The Joe Rogan Experience - #1135 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 25, 2018

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and also hosts the podcasts Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank & Punch Drunk Sports both available on Spotify. See Ari at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe from August 3-27.

Ari Shafir speed rapping in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go. What if I said... Big Mac would be on the shelf. Yeah, we were talking about how impressive Mac Lethal is, but then Ari goes, yeah, but you've got to read the words. Otherwise you have no idea. Yeah, so... You could be making everything up.

And then Ari goes, yeah, but you've got to read the words. Otherwise you have no idea. Yeah. You could be making everything up. So in that sense, he's gone too far. He's like triple F tits. You can't sing along with that. No.

Triple F tits. Yeah. He went crazy. We're like, I like big boobs. Like, do you like this much big boobs? All right. Those girls who crush beer cans with their fake boobs. You ever seen those?

Yeah. You ever seen those? They line up beer cans and just smash them with the weight of their tit. It's like the most unsexy thing ever. It's like this hypersexuality gets morphed into this weird distortion. It's a sexual version of when your dad catches you smoking. He's like, now smoke the whole pack if you like cigarettes so much. That's exactly what it is.

Look at this one. Watch this gal. She's got her tits and she smashes these beer cans. Oh my God. Dude, could you imagine? Of course they're Fosters fucking bogus. Of course this is goddamn. Australia.

Australian shit. That's hilarious. She's straight from Tassie. Look at those fucking hands. Look at Steve Harvey. Oh, it's not Australian. It's a Steve Harvey show. They just went with Fosters.

He's there because she's got to be Australian. That's why they went with Fosters. That kind of behavior. Maybe they just wanted a big can. Big can smash big cans. Yeah, big cans. Oh, yeah, maybe. Fosters are those giant cans.

Yeah, they are. Maybe Budweiser didn't want any part of it, so they couldn't get a Bud Tallboy. By the way, you know nobody in Australia drinks Fosters. No, they don't, right? They don't even have them available in most bars. Really? Yeah, it's not even like Bud Light where nobody really drinks it. How sneaky.

It's just marketing. Everything's marketing. What is a beer? Like our beer is, Pabst Blue Ribbon is kind of fun. Uh-huh. Because it's so white trash. Yeah. You pull out a can of Pabst.

Like I'll drink a can of Pabst at the store sometimes. At the store? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Like at the supermarket? No, comedy store. Oh, at the comedy store. At the store?

I was like, what? Like while you're shopping? I go in with flip flops on. You garbage white trash. I go in with flip flopsops on. You garbage white trash. I go in with flip-flops on, boxer shorts, fuck it, wife beater, drinking a gigantic Pabst Blue Ribbon. That's normal Australian life, though, dude. That's a quarter of the men would do that kind of shit.

Like, while I'm shopping for other snacks. Yeah. I love it over there. I really do. They're great people. If you were going to ask, their beer like that is VB. VB. Yeah. If there was another country that I their beer like that is VB. VB. Yeah.

If there was another country that I would live in besides America or besides the United States, it would be Canada. And if there's another country I'd live in besides Canada, it would be Australia. For sure. And Canada because it's right there. Canada's too cold. Not Vancouver. Vancouver's too cold as well. Nah, you could handle it, son. I could handle it. You're a traveling man. Yeah, I skipped

the fucking winter so I could go traveling. Oh, you're handle it, son. I can handle it. You're a traveling man. Yeah, I skipped the fucking winter, so I could go traveling. Oh, you're saying I can travel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Because if you're just not there in the rainy season, which is like nine months, the other three months are amazing. I was doing the math on New York the other day of like saying how many actual months of nice it is, and it's really a six and six. Yeah. Not even nine and three. No, it's not six and six.

Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, there's some six and six. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. There's some rugged days in those nice months too. You know, those six. Yeah. If you go like, it's really probably nine, but there's three months that are super sketchy. Super sketchy.

You can get snow in April. We got snow in April this year. Yeah. Yeah. That's annoying. I was in Australia and they were like, it's snowing in New York. I'm like, fucking good. That's a Prince song, by the way.

Snow in April? Sometimes it snows in April. Is that about cocaine? One of his more sensitive ones. No. Oh, it's not? It's about sadness. Oh.

Yeah. I used to listen to it when I was delivering newspapers. He was great. You know, Mark Norman had a theory that was proven wrong, I guess,

that Prince, when he died, he died of the last of the 80s AIDS. Yeah. He said he's been fighting it hard because of the money, but he got it back then. How dare he?

He never has fucking everybody. That's actually fucked up. He died from fentanyl, man. They all died from that fentanyl shit. That stuff kills everybody. They're testing drugs now at music festivals. They should. They did it in Australia when I was there.

They do it in the UK in some places where you just come in. They chip off the smallest amount, and they text you if your stuff is safe or not. And then it's way safer to do it than just fucking passing around fentanyl. God damn it. They need deregulation. They just do. They just need deregulation.

You're not saving anybody by making drugs illegal. You're just making it difficult to get good drugs. That's all you're doing. You're not stopping people from doing drugs. And fact when they legalize things often teen use goes down because it doesn't become so attractive anymore but people are stupid all right we're wired fucked up and if you tell us we can't do something that's the thing we want to do that's just how it is i will say to be fair i will say legalization of drugs would make more people do it i would have to think it would psychologically they say no when they've done studies there's nobody though there's some people

that wouldn't normally do it but like well there's a store right there all right i'll get some i don't know about that man i think it normalizes after a while i think it starts off like that in the beginning but i think what that is is the residual effect of making it prohibited the residual effect but then once it becomes legal, like alcohol, if you're 21, you don't walk by CVS and go, I could just go buy it.

Why don't I just go get some whiskey? Do you know what I mean? But people, way more people drink than do drugs. Right, but they don't do it because it's like a new thing that they could buy at the store. No, not because it's new,

but because it's so easy to get that it's just there. I'm saying, you gotta thank some people that never would have done it. I have conservative friends from high school that never would do it, but because it's so easy to get that it's just there. I'm saying you've got to thank some people that never would have done it. I have conservative friends from high school that never would do it. But if it was on the same level as alcohol in 20 years, they'd be like, yeah, I guess. My old friends are doing it.

I don't know if it's worse. I really don't. Not worse. I won't say it's worse. I'm just saying there's some people who would. But I think overall, you end up getting a lot less people, like total numbers, to do it. I think things would normalize. I really do. You end up getting a lot less people, like total numbers, to do it. I think things would normalize.

I really do. I think we have a real, there's a responsibility that I think society has to this fucked up prohibition that we know is ridiculous. We have too much information now. We know too much about people to make things prohibited when you make other things that are just as dangerous legal. Right. So it's all fucking farce. Yeah.

It doesn't make any sense. When alcohol is legal and marijuana isn't, or alcohol's legal and mushrooms aren't, you're talking nonsense. People drink themselves to death every day. To death, their liver effects. Every day. Not just liver effects, alcohol poisoning.

Thousands of people every year die from alcohol poisoning. Dude, you can't do mushrooms that much. You can't die from it. You can't. But it'll just stop working on you. You won't do anything. Exactly. You'll't die from it. You can't. But it'll just stop working on you. You won't do anything. Exactly. You'll have to keep doubling the dosage.

Yeah. By the end of the week, you'll be doing like a pound of mushrooms. And that's fine. Exactly. I would do that. Your shits will be crazy. Well, Dennis McKenna, who I had on last week, his brother Terrence had that theory about human evolution.

And it's a very compelling theory. That mushrooms make human evolution they might have caused it but might have been one of several factors there's several factors one of them was climate change like the monkeys had to move down from the trees because there was no food left and the grasslands had taken over where the um rainforest had been just because of climate change but that was the same period where all these undulates lived so all these cow-like creatures shit all over the place. The mushrooms grew out.

These monkeys that were experimental, the human monkey, started eating these things and then started developing language skills, more sophisticated hunting, better visual. Because the visual perception, especially in low doses, it actually increases acuity. It's been proven in scientific double-blind placebo-controlled studies. Yeah. It increases your vision increases your ability to recognize when things are shifting like say if you have two lines and one of them slightly shifts like maybe a half of one percent angle the people that were on mushrooms could see it you ever see a clock and be able to see the minute hand move like get zoned

in where you can like slowly sort of see it move i've done a couple times but only when i was little whoa but yeah that's what that kind of acuity. My vision sucks now, dude. When I look at a clock, I look at vague numbers. That clock right now, I look at that little one right there. Those are vague numbers. You can't see those?

I can see them. I know that's 12, 1, 2, 3. That's so close. That's four feet away. Look at this. Bam. Now I can see all the dots. I can see everything. Get the surgery. No, it's not that. It so close. That's four feet away. But now, look at this. Bam. Now I can see all the dots. I can see everything. Get the surgery. No, it's not that. It's close. It's nearsightedness.

It's what happens when you get older. It's just macular degeneration. This is too near for you? No, no, no. Things that are near don't look as good. That's like a good medium distance, but farther things look exactly the same. You're the same. Okay, yeah, yeah.

It's a slow degeneration of your eyesight due to age. My friend who's an op, remember my friend Steve Graham? Mm-hmm. He's an ophthalmologist. He's like, there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. Dr. Steve with the skier? Dr. Steve, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that. From the US ski team. He told me some great advice I will share with everyone. We were talking about, on my podcast, we were talking with him about the hours they put in. And I was like, if you're putting in 10 hours, you can't be as good at 4.30 as you are. He goes, oh, you should never make a doctor appointment in the afternoon. They're tired. They're not giving you their best work.

Wow. Yeah. He's like, always make a morning appointment when they actually just had their coffee. Like, all right, let's start. Dude. I had this guy, Dr. Matthew Walkerer on a couple weeks ago he's a sleep specialist he was talking about how important sleep is and one thing in common with a lot of people that suffer from alzheimer's is they were getting like three four hour sleep at night

they were those get up and go type people yeah and their brains wind up short now he's saying that really sleep is unbelievably important it's one of those podcasts you listen to it and it literally would change your behavior patterns i don't know if it would change my behavior patterns i sleep so fucking much it might i just stay in bed for like five hours sometimes after i wake up what's the point you're living the life hours if you're in a lot of ways if it's cold out i've told everybody man out of all my friends that you unquote made it, that became successful, you went the full whole hog. You're like the one who never got caught in any of the trappings. You got snipped.

You said, fuck it, I want to live in New York. You said, fuck it, I want to disappear in Asia for three months. They tell you to do something with your TV show and you're like, fuck you, it's over. I mean, you're really doing what everybody wants to do. I have one fuck you moment ever like that. Really. It's when I had a book deal and I gave them the money back. They were trying to fuck with it too much.

I was like, this is annoying. Doesn't it feel good to do that? It felt great. But I've only done it really once. Yeah. You're excellent at it. I feel more free than anyone around. I look around on this matrix level of like, why don't you guys have more freedom for yourselves?

Yeah. You've got the most freedom out of all my friends. We were talking about it with Bert and Renesisi. They were like, we were talking about what we envy of each other's lives, you know, their family life versus my whatever life. And they were like,

Bert was like, what do you think I envy about you, Ari? I'm like, huh? I was like, it's my freedom. And he was like,

I have just as much freedom as you. And I was like, I just started laughing. I was like it's my freedom and he was like i have just as much freedom as you and i was like i just started laughing i was like what are you talking about what the fuck are you talking about that doesn't make any sense yeah he was like what do you mean right as he had to explain it to him he goes burt ari could just from here just go away not call anybody yeah just go from here whatever he's got just go away yeah you can't do that if you didn't tell me you were going and you vanished for a few months you didn't tell me you were going and you vanished for a few months i would call the police you would yeah because i would worry about you but once you tell me like i'm gonna go to asia like all right dude i'll uh i guess i'll

talk to you when you get back people got so worried they're like what happens if you get arrested i'm like i'm gonna do the time bro i don't know i'll figure out a way to get to the embassy maybe but but if you just vanished yeah you kind of have a little bit of responsibility for people that care about you yeah you don't want to hurt their feelings and just let the word out yeah if you just tell them hey i'm going yeah then they have to deal with they might miss you but they just have to deal with it they don't have to like freak out like what happened to ari yeah i told my my parents wasn't gonna disappear on them that's good yeah you got to tell your parents but certain people fuck it let them figure it out yeah my manager got so mad she was like you can't not tell me where you're going and not be able to

reach you i'm like oh i definitely can i'm doing that because that's not i was like if it makes you feel better i'm not telling my mom how to reach me she's like that does make me feel better all right there's something to what you did though i think that's you i felt you felt like a little different to me when you came back really yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you had just, you know, you'd had so many experiences. Yeah, everything fades away responsibility-wise. I'm reading this book, The Talent Code. You ever heard of it? Uh-uh.

It's a really interesting book where they analyze performers in different venues, like different things that they do, different sports, different arts. Similarities between them? Yeah. Greg Jackson's into that. Who? Greg Jackson? Yeah, yeah. venues like different things that they do different sports different arts similarities yeah and jackson's into that who greg jackson yeah yeah it's an amazing book i think for anybody and it makes you really realize first of all how many sets you should be doing you should be doing a ton of long sets as many long the most time on stage you have the better it's very critical like the longer why do you think long sets are because it's an hour like you're going to perform if you're headlining right the most you can do those the

better because you really there that's a different thing when you do a weekend don't you feel like if you do thursday friday saturday at a comedy club saturday night late show you're fucking colliding i'm ready to fire and and if i do like the third straight week of five show weekends, you know, it's like by the end, it's like, oh, you guys are getting a wonderful show right now. Dude, you just get smooth. Yeah. One of the smoothest I ever got was I did that Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy and Hefron. And dude, we did 22 dates in a month.

We were just traveling. And then you just had it. Woo! You just go on stage. You're like in this zen state. You're doing so much stand-up. That's how I come back from Edinburgh. Yeah.

Yeah. You're just constantly. When you're just 25 straight days of an hour a night and then you're like, you have to tweak it a little when you get home, but it's just like you're there. You're just doing it over and over again all the way. I think in the beginning of stand-up,

when you're starting, I think lots of sets are good because then you learn how to win over a crowd a bunch of times. So three new crowds is better than one 45-minute set. Completely agree. But then, yeah, once you're doing it longer, it's like, look at it, like form your hour. Well, this is what I was getting to with that talent code book.

A lot of it is on development of skills. It's talking about how many amazing Brazilian soccer players came out of this one area and they were trying to figure it out and they realized, oh, it was, they have this other game that they play with a smaller, heavier ball and it's harder. And so they do that game and it's like in close, they'll do it in like a room,

like a small room like this room. They'll play the soccer game and they get amazing footwork and movement because of that because they're in such close quarters. They're very fast. Yeah. And so they take those skills

and apply them to soccer football whatever they call it and it's fucking amazing how much they excel yeah this is what i'm talking to some of those roast battle guys so there's all these roast battle guys and you know they're not like as as as developed on stage as they are for those roast battles yeah but some of them like joe dosh people like that they kill on those roast battles so then. But some of them, like Joe Dosh, people like that, they kill on those roast battles. So then it's like, what do you do? So I was talking to Eli Sayers,

who's like, unified champ. And we figured out, like, you just take those roast style jokes and apply them to the guy next to you in traffic or whatever. Yeah.

Like you're really just roasting any topic, you know, that comes up. Yeah. But you just gotta leave that shit eventually. Yeah,

no, I think there's, that's cross training. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I think there's things like that comes up. Yeah. But you just got to leave that shit eventually. Yeah, no, I think there's cross-training. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I think there's things like that with everything. And I think with you, what I was recognizing, I was like, oh, he's just sort of like data crunched all these cultures over four months. Like you came back with like you had like less patience for stupidity and more like a more expanded.

It's hard to gauge someone's understanding of the world. But the way you talked about things, it's like you had a more expanded view of things. You're like, well, you know, this is just America. You know, like your perspective is like you got everybody who thinks that this is the world. You're crazy. This is just America. We spend so much time in this bubble. But when you were out there for like four months, you came back.

It was almost like you were like, oh, okay. And I think as a human, and I think this is one of the things that happens bad to comedians when they become successful, which is one of the reasons why they drop off. They get really famous, really powerful. Why? I'm always interested in this. Because they don't take any new experiences in. Because they don't take any risks. Because too many people like them when they go on stage. I know that.

Play to your own crowd is a fucking awful. Play to your own crowd is terrible. But also, play to your own crowd is your fault. Here's why. You should know if your stuff is good and you should be working on it. You should be listening to your recordings. You should listen to them and go, is this something that I would want to pay to see? Right, right.

If it's not, let me fix it. Because I'm in the stage right now, the write a new act stage, where my act's terrible right now. I still have the old material that I'll have to abandon when October comes around, the special airs. To fall back on. But until then, I'm just developing shit, and the new stuff is like, I've got six new minutes

that are worth hearing. And then a lot of stuff is like i've got six new minutes that are worth hearing and then a lot of stuff is just fucking super clunky but if you don't do it if you don't scare yourself and if you don't experience new things you don't have you you have to know whether your stuff's any good okay and if you if you're not looking at it not paying attention it happens to a lot of famous comedians their specials as they get older get softer softer and softer and and there's just kinnison is always my favorite example because he's one of my all-time if not he's like prior and kinnison to me like that's

my mount rushmore you know and lenny bruce just for creating the whole thing but i have an idea i want to talk to you about later i forgot but when you watch early kinnison he was a fucking monster yeah he was a monster he was the best he was the best and it was such a short time but with him wasn't like sustained success it was a quick drop it was like oh he went crazy he went crazy he's hanging out with bon jovi and doing blow and banging strippers and being that guy he's being that rock star comedian guy and he didn't write anymore you could tell he was getting by on songs and dances. He was just like show business. He was doing almost a caricature of himself.

Exactly. Remember the Todd? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he went crazy, right? You know, the Todd got me into the store. Really? Yeah, he's the reason I got into the store. Wow.

He told me how to do it, too. And he told me, you're going to do that for your friends. Sit next to Mitzi, and when your friend's on stage, you laugh hard. And Mitzi will go along with you. Oh. Dude, he did that. He sat right next to mitzi and when your friends on stage you laugh hard and mitzi will go along with you oh dude he did that he sat right next to mitzi wow he told mitzi goes mitzi this kid's fucking hilarious she goes oh okay i'll watch him she just sort of believed it and i got lucky i had a great set and then but the todd was probably the loudest voice in the room he was in the back laughing his ass off wow so i do that for anybody i remember you do that

for mcguire and for whatever else. Anybody. Yeah. If you're, if you're, if you're doing a, if you were performing for Mitzi, I had to sit next to Mitzi. I used to sit next to her where my friends would showcase just so these fucking cock blocks wouldn't come in and try to talk to her.

That's true too. And he's like, what are you doing? Oh, in the middle of sets, someone performing for their future. Yeah, it's a showcase.

She's got 52 minutes there. Just leave her alone. So you just have to block. You get three minutes in front of the queen of comedy. Yeah. And these fucking cock blockers. So, oh, that's hot. Okay, here's what I was going to say about that

in terms of just like Kinnison being a character of himself. So he went crazy, but before he went crazy, there was a thing he used to do where he would go to the bartenders and take like glasses off and then just like as staring them down and just chuck it in the garbage just to like fuck with them you know and then when he went crazy i mean literally

crazy yeah um he's sort of half remembered doing that but to different parts so you just take them and kind of like throw them in the garbage but not kind of even know why he was doing it he was just like a a hollowed out version of that's how kinnison was he was like oh yelling right like yeah no man have rage not just yelling yeah it was it didn't make any sense anymore there was no point it was just he was just trying to perform and ride the wave but in the beginning he was angry so good he was so angry they asked him how come you don't make fun of men as much as make fun of women he goes because a man has never wanted to make me drive my car into a tree yeah fucking remember when he used to play that song i want my fucking records back i want my records back i hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood die die yeah man it was good

well you believed it he was this short fat ugly guy who was just screaming at the world for all of his pain. You knew he was in pain. And then when he wasn't in pain anymore, it wasn't fun. Then he wasn't in pain anymore. Then he was like, he was just this superstar. And it just didn't work as a superstar. It's weird. Yeah.

So you're saying a lot of these guys don't enter into new experiences? You have to have new challenges, new experiences. You have to be excited. You have to be excited about something. New thoughts. And I think that much like these Brazilian soccer players from, what is his name? Daniel Coyle? What's the author's name? Daniel Coyle? When he talked about these Brazilian soccer players playing in this tight room, the skills they developed in this really tight environment helped them in the big game. I think life is like what the training ground for stand-up is. And if your life is the same boring shit,

calling your agent, what do we got for me? You got a script for me? What are you drawing from? You don't have any, where's your real world? Yeah, and you really can't talk about that Hollywood shit. It's boring and people don't relate to it. Some people, look at Kathy Griffin.

That's all she talks about Yeah, it's like yeah, I mean this but it's okay for her. I mean, that's her thing. She likes to do it She would like her like it. It's no big deal, but not for me It's not for me and not for you I want to relate to someone coming to see my show what you want to relate to yourself, too Right, right, right half things to be like, oh, let me share this with you Yes, yeah, you want to do stand-up that you would pay for yeah, right, right, right? Which is hard be conscious of the audience all the time man because you know

there's you have to figure out why you're doing what you're doing too like am i doing what i'm doing just to get a laugh or am i doing what i'm doing because i would actually like it yeah just because i know it's working doesn't mean it's good yeah and with that with traveling over whatever it's like half of it was like let me get some new experiences to draw from. And the other half is let me just challenge myself in moments so I can practice overcoming things. Yeah. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. It's a crazy business, man. It's a crazy business. And unless you're on top of your own thoughts. You got to be up on yourself. It's like college stuff from high school where they're like, look, they don't care in college. They're going to let you fail.

They're not going to say, where's our report? Yeah. You know? This is even more intense. This is working for some really high-pressure corporation. With no one even understanding it. At least in college, you'd be like, oh, I've got to do this homework. People are like, oh, okay, I get that.

If you're like, I can't. I've got to go over my set. Like, do it later. What do you mean? What? Why? Yeah, nobody gets it. It went up yesterday.

You don't have to go up again. Well, not only that. Who would you talk to to try to explain it? There is maybe a thousand of us on earth. Artists know. Yeah. Yeah, they do. They understand.

Like a real painter or something like that. If you can explain it. So my thing is when I, yeah. But if you talk about like, how many headliners are there on earth? Is there a thousand? I mean, we're not talking cruise ships. No, no, no. We're talking about.

Someone who can get a special. Right, right, right. Someone who Comedy Central would watch or Netflix would watch or Amazon. Who would easily be a category of getting a special. Yeah, probably not a thousand. So, that's not a lot of people. Yeah, yeah. That's a shit small amount of people for an awesome job.

So, you got to figure out, well, why? Why is this a small amount of people? Because it's a bloody fucking catastrophe leading up to success there's no chance of money early on not even a chance dude and you go and go i'm gonna make it it's like okay if you're on a fast track it's gonna be seven years if you're on the fast yeah if you're on the fast track like it ain't around the corner dude and you're subject to bombing like, jump off a bridge bombing at any one of those years. Oh, yeah.

Jump off a bridge bombing. I was trying to explain to someone what the cold sweats were and how it's like you're almost, like, out of it. You feel the sweat, but you're shivering at the same time. You know what was the worst for me? Laying in bed at night after the show. Oh, yeah. Going over it. Everything that went wrong.

Just gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Embarrassment. Fuck. Beyond embarrassment. after the show oh yeah going over it everything that went wrong gut-wrenching embarrassing embarrassment fuck beyond embarrassment beyond embarrassment just ruthless destruction of your self-esteem just oh fuck yeah there's a lot of people that just won't go back after that why would you why would you you? That's one theory. What's before theory? Hypothesis. Because I haven't proven it at all of why there's fewer women in stand-up. Because my friend who's a researcher who's like women's development, Rachel Simmons, writes books on it.

She said that women just, I don't know, I forget if it's sociologically or physically, probably sociologically, are less able to accept rejection early on. It just doesn't go with who they are. And so they just like don't do those things. And so you have to push them. If you have daughters, you have to push them to like try and fail and try and fail because failure makes you succeed. But early on in stand-up, it's only failure. Yeah.

So if your gender's less into that, less taking that, like outside rejection or something, something then you're like i don't want to do this i mean we didn't want to do it sexist as fuck and i have to denounce you now publicly that's fair i have to go on twitter and tell everybody that you're supporting gender stereotypes you gotta say it definitely men have forced women uh to not be able to accept rejection we put them in this category where they can't accept rejection. Perfect. Which proves that men and women are equal. What? So now when they've been socialized by a patriarchy to not accept that, then they go into an environment where it's only failure and they go, I don't want to do this.

I think if I had to guess, I think stand-up is at least 20% to 25% harder for women. This is why. I think there's subjects is at least 20 to 25% harder for women. This is why. I think there's subjects that, especially when you're starting out, men don't want to hear from you in the audience. Men don't want to hear about politics. You have a bigger hurdle when it comes to points of view, politics, or advice. Anything where a woman is like, like a guy can get on stage and say,

Listen, guys, you want to fucking get your life in order. You got to stop, blah, blah, blah. And then the joke set up and then go on. But a woman would have a hard time giving advice, being accepted by meatheads. Right. I'll say this might be true because when I see young comics, let's not make it gender, just young comics talking about politics, what's going to change. Part of me goes like 26 years old. Part of me goes, shut the fuck up. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about so anyone 26 would have to deal with

yes i think women have some that shit too yeah they have that i don't want to hear this from you and then they have that deep into their 30s and 40s because men don't want to hear from chicks about politics oh let me guess you fucking wish hillary won jesus that's a shocker you know there's like this gender uh like biases that a lot of men have about a woman getting on stage, talking, controlling all the attention. They don't like it. You know, a lot of men have the, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I'm just being honest about instincts. There's an instinct to not like it. Yeah.

There's another reason, too. It's that, it's Taylor's theory, which I like. It's that women on stage early on oh this is why it's harder for men just the first six months or so women harder for men just the first six months women are used to people looking at them and for men it's this weird new thing where it's like why are you looking at me it's strange showing the first like right away and open mics like early on women are way more comfortable on stage than men for the most part and then that it evens out but

those first few months it's this thing of like um this is not a comfortable thing women it's a negative they've had to deal with that their whole lives but like people are staring at them all the time hmm i think we struggle with this idea of like like saying that i think it's harder for women i think it's harder for men because it's a generalization yeah it's like overall it's like some it's harder for there's some men it's way easier for whatever let's see that's that's when they black and white it that's when you fucking ruin all the arguments uh-huh you know it's just like 10 harder 15 harder i think one of the reasons it is harder career-wise for i mean almost all women is because uh success too early can hurt you in the long run.

If you start thinking I'm good instead of thinking you're terrible, you don't work as hard. That's just human nature thing. Why more for women than for men? Because we're in such a category of needing women performers that we go earlier and earlier in development in order to plug them up.

Because if I need to put a woman on TV and there's, you know, this developed women, Silverman's like, I ain't doing that. I don't want to. Segura is, yeah, sure. Okay. So you have to get some women. You have to show somebody at home your own, the version of yourself.

And if there's women viewers, you got to put a woman on. You know, if you have a lot of comics. But if I'm getting this as a single individual performer, if I'm getting something five years in and i start going yeah i'm pretty fucking good i don't have to work this hard you know when i start getting more and more things i work less and less hard it's another reason why the fucking celebrity comics aren't as good as non-celebrity comics um but if you start getting stuff you start like i don't need to work that hard to get it if you have to study for an hour to get an A, then why would you study for seven hours?

An hour gets you there. So if you start getting successes, career-wise, monetarily, you stop working as hard on the artistic part of it. You can. You can stop. I think you're 100% right. That's the drop-off.

It sort of does them a disservice as an individual to get stuff, but at the same time, you want to... So, I mean, as a former booker, as a booker, all you got to do is look harder to get qualified women. Go to Indianapolis, find Miss Pat. You know what I mean? They're out there.

Yeah. But to prop somebody up who doesn't quite deserve it only hurts them in the long run. Yeah. prop somebody up who doesn't quite deserve it only hurts them in the long run yeah there's the the problem also is that you want to find a certain number like comedy should be almost totally egalitarian yeah it should be just performance based yeah i mean i think if a club has a developmental project like wendy does the comedy works in denver then it might not be a bad idea to have all-girl classes. I bet that would give you a bump

for anybody who feels uncomfortable and wants to learn how to do stand-up with all girls. That's one of the reasons it's harder for chicks early on is because there's creeps at open mics. Oh, yeah. And they're not weeded out like there are at clubs. At clubs, someone's like, get out of here. We don't want you here.

At open mics, it's any fucking freak that's there. And, man, that is not a fun experience to deal with. I think that drives them off the most right away, early on. Fuck yeah. Yeah. It's shitty. Nobody's good. And then also I got this fucking smelly guy fucking leering over me.

Yeah. Fuck this. 100%. Yeah. 100%. I mean, it's nightclub creepiness plus crazy people. Yeah. So you have regular nightclub creepiness.

And then you have open mics. There's always a certain percentage of people that are insane it's literally insane yeah yeah yeah and they get to go up in front of you like why what i'm trying i'm really trying same mic they use the same mic as you oh i forgot about that yeah who knows what kind of shit you're getting off that mic on an open mic night and the store especially back in the day they didn't fix nothing with that mic they never cleaned that thing that thing was growing all kinds of shit on at least it didn't have a foam top like this does to hold i had to change this foam one because it smelled like my breath i was like getting up in there i was like smell a person on this thing we had a mic that smelled so bad at cobs this weekend that I mentioned it to Simone,

and it was like both like, it was taking us out of it. Like 30 minutes in, usually you get used to it. I'm like, oh, there it is again. He said he was holding the mic different. Regular metal one, holding it different so he could get it away from his nose. Who was there before you? I don't know. I think it was all of us just like breathing on it wrong.

Just spitting on it. Yeah, these foam things are disgusting. Some people have those circles. I had those circles for a while, those spit shields, but it seemed so pretentious. Oh, those seem weird. They seem pretentious. The big...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, those seem weird. Pop filter. Pop filters, yeah. Fuck that. They seem super pretentious. They seem like, what are you doing, stupid, with that fucking hula hoop in front of your face?

So I had a couple ideas on acid at this music festival. One, I want to run by you. And then one, it was a fun time, by the way. What music festival? Firefly in Delaware. Nice. It was a bus from New York. And then you just go there, camp, and have a fucking good time.

And I'm fucking just laying down on my back, trying to keep my eyes open so I can. My friends went off to the bathroom. Like, you'll be here. I'm like, I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere right now. And so I keep my eyes open so people don't look at you like, what's wrong with you? Just see a few stars. And you'd be out of it.

Eyes open, but just out of it. And then every once in a while, I fucking love music festivals, man. You come out of it, and there's some fucking guy dressed like a wood nymph walks by you you're like what the fuck it's great anyway I stand I just heard somebody go I never want to get

that fucked up walked by me I was like fuck so I had this idea you know I do those album breakdowns my podcast first album breakdowns

yeah I want to do one with you on Sam Kinison's album just let's listen to it like talk about it and analyze this stuff yeah let's do it let's do louder than hell do you know louder than hell you can't get on cd you cannot because it was so homophobic that the people at warner brothers they put it out on uh cassette but then they never released it on cd when cds

came on i'm like fuck that fat slob Wow really yeah, dude They forget let me tell you how much you had to go overcome I was around during the PC days of the 80s We're in a PC war right now seems like it's just the battlefields just gone crazy like there's more bombs going off PC wise and ever People are so invested in the idea of controlling behavior and telling people what to do. But back then it was happening too for a while. Yeah. With the, with the member, the rap music, Tipper Gore, Al Gore's wife, Al Gore's wife

is trying to make it illegal. I'm all for free speech, but there's some things that go too far. Yeah. She was trying to ban rap music. Yeah. And so things got, things got real weird. It's the same language over and over again. MTV banned Dice Clay for life because he told some joke about girls on their periods or something.

I would love to hear what that joke was and see if we can actually like, if it was even that bad. Listen, that's a goddamn badge of courage for a guy like Dice. You just gave him a gold medal. That's all it really does. For him? He doesn't give a fuck. That guy legitimately doesn't give a fuck. He's like, I was never going to go on MTV anyway. He doesn't give a fuck that guy legitimately doesn't give a fuck. He's like I was never gonna go on MTV

Anyway, he walks around he makes videos walking around the supermarket talking about his haircut. I got this new haircut What do you think no make another video this fucking haircut that guy doesn't give a fuck I'd like literally is just doing whatever dice wants to do wandering through the world hanging out with his kids So like for him, getting banned from MTV is probably the greatest thing ever. This is it. Look at his jacket! Wow, the bravado there. Look at him!

Come on, man. Oh my god. He was nuts, bro. He was the best! What the fuck? He looks just like a zebra. Good evening, gents. I'd like to welcome you to this event. My name is Dice. I'm here to say I was born in Brooklyn. Sheep

said bait. Come a long way to make you smile. I'm gonna do it different. Gonna do it Dice style. What is this? Is this playing on YouTube or is it not? Dude, rewind that. Look how fucking nervous he is. Rewind that. Rewind ten seconds. Look when he pulls his hand around.

Look at him shaking. There we go. You see him shaking? Yeah, that's right. It's all bravado, and then he's like, shit, I'm doing this. Eating her curds and whey. One came a spidey, set them beside.

He said, hey, what's in the bowl, bitch? Oh! That was the weirdest kind of comedy that he could do it. They knew what you were going to say, and they wanted to hear it. It's a rock star comedy. Complete original. Complete original. Complete original. If you just like, people look at him like, oh, brutish and disgusting and just dirty

jokes and misogynist. All those things are true. But you got to realize that he revolutionized, like he did something. He just did, okay. But he broke through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He made it rock star style. Also, if you just look at it completely objectively

forget about the artistic merits of what he did he did something very different he figured out a way to do comedy that people legitimately laughed at even though they knew it was coming yeah that hadn't been done before that hadn't been done like that never no i am you're right never no one yells out the punch lines in front of the whole crowd. What's in the bow, bitch? Yeah. He needed the money. Oh! Everybody wanted to hear the things that he had already said, which never existed before.

He could fucking tour with that original act right now, and people would be super satisfied. Let's say along with him. Shit, fuck yeah. Dice could do 10,000 seat arenas with that original act. What's in the bow, bitch? There's not much that goes that way. Nothing. Comedy-wise, nothing.

It's the opposite of regular comedy. It's the here and there, but not much. Kreischer's machine thing. Yeah, but he forces that on people. I saw Gaffigan at Moon Tower once. And he did 45 minutes. Fine, it was great. And then he does the old stuff. Yeah, then he was like, yeah. And he did 45 minutes. It was fine. It was great.

And then he does the old stuff. Yeah, then he was like, yeah, he introduced it like that. He goes, yeah, I'll probably just go back to my hotel room and come up with a Hot Pocket. Yeah.

When I say Burt forces it on people, let me explain what I'm saying. Like, that's his signature thing. I don't mean it like in a negative way. But I mean, like, he's scared to not do that. He wants to do that. He wants them to know him as the machine. He wants to do that bit everywhere. Yeah. And he feels like they get upset's scared to not do that. He wants to do that He wants them to know him as the Machine he wants to do that bit everywhere

Yeah, and he feels like they get upset if he doesn't do it so in his head Yeah, like he's he's forcing it on them They're forcing it on him and it's like he's developed this everybody knows that if you're a fan of Bert Kreischer You know the bit it's a fucking amazing bit. He says you want to see this Yeah, but he's like do you want to see them and he's so worried about them getting upset that they don't hear it. But he's not at all concerned with how they feel about him pledging $10,000 to Children's Hospital and not doing it at all. Just refusing to pay.

I don't want to get in. I don't want to get in. I don't want to get in. Let's move on. Let's move on. I can't believe you brought that up. He's one of the best trolls of all time. Him on Children's Hospital.

I agree. Let's talk about you, Joe.e it's like don't you think that that's a different thing when you when you have a bit like a signature bit that you do every time you go on stage and people expect to hear it that's a different thing different thing yes than regular standard comedy is like when you're when i'm watching your set like say if you have a new bit and i haven't seen it before i get excited because i don't know where you're going yeah and you're taking me down a road and then you take a left turn. Some comics can do that though.

Bobby Lee, it's like, it's just goofy. You just want to see him do it. Yeah. There's certain comics that are just like, I don't know. I just like seeing this over and over. Well, that was always the case in Boston. Boston, like all the headliners would do the same act forever. I know.

That's why I fuck all them. Well, that's why it fell apart. Yeah. Right. Right. It only lasted for a little while like that. That's why. Yeah.

Because eventually it's like, yeah, you haven't written. It catches up. They had the opposite of an internet age approach. Their age approach was you put together a 45-minute set and that's it. And some of them literally only had 45 minutes. They'd been doing comedy for decades. Yeah. Because even with Dice, let's say you compare that to music where everyone's singing along with it.

Musicians have new albums. And then you expand that to music where everyone's singing along with it. Musicians have new albums and then you expand that catalog of stuff you can sing along with. Hopefully. Up to a point. Up to a point. Like Rolling Stones.

Rolling Stones put some stuff out today and everybody's like, whatever. Yeah, fuck that. Brown sugar. Come on, you fuck. Let me see you dance.

I heard you could still dance. Dude, I went to see Rancid at Coney Island and he said something. He goes, hey, we're going to do something off the new album. And somebody goes, boo. It's a crowd of 2,000 or something like that. And he heard it. He goes, you can boo if you want.

I'm still doing it. And then he just fucking went into it. That's hilarious. Boo. Do something off the new one. Boo. It's like, fuck off. People are so gross.

People are so gross. They don't even like internalize that feeling. They want you to react to it. Boo. Boo. There's such a different thing between feeling something and then forcing everyone around you to hear it and then forcing the artist to react to it. There's such the levels of douchebaggish the artist to react to it. The levels of

douchebaggishness that it takes to boom! That's critical levels. Boom! What a fucking asshole. I thought he heard it and had to say something because it's such a... Yeah, he responded. So that guy wins in that world of internet

trolls. That guy wins. Dude, if you could say something for the crowd in the perfect moment of silence, you where it just naturally comes up yeah it's that's audience member fucking super bowl yeah yeah you you cracked one over the fence patrick ewing was like i think playing with supersonics this was like way after his prime he's just traveling now to get a couple extra bucks and try to like maybe win a title um and he went down the lane, put up like a finger roll, like halfway down the lane, and it just kind of went up and air balled and went out of bounds. It was a whistle, only because it went out of bounds,

but everyone thought, was it a foul or anything? And the refs just go, it was out of bounds. And it was just a silence. My friend said, you heard this? And somebody just go, retire! Oh, my God. Sports fans are the worst. They're the worst. They're the worst. They're the worst.

They're the worst. They're the worst when it comes to that shit. It's like they feel like since they have a regular job and they paid a lot of money to come see you do that, you better fucking do it good. This pussy doesn't want to get off the bench. You name him after your town. That means the town owns you. It's not the fucking L.A. Rogans.

Right. You know? It's true. It's the fucking L.A. Lakers. Yeah. And's not the fucking LA Rogans. Right. You know? It's true. It's the fucking LA Lakers. Yeah. And they're putting out a shitty product. Yeah.

God damn it. Fuck off, Laker fans. How's your season been these last couple years? Has it been bad here? It's been terrible. Oh. It's been terrible.

Look at you. You're very excited. Oh, I love it. Almost like nothing else I've seen. Oh, dude, I love it. Why do you get so excited? Of all my sports fans, like fandom, I am at most a Laker hater. Oh, dude, I love it. Why do you get so excited? Of all my sports fans, like fandom,

I am at most a Laker hater. Fuck them and all their fucking fans. You guys have one of the worst franchises in basketball. People look at you when you try to recruit them and they go, what the fuck are you talking about?

And they leave. Enjoy showtime, bitches. It's been years since you've been in the playoffs. No draft pick this year. Wow, this is tough. Oh, yeah, it's great. I can't understand this.

Yeah, the next big thing is when that rapist gets in the Hall of Fame and all the fucking bloggers here pretend to forget about it again. Fuck all you hypocrites. Fuck you bitches. All of you. Lakers suck and you got to deal with it. This is outrageous. Oh, it's great. That will be a viral video.

How's your team better than yours? Wow, what team are you? It doesn't even matter. The point is the Lakers suck. Oh, okay. I'm a Pels fan. What is that? We made the second round for the first time in history. What do you like?

What is it? Pelicans. New Orleans. Pelicans. How did you get to be a fan of the Pelicans? Because they started in North Carolina when I was there. Then they moved. And then they changed their goddamn name.

It's all a mess. But that's my team since day one. Who the fuck would want a team called the Pelicans? Not me. The wife of the guy who owns it. He owns a good franchise as a fucking billionaire smart guy who makes a fucking living for himself and he's like, oh, dumb

fucking trophy wife. You want to name the team that all these men have to fucking support? Wow. Is that really what happened? Yeah, that's what happened. Dude, you're very upset. It's fucking ridiculous. Very upset. What would you have called it if you were his trophy wife? Anything else! The Bath Mats's a better

fucking name than the pelicans i had to research all the time but like vicious pelican behavior so i could get behind a little bit they are vicious though they'll eat ducks whole they'll eat ducks whole they'll go down there and be next to a duck and go fuck off oh well i'm sure we could watch that oh it's great i'm sure we're gonna watch pelican eats a duck but no one thinks of that when you think of a pelican. No. You think of like a cute thing that brings babies. Yeah, yeah.

Let's stork. Let's stork. Oh. Oh, yeah. He's eating the duck. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back that up. Back it. You're just kidding.

It didn't show the gulp. It just shows it in there. Wow. Look at that. Look at that seagull trying to get away. Look at that thing battling it out. He's like, you ain't going going anywhere my beak is made of rubber He's just holding on letting that thing pound on him

That's crazy Oh shit That's a bunch of ducks What an evil little fucking animal Oh that's a seagull eating pigeons A seagull eats pigeons? Oh Oh Jesus

Oh I got one. Wow, that's dinosaur shit. Oh, my God, that is crazy. Oh, he's pecking at it. And all these people we just have to watch. Oh, these little kids on fucking bicycle boats. This is nuts. I did not know seagulls did that.

Seagulls murk pigeons and eat them. This is fucking nuts, dude. Oh, my God, look, his feathers are falling off, and this pigeon's like, wait, what? We're birds, bro. We're both birds. I walked by a pigeon. Oh, he almost got away. Look at this.

I found a decapitated pigeon the other day. Is he going to try to drown him? He's trying to get away. Look at him. Oh, it's like, fuck you, bitch. Yeah, on the street. You found a decapitated one? Yeah.

Decapitated. You know, it's usually owls that do that, apparently. What, attack other? They bite their fucking heads off. It's outside of Ralph's on Sunset. Oh, hawks, I'm sorry. Could have been anything. Yeah, hawks do it, though.

There was, oh, what happened there? Did the bird get away? Yeah, it's completely switched to a different. Oh. He got away? I don't think he got away. I think that was when he went after him. This bird's next.

But it seems like he got away. Did it look like he flew away? Yeah, believe that. That bird was fine. Watch, hold on. No, he's fucked up. He's look like he flew away? Yeah, believe that. That bird was fine. Watch. Hold on. No, he's fucked up. He's going to get fucked up.

Look. See? He's swimming away. That thing's right after him. He ain't going anywhere. I think you're right. That seagull's walking like Jesus on top of the water. Fucking over it.

I know, with those giant feet. No chance that duck, that pigeon. Yeah, they can kind of like almost walk and use their wings and they can run on the water. Yeah. Yeah, that pigeon's fucked. I would love to have flight. What would you give up? Would you give up hearing or eyesight?

Hearing. You can't do flight without sight. You're fucked. Well, you could be a bat. Look at this one. Oof. Swallowed a whole duck. That is fucking insane, dude. Oh, the other duck's trying to drive him off? The other duck's mad. Like, come on, give me back my friend. Come on. Ah, they're trying to drive him off the other ducks mad like come on

Give me back come on. Ah damn it. He's down. He's in there. Give me back my friend look He's just one more time. Let me see that again Look at that just grabs them Look at the size of that fucking beak on that thing what a a creepy animal. Look at it kicking inside of his body. I'm full now. Thank you. Thank you. I'm full.

Pelican eats pigeons in St. James Park in London. I've been there. That's dark. I bet he does that every day. But he looks like a monster. He looks like a monster. Those don't look like normal animals. That looks like an Australia type animal.

Yeah. Have you ever seen a shoebill? No. They're the creepiest bird ever. They're a bird that lives in the Congo in Africa. It's a fucking prehistoric dinosaur bird. And there's a video from the Congo. Look at that thing.

There's some creepy head-on pictures of it. Where you go, what? Like that picture. Oh my gosh. Look at that thing. That one. That thing has a hatchet for a face man that by the way is pretty much the pelicans logo dude well they should have made it the shoe

bills yeah they should have made the fucking bird man there's videos of these things oh what the what's it doing oh it's a gift it's a gift oh my god it's like it keeps shifting its head back and forth but you look at its mouth its mouth is like a giant pair of scissors or something. It's a creepy fucking animal. Where do they live? The Congo? The Congo. They're five feet tall, too.

It's a giant-ass bird. So that's a Bobby Lee-sized bird. Wow. That's a smaller one there. There's a crazy video of one in the Congo. Bobby Lee-sized bird. Eating a snakehead. They don't weigh that much. Birds are pretty light.

Even like a bigger bird, like a turkey. Yeah, catch that fucking fish in the air, motherfucker. Is he going to throw it? I was letting him know that it's in the bucket. He's going to go for it. Watch how they walk, man. They just look creepy. They look like a nightmare. Little nothing legs.

There was a thing that was in North America millions of years ago. at least one million, I think. They were called terror birds. Oh. Look how creepy that thing is. Terror birds? Yeah. They were enormous, seven feet tall, enormous birds.

And some of them were even bigger than that, that were predatory, flightless birds that lived in North America. Huge. Really? Yeah, like a Bigfoot-sized bird that would probably eat people. With giant, huge beaks. Like beaks that'll literally consume half your abdomen. They were these freaky fucking animals, man. And there was a bigger one even before that.

Like one that dwarfed that, too. Yeah. That was millions of years ago. See if you can find that fucking thing that's my favorite thing when they do time travel and they go back into prehistoric times and it's all of a sudden like fuck everything here will kill me yeah there's nowhere to go i saw jurassic world yesterday how was it it's fun there's there's definitely some cut the shit moments where it doesn't make sense it doesn't want but that's you have to have those to make

one of those movies i'm starting to appreciate movies on just dumb fun this is what they looked like oh my gosh look at that fucking thing so that was running around i think it was a north american animal too that looked like it was running after a car look so it's chasing after elk and shit but there's look go to that upper right hand drawing the upper right hand one it shows you how big they were they were fucking enormous oh wow way bigger than human yeah and then there was ones that were even bigger than that those are the two biggest ones i like this one because they put the human like the outline of the human but he's holding a machine gun yeah and he's still fucking them off did you imagine that thing running even if you had a machine gun you'd be like

you'd be firing and running yeah look how many of them there were. Different kinds of enormous birds. They had giant ostriches and shit. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, that fucking thing, the really big one that's in the foreground with that reddish beak, what a fucking creepy thing that would be if you're walking through a field and you saw this nine foot plus tall, freaky ass bird staring at you. It doesn't even fly. It's just an armless eating machine i mean you can

call it a bird but they can't fly they don't have any wings really they're weird they have giant talons what they are is a fucking dinosaur right there's some weird ass dinosaur that made it to 2018 you know that's like a big theory it's a big thing that's being debated amongst... Birds or dinosaurs? Yeah. They really think that it's quite possible that a lot of those dinosaurs had feathers. Yeah. And became birds? They are birds. Yeah. Like all over their body. Like when we look at a T-Rex, they might've been covered in feathers.

Oh, that would've been cool. Yeah. We don't know. They know some of them definitely were though. They're finding some of them covered in feathers. Yeah? Yeah. These mics are great. They're not bad. It still in feathers. Yeah? Yeah. These mics are great. They're not bad. It still picks you up, like, way back.

It's pretty good. But not, it doesn't pick up too much bullshit in the background. We've tried other ones that, like, pick up shit in the background too much. Like, if you move some things over here, it'd be too loud. Yeah, it's, some of them are, Jamie, you can explain. What are the ones that are, like, that literally pick up every sound in the room? Well, it's like the pickup pattern and whatnot. The preamp on this isn't up very loud.

It's up loud, but it's not. So yeah, this mic needs a preamp because it has a very low nominal level. I don't know what that means at all. I am in podcasting, and I have no idea what you're talking about. Jamie's dropping some audio knowledge, son. I just want a mic to be able to do the thing where you talk like you're in a car driving by a line where you're like, hey, everybody,

maybe later we'll go to the store and then we'll get... How did that sound? Did that sound... That's supposed to sound like it drops off. Just do that with a pan. I could do that right now, actually.

Oh, really? Yeah, but you'd have to do that with software. You wouldn't be doing that with just the microphone. With the mixing, where you're not with just the microphone, correct.

That's the worst when you think you're fucking getting in the line and you yell something at them, but then when you're in the line you realize all you hear is yeah yeah you can't hear shit yeah what do you say if you yell you have to actually get your body out the window and yell uh-huh otherwise the sound's just coming out in a weird way weird boxy pattern you remember dirty work dirty work the movie um yeah with norm and art already

yeah he does that to a line. He moans him. He moans the line, Artie, and then he just pulls over. And Artie's like, I was supposed to keep driving. Sorry, everybody. Did you see the pictures of Artie? I've been seeing Artie. I've been seeing him around.

His nose is all fucked up. It's caved in. Well, i guess he snorted something and he got an infection that makes sense his nose was huge it was weird yeah it's pretty big he's it's like wow yeah look at it right there oh yeah that one yeah what is going with arty lang's nose yeah something happening. He's such a good guy. He's a great guy. He's a really good pool player.

Is he really? I can believe that. Yeah, he's real good. He's more than anybody, like, refused to accept that he's famous. So he just, like, walks around normal and then people start recognizing him. Oh, yeah. And he kind of, like, goes away. But, like, he just goes into normal environments all the time. He's a good dude.

Really is. Really good guy. Yeah, he is. Not making making 2020 you don't think so no way he has no no desire to quit he's just he's riding it out did he quit for a while they i think every once in a while i don't really know i think every once in a while like he gets clean from re but it's like he doesn't really want to pull it back a little sometimes. Right. He's never going to be one of those guys like, yeah, I haven't touched this stuff in five years. Yeah.

I don't think he's interested in that. He's enjoying himself. That's what Mitch Hedberg said before he died, apparently. What? They were trying to get him to clean up. He's like, I'm not doing shit. I like it. Yeah.

It's like when you tell people to quit smoking. They're like, why? I'm not desiring quitting right now you guys are yeah that's a hard pill for people to swallow that don't do it yeah you know like come on just quit you should just quit do when you see those gacked out people on the sidewalk in new york you know just fucking standing up you know dozed out or something like that or just like you know nodding off in their own whatever like daytime you're like wow they are fucked up but now that i've done enough drugs you you realize like they're loving it right now they are having the best time they're peaking it looks shitty but

they're peaking when they come to a shit in their pants and nowhere to go that ain't the best but right now it's their fucking super bowlaking. Yeah, their experience is amazing. Yeah. They're hearing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Oh, God, I would love that. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. And then just sitting there. Oh, see yourself in a boat on a river. Just tripping. Oh, forgot to tell you this. What when i was i was having some pretty good thoughts

on this asset watching some different bands the killers by the way fucking killed it um so i'm trying you see stuff in like when you're out there on psychedelics a truth i call universal truths where you just like yes that is real that is right 100 and it's hard to bring that shit back into this realm you know to understand it it's trying to get us kicked off youtube it's passing car so it's hard when you come back to be like oh i saw the truth of something and then it's like and you can't express it and when people come back when they're around you they say something you're like what and they're like they realize they get frustrated they're around you, they say something and you're like, what? And they realize, they get frustrated, they're not saying it right, and then it's slowly going away.

Yeah. So when I was there, in that place, sometimes I try to remember, when you get back, say this to this person. So that state told me to tell you that Eminem is one of the realest MCs. I'm not going to argue with it. I don't know what exactly it means. But it was like... That could be a funny bit, dude.

There's a funny bit in there about how some things are just, in the moment, they seem so profound. And then when you sober up, you're like, what the fuck is wrong with me eminem is one of the realest mcs well i would agree with that it looks like he's very very real it seems fairly real yeah yeah as i heard it i was like that's gonna sound dumb in the real world but i was like all right what did you think of that bet music awards thing he did where you like freestyle nobody liked it right wellestyled in a garage. Nobody liked it, right?

Well, no. Some people liked it. Some people liked it. I don't know. The anti-Trump thing. Everybody gets old. It was interesting. All these artists get old.

Yeah. But he was angry and he had all of his friends around him. Yeah. That was the weird thing. Like why are all those dudes just standing around? Kissing up? No. They're all just hanging around these cars, like in a circle.

They're all waiting while Eminem raps. So he's got, like, all these. It's the rap cypher. They all take turns. Oh, really? They all did it? It was Eminem's turn, yeah. But where's the other ones?

The videos of the other guys, too? I'm sure the other guys are like, mine was far better. So one guy steps forward. I need to understand rap culture better. I definitely almost said rape culture. You don't. They go hand in hand. It's a specific BET award show thing.

Oh, that's how they do it? They do it at the BET award show. It's like a thing that started years ago. Well, they find a parking lot and go do it there? Not necessarily a parking lot, but different areas. Different groups have different labels maybe. Yeah. Would have taken their people.

Put up their own guys. It's called keeping it street. Oh, really? That's interesting. Yes. You obviously are not street. Oh, really? That's interesting. Yes. You obviously are not street. God, you don't know anything. That's why they had to tell you that Eminem was one of the realest MCs.

I already knew. He keeps it street. But that thing was, it was interesting. It's like when people, you know, when you create this big explosion, this attack on someone from something like that, it's always fascinating to me to watch that go down. Like, what's someone doing here? Like, what's happening here? What's your take on it?

It wasn't his best work. Right, right. You know, I mean, I think he's an amazing rapper. Like, some of his shit from the past is fucking incredible. But his freestyle? Well, first of all, I'm not feeling that gold chain. Jamie's like, but that, you have to. I was going to say, no one really freestyles anymore.

It's not, nothing's really freestyle. It's just not enough. I don't even think those freestyle things are freestyle. I feel like you made up a lot of those. Oh, yeah. You're just plugging in. It's all practiced, man. I like the Cadillac in the back.

I'll tell you that. I got a boner for that Cadillac on the right. Yeah, that looks like, what is that? Like a 70 like the cadillac in the back i'll tell you that i got a boner for that on the right yeah that looks like what is that like a 70 something cadillac that thing's fucking beautiful oh i love those things i don't give a fuck about this rap but that cadillac is the shit i got a boner for old cars dude i'm one of those old dudes that likes old music and old cars do you see um that that rap where it's like, I forget who it was, but it was like saying from the white point of view about what's wrong with black people, and then from the black point of view, what's wrong with white people. And the video is somebody lip syncing pretty well.

So I'm like, redneck dude. It's like black people always complain about this and this, and then it goes back. I forget who it is. Young something. this and this, and then it goes back. Hmm. I forget who it is.

Young something. But the problem with black people and white people is that people say black people and white people. Yeah, instead of just people. Yeah, instead of just people. I was watching this video. It's an annoying video of this lady calling the cops and this little eight-year-old black girl

who's selling water. Have you seen it? Viral video. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Viral video. She's not supposed to sell water. She's calling the fucking police. She's saying selling water without a permit, and her videotapes her yeah and puts it up and

makes it viral and that's one of those videos where it's everything's in the right place the white lady is overweight she's just angry looking like you want overweight white lady the little black girl is as cute as a button the mom is uh the mom is talking to her in a way that's like not too aggressive she goes she out here calling the police on a little girl trying to sell water we see you boo like she's not being horrible yeah and everything just fell into place this like perfect example of like what's happening here like is this racism or is this someone who's just just complains about everything would she be doing that for an eight-year-old yeah you don't know

that's why i hear the argument a lot of like you wouldn't do this if it was a man you wouldn't do this was a woman you wouldn't do this was black but it's like you're not basing on any set of it's just like one example versus one example well you're not proof you know there's no proof i worked at the beverly hills chamber of commerce and whenever somebody wanted new seating like like sidewalk seating they just get through but all it would take is one housewife from the area to get a stick up their ass about the rules and say no no and like it'll be done by 8 p.m there won't be any hurt on the on the people around us we'll clean up and if she goes no then it's like 24 more hoops to jump you know and it's just because these housewives have nothing to do better than to enforce rules

so could be that could be fuck these black kids i don't i don't i don't have any idea she was on the um it's on an interview talking about it which is a terrible idea by the way who the white lady yeah and she put all this makeup on and everything which is also a terrible idea like mimi from drew carey show it was just not good oh my god you went with a drew carey reference i forgot about her um but the whole thing was she was saying that she was working and that she had the window open the little girl was shouting and screaming she was trying to make it look bad as possible yeah she a victim. And she said she apologized to both the little girl and the mom, but they won't accept her apology, which is like, okay. Well, you know, there's nothing wrong with accepting someone's apology.

Clearly she shouldn't have done that. Like you shouldn't tell a little eight-year-old not to sell water on a hot day. Who gives a fuck? Like that doesn't make any sense. I could see also just going, hey, come on, guys, don't scream by my window. Yeah, don't scream. Did you take that step first? Yeah, like maybe. She was saying that it was a hot day, and so she had my window. Yeah, don't scream. Did you take that step first? Yeah, like maybe.

She was saying that it was a hot day, and so she had her window rolled down, and the kid was screaming. But apparently she didn't talk to them. She didn't talk to the kid, and she didn't talk to the mom. She just called the police and went outside. See, that's the problem.

Some people are so antisocial, they'll just go straight to someone to deal with it instead of just like, hey. It's like when you get a note in your apartment door saying something. Or the front door. You're like, just come to my apartment and knock. Just ask.

Once. Just try it humanly once, and just, or the front door. You're like, just come to my apartment and knock. Just ask. Once. Just try it humanely once and then go to the other step. So they compared her with this white chick who called on, she called the police on the barbecue

and they're the same person. Not really, but yes. I was like, that would be crazy. this bitch is just ruthless. She's doubling down. She's just going for it.

But they look so similar, man. Like in the way the shape of their body it's that housewife man yep it's that middle-aged white housewife it's a shitty the worst position to be in in the world there's definitely nothing to do there look come on come on look at the two of them together they're both on the phone with these like sexually ambiguous forms like you know that that's a woman but you know both of them they're they're overweight it's just weird it's weird they're like clearly you i'm gonna go out on a limb i don't think most i will say most people that are shaped like that

don't feel good don't feel good they don't feel good right they're upset at stuff you ever ever have somebody screaming about something like you're not supposed to sell waters here but just meet them with like what happened to you yeah are you so angry but you're not supposed to i was like sure okay so why are you so mad selling water without a permit i got a discussion with somebody on twitter way back about that guy michael brown i can't breathe what's that michael brown er Garner. It was Eric Garner. Yeah. And somebody's like, yeah, what you don't understand is I have a business and like I sell, let's say I sell cigarettes and somebody's undercutting me with no permits right outside that really hurts my business. And I was like, okay, sure.

I'll give you that. Do you think the punishment for that should be choking someone maybe until they can't breathe? And he's like, oh no, no, that's too much of a punishment. Yeah. Okay. Well, here's the problem with that. oh no no that's too much of a punishment yeah okay well here's the problem with that the um official version of that is that he didn't have any cigarettes on him he did not no he had nothing

he had nothing what yeah no he had nothing when they they had arrested him before for that but he was clean so all that cigarettes he was telling him leave him the fuck alone he's like y'all always out here fucking with me just leave me the fuck alone and then they started they wanted to frisk him and there was for no reason oh my god not even the cigarette even the cigarettes is still too much it's like just give me the ticket bitch yes they shouldn't touch him i mean and he wasn't a violent guy he wasn't like like threatening them in some sort of way and and then they tried to say that it wasn't a chokehold like bitch let me put you in that dude i passed by these two cops and i wanted to, one was set right after that in New York.

I was like, that's not a chokehold. And I wanted to stop and go, actually, I'm friends with an expert on the subject and he does say that. It's a fucking chokehold. I'll choke you to death like that. I will choke you to death with that. How is that not a chokehold? Listen, he's got his hands gripped. That is like the same, it's a backwards version of what you would call like a Marcelo Garcia guillotine,

which means like there's certain guys that are really good at getting the blade of the forearm across your esophagus. It's very painful. And like some of like Amal Easton taught me how to do this and shout out to Boulder, Colorado. Amal Easton is a jujitsu coach and he's got a fantastic guillotine. And one of the things about his guillotine is he knows how to get that blade of that bone right into your esophagus It's horrific. It feels terrible and they do it like with a high elbow so you can't escape it It's and it it's an immediate feeling that guy has his forearm right across that guy's throat

Yeah, there's no doubt about it if I'm holding that like that and I'm clamped. He has his hands clasped together Can you make it a little bigger? So you can see in his right hand resist like yeah see but you can still choke someone out even if his hand I can't tell if his hands are connected I think they are it looks like he's got a hand inside his hand Eric Garner's hands are like 100 100 and his arm is behind his back too but the point is the guy who's choking him the way he's doing that you could choke a guy like that with one arm you don't even have to have that right arm in play. If he's got that left arm underneath the neck like that, all he has to do is

hook the back of the head or the shoulder, rather, the traps. What's his name? From San Jose. He got somebody in a one-armed guillotine. Yeah, Jake could do anybody like that. Tito Ortiz did that in the UFC before. He choked somebody out with a one-armed guillotine.

Luke Rockhold did it to Michael Bisping. He got him in a mounted one-armed guillotine. I mean, here's the problem. Why don't the other cops ever go, hey, Tony, that's enough? Yeah, listen, man, that's a goddamn chokehold. I know chokeholds. I commentate them for a fucking living. That's a chokehold.

And if you don't think it's a chokehold, let me put you in it. Let me put you in it and see how long you last. That's a chokehold. And if you don't think it's a chokehold, let me put you in it. Let me put you in it. Let's see how long you last. That's a fucking chokehold. Have you been... I don't know what I'm allowed to bring up here. What? That guy who's been calling you out, have you talked about it? Alex Jones?

No, that fighter. Which one? Colby. Colby? Yeah. Listen, Colby's funny, man. Listen, I know Colby, and I also know very well one of Colby's really good Yeah Listen Colby's funny man Colby listen I know Colby And I also know

Very well One of Colby's Really good friends Is my friend Cam Haynes Oh really They live in the same town Why is he so

He's funny I'm fucking with you Cause it's good It is good It's good You really gotta choose To be heel or hero And I would always go heel

He's all heel Ah it's so much more fun Go heel You know what's really hilarious Chael Sundin's mad That I talked about what he does. What Chael does? No, that I talked about what Colby does. I go, he's having fun.

I go, he's playing up the role of the villain, and he's selling pay-per-views. And why is he mad at you? Because you're taking away the fourth wall? Because I'm giving up the secrets of the business. It's so ridiculous. Meanwhile, he's giving up the secrets of the business by talking about me giving up the secrets of the business. It's the dumbest shit of all time.

I can't tell if it's a work. I can't tell if what he's doing. If Chael's doing. Yeah, if he's doing, if he's fake upset. There was a point where Chael was the best trash talker in sports. Ever. Yeah. No, he was phenomenal.

He still is. But the idea that you bring up the fact that he's a trash talker. When I walk into the octagon, it's thunder. When Anderson Silva walks in, it sounds like a mouse pissing on cotton. It's like, what the fuck? I've never lost a fight in my life. I've never lost a round of, I've never lost one second of one fight in my life. And then he's like, what about here?

Where are you going to fucking stop? Didn't matter. He just kept going. I loved it. It was beautiful. He's a smart guy but he's also getting us to talk about it and getting us to talk about his show which i'll give him a plug right now because i'm sure it's great he's with ariel hawani and chael sun and have a new show called ariel and the bad guy and that's you got to get that espn yeah he's the bad guy he's great at it he's great at it listen he got he

ranted and raved about us for like 10 minutes and then Brendan responded and he came back with another 20 minutes. You don't ever talk about the business. First of all, I have to. Because my job is to call what I see. My job is not, even when I'm promoting things, if I'm promoting things

I'm calling what I see. If I say Francis Ngannou is the most terrifying heavyweight contender ever. I say that because that's what I see. If I say Francis Ngannou is the most terrifying heavyweight contender ever, I say that because that's what I see. I see him put Alistair Overeem into fucking orbit. I can see a side of it. You just talk about the fighting part. That's what you're an expert at.

I talk about whatever I want to talk about. Listen, here's the deal, Chael. Here's what you should understand. You stick to fighting and promoting and let intelligence leave that here to intelligent people. You're out of your class. Fucking deal with it. Whoa.

Uneducated. You're a high school dropout and you know it. You're good at trash talk and that's it. I don't think he's a high school dropout. Move on with your life. What? I think he graduated from college. No, he didn't.

He fucking dropped out of high school early. What? Like sophomore year. No. No, that guy's dumb, bro. No. Yeah, Chelsan is dumb. Are you sure?

Yeah. Did you ever talk to him? Yes. Dude, he's two points above retarded oh that's fact that's fact you can look that up what are the points what what points do you get when you got a real issue like what keep in mind okay the line that they have medically is like if you are barely retarded you're still not like really retarded but we should be more politically correct with our use of that word. Mentally retarded. You're a terrible person. Trans-tarded. Oh, you can't say that.

You can't say that. That's illegal. Trans-tarded. Yeah. Depending on who's president, you'll get arrested for that. They're coming for you. I like Chael. I like what he does.

I have to talk about the fact that someone's talking shit to build up, but it doesn't stop someone from talking shit. It also makes it more fun to watch. I know what the fuck it is, and I like it. People are going to like it. It makes it more interesting. It also makes it more fun to watch. I know what the fuck it is, and I like it. People are going to like it. It makes it more interesting. It makes it... Look, Rafael Dos Anjos went into that octagon with the weight of not just fighting

Colby with his considerable skill set, because Colby beat him from fucking round one to round five. Most rounds were controlled by Colby's pressure. Most moments. Dos Anjos is a killer. He had some very good moments in the first round, but Colby overwhelmed him There's no doubt about that so he has skill on top of that

But part of what was interesting about it was how failed dos Anjos came into there with the weight of all the shit that Colby Had been talking that stuff you carry that man Aldo carry that That's what Aldo was with Conor Like a lead vest He jumped in what are you doing? Dude like a lead he had a lead vest on him the anger he had he justo was with Conor. Like a lead vest. He jumped in. What are you doing? Dude, he had a lead vest on him. The anger he had. He just wanted to smash Conor.

Oh my God. And Conor slid out of the way and just- Like right away. What are you doing? Dropped a left hand on his chin. It was one of the most artistic expressions of shit talking, manifesting- Working. Outside the box behavior, loss of composure.

He lost his composure. Yeah, he really did. It was crazy. He just got super hyper-aggressive, and he ran right into a perfectly placed left hand. But Anderson and Chael had that, too. I mean, Chael, he frustrated Anderson so bad. But he frustrated him more with what he was doing in the octagon.

No, saying. Saying first. He talked crazy mad shit see to people for people to appreciate chale as a fighter what i say is you've seen some really good fights and his he's had some recent wins that are very good yeah he beat rampage that's a big win but if you go back watch him fight nate marquardt because nate marquardt was in his prime he would come over from strike force he was at that time time, or was he just leaving Strikeforce? He went to Strikeforce and became their welterweight champion.

He became their 170 over there. He beat Tyron Woodley in this crazy fucking KO sequence where he blasts him with an elbow and hits him with an uppercut. It's one of the greatest KO sequences of all time. I'll play this for you. Let me just say this. Nate Marquardt, at one one point in time was one of the best If not the best mixed martial arts fighter in this country just couldn't get by Sanderson

He never know he never found the the UFC during his right moment Right he had already had a shitload of fights outside the UFC by the time he got here And I think he was probably a little compromised by the time he got here Josh Barnett's like that. Yeah, I don't really Yeah, well he never really fought much. Well, he won the title in the UFC when he was 24. He's the youngest ever UFC heavyweight champion. Well, I'm a moron. I mean, that's clearly wrong.

Josh fought a bunch of times in the UFC during one stint. And he got KO'd by Pedro Hizzo. He beat Randy Couture for the title. Josh was a beast, man. I mean, Josh was a fucking beast. He really was. But so was Nate Marquardt. And Chael fought Nate Marquardt.

Nate Marquardt was very close to his prime. They went to war, man. They went to fucking war. And Chael dominated him. Chael dominated him. Yeah, and he dominated him with his wrestling. His wrestling, because he talks so much shit and because he seems so silly when he says,

I've never lost a second of any round in any fight. This is the KO sequence with Nate Marquardt and Tyron. Dude, Nate Marquardt was a fucking assassin at one point. I know guys that trained with him. They say, dude, I never saw Nate lose a fucking round. It just never came together perfectly in the UFC. But watch this KO sequence. This is insane. By the way, he's fighting Tyron Woodley. Boom, he catches him. Watch this.

Watch this elbow. Boom! Here it comes. Oh, this is not the sequence. This is the sequence towards the end. Oh, you're fired, Jamie. Yeah, this is not the sequence where it was the KO. See if you can just get right to the KO.

I thought I had it right and then it started a bit over. This was, by the way, very different Tyron Woodley, I should say, too. This is pre-Duke Rufus. This is Tyron when he was just coming off of wrestling. Here it is. So you heard him with that right hand, and he comes in and he catches them with a with a big elbow this has been way better if it was just queued up to the KO isn't there just the KO sequence because I know I've seen it like just as a clip on YouTube just

scoot ahead a little there right there yeah Nate Marker was great for a while dude I'm telling you so this fight fight, boom, look at this. Boom, boom, boom. Come on, man. That's video game. Play that back. That's video game shit. That's video game shit. And again, this is Tyron Woodley. He's a fucking stud. Boom, boom, boom.

And on the way down. That shit is insane. That's an insane KO. So Chael dominated that dude. Wow. And dominated him when he was in this era. Tell me what year was this fight and what year was Chael's fight against him in the UFC? So Chael has some serious skill, too. Yeah. Particularly with his wrestling.

Yeah. So people, you know, they, but the trash talking was why he became famous. It wasn't just that. Yeah, no, it was the trash talking. That's when I became aware of him. Trash talking was why he became famous. It wasn't just that. Yeah, no, it was trash talking. That's when I became aware of him. Just Google Nate Marquardt's MMA record. The lead up to that Anderson fight was like nothing I'd ever seen. Yeah.

Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck. I mean, we saw a bunch of Anderson fights, and we saw a bunch of hype before that, but it was never that. At best, it was like, I'm going to take him down and beat him. So the Tyron Woodley fight was in 2012, and when did he fight? Chael Sonnen was before that. See, that's how good Chael Sonnen was. He beat that guy. Two years before.

Before he went over to Strikeforce and became the welterweight champion. So he fought him in his absolute prime and dominated him. He fought so many good people. This is Nate Marquardt? Yeah. Dude, he fought everybody. Dean Lister, Silva, Jimmy Horn, K.O. Damian Maia with one punch, remember?

Damian Maia, Chael Sonnen. He got lit up by Anderson, though. Cardo Almeida. Fuck. There's Yushin Okami. Anderson ground and pounded him, I think. Who, Nate? Nate, yeah.

But Nate, honestly, I feel like Nate at 170 was at his best. Yeah, he TKO'd him. He ground and pounded him, I believe. At 170, he was at his best. Like, can you see him in the Tyron Woodley fight? Because he was big, but he wasn't too big. He wasn't too bulky. And he was a very powerful guy for that weight class.

If he kept it that weight class. Damn, he's lost a lot. He lost a lot of fights. Yeah. That's the problem. And I think he's retiring now. He's like two and six. But my point was, it doesn't take anything away from the skill of the guy when you're talking about his shit talking.

It's fun. It's a fun aspect of what it is that you have to talk about. And the idea that he's not making money off it is preposterous. That's a ridiculous argument. What do you mean, not making money off he was saying that i i said that he was that he was doing it for pay-per-view sales and he's like he doesn't get a penny of those pay-per-view sales but that's a ridiculous thing first of all that's what i'm saying dude he's dumb he's a dumb guy oh his trash talk is just from a from from an uninformed point of view it's great because it's like stupid stupidly like into something but like he's not educated on almost any subject other than fighting.

I think he's a smart guy. No, I disagree. I talk to him. I feel like he's very intelligent. Yeah, well, you're a guinea. Wow, I am a guinea. It's harsh. Throw that in my face.

When I look at all the Jews that won Nobel Peace Prizes, Nobel Science Project, whatever it is. Yeah. What is it? Nobel Prizes for Science won by more european jews than i think any other race yeah is it surprising isn't that true yeah it sounds right something any other race any other i think any other like obvious classification it's never sicilian

italians yeah the word's out man we yeah we're smart why are you guys smarter what is that about i think it's just honestly like the stuff Jimmy the Greek was talking about, but like in a positive way, just, we're just, our brains, we're just, we've inner, first of all, okay, we're bred for that. We don't have any outside genes. Right. So like, you know how some dogs are super like loyal. Right.

Yeah. We're just intelligence. Everything else is falling apart. Intelligence is over there. There might be something to that. Why is racist to say why is it racist to say we're smarter It's great to say something is less smart, but less yeah, but no we're the smartest ones Maybe second Maybe the Chinese got you beat. Well, you know Asians. This is what's really crazy. Yeah, there's a real issue right now

With Asians and university enrollments, particularly in Harvard. Why? They discriminate against Asians. Because so many apply? Because so many are kicking ass. Yeah. They're doing so well. So they discriminate against to get them out of there?

Yeah. And there's like real talk about how this is crazy because Asian people for, by, all right, this is a generalization and i'm trying not to be racist but generally speaking asian students are known as working very hard yeah and they're very dedicated and they're very successful and their representation is overwhelming in terms of their numbers in the population and for sure they're killing it yeah they're killing it. Yeah. They're killing it. And because of that and their, their mindset is to just work really hard. It's not to protest things and not to shut things down. It's just, Oh yeah. They're in the library during all those protests. They're just in the library. Them and the Indians. While this is all happening. I'm not saying that they're

not socially conscious, but while this is all happening, they're not protesting it the way maybe other groups that felt marginalized whether it's people of color or trans people or gay people whatever it is don't feel represented or discriminated against they would be shutting down you know conferences and yelling down speakers and shouting out in the hallway but the asians the whole reason why they kick ass is because they don't spend any time on petty bullshit. They're just like, get it done. Get it done. So because of that, Harvard, fucking Harvard, is saying, hey, we're going to be racist against

you because we know you're not going to complain. Whoa, what? Look at this. What? Pull this up. Pull this up, Jamie. I want you to pull up Asian students harder to get into Harvard lawsuit. That's crazy.

It's crazy. And it's not a small amount they're discriminating by. They're making their grades considerably higher in order to gain acceptance. Really? Yes. Wow. I mean, is that because of a natural breakdown

of different races? You can't slow one down. Then that just means Harvard would have less productive graduates? It doesn't make any sense. It's a crazy way of thinking, but it's all in this idea of diversity. Instead of treating people as individuals, instead of just saying

human beings, you have to have each class represented by a certain amount of people. But it's not anti-racist. It's not a racist idea to want everybody to be treated as one. It's just, it can be done with an eye on avoiding all possible racism. It can be done to treat people purely as individuals. Here's the worst way that can ever be done. The worst way is you tell the most successful people who are complaining the least that they have to work harder. You are getting fucked by your genes.

The people in your past, in your group, your little gene pool, too good. You're doing too good in school, so we're going to're making harder than it is for my kids. That's not literally what people are doing They're too because if they didn't Harvard would be like all Asians Asians would be dominating And it the very reason why they think they can get away with this lawsuit accuses Harvard of discriminated against Asian American applicants in personal ratings Personal ratings. I don't know what it is, man. They're making it more difficult. It says students for fair admissions has accused Harvard of intentionally discriminating against

Asian American applicants by limiting their admissions numbers. So they're limiting the numbers. Only this many Asians. Only this many Asians. And by the way, that's super hard for like let's say like Vietnamese or not the Chinese or Japanese. You know, we should say we don't know if this many Asians. And by the way, that's super hard for like, let's say like Vietnamese or not the Chinese or Japanese. You know, we should say we don't know if this is true.

We should say, you know, just to be really clear, this is a lawsuit. We don't know if this is true. But this is the argument. And this is the argument that many, many, many people have made. Now, I haven't really personally researched this, but I know a lot of like legitimate intellectuals have brought this up in debates and conversations. And they're saying, look look this is an issue this is essentially this is sanctioned racism against one group because they're too effective so you're limiting the number you're

saying where we're trying to get more of an emphasis on like extracurriculars you shouldn't get in or out yeah based on being asian or based on being European. That's crazy. You should get in or out by you having merit and you being a worthy student. And difficult schools like Harvard are supposed to be difficult. And if the cream of the crop all comes from Asia, shouldn't we look at what the fuck we're doing here that we can't compete with them? I mean, what is it?

Wow, they're getting rid of Asian students. Do we want to compete with them? I mean, is it too much are they requiring too much of their life to be successful with their school their schoolwork i mean yeah that's the thing too if you're going to are they saying we want a normal life you want to like develop your normal life too well if you're going through college and everything you're doing all day is studying and you literally you might have like some fucking shitty part-time job somewhere to make some money for food, and then you're studying more.

Maybe you have a part-time job. A lot of people don't. So if you think about all that time. That's not the kind of life I want for my kids. That's a crazy life, man. Yeah, no way. And especially with some of the things are just for four years. Some of the things, it's not anything you're really interested in, but you have to get it on.

You have to have a fully balanced education. You have to take classes you're not even remotely interested in. you have to do it and it's this one way and this is how we can assure that you have enough knowledge that we can give you a piece of paper that says you have a degree i mean and asians are killing it they're killing it like that's the game okay okay within those rules well we're just going to work 20 hours. Dude, my friend, Jungsik, I think I've told you about him before. He was a U.S. National Taekwondo team member. When I was like, hmm. Who's Jungsik?

Indonesian? Jungsik Chang. He's Korean. Oh, Chang. He was going through his fucking residency. He was going to be a doctor. Going through his residency and training for the national team. And he was running stairs.

Running stairs in the school. In between studying. Wow. He would do studying and then he would run the stairs. How are you going to hold a guy like that back? Dude, you couldn't hold him back. He slept four hours a night. If that's true, that's the same shit as like... He was always tired.

Yeah. He was always tired. Because he works hard. He didn't give a fuck. He was always tired. He would just show up exhausted and kick ass. Wow. And he wasn't physically talented either.

This guy made it to the Nationals, and he became a national champion, and he wasn't even like really, really physically talented. He wasn't like some freak athlete that just moves super fast. He's just fucking unbelievably smart, unbelievably hard worker. But I saw the way that guy was living as he was like, I was a couple years younger than him him and he was going through his residency and training and doing all this crazy shit at the same time. And I was,

I was like, I'm exhausted just watching you. Like, I can't see how this could be worth it to do all those things. Did you do one of those things? Maybe that's what I want to do. I want to do one of those things, but you're doing two of those things.

He was doing what I was doing. And then on top of that, more and way more, way more. He was doing and then on top of that more and way more way more he was doing school work that was delivering newspapers and shit yeah do you know what this if that's happening they're just saying like it's the same thing as like making it so white people get ahead it's crazy it's like you can't do that laws now you're arrested if you don't have a job but that's this is where you could realize that all this stuff is crazy. You're being racist against a minority. And you think it's okay because they kick so much ass.

Because they're powerful. So you're like, we can take them down some. It's literally racist. Because if you're saying you can only have a certain number of these people in there. It's crazy. That's racist. It's got to be. To say, no, we're trying to keep a diverse population.

It's not a representative population of the best of the best, then. I mean, they should take off any of their names off their applications or something like that. And just be like, let's see what they got. Yeah. But I guess they'd probably judge you based on many things, right? You know, they tried that for the old Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Just take the names off the applications? Say, we don't want to see your names.

Just your writing sample. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, that's smart. Well, here's what happened, though. They hired only white males. God damn it. Yeah. And then Jon Stewart was like, OK, I guess going in blind is not enough.

I guess we fucked up. He didn't even say like, well, that just shows it's not our fault. That's just fucking randomly. We had eight people and they happen to be white dudes. Here's the thing, though. If you had movers, okay, and you wanted to move furniture and you tested people for moving furniture, is it okay to hire all men? Yeah. It's okay.

Why? Because they're physically stronger. Physically, yeah. Now, is it okay to hire someone who you think is going to be the best at the job, or do you have to have a certain amount of women? So you wouldn't expect it from something physical, like a moving company. But why should it be mandatory for something like a creative thing? Well, it's different a little bit,

because no one except the client is appreciating the movers. So it's just like, if I'm hiring, I'm the only one who'll have to deal with it. so it's just like if I'm hiring I'm the only one who'll have to deal with it like say if you were say if you were um doing a show uh like a woman's show a woman's comedy show okay and what am I me now or am I a woman you'd have to be a woman I guess okay go ahead and you want you are a female executive producer and you want to have like a female voice to it so you want to just hire some really funny chicks and what guy is gonna I know obviously it happens way way way way more often the opposite way where women get discriminated against but what guy is gonna say no fuck that i want a part of this all right you know i should have a job here you should be a troll a troll you should be

equally represented male versus female because that's what a lot of people feel like when it comes to men and women. Like someone was telling Bert on his podcast that the comedy store should be half women. I know. That lady just, she honestly has no idea what American comedy is all about. Was she Chael Sutton in it? And definitely not LA. Yeah, yeah.

She was speaking in an uninformed way, the way Chael does a lot. I mean, it's ridiculous. Dude, it's not a joke. He's just not that smart. You don't get to tell that. Whatever. But this woman was the same as ChaelL where she was like uninformed and just going full bore

and she wasn't doing to promote anything she was just doing it because she thought it was right but it's like oh you don't really understand how this works there's a process or it's like I saw a blog once that we need more women in like hiring positions and it's like you mean the head of the comedy store the head of the fucking comedy seller head of new york comedy club uh uh colbert like there's plenty of

female bookers like you don't really know so when you tell them that then it then they should go oh okay oh i didn't realize that well there's certain things that people love to say when they've done almost no research on what it actually is yeah yeah so that lady that lady had no clue she just goes i'm not getting in here i'm a big comic i'm not getting in here it must be it's just not causation and causality she goes it must be because of this i've had my agents call and it's like oh no i worked for mitzi when agents or managers call and say i might get my client in she'd go fuck off that's not the way we do things here dude i got in an argument with someone about the wage gap and they really believe that men and women work right next to each other doing the same job

and the woman is only making 75 cents to the guy's dollar. And that's what's been put out there enough times. But this is a crazy thing to argue. If you're going to argue that, you should know what that is. You should know what that is. Otherwise, you're just talking shit, which we all do sometimes.

But you've got to be willing to say, oh, I didn't really know. I believe in this, I believe in that. It's like, which studies have you read? And it's almost always, no, zero studies. I like to believe this versus whatever. Luckily, we're not in charge of making decisions. People love, love to put these studies out, like to tweet them out without having even looked at them at all.

Yeah. Some of these are so, there's studies out there that prove you everything. With wage gap. He's like, so you're telling me I can get the same – I'm a smart businessman who's made a bunch of money. And I can get the same level of talent out of this woman. Or better. Well, let's just say equal, but 75% or better. Sorry, ma'am.

Sorry. Or equal or probably better. That's 75 cents on the dollar. And I'm a smart businessman and I'm not going to go with the lower cost equal talent or better talent. How can I run a successful business making that kind of decision?

How can you? Yeah. They would be hired at far higher rates. Or you can look deeper at it and be like, oh, it's just like total jobs or whatever it is. Again, I haven't read any of the studies,

but I just listen to people who have. I think you're right. I think there's something to that. If they really could hire the same people for the same job and get a woman who's just as good at it for 75 cents, it's horseshit, though. They would hire only women. The people don't know what we're talking about. It's all based on what jobs you choose. It's like it's not the men don't make more money because they do the same job

and make more money at that job than the woman does. They do different jobs. That's where the wage gap is. The wage gap is in the number of hours that men work, the different jobs that they choose, what they excel in.

It has nothing to do with like two people that are both, you know, in the same line, an assembly line or something like that with the same amount of time and they both make the same amount of money yeah and one or uh rather the male makes a dollar for every 75 cents that's not how the the wage gap works it's just different jobs okay so hearing that information like i remember when i first heard it it was like you can either go fuck you

you're just trying to fucking shit on women or you can go huh well let me i've never thought of that let me look into that a little bit, and then I'll get back to you. Instead of immediately reacting, fuck off. Well, people get mad, like, that's not what it is. Like, yes, it is what it is. And you're foolish if you keep arguing with me, because you don't even know what it is. This is a dumb conversation now. I can't argue with you when I know that you haven't read any of the stuff that points to these numbers like look the the thing is no one should be like

whatever you do what whatever it is whether it is you make incredible sculptures or you build cars or you're a painter whatever the fuck it is that you do no one should be able to say that you doing this definitely should make as much money as doing that. No, things are worth what they're worth. Oh yeah, exactly. We remember Tommy DeLuz, bowler. Yeah.

Yeah. At some point he was ranked, I think top 15 in the world at his sport, which is the equivalent of like, uh, I'm trying to even think who would be like Carmelo Anthony, let's say. Right. I'm trying to even think who would be, like Carmelo Anthony, let's say. Right, right. And this guy, Tommy DeLuz at his sport, made 38 grand and Carmelo makes 20 million. Yeah. Sorry, your sport's not as popular. It's just not as popular. Your weight class isn't as popular.

That's just how it works. Yeah. That's just how it works. It's not fucking sought after. Yeah. I could see how you would want more money. Yeah, sure. Everybody does. I get that. fucking sought after yeah i could see how you would want more money yeah sure everybody does

i get that but like there's certain people that they're it's harder to do that job and the reason why they do it is because they know that it's more valuable so they work harder and they get that job do you imagine being the fucking ceo of a corporation how well i wouldn't want much pressure would be on you all the time being fucking Tim Cook over at Apple that's why I don't get paid as much as him exactly like a horrible job exactly exactly well that is the same that the same philosophy is the reason why women approach now and I say some women I should say because they're like super hyper aggressive career-oriented women that work as hard or harder than men maybe even harder to prove that they're as tough as the

Men, but they would take the approach that you and I would take like fuck that life. I'm not doing that whereas it's Statistically more males push themselves by working longer and harder hours on purpose here try to succeed It's just a natural thing. They're trying to win a game. There's a competition. You're just putting points on the board. That's what materialism is. By the way, I think that's a fool's game to get into. Personally, I see people doing that. My friends from high school and I'm like, you're wasting your life. For what? For a digit number. You're not doing anything with yourself. The problem is, man, they get stuck in this loop of obligation. They get stuck in the loop of children and mortgage. And then once you have a car and a nice house and, you know, you maybe want to get a boat,

dude, you get stuck and you have all these payments and obligations and you're not going to work because you have a family. But maybe you always wanted to be a rock and roll singer. Yeah. No, and you never fucking got a chance to get out of the blocks and you're living your life in this angry state,fulfilled angry state so the advice is for the young the advice is for young people the advice is for people that look at their parents and all these other people that are telling them what they have to do are they right or is there a fucking path out there if you just figure out what you really like to do and just only go that way. Because if you go this way and then I'm going to take a couple years off and go that way for a while.

And then I'm going to go back to school and get my degree just so I have something to fall back on. You didn't get any further down the road. You're in the same spot you would have been if you didn't do shit. You got to go forward. Do something forward. Even if it's the wrong direction, you're still getting experience doing something. You're finding out what it takes to succeed and fail. You're making the decision on purpose in order to get something you think is right.

I don't know what it's like. Dude, I think more and more people are saying no to this whole way of doing it. And more of being like, I want to be outdoors. I value friendship over cash. Things like that. Experiences over fucking money. And they're starting to go the other way. And they're starting to ask for like, they get their jobs like okay i'll take

this job but i want six weeks off yeah you know i'll take less money but i want more freedom people are going for that they are and they should there's no value there's no time there's no time you got to do what you like you got to do stuff you enjoy that's why i went to new york i was like i saw 40 coming and i was like this seems like it's going to be less and less doable to pick up and move at certain age ranges. I know it's not, but it just seems like that. And so it's like, go. Fucking do something that you want to do. Get going.

I don't know. I want you to exercise more, dude. Oh, yeah, for sure. I want you to. You're a smart guy. Yeah. And you're in your 40s. know, you're in your 40s Yeah, you're in your 40s. It's super important to keep your body healthy because it's gonna start deteriorating

Dude it just starts falling apart man starts the stuff starts working shitty I see dudes they have you know what freaks me out my resolutions is here to work out more Let's do it. Come on. After this fucking podcast. Let's get one in, son. Lift. I don't want to do cardio. Just do chin-ups. There's cardio machines over here.

I have a VersaClimber. I did once in a while, but I got to do it more. It's just bike for two hours. Just like get going strong. Just run around. Yeah. But like fast.

That's why I like running. See, I'm outside doing something. I'm running around. Feels cooler. Yeah. Yeah. There's something to it. I'm running around.

I see things. I'm moving. It's your mind. Yeah. yeah. There's something to it. I'm running around. I see things. I'm moving. It's your mind moving. When you're on a machine, you just fucking, unless you're listening to a good book on tape or you're watching

a good television show or something like that, it's boring. Yeah. But when you're running, you gotta look about where you're stepping. Dude, when you're high

and watching some Cartoon Network shit and running, you could go forever. You could. You really can. Yeah. Music helps you go forever. There could. You really can. Yeah. Music helps you go forever. Like, there's something about having, like,

a badass song. Like, you don't hear your own breath. Put some peaches on. It's like, you... You get a nice rhythm that doesn't freak you out. Like, it freaks me out sometimes when I hear a rhythm of me really pushing hard cardio because I go, God damn, I'm going pretty hard.

Maybe I should back off. But when you're listening to to music you don't even think about it you just keep going yeah it's like a little meditative trick it occupies your mind in some weird way it lets you to put like just a little extra effort in it's pretty fun plus you got to get off your phone yeah you can't really be on there while you're doing that can't be on your phone so it like yeah forces you to go clear for a little bit. Yeah, you can't answer calls and shit when you're on a fucking treadmill, asshole. Yeah. People trying to talk to you here in the background.

They do that in movies. They do that in movies where they go like, yeah, go. And they're just like, they're not out of breath. They're able to talk normally. They do that and they do nightclubs way wrong. Kevin Smith's the first guy I ever saw that had a desk that was on a treadmill. He had his desk right here. Really?

Yeah, when he first started losing weight he's gone through a few uh different versions of like dieting and changing his diet yeah he um you know he had a heart attack no way really he had a heart attack when he was filming a special he filmed two shows he was supposed to film two shows filmed one and in between shows had a fucking heart attack and uh just they were like you're having a massive heart attack we're taking you to the hospital in between filming and he had the kind of heart attack that 80 of the people that get it die what yeah it was a big one total blockage yeah total blockage of one of his arteries they had to put a stent in him yeah the whole deal and he's lost like a shitload of weight. Since then? A shitload. Wait, was this recently?

Yeah, real recently. Because he lost weight before. Yeah, yeah. So this was when he lost weight before. When I first met him, he was, I first, he's a sweetheart of a guy. Do you know him well? I barely know him. I've never met him. I've just talked to him online a couple times, like real quick.

Super smart. Like deceptively smart. Oh, his speeches he makes at Comic-Con are fucking glorious. No, he's amazing. He's an amazing guy. And he's a real, real, like a genuine sweetheart. So when I first met him, he had a sugar thing. He just loved sugar.

He's eating a lot of candy. He just loved to eat candy. And then when I met him a sec time, I ran into him. He decided to go on like a bunch of juice cleanses and shit. He was just drinking a lot of juice and eating healthy food. He lost a fuckload of weight, and that's when he had the the Treadmill thing with a laptop on this platform, so he would walk and do his work Smart move I say a lot of that shits mental like whenever Ralphie got his stomach stable now

Wow, it looks like a mouse tiny little face. Oh beautiful tiny face oh look how fat he was there yeah he got big yeah but like as soon as you lose that weight you gotta see a therapist you're covering up something yeah there's something there's something to it for sure you know it's just people get in ruts man you know you get in ruts with your food you get in ruts with your behavior but the food one is a big one you know that kind of food is just fucking terrible For your body You're just constantly consuming sugar You're putting your body into a state of shock

Processing this stuff that's never supposed to be in that form It's like Patrice would like Chug two candy bars and then pass out His body would try to process it But like What's going on in his brain This is one of the things I want to say to you One of the things

that's fun about you going to New York is you've brought more New York insult style to our conversations and our hangings out because LA style is like way less insulting, but, but you like, like our group text messages that we have with Bert and Tom. That's my favorite thing. It's a fucking great text.

But the insults to each other are hilarious now. It's such New York style insult comedy. My friends in New York say that. You really have. You bridge the gap between L.A. comedy and New York comedy. It was always separate before you came there. It's true, dude. You've made everybody more insult-y.

But it's fun. I love it. It is fun. See, the thing is, it's fun the thing is it's fun man I love insulting each other it's fucking fun it's silly fun man and when someone gets you with a good one it's like oh shit yeah it's a

it's a that's but it's like in LA they're like avoiding it I just said something about a coffee pot. I didn't know. You know who had a great point? Wanda. Wanda Sykes said that that was Patrice.

She said Patrice elevated that level. She really said it. She's like, I think he changed the frequency of that comedy scene. I'm like, you are right. That's possible. I think she's 100% right. What's his name started hugging? And he started the hugs in LA.

Who started the hugs? The guy who died in the car accident. Josh Adamari's friend. I can't remember his name now. Oh, I didn't know him that well. Yeah, but he brought hugs back. He was like, I'm doing this. And it just kind of spread out from the open mic scene to Gerard to us.

Well, we always hugged. Sort of. But he's like constant hugs for hellos. Where it's like, it's not weird anymore. I didn't know of him. And I independently was hugging for hellos so i would get that notion okay but i think it's great that everybody was doing it patrice would i heard that guy was an awesome guy oh yeah i didn't know him i don't even think i ever saw angela bowers yeah i don't think i ever even saw him do stand-up i think i maybe see him at the clubs great guy full of good joke writer no one

says a bad thing about the guy. So Patrice would do stuff where he was like, DeRosa would walk in, and he would just start making fun of DeRosa's lack of shoulders. Oh, God. He would be like, fucking DeRosa can't wear backpacks because they fucking fall off.

He goes, my favorite one. He brought that up. He goes, Joe DeRosa can't have a heart-to-heart with his father because every time his father tries to put his hand on his shoulder, it slides off. Oh, Jesus oh my god i was on the phone calling into opie and anthony once and i was talking about anthony's gun collection yeah and i said do you worry like you're kind he goes i'm strapped everywhere i go i go all throughout your house everywhere you go you're strapped he goes yes absolutely i'm like do you ever think that like

maybe you're like manifesting this that like That by constantly having guns everywhere, you're manifesting potential gun violence? And Patrice goes, Rogan thinks that kind of shit because he's magic. Rogan's out there manifesting shit. He's asking you about manifesting. Rogan's all up on that magic. I was fucking dying laughing. I was like, oh my God. He was so good at jumping on

silly shit that you were saying. You had to pick out what you are. What the fuck are you wearing? No, seriously. What in the fuck are you wearing? And then he would just go hard. He would just go hard. You just gotta accept that it's a joke or you'll get mad. You gotta love it.

Diaz has his own version of that. What the fuck are you doing the fuck you doing with that thing i told you one time ds was mocking me because i had a notebook i had no books he goes what are you doing with that fucking notebook let everybody know you're writing billy hemingway over here you know as those fucking things people don't write you want to let everybody know you're right get the fuck out of here with the notebook get the fuck out of here with the notebook i love when you can see things clear like out of here with the notebook he would i love when you can see things clear like that yeah taylor has this theory that i love because anytime you

hear somebody say they're gonna start writing or they're gonna start working out because that's someone who's telling you they are not working out or are not writing right like what do you mean you can tell me i've been working out that's a whole separate thing i hear a lot more people say are about to start doing something than people that are doing something yeah i started using this program for my last special and i want to tell you about that scrivener have you fucked with it did i show it to you did i show you how it's set up yeah it's pretty cool dude it's a game changer it's making me organize stuff in a totally different way it's nice to have like a little column to the left where I put all subject

matter. And then to the right, each one of those will click and it'll show you all the shit you've written on that subject. So it's, you could move it around. Like you, you could,

you know, you could put your, your set in order with something like that. That is, you know, I'm trying to, I need that for this. I'm doing this hour.

I'm trying to do all juice stuff. Oh yeah. Can I do the thing about the demons and the other dimension? Yeah. Nice. I'm closing to do, I need that for this. I'm doing this hour. I'm trying to do all juice stuff. Oh yeah. Can I do the thing about the demons and the other dimension? Yeah. Nice. I'm closing with that and back and forth. But, um,

um, yeah. But then I have to be real conscious of like how many like stories about two holidays am I giving? How many like customs am I giving? How much am I showing that I have expertise on this? Like I have to keep reiterating, you know, every like 15 minutes or so like show something they're like no no you should believe me because i'm you know put it back in there not saying it once up top doesn't do it

you have to like do a story about me and yeshiva in israel so oh yeah oh yeah yeah that's right this guy's right but you have you have the deepest you fucking went went to Israel and you were studying how many hours a day? Like 14 maybe. Yeah. You were literally the Asian equivalent. Yeah. Of the top 1% that gets into Harvard by just studying religious text. I know more about this shit than anybody that I know. Avi Lieberman knows some stuff.

And Ilan knows a little bit. But I was so deep in. And I still have friends that are deep in that we like talk about it sometimes. And the laws that I just, yeah. When my friends ask me like, what's, what's, what's this customer? I'm like, I'm like, and then I see it as a, from a fresh point of view for the first time in 20 years of like, oh, it's just because it represents this. I'm like, what?

And I'm like, oh yeah. Yeah. Like just all the stories all the stories so like i'm starting like there's a story of purim where esther fucking let's go so far back on all these but one of the first feminists in the talmud in the torah itself was the story of purim where vashti that the queen of the king not jew Jewish, was called to say, hey, come in front of my court and show your naked body. And she refused. She said, no, I'm not doing that.

It was one of the first feminist characters. Vashti said no, and she was banished, and they looked for another princess, and it was this Jewish lady that was in hiding about her Judaism forever. It was weird. But anyway, Vashti, we always viewed her as this great feminist leader who could stand up for herself. And then recently, But anyway, Vashti, we always viewed her as this great feminist leader, you know, who

could stand up for herself. And then recently, my Sephardic Jewish friend, who was deep in there too, he pointed out, I was like, no, no, she had herpes. She had a herpes outbreak. She didn't want to show her body. She didn't just suddenly. That wasn't the first time. How did he know that?

Because he did more research on it. And he'd read all the commentary, the Rashi and all that stuff on there. And they break it down like legitimately. So some stuff you didn't really think about and other stuff you're like, oh, there was a story of a rabbi who his students were being killed by a dragon. And I read this and I'm like, it's not supposed to be a metaphor. Nothing in this supposed to be a metaphor. It's also mean something else.

Act as metaphor, but also be real. So I'm like, what dragon are you talking about? This killing students. And I showed my rabbi this and he was like, all right this is one metaphor it's jerking off it's masturbation what they were dying off at night and the rabbi to kill the dragon oh this is the best part the rabbi to kill the dragon hid under one of the students beds until the dragon attacked yeah so i was like what is all this he goes it's masturbation i I was like, oh, okay. Now it makes sense to me. As an adult, this makes sense to me in a normal way.

The only metaphor has to do with that. That's so insane. Yeah. So now I'm starting to look at all that shit from an adult, removed point of view with an insider's knowledge of it. Right. Oh, it's so fun to do it on stage when you can make a crowd who doesn't know anything about Judaism understand it and fucking laugh at it Wow. Yeah, I'm really having fun now. That's awesome. Yeah, that sounds exciting Mm-hmm. I want to see your set you you going up tonight

No, I'm flying home tonight. I will be back July In July, I think I'm running a preview show You're talking about that because we'd always talked about that like years and years ago Like you should be talking about that on stage. I wasn't good enough. Yeah, I think I'm running a preview show. I'm glad you're talking about that. Because we had always talked about that years and years ago. You should be talking about that on stage. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. That's it, right?

And so then I'm trying to cover all the subjects, too. So it's weird because I'm not just building an hour. And also, I'll get inspired by something else. A homeless guy. Some guy was feeding rats outside my fucking building. Literally luring rats into my fucking building. That is so insane. So there's bits like that I want to do. But this won rats into my fucking building. That is so insane. So there's bits like that I want to do,

but this won't go in the hour. Was it a homeless guy that was doing that? No, it was a regular! It was in fucking New York. Destroys everyone's humanity. And you can't live after a while. Oh my god. It's so fucking heartbreaking sometimes. He's feeding rats? Feeding rats! Not pigeons is bad enough! There's campaigns all over the city!

Stuff in trash cans! We need to work together to get rid of rats. There's campaigns all over the city. Stuff in trash cans. We need to work together to get rid of rats. It's impossible. You can lower their numbers. You've seen the Netflix thing, right? On rats? You haven't seen it? No.

Oh, you poor bastard. Rats in New York. Oh. It's the worst part of that city. Dude, it's insane. This documentary is insane. You watch that documentary, you have a whole new understanding of what you're dealing with there's like a little tiny army of creatures that live amongst the new yorkers that outnumber the new yorkers there's a lot by a lot and they're smart and they showed how you

it's hard it is to kill them because they send dumb young ones out to eat the poison first and they die and then they avoid it i'm thinking i'm thinking of getting a cat for my backyard this is it dude and it follows these exterminators. Cats are good, dude. Cats will help a lot. I know, but I don't want to take care of a cat. But they're going to piss all over. They'll piss everywhere.

I want to borrow a cat for like a week. They'll piss all over your yard. Your yard will smell funky. But they will kill a lot of these fuckers. But the thing is, man, you're not going to kill them all. You're just not. Oh, I'll turn this off. Fuck this.

New York has a giant problem, man. Dude, I was walking down the middle of the street, the middle of 12th Avenue, 12th Street. Look at this. That was a bot fly that was in one of them. They all had parasites. Tell us the story. You were walking where? Down the middle of the street, on the sidewalk, down the middle of the street, off to the cellar late one night, like 2.30,

3 in the morning, and this cop pulls up behind me and was like, and I fucking moved over. He's like, what are you doing? Get on the sidewalk. It was like early on when I moved to New York. It's's like there's rats on the sidewalk and i can't because they put the fucking trash out so you have a small space to go in and the trash starts to move and rustle and it's a fucking rat or more and they just dart in front of you one hit my foot once wondering right in my foot i don't text and walk anymore i fucking keep my eye on him at all times so i'm walking in the street, and I fucking yelled this level.

Sorry, I get into it when I talk about stuff. But I yelled at this level at the cop, I can't, there's fucking rats. And he was like, all right. And he just fucking let me go in the middle of the street. Oh, my God. Oh, you see the move. Something shouldn't move, and then it does. Dude, that fucking ivy vine by the store.

Yeah, full of rats. Full of rats. They just start moving. You feel like you're tripping on shrooms. Yeah, it's creepy that little viney that's a creepy ass vine anyway so I have bits

like that that I put aside I do sometimes but the rest is like I gotta cover this hour I gotta cover all the I can't leave anything out yeah yeah

you can't leave anything out so it's like yeah that shit sounds perfect for like how much to build in yeah you uh we always talked about that stuff but it's cool now that you,

you've figured it out a way. I'm a little better as a comic, 10 years later. Well, I think it's also learning how to write things, how to put them in order, you know, how to move stuff around and how to set it up.

When you're talking about something that's that crazy, what do you think of it now? Like now that you know so much about it and you've been, and whatever you would consider yourself agnostic or an atheist yeah for so long what do you think it originally was what do you mean like what started all those religious writings and teachings what do you what do you think they were do you think they're just trying to teach people whether like the torah the talmud yeah it's a way to get your group going and then you make laws on how to live

inside your group so it's just a section of laws really but this is how we're going to be how'd they agree well your tribe agreed that this well like so baha'i is really interesting because they take this i've ever told you this the baha'i faith they take the similarities between all religions like do not kill is almost in all of them so they go that must be a truth straight from god and then the churches sort of disseminated made them weird oh yeah the church is what like, you molded those towards your own population. So like Christians, some of the weakest ones. So they can't eat meat the whole Lent. And they go, well, we don't like that.

And they go, how about just no meat on Friday? And they go, all right, we'll accept that for a while. And these fucking weak-ass non-religious people. And they go, well, that's too. How about I just give up something? And the church is like, well, either we're going to lose you or we'll give in. Some of them, there's no give. They're just like, this is the rule.

You're out there and you're out. Right. Yeah. Like some of them changed holidays. Yeah. But you do it to control your own population with laws to help you. I mean, don't kill. It helps you live as a society. So you can be okay with each other. So Baha'i takes the similarity between all of them.. I mean, don't kill. It helps you live as a society.

So you can be okay with each other. So Baha'i takes the similarity between all of them. And so like, don't kill the story of the flood. That's a real similar thing to lots of religions. So that must be a real thing that happened. And then the don't eat pig is like, nah, that's just a Jew thing. Don't worry about that. I think that's a trichinosis thing.

That's not the, yeah. No, I think that's what the origin.osis thing that's not the yeah no i think that's what the origin oh right right maybe yeah i think that people were dying and then also the shellfish thing because of red tide like if they didn't know when to accurately predict you know certain times of the year shellfish are absolutely toxic oh really yeah it's called red tide yeah i don't know when it is when it's i've always wanted to know when it is. But you can't get clams and mussels from certain beaches during certain times of the year. You can't because it's toxic. Oh, so in humanity, that's why it could have started, for sure. For sure.

My rabbis would tell me the reason we don't eat pig is because God said. And that's the end of it. Well, I think that they probably ate it and probably tried to eat it raw, and people got deathly ill and children died. Right. That's what I think. You know, whenever- And they're like, don't. After many generations,ly ill. And children died. That's what I think. And after many generations, they don't. It's like, why?

It's like our God. Here it is. The sun God says no. Red tide is a phenomenon caused by algal blooms. During which algae becomes so numerous that they discolor. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. They release toxins that may cause illnesses in humans or other animals. Huh.

So this is, for whatever it is, Google red tide shellfish. I'm just trying to figure out why you're not. Is it red tide shellfish here? I think they might be talking about a slightly different thing. Nope, it's the same stuff. So consumption of shellfish that are contaminated by the toxins

can cause neurotoxic shellfish poisoning. NSP symptoms usually appear when a couple of hours of eating contaminated shellfish and they last for a few days. So that is red tide. So most likely something like that. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that for sure. That's the reason why they told them to not eat shellfish.

And trichinosis is really common in pigs because they eat everything. They eat rats. Pigs eat everything they can. They eat ground nesting birds. Yeah, I can for sure see that's why. That's why that started up. And obviously, like, don't fuck your neighbor's wife. That's a good move.

Yeah, it's like, we'll all be fighting. God says don't do that. Yeah, God says stop fucking everybody. Yeah. Yeah, there's some of them that are real universals, right? They travel from every religion. It's like people figured out rules that you should operate by to have a harmonious existence with your neighbors.

Yeah. Yeah. But then other ones are just ridiculous. Now that I'm stepped back and now someone will ask me about it. Some of them are like, Oh yeah. I just started laughing about what the purpose was and how it looks from the outside. We've talked about the one that's in the old testament where god sends a bunch of bears

down to kill kids because they're making fun of this guy being bald what yes really some of these i don't even know that's a crazy thing this is one of the best ones ever this guy is these kids are taunting this guy i'm calling him bald and so god sends these bears this guy's doing god's work and god protects his people god sends some fucking she bears to eat these kids dude it's the crazy pull it up so i could that's great here it is oh at least at least in the two bears make that a little bigger for my shitty eyes your profits yeah this is the way it's described it's hilarious where is it Go up, you bald head. Yeah, that is it.

This is what they're saying. Go up, you bald head, to him. When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord, all caps. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up 42 lads of their number. And he went, that is fucking insane. Are you supposed to read into that yeah so now here's the actual thing so like some shit was happening maybe maybe a different time maybe not and then fucking bears killed a bunch of these people that happened yeah and then i just had

to read into why for sure definitely people got killed by bears but they say jonah lived inside a whale yeah and they didn't say miracle on that one they just said the whale ate him but didn't fucking swallow and he was just there like the pelican with the fuck yeah it just was operating from not an understanding of how things work yeah like when they made star wars and fucking what's the name was shooting that that rudder and it was just open to space because we didn't know yet that like oh that'll just kill you yeah you can't just have open to space. You need like a barrier there.

Yeah, that would be like 250 degrees below zero. Yeah. Crazy shit. He's just like, it's an open window. He's firing out. Yeah, you can't do that. But we didn't know any better. It's like, that sounds right.

Yeah, you can live inside a whale. Like if you're in space and someone breaks the window. Imagine if you're in some, because you know that. Remember that alien? That one alien movie? Oh, yeah. With the bullet hole

and it got sucked slowly up. Yeah. And it got dragged out. That was pretty badass. But what's his face? Bezos is going to offer flights to space. Do you know that, right?

How much? Like in 2019. That's a good question. I saw an article about it like two days ago. I went into the lottery. How much would you be willing to pay? Would you be willing to pay 10 grand?

Yeah. 10 grand? 20? I think... 20 grand? The first number that came to mind was 50 but that's a lot 50 is a lot yeah but for the experience i would it better be good though yeah it can't just be get up then go back no you're right what if it's fucking lame you got to take 10 10 number one flat earth conspiracist you should be the first one to go for sure you got to tell everybody, man. You got to be willing to tell everybody what you see. Tell everybody. It's a ball.

It's a ball. There is no rocket. It is all CGI. Everything is artificial. We live in, it's been proven. We live in a hologram. Hey, what questions do you want to ask me about Anthony Bourdain?

Well, I wanted to talk to you about suicidal thoughts because you are, out of the people that didn't kill themselves, you are the one who knows the most about it. And you've experienced depression. I wasn't close with Anthony Bourdain, but I really liked him a lot. You know him. You met him. I met him with you once. Yeah.

And when I hung out with him, I really enjoyed it. I did a show. We did an episode of a show in Montana. We went camping together. Oh, really? Got fucked up by a campfire. Yeah, it was great. We had a great old time.

It was really fun. But I was stunned when that happened. And I mean, I just wanted to know, when you were at your worst, when you were having, like, really shitty feelings, like, what could have been anything that someone could have done that could have helped you? Oh, yeah. I think about this, too. I lost a friend to suicide. It was like, yeah, you want to stop and go, like, what? What could you have done, right?

Yeah. I mean, you helped. You got me into a therapist that fuck i couldn't afford i mean i've told you this before i probably on here that was like a physical thing you could do but just getting me to go to accept like that maybe it'll work well i i knew when i was talking to you that is a hard thing for you to talk about so if you're bringing it up it's a real real issue yeah yeah because you're stoic yeah you're you're not it up it's a real real issue yeah yeah it's like you're stoic yeah you're you're not you don't complain about that i don't like bothering people with my negative

stuff you don't positive so i remember we were playing pool and i was like what's matter like there's something going on sense it right yeah it was like you just seem like just unhappy or and so once we got you into that psychiatrist and dude you popped out of that thing like a fucking spring and you got me on the right and dude, you popped out of that thing like a fucking spring. He got me on the right pills. Yeah. And you went running. Like anybody who thinks that pills are all bad.

I don't think anything's all anything. Yeah. I think I know. That's a black and white problem where there are people like I talked to Benji once. He was like, they're overprescribing pills. Like they work for me. And he's like, well, I probably didn't. I'm like, no, no, no.

Just because you think they're overprescribing doesn't mean they should never prescribe. Right. There's stuff that works, and sometimes it works enough for you to just change your way of looking at the world and change your reality. And then you eventually weaned yourself off of them, which is really interesting. Well, it's a sprain of the brain muscle. It's what's happened. It's not like a physical pull like that, but that's really what it is, just a sprain.

And so until you get off it, until you get on a cast of some way, it's going to be real hard for it to heal. This is like, so far this metaphor works. No, that does work. I'll tell you if I stop. Well, I think it works in the most effective cases, like yours of medication. So these pills act as a cast and then

at some point you're healed and you don't need them anymore but the problem is the only way to really know is if you just get off it and run on it and then you're like oh fuck i'm still hurt yeah and during that get off and run on it time is when your suicidal thoughts shoot up if they were going to so when they do wean you off, they're like, you need to keep up with me. Like anything you get, you need to call me immediately. We'll get you right back on. What was interesting with you

is your weaning off coincided with huge success in your career. Yeah, I got off on, I know where I got off on, it was my second apartment in New York. So this was three and a half years ago, four years ago, maybe around there. So this is not happening. Is it already on Comedy Central?

Mm-hmm. Things are going great. Things are going good. Your tour is kicking ass. Yeah. Everything's great. And then you- I released my first hour and then my second hour.

Yeah. And you were a legit success. Yeah. You were on billboards. Everything I dreamed of was getting. You were on billboards. Yeah. But beyond that, I was a, I mean, more importantly, I was a legit success. Yeah. Everything I dreamed up was getting. You were on billboards. Yeah. But beyond that, I was a, I mean, more importantly, I was a working comic.

I was like, oh, I can make a real living at this now for the first time. So that was like the best part. Yeah. And that hadn't been going on very long. Right. Well, it was a hard, it's a fucking, people don't know. People don't know. It's a fucking crazy struggle.

The struggle from open mic-er to successful working comedian. And everybody's different. Everybody's got their own weirdness that they have to overcome. Yeah. But it's a long-ass bloody struggle. That's right. By the way, that's why I hate this infighting in comedy. It's terrible.

When it's like, you're doing this wrong. You're doing this wrong. It's like, guys, we're all up against the most monumental odds. So you write safe, safe show jokes. And this guy writes dick jokes. It's like, whatever. That's just like predispositions.

But like, it's hard. We're all in the same boat. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. I agree, man.

And, and that, that it didn't, it's very rarely been the case in the history of comedy that everybody kind of got along and just accepted the fact that everybody does things differently and not make, don't make a big deal out of it yeah we have to have factions inside of our yeah it's okay if you want to have a safe space show i get it people don't want to hear shit like that it's okay have your show have your black night that's fine too have everything people just everyone's defensive everyone wants to hold their ground and stand

up for their position on things it's like okay you're gonna be fine everyone's gonna be fine it's the best time to be a best time ever just kick ass just keep writing just go out there and do it um yeah and then it got better but a lot of that was the focus i was able to get because of these it was uh no no not well butch i try well butch and the problem is some of these pills like the side effects are not worth it so what i tell people like someone had a problem once of like anxiety um yusuf i don't care about this shit it's nick yusuf and um and uh he's right now planning on bombing out of embassy um and it was like he didn't want to go on it because he's afraid it would make him like a zombie and i'm'm like, okay, if it does, just go back off it. You don't have to commit forever.

You know what I mean? Just see what the effects are. So on, I think, Wellbutrin, I couldn't come. It was frustrating. And I wouldn't even say it was any sort of psychopneumatic thing because I didn't know about that as a side effect until that was happening with my girlfriend at the time. And I was like, what the fuck? It was like three times in a row. I was like, it just couldn't come. And then she was like, oh, maybe it's those. And I was like, what the fuck? It was like three times in a row. It just couldn't come.

And then she was like, oh, maybe it's those pills. I'm like, why, really? And then I looked. I was like, oh, yeah. Fucking annoying. It's an annoying thing. That's super annoying. There was this one called Remeron.

Think about how many circuits there are. So much in there. So much in there. And I'll think of something that gets in there and fixes this. I'm want to take that away that cum thing it's like you edit your own computer code like by taking those it's almost like you edit your own op remember when you have a pc you get into dos defrag it do shit yeah that's almost like what you're doing so the side effect on remeron and these side effects don't hit everybody the same and what you're looking to fill in isn't all the same so don't just get what somebody else gets you got to talk to a therapist but like remeron gave me hyperphagia oh which is the inability to be feel full

so they said expect to gain 15 of your body weight uh and i could eat dude if i got high i could eat like eight plates of spaghetti. I mean, I would eat out my whole apartment. Holy shit. Everything. It got to the point where I was like, well, I got one bagel left, some peanut butter, and a little bit of Cheerios. And fucking let's do this. It was glorious.

But it wasn't helping me. That was a problem. That was a side effect because I was thin then. I could have dealt with. I could be 15 pounds overweight instead of 10 pounds underweight. But it didn't help me mentally. So then it's like, fuck.

Um, and then I finally got on one to super mean that was like, then it worked. I was like, boom, I'm out. I get it. I'm free now a little bit.

Um, but low blood pressure. So sometimes I stayed up, I got to hold on to something and like, it's not fucking faint, but barely ever happens. Totally worth it. Hmm. And that still happens now when I get high, I got to hold on to something. And like, it's not fucking faint, but barely ever happens. Totally worth it. And that still happens now when I get high.

But like. Do you get like dizzy? Lightheaded. Yeah. I stand up. I'm like, oh, hold on. You got to get real high for that to happen. Yeah.

Or early or something like that. Or if I'm getting sick, that'll happen. But I used to get that in high school too. I think I'm already predisposed to it, but they made it a little worse. Not a big deal though. So I finally found the one that worked for me but it's hard and if you're not having it

your brain is lying to you or it's giving you a version of reality that's like I mean I saw this last night coming home from the airport from Burbank airport and some lady picked up in an Uber picked up a guy on the wrong side of the fence

and she's sorry it's my first time here but like it's one of those little fences you can just step over almost you know and he's like well everyone else is going here and she's like yeah sorry it's my first time at the burbeck airport i can and you could walk 10 seconds to where it's an opening and he's like pop the trunk pop the trunk please and i'm like oh you're cranky from flying i know what that is yeah and so your version of this reality is this is a way worse thing than it really is yeah steve simone who never gets upset which is like no big deal i'll just come around yeah and then it's over yeah it's the same thing with talking to fit simmons like you can just not

punch somebody and then forget about it yeah but you know if you're if you're thinking that angrily all the time it's really affects you and this shit makes you think the worst of everything wow it's like yeah no matter what it is it's a little worse than it should be that's an interesting way of looking at it yeah and it just gets tiring after a while and the suicidal thoughts start happening when you're like i can't do this anymore you know is it it's effort it's mental effort to just like oh it just keeps it's like you got a rock on you that you're pulling up pushing off you at all times and you just need the game to be over you just need a sleep theo vaughn used to have a bit about i think he probably did a special or

something by now but it was like you ever want that deep sleep that deep sleep like that's what it is where you just want to sleep forever you just weighed down by it all the time yeah it's like you know how they used to like um get people to give false confessions by just keeping them awake for like 30 straight hours yeah until eventually like they don't know how to say no the fine i did it and stuff they didn't do they weren't anywhere near it yeah but they're just saying yes i murdered somebody let me sleep it's just a version of that you know where you're like, you're just so sick of it after a while. Oh, I will tell you that they, I have read about it and they say the people who talk about suicide are sort of different than the people who are thinking about it quietly.

Thinking quietly is way, way more often to commit it. I think they say the people talking about it as a way to seek help so what can you do the question was what could you do to help people is there anything that anybody could have done no it used to make me mad when you told me just get out of bed do some exercise i was like i was like you don't get it you don't get it i definitely don't get it yeah chandra understood it once she was like talking about that she was like he doesn't understand you can't even go to your fridge like exercise is not even it's just so far from like no way like it couldn't even get out of bed

what do you think was you were also taking propitia then do you think it had anything to do with it because it's one of the side do with it? It might have, man. For sure might have. I mean, it was right around then. And I'm trying to think if I was quitting right then on it and switching to the fucking spread. Come on, stem cell research. Or what?

But I think it was either on it or getting off it. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Could have had something to do with that. Yeah. I think it was either on it or, or, or getting off it. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Could have had something to do with that. Yeah. I think so too. It was also, um, a live-in girl. I mean, there was so many things right around that. So all it takes is a sprain. So like, here's a weird thing. Let's say you lost your job and that sends you into depression. It's not that it's not related to something. A lot of times it will be related to something. A mom dies, a dad dies, but let's say the job situation,

because you can change this. Your dad dies, you'll never get him back. It feels bad, and so it should feel bad. You lose your job, you go into depression. But now you get a better job. You know what I mean? Not that you will, but let's just say you did. The depression remains.

The cause of the depression is necessarily gone. You're doing better than the thing that made you did. The depression remains. The cause of the depression is necessarily gone. You're doing better than the thing that made you depressed. But you're still depressed. Because that brain is sprained. Oh. So you need a way to fight it. And pills don't work for everybody. So it's fucking disheartening.

And getting the right pill. I had a therapist say, well, I was like, this one pill's not working. She goes, well, I don't know what to tell you. And I was like, and in my head, I was just like was just like okay i accept it i'll work up the courage eventually and that'll be the end of it i was like well i'm not gonna fight you on it i don't want to fight this in the first place it's not gonna work oh she was the worst what was it like to get pulled out of the clouds like when the pills that you took started working at first it it's like you don't trust that it's gone it's like right when the hiccups leave you still feel like you have the hiccups right you know

but like a way longer version of that and then what happens weird is you start to miss it because it became so much of your reality and who you were that like it's this thing that's been pulled away from you a part of you is gone so it's weird that you like miss this horrible way of being um because you had to figure out a way to like make a positive in this and you see this a lot in like pc culture we start sort of not bragging about your victimization of the things that have happened to you but like it's a way to stand out and be a special so you end up propping the the negative up instead of instead of saying yeah that was shitty you know you start almost like bragging about it um so you start feeling like well at least i'm

different so that can prop you up well, at least I'm different. So that can prop you up a little, at least I'm unique in this thing of like, it doesn't seem like anyone else is having these suicidal thoughts. You know? It's almost like if you're the only one into a band, you feel better than if everyone else into that same band, the band is the album is the album,

but you like it more because you're the only one. Right. Right. You start noticing your own uniqueness. It's like like so maybe it was that i'm not really sure but when i was out of it i was missing it a little bit and then followed by a fear that it's going to come back because regular okay it's a terrible word depression because it also means just i'm depressed today right clinical depression is different but overlaps you know it doesn't just go away. Right. If I'm depressed because I'm cranky, I got to tell myself, don't be cranky.

Say five things you're thankful for. You should be out of it. Get some sunshine. You're fine. This is like deeper. So like, then when you do get depressed, like, let's just say I haven't been outside all day. It's been raining for two straight days.

You know, you're just a little like blue. You're like, oh, fuck. Is it back? You know? And then when it's gone in a day like oh my god but when it's like two days like fuck fuck fuck don't come back wow yeah but the so a bad like a bad weather day could set it off a little bit no that just gives like the normal depression that everybody gets right that's i think there really should be two separate terms. Feeling blue. Feeling blue.

Yeah. Which you get. If I haven't been on stage in four days, I feel a little blue. If I haven't got my underwear out all day. That's why you can't live in Vancouver. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, those people get depressed. They don't get outside in Seattle.

They don't get outside. Well, they get outside, but they get rained on. Yeah, so it's just like, you're just feeling down. I remember Duncan and I were filming something up there when we were doing that Bigfoot episode. And we were talking to this guy who was a cop who was like the security guy for the set. And he was like, dude, it fucking wears on you. He was at the end of the rainy season. It was just starting to get warm again.

It wears on you. My first New York winter was this one. And it wasn't so much middle of March. But I was like, whatever. I could take it. I took the winter. It was middle of April. Where I'm like, enough already.

I put in the three or four months. You could do what you want, though. What? The thing is, you could do what you want. You could leave. Yeah, I could leave. I went skiing a lot. I did 16 days of skiing this year.

There you go. Did that around road dates. That's what's crazy about like somewhere like Denver. Like it's sunny. Sunny. It's great. It's great. It's so much better when it's sunny.

It's cold out, but it's sunny. Like if you have to pick warm and cloudy all the time or cold and sunny, I take cold and sunny all day long. Yeah, for sure. All day long. For sure. Sunny, sunny. Yeah.

I'm skiing outside in the sun when it's like, oh, it's great. It's 25 degrees, but it's beautiful. Even walking around. Yeah, it's like oh it's 25 degrees but it's just beautiful even walking around yeah it's brisk out but look how pretty the sky is blue blue sky and fluffy clouds did you know anthony bourdain was was depressed no i heard with him a little it was a mixture of mixing drugs mixing pills and alcohol it whatever i believe he was on some sort of malaria medication which is dangerous give some people um gets people violent people get violent i've seen people on malaria medication while they were drinking and uh i had to hold a guy back from attacking a reporter or i was at least worried about him attacking a reporter once there's a friend of

mine it's a very kind friend of mine who I don't think would ever in normal life attack a person physically. And it seemed like he was about to attack someone. So it makes you think not even normal. He was squirrely. He had to go to Africa. He had a visit somewhere in Africa

and he had to take these pills. And some of them have violent reactions to people. You're not supposed to drink on them, first of all. And he was drinking. It's mixing. Yeah. And, you know, if that's what he was doing and he's mixing that with alcohol, who fucking knows?

So that could have happened with Bourdain where it might not have been long-term depression. But I know there's studies on people who got a concussion in football practice and then hung themselves that night. Oh, yeah. With no history of it. But right then everything,

I mean, it's almost like you're on psychedelics where this new reality is real, feels real. So I, the question is, is there something you could have done? I don't know. I don't know what the right,

I've thought about it. I don't know what the right thing is. Cause you, you push away people's help. Right. I saw somebody posts on facebook once where it was like one of the worst things about depression is everybody going yeah i've been through that too it's like now i'm not even unique you know give me my props for my individual stuff yeah so then

it's like you want to help by somebody saying yeah i've been through this but it's like it's not even helping them but like and who the fuck knows what they're feeling right that's the other thing about a person's feelings what they're feeling it's very personal it's almost impossible to describe oh by the way i had moderate depression that's what that therapist said what you saw was moderate depression jesus i don't know what severe depression looks like jesus so i don't know man i don't know i lost somebody too and i don't know if i could have like said something or or like you know um anthony liked to drink he drank a lot yeah and uh watching him over the last four years like you could see

he seemed like he had been living a hard life you know like you looked like it on television too he's been living a hard life i mean he was out there hitting it traveling from country to country constantly drinking constantly alcohol is a depressant i mean it just is if you drink alcohol all the time you're not going to come out of it with a sunny disposition it is a depressant i mean you can definitely do it and pull it off and we do and you know occasionally you'll have a couple of drinks and then the next day you won't but if you're doing that all the time if you're doing it every day if you're doing it five days a week a lot of people use that because it's a short-term relief from depression long-term depressant so a lot of people use alcoholism to cover up the depression and then

when they get clean suddenly all the shit they're supposed to have been dealing with is now still there and not being covered up by alcohol. Yeah. There's like a fun that comes with a couple of drinks. Absolutely, it's fun. Let's stop worrying. I wish I could do that with cigarettes when everybody's smoking. I'll go right back to a pack.

Do you think like, fuck, what could I have done? No, because I wasn't close enough to him. And I wasn't there. If I was there, I would be tortured by it. If I was there and I was hanging out with him and it happened in his hotel that night, I would have been tortured by it. I would have done with anybody.

It's just such a crazy decision to make the decision to just stop living when so many people loved you and you have this crazy life that, uh, it's the bravest, the bravest thing to me. Yeah. I can't imagine something it's it's, that's the only thing that held me back is just the lack of courage to be like, just do it. And it's like, but stop and think about it. DNA is telling you, but stop and think about you, what you've from not doing that. You become wildly successful. Yeah. Yeah.

And way happier. And you're, you're having a great fucking time. I'm having a great time, dude. I am the architect of my own happiness and it is fucking, I'm doing it. Well,

you're doing it the way you're supposed to do it, but you're, you know, you've been doing it like this for several years now. And if you, I guess it really doesn't matter in the end. But if you end your own life, you'd have never experienced all this. True.

But if you had to go back and do it again. It's interesting. You were at like a tipping point, man. You're at this weird tipping point. And you just went that way and you're free. Just took a while. It was definitely a struggle. But you were free.

I find when talking to comics, other comics, because now I feel a little guilty for success around people that are also quite funny who don't have it. And what I found is that you get this frustrating point right around 8, 9, 10, 12 years of comedy where your skills have gotten better and your monetary career has not gotten better. So your artistic career is booming and then you're just not even making a living and it's the most frustrating because like I'm finally good.

At open mic level, if I could make a good joke, that's a win on its own. I made a good joke tonight, this week, or one time this month, you know? But like there, it's like I'm doing so well on stage, I'm killing. Why am I still working this day job? Why am I not even ever on TV? Why am I, you know but like there it's like i'm doing so well on stage i'm killing why am i why am i still

working this day job why am i not even ever on tv why am i you know and it's real frustrating might have been around that time too i was getting frustrated with like you know i was less hacky but also just not succeeding yeah isn't it interesting how the internet's changed everything or for you can support people so much easier before it was like you had the man show you could hire a writer and that's it that's the only help you could do for someone yeah you know take a couple people on the road with you yeah but now it's like hey go watch this guy's show hey hey this guy's got a new special hey check out so and so's got a new book you know changes everything yeah and people are like

oh and it's literally no skin off your back yeah it's like whatever well it's great actually it's good like I if Tom Papa asked me

to promote something he's doing I want people to go see him it's good it's good for me I want him to do good because I like listening to him I like watching him

so I want him to make more comedy oh yeah then you win because I get to see you more. I get to see a lot of comedy. Yeah. Good person gets to stay in it.

Not that he needs us, but I, and also with Tom, when you tell people about someone who's really funny, whether it's you or whoever it is, then they trust you. They go, I went to see that guy.

He's a fucking hilarious. It's the best. They know that you're telling the truth. Like if I tell them, Hey, Joey Diaz, the funniest guy that's ever lived, and you go see him at the Ice House one night and come out of it, you're bleeding from your internal bruising

from laughing. I love guaranteeing people on Twitter or whatever. It's like, you don't know. I guarantee you will have a great night. This is someone who's an awesome comic. There's no like, oh, my friend. It's like, just, they'll be great. Yeah.

There's people that you could do that with but yeah there was not you know before i was like you got on the tonight show you know he did a set that's 12 times you got on letterman people talked about you had to build up places you had to travel to places all the time so those people would come back yeah every time they came back you better have some new shit dude i really gotta think about it i'm like when you start seeing that depression of people like what can you what can i do anybody do is there anything anybody could do it's like just a little bit like being there for you sometimes is like helpful just be like hey man you're just

you're a good friend i know you're going through something but just know that i like you just like a little bit and don't require anything of them but i guess everybody'd be different too but like i don't know i don't know everybody's on a different trip that's the thing it's like no one knows what anyone is feeling telling somebody to get over it is not the way to do it that's that ain't gonna help the tough love thing is like that doesn't work that works for fucking nothing i don't know what it works for but not that it works for lazy people yeah exactly i don't think it works for them i don't even think it works for them i think that gets people to move sometimes but it doesn't change the way they think about what they're doing they just get forced into doing yeah yeah yeah you know that's like

the argument well it's actually not like that what i was gonna say but it's it's you you want them to act and so they act because of force of your your will right you're trying to scare them into it yeah but if you inspire someone and say to them listen i know you're looking at it this way but this is why this is going to hurt you by approaching it this way you're going to do the same thing but instead of approaching it the way you're approaching it stop and just for a shift of perspective think about it in a positive way like you could do that to people and sometimes you can actually shift yeah the way they look at something because a lot of times it's the way you're approaching

something that's pissing you off about it right and the way to get through sometimes to people is not to tell them this is the way you should do it but just to paint the picture and let them make their own decision yeah to be like oh so you're happy when you run yeah okay is it is it warm out oh it is okay and you're less happy you don? Yeah. Okay. Is it warm out? Oh, it is? Okay. And you're less happy when you don't run. All right. Well. Instead of like, you got to get out there and run.

I have kids. Or whatever it is. And in raising kids, one of the things that I learned that works really good is anytime they do anything, I tell them, I fucked up way worse than you. I don't use the word fucked up. Right. But I said, whatever you've've done i've messed up way more like i everybody messes up yeah don't worry about it this is a part of being a kid and i'm super proud of you for admitting that you made a mistake or that you did this this is great

because this is how you learn you're not supposed to know everything you're eight years old or you're 10 years old you're you're supposed to be learning learning about life and people are supposed to be talking to you about various things you encounter you're not supposed to already know everything you're a little kid this is great so we learn something that we don't want to do anymore this is great this is an awesome opportunity and nobody i wish somebody talked to me like that and i'll tell them that too i go because i get called stupid and yelled at or whatever whatever the fuck it was when i did something that's how people talk to kids back then they didn't't, you know, it's not even anybody's fault. Someone does something dumb,

you know, in the 1960s or something like that. They threw things at them. You know, like my, my parents would tell me about things flying across the room at them. You know, like people did stop.

They just fucking, they little, the kids were animals back then too. You know, people were different. Yeah. Yeah. So I might be that like something to help helped me i don't know if people are

listening they're going through it or whatever but like some things that have helped that i was able to take was i had one therapist said one good thing where he's like imagine the good things out of the depression yeah instead of looking at his only negative um what's it helped you with and then i was like well i'll try that and i was like i'm looking at my stand-up material more realistically and darker and that's actually helpful on stage he's like all right cool that's one good thing out of this and then it's just like sort of it might just help you like it's not all bad adjust the way you approach it yeah another thing was say five things and just in the shower whenever you do shower say five things out loud that you're thankful for. Doesn't have to be monumental stuff. Just like it's 75 today. That's good. I got a new bar of

soap. That's cool. My friend John, you know, whatever. I like him. That's cool. I'm glad I have that in my life. Just five things to say it out loud. And then after a while, sometimes that ended up like affecting my mood, you know, instead of because that was the problem was the focus i don't know if i ever told you this focus on negative things yeah so it'd be like a 75 degree day this is the example i use a lot 75 degrees and sunny it's fucking every day in la you know and i would be like instead of going like this is fucking rad it's february you know 12th and i'm fucking in shorts this is great instead of focusing on that this is fucking rad. It's February 12th, and I'm fucking in shorts. This is great.

Instead of focusing on that, I would focus on like, fuck, my car has no gas. I got to fucking go get gas. I hate having to fucking get gas. You got to pull over. And so then I'm only focusing on this fucking one-minute chore that I have to do instead of on all the good stuff. And so you just focus. It just makes you focus on this negative

and you just like can't pull out of it. So anything you can do to like shift the focus to the positive is helpful. Do you know who Tony V is? A standup comic from Boston? Oh yeah. Oh, never heard of him. Very funny guy.

Said something to me once about, he was driving from New York to to boston back and forth like multiple times in a week damn yeah yeah i go dude that's long that's a long ass drive and he goes yeah but i just go zen and i just tell myself this is what i'm doing right now right i just do it yeah and but i thought about that and i go yeah why don't you just do that just say this is what i'm doing right now instead of like going fuck i can't believe I drive this thing so fucking long. What if I fall asleep? How do you make yourself think about it positively?

It's fucking hard. When I told all my normcore people about starting doing commercials, and then they're like, how does it work? And I'm like, you have an agent, give him 10%. Like, well, he doesn't go to the auditions. Don't you hate giving him 10%? Yeah. And you probably got this, too, from people. And you're like, no.

I'm not even thinking like that. It's like, I wouldn't get the auditions without him. Yeah. 10% is nothing compared to what he does. You want a bunch of people. There's people who understand. So it's like, don't focus on that negative shit. Focus on the 90%.

Like, I wasn't even, like Tony V sounds like he was not even thinking like, oh, this is such a sucky thing. Well, he just had a great way of approaching it. Yeah. This is what I'm doing right now. So this is what I'm doing. If you can emulate those people, it's hard to emulate them then it's like it'll help you yeah move the needle a little bit you know so maybe that one day you're like fuck it

this is the the boulder's too hard today maybe if you've got like one nicer thing then you're like i can withstand it if that was the day you were going to commit suicide maybe it'll just like last you through there's a a culture culture of attacking and trying to destroy people today that didn't exist before. That can affect your mood. Yeah. I think we're seeing that with people in the news. The thing about that lady and the little kid, the little eight-year-old, she's calling the cops on him. The thing that bummed me out the most is that they didn't accept her apology.

Yeah, it's like, come on, come on. That's the thing that bummed me out the most. I'm sorry. What she did was gross, for sure. Yeah. But we want people to just suffer forever. Like, the pain that lady must have felt from all those thousands of emails and hate tweets

she got from ratting out that little kid. Yeah. That's enough. It's enough. You don't have to pile on. She knows what she did. She's got it. Yeah, she got it.

She got it. And got it she got it and this is good for everybody that's good for everybody but you know what else is good for everybody forgiveness yeah forgiveness is good

for everybody too and if someone asks yeah just say we forgive you I get it thank you for owning up to it I appreciate it you know you were wrong

so no big deal she fucked up and she probably didn't know she fucked up and she probably was hormonal and she's probably not you know not thinking so good

and the whole thing is bad what happened to the ability to be like alright you said you're sorry it's all bad she should have never done that and who knows if she would have done it

and not even to everybody else she said it to the people like hey one on one I'm sorry I did that that was my bad yeah yeah

you people you gotta gotta let people learn and grow I don't accept your apology also it's like nothing happened to the daughter, right? She didn't get arrested.

This is a creepy experience for the little kid. Yeah. I mean, it really is. I mean, I imagine some. Fuck you,

I don't accept your apology. Fucking pro wrestling size white lady. Remember that old lady after the court trial and she punched that other lady in the face? Oh yeah. That was a good one.

She was like, your daughter didn't. She's like, fuck y'all. Boom. It's like, uh-uh. Right in the face.

I'm not gonna rub it in right now. you're sorry yeah be a positive winner yeah yeah except an apology of the loser yeah man it's just people aren't here for that long and that's where ronda rousey was garbage too and that lady was like hey i'm sorry good fight she's like fuck off get out she talked about my family it's like you're white trash well she's a super winner the problem with those super winners is take it down a notch I'd heard if you lose a game or if Michael Jordan lose a game of pool to you he wouldn't talk to you for like two weeks really that's crazy if you heard that you've heard shit like that right I heard that he wears crazy giant pants just in case someone ever wants to play one-on-one. He could pull those fucking pants off.

He can go. Yeah. Have you heard that rumor? He used to bet with the rest of the team. Yeah. He wears giant ass pants. Used to. Those are pull-away pants.

He's ready to fucking go. He is so competitive. He used to bet with the rest of the team whose bag was going to come out first. Bet like a hundred bucks or a thousand bucks. And then pay the fucking, later pay the people at the airport. Like, hey, when my bag comes, you need to let it come out first. I want to win that fucking bet. Oh, Jesus.

That's fucked up. He rigged the system. Yeah, he was a degenerate gambler or still is. Yeah. With hundreds of millions of dollars, which is a crazy combination. That's why they killed his father. That was the rumor, right? A lot of people say that.

That's so scary if that was true yeah they didn't steal anything from him they just killed him that is so scary people like why don't they kill jordan then because then they don't get their money jesus christ yeah did they ever catch the guy who killed his dad i don't believe they did they did you think they did you guys in jail one somebody was contacting me about this. The guy from jail? No, they've spoken to him in jail about this. Was he a mafia hitman?

Dude, have you watched Wild Wild Country? It's the best. Holy shit. Okay, when you're one or two episodes into that. I'm four episodes in now. Okay, perfect, perfect, perfect. So you can get this. How much of you thinks,

oh, Duncan could start one of these. A thousand million percent. Right, I went through your head. A thousand. It's all peace and happiness and fucking wearing the same shit. It's a great. Dude, I was talking.

I'd be like, these people seem cool. I was talking to my friend Todd and he was like, dude, I wanted to live like that. I wanted to join up. Two episodes in and you're like, yeah, man, what the fuck? This place is awesome.

I'm in. I'll wear red. I'm in. I'll wear red. It was like the first episode of Sons of Anarchy. The opposite way. It looks great.

I am in. They seem like they're happy. They are happy. They're having a good old time. The Duplass brothers made that. Those guys are badass. Yeah. Yeah.

That's an amazing documentary. It's fucking great great the story is so insane while i'm watching i'm like how the fuck did i not know how did i not know about it it was so good that i thought it was a work for a while i was like i think they might be faking this oh god so you see tom brokaw talking about it you're like all right i guess i guess it's what happened i got a friend of mine and his girlfriend's parents were in that group really yeah and they still they still follow that guy's teachings they still believe in him the mogwai osho is that his name how do you say his name what was his name the

mogwai no it wasn't mogwai that's gremlins there's a picture that i had of him that i put up on my instagram page of him holding this white guy's head and this guy's like cumming in his pants. It's one of the freakiest pictures. Pull this up, Jamie. I love it. He's just like, you can have money, you can have nice things. He had 22 fucking Rolls Royces. 22 Rolls. Look at this.

Look at the guy. The guy's like, oh, I'm white. I'm touching you. I'm so white. He's touching both of them at the same time. Left hand on the dude, right hand on the girl. He's like transmitting through them. Through them. Giving them orgasms. Look at him.

He's like, oh. Oh my God. They believed in it, man. Dude, I gotta piss. Go ahead. Go ahead and piss. Have you seen any of this, Jamie? I think I turned it on and fell asleep.

What? How dare you? You believe that shit? Dude, it's fucking amazing man i'm i'm on episode four now and i don't want to give anything away uh in terms of like how it goes down but it literally keeps ramping up and getting more and more fucking insane i i'm like what ari said i can't believe i didn't hear about this how How do we know about Jonestown? Everybody knows don't drink the Kool-Aid. Where was this? This is in Oregon, outside of Antelope, Oregon.

Dude, I can't give too much away, but these people bought a town. They bought the whole town. They got a police force. Dude, they had their own police force. What are the odds that something like that is going on now? It's super low. It's super low because what this is is the government had stepped in and realized that there's some shenanigans going on. And they were essentially – there was no separation of church and state because the church was the state, right? They had a government and police force that was run by the church.

They called it the Peace Force. And the whole cult basically ran the town, except for a few diehards who didn't want to give their houses up. So there were some folks who had been living in Antelope their whole life. They didn't give their houses up. And they're telling the story. They did not care for it. It's fucking amazing, man.

I'm so jealous of you for having not seen the whole thing yet. What about that sex cult in New York? There's another one, right? There's a different one? There's one with the actress that got in trouble. So is that a similar type cult thing? What is the deal with that actress? I don't know.

Do you know what I mean? Did she really recruit people knowing it was a sex cult? I don't know if that's the same thing. Probably not as many people. I don't know much about this sex cult thing with that actress lady. That seems like I'm not getting the whole story. She was branding. They were branding people.

But she was a part of it. She was recruiting people into gay? Allegedly allegedly this is what they're charging her with i feel like there's more to the story than i can tell i don't know man but it's weird that people are so susceptible to cults and that we protect people from cults but don't protect people from religions it's the same shit the only difference is this one guy is banging all these people, and we've got to stop that. It boils down to that a lot. We don't care for the behavior. There was sex crimes.

There was teen trafficking, and there was illegal things that were done in this particular one. From what I've read, I don't know too much about it. But then when you go to that Osho guy and all those folks. It all seemed legal. It seemed, except for church and state. See, the thing is, the church started running the police force oh right remember and they had these guys walking around with fucking you know semi-automatic rifles and high-powered machine guns and shit it was very different it was like okay you've got a

military force that's guarding this religious leader out of that yeah so they have these police people at the compound in the hallways with machine guns these guys are playing assassin and they they are the police force they're not they're not private exactly uh what's it called group exactly i don't want to give any more away i just want everybody and by the way everything i've said is not going to take anything away from it with your girlfriend your boyfriend or your wife or whatever watch with your neighbor watch with somebody together let's just like find somebody be like let's let's watch it. One episode every two days. Let's talk about it.

Oh, it's so fun. I think an independent version of that is in little blips. What goes on with Burning Man? Like this independent little blip of escape of norms of regular society. And these people get there, they wear fucking gas masks and fuck each other and go crazy and do cartwheels in the dirt.

And they hang out together for days on end. a great time and they realize that people and at least in small bursts can establish these communities set up all this temporary art have a great time and everybody's like you know really like like-minded in a lot of ways hanging out in this one place well if that's if people want that the only difference between that and like a full time community is that you would have to figure out a way to get everybody to get along forever. Well, it wouldn't just be a few days. You'd have to like raise kids together,

get your food together, but the food, have other jobs. You have keyboards as a similar to that. Yeah. But if you try to do that today, they would stop you. Or at least it would become a real issue. say if you decided you and duncan got together

and you two decided by 700 acres in oregon yeah and you found some place you could all afford you did a kickstarter and you guys set up a community out there you grew your own food you had your own well and everybody nobody could be married and you could fuck anybody you want this is how we live in okay that's how we live in. And then you just, like, real loosely based rules. Hey, when you eat something, clean up your mess. Giant mess halls filled with people. Yeah.

People have these houses all over this fucking ranch. And you basically established a village. Wow. You just can't go too far. Yeah, but then how would you- You go too far when you start getting money from them. How would you deal with it when someone breaks the real law? Like there's a rape or a murder, you'd have to be like, now we need to call in real cops.

Yeah, you have to call the real cops. The only way to keep it on the- So fine, so do that. Yeah, you'd have to keep it legit. Yeah. Like you'd have to still be under the jurisdiction. You'd have to make friends with the local sheriffs. That's what you'd have to do.

Yeah. Just like, we don't mean any harm, but when we need you, when something happens, we'll call you. But otherwise, we're not going to need you much. Yeah, we're just up here banging each other. Holla. Yeah. Just banging each other like crazy.

It's getting fucking wild up here, son. That's what we do. It's legal, right? It's still legal to fuck in America if I pay taxes? Yeah. So my best buddy's wife can suck on my ball while I'm ass-fucking him? Yeah, that's what they're like. They're into that.

She likes to suck ball right next to the booty hole. I think you'd run into problems. People would decide that you shouldn't be living like that. People get angry. People do that with everything. It's with everything. You're not living the way I live, so I'm not gonna let anyone be into your shit.

Yeah, but it's always like one dude, right, that's running things and fucking everybody. Oh, I'm one of those, yeah. Like these compounds, these sex cults. There's always like a main guy who's running things and oh i'm one of those like these compounds the main cults there's always like a main guy who fucks everybody fucks everybody's wife he's like fuck anybody you want but you probably want to fuck me because i'm the main dude the only way to do it honestly is to do it burning man style this is my point is that burning man style would be no leader no leader yeah no leader so like-minded people no leader and you'd have to fit the problem is charismatic people

could co-op that you'd have these meetings one person takes over like what we need here's some organization next you know he's the king yeah you know that's how people do we're monkeys yeah if we could avoid that though you crave leadership yeah yeah we'd have to somehow or another find a way to not manipulate the way people are pretty. Are they? Yeah, they're not those sex cults, but they are like, everyone has a job. We're all working for, nobody makes money here. Everybody makes 20 bucks a week, whatever it is, you know, room and board is paid for.

And that makes people feel really good. Yeah, you're all doing an equal part. One guy could be running the accounting for the thing. One guy could be, you know, taking eggs. You know, one person takes care of the nursery of the kids but like everyone joins in do you ever see that uh werner herzog movie um life in the taiga it's called uh i think it's either called happiness happiness or happy happiness was a todd solon's movie that was right that was a good we were like, what? Two or three movies that were like the best.

That was crazy. Yeah. It was crazy. I think it's just called Happy. Life in the Taiga. And it's about these people that live in Siberia. They're like trappers and shit. Happy people.

They're like the happiest people on earth. Really? They're all like having a great time laughing. And this is just how they live all the time. Oh, interesting. And all they do is go fishing and hunting and trapping life but they all get together and drink in the in these villages they have fucking dog sleds that are pulling them down the road and they're driving around on jet skis and this is how they live like they live in the fucking tundra dude it's madness out there they raise these dogs wild legs man they were the they were the

happiest in that show exactly right there's there's a lesson in there you know i went to that cave where egret fucked john snow did you yeah you can't swim in it anymore because it's uh there's a fissure that broke it was too hot i thought about jacking off and there was people around that would be a thing to do yeah if you want to get arrested for something that's the thing to do you're like hey i'm a fan I'm a fan I'm a loud I'm a real fan I'm a real fan

I've read the books I know where I'm supposed to come I'm sick Icarate Icarate Yeah Mmm You just get Osho to touch your head

Hey you know what I was thinking When I was in the bathroom What was that cave No What is that cave That's some waterfall That's just some cave He's just showing us pretty images

It's in Iceland Jamie's Jamie's high as fuck He's just showing us pretty images. It's an Iceland TV Jamie's eyes fuck over there to show that We gonna say how did you guys feel when I was going through all that like what was the effect on you guys? I was very nervous. Yeah, I was very nervous about you Cuz I don't I Didn't know what to do and I knew i could do i knew i could help you financially yeah i knew i could do that so i did that immediately but i didn't know what to do i don't i didn't i didn't know what it feels like and i didn't know what would be the path to take

but when you offered that you were having problems with your psychiatrist and the medication and i said okay well let me let me get a hold of matt who i know will know the right people yeah i think you're like why don't you see something i see people they don't tell me anything yeah you were like oh i it's like you were you're such a non-complainer that i knew when i always tell people this story we're playing pool and ari's limping around the table i'm like what the fuck happened to your leg, man? Fucking spider bite or something. I go, what? Let me see your fucking leg.

And he pulls his pants up. I go, dude, you got to go to the hospital right now. You have a very bad staph infection and this could fucking kill you. And you're like, come on, you're joking. I'm like, I start unscrewing my cue. I'm like, we're going to the hospital now. It was so bad. But the fact that you're so stoic, you never complained once while you have this gigantic puss-filled sack on your knee.

It was horrible, man. Someone posted the Jew clam video, and he was like, do you know that's there? And he's like, ah, it's bugging you, not me. What? bugging you not me what so when you were when you were telling me that you were doing bad and it wasn't you weren't feeling good and you were you were telling me you were suicidal i was like okay stop we gotta now this is we're gonna figure this out you know i don't know what to do yeah we're gonna figure this out it made me nervous Cause I was nervous that I wasn't going to be there when you needed me to be there. And you know, and you, I would just, I would just get the call.

Just get the call. Yeah. I mean, as a friend, that's the last thing you want to do is have some situation where you feel like maybe you could have called them and you could have made them feel better and you, they would have just gotten over that hump and you they would have just gotten over that hump yeah and then they would have been okay like you became okay man i mean you were my most depressed friend and now you're probably one of my happiest friends even after i started seeing that guy it still took months yeah before finding the right pill and the right dosage and then he would talk to me every like 30 days or whatever it was yeah i remember you describing the process and one of the things that was disconcerting to me was how random it seemed to be.

What do you mean? Which pills they chose. That's really random. It's like they're guessing. That's what seemed insane to me. I felt like if you, like say, you know, you had an infection, they know which antibiotic works best on that infection,

boom, they give it to you. Yeah. But this one wasn't that cut and dry. It was, they were just trying stuff out on you. Yeah, it's like, oh, you need ibuprofen, you have an inflamed thing, it'll take it down. But they know generally. Yeah. Yeah, this is like, from what I gather, there's two things could be wrong with you.

You either have too much dopamine, too little dopamine, too much something else, or too little something else. Huh. too little something else. And so each of these pills, I think they're into two categories or four categories, and they either affect your dopamine or they affect the other thing. Either limit it or push more in. And then the other, so they don't know which one's doing it to you first. And then once they narrow that down, they got to decide if it's like getting too much of it or too little. I don't know.

If you're bipolar, it's a separate thing. They're just guessing. And then while you take this shit, you've added the horrible feelings and then added some awful side effect. And it's like, ah! This is one of the things that I really wanted to point out when Roseanne was going to come on.

I wanted to really talk about medication and how we're asking this really, you know, she's an elderly woman. Yeah. Who's taking an incredible amount of medication. She's taking a lot of shit. She takes Ambien every night. She's drinking. She's smoking pot and she's on a host of meds.

And these things are all doing battle in her head. And, you know, she barely knows what the fuck she's saying some of the times she's saying it. She's in ambient hazes in and out of it. And she's open about it. You know, she's like, I need to get them to adjust my meds. But everybody's just attacking her like she can never recover. So you can feel righteous. But it's weird because Roseanne was such at the forefront of putting on like homosexuals into mainstream media you know she didn't give a shit

and suddenly it's like nah it's all gone from a joke and people like she wasn't joking like for sure she was joking whether or not you think she should have used those words and by the way that lady does look fucking jewish as shit that she was talking about yeah but like to say it's not a joke let me just explain to everybody as a professional comedian, as an expert in this, when someone says, this person looks like a mixture of this and this, that is joke form.

That's a pure joke. That's what that is. You see that over and over again. You see this person looks like this mixed with this. This guy has a work ethic of this mixed with this. That's a joke form. That's clearly a joke. Yeah.

To say it's racist, whatever. But to say it's not a joke, you're being ridiculous. Yeah, it's obviously a joke. It's just you can't say that joke. That's what we're saying. Yeah. It's like it's not a joke

because you can't say that joke. Yeah. It's definitely a joke. But if she was black, she'd be able to say that joke easy. Like if Miss Pat said that joke instead of Roseanne, everybody would be like, bah ah she does look the planet roseanne anyway from her fucking conservativeness yes and well she's also nutty as squirrel shit she just is and she she likes to go

on twitter and talk crazy stuff and she had apologized tweeting 200 times a day george soros for calling him a nazi and like so much and still continues to tweet she's tweeting like crazy it's all insane man you gotta you gotta if you do a network thing they gotta they gotta your friends gotta take away your twitter and face all that shit like hey you just can't use this they're gonna get you on something you just can't well you have you got a hundred people working on that set they all them actually they're gonna switch over to they're gonna call it some new show now right the conners but by the way The Conners. But by the way, I don't think they should have. They're doing that?

Yeah, I don't think they should have fired her. I really don't. I don't think so either. I think you've got to let her apologize and she explains herself and you realize who she is. And she's not a terrible person. She's not. It's so easy to put somebody as one action.

This is something, I read a biography of her conversations with Aung San Suu Kyi, a Myanmar leader that was like house arrest for 20 years. She won a Nobel Peace Prize or Nobel Prize for writing. And she was talking about the Burmese army who tortured her, had killed and arrested forever a lot of her colleagues. And it was like, look, they're not all bad. You can't make someone into one of their actions. So she goes, even if you've committed murder,

one of the worst things you can do, that is not who you are. You're just someone who has committed murder. She goes, now there's a certain point where you've done so much murder that you now are really wholly a murderer. But that's very rare.

What's much more common is someone who has killed somebody. They're now no longer that person 20 years later of someone who kills, you know, and to make someone into one of their actions is it's dehumanizing to all of us. It is. And it's also there's targets where people see someone who like as a Roseanne, who's like some sort of cultural icon, and they like to shift it on them and attack them. They like to go after them. When there's been some transgression, they've done something,

which she did do, it upset people. So they want to attack in a really unbalanced way. They want to end it all for her. There's no way you can ever bounce back from this. Yeah, they want to pile on. They want to kick people while they're down

because now it's my chance to kick you. It's a terrible lack of compassion. It comes from two things, I think. One, it comes from a jealousy. There's a natural jealousy that we all have for super successful people.

When they fail, they go, ha ha. Yeah, I knew it. I knew it. And now I have justification to attack you i think there's a little bit of that and i think there's also when people feel like shit they want other people to feel like shit too yeah you know and i think

this is what i think these attacks on people these rabbit attacks it's not coming from you it's not coming from me we're not screaming for the death of Roseanne. And even the people that are legitimately upset. Even the people that aren't really. Most of the people just go, that's fucking bullshit what you did. And then the network hears all these people say that's bullshit.

Yes. You know? I think it's just a symptom of where human beings are today. I think there's so many human beings that are hurting. And so when something comes up, it gives them a legitimate reason to be upset. They just attack it full force.

But what disturbs me is the lack of an overwhelming voice for compassion. The lack of an overwhelming voice of people saying, hey, look, real racism is awful. But this lady who probably did commit real racism by calling the cops on that eight-year-old girl she's just a fucked up person it's like what happens what happens all better to just forgive her what happens are like here's i think there's some mistakes that the left and the right makes when trying to like when there's an emob you know yeah it's they seek to punish over educate they're not looking for to make the person change their opinion. They go, you're ignorant and then they leave it at that.

Probably the thing I got the most flack for in my life was the Amazing Racist videos. I wonder why. Over and over again, new people find it and say, fuck you, you're racist. I have maybe gotten three texts, messages. I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of death threats. I've gotten thousands and thousands of angry, fuck you's, racist, racista, messages. I mean, I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of death threats. I've gotten thousands and thousands of angry fuck yous, racists, racista, whatever.

But maybe only three total. I can really only think of two of people going, hey, just so you know, this is why that hurts me. Because I was an immigrant here. And then when I see stuff like this, it reinforces the feeling that I'm out there. Maybe that's it. Of the thousands and thousands of the other way of fuck you. So you're not really trying to educate anyone or change their opinion. You're really just trying to

lash out. So what is that? Why are we all like that? Because we're unhappy. And you find a target and you got a free shot. You ever see a guy go down in the ghetto? You ever see a fight where a guy goes down in the ghetto and everybody runs in and kicks him in the head? You ever see any of those? There's a gang of those on street fight videos there's a bunch of street

fight videos and some of the craziest ones are in bad neighborhoods where someone gets knocked out and then a bunch of people take free shots on him while he's down and out get a free shot there's a bunch of videos like that there as a person who understands brain trauma it's severely disturbing when i've talked to so many of these neuroscientists about the like all these blunt force impacts on the brain you're seeing a guy who's totally unconscious and they want walk by and soccer kick him in the head while he's totally unconscious just take turns hitting him full blast in the face and a bunch of people do it they stomp them they kick him i mean he's out cold with his pants down. They are kicking him in the head. I don't think people realize

the effects That one of those e rages can have on your psyche And I think when people they see something like the lion guy or the dude who fucking caught the foul ball and Cubs Game or fucking you know Metzger or anything like that. Or this lady with the eight-year-old girl. It comes at you from everything, everywhere. And then the zeitgeist moves on. People kind of move on and think something else. They're still getting hundreds of stuff a day saying, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

It's still happening. And so you all move on like something happened. But everyone who's shit on them a little bit has added to this overwhelming, like this thing you can't get out. I still think matzko's flailing off that shit off he's still trying to defend himself all these fucking attackers from fucking five years ago like three years ago but like you don't just come clean of that so all the people adding like hey fuck you for killing that lion like you've added to their fucking break in psychology yeah it's not an easy thing to get over and you don't see it all but it's so much i mean ren zc stark i called him

and his wife might get offline right now ralphie too when that shit was happening to him it was like you need to give this to someone else because it won't do you any good even if you know you're wrong ren zc apologized to all of us six years earlier. Said, hey, fuck, I'm sorry. I lied. And we all made fun of him. That was over. He didn't need other people going, fuck you. You lied.

Yeah, I know. I already told everybody. I know I was wrong. You don't need 10,000 people telling you that. It doesn't do anything for you when you've already said, yes, I agree. Yeah. You know? They don't care, though.

They just want to get their licks in. Yeah. And it's terrible. They are the cultural equivalent to this bar fight in the ghetto where the guy's knocked out. It's nuts. He hits the freeicks in. Yeah, and it's terrible. They are the cultural equivalent to this bar fight in the ghetto where the guy's knocked out. It's nuts. You hit the free shots in.

They also want you to know they're disappointing you and express their rage at you. I'm unfollowing you. Yeah. All right, just do it. Don't fucking tell, why are you telling me?

What the fuck is wrong with you? That's adorable when I let you know, unfollow. Alex Jones was right. Yeah, it's a nutty time we live in. Yeah, it is a nutty time, and it's a time of outrage.

There's outrage sport out there to be had, and there's legitimate outrage. There's a story that my- Both things are happening. My friend told me about these people in D.C. pulled over on the side of the road, decently busy highway, maybe Sunset Boulevard type thing, but not businesses like that. But it's busy, like let's say three lanes here, three lanes there. They saw these two kids walking home, a 10-year-old and an 8-year-old just on their own, just walking.

And this lady pulled over. She's like, who are you? Where's your parents? And they're like, I don't know. I think they're probably at home. We're not sure. She's like, well, where are you going? She's like, we're going home.

They're like, where are you coming from? They're like, we're coming from the playground. And she was like, no, no, you can't be on your own. And she called the cops and they got them, you know, picked them up and got them to where they lived. And the parents were there and like, what's all this? And they're like, we saw your kids walking alone. And they're like, yeah, for the park, right? And they were like, yeah. They're like, yeah, we taught them how to do that and they're like what do you mean like we

taught them we've walked with them from the park enough times and we taught our kids enough to where we trust that they can come home from the park alone we've taught them how to do that we trust them with it and then people like oh i guess so and there was a split in the story most people read it 90 of the people who read it, go, yes, parents should be allowed to trust when their kids are trained enough to do things. Like driving at 16, that's a parent's decision. 10% of the people were like, no, I wouldn't do that with my kids.

That's fuck them. And those people reached out on Twitter or on Facebook and said, fuck you, you should have your kids taken away from you. And that 10%, even though 90% said, yeah, parents should be able to teach their kids whatever, that 10% means thousands of people coming at you saying you're a horrible teacher. You're a horrible father.

Imagine that if thousands of people say, fuck you, you're a bad father. You're ruining your kids. And it kept happening. It affects you. And they didn't do anything wrong. They did something where 90% of people think, yeah, you're on the right here. And you're still getting all this negativity. It's damaging as shit.

And nobody ever is prepared for that. No one's prepared for it. No one. Agencies should be on the ready to help their client fucking deal with this when it happens. Because it'll happen to almost everybody. You'll have something that'll get blown out of proportion. You got to get offline immediately. Well, do you think that some of it comes from people have this feeling that anybody who is in that sort of a situation where they're clearly wrong is just an open target?

Open target. Fuck them. I can go off on them. Look how easy it is to do a Christianity joke now. Look how hard it was back then. For Scientology, same thing. And South Park broke it up, and now you're like, you're not brave for making fun of Scientology now, or Christianity.

Everybody's doing it. Yeah, that whole brave for making jokes. So fucking easy now. Do that in the 60s. You'll have a problem. Didn't that get exhausting? Brave for telling jokes. How about just be funny?

Yeah. But Tom O'Reilly had a great joke about that. It's already been covered. He goes, I got a great story. He goes, how about just a funny one you made up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. True story, true story. Like, I don't need a true story. How about a good one? Yeah, he goes, I don't a funny one you made up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. True story, true story. Like, I don't need a true story.

How about a good one? Yeah, he goes, I don't need a true story. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what were we just saying? I forget. What were we just saying, Jamie? You forget, too.

God damn it. Fucking marijuana. It's got its side effects. It does have its side effects. It definitely has issues. There's no doubting that. Yeah, we're talking about e-rage. Yeah.

Yeah, Metzger's e-rage was pretty rough. He hasn't gotten out of that yet. Yeah, people... Fuck you, man. Fuck you. I just feel like we're stalled out in our cultural evolution in a way that I feel like we're in these movements of change. And I think I see a lot of positive things, but I don't see nearly enough like friendliness and compassion.

I think we really need more of that as human beings. This is not lasting. You're not going to last. No one's lasting. You know, you're going to die. We're all going to die. We're here for a certain amount of time.

It's not permanent. And while you're here, we can make everything better for everybody just being nicer to each other can be done i mean it's not going to be done so i think but it can be done a little drip yeah i think what you do is got to affect your own life say i can't change it for everybody but what i can do is every time every one of these blogs make me angry just go i probably don't have the whole story on this because that's happened 20 times already oh for sure so then it's like i'm not gonna get mad you know i am gonna i'm sure people are taking

care of this yeah what i'm gonna do is go outside and enjoy some freedoms that i have like a fucking park you know actually enjoy your life instead of letting people fucking take you down this horrible road to hurt them you're hurting yourself yeah and you're wrong or hurting them yeah fucking get out there just leave go call a friend go talk about something yeah it's just a strange time for you know just for expressing anger fuck you you're wrong fuck you fuck yeah fuck you you're wrong we never had like more of an open forum for debating ideas but people have never been more dogmatic and aggressive about their opinions too. And the left gets violent now.

This is a weird thing that didn't used to happen before. You saw Nick DiPaolo get punched in the face by some woman at a show. He's so self-righteous that you feel like- She just had to punch him in the face. He's got a giant black eye. It's like, you can't be violent against someone. And they used to go, well, look who you're, let's say it was like a dice type act. And then some of those people were like hardcore KKK people. Like, look who your fan base is.

And you're like, that's not my fault. I'm not asking them to be there. Well, if you want that logic, some of the people following you guys are pretty fucking shitty. I won't call you on that logic because I'm not a hypocrite. But like, it ain't your fault. But like, they are. Some of them are getting fucking violent now. Yeah.

It's crazy. It's so anti-free speech it's it's so change of information it becomes idea wars and when it becomes idea wars they get this anything necessary by any means necessary mentality and they think that sometimes justify the means there's fucking professors out there have been quoted to saying that they believe in violence when there is no other solution, supporting Antifa and Antifa's disruptive violence and to take away oppressors. This is a big one. This is one that has been coming up lately more often.

Even the ACLU changed its stance on free speech, and they're deeming free speech as something that's not hurtful to someone else. Well, that's not what free speech is. What is the most recent reading about free speech? There was something about the ACLU's stance on free speech. Well, you can't infringe. My belief is you can't infringe on your free speech fine as long as you don't infringe on the rights of someone else.

Right. So you can burn a flag if you want, but you can't burn a flag in my apartment. I think they're shifting it. There's some concern. Right. If you go to what harm is, it's like, are we just like a physical harm or monetary and physical or now we talk about like slight mental harm well if it's racism it's clearly emotional harm mental harm you're damaging someone's psyche if you're dismissing them in a racist way or you're insulting them in a racist

way I think that's one of the things you have to start applying that to white people here's the problem with saying okay so i heard this theory that like what if making fun of white people and dismissing white people because like yeah fuck you white guy you don't know anything's like all right well that's you've just put me into a category super racist human i mean i know you don't like when people do that to you so i don't know why you're using those methods now it doesn't make sense to me well it's the tide coming in and out right the whites owned slaves for so long and it was so fucking oppressive that now as it's shifted back, there's still economic despair in all black neighborhoods because of racist laws and things haven't balanced out yet. So you're allowed to go fuck white people. So you're allowed to say fuck white people until it goes this way and this way and then evens out.

We've got to the point where you're shitting on Christians and I'm not a Christian. I don't care for them, especially Catholics. But like we're shitting on them now. It's like, hey, come don't care for them, especially Catholics. But we're shitting on them now. It's like, hey, come on. Leave them alone. They're honest. All they do is take abuse now. All they're doing is trying to worship their God, and you guys are shitting on them and calling them yokels.

Fucking leave them alone for a minute. They're down. They're down. You got them down. You're now punching down if you want to shit on a Catholic. Yeah, unless they're fucking kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll let them go.

Do whatever you want. Join in. Wait, wait, what? kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what God told him to say? He moved somebody who went on to rape a hundred deaf kids. Yeah. Yeah. Hundred. Yeah. What the fuck, man? You look into that guy's background, Ratzinger, look into, I mean, there's several cases of that.

There's so many, there's documentaries on it. I think Speak No Evil is one of the documentaries of different priests that were just molesting just scores of kids. Damn. Yeah, and they interview the guys. They're monsters. It's so crazy, man.

They were just, that's what they did. That's what everybody did to them. That's what they did and they got away with it forever. Every once in a while someone will point out some Jewish rabbi

that has raped a kid or something like that and say, see, it happens in Judaism too. What is this? ACLU's long-standing commitment to defending speech we hate. Is this recent? Good, that's what they should be doing. This is in response to this. Oh, so

someone's criticism published in the Wall Street Journal is different from those challenges to our work. Her critique is predicated on a fundamental misrepresentation. She falsely accuses the ACLU of having secretly changed its policy regarding free speech and of launching an investigation to determine who leaked the secret, air quotes, leaked and then quotes secret

document that she claims revealed this asserted change in policy. In fact, the ACLU remains fully committed to defending free speech as the document she cites expressly reforms, expressly reforms, um, hashtag fake news. So somebody put out some fake news according to the ACLU. Good. I heard somebody say it's hard to tell. You should, you should not be able to, uh, it was like, I don't know, fucking something. Um, and say once there's violence committed because of your, um, organization, you can no longer say you're not a terrorist organization or you can no longer say you have the right to protest when it causes violence. And then this is on NPR, actually. And then the host was like, OK, so just so you know, though, and they're a liberal group, not crazy, but like liberal.

And the guy was like, just so you know, then they'll apply that same thing to Black Lives Matter. And they're like, what do you mean? Like, well, that guy who killed two cops because of the Black Lives Matter. If you're going to say the followers decide whether or not it's, then we have to outlaw Black Lives Matter. And the guy was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. We can't do that. He's like, all right, well, then you can't say,

Charlottesville people don't have a right to say, go home, kikes. You're taking our jobs. They can say it. It's fine. They can say it. It sucks. They can say it. All of it. You've got to say all of it you can you can roll your eyes and say that guy's an idiot that's your right

you don't stop them from talking because then it keeps going to the point where rap is getting fucking boycotted in america you can't put your shit out it goes it will always go to a point where it'd be super super repressive well if one person who is not doing anything wrong can't speak you've done something wrong yeah you could easily compromise a group too and turn it into a terrorist organization by infiltrating it having someone cause violence and then occupy wall street exactly they would send in some undercover cops to start fistfights and then they get like go home there's fist fights now yeah kids that were hanging around and occupy were saying that they would run into undercover agents and undercover cops all day or the guys they knew were undercover and they're like what the fuck so they're just like being

overwhelmed by people who are lying to them and for the government to keep the peace like this they're like secret covert agents hanging around with these occupy kids yeah you know you ever see one of my favorites is uh when peter schiff who's the the venture capitalist banker genius guy have you ever seen peter schiff he's been on my podcast a few times super wealthy successful business guy and uh he went down to occupy wall street and he said uh i don't know how do you say i'm a multi-millionaire come uh explain to me what i've done wrong or something along those ways all right i i forget what his actual that's fun that's a good troll well it's a great troll because he's a financial genius he understands the markets inside and out they don't

know what the fuck they're talking about and he's's like, look, I employ hundreds of people. I have an enormous business. I make a tremendous amount of capital. Why should you make the same amount of money as me? And he just fucking tortures these people because he speaks at fucking 150 miles an hour and they don't know what they're saying. And it's very comical to watch. And it just shows you how people go into these things

with these idealistic ideas of what they think they're standing for when they don't even have like a framework of what they're against. The policies and the banking and the corporations and capitalism in general. There's so many people that do, but most people don't. Most people that are there, they're there for the ride. We should fix things. Fuck the man, man. We got to fix things.

So Peter Schiff is the man. So he gets out there amongst them with a fucking beautiful $5,000 suit on. Probably cost more than that. He's probably angry. And right now, I mean, you can watch these videos on YouTube. They're hilarious. That's great. I want to talk to him because he set up shop in Puerto Rico right before the hurricanes came and shut all the power off.

He was living in Puerto Rico. Apparently, a lot of shut all the power off. He was living in Puerto Rico. Apparently a lot of people moved to Puerto Rico, a lot of rich people. And now they're like, fuck this. Yeah. Because the taxes there are just like stupid low. My friend lives there. Yeah. Suzy.

Went to college together and she's like, the power, like really in the last month or two just came back on and it's being held on by a Band-Aid and a hurricane is starting soon, hurricane season. Oh, no. It's like, it's just going to happen again. So how long was the power out for? Months and months.

Oh, my God. And they got it back in a few places and then it kept going in other places. People died because of lack of power. No. We ain't doing shit. But it's, what it is,

in the eyes of regular people, like most Americans who are busy with their regular lives, Puerto Rico's not a part of us. Even though it is, yeah. of regular people, like most Americans are busy with their regular lives. Puerto Rico is not a part of us. Even though it is. Yeah. I love when everybody's like, oh, you idiot, Trump. Puerto Rico is part of America.

And I'm like, yeah, you just found this out right now. Well, I knew it was because I used to have a joke about Alaska being a frozen Puerto Rico. Oh, it's not even attached. Like, how is that ours? And how is Hawaii? Our fucking place way over there. But yeah, if all the power goes out in Alaska, we'd keep helping them, right? Would we look at it

differently? They're just not a state. They're not a state. Because Puerto Rico's not a state or because they're Puerto Ricans. That is part of it. They always want to do this, too, and that backlash on things. They want to narrow it down to one possible thing. And it's like, it ain't one possible thing. You have to give it up for all of it. Right. You know? Yes, perhaps it's because they're not white because they're latino ish uh perhaps it's

also mixed in with that it's not a full state i wish i knew enough about finances to ask the question is it possible that the reason why these corporations and these rich dudes want to want to move there and and get such a low uh tax rate that they have to pay is also why they didn't have the money to recover from this infrastructure being down and so that these two might somehow or another be correlated or is it just that the hurricane was so fucking overwhelmingly devastating that it just took forever to fix which one is it because anybody who thinks you don't need government well we have to sit down and talk about how we're going to fix

things. We're going to have to sit down and talk about infrastructure. We're going to have to sit down. What does that mean? No government people are crazy. Today in Puerto Rico, nine months after Hurricane Maria, 2,669 customers still do not have power.

In many cases, these homes where more than one person lives, it may be another month before they get it. We're going to tweet about this until the last customer has power. And this is David Bengaud. B-E-N. Bengaud. B-E-G-N. Bengaud.

B-E-G. Correspondent. David. I'll just read his name. David B-E-G-N-A-U-D. Is he a reporter? Sorry. David. I'm going to just read his name. David BEGNAUD. How is that? BEGNAUD. Is that French?

French. It's real. Oh, L from Louisiana. David BEGNAUD. That's fucking crazy. Two days ago he tweeted. Nine months after the hurricane. And the hurricanes are coming again.

And they're coming. Jesus. Yeah, they're fucked. Sorry, Susie. Didn't that rich dude, Branson, didn't he buy an island that got completely decimated? I think so. I think the whole island got wiped off the face of the map. I think for the first time in like 300 years, no human beings live on that island.

Damn. Dude. What the fuck? Can you imagine living in a place where the sky becomes an angry monster and just rips houses apart? You should have seen some of these fucking torrential rains in East Timor and shit like that. Where it's going like, oh, drop, drop, get to cover now. And if you don't get to cover in a minute, your underwear is soaked. And it is through you.

All your stuff is ruined. Dude. And then it passes in like 30 minutes. Do you remember when we were in Miami? Were you with me when Eddie Bravo was doing a seminar? We drove down from West Palm Beach to Miami. And we had to stop on the highway. Too much.

There was so much rain, all cars stopped on the highway. It was a white wall. It was fucking crazy. And all I could think of is i hope no asshole tries to drive through this 60 is the speed limit i can just fucking go just fucking go i'm on coke that was insane we had to stay put and there was a wall of water around us everywhere we looked fuck man that was insane yeah damn damn that's a crazy thing about this world is that you go to different places and just by whatever spot you're at earthquakes in some places hurricanes and others

no they're losing hundreds and hundreds of houses to the volcano the volcano really i saw the car thing that dude it's i thought it was just like a one-time thing no it's fucking up everything and they say it could go on for months. They have projectiles flying through the air that are like a fucking several hundred pound rock. Oh, God. Hurling through the air and landing on shit and lighting things on fire. What? Yeah.

They're losing houses left and right. They can't stop it. They can't even slow it down. You just have to get out of there. So they just have to evacuate. There's toxic fumes in the air all around where the volcanoes the uh volcanoes are look at it this is a picture which which island you can see it from space oh my god that's it oh my god i'm fucking space bitch look at it what is it the main island the big one wow yeah the big island dude it's huge it's a fucking real problem

wow yeah look at that we'll go to scroll back up to the last one that one right there look at that shit we're looking at this insane ocean beautiful image it's on forbes it's a beautiful image of how green and lush the big island looks beautiful for 90 amazing amazing but this lava is shooting out of it and it's where do people live well there's houses that were houses down there so i saw one thing of it and it's where do people live well there's houses that were houses down there so i saw one thing of it that's a little village right there that all that stuff to the left that little brown shit that's like a little village wow a lot of those houses are done yeah i saw it eat that mustang that must yeah that was cool yeah that mustang

got cooked it was weird it was weird just watching it consume it like that's it nature so much that kind of nature so amazing that people with that's how you get an island yeah exactly that's iceland is all volcanic rock and then just soot had went over the top of it and just stuff grew out of it yeah i mean that is literally how the big island was formed it's being formed right now and you're freaking out you're gonna have extension fucking calm going to have a suspension. Fucking calm down. It's going to be bigger. Yeah. Hawaii's going to be bigger.

Yeah, you got to put some tarp while you're fucking building shit. They have this shit there they call VOG. It's like volcanic smog. Really? Yeah, man. It really fucked with my daughter's head. She gets allergies like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was sneezing and coughing. And I was like, what's the matter? And they said for some people if they have allergies to certain allergies um you can get this vog this weird fucking fog that comes in that's mixed with volcanic volcanic uh either emissions or you know so there's a lot of a lot of the stuff that these people are in danger of is not just the volcano itself but the toxic gas yeah and so some of those gases that leak from the volcano get in the fog and some people are particularly susceptible to it.

Yeah. Remember that European one where everybody was like, all the crops are ruined. Oh yeah. Was that the Iceland one where they, do you know that's the one that was, that was the one that was responsible for that Michael Hastings guy. Do you know Michael Hastings? He's that journalist that they. Responsible for his career?

No, no, no, no. He was over there doing a story on a general for Rolling Stone, and they had the volcano happen, and he couldn't fly home for a long time. So he's over there embedded with these soldiers for a long period of time. And during that time, they got a little loose with him and started being themselves. And some general said some stupid shit about Obama, insulted him in some way. And they got this- The Icelandic general? No, no, no, US general.

Because this guy was doing a story overseas. And as he was doing a story overseas, he got stranded there because of the volcano. Oh, right, because no one could fly over that. So Michael Hastings writes this very bad story about this general and then comes back and the general gets fired. He loses his job and he's like a beloved general and so michael hastings then winds up driving his fucking car

into a tree going 120 miles an hour on sunset and the the fear was that someone had murked him and what they had done is they had hired someone to take over his car because he's got one of them modern Mercedes. So they just hack into it? You can hack into it. You can force those things to drive themselves. You could literally get into the computer and shift the wheel. Hastings found himself on a bus from Paris to Berlin

with McChrystal and his entourage. The visit, which was supposed to take place in two days, turned into a month, during which time Hastings had considerable access to the general. So the big conspiracy theory was that he was murdered. Wow. That was the big conspiracy. Because his car, the engine flew from the car.

I mean, it was like it exploded. Like there was some sort of explosion in there. And then there was also the toxicology examination i'm pretty sure revealed what are you looking for the weed yeah revealed that he was uh on some sort of amphetamine but all writers are on adderall not all of them but a shitload of them right mike lawrence that we're in the cabo festival and um and uh we're smoking pot shitty pot mexican pot and i was like you want something goes no i don't smoke pot i was like why, why don't you, Mike? And he goes, I'm trying to get writing jobs. I don't want to get tested.

I'm like, oh, dude, Hollywood doesn't test writers for drugs. Are you kidding me? He was just starting. He was just starting. I was like, they're all on coke. They don't test for that, bro. That's hilarious. Testing writing jobs.

Can you imagine how shitty the movies would become? Oh, so horrible. They're testing everybody for weed. It would be awful. It's 3.30, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to bring this bad boy to a close. We want to thank you all for tuning in. Why don't you go to rtthegreat.com.

Yeah, go to rtthegreat.com. But I'm doing this hour in Edinburgh. That's kind of what I geared it for, for the last year and a half, to fucking unveil it in Edinburgh. So I've watched them for two times now. I was out there and just kind of got influenced by some of their style of comedy. I think the only problem with their style of comedy is they give up. We've talked about this.

They give up the jokes for the sake of a point or a theme. So I'm very careful not to do that, to make all this shit work on its own in clubs in America. I like how you confidently pronounce the name. Edinburgh? Yeah, you're like Edinburgh. Edinburgh is what a lot of Americans go with. Edinburgh. Edinburgh.

So I'll be there August 2nd through the 26th at the Hive. Tell all your friends from the UK that are going. Goddamn UK people. I'm going to show to check out. Ari Shafir Jew, 6 p.m. every day at the Hive. One more time with the dates, August 2nd. August 2nd through the 26th. That's insane, son. That's 24 days of Ari Shafir Jew, 6pm every day at the Hive. One more time with the dates. August 2nd through the 26th. That's insane, son. That's 24 days of Ari Shafir. That's like Christmas, bitch.

Come out. Enjoy it. Don't sleep. AriTheGreat.com. I would like to point out that I offered Ari a free fanny pack. He would not take it. I said absolutely not. You were so proud. You're like, hey, I have this fanny pack. It helps when you're traveling. You put your keys and your wallet in there and you don't have to hold them. He's like, absolutely not. You were so proud. You're like, hey, I have this fanny pack.

It helps when you're traveling. You put your keys and your wallet in there, and you don't have to hold them. He's like, fuck you. I have a reputation to maintain. I'm free on a lot of stuff. I ain't fanny pack free. I'm fanny pack free, son. That's how I'm rolling.

Okay, we'll be back tomorrow. Who's on tomorrow, Joe Rogan? Hamilton Morris from Vice. We're doing a redo. We did one many, many, many years ago, and we got so high we couldn't talk. Oh, nice. I'm like, I'm here with the drug guy from Vice. We're going deep. We went so deep.

We went so deep, I didn't even know if I was there or not. I wasn't even sure when I was hearing my voice if it was mine. We barely talked. I was close to death. But he's coming back. He's going to be here tomorrow. Hamilton Morris. Duncan Trussell's going to be here.

We've got a lot of people coming. See you soon. Bye-bye. Hamilton Morris Duncan Trussell's gonna be here we got a lot of people coming see you soon bye bye