The Joe Rogan Experience - #1150 - Felipe Esparza

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

Felipe Esparza is an actor and stand up comedian, who won Last Comic Standing in 2010. Check out his podcast called "What's Up Fool?" available on Spotify.

Here we go. Three, two, one. Fucking yeehaw, Felipe. How are you, sir? What's up, fool? Good, man. Thanks for having me. Do you have to say that? I don't know. It seems like it happened. You said, what's up, dude? And then you said, what's up, fool? You corrected yourself. Yeah. I'm slipping.

When you have such a cool saying, like you do, you almost feel compelled to use it. Yeah. It all started like, people in my neighborhood would answer the phone like that. Oh, really? Is that like when you have such a cool saying like you do you almost feel compelled to use it? Yeah It all started like people my neighborhood will answer the phone like that Oh, well, I was dating this girl and I called her up and her brother. That's what a phone. What's up fool? Yeah, it's normal, right? Yeah, that is a Cool Mexican thing to say no probably more like the hood More like the West Coast hoodie West Coast Coast hood, like not necessarily Mexican? South Central. Mexicans and blacks.

Like, we took it from the blacks. Oh, okay. But mostly like West Coast, South Central, East LA, Boyle Heights. Boyle Heights in the house. Yeah, man. The shirt. Yeah. That's a, you know, this is a contentious time for fucking people when it comes to like

Mexicans and Americans with this whole wall thing. Yeah. And I went to go to look at the walls because I went to Mexico, Tijuana. And I was like right at the border of the gate. Like the gate. Right. It's not a wall. It's just a gate.

And across from the gate, they have like eight wall prototypes. Like eight wall prototypes. Like there's one wall that's like it's a wall with cement and it has concrete. Then there's another wall that's different. And then another wall. It's like they have, you know when you go buy tile for your house? Yeah. And they show you all the tiles.

Oh, wow. Those are what the walls are. Like those little Home house. Yeah. And they show you all the tiles. Oh, wow. Those are what the walls are. Like those little Home Depot. Yes. Like a sign, like a placard with different. Wow, look at that. That's it. I was right.

I was there. I was right in front of that. Each one of those, I think it cost $25 million. Each wall. Each one. Each little fake one? Yeah. What?

Someone's getting robbed. There's some contractors right now in New Jersey going, wait, wait, hey, hey, what the fuck? I could do that for 30 grand. Anytime you have a wall, historically, shit goes down, right? People want to get over that wall. It's natural. People want to get out. People want to get out. People want to get out.

People want to get in. You got to have a wall. And here's what the craziest shit about the wall. I'm sure you've seen where it goes into the ocean. Yeah, I was there. Like, how are you going to stop people from going around that? That is the silliest thing ever. That is like having this gigantic huge.

Yeah, there it is the freedom wall that is like having like a gigantic huge impenetrable boundary but on one side there's just like a door yeah that's a door you go right around that i mean it'd be hard to bring all your shit so what happens these guys right there are on the mexico side and those guys over there are on the california side like that over there are on the California side. That is the weirdest shit ever. They play volleyball with each other. Do they?

Yeah. Really? Wow. That's so crazy. They added another piece to that wall right there. So that wall, that's an old wall. See, that's the construction of the wall that I saw now. Yeah.

Wow, man. You can still swim, but as soon as you swim, you know, probably the coast guards will come get you. That is so crazy. Just what a strange,

and people are like, oh, yeah, you don't want a wall? Relax. I haven't said any of that. I'm not saying that. I'm saying just look at this just as a,

use your brain. Just look at this objectively and see how bizarre it is that there's a gigantic physical boundary that keeps certain people from going into a certain area i mean i i think that that one day that has to not be a thing anymore right wouldn't you say it's that is a crazy thing to justify like you can't come to the good spots like the good spots are limited well if they would let people in then there'll be no more no more good spot it'll be just like the bad spots that's the that's the fear and here's the thing man that ain't an uncommon that's not a it's not an imperfect it's not a fear that's not

totally illogical either right like you would be worried if you lived in a sweet place like uh name a city not too many people perfect size boulder colorado yeah boulder's cool yeah i've been there yeah everybody's nice what if a million more people moved into Boulder? Now all of a sudden it's a million, 100,000. You're like, what the fuck? What the fuck is this? You can't go anywhere now. Everybody's rude.

People start getting antsy. The way they drive, they drive faster. That's what happens. More gangs. How do you fix that? That's what we need to fix. Not whether or not there's what happens. More gangs. How do you fix that? That's what we need to fix, not whether or not there's a wall. How do you fix people from getting crazy? I know, man.

Sooner or later, Boulder, Colorado, probably have a subway system to get all those people off the streets. Yeah. Yeah. If they did have a couple million people move there, like bam, start moving shit and setting, it would change radically. That's what happens to places. You get too many people, they just fucking change. It's still strange as fuck to see a wall.

It is, man. Why don't you let them into your house? I'm not saying that. I get it. But it gets so right-wingy, left-wingy about this. They do, man.

What did you just take to comedy? Yeah, all I'm saying is it's weird. It's fucking weird. It seems to be something that should be perhaps reexamined.

This idea of... It's almost like we have weird parents that we have to listen to for our whole life and that those parents are the government i know like when i was when i was a little boy i was living in mexico and um my mother she took time me up to a stump so i won't run away holy shit because i used to follow my dad to work every day. My dad was like, I think he was like a steel worker or something. He worked on a lathe, so he worked with metal all the time. Yeah.

And I would follow him to work every day because I was a bored little kid, I guess. And I would run away every day, and my mom would tie me up to a little street stall with a rope. Wow. I was her pet, basically. Jesus Christ. Holy shit. That's a weird memory. I know, right?

I lived in Mexico for a little while. So I was three or four. Then my dad took off. Do you remember Mexico at all? I remember a bathroom was outside. Like an outhouse. And we had to use a flashlight

to go outside. Wow. I remember mosquitoes everywhere and my mom's family all living in one big ranch with different houses and it was fucking dusty. I mean it was dusty.

I was living in Sinaloa, Mexico. Right. And there used to be a truck that would water the ground every day because it was too dusty. And there was no cement. But then my dad took off to the United States. And we followed him. We were living in Tijuana, Mexico for about two years. Do you remember how you got through?

Yeah. My dad made it through first, started another family, then came and got us. No, bud. That's what I thought. He was gone for a long time, man. And then we were living with my aunt. Her name was Julia, and she lived in Tijuana, Mexico, right next to where that gate is, Colonia 13.

What's up? And we went across with like a coyote, you know, a smuggler. My mom paid him money, and we got in his car. Wow. We crossed. We made it through. I remember we made it through, but there was like a checkpoint back in the day in San Clemente, California.

The California Sheriff's Department was just the county sheriffs. They would randomly stop cars, you know, like too many people in one car. This car is too heavy. So they got us and they put us in like in a holding cell. My mom went one way. We went the other way. Wow. How old were you?

I was probably four maybe or five, I don't remember. But it was three little brothers I have. My little brother was like three, and the other one was one or two. Why would they separate you from your mom? I don't know. I guess that's how they process wetbacks or illegal people. That seems kind of crazy. She went to one way i don't know what um

i don't remember crying or being scared i just know that we were watching cartoons you know wow american cartoons that's all you remember and then they caught us we went back again and they caught us again in another car and we got separated again but this time we were held for a longer time and I remember my aunt when she saw us in Mexico she said ha ha they caught you guys again just jokingly Wow but the third time was like my aunt and my mom came up with this crazy idea because we had brothers no we had cousins in San Ysidro, California. And my mom said,

you know, why don't we just borrow their passports, you know, to cross? And I don't remember this. You know, I just found out recently that's what happened. My brother told me.

My little young brother, we dressed him up like a little girl. Like a full-on little girl, because we had like three passports, and two were boys, one was a girl, and we took straws, I guess. And my mom and my aunt, they forced my little brother to be a little girl. How did they make him look like a girl? They dressed him like a little girl for two weeks just to play around, you know. They gave him a fake name and so and so. And he was playing, you know,

dancing. Noah, Noah. You know, dancing, getting ready, playing with little Barbie dolls. So he was preparing to be a girl. Preparing, bro. De Niro, bro. Wow. Getting ready for that role of his life. Wow. How old was he? He was two at least, or three.

Man, he was young. Whew. Wow. So we crossed, and we made it all the way. And I remember that some other car picked us up. We jumped in another car right away. And then we jumped in another car. And then that car drove us to Southern California.

We were like in Compton somewhere. In Carson. We were in a house that had, it was funny, it was like a hub for illegal immigrants. Like everybody there was going different places. Okay, Juan, you're going to go to St going different places okay juan you're gonna go to st louis this guy you're gonna go to san diego this lady her three kids are gonna go to boyle heights because that's where the father is so that we ended up going to boyle heights um didn't speak no english at all but um i picked up english right away you know

because you're little like watching b Bionic Woman and shit. Six Million Dollar Man. Incredible Hulk. Dukes of Hazzard. So you basically picked it up from TV? Yeah. Really? Them dukes.

But like what kind of like lessons did you take? Lessons what? In English. Oh, none. Zero. When I was in elementary school It was different from now There was no like

Separating these kids Who don't speak Spanish And put them in an English As a second language class I started kindergarten so So you just picked it up I picked it up That is crazy

The teacher never spoke Spanish to us She never said Okay Juan You know what Apple is? Nah it wasn't nothing like that It was like up i picked it up the teacher the teacher never spoke spanish to us she never said um okay juan you're you know what apple is nah it wasn't nothing like that it was like it was like i don't got time for you you're gonna pick it up or not do you think it was because you were you were so young your brain could pick up another language really quickly isn't that what they say like young people their brains pick up languages quicker i think think I picked it up really fast, but just my pronunciation was not there. Right.

Like, I didn't know how to say bionic. I would say b-lion. That kind of makes sense, right? That a part of your brain would really develop and make it real easy to learn a language when it's really young. You know, like, okay, how do I say this? What do I... You, like, give more of a desperation for figuring it out.

But I bet you a little kid that comes from another country like you did, well, you're a perfect example. You learned from TV. That's crazy. So you learned from just talking to people that were around you and television. Television. Nobody's saying, this is how you say this is a pronoun. This is a noun.

This is a verb. No one's telling you any of that. Nobody told me that. But later on, I had a cousin who lived in Santa Paula, and she taught me that stuff. Like, this is how you say this word. Because her and I, we'll play like school together. Yeah. She'll give me assignments.

She'll pretend to be a teacher and a reader. You know what, man? For little kids, that should be fascinating, learning how to speak a language. But for whatever reason, we decide that it's boring. Like learning a language, it's like, oh, it's so much work. I've got to read another book. Yeah, fuck that, dude. Fuck, I'm going to fuck up another book report.

People give you an out. They're like, come on, man, just get Rosetta Stone. I'm like, oh, man. Imagine trying to learn Chinese. Like, what are you saying? I'm going to learn how to read it too? I could read that stuff and say it? How much time would that take?

That would be crazy. I took German in high school for like a whole year, and I got an A in the class, but I didn't learn anything. See, for me, I think everything gets super squirrely with unusual languages that use things other than our letters. As soon as you use things other than our letters, you see Russian, you're like, ah, what the fuck is that? Russian, they have totally different ways of using our letters. Pull up some Russian. Pull up Russian translation. like ways of using our letters pull up some like russian pull up like russian translation like russians have this they got y's in there and x's and t's yeah it's a champ it's such a

powerful language it looks like almost like viking runes or something like that sometimes like braille it's a crazy i don't like it's a crazy looking language. Like another one is Arabic. Arabic's a crazy looking language. Like look at that. What the hell is that, man? What is that? That's something you see in the movie of Indiana Jones. What is that thing that looks like

a spade with a knife through its heart? Yeah, that thing right there. What is that? The Tata Hotel? Right. Yeah, that thing right there. What is that? It looks like it says the Tata Hotel. Right. Look at that. Like, what is that called? Krillic?

They call it Krillic? Okay, look at the language. Like, look at it when you see it written down. Look at that weird double K thing. K left, K east, K... Look at that one. That would be funny.

It looks like a crown. That would be funny to watch Russian Wheel of Fortune. Give me the B that looks like a crown i'll be funny to watch a russian wheel of fortune give me the the b that looks like a six but they have r letters too but they're backwards like look at look at that again this is almost like look how they have r's but they have a backwards capital r what they have a backwards lowercase n, it looks like. That's insane. Like, look at that U, that U with a big dick. What is that? There's a U with a big dick and there's a U with two dicks.

Look at the deal. It looks like a chair. Yeah, this is a fascinating language. R is peace. S is sea. I think if we lived on another planet and we were observing a giant culture that had nuclear power but they all hadn't even agreed on the same language yet we'd be like what are these crazy assholes doing what are they doing they're all speaking different they can't understand each

other they all have nuclear power and they can't understand each other so you're relying on translators and people to speak for you and representatives. I know, man. I watched that movie, Clothing Council, for the first time on mushrooms. Whoa. Man, man. Dude. And you're right about communication.

The communication with the UFOs and the UFO cook thing. Yeah. Didn't they have like a hand thing that they would do with it that was amazing I always wonder like what if like humans always think that they know

what the other person might be saying right but what if the whole time you're like detonating a bomb with each other well the problem is

like what they're saying means different things in different cultures, too. Just on Earth, people just have different styles of living. You can't tell them they're wrong in Africa or they're right in Norwegia. Norwegia. Norwegian.

What is Norway? Norway. How funny is that? In Norwegia. I'm trying to come up with a cold weather. I was in the middle of Icelandeland i should have went with iceland but any place like that these freezing climates who's right who's you know i don't know who's right like in argentina we had a guest on our podcast he said that he said that when they're performing he said that they were spitting at them and he

goes why would they spit at you because how they say we love you in argentina when you're performing like they spit at you i'm like fuck that people do weird shit and they get used to it right how about uh in uh iceland they eat this crazy shark it's like a fermented shark and it's supposed to be disgusting for everybody else but them. Like they love it. It's like a delicacy. It's just

and Bourdain ate it and he said it was disgusting. A bunch of people have eaten it on TV shows and shit and been like what the fuck? What kind of shark is it?

Some kind of fermented shark. Iceland people are some strong fucking people man. Those people are some strong fucking people, man. Those people live in Iceland. Just think about how hardy you have to be. Those are huge, man. I've seen a video of them working out.

Yeah, there's like a disproportionate number of the world's strongest men have come from Iceland. Big-ass pop bunion motherfuckers. Giant motherfuckers. They probably drink a lot of fucking beer, too, huh? Probably drink whatever the fuck they want. Those are Vikings, man. That's what's left over.

That's what's left over the Vikings. Back before guns? Dude, it's like that just ran through villages, man. Pillage motherfuckers. Those are the last remnants. Once people started developing guns, then it became a fair fight. Then it's like, oh, okay. Before that, man, the Vikings showed up.

You were fucksville. That was no bueno. Heavy ass swords, too. Giant swords. If there was an actual country filled with people as big as those strongest men guys, and they decided to just take over. If there was no guns, they'd just take over. That's how it works.

Arrows aren't not good enough. Catapults, not good enough. Start stabbing them in the legs. Yeah. That's a good move. That's always a good move. They're little hyenas, bro. Just wait for the motherfuckers.

What do you think it would be like if everybody spoke the same language? Do you think if the world spoke one language, things would be better? Or would find other shit to hate each other for? I think sooner or later somebody will make up their own language. Yeah, right? You're right. A little slang. Like, we're not going to call him Mike. We're going to call him shithead, okay?

For fun, right? Especially if people get too controlly with the language. Don't say that word. Don't say this word. As soon as people get controlly with the language, let's make our own shit. I was called problematic one time. For what? What'd you do?

I did a show and this lady went on. She goes, oh, he's problematic. He's, what do you say, mass chauvinist, what's that word? Male chauvinist? Yes. Yeah. I just did one joke, but she heard the trigger word, I guess. Right.

That set her off. So I guess she didn't wait for the punchline. I've had that happen. But it's weird. Lady, you should understand. You walked into my show with your friends. They should have just warned you. for the punchline. I've had that happen. But it's weird, like, lady, you should understand, you know, you walked into my show, you know,

with your friends, they should have just warned you that I say words, but you gotta wait for the fucking punchline, bitch. Dad! Yeah, there's a turn coming up here.

Just hang in there. Like, I remember doing this show and I was just talking about my brother coming in and out of prison a lot and they booked me for the show.

It wasn't that much, $200. And I told my friend, this comedian I had worked with named Steve Fly. He's fucking dirty. I told him, please, bro, just be clean for 10 minutes. Please. No surprises, bro. Don't put your pants down. Just a quick eight if you have it.

So he did a quick 850. Solid. Killed it. I went did a quick 850. Solid. Killed it. I went up there. I was doing okay. I started talking about whatever, stretch marks, this and that. Then I said, my brother been in and out of prison a lot. Every time he comes out worse.

The first time, he came out a better thief. The second time, he came out racist. Like total racist. A Mexican guy. And then the third time, he came out racist, like total racist, a Mexican guy. And then the third time, he came out even worse, man. He came out a born-again Christian. And he took my microphone away from me. She didn't wait for the punchline.

Like, he don't steal no more. He blesses himself. You know, and then she just took the microphone away, this fat lady, and she said, that's enough for Mr. Felipe Esparza. That is so crazy they don't let you say that she said

think of how foolish that is to stop you from saying that like this is a problem this is a problem that people have they feel righteous

when you're talking about stand up comedy in particular when you're setting up a joke like that you're taking them for a ride they don't know what you're going to say next.

And it's funny. To pretend that it's not funny because it's talking about a certain subject is just crazy. Because it's not about not being able to talk about subjects. It should be like, if someone has a heinous perspective, like, hey, I don't have a problem if kids get raped and killed, and they start trying to make a joke about that fuck fuck man good luck you're on your own you know you have a obviously heinous perspective but that's not a heinous perspective what you're doing talking about a guy going to jail and getting worse every time he comes out that that's also a reality it is it is a reality and for people to deny that people become hardened criminals

because they've been in the joint three four times the joint what am i living in the 50s come on man that's crazy to deny that but you're in there with fucking criminals and you know you're stuck in a cage of course you're gonna come out worse that's where it's fucked up right it's like nobody's getting any better at doing that no no one ever re-engineers the whole prison system no one ever re-engineers the whole people system and looks and goes why why we just continue to have crime emanate out of these unfortunate areas if you just fix those areas fix that you is it possible that you could have no like extreme poverty on. Is it possible that you could have no extreme poverty on earth?

Is it possible? Do we have enough resources? Does anybody know? Do people think that in order to live the way we live now, that somebody somewhere has to live in extreme poverty? Is that what they think? Or is it just a spot we're stuck at? Is that what they think, or is it just a spot we're stuck at?

Well, I think the only way that would happen if nobody really— it would just be middle class and poor. Then everybody would have something. Yeah. Because right now it's just rich and middle class and poor. The rich would have to give half to the middle class, and the middle class would have to give some of it to the poor. Jesus. Not enough money to go around, sorry.

Yeah, is that real? Like if we had all the resources on us. We don't really need resources. We just need people to volunteer, man. Volunteer for what? To help people. Like, okay, you care about dogs so much. I don't see you working,

putting in eight hours in no shelter, walking these dogs for free. What does it say? Billionaires make so much money last year they could end extreme poverty

seven times Jesus Christ where's the profit in that oh my god that is crazy roughly six out of the seven

the top 500 richest people saw their net worth their net wealth created this year is a staggering 259.4 billion here are the top five richest people who saw massive gains this year is a staggering $259.4 billion.

Here are the top five richest people who saw massive gains this year. Oh, boy. Jeff Bezos, in the house, CEO of Amazon, $35 billion to his net worth this year. Holy shit. I don't know how to say this gentleman's name. Who you call y'all? Evergrande's chairman, background the group $25 billion Yeah these guys They're fucking making

Cash baby What's his name Bernard what Bernard Arnault Look at him Cash baby $24 billion Zuckerberg

Zuckerberg in the house $24 billion Jesus Christ That's a lot of money Woo Yeah there's some But here's the thing man If you're gonna have a game

And I'm not I'm not advocating for capitalism or communism or socialism. I'm not advocating for anything. What I'm going to say, if you're going to have a game, and you're trying to figure out how much of a certain thing, and if you own that thing, you could do way more stuff. You could buy a private jet you can get a big house so what is it what are the what are the steps you have to take in order to get that thing and is there a too much could someone have all of it and everybody else have zero is that possible what if there's like there's no rule that says you have to do something with it

either like you could just collect it all and burn it. But that would be an asshole move. But in every game, there's rules, right? Technically, there's no rule here that says Bezos couldn't just win it. For sure. For sure. No, I'm not saying – what I'm saying is, is it possible that someone could get to a point where they have all the money?

I mean, if this is if we think if they happen before I think JP Morgan had all the money and what did he really? Yes, and I saw that that that documentary the man who built America at one time He held he held a monopoly on all the steel in the world Well one thing that people really resist is if you try to make new money. You know, that's why people are really edgy about Bitcoin.

You know, they're like, hey, what? What the fuck's going on? This is their own real money? They're buying houses with Bitcoin? People are selling houses with Bitcoin. Oh. My imposter to a Bitcoin. Listen, man, in this day and age, with the kind of trust that people have in government, in government decisions when it comes to economics, that Bitcoin stuff, any cryptocurrency stuff becomes more and more interesting to people.

Because they go, these crazy fuckers aren't fixing nothing, man. I grew up in Pico Gardens, Pico Village Housing Projects. A lot of our, my mom didn't have money in the bank at first. Our neighbors didn't have money in the bank, so they started their own little bank. Like, we had this thing called, I don't know how to say it in English, called Condina. We get like, I guess, 10 families that we know. And every week, somebody puts $100 in the pot. So there's 10 of us.

And everybody puts $100 and we all take turns every week collecting the pot. So you and I and him and seven other people, we put in $100, that's $1,000. So this week Joe Rogan gets it. And next week everybody puts in $100 again. And this time he takes it. He gets $1,000. And then the next week I get Rogan gets it. And next week, everybody puts in $100 again. And this time, he takes it. He gets $100,000. And then the next week, I get $1,000. So everybody makes $1,000.

So that would be like the way we used to loan each other out money in the hood. It works out on the honor system. But it works out. It never works out. It never fails because usually, like, if one guy doesn't want to pay, something will happen. It'll look bad on his family in Mexico or we'll go hunt that fool down. But I used to do that. I used to be the guy that used to collect all the money from these people. When I was a little boy, I was like 12, 13 years old, walking in a neighborhood with $1,000 in cash and passing it to this house.

But no one knew this, but this is how money marketing worked in the neighborhood. Wow. Everybody was borrowing from somebody. Because no one was going to loan $1,000. Right. Dude, that's interesting, man. That's a really cool way to handle it. That's a cool game, like a social game that everybody's playing with each other. That's really cool way to handle it that's a cool game like a social game that

everybody's playing with each other that's a cool way to do it i'm not i'm comics could do it if they got together oh fuck yeah you can't pay a rent okay let's fight 10 people put in a hundred dollars each that's a great idea man that's a great idea and just pass it around that's a fucking great idea man that's like something that. That's a fucking great idea, man. That's like something, that's a social security that you'd be happy to contribute to. Yes. Get a group of your friends and do that. That's super smart.

Because then you get these little bursts of a big chunk of money. Yes. Yeah, man. I like it. That's a social thing, too, right? I don't know who came up with it, but that's the thing we had. But it's cool, like a cool social thing. You know, it's something that keeps people communicating with each other and talking about shit and getting excited about it.

That's badass, man. My mom was a hustler, man. My mom sold, we used to go to, because I live in Boyle Heights and we're next to downtown LA, and there's so many fucking factories. And my mom knew, she used to know where everything was. We used to go to this one factory, and this trash can would throw, in a trash can, like in a bin, there was nothing but synthetic cotton. So it was like this fake cotton made out of plastic. We used to take it out of the trash and put it in hefty bags.

Then my mom would go home, and my mom would sew them into pillowcases, and we'd sew pillows. Wow. That's hilarious. Dude, you had a crazy life. You know? I couldn't imagine it's a hustle man

how did the little boy do pretending to be the little girl how did he do he's gay now bro he was sucked into it do you think

do you think that he would have been gay either way you never know is it possible he like Daisy Deuce wow Do you think that he would have been gay either way? You never know. Is it possible that you could turn... He liked Daisy Dukes. Wow. Maybe he was just gay.

Maybe that's why they chose him. My brother, I had this joke, I had this story for many, many years, but I didn't know how to put it out there. Then my brother, he told me, hey, you do that joke about how we crossed the border and my mom made me dress up like a little girl. I said, are you sure, man? Because people are going to call you and ask you if that really happened. So what? So, yeah, I did it.

He didn't care. And his husband was surprised. My brother married to this city planner. Oh, really? Yeah. That's hilarious. But it's crazy, you know, Joe, like how naive, you know, parents can be

because my brother came out being a homosexual and my mom still goes, Por que? Why? And my father still goes, why? And my father too. Why? Why? Like,

right. You can't figure it out. Motherfucker. You just look like a little girl. And it was too asshole. Do you think that's possible? Maybe. Do you think it's,

here's the thing. It was destined. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. It might, it might be, but Pete, there is a possibility

that uh you know people are malleable you can kind of steer them in different ways the question is are those ways good or bad you know it's if he's happy and he's gay and he became gay because he dressed him up as a little girl if you you really truly care about gay people, does that bother you? It's a weird question, right? It's like, well, man, I don't know. Do you firmly believe in equality of sexual orientation? If you firmly believe in total equality, you should have no issue with someone turning a little boy gay.

I mean, really. But then there's the thing like, no, no, no. I want people to decide their own destiny. But no one decides their own destiny religiously. Right? Little kids get introduced into religion. But sexually is where it gets super important for us. Yes. We don't let the boy be

a boy. Yeah. Let him be a boy. Don't fuck boys, son. Hey, give him some boxing gloves. Get out of there. Put the helmet on. Stop staring at that Bo Jackson poster. Get a motorcycle and fucking ride around with shirts off. Yeah, man, right? It's like

people get super scared if someone turned a kid gay. Like, hey, what? What happened? What happened? Some people, some parents now, they allow their kids to just be what they want to be. But here's the thing. I don't know if that's possible. But I definitely think with no intervention, there's a lot of people that are just gay.

They're just gay. What's crazy? Isn't there like a spectrum of gay, though, right? Oh, there's levels, bro. There's levels. Well, I know because of my brother it's not negative he never my brother like there's my brother's friends are really really cool and they're really funny but they're very flamboyant and my brother's not at least not around us you know right who cares if he is though right Yeah who cares Yeah

That's a funny thing man Like flamboyant Gay That's the That's the The gay I knew You know growing up The flamboyant one

But we Like we celebrate that Right Like look at him Woo You see a dude with like A halter top on You know what I mean

Like daisy dude Cut off shorts Like Rainbow striped socks on. You're like, get down, go, you go boy. Flamboyant gay, like we love flamboyant gay. But like a girl dressed like that is like, oh, you unfortunate, you unfortunate child. Like look at you with your 17 inch pumps on, with your shorts up to crack your ass, with your tiny top on. That is so sad that you need that much attention.

Isn't that weird? Weird, man. That's weird, man. When it's a boy and he's gay, we fucking celebrate the shit out of it. Look at him. He's got all these crazy multicolored beads on, and he's just fucking blaring gay. Hell yeah. We think that's great.

He's at the rave. But a girl that's just screaming out for dick. Oh, you poor child. You stop that. Stop it. You stop it. What do you want, sex? She's just like her mom.

You're not going to get love that way. You're not going to get love. You're just going to get a bunch of guys that want to fuck you. There's a lot of pressure on those women, those girls because remember like growing up oh, she's a good girl. Yes. But she's a bad girl. And always the bad girls

were the good girls. If you were a good girl I wouldn't be mad at you all the time, Melissa. Melissa. Melissa. Why can't you be your cousin Jennifer? She's a good girl. I can't believe you did coke. I can't believe you did coke. I can't believe my daughter did coke. Dude.

People love coke. They do. You've never done this stuff, right? No, I've never fucked with it. Just pot? You never drink, right? I drink. I don't drink a lot, but I drink.

I see you drink Bud Light once. What? Like a fuck? It was probably my biggest, one of my best, greatest memories, man, as a stand-up comedian. Now you're drinking a Bud Light.

I was like, that's ridiculous. It was like, it was like 1999, Thanksgiving. It was like, you know, like Thanksgiving

already passed and Friday, it was like, you know, the Friday after Thanksgiving, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, it's always like the best days, man, for me. Anybody. And for comedy, too.

Especially the comedy show on Wednesday, and then no work the next day. There's always chicks everywhere, music. It's a good time, man. Drugs. But this one particular time my brother Fernando I would say his name whatever I called him up

hey we're gonna go watch I have a show at the OR and me and another comedian showed up and then we're gonna go see you

that's when you had your fucking hot ass webpage joerogan.net and you said you were gonna perform

so we went to go see you at the main room right after our sets webpage, joerogen.net. And you said you were going to perform. So we went to go see you at the main room right after our sets. You fucking crushed it. You had that fucking bear bit. It was hilarious. You crushed it. But then after what you said, I heard you tell somebody that we're going to go to the House of Blues because it was Chewy's birthday. Yeah.

So I said, fuck it. Let's go too. So we all went. And we were across the street man there were like so many comedians of that time at the house of blues and um rick james showed up i started playing the piano that was the shit man yeah man that was uh chewy did quite a few shows over there yeah how many shows did he do over there he did one every once a month on a tuesday dude he was good and it was like wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute this is chewy the dude who's the door guy at the comedy store is a badass musician that song hey, Hey Chewy, What's Going On? Hey Chewy.

That's a great fucking song. That's a great song. And I was sitting there going, how crazy is this? We didn't know our friend Chewy has this special gift. He was good. I was being a little over us. Dude, he was good. He was good.

It was cool to watch, too. Like, it was a cool show. Like, we had a good fucking time. He was a good musician, huh? Dude, he's a real good musician, and he's our friend. Like it was a cool show. Like we had a good fucking time. He was a good musician, huh? Dude, he's a real good musician and he's our friend. So it was crazy. It was both.

It was like you're seeing your friend on stage and then you're seeing your friend kill. And you're like, damn, he's good. This is good. It was awesome. I remember one time Dom Herrera was doing his jokes at the ORN.

He said, Holly was fucked up. Like, that guy right there, Chewy, he's a rock star. Rock star, once a month. Kills it. Right now, he's telling me where to fucking park. Whoa. I think he liked working there, too, to be honest. He was a cool dude.

He held the ladder for me one night when I was putting the letters up. I always enjoyed that guy. He was always very cool to me, too. Some people were scared of Chewie. Chewie and I always got along great. He just looked like the wrong dude to fuck with. He was like, he'll Billy Jam, but Mexican. Yeah, exactly. But he's a gentleman

Always a gentleman If you're a good guy to Chewy He's a great guy to you But he's a talented musician man It was crazy to watch It's crazy to watch your friend Just killing it At the House of Blues

After you just say What's up Chewy You know that song But that song Hey Chewy what's going on That's like He made a really good song about how people interacted with him. He put me on his shoulders, right?

Did he? Kind of. I'm trying to remember. I mean, he definitely lifted it up a little. He was fucking great, man. He was great. Like, he was like, he was a guy that I would actually go see. I was like, this is amazing.

That's the thing I liked about, you know, like being a comedian that when I was younger it was like there was always something to do afterwards. It was crazy, you know? Yeah. Like even when like, but sometimes, you know, you go to like dark areas, you know, if you want to party hard. Like I had a gig one time. I was doing a show in Montebello.

Remember Willie Barsana? Yeah, dude. Willie Barsana had that crazy ass fucking fucking walk of yodels for 11 years. And somebody came in and said, I think it was a comedian of yours. He said, hey, man, there's this guy that's looking for comedians to perform at 3 in the morning. He took out 100 bucks. And I said, fuck, I ain't doing shit. I ain't got a life.

3 in the morning? I ain't doing shit. I ain't got a life. So he gave me the address address and we get there. There's like an undercover police officer, security guard. It's his house in Burbank. And we perform at three in the morning for them. Holy shit.

In their house? Yeah, man. What? Joe, the house was built for like partying like 80s style where like you don't even know what time it is. Like the curtains were, they had curtains all over the house. You couldn't see the sun come in no more. Really? So it lit perfectly.

Like the house looked like it's 5 p.m. all day. Wow. And all over the house, there was drugs, but they were not openly out there for everybody to take. Only like for like people who knew what was going on. He had liquid Coke there. You know the nasal sprays? Yeah. He had those filled with water and Coke.

Because when you do Coke, sometimes the Coke gets stuck in your nose. So you got to pour a little water to help it go down. Jesus Christ. But this guy had little squeeze bottles all over the house like nasal sprays hit it

so I would see people lean over in the crack of the house and then grab something and so then I found out where it was

and I just instead of just putting it back I just walked it I kept it God damn I stood at that house till 1130 in the morning. And I got there at two in the morning.

But this is funny. The guy who owned the house, he had nobody cleaning the house. So everybody, like if you grab a little bit from his house, like if Joe Rogan picked up those beers and threw them in a trash can, he'll give you points. Like Dougie points. His name was Doug. And he'll give you points, like Dougie points. His name was Doug. And he'll give you like, Joe Rogan got three Dougie points. So if you get like,

so this house, you got invited to the house by a text, because Doug knows you, but he don't know you, someone else invites you. But now that you got points, you know,

enough Dougie points, you get a personal call. That's crazy. That was crazy. That was crazy. There was a guy walking around who looked like Marilyn Manson. But it wasn't Marilyn Manson. Just looked like him. Yeah.

He was just hired for the show, I guess, for the party. Dude, I hate to bring up this thing with your brother again, though. Bring it up. Do you think it is possible really that if someone dresses their kid up, all jokes aside, is that possible? That if you dress

your kid up as a girl for like a little bit and coach him into acting like a girl that it turns him gay? I don't... Honestly, all jokes aside, I don't really think it works like that. Did he stop right when they got here? Or did he keep playing that way? No. I don't think he stopped. He was like a male afterwards but it could have been a total coincidence i think

it was by the coincidence yeah it just happened yeah but no nobody wants to think that people are that susceptible but they definitely are in some ways right maybe not sexually because that seems to be like a biological thing but in terms of like behavior like the racism for sure right racism carries from from parent to child pretty pretty well you know if they're they have a good relationship with their parents and their parents are racist that shit will carry in because a lot of people who are racist they still love their kids so they're really good to their kids but they're racist so their kids associate really good to their kids, but they're racist. So their kids associate really good love with family, also with distrust of certain groups and colors.

And that's almost a thing that they're taught by the people that care about them, like wild animals, man. They're taught wild animal behavior by their parents. And that's the same shit with people. It's a weird thing, man. It's a weird thing that human beings are malleable you know that they you can get them to behave a certain way in iceland but then a different way in brazil or a certain way in japan and a different way in china like i was uh i was in china recently one of the things that's crazy is when you're around large groups of people,

they just walk in front of you, man. They just walk through you. They walk through little kids. They walk through everybody. And it's not rude. It's just they have a different way of moving around because there's so many people in so many spots in China. They're not being rude.

They don't consider it rude. It's just different. They're just trying to get there, and they don't mind if everybody bumps into each other a little bit we're like oh you touched me oh i can't believe this that guy touched me with his hand as he walked by you know in china they're fucking headbutting each other but they're not doing it mean they're just kind of going through each other like they don't mind touching each other so they're just you know you see an opening they're going in that opening oh you don't look at you don't own the space in front of you, bitch. There's a little spot.

I'm going to go in there. Boom. And they don't think it's a bad thing. They do it here, too. Chinese people do? Oh, yeah. Asian people, you know, Armenian people, older people. We're trying to catch the bus.

We're all trying to catch the bus, and they run. They rush in front of me. They don't say, excuse me. That's why I learned how to say excuse me in Armenian. You know when people don't mind being jammed up like that? In the winter in Boston

when they get on the T. You know those trains, like if you leave in Fenway Park and it's like fucking zero degrees outside in the winter and you get on the T together

and especially if it's sunny out so nobody feels creepy about it and they shut those doors and everybody's just jammed in there huddled together. And especially if it's sunny out so nobody feels creepy about it. And they shut those doors. And everybody's just jammed in there, huddled together. Ooh. Like penguins. Yeah, you don't mind. You don't mind.

You're fucking freezing. So everybody has more of a sense of. That's like a big problem with LA. It's too easy to just live here. It's too easy to physically survive. It's too hot. But the heat's one thing. But you can get by. You get used to that. You can't get used to physically survive. It's too hot. The heat's one thing, but you can get by.

You get used to that. You can't get used to the cold. You can't do it. You can't stay out there. You can stay. See, the heat's way easier. You can stay out there. If you have a shade and you have some water, you can live.

You literally can't live in Boston outside. No, you can't. You can't go to sleep there. If you go to sleep there, you can't. You can't go to sleep there. If you go to sleep there, you'll die. You won't make it. It's zero degrees out. You're not going to make it. Oh, it's, you can't just sleep on the ground when it's 30 below zero, like in Alaska or

some shit. Can't even panhandle in that cold. No. And you're going to be a hardy motherfucker to survive those places. It's too easy to survive LA. We don't have enough interaction with nature. We've got a distorted sense of where we sit in this whole thing. You want nature?

Go to Griffith Park. Yeah. We don't even have bugs, man. When I was in Thailand, they got crazy bugs, dude. Bugs that bite the fuck out of you. We've got these little weird bites all over you, and mosquitoes are ferocious. Those are real bugs, man. We got here roaches?

We got nothing. We got a few roaches. We barely have any flies. We ain't got shit. No bugs want a part of this crazy dry air. We're super lucky, man. Bugs don't like dry air. Bugs are like, ugh.

The crawly ones don't seem to mind, but the flyy ones, they fucking hate dry air. We've got lots of hummingbirds eating them up, too. Do we do? There's not lots of hummingbirds anywhere else I've lived like there is here. We rehabbed a hummingbird in my house and released it. We found, uh, the girls found a hummingbird that was

wounded, and they nursed it back to health and then re-released it in the wild we have little hummingbird feeders in the backyard dude hummingbirds the coolest little animals ever they're so weird i'll put up a video of of this hummingbird it's so cute like they fed it sugar water you know super fast right dude they fly so fast they you can't like if you see it with uh like stop motion or slow motion photography slow motion, you can't believe how fast it is. Like, you're watching it.

Like, whoa, look at that. That's insane. Like, what kind of animal evolved like that? Little tiny wings and they're going like a fucking billion miles an hour. Like, look at that thing in slow-mo. See if you can find one. Like, there's no animal like that But imagine if an eagle did that

Imagine how fucked everything would be if an eagle could move like a hummingbird just a giant fucking Giant flying thing with knives for fingers and it's just snatching fish out of water and it's as big as a turkey and it moves like a hummingbird what the fuck like if you think about that's what a tiger is right a tiger is a big thing that moves like insanely fast look how little those wings are i never i never seen their wings don't know dude those wings are so small that if they were in a superhero if i saw a superhero and the body was that big and the wings were that small, I'd be like, that bitch couldn't fly. Get out of here.

That wouldn't even work, bro. Dynamically, look how small the wings are. Look how big the body is. It's fucking stupid. Look how little those wings are, man. If you went to one of those hot wings places and they gave you a wing like that you'd be so angry oh hell no who are these for those are the tiniest little wings such a small little animal but they're so adorable they have no legs uh uh they have legs

yeah they're just tucked in they're tucked in the back see See it? Little tiny. Yeah. They're so beautiful. Such an unusual little bird, too. Who eats them? Oh, I'm sure everything that can. I'm sure they're snack-a-dicious. But I think good luck catching them. Good luck catching that little fucker. I told you I was listening to that Leonardo book the other day.

And one of the weird things in the beginning it mentions is that he had a very weird fascination, or it was written in one of his notebooks, that he wanted to describe the tongue of a woodpecker but this is like in the obviously in the 1400s where you'd have to catch the woodpecker kill it dissect it right and then do the descriptions yourself and i guess he does have descriptions of it which at that time are so descriptive you would have to like whatever be a scientist like he was i wonder really crazy how you would catch a be a scientist like he was. It's really crazy. I wonder how you would catch a woodpecker. How do you catch one of those fuckers?

I don't know how he thought of that. What was making him... Do you think he just shot it out of the sky? I mean, he probably came up with a trap of some kind, I bet. I guess, right? Yeah. Imagine those dudes that were just initially studying species. Imagine writing down, drawing pictures of a cat that you just found in the fucking jungle.

Being one of those guys that's the first people to document what animals exist out there. Because how long have we known, how long have we had a good sense of what animals exist out there? How many years has it been, you think, that people have a good sense of all the animals in the world? Like right now, we know about giant bears that live in Russia, right? We know about Komodo dragons. We know about Nile crocodiles. We know about African lions. We know about all these animals that exist because we've got all the videos and the information.

But how long has that been a thing? How long have people known what was in all these different spots? Has it been 2,000 years? Has it been three? How many thousand years? Has it been like reliable information? No krakens? No fucking sea dragons?

You know, stop. You're making shit up. Like, what did you really see? Like, how long has it been where we have a? Detailed account of what animals exist that was one of the things he'd used I don't know how long has it been a pen or how long they've been a pen or a something to write on Oh the first thing they ever wrote wasn't writing. I think was like the Middle East. I think it was all like Sumer and those places.

I think that's where they think it came from. You ever see that writing, man? Dude, it's crazy looking. It's called cuneiform. It looks like nails. It looks like they're old-school-y carpenter nails. Yeah. And they're going left and right and up and down.

They have an alphabet, too? Yeah, look at it. Oh, wow. That's, I think, obviously I'm not an expert, right and up and down alphabet too yeah look at it oh wow that's i think i'm you know obviously i'm not an expert but i think they believe this is the oldest written language see if that's true it's cuneiform the oldest written language they think that was where it started that it started with these little uh like they look like nails like look, look at that shit, dude. It's such a fantastic-looking language, because it almost looks like some crazy computer code or something. And it's funny how all these, this kind of language, someone who's bored in prison will pick it up and learn how to write like this with another inmate and give each other messages, but the guards won't know.

Look what it says, this. This is the one, it's called Tamil. Tamil. Okay, the oldest language comes from sri lanka singapore and two indian states tamil is still spoken by approximately 70 million people across the world tamil is one of the oldest literary canons of any knowledge in the world with the earliest piece of tamil writing sangram literature dating to approximately 300 bce so that's 300 years before current era that's not that's not super old see the thing language i think sumerian is so there it says sumerian first developed 3200 bc okay so i think they're saying what's the oldest language that's active in the world and that's Tamil and that comes from 300 BC but the Sumerian language yeah is the oldest shit ever so that's what we saw

that's cuneiform so it's created using a reed stylus to make wedge-shaped indentations in clay tablets so they think as far as they know, that's the oldest shit. So that's only 5,300 something years. Do you think they developed it to record transactions to keep track of money or to talk? Do you think which was more important to them at the time?

Transactions? Could be probably everything. Writing things down. Try to figure out what animal did not eat. Try to figure out what animal to not eat. Try to figure out what makes people sick. Keep checking who paid taxes, who didn't. So 3200 BC, what is that? That's 5218 years ago?

Wow. That seems so recent. Think about that. Think about that, man. 5,000 years ago, they figured out how to write shit down. Like, what are you saying? What did they do before then? Wow.

Fuck. And nobody handwrites no more. I barely handwrite. I suck at it so hard. Nobody cursive. They don't even teach it no more, I think. When I write, my handwriting deteriorates rapidly with every stroke. I barely do it anymore. You still do this

No, I don't logos. What is that logo? Oh, yes, you do that you should do that. I just drew this as in high school. I was bored the Superman logo Yeah, yeah, I used to do all the band names like Hailing I used to do the V in the you know The what the other day when we were talking about George Washington I saw a fact and I was trying to bring it up in time but I had to go back and find it and I just remembered it because

what you're talking about do you know when the first dinosaur bones were discovered? dude we talked about this once I don't remember though it was more recent like 1824 something crazy like that. I don't know.

He was already present and done with all of that. Everything that they had written and talked about and everything we go back and discuss was all before they even knew dinosaurs even existed almost. Yeah, yeah. It's really crazy. Yeah, it is really crazy. It's hard to believe. I mean, imagine you have like, okay, we think we got an understanding of what is here and

what's been here has probably been similar to what's he what the fuck is this then they find a bone that's as big as a bus and like wait a minute what the fuck is this that probably would freak me out dude you imagine you find a bone as big as a bus and you're like holy shit this is one animal what is this this is a leg what is there another one he keeps getting bigger and bigger pieces and then you realize you have a brontosaurus just imagine finding all that shit not knowing it exists and going what the fuck is this thing that looks like a rib and what is this thing? And not knowing how big the world is, so you think there's another one around somewhere that's alive. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, man. They sent David Spade, or David Spade, Jesus Christ. They sent David Cho. They sent David Cho to the Congo in Vice. This is how I found out about Dave. And then I found out about him again from Bourdain was telling me how amazing he is. They sent David Cho. David Cho out about him again from Bourdain was telling me how amazing he is. They sent David Cho.

David Cho was already rich at the time. This is how crazy David Cho is. He was wealthy as fuck. Like, he didn't have to do anything. He'd already made a gang of money, like, gambling and shit. And he decides to go down to the Congo to go looking for a fucking dinosaur, man. It's the craziest episode of Vice. Because these people, some people that live there,

or at least they're saying they're convinced that there's, I mean, they could be just fucking with white people. That could be a thing too, right? They could be fucking with Westerners. Some Korean kid comes by and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll show you where the fucking dinosaur is. That was the last thing I was going to add about the Da Vinci thing. He used to fuck with his friends with a lizard dressed up like a little baby dragon.

And he'd freak them out. Like, look what I found. Look what I got. Da Vinci did that? You'd have to believe him because he's fucking Da Vinci. Right. That's hilarious. Add things to creatures to pretend he's found a new species.

Yeah. Look at Dave. He was young as fuck, too, man. This was a long-ass time ago. And he went to the jungle. Went looking for these supposed brontosauruses that people see in the jungle. Can you imagine if they found one? I mean, there's not enough jungle to hide someone else credible.

Someone would get a picture. Everyone has a phone now, even people that live in the jungle. Where would it hide? It would hide in the jungle. You would have to. Damn. Or a cave in the water? There would have to be an enormous area where people never go

for a big thing to be alive today that people don't know about. They'll find a new deer. They'll find a new deer. They'll find a new deer sometimes. Like, oh, look at this. A new frog. Yeah, we found a new deer. This is incredible. It's in the jungles of Cambodia.

It's a subspecies of this deer. Rare footage shows the last surviving member of an uncontacted Amazon tribe. Yeah, I saw this. This poor dude. He's the last of the Mohicans. Meanwhile, that's a cameraman. That's a cameraman. They fucking gave him 50 bucks.

Just go out there and beat some trees. I'm going to get some footage. Looks like Blair Witch Project and have you just whack it against a tree. I'm going to say you're the last surviving. Bro, we're going to get paid for this. Come on, bro. You look like an old fucking guy

that lives in the jungle. Just do it. 50 bucks, dude. I'll give you 50 bucks. What else are you going to do today? It says they've been tracking him since the 90s. Yeah, it's crazy. Homeboy's been living by himself since the 90s.

We've got a weird problem with that, right? Like, poor guy. What if he dies out there like that? Well, he's going to die here in a different way. What are you talking about? He's going to be sad living alone. If he? Well, he's going to die here in a different way. What are you talking about? He's going to be sad living alone. If he's sad, he's sad.

If he saw those people with the cameras, he'd probably chase Adam with a blow dart. You know? If he embraced it. Poison dart. What a way to go.

Got himself a nice pair of Nikes. You know? A little Gucci fanny pack. A little Air Huaraches. Come out of the woods, bro. He shot at someone in 2005 or he wounded someone

with an arrow. Oh, Jesus. Oh, fuck. Yeah, you don't want that, man. That guy's going to shoot arrows at you. Imagine that. He's a criminal.

They haven't even gone and gotten him. Shooting arrows at people. You son of a bitch. Yeah, that dude didn't want to get saved. But it's funny, man. We look at people, you son of a bitch. Yeah, that dude ain't wanting to get saved. But it's funny, man. We look at people that live in a way that's different than the way we live.

We're like, oh, we got to save them. We got to save them. We got to bring them over to the good side. I know. We got to save him, but someone live in their car. He's fine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man.

Someone live in their car is fine. Until that guy that's camping under the freeway normal normal super normal there was a guy living across the street from my house

and I was living in Echo Park he was living instead of a bobo whoa here's the thing right they let Native American tribes

control giant chunks of land they give them reservations in the 18-whatever it was. It was like 1865 or some shit where they did all this? The worst land ever, too. Nothing grows.

They didn't give them any of the good spots. So they give them all the... Think... When did that happen? Let's find out first. That was... My question would be, would you ever allow them to live the march of tears right

what is it 1887 1887 wow that's crazy but would they allow them to live like they lived before the europeans intervened like if you really just left them alone and they live like fucking horseback, trading animals for bullets, just really live like they lived back then. Indian land for sale. Fine lands in the West. This is a crazy ad. Grazing. Get a home of your own.

Easy payments. Perfect title. Possession within 30 days. Indian land for sale. Is this real? Yes. This is a real ad that they had back then? It's from Nebraska's website. Okay.

This is the next art for the studio. We need that. We need that. Indian land for sale. Make a reservation. Yeah. We need that we need that that indian land for sale make a reservation yeah we need that framed on the wall how much there is a bigger oh how much is the land that's what we need i don't know we need that framed dude that ain't that long ago man that is not that long ago that is a crazy thing it's like look we captured this from these people and i will sell it to you.

Who wants to buy it? There's a picture of the dude we jacked. They got a picture of the dude they jacked. There's the previous owner. This is the previous owner. Look at that. $20 an acre in Wyoming. Do you think that they have... $20 an acre? How much is that now? $20

an acre? Yeah. Wow. Do you think that right now? I mean, it depends on where it Yeah. Wow. That right now? I mean, it depends on where it is. If it's in Beverly Hills, it's probably $14 million. Why in Oregon? $15 an acre. $15 an acre in Oregon. And here's the...

But look at the dude. They got the dude. They got like the most regal looking Native American. Looks like a chief. A shot caller. Look at his image. Perfect representation of like a an elder like a wise powerful old indian like a chief right he looks like the dude they'd

be running shit like we got it from this dude we got the prime cuts baby we got the fucking tomahawk ribeye with the bone. Come on, bro. It's for you. Indian land. The best. Nothing but the best. We got it off that guy. Look at him.

We got it from the highest guy in the totem pole. Could you imagine if there was parts of this country where people decided to live like the Native Americans live? Straight up, full stop. They wore animal skins. They tanned from shooting them with bows and arrows. They made their own bows and arrows. They did everything the way that the people did before the Europeans arrived. They say, fuck your technology.

Fuck your laws. Fuck your bullshit. Just give us a fertile, gigantic swath of land that we could live like we lived before. And then people just gravitate to that. Do you know how crazy that would be? People would fuck it up, though. They would do a reality show of it. They would have some of the horses would have fucking cameras.

It would be that fucking Westworld and shit. Dicks flopping out of loincloths. And people would have to kill people the way they killed people back then, too. They'd have to have duels and shit. Scalp them. I think, I don't know who invented scalping. Do you think scalping was invented by the Native Americans or was it invented by the white people?

By the white people. They, we covered this. They used to collect them. Yeah. In a bag. Well, was it their idea first? I wonder whose idea it was first. Because some of the shit that people do in war,

they'll copy shit from the enemy, too. Like, if the enemy's doing it, they'll say, yeah, we'll fucking do it, too. Genghis Khan must have did it first. Oh, he did the worst shit of all time. Brutal. You ever listen to that Dan Carlin hardcore history series on him? Dude, after the show, I'm going to send it to you.

Okay. You've got to listen to it. It's nuts. If you've got the time, I'm going to send it to you. Okay. You've got to listen to it. It's nuts. If you've got the time, because it's like five parts, and you get sucked in, but it just shows you how insane that guy and his family were, and what the empire that he created. This one guy, his real name is Tumujin, I think. They had crossbows, right? They had crossbows.

They had all kinds of shit. They had catapults that had light human bodies on fire. They would. They were quick at shooting arrow while a horse back, right? That's what they did. Well, that was one of their strategies, but they were extremely stout people.

They were very, very strong people, apparently. All I know about, just full disclosure, all I know about is what I learned from Dan Carlin's Hardcore History podcast and a couple of of articles i've never really read that much about the mongols but what he said was that they had these bows that required 160 pounds to pull back which is just insane so they must be shooting heavier arrows that could kill people better than anything the smaller people or the weaker people would

would possess and they were a nomadic horse people so they were traveled around living in tents like they despise people that live in cities they were just the strongest most ruthless army the world had ever seen at the time like nobody had ever seen anything like this they would just they killed millions of people they think new york times had an article that said they killed so many people. They changed the carbon footprint of the earth. There was less people, a noticeable number. If you go and you look through the ice core samples and they're starting to attribute it, or some people at least are attributing that to Genghis Khan killing some somewhere in the neighborhood of 10% of the population on earth. Damn. One out of 10.

He killed more people than AIDS. Yeah, definitely, right? How many people did AIDS kill, if you had to guess? Someone was just talking about that recently and said no one should die from HIV anymore. No one should die of AIDS. It literally shouldn't have to happen anymore. Isn't that crazy? Just take medication now.

When we were kids, everybody was terrified of AIDS. AIDS was a death sentence. While eating Twinkies. Terrified of AIDS. While eating the thing that's slowly killing you. Terrified of getting some AIDS. One little kid gets it, everybody doesn't want to go to school no more. Remember that one kid?

Yeah. They stopped going to school. Yeah. The magic got it and everybody was all right. Magic got it. I remember being in my car. I was in my car. I was living in Revere, Massachusetts.

Revere. Yeah, this apartment complex. And I was driving my car and I was on the road listening to the radio. Like, you know, you see where the traffic lights are. You see, you remember. It's like burned in your brain. Like, ah, you know, you see where the traffic lights are. You see, you remember, it's like burned in your brain, like, ah, Magic Johnson has AIDS? What? In my car.

What? What? I remember thinking, like, it was a scene in a vampire, a monster movie or something, like a zombie outbreak. Like, oh my God, now it's reached

one of the greatest basketball players of all time. This is insane. Are people gonna just start dropping off like flies now? Are people going to start? Did you start wearing condoms right away afterwards? I don't think so. Me neither.

Did you? No. People are animals, bro. People are savage. They're savage. I mean, there's a reason why there's 7 billion of us. People need to stop pretending that when they're fully aroused that they're thinking straight. You're operating at about 10% of your normal resources.

You're like, AIDS, whatever. Who's got AIDS? You still got AIDS? I thought they got rid of it with a code. It's crazy that it was just primarily gay people and drug users that were getting it so what a weird disease man that's a that's a weird one man that's a strange thing that you're when your body starts weakening and shutting down like whoa but when you really think about the actual danger and death, like I think even while AIDS was

in its height of killing people, I don't think it was killing people as much as the flu was, right? The numbers I'm finding now are depending on worldwide or US. So worldwide tuberculosis is now killing more people than AIDS. But this says that only 1.1 million people today in the U.S. are living with AIDS. And I think I saw... But living with AIDS is like you're at the border of getting AIDS. Is that what it is? It's like you have...

Supposedly, this is... Again, I'm not a doctor, right? Supposedly, it's like you have HIV. Your immune system gets weakened. You catch AIDS, which is acquired immune deficiency syndrome, which means your T-cell levels have reached a certain count where they identify it as AIDS, right? Yeah, I actually did type in AIDS, and this is going to HIV. So they're definitely connected. So it's not people that also their immune system fails that's outside of HIV.

Yeah, so I clicked on this. I'll show you what I clicked on. So I typed in that in, and this is showing this. It says at one point, 2 million people have received an AIDS diagnosis since the early 80s. Since the early 80s. Okay. So 1 million people, and there have been 12,000 in 2014 there were 12,333 deaths due to any cause of people with diagnosed hiv infection ever classified as aids and hmm what does that mean yeah then it's a weird way of saying it with people well i'll say it again it says there were 12,333 deaths due to any cause of people with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS.

Isn't that a strange way of saying that? Yeah. I don't know what that means. You mean you could lose the classification if your immune system gets strong enough? I don't know. It says with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS. Okay. I don't know.

Maybe I'm too stupid for that. Because what I also saw was that a million people died last year from it, but that would be worldwide. And this then contradicts because it says a million people have only been diagnosed and this is only in the U.S. and that other number is worldwide, so it gets really sketchy. And it says 6,721 deaths were attributed directly to HIV. Yeah.

So it seems that they definitely think it's still killing people. It definitely still is. Tuberculosis, though? Yeah, it's still high. How many people die from the flu every year? What would you think would be the most ruthless normal killer? Would it be the flu? The flu would kill the most people?

36,000. Way more people got jacked by the flu. This is every year. Every year. And what was the number, the AIDS number was total, right? How many of those people got flu shots though? What is it?

This was 2000 and 2014. So it's a third or so. So what's a third? AIDS to the flu. AIDS is about one third of the deaths of the flu per year-ish on average. I don't know. Isn't that interesting? It's like we're not scared of the thing that kills us way more. We're really scared of the thing that kills less people because it kills them through butt sex.

That's what it is it has to be we're terrified that it kills people through sex Cuz like the flu it seems is like we should really be concentrating on that thing that thing's killing way more people People not washing their hands. Mm-hmm But they're like look we can't stop that, but we can stop all this butt text. It's weird, right? It's weird. Like when we,

maybe it's just because it's a new thing that was killing people because it didn't exist. And then it did exist. That's probably what it is. Right? Yeah. Like, yeah, because it came out of nowhere because it was in like,

what was it? And during the eighties. Yes. Yeah. And Eddie Murphy said, and you're walking around with that AIDS on your lip. Oh, was that? Delirious.

Do you remember Sam Kenison's bit on it? No. He goes, they say, Sam, you shouldn't make fun of AIDS. AIDS, Sam, is a communicable disease. Straight people can get it too. He goes, name one. Name one fucking guy. It's not our dance.

He had this crazy, dangerous bit about it like way back then like whoa it's like zero and around like 1980 i don't know if that's accurate but so 1980 was the highest peak maybe it's in thousands so yeah it's nice it's low so the highest seems like 91 it seems like late 70s right is that somewhere around 1980? The one thing, too, I read that there was around 300,000 total deaths, and a third of them were in New York. 300,000 total deaths, a third in New York, and this is all told ever. Again, these stats are all on multiple pages, so I think so. How many of the – see, I get so confused about all this shit

because some people believe that a lot of these people also are shooting heroin a lot of these people are also doing a lot of drugs i would wonder you know if they're really partying hard and they also get aids i would i would always wonder like how much of you partying hard is destroying your immune system too like if you're if you have a disease like say you have cancer and you're struggling with cancer and you just decide to hardcore start smoking meth and then you die from the cancer like is it isn't didn't something else kill you too right not saying that the cancer is good for you cancer certainly bad for you but if you have

cancer and you decide to go on a meth binge and destroy your immune system, it's got to contribute to your health. But we don't consider that. We don't consider, oh, the fucking cancer got him. Cancer got him. It did get him. It definitely did get him. But he was also smoking meth all day.

Feeling good. Doing robberies. Doing robberies with fucking skulls painted on his forehead getting bites at 7-11 yeah man he was amped dude was amped

with cancer that's also I mean if he dies of a heart attack like oh the cancer gave him a heart attack yeah probably that probably had

something to do with it definitely was not good it's definitely not good to have cancer but it's also not good to be smoking meth while you have cancer smoking meth that's bad so how Smoking meth, that's bad.

So how many of these people that got AIDS were like extremely healthy folks that like, you know, jogged on a regular basis and ate a lot of fruit and vegetables? It's really hard to get that data. I know, I would like to get that data. This is not like a prejudiced perspective. I'm just, as a curious person,

I would like to get all that. I would like to know what is it that actually does it? Is it the meth that kills you? Is it a disease that kills you? Is it a combination of all these things? We always want to attribute death to one thing. But I would imagine that with all the people that have died of the flu, there's a number of deaths. When you look at the flu, you're like, man, the flu could just catch you's a number of deaths when you look at the flu you're like man the flu could just catch you the flu could just catch you and you know catch you when you're

already weak too maybe you're you're run down you've been working too much and then the flu hits you when your immune system's devastated and it gets deep into you and gets you everybody's vulnerable i mean the thing about disease is that's so strange to me is that some of them are associated with certain Certain groups of people like AIDS like AIDS is one of those ones is just so Associated with gay people that it's like a really politically charged disease and we concentrate on it like really heavily But I think it I really think it wasn't just the gay thing was also that it was it was new new There was a new thing that was killing people. We're always worried

about that, right? There's always these pandemic movies where some new crazy disease breaks loose and just runs rampant and we don't have an immune system for it

and people start dying and they need to get the medication to the people and get it to the baby quickly. We made it. People are freaking out. Subways. SARS.

There's always some shit like that. We're always terrified of some new shit that's going to get us. Swine flu. Chicken flu. So AIDS had a dual disadvantage. One, it was connected to gay people.

And people were like, oh, what are they doing over there? I'm not going to get it. I'm not gay. Yeah, exactly. There was that. And then there was also, well. Blood transfusions, car accidents. Oh, that's right, right?

People were worried about getting from blood transfusions. So that means back then they were never, they were like, they were just letting random people donate blood without checking it. I don't think they had a test for it for a while. I think for a while they didn't have a test for it. Then they have to find like, I guess they have to find like antibodies in your blood or some shit. But it's so weird that while this is all going on how many people are dying

from cancer every year just from smoking cigarettes it's fucking crazy numbers crazy numbers people dropping like flies and no one thinks about that when you see a guy smoking a cigarette you don't think that guy's killing themselves like oh he's outside in front of the restaurant having a cig normal shit no that guy's that guy's poisoning himself like a guy with weak livers but it's just strange to me like we get really specific about what fears we have in terms of what way we die and when a new disease comes along that becomes like one of the most specific ones but while you're indulging in all these behaviors that'll also kill you in way larger numbers than diseases

it's fucking weird man it. It's very weird. Human beings, me included, we're so strange. We're so strange in the way we prioritize things. Always. Yeah. Do you get the flu shot?

No. Joey Diaz, I won't give up the joke because he has one of the best new bits about it. I never got a flu shot, but I've gotten the flu once and it was like two years ago out of nowhere, man. I hit a fat-ass bowl. Then my legs got hot.

And my whole body felt hot. And I told my wife, I think I'm going to get sick. So you hit a bowl, and that's when it came on? I won't say it was a bowl, but that's when I started feeling it hot. Huh. So the weed made you aware of it. Yes. But it wasn't the weed though.

Hey, asshole. Yeah, the weed was probably like, hey, asshole, you got the flu. You better pay attention to your body. I got it like a couple years ago. I kicked it quick because I caught it coming on. I felt it.

I was like, oh, I know what this is. And I just laid down. I didn't do shit. I just laid down I was like, oh, I know what this is. And I just laid down. I didn't do shit. I just laid down, drank a lot of tea, chilled the fuck out. I didn't do shit. I just laid down to relax, let my body recuperate itself. I got lucky

that it happened during a time where I wasn't, I didn't have anything to do that day. So I could take time off. I heard that when you get a real hot, a real good flu, it's like your body fighting off something inside your body. Yeah, your body's basically going to war. Fuck yeah. Yeah.

You're sweating up a storm. Your body's trying to chase out the invaders. You got people trying to get over that wall. And my body's going... Yeah, your body has little organisms trying to get over their walls. You got walls set up to keep these things from breeding and taking over parts of your body.

So you got this immune system just going to war. You got a little war going on in your body when you're sick. I know you got everything fighting. I got PCP. I got weed fighting. I got crack fighting. Yeah, I mean, people don't like when you judge people's health. And you definitely shouldn't judge someone based on whether or not they're sick or but

When what you're looking at when you see people that are sick including yourself all of us what we're looking at is an organism That is at war and we have this weird instinct to kind of get away from them like oh my god I could get that I could get that organism whatever to kind of get away from them. Like, oh, my God, I could get that. I could get that organism, whatever that was. I got to get away from it. What if one of the troops jumps off of him and hops into me? I can't afford to take time off work now. Get away from me.

I don't have time for lupus. I don't got time for your coughing blood. Don't cough blood on me, zombie man. But think about how many people who don't never really take care of their body. Because I know before I won last coming standing, I never had health care. I was just gambling with my body. I didn't go to the hospital unless I was really dying. And when I went to the hospital, I went to this cheap little hospital right here in Echo Park.

How bad was it? It was fucked up, man. It smelled like an old elementary school in there. An old elementary school. And it smelled like pine soul. There was an old Korean doctor there, and I told her what was wrong with me. I told her I have a flu. I told her my butt hurts.

I might have a hemorrhoid. I don't know what's going on. I'm bleeding out of my ass. Damn. And she goes, okay, sit down. And I paid her $100. And what'd she give you? She gave me medicines for the hemorrhoid,

because I had a hemorrhoid for the first time. And then she gave me antibiotics for my flu. Where does hemorrhoids come from? Does it come from you trying to force your poo out? Man. That's what someone told me. I think it was Eddie. My first time, I didn't know, man.

I was on the road, and I was on the low-carb diet, the Atkins diet. Oh, okay. So I was fucking with, I ate cheese and meat all week. You got bound up. And I didn't drink no water. I didn't drink no soda. I didn't drink no soda. So I must have been stuffed. So, Joe, I'm in the bathroom.

The show's over. And two days, nothing, right? Oh, no. And I could feel like my butthole already felt like I had broken glass inside. Oh, that feeling. So I finally broken glass inside. Oh, that feeling. So I finally, I pushed too hard. Because I pushed it out like I was having a baby. I was like, I was doing Lamaze.

Did you put that up on the YouTube screen, please? Yeah, I was waiting. So I fucking shit. Put this up while he's talking, because it's perfect. And then I pushed, and I pushed. And then like, oh, man, I could and I pushed and then like, oh man, I could just feel, I saw like,

I wiped myself and the toilet paper looked like a fucking tampon and I was in pain, dude. It says the veins around your anus tend to stretch under pressure and may bulge or swell.

Swollen veins, hemorrhoids, can develop from increased pressure in the lower rectum due to straining during bowel movements, sitting for long periods of time on the toilet. Eddie Bravo has a hilarious bit about it, about being on his phone, taking a shit.

It's very funny. Remember, didn't he talk about it on here? I think he talked about it on here. But it was crazy. Yeah, not good for your butthole to be sitting in that i would describe the feeling the pain it feels like um i remember talking about in a bit i said that it felt like every night though the ghost started sodomizing me like him in the ass at night how many days did you go before you took a uh three days that's then i took. That's when the pain started.

And I blew my butthole out, I guess. And then like three days later. I did a shit ride without pain for like two weeks. I was afraid of fucking eat, man. I have a friend of mine who had to go to a doctor. And they had to literally break up the shit in his butthole. They had to go up his butthole with an instrument and break it up and flush him out They give him something I think he had to take something some sort of diuretic and some stool loosening agent like some hardcore drugs and then they had to go in there with like a chisel and

off this concrete log that he had at the bottom of his butthole and then you know He hadn't shit in many dry too. Yeah, it was dangerous. And he couldn't get it out. So he was literally plugged up. And it kept piling in. It's not like he's going to stop eating. It's just going to keep piling in. So he's got a blockade of, like, shit rocks at the end of his booty tunnel.

And it's a real problem. It could be bad. It's a real problem. He had to go to a doctor. Mine, like, finally came out. And then. Clink, clink, clink. But it was all bad. It was all dry. It was ugly, man. Painful. You got to go to a doctor. Mine finally came out and then clink, clink, clink. But it was all bad.

It was all dry. It was ugly, man. Painful. You gotta eat your vegetables, son. And then I peed. Every time I peed, after I finished peeing, it was hurting my butthole after I peed. Yeah, I mean that's one thing that I freak out about people that are on this carnivore diet. I hear this carnivore diet stuff and they're like, oh no, no problem shitting

at all. I'm like, no problem at all. You don't eat any vegetables, you got no problem at all. Would it really kill you to eat some broccoli with that? A little kale. It'll loosen that motherfucking pipeline up. I just can't imagine the broccoli's killing you. I think if broccoli's killing you,

come on, really. There's probably something else wrong. You should probably get your blood work done, try to figure out what the vitamins vitamins are if you eat broccoli and you start getting headaches bro i eat broccoli it fucks with my gains i eat broccoli i get a headache are you sure man people have been eating broccoli forever like how is that possible like when did broccoli ever become something that you feel shitty after you ate has anybody ever said that like i eat broccoli i just fucking get headaches. It fucks with my immune system.

Some dudes will claim that now. These carnivore guys, a lot of them are claiming, like, I eat a fucking salad, bro, I'm off for a while. People... I typed it in back the other way. In general, broccoli is safe to eat. Any side effects are not serious. Most common side effect is gas or bowel irritation.

Yeah, broccoli farts. Caused by broccoli's high amounts of fiber. All cruciferous, that's a great word, cruciferous vegetables can make you grassy. Oh, gassy.

Cruciferous. I like how you said gassy. Gassy. Are you a scientist or not? You fuck. Okay? When you're a scientist, use scientific terms.

You don't say gassy with me. What are you scared of saying? Farts? Gassy. But the health benefits outweigh the discomfort. Yeah. So there's certain people that I think have a real physical issue. Like Jordan Peterson is one of them. When he describes he literally can't have anything

other than meat at this point in his life or it gives him headaches and it fucks with him. I think certain people, all bullshit aside, might have a real biological issue with vegetables, which sounds insane, but it only makes sense. People have a problem with everything. There's certain people that have a problem with almost everything.

There's people that are allergic to citrus. There's people that are allergic to certain nuts. Avocados. Yeah, all kinds of plants. There's people that are allergic to citrus. There's people that are allergic to certain nuts. Avocados. Yeah, all kinds of plants. There's people that are allergic to grass. Why wouldn't people be allergic to some vegetables? So if you are allergic to some vegetables

and you just go on an all-meat diet, all those symptoms of those allergies go away. Why wouldn't that make sense to people? I mean, there's so many people fighting off the idea of this carnivore diet, that you're only eating meat and you feel fantastic. You're probably dealing with a bunch of people that have undiagnosed interactions,

like negative interactions with vegetables, which is probably something about their system that does not go well with vegetables. So they should take vitamins. Take vitamins and eat meat. And you better find a way to get some fiber, kids. You don't want to get all backed up. Vegetables are good. I think if you eat like really fatty meat, though, you don't have that problem.

If you eat like a ton of ribeyes, it just greases up that whole pipeline. You're like, whoa! Everything comes flying out. I think when you start eating that lean, ground bison meat, you know, no butter, you're going to have a problem. Or butterball. Yeah, you chew that shit down and pack it down, then you

water on top of it, so it's got the packed out bison here, and then you got the water behind it, it's concretifying it, it's way through your body. Have some broccoli, bro. Eat some kale. Put some cheese on it. It's way through your body. Have some broccoli, bro. Eat some kale. Put some cheese on it.

Some people really firmly believe that dairy is bad for you. And that's something I've never tried. I've never tried to not... You've never had dairy? No, no, no. To not have dairy. I've never tried to weigh off 100% dairy. I don't eat much, but if I do, it's mostly cheese. Hardly ever drink milk unless it's with cookies.

And whenever I do, I always feel weird. No, if I eat milk, I shit on myself. I've been my whole life lactose intolerant, and I didn't even know that. My mom never told me, but, man, every time I'm eating cheese, I have a problem. It gets stuffed up. It don't come out. Damn.

So I fuck with almond milk and soy milk now. Yeah, do you fuck with vegan cheese? I probably try that Everything vegan I don't eat meat no more When did you stop Well when I fuck My asshole blew up

That's a good move Cause fuck Get that fiber inside You feel good though You feel okay I'm still fat People don't believe me They say you're vegan

You're fucking fat What do you eat crops Why are you opposed to eggs I don't know Just give it all up man i got so scared after i i started bleeding man and i said you know what you gotta get your diet on point do you feel better i feel good yeah man i don't have i don't have the runs i don't have shit on myself anymore you ever try other types of diets or is this the first one?

No, I tried the Atkins diet. I tried the Hollywood diet, you know, when you wake up in the morning and do some coke and party. You tried that one? Is that a good one? No, it sucked. That one sucked? Never tried that one.

Yeah. Are you trying to lose weight? Are you good? No, I mean, I could lose weight, but I was bigger than I am right now. But you just went on the diet because of... No, that's not really a diet. I just started this in 2011 or 2012.

But you said when your ass was bleeding? Yeah. That's when you decided? That's when I decided. I started out slow. I just stopped drinking milk first. And then I stopped with cheese. Then meat was the hardest.

Fish, chicken. Then it's slow. And what do you replace it with? What kind of food do you eat? Well, my wife, she was raised vegan in Dayton, Ohio by her mom. Damn. And they were poor. So they grew up

in a trailer park. So that must have been tough for them being vegan. So I just started little by little. I told her to help me because she was not vegan at the time

when I started being vegan. I used to love meat, man. Like, fuck yeah, man. Hamburgers, ribs, ribeye, lobster, Jack in the Box, number five. Do you go and get your blood tested and get yourself checked out? I got my blood tested two years ago, and I'm supposed to get my blood tested this week again. Yeah?

Two years ago? And how do you look, like, in terms of your vitamins, getting enough nutrients? Do they do all that kind of stuff, test your vitamin B levels? Yes, that time they did. They took my B levels. It was for sugar and everything was cool. Yeah. That's good.

He just told me I could lose 30 pounds. Yeah. So I started swimming. I watch your videos every once in a while. I'm trying to get into that ice thing you got into. The ice thing's rough. I want to, man. It's good for inflammation, though.

You know what's good, too? Sauna. Sauna's good. You were just in that sauna, 109 degrees. Yeah. It's different from the sauna they have at the YMCA, right? No, sauna's the same. Steam room's different.

Steam room is like if steam gets that hot, it's wet. Steam is wood or wet? No, no's the same. Steam room's different. Steam room is like, if steam gets that hot, it's wet. Steam is wood or wet? No, no, no. It really is like in the implementation of it more than anything. But if you did a steam room, most likely it was a tile floor, and you go in there. Yeah, with a tile floor. Yeah, you close that glass door, and it's just hot steam, and everybody just gets hot in there, and then they get too sweaty, and then they leave. But the sauna's different in that it's a dry heat.

So you go in there and it's usually – I think the idea is – and I could be wrong here. But I think the idea is that the steam room can't get as hot as a sauna because if it did, it would kind of cook you because it's wet. It would be like hot, wet air around you. It would kind of cook you as opposed to the hot, dry air. That doesn't make any sense. It's just about – it's around you. It kind of cook you as opposed to the hot dry air. That doesn't make any sense. It's touching you. The hot rocks. That's the sauna. Yeah, it's because it's conducting.

The water is conducting the heat. That's what it is, right? So the air doesn't conduct the heat as well as the water does. So that makes sense. Because the sauna, you can get to a fucking crispy degree, crispy temperature before your body starts to freak out.

That's like the old school, huh? Like the Rat Pack Sinatra. Did they used to sit around the sauna? Hell yeah, they would party all night and then take a little steam in the morning. Get all that alcohol out. It doesn't really do that, but it definitely makes you feel a little better. Yeah, if you're fucked up from drinking, you could also run

the risk of, because you might be dehydrated, you could run the risk of blacking out. You know, if you're susceptible to that, and you look at him all there. There it is. He's on the phone. Sinatra's on the phone. There it is. They're stabbing the floor. They're in the sauna laying down.

Look at these guys. That's hilarious. Meanwhile, how'd the photographer get in there? I call bullshit. Yeah. I call bullshit. The phone, I call bullshit with the photographer being in there. That's probably during Ocean's Eleven movie. No, it probably really happened.

I'm sure he did it all the time. Yeah, come on in. Take a picture of us. This is what we do. Those guys were having a good time. Hell yeah, man. What a time. They were having a good time, man.

It's a crazy- They're like in their 50s there, right? Oh, yeah. They were older guys. And they got together and they just did whatever the fuck they wanted. They'd go to Vegas and party. And everybody wanted to go party with them. They're at the Sands there.

The Sands. The Sands. It's crazy when you look at those old hotels and casinos in Vegas. They just decided to dynamite them. But what would you give to stay in the sands today if they kept everything up to date but current with the era in which it was created? Like if you went there, it was a total retro hotel room with like fucking dial-up phones and, you know, just a – Wow, look. I mean, there's something to be said for it right like if you if

you live in a log cabin like there's something really cool about a log cabin right you're like you're you're living in a way that god people lived like this a thousand years ago man this is real this is really how people lived but no one wants to live like people lived in the 60s no you know like if if they had a place like that where you had all the same kind of furniture just updated all the same utensils yeah but have that shit like they had it back then how many people would want that nah not me like vegas was only made possible because of air conditioning oh yeah and water they couldn't have pulled that off if they didn't have some sort of way to cool Like Vegas was only made possible because of air conditioning. Oh, yeah. And water.

They couldn't have pulled that off if they didn't have some sort of way to cool the place down. When did that start? That's a good question. The 50s? It's got to be hot as shit. Well, the Ice House, where we do stand-up, is 58 years old. um was is 58 years old before that it was some sort of a i think it was some sort of an actual ice house where they'd bring ice yeah at some point it's history that's what it used to be it used to be a storage place where people that didn't have refrigerators yeah that's what the whole place is wood yeah they would buy a block of ice and they would take this ice and they would-

Carry it home. Jesus Christ. That wasn't that long ago, man. I mean, that's less than 100 years ago. That's insane. So like 1947, Bugsy Seagull, Flamingo? Yeah, I bet it couldn't be. I'm going to take a guess.

I feel like we probably have talked about this already. I've just forgotten because I'm too stupid to maintain all this information anymore. My brain's overfilled. I want to say it happened somewhere around the 1920s. The 1950s? What? There was no refrigerators before the 50s? Well, not the refrigerators.

I'm sorry. It was air conditioning in Vegas is what I was looking at. Oh. Sorry, I missed. I'm sorry. I was rambling. I was going with both. What casino was it?

It was going with any. So casino was this? Flamingo? I was going with any. So air conditioning and refrigeration were different. We went with the Ice House, which is the blocks of ice that they used to use for ice boxes. When do you think they invented the refrigerator where they didn't have to do that? What came first, the refrigerator or the ice chest? I'll check, but I think they... Man. I'll check but I think they so with air conditioning the 50s

so the big roaring times of the Vegas eruption was probably right after that then yeah it had to be like right after it was invented well there was a difference about air conditioning though the standard air conditioning we have now but I used to work at Sears Robux

in Boyle Heights it's an old Sears building and they in 1987, there was a big earthquake. And I was working there. And all the water came down. They have an old swamp cooler. So it's like a big shell with a bunch of water in it. And that's really an old air conditioner. By the mid to late 1930s, swamp coolers cooled homes by maybe 15 degrees, but added humidity.

Yes. It was bad, dude. Swamp coolers. I like the name, man. Swamp coolers. It was a man of wood. I had to clean one of those motherfuckers, man. It was huge.

It was bigger than that for the whole building. That's crazy. And it broke and all the water came down. Yeah, man. that for the whole building that's crazy and it broke another water came down yeah man air conditioning if you live in the northeast in the summertime it gets wet like i lived in boston it was a wet place like when when the summertime would come around you wouldn't it wouldn't just be that it was hot out it was hot and wet you know things get sweaty as fuck mosquitoes are everywhere yeah real muggy it's a weird feeling but it's cool because you realize it's not It was hot and wet. Things get sweaty as fuck. Mosquitoes are everywhere. Yeah, real muggy.

It's a weird feeling. But it's cool because you realize it's not going to happen very long. So when it is muggy, the thing about real contrast weather, that's one thing we just don't get in California. We don't get a contrast. If you live in a place like New York, you'll have a summer that is brutally hot and muggy. And people are walking around sweating and they're like, holy shit, it's fucking hot out. It's fucking hot, dog.

But you'll also have a winter where you've got your shit pulled up to your face. You're fucking dying, man. You can't wait to get on that train or that bus or hop in an Uber. You just got to get out of this fucking cold. Oh, oh. And you're in the cab and they're like, take me to this place. The cab takes you to that place. You all pile out and immediately run

inside. Man, there's something about that that sucks at the time, but it's good for people. You don't get the hell here, man. Right here in LA, 1070, leg warmers. Uggs. Yeah, people are ugging it up everywhere They ug it up

Sometimes they bring in those boots too soon They bring in the uggs when they're wearing shorts Girls are allowed to do that We don't say shit They can do whatever they want Basically They're running fashion for sure They decide

Right that's why fanny packs went away It's because of girls They're like uh uh Guys went alright That's what happened Fanny packs went away. It was because of girls. They were like, uh-uh. Guys went, all right. That's what happened. Fanny packs are trying to make a comeback. I remember there was a fanny pack. That was probably the only fanny pack I wanted to get.

I think I saw it on Guns and Ammo. It was a fanny pack. And on the inside, it had a holster for a little.38. Yeah. You trying to rob me, son? There's a video that Burt Kreischer just put up On his Instagram

Of a dude pulling his Pistol out Shooting himself in the leg Trying to be Quick draw McGraw And shot himself in the leg He goes I just fucking

Shot myself And Burt Kreischer With all the tears Coming out of his eyes Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's so funny man Burt Kreischer has a New Netflix special Coming out August 24th Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He's so funny, man. Bert Kreischer has a new Netflix special coming out August 24th.

Netflix. Bert Kreischer. I forget what it's called. But Bert's going to be here the night before. We're going to hype it up. Secret time. Secret time. Maybe we'll shave an S in his chest for secret time. He's a good dude, that guy. He's a very good dude. I've been a cool dude that guy he's a very good dude i've

been on this podcast once he's a very good dude very good guy we got a lot of good guys the machine yeah like comedy today is a good time it is a lot of good people man it is it's a great time funny people and cool people and it's fun yeah it's fun fun and happy again like the old time when i saw you at that gig. Yeah, those were fun times, man. Happy times. Dublin. Yep.

Go across the street. See Chewy play. Yeah. But when everything's good like that, it's good for everybody. It's like it makes the whole community more positive. And it seems like we're helping out more young people coming up. They develop a nice positive community too and they realize, hey man, we're all

trying to get somewhere but we're not against each other. We should be supporting each other and it'll help everybody. It'll help you, it'll help me. There'll be more positive vibes flowing around. Everybody will be happy. We inspire each other. We're not competing against each other. If someone don't say fuck him say goddamn

he did it I could do it too you can set the same amount of energy could be put into both ways of thinking about it but one way is so much more positive for you and for everybody around you and still allows you to have a competitive instinct because you're still competing against yourself you're competing to do better but you're looking at the people around you as inspiration rather than as competition. So instead of having this negative combative relationship with everybody around you that's also succeeding, you have this really cooperative, excited feeling about it.

That's entirely possible in business. That's entirely possible in friendship. That's how people should try or should aspire to interface with things. Always try to be as positive as you can. You give the same amount of energy you can give towards positive and still fulfill all those same amount of instincts of like kicking ass and doing well. Do it against yourself. Like compete against yourself. Don't think about it as those other people are taking something away from you think about it as they're giving you an opportunity to look at what's possible if you

really dedicate yourself and you should choose that as a valuable life lesson like wow look at that guy doing so well or look at this girl like kicking ass and doing all this how does she accomplish that how she write all those things how does she make all these movies how does she do all these things like fuck but people don't do that the natural instinct is to look at someone who's like some? crazy like super Competitive person like the rock or something like that like you see the rock. He's in everything He's in everything you want to shit on him, but he's such a nice guy you can't it's a real problem Like you could do that guy could do terrible movie after terrible movie. No one cares because he's such a good guy.

He could do whatever he wants. He seemed like a nice guy. He's a very nice guy. And he's the real deal. That's really what he does. I mean, that guy really does show up at a fucking hotel room, four o'clock in the morning, flies across the world, and immediately starts working out.

Wow. He's an animal. You want to be inspired? That guy's worth more money than everyone. He makes more money than anybody that's ever made any money in movies. He's a fucking juggernaut. He's so out of control.

Every movie he does is a blockbuster. Meanwhile, he still shows up at a place. They got one of them elliptical machines waiting for him. They got weights waiting for him they got weights waiting for him he goes to town he'll do like 45 minutes of cardio

when he fucking lands flying across the world lift weights for an hour like he just keeps going he just keeps going he finds a way to not complain stay positive

and just keep going I read half of his book and I'm that's very like that's a lot for you? I remember that when he was third string and playing fucking football in Canada, he was sharing a mattress with the last guy who got kicked out of a team. Jesus.

Fuck. To be now a superstar, I mean, I don't even know how many millions he makes a movie, but everybody sees his movies. He's such a good guy. But here's, be really clear, that kind of genetics, like what that guy is, that is just like we were talking about with Iceland. That's the same shit. That's the same shit with the Pacific Islands, man. That's some warrior DNA, son.

That's a giant man. That's a huge, super powerful man who fucking is so driven like we are lucky we are lucky that dude is not on the biggest fucking horse he could find with the biggest battle axe i mean that's what these people come from man you don't get to be that big if you don't have like some sort of a great lineage of warriors behind you. I mean, that's so much bigger than most people. Bigger than Schwarzenegger. Dude, he's so big.

But all those guys, like that guy that plays the Mountain on Game of Thrones, like what in the holy fuck? That guy's so big. You know that that dude came out of some warrior bloodline some crazy viking bloodline because before guns that was what was most important so when you see a guy like the rock or you see a guy you're like wow that guy looks like a conqueror yeah because that's what he comes from 100 like he's a warrior that dude who plays thor What's that dude's name? Chris Helmsworth? Chris Helmsworth. That dude, listen.

That dude, he's a goddamn specimen. Or Aquaman. What is this, Jamie? Body comparison of the rock to the mountain. Who is the mountain? The mountain's behind him. He's 150 pounds on him. Oh my God.

According to this. Oh, the mountain from Game of Thrones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Holy shit. Put that again. Oh, the mountain from Game of Thrones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Holy shit. Put that again. Look how much bigger he is.

That's like... That's significant. And a good, like, six, seven inches. He's so big. That guy's so big. How tall is he? Six, nine or some shit? Six, nine, yeah.

Six, nine. Dude, that is so crazy. I weigh more than both of them. That's not true. Oh, wow. No, the mountain weighs like 390. Yeah. Doesn't he?

386. Fuck. Yeah, 386. He's 6'9". He weighs 386 pounds. Like, to put that in perspective, former world boxing champion. Fuck is his name? The crazy gypsy dude.

I'm sorry. Friends? No. What the fuck is his name? The crazy gypsy dude. I'm sorry. Fred? No. The guy, he's the last guy to beat, Vladimir Klitschko. God damn it. How am I not remembering his name? Tyson Fury.

Right? Yes, that's it. Sorry, Tyson. That guy's a beast. Tyson Fury. He's 6'9", and he weighs 250. Damn. And he's a world boxing champion.

He gave up the title. He was going through some struggles, some health struggles, some mental health struggles, too, and gained a shitload of weight. And then he got real fat and then got all the way down to like a super healthy weight again. And I don't know if he's boxed since. I feel like he has. Shit. Find out if he's boxed since. When was the last time he boxed?

But he's going to box soon, I know. And he looks, he's in phenomenal shape. So when was the last time he fought? Does the Wikipedia say? I feel like the last time he fought is when he outpointed Vladimir Klitschko. And then afterwards, he had a real struggle. Maybe just because all of a sudden he became the champ and he's freaking out and maybe partying too much or something. He fought in June.

He fought just recently, right? Yep. So literally last month. Yeah. And who did he beat? Sefer Safiri. Did he beat him by decision? I don't know.

Doesn't say? I'll show you. RTD. Where is it? The decision. RTD round four. What does that mean? I don't know.

Referee something? Technical knockout? No, because it's TD, technical technical decision maybe it's uh someone got head butted and they got cut what happened so find out what happened in that fight so just google the fight we'll figure out what happened anyway if you go to his instagram page he's jacked now like shredded six-pack bang bang bang looks great but you gotta think he's 250 that big motherfucker who's the same height as him is 140 pounds heavier than him. You know how insane that is?

That is fucking insane. That's so big. 140 steaks. Just take 140 T-bones. Just slap them all over that dude's body. Just chucked. That used to be everything. What were they doing before acting?

Doorman somewhere? Smashing people. Randomly. I don't know, man. I don't know what he was doing. He could be a doorman anywhere, man. He's the world's strongest man, though. He's one of those guys.

He does those world's strongman competitions. Those guys are fucking strong, bro. With the handles on the logs. They hoist the logs. And they look fat, too. He quit after fourth round. Say that again? The guy retired after the fourth round.

Oh, the guy quit. Retired. So he retired on his stool. Say that again? The guy retired after the fourth round. Oh, the guy quit. Retired. Oh, so he retired on his stool. No mas. So he said no mas. Sounded like it was an interesting event. Yeah. The crowd was getting pissed, and there was a fight in the stands.

Why was the crowd getting pissed? Probably because of what happened, I think. Because the fight got stopped? Because the dude quit? Yeah. Tyson Fury's a beast. He's a really good boxer. But he came up to way over 300 pounds, real fat and then lost it all got down to 250

now he's smiling and laughing on his instagrams like you figured it out like i like that like when someone goes to the dark lands and then comes back look at him he's a big tall motherfucker look how tall he is dude six nine and he can box his ass off He's very slick Like deceptively slick You know he's a traveler He's like one of them badass gypsy dudes Like there's quite a few of those in boxing right now These are you know tough fucking people And he can perform under pressure too

Like he gets loose in there He's huge man He's so big dude Can he box? He can box his ass off, man. I just don't know why this guy... So they're just standing in front of each other. Yeah, it's like they're fucking around for like two rounds almost,

and then he landed some blows, and I'll go to the end here and see what happens. Let's see what happens at the end. Because if the guy just quit, and there was no point where he was hurt, then it's disgraceful. So he's beating him up here. Yeah, well, Tyson Fury's a legit...

Yeah, he's fucking him up. He's a legit world championship caliber boxer. He beat Vladimir Klitschko in his prime. I mean, at the end of his reign, but he was still in his prime because his next fight against Anthony Joshua was fantastic. Klitschko knocked Joshua down, had Joshua deep in deep trouble. And then Joshua came back and stopped him.

And Joshua knocked him down first. Then he knocked Joshua down second. So it was like Anthony Joshua is clearly, if not the best, at least it's between him and Deontay Wilder right now until they fight, the best, most dangerous heavyweights of our era. And Klitschko almost beat him almost knocked him out so when Tyson Fury beat him before that he was beating a prime time Klitschko and he just outboxed him man so the dude just quit what was he getting was he getting beat up while I was talking too much I mean no go a little bit a little bit more so this guy's all cut up around this is all the highlights I mean they, they probably showed most of it.

Yeah, he was getting hurt. He was getting hurt for sure. Like right there he got hurt. But you've got to try to figure out a way to mitigate this. You've got to figure out when. I mean, he's going back to his corner. He's not wobbling. You're supposed to be trying to figure out a way to get past that dude.

And if you can't figure out a way to get past that dude, why'd you take the fight? That's it. It's the video. Stop. But I guess he probably thought he could beat that guy before he got in with him. And then while you're in the middle of it, you know what happens? Who that happens to? Lomachenko.

Lomachenko guys just quit. Guys quit on their corner. World-class guys. They're on their corner and they just go, fuck this. I'm not going back out there. That was like one of his more recent fights against a really high-level guy. Lomachenko is so good. He boxes guys out so convincingly.

They're like, look, I'm going out. This guy keeps teeing up on me. I'm not making it. We're cutting this shit short right here. And they'll do it with a straight face. They're like, enough of this. But that's because he's so much better. What you're seeing with Tyson Fury there, that guy was definitely getting beat up.

And maybe he definitely needed to stop that fight. But the way he's getting beat up is not like the same way Lomachenko does. When Lomachenko does it, it looks like the end is near, son. You better get off this fucking train. We're going right into a brick wall. You think there might not end it when you just give up? Who give up who knows man i mean we didn't watch the actual fight he might have tyson fewer most likely i think probably hit him with some big shots and you know we're looking at it from an outside perspective but he knows he's in big big trouble it's a smart move i mean people

get they boo and they get angry when someone who's a real warrior steps out of a fight but i can remember when nigel ben fought gerald mcclellan and it was a big big fight at the time because they were both just knockout artists and crazy wild dudes with ferocious punching power and Gerald McClellan cut a shit ton of weight really way too much weight and he was a really big light heavyweight and when he went in there and fought Gerald McClellan or when he fought a nigel ben rather they had a clash of heads and it was a crazy like non-stop first round action where gerald mcclellan hurt nigel ben see if you can find that gerald mcclellan gerald mcclellan hurt

nigel ben knocked him through the ropes it looked like the fight was over and nigel ben comes back he gets back up and they're going at it and there's a crazy head butt in there too and during the head butt i mean they're throwing bombs back and forth but um jerry mcclellan takes a knee shortly afterwards and then goes to his corner and stops and the the people that are watching i remember saying like why is he doing that like why would he stop a fight like you know it doesn't make any sense. And then boom, he, he's fucked.

And then they take him to the hospital and this is it. This is what? This is round 10 right before. I think I saw. This is right before the headbutt. Yeah. So during the first round, I see,

I thought it was a shorter fight. During the first round, they had collided and Joe McClellan hit him with some big shots and it looked like the fight was over I'm pretty sure that was the first round but when when whatever happened happened oh look at that right hand by Nigel Ben oh that's ferocious oh dude see I totally remembered this wrong I remember a clash of heads look at that that eye, though, man. Damn, I 100% remember this wrong. Because he got up, and he's in trouble, and Nigel Bent's hitting him again.

See, I don't remember him. That's interesting how that works, man. You haven't seen a fight in 20 years, and you have this stupid memory of it in your head. Oh, look at that uppercut he hit him with. So I think this is the end of the fight. So I think he was really struggling at this point. I think he waited out his whole count.

That's it. He waited out his whole count on his knee, and I think some people were critical of that at the time. This is crazy, man. So anyway, after this fight, Gerald McClellan had severe brain bleeding and was taken to the hospital. And he's never been the same since.

Damn, man. Nigel Benn was a beast, man. They were both beasts. Gerald McClellan was a knockout artist at the time man see if you google Gerald McClellan KO highlights the thought was that it was going to be one day Gerald McClellan versus Roy Jones Jr that they were going to have a super fight that was like a big like one of them Pacquiao Mayweather type fights for that era wow man he got hit hard, man. I remember getting hit in the face like that.

Why do I remember him getting hit? Maybe I'm just completely delusional, or maybe that was somewhere in that mix, but certainly it was the big bombs from McClellan that dropped him in the first round, and the big bombs from Nigel Benn. I want to see the first round, too, because from what I remember, it was a crazy comeback because Nigel Benn was really hurt in that first round, but just showed insane heart

and figured out how to keep going, where a lot of people were like, this fight is over, this fight is over. I'll look for that real quick. But you see in those highlight reels, he was a knockout artist. Man. But now he's in real, real, real, real bad shape. He's in a wheelchair. From that fight, he went blind.

He had severe bleeding on his brain and never really recovered. He could have died in that ring. Oh, yeah. Absolutely could have died. So here's the first round. Look at this first round. Insane. You think we're going to win?

Look at this. Nigel Benn falls through the ropes. Go back a little bit. Go back a little bit. So you can see how fucking insane this... Go to the beginning of it. You see how insane this combination is. I mean, McClellan came out guns blazing

and hit him with some serious bombs, man. Look at this. He hit him with a couple good shots there, good right hand, a good left hook to the body. So this is the beginning of the fight. You're thinking, oh, my God, this fight is fucking over. Look at that left hook, left hook to the body. Right.

Boom, boom. I mean, McClellan was a destroyer. Look at this. And this is when he's blasting him through the ropes. You're like, holy shit, this fight is over. Nigel Benn comes back from this to win like 10 rounds later, which is insane. Insane.

Look at him. I mean, clearly he's hurt. He's kind of wobbly. But Jerry McLellan just couldn't keep this up. Nigel Benn survived and came back. Those are like mad intangibles in a fight that's why the the best description of fights is always the theater of the unknown because you really never know what the fuck is going to happen when you get these two world-class knuckle slingers throwing fucking

haymakers at each other like this look at mcclellan oh nigel ben comes back with a right and he clinches now mcclellan's Oh, Nigel Penn comes back with a right. And he clinches. Now McClellan's starting to get a little tired. Right? Look at his knees. They're giving up on McClellan. Yeah, I mean, you've got to think what kind of output he's putting. He's trying to win this fight.

And Chael Sonnen told me something once that's an old boxing saying. Something along the lines of if you try to stop a fight and win by knockout but fail, you almost always lose by decision because you just blow yourself out so bad. Obviously, that's not totally the case because some people

have crazy endurance and they can try to win a fight by knockout and then recover around later. The amount of output that you do when you're throwing everything full blast like McClellan did in that first round is insane. It's like sprinting. How many punches did he throw that first round? He threw a lot, but here's the most important thing.

He's throwing a lot of them at full power. That's why it's so difficult to maintain. What most people don't realize is that most of the time we see boxers boxing they're throwing punches fast but they're being loose and fluid and when they hurt a fighter that's when they expend the most energy because then they're digging in and they're throwing things full blast and they're winding up they don't normally do that so the amount of energy that it takes to wind up and throw your hips and your fucking ass into it

and all your weight explode at the end, that's much more than to be just a technical boxer. So when they're throwing technical punches and they're moving fast, they're not exerting the same amount of energy. See, when you're trying to knock somebody out, like McClellan clearly was in his first round, you are running uphill with a weight sack on your back and you can only do it for so long so as we go into the second round like look you see he's already really tired

so it was as much like that headshot there it was as much his weight cut as it was his strategy to try to win the first round as it was Nigel Ben's ability to absorb punishment and come back strong because Ben is looking fantastic here in the second round look at him But it was a big wake-up call to a lot of boxers that if you engage in wild brawls Even when you were one of the elite of the elite like Gerald McClellan was at the time You could still get you know brain bleeding and be fucked up and a lot of people attribute that to that weight cut because he had a he had to dehydrate himself quite a bit back then you think his game plan from his culture was get this guy out in the first round it could be but it could be that he hurt him and he figured he could get

him out in the first round you know I mean McClellan was a killer that was his thing if he if he hurt you he was coming after you. So what's that? So he had 14 straight knockouts and 10 were in the first round. Yeah, I mean, come on, man. That's what Gerald McClellan did. So when it didn't work out against a guy like Nigel Benn, Nigel Benn figured out how to maintain his energy better in that fight. That's a dangerous strategy,

empty all your bullets out in the first round. He was just on defense for the first three rounds. But meanwhile, that's what was his success formula up until then. That was what was working. You don't know it doesn't work until it don't work anymore. 14 straight knuckles that way? Yeah. I mean, dude,

do you remember when we used to think that nobody could beat Tyson? Yeah. Remember? Dude, when we were little, when we were young, we thought, I think it was like, when did he lose? 86? Did he lose in like 1986? To Buster Douglas. Yeah.

What year was that? 90, 89, 90. Google that. He moved, he did it, I was definitely doing comedy at the time. And I definitely saw it with my friend Ron after the fact. February 11th, 1990. 1990.

Damn. So from that point on, we knew he could lose. Before that, every Tyson fight, you're like, man, I'm not going to bother watching.

Why do people even want to fight that guy? They're just getting killed. What were the odds of him winning? Like 42, I think. 42 to 1. Somebody got paid. Somebody got paid. Some crazy number.

I think it was 42. I think it was one of the highest underdogs ever that won. Yeah, 42. 42. And he won by knockout. Buster Douglas was fantastic back then, man. He fucked him up, huh? Well, dude, Buster Douglas is a crazy example of a guy who always had a tremendous amount of talent.

He was always regarded as people that were in the know in boxing. I heard them talk about him. They would always talk about how smooth he was in training. And when he's at his best, he's literally like a world championship fighter. But he never totally put it together as far as his discipline and training camp. But then his mom died. And he decided he was going to fuck Mike Tyson up for his mother. Fuck.

And he trained really, really hard. So it was a perfect storm of Mike Tyson being king of the world. He's just fucking everybody up. Doesn't even feel like he has to train anymore. He's just being the world heavyweight champion. That's what they're like. The reason why they become that guy in the first place is because they have this ability to indulge and excess and go crazy. He's buying tigers and Lamborghinis and shit.

And all along the way, Buster Douglas, for that fight trained like a demon and still almost lost still almost lost that's how good tyson was when tyson was in his prime as a knockout artist he was so lethal that even though buster douglas and him fought and buster douglas eventually went up knocking him out he knocked him out after mike tyson knocked buster douglas down and had him hurt and don king after the fight, even protested and said that the count was more than 10, and that when Buster Douglas was down, the referee gave him

an extra couple seconds to recover that he shouldn't have had. I remember that was like a big protest after the fight. But even then, I mean, even with shitty training, you know, not taking this guy seriously at all, even then, I mean, even with shitty training, you know, not taking this guy seriously at all, even then, Mike Tyson still knocked Buster Douglas down and almost knocked him out with one punch.

What round did he knock him out, Buster Douglas? That was the longest Tyson fight he ever had, right? No, he's had decisions. He had decisions. I think he had a decision against Bone Crusher Smith. This video here has both knockdowns simultaneous, so you can see the different 10 counts, I guess. Okay, let's see it.

Boom. He clipped him with an uppercut, right? There's three, four, eight. He's only on three on the left. He's like on five or six on the right. Oh, that's so different. Oh, that's so different. Oh, that's so different. He was counting in room and numbers.

Yeah. Oh, man. It was the end of the round. It was the very end of the round, so Buster got a break. So look, that's just how it goes. Go to the very beginning again, please. Five, six seconds. Go to the very beginning again so I can see the punch.

Here it is. Right there. Yeah. Boom. Look at that uppercut. That's a beautiful uppercut Tyson nailed nailed him with two two three four five six seven eight nine ten you're out you're out buster yeah he's only on eight on buster there no he's out he's out do that again that seems like he's out right doesn't it yeah let's

try again ready boom he goes down one two three four five six seven eight nine ten he's out someone distracted him on number 8. Yeah. Does that stop the count? Is that how that works? It was a longer pause. Is that how that works? A split second when he turns around and goes, Watch the 6, 7, 8 on Mike Tyson here.

There's 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Yeah, that guy's way quicker. Is that the same guy? Yeah. Oh, that's ridiculous. ridiculous Dude you suck at counting You were counting in Spanish On the other one Uno, dos, tres

That's a fucking crazy hard job man You're in the middle of the moment You know there's all this hype going on You're freaking the fuck out Yeah But it's the same guy Because it's the same fight So how

How does the same guy count real slow for Buster Douglas and way faster for Mike Tyson? The description of the video says this clearly demonstrates that he gave them both the exact same amount of time. Oh? Really? That's not what we saw. Let's try that again.

Let's try that again. Let's count for Tyson. We'll count for Tyson first. Ready? Tyson goes down. Boom. What a combination. Buster Douglas.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. He got knocked down to right around 50 on the clock on the screen. You can see it. And how many seconds was it? He picked him up at 38 is when he knocked him. It was actually in there, 51. Okay. So it's like 13 seconds.

Yeah. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. They're both out. Yeah. They're both out. I. They're both out. You could have called it either way you wanted. The counting is definitely slower on Buster Douglas, but they're definitely both out.

But either way, if you said seven, I bet Butts, instead of four, if you sped the count up by a second, you don't think Buster Douglas could have gotten up quicker? I bet he could have. I mean, he was waiting for the guy to hit eight so he stands up right which what you do you you take as much time as you can especially after you got legitimately hurt like that you're supposed to do that so the the question is like would he have been able to if the guy had counted a little quicker and you know eight came where seven was or six was would he been able to i think

he probably would have the question is would have t he have been able to? I think he probably would have. The question is, would Tyson have been able to get to him with one punch before the bell? That might have knocked him out. Yeah. You know, okay, fight. You get him back up again, and it's three extra seconds, and Tyson storms forward and connects with a punch. Tyson gets two head shots to the face, though.

Dude, crazy shots. There's this guy right here. Watch this white glove. Is he the official count or is the referee the official count? This guy? That's the finger, bro. That's what his name is. His nickname is the finger.

Really? He counts way faster. Watch him. Let's watch the finger. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Oh, yeah. By the fingers count. That dude's out.

They're both out cold. I'm going with the finger forever. Captain White Glove. Michael Jackson over there counting. Michael Jackson. That's who it is. We'll go with Mike. Magician.

Yeah, man. That was an insane fight, though, because you couldn't believe Mike Tyson could lose. Even when I watched it, I remember I heard about it first, and then I watched it. And I still remember thinking, I can't believe what I'm watching. He's going to get up and he's going to knock this dude out. For sure.

I couldn't believe he lost. It was like, it's over then. You couldn't believe that he could lose. People don't understand today. There's never been someone that was as dominant for like a scary moment in like boxing history

than Mike Tyson. Because even though you knew Roy Jones was going to fuck up whoever he fought, the way he was going to fuck up, even if he knocked him out with one punch, it wasn't going to be this horrific storming by a destroyer just coming after your soul. Roy Jones would box your face off, hit you with lead left hooks and straight right hands that are way faster than anything you can duck. He would fuck people up, but he would fuck people up with a certain style and movement and speed, whereas Tyson would just destroy folks.

Tyson would hit you, mug you at the same time, man. It's like all anger. So fast. All the hood in you. And he was solid like sledgehammer. 220 pounds, but moved like a 160-pound guy. You couldn't believe it at the time. There had never been a heavyweight like him before.

There was heavyweights that moved amazing like Ali. Ali had the most amazing footwork of anybody. Just smooth and flowing and changed what the game was. It was in front of people. The ropey dope. This is a crazy video of Ali that uh someone had on their uh instagram page one of those boxing pages where he's fighting someone and the guy throws two three four punches in a row and ali's got his hands down and just barely moving his head away with each

punch just like bitch you can't hit me he just had a there was a magic about what he was doing that you were like how is a heavyweight moving like that he had a fast jab too tyson was a magic about what he was doing that you were like, how is a heavyweight moving like that? He had a fast jab, too. Tyson was a totally different kind of strategy. Those strategies will be argued to the end of time. Like, what would have happened if Mike Tyson had fought Muhammad Ali, both in their primes? What would have happened? Man, what would have happened?

It would have been fucking crazy, I'll tell you that. If we had Mike Tyson at his very best, before shit went completely crazy, he started giving out Rolls Royces to cops and walking around with his tiger in his underwear before all that stuff. Before biting ears. Yeah, for sure, before biting ears.

The biting ears thing was when, you know, Evander was, you know, when Evander beat him in that first fight, no one could believe it. No one could believe it. Even though Tyson had lost to Buster Douglas, everybody assumed that Tyson lost because he hadn't been training and he really hadn't been focused.

And then when he went to jail, he came out of jail and he looked jacked. Remember? He looked way more jacked. He had a ridiculous six-pack. Remember that shit? Tattoo on his face. Son. No, he got the tattoo on his face afterwards, right?

Yeah. After jail. I think he got the tattoo on his face. In jail, right? I don't think so. I think he had Mao tattooed on his arm. What does it say here? Mike Tyson opens up.

Oh, that was when he got arrested by that Joe Arpaio guy. He had to do time in that Arizona. He was living in Arizona for a while and he had to do that Joe Arpaio shit where they make you wear pink. You got pink handcuffs on. Dude. Mike Tyson though when he was in

his prime. That was when he just got out of jail. That was the Mike Tyson fresh out of jail. Just jacked. That was 95. Tyson fresh out of jail. Just jacked! That was 95. First fight after release. That was against some unfortunate white fella that looks like he would be what was his name? Peter McNeely?

Yes. Peter McNeely. Tough guy. Just wasn't ready for that. The video of him talking to hype up the fight is hilarious. If you go watch it now. No, he's hilarious. He was like a guy who would be carrying the money bag. He'd be a guy that you'd say, bring him to Peter, and Peter would break your face.

Hey, you owe money, you fuck. Boom. He was a bold guy, though. I remember him. Give me some volume. Jim Gray looking young and dapper. For just a moment, before you go out into the ring, your thoughts. Look at him. Young Joey. Mike Tyson. I remember him. Give me some volume. Jim Gray looking young and dapper. For just a moment before you go out into the ring,

your thoughts. Look at him. Young Joey. Look at him. This is for my grandfathers, my grandmothers, my father,

my mother, Curly, my three brothers Last but not least Snubby Snubby Left hand for Snubby Mr. McNeely, what was it that you have told your son?

Whoa, whoa, whoa And last but not least Medfield Medfield, Massachusetts in the house That is a guy from Medfield That is a guy from Medfield! Medfield, Massachusetts in the house. That is a guy from Medfield. That is a guy from Medfield. If you've ever been to Medfield, Massachusetts, no disrespect. That makes sense.

Fucking Medfield! Fucking Lovo! Revere's in the house! Dorchester! That's hilarious. Lowell. Tough. Yeah, Lowell.

Lowell's a big one, man. Lowell's hardcore. Mickey Ward came. Lowell. Tough. Yeah, Lowell. Lowell's a big one, man. Lowell's hardcore. Mickey Ward came from Lowell. Me and my friend Jimmy Lawless, we saw Mickey Ward box somebody. Some famous dude. I feel like he boxed some old-time dude. Damn it. Jimmy just told me about this recently, too, and I forgot what it was.

But we were both like, couldn't have been more than like 19, something like that. We went to see Mickey Ward box. It was crazy, man. Going to see live boxing is so weird because there's no commentary. Like I'd only seen it at home. Yeah. Like you ever see a live boxing match? Yes.

It's weird. It's oddly quiet, you know? What does it say? Greg Young. Is that where he fought? In 95? 85. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

That's probably exactly it. That means I was 18. Yeah. Skating rink. Yep. Yeah, Lawrence, Massachusetts he fought. I guess it was this guy Greg Young. Why did I think it was an older guy?

There's a couple more right here, I guess, in the same spot the next year. Oh, okay. John Raffuse. Yeah. I don't remember any of those names, unfortunately. I erased all that. Edwin Corrette? Hold on. When did he fight Edwin Corrette? Go back up. That was in Atlantic

City. Edwin Corrette is like an old school tough dude. Yeah. He lost to Corrette. Corrette was a beast. Mickey Ward, man. Those fights with Turo Gatti, those are some of the all-time most exciting and barbaric boxing matches ever.

When two dudes are just that close to each other, like that close skill-wise, like when they go at it just back and forth and back and forth and nobody quits. Those fights were insane, man.

My dad, he loved boxing. He used to always go boxing, to watch Mexican boxing at the Forum. He used to, every Tuesday nights, there used to be these crazy Mexican boxers, but they were all featherweight, lightweight. There was a guy named Ruben Olivares. He was lightweight.

There was Pepino Cuevas. Yeah, vicious left hook. Olivares. He was lightweight. There was Pepino Cuevas. Yeah. Vicious left hook. And there's this guy, this Cuban guy who was real awesome. Napoles, Mantequilla Napoles. Mantequilla Napoles. Wasn't Pepino Cuevas the guy that fought? He fought Hearns, right?

Yeah, Hitman fucked him up. Hitman fucked him up with that straight right hand. He was on his way too, man. Yeah. My friend does boxing now with that straight right hand. He was on his way too, man. My friend does boxing now with Beto Duran. He does the boxing now for Golden Boy. No shit, man. What does he do?

My friend announces the fights. They have boxing every once in a while in downtown LA at some regular hotel, at a club and they have young boxers. He sits ringside and he commented. A lot of young incoming boxers. No shit, man.

Yeah. Man, that's a crazy gig. So is he traveling around with that too? Is he going to all these international shows? I think he does the local ones. He does local ones like when they fight over there at Santa Fe Spring Casino or Morongo, those type of fights. This is a good time right now for boxing.

Oh, yeah, man. Very, very exciting matchups. A lot of people. Canelo and Triple G. Woo! I can't wait for that rematch. Me too, man. I'm performing the day before of that show.

Are you really? Where? I'm going to be at the Hard Rock Cafe the day before the fight on a Friday. Fuck. Get there early, people. Road trip. Road trip.

Road trip. I'll meet you at the weigh-in. That is going to be an intense fight, man. That first fight was intense. I thought Triple G won. I just hope nothing happens between now and the fight. You know, that might cause some bullshit. Don't get injured.

Please don't get injured. Nobody get injured. Nobody test positive. Nobody get injured. Nobody hit no wall when you're upstairs. Nobody hit a wall. Nobody drive crazy. Don't do anything. Nobody get injured. Nobody test positive. Nobody hit no wall when you're upstairs. Nobody hit a wall. Nobody drive crazy. Don't do anything stupid.

Jesus Christ. You're dealing with two prime time crushers. What day is that? November or November 3rd, I think. I like watching shit at home, man. I don't want to go there. Too many humans. Everyone's jammed in.

I have to do that so many times for the UFC. When I'm not working for the UFC, I like to be home watching fights. You watch it with your friends or alone, chilling, hitting a fat bull? Sometimes I just want to watch it by myself. But a lot of times, the only time I'm watching fights by myself, if it's a UFC fight and I'm not commentating, is because we don't have a fight companion. We do these fight companions.

If we're home, if Callan's home do these fight companions like if we're home with a count home and shab and eddie bravo we're all home while a ufc is on the road somewhere we'll watch it in here and we'll play it and we'll talk shit while the fights are going on that's the most fun man it's the most fun thing of all time of all time eddie bravo's always busting out some ridiculous conspiracies and crazy jujitsu talk and then it might go to music we might just start talking about music for an entire fight and not even pay attention to the fight it's a it's a fun gig man it's like we're such good friends we've known each other for so long that when we we get together and fuck around like this is just really fun no gracie gracie yeah i'm sorry yeah sorry yeah right now I'm wearing his dad

yeah respect Elio Gracie if it wasn't for this dude man he's one of the most important people in the history of

martial arts right here this gentleman you know that family whoo that's a crazy contributing family to the history of

martial arts for sure the number one family in the history of Jiu Jitsu I mean by far and arguably the number one family in the history of jiu-jitsu. I mean, by far, and arguably the number one family in the history of all martial arts. I mean, that's a debate that people will have

to the end of the time, but it's a pretty strong candidate for the number one most influential family in the history of martial arts. Woo! How'd they get started with that? I'll get you started. You tell me you want to go.

You tell me when. You tell me where you want to go You tell me when You tell me where I'll hook it up for you We'll figure out where you live I see Joey training Don't talk about where you live on the show Because people show up Yeah, I see Joey training

Every once in a while on the road Joey trains like a motherfucker, dude Joey trains all the time He'll train three, four days a week He just got his blue belt, right? Yep, yep I just got my blue belt, cocksucker Legit

Look And here's what you have to realize If Joey Diaz gets on top of you, you're not getting up. Okay? You better accept that. He's strong, man. Joey's not just heavy. He's a strong guy. His hands, man, they're like backcatcher's mitts.

He's a gorilla. He's a big old gorilla. When I met Joey, Joey was only like 220 pounds. He was like a football player. There's an old school photo of him. i met him in like somewhere in the late 90s he he was like built just like a like an enforcer like a big brutish guy you know he wasn't uh he didn't get that fat at all but when he got that fat was also when he got that funny it's crazy like he just didn't give a fuck anymore with anything, with food, with anything, with partying.

He became just a monster. It's so funny. I remember the first time I saw him was at the Laugh Factory. It was late 90s. Big dude. Cuban. Cubano. And he had this crazy bitch.

Joey Karate. Joey Karate. We got to get him to revise Joey Karate. That is for sure Hey fucko Hey fucko That is for sure my all time favorite character I remember he had this

And then he had Man by the dumpster Joey Karate though is the best Fucko it's Joey Karate today you understand me And you're here for the UFC Minute A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana. A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana reports. A lot of people see me in the sports reports. But nobody really knows I'm a trained fucking assassin.

A Cuban black belt. I lost my rank on the fucking boat ride over. They knocked me down on Greenbelt. I lost my rank. But I'm fighting to get it back, you understand me? I take my shit back from the fucking jungles in China. Hong Kong. Bolivia. That's where I train with fucking savages. Not these little fucking guys flying

through the air. But you're lucky you caught me today. Because Joey Karate is going to give you a lock for UFC. And it's all about fucking Brazil this weekend. You understand me? My man, Anderson Silva, is going to fuck people up this weekend. You understand me? He went through Kislebin. He went through Forrest Whitaker. Forrest Griffith. Let me show you what this motherfucker has. First off, he's gonna get a good punch.

That's some Muay Thai shit. You understand me? I studied Muay Thai. Not really Thai. I don't run a Thai restaurant. I'm a fucking guy with a... So he's gonna get him in a clench, couple knees to the fucking head.

Then he's gonna kick him with a sidekick. Then he's gonna jujitsu him into some fucking samurai or some armbar or some fucking... And he's gonna fucking choke him up. It's that simple. That's Anderson Silva. You understand? But neither is traditional. And that's it, baby. Don't forget UFC. Catch me next week with all my other things. You understand me? Next week we're going to cover stretching and flying through the fucking air

with Joey Karate. Thank you for watching. Perfect music, too. Whoever did the music nailed it. He lost a lot of weight. From now? From then to now? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, man. A lot of weight. Is he a spokesperson for Weight Watchers? Is that what he's doing? I don't know. Is he really? I think he is. I think he's doing something for Weight Watchers? Is that what he's doing? I don't know. Is he really? But I think he is. I think he's doing something for Weight Watchers.

Joey is? Yeah, Joey is. He likes Weight Watchers. That's how he lost all his weight when he lost it the first time. And then he's losing it this time. He's using it that way, too. He said they're catching up, man. They've got good science behind their food.

But even they, dude, they say you can have as many eggs as you want. You can have eggs. Eggs ain't bad for you, bro. Joey's so funny, remember? He had this one bit about he said, I went to go do a show in Tijuana and the hotel room had a bed. You put a

quarter in and a finger comes up and a finger jumps up. It goes in your ass. I went there last week. I went to do a show two years ago, though. Whole place is run down man The machine is broken. You're gonna put your own finger How long you be doing stand-up now 20 years I started in 1996 late 95 I

Started at the natural fudgeudge Cafe on Melrose. No, on, yeah, Melrose. You won last comic standing, right? I won last comic standing. How many people won that? How many different seasons did they have of that? I won season seven. I think they're in 10 now.

You know, it's a funny joke. When I won, my son's mom filed for child support the next day. And she just took half. She became the last baby mama standing. Straight up dog. Fucking bitch. I had kids when I was in high school. And they were paying no child support.

Oh, well, I can see your point. We broke even, you know. Yeah. You definitely owed some money, though, right? Yeah. You know what's crazy? When we were on Last Common Standing, they do like a background check of everybody. Yeah.

And I noticed when like some people were like slowly disappearing, you know, from the Last Common Standing. Because of background checks? Because of criminal records. Yeah. Some people were taken out of the photo. Like they were put in positions that you wouldn, from the last comment standing. Because of background checks? Because of criminal records. Yeah. Some people were taken out of the photo. Like, they were put in positions that you wouldn't take the photos. My brother, he committed a lot of crimes, and I didn't know it then. He stole my identity.

Oh, no. This NBC investigator comes up to me, like, hey, man, I see I got two files on you and two open cases on you. One of them for like possessions of crack cocaine, possessions of sale, failure to go to court. This is your brother that's also gay? No, another brother who's not gay. He's a

criminal. He's the one that came to come out of prison worse. Oh, that one. Okay. My brother, he's like the ultimate criminal. He's not on Facebook. He's not on no social media. Can't So my brother, he's like the ultimate criminal. He's not on Facebook. He's not on no social media. You can't find him anywhere.

There's no photo of him anywhere. So I had to track down his daughter on Facebook and say, man, is there a picture of you and your dad somewhere? And she sent me the photo of my brother, and then they do the comparisons of me and him and they let me go. That's hilarious. That is hilarious. So they have photos of him like committing crimes? Yeah. Like security camera photos?

Yeah, they have a photo of him in court when he got arrested. Oh, that's hilarious. Claiming he was Felipe Esparza. Oh, no. So my brother knows my birth certificate.

He knows my birthday. He knows my name. So he was just using me. Oh, no. What an asshole. He's a shit, of shit bro my other brother the gay one it's so rude sell your own brother out like that piece of shit my other brother the gay one he got pulled over for a traffic violation and he used your name too my brother used his name and my brother was um they they put him in a prison in Arizona for illegal immigrants. Oh, so your brother used both of your names?

Yes. Oh, my God. So my brother, my gay brother Fernando was on his way to prison in Arizona. Oh, no. For a crime he didn't commit. Oh, no. Luckily for him, when he was locked up, a guy that was with me in rehab knew me, and my brother and him were friends,

and he had my brother's back in prison for a few days. Jesus Christ. Could you imagine going to jail because your brother's a piece of shit, and he used your name to commit crimes? How fucking mad you would be? Stole my identity. Imagine just sitting there in prison knowing that this motherfucker risked your freedom just so that he could get out.

He's like, fuck him. Fuck him. He don't call me anymore. I'm going to use his fucking social security number. I know his name. I know his birth date. I know how tall he is. That's so crazy.

What a psycho. Damn, man. You can't pick your family. That's a real problem. That's a real problem for some folks, right? You can't pick your family, man. Anybody that thinks that there's a, hey, you fucking get what you deserve in this world bullshit little babies are born in a fucked up families you know sometimes your brother is a piece of shit he's a piece of

shit before you're even born you didn't even know and you're born later and he's just ready to dominate you and be a fucking asshole to you and And you're like, what? You know, that's what happened with Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan became Genghis Khan later in his life. But when he was younger, he killed his brother. Because his brother was stealing fish. They would go fishing. His brother would take his fish. He was like, oh, for real?

So he got together with his other brother. And they fucking ambushed their older brother and killed him with a bow and arrow. Killed his brother. What did dad say? Mom was really pissed. Look, you shouldn't have let dad steal, you shouldn't have let my brother steal my fish. Fucking lock key parent, you know?

Latch key, what is it? Imagine that, man. Killing your brother with a bow and arrow. Woo! Life was cheap back then. Or choking him to death. Oof. Jesus Christ.

Or choking him to death because the mob or whatever you're associated with, your brother got to go. So you don't know where your brother is now? My brother's probably somewhere running around in Mexico. Living in TJ. Do you want to? You think so? Yeah.

Does he ever come back no no no he's living over there he works at some pick a part area over there pick a part yeah like a pick a part

you go there for parts for your car oh there's a dude in there stolen car parts no it's a legal place you go in there you tell my brother

I'm looking for a for a door for a 79 Toyota and my brother goes yeah you gonna go over there yeah junkyards. Junkyard. Yeah.

Yeah, man, I know dudes who built cars. They would go to junkyards. Like, ah, I got to get this fender. I got to get a good fender for a 70 Chevelle. They'd go and look. And that's kind of fun, you know? If I had 100 lives, one of the things I would do is build cars.

I think that would be the coolest shit in the world. You know, I envy the fuck out of people who have done that or have the time yeah that's the thing is the time but people who have learned how to do it and get a frame and figure out how to get the frame all sandblasted and powder coated

and then you know figure out how to put the suspension on and fenders and like to really take a car apart and restore it and restore it and have it look beautiful and then drive around in it you see those guys that do that you go wow that's an admirable quality there's like that's like something very few men would ever do but every man admires a man who could do it like oh me and my brother we restored this 1969 camaro like i

i read that matt h Matt Hughes did that. Matt Hughes, who was also, at the time, UFC welterweight world champion, also restored classic cars. I was like, that's a man. You know, that's a fucking man. Like, if you take a – you could rebuild a car and then get it to the point where you're like, you did that? That's some manly activity right there, man.

Brought it back to life. That's one of the most manly things you can do. Rebuild a car. Guys who work on their own cars, that's a rare breed, son. My dad always worked on his car, man. He never went to no mechanic. Yeah? He'd be out there changing a Sparks Plus Out of the 73 Impala

By himself In the rain Dude Changing He'd be out there In the parking lot man Like all over Like renting his own

Stuff to take the Motor out of the car And put a new motor in And put it all in Different kind of man And I'm not He like And my dad never

Like He like Most dads would invite you Hey Felipe Come here Help me out Yeah my dad never, like most dads would invite you, hey, Felipe, come here and help me out. My dad never wanted no help. The first time I tried to help, you know what? Go play with your fucking toys. You just passed me the wrong wrench, asshole.

Judgmental, daddy. Thing is, too, they get locked into that. They don't want you distracting them. That's the way they're escaping. They're escaping by working on this car, wrenching things down, changing carburetors and shit. Those guys who could do that, that's a special type of guy. There's a special mechanic, man.

You know a guy who could do it. Yeah. It's weird when you invite those guys to a get-together. Yeah. They always look dirty. it I get together. Yeah, they always look dirty Like even if even if you bring your you invite your cool mechanic from the neighborhood to a party and you wearing a tux You'd be like dad there goes Joan. He still looks dirty. Oh, he's got crazy fingernail dirt. Yeah Grease under the fingernails just never comes out. You don't recognize him standing up. Hey, here's a question How many It just never comes out. You don't recognize him standing up? Hey, here's a question. Cooter.

How many people get sick from working in gas stations? I would think that working in a gas station, all those fumes, that shit's got to be terrible for you. Fumes and then all the grease and oil and breathing. Smashing your finger on stuff. Oh, that's the worst, man. Guys are always smashing their fingers and losing tips taping them fuck man when i was a kid they used to be a guy they used to fix you know there's always a guy in the neighborhood that don't know how to fix everybody's car right right right and it was this guy named eli and they're coming they're a big family There were like nine or ten people in their family.

But this guy would fix your car, but he also likes to party. Like he's to party hard, Joe. Like Beastie Boys style? But he was a Volkswagen genius. Oh, one of those guys. He knew how to fix bugs, man. Bugs were his thing, but he also was a mean drug addict. My friend, Junie, he was getting his bug fixed from him.

He had a ragtop with an oval bag, a beautiful bug. This guy, Eli, man, smokes PCP. Oh, no. And he just, remember him holding the wrenches and staring at the bug for like three hours straight not doing shit. Wow. Volkswagen's a different kind of car, man. Like a bug, you drive a bug, that's a different kind of human. You got to be a bug guy to know how to fix a bug.

Yeah. My friend Jimmy, that same friend that I went to the boxing match to see Mickey Ward fight, he also had a bug. He had a blue bug. It was the most ridiculous car. I remember being in it like we were laughing How silly it was Cause it was so You love cars right?

Oh love cars Cause I remember I remember you and Eddie Griffin The same car NSX His was dented Yours was clean Well his was automatic

Yours was cool man You would come in there man Like the fucking Like the cleaner and shit Like Harvey Keitel And I was like you know what i mean to get me one of those one day that car's a little fast dude no it wasn't the fastest car just look cool well here's the thing about those cars man they were really well balanced like it

was a good amount of power for the size of it it was a very light car like i want to say like the acura nsx wasn't even 3,000 pounds. That was it. I had a silver one. It was like a Ferrari. Somebody bought mine. You could find it. No, I had two silver ones.

You were like the wolf. I had a silver one in the late 90s, and then I had a silver one in the early 2000s. That's it right there. That was my car. That's it right there. So somebody owns it somebody bought it because i think i traded it in when i got something else but it was uh joe rogan thanks for modding it to perfection that guy's got it that's my car to this day that

was one of my all-time favorite cars definitely not the fastest car i ever drove but it wasn't about being fast it was about like the the experience of driving it was more real tactile it's a very light car and it's a mid-engine car seats were low right bucket seats and it's a japanese car it's a honda so you know it's never going to break i never had a problem with those like i had i had two of them i had one i had it for like three years and i traded it in and then i got this other one later. But in between, I had a Porsche, and that shit broke down constantly. I had a 996 Turbo, which is like 2002.

That shit broke constantly. It just kept breaking, man. All kinds of crazy shit, like the shift linkage blew two separate times, where I would go to to shift gears and it just disengaged and was just floating around on two separate occasions that happened where I couldn't shift gears and I was stuck. One time, luckily, it happened while I was driving down the road. So I was driving down the road and it popped loose and I was in second gear. I said, okay, I'm going to just wind this bitch out and get to the Porsche dealership. So I kept in second gear and just drove around in second gear through the streets near Ventura.

Wow. Ridiculous. They weren't durable cars. Did you ever go fast on that Porsche? That's the new one, son. No, I wasn't really into driving fast. What I like is a car that corners really well. I like a car that just has a connection to the road.

Dude, look at that thing. That's the new NSX. That shit looks preposterous. That's a preposterous looking vehicle. Like Knight Rider. Yeah, but the only problem I have with this car is the problem I have with all these cars. They won't let you use a manual transmission.

They don't sell them with a manual transmission. The problem with that is, come on, man, we're not racing. Like, I want it to feel good like if it feels people need to remember how much better it feels to drive a manual transmission everybody wants to not learn and since a lot of people don't know i never learned that's the problem because they don't want to stall out and look like an asshole that's too much work once you learn how to drive you still stall out i stall out occasionally but the the fun that you have if with a car like that with a manual transmission is so different it's like you're

engaged you're shifting things first gear yeah man this second gear there's something cool about that and for whatever reason people are forgetting that it's a totally different experience when you drive a car that has a manual transmission versus a car that's an automatic you have more control right yeah well not really honestly you're better off with the automatic if you want to be totally honest the automatic is going to go faster it's going to have a better choice of gear selection than you are it's going to like like a lot of times in these race car drivers take like an automatic porsche like one of the new ones they take it on track they don't even take it out automatic. They don't shift the gears themselves.

If it's a double clutch gearbox, they put it in drive and they just go. Because the things are so good at picking the right gear, why fuck around? So it's better that way. Really, it's better. You have more control of the car that way. But that's not necessarily what makes it the most fun. And what makes it the most fun is you're engaged in the car. You're shifting the gears.

It looks like a smooth car. Yeah. Quiet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could learn how to drive a stick. It's not hard. I did it one time. This guy taught me in rehab how to drive a stick shift.

Oh, yeah? We were going downhill, though. Oh, well, that's ridiculous. Uphill is the worst. You know what's the worst? The top of La Cienega. You get to the top of La Cienega right when you get to sunset. It's like a super steep hill.

You've got to have an e-brake. And the new ones, they don't have e-brakes. The new ones have a bullshit button e-brake, so you don't have a handle that you can just lift up and lift down. That is nonsense. Fix that. Like, that's the whole deal. If you're stuck in a San Francisco street and there's a red light and you've got to go forward in a stick shift, that shit is heart attack inducing. I'm always afraid of rolling back on that car.

Of course. Yeah, you have to have an emergency brake. That's hard to do. When you're a young kid and you're learning how to drive one and you're on a crazy steep hill, at the top of the hill there's a stoplight. Like, oh, no. That's designed for automatic cars. If you have a stick shift, that's a fucking pain in the ass, man. I can't even ride a motorcycle.

Motorcycles stall out, too, right? Same way? Yeah. So most motorcycle guys would probably be able to transition to a stick pretty easy. Pretty simple. Being in neutral. Yeah, I never rode a motorcycle. I took some classes for a little bit.

But then while I was taking classes, a couple people I knew wiped out pretty bad. I was like, oh, fuck this. This is too dangerous. I think I rode a minibike one time in San Jose. This comedian named Butch. He let me ride it. Mini bikes are cool. Someone without too much power is cool.

It's when you get into these like Hayabusa's. You know, you could just go and buy something that goes like zero to 60 in a second. What the fuck is that? You could just sell that to somebody. All you have to do is get a license you get a license and then you can go buy the most insane two wheeled vehicle the world could have ever you couldn't even imagine something that's existing 100 years ago like 100 years ago if you went back to 1918 and somebody got a hayabusa and brought it to you you You'd be like, what the fuck is this? What is this? Is this a rocket? Yeah, this doesn't even make sense.

People would try it and go flying off of it. They would do wheelies and fall on top of them. They'd be like, what in the fuck is this? What are you doing with this thing? And then someone could show it. Someone who knows how to ride. Some real motorcycle race car driver guy. Evel Knievel. No, like one of those guys that does those Isle of, what's that Irish, is it Isle of

Man? What is that Irish crazy race they do where these people are, they're going so insanely fast and it looks like they're going through the woods and shit. Like, look at this. Is that what it is? Isle of Man? Yeah. Why is there a car there in is? Isle of Man? Yeah. Why is there a car there in front?

Is the car... Are the cars driving with them? Oh, that guy just wiped out right there, son. Or are these people that are driving when it's not the race? Yeah, I think this might just be your normal time. They might be doing their own race or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe. So, I think... So, hey, this is the actual race. This is the Isle of Man race. And I don't think they allow cars on the road while they have the race. But, dude, these guys go fast as shit. It's crazy. They take hills and they're flying through the air when they hit the hills. Like, look at that.

Fuck, bro. What is this? Look how fast he's going. 171 miles an hill. It's like, look at that. Fuck, bro. What is this? Look how fast he's going. 171 miles an hour. People right there. Yep. And people to the left and to the right. High-fiving them.

That is so insane. Bikes are so insane. And the fact that, you know, this is a fairly new thing in human history. I mean, this is new. This is within the last hundred years. We had anything that you could do that with. And this speed that they could do it with now is just fucking crazy, man.

Like, your moment where you have to make a decision, like if something jumps out in front of you, how much time do you have? I'm still waiting for the jet pack. Look, people are fucking stupid. They tell me someone wouldn't want to just go, I'm going to run. When he comes by, as soon as I see him, I'm going to run and I'm going to get out of the way. And then he tries to correct for you and wipes out.

He almost wrecked right there. Watch. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, it's like he was doing a wheelie before he could even get off. God, this is... You have to be so tuned in. Like, I don't think we could even imagine how heightened your senses have to be

to be able to stay on top of this. Well, there's cars to the left and right. And to be that alert, man. Trees and shit. There's trees everywhere. These guys are animals. Look at them fly over the top like that. Fuck, that is so bananas.

That is crazy. When you watch them, there's a video in real time of them all going over this hill. Yeah, it's like that. Like, zoom. You really get a sense of it right there. When you're riding in the POV, their POV, you get a little bit of a sense of it, but you really get a sense of it right there when you're when you're riding in the pov their pov you get a little bit of a sense of it but you really get a sense of it when you watch them pass by stationary cameras what else these guys i mean my cousin's sort of like this i know they're

like crazy people that these are like pilots fighter pilots guys that go they're a risk-taking fools man and again this is just like what we were talking about with those strongman dudes. These are the people that are hardwired to do incredibly dangerous things. And I guarantee you, these same people that are hardwired to do these kind of dangerous, risky things, they would be like special forces operators. They would be Navy SEALs. They would be people that are— Mercenaries.

Yeah, they can do things that other people probably don't have the nerves for. And they're thrill seekers. But then you could take a thrill seeker that maybe would have joined the military and put him on a bike or put him in an MMA cage or put him in a boxing

ring and you get that same type of person. Those people all exist because you needed those traits you needed those traits in order to be successful to keep your civilization alive needed big strong murderous people you needed people that were crazy and weren't afraid of danger you needed risk takers you needed reward seekers you needed people who wanted to be the king and if you didn't have that you weren't going to survive because there's other people that had that on the other side.

Yeah. That's what's crazy is we're figuring out how to filter that shit into sports now and all sorts of other aspects of life. But it's these same instincts that have been around for hundreds of thousands of years that have turned people into what they are right now. Fuck, man. It's a trip. Fuck, man. It's a trip. It really is a trip when you think about people, just people in general.

Like what the paths that people take to become who they are right now. How to be this guy on a jet pack going 100 miles an hour down the street. How fast is he going? Delivering weed. He's very, very fast, though. Very fast, right? Yeah, he's flying. Jesus Christ.

This is one, but this is not, I don't think, the fastest one. This one looks like a halo of jets around him, but there's another guy that has one that are on his arms like Iron Man. This was pretty new. This was like earlier this month. Yeah, they're going to get it. If batteries get any better. Godwood Festival of Speed.

Yeah. They're going to get it. They're going to figure it out. We're going to get hummingbird wings, bro. That's what it's going to be. Just have some shit where it's like, but you're going to buy some cheap ones, you know, some from janky ones from overseas and the hummingbird wings going to break off and hit you in the fucking head. It's going to be people in downtown Slender knockoffs.

Oh, they sell wings. Yeah. there'll be people in downtown slender knockoffs yeah and then there would definitely be trippers that would put like glowing lights on them that would cause people to have seizures you know like for sure like you know burning man style lights all over your hummingbird wings that would be amazing come on that would be one of the coolest things of all time burning man hummingbird glowing flashing light wings. That would be badass. Yeah, man. Artist wants to cover Burning Man in a massive NASA-engineered blanket.

It's like 10,000 square, or is it, sorry, 100 square meters. For what? To trip balls? To see what would happen. It's supposed to reflect 97 of the heat that would normally stay down there so they're going to do a portion of it i don't know if they're going to obviously can't cover that it's funny that i was just reading about this they tell you to take one of those space blankets with you if you're going hiking in the woods like if you're

going on a camping trip and um you're you know you have like some survival stuff a survival kit one of the things they say is to get one of those because you build a fire and then you get under the blanket in the fire and the fire reflects off the blanket and it makes a big impact on the amount of heat it gives off. And they think like for survival purposes, it's a good move to have. Where did I hear that about? I think I heard that on a podcast. Hmm.

Trying to figure out which podcast it was. I'll try to remember. But those little tiny blankets, they don't weigh anything either. So it's like a smart thing for people to carry around with. Do they keep you warm? Supposedly. I've never seen one. Warmer. But they're really good, apparently, for reflecting heat.

They can keep your body heat in and pretty effective compared to their size and weight. Which is weird when they wrap people around, they look like Chipotle burritos to go. I know, they do. Looks like there's nothing to it, but maybe that's why Chipotle uses those wraps. Ooh. Yo. I got food poisoning at Chipotle twice. You think you did? In D.C. How do you know that's exactly

where you got the food poisoning? That's the last thing I ate. Right. And then how much time did it take between eating it and you getting food poisoning? One hour. One hour. But I felt it. I felt it getting hot and food poisoning? One hour. One hour. But I felt it. I felt it getting hot, and then I just threw up and shit. Before that one hour, what did you eat?

I don't remember. Did you eat anything else? I was on a plane. Okay. Was the plane eight hours before the food poisoning kicked in? I don't know. Maybe three. Three.

The flight was five hours. I know that. So then, yeah, we could be eight. I think most experts, I've never talked to a food poisoning expert. I don't want to bullshit you. But I think most people will say that it's more likely that it was the food

that was on the plane that got you. Well, I didn't eat on the plane. Oh, you didn't eat on the plane. I didn't fight flu. It was just nuts. You might have gotten it from nuts. You sure it was food poisoning and not just like stomach flu?

I don't know, man, but it was bad for like three days. I lost 14 pounds. You know, whenever people say I got food poisoning from this,

I always go, you might have, but I mean, people don't know like how long it takes to get food poisoning. It's a little longer than you think.

It was chicken, you think? How many hours does it take before food poisoning shows up? One to three. One to three. One to three. Oh, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe one of the soldiers had dirty hands. Maybe they used to think it was longer.

Did they used to think it was longer? Because I used to hear that it was like eight hours. I thought you had to wait for it to digest, but I mean, you can eat something and get sick right away. That makes sense then. Probably was Chipotle then. But I would say if you had eaten three hours earlier and then right after Chipotle, well, if they're saying one to three, one is one. Depends what it is, I suppose, too.

Roast chicken. Fizzy coli or whatever, you know. Oh, foxy coli. That's scary. People get that from salad. Yeah? Yeah, runoff, man. It's runoff from the animal areas.

Animal shit, essentially. animal shit essentially yeah right you know like a lot of times when they have these um these farms you'll get uh it rains and there's a lot of runoff and the runoff is carrying cow shit and pig shit and it's getting into the ground and it's getting onto plants and uh if they don't adequately wash these plants and you get them and you eat them raw, you can definitely get sick. See, Google that. E. coli. What is the cause of E. coli in vegetables? I'm pretty sure that's the reason.

I know, like, sometimes when I drive to, like, when I do shows in Visalia or Bakersfield, on the right-hand side, you know, you pass by these cows. Yeah. And then there's a lake, and I always thought that was water, but it was runoff. It's all a lake of crap. Yeah. And then there's a lake and I always thought that was water but it was runoff. It's all a lake of crap. It's like this whole lake full of cow shit just sitting there. That's so dark.

There's a lake full of pig shit outside this one pig farm. One of those factory farms where they have these warehouses filled with pigs and they flew over

with a drone to get footage of it and you see this putrid, disgusting body of water that's just shit and piss. I mean, it's massive. Dude, it's massive. I mean, it's like a lake that you would think you'd go fishing in. It's right next to...

And where are we going to put all that stuff? I don't know, man. It's going to go into the ground. They're not supposed to do that. This thing of figuring out how to make the most amount of money with having the least amount of concerns for the life of the animal is the total wrong way to look at it. It's just, but when you're feeding 20 million people and none of those people are aware of where their food comes, people start making decisions based on money and profit. And then you get to this point where someone allows them to, or we don't agree on what

should and shouldn't be done, or we don't agree on what we should and shouldn't enforce. And then we get to this place where you have these buildings that are filled with pigs and you got a lake of piss and shit behind it. And these things are jammed into these cages and they got dead babies on the ground. You're like, okay, what's that? That seems like hell. Like you've, you've created hell so that you can make bacon. Like that's a crazy way of contracting or getting your food.

But bacon tastes so good. I know. E. coli is a large group of bacteria with multiple strains, most of which are harmless and part of the normal flora of bacteria in the digestive tract. Harmful strains of E. coli produce something called Shiga toxin, which can be deadly. The strain, undercooked ground beef. It's infected people through the consumption of undercooked ground beef. So it's a toxin that exists in cattle.

Okay, here it goes. This time, however, the toxic strain of E. coli has been found on romaine lettuce, which likely became contaminated from nearby cattle manure. So, yeah, that's what it is. This is from the recent outbreak in April. Yeah, I think it's happened before that I read about it as well with other stuff. I think it was spinach. I think they had an issue with spinach in the past where spinach was getting.

I remember when the news came out, Joe Diaz and I were watching Fraser Smith perform and he had a spinach joke. It was dumb, but it was hilarious to us. He said, spinach, there's a thing on spinach and then he said

it's a good time to beat up Popeye. That's a typical Fraserzier Swain joke. He's so silly. He's a funny dude. Hey there, buddy. He's so silly. Very nice guy, though, isn't he? Yeah, he's a very nice guy.

Frazier's a very nice guy. Funny dude, though. Like that kind of joke. Like, wow. So silly. Now's a good time to beat up Popeye, guys. Yeah, but that's not from the vegetables themselves That's the thing

Like that Those kind of diseases are from You know They're environmental toxins From the nearby stuff So the lettuce was grown It grew with E. coli in it Or it got it afterwards

No no no It got on it It got on it somehow Oh man Through the cattle manure So even washing that lettuce You you could not take it out? I think you can. I think you can.

I think if you wash lettuce, you can take it out. But if you cook it, you're much more likely to kill it. Like for broccoli and stuff like that, you're much more likely to be able to kill it. You know, kale, stir-fry kale. But the crazy thing is, like, how did that happen in the first place? Like, was that a normal thing that would have happened on a regular farm? Like if you just, if you just had a farm that wasn't a factory farm,

you just let the animals roam around, just be themselves. Would that have happened? Is it still possible? Or is that only happen when you can, you know, contain a certain amount of animals in a certain area and then also try to grow vegetables in that same area too.

Hmm. I mean, I'm sure people got E. coli back in the day. I'm sure it's not a new thing that people get sick from. I would just guess they didn't clean it well enough because of the way they're doing it. Or before refrigerators, for sure they probably got it, right? Yeah. They must have got it like crazy.

I bet people got food poisoning left and right before refrigerators. Oh, yeah, man. Ugh. Ugh. They probably always had diarrhea. Before. I always had diarrhea. Before, I know, right? Before they were telling you,

come to our restaurant. Our chef washes his hands. You ever catch your dog eating something in the backyard and you're like, oh, well, for sure he's going to be sick now. Meanwhile, nothing.

Then you need a dead rat. They can find a dead rat and you catch him chewing on a dead rat. You're like, what the fuck, dude? I thought we were friends. Why are you eating a dead rat, They can find a dead rat, and you catch them chewing on a dead rat. You're like, what the fuck, dude? I thought we were friends. Why are you eating a dead rat, man?

That's so stupid. Get in the house. We got nice snacks inside the house, you asshole. I know, and I'm thinking, man, he's going to be sick. He ate a rat. Nothing. Zero problems. I ate steak one time.

I left it in my car overnight. I didn't know. I think I'm like, oh, it's going to be a great lunch. All these beef tips. It was so good eating it too. And I was sick for like three days. So bad. Lesson learned.

Did you try to reheat it in the microwave? Oh, yeah. I put it in a skillet too, I think. I was working at a restaurant. That's what we made all the time. So you knew that you probably had to cook it again. But you thought it would be fine. Yeah, I thought it was in the clear.

I really liked the seven-day OKFC, but it was thrown in the refrigerator. I didn't even cook it. Did that get you? It was good. No, no. It didn't get you? KFC cold rocks. You know what my favorite KFC is?

KFC cold with hot sauce. You get like El Yucateca, habanero sauce, that green shit. Or some tapatio. Yeah. Tapatio doesn't have the kind of kick, though. It doesn't have the kick. You're right about that. I need more.

I need more. It doesn't have the kick. It doesn't have the spice You're right about that I need more I need more It doesn't have the kick It doesn't have the spice But not the real big kick Like Dave's hot sauce maybe That's too much That's fucking too much There's like a line

There's a line where you're like What are you doing? What are you doing? You doing fucking You know Doing a stunt Like why are you eating that? Tapatio Doritos are good though

They're very good But I mean There's like a habanero. There's a level of hot sauce. Habanero is fucking hot, though. Habanero is hot as fuck. It's hot enough. It's hot as fuck.

Like that Yucateco shit. There's a lot of good habanero sauces. A lot of good ones. But there's something about habanero sauce on cold chicken. God, that's good. That's your favorite food? Fried chicken? No chance. Woo. God, that's good. That's your favorite food? Terrible. Fried chicken?

No chance. No. No. I don't, I mean, I try not to eat it unless I have to if I'm starving. And that's all that's available. But most of the time I think, man, how are they getting these chickens? These are those tortured chickens. They live in those boxes.

Yeah, these chickens don't have bigger breasts. But then you pass by Chick-fil-A and you're like, what's the line about? Why is the line so big? Must be delicious. Oh, I could taste

the bun and the mayonnaise and that chicken. That sweet, sweet, juicy, warm chicken. I used to fuck with those little chicken littles from KFC,

the little dollar sandwiches. The thing is, man, what happened to get that chicken sandwich in your hand? If you get a video, if they give you a little fucking every chicken sandwich you buy, every chicken sandwich you buy comes with a documented life of the chicken. You get a number, like, oh, this is number 216, and you go to the website, and you can access the video of the chicken. You know, you get a number, like, oh, this is number 216, and you go to the website, and you can access the video of the chicken living from the time it's a baby chick, to the time it's a grown-up chick,

and a dude with a fucking gloved hand grabs his fucker, stuffs him in a cage, and feeds him, and he gets bigger, and he's stuck in this cage, and they take him out, whack his fucking head off, throw him into the furnace to blow off all his feathers, pull the guts out of him, cook him at KFC.

If you could see all that, if you saw it from start to finish, you'd be like, I don't know what I'm doing here. Or they would tell you how much water was used to feed this guy. Well, we need more water yeah for sure but that doesn't disturb me as much as like the life of a pig that lives in a cage that's in a warehouse filled with cages that's created a river of right next to it swimming in it i like wild animals man i like the way they taste i like the idea behind it what does that moose taste like? It tastes good. Mousse tastes delicious. I had deer burgers at one time and beer. My uncle would cook, he would hunt deer in Ensenada. And he would make it like carne asada, pork, whatever.

Yeah. Hot sausages. And it was good. A lot of people go to Mexico. Soft deer, yeah. A lot of Americans go to Mexico to deer hunt. Yeah, in Ensenada, big deer hunting. Yeah. What is it? There's another place. Rosarito? A lot of Americans go to Mexico to deer hunt. Yeah, there's a lot of big deer hunting over there.

Yeah. There's another place. Puerto Rico? Well, it starts with an S. Sonora. Sonora. Sonora has a lot of big deer there. People go there to hunt deer.

Scared as fuck. They're scared. We're going to go to Mexico. They're going to get me? They're going to get me while I'm over here? It's weird, man. They hunt deer over there and turn them into tacos there's a wild ranging

free ranging herd of buffalo in Mexico too really yeah they must have shot a movie there one time and brought in buffalo

then they left them there I wonder because I've had buffaloes I think there's buffaloes in Catalina Island or I don't know where Catalina right yeah and they asked know where. Catalina, right? Yeah, they asked how they get there.

Well, they shot a movie once and they brought in a buffalo that left them there. Oh, that's interesting. There used to be an island, like one of those islands off the coast of California that had all kinds of wild animals. That people brought all these animals over there to try to turn into a wild game park. They had like deer and elk and all kinds of shit roaming around this one island and then the biologist said yeah enough of that like this is crazy you got a tiny island all these things are breeding there's no predators like this is a eco disaster that human beings have created so the story that i had heard was that they decided to gun them all down i want to find out if that's true jam to find out if that's true. Jamie, find out if that's true.

Channel Islands? Is that what it was? Channel Islands? It's one of those islands. I did a show at a military gig in one of those islands, St. Nicholas Island. Oh, yeah. You were telling me about this. Yeah.

Yeah, you told me about this a while ago, right? Yeah. It was like a military. They test nuclear weapons there in the ocean. Yeah. And it was just – What was that gig like? It was just a quick gig at a bar. And it was crazy because the show ended at 10 and, like, I guess the bar closed at 11.

But, like, five minutes before the bar closed, 10 military police came in and made sure it was closed. Wow. And then we left at – when they say we're leaving at 5 in the morning, they're leaving at 5 in the morning. There was no lagging. Like, I was running late. They almost left without me. Oh, shit. This was 5 in the morning.

You're supposed to get off the base and head to your flight? Yeah. Whoa, yeah. You can't fuck around there, son. We did some UFCs at military bases. We did quite a few of them there you know we did the one down in san diego um we've done um in texas did them in north carolina i believe did them a lot of different places but they get super enthusiastic man fights on the bases and

they would be you know on um i think they did it on spike tv i think that was on spike at the time but uh it's heavy shit man it's interesting really interesting they might have did it on fox too maybe on fs1 or one of those fox sports channels maybe fox sports one but it's um it's not like nothing else man when especially military guys fight if one of the guys, like one time Tim Kennedy was fighting, and he's fighting Rafael Natal, who's a real world-class fighter, a real tough fight, and Tim Kennedy caught him with a left hook, just boom, drops him with his left hook. And then he's on top of the cage, and they're cheering him.

I mean, we had gone to break, too. He wasn't doing this for the cameras. He was doing this to express himself to these people that he just fought for. They're screaming and cheering for him, and they're going nuts. And he's pointing at them, telling them, I love you. I love you. You know, I'm doing this for you guys. It's heavy shit, man.

When a fellow soldier is at that base, and then they all cheer for him, and he wins like that. And I'm like, whew. That's intense, man. It's intense, man. It's intense human beings. How appreciative were the people there for you guys? Super, super, super appreciative. So happy to see anybody, huh? Not just so happy to see anybody, but to have a crazy event like a UFC on their base

and they get to go and see it. It's a great treat for them. Break up the monotony of everything. It's good for the morale man fuck yeah man that's big man you gotta have morale I mean the Vikings do that

that's why they did mushrooms people love like I'm pretty like people who listen to your show man you don't know like how happy you make them you know

I run into people when they say oh bro thank you for having me on my pleasure and they always talk about oh bro like they always say I wake up to you. And they always talk about, oh, bro, like,

they always say, I wake up to you, to you. And they talk about you, like, they want to be here. They like everything you say, man. And I remember when I was walking down the street the other day and I ran into a guy and he told me, hey, man, And I ran into a guy, and he told me, hey, man, I was locked up in Corcoran State Prison for many years. And you and Last Coming Stanley helped me get through the hard times. Our whole lot, our whole prison alley, I guess, what do they call it, the whole block was rooting for you. We were going to riot if you didn't win.

Wow. And I'm thinking, wow, man, these fucking inmates are watching me, and they're voting for me. Wow. From the prison phones. Whoa. And I remember one of your guests was here around George Perez. Yeah. I used to write to him. I remember one time I wrote him a seven-page letter, stay up, you know,

and he would call me in the middle of the night, George Perez from prison, like at 11 at night. Hey, Felipe, what are you doing? Being free, fool? Enjoy my freedom, dog. He goes, oh, man, what's it like out there? Everything's doing good man he would tell me

that he was doing comedy shows in prison for the guards for extra extra lunches extra chips George is a funny dude man he's a beast

he's a funny guy he's a good joke writer too yeah man yeah yeah man I mean that's how Joey started too you know

Joey Diaz started in prison making people laugh they would like they would have something going on. It would be boring. They'd be like, throw the Cuban up there. Throw the Cuban up there. And Joey would go up there and make everybody laugh. That's how he got started, man. That was a big part of what

gave him the confidence. When you started, did you go at it or did you go read a book or did you know what you were going to do when you started stand-up? How did you approach it? I just went to an open mic night, and I got real lucky that it was available. You could sign up. Where was it?

Boston, Stitches, August 27th, 1988. And you could just sign up. You could just go in there and put your name into the hat, and they had to pick X amount of people. I forget how many, 20 people or something like that, and everybody does like five minutes. And I just got lucky and went up and just said, wow, I think I can do this.

I wasn't good, but I was definitely thinking this is something that you could get better at. You could figure it out and you could do it. But I remember thinking like, there's no way I'm going to ever be able to have a real job. I'm just too dysfunctional. Way too dysfunctional. I was way too crazy.

Like, I had a lot of drive, but, like, the idea of being in an office and being trapped like that, I felt like a caged-in alley cat. Like, there's no way, man. I got to get the fuck out of here. You thought there was more out there, huh just was too add man you know i mean it might not have even been an ambition thing as much of an intolerance thing it wasn't that i had like this grand plan for myself like i thought

i deserve better and i'm gonna be the top of this and fucking kick ass uh-uh it was that i couldn't do that i can't do it like there's something about me like monotonous, boring shit. My brain is screaming for new experiences. Always. That's my number. It's a good thing, but it's also a bad thing because sometimes you can't concentrate on things because you want to think about other things that are better and more crazy and more exciting, more fun. So it's like trying to manage that mindset with a regular job is almost impossible.

To me, I just couldn't do it. I tried. I was just too – I didn't give a fuck. I wanted to quit. Done. Can't do this. I felt like it was just a constant grind on your skin, just pulling your skin down and dragging you into this state where you didn't want to exist.

And some people are different. Some people have no problem. They find a great job. They're super happy. They make friends with the people they work with, and every day is a pleasure. And they just get in there, and they laugh and joke around, but I'm too fucked up. I can't sit still. I have a million other things that I want to do. While someone's talking

to me about some boring shit, I've got like five other things I want to do. I'm like, I can't do this. I gotta get out of here. Like, I can't take this. So I was like stir crazy if I had a regular job. Me, I was in rehab. I was in rehab, I think in 1992. I was in drug rehab for a crack. Damn.

I was out. And when I was in there, somebody asked me, what are your goals in life? You know, what do you want to do? And I'm in there with a bunch of heroin addicts, guys from prisoners, you know. It was a rehab. And then he told us to write down five things. So I never had goals before. So I wrote down I want to be a comedian.

I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden and I want to be sober. I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden. Let me say it. I want to go to Italy because I love olive garlic and I want to go to Mexico because I love Taco Bell hell yeah that's the same shit I know right I want to do

I want to do the real tour of Italy not just on a plate so I didn't know how to go about it man I just went to the Los Angeles Public Library this was before social media

and I went in with my bald ass gangster bald head and I told in with my bald ass, gangster bald head, and I told that old lady there, this old white lady, I told her, listen, man, I don't know how to tell you this, or how to explain this to you, okay? I want to be a comedian. I want to do stand-up comedy, but I don't know how to write. I don't know how to put a joke together.

I don't know how to write. I don't know how to put a joke together. So then she put me to this, she went to this big old, you know those big old library, glossary card. Yeah. And she found comedy writing. And she got me this book called Comedy Writing Step-by-Step by Jean Perrette. Oh, wow. Did you follow it? I did.

I followed it. I learned. you follow it i did i followed it i learned then i would go back every day to rent um videos of lenny bruce and cassettes of george carlin oh wow from the library and a friend of mine when i was a little boy he had loaned me this vhs and back then um if you with the vhs tape you could make it go six hours instead of like a three-hour movie oh yeah you downgrade the quality yeah so i had like six comedy specials that i watched and it was all hbo's it was holly mandel paul rodriguez when you're wearing that little christmas sweater yeah and sam kinnison on the young comedian show with seinfeld and um jeff je Jeff, what, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think Ronnie was hosting

and the Dice Man was on that tape. Wow. So I just got all that stuff. That's what inspired you? Yeah. And then I would go to the library and I'd just write down ideas. How old were you at the time?

I was 23, 24. And you were like, this is what I want. Hell yeah. And one day I paid 12 bucks and I went into the main room to watch a real show. Wow. And I saw Mencia.

I saw some dude named The Todd. The Todd. Yeah. And I saw this old black dude with a fedora, white hat. Tyree. Yeah.

Dave Tyree. Dave Tyree. And I saw the guy that does the props. He used to inflate his body into like an Elvis. He's one of the blue collar of comedy. He does props. He brings out people.

I don't know. And Luke Torres. I saw Luke Torres. Who was on one of the blue collar comedians does props? He used to inflate himself. But he didn't tour with them. He was in a show. Oh, okay.

He used to get an iron and burn himself and then his face would be on the iron. Oh, that's funny. They don't do that anymore. And then he had this bit where he's like a football player

and there's people chasing him and there's a fake football player behind him. Oh, dude. Wait a minute. Was this Heath Heist? Heath Heist, yes. Yes, yes. Dude, very funny guy. Yeah, he's fucking hilarious. He was this heath heist he's heist yes yes very funny

guy fucking hilarious it was a very funny guy remember when he had to the the church sermon yes the choir rather and he had all the people behind him yeah yeah and they would move around he had like these people behind him yeah he had this whole contraption yeah he was a really funny dude yeah so that was uh what year was that? That was like 1994 probably. Wow, that's when I first started going there, man. Then from that I just went to the Natural Fudge and I met Brian Holtzman there. Cynthia Levine, Freddy Soto, Al Berman, the Mooney Twins. Freddy.

Freddy Quintana. Crazy lineage, man. It's just an interesting art form you know you get to know these really bizarre people you get to get close to them it's a very very unique way to live your life

as a you know as a person in a strange group of vagabonds just trying to make people laugh yeah I used to work at Dodger Stadium and I used to work at Yoshinoya group of vagabonds just trying to make people laugh. Yeah.

I used to work at Dodger Stadium and I used to work at Yoshinoya when Hideo Nomo was playing. Oh, wow. And I was cooking food every day, like just making Japanese food. And every time I would see a comedian, I would ask him for advice, you know,

because I'm so young. And I would talk to T.K. Carter. T.K. Carter. I remember T.K. Carter. He was in The Thing. Punky Brewster. He was a teacher. Oh, shit. But do you remember TK Carter. He was in The Thing. Punky Brewster. He was a teacher. But do you remember

TK Carter was in The Thing? He was in a bunch of big time movies back then. But he was in John Carpenter's The Thing. And there was another woman there

that was, she was part of the Comedy Store Strike with Curly Hair. And she did a special with Paul Rodriguez from Prison. She did it with him?

Yeah. What did she do? She did stand-up comedy, hit her at him. It was her, Paul Rodriguez, and Anthony Michael something. Wow. I forgot her name, man. Old school. She's famous.

She's famous. Old school. Old school, man. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. It's so much easier to get more inspired, or to get inspired rather today, because kids can just watch all that stuff that you just brought up on YouTube. On YouTube.

Plus all the shit that's happened since then. No bus rides. Yeah, no bus rides. And you can do it anytime you're anywhere. You put the headphones on, bam, you're sitting there watching a comedy special. My first comedy album I listened to was Bill Cosby, my brother Russell, whom I sleep with. That was my first album. My first comedy album I listened to was Bill Cosby, my brother Russell, whom I sleep with.

That was my first album. Me and my friend Jackie Escalera, he put it in in the little Fisher Prize record player, and I memorized it. Up until then, I never memorized anything. That's crazy. And then Richard Pryor, The Nigga's Crazy. That was the funniest fucking album ever. All time great. You can never get an abolitionist to get a list.

You call up and say, five niggas killing a white woman. Where's the body? Simple, bro. Yeah. Fucking so simple. And really quick. Real quick. That's what's good about racist jokes.

They're so easy. Yeah. But they're like so simple, but I didn't come up with it. Well, that one was, I mean, you got to realize the world was a different place. When Richard Pryor was doing that,

man, the world was a different place. And to be first too. Well, he was not necessarily first. I think there's, what it is, is there's like this progression.

And I think that, you know, a comedian's get inspired by the other ones that are around them. And they were really just starting it in the 1950s and 60s, right? So then there's Lenny Bruce, who's probably the first guy who does our style of comedy, of just talking about things like, what the fuck is this? What is this, ladies and gentlemen? Why is this happening?

Who caused this? Instead of just telling a bunch of jokes, he's talking about things and pointing things out that happen to be funny, and then Richard Pryor comes on after him and makes it way funnier. So what he did was like the same kind of thing, but way funnier. Like Richard Pryor, there was another level of evolution that he achieved, inspired off the work of the guys that were before him, the Mort Salls. Those guys inspired Pryor, and Pryor, of course, inspires everybody.

It all comes from P comes from prior like in the early it's like lenny bruce is just this genius mind-opening guy that's dealing with people that are asleep he's he's in the world of the 1950s and 1960s where people are just asleep they're weird they they're disconnected from the world around them from critical thinking it's like they're just yeah they're just starting to wake up culturally. And then, boom, Richard Pryor takes that and turns it into the funniest shit that anybody had ever seen. Hell yeah.

My all-time favorite comedian has always been Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Paul Rodriguez. There's a lot of great ones, man. Oh, man. There's a lot of great ones, you know? Did you get a chance to see Richard Jenney at all? I did. Platypus, man.

Yeah. He was funny, dude. Dude, he was funny. He doesn't get the credit he deserves. No, he was really funny, man. Yeah. He had like a lot of those VH1 half hour specials. Yeah. And he was on our senior hall many times. Dude, he was on everything. Yeah. He's done a bunch of Letterman's

and Tonight Show. He did the Tonight Show a ton of times. He was a monster. Also, when I was working at Dodger Stadium, I saw one of my favorite comedians and I was working.

I remember Joel was so fucking dirty. I was greasy, bro. I had fucking pieces of chicken on my apron and I saw Stephen Wright. Oh, shit.

He was buying a hot dog and I was telling everybody, you guys don't know who that guy is? This guy's an Oscar winner, homie. You don't know who this fool is, bitch? He made him super comfortable, I'm sure. Yeah, he got very uncomfortable. That fucking Steven Wright,

dog. I said, Steven Wright, don't go nowhere. Felipe, you're that guy. Don't go nowhere, dog. And I went around. Don't go nowhere. And I went around, and he goes, you ain't gonna pay for shit, all right? And he goes, you gotta just walk out of here And he walked out of there Then I said

We started to shake his hand And he put his hand Inside of his hoodie Oh no And his sleeve And he shook my hand With the sleeve Oh no

Oh sorry That's alright He's like a germaphobe Germaphobe Oh is he really I didn't even know But he didn't He shook my hand

With cotton That is hilarious dude That's hilarious But I must have German for it? Oh, is he really? I didn't even know. But he shook my hand with cotton. That is hilarious, dude. That's hilarious. But I must have freaked him out, too, though. Well, you know, you're a strong cup of tea. What's he going to do? He's a super white guy from Boston, too. I know, man.

He's like, oh, no. As soon as you say it, don't go nowhere. I get starstruck, man. Don't even invite me to places. But don't go nowhere is a real problem statement. When he said, don't go nowhere, he's like, oh, this is not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for, how you doing? You're really funny.

Thanks, bye. Move, don't move, buddy. That's what he's looking for. He's looking for, hey, Steven Wright, nice to meet you. You're really funny. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. I'm going to get a hot dog now and get the fuck out of here.

Don't go nowhere. I remember peeing next to John Ritter at Dodger Stadium, man. Oh, that's hilarious. And I started humming the song. Dude, he held his penis and started walking to the other side of the trough. Oh, that's so funny. That's so funny. Here's an empty thing and one Mexican dude stand next to you humming.

That's so ridiculous. You're ridiculous. And I'm the only one who recognized him. He was wearing like a beard and shades. But I know Jack to you, homie. That's so ridiculous. You're ridiculous. And I'm the only one who recognized him. He was wearing like a beard and shades. But I know Jack Tripper, homie. I did an episode of News Radio with that dude. He was a real nice guy. That was such a bummer when he died.

He was so out of the blue. I was like, what? Hey, that black girl on the show, she was your girlfriend, huh, on the show? She was whose girlfriend? Your girlfriend. News Radio? No, she wasn't my girlfriend on the show. I think there was one.

I thought you dated her. There was one thing where I was, you mean in real life? No, you dated girlfriend on the show. I think there was one. I thought you dated her. There was one thing where I was, you mean in real life? No, you dated her on the show. You had a crush on her. I was trying. Oh, I remember that, yeah. That's what it was. I was trying in real life.

I mean, I was trying, whoops, hoopa. No, she's a good friend. I was not trying in real life. In the show, my character was supposedly trying, but I don't think I ever, they were never successful. It's hard to remember. So long ago, you know, I was watching a clip of it the other day online somebody put something up online it was me and Phil Hartman I literally

didn't even remember it I was watching like it was something that wasn't even me I was like this is weird it's weird to watch you know it's weird to watch yourself when you know it's yourself but you have no recollection of it and it's from 20 years ago so It's like, what? Is that really me? Like, what is that? It's strange, man. You know, when you look at Last Comic Standing,

how many years ago was that? Seven. No, eight. Does it freak you out when you go back and watch it? Yeah. It's like, what happened? I'm like, look at that fucking grill.

Look at that 2010 grill. And now. A grill? My teeth. What kind of grill did you have? Oh, it was fucked up, bro. Did you now. A grill? My teeth. What kind of grill did you have? Oh, it was fucked up, bro. Did you get them off feet? Fuck yeah.

I got those fucking teeth all removed. And I put a little nice. Dude, so those are man-made teeth? These are man-made teeth that they just put in my mouth. They look delicious. Oh, yeah, dude. My last teeth, bro, they were like separated by birth, bro. These fucking teeth didn't want to get along, bro. They were like they were like separated by birth bro they didn't want to get these fucking teeth

they didn't want to get along bro they were like they were like four different gangs how long did it take to get your teeth all fixed like that at first

I was going I went for I was trying to get the screw in my mouth to put in like good fake teeth and screw them on right

but then my guns were too weak from meth and crack smoking yeah so man I could have spit my tooth out I didn't need them to pull them out. Really? So they they just numb me and it took all four teeth out Wow, they know they shaved my moat my I guess these I don't know what they're called and They took my teeth out

They found it there they went they made a mold of my mouth with four perfect teeth and they just glued it to my mouth. Glued it? Yeah. So those are glued in place right now? Yeah. For how long does that glue last? Well, to as long as I keep them good. It just cemented there.

It's permanently forever. Wow. With glue. Real veneers, bro. Look. It looks great. You look fantastic Before man My teeth were fucked up

Like an old bite of apple And it looked like Three people bit it And it was blood Blood I was like I was like Fuck bro

People would make fun of me Dog You floss with rope or what It was bad dog So meth is bad for your gums. Meth is bad. Crack is bad, too. Bad for the gums.

Yeah. Makes sense. So you want to avoid bad teeth, snort the drugs you do. Yeah. And brush. Doesn't that fuck your teeth up, too? Doesn't that thing with coke heads? They always get jacked up teeth because the coke gets in your mouth.

Still gets in there. Somehow. Yeah. It's going down your throat, your coffin. It's in your mouth. You got those healthy crackheads. I brush after every puff. That's a good move.

You got to take a swig of Listerine. All right, Felipe, where are you at? Way over three hours, right? Yeah. Crazy, bro. Crazy, bro. What's up, fool? That blunt we smoked at the beginning. Hell yeah, the OG Louis 13 right there. Had me baffled. Yeah, this is... We didn't smoke this, bro. Crazy, bro. What's up, fool? That blunt we smoked at the beginning.

Hell yeah, the OG Louis 13 right there. Had me baffled. Yeah, this is... We didn't smoke this, though. You can light it up. This Jamie Vernon blunt with the glass tips. Can I mention I'm going to be in Jacksonville this week? You certainly can, Felipe Esparza.

I'm going to be in Jacksonville at the Comedy Zone this week. And at the end of the month, I'll be at the Brea Improv. And check out my dates at felipe'sworld.com slash tour. Go see Felipe. He's a monster. He's a monster. What's up, Fool Podcast? Cock sucker.

What's up, Fool Podcast? Available on iTunes and everywhere podcasts are heard. Man, your show, bro, being on your show, I always tell people, you're like the Oprah Winfrey, bro. Thank you. Like, everybody, everybody like people come here I'm not saying everybody but just the people who are real man

they just people sell shit man like you're like you're like where Howard Stern was you're like Oprah Howard Stern

on a podcast bro that's very nice of you to say for real man you have power here bro you could change votes I don't want to do that I just want to get have some fun and we had some fun and I love the statement That's very nice of you to say. For real, man. You have power here, bro. You could change votes. I don't want to do that. I just want to have some fun.

And we had some fun. And I love the statement you said about the kids in the cage. That was tight. Oh, the immigration shit. Yeah. Thanks, man. Thanks. And thank you for everything, man. My pleasure, brother.

Thanks for coming on. I'm glad we did this. Thank you, bro. We'll do it again. We'll do it again. Felipe, ladies and gentlemen, go see him. Bye. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Felipe, ladies and gentlemen, go see him. Bye. Let's do it, guys.