The Joe Rogan Experience - #1165 - Tom Papa

Episode Date: August 31, 2018

Tom Papa is a comedian, actor, writer and television/radio host. His new show "Baked" premieres on The Food Network this Monday, September 3rd at 10PM.

four three two one yeah we're just talking about moving the woods together it's so good little tiny house with three pairs of shoes three pairs of pants maybe two shirts yeah that's it the last clothing you'll ever buy one coat yeah everybody's just out here chasing bigger and better Tom Papa just Yeah. That's it. The last clothing you'll ever buy. One coat. Yeah. Everybody's just out here chasing bigger and better, Tom Poppo. Just why? Why? I'm starting to wonder.

I was telling you guys that I was looking at this house that's for sale in Northern California in the Redwoods. It's 32, no, 320 feet square. Tiny ass fucking house. The whole house. It's got a loft. The loft is where you sleep in. A tiny home. The tiny thing below it is like a little tiny kitchen.

Yeah. And a little tiny like couch area. That's it. Like a houseboat, like with like built in things. Yeah, it's kind of like a houseboat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they make those now. Think about how simple your life would be.

It would be, but would you be content? That's very small. You'd be great for a little while. That's very small. 360. Yeah, that's... I want to shower. Like that.

Look at that little tiny house. That's three... No, come on. That's... That's not the one, is it? That's bigger than that. That's 1,000 square feet. 320 foot.

It says 320 foot, tiny cabin and big bear. Oh, that's in Big Bear. That's attainable. That's bigger than we need. Is that still for sale? How old is this video? Let's chip in today. Got put up last year.

320 foot, tiny cabin in Big Bear. Amazing small house. Oh my God. Aw. You know what we should do, Jamie? So simple. We should buy that place and turn it into our Big Bear studio. That's what we should do.

Do a fucking show. I bet the show's up there. I bet if we did a show in Big Bear in the woods like that, it would have a totally different feel to it. Yeah, because you'd be hearing your guests screaming in the background being mauled by mountain lions. But if you did do a show up there, how the fuck would you convince people to drive two hours? Couldn't we get people that are training up there or something like that? Maybe they could pop over. Yeah, you get like four guys.

Gennady Golovkin and Tito Ortiz would come over every day. And then you'd be like, okay, I get it. You hate Chuck Liddell. I get it. I get it. Canelo's a pussy. I get it. I don't know.

I mean, the fantasy is that that becomes a simple life. You pare down everything, all the aggravation. You get maybe two bills come to the house. I'll tell you what. Would you go crazy? If I didn't have a family, it wouldn't be a problem. Yeah. If it was just single Joe, no family, no kids, it wouldn't be a problem.

I would just go. I mean, I really probably think I would already have a place like that up there where I could just go and chill I understand I was thinking of just a little place like that like a little hideout next to the house like Mark Twain had

did he have a place like that next to his house? he had a little octagon kind of room and he would leave his house with his daughters and his wife and he would go up the steps and go into his little thing. And on this table was just his pipe, a box of cigars, his writing pads, his pens, and he just would hang out there and smoke all day and work, and then he would go back home. Maybe that's enough. Maybe that cuts the edge off. It gives you your isolation and your simplicity,

and then you return back to the people you have to feed. It's a little something. That'll work if you've got the people you have to feed. If you don't have the people you have to feed, straight woods, bro. Oh, yeah. Caught a path. Well, that's going to be the real trick. When the kids leave, when they get big enough and they take off.

And it's just down to you and your wife. And then the wife wants to get like five dogs. She's probably like encouraging you to go get a cabin. Get another dog. Let's get another. I love dogs. Let's rescue a dog. Let's adopt a kid.

Whoa. Yeah. They want to keep you tethered. Well. Tethered to little things. They're the nester. Yep. They want to keep you tethered. Well. Tethered to little things. They're the nester. Yep. They're the nest.

If the nest is empty, that's their job. They build that nest, want everyone in that nest safe, and that's what they're built to do. Do you ever see women that have a bunch of dogs, and you go, you know you want a kid, right? You know you want... I just don't have the time for a kid. How much time do you spend on these fucking dogs? Yeah. Like, it's probably pretty close.

No, it's just me and my fluffy babies. Yeah. Me and my just fluffy. I'm a dog mom. I'm just fluffy babies. But what is it about people that want to further complicate their lives? Like, what is it? Why does everybody always want big, is that just a part of the genes?

Is that what it is? Like, what is it? Well, we have, I think, a drive in us to always do more, explore more, push more. Right? There's something built into human beings that have that. And then we have a system that rewards that in capitalism. So that's the board game that we're all playing. So it keeps you racing to get more stuff and bigger house and more things.

You know what I mean? Like if that didn't exist, if you weren't able to accumulate that stuff, what would we be doing? We'd still be striving, but for other stuff. But this is our reality. So it manifests itself in more cars, a bigger house, you know. Yeah. It's like fiber optics.

Right. a bigger house, you know. Yeah. Fiber optics. Right. You're always trying to survive, but surviving is not that hard today. Right. Good point.

So you try to instead, you know, because it's not too complicated to go find your food. Right. There's not a lot of like puzzles and challenges. Shelters taken care of. So you start thinking, you know what? I just need a new car. This car is two years old. Yeah, right.

This car's got 20,000 miles on it. This is ridiculous. Why am I driving a car with 20,000 miles on it? It smells like my farts. Yeah. No, it makes you, yeah, you just keep going. But then I think you do that long enough, you start to realize, hopefully, that that stuff doesn't really make you happier.

It does to an extent, like when you get out of your poor days and you kind of like get above water and you help your family out and you get some stuff you're proud of. But then you just are adding more stress because your bigger bills and bigger taxes and all this stuff you're proud of but then you just are adding more stress yeah because you're bigger bills and bigger taxes and all this stuff you've got to fill up it it actually does the opposite it makes you more stressed you're not as happy and then you got to kind of strike that balance it seems like it's uh jim carrey's been on this kick explaining that to people because you know jim carrey said i think i'm paraphrasing him but basically his quote was i wish everybody would get rich and famous and they would see that that's not what makes you happy right because you know people think that hey if i was rich and famous

yeah i would be happy yeah he said i wish that everyone would get rich and famous so they'd realize that that's not the answer yeah what does he say is the answer he likes to make paintings shitting on people mocking them that seems to make oh is that his art yeah it's like i know he paints i didn't know where's the peace and love bro it's aggressive his paintings are all like shitting on people and mocking people that are clearly assholes. But I mean, it's not like he's like trying to accentuate the love in the world. He's just shitting all over these bad people. That makes him happy.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Is that good? Yeah. Is it good to focus on the bad people? Like, does anybody change their opinion based on Jim Carrey's art? I don't know. I was like a big Jeff Sessions fan.

Right. Until I saw these paintings. And then, yeah. Where Jim Carrey's got them with a giant fucking wart-covered dick. Holding it out in front of him. Jizzing all over the Constitution. This little Yoda head. Yeah, this little yoda head yeah yeah yeah i don't know that's always a question it's like how much how much of art that rails against something is effective in changing that thing that you're railing against like does it actually have an impact is it a slow impact? Does it change over time?

I don't know. It depends on the art. Here's an example. I think Tina Fey legitimately changed the way people feel about Sarah Palin. I think she legitimately may have affected the way people were willing to accept Sarah Palin or vote for her. Because her impression of her was so brilliant. I don't know if people remember it. Oh, yeah.

It was so goddamn good. She looked exactly like her. She looked like her. Her attitude. And she said things that people eventually attributed to Sarah Palin because they thought that Sarah Palin actually said it because Tina Fey said it. Yeah. She fucking nailed it. Dude, she's so funny.

Her show, Kimmy Schmidt, have you seen that show? Yeah, a couple of them. Kimmy Schmidt? It's one of my favorite shows. Oh, yeah? It's so good. It's Tina Fey's show. Yeah, I know.

She's in it sometimes. She plays a- The lead is great. Yeah. Just optimistic. Look at her. I mean, get the fuck out of here. That is so crazy.

That's so crazy. We're right now, the audio folks, we're looking at an image of Tina Fey as Sarah Palin right next to Sarah Palin. And it's fucking indistinguishable almost. It's so good. Wow. But did she, do you think she affected people who already liked Sarah Palin? They don't, if you like Sarah Palin, you don't know what you like. You're out of your fucking mind.

Those people like Sarah Palin, you don't know what you like. You're out of your fucking mind. If those people like Sarah Palin, they were out of their fucking minds. I mean, they're basically working with a less than functional brain. If you thought that that was a good idea, that that lady could be running things. Yeah, like that close to being president. She was a construct, too, you know. She was an entertainer. But I mean, Sarah Palin was a construct. She wasn't what everybody thought she was.

Like, there was one, there's a story, I'm not 100% sure this is true, but it makes sense, that someone shot a caribou, and then they drove her to the caribou, they gave her the rifle, and she stood over the caribou and took photos so that they could show, hey, she's a hunter. She's like us, us regular folk out here hunting caribou.

Find out if that's true. Just a public relations kind of thing? We need to Google if that's true. Clarification. I believe it, you know? Yeah, of course. You know, that's the way all that stuff is. But do I believe it because I want to believe it?

Am I an asshole? Maybe she's a good down-home woman. Well, I wouldn't wouldn't say you're an asshole she's a good down-home woman yeah hey look she was the governor of alaska that's easy i could be the governor of alaska too you have to she had showbiz okay sarah shoots caribou after missing five times shown shooting caribou on the latest episode of a reality television show okay yeah what's amazing is how that she really fell off like wait a minute is she just shooting it freehand she had she doesn't have a rest okay why why would you do that okay let me see let's show this let me see how she does okay this is fucking stupid listen folks the only reason to do this

does she have a rest shout out she's free handing this how okay look they got the packs on it now she's gonna rest it hmm they said i rest tiny little caribou too that care that's why the caribou's still around she's just firing that's a juvenile caribou no she hasn't shot yet let's see what we got here she has yeah it went down she took some shots oh she took took some shots and missed yeah okay that's why so she free-handed it first and then she needed a rest she should have used a rest immediately and i've i've shot animals free-handing but not never far away i shot a moose at 60 yards what's wrong with freehanding it because you're not as accurate yeah you know what with a bow well a bow is more accurate um

honestly a bow i'm more accurate with a bow at like 60 70 yards freehand not more accurate but in the range that i am with a rifle with a rifle when you get out you could shoot accurately on a rest like way out longer distances but when you're just holding it up like that it's based on you i mean you got to kind of lock it into your body but it's hard to but isn't it bow it's steady no bow the thing is about the tension of the bow your arm is kind of locked out and the tension of the bow you could keep your arm pretty fucking steady. And I practice it every day like that. So I'm practicing keeping my arm

very steady every day. So all these stabilizer muscles in my shoulder are very strong. And having a gun out there is just like, whoo! It's just a little... And also, there's like the recoil. If you're not used to shooting, and it doesn't look like she's used to shooting, she didn't immediately go for the rest. Like a seasoned hunter would have either

lane prone or throw their pack down immediately put that rifle over it and settle in right rifles resting on something gotcha you know but a lot of times they'll bring like sticks but they pod fails and we're making a reality show for TLC see but see what I though, that there was a photo shoot they did. See if you can find this. This shot's fake? Do you think that the shot's fake? I think it's fake.

Well, they just put a circle around the caribou. Yeah, but that's just for the filming. The caribou definitely went down. What, somebody? Yeah, but I mean, I don't think, she shot it and it went down. I think it's most likely she shot it and it went down. Because you see the way she's reacting and everybody else is reacting. That seems pretty real to me.

It's not impossible to shoot an animal. Especially, that's a juvenile caribou. See how little their antlers are? He's like, hey guys, what are you doing? That's what you would call, if that was an elk, you would call that a spike. Hey look, it's people. I'm just thinking about the production here. There's one camera on her, and then there's one behind them,

but that means that they then have a third that's focused just on the animal, and then it means there's three camera guys out there with them. That just sounds like a lot. Yeah, and the caribou's like, hey, I'm going to be on TV. That's a good point. They might have recreated the shot. It's possible. You know what, man?

The reality is whenever you're dealing with air quote reality shows right there's massive fuckery involved oh yeah and editing and please but uh back to whether you could affect it whether or not the art can affect yeah that what you think that affects it yeah i mean what Trump did during the election, like calling people out and mocking them. Yeah, but is that art? No, that's not art. But he was kind of like a Long Island comedian, like an insult comic. Yeah.

You know, he was just like going after these guys, Crazy Ted and the little water guy. I mean, he was doing an act. It was very much entertainment. Though Lion Ted, Crazy Hillary, Crazy Bernie. No. Crooked Hillary. Crooked Hillary and Crazy Bernie. He's going to defend Ted, he said, at a big rally.

Defend him? Yeah. For what? For the Texas thing he's in. What? What are you talking about? Pat. I'll pull it up right now.

Pocahontas. Pocahontas. Yeah, he's in a race right now with, I forget the guy's name. It's Betty O'Rourke or Patty O'Rourke. I'll pull it up. Okay, so he's defending him in what way? He's going to hold a now with, I forget the guy's name. It's Betty O'Rourke or Patty O'Rourke. I'll pull it up. Okay, so he's defending him? In what way? He's going to hold a big rally for him.

Oh. Pocahontas. How gross is that? After they talk so much shit about each other? Who, Cruz? Yeah. Is that what he said? Yeah, after he says his father killed Kennedy or something.

He said his father was a Zodiac killer. I'll be doing a major rally for Senator Ted Cruz in October. I'm picking the biggest stadium in Texas we can find. As you know, Ted has my complete and total endorsement. I like how he wrote endorsement with a capital E. His opponent is a disaster for Texas. Weak on Second Amendment, crime, borders, military, and vets. There was an article yesterday showing all the times that Trump has been lying.

It's stunning. But one of the more recent ones was he did an interview where he was talking about, god damn it. Lester Holt. Lester Holt, that's right. It was Lester Holt. And he was saying that they fudged that interview and it cost them badly and so then they played the transcript they wrote they showed the transcript of the interview they released the full interview yeah like there's no fudging no they just played it as is yeah like what are you talking about yeah he but he says stuff like that

right he said he says what you saw is not real. The truth is not the truth. Well, that was what Giuliani said. Yeah. But that's what they're just, nothing's real except what I tell you is real. Well, I just think that they've realized that there's a certain percentage of the people that are with them that just need some wiggle room. They just need somewhere to argue. They just need some conspiracy threat. They're not thinkers. Right.

They just need a little bit of're not thinkers right they just need a little bit of something that they could run with and use to argue so if comedians come out and attack trump and you know there's comics that are you know bill maher and all these people that come out and really go against him does it have any effect it has an effect it does for sure i think alec baldwin has the most effect uh-huh that that impression when he does the impression of him that impression is brilliant yeah it's very good i mean it makes trump angry too trump keeps shitting on it he keeps watching it he can't stop watching it that alone has an effect yeah you know yeah but it's it's it's like i've never seen a time where people are more angry at the press and going along with the conspiracy thread of the deep state. The deep state trying to take out the POTUS.

I love how they call him POTUS, too. It's fucking Donald Trump. Stop. No, no, no. POTUS is this and that. He's going to do this and clean the swamp. Like, what? It's Donald Trump. Why are you saying POTUS? If you want. He's going to do this and clean the swamp. I'm like, what? It's Donald Trump.

Why are you saying POTUS? If you want to say Trump, that's fine. You want to say President Trump, that's fine, too. You want to call him POTUS. You're doing some sneaky shit there. I'm not sure what you're doing, but I don't like it. Anytime you use code words, I'm out. I don't like what you're doing there.

Agent 99. POTUS. Get out of here with POTUS. Even the POTUS. I like how here with POTUS. You and the POTUS. I like how he wears a hat that says 45 on it. That's me. 45th president. He had his own hats made.

Yeah. Who the fuck? What other president has had hats made? I know. He has merch. He's selling merch after the show. I'm going to be signing in the lobby. I'll be signing stuff in the lobby.

I got painters caps, bumper stickers. Look at this. Looking for a gift? Is this the Trump? This is a good way to get assaulted. Official merch page. If you just wear one of these in a vegan restaurant, you're sure to get punched. Oh, my God.

That guy's going to get indicted. That guy that pulled the hat off of some kids and threw a drink on them. Whataburger, is that what it was? The guy in Texas? Yeah, some dude saw some... There, he's got the 45 hats. Hilarious. Official.

It's only $185. It's on sale, too. $50,000. Buy it, stupid. One of a kind. It's on sale. It used to be $28. Now it's $16.80.

You can get my DVD. You can get a digital download of my speech tonight. How do you go from $28 to $16.80? Like, I want to be in the room with that conversation. Like, what do you want to charge? $17.38. No. Less.

I'll tell you. $16.90. Nah, too close to $17. This one's $40. $40? Oh, it just says USA. It must be a good seller. People love USA.

How does he get that trademark? Trump in the back. That is fucking hilarious. $45 on the side, Trump in the back. $40 for a hat. If they find that you bought that, they put you on a very special list of morons that they count on

whenever there's a rally. If they're going to have a fake Hillary in a jail cell and they're going to throw her through a parade. Have her on a cart and carry her through a parade. You don't want President Pence. Listen. you know, I mean, people that are not happy with Trump, you've got to understand,

you get him out. It's not like you get Hillary in. This doesn't work that way. That's right. Bernie doesn't come in out of the hallway. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

Wouldn't you rather have Pence? I know people say that, but I just want someone normal. I want someone that... Oh, Pence is not normal. Did you see what Ben Shapiro wrote? He put a tweet up with a picture of the lady from The Handmaid's Tale when Trump was in deep trouble, and he wrote, prepare for Pence. Oh, no. He's a fucking legit religious nut

yeah over the top won't be alone in a room with a woman yeah yeah how about Romney remember Romney

he's a Mormon I just saw him on Jay Leno's show he seems like a reasonable guy he looks very presidential he's got cool president hair

I gotta be honest he seems Romney seems like a reasonable man. He seems kind. He seems like he respects morals. And he's a nutty Mormon, for sure. You know why? Because all Mormons are nutty Mormons.

Just being a Mormon's nutty. They changed the name. You don't call them Mormons anymore. I know. We were talking about that yesterday. Oh, yeah? They rebranded. Yeah, rebranded.

They're Latter-day Saints. That's right. Calling them a Mormon is like calling a small person a midget. Oh, is it? Yes. So a compliment? Saints. That's right. Calling them a Mormon is like calling a small person a midget. Oh, is it? Yes. So a compliment? No. Oh.

Tom. I keep forgetting what to call them. Damn it. Adorable. You are so not PC. Are you on PC Twitter? Good luck. You need to get on PC Twitter.

Hey, can I announce my new show? No. Come on. No, it's not worth it. It's big. No, it's too dangerous. You spawned it. You're taking a chance.

Why are you doing this? I know, right? Exactly. I'll be fired before it starts. No risks. He announced the show on Rogan, and then he was canceled by the time he got off. They were talking about midgets. They're assholes, and Mormons are wonderful people.

It's true. Once you have a boss. Yeah. No, my show starts Monday night. The bread show? Yeah. What's it called? Baked.

Ooh, I like it. It's baked. Look at that. Look how handsome you look. It started here, Joe. The whole thing started here. I like how you have a subtle smile. It's like, I'm happy, but, you know, I'm pretty serious about bread.

You know the real reason I do that? I look awful when I just show my teeth. No, you don't. You don't. You look great. I got this weird Joker smile. No, you don't. If you just embrace it. I am. I like all that bread

behind you. I know. Isn't that amazing? I'm in ketosis right now. Well, I knew that. The show starts this Monday night at 10 o'clock East, and we were doing New York and Detroit. Jim Gaffigan joins me in the New York one. It's all very cool. So every Monday through September, all because of this show. And you're badass fans.

Crazy. Honestly, that is why this is happening. That's awesome. Because I talked about bread on this show. That's fucking great, man. But I knew you were probably in keto, but I always like to bring a treat. What'd you bring? What's this?

I didn't want to come empty-handed. What is it? Sticks of butter? It's for Murphy. Oh, it's bone marrow. It's elk. Oh my goodness. Elk antlers for...

Can I eat this? You can't. No. A dog can't. It's for Murph. Marshall, you goodness. So elk antlers for... Can I eat this? You can't. No. The dog can't. It's for Murph. Marshall, you mean. I mean Marshall. Yeah.

I thought it was Marshall. He'll go crazy with these. Yeah. That's like one of those. My dog went crazy over those. Did you ever give your dog them? Yeah. Yeah.

He's got one at home right now. He does? Yeah. He's got some sort of an antler. He loves it. They go crazy. They just chew all the marrow out over time you look so happy when you're with your dog oh i love that dog you look so happy it's just pure

joy and the dog looks happy well he loves running and you know you get a dog out in nature he's so and he's like the best dog i've ever had really in terms of like listening and coming to you and always checking to make sure because he's a retriever. Yeah. You know, so he's like super in tune with you. Right. Like he's so funny. Like when I come home, the first thing he does, he sees me, wags his tail, comes up

to me and then he runs, grabs a toy, puts it in his mouth and then comes back to me. Like he's retrieving something. Yeah. He has these instincts to bring something to me. My black lab has the same thing. Yeah. Same thing. I always feel bad that if I don't have time to like play and start tugging with her because she's just like you're here let's go let's play yeah let's do it when you don't you have to work and you get on the phone or whatever and they just like lay on the ground like yeah

i came home you're an adult the other night at like one o'clock in the morning you know from the comedy store and uh i sat on the couch to start writing, and Marshall just comes over and goes, Dude, what's going on? What are we doing? It's like a roommate. I'm like, What's happening? You're up?

This is crazy. Everybody else is asleep. They've been asleep for hours. What are we doing? Are you just going to fuck around on the laptop? All right, I'm going to lie down right here. He just lies down. It's the best.

There is a great feeling when you're writing and the dog is right next to right till those fucking farts hit you like whoa dude did you eat a rat outside or something what happened well i hope he enjoys the elk thank you man that's awesome you're welcome yeah he's the best best dog i've ever had well i gotta find good trails johnny cash was an awesome dog too like look at that face He's just lying on his back. Yeah, so happy. He's such a happy dog. Oh, man. My dog would be happy like that if I could find some good trails.

I don't have good trails. I'd just take him to Runyon or something. Can he just run up Runyon? Yeah, you just got to be careful of other people's dogs. Marshall got bit by someone's dog once. Some people just have dogs that just are not that well, you know, socialized. Yeah. Yeah, but if you, you know, you have them on a leash for the most part, or you find

a good spot where you don't have to have them on a leash, then that's great. It's just... That's what I want to do. Other dogs are the issue. Right. And snakes. Ooh. Rattlesnakes.

Rattlesnakes you have to be very careful of. All right. Around us, out here. You guys go up, you're running, dog gets bit by a rattlesnake.lesnakes you have to be very careful of around us out here you guys go up you're running dog gets bit by a rattlesnake you're a quarter mile from

base camp he'll be okay dogs be way better off than people you can run back with him yeah yeah yeah you take him back it won't circulate

I might have to carry him eh I mean I might have to carry him cause it's really steep the stuff that we run on is like literally like super fucking steep oh yeah yeah it's uh it's basically the the last three quarters of a mile all uphill yeah and it's fucking brutal but it's great on the legs and the ass you feel my ass

the top i have my ass happy labor day but i thought when you got hit by a rattler you're supposed to like not move no you gotta get rattler, you're supposed to not move. No, you've got to get out of there. You've got to get to medical attention. You've got to go. What it does is, here's the thing. You can't suck the venom out. This is what people think.

Right. People think, oh, you just cut it and suck the venom out. This is what rattlesnake venom does. What it does is it digests your skin. Ugh. It digests your flesh. The venom does. Yes.

It causes necrosis. your skin. It digests your flesh. The venom does. Yes. It causes necrosis. So what it essentially is doing is digesting you with venom. This is the way they kill rabbits and things that they eat and swallow.

They bite them and then they kill them with this venom and it starts to digest the flesh and then they swallow it whole and it aids in their processing of this animal wait a minute whoa so it so the snake hits a rat yep if he were to take his mouth off after five minutes would have been partially digested yes is that what you're saying the tissue literally inside starts it starts digesting yeah it starts it starts decomposing and digesting. So when you get bit by a rattlesnake, a lot of times you need massive skin grafts and you have massive tissue loss and necrosis.

This one guy documented he got bit on the arm and they had a med vac amount and a helicopter. And then he had to go through a long series of operations to repair his arm. Jeez. It was like mesh and skin grafts and all these different things, and it still was fucked up. Like years later, his arm was fucked up. So if you didn't get medical attention, why would you die? Well... Like it would just spread through your organs?

Yeah, I don't exactly know. You might survive a rattlesnake bite if you didn't get medical attention, if it wasn't the most amount of venom. The real scary thing is young ones. Young? Young rattlesnakes just empty out on you, just like young boys. You pace yourself, young fella. You're like, whoa, where's all this coming from?

You've been storing it up. You don't know how to control it. That's how it is with young rattlesnakes. You want the old rattlesnake where it's just one drop at a time. Yeah, like an 80-year-old man. Bing! Bing! The difference between

an 18-year-old fella shooting, as Bill Hicks would say, arcing ropes of jism versus a rattlesnake that's like thick like a fucking tree trunk. Yeah. I ran over one once. This is crazy. I was running with my, not the last dogs that are deceased, but my dogs before that when I used to have pit bulls.

And we ran over what I thought was a large stick in the road, in the trail. And as I'm running over it in the air, I realize it is a giant rattlesnake. Thick as my forearm. Oh, my God. It was huge. Seven feet long. Jeez. Just in the middle of the trail?

Just completely stretched out like a stick. Oh, my God. Just sunning itself. And the dogs ran right over it. And it didn't strike you? No. No. The dogs luckily listened to me and they weren't aware of what it was.

But those dogs were crazy. Those dogs had been bitten three times. Oh my God. Yeah. My dogs had been bitten three times by snakes. So they knew. They just killed the snakes. They didn't give a fuck.

Pit bulls are so crazy. They're the craziest dogs. They're't give a fuck. Pit bulls are so crazy. They're the craziest dogs. They're so hardwired for combat. Right. Like the rattlesnake was like, and the pit bull was like, fuck you. Ha! He just grabbed them. It's go time.

And killed them. They didn't even worry for a second. He got bit in the face. And one time he got bit. He's been bit in the face. He got bit in the face a couple. This is Frank Sinatra. Great. That's his name. That's great. I love time he got bit in the face. He got bit in the face. This is Frank Sinatra. Great.

That's great. I love that you named the dog Sinatra. He was the craziest dog I've ever had. That dog killed everything he could. His main game was I'd leave him in the yard and he would try to kill lizards. His main game was like a video game. He would just walk around the yard, stomp on the grass looking for lizards and then dive on them. It was like

a game to him. Just try to find lizards to kill. How was he with people? He was wonderful with people. He was a sweet, sweet dog. Would never go after a person? No, no, he never bit a person. He was a little aggressive with his like wanted to play and kind of freak people out. Because he would like to play and pull ropes with you.

Like he'd want to grab a rope and bring it to you and have you pull on it. And he would make these horrific noises. So you'd be pulling it. He'd be like... And people were like, what the fuck, man? I'm like, he's just playing. He's a sweet dog. He watched.

Let go. Give me a kiss. Right, right. Give me crazy kisses. But he was so... They get a bad rap, though. They deserve it. Yeah.

They deserve it. They deserve it. Yeah. They deserve it. They deserve it. Yeah, they deserve it. Because you don't know, if you're just walking down the street and you see a pit bull off-leash, you should be cautious. People don't want to hear that

because they love their dog. They're like, my dog is different. Don't say that. They are bred to fight. That's what they're bred for. That's where they came from? That's where the breed...

Yep. No bullshit. The reason why they're such great dogs is because they're such great dogs is because they're bred the the good ones at least yeah to have no aggression whatsoever towards people so that when the dogs are fighting they could go in and separate them with no fear of the dogs turning on the on the owner oh interesting where'd they do this ireland america bro america that's what do you think american pitbull yeah. Yeah, that's what it's called.

Right. American Pitbull Terrier. What do you think the Michael Vick thing was all about? Right. There's a dark culture. But they've been around for a long time, though, haven't they? Sure, over 100 years. Right.

More, a couple hundred years. But that was originally going to be our national animal. Was it really? Before they went with the eagle. Yeah. Didn't Ben Franklin sell the eagle? I don't know. I don't know whose idea it was. Who wanted the the eagle? I don't know. I don't know whose idea it was.

Who wanted the pit bull? I don't know. I mean, they used those as war dogs. I mean, they used them in the Army. That would have been a cool symbol. Sort of, but you know what? The problem with those dogs is multifold. One, they have a very high prey drive.

Like their drive to attack things is very high. And the more they're bred for that, the better, like the more intelligent they are, the more intense they are. And people love them because of their intensity and their intelligence. Right. And their loyalty towards their owners is outrageous. So that love is deep. That's why the Pitbull people, because they really do, if you say anything, they get really up in arms about it. They don't

want them to have a bad rap. Dude, I love those dogs. Don't get me wrong. I love those dogs, but one of my dogs killed one of my other dogs. Oh, really? Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, you can't have two female Pitbulls. You can't have that. Two females? They'll just go at each other? Yeah, they never sort it out.

They never decide who the boss is. Wow. They decide, they start off, like, they'll figure, they'll have a fight, and then one will win, and then you say, okay, well, in a normal situation, this one realizes that it's the alpha, and then the other one will

back off. No, no fucking way. Not with girls. They won't quit. Girls never quit. They go back to it. What if one of them was hanging out with Marshall? Oh, they'd be fine. They'd be fine? Yeah, well, she was fine with my male dogs. It was the female dogs.

She didn't want other females around. But she was not fine with my males if the male was getting attention. And if she wasn't, she would get angry. Like, you're stealing my attention. Well, she was a prison dog, basically. She was in the L.A. animal shelter for many months. Oh, wow. When I got her, Brian Callen is the one who talked me into getting her.

Oh, yeah? He goes, dude, you got to get this dog. He goes, I can't get her. My yard's too small. He goes, this dog is so amazing, so sweet. And I went to see her, and she was the sweetest dog to people. To people. How old?

Was it a puppy still? She was 11 months. Still a puppy. When I got her. Yeah. She's still a puppy. But she was amazing. But they're. When I got her. Yeah. She's still a puppy. But she was amazing. But they're just fucking dangerous around dogs.

Yeah. You know. My sister had a bull mastiff. Oh, those are great. Great dogs. That's different. So kind to people. Like loving.

Like you put them with children. I mean, it's a big dog. Its head is like our heads combined. But other dogs, other small dogs. Really? It was bred for that and it would go and just any dog on a leash with an old lady attached did not care and would just pin it to the ground oh that's awful and you just couldn't get it out i mean that it's just in the breed i had a dog that was a mastiff that just died oh no i just had him his name is johnny cash

we just had to put him down. No. He couldn't walk anymore. He was 13. And this is the saddest moment, like the last week of his life. Marshall was in the pool, and he was jumping around and playing with my daughters, and everybody was having a good time. And Johnny wanted to come to the pool, but he couldn't walk over. And so he would take a couple steps, and he'd be panting, and his legs would be shaking.

He'd take a couple steps, and he's panting, and his legs are shaking. He was just in agony. So I picked him up, all like 140 pounds of him. That's a big dog. Every time I run, man, I start coughing. I ran this morning, and then for the rest of the day, I'm like, when I try to talk, I got like, ah, ah, in my throat. It's the soot.

It's the dirt. I'm breathing in dust and pollen. And I'm in the bottom of these canyons running through all this shit. And the dog's in front of me kicking up dirt. I ran on the concrete today. And my point is, I carried him. So I had to carry him over to the pool. And I sat him down there.

And he just laid down there. And he was smiling and pant pool. And I sat him down there and he just laid down there and he was smiling and panting. He was totally deaf by the time he died, like completely deaf. Like he would be lying there. He'd be like, Johnny, you hungry? Johnny. And then he'd touch me like, where'd you come from? Oh, really? That's the bummer about big dogs. They die so, well, 13 is not that bad. It was amazing. They usually die at like nine. Yeah. Eight, nine, they're ready to go. That's what's so, I can't, my dog's about 80 pounds.

And, you know, it's a big presence. 140, that's a big thing in your house. And to know that you fall deeply in love with it and then it's going to be gone in six, seven years, it's a heartbreak. It's hard. It's hard. He was the sweetest dog to everybody. Dogs, people, everybody. Just a giant, lovable. years it's a heartbreak it's hard it is the sweetest dog to everybody dogs people yeah everybody just a giant lovable recently you had to put him down oh yeah a couple weeks ago um sorry

that's yeah it was rough but it is rough but it was really hard seeing him suffer like how long bring him in well the last year was rough in the couple of months, it was when do we do this? It was like, when do we put him down? Because I don't want to come home and find him dead. Yeah. But for a year, you knew he was kind of... It's a slow deterioration. I couldn't walk him anymore.

That was about two years ago. About two years ago. I just couldn't walk him. Because where I live is a lot of hills. He just couldn't do the hills. He would just take a few steps and have to breathe heavy. They take a few steps and have to breathe heavy. Right.

I was like, oh, Jesus. I didn't think he was going to last as long as he did. That's good. That's a good life. He was the best. He was a super sweet dog, like always sweet and kind. He could be eating a steak and you could come over to him and you could take the steak from him and be like, why'd you do that?

He would never growl at you. Right. You let your dog in the pool? Oh, yeah. Yeah? Why not? I don't know. I think it's going to be all wet in the house.

Get the fuck out of here. Dry him off, bro. Dogs love to get dried off. When Marshall comes out of the pool, I pull the towel. He's like, oh, yeah, it's time for a massage. He comes over and I rub him and he's like, oh It's time for a massage He comes over And I rub him And he's like

Oh yeah Chlorine or salt water Oh salt He's like Oh yeah Oh yeah Do a joke Do a joke

He loves it Because I get one of them Big beach towels And I throw it over him And I just start rubbing him down He loves it He sees that towel He comes running towards me

He's like Massage time Motherfucker What about all the hair in the pool? Yeah, there's a lot of hair in the pool. You got to scoop that up. Yeah. Yeah, it comes in clumps.

Yeah, retrievers. You find it at the bottom. It looks like algae is growing on the bottom of the pool. I know. That's nasty hair. I've been keeping my dog out of the pool. Come on, man. Why would you do that?

I don't know. You live in LA. It's hot as fuck. Let the dog swim. Jesus, man. Yeah? Yes. Oh, the hair in the pool. Take a shower. What are you worried about? It's water.

I don't know. Seems like a pain in the ass. Is the hair dirty? It's water. The hair's in water. What about chlorine? Can I get that on the dog's skin? Is that alright? It's on your skin. Just hair's in water. What about chlorine? Can I get that on the dog's skin? Is that all right? It's on your skin. Just wash them off afterwards.

All right. Hose them down. Hose them down. Why would you worry about the dog and not yourself? Jesus. I only worry about myself and not the dog. Why don't you get a saltwater thing for your pool? So use the saltwater. Yeah.

It's a whole rigmarole. Yeah, but it's not that hard. No, I know. I'm working on other projects. Damn. You're just one of those guys that dismisses important things in your life. it's not that hard no i know i got i'm working on other projects damn you're just one of those guys that dismisses important things in your life it's not true i just put that in the back so when i get high i think about it incessantly and it fucks with my head is that what happens to me yeah oh yeah yeah that's number one thing you ever get high and then you realize oh i haven't been thinking about this at all and then when you're high it's the number one thing that happens. You ever get high and then you realize, oh, I haven't been thinking about this at all,

and then when you're high, it's the only thing you're thinking about? Oh, for sure. Things that I should have been thinking about like a year ago. Right? You're like, why is this? I'm going to fix that sprinkler. How much is that leaking water? How much water is that leaking?

What if we run out of water? Then I have to think about all the water that was leaking because the sprinkler is broken. I should just do it. What's wrong with me that I don't just do that? Why can't I just make that call? How hard is it to make that call? You know what freaks me out lately? Emails.

There's no way I can keep up. It's impossible now at this point. Do you have a number that you try and stay below in your inbox? No. That's how I do it. No. If I can stay, if I'm under 75, I know I'm on top of it. 75? I'm going to show you something that's going to make your fucking hair spin.

Look at that number. Where are we? Upper left. 4,655 in one account? Good luck with those. Is that also your garbage account? No. That's just your...

No. That's email. No. 4,000 emails. What? Yeah, exactly. Why are you doing that to yourself? How are you going to do that?

Doesn't that weigh on you? Nope. Come on. Nope. Doesn't it feel like a cluttered desk? Well, I have more than one email account. Uh-huh. You know, one for business, for managers and close friends.

So that's... And then there's one for people that have known me forever. Right. You know, and then there's a business one for people that i don't know that well you know that i'm like in my inner circle right but that's that's like that's a lot of emails bro it's a lot but your important one is your inner circle and your business and that's not 4 000 that's a lot it's hundreds hundreds hundreds and a lot of it's nonsense like it's all nonsense but then you feel like you can't throw it out yeah if i could just

keep it i have a garbage account i have i mean my one account that is yeah here you go down there oh that's not bad nine thousand nine thousand nine hundred and seventy eight but that's not bad. 9,000. 9,978. But that's because I have an AOL account that I just, anytime you're in a store, anytime, whatever, you sign up for something, can I have your email, can I have your email, it all gets that, and that's why it blows up. But my private account, my inner circle one, under 100. That's where I'm staying.

You got basically about 4,000 big dick pill ads. Yeah, exactly. I'll try this cough drop see if it'll keep me from coughing. Does cough drops work? Yeah, they do work. I'm not coughing unless I'm talking. And when I'm talking I just feel the

in the back of my throat. And it's right at, it's like two hours after running. Always? yeah up up to two hours maybe after that it sort of goes away it's like my body you have to run with one of those masks that they wear at the airport one was what china mask yeah you want some tea or anything no no i'll be all right i'm gonna try this coffee some coffee yeah i don't think that helps coffee generates phlegm hey i saw an article this morning i I wanted to get your thoughts on it. Okay.

I was reading about that they're thinking about putting video gaming in the Olympics. Whoa. Yeah, and the way they were talking about it, they're like, this is inevitable. This is going to be in the Olympics. And these kids consider themselves athletes. The only hang-up that they had on it was that the video games are violent, and they don't want to promote that. But to me, it was like, well, wait, is this really a sport? This is the Olympics trying to cash in. That's all that is.

I think Olympics are dirty. I think it's a dirty business. And this was highlighted by the movie Icarus. Right. I saw that. If you watch that movie and you realize how the IOC is in bed with the World Anti-Doping Agency and how they sort of function together and what it really is all about is making money. And anything that compromises that making money, they're going to vote against it. It's just, it's not, it's a dirty business.

And if they did have it in the Olympics, what they would basically do is take these guys who are making millions and millions of dollars playing video games at a professional level. Yeah. Millions. And they would make them work for free. And then they would make all the millions and millions of dollars. But they say, but yay, you get to be in the Olympics. Right. It's a dirty business.

I think the Olympics are dirty. I really do. That's terrible. Yeah. Well, is chess in the Olympics? No. Why isn't that in the Olympics? They even took wrestling out.

But chess, you're actually moving pieces around. Video games, you're just icons on a screen. What do you mean they took wrestling out? They took wrestling out of the Olympics. No. Yeah. You know, you just icons on a screen. Like, why? What do you mean they took wrestling out? They took wrestling out of the Olympics. No. Yeah. No, they didn't. Yes, they did.

No. Yes, I love wrestling. And they took it out. They might have brought it back, but it was gone. Right, Jamie? No. No, no. Wrestling's not out of the Olympics.

Yes, they took it out. There was no wrestling in the Summer Olympics. Come on. I'm not kidding. For real? For real. That doesn't make any sense. I know. That's crazy. Come on. I'm not kidding. For real? For real. That doesn't make any sense. I know.

That's crazy. Why wouldn't I have heard of that? I know there was at one point in time they were talking about it, but I thought it was put back in. What does it say? It was out for at least one. And 2013, IOC voted to drop wrestling from the Summer Olympic Program Effect of 2020. Is that real?

Yeah, I don't know if it's happened yet. Because it's supposed to be for 2020. I don't know if it's... I'm pretty sure it was in the Olympics in the summer. Well, it's not 2020 yet, so... No, but I mean the last Olympics that he's saying it wasn't in. I don't think it was. Yeah, I think it was.

I don't think it was! Call Bob Costa. Call him now. Bob. Bob, is your eye cured? Bob was on an episode of NewsRadio. He kicked my ass. That was the episode.

Oh, really? I thought he was hitting on this girl that I was dating. So he beat me up. Yeah, there it is in the Olympics. Oh, I guess Tom Papa's wrong again. Oh, that's from the 70s. Look at that guy's jacket. Did you see that, guys?

Did you see that referee's jacket? Speaking of the 70s, I came home last night. Hey, look at from the 70s. Look at that guy's jacket. Did you see that guy's... Did you see that referee's jacket? Speaking of the 70s, I came home last night... Hey, look at that guy. Oh, look at that guy. Jesus Christ. 1896. Go back to that. And they took it out.

All right, so maybe it was in last time, but it's... You don't know what the fuck you're talking... Look at that guy. But they voted against it now. He's trying to look jacked. He is jacked. Look at that chest. They didn't even understand weightlifting back then.

Let me tell you something, bro. That guy is not jacked. He's jacked. Pure muscle. chest. They didn't even understand weightlifting back then. Let me tell you something, bro. That guy is not jacked. He's jacked. Pure muscle. Let me see a little of this. Let me see a little of this. Greco-Roman introduced in Athens in 1896. What is going on here?

They're grabbing each other by the underwear? That's a different kind of wrestling. That's ladies. Boom. That is a rough fucking sport on the body. Oh, my God. Oof. That is a rough fucking sport Oh my god I found this though They're adding video games To the Asian games in 2022

And then it's going to be a demonstration sport in Paris 2024 It's coming Those guys don't need it This is my message to anybody who's a pro video gamer You don't need those people What do they offer? They offer shit.

They want you to work for free. They're going to make all the money. You're already huge. And by the way, the people who run that, they missed the boat. They didn't see it coming. They don't deserve it. What about the athlete part of it? What about it?

Do you consider it a sport? Well, no. It's a game. But it's a very highly skilled game. I mean, it's a very highly skilled game. I mean, it's definitely something valuable. Like, it used to be thought of as a frivolous waste of time. Right.

But now you can make legitimate money with it. But you don't, I don't think you classify it as a sport. I mean, they call it e-sports. Right. Are they an athlete? No. Is the top gamer an athlete? The only caveat is that it's hand-eye coordination, right?

There is hand-eye coordination. And what do you consider a sport? Do you consider something you move your entire body or is just moving your fingers enough? Because, like, is pool a sport? Billiards, is that a sport? I don't think it is. I think it's a game. Yeah, it's a game. But it's a game that requires hand-eye coordination and control and touch tennis is a sport right yeah tennis requires

full physical being full mental being yeah you're you're running around you're jumping back and forth you're swatting that ball they're shooting it at you trying to get out of the way i mean the the amount of endurance you have and stamina and explosiveness all contributes to your game. Would you make an exception for someone that's really good at Q-Bert? Yes. That was my favorite game. Subway surfer's in.

Subway surfer's a sport. My daughter plays that shit. She's a little whizzer. It's not a sport. They only wanted it in the Olympics because they realized there's massive amounts of people that are watching it and playing them now, and they can make a lot of money off of it. No, arenas. I mean, they're filling arenas.

More than the Olympics. The live part of it is a billion-dollar business. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of sports that are in the Olympics that no one gives a fuck about if they're not in the Olympics. Right. Right? Like curling. Curling.

The ski shoot one. The skiing and shooting one. What do they call that? Decathlon or pentathlon. Yeah. There's the one that Bruce Jenner won. Which one was that? That's the decathlon.

Did he have to shoot shit or no? No. Throw a spear or something? No. He did the javelin. Javelin's part of it. Not technically a spear, but... Okay, is archery...

Archery's in the Olympics. Yeah. Is that a sport? That's more of a sport. Right? You're using your full body. Well, not really. I mean, you are for, like, stability.

You're stabilizing with your legs, and you have a certain stance. And if your bow is heavy to pull back, then it requires strength. But that's blurring the lines it's it's a scent i think archery is essentially a martial art with a tool you know and then you're demonstrating but you could do it on paper so it's target archery but they have they have target shooting in the olympics well as part of skiing right i think they do it in both they do it in summer too i do it in summer, too? Yeah, I actually know a girl that was on a Olympic. Just target.

Yep. Just shooting. Yep, yep. Right, that girl you were telling me about. Yeah. Right, that's interesting. I mean, that's close to a video game. Not really.

No? No. Video games are, well, I guess maybe. But, like, we were showing that Sarah Palin thing, which she was trying to shoot offhand. Totally hot. She was just holding the gun up. That's more of a sport if you're trying to shoot offhand. Or pistol shooting.

I would say like pistol shooting would definitely be a sport. Like when they do those courses. You ever seen those courses that they do? Yeah, like for training and stuff. They go, ready, go. Light goes off and then you run through a door and then you turn a corner and ding, ding, ding. And then you duck down. Bad guys come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And some off, and then you run through a door, and then you turn a corner, and then you duck down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And some are bad guys, and some are good guys. Sometimes they do. There's a bunch of different ones they do, and some of them are just targets, and some of them are targets that are dressed up like people. Right. Yeah. That could be a sport. Well, that's very physically demanding. You ever see the Keanu Reeves footage?

No. When he's training for John Wick 2? No. Please, God, make John Wick 3. Have you seen the stuff of them running through Times Square on a horse, shooting people in the head? In John Wick 3? Yeah.

They're already doing it? You haven't seen that? No. Well, just show the footage. First of all, the training footage for John Wick 2. John Wick 2, man. That motherfucker, Keanu Reeves, he gets into it. Yeah.

He was training with my friend Higa Machado in Jiu-Jitsu. So they... Mr. Roboto? No. Here he is. Look at him. Give me some volume. So, like, when you watch him shoot in the movie, he looks very comfortable shooting. And even

his martial arts, like the stuff that he's doing in the movie, it's legitimate. It's doable. It's real. He's really training. Oh yeah. I mean, he's not doing anything where you go get the... There's no Roadhouse moves. Like I was watching Roadhouse last night. I love Roadhouse.

I do too. I got home from the comedy store last night and I was gonna go to sleep but Roadhouse was on. I'm like, fuck, I'm staying up. I stayed up. It's the best but Roadhouse was on. I'm like, fuck, I'm staying up. I stayed up. It's the best. Going in the bar. I watched it an hour and a half in until he killed the guy by grabbing his neck. And that's when I had to go to sleep.

You missed the big end scene in the house. It's good enough. I saw it. I saw it enough. But so he's on a horse in John Wick 3. Wow. He's the real deal. He's like Tom Cruise.

Just get him back on the Chevelle. Why are you giving him a horse? He's Tom Cruise. The 1970s Chevelle is the way to go. Not a fucking horse. Come on. So he trains like legit shooting. Trains legit shooting, legit martial arts. Samuel Jackson

is in it? Yep. Oh my god. What's Samuel Jackson not in? Is there a list of it's like 10 films. He didn't start being an actor until he was late in his career, right? Or late in his age. Oh, yeah? I just read something recently. How old was he?

I want to say 40, but I feel like I might be mixing up with someone. That might be true. That might be Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah, the original John Wick is a fucking great movie, and John Wick 2 is a great movie.

They're both great. I watched two of them back-to-back on a plane recently. Is that the one where everything's on fire in that one scene where he's like coming out of an apartment? John Wick 2 is one when he's fighting that Ruby Rose chick. He has a fight with Ruby Rose. Right.

Which is hilarious. I like her car. Never mind. I get it. Girl power. Save it. Save it. She takes such a good punch.

Yeah. Keanu's Save it. She takes such a good punch. Yeah. Keanu's pulling punches. He's legit. Tom Cruise, he trains and does all his real stuff. Yeah, Tom Cruise does a lot of crazy stunts. Right? Yeah, he fucked up his ankle jumping off of a building to another building. Yeah, climbing on the outside of planes,

hanging on. He does all that stupid shit. Car chases, he does that. He does it himself. Yeah, in Dubai, hanging off the outside of planes, hanging on. He does all that stupid shit. Yeah. Car chases, he does that. He does it himself. Yeah. In Dubai, hanging off the end of that building. Yeah, he's a maniac. He is a maniac. Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that. He's fighting off them Scientology demons. Or using the angels. Using the angels. Angels or just thetans? Thetans are the bad things. Are they? Those are the things that stick to you, right?

I thought those were like your soul. That's who you are. You are a thetan like in the shell of a – Oh. I thought the thetans were like the bad ones that came in you to fend off. Everything I know about Scientology I learned from South Park. Right. Yeah, me too.

And from that Lawrence Wright movie. I learned a couple of useful things from learning about it. Going Clear. Did you see Going Clear, the documentary? Yeah. Did you read the book? No. The book's crazy, too.

I read some of Dianetics, though. I did, too. Yeah. Yeah. I read it when I first moved to LA. I bought it. I ordered it on late night TV. Yeah.

I wanted my nephews to join up just to see what would happen. What, do you hate your sister? No. Or your brother? I was like, one of us has got to be a pioneer here. Let's see what this does. One of us has got to join the cult. Yeah, it's too late for me.

Get in there. See what happens. Have you seen Wild Wild Country? Yeah. I've been reading his book, Osho's book, The Art of Living and Dying. Oh, yeah? It's very interesting. What's unique about him is that the things that he's saying are legitimately profound and very interesting and legitimately deeply philosophical.

You're reading it and you go, is a this guy was a real thinking person and he was like deeply considering these things from all sorts of different angles and yet he allowed that crazy sheila lady to run his cult and poison people and but even before that nations but even before that he was collecting rolls royces and he was like he was collecting Rolls Royces and he loved the... Loved luxury. The problem, look, a lot of people have good ideas. They try and motivate people. It starts out with these nice intentions, whatever.

Once they taste money, that's it. It's over. Greed. It just takes you over and you can't shake it. It's like, why would I be in a Ford Taurus ford taurus when i had a rolls royce well how about just get one rolls royce bro i know but these people 22 power power and greed it's it's and celebrity and then you can't shake it all these televangelists when all those televangelists went down like they start off like preaching around the south dirty like in little churches

then they start making millions of dollars and it goes all off the rails. Greed. It's a demon, I'm telling you. I guess they're similar. I mean, because like that guy, from what you're saying, he has some good points. He has some good stuff. There's some stuff in Dianetics that makes very good sense.

Right, but hold on. Do you think that all that good stuff is negated by a love of objects? I think that it ends up corrupting them and they start making other choices that don't align with what they're preaching. Right. Yeah, I think it's – they're human beings. We're all human beings. And you start getting that power and then all of this money comes in and it corrupts.

It was also sex. It was also a lot of sex. A lot of sex. Yeah, that cult was a lot about just free sex, everybody banging everybody. It's funny how it all comes down to those things. It always becomes sex, money, power, and celebrity. That's a potent concept. They all fall from those things.

They're these desires. There's great benefits to all those things, right? Sex feels great. If you have a lot of money, you can buy awesome things and you enjoy them and you feel like you've accomplished something. If you have a lot of celebrity, then everybody kisses your ass. And he would walk in the room with his hands clasped together and everybody would go crazy. But it's a different kind of celebrity, right? It's not, his celebrity was not just like, oh, there's Tom Papa.

Dude, I love your bread show. Right. It wasn't that. Right. It was, you have the answers. Oh, Swami. Well, that's. Oh, Osho.

Yeah. Oh, Bhagwan. But that's the ultimate power is celebrity mixed with God, mixed with the answer to that. Guru. That, yeah, forget it. Guru power. Now, now you're off the charts. Well, you get a little bit of that in yoga classes.

There was a yoga class that I used to go to where the guy who was the instructor was banging some of the students. And he was slimy. He was like, you could tell. He would sing in class, like sing Hindu songs. I'd be like, bro, you are killing my buzz. Yeah, I'm out of of there but you're so white

like everything about it he was just like he was a a slippery guy yeah like and his thing was being this this really spiritual yoga guy and he's 40 year old women whose husbands were tired of fucking them they would really you know kind of get into him next thing you know he'd be giving them privates air quotes privates and he would probably you know

talk to them about sensuality of course and their aura and then probably lay some shit down about you know

one of the main problems in relationships is the passion sometimes ebbs when there's a loss of respect and appreciation for each other as individuals, as unique souls. Yes, I'm experiencing that in my relationship. I'm so sorry to hear that.

So sorry to hear that. The boundaries of intimacy should not be related. Is it me? But I feel like I'm seeing the real you that no one else sees. Yeah, sure. The boundaries of intimacy should not be confined by a piece of paper. You know, I mean, it's obviously that the vows of your marriage have already been broken by your husband, who's not nice to you anymore.

Let me write down my apartment in Encino. I'll hook you up with some of this sweet yoga dick. I'll just go, pow, pow. I'll walk around barefoot everywhere. The hot yoga guy did that. I'm so in touch with nature. The hot yoga guy did that. I'm so in touch with nature. The hot yoga guy. He got busted for sleeping with all these women.

Who was the hot yoga guy? It was the hot yoga. The Bikram guy, right? Wasn't he the guy? Yeah, more than that. He fucked everybody. He did. But more than that, he was accused of sexual assault.

Yeah. He was attacking them. Yeah, my guy wasn't sexually assaulting anybody. He was just slipping the dick in. Right. They were allowing it. They wanted the dick. Like, there's a difference.

You know? But then there's some people that say... It's a power move. Well, some people say that that's abuse. That the yoga guru who manipulates the woman and then fucks her, that he is, in a way, in a way definitely being guilty of sexual misconduct and perhaps even

like something more egregious because there's a relationship that they have between the guru and the student and he's violating that trust and that power dynamic. Yes. That's Catholic Church. Right? No. It's the same thing. The power dynamic. What do you mean

that? 40 year old married woman and a fucking yoga teacher is not the same as a little kid and a priest. But it's using power to get the same thing. Oh, no, it's not. One of them is rape and abuse. The other one is a lady who wants dick. Well, you didn't say she wanted dick. Of course she wants. She's 40 years old.

Her husband doesn't touch her. You've just twisted this around. You need to correct and apologize to all those yoga teachers out there fucking their students. No, that's a violation. If you're a guru and anything that's a teacher and below, you're using that. You're manipulating that person. Okay. But wasn't that like a big part of like undergraduate students and professors back in the day?

They can't do that anymore. Yeah. That was a big thing. No, in my high school, the basketball teacher ended up marrying his best girl basketball player. Hey. And, you know, happy ending. Yeah, it worked out.

Oh. Well, how old was she and him? He was probably 30-something, and she was 17. Whoa. When did they get married? Playing basketball. I don't know, after...

They hook up after school? Or during school? No, apparently it was during, and then they ended up... Was it legal then? No! No, no, no, no, no. In many states, it probably was legal at 17. In Jersey?

Yes. I guarantee you it was. What year? 1985, 86? I guarantee you it was. 17 was legal? Yeah, I bet it was legal. Really? I bet 16 was. 17 was legal? Yeah, I bet it was legal. Really?

I bet 16 was legal. Right. Yeah. I mean, look, it's not to say that there can't be a happy ending when somebody is the teacher or the guru. Oh, no, I'm on your side. I mean, it's definitely a violation. But it is a manipulation, yeah. What's the age of consent in 1980?

New Jersey, age 16 years old. 16? Yep. Wow. I could have hit on Miss Crew. crew okay but hold on a second consent for sexual conduct at 16 this applies to both heterosexual and homosexual conduct as a general matter this means that a person who is 16 years old can generally consent to have sex with any adult and this is in 2018 that's today that's today so here's the thing how crazy here's the thing like you know this asia

argento thing you know this thing's going on right now yes so this 17 year old kid right when uh he had sex with her it was in california so he's saying it's sexual assault because she had sex with him and then she got tony bourdain to pay this kid off 300 plus thousand dollars to shut his mouth. And then it came out that she was a hypocrite because she seduced this kid and fucked him. And she had played his mom in a movie 10 years prior when he was only seven, which is really kind of crazy. There's pictures of her and the kid when the kid was a like a little kid oh geez she stayed close to him and called him like her son and he would call her mom and stuff like that and then they got together and she lied about it and said she didn't fuck him and then pictures came

out of her in bed with them and then her friends released text messages she's a fucking monster was it was it in a way was he of legal age when they had sex this is my point he was 17 at the time so it would have been totally legal if this happened in new jersey but it happened in california but this is all going on while she was making a big deal of harvey weinstein having sex with her when she was 22 like jesus fucking christ like that was hypocrite i know you know the whole thing's crazy but my, first of all, let's be honest about that situation. I mean, 17s, he's going to be okay. I'm just saying.

Even if it's illegal, it's just not the same for boys. It is not the same. Should she have done it? Probably not. Yeah. Definitely probably not. Should she be locked up in a cage for 10 years for doing that? No.

She's a freak. All right? That lady's a freak. Yeah. Yeah. So he was 17. She's more guilty of being a hypocrite than anything. Did she stay in touch with him all those years?

She was playing the mom? Yes. The real creepy picture is her in the movie with him when he was like a little kid. Yes. The real creepy picture is her in the movie with him when he was like a little kid. But it's not as creepy as Woody Allen when he had his daughter sitting on his lap. And then 10 years later, that same daughter is holding his hand as his girlfriend in the front row of a basketball game. Yeah, that's kind of weird. You think? That's way creepier. Yeah, it's so weird i don't know if there's even a reason to make that comparison but uh my point is that kid would have no case at all if this was in new jersey right it was in new jersey which i don't think he should have a case does he is he prosecuting

like well he he apparently threatened to go public with it and he wanted money and they gave him money anthony bourdain did. Yeah. And gave him a lot. $300,000? $380,000. Oh my God. And even after he got paid, he comes out?

That is the most expensive dick that lady will ever get. Then he comes out. It came out anyway. I don't know why it came out. I don't know who released it. Harvey Weinstein. Somebody released it. I don't know what happened. Harvey Weinstein.

Somebody released it. I don't know what happened. But what they're basically showing is that this whole thing of her being attacked by Harvey Weinstein, it's complicated. Right. Maybe he did exactly what she said he did. It's possible. But she clearly is deceptive. She definitely lied about this kid. Yeah.

See, the problem is the age of consent being 17 if it was 18 or if it was you know if he was 18 rather or if it was like in new jersey where it's 16 there's no case and she just fucked a young kid and i'm just gonna be honest the only thing that's creepy is that they had this sort of mom-son thing going on where they talked about each other as mom and son. Yeah, that's weird. If she was just a hot 35-year-old who had sex with a handsome 17-year-old boy. Right.

No, 17's a man. It's not the same thing. It's not the same thing. Oh, when I was 17. If it was a 35-year-old man and a 17-year-old girl. She directed the movie, too. Does that change anything? Yes.

I don't know. She directed the movie? She directed the movie. The new one? No, movie, too. Does that change anything? I don't know. She directed the movie? The new one? No, the movie 10 years ago when he was a 17-year-old. A 7-year-old, rather. Yeah, I don't know, man. She was 37 when he was 7?

17, sorry. She was 37 when he was 17. She didn't make a move when he was 7, though. No, she waited until he was 17. She's a good person. Yeah. She got a good person. Yeah. She got close to the wire. She's like, I can't hold on anymore.

Enough already. Will you move to New Jersey? I won't. Well, just get over here. Here's the issue. I don't, I just don't think it's the same thing. Now, I think the only thing she's really guilty of here is hypocrisy and deception. I don't think she's guilty of a sex crime, even though she technically is. In my mind, I mean, maybe am I a sexist?

I don't know. If I am, I'm sexist against men. I just think the guy's going to be okay. I just don't buy that he was so damaged. Not at that age. Because if he was that damaged from her, he would have been damaged from a girl who was his age, too, who fucked him and then didn't call him anymore. Right, that's the thing.

That's just emotions. That's not a crime. You know, you hear this argument. It's like, well, a boy can be affected. For sure, everyone can be affected. But that's not a crime. You know, in some of these instances where the teacher sleeps with the kid and it's a boy and he's 14 and people are like oh come on he would love it he's a boy now

14 you're still don't know who you are you're still mixed up and again we're back to the teacher student dynamic yes it's a different situation she's manipulating you right so the question is is this dynamic equal to the teacher student because she was the director and she played his mother and they she clearly had some sort of a maternal love like sort of relationship with him early on and then it became sexual later but then she says he jumped her she says the horny kid jumped me that's what she said in her text to her friend when she's being honest oh really yeah so maybe he did maybe he was in love and pining for her the whole time yeah maybe that's one of the reasons why he came out and wanted money in the first place, because he was trying to get back at her because she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.

And maybe they had a couple of drinks together, and she just didn't know what to do when he started making moves on her, and so she fucked him because she's crazy. That's possible, too. I mean, is it a crime? I mean, you're talking about a crime where if it was 200 days later, That's possible, too. I mean, is it a crime? I mean, you're talking about a crime where if it was 200 days later, it's not a crime. Like, really?

Is he going to learn a lot in 200 days? Well, the law's the law, Joe. The law's the law. Mr. Dragnet over there. You know, the laws are on the books for a reason, Joe. And then law says 17. It doesn't say 16 and a half. It says 17 for a reason. Johnny Lawyer over here.

Well, really, that's what it comes down to. It's like, because it's so gray and because there's so many things that could happen, you really have to come down to, well, is there a law? You should have to pull your pants down. How much pubes you got? Let me see what you got. How big's your dick? You're full

grown the fuck out here pussy that's not fair i remember lady banged you i remember this i had a friend of mine in who grew hair when he was like 12 he was the hairiest little italian kid he had a mustache full beard at 13 i'm sure his pubes were gigantic. Good. Legal. Asia Argento. Go fuck that guy. He couldn't help it. He would get a haircut and would grow back by the time he got in the car. He was just Italian. Yeah.

It's very complicated. You know, the thing about her, too, is she had a consensual sexual relationship with Harvey Weinstein after the alleged incident where he ate her pussy and she didn't want him to? Well, that's like the Cosby thing. They keep coming back. There was a couple that came back. And it's like, you don't... But wait a minute. Were they aware that he drugged them the first time?

I don't know the details. It sounded like it. It sounded like they knew something was weird, but then they came back anyway. But you don't exonerate someone from a rape just because after the rape, you're friendly with them. Right. Because, you know, it's a big mental impact. You don't know what's going on with them.

Not just that. It's some people, they want to mitigate the effects of being raped by turning into something different. So they maybe would establish a consensual relationship with the person after they raped them. To try and take their power back a little? Well, not just that. To try to relieve themselves of the feeling of being a victim, like almost make it consensual. There's like a weird psychological dynamic that you and I will never understand as men.

Yeah. We'll never understand it. No. Because it's not the same. It's just not the same. No, it's not. So if she went back, you know, with Harvey. Right.

Like if a woman comes over your house right okay if you're a single guy am i in a cabin is it a little cabin yeah a little tiny 325 you're in big bear i'm in big bear you're wearing flannels and you're cutting wood okay and a girl comes over and she sucks your dick against your will you're like don't stop i can't believe you're doing this god damn it and and then once it's. You're like, don't stop. I can't believe you're doing this. God damn it. And then once it's over, you're like, well, I don't want to feel like I got raped. I'm just going to establish a relationship with this lady. Right. People would be like, shut the fuck up, Tom Papa.

Get out of here. What was that Michael Douglas? The difference is because you're a guy. So you're not worried about your physical safety. This is the real issue. Physical safety. I can't get pregnant. Right.

I used to work out at this. Right. I used to work out at this gay gym. I used to work out at Gold's Gym on Cole. And I say gay gym because it was just like a lot of gay guys. Right.

Like really obvious, over tan, you know, gay guys with like super thin tank tops with giant muscles and fucking combat boots and real aggressive

leather, like fucking paper boy hats on while they're working out. I had a friend- Fucking gay. But my point is, while I was in there working out, these guys would hit on you. Right. And you'd feel like guys were looking at you and hitting on you, and it made you uncomfortable.

Right. Well, welcome to being a woman, but not even really, because I could fuck those guys up. Right. So I wasn't worried. Like if a guy tries to- Go to the parking lot. I'd be like, hey, dude, this is going to get violent. Stop trying to fuck me.

Right. You know, like I can actually fuck you up. Whereas if I'm a girl, I have to worry that I'm fumbling for my keys and this guy's behind me. In the parking lot. Yeah. And they want to push me into the car and take my pants off. This is a real concern for women that men don't have.

So our ideas of what it would be like to be in a non-consensual relationship with a woman where she sucks your dick against your will is just not comparable that's a great point i mean that's when that michael douglas movie came out and it was the same thing it was the reverse i forget which movie it was he she goes down on him, and he's like, no, stop it. It's a work relationship. And he's like, stop, don't. Fatal Attraction? No, it wasn't Fatal Attraction. It wasn't Behind the Candelabra. It was another movie.

And it became like a thing. It became like a joke because as a disclosure. And who was the star? Demi Moore. Demi Moore. That's hilarious. Yeah, so she goes down on him. And they were trying to make the case that it could happen to a man, too. Shut up.

And the culture was like, no. Yes, thank God. There it is. Yeah, she's a predator. Yeah, she's a predator. And he's like, I can't believe this. Shut the fuck up. Get off of me.

Who wrote that? A fantastic sex thriller, masterfully done. That's fake news. Who wrote that? Well, good for them masterfully done. That's fake news. Who wrote that? Well, good for them putting it out there and giving it a try. I like how they always have that, like, fucking WCN TV, some shit you've never heard of. WWOR TV. Get the fuck out of here.

What is that? Like, they're just dying for any quote whatsoever. So they just take some wonky quote from some Boise news station. Some guy's drunk when he writes that. He's barely paying attention. But now it's just someone with a blog. It's like Don's movie hut. He loved it.

I've got a hut in the middle of the forest and I watch films. When I was watching Roadhouse last night, he put a cassette in his Mercedes in his car. He's playing music. He shoved a cassette in there and played. I was like, yes! A fucking cassette. My daughter got a cassette from one of her friends, a cassette player. Whoa. So now she's looking for cassettes.

Yeah. Can you still get them? It's pretty cool. Like on eBay or something? Yeah. Yeah. Like she has a bunch. But they're pretty obscure.

There's a real concern that everything that we have is digital, you know, and that we're moving to Kindles and eBooks and all these different things and then downloadable music and less physical music. Yeah. That anything that happens that wipes that stuff out, anything that wipes out the ability to play it or preserve the recording, we lose everything. It'll be gone forever. All information. All of our information is becoming digital. It's becoming more and more vulnerable digital it's becoming more and more

vulnerable yeah we're becoming more and more aware and more and more educated that we're at risk like we're more aware that we're that we're being attacked like people are trying to steal this stuff and we're putting more of our faith in it yeah but what i'm saying is as we become more educated not even with that just the more information we accumulate it the more vulnerable that information is it's not like books that are like lock solid and you know they're always going to be there as long as you keep in a fireproof container no this is our our knowledge itself is way more vulnerable than it's ever been before yet way more advanced than it's ever been before that's really interesting fucking weird but isn't it all backed up on the cloud? What does that mean?

Listen, man, I had Dr. Robert Schock on the podcast, who's a geologist from Boston University. Oh, yeah? And he freaked me the fuck out. Talking about coronal mass ejections from the sun and what they believe happened somewhere around 12,000 years ago. There was some sort of a gigantic solar event that caused lightning storms. You know like when it's a storm and rain is coming down from the sky,

like fucking buckets of rain everywhere? Yeah. He said it was like that with lightning. And that lightning was literally turning the ground into glass in certain places. For how long? Who knows? Mass extinction of animals.

Really? Yeah, mass extinction of people. Yeah. Like just lightning raining down on the whole planet? Yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know if he's right. Obviously, it's a controversial theory that he was proposing.

But it's based on what they believe possibly happened with coronal mass ejections from the sun, which can and does happen and has happened in the past. I always think about that. What's going to stop a giant asteroid all of a sudden heading our way? Solar flares, they're happening all the time. Yeah, it's just not with big intensity. But why not have one build up and blast us? Have you ever seen a comparison of the Earth next to the sun?

Yeah. When they show these solar flares are hundreds of times larger than the earth itself. It's so crazy. But it's far away, right guys? Yeah. It'll be okay. We're still going to have a barbecue this weekend. It's a couple million miles.

How many miles is the sun away? How many million? How many million? Yeah, the moon is 200. It varies and goes a little closer, a little further away, but somewhere around 260,000. 260,000? 93 million miles.

Whoa. The sun. Yeah. 93 million. Pull up a comparison, the sun in comparison to the size of the earth, and you realize, you're like, oh, It's a million times bigger. A million times bigger. A million times bigger than the Earth.

Oh, boy. That's how big the sun is. Here's a question. Say a solar flare pops off. If it's that far away. You're fucked. Depends on how bad it is. Wouldn't we know it's coming for a while?

Yeah, you have a couple minutes. Oh, that's it. Look at that. Look at the Earth. 1.3 million Earths. Jeez. Look at the Earth, though. Look at the little dot. Look at the little. 1.3 million earths. Jeez. Look at the earth, though. Look at the little dot.

Look at the little dot. Right there. Oh, there. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Now, look at those ejections. Look at those flares. Oh, no.

Look how big those flares are. And then look at the size of the earth. That's common. That's every day. That's happening all the time. Yeah. Have you ever seen video of it? It's fucking amazing.

It's crazy. it's crazy it's amazing like what's happening on the sun right now should freak everybody the fuck out and it varies you know it's like it's a giant nuclear fireball yeah it's just a constant nuclear explosion oh my god look at that shit it looks so hot what a shit design right how are you gonna heat everything up i'm gonna just put a big fucking fireball in the sky i mean it's basically like like a fireplace how crazy that it works how crazy that it works so good yeah it's crazy works so good yeah well it's one of the arguments for that really dumb people use for religion Like what are the odds that all this worked out this perfectly that we're this close to the Sun?

I mean come on man Scientists are trying to keep the Creator from you Japan's trying to land an unmanned robot on an asteroid twice the distance of the Sun It's a 186 million miles miles away whoa and they're next month excuse me next month they're going to be we're gonna try and land on it yes Christ the Japanese I didn't even know they were in the space game it's orbiting it right now well the Japanese have the Himawari 8 satellite that takes gigantic high-resolution full photos of the earth from 22 000 miles out every 10 minutes somewhere around then oh yeah

yeah well pull that up the himawari 8 what are the what's the details in the himawari it's one of the best things to use against these flat earth dorks like because they for the longest time one of the things they were saying is that there was no full photos of the earth from space that everything was just stitched together they don't know jack shit they're so fucking stupid it's such a scary stupid theory real time but this is real time oh look it's night time how far away is the distance the himawari 8 does it say i think it's 22 000 miles himawari 8 that's a a satellite? 22,241. Yeah. So the satellite is 22,000 miles above the Earth, and it takes real-time photos every 10 minutes in high resolution.

They're like massive, massive photographs. But they use it to predict weather, and you can literally see storms coming in and shit. Wow. That's cool. It's so badass. That's amazing. Look how you zoom in and zoom out.

I know. I had no idea the Japanese were doing all this. Oh, they're on the ball, son. They, that's cool. It's so badass. That's amazing. Look how you zoom in and zoom out. Wow. I had no idea the Japanese were doing all this. Oh, they're on the ball, son. They make the best cars. Their cars don't break. You're fucking around with these Teslas. That shit's going to run out of batteries in the desert. I'm going to be stuck.

You're going to be with chapped lips like a Mad Max movie, just shuffling, trying to get to Nevada. Please. Trying to charge my car with a phone. I have credit cards. You can have my credit cards. Just give me water. You from California.

You some kind of queer. It worked for a while. You trying to queer us up? I'm just, I'm listening to my footprint, guys. Oh, you're one of them electric car guys. Yeah, how'd that work out with your conflict minerals? You're an electric electric car you piece of shit i just try to be nice to the planet guys how could those cars not run on solar power that's

what i don't get especially in california like everything's solar why don't you have a solar roof panel and so on the car itself you need to regenerate the battery the hood should be solar oh yeah you're right oh my god look at all the known asteroids from 1999 to 2018. What? Whoa. What the fuck? We live in a shooting gallery. Look at that.

NASA's identified more than 18,000 near-Earth objects. They're just floating around all around us. Discovery rate. Hold on. Back that up again. The discovery rate averages, what did it say? 40 per week. It's asteroids. Oh, per week. It's asteroids.

Oh my God. It literally is. Hold on. Back up. Back up. Chance of a large Earth asteroid hitting Earth is slim. What? But scientists will continue to monitor all known near Earth objects for any potential

collision with Earth. They say it's slim. You know what? Until? I was talking to this one scientist. Look at that. I was talking to this one scientist and he was like well you know they're they already have uh plans in effect if if they find asteroids it's not something that i'm concerned with they're already thinking about

that and i think we'll be fine so then i talked to neil degrasse tyson and i said how much time would we need to plan for a satellite or an asteroid hitting us he goes at least 10 years i'm like what 10 years i go 10 years and he goes yeah i go so we're fucked he goes we'd be fucked i'm like no this other guy lied to me wait what do you mean 10 years from when from when you find it to when we could figure out a way to stop it oh that it would take us to 10 years you're not just oh so asteroids coming towards earth you need 10 years gap time between recognizing it's definitely going to hit Earth and having the ability and the technology to shift its direction. Couldn't you just go and shoot a rocket at it? No, bro.

Why not? It doesn't work that way. That's what happened in that movie. Which one? Deep Impact or Armageddon? The Will Smith one, right? Oh, so Armageddon was a Will Smith? No, it's Samuel L. Jackson.

Oh, no. Which one was Samuel L. Jackson the president? Was it Morgan Freeman? Morgan Freeman. Ah, Morgan Freeman. Did they give up on the Me Too against him? It seems like they let it go. I think so.

Yeah. Ah, Morgan Freeman. They tested the waters. Leave me alone. I didn't do anything. What do you think about this Louis C.K. thing? Louis C.K. has returned. Yeah, he came back.

Up in arms. Everybody's going crazy. Kyle Dunnigan did a... Go to Kyle Dunnigan's page and pull out his Instagram. Kyle Dunnigan, who has the best Instagram page. The best.

It's the best. If you're not going there, it's Donald Trump congratulating Louis C.K. for his return. Oh, no. Give me some volume. Hey, Louis.

Trump loved what you did at the comedy club. So terrific. Nobody knew what was happening until you were standing right in front of them spewing out your material. Classic Louie. Well, thank you, sir.

You didn't ask anyone if they wanted to see it. You gave them no choice but to watch you work it. Beautiful. I just went there to do some jokes. They were good jokes. Now people are like, too soon. I'm not on stage forever. You should have talked about the elephant in the room, though. Okay? No, people are like, oh, too soon. I'm on stage forever.

We should have talked about the elephant in the room, though. Okay? Start off with something like, hey, I just flew in from California, and boy, are my arms tired from jacking off in the airplane the whole time. It was terrific. Everybody was trapped in there, forced to watch me. Best flight of my life. No, no way.

Are you crazy? Doing that joke? Okay, I gotta go, okay? Yeah, me too. Me too. Louis C.K., you're hilarious. Hey, Louis. Oh, he's so damn funny.

Shout out to Kyle Dunnegan. My old roommate. Is he your old roommate? Oh, yeah, Kyle and I, for sure. Is he really your old roommate? Oh, yeah. Kyle and I, for sure. Where'd you guys live together? New York City in a horrible one-bedroom apartment. Had no doors.

I was on a futon. He was in the back. We had no windows. It was covered with roaches. Wow. No sink in the bathroom. Look at you now, making bread on TV. Kyle Dunnegan's mocking the president and one of the best comedians of our age

oh what a mess yeah what a mess what do you think about this some people don't want him to come back some people think they should he should be allowed to come back and he served time off and and then the argument by a lot of women is yeah but he hasn't said anything like he had one done anything yeah what is what you know what shows that he's learned anything like what what should you have to do i don't know i mean louis is very smart i'm sure he'll if he wants to keep doing it after this reception he'll probably come out with some statement or do something i don't know. But the reality is, what did he lose? They took away, networks took away his stuff. Film distributors weren't going to put out his film.

But as a comedian... By all accounts, the film was shit. Anybody who's seen the film... I haven't seen it. Yeah, I have a few friends that saw it. They're like, it's just so creepy and weird, especially in light of what he was doing. Yeah, it's just like... No, but regardless whether it was good or not i'm just saying like right the industry said fx said i'm taking this show from you hbo said we're taking this stuff

off netflix and we're taking this off well he's definitely definitely lost money financially but those and those are entities that okay but is that punishment or is that them exercising their desire to not work with someone who's been accused of something that they don't want to be associated with? Yeah. Is that a punishment? I don't – That seems to me that they're making a decision of who they work with and who they not work with. Right. It affects him negatively.

Sure. But it's not necessarily a punishment. Well, there's – I don't know. I think it would feel like a punishment. Sure. But my point is there's these entities that can prevent him from making a punishment. Well, there's... I don't know. I think it would feel like a punishment. Sure. But my point is there's these entities that can prevent him from making a living.

As a comedian, though, he can walk into a garage, and if he has fans, they're gonna come see him. Right. He has that under his control. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Nobody can stop that. Nobody. So, he can do it. It's up to him whether he wants to or not.

It's up to his fans whether they show up or not. And it's up to the people that hate what he did and are really against him to not go. Right. Well, that's why this thing was weird because he just showed up at the cellar, which is like his favorite place to go. And he just worked out material. And the audience, like Kyle was saying, is just, they're trapped in there and they can't get out. They didn't have an option to say, I don't want to see him. It's really interesting all the different spins, though. All the different women's spins. And one really bizarre spin that I saw was this woman was saying that this is indicative of the problem of all comedy clubs. An aggressive male audience and women sitting there feeling threatened,

not being able to use their voice. I'm like, use their voice? What are you gonna heckle? Are you saying you would be more empowered if there were more women so you could heckle? That's not cool. You're not supposed to do that at a comedy club. If you don't like someone, just don't laugh.

Here's the thing, it's not your job or it's not your place to say that you don't like someone when the other people do like it you know if you're right if you're going to get up and walk out yeah just like you're going to see a movie yeah like you're an audience member right the deal is you're not there to perform the audience is there to just sit there and laugh or not laugh. Right. But don't be rude to the other people that are enjoying it. So as soon as you put your sensibilities above the rest of the audience, well, you're a problem. Right.

You've made, if you decide like, hey, I didn't like this. I'm going to go home and write about it. That's totally your prerogative. That's fine. Get up and walk out. That's fine. Or go somewhere else and talk about it on stage yourself. Yeah.

Nothing wrong with any of those things. Yeah. Or go somewhere else and talk about it on stage yourself. Nothing wrong with any of those things. But this one woman's take was like, women don't feel like they have the ability to speak out about it. I'm like, speak out. So you're saying to heckle, hey, I don't want you on stage. I know everything about you and your story. And it's up to me. I don't want you to perform in front of me, even though those other people are laughing. Right.

And that these aggressive men were yelling, good to see you back, Louis. Aggressive men. Like, what? Okay. That's like, there's a framing of this. And this is one of, it becomes this male versus female framing. That Louis sort of represents aggressive men, sexual men, doing things to women they don't want. The women are sitting there in to women they don't want.

The women are sitting there in silence. They don't want to be there. And they don't have a voice because they feel overwhelmed and overpopulated or outnumbered. Well, the problem is those guys that Harvey and him and Matt Lauer and people like that, they are the poster boys for that. So they're going to be watched very closely. How does Matt Lauer and people like that, they are the poster boys for that. So they're going to be watched very closely. How does Matt Lauer fit into that? I get confused by this one. By all accounts, Matt Lauer had affairs, right, in the office with girls who worked with him.

So what was inappropriate is he was having sex with his staff, right? Right, but he was also hitting on people that didn't want to be hit on in his office. Yeah. That was the accusations. Yeah. It wasn't just, he was dating them.

He was also, you know, making it, making weird advancements in the office. Yeah. Okay. That is, but I mean,

all these guys, all these guys, you know, they're all very complicated. They're all very fuzzy kind of things. But, uh, you know, those guys are going to be watched very closely., you know, they're all very complicated. They're all very fuzzy kind of things. But, you know, those guys are going to be watched very closely. As you see, Louis just goes to this little club and does a set, and it's national news and national debate.

It's like it's heady stuff. It's heady stuff. Yeah. But what's fascinating is that as a culture, we're going through this great time of change and this great time of introspective thinking and of observing our behavior and discussing our behavior and watching this. Like you have the worst case examples of which, in my opinion, is Cosby. The worst case example, like drugging people and raping them. I mean, there's a woman who was on television on CNN.

She said something that freaked me out once. She said, it is entirely possible that Bill Cosby is the most prolific serial rapist in history. Oh, jeez. That's a big statement. I heard that and I went, maybe she's right. Maybe she's right. How many people does a regular rapist rape before they get caught? Yeah.

You know? And that just, I mean, that's the number that came out against them. I'm sure there's other people that had. Yeah. Yeah. That's creepy. So that's like the far end of the spectrum. Right.

And then on the other end of the spectrum, you got like Louie. Mm-hmm. Who's did something was definitely you wouldn't want to happen to your wife. No, your kids. Or your kids. Or your friends. I don't know the whole story. You know, Kurt Metzger was telling me that one of the girls who came out against him, like they had been flirting like the whole weekend and talking about sex like the whole weekend.

And then he did that. And then he had sent the girl a text saying, I'm really sorry that I did that. And she said, don't worry about it. Look, we were talking about sex all weekend. And then when the accusations came out, obviously there's more accusations that seem to be more egregious. She threw her hat into the mix as well.

Right. I don't know if that's true or not, though. The problem with a lot of these stories is you're hearing them third, fourth, fifth hand. You don't know if that's true or not, though. The problem with a lot of these stories is you're hearing them third, fourth, fifth hand. You don't, you know, all you know is he said those stories are true and that he recognized that he did something wrong and he was going to take time off. So that to me is not a guy defending himself. That's a guy saying, yeah, I definitely fucked up. I'm going to step back.

So he steps back for nine months or whatever it was. And people are saying, that's not long enough. You didn't do anything. Like you got to. So what, what should someone do? Like in one of the things that Michael Ian Black said on Twitter before they tore his dick off and stuffed it in his nose. It's like, that was a crazy thing to watch because he's like super progressive very liberal yeah and

he was saying that you know like that me too has to offer men a road to redemption and you know and a lot of these women were saying though like every road to redemption begins with i'm sorry which is a very valid point yeah a very valid point like you should you should have to say i'm sorry you know and i think he's said i sorry, but I don't know what he said to the women. I don't know what he said. I don't mean he had the one public statement. Did he say, I'm sorry. And that one public statement.

And that times article is kind of like a veiled, I'm sorry. I think. I don't know, man. It's. I don't know. You know, I hesitate to comment on any of it because it's like his mess. And if anyone that comments on it or comes near it or the owner of the comedy cellar, everyone's got to deal with the aftermath of what this guy did.

It's like, why am I, as the owner of the cellar, it's like, why does he have to get brought into Louis' behavior? I saw at least a half a dozen articles written about what a piece of shit Michael Che was for saying that Louis deserves the opportunity to make a living. Right. Right, I saw that. And they were going after Michael Che and his useless opinion. Like, whoa.

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. You know, but look, they're allowed their opinion that Michael Che's opinion is useless. I mean, this is one of the beautiful things about free expression. No, completely. That's where it's kind of the most interesting for me. And I don't mean that I take pleasure in any of this because it's horrible for everyone involved.

But it's interesting. Like I said, there's companies that probably won't go back into business with him. Right. But as a comedian, you know, he could put a show up in the park. He could put a show up anywhere he wants. It's really up to him. And people can protest it. They can not show up.

They can buy tickets by the thousands. It's going to be interesting to see when he takes that part of his earning and that part of his life in his own hands. You really can't stop him yeah um in that way uh it's it's like it's how you frame it i don't think i don't think louie's a bad guy at all i think what louie is is a pervert and i think he's you know he's into i think part of it is like being naughty and doing something that's forbidden and getting away with it and having these girls like him for being a comedian and then doing that to them. I mean, this is just my speculation. There's a lot of weirdness to it.

But I don't think that he's like an angry person and I don't think he's trying to be hurtful. I don't think any of that was. I think it's just terrible judgment everything I mean you could say a lot about it that's fucked up but it's like what it is is not

he's not like he's not trying to hurt people I think he's just fucking weird you know I mean let's like think about what it is he's asking can I jerk off in front of you? Right. Like it's the whole, I mean, it's like. Yeah.

When it comes to that kind of creepy shit is like the most considerate way to approach it. Can I jerk off in front of you? I mean, he's like literally asking. Adorable. It's so fucked up. It is a mess. I'm not diminishing the effect that it would have on a woman who respects him who wants you know she just thinks he's her friend and next

thing you know he's got his dick out like i get it yeah i'm not that's not what i'm saying it's a weird thing because you don't want you you those women were obviously very hurt and there's degrees of like oh they texted this or they said, to go out and do that to somebody in a powerful position and come out and say it and know that you're going to get hate from the world, they were in a place that they were hurt enough that they felt that they had to say something and do something. Sure. And you just want, like on this personal level, you want them to be okay.

Right. You want everybody to be okay. You want them to be okay and feel like they had justice and for coming out being brave enough to come out and say something well you also want to protect people from that happening again yeah right right the only way one of the only ways is like you got to kind of you know this and there was there was a there's definitely a feeling uh you know the comedy world is like separate and we kind of like, you know, it's a crazy environment and nightclub kind of a thing. And what you heard once these women came out was, no, this is kind of inappropriate that girls, women can't come into a club and just feel okay. Like they have to field all this stuff and guys hitting on them all the time.

Like it kind of made you look at the scene and be like, all right, maybe this scene could be cleaned up a little bit as well. Well, it's like what I was saying about really a worse version of working out at a gay gym. It's like if you go to a gay gym and you see men leer at you, you get that feeling that these guys want to have sex with you and you definitely don't want to have sex with them yeah that is how women feel all the time yeah and you and you're coming to the comedy store or wherever and you're trying to just start out as a comic and try that's such a big thing already yep and then you throw a whole nother layer on it that everyone's hitting on you from the doorman to the headliner that's got to be uh a big thing and it's like so i think that those women should feel good that it it definitely they should it made an impact they should know that they've been heard yeah and that they they they shined a light on something that

even people that were in it men that were in it were unaware of yeah they were definitely heard it's it's very difficult for people to consider, really objectively consider other people's perspectives. Like, really consider it. People consider it in a convenient way. Like, you know, they know what they can get away with, but do they really consider how the other person feels and thinks? And, you know, that's on both sides.

It's hard. There's inconsiderate women, there's inconsiderate men. And then, you know, we both do it to each other and then people develop bad traits and bad associations with the opposite sex. And it's a very common thing that people do. But I think situations where the discussion is so emotionally charged like this, it's good for us. It's good for us. It allows this public discourse. It allows this public discussion of it.

Yeah. And there hasn't been like, you know, people that have gotten hurt by, that have come out and said it like in our scene where they're like nice people and they've been attacked. It was very few. Yeah. But it was like, hey, there's some big important people in this scene and they're acting inappropriately. And, you know, you're right. I think it's good.

It's definitely woke it up and moved it further. Right. I have a funny daughter. I know you have a funny daughter. Who knows if they see our life and want to go pursue it. You want them to be able to go to a club and not have to deal with a whole nother. Right. want to go pursue it you want them to be able to go to a club and not have to deal with a whole another right it's enough when you're starting out to get five minutes of good material and to get the audience to like you and get the respect of your peers then you got to have worry about someone following you in the in the parking lot i have a friend of mine who's a comic and she

got hit on by this other guy who's a comic who shall remain nameless. And she showed me some of the texts that he sent her. And I was like, holy shit. Right. And one of them was like, I'm the only one that can make you come or something fucking crazy like that. I'm like, what? Oh, jeez. I'm like, what? Yeah.

Okay, bro. Yeah. So then it comes down to, okay, so these women were heard. Obviously, it's created a movement. But then it becomes, on the other side, it becomes about, but did this man, was he punished enough? And do we have control over whether or not he's allowed to come back as an audience? Like for a woman, the thing about a guy being angry with you, it carries that threat of physical danger. That's a different thing.

I know. I was thinking. I was on a hike the other day, and I was thinking about that fine line at the end of the night in a bar. Those meathead guys who are trying to hit on girls. And when it doesn't work, they decide they're just going to fight instead. Fucking lesbian. No, that they're going to fight guys. Right. That too. That's a they're going to fight guys. Right.

Like, that's a fine line between, you know what I mean? They're both almost violent acts. It's like aggressively hitting on women and being like, it's not going to happen. Well, screw it. I don't like the way that guy's been looking at me. I think it's just frustration. But, you know. Just frustrated.

But looking at a male doing that, like it is an aggressive this is an aggressive animal here. And one minute he could have been, I could have said yes and brought him home with me. Well he said no and now he's punching that guy in the parking lot. How often does that happen though? Is that really a common narrative? Yeah. Guys don't get

laid, they try to hit on girls and they just beat the shit out of each other? Yeah it seems like it happens. I'm gonna beat out all this fucking sex. It seems like it happens all the time. All this sex in my body, I need to beat out on you, bro. You know when you're walking down the, even in the village, you're walking down the street and there's just like an angry frat group of guys just like raging drunk. You know they were trying to get laid 10 minutes earlier. Yeah, male angst.

My point being that men are formidable, dangerous, gross creatures. They're gross. Yeah, and they're big and they're hairy. That's why there's 7 billion people, because men are gross. They shoot loads into each other. Everybody's shooting loads into people. Especially at your weightlifting gym. I had a gay friend in New York.

What was the name of that gym there? David Barton or something like that? David Barton? It's like some kind of health club in New York. And what was the name of that gym there? David Barton or something like that? David Barton? It's like some kind of health club in New York. Okay. And it was mostly gay men. And my friend said, he said, no, you don't understand.

It's really, I mean, it's to the point where when you're working out on a machine, there are pin lights that come right down on your bicep. Like the lighting is made to make you look sexier while you're working out. He said it was the greatest gym of all time. They have specific kind of lighting to accentuate the musculature?

Yeah, like if I was on a curling machine right now, there'd be a light that came from the ceiling that hits where your bicep's at. To make the shadows, to make the peaks look bigger? Yeah. So it's about sex. Yeah. You're working out. Well, if you go to a regular gym, you see people hitting on each other all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Is that it? David Barton gym. Yeah. Yeah, that looks sexy. The one in Chelsea.

Does that look sexy? Yeah, look at that. Dumbbells. I know. All those dumbbells. It's sexy. What is that? sexy? Yeah, look at that. Dumbbells. All those dumbbells. It's sexy. What is that? That looks like a bar. What is that?

Oh, those are machines. Those are cardio machines. Yeah. How weird. Sex is a weird thing. It is. For sure. Well, it's even weirder when it's packaged with advertising and sleekness and music and

then you see it in real life and people are sex sells baby and then on this social media and everyone's sticking their ass out and you know it's like there's so much going on yeah there's so much we're so over stimulated with sexual imagery do you feel like you'll be grateful and you're old and your sex drive is gone no i'll be almost dead then i'll be like sad what do you hate sex no it's like it's not about sex being bad it's about being an asshole and it's also about the the shit roll the dice that you get if you're physically unattractive when it's difficult to get someone who's attracted to you yeah that's hard too. That is hard. That is an inescapable reality of some people's bodies.

Yes. Some people are just, they have bad genetics. Yeah. And then it must be insanely frustrating. It's got to be frustrating. Yeah. But then you've got to just find someone else that's funny looking. And then you don't want them.

You want Demi Moore. Yeah, make yourself want them. You want Demi Moore to hit on you the way she hit on Michael Douglas in that movie. How come I can't be in this disclosure movie? Do you know that people are mad that someone's playing the Elephant Man, but that they're an able-bodied person? This is the most recent PC uproar, that they hired an able-bodied actor to play the Elephant Man.

Well, how many elephant men are in the Actors Guild? It's just exhausting. It's exhausting keeping up with everything. Yeah. Everything is outrageous. Everything. Yeah. Well, this is the time, like you said,

like getting outrage and discussions and then it'll kind of come back to a normal spot. Stranger Things stars casting an Elephant Man remake criticized by disability charity but you know what this is do you know you need a good actor yeah there's you just can't make everybody happy and by the way here's the thing no disrespect to the disability charity but a lot of these disability charities criticize this just so that they can highlight their charity and it's very good for the charity if they criticize things right because it makes

people aware of it it becomes a big public story and then they get donations yeah it's not bad for you gotta consider the source i mean they're probably just artists trying to make the film and you know who knows if they're good people then you know that they're going to respect it and nope need disability person in there person with disabilities to play a person with disabilities period you piece of shit but isn't that what acting is shut the fuck up and let people of disability speak yeah but i thought acting was pretending how about i thought acting was doing something that you're not first people of color speak then women of color then women then gay lesbian straight trans bisexual asexual intersexual, then you you fucking white male bread

making piece of shit. I just make bread leave me out of all of your crazy sex condoms. I don't know what's going on with all you guys whacking off. Do you want to be an ally or not? You son of a bitch. Look I'm just trying to show you the best cupcakes in New York. Oh, what are you doing

in LA? You you doing in LA? You gonna film in LA? Yeah Can I be on? We did Vito's Pizza Where'd you go? Where's Vito's Pizza? Vito's Pizza right by Largo Between Largo and

Is it good? The Comedy Store So good Really? This guy There's a good pizza place in LA? The best pizza in LA Get the fuck out of here

I'm telling you How good is it? He came from New Jersey His name's Vito He's got a sourdough starter Is he one of those guys that chips in the water? No He says it's not about. His name's Vito. He's got a sourdough starter. Is he one of those guys that chips in the water? No.

He says it's not about the water. That's a farce. He goes, you just have to know what you're doing. Oh, Vito. Have good ingredients. His crust is impeccable because he knows how to make the dough. Really? Yeah. This guy's legit.

He's spraying it in the water and he's lying about it. No. Vito's the real deal. Vito's got trucks of water in his backyard. He's not telling nobody. Vito's the real deal Vito's got trucks of water in his backyard He's not telling nobody Vito Fucking Vito Vito's the real deal

There he is Look at that fucking meatball sub That looks so good If I was going to go off my diet I would be eating that meatball sub Spaghetti looks very good as well Everything this guy makes is amazing It literally smelled like my grandmother's house

Canole Vito you motherfucker I'm in ketosis over here Why you gotta fucking do this to me Vito Come on Joe When you're off it and we're at the store We'll go to Vito's it's literally down the street I'm on it right now I go on and off

I'll go on it for a few months I'll go off it for a few months Occasionally I'll go on it for a few months. I'll go off for a few months. Yeah. All right. I mean, occasionally I'll have a cheat day. So it'll knock me out of ketosis for a few hours and knock me back. Just a few hours? Yeah.

Well, right now I'm in, you would call it mild ketosis. If you look at my piss strip, I put it up on my Instagram. There's a chart. It shows you like the darkest to the lightest. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I'm in like mid. So I've only been on it for five days, six days.

How do you feel? I always feel good. I get used to doing it. I'm used to it. Right. It seems weird. It seems like I'm not on that spectrum at all. It's because it dried out a little bit before I put it up to it. What happens if you eat a slice of Vito's?

It'll knock me down to that negative. Uh-huh. Where there's nothing. That quickly? I would call that like... One slice? Yeah. I would call it...

I'm somewhere in the range of moderate. Moderate ketosis. Moderate ketosis. But again, I pissed on it, and then I let the strip sit for a little bit, and it dried. And it looks a little weird. It's disgusting. Anyway. What it does for me, though, it's very good for my appetite

and there's cognitive benefits. You feel sharper? Yeah, my mind feels clearer when I'm on it. That's interesting. I think there's a certain amount of fog that comes with carbohydrate consumption. Too much? Yeah, well, carbohydrate consumption in general. When you eat carbohydrates, post-carbohydrate

consumption is like a lack of mental clarity like a like a down turn of the way your brain functions you know what i call that sleep nap time nappy time yeah sweet sweet nap time nap time well you and i contrast in many ways my friend i try and dial it in yeah i don't eat this stuff all the time but you know yeah but look you love it i do love there's nothing wrong with it it's a celebration of life and one of my favorite dishes on planet earth is linguine with clams when i want to go off like when i was in italy i was in italy a couple weeks ago oh yeah where'd you go i ate it every day ravello ravello where's that uh amalfi coast went to copri we took a boat

to copri and we ate there. It was fucking phenomenal food. The food was outrageous. Oh, my God. So fresh clams with the- Fresh sardines, man. Filets. Sardine filets in olive oil. So good.

The best. So good. Oh, my God. So good. Clams. The clams. Everything was so fresh. But it was interesting.

There were- Valentin Thomas, who was a professional spearfisher person. She was on the other day. And she was saying that the oceans in that area are completely overfished. Oh, really? Yeah. It's almost impossible for a regular person to go there and catch a fish. That's terrible.

They just overfished everything. It's such a bummer being alive now. It's such a bummer that everywhere everywhere you go it's always the end of whatever it's the end of the coral reef it's the end of these animals running through the woods the end of yeah it's such a bummer it is isn't it you know like even like i try and show my kids like nice nature videos like i used to watch with my dad and everyone at the end is like, but this is going away. And it's just like, oh, it sucks. Some of it is going away. Yeah.

Isn't most of it? I mean, it's, it's how you look at it. It's like, we're definitely in a, an unsustainable path, right? In terms of just what we're doing agriculturally.

If you, if you talk to farmers and you appreciate this, what they do with large scale agriculture, You talk to farmers and you appreciate what they do with large-scale agriculture. You're not supposed to grow food in the same plot of land for fucking 50 years. Corn. And just constantly throwing minerals on the ground and constantly growing. And then you get these minerally deficient plants.

Right. They're just not the same. And it's just not good for... You're not... Yeah. The only thing it's good for is deer. Because deer can come by and eat all your your corn whenever you want you get a high population of deer in the area you're not supposed to eat you're not supposed to feed cattle corn either no it's also like wildlife is supposed to exist in like wildlife habitat which is like forests and grasslands and meadows.

Right. And valleys. And sun-fed plants. Yeah. And they're supposed to be wandering around, eating all these things. They're not supposed to be existing in these massive thousand acre cornfields. It's so gross. It's just weird.

Like white-tailed deer, to a certain extent in this country, have become like farm animals. They're like a weird farm animal that's not an offense right they're just always around farms just eating farm food yeah yeah like my friend doug had this uh interesting thought about that he was like these are he goes my cows are eating grass because he has uh a farm farm yeah the cows are eating those the cows are natural right right they're organic they're eating grass my deer are eating gmo corn i go so the deer that are on my property that is wild the wild animals are not organic oh that's weird it's so crazy because they're eating something that's totally unnatural for them to eat which is gmo corn corn is everywhere and it's gmo

corn right because he's growing this corn that is like- Modified. Yeah, it's like Monsanto corn. Right. So he's growing this roundup fucking sprayed corn that these deer are eating. It's so bizarre. Which is wild deer. Yeah.

But yet the cows that are in captivity are grazing naturally on grass and they're 100% organic. Jeez, that's weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. I was reading that whole fertilizer thing, that we weren't able to get nitrogen out of the air until this one scientist did it. Fritz Haber.

Fritz Haber. Yeah, that was the same guy who created Zyklon gas. He was a Nazi, right? No, no, he was a Jew. Oh, he was a Jew? He was a Jew in Germany, and he was there in Germany. And the Nazis took it? right? No, no, he was a Jew. Oh, he was a Jew. He was a Jew in Germany and he was there in Germany. Well,

in world war one, he was the guy who created the gas that they use to spray on the allies. And he actually, at the same time, he created the Haber method for extracting nitrogen from the atmosphere, which led to, they think that the nitrogen in people's, there's a great radio lab podcast on it. Um,

I think it's called The Bad Show. And it shows how sometimes good people also do horrible things. And Fritz Haber was one of the ones that they highlighted. But when they were going to give him the Nobel Prize for creating the Haber method for extracting nitrogen from the atmosphere. The air around us is 80% nitrogen. But you couldn't get it out. Right. You couldn't get it out.

He figured out how to get it. When we breathe, we think we're breathing in oxygen mostly. No, it's mostly nitrogen and then some oxygen. And he figured out how to get it out and turn it into fertilizer and use it on soil. And it really increased radically the amount of food that people are able to grow. soil and it really increased radically the amount of food that people are able to grow he also at the same time figured out how to spray gas on on the troops so they wanted him for crimes against humanity they wanted him for war crimes at the same time they were going to give him the nobel prize oh my god yes fucking crazy and then they used his gas for the concentration camps on his

family on his family check this out and his extended family the concentration camps. They used his gas on his family. On his family. Check this out. And his extended family, because he created Zyklon gas, but he put, in Zyklon A, there's a smell that they attached to it, so that you were aware of when the gas was present. So if you were working with it, if there was a leak, it was a very obvious smell. The Nazis took Zyklon A and removed that smell and turned it into Zyklon B, which they used to spray the people in the concentration camp when they murdered the Jews. And his family got caught. Some of his extended family was killed with the very gas that he created. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And then he died. He was exiled from Germany. The whole thing was horrible. He was a Jew. Jeez. from Germany, the whole thing was horrible. He was a Jew. And so he tried to stand up for Jews as scientists and as people, and he was slowly getting pushed out as the Nazis were taking control. Oh, my God.

And then he wanted to believe in the country, and he died of a heart attack. He had terrible health. Right. And he died, like, I think he was going to Switzerland for treatment, and he wound up dying. Jeez, didn't his wife kill herself? His wife shot herself in the chest in front of, well, it was him and his son,

and he left his 13-year-old son with his dead wife and then went back to war. Oh, my God. Yeah. She did it because? Because he was killing people with gas. Well, his gas was being used, right? She was apparently gravely, she was a scientist as well.

Oh, my God. And she was gravely – she was a scientist as well. Oh, my God. And she was gravely upset at the direction that his science had taken, that he was involved in this new thing. I mean, can you imagine? You're the architect of this new method of killing people. Mass extermination. Right. But then here's the other problem with that. God, that's such a crazy story.

It's crazy. But what does that mean? Like, he's too good at killing people? Oh, we don't believe in killing people by having them choke to death on the fluid in their lungs that's built up because of poison. We would rather you take a bullet to the dick. Like, what the fuck? We're in war. Yeah, they're shooting cannons at people.

They have these gigantic 50 millimeter guns. They're blowing people to smithereens. And that's okay, but the gas is not okay. We have rules for how we're supposed to kill people. We kill the right way. What the fuck? That's terrible. We're dropping nuclear bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Nuclear bombs that are completely indiscriminate. Wipe out entire cities. Kill hundreds of thousands of people in one blast. Yeah. That's okay. But that's clean. That gas, bro. That gas is dirty.

You're an asshole to use the gas, bro. Terrible story. It's weird. It's a very terrible story. It's a weird story. Yeah. So then he created, so they took that and that's where fertilizer came from. You know where he went wrong? He was trying to fund the war effort by extracting gold

from the ocean. He was convinced that just like his Haber method of extracting nitrogen from the air, he was going to be able to, because the ocean has gold in it. It's very small amounts of gold, but he felt like if you could get it all together, it would be a large amount. And he could extract that gold from

the ocean and then use it to fund the war effort. Sounds like you and I have a treasure hunt. I think we know what to do once the bread show's done. The gold show with Tom and Joe. You and I with scuba gear on and fucking money bags. The harbor gold process is unique for several reasons. is unique for several reasons. It effectively is capable of yielding extraction efficiencies with complex ores in the high 90% range

with gold purity in the 99% range. Pre-processing prior to process, we carefully analyze the ore for the content of other minerals and ore constituents. So is this something that they actually use? See, maybe they use it now. I think they use it for other things other than gold, too. This is cyanide.

Limited cyanide. He was a genius. That's cool. Yeah, he was a genius. But the gold thing didn't pan out. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. No pun intended.

Get it? Pan for gold? Pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan. It didn't work, but he apparently worked on that for years and years, and it just never came to fruition. That was his failure, but his big success. He felt like he was going to recreate the nitrogen method with the gold method. Right. Just figure out another way to just be a hero for Germany.

Amazing. What an amazing story. Crazy. So now we're left with corn being fed to cows. Yeah. All our steak has corn in it it is awful but here's the thing as I read about that stuff

you know you read about it's such an unnatural thing that we're doing to the cattle to feed them this corn but are we at a point where there's just so many people on the planet that this is the only way you can do it? Or is there other ways to do it? Maybe.

Like, I'm going to read you something. Because people are always complaining about the methane gas that's produced by cows. And that was one of the big arguments that people would say. One of the reasons why people should not eat cows is because if you do eat cows, like, say, if you're on, like, that carnivore diet and all you eat is cows, it has a massive negative contribution to the environment. But Sean Baker sent me this scientific overview, and it says in the environmental side of the United States, the entirety of all plants and animal agriculture contributes to 9% of the total U.S. greenhouse gas emissions.

Animal agriculture makes up about 4%, and cattle specifically about 1.9% based on the latest EPA data. If every single person in the United States gives up eating meat and went vegan, and every single animal were to magically disappear, and every single animal were to magically disappear, the overall worldwide effect on greenhouse gas emissions would be about less than 1% difference. He spoke with Professor Frank Mitlocher from UC Davis, one of the world's leading authorities on greenhouse gases and animal agriculture. And he said putting the blame on meat is a disservice and it distracts from the real issue of our tremendous fossil fuel utilization.

Interesting. Interesting. But there's a lot that goes. It's not just the gas that's coming off of, right? This is the methane question. Right. You know, the real concern that keeps coming up. Like, I had this lady on yesterday, and she's on this carnivore diet,

which it seems to me that she's got, she had some, she has massive autoimmune issues. Like, had her hip replaced when she was 17, had her ankle replaced, like massive arthritis issues. And she's on this diet of all meat. And several other people are on this diet as well. They're calling it the carnivore diet. They're experiencing, at least for the short term,

they're experiencing these tremendous benefits. So the critics are saying you're contributing to greenhouse gases and methane. You're ruining the environment by eating beef. And he's saying, well, not really. The amount is very small in comparison to all the other issues. It's like less than 1% of the greenhouse gases. But then they also hear on that argument that it's really oil that is being used. Right?

It's still a carbon-based thing to transport the food from the farming all the way through the transporting to getting rid of the waste, to doing all of it. For now, but Tesla's making semis. They're constructing these gigantic, super cool looking fucking Tron semis that they're going to operate entirely on batteries. And once that happens, you have automated battery controlled trucks. Then I think the real problem is going to be people out of jobs. That's going to be a giant crisis. Yeah, the robots.

Yeah. Especially for drivers. Apparently, for men in particular, some massive number in the millions of people in this country rely on driving for a living. That's a big part of their job, their drivers. It's a giant industry. Well, they say that's happening now across all industries. Automation.

Yeah, that automation is putting so many people out of work. Yeah, I'm going to talk to Bernie Sanders about that. Are you? Oh, yeah. No way. Oh, yeah. Me and Bernie have been emailing each other. Really?

Bernie, that would be a great one. Joe. Joe. Joe. I'd like to talk to that guy. Yeah. Well, I also want to talk to other people that are proponents of universal basic income. And Elon has said that he thinks that this is going to be a real factor in the future, universal basic income.

So this is a Tesla truck that we're looking at right now in a video, which looks like a rolling – Is anyone in that? Apple store. From yesterday in Iowa, they showed it off. That's crazy. 26 cameras on board. That's so dope. Is anyone in that? Yeah, it's from yesterday in Iowa. They showed it off. That's crazy. 26 cameras on board. That's so dope. Where's the batteries? Is it in the bottom?

Is the bottom the batteries? Is that driving itself? I think that's just the trailer. I don't know. Or is there someone driving that? No, the trailer is all batteries. You have to strap all your packages in the roof. The interesting thing is the price.

The price is supposed to be around $200,000. For one of those? Yeah. Dude, this is what we do. We buy one of those bitches and we turn it into a roving podcast studio. It drives us across the country. That would be the coolest. We talk shit in the back.

Wait, it's driving on its own or there is a human driving it? That one had a human driving it. I don't believe these are in production yet. What is he chasing it? Prototype. Look at that dork chasing it. I gotta get a selfie. Hey, is that a Tesla truck? Yo, I'm trying to get a selfie.

I'm chasing the truck. I'm gonna get a selfie. I'm gonna run. At the end, he's running. He's like, I can run too. That is the coolest. I had a gig up in, a last minute gig in Yosemite. There's a gig up in, a last minute gig in Yosemite.

There's a casino up there to open for Smokey Robinson. Wow. What was that like? It was the coolest. Did you meet him? I did meet him. I met him once before. There's actually a cool story about meeting him, but I was going to take the Tesla up and I was like, yeah, like I was like trying to plot, like, will I be able to do it?

Get rid of that piece of shit. No problem. No problem. Fuck out of here. They're everywhere now. Supercharger near Fresno. Oh, yeah. Just plan out eight hours in advance.

You can pull over for eight hours and let your shit charge up. No. What a good move. It factors in. You're only going to need 20 minutes of charge or 30 minutes of charge. Fuck out of here. I'm telling you, I did it. Fuck out of here.

You're stopping for 20 minutes at a time? Yeah, well, if you stop and pee and get a coffee. Read a book. Take a shit. Go over your Twitter feed. The car's out there charging. Get out of here, man. It was great. Get a goddamn car like a man. It was so great. You got a Mustang. You need something

with some rumble to it. It was such a nice drive. Don't you have a midlife crisis or something to attend to? Going through the prairie of Yosemite at sunrise? What if your bread show takes off? Get yourself a Corvette. Are you laughing? You would never drive a Corvette?

If you had a drive... That's so funny. That's such an East Coast life dream. Tony Hinchcliffe got a Corvette. Did he really? Yeah, he calls himself. He says he has Corvette confidence.

When I text him, I text him hashtag Corvette confidence. But for real, when you drive a car that's fun, he's like, dude, I drive it to work. It's a game changer. He goes, as I'm driving to the comedy store, I get fired up. It's fast. It rumbles. He goes, especially to the ice house because it's further away. I get in that car. I'm driving to the comedy store, I get fired up. It's fast. It rumbles. It goes especially to the ice house because it's further away. I get in that car.

I have a VW Bug that's just. Shut your mouth. Don't ever compare a VW Bug to a fucking Corvette. You son of a bitch. Just having the engine and you're shifting and the smell of gas, it does something to you for sure. No, I love VW Bugs. I'm just kidding. They're very mechanical.

Yeah. Do you have an old one? 67. Oh, those are the real ones. Yeah, it's beautiful. A little sewing machine in the back. Yeah. It's fun.

They're so light, too. Yeah. You know what they've done with those? They've taken those old VW Bugs and put an old Porsche engine in the back. I know. There's a lot of people doing that. Yeah. With the buses, too.

Yeah. So they'd put like a 170 horsepower old Porsche engine, which doesn't seem like a lot. 170 horsepower is not a lot, but the car weighs nothing. Yeah. More than the, yeah. With the gas tank in the front of your car. And you got those little tiny skinny ass tires on it, too. Yeah.

Spin out all over the place. I think the beauty of it is that you have the original engine and you're just kind of puttering along. Yeah. But everyone gets annoyed. It a like a slow clown car people cut you off just to get around you they just don't even want to look at you not in this day and age i mean you think about how fast teslas are oh my god those things are unbelievably fast it's another sensation it's it's definitely satisfying it's not that gas but there's a i'm telling you the

sunrise was coming up and I'm just... Silent. No other cars around. Just going through this prairie. Going to meet Smokey Robinson. Let me stop for an hour and a half to get some electricity. Oh, I can drive for two hours now. Pull over.

Stop. How much time do you have to plan out just for charging? Extra five hours? I spent a good day trying to figure out my route. No, but here's the rock star move uh i had met smoky once before in new york we did a charity for kids in the arts um kid rock kids rock or something uh kids who rock or school of rock something like that anyway i'd met him before so i was excited to take the gig and i figure i'll meet smoky robinson it's an outdoor arena. It's an outdoor event. And they just used me to burn time while the sun went down so then he could come out at nighttime.

And so I'm sitting there with the guy that I'm just talking to and Smokey comes out. Our dressing rooms are trailers because it's outside in this gravel driveway and stuff. And Smokey comes out. He's like 78 now he's in all red red jumpsuit red cool jacket red leather boots and he comes out and i'm like all right i'll get to say hi to smoky suv door opens he goes right into this suv and he drives literally 20 feet so and drops him off at the stage so he could go right up onto the stage. He didn't even want to get his boots dirty on the gravel walkway.

Yeah. That's really what it was? Yeah. So they literally put him in this SUV. I'm telling you, from here to the end of your studio, they just dropped him off and he went right up on stage like that. That's smoky. Wow.

That is a kick-ass rock star move. That's if you don't want to keep your, you know, you don't want to get your boots dirty. It's a good move. Yeah. Comedians don't think that way. No. I'm walking in my dress shoes across the thing. Yeah.

You just get them all dirty and fucked up. I feel like I'm one of the people that way. Yeah. Right. Exactly. We're not rock stars. Yeah. Rock star is a different thing, man.

Totally. Totally. Especially that, that kind of smooth. This guy's been a rock star For a long time Forever My parents were listening to him When they were teenagers You know

I mean that's a long time That he's been Still has the voice Still has the cool moves Is he like healthy? Yeah The way he can move well? Totally

Wow that's amazing And he's got this really cool Does he exercise? Did you talk to him at all? I didn't no I would like to talk to someone That's that old That's been around for that long see what like nick jagger apparently he's just an exercise fanatic yeah that's what i heard yeah he exercised twice a day yeah and

realizes like this is the only way the only way you can keep this up amazing this i mean he's in his 70s the only way his body's going to maintain health is he's got to like consistently exercise so funny that he's next to keith i Keith, who's the total opposite way to go. The miracles. Look at him. Smokey. Wow. 1965.

65. That picture's from 65? Already a star. That's amazing. God. What does he look like today? Very similar. Smokey Robinson in 2018.

Is that him? Well, that's Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga, well that's tony bennett and lady gaga so that's probably serious yeah that's go to that picture make that picture bigger it looks pretty goddamn good looks good lady gaga looks smoking yeah she looks like she looks like sometimes you forget how hot she is she's in uh new stars born somebody tell me she wasn't hot i'm like bitch you're out of your mind. She's a talent. You run Lady Gaga? You tell me you wouldn't smash?

You ever see those videos of her when she was in NYU or something, just starting out? She's super talented. Totally. In a weird way, right? Yeah, well, her own way. Yeah. Yeah. She's amazing.

Powerful Smokey Robinson. Look at Smokey. Yeah. We don't have any comics that are that old right now that are like touring. Like once. Yeah. Once George Carlin died. Carlin.

He was like our last great touring stand up that was, you know, of that age from the 60s. Yeah. No one else is like that that's still around. No. Joan Rivers gone. Rickles gone. Oh oh you know who is um bob newhart bob still doing gigs yep still doing gigs did he take a long time off and start doing them again or something no he just would always kind of quietly do it really no kidding

have you seen him i've never seen him and i actually he was on conan the other night and i was gonna try and get tickets to see him in the Palm Desert. Burr and I were planning on going to see Cosby before the scandal broke. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because we were talking to him one night at the store. And we had always heard how good he is. You've got to go see him.

You've got to go see him. Like Chris Rock had said, dude, he fucking killed. He killed for two hours. He went on stage with no opening act. He just walks out there and he starts talking and he just starts crushing and he goes i was blown away and chris rock was saying this he goes i went to see him i was like god damn man i'm an amateur and i was like wow and i was like all right we should go so burr and i were planning and something came out

we had to cancel and then right after that something big came up the scandal went down they were like oh god that's terrible Bill saw him though Bill went and saw him I saw him

I saw him my wife was pregnant with our first baby and we had I was doing Conan and then I was gonna have two weeks off before the baby was born

that was gonna be the last gig I did we were gonna take two weeks off and just hang out before this new baby came. We're living in New York. And we went to see Cosby. Seinfeld took us to see Cosby at Carnegie Hall. Wow. And we laughed for two hours. It was a masterclass. He was so good, so easy, and we just laughed forever and went home and her water broke. Oh, wow. Yeah, we always felt like all that laughing kind of made her water break.

But it was definitely impressive. Impressive. You know what was impressive about it? He would tell these stories and build it without laughs. There would be like very few laughs for like 10 minutes as he's telling the story. And you didn't realize, even as a comic, that he was building this tension. So when the laugh did come, it was bigger than any laugh you've ever heard. I mean, he would just, it was the building of it.

Bigger than any laugh you've ever heard. I mean, he would just, it was the building of it. He was the confidence to not feel like he had to go from laugh to laugh to laugh every 30 seconds. He would just let it build, let it build. And then it would, ba-boom. It would explode. I wonder if there's recordings of him later in life, like before the scandal broke, like when he was in his 70s. Because I think now it would be impossible. Like if you go to see him, I know he's not performing now,, because I think now it would be impossible. Like if you go to see him,

I know he's not performing now, but if he was, it would be impossible. I wouldn't want to go. It's like so gross and so tainted. And so, yeah, it's a shame.

It's like, you'd have to watch him almost like a scientist and observe him before. I wonder if you would think about it too. Like now, if you watch it, even if you watch the recording, you'd be watching it thinking, I wonder if you would think about it too like now if you watch even if you watch the recording you'd be watching it thinking i wonder if he right now in the back of his mind he's like holy shit i'm a rapist and they don't know i know you know what i mean i haven't looked at anything that he's done since then i mean you know it's that was it's that's such a

he was trying to make a public relations comeback last year. He did, see if you find a video of Bill Cosby holding court in a barbershop in Philly. He was at a barbershop in Philly and they were talking about jazz musicians and he was giving them trivia questions, these barbershop people, jazz musicians. Then I was reading the comments, and the comments were like, we love you, Bill. We believe you, Bill. You know, those accusers are assholes.

There he is. Look at this. Give me some volume. Bass is on bass. Missy Bass is on bass? Mickey Bass is on bass. You're making up these people. No, I'm not.

Because you don't have your glasses. No, I'm said we said this doctor got me I said dr. Thomas I take my shower I'm one of those people yet that wipe the shower down I don't want the water running on the tile I don't want the mildew I want to I want this job to be clean and dry when I get out of it. Obviously, sir. Obviously, but obviously you live alone. So you have to clean up as my father would say behind your own mess.

Yes, sir. All right. Even when I was married, I did the same thing. Everybody in the house had their certain age. He looks really old. They all independently take care of their own. And did they all leave? Unanimously? When they left, but it was independently. It's weird to watch him. He's wearing that hello friend.

He kept, he would wear that on stage. He would wear sweaters that say hello friend. He started saying that dressing up on stage he would wear sweaters that say hello friend he started saying that clothes dressing up on stage was a crutch so sometimes he would come out with just like his birkenstocks and just take them off he'd just be in his socks he thought that being dressed up was like putting on too much of a show that you should rely purely on the spoken word of it well i mean i don't buy that i certainly i certainly don't buy i don't buy you telling other people how they should do it i mean there's there's a bunch of ways to do it well of

course if he wants to be comfortable on stage wear a hello friend sweatshirt that's fine but he was big at telling people how they're supposed to live right i mean well that was going after eddie murphy that's so ironic about it because eddie murphy first of all would go on stage with fucking leather jumpsuits on yeah like bright red leather jumpsuits unzipped down to the navel yeah and then cosby would attack him because he dropped f-bombs but meanwhile but meanwhile yeah oh it's crazy so gross so gross so gross well hypocrites man i know strange like that kind of a hypocrite, like, telling you how to live your life while they're raping people. And how crazy how many women had to come out before it started to fall.

How crazy is that Hannibal started it all off? Right. Fucking our buddy Hannibal. Hannibal just did a show somewhere and talked about it on stage and somebody recorded it. Yeah. And then people were like, wait, Bill Cosby rapes people? Yeah. You didn't hear?

Right. And then, like, wildfire spreads through the culture. But how crazy that, like, it didn't take just one woman saying he raped her. Right. It had to be, like, 16. Well, he had settled a bunch of cases. Yeah. He settled them, closed the story, sealed the records.

Non-disclosure. Paid millions. Really? Yeah, sealed the records. Non-disclosure. Paid millions. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now he's suing one of the women who's testifying against him because she's violating the hush payment. Oh, right. Darkness.

So sick of everybody else's sex. The hello friend is a nod to his son that was murdered. It's a memorial to him. Oh, jeez. There's an article I just found from a long time ago, like 1993, that he made a jazz album dedicated to him called Hello Friend. Oh, God. Did they ever find who killed his son and why?

Yeah, I think they did. Like his car broke down, right? Yeah, like by the 405 or something, right? Yeah, and he was getting out to fix it and someone killed him. Was it just a random crime or was it robbery? I think it was. I think it was a robbery attempt it says. Yeah.

Robbery attempt. Because did he have a nice car or something? I think he had a Mercedes. Ugh. It's so terrible. What a tragedy. An American tragedy. He's an American tragedy straight up across the board, top to bottom.

He was so beloved in Fat Albert and The Cosby Show and the stand-up. The strangest thing is hearing that guy call him Dr. Cosby. Like, dude, you ain't a doctor anymore. Yeah, I think they all took him. They took that shit back. Like everyone. Yeah. It was an honorary doctorate, right?

Yeah, right. From different schools. Oh. Temple and, yeah. Nasty. If they gave you an honorary doctorate, would you call yourself Dr. Papa? Yeah. Would you?

No. I'm a minister. Are you? Me too. I'm doing Rachel Feinstein's wedding. Shut the fuck up. Feinstein's wedding. Next Saturday.

Shut the fuck up. My fourth one. Really? You've done four yeah that's beautiful I marry people congratulations

yeah it's a good thing yeah it's uh it's really great I actually do really love it it becomes very real very fast you know I spend a lot of time

writing it but once you're up there and two people are coming and you're doing it it's like this is a big deal this is special this is gonna be unique unless they get, it's like, oh, this is a big deal. This is special. This is going to be unique.

Unless they get divorced. It's pretty great. And then it becomes a disaster. Knowing that I'm married is divorced. Oh, maybe you got the magic touch, bro. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you're the secret. Stopping the divorce rate of 50% in America.

That's right. What did Chris Rock have a joke about? He goes, and that's just the people who have the balls to leave. He goes, what about the cowards who stay and suffer? And this is Chris before he was divorced, which is kind of hilarious. Oh, really? Because

once he got divorced, he got taken. Oh, really? Taken. I don't think he had a prenup. So he went down hard. He was on stage. He goes, my wife made more money last year doing comedy than Dave Chappelle. Great line. It was fucking rough, man.

That's rough. It's really rough. Yeah. Or more money from comedy, he said. Oh, geez, Louise. Tough times out there for people. Got gotta be funny just to enjoy your life make some bread make some bread

celebrate with your family come on get a little cabin in the woods a little salted butter a little sourdough come on little sticky buns why not enjoy your life how many episodes are you doing of your show we did 8 and did you have any say over Little Vito's. Little sticky buns. Why not? Enjoy your life. How many episodes are you doing of your show?

We did eight. Ah. Eight. And did you have any say over what cities you chose? Yeah. Where'd you go? Yeah. We went to New York.

We went to Detroit, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Cleveland, Philly. All good places. all good we go in you just meet these bakers these people that are baking stuff and making amazing stuff we do like four or five stops in each city and uh they're all just great people they're just fun families just you know making cakes and feeding the community and it's great and you do do them with your friends in these towns? Like if you knew comedians that were in the town, did you have them come with you? No. Just you and the bakers? Just me.

Gaffigan came in New York to this donut shop, and he was the only friend that came this season. But I'd like to do more of that. That would be fun. Now, you're friends with Seinfeld. Uh-huh. And he's a crazy Porsche fanatic. Yeah. Does he ever try to get you to buy a Porsche?

Big time Porsche. No. No? No. He kind of knows I try to get you to buy a Porsche? Big time Porsche. No. No? He kind of like knows I'm not really that big of a car guy. Have you ever driven one? I did. He let me drive one once. What kind did you drive?

Because I'd never driven it. It was like a million dollar car. It was like a blue nine something S. And it was just in traffic around Santa Monica. Oh. It was really a bummer. Was it annoying? It was. It was a million dollar car? Yeah. Was it annoying? It was a million dollar car?

Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. What is a million dollar car? The same as another car, but they only made one of it. Oh, it was an older car? Yeah, it was like from the 70s, I think. Or 80s.

And it just, they'd only made like, this was like the second one or something. But no, it's like if I was into it'd he'd get on me and stuff but but you were only driving it around santa monica like if you if you could get it on open road it would be amazing yeah do you have a porsche yeah i got one out there right now if you want oh you do i got a race car that white one up there see that ring oh yeah i've seen that in the store i've seen that at the store oh that's not Seinfeld. I've seen that at the store. Ooh. That's not what you drove.

That 356 is not. No. That's not a million-dollar car. And that Speedster's not a million-dollar car. Mm-mm. It was probably a 911S. It was blue. It's probably a 911S from the 70s.

It was a... Those are worth a lot of money right now, an RS. Oh, yeah? Yeah, like that one that he's got above. Scroll down. That white one. The white one. Oh, that they couldn't get in the country for a while, right? The white one.

The white one right there. There you go. Yeah, that one. Wow. That's a very valuable car. Yeah. That's an S or an RS from... That's funny.

Woman backs into Jerry Seinfeld. Did she? She backed into the car? Yeah. 3.35. 3.35 what? Million? Yeah.

Jeez. Oh, my God. Yeah, well, you know, when Mustangs are going for 500,000. Well, it says, no, no, no, Jamie. It says worth between $14,000 and $3.35 million. Right. Yeah. So somebody's just backing up.

Yeah, well, I'm looking. Sorry. It's just a car. It's a big deal. That one on the right-hand corner is a million-dollar car. Below that. That spider. The upper right-hand, that one right there, that's a 918.

Is that the one you drove? Yeah, it looks like that. Okay. Yeah, that's a 918. That's the electric. Is that you, Tom Pompa? No. It looks like that okay yeah that's a 918 that's the electric is that you tom poppin the driver's it looks like me it's the that is a blue car that is an amazing car that's a 918 hybrid that wasn't it ridiculously fast car but that's not interesting to you amazing that's just a boxster no i i get into it i just don't know all this you know you gotta spend time

like digesting that or growing up with it and And I didn't have that, you know. I like it. I appreciate it. I had a 944 poster in my room. I remember those. Yeah. Fun engine. Yeah.

And those, you know, those weren't like the best Porsches, but that's what I kind of like got excited about. Yeah, it was fun. A lot of people like, they're very well balanced. Oh, yeah. A friend of mine drove those on a racetrack. Oh, yeah? Yeah, heack oh yeah i used to race those nice yeah because it's like it's a very balanced car right he's so deep into it it's like his thing it kind of keeps him sane i think it's just that's where he puts his uh him and jay lennon all the extra time stuff yeah it's kind of funny that they both are doing car things let us show is good have you seen. Have you seen it? I was on it. Oh, you were on it? Yeah. What were you doing? My 1965 Corvette.

Oh, yeah? I brought that on. Corvette! Yeah. I have a 65 Corvette. It's what you call a resto mod. So what they do is they take an old car, but they put modern suspension and brakes and a modern engine in it.

Oh, nice. So it's reliable. It starts up every time. It brakes really well. And the car guys think that that's not pure so it's not as good and that kind of thing i just like what i like to drive it's like to drive an old car and to keep it old it's to me like okay good luck with that you have a good time they can fix the brakes can they make it so it breaks better yeah definitely do that can they make it

so it handles better yeah they can oh why would. Can they make it so it handles better? Yeah, they can. Oh, why would I want to do that? That's not how they do it. What am I, in the Flintstone days? How about no brakes? Just give me a hole so I can stick my feet out the bottom. But they get snobby about that stuff.

They can fuck off. They do get snobby. There's a guy who lives up the street from me. I had my car and I was washing it and he pulled by with the same exact car. But his was like totally stock. And he looked at mine and immediately he could tell. Like he looked at the wheels, it had these giant fat steamroller tires on it. And I mean, it's just modern.

Everything is, and he looked at the wheels and he's like, that's not stock. I go, no, no, it's not stock. And you could see he's like shaking his head. He's like, what do you got in the hood? I go, it's a supercharged LS1 with 500 horsepower. Son. And I was like, what do you got? That rickety ass fucking carburetor driven fucking dinosaur mobile.

Fuck out of here with your stock bullshit. Don't give me this stink eye, sir. It's funny. But he really did. He was looking down at me. Yeah. It's weird. It's not stock, is it? You're not a man. You're not a man. No, it's funny. But he really did. He was looking down at me. Yeah. It's weird. It's not stock, is it?

You're not a man. You're not a man. No, it's fast and handles good. Yeah. I want it to be pleasurable to drive. Yeah, of course. Not just stare at you, fuck. God damn it.

It doesn't even have the old frame. My car is everything. Everything's different. Even the frame is different. Oh, really? Yeah, it's got a modern frame because it's rigid. Those old frames, they were pulled together with bubble gum and fucking coat hangers and shit. You drive a real 1965 car on the highway, you're like, we're going to die.

We're going to fucking die. Even my Volkswagen just has a lap belt. Oh, my Corvette has a lap belt. Oh, really? Yeah. Do you ever think about putting the regular belt in? Nope. No.

But that you'll keep? I'll leave the lap belt. It's also convertible. You the regular belt in nope no but that you'll keep i'll leave the lap belt it's also convertible carnival ride yeah if you're lucky you get thrown from the car how amazing is leno's garages though it's insane garages yeah he has 11 warehouse buildings airplane hangers yeah filled Huge. It's like a museum. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. I didn't know. I knew he had a bunch of cars, but I didn't know. And so when I went there and I was wandering around, I was like, holy shit.

Yeah. And he took my father and I through it. He let my father come after I did the Tonight Show. And he said, come on up. I'll give you a tour. He was so nice. He brought my father around, and he was just blown away. I mean, you go through like miles and miles of cars and he's like, you want to see the

motorcycles? What? Then you go into a whole nother place and there's just filled with bikes. He drives everything in there. It takes everything in there on the road. Everything's street legal. Today I'm going to take the steamroller. He takes a fucking steamroller with like rubber on the tires.

There it is right there. Jay Leno's fucking garage. It's a crazy place, man. It's so crazy. It's gorgeous. All the stuff on the walls, all the memorabilia is insane. Yeah.

It is gorgeous. And he has a shop. He has like full people there, mechanics working on the stuff. Yeah. With 3D printers making the tools and the pieces.

Yeah, he can literally make spare parts. He can machine things. Look at that. All the pieces. Yeah, he can literally make spare parts. He can machine things. Look at that. All from comedy. Hey, how you doing? Look at my fucking jean shirt on. All from comedy.

It's a Canadian tuxedo. You had him on, right? Yeah, he's great. He was great. It's so interesting hearing him swear. Right. Like the people, if you never heard the Jay Leno episode, go listen to it because he tells some fucking insane stories about doing gigs for the mob oh really yeah about the mob

guys like yelling at priests and like how intense it was oh really yeah he's been around he's done a lot of gigs he's done a lot of gigs he makes all of his all of his money for all the cars all comes from comedy. I know. His Tonight Show money all went to the bank. Is that insane? It's crazy. Like, what are you doing with all that money, bro?

It's insane. He was on Tonight Show for how many years? Yeah. He refused to spend a dime of it. Threw it all in the bank. No kids. No kids. Just keep all that money.

Just shoot loads into his car. Isn't that amazing? All from comedy. Look at that. Yeah. That front of that car is filled up with all his backed up cum. That's what it is. What?

Say that again? Wait, I'm sorry. What did you say? Shooting loads into that engine. I'm sorry. Did you say what? It runs on jizz. What?

That car does? That car does. No. I mean, I'm not a car guy, but that's weird, right? He takes that around with him. Imagine that lady just backing up into that. I'm sorry. I was on my Twitter. I'm not a car guy, but that's weird, right? He takes that around with him. Imagine that lady just backing up into that. I was on my Twitter. I'm arguing with people about Trump.

Banged into your $80 million car. I saw Jay once when I was in traffic on the cold water. I just see this man, you know, and it's all backed up in both ways. It's just tons of traffic. I see this man running down the center of the traffic. I'm like, who's this nut? And it was Jay going. He goes past the car, picks up his hubcap that came off, and goes running back the other way.

He's a nut. He probably has to get that hubcap. There's probably no other hubcap like it. Right, exactly. Yeah, that was important. A lot of the cars that he has? Look at that thing. Oh, my God. Who's that guy with him some dude oh that's richie mcrich rich oh richie little skinny tires on that fucking thing oh my god it's so weird it's a good show it's

really it's a great show yeah it's so much better for him than the Tonight Show in that he gets to be who he is. Yeah, completely. 100%. He's so passionate about cars. He fucking loves cars. And he knows everything about them. Yeah, he loves it. Oh, that's that 73 Mazda.

That guy was actually there while I was there. He was the next one after we filmed my episode. He's got this crazy 73 mazda that's like fucking super souped up really light do you see when he rolled i heard he rolled a car see that video what did he roll he rolled i think it was like a truck seinfeld rolled one of his cars yeah kind of like a baby roll seinfeld had a baby roll yeah i think he went to the hospital off the off ramp no i don't think it was think it was like... I thought he went to the hospital. Off the off-ramp. No, I don't think it was a big deal. Really?

Yeah. I think he went to the hospital. I think he almost died. No. Oh, there he goes. Yeah, look at that. Oh, it's just a car. Oh, that's a Chevelle?

Is that a... What is that? A Super V? It's hard to tell what that is. You gotta see... Oh, Jesus. Can you hear it? His reaction was funny at the end.

Whoa. No, it wasn't a stunt. This heart-stopping accident occurred while the host... That old dude shouldn't be driving. Yeah, that's kind of the vibe that you got. Jay was like, all right. Look at that guy. I mean, it literally, one, two...

What if that guy killed Jay Leno because he's too old to drive? I know. He just says, Yeah, geez. That seemed like it was a while ago. It was. It was several years ago, I think.

Wow. Is that crazy? Are you real? 2016? That's when this video was put up, yeah. Oh, wow. Look at him get out. Look at him get out.

Can you hear him? It's going to get more exciting than that. At least until he gets home. Wait till my wife sees this. Your wife? It looks like an old Barracuda. It's tough to tell what that car is. God.

Is it an old Plymouth? What is that? It's a Barracuda. Yeah, it is an old Barracuda. Oh, wow. That's the first model Barracuda, which is a totally different looking car than the second generation wow that body style is different that's a weird looking car they're cool though yeah it's good to have an obsessive hobby it's good in life yeah right even if you work hard and do all this

stuff there's still extra time it's good to put your energy into something. Yeah. For me, it's imperative. Yeah. I've figured that out over the years of my life. For me, I need mine. Hey, can I see your background? I'm not going away. The car only flipped once in the comments, but they just edited it to make it look worse. I'm trying to. I was replaying it. That's ridiculous.

Wait a minute. Play that back. No, I rolled more than once. Play it back for us. I'm sorry. Some people said they saw the unedited footage. Hold on do it again do it from the beginning You look so happy in his long goes guys shifting Here's the flip. Oh, he hit a wheel hundred horsepower. No way more than 100 horsepower. Let me see this guy

Let me see this guy. One, two. No, that. They just added the same flip back. Yeah. So it landed that way after one flip. Yeah, I think that's true. I think they're probably telling the truth.

I think that thing probably only flipped once. Whatever. Whatever. Once is rough. It's hard to get something to flip a bunch of times. Like, you've got to be really flying to flip a bunch of times. Flip once, all the energy will be dissipated by the time you hit bang, bang, bang, you know? Be careful out there, kids. Yeah, especially with those old-ass cars.

Especially old-ass cars with old suspensions. That's why I juice my shit up with modern stuff. Yeah, take that, neighbor. Handle handle neighbor asshole your fucking old dry fucking tires those old cracking tiny penis those cracked out old tires yeah with no tread you need a hobby you need stuff there's it's amazing like you could do all this work and like really hardcore your career and there's still extra time well not just that i think doing one thing only all the time is not good for the brain uh-huh i think it's good for the brain to be excited by a bunch of different things interesting i think it makes you more

unique person it makes more interesting with as a comic is i think is very important yeah it's very important to have a more nuanced perspective. Right. And to also have more information to draw from. Yeah. That, like, you're experiencing more different parts of life. And also different types of failure. I think different types of failure is good for you. Absolutely. Physical failure, mental failure.

Yeah. Complication failure. I think all that stuff is good for you. Pick something up that you're not good at. Yes. It's amazing. Yes. It's amazing how many times you will feel like a beginner back at the same thing you've

been practicing. Sure. Like if you start making changes, you're like, ah, I'm kind of back to the beginning of this again. What do you do other than the baking? The baking is the biggest thing. The baking is like, it's really like my first hobby. I never really had something like that.

Yeah. That's put all my time into. It was always just stand up. Wow. And then the baking. And now I's put all my time into. It was always just stand up. Wow. And then the baking. And now I'm writing more than ever before. So I'm like writing, sitting down, writing concentrated for long periods of time. Are you writing comedy or just writing writing?

It depends. You know, I have that. I'm the head writer for Live From Here, the Prairie Home Companion thing. Wait a minute. Is that Garrison Keillor? Yeah. So they kicked him out, right?irie Home Companion thing. Wait a minute. Is that Garrison Keillor? Yeah. So they kicked him out, right? It's the new thing.

Well, he quit. He retired before he got in trouble. He retired a couple of years before. Oh, he did? Yeah. And that's why the, but once he got in trouble, that's when the name changed. And the getting in trouble thing was before he even retired. Like it was an incident from before then.

Yes, yes. Yeah. It was an old thing. It was kind of a muddled thing. Very weird one. Yeah, it was an old thing. It was kind of a muddled thing. Very weird one. Yeah. But then, you know, but when I had said that

on the podcast that it was weird and that he just kind of hugged a chick and his hand went down her back, then someone sent me an article that there was more than one incident. Yeah.

And there was several of them and that, you know, he had been creeping. And they didn't make them public. Yeah. I don't even know what they were. But I know they had to, they did investigate it.

Right. But they had to end up changing the name of it. So anyway, I spent a lot of time writing for that. Then it went really from writing my book. And then I got that gig. So I continued writing at that pace. And now I'm, you know, continuing to write like that. So the writing is kind of,

it's weird because it's, from doing stand-up writing, this almost seems like something new. It almost seems like another hobby. You know what I mean? Sure, yeah. Another different way to exercise your mind. Yeah, it's different.

It's different sitting there and writing stuff out and really parsing at it. But it does make me think, and I haven't been able to crack it, of why not put that effort of that intense writing style into the stand-up? You don't do that?

No. I'm looser with it. I'll write it, and then I'll go perform it, and then I'll come back and edit it. But Carlin did that at the end. He would just write the whole thing and memorize it. He would, like a book book and then go present it. I haven't done that. Do you do that?

No, no. What I do is I do two things. One, I write premises in Word, and then I have a program called Scrivener, and what Scrivener does is it lets me take things into categories or into subjects. So I have a title of a set, right? I'll call it, my last special is called, the one that's coming out, it's called Strange Times. So I wrote Strange Times at the top of it, and then I have all these different subjects in

Strange Times. And then I can move them around. I i can shift them and each time i click on one it takes me to all the stuff that i've written about that subject and then i also can click on another little part of it and it shows me a cork board and on the cork board there's like these um um what you call virtual index cards and so i have the index cards that i can move around each index card has like notes on different parts like this is a very important part of the bit this is a note about a study that was done that shows that this is real

all these different things and so I can move all those around but this way I can look at it in the little tiny on the side where all each individual subject is all in this one long column and I can see like the set like this is a whole set. But then, no matter what,

it has to be really ironed out in front of an audience. Because I can write as much as I want, and a lot of it is effective, writing alone, but it comes to life in front of an audience. And changes, yeah. Yeah, changes. But how much will you write before you bring it out like will you write a couple pages into it or just a little depends you know sometimes

it's thousands of words for a couple minute bit and you'll take that up before you've tried it you'll write a thousand yes a couple thousand words yeah sometimes and sometimes it's just a few lines right and then i just run with a premise sometimes i'll just try to try to air a premise out and see where it goes yeah this is one that i'm working on right now that i just i've i have so the the the setup of the premise gets a really big laugh and then i don't know where to go with it oh really and then i'm fucking around with it and i'm trying to figure out where where to go with it i mean i know there's something there and i'm not going to let it go yeah but every day i throw a little bit of water on it and I hope to see the sprouts. Yeah. If you've got a great premise, there is a great joke there.

There's something there. Definitely. But it's one of those ones where I know, okay, I can't let this go. I know there's something there, but right now it ain't shit. Right. It's going to take a while. I could be the only one that believes in this. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's amazing. It's so funny. I was writing something about a raccoon the other day. I saw a raccoon with their hands. And as I was writing about it, I was like, wait a minute. And I looked through my notes. It's like, I thought I had a really good raccoon bit about a year ago.

So you had a raccoon on the brain? And the audience told me this wasn't very good. And I ended up quitting on it. And now I'm like, I'm back with my new raccoon. It's just sometimes you just have to let it go and then walk around it. Look at it from the back and then walk around it. Look at it from the side. I know.

And then maybe sometimes something happens. And you go, oh, my fucking raccoon bit. And you go through your notes. Oh, baby. You're back, baby. You're back, baby. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Woo. Tick, tick, tick, tick, baby. You're back, baby. You're back, baby. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Come on.

Woo. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Tom Poppett's ready at 4 o'clock. Time flies. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? The fuck, bro? I know.

When I was coming here, I was like, I don't know if I got three hours in me today. That's the last thing you said last time we were here. Is it really? Is it really? Or one of them. You said, what are we going to talk about? I don't know. We just start talking.

It always flies. Tom Papa, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, baby. On the Food Channel starting... Monday. Monday. Whoa, are you excited? Monday, September 3rd, and they'll be on every Monday. Two episodes.

Are you doing a lot of press? What's that? Are you doing a lot of press? A good amount of press, yeah. I've done a bunch. Monday's 10 p.m. 9 central. Look at that. And 10.30 p.m.

Comedy and bread. The fuck, bro. Comedy and bread. That's all you need. Hey! Hey! Fucking bread! Your audience made it happen.

Woo! For real. Well, thank you, brother. Thanks for being here. Always great. Good luck with your show. I hope it runs forever. Bread.

Do you have any elk? It's Labor Day. Yes, I do. I got a shitload. Yeah? I even bought freezer bags. Sweet hope it runs forever. Bread. Do you have any elk on Slavery Day? Yes, I do. I got a shitload. I even bought freezer bags. Sweet. Yes. Bye, everybody.

See you next week, you fucks. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye.