The Joe Rogan Experience - #1194 - Sober October 2 Recap

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

Joe is joined by Ari Shaffir, Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura to recap their 2nd annual Sober October challenge.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Boom! It's over, boys! Cheers! We did it! Cheers, cheers. So, Brock, tell us. Cheers, Eddie. Cheers.

Time to an end. Cheers. It's now No Remember November. Here we go. No Remember November, I like that. First of all, whose fucking stupid idea was it to do this goddamn fitness challenge with Tommy Bunz? That is awful. Last year, we did a nice, calm 15 hot yogas.

Yeah. That was also awful. Not even close. Not even close to this. Not even close. No, this was so much more difficult. And I didn't expect this, but I like it. I think it's fun to be competitive with your friends.

Yes. It's a fun thing. It was fun. Year round. Noround, but isolating something like this. Once a year. You get to see different sides of people you didn't know existed. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ, Joe. I wasn't happy for any of you.

Any of you worked out. Do you have no idea? I don't think anyone gets the real perspective. When Joe is focused on something, I've never seen anything like that in my fucking life. Well, I know the funniest, because everybody's competitive, and this brings it out. But the funny thing was Bert being like, whatever Joe does, I'll do double. Definitely, he was like, fuck that. And then Joe's like, no you won't.

And the other thing I didn't expect ever, I thought Ari would just be like, whatever. I'm just going to walk in the East Village. I was worried about him the most. I didn't think you were going to do shit. I was worried about him the most from the beginning. Because I know Ari's brain. Yeah. I'd be like, no, I'm out.

Fuck this. That's right. You were saying that, though. Three days in, you were texting like, this is dumb. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He says that. Right. This is what he's saying.

He's saying that, and he means it while he says it. But he's also like, I'm going to fucking kill these guys. And then he gets really serious about it. Yeah, but I was looking for loopholes in order to trick you guys to somehow not work out. So I thought if I get a bunch of points all to join in seven or eight days in.

And then you could be done? No, then I'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, I've been sick of working out, but now I'm too far away, so don't try to catch up. Oh, right, right, right. There was like some psychological sneakery he was doing with me. He was saying, you should just do your regular workout and see what your score's like. Oh, yeah.

That was a big one to try to control, Joe. I was a big fan of that one, too. Just do your regular fucking weights. Because you were entertaining that for a second. I was in the beginning. I was like, this is so stupid. But then I was like, I can't lose. And then I thought about it, and the other thing I was thinking was, this is what my plan was.

My plan was to keep up with you guys for two weeks. And then after two weeks, to set aside a lot of time and about. And then lap us? Yeah, about, well, no, just go psycho. I was like, I'm just going to go psycho. I'm going to put a pace that I don't think anybody else can keep up with for the last two weeks.

The last two weeks, I just said, I'm going to put in some 600-point days. I put in 1,000-point day. Dude, that's when I stopped looking at you. For context. I was looking at the when we started this month, and I put in my 700-point day, everyone was a little bit like, wow, Bert. started this month and I put in my 700 point day,

everyone was a little bit like, wow, Bert. By the way, I ran almost a marathon that day. Have no fucking clue. I was just looking at my goddamn phone the whole time. Just checking the points. Just checking the points. So people don't know what the points are. We'll explain.

If you get 70% of your max heart rate, that's three points a minute. If you get 80% of your max heart rate or above, that's four points a minute. So we all tried to stay in the 80 range because that's where you get 80% of your max heart rate or above, that's 4 points a minute. So we all try to stay in the 80 range because that's where you get your money. So a heavy workout for an hour in that range of 80 to 100, a heavy workout gives you 240 points. But that's if you're maxed out

for 60 minutes. If you're maxed out. Yeah. That just gives you context. What, a 600? One day I did a 935 point workout. It was over after that. Tom and I were talking. I was in New York. He called me and was like, dude, he's just fucking dragging elk around.

He has it on the whole time. He's dragging elk around. No, that wasn't even that one. No, that was a different one. That was the elk hunting day. It was mostly a hiking mountains day. That was like a 600-point day. Oh, no. That's when you were there and you were actually working out in the mountains as well. Yeah, we thought we had you stopped. I was like, 600-point day. Oh, no. That's when you were there, and you were actually working out in the mountains as well.

Yeah, we thought we had you stopped. I was like, what the fuck? I would have been like, guys, I'm elk hunting. I made the mistake of jokingly saying, oh, I got him. Joe's on an elk hunting vacation. And the hunters were like, dude, it's not a fucking vacation. It's work. And I was like, easy, guys.

Well, you got a backpack on and you can walk as money as the most I've ever walked is 12 miles in a day and you're walking up and down an elevation you're going up and down like I saved it one day cuz it was so ridiculous cuz I'd gone up and down I forget it like a hundred and thirty flights of stairs something something fucking crazy but you ended up getting your what did you shoot on this hunt? A thousand pound elk. Yeah, it was a big elk.

You got it relatively quickly, right? Yeah, on the first day. Thank God. So then I came back. Yeah. We just kept going more those days. I came back. But the 935 point day, that was my big day.

It was a thousand points. Because I did 935 in the day. And then I did a podcast. And then I did 100 later on in the day. Just to see you guys anymore? Yeah, that's what I was wondering. There was like, I didn't have, there was a, part of it was time management. I suffered socially from this.

The huge part was like, who had the most time to spend in the gym? I was here two Mondays ago, or last Monday, and it was popping out at the comedy store. I was going to hang out with everybody. And then it was like, nah, it's 10 o'clock. I've got to get a couple hours in. Your workouts were so late. So late.

I've got to say this. Fuck you with you posting your goddamn workouts in the middle of the night. It was so deflating to go to sleep going, I've got a 200-point lead, and to wake up and go, how am I 600 points behind? I tried to break spirit. It was fun. Because that's the other thing.

Ari went through when he got this tracker, and he found out all the workarounds. So he would build up work points in his tracker, and then he'd Bluetooth it in the middle of the fucking night. No, I'd also do the workouts there. He would work out. I thought he was doing workouts at like 10 p.m. I'd come home from the cellar at 1.30 a.m., and then I'd be like, let me change and go out there. He would work out. I thought he was doing workouts at like 10 p.m. I'd come home from the cellar at 1.30 a.m.

and then I'd be like, let me change and go out there. He would go out to the gym at two in the morning. Oh, you were going at the... Yeah. Yeah. I thought you were uploading

in the middle of the night. No. Oh, my God. You could see the time that he was actually doing it. Yeah, it's the freaks were out. Yeah. For a second,

Tom and I thought that because Ari was so out of shape, his heart rate was just skyrocketing like Ralphie walking upstairs. And then Ari and I went on a second, Tom and I thought that because Ari was so out of shape, his heart rate was just skyrocketing like Ralphie walking upstairs. And then Ari and I went on a walk, on a hike, and I was in the yellow the whole time and Ari was barely in green. And I was like, oh, he's in really good shape. And then you did that day with Joe. The best is that he really bought that theory really hard. That it was just that me was out of shape.

Yeah, yeah. And he was saying it a lot. And then I go so high. I that, and he was saying it a lot. Yeah, it was probably that. And then I go, so I had to like. I texted Rogan and Tom about it. I was like, all he's not doing anything. He's barely walking, but because he's out of shape. He was selling it so hard.

And then I called him. I go, how'd it go on the hike? He's definitely better in shape than me. Immediately. Well, it's a psychological thing. You don't want to think that a guy who hasn't been working out at all is in good shape. Yeah. But I think you pushed yourself through the first week or two. Yeah. And then you got in good shape yeah but i think you pushed yourself through

the first week or two yeah and then you got in good shape and then i kept going okay first of all i had fallback plans okay what was the plan okay michelle wolf offered to give let me just have her wear the thing wow from day one that was definitely the fallback i knew that was gonna happen regardless oh yeah she runs 10 miles a day every day. And when I asked her, I was like, hey, would you wear this thing for me if I needed you to? She goes, I know what you're talking about. Absolutely, I'll wear it for you.

Whoa. I will stay in the right zone. I'll tell no one. She feels left out. She thinks she would laugh at all of us. She's a beast. Yeah, she goes crazy. She probably would.

Well, none of this is what we do. I don't do long cardio sessions Yeah, I did five and a half hours on an elliptical after running for an hour. What yeah I got 935 points I ran for an hour and then I stayed in the elliptical for five and a half hours You would see it going you check in my fucking broken got 300 points I think you talk and you check back in 30 minutes later and be like,

oh no, it's still going. It's still going. What the fuck? Well, I wanted to see how far I could go. The thought was like, when you're tired, how tired are you? Can you take another step?

Okay. Can you take two? Okay. Can you take three? Can you just keep going? I bet you can keep going. Let's see how long you can keep going. And then you get to this point where you just think about breathing.

Just think about breathing. That's what I was thinking about. I was just thinking about in and outs and just trying to stay almost like a meditative state, trying to stay in the zone. And I was pouring sweat. I set off the fire alarm. That's right. Because there was so much steam. I've never seen that before.

That's nuts. It set off the fire alarm. That's nuts. That was like four hours in. I feel like that's a story most people don't get to tell about themselves. Dude, it was madness. This is not how I work out. I work out for maybe an hour at most.

I hit the bag. I'll do some rounds. I'll lift a little weights. I'm not trying to kill myself. This was very interesting because I didn't know how my body would respond to a month of psychotic exercise. Did you guys do the things where you'd be like, the voices say, you've got to quit. Quit. Take a walk for a little bit and then go back and do it.

And then if you just go like, oh, I'm at 4.8 miles. Let me just go until 5. Oh, yeah. Or like, I'm almost at halfway through this hour. So let me just get to 30 minutes and it'll be downhill. I can stop there. It fucked with my obsessive compulsiveness really bad. Yeah.

Because I get to the place where I go, all right, I just want to get to 200 points. And then I'd be like, oh shit, I'm only at 950 calories. I want to get to 1,000 calories. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, I'm right by 220. I want to get to 220. And then it gets to a point where I believe it's like you get in the zone where you go, I'm just going to keep going. Everyone's asleep.

I'm going to keep walking. And, dude, it got bad with me to the point where, I mean, we should talk about physical breakdowns in a little bit because I know all of us dealt with some sort of physical breakdown. But I was having nightmares that you guys had fucked with my tracker and put it in that I was younger and lighter, so I wasn't earning the... I'm not even joking. Oh, really? I woke up in the middle of the night... In a panic? In a panic and checked my fucking stats on my phone.

That's hilarious. Okay, okay. Somebody got into your shit and hacked it. And I was like, these my goods, I wouldn't put it past them. Yeah, you get that point. Can I tell you my other cheat? Yeah. Okay, I figured out pretty quickly that the way they do your max heart rate is your age minus a certain number minus your age.

And then you get it from there. Then when you actually run, it'll move up or down from there. But right away, I was like, oh, okay. So I entered my age. And before I started, I wrote to the MyZone people and said, my idiot wife wrote my age in wrong. I'm actually 74. I was born in 44, not 74 and 44 the other way. And they're like, all right, we'll change it for you, sir.

What? Yeah. So you put the 70-year-old man profile? Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Hold on.

The whole month you worked out as a 74-year-old man? No, I could have done that. The problem is I already set it as the other thing. And so it'll say you have to then you have to have a brand new thing. It didn't work.

Oh. So you stuck as a 44. Yeah. It would have been great. It would have been great for people just to walk around casually earning yellow the whole time.

Whoa. Which I could have gotten. That would have been insane. Yeah. That was definitely a good cheat in my mind. When that went wrong I was like, fuck.

I feel like that one would have disqualified you. Oh, for sure. I would have been insane. Yeah. That was definitely a good cheat in my mind. When that went wrong, I was like, fuck. I feel like that one would have disqualified you. For sure. I would never have told you that. Oh, yeah. I would never have told you that. I'm still on the fence with these fucking five-hour hikes he was taking. Well, listen, man. Hiking is work.

It is work. You're going uphill for a long distance. I don't give a fuck, you guys. But you worked hard. No, of course you did. You did. You did. Here's the deal. I saw him here on the rowing machine going hard for an hour.

I watched it on my phone. It's the same shit on hikes. It's hard when you go uphill. I don't give a fuck. Dude, you earned it. You earned it. I'm not going to shit on that at all. I did the same.

I went on fucking hikes. I think we should really, really keep ourselves from judging how hard other people work. Every time I did that. Every time. Somebody got a big score. I was like, what'd you do? You cheated. How'd you cheat?

What'd you do? Dude, my hardest workouts scored the shittiest. My hardest workouts are running the hills and lifting weights. If I run the hills, it gives me almost 40 points less than if I just rode a bike or rode an elliptical machine. Because you're not in the zone. And you go up and down. You have to pause. And the way I do it is I run hard and I take breaks. I take

like a deep breath when I get to the top of one hill. He strokes his dick the whole time too. So that's difficult. I rub my balls gently with my left hand and I give myself another sprint until I can't. I have like these points where I know I can make it to if I go full clip Yeah, I'm gonna try to extend it a little bit

I keep trying to extend it but when I do that I'm going in the red and on top of going in the red I'm it's like with lifting weights like you need recovery time Yeah, and in recovery time your heart rate crashes way low You could just do the elliptical machine and just good at like 15 resistance So it's got some some give to it. You start sweating. Then you get into a zone. You just get into a zone.

It's way easier. A machine makes it all easy. Because you just get into a zone and you just got to be strong. I think the thing with those, even though if you do an intense workout, recovery is going to be, you're going to need it. You're going to feel it. If you do those for days in a row, there is still a fatigue, right? There's fatigue. There's fatigue, but there's not.

I would weaken over the month. What was getting me was the pounding, the running up the hills. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's no pounding on the elliptical. Exactly. Your foot stays in it. My feet were starting to hurt by the end because I was running miles in the hills every day with those minimalist shoes on.

Which, man, those things, they really do work. Like they really do work. But the way they work is they make your feet work harder. So if your feet aren't conditioned for that shit, man, your feet are like one of the first things that wear out. Like a nice spongy running shoe is just there's so much like smush smush every time you step on things if you get that and it's gone and you have this like really thin layer of rubber with some tread it's just your foot hitting the ground over and over again there's very little padding yes none

were you using the ultras as well the running shoe the ultra I was using one called zero and I was using of one called zero and i was using a um one called vivo vivo barefoot they're my favorite ones they're they're really good because i was wearing the five toe ones but i keep jamming my toes into shit i'm running hard i'm tired because i'm fucking exhausted so i'm like i need something that covers all the toes i don't jam one into a rock because i'm just too exhausted can you you walk me through what a regular workout was for you? I'd be curious what everyone's regular workout was. What I would do is if I would run, I would run for an hour.

Just an hour. Just take my dog. Treadmill. Run through the hills. Oh, yeah, run in the hills. Because it's two things. One, he needs exercise. He's young.

He loves to run with me. And two, it's a real. One, he needs exercise. He's young. He loves to run with me. And two, it's a real good form of exercise. It's like, I know it's more beneficial than the elliptical machine. It's gotta be.

It made my ass bigger. It made my legs bigger. Like, they all got bigger. Like, especially, like, I feel like

pants fit different. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah, because I've only been doing this for like two years. You're pushing yourself up. Plus, also, your own nature's gotta be healthy for you, too. For sure. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah, because I've only been doing this for like two years. Pushing yourself up.

Plus, also, your nature has got to be healthy for you, too. For sure. But before that, I was doing just weightlifting stuff for my legs. I would do squats, or I would do cleans and presses and overheads. Do presses with the kettlebells overhead and stuff, which is all great. It's all really good stuff. But it's not sustained motion. There's something about the sustained motion

of running hills that I think boosts your vitality. It gives you more energy. I agree. Because you have to work so... To run a hill is one of the more difficult things to do in exercise. It's just, you've got to fucking just get... You're basically doing like body weight squats with one leg over and over and over again.

God, it sucks when you're going uphill. You've got to 45 degree. It's hard, man. It's hard. But it's so beneficial. When I went to hitting the bags, what I would do is on days I would do that, I would run and then I would get on the elliptical machine. Or I'd run and I'd get on the bike. Or I'd run the echo bike, which is like an airdyne. Oh, fuck.

Beefed up airdyne machine. Those things fuck you up. Or that assault thing, the assault fitness treadmill. Do you like that? I love it. It's fucking hard. It's really assault thing, the assault fitness treadmill. Do you like that? I love it. It's fucking hard. It's really hard. It's not a treadmill.

It's not enjoyable. It's an extra bump harder than running on the road. Oh, harder than running on the road. Oh, much harder than running on the road. You're making yourself work. Why would they make it harder than that? Because it's self-powered and it's really beneficial. You gave up your other treadmill for that one?

It was a mistake. No! No, it was not, Bert. It was the right move. It's really beneficial. You gave up your other treadmill for that one? It was a mistake. No! No, it was not, Bert. It was the right move. It's real running. It's harder than running. I had that in my man cave. That was my go-to at the end of the night,

was get on that thing. And, dude, that was not forgiving. I'm so glad I wore you out, and you couldn't do it real. It's called an air assault fitness trainer. That's the air runner. That's the air runner, yeah. Yeah, that thing is supposed to be at least 30% harder. It's the shit. It's the shit runner. Air runner, yeah. It's supposed to be at least 30% harder.

It's the shit. It's the shit. I love it. I love it. I get on that thing, it's like, whoa. I texted you when I saw you got it, and I was like, you like that? And you're like, I love it. I was like, I'm out. He doesn't hurt your knees. It's not pounding. It's got a good amount of give to it because it's got this tread to it.

And it's just got enough shock so that as you're running, you don't feel like it's a big pounding on your joints but it's all self propelled so you really get a good rhythm going and your fucking legs get tired what's great for it is sprinting on it you can get up and sprint you can and your sprints that really raised your heart rate i think the key also here's a big key you got to be distracted you got to be able to either be distracted by meditating and getting into some sort of a weird breathing zone, or you've got to listen to podcasts, or you've got to listen to music. For me, it was books on tape did the best for when I was out in the wild.

If I was out in the wild, I was listening to books on tape. Thinking about something distracted me from the physical exertion of exercise. But indoors, two things helped. Violent movies and fights. Watching fights. I like watching games. Because they get your heart rate jacked up. When you're watching a fight, you get your heart rate jacked up.

And you're watching guys get hit. And you're fucking on this thing before you know it. You're sweating as puddles. I watched a bunch of football. And especially if like a – Football on the treadmill. And then during timeouts, you could like do whatever. Well, I would do the thing where like you just kind of go and going but i noticed there was like a punt return or a kickoff return when i watched gladiator there was a giant spike whenever there was sword fights yeah and i was

like oh my god that's what i'm doing'm doing. I'm allowing myself to get so caught up in this movie that I'm like fighting I'm like, dude, I'm gonna break this one. I'm gonna break it. I'm gonna break it right now. I was hitting in the red. Dude, I gotta give a shout out to Run the Jewels. Run the Jewels is perfect fucking canyon running. Dude, Run the Jewels

Killer Mike Dude, run them jewels fast. Run them, run the jewels. Killer Mike. Dude. Nice. Run them jewels fast. Run them, run them jewels. That's perfect momentum, dude. I listen to nothing. When I think about this month, I'll think of two things.

I'll thank God it's over. Yeah. And I'll think of run the goddamn jewels, because that's all I listen to running. That's all I listen to. Dude, that's a great running song. And a great running song will give you like 10% more energy oh yeah when it kicks in

to overdrive on some song you're like oh wait it's this one and then you're waiting for the beat to drop and then you oh you just start

going and going I get real like excited I'll sprint for it real angry I feel like I'm gonna fight somebody if I put on a lot

of Public Enemy damn and like just put it on a mix of Public Enemy I'll feel like I'm going well that's good too that's good too you know what got me

through the first week and then I realized I could like that's. I feel like I'm going. Well, that's good, too. That's good, too. You know what got me through the first week? And then I realized I could like. That's why I was like, I'm running with you guys. I was like, oh, I think I'm okay. Watching all your specials. I brought the fucking Netflix thing out there. I watch each of your Netflix specials. For real?

Yeah, it got me through the first whole week. You're running, you're going. You should have worked harder on that punch line. Did you write any jokes? Cheap wayline. Did you write any jokes? Did you write any jokes while you were running? I don't think I did. I didn't write any jokes about the gym. I wrote so many goddamn jokes.

Really? Yeah. Did you really? Oh, fuck, yeah. I smiled at a woman when I was jogging, and I said, the joke was, I only smile to know I'm not having a stroke. I'm not flirting with you, honey.

I'm just trying to not have a stroke. Dude, I went to a dark place. Yeah. Went to a dark place. And you took us with you, okay? I was like, I'm going to win. That was my thought. I was like, whatever you think you can do, let's keep going.

Let's see what happens. That's a weird switch that goes off. Yeah. It's like, let's see who's willing to die weird switch that goes off it's like let's see who's willing to die well oh my god it became the contest

the last week or so was like dangerous dude it got tricky when I started pissing iced tea a lot of people were asking me about it's just dehydration

that's all it is that's not a just dude people would message us by the way Joe's gonna die I'm okay I didn't get rabbed out

but some people were upset like they wanted me almost to get it because I've always ragged on these CrossFit guys to get it by the way. Joe's going to die. I'm okay. I didn't get rabbed out. Some people were upset. They wanted me almost to get it because I've always ragged on these CrossFit guys to get it. I have not ragged on them. What I've said is that I have heard some negative opinions about CrossFits from experts that I trust, like Steve Maxwell. I'm not a fitness expert

by any stretch of the imagination. I don't know whether a CrossFit's bad or good. I bet it's probably based on your application, the way you do it. Because if somebody asked me, is jiu-jitsu good for your body? I'd be like, well, I've had a bunch of surgeries. Everybody I know has had surgeries.

Everybody I know that does jiu-jitsu, he didn't even get his blue belt and he got surgery. Really? But I will say, before we started this podcast, Joe did say those acrosuit people are tree-hugging hippies. I'm a tree-hugging hippie. Who want to get their yoga black belt. I want a yoga black belt.

I'd love a yoga black belt. I'm like a blue belt in yoga. Dude, halfway through the month, I told Tom this the other day, and he laughed. And so I tried it on stage, and it worked. But I stopped producing semen. Just coughing dust? Dude, my dick had the dry heaves. People ask me, it's like, did your sex drive go up?

And I wanted to be like, yeah, but then I was like, no. I had no energy for that. Probably so tired. So tired. Dude, how about those sleeps, though? I was sleeping like a fucking perfect person, like a baby. Most of the time. You know what I noticed?

This is a big one for me. It really might make me change the way I live. Is zero anxiety yes zero negative chatter that's what i found chatter there's just something if there's a realistic view of the world that you get from rigorous exercise and this is my theory i'm not a biologist but i think that there's we have too much of a history as a species of constantly avoiding danger. And I think we live in a place that's far too safe

for our natural instincts. And so we're constantly looking for things to be bad or looking for things to be dangerous or confronting our own mortality and putting it on the back burner and letting all that weirdness manifest itself and all sorts of other fears. Fears about other fears, fears

about the government, fears about economics and fears about this. And I think we're dealing with this as human beings all the time. And I think there's only a certain amount you can do. And I think when you have rigorous exercise, it puts in perspective what that certain amount actually is and what you can control as a person that you can you can just chill your body out and look at this whole thing for what it is it is what it is you know we're going to be fine or we're not and then it won't matter but this this this whole thing that we do when we do this we do this because our body has a need for exercise it has a built-in need it's got

an engine that needs to be pushed and if you you don't push it, it starts fucking with you. It starts fucking with you and asking you weird questions like, who the fuck's that guy think he is? Like it wants to start problems. It wants to get upset at things that don't make any sense to be upset at. It wants conflict. There's a part of you that wants conflict because it thinks that conflict's a part of the programming. It's because it's been our way for millions of years. So whatever the fuck we were then to whatever the fuck we are now there's been conflict along the way

People been trying to eat us things have been trying to kill us and this is the only time ever that there's none of that And I think the only time you could see things with perspective is when you blow out all the biological shit Whether it's jerk off like how many times have you jerked off and then had a totally different opinion of a person about like he jerked off and not called people. Why would I call this person after I just jerked off? No. Now I see what this whole is. This is some weird

biological trick. I'm playing some stupid game. I'm so high. High as fuck. High as fuck. Dude, I love I'll tell you what this one month did for me. It got me back in spin class. I love I'll tell you what This one month Did for me What

It got me back In spin class I love spin class man Powerful gay Bert I fucking love it dude I love it Good for you man Do you like the music

No I like the station What does it just make you Spin as fast as Soul cycle It just You close your eyes And you remember When we talked

I said I had Bob Harper As my spin teacher One time And the thing he said About wanting me To go back And fuck people I grew up with or whatever. Is Bob Parker the Kobe Bryant of spin classes? Yeah, he's from Biggest Loser, Bob Harper.

Oh, okay. And so I got— Did you guys know who he was? No, I have no idea who that was. I was a big Biggest Loser fan. I love that show. I'm on the producing side. But I like the way they talk to you.

It seems fun. I like closing my eyes. I like the first break of sweat. I love what I love. And I have to say, I have to give props to people more than anything. Ari doing that rower redefined the way I had to look at working out. He was an 80%. I know what 80% feels like.

He was there for an hour on a rower it's fuck that was a tough one it's some of them are harder than others to keep it 80% biking was you know you were capable of it seriously did you know no I thought he was capable of it running and stuff that's fine I could sort of do that that but I know quite how much 80 on a rower ari's angry yeah i'm angry ari's an angry person yes even when he's playful that's my that's my zen spot but even when ari's playful angry it's still energy right like that anger like the anger that he gave everybody on that fucking podcast yeah one of my favorite podcasts ever ari's hiking around doing a podcast, talking shit about us.

Trying to stay at 70%. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. But it's energy. See, that kind of anger, that's either in you or it's not. And I knew Ari had it. It's a matter of getting the old engine fired up again. He's not too old.

And I knew he used to play basketball a lot. And he used to do, when you did jujitsu. That was one of my resolutions this year, was to go to the gym like once a week. Like something attainable. And I still hadn't done it until then. Jesus, man. Well, I remember when you did jujitsu, you were very enthusiastic about it. And I remember you were fucking trying hard.

And I remember one time you legitimately swept me. Legitimately swept me. Yes, you did. And I was a brown belt. I was a brown belt. You can get over on people once in a while in jiu-jitsu. Just once in a while, you'll be like, oh, you forgot to lock up. I slept on him.

I'll tell you 100% the truth. This is what happened. We were rolling together, and I was like, okay, dude, let's just do this. I'm not going to hurt you. We'll be cool. And we got into a position. I got on top of him, and I just got a little relaxed and all of a sudden boom Ari hip pops

takes my leg out from under me and he swept me and I'm like you motherfucker like I got a little calm and he exploded I'm like oh okay I see what's up so I knew a part of Ari that you guys didn't know because Ari and I had been engaged by the way that he swept me right back

by the way there's a part of me that really wants to experience like trying to roll with Joe for a second after this contest, knowing what he's capable of just to feel true helplessness. It's a good feeling. It is. This is why it's a good feeling, because if you if you can handle it, then at least you know where you are on this little weird food chain of who can kill who with their bare hands. And then you also know that whatever these people know you can learn too that's not a physical thing like i know guys that are much weaker than me that can fuck me up if we roll together they're gonna tap me 100 of the time my friend denny my friend denny weighs 160 something pounds i've never i mean i tapped him when he was young but he was couldn't now. No, he kills me.

Really? He strangles me. He strangles me. Just what? Superior technique? Just way better than me. Way better, way more focused. Been doing it.

Do you realize what that sounds like to a guy who just competed with you? But here's the thing. I don't have the... Listen, you have to have the time to get serious about something. We had the time to get serious about this for a month. We did have the time to get serious about something. We had the time to get serious about this for a month. We did have the time to get serious about it. Suddenly out of the blue. By the way, Tom suggested it like four or five days before it started.

That's true. Yeah, this was not a planned out thing at all. I've been wearing that thing for perspective, though. I started January with it. And like an average month has been probably 2,300 points or something. How much did you get this one? 93? 95 something.

Talk about the percentages of how we finished in the – because you hitting them up, that blew me away. Well, they said there's a million registered users, first of all. And we're at 0.1%. Okay, but hold on. Most of those didn't even have it on. I don't know about that. Yeah, for sure. We're going into what November is now, and we're not really.

No, I'm not saying everybody was actively all using it. But there's still, like, plenty of people. You mean the people that are a million users? Yeah. Yeah. Well, whoever is using it. Well, I don't know what the database, how it's, it's a good point, Ari. That's a fair point.

Because, like, we really don't know what percentage of those people actually keep it, right? Yeah, other people trying. Right. We know that Killer was a D1 athlete, though. Yeah, your fucking gym has a lot of people trying. Okay, yeah, that's the thing we can actually point at against people who are trying. If we had to guess, if we had to agree on a number,

would you guys say that, like, half the people would use it regularly, or no? If there's a million people, would you really think it would be half? Even if it's a quarter, we're still talking about 0.5. We'd be 0.5 percentile, whatever, 99.5 percentile. Yeah, it wouldn't go up much. It wouldn't go up much even under a smaller variable. But I think that what those other people are at the top are probably fitness instructors.

Killer was. That's what MySpace was. MySpace. That was MyZone. That's what MyZone's told me. Oh, that was my other cheat plan? Go to the gym with $15 and say, please wear this. I'll give you $15.

I'm not joking. I was going to hang out there. Is 15 the sweet spot? I just figured it wasn't too much, but I would have to do it a lot. Fuck this. I'll tell you. Let me, I'll like, I'll walk you through my plan the whole month. What was your plan?

Do not get hurt. That was number one. That's a good plan. I was like, don't get hurt. Cause if I get hurt, get shin splints or get heel spurs. I'murs. I wonder I think I was so excited at the prospect of you being out anytime Someone's like I think you hurt your ankle or something when I hurt my ankle Legit excited but but cautious and I know this is not real me so you saw me slip I saw you walk I was totally fine

I was totally fine I was totally fine You were fine I was fine I knew it But no but I got I swear to God I'll call my fucking wife

Right now Oh she'll lie for you She better She better Yeah My friend Molly Saw you in fucking spin That day

He texted me He texted me Oh my foot was fucking Spalding shit Oh fuck that Spin The one exercise You don't need your legs for

Were you worried about me When I was sick Oh I knew I knew you were giving me The old legs for. Were you worried about me when I was sick? Oh, I knew you were giving me the old Doc Holliday. That too. Fuck off. Old Doc Holliday. I was sick. Hey, Wyatt, I can't make this up.

I'm dying, Wyatt. Guys, he told me he was sick, and he took photos of his medication and sent it to me. You think I made that up? No, I think you took half a day off. You went one half day, and then you were right back to full speed. No. Thank you, Ari. Thank you, Ari.

That's not true. One half day, one full day, one crazy day. I had a day where I was like, look were right back to full speed. No. Thank you, Ari. Thank you, Ari. That's not true. One half day, one full day, one crazy day. I had a day where I was like, look, I got to get something. And by something, I was thinking 150 or something. And that was the beginning or the second worst day. And I put it on. I was like, I'll just get that. And I walked down the street, and I was like, I felt so sick.

I got 40. That's like a none. Okay, right. I got 40. That's like a none. Okay, right. Yeah, true. The next day, I was able to get like, I think 100 and something. And that was split up in two also. And so then I was like, I'm pretty fucked right now. Yeah, and that, by the way, right at that point, I was like, okay, Bert, we're not coming last.

So that's great. So let's just be casual between the two of us. Tom's done. That's great. That's awesome. I took a deep breath. I was like, that felt nice. You know, I got to tell you something.

This is like something that we should all point out for health. Like I've been over the last couple of years, I've been eating a lot of kimchi, a lot of fermented cabbage, and a lot of kombucha. Real farts. Yeah. Real farts. Brutal farts. But here's the thing. All that healthy, like probiotic stuff, that has a big impact on your immune system.

I mean, really big. I haven't gotten sick in a long time. The kombuchas are always like these, and I start drinking them, too. They're always good. Dude, they're the shit. The GTs. GTs are the shit. They're so good.

They taste good. They're healthy for you. I had a Whole Foods guy tell me, like, hey, just so you know, I saw you drink this, and the thing, it's fine. It's got alcohol, so you can't drink that in the store. And I was like, listen, I'm going to do it every single time, so you can just try to catch me if you want.

But thank you for the warning. You did your job. Well, that's less than half a percent of, right? Isn't that what it is? Yes. What is the number that they have to, it's more than.

Hold on, hold on. My daughter's drinking kombucha in the morning. That's fine. But, Doug, it's less than half a percent. So they're not getting buzzed. No, it's some preposterous amount of alcohol. I would like to see how many of those you had to drink to get drunk. This is the whole history of it.

They used to sell them in the store, and then apparently what was going on was it's a strong brew. And they would sit there fermenting, and then when they would test them after they had fermented for a while, the alcohol content would get over one half of one percent which is like somewhere around where they need to draw the line like if you get a non-alcoholic beer it's got a wee touch of the booze in it oh really just a tiny tiny touch of the booze fuck off idiot stupid fucking idiot no it doesn't make you it's still super No, it doesn't make you, it's still super sober. I mean, if you,

look, you know, if you're, when we're running, we're getting high as fuck. Okay. There's a, there's an endorphin aspect to this.

I, that's one of the things that I was saying to everybody is that when this was over, when the whole thing was over, if somebody made a pill that made me feel how I feel when I have those hard workout days I take that pill every day oh that's what I was

going to tell you earlier I don't give a fuck pill that I felt so much relief but I felt like it was totally tied to days where I

really worked hard like one of the but if it was like a medium workout I still felt good you and I went back and forth about that yeah

I still felt good but on the days where it was like three medium workout, I still felt good. You and I went back and forth about that. Yeah. I still felt good. But on the days where it was like three plus hours of working out and I was totally like spent, then I felt the most calm. I mean, I know a part of that's physically just tired, but I had zero stress. Let me ask you a question. Do you guys think any of that's tied to like while you're doing it, you got to be off all your technology for a while? I know you're big on that.

Do you think that's possible? No. I thought about that thought about that no it's a factor yeah it's definitely a factor i also when you start talking about it i tried to start doing things like in the morning waiting for waiting to look at it no at like open the phone so like just do no and i even work out i mean like just do life things wake up have coffee yeah and just not look at it so i had a kid fucking i had to think about it. It's hard, right? Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's hard.

Yeah, I wonder how much of that too, because I felt sort of clear too, but same way I do with skiing, where it's like you got to take your mind off everything in a way. Exactly, Ari. Skiing is a perfect example. When you're skiing, you can't look at your phone. You're going down a fucking mountain,

and you're just enjoying that, and that's part of what it is. Burkhead, Burkhead. They've got a great app that tells you how fast. They really have a fucking mountain. Yeah, and you're just enjoying that and that's part of what it is There's an app that tells you how fast you get going and dude I got up to 40 miles per hour on a fucking snowboard and doesn't mean anything when I get down to the bottom I'm like real quick. What's my speed like? Oh, I definitely I'm always worried about people wiping out and front of me or wiping out onto me. But you film your kids skiing a little bit. Yeah, but I got taken out by one dude on a mountain once.

He just cut in front of me way too quick. He was like... Yeah, you're out of control. You're skiing. Half the time, I'm like, you should go away if you're not good. Watch out. Yeah, I know. And you realize you're testing your health out with all these other people

and most of the time people are doing their best. Most of the time. Someone comes flying out of the trees over you. And there's no drug test when you get on that fucking ski lift.

They don't test you for shit. Do you smoke weed when you ski? No. What? What? Shut up. You're crazy.

You're doing it wrong. You're out of your mind. Stupid. No, no, no. Of course you should. Every time I ski, I ski. Joe! Headsets, weed, come on. Of course you should. Every time I ski, I ski with you. Joe!

No, every time I ski. Headsets, weed, come on, it's the best. I would be with you guys, but I ski with my kids. Yeah, it's time, Joe. It's time. It's time.

They're almost adults now. I wish I could explain. I have to keep an eye on those little fuckers. The weed will take care of it for you. I get what Joe's saying. When you ski with your kid.

There are people out there that don't know what the fuck they Joe is saying when you ski with your kid you do that? when I ski with my kids I don't smoke weed but at the end of the day when it's me and Leanne we go to Park City every year Park City is awesome it's the best

and at the end of the day me and Leanne I'll take a rip and then we'll go down one and that's when I fucking throw in headsets a little Jane's Addiction I'm coming down the mountain

on my toes flying into a fucking corner at 40 miles an hour. Just going, just thinking in my head, this could all really go bad right now. That feeling is fucking amazing. That's what I do. I go, don't fall down. Don't fall down. Don't get hurt.

Don't fall down. Don't get hurt. Ooh, we didn't get hurt. Joe, come ski with us. We'll fucking ski. You gotta come ski with us. Come ski with us, Joe. Let's barely have any control of our bodies

as we storm down the mountain. What a great idea. Slide, barely in control. Slide, barely in control. Pizza, pizza, sideways. We gotta take it to the woods, bro. Pizza, pizza, slide, yes! No control, head over heels.

Whoa! Tuck and roll. Shoulders first. You've always been fine. I'll tell you what I want us to do right now. I'll tell you what I want us to do as a group right now, and Joe's the only one that can get this to happen. What? I want us to go to Kelly Slater's Wave Pool. That looks dope. Dude, a foursome, it's the

safest place to learn how to surf, and it's just like a two-hour drive. Hey, does anybody here know how to surf? No? Yeah. I took two lessons in Indonesia and mastered and retired, but I can come out of retirement for this. Perfect. So you've had slightly more experience, which is almost none. That would be a good next year.

What? Learn to surf? Time on a board. Time on a board? Time on a board over the whole month. Fuck. I'm in. I'm in.

I'm in. We'll get Kelly Slater to design some sort of board. We have to wear some sort of heart rate monitor. Ridic in. I'm in. We'll get Kelly Slater to design some sort of board that can't talk to me. We have to wear some sort of heart rate monitor. You're ridiculous. It's not a board. Shut up. It's just how much time on a board you can stand up over the course of a month.

Stand up. One of those artificial wave machines. Shit. I guarantee you give Kelly Slater time right now to develop the board that has feet pads that measures your feet on a fucking board. What do you mean measures your feet? So when you're standing up. So it's time on a board standing up.

Since none of us know how to surf. Fuck. Time on a board standing up one of those artificial wave machines next year. God, I hate this so much. I love this. I love this already. So you just have to enlist in a place. You have to give up your life and enlist in a place.

Like dormitories. Go to fucking Hawaii with Shane Dor life and enlist in a place. Like, yeah. Move to fucking Hawaii with Shane Dorian and wear those fucking suits. Shane was just here. He was on the podcast right before you guys. Are you fucking kidding me? No, he was here. He was using the big wave surfer. Shane Dorian almost died at Mavericks.

He got held under for two waves. And I guess under there, he decided to create these suits where they have CO2 cartridges. It literally changed big wave surfing. It saved so many fucking lives. He was just fucking here. He asked about you. Shut up. He did. He always does. I swear I met him right before you. He's my bow hunting buddy.

Yeah, he lives in... He lives in the Big Island in Hawaii. God damn it, James. He and I go hunting every year. We do the spring axis deer hunt on the island of Lanai. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That sounds so fucking cool. Dude, it's the coolest shit ever. Wait, what got you into hanging out with, because the Kelly Slater podcast was fucking amazing. Yeah, he's so interesting. Dude, you and him are like brothers. My favorite thing he said in that podcast was when he goes, you go, what do you do for fitness? He goes, I don't push myself. Yeah, not smart.

That's an Ari thing. Well, here's the thing. What we did was not healthy. No. This is what I wanted to talk about. And not sustainable. Yeah, no chance. I'm going to keep it up.

No bullshit. No, not sustainable. That's crazy. No. I'm going to keep up. Spin class and try to do, on evenings, try to do a six-mile jog. That's a good thought. The 31st. can we keep up?

The 31st? I talked to everybody. But that last workout, I couldn't have gone that much further. It's like, oh, my God. No, in all honesty, after my piss came out a weird color, I really did have phantom pains in my kidneys. I really was like, maybe that wasn't just dehydration. Maybe there was something more. Maybe there was something going on.

I really did have some weird phantom idea that there was a pain. But physically, I felt pretty good, man. Yeah. Because the whole thing was a lot of that rhabdo. And here's the thing about it. It's called rhabdomyelosis. Is that how you say it? Did I say it right

rhabdo um has actually been the source of death for a few fighters where um guys got really beat up in a crazy really difficult fight and the thing that did them in was they were probably over trained and they probably did too much in the gym didn't give themselves enough time to recover, and then had a really brutal fight. Oh, right. So when you're young in particular, you're a little too wild,

and you don't recognize that there's this point of diminishing returns when it comes to training. Oh, yeah. Well, see, we pushed into some weird place, man. But we did get through that a few times, though. But here's the thing. We should have, like, oh, it was too much, we gotta give up.

And we kept going, and then it became okay again. Right, but here's why I think it worked for us. It wouldn't work for a fighter. No one's kicking our ass. See, the thing about when you're a fighter is if someone's kicking your ass, you might push even past where we pushed in terms of, like, output in any

particular hour or any particular half hour, 40 minute session, you might go too far. Whereas we would just keep going at 80%. Sometimes you get forced into 90% for long periods of time. Especially if someone's better than you or especially if you're tired from training. So a lot of these guys are

going into the fight. Especially in younger guys who don't have maybe the most scientific coaches. They're going into the fight severely taxed out. Like November 1st, they're going into it like that. Oh, yeah. They're going into it like that. Not only are they going into a fight like that, but they're going through a whole six, eight-week camp like that.

They might be broken down real early on, just pushing themselves through the whole thing. And then they have, at the end of it, their body's failing. They haven't given themselves enough time to recover and that's what this rhabdo shit is your muscles and it has something to do with proteins that your muscles pull up the actual because I'm given a really stupid definition of what rhabdo myelosis is am I pretty close what is it break down a muscle tissue releasing a damaged protein into the blood. That's it.

And it's very dangerous. It's very dangerous, yeah. Apparently it causes kidney shutdown. That was crazy that, like, November 2nd, my muscles all felt sore for the first time all month. Mine felt sore right away, and then not again for a while. Not again. I just was, I would just get back into them. The thing in spin classes, like when you get out of the saddle and sprint, is I just got

to a place where my legs were always fucking wasted. Yeah. And I was like, I want to get, I want to try this again when my legs just aren't wasted. They were always wasted. I could now, at the end of this, like run to the gym and back. I'd have to stop like three times in the way. You know, run for like two minutes and like real running. And then it was like, no, I can just do it.

Dude, I felt like such an improvement oh right huge through the month yeah dude i could run i ran 12 miles on the like fifth to last day while you were on antibiotics and you were just going fine i gotta say ari i broke me down dude i always knew that you had a strong mind i always knew you had a strong mind. I always knew you had a strong mind. You're an angry man with a strong mind. But I didn't appreciate it as much as I appreciated this month. For you to do it is the most impressive out of all of us. Because you didn't do shit other than the occasional hike or fuck around and play basketball for like 10 years.

Yeah, but also, I eat well. You guys eat like garbage. No, no, no. I'm far smarter than any of you. No, Joe's beans are not you. I'm not talking to you. What do you weigh? You're talking to those two?

Yes. A normal is like 75 to 80. I should be around 175. That's about what you weigh. Yeah, and I should weigh 75 to 80. Yeah. And then I got up to like 83, 87 last year after the cruise. Oh, really?

Yeah, we weigh like significantly more. Yeah, more. And it's like, I'm not doing, you guys are actually working out. You can eat fucking normal, idiots. Oh, yeah. No, no. I actually, towards the end of it. I don't eat that good.

Towards the end, I started, I'd hear, you know, maybe I'm the person who probably listens to this podcast the most, but you hear people talk about health and how they eat. And in that challenge, the very last week I started going, looking at food a tad bit differently, going like, I don't want to feel like shit. I don't want pizza. I didn't want carbs. I wanted protein because I get done a workout and i go let's do four eggs and some and a steak like i ordered a bunch of buffalo steaks and i was like which it's so crazy is i

never i was like water yeah i need water yeah i never looked at food how crazy did you get like with eating when it was like really on the fucking plane you know when they walked by with a little basket i was like oh i'll take all this shit. I'm like, fucking popcorn. Because when you're doing the two workouts a day, the two a days, which I had a bunch of, you could net. Yeah, you were hungry. When I did that whole five and a half hours on the elliptical, I ate a box of animal crackers and I drank cream soda. While you were doing it? While I was doing it.

Cream soda. I was in the, it was crazy. It was like I was possessed. I was in the craziest state was crazy. It was like I was possessed. I was in the craziest state of mind. A cream soda. I'm like, I am going to keep this going. Like, now I'm going, now it's just numbers to me. Now it's like, when do you get off?

Do you get off at 400? No. 500? No. 600? No. And the pushing. Yeah.

800? No. And then shit started to feel like it was failing. Yeah. Your body? Yeah, no, no, no. Some misfires started to feel like it was failing. Yeah. Your body? Yeah, no, no, no. Some misfires. I had some misfires.

I had some, like, my body was like, ugh. Like, settle down, bitch. It's like, we better get off this thing soon. I was like, okay, let's just keep going for a little bit. So, like, things started to feel weaker. Like, my ankles started feeling weaker. Just started yelling racial slurs in the middle of us. My toes started feeling numb.

My toes went numb at one point. Yeah. Did you nap? No. I would nap. Napping was the best. I'd nap. Feet on the floor nap where you just sit in your bed for a second and almost be like,

what? I've been... I'd just go out like a light at the end of the night. Yeah. Could not stay up for a movie. How many hours were you sleeping a night? Like a dead man. Seven hours. Dead man. Dead? Yeah. Dead. of the night yeah so how many hours were you sleeping a night like a dead man seven hours

dead man dead yeah dead how long after we started did you start having the marijuana dreams you guys did you guys get them no you know what man um i i knew it was coming so i tapered off so i tapered off all through september and also i was on a lot of hunting trips yeah you know the elk hunting trip in utah was seven days i didn't you don't smoke on those no do you get the dreams on those yeah a little bit a little bit but you you know i decided early on with all that stuff that i wasn't i just wanted to experience it as a as a like a natural human and i didn't want to ever be drunk and i didn't really want to be high i didn't really yeah i don't want to

take beta blockers so i don't get nervous i try to experience it as a yeah as just experience what it is i saw adam green tree like kill some elk and wherever the fuck he is these days and a bear claimed it did you see that yeah he shot a moose jesus christ a bear just went on his mind. His mind. I pissed on it and I dug it out. A moose in the Yukon and a grizzly bear claimed it and covered it with dirt. Right away? The entire moose. No, he shot it. They took part of it.

See, a moose is probably like 1,800 pounds. They're so big. A big elk, like a Rocky Mountain elk is like 800 pounds. That's a big one. A moose is 1,000 pounds bigger than that when it's fully mature. So that's what Adam shot. He shot a gigantic moose. So they could only carry so much of it out.

Like it's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pounds of meat. 1,800 pounds moose might be 700, 800 pounds of it is meat. Fuck. So you have to take it out in loads. So if you have two guys, right, you're taking out several loads. So they took out one pack out, and then they came back, and a giant grizzly bear had claimed it and covered it up. And the grizzly bear was still in the area?

Oh, yeah, he covered up the moose. Dude, Adam Greentree is one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram. But I know that no one likes when there's a lot of little bleeps in a story. But when I go on Adam Greentree and's a lot of little bleeps in a story. But when I go on Adam Greentree and he's got a hundred little dots, I go, oh, this is going to be a good one. Yeah, it's adam.greentree on Instagram. And he's a bow hunter from Australia.

And Australia is an interesting place because one of the reasons why, I mean, he's just a real smart guy. He's the real deal. A real deal in every way. And I'll pimp him out. He says a person. Dude, you should see the A real deal in every way. And I'll pimp him out. He says a person. Dude, you should see the floor he has in his

hunting cabin. He took... Dude, this guy is like across the board every part of a man you want to be. His floor in his hunting cabin is fucking amazing. And he did it himself by hand. Let's just establish per capita Australians are more manly. Oh, yeah. They're crazy. The Americans? Australians are crazy.

They drink so hard. If you had to see what's the numbers, yeah. They're crazy. For sure. The Chileans are crazy. They drink so hard. Like, if you had to, like, see what's the numbers, there's the moose. This is a moose. They're just a manlier breed of people. And also, you have to realize that Australia was a goddamn prison colony. So these are the ancestors of scoundrels. They all got big thumbs. Yeah, they're big humans.

And so this is a big-ass moose that he shot in the Yukon, and a grizzly bear claimed it. And so they went back to it, and the grizzly bear had run off because he saw them coming, I guess. And so they just stole what they could and got the fuck out of there before they panicked. Before it came back and tried to defend it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they unburied it. They dug out. They did dig stuff out of there?

They dug stuff out, but they were scared while they were doing it, and they got out of there. This is the second of my friends. That fucking beat so fast. This is the second of my... No, no, no. This is the third of my friends that has had grizzly bear encounters over the last three or four years. Could they shoot it if it came at them?

Who was the one that it was on... I saw it on Instagram. It's one of your buddies who got charged by the grizzly bear. That was Adam. That was Adam Greenstreet. Was that Adam? Thely bear. That was Adam. That was Adam Green. Was that Adam? The same guy. Yeah. Was it that documentary? Grizzly Man. Oh my god.

It's the craziest documentary ever. You know what that documentary is? That documentary is It should be called A Gay Guy That Doesn't Have Really Good Friends Who Gets Eaten By Bears. Dude. That poor guy. I wanted to give him a hug. That guy.

Foxy the Fox. His girlfriend got eaten too? Fuck yeah, she got eaten. Why did she leave? And there's audio and they didn't share the audio. Why would they share the audio? I fucking that ass. Tommy, Tommy, watch this. This is my friend Adam with a pistol out while Grizzly Bear's charging him.

Watch this. What? Turn it up. His voice makes it sound better. Whoa. That's a grizzly bear and he's got a gun pointed at her. And she's got her cubs.

And she might charge him. The scariest ones are the females with cubs. That's in real life too and what about the pistol yeah he's got a pistol out and here's the thing the pistol it was the wrong size bullets so it wouldn't have racked normally so see how it is right now it looks like he's discharged all his ammo like his guns out because it's jammed so he doesn't even know it's jammed so he's standing out there pointing a gun

that the only way he could get a bullet in it is if he opened up the barrel himself, stuck the bullet in, and then closed it so he'd have one shot, no matter what. So the whole magazine wouldn't fit. It was off. The differences in the size of the ammunition was off. He didn't see it? Nope, he didn't

notice. Because he doesn't use guns. He's a bow hunter. He got a gun just to protect himself from that thing. Those kind of things. I cannot believe how excited I just got right then. He goes, he talked to him about it. He goes, mate, he goes, monsters are real. He goes, when that thing was charging me, I mean, I believe, did he talk about it on

the podcast? He had to. That's where I had never seen it. But when he talked about the way it was charging him, where the hair was popping up on it, and he could see it, I mean, it stopped. It false charged him. So it charged him and stopped within like, you know, five yards of him. Wow.

And it's a giant female grizzly bear that would just tear you apart. What are they trying to get you to do? Leave? Trying to get you to leave. They just leave. They want you to dance, Ari. Well, because he's trying to get you to do? Leave? Trying to get you to leave. They just leave. They want you to dance, Ari. Well, because he's trying to leave, but it doesn't trust him.

It doesn't know him. So it's closing in on him and looking at him and deciding maybe whether or not he's a threat and moving in on him. So he can't get away from it. So he was stuck in this position where he couldn't get away from it. It had decided that he was a problem.

Fuck that. So he was trying to get away and he was moving in a different direction. It was cutting him off. And he was like, oh shit. And then he's got his pistol out. It's like, get the fuck away. Terrifying. I think it's terrifying. Dude, I had the Appalachian Trail when I was in college. And not the whole thing, but just

a portion. And man, that fucking, I had no idea about grizzlies. Good on you for not pissing in the room, Ari. You're a good man. That grizzly thing is fucking scary, man. Yeah, yeah. Dude, they're so scary. I've never seen one in the wild except once in Alberta.

I've never seen like a big one. The one I saw in Alberta was only like six feet. It wasn't a big one. But it was enough to look in its eyes and go, whoa, that is a different thing. Because a black bear doesn't look at you like that, man. Black bears, if you run into a black bear in the woods, they look at you like, what are you? So wait, are grizzlies not on the East Coast?

So that's black bear, right? Well, what it is is there's brown bears, and then those are the ones that live on the coast, and then everything that's interior is called a grizzly bear. That's how it gets the name? Yes, it's the same animal. What do you mean that's how it gets the name? Yes. It's the same animal. What do you mean that's how it gets the name? Yeah.

They're all brown bears. But isn't like a straight up brown bear always usually bigger than a grizzly? Because they have more access to protein. That's the thought. The thought is that the Kodiak brown bears, the enormous ones, which are the biggest ones on earth. Nine feet tall? No, way bigger. Eleven.

Eleven feet. Yeah. My other friend who got attacked by a grizzly, Steve Rinella, and he has a podcast about it on a podcast called Meteor. That's his podcast. And it's all about a Fognac Island. It's a two-part podcast. It's fucking amazing.

They shot an elk. And then the same thing. They hung some of it up, and they came back to get it after they packed some of it out. And when they came back, a grizzly bear claimed it and they didn't know it. So they were trying to pack out that food

or the rest of the meat and when they did, a bear charged them and ran through their camp. And they said it was 11 feet tall. Who was he with? He was with my friend Giannis Putellis, my friend Remy Warren. Remy Warren.

I heard Remy Warren talk about it. My other friend Dirtmuth, and maybe one other guy. I know all these hunters, and I've never hunted in my life. I think there was like cameramen. There was a bunch of people, and this enormous 11-foot bear ran through the camp. And they said it was the biggest fucking thing. It was so different than anything they could have expected. They said it moved so fast.

Its teeth were so close to them. They said, like, Ronella, when he describes it, Ronella's a brilliant guy, but he's also a very well-read guy. He's very eloquent. He has a degree in journalism. He's, like, he's super fucking smart. So when he describes this interaction between them and an 11 foot coastal brown bear,

which are like the biggest bears on earth. Next to the grizzly, they're like the polar bears bigger, but they're like the coastal brown bears

of Kodiak, Alaska, that area, they're as big as they get. They're so big. Aren't those polar bears just the fucking most violent? Oh, the scariest?

Yeah. Everybody wants to save them because of Klondike bars and fucking Coca-Cola. So huge. They're the most terrifying animals ever. When they can sniff out through ice, that there's seals under the ice, and you'll just see the wildlife footage, and they'll just sniff ice, and then they put their paws together, and they start dropping all their body weight down to crack the ice.

And then they'll jump in and just pull out a seal. It's fucking nuts. Do you think we could tap into that part of our brains? Like, there's a part of a human there. Polar bear jeans? Bitch, you don't have any polar bear jeans. You don't have any polar bear jeans. There's a reason why you have an iPhone, and you live in a fucking nice house, and you got a a TV and a nice car, that's because you don't have no polar bear jeans.

There's somebody out there with polar bear jeans, though, for sure. Probably somebody got fucked by a bear. I got fucked by a bear. That's right. You definitely did. I did get fucked by a bear. You know what's crazy about this month? Now I'm fucking pretty fucked up.

Yeah. What's crazy about this month is uh inspirational people on instagram like to listen to them yeah and to really draw inspiration i got i've dude one more hunter last name i'll say cam haynes fucking shit man when you go and put in one of those days and realize he's running a marathon every day marathon a day a marathon a day okay really but let me just in his defense he would never he would step in and probably say right now every day. A marathon a day. A marathon a day? On his lunch break? In his defense, he would step in and probably say right now

that's not sustainable for the whole year. But what he does is when he's ramping up for a big 200 plus mile race, he does a marathon a day. Can I say something on the opposite side then? Do you know the story of Marathon? Yes. Where the guy went to tell them of the victory in Marathon? And he died.

He died. He did the Marathon, then died. That's who we do it after. But that guy was a pussy. Cam Haynes is not. I mean, that's a no-training Marathon. That's all. That's the message. It's sandals.

The message is not that you should do Marathons. The message is the best way to kill pussies is make them run Marathons. I've read Cam's comments before. And I like that he's sincere, and I get it, but he has to pretend to be impressed when people tell him, like, I ran two miles today. I do, but he believes you. No, I believe it. I know he's sincere. Let me tell you something about him.

I'm just saying that I'm like, dude, when he'll reply to mine and go, hey, brother, great job. Keep hammering it. And I'm like, you know he thinks six miles is bullshit, hey, brother, great job. Keep hammering it. And I'm like, you know he thinks six miles is bullshit. Dude, but I asked him. I asked him point blank. I asked him point blank. I'm like, hey, what do you think of Bert running the marathon?

He goes, dude, that's impressive. That was impressive. I'm not calling him. You're being cynical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're being cynical about a dude who wears cowboy boots most of the days. Don't be cynical. Cam Haines is straight up.

I think he's being totally legit. I'm not calling him cynical I'm cynical and I'm saying that I read those comments and I laugh because he's like good job

to the person that like I ran I ran 100 yards today he's a good guy 240 miles I know do you think he really looks at me

running a marathon and goes that's impressive of course he does he said it it's for real impressive. I'm trying to tell you, he's one of my best friends. The guy's the nicest guy in the world and

he started out not being able to run for shit. He started out doing a mile and fucking dying and going, how the hell could anybody ever run a marathon? And then he just kept doing it. And then he got to this point where he could run ultra marathons. He runs 100 miles. Do you know why he would definitely think

it's impressive that you ran a marathon? I don't know. I want to hear your answer. He knows running so well, and he's run so many, he knows what somebody who can run a marathon looks like. And then when he saw you, he was like, that's fucking impossible.

It's like if your daughter goes, I went on stage, and you go, how long did you do? And she goes, an hour. You'd be like, wait, what? You've done an hour on stage? Right. That's impressive. That's crazy.

That's really impressive. Well, if you know someone, they've been doing comedy for a year, and they tell you they just did an hour. You're like, wow, that's impressive. But if you just got back from Memphis, I go, how much time you do? You go, I did an hour. I go, wow, that's impressive. Yeah, I'd be like, fuck out of here impressive. You're like, fuck you, man.

You're doing that all the time. What do you mean it's impressive? What? But it is impressive if someone who's like maybe one of your opening acts does an hour, 15 minutes in Cleveland somewhere. You're like, whoa. For sure. How was it?

You're like, dude, I killed. It was awesome. Like, wow, that's impressive. Did a whole hour. Yeah. It's very impressive. But if you tell me that you did that, I'd be like, yeah, that's what you do, bitch. Describe more of it.

Impressive. That's what you do. Yours, by the way, you're such an asshole. If somebody said, I did an hour, and you're like, wow, look at you. Like, that's good. You're really a dick for saying that. But you act like you're positive about it. Yeah, yeah.

But I'm really impressed. But if someone's doing comedy for a year? Of course. Of course. Say if you had a friend. And Big J was like, I did an hour in Madison. They're like, wow, wait, hold on. Stop right there, dude.

That's so cool of you. Are you saying an hour of human time? Do you stop and do an hour? Does any headliner not do an hour anymore? Because I know. A lot do. A lot do less? A lot do 45.

Really? Dude, when I first started out, 45 was the number. It was 45... Those are full of time comics. Yeah. 45, 30, and 15. 15, 30, 45, yeah. Yeah, which is an hour and a half show, which is most people, what they think their attention

span is. Which is like, honestly, it's kind of accurate. I mean, I think 45, we're just, it's too short. Two hours is pushing it for people's attention span is. Which is like, honestly, it's kind of accurate. I mean, I think 45, like, we're just, you know, it's too short. Two hours is pushing it for people's attention span. So, like, I think a 90-minute show is great. I've done two hours on stage. I think an hour 15 show is right. Well, I think a 90-minute show, I'm saying,

like, with everything. Yeah. Two-person show. I used to make the mistake of doing long sets where I did a lot of stand-up, and it was rocking and rolling for a while, and then I'd do Q&As with people, and it would go on too long. Too long.

It would go on too long. I don't agree. I don't agree because I know for a fact that it's not right for me, but for you, a Q&A would be interesting. Yeah, it wouldn't be interesting. It would be more interesting if people didn't see an hour and a half of comedy first.

See, that's the problem. The problem is not whether or not it's good stuff. The problem is how much good stuff do you want all day long? Nobody wants their dick sucked eight hours a day. Like, stop. I got to do things. Yeah, but counterpoint, if you did an hour and 20 of really solid comedy and then was like, all right, now we're going to do Q&A for a while.

It's going to be different. But meanwhile, you guys, bar you taking for a show, it's like a whole festival now. We did the stand-up. Now let's have some fun times. I think, dude, I'll tell you this. I think the closer that you are to 60, if it's polished and good, that's the best show you can do. I agree.

Yes. But hang on. But none of us are – I'm not doing that right now. I won't say – I won't speak for everyone. But I'm not doing that right now in that I'm working won't speak for everyone but I'm not doing that right now in that I'm working on my 60 so in order to work on my 60 I have to do an hour and a half

for sure that's different because you're figuring it out but that's most of what we tour is not yeah finished

it's not finished it's the working progress the idea is not that 60 is the number that you shouldn't pass the idea is that like when you think about it as a thing

where people want to see, well, you've got it locked down perfectly from start to finish. You really want an hour and a half, and you want your opening act to do at least 20, 25 minutes. I go 15. There's nothing wrong with that. I do 15, and then I take the rest of the time. I do two-man show. There's nothing

wrong with that, but I like to bring headliners with me. I bring anybody. Any of you guys are welcome. I bring Tony Hinchcliffe all the time, Ian Edwards. Those to bring headliners with me. I bring anybody. Any of you guys are welcome. I bring Tony Hinchcliffe all the time, Ian Edwards. Those guys are headliners. Dude, Ian Edwards is the funniest motherfucker doing. He's a monster. I would say he's the most underrepresented comedy guy.

Because he should be a household fucking name. I've been saying that forever, man. I started out with Ian. Tony as well. Tony as well. I didn't mean to shit on. I didn't mean to skip over Tony. I've known saying that forever, man. Tony as well. I didn't mean to shit on I didn't mean to skip over Tony. I've known Ian since

1990. I met Ian in 2002, 2003. We did a Pauly Shore thing in Miami. Rogan was like, who are you doing with? I was like, Ian Edwards. Oh yeah, I know him. I was like, wait, from what? When? He's like 84 years old. We started out together. Here's the thing about Ian. He's a brilliant writer.

He's a funny comic writer. He gets writing gigs on sitcoms and all these other different shows and one of the things about writing gigs is first of all it's very convenient you don't have to go anywhere you stay in town and you you get paid a nice amount of money you make good money it's hard to pass up on but the problem is you're not out there building your name in different cities and building up markets and you're not putting out a lot of comedy specials you only have like one cd on team coco records it's called 100 half-assed it's fucking hilarious but really you got to see him live like his timing is fucking genius i've known that guy forever he's the nicest fucking person you're ever going to meet too he's so funny he has jokes that are in

like burned into my memory that shark joke is great he's got so many haircut so fucking talented as a person he couldn't be a better person he couldn't be a better person that guy never has a problem you know what I like about him is most of the person when you're riffing jokes around a crowd

and they rely on someone getting offended sometimes when you say something horrible. But since it's all comics, everyone's like, and no one gets offended, but Ian is like, oh, dude, that is out there. Hell yes, I need that, thank you. Yeah, he'll let you know.

He and I did a lot of gigs together. We did a lot of gigs together this year. Yeah, I did all my gigs getting ready for my last Netflix special. We did a lot of gigs together this year. Yeah, he's got a Comedy Central special going on. Yeah, I did all my gigs getting ready for my last Netflix special. We're all with Ian or with Tony. That's cool. And a couple with Santino.

He's great. Santino's great. Santino's a motherfucker, son. Dude, I bought his shoes. He's a motherfucker. I like the set so much, I bought the shoes he was wearing. Dude, these guys are coming up, man. Tony Hinchcliffe was murdering it, too. Dude, Kill Tony is legit a sellout show.

It's a legit show. I remember doing it when he put 15 people in the room, him and Red Band. Dude, they are selling out everywhere they fucking go. And it's a brilliant idea. First of all, Tony is so good at roasting. He's so good at that kind of shit. That kind of situation where someone bombs and does one minute, he's a little murderer. Dude, he makes me blush sitting next to him.

I'm like, God. Dude, how many times have you sat next to him and he lights someone up and you hit him and you go, I'm three steps behind you? Oh, yeah, man. And then also, oh, you already said that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel it down my back when he starts fucking lighting. I'm like, shit.

He's good at it, dude. The format is so genius. It's so perfect. So easy. They do one minute. At the end of the minute, Red Band gives him a meow. Like, time's up, bitch. Fucking Red Band.

Red Band's good at that. Fuck, the whole combination's great. Jeremiah Watkins. Jeremiah is such a good improviser. Dude, Jeremiah is a fucking multi-haffinit. Fassinit. Whatever the fuck he is. That one.

Jeremiah is a fuck. He's all over the map. He'll do it all. He always brings a new character out for that Kill Tony. Hilarious. He's so funny, man. Okay, so when did this change? When did things change?

Right now, we're talking about comics that back in the day when we were coming up, no one ever gave us props for being funny and young. And right now, when did that change in stand-up where everyone was like, it became a community where everyone wanted to see people succeed? Yeah, when I came up, I felt there was this weird, unnecessary competition between people. Because I had come from a world of competition. So I was like, why are you guys pretending you're competing? You're not competing. There's a few people that are going to get certain roles and things, but the way to look at it correctly was not that you're competing.

The way to look at it correctly, in my estimation, was that we're helping each other. Like when I see you kill, I get inspired. I see some new bit that's really well-crafted and hits me and surprises me. I get inspired. And I think that when you see comics in a vacuum, like I remember when I was coming up, I would go on these weird tours. We'd do a weird show in some weird town.

They had a local scene. And the local scene was almost always hacky. There's a few scenes that weren't hacky like houston wasn't hacky they had a lot of pride in not being hacky boston was very not hacky new york was not hacky but florida was hacky oh yeah right there's a few places there's a few places like that by the way what i realized i was like oh they don't have anybody good that they're around and i remember how bad I was when I first started, how hacky my ideas were, how shitty they were. But I got lucky that I was around guys like Lenny Clark and Barry Crimmins. And, you know, and then after that wave, it was Louis C.K. and Mark Maron.

And there was a lot and there was all these guys that nobody ever heard of that were really good but super ethical about their material. And, like, really sharp about you broke the fuck meter. You said fuck too much. Like, when you say it, it ruins it for everybody. Like, they would explain, like, this comedy theory to you that was, like, really high-level stuff. That I remember thinking, like, why doesn't everybody just do that for everybody? Like all over the place. Yeah.

Like what, why does everybody like treat this as if there's like a famine situation going on and there's a small amount of comedy fans. No bitch, you can't be in Cleveland every night and I'm going to be in Denver and you're going to be in Detroit. We're supposed to support each other. This is so stupid.

We're the only people that understand each other in terms of what a bizarre human being it takes to be on stage. Broken. We are broken. What a spotlight! Talking shit! Yeah. It's not that many people know how to do it. But what was the change?

The change was the internet. This is why. Because before the internet, everybody was like, I want to be the next host of The Tonight Show, and Jay Leno retires, and I'm the next Conan, but I'm on cable. Everybody had this idea of being one person who stood out in a limited amount of slots. And then the internet came around, and no longer was there a limited amount of slots.

Instead, it's hard to remember, but when I first started doing the acting shit, it's hard to remember what it was like back then. No internet and everything was on either NBC, ABC, CBS, or Fox. That was it. And there was a few like VH1, MTV things. It was famine. But they could choose.

There's also one person or one of 20 people who say, yes, you're in. And then that's it. Either you're in or you're not. And this was for MTV. And this was for HBO comedy specials. And this was for all these things. And it was good in that the people that got through were very high quality. Sometimes, sometimes.

A lot of them. If you look back at the comics that became big off of HBO, they have the best record, I think, of all time, if you were to judge. Chris Rock had HBO specials. Oh my God. Louis C.K. Carlin. Carlin had one a year.

For how long? I think he put out 16. Before anyone could, either you saw it or you'll never see it again. Impossible to comprehend. He did a new hour every year. And I went to one. I got to see him run either the last one or the second to last one.

At the store? No. Fucking I wish. And he would run it always the night before, I learned later, at Comedy Magic Club, which I lived nearby for a while. But I got to see him do it at Universal Amphitheater when that was still a thing. And for his closing bit, he had it written down. And he told the 6,000-person audience. He was working it like it was a fucking 80-person room.

He told 6,400 people. He's like, this is how I remember this shit. I got to fucking read it. So then he read the whole last bit because it was really wordy. It was like a monologue. And he's like, this is how I end up memorizing this. So you guys are going to listen to me fucking read it. I got to see him on the – this is what he would do.

He would write a new monologue essentially. And he would tighten up a little bit over the course of the year. I thought this was a dog the whole time for some reason. It's a werewolf? What is it? It's just a cord. I thought it was a dog nuzzling my leg. You really are high.

For real? Yeah, I was like, oh, that's a nice dog. That was my thought. You really thought there was a dog in there? For a second, I did. And then I just realized. I thought it was a rat. He's just so calm.

I would freak out. That's happened in my house because our cat brings rats in the house. Isn't it funny that we're so racist against rats, but yet squirrels get a free pass? A squirrel in the house, I'm trying to put a net over it and bring the little fella outside. If it was a rat, I'm trying to kill everybody he's ever met. Yeah, shoot it. I'm going to put a net over it and bring the little fella outside. If there's a rat, I'm trying to kill everybody he's ever met. Yeah, shoot it. I'm going to stomp that motherfucker. Someone said the only difference between squirrels and rats are their tails.

That's not totally true because rats carry plague, and that's why we have an apprehension about them. Squirrels have to have plague. Tell that friend to go fuck himself with his shitty advice. What's a friend? Squirrels forever, yo. Fuck off. Squirrels. I'm team squirrel, son.

What were we just talking about? Listen, this month, here's one thing that did happen to me. I want to tell you guys this. When it was over, did this month freak you out? When it was over, when it was all said and done, like November 2nd, maybe I woke up, and I went, what the fuck just happened? How did I go from living this completely normal life of podcast guests, to being involved in this fucking insane battle to the death? I'm living this like completely normal life of like podcast guests. You have such a,

to being involved in this fucking insane battle to the death. Yeah. I mean, you know what else occurred to me is like, this probably doesn't occur to you because of how like your history with working out. But I had that exciting but disappointing thought of like, wow,

you know, I can't believe how much I was able to do. Oh, I can't believe how much I'm able to do oh I can't believe how much I'm able to do and don't that's in the last five days that's like a bummer man to me it was

I could be doing a lot more do you want to be doing a lot more I don't think the key to be it's definitely not to do what we did if I could get there for an hour of running and an hour of weights twice a week, I'd be like, this is amazing. That's ahead of the curve. Like, great.

That's health. Yeah. That's a good number. How many? Two days of two hours. Two days, two hours. Even like 45 minutes, 45 minutes. I do two days.

I've been doing two days. And you know what's not a bad idea either? You know what's not a bad idea? Four days, a half hour a day. That ain't bad either. No, hold on. What are we talking about? I'm lost.

So you think four days for just a half an hour? Yes. No, no, no, no. This changed my whole fucking way of looking at working out. This is what I thought. You've got to do an hour. You can. You have to.

You certainly can. Or if you're me and Tom, you do. I'm so impressed with you. You can do a half an hour hard. You can do a certainly can. If you're me and Tom, you do. I'm so impressed with you. You can do half an hour hard. You can do half an hour hard. There's a DVD that I follow. It's called the Kettlebell Extreme Cardio Workout by this guy Keith Weber, who's a past guest.

This is the dude that is by himself in a fucking room, steady shot? He does a couple different variations, but one of them he did on a beach. He just takes a 35 pound kettlebell, and you're like, how hard could this be? 35 pounds is not heavy, but you do it for

40 minutes. 40 minutes with that? Without putting it down, too? Yes, yes. You have your little breaks. You have your little breaks. I bought this because of this motherfucker. You're going dark! It's impossible, Tom. It's so dark. It's impossible. But here's the thing. After it's over, I could barely walk. I bought this because of this motherfucker. You're going dark. It's impossible, Tom. It's so dark. It's impossible.

But here's the thing. After it's over, I could barely walk. I could barely walk. I was hobbling. That's a good sign. My hamstrings and my quads were destroyed. You know what I did the second to last day? What?

I did 15-minute rounds with a guy with mitts. Up and down, up and down, up and down. You could see other people's stuff. You could see some yellow. It would be on the... Well, I'd stay above 80. What did you think about when you were doing it? I thought about – I was trying to give my legs a rest.

And then – so that was what prompted me to start it. And then when I would do – when I was doing it, I would just think about points and Burt. And then I would just – Points and Burt. Burt was a great motivator. Let me tell you something. A great motivator. I did not want to come in last.

I could use one little just heads up. Seriously. A heads up? You're welcome, everybody. Because all of you were beating me. And there was a part of me that definitely felt very alone. That's not true. Because I never thought you could ever beat me.

I wasn't beating you. But here's what I was doing. That's not what I was looking for. Here's what I was doing. What I was doing was punishing you. Because I wanted to take you on a dark, dark, dark tour of all of your insecurities and all of your thoughts of mortality. I wanted to take you into a place where you couldn't ever travel. We're going to go to the bottom of the ocean, motherfucker.

My mortality is going to be so much. As soon as I saw these numbers, and you were saying you're going to do double, I went, okay. I told you. You got him mad, you fucking idiot. Dude, no, no, no. First of all, you didn't get me mad. You didn't get me mad. But you made me open up the door to the dark place.

First of all, you realize that when I was doing the videos they were all for comedy effect i understand but that doesn't matter to me when i'm in competition when i did the video where i go joe i saw your numbers i'm doubling them i came up with my dog and then i and then i pretended to lose my dog everyone thought that was real i was like my dog's had five knee surgeries she definitely can't like the canyons that was so funny because he definitely knew you were joking. But he was like, but fuck that. I don't care. It doesn't serve me to think that you're joking. It serves me.

Right. It serves me to take you very seriously and to take you to the dark place. I'll tell you what. I heard you talk to Nikki Glaser. Yeah. I heard that and I was like What'd he say? He said I'm trying to kill Bert

I saw Nikki a week after she was here I'm like I hope he doesn't die Just play it You didn't say I hope he doesn't die That's how I felt That's not what you said Alright this is going to be my new favorite clip What is it?

I should just be really clear We are right after Bert has said he is going to be my new favorite clip. What is it? Dude, him talking to Nicky. It sounds like your mom house now. But I should just be really clear. We are right after Bird has said he's going to double my score. Right. And I'm like, you fucked up, son. Right, you're fired up by this. This is great. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Isn't that so funny, though? There's not a part of you that respected the Conor McGregor. If he fucked this up, basically. He definitely pushed him harder. Hold on. Let's listen to him. What did you say? There's not a part of you that respected the Conor McGregor in me.

Let's listen to him. There's not a part of you that respected the Conor McGregor in me. How dare you compare yourself to one of the greatest mixed martial arts fighters of all time who has the support of the entire nation of Ireland. You know Conor McGregor

looks at me and you and can explore with me, 700. Whoever the fuck is in Ireland. Connor would love Bert. Connor would fucking love. If you said, Connor, you got one hour to party with one guy, hang out with one guy. He's picking me, bro. I talk shit.

I talk shit. You might ask me advice. I would like to talk to him about his future. I have some thoughts. I want him on your podcast so bad, man. I love that guy. Why is he on your podcast? I don't know. We were supposed to do it a long

time ago. I had his trainer on really recently. You know, I hope he doesn't think that in any way that I don't respect him or appreciate him. Because fighters are like super, super sensitive. Like I've gone through that a few times. I called Tony Ferguson,

who's literally one of my all-time favorite literally one of my all-time favorite fighters i said he was a brilliant weirdo because he wears like ankle weights the way he got mad at you he got mad at me he got upset and i had to talk to him and i like try to sort it out i did it through someone else and i was like what pussies they all are no the inside. No, no, no, no, no, no. It seems like that. It seems like that. But what it is is you're so exposed. What you're doing is so personal. It's so insane. What we can brush off, it's way harder for them.

If you lose a fight and someone disrespects you or in public sentiment keeps you from getting a title shot. That's a significant part of their life. And they're not used to dealing with public reaction. They're used to dealing with this competition. So the public reaction thing of celebrity is an afterthought. It's an after effect of competition.

You become successful and then you have to deal with all these people around you that want you to dance. Well, Conor McGregor is a natural shit-talker. Thank you. He's a great fighter, but he's also a natural shit-talker. You want a Buffalo Bar? Yeah. Dude, that's what I love about Conor McGregor. So why have you had

Conor McGregor and Bernie Sanders on? It's a weird situation that you haven't had either one of those people on. I tried to get Bernie recently. He said no? Some fake Bernie contacted us. Oh, you said you were had, right? Yeah, I was had. They got me.

And I said, I'm a big fan. I like a lot of your ideas. I'd love to have you on. And then it was a fake Bernie. Why would he not come on here, though? I don't think he wants to run for president, man. Why would he still not come on here? I don't know.

He doesn't show his ideas. I don't know, man. You know what I fucking love, by the way, about Conor McGregor? Is that he made me re-appreciate the athlete who knows they're also an entertainer yeah i actually thank you you know there's there's people that did that like i mean everyone probably give ali credit do you know why it works i don't know why it works i mean because that's who he is that's who he is right that guy would be talking and sparring right there's guys that are just funny that that. That doc on him is fantastic. Look at these smoking weed with Mike Tyson.

By the way, Mike Tyson owns a goddamn weed farm. What is it called now? Yeah, what is it called? Jamie, make that smaller, please, so we can read what the hashtag is. It used to have, goddamn. It used to say something about Tyson something or another. Did they edit it? I didn't see it on there earlier.

I looked. Huh. He's having fun. Mike Tyson something or another. Did they edit it? I didn't see it on there earlier. I looked. Huh. He's having fun. He's having fun. He has some sort of company. They're growing weed. Mike Tyson's growing weed. That's wild.

Right. Dude, the thing that's great about, it's really tricky about the UFC because I love the shit talking. Mike Tyson reportedly building a 40-acre weed farm. Bam! Oh, cabbage will be there. Cabbage? What?

Is that in Nevada? That's in California? That's in California. Did you see that? But I do have to tell you. Wait, can I just read the first line? Boxer, actor, and rapist, Mike Tyson. Jesus, man.

Does it really say that? It does say that. It does say that. Who the fuck say that? It does say that. It does say that. Who the fuck wrote that? Some really mean person. This has got to be the roots.com. That's rude. Let it...

God. Bro. Seriously. Bro. I mean, to open your article like that? Here, you know, all bullshit aside, there has to be some way. That's crazy. It's crazy.

There has to be some way for people to bounce back from horrible things. Right? He did. He did. He definitely did. He would be like front and center. Mary and Barry did it. Mike Tyson did it.

Dude, I met Mary and Barry on the Opie and Anthony show. Yeah, I was with you. Yeah, that's right, you were. And as soon as he came in, I started asking him about crack. You did? Yeah. He went straight at him. We were all staring at him, and Joe was like, I'll lead this.

I was like, my thought was like I had someone trapped in a corner. Like I had a wounded thing in a corner. Okay, just so you know, by the way, he was just in the hallway looking for his next interview, and Norton run out and be like, hey, man, you're in here. Come on in here with us. And just brought him in. I'm like, he's going to run.

He's going to run. What'd you say to him? I said, did you smoke crack? No, no, no, no, no. And I asked him about the- No, that's not what you said. You said, what a testimony to the American spirit you are that you can come back from all

these things and manage to reclaim yourself and become mayor again of Washington, D.C. despite everything you went through. And he goes, what did I go through? That's right. That's what he said? He said, no one knows what's in that

pipe. I go, what did you just say to me? No one knows what's in that pipe. He said, I didn't smoke crack. He said, I can't smoke crack, but I didn't smoke crack. No one knows what's in that pipe i go what did you just say to me no one knows he said i didn't smoke crack he said i can't smoke crack but he didn't smoke crack no one's no one else was in that pipe no he didn't even say he didn't smoke crack i think he'd already realized legalese at this at that point yeah so i i don't think he said did he say i didn't smoke he didn't he didn't no i think he said no one knows what was in that pipe. Yeah. Yeah. No one knows what was in that pipe. And I went, oh, this is some jujitsu. You just got underhooks on me.

Served it up, man. They never proved what was in the pipe. But then Joe said, well, what did you think you were smoking when you smoked whatever was in that pipe? I mean, when you lit it up, what did you think was going to be happening? And did he answer that? I wasn't supposed to be there. Took off. He took off.

Yeah, he took off. That's where he's like, you got me? Good, well played. See you later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew we had to get him quick. I was like, you got to get this guy quick. This guy's going to try to do a two minute.

I'm here to say hi. I'm watching DC in the house. Thank you very much for voting for me again. Holla! Yeah, yeah. He just wanted to come in, say hi, and bolt. So I just had to grab him. Can I say this?

That I got a letter when we registered. I was like, I don't know how to do this. I was so mad about doing this thing in the first place. I didn't want to get talked into Sober October again. And then from this to another one. You called me a beginner. Will you do it next year? No.

Yes. He's going to do it. The answer is yes. Wait a minute. Is there any penalty for this year? How about Hold on a second I owe everyone something

Hold please I owe everyone something Let me You gotta drink piss Let me Drink piss That's what I said I'll drink yours

I need that recovery Let me appeal to your fiscal sensibilities Alright Okay What if next year We get a sponsor Like I just want to tell you guys This is like one of the most popular podcasts We've ever done by far it is this whole series of podcasts we're doing

from the weight loss podcast yeah to last year's sober october to this year why would you call weight loss podcast instead of fat challenge podcast god and i'm trying to be positive bro thank you trying to be body positive yeah man sure every curve is the obese host of every curve is exactly where it's supposed to be this the us competing random points like every quarter okay but you guys here's what's the greatest show of all time that's not gonna happen i'm busy you're busy too okay but once a year once a year be a fucking holiday. Once a year is good. We invent our own holiday. Okay, but you guys, listen, I understand.

I know what it's like. You have babies. It's okay. You devote your life to other things. But I have fun. I do things that you all legitimately want to still be doing. There's no way.

October is not the right time. You're doing it. It's the best drinking party in New York. I appreciate you. November, December, January, February. So you're in. It's all okay times party in New York. I appreciate you. November, December, January, February. So you're in. It's all okay times.

This is ridiculous. I love you like no one else in your life. It's hurting my life. I don't have an issue. It's hurting my life. Mine too. You were great this year. You did a great job.

You did a great job, bro. You did a great job. I took the last day off. You could have. You were a fucking 4,200 points. He told me, he was like, well, you just fucking... You go...

You go, well, you just fucking sync up and just let me know if I have to get back on the treadmill. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You guys were all talking independently? No, because I was only talking to the group. Here or there. I mean, this was last day. He was 700 ahead. I was like, I'm not doing 700.

I went and I did a day... Hey, give me another cocktail. I did a daytime... This is fucking ridiculous. I did a daytime workout. Oh, how about that one? This Japanese stuff that's from my friend Todd White. Yeah, let's crack that fucker open.

Hibiki, dude. Yeah. That's supposed to have won all these fucking whiskey awards over the Scottish. They got all mad about it. What's that? This is a shout out to my friend Todd White, who I used to do jujitsu with, who is now head instructor of John Jock Machado,

Todd White Jujitsu Academy in Austin, Texas. He's also a brilliant artist, super famous artist. And he sent me this because he's beautiful. That's it. It says great scotch. Try it. I mean, whiskey. Nice.

Pass some of them ice down this way, myotch. Try it. I mean, whiskey. Nice. Pass some of them Isles down this way. Those Isles? Those Isles down this. By the way, I go to your mom's house whenever I want to know what kind of weird nonsense is floating around the internet. Who's eating shit? Who's stabbing people to death with Q-tips? Hold on, hold on.

Best one ever right now is Garth fucking Brooks. Oh my God. Dude, are you watching that? Oh my God. I am so obsessed. God bless Tom and now is Garth fucking Brooks. Oh, my God. Dude, are you watching that? Oh, my God. I am so obsessed. God bless Tom and Christina from Garth Brooks. Hey, we should all cheers to this, what is it called? Hibiki.

I didn't have any of it. Hibiki. Hibiki. Hold on. Cheers. Pour some to Ari. Pour some to Ari. Shouldn't even have this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, no Ari. Powerful purist what are you doing okay I'll deal with it okay that's good thank you he really is I'll deal with it

I'm dealing with it I'm telling him he can fucking deal with his own thing that should be the name of your next tour I'm dealing him he can fucking deal with his own thing. That should be the name of your next tour. I'm dealing with it. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. It was awful, guys. Why would we not drink during October? We're doing it again. Not October.

That's stupid. You have this New York City. That's stupid. Is it a New York City thing? Yes. You guys don't understand what it's like there. It's the best month to drink in New York. I would walk by bars, longingly going, I want to go in there now.

Oh, I don't know what that feels like. The whiskey's good. Did you really turn 53? Shut the fuck up. Wow, Brad. You and your fake news. Hey, will you say Bert is 53? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Soundbite. Will you? I know I'm lying. Bert is 53, Joe. Bert is 53. Meanwhile, these guys, I'm two years away, no. Soundbite. Will you? I know I'm lying. Bird is 53, Joe. Bird is 53. Meanwhile, you guys, I'm two years away from 53. I'm 51. I know, but that's crazy.

He's two years older than you. That's nuts. That bird is now 53. They changed his birthday in Wikipedia and everything. Who's going to win the surf challenge next year? Me. Because we're going deep. We're taking a month off.

How many have you lost now? Challenges. Listen, this is the second, but here's what's important. The third. Nobody lost or won. I couldn't believe I beat you, Bert. I couldn't believe I beat you. Wikipedia.

Who saw this Wikipedia? Bert, they already put it on your Wikipedia Wikipedia you can suck my dick Do you understand what kind of fake news You're dishing out You guys have to wish Bert A happy 53rd birthday It was just the other day

It was yesterday It was yesterday? Yeah it was two days ago You guys are making me feel bad Because I'm 24 months away from what you make me feel. No, but... But Bert's already joined. But generally, when I say I'm 51, I'm like, is that real?

First of all, that's insane. But you realize when you're 53, Bert will be 55. Oh, also... You look great. People are happy about that. They're like, he looks good. The people are... Dude, I can't control it. I cannot control fake news.

You try to because you're like, hey, man, I'm not the fattest comic ever performing stand-up. I have spread some stuff about you. Oh, no shit, you fucking asshole. What did you spread about him? Nothing. Everything you said was just reported. That's true. That's not necessarily bad if you got all your other bases covered.

I don't understand how you lost so much weight and still managed to have that belly it doesn't make sense to me dude lead athlete let's get that

Mickey Mantle gene it is crazy are you going to stop saying that or are you going to double down you're going to double down what I loved what I loved about it Burt's tour by the way

will validate the Mickey Mantle gene because Burt's tour is like 10 shows a week back to back weeks I mean it's some real Mickey Mantle gene. Because Bert's tour is like 10 shows a week, back-to-back weeks. I mean, it's some real Mickey Mantle shit, for sure. He's doing a lot of shows. I am.

But it's like, I don't want to just lose my family. I want to drive them away completely. Dude, I was thinking about it. How much fun would you have had back in the day? I really think stand-up was totally globally different. If you were on the road with Joey Diaz, Ari Shafir, Red Band, and a tour bus. It had to be more fun. Oh, you guys would have had a fucking insane time.

Dude, we had so much fun. Tour bus, though? It would have been fucking cool. We had so much fun. I've never hit a blunt before. I don't need it to be more fun. Never hit a blunt. You don't know, like, Ari and Joey and Red Band and Duncan, like, the road trips that we went on, the fun that we had, we didn't need more fun.

We just needed to appreciate what was happening. What was happening. We had like, no one. I'm good. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Oh, you didn't get any of that? Damn, Jamie left out. Did you get a drink?

Do you want one? I didn't even tell you. I feel weird with you being sober. I did the bus this weekend. Yeah? I fucking loved it. You loved the bus? I did.

I liked it a lot. You ever been in an accident, son? I've been in car accidents. Can we change subjects? But not in a bus. Pretty common. Yeah. Much more common than plane crashes.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. No, you're fucking with me right now. But they're built like tanks. You know when you drive around, you're sitting in there. Crashes is not a death crash that we're talking about. You're sitting at that little fucking diner seat. You're not wearing a seatbelt, bitch. That's true.

I liked it. Cool, cool, cool. I liked it a lot. You're going 80 miles an hour down the highway, no seatbelt, a fucking 80,000 pound tube of metal. But you will just run through shit. Body Shots World Tour, everyone. Tour bus from January till April.

What would you feel like if you listened to my voice and you heard it in your head the moment your face was hitting the LCD screen? God damn it. That would suck. The moment you were flying towards the screen. I remember this moment. At an impossible speed. And I was going, dude, just fucking take the day off and fly.

Oh, no, no, no. Take the day off. I like the idea of a tour bus. I just booked four more weeks. Wait, look at me. I'm the one doing it. You might not crash. Most of the time you're not going to crash.

That sounds pretty awesome. Joe, come out on the road with me. You know who's got the best bus? We need to do a goddamn stadium tour, boys. All of us. I'll do a tour. I'll drop my entire 2019 tour. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Why don't we do... Let's not have to get too grand. Just start. Shut up, bitch. Wait, one giant show. We're going big. I don't want to hear this pull-back pussy shit. No, no, listen to what I'm saying.

One giant show. Everywhere. Across the country. At Madison Square Garden. 45 different cities. Something massive. One giant show. Yeah.

Listen, we could do that tomorrow. Here's the deal. If each one of us did a half an hour, we got a two-hour show. I can do a half an hour right now. Yeah. Listen, we could do that tomorrow. Here's the deal. If each one of us did a half an hour, we got a two-hour show. I can do a half an hour right now. Yeah. Me too. Oh, I'll fucking do it. I'd love to do a half an hour.

That's all I got. I got 35 minutes. Maybe 34. 35 if I shut the job. No, I'm not smoking anymore weed. Give me that weed. You gotta have it. You are the worst fucking friend I ever met.

No, no, no. The best friend. I love you. You do not love me friend I ever met. No, no, no. The best friend. I love you. You do not love me. I love you. He does love you. Who do you think loves who more? Me or you?

I love you more. Wow, that's some needy shit right there, son. I love you more. So much more than you love me. I love you more. Why don't you guys just butt fuck and get this over with? You gotta be kidding me. You really think you love me more?

Who do you think loves who more? I don't. I've never thought about that with you, Ari. I have not thought about that either. You love Ari more than Ari loves you? No, no, no. I just want Ari to know that I never thought, does Ari love me more than I love him? But now that you think about it, do I love him more than he loves me?

I never thought about that. Now what do you think? Now what do you think? I love Ari. I think you guys are both faggots. I think both of you. You son of a- And we're not going to be tied into this.

That's rude. I feel like I don't I don't have a meter I don't have a love meter Bert I would I would stop almost dying so I was so tired like run to the top of the hill whatever, I'm going to double whatever Joe does. You fueled this. You realize that? You fueled it. Dude, I'm Conor McGregor. I don't think you understand. Tom, when we got this thing, I was like, I don't want to do this. Tom was like, I'll register you.

I'm like, I don't know how to register. I'm like, I'll register. Here's a number. Register. And then you did the same thing with Bird, I think. Anyway, I got an email about the 10th or 12th of October from some lady at Snap Fitness in Shawnee, Kansas, saying, hey, just so you know, you're accidentally registered in my gym. Yeah. And we are doing an October challenge. Yeah.

So I think I should take you off. Currently, you're in third place. And then what did you say? I was like, really? Excuse me. First place. Wait. No, but third at the time, right? you say? I was like really use me first place No, but third at the time Real I was like I could take you out

But I mean a pot I'm in a podcast challenge with my friends Rogan's to Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and go Oh Bert Kreischer. He's in sixth place In our legit gym of people trying to work out for a second second you were like, oh, Bert Kreischer. He was so excited. He was so excited that you were going to say that she was like, oh, Bert Kreischer, the comedian. I love him. She just knows you as B. Kreisch. B. Kreisch from the leaderboard.

You were so happy. You were so happy. She's like, that's my all-time Be Krush from the leaderboard. You were so happy! You were so happy! Well, we all win, B! She's like, that's my all-time favorite comedian! Listen. Listen. Be honest, though! You got caught feeling.

I caught feeling so hard! Be honest! He got so excited! Oh, Bert Kreischer from that Netflix special? No. No, that was not what she even brought up. That was not the conversation at all. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, Bert Kreischer. I know him from the words, be Kreischer on the leaderboard. That's so great. So sad. You know what? But I have to be honest, as humble as I try to be, if she said, oh, Joe Rogan? Yeah.

Like a comedian Joe Rogan? I'd be like, oh, she likes me. Dude, by the way, I recognize that because that's exactly how I feel. You would be like that if someone said Tom Seuss. Of course. Oh, my God, disgraceful. Oh, my God, he is disgraceful. She's like, I see this fucking name on my board.

I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah on my board. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I was like, yeah, you can take me off. Just make sure my points don't start over. And she goes, you know what? Actually, that's cool. I'm going to keep you guys on there. Do you understand that we got better as a score in terms of how well we did in comparison to most

people? With 0.1%, which is much higher. It doesn't make sense. Much higher than Elizabeth Warren is claiming to be Native American. Do you understand? Do you understand these numbers? We're closer to Kim Haynes than she is to this. That's exactly what I'm saying.

That's exactly what I'm saying. Do you know how crazy we did? Yeah. What we did was bizarre. I shout out to Impact Fitness out here. That's who you registered with? That's who I registered with. Did you ever go to the gym?

Yeah, I work out there all the time. That's how I got it. That's actually how it is. You're good. Keep going. So Micah, Brian, and Sean, I worked out with them all month. Wow. Did you get personal trainers?

Yeah, those are the guys. Oh, I met a dude yesterday, acro-yogist. He was like, let me fly you. What did he say? Acro-yogist. He puts you on his legs

like a baby, holds you up, stretches you and shit. He was like, hey, do you know Bert Kreischer? I would love to do that with him.

And I was like, do you normally do with like two people on one guy? And he was like, what do you mean? And I was like, he's very fast.

I don't need you to get him up. He goes, i for sure could not get him up uh that's something i had to think about i'm gonna fucking die that guy was anticipating a human centipede on a trampoline oh my god oh trapeze what's that one that swings yeah trapeze right human centipede with the three of you i love that I don't understand how we all went so hard who do you think loves who more come on

do you think do you think I'm going to answer yes or no answer yes or no we're not doing this I'll answer Tom will answer Ari will answer

you're not allowed to answer do you think you love Ari no I'm not joining on this I'm listening we're all like each other a lot you guys are crazy we're thinking about this level.

You have a real problem with me. You have a real problem with me. Put it in my sentence. I've spent more. I like my friends. My friends like me. You guys are crazy to be focusing on the wrong things. Joe, go.

Yes. I've spent more time with Ari than any of you. Yes. Okay? So if one of you try to attack Ari, I have a problem with that. Ari, we're going to have the same shit. Ari and I have a problem with that. Ari would go down. Same shit. Ari and I have been friends for too long.

I'd be like, that doesn't make sense. It doesn't compute. This is my friend. We've got to work this out. We've got to figure this out. I don't know you as well as I know him for a million hours. I know you for 400,000. Sure.

We have to figure this out. I still know you really well. What the fuck went wrong? That's just how we all have to kind of be. So I don't love anybody anymore. But if one of you fucks with Mike. Okay, if we're on an island, you got to eat someone first. Oh, you know the answer, bro.

So you guys are crazy the way you think. I'm not eating anybody. Let me tell you something. I'm starving to death before I eat any of you. For real? Yes, 100%. You're no way. I start with Ari. I'm starving to death before I eat any of you. For real? Yes, 100%. You're no way. I start with Ari.

I know it's kosher. Oh, my God. I'm eating dead bodies. Are you being serious? Joe, dead body? Not kill me to eat me. I don't want to stay alive, man. Dead body?

Dead body within an hour. It's just a vessel. I would 100% pull you aside and be like, who you want to kill, bro? That's what I would say. I would be like, who gets the eyeballs?

We know that's a delicacy who gets the eyeballs it's always starting with Rogan's ass the problem is the problem is you don't want to die knowing you ate your friend

and it didn't matter disagree here's the thing we would be you don't want to die knowing you ate your friend to live here's the reality if you hadn't said You don't want to die. Here's the reality. Here's the reality.

If you hadn't said this, and this scenario is real, the three of us would be so paranoid about you killing us that we would definitely kill you. We would be like, everything's cool. And then we would take rocks and just absolutely kill you. Thinking through, how do we kill Riley? It'd be like, hey, Tom. Hey, Tom, can I talk to you about over here for the next second? Oh, water? You're going to go get the water for today? Joe's going to kill us, right? Hey, no. Think it through. How do we kill Riley? It'd be like, hey, Tom, can I talk to you about over here for the next second? Oh, water?

You're going to go get the water for today? You know Joe's going to kill us, right? Hey, definitely. So tonight, when he sleeps, we've got to definitely kill him. I think so. You've got to accept. So I'll throw, I'll get the big rock and you get the other rock. Seriously, we have competed against him.

How do you think we would go about killing him? We would have to make him think that we're definitely not thinking about that. And then be like, hey, guys, we're still. Of course I don't think you're thinking about it. Wait, but we would try to killing him. We would have to make him think that we're definitely not thinking about that and then be like, hey guys, we're still... I don't think you're thinking about it. Wait, but we would try to be slick about it. No, no, no, no, no, no. We'd sit by fire and then I would go, hey Joe, when you eat marijuana, does that break down differently in your liver

than other things? You're taking 11-hydroxymetabolite. I'm just going to walk right behind you real quick. Wham! No, you've got to think that he would be thinking the same thing too. So he's like, oh fuck, I would never turn against these guys, but for sure when I'm thinking going to walk around behind you real quick. Bam! No, you've got to think that he would be thinking the same thing, too. So he's like, oh, fuck, I would never turn against these guys. But for sure, when I'm thinking about it, they think if I could turn against them, I would. I'm going to have to kill them.

That's right. I'm not going to do it immediately. I've got to do it tonight. You've just got to accept the fact that you're going to starve to death. That's what you've got to do. You've got to accept it, because if there's only four of us left, we're in the woods, and we're stuck on the top of a mountain, and no one's gotten to us yet, what are the odds they're going to get to us?

How much time do we have left? I feel like- 30 hours if everything goes great. The truth is Ari would wither away first. No. Here's the real truth. I've just been thinking about it. I would say immediately, guys, I see what's on both your minds.

You're all thinking of killing each other. I get it from both your points of view. If we do this, we're never going to survive. I propose a truce. Joe, go hunt all thinking of killing each other. I get it from both your points of view. If we do this, we're never going to survive. I propose a truce. Joe, go hunt food. Bird, start the fire. You're the cook, obviously. Tom, I don't know, man.

College football is your strength, I guess. You know a lot about that. Listen, you've got to. I'll keep up with all this to advise you guys. I'm supposed to think about it. If it was just us, if it was just us living in the woods, if the world went to shit and we're like on an episode of Life Below Zero, we live in some sort of fucking house that we have to put together ourself, we'll make it. Just like we got through this weird month. Okay?

That's true. This is what's fucking strange about being a person is that you don't know what your boundaries are. You just know what you do most of the time. So all of a sudden, when something comes up that requires way more of what you're used to putting out. Way more. Way more. Dude. But isn't that fucking with your perspective at all?

Yes, it fucking is. That you know what you're capable of? Yes. I'm capable of winning a fucking tournament at a real gym in Kansas. I'm capable of that. You're capable of? Yes. Isn't that about it? I'm capable of winning a fucking tournament at a real gym in Kansas. I already beat myself up about that, you know? Yeah. Are you? I already beat myself up

about that. You are the most shabby. We are middle-aged comedians. Yeah, of course. So you go like, I'm not doing enough. I think you already go, I'm not doing enough already.

Okay. So then when you have that thought and you do a month like that, then you go, I'm really not doing enough. Really not doing enough. Yeah, for real. Yeah. What I try to do then you go, I'm really not doing enough. Really not doing enough. Yeah, for real. What I try to do is eat healthy.

I fuck hard every time. I bet you do. And then, you know, I walk. I take bites also. A combination of all those. Do you ever fuck while you're chewing gum? Why that joke? Wait, is that a bad thing? That's fucking aggressive.

That's how I picture Ari. Water gum. Chewing gum. Bazooka. Grape. Grape bazooka. Blowing the bubble. Pop.

Boom. Bubblicious. Even better than bazooka. Fuck yeah. Much stronger with the sugar content. Bigly chew, dude. Bigly chew. Grape bigly chew.

Will you see it at a fucking sporting goods store or something, you're like, yeah, I'm chewing that for the rest of the week. I just bought a five-gallon tub of it for my daughter's softball team. Fuck that. Five gallons? Five gallons. You're a good dad, bro. And I was like, dude, welcome to fucking drugs.

That's what I picture Ari, Big Lee Chew laying pipe. Just chew, chew, bang, bang. I kept meaning to wear the fucking the strap while I was fucking. I did it, Jack. You wrote that in one of your posts. I was going to ask you if you were you said something about my cock fast and hard.

That was the name of one of your posts. Oh, maybe. Hold on. They don't know what you're talking about. They don't know what you're talking about, Joe. Right at the end of the last day, I put it on right at the end, though. But I was like, you know how your heartbeat

goes down fast? Yeah. Yeah, by the time it went down to like 170. 12 points. So I was for sure over 180 while I was happy. I jacked off in Phoenix. You got 12 points for jerking off? 12 points for jerking off.

I got done the workout, went up to the room. Heart rate's still on, still in the blue. You know what you should have done just for science? How high did it get? I sat down. It got up to the green. Never got into the yellow. But when I was doing it, it wasn't moving out of the gray.

Here's my thoughts. What were you watching? I had to watch it. Interesting. I had turned off the Bluetooth because it was based on my headsets that I just worked off, and it cut off the monitor. And so I thought it was a dead... What?

Yeah, it cut off the monitor. If your Bluetooth wasn't on, it didn't register points. Right, right, right, right, right. So you can't have headsets? But you can have headsets no no no no i cut off the headset so i could hear the porn on my phone so i cut off the bluetooth so i could watch the porn oh and by the way i had to sit down like a catcher i had to squat to jack off to try to burn to get a burn to get some movement going i was like i was like i was like

yeah so i'm squatting i'm pumping up a little bit. Pumping. And yeah, 12 points. 12 points, but I was afraid I didn't register them at all. That's a fun point. Those are fun points. Hey, that's three minutes, bro. Oh, no, that's four minutes because you're in the green. Yeah, don't think I wasn't. I added wrong.

You know, in a lot of those kung fu classes, they make you do a horse dance and they make you hold it. That would get you a little while. Get into a horse dance, stand like this, and just hold it. Really? They make you stand for like 40 minutes, 45 minutes. 40 minutes? No. Yeah.

No, no bullshit. Yeah, there's a lot of really wacky ideas in regards to kung fu type training. Some people just make up their own protocols, like stand on a horseshoe, you know, horse stance. Stand there for one hour. That's Nazi shit. Put your hand over the flame for as long as you can. Well, it's also like, it's also the same thing that happened to us this month. Like, how much can you do?

It's crazy. It was crazy. How much can you really do? It didn't make any sense. Ari. Ari, you're doing it. You fucking psycho. You fucked it up. Why?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Just go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. Just go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. I'm doing that. Are you doing psycho you fucked it up? Why no? The bathroom bathroom I'm doing that. He's got p no no no I'm gonna go to the bathroom while he's on the same. What's your son? I'm doing like every what are you doing? Why are you doing this because I don't go again. Come on. Let's go It's already over the bathroom. Come on. It's over. Let's go stop Don't even think about it. Don't even. Stop it. Tom, it's over. Tom, it's over. Don't even think about it. Don't even think about it. I've seen it for years.

Tom. Why do they even think about it? You're letting it get to you. Joe. Ari. That was a great month. I couldn't believe I did any of that. It was a lot of fun.

I couldn't believe you did, but I wasn't completely surprised. Really? Yeah. I was happy. I was happy. I was happy that you showed me. We've been friends for a long time, and I've always said, Hari's just got this very strong mind.

You're not a guy who gives up on shit and you're a guy who thinks through things yeah we've had many comments about that through those last few days i was like i think if i can get like right after they go to sleep a bunch of points and then right after they wake right before they wake up another bunch of points which was like into my beginning of my end of my night, I could break them mentally. I could get like 700 above them. Yeah, then you wrote me right then, like, hey man, you're pretty smart. I'm like, yeah, I think I just got them.

Like the 29th of October. Yeah, you got deep. You got pretty deep. And you went, I mean, there was one day that you ran 15 miles. And I posted that on my Instagram. I was like, do you understand that Ari didn't work out for 10 years? He ran 15 miles.

15 miles. And then he rode 5 kilometers. Yeah. Yeah. 5 meters on the, 500, 5,000 meters, 5 kilometers of rowing, and then biked for like. Yes. 15 miles is ridiculous. I put that shit on my Instagram.

I was dead after that. Yeah. I was dead. Only out of spite. It's the only that shit on my Instagram. I was dead after that. I was dead. Only out of spite. That's the only thing that can drive me is just pure spite. And what was the spite? What was the motivation? I hated all of you for dragging me into it.

I already decided. I didn't drag you into this. I decided I had to try. Joe, you definitely dragged him into this. I didn't drag anybody into this. You all dragged me into this. I had no intention of doing it. My life is fine.

My life is fine too, man. My life's good. Everybody's life is fine. First of all, every one of these challenges has just been a shit Joe Rogan's already doing. Hey, why don't I make the contest? What Joe Rogan's already doing? That's why surfing's gonna be fun. Let's all do that!

That's why surfing is gonna be amazing for us. Surfing is gonna be the shit, dude. We're gonna all end up on Pipeline in the lineup. This is it. This is us. Time. Oh wait, there's already an ass the trackers and everything for you guys I live in New York you can't you get locked out all right all right all right is it locked I think I might have locked I think I didn't know that that thing locked it I saw him waiting there I did I might have locked it. Oh, that's why he's out there? No, but I didn't know that that thing locked it. Oh, I saw him waiting there. I thought he was just not coming in.

Burt locks every door right before he goes through it. Lock it for Boogeyman. I thought he just wasn't coming in, dude. When you were smiling, I thought he just wasn't coming in. I had no idea you were locked out. I thought you were intentionally not coming in. I didn't know why. I was like, I don't get it, Tom.

I was like, how is that not a bit? That wasn't a bit? I thought that was definitely a bit. Oh, I locked it walking out, but I didn't shut it. I was saying, Bert's like, every door he goes through,

lock it quick when the boogeyman comes through. That's not what I sound like. What does that feel like to have, actually,

that actually means you're very distinct. Everybody can do an impression, basically. I don't know if that's distinct. Yes, of course. The first person

I ever heard do it was Red Band. A person of you? It really caught me off guard when he was like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, I don't know. Really? I can do an impression of you. I can do it.

We can definitely do an impression of Ari. Do it. Me, me, me, me. What does your shirt say? Lost Colt. I love Colt. Colt Cabana, wrestler. Oh, okay.

Really? I thought it was some Jewish thing. I saw a Star of David. Oh, yeah. He's Jewish. Colt. I love Colt. Colt Cabana, wrestler. Oh, okay. Really? I thought it was some Jewish thing. I saw a star of David. Oh, yeah. He's Jewish. Colt's Jewish. Oh, okay. One of the first podcasters, Colt Cabana. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was the first ever?

I thought it was Corolla. Ricky Gervais. Is the first at what? Is that true? Ricky Gervais. First what? Corolla got into the mainstream. But what about the guy from Adam Curry?

The God Godfather. Was he the first? Yeah, but what has happened is... Keith and the girl was doing it for a while before everybody started. Keith was a long time. Damn, we should probably establish who was first, right? Like, George Washington was the first president. We're all professional comedians.

Most professional politicians would be able to tell you who the first fucking president was. No idea. We're like, who's the first podcaster? We really don't know, right? Dude, I heard. There was internet radio. There was internet radio, and then it just became podcasting. Who was first between you and Marin?

Marin. Him, for sure. For sure. I don't know. I don't know. I'm asking. Now you know. Well, now you know.

Why don't you stop arguing? Here's what I think. I think that Adam Curry was number one. Adam Curry is an ex-VJ from MTV, and he is known as the podfather, the guy that started podcasting. Ricky Gervais has the first recognizable one. I don't know his relationship history, but I think he's the George Washington. Who is? Adam Curry.

I think he is. How early was Gervais? Gervais is number one, man. Really? First big one where you were. No, no, no. But no, first one. Yeah.

Yes. I would argue that. Is he the first one? Or is Adam Curry? No, Adam Curry definitely is the first one. Gervais is, according to Wikipedia, which Ricky Gervais is. Which is always right. Which is always right.

Which, by the way, lists your age at 53. Put you at 73, bitch. So the always right thing says 53. Bunky fake news. We can't keep up with these trolls. 2006, but in June 2005, Apple added podcasting to the iTunes. That means he's already going. No, no, no.

Ricky Gervais had a BBC show. So Ricky Gervais was number one? No, no, no. His show was launched a year after. Adam Curry's. After podcasting was added to iTunes. But that means when it was added to iTunes, it was already going as a thing. You're talking about Adam right now.

Good point. No, but Ari's point's valid. It was already there, but it just wasn't on iTunes. No, it was not. It was not there. But wait, are you talking about different people? No, no, no. You're talking about different people right now.

Whose was? Two years before. But wait. You're saying Apple was started and then a year later... Apple started podcasts. Let's just Google this for a goof. Who was the very first podcaster?

That's what I started. And that's where you failed at locating. Wait, let me just chime in a little bit. The one thing I started. That's how, that's what I... And that's where you failed at locating. So wait, let me just chime in a little bit. How dare you? The one thing you were looking for

was the only thing you didn't come up with, Jamie. It's just information. We don't have to be competitive. You guys started asking more questions as I was looking through this.

This is an excellent excuse making you're making. I prefer you get back to the doing, which you used to do, which is what we loved you for. You really got you done. You were correct.

I want the old Jamie back. New Jamie, who was sort of a celebrity. You were on the correct thread to start off and said it was internet radio because I was going to say I was recording internet radio talk shows in 2005. A lot of you were. No, no, no. Let me jump in right now.

So there's a difference because MySpace was offering an app on a phone where you could do a podcast. That's where the Monday Morning Podcast came up. God damn it. Can I stop all of you for a moment? Jamie, if you had a guess, who do you think was number one? But, I mean, what did you think of it? Like Adam Curry gets the credit for it.

I believe Adam Curry. I mean, that's what the international podcast says. I think he invented the name podcast. Oh, good point. Not credited to him in that Wikipedia article. He invented the name? I think. Wait, can I ask Jamie something?

We're tricky about this. Wait, can I ask Jamie something real quick? That he does the podcast with? There's another guy who's like a science tech guy. Some guy named Bob Doyle. Bob Doyle? Bob Doyle. But itle? Bob Doyle. But it should be noted that Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly

definitely had podcasts way before this. Oh, really? Yeah, that's where it gets tricky. His podcasts were released on MySpace through a phone app. It was called Podcast? The first memory I've had of podcasting, yes. I want to ask Jamieie something jamie jamie you've been here for i don't know how many podcasts you're the best everybody loves you what is do you have a favorite podcast seriously

because you've witnessed so many like that i've that i've sat through sure that you've sat through that'd be number one you have a top three that comes to mind of your's the top three? The one we did last year of this was pretty good. That's probably for sure up there. It's one of the best. Nice. First of all, noise. Yeah, post-yoga when we were coming down, we were smoking weed, getting drunk. Come on.

Yeah, that was fun. That shit was fun. What else? And one of the first fight companions because that started a whole series of things. So that's memorable to you? For sure. Anything else? An individual podcast.

No, they've all kind of like. No. How about a guest that really like you go like, holy shit. Like Kid Cudi and Maynard were probably my top two favorite. Wow. That's cool. Maynard's. Can we?

Maynard James Keenan. Okay, great. I had to ask. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen. You got it, man. What these few years have done is enhanced our friendship.

Yeah, I love this guy, too, by the way. It's a great way to do some work and get closer to your friends. Of course. Jamie's the best, though. Listen, we got fucking close to each other this month. I think he's re-fired, but let's talk back to what we were saying. This month got super strange. Especially with you two.

Fucking super strange. I really like you two. I feel like I really click with you guys the most. I'm going to fucking kick you. That's what I'm saying. It's like I want Bert to catch up. You fucking assholes. By the way, so when Tommy went down with the injury,

when Tommy was like, hey, I think I'm injured, me and Bert were like, what is this? Play this. Play this. Dude, watch this. Please watch this. This is hilarious. Play this.

Follow your buddy, Garth, here in Nashville, Tennessee, right here in the place where we got inducted to the Hall of Fame. Great room right here in the country's Hall of Fame. Announced the world tour today, the stadium tour. This is going to be fun. I wanted to call it the big-ass stadium tour. It's a stadium tour. Above is all the information on it.

But what we talked about today is we're going to introduce five cities before Christmas to go on sale because on Inside Studio G, you guys asked for a longer planning date so you can plan to be at the What are you showing me, Jamie? First two cities. St. Louis is where we're kicking it off of. Man, you talk about a lot of things. He's so weird. Phoenix. Specifically Glendale, Arizona. Where the Cardinals play.

Stadium as well. So those are the first two. The other three will be announced here shortly. And again, they'll all be on sale before Christmas. And remember, they'll all be on sale before Christmas. And remember, this is all about game day. Every show is going to be game day or Garth day. However you want to look at it. Come dress in your full colors, support your team. Let's go have

some fun. And let's get physical playing music. I like that thought. Everybody go ahead. It's so weird. Here's the thing. Get that off the screen, Jamie. You've got to prepare for this. Why is this so loud?

Because, here's the thing. Listen. By the way, we've got to say this. Garth is an amazing performer. Why would you say that? I've never seen it before. Let him set it up. He's so many people's favorite.

He's a top-selling actor. He sells more tickets than Beyonce, okay? Okay. That dude is other Beyonce. Okay. Okay. That dude is other level. Okay. They sold out more Notre Dame stadium in like under a fucking hour. Like just unbelievable.

Like it's out of control. He's been so famous for so long that I think he really thinks like, what do you know? What are normal people like? You know, if you said like, how much is a bottle of whiskey? He'd be like, I don't know, $10,000,000. He doesn't fucking have any idea. And his social media is really awkward, and it's the best thing in the world right now. It really is.

It really is amazing. From the announcement, that Facebook one that you know, you saw that one. He's like, well, I guess it's official. But Christina just posted this video, I'm Obsessed with garth brooks and it's so fucking amazing it's amazing it's one of the best videos i've ever seen that i i watched it over and over and over again did you see what your wife posted earlier with the lady getting hit in the head with the fish oh my god what was that yeah yeah oh this is one push post no the, this is hashtag. This is Instagram.

It's on. Hashtag Ask Garth. Ask me anything, okay? Hashtag happy. Hashtag Garth. Hashtag Mr. Yearwood. What? Hashtag you're it.

You're it? Instagram. For what? Stop this, Jamie. This is a little no-fucking. What? Listen to me. You've got to stop this right now.

He does that thing where he does this. He's so famous. His wife's famous, but she's not as famous as him. Trisha Yearwood? Wait, what? Yes. Hashtag Mr. Yearwood. That's why he goes Mr. Yearwood.

He does that thing where he's like, I'm Mr. Yearwood. I took my wife's life. I'm just like y'all. I wanted to take my wife's last name. You know, just to... Because I'm just like y'all. I wanted to take my wife's first name, too. He married Trisha Yearwood? Yeah. They've been married for a while.

Okay, go ahead. Great winners. I think he's very sincere. I believe it. But there's something fucking weird going on there. And I think he's got a couple bodies in the trunk. I just don't. I think there's something fucking weird going on there and I think he's got a couple bodies in the trunk I just don't

I think there's something going on I think it's somebody you know how there's something about like when you watch or you remember back to Michael Jackson

and you're like that guy got weird obviously but also how incomprehensible is it to be as famous as he is or was Michael Jackson Garth Brooks like for me the part that's But also, how incomprehensible is it to be as famous as he is? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or was Michael Jackson. Garth Brooks, for me, the part that's a reach or whatever is that none of my friends are ever like, hey, man, did you hear that new Garth Brooks track? I don't have anyone in my life talking about him. So he seems almost like a foreign entity, right? I just go like- But country fans. Did you ever like any of his stuff?

Yeah. I don't know any of it. He's a great artist. That song, I got friends in all places. I'm completely removed from it. You know some of his stuff. But we don't listen to country. It's an anthem.

It's a country. Have you ever heard that song? Have you ever heard that song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, of course. It's a fun song, man. Yeah, it's everybody's... I know.

I know that. If you look at, like, all-time fun drinking songs... That's one of them. Damn, it's close to number one. Look, man, I had no idea. If you're drunk enough to relax and not worry about which fucking rednecks. If you're drunk enough to relax, you have a couple tequilas in you. I got friends.

I can appreciate it, dude. I own some Clint Black shit. I have some Hank Williams stuff. I'm not knocking it all together. I'm just saying he's not somebody that I regularly or that I even talk to someone who's like, I'm going to Garth Brooks this weekend. Waylon Jennings. Waylon Jennings.

But his social media is that special. It is remarkable. It should be recognized. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. He has a show where whenever he's so famous that he'll just post, he'll be like, we're inside Studio G right now.

He calls it Studio G. Garth Brooks Studio? Yes. I'm doing that with your podcast plays. Studio J. I'm already doing Studio G. Studio JRE. I'm already doing, he does funny, like he does weird waves where he doesn't know how

to end a video. So he'll just be like, come see me at this stadium this weekend. He'll just wave. It's hilarious. It's the best thing I've ever seen. It is pretty fucking amazing. I'm obsessed with it now, and I found it through him and Push. Yeah, it's great.

And I don't know if he's cut a video yet, but you know Vic Berger, the editor? He is the best. Yeah, I do. I don't know how. He just pulls the best content and edits it amazingly. And he put up a bunch of Garth's Instagram stuff. It's great. Or just go to Garth Brooks.

Go straight to the source. Go straight to the source. Just make your own decisions. We should do a stadium tour where we just get comfortable. Is that what he says? Get physical. Get physical. Let's get physical out there.

While we're making music. I like that. Let's get physical while we're doing comedy. I like that. You like comedy? You like comedy? Physical. Because here's the thing. He was like, we're going to do this in stadiums where normally you see football teams. So wear your favorite football team's uniform and then let's get physical while we're making music. You know what is weird about comedy?

You know, like my dad would say? Yeah. Go ahead. Sorry. There's a weird thing that happened for a little while where if you if you were too theatrical yeah comics would get upset at you like what are you doing yeah if you if you moved around too much yeah you got physical you acted things out people would literally like shun you like there's a few people that thought you should just stand there yeah yeah that was a style for a while i remember

hearing someone talk. I want to say it was in the movie Comedian, Jerry Seinfeld, going, if I have a bit, I'll act it out because if it gets a bigger laugh, then that's the purpose. And I remember feeling vindicated because I was super physical when I started. Man, it's a weird thing. It's weird. Why would anybody? I also embraced looking more like shit than I do naturally. So I would be like, if this shirt has a hole in it, wear it to do a set.

Wow, really? Yeah, for a while. For a while. I was like, oh, you should look. For some reason, I don't know why I bought into that. I was like, you should just look like. What is that saying? What are you trying to do to me, man?

Your Mom's House fans are taking over this. You son of a bitch. You goddamn tanked. Wait, why do you wear what you wear on stage? I wear things that are loose. I'm curious because you dress specifically, which as a guy who wears no shirt and people go, oh, there must be no thought in that. I go, no, there's totally thought.

I don't wear a shirt. I've actually took me a second to recognize it. Yeah, yeah, I'm the guy. But that was you. It actually took me a second to recognize it. Yeah, yeah, I'm the guy. I thought that was Adam Hunter. That's you the whole time. There's another guy that's doing that, though, right? There's a lot of other guys right now. How many guys?

Bert, you're an official influencer. There's a bunch of influencers. I'm serious. Goddamn Chippendales. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. You're a legit guy, though. How about the Stars Network sponsors the Chippendale Comedy Network?

Oh, shit. The office is rolling in. Every week, hosting. You say you don't put thought into what you wear, though? Yes. I wear things that are loose. Loose. Your wrists are never buttoned.

Yeah, I want loose. I want all the muscles to be covered, everything to be non-form fitting. That's like the opposite of me. If I wear anything that's form fitting, I get uncomfortable. Wait, generally or just for a taping? On stage. Everything. Otherwise, you feel fine wearing form fitting?

Yeah. People go, oh, your shorts are always... Somebody needs to fucking find you shirts that fit. I can't wear shirts that fit. You can't even find them. They don't feel funny. You're like, I've tried. They're like, Joe Rogan's tried, but he can't find shirts that fit.

No, I get that. I know. I understand that. I'm saying from their perspective. But I get it because there's also, have you ever done like where you go, I'm going to get like a bunch of clothes right now and you put on something that feels cool, but then you look in the mirror and you're like, this is too cool.

Too cool. This is like, you're like, I can't wear this. It's too cool for the stage. It's way too cool for the stage. Yeah. You got to wear something that makes you feel cool enough and relaxed.

That's the main thing. Comfortable. Loose. You can just cool like a wedding or something. What's that? You can just cool it among your friends. Yeah, yeah. It's like,

I'm dressing cool today. But if you're like, if you cool it among your friends. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm dressing cool today. But if you're like, if you put it on and you're like, oh, I look like I'm trying to be Jason Statham right now. Like I'm going to beat up a bar. You guys need to fuck with these rubber jeans, man. You know what I mean? Like you're like, you feel like you're like, you look in the mirror. That's who Tom thinks he is.

No, that's who you think you are. I'm Conor McGregor and you're Jason Statham. Oh my God. think you are oh my god oh my god what the fuck i don't know it's him that's his voice oh i love this i'm so glad we do this oh my god this is so much better than fucking you know elliptical machine For five and a half hours Fuck that dude Oh it's worth it though But not fuck that Just fuck that most of the time

Yeah yeah yeah Listen Fuck that most of the time All the time It was never good I could actually I have to wake up And go fuck these idiots

And bring pressure Quit You know what Next year we're surfing No one surfs No one can practice Until next year I'm not practicing

Next year we're surfing I promise I'm not practicing. Can we get coaches? No, no, no, no. I want Sonny Garcia. I want Brad Gerlach. You can do whatever you want. How do you know all these surfers' names?

I grew up wanting to surf so bad. Here's the deal. You can do whatever you want once October gets started. If you want to hire a coach, 100%. Yo. If you want to hire a trainer. Kelly, I grew up next to close to Sebastian Inlet. Oh, fuck you, Kelly.

I know exactly where that is, dog. Kelly, he liked your brother better than I liked you. I never liked your brother. Kelly, Sebastian Inlet. What's up? 772. Let's do this, dog. Cocoa Peeps, Kelly.

To Daytona. You don't want to ask Shane Dorian or Kelly Slater to teach you surfing because they don't have the time. No, they definitely don't have the time. There's probably a ton of real surfing instructors that could teach you. Bitch, you ain't gonna be a world champion. Kelly Slater has no time for this.

She's got a guy who's a good teacher. What the fuck are you? You fat fucking asshole. How great would it be if Kelly... I teach you to fake surf for a month and you're gonna quit for sure. Yo, Kelly, you gotta hook me up. How great would it be if Kelly Slater sat down with you and was like, and I'd like to try stand-up.

Can you help me write jokes? You're like, no, it's my bro. You'd be like, dude, just stop. It's not going to work out. Let's not do that, Kelly. Oh, I'm going to need another drink. This is the best buzz. I remember one time.

It's good buzz. Remember when we went to Hawaii? Yeah. And you, by the way. I gave you dicks. That's true. You did. Did you ever see that video, Joe?

Yeah. I saw that video. Best video in the universe. I'll just tell you. It's better if you don't see it. Okay. Tommy shaves my back. And then he goes, should I shave my back?

And I go, yeah. Oh, I've seen that video. Yes of course. I checked off to it three times. You guys were in Hawaii. That's right. And I hollowed out his tits.

Beautiful job. Oh dude that makes me laugh to this day. It's a good video man. So world tour in stadiums. Stadiums.

Maybe arenas is a good start. Let's not go to places where we can get arrested for ridiculous shit. Where would you go, seriously, if I said, hey,

how's, if we start in March, do you want to start doing some half-hour stadium sets? Yeah. Or arena sets. Let's say arenas. Yeah,

let's figure out where we're going to go. Let's get together and sort this fucking thing out, boys. I would do something. Yeah, let's have out where we're going to go. Let's get together and sort this fucking thing out, boys. I would do something. Yeah, let's have some goddamn fun. Where would you want to go? Madison Square Garden.

Of course that's on list. Let's start there. Let's start there. Let's have some goddamn fun. I would do that. Madison Square Garden. Let's start there. What would you want to do?

Staples Center? What would you want to do? Madison Square Garden. Have you ever had a comic tell you for real, not joking, sincere, that you can't follow me? No. Have you? Fuck yeah. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

All of us. On the road? No. What? Who said that? Here? In this room? No, no, no.

I was like, wait, what the fuck? Who said that to you? I mean, it's not good. I can't say it. I'll tell you off, Mike. Just whisper it. Mouth it to us and we won't say it. No way.

Can you say this? Can you say Candyman, Candyman, Candyman? What happened to this? No way. We'll pass it. Not even a chance. Hey, hey, hey, write it down and we'll write it down. I swear we'll pass it.

Not even a chance. We'll just pass it underneath. I'll write it. Let's do this. You don't know how paranoid I am. Of course that's not going to happen. Why? Let's all write it down. I'm not going to write it down and we'll write it down. Not even a chance. We'll just pass it underneath. You'll never. Let's do this. You don't know how paranoid I am. Of course that's not going to happen. Why? Let's all write it down.

I'm not going to write it down. Hey, Tom, good for you keeping it together, fucked up and drunk. God damn it. Bro, bro, bro. You don't pass it. We can better talk about it. Oh, should we have reservations right now? I'm telling you.

Whisper ear. Whisper ear. Whisper ear. Whisper ear. Whisper ear. Let's do phone booth. Whisper ear. Whisper ear. I'm not doing it. I'm notper ear. Whisper ear. Let's do phone booth. Whisper ear. Whisper ear.

No, no, no. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm telling you bitches right now, I take all my secrets to Tommy first from now on. Oh, hardcore. He's holding on to them. You bitches are loose lips.

I'm not loose lips. Just because I try to crack his vault doesn't mean I have a vault. We're both too drunk to pay the bills. Do not tell him. Birds of a word. Do not tell him. No, you can't tell him. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. Fuck you guys. No. I told have a vault. We're both too drunk to pay the bills. Do not tell him. Bert's the worst. Do not tell him. No, you can't tell Bert. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, yeah, fuck you guys. I told you a secret. Seriously, I'll go through fucking CIA shit, and I will not tell you a secret. I believe you. I promise you. I believe you. I promise you. For real.

I believe you. I promise you. If you told me something was a secret. I've told you so many secrets, it's ridiculous. If you told me this is a fucking secret, people could break my fingers and I wouldn't tell them. I promise you. I promise you. What about you?

I'm not saying shit. For real? I'll tell you a secret, you won't take it anymore? I'm not saying shit. I'll tell you the actual order of who can keep a secret and who cannot. Tell us. Start with who's bad. Who's the worst?

Bert's the worst. Bert, honestly, and this is not an insult, you should tell Bert's secrets if you want it to get out, but you don't want it to come from you. It's like a source. It's a press source. Yeah. It's a press source. He's like one of them CIA leaks in Serbia.

That's right. Yeah. Deep throats right here beside us. I call my special secret time. That's what they do. Some dude in Antarctica and shit burnt just a fucking secret briefcase

full of bullshit. I'm curious, what's next? I can't believe this. He puts it on his blog. Yeah, he puts it on his blog. Next,

you do not want to tell your secret, Joe Rogan is next on that list. I agree. He can keep a secret sometimes, sometimes he cannot.

It depends, I have to file it into significance or incident. It's possible though if you don't make it very clear that it's like fucking God damn it. But I'm always looking out for your best interest. That is true.

He will always defend your friend. Yeah, I agree with that. Till this point, I always thought then I was the most vaulted. But the way you talk make me think that you might also be my understanding of like when someone shares something with you that just dies with you if you tell me that that dies with me I will never betray you

I'll let it out once it's all out to everybody and be like oh just so you know I knew about that 12 years ago but there's also different levels of people telling you something and there's stuff where like you make the judgment you're like this is you something. And there's stuff where you make the judgment. You're like, this is some bullshit. And then there's stuff where you're like, this is a little more serious.

And then there's stuff where somebody tells you something, and it's actually something that could affect their life. And there's a 0% chance I would ever say something to you that you told me. Use your head. Don't say that. If you ever told me something severe, I promise you would never have to worry about me saying let me step in dude i've jerked off a couple kids what's that like i've jerked off a couple kids it's fine don't say this okay cool can we talk about this but if one reality is that sometimes one of your friends will say something that's disturbing yeah and you're not sure if you have

talked to somebody about it. Oh, like I think about killing myself or like yeah, okay. When you and I But I'm not saying this in terms of that. When Ari and I had these kind of conversations. Okay. And you're like, do I talk to people about this? And I didn't understand how to deal with that. I didn't know

anybody who had gone to that place yeah to the i'm close to killing myself place you know i don't i've known people that have killed themselves but i never knew anybody who confided in me that they were thinking of killing themselves yeah i've never had that either that's not not no one as close as you and i were yeah you and i had spent so much fun time together so much traveling on the road together, so many gigs. We had a lot of fun. So I

didn't understand. I was like, you're a really hilarious comedian, you're a professional comedian, you're doing what we all want to do, everything is happening, and then you're depressed. I'm like, there's a situation going on. I don't know what the fuck it is, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

I've never had anybody confide in me like that. That's a different kind of confiding. That's when you're like, let me make the best what I think is a decision instead of just going like, I don't want to share this. Yeah, of course it's better. No, that's a different thing. You're fine on that. You opened up about some shit that I was like, okay, I can't be responsible for this just based on my own personal judgment because I don't understand this that well. And I was like, I've got to figure out what to do.

And then I reached out to friends who told me about psychiatrists, and then we got together. Yeah, you're fine on that. That's making a decision to like oh that's a good share information yeah exactly you're like hold on let me think i'm not talking about that i'm talking about a secret yeah my thing is if you're gonna make me find out for myself i'm gonna tell fucking everybody but if you tell me if i tell you you're gonna respect it i will absolutely i think you and i are on the same level with that where it's not a question of what the line is is just no if yeah exactly if some

especially like if i were to tell you this is a no you would never fuck me up on wouldn't even be a question of course wouldn't come out unless someone brings it up in conversation you're like oh yeah of course this happened yeah but if you tell me no i'll bury it so much i don't even think about it burt would sell you i'm so bad i'm so bad i would not sell you out i would not sell you i believe that i've never sell someone out, but I would definitely. I will make some judgment calls on nonsense. But here's the thing. That's true.

And I hear the thing. But if you tell me to not say anything, I won't do it. That's different. You just got to be clear with you. I appreciate that level of a friendship, too, where somebody goes, I will call you out on some bullshit. I also will say this. I think Bert, if you told him this is definitely a secret, he would

definitely not sell you out. I disagree. I've had him. Don't tell us anyone. And within the day, it's been out. Your fucking phone line's bugged, son. CIA. NSA. One time I gave up Ari's secret

within 12 hours. I've never ever told you anything like that. He told you this was a secret? He told me a secret, but I didn't understand it. Like, I understood that it was a secret, but he didn't say it was a secret the way he wanted it to be a secret. This time we went hiking, and I was like, hey, I have a secret hike. Can I trust you to not share the hike with you? That you won't share with anybody?

And you're like, yeah, whatever, man. I'm like, you know what? What did I say? I don't trust you. Translation. What the fuck did you just say? A secret what? Say it again. He had a secret. I don't know you translation what the fuck did you just say a secret what say it again he had a secret I don't know what I said

He said I had a secret who did you start sharing secrets with you? I'm ready you tell everyone told me a secret Okay, that's so brucktober. It's true and any and he goes don't tell anyone and within 12 hours. I told the secret I don't even know that I told it. I don't remember You don't care about it. No, I don't remember that I did it's alright you don't care about it it's not important to me it's not a real secret you told me a secret

the other day I'm not going to say who by I have more honor than you I've told you and Joe more secrets

should you not be about to tell me this because it seems like someone's secret and you're like I get what you're saying I'm going to say it anyway he did say that

he goes maybe you should never tell anyone what you're about to say. I want to hear about it. As a nosy Jew, I want to hear about it. But just from your point of view, for a second, it seems like you're worried about telling this guy's secret. You know, you being able to say nosy Jew is such a beautiful thing.

Because it lets you have more to say it? We're nosy, bro. Not really. No one else in this room can say it. We're nosy people. You can say it. But you have a free path. A free path.

To nosy Jew. Yeah. Nosy and Jew. I can barely say it in reference. My nosy Jew friend. Me saying it. Me saying you saying it can get me in trouble. It's not quite the N word, but it is the J word.

It's like blue in know, it's like blue in the my zone's points. The N word is straight red. That's red. What's chink? Yellow. That's my favorite. You understand what the fuck I just said?

Yellow. Yellow. We're gonna be okay, folks. We're gonna be Madison Square Garden mates. My favorite N-word. You understand what the fuck I just said? Yellow. It's a joke. We're going to be okay, folks. Can somebody in Madison Square Garden make 12? My favorite N-word argument is when the old guy, the old white guy goes like, well, why can they say it? That's an immediate green light that that guy is super racist.

He's like, I don't get it. Give me an explanation. Why do you want it? Just stop saying it. But it's like, why? Why are you pretending you need that explained to you? Do you know what's the most underlooked racist thing in this country? It's Asians and Harvard.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like this past year. They literally make it more difficult for Asians to get into Harvard than anyone else. There's so many of them getting in. What amazing super performers. It'd be all Asian.

23% 23% Is that kind of racist? It's super racist. Aren't they better? They're much better. You're crazy enough to let them in. They're going to win? Do you really? They're much better. They're much better. By the way, it is racist and you're crazy and I thought the man. They're going to win.

Of course. They're going to win. Do you remember? When you went to Russia. Was this like this for when you were growing up where like in my high school, the standards for the, like the standards that Asian families put on their Asian children was through the roof. And by the way, they were, we had a top 10 thing they give away.

And it worked, Tom. It was 80% to 90% Asian. Always. Well, you know, I literally grew up from 15 to 21 around a ton of Korean people. Bert turned 53 last week. Wow. Last week? You're 53?

He looks great for 53. Thank you, guys. Yeah, you know. I was around a ton of Asian people. Yeah. Their work ethic is insane. Next level, bro. It's insane.

The way they problem solve is different. So we went to a Korean grade school, and Georgia and Isla would have a hard time doing homework with Leanne. And one time, one of the Korean moms goes, why don't you just switch up? That's what we do. We never do homework with our children, because our children won't give us what they need, but they'll give a stranger what they need. The Korean moms were switching up and doing homework. The moms were. With different kids.

Dude, Asians are next level. Next level. Do you see Hasan Minhaj's thing? What? Hasan Minhaj? What the fuck did you just say? Wait, what did you say? Can you play that back?

What did you just say? Fuck off. What did you just say? Pull over, sir? What did you say? What did you say? Pull over, sir. Might see driver's license. Did you guys see my stuff? Registration and proof of insurance. Hasan Minhaj.

What did you just say? Does this man work with you? Is he a friend of yours? Why don't you know how to say his name? He's great, by the way. What kind of party are you coming from? Birthday party? He's a great comic. Hasan Minhaj. Yeah, he's so

funny. I don't know if it's funny per se, but it's really good. I haven't seen it either. It's really good. But that's what his first thing is about. Whatever, dude. I'm fucking hammered. I'm not going to try to talk like this. You said, have you guys seen Hamar Ramaz, I'm fucking hammered. I'm not going to try to talk like this. Cause you said, he, you said, Hey, you guys, have you guys seen us?

Salaam alaikum. I just want to go to surf camp. No, no surf camps. Remember, we can't do any surfing until October 1st. Okay. Let me ask you guys a question. This is what Nikki said. I went on her show after, after this.

And she goes, yeah, she goes, what did you say? Like, it seems like these guys all decided. Shoot. This is what Nikki said. I went on her show after this. Nikki Razor? Yeah, she goes, what did you say? It seems like these guys all decided you're going to do some thing, and they called you, and you're like, what? No. Fuck all of you. No. What was the plan to go to Las Vegas?

Oh, yeah. Drink piss and fly in a private jet. By the way, everything was set until your fucking ass got on the phone. Thank God. Everybody was in agreement. Thank God. Voice of in agreement. Thank God. Voice of reason. Reason.

Listen, I've been Ari's friend for a long time. He's treating me out sometimes. He's a voice of reason. Do you realize right now you'd be on a Gulfstream fucking G450 with bird pay in the bill? Wise man. Stop. I turned to Ari for advice. Guys, listen.

What's our reward, though? We should have a reward. I owe something. I owe something. I got a belt out of this motherfucker. You do get a belt. We're going to present you with that belt in a moment. I win. Where's the belt? We're going to get that in a moment. It's something. I owe something. I got a belt out of this motherfucker. You do get a belt. We're going to present you with that belt in a moment. Where's the belt?

We're going to get that in a moment. It's over there on the stack of weed. I would like to say. Stack of weed? It's a stack of weed. It's the Pulp Fiction box of weed. Go to my Instagram for more details. Okay.

Okay. Actually, let's present the belt. No, not the Pulp Fiction. It's more like Creepshow. That's what that's about. Werewolf that lives under the stairs. Creepshow is a perfect. That is the perfect analogy.

That's the goddamn crate. That's the crate of Creepshow. There perfect, that is the perfect analogy. That's it, that's the goddamn crate. That's the crate of Creep Show. There's more nightmares. I wanted this belt so bad. Okay, I would like to, ladies and gentlemen, be one of three people to present this belt. Thank you very much. The ultimate Mickey Manor Gene Award. This was fucking crazy, by the way.

The fact that we actually did this was nuts. Nuts. And I would like to say, on behalf of me, one of the three non-winners, I won't say losers, of the Sober October Fitness Challenge, Joe Rogan. Much like Jesus before him, where there was nothing and then there was winning, Joe Rogan, you have achieved the champion of Sober October Physical Challenge. I, Ari Shaffir, present to you Joe Rogan. This belt saying you are the champion of Sober October.

Thank you, Ari. I just want to say for the record, I was most impressed by you. And then if you had been exercising as long as I, I probably would have died trying to defeat you. Great job, John Rucka. Tom Segura. Yes, sir. I was very impressed. Come on over and help me present the belt. Well, look, it's already on.

I'll just say this. I was, uh, Joe, you showed us definitely what time it was. It was all about second place. And Ari, you definitely got that, so congratulations to you, Ari. But Joe, you're in better... Here's a huge shocker. You're in better shape

than the three of us. I think that had a factor. That was certainly a part of it. How much energy you could put out. We all put in, though, man. We all worked our ass off. But it ultimately is about TRT. Is that tight enough? Or not even? TRT? Yeah, to be honest. This But it ultimately is about TRT. Is that tight enough or not even? TRT? Let's be honest.

This is like an advertisement for TRT. Older than all you fuckers. At some point we're like, hey, it really does go to show you that steroids can help in athletic challenges. This is why it's illegal. They have chemicals now. You've had doctors tell you get on it? Oh, 100%. Yeah.

I've had several. There's a certain point you cross over as a person. get on it? Oh, 100%. Yeah, I've had several. Particularly, there's a certain point you cross over as a person where you go, how much time do I have left? Do I have 40 years left? Do I have 50 years? Wait, when did you first have that thought? I mean, I know you can

have it many times. Let's say when you took it seriously. 30-something? When I was in my 30s i would see my body not responding as well and i was like oh where's this going that was when i really started thinking about it about hormones yeah yeah yeah because uh i started seeing like i was working out really hard and uh and as a boxing fan i always knew when a really good boxer got into their 30s, you had to keep an eye on them. They might sour instantly. Yeah.

They might get knocked out all of a sudden and they couldn't take a punch anymore. There was this guy named Doug DeWitt. He was like this badass middleweight. He just could take a punch like nobody else, man. It was crazy. Like this guy could just bang on the chin and people would be freaking out. Like how does this guy take punches like this? And then one day he couldn't take them anymore.

It was a cumulative effect of all the punches landed. But it was also age. Like almost all of the great champions, they get into their 30s and they just fall. They start to slide. Were you freaked out? I mean at the – or I don't know. How much did you question hormone replacement or anything like that? Like, did you freak out about the thought of it?

No, I didn't freak out about it. I just wanted to see, like, what do smart people who study that think? Like, what do they think is going to happen? And they were all, how was it? They were all like, there's a bunch of things you can do. Like, this is, like, and we talked about this when we were talking about, if you got a good doctor, they're not going to just put you on any kind of hormone replacement first.

The first thing they're going to do is exercise you. They're going to check your blood. They're going to check your vitamin levels. They're going to ask you what you eat, how much do you sleep, how stressful is your life. They're going to ask you what you eat. How much do you sleep? How stressful is your life? They're going to try to sort things out that way first. That way your body is at a more optimum level. And for a lot of people, that's all they need.

They just need more sleep, less sugar, less processed foods, do a little weightlifting, do some squats and deadlifts things that boost your testosterone and maybe you're 34 be just tired after work and you can kick that shit back into gear cut out the milkshakes and all the bullshit you could probably kick but kick it into gear right but then there's guys that are like 49 50 51 57 and they're just fucking tired they're just tired and they go and there's here's your options you can keep being tired or you can get your testosterone replaced and you're not as tired anymore you feel like a person you feel like an actual person not like a decaying person because that's a lot of what makes you feel like a decaying person is the body's lack of production of hormones and this

is what's really important they they think this is the case with a lot of people that have had head injuries they think this is one of the it's a key factor in depression for people that have been in car accidents people that have been beat up people that have been that have had a lot of head injuries your body stops producing a lot of your hormones correctly because your pituitary gland gets damaged so for all those reasons like at a certain point in time whether it's 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 you gotta one accept your mortality and two accept the idea that there are certain things that have been discovered scientifically that can enhance the time that you have left. Right.

So you either dive into them and listen to science and experiment, trying to figure out what works best for you, or you don't. It's up to you. This month was a real introspection into that. Like watching, I literally was like I was like man I think my lifestyle there's a lot of things I could fix before I added things you know you know what I mean like get off blood pressure medicine drink less but it's huge you would they would a good ethical a really ethical doctor

would go to that immediately that would be the first thing they would go to. They would say, you've got to just fix that because, listen, you ran a fucking marathon, man. That's crazy. Yeah, it's not like you're a loser. You're a fucking guy with an iron will. You figured out a way to run a marathon with very little training. And then you did, what is that stupid Spartan race thing?

That shouldn't say stupid. Ridiculous. The Spartan race, yeah. Running around throwing fucking sandbags and shit. Like, what is that stupid Spartan race thing? That shouldn't say stupid. Ridiculous. Spartan race, yeah. Running around throwing fucking sandbags and shit. Like, what are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. Like, you do a lot of shit, man.

I like those things. I think I'm very goal-oriented. Like, if I set a goal and I do go, oh, I got that coming up, I think it helps me. I'm not the kind of person that you just kind of float in the water and not know what I'm doing. I think it helps everybody. We're just unnerved by the expectations of any kind of challenges that we subscribe

to. We just decide, okay, we're all going to agree the whole month of October we're just going to go crazy and do cardio five hours a fucking day and try to kill each other. Okay. We kept pushing against each other. It was great. It was great. It was great.

It was great. It was great. It was great. It was like if everyone just did 100 a day, I could have done 110 and won. Surfing. Surfing is going to make us so much fun. Surfing would be really weird. Did you discover anything through sobriety?

Yeah. No. Here's what I discovered. Yeah. The sobriety thing is good. Yeah. It's good to clean out the pipes. But what's more important is understanding The sobriety thing is good. It's good to clean out the pipes.

But what's more important is understanding how different everything feels when you work out for four hours or whatever it was the average day. If you looked at the whole month, I probably worked out four hours every day. Yeah. I mean, I probably did. There was a lot of five and a half hour days. There was quite a few three hour sessions followed by three hour sessions at night. You did a lot of weights also, which didn't give you much points, but gave you like fucking tons of time. Well, for me, it wasn't even that.

It was like, I just have to mix it up or I'll go crazy. Yeah, there were times at the end of a workout too where I'd be like, I don't care if it's not important. I want to do fucking something else. I want to do some weights. Yeah, well, I just was also, it was a thing where I was in this weird high state, this weird post-long workout high state. And I just wanted to keep it going. I just wanted to keep, like, flowing and relaxing while I was, like, lifting weights and doing weights and doing kettlebell swings and shit. I just wanted to do something else.

I wanted to do chin-ups. I wanted to do something that was just moving my body. Almost as if I was cooling it down after all that exercise. Yeah. It was bananas, man. After it was over, I was like, what the fuck happened? What did we do? It was like we got possessed by a wizard spell. What did we do? It was like we got possessed by a wizard spell. And all of a sudden we're trying to- What did we do?

We hit 0.1% of all the people using this fucking thing. I went down to that fucking gym and I was like, hey, I want to sign up for whatever. It goes, well, here are our things. I'm like, I'm just going to start working out right now. So log me in however you need to. I'm just going to start working out. I got to keep doing this for a while. But do you know how nuts it is that four middle-aged comedians hit 0.1%?

Three of them obese. Middle-aged obese. 0.1%. I'm obese, according to all their ridiculous metrics. Well, that is nuts that we worked that hard. We worked so hard. I can't believe it, man. Dude, when I saw that thing of you running in the hills

saying you were going to double me. That's all I needed. Oh, you fucking idiot. This is a day of death. Don't you want to tug on the tiger's tail? Do you want to tug on the dog's tail? I'm like, we're going to go down the dark road, for Christ's sake.

So there was a thing. When Tommy comes back, you've got to play the Nikki Glaser clip. It's just, I guarantee you it's on my Instagram. It helped me to have you around. Yeah. When Tom got 600, dude. So me and Bert, when he got sick, it was like, okay, cool, he's done. We both separated ourselves from him by about 700.

And then we're like, hey, we talked. We were like, looks like Tom's out, pretty much. We were like, looks like Tom's out pretty much. We were like, looks like Tom's out. It was like, yeah, that's cool. So we're not coming last. Because that was the big fear. And then you said, yeah, I'm still going to try to beat you, though. I'm like, yeah, I mean, good luck.

But you're not going to fucking do it. And it was just like, oh, OK. We're still going to go on. It's still going to go on with the fucking challenge. Dude, I have to pay more compliments than anything in this. Because Ari Shafir, you really changed my perspective of working out. Like, of going the way I go. If I get in a spin class and they go, all right, stay out of the saddle and you're paddling.

I go, Ari would be still out right now. Like, that's the way your brain works. It's different, man. It's a brain function. I surprised you guys with yoga, too. They're like, you guys do all this pose. I'm do all the poses i'm on fucking fat legs to get my fucking feet around each other it's the way a person's brain works can't do that shit yeah i just never do it normally i tell you the reason why i thought you were dead last for sure

did you really think you were for sure i. No, no, no. I was already thinking, let's cheat. Let's pay people to do workouts for me. I knew two things were going on. One, Tom had been exercising on a regular basis. And even though he might have carried a little bit of body fat, he's actually a fit, strong guy with a strong mind. I also knew that Ari swept me one time. That motherfucker. I was on top of him.

I was a brown belt. He's a white belt. Once in a while. Ari had me on my motherfucking back. I was like, oh, bitch. I thought it was over. I honestly was mad at you guys

when you were like, we're going to Vegas, first class and the thing. I was almost going to be like, just to ruin it for you. I'm like, okay, cool. I'll write a check. Tell me where to write

the check right now. I'm not doing your fucking stupid thing. Listen, Ari tried to kill me with his bare hands. He was trying to kill me. He was trying to choke my neck. Can I just say?

I know Ari. Now that we've done this, and to reward ourselves, I say, why don't we do something that would be fun for all of us? Surfing until someone dies. No, I mean as a reward, going to Vegas at a boxing

fight would be fun. Watching any of you die surfing would be the most fun. You have decreased the level of happiness I have with my life. There's no doubt about it. Any sort of metrics show you. How much happier would you be if it was Burt dying?

Increase the level of sadness. Ari, you can't deny that you are very proud of yourself for your performance this month. Because in my opinion, and this is I'm being 100% objective, your performance was the most impressive. It was surprising for sure. You didn't exercise at all. At all. I thought so too. I've never not exercised.

I've been exercising my whole life. When I saw you just all of a sudden – Thank you. I appreciate that. You did 479 points one day. Yeah, I did a bunch. Yeah. Tom showed me a 630 or something and I was like, what the fuck?

When he caught right up and I was like, oh, fuck. I was ready to coast because I had already given up. I saw a marathon one time where a guy went the wrong way. He was in the lead or neck and neck with the guy. Went the wrong way. Everyone had to say, no neck and neck with the guy. Went the wrong way. Everyone had to say, no, no, no, you're going the wrong way. This is the last like 300 meters. And then he's like, oh, fuck, maybe a mile, you know.

And he had to like come all the way back and then try to catch up. But that wasted space that late. And he started sprinting. And he sprinted right back to that other guy who was already in first place. Because he fucking dug down deep. I was ready to coast. And then when you started winning i was like oh no i'm done and then i was like yeah i can do this wow i'm pretty high too yeah can i just say though instead of a boxing match which i find boring i'll be honest with you guys what do you like i get it why i

understand where you come from okay what do you do you like? I've seen why Florida's the swing. Yes. Kickboxing. Let's go see kickboxing. Yeah. Is that what you wanted to say? Yes. That's what you were leaning towards?

Kickboxing. Yeah. Kickboxing. Really? Let's go see some Muay Thai. We go to Chiang Mai, Thailand. Oh, shit. Oh, you want to go to Thailand.

Yes, and we go and see some kickboxing. We can have cigars. We can be at Anonymity. We can just be regular people. Go to Chiang Mai. Go to a couple kickboxing fights. Walk around in sandals for a few days and we're back in no time. What's with the feet reference?

Leave on a Monday. We're back on a Friday. What do you care what I wear? What if I wear Uggs? Yeah, man. I want to wear fucking boots. I'm into Uggs, bro. I like the sandals.

We can eat some Thai food. We stayed out of Bangkok. How long are we staying? Motherfucker works for Thai Airlines. Leave and back in four or five days. Four days tops. I'm saying leave on a Monday. We're back on a Friday so you can go to your next...

You don't have to take off a gig if you don't want. Interesting. Go see some fights. Have cigars. Some Chang beer. Watch some kick fights. I like this idea a lot. I really do like this idea. Get drunk. Walk around the streets. Pretty good idea. Watch some kick fights. I like this idea a lot. I really do like this idea.

Get drunk, walk around the streets. Pretty good idea. So wait, though. But no, I mean like. Have a good time. This is after surf week. No, this is way before surf week. Surf month, you mean.

Surf month. You sound like rich kids planning out their summer. It's going to be a fucking surf travel. What is that called? Do you think you'll be good at it? Surf riding? Surfing? Surf safari.

I really don't know. I've never done it. Surf safari? Do you think you'll be good at it? Surf riding? Surfing? Surf safari. I really don't know. I've never done it. Do you think you'll be good at it? When I first started doing yoga, I was amazed at how shitty I was at it. Yeah. I was surprised. I didn't think I would be good at it, and I was worse at it than I thought. Surfing?

No, yoga. Yoga. Oh, yeah. Clip with Nikki. What does it say? Our Shafir is shifty. I'll take it. I mean, smart.

We haven't totally determined what the loser has to do. Ari wants us to drink each other's piss. He wants to drink your piss. That's what Ari wants to do. He's going to lose. He might not lose. Right now, Tom Segura is in the bottom. Tom Segura is in the bottom.

I think Tom is going to try. I mean, you're obviously set to win this thing, but I think Tom's going to sneak up. He's playing it down. You looked at his wrist yesterday. You go, what's a thousand something? Oh, that's nothing. Just the calories he burned that day, a thousand. Tom's sneaky.

Yeah, a lot of people feel like that. I really think he's going to do something on this. He's going to be the one to beat. You got to realize, though, Burt ran a marathon. He did run a marathon. Yeah, you lot of people feel like that. I really think he's going to do something on this. He's going to be the one to beat. You've got to realize, though, Burt ran a marathon. He did run a marathon. Yeah, you ran a marathon. This is fun, I have to say. Any one of you could pull ahead.

Can we talk about what you did yesterday? Yeah, I worked out for three hours and 20 minutes. I'm trying to double everyone. I'm trying to break Burt's will. That's what I'm trying to double everyone. Yeah. I'm trying to break Bert's will. That's what I'm really trying to do. He talks all this Mickey Mantle jean shit. I'm like, motherfucker, I'm crazy. You don't understand.

I will work out twice a day like that. I will try to give you a fucking heart attack, fat fuck. I would love to see that. You will, too. You'll kill him. You could kill him. I just don't know if he's going to... I don't know how long he's going to keep it up.

I don't know. He's like, oh, Bert. Bert's very competitive up to a point. Like, with the weight loss challenge, Tom stayed steady, and Tom won in the end. And Bert tried. He tried to sprint towards the end. Right. But it was too little too late, and Tom was talking shit the entire time.

Like, I know what you're going to do. You're going to fuck off until the very end, and then you're going to try to catch up, but it's going to be too late. And he was right. Yep. Bert. I don't know if Bert's will can be broken. Has it been broken before?

It never has been. Well, it's not his will. It's the discipline aspect. See, when you're dealing with an entire month, you have 31 days of having to get after it. So how often do you get after it normally? See, that's the thing. The difference between me and Bert is I work out almost every day already. So for me, it's just like those days off don't exist anymore.

So what I've decided to do on my days off is just do shit that I wouldn't normally do. So I'll do the elliptical machine for two hours or I'll do something else. I'll do something else. But the whole time I'm thinking, I'm going to break Bert. I'm going to break Bert. Oh my god, I didn't know about this. You guys were talking about who you think about when you're really trying

to get past that point where you're either kickboxing or even on an elliptical sometimes you've got to get angry. And you think of Bert. Right now I'm thinking of Bert. I'm thinking of breaking Bert. Breaking his will.

You guys are all addicts in different ways. And this is so interesting to watch because you're right. You already work out a lot. You're an extremely healthy guy, but you're now going to take it. I can see the excitement on all of you to take this to just an excruciating level. Because it gets obsessive and it gets fun.

You can work. But that's the thing. I'm excited to talk to you at the beginning of this when you're still pumped up about it. And it's like you get a high from working out for three and a half hours a day. 17 days from now, I'm going to be a beaten man. Yeah, you are. And you're going to get a surge at the end when it gets close again. But 17 days, you're right.

That's not going to be a fun day for you. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Who knows? You know, did you ever see there's a really interesting documentary? It's like Kung Fu. Yeah, it's weird. How do you feel now?

It's hilarious, man. Physically? Do you feel like you broke's just hilarious, man. Physically? Do you feel like you broke me? No, no. You didn't break him. Did you feel like you did your best? You did your best. We talked a lot of crazy shit.

Why did you talk shit, Bert? I know you two let him do his regular work. That's who Bert is. No, no, no. Fuck that. It's good for everybody. It's who Bert is, though. There are guys that like to talk shit, and there's guys that don't like to talk shit.

Listen, I don't feel bad that you talk shit. I'm happy that you talk shit. It was fun. It was fun. It's scary. You should talk shit to yourself. I didn't, but I didn't think that it would go where it went in terms of how much time every day I was working out.

I never thought it would really get to that. It was crazy. I thought in the beginning we would all just have some fun work out an hour a day and see whose number was higher yeah it would be like real close no no no i wanted everybody i figured tommy and i we talked about it we're like everybody if the last week's gonna sprint yeah right yeah of course i thought that was definitely gonna happen then you made that video and i was like which video which video i don't know when you said you would double me i was like i'm gonna take you that was definitely going to happen. Burt, then you made that video, and I was like, damn. Which video? Which video? I don't know. When you said you would double me, I was like, I'm going to take you. That was the one with me and my dog.

No, there was another one before that. I talked to Rogan here, and he was like, fucking Burt. Where do I put this bill, dude? He's got to come in last. I was like, oh. Wait, hold on, hold on. You know for a fact that I made those videos out of love, right? Oh, I understand.

But I didn't, listen, I believe that right now. But it doesn't help me to believe that back then. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you've got to be angry. If you say something like that, even if you don't mean it, you said it, and I don't have to get mad at you. But I have to at least acknowledge there's a transference of energy right now. I don't want to call it anger. It makes me want to make sure that you don't ever

fucking win this thing. There's no way. We're going to go down the dark road. Wait, hold on. We're going down the dark road. This is the difference. Let's not forget about that. This is the difference between high performers.

Wait, hold on. Did you all recognize this? I picked up on it pretty on. Do you all, did you all recognize this? Because I. I picked up on it pretty quickly. Talked a little shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mickey Mantle gene. Fuck that shit.

I knew we were done pretty quickly. You knew what? I knew we were done pretty quickly. We were done. I knew that when he was saying, even though I 100% understood his joke. Yeah. That he's like, whatever Joe does, I'm going to do double up. You fucked us.

You fucked us. I knew that he would interpret that in a competitive way. Like he would use it. Are you a serious trainer? Hey, Joe, you should do your regular workout and see if you can still beat us. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Not negative.

Not negative. Not like I don't like you or you don't like me. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. If you really say, I'm going to double everything Joe does, I'm like, you're going to die. Joe's not going to let that happen. I realize that. He's not going to get close.

I realize that right now. How is it not going to happen? You gave me. I don't have to interpret it. You gave him the win. You gave me a thought in my head that you're going to try to do that. His daughter is now calling the cable guy daddy because he's been gone so long working out. She has no memory of him because you had to say I'm going to double you.

Yeah, I knew that. I don't need to know if you're being honest. That's not necessary for me. All I need to know, I'll push that aside. I need to know that you think that you're going to do that. You think you're going to do that. You think you're going to do that. Even though you really know that he doesn't think he can do that.

100%. But fuck him. You can't allow it. I'm not going to allow that. I'm going to put some blinders on. I wasn't meaning it for real. It doesn't matter. You can't take a chance. We're going to go through the darkness. Can I just say this? That we all use Bert as a motivation.

Like, I don't want him to beat me. Every single one of you. Yeah. But let's not get lost in this. You got to understand, I got real, real serious anxiety. When you got sick? No. When I realized I could recover.

Lose to Bert. When I realized I could recover. If I got worse, I'd be like, I'm super sick. But when I realized I was getting better and I thought I might lose, I got real anxiety about it. Yeah, I got super nervous. Yeah. You were the same as me. Just don't come in last.

It's about losing the bird. It was just, yeah, I don't want to lose. Well, it's about, don't come in last. It would be terrible. Yeah. What kills me is that, what? You put a video out? Was that what it was?

What was it? Or was it a Twitter post? Fucking idiot. Early, it was like, where do I put the belt? Yeah, of course. Guys, guys, guys. I want to just be very, very clear. Very clear.

I did not enter this contest to lose. I didn't think I was coming in. Shut the fuck up. There it is. Oh, what a gross fake bounty. Was that now or before? I don't know. And we also have a fitness aspect.

That's right. I'm challenging those gentlemen in fitness, and I'm going to beat them at their own game. And it starts. You're a good host. We're getting a brand new Porsche. Pete, what do we got here? We got a 1992 Porsche 911 RWB, hand-built by Nakai. Which one are you, Bert?

The guy who doesn't have any clothes on. Flop-flops and shit. I'll take it. Dude, you should take that car. You bought that Porsche? You should have bought that car. It's so expensive. That's it?

How much was it? Talia hit me up and was like, did you buy it, man? Congrats. Dude, that's a dope car. It's like $420,000, I think. $420,000? Yeah. I did talk shit, though, bro.

Hey, hold on. Hold on, for real. You talk too much shit, Bert. No, I won't stop ever, ever, ever in my life. Of course not. I'm one guy. I'm one guy. I don't want you to.

I want you to be yourself. Yeah. It was fun. It was fun. Let me tell you something. I think what we're missing, though, is that all of us went to try to make sure you don't beat them. But you lost. Yeah, but I lost on purpose.

What's that? No. Did Joey see you at the store that one day? Did you hear about this? What happened? When Joey was here on the podcast? Yeah, he called me. Yeah.

Was that you? No, no. Dog. No. He called me and said. Was that you? No, no. Doug. He called me and said, I did a video on Instagram stories. I got recognized. I didn't know the person. They were like Bert and tried to tell me a story. Joey saw it and then said that he caught me

drinking in a parking lot. But if you saw the stories, you'd know I wasn't drunk or stone sober, but yeah. He called me and told me. He's like, I see you drinking, Doug. Yeah. I guess he said. Let me tell you what I love about Joey Diaz.

Yeah. He called and apologized. Because I guess I didn't notice it, but it got to get big online. He said something on my podcast, but it was clearly joking. He goes, he's like, I don't know about Bert Kreischer. He goes, I saw him walking down the street. I waved at him. He didn't wave back.

Oh, I heard that. I heard that. 100% tongue in cheek Yeah Joe you call Joey now Trust me on my children I would never lie to you About any one thing I did

Listen The last day when I Hit you up And I was like I'm for real out Yeah I swear on my children Dude

I don't lie I don't lie to my friends I believe you No one thinks you lie And here's the point You believe me what? You believe in what I believed him

and there was still a part of my brain that was like make sure just yeah I would never do that if I tell you if I tell you something

it was not it was a separate thought though it wasn't that I didn't think you were lying but I still was like my brain would not

allow me to just I know you did an extra workout you did an extra workout I You're in winner mode. You did an extra workout. I did. I saw.

And I went, I can't believe you didn't believe me. I believed you. I believed you. I was just like, you can't be so stupid. To believe him fully. Kind of. Yeah. I was like, what if... It wasn't that he was lying.

No, he sounded so sincere. There were psychological games afoot I like when Joe was like wait are you just saving up your points and not registering into the system so you can like stand back thank god you fucking idiot what did you think I was doing of course

I didn't know what to think when I spoke to you I still believed you Georgia called that morning there's two I would never I will still believe you. Georgia called that morning. There's two... I would never... No, I will never make an excuse. Georgia called that morning, and I just got out of spin class, and I was going for a 12-mile run. Oh, yeah.

In my head, I was like, I'm set. I'm putting clothes on. Georgia texted and said, daddy-daughter luncheon at... Or wherever she goes to school. Jerry's telling. Daddy-daughter luncheon at like 11. And you need to be there at 9 to help set up. And I was like, fuck.

And in my head, all I did was wantonly wanted Ari's life. Where I didn't have any responsibility. And I just was like, I texted everyone. At that moment, I was like, I'm out. I got softball practice and a luncheon. And, dude, in the middle of that luncheon, I was like, I could go for a run right now. Like, in my head. Dude, this whole thing was psychotic.

It was. It made me psychotic. Dude, honestly, I got to the point where I thought about your lives. I was like, wait a minute. I do have more fun at night, usually. But, like, daytime, I have no responsibility. And this is a lot of effort for me to get to this place and do this time yeah i don't know what you guys go through in order to feel like just take time away to do your life is very different well your kids are at school

kids are school okay that makes sense school you have this open amount of time from 7 a.m to 4 p.m or whatever it is after that if it's an unusual guest. And I just schedule everything in there. That's a lot of time, man. Yeah, but I have that time too. This thing has been nice. Not 7 a.m., though. It's 10 hours, man.

That's a lot of fucking time. Yeah, but you have a gym in your compound. Like, you can... Dude, I was jealous. George's gym is Porsche. In the back, his little treadmill. I can get jealous. Like, George's gym is Porsche. The thing about – His little treadmill. I can get here and get an hour in before a podcast.

No, you did it right, man. But I never thought of it that – I mean, I didn't build this thing so I could win a fitness challenge. Of course you did. It worked. Dude, how fucking – let's be honest here, just to entertain this thought for a second. Okay. How much of a piece of shit would you feel like if right now you were in second place? I was telling you. How upset would you be

if you were only second to any of us? I'm going to be honest. I was worried about Ari. Were you really? I was worried about him sneaking up on me. When I saw it. Yeah, because even like the 30th. In the 30th. When I said, no,

the very last day when he had a picture he said do you believe in miracles I'm like this motherfucker storing points he's found a way to combine belts he's found a way do you believe in miracles is just the last 300 point workout you'd be fired up right now about this right a little bit

I would have to be humble because here's the deal if somebody beat me, I almost killed myself. So if you beat me, what did you go through? Yeah. Yeah, I respect all of us.

What was your end score? We went through some shit. What was your final score? 11,000. 11,000 something. Isn't it crazy, too? They let us know that you finished

324th, I think. 324th in the world. But that means of registered users, 323 other people. Crushed him. Beat him. Or just beat, I mean, you know. Beat me. There's one that definitely fucking must have lit you up.

That's crazy. What was the number one? Do you know? Like 19,000? They wouldn't tell me. They wouldn't tell you? Why? The MyZones guy said that a lot of these people are fitness instructors. They're doing five, six, even seven classes a day.

Wow. Yeah, but they started sitting. There's some people out there that are in insane shape. That's amazing. People that make a living. That is amazing. Imagine teaching six spin classes a fucking day. They don't do that.

They don't do that, though. Not even the regular person does that. But could they do it if they decided to go from gym to gym? Maybe they'd have to. I don't know. Who would stop them? Who would say? Is there like a...

You know how they used to have that thing with Oxycontins in Florida where you get a subscription or prescription from one guy, they go down the road and get another guy. Then they developed a database. Do they have a database on that? On spin classes? I don't know. I want to be a spin teacher so bad. They're spinning too much. Yeah, these people are spinning their ass off. They wear that

chest strap and teach a hundred fucking spin classes a day. Should we do one more cocktail? Are we going to eat? We gotta eat after this. I'm fucking bombed. I like to drink. It's 6.20. We're good. We're fine.

Are we going to dinner? Yeah. We got plans, son. Wait, let's just all acknowledge I cannot drink for a month. Right? When we started this whole thing, everyone thought I couldn't Wait, let's just all acknowledge I cannot drink for a month, right? What do you mean?

When we started this whole thing, everyone thought I couldn't do it. Yeah, two years ago. I didn't think you could get through the month not drinking. What do you think will happen to you on your tour next year? Do you think it will go well? Jesus, I don't know. I'm saying as far as your late night stuff. I don't know.

Yeah, if you have a bus to go back to, maybe you'll not drink as much. My drinking changed a lot uh it's been three days or whatever but like just in the like things that would trigger me of like i'm in an airport i should have a cocktail yeah i can totally fly sober um i don't know man i really don't know you know me i'll be really honest listen you clearly can take a month off you can do it and you know one of the things that i i've been really wrestling with a lot lately i had this guy tyson fury do you know who he is yeah he used to be the heavyweight boxing champion of the world and he's about to fly the fight the bronze bomber right yes he's about to fight deontay Wilder. And I had him on the podcast.

He was talking about depression and all the shit that he went through. And one of the things that he said is that what pulled him out of it was Deontay Wilder said that he was finished. And he decided he was going to figure out a way to get back. So he decided to just get his fucking shit together and start. Spite. Competition. Competition. He won the world heavyweight title title beat Vladimir Klitschko

and then went into a depression it's like what now just didn't know what the fuck to do yeah just felt weird and this guy called him out years

years later drinking carrying on getting fucking crazy and then this guy says he can never come back he was like oh really

and then all of a sudden he decided to come back to prove this guy wrong yeah and now he's a sudden he decided to come back i proved this guy wrong yeah and now he's off medication it wasn't even on any medication they were trying to give him some shit he's a big fuck right isn't tyson six nine gigantic guy whoa but he said he's going to do it with goal setting he's and he seemed happy and friendly you know, he lost like a shit ton of weight. I think he lost like 100 and – wasn't it like 150 pounds or something like that? What?

Wasn't it something crazy, Jamie? Do you remember? Spike's a big motivator. It's a little bit of that, but it's also goal-setting, man. Goal-setting, yeah. This is the thing that he said that made me think about this month. This month was weird. When it was over, I was like, what the fuck

happened? I'll tell you, man, that day that I ran the 12 miles. 691 points? When you got that, it was like, fuck. It was a backbreaker. I was like, I might be done.

That was a Sunday. I got back in town Sunday. You got about to even with me, but I was like, I might be done. I thought that was Tom. I thought that was Tom. What he used to look like versus what he looks like now. Isn't that incredible? That's incredible.

That's great. 135 pounds. Wow. He was a great interview, man. I liked the way he talks. He's a great guy. But yeah, Tom, what were you saying? Just that I fucking, I thought, the whole time I would see, I would look down, see how far I ran, and I'd be like, it's 400 points.

It's not enough points. It's not enough points. Just keep running, man. Just keep running, keep running. Spite. Yeah. Yes, it's spite. Spite, spite.

And also the fear. Dude, no, no, no. The fear of loss. I wish everyone had poked at Joe a tad bit. Because to feel, to feel. I knew that was the wrong play. No, why not? Why?

Because we had a chance to beat him if he just did weights. No, no, no, no, no. You made him add cardio to weights. Why play a game with Joe and not feel his fury? The reason you play a game is to win. You don't play to win.

Dude, I looked at it as a win-win situation. What? Ari's too smart. Every word that comes out of his mouth I have to analyze. There's not a part of you that wants to just, like... He's too slippery. He starts talking to me, like, hey, you should just try to lift weights and see what your score is. Yeah, exactly.

Let's see what a regular score is. I'm like a five-year-old. You're getting his head. I don't even know what you want to win. Oh, really? Oh, is that obvious? That's so funny. I'm sorry. I'm his head. I don't even know what you want to win. That was light. Oh, really? Oh, is that obvious? That's so funny. I'm sorry.

I'm kidding. I don't even know what you want to win. Okay, Ari. I'll try it that way. I won't even try real hard. That's when I decided I was going to take you

on some thousand-point death runs. That's some shit. We're empty here, bro. Wait, are we done with booze? Oh, we've got a bunch of booze. No, try this Blanton. Try this Blanton's. Hey, is everyone as fucked up as I am? I'm pretty fucked up. Oh, are we done with booze? Oh, we've got a bunch of booze. No, try this Blanton. Try this Blantons.

Hey, is everyone as fucked up as I am? I'm pretty fucked up. Oh, yeah, we're pretty blasted. We're going to eat, right? Yeah, we're going to eat. Nice, nice, nice. Sure, son. Wait, do you have a...

No, you didn't make a reservation, did you? We got a problem. Oh, shit. All right. Yeah, bitch. Oh, shit. All right. Shit.

Oh, shit, son. All right. I ain't pregnant. Who asked? Bert. Bert. Bert did. Who asked? Bert. Bert. Yes, I did. Also, by the way, notable for this podcast this year,

Tom pointed out how Bert pledged those $10,000 to those kids. Fuck off. Did you fucking? No, can you just change up? Let's set this up. Let's set it up correctly. Let's set it up. The people raised the money.

Let's set it up correctly. Please, please. What happened was this. I, you and I were joking about a marathon and whatever. Marathon versus skate marathon. Nothing. Yes. Then I booked, you mentioned, nothing of this ever again.

A joking. Yes. Okay. Then I booked a movie. Yes. It got canceled in Australia again. I went to Atlanta to shoot a movie. Yes. Canceled in Australia again. They don't trust you. They should never trust you.

I went to Atlanta to shoot the movie. He canceled Australia like the second time. All right. He doesn't care about them. I mean, clearly he doesn't care about them. He's canceled on us so much. He had one first class ticket to Australia on UFC. And now he's like, I'm not interested.

We waited a world tour. They blew him. I don't like us, you cunt. Twice in a row. I love Australia. I've been there many times. You fucking bogus. Go put on your fucking Oakleys and kill yourselves.

Dog cunts. Now, I went to shoot the movie. Yeah. With Eliza. While I'm in Atlanta shooting this movie this fucking guy's like I'm at the starting line where's Tom he knows where I'm fucking at he's like you're in Atlanta

you're in Atlanta he changed the rules but he's tweeting out Tom's a no show he's supposed to be here I didn't say that you motherfucker you sure did no the night before I posted a video I said hey guys I'm sorry.

Tommy's not going to. Wow. That's some, like, government subject. You said he was going to do something he's never intended to do. I didn't know you'd notice. That's fake news. Oh, really? Are we talking about fake news in this fucking room?

For sure. Here's what happened. I called Bert. I'm like, I'm getting a fucking lot of messages. And it's all people that are like, you're quitting. You're welching on this bet. And I go, you motherfucker. Sucks to be called a welcher.

He goes, yeah, yeah. I'm just fucking around. He goes, hey, to make it up to you, if I finish this thing, I'll donate $10,000 to Children's Hospital. I've never said that. No, I've Children's Hospital. I've never said that. I've never said that in my entire life. Joe E's never, I've never said this in my entire life. Wait, you heard him say that though. He goes, I will donate

$10,000. And he cited Ari's father. He goes, if I don't beat Ari's father's time, I'll donate $20,000. By the way, my father just ran the Marine Corps Marathon again last Sunday at 81 years old. 81. Mr. Shafir.

Yes. Very good. That's great. Yes. Yeah, I never said that. Okay, so he said that. Right. And then he bailed on those kids. Bailed on the kids. Finished the marathon. And you, I have to celebrate, you took it upon yourself to get the money that already pledged

or that that burt pledged to those sick kids you you started fat burt wants six children to die and you were able to raise eleven thousand two hundred seventy dollars for children's hospital of los angeles i believe yeah la children's hospital of Los Angeles. The GoFundMe.com slash Evil Bert was very successful. And during this month, we finally filled it out. And I was able to, because you called to my attention, Tom.

Yes, I did. Because you called an injustice to my attention. A lot of the kids died waiting for those. For Bert's money. Yeah, for Bert's money. Jesus Christ.

They actually, at the cemetery there, they have a Bert's kids plot. And it's all kids that died under that time. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's amazing.

And that's all right. So we got the money for them. None of this is real. Well done. Thanks, man. Very nice of you. Oh, my God. None of this is real.

Oh, my God. Bert's Kids plot. My mom asked me about it. I was like, yeah. And she goes, can you tell Bert that he sucks? My Orthodox Jewish mom said, I think he sucks. I was like, Mom, no, it's not like what you think. She goes, tell him, I think he sucks.

How about your pop son? How many times has your pop son done this thing? He said, he thinks, without really thinking hard, 10 marathons, three Boston, and seven Marine Corps. Good for him, man. Last one was at 81. First one was like 60. I thought you were going to run it with him. No, but he was.

By the way, when you mentioned it, I was looking at the numbers. I was like, these are about to jump. Ari just ran a marathon with his dad. That's what I thought. I really did. I was like, he just did. And I was looking at that screen like, this is about to jump to like 19,000. I posted it on the day.

I really thought it was going to happen. The day me and my dad teamed up for 32 miles. He texted about his dad, and I was like, your dad did it? Did you do it? And it took me an hour to believe that you didn't do it. Did you guys at any point wonder whether or not your body was going to hold up? Towards the end, it wasn't holding up. I could do like 30 minutes, and I was like, I got to slow down.

I can't. I never felt as weak as the last day at night. I actually had spoken to you. I had spoken to you. And the last person I spoke to was Ari. And he goes, if you're going to do it, will you just sync up so I'll know where you're at? And I was like, yeah. And then I go, I'm not doing 700 right now.

That's how much I spaced myself. I flew, by the way. I didn't tell you. I traveled on the last day. Oh, really? So I flew to the East Coast. So I lost all – but still, when I got there, I was so exhausted that I was like – at first, I was like, I'll do 500 points right now.

You asked me, too. Like, do you think I should work out? I'm like, if I have – from my point of view, no. But from your point of view, you should separate yourself a little more from Bert. And exactly. And then when I got to like 250, I actually go could I go longer yes could I get to Ari there's I'll go I just feel like I'm gonna die right now you know I feel I feel almost sick so I was like if I am I gonna do another few hours until the cutoff I was like there's no way but wasn't there a part of it in

and that I'll say that when you woke up in the morning, you were like, this is unquestionable. I can do this. What do you mean? The morning of October 23rd? Every day we did this, there was a part of you that was like, I can work out one more time. I can work out. I did. I did think

I was, I really did honestly think I was out when I texted you. You got sick. Yeah, I was like, I'm out. There's no way. When I did 43 points. Oh, that made me so happy. That made me so happy. You have no idea. I was done.

I got to breathe. Can I tell you, last year, me and Tom, day one of Sober October, it was mostly about the sobriety and less about yoga. Tom and I were texting like, should we just drink the entire time and not tell them? And we were both like, yeah, I don't think we,

either one of us fully trusted each other not to rat on the other. But it would have been like, let's just drink the whole time and then be like, yeah, we never even started that. It would be funny.

Dude, I was terrified there would be one prank coming my way. You know, when we were in the parking lot after yoga class, you were like, let's get blood tests.

For R.E. Day? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you freaked class, you were like, let's get blood tests. For R.E. Day? Yeah. Hey. You freaked out. I was like, really? What was the story about? You don't trust us? Somebody said, wait, did you have to get-

Ren and ZZ wanted R.E. to do- I got a Lamborghini last year. Yeah, you got a Lamborghini. That best part. Rented Lamborghini. I don't even know if we said this last year, but since I had told him because I ran into him the night before, the next day when we were going to the 15th class, my phone rings and it's Joe. And he goes, are you in a white Lamborghini?

And I go, yeah. And he goes, yeah, you're right in front of me. And he goes, since you told me you got a Lamborghini, I assumed that this fucking ridiculous Lamborghini was yours. So then I pulled in and we looked for a place to park. And I was like, he's like, nobody's going to fuck with this thing, man. And then. That's so dope. But the whole, it was so great.

The best part of this whole thing was like a day after I had told Bert that it was a joke. He called me and he goes, I did look at motorcycles. I looked at motorcycles because I thought you got a treat. I'm having a sellout. I got a Lamborghini. Dude, I'm still like that. I want a treat, too.

I want a treat. I want a treat. Do you understand how crazy it is? You rented a Lamborghini just to fuck with Bert? Oh, my God. It was great. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

You know who fucked? You almost fucked it up. Oh, my God. Because you go, look at the registration. You said that. And I go, look at it. I told you that. I go, fucking look at it.

Look at it. We're doing yoga in the parking lot. I'm at UMD shorts. We're dancing. in the parking lot. I'm at UMD shorts. We're doing dancing. Oh, look at... Oh, God. Look at that gross body I had that was still far better than either of yours. So much better.

I still want a little... How long do you think you can surf? No, but my girlfriend was like, with my body, she's like, oh. Wait, let's put a legit... How long do you think you can surf in a month? Standing on a board. Yeah, how much time? Wow, that's put a legit. How long do you think you can surf in a month? Standing on a board. Yeah, how much time? Wow, that's a great question.

Over 31 days. You have to catch long waves. Well, even more so. Wait. Your feet get tired. Here's the thing. We always know that we end up doing the running order. There's no punishment.

I'm not trying to fucking run up on you, but there's no punishment this year, right? For coming in last? No. Yeah. So next year, it's the same thing. I think there should be. Wait. Hold on.

No, no, no. I don't want it to win. You all want it to win. Who gives a shit? Nobody has to lose. The belt is pretty solid. I'm just saying this. I'm saying this.

We should do something to celebrate. And I'm just saying, forget about winning and losing. For someone who came in second, number one in non-asterics, I would say. Do you know what he just said to you? Non-asterics? He said you do steroids. I do. I do testosterone.

I would say. I should have a full Jose Canseco Wikipedia. I would say that my vote should carry some extra weight. And I'm saying, I would really like to go to Chiang Mai, Thailand to watch some fucking kickboxing. I think that would be a fun... He just wants to get away

from America. Absolutely, but I think it would be a fun thing we could do where you would all enjoy your type of thing also. We don't stay in a hostel. We stay in a hotel, sure.

And just do that. Smoke some cigars. Get drunk on beer. I think my vote as number two should carry a little weight, but please take some time and think about it. I'd like to do that. I'd do something like that.

I have no problem with that. Wait, so does this year's loss count? I owe everyone something. At least pay for the first round of Chang's. No, no, no, no, no. How much piss do you think you can drink? Drink that piss.

Drink that piss. I won't drink that piss. I gotta pee real bad. Kombucha. Go pee, go pee. No, no, no. I mean, do you pee right here for you? Yeah, pee.

You'll drink it? Burt. Drink it. Drink it. Did you chug Ari's full kombucha of piss? Burt, wait, wait. Burt's gonna chug Tom. Burt's gonna chug Tom. Did you chug Ari's full kombucha of piss? Burt, wait, wait. Burt's going to drink Tom's. No, I'm not drinking Ari's piss.

Okay. Just questioning. I'm drinking the Tom's. Would you really piss in it? No, I'm not drinking piss, guys. Any of these things need to be. Let's agree. I agree with Burt.

But did you say? No drinking piss. No drinking piss. We don't have to do this. Listen, I need to give a treat to the team. I lost. I lost. And I don't know what that treat will be, but it should be a treat.

You don't have to do shit, but here's the thing. I know that you guys say that. Pay for the hotel in Chiang Mai. It'll cost you $700 for four days for each one of us to have a room. Or we can get a giant place. Whatever we decide to do, I'm going to definitely be a part of that treat that impresses you guys. Let's do four round trip first class tickets and and ten for fans that listen and then you buy those This right now if we do we do Madison Square Garden some cow so I'll pay for the private jet to take us all to fucking

New York This private jet aesthetic is troubling. You guys are so You're such trash. What a fucking horrible, wasteful thing to get. What? What? What? Book Madison Square Garden. I'll pay for the private jet to get us there. Go drain your dragon, son. I'll pay for the private jet to get us there.

I'll meet you guys at JFK. Honestly, just the three of us, how surprising was this month? Hardcore. For me, it was very, very surprising. What was surprising to you, though? Where it went. It went so competitive. It went so competitive. Nobody ever separated themselves

fully, except you. But even with you, it was still like, I could maybe catch him if he stops. Like, when you went on that hunting trip, when you said, I'm not going to be able to work out for the next five days, we were all like, oh, we got a chance to catch Rogan and pass him. And then when you worked out on the trip, we're like, oh, that's where we were all like, oh, we got a chance to catch Rogan and pass him. And then when you worked out

on the trip, we're like, oh, that's where we were fucked. But it was surprising that we kept fighting the whole way. It was unrelenting. It wasn't anything

I could relax. No, never. Because there was one time that I went to Vegas for the UFC. I took three days off and I came back and I was in last place

and I was like, whoa. And then Bert, you helped me there, too, because you tweeted that. Bert, you fucking... You tweeted that I was in last place. And you even posted the numbers on Instagram. And I was like, okay. So that really motivated you? A hundred percent.

Stupid. Here's why. Here's why, silly boy. I get motivated by everything that can be a motivator. I don't let something not motivate me why would i do that so i say anything i do not know who you are if you say anything i'm like oh okay okay no matter what you say one of my favorite things i never i never hear what you say and say well bert's a great guy and, and I know he's just joking around

and doing this for publicity. I'm like, I can do that later. That doesn't help me right now. Right now it helps me if you tell me that you're going to beat me. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's going to – okay, here we go. I did a cruise at the beginning of this month with Bobby Kelly, and I told him about this right when the whole thing started. I'm looking at everyone's numbers for the first time.

And I said, yeah, Rogan's in it. I'm taunting him. And Bobby goes, why would you ever do that? I go, it's Joe, man. And he goes, no, I don't think you know Joe. I go, no, I definitely know Joe. He goes, never taunt him. And then halfway through that cruise, I was like, I think I fucked up, man.

He told you. He told you. So stupid. Dude. It was a good month, though. It was a good month. Like, would it not? I got it.

I went down to 175. Honestly, be real. First time in like 10 years to 175. Would it have been cooler if I had just been like super cunty and respectful? Yeah, it would have been cooler if one of us could have won. Dude, I like the fucking gameplay. I like the Connor bullshit of like, talk shit, man.

Be as loud as you can be. Dude, you came in last. You've got to support my fucking Chiang Mai idea. I'm in. You came in dead last. You've got to support it. I'm in. I'm in.

I was trying to go to Asia. Joe, you like those kickboxing fights. I love them. Let's go. I love... Listen, I even did some commentary for kickboxing in California. Really? For Muay Thai, yeah.

Way back before UFC. Before I ever did UFC commentary, I did commentary for Muay Thai. Guys, we can rent motorbikes. I can take you to some cool places. Let's do it. Yeah, man. You're the only wild card, Tom. Why am I the wild card?

I don't know. You don't seem like you would go to a place. I would go. Really? For a short-term trip? Yeah, we're good. March, Tom. Why am I the wild card? I don't know. You don't seem like you would go to a place. I would go. Really? For a short-term trip? Yeah, we're good. March, April. Yeah, Monday through Friday.

I'm free on there. How long do you guys think you could surf for in a whole month? This is for our competition next year. How much time? Hey, someone get Kelly Slater on the phone, and let's find out how long it is. It sounds respectful. I don't want to throw out big numbers right now, but I'm thinking four days. Sebastian, in like God.

Four days. Four days. What's up? Let's talk. Four days, bro. Four days. I don't think it's possible to stay in one of those things for too long. Are you interested even in surfing?

No. Never have been. Scared of sharks. That's why we go to Kelly Slater's wave pool. That is the reason why Kelly Slater's wave pool. And by the way, Joe, Joe. Fucking terrifying. How cool does this make this?

Joe hates all monsters. That we can all go. Monst by the way, Joe, Joe. I'm fucking terrified. How cool does this make this? Joe hates all monsters. That we can all go. Monsters are bad, right? That's all he thinks about. We can all go and surf together like we did with the hot yoga, but we're all trying to catch better waves. Monsters are real. We would have to enlist in Kelly Slater's surf camp for whatever the fuck this is.

No, no, bro, bro, bro. We got this. We got this. I like this. You guys are idiots. I can spend five days on a surfboard. Don't you have lives? 750. I do have a life, but to be honest, I like putting you guys are idiots I can spend five days on a surfboard don't you have lives 750 I do have a life

but I to be honest I like putting it aside every October this is the fun it's so scary doing my challenge to you what's your challenge

get off social media for a fucking it's not a bad scare that's stupid we all just some of us gotta sell tickets for a body shots world tour no no

yeah Ari you know what you can do you can agree to stay off social media and if you have anything I just got to sell tickets for a Body Shots World Tour. No, no. Yeah, Ari. You know what you can do? You can agree to stay off social media, and if you have anything you have to post about something, you send it to some sort of a manager. Yeah, send it to them. Email to them and say, send this up for me.

I'm still going to shoot it. They put it up for you? They put it up for you? Yeah. You could do that. Do you do that thing? Yeah. You send it to people to send it for you? Email it, say, hey, send this tomorrow or send this today as soon as you can.

If it's after 10 p.m., wait until tomorrow. It's a good move. And then you don't check it? It's not the only move. It's not the only move, but it's a good move. I think it's not just a good move for us. It's a good move for everybody. Take yourself off that shit.

Limit the amount of variables you have to process because if you don't, you won't process them correctly. So you'll be dealing with a bunch of information. Some of it you'll get right and some of it you'll get wrong. But you never know what the real balance is because too much of it is coming at you all the time. All the time. You can't stop and think for a second. Yeah.

You love it. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Bert, this is your wheelhouse. Dude, let me tell you something. The same thing could be argued about podcasting. People go, hey, we're talking too much.

We shouldn't be talking this much. But it's something that our fans dig and I dig. This doesn't affect your own psyche. This shit gets you in mind and you start getting angry about something no one else cares about. You could very easily say, don't read comments, don't look at likes, don't look at any of that shit.

That could be argued. I would... Too many people dig it to not... to walk away from it. In my opinion, and I know I dig it. There's no need to walk away. I think Ari's saying more like breaks. Take a break.

If you guys could totally deal with a month off of all that shit, you more than anybody, and then you, and then you, of just like not being on that, not letting it affect your opinion, just walk outside and view the world for what it is, for a month, it wouldn't kill you. No, I agree.

But you could get your business shit part done just by emailing and saying, post this for me, and then never looking at it. No, I agree. But you could get your business shit part done just by emailing, saying post this for me and then never looking at it. I don't know. I'd argue against it. Well, you could do that. No, I definitely could not. And I don't want to.

It's different. Dude, I dig listening to you talk to Kelly Slater. I thought that gives me joy. You can go on podcasts. No, no, no. You're talking about getting away from your fucking phone. That's all of it. How would I know Joe had Kelly Slater. That gives me joy. You can go on podcasts. No, no, no. You're talking about getting away from your fucking phone. That's all of it.

How would I know Joe had Kelly Slater on? We're talking about all of it. He's talking about social media. Yeah, but I would say probably the best way is to get a flip phone for a month. Twitter.

Yeah, if you can get off all social media for a month, that would help you a lot. There was never a moment where I thought that you guys were cheating. Like you really didn't do 15 yoga classes. Oh, right. No, no, no. I never thought that. Or even this. Like you really didn't do 15 yoga classes.

Oh, right. No, no, no. I never thought that. Or even this month. I was like, you know, the worst case scenario would be somebody

would be holding back where they weren't releasing information. Yeah, negotia the system. But, I had already prepared for that.

You got so far ahead. I wanted to save up for like seven days. I couldn't trust that MyZone thing. It said 13 hours. Was it real 13 hours? It lost a good 40 minutes one time. I think you're looking at social media

in a bad way. Overall, it shifts your views to the negative. You're right. You're right about that, but overall. What you need to do is shift that and go what are my positives? What are my negatives? It's the same as a podcast, man. There's no difference

in Instagram and a podcast. There's no difference. Why? Because it's information, man. It's sharing cool shit. No, but it's what you're looking at. No, but I feel like sometimes you haven't been the fan

that maybe the outsider has. The person listening to this right now goes, dude, I like when you do Instagrams. That Instagram you did about you eating drugs and smoking and drinking, it made me giggle. That's my assistant to post for me.

We all agree. But I don't have to be there looking at the responses minute by minute. We're all agreeing on that. You're saying get off your phone, get off social media, get off all of it. Yeah, but he's only saying that because of the impulse to look at the responses and to engage.

No, I agree. I agree. To hear somebody going, like Joe List said, he brought a response to something I did. Maybe even that video. He's going, oh, you should probably kill yourself. And he said it. 168 likes. A lot of likes for a comment.

And then he said some people are like, how dare you? You don't know that guy? And he's like, I'll just delete it. It's like, ugh. We're having a good time. Fuck. you're bringing it down because of responses on fucking instagram dude that what did that whole it's that that whole thing fuck i've dude i have people just block people yeah well you know there's a lot of just gets in your mind folks out there they just don't they don't feel good and they want you to feel shitty, too.

Even if they're right about some things, the way they address it is what the problem is. They're blurting out and oozing anger in disproportionate amounts, and it affects everybody around them, and it affects all of us. Yeah, there's that, and there's also just the amount of time. Tom, you saw me. You said, let me just try to wake my kids up before I check my internet or whatever. Exactly. It's like just the amount of time you're spending on it. It's too much.

It might do you good to see what it's like for a month off it to where you're like, oh, I actually have a lot of time in my day. It's overall positive to do it the way you're describing. I do think that it definitely, for sure, plays a part in our business. Yeah, you need it for certain things. But you could do the thing where you go send it to somebody. Yeah, like let me find a way. Every time I think, well, I need it for this. Okay, but is there a way around that?

I don't know. Just when I see something, I make my life less happy. Let me try to think about it at least. There's something to that, but then there's also people that make your life happier. There's a lot of really hilarious shit online. Adam Green Tree. Adam Green Tree, man.

Fuck everything you're saying right now. I like watching his life. That's great. Dude, I'm just... I'm just... Cam Newton, man. He does those running videos

next to the car, and I go, I gotta get out there and do something. You mean Cameron Hayes or Cam Newton? God damn it, man. Cam Newton for the Panthers?

I'm fucking hammered. The quarterback for the... Panthers? Cameron Hayes or Cam Newton? God damn it, man. Cam Newton for the Panthers? I'm fucking hammered. The quarterback for the Panthers? Cam Haynes. The fucking lead singer of Steel Panthers? Yeah, Cam Newton runs by his car with his hat on. What the fuck are you saying, Bert Kreischer? I am fucking hammered, man. Shout out to Cam. Shout out to Cam

both. Newton and Haynes. And Haynes. Hollow. Hashtag keep hammering. What's up, bro? What's up, bro? I can't believe we did this much working out, you guys. That's fucking nuts. That's nuts. And think about how much more weight we're carrying than you.

Seriously. Yeah. Yeah, right? That's what I think with Bert was like, oh, Ari's heart rate must be going up because he doesn't work out. It's like, could be. Could be. It could also be that you're lifting 70 pounds more than me

with every step you take. That's a possibility to think about. That's my impression of Ari. Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup. Anyway, you guys are all correct. Yes, sir. You guys are so much more. You wrestle with Ari, he's going to try to kill you.

But we all did it. Who do you think could tap out someone first? And I have no training. Well, Ari definitely has the most training in Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, if you could get on top of me, you could do something to me, but if I could stop you from doing that, I would for sure beat you. Ari understands what's happening.

You wouldn't know what to defend. I've seen him choke people. Exactly. Do you think that's the case? Dude, next year. Let's promote. I don't know. Let's promote. Let's go to Abu Dhabi

and go to the fucking world. Let's do the surf thing. We gotta cut. We gotta cut. In my opinion, can I just say, we need to cut the surf contest in half.

We should do it six months from now because you know Kelly Slater can get this lined up and the weather will be perfect. When? In six months from now.

Wait, wait, wait. Kelly Slater, when we suck so hard we've never surfed once. Nah, he would not want anything to do with us. Kelly Slater's doing this. Why the fuck are we getting

Kelly Slater? Or Florida. I know, I have no interest in this whatsoever. Let's do this. Wait, let's do this surfing. Oh, yes, you do.

Wait, wait, wait. Kelly Slater. On top of this, let's do... Why would he help you, Bert? He's busy! Will you do one round MMA like UFC

Rules fight against Ari No no no I would never do that You said I'm down No no no I want fun competition That is fine You can't There can be no hitting

There can be no hitting. Okay? There can be no hitting. Yeah. Here's the problem. You can choke each other if you want to choke each other. The problem with hitting is that shit is permanent. The damage is real. All right, fine.

Especially when you're in your 40s. You don't want to be getting punched in the face by one of your best friends. He knocks you unconscious. We should do an Olympiata. Surfing? Olympiata. How do you surf for real? Six foot. What, Jamie? Combatiata. Surfing? Olympiata. How old did you turn for real? Six months. What, Jamie? Combat jiu-jitsu. No, don't hit each

other. I'm telling you. Six months. How old did you turn for real? 46. For real? 53. For real? No, for real. Tell them the real age. Wikipedia age. No, what's the real age?

Come on, tell them the real age. Wikipedia age. No, what's the real age? Come on, tell them the real age. Brad, come on. I'm 46. Come on. I'm 46. I'm 46. I'm 46. I'm 46.

I'm 46. I'm 46. I'm 46. I'm 46. I'm 46. I'm 46. When your brother was in the Vietnam War, was it hard at home? Was it hard for everybody?

You're from real age, though. I swear to God. When Truman went on TV and said what he said, did your whole family freak out or no? It was 51. Now, back when Kennedy was assassinated, did you know that it would be a big moment? Oh, fake media, man. I'm 47. You're 47 years old.

I'm 46. Fake media. I'm 46. I'm 46. 53 is amazing. I thought you were younger than me. We got to get you off that fucking crazy medication. Joe said you were 41.

I'm not 41. Yeah, I know. He's 85 years old. Joe's like, the bar is 41. I know this. That's what it says on his myosomes. I'm not getting off my blood pressure medication. I don't want to have a stroke.

His myosomes says 85. Why? Don't have a stroke? No, I know. I'm going to stay on my blood pressure medication until the doctor says to get off it. Okay. The doctor probably tells you to get off that. Ask the doctor, is there a path off this? Should I be going on? I've got to lose weight.

How much? I'd probably have to get to 205. Fuck. To get off my blood pressure medicine. I think, right? What are you on now? 225? No, no. I was 228 at the end of the contest. I'm probably, no joke, I'm probably 235, I'm guessing.

You can get down to 205. What were you at the end of the weight loss challenge? Weight loss, two, I don't know. I don't really remember, to be honest with you. 222, I think. Jamie, pull that up. Less than that. Tommy, what were you, buddy?

I think that. It was 213. No, no, no. No. The final weigh-in score was 216 to 219. The second day. Wait, can I ask you right now, Tom? What are you at right now?

Because you don't look like you put it back on after the fucking U.S. borders. Oh, are you being serious? Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever, whatever. Wait, first of all, don't forget this. Don't forget this. Okay. The weigh-in was with a dramatic, for non-professionals, dramatic water cut.

Okay? True dramatic. Fuck yeah, man. I know. So we basically, you can throw on 10 pounds. That's why I wanted two days in a row, not just one day. I know. professionals, dramatic water cut. Fuck yeah, man. So we basically, you can throw on 10 pounds. That's why I wanted two days in a row, not just one day. I know, but you can throw on 10 pounds essentially to what we weighed in at as our real weight.

Jesus. Oh my God, this is so preposterous. How fucking crazy. Here's the thing we did last year, or the year before, with this challenge and with this one. We didn't really take into account our own personal health. Yeah, good point. That's not so we could do it.

I'm going to be really honest. I had phantom pains in my kidneys. I was worried. On this one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The last day. Like the last few days. I did like somewhere in the range of 535 points.

You were worried if I'd be tapping you? 100%. You're sneaky. I love that. You're sneaky. That's respect, bro. Slippery Jew. That's respect.

And even if you couldn't, I would think about that the same way. I really thought Burt was actually trying to double me. Same feeling. I can't believe you really thought that. I don't care. You don't understand. I don't care if it's real. Can't let thought that. I don't care if it's real. I don't care if it's real.

It's just you said it. Even if you don't believe it, it doesn't matter. It doesn't help me to think that you don't believe it. It helps me to think that I believe it. It helps me to think that you're trying to double my score. And I'm like, we're going to the dark lands.

Yeah. We're going dark, Bert're going to the Darklands. Yeah. We're going Darkbert Kreischer. But to answer your question, I think we put on our water weight, and I think I only gained a few pounds on top of that. After October 30th. You have stayed almost entirely consistent. No, that's a lie. That's a hard lie.

No, I've seen him. Wait, you think you're 216 right now? No. Stand up. Hold on, hold on. No, no, no. What I said was, to be fair. That's what Joe said.

I'm telling you. What I said was that we probably gained 10 pounds back from the water cut. I agree with that. So 216 would put me at 226. I said I probably gained a few pounds on top of that. I would say right now, if anything, you're 230. Just regular. Listen, I love you.

You're an awesome person. Thank you. But the only reason why you're pushing back against this is because you're concerned that it's going to sweep back on you having gained more weight. No. It sweeps on me regardless. It sweeps on me regardless. Like a wave.

What's he doing? At a beach. He's got to piss, man. Leave him alone. Family's in the? At a beach. He's got to piss, man. Leave him alone. Family's in the Holocaust. Thank you. Thank you. Social justice warrior, Joe Rogan.

He's pissing in the cup. The wave, like this, Bert, comes back. Just remember that Bert came in last, sorry. You can't tell people. You can't give people motivation. You don't understand. I don't need it to be real. I heard it.

I'll decide it's real. I'll just decide it's real. That's what you have to understand. Bert, you came in last. Mickey Mantle Gene, you came in fucking last. Mickey Mantle Gene is real. Mickey Mantle Gene is real. Mickey Mantle Gene and Frank Gene. Barry Bond Gene. gene you came in fucking last yeah mickey manuel gene mickey manuel gene and frank gene tell him

tell him about me for real the mickey manuel gene shut the fuck up and listen okay i think the mickey manuel gene thank you he didn't say anything hold on so i want to say this to the sandy kofax gene i want to say yeah that the mickey manuel gene oh my gene is real not because of this. It's because the Mickey Mantle gene is that this crazy son of a bitch could go out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night till 3 in the morning with fucking, you know, 180,000 beers. And then Sunday he'd be like, let's do a show. Time to work out. Fucking fine. That's the Mickey Mantle gene. True. Not this shit. Yeah. Sunday he'd be like let's do a show I'm gonna work out fucking fine that's

the Mickey Mantle gene true not this shit yeah that's a lot of piss I think he's confused about piss

what it tastes like when you chug chug it down you're gonna drink that through his straw no I'm not drinking that you gotta chug it no but Tom's right

you gotta swallow the ice cubes and then that's all that we need to know why do we that's all we need to know I did more workouts than you. When doing the same workout as you was worth less points than you,

that means I did far more workouts than you. Bro. He didn't work out at all for 10 years. It's hard to fuck with that. But I did the same workout as you, and then I was, after doing the same workout with you, I was down 50 points from where I started with you. That's true.

What we're missing is what Tom's saying, is that if we all had partied at the same level every night and then tried to work out. Dude, you're definitely ahead on that. You're definitely ahead on that. Yep. Dude, the feeling that I got when the molly kicked in at fucking whatever time, Wednesday night, Halloween night, was just like, this is done. Done.

It felt so good. It felt so good. I woke up the next morning. My ankles hurt when I got out of bed. My knees were all stiff and sore. There was something going on with one of the muscles in my calf. I was walking. I take

a piss. I was like, what happened? What did we do? When I was walking around with my kids on Halloween doing the trick-or-treating deal, I was thinking to myself, thank God it's over. What were we doing? We all went crazy.

I showed up at this comedy cellar and put on my shirt, undid my thing, and Liz was like, what are you doing? I was like, I had to run here because I'm in this constant challenge with my friends, so I had to run across town to my comedy spot instead of just walking or taking a cab.

But wasn't it cool to the other people go, other people go like, hey man, why are you going to the gym right now twice? And then to go, oh, I kind of liked it and I know I might be the only one, but I'd like that I'm going to fight with my friends. And then going in and people going like, you got this, Bert. Like show them you see so many people knew all you dummies and said you got this Bert thank you I was more angry about you people right Bert to win I was like oh great I

am the last day so many people on the last day what I let down so many people the second the last fuck those people the On the last day. You what? I let down so many people. The second to last day. Fuck those people. The second to last day. No, they're dreamers. They're dreamers. They're dreamers and they're schemers. They're dreamers and they believe in God. The ones who cheered for you?

Dude, I would jog down Lower Canyon and I'd hear people in their truck. You got this, Bert. No, I got that. Fuck Joe Rogan. You're wrong. I should have died in that fucking truck. Dude, and how many, wait, hold on one second. My buddy Eric Ruge can tell you, I went hiking in Runyon Canyon, and two guys were like,

hey man, you got this, Bert. And I was like, in my head, the competition was already over. I was like, Joe's already beat me really bad, guys. What did you think? So what was the final? The final was you got 11,000 something. You got just over 9,000. I got 10,016.

I went until I got right over 10,000. I was like, I'm done. So he beat you just over 1,000 something. You got just over 9,000. I got 10,016. I went until I got right over 10,000. He beat you just over 1,000, basically? Yeah, to 1,100, 1,200, something like that. But getting 10,000 to me was like another one where it's like, let's aim for a line. No, that's a good. I think I can get there. That's a good line, man. That's a good line.

11,253. 11,253. Good for you, man. Just to put that in perspective. Segura, 9,533. Three for you, man. Just to put that in perspective, Segura 9533. Three workouts ahead of Tommy. But the fact that we were amongst literally the tiniest percentage

of all the people using these goddamn things. Dude, me and Bert at a legit gym. Where's ours? Snap Fitness in Shawnee, Kansas. You were crushing it. I came in first and third. And you beat a fitness instructor who's giving classes. Yeah.

Killer. I don't understand. It is insane. Killer and Shawnee. All of us literally lost our fucking minds. We lost our minds. We went crazy. I like it.

No, I like it too. We're going to surf next year. I'm into surfing. Listen, I'm surf till you die. You're all going to die out there. That's what I'm talking about. Bro, we can all come out and surf. I'm into surfing. Listen, I'm a surf-dee-die. You're all going to die out there. That's what I'm talking about. Bro, we can all come out with our own surf pants. I'm going to surf in cheap.

The stuff that keeps your ankle together just breaks. Sharks are everywhere, dog. Sharks are everywhere. That stuff that keeps your ankle from moving around, that shit's just going to break. Tiger sharks. How long are you going to stay on that surfboard? Nurse sharks. How long?

Shout out to Kelly Slater. How long you got in you? Kelly, be my coach. Kelly's going Shout out to Kelly Slater. How long you got in ya? Kelly be my coach! Kelly's gonna pick me. No way! He was on my podcast! Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Shane Dorian's a good friend of mine. Sebastian Inlet, bro, don't forget. Fuck both of you. I'm going

Brad Gerlach then, fine, fuck it. Who's that guy? Trust me, I'm a big fan of surfers. I just can't surf. How about that Joel Tudor guy? That guy's a jiu-jitsu black belt. Watch, Ari will show the master surfer I actually think Kelly Slater is a pussy and I don't want Never risen the top of your potential. I have no interest in you as a coach I have no interest in you as a coach. I'm looking for success not for what has been

I'm looking for the top not for what has been. I'm looking for the top. If you can help me, not this Kelly Slater garbage. Don't be wrong! How dare you? I'm looking for the win. Who wants to join on for what is

today? Ari's like that guy that criticizes a girl's weight so that he can start dating her. Yeah. So it gets under her skin. That's right. He's nagging, bro. I like fat bitches.

Who wants in? Kelly, don't fall for it, man. Don't fall for it, bro. Indian River County, what's up? Let's hang out. Kelly, go with one of these losers. Fucking I'll take your brother. Evan, what's up, brother?

If you really had to be honest, being scientific about it, how much time your brother. Evan, what's up, brother? If you really had to be honest, being scientific about it, how much time do you think you could spend on a surfboard in a day? I got this. Easy. 31 days.

Easy. In one month. In one month. Think of 30, even amount. 31 days. Yeah. If I did the math right, and we did a work the system thing, definitely seven days. Seven full days of it?

Seven full days. 24 hours a day. It would take a lot of work to get to different places. Okay, just so you know what you're talking about. Just so you know what you're talking about. You're talking about six hours and about 15 minutes a day on the surfboard. All right, I'm wrong. I'm wrong.

Thank you. I'm just glad I'm here to do the math. Okay. What did I say, seven? You said seven days. Four days. Okay. Four days.

Why four days? Are you talking about four? Why'd you let him tell you you got scared? Because he's not doing six hours plus a day. You hit me with some goddamn accounting logic and you panic. 96 hours? Yeah, 96 hours in one month. Hmm.

Hmm. About almost four hours a day. By the way, this is what I do is talk shit. So, like, yeah. Right. But there's no consequences for you talking shit. Do you feel bad about that? The only consequence is coming in last.

Put him in. I have no problem putting him in. Wait, is Bert buying dinner? Okay. Does it feel weird? I shit by dinner. You shit by dinner. You came in last.

I can't believe you came in last, man. Yeah, but that's what I do. That's what I do. I was so worried about coming in last. I came in second. Because you're afraid of consequences. I like to live loud. That's the difference between all of us, is that when we're in a liquor store in Atlanta

and Prince starts playing, Both of you fucking cunts hide in the corner until Bert makes it big. And then when Bert makes it big, we all like to make it big. We all start dancing. Tom never liked it big. I was forced into making it big

for a short amount of time. You loved it big and you loved it big. We all loved it big. What did we love big? What? What? When we did the video

when we were all partying in Atlanta and Prince came on. But only you do that. We did that because we're like, you seem to like this. I'll let me join in for like 10 seconds of dance. It's fun. It's fun. Listen.

I would never do that. You need a guy like me in your life. I need you in my life. I need all of you in my life. You definitely changed the tone. You really do change. You do change the tone. You change the party atmosphere.

I like to get loud. I know that it does drive people nuts. But with my friends, I trust it, that it'll be fun. There's no mean-spiritedness in it. For sure, 100%. I wanted that belt so fucking bad. Yeah, you were never going to get it, though, right? Next year is surfing, man.

We didn't try it, did we? Can I try it on? Yeah, for sure. You and Bobby? Who's your coach? surfing man we didn't try it didn't we yeah for sure sure you and bobby who's your coach no i don't want it who's your coach billy billy billy gardell or uh kelly billy gardell running coach yeah i wanted that belt of course so bad so did i though unfortunately i'm fresh i joke at it unfortunately let's see so heavy so if you just could feel great do you think there was any point during the month we had a pace that you think you could have kept up or you'd been like you know hitting like those 500 point days like day after day after day after day yeah yeah yeah a lot of it's like what we already had planned for the month right yeah you know if you if you had that

you had that cruise i had this hunting trip which fortunately ended fairly early but if you were just going somewhere if you had somewhere that you had to go for 14 days and you couldn't get a workout in you were fucked. Yeah. If I had just stayed home that whole trip, it would have been a very different contest. Me too. I spent 10 days in L.A. without my gym. No, I agree.

10 days? By the way, we all experienced that. We all experienced that. I'm not using that as an excuse. Okay, okay, okay. But I'm just saying like – I accept that. I accept that.

I would have loved to have been not on a cruise. Because I got seasick working out. Also, you were with Fat Bobby Kelly as your motivation? Just Bobby Kelly. Wow. Sometimes that works. No, I thought he wanted to go by that way. Sometimes that shit works the other way. You guys worked together?

Bobby did not work out. You hung out for a week. Wait, Fat Bobby Kelly did not work out. Sorry. Me and him just smoked cigars. And by the way, that was a hindrance. That was a hindrance in me is that I'd smoked a bunch of cigars. And so then when I got back to Tampa for like one day to work out, dude, I was like, I was

coughing up. Bullshit. I smoked cigars on my way home from the Comedy Cellar. Seven nights of those that I was home of the 20. And I worked out after I came home, smoked a cigar, changed, went to work out. We're different people. So BS on you. BS on you. You have a different genetic

makeup than the Mickey guy. You are allergic to peanuts. Yeah, that's true. I got the Kelly Slater gene. That Conor McGregor gene. This is how we did it. We did it because we didn't plan on doing it. We did not plan on doing it.

When Tommy pulled up this idea, we were like, what? It's like, yeah, I wear a heart rate monitor, and it's a fitness app. And we're all like, okay. We were just looking for something to do. Quantifiable. We started out thinking it was going to be yoga again, right? I remember that it was. I would have done it.

I love yoga. I would have done it that it was the fourth and all you guys were mad at me. So mad. I was on the road. What the fuck's up with these? I don't get points for the red zone? Are you fucking kidding me?

These fucking guys are so pissed about this. We're mad at you. We're mad at anybody. This is like after 9-11. We're like, attack them. Like who? Like anybody. Whoever's brown.

Here's let me be honest. You are whoever's brown. Fuck you. I didn't read Here's let me be honest. You are whoever's brown. Fuck you. I didn't read into this stupid shit at all. So when I got the app and I put the heart rate monitor on, I'm like, well, we'll just run to the death. I was like, we're just going to run into the 90s as long as I can in the 90s. But I thought you were out.

You were so upset. I thought you were out. You were so upset when you found out you don't get more points for 90. It didn't make any sense. I'm like, you get as much points for 80% of your max heart rate as you do. Yeah, that didn't make any sense. That should be quantifiable. But Tommy nailed it. He's like, that shit would probably be like highly litigious.

Oh, yeah. There's some lawyers over at Mison that was like, you can't incentivize 90 people to go to danger no here's what's interesting about that though and this has actually changed some of my opinions on training because i've never done that where i didn't just do a lot of like really like go all outs i did this little i even slowed down the pace that i run up the hills but when i would get on the heavy bag when i would do kickboxing I had way more endurance like way more endurance and it was interesting I was like this is crazy like this is all I haven't I've been I maybe did over the course of the entire month maybe 10 kickboxing workouts but

by the end of the month the kickboxing endurance has gotten way higher well it's all just from running and from doing the elliptical machine. That was tough. From doing the rowing machine and doing all that other shit. All that other shit, it's not as exciting to do. But if you do it, it ramps up everything around you. Yeah. Running hills.

We've got to keep going. We've got to do it once or twice a week. We've got to keep going, right? We have to keep going. We've got to do it once or twice a week. We've got to keep going, right? We have to keep going. We'd be crazy not to keep working out a little bit. Yes, it's so hard to get where we're at. I was eating better. You guys were too, right?

Where you started thinking like, oh, I don't want to eat sugar now because it's going to fuck over when I do the car quest. But here's the thing, and we should all talk about this, and maybe we should have a coach come on and talk to us about, if we decide to do this again,

what are our nutritional requirements? I had one workout that was 4,700 calories. That's an insane amount of food. You know what I never got from nutritionists and people like that? Workout people are like, legit workouts you can do.

Not like, this is the best thing. It's like, alright, alright. But for my real life, I'm going to do it twice a week. What can I really do? What do I got to eat a little bit more often that would help me? Instead of like an all this diet. We all talked about this is unsustainable. Totally.

At this level? There's no way. It was my joints that I was concerned about. What if I told you you had to do 11,000 points this month, November? Hold on. What if I told you you had to do 11,000 points this month, November? No. Hold on. What if I told you I could beat you? I could do it.

You could do it. Yeah. No, I could do it. What time is it? What is it? Where are we at? No, you can do it now. Your fucking brain is broken.

Fuck yeah, I could. I could. I did 1,000 in a day. You don't think I could do it? No, not from here on. Where are we at? We're in the fifth. What's the bet?

What's the bet I'm in on this? 1,000 in a day? What's the bet? Okay, if you get there, you suck my dick like you mean it. But if you don't get there, you suck my dick like you don't care at all about it. Give me, give me, give me. What? You can do it now?

You can do what you did before, minus five days? 100%. How about this? I took three days off. No, I took four days off. I took three in another day. You don't think it would wear you before you already did the last one? Wait, hold on, Hold on one second.

I feel great right now. It's been five days of recovery. Let's do the bet right now. We get one day next week. One day. Guys, guys, I'm going to Europe. I'm doing a European tour. Who makes the most points in a day?

That's crazy. Who do you think can get the most points in a day? Well, who's gotten the most points in a day? Rogan. By the way, by the way, by the way. Segura. Nope. I'm in on this hardest.

Bert was second. How many did Bert get? 700. 740. Oh, yeah. Tom, I meant on this hardest. How many did Burt get? 740? Oh, yeah. I got last most of the day. With this much rest? Do you think you could have got 260 more points? I started losing a toenail.

It's the only reason I stopped. I've got to be honest with you. The 640-something I got on a one-off, I didn't ever sit down. I had some days where I definitely did. Let's put a bell on next week. I'm saying it's possible that I did more than that in one day with two workout days.

Outside of the shit talking, which is always fun, but here's what we should really think about. We definitely got all of ourselves into a really good level of fitness. Think about the shit we did. You ran 12 miles.

You ran 15 miles, and then you rode five kilometers. Jesus Christ. You ran a shitload. You got 700 fucking points in a day. We went crazy, boys. We went crazy. We went crazy. We achieved some very bizarre level of performance over the month

in comparison to the average person that wears these things. It's very weird. Okay. So it's not that we should pat each other on the back, but we should look at what we did and go, what happened? That was possible, like Tom's saying. That is possible. So let's stop and think about that for a second. That is possible.

Here's the other thing. It happened and I feel great. And I felt great while it was happening. I look in the other thing. It happened and I feel great. Yeah. And I felt great. I feel good. I look good. I look in the mirror and I'm like, I like that. Dude, when you were doing the rowing machine and I was getting video, I'm like, you jacked. It looked so good.

Bro, I saw that naked on stage. It's exactly right. His dick has literally 100% outreach from his pubis. Tom and I have a pushback. I really thought this was a movie montage when I watched his fucking Instagram. Yeah, I was like,

what if Ari's like, I gotta change my life, I'm going for it. He's really buying into it. He was changing his life. No, I know. I gotta work out, man. Can I work out Your fucking stupid gym For an hour or two Cause I gotta

But look at him Dude right at the end Right at the end It's the perfect Look at those abs Look at those abs It's the perfect pull On the abs

Oh yeah They never look at it As much as they get like that We'll never have abs like that Look at that You're in the fucking yellow son After the surf camp After chemo

Surf camp bro Surf camp We're gonna beat them so bad We can't go to surf camp. The rule is we don't do anything until October 1st. Me and Tom versus Joe and Ari. Damn, I like that body. Look at that fucking thing.

You jacked. You're still jacked. You haven't lost anything. You jacked, dude. Weird nipples, but yeah. A couple pounds of Mexican food, that's it. Ah, a little Mexican. It's a big deal, bro.

But here's the thing. It's not the thing, but here's a thing We pulled it off We pulled it off All of us did something we would have never expected If you asked me on our first workout Can you win a gym in Kansas? No, for sure not

You crushed them Here's what's crazy If you think about the points Four points a minute is like hustling did you see that tally you're in the tech what tally they get they send you an email of your monthly tally of all the info no no i haven't seen that wait i'll say i'll read you mine which will give you perspective on you're right about in the middle yeah so hold. All the calories you burnt. Yes. It's preposterous. Yeah.

But what's interesting is we didn't anticipate it at all. We did not anticipate this. I thought it would be like an hour or so. So 3,000, what happened to minutes? So it says for the whole month. First of all, it shows me the whole year leading up to October. Did we get a calculator? Yeah.

And then it says the 9538 MEPs, which is the measurement, right? Yeah. 3,726 minutes I worked out. How many hours is that? Is it October recap? How many hours is that? Divided by 60. What?

60. 60 hours? Oh, my God. Wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Start all over. I wasn't listening. Two hours a day.

Yeah. He said he worked out 60 hours in a month. Yeah. Average effort, 70% for the whole month. Calories burned for the month, 47,843. Wow. Oh, my God. And average heart rate was 131 BPM.

Wait, where's mine? Jamie, I'm going to send you this because I sent it to these guys already about what pussies we are because there's a guy who went, he swam around the UK. That dude. Yeah, like that. Have you seen that? Here, read mine. Pull that up.

This guy fucking swam around the UK. Wow. He swam, he burnt a half a million calories. This guy's crazy. His tongue was falling apart? I believe I was reading that, yeah. Jesus Christ! So how did you do it with the salt water in your mouth? Oh my God! His His tongue was falling apart? I believe I was reading that, yeah. Jesus Christ! So how did you do it with the salt water in your mouth?

Oh my God! His fucking tongue was falling apart, son. And this guy swam around the UK. 157 days swimming 12 hours a day. This guy will be on the Rogan podcast in two weeks. He can't talk, son. He did good, man. His tongue got eaten by barn man. He did well.

What? This is Bert's recap. He did 4,098 minutes of working out. 66% effort. Burned 46,258 calories. Average heart rate, 120. You know what's brutal, man? It's like a hard weightlifting workout.

Didn't give you jack shit. Yeah, when you got to that, you're like, wait, this doesn't make any sense. But that muscle expenditure is way more severe. Dude, I wrecked myself for 45 points one day. I was like, oh. It was different, too, when you got into running, like legit running. Because I would run 10 miles at night, and I would only get 200 points for it. How did you do that?

I'd just get up in the middle of the night and just run. 10 miles for 200 points. I know, yeah, because my heart rate wouldn't get over 130. Thank God for 24-hour gyms or your own weightlifting thing. You'd kill it. You were killing it there. 24-hour gyms are interesting because you're dealing with psychos and weirdos. Tweakers, but every piece of equipment you get, or if you have your own place,

obviously every time is your own place. Or maybe wizards. I can't believe you love that treadmill. What if I run into some person that's working out at 3 o'clock in the morning? It's like a genius. Could be. Just can't handle people. Could be.

Steve Simone said he worked at Gold's Gym for a while. Did he? Yeah, the difference between 4 a.m. to like 6 a.m. Between the tweakers to slowly become like the winners who are getting like a pre-work workout. Yeah. Yeah. And it was such a quick shift of like type of person coming in. Where are we going to dinner?

What do you want to tell people on the internet? That's my best. Let's go to dinner. Oh, yeah. It's live. Should we wrap this shit up? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to wrap it up?

Did we learn anything from this? I think we learned what we're capable of. We're capable of actually working out. Let's go around the room. Which is interesting. Let's go around the room.

Start with Tommy Bunz. What did you learn from this whole thing? Bizarrely, I think I confirmed that I love a competitive event. Right.

I think I like it brings me closer to you guys. I actually like you guys more, even though I already liked you before. I'm serious. I feel like it makes me like you guys more because I'm like, it's kind of like that camaraderie

of being on a team. It feels like a team thing. And I, yeah, I'm, I'm, I had that moment where I'm like, oh,

I'm capable of more than I thought I was capable of, which is, like I'm saying, it's encouraging, and then it kind of fucks with you, too. Ari, what did you learn? I learned, one, that I actually am capable of working out. I needed the competition to actually get to the gym. Again, I said this in fucking January.

You really did kill it, man. And I hadn't gone there until October. I also learned how many people got into this. It was nuts. Yeah, it was a lot. Nuts. I went to a jet ski and people were like, shouldn't you be working out? And by the way, my favorite response is in one of these things.

Like, how's Sober October going? To any fan who walked by, I could just go, go fuck yourself. Eat shit. Kill yourself. That's what you would say? Yeah, all the time. Hey, you're enjoying being sober? Why don't you go fucking kill yourself and your wife?

It was the best. It went perfectly with it. Like a fine wine. Yeah, and I realized that I actually can work out a little bit, and maybe I should work out a little bit. That's awesome. I do remember also on the 30th, the second to last day I was running, trying to get points, and a guy on a construction site was on a cell phone.

And he did not look like somebody I would think would say anything to me. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he turns, he goes, hey, buns, I'm pulling for you. And he goes back on his phone. Yeah. Yeah, it was great. So many people knew about it. It was fun.

It was fucking fun. Hey, man, at my and my kids school dads were coming up to me and saying i'm doing sober october too no shit yeah one more day one more day wow yeah what did you learn what did you learn what do you feel like you learned i know you you know the competitive drive was fascinating yeah i did i didn't anticipate getting that crazy because i just didn't i thought it was just going to be us having fun. We would work out like last year. 15 yoga classes is not that extraordinary. It still is. It did take us until the latter, for sure, the latter part of the month, right?

We all did 15 together at like the 28th. What I learned something last year, though, honestly, that carried over this year, that I decided to do nine yoga classes in a row to finish off my session. I had like a bunch of weeks. I had like a week plus later to go if I wanted to make it to the end of the month. I just wanted to get the 15 in. And so I decided to do nine in a row. And when I realized somewhere around like number seven in a row,

I was like, oh, you could just keep doing it. Like you think you need time off, but you don't really need time off. You just need to keep doing it. And you think you need time off, but you don't really need time off. You just need to keep doing it. And maybe you'll slow down a little bit. Maybe you won't have as much energy. But if you just keep doing it, your body will eventually adapt. But this is way more demanding, right? This is what happened with this too.

So what I realized last year by doing nine in a row, like your body just sort of adapts. And then once I started doing like – I started ramping up the cardio sessions and I was like, okay, if I just decide to get off now, I can get off now. I can just stop now. An hour and a half is a long time. Yeah, you'd be like set. Like, 300 points.

You know what's better? Five hours is better. Wow. Let's see if we can do five hours. Like we did an hour and a half. We just got to do an hour and a half again. Then we're almost there. Then we're at three.

And then we do an hour and a half again. Then we're almost there. Then we're at three. Then we do an hour and a half again. Then we're at four and a half. Then we're almost home. Keep going. This is what this is all about. This is why psychos like Lance Armstrong win the Tour de France. It's not just because of steroids.

It's because he's a fucking psycho. The mental component. He's got a mind of a werewolf and he figures out a way to win. I bet his daily workout right now, like whatever Lance does today, would fucking blow your mind.

Put a fucking my zones on that guy and it's over. He's a super hyper competitive guy. The mental part of this, not just to go do it, but actually go you need to go. You need to leave your apartment your house and you need to go over there. I know you want to do this,, not just to go do it, but actually go, you need to go. You need to leave your apartment, your house, and you need to go over there. I know you want to do this, but you got to go do it now for a couple hours. That part was like one of the hardest parts. I would get anxiety in the morning.

What about you? My mom would go off and I'd worry. I would check your scores. Check the scores. Dude, check the scores. I miss it. What'd you learn, Bert? What'd you learn, Bert?

Oh, I don't fucking know. Come on. No, I was asking you guys ipad what'd you learn bert what'd you learn bert oh i don't fucking know come on no i was i was asking you guys but what'd you learn something i learned uh i learned that i have a lot more in me than i ever thought i had yeah i learned that ari is a sneaky fuck thank you a lot more strength than i ever thought i imagined you got angry that they were sandbagging, you said. I got angry a lot, yeah. You didn't want anyone to do anything out of the fucking... The same shit you got into, I got into too. But just with you, I just thought it was a joke.

I didn't think you were really going to upset. I was scared of you halfway through this. What did you think? You think Ari was going to just sneak up on you? You don't understand. I didn't think it was real. I didn't think you really believed you were going to double me. I never thought that was real.

Parts. But I didn't have to. I didn't have to. I heard the words. And so I decided to believe them. Dude, I used to think. I decided to believe them for fuel. Did you think Ari was going to beat you?

Ari? No, I never knew you would beat me. You never what? I never knew Tom would beat me. Oh, me. Did you think i would beat you no way uh no not not at all i thought you're so out of shape i thought it was a misjudgment of the system and then when we went on a hike together i was like

oh fuck i was like oh yeah of course someone that's 100 pounds lighter than me would be in better shape that makes sense thank you thank you 50 pounds but, yes. But there's a lot I learned. A lot I learned. What did you learn? I learned that number one thing is that I need this camaraderie to better myself. Like when you get challenged by your friends and you have this fun fuckery that just happens every day. Fuckery. It points you into a place that's better for yourself, in my opinion. It's also really fun for people listening. I got a lot of people that came up to me and said,

man, I wish I had friends like you guys because you guys are so silly and stupid. You're both, all of you rather, are just like goofing on each other constantly and everybody's laughing, howling. And it gives everybody that's listening to this this bizarre sense of camaraderie. That's true.

We got through this stupid fucking month where we're doing insane amount of exercise. Insane amount! And then at the end of it, we're like, what the fuck was wrong with us? We were talking about trying to, when I called Bert one day, and I was like, you know we're not athletes, right?

We're not at all trained for this. We're not athletes, bro. Tommy goes, we're just comics. And I went, no, we're not, bro! I was like, yes. No, it's time. What would you have come in in that Shawnee competition? Would you have been second or third?

In the final scores? Yeah, would you have been second? You would have been head of killer. Yeah. That's crazy. Legit places. D1 athlete. Crazy.

And she probably teaches a gang of classes. But also, she probably never gets out of the green. She's probably in super shape. I don't know. I've got to see her stuff. her stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah she's probably doing it forever she'd probably bury all of us that's the thing it's like what we did was we

just did a one month chaos run it was we all survived but I think we should be careful about this because there is there is really a potential to damage your body doing stuff like this. It's really fun but there's a weird potential for like when you hear about stuff like Rob

Doe and you're like what? What happened? I didn't even tell you about the The potential for the positive is so much outweighs the potential for the negative that it's like just do it. I'm not saying that this is one of the big negatives but I don't know how any of you guys did with cramps I had unbelievable muscle cramps the last two of the last three nights.

Well, I planned for that. So I took a lot of electrolytes. I took more than I needed. I took them with him. I added Himalayan salt and water. And one of the things that I realized, when you add too much Himalayan salt to water, your body processes it like food. So all that water comes right body processes it like food.

So all that water comes right through your butthole. Really? Like a runaway train. Really? Like a semi with broken brakes. Woo! Is that when you were just shitting water? You got 34 ounces of water coming flying out of your asshole at Mach 1. It's crazy, dude.

Your body, when you drink salt with water together, your body goes, oh, this is food. What is this? Get it out of here. Get it out. Woo! It just comes out like water. My asshole's blown out for a lot of those workouts.

It was hard. Look at the amount of time that all of us were pumping our legs. It's crazy. Jesus Christ. It doesn't make any legs. It's crazy. Jesus Christ. It doesn't make any sense. It's just the fact that we got close to each other. Well, all of us were preposterous. Bert, you were – we were all.

All of us. I might have been the most preposterous. You might have been. We were preposterous in terms of a normal month of exercise. For sure. For basically everybody. It's more than I've ever seen on one of those boards for 10 months. I've never seen anything.

No, who the fuck's getting 11? No way, bro. Five digits. Getting 11,000. I've seen 7,000. 7,000. And that was like pretty nuts. 11,000 is taking to a terrible place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to go to a terrible place to get to 11,000. It was only because we were all sort of pushing each other. It's great. Because we didn't want to lose to Burt. Oh, fuck. He's doing it. Because we didn't want to lose to Burt.

He didn't want to lose to Burt. Be honest with him. He's right here. When Tom got 600 something, it was like, fuck. But then it was also like, wait, I can do at least that one day. I got one more day in me of that. That's the name of our show is Beat Burt. Tom, tell me what you and I talked about.

I was telling him on the 31st. I was like, fuck. I got this. I just flew to Tampa. I got the next day in. So I didn't even tell you guys. I didn't know how it was going to affect. So I was like, all right, because we had a cutoff of 10 Eastern.

I just got to the hotel. I checked in. I just got to the hotel. I checked in. I go right to the gym. And I was like, man, this has been a fucking motherfucker. And I got to work out right now. And I knew you were 600, 700 points ahead of me. I just started. And I was like, I just can't lose to Bert right now.

I was like, I can't. And I had major anxiety. I didn't think like, oh, it would suck to lose to Bert right now. I was like, I can't. I can't. And I had major anxiety. I didn't think like, oh, I would suck to lose to Bert. I had like crippling anxiety about it. And I was like, all right. I just kept going. And I had a few hundred points. I was already at least, I didn't know if you'd synced up.

So I was at least 300 something. Yeah, you can't be sure if there's no sync. The no sync was a real worry. Yeah, syncing was a real worry. We have to make rules if we do this ever again. First of all, we've got to get blood checked. Why? Because I think there's a real concern.

If we stay. Drugs or alcohol, you mean? No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, Rob Doe. I mean, people die. Oh, oh, oh. I think it would be cool to do this with doctors. If we ever do anything like this again, I really think we should do it with doctors

Because there was a point where I said Like at the end I was having like phantom pains I was like am I okay It just felt The 31st was a bad day for me That travel day That was a bad day

So what you called Joe No no no We talked to each other We're friends bro Don't be jealous First I We can do this two more we're not jealous

I worked out in the morning motherfucker I worked out in the morning by the way you talk to everyone in here but me I talk to you you just don't call me

oh you fucking liar I worked out in the morning I was tugging on my tail and then flew to Tampa on 31st on the 31st landed went to the fucking gym

I actually talked to you and then you and then you. And then an hour after you, I spoke to him. And I was like, I see that I started 300 ahead of him. Now I'm 200. 300 ahead of him means if you don't work out, he can catch you. Easy. So I tapped on 200 more.

Which makes it 500 at least that I can see. Yeah, which is two and a half hours to catch up. But I didn't know. And I was like, what's up? And I really believed him. I was like, I hear him. He was like chopping. He's like, I'm cooking right now at the house.

Friends are over, blah, blah, blah. He's like, I swear I'm done. And I was like, all right, man. And I hung up and I was like, I got to go for at least another 50 points. I walked into a different room. I said to you, I said, I said, Tommy, I swear on my children, I'm done. I go,

when I say I'm done, I'm done. I'm done. And I go, we got friends over. I had to go spend the day with Georgia with their thing. I don't have time to work out

and I'm not going to do it now. I'm ready to get fucked up at midnight. Well, what I knew too was that I was not going to go another 500 to catch her. I was like that. Because I even asked you like, if you are going to go another 500 to catch her. I was like that. Because I even asked you, like, if you are going to go,

can you please just tell me so I can actually take this dancing when I'm fucking out? Yeah. Part of it was very nice when Georgia texted me. I got back from spin class. Georgia was at school and texted me. And she goes, hey, I need you to do the daddy luncheon set up at 9. And it was like 8 o'clock.

And I looked at Leanne. I was like, I'm done. I can't. And I got really angry. She goes, honey, you lost. You weren't going to catch the money. She goes, you lost. You lost.

Let go of it. Two hours you weren't going to catch the money. I was so competitive about it. And I went, if I give it really hard today, I can definitely. And she goes, just let go of it. Be a dad. And I couldn't let go of it. I couldn't let go.

I had to go lay in bed and just go like, I i'm gonna give myself 15 minutes to lay in bed and get my head straight well maybe we should consider this maybe we should think that this competition is more of a time constraint issue and like how much time you have for sure how much time you have is a lot of it it's not just being able to do it but it's like making time for it right yeah it was super hard at times because you were like. Social functions. We were like, I want to be able to do this with my friends right now. Yeah.

I can't go with working out. Yeah. But that doesn't matter because I know Joe's got two young kids and I would go, he's been there five hours. I go, fuck it. And I would micromanage. He's got a podcast every day. Yeah.

The thing is, I book my podcast whenever I want. And what I did was I just scheduled a time where I could work out for at least four hours before I had to be at the podcast. You can come in here and do it until 20 minutes before a shower and be ready. Sure. So if I had a noon podcast, my kids get up early. I'm out of the house at 7. At 7, I'm coming to the gym or I'm going to work out in my yard or I'm going to run the hills a lot. I run the hills a lot.

I want to run those hills with you and your dog. Come on, man. We've got a bunch of different routes. Oh, I did it once. It was fun. I've got a few different routes that I go. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some of them are more steep. One of them is way more severe in the beginning. One of them starts out with a real heavy pitch. It's a real steep, steep, steep beginning. And then it gets harder and harder. And then the end of it, you're running more of a downward slope to kind of cool down those are fun sideways yeah it's it's hard man there's something about running hills that i really think it's like it's it's a survival thing it's like if you want to get away what

you got to do you got to run you got to get your body out of there you can gotta get your body out of there. You can't get your body out of there. You gotta survive, motherfucker. It's a scary thing, running those hills. Run! Run! Hey, do you have a place that you could... What? I'm pretty hammered. No, I'm just saying, run, run. Sorry.

Do you have a place where you can what? Buy elk. I'll give you some. You want some? No, no, no, no, no. I got a lot of it. No, I'm live elk. You want some? Like me, like, I was, this whole time, this whole month, this whole month, I would look at your meals and I'd go, I want to start eating elk. Okay.

But no, no, no, but I meant like, I meant like, is there a place that someone listening right now can go buy? I can't find a place to buy elk. No, you can buy some of it from New Zealand. They'll sell it from New Zealand, but you can't buy North place to buy elk. No, you can buy some of it from New Zealand. They'll sell it from New Zealand. But you can't buy North American game animals in North America. Oh. I couldn't find it to save my life.

Yeah, that's because it's not for sale commercially. They raise it in – what's up, brother? So lit. What's up? Let's go have dinner. We're going to go have dinner. They raise them in New Zealand in particular you know New Zealand

has a giant collection of I forgot this one thing about Sober October what it's that thing you've said before I thought about it

a couple times throughout the month the your inner bitch thing conquer your inner bitch oh yeah we talk about telling you to quit

that day to quit but every day here's the thing. I didn't even consider an inner quit voice. Every day I was like, these three fucking cocksuckers are doing it. So I definitely have to. And I was doing, for a lot of the month, I was doing two a days. Yeah, me too.

It's crazy. It's crazy. I know. So I'm saying that was one of those things. We're not athletes. But it's funny when you have, but the interesting to me was like when you have friends involved, dude, the consideration of even, let's just lay here and chill, wasn't even a consideration. Yeah.

It's like fucking, God damn, I know this is working out. I'm just seeing Bert with that strap on talking shit. He's like, whatever a joke you do, I can double up on it. I would scream into the night. Bert, I want to get a bottle of cab. I want a Pinot Noir. Let's get like bone-in ribeyes. We're going to do it up tonight.

Bro, I'm getting fat as fuck. Let's do it. But here's the thing that Ari pointed out that I think is really important for us to honestly think about. As human beings. We got to a very good state of fitness and we should really keep it. We should really keep it. We don't have to do this

crazy, stupid fucking thing where we compare our points and we have a prize and a belt every month, but it wouldn't be a bad idea if we stayed on this system or another system. Find out what's the best way. way attainable and good for you. And here's the thing that's really important.

I think it'll help other people too. There's other people would go like, I want to beat Ari. I want to beat Joe. I want to be Tom. I want to be Bert. I want to beat these guys. I want to be a part of this.

And then what they'll do, as long as we emphasize this idea of don't fucking kill yourself, because I don't know how close we got to killing ourselves, but we definitely got close to breaking ourselves. You got the closest, for sure. Your body broke down. I don't know what was going on. See, here's the thing.

If it was rhabdo, that shit's super serious. But my urine was starting to turn darker. I was like, okay. We didn't even talk about that you broke this bottle. Yeah, I did break a bottle. Yeah, you fucking bladed it. You sabered a bottle trying to open it. I'm telling you, you should have seen some of my workout sessions.

They were confusing. They were confusing. It was like my whole brain had shifted over to this weird combat mode. It was very strange. I believe it. Jesus Christ. It was very strange, man. It was very strange for all of us, I think.

I think all of us. When I looked at Ari, when Ari hit 479 points in a day, I went, oh, shit, this is war. This is war. It was going for it. I was like, he's going for it. This is war. Once I got through those first five, six days, I was like, wait. Yeah.

I don't need Michelle. I think I can actually do this. Dude. You were really going to put that strap on her? There was no question, and she had no question about keeping it quiet, and I trusted her. Fuck. So what would your plan have been? Just give it to her all the time?

All the time. Dude, she runs 13 miles a day. Absolutely. That's what I run. She's insane. Yeah. When would you have dropped it on us that you did that? Never.

About a year later. A year? Yeah. I would have kept it down during this podcast. But if I knew. Or I might have said during this podcast, hey, guess what? Fuck yourselves. I cheated the whole time.

Would you have felt comfortable saying it only if you had come in, let's say, second? Or even if you had won? If I had won, especially if I had won, and you guys had to pay for some fucking fancy trip that you guys all decided on that I had no interest in. Jesus Christ. I would have taken that gladly. I would give my heart rate monitor to Cam Haynes and then I would make a separate account. For yourself.

A backup account for myself and I'd try to beat you on my own. A provisional ball. But if I can't, Cam Haynes would definitely beat you and then I'd be super humble about it. But Cam Haynes did a great effort. How about we do this next year? I would have given my strap to Burt. We'd get like every real prom again and say all of you guys join up and just fucking

show your stats. And we surf to the death. I'm into this surfing thing. I am too because I don't know how to surf at all and I've had two surfers on in a month. Really? I had Kelly Slater and we had Shane Dorian on just a couple hours ago. When they sit

in the beach and they push you and you start actually surfing, it's fucking fun. Surfers have the best body in the world. The best bodies! Are you guys going gay on me? I will. What's that total psycho's name? Is that the soundtrack

in the background? No, no, no. What's the big wave surfer in Maui? Oh, fucking Laird Hamilton. Have you not had him on? Have you had him on? No, no, no. What's the big wave surfer in Maui? Oh, fucking Laird Hamilton. Have you not had him on? Have you had him on? No, I have not. Dude, please get him on. That dude is a bad motherfucker.

Laird Hamilton's doing a whole underwater tour workout thing. Have you seen him? Yeah, he's a beast. Oh, my God. They're all beasts. Surfers are like a very unusual athlete. They're wrestling with Mother Nature on a fucking foam board. He gets dropped off of helicopters onto the wave.

Really? Dude, Laird Hamilton is next fucking level. There's a lot of those guys out there. There's so many really fucking powerful

big wave surfers. I want him on your podcast, Badman. All right, bro. He'd be a great one. And he's been doing that for like,

yeah, Gabby Reese. Gabby Reese went to Florida State. Yeah, she did. Volleyball. doing that for like, yeah, Gabby Reese. Gabby Reese went to Florida State. Yeah, she did. Volleyball. The thing about surfing, too, is you also have monsters in the mix. Yeah, sharks.

Hey, hey, hey. Did you say it? Kelly Slater didn't want to talk about sharks. Like, I listened to the podcast and he was like... No, he was talking about it a little, but I didn't think he emphasized it because I don't think he thinks it's that big of a deal. He definitely drew as a listener.

He emphasized that they were there, that they are all there all the time, but he kept like dodging it. And I was like, man, it is one of those weird things where you look at a guy that spent that much time in the water and never had a, like had to deal with it.

And then his friends have, that's fucking insane, man. Dude, sharks are fucking terrifying. Bobby B. That. Imagine, I mean, you have no control in their world. You're agreeing to being like a movement-impaired entity in a struggling alien world.

You can't figure, you can barely get by if you're thrashing your arms and legs and a shark could just wiggle up and swat. Take a big chunk out of your leg and you're dead. I was in the water with a great white open water. Open water. Scuba? Snorkel?

I didn't have a snorkel on but I had a mask. Just looking down at them? No, no. I was in the water with it. I was out of the cage and there was a great white. Oh my god, Bert. You can find this online. I'm sure you can find this online, but it was, all I knew was that it was the only

animal I'd move with that had moved with that much intention. Like, everything they did was like, swoop, swoop, swoop. The way you get attacked by a cat, you ever been attacked by a cat, and you're like, motherfucker, I can't stop it. But dude, did you think at any point in time,

this could be how I go? I'm in the water with a shark? No, I've been in the water with great whites a couple times. Fuck. But no, no, no. Fuck. Great whites are overwhelming, man. They really are.

If you went like that now, now it would be a fucking killer video. Now. All the shit I did before I fought a lion I fought bears you did it all but like now if I did that that would go viral

and it just never happened do it don't listen to these guys I'm your friend do it don't do it do it now

you don't want to do it you should do it now I just do stand up now I just do stand up comedy do it for your 54 on the body shots world tour everyone new dates added January 10th until April 1st You should do it now. I just do stand-up now. I just do stand-up comedy. Do it for your 54th now. On the Body Shots World Tour, everyone. New dates added.

January 10th until April 1st. How does one find out about this? Go to BurtBurtBurt.com, Joseph. Wow. And are you international? Are you going everywhere? It's going international. It's going through the UK, Scandinavia, Australia, New Zealand.

Those dates haven't been released yet. But man, I am so happy and so excited. What's the website again? BurtBurtBurt.com with E's. Burt. Burt. And Tommy, you got some dates. I have some dates too. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing happy and so excited. What's the website again? BertBertBert.com with E's. Bert, Bert. And Tommy, you got some dates? I have some dates, too. Yeah, yeah.

I'm doing a bunch of dates. TomSegura.com. That's what a pro sounds like. This is what a new theater guy sounds like. Ari Shafir, what you got booked? Well, I got a Netflix special called Double Negative, as always. Oh, shit. Shit, son.

I'm doing a European tour. Damn. Breakev to Zurich. Europa. November 16th through December 9th. Brussels, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Berlin, tons of places. Oslo. Did you say Campenhaven?

I did. Copenhagen. Campenhaven. Campenhaven. Yeah. People there are like, do you say it or not? Do you say it or not? Let's go eat.

I got a lot of shit. Let's do it. Are we really doing the stadium tour? Did you say it or not? Let's go eat. I got a lot of shit. Let's do it. Are we really doing the stadium tour? We should do it. Let's do something big like that. Let's do Madison Square Garden. Yeah, we can do something like that. If we have something on, break even.

Let's try it. You know what else I think would be fun? Break even. Let's do Red Rocks in Colorado. That would be cool. Here's the cool thing, though. I got an offer from yeah like two years from now

for Red Rocks for Red Rocks yeah yeah yeah I have one of those too yeah but I'm saying like that's how alright let's sign up

for 20 fucking 21 let's weasel in we can do a bunch of shit listen we can have a lot of fun especially like right now like where we only have to do 30 each

let's do it let's do it I'm in i'm in 100 i'm in 100 let's have some fun i'll do it that would be cool to that pick a place all right gentlemen all bullshit aside this is a really really fun month it was great it felt it made me really happy it was fun the camaraderie was appreciated it was exciting it was ridiculous it was fun but it was hard it was hard it was fucking hard It was ridiculous. It was fun, but it was hard. It was hard. It was fucking hard.

But it was also, it was fun. And it felt good. And even though I was like, you know, fuck these guys. I'm going to kill these guys. God damn. There was, I still was like, wow, I can't believe what everybody's doing. Everybody was pushing so hard. I would have never went as hard as I did if it wasn't for you guys.

There's not a chance in hell. Not a chance in hell. There's no way I would have gone that hard. No. I've never gone that hard in my life. If you had to put any 31-day month in my life, and you put out how much effort I put forth. God damn. That's as crazy as...

I'd probably have been a better fighter if I trained that hard back when I put forth. That's as crazy as... I'd probably have been a better fighter if I trained that hard back when I was competing. For fucking three non-athletes and one guy was running away from the memory of his father. We are fucking... I don't know. All of us. Well, listen, we're all

fucked up. But what's important is we showed human potential. We showed what's potential. Yeah, we showed that potential we show its potential yeah we showed that whatever we thought we were capable of we're capable of so much more now the question is whether or not we should continue to put out that kind of effort i say no but i do say that we've reached a really you know a healthy powerful level of fitness we should definitely keep up some of it yeah we gotta try to do that but next year we should definitely keep up some of it. Yeah, we've got to try to do that. But next year, we should do something totally different. Totally.

Whether it's ballet dancing. I like the surfing thing. I love the surfing thing. We should compete each other. And Bert's going to drink R.E.S.P. right now, right? Bert is going to drink R.E.S.P. You've got kombucha bottle or half with mocha. Dancing with the stars next year.

Mocha. All right, BertBertBert.com TomSegura.com AriTheGreat.com JoeRogan.com that's it that's a wrap love you guys we did it

we will see you guys in 12 months congratulations champ congratulations congratulations champ let's go champ shout out to Shadow of the Cannon

let's go champ let's go champ do you know all the comments I got on that on that GoFundMe which was just...