his car or whatever and he's like okay and he had some uh deer piss from, and he fucking busted that guy's window, dumped it all in his vents and everything. I was like, that car is rude. So they're taking turns breaking each other's cars? Yeah.

Well, it ended after the deer piss went in there. That was the last of that shit, because that stuff, do you ever use that? No. You don't ever put it on you? No. Yeah, that stuff's supposed to be. I couldn't. The smell of it just sitting on the sidewalk.

I was like, good God. Yeah, I would think a deer would be like, why is that doe pissing all over herself, that crazy bitch? I want to know if people really use it. Yeah, they do. They use cow estrus. They have like a smell of a cow, cow bull, like a um not a cow bull cow elk they'll put it on trees and shit try to drag a bull over because when when bulls are in the when they're in the rut and the females are in heat when they come into estrus and the males want to breed them apparently they just

they just smell it and they go fucking bananas and some people use that shit they'll put it on trees and stuff so that's what i wanted to ask you is that more to mask our smell or is it more to attract they're attracted to that they're attracting them yeah the way they mask our smell like their sense of smell is so powerful that it's almost impossible to mask it unless you use ozone and so what a lot of guys do is there's a company called ozonics and what they do is they'll literally hang a unit above their head. And it blows ozone gas all over your body. And it collects, like your scent gets combined with the ozone. And that hits the deer.

And the deer doesn't know what the fuck you are. It's like, what is that smell? Have you ever smelled ozone? Do you know what ozone smells like? No, I have no idea. I'll turn on my tank, my flotation tank, and you can smell it because they use ozone to clean the water, to purify everything. It's got a very distinct smell. And when you turn the tank filtration system on, you're not supposed to go in it for half an hour and the ozone dissipates.

But it's got a very distinct smell. And apparently that smell just overwhelms the smell of human body. So when guys sit on a tree stand, like I've hunted with my friend John Dudley in Iowa, and he uses this ozonics unit above us. He sets it up on the tree above us and turns it on. And it blows ozone over you while you're sitting in a tree so even if a deer is downwind of you they might not bolt because this smell is confusing to them like what is that fucking weird smell like they don't know what it is right like if they smell you they're like oh that's a dude gotta go yeah like just a whiff the wind will change like you know most of the times

the wind's blowing east right but then a little bit of west a little bit of west they're like the fuck? They don't take any chances. They just run. But if they smell that ozone stuff, they're like, what? What is this? The fuck is this? I don't know.

They just run. Take a chance. Sometimes they just stand there. It's like, when they're horny, they don't know what they're doing. That's why people like to hunt them in the rut because when they're in the rut, they come out during the day. Like a lot of times the older animals, they become nocturnal. They just decide it's too risky during the day. People are up.

I'll just fuck around all night and sleep during the day. That's when I was always scared because we would have, there's deer running all over Maryland. When you're driving those country roads at night, I mean, three, four of them will come out crossing and shit, and you're like, holy fuck, and they're a monster. They're a monster.

So we had deer whistles. I don't know if they ever really worked, to be honest with you. Those work, yeah. You put them in the front of your car. Yeah, and then you don't hear it, but apparently they hear it, and it's enough to,

but I had them on, and they would still come right up to the edge of the road and shit yeah they when the ruts going on they get confused they don't they're just horny and crazy they'll run right out in traffic it's smashed by cars deers that wouldn't hide all day long during any other time of the year just they just smell that deer pussy they They're just like us, goddamn. I mean, can you imagine if their nose is a thousand times stronger than ours or whatever the fuck it is? The smell of that pussy must be so tempting. Running out in traffic in the middle of the fucking day for it.

Yeah. You know, and you only got a couple of weeks to fuck. That's right. You know, it's not like they fuck all year like us. They got a couple of weeks to fuck. That's right. You know, it's not like they fuck all year like us. They got a couple of weeks to get their fuck on. And then the rest of the year is solo. Duh. Nope.

How weird is it? What kind of a strange system did nature come up with where it makes the girls horny and able to give birth only for a couple of six weeks? Sometimes they go into estrus again like they have like a second a second estrus and then they all figure it out yeah that's amazing smells yeah smells i need to start smelling more fucking thinking less and apparently as good as they smell a bear smells hundreds of times stronger than them they say a bear smells hundreds of times better than a bloodhound does that blows my mind miles blows my mind miles miles away when i drive from here and i hit two miles i'm gonna be like god damn yeah that's a long fucking way to smell something what they say is really scary is if you're in places where bears know that people

hunt they hear a gunshot and they think it's a dinner bell. So like if you shoot a deer, you only have a certain amount of time to get that fucking deer out of there before a bear shows up, especially like Kodiak Island. Kodiak Island is famous for two things. It's famous for gigantic brown bears, some of the biggest bears in the world. It's also famous for Sitka black-tailed deer. So these Sitka deer are really delicious deer, and people go over there to hunt them.

But when that gunfire, pa-pang, the bear hears that, he's like, and they go straight towards the sound of that gunfire because they know there's going to be a gut pile there soon. So even if you miss, there's probably one coming your way. Probably. No shit. So you have to dress it out there too, or just gotta get it and haul it out well if you gut it and leave the gut pile and take the meat away you're likely to just the bear is probably going to go to the

guts and it's probably like you're probably going to be safe damn keyword probably probably yeah i'm not fucking around the kodiak bear my friend steve rinella who i was talking about before they got attacked last year they got on a fog knac Island in Alaska, they got attacked by a gigantic brown bear. They said it was like 11 feet long. What? It was huge. One of the guys, it ran into camp. What happened was they had shot an elk.

When you shoot an elk, it's an enormous animal. You can't really take it out all in one trip. You've got to make several trips. So they hung some of it up in a tree, and then they went back to get the rest of it. They took what they could carry. They went back to get the rest of it. When they went back to get the rest of it, a bear had already claimed it.

And they didn't know the bear had claimed it because the bear took off and it heard them coming. And then the bear, when they were hanging around the meat, the bear was like, fuck this, and decided to just make a run run at them but didn't know how many there were because it's such such thick brush and they said it was it happened so quickly like everybody had this well if a bear comes i'm gonna do this you know people have this idea they were like it happened so fast i'll send you the the podcast because it's fascinating it's a two-part podcast they did it over two parts where they they talked about the experience.

Jesus. Nobody got hurt, but one guy wound up actually riding the bear's back. That's legendary. The bear plowed into them, and one guy hit the bear with trekking sticks, like mountain trekking sticks, hit it in the head, and the other guy got knocked over and was literally on the bear's back for several steps as it was running down the hill. And then he fell off of it and the bear took off.

That thing had momentum downhill coming at them? No, man. I've seen those videos. They said it was so big. My friends were there. Four of my friends were there. They were saying that they could see the teeth 10, 11 inches from their face gnashing as the thing ran by. 11 foot long.

I mean, you're talking, what, 1,800 pounds? So while they're gone on trip one, this bear had already claimed it, got scared, heard them come, and then saw, oh, you're taking my shit, and was like, fuck that, and came back to defend it. Yeah, so it didn't come by to chase them off.

It came to fight. It just didn't know how many there were. And there was like seven or eight guys, I think. At least, I think, one, two, three, four, at least five guys. And so I think it just got confusing. There were so many people. It didn't know where to go or what to do. And then it got hit in the head with the trekking sticks.

And then, you know, it was fucking crazy. Dude, driving his back. Yeah. But like one of my friends had a, my friend Remy had a pistol just for that, just for bears. But he had set his pack down. And he, like, in his mind, he thought, well, if a bear comes, I'll be able to get to my pack.

Fuck that. He's like, it happens so fast. There's no getting to your pack. There's no nothing. And these are guys that know what the fuck they're doing. Yeah, they're professionals. Right. With plans in place.

They're out in the woods hundreds of days a year. We're so weak. We're so, we're like just water balloons filled with blood. We're nothing. We're like eggs. Yeah, we're just jello, man. We're nothing. These things are...

Like when you watch them fight each other and they're biting each other's faces and shaking each other back and forth, and it still doesn't hurt them. We're so fleshy. It's good we live here. It's good we live here. It's good we live in Los Angeles. No, not in the fucking mountains. No. Maryland has, you guys have mountain lions, right?

We have mountain lions, but I saw, I went hiking at Fryman here one time. I hiked, for a while when I lived in the valley, I hiked there a lot, and I would see a lot of rattlesn i hiked there a lot and i would see a lot of rattlesnakes i would saw a lot of rattlesnakes but one night i don't know it's probably fall it's right around 6 6 30 and the sun's starting to set and i'm just trying to get through and i've got my headphones on i'm coming down this hill and this fucking bobcat comes off the hill and it i mean this thing was the size of a big dog. Stubby little tail.

It stopped right. I mean, I was like, huh. You know, and it just stopped. It fucking looked at me. And the first and only thought that went through my head. Because I had nothing. What do I got to do? I was like, maybe I can take my headphones.

Choke. I was straggling. I had nothing. A little apple headphones. And it looked at me like, it's your lucky fucking day and it ran over the next ridge and was gone my i mean i was like holy shit yeah i've seen one of those with its babies yeah they're cool look they're big they're bigger than i thought they're way bigger than i thought when i thought when i saw it i saw it i thought it was a mountain lion yeah i was

like look at that thing and they're like no it's. Yeah. I was like, look at that thing. And they're like, no, it's a bobcat. I was like, what? Yeah, that thing was big. Yeah, they're like 50 pounds. Yeah, I thought, you know, maybe between like a little bigger than a cat. Nah, this thing was like waist. It was like up to my waist. Yeah, they'll fuck you up.

I was like, oh, I'm dead. I'm fucking dead. Have you ever heard a lynx howl? Only because I... That video? That's the only reason I've ever heard it, yeah. That video's crazy. It is crazy.

Right up in their face It doesn't seem real No it doesn't seem real at all Well there was one that got into some guy's house And the guy made a video of the thing in his house Howling And I was playing it for people Like oh that's like sound effects right

I go no no no That's what it's really making That's the noise it's really making Like what? It's in his kitchen And it's going I just saw this thing. Put it up.

Look at this. Oh, that's the one. That sounds like kids. It sounds like little kids pretending to be a monster. This is so freaking cool. That is so cool. Who runs into this? They get real closer to the two that don't quite do anything.

Like, neither one of them is gangster. They're both posers. Look how thick their hips and legs are. Ooh, a little headbutt. And one of them almost swatted him. He was like, bitch, don't make me slap you. Do not make me slap you. Yeah, that's headbutt. And one of them almost swatted him. It was like, bitch, don't make me slap you. Do not make me slap you. Yeah, that's a big animal.

Lynx are weird. That's a weird animal. It looks like a dog. One of these was in a dude's kitchen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See if you can find the one where Lynx is in the guy's kitchen. Because this fucking guy is standing over it. It's only like five feet away from him.

And it's like... I would think that's a battle cry. You know, I'm getting the fuck out of my own kitchen. it's sick like this there it is here it is look at this uh-uh no she's trying to scare it off What the fuck is your problem? What the fuck is your problem? What the fuck is your problem?

That's what you did say to me Right before it kills you We find this guy's phone later Covered in blood Play back his last video Holy shit No Exactly I'm scared of like I'm scared of snakes

my brother gave me a fear of fucking snakes my eyes I have a twin brother he's four minutes older than me but we look nothing like tall and skinny but I will say yeah that's weird it's weird but there are times when we speak even now and I'm like oh just like it's his voice came out of me

it's weird that's the that's the weird thing but um he was like if he gets hurt do you feel it no i don't feel any we he used to we used to fuck with uh like if there was a girl in high school and i'm like i don't just talk to her i want to play video games he would set dates up and shit you know like hey you're going to movies tomorrow i'm like god damn it but uh he was mr outdoors like he wasn't he would play with snakes like he'd catch black snakes all the time we'd put them in an aquarium we'd go to the pet store and get little feed mice and you know they won't eat it when it's dead sometimes they'd be dead so my brother would reach in and just dance the tail and these snakes would bite him in the fucking hand and i'll be like jesus christ and he wouldn't even he'd just keep looking at the snake and rub his hand.

Like, okay. And I was like, you're fucking nuts, dude. So one day, it's my turn to cut the grass, right? We had the same snapper riding mower from Can't Buy Me Love. Okay, that snapper with a bag catcher on the back. Okay. I'm in the backyard going around. Three doors up is our buddy Jeff lives there.

And I see him and my brother. There's a pine tree, and I see him with a broom, and they're standing away from it, but they're swatting with a trash can. I'm like, oh, they got a big ass, there's a big ass black snake in there, you know? So I got my headphones on. I'm just going around.

I look up on our deck, and my brother's standing there holding this fucking snake. He's acting like he's going to throw it. I'm like like don't fucking do it dick don't fucking do it i got my shirt off it's hot ass summer i'm i go back to minding my business i come back around a few times later and i just feel something slapped the back of my neck and i fucking look over this snake is looking at me right here i fucking i said i screamed like a bitch i grabbed it i threw it on the fucking ground my brother's like don't i put that blade down and i dumped that bag out i said there's your fucking snake you son of a bitch he would do shit like he'd catch little ones i can't remember are they garter gardener snakes maybe

guard just the tiny ones i think they're called garter right yeah i think i i don't remember but we're garden snakes and garter snakes. These are those little slivery guys, you know? And we're, I'll never forget this. We had a Volkswagen bug. He and I are sitting in the back. My little brother's up front. My mom's taking him into the doctor.

And she's like, you two can stay in the car and wait here if you want. I'm like, all right. We're driving for like 10 minutes. My brother reaches in his fucking pocket and he pulls out one of those snakes. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? How long has that been in there? He's like, oh, I picked it up on the way. I'm like, what is your fucking problem, dude?

I was always scared around him with that shit. He would always fuck with snakes. Maybe he should have been like a snake doctor or something. He thinks he is. He thinks he's like that. He should go to Florida and try to help those people in the Everglades. They're hiring people to just shoot at them now. They're hiring hunters to go to the Everglades. Yeah know, they're hiring people to just shoot at them now. They're hiring hunters to go to the Everglades.

Yeah, they have so many pythons. All these crazy, dirty white people who wanted to own a python, and their mother's like, you get that thing out of the house. They just open up the back door, chuck it in the yard, and it slithers off into the swamps. I mean, Florida's all filled with swamps, and the pythons thrive there. Come on. I didn't know that.

You didn't know that? No. Oh, dude, there's a giant problem with pythons thrive there. Come on. I didn't know that. You didn't know that? No. Oh, dude, there's a giant problem with pythons in Florida. Because of man again. Look at this. Easy money not for python hunters who grapple with Everglades giants for $8.10 an hour. Fucking, they're so big, dude, they found one of them that had eaten an alligator, and the alligator was popping out of its body.

They were both dead. They were both dead floating in the water, but this fucking eight-foot alligator was inside this of its body. They were both dead. They were both dead floating in the water, but this fucking eight-foot alligator was inside this python's body. Jesus Christ. Look at this one. 144-pound reptile up on a levee. They dispatched it with a 9-millimeter pistol shot to the head.

Inside, they found 70 or 80 eggs. See, they're fucking... There's a plague of them in the Everglades. There's so many of them. A plague. It says it. Yeah. More than 800 caught this year.

This year? Yep. Six months into the year? Yeah. And what may be the most successful program ever aimed at the huge constrictors that are killing the Everglades mammals, wading birds, and alligators. And alligators, motherfucker. Alligators.

Yeah, they have python catching contests they track them with dogs they're doing everything they can but they're um you know they're not putting a dent in them there's so many of them out there man i used to watch the the gator one where they'd shoot them and oh yeah swamp people swamp people yeah because at first they were extinct and then they dialed that back and like they're like, oh, fuck, now they're overrunning shit. Go ahead and get them. Well, I used to live in Florida when they were going extinct. What is this one?

It's a deer that was inside. Look at that. A python. What? Look at the size of that deer. That's a big deer, and it's inside this python. Fuck. Jesus Christ.

That's funny We have people who don't have jobs Who have day jobs People have night jobs Some people have computer jobs, technical jobs And they're all hunters, herpetologists, military veterans All these people are doing this Going to the Everglades

Trying to solve this problem They're saying Adventure and a desire to defend the Everglades Look at that. What thrills me is the fight that the snake gives you. That's my travel around now, man. Maybe one day you won't win. You're definitely knocking about 1,000 at that job.

I mean, they're capable of killing people for sure. When they get that big where they can swallow a deer. A deer? That's a small deer. I mean, it's not big like a giant mule deer or anything. Look at that one that they caught. What in the fuck, man? I mean, that's five grown men a good distance apart, and there's still some bows in that thing.

It's 132 pounds, 17 feet long. Wow. Jesus Christ. That is a big fucking animal. That is huge. And this is all just from assholes. It's just assholes just chucking them into the woods. And I'm done with it.

The thing bit me in the hand. I can't. My mouth is open. I can't get over that. That is now a plague because of that. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you think they killed 800 of them this year, and they're not even putting a dent in it.

Right. How many are out there? God damn. Yeah. You know what how many are out there god damn yeah you know what else they found out there nile crocodiles they have a shoot to kill order on nile crocodiles so some ass fuck dick wad let nile crocodiles loose and they think there might be breeding populations of nile crocodiles those 28 yeah the that eat wildebeest and shit. Yeah, with teeth like the size of our hands and shit. Two days ago this guy was doing a baptist

baptism and this dude in Ethiopia and as he's in the middle of doing the baptism, a fucking crocodile lunges up out of the water and snatches him in front of his whole congregation. And brought him under? Yeah. Crocodile jumps from Ethiopian Lake and kills pastor during mass baptism.

God's got all the plans for me, children. Yeah, no shit. God's got all the plans. Fuck, man. Man. I worked in a junkyard growing up. My friend's dad had a junkyard out in Mount Airy. It was called Mount Airy Auto Wrecking.

growing up my friend's dad had a junkyard out in mount air it's called mount airy auto wrecking and there was one day where uh so we would have our own yard car we're driving where we we were in charge we were younger kids so he would like you're gonna go get all the aluminum you're gonna basically clean up a junkyard of all the loose aluminum we're gonna put it in these bins we'll melt it down then they sell it off uh and like these little trays you know and one day i hear this we had a bunch of feral cats but we didn't have any dogs and one day i hear this fucking like growling and i look over and there's a fucking rabid raccoon it had one solid white eye one solid blue eye and it's bouncing just up and down. It's not charging us, and we're like, what the fuck? We start throwing rocks and shit at it, and then we're like, maybe it's protecting babies.

We don't know what the fuck this thing's doing. So we go down to tell his dad, and this customer's down there. This is out in the country. This customer's down there. He's like, I got a pistol in my fucking car. He brings this thing up, two to the dome to put it down. Two. Two.

Took one to the head, and it down. Two. Two. Took one to the head, and it just was like, it's laying down, growling, and it took two to put this rabid raccoon fucking down. And it was rabid? They had to test it? Definitely, yes. Definitely had to have the whatever animal control come out and take it away and shit. Where does rabies come from? There has to be like, I always thought that about like VD.

Who's patient zero? Right, yeah. What dirty motherfuckers out there giving everybody syphilis? What did you do, dude? Who's the first? What did you have to do to get gonorrhea? Who's the first person that got? Because it's crazy that there's diseases that kill people.

Like Al Capone, he got killed by syphilis. I know that, yes. He got killed by some shit that you get from fucking. Yep. Let them eat him alive. They let him do it. Is that what they did? That's what I've read before.

Like, they couldn't get him on anything, so they got him on tax evasion. And then when he developed syphilis, they didn't treat it. Oh, really? Yeah. And then he lost his mind. He just ate his brain away. He went crazy. Oh, Jesus.

Al Capone, bro. Did you know that syphilis was the reason why all those dudes in the olden days had powdered wigs? No. Yeah, man. Man, I should come here for my education, goddammit. You get goofy as education. You miss out a lot of critical shit. I'm going to be repeating this, man.

Well, I do it. I repeat it wrong all the time. We've covered this several times, so I'll just be really brief. There was these royals from, was it France? Something like that?ie will come up the story but they got syphilis and to cover their syphilis they started wearing wigs and syphilis was running rampant through this so all these rich people started wearing wigs these big ass wigs can i ask you what do you was it eating their skin like was it like a psoriasis and shit they was

noticeable yeah their hair fell their hair falls out. A big patchy fuck up. That's the only reason they did it? Yeah. I thought it was all to be majestic. No, it became that. See, it became that. And the bigger the wig, the more money you had.

Like, if you had a lot of money, you'd get a big, crazy wig. That's why we call, like, rich people big wigs. Isn't that crazy? Look at that. Why do people wear powdered wigs? Like, those guys. And it all came out of these two brothers, I think they were? Serious.

For nearly two centuries, powdered wigs called perukes were all the rage. The chic hair pieces would have never become popular, however, if it hadn't been for a venereal disease, a pair of self-conscious kings, and poor hair hygiene. The Peruk story begins, like many others, with syphilis. By 1580, the STD had become one of the worst epidemics to strike Europe since the Black Plague, and according to William Close, an infinite multitude of syphilis patients clogged London's hospitals, and more filtered each day. Without antibiotics, victims faced the full brunt of the disease, open sores, nasty rashes, blindness, dementia, and patchy hair loss. Baldness swept the land.

And so these dudes, Louis XIV was only 17 when his mop started thinning. Worried about baldness would hurt his reputation, Louis hired 48 wig makers to save his image. Five years later, the King of England, Louis' cousin, Charles II, I would go with that. And other aristocrats immediately copied the two kings. They sported wigs, and the style trickled down to the upper middle class. Europe's newest fad was born. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy.

See what it says there? The bill for large, elaborate perukes ballooned to as high as 800 shillings. The word big wig was coined to describe snobs who could afford big, poofy perukes. So the average was 25 and they're paying upwards of 800. Yeah, look at these dudes. They had like crazy wigs. Like look at those wigs. No shit. All because of an STD. Yeah, they all were bald with

fucking sores and shit everywhere. Looks like one on his face. Yeah, what's that on his face? Probably got a hole in his face. Losing his teeth. Still fucking. Somebody was still fucking him a semi getting a semi hard shooting their poison into people what an education here oh imagine life before antibiotics i can't imagine life before like the 80s i mean i don't know how people did shit like

when we were having a baby i thought about, how did people do this in the covered wagon? How about people still do it? Yeah. They still do it in bathtubs, these assholes. And rice fields. I was reading these things about these ladies that'll go out in rice fields and stand, and they'll hold, and they'll... Drop it into the water? I don't know if it goes in water, but they just natural and squat, and then they'll just have it and have someone there to catch it instead.

Like, fuck. I was like, nah, I think in Baltimore Mercy, it's called Mercy Hospital. They were the first. I'm pretty sure they pioneered the underwater birth. Like you can go get in a tub there, a big tub. And then they say, I guess that's the most natural way to have a baby. I guess it makes sense if you're in a placenta and you're just basically transferring into another one before you come out instead of just boom out but they say it's i don't know how it's natural i mean how can it be natural if water's not attached to it how does a kid

breathe well i think i don't know they pull out quick and bring up yeah and it's in like a tank and you sit she sits in there and then they just deliver it in this big, big water tank. Like how's a kid breathing when they're in the womb? I never thought about that. I've literally never thought about that. I know they're attached to the umbilical cord. Ubilical cord. They're in there.

They're all curdled up in a fetal position. How do they get in there? Is it going through the cord? I mean, I think all life comes through the belly button. Right. The food comes through the cord. So do they not have to breathe while they're still attached to the air? Is it going through the cord? I mean, I think all life comes through the belly button. Right, the food comes through the cord. So do they not have to breathe while they're still attached to the cord? How does that work? Here it goes. The fetus is not

actually breathing. It's a fucking monster! The mother breathes for the fetus and essential oxygen is passed to the fetus through the umbilical cord. The fetus does not make breathing-like movements, though. These begin at nine weeks of pregnancy and. The fetus does not make breathing-like movements, though. These begin at nine weeks of pregnancy and allow the fetus to practice this breathing movement.

Fuck, man. That is just... You know what's really weird? You take a baby, you chuck them in the water, they immediately hold their breath. They know exactly what to do. But monkeys don't. Throw a monkey in the water, they fucking panic,

they start breathing water, and they die. Really? Chimps, too. Man, I can't get over the education. I'll be telling everybody you know chinchillas, they'll drown in the water, you know. I've tried.

Joe Rogan taught me that. I did a hundred of them. They all drowned. A hundred drowned. This is my study. It's peer reviewed. Yeah, there's something about people. Like we know how to hold our breath even when we're babies. If somebody takes a look like that Nirvana picture. Yeah. Remember?

Yeah. That baby, that was a real baby swimming. Like, kids love it. As long as you do it to them at an early age and you're there to catch them. Oh, this is horrible. Don't watch this. Don't show me this. I don't want to see this fucking baptism.

They're slamming this baby into the water. What race is that? Greek Orthodox. Yeah. Fuck that. That's crazy shit. Greek Orthodox. Yeah, fuck that. That's crazy shit. I think Segura sent me that. I'm like, what is that?

For babies in a pool and that just popped up. Let's end all this baby stuff. That's a horrible thing that they do. They smash that kid into the water and pick him up by their arms and smash him down in the water again. They do it a bunch of times.

Then they cut his dick. Yeah. Your dick don't look pretty, bro. No. it a bunch of times. Then they cut his dick. Yeah. Your dick don't look pretty, bro. No. Cut it up, bro. One day old dick. Cut it up, man. Slice.

Slice and dice. I was glad I didn't have a boy. Do you have two girls? All girls. All girls. Three girls? Three girls. If you had a boy, would you get him circumcised?

No. See, I was glad I didn't have to make that decision. Stick mutilation. I am. I grew up Catholic. I am i am but i was like would i do that to my own son i don't know no way dude sometimes they lose their dick sometimes it gets infected it happens every year really yes every year just a shoddy little circumcision job every year kids get infections from circumcisions and they lose their dick. Every year, also, kids, this has happened multiple times, kids have been circumcised by a traditional, what is it, a mohel with a rabbi, and the rabbi's had herpes and they've transferred it

because the rabbi has to suck the kid's dick to stop the bleeding. Yes. They still do that? Yes. Yes. They still do that and they still defend it. It's a traditional way of doing it. And you're giving it herpes?

People have given the babies herpes and the kids have died from it. Jesus. Yeah. They've died from it. Yeah, I didn't know that still was going down. Dude, they suck the baby penis. And there's a fucking video of this one rabbi explaining the necessity of doing this because it's the part of the ancient book, it's in the Torah, wherever it is.

Robert Baker estimates 229 deaths per year from circumcision in the United States. Bollinger estimates that approximately 119 infant boys die from circumcision related each year in the US. 1.3% of all male neonatal deaths from all causes are from circumcision These are several cases this there are several case reports of death in the medical literature Yeah, people die all the time from circumcision. We just understand that folks. This is an elected

Unnecessary surgery that you're doing to a fucking baby and there's no medical reason to do it. AIDS prevents AIDS. People say stupid shit like that. The fuck it does. The fuck it does. It doesn't make any sense. There's a lot of people that are doing it to justify

the fact they've done it forever and try to come up with a little hygiene. Wash your dick you dirty bitch. Soap and water. Wash your dick. I watched a guy Soap and water. Wash your dick. I watched a guy at the gym one time. It's an old dude. Stood underneath the hand dryers. With his balls?

Yeah, he rolled his circumcised dick down to dry them. I'd never used that hand dryer again. I was like, there's a good move, dude. Dude doesn't have any shame at all. I don't know if those numbers are accurate that you just read or that we just pulled up. I found another article talking about it, and this is an Australian link to talking about the same

information. It says that... My palms sweat. According to the study, that not all deaths that might be circumcision related are officially recorded. Oh, God. So there might be more. So they hide it. They call it something else. They say it's an infection or something like that.

I mean, I... Yeah, man. It's unnecessary. It's barbaric. They're gonna look back on this 100 years, 500 years from now, and they're gonna make fun of it the same way we make fun of powder wigs. But it's even worse. Because you're doing it to babies. Yeah. The babies can't even... They don't even have anything to say. By the time they're adults, they're like, what happened to my dick exactly?

Like, oh, we just thought it was ugly we had you cut cut yeah i mean i would you should i mean you should be that's a decision a person should be able to make because i feel like every guy at the age where they were old enough to make that would be like fuck i'm not doing that yeah i'm not doing that did you know that they um some guys are trying to grow their circumcise their foreskin back? What? Yeah, this is what they're doing. They're taking the skin that they have, the regular skin around their dick, and they're stretching it out. And there's all these devices.

What, like the lip pull and the ear pull shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're trying to get it to go back? So they're taking the base of their dick where it was cut, and they're pulling that skin up a little bit every day. I'm not kidding man there's like devices that they have do it again you're pulling your pants i'm not pulling before it's getting out yeah so they believe by continually it'll what reattach and grow well it looks weird it looks like a turtleneck.

It never really looks like... It's not a single layer of skin at the top. You've got a double layer now. You've got a rolled layer. You do have skin at the top, but it's like a blanket. It's not like a sheet. Right.

I can't get over people doing... I guess people do everything. Why am I shocked? Well, there's a whole community of people that are trying to grow their foreskin back that are really angry. And they feel all this pain and emotional pain from the fact they cut their dick cut when they were a little baby and they had no say in it. And apparently it makes your dick less sensitive when you do that. And your dick is naturally self-lubricating, the head of your dick is. And as soon as they cut the foreskin off, then it dries out.

And, you know, we're used to dry dick. Get that dry dick. I got plenty of that for you. But apparently regular dicks, if you don't cut them, they're moist. The tip, like you pull that foreskin back and that tip has got like a layer of mucus on it. Ah, which is why you got to clean it and keep it all yeah that makes sense jesus christ that was man yeah it's a weird practice man and it's it doesn't make any sense the fact that it's still around in this day and age with all that we

know and all the risks that we know about where kids actually do get sick and die from it that's a real thing it It happens every year. Who knows how many people are out there that have fucked up dicks that are just because some asshole ancient tradition that we passed on. Oh, you're just supposed to do it. Yeah. Yeah. My friend did it to his kid. He goes, I don't want my kid to have a weird looking dick.

I go, what are you talking about? You're right. How often are you going to be looking at it? How are you going to train that kid? Do you really think that that's going to fuck with him that much? Yeah. When he goes to the locker room, another kid's talking about? You're right. How often are you going to be looking at him? How are you going to train that kid? Do you really think that that's going to fuck with him that much? Yeah, when he goes to the locker room and other kids are going to stare at his dick. I go, what? I've been in locker rooms, you piece of shit.

Nobody cares. Nobody. I don't give a shit. Joey Diaz, he calls his dick the Cuban egg roll. He wasn't circumcised. I've seen Diaz's dick at least 100 times. At least 100 times. And he would pull out his dick for punchlines and jokes.

And, you know, when we're hanging around the parking lot or something like that. I've got pictures of him with his pants down, like carrying somebody on his shoulders. And his pants are down. He doesn't have any underwear on. You see his dick. He's so crazy. But nobody was like, I'm not hanging out with you. I can see your foreskin.

How come you didn't get cut? Right, yeah. What kind of kids are you bringing your kids around? Are they going to tease them? Your kid can't take a little teasing? Yeah, hey, I'm sorry. My dick didn't get mutilated by that witch doctor. That's the fucking thing.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Your butchered dick over there. Yeah. This shit's fucking intact right here. What did it feel like when that mohel was sucking on your dick? Yeah, that's the thing.

When you were two days old. That's the thing I didn't know was still going on. Obviously, dude, they circumcised babies still, but I didn't know that. Dude, they defend it. I mean. It's an Orthodox Jew tradition. I wonder if Ari got his dick sucked when he was a baby. Because Ari was hardcore.

They were deep in the game. Yeah. Ari was deep in the game yeah Ari was deep in the game Ari went to Israel and like lived on what is it a kibbutz or something like that one of those things he was in one of those colonies where you're you know you're reading the Torah like fucking 10 hours a day deep he told me about that and you and it's a funded trip you pay nothing to go do that it's your um I said I'm probably it, but is it not rite of passage? Or maybe it is. I don't know.

It's something that's paid for. Yeah. If you want to go. And he was telling us how he went there. Yeah. He's a fascinating guy because he went the other way. Yeah, he did. They got him over there.

And after he just experienced it all, he's like, okay, this is all horseshit. Look at the trip. there and after like he just experienced it all he's like okay this is all horseshit those crazy braids yeah he had all that stuff he had the crazy braids he went the kinnison route yeah out of it yeah yeah without the head injury yeah you know kinnison all that shit came from did you know that that all came from a head injury? Are you serious? Yeah, man. God damn, dude. In Kittison's book, my brother Bill, or my brother Sam, his brother Bill wrote a book about him, and he said that Sam was one way, like a normal kid, calm, regular kid. Then he got hit by a car. And when he got hit by a car, he was seriously injured. Bad head injury.

And then out of that, he was a wild motherfucker. Oh, it all changed. Yeah, that happens to people. Head injuries. I had a good friend of mine. She passed away when she was 16. And I was talking to the doctor at the time. I'll never forget.

He said this about the soul. And we were just having this conversation. He said, I believe the soul's in the brain. And I said, why? And he goes, well, everyone associates the soul with the chest and the heart and the soul and the heart and the soul and he said but i can literally replace anything in your body and you're still joe rogan but the moment the moment i even tweak your brain you can become a different joe rogan he's like that's why i believe the true soul is in the brain i was like that's really fucking interesting dude because you can't manipulate a brain and still well maybe you can but you start changing even a little thing on a brain

and it can be like you just said become a wild man from that or the other way you remember when you were a kid and they had tvs that weren't that good back then and like the tv didn't work good and you'd fucking yeah you'd smack that bitch and it would work it would work that's that's was something with people some people you just fucking rattle their cage and they become a different thing and it works better but it's like a very inexact science like people have gotten hit in the head and all of a sudden been able to play music and got really good at math yeah that's amazing sagora talks about that on his special with a head injury comes back with um oh man is it tourettes or something they come back different yeah an accent that's what it was an accent yeah yeah that's real right that's real yeah dude head injuries there it's a weird thing the the dome is a weird thing you know what with all

the weird fucking shit going on up there and all the different synapses and neurons firing and one little, you know, rock that somebody throws at you, bonks you in the side of the head. Done. Now you're a different person. Yeah. Forever. Forever. There's just so many stories about that, too. I've talked to so many doctors and neurologists that are you know they study

the human brain and it's one of the most perplexing things is like you can get the same two people one person gets hit the same way nothing happens and the other person is a different human being for the rest of their life and they'll struggle with that injury forever and it's like real similar real similar impact

real similar circumstances and you just never know you never know what's going to do it that's why these what's this chick talking about british woman wakes up with chinese accent oh play this play this i want to hear her open your eyes and it was not her voice that came out and if it fast be sweet and sour chicken hong kong style it's just been such a horrible thing to go through. She was diagnosed with foreign accents. Wait a minute, keep playing this.

The Inquisitor reports others who have suffered from the same change in voice had severe migraines. Only 61 cases have been identified since 1941. One explanation for the new tongue is that her migraines, which she experiences as many as 10 times or more per month, are leaving her with neurological damage. The condition usually follows traumatic brain injury or a stroke. Those with FAS also experience loss of vocabulary,

but Caldwell is not alone in her struggle. You go back to it, let me hear it again. And a 55 B, sweet and sour chicken hong kong style it's just been such a horrible thing to go through is that her that's her too how come she doesn't have it there let me hear it again she was tiny's accent she literally woke up opened her mouth and it was not her voice that came out and a 50 fastth beat. It's a Hong Kong style. It's just been such a horrible thing to go through. She was done.

First of all, that's not a Chinese accent. That's a broken English accent. Yeah. With a Chinese, from a Chinese person. And why are they giving her, of all things, a food order to fucking do? That's mean. She could have said anything in that Chinese accent. They gave her a food order to do. That's mean. She could have said anything in that Chinese accent. They gave her a food order to do.

They're mean. Some beef with broth. They told that bitch to order Chinese food. That's exactly what they did. Sweet and sour pork. I don't know if we can understand you in anything else with a Chinese accent. Just say this. Yeah, I mean, that is kind of hilarious.

Like, why? Play that. Play this one right here. What's this lady got? She's got a British. This is a Houston mom with a British accent. What happened to her? Didn't say really.

Did she get hit in the head? Probably. Well, the audience were asking me how my mom got that accent. Lisa Alamia. Oh, I'm not from England, sorry. Is 100% Texan. People who don't know me, hey, where are you from? I'm from Rosenberg.

Oh, where's that? I'm like like we're here rosenberg oh you're from here how do you talk like that so that's when the whole story comes up six months ago jaw surgery to fix an over jaw surgery lisa speech too i thought she was playing around with me i thought she was joking with me but then she showed me that like the doctor had told her she was diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome, and she searched it. And then I was like, oh, Lord. Houston Methodist. Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Pause right here. Here's the problem with that. I can talk like this. It doesn't mean that I talk like this. So if I come back, say if I got an operation, I wanted to get a root canal, and I came back and I started talking like this. Welcome to the Joe Rogan experience. People are like, what's wrong with you? I've diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome.

Why don't you just talk like you know how to talk? No, because I've been diagnosed. I've been diagnosed with a disease. I have an issue. Please be more sensitive. And I'm calling the news. I'd like to get on the news today, please. I can't help it.

This is how I talk now. Do you think they still possess the original accent as well? Or is it just that one now? Maybe that bitch is so dumb that like- She can't tap into the other one. She just can't go back. Get it? That southern drawl.

She's got one speed. Just knocked her into second gear and she's trying to start off the line in second now. All I have is second gear. What is this? This woman says she's been described as speaking in Italian, French, and even Japanese. Oh, she's crazy. She likes attention. Let's hear it.

Syndrome, Kath joins us now along with Professor Rosemary. Welcome both. So, it's 2006. You were suffering from bad health for a little while. You'd had headaches, and then you spoke to your sister on the phone and noticed that your voice was changing yeah i started off with just a lisp and um i was a bit

concerned and i i really ill health i tend to get over fatigued so i thought it was that so i went to bed still there the next morning slowly this list was getting a little bit strange i ran stock on trends my new rose up there left at that time i could speak i record the message nobody got back i thought okay nothing to worry wednesday morning it was starting to go like an alien and by thursday it had gone completely and then i lost my swallow at the same time which that's terrifying it is so scary for my family they were so terrified for me but no staff stuck me in wait a minute why are they scared because you're talking weird or because you can't swallow yeah so she couldn't swallow yeah she's only spitting out now i've been diagnosed with inability to swallow like come on if you love me you swallow

no i've been diagnosed an inability to swallow. Plus I have a new accent. All of a sudden I'm spoken with an Italian accent and I can't swallow. I'll show you the paperwork. I got a prescription for a cup syrup. I only cough. I never swallow. Like what in the fuck?

But here's the thing man Maybe I mean look some people are barely Holding on to reality Barely all they need is one Fucking smack One Smack upside the head and all of a sudden Oh sweet

Hot sauce Former beauty pageant has foreign action Syndrome Former beauty queen Let has foreign accent syndrome. Okay. Former beauty queen. Let me hear it, baby. And I'm terrible at accents.

Okay. So some people were wondering where I got my accent from. It's a really, really crazy story. Foreign accent syndrome is a rare condition that only affects crazy people while still speaking their native language. Let me hear her. Don't let this week start off with listening to She's never left the USA.

That doesn't mean shit. This was her accent. Hold on, hold on, stop. Back up, back up. Is that weed? That's weed. That sure is weed. That is fucking weed. That is a gigantic weed plant behind this bitch. She's high as fuck.

She is high as fuck. She's playing with these people. She's playing with these people. This lady's high. She's barbecued. She got so high she thought she was British. Here, Irish. Hi.

Yesterday, which is September 17th, 2011, I started having problems with my voice. Oh my God, I've got the same problem. But when I tried to talk and say some things, my tongue felt like it wasn't right. I had someone ask me again about my accent, so I was just making a new video. I had a headache for about three days,

got rushed to the emergency room, and this was in May of 2015. And so they put me to sleep, observed me for a little while. Stop. Pause this. This is nonsense. This is like people think they're a fox. You can't pick.

You can't stay in the one accent because you don't know it. That's right. No one can call people crazy anymore. No one calls people crazy anymore. You're not allowed to. Oh, you are so rude. You're insensitive to her condition

Maybe she's crazy That's right Maybe She's fucking crazy But if you think you're a fox Like foxkin You know there's people that are foxkin Do you know about this?

You don't know? I know about Furbies I love talking to you Ryan Foxkin are people that really believe That they're in the wrong life form that they should have been born a fox specifically foxes some of them foxes some of them they think they're unicorns they think they're all kinds of shit so what this is the same kind of thing this is where it gets real tricky because i think there's people that are legitimately transgender

like they were born in the wrong body. Legitimately. You agree? Yeah. I've met them. Absolutely. I believe it. Yeah. But I think there's also people that are fucking crazy and they just decide that they should

have been born a woman or a man or they go back and forth. What do we got here? Other kin. Other kin. That's what it's called. Oh, here we go. They think they're demons, angels, elven. Elven. Polymorphs. Oh, I'm a poly polymorph i've been thinking i'm a polymorph thinking about i want to be like one of those people in avatar

i want to be the navi i'm navi kin this is the definition that biden gave it look man people other kin what is the other kin Are people who identify As partially or entirely Non-human A dragon A lion A fox You name it There's probably someone out there

Feels like there are more of these things Than they are human The Otherkin community Can be found lurking On Reddit Tumblr TV Tropes And other online forums

Okay I believe it This poor people Look I think they get fucked up when they're kids somebody probably cut their dick when they're a baby they're all confused instant trauma i mean i have mental illness i have a cousin who is uh paranoid schizophrenic all right and my dad would tell me about he's my i don't know how the fucking second remove shit works. It's my father's first cousin. Okay. Still alive.

Dude smoked a carton of cigarettes in three days. Whoa. I mean, we have no idea how he's ever a throat fucking left, but he was really fucking. He was a black belt in karate. He was great at lacrosse. He had Hopkins, Syracuse, big schools looking at him. And then he'll tell you he started doing drugs and he went fucking the sid barrett route he just went off the fucking deep end and he's

permanent disability diagnosed uh paranoid schizophrenic and um you know he's we all love him but and he's fucking hilarious like he'll play with it because sometimes he's on his meds and you can tell you like oh you're dialed in right now i'll start telling family secrets and i'll be don't listen to him like no no right now is when you listen to him i can see it in your eyes the other times when he's off looking over here like you don't know but we would go like he had an apartment and i would go visit him from time to time and he had poetry and sayings and stuff written all over the wall and i'm'm like, what is this? And he's like, well, at night when I'm home alone, the doctors come in through my window.

They drop liquid acid in my ears and they knock me out and then they start taking samples of my body. And after they leave, the love of my life comes and I can't communicate with her. So this is how I communicate with her. These are there for when she comes in to speak for me. And I'm like communicate with her. So this is how I communicate with her. These are there for when she comes in to speak for me. And I'm like, holy shit. Yeah. So his windows are nailed shut to keep the doctors out. I'm like, how's that working?

He's like, it's not working. So one day I'm over there. And he's watching TV with the volume all the way down and the radio up. And that's how he's watching this program. And I'm telling you, it started to fucking make sense. I was like, I got to get the fuck out. I got to get out of here, Gary. I'm out of here on this.

There's a disease that I'm trying to remember the name of it. But it basically is when people are around schizophrenics for too long, they develop schizophrenia themselves. Really? Yeah. There's some people who are sympathetic to it to the point where, God, I want to say it's called allophronia. There's some sort of a disease that occasionally infects people or gets people that visit people in the hospital that are schizophrenia. So someone will come, like a family member will come visit you and they will get diagnosed

and they will get admitted themselves. And they'll actually develop it. Yeah, they get it. I don't know like to what stage, but't it's a potential issue for some people because like look have you ever been hypnotized no I thought it was horseshit to my friend Vinnie Shorman who is a sports hypnotist works with a lot of fighters he hypnotized me I'm like whoa this is real it just puts you in a very bizarre state you feel that state yes you're there you're awake

you're conscious but you're in a strange state you feel something yeah like you're like like you're in a tube of consciousness or something like you're in a womb it's very very interesting but i'm listening to him and he's a friend i trust him he's a great guy so i wasn't weird about it so i was like oh yeah you could do it go ahead let's see let's see what happens i was kind of skeptical i was like this is horseshit. But I've been to, have you ever been to one of those hypnotist comedy shows? No. My friend Frank Santos, he was a guy who, he's passed away, but he was a big time comedy hypnotist guy in Boston and in Rhode Island.

And he had a show. And I saw his show, man. He used to do like one night a week at Stitches and one night a week at Nick's Comedy Stop. And, dude, we would go down there on days off just to watch. It was crazy. He would take people out of the audience. Like, who wants to be hypnotized? And he had a weird way of talking.

Who wants to be hypnotized? You want to be hypnotized? Come on up. Come on up. He was like a round, jolly fellow. Real friendly. Glasses. You know, like totally unassuming.

You didn't think he was. And then he would bring these people on stage and he would just be able to take... Sweetie, you're gonna go under. You're gonna fall asleep. You're gonna fall asleep. When I snap my fingers, you're gonna think you are Sally Fields and right next to you is Burt Reynolds. You're gonna smoke in the band.

And you would see these people and they really, they were like, Smokey, we gotta get away from the police. Like, they really believed. He had this one guy. He told her. They would actually speak like that person? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't know what, they were out of their mind.

Oh, shit. This one guy, he told the guy, this was the 80s. He told the guy that the guy was having sex with Madonna. He's like, underneath you is Madonna. And you're squeezing her booties, her boobies, and she's naked. And you're about to have sex with her. You're going to have sex. You're having sex with her right now and the guy had an

orgasm on the stage he's he's sitting there on the stage like oh and the audience is I'm talking people are falling out of their fucking chairs crying laughing you couldn't but it was real man and some people it wasn't real like some people would look at him and he go hey hey buddy hey buddy look at me look at me you're not under good come, hey, buddy. Hey, buddy, look at me. Look at me. You're not under. Come on. Come off the stage. The guy was like, ah.

And the guy would climb off the stage. He would know who was under and who wasn't under. I mean, this guy was a man. He would work with people who were trying to quit smoking or trying to quit gambling. I had a friend that did the smoking thing. Gambling, booze. Apparently, they can do it with a lot of different things. But smoking is a big one.

But he just could do it to some people. And I'm telling you, quick. He could do it to some people and i'm telling you quick he would do it there's fucking 300 people in the room but he would be like i'm gonna count my fingers from the count of three you're in the car and the police are chasing you one two three what are you doing now i'm in the car the cops are chasing me and it was just instant man i mean it was it was some people they just fall into these states of mind and they're open to suggestions some people can be hypnotized and this is why some people i think just fall into these states of mind and they're open to suggestion. Some people can be hypnotized.

And this is why some people, I think, join cults. Like I'm watching this new Netflix program, Wild Wild Country. Yeah. Fucking crazy. I just started, yeah. Crazy. But some people, I think, are more susceptible to suggestion and more susceptible to cults. And I think that is, that's what's happening.

I think that's what's happening with this allophrania thing, if that's what it's called. I might be remembering that incorrectly. But this thing that being around a schizophrenic person, like whatever weird error their brain is making, your brain tunes into that error

and you start going crazy too. As soon as that shit made sense, I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here. Because he's done crazy. He's never hurt anyone. But he's still, you know, these days, he's probably in his 60s, not in any kind of shape. But back then, when he still knew martial arts, he was dangerous. Oh, dangerous, crazy man. He was dangerous.

But he never hurt anybody. But he knew how to and um so one day there's eastern avenue in baltimore's for lack of a better term the ventura boulevard of baltimore shops everywhere and everything and there was this one woman that had cut his hair one time and for him excuse me to touch his head was a big deal for him this so he immediately fell in love with this lady her name was carissa so he went home and got his guitar and the thing about this guitar like this dude would pawn his bed his guitar everything but that guitar was always out of tune exactly the same way you understand what i'm saying does that make, so always fucked up, but always consistently fucked up.

Every guitar he had, that's how he tuned it. That's how he heard it. Oh, wow. So he writes her, he writes her a love song, and he wants to go up to her shop and now sing it for her.

So he goes up, he stands out in front of the shop, and he gets her attention. He's got his guitar, and he's gone her attention he's got his guitar and he's gone it starts off where he goes chris i love you baltimore accents her name's carissa but he says chrissa okay chris i love you chris i need you then he goes chris don't die chris don't cry because i would have died chris and she's freaking out like what the fuck yeah like your eyes so they call the police he He gets arrested.

Oh, no. But he doesn't understand why he's arrested. In his mind, what did I do wrong? I just wrote a beautiful song for someone I care about, and I wanted to share it with her. So my cousins, all of us were like, we got to go to court and watch this. This is going to be fantastic. Because he's got to go to court. So they bring him out from the back.

Oh, no. And he he stands up and it's a it's a female judge and uh his mom my aunt marguerite she's my great aunt my grandma sister but extended family big time and uh we're all there watching and the judge says ask the girl her side of things she's like will this happen and he's like she's like would you like to speak on your behalf he's like i just don't understand what i did wrong i wrote a song for someone i care about and i just wanted to share it and she's like would you mind sharing some of the lyrics and we're all like oh shit and he fucking chris i love you chris i need you chris don't cry because i want to die she goes okay okay that's enough that's enough and then

they're about to let him go because they understand they're going to put a restraining order he's under supervision but they're about to let him go and she goes oh wait a second oh there's a oh there's still an open charge here on the books so we're gonna have to take you back today he starts losing his shit like what my ammar agree stands up and to a judge she goes hun we drop those charges everyone calls people hun and ball more she goes hun we dropped their chart that lady said first of all you don't call me hun i am a judge you address me as your honor we're all like and they fucking took him back and he was screaming going on did they put a the family put a charge on him yeah he had he would do things like he would show up to their place in a cab the man they pay for it, they didn't.

He'd throw a brick through the window. So they had him arrested for that. Jesus Christ. And they really did drop the charges, but it was just a clerical error that never made it to the paperwork. And she's like, I got to do what I got to do. We're taking you back today. And they were pulling him back, and he was going nuts. Oh, my God. Yeah, so that ended up that back today. And he was, they were pulling him back and he was going nuts. Oh my God.

Yeah. So that ended up that fucking haircut. But he would say shit to me. He would swear to me that nurses would give him head in the hospital. He would. And then, and part of the time you're like, I don't know.

But one that really blew my mind was he had this scab on his stomach and he was like, they keep coming in and cutting me and testing me. They're taking me to the doctor today ryan i think i got something i think i got a disease in that that cut i'm like what are you gonna do he's like i got a plan so i talked to him later that day and i'm like what did you do about that disease man he goes you know what i did with that scab i picked it off and threw it away he thought like the scab held the disease yeah and you could just pick it off and flick it away like that shit's gone ages out of here now can you imagine wow that's where he gets i talk about people like it's not funny mental and it's not mental illness is obviously not funny but the

shit he would do we would take him so be me and my two brothers his daughter and two sons on christmas eve we'd go over'd take them a plate of food. We'd hang out with them for a little while and shit. And there'd be times where he's like, you guys got a joint? We're like, we shouldn't be smoking. We were just giving him a joint. Was he a schizophrenic guy? So we give him a joint.

Oh, no. And he smokes it. And now we're driving back to my aunt's in the city, which is 12 minutes away. We get back. What are you all giving him? We? He would rat us out. He's like, thank you.

He's like, they came over and gave you that food. Thanks. By the way, they gave you a big fat joint. So then we would play that. Why are you listening to his crazy ass? Nobody gave him. We all had to be on the same team. He would come to my grandmother's house when I live with her.

He'd sit in a chair and he smoked cigarettes like this. I mean, he doesn't pull it any farther away than three, about three inches from his mouth and not just down, done, down, done. And he'll do through three packs. My, his mom died of breast cancer and she would say all the time, I don't know how he even has a fucking throat left and I'm dying of cancer over here. And he is, he's still alive, still alive alive smoking cigarettes like that too still smoking cigarettes like this chain

a carton in three days what is a carton i don't even know 20 packs that's roughly seven packs a day something like that a day for for decades for decades that's so crazy oh my god That's so crazy. Oh, my God. That is so crazy. Now, do you remember what he was like before he was schizophrenic? I don't, because when I was a kid, he was already gone. But my dad loved him and would bring him out to the house because he was safe. He was just crazy. He would say shit, and he'd be like, don't, you know.

Just don't give him a brick. Yeah, that's right. Be nice. Don't give him a fucking brick. But my dad would tell me all the time he was a phenomenal athlete like i said great at karate he had a black belt he was great at lacrosse no just he's he tried to tell me so highland town is the area where uh my aunt never is the old greek town in baltimore it's not it's you know greek is long gone in that neighborhood but that's where he grew up and he would try to tell me that highland town was the hate ashbury in baltimore i was like get the fuck out of here with that garbage but he was doing acid you know early 11 12 and he'd dabble i think he said that

early and then eventually after like into the college years the 20s he really fucking ramped it up and so he told So he was fine before that? Yeah, 100%. He made himself crazy. The common story is people that have a tendency to schizophrenia or maybe they have a likelihood of developing it later in their life, acid trips, mushroom trips, heavy psychedelics tend to bring out schizophrenia. They tend to make it manifest.

So maybe he was ripe for it because there's there's no other mental illness in the family it's just him just just him um yeah man i think especially when you're young you know i mean think about how many people have had horrible horrible acid trips just taking way too much and tried to fight it and just been fucked up for days and weeks and then you still feel slippery. Like life feels weird even after those trips. I had a DMT trip one time that fucked me up for a couple weeks. Like for a couple weeks afterwards.

I'd be driving my car and I'd be thinking there's going to be a car that's going to launch itself off the fucking oncoming lane and fly right into me. I was thinking I had this image that it was going to be upside down and the car was going to hit the windshield. Flying upside down coming into you? Yeah, flying upside down and just slant. For weeks after this? Yeah, weeks.

Weeks afterwards. That's why I'm scared of that shit. It's because I tried to think about what was possibly happening. I think it dissolved my ego so much and it made me think so much about how relatively unimportant every single person is in terms of the greater scheme of the universe that whatever it

did to me had broke down all my conceptions of myself all my preconceived notions of myself so much that my ego was freaking out. So it tried to invent danger. So I would have to be more primal to defend myself and go, look out, look out over there. There's danger. Instead of me going, man, what the fuck is life? What is this? What is, what is the energy that courses through your body?

What is the purpose of the human race? Like, what are we moving towards? Why are we so committed to innovation and technology? I had all these crazy thoughts where I was trying to figure out what the purpose of the the activities of the human race were that it was so bizarrely different than my normal pattern of thought that my mind just started coming up with all sorts of weird paranoid ideas with things it took me like two weeks before i normalized and after two weeks i felt normal and i didn't do DMT again for years after that. Years.

So comedians have come on and talked about it. Is it just, I'm obviously asking you because I'm ignorant. Is DMT, isn't that the chemical your body releases as you die? They think your body releases it as you die, but they don't really know. They know that your body makes it. They know that your liver makes it and your lungs make it. And they think that your pineal gland makes it, which is your third eye. And reptiles, it actually has a retina and a lens. Really? Yeah. Yeah. The pineal gland, it sits in the center of your brain, literally is your third eye. If you look at a third eye in the Eastern

mysticism, that's where the pineal gland is. And they know that rats while they're alive produce DMT in the pineal gland this is a new study that was done I think this research was published over the last five or six years so because of the fact they know that now they're assuming that human beings also produce it in the pineal gland which would you know it kind of sort of verifies what everybody always thought the pineal gland is they thought they would call it the seed of the soul that this is where your your journey to the afterlife begins in the pineal gland and that this chemical gateway opens up and your soul you'd be the person to ask so like i've never done acid coke i'm weed i've done ecstasy a couple times. Not for me.

I've done shrooms a couple times where I enjoyed it, but after a while, I was like, okay, get the fuck out of here. You know what I mean? It's enough. It's enough. I get it. But a friend of mine, this was when I first moved out here, we went and saw Pink Floyd at the Rose Bowl. And we take a bunch of weed and some drinks, and he's got a couple. This guy and girl are going to meet us there.

And she brings shrooms. And I'm just like, I'm cool. I'll pass. But the three of them do the shrooms. And we're in the middle of the concert, and fuck it, the pigs are inflated, and they're bouncing, and we're having a great fucking time. And I look to my left over here, and I look back to my right, and my friend's gone. He's gone. And I hear screams.

look back to my right and my friend's gone he's gone and i i hear screams and i and i look down and he's passed out okay he's gone into a seizure so rose bowls the bleacher stadium seats so he what happened was he fell back and his feet got locked up under the bleacher in front of him so he's bent completely like this. And these fucking idiots behind him, I shouldn't say fucking idiots. I don't blame them. They got scared. Instead of catching him, they moved out of the way. So his head strikes the bleachers, and he starts going into a fucking seizure. And I'm like, I've never seen anybody do this from shrooms.

And they're all yelling, is he epileptic? I said, I don't know anything. The girl that gave them to him, she saw it and she just immediately had to, she started vomiting in her like $45 concert shirt. She just, her trip went south immediately. And I did not, I didn't know what to do. And I just fucking punched him. You punched him?

I punched the shit out of him in his face. In his face? In his face, bro. Right across the jaw. And he woke up and he's like, what the fuck happened? And I was like, you just passed out and had a seizure. He's like, how long was I out? I was like, how long do you think you were out? And he's like what the fuck happened i was like you just passed out and had a seizure he's like how long was i out i was like how long do you think you were out and he's like two minutes i was like it's about 15 seconds dude he's like holy shit and then he was fine after that but i've never seen yeah i don't know if the head striking the bleachers what caused the seizure

or but he just had this moment where he just passed out from shrooms i've never seen that before it does happen people get knocked out and they seizure that. I've never seen that before. It does happen. People get knocked out and they seizure. That does happen. I've seen that before. Their toes lock up. One of the things people get punched and knocked out, their toes lock up. Really?

Their whole body like... I know about the arms that go up like this. Yeah. This shit's dangerous. This, their arms extend. Yeah, it just extends. It happens all the time in fights. The weirdest thing, this is make me laugh

just the weirdest thing i've ever seen on weed you know smoking weed so i'm a oriole fan i'm a ravens fan and and back in the day i'd go to anaheim by myself to see the orioles and uh play the angels and just nothing was built around there then it's a dirt lot. I go buy a scalp ticket, a single from this dude, and then I'd go across the street to like $4 parking and where like it's a business complex, like LADWP. They're all in there. But the buildings are in a square and the parking's all in the middle. And it's just me.

And a friend of mine one time, he's like, hey, he's a Cubs fan. He's like, I know you're going to go to the game today. I love baseball. You mind if I roll with you? I'm like, no, man. Let's go do it together. So we go out. It's a 1 o'clock game, so we're getting out there at like 11.

And the two of us are sitting in the middle of this empty parking lot of hundreds of spaces. We're smoking. We got sand chairs, smoking joints, drinking a little beer in the parking lot, tailgating before we go into the game. Like 150 yards down this corner, this fucking pickup truck hops the curb and i mean like a hundred miles an hour is gunning right at us you know again with your friends it happens so quick we like rip our chairs like the fuck's going on and you know those uh like those cadillac commercials the on the dry lake beds with the mirage and it's humming right at you that's what

this fucking thing looks like and it's a big ass truck and it pulls up and and it's humming right at you. That's what this fucking thing looks like. And it's a big-ass truck, and it pulls up, and it parks, like, just four spaces to our left. Just hundreds of spaces. And we're looking at each other like, what the fuck? This lady gets out, and she's like, what's up? We're like, what's up? And she pops the tailgate down. And it's all happening so fast.

This is obviously her shit, because she's just fluid doing everything. She grabs this thing, snaps it open. It's a big-'s a big ass wheelchair i'm like what the fuck is going on she goes over the passenger door she opens the door up and she gets her friend out who doesn't have legs and we're like what the fuck is happening right now she sets her friend in the wheelchair and she's like you guys got weed you got beer we got fucking jello shots let's do it we partied our ass off with these ladies i was so high i was like is there something out of nowhere dude just decided to party with you we're pulling in here you're here we're here she doesn't have legs we're fucking doing this and we were like

holy shit they had jell-o they were the nicest cola everyone knew her you know she was a rolling through like what's up theresa you know doing, hey. You know, and she's sticking shit under her blanket. I was like, that's the weirdest shit I think I've ever seen when I've been smoking marijuana right there. Well, when partying is happening, the normal rules of life kind of go out the window. Weird shit happens. But I'm a yes and guy. I like the story.

I wasn't going to be like, let's pack our shit up and get the fuck out of here. I was like, let's stay here and party with these two. Doesn't seem too dangerous. No. Two ladies. One of them's got no legs. How about it? One of them's a crazy driver.

Well, she was a crazy. So that, but what she told me, she's like, you got a Cherokee. I go, how'd you get in down there? She goes, you can hop the curb down there and park back here for free. I did that for two more seasons, all that off that tip of her. Oh, right. So she just, it was big enough. She didn't have to go, right, because she has a four-wheel drive.

Pop it right over the curb and go. She was the shit, man. Clever lady. Clever girl. Yeah, partying. It's not good for you, but it makes some good goddamn memories. I remember it took me, when I first started smoking, I was a late bloomer on weed.

I was 21 when I started smoking. I was 30. Yeah, you were late. And it took me a month. I was ignorant to the whole idea of just having to learn how to smoke, to take smoke into my lungs. It didn't even dawn on me. I would just be like, oh, let's take it in. I won't cough or anything.

So it took like a month before I got high. And the first time I got high, I remember freaking the fuck out. And I was trying to talk myself through it. Like, it's a plant. You can't overdose unless you smoke your body weight. At least I heard that one time. I don't know if that's true. Even a newborn preemie can't do it.

I'm saying this shit to myself. But I kept asking questions out loud. Like, you guys hear my heart beating? I was so scared. I was like, I'm dying. And no one's even taking me to the hospital. It's kind of fucked up, guys. They were like, shut the fuck up.

Go downstairs, dude. You're brand new. My stepdad smoked weed and we stole it once when I was in high school. And me and my girlfriend and my friend Josh smoked pot over my girlfriend's house. And we were 16? I think I was 16 and my girlfriend was 15. And we got so high that we would wake up in the kitchen and then wake up in the living room like we would be missing time.

We'd be missing spots. Like, how did we get here? Like, I'll never forget that. Like, when you're 16, you don't really get paranoid because you're not worried too much about stuff. You're too stupid. Your brain hasn't fully formed yet. That's right.

You know? And I didn't really understand pot. I have no idea how much we smoked. We just kept smoking it You know when you're 16, you don't know to stop you just keep smoking And I just remember like my whole body was tingling and we're like lying on the couch together And we like couldn't move like oh my god I can't move then all sudden we were in the kitchen standing in front of the refrigerator like how do we get here? How did we get here? Yeah?

We were too high. We just didn't know what we had no idea what was happening That's that's the one thing that's cool about getting people high that don't get high as you get to see that Overwhelming rush where they don't really know what this is or what to do right Chris McGuire. I Got him high once you know chris no stand-up comic funny guy he produces a bunch of tv shows now he's one of the he produces i think he's the executive producer of that um snoop dog and uh the show martha stewart oh yeah okay um anyway got him high and he's like i think there's something else in this pot i think there's something else in it no no it's just that's what pot's like today he's like no no no no no no this

isn't pot this isn't pot this is more than pot like no this is pot this is what pot is now pot is now a different thing it's like you totally you go back to some pot from the 1960s those hippies they didn't know what the fuck they were smoking bullshit yeah this pot today is scientifically organized so my uncle uh he's in his 80s he's got stage four cancer he's he's on his way out and he's not eating at all it's a couple weeks now he hasn't had a bite to eat in like two weeks and my cousin takes care of him and he's like i'm thinking about giving him weed i'm like give him weed give it to him he's fucking 80 a couple years old he's got stage four does it matter at this point like heroin give whatever the fuck he

wants to put him at rest he's's like, I think I'm going to give him weed. I'm like, let him smoke some. He used to smoke a pipe. Let him smoke a little bit. So he goes down and he gives him some weed and he smokes it. And he's like, I'm just going to stay here with you for a few hours. And a few hours go by. He's like, how do you feel? He's like, I don't really feel anything, but I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed. And the next day, my cousin goes back to see him with some more weed. And he's like, how was you feel? I was like, I don't really feel anything, but I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed. And the next day, my cousin goes back to see him with some more weed. And he's like, how was last night? And he goes, I didn't feel weird.

He goes, but I slept like a baby. And he's like, all right, good. Let's try this again. Day two, not eating after almost two weeks, nothing. Smokes weed. And he's sitting with him for a couple hours. He's like, how do you feel? He goes, you know, I think I could eat.

And he ate a fucking plate of spaghetti and meatballs, heavy ass meatballs, boom, on day two from smoking marijuana. And I was like, keep, because Maryland's way behind. I think they finally just have their first and only legal dispensary, and he's the prime candidate for that shit. You know what I mean? I'm like, go get him a prescription now and just let him smoke himself on the way out. That's one of the saddest things about it being illegal and stigmatized for so

long there's so many people with diseases and arthritis inflammation all sorts of problems that have just been just you know just told that they can't you know they can't have this one thing that's going to give them relief and it's not hurting anybody. It's just a plant. I got some CBD cream on my back right now. It fucking works. It's phenomenal. That stuff's amazing. I can't even get over it. No side effects.

I'm new to the CBD side of it, and I'm just like, man, it really fucking works. Dude, I carry this shit with me everywhere. Right in the fanny pack. I got this Liberty Lotion. This stuff right here. Oh, yeah. I love that stuff. I started using it when I had some tendinitis.

I've healed it since, but I had some tendinitis on my elbow. I started using that. I was like, ooh. How many times a week? Whenever. You could use it whenever. It doesn't hurt. And the next day you feel, or how pretty quick you feel?

Real quick, man. I feel this pretty quickly. Yeah. I had a bit of a pulled muscle on the outside of my hip. It was real stiff, and it was bothering me. I put some of that shit on before I went to bed. I woke up in the morning. I was like, of a pulled muscle on the outside of my hip. It was real stiff and it was bothering me. I put some of that shit on before I went to bed. I woke up in the morning.

I was like, what did it go away? It was weird. I went to bed with it. It was aching. And I woke up in the morning, nothing. Yeah, it's powerful. I just slathered that stuff all up on there. It just reduces inflammation. I'm going to write that one down.

And here's the thing, is one of my sponsors. Here, you can have that one. Thank you. You can have that. And here's the thing. It doesn't hurt sore joints and problems with muscles. That stuff's amazing. It just loosens you up.

And it doesn't hurt you. It doesn't fuck you up. It doesn't get you high. You feel exactly the same. And some people would take it orally. I take it orally occasionally, but most of the time I just rub it on any part that's sore. But when you take it orally, they find that it relieves anxiety. It helps them relax.

And it doesn't fuck you up. You can drive. It's not like you're high. You're paranoid. It just chills you out a little bit. It just calms you down. I just got a CBD vape pen. I've tried the vape.

The vape pens don't work well for me. The marijuana ones. Plant works well for my system. Even edibles don't really i took two stars of death in front of joey diaz didn't do a day he goes it's a shame you don't do anything to you this fucking guy he he's he doesn't get high on jamie jamie has one of those weird bodies where he can eat like what's the most amount of edibles you've ever eaten 1300 milligrams jesus see that's what here's what i feel like i feel like I would have to figure out what that number is,

go past that point, and then dial it back from there, and I don't really want to go past that fucking point. You know, 1,300 is insane. I was trying to test to see what it took to. But that's when you felt it? I don't know that I did. I'm sure I did a little bit, obviously. I had to have.

Like, I did it again. I took 1,000 and played video games, and like five hours in, it was really tough to play games. I was just like, I didn't care. I didn't want to sit there anymore. So it was hard to keep my attention on it. So it obviously worked at some point. Right. But I wasn't freaking out or anything like people would describe.

Man, I can't take more than 100. I go into the hundreds, and I start getting weirded out. Like, I'm a 25 to 50 milligram guy because it gives me a little high, just get a little high and I'm fine. Unless I want to go into the tank, I'll take a hundred and go in the tank. But when I get in there, I'm like, just let me lie down. Just let me lie down. And I start thinking, I literally started thinking about things I did when I was 14.

Like, why did I say that? Why did I do that? Like, hey man, forgive yourself. You were 14. Stop beating yourself up, bro. I was 14. Like, why did I say that? Why did I do that? Like, hey, man, forgive yourself. You were 14. Stop beating yourself up, bro. You're 14. But I literally will think about stupid shit that I did when I was a little kid. It's so, it just, it forces you to examine anything in your life that you might have

pushed aside. Yeah. Like, you have to come to grips and make restitution and figure out what the fuck you did that for and why did you have those thoughts and why did you behave that way and you know how are you different now and how have you grown past that that's the thing about marijuana that it's a really highlight it's a there's a lot of it people say it makes you paranoid and it certainly does but i think a lot of what that is is just making you aware of things you're trying to not think about. It's convenient for you in normal life to not think about those things.

But as soon as you get high, marijuana is like, hey, there's some shit that's bothering you and you're not even thinking about it. Hey, come with me. We're going to the back of your head and I'm going to shine a light on this. Yeah. Look at all this stuff. What are you going to do with that? So dress this, motherfucker. How about you clean this shit up?

Yeah. Those pens pens do you like them have you tried them i have i'm not a fan um i i occasionally will use a pen but i i prefer smoking joints yep that's what i like that's it yeah that's it i um so when from time to time i'll clean out my just my place i believe in just getting cluttered opens up so many different avenues to bring other things in so I instead of just throwing it all away I make a game out of it so I go out to the Pasadena Rose Bowl and I just sell my shit I just sit there in a parking space and half by myself and I fucking sell garbage and my goal every time is to sell everything

whatever I don't sell I I swing by Goodwill. I donate it, and then I'm out of there. How much have you made doing that? Well, I would average $350, which is a solid four or five-hour day out there having fun. Just yelling at people, watching the goofs. Because you see a lot. It's interesting. It's a weird social experiment because you see the people that are addicts to whatever it is shoes belts

leather whatever then you see people who are addicted to the sale oh that's just too good to pass up i don't need that fucking iron but it's 50 cents i'm buying that motherfucker you know what i mean and you're like wow so you see you're like oh okay you really like you want all my leather goods you know they'll come running to you for musical instruments and jeans or the that's the first wave of people they're sprinting through you have jeans you have musical instruments so i just take shit my average was 300 bucks as my uh my daughter's mother and we were i was like i'm just gonna sell all our shit and she's like you're not gonna make a lot of money i'm like i'll make at least 350 bucks it's

a fun day throw it toward some baby stuff you know so I go out and you got to get out there before the sun's up you know and and you've got all kinds of people out there they're praying to mecca before the sun comes up and shit like wow this is a whole universe of different fucking people not only the sellers the buyers and this the rose bowl it's the rose bowl it's the second sunday of every month yeah what do they call it the pasadena flea market and it's at the rose bowl do you have to have a license you buy a permit and basically your parking your space is a parking space and a half that's all you get it's narrow so people are right on top of you so i pull the truck in and then i just set everything up behind it so i can chill in the truck and i i just put blankets down i'm

like five dollar blanket i just start yelling everything like got books got cds people still buy cassettes when are you doing this again i'm ready to do it now i got so much yeah i want to watch it's so much fucking fun so i get out in the lane and also play a game too like a friend of mine he would go once in a while i'm like all right let's pick the fucking item you should never be able to sell but our goal is you got to fucking sell them we had i had a vhs self-prostate exam a vhs cassette and i was like i'm gonna sell this he's like you're definitely not gonna sell that today and i packaged it with a little roll away and i was like by the way this is a hilarious father's day prank she's like that's great how much i was like a buck bought

it boom but i just get out there and i yell you know because i sold a leather jacket a nice one and this guy came sprinting over, do you have any more leather goods? I'm like, I'm not, no, I just had one leather jacket. And I'm like,

uh, I'm out there like, so my, my whole thing is I set it all up and I don't bring plant cause you can smell that a mile away. So I bring these little, you know, that brought this vape pen and I'm hitting the fucking thing and I'm hitting the thing

and I'm all set up. Now I got a, a $10 table, $5 blanket and shit, and whatever doesn't sell by about 1130 noon, now it's a $2 blanket. Now it's a dollar blanket. Everything's a dollar.

Everything's a dollar. Who are you bullshitting? And they come running over, and they'll buy books. I'm like, can I get four of these for a dollar? I'm like, yep. So I'm hitting this vape pen, and I start to feel this weird sensation in my chest and it spreads to my arms and it's almost like like i'm almost powerless i can't i can't raise my arms and i see the circle start to close and i'm like oh no i'm by myself

like there's no fucking way breathe through this shit and i'm just like don't pass out don't and i've never passed out but that circle was fucking closing and i caught myself and i was able to keep with it and i was texting you know my daughter's mom like some shit you know it's fucking 6 a.m she's dead asleep like if i if you don't hear from me in 30 minutes you know i'm texting weird shit. So I sell. I get back to myself and I start selling shit. And by the end of that day, I fucking sold the table I brought to bring the shit on. I went home with nothing. And I get home and she's like, how'd you do? And I go, not as good as I thought I would because I thought I'd make $350. So they start telling me that everybody in the apartment complex had bets against me of what I would make.

And I was like, what was the top? They're like $150. I fucking threw $650 on that table. I was was like that's a good motherfucking day out at the rose bowl wow ps almost died so i tell my friend about that who he grows marijuana he smokes from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed and i was like i'm hitting one of these pens this weekend at the thing he goes let me tell you how that ends i go what do you mean he goes i hit one this weekend at a wedding same fucking thing he went into a seizure they they took him to a hospital from the wedding all these people seizure seizure and i'm like what he said for a good 15 minutes when they were like you're at the hospital he didn't know what a hospital was he was like i

he said it took him a minute to come back to himself wow and i was so i just recently tried a new one again i was like let me just try it like an idiot but for like a good two weeks i had that feeling of like i didn't have my strength you know what i mean like i couldn't really yeah it was so weird all across this you think it's all the vape pen like what is in the vape what isn't that stuff i because there's a bunch of oils and stuff that they use to make that. There was wax. That's what they all tell you. We can't tell you. I did Todd Glass' podcast a while ago and I was like, dude, you've had a

heart attack. You shouldn't be smoking those pens. As I'm telling him that story, his producer's got this look in his eye. I can tell he's like, dude. When did Todd have a heart attack? A little while ago. A few years back. I didn't know. Yeah. Young. His producer was like, step by step what you're saying to me happened to me and todd glass took him through that shit over his shoulder i was like dude get rid of that thing

yeah just regular weeds good that's it plant stop playing around there's no you don't need anything else yeah the people are always giving me stuff and i was like look i just like joints and sometimes i like blunts i like blunts this is the latest thing with tobacco on the outside yeah see i don't like that i i like it the the thing i never liked about the blunts was i really like the taste of weed and i that old philly's like that wrapper it dominates the flavor right it's like cilantro you know what i mean you don't taste anything but that yeah yeah i love speed yeah yeah he's got the shit and that's that stuff is this stuff it's got it's like got some sort of a nice tobacco leaf outside but powerful weed inside you just gotta be careful how many hits you take yeah i bet yeah that fucking looks but it gives you like a little elevated thing too

like i had charlie mur Murphy was always into them. And that's how I first got introduced to blunts. I was hanging out with Charlie. We did a tour together and we would get high together. Charlie was always rolling blunts. I was like, all right, I'll try it. And I tried it. I was like, wow, this is interesting.

I'm like, it's different. It's like, it's different, right? It's different. It's like it's weed, but it's also something else. You know, it's got a little extra kick. But yeah, this pen thing. It's weed, but it's also something else, you know? It's got a little extra kick. But yeah, this pen thing and just people are always trying to find new ways to get fucked up. Like, there's enough ways.

They're already established. Yeah. The joints are the best. I mean, I was telling you about those doctors when we were talking before the show. And the thing he said about smoking a bowl is just the only thing you have to worry about is the butane you're sucking in from the lighter it's not the you know smoking in glass don't put it in like taste it yeah you can absolutely i just saw a lighter the other day at a shop that was uh alcohol i've never seen that before and i don't know if that's i don't know if that's any better for you or not but it was an alcohol lighter instead of a butane lighter

i imagine it would be better but i've used matches before for that very reason because I could smell. Yeah. Like that's with cigars. Like you're not supposed to light a cigar with a butane lighter. They stink. Right. And you're supposed to light it. The real cigar dorks, they'll take a cigar or a lighter rather and they'll light a piece

of cedar and then they'll use that piece of cedar to light the cigar with. So there's no bullshit no no bullshit fumes they'll take a match light the cedar and then take that cedar light the cigar yeah i'm not a blunt fan though but i get it i've smoked enough of them but i'm like i really like that's why i like joints because you can taste the weed i enjoy the taste of marijuana yeah i do too especially the good California weed. The stuff we're getting today, it's like, it's nice.

We're living a good time. We do live in a damn good time. I gotta wrap this up. It's 3 o'clock. Ryan, you're a good man. I'm glad we finally did this, brother. Yeah, thank you so much, man. Let's do it again. I would love to. Tell people about your podcast, Crab Feast. Yeah, The Crab Feast. Go to thecrabfeast.com. Subscribe. Every Tuesday we're out. And I'm Ryan Sicklerast. Go to thecrabfeast.com. Subscribe.

Every Tuesday we're out. And I'm Ryan Sickler on all social media. RyanSickler.com. And where can they catch you on tour? Hilarious stand-up comedian too, by the way. Right now I'm just in L.A. I'm at the Comedy Store. Actually, tonight. Hey, I got some dates.

I'm at... What time are you at the store tonight? I'm 10.30 tonight. I'm there next week in the main room at 8.30. And I'm at the Hollywood... Oh, on the 14th. And I'm at the Hollywood Improv on the 16th. Woo! That's it, folks. Goodbye, everybody. in the main room at 8.30 on the 14th, and I'm at the Hollywood Improv on the 16th.

Woo! That's it, folks. Goodbye, everybody. See you fuckers in Chicago. Thank you so much.