The Joe Rogan Experience - #1223 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: January 11, 2019

Greg Fitzsimmons is a writer and stand-up comedian. He also hosts a podcast with Alison Rosen called "Childish" available on Spotify.

that's it wow a two count from young jamie Gregory how are you fella Joe Rogan always a pleasure to be back in the what I love is that you kept this studio the same as the old one, because the vibe was perfect. I tried to recreate it. I felt like as long as we had the desk, we have the heart. We have the heart of the studio. The rest of it is just stuff. And Jamie, the heart.

And Jamie. There's something about... I really think that when you use a desk for a long time, there's something about desks. Like if you found out like Hunter S. Thompson's desk was for sale, you'd be like, holy shit. Fuck yeah. I want to get my hands on that thing. That's got some ooze. Right.

You know, he wrote on this? Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Nice old, one of those old like railway station roll top desks yeah oh those are the best yeah i'm gonna protect my shit while i'm out so nobody reads my journal one of my all-time favorite photos of him was him typing in big sir like sitting on like this this outside table typing i think he's on the edge of a cliff or something like that in the background.

You see the water? Yeah. You know that photo, Jamie? Yeah, that's it right there. Oh, look at that. With the pipe, yeah. Dude, that is one of the most iconic writing photos of all time. Hunter S. Thompson with hair with a typewriter in front of the water at Big Sur in probably like 1960

something. And you know his schedule. Did you ever read his schedule? His daily schedule? Not only did I read it. You lived it. I read it on air and I might have read it on air with you. Yeah, I think you did.

It's a self-portrait. How wow. So he took the picture himself. Wow. So this was in... This is in Big Sur. That was when he was in the early stages

of his eruption. That was right around when he was writing Hell's Angels probably. Yeah. 61? That motherfucker was unique. Did you ever see his documentary? No. There's That motherfucker was unique. Yeah. Did you ever see his documentary? No.

There's a couple of really good ones, but the one that was the mainstream one, what was that? Yeah. Gonzo. Yeah, it was called Gonzo. And then there was another one that was made by BBC that's really good, too. But, yeah, if you could get a hold of fucking Hemingway's desk, like, wow. Yeah.

Hemingway may be like, it's worth too much. Like you wouldn't want to write on it. Yeah, that's true. You know, it's Hemingway's desk. Like, I can't write on this fucking thing. If it was Hunter's desk, I'd totally write on it. Well, first you scrape the excess Coke off the top. Just lick it.

Lick it off. Wipe the jism from the underside of the table. Get the vag sauce off the sides. Yeah. What about its typewriter? How much do you think its typewriter was for? Hemingway's house and hangouts preserved in Havana.

Wow. So they preserved where he lived. And I wonder if that's where he killed himself. I think he was in Cuba when he killed himself. Wow. Yeah, man. His style of writing and that whole bravado that went with him, he was a different cat.

that went with him, he was a different cat. It was like a, you thought of him as like an aggressive male writer. Like that's an odd thing. Like Hemingway. Right. You know, he was aggressive. Yeah. It wasn't, I mean, even Stephen King for all his most horrific depictions of violence and gore and terror in his books he's not thought of as like

a supposing physical thing well hemiway was in the war yeah you know yeah he was at his elderly age he was uh he used to go skiing in the winter in uh i think it was switzerland and they would all uh there was no chairlifts back then so you would fucking grab your 50 pound skis and walk up the side of the alps jesus for like a half a day to take one fucking run and he would do that every day that must be amazing for you yeah god damn the kind of exercise like carrying skis uphill in the snow yeah that's incredible exercise like i bet they were jacked i bet those skiers from the olden days yeah they had to be like crazy athletes yeah and the skis were long back down they were like twice

as long as they are now when did anybody figure out a ski lift? I don't know. But I mean, Hemingway would have been skiing in what, the 1930s? 1927. God damn, dude. Yeah. They walk uphill and ski down. You got to be dedicated. How good are you ever going to get? I mean, normally you do, in a day, maybe you do a dozen runs going up a couple miles. And this one, you do one run.

That's it. Yeah, you got to be dedicated. Try getting a lazy person to do that. Lazy people will ski. You know what I mean? Because you just kind of get into it, and you can la-di-da-di-da. You don't have to like get crazy. Right. You can just ski.

Like I'm not good, so I ski like a lazy person. Yeah. I just like don't fall, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall, didn't fall. That's literally me skiing because I've had knee surgery. You had three knee surgeries. Oh, it's crazy. It's crazy how quickly you can fuck up your body skiing. I am so – I've skied my whole life life i've never had an injury and i ski hard i hit every

fucking jump i can find you might be the only one that i know that like my friend matt he broke his ankle ari broke his ankle and it happened in the course of like just a year yeah two friends at school parents at school blew out their ACLs. Ow! You don't want to do that when you're 43. You don't. Right, that's the thing is you get to a certain age and the risk reward because injuries take so much longer to heal and you have so much less time to live.

You just, the math doesn't work anymore to ski. You gotta protect your knees if you can. Your knees are so goddamn important whenever people have like hurt knees and they keep working out i always cringe yeah they're like yeah i'm not gonna get it fixed i'm just gonna rehab it i'm like what are you talking about rehabbing you're not rehabbing you're just gonna ignore the fact you don't have an acl yeah like rehabbing yeah was it gonna fix it's not gonna you don't have the stability in Yeah. Like rehabbing. Yeah. Was he going to fix it? He's not going to, you don't have the stability in your knee.

So there's a lot of guys who blow it out and they keep exercising and they just chew the inside of their knee apart. Yeah. Yeah. I got something going on in my, the inside of my left knee for two fucking months. If I try to squat down, it kills. There's like a tendon on the inside of the knee. And so I'm going to start some physical therapy this week to try to figure it out.

Because I can't. I haven't exercised in fucking two months. Just because of this one thing? Well, what am I going to do? I do more cardio. I don't really lift that much. Have you ever thought about getting like PRP or Regenikine or anything into it? Oh, no.

What's that? Well, PRP is platelet-rich plasma. And what they do is they take your blood and there's some sort of a process they do, and they separate it, and then they take this platelet-rich plasma, and they inject it into the wounded area and accelerates healing. A lot of people have really good results with that. Yeah. And then there's this stuff called Regenikine that's like platelet-rich plasma,

but it's apparently the next step up and what they do is they heat your blood and by heating it it produces something i'm for sure if you're a doctor i'm so sorry that i'm butchering this if you're a scientist but i think it produces some sort of uh anti-inflammatory serum because your blood is reacting to the heat. Right. Here it explains. I've had this done and it was really effective. Really? Yeah. Serum removed from the layer and cultured with glass beads so that white blood cells

produce IRAP, which is a natural anti-inflammatory. Glass beads going into your knee? I don't understand what that's saying. It says serum is removed from this layer and cultured with glass beads. So it's removed after the platelet-rich plasma. So they make the platelet-rich plasma. They get the serum, and then they culture it so that the white blood cells produce this natural anti-inflammatory. So they trick the white blood cells, I guess, maybe for lack of a better word.

So they trick the white blood cells, I guess, maybe for lack of a better word. Anyway, so this shit, it's really good for accelerating your recovery process for an injury. A lot of people do it if they get surgery. They get surgery and then they have some of this done too. It accelerates the healing. Right. Especially as you get older. It just provides you with – it's actually natural too. You don't have to worry about it. But it provides you with this, just an extra boost of healing.

Yeah. For weird neck injuries and back injuries people like it for. Right. It's really good for lower back injuries. A lot of it is inflammation, you know? And so then they, is it local? They shoot the blood into the area? Yeah.

That's her? Yeah. It's freaky. They put this little needle in you and then they screw the blood cap in there, and now it's yellow. It's like this yellow serum. They squirt it into your back, and you're like, whoa. Damn. It's weird.

Yeah, it's weird. Think they would do my cock? Yeah, they'll thicken it up for you. But I want your blood in my cock. Dude, I don't know if that's legal. I want your blood in my cock. Dude, I don't know if that's legal. You can sell all kinds of things, right? But you can't sell somebody your own blood.

Is that right? I don't think so. Do you think you could sell your own blood? I mean, if you go to like a blood bank, right? I'm sure there's a website you could probably do that. Yeah. Do you think so? Oh, like a dark web type deal?

Yeah, like that whole myth about selling people's kidneys. Yeah. I'm sure William Shatner would be doing it if he could. No, if you could just, like, if someone was selling blood, like some, you know, there's a lot of those young, enterprising young gals on the internet that sell, like, dirty socks. Oh, yeah. They sell toenail clips and shit. I'm not kidding, man.

I'm not kidding. Yeah. I'm not kidding. Yeah. Nothing goes to waste. No, nothing goes to waste. Blood for sale. India's illegal red market. What is this, Jamie? Oh, this is like, they're doing it like medically, though.

In an alleyway. Yeah, but that's how they do it there. Man, that's crazy. Yeah, but that's how they do it there. Man, that's crazy. Is there still a ban on Haitian people and gay people giving blood? That's a very good question. Because they've gotten so close to stopping HIV.

Yeah. They can get it, like, correct me if I'm wrong. They can get it, like, to the point where you can't even detect it. Oh, yeah. Which is incredible. Yeah. And now in the third world, because my friend Peter Currant, he lives in Zimbabwe. No, Mozambique. And he used to work for the health department in L.A. County.

He was the guy that was in charge of AIDS prevention. And so he got a job working over in Africa. And he said that you can now cure, not cure, but stabilize somebody with HIV with a pill that's like $60 a month or something like that.

Wow. Yeah, they've got the price way down in Africa now. That's incredible. Why is there so many cases of HIV in Africa? Well, I think when nutrition is poor, then there's more cutting and bleeding. Because I had heard that a lot of what you see in terms of like if they're talking about AIDS in Africa, that it's very easy to put AIDS,

like put like that category AIDS, that sometimes it's just people with damaged immune systems from a host of different diseases, that it's sometimes the people aren't getting tested. I always wondered like how many of those people are tested for HIV? Right, right. But the fact that a guy like Magic Johnson has had it since, you remember when you heard Magic Johnson, I was in a panic.

Yeah. I felt like it was a zombie movie. Like, it's happened. It started. And then people are just going to get it. We're all going to die of AIDS. Everybody, when our generation, when you and I were like 21, that's what everybody thought.

Everyone's going to die from AIDS. Right. Now Magic Johnson looks great. He's still alive. Yep. Think of how many people have died we didn't have hiv and we're worried about this one thing i remember he wanted to he wanted to play the all-star game and all the players were like no i'm good it's gonna be a slam dunk

contest dude jesus christ but what did what did fucking damon Wayans used to have a bit about Dennis Rodman? Dude, it was about Dennis Rodman spitting in Magic Johnson's mouth to accelerate his symptoms. He's like, if he wanted to try to get hardcore with him. I hope Damon's, I'm a huge Damon Wayans fan, so I hope I'm not butchering his bit. But I think that was one of, I know that was his line.

I'll spit in your mouth and accelerate your symptoms. Dude, Damon Wayans, in my opinion, is like one of the most ignored greats. I agree 100%. I used to open for him sometimes.

And twice I remember him coming in on a Thursday night. It was Thursday to Sunday, Fannie Hall Comedy Connection. Thursday night he comes in, fucking yellow pads. He goes up and just regurgitates a new hour and gets okay laughs for a new hour friday night he comes back tighter tighter sunday night it's like he would fucking destroy with a new hour it was crazy he's really good man yeah he would go out he would just go up at the comedy store and literally let whatever thought came into his head.

And he would take long sets. And he would take that stuff and he would turn that stuff into killer closing bits. Yeah. But for whatever reason, I think he just got into doing sitcoms more. Right. It was like, nah, fuck it. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. That's an interesting family, man. They grew up in the projects in manhattan dude talent in that family yeah keenan damon marlin sean i mean jesus christ yeah that's a lot of killers and isn't damon's son doing stand-up too now yeah dude a damon jr right what a crazy family. I know. That's a crazy, you better be in show business in that family or you're doomed. Yeah.

I mean, think about that. It's like. Right? If you want to compete with your brothers, Keenan Avery Wayans, Damon Wayans, Kim Wayans, Sean Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Damian Dante Wayans, Damian Wayans Jr. That's all of them. Yeah. All of them in show business. It's amazing.

Yep. Good looking, too. Kenan had a fucking great talk show. Oh, yeah. He had great writers. He was really good as a talk show host. Yeah, he was. It's a talented fucking family, man.

Yep. But for whatever reason, man, Damon did this one HBO special, and I think he called it his last stand. And it was really good, man. It was really good. And the end of it, he just throws the microphone down and says, like, this is the last time I'm doing stand-up. Oh, no shit. Yeah.

Wow. It's just like he decided he was going to do movies. That's it. Last stand with a question mark. He just got into other stuff. But I'm telling you, man, when he was like, go up and above, go to that photo. That was the stage, the beret wearing stage. Yeah.

Dude, I'm telling you, people forgot. he's one of the best yeah one of the best ever dude he would murder that one particular special it's just murderous he had a lot of great sets yep on television but just like real original too like one of those guys where you'd watch him and you go god damn why didn't i think of that well and his voices were so fucking good you know a lot of times people do their girlfriend voice and it's just it just sucks it just sounds like the guy raising his voice there's no like right female intonation to it or anything and his kids voices and his wife or girlfriend they're fucking amazing yeah yeah they're oh and then of course it's like richard pryor so good i mean he had so many characters in living color how about handyman you could never do that yeah you know that's right

you could never do that yeah a homeless guy dude that's another show in living color is another show that people forget they forget how good it was. Yeah, there is. There's Handyman. They don't even show reruns of that show, do they? They're afraid. I still can't show reruns of Handyman. Yeah. I remember when it was on TV, man.

No one could stop saying, homie, don't play that. Yeah. Everybody would say that. Everybody was like, homie, don't play that. Like, every kid would say that. Yeah. Because homie the clown. Homie, don't play that. Yeah. Everybody would say that. Everybody was like, homie don't play that. Like, every kid would say that. Yeah. Because homie the clown, homie don't play that.

People forgot. People fucking forgot about homie the clown. They should come back, Netflix, please, throw some money at getting

No, they tried to do it. They just tried to do it and it all fell apart. What happened? I don't know, they had big money and I don't know. They had big money. And I don't know if it was going to be the original cast.

I might have been part of the original cast. I bet what happened was Jennifer Lopez didn't want to be a fly girl. Yeah, right. She's like, no. She should jump on that shit. That would be so cool. If she jumped back in and was a fly girl again, I mean, how much time would it take her? Not that much time.

No, she's there. She's there. I mean, she probably could dance in her sleep, right? Yep. Yep. Damn time would it take her? Not that much time. No, she's there. She's there. I mean, she probably could dance in her sleep, right? Yep. Damn. I would love that.

She's too big to be a fly girl. Yeah, but... I wonder who else was a fly girl. Any other famous ones? Dude, that show was so good. I remember watching it.

I was playing pool in Yonkers, New York. And I looked up at this TV set and it was Jim Carrey doing the fire marshal bill. I was like, what the fuck is going on? This guy's got a burnt up face? That's a character?

Rosie Perez was the choreographer for the first four seasons. Wow. You know, Rosie Perez is a giant boxing fan. Oh, yeah? Huge, giant boxing fan. Huh. Wow. You know, Rosie Perez is a giant boxing fan. Oh, yeah? Huge, giant boxing fan. Huh. Yeah. Like, people, like, she's like a boxing expert.

Not like an expert, like she could train fighters, but, like, people ask her questions about boxing. She's a real enthusiast. That's a better term instead of an expert. I mean, maybe she is an expert. I don't know. Huh. But she is always around boxing. I think it's so, because you always think of her

as having that cute voice and all those comedies and to see her at boxing matches and really be into it it's like wow it's cool and Jim Carrey I mean Jesus Christ

he would do the convenience store security guy and he was just so big so big so different than like i mean you have to go back to jerry lewis to think about somebody doing physical comedy that well yeah he was he was a 10 like his energy and everything was yeah like the fucking ace ventura movie yeah like that movie was just all performance yeah what is this one what What is this? Vera DeMilo. Dude, that fucking show was so good. Yeah. People forgot. Yeah.

Yeah, there's Fire Marshal Bill. So I was in this pool hall, and I looked up, and I'm like, what the fuck is that? And they're like, that's Fire Marshal Bill. That's what it is. He came in like that. I was like, that is the creepiest shit I have ever seen. I can't believe they have a character like this. It was so over the top do you think jim carrey or maybe uh that one of the

waynes brothers has bought up the rights for reruns because they don't want that blowback yeah no it's a different era you have to accept it's a different era you just people are different look people are changing and it's a really interesting obvious sign that things that were super acceptable and when was this in leaving color i want to say it was like 92 90 to 94 90 to 94 yeah so that the way you could do certain bits and what you get away with and put on television was just different so i think that's one of the like probably one of the least understood things that's happening with us with social media is this rapid evolution of what's acceptable not acceptable anymore and it's changing very quickly in terms of subjects in terms of the way you

approach things in terms of like obvious bigotry or obvious bias it's like it's all getting very highlighted well i think the big question is whether or not you see an artist as somebody who's taking their inner vision and putting it out and you go for the ride or you don't yeah or is it are we supposed to be representing society in our stand-up or is it all supposed to be fair balanced representations of different ethnic groups and genders you know and and it's like when did it all have to become a morality tale when did every depiction of every race have to be fair yeah can't you have an asshole who's black can't you have a killer who's gay without it becoming a depiction of that entire you know subgroup yeah it's like if what our real problem is that prejudice does exist so when it

does exist you kind of look for it in things and you say hey this has the characteristics of prejudice i see this here i see what you're doing here that i think this is prejudice we say no no this is making fun of puerto rican men this is not prejudice yeah this is a an account of real occurrences that i've turned into humor. The flamboyant masculinity of Puerto Rican men. I mean, like, in New York, that's, if you thought of a type of Latino

sort of the bravado, the music, the food, everything spicy. If you can't make fun of that, come on. I know. Colin Quinn does a whole thing about how- It doesn't have to be racist, right? Puerto Ricans are never inside or outside.

They're always both. There's always a window open and people on the inside and outside are talking. The car door is always open. They're half in the car. They're half- Right. This isn't racist. This is-

Observation. Can I make an observation? Can I tell you that yesterday, about twice a week, I go to this Japanese market in Mar Vista, and they've got all different kinds of, you know, you can get sushi, tempura, whatever. The parking lot for this place, because 80% of the people there are Asian, film it and put it on a fucking television channel. It is just people. Why don't you produce it?

I could announce it like I was A.J. Foyt. You're an Emmy Award winning writer. You could actually do something like that. You're like a legit writer. You could totally produce that. Can you imagine announcing it like NASCAR? It's just people not getting how to get out of a parking spot without

taking like 8K turns. And people on the wrong side of the street and backing up without looking over the shoulders and they're all asian and it's fucking hilarious i didn't i didn't tell them to do it i didn't say it was wrong but it's happening yeah they've explained it um why it's a stereotype but why also why asian Asian people would be more likely to walk straight. And if you go to China or if you go to any of those Asian countries, when people walk straight at each other, they all kind of have this way of touching. And there's so many people. They're just grinding past each other.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you're in china in particular people are like indifferent to bumping into you it doesn't bother them at all they just bump into you like if you're in the aisle of a plane they just bump into you yeah like they'll do it to little kids just walk right through you right it's just that's how they it's not rude just like how it's culturally different because it's more crowded why can't you comment on that why couldn't you comment on that?

Why couldn't you comment on that if that's a real thing? Because that is a real thing. They do do that. They also do a lot of great stuff. I mean, it's not like you're not – it's a negative judgment on the entire race because they have this one characteristic. But to ignore that one characteristic seems crazy. It's like, why can't I talk about something? It's not mean.

I'm not a bad person to talk about a real thing that you see and I see. Yeah. Like, what is that? I get booed on stage sometimes now. That never used to happen. For what? What do you say? I did a joke.

We don't have to say the joke, but just like. I'll say it. I don't care because I don't think it's offensive. But this person did. And it was, you know, I go, oh, it's Girl Scout cookie season. Those little whores are out there popping up their tables wherever you are, selling those stale, shitty, overpriced cookies. But you buy them because it makes you feel good, like you're a good person, you know.

And then you walk through the parking lot and some black kid comes up with a box of Snickers going, hey, will you support my basketball team? And you're like, that's a fucking scam guy goes boo they're not all scared i'm like that's not what we're saying stupid yeah you're doing a character i'm commenting on a very real thing my entire life i have yeah bought girl Scout cookies, and I have not always bought that fucking Snickers bar in the subway. Sometimes I do. Yeah, the Girl Scout cookie is universally accepted. Yeah.

Right? But they only have like, the ones that I like are the ones, it's like a coconut one. That's the one I like. With chocolate on it. Yeah. You know that one? That one's pretty. Little caramel.

That one's pretty goddamn legit. What is that one called? Dosey Dough. The muff? But then there's also like, there's steps away from Girl Scout cookies where you don't have to participate. Like when kids come over with chocolate or candy. Yeah.

Like, nah, thanks. Yeah. I'm good. I don't eat that stuff. Like you kind of have to buy Girl Scout cookies. You want to support the Girl Scouts. Yeah, but you know it's such a scam? All that money goes to the manufacturer.

Apparently, the Girl Scouts make like 20% of the cookie money. Really? Yeah, they're getting fucked. Girl Scouts are getting fucked. Of course. Someone came in, some ruthless man probably. Samoa. Samoa, that's exactly what it is.

Those are the shit. Yeah. With milk, with a cold glass of milk. Yeah. Dunk them. Yep. Fuck. Yeah, it almost tastes like meat.

Oh, look at that thing. Yeah. Look at it. It's chocolatey, coconutty goodness. Why do they have to be so bad for you? Fuck. When I was working on a TV show, one of the producers had a daughter who was in the Girl Scouts. And I guess you win contests if you sell the most cookie boxes.

So when the audience would stream out after the show, it was a daily show, and the audience would stream out. And the girl had a table set up to sell her cookies. And she was selling a hundred boxes a day and for every day she was there fucking won that contest damn and they would have the audience warm-up guy like plug it during the show like after the show like a comedian selling his cds after the show you can buy some girl scout cookies on the way out and all these all these fat people from the midwest are like cookies how like marie collanders they just have pie just pie just pie yep not even good pie it's good but it's not great considering it's all they do. I should have eaten there.

I don't think I've ever eaten there. Maybe I ate at one. I don't think I had their pie. That seems a weird thing. Like, I'm selling pies. I'd be like, good luck. Good luck selling pies. You're going to go broke.

But they're everywhere. We know you have an oven. There's a bunch of those. We know you have flour. Branch out a little bit. Like, who the fuck gets famous for selling pies? Like, how genius is that company? Entman's.

Remember Entman's? Entman's, yeah. But then they broke out. They started doing cakes and cookies, too. But they did just pies for a long time. Dude, they used to have this, this, goddammit, this pastry. I'm trying to think of what the hell it was but it had like

like hard sugar on the outside of it yeah and then it had some sort of creamy sweet stuff on the inside yeah holy shit was it good yeah god damn it we lived off that shit we had emmonds every night they had like they had one that had like a chocolate filling in it and it was powdered outside. Cheese filled crumb. It might have been that. They went out of business and then they saved them. Oh, that was the cheese one. That was a good one too.

I remember the cheese filled crumb. They had some ridiculously delicious shit. Yeah, what are the other big ones? You know, I decided to fight in a tournament once because I had a crazy sugar high from Dunkin' Donuts. I'd hurt myself. I'd hurt something in my crotch. I couldn't work out for like a week. I pulled some sort of a muscle.

There was a big tournament that was coming up. And all the guys that I competed with were going to this tournament. I was like, I had just fought like a week before. I was like, I don't think I can do it. I'm like, this doesn't feel right. I'm just going to take the whole week off. So I decided I'm just going to take off, let this thing heal. And so delivering my newspapers.

And I go to Dunkin' Donuts. And I got this powdered lemon-filled donut. I got one of those. And I got a Boston cream donut. And I got one of those. And I ate like three donuts. i'd be exhausted tired drinking coffee delivering fucking newspapers for three hours and i was so jacked on sugar and coffee that i said fuck it i want to fight and so i i drove i drove into town like right before everybody was leaving.

They're like, why are you here? I said, I'm going to fight anyway, man. Like Beavis and Butthead. I won. I won the tournament. It was a giant tournament. For me, it was big. It was the American Open.

It was a big deal. Wow. Yeah. I wasn't going to do it. I got jacked up on sugar and made a rash decision. I could see you winning the first match, but then you crash and you got to keep fighting. No, it worked out somehow or another. I guess I ate when I got there, too.

But also the week off, I'd never done that, like taking a week off. Sometimes when you do something like that where if you exercise too much, you're really always in a state of recovery. Yeah. And your body doesn't get a chance to fully charge back up again. So at the time, I was probably 19, and I was going hard every day, every day that I could. So I'd never really taken a week off. So taking a week off and just being like, wow, this is great. I did take a week off when I started getting laid.

Yeah. That is one thing that happened. The first time you got laid? Yeah. When I first started getting laid, I took a long time off. Yeah. I got yelled laid. Yeah. That is one thing that happened. The first time you got laid? Yeah. When I first started getting laid, I took a long time off. Yeah. I got yelled at. Yeah.

I got yelled at. I wasn't doing any training. I came back all tan and shit. All you did was fuck. That's a workout. At that age, that's a workout. You know, those weren't 20 minute sessions it's weird how your your body changes from no no urge to fuck to like fucking

is your whole life yeah like when you're 18 years old it's your whole life like you found the craziest drug ever yeah and like two years ago it wasn't in your life yeah then all sudden it's in your life and all of a sudden you're having sex and you're like i can't believe this yeah and you can't believe that that women are letting you do it because for years they were stopping you and now they're initiating yes you can't believe they want it you actually want me to fuck you yeah this is what you like yeah okay yeah feels wrong but if you insist feels wrong that you like it is that a weird mentality that we think it's wrong that they like it is that a christian thing it's so crazy i think it has to do with um initially if you read sex at dawn

uh he's got a really interesting series of uh thoughts on the origins of sexual behavior and why we all sort of have adopted this one thing now. What do you think? Let me ask you. I think it's Christian. I know it is for me. You know, I got a lot of shame about all that stuff. Right. I think it has to do with people getting pregnant, too.

Yeah. I think it had to do with it was too easy for a girl to get pregnant. And if a girl got pregnant back when people were fucking just barely making it out of the caves, right? It was either really good because you had food or it was a real burden because you had to take care of this baby now. Now you're not going to be gathering food for us. Right. I think there was a lot of that going on. So if you were going to be with a person and you decided to make babies, you got to be sure that this person is going to be there and take care of everything.

And you're, you're all set up. Yeah. So you can't just be banging a bunch of guys on the side and having kids with everybody. Then who's going to raise your kids? Right. This guy's going to come over and talk to his kid and he's going to come over and talk to his kid. Yeah.

That becomes a problem. Right right i think that's and the amazing thing is that having kids back then for guys the reason why guys stuck around was you know we have 401ks and ira accounts back then it's like when you when you couldn't gather anymore you were at the mercy of charity and so if you had a lot of kids you had a chance of being able to actually live into your old age. Yeah. Yeah, they would take care of you. Yeah. It's also interesting, too, because there was so much infant mortality back then that there was a lot of places where there's real good evidence that they had fertility cults. Like they were trying to figure out ways to get pregnant more and easier.

Really? They were just trying to have a bunch of kids. Yeah, because kids were, you know, kids died a lot back then. They died from injury and sickness, and a lot of people died from sickness. You know, no vaccines. Right. When you're just at the mercy. And then also, it's the beginning of agriculture.

So all these diseases are emerging that we don't have immune systems for because they're being jumped from, like, they're jumping from pigs to people they're jumping from chickens and birds to people that's where the source of most of these pandemic diseases come from it comes from large scale agriculture yeah those funky pigs all tucked together in these little cages that doesn't come for free yeah like there's some demons are being brewed in that mix oh yeah yeah like this this what was this what was the source of um the spanish flu which i think was the most deadly epidemic in u.s history oh is that right it was international too wasn't it it was international for sure i think for sure it was the most deadly epidemic in the u.s yeah but i think it came i

don't think it came from spain i think i want to say it came from somewhere around virginia is that bullshit this is gonna take time probably new jersey i feel like it came from some sort of farm situation yeah i don't know why i'm why. I feel like I'm guessing that. I'm surprised there's not more of that now because you see some of these like pig farms and they have lakes. There are lakes of waste. Have you seen the drone footage? Is that what we're talking about?

No. Oh my God. Some guy flew it, you know, because they have these ag gag laws, which apparently one of them just got shot down. Somebody sent me an email that maybe it was Idaho or Iowa, one of those places, one of those I states, that

the ag-gag laws got shut down. The ag-gag laws are, say if you were working in a slaughterhouse and you saw horrific conditions. You got your cell phone out. You filmed it. You could get prosecuted you would go to jail you could be sued because of food ink and all those documentaries that came out well

it's they i think those ag gag laws existed as soon as they figured out that people could film things yeah you know because a few people released videos of her and look those ag gag laws kept you know kept people from talking about a lot of creepy shit like this video yeah if you see this video this guy decided since no one's gonna give him access to film the place openly he's gonna fly over it so he flew over with a drone so this is the spanish flu thing okay for many years medical historians and epidemiologists hypothesized that the outbreak could have started in a British army base in Etaples, France, or at Fort Riley in Kansas, where the first American cases of the new strain of flu were recorded in March of 1918. More recently, experts have proposed a third hypothesis. The

Spanish flu originated somewhere in northern China in late 1917 and swiftly moved to Eastern Europe. Within 140,000 Chinese laborers and the French and British governments recruited to perform manual labor to free up the troops for wartime duty. Wow. Yeah, I think more people died of that than died in World War I. I think so. 50 million people were killed because of this. Damn. Whoa.

Just think about corpse disposal of 50 million people. Look at this. It says, claiming more lives in a single year than either the First World War or the four-year-long Black Death bubonic plague outbreak that swept Europe and asia in the middle ages and this is one that for whatever reason people talk about the plague they talk about the bubonic plague like everyone's but no one talks about the spanish flu like that's a rare

it's not it doesn't get brought up that often if you see this number this number of people die 50 million people million in a year in a year. In a year, man. People talk about how bad the world is right now, but that's not what they're saying. They're saying it killed more lives in a single year than either the First World War or the four-year-long Black Death. It may have killed, and one-third of the population was sick with it, at least. They didn't all die. God damn, dude. I mean, people think that the world

is in such bad shape we don't have plagues you know there's uh the the poverty rate for the the average poverty rate in the world has gone up for like the last 10 years there's less poverty there's less starvation there's more education you know there's a lot of there's a lot of good shit going on, too, but just think about that. We haven't had a world war in, what, 70 years? Yeah.

It's been quite a while. Not to say, not to diminish the wars that are happening now, but something that really affected the entire population. Don't you always feel like, even since high school, that it's always been around the corner? Yeah. When we were in high school, it since high school, that it's always been, like, around the corner? Yeah. Like, when we were in high school,

it was the big fear, that we were going to go to war with the Russians. Do you remember going into the coat room and putting your head between your knees? Did you have to do that? I don't think we did that. We used to do those. We did the get under the desk drill, which was hilarious.

Get under the desk. It's so stupid. Like, bitch, this is a nuclear war. Dude, they used to tell you, you're going to get under your desk. It's so stupid. Like, bitch, this is a nuclear war. Dude, they used to tell you, you're going to get under your desk. As if they had some way to alleviate our stress. Yeah, I know. By pretending to get under the desk. They wanted to give you an answer.

Yeah. Yeah, nobody knew what the fuck to do. So they just made up some nonsense. Just get under your desk. Duck and cover. Nuclear war. Duck and cover. Nuclear war. That linoleum is going to save your life. Yeah and cover. Nuclear war. Duck and cover. Nuclear war.

That linoleum is going to save your life. Yeah, look at this. This is the drill. All these little kids underneath their tables. What a fucked up thing to put in a kid's head, man. Just stop and think about how close we were to doing something so stupid that this could have become a reality.

And how, now think about how this is a reality in certain parts of the world like in in our place it's not but in other places it is yeah and that's that's their life i mean especially when it comes to things like drone warfare that freaks me out i know it's very effective at shooting terrorists i know it is i know it's very effective at shooting terrorists. I know it is. I know it's excellent. It's also super effective at killing civilians. Super effective.

Yeah, and there's something about, when you think about how we're being perceived in the rest of the world, there's something about not even being present for the accidental killing that makes it just you know twice as bad it just seems weird and apparently it gives them pretty severe PTSD

you know I'm laughing because I'm like thinking like that's so crazy like they don't even have to be there and they're getting PTSD like just the fact that they're doing it from a remote location oh yeah I heard that some of them by the way this is just what I'm reading.

It might not even be true. No, I read that too. It might be sensationalized. But I would imagine that would kind of fuck with your head. Yeah, the first couple times would be fun. It'd be like a video game. And then it would start to sink in when you heard the reports later. Yeah, you'd have to so detach yourself from it that it would

be like this growing thing in the back of your mind yeah you're just launching missiles into apartment buildings all right and they're telling you it's okay everybody says it's okay yeah that's what you're supposed to do um when i talked to uh this gentleman that I know that was in the CIA he said that all those decisions are done by lawyers oh really? yeah whether or not they do it or not do it because at the end of the day lawyers are deciding whether or not it's like likely to be successful

what's the legal ramifications he goes when you're talking about that kind of stuff he's like seriously a lot of it's decided by lawyers because they want to have if you corroborated these the the sighting and yeah yeah and they want to make sure that all the ducks are in order yeah which i mean is that better or is that worse i mean is it better just leave it to the generals to design you know you get this cartoonish impression of what that

would be like some general like the fucking guy from avatar we're gonna go down there we're gonna fuck everybody yeah that's what everybody's worried about right the character the the cartoonish out of control murderous soldier right yeah what was the kubrick movie oh uh full metal jacket no the one with the uh Oh, Full Metal Jacket No, the one with the Peter Sellers was in it And it was about How I Something the Nuclear Bomb

Oh, yes Doctor Strangelove Yeah, like the general in that Yeah, they're always cartoonish Man, you better hope guys like that are on your side Doctor Strangelove That was a great movie, man It's so weird to watch it today

I watched it a few years back Did you really? Yeah, like maybe four or five years back I watched it and I was like Besides, Dr. Strangelove, that was a great movie, man. It was so weird to watch it today. Yeah. I watched it a few years back. Did you really? Yeah, like maybe four or five years back I watched it. And I was like, wow, it's so wild to watch these little captured moments in time where you can see like people were different then. Yeah. Like old movies, when you watch old movies, you know what the biggest indication that something's different is? Women didn't work out then.

Yeah. They weren't, like, fit. Like, you're used to seeing a lot of actresses that are on TV and in the movies. They all do, like, CrossFit or something. They're all working out. They're all taking gymnastics or something. They're doing spin classes, and they have trainers they have trainers and doing these box jumps and shit. Like girls are built now.

It's a different thing. Yeah. If you go look at like King Kong, look at like Fay Wray and King Kong. They're just soft. They just – they're not even picking up their groceries. Like they're built different. Yeah, and they don't last. If they didn't do manual labor, they don't last.

Some of them do. When they do, it's a shock. Like Raquel Welch manual labor, they don't last. Some of them do. When they do, it's a shock. Like Raquel Welch, like deep into her 60s. Like, Jesus, she's still hot. Sophia Loren right to the end. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. It's a few of them that were so potent that their spell lasted their entire existence.

Did this start at the Jane Fonda workout stuff? Oh, yeah. Jane Fonda, back in the day with the doggy thing. What was that, like 1977? Let's get physical. 72. I'm not sure of the exact year. Damn.

I want to get physical. That was crazy. That was so fucking big. It was the first time women were marketed to for exercise. I think so. I think so. I think before that, women maybe competed in athletic events like gymnastics and shit

like that when they were young, but then when they probably got families or moved on to jobs, they probably stopped. What is this one, Jamie? National Aerobic Championship 1998. Oh my god. Look at this. This is a choreographed dance. This is so strange. Wow. Oh, that's right.

Do you remember aerobics? Aerobics. I'm going to take an aerobics class. You remember that? I'd be kind. People would just dance around and you would do stuff. Feel the pump. The pump. The pump. And two and three and go. They turned everybody gay for about five years.

Look at all these guys. Look at these guys. These guys are straight as fuck and they don't even know they're doing gay stuff. You it's like it's like when before everybody knew that rob halford from judas priest is is gay he used to make everybody dress up like him because everybody like kids that were straight kids that were huge fans of judas priest they would wear the cap and the jet they were wearing gay aesthetic. All right. Like gay biker looking tough guys. Everybody got into it because they loved him.

Because Judas Priest was so badass. And he's such a fucking awesome front man. That like he had straight guys dressing up like a gay biker. That's fucking hilarious. And then he comes out and they're all. They're like what? They're so confused. He did it at a concert.

There's 100,000 of them. No, I'm just saying, what if he did? And they look down and they're all wearing... What you're wearing is what I like in my men. I had him on a show I did once. It was like this thing for VH1 called The List. Oh, yeah, I did that. You did it too? Yeah. Here he is. Look at that. I mean, look at. Oh, yeah, I did that. You did host it, too?

Yeah. Yeah, here he is. Look at that. I mean, look at the outfit, bro. Seriously. Wow. He's got the leather paperboy hat on. Yeah.

Or it's more like a soldier's hat. And he's got leather vest on with no shirt underneath, leather gloves that spike. It's all S&M shit. Yeah. Tight, tight, tight leather pants. It's hilarious. It's like Freddie Mercury. Yeah, tight, tight leather pants. It's hilarious. It's like Freddie Mercury. Yeah, man.

What was my point? Well, we were talking about something right before we were talking about that. Oh, the aerobics. Oh, yeah. The aerobics guys. Like, come on, man. They had dudes wearing singles. Look at this. Look at this outfit. That's like a singlet from wrestling, but with long pants.

Yeah. This is bananas that they got men to dress like this. Look at what they're wearing. You see their nipples? Like, their nipples are popped out. They're all super gayed out. These are probably straight men. Those three-quarter length Reebok high tops?

Exactly. With the Velcro. You had to get the Velcro. That's the newest tops. Exactly. With the Velcro. You had to get the Velcro. That's the newest technology. Yeah. So look, every girl is dressed like, you know, I guess they look more like, well, they have two different outfits. The girls have some of them exposed the mid drift.

Yeah. Like the dirty girls that they are. Two piece over here. And the other ones, they wear a one piece. Here comes Alan Thicke. Oh, Alan Thic thick was hosting this motherfucker oh shit of course he was oh shit look at him look at that hair it's wonderful look at his jacket solve miami vice doubt yeah he's got shoulder pads yeah you gotta you gotta get rid of shoulder

pads back then you could have shoulder pads yeah i remember having shoulder pads in my first jacket it's nice makes you look better yeah it isn't like a stuffed bra for a girl it is yeah it's the same thing yeah yeah but how weird that people so do you remember people actually dressing like that in a class situation did they go to classes dress like that? I was in grade school. We had uniforms and stuff, so no. I never saw anything like that. I never took an aerobics class. But see if you can find video footage of an aerobics class. Because if all the guys are dressed like that, those dudes got punked.

Yeah. Somebody talked them into dressing like a dancer. Yeah. Yeah. And they're not showing their kids this video. Why not? So you used to be stupid. So what?

If you're stupid once, you're stupid forever. Is that real? Come on. Your kids love seeing you looking stupid, too. And you should tell them. I had a mullet. They laugh. One thing that I always do when I tell my kids if they do something wrong,

if they've done something wrong, I say, I did worse, way worse. I did exactly what you did. And I lied about it i always lied my parents asked me if i did anything wrong i always lied and i'm like i know if you did something you didn't do it i'm not mad at you i'm just trying to make you not do it in the future because i want you to learn why it's bad yeah so i would always tell you that's good number one thing i always do right and i get mad sometimes i mean it's just there's there's no way you can't sometimes especially as they get older they get upset about things and you go, you gotta

calm down. You gotta like, figure out how to calm down. Like, stop screaming at each other. Yeah. Sisters, scream at each other. You took my thing. That's mine. No, it's not.

You gave it to me. No, but I can take it back. I'm like, yeah. It's amazing the pitch they can get. Because usually when people get that hostile to each other, you're worried there's going to be a physical fight. Yes. But sisters can take it to three times that level.

It makes you so uncomfortable. But then they'll cuddle with each other. They love each other. Yeah. It's funny. That's sweet. What's the race difference? Two years. It's interesting watching them evolve. Watching them learn new facts and learn new things and watch their little brain fill with information. Their vocabulary starts growing.

Yeah. And you're like, wow. Yeah. And you realize, I mean, I've said this before, but it bears repeating. We look at people in a static state. We're always looking at people like if I see a guy and he's 40 years old and he's an asshole. Oh, that's that 40-year-old asshole. That fucking guy. I know that guy.

That guy's so annoying. But you don't think, oh, that was a baby. Yeah. That was a baby with a bunch of shitty data thrown at him. A bunch of shitty interactions, bad genes bad genes bad environment maybe some alcoholism yeah maybe maybe some uh throw it in all of it right a little adhd bad nutrition throw it all in there throw it all in there a bunch of bad breaks in life throw it all in there you know and that happens to so many people so you look at at them instead of – I always look at what they are now.

Like, ah, this guy. But what they are, all of them, including you and me, is a baby that became an older thing. And a great deal of people whose lives are chaotically fucked up. It's through no fault of their own. It's a great deal of them. It's a large number. Right. You know?

And as I've gotten older and tried to be more compassionate and more understanding, more patient, those are things that I worked on a lot. And I still struggle with it. But I don't think that's anything you ever really totally get over but you get better you get i've seen it in you a lot over the years you're a lot more patient yeah i think a lot of that has to do with just getting better at being a person and when you work on it but i think also a lot of it has to do with my the change of my attitude about people and that i started to think

of them as a product of a lot of different interactions and that we like you hear the term white privilege it's a fucked up term right it's weird but you have to admit if you're a person and nothing completely catastrophic has happened to you and you became this 50 year old successful comedian that's an emmy award winning writer and like yeah bad things happen to you right but they could have been fucking way worse it could have been way worse and for some people it is fucking way worse they just got a shit roll of the dice from the jump and it's been bad experience after bad experience and fucking abuse and violence and jail and the you can't get out there's no way out you can't even read it's just like you're frothing around at sea trying to keep your head above water. Yeah. And you run into them when they're 32 at a gas station.

And it's as much, I mean, it's not saying it's not their fault. Because whenever someone does anything to you, it's their fault. Like if someone commits violence on you, they shouldn't have done that. It's their fault. That's a greed. But what were the underlying factors that led this to happen and for all this talk that we do in this country about uh about violence and crime and the problem of violence and crime nobody ever looks at it in terms of like, how do you stop children from being raised fucked up and violent? How do you stop them from being abused?

How do you step in? Because that's the root of all of it. Right. And I think early childhood education can make a big difference because if you have a kid growing up and, you know, the dad took off, there's no money, he's living on the streets. There's no money. He's living on the streets. If you can create an environment for that four-year-old to come in and have two decent meals, a nap time, some structured play, it makes all the difference in the world. Because that can become like the family to them. Now, let me ask you this.

Because this is the – we're in the biggest crisis in terms of immigration, in terms of national discussion, the biggest discussion of it that I can ever remember right now with this wall shit where the government is completely shut down and no one's budget on either side and all these government workers are not getting paid. And it's all because Trump wants $5 billion for this wall. I'm not – let's just – in an ideal world, it would be ideal if the way the world worked was the way America works, where you could just go wherever you want. That'd be the ideal world if the whole world was America in the sense of you can go to New Mexico. You don't have to get paperwork signed. You don't have to – no one has to tell you whether or not you're allowed to go visit or not go visit. You can just drive there. That's a nice thing about America.

It's almost like Europe, but you don't need a passport. Not in it's like Europe. I know you guys have been around longer and all that good stuff. That's not what I mean. I mean in terms of there's a bunch of different feels. It's all speaking one language, but there's a big difference between visiting Montana and visiting Miami. If you go to Billings, Montana and hang out with the local folk at a coffee shop and then you

go to some fucking crazy after hours party in Miami on Miami Beach at four in the morning and P. Diddy shows up and fucking, you know, and there's all these celebrities and people are doing coke on the floor and like, what the fuck is this? This is a different world.

This is a different world. And there's a bunch of these different worlds. New York City's a different world. LA's a different world. there's a bunch of these different world new york city's a different world you know la is a different world you're allowed to go there wouldn't it be great if the whole world was like that you could just kind of go wherever you wanted to go and it would all sort itself out the idea is you can't because it would fuck up our quality of life it would make us less safe and i get the argument certainly you don't want to bring in criminals and murderers you don't want drug dealers making their way into this country and starting gang violence and all that stuff yes you're absolutely right and to deny that i think it's pretty fucking foolish yeah i think it's a matter of like there's a lot to it it's a fluid the border is always going to be fluid and

it needs to be fluid you know we need the immigrant spirit of coming in and a lot of them do start small businesses when you know and again when they're brought in legally um and so how do you how do you create a flow of people that is good for us because they say most of the immigrants that come here are the smartest sharpest people most driven and wherever they're from so we're actually drawing a really good you know they talk so much about the criminals but the truth is most of them that are coming over here are the ones that probably have the most to offer to this country well exactly like our parents generation like our grandparents like my grandparents like when did your your grandparents come over here was it your

grandparents or 1910 my grandparents yeah mine as well my grandfather was one of 13 and 12 of them came over here oh my god and they lived in a two-room fucking mud hut somehow they kept finding the money to send one kid over at a time like usually when they were about 15 crazy shit yeah see that kind of shit is what i'm talking about like those kind of people shouldn't they be allowed to come here that's that's how this thing got started the the real problem is that there's spots that suck that's the real problem it's like we were talking about like white privilege the white privilege is not the problem the problem is racism if racism doesn't exist then everyone's exactly the same and then we're okay

and then we don't need to worry about white privilege what the real problem is you're not getting you're not getting racist things thrown at you the way black people are. Yeah, for sure. But that's not the problem. The problem is racist things being thrown at black people. It's not that I don't get it. Right. It's that you get it.

Right. And it's like to highlight the fact that it's not happening to me. I get what you're saying. But the real problem, I think it's a distraction. That the real problem, I think it's a distraction, that the real problem is the racism itself. The real problem is when you see actual Nazis in 2018, 2019, actual ones, real ones. Like not just dressing up because they think it's a hoot.

You know, I'm a rebel. I'm a fucking Hitler, bro. I got a piece of tape under my nose. There's some fucking people that aren't really Nazis, but they're dumb. Yeah. Right? But then you see a real Nazi in 2019. You're like, okay, that's real racism.

Yeah. Now, when they go into, I was in Portland and they said there's regular clashes. Like once a month, there's a demonstration and it's either the alt-right having a demonstration and then the, what do they call them, the something far? Antifa. Antifa show up, and they have regular fights, and it's fucking Nazis. God damn. Oregon's a fucked up state, because it was originally, there were no black people allowed in Oregon.

Yeah, yeah. That's the, you know, because now Portland is this very progressive. Super progressive. Super progressive, but there's no black people there. There's a few. It feels a little hollow though when you're there. I think they're running shit. I just did New Year's Eve shows there and it was fucking all white.

It was all white. It was weird. That is weird. If I was black, I would go to Portland in a second. You'd have so many friends instantly. Everybody wants to high five you have you over for dinner yeah it's um yeah the real problem for sure is any kind of discrimination because that that also fucks with us too because if if people are discriminating against people we can't even make

fun of them now we have to leave them alone because it's punching down like but it's right there i know it's the best joke i mean when you think about as a stand-up what your topics are race racism sexuality politics most people don't do politics i would say that the the average comic is talking about two topics racism and sexuality i think you did a great job of covering politics without actually being political. You do a great job with that. Oh, thanks, man. Especially your Hillary Clinton bit.

Yeah. I did this thing during the election about her. And I didn't mean it to knock her, but it really wasn't about knocking anybody. It was about her having a dry pussy. And, you know, that's the kind of political comedy you can expect from me. It was also about countdown till Trump calls her a cunt. That was my favorite line. That was my favorite line. Oh, my God.

That was my favorite line about the election. Dude, I did the dry cunt jokes about her. And then Drew Carey was in the audience, and he came up to me after the show. He gave me an entire piece of paper with more jokes on that premise. He had tears in his eyes. He's like, that's the funniest thing I've ever seen here. Take these. He loves filth.

Drew Carey is one of the nicest guys ever. Yeah, he's great. I met him at the improv, and dude, he talks to everybody. He was giving young comics advice, telling them, write a joke a day. Just one joke a day. Yeah. You get one joke a day, you know, in the course of a week you got seven jokes. Just make yourself write a joke.

Yeah. That's right. 100%. Did you write a joke yesterday? Nah, I wrote some shit that wasn't funny. Last week? I just wrote some shit. Yeah, we did. You and you write a joke yesterday? No. I wrote some shit that wasn't funny. Last week? I just wrote some shit. Yeah, we did. You and I did a story together last night. Yeah, and then last night I came home and wrote.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm just in this stage of a couple of these bits that I'm working on right now where they're just like, they're on Bambi legs. Yeah. They'll go south on me. Right. Like, I'll lose the script. Yeah. go south on me.

Right. Like, I'll lose the script. Yeah. It's interesting because when you go from doing a special and then chucking everything out and then starting from scratch, it's the most fun time. Yeah. Because you're like a beginner again. You're thinking about it all the time. Yeah.

Like, after dinner, I've got a half hour, I'm like, I want to get back to that bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're thinking about it all the time. Yeah. Like, you're thinking about it all the time yeah like you're thinking about bits all the time whereas once you have an act together and you do you do an hour 20 minutes easy then you're not thinking about it that much you're thinking about when you do it or you're thinking about it when you're right but you're not thinking about it all day no you're tweaking it in

in motion like when you're on stage and you've got the hour down that's when you and i were talking about a comedian you just told to take a little extra time before they do a special yeah and it really is in that extra few months that you find emphasizing this syllable makes the joke get an applause break instead of just laughs it's also one of the most interactive art forms ever whereas you need other people to do it you need other people to watch there's no way i can do that without you without people listening the watching whatever it is i can't you can't do it you need them because they help you make it their reactions to what you're saying tightens up what you're saying right their reactions make you throw away certain parts that just aren't working right. Yeah. Like, you think it's funny.

They don't think it's funny. Like, how many times do they not think it's funny before you decide that part might not have to be that good? Let me concentrate on this part. This part seems to have fruit to it. Yeah. This part, this is the part that kills. I didn't even expect this part to work. Right, right.

But this part has become a bigger part of the bit than the first part. And then weird stuff starts branching off. But I don't think it branches off in front of people. Yeah. It's weird. No, it really is interesting if uh if you could track a comedian writing a bit a good comic who really takes on a premise like you do like take on a thought or a philosophy and step it out as far as it can possibly go and what track that person doing that set for six months it can morph to

where there's almost nothing left from the original premise. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'll take an old joke and I'll use it as a scaffolding. Like when I'm writing again and I've got no, like I'm trapped and I'm like, I've got no way to get from this bit to another, but I've got an old joke. I'm going to shove an old joke in there. And then from that, like the little burst that you get out of that will carry you on

and make the next premise better. It's got a little bit more momentum to it. And now you can explore it a little lightheaded, a little lighthearted, a little easier, less tense. Yeah. Because the new stuff, the thing about it that fucks me up the most is that I'm not exactly sure what's the best way to do it. So I'm thinking about it while I'm saying it instead of just being in the moment.

Right. Until you can just get it to the point where you can be in the moment it's just clunky yeah but because it's clunky you're nervous and because you're nervous you're thinking about it all the time yeah so it becomes like this obsession so I feel like more premises start popping up that way it's weird it's like you have this hyper focus that's way less comfortable than being like having an hour and 20 down yeah ready to film yeah it's way less comfortable than being like having an hour and 20 down yeah ready to film yeah it's way less comfortable but it's probably more productive in terms of like creatively of course but i always i always think of like it's like learning a new language every time i have a

new bit it's like how do i translate this thought in my head into like you said what's my approach what's my strategy to get that idea across? Yeah. And so you're thinking about that and it slows down you. Yeah, you're not in the moment as much. I think I'm going to start doing some real late night sets too. Yeah, that's a good idea. I think you got to do tired people.

Right. There's like 13 people in the room. You got to try those little spots out too. You can get a little too used to doing crowds. little spots out too. You can get a little too used to doing crowds. And if you're a little too used to doing crowds, what happens is people want to laugh.

They want to laugh. They dare to have a good time. When you get at one o'clock in the morning, they've already laughed. They've laughed and laughed and laughed. And they've laughed for hours, some of them. Some of them get there at nine and they stay till two.

They just get up to pee, order another drink, have another seat, and you're watching a crazy lineup of comedians. You get on at one o'clock in the morning, man, like the Don Barris hour, that fucking – you're getting in front of people that have seen everything. Yeah. So if you make them laugh, that that's a legit bit yeah if you can get through to these people when they've probably heard everything well and it gets you in your voice more because when there's only 15 people out there versus 300 a couple hours earlier at 300 you're performing something out to the back of the room yeah they talk about playing to the back of the room in bigger rooms you have to be more physical you have to slow down and and

then when you have 15 people all of a sudden you're in your human being talking to human beings voice yeah and sometimes that's where you can find really the flow of the joke a lot better because you're not you're not pumping it up you're're just saying it. Yeah, I agree. But I think you have to do those larger places too just to know how to do them. Like they're a different thing. Like if you do a big theater, a big theater you need to be comfortable with the fact that there's X amount of thousands of people in that room. And unless you do a bunch of those, like you and I have done a few of them together. Yeah.

They're fun. Yeah. But you have a time, there's a timing thing that's different. You have to like wait a little longer. You can't beat your punchlines up. Right. Like one after the other like you can in a club.

Right. In a club, you could just keep, you could keep hammering because there's only so many people in the room. It won't overpower the sound system. And that's why for so long, central the mandate was always they want the special shot in a nice theater like a you know 1500 2000 seater where they can get that big the crane

camera shooting down and the truth is for most including myself i'm not a theater comic i'm a club comic so all of a sudden i shoot my special in a room that holds 1,600 people. And it wasn't, I don't look back at it and go, that's exactly how I wanted to be seen. Yeah. I was slower. I was bigger. It's like I would have rather done it in a nice little 400 seat club. Also, you weren't doing a lot of those places.

So you weren't comfortable with it. Right. Like when you do those really big places, once you get comfortable with it, you start treating it like a club. Yeah. Like one of my most comfortable sets was one of the biggest places I ever did, the Scotiabank Arena in Toronto at the end of my tour. Yeah. But it was at the end of the tour, the very last spot before the Netflix special came out. So I had been doing stand-up like real regular in these big giant ass places for months

So when I got there, it felt like the store felt like doing the main room. Yeah, it's just a bigger main room Right, you know, you just it was just fun. Just have a good time. Yeah It's just doing a lot of those you got to do them But you really do have to do the little tiny shitty ones. You got to do those 1 a.m Spots you got to do those belly room.m spots you got to do those belly room spots yeah that's a big one the belly room's a big one that's right there it is if you are not connected to them they do not laugh and if you are connected it's the greatest crowd because there's only what 60 people in there yeah something like that i also like doing alternative

rooms sometimes i go to largo how dare you go up there in front of the cool kids and you know have to be a little more pc and you should uh have a fake act that you do only for largo like put together actually i did largo with uh whitney i like largo largo just great and hardwick was on that show too and um someone else maybe adam ray um no adam divine okay um and uh it was a fun time, man. It was really fun. Largo is a really interesting old place too. But all those art alt scene things, like I would love if somebody did,

they put an act together that's only for like that crowd, but it's like just onion-esque enough that it sneaks through, you know? Yeah, right. Just a really like a guy who plays like the strongest ally possible for everything for trans rights gay rights black rights women's rights yeah it's like the ultimate ally you got a fake beard form oh yeah yeah everything birkenstocks whatever we can do yeah we can do to make him a character.

That's hilarious. And then write really good jokes. Right. Write really good jokes. That would be an interesting project, almost like a Borat-type project. Create an alt comic who's really calculated, who's really probably just trying to get pussy, who's really probably just trying to get pussy but puts together the right words you know if you

don't support intersectionality then get the fuck out of my face you know like some and then he should try to get laid after every show as part of the character of course yeah be just super sleazy with coke and needles fucking syringes he pulls out

he's got shaky bottles of pills come on come on takes the pussy hat off his head and starts fucking it backstage yeah he's got a fleshlight for a pussy hat oh my god that would be a hilarious character because the thing about people is who are you

really and when you're like when you're talking to people do you know who you are do you sure you know who you are like are you a hundred percent certain and cool and calm i don't think most of us are i think most of us are like constantly evolving the way we behave and think constantly thinking about it maybe things went wrong last night i gotta stop drinking there's always like something yeah like i gotta get my ass to the gym. There's always something.

There's always something you're trying to improve and move around. So if you are a person who is, you know, if you don't know exactly where you're coming from, but you want to sell that you know where you're coming from, you want people to believe you know where you're coming from, then you get all this momentum momentum behind you and you almost can't get away from it right you know like you're you're like you're like you see this a lot with people that are trying to be spiritual like they're always trying to sell you on the idea that they're spiritual they're always pushing there's this is me man this is me are you sure are you sure like i think who we are all of, is a lot of it is like who we've encountered and how we've interacted with those people. Yeah, and then the uniform comes along with it and the diet. There's like a whole follow this manual that, you know, they talk about hipsters, which, you know, it's a pretty wide umbrella about what kind of hipsters there are. But just the idea of wearing a uniform always kind of puts me off on people.

Like you've stopped. You've stopped growing if you're going to put on what all the other people that you want to be like are wearing. Yeah, this is the thing. It's like the opinions aren't necessarily wrong because they're your opinions. wrong because they're your opinions but the thing of the thing of any kind of ideology whether it's a hipster alt ideology or if it's a fucking conservative right-wing farm worker ideology like when people adopt those there's very little deviation yeah and a lot of times they're not even really thinking entirely about what they're saying right they just know what is gonna get the right positive reaction from their clan.

Yeah, I feel bad. My mom, who's, you know, we grew up a pretty liberal family in New York. My dad was in radio and he talked politics on the air and it was pretty far left. Reading that, you know, my mom worked at the New York Times. You can't get any more liberal than that.

And so then she moved down to Florida where everybody watches Fox News in her building. And they all sit around the pool and they fucking berate her because they don't agree with them. And I just say, good for you, mom. You haven't, because a lot of people go down there and they change their views because they are so, you know, intimidated by not fitting in with the, it's your social group. It's a different country. Florida's a different country. Like I was saying, American Europe. That's what this is. Right. You go to Florida. It's a different country. Florida's a different country. Like I was saying, American Europe.

That's what this is. Right. You go to Florida, that's a different country. Yeah, it is. And it's two different countries, if not three, because you've got the locals, which I'd put them against Mississippi and Alabama for being deep south. Yes. And then you've got the retirement people, which is old Jews from New York.

And then you've got the Latino element, which is old Jews from New York. And then you've got the Latino element of Florida. It's three different countries. A lot of old Italians from New York, too. Oh, yeah, that's right. All those people just said, fuck this winter. Yeah. We're getting out of here. Yeah, what are we doing?

Fucking getting the boat and getting the plane. My fucking mozzarella is hot as your fucking aunt's cunt. You can get some good Italian food in Florida. Oh, yeah.ida's got some good food but yeah you're right the upper part of it especially that's like all that i mean it might as well be any other southern state right right and then at the bottom it's cubans you know running shit in miami miami is just international miami is like an international city it's like an international city that's in america i mean that is so different than seattle

like in terms of feel and like the way you walk around everybody's like thin and in tight clothes and you know people are partying and fucking dancing and music's coming out of cars like whoa right this place is alive yeah it's alive and it's gonna be underwater soon yeah when they get a suit when the moon is in certain positions in Florida it doesn't even matter what tide is if there's a high tide and no storm streets still flood in Miami it's getting bad

is that real? yeah well here's what they gotta do they gotta dig under the city and then lift it up just go all the way under Elon Musk use that tunnel machine thing. And you're going to put some giant metal bars and just jack it up. You got the Italians down there. They do construction.

But what if they do a New Orleans deal where they put up a levee? Yeah, that's what they're going to need to do. Jesus Christ. I think the problem with that, that though what i read was that there's something about the porous nature of the soil in miami that the water is going to come through the ground yeah the ground under the cities of south florida is largely there it is largely porous lime jamie's on the ball largely porous limestone which means water will eventually rise up through it so they're fucked they're fucked no matter what even with a levee they're fucked. They're fucked no matter what. Even with a levee, they're fucked. That water's just going to get through the ground. You know how you're on the beach and you can dig a hole in the sand and eventually you hit water?

Yeah. That always freaked me out. Yeah, I know. I know. Wait a minute. There's water under here? How much water? I remember my kid was sitting in one of those holes and I'm like, you're going to get fucking sucked underground.

Yeah, I didn't like it. I didn't like it. Yeah. I was listening to a Radiolab podcast on quicksand. It was a really cool podcast because it made me think. I went, oh, yeah. Nobody worries about quicksand anymore. Is that a real thing?

When we were kids? Dude, yeah, yeah. Quicksand is a real thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's a real thing. You can fall into this soupy, watery, sandy shit, and if you don't try to swim out of it, you try to walk out of it, you could drown.

Yeah. You could die in there. People have definitely died. And you might not even get out if you try to swim out, but that's how you handle it. You handle it the same way you handle water. And if you try walking through it, people just get sucked into the murk.

I mean, if you think about it, there's a certain amount of density to what you need to stand on right that's why mud it's not hard you just go in there and you can get really stuck right well if it's more watery than that then what happens well then you can't even stand yeah then you people just panic wow yeah you gotta swim yeah if you can because there's all this weight on you too you have to realize that that stuff's And people just panic and die. Yeah. You got to swim. Yeah. If you can. Because there's all this weight on you, too. You have to realize that.

That stuff's dense. So it's watery, but it's also heavy. And then your clothes are covered in it. Yeah. So your clothes become really heavy. And so nobody can save you because if they get close, they're going to fall in. Yes. Yeah.

If you're going to drag them down, man, it's hard to swim with somebody. You know that as well as anybody. You save somebody. Yeah. I was in Costa Rica, and we were down at this water. It was the biggest waterfall I've ever seen. It was like hundreds of feet high, and it landed in this lagoon, this round lagoon, and the water, they told you don't go near the water.

And so there's these Japanese girls sitting on the edge. They got their feet in, and one of them like jumps in and the water fucking sucks her down immediately and i dove out i have a lifeguarding degree from when i was stoned in 16 and so i dove into the water and i grabbed her and luckily i was checking them out because they were these beautiful japanese girls so i had my eyes on them. And so I dive in and I grab her and I pull her to the surface. I do the cross arm carry and I pull her out. And you know what she did?

What? Just turned to her friends. They all like consoled her. Nobody said thank you. I fucking saved her life. So anyway. Wow. So there was these kids.

Whoever you are, Japanese lady, how rude. How about a little hottie got tall? Was she American or Japanese Japanese? I think she was Japanese. No, no, they were Japanese Japanese. Yeah. She probably thought you were a lifeguard. Yeah.

Probably thought that's what happened. Yeah. And then I left and I'm with my family and they didn't see it happen. So I was so fucking bummed. Then we get to the parking lot and there's this busload of kids from some school and they had seen the whole thing and they started chanting

hero to me oh wow and I said to my kids do you fucking see what's happening right now that's gotta be a great feeling even if they didn't say thank you yeah

you saved them it's what I do it's my job superhero you ever save anybody's life no i don't think so not not directly maybe you did this podcast probably did directly i bet there's people that have been suicidal that heard this and it cheered them up i bet it ruined a few people too let's be honest you should do everything i do don't listen to me i'm a fucking idiot why are you listening to me

because if people say i changed their life like okay if i accept it on the positive then i have to accept it on the negative too that's right no no you did it you did the whole thing yeah you might have heard i i said some shit that you enjoyed. I'm very happy for that. And I talked to some people that brought you some great information. I'm very happy for that, too. We're all in this together. I'm not saving anybody. Yeah.

You save yourself. You're right. Don't listen to me. Yeah. Call a hotline. Yeah. Don't listen to me. Don't take yoga.

Don't even do it. Don't take yoga. Don't listen to me. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Don't pick up archery. What the fuck do you want to do? You want to shoot arrows at things? Get the fuck out of here. Eat carbs. Eat some fucking carbs. Don't do up archery. What the fuck do you want to do? You want to shoot arrows at things? Get the fuck out of here.

Eat carbs. Eat some fucking carbs. Don't do jujitsu. You're going to get hurt. Yeah. You want to get hurt? You're a 40-year-old man. We're trying to choke people for.

Stop it. Don't listen to me. Yeah. Don't eat elk. Go get a burger. Go get an actual American hamburger. Don't eat mushrooms. Get out of here.

It's going to close your mind off. Break your head. They're going to break your head. What if you go crazy like that guy from Pink Floyd? Huh? What if you go crazy? What if you never come back? What if you get anti-Semitic as a judo?

But the thing is, what if you do? Like, for sure, some people have smoked too much pot and blown a fucking gasket. Yeah. Let's be honest. Right? It has to have happened. They say that actually they're finding, my wife just told me this yesterday. She read this article about people with schizophrenia are getting older and they're smoking pot more because it's legal.

And they're finding people are coming in with schizophrenic episodes from smoking too much pot. That were schizophrenic already or became schizophrenic from the pot not sure i think when you especially when you get too high it feels exactly like being crazy yeah and i think when uh there's been moments for sure that i smoked too much pot and i freaked the fuck out and uh when that happens it it almost always feels like wow if i had to live life like this and it's one of the things that i tried to take into consideration when i think about people having something wrong with the way their brain processes information or the way they talk is like think about how you feel when you're on like a 200 milligram edible and you're like oh

my god i just can't do this this is just too much everything is like anxiety and the freak out and life and death and all of your memories pouring back into your head like a waterfall and you can't collect them circles they're spinning like plates and all you want is for it to end please i'm just gonna lie down here i hear when you take a shower it helps you get in the shower you're still freaked out if that was your whole life yeah so you got to think what is uh what's your state of consciousness versus another person's you have to guess i don't i've never been in your mind i don't know how your mind works i have to guess that your mind is some reasonable it's got something like the way my mind works,

the way you look at life. And we talk about so many things. We agree on so many things. I got to think your processing is very similar to mine. But there's got to be people out there where it's chaos, where it's just like you with a 200 milligram edible. You're just like, fuck. All day it's just like, what?

Who's doing that? You know, people, dude, just people watching me, man. There's a building near us and there's people watching me. and they can't escape can't escape they can't escape they're trapped in this this fucking constant snowball effect of anxiety and chaos and and you got to wonder like what how much of that is brain chemistry how much of that is brain chemistry that's been adjusted by nature and by life experiences and abuse and all these different factors that happen to people that make them lose their grip.

All right. Yeah. I mean, you see them on the street and you just, you know, there's a woman that is near my house. She's at a bus stop and she's been at this bus stop for three years and I have never, and I pass her two or three times a day and i check i'm kind of obsessed with checking on her every time i drive by and uh she's never not been in that bus stop sitting down she's either reading or just under a blanket she's chain smokes i don't know where

she gets the cigarettes she's got a cell phone don't know how she charges it but i guess she goes to the bathroom at the gas station. Maybe people give her money, and she doesn't beg, doesn't engage, just sits at this. And she's in front of a gas station and a busy road. It's the worst spot to sit. Pouring rain, she's out there. Cold winter, she's out there. It's crazy.

Wow. Does the bus stop have a cover? Yeah. But not like the sides are not there. Oh. So when driving rain, it's, you know. So she's just fucked. She's soaked, yeah.

Fuck, man. And you see her talking to herself a little bit, and you just think, Jesus Christ. And so I looked her up online. I researched her, and it turns out she's from Venice. She went to Venice High. And she's got parents in the neighborhood. And they know she's there. They can't get her to leave.

Social workers come by. And they just realize she's happy there. You know, not happy, but she's safe there. Something about that spot. Maybe because it's like the busiest spot around, it makes her feel safe. Wow. Yeah. Imagine that's your kid i know yeah imagine your kid blows a gasket and you gotta let go at a certain point fuck you can't make them take their medication after the age of 18 and for some reason a lot of schizophrenics don't like taking their medication because of the way it makes them feel.

God damn it. Yeah. What are the other options? Well, I think lithium is the main drug and then there's a couple other ones that work. Is there any behavioral therapy or physical therapy? Oh yeah, definitely.

Is there anything you can do? Yeah. I think it's about replacing thoughts. It's cognitive behavioral therapy. When they start thinking something, they have to replace it with another thought and they have to train in that until they can stop the voices. But I think it's mostly medication. the brain to say when we treat other things that get broken. Like, you know, if you have something wrong with your liver, they go, oh, you've got liver disease. Well, we're going to give you medication for the liver.

If there's something wrong with your brain, like, are you sure? Are you sure there's something wrong with your brain? You know, what's wrong? Right. Like your brain's really not producing enough chemicals. Is that it? Or is it just the way you look at things? No, they look at things no

they look at it as a weakness yeah mental illness is a weakness yeah that's a weird thing it's a weird thing because sometimes it is sometimes people are weak but sometimes that's not it sometimes there's something wrong yeah and so if you're a person who's got something wrong and people are telling you you're just weak like no no this is fucked up like this is this this is a terrible feeling and this is every day for me all day yeah there's just something wrong going on in there like it has to be that there's variables to the way your brain works just why like there's variables to the way your eyes function or any other part of your body there's very i mean just it's not equal everybody doesn't get the same dose right i mean depression is something that it's funny because i think i've asked you and you don't

have depression and my my my buddy mike gibbons he's my best friend and we connect like you and me on everything but i have so much fucking depression that i i deal with it every day yeah you know and i can't i have have to meditate, I gotta exercise, I, I, you know, medicate everything. Do you, what the, well,

while you're injured right now, you can't work out, right? Right. Do you need, does that affect you when you, does it help you?

Yeah, I've been in a rut with not exercising. When you do exercise a lot, does it alleviate your symptoms and your feel? Very much.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing this thing now. I think Neil Brennan recommended it. The magnet thing? Yeah. TMS.

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Yeah, he said it was amazing. I've done it for 10 weeks every single day. Really? Yeah, I just did it this morning. Do you do it to yourself? No, you go in. First, you get an MRI, and they map out your brain.

Right. morning do you do it to yourself no you go in first you get an mri and they map out your brain right and the whole theory behind it is that they can use magnetic stimulation to sort of like waken up one of the lobes in your brain that's associated with depression and so you go in and first they map out your brain and then you go in and for like a half hour they just pulse this magnetic thing onto your head. It's like a very low-grade MRI almost. And I've had amazing results. Wow. And it lasts forever. You go through this cycle of it, and then Neil's had the same experience. That's crazy. Yeah, highly recommend it.

It lasts forever. Yeah. Well, they say some people have to come in and get a tune-up, but generally it's one time. There's a woman named Kat Zingano. She's one of the UFC's top bantamweights, and she fought UFC champion Amanda Nunes back in the day and actually beat her before she won the title. But in that fight, she got hurt real bad, and she talked about it on the podcast that she she developed a bunch of brain issues after that fight because like her cortisol levels were all fucked up her hormones were all fucked up she developed thyroid problem she got hit in the head so hard she developed a thyroid problem yeah yeah

she couldn't keep weight off she's trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with her and one of the things that helped her the best she talked about it really openly and in depth on the podcast but one of the things that helped her the best was they talked about it really openly and in depth on the podcast. But one of the things that helped her the best was they have this, I think it's a different kind of magnetic therapy than this one because I think the center only exists around San Diego. And a lot of military guys come back and use it, football players, people with head injuries. And someone recommended it to her and it helped her tremendously. Yeah.

Really brought her back. Yeah. Really brought her back. Yeah, there's some real breakthroughs going on because, you know, people are – and, you know, they still use, like, electric shock therapy. Yeah. And, you know, with pretty good results but a lot of side effects. Did you get hit in the head a lot when you were a kid? Sometimes. But was there any, like, moments where you'd get knocked out? I don't think i ever got knocked out

did you ever get hit with a bat or i played hockey so i used to check people a lot did you ever get down did you get really hurt doing that nah never that my neck my neck is still fucked up to this day from a from a check a head check that i made but no i don't think i ever had any um concussions my friend mark no my mine right No, mine runs in the family. My mom, my dad's got it. It's very genetic, depression. No, I'm sure it is. But I think it's accentuated by trauma.

Yeah. And that's why I was asking you. Because even though you probably, I mean, I know you played a lot of hockey. Even though you probably don't think about it. Like every time you collide and even falling down and slamming into the walls. Oh, that's true. Yeah into the walls and shit like that. Yeah, there was a lot of that. All that stuff rattles your brain.

Yeah. Believe it or not, people get concussions from getting hit in the chest sometimes. Really? Yeah. Here's Kat Zingano. It says, EEG and vitals for my R&D. FDA approved to treat migraines, depression, improves anxiety, PTSD, TBI, sleep, ADHD, et cetera.

Now accepting insurance and TRICARE. Mindset Rancho Bernardo. Check them out. And this is, you can find this on Kat Zingano's Twitter page. She's got a picture of her with this apparatus on her head. But I know it helped her. Yeah, I've heard of EEG. It's really effective.

It helped her a lot. It helped, you know, she could talk about what sparring was like before and afterwards. Her coordination was off. That's one of the things that happens to people when they get brain damage, if they get knocked out or bad concussions, is your system's not firing correctly. So you'll see their body's not moving right. So it almost resets the hard drive.

It's damaged. It's just damaged. The signals aren't getting to the muscles correctly. So you see one of the things that you see in older boxers when they've taken too many horrible fights and they're really starting to lose it is their steps look shorter. Their legs are closer together. They're having a harder time moving. They don't have the confidence to have the balance to move around.

And their system's short-circuiting. Yeah. moving they don't have the confidence to have the balance to move around and their their their systems short-circuiting yeah you know and you're seeing it in their coordination it's a weird thing to see too i've seen it in fighters where i remember them in their prime and then i see them now i'm like whoa there's two it's two possibilities it could be an injury they could be dealing with an injury but if you find out there's no injury, you're like, ooh, this is not good. No, just look at Ben Roethlisberger out there in the pocket. When he tries to run, it's like little steps, no movement in the shoulders. And that guy used to be fast back there, but he's gotten hit a lot. Just no getting away from it, man.

Yeah. It is what it is. Yeah. Have you ever been knocked out? Yeah. Yeah. Not unconscious. I got stopped in a kickboxing match.

I got hit with a big left hook. Boom. My legs went out from under me. It was crazy. Well, it didn't even hurt. It was like, because you're full of adrenaline, so you don't feel it in terms of like, ouchy. It's not like ouchy hurt. Right.

But it's like, it wasn't like a painful thing. It was like, bing, and then my legs just stopped working. I was like, whoa and then my legs just stopped working I was like whoa what the fuck that was the hardest I've ever been hit because it was just on the button it was perfect I zigged when I was exhausted already this was my third fight of the day

in a kickboxing tournament and just crank and my legs just went whoopsies you're pretty lucky with all the fighting you did that you never got knocked out. Super lucky, but I definitely got hit in the head a bunch. Even though I didn't get knocked out, there's a lot of sparring.

There was a lot of getting punched in the face. There was a lot of getting kicked in the head. Less kicked in the head, believe it or not, because I was terrified. I was always moving fast. Did you wear helmets? No, we would wear these things. The first tournaments,

we used to wear these things on the back of the head. And that was so when you get knocked out, your fucking head doesn't bounce too hard off the ground. I'm not bullshitting. You pick one spot. There's a video of me fighting with one of those on. There's a video of me on YouTube. I've got this spot in the back of my head that looks like a bald spot like I would have if I had hair now. Like a yarmulke?

Yeah, like it's a red plastic thing. It's hard to tell because it's a shitty video, but that red plastic thing was basically like a spongy thing that they used to use in Taekwondo terms because at first it was no padding. And then eventually they made people start wearing these helmets and they basically like these cushiony helmets that go over the top of the head and you got to strap them out underneath see how that guy's wearing it the white guy see the guy in the background or the right side that's wearing the white thing that's the standard one what i'm wearing is just the pad on the back of my head right see that there's like a red thing in the back of my head that's in case i got ko'd because we're fighting on a fucking, this is a basketball court. This is a wood floor. There's no protection.

That was me knocking that guy out. This is me when I'm 19. So this was where we fought all the time. We always fought on hardwood floors. That's crazy! Oh, way crazier than this. Ready for this? The Bay State Games.

I fought in the Bay State Games. We fought on a tarp that was laid out over a cement floor. Wow. Yeah. And I knocked a guy out and his head bounced off the cement. Oh, my God. I kicked this dude in the head and his head bounced off cement. I'll never forget that sound.

I was 19. I didn't know what the fuck to do. This is where the tournament was. This is okay. This is okay. We're going to do this. We're going to fight here. If that was today,

I would be like, are you guys out of your fucking mind? I would be screaming. If I went with my kid and he was supposed to fight in a tournament and I got there and there was a thin plastic tarp stretched out over a smooth concrete floor,

I'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Are you crazy? You need pads. You need people to make sure they don't go out of bounds. This is just tarp laid down over concrete wow it was so so dangerous so i definitely got my noggin rattled yeah a gang of times yeah i don't know how many times i used to do uh gymnastics for like six years starting when i was like six can you do backflip oh yeah i could do i

used to do double backs no way no i did i i trained for like six years hard way how did i not know this yeah so i used to do uh yeah i could do round off back handspring into a double back can you still do that i can i haven't tried a single back in a while but i could do i could do standing back flips until a few years ago wow yeah no shit right dude that's so i so i always wanted to learn how to do that i did uh i over rotated a flip one time and i fucking slam my head in the mats back then when you see floor exercise today it's not even the same sport it's all springboard right with like two inches of padding when we did it it was those fucking rubber you know half inch thick mats that you roll out and the corners come popping up.

That's what we used to do it on. Yeah, so you were fucking twisting your ankle all the time landing on that shit. How bad did you fuck your head up when you landed? It was bad. My injuries were my ankles, though. I used to fuck up my – and then, you know, you can't do anything for a little while. So the reason why I keep asking about head trauma is because my friend Mark Gordon, he's an expert in traumatic brain injury. He's an endocrinologist, and he studies a lot of soldiers, and he's written a bunch of papers on soldiers, former football players, fighters.

He's worked with a bunch of people that have had brain injuries. And his conclusion, like in a lot of them that were suicidal, a lot of them that are severely depressed, and his conclusion is that for a lot of them, what happened was damage to the pituitary gland that stopped them from producing hormones correctly. And it leads to severe lack of energy, depression, and it's almost always correlated with head trauma. And oftentimes head trauma that people forgot about. They didn't think it was that big of a deal. with head trauma and oftentimes head trauma that people forgot about. Wow. They didn't think it was that big of a deal. Yeah.

But it could be literally wiping out on a jet ski, slamming into the water. Skiing. Yeah, and then you're fucked up for years. Right. And you don't know why. Skiing for sure. Falling down, hitting your head. Snowboarding is really common.

Yeah. I've never snowboarded, but apparently when the board kicks up and your feet go up in the air and the fucking head comes down. Oh, yeah. That's how people get got. Well, and you've got to wear a helmet. Yeah. And a lot of kids don't.

Yeah. I've heard of kids getting fucked up. Hell, yeah. So all those things contribute to the – your brain is super delicate. It's really complicated machinery. It's like when you drop your iPhone. Maybe you drop it once.

How many times did you drop your iPhone? You dropped it three times today. Hey, hey, hey, put a fucking case on that thing. I mean, they do these drop tests, right? They do drop tests where they drop it over concrete and see how good it is. Your head is similar in that you can get away with getting wracked in the head. But I was in Hawaii recently, and I dropped my phone the last time. You drop your phone, you know it's getting a little wonky and then you

drop it the last time and it's just gonzo it's gonzville it was just calling people i would i was really yeah i was showing uh so when i was uh i had the phone open and i was like watch watch it's on the contacts look it's just gonna start calling people i just started calling people and i'd hang up and they would just call somebody else and i'd hang up and we just call somebody else it was just falling apart it wouldn't let me log in anymore like it wasn't it wasn't sensing my fingers touching the screen to put in the key code was your shit all backed up yeah yeah yeah it was all backed up but it was like god damn it yeah god damn it yep yeah i smashed my screen i didn't i didn't give a fuck your head's like that that's my fuck. Your head's like that.

That's my point. Yeah. Your head's like that. Like, if I didn't get that one last drop, maybe a phone would have been all right. Yeah. I would have kept that phone today. Yeah. You know, maybe I would have looked at the new phones when I don't need that.

It's basically with the same phone. Right. Nope. Rock. Smack. I'm reading this book now about, speaking of changing your brain, it's called How to Change Your Mind. It's by Michael Pollan. Yeah, yeah.

He's been on the podcast talking about it. Oh, no shit. Yeah, it's a great episode. Did he talk about his new book? It's basically about psychedelics and LSD and mushrooms in particular. Yeah. It traces the whole fucking history of it. Yeah.

I had no idea how much research was done back in the 50s and 60s oh yeah i mean they had conclusive studies that were showing with um alcoholism people were 70 of people that underwent these treatments with psychedelics got sober yeah depression cigarettes cigarettes yeah i mean it's amazing and all that shit just got fucking thrown away yeah corrupt people kept that information away from folks the studies that nixon funded like nixon funded a bunch of studies that showed positive benefits of marijuana oh is that right and they you know the nixon administration just fucking canned them like get out of here with this shit yeah i'm not releasing this well and the the other thing he

mentions is that it got squashed by by shrinks because they had a vested interest in people not going into the woods for a weekend and coming back without their depression so yeah so they so they disqualified all the studies oh fuck yeah the yeah. Wow. The psychiatrists were horrified that these kind of results were coming back. Was it that for sure? Or was it people who've never taken psychedelics horrified that people were out there experimenting with their consciousness? Because I think a lot of these psychiatrists are probably really straight-laced guys. And so in their mind, especially in the shadows of reefer madness and all the propaganda they

had heard in the 30s and 40s. And when you look at those people and they're out there in the fucking desert or wherever they're going, dancing around, taking mushrooms under the moonlight, like they're blowing their brains out here. You got to stop this. Right. If they're straight laced people that have never done psychedelics, they might not be in cahoots.

It might more likely be a bunch of people that think it's a fucking terrible idea to let people run around taking acid well there was just some of the medical journals came out with with pieces saying that none of these studies are valid because there wasn't uh i forget what it is about studies that have to be consistent um but the other thing is it was political and you had timothy leary who was you know the worst thing to happen to this kind of testing, because he was saying, was it drop out? Tune in, turn on, drop out. Drop out. And that whole idea, they said, people taking LSD are not going to fight your wars, and so that became a threat to the status quo.

Wow. And that's when the laws started to come out. Huh. It's interesting because he also got a lot of people to get excited about it. Right. Yeah. But he took it away from it being a medical process

and he made it about, you know, enlightenment but in a kind of fluffy spiritual way. Well, he made it a big movement, right? I think he thought that he was probably going to change the world with that movement. Yeah. And he kind of did. He definitely had a big impact. Yeah.

All those people that took acid. Like, think about if you really stop and think about Apple and you really look at the fact that Apple steve jobs said that taking acid was like one of the greatest things that's ever happened to him yeah that was his famously talked about it and who knows what what an impact that had on him deciding to start apple and what what an impact apple has had in the technology world oh no pollen talks about it in the book he draws a straight line from people starting to take all this stuff because it was happening in silicon valley yeah this whole psychedelic movement was like right in that area yeah and he says that it you know bill

bill gates apparently took it once but that all those guys were coming in and they were you know they there were these people that would lead. There was a guy named… Ram Dass? No, Hubbard. Well, Ram Dass is mentioned also. Yeah. But there was a guy named Hubbard who was really like a corporate version of LSD. He was going to companies, and he was taking the CEOs of companies and taking them in for these three-day drop acid experiences.

Right. Wow. Corporate acid. Well, they're kind of doing that at Burning Man. Oh, is that right? Some corporations go to, I mean, not a lot, but there's some cool companies that go to Burning Man. Yeah.

You know? What's this? Alfred Matthew Hubbard. He's an early proponent of the drug LSD during the 1950s. He is reputed to be the Johnny Appleseed of LSD. And the first person to emphasize LSD's potential as a visionary or transcendental drug. But this guy had a fucking life. Somebody's got to do a movie about his life.

He was like working for the government he was a double agent he was uh while he was dropping acid he was he he started with nothing no i think before before during and after he had like eight different careers and he was like a spy and he bought it he started with nothing and ended up with like a bunch of airplanes that he was leasing out, became a millionaire and then spent it all trying to educate people on LSD.

He was worth like tens of millions of dollars and he ended up broke at the end. Wow. Yeah. Wow. All for the LSD. He believed in it so strongly that it was going to change the world.

And it would have. It may still. Now it's coming back. Well, there was a little hiccup where several generations had to pass before people started understanding that there's a risk to everything. There's a risk to sports. There's a risk to every fucking thing you do. Driving your car is a risk. There's a risk with psychedelics. But there's also risk to every fucking thing you do driving your car's a risk there's a risk with

psychedelics but there's also a reward and i think if you're going to be honest you have to look at both of them you have to look at the potential risk you have to look at the reward and they're not looking at the reward they're trying there's too many people out there that are trying to deny the reward and you got to find out why and in this day and age it might be a conspiracy it might be some pharmaceutical industry that doesn't want it to be legal because it would undermine their profits. It might be. It might be some law enforcement unions that think it's a bad idea to make less things illegal. It'll take, you know.

Prisons. Yeah, it'll take people away, you know, in terms of the amount of people that they need for the job. You know, which I think that's another story but when you you know people look at that kind of stuff and you look at like the the underlying sort of patterns that we follow in this country you know the patterns that like are you happy or not happy with the way things go, the way things are run? In what sense? Just in any sense, in all of it.

I trust that we do have the best system out there and we challenge it every day. And I still think that we live in a place where the tenants of our society are in place. For sure. They swing one way or the other, but I still believe in democracy, and I think the internet as an overall thing has been positive for people getting their voices out and for— For information, period, being distributed. getting their voices out and for for information period yeah being distributed but the eye the idea that we're faced with that in this day and age there's grown adults telling other grown adults what they can and can't put in their body yeah and they're not being honest about the benefits right that's where it gets squirrely that's where the whole thing falls apart like you're just a guy

like if you and i are the only two people on the planet and you're like hey man i'm not gonna let you take that acid like why well because it's illegal look i wrote it down can't take the acid right well that would be preposterous yeah but somehow or another it works when there's a million people then a person can tell you know if you're a fucking grown adult you can't tell me what i can take that's stupid yeah if you can't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I'm going to take is going to fuck with you, if you can't prove that, then stop. Look, if someone does something,

if they take something and does something, they take PCP and they run face first through a fucking 7-Eleven window, that's on them. That's on their actions. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to try PCP. And I don't think you should try PCP. I think when enough people smash through windows and go crazy, you go, hey, maybe that's a drug I should fucking avoid.

But that's how you find out about that. Yeah. You let grown adults make their own decisions. And if you're the one who's making the decisions for all the grown adults, you better have some real fucking logic to what you're saying. And it turns out they don't. And this is the same society that allows the pharmaceuticals to peddle opiates to people for the last 30 years saying that it was the greatest thing you could do. Exactly. I think it's good that they make money because they make

medicine that helps a lot of people. They're not all bad. I think in general, pharmaceuticals have helped people in tremendous ways. But you can't deny that if there's some way, shape, or form that people are influencing other people having access to beneficial things because it would impact their profit line, that's evil. Yeah. That's evil. You have a lot of fucking money. If you're really going out of your way to hire lobbyists to make sure that mushrooms don't get on the table come on man yeah you're you are you're a fucking real problem that's a real problem if you look at yin and yang this is this is the opposing forces that we're battling

to try to get total complete freedom of your consciousness these are the opposing forces they're ignorance. Like these psychiatrists, I guarantee you these psychiatrists were worried about correlations between psychotic episodes and psychedelic drug use and they're worried about people falling apart and they're right. They're right. So the ones that wanted to get it illegal, they're right. It's like working on back flips when there's a fucking thin pad under you.

Yeah, you could fall on your head. You're right and we say don't do gymnastics people fall on their head one out of ten falls on their head you're not doing gym you're not falling on your fucking head right right this is the same thing it's the same thing yeah so people worried about it that don't really have experience in it i guarantee you most of those psychiatrists just didn't have experience in it or were super cautious folks because if they did have experiences with it maybe they try a little mushroom dose and they'd be like wow this is amazing right and also controlling um you know set and setting they keep talking about you know and realizing that the, you know, occurrence of a psychotic episode is so much lower when it's, you know, when it's being dispensed the right way. Yeah, so much lower.

You ever been led through it by somebody? Not really. Like when you did ayahuasca, was there like a guide? I didn't do ayahuasca. I just did DMT. Oh. Aubrey, my friend Aubrey acted as a, he kind of set the setting in a way where it was, I would say like spiritual. Like not over the top, but just announcing your intentions.

That we're going into this, we're going in this, we're going to let go. We're going to give thanks to all the spirits around us and all the energy around us just go into this with a good intention give be grateful be uh go into it with gratitude and then the way it hits you it hits you like like a infinite cyclone of geometric patterns in impossible colors, just blasting into your brain instantaneously. And you're like, what? Like going into it with the intention of letting go is probably one of the best pieces of advice you could give people to avoid a freak out.

Right. Go with it. Let it go. Just let yourself go. And what it's trying to do is your ego is trying to wrestle with this grizzly bear, this enormous short-faced bear on steroids. Your ego is trying to wrestle with this impossible-to-resist force. And that's what leads to a lot of people freaking out.

So losing your ego is the ultimate goal of it. I don't think anybody ever really loses their ego. I think you keep it in check. You lose some of it. You keep some of it because that's part of your survival mechanism. The real problem is like having a healthy ego, you know? Like if your wife looks good and she's looking at herself in the mirror, she's like, I look good.

You look fucking great. I do look good. Like she feels good. It feels everybody that's ego, right? You want to know you look good, but it's not a bad ego. It's fun. You know I'm saying yeah The real problem is when it gets out of control and toxic then it will fake Yeah, other people see it like you know, you see gross and they're like, ew, you see gross behavior, gross selfishness. You see that and you go, oh, that's the bad part of the ego. That's what I'm seeing.

Yeah. But the key is to know which is which, and that's hard. It's hard to know which is which. Which one is the overwhelming force inside your mind? Which one is the one that's controlling your consciousness and your behavior and which is is it the good one or the bad one is it the fun healthy one or is it the one that is uh you know completely obsessed with yourself and only yourself yeah you don't know until you have these experiences and then the the the nature of them gets exposed it like takes them down to the

roots and you start thinking about oh where did all this come from like where's where's all what's the source of all this like oh there's a validation issue there's a this issue there's a trust issue there's a you know whatever the fuck it is it's swirling out of that in this uh unnatural form to create the negative behavior that you are are manifesting in your life. Like it all, it comes from something. And one of the things about psychedelic experiences is it shut, like it shuts the ego off for a second and lets you stand outside of it and go, look what that thing's doing to you. Look at this thing.

This thing's gross. Not only that, it doesn't work. You know, like here's, here's a perfect example, ego that doesn't work. Name dropping. Like if you're hanging out with somebody and he's like, yeah, you know, sean penn was over my house last night man right fucking and you're like no you you know what jeremy piven was just telling me about that last week name dropping i'm just kidding why that name you just fill it up but like it doesn't really work yeah but everybody knows your name dropping you know like yeah when steven Steven Spielberg and I are pretty tight.

You're like, what? Yeah. But it's one thing, like, if you told me you went over Sean Penn's house, I'd be like,

oh, what's he like? Like, then it wouldn't be name dropping. Mm-hmm. Like, if you did it, it wouldn't be name dropping.

Like, if you told me, like, I was hanging out with Sean Penn, I'd be like, oh, how weird. Well,

because it's the beginning of a story. Yeah. I'm not just going to let that hang as a follow-up. Yeah, that's not your whole thing. Yeah. Right. So, like, comedy be like, oh, how weird. Well, because it's the beginning of a story. Yeah. I'm not just going to let that hang as a follow-up. Yeah, that's not your whole thing. Yeah. Right. So, like, comedy is like name-dropping with stories. Yeah.

With good stories that go with it. But you know there are comedians that are really, like, guileless about just bringing a name in or bringing up a project they worked on. Bringing a name in or bringing up a project they worked on. And you look back at the joke and you go, could have told that joke without telling me that Frank Sinatra was in the audience that night. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And I remember Anthony Clark used to do that when he was coming up in Boston. He was the guy. He was the guy, the young, hot guy in Boston.

Dude. And I mean, that dude, you put his name on a marquee, and he was fucking one year out of college. And he was this cute guy with a southern accent and the baseball cap on. And he was silly. And he would fill up a fucking room. And he would just, and then he started to get some success. And it always found his way in his act. He would talk about, yeah, you know, I was talking to this actor when I was doing Chicago on Broadway.

And no, not Chicago. What did he do? Oklahoma. He did Oklahoma on Broadway when he was like 24 years old. Wow. And, you know, and then he just started and he got in with that with River Phoenix and he did like three River Phoenix movies. And he was in with River Phoenix, and he did like three River Phoenix movies. And he was fucking good. And then somehow he got into the TV route and didn't follow the film route.

But he's a good actor. Yeah, I remember he had Boston Common. Remember that? Boston Common. And that didn't go. It went for a little while, but it got canceled. And it was a show that was all his. Right.

And then he went to do Yes, Dear. And he did Yes, Dear for a long time. No, but then he did one with and then he went to do yes dear he did yes dear for a long time no but then he did one with dan akroyd oh he did where dan akroyd was a priest maybe they were both priests really yeah really that might have been f because because uh yes dear was on a good seven eight years easily forever yeah yeah soul man soul man soul man huh so that dude and his

his quote per episode was very high from the get go and he just kept buying real estate well that's that's what he does now

right I haven't you haven't talked to him in a while I think I heard he sells real estate now yeah I was like Anthony

he was a murderer back in Boston. We used to see him at Faneuil Hall. He would fill that fucking place. The comedy connection when they moved, when Blumenreich took over and they moved to the big room. Yeah. And they moved out of that little tiny room and put it in Faneuil Hall. I remember walking through there

one day and Anthony Clark was murdering. And I was like, this is 90% women. this is so weird yeah oh is that right it's all women yeah dude i'll come to see him guys loved him too don't get me wrong but women really loved him they thought he was so cute you know well they say that's the secret to being a draw is appeal to women because they're the ones that decide what to do at night yes yeah right like there's not a whole lot of chicks begging to go to Slayer. Right.

And if they are, take them. That's a, that's a good one. Yeah. They want to go see someone cute. I bet there's like probably a disproportionate number of chicks going to see Aquaman.

I bet if you, if you looked, if you looked at the number of women that want to go see a superhero movie and the number of women that want to go see Aquaman. Yeah. It's off the charts in Aquaman's favor. Someone should do a study. That's a handsome man.

What's his name? Jason Momoa. He was badass in Game of Thrones. He's a beast too. Yeah. Super nice guy too. I met that guy in a Whole Foods. He's a sweetheart.

Sort of. I'm telling you how sweetheart he is. Like nice guy, too. I met that guy in a Whole Foods. He's a sweetheart. Sort of. Just telling you how sweetheart he is. Like, you're so handsome. It's confusing. So tall and beautiful. I'm feeling weird feelings right now. Yeah, look at that guy. Yeah. Yeah. My wife said it best. She said, he's everybody's type. She's like, you know, some girls, Brad Pitt's their type. You know, some girls, it's, you know, fill in the blank. Yeah. Some girls, it's Jimmy Fallon. Look at that. Yeah, he's everybody's type.

And he's a giant. And he's got awesome tattoos. And he's a fucking nice guy. He fucking, are those his real tattoos? I don't believe so. I think that's just for Aquaman. That's his tattoos for Aquaman. What are his real tattoos? I don't believe so. I think that's just for Aquaman. That's his tattoos for Aquaman. What are his real tattoos?

He's got a gang of real tattoos. The forearm ones, I think, is his real tattoos. Yeah. Boy, that takes some time in makeup because if he's doing a role where they don't want that, that's a lot of time

covering that shit up every day. I don't think they have to cover up shit with him. Yeah. They just let that beautiful face get on screen. Let all those dampened panties do the talking. Woo! See you again tomorrow, ma'am.

Woo! Yeah, girls are going to that movie. It's like a porn theater in Times Square in the 70s for women. It's probably like thick. Slipping their hands down. Thick with moisture in the air. Yeah. Fanning yourself off. All these little

heaters. You're walking out. Clotch heaters. Your feet are stuck on the floor. You think it's the popcorn butter. Nope. Nope. Nope. Yeah. How do we get on subject to him? Aquaman, girls, porn. Anthony Clark. Oh yeah. Girls deciding what to go see. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Girls would be, they'd be like, yeah, let's go see Aquaman. And you'd be like, wait a minute, I thought you hate superhero movies. Whatever. You want to go? Yeah. You're like, shit. She wants to stare at Jason Momoa. Fuck.

Right. He is pretty beautiful. You watch him on screen. Damn it. Yeah. Shit. I can't hate her. You think some women watch MMA for that reason? I think some

guys are cute. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Not only cute, but savages. Right. I mean, the number of women with sketchy childhoods that are attracted to MMA fighters is gonna be off the charts. Yeah.

I don't want to say that in a very polite way. As polite as I could say it. I think even regular women, I think like lawyers, like buttoned down women. Yeah. See, Oh,

because they're around neutered men all day. Yeah, you're around a guy like, you know who Luke Rockhold is? No. Might be better looking than Jay's mama.

And he's a, UFC, he was middleweight champion. Beautiful. Yeah. Six foot three, six foot four, somewhere in that range. Wow. Perfect features, looks like a model. Beautiful. Yeah. 6'3", 6'4", somewhere in that range. Wow. Perfect features.

Looks like a model. Huh. Handsome as fuck. God, I want to see him. Look at him. Oh, yeah. Ass kicker. That's not the best picture of him, bro.

That's kind of gay. That's after a fight. Yeah. I've seen him before a fight. He's a beast. But point is, there's guarantee. Go to that one above with the blue shorts on. What you see is, look at that handsome bastard

look at him yeah he's got a good build that's the kind of build my wife likes she doesn't like it too big she likes it like me and him slow down you and him are the same the fuck for sure girls are watching that guy though

like okay here's another one George St. Pierre 100% look at that beautiful body George St. Pierre. 100%. Look at that beautiful body. Oh, yeah. George St. Pierre is beautiful. George St. Pierre literally has to beat women away from him. Yeah. Which they like.

Get away from me. I'm busy. I am busy. Go to that picture up there where he's throwing a punch. The one right there. Look at that. I mean, you don't think girls would be begging to have that inside of them? Let's just be honest. That right. Look at that. I mean, you know what I mean? Girls would be begging to have that inside of them. Let's just be honest.

If I was a woman, if I was a heterosexual woman and I saw that guy, and he was like, would you like a drink? I'd be like, fuck yes, I'd like a drink. Yeah. God damn, you savage. Let's do this. Yeah, I want a drink. Can we have it after you fuck me?

Yeah, I don't want to get too drunk. I want to feel it still. Woo! Yeah. And they go after it? Of course. Are some of them players? Some of the fighters? Oh, I don't want to feel it still. Woo! Yeah. And they go after it? Of course. Are some of them players? Some of the fighters?

Oh, I don't want to talk about that. That would be rude. All right. How dare you? Kiss and tell. But another thing that's interesting is female fighters, right? I was reading a story about a husband who's a trainer, I think, and his wife is a boxer. And I was reading this story about him, like his experience, like bringing her to the ring.

Like getting her, his wife is in there. She's going to knuckle up with some other chick and beat the shit, and maybe get really fucking hurt. And to be there while this is all happening, that's a wild, that's a wild life. A female fighter is a wild creature. You got to think a male fighter. It's like almost all boys somewhere in the back of their head have this ridiculous fantasy of being able to fuck everybody up. Yeah.

Like, yeah, come on bitch. You know, fight a bunch of people like a goddamn Chuck Norris movie and karate kick people. That would be cool. It's just the reality of learning how to do that. It's like, Oh, I don't want to do that. That would be cool. It's just the reality of learning how to do that.

It's like, oh, I don't want to do that. That's too much. It's too dangerous. It's too scary. Fuck this. And most people don't do it. But for women to have that is probably way more rare. To have this desire to secretly fuck people up, probably way more rare.

Maybe like, let's be generous and say 20% the the number that men would want to fuck people maybe 20 of that is like the number that would be women so then how many of them go through with it yeah how many of them go through with it and get to be like a cat zingano or get to be like an amanda nunez like jesus christ that number's so small yeah so small in terms of like general population those are some wild humans yeah if they get to that stage where they're fighting in a fucking cage for a living yeah someone like holly home like that is a crazy way to make a living yeah yeah no you got to think if they make it that far they're even more vicious than men because they've they've you know they there's

such a social taboo for them yeah for men it's like oh that's badass you're an mma fighter but for women everybody just thinks it's weird and they think there's something wrong with you well it's become more acceptable but it's still terrifying especially for men that don't train like to for a man who doesn't train and he's like around misha tate she's really hot and she can also fuck people right like they get weirded out like imagine that girl could fuck you up like she's hot and she can also fuck people right like yeah they get weirded out like imagine that girl could fuck you up like she's hot and she could fuck you up that's not nice ah some guys probably love that people like that bondage where they're tied up and right overpowered but one of the odds that a girl who knows how to fuck people up is looking for that kind of guy all right almost

zero yeah that's true. Those girls are looking for guys like Luke Rockhold. They're looking to get stuffed by another alpha. That would be a good porn movie right there. Shit. That would go for days. What they should do is bank it, like Luke Rockhold should shoot a lot of porn and bank it,

and then have it release after he's retired from his career. Because right now it's just going to get in the way. Yeah. It's going to be a distraction. Right. But he knows that's his 401K, my porn. Yeah.

Yeah, it's the numbers of women that become elite fighters. I wonder what it is in terms of the amount that try it and then the amount that become fully successful. I bet it's a tiny, tiny percentage. To get all the way through? How many men when you were growing up, how many guys

either wanted to learn how to box or wrestle or do some kind of martial arts? A lot of wrestlers. Yeah. It was a schoollers. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was a school sport. There was taekwondo and there was wrestling. Those were pretty much the only forms that I saw. We didn't have boxing in my town.

But a lot of kids you knew were into it, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. How many girls? I can't think of any. Super rare. But the martial arts classes did have a lot of girls. It's kind of interesting. Yeah.

It was a good number. It wasn't half, but it might have been 20%. Yeah. It might be 20% women that were in those classes because they wanted to learn self-defense, you know. I put my daughter in taekwondo. She wasn't that into it, but I go, just do a year just to give you some sense of facing somebody if a fight happens yeah and some sense of what it's like to struggle with someone physically they're moving you got to move with them you gotta and the older you are where you

start learning that the more difficult it is to incorporate into your the way you think about things right i think when you're young if you have some experience with martial arts, you'll be more calm and confident if something happens when you get older. Right. You already, your body, you develop knowing how to move that way. Yeah. When you're already like kind of set in your ways

and you're injured and you're old and then someone wants to teach you a wheel kick, like, oh Christ. Yeah. Like there's no way my body's going to do that. Right. My body doesn't move like that. Yeah.

It's like you being able to do backflips like you could still do a backflip your body learned how to do that when you were young that program's in there and there's a moment of faith when you do a backflip where when you go up you have to go up before you go back

and that's the first mistake and the constant mistake is people go to do a back flip and they lunge backwards oh and they land on their head but you really have to trust that you have to shoot your hands up not back and then you pull it in and go over damn scary and that's like that with uh i'm sure with martial arts is this moves that are there's a moment of faith when i don't train for a long time then i try to to do a turning sidekick on the heavy bag. There's like a moment like, okay, I'm going to hit this thing, right?

What am I doing here? I'm standing like this. Okay, ready? And turn. Oh, I just dropped something. Oh, I just dropped this big ass knife. Shit. That's not good to have around right there.

What am I, 12? Keep this big giant knife on the table. yeah when i when i do it today to this day like i have to do it slow a couple times and get the feel of it yeah i haven't trained in a while and then then then it becomes a normal thing all right but man it's hell on your fucking knees i got a new knee thing going on like this is uh the third time i've had to get stem cells injected into this meniscus tear oh really i got this little tiny meniscus tear. And it develops into a cyst. The tear, we've hit it with stem cells a few times,

and it doesn't give me any pain anymore. But a cyst keeps developing in that area, and the cyst has to get punctured and drained. It's getting smaller and smaller. It happened three different times where I had to get it drained, and the last time was a few days ago, and it was the smallest it's ever been, but still fucking annoying. But you're still running.

Yep. Doesn't hurt when you run? I'm taking time off right now. I'm taking a little bit of time off right now. I'm going to take a couple weeks off, and I'm going to run at a slower pace, just get the dog some exercise, and I'm going to be more cautious about pace, just get the dog some exercise, and I'm going to be more cautious about it.

I'm not going to push myself. I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm doing that's causing this cyst to recur. I think it's just overall pounding, the hill running, kicking the bag, and all that shit. I need to let it fully set in before I go back to doing that shit. So I'm just doing a bunch of other different stuff now. A lot of yoga. Does cryogenics help? It'll help somewhat.

You know, what cryogenics is really good for is, first of all, it's really good for your mood. If you've never done it before, the best kind are the kind where you get your whole body in there, not just your neck down. The neck down is okay. It's definitely better than nothing. But the real feeling is when your head's under and your whole body is, like, immersed in this air that's cooled by liquid nitrogen. It's fucking freezing, dude. Yeah. Have you done it?

No. I want to do it. Let's do it today. Yeah, I'll do it. We'll do it today. Okay. We're going to do it today. You're going to love it.

It's a freak out, man. It's a freak out. How long do you stay Let's do it today. Yeah, I'll do it. We'll do it today. Okay. Okay, we're going to do it today. You're going to love it. It's a freak out, man. It's a freak out. How long do you stay in for? Three minutes. And then I stay out for 10 minutes, and then I do another three minutes. Damn. Yeah. You feel amazing afterwards.

And it'll fix my knee. Well, it won't fix it. It'll reduce inflammation, though. But norepinephrine, that's what it's called, right? Is that the word? You sure? That stuff gets radically boosted in your brain. It helps a lot of people with arthritis.

A lot of people who have a lot of inflammation, it helps them. Is that how I say it? I said it right? It ramps that shit up. You feel so good when you get out of there. You're like, woo! It lasts a while, too. Yeah.

Ah! Wow. You're just freezing to death. You are freezing to death. You were freezing to death. You were on your way to death. And you step out of it, and you're like, wow. And everything just feels, whoa. Really?

Yeah, it feels good, man. It feels good. I fucking love swimming in cold water. It's amazing for you. Yeah. The way you feel when you get out, too. But here's the thing. It's amazing for you.

Yeah. The way you feel when you get out too. But here's the thing. It's not the best thing to do if you're trying to gain muscle weight. You have to wait a while after the exercise. Like there's – apparently there's a bunch of different studies and I know Andy Galpin's been involved in a bunch of these studies and Rhonda Patrick has discussed some of this research as well. But what happens is there's a window of time after you lift weights where you should just leave your body alone and not ice anything. And this is more beneficial to gaining strength and explosiveness and mass and stuff like

that. But that after a window of time, then it's beneficial to get into the ice bath or to do cryo or something like that. But you want to give yourself, your body, a period of time to physiologically adjust to the work. Like your body knows what's happened. Oh, Greg did deadlifts today. Okay.

Okay. Okay. We got all that. Get everything in place. But if you freeze it right there, then it has an effect on the over, and I might be butchering this, but I think it has effect

on the overall amount of gains that you can make. Okay. Because your body's not sending the chemicals to the muscle the way it would. Right. See if you can find out

if that's true. That's a, figure out how to Google that one. How do you Google that one? Post-workout. Yeah, post-workoutout cryotherapy and hypertrophy. Cause that's what they're that's what they're trying to dig. They're trying to figure out whether or not it's beneficial or not in that case.

So they think that it's really good for the mood and it's really good for people with joint issues. really good for the mood and it's really good for people with uh joint issues a lot of the folks that that go there they have like uh back surgery or back issues and it gives them a lot of relief and you can do it every day too because it's only three minutes the thing about something like that is it's not it's not like any other kind of therapy like you can't do it any longer it's not like you're being a pussy because you're only doing it for three minutes bitch you can't even do three minutes i bet the first time you go in there two minutes you're like fuck this yeah oh my god yeah at two minutes you're probably ready to bail but then your body will get used to it and then you can do three minutes but it's uh it's very controversial especially because a woman died

um there was a woman in vegas yeah a woman in vegas was operating it herself and apparently she was not in the right height and the liquid nitrogen was getting into her her lungs she was breathing it in and she passed out and she passed out and froze to death wow yeah terrifying because she had uh i guess i think the story was that she had worked there and you know she was after hours just doing therapy on herself and she fucking fell asleep in there you should never do that by yourself if you do it at a reputable place there'll always be someone standing by watching while you're in they stand outside the the door while you're inside of it scary though because you realize when you're in there you're like this is uh this is something you can't survive for that long you can survive it for a few minutes when you're in there, you're like, this is something you can't survive for that long.

You can survive it for a few minutes, but you're literally exposing yourself to something that is 100% fatal if you stay in it. Yeah. No, it's like cold water. You don't have to be in freezing cold water. They say the amount of hours you can survive in water is like surprisingly warm. Yeah. If it's like in the 40ss you can die after a couple hours yep i'm throwing numbers out but no it's surprising yeah that getting wet is one of the most dangerous

things that can ever happen to you if you're in the winter in the mountains yeah it's one of the most dangerous things you fall into water they actually have uh rewarming drills that they teach people particularly soldiers and uh outdoorsmen that are interested in this shit um my friend john barklow uh he works for sitka that's a premier outdoor company they make um like hunting clothes and stuff like that and they have a whole video on how to do a rewarming drill and so what he does is him and his friend jump into a frozen river and then go into a tent and heat themselves back up again wow dude you watch this and your whole body just goes ah because you they're in the winter and they jump into a river they got to move the ice around and hop in this fucking frozen stream and they go all the way

under and then they come out with their soaked down and all their soaked wool clothes and their soaked synthetics and they get into a tent, they climb into their sleeping bags and they try to heat themselves up. Wow. Yeah, if you have no access to a building,

a house, no shower, you're fucked. You're out in the woods. There's very specific things that you have to do in order to survive. Yeah. If you don't follow the right steps, you're fucked. You're out in the woods. There's very specific things that you have to do in order to survive. Yeah. If you don't follow the right steps, you absolutely will die. Yeah.

It's really common. It kills more people than probably anything in the woods. Freezing to death. Yeah, that movie Revenant freaked me out. Just going into the woods up north for three months. Yeah. To collect pelts. And you're walking through fucking streams and it's pouring rain and you got no heater, no electricity.

Fuck that. Yeah, that's how people died. A lot of people lived that way too. A lot of people lived that way until they died. I mean, do you think about those people that made it across this country and the people like Lewis and Clark and all these pioneers that just didn't even know what the fuck was around the next corner.

Right. And they just walked on through with, what did they have, like donkeys with shit on their back? Yeah. How much food do you have? Yeah. Do you even know where the fuck you're going?

You hit an impasse, you hike for miles and then you come up to a mountain and you got to double back and go around. Jesus Christ. No Google Earth. No nothing. Shit maps. Dog shit maps written by people you hope knew what the fuck they were talking about.

Right. You know, you get maps from Native Americans. You get maps from a sailor trying to figure it out. And then you randomly go into the wrongor, try to figure it out. And then you randomly go into the wrong territory and Indians want to kill you. You know, there's an interesting film that's out on Netflix right now, The Ballad of

Buster Scruggs. It's a Coen Brothers movie, and it's all about that. It's all about the Old West. It's really weird, man. They're so weird. They are the weirdest guys of all time. The Coen Brothers? Yeah. The Big Lebowski, one of my all-time favorites. They've just made so many cool, weird films. But this one's really weird.

It's like a bunch of non-connected stories. I thought they were connected, but they're not. They're just all taking place in the same time period. And it's all the Old West. And they end pretty similarly. They're all fucking dark. And you got to go into it. I would highly recommend it, but go into it knowing it's going to be fucking dark. You got to go there it i would highly recommend it but go into it knowing

it's gonna be fucking dark you gotta go there yeah just accept it but tom waits his one is fucking amazing amazing yeah dude amazing yeah i thought it was nick nolte for a second hell yeah is that yeah nolte right dude is so good that one that one was really good the singer guy was really good. I love that he, well, I don't want to spoil it for people. I don't want to spoil it. But no, it's, yeah, they're all great. But at the end of it, I was like, what the fuck did I just watch?

Yeah. Did you ever watch Deadwood? Deadwood on HBO? No, I never did, man. No, I never saw that. You know what? The thing about Deadwood is I watched it once, and they were swearing so much that my bullshit alarm went off.

That's why I stopped watching. Yeah, I was like, I don't think people talked like that back then. Because they didn't talk like that in the 50s and the 60s. See, the trend doesn't make sense. If people talked like that in the Wild West, then where did that go? Where'd that go? It all went into the ether? They had kids.

They raised their children. The children are around this kind of language. And somehow or another it escaped and it went away and it stopped. That's not how the world works. Right. The world doesn't work that way. The world works in the way that like you slowly introduce fucked up words. And then they become like the word fuck.

If you said the word fuck on television in the 1950s, you would get arrested. Yeah. Right? Yeah. How is that possible? Say it on stage, you get arrested glennie bruce yeah george crowlin how is it possible that that is a hundred years removed from people saying it with abandon constantly i don't believe it yeah like i think a better example of what it was probably like is like gangs of new york and then it's probably more accurate. Yeah. Like that was probably what people were like back then. Right.

They were probably brutal as fuck, but I bet they didn't swear as much as we like to think they did. Yeah. The Deadwood thing was like, they were using it as a, I mean, maybe I need to go back and watch it before I talk shit, but it felt like they were using it almost like to modernize it.

Yeah. You know, they were having these people talk like Scallywags would talk today. Right. They also say cursing is cultural. Like, if you're in a, you know, they talk about how black people curse versus how Protestants curse. Want some of this coffee?

Yeah, I'll have some more of that. Did you have any? We have any. I had a little bit. This article about it says that they purposely changed the words to make it more contemporary because people wouldn't have been buying if they were saying tarnation and gold darn and shit like that. Yeah.

Yeah, there you go. It wasn't tarnation. Exactly. But imagine if they did that with Vikings. You know? Like, yo, we pillaging or what? What are we doing dog The fuck man

Yeah I wanna be king of this bitch Yo Thor Let's let loose on this shit Let's let loose on these bitches Yeah I mean maybe That's

That's real similar Yeah see that's why Okay so I'm not wrong Yeah they did it on purpose They're bringing it back They're making either a movie Or something or other Bringing the series back

Because it ended in the middle of season 2 When that writer's strike happened Right I heard there's a dope Viking one That's on Netflix now I think it's a comedy Is it? Hell yeah

What is that? Norse gods or something like that Let me see No that's not I don't think that's the one Somebody else told me about one I think I put it on my phone Because It's Norse gods or something like that. No, that's not the one. I don't think that's the one. Not that one? Somebody else told me about one. I think I put it on my phone.

Norsemen. Norsemen? Is that it? That might be it. Is that a comedy? Mm-hmm. Oh. It's weird.

My kids fucking curse, and I never cursed around the house. My wife cursed a little, but now suddenly it's okay. And they're 15 and 18, but it's suddenly okay that we're at dinner and just fuck gets thrown around all the time. When did I okay that? Is it Norseman? It's just got a comedic vibe to it.

I don't know if it's a full-on comedy. I'm just going to skip the whole thing. I'm not going to jump either. This is not my kind of thing. Just based off of that, I saw it. That looks like some Monty Python shit. Well, why not?

I've heard it's good, though. This might be it. There's too many new shows. I can't keep up. Yeah. I can't keep up. I know. It's great.

There's such high quality. Things are so good, but it's not it's like it's great there's such high quality things are so good but it's not great in that you can't keep up have you started watching the marvelous mrs mazel yeah i saw the first season and then maybe one or two of the second season but it just i really liked it i think she's fucking great obviously the cast tony shalhoub but it just got so jewish don't say anything because i'm i'm just starting it okay this is what i did you're gonna love it i fucked up and started with season two oh you did started with episode one season two got to episode three i was like what's wrong with this yeah that's hilarious no i didn't even know somebody had to tell me somebody had to tell me at the store I forget who told me. But I went back and watched the first episode of season one. I was like, holy shit, this is even better.

But I thought it was good watching the first episode of season two, not even knowing how she got there. Because I knew it was about stand-up. I knew she was a comic. But then going back and watching it from season one, I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, I think there's a lot of stuff about how they – and writing on a show that's similar and that it's about a comedian starting out on Crashing,

I think they really capture the process of somebody brand new finding their voice on stage. Yeah, yeah. And the manager's great. The woman that plays her manager, there's always somebody like that that's in your corner that's helping you develop yourself. And she's natural on stage i buy it i buy her as a stand-up on stage i buy her as being actually funny yeah yeah and it's interesting seeing lenny bruce the guy who plays lenny bruce

is very good yeah who's that guy who's who's her too... And, spoiler alert, you get to see her breasts. Fantastic, by the way. Oh, good Lord. Good Lord. Thank you, Jesus. I had to do a search. I don't want to sound like a perv. But, no, I did a search on her nude.

Let's just let it go. I did a thing on her nude. Rachel Brosnahan. Brosnahan. I'll put it up so I can see his name as well. She won the Emmy. She won the Golden Globe this year. She won the Golden Globe for that?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, Rachel Bros Nahan. Braz Nahan. I'll put it up so I can see his name as well. She won the Emmy. She won the Golden Globe this year. She won the Golden Globe for that? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, Rachel Braz Nahan and Michael Ziegen. And Alex Ornstein is great. And who is playing Lenny Bruce? Is that the guy? Luke Kirby. Luke Kirby.

Luke Kirby, outstanding. He did a great job. He sounded like him. Without doing an obvious impression, it sounds like he's got the tone right, he's got the inflection right. It's not overly stylized. No, no, no. You believe it. He did a great job of seeming like a guy doing stand-up in front of a room of people, not like an actor playing a stand-up. Well, the woman that created the show, apparently her dad was a stand-up, and he knew Lenny Bruce, which is why she put him in the series.

Because he's the only historical figure in the show. Right, right. Yeah, well, it's also the show, they take some liberties with the history. I don't think there was a comedy club back then. The Gaslight, they called it? I don't think that was real. I don't think there there was a comedy club back then you know this gaslight they called it that's now i don't think that was real i don't think there really was a comedy club back then i think back then people were just doing poetry nights and they were doing you know

they'd be like a musician then a comedian comedians would host things right i don't think there was necessarily a comedy club yeah i think that came later. Yeah, it's like Catch a Rising Star came out of being a cabaret. And, you know, people would sing there. And then suddenly people started doing stand-up there. And the two existed together for years before it became a comedy club. We should actually know this. Why do we not know what was the very first comedy club? Well.

Was it Catch? There was the Hungry Eye in san francisco is that the first might have that was the 60s though was that when it started that was the 60s because the ice house um is the oldest running comedy club in the world the ice house is the oldest all the other old ones are gone except the ice house and the comedy and magic club is right on its heels. Right. That's probably second. But what was the original comedy club? Well, that place is called the Gaslight, and I think there was a Gaslight back then.

Do you think it was a comedy club, though? I don't think the way they did it, which was great, and again, I don't want to give too much of it away, but the way they did it where people were getting bumped, like she got bumped. Yeah. I don't think that that was what guys did, where they ran around doing 15 minutes

and go from one club to another the way New York comics do it now. Right, right. I don't think that's real. Yeah. But that's a nitpicky thing. It's more indicative, I think, of how people do it today.

Mm-hmm. You think they were doing... I mean, who the fuck knows though maybe they had a drop in back then maybe they did have nights like several nights where they had just comedy yeah there's this book by uh cliff nesteroff about the history of comedy you ever read that no he's great um i don't know but it's cliff uh n-e-s-t-e-r-O-V and I had him on my podcast a couple times. He's great. But the real first comedy shows in New York were the comedians.

Drunks, Thieves, Scoundrels and the History of American Comedy. Did you find anything about the oldest or the first stand-up comedy club? Arguably, it was in the United Kingdom in 1979. It was the Comedy Store and before that they were just performing in different places. Some English motherfucker got ahold of Wikipedia and ruined everything.

Yeah, right. That just started in the United Kingdom. In the United States history, it goes back into the 19th century in vaudeville places. And so it just depends on when somebody first turned their venue. Right. But what I'm saying is who called, who was,

who had the very first comedy club? Yeah. The Hungry Eye. San Francisco. Yeah. So the Hungry Eye was a 100 first comedy club? Yeah, the Hungry Eye. San Francisco? Yeah. So the Hungry Eye was a 100% comedy club. Yeah, and then the Bitter End, which was music and comedy. Hmm, interesting.

In New York. So those are the ones. And what year is that? It says in the 50s into the 60s. It doesn't have a particular year. Wow. Mort Sahl. I think Mort Sahl's still Wow. Mort Saul. I think

Mort Saul's still around. Google that. I think he is. I think he's still doing stand-up. I think Dick Gregory's around, too. I think Dick Gregory died. Oh, he did? Is that true? Find out that first. Because I'm a dick if I say he died and he didn't. Yeah.

Yeah, Dick Gregory funeral. Funeral. Yeah. Yeah. He died. But I. Funeral. Yeah. Yeah. He died. But I think Lenny Bruce might have started at the Hungry Eye as well. I think he started in San Francisco. I think you're right. Yeah.

Yeah, that was the Beatniks, right? Yeah. That led into the... Is he still around? Mm-hmm. God damn you, Mort Sahl. Still rocking. 1950.

91 years old, motherfucker. Wow. Outlived them 91 years old, motherfucker. Wow. Outlived them all. Good for him. Yeah, all these guys were the originators. I mean, without them, this is the original roots of the tree of stand-up comedy. 100%, right? Yeah.

What are you doing now, Jamie? Just Googling shit? I'm just leaving it up there. It's too long. I was just going back to look and see if I could find anything else. It's a crazy history. You really stop and think about the year it starts in the 60s and that before that, it didn't exist like that.

Like it was kind of a thing that people did. There was court jesters. There was funny people. There was comedy in various plays and musicals. There was comedic elements. Well, there's cabaret. Yeah. And there was MCs, people would MC things.

But in terms of someone going specifically to see someone say things in a funny way, just talking in front of a microphone, that shit is really recent. Yeah. Imagine if we were born 100 years ago. What the fuck would we do well we might we might have done um vaudeville hang out with all those vaudeville people vaudeville people where you go from town to town your your suitcase has no wheels on it you're lugging that shit on a train oh probably fun though though, if you're young. Yeah. If you're young, it's probably fun.

Because if you think you're a big deal when you go to a town now, go to fucking Columbus, Ohio in 1919 and perform. You would be like a god to them. Yeah, but you'd also be like a carny. Yeah. You're traveling from town to town. Probably fucking real loose with your morals. Yeah, right. Spreading God knows what around the Midwest. All kinds of STDs and IOUs.

Babies constantly. Nobody pulled out or used the rubber in the 1910s. Right. And they're also, like, they're living a savage life. Like, to expect them to find a nice gal in Kansas and settle down. That's right. They're working the tilt-a-whirl, and they've got to prop it up with logs because the left side doesn't have a leg, and that thing spins,

so you've got to keep an eye on it. You don't want to launch anybody into the parking lot. And if you do, you just pack up and move to the next town. They just get the fuck out of Dodge. There's no way to track them on the internet. Yeah, they say a lot of those early—it was very Jewish up and move to the next town. They just get the fuck out of Dodge. There's no way to track them on the internet. Yeah. They say, you know, a lot of those early, um, it was very Jewish because Jews were having a hard time getting hired.

And so that was one of the few places they could work. And that's why they say comedy was a very Jewish thing. Oh, interesting. Leading into the Borscht Belt and all that. Stan and Ollie. This movie just came out. It's basically about this. What?

Laurel and Hardy were vaudeville touring comedians in the 1920s. When did this come out? It just came out. It's in the theaters right now. No shit. I haven't heard a word of it. It's supposed to be good. Yeah.

About two weeks ago. And Stan and Ollie stand for, I forget, Laurel and Hardy, right? Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. It's John C. Reilly and Steve Coogan. Wow.

Those guys are both amazing. Yeah. John C. Reilly's excellent. I don't know who Steve Coogan is. Who's Steve Coogan? He's a British stand-up, I think. But that's cool. I'm glad someone...

Okay. Oh, I've seen that guy in stuff before. I'm glad someone's doing that. Charlie Chapman was supposedly a bad motherfucker. Yeah. He would go up to the Hearst Castle and fuck Hearst's wife. In the castle. No.

You ever go up to that castle? Yeah, when I was a little kid. It's fucking amazing. And yeah, Chaplin would go up. He was fucking everybody. Really? Everybody's wife. Yeah.

Jesus. He got off on wives. Really? Yeah, that was his thing. That was his thing? Yeah. Oh yeah, Chaplin would go up. He was fucking everybody. Everybody's wife. Yeah. Jesus. He got off on wives. Really? Yeah, that was his thing. That was his thing? Yeah. Oh, so dangerous. Can you imagine?

You're only happy if you're banging someone else's woman. Wow, that's crazy. I guess there's no commitment. Maybe that it. And if she gets pregnant, you know, he'll claim it. He'll claim the baby. That's him there at the Hearst Castle. Wow.

Whoa. That's him with the cigarette? Yeah. That's so weird. 1930s. Banging her in his 60s. I mean, Hearst would have hundreds of guests every weekend. He had rooms for hundreds of people.

And they would have hunts. They would fucking hunt during the day. Or, you know, they'd play tennis. And then everybody would meet for highballs at like 5 o'clock in one room. And giant fireplaces. And then they'd have set dinners with fucking servants. And if you got an invite to that, you go for like three weeks. What?

Yeah. You come fucking look at that dining hall. You know what that looks like? That looks like the haunted dining hall in the Disney ride, the haunted mansion. I don't know. You ever seen that? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, so they got inspired from something. I guarantee you that's what it got inspired by. It looks so much like that. So look at that image right now, and now Google the dining room at the haunted mansion Disneyland. There's a scene where you fly by and you're on the little train and you pass by and all the ghosts are dancing around shit. It's pretty cool. It looks just like that.

And then it was a zoo. All the grounds were a zoo at Hearst Castle. There was fucking giraffes running around, zebras. He's like El Chapo. He couldn't get rid of his money. He had so much fucking money. That's a shit image of it. They don't have a good image of it?

Not really. Oh. All right. How's that possible? Not really supposed to take pictures in there, are you? Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Wow.

So everybody, but everybody does. I know, but. People are always taking pictures of shit. You take pictures of your kids in there. Anyway, it looks real similar to that. But yeah, that guy had way too much money. He brought over wild boars. He's the reason why California has a wild pig problem.

No shit. Yes. Wow. Him. That fuck. Goddamn. Yeah. Wild boars.

And they'd go hunt them. Yeah. He brought them here. Wow. That's why there's a whole, like, it's not down here. See, it's not in Southern California. They're all up there. They're slowly making their way down here.

But the ones that are down here, the closest they are is Tohono Ranch. Tohono Ranch is about an hour and a half from here, and they have wild pigs. Is it that hard to just get a bunch of guys with AK-47s and hunt them down? It's not that hard, but you can't do that in California. California, you can get depredation permits, and they have gotten depredation permits, and they hunt them at night with night vision because sometimes the pigs will start making their way into agriculture or they'll lay down some fresh sod and put some grass down, and these pigs will destroy thousands of dollars in landscaping damage.

So when they prove that that's happening, then they get a special permit, and then they can just start whacking. Yeah. And then they just take out everything at night, and they do it with sniper rifles and shit. But then when a normal person wants to, like say if you wanted to kill a wild pig. I do. You can get as many licenses as you'd like. You can get five licenses. You can get six.

You can go out and shoot six pigs in a day. It's totally legal as long as you pay for each individual tag. Because the understanding is that at least in most places, California is the only place that treats it like game. In most places, you don't even have to have tags for them. Most places, they're encouraging you to shoot them. And that will probably be the case in California eventually. Like it is in Texas, for instance. Texas has a real pig problem.

They have a giant problem. No shit. There's millions and millions and millions of pigs. Oh, I remember that from the Friday Night Late Show at the Improv in Houston. That's not what we're talking about. Dude, you said that with, you really had me believing Remember that from the Friday Night Late Show at the Improv in Houston. That's not what we're talking about. Dude, you said that with, you really had me believing that you didn't believe it. And you're setting up the joke the whole time.

It's nice. I think it's like that with alligators in Florida, too. Yeah. When I was a kid, they were an endangered species. They would ask us to please not feed them marshmallows. Because I lived in Gainesville, right by this place called Lake Alice. Yeah. Lake Alice had alligators.

I was fucking 11 years old. I was looking at alligators. Wow. Like, this is crazy. Yeah. It was a goddamn dinosaur. But there was a small population of them because they had been whacked into oblivion before and people were making suitcases out of them. And then they made it illegal to hunt them and they made them a protected species.

But then they fucked up. They overprotected. Yeah. And those goddamn super lizards are everywhere now they're fucking everywhere my mom belongs to a golf course down in Florida where she lives and there's this alligator, apparently like this fucking 14 foot alligator

and the people were playing golf and there was a deer and everybody's standing there going like, it's a deer it's a deer, look at that beautiful deer fucking alligator comes out grabs it pulls it into the water does that spin move takes it to the bottom fucking done so everyone's talking about it what do we do about it so about three weeks later my mom is out on the course, and her ball is right next to the lake where the alligator is. And she forgets. And she goes over, and her ball is right on the edge, and she's standing there.

And she was standing on some fucking, like, dead, some dead grass, and it gave out. And she fell in the fucking lake up to her neck. And then she remembered. fucking lake up to her neck and then she remembered and she fucking started scrambling up the mud and grabbing at the reeds to get out of there and and her and the people that she was with had left she was playing by herself for some reason and she fucking got out of there and got in the cart and and then she just started laughing oh my, my God. You believe that shit? My little mother, my little five-foot-two mother. Oh, my God.

Would have been a tasty meal. It would have happened so quick, too. Better than a deer. Old lady, nice soft old lady. Way, way more tender. Yeah. Corn-fed. Ooh.

My mom's corn-fed. I never told you that? No. Yeah, yeah. I thought she was organic. No, no. We. My mom's corn fed. I never told you that? No. Yeah, yeah. I thought she was organic. No, no. We let her free range sometimes. There's a great story about a car chase.

Cops were chasing this dude with a stolen car. And the guy jumps off a bridge into the water and immediately gets eaten by alligators. Wow. Yeah. He's like a little overpass over a river. eaten by alligators. Wow. Yeah.

He's like a little overpass over a river, just hops out of the fucking car, jumps into the river, and smash. He lands right in front of an alligator. No shit. The alligator jacks him in front of the cops. Wow. What do you do?

If you're a cop, do you shoot at the alligator? Do you try to kill the alligator while it's killing the guy? Good point. I mean, that's a reckless thing to be doing. When there's a lot of thrashing around, you're just going to empty your clip. Pop, pop, pop.

You know, I mean, how much distance is there between the bridge and the water? What can the cop do? Well, you know the guy's going to die, so I think it's a safe bet to take some shots anyway. I think it's a not safe bet to take some shots because if you're a cop, what if you hit the guy? And they said, oh, you shot him. You're trying to up by that's true fucking alligators eat him it's true

you gotta let the alligator eat him now gotta save your job you're about the guy there was a guy flying a plane from florida to cuba or cuba to florida and the plane fucking went down and he survived the crash and then got eaten by sharks really why is that funny that's so fucked up because that that 20 minute period where you're floating in the water but you're thankful and you're almost giddy i did it i fucking survived oh my god Yeah bad day Well you know that story about the World War 2 boat that sank And the guys were floating around at sea for several days And most of them got eaten by sharks

That's the story that they talk about In the beginning of Jaws Remember where the captain The captain's The fucking scars and he starts talking about His time on the boat Do you remember that scene? Roy Scheider? No not Roy Scheider the guy was talking to roy scheider okay the who's that guy

what's that guy's name again old time actor the guy was fucking amazing just pull up jaws i know you said it too quick richard dreyfus no no no no no no richard dreyfus was a scientist roy scheider was the sheriff richard dreyfuss was the scientist. And then there's an older gentleman. Robert Shaw. Robert Shaw. Oh, yeah, right. He steals that fucking movie. Fuck yeah.

He steals that movie. Where is he? Right here. Yeah, he steals that fucking movie. He steals that fucking movie. You believe him. Wait, so what was the opening scene? Not the opening scene, but he describes what it was like.

No, that's a different shark attack. It's typed in World War II shark attack. Oh, the naval ship. Yeah, that's it. That's it. I'm sorry. I was thinking when it said the worst shark attack in history, I was thinking it was that story about New Jersey where the bull sharks killed people. Scroll back up so I can see what it says there.

1945, U.S. naval ship was sunk by a Japanese submarine. The ship's sinking was just the beginning of the sailor's nightmare. Yeah, that's the boat. That's the story. How many people died? Oh, shitload. Let's see. About almost 300 people died.

Damn. Yeah, of the 1,196 men aboard, 900 made it into the water alive. Oh. Their ordeal. So that's how many survived the crash. So there's 900 of them that are alive. Now how many of them make it to the end?

Out of 900. Scroll it, scroll it, scroll it, scroll it. Yeah, this is, they're just giving you the full line of the story. They're not giving you just the actual facts. 317. 317 remained.

So, so almost 600 people got to eat. Estimates of the number who died from shark attacks range from a few dozen to almost 150. So the other people die from other things? Starvation, probably. Oh. Heat, stroke, being in the water. Could be a lot. And so I bet when those guys

died then the sharks ate them and it got even worse fuck man whoa that's fucking crazy just imagine 150 people eaten by sharks the amount of blood in the water fucking christ that you know but when you're around any kind of thing that can eat you and kill you, it puts it all into perspective that you're not around that enough. It's not like you should be around it all the time, but you should know it's a real thing. And when you're around it, you go like, oh, oh, sharks will just eat you. Oh, a bear will just eat you.

Oh, a mountain lion will just eat you. Oh. Like these people that got killed this year was, or 2018 at least, was very rare. And that two people were documented killed by mountain lions in the Pacific Northwest. One guy in Portland, outside of Portland, and one guy outside of Seattle. It's pretty rare that mountain lions do that. But, oh, mountain lions will just eat you. Oh, that can happen too. Like we think we're so safe. And I think it, I think you're right.

It would keep you in the moment. I think we should release like grizzly in cities just because like you might be worried about, oh my, the fucking stock market's down or I think my wife's cheating. There! And you're right back in the moment again. you're in the moment, but then you're going to have to allow people to be armed to protect themselves guys gonna have open carry fucking ar slung around

their shoulders looking out for bears everywhere yeah you're taking your kid to school you better bring the rifle she's only two blocks away yeah bro bring the rifle i saw a bear here a couple of days ago right imagine you walk outside your house and you hear a branch snap and you turn and you see a 900 pound wild wild dog-like thing. And that's not one shot. That's got to be a pretty good gun to take that thing down. You're not going to take it out with like a 9mm. No.

It's just going to eat your bullets. Right. It's going to kill you anyway. Fuck. Yeah. You'd have to have a perfect shot right in the perfect part of its brain to shut it off quick to prevent you from getting mauled. The amount of strength that they have, too. You'd be like a water balloon.

You'd be tearing open a Ziploc bag full of Jell-O. Yeah. They'd just rip you apart. Yeah, going back to that movie Revenant, that fucking bear attack was insane. That bear attack is nothing compared to what really happens yeah like if he really got bit by that bear like that like he probably would be right destroyed like i think the guy that was the that where it really happened to him in real life it's kind of based really loosely on a story i think he got kind of like a little mauled and that was

enough yeah a little mauled will leave you like that but that bear was throwing him around for like yeah yeah that bear would have killed you yeah you'd have no bones left it was snapped everything into a fine powder just crush you and then eat you right oh fuck yeah why not eat you especially once you start stinking they like to bury things let them rot for a while they do my friend adam he shot a moose in Canada, and bears claimed it. And he went back, and there's a video of it. It's so spooky. Whoa.

The moose is buried. It's a giant, big-ass moose. By the time they got, you know, they shoot it, and then it goes, it runs away, and then you have to track it. You have to let it die. It takes a little while. So the smart thing to do is to sit out for a couple hours. It'll be dead for sure.

But what you don't want to do is spook it while it's injured. If it's not a perfect hit, if it runs away, because then it's going to just keep running. It can run for a long time on adrenaline. So the correct move is if you don't see an animal die, you don't see it. You see it running in the woods, you wait. And you wait just as a precautionary measure. Well, the animal died in seconds, and a bear claimed it immediately. It died probably right in front of him.

What state was this? This was in Alaska. So the bear is just there. The moose dies right in front of him. He's like, oh, look at that. That's mine. He starts eating it, and then he starts covering it up. So he eats some of it, covers it up up they come tracking in an hour later or so it's already covered in dirt wow i'm like

oh no that's crazy no yeah holy shit yeah fuck now i don't know think about what it takes to take fucking frozen i'm gonna correct myself they might have shot it and taken some of the meat, and we're going back to pack it out. Because sometimes when you hunt, you'll hunt with one person. But when then you go back to pack out a big animal, you bring like five or six guys to help you. Yeah. But this is the video of it.

Look at this. Give me some volume. The whole moose is buried. Is that your moose under there? Yeah, that's my moose under there. It's buried. Yeah. Whoa! The whole moose is buried. Is that your moose under there? Yeah, that's my moose under there. Buried? Yeah.

Whoa! Okay, I don't like this. Yeah, I don't like this. Hey, hey, hey. It's pretty cool. So everything is like, you know, five and a half feet high grass. Or, you know, you see, I mean, how tall is that grass? Four and a half feet at least? Yeah, you know, you see, I mean, how tall is that grass? Four and a half feet at least? Yeah.

So bears could be in that shit. They could be hunkered down in that shit. So I'm seeing the skull on the ground, and the skull is skinned out. So what that means to me is that he had already started butchering the moose and probably went back to it. So that's, I was going to correct that,

whether or not I was right about that or not. But so this is what happened. They could only take some of the meat because they were terrified the bear was going to come back. And I don't even think they had a gun on them. And, you know, they're just scanning the area. See how the moose, the head is already off of the antlers? Yeah. Yeah.

And so this is the next video. That's scary shit, man. So they didn't even see the bear. They just know it was a bear. Exactly, yeah. Think about the strength to take frozen earth like that and dig it out. Yeah. What's the type of bear?

You know, if you run into a black bear, you're more likely to be thought of as food. It's kind of interesting. Like you're more likely, predation on humans is more common with black bears. They just decide to try to eat you. But with grizzlies, grizzlies are, it's rarer that a grizzly decides to eat you, decides to chase you down and eat you.

It's more common that you fuck up and run into a female. Or you try to steal his food like that. Like they had to get the fuck out of there. Because if he just decided to run at them, they got a real giant problem. Most of the time a bear won't. They're cautious. They'll hang back.

Because they figure, what are you going to do? Are you going to eat that whole moose? You're going to leave me some. I ate a bunch. I'm going to wait a little while, see what the fuck you're doing. He's probably full anyway. But they had to get out of there.

They only took a little bit of the meat and they took off. Like this is too dangerous. Wow. They used to be everywhere. They used to be out of there. They only took a little bit of the meat and they took off. Like, this is too dangerous. Wow. They used to be everywhere. That's insane. They used to be everywhere in California. That's why it's on our flag.

We killed them all. Not we. You and I were in Boston. Yeah, we didn't kill anybody. We didn't kill anybody. But they killed all the grizzly bears in California. Yeah. But it's still on our state flag.

The state flag has a fucking grizzly bear. Right. But California doesn't have any grizzlies. Right. It's weird. Yeah, I was in Alaska once and they were, they were like raccoons. They were behind restaurants going through dumpsters. Grizzlies or brown bears or black bears? I think, I think they were, I don't want, I don't know. They have both. They have both up there. Black bears become more, well, they all become a problem if they start getting around garbage. Cause then

they're smart. They know where the garbage is. just keep returning right there's a place called levec levec california it's off the five and it's named that way for the last guy to die in a bear attack in california oh really yeah huh they're like enough he fucking enough apparently they wound up digging this guy up afterwards to find out the story is true and he was just in pieces yeah shit all right so coastal bear too this is a bear attack shark attack or dying in a cryogenics tank dying the cryo would be way less painful you would just freeze that's the way to go i don't know if that's the way to go though because then you're not going to get eaten like shouldn't you return to nature?

Yeah. I mean, you really should be eaten. And I would rather be eaten by one of my kind, which is a ground animal. Those fucking cunts in the water. I get eaten by those heartless assholes who don't even take care of their babies. Yeah. You know, a bear at least takes care of their young. I mean, they're shitheads.

They eat their babies, too. And especially males. Males kill babies left and right. They actually actively go after them and kill them, but so do sharks. Sharks have inter-womb competition. They eat each other inside the womb. Oh, no shit. Yeah.

Wow. You ever see like an MRI of sharks in the womb? No. It's a monster movie. That's insane. Is that real? Those images, that's a good question. That's insane. Yeah. Is that real? Those images, that's a good question. I've seen those images.

I just thought about that, and I feel like it might have been from a movie, but I'm looking right now. Let's see. I think it's real. I think the reason why I thought it was fake, and then I found out it was real, it's one of those. Either I thought it was real, and I found out it was fake, or I thought it was fake, and I found out it's real.

But the image is, if it's real, it's fucking amazing. It's these little monsters inside a inside a womb and then you got to think you know i guess no one had to fuck it because they just lay the eggs out and the men just jizz on the eggs really yeah that's how it works they don't fuck they have a terrible life wow yeah the women lay the eggs on the floor like salmon that's what happens that happens with trout they lay the eggs out and the men come by and shoot loads all over them. Yeah. And then the things pop up and no one takes care of anybody. Wow.

All those kids, they just grow up without parents. The parents don't give a fuck about them. The parents will eat them. Yep. Happens all the time with little fish. Yeah. Bigger fish is hungry. They just eat that.

They don't even know if it's theirs. I'm eating it. I'm hungry. They have a system of maintaining a population and when there's not enough food no some of you guys gotta go i don't remember this in finding nemo was there wasn't in there they fucking left it out they didn't even eat yeah all those bear movies the movies about bears from disney they don't eat yeah how come they're not chasing down mooses and eating an asshole first right Right, right, right. Tearing Bambi apart, eating her face while her back legs are kicking, and the bears just

hold them down, eating them like a grape. Eating that ass. They do that. They go asshole first all the time. Right, right. Yeah. It's very inconvenient to show that in The Lion King, to show how the lion, how do these lions, where's their food?

They never eat. Everything's a battle. They're all going to war with people, trying Where's their food? They never eat. Everything's a battle. They're all going to war with people, trying to retain their kingdom. Where's the snack? Where's all the food? How come I don't see that? You're fucking with kids. You're giving kids bad information. That would be a great

movie. Do a feature-length animated movie where you show how it really works. Oh my god. It'd be awful. Yeah. Cats. cats are the population control of the world those motherfuckers faster than everybody can only eat meat and all they do is just run around and try to catch people slipping try to catch animals slipping try to catch any they're just they're just Darwinism yeah come on yeah come on that's a bug that he just ate yeah it's like he met Timon and Pumbaa and he showed him how to get

grubs or something like that and that's what in the fuck kind of propaganda horse shit is this that got that's anti-american but it's the way his dad dies is in a stampede of like wildebeest which he probably was attacking i just don't remember them showing that in that movie at all that's how they really yeah see the problem is kids grow up and they see this stuff and the soft-headed amongst them will then think that animals are really like that so they'll venture out into the forest to try to make friends you just have to be open spiritually yeah just go to the lion's den yeah open yourself up spiritually and let the forest know i talked to a lady once she was a yoga lady and she was talking about colorado and she's like when i walk into the woods i just walk

out there and say uh i'm walking out here with love please do not harm me like yeah that's not gonna work plus you're having your period. Get back in the car. Well, not only that. It's not a morality thing. It's not a good or bad thing. It's like something's going to get eaten. If you're out there and you're the slow thing, you're going to get eaten. No offense.

No one's mad at you. No. It's just Darwinism. You're the weak calf. It's just Darwinism. You're the weak calf. This is not a discerning organism that's got moral value that it places on attacking thugs only or not going after yoga instructors. It's slow shit that I can eat.

They have no language. They're just an organism looking to survive. A complex set of reinforcements and and reward systems that are set up for it to be an incredibly efficient predator yeah fuck just when you see male lions the size of that fucking head oh dude just the biggest jaws powerful yeah so the shark thing i found articles saying what you were saying could not find a video and i do believe when we found that before it was fake and i'm trying to find google even like fake oh the sharks in the body just google mri image i found something that kind of contradicts it though this is a dead shark that they performed a c-section on and there was 98 live pups inside of it.

Yeah, that's true, but that doesn't mean that it happens every time. Oh, I know, I know, I know. I think what I had read was that it happens often. This is the only thing I can find of a shark pregnancy. That is crazy. 98. Look at all those sharks in there.

That is nuts. And so he's just throwing them in the water. He's pulling them out and saving them. That is nuts, man. Look at all those little monsters just swarming around do you know that fuck that's crazy do you know that millions literally millions of sharks are hunted and killed every year that's crazy all for the soup that's mostly yeah that you know that's changed people's attitudes on shark fishing because people used to catch shark

and used to get it at restaurants all the time i don remember on the East Coast, you'd get Mako shark. You thought you were a fucking player. Yeah, right. Look at my pimp. I'm getting some shark. Right. A little lemon, some butter. Yeah.

Right? It was a common thing. They would serve in restaurants. How many sharks are finned? Research indicates that about 100 million sharks are killed each year. Wow. Roughly 11,000 sharks an hour. That is incredible. Damn. This is by finning that's incredible it's likely that many sharks are caught without being reported

oh so the okay so this is just what they're reporting my god that's sick this is like the first time i can remember in history that people are concerned with people fishing for sharks because we talked about this was the governor in New York who was it who was the cat that got in trouble for legally catching a shark and cooking it and eating it I want to say it was the governor

of New York Cuomo? I don't know maybe the governor's son whatever the fuck it is Jamie will find it. Andrew Cuomo tweeted I don't know. Maybe the governor's son. Whatever the fuck it is. Jamie will find it. Andrew Cuomo tweeted a picture of himself after he caught a shark or something like that. Yeah. So this was all normal.

When we were kids, this was normal as fuck. That might as well be a marlin or a halibut. Just you got a shark. Oh, cool. What's it taste like? Oh, it's good. It's good. You cook it with lemon, like swordfish.

Very similar to swordfish. Yeah, I remember eating shark. It's a little tough. I ate in Florida in florida 54 pound thresher shark so that's um you know mako is particularly delicious it really does taste a lot like swordfish but in our lifetime it's now become taboo because people have this rough idea of what a shark is and the sharks are being targeted and sharks are being murdered and there's a small amount of sharks left. I don't know if that's accurate because I think this is just in one part of the world they're killing off all these sharks. It's like if you say that there's no more grizzly bears left.

Well, if you're talking about California, you're right. But if you're talking about British Columbia, you're wrong. There's a fuckload of them up there. Yeah. And they're scary. you're wrong. There's a fuckload of them up there. Yeah. And they're scary. Yeah. They're big. They're big and they're fast and they need to eat every day.

And they eat berries. If they find berries, they'll eat some berries. Yeah. Or they eat your asshole too. I'd present. Would you say this is it? This is happening? This is it.

Let's do it right. I'll just present. Yeah. I was in Alaska once, and I was in, I forget what town, but there was an island called Bear Island. Oh, God. And I rented, this guy had a 1948, I think it was called a Stenson or some kind of plane, prop plane. And I paid him a hundred bucks to take me over bear island in this fucking

shitty little plane and we went out there and it took him like 30 minutes to get the plane started and i was like i should get the fuck out of here and so so we go up and uh and the thing is getting tossed around by wind and uh and we go out and we go over bear island and he's showing me fucking bear all over it was like the highest concentration of bear and anywhere in alaska jesus christ those bears are giant too man yeah those the coastal bears they're all eating seafood they're eating like fish and salmon and they just get enormous yeah they're so big they're so much bigger than bears that are inland like hundreds of pounds what are the inland bears eat whatever the fuck they get a hold of they'll eat salmon if they find salmon if there's a salmon river

they'll eat fish they'll eat berries they'll eat calves eat a lot of calves they had a lot of uh calves of uh elk and moose and deer, fawns. They eat small things that can't get away. They eat everything they can. Yeah. They're so big. Yeah. Imagine how much food you would have to eat if you weighed 800 pounds.

How much food would you have to eat every day? Well, four times as much as you eat now. Look at that fucking creep. Yeah. God damn. Look at that fucking long-nailed creep. That's a monster man yeah but we think it's yogi oh it's yogi look he's so cute he will eat your kid in front of you

yeah and that's what they have to do i mean they're they're predators they're out there they're they're omnivores i mean they do occasionally eat whatever the fuck they want they'll eat roots and berries they'll'll eat everything else too, but they'll definitely eat you and love it. Yeah. Have a good old time. Yeah, that salmon's a perfect food for them. It's all fat. They just store it up.

Yep. It's almost like it's designed for them too because the salmon die. They literally die on the river. Like you don't even have to catch them. Oh, I didn't know that. Every year. Oh, when they have to die they go back up to where they were born right yes yeah yes they say that once the salmon make

the trek from the ocean to the fresh water they're already on a path to die their clock has already gone over it's already flipped over into no return land you couldn't take them out of there and bring them to like some salmon pond they live forever doesn't work that way they're they they breed they make the trek they breed and when they get to the spot where you know when they're at the end of their life their their body starts changing color they start getting mushy they look rotten and they just fucking wind up like pooling up on the ground. And then the bears move in and they eat hundreds of rotten ones. See, this is, this is while the salmon are in the run and these bears are,

they're fighting over territory. Look at the size of these motherfuckers. Jesus Christ, dude. They're fighting over who gets the salmon. Yeah. But these are salmon that are still pretty fresh and healthy. They're,

they're swimming around. They look good. And so they catch them like that's a perfectly healthy salmon, and he catches it right in the middle of it. I tried. He's all slow-mo and shit. Here he goes. They're trying.

They catch some of them. Ooh, come on, bitch. Same one. Oh, there he goes. Here we go. Ooh, look at that. Look at that. Imagine just standing in freezing cold water

waiting to catch something with your mouth. That's delicious. Right, but they figured it out, and it works. Look at the cubs. They're like, come on, Mom. What the fuck? So Mom's probably going to give them some of that. Yeah, see, she breaks off pieces of it.

And so they just keep doing that back and forth, and they'll do that all day. But then once the salmon are done with their run, then they just die. And coincidentally, when they're dying, it's probably right when the bears are trying to fatten up and get ready for hibernation. So it all sort of happens together, and they're all in the right place at the right time. Right. See if you can find bears eating rotten salmon because like sometimes they'll pool up in these these rivers and these like little ponds and shit and you just see just all these bears just chew on these rotten carcasses yeah yeah those salmon are endangered now we eat so much more fish i remember when i was a kid i'd

have fish once every three weeks now i mean maybe it's because we're in la but i have fished a few times a week do you yeah have some fucking sushi one day. Wife will cook some salmon on another day. Go get one of those poke bowls. We're constantly eating salmon. It's a lot of food. Think about all those little organisms that have to fuck. Well, not really.

Shoot loads on eggs. Yeah. Make new organisms. And then all the people with nets, scooping them up. Did you see a tuna got sold in Japan for the highest amount ever? I saw that, yeah. $3 million for a tuna? Shit.

I had no idea. Did you have any idea that a tuna could be $3 million? I know that they wait on the dock in Japan, and whoever is like certain chefs have more cachet, and they're able to come in first and pick the tuna. But then they auction them off. And, yeah, they go for crazy money. That's so crazy.

That's a giant fucking fish, though. Isn't it like 600 pounds or something? How much does it cost? Yeah, at least. 278 kilograms. What's that in English? 2.2. Yeah, close to 6.

Yeah. Look at that thing. God damn. Imagine how hard that is to bring six. Yeah. Look at that thing. God damn. Imagine how hard that is to bring in. Yeah. I caught a yellowtail in Hawaii that was like 11 pounds. Oh, yeah? What a battle.

Really? What a battle. Yeah. 613 pounds. Wow. Yeah, we caught quite a few of them. You know what's interesting? They're catching ones they're calling hamachi because they were actually from a hamachi farm that was on the big island

that broke during the storm remember that that storm there a couple years back giant fucking hurricane that hit hawaii well it destroyed this uh this containment area that they had where they were farm raising hamachi for like sushi and shit so now this type of yellowtail is everywhere in in the ocean oh wow yeah we caught. We caught quite a few of them. Did you eat them? Yeah, they're great. So you caught it there, you brought it back to the hotel, and then they fried it up for Yeah, they'll cook it for you.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh, it's amazing. So good. They made sushi for us. They made sashimi. They made ceviche.

Wow. They baked it. They cooked it a couple of different ways. But they're so powerful. A 10-pound one, 9- know they're so powerful a 10 pound one nine pound one or is so powerful you can't believe how strong they are yeah like you're you're wrestling with them when you're trying to get them into the bully like so imagine that thing 600 pounds damn holy shit were you out with the whole family fishing? No, just my youngest. Yeah. My youngest daughter loves it. Did she love it? Loves it.

She loves fishing. Yeah. Yeah. We put a video up of the dolphins that were with us. I saw that. It's crazy, man. That was amazing. I've never seen that many dolphins swim with a boat before.

Me neither. It was incredible. They just all—we just hit the right spot. Yeah. And then they all decided to swim with the boat. They just get in front of the boat as the boat's pushing the water. Yeah. And they sort of surf it.

That's amazing. So crazy. You worry about you're going to hit them. You worry that they're going to. Right. People who run in the boat, they don't worry about it at all. The dolphins know exactly what they're doing. Yeah.

They're smart as shit. Yeah. It's weird to watch, man. It's weird to watch them all coordinate together. And then when they were done, they were done. Like, bye. Yeah. They take off.

Wow. Yeah, my daughter surfs and they come out. They play around a little bit. Sometimes they ride the waves when she's surfing. That's one of the dark sides of fishing, right? Commercial fishing is what happens in Japan. They take those dolphins and they look at them as competition. Yeah.

They're going to kill their tuna. So they've been doing that forever forever the large-scale slaughter of them that's scary shit they just shoot them they cut them they bring up you've ever seen the documentary the cove oh no i heard about that it's awful it's awful there it's it's like they're slaughtering water people that's what it's like. Yeah. So this, what a dolphin is, is some strange, super intelligent creature that we don't totally understand. Yeah. And it can talk, they can talk to each other and we don't know what they're saying, but

they know what they're saying. And we could train them, you could ride them, you can do flips for fish, all this kind of stuff. That's all true. That's all true. But what's also true is they have a giant brain. Yeah have a huge brain they have a cerebral cortex it's 40 percent larger than a person no shit yeah wow they just it's designed for you know the the movement of its body because it's a lot lot lot larger body but they think it's also got some sort of probably

not totally understood or measured cognitive ability. They don't know how smart they really are. We were talking about Timothy Leary. He used to pal around with John Lilly. John Lilly is the guy who invented the isolation tank. And he was a pioneer in interspecies communication. He would give dolphins acid. Really?

Yeah. He would set the float tank up next to the dolphin tank and take acid and get in there with them. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. He was trying to figure out a way to get dolphins to speak. He would get them to make a noise that sounds like, hello. But they don't have the vocal cords.

They can't make the sounds that we expect. Yeah. But their sounds, we don't understand. Right. Which is weird because they know what you're saying. If. But their sounds, we don't understand. Right. Which is weird because they know what you're saying. If you say, okay, we're going to jump now. We're going to jump.

We're going to give you a fish. They know what you're saying. We have no idea what they're saying. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird when you, what is the cutoff for killing an intelligent animal? Right. You know, like you can't kill dogs, cats. Dogs aren't nearly as smart as dolphins. Right.

Yeah. But you can kill dogs in as smart as dolphins. Right. Yeah. But you can kill dogs in some spots. It's cultural. Yeah. Because pigs are probably as smart as dogs. Oh, yeah. Pigs are really smart. I mean, that's a tricky one.

All of it is, you know. That is one of our criteria. Like, even a lot of vegetarians will still step on roaches. Yeah. You know, our criteria is how smart is the thing? How close is it to us? The further it's away from us, the easier we could, like, nobody gives a fuck about oysters. Yeah.

You know? Sad when an oyster gets got. I don't care. I don't care at all. I don't feel a thing. Yeah. Someone shucks an oyster and opens up and scoops it out and swallows i'm like how's it good yeah i'm not like poor little piggy

but the poor little piggy that's real it's like that thing's smart oh let's say so scared so terrified yeah those things are dumb what about lobsters getting thrown in a pot can you do that i can't do that oh yeah, yeah. I can do it. Freaks me out. Really? That they're like moving around and alive and then you throw them in and don't they scream? They're bugs. Yeah, they scream.

They sing first. Yeah. No, they don't scream. They don't? No. It's not like the frog at Carnegie Hall. I don't think they can make noise. I don't think they make noise.

They're lobsters. Yeah. Yeah, but they taste fucking good, huh? Oh, I'll eat tons of them when i used to work in boston at the uh the copley marriott that was my day job for a while in college and then when i first started doing stand-up and we used to go down and it was the biggest banquet hall in boston so we used to get all these conventions all these fucking hayseed farmers would come from the mid, and they'd stay in the hotel, and they could order any kind of dinner they wanted for their banquet. But they always wanted the pilgrim banquet, and we used to have to fucking dress up as pilgrims, and we would serve lobster. It didn't even make any sense.

Clam bakes. Two different things. So they would make, and the thing about banquet cooking is you cook 10% more than the amount of people you're feeding just in case. Which meant there was like, you know, 30 college kids all waiting tables. And so after we fed them, they would usually have like a presentation or whatever, comedian or a speaker. So we would leave the room for like an hour and a half and we would just fucking go to town on like a hundred lobsters wow you could eat like three lobsters if you wanted really and then our friends were all working the bars they were all the bartenders so we'd be doing shots drinking beer so it was the upside was you lived like a king the downside was you were dressed like a fucking asshole you remember clam bakes people would do them on the beach oh yeah those were good yeah like a clam bake where you would bury it and

put seaweed over the top and shit wet seaweed and it would just steam everything i've never done it i've only eaten it at a restaurant when you order a clam bake yeah and they give you some i've never done the beach thing i did it with kevin flynn and nan tuckett god damn it looks attractive yeah it's very it's great it's very earthy right put the fucking corn in there everything potatoes there's something about a bonfire on the beach right it's like extra special yeah like here it is that's it right there how to make a steam pit make a nice fucking steam pit look at that we got lobsters we got corn we got clams yeah it would be lobsters and corn and clams potatoes yeah potatoes and it would all be buried in like a burlap sack under the ground. Muscles, too. God damn it, that looks good.

People say they don't like lobster. I just do not understand that. You know who doesn't like lobster? Eddie Bravo. Won't eat fish. Hates fish. I'm not a big fan. You son of a bitch.

Lobster and crab. Nice Alaskan crab. I can do a little bit. Look at that with the little green stuff. What is that? Minced onions or something? What is that? What do you call it?

Crow, I think. No, what with the little, the green stuff. What is that? Minced onions or something? What is that? What do you call it? Crow, I think? No, what's the stuff on the- No. That's not what that is. That's like a spice, right? Because it's on the corn, too. Oh, yeah. I think that's like a, what is that?

Like a celery or something like that? Parsley? Chopped parsley or some shit? Right, sure. Just make it- A roe. And then the eggs are the roe. That's at the top.

Right, yeah. That shit's nasty. I like it. You eat the ro are the row that's at the top right that shit's nasty i like it you eat the row i eat everything no shit i chew the the inner cartilage up and i suck the meat out of it i feel like if that thing is going to die i'm going to eat as much of it as i can i bite into the you know how you take the back yeah and there's that meat underneath with all the crazy gills and all that shit. I just chew into that stuff. Really?

Yeah, chew it up. Chew it up good. Dunk all that shit in butter. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Then I throw a move on one of those waitresses. I'm dressed as a pilgrim. I'm drunk. Hit on some girl from Boston College.

Did you know that lobsters were like poor people food in New York? They would just go out to the East River and pull them out of the water and serve them as bar food and poor people food. Do you know in lobsters were like poor people food in New York? They would just go out to the East River and pull them out of the water and serve them as bar food and poor people food? Do you know in Ireland during the famine, they were pulling fucking lobster out of the ocean? Wouldn't eat it. They considered it like rats. Oh, my God. They fucking, the British would just ship it off. That is so crazy.

How'd they not figure it out? They're drunk. One person just boiled it up, made some butter. Just shut the fuck up And try this They'll be like What? I've been avoiding this?

What have I been thinking? What the fuck have I been doing, lad? The whole family's starving It's goddamn delicious We've been eating potatoes We could've been eating this fucking lobster Or we've been eating this fucking Lucky Charms Dude, it's almost four o'clock

No We've been rambling forever. Yeah. It's a goddamn time warp in this building. Jesus. How long have we been doing this? 3 hours and 17 minutes. Damn.

Plus we talked for about a half hour before we started. Yeah, I know. Can I plug some dates? Please do. Ladies and gentlemen, live comedy coming to you. I'm going to be in Cleveland, one of my favorite clubs, Hilarities. Love that place. January 17th through 19th.

That's a great spot. Yeah, I love that place. And in Boston, I'll be in Boston. Laugh Boston, January 31st. Last time I was in Cleveland, you were in Cleveland and I did it with you. That's right. You stopped by and did a surprise guest spot. That was fun. Grand Rapids, Michigan

in February and then a bunch of other dates coming up. And Best Buddies, I'm doing a benefit January 27th at the Comedy Store. Are you around? Bill Burr is going to be on the show. Hang on a second. I think you did it last year. I think I did do it last year. It's benefiting a group that helps intellectually disabled people.

The 27th is a Sunday night. I'm in, Gregory! We got it. Joe Rogan's in. Come see it. I'm in! I've also got a new podcast with Allison Rosen called Childish where we talk about raising kids together. I really like her. Isn't she great? She's very cool.

I did her I've had her on and I did her when she was on Adam Crow I did the show with her. Yeah. Them together. I like her a lot. I think I did it a couple times with her and Adam. I like her a lot. We used to do each other's podcasts constantly and we just realized like she was my best chemistry so we just started a lot. I think I did it a couple times with her and Adam. I like her a lot. We used to do each other's podcasts constantly and we just realized she was my best

chemistry, so we just started a podcast. Yeah, she's kind. She's super smart. She's cool. She's reasonable. She thinks about you can tell she's thinking about things. That's awesome, man. I'm glad you're doing that. And what is it called again? Childish. She's got a baby and another one on the

way and it's kind of me trying to teach her how to parent, and she's not buying it. How many do you do a week? We just do one a week. I think we've done like seven so far. Nice. And you still do your own, right? Yep.

What's it called? Fitzdog Radio. Fitzdog Radio. How many hours have we been talking? Holy shit. We're burnt out. Greg Fitz. What is it?

Fitzdogradio.com? Fitzdogradio and Fitzdog.com for tickets. Fitzdog.com. Yeah. Fitzdog.com. Greg Fitzsimmons on Instagram. Greg Fitz Show on Twitter. Nice.

Yeah. Come on, man. We're friends. Look at you. That's it, you fucks. Bye. Love ya.