The Joe Rogan Experience - #1251 - Tim Dillon

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

Tim Dillon is a comedian, tour guide, and host. He is the host of the podcast "Tim Dillon Is Going To Hell."

But each individual one he paints by hand. Three, two, one. No? Yes? Okay, it's live. It's been fucking up a little bit lately. How are you, man? Good.

How are you? Good to see you. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. My pleasure. You brought me a nice conspiracy book. I want you back. Nice.

I want you back. I got bored with it. I want you back I want you back I got bored with it I get you I know I just had a lunch with Eric Von Daniken oh yeah he's the author of Chariots of the Gods the last two hours we've been talking ancient aliens I was deep when I was like in my late teens I was deep in Zacharias Sitchin

yeah Anunnaki, Nephilim, I'm pronouncing it wrong. Nephilim, I think. Nephilim, Planet X, Nibiru, all over. Yeah, that's a lot of the conversation we had today at lunch. It's very interesting. The problem with someone, I mean, he's not a dishonest person, I'm not saying that, but the problem with anybody that is involved with a book like this is is that you're so all in you're so committed to this idea yeah like i asked him the first thing

i asked him was like what is the most compelling piece of evidence and um he said the the tablet in palenque i don't know if you're aware of that one yeah the one of the the aztec guy i guess the aztec or mayan i guess the mayan guy a Mayan. I guess it's a Mayan guy. It's Mayan. Who's laying back. It looks like in some sort of a throne with fire below him. And he's manipulating these knobs and shit. And that means that aliens landed and seeded them with technology.

Yeah. Yeah, they always make a little bit of a jump. It's a big one. That's an evil Knievel. always make a little bit of a jump it's a big one that's a little it's a little bit of a jump between that bird is really a symbol of a flying saucer i've heard that too i've heard that one they've been like that bird and i'm like well let me ask you a question why didn't they add your flying saucer right into the cave yeah and they're like well you don't know how things work the more interesting ones in the art depictions there's some really ancient depictions

of people that look like they're in these flying saucer type things like they're flying through the air and they're in some sort of uh like you know some some painting yeah those are those are really interesting because like what were they trying to say like what were they what were they depicting in those things yeah i mean it's all very interesting but i i think you and you've had graham hancock on so to me when i heard him i was like that makes more sense that we were just a civilization that had reached an apex yeah and it got wiped out by some cataclysmic event yeah and then we had to rebuild but is does he think that we got all of our technology from otherworldly sources or no not really graham, right? Graham doesn't. He doesn't.

Graham is much more in line with this theory that Dr. Robert Schock has been putting forth. He was one of the weirder ones that I've had on the podcast. First of all, because he's a rock-solid geologist. Right. Professor at Boston University. Like, really well established. His credentials are, you know, they're as good as it gets and he was saying that he thinks that there was a mass coronal ejection somewhere around 12 000 years ago and it

was literally raining lightning all over the world and it decimated the population of land mammals and and people is this what got the dinosaurs no no no no this is way later i apologize this is like my bad this is uh they think in the neighborhood of 12 000 years ago they think this is oh so this is recent yeah yeah okay yeah this is what graham hancock's work indicates as well see graham hancock and him were together on the sphinx. Because Robert Schock was the geologist they brought in to examine the erosion marks on the Temple of the Sphinx. Yeah. And his conclusion was that this is the result of thousands of years of rainfall. Right. The problem with that was the last time there was significant rainfall

in the Nile Valley was 9,000 BC. So you'd have to have thousands of years before that to create these deep water-based fissures or water-created fissures. So they're saying the Sphinx was there a lot longer than we imagined. Yeah. So that coincides with a lot of these, the people that want to push back the dates of civilization, what they think is, it all points to something big happening at the end of the Ice Age. Yeah. So something big happening between 12 000 and 10 000

years ago why don't mainstream scientists just go now i'm sure there's a reason for this i think there's a reason that mainstream thought leaders in any area don't allow the fringe in you know why what's the big thing here with keeping these guys is it that they would just have to go back and relook at every history book well in, in the beginning, there was nothing, right? So when these guys were proposing this, there was very little evidence. But now the evidence is stacking up, and there's all these ancient structures that they're finding, like Gobekli Tepe and Turkey. Yeah.

Once they found that one, and they realized that it was intentionally covered up 12,000 years ago. So this is undeniable. Everyone agrees on it. Yeah. And so then they have to say, okay, hunter gatherers must have made this because 12 000 years ago that's all we have was hunter gatherers but it's really sophisticated construction and it's very difficult to do and they're enormous and they have three-dimensional animals that are carved into them yeah which means they actually had to carve away the outside to create the animal

instead of carving the animal into the stone they actually carved the stone out around the animal so these animals are like climbing on the outside of these stone columns it's really weird stuff yeah but who the fuck knows i i'm i lean more towards cataclysmic disaster because there's so many of them that we know for sure have happened right between the 165 million years ago in the yucatan they killed the dinosaurs i was reading about the arc storm that's going to hit la which will just be 60 days of rain when it happens every 200 years i mean i you know this is an article i read every 200 years la in the area gets 60 90 days of rain and everybody has to move and things. This is supposedly what somebody sang.

Somebody. So I'm with a bunch of panicked comedians who are all thinking about, they're worried about the arc storm now. It's fun to think about stupid shit.

It's the best. It's thinking about conspiracies and Bigfoot and UFOs and shit like that. It teaches you how to think. A little bit. When I was a teenager, I was smoking weed with my buddies.

Like we would, you'd have to research these things. You'd have to cross-reference information. You couldn't just swallow the narrative. You had to literally go, and then you'd have to use critical thinking to go, does this make sense? Right.

Would this have happened? Right. Could, maybe could Lee Harvey Oswald, would he have acted alone? You know, harvey oswald that would have you know would he have acted alone how you know you have to think about all these things but i mean i i do think since trump got elected conspiracy theorists have been demonized and nobody talks about that right there's a little bit well it was always going on it was even before that they were being demonized

but yeah for sure everybody's worried about the other groups which is fair yeah i get that there's the people in the cage is no good. I'm not for any of that. People in the cage? Well, the kids in the cages is not good. What do you mean? The family separation at the border. There's real stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that people think that conspiracy theories got Trump elected. So now it's cool to hate conspiracy theorists or people that are like, let's take another look at this. There's so many factors that got trump elected right it's a perfect storm of people getting fed up with political correctness yeah someone coming along that's not a politician yeah you know the system is so rigged that after a while you're just like jesus christ how many more of these fake puppets are we going to put in office there's i say this to comics i'm like everybody's done a show where everybody goes out and bombs with their

material and then one guy gets up and just goes fuck this and screams and yells and destroys because that's what the room wanted the whole night they wanted somebody to come up and just realize how fucked everything was and how nobody was having a good time and that's kind of what trump was trump was the guy that came out and just riffed yeah he went out there with no material he just went out there and riffed and he went and i when i heard and i'm sure you've seen this speech where he talks about ben carson going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend this was one of the funniest things he was, and he was giving a stump speech. I don't know where it was.

I think it was, he wasn't in Iowa, but he was referencing Iowa. And he's talking about Ben Carson's book, and that Ben Carson had admitted to going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend. I mean, these are, and Trump is talking about it. Me and my friend were driving out of New York City. We were laughing so hard. I said, this guy's, I said, he's going to win.

I said, I'll tell you why he's going to win. I cannot stop watching this. I can't. I am so fixated by the idea that there's a guy like this on the national stage and he's saying whatever he wants there was something intoxicating about that a lot of things he was saying were horrible but he was saying them and then on the other side you had hillary clinton who was just a scripted or careful person and i'm like it's just boring yeah so to me i'm, sometimes the entertaining person wins because you can't take your eyes off them. Well, in this case, for sure.

I mean, it was a perfect polar opposite between him and her. No experience versus vast amounts of experience. Right. No real experience in the real world versus vast amount experiences yeah i mean there's a lot going on between the two of them it was it was it's it's a bad way to choose how the world runs yes it really is it's very bad to look at candidates and go who's the most entertaining yeah well it's also a bad idea to have one person, right? It's a bad idea to have this same system that was in place back when there was fucking, you know, a thousand people here. But I think we really don't, like, we have one person that seems, like, we have one figurehead, but we have kind of this permanent political class of people.

Yeah. A nexus of powerful institutions where you have career politicians career diplomats career military service people that kind of don't leave so i think that's one of the reasons that we haven't changed the system is because one person can't ever do that much even though trump is wild and crazy and he's done a lot of bad things i don't think he would be allowed to deviate from many of the policies that his predecessors had kind of established. I think that the American government, and that's why the term the deep state, which a lot of people ridicule, it's an undeniably true thing. I mean, our policies are not just one guy gets into office and he goes, here's how it is. just one guy gets in the office and he goes here's how it is right i mean it's the result of a lot of you know private corporations lobbying forming all kinds of forming an agenda in a non-democratic way

you know they're not accountable and a lot of these you know people that work at the cia or the fbi the nsa a lot of them are appointed they're not elected right we have no oversight um we have i think it's 22 intelligence agencies now it's really that many i mean it's something absurd how many could you name fbi cia nsa uh probably dea is dea an intelligence agency i wouldn't say it's an intelligence intelligence capabilities i would imagine fbi cia nsa uh there's one yeah the uh dia director of intelligence the pentagon i mean i don't know if that's an entire agency but i think it i mean i think you has the capabilities but we have all of these different i don't know if it's 22 but it's a lot

and they're all competing with each other they're all competing because they all want money they all want a budget they all want and that's the thing people talk about the deep state it's like look at them all yeah look. Look at these guys. Here they are. Jesus. Here are all the people that are listening. You know what? We're going to get excited.

Yeah. The fucking space troops. Now we have space troops. Space force. That's going to be good. And why not? Why not a space force? Well, eventually, right?

Eventually, you're going to have to have it. Oh, yeah. So why not have it now? I don't know what the National Geospatial Intelligence thing does. They can't be any more relevant than Space Force. Click on that one. National Geospatial Intelligence Agency. They can't be any less important than the Space Force.

What? Who the fuck knows? How many people are working there? Employees. 16,000. 16,000. Look at their motto. Scroll down a little bit.

Scroll down. Know Earth. Show the way. Understand the World. What? That's like- Founded in 96. Yeah. Clinton probably did it.

It's probably where he keeps his chicks. I mean, this- Right, but this is what I mean. Like, what the hell are these people doing? And what is it? 16,000 employees with their motto, Know the Earth, Show the Way, Understand the World. That sounds like on a yoga studio's- You know? I mean, it's absurd.

But they get billions of dollars to do whatever. Listen. Put that back up there with the description. Look at what it says there. It's under the United States Department of Defense, an intelligence agency of the United States intelligence community with the primary mission of collecting, analyzing, and distributing geospatial intelligence in support of national security which is what what does that mean what the hell is geospatial intelligence i mean this is what i mean this is

insane and if any if you ask a question if you go well what do these guys do people yell at you yeah and they start calling you that you're a conspiracy theorist and you don't know this i just want to know what geospatial intelligence is right it's probably something simple and now i'm going to look like an idiot it says it's intelligence about the human activity on earth derived from the exploitation and analysis of imagery and geospatial information that describes assesses and visually depicts physical features and geographically referenced activities on the earth. I mean, this is... I think that's how we would know that North Korea has a bomb site.

Is it satellites? Satellite imagery? I guess. Well, there's probably a satellite agency, too. I think we've uncovered a scam. I think we've uncovered a pretend agency that nobody... There's a guy right now panicked in the Geospatial. 16,000 other employees going, shit, we're going to have to find a real job.

We've been studying shipping docks from space. Yeah, we just got outed. Yeah, I mean, it's just... We just got outed on Rogue and it's completely... Oh, come on. That girl is not really there. That is an actress. really there that is an actress 100 that's an actress but this is what i mean if you if you look into this stuff it starts to get

crazy the amount of people that are doing things we have no idea what they're doing i mean 10 i just did a private gig at the bethesda country club in maryland okay it's you know i'm still doing private gigs sadly but you gotta you know is. Gotta do what you gotta do. Gotta do what you gotta do. I go to the Bethesda Country Club, Maryland. It's the entire 10 counties around Washington, D.C. are the wealthiest counties in the world. I mean, in our country.

And it's not because they're selling crab cakes. You know what I mean? Right. It's all defense industry, Raytheon, you know, DynCorp, things you've never heard of. And it was a good gig. They were funny. I got up and I was like, what are we, are we carving up Venezuela? They all laughed.

They're all clapping. They're into it. They liked it. Some people get mad. I said last week I did a fundraiser for human trafficking victims. This week I'm with the traffickers. You guys are a lot more fun. And they're clapping.

They love it. They're leaning in. That's good. they're leaning in to being that's good they're fit they're they're you know they're morally compromised well they're also hired a comedian to fuck with them yes that's a good point i mean they expected it it's not like it came out of nowhere well you know i mean it's like so that's the thing it's like trump bad but i don't know what the geospatial people are up to. I don't want to throw my hat in with geospatial intelligence. Yeah. I don't know what that means. I mean, maybe we need it.

But listen, again, two stand-up comedians talking about what the world needs. Yeah, it's not great. It's fucking terrible. It's not great. I've been trying to stress this more than ever because of the fact that I have a microphone and people are listening. Don't fucking pay attention to me. Okay?

I am not right. Well, the best thing is, well, listen, you don't know. You might be right. I might be right, but I'm definitely not an expert. The best thing is if you go on Twitter and a comedian will tweet something really, you know, it's like, we're living in fascism and they get like 400,000 likes. And then the next tweet, have you ever seen this? They go, and while you guys are here,

check out my web series. And you go, are we living in, if we're living in fascism, you can't have a web series. You can't have a web series. And do I have the time to luxuriate in your web series? Or should I start arming myself to overthrow the government what should i what should i look at my phone i'm like which way should i go yeah but that's all

they do they go by the way while you're here i have a patreon we're doing a project i'd like you to throw a few bucks there but we're living in fascism and you know well the signal to noise ratio in terms of like people tweeting it's almost mostly noise oh it's noise there's a few people that are great you could follow a few people that are really posting about real news and there's four there's some journalists there's 17 of them i think journalists are maybe the best people to follow on twitter right now it seems like but the problem is who's a journalist there's very few real journalism takes a long time yeah it's expensive like real investigative journalism and i've had some of

these guys on my podcast they come on they go they've ruined their life they spent five years looking into something nobody cares about they figured out it was true and then nobody wants to talk to them right they love white hair their families hate them they live in a little apartment in new york city that's a Well, sometimes people do journalism right, and they do spend a long time working on a project, and it's in something like the New York Times, and no one cares. No one cares. Like the thing about Trump. Like the report on Trump, the scathing report they thought was going to bring him down.

Literally, it was in and out of the news cycle in a day or two. Yeah, they don't care. That guy just pops an extra Adderall and doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck. He is the only guy that should ever write a motivational self-help book.

He's the only one with the secret. Right. Whatever the secret is, he's got it. I think it's speed. You think it's speed? You think he's really...

Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. He might be getting... I think it's speed. I think he's on something. I mean, I think this is the only way

that it makes sense to me that a 70-plus-year-old man has that much energy. A guy who doesn't exercise, eats fast food, and he's fucking bouncing off the walls. And he can campaign for days and days and days. He just goes. Just slamming KFC double downs and filet-o-fishes. Let me ask you this. Yeah.

How often do you think he gets his dick sucked? Good question. And who's doing it? Great question and not asked enough. Right. Probably not that much. I don't think a guy like that is driven by sex. I don't get that.

Maybe he does. Maybe, but I think he's... Melania seems to be not into it as much. She seems a little upset with him. She seems a bit cold. But she's Slovenian or something? Something like that. They're cold.

I don't know. That's a broad generalization. They're white, so I can generally say what i want about them joe okay let me say what the hell i want keep digging eastern europeans can i not have slovenians you can okay thank you uh she's cold well i think she's a little annoyed with them you know i mean it's been very humiliating for her well they had the best life best life. Yeah, up until he ran for president. I mean, imagine telling his kids, he's like, I know you got world billionaires. You'll party every day. You do coke with impunity at some New York City nightclub.

When you're bored of that, you go to Europe, do it on a boat. When you're bored of that, you go to some orgy in Athens. That's all done. Right. But we're going to Canton, Ohio, and I'm giving a speech. And you can stand there, and every camera and every news reporter is going to watch every move you make for the rest of your life. They're going to crawl up your ass with a microscope, too. Yeah, and everyone hates you.

Yeah, and some of them might be going to jail. I mean, we really don't know what's going on with this Mueller investigation. Well, I think a lot, I mean, I think it's going to be disappointing. Everybody's preparing us for disappointment. Everybody has prepared us for disappointment. Yeah, CNN actually saying that that don't expect much it's like when you get a report card and you tell your parents you're like no i've changed but i'm still me i'm still the guy who gets high before he goes into school and was caught smoking by the priest like i used to get caught smoking weed by the priest who was driving into my Catholic school,

and he would drive me to the school. So I would be like, yeah, I've made some changes, but I'm still very much that person that you guys raised. So that, I think, is what the Mueller report is. It's going to be like, Trump, the thing about Trump is he's corrupt. He's a con man. You know, this whole wall thing, there is no wall. The wall is not coming. The wall is not happening. this whole wall thing. There is no wall. The wall's not coming.

Little links. The wall's not happening. There's some wall. There's no wall. There's people with signs that they finished the wall. But this part of a wall. There's more of a wall. There's more of a wall around houses in Bel Air than there is at the border.

Well, you know, it's a smaller area, Bel Air. Yeah, and there's probably more of a reason to have a wall you know and the people that run bel air are probably more serious yeah yeah there's definitely something that you know i i don't know uh about this whole wall thing i really feel like it was one of those campaign slogans that he got stuck with you know build that wall and then once he got in he's like oh christ i really got to build this fucking thing it's a slogan someone whispered into his ear you think ann coulter probably said get out there and say build the wall and he goes that's good and then he just went out there build that wall i love the one of the speeches he doesn't really

build things he lends his name to be franchised yeah he definitely does he's not a bit like this idea that he's like a bit the things he's built are disgusting if you go to atlantic city walk into any building he has built it is to chris hedges wrote a book he's a interesting guy he wrote a book called america the farewell tour and he goes he went he went to trump tower in atlantic city goes there's junkies in the bathrooms. There's like rats running around. He's falling apart. And he's like, that's kind of what America will be. But no, anything he's built is not nice.

Did you watch it? There was a documentary about an architect called Costas Kariannis. And a lot of the documentary is about him convincing Trump to not make his building gold in New York City. And it's like – Is it gold in New York City or no? No. But it building gold in new york city and i and it's like is it gold in new york city no but it's gold in vegas it's gold a lot of places but like he was going to ruin the the downtown of manhattan with a gold building why is that ruining it though a gold building why not you've spent too much time on the west coast but why is that bad? Why is it bad for it to be one color? Is it better if it's all black or it's all white or silver? New York has a look.

It has a feel. You can't come in with a gold building. It's not Vegas. It's not Atlantic City. This is not Reno. Like Mandalay Bay. What goes on in a gold building? I've never looked at a gold building and said, I bet what goes on there is honest and decent.

Gold building should be for doing coke and losing money. Right. That's what it's about. You don't walk through a gold building and get a checkup. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. That's a very good point.

That's what I think. It's gaudy. Yeah. It's disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, gaudy is a weird thing, right? Who's that good for? When you go to a place and it's got opulent chandeliers yeah gilded you know it's

for sociopaths who sacrifice human beings that's the way they want to live they want to live in a uh a palatial opulent environment and then just you know i think matt taibbi said this yeah he said that trump is a poor person's idea of a rich person. Absolutely. That's what a rich person thinks. When a poor person thinks about a rich person, they think, oh, he's got his name on his jet. He's got his name on his building. The guys I grew up with in Long Island, if somebody went to them and said,

hey, you could own the Miss Universe pageant. You could have a building with your name on it. You could be in the WWE. That would be amazing. You'd be a winner winner they would be a winner where i grew up in long island that would be that is the highest you can go so i think that's kind of what it is it's a very what's see what's appealing that's also what's appealing about him what's appealing about him is there is no veneer right you don't get the idea that you're being

played you get the idea you know you're kind of being, but you're being played on a level that you accept. It's like when you go buy a car and you know the salesman. I used to be in sales. So when I'll go to buy something, sometimes I know the salesman needs the sale because I used to. So sometimes I'll be like, yeah, whatever. It is what it is. I'll do it.

That's kind of with Trump. You know you're being sold, but you're okay with it. You let it happen. What do you think is going to come after him? It seems like he's throwing a giant monkey wrench into the gears. If Twitter is any indication, a prolonged civil conflict where some will emerge as a few different nation states will barter with each other. I don't know. Maybe Joe Biden and then nothing. He's got no chance.

Who's coming? Warren? I don't know. She's got no chance. Bernie they hate now. Yeah. They hate Bernie now? A lot of people hate Bernie.

What happened? I don't know. I missed it. Some guy on his staff was accused of sexual assault. Oh, and now they hate Bernie? He's a rapist. You know that's what happens. Bernie's out. He's a white, straight male. he doesn't get it ah he doesn't get it plus he has like two

houses yeah he's worth like three hundred thousand dollars you know that offends people does yeah how'd you get that money off the backs of poor people yeah in a country by the way where people make that in an hour on youtube you know some people do logan paul and all those guys those guys you know you see people in la i'll see a kid in la on a skateboard i'm like he's a millionaire he owns three houses because he's a youtube live streamer yeah he's probably playing video games on twitch yeah everything my parents told me to do go to school all that is impoverished my generation everything they told told me to do, go to school, all that has impoverished my generation. Everything they told us not to do, which is play video games, watch TV, get high, is making people billionaires. It's amazing.

Yeah. They were wrong. They were definitely wrong. The boomers were wrong about everything. Well, they didn't see this coming. No. They didn't see this craziness coming. They didn't see anything coming.

You know what concerns me is the rise of people that think that everyone owes them something sure you know that's that's that's the weird one like we were talking about aoc who you know she seems like a nice girl good looking woman she's young she's got energy she wants to do good things she wants to do some good ones but i saw the one thing that said give money to people who are unable or unwilling to work yeah that's not saw that and i'm like that's not gonna work well it's not and they pulled that out they pulled that part out the unwilling part and unable to work makes total sense you know we as a community we should take care of the people most of the people i know in comedy are unable to work most of us most of us yes this is the only we can do. But her thing was a weird one because that thing unwilling to work, it's like, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You just crossed over into crazy town. Yeah. But that means that crazy town was always in the back. You always had that. Yeah. When you put that on paper, that means this is something that's been discussed. Part of the appeal, and she just, I don't know how influential she was in getting Amazon to drop out of New York. But I live in Queens, so everyone who's paranoid, Amazon was coming.

I was in a bagel. I know carbs are not good, but I was in a bagel shop. I gave up dairy two weeks ago. I'm turning it around. Turning it around. I was in a bagel shop. Everyone was paranoid about Amazon. Amazon's going to come.

We're all going to get priced out of our little shoeboxes that we live in. Or some of the people that own those shoeboxes like i'm a millionaire now because amazon's coming and but here's the thing it's hard to have a rational discussion about inequality right now because in a place like new york city it's so expensive to live and the reason for that is that it's a destination for like foreign capital so essentially a lot of the buildings in New York City, foreign people buy apartments. They don't live in them. They use it to launder money.

And they buy them not even under their real name. They buy them under the name of a shell corp, like an LLC. And then they have these investments. And it really makes everything insanely expensive. That's what's making everything expensive? That's what's making a lot of real estate in New York City expensive. If you've got to guess what percentage of like expensive apartments are owned i'll tell you between 2008 and 2014 i think 50 of apartments going into contract were because i do a show but i used to be a double-decker tour guide in new york city

and so i do a show like a funny comedy show where i take i sell tickets i put people on a tour bus and then we go around these buildings and just scream at these buildings. It's fun. It should be illegal, but it's fun. And no one cares because they're not home because they're somewhere. I mean, if you look at who owns these buildings, it's a guy who like is maybe a guy who owns a mining company and he poisoned a river in Zambia. A lot of these guys are doing things they shouldn't be doing and they want to stash their money in real estate. London is more expensive than New York.

Really? Because London is all essentially shell corporations, these phantom buyers buying up real estate in London, in New York. So you have people in New York that know the system is fucked. They know the market's being artificially manipulated. Bloomberg thought it was great. Bloomberg goes, we want all the billionaires. He said it. That was his quote goes we want all the billionaires he said it that was his quote we want all the big it's like some of those billionaires have done things that would make you would keep you up at night they you know

bloomberg's like bring them in they eat shrimp and steak they'll go to peter luger's bring them in we love them we want all the billionaires as a businessman right that's the thing so people get fed up with this and dude when i was at tour bus, people would get on from regular places like Pennsylvania and I would just point and go, 10 million, 20 million, 30 million. And these people just shift uncomfortably in their seats like, what the hell's going on? Right. Here, this is the, you know, I saw Trump getting elected during those tours. Because I'm like, $100 million.

And they're like sitting there like, what? I can't afford a knee operation. Well, the idea that Trump's not a part of that is even more crazy. Well, listen, his building was a huge destination. Russians love his building. Yeah. They love it. They love a brand name.

They love the plaza. They love his building. And a lot of interesting characters lived in Trump Tower. Didn't they take the Trump Tower name off of it? In New York? Yeah. No, I don't think so. There was one of the buildings where the people that own the co-op decided to take the name off of it? In New York? Yeah. No, I don't think so. There was one of the buildings where the people that own the co-op decided to take the name off of it.

Oh, maybe. Do you remember that? There's a lot of shitty Trump nursing homes, too. Really? As you drive into New York. Oh, yeah. You know those nursing homes? You know those elderly people are getting beaten.

It's hard to say. Joe, you know they're getting fleeced and beaten. You go by, you see Trump Pavilion. It's like a Soviet- architecture Horrible like old age home That's been there since the 70s And I'm like man I feel for the people in there The screams Another New York condo votes to remove

Trump from name New York City condominium on Thursday Removed President Trump's name from the building's facade. The second time in four months, his name has been removed from a condo in the city. 55% of Trump Place condo owners at 120 Riverside Boulevard in Manhattan voted in favor of removing the large sign

above the front door. The building's... Isn't that crazy? Who cares? These are self-important people. No one cares. They're worried about their investment. Oh, that's a good point.

Yeah. I think if you try to sell it in its Trump place, you're going to eliminate 50% of your buyers. The dictators that are buying those apartments think it's great. They probably don't. Maybe they don't. Maybe they're like, you know what? Maybe you're right. This is probably, we'll probably go down the street to this no-name building, we'll be better off.

But a lot of his condos were sold to, you know, mafia and, you know, Russian business guys. I mean, he's always had that, you know, he did deals. There was this firm located in Trump Tower called Bayrock Financial, which was a, it was headed by this guy, Felix Sater. Felix Sater was a guy who the FBI convicted in like a Russian pump and dump stock scam. And he worked in Trump Tower with Trump. Like he worked very closely with Trump. And Felix had like informed, I think, on the Russian mob for the feds. And the feds kind of let him earn. So Trump has had this labyrinth of shady connections forever.

Wow. And I don't know if that means that he's – I don't think he's an asset of Putin or anything like that. I don't believe that. I think that's kind of just, you know. I think a lot of people would like to believe that. But he's a shady guy. So if you have all these people pouring over his business deals for the last 50 years, it can't be good.

There could be an amazing movie about him. Oh, there will be. Yeah. And who would play him? Good question. Hopefully not a white man christian bale uh let him get fat just like he did with dick cheney when he played dick if he can play dick cheney he can do trump he can play trump he was a great cheney i heard i haven't seen that movie yet i

heard it was amazing i you know the movie like a lot of people the movie was good it was not you know it's i love like the big short to me was amazing I don't think it was as good as that but Christian Bale is phenomenal he's a phenomenal actor which I mean to gain that much weight to become another person

that's the whole thing with Jussie Smollett it's like they're all all these actors are sociopaths yeah they're all sociopaths

watch his Good Morning America interview and try not to laugh well now it's crazy when he said he's the gay Tupac. Like, did you see that?

When he said he fought back and hit those guys, like, oh my god. What crisis PR firm is telling him to do that? The gay Tupac? No one's telling him to do that. This is all this is Bridget Phetasy said it best. She said this is like, she's hilarious. She said this is what happens when you let

actors write the script. Well, that's true. You see the plot twist coming a mile away that's true i had dinner the other night i was in la and an actor was at the table and he was talking and i'm like i don't know who this guy is but he's not even the person he is at this table right right like he he's trying out a person right now yeah have you ever been in that situation i don't know who he is but he's not this guy he doesn't know who he is either he has no clue he's just good looking guy that's vapid he's full of nothing he wants to get famous yeah asap and they say things oh yeah other people are saying here's one good to see you yes when they meet you they say good to see you because they might have met you and

they don't want to forget 100 i've said that before nice to meet you they're like actually we met before i'm like fuck sorry dude and they'll ask in a very strange way they'll be like what's going on yeah like what's up what's going on like you want to they want to you want they want to you they want to be fed yeah they want to be fed information yeah it's like what's going on and i'm like well you know a lot of projects shitest spotted flappers. A lot of things happening. Because they're always trying to move. That's the thing about LA. New Yorkers just pound yourself into the ground until you get funny.

That's kind of what the New York scene is. Do 57 shows a day. Give up on your life. Don't speak to your family. They're losers. They're holding you back. Go hard. LA is is like make a friend have lunch see what happens i talk to some of the people out here and i'm like what's the plan i get

nervous for them i'm like what's the plan they're getting high it's midday i'm like okay it's wednesday too they're like we just had a meeting i'm like what'd you do they go we're talking about starting a podcast i'm like that's not a a meeting. I'm like, what'd you do? They go, we're talking about starting a podcast. I'm like, that's not a meeting. You're just friends with someone else. Yeah, you're talking about stuff. That's nothing. That's not a meeting.

But here's the thing. It does work here. And there are people that I know who've made the right friend, and then their life changes. Yeah, there's a little of that. But those people are super transparent. And if you don't have any talent, that's never going to catch. No, it'll never work. And then everybody resents you.

There's a few of those people that really don't have any talent, that's never going to catch. No, it'll never work. And then everybody resents you. There's a few of those people that really don't have any talent, but they made the right friends, and they cling on to folks, and everybody gets real uncomfortable when they're around. Well, that was the thing. I think the first time we spoke is I'd written that thing about Louie, and after Louie's the whole news, but Louie happened. I love that piece, by the way. Yeah, thank you. It was so accurate and honest.

Yeah, it was on Facebook, which is where I did a lot of my best work. Explain what you were saying to people that didn't read it after louis a lot of people uh were rightly you know criticizing conduct and you know the whole me too thing that that's all valid and 100 needs to happen but then there were people that were like you know louis was never funny or louis was just you know of course he got all these things he was a white guy or and i'm like wait what and they were like well he said this word i don't like well look at this joke and i'm like guys a week ago he was a comic genius we all agreed on that that was a widely held belief now out of nowhere he's not that funny and and these people are tweeting this from parking lots where they're performing some of these shows in la are in like someone's driveway, you know? Yeah.

Which is fine. I do them. I have no problem with that. Yeah. But they're getting on Twitter and knocking Louis from the back of a parking lot where they're doing a show.

But the reason you gave for why they're doing it. Well, because these, there's, in any industry, people are going to get ahead by being agreeable, by having the right opinions,

by crowdsourcing their opinions by taking the temperature of the room and going how does everyone feel and those people are you know they're careerists they're very good at office politics they're very good at having the right friends but their contributions are never really important or long lasting because they never get great because they don't take any risk because i think greatness is something you have to risk constantly to to get to that level yeah so a lot of these people do very well they make money they're they're successful but they are careerist and they're looking for comfort and so when it was comfortable and safe to attack louis and to bring louis down

and to elevate themselves they did it but they didn't do it when it could comfortable and safe to attack louis and to bring louis down and to elevate themselves they did it but they didn't do it when it could have hurt their career a week earlier you know yeah so to me it was very disingenuous and the fact that more people weren't calling it out and and i and i made that point where i said the same thing on the other side of people who styled themselves like i'm a free speech warrior i'm this anti-pc and their whole entire persona is is the need to say the n-word right they're like i can't do a joke if the punchline isn't fag like they're like we have to yeah so those to me are kind of the same people and they're they're the people that are just trying to arrange the world in a way

that allows them to succeed those are the types of people also like you were talking about the actor in the you know you mean they're they're putting on a facade yeah this is not who they've adopted a predetermined pattern of behavior 100 and that predetermined pattern of behavior might be i'm a guy i drink every night we go hard right i'm an artist i smoke cigarettes right i don't give a fuck right i'm not trying to get on tv yeah so to me it was like incredibly disingenuous you had all these people and a lot of them are angry and they're doing fine yeah like some of them are talent like some of these people have their own shows and they're getting angry at louis and they're getting angry and i'm like there's a there's a real because here's the thing artist fear told me something made a lot of sense once

he goes it's it can really be a waste to get into this type of business and end up in an office writing for a show you don't care about. In a job you hate, punching a clock. And that stuck with me. And Artie's like, it might be harder to go the other way and to build a fan base and to do what you want. But it's going to be better in the end. And you're not going to be angry. You're not going to be better in the end, and you're not going to be angry. You're not going to be resentful. And I think a lot of the people that were, again,

shitting on his comedy, not so much his behavior, but his comedy, are people that would want more in this than they have, and they're resentful at guys like Louie because it's not fair how talented he is. Well, it's not just how talented he is. It's his work ethic. There's a lot of factors the risks that he does take i mean he he says controversial things he always has whether

you agree or not like one of the things about the parkland thing you know when he got in trouble about uh you know saying that all you did was push some fat kid out of the way yeah that is so consistent with his material yeah the idea that anybody's saying, like, oh my God, he's punching down. You need to go review his material again. Because he said a lot of risky shit because it was funny. And he had really good points about it. Now, is that something that I would joke about? Probably not.

Right. But he did. You wouldn't joke about fat people? Yes, I would. But I don't think I would joke about kids getting shot. It's a tough take. Yeah. To make funny.

But I think he could, I think honestly, you're dealing with, first of all, the embryo of a bit. I mean, he's really only been doing stand-up again for a couple of months. And back then it was even less. doing stand-up again for a couple of months and back then it was even less and i think ultimately his idea that bet is that bit rather is that kids today like they want to be a they and a them and they have 78 different genders and why am i why are you interesting you're interesting because you didn't get shot right that is his take on it and he probably with overall reaction and anticipation of reaction probably would have eliminated that part of the bit. Sure.

And you know what I'm saying? Like, you know how it works. Absolutely. I think part of it is, too, I was attracted to comedy because of guys like Bill Hicks or Patrice. People that could, like, the things that those guys said, you could only say on a stage if you were really funny. Right.

That's what I love about comedy. Me, too. That doesn't mean that everyone has to love that. There's people that love it for a million different reasons. Sure. But I love when Bill Hicks got up and he said, I was for the war, but against the troops. Yeah. That's still to me one of the most amazing jokes I've ever heard.

When he goes, we had a war in the States. I was in the unenviable position of being for the war, but against the troops. Yeah. He's like, all those men living together. Yeah. He's like, I just don't like young people or whatever. It's just great. I'm like, oh, you couldn't say that in a human resources meeting.

You couldn't say that in an office. You couldn't say that if you were out to lunch with a bunch of people. Probably you couldn't get away with that unless you were really funny. But these guys have gotten so funny and they've perfected their craft to the point where they can get away with these things that the goal is to elicit laughter. You're not going to change your mind, but the goal is to make you laugh about something that's dark and horrible that's what i love about comedy yeah it's some of my favorite material some of my favorite material is fucked up it's wrong you probably shouldn't have said it but it'd make me howl loud have you seen holtzman no you never seen brian holzman? No. Oh, my God. Store?

Yeah. I should check him out. How long are you in town for? I'm in town for a little while. I leave early March for a wedding. Oh, great. I'm coming back like a week, a month now. Well, he'll be here.

I'm sure he's here either Friday or Saturday because he doesn't really do the road. Okay. He mostly just does the store. Yeah. I don't even think he does other clubs. I think he just does the store. He's just there. When I started in 94, he was coming up. he was there at the store in 94 wow and uh he was already there when i got

there right and i was like whoa this guy's gonna be huge and for whatever reason he never left he just does the store but he's a legend but it's the best room i mean i just did a few guest spots there and i'm like oh this is the best room in the cut like i wouldn't leave either i'm like this is amazing yeah but you gotta leave like i'm doing the improv tonight or well i did the improv the other night i'm doing the improv tomorrow night i mix it up yeah and i did the ice house last night right i mix it up you got i think you have to but it's the best room in the world is he one of those guys who does this stuff where you're like i can't believe i'm laughing when susan smith drowned her kids remember that remember that he got on stage that night he's like like, ladies and gentlemen, I heard those were bad kids.

I heard they sat that close to the TV. They never put away their blocks. They constantly spilt their fucking milk. Those kids will not be missed. It's amazing. We were like, Jesus Christ. Mitzi Shore would not let him go on stage after 9-11. She would not let him go on stage.

She told him he could stay home. She's like, you're on the bench kid how long for like weeks oh my god he got benched she's like don't let him on he got benched after 9-11 by mitzi shore that's great by mitzi shore let you get away with fucking anything yeah that's so wild she was like no no and this is pre-social media too she wasn't worried about a tweet storm no no that's she was like you can't you can't let him up i love pre-social media, too. She wasn't worried about a tweet storm. No, no, that's so funny. She was like, you can't let him up. I love pre-Twitter to not let someone up.

It has to be so egregious. He's a fucking animal, man. That's awesome, though. He's so funny. He's so funny. Those are the things you laugh to heart. You know, when you're, I always look at it as like when I was going through a Taco Bell drive-thru in 11th grade, and we were all stoned, the things, you would make jokes.

Nobody in the car would ever go, that's too much. If get rid of them they're done yeah you know that no one means that no we would say horrible things about each other's families my mother's a schizophrenic we would make fun of my mother you know and it it was great yeah i still do yeah if you're someone in your family's mentally ill you're not making fun of them it's your problem the difference is between east coast and west coast comedy is that west coast comedy they hold that carrot of a sitcom yeah or uh you know hosting the tonight show or something like that above your head we have health insurance it's always there east coast comedy is just be funny be funny until you die be funny and mean. There's a lot of meanness. And it gets cold in the winter.

It's cold and mean. And that's, you know, it's really, but you know what I like about West Coast comedy too is it's a lot of performing because the rooms are big. Yes. The venues are big. East Coast rooms are a little smaller. So you have a lot of like writers. Right.

I love the performing style. So I kind of like seeing people in the store with big acts. Yeah. There's not a lot of room to move like if you're at the stand or you know they're a little small yeah they're tight little rooms you can't you still have there are some great performers in those rooms that rock out in the smaller environment but like when i was in the store i was like oh there's huge rooms big performers and that's awesome especially like the main room the main room is amazing giant stage yeah it's it is interesting like those really small intimate rooms in new york they lend

themselves a lot to talking to the crowd and being sharp and having really sharp bits yes that hit and then i think and that's why you gotta go everywhere because you need the when you go on the road you want you want a little bit of everything yeah you want to be able to perform and you want to have sharp jokes but you got to be able to do crowd work. You got to, you know? Yeah. I started out in Boston and Boston was always, no one has a long attention span. Everybody wants you to do the jokes quick. And if you start bombing, you're not going to recover.

Really? Nobody recovers in Boston. It's tough out there. Once you start eating shit, they're done with you. Bobby Kelly would tell me stories about like the rooms he came up doing. They are rough rooms. Yeah. We came up together. Yeah. Bobby and I did a stories about the rooms he came up doing. They are rough rooms. Yeah, we came up together.

Bobby and I did a lot of road gigs together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is that like outside of Boston? Yeah, we did a lot of the Dick Daugherty comedy huts out in the middle of fucking nowhere. That sounds great, though. Oh, they were great. They were Aku Aku's, which is like a Polynesian restaurant. Yeah.

And they would have comedy hut. I did one of the 15-minute Netflix specials. I went the next day. Two days later, I went to a room in Massachusetts outside of Boston, and I bombed so bad. It was amazing. I was like, well, this is why the funniest people in the world come from this state.

Where was it? Do you remember where you were? Where was I? I forget. It was a, I don't want to say the actual show who did book it this guy booked it he knows exactly he'll probably tweet me or something but it was in god it was outside it was like 20 minutes outside it was in it was in um not hingham but it was it was somewhere and it was not good it was just a bar it was a good. It was just a bar. It was a circular bar.

And I got up, and nobody was – and in the middle of my set, a woman, a drunk woman started yelling at me, and then I yelled back at her, and then it was okay because we yelled at each other for 20 minutes. That was the show. What did she yell? I think it was something – you're not funny, you fat fuck, something like that.

Something that was justified at that moment in the set and i went back at her i was like listen to me you fucking animal and then it was great and then they they perked right up right and then the material worked after that sometimes it's exciting when something like that happens like finally that was it was the trump moment it was a moment where people are like sat up in their chairs they're like okay we can you know um when i was living in boston you could make a living and not leave oh wow you could stay in boston and you could go 20 minutes here 30 minutes there you go to andover you go to hang them you go to framingham you go to all these different places and you can

do gigs and i mean you wouldn't get rich but you could pay your bills and never leave town and so there was so much comedy there were so many rooms like barry katz had a bunch of rooms and the comedy connection had a bunch of rooms and mike clark had a bunch of rooms and there was somewhere that's what like really got you really strong yeah because you're mostly doing these hell gigs you're doing these hell gigs everywhere and so when i came to new york what got me was that everything was like small there were small crowds small stages and you would do a short amount of time yeah and i was like oh i don't like this that much it was like a showcase set like 15 10 50 minutes yeah because i was doing like middle sets i do a half hour yeah and then i was headlining

i do 45 minutes well Come out to Long Island. It's an approximation of Boston. They're wild folks. Oh, I did a lot of gigs in Long Island. Yeah. A lot of gigs in Long Island. The benefit of the doubt is nonexistent. Yeah.

When I got out there, Eastside Comedy Club was there. Oh, wow. That was back in the day when Jenny was still around. I remember I tell this story all the time, but it's so crazy. People forgot how goddamn good Richard Jenney was. He was there one night. He did four different hours on Friday and Saturday. So he did two shows Friday, two

shows Saturday. Four completely different hours. And the opening act and the this... Who the fuck was it? Who the fuck was the MC? He was a friend of mine Peter God damn it

Peter Boyle? Peter Bale? Forget his last name Peter Bales? Peter Bales Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Glasses

Good dude Older guy Yes Yeah yeah yeah He was younger back then This was back in the Disney day But he was just like Shaking his head like

What the fuck man The guy did four different hours Yeah And I remember I was just barely starting out I was sitting back going what the fuck yeah how does a man do four different hours he goes he didn't repeat a premise he didn't repeat a punch line he did and he crushed and this is one weekend one weekend two shows friday two shows saturday he was a genius man he was responsible for so many people's acts too he. He would tighten up people. He worked a lot with Rock.

Yeah. Worked a lot with Chris on the road. Yeah. And helped him with his specials. Was he from Boston, Jenny? No, he was a New York guy. Okay, yeah, yeah. I think he was from Brooklyn.

He was fucking amazing, man. But that was Eastside Comedy Club back in the day. Yeah, yeah. No, it's good. Those rooms are like governors and brokers. I like those rooms because you go out there. If you're funny, you're funny. You'll kill. Yep, it's good. Those rooms are like governors and brokers. I like those rooms because you go out there and if you're funny, you're funny. You'll kill.

And if you're lacking or if you're a bit half done, they'll let you know. They'll let you know. They'll let you know. Yeah. They paid the money. Yeah. They'll let you know. Yeah.

You'll hear it audibly. Yeah. But that's good. You need that. Yes. That's why Colin Quinn builds his shows there and they're amazing. Yeah. And his new show is great, Red State, Blue State.

Did he build it out there? I don't know if he did this one he built a lot of his shows out there because like he goes out there and he says if it's good they're really gonna let you know right so it's where a lot of comics will go and test similar to those rooms in boston you really test you get coddled a little bit in new york city and la yeah you get coddled so you've got to go out there to somebody who doesn't give a shit. That's the people who are like, listen, I'm either – those people out there don't choose to laugh. Right. They laugh or they don't. Right.

You go to Echo Park, they choose. Yeah. They sit there and they go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Or they'll go like this. They go, no. Like in their face, you'll see it. They'll be like, no. Out in those areas like Long Island, it's an instinctual guttural laugh.

Yeah, it's not. It's not. Yeah, the thing about like laughter when you're choosing to laugh. Right. In here and there. It's so pretentious. It's not fun. Yeah.

It goes back to that example of like growing up, you're making people laugh. Who the hell's choosing to laugh? What psychopath is sitting there going, huh? Also, they're mostly in the business. Like a lot of the audience is in the business. The whole thing is the business. It's weird. The entire thing is agents who are like 22 years old.

Yep. They're like embryos to so young, the agents. And agents and managers for the most part, excluding mine, who I love, but agents and managers, they're rich kids who can't do tech or finance. A lot of them. There's quite a few. Let's be honest. These are rich kids whose parents go, hey, can you do something?

Because I don't want to look at you anymore. And they're not going to get a job at jolly b right so they're going to go get a desk at uta or cia or wme and most i mean everyone needs one too that's the other thing like you're not going to negotiate on your own you're going to do a terrible job if you negotiate your own gigs i'll i will take any amount of money to do anything i mean i i i mean i'm horrible at negotiating i was bad in sales sales didn't work and now i'm here you know apparently bill murray doesn't have an agent or a manager he has an answering machine really and people call him up yeah and they make him offers to do things

and he'll like listen to those messages and go i'll do that one and he just goes and does it well if you're like a legend like that, I guess you can do that. He can do whatever he wants. What an interesting system. No, I need an agent like blackmail people, CIA level blackmail to get me into rooms. Well, the thing, it's not just that. You need someone to actually do the talking for you to get gigs. Oh, yeah.

Or to negotiate your money or to do your air travel. She'll call me and she'll be like, they wanted 85 shows over the weekend. I got them down to six. You know? Yeah. Because I'm like a newer comic. So if they want nine, seven shows, I do it. Yeah, I'll do it.

Do you get when you do- Five shows on Saturday, I'll do it. Do you do three shows on Saturday night? Yeah. Yeah. Three at the same club? Sometimes, yeah. Those are weird. That third show, you don't know what the fuck you already talked about.

The third show's not even comedy anymore. I don't know what is happening. It's accounting happening i don't know what's happening at that point but um it can be really fun the third show a lot of times is people the audience is people who've been asked to leave other venues right so they're drunk and walking by the club and they go and you just their friend brings him in this is literally i've heard i've literally spoke to somebody i'm like why are they here and they were well, we were asked to leave and they saw it and they just saw the lights and they like lights. So we brought them in and now you're talking about, you know, frozen yogurt or whatever

in there. You know, but it's nuts. That show's crazy. What's the latest set you can get in New York City these days? Oh, you can get like, I think it's like a 245 or something. You can get something crazy. 245. Maybe it's 230.

Maybe it's two. You can get something really I think it's like a 2.45 or something. You can get something crazy. Maybe it's 2.30. Maybe it's 2. You can get something really late. Wow. People are up. Who the fuck is there at 2.45? There's people. Really? Yeah.

What's it like? It ain't, I mean, I think it's pretty good depending on the night. Like a Saturday night, 2.45? Probably great. Wow. I mean, listen, as it gets louder, it gets, yeah, I think the cellar's the latest, I think. But as it gets louder, I mean, as it gets later, people get drunker. I used to do Dangerfields.

That's still there. Yeah. And we used to do prom shows. Yeah. Do you ever do the prom show thing? I'm not a prom show act. This is what they do with the- If a bunch of kids are sitting there and I walk out on stage, it's a bad prom.

Well, it's always a bad prom. Those prom shows are terrible. Yeah. But what they do is they they don't you and back in the day at least they didn't change the crowd so you would you would go out like say if there's like four comics on the lineup there's an mc and three other comics and then there's the next show it starts all over again right mc same three comics the audience is there so they want you to do the exact same act so that the kids will leave

because they have no account of the kids so the buses pull up and they're just stuffing these kids in there and they're hoping that if you do the same bits the kids will get bored and they got mad at me because i'm like look i'm not doing the same material i see the same faces it's boring yeah i'm only doing a 15 minute set i go i have more material i'm gonna do other other bits yeah and they're like you got to do the same jokes. We're trying to get these people out of here. I'm like, how about just grab them. Just get them out of here.

Yeah, just light a fire. But we would do them until 5 o'clock in the morning. The last time I was in Dangerfield, there was four people in a room. Two couples. The waiter's about in his mid-80s. It's dark and I'm performing in front of a piano. It's one of those nights where you go You know This was a choice

I made To get into this business But there's something haunting about that room And it was actually fun I'm just entertaining two couples Yeah It's crazy I did one couple once at Dangerfield

Yeah There was no one There was no show I had a 9 o'clock spot Listen to this There's never a show I had a 9 o'clock spot yeah i got there at 8 45 the comics are sitting around the bar i go what's going on like there's no one here i go there's no one here yeah and then right when i said that this couple walked up and uh bobby who was the uh the doorman who's

this fucking scottish power lifter guy he was like five foot ten and five foot ten wide oh interesting i saw him grab a kid by his neck at one of these prom shows and pick him up by his neck and carry him out of there jeez but anyway he was this tank of a man he was always fucking hilarious and ruthless on the comedians yeah yeah yeah you're gonna try that bag of shite you call a fucking act and and anyway uh these people walk in he's like ladies and gentlemen gentlemen, welcome to Dangerfields Come on right in And he brings them in and these people walk into his empty room And sit down And they're like, what the fuck is going on?

And then all of a sudden, the lights come on And then the emcee comes out And they sat through all of us I was like, you know Fourth on the lineup or something like that I did my fucking 15 minutes In front of these two people. And they were into it.

They were great, but it was weird. Those shows, what's good about those shows... They build you. They let you know what's bullshit in your act because you feel embarrassed saying it. That's a great point. It feels clunky coming out of your mouth. Especially to three people.

Things are always clunky. When it's a small crowd, they are always clunky, right? Right. When it's a small crowd, they're really clunky. When you're working on material, every time I have a premise or even if I'm fucking telling a story, a lot of times as I'm starting to tell the story, the beginning part is a little fucking clunky and maybe I'm saying something the wrong way and it doesn't make total sense and then eventually it catches on. If you do that in front of two people,'re like what are you doing yeah the best story about danger fields was there was a guy who walked in once i was sitting in the bar area he had a rodney dangerfield uh doll and he walked in he goes listen i've had a business for two you know for

10 years up the block and we found this doll. I'm moving to wherever he was going. He's like, we're closing up shop. Here you go. I thought you might like it. And then the guy took it. He said to the owner, he said, there was no speaking. He just showed him this doll,

and then the owner just pointed, and then the guy carried this Rodney Dangerfield doll down the stairs and just put it in storage. And it was the darkest moment which is such a dark moment to sit there silent just the owner went yeah and pointed and the guy just took this danger field doll and he walked it down into god only know the phantom of the opera whatever the hell goes down under that club but yeah that's a real that's like the oldest club in the country how's it still open i that is a great question that the fbi would probably want to look into i don't know

because everybody's get that same story people was there people go 25 years ago 25 years ago there was no one there i mean that fucking show that i'm telling you about that was 25 years ago there's never been anyone there i don't know they make money off those prom shows though they were packed it's like a great joke about like Nanette that my buddy Nick Mullen who's an amazingly funny comedian said he's like Nanette

no one's seen it it's just a trailer like no one's seen Nanette it's just a trailer and everyone's like it's brave it's brilliant it's amazing

it's my number one and it's just a trailer it literally doesn't exist so maybe I don't know but it is it's one of those rooms in New York

that's kind of haunting yeah it's a strange place did you ever listen to The Day the Laughter Died? No. It's Dice Clay's double album that he filmed there. Oh, wow. With no audience.

No one knew he was coming. He had no material. Zero. That's amazing. He just started talking about shit and ad-libbing things. Yeah. And he was as big as a fucking comedian could be at the time. And he called it The Day the Laughter Died.

Rick Rubin produced it. No, I've heard of it, but I didn't know it was so... It's fucking brilliant and terrible at the same time. Really? Some guy gets up in the middle of a set and he goes, You're about as funny as a glass of milk. Oh my God. What a polite heckle.

What an old-fashioned heckle. I've never heard that. Usually people are like, Shut up, faggot. You're about as funny as a glass of milk. That's lovely. Yeah, some guy from Connecticut or something like that, you know? And he got mad. He got mad at Dice.

And Dice is just shitting on him and shitting on everything. Dice probably just destroyed him. Well, it was destroying him, but I'm telling you, he wasn't even trying. Right. him but i'm telling you he wasn't even trying right it was it was like he was at some crazy place in his career where he just decided to do a set where he's bombing do you ever think of doing something like that crazy you never think of just going crazy and doing something completely yeah i'm just trying to do first of all i i i would feel bad i can't do something bad on purpose because then people if i do something bad on purpose.

Because then people, if I do something bad, like, ladies and gentlemen, if you hear it and it sucks, I fucked up. That's it. I made a mistake. I didn't do it good. Right. I didn't put it together right. It's trial and error. Sometimes it's an error.

Yeah. I'm not going to do anything bad on purpose. Yeah. But he was so big and no one had been that big before. Right. You have to realize no one had done arenas before him. Right. He was the first arena comic. The first. Yeah. The first. Yeah. But he was so big, and no one had been that big before. Right. You have to realize, no one had done arenas before him. Right. He was the first arena comic.

The first. Yeah. The first. Yeah. And a fucking hundred of them. He would do them all over the country. Yeah. And he just had had enough, for whatever reason, of fucking everybody loving him.

Yeah. And he's like, fuck you. I love that. He just went out and just said, fuck it. Double CD. It's great. Double CD. It's like a Broadway show. Yeah. that. He just went out and just said, fuck it. Double CD. It's great. Double CD. It's like a Broadway show, like a live album recording of a Broadway show.

Hours of no material, just rambling, talking about stuff, punchlines that don't make sense. He's just out there doing whatever he wants. It's fucking great to this day. It's one of my favorite comedy albums of all time. I'll listen to it every now and then for like 15 minutes in my car and just go, what the fuck? That's amazing. Is it all at Dangerfields? Yes, all of it.

Wow. All of it at Dangerfields. No one knew he was coming. Yeah. And when they saw him, they're like, holy shit, it's Dice Clay. There's probably 20 people in the crowd.

They were so excited. They probably did it on a Tuesday or some shit. He's an animal. That's amazing though. Yeah. That's amazing. That to me,

that type of stuff I like. I like that type of stuff because to me, it's like, it's the raw essence of what this is. I found out about it from another comedian named Mike Donovan, a hilarious guy from Boston. Yeah. And he was crying, laughing, describing it and describing this bit that Dice was doing

about Nixon eating ass. He's like, oh, I love to eat ass. I eat that ass. Give me that fat fucking ass. And he was doing this bit. It's crazy. I hate that ass. Give me that fat fucking ass. And he was doing this. It's crazy. It was so ridiculous. But for whatever reason, Mike Donovan was, tears were coming out of his, he couldn't breathe as he was describing it.

I was like, God, I got to listen to this fucking thing. Well, Dice is one of those guys when you watch him, you're like, this guy can just talk. Yeah. And it's funny. Well, he's going to be interesting. He's been around for so long. Yeah. And to me, he's always represented to me my childhood.

Yeah. Because when I was like 19 was the first time I listened to his cassette in my car with my girlfriend. And we were just crying and laughing. I couldn't believe how funny he was. Is that what made you? Is he one of the guys where you were like, I want to start doing stand-up? Yeah, for sure. He was definitely one of them.

Him and Kinnison. Him and Kinnison. And Pryor. But Pryor was. See, see like i remember watching those guys and then watching prior and like god prior was so smooth he was so the way he was so personable and vulnerable he was something different because he was vulnerable you know he would talk about like his life and his his problems and all these different things about being addicted to drugs and all these different and he it was so intelligent but vulnerable and honest and and the timing was so good he was such a master i remember we were watching it's me and my roommates at the time

we watched the kinnison special and then we watched richard pryor and my friend who was never a comedian never even thought he goes that fucking guy's the best yeah he's just the best yeah and it was just we were both in agreement like yeah he's just better yeah just the the way he did it you know and this is you know we're talking like 1988 sure so it was still fairly fresh and Pryor was still alive and it was just different you know he different. He was like the first, I mean, obviously Lenny Bruce was the first really honest comedian or one of the first honest social commentators

and then Carlin, but Pryor took it to a weird personal place where you were rooting for him. He was the most personal of all those guys because the Hicks and Carlin were famously like not personal. Yes. And Pryor was personal.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. Personal and, and you know, he would like emphasize humanity. Yeah. Like you would emphasize like loving each other and being kind to each other. Like that was a thing for him. Absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely. But, uh, you know, I, my parents took me to see live at the Sunset Strip when I was a thing yeah absolutely yeah absolutely but uh you know i my parents took me to see live at the sunset strip when i was a little kid oh you saw it the actual no no i saw it in the movie theater right in the movie theater and that was probably the big seed that was the impact yeah because i couldn't believe how funny this guy was just talking yeah i remember looking around the theater and these people were like falling out of their chairs laughing and i'm like i can't believe this guy is just talking.

And it's amazing. Yeah, because all these movies that I'd seen that were really funny, there was a bunch of things happening, and explosions, and fucking stripes. Yeah. But this was not that. Yeah, I saw Eddie Pepitone tape his special a few days ago at Dynasty Typewriter, and he's one of those guys who's so funny and so electric that you have a room full of, you know, the type of people we're kind of talking about.

You're more buttoned up, you know, more of that kind of alternative crowd. They were barking and howling at how funny he was. And some of the things he said, the first thing he does, he grabbed the microphone and he's like, I'm on Molly. The whole room just exploded and he's one of those dudes i watch and i'm like man intensity is just raw power yeah he's such a nice guy he's a great dude yeah if you know him oh yeah you root for him oh yeah a sweetheart of a guy yeah yeah and an odd guy like i don't know any other eddie pepitones no that's what makes him so great yeah

he's like this is an experience and to me the best comedy I think is a comedy where you go oh I'm having an experience now I can't have again

right right right I can't have this again especially a live show yeah I can't go down the block and see this yeah it's not a steakhouse it's the same in every city

right this is a fucking unique human individual that's having this experience at this moment and i'm lucky to be here with yeah yeah yeah yeah live shows man there's something about it that it's so hard to translate when you when you did your netflix especially did one of the 15 minute ones yes how many they're doing a lot of those which i think is a good move they're doing

four to five thousand joe it's a great move it's a great move to have everyone have a special i think my mother's doing one it's very exciting uh you don't even have to do comedy to have a special anymore no you can just sit in a car and talk that's my next submission tape will be me speaking in a in a car going through an in and out um bill burr's videos of him driving around his fucking yeah they're funnier than just talking about the funniest thing in the world. It's funnier than most specials. The Netflix thing was a lot of fun. But here's the reality. I watch it back and I'm like,

it was funner in the room. It's just one of those things. I bet Bring the Pain was better in the room, even though it's amazing. You watch that and you're like, this is the highest heights of anything. Yeah, that's why when someone makes you laugh really hard on a special, like, God, imagine what it would have been like being there.

Oh, yeah. I mean, comedy is an act. One of my friends always says comedy should be seen live. And listen, there's something different about a smaller venue. Like, when people go see you at the store, there's something different than seeing you in a theater. Yeah, for sure. The level of intimacy. Yeah, for sure.

You know, seeing you work stuff out, seeing you in the moment. There's something different about that. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. I like a 150 to 300 seat room. That's what I like. But I also like 11,000 seats, too.

It's kind of crazy. It's fun in a weird way. That's amazing. And if you can make those people feel like it's intimate, you can. You can treat 11,000 people the same way you treat the main room. I like a 500-seat room that's filled with about 80 people. That's good, too, because there's low expectations. That's what I like.

I like a big room full of a very small amount of people. And they can sit back and get really drunk and not worry. Send all the waitstaff home. Shut off most of the lights. Yeah. There's something going on When you're doing a live performance That no one's ever really quantified

It's some kind of Mass hypnosis It's an energy transfer Yeah Because I was an actor For when I was a kid I was six years old To twelve

I was an actor Whoa Yeah So your parents idea It was my idea Joe And like When you were six Yeah it was great

I knew it great Got your cabaret license Yeah I was on Sesame Street Twice Wait really time. When you were six? Yeah, it was great. I knew it great. Got your cabaret license. Yeah, I was on Sesame Street twice. Were you really? Yeah, for real. Oh, legit. Was it really your idea?

Yeah, I pointed at the TV and said, well, unless my parents are lying, because I don't remember and they are liars. So they needed money also. They said, I pointed at the TV and said, I want to be on that. And I made them take me on auditions. Now, maybe they were looking over their said, I want to be on that. And I just, and I made them, you know,

take me on auditions. Now maybe they were looking over their bills and I was a good looking little kid and they said, he needs to start pulling his weight

and, you know, we got to start taking him out. But yeah, I was on Sesame Street. I was in a bunch of plays and stuff.

That live performance is different. It's still energy. Yeah. But there's nothing quite like being alone on a stage doing comedy. Which i didn't do

till much later it's all your shit you're writing it you're figuring out how to say it yeah you're crafting it putting it together yeah and that's why the rejection is the deepest how do you write i go on stage with an idea and i started doing these little videos on Instagram where I actually kind of rant about an issue. And if people kind of respond positively to them, sometimes I'll take that to the stage. And I'll just try to rant about an issue and find a few lines that are keepers that are funny. And then I'll sit down and rewrite it and re-look at the bit. But a lot of what I do has to be like, how does it sound? What's the inflection?

What's the pacing? So being on. But a lot of what I do has to be like, how does it sound? What's the inflection? What's the pacing? So being on stage helps a lot. But there are things that I – what's hard for me and what I have to get better about is writing about things I don't care about. How so? Like if you said, give me 50 jokes about the Kardashians, I would not want to do that. But why would you need to? Well, I'm not saying I do, but I mean that's a skill some people have. There's great monologue joke writers and stuff but if i see something that's ridiculous that i'm

like perplexed by or i think is funny i can devote attention and energy into making that funny yeah i say just concentrate on that fuck all that other stuff i mean that's that's but i do i am in awe of certain people where you can go, here's a topic, give me 50 jokes, and they'll have them, and they're good. But you notice that those guys usually wind up working as writers, and they always feel kind of shitty? That's a lot of them do. That's not a good, when you're a great comic, and you're working as a writer on a sitcom,

that's a bad, and you were talking about it earlier, like, I know a few guys, like Owen Smith, you know Owen Smith? I don't know him, no. But I've heard heard the name one of the best fucking stand-ups in the country yeah he's so good right he has this bit i don't want to tell you much about it okay because it's about adopting a white son it is one of the funniest bits i've ever seen in my fucking life it's so good that you're like holy shit yeah it's so it's so fucking twisted yeah and so uh it's so like you can't believe what he's saying while he's saying it right but this is a guy that is i mean skill wise one of the best stand-up comics in the country yeah but he's not known for it as much

as he's got a real career as a writer you know he's trying to branch out and move away from that but god damn that guy murders when he's in the comedy, I always sit in the back of the room and watch. Yeah, well, a lot of people, I guess, with families and kids, you've got to make decisions. Exactly. But that Ari thing stuck with me when it's like, do you want to be doing something you don't care about? Yes. So to me, I have to write about things that I'm interested in. I think the people's careers that I want or the people that I envy, their careers seem to be led by their interests.

Yeah. Things that interest them. Yeah. Well, that's by their interests. Yeah. Things that interest them. Yeah. Well, that's a better life. Yeah. You know, I've done both. I've done, like, when I was doing Fear Factor, I wasn't remotely interested in it other than the paycheck.

Right. I mean, it was a good gig. I'm not, like, I'm not shitting on it. It was a great gig. I love that I had that job. I love being financially stable. Yeah. You know, at the time, I was like, good.

Now I don't have to worry about paying my bills. It's a nice's a nice thing and it was a great group of people that i work with producers and everybody network everybody's great but there's such a difference between doing that and then doing a podcast oh yeah there's a giant difference well that's the way and the way that i've kind of done my podcast is like what do i care about yeah what do i want to know about who can i feasibly get on to talk about it? Those are the things that are interesting to me. Not so much like, let's just pick a topic that's in the news. Right.

That everyone will have a take on. But I mean, even that, if that's what you're interested in, there's nothing wrong with that. Of course, if you're interested in that, yeah. But as a comic, to have no boss is so nice. Yeah, that's something nice. Oh, it's the nicest. it's the that's the move yeah nice these comics that get they get pigeonholed and stuck into these gigs yeah where they don't want to fuck up the gig so they don't want to say anything controversial so their material

gets bland and some of them take these big moral stands and it's like well you're making a crazy amount of money like some of them like i won't work here and i won't work if that person is on a lineup i won't do it and i'm like yeah but you're making a lot of money that you know that drives me crazy it's crazy that i'm not gonna work with unless someone's stealing right just stop unless someone's stealing or they're punching people or they're being a rapist or something i mean this is something so egregious they should probably be in jail like what what you got creative differences right you fucking baby yeah get over it yeah just just get up there yeah i've worked with a lot of people i don't enjoy working i don't have the luxury of like you know i'm gonna

i won't work this venue because this person worked there it's like that's in that's good you know well i still don't i mean at the store that i'm there all the time with people i don't even hardly know right you know i mean you you're on a lineup with 14, 15 people. Yeah. But that's good, too. That's true. Half of those people could be rapists. More than half. Right. Depends on whose definition. That's a clip right there.

Depends on whose definition. Right. Rape used to be actual rape. Right. Now it's like words. Right. You've got to be fucking careful. You know? It's true.

Well, that's where we come in. Yeah. That's where it's very confusing. Right. Because we, as comics, especially comics like you and I that say fucked up shit, you can get away with things that are really not supposed to be in society anymore. Right. So sometimes people will get up and leave.

That's fine. And I can't believe, like, hey, I'm joking. Sure. Don't you get that I'm joking? Aren't you drunk? Aren't you in a room? Isn't it 1130 at night? Or you perform earlier.

But with me, I'm like, isn't it 4 a.m.? Yeah. What's the problem? Right. If you can't take this opinion now, when are you going to take it? Yeah. And sometimes it's not good. Yeah.

Sometimes the material is not good. I had a bit about those Parkland kids that never worked where I said, I don't want anyone to get shot. But these kids are annoying. These five are annoying. I said, I don't want anyone to get shot. I don't want any. So I said, let's ban guns. But first, we have the kid these kids are annoying these five are annoying i said i don't want anyone to get shot i don't want any so i said let's ban guns but first we have to shoot these kids we have to kill the parkland kids these five we have to shoot the phones out of their hands

and they're going to be the last and we're going to explain to them we're going to go we're banning guns you'll be the last five people to ever die and it didn't work and people people were not exactly thrilled with it but it's like you should be able to try. You should be able to try. You got to try. You should be able to try. Because sometimes, like you were saying, you go on stage with a premise. And then in the middle of doing that premise, you'll find the beats.

Sometimes you don't find the beats. Sometimes you think maybe there's something there. I've had a few bits where I was sure there was something there. I've never been offended by a joke. That's me personally. Like I've never. Have you ever been offended by a joke? there. I've never been offended by a joke. That's me personally. Like, I've never. Have you ever been offended by a joke? No, I've never been offended,

but I've been like, ugh, that one wasn't good. Right. But that's normal. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's the finding the beats on stage

in front of a live crowd, too. There's something about that high wire act that makes your brain go to these weird places that comes up with punchlines. You have to fucking find a punchline. You have to find something funny. You have to. These people paid money.

It's like waving a steak in front of a junkyard dog, and you keep tossing them little bits, and then eventually you have to throw them the steak. And sometimes there's no punchline. That's just part of the fucking gig. And then you got shit. Trump rally. Yes. Just screaming. If he doesn't get elected, do you think he goes and starts a podcast tv network he totally could yeah he totally could probably be better for him honestly that's what he thought he was going to do

i think before he got elected i think he was having high level meetings with people in the media space to start something like that well once nbc fired him nbc fired him while he was running because the stuff that he said about mexico that they're all rapists yeah like someone's doing the raping right too late talk this is so fucking crazy it's out of control for a person running for president nbc is like that's it we're getting rid of you and then they put arnold in his place and that was a disaster yeah do you remember that people forgot yeah arnold hosted the apprentice you're fired yeah that was that was horrible disaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember that? People forgot. Arnold hosted The Apprentice. You're fired. Yeah, that was horrible.

That was horrible. It was terrible. Yeah. And Trump was shitting on him. Did they just scrap the show after that? Yeah, of course. They canceled it. Here's a question.

Does he go back to The Apprentice? Well, if NBC will have him. After the presidency. I think he's too toxic now. No, he's way too toxic. He's way too toxic. Maybe he could come up with something like that for Fox. fox is in let's scoop him up that's what's great about fox they'll play ball yeah they'll play ball yeah they're not gonna leave money on the table you know what though they did want megan kelly back they're like well she did a

thing i used to do the show red eye on fox news which was comics would just try to be funny yeah it was they aired it at like 3am east coast time and I saw her the week she was doing that and she was in like the dressing room and she knew she shouldn't have left

she could feel it she had already made the decision but you could kind of see it in her face that I think she knew that she was going to try to be this

daytime TV queen and like let's bake cupcakes you know I just spent four years on Fox News talking about Santa being white but now let's bake cupcakes you know yeah i just spent four years on fox news talking about santa being white but now let's bake cupcakes because i'm i'm america's sweetheart that's never gonna work well it's weird when you publicly change your image it's it's insane publicly

changing your image yeah her shirts her skirts got longer oh yeah she covered her neck or yeah you know there's no more cleavage every show was about sexual assault She was trying to make Every single show was about sexual assault What do you think that was about? I think she was trying to ingratiate herself in With the people that hated her Oh Which is like the New York media types

The people that did not like her And then she was like But it wasn't even just about sexual assault Like one of them was A lady who fucked Matt Lauer And she knew she was fucking him And she was talking about it She fucked him

Well I didn't know any better I was 25 Right You're 25 You talking about how she fucked him. Well, I didn't know any better. I was 25. Right. You're 25. You fucked a guy. You fucked Matt Lauer. But what happened that's bad here? Right.

Well, he shouldn't have fucked you because he was married. Okay, after that, what happened? What's going on? Nothing? You just fucked him? Who cares? Why is this a segment of a show? Is it because it's scandalous?

Is that what it is? Megyn Kelly did an interview with her. Yeah. Great. Yeah. And she was saying, I was an interview with her? Yeah. Great. Yeah, it was, you know, and she was saying,

you know, I was young and I was impressionable, which, sure, of course you were. It's funny to see them all put nails

in each other's coffins. Right, exactly. Right? Isn't that great? Media is like this blood feud. There's only a few families that control all this information.

They all hate each other. That's why Succession is such a great show. Well, I think with Megyn, it was like that she had been sexually harassed while she was at Fox News.

Oh, yeah. She was going after all those people. By Roger Ailes. Yeah. Yeah. So she was going after, and I think Bill O'Reilly, too. I think there was something. He paid somebody 38 million, so it's like.

That's a lot. What did he do? I think it was 32. Was it 32 or 38? What did that guy do? What did he do? And my grandfather still has a Bill O'Reilly Patriots welcome doormat. Wow.

You know? It's a good mat. I mean, imagine. That's a giant amount of money. It's the amount of money where what he did should be, I mean, it seems like it could be a Netflix documentary. Right. It's going to be, it's like horrific.

Like he offered her 37 million. She's like, no, keep going. Yeah.'m gonna need more right i'm gonna need more after what you did to me this is a 32 million dollar offense yeah well there was that one recording that he had left on some assistance machine andrea macris that woman yeah touch a little loofah sponge or some weird shit i mean that's his that's what he was trying to do. That's a creepy old guy move. Yeah. Get you with a sponge. It's an interesting...

He tried to have his ex-wife excommunicated from the church. What? Great. Did he? He tried. I mean, no. Why? Well, because he wanted her to go to hell.

A church? Yeah, a Catholic church. Imagine what kind of donation you have to make to get your ex-wife sent to hell. Probably $32 million. He's got it. But he wanted her excommunicated. That's the type of guy he is. But the crazy thing is, even after all this, the guy still had the number one book in the New York Times bestseller list.

Oh, yeah, because people dig in. Those old fuckers, they just give in. They dig in. They don't care. They like him. I know who he is. He's folksy. He's like my uncle.

He's a good man. He's a good man. So what? He spent $40 million for some woman he tortured. The tide goes in. The tide goes out. I'm with God. I'm with God.

I love that. When he was doing that, that fucking tide goes in. The tide goes out. You can't explain it, Juan. I was like, wow. You went to Harvard, you fucking piece of shit. You can explain that. A lot of those guys are,

they wear religion like a fuck. It's fashionable to wear it. They wear it. They know better. Trump does that. He gets out and goes, I'm a Christian. I may not be the best Christian, but I'm a Christian. I have leadership qualities.

Good enough. And you're like, not the best Christian. You're a thrice married guy who owns gambling and a Miss Universe pageant. You're a biblical figure. That's like a biblical figure that would be like a Roman king that everybody was warned about. Like in terms of like, I mean. I want him to shave his head.

What do you think that will do? Just freedom. I think it would be funny if he shaved it like somebody had a cancer issue and he just shaved it with them to be a good guy. Well, it doesn't look good. That's what's confusing to me. I think it has a style. When my hair wasn't looking good, it was impossible to look good.

It was falling out to the point where like, this is just a mess. Right. Then I went and buzzed it. I always remember you like that my generation always remembers you like the just bald virile oh like this yeah yeah it's nice i've been i've been like this for a long time yeah i'm solid eight plus years yeah bald how do you it's good you want trump to to just go i think you'd be better off it'd be easier like he's not good looking like he must know that he would be better off. It'd be easier. Like, he's not good looking. He must know that.

He would... That would complete his transformation into a supervillain. I guess like a Lex Luthor type guy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I just... Like, I just... It's got to be so much work to put that hair together. I think someone does it for him.

But even then, you got to talk to them while they're putting it together? I bet you he doesn't talk to them. Everything he does is tweets angry. I bet you he doesn't talk to them Everything he does Just tweets angry I bet you he's not concerned With the human relations With his staff No I just get that vibe

I get that vibe I get that vibe The person who's in charge Of the hair Just does the hair I hope he retires When he retires Or when he's done

I hope he goes right Into podcasting Would you have him on Right now Yes Yeah of course You have to You have to

Yeah Yeah Yeah For to Yeah Yeah Yeah For sure Yeah Yeah Why not Why wouldn't he come on?

This is three hours Two and a half Three hours He's busy And I had some jokes about him He's petty He hates comedy Sure

He does not like to be made fun of I'm sure He doesn't like to be made fun of Yeah I'm sure Michelle Wolf got him on Twitter a few times Yeah She did the correspondence dinner

and he went after her but she kept right back at him and she wrote i i bet you'd be on my side if i killed a journalist yeah i saw that yeah michelle's a kill shot yeah it's a kill shot you're not gonna win yeah she's she snuffed him out with that she's great man she'll just forget it he just dropped off the face of the earth without he was done back out he was done she neutered him one tweet neutered yeah there's some people that go after him though and it doesn't work and he doesn't respond that it looks so weird it's weird when i see my aunt tweeting at him i'm like what do you think this is gonna do my aunt with 43 followers what did she say

um you were disgusting representation of this country she'll tweet this right and then i have another rant who's the other side that'll be like i believe in you keep going yeah and i just imagine him scrolling through these messages and reading these do you think he like looks at and i think he only looks at verified accounts i think he's got like if you think about how many people he follows on twitter i I think if he's wise, he doesn't see the mentions. I'll tell you right now, his biggest fans are not verified. His biggest fans do not have a blue check. They're under 100 followers.

They have dog, like his biggest fans, not just people that voted for him, the people that are still in love with him. A lot of them have dog profile pictures, like a dog that recently died. There's a lot of dead dogs floating around Facebook. Flags and a banner. The banner's an American flag. None of them have ever served in the military. Right. But they all have the flag.

They all have the flag. No one's ever served. And 43 to 48 followers. MAGA in the profile. Hashtag MAGA. Hashtag MAGA. You know, a lot of them aren't real. Do you know that?

What are they? They're Russian bots. Really? Yeah, it's real. There's a guy in Russia who's got that job trying to impersonate

my aunt on Long Island? There's a lot of people that have them. They have various accounts that they use. Interesting. There's a woman named Renee DiResta.

She's coming on the podcast soon. She did a study of this for, I forget what she did it for but she was on Sam Harris' podcast so she went in depth with it I'll send it to you

after we're done here please it's fucking amazing but they did all kinds of crazy shit like they would have like a pro-Muslim group and they would put on

a demonstration right across the street from a pro-Texas group and they would organize both of them really? yeah yeah yeah they organized

to just show discord they would organize both of them. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They organized. To just sow discord. They would organize African Americans against Hillary Clinton. Anyone but Hillary. We got to vote for Jill Stein. We got to vote for anyone. And they would, like, she doesn't represent us. This is all Russians. Yeah.

And then they would have other people that were like pro Bernie. Yeah. And then Hillary fucked over Bernie. And these were Russians as well. It's nice that our CIA will just foment coups and overthrow their leaders. Yeah. You know, it's nice that we'll just kill their people. We don't fuck with their social media.

I think we fuck with their social media, too. I'm sure we do. Listen, I'm sure we do. I'm sure there's, like, farms. I wrote off a lot of that Russian stuff as, like, people's wishful thinking, but the more and more I read about it, the more there is, like, a coordinated attempt, seemingly, to infiltrate these social media. And so Discord, yeah.

Yeah, there's 100% a real thing going on because this woman documented it. And it was also really funny. She was talking about how many of the memes that they created that were really funny. Oh, they're hilarious, probably. Yeah, and they came out of Russia. So there's a bunch of guys in a room in Moscow

creating memes. Yeah. And it's so funny. They went through KGB training or whatever it is now, FSB, and this is where they ended up. I think they just hire young people. This is the frontier of the war

against the United States. The thing is though, if they can do that and get people really upset, if they really can do it, that's a really effective strategy. It's a great strategy.

You can make things happen now. Because it's just sowing internal discord and we're going to collapse our own system. Like I wonder how many of these Jesse Smollett, is that how you say his name?

Jesse Smollett is Russian. The whole thing is Russian, Bob. He's not even real. The whole thing is Russian. Jesse Smollett doesn't exist. I wonder how many of the memes were created by Russians to try to get people upset. I bet there's a bunch. I bet there's more people stirring things up than just Americans that are upset.

No, I'm sure it's people that are... But then there's also just a lot of Americans that hate each other. There's that. Yeah. Yeah. There's that. Then you also...

What do you think happens with Jussie Smollett? His empire... Because ABC got rid of Roseanne for a tweet. You've got to get rid of this guy. Well, I thought he was getting canceled. He was getting written out, rather. That's what I read today, but yeah. I don't know.

I thought he was getting written out before. This is one of the reasons why he did it. Well, I support him if that's the case, because this is a very hard business. This is a very tough business. It is hard. It's hard to make it. I love that they had to plan that out, and he said to the two guys, he goes, listen, get a noose.

Yeah. Go get rope and do a noose. A lot of these hate crimes, first of all, hate crimes happen, and they're horrible. Yeah. But some of these hate crimes, first of all, hate crimes happen and they're horrible. Yeah. But some of these things are fake. Do you know he showed up at the hotel with the noose still around his neck holding a Subway sandwich? Just that alone.

The people at the hotel should have been like, what? What happened? That's amazing. Okay. What happened? Why are you wearing a noose? You still have the sandwich? And why are you eating at subway you're not sick to your stomach you're on empire what the hell's wrong with you wrong with subway subway's not good it's not bad if you're hungry listen i've i've clearly eaten it yeah but it

ain't great but if it's like two o'clock in the morning it's the only thing open why is it that's a great point because it's open because it's a good move to be open when nothing else is open it's a good point Get a nice Italian sub With double meat I like the Oil and vinegar Salt and pepper Meatball

With the mozzarella Or whatever And then You don't toast it You let the Hot meatballs melt the cheese Oh I agree with that Yeah

That's a good move A meatball sub Is always a good move It's always a good move Especially after Faking a hate crime After you have Faked a hate crime,

a meatball, how nervous are you after you do that? I'm such a pussy, I could never go, I could never do what he did. Some level of social,

but then I saw that actor I had dinner with the other night and I went, oh, he could do that? Yeah. Oh, these people can do it. Yeah.

Because they're on another level. Well, the other thing is that people say who would want to be a victim? Who'd want to fake being a victim? I heard that during the Kavanaugh hearing. I was like, that is a ridiculous thing to say. Because there's a lot of currency in being a victim.

In our business, it's just a lot of currency. In public today, in the world. People praise victims for coming out and they support them. You get a tremendous amount of love, especially if you're a legit victim of something of course you know i mean there's a lot to that yeah the idea that no one would do that is so that's so against it's so contrary to human nature no everyone would do it i want to do it what would you do what kind of hate crime would you fake it's a great idea i don't know if i got punched and people saw my face. They'd go, good. He deserved it.

You know what I mean? Like, no, they would look at my face and go, yeah, okay, good. I wrote, I tweeted something today. I was like, hey, I'm at Flappers on, what was it? The 26th at Flappers. There was two guys, one was Hollywood with MAGA hats. They beat me up. They poured something on me. I don't know what it was.

I think it was cum. Please cum to Farber's but I mean that's the thing listen I watched Good Morning America interview this morning and I laughed

I sent it to my buddy I go there's a moment in it when they go how did you know it was the attackers and he goes like this he goes

and you can see the insanity you can see it in his eyes he goes like this he goes I was there and he's just doing that shitty actory like just fucking shitty acting class shit that horse shit i was there and i'm like this is fucking crazy

he was going to inform on two guys if there were two white guys with mega hats who got caught oh my god they'd be in jail right now because the detective said to him we have two suspects on camera do you think it's them he's like yeah then he found out it's his two buddies and he's like well i can't testify against them he was going to testify against two people who they thought were guilty so he said that he thought it was them yeah he's yeah there's a good morning america interview of him going yeah it's those two that takes it to another level yeah then fox is like well we stand hey, he's good on the show. We stand behind him. That takes it to a completely different level.

Dude, there would be people in jail right now. He wouldn't care. Could you imagine? It's crazy. Could you imagine not just faking a hate crime, but then putting people in jail? Imagine being those two guys who are just sitting in jail like, what the fuck? You're on the cover of the New York Post. Nabbed them. Got them. Got them. And they sitting in jail like, what the fuck? You're on the cover of the New York Post. Nabbed them.

Got them. Got them. And they're sitting there like, what the fuck? And everybody wants to kick their ass. And Empire next season is all about Jussie Smollett. They fire everyone else on the show and it's just a Jussie Smollett story and two innocent people rotting. It's just the gay Tupac wandering through the streets of Empire.

That's why people in Ohio, whenever Hollywood's like, here's how to vote, they go, you know what? No. Exactly. They go, you know what? No, thank you. I see what you're doing. You fucks. Faking hate crimes.

What kind of hate crime would you fake if you were going to do it? It's a great question. If you really wanted to get ahead. It's a great question. What if someone gave you a license to fake a hate crime? What if there was a television show about faking a hate crime? You know how they do punked? Sure.

They fake things like that. How about you fake a hate crime? You know how they do like punked? Sure. They fake things like that. How about you fake a hate crime? I'd love to do something like that. True TV presents fake a hate crime. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't, I'm trying to think.

Press conference, whole deal. Maybe a halal guy would attack me in New York City, like a halal guy would attack me because he views me as a symbol of imperialism and oppression. That would be good. You know, even though I patronize his stand all the time, he still feels the need to attack. I mean, I don't know. I could never do that. No.

I'm one of those people who would get, and I would get caught. I would never think I'd get away with it. Wanting everyone to think you're a victim when nothing really happened is an insanely selfish thing. Yeah. That's an insane, like faking physical crime. Like he had to have someone punch him

or he hit himself. Yeah, these... Hit a mark on his face. These MAGA hat wearing gangs that everyone's talking about in Chicago and LA and New York do not exist. If you have a MAGA hat on at 2 a.m. in New York,

you're getting bleach poured on you. Yeah, probably. That's the reality. Well, also, like, just... He was saying that he like punched him back and like he fought back. And I love how he was like... First of all, he was saying that he, like, punched him back and, like, he fought back. And I love how he was, like, first of all, he was on camera for everything except one minute.

So they asked him, good morning, America. They go, how long was this? He's like, it felt like several minutes. But it could have been 30 seconds. Like, he's covering this span of time. In his lie, he's going, I got to say it's less than a minute because I'm only off camera for a minute. Whenever you hear about a guy, like, kills his wife and blames a black guy yeah you know there's been a bunch of those right there's been a ton of them and then you see the oj simpson for example did he blame someone who do you blame no somebody probably blamed him you think no i'm kidding

remember there was a recent one people were saying that his son did it yeah yeah my mother always believed that but again that's a weird conspiracy theory though right that's what i don't really get into yeah i don't want yeah that's those are the ones that are out there i don't really get into that i don't go near the moon i don't go near uh i'm not an oj truther are you uh a gulf of tonkin guy or operation northwood those are all true there's nothing there's nothing those are all true operation northwood is my favorite. It's crazy. Yeah.

They talked about bombing a ship. Yeah. With people on it. They were going to blow up a drone jetliner and blame it on the Cubans. Yeah. They were going to attack Guantanamo Bay, arm Cuban friendlies, and have them attack Guantanamo Bay. It's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, that was not that long ago. I know. That's why we need you back. I can't it you know what i got these are too fucking it's too exhausting i got exhausting because i would do a show and then somebody would come up to me after this show and they'd be like they'd show me a pizza menu i swear to god and they go you see that and i go no what is it they go that's the nambla symbol and And I'm like, it says garlic knots. And they're like, you got to really look at it. And I'm like, all right, I can't go the rest of my life with that.

Well, they look for it in everything. Everything's a conspiracy. And then when it comes back to you and they say, oh, Tim is involved in this. And then you go, oh, I see how this works. People just make shit up. And then they believe it. The CIA is now getting is involved in this. Right. And then you go, oh, I see how this works. People just make shit up. Yeah. And then they believe it. The CIA is now getting involved in podcasting.

Yes. With you guys. You're their first show, but they're going to get a few others on. They're deeply involved in stand-up. They've started in that world. Sort of like the Russian trolls. That's what they're doing. Deeply involved in stand-up.

I love the idea of the CIA going and watching sets and be like, who's getting passed at the store? Oh, you don't know. I have a friend of mine who thinks that the CIA started Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix. There's a book about that called Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon, written by a guy named Dave McGowan.

Yes. And I'm going to tell you right now, Joe, it's kind of interesting. I'm going to tell you it's kind of interesting. There was a lot of cult shit going on in Laurel Canyon. I'm sure. Probably about pussy. There was a lot of weird shit going on in Laurel Canyon. I'm sure. Probably about pussy. There was a lot of weird shit going on.

The CIA, the Rand Corp was all over there. There was a lot of shit happening. Well, I'm sure there was a lot of shit happening, but there is not a fucking intelligence agency in the world that can create a Jimi Hendrix. No, of course. And they're not sitting there. That book was like that they were managing the birds. Yeah.

The CIA was like, they were like, no, it's Mr. Tambourine. It was the cia was like they were like no it's mr tambourine it was like a cia guy gonna be like it's tambourine man imagine being in that time in the country when everything was just falling apart left and right around us vietnam war kent state just fucking nixon's the president it's just chaos left and right there's no internet yeah everyone's doing drugs it must have been wild it must have been amazing i mean i always think about that hunter s thompson quote about uh you know like we talked about the 60s and that in the 70s it was almost like the wave crested and then just it's crashed out from fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm a big like, I'm a Kennedy guy. I think there's something really shady with that. Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure.

And in that book there's some amazing stuff about that. Now this book that you gave me is Family of Secrets. Family of Secrets is a guy, Russ Baker, who's a legit journalist and it's been praised

by like Dan Rather and Bill Moyers. You're trying to drag me in, Brian. I'm trying to get you in. Let me tell you right now, this will get you in. I doubt it. It'll get you in. I don't have that kind of time george h did you know that george hw bush called the fbi and said that he thought he knew who the killer of

jfk was did you know that no he called him he called the fbi in houston hey he said what's up it's george george bush i'm in tyler texas and i think i know who the killer is and he informs on this guy james parrot and james parrot ended up being like one of his staffers. It was this weird cover story he kind of planted, and that came out in a memo, and there was another memo. These are declassified FBI memos, Freedom of Information Act. There was another memo that said after the assassination, J. Edgar Hoover briefed George Bush of the CIA. The problem was George Bush should not have been working for the CIA at that point. He should have been just a private citizen. So it suggested he was working

for the agency for a very long time. And he was made the director of the agency for one year after the family jewels came out, which was this whole thing where the CIA went to Congress and they admitted that they had done all these things from, you know, coups and fomenting revolutions in countries. And they made him the director for one year after that happened to make a clean break from all of the nefarious activities that the agency had been involved with. But if you take that memo to mean that he had had an existing relationship with them, he was actually just becoming the – because it made no sense to anyone. They were like, why is this guy that everyone called a lightweight becoming the head of the cia

after the cia just admitted to all these horrible things they called him a lightweight yeah they called yeah he was like i think kissinger had said to nixon kissinger said to nixon like he's lightweight he made him ambassador to china he was never a guy that had serious political capital and he's made the head of the cia and then after that memo was unearthed, people were saying, oh, he had, this was an extension of the cover-up. He was being made the director

at this very interesting time in history because he actually had worked with the agency forever and he was not at all a lightweight. He was a serious operator and he was going in there to kind of clean up and transition them into a new era.

I'm telling you. I'm already out. You're out? How are you out? I can't listen to that. It's great, though. I need current shit. I need some Julian Assange.

I need some Edward Snowden. I know the Bushes are done. I can't do the Bush anymore. I'll get an Assange book. It's not enough. I'll get an Assange book. I can't get in there. I'll dabble in the Clintons. I'll dabble in the Bush anymore. I'll get an Assange book. It's not enough. I'll get an Assange book. I can't get in there. I'll dabble in the Clintons.

If you read a chapter of this. Yeah? If you read a chapter of this. Can you give me a cookie? I don't have a cookie. And if I do, I'm taking it. But you'll be, it's very interesting and it's a well-written book because it's not reckless and sloppy.

I'll read the first chapter, I promise. Thank you. I will. Yeah. Listen, a buddy of mine gave me David Lifton's Best Evidence on the Kennedy assassination. Okay. And that got me into conspiracy theories. This is like 92-ish.

And I get it. You're at the end of the road now where you're like, this is, because a lot of people are full of shit in that world. A lot. A lot. A lot of them. And that's what people don't realize. Well, then it gets deeper and deeper and deeper and more and more preposterous. Have you ever Googled hashtag space is fake?

No, but that sounds amazing. There is a thriving space is fake community. Have you ever been in space? No, good point. Could be fake. Come back. Come back to us, Joe. Prove it, bro.

No, what is fake? Come back to us. Well, it's an extension of flat earth. It's like for people to think that flat earth is not stupid enough. It's too conservative. They go deeper. It's like it's not stupid enough. Yeah, they think for those flat earth cucks, they want to move into space.

They want to go to space is fake. Yeah yeah you want to know what's really up space is fake space is fake yeah crazy well i mean i think there are hundreds of thousands of people that think that the earth is flat hundreds of thousands educated western uh american human beings that think the earth is flat that is wild it is fucking crazy it's interesting it's a lot of people that just get educated from youtube the guardian actually had an article about it i sent it to eddie and you know eddie laughed at me see i think eddie's kind of rational in a lot of ways because i've had conspiracy talks with him about what about well yeah no the one that we had was insane a little oh he's got how the government was attacking malibu well he's the one that came up was insane a little. Oh, he's got some insane ones. He's got how the government was attacking Malibu.

Well, he's the one that came up to me about- Him and Chip and Sam were talking about that they were using direct energy weapons, and I was like, I don't know if this is- Attacking Malibu with what? I was like, why would they attack Malibu? Well, the fires? But I'm like, why would they attack Malibu? It's the rich people.

The fires started near my fucking house. They didn't even start in Malibu. They flew through the air. You know, I was one of the first evacuated. Right. These fucking theories are so stupid. It's dry as shit. Yeah. A fire hits and the winds are going crazy. Oh, did they make the wind?

They made the wind. They've always made the wind. The wind has always been the CIA. They've always made the wind. Yeah, it's fucking, it's just and there's no rest. There's no peace. I know. There's no living in the moment. It's like a constant distraction. Do you think at a certain point you go, I just don't even want to know?

Because there's horrible things going on. There's horrible things going on. Okay. What do you think is like the worst shit going on right now? Human trafficking is very bad. Yes. Horrible. Horrible.

And real. Multi-billion dollar industry. That's not Subway sandwich artists are paying for that. Right. Rich people, some of them are involved in some very bad things. Yes. And their tracks are covering their own tracks. Yeah, like that Jeffrey Epstein guy.

Yeah, all of that stuff, dude. That Clinton visited him. He's got an island somewhere. He's got a private. Anyone with an island. Yeah. And hanging out with Bill Clinton. Yeah.

If you have an island and you're hanging out with Bill Clinton, there's a problem. Where's the matas? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a crazy – all of that stuff is very disturbing. He got a sweetheart deal because he wouldn't inform on anyone that was on his plane. And now the Justice Department is looking at that again. It'll probably be fine.

They'll probably just let him, you know. Well, the guy like that, like, what – you know, I mean, how much does he know? know with a guy like that like what you know i mean how much does he know how does he knows everything stay alive because that's good he's not going to say anything he's not going to talk i wouldn't trust him if he if i was if i was on that plane i think that's the other thing about see the aversion to conspiracies is you go like nobody would people would talk the reality is people wouldn't talk if you were from a prominent family if it had been like a religion to stay silent if you had had cia training if you would these people don't talk and we know that there have been plots that have

gone unknown for a very long time including the coup in iran sure so a guy like jeffrey epstein is so involved so deep he knows he'll get killed. He won't say anything. Yeah. He's not going to say anything. Plus, he doesn't want to go to jail. He doesn't want to go to jail, and he doesn't want to say anything. He doesn't want to admit all the things that he did.

Yeah. It's weird. The child thing is the creepiest of all. It's gross, and unfortunately, it's a real thing. Yeah. So people you could talk about, there's the conspiratorial angles the bullshit but then there's the real fact there's sandusky sandusky catholic church 100 that's the problem the people that are in love with conspiracies never care about private prisons right or the catholic church and i'm like guys this is not even debatable right we're not even

debating right private prisons are ruined kids are being sold into slavery. Right. How about that judge in Pennsylvania? It's crazy. Taking underage kids and just giving them sentences, ridiculous sentences for shit. That's crazy. In exchange for money. That's not right. And now he's in jail. Yeah, there's some darkness in the world.

It's undeniable. And when something like Sandusky, when that Penn State thing comes out and you're like, wait a minute, how long was this going on for? And how people knew everyone knew how does everyone know yeah it's crazy paterno just he died quick but this is what i'm of course but i mean he must have been just destroyed but this is what i mean about people where it's like youtube's gonna like censor conspiracy theory type stuff i'm like all of those things would have been called conspiracy theories at one point. Yes. Catholic Church.

Right. Sandusky. Yeah. Abu Ghraib. They said it was a few bad apples. It was a labyrinth of torture prisons. It was a program designed by the Pentagon, CIA. It's crazy.

What is the YouTube gonna do? They're gonna censor conspiracy? Are they gonna stop recommending? I think they're gonna stop recommending conspiracy videos from what I've heard. But I was reading that thing that you were telling me about jamie this whole like porn or child porn or pedophile network you're setting up a what is this a pedophile youtube what's going on communication network they were communicating with each other in youtube comments they responded yesterday and they said that they disabled comments on tens of millions of videos and deleted a lot of accounts that were communicating in the comment section of little kids cheerleading and whatnot.

Now, were they communicating to try to share child porn or were they communicating to molest kids? I don't know in the way pedophiles communicate in their network but quite frankly i'd like you to do a little bit more work pull up an article do some due diligence on the pedophile i want you to go into the dark web burner computer for download download tour and let's get moving because we gotta figure shit out yeah you gotta get a vpn are there well that's like the fbi will take over child porn site on tour and then run it for a year like on the dark way what what is that what what's going on imagine what they see too that's a problem it is a problem

that's not good you're causing that happened in that r kelly case there's a video of him doing something with an underage girl and like i think some people at cnn it's like we've seen it but and that's led to him going it's like well what did you watch and is that legal probably is legal because you're watching another the guise of rough yeah that kind of shit is real and the fact that there's these networks of people oh yeah that are trying to you know cultivate these experiences it's crazy man but if you're a rich person you have that sick predilection you're gonna find a way to you know what they're doing like a for example okay they posted remarks that praised the girls asked whether they were wearing underwear or simply carried a string of sexually suggestive emojis about two years ago hundreds of companies pulled money from youtube over concerns

about ads showing up next to problematic content from terror or hate groups and videos that seem to endanger exploit children i think you know we've talked about this before with youtube with the issues that we've had with them they they have way too much content and way too few people. Right. There's no way they can watch all of it. And when shit like this or people are doing things in the comments, it's almost impossible to check.

Yeah. I mean, it's just... The YouTube comments are one of the rare, free-range, sort of like unchecked message boards in the world. I'm sure I'll find out later. Fucking don't read it. Don't read fat fuck don't he's not even a black belt yeah why is he here who is that don't read it yeah yeah yeah um i wonder if there's ever going to be a time where that is impossible

where like these child pedophile rings yeah they can figure out a way to snuff all that out. It's harder now than ever before, I imagine. It's very tough, and it's tough, I think, because so few people want to believe that it's a problem in the way that it is. Right. Because there's good people in the world that don't think these things are issues. Right. So I think the political will isn't there because people don't understand that it's – and then the people that are doing these things are very wealthy, powerful people and they have a lot of control and they can kind of cover their tracks.

They're all wealthy? Not all. If you're a poor pedophile, you're not going to a ring. What are you doing? You're snatching some kid. I know. It's bad. But if you're a rich pedophile, it's a nicer experience.

It's like you go on vacation versus me going on vacation're a rich pedophile, it's a nicer experience. It's like you go on vacation versus me going on vacation. You go on vacation, it's a nice experience. I go on vacation, you know, it's fine. Sandals in the Bahamas. Not even.

No? Sandals. Where are you going? A cabin or something. In the forest. Sandals. What's crazy about all this, when you're talking about

like child molesters and stuff like that, which crazy is the Catholic Church is still around and still they're catching people left and right when it's known for it. There's no more known, nothing's more synonymous with child molesting than the Catholic Church. That is the number one thing. And you were raised Catholic. I was raised Catholic. I was never molested. I was raised Catholic. You got lucky, huh. You were raised Catholic. I was raised Catholic. I was never molested.

I was raised Catholic. You got lucky, huh? I was lucky, but I was fake Catholic. I'm lapsed Catholic. We're all fake. This Catholic is fake. It's stuffed shells. It's a nice dinner.

It's five fishes once a year. No one cares. No one in a Catholic Church cares. Right. If you turn around to the guy next to you and go, is this bullshit? They'll go go shut up maybe I used to have a bit about it

yeah I don't understand suicide bombers because I was raised Catholic right and no one that's in the Catholic church believes in it that much no we like nice buildings

Catholic suicide bombers would be like you go first yeah you go first I'll be over here go ahead ready we'll do it together

ready set go why are you still here yeah it's nice architecture it's beautiful architecture it's great it's nice the ceremonies are fun go. Why are you still here? Yeah. It's nice architecture. It's beautiful architecture. It's great. It's nice. The ceremonies are fun.

I don't know what's going on in them. There's incense going around. This is the mystery of faith. Oh, good. I was talking with Burr about this recently, about church has some good qualities. And one of the things it has is it makes you feel like it's like a community thing. You sit down and you get a chance to assess yourself and your life and sort of reaffirm your moral guidance and your moral compass and there's some

there's some there's some positive things to a good church and that's how those rock and roll culty super hollywood churches get started because people say i want a church i just don't want a traditional church i want something spiritual and fun and fulfilling it's not like the church when I grew up I said to my dad why do we go here every Sunday and he went shut up

that was the answer because it was like we just go this is what we do don't want your mom to get mad but people in Hollywood and people that

want the hip work they want to be drawn to it they want it to speak to them yeah they play rock and roll music yeah it's cool religion's cool my soul is

you know and it's you know it's just a lot of horse shit but it's cool yeah religion's cool my soul is you know yeah and it's you know it's just a lot of horse shit it is fine it makes them feel good yeah my buddy's uh assistant i had a buddy of mine who's his assistant was going to one of those churches she was a nymphomaniac yeah she was trying to stop fucking everybody so she started going she started going to this church what church is that to stop fucking everyone church it's like she'll just start fucking them. Get spiritual.

She's like, I'm going to be celibate. I'm like, eh, whatever. She was one of those gals. She'd just have a couple of pops and then off to the races. Listen, you live once. Yeah. You live once. She was attractive.

She was having a good time. Yeah. I don't see the problem. What church did she go to? I don't know. This was decades ago. But it was one of them crazy rock and roll type churches. Oh, that's so funny.

You know, the Catholic, I think it's interesting people that join the Catholic religion now. Oh, that's ridiculous. Who's joining it now? Yeah. Who's going in and going, you know what? I enjoy it. I don't know who did it. You know, Glenn Beck joined the Mormons as a grown man.

Well, that makes sense. In his 40s. That makes sense. Yeah. He's a little off. Maybe he wanted nine wives. Yeah, it's probably why. Old school Mormon. Of his 40s. That makes sense. Yeah. He's a little off. Maybe he wanted nine wives. Yeah, it's probably why. Old school.

Of course. It's a huge benefit. Do you know the whole Mitt Romney story? No. You don't know? I don't know. I'm so happy to tell you. My cousin married a Mormon who they excommunicated from the church when he was like 17.

Mitt Romney's family all moved to Mexico. That's why Mitt Romney's dad could never be president. Because Mitt Romney's dad was born in Mexico. That's why Mitt Romney's dad could never be president because Mitt Romney's dad was born in Mexico because when they passed a law making polygamy illegal in the United States, they all packed up their shit and went to Mexico. Yes, because in the 1800s, it didn't fucking matter if you were in Mexico or the United States. It was all the same. You're riding a horse everywhere. Yeah, who cares? It doesn't matter.

Who gives a fuck? They're like, I could have nine wives over here. So they have these compounds. Vice did a whole series on it. Wow. They have compounds down there with armed guards. Yeah, because the cartel was fucking kidnapping them and shit. Interesting. So Mitt Romney's dad was like, you can't take nine fucking wives. Look at this.

They still have a fucking, they still have a compound down there. In the Smithsonian magazine. What is that? The Smithsonian.com. Oh, it has a story on it? Yeah, the whole Romney. The Rom that? The Smithsonian.com. Oh, it has a story on it? Yeah, the whole Romney. The Romney's Mexican history. Yeah, the whole family comes from Mexico.

That's amazing. Amazing. That's amazing. It's amazing. How diverse. I know. They went down there because they couldn't do what they wanted to do in the United States. There's no polygamy in the U.S. anymore anyway.

No, it's illegal. Interesting. Which is hilarious. Yeah, let it happen. Who cares? Here in the U.S. anymore anywhere. No. It's illegal. Interesting. Which is hilarious. Yeah, let it happen. Who cares? Here's the thing. You could have like nine girlfriends and all live together and no one could say shit. But as soon as you write it down, they'll lock you up and put you in jail.

There was a show called like Sister Wives or something. It was about people that I think they were living in the States and they had like multiple wives. Was it? Yeah. It's probably bullshit. Okay. Yeah, I don't think polygamy. Google it.

Maybe it's like legal in like Nebraska or some shit. Sorry, Nebraska. I like that Nebraska would be just a place to go, you know what? Live and let live. Yeah, live and let live. Nebraska's like we're having a hard time keeping people here, so you can just fuck anything you want. Yeah, fuck anyone you want. Marry your dog.

Marry everything. Is polygamy nationwide federally illegal? Yes, it is illegal, but I know what you're talking about where there are TV shows where people are still doing it. Also, have you successfully infiltrated a pedophile YouTube group yet? Lazy. Waiting for the tweet. So lazy. But it is crazy that his family was like, well, fuck it.

We'll just move to Mexico. Of course. You made a great point. It's the same thing. You're on a horse. Back then. He has to Rio Grande. Yeah, because I think when they made it illegal in the 1800s, look at this.

As a polygamous community crumbles, sister wives are forced from homes. This is the caliber of wife? This is interesting. That's all you get, bro. If you want nine of them, you don't get nine good ones. You either get one ten or nine ones. This is a lot of, you know, this is, you don't think of nine shitty wives. No.

You don't think of nine horrible wives. But. You don't think of nine horrible wives. But the thing is, you could have those wives, you just can't have them legally. Like, they can't be legally your wife. But you could do, like, a whole, like, roots and jump over the broom. You know, you could find some sort of. Do whatever you want. Yeah, you could make your own ceremony. Of course.

You just can't register in the courthouse. Yeah. Which is hilarious to me. Yeah. Like, who the fuck are you to tell someone that can't. How about a woman that has five husbands? Can we the courthouse. Yeah. Which is hilarious to me. Yeah. Like, who the fuck are you to tell someone they can't? How about a woman that has five husbands? Can we do that? Yeah.

Yeah. You go, girl. Yeah. Power. Power for girls. And I'm for it. I'm for polygamy. Me too.

I want to come out for it on this show. Five cucks and one woman. Yeah, who cares? They all sit around stroking their half-hard dicks, waiting their turn, crying. Perfect. That is a perfect representation of 2019 Americaica who would vote that out who would say no to that sick people someone who's a communist we need more people getting the youtube pedophile cults out yes and putting the polygamous in yeah we need priorities i feel like if you

want to marry a guy with 18 of your friends who gives a shit yeah i guess the problem is the divorce yeah isn't that the issue no money for you sorry right you're splitting it up 18 ways you're not going to get a lot right anyone with 18 of anything unless you're like a sultan you probably don't have a ton anyway unless you're jeff bezos yeah bezos well that was a he could he could marry a hundred chicks and give them all a billion kachow yeah still have 50 left over what. What? Yeah, he's doing good. He's doing good. But that whole thing with him,

that was an interesting thing. The pictures being leaked and it turns out it's the brother that leaked the pictures. I love the brother immediately as soon as I read the article because I'm like, this is a guy.

Trump supporter. Not only is he a Trump supporter, this is a guy who's tried to leverage himself forever. Yeah. And he found out his sister was fucking Jeff Bezos. Can you imagine the night he found that out the night he found that out where

was he what was he doing he was somewhere thinking this is it yeah she's fucked a lot of people that are good now she's fucking bezos now it's time to cash in now it's time to think of something good how do we do it this is a plotting guy. I wonder what the Inquirer gave him. How much money do you get for something like that? Half a mil. Bezos dick? More? I want a solid mil.

Solid mil? You think they have that kind of- Yeah, risk your life. He's going to kill you. You think he will? If he doesn't, I'll be disappointed. That's a good point. Make it look like an accident.

If you're fucking, you know, he's like Daddy like daddy warbucks yeah he's the guy he's the guy he's got 150 automated everything and amazon's like notoriously like he's an alien he looks like he's artificial intelligence he's ai yeah he has that look already he's super smart and he's gonna play it real slow yeah he'll enslave the world and you know what let him he's probably gonna hire somebody to fuck up that guy's life slowly. I'm sure he already has. Yeah, real slow. Oh, yeah.

This is your new job. Yeah. Your new job is to slowly make that guy's life shit. Audit, everything. Everything. Flat tires every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

What do you mean? I love the henchman that's going out nailing flat tires. Yeah, set up. He's got a check for cameras. That's amazing. Yeah, the Bezos is, those are the new type, because I study a lot about Rockefeller, Carnegie guys like that. And those guys, nobody's amassed the fortunes those guys had. Rockefeller had like $336 billion in today's dollars.

Good Lord. Yeah, Carnegie had $372 billion. I mean, these were the first... How much did they have in their time? Good question. Was it billions in their time? I don't know. But it was millions.

Well, I don't think it was billions. But in our time, it's over $300 million, both of them. These were the first generation of... Billion, billion. B, B, B. This was the first generation of Robert... Like the first generation of entrepreneurs.

The country was new. All of these industries were just emerging and these guys took it over. Bezos, tech is, and somebody said this on my podcast recently,

tech is the closest thing we have now to that. Yeah. Where you have these, you know, masters of the universe that are going to be, I mean,

those guys were, J.P. Morgan was like bailing the government out. Yeah. These guys had an insane amount of power. They were more powerful than political figures. When I told you I was doing this Chariots of the Gods lunch today with a bunch of very influential people.

And one of them said it's really ironic that Apple used to be think different. That was the whole thing about Silicon Valley, think different. Now it's don't think different. Right. Now it's streamline everybody into one acceptable thing. Yeah, now it is literally you have to think the way everyone else is thinking.

You have to believe what everyone else believes, even if it's ridiculous. I think a lot of that is they want to just make money and sell things and they don't want any discord. They just want to sell, make money. Sort of, but it seems like... None of this is is i don't think because they don't ban people after they do the things they ban them after there's a public

outcry so to me they're not they don't have any real values their values are tangible and the values are influenced by public opinion and and where media is the values aren't like when somebody says something let's ban them right now this goes against our thing a lot of it is if you wait until there's enough dust kicked up then they will ban somebody right that's true so to me i get in arguments with friends when they're like they're ideological i'm like they have an ideological bent certainly but they're profit-seeking enterprises that just want everyone to be happy i think if it was up to twitter every tweet would be some type of branded ad and on top of that now the ideology is skewing and leaning in that direction in terms of like tech and sure there's money in that there's money in holding that line and those guys are the ones that are as powerful as rockefeller and carnegie and jp like all of those guys they are the next

you know generation of people who will their their amount of power is unmatched anywhere in society. They're getting – they're branching out more and more. Like Amazon is now going to have an electric car. They're investing in that new – what's it called? Riven? Riven? Some new electric car company that Bezos is investing in. They're investing in space travel.

They're investing in all these different things. I mean, he's not going to get poorer. He's going to get more and more rich. No, he's going to take over everything. I mean, you can't opt out. You can't opt out of these systems. You have to be involved to live a normal life. You have to be online.

Did you see that article that someone wrote about that? No. Someone tried to go online and live their life without google amazon good luck a few other things and apple and they said they couldn't do it now ari shafir is the only one who can do it with a flip phone he's barely doing it he's on his ipad using his right okay i messages he i messages me all okay all the time yeah pretend he time. Yeah. Pretend he's fucking no smartphone. But I think I give him that. I'm impressed that he still has a flip phone.

Well, he knows that he's an addict. Yeah. He knows. And he's an honest man. Right. And he's like, fuck this. This is just too much of my life. He's right.

He'd be checking social media constantly. And also, if you're controversial like he is, a lot of people are talking talking shit to him and that would hurt his feelings and saying mean things to him and social media has gotten to the point where i'm on it all day and i'm like i'm not having any fun no it's really gotten to the point where what is this experience facebook is a nightmare it's elderly people screaming at each other this was a website where kids were trying to get laid in college this is elderly people screaming and complaining they can't afford knee operations and i'm just going like this all day yeah it's it's not you don't get a lot of bang for your buck i've dropped off radically over the last

six months the last six months i've made a giant giant shift away from uh reading things and posting things and just i'll like look look at it for a couple seconds and then I'll put it down. Are you happier? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm more engaged. I'm too fucking busy. And so when I'm trying to figure out ways

to better optimize my time, that was one of the first ones. Stop reading comments. Stop reading posts. Don't just mindlessly shift through Instagram pictures looking for something that strikes me as interesting. I just stopped doing that. And it made a big difference in my productivity.

Yeah. Huge difference. Yeah. Because you know when iPhone real recently, they started putting that thing on your phone where you see how much screen time you had? Oh, yeah. That's crazy. You look at it, you're like, what?

Five hours. Nine hours. 46 minutes. That's five hours of nothing. Yeah. What did I do? I get a little out of it, right? Like I'll find news stories that I can talk about.

But it's like finding, I found that like finding the perfect blend seems to be letting the stories get so big that they get to you anyway. Right. No, not the fringe stories, like the Jussie Smollett. It gets so big. You can't ignore it. You can't ignore it. Yeah. And then you hear, and I love the day that the day when we all found out out he was social media was great the day that we all found out he was full of shit

yeah because then everyone could make jokes right but the three days before that everyone is posturing oh so much right but then when it came out that it was all bullshit everyone was like oh let's just have fun yeah and even though it's you know i'm not saying that people aren't getting attacked and things aren't bad, but this particular thing. If you can't make a joke about this, what can you make a joke about? If you can't make a joke about it, if you think someone shouldn't joke about this, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, this is one of those things that's so- I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. It's insane. Holding the subway with the fucking noose. He just pled not guilty in court.

No, he didn't. Yes, he did. No. Jamie, he pled not guilty on everything, right? He denied all charges. He denied all... How long do I have right now? He denied all charges.

He's going to take his own life. I believe they have the check he wrote to them. He wrote a check! $3,500. Oh, he wrote a check! $3,500. He didn't even give them cash! He wrote a check! Now, here's the other, he wrote a check! $3,500. He didn't even give him cash? He wrote a check?

Now, here's the other thing. I could get punched in five minutes for free. I could get beat up so easily. Why is this guy spending $3,500? Well, not only that, why did he write a check? Do you have no friends? He didn't think this through even a little bit. Yeah.

God damn it. It's disappointing. It's kind of funny though. There's nothing funnier right now. Well, I think this is what we need. We need to understand the outrage machine a little bit better. Yeah. And one of the best ways to see it is see manufactured outrage.

Absolutely. And then you go, oh, okay, this is a hustle a little bit. Well, the Covington thing was great because people like wishing death on 15-year-old kids. Exactly. And it's like the video comes out, exonerates them then people are like no yeah people are doubling down yeah people like you can't deny what my eyes saw i'm like are you nuts and then i was afraid because i'm like tweeting things in support of the kids but i'm like what if the next video is just the kids in clan outfits like this and just dancing around with with torches like charlotte's film and i'm like well

then now i look like an idiot yeah you, you can't go on a limb. You're better off being an observer. Yeah. Just let other people get into the fray. You make a little joke, sit back. Yeah, it's like a gang fight. You're better off standing back and going, hmm, I don't want to jump in there. Because every day, every hour, another vantage point of that thing was like, well, no, maybe they are guilty.

Yeah. You know, I saw that thing. It was like a white kid. I thought they encircled a Native American guy who was banging a drum. And I'm like, fuck these kids. Exactly. That's not good. Well, you see the first image.

And, you know, the first image, which is even crazier, was put up by a troll account. Right. Russians? I don't know who the fuck it was. I don't think they know. Are all the problems Russian bombs? I think they came out of Brazil. I'm just digging into that because I saw something about it yesterday.

A few shady social media posts fed a viral firestorm over Covington Catholic and why it will happen again. Yeah. They're doing this on purpose. They took that screenshot to try to get people angry, and it worked. And then Twitter found out that it was a bullshit account, and they banned the account. So it's very possible that account was some troll farm or something. Oh, no, it's a troll farm. Wow.

Yeah. So the things we're being manipulated now on a level that is like unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. And people are furious. Dude, I hate to cut this short, but I got to get the fuck out of here. Let's do it. Tell everybody how to get a hold of you.

Tim J. Dillon on Instagram and Twitter D I L L O N Timothy Dillon comedy dot com we're doing a gig right we're doing a gig tomorrow that's right tomorrow night you're gonna be the improv 10-15 show if nobody

attacks me on the way we'll see he's gonna show up with a noose and a subway sandwich I hope I did in blackface thank you Joe thanks so much buddy I appreciate it

Tim Dillon ladies and gentlemen thank you it was a lot of fun man that was fun.