The Joe Rogan Experience - #120 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: July 6, 2011

Joe sits down with Duncan Trussell.

And we're back from the depths from a very controversial podcast yesterday, Brian Reichel. Yeah. Very controversial. A lot of people were upset that I cut Jan off a bunch of times. Well, you know... I love Jan, but Jan is the king of the ear beatings and I was just trying to keep everything moving. In retrospect, having him on the podcast is a good

idea because people will be introduced to his work because he's got a lot of interesting research that he's done. But the best way to do Jan's podcast is to do his podcast. To do ours, we try to make it entertaining. With his, I don't have a worry about it being entertaining. I can just be myself and just kick back and relax.

But when it's mine, I feel a certain responsibility, and I love Jan, but I'll talk to him on the phone, and he gives me fucking ferocious ear beatings. He called me up the other day for 20 minutes talking to me about Gordon Wasson and how Gordon Wasson is in the CIA and he was in the CFR and you know and he is responsible for the whole mushroom movement and how much of it is filled with disinformation and all these elites know about this and see he hits me with this which is you know it's kind of interesting information it's definitely interesting

information but it's the way this information is distributed he's the reason why he's such a good researcher is because he's a kind of an obsessed guy. He gets nutty about shit. And it's the right way to be if you're going to be looking up documents all day because you or I would fucking ADD out of it and we would just be playing video games an hour later. We would totally give up.

This fucking guy has not had a TV for years. And he's been living up in the woods. He lives up in a cabin. I mean, he's the real deal. You know, he's a fascinating cat, but for an interview for a guy, I tried to get him to just hang out with us. And he wanted to do a lecture, you know, he wanted to like go over all of his sources and cite all. And I understand that he's done a lot of work and he's trying to, you know, cite his sources because a lot of that stuff, you know, it's very controversial, the subject matter, and people want to know that you've actually done the work and he's trying to you know cite his sources because a lot of that stuff you know it's very controversial the subject matter and people want to know that you've actually done the work

and researched you know the actual the actual history of of what you're talking about but god damn it's hard to listen to it in a podcast when you're just trying to have a conversation with a dude right some people some people have a hard time with the concept of a conversation on the podcast but because it's on television or rather on the podcast. But because it's on television, or rather on the internet, and because it's on, you know, you can watch it on Ustream, because it's being watched, all of a sudden it becomes like this formal

thing. You know what I'm saying? It becomes like something where you're you know, because so many people are there looking at it, you want it somehow or another to be stayed and professional and respectable. Yeah, I think he doesn't leave that world that much. I almost feel like that he's in it 100% to the fact that he over-obsesses about it.

And the only entertainment he has is maybe planking or something like that. What is planking exactly? Because I keep hearing about this. Planking is this weird thing where you just lay and it's stiff as a board in places. Okay. Like you go outside in the middle on sunset

and you just lay down on your back stiff as a board. And it almost looks like broken people. And everybody knows what you're doing? No. I think a lot of people are like, what the fuck's going on over there? People have died doing this, right people have like tried to do really crazy planks what yeah yeah

they try to plank off of like nine story balconies shut the fuck up yeah plummet to their death oh my god i've seen people plank where they climb up one of those light pools in a parking lot and lay on top of one of those and plank for a couple hours. What? Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ, what a dumb way to die. Dumb way to die. I planked at that hotel the other day. That last moment. That last, that is, you're planking down into Hades and just thinking about what an idiot you are.

Your last few moments as you go plunging to the sidewalk. So dumb. For an internet joke. Yeah, it's just, I don't, I guess it's, what is it? Is it a form of performance art or something? Yeah, it's something like that. Or it's just, to me, what it looks like is broken people. Like if you look at a video game and there's like a glitch and there's like a person laying

sideways, that's what I consider it as. That's why I love it. Because I'm just like, hey, it's broken people. You know, it's like our system is like, you a is like you know it's like a buggy system it's like when you remember used to get those beta releases of video games yeah and there'd be like clipping problems where you could walk through walls and shit that's what it is yeah absolutely i did not know about this there's there's so many goddamn people and there's so much information out there that it's impossible to know about every fucking freaky weird thing people are doing.

It's literally, you think you've got a good catalog of people's behavior until you run into furries, or you run into planking. You hear about some new thing. It's so great when you find a new thing, too. I remember when I found out about furries. That was like the best two weeks. You should have been here when I came back from Pittsburgh, man. There was a convention of them in Pittsburgh. I got a lot of information.

So you went to the convention? I saw them. I didn't go to the convention. It was coincidental that there was a UFC in town, the furry same weekend as this big furry convention. I think it was planned. I think a lot of those UFC fighters are into... No, the UFC fucked up.

They had to get people's hotels way outside of the city. It was a real pain in the ass for the fighters. Because of the furries? Yeah, because of the furries. I'm not bullshitting. I'm not bullshitting. So the idea with furries

is you're just taking on an alternate identity as a stuffed animal or like a Disney. Yes, as a mascot. Yeah. And you don't talk. You use grunts.

We talked about it in depth when I got back because I was so amazed that this was a real thing that I didn't know about because I thought, you know, I'd heard the term furries, man and it just, it was like some distant thing like, oh, you know, furries, oh yeah

they're into wearing rubber or something like that you know what I mean, like one of those things what is that called when people are into wearing rubber they wear like rubber sheets and shit there's people that are like really into like really tight latex rubber shit. So I thought it was kind of like that. Just some weird freaky thing

that just a small group of people are into. But I did not know they had their own fucking language. And they have meetings that they meet at several times. You know, they shit in litter boxes and they eat a full lot of bowls like animals. They go deep, man. They don't wash. They chase each other around like animals.

That was the weirdest thing when we were driving. We were watching these two people chase each other around like the guy was sniffing the other guy's butt. Running around trees. I mean, they're acting literally like animals. It's so fucking strange. I want to see planking furries. That's what I think they should do. Sure, they do it.

I bet if you take off the masks of furries, you're going to find a really surprisingly normal group of people. You think? Yeah. I think people, there's a lot of people out there, I think it's that Thoreau quote, that many men live lives of quiet desperation. Is that Thoreau who said that? I think so. I think there's a lot of people out there that are so disenchanted and disenfranchised

with whatever boring existence they might have stumbled into and are now stuck. There's a lot of us that live like that. You get stuck. And they're fucking bored, man, and they want something else. And even if it's dressing up like a fucking mascot, like a giant fox and running around grunting with people, fuck it, man.

At least you can be free of the programming for a little bit. I mean, if you're a guy who works in an office, all right, for eight hours a day, man, this podcast is a way more accurate representation of how most men sit around and bullshit and talk than the kind of conversations you're allowed to have in the office, right? When you're allowed to have something,

in the office, you have to be respectful, you have to be business-like you have to be and i totally appreciate all that and if you know if your wife is working in some office you don't want cock jokes flying left and right and you know everybody being uncomfortable this one guy's always telling dirty jokes and you know i totally get the idea of the working environment where people are but the idea that you have to not be you for eight hours a day i think is terrible for you yeah to like put yourself in a little box like you know hello mr johnson good to see you sir and one part is just being nice but when you want to say something fucked up when a fucked up thought crosses your head and you got to squash that thought you got to put it

away like oh this person's not going to be able to handle this joke. Or this subject is off limits. That's not good for you. Well, no, it's terrible for you. And what it is is it's a game. It's like the office is a game. And there's very specific rules where when the game starts in the beginning of the day, there's a boss. day there's a boss and suddenly this person who's just like you has authority over you and can control basically controls your life and the food for your kids and so you have to speak in a

certain language dictated by the corporation it's this terrible fucking game that people forget is a game and they begin to think oh no this is the way you're supposed to act this is real life and that's when you get like that b of a song did you ever see that b of a song the bank of america song did you ever see that it's like somebody filmed this corporate uh announcement of a merger between b of a and another bank and it's a guy saying to you two's one uh this song that he wrote about bank of America, and it will make your eyeballs roll back into your head with such existential horror. It's seeing this brainwashed drone

who's obviously spent like a week writing the lyrics to this song and is passionately singing the lyrics to how great Bank of America is as a corporation. I think we should be able to play this on the podcast oh you absolutely can't it was a problem i believe it was a corporate video that was uh made by bank of america right that was sent out to his employees no it's somebody had a camera out during this like moment where some kiss ass who knew how to play guitar wrote a song about bank of about bank and everybody in the audience is

clearly like they seem uncomfortable to me they're just like oh fuck you know what it reminds me of it reminds me of a cult it's like a cult the feeling there is that of a people who've gotten absorbed into a cult that's the only way to put it it's like they believe crazy shit that is only even known by a relatively small group of people and it's their entire lives banking the bank of america way the way that we do business he's singing about the way they do business and it's kind of obscure banking terms in the song really really terrible, I want to hear it. It sounds fucking awesome. This could be found on YouTube under Bank of America Sings U2's One. I just want to say before you press play,

I'm looking forward to this almost as much as I'm looking forward to the new Conan. Go ahead, play. Some guests who have been so impressed with your results to date, and they've listened to the plans being described today and continue to be excited about what's going to be the card business today and beyond.

And that is Jim Dubois, who is the consumer market exec for the Manhattan market. Why are we listening to all this nonsense? Who is one of our Manhattan banking center managers. He's a long-winded fellow. We put a little song together for you. A little song together for you. We miss those guys' names, which is probably for the best.

We don't want to diss them. Whoa. Is this real? Go full screen. Is this real? Go fullscreen. It is even better. Oh, no. Now that we're the same. Two great companies come together.

Now, MBNA is B of A. Oh, no. And it's one bank, one car, one name that's known all over the world. Oh, my god. One spirit. We get to share it. Leading us all to higher standards. Oh my god. The guy, by the way, is also like a 40-year-old bald guy that doesn't look anything like hipness at all. Yeah, he's like Larry David's younger brother.

Yeah. You want to do the whole thing? Yes, please. Do you like the cow thing? Yes, please. What? Do you like cowboys? This is amazing. It's incredible.

An incredible example. Yeah. Somebody's got to bring that guy coffee in the water. Meanwhile, the guy's got a good voice. He's got a real good voice. Too bad he doesn't have a soul. This is the kind of songs that you sing when you don't have weed in your life. Yeah. When they're regularly piss-testing you.

This guy gets piss-tested on the regular. This is what sobriety gets you. Meanwhile, he can sing. I can't do that. No. I can't sing like that. He's great in his church choir, I bet. He kills it in the church choir.

Do you think he wants dick? He already had it. Do you think he... I don't know. I feel like, I'm going to be honest, I feel like someone could fuck his wife. I feel like there's an opening there. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, probably. Am I looking into this? He's got more of a BTK killer vibe. What is it, a BTK killer? Yeah, throws on underwear, strangles boys. Throws on women's underwear. Whoever this guy is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we're dissing you, and we don't mean it.

What we would like to do is we would offer you a hug and some weed. Yeah, and you're very pixelated on the video, so we're just judging by pixelations mostly. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think you guys, maybe I'm just an asshole. Yeah, we're totally assholes. I don't feel empathy for that guy. Oh, he's just a guy, man. He's a banker.

He's got a job. He's supporting his kids.'s a satanist he's a member of the church of court of the corporate church of lucifer he's singing him to some idol some devil idol fuck him he's just oh i think of the people he's exploiting just imagine working in a cubicle next to that cocksucker as he's writing a shitty song, and he's bringing you in and running it by you while he farts his cum farts into the air. You're having to smell that guy's disgusting emissions. He's like a human slug. I hate that guy.

I just know he torments people. I just know he torments underlings I just know he torments underlings. That's why I have no communication. You think so? Yes. I saw him as a fatherly figure in the office, gives out a lot of hugs, but always had a desire to be a singer, and this is what he put together. And then a few people in his office were proud of him.

A bunch were very embarrassed. It's very embarrassing. And there's going to be a lot of talking behind closed doors. It's humiliating. But there's a few girls, like a few chubby secretaries, that thought he did awesome. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm sure that there's other brainwashed drones

who are like, Carl did such an excellent job. I really felt our higher standards coming through his song. He really represents the B of A higher standard. The moment where he starts singing, One bank! You know, like coming together. When you realize that he's really doing this, he's really going full emotions about a bank.

Full passion. It's his life and it's his team. Passion about being on Team B of A. Yeah, and they made a merger. He gets kind of nasty later on in the song where he kind of disses another bank. Fuck Wells Fargo. No, one of the lyrics is, what's in your pocket? It's not Capital One.

That's a lyric. He's dissing Capital One. I would diss Capital One. That's a lyric. He's dissing Capital One. I would diss Capital One. Would you? Yeah, fuck Capital One. Fuck all of them, right? Yeah, fuck all of them. But we need a system.

I don't have a problem. I mean, whatever. Bitcoins, bro. Bitcoins. Yeah, bro. That's what I hear. Works online, right? Yeah.

I don't know. I still don't understand what Bitcoin is. Some shit used to buy DOD characters online. Is it DOD? I don't care. What's DOD? I don't care. What's DOD? Dungeons or Dragons. Yeah, it's like, it's Torrent.

I'll take the dragons. What are you there? What are you fucking playing? Dungeons or Dragons? Hey, let's trade coins, guys. Is this Bitcoin thing an online currency that they're experimenting with? Yeah. That's what kids are doing these days?

Yeah, I know. I know because it's the only way you can give money to Julian Assange is with Bitcoin, and it's kind of complex he's so cutting edge yeah i want to hang with him i do too i bet he would say embarrassing shit to chicks though julian yeah he'd get a little cocky wouldn't he get a little cocky he'd say something embarrassing like what i don't know well i don't know he wants to be that guy you know he's that guy because he wants to be that guy. You know? I mean, even his non-emotional response to everything, you know, his state, you know, his, it's all calculated, you know.

There's a, the real Julian Assange is a video of him dancing. Really? Have you ever seen it? Yeah. No, but that's what I was just thinking. You gotta see it. Pull up the video. Pull up the video.

Julian Assange dancing. What's he dancing? He's just a thinking. You got to see it. Pull up the video. Pull up the video. Julian Assange dancing. What's he dancing? He's just a dude. He's just a dude, okay? He's dancing all freaky and crazy. And there's nothing wrong with dancing freaky and crazy. Don't get me wrong. But when I see you do that, I know you got some personality in there.

Yeah. This whole, you know, this thing that you're doing, this weird, you know, staid response to everything. Is it dancing? You know, it's like this just chosen plane of emotionless you know this and now you know this house arrest and the whole i mean he's like he's that guy you know i'm saying he's a celebrity oh fuck yeah he is he's giant super celebrity you know and he's doing some good things don't get me wrong yeah a lot of good things yeah not not criticizing any of his work. Right. I'm just saying he's a character.

You know, he's fascinating. Well, no. What it is is there's a, when you, it's the showmanship. Yeah. Seems kind of weird when it's placed in such a close proximity to activism. It's when, it's like those two things never mix well together, which is why Anonymous is so fucking cool. Because you don't know who it is.

You never see them. It's just this robotic voice talking. And so their egos don't get into the mix. And it makes them so much more powerful than when you've got a human being and a human being's ego. And the ego, when it gets put into the spotlight, always is magnified. Even if you have a very refined personality that you've been working on, once you get into the moral realm of things, your ego just really sticks out. And I think that's what you're seeing.

That's what everybody sees. I posted his MasterCard commercial, the new WikiLeaks MasterCard commercial. I don't know if you saw it or not. No. It's cool, but somebody posted on my Twitter, they were like, why does he always got to put his face on everything? Why does he always have to do that?

Isn't WikiLeaks bigger than him? Isn't the movement bigger than him as the mascot? Well, he thinks that in the cult of personality days that we're living in, I'm just going to assume he thinks this. I don't really know that he thinks this. In the cult of personality days that we're living in, I'm just going to assume he thinks this. I don't really know that he thinks this. In the cult of personality days that we live in today, that maybe it would be a good thing to have a figurehead,

someone who people get attached to and follow them around and get invested in what's going on in their life, like a Kim Kardashian, but for information. Yeah. Steve Jobs. I think that Steve Jobs, well, no, I know everyone. I mean, listen,

I think it's a very desirable place to be. For a human being, it's... I don't even just think that. I think maybe he thinks it helps. You think that there's a... I'm just playing devil's advocate. No, I... It does allow, when you do have some sort of

cult of celebrity type thing going on, it does allow you to have a certain amount of guaranteed attention to a subject. This is why I think the model that Anonymous is using for hacktivism, as they call it, is so much better than the model WikiLeaks is using. It's because when someone from Anonymous gets arrested or they say they caught someone from Anonymous, it doesn't seem to affect Anonymous at all. If someone supposedly from Anonymous got caught doing some shitty thing, it doesn't really affect Anonymous because no one knows how many people are in the organization. They're anonymous with Anonymous, meaning like the people are members of Anonymous. They're anonymous. I'm a nissinissin.

But yeah, that's what's so cool about them. But they're anonymous i'm a nissan isn't it but yeah that's what's so cool about them but don't they're all connected they communicate with each other when they well you gotta it's busted you have to assume yeah i'm right man what's your name voodoo no you there i'm sure that they i mean obviously there's got to be some organizing force in in that group but we don't know what it is and so because of that it makes them a million times more powerful because if one of them gets taken out it's like think of al-qaeda al-qaeda is this network of terrorists and um the face of al-qaeda for a while was osama bin laden so when you have a face to your organization now you've got a target and people can attack that target it's it's like when they

now you know in the mainstream news, they always say, like, there's a new face to Al-Qaeda and it's some other guy. And you just feel so bad for that guy. Because you know he's going to get killed. Like, that guy is next to get shot by a drone or whatever. But that weakens Al-Qaeda. Al-Qaeda would be so much

more powerful if nobody knew who their leader was. Shhh! Dude. You're giving out a good plan to the enemy right now the enemy yeah right you could ruin our way of life yeah like al-qaeda i bet al-qaeda tunes into the joe rogan experience yeah you never know bro we're in a national sun yeah i got i got downloads from new zealand holla at your boy who knows man they're pretty smart maybe they just put these like figureheads out there just for fun. Maybe Bin Laden was

just somebody's maintenance guy. And they're like, hey, would you mind playing the part of the leader of my organization? Who knows? The problem I had, by the way, going back to Bitcoin, the problem I have with Bitcoin is that I heard recently it was actually hacked. And so that's just right there

shows you that you don't want your – you wouldn't be able to have your currency in your hand. While it's great in theory and everything like that, it's still like are you going to invest in Bitcoin? Are you going to put real money into Bitcoin and actually – that's a gamble. Well, right now I think there's no real way to completely secure anything, right? Right. I mean hackers eventually figure out almost anything. How completely secure anything. Right? I mean, hackers eventually figure out almost anything. How to get anything.

If there weren't any criminal penalties for hacking into systems, imagine what more they would accomplish if we didn't arrest the best ones. Or get them jobs. Yeah, get them jobs. But you're now CEO of Facebook. Well, that Midnight character, he got arrested legit.

And when he got out, he wasn't even allowed to go online for a certain amount of time. God, that would suck. You detach yourself from the cultural experience. How do they make sure you're not going online, though? How do they keep you from doing that? It's a good question. I don't know. They might just say it, and if they find evidence that you did,

that's a violation of parole. They probably put a chip in you. Oh, you're a hacker? Well, you get this chip. A chip inside of you? Like a dog? Yeah. So they can follow you around?

Yeah, I bet if some people, if you asked them, you want to be let out early and you have a chip that you keep for the rest of your life, we'll let you out a year early and put this chip in you and keep it for the rest of your life so you always know where you are. A lot of people would say okay. For a whole fucking year out of jail? But people would just cut that chip out. So you have to put it somewhere like inside your penis.

Yeah, in your penis. Because you wouldn't fucking try. Your spine. These dudes would peel open their dick like a catfish. They would open their dick up like a catfish to try to find that thing. Don't think they're not. Go to BME. Go to Body Modification Extreme. It's think they're not. Go to BME. Go to Body Modification

Extreme. It's the worst. These dudes do all kinds of horrible shit to their dicks. There's dudes that, there's a guy out there somewhere. If you came up to him and go, hey man, I want to eat your cock. Put it on a hot dog roll for me. Chop it off.

There's guys that would chop off their dick. Just because it's the ultimate I don't give a fuck move. You want to go hardcore on me? I'll go hardcore for me. Chop it off. There's guys that would chop off their dick and put it on. Just because it's the ultimate, I don't give a fuck move. You want to go hardcore on me? I'll go hardcore for you. If you're working, or rather you show up and there's a bar and the guy who's working has nose rings and lip rings and his ears are stretched

out and he's got a tattoo on his face. What's the new ear stretch thing? I don't know. But if you saw that guy with all his nose things and ear things and lip things, and you said, chop your dick off and put it on a bun for me, he might go, yeah, bitch. He might just slice off his cock for you. Then you're back to hacking Facebook right back into it.

Back to hacking Facebook? What do you mean? Because we were talking about putting the chip in the dick. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, you wouldn't allow that. I heard some story about in Serbia there there was this bar that was having like every week, they were having contests to see who was the most badass. And so they were doing stupid shit like punching each other

and then burning each other. It was getting really intense. And one of the guys said to the other guy, he's like, I'm going to go outside and I want you to cut off my fucking head. And he went out there and the guy chops his head off. He asked him to do it. And it was like the ultimate, he won basically. Cause he went as far as he could go. Yeah. This is in Serbia. Yeah. I think it was in Serbia. Yeah. God damn. Now this, by the way, that story, I did not verify that story. Let's not Google that one.

Let's pretend it was real. That's the one thing that I hate about Google. I don't want to lose stories like that. Like there's certain stories that I won't Google. No, no, no, I'm keeping that one. That one, fiction, real. It might be about Sasquatches. I don't give a shit.

That one, I'm not even Googling. Well, it's like fairy tales. Back in the day, somebody told you about the legend of Johnny Appleseed, and you're just like, I have no idea to know if this is real, so it's real to me. Nobody thought Johnny Appleseed was real but you. No, Appleseed's real. Nobody, son. He actually was real.

You're the only one. I've got to come out and say that I kind of thought Johnny Appleseed was real. He's a real person. It's based on historical facts. We have the documents. Actually, yes. Ladies and gentlemen, We have the documents Actually yes Ladies and gentlemen We have the documents There wasn't a

I thought there was a guy That went around playing No It was real Alright I don't think it's real But I'm gonna never look into

The Chop the Head Off story I can kind of see it though I can see Chop the Head Off story You're super drunk You've been eating You've been drinking A shit load of Serbian vodka.

And you probably want to end your life anyway. Your life sucks. Yeah. You're crazy. It's like the ultimate. You're hanging out with a bunch of people every week. You're stabbing each other and fucking burning each other. And you're like, let's just end this.

By the way. End this and I win. It's the ultimate like flipping over the table when you're playing cards and you're losing. Johnny Apple City is real, by the way. He introduced apple trees to Ohio and Indiana and Illinois. Well, I don't even know what the Johnny Appleseed story is, to be honest with you. What is the Johnny Appleseed story? He became an American legend while still alive largely because of his kind and generous ways.

He had great leadership in conservation, and he pretty much was really important to apples. And back then, like a lot of had was really important to apples and back then you know like a lot of people you apples were way more popular back then because we didn't have doritos you know so he was like a pioneer for apples he actually pretty much brought apples to different parts of the country huh wow and i know this because ohio was one of the bigger parts that grew apples and that he brought to and stuff like that. The name Johnny Appleseed to me sounds so cartoonish that for some reason I always thought it was like a Disney cartoon. He was born John Chapman.

Johnny Appleseed is what they called him. He was like a superhero of apples. Was there ever a movie? An animated movie? I'm sure there was. Really? A Johnny Appleseed? He became more of a legend in really boring schools and stuff like that. We never talked to him.

Of all the legendary figures, he is pretty fucking boring. I mean, he never was an exciting figure. He went around planting apple trees. Yeah, it's like getting behind those superheroes that don't have powers. It's like, what? Well, back then it was like, wow, you're bringing me a really good, delicious food I've never had before. No, it's great if he comes through your neighborhood. Imagine having apples for your first time. Like, hey, I'm so me a really good, delicious food I've never had before. No, it's great if he comes through your neighborhood. Imagine having apples for your first time.

Like, hey, I'm so tired of eating poop and stuff. And then they're like, oh, apple, what? This is like dessert. I'm saying what he's doing is awesome. No doubt about it. I just didn't think it was a real – I didn't know what the story was. I thought it was like a Winnie the Pooh thing. Can I change the subject?

Sure. Please do. Because you mentioned... I don't know what it is about Johnny Appleseed, man, but it puts me to sleep. It's a fucking conversation killer. Woo!

Have you... Did you order the Walking Dead comic books yet? No, no. I just finished the entire series. I have never gotten addicted to a comic. I think I did when I...

like years and years ago, but... Did you tell me this already did we talk about this already somebody else did i i we talked about on the phone right because how long ago was this this was a few weeks ago okay but it might have been you it probably was you it is the if you if you read the you told me about it i actually haven't i i forgot to download it so what's awesome about this series is and the in the um the the show is cool too the show that came on uh what was it ifc amc i can't remember that was awesome too but these comics man they are such an accurate portrayal of what it would be like to try to survive during a zombie attack with society collapsing that you become engrossed in their struggle for survival much more than just you know zombies biting people it's not like a gore

novel or gore comic book even though it is gory it's more of like the character arcs are so fucking cool because you just see these different characters go from being you know thinking that they're going to get through it or things are going to end or things are going to get better and then realizing that things are never going to be better and watching the way personalities change it kind of it focuses on the idea of how if society collapsed people would go crazy pretty fucking fast like there would be some people who maintained ethics and morality but there'd be a lot of other people who immediately just discarded those things and put their survival first no matter what and it's awesome it looks like it's a free application too is it just like

the first issue is free and then you can download the probably yeah yeah it's called the walking dead on the app store it's so good man i i in the last two weeks i think i've spent over 200 bucks on the whole series are you serious i got hooked i couldn't stop so there's a lot of issues yeah there's like 78 issues oh that is bad i got hooked i couldn't stop i couldn't stop it's the best it turned off yeah if you you will it's one of the best gifts you can give yourself because it is fucking brutal they don't pull and it's just like they don't try to soften anything there's no attempt to do the thing that movies do where it's gonna you know it kind of gets better there's no attempt in none there's no attempt at

that it's just realistically don't tell me anymore about how the stories go oh yeah yeah that's not really a spoiler there's a shitload of issues, too. God damn, they all have like five stars. Yeah. Wow, this is awesome. Well, does it follow the same plot as the TV show, or is

it completely different? I mean, there's, yeah, in the TV show, and this, I don't want to, spoiler alert, what do you say? No, no, no, I don't

want to hear it. Did you see the TV show? No. You haven't seen it? I just haven't seen it at all. I've only watched one

episode. Okay, well, then I won't say anything but it kind of got one episode i watched i'm like this show's good man i'm gonna fucking start watching this and then i stopped it's vaguely it is similar they added some characters that are the comic book is more brutal a million times a million times better this is a million times better a million times better a million a million's a big number a quadrillion times better. A million. A million's a big number. A quadrillion times better. What is that? How many zeros? I just looked that up.

It's like, oh, man, 100 billions or something like that. I just looked it up. Is that like 1,000 trillion? Is that what it is? It's so funny that you should ask that because I was on Wolfram Alpha yesterday trying to calculate how much money it would take to give everyone in America a million dollars, and it was something like a quadrillion dollars. Because I thought, I was thinking that if we took the Forbes magazine billionaires

and we took all their money away and just gave it to everybody in the United States, there'd be like the entire population of the United States would be happy and there'd be like 20 pissed off rich guys. Like, who cares? But as it turns out out it's not that much money when you break it up among all those people yeah and the real the real problem with giving everyone a million dollars is that within a week half of them will be broke within one week if you gave everyone a million dollars like you said this is the this is life okay we are going to absolve all money and all debts and everyone on the planet is going to get a million dollars yes

if that was the new money if like we said we're all going to start equal and then we'll barter from there within two months there'd be people that have giant corporations where they have billions of dollars and there would be people that were totally broke and there'd be people sucking dick for fucking rent money this isn't fair yeah the system's corrupt yeah yeah yeah i didn't get your break you caught a break you lucky piece of shit yeah fucking come after you and there's gonna be people that blow it all in vegas there's gonna be people that blow it all on fudge you know it's true man that there are uh people who are just seem like well no it's not even that crazy it's like if you have a canoe and the the rudder on the canoe or the rudder on the ship

is fucked up the ship's gonna go in circles that's just the way it works and some people they have this psychological rudder that's fucked up in their lives and so they always that's why you see people always going through the same patterns like you know i have friends where i've watched them you know again and again and again and again basically just repeat the identical mistakes over and over again but with different variables but it's the same failure equation but they're always just plugging in the same shitty variables you know like buying a buying a car without getting it checked out first and what do you know the car broke down and what do you know the car dealer won't give me any money back because i signed a contract when i

bought the car yeah you know that kind of shit isn't that weird they don't fix themselves they keep on doing the same shit and they're not learning from their mistakes which seems so odd i know so many people like that also it just blows my mind i think that's what karma is when you know they talk about someone's karma i think that's what it is it's like this series it's a combination of genetic factors the way they look mixing in with some thought constructs the way they perceive reality and and those two things kind of meet together to make them always just repeat the same weird fucking cycle i can't imagine what it's like to be in the mind of a schizophrenic i can't imagine what it's what it's like to be in the minds of anyone with any like real serious debilitating or a disease mental disease anything that makes you delusional or see life from a weird so whenever i see someone

in a real bad pattern there's parts of me that says well i wonder if they have a very slight mental illness you know or a mental illness that's you know i mean there's got to be grades of mental illness you know there's got to be a spectrum from really completely bad shit charles manson to you know whoa you're just a little you've got i know we all know people that have like a distorted perception of reality and they twist reality up to kind of suit their purposes for the here and the now. You know, I think there's a spectrum of crazy and a lot of people that repeat things over and over again, there's a little crazy there. It's maybe not a lot, but there's some crazy. There's some disconnects.

How does that lead into full-blown, completely insane, fucking shooting up a post office? Is it the same path or is there a different path from the one few steps of crazy? But I think a lot of us have mental illnesses. Well, that's the concept of mental illness. of us have mental illnesses well that that's the the concept of mental illness is i sometimes i'm skeptical about certain things that people in this society call mental illness because it gets really confusing where you know for example take depression um the diagnosis of depression uh what goes along with it is, you know, environmental factors. Are

you under stress? Is something shitty happening in your life? But then also it apparently has something to do with a serotonin deficiency in your brain. And so you take these antidepressants and they're called serotonin uptake re-inhibitors and they make it so that the serotonin kind of accumulates in your brain. It, um, uh, so that it doesn't, so that you have more serotonin kind of accumulates in your brain so that you have more serotonin and you start feeling better. And that's all based on this diagnosis of depression. But it seems to me that even the label depression is fucking up what it really is. What's happening with these people is not depression.

Depression makes it sound like it's like you got a cold or poison ivy or the flu or a rash or something like that. I don't think that's it. I think that depression is you're not interfacing with reality in the right way. You're not seeing how beautiful reality really is. You're not understanding the potential that you have. And that's resulting in not wanting to wake up in the morning and wanting to escape by sleeping all the time. So when doctors start saying, no, no, no, you have an endogenous depression and I'm

going to prescribe to you antidepressants. It's like they're avoiding the real thing that's happening. Not now people who are on antidepressants, if it's helping you, it's great. But I think that in a way, well, I'll just admit it. I was on antidepressants once. When I was in college, I got on antidepressants. Because I was fucking depressed, obviously. I fucking hated life. Everything, I mean, it was worse than hating life.

It was like I couldn't feel anything. I literally could life. Everything. I mean, it was worse than hating life. It was like I couldn't feel anything. I literally could like feel no emotion. Was it because of a girl or was it because of a reason of any kind? I don't think it was because of a girl. And definitely it was because of a reason. And, you know, I don't know how deep I want to get into that. But I'm sure it has a lot to do with like family shit and just the model that I grew up in. And not understanding, you know, not understanding a lot of the stuff that I understand now things just seem kind of

grim beyond grim so they put me on future seem grim or life no not even you don't even there's no joy in your life it's like when somebody puts a rubber band around your finger and you can't feel it it's like somebody's done that to your instincts. Before we go any further, I just want to stop right here for a second and say, you know, that we're not passing any judgment on how your mind works. And no, no one can ever say what's going on in this person's mind. I don't know. I mean, I have a thyroid problem and I take, uh, I take thyroid pills for it. It's called hypothyroidism. It's genetic.

It runs in my family. My mother has it. So there's a part of me that doesn't work right. How do we know? I don't know how your brain works. There could be a part of your brain that's not working correctly and supplementing it with certain chemicals that they treat antidepressants with could help you.

So the idea that we're saying that everyone is depressed for the same reasons, I think we should be real careful about that. Sure. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm saying that. No, but you're talking from your own personal experience, which is true for you. But I know people who need it. I know quite a few people who it's changed their life.

So I don't know how his brain works. I would like to be him for a day. I'd like to figure out what the fuck that's all about. I would like for you to be me for a day and figure out what the fuck this is all about. You know, I think us trying to, you know, impart our thoughts on antidepressants, it's very easy to say you got to pull up your fucking boots

and, you know, tighten that belt and fucking get to work and stop being such a pussy and be depressed. I think there's some people there's a legit chemical issue there's an imbalance or something well i'll tell you what i did well i was on this shit called zoloft right couldn't come it like made it so that i couldn't fucking come that's the shit that uh phil hartman's wife was on which killed him i didn't know that they won a lawsuit i don't know how much money they got but she was on zoloft and cocaine apparently which makes you completely crazy zoloft and cocaine together apparently incite some sort of psychotic reaction well what happened allegedly i didn't feel like psychotic but it was definitely put me in this

like i i don't wouldn't call it a better place, but a more tranquil place. It was like there was some tranquility. But what ended up happening is I went on, like, a week and a half long camping trip out in the woods. And just stopped taking the antidepressants. And it was out, you know, way out in the fucking woods. With, you know, which the coolest thing about going on a really long camping trip is no mirrors. You don't have a mirror to look at yourself. the coolest thing about going on a really long camping trip is no mirrors. You don't have a mirror to look at yourself and you forget how important mirrors are or how like looking at yourself is this like fascinating thing

that people do all day long to kind of, you look at yourself to see how you look or where you're at, or you look tired or you look happier. Your hair is fucked up when that's gone. It's awesome. You're not looking now. You're now the reflection is in other people, the way that the people you're hanging out with are reacting to you. The reflection is in nature instead of in the mirror. And anyway, by the end of that camping trip, I felt happy.

I felt stable and good and connected, and the world seemed beautiful. It was like I just needed to get outside. I just needed to get, get out of the environment that I was in and like be in the presence of like real nature with like, with hawks flying in the air. I, uh, it really did. I mean, I don't want to say it fixed me, but it definitely, the effect of just being in nature for eight days exceeded the effect of being on Zoloft for six months by a hundred times and so what i'm saying is yeah definitely people have i mean think of this is a fucking very complicated computer floating around in our skulls here and you can't think that everyone's computer is just going to function correctly or there aren't going to be some wires that are mixed up but i i'm not certain that

psychiatrists when they prescribe these antidepressants are also suggesting alternate ways to live in ways that to and i know that some people take antidepressants in conjunction with psychologists but again to me it seems like it seems like when you go to a psychologist while you're on an antidepressant maybe you're distancing yourself a little bit from some emotions that you really need to be feeling some places that you really need to be now i agree with you if you're on antidepressants out there and they're helping you keep taking the fucking antidepressants but if you're on antidepressants and you just kind of feel like you're putting a band-aid on something or numb there are other ways to uh escape from the evil grip of depression which is the worst man i do have some like depressed friends and it's it's like being in a quicksand pit emotionally. You don't know how to get the fuck out, and it's a nightmare.

It's a nightmare. But there are, you know, nature is a very powerful thing, and that's where we're supposed to be anyway. You know, that's where our ancestors came from, and it's been a very short time that we haven't been out there. What do you think it is, though, that causes people to get in that, if it's not a chemical issue, if it's a truly just a behavioral issue or a thought process issue that causes people to become depressed and get caught in that funk, what purpose do you think that serves? Like, why is that there? You know, do you look at things like that? Like, I look at addictions, you know, and I'm always like, well, why is that there? I look at compulsive behavior. Why the fuck is there there's there's got to be an issue for that like i think i mean but but

whatever regardless of what i think what do you why do you think that's there the depression yeah why is depression there why why is there this this thing that's like a consistent thing amongst groups of people and it's it's very common like what what would be the purpose of that well it's that the i don't know if there's a purpose to it. Do you think it's a symptom of the way we're living? There's this idea called the gunas, and it's the modes of the material universe. In Hinduism, in some forms of Hinduism,

the material universe gets broken up into three forms. It gets simplified into these three forms called the gunas, which is the mode of ignorance, the mode of passion, and the mode of goodness. And so everything, everyone is experiencing some version of these modes of being. So these modes, they attribute them to certain to like, you know, parts of the world. So cities are considered to be in the mode of passion. Places where things are rotting, like junk heaps and places where there's a lot of death are considered to be in

the mode of ignorance. And nature is considered to be in the mode of goodness. So there's symptoms of each of people who are in each of these modes. So people who are in the mode of ignorance, the symptoms are very similar to the symptoms of depression. They sleep too much. They sleep all the time. They eat shitty food. The way they put it is they eat dead things. But what that means is they're not eating things that are good for them.

They're just eating things that are poison. Or the way they put it is they eat things that taste bad and make you feel bad. That's how they say it. Now, the mode of passion is the symptoms of the mode of passion are you want to fuck. You want to make money. You're out there. You're working. You're Mike Tyson in his prime.

You're fucking like you're just fully into the universe. And the way they put it is you eat things that taste good but that make you feel bad is the way they put it so you eat like people you're drawn to like shit that like in the initially is like rich food yeah rich food and stuff like that or even you know experientially you know you're like doing like crazy shit or eating ecstasy you know that makes you feel good in the moment but then the end result is you kind of like are hung over for half a week. If you take impure non-pharmaceutical grade MDMA, which is awesome to have, then, then, uh, the mode of goodness is, um, the way they put that is, um, you'll, you eat things that

maybe don't taste so great initially, but then make you feel really good that are really good for you. You know, like, um, some people would say initially when you start exercising, it's in the mode of goodness. Cause when you are fucking convince your body to get out of bed and go for a jog, sometimes it's like B it's the best feeling on the planet. But when you first get going, it doesn't feel that great. You've got to like, get your body to lumber, limber again and get out there again. But man, when the afternoon rolls around after a morning run and you feel your muscles are aching and your body's more relaxed than it's been, you feel great. So that's because you did something that could be considered in the

mode of goodness. So to answer your question, I think depression is the modern terminology for people who have gotten themselves primarily in the mode of ignorance. And, um, and they, you know, they need to, a way to get out of the mode of ignorance is to, um, it sounds kind of obvious, but to begin to engage in things that are more in the mode of passion or the mode of goodness. So, you know, people will tell you if you're feeling depressed, go jogging, go jogging, eat, drink some smoothies, take vitamins, start taking care of your body, clean your house. Depressed people have filthy houses. They inevitably, cause they're like, they're literally

laying in dead shit. You go to a depressed person's house and there will inevitably be rotting food there they leave rotting food out and they they're they're filthy and that's that's like what the mode of ignorance is and the reason they're doing that is because they're avoiding taking care of things they can't push themselves out of it is it possible that being in a pattern like that for a certain period of time can alter your brain chemistry to the point where it's actually measurable where they can say oh you have a deaf deficient you know blah blah blah time can alter your brain chemistry to the point where it's actually measurable, where they can say, oh, you have a deaf deficient, you know, blah, blah, blah, this part of your brain. And it's because the real reason is because of your pattern of thinking, but it's diagnosed as a chemical issue. Yeah. Just like your pattern of eating. If you eat

certain things for a certain amount of time, you turn into a fatty, you know, it's like, it's the same thing. It's just a of probably a neurological form of that. It's a neurological obesity. But again, we're just guessing that this is for very specific types of mental illnesses, the types that you feel like you had, not for people that have some sort of a congenital issue where their brain's not functioning correctly from the get-go well i i think that for people who are depressed and who've solely been listening to a psychiatrist their prognosis they can feel like they're in a pretty dire situation because they've been convinced that their their motherboard is fucked up and the only cure for it is corporate created chemicals that they have to take for the rest of their lives and if they get off of it then they get dizzy and fucked up and they'll just end up cutting their wrists now i think that that's a pretty sad state of being to be in where the only way that you think you can feel normal is by enjoying these uh uh corporate manufactured synthetic forms of happiness you know you that's

the only way it's like imagine only being able to smell synthetic flower smells like shitty Paris Hilton perfumes. Well, I think that's what, and you know, that's how you could smell flowers. Well, I think that's what, I think that's what some antidepressants are. I think a corporation came up with a way

to cook your brain in a certain way with these chemicals to allow you to experience a synthetic version of happiness as opposed to an authentic version of happiness and i think that for many many many people who are depressed on antidepressants and perhaps this is naive and again if your antidepressants are really making you happy then you're happy but i think that there are ways to shift your vibe to change your life to work on the different things that you the loose streams that are hanging out of your life and have and start experiencing like

real happiness which is you know i think that's a hopeful thing to hear if you're super depressed i think you're putting down a great guideline all i'm saying is that i don't think it applies to everyone and i think there are people that would have a serious biochemical issue there are there are a lot of people that are your way as well though you know it's just you know some people get real sensitive about this and they're right you know some people say you know hey man you guys shouldn't be saying that you don't know what the fuck it's like uh you know my situation i'm not crazy i had an issue you know i'll try to be as positive as possible but I have an issue let me just say one more time so that I don't get like a shitload of angry Facebook messages I am

in no way advocating getting off your medication I'm not saying stop taking your medication bro just go smell a flower you know I'm not saying that at all I'm just saying there is hope that you don't have to pay however much you're paying a month to take those chemicals. I really think that there are really common sense things that people just forget about when they get depressed. Because when you're depressed, you just forget. Like sunlight. Yeah, like sunlight. Cleaning your fucking house. Get a maid the windows get a maid just get a maid to clean your house if you're too down to clean your house just get a maid go go like go find a nice library that's air

conditioned and like sit in the library and read or write while a maid cleans your house and come back to your clean house and see how good that makes you feel. Simple little tiny, tiny little things that you can try that will alleviate some of the environmental things that are keeping that depressive cycle going. Dude, you should be a life coach. I got a bachelor's degree in psychology, Joe. Do you? Yeah, I do.

But that doesn't mean anything. That's why I always call Duncan for advice. Meaningless. Do you remember when you were dating a particular girl and she was trying to get you to quit comedy and you were going to go work on your PhD? I certainly do. You should have done that.

How rude. What a dick. I'm just kidding. Do you mean that, Brian? No, not yet. Dude, Little Hobo's going to visit you in the middle of the night right now. The next bad trip you have, Little Hobo's going to be there to hold your hand and take you on a walk between the highlands. Oh, man.

Yeah, I remember those days. That was so crazy. But you know what, man? There is some part of me that to this about what what what that kind of life would be like like i i for the the show that i was working on for comedy central that didn't get picked up um i i uh that video is hilarious by the way it's on the web the um the stone ape theory if people want to google what's the best way to find that video google search stone ape theory on youtube it pops up does it but a lot of there's a lot of articles on the stone tape theory too If people want to Google, what's the best way to find that video? Google search stoned ape theory on YouTube.

It pops up. Does it? Right away. There's a lot of articles on the stoned ape theory too, right? Yeah. I think it's right under you talking about the stoned ape theory on YouTube. Actually, what's the other video, the body surfing one you did with Tim and Eric? That was fucking hilarious. That's called Legend of the Pipers.

Have you seen that? It's the second one. If you Google it, there's a second one. The second one shows a little monkey in an animation it's an animated says clip from comedy central's pilot thunderbrain you gotta see it because it's fucking awesome thanks joe it's really fun but when we were doing that we were getting some b-roll of um of like scientific just me like around super crazy scientific shit so we were in like a laboratory that was working on solar panels and there was a doctor there who's working on you know trying to lower the cost of producing

solar panels that it becomes a feasible option for people and we can get off our addiction to oil strangely his study was being funded by bp which was really confusing to me like i didn't understand that and uh i asked him like BP why are they trying to like get solar panels going doesn't that hurt them and he's like corporations are there's so many different you know wings and parts of a corporation that some of them don't even agree with each other with what they're doing but anyway uh I said wow man it must feel really good to be working on something that if you like figure out what you want to figure out, it will transform the planet for the better. And he like in all seriousness, no hint of irony or anything weird.

He looked at me and he's like, well, it's our sacred duty to help humanity. And it was like, oh, fuck, man, that is really cool, because this isn't like some this guy's not bullshitting. He's not just like it's some bar leaning over he's not on a podcast slurping back coconut water stoned out of his mind he's in a laboratory fucking working on solar panels right because he believes it's his sacred duty to help humanity you know he's pushing it to the nth degree there you know and and i found that like um there's something about something real about something real about it yeah you know to this day i think well you know i know that stand-up helps people it makes them laugh and i think it's a very

potent art form but still i think man i wonder you always kind of wonder like what if i what if i had become like a psychologist you know what if i had done that and like really gone deep into understanding the inner workings and the mechanisms that make human beings get into these shitty patterns you know what i maybe i would have come up with some some great way to help people you know something more than a joke about spraying cum on the pentagon or like you know what i mean it's that it's but i i but I mean I really love my life so I think it's a bad thing

to as long as you're enjoying yourself I think it's a bad thing to question what if what if you know would I be happier

what if this what if that I think if you find something it could be anything but if you find something that agrees with your personality and you're passionate about it

and you pursue it there's there's goodness in that there's goodness there's certainly goodness in creating new solar panels that that are more efficient and allow us there's certainly goodness to get away from the grid and get away from the the need for foreign oil and all that jazz but there's also good in everything man there's good in being a badass soccer player right people want to watch some fucking diego maradona motherfucker who kicks the goal in when it's not supposed to

it's a really close game and this fucking guy manages to wiggle through and knock one in some Michael Jordan character shoots that three pointer to win the game when you see things like that anything you see it's a beautiful painting

some book that you read that really fucking was gripping. You couldn't put it down. All those things enhance life. They all create energy. They all create bursts of energy. Some definitely, when you look in terms of the greater good for humanity, some will definitely be better. It's much better to create a great solar panel than to write a dick joke.

Yes. But as long as you're doing what you want to do that's i think if we if there's one thing that you can harp on in this life is it don't don't do a bunch of shit that you don't really want to do because you're not sure if you can do what you want to do because if you do what you want to do it's hard and you might not make it and fuck man that's just you're gonna live a life of second guessing and and failure and just you're never gonna believe in yourself you're never gonna you're gonna know that you never went after the one thing they really truly wanted that's whether whether whatever the fuck

it is man whether it's being a solar panel scientist whether it's being a guy writes fucking classical music whatever the fuck it is man. You just got to find what that thing is. Yeah, there's a... I always do this. I'm sorry I always quote the Bhagavad Gita. One of the most awesome things to quote ever. There is a quote in the Bhagavad Gita that goes, it's better to be an honest street sweeper

than a dishonest king. It's very dangerous to follow another man's path, is what, what it, and so the idea is, you know, do, just what, exactly what you said, you know, you should do, you know, you should do what you're drawn to, not what you think you should be doing, you should do the thing that you're attracted to doing,'s what that's what you're meant to that's who you are that's what you're meant to be you know if if uh if you saw a dog that was trying to act like a horse it would be hilarious but it would be kind of sad and fucked up you know it's like you're supposed to be what makes a thing beautiful is when it's in its purest form not when it's trying to create an alternate version of what it is like when that

lady was dressing her chimp up and putting diapers on him and shit and then one day he just ripped her face off. Let everybody know what the fuck is up. God, that's so fucked up when people put lipstick on a chimp. To eat your own, Duncan. To eat your own. Unless you're drawn to putting lipstick on chimps. In which case,

go for it. Yeah, if that's your thing, man yeah you never know yeah i think you're absolutely right though you gotta you gotta find it whatever the fuck it is for some people though it's hard to find you're stuck in some shitty fucking town there's nothing to do everybody around you is retarded you know it's like this is the that becomes an issue well you got to start you know the thing you got to start with doing. You got to start, even if you're not a comedian, this is the thing I realized. You got to start carrying a notebook around with you or a little piece of whatever, something to write your thoughts down on.

Because throughout the day, you have really cool thoughts. You have really interesting thoughts. Some people don't. Well, I think that I think it's like fishing and I think that your notebook or your pad of paper is your fishing net for thought for ideas and if you're if you haven't been fishing for a long time yeah you don't have a lot of ideas but if you just start getting in the habit of even if you don't think you're gonna like have amazing ideas every day you just have sometimes really low-level, really simple, basic ideas,

or even something you need to take care of. If you start writing that shit down, then I think the bigger ideas start coming, you know, because you got your nets out. That's a great point. I like that idea. I like the way you describe it, that it's a net. That sounds cool. But let's face it, some of those nets are going to be like, Mountain Dew Code Red is good. Sure, why not? That sounds cool. But let's face it. Some of those nets are going to be like, Mountain Dew Code Red is good. Sure. Why not? Of course.

It's like people's Twitter feeds, man. Yeah. Your Twitter feed is 140-character net. I mean, there's certain people on Twitter that I just had to stop following. I had to stop following when I signed up. If you're following me on Twitter and you see that thing, the Joe Rogan Daily, and people go, hey, put me in your daily. I have no say over who goes in that.

This is what it is. It's just a program that I signed up for. And what it basically does is I follow a lot of interesting people on Twitter and it'll take links from their stories that they put up on Twitter and then it'll put together like a little newspaper of the top things. I don't know how it categorizes them. I have no idea how it does it. What people are probably saying though is when they say put you in their daily, there is the option to put certain people in your daily so it will kind of focus

onto them. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so you can actually program them? Yeah, you could kind of do little tweaks here and there like having like, you know, like a group of friends that it grabs from more than other group of friends. But I played around with it. Who fucking cares? That's cool.

I might have to look into it, but you can't specifically pick an article or anything to put in. I don't think so, and that's what sucks. You pick a group of friends, and then Duncan says, hey, look at my penis. You like my penis, and then it looks like you picked it out. One of my favorite tweets. Following Duncan to look at my penis tweets.

I can't stop tweeting. I want people to look at my penis. It's important to me. You haven't been here since that Anthony Weiner guy. Weiner. Yeah, Anthony Weiner. Are we really?

I mean, is this a real life thing? Or is this a movie? It really does. As things go on, you know, the concept of life as a hologram or life as some sort of a computer simulation,

it sounds great and funny and, you know, like, wow, that's crazy, but what if? But every now and then, a thing like this Anthony Weiner, Andrew Weiner, what was his name? Anthony or Andrew? Anthony Weiner. Anthony, it was Anthony? I think it was Anthony Weiner. Whatever the fuck his first name is. His last name is unmistakable.

Unmistakable? Unmistakable. unmistakable. Unmistakable? Unmistakable. And the idea that that guy would get into some dick situation, it almost feels like we're being fucked with. It feels like a prank.

It feels like as, you know, whatever, the end of time rolls closer and closer, reality is getting so fucking weird that it almost is begging us to not take it seriously anymore. It's almost like, that's awesome. It's almost like, have you seen Michelle Bachman? Do you know who Michelle Bachman is? I know about the gay seat gaffe.

How about her fucking husband is gay as shit. Oh, I didn't know that. Dude, Dave Foley tweeted this about Michelle Bachman's husband being this guy who performs these anti-gay things where they fix gay people, anti-gay counseling. Those guys are always gay who do that. Oh, dude, please pull up that guy. Pull up, I think Marcus Bachman is his name, allegedly homosexual. I'll let the people decide, but my god he seems gay holy shit he seems gay do you know about her john wayne gate the thing she did with john wayne gacy no she was

in the town where gacy killed a lot of people and she said something along the lines of like well you know i believe in the words of john wayne or you know i believe in the spirit of john wayne because she thought john wayne was from that town and didn't know it was John Wayne Gacy. She confused one of the most notorious serial killers ever with one of the most loved movie stars. A great cowboy. And she was like saying, she's such an idiot. What's her deal, man? Is she running for president or something?

Yeah, she is. Check this out, though. This is from like two years ago, right? Is it the original thing two years ago? Yeah, I believe so. His voice, I mean, it's hilarious when you hear this. You gotta hear him. He's as gay as the day is long, man.

I mean, he's just as gay. ...to winning the GOP nomination. But what about the man that's backing her? Her husband, Dr. Marcus Bachman, is drawing heated criticism for his highly questionable stance on homosexuality just take a listen to this we have to understand barbarian need to be educated they need to be uh...

disciplined and just because someone feel good or thinks that doesn't mean that we're supposed to go down that road that's what's called the nature and we have a responsibility as parents and as authority figures not to encourage such thoughts and feelings to move into the action steps whoa first of all the guy has this look about him like hey i'm a hot dog yeah he like like one of those southern guys who uh owns a barbecue place yeah he's got like a fat face and it's slippery yeah he looks like the guy is always sweating like everywhere he goes he's like there's a mantra going his head hope nobody

knows i'm gay i hope nobody knows i'm gay i hope nobody knows i'm gay and it's causing him to profusely sweat. He's sweaty. He's like shiny. In every picture you see of him, he's like shiny and sweaty. But he sounds like a disciplinarian. He sounds like he would be into leather butt plugs. Because he's talking about educating barbarians and disciplining people.

I would love to see what techniques he uses he's calling he's calling gay dudes barbarians you are a barbarian and let me tell you my friend the only way that we're gonna get your desire for cock out of you is by putting as many cocks into your mouth as we can yeah yeah those guys are fucked up man one of those guys you know there was was this kid just committed suicide. You know about that story? This kid committed suicide. He was going through one of these anti-gay programs that these sadomasochistic Christian freaks are putting people through.

But he killed himself. He committed suicide. And they caught up with a doctor who had been behind the study. Exact same thing. Like, the doctor was clearly gay this is a doctor that had an at a escort who they caught him with in europe who this guy who he said he just hired to carry his bags oh i remember that guy yeah that guy he's like one of these mad scientists who are like uh super repressed homosexuals and it's coming out in the form of trying to transform gay kids into straight kids.

Yeah, he took a gay hustler with him on vacation. Yes, to carry his luggage. He said to carry his luggage. Yeah. Would you see the Bruno movie? Remember Bruno? They went to that guy that... I didn't see Bruno.

You never saw fucking Bruno? Really? No. I have it on DVD. Oh, you got it. They went to one of these guys that turns around, and he is, like, super gay. You can tell the guy's like, no, that just wouldn't be.

It just exactly looks gay. Anti-gay counselors. They're just trolling. They're just looking for dick. That's all they are. They get together. They've got to figure all these guys are gay, too. Everybody just shuts up and counsel each other and suck each other's cocks.

Yeah. Just go about your business. Yeah, they stumble. That's how they think of it when the day i was coming home i couldn't wait i sucked a cock on the way home don't worry about it you're still with the lord you're still with the lord what about my cock you know you suck that guy's cock you don't suck my cock i mean it's a that's a fuck talk about a weird job that's a weird job to be able to be a gay guy and like why is there so much sustain for

homosexual people that's the real question what is it is it a fear that you're one too is it i mean what what the i grew up around gay people i grew up in san francisco from the time i was seven till i was 11 i was constantly around gay people my neighbors were gay and flamboyant you know to me it was normal it was normal. They're just different. It's a different thing. I don't get where the hate comes from. I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense.

I don't think there's anything wrong with making fun of them because I think they're funny. And I think you should be able to make fun of everything. Everything is funny. I'm funny. You're funny.

We're all stupid. We all do dumb shit. And that shit should be made fun of. So gay people are not off limits when it comes to humor but the hate where the fuck is it coming from is it a is it a fear that you're one of them as well what is it uh i i mean i think it's primarily a result of uh people who are in fucked up christian cults is what i think it is i think these people have been conditioned from when they were a child

to have these bizarre repressed libidos that have their roots in some kind of terrible interpretation of the New Testament. And that ends up coming out with seeing gay people as an abomination because of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Look at what God did to Sodom and Gomorrah. Maybe what it is is like 5,000 years ago, 10,000 years ago, they all had their Andy Dicks. They all had like gay dudes who were just completely out of control, just grabbing cocks and pissing on police officers and shit. It was just like that was the norm when it came to gay dudes. And that was only a few Andy Dicks around.

There was only a few left over. I mean, the truth is if you look up Reed Socrates, those guys were all fucking gay as fuck gay they were all gay and and so i think more likely what it is is that um would historians say that they're gay or would historians say that the times were different and that heterosexual men had sex with boys on a regular basis back then i think they would say that right well i mean you call whatever I mean, you call it whatever you want. They were gay. Call it whatever you want. Do you think that all those Romans were gay? Do you think there was just a,

like when the Romans were fucking young boys and were they gay? So let's say I said to you, Joe, yesterday I had sex with four teenage boys. What would you think I was? I would say, well, you were experimenting because as far as I know, you weren't gay until today. You got any drawings of it? I'd give you a one day free pass in queertum.

Well, I think it's just that at the time, at that time then, it was considered like a fetish. Well, here's the question. When guys go to jail and they're in jail for a long time and they have sex with men, are they gay? Do they become gay? If they weren't gay before they went in, are they gay now? Forever? So what's gay? Is gay being attracted to guys? Is that what gay is? That's the question. Is it a guy who has sex with guys? Or is it a guy who's actually attracted to guys? Like, what if you're a gay porn star, and you're like, I'm like, whatever, you want to fuck me? Go ahead.

Yeah. Just give me that check. There's been a lot of those guys, by the way, that claim straight. You know, there was a fucking VH1 special on one guy. There was a special on I believe it was VH1, but it was one of those cable channels where it was like real fast cuts back and forth. I remember one of them,

the guy looks at the camera and he goes, anal sex is the bomb. And the guy was straight and he had a girlfriend. And him and his girlfriend, I mean, it could have been a gigantic troll, but it didn't seem like a troll. It seemed like she really believed that he was straight, and he was just doing this for the money. And he's like, my girlfriend, she doesn't like that I do it,

but the money's awesome, so I just do it. But I'm not gay. And then you see him in the scene going, anal sex is the bomb. And you're like, whoa, what? What is going on? That guy's gay gay that guy's in denial and he's using that job as an excuse to bang dudes but if you go to jail and you have sex with a guy are you gay forever no i think that's desperation i think if you if you're in

there for life and you start getting fucked and stuff like that you start acting gay and stuff i think that's just desperation but if you take fucking the hottest chick in the world put him in the room with that guy that guy will still holy shit, I can't wait to fuck. I think he'll be immediately fucking that girl where a gay person will be like, ew, boobies. There was this anthropologist in my college who – That was an amazing way of describing it. Yeah, it was. There was this anthropologist in my college who was talking about how in some parts of the world being gay means that you are the one receiving

the cock so if you're like having anal sex with a guy if you're penetrating someone you're straight as long as you're penetrating whatever it is you're penetrating whether it's a a vagina or a brown vagina you're still straight but if you're or if you're being penetrated then you're gay if you're taking the submissive position then you're gay wow so there's there's a lot of different cultural it's a i think it's a it's a has a lot to do with the culture and i think our culture is possibly one of the most sexually repressed cultures out there. We are fucked up, man. People get so weird about sex in our culture.

They get creepy and weird and they start acting strange. Remember that show Real Sex? Yeah. And you see these people, whatever it is that they're into, whatever they're talking about, whenever sex comes up, they get real fucking squirmy and weird and like we don't the way we teach it in schools is really fucked up and you're not i've got this book that i just bought called a shit i can't remember but it's this assemblage of all these uh uh articles on sex from the 1800s and it's like serious articles on masturbation and how to keep your kid from

jerking off because it drives you insane is what they used to say. If you masturbated too many times, it would send you on this downward spiral that would just end in complete insanity. And that was like in the 1800s. That wasn't that long ago. And that's because our, you know, our culture has its roots in the Protestants who are these, who came from England with the idea of worshiping God in a pure environment and the way that they were thought that you were supposed to worship God was in this bizarre sexually repressed whipping yourself in the back super monogamy you you you if you did have sex it should be really quick get it over with fast don don't enjoy it, don't enjoy sex, it's evil and bad. And so the whole reproductive cycle got this awful taboo attached to it. And that's what we're the descendants of.

So now people are going like running in the opposite direction, you know, and doing crazy shit like, you know, dressing in animal costumes and fucking dolls or whatever. But it's all, I think it's all a result of like awful sexual repression because someone who isn't sexually repressed is not going to be able to hate a gay person it's amazing the idea that something that happened just you know 300 400 years ago whatever it was and the first settlers arrived that's something that happened back then like that attitude that that that that beginning of pattern of behavior could manifest itself in 2011. It's kind of crazy.

It's obvious that other things have adopted it along the way, like corporations, because they found that if you have this Puritan, you know, like, you know, no swearing and no sex. If you have it to, you know, you have that to a certain extent you can kind of uh you know you make yourself look better it makes it look nicer and cleaner and you know it's like all having its roots in that original thing well it's like yeah it's it's got it's all got its roots in that it's like and we're if you go to us i know you've never gone to a strip club but if you go i'm just kidding if you go to a strip club the energy in a strip club is always dark like it's a dark place yeah and it's you're in there it's kind of like yeah hiding hiding in

the dark as you watch the naked form it's like what the fuck why is it set up like that why is it set up like you're you're in some dank cave so no one can see my boner you've got to hide yeah like why is it like that? It's because we're still sexually oppressed. And look at guys at a strip club. Look at the mode that they go into. It's not like guys go there and suddenly they are feeling free. It's one of my favorite things at a strip club.

It's so fucking funny to watch some dudes getting a lap dance because they try to not have any facial expression have you ever seen that what is that where their face freezes like in this bizarre paralyzed coma they're almost trying to act like they're used to it oh yeah naked girls are always grinding against me while i drink a budweiser and their faces are frozen it It's hilarious. It's like, react to that shit, man. You've got a super hot girl with breast implants rubbing against you. Why are you in an emotional coma right now? I'll tell you exactly why. Why?

Because there's other people watching. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You don't want to. Yeah, what the fuck? The environment is as unnatural as humanly possible. You put a guy in a warehouse with a bunch of other guys with folding chairs and girls sitting on people's laps.

And, you know, everything else, the bar and all that. I mean, what is it? It's a fucking, it's a little room. It's a mess. It's a room where people are unnaturally sitting on other people's laps for money. Yeah. And you feel like a fucking weirdo, you know? That's why a strip club should be like a back of a 7-Eleven.

It should just look like one. What? You know, it should be like creepy places like that. What? It should be creepy places like that. Like private little places, like a van. Oh, yeah. Well, then the problem is the girl has to worry about safety. Look, the whole idea

of a strip club is kind of a crazy idea. You're going to go in there especially if you're actually going to touch the guys. It used to be that they were just allowed to do table dances, but Eddie Bravo has a great story about the progression of the lap dance, about starting out in a strip club where there was no lap dancing, and then all of a sudden they allow lap dancing and how everything changed. And one girl was the only girl who was willing to do it the first day.

Other girls were like, fuck that, I'm not doing it. But this one girl just made a fuckload of money. And the next day the rest of them were doing it too. It was like sprinkling here and there. Once you enter into that sort of a situation, I mean, you got a naked girl who's rubbing up against a guy, and every instinct is to fuck her, you know? And especially to a lot of these guys,

some of these girls are hot as shit, and they would never get this girl in real life. And all of a sudden, this girl's touching them and actually rubbing their cock with her leg and shit like that i mean it you need that girl to be protected you know their girl has to that everything has to be out in the open you know i mean even the vip section there has to be a dude who's like you know near the door listening for screams or scuffles you know i mean it's fucking scary shit if you were a chick man when i can't have a van for that

When I was 15 The first strip club I ever went to Was in New Orleans And I went to this strip club In the day You were in the day? In the day and they let me in New Orleans I don't know if it still is

It's been a long time but for a 15 year old It's an awesome city They just let you in they didn't care And I'm getting this a lot they don't check ids or anything it's just a long time ago i think they thought it was funny it was i don't know but i got into a strip club i'm sitting in this chair with uh the first stripper i'd ever encountered in fact i think this is the first naked girl that i'd ever encountered like a whoa yeah so like I'm sitting in this chair um before I even saw the girl I had a raging erection just from being in a strip club like oh like this this

girl starts uh dancing in front of me and like my heart's like my heart's pounding and I'm like holding the side of the chair with my hand and I just watched my hand reach out and grab her ass. I couldn't stop it. It was like just an adrenaline rush. I had to touch her. I was so super horny. And she slapped my hand. I was like, you can't touch me.

Which I guess at the time I wasn't clear on the rules. But that's what sexual repression does. That's what it does. Well, that's not sexual repression. That That's what it does. Well, that's not sexual repression. That's teasing. You're 15 years old. You could have easily found a girl that's 15 years old and played doctor.

That's what a lot of people did. What's weird about your first experience being in a strip club is that a strip club is completely unnatural. I mean, you want to talk about wiring your situation absolutely incorrectly. You're attractive to a girl who you absolutely should not be attractive to. You know, she should not find you attractive in any way, shape, or form.

But suddenly, she's fucking enamored by you. She wants to spend time alone with you and touch you. Holy shit. Oh, but she wants money. She wants money and you can't touch her back. Well, what is this trap I'm in? Am I going to get to cum? No, you can't cum.

You just sort of sit there while this girl dances around you. And every instinct in your body is raging to stick your penis inside of her body but you can't sounds like most relationships though i don't like them i think no it doesn't i hate it i don't like strip clubs man they're i never could get into that i get sad i mean even when i went to at the beginning i would always like try to talk to the girl and because i was just like so what are you doing i was always the talker yeah i just want to talk to the girl. Because I was just like, so what are you doing? I was always the talker guy. I just want to talk to you, baby. Well, I felt bad for all of them.

I was like, wow, I can't believe you're doing this. I never felt bad for them. Some of them are very nice. Boring. Some of them are nice and they're just stuck. And this is the best way they can make money. I mean, if you look at it about exploiting the system, it's a great way to make a lot of money. Was Casey Anthony a stripper?

Was she? I don't know. She seems like it. I don't know. I'm so glad I did not follow any of that. I had no idea what anyone said. I wrote on Twitter that they should have a TV show, a reality show, where it's her and Octomom and you

be the first to find a sober guy to shoot a load inside of you. It's like a competition. And the name of the show is The Apocalypse. It's just Casey Anthony and octomom and see how many straight dudes will shoot loads in them and they have to get like blood tests before they go in and casey anthony's guide to raising a child how about that that's so imagine it's man i will take i would take 5 000 casey anthony's over one nancy grace any day of the week nancy grace is a fucking foul necrophile i think she is so much more disgusting than some stripper whose kid got into her ecstasy or whatever happened it's like who who like yeah a dumb girl's kid she left the

kid in the back seat of the car fell in the kiddie pool because she's negligent or whatever. It's like sad and terrible. But Nancy Grace is like clearly getting off on the whole situation. I hate those tabloid death hags like Grace. There's some other woman I saw too. It was like on The View and she was like, we just got the verdict, the Casey Anthony verdict. I'm going to need your help here she's innocent oh god she was innocent and it was just disgusting you're weeping because this one mother got off the hook meanwhile every year in afghanistan and iraq the un is dropping bombs on neighborhoods. Kids are getting blown to smithereens.

Kids are getting transformed into hamburger meat on a daily basis in the Middle East because of our fucked up drones that keep accidentally bombing weddings and neighborhoods. And these death hags are freaking out over one dead child. I mean, it's sad. It's very sad that kayley anthony died i mean i think that's terribly sad but when you hear nancy grace being like kayley anthony's bleach bones were found by a cable repair operator and all that was on her neck was one fabric one bit of her t-shirt. It's like there's a disgusting, there's something perverse behind it. Sorry about that, Ryan.

Dude, you don't have to. I'm a big fan of bashing Nancy Grace. What a pig. There's something gross about, whenever I see someone who's angry and they're fat like that, I'm like, maybe you need to go on a diet and you won't be so fucking angry.

Let's get dog to bounty hunter. When I see someone with his big jowls and his big you know i'm like exercise eat right take some yoga classes you'll approach this all totally different somewhere the devil is dancing tonight the top mom's off the hook tiger woods that's a another one she went after she went after tiger woods for like you guys need to stop watching me so much why it's brilliant i wish i had i don't have cable i'd fucking watch her every day i like you guys don't have cable no we don't have cable i can't do it man i turning cable on in your house is like opening a fucking portal to hell with all those advertisements i love the shows dude you just dvr everything don't be yeah i've got apple. I've got Netflix. I can watch any show I want to

watch. And I know that you can DVR stuff, but inevitably it's just those commercials, man. They, they make me depressed. It's every time. Cause like I watch TV at the hood when I'm on the road, I watch TV at hotels. And every time I turn on the TV, it seems like things have gotten exponentially stupider. Things have gotten exponentially worse. And I kind of like having those spaces in between watching TV because I think if you watch TV every day, you don't realize how it's just imploding. Every now and then I'll watch something that makes me think

I haven't been paying attention and something's been going on that I'm not aware of. Like Two and a Half Men. I'll watch Two and a Half Men and hear the laugh track and find out that's the number one show in the country. And I'll start scratching my head. I'll go, okay, what's going on? Did I miss something? Has there been just an invasion of stupid that I wasn't here for?

Is there something going on? And then you'll watch a commercial and the commercial will be really ridiculous. Like a BP commercial. Have you seen those BP commercials? No. We've cleaned up the Gulf, and they showed people eating seafood and enjoying it. They're sitting there, and they're delivering nice shrimps to the table and everything like that. And BP's making it sound like, oh, there's no issues at all anymore.

There's nothing. It's almost better. We cleaned up the Gulf, and the Gulf is back. The Gulf is back. Jesus fucking Christ. How many people committed suicide because of that thing how many how many dolphins were killed how many how much leakage do you guys still have that's being unreported because people are still finding slicks out there all the time and also you know

a lot of those fishermen they they were doing everything under the table so it wasn't like they could report their business in a way that they could get the relief funds that BP was giving. Yeah. I mean, a lot of it's just like anything else. A lot of those fishermen had businesses that weren't operating according to code. How about they were using prisoners to clean up the fucking oil? And they wouldn't let people film it? Yeah.

That's fine. And that's you for making people sick? It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. You're in jail for pot and they can make you clean up oil? Oh, no. Did they use that, though?

Wasn't it? They're not using dangerous criminals. That would be awesome. Murderers to clean up oil. Yeah, people bring it back, shanking people with oil. Yeah. Getting high off of it. My uncle told me how to boil oil and turn it into plastic.

Make a hard-ass plastic knife. Make an oil bomb shank. Some guy got mad at me. There's a few people. There's been many discussions online. Someone got mad at me for using a black voice, that I shouldn't use a black voice. Why would he get mad at you?

I'm talking about a black man. The way I just said it, yeah, my boy, let me shit up. That was a black voice? That was black, yes. I thought it was Persian. I can tell black Holland voices, guys who are black in Holland.

What is it? It's just their voice. It's an interesting thing how black people have, guys who are black in Holland. What is it? It's just their voice. It's an interesting thing how black people have their voices sound slightly different. Like the way not all of them. Cindy Poitier is a perfect example. Someone who doesn't or there's, you know, obviously Obama doesn't sound like he's black, but there's a certain even like really Morgan Freeman. Man, I wonder if you could tell. But it's interesting when you're talking to a guy on the phone.

Here's the point. I'm not generalizing here. I'm just being honest about you can tell many, many times whether or not the person you're talking to is black. And it doesn't mean they're not super articulate or super intelligent. It's a tonal quality. You know what I'm saying? I think the name for that tonal quality is fucking cool. I love the black voice. It's the best, man. I wish I talked like that tonal quality is fucking cool. I love the black voice.

It's the best, man. I wish I talked like that. Give me all your money. It sounds cooler. It sounds so much better than it does. It sounds so much better than our dialect. That dialect is just cool. What is it?

Is it more relaxed? It's more relaxed. It's got more. Yeah, just cooler. I don't know how you put it, but when you hear black comedians talk like white people, that's how they hear us. I think we've...

What they're doing is reiterating what Richard Pryor did back in the 70s. I got to piss, man. I'm sorry. Go rock that pee-pee, son. That coconut water is insane. And that full synergy. You drank that full kombucha.

We got him and coffee. We're filling Duncan up with liquids. We know that they're crucial to mind functioning. Cling out his UTI. So tell me your story about your friend's little brother. Oh, yeah. So this is pretty interesting. My friend's little brother, well, he's 21, so he's a little bit older.

But real nice guy, plays video games, has autism. But he's got it where he can actually live and he can drive a car and stuff like that. But he's very, very shy, very quiet, very, like, when he's out in public, the first time I met him, he would, like, wear sunglasses for a couple minutes and take them off and put them back on. Like, he was just very uncomfortable. Didn't really ever make conversation it was always like answers like to questions you know like so hey how you doing like good you know kind of thing right so uh we were hanging out recently and uh he he drinks here and there and he'll drink like vodka straight and he'll just chug it real quick because he in the past he would

drink vodka and he felt more comfortable like relaxed like he's not so intense and stuff. So a couple nights ago, I was like, hey, so have you ever smoked weed? And he goes, I was really against it. But then I saw that movie documentary with Joe Rogan in it, and now I'm thinking different about it. And I'm like, oh, you're talking about the drug war movie or whatever. The union. The union. Because he just watches Netflix all day.

That's all he does. He doesn't work. He just pretty much, because it's really hard for him to work. So he just lives with his mom and stuff. And I'm like, well, if I got some, would you want to try it? And he goes, yeah, I think I would. So we went to the store and we got, allegedly, we got a, you know, they didn't have any joints left. So they had these pre-rolled blunts, you know, like these humongous cones.

Right, right, right. And it looks like a cone, but, you know, like an oil cone. And it's filled with weed. So I got him a, I didn't know what to get him. I didn't think a sativa would be here, so I got him a hybrid. And I told him to take a couple hits. I told him to take one hit. I taught him how to inhale and stuff like that.

And he took one hit. And I was like, all right, maybe one more. And we'll just sit here and watch some TV for a while and see how it goes. And he was kind of like smiling, sort of giggling a little. And he goes, you know, 10 minutes later, he goes, can I have some more? And I'm like, yeah, sure. And gave him some more. This time he took like five humongous hits, strong hits and shit like that.

Next thing you know, he was giggling and laughing and talking and he was making sentences. And it was the most amazing thing that I ever saw. Like it was amazing. Well, there was a story on the news from Northern California about a family who had a son with autism and they tried everything with this kid. They just could not get him to come out of his shell. They tried therapy. They tried, you know, all these different methods to try to get him to communicate.

And then they started giving him weed. And they started feeding him hash. He would eat the hash. And he'd put it in fruit and he would eat it. And the kid became a normal kid. It's like it all just went away. Like he figured out how to tune in. It's fucking incredible.

Anybody who says there's no medical use for marijuana, you're a goddamn anti-human. You know, you're a fucking criminal. You're a criminal. You run around saying that there's people that can't actually benefit from it. I don't think what we do with marijuana, when I talk about how I'm on the medical marijuana program, like as a, you know, and people like go, oh, you're scamming the system. Maybe no. Maybe no.

Maybe no. Maybe it is medicine, just like aspirin is medicine. Isn't it? Isn't a fucking, I mean, when you're having a cold and you take cough medicine and it makes you go to sleep and feel better, isn't that medicine? Well, guess what? That medicine isn't fucking fixing anything.

That medicine is just curing your symptoms a little bit or concealing your symptoms to allow you to get a good night's sleep. Well, marijuana is actually making you feel better. That is medicine. It's medicine for everybody, man. You know, it's, it's something that makes you more connected and more sensitive and, and more relaxed. Well, I, I just stopped smoking pot for a month cause I was smoking it every day, All day. And this is what happened to me the next day after having probably for a year constantly smoked pot. The next day, you know what happened to me?

What? Nothing. After I stopped. Listen, Dr. Drew says that the marijuana today is much stronger than the marijuana. No reaction, no withdrawals. Dr. Drew says there's serious withdrawal is much stronger than the marijuana. No reaction. No withdrawal. Dr.

Drew says there's serious withdrawal symptoms. No anxiety attack. You know what happened the next day? Nothing. You know what happened the next day? When I saw flowers, I wasn't thinking, oh, these are expansions of the mind of God. I was just seeing flowers. And then that's it.

Great. Thanks. That's great. It really helped. And I've done it for, actually, today was the first time I smoked pot in a long time. Are you suggesting that Dr. Drew is a lying whore? I am suggesting that. I am as well. Yeah.

I think him and Nancy Grace are going to burn in a specific part of whatever hell there may be. A special baby that gets eaten by Florida. Florida will turn into a mouth and eat that baby. I think you said that. The swamps will open up and you'll see teeth come out of the ground. Snatch out the child. Man, I would love to take... Dead babies in Florida.

You know what would be so fun? This is a weird thought that I've had. Wait a minute, you? I know. Get out. Nancy Grace is a full-grown thing. It's disgusting and foul. Right.

But if you could shrink Nancy Grace down and have like a pocket Nancy Grace that lived in a little aquarium, that would be the best ever. Some little judgmental death kind that you had in an aquarium that was just always upset and doing a little show. Do the right thing. Do the right thing. Tiger Woods told those girls that he loved them. We'll go to the next caller. Is it a

dead baby in Florida? It is. The semen stains on the mattress. Can we zoom in on these semen stains? Let's get Dog the Bounty Hunter in here to just talk about these semen stains. Scratching your clit going fucking Seaman blood.

Seaman Steins. Seaman Steins. Seaman Steins. That's her mantra. When she walks, she chants Seaman Steins. You know Nancy Grace holds the world record for the longest squirt ever by a female vagina? Did you know that? She's got the record.

Yeah. She can squirt like 18 feet. Yeah, I think that that squirt happened. Didn't that squirt happen when she saw JonBenet Ramsey's death picture? What the fuck, dude? We were at a club in Pittsburgh, and we went to see... I went with Mark De La Grata and Mike Goldberg. We went to see Bella Donna.

Bella Donna had a little show. We didn't go to see her in specific. But she just so coincidentally happened to be performing there. Sure. And they were telling us that we had a girl last week that could squirt all the way from one table to another table. Wow. This girl could squirt nine feet.

Apparently she would finger blast herself and whatever that female ejaculate is, it would literally launch itself through the sky like nine feet. Now, that female ejaculate, isn't there some controversy about that? It's a mixture of urine and cum or whatever. And secretion, supposedly. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a lot of urine.

I don't know. What do I know? But it just seems crazy that someone could just shoot that shit nine feet. I mean, even shooting urine nine feet is no small feat that's a yeah apparently the longest distance some guy some guy shot a load like 18 feet or something crazy like that that's like the world record but that might be a lie too he might have had a fan behind him yeah i want to see video of it they didn't tell you that he shot that load in an air tunnel

where they used to test cars for their aerodynamic capabilities. Boom. 18 feet, Bob. World record. It doesn't specify whether or not there's a tailwind. Yeah, squirting is a fascinating phenomenon. Joey Diaz used to date a girl who had that issue. And he goes, it's inconsistent.

That's what you get mad about. One date's like lemon meringue pie. The next date's like gunpowder. It's inconsistent. It's inconsistent. I had a girl that was a gusher, but she never really squirted. But after sex,

it was seriously like a bucket in your hand. Yeah, my girl in high school sex, it was seriously like a bucket in your head. My girl in high school was like that. I had a girlfriend in high school who would drip down her legs. It was crazy. We would just be hanging out in her bed and just kissing her. All of a sudden, her legs would be wet. It would drip

down the inside of her thighs. Dirty bitch. When that happens, they have to drink more water. That's from... They do, right? No more than you do if They have to drink more water Cause that's from You mean They do right Cause like No more than you do If you have to take a leak You know

I mean if you have to take a leak You have to immediately Get water in your system When you die No they get dehydrated Yeah they get dehydrated faster Really Yeah I'm sure

Yeah it has to Yeah I bet squirters Can die of thirst If they squirt Yeah maybe that's one of the Tests they take you if you're going to go on a fucking hike in the Mojave. Yeah, don't squirt.

Does anybody here squirt? It's the imperative that you do not masturbate during this journey. Are we clear? What? Not at all? You're going to need to conserve your water, girls. Do not squirt in the desert. You need to keep your pussy dry.

Keep your mind clean. Keep your mind clean of impure thoughts. Any girls not squirt in the desert. You need to keep your pussy dry and keep your mind clean. Keep your mind clean of impure thoughts. Any girls leak out of their panties. If you were in an... But if you were in the desert with a squirter,

could you drink the squirt? Sure. Guys have lived on boats for days and not dehydrated because they drank their own piss. Not dehydrated to death.

Of course, they had some dehydration. But you can drink your own urine. You can recycle your own urine like apparently over and over again yeah that i knew that but it keeps you alive there's people that have done it when other people wouldn't do it and those people that wouldn't do it start they died well that's an idiot yeah it's like i'd rather die than drink something that was already in my body what a moron yeah well think about the dude who wanted to get his head cut off.

It takes every kind of people to make this crazy world. That's right. Sing, Brian. It takes every kind of people. I don't know the songs that I just sang. You're a couple years younger than me, son. You missed out on some great references. This temple in India, man.

Let's talk about that because it's fucking fascinating. And Duncan, you are a man who, all the people I know, you know more about ancient India and the Bhagavad Gita and all the different ancient texts. Maybe. I don't know that much. First of all, try and pronounce this fucking name. This is the place in India. Are you ready for this?

Yes. They use, they'll throw some fucking words into a name. They don't give a fuck. They'll throw some letters, rather, into the place in India. Are you ready for this? Yes. They'll throw some fucking words into a name. They don't give a fuck. They'll throw some letters, rather, into a name in India. I mean, they're really not trying to be brief at all. No, they're not. This is the real name of this place where they found this. What it is is a giant temple.

And under this temple, they found a vault that hadn't been opened for over 150 years. Actually, six vaults that hadn't been opened, some of them, for 150 years. And there's at least $20 billion worth of treasure in there. And now they're saying that it's probably going to be closer to a trillion because what they're counting on is how much these things are actually worth

as far as the gold and the emeralds and all the jewels and stuff. But they're saying, well, if you wanted to auction this stuff off, you know, what the real worth would be would be much higher than that. You know, you're looking at something as just the, you know, what it's worth mineral-wise, you know. But, you know, just the historical value of these things would bring it through the roof. This is the name of the place.

This is fucking crazy. T-H-I-R-U-V-A-N-A-N-T-H-A-P-U-R-A-M India. Say that. Thiruvananthuparam. Thiruvananthuparam. Thiruvananthuparam. Thiruvananthuparam.

Whatever it means. Can you read this? Come over here and read this. I can't read. I don't read Sanskrit. I'd stumble over. No, no,thapuram. Whatever it means. Can you read this? Come over here and read this. I can't read. I don't read Sanskrit. I'd stumble over. No, no, it's not Sanskrit. It's English.

Well, I can't read it. Do you know what that would say? Let me see this. Well, you're pretty good at this shit. What would that say? That's the place where it happened in India. Thuruvananthapuram. Thuruvananthapuram.

It's like Bert Kreiser's Twitter name. Thuruvananthapuram. Thuruvananthapuram. It's like Bert Kreiser's Twitter name. Thiruvananthapuram. Thiruvananthapuram. Remember, imagine if you were fucking landed on a plane flight in India and you had to get to Thiruvananthapuram and you only saw it written down and you're trying to talk to the driver. Thiruvananthapuram? Can you take me to Thiruvananthapuram?

Thiruvananthapuram, please. Will you copy that in input.com and see if somebody actually has that domain name? They must, right? I want Thuruvananthapuram. But the thing about that, finding all that treasure under that temple, I'm reading this awesome book about how religion is designed to take people's money. And I think that's a really good example of that. This temple having so much money.

Yeah, because people get... This book that I'm reading, and it's so funny that I can't believe I hadn't considered this, but it talks about how in the Old Testament, they say, God asks for an offering of a lamb or a burnt offering of an unblemished cow. And all those things are just priests saying what they want to eat. It's like, obviously, God doesn't want a cow. God doesn't want a burnt offering of a sheep. God doesn't want $20 billion worth of jewels.

It's the priests saying God wants these things, and people bring it to the priests. That's what it is. Yeah. They had sacks filled with diamonds piled next to tons, tons of gold coins and jewelry. Apparently, it's fucking incredible. The vaults of the 16th century

Sri Padmanabhaswamy. Hmm, maybe. Temple. The royal chapter of the former rulers of this area of Kerala state. Wow. What is kind of weird to think that you have all these vaults under your temple and you never open them up. Yeah, I mean, how the fuck did people just die and not tell people about this shit? Don't you go under your temple ever?

Well, now the issue is, none of the people know. This is just a little temple in a small town, and now they have, like, a few cops there that are guarding it. But guess what, fuckface? That's not enough. You dummies just went on NBC.com and talked about something that might be worth trillions of fucking dollars. Not, you know, not millions, not billions. There's people that think it could be worth, you know, it may be worth a trillion dollars. Not millions, not billions. There's people that think it could be worth, it may be worth a trillion dollars.

You know what? I have a feeling the United States is going to find some oppressed people over there who need freeing. They found 15-foot-long gold chains. Damn. Wow. 15-foot-long gold chains.

Holy shit, man. It's just, like, man, when I was a kid, if there was any kind of, like, hidden tunnel anywhere, like, I'd go into a sewer. It's like, how has no one gone down into that vault for so long? There's a four-foot-tall solid gold statue studded with emeralds. We used to have this sewage system that went through our whole neighborhood that we used to call candy land as a kid and we would like go it was like

a drainage sewage thing why the fuck did you call it because well one thing is somebody spray painted the entrance so it looked like you're walking into like alice in wonderland or candy land or something like that and you walk through it and i mean somebody dragged a couch in there somehow and then people would sit in there and hang it was like underground so we'd go through these uh streets in the sewage system and pop out these little sewage pipe things and was kind of like we had like this underground tunnel throughout the whole neighborhood yeah it's pretty badass until it rained and then it was just disgusting because it was shit and poop well it was all rainwater and stuff like that, but it still had gross stuff in it. Isn't it incredible in 2011 that they're

finding this in this temple? It makes you wonder what the fuck they found in Egypt. What kind of cool shit was pillaged many, many years ago? Because by the time Western explorers started tapping into those temples in the 1800s, so much of that stuff was already gone. Thousands of years

of grave robbers. People got into temples and stole things. It's one of that stuff was already gone. Thousands of years of grave robbers. Right. People got into temples and stole things. It's one of the more impressive things about when they found Tutankhamen is that they actually discovered it and nobody had gotten to it yet, and they were able to do it within this generation and open this up and expose it to everybody. I wonder how many of those things are still out there.

A ton. I imagine. A ton. Imagine if they got to one and it was like the fucking scene in Alien. Remember seeing in Alien, the first movie, where they found the one giant alien with his chest exploded? It's the best scene ever. It's the best.

When they're looking at this dead alien, trying to figure out what the fuck killed him. How dope would that be if we got into some underground temple and there was the bones of some fucking dead alien. Dead alien. on a spaceship thrown like an anunnaki a dead anunnaki i just went to uh uh the metropolitan museum in new york and they had these ancient this ancient sumerian temple that they've rebuilt there wow it is fucking awesome man it's so cool and like the woman, the museum was telling us that all of it was just stolen. Like all that stuff was stolen from like Iran, I guess. Or like, I guess that stuff came from Iraq, but like, it was really amazing.

If you're going to say Iran, you have to say Iraq. Really? Yeah. Iraq. I get confused about everything I pronounce. When I'm about to pronounce anything, it goes through this weird filter. I'm like Iran, Iran, Iran.

I always say Iran. I always say Iran because that's how I heard it. Jimmy Carter was on TV. I don't have this. I don't know. I'm just kidding. Kidding you. But I'm just saying that people always give me a hard time about it.

No, it's yeah, it's the worst. Like I have no, I don't know that that place. You should not hang out with those people by the me a hard time about it. No, yeah, it's the worst. Like, I have no idea. I don't know. You should not hang out with those people, by the way. Don't say chili. It's not people I know in real life.

It's a message word to people. Chili. You're not supposed to say chili. Chile. Chile. Chile. Chile. Chile and sea bass is delicious.

I had some last night. It's very yummy. I cooked it myself. It's so good. So good. It's supposed to be endangered, though, or something. You're not supposed to eat it. I see why. It's delicious. It is. That's the reason why it's very yummy i cooked it myself good so good it's supposed to be endangered though or something you're not supposed to eat i see why it's delicious it is that's the reason why it's endangered yeah but this stuff was really cool to see man they have like the way they wrote is they have

these you know about the little rollers with the cuneiform cune yeah that's what that's called and they roll it into clay and it's really fucking cool man yeah i went to um the museum of fine arts in boston i believe it's museum of fine arts whatever the museum is there's a one museum that Really fucking cool, man. Yeah, I went to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. I believe it's Museum of Fine Arts. Whatever the museum is, there's one museum that has an ancient Mesopotamian collection, ancient Egyptian, ancient Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. Iraq. Iran, Iran, all that area shit.

But they have a lot of that cuneiform script. It's really cool to think that you're sitting here in this air-conditioned room staring at some piece of clay that someone had written on 6 000 years ago yeah you know and that's how they wrote they wrote in these little up and down little squiggles yeah little lines rather they look like you know what they look like they look like old nails if you go to an old house like when i used to do construction in boston boston is so fucking old that a lot of times you would get houses and you would do demos on these houses like you know have to tear down a wall or something like that and you would have to pull nails out and they would be these

fucking ancient nails where it wasn't like made by a machine where there was like a round flat top and then a tubular you know pointy part on the bottom you know that's like you know straight and no it wasn't like that. They were these weird, almost handmade fucking nail looking things that were cast into some...

Cast iron pegs. They're like old ass fucking... That's what this cuneiform looks like. It looks like all these old nails next to each other and sideways and shit. It's crazy to see that and to see how beautiful those statues are

and how perfectly sculpted they are and to think about how old that civilization was and that somehow we think of them as primitive yeah you know we judge the anything uh that old we just think of it as oh they were crazy they they're not crazy but you know they had these myths where they believed in these winged like bird-headed creatures that they worshipped and it was some kind of uh hallucination that they were all having there's so much controversy about that whole part of the world in that time of the world because uh of zechariah sitchin and so many uh of those guys who study that sumerian text don't agree with him. So it's real hard to figure out who's right and who's wrong.

There's a whole website called SitchinIsWrong.com and it all breaks down. All the stuff about the Anunnaki and all the shit that Sitchin said. Sitchin looked at all those pictures of these giant people from these clay reliefs and looked at all the

the sumerian texts and his deduction after all these years of studying it was that there was some great planet you know 3600 year elliptical orbit that comes between us and and jupiter yeah mars and jupiter every 3600 years and they come to Earth, and then they fucking deal with us every 3,600 years, and this was like, you know, this, everybody else thought that this was the most ridiculous, outlandish science fiction, ridiculous depiction, but the bottom line is, if you look at all those clay tablets, there's so much weird shit to them, there's, why are these people so big, and then there's small people that they're holding in their hands and some of these small people have monkey tails and why

they have the actual solar system of our solar system, like a drawing of it with the planets in the correct order and the correct size including Pluto. People dispute that, man, but look, I've seen the images

and I've seen people compare the images to the actual orbits of Earth, and for an artist's depiction, it's pretty goddamn close. You know, whether it's absolutely accurate or not, just looking at it and saying, how the fuck did they even know about any of this shit? How did they know that there were all these planets out there? How could they distinguish between the stars and those planets? How were they doing that six thousand years ago because i know you and i can't you know we wouldn't be able to do

it if you don't have a telescope how the fuck are you seeing all that shit if what is it just dumb luck that they had this depiction depiction of the sun clearly the sun a circle with even like the little flame marks around it and then they had all these depictions of all these planets and obviously in orbit around the sun sure and big and small that directly represent what is actually out there here's jupiter look how big it is here's mars it's smaller than us i mean it's it was all there it's it's as far as an artist depiction it's an artist depiction of someone who knows what's out there and to think that they knew what's out there 6 000 years ago is pretty trippy i don't understand i have never had a problem believing that aliens came by here at one point and had a little conversation with our dna and i don't know why people have a problem believing that it seems just so clear every single religion talks about something coming

down from the sky i mean where find me a religion that talks about an earth-based deity something that comes up out of the ground something that comes out of the ground it's a the you know the greek gods they lived on mount olympus um the all gods all the great the great spirit and the different um visitors that the native americans about. They came from space. They came... We got visited. It's all because they're on mushrooms, Duncan. It could be that. Or it could be...

Is it possible that what's going on is that these people are all survivors of a civilization that crashed because of some sort of a natural catastrophe back when the world wasn't as connected as it is today? Say what's going on in Japan right now. What's going on in Japan is this crazy, terrible situation. There's tsunamis.

Take away the nuclear power thing, because obviously we're talking about at a time where there was no nuclear power. So everything gets crushed and falls apart, and that part of the world gets destroyed. What if the rest of the world, like, they had to rebuild, but the rest of the world survived independently, and then people came over in helicopters and shit, and these people were still living like people lived you know 10 000 years

ago because of their their collapse and their civilization is destroyed by natural catastrophe maybe they see people landing in jets and in airplanes and shit and they think holy shit these are aliens right is that possible yes yeah it's pa i mean i mean you, it's one of those things where we can never answer it. Yeah, that is the problem, right? That's the big problem. My theory sucks, though. My theory's not fun. It's not fun and or sexy.

Helicopters landed, and those are the UFOs. That's gay. I just think there was a space. Why? Here's what happened. G-H-E-Y. I'll tell you what happened, and I do know. You do?

Yeah. We came from Mars. Mars got attacked by aliens and we had to escape from Mars to come here and we landed and there were some ecological disasters that made us forget all the technology that we learned. That technology got all fragmented up and turned into like religions and magical systems and the Kabbalah and all that stuff is just based on like very ancient metaphysical circuit boards. We're the descendants of these, I don't know, survivors from another planet. We, you know, have some vague race memory of something bigger and we try to translate it in

the form of all of our religions and we all squabble and fight over it. And the squabbling and the fighting is keeping us from reassembling the spaceship that we were building in the beginning. And if we could just get back to work on that goddamn spaceship, then we could... We can't get back to Mars, though, dude. Mars doesn't exist anymore. Mars died off. Joe... What this is... It's inside Mars.

...is, like, lost. It's inside... It's like our show lost. Yeah. It's inside Mars. It's like lost. It's like our show lost, except we are 100,000 generations of people living on this island, and we've completely forgotten that it's an island. That's it. That's what it is. That's it.

You've got to get back to Mars. But inside Mars. It's inside Mars. That's where it is. There's all this. Haven't you seen those pictures of those giant holes in the side of Mars? No. It's in the volcanoes, Duncan.

There's volcanoes on Mars? Yes. New information. It's invisible. Call Richard Hoagland. Richard Hoagland will connect. Look, this rock connects exactly 15 meters from that rock, which goes over to here, which is this multi-sided pyramid.

Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Multi-sided what? And you got to look at it sideways and squint. What are you seeing that I'm not seeing? It's pixelation. Those guys are crazy. We will never know. It's a big mystery.

That's the fun of it. The idea, though, is the Nubians believed that. The Nubians believed they came from Mars. That was the ancient Nubian folklore. Something happened. They were the Nubians. Part of Africa? Yeah.

That is what happened there was a we got attacked by the fucking zerg or we got hit by a meteor man maybe we're super maybe that was the real ancient civilization that we got attacked by asteroids you know that we lived on mars and mars got hammered by asteroids we lost our environment and so we had we just took a spaceship and flew here you know 20 000 years ago and mingled with apes that and so we had we just took a spaceship and flew here you know 20,000 years ago and mingled with apes that and then we forgot about everything we forgot about our spaceship yeah it's so we got here yep i that's what i think it is now you've got these weirdos parading around as the priests of religion how long would it take imagine this imagine if you have a spaceship and

the spaceship can carry 4,000 people and leave. And take these 4,000 people from Earth, and because of some shifting of the solar system, the balance, all of a sudden Earth becomes uninhabitable, but Mercury is, or Venus is, or there's another planet that is. Let's just say we go back to Mars. We terraform Mars. Yeah.

Let's say we terraform Mars, and they've done it successfully to the point where they show you, like, Mars is inhabitable, and you saw people fishing on Mars and having a good time, and vacationing and tailgating and shit. And 4,000 people get on a ship to avoid Earth's disaster,

and they land on Mars. How long would it take? How many generations before we completely forgot what happened? Because, like, 4,000 generations, or 4,000 people, right? If you get 4,000 people, you'd have to get scientists and educators and philosophers. You'd have to get scientists and educators and philosophers you would have to like mix it up really carefully because you would want as much of our civilization to carry on as possible but how many generations would it take before we completely forgot what happened well you maybe maybe like you know it depends on the how we're

storing our information that's the what are we storing our information on? Well, these things, man, you know, if you're doing it on little SD cards, you're doing it on these little SD cards, right? You fucking can lose these, dude. Sure. Shit can go wrong. Look how tiny that is. What if you have this and then, you know, we have to start from scratch or some sort of Mad Max situation and you have to invent some new way to read these things?

If you and I had all the time in the world to come up with a way to read this, we would never solve it. So what, so what you would do after the information devices start getting wiped out, something happens where the information devices get wiped out. So then you're going to start, I suppose, trying to encode the information on things that will last,

you know, and that's where you... Stone. That's why those Georgia Guidestones. Yeah, right. That kind of stuff. Could you imagine if you just said, when you said encode, I thought of it for a second. I said, wow, encode is an interesting way of putting it.

Can you imagine if it's actually encoded in DNA? You know, we know that we can embed things. We can embed, you know, I mean, if a human being or an animal or anything is really just information, chemicals, all these different materials that are interacting with each other, if we can introduce something into that system, whether it's a biological system or a plant or something, where you can actually encode information into its genetics, where you could pull that information out almost as if it's like a USB one zero yeah ones and zeros you can inject information

like maybe that's what the Fibonacci code is maybe the the Fibonacci code the golden ratio the the you know the universal golden ratio maybe what what what things like of those nature you know like things like what what makes a sunflower seed so beautiful and it's this exponential sort of mathematics that's involved in it all. Maybe that really is like the code of the universe encoded into everything in nature. Maybe that's a signature designer. That's a signature of whatever software designer came up with this virtual

universe. That's how he signs everything or it signs everything with like some kind of like ratio. That's how you know who made this stuff. That's his signature. This is his dimension. Oh, that's his shit. His signature. This is his dimension. Yeah, this is his dimension. I sign everything with a Fibonacci sequence.

Could you imagine if maybe there's an infinite number of universes? Maybe you guys smoke too much weed. Well, we sure have. We sure have. There's no doubt about that. But could you imagine if there is the possibility, we were talking earlier about this guy Wiener getting busted for pulling his dick out,

how weird it seems that as time goes on things seem more and more like a movie like this michelle bachman character or any so many things that are going on the hypocrisy of this great world you know the the fall of the free market system the interjection of tax dollars into it and the fucking the scandal that's erupted left and right over every single aspect of it it starts to look more and more like a movie. Well, could you imagine if, as time goes on, the things that you can do right now with Second Life and the things that you can do right now with some sort of a simulator game online are pretty goddamn spectacular, but nothing compared to what they're going to be able to accomplish a thousand, a hundred thousand, a million years from now. A million years from now,

there could be architects of their own universe and there could be built in humor built into these universes that as the game gets closer and closer to being over, it becomes more and more ridiculous to the point where it forces you to recognize that, oh my God, this is all fake. This is all the figment of someone's imagination and computer programming. Or how about this? Instead of saying it's fake, how about it's just a form of university, getting you ready for something, and as you get closer and closer to graduation,

things become more and more absurd. And waiting at the end of this thing is this hilarious surprise party with all your friends who put you under so that you could experience this thing. You had a really interesting point once, a theory an idea that you had about the universe being your own life and that as you get closer and closer to your mortal death more and more catastrophes start to take place in the world though the the news is constantly filled with carnage and horrible things. And what this really is is your own mortality slowly slipping away. And I always think about that.

When the simulator fades out and you blink back into your true existence, I think it's this weird sense of like, oh, wait. You mean that if I just focused, I could have turned the entire planet into a paradise? And they're like, yeah, that was totally one of the things you could have done. If you wanted to, and you'd focused, and you'd used the strength that was inside of you, and you'd managed to project all of your positivity out into the world, you could have transformed this particular planet into a new Garden of Eden.

But you decided to write some jokes, which is cool. Hey, next time. We'll do it next time. Maybe it'll work next time. You're doing more than writing jokes. Just doing this podcast, having these conversations, you know, putting this kind of information out like the way we do it every week. I think we're letting people in on a different way of thinking and people get invested in it and they get involved in it and it helps their fucking life, man. I get messages from people all day about it. And when I see, when I do the podcast or do comedy shows rather, and people come up to me over and over again, they tell me how much they love the conversations

and about how much they love the opportunity to kind of re-look at life, to look at life through a different lens. You're not just, by just doing this podcast, you're not just writing jokes. You're allowing people to look at a possible other path and to be inspired by a group of people that are like their friends that are in their ear. Like all you people listening right now, we are like your online friend. We are. We're in your ear right now, and we're going to continue to do this, and we'll be a part of your life,

and it'll enhance your life, and it'll help. So you're doing more than that, dude. Well, and also, the awesome thing is there is a reciprocity because I keep getting these awesome posts from people who hear stuff I say, they're like oh well this is like this is this is what you were talking about like i've been thinking about this thing

uh talking about this thing with natasha called interpersonal environmentalism which is this idea that true environmentalism is not going out into the world into like way out in the world to try to make it better but it's like dealing with what's happening with you and your closest circle of friends and what's happening in your ecosystem to try to clean that up first and um i had this idea of how if a large enough group of people if a collective of consumers got together then they could shut down any corporation they wanted to if it reached a big enough number of people that could instantaneously do boycotts and stuff and someone facebooked me this thing about something called collective consumerism and this guy did this weird experiment and it's some group called carrot mob i think and the the youtube video he made was kind of cheesy but the experiment itself was badass which is he went to all he

wanted to see what would happen if he could organize people on a local level is he went to all, he wanted to see what would happen if he could organize people on a local level. And he went to all these different liquor stores and he said, Hey, if I get a giant group of people to come in here and buy a shitload of stuff, will you donate 20% of the proceeds to turning your liquor store into a more eco-friendly liquor store with better lights, better, whatever, wiring so that you don't burn as much energy and it's better for the environment. So like he went to all these liquor stores and one liquor store said we'll give 20 of whatever you make us from this mob you're talking about to making it more eco-friendly so they ended up getting at this little liquor store they ended up getting a giant fucking around the block line of people waiting in line to

buy shit from this liquor store as a form of activism the place made in three hours ten thousand dollars and ended up donating like you know a big percentage of that now it's an eco friendly liquor store and this is all because of one guy this is all because one guy came up with this experiment what happens if we organize consumers because his theory is a great idea too because he's not asking them to do anything with that money that's bad for the business it's only going to help their business that was his logic that's brilliant because corporations just want to make money so if you could organize people at a big enough level and you go to corporations and say hey we're going to swarm you and buy a shitload of stuff from

you on this day on the condition that you make these changes in your corporation that's the theory behind it it's pretty cool that's a brilliant idea and you picked this up on twitter someone twittered this to you someone popped it on my facebook page and it's like that that helps me a lot in like you know philosophies that i'm developing and things I'm thinking about right now, which is that is the cool thing, man. Every day. Every day I get Twitter messages, Facebook messages. I get messages from people who are interesting. They send me interesting links.

You create sort of a like minded group of humans, you know better place, you can make your world a better place, and you are. And we're all making our world a better place. By being cool to our friends, by surrounding ourselves with positive and interesting, creative, inspiring people, you make your world better. By having good times all the time because you're always around people where you enjoy each other's company and you feel energized by each other. By doing that and creating your own immediate small world and then by doing what we're doing and then broadcasting this ideal and showing your success with this and showing, inspiring people with this thing, this is not something that requires money. This requires focus and intelligence, honesty and objectivity,

but it just requires your energy. It requires you to do it. And we can all do it. We can all surround ourselves with people that are cool and be cool to the people that are around us all the time and don't take anything less. Some people need religion for that. And that's one of the things that religion does a good job of, of programming people to be a good Christian. If you're a true Christian and follow true Christianity, which most people call themselves a Christian, sadly don't. Most people are crying out for fucking death to Osama bin Laden. God hates fags.

And I'm a Christian. We don't tolerate that. They're not really listening to the actual words that are in the Bible. But to be a good Christian is to subscribe to an ideology that is going and moving your life in the direction of the positive at all times. To look out for your neighbors. To be a good person. All those things, these are guidelines to live a happy, productive life.

To put yourself in the right frequency, like you were talking about in terms of your own personal depression. That you weren't in the right frequency. You weren't in the right state of mind because of nutrition, because of health, because of your own way of looking at the life. Yeah, and you can get it together, bitches. Yeah, get it together because this is the thing, man. We really, I really believe that if enough people organize using the Internet, this rudimentary nervous system that's springing up around a planet. using the internet, this rudimentary nervous system that's springing up around a planet, if enough people really start using it in the right way, like this guy did in a very micro level with this carrot mob idea, if people start using it in the right way, I

think you could turn this fucked up simulator into some kind of amazing new world. You could. You could. And you know what? People complain sometimes that this issue gets brought up more than once on the podcast, but I'll give you a reason for that. There's a quote that someone read. I don't know who it was that wrote it, but someone had it on their Twitter recently. It's a genius quote that I've heard for years, but I always forget.

Inspiration is like bathing. It's effective, but only for a short period of time. That's why we recommend it every day. Wow, that's cool, yeah. And inspiration, you know, in this form of reiterating things that you and I already believe in and already know. If we were just sitting here having this conversation alone, even if there wasn't a microphone, even though this is some shit that we have talked about maybe 50 fucking times in the past,

we would still be talking about it again. Yeah. Because it's important to keep ourselves on this frequency. Yeah, and it's the main, I mean, also, yes, exactly.'s important to keep ourselves on this frequency yeah and it's the main i mean also yes exactly you got to stay on this frequency and it's it's it's a it's what's more exciting than continually reminding yourself that you are part of you know some what some people call the apocalypse or the singularity and and you're part of that you're hopefully part of what's helping, you know, human beings evolve to a place that's, that's better. That's, that's, and I don't mean

me or you as individuals. I mean, as we represent, you know, that the carrot mob thing, I didn't think of that. That came from someone tuning into what we're doing and then we're turning, tuning into what they're doing. And it's the beginning of some big idea. That's what it is. It's the beginning of some amazing idea that's going to come out of all this technology and all, and this kind of dialogue that, that I think will,

um, you know, I don't know what it'll do. It'll be something amazing. Things, people can find things that resonate with them and create things that resonate with them as opposed things that resonate with them As opposed to looking for something

That's already established That's part of the mainstream That's already out there that you can tune into If you don't have a means of broadcasting To other humans and letting people know Which was the norm for most of the world For the last Fucking X amount of thousands of years

Up until recently The best you could do is write a book, and God knows how long it takes for your fucking book to get read by people. It takes a long-ass time. Nowadays, you could write one fucking true Twitter post, and it gets retweeted to a million people, and that idea is out there, man. One blog entry, one Twitter post to a blog entry that gets retweeted,

and that idea becomes out there. You never had the opportunity to organize people before like you can today. So now someone could come up with an idea like this, like getting this group activism thing going on where you just support businesses that are more eco-friendly and encourage them to be more eco-friendly. You never had the opportunity to do that before.

So now people can do things and find things that resonate with them. Speaking of resonating, this weekend we're resonating like a motherfucker at the Irvine Improv. Come on down. It's me, Joey Diaz, and we would love to have Ari,

or Duncan rather, but Duncan had to go to fucking Seattle. I'm resonating at the Parlor Live. I'm going to be resonating at the Parlor Live in Seattle, and I think that's in Bellevue, but you can look up Parlor Live Comedy on the internet, and I'm going to be performing there with Natasha Leggero, so you should come to that.

And I hear that that place is the fucking shit. Really? It's amazing, yeah. Oh, awesome. I keep hearing from comics, I keep hearing that it's the spot to go to. So many comics I know that have been there and had a great time. Apparently, it also has a billiards hall next to it. It's connected to a pool hall. Cool. Which, to me, is crack. You haven't been there and had a great time. Apparently, it also has a billiards hall next to it. It's connected to a pool hall.

Cool. Which, to me, is crack. You haven't been there yet, huh? No. No, because last time I did Seattle, I did a theater. I did the Moore. Because I'm kind of big time now. I guess you are.

Woo! But I would do it, totally. I would do that Pollard Live, man. I keep hearing great things about it. And I know every time I look at the lineup, there's great comics there. But that's you. This weekend, I am at the Irvine there's great comics there. But that's you. This weekend, I am at the Irvine Improv.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday. That's this weekend. Aren't we at the Ice House soon, Brian? I'm at the Ice House Thursday night. You're at the Ice House Thursday night? And I think you were at the Ice House, but I think maybe... Yeah. I don't know.

Your schedule's all weird right now. Oh, Ice House, Pasadena. No, I'm still there. 22nd and the 23rd of July. But this weekend at the Irvine Improv, it is almost sold out. Friday's almost sold out. Saturday's almost sold out. There's some tickets left for Sunday, but they're going to sell out too, probably. Especially if we keep talking about it. So that's it for today. we want to thank Duncan Trussell

because he's the fucking man and we always have the coolest conversations and you always take it to places where I've had a million conversations with you but you're like the psychedelic Joey Diaz you always take things to a place where like wow this motherfucker still has stories

at all these times of talking, you still have weird, interesting shit to bring up. Thanks, Joe. We have the best conversations, man. I agree. I love talking to you. Likewise. And you're the number one, as far as like people asking for get someone back on the podcast, you're number one with a bullet by a long shot. Well, thanks, you guys. Thank you.

And support Duncan. Drunken. Support my drunkenness. This should be your new character Drunken Trussell that's what you should do you should do it on stage I always used to call him Drunken Trust Me

because he always says trust me Drunken Trust Me and Duncan Trussell's Twitter name there's D-U-N-C-A-N-T-U-S T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L

so there's two S's and two L's in Trussell. And you can get Duncan on Twitter, or you can get him at DuncanTrussell.com. But go see him at the Parler Live with Natasha. She's fucking hilarious as well. It's a great show. And like I said, I heard that that place is awesome.

It's supposed to be a great club. And that's it. Joe Diaz is with me at Irvine this weekend, and we'll be back. I don't think we're going to be doing one tomorrow. I'm trying to organize something. But Anthony Bourdain is coming up in the pause course. George Sokolakoulis, whatever the fuck his name is, from Ancient Aliens, who's cool as fuck.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah, we got Dice Clay in the mix. We're trying to work on getting him. When is Ancient Aliens? Ancient Aliens is on the History Channel. No, when's your show with him? 27th of July. Badass.

Yeah, I'm so excited. We hung out with him in Vegas. We had a great conversation about aliens, too. We're going to put that on video as soon as Brian gets his lazy ass off his girlfriend's fucking couch and pieces that shit together.

Son! Brian, you going to do some time this weekend? Can the fans look forward to seeing a Reichel invasion at the Irvine Improv? Sure. Oh, you enthusiastic bastard.

Fucking get this kid on Ritalin. Juice him up with some Starbucks. At the end of the show, he's got nothing left. Look at him. Pick it up. Pick it up. What if we had to do

another hour right now? I haven't gone to sleep yet today. That's not what it is. You had a rough night. He had a rough night. He had a rough night. All right. Pot's good for autism.

Duncan Trussell's the shit. Those are our messages for today. We'll see you guys soon. Thanks, Joe. Thank you very much. And we love you. And we love The Fleshlight for sponsoring the Joe Rogan podcast.

If you go to fleshlight.com or if you go to joerogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, it will take you to fleshlight.com and where you enter in the code name Rogan, you will now receive a massive discount on your new girlfriend. So scratch together those shekels

and fire up your hog. Shoot a load in that rubber girlfriend and we'll see you bitches soon love you all thank you very much bye