The Joe Rogan Experience - #1265 - Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

Andrew Schulz is a stand up comedian known for his work on Guy Code, The Brilliant Idiots podcast and the Amazon original series "Sneaky Pete." https://www.youtube.com/theandrewschulz

ready headphones sir oh yeah do i have to they're better lock in are we live hey andrew how you doing i'm good how are you i'm good man what's up chilling man thanks for having me thanks for being here dude of course of course hey i like what you're doing thank you i like a lot of things you're doing first of all i like that you're you decided to put all your shit on youtube yes fuck it yeah look it's hard look there's about a million fucking comedians today right there's more comedians now than ever these officers all right you don't yeah i'll lock in don't have to have them on there's like a million comedians today yeah and a lot of these companies are overwhelmed yeah no room for all these up-and-coming guys that are coming up yeah and

you know some some guys like you are really coming guys That are coming up Yeah And you know Some guys like you Are really good Thank you They're looking You know like How do you How do you get your shit out there

Well Just put it out there on YouTube Exactly that Huh Yeah I mean everybody just said no to me That was a thing So I didn't have a choice

Well a lot of people That's happening to Brian Cowan right now Right And then he just did his right Yeah I posted his thing But But he's releasing it on iTunes.

He's releasing it on all the other platforms. Right. But there's no fucking room. Yeah. It's a weird thing because I guess for me, the stand-up industry wasn't really inviting to me, even from the beginning. So a couple years ago, I filmed my own, especially when I did it in New York. And I did five clubs, and I did the cab rides in between.

And the idea was, all right, if you don't fuck with me, at least you can appreciate this part of stand-up that is being a New York guy. Did you do 15-minute sets in each place? Oh, wow, that's cool. Yeah, so I was like, if you love the game, you at least will take a look at this and maybe support this. Right. And everybody said no like

CISO said no whoa and I had a show with them like like bro it was bad like humbling you know and uh but I just believed in the project and I thought it was dope so I cut like uh I cut a 15 minute version but I'll tell you why I did it Because You can learn everything you need About stand up From asking people Who don't do stand up Really? Yeah like I ask all my friends

And just people I meet I'll be like Who you watching? You know these days And you know They'd say the names That we all know And then they'd always say this

They'd be like Yeah it was funny man But I didn't finish it Hmm Everybody said that right? And I was like Alright so it's too long Yeah

So I cut it down to 15 I did like a 15 minute version of the special. I did four clubs And I just put it right on the youtube and um It was weird. I like sold out shows that weekend in san diego and I was never a sellout guy You know, I have a few guys come out from the podcast I do and that kind of stuff But it was never like a like a sellout, you know, right and I was like, well, that's kind of weird And then I did a show in like columbus ohio you know the what is it the funny bone out there yeah a great club great club and

um i think we sold like 1600 tickets and i was like what the fuck is happening like i was never not in ohio you know and like people were coming out like i liked your thing i was like oh shit maybe people are are watching this and i started to kind of like sit back for a. I was like, oh, shit, maybe people are watching this. I started to sit back for a second. I was like, why are people watching it? Maybe it's short. I was like, all right, fuck it. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to put a joke out a week for a year. I got another 45 minutes left of the special, and I could probably produce some more stand-up. I'll just put a joke out a week. There was this singer who was doing that. He just put a song out a week there was this singer who was doing that and like he just put a song out a week his name was russ and i was like all right that's he's a worker i can i can at least control that i can outwork somebody so i'll do that and uh i put the joke out for a week and like the joke started to go and like someone would go viral and i was like yo this is crazy and people are coming out to shows and then my youtube guy hits me he goes yo something weird is happening i go what's up and he goes when people watch a clip they'll watch for two hours i go what do you mean like they'll just get lost in a wormhole and i go so wait a minute so people

aren't watching an hour of stand-up on the networks because it's too long but they're watching two hours of mine i'm, why the fuck would that happen? and We figured out that it was you made the choice When you're in control of your destiny Right, you'll invest as much time as you want. It's hitting snooze on the alarm clock. So i'll take another eight minutes I'll take another eight minutes. I won't set my alarm clock for an hour later Yeah, that would be irresponsible.

But I'll snooze, snooze, snooze. And when people make their own fucking choice, it was like, it was just crazy to see what happened, man. It's also the platform. The platform, I mean, people on their phones. Netflix told me that half the people that watch my special watch it on a phone. Of course. Absolutely. So people that are watching phones, you're on that goddamn thing all day long, and it's

way easier to flip a channel. It's way easier just, you got that remote in your hand anyway when you're sitting at home. Yeah. That's a really good point. Yeah, when you're on your phone, you're going full screen. You got to tap it, move it. And you don't know what's next.

Right. I know if I turn this channel, it's ESPN2. Exactly. I don't know if I leave this video What I'm gonna see next Yeah Yeah 100% There's a little bit of that

There's a little bit of phone addiction That contributes to a lot of views Yeah But people love fucking YouTube They love it I mean YouTube never ends You could be on it for the rest of your life And not put a dent in the content

That's on there Yeah I mean It's space Yeah especially if you have like Me I got a lot of weird interests Like you look at like What it suggests for me

Yeah It's like shit on the cosmos Muscle cars Professional pool matches MMA Yeah It's chaos Yeah

Archery It's all elk hunting and shit It's crazy Like I could Never leave my fucking house Just sit with my phone Plugged in the wall And just

Numb my brain And it'll keep suggesting shit to you right Oh yeah And you're like yeah i do want to check that out as soon as they did that i i saw this when back when there was no suggestions remember those days of course the dark days yeah as soon as they started suggesting shit i was like oh my god that's a that's a game changer yeah and then the next video just automatically plays like oh you got us so yeah so it's over it's like it's just right there you have all your access points to it you know i mean that that was the beauty of it i found it's like you know with a special your fate you're you're maybe the best joke that you have on your special to someone else

is 33 minutes in right so that guy's gotta wait 33 minutes hoping you're gonna hit that joke right on youtube like if i had your special and i cut it up to jokes on youtube what topic not you know everything under an umbrella you know and you have an access point here you have let's say six different access points with the new special i have out now right it's it's six different pieces so it's a different access point every single time some people might come for a trump joke some people might come for a tranny joke it doesn't matter right so it's not the situation where you have to go okay maybe i hit 37 minutes in this bit that i love no you're gonna get that bit right away and then you're gonna go back to the beginning and go okay i'm gonna watch this all the way through

it's the music model like for me i didn't anything. I just stole it from music. Right. It's like musicians put out a single for a reason. Yeah. I kind of, I'd like that if you're thinking about marketing. Yes. Complete, complete. Like you and I are in way different places with standup, right? Like you're one of the most famous people in the world, right? So you don't need to find new people to see you.

People are going to watch your standup because they're like, all right, I have an intimate relationship with this guy. I listen to him eight hours a week, and I just want to see his stand-up. I'm still in marketing phase. I'm like, how can I get new people to see me? There's five people that should have comedy specials now. That's more than that. There's five. Hey, send Jeff out to get lighters.

Tell him to go get some lighters. You, Rock, Chappelle, Loulle louis burr that's it everybody else should be an acquisition face why i don't know about that man i don't buy into that i don't first of all i don't think that way i never worry about what other people are doing i just don't i don't think about it and then two all i concentrate on is doing my best shit that's it right and once i got to a point where i was successful enough where i didn't have to worry about money it was a huge relief and honestly i think i started doing my best work of course because then i wasn't thinking i didn't have any resources that were dialed into how do i promote

this and how do i get that going All my resources like This bit needs something more I gotta figure out How to really sell that I gotta put Maybe if I switched it around And so it's all about alchemy Yeah You know

It's all about adding shit Yeah yeah And trying to make gold Yeah All I'm doing is like Stirring in the lab Trying to make gold Cause you love creating though

Yeah well I don't have There's no thoughts On marketing now But that's You found out you love creating Yeah for sure I've always loved creating But Well, I don't have, there's no thoughts on marketing now. But that's, you found out you love creating. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I've always loved creating.

But people don't, some people don't know that. Like some, I feel like success teaches you exactly what you wanted. Like these people who blow up with standup and never do it again. Yeah. They never wanted to be a standup. Right, right, right. Right. It's like, if you blow up and all you're thinking about is how do I make this toe knuckle hair

joke better? Right, right. You love the game. Yeah. You're like, I don't know, the greatest thing that ever happened for me was I stopped desiring things I couldn't control. Right? Like I realized, oh, I don't care about a special on HBO or Netflix. I just wanted people to see it.

And if they see it and 10 people see it that's cool because i just loved making it and if a million people see it that's also cool but if anybody sees it it's gratitude right you see what i'm saying like before i was just this void like so many so much of us are like comics i was just like trying to fill up you know like i'm sure you get you know people asking to be on the show and all that shit on it all the time and like it's just comics trying to take fill themselves. And I was an entitled little fucking brat probably. Why don't I have a special?

Why don't I have this shit? There's a lot of that going on. It's useless, bro. But I couldn't. You know how every rich person goes, money doesn't make you happy, and every poor person is like, man, when I'm rich, I'm going to be happy? Yeah. I feel like it's like that.

I needed to get a certain amount of success for me to realize, man, I just love making these things. Yeah. Everybody does. Everybody does. And if you don't, I mean, you're either blessed or stupid. Like one of those things. It's either you're this guy that's just pure

or a woman who's pure right from the jump, and you're just all about creating. But it's really just about, you know, I was talking to Shab about it. Love Shab. Shab's a brainer. That we were at the comedy store. We were about to go on stage. I'm like, how fun is killing?

Killing's the most fun. I don't understand how people could quit this. Yeah. You quit doing comedy, man. How do you, why would you quit? I'm like, out of all the shit that I do, if they said

you could only do one, I'd be like, comedy. It's not a question. Everything else I could just pretend I'm doing. You know, whether it's UFC commentary,

I just sit at home and watch TV and just talk about what someone's supposed to be doing. You can't fake it. Right. Can't fake comedy. You can fake

literally everything else. Everything else. You can't fake killing. Yeah, you and i could have the same fucking conversation we probably would if there was no cameras no exactly if you and i were just chilling in the main room green room with the comedy store we probably have the same conversation facts 100 yeah but when you go up there that is a that is a precision art form that requires calculation and also zen like smoothness and alpha flow you got to be in the zone you got to be in that flow state yep you got to be happy yeah but you also got to be focused you'll be having a good time but concentrating on these people and and projecting to them and you want them to have a good time

you know the whole deal is one of the best things about this job is you're making people feel good. Yes. They're coming out of their house to see you and they come out of there feeling better. They have a good time. Yeah. If everything goes right, they feel better. And my mom said the exact same thing. She's like, you're very lucky.

You get to make people feel good for a living. You have an ethical job. Yes. How rare is that? Imagine you're one of these insurance guys that has to tell people they can't get their bills paid from their car accident because it was their fault. Or imagine if you're one of those big tobacco guys. You're driving around at Rolls Royce knowing that someone's on an iron lung somewhere.

Yeah. Jamie, where's the lighter? Knowing someone's drowning in their own fluid. Yeah, you feel like shit. And you just fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. Dude, it's the best. It's like, it's bullfighting.

Yeah. That's what we do. My buddy said it so well. He's like, because people used to always make the boxing analogy And I hated that Because I used to box a little bit And like I never at all felt That it was similar

Like I've never heard a boxer go Yeah this is just like stand up It is like a martial art In that the truth is what works I'll go on that Because in martial arts, particularly in martial arts, not just in boxing, but boxing is a martial art. But the only stuff that works is the stuff that works. And if you hit a guy and he goes unconscious, it doesn't matter.

One of the things that I used to like about fighting was that everybody could hate me. And I didn't care. I didn't care because when I Got in there I'm like I knew that I was Going to fuck that guy up It doesn't matter What his friends think It doesn't matter

How loud His parents cheer I'm going to kick That dude in his head And I'm going to Separate him From his consciousness And that's just

Going to happen And there's nothing And you can hate me All day long It doesn't matter But then I had to Switch gears 100%

Into comedy And I thought They were so different And then I realized Because in comedy you have to get the people to like you You can't just have these ideas and be unlikable Can't you get them to respect you? Yeah, but they gotta like you

I mean you can get them to respect But even respect is liking you Like you have to be Someone can say one thing Like the late great Brody Stevens who just passed If you looked at Brody's material on paper, some of it wasn't funny. And when you looked at it in real life, it was some of my best material that I ever saw anybody do. Because Brody's personality was so likable and he was so funny on stage that you just wanted to laugh at him.

He figured out how yeah it's yeah and when i was starting out i didn't have that i was i couldn't i didn't i had a hard time making that switch then once i get better it's i got better at stand-up i realized like oh there's it's so similar because either it's funny or it's not funny like either it works or it doesn't work and your job is not like some comics get they get caught up in their image they get caught up in how they want the audience to think of them and they dress a certain way on purpose because they want to project this image and they'll even say things on stage that are kind of gross yeah that they're they're only saying it because they

want the audience to think they're cool right and it gives you a little like ew but maybe they're good enough so that you see it not everybody yeah it is authenticity illuminates all those comics can't follow a real comic right have you ever noticed this like when you see someone who's being truthful he might not even be as funny he might not be killing as hard but it's so authentic That when the comic comes next It feels like they're reading jokes off a paper Right Right And it's

Our bodies are keyed into Like comedy's reptilian If you do it right Right You know like a lot of times People ask like Why like old women can laugh at the same jokes That I'm telling

That like these young people can laugh at And then My response is always It's not their choice Like I'm not Telling your jokes to can laugh at. And then my response is always it's not their choice. Like I'm not telling your jokes to your choice. Like the Daily Show Trevor Noah is jokes about how you want the world to be. Right. I'm telling you jokes about how you deep down feel it is.

I'm going at your gut. It's reptile shit. Yeah. So it's like if it's in here already. Right. You're going to laugh regardless how old you are. Regardless of how you were raised. This is how you feel.

And I think it's why you guys love Diaz so much. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like, he doesn't know how to not be himself. Right. He's like, what is he? Latin? What kind of Latin is he?

He's a Cuban Larry David. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's just like, what is larry david the whole show is what if someone was authentic 24 hours a day right what was patrice raw authenticity 24 hours a day and we're drawn to that in its worst form in its best form yeah but we're fucking drawn to that and like there's something beautiful that like that's why i always use the bullfighter analogy It's like the bull for me

Is the premise It's not the crowd The crowd is still the crowd It's like how close can I get to this dangerous premise And I don't want to box with it I want to dance with it I want it to put his nose up against my nose And then I want to skewer it

But before I skewer it i want to fucking do that shit where i click my heels and i do the little cape and i want to entertain the fuck out of the crowd right with this dangerous substance you know it's like that's what the fuck we do that's why we roll our eyes when we see the pandering shit we're like right what are you wasting this for exactly it's a fucking superpower well i think we're in this weird time period you know there's an ebb and a flow to comedy and right now it's a fucking superpower well i think we're in this weird time period you know there's an ebb and a flow to comedy and right now it's the weirdest ebb because right now you have this weird comedy that it's people are saying things that they want the crowd to hear

rather than saying things that are funny. They're saying things to hit all these checkpoints of progressive thinking. As a cis white male, I believe. I don't say that word. I mean, it's like. That shit ain't real. It's not real. Like the special I have out now is called Views from the Cis. Yeah.

It's a play off a Drake album called Views from the Cis. But the idea is just like, yeah, these are straight guy views. Yeah. This is what the world needs right now. Well, you know, the world needs authenticity. Yes. Whether it's authenticity from a trans person or authenticity from a straight guy. The world needs someone to go out there and say what the fuck they really think and have a well-measured take on things.

And that's what I see you're doing what you're doing is you're you're going out there you're expressing yourself and the great thing about being turned down by all these platforms is they can't censor you yes they're not gonna tell you hey andrew we really like you but um tranny we can't have trant you can't say that on our network why not and then they go well i was like how come you can say cabbie but you can't have tran you can't say that on our network why not and then they go well i was like how come you can say cabbie but you can't say tranny granny yeah granny the joke i have is transgender tranny grandmother granny it's yeah how is this bad right what is happening where it's kind of cute bro it's we do it out of love yeah if we shorten something and add a y it's affectionate sort of what's not uh

oh you pull your hammy talking shit to someone and call them shorty hey fucking shorty ready yeah that's longer shorty is longer yeah if you add that's why blackie's wrong right right so it's like the logic is there it It's impenetrable, right? Sort of. Yeah. What about Japs? What about it? That's not good.

But Jappy's cute. Oh, you're talking about Jews? Are you talking about? No, Japanese people. Oh. You call them the Japs. Yeah, Japs. That's how the World War II people.

Yeah. Why is that bad? Well, it's bad because that's how the soldiers used to talk about them and the people used to talk about them during World War II when they were at war with them. So here's my question. What if somebody was like, you know who has one of the most refined cultures and delicious cuisine that I've ever experienced? These Japs.

That's right. It's not bad. You can't say that. You can't say that. You know who dances the best? The Spicks. Well, these Spicks be dancing, bro. They dance their ass off. dancing bro what are you gonna disagree with that they can fucking dance isn't it intention right like it's like intent yes it's intent right it's like

so i was talking to this there was a um there there was a there's a trans chick that got upset at the joke and she was like you know she basically said to me she's like how you know you probably wouldn't like it too if as you were walking home at night someone called you tranny and then threw a bottle at you and i was like i'm out respond to you know the negative comments but all i'm thinking is if you were walking home at night and someone said transgender and then threw a bottle at you i think it'd be equally upsetting yeah right it's not what the word is it's like there are certain words that are made to make you feel bad the n-word is made specifically to make you feel bad unless you're a black guy and you're using it with your friends right and even then

it is like you can use it however you want but the designation of the word right is to make you feel bad that's what it's designed for That's what it was Designed for But I think black people Have successfully Taken a word That was negative

And empowered it Sure To the point where It's laughing Fun Absolutely They're having good times And bad times

And you could use it To describe a powerful person Yeah You could use it To describe an amazing artist An amazing athlete Yeah yeah You could use it In all the ways an amazing athlete yeah you could use it

in all the ways yeah it is the most fluid word it's unbelievable it's an incredible word in terms of like its ability to be used on in it's almost like the word fuck right like you could stub your toe and fuck or you could see a ferrari go fuck Yeah. Do you know in Brazilian, it's the word come they use for that? Wait, what? Yeah. It's poha. Poha. Okay.

So like, you know, like someone will catch a guy in a choke and go, poha! Like, that's a good thing. Or you fuck up yourself. You're like, ah, poha. I forgot my keys. In Spanish they say puta madre. Yeah. Which means like mother bitch.

But it's like, it could be a good thing. Puta madre Yeah Which means like Mother bitch But it's like It could be a good thing Puta madre But that makes sense Like mother bitch God damn it But come Doesn't even make any sense

Like I was trying to But the feeling of it When you come It's like That is the sensation Like that was so good Watching you do that Almost felt like me nutting

And it could be bad In that like Your dick tricked you Into fucking this girl You've been trying to avoid And then you come And you're like Fuck That is felt like me nutting and it could be bad in that like your dick tricked you and the fuck in this girl you've been trying to avoid and then you come and you're like that is there's regret what everybody ever women will never understand post-nut syndrome i do not think post-nut syndrome because this is something exclusive to us yes well like i don't know i like you until i come yeah that's true right yeah yeah you do not know and it's and that's why

it's so fucked up like when you know women think we're fuck boys or pieces of shit as dudes it's like you don't get it i think i like you right everything i'm saying to you i believe right and my dick is just like yeah we're gonna find out you know what i mean we're gonna see and there are times where you're not and it's, damn. Yeah. You realize you made a mistake, especially if the woman is really into you and you're really not into her and you're like, oh, I made an error. And then you do feel like an asshole. Yeah. But if you say that to them, they're like, yeah, I'm a fucking asshole.

I'm like, I'm just being honest with you. Biology. I got tricked by genetics. Yeah. Why can't that be my biology? Why can't I feel? So for women, let me explain what this is like. Yeah.

You have this. It's like finding out your for women, let me explain what this is like. You have this. It's like finding out your guy was poor. This is what it's like. This is how I describe it. Having an erection and getting excited is like sitting in the backseat of a really long bus. And there's some other guy up there driving the bus. Most of the time, you're driving the bus. Not when your dick is hard.

When your dick is hard, there's some other guy driving the bus. And all the windows are rolled down. There's papers flying around. The horn's honking. And you're looking at life taking place through a dirty windshield 100 feet away from you. And you're like, do you even know where the fuck you're going? We passed the stop. And your dick's like, just shut the fuck up and calm down.

I got this. Shut the fuck up and calm down. I got this. And then when you come, all of a sudden, the fog parts and you're at the front of the bus holding the wheel. And you're like, what? What am I doing here? How did I get here? Ah!

And you look down at your dick. You motherfucker. Bro, it's being a werewolf. Yeah. It is being a werewolf. Right? Like, isn't that what it's a metaphor for? Oh, yeah.

You're this ravenous creature. You're running around doing crazy shit. And then you wake up in the morning naked. You're like. Terrified. Covered in blood. Yeah. Well.

Fuck. Sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. God damn it. What did I do? What did I do? Well, I got to turn myself in.

Yeah. It's terrible. But that's one of the reasons why, you know, it's so hilarious when you see someone who is a stereotypical male feminist. Because, you know, they barely have enough testosterone to keep their heart beating. And they probably don't get post-nut syndrome because they just want everyone to love them. Yeah. And they're in this weird state of, you know, Benedict Arnold. They're being a gender traitor.

I mean, that's really what's going on. It's a lot of what it is There are men that want women to be Valued Try to get pussy man That's what they do It's a hustle There's men that want women

To have all the same All the same opportunities Right Equality And they want They want to value them as human beings And that's all real That is real

But There's way more Sne sneaky weak fucks that are pretending they think like this because they know that women go good good you're on our side you're an ally come over here ally yeah you're a male ally and they're always these like weaselly little dudes with tiny hands and even if they're big they, they're awkward, and they've had a hard time with women. And so they just shit on these men who they feel they're in competition with. It's a complete hater move. Absolutely.

You see it in everything. You see it in comedy. It's like, oh, I can't do that type of comedy, so I'm going to make that comedy radioactive so that this is the only type of comedy that's allowed. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Hey, that this is the only type of comedy that's allowed yeah you know what i'm saying hey that comedy is so for example like it doesn't have to be comedy it could really be any kind of situation it's like you're just trying to carve out the market share right like oh that comedy's dirty that's edgy that's sexist that's bigoted censor it censor it all that saying is i don't

want to compete with pussy with with those guys it's a little bit of that, but it's also like the same thing you see with the right versus the left. There's a lot of people online from each side that want to censor the opinions of the other people. For sure. Instead of having a better opinion. Yeah, that's a power grab. They want to shut that opinion off. Exactly. And when they don't have a better opinion, they just make

you radioactive so they don't even have to talk to you. You're racist. Hey, Joe Rogan, you're racist. What do you mean? Let's talk about it. You're like, I don't even have to talk to you yeah you're racist yeah hey joe rogan you're racist you're like what do you mean let's talk about you're like i don't talk to races yeah oh that was clever what you did yeah you see what i'm saying like i went through that like the second i had an opinion that went against the grain immediately i'm labeled as something that they don't even have to have a dialogue with right they just shut you down boom yeah oh you're a white supremacist exactly oh you're alt-right yes oh. Oh, you're this. You're that. Yeah. It's a simple, weak way to end a conversation. But all it does is it only works.

It's like a magic trick. It only works if you don't know what they're trying to do. So what percentage of the population knows it, right? That's the question I've been trying to wrap my head around is like like you and i can sit here and and see this all day but i think most people are seeking confirmation not information right i think most people like they start out their day going i feel this way it could be right left central it doesn't matter and then they're seeking out information that confirms that right you know what there's a parallel to that with what we were talking about with stand-up comedy in your career because the reason why those people seek out confirmation

rather than information is because they're insecure they're not at a good place yes but once you're in a good place like everything feels good like say if you're in a good relationship and you know you have a good woman in your life and you're happy and everything's going well then you see a lot of things for what they are versus if you're in the hunt you're trying to get people to love you you know what i mean you don't have any excess it's like i mean this is a weird like segue to it but like i i tried molly i've never did a lot of drugs but i tried molly at burning man right and um it was the first time that i experienced maybe outside of like comedy,

but first time I experienced having like extra love. Yeah. Right? So instead of operating on a deficit and like trying to make you laugh, so I filled a void, or like trying to say something interesting, so I filled a void, I had extra.

And what I did with the extra, without even realizing it, is I called my closest friends and my parents, and I just told them how special they were. Now, I didn't realize that until years later that that's what you do with excess. Yeah. Right? So how do I get to excess without drugs, right?

The question for me was also how do I find fulfillment in shit that is not in other people's hands? So much, like when we were talking to the comedy store, like what I fucking love about the LA scene right now is that comics have control of it, right? So it's like comics are pushing the comedy culture right now and it's because they're empowered. You guys have money. You guys have sustainability with your fans. You're not going,

am I going to get another pilot with Comedy Central? Am I going to get- That's how it used to be here. Of course. When the industry ran it, comedy sucked. You guys are talking about fucking unicycles and shit, right? And that's why, no, it's true. And look, we would come out from New York and we would come out and we'd be kind of disillusioned with the comedy scene back here.

And maybe that was like some New York, West Coast, East Coast beef or whatever. C-scopes, beef or whatever. But what's funny is how the ecosystem always balances itself. Because as soft as comedy was out here, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this show called Roast Battle pops up. Right? This is the hardest show. The hardest show. Bro.

Like, wild. It's so wild. Insane. But here's a perfect example. Comedy Central took that and they half-watered it. Of course. They cut it like they would sell cocaine. Yeah. Right.

You're not getting a pure. No. You're not getting it from Columbia. Not even remotely. They took all the juicy stuff out. Took the authenticity right out. But it was real for a minute. You can go there still on Tuesday night and that place gets fucking wild.

I get sad. What do you mean? I feel sad for some people that get toasted up there. I saw a joke There was some kid Who's not retarded But what is it? Cerebral palsy

Yeah yeah And And he's up there With his palsy And the other guy goes He goes He goes You look like your arms

Drew your legs Oh Jesus Christ Bro I fucking howled Dude We were fucking He's up there Fucking shaking So fucked up You know what I mean? Oh my god Oh, Jesus Christ. Bro, I fucking howled, dude. We were fucking, he's up there fucking shaking.

It's so fucked up. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. He said, it looks like someone put your body in a blender. No, it looks like someone put your voodoo doll in a blender. Oh, my God. Bro, it was so ruthless, but that's what it needed to balance the system. Right? Well, it definitely helped.

You know, there's a bunch of factors, but what roast battles, first of all, there's good things and bad things about, first of all, Brian Moses, the guy who hosts it, is one of the nicest guys on the planet Earth, and that helps. And then also he says, you know, never gets physical, at the end we all hug.

Like, there's good in that. Of course. You know, and then when people go after each other, like, there's a guilty pleasure to it that doesn't exist anymore. It's like there's good in that. Of course. You know, and then when people go after each other, like, there's a guilty pleasure to it that doesn't exist anymore. It's like there's a guilty pleasure to that kind of humor. It's very hard to get. If you're a fan of that kind of fucking vicious, awful comedy, it's very difficult to get anymore because people don't roast each other anymore. No, they're afraid. Yeah, they're afraid.

And they're soft. Like, these kids are soft, man and it's we gotta stop blaming kids we just gotta start blaming parents like my parents were hard maybe my mom's an immigrant maybe that's what it is she's scottish but like my parents were tough like my mom let me punch my brother in the face once because he like pulled my backpack or something like i remember like he like pulled my back i was like mom he pulled my backpack can i just punch him she's like once she just let me punch him right and it was like for her when she grew up that's what brothers did yeah and like people always do you know i know you have some guys come on the show and they talk about how like it's happening at the college level

like we're entitling these kids it's like no it's happening in elementary school it's when these kids what happened my boy marco pointed this out to me both his parents are teachers in rhode island he's like what happens is these these fucking kids complain about their teacher in school right and when you and i were in school our parents would go well yeah sometimes your teacher don't like you so figure it out yeah and now these kids go well mom dad the teacher doesn't like me well let's switch you out of this school let's switch your teacher let's get your teacher fired so they start thinking the world bends around them right yeah and then now this shit with the colleges it's like i can't get into usc he's like oh don't worry we'll

figure out how to get you into usc that that college thing is nuts. But we'll get to that. But I want to know, what do you think is the root of the softness? Like, what is the shift? Why? What's the shift? I know exactly what it is. You know when power is taken,

it's not given, it's taken. You have to take it. You have to rip it out of somebody's fucking hands power, right? Yeah, and After you take power out of someone's hands, that's the last thing you take It's give right if you have the right constitution, you have the right constitution for power. What have you done with your power? you've Uplifted a comedy scene You've you do these shows or you host them at the improv right that's not

for you right that's for comedy okay you're hosting shows at these different places you can sell out arenas but you're choosing to do shows in this city i'm assuming because you understand the value of giving you're operating with excess in your heart a little bit of that but honestly the shows are for me to work out yeah to work out but you could do an hour you don't have to put other comics on it. Yeah, that's true. You don't have to say, Schultz, can you come and do the show tonight? You know what I mean?

At the Improv on Hollywood. Yeah, which is sold out. I already sold out. I was about to try to help promote, and I was like, does he need me to help? But it's like, so what happens is,

if you have the right constitution for power, you take, and then you provide for your people. You give back. It certainly helps. It helps you. Dude, people don't realize like how helping is addictive? Yeah, that's we can get to that in a little bit. But like once you realize the value you get from giving

As long as it's the right person. Yeah, then you just can't wait. Yeah It's a truck and think that you should keep it all to yourself because when you keep it all yourself you feel like shit Yeah, you're a piece of shit Then you become that weird old miser that lives in the mansion on the top of the hill and no one can talk to him and you're miserable

yeah and you can't go anywhere no it sucks and everybody looks at you like oh it's that guy he's got all that money I gotta figure out how to get his money who do you want to be

you want to be Ali yeah Ali walks around any neighborhood he wants well I mean he's dead but when he did no security now he can knock anybody out

but at the same time if he just goes hey guys give me a second i knew when he was older and he could barely walk he would just go everywhere anywhere you want people loved him because they recognize man we want to follow but we want to follow the worthy so we'll test worthiness yeah you know what i'm saying so what happened why these kids are so soft is the king takes power and then raises a bitch ass son because he never had to take shit. Right. Right?

And he doesn't want his son to go through what he went through. Right? He's like, you know how hard it was to take this power? I got one foot. You know what I mean? I lost a foot in a power struggle. And now this son, everything's given to him. It's like the spoiled prince in every movie.

You hate that fucking prince. So I think the generation that's raising kids right now spoiled princes the generation before that vietnam right you know i'm saying like they understood sacrifice war yeah they understood the investment in the country and then the generation that came next was just handed shit yeah hey everything's good we're not oh we're not going to oh war is just handled over there I don't got to get drafted Yes It's like No I almost think We should all be part of it bro

It's like a regret of mine That I didn't Do some sort of service Because It's like How you complain at all About the country That you didn't put your life

On the line for There's a lot of countries That have mandatory service Yeah And they have extreme levels Of patriotism And It's investment Yeah Like South Korea For example that have mandatory service and they have extreme levels of patriotism. It's infestment.

Yeah, like South Korea, for example, they took Dong Young Kim. Was it? Yeah. No. Who was it? Sansun Jung.

That's who it was. The Korean zombie. That's right. That's right. He took him out of his prime and he had to do two years of service In the Korean army David Robinson Basketball player

Had to do that in Navy time Really? Yo Yeah Like you understand Because we're so detached And I don't hate on people For not realizing it

Because we are detached It's what we do Like little You know Some child slaves Make the iPhone And you know We're like

I just go You can only really be connected to what's in your world direct world i'm cool that's life it is what it is there's really no good or bad things just are you know what i mean so it's like that's something to get to but it is what it is right they were trying to do an ethical phone remember that phone what was that phone called again they were they were they were putting together some ethical android phone man come on fair phone yeah it wasn't fair nobody bought it fuck that shit was expensive i don't think it's more expensive they have a fair phone too pull that bitch up let's see what we got let's see if it could fuck with i'm trying to get off the apple

tit i told you i got this galaxy note you're gonna come back bro look how big that don't you're gonna come back bro look how beautiful Look how big that is. Don't say that, bro. You're going to come back, bro. Look how beautiful that screen is. Look at this. Oh, swipe up. Yeah, but that shit is. Look at everything. It's always freezing.

The picture's all pixelated and shit. No, that's not true. That's not true. Come on, bro. I got a pen. This has a pen. A modular phone that's built to last. What does that mean?

That you can attach it to it? A modular phone that's built to last. Oh, yeah. So you could add little things. Oh, that's built to last oh yeah so you could add little things yeah oh that's gonna break definitely that can't be waterproof it says batteries are those batteries you can replace the battery yeah that's ridiculous remember when you used to be able to replace batteries you should pop out the back of your phone batteries i had a samsung galaxy like seven or some shit remove Remove a little battery. Android 7. This motherfucker's

got Android 9. You need to catch the fuck up. What else? Fair materials? Look, there's a white lady in the front. How fair? Three black guys who are working for her. What the fuck is fair about that picture? If you're going to have fair materials, how about you have white

guys in their 50s working in a factory and not Chinese babies? Yo. Right? What the fuck is this? We do have to acknowledge, though, that like. Do you know what I mean? Yo. I mean, make it fair.

Make all these people who want to buy iPhones and you want to have your iPhone built by some Asian slave. How about you work for a year in a factory? It's like the army. You want an iPhone? Put the time in. Right. But we should acknowledge that white women really kind of are superheroes in that way.

White women? Yeah. How so? Because they're the only people who care about the environment. They're the only people who care about animals. The only people who build wells in Africa. No. My friend Justin Wren builds wells in the Congo.

He's a Six foot three Tranny He's a He's a Bellator Fucking top ten heavyweight Ask him Who's Who are people helping him

It's Rebecca Katie No no no Phyllis No no no Phyllis might be too old He's got a lot of women That do work for him

But a lot of men That work for him too White women love this shit bro White women They fucking They're getting it hard right now Cause I think they're tired of coming at white men so they're looking for the next you know when the grease is boiling you gotta throw someone in it but like when you want to talk about humanitarians right like who gets fucked by more races than white women true

like this is really true true except who gets the short end of the stick there? Is that a penis-sized joke? No. Asian women. No, I'm joking. I was saying Asian men. Asian men probably fuck the smallest percentage of different races. Right.

Yes. In America, at least. Yes. I don't know how they rock it in other countries. 100%. Yeah, yeah. They do the- Yeah, I think they have some Tinder.

They did some Tinder study That showed that That is a weird thing Yeah Cause to Asian women No problem at all But to other Ethnicities It's weird that it's not

Made to size Right How so Like Like you would think That it's made to size Like Lego Like little tiny women

Would be into No just like vagina Would be like You know I've never I've never felt that like Asian pussy was that much smaller than like black pussy. I've done research, you know, I have empirical evidence, you know. Yeah.

Well, you know, this doesn't make 100% sense. Okay. But I've met girls that were tiny that you could not fuck hard enough. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. They just open up. Yeah. But not just that.

It's just like they want it like that. They want savage. They want to get fucking smashed. Why do you think that is? Because I think they realize that they're tiny. They have small genes. So they want to get savage genetics inside them so they have survivor children. I really believe that.

I think it only makes sense. Some of the horniest girls I've ever dated in my life weigh about 104 pounds. And these big brand of tarts chicks want it real soft? No, they want to fuck you up too. Because they know that those other little girls are fucking giant dudes and they're going to make a normal-sized kid

and they're going to keep going. It's a never-ending battle for genetics. Dude, it really is fucked. Oh going to keep going. It's a never ending battle for genetics. Dude, it really, it is fucked. Oh, it's 100%. It's a never ending battle of genetics. So then why are these girls fucking these like beta dudes, man? They're not. That's a thing.

They do it for a little while. They barely fuck them. They always say they have headaches. Listen, I know a lot of beta dudes. Who has headaches? The dudes have headaches? The girl does. Like, I can't.

I have a headache. I go to sleep. Yeah. They don't want to fuck the guys. Dude, I had a friend of mine who was dating a guy like that. Right. And she goes, I really like him. I just do not want to fuck him.

Yeah. I was like, wow. Because why would you? I was like, that is rough. Yeah, but why would you? I'm like, what are you going to do? Just don't fuck him. Dude, it's insane, man.

It's like, I see this all the time. Like, these, like, hardcore, perceivably hardcore feminist chicks. Yeah. You know, they'll hear my comedy, which could be the opposite of that. Right. And they're in the DMs. Right. Saying, I don't know why I'm here.

I swear to God. I swear to God, bro. Like it's a trap house. Exactly. It's like, dude, what is happening? It's like. Because I think feminism in general is a direct result of a failure by men to be fair and by a failure by men to be actual men and to raise actual men who treat everybody with

respect. When men are abusing women, men are bullies they're they're weak men the kind of man that would do that to a woman that would like physically abuse a woman that's a weak man right right that's the type of man that would beat up a smaller man or take someone from someone with force it's insecure he needs to feel powerful he's a bitch yeah he's a bitch right the the antidote for that is to be a strong man. Right. Like, one of the things I've been telling people, like, this is how you fix bullying

in school. Okay. Teach them how to fight. Not the bullies. I mean, not just the victims, but the bullies themselves. Teach everyone how to fight. When they feel confidence that they can defend themselves, they don't have to. You know what's the nicest fucking people in the world?

Yeah. Martial artists. You go and go to martial arts gyms. Go to a jiu-jitsu gym. I'll take you. They're the fucking nicest people. Everybody's hugging everybody and friendly. And they're going to choke each other half to death in about five minutes.

And before that, they're all fun, happy, playful. They're so secure. And outside of there, they're so secure and relaxed. They're a different type of person. Obviously, not all of them. I mean, there's people who are weird. For the most part yeah we vary wildly right but almost always to a human the mean ones whether it's mean women or mean when men are weak yeah they're weak the mean women women will tell you this yes they work at an office yeah and they've got a female boss that's a cunt yeah that is one

of the worst fucking because you can't even fuck her. There's nothing you can do. Nothing you can do to make that bitch happy. She wants to take from you. She wants to squeeze your blood. At least if you're cute and your boss is disgusting and he's a fucking asshole, you could flirt with him a little bit

and you could maybe get him to like you more. Don't do it. Obviously don't do that. But with a female boss, you have to have a personality you can't do shit shocking what the female boss not even that a lot of women don't like women right one of the things that i love more than anything yeah is when i talk to women and they'll do this thing where they look around to make sure no one's looking no one's around and i go look i would never say this publicly but some bitches are fucking crazy. That's what we do with like racist shit.

Didn't Burr have that bit about like, you look around and then you slide in. The thing about these. Yes. Well, women feel like they've got momentum in this little war of ideas with the Me Too movement and Bill Cosby getting arrested

and r kelly getting arrested harvey weinstein in my opinion and i bet you think this too these are good things yeah when shitty men get put away or they get arrested yeah for abusing people whether it's they're physically abusing men or physically abusing women it's always good you shouldn't be physically abusing get them out of here yeah we used to beat those guys up yes i mean this is handled in the community when we were younger teenagers hey blah blah you know was rough with this whatever who was rough right and we went over there imagine if you were married and harvey weinstein tried to fuck your wife and she went in on an audition and you knew that there was all these security guards and all these fucking levels before you got to him.

And your wife got into that level and he was treating her like shit and being mean to her and telling her if you want to work in this town, you got to suck this little fat dick. You'd be very, very, very angry. I'm shocked. Didn't Brad Pitt try to step to him or something like that? He did step to him. And did he swing on him? I don't know what he did. Because you got to. Right? Brad Pitt tried to step to him Or something like that He did step to him And did he swing on him I don't know what he did Cause you gotta Threaten him

Right like Well that's the other thing That's fucked up about this Is like There's gonna be wine scenes Yeah Like these people are gonna exist Well listen man

They still exist Yeah they still do I was hearing about one last night Someone was I can't tell you Comic Cause I don't Wait he's a

Television personality Who's apparently A closeted homosexual Oh and he's out there, and he's out there. Yeah, and he's out there. With dudes. Yeah, just going hard. Fucking him more.

I don't know. He's trying. Really? He's trying and making him uncomfortable. Really? Really. How well known? I don't know.

Bullshit. We'll talk later. We'll talk later. But what I'm saying is they exist. You want to tell me so bad? They exist. We've got to go talk to him afterwards There's crazy fuckers out there That are still rolling at old school

Yeah They want to get caught Gwyneth Paltrow Brad Pitt threatened to kill Harvey Weinstein Yeah but you gotta swing on him That's my man But you gotta swing on him bro I believe it

You gotta leave some marks I believe it So Well it depends on what Harvey did Versus If he grabbed her And did anything to her physically Then you gotta swing on him But if he grabbed her and did anything to her physically, then you got to swing on him.

But if he just said something creepy and you tell him, I will take your fucking life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take your life. Well, I think the issue with these things is like, we know we're going to have Weinsteins, but the people that protected Weinstein, like the second you complain about a guy For groping Or doing something crazy Right That woman is doing Exactly what she's supposed to do Right

She experienced some You know sexual assault And she's telling Yeah Right Now if you silence her And shut her up That's where the system

Falls apart Right right right So whoever is protecting him Throughout They gotta go too Right Because that woman Did exactly what she was

Supposed to do Right There's gonna be Weinsteins Throughout life Unfortunately That's the real question They got to go too Right Because that woman did exactly what she was supposed to do Right There's going to be Weinsteins Throughout life unfortunately That's the real question What about the support staff? How many people? All them are almost

They're not worse because they're not doing it But they're so bad because They stripped the person who was assaulted From Like not only equality But like they stripped her from From life in a way like they made that person go oh shit life isn't fair and i don't have a shot do you know the expression diffusion of responsibility it's it comes when there's large groups of people that watch something

they feel like someone's gonna step in it's like that lady uh genovese's or something remember that there was some woman who was getting raped in queens and she was screaming for like 40 minutes and there was all these neighbors around like yeah i heard it but i thought ted was on it oh jesus you didn't hear about this no i think katie genovese's or some shit it's an old story but yeah everybody's like oh they'll get it yeah it's the same kind of thing it's like well it's just how corporations work so if you're working for a corporation the corporation's dumping pollutants into the river you know you feel like well it's not my responsibility i just work here in accounting right you know like somebody else is going to handle this right you know this is and i think when you if you're working in like the weinstein company and you

knew harvey was out there slinging dick first of all in in their defense you probably didn't know the specifics right because it's like oh harvey's a dog he's always out there trying to fuck yeah well that's sort of normal yeah like a lot like people have to understand this why does a guy like that get rich why does he get rich is he like some patron of the arts who loves creating maybe there's a little bit maybe he likes power yes you like power why do you like that power what do you get now that power once you have a ferrari once you have a mercedes once you have a mansion what are you getting you're getting pussy baby that's what you're getting you're getting pussy so it's not even about the pussy right it's about power right it's about power so much of this shit like even

these pedophiles I don't even believe Anybody's attracted to kids Well they definitely are I don't believe it I believe they're attracted To power And they're so wildly insecure

That they need to be looked at Like a god And children When they look at you Somebody that they admire Something they truly look up to Etc They can look at you

In that godlike state And So I don't think it's a physical thing. Like I was watching that Abducted in Plain Sight. He gets whacked off by the dad, right? What? You didn't see this Abducted in Plain Sight, bro? Oh, my God.

Bro, this pedophile destroys a whole family, bro. Oh, Jesus. To get to the daughter, he fucks the mom and dad. What is this? This is insane. Is this on netflix yes you've never and they censor comedy imagine that imagine jokes well they don't censor comedy though who knows they don't they haven't censored mine not you know what i'm saying there might be but it's like and we're the bad guys essentially but like my point point is- That is a crazy story. It's the dynamic of power.

People say the Catholic Church makes these people pedophiles. No. They have that thirst for power, and they're going, who in my community has that amazing power where they're looking at him as this godlike figure? Oh, it was the priest at our Catholic Church. That sounds like an evil choice let me give you an alternative perspective from psychologists okay there's a thing called imprinting that happens with young men in particular sexually it happens with young

women as well but one of the things that can happen is young men can be sexually molested by other men when they're young and they develop this imprinting the the vast majority of people who are abusers were abused themselves right and there's some horrible hijacking of the psychology of the person when you're a six-year-old boy and some grown man has cock in your ass there's there's something about that that it fucks with their head especially if it happens a lot and it becomes a part of your life and the guy's nice to you as well and buys you things and does things for you and then you get older and you for whatever reason perpetrate this same horror on other kids this is something

that happens what is i don't know what i think it's maybe maybe it's a combination of both right maybe you have that imprinting, right? And then it creates this massive void that you need filled. Like, I think so much of everything that we do, everything that people do is about filling the void. And what is it that you need the void filled with dictates how often, if you're evil, sometimes if you're good. There are some people that are addicted to working out, right?

There's a void there. They need it filled. Some people are addicted to eating. Those are the same addiction, essentially, but one is a lot better to have than the other. You know, it's like even with, I mean, even with Kanye, right? as like this guy who's just wildly insecure and he's trying to justify his coolness constantly by taking things that are not cool at all and making them cool within a community within his community right so it's like everything kanye does like down to like it started with like the wasp culture i'm gonna take like preppy new england you know polos that are pink and shit and i'm gonna make that cool now before the hip-hop community i mean i grew up in new york

we were like yo that's some gay shit bro what the fuck is that now kanye wears is like nah you gotta look fly in this these pink waspy things in my khakis whatever then he takes grunge culture right this fuck have you seen the right the rip sweaters and all that kind of shit that's seattle nirvana shit but he's like yo i bet i'm so cool i can make it cool right then he takes dad sneakers i'm so cool i could you know you think my community loves cool sneakers i'm gonna make dad sneakers cool and then what is the most uncool thing to his community what trump yeah and what does he try to make cool? It's selfish. It's all about him. All he cares is about proving that he's that dude. And he takes the most uncool thing and puts it on his head.

And he's like, yo, I'm going to make MAGA cool. And that's when people are like, at least his community was like, nah, we're not going to play with that shit. You know what I think? I think, you know how like you have something that's supposed to take, like, eight volts? You have, like, a charger. Yeah. It's supposed to take, like, eight volts. Like when you go to Europe and you plug your shit in?

Yeah. Right. Well, like, when you plug something to the wall, like, we have alternating current. Like, you could have something that takes way more amperage. Right. I think Kanye has the wrong plug to the universe. And in a good way. Okay.

With that motherfucker's getting, like, a hundred volts all the time. Yeah. So he wants to deal. You ever a good way. Okay. Where that motherfucker's getting like 100 volts all the time. Yeah. So he wants to deal, you ever talk to him? No. I talked to him on the phone and it was a stream

of consciousness that was so intense. I was like, okay, now I get it. I kind of go, we had a long conversation. He's a very nice guy.

Yeah. We had a long conversation for like 15, 20 minutes on the phone, which is a long conversation these days on the phone. Yeah. Who the fuck talks on the phone anymore he does yeah but you're at i think he's getting a hundred volts bro okay he's got design going through his head and new song lyrics and new fashion and all this and i think he's just catching whatever he can and holding on to it and waiting

through the waves to fill though yeah but i don't know to fill there's a little bit of that but uh with him it's almost like affirming that he's okay because he's so much different than everybody else like elon musk like a lot of other people sure what's up did the uh when he used the confederate flag do you know about his statements on that he he said that. He used this in a quote. What does he say? Oh, react how you want. Any energy is good energy.

The Confederate flag represented slavery in a way. That's my abstract take on what I know about it, right? So I wrote this song, New Slaves, to look at the Confederate flag and made it my flag. It's my flag now. What are you going to do? Now what are you going to do? Right? How can I take my equity and see if I'm so dope?

But that's also his recognition that you can take something like the N-word and use it as a positive. You could do anything. I mean, look, if black people really decide – I used to do this bit. Okay, go. I used to do this bit about – do you remember when the fucking duck dynasty guy was he was talking a lot of shit about gay people was like i don't understand it i don't understand and i was like look i don't understand yellow cars i go what the fuck is this shit if you understand it why are you wasting all your time yeah you better be nice because i go if you keep

fucking with gay people they're gonna do something they're going to do something and you're not going to be able to take it back. Like, what if gay people decided to take over camo? And the bit was like, look what they did to the rainbow. I go, they fucking own the rainbow. I go, you can't wear a rainbow shirt anymore. Everybody's like, bah. It used to be leprechauns and pots of gold. Now it's dudes butt fucking.

I go, all they would have to do is start off every gay porn in a duck blind. It's two dudes, two dudes in camo. Dick dynasty. And you get the gayest black guy in the world in camos.

Like something about duck hunting make me horny. Yeah. And some dude just drops in out of nowhere and pulls his camo down and starts sucking his dick. If they just had all porno in camo, that's of nowhere and pulls his camo down, starts sucking his dick, if they just had all porno in camo,

it would turn camo into a gay thing. And if black people just went whole hog on the Confederate fight, look at them. They got a camo wallpaper sign. Absolutely. That's like some Annie Leibovitz shit, though. That's like some Vanity Fair cover nonsense. You know, that's like some organized shoot.

Very meta. Those are weird. They know what they're doing, though. These guys are smart. By the way, that's like some vanity fair cover nonsense oh you know that's like some organized shoot very meta those are weird they know what they're doing though these guys are smart they're by the way that's a shit pattern that's a bad camel pattern all ducks is it ducks maybe it's theirs it might be their pattern yeah i bet it is well you're in a swamp it's like i don't know you know the gay shit is like you know it's just it's not the climate for it. I feel. Yo, it could be. Don't you remember Deliverance? Yeah, but it's like. Squeal like a pig?

Yes. Remember that? Yeah, but that was, that was rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gay rape though. It was gay rape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody who says that rape is not sex, it's about power. Well, then they didn't do it right.

They also didn't get raped. Someone's going to fuck you man you're getting fucked like this ain't sex bro just so we're clear bro that guy is fucking you this is about sex and power i get it you're not gay but it's still sex people want it man that's the thing i don't know i think the kanye thing like he's just a guy who thinks way different like for whatever reasons the connections that's one of the reasons why i think this kim kardashian relationship works so well okay it's because like i bet she just handles normal regular stuff and he could just be kanye you know what? Like, it seems like they're- Does he think that different, bro?

People balance- Yes. How different, bro? Yes. Different. How? Different. You tell me.

Convince me, because the music is phenomenal. Outside of that- Okay, it's real simple. Yeah. Have you ever been locked up in a mental institution? No. He has. Yeah.

They don't just lock you up, bro. They never lock me up. Yeah. You know, my wife never- I never came home. My wife has some fucking two gorillas that are in those lab suits that are staring at me I'm like what's with the big guys big guys gonna take you to a nice hospital like sir we'd like to handle this quietly what yeah the fuck

I'm not going to some hospital you don't just go to the mental institute, bro. They fucking, they Velcro you. But the mental institute doesn't mean that you're genius. There's a lot of crazy people who are just crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's definitely crazy. Sure. But he's also, but he's brilliant too. See, the work that comes out of that crazy is genius work, right?

So what is it about him that allows him to be so prolific as an artist? You ever notice how prolific he is? Yes. The guy's constantly working. At music. Constantly banging out songs. He doesn't have bad albums. No. He is phenomenal at music, without a doubt. Phenomenal at music. But this is all

from this energy that's inside of him. He figures out how to channel that energy and put it in good ways, but occasionally it's not also it's also not a coincidence it's not a coincidence that when kanye was on stage i think it was in san jose yeah and he said that he didn't vote but if he was going to vote he would have voted for trump and the crowd went crazy and they booed the shit out of him and then he canceled his tour and then he went to the mental health institute right all that shit happened together because he felt the pain of this then his response to that was to double down his response to that was to attribute qualities to trump that he doesn't even really have right

and so trump in his so in a lot of ways very wise the way he handles things socially he let kanye come into the white house yeah where that mag hat, and just rant up a storm. So Kanye could define who Trump was. He could define what loving Trump meant. He could define why black people should embrace Trump. He could define all this in his head to sort of justify what went wrong with him. And then Trump just sits there and goes like this and lets him talk. And then he leaves, and Trump goes, what the fuck was that about?

And he gets on the phone, calls his bitches, orders a pizza, gets his dick sucked. And this shit right here. That's what this is. Now, look at that white lady with her arms crossed in the background. Like, what is happening? What in the fuck? I need to make a well. Like, what the fuck am I watching?

Look at her face. Look at the blonde chick right there in the center. Look at her face. She's like, okay, what? Her face says, okay, what? And Kanye's like showing Donald Trump his phone. Donald Trump's got his lips

pursed. Phone. Look at Kushner. Show me some lyrics. Look at a devious smile on Kushner's face right there, dude. How about that dude? How about the black dude sitting there like, I can't believe I have to listen to this shit. Look at that dude's face. He's like, what in the fuck do I do when I get fired from here?

Because I know it's coming. I know it's coming. Oh, God. How about the dude in the back with the beard? Look at the brother in the back. He's like, man. Nah, he's fucking up. You got to be fucking shitting me

ryan gosling with the boom mic oh look at that guy yes maga all the way he's like we made it i can't wait to get on gab and talk about this amazing meeting of the minds look at his face has who trump reached out to you no i'm friends with his son though like text friends really yeah he's a nice guy He's a hunter We know each other through Mutual friends And one of our mutual friends Who committed suicide

Oh shit So I was like You know But he's a nice guy I mean I don't agree with A lot of things That a lot of people

That I know Agree with Yeah I think I think we're allowed To be reasonable And cordial with each other Yes

What's the matter? What are you laughing at? What is it? Jim Brown was also sitting at that table. Oh, Jim Brown! Legend! That's Jim Brown! Look at him!

You know, Jim Brown used to do the early commentary for the UFC. Really? Yeah, man. He used to wear one of them Africa hats. Those traditional Africa hats. Yeah, he did my job For the UFC Like UFC like One and two Is he MMA savvy

No he's just A dude who knows How to fuck people up That's true He's Jim Brown man Yeah there was this Yeah there Look at him

Now the guy on his left Our left To our left Is Bill Superfoot Wallace Okay That's a world champion Kickboxer from the 80's He's a legend

In the kickboxing world There he is Jim Brown I just started uh uh taking a couple kickboxing yeah classes trying to learn you got a good frame for it yeah I used to box right so it's like the the most hum first of all it's nice to have something to like want to get better at that has nothing to do with career sure that's really fun you know but uh the the interesting thing about the kicking aspect of it is uh when i when i would see guys learning how to box like the hook is a tough punch for people

to get right because it's something you almost have to kind of like pop right and people try to throw it instead of let your body throw it and that's who i am with kicks i feel the like the exact same person i've been trying to teach how to throw. It's just my body doesn't want to let the legs go. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm not whipping. Yeah.

You know? I can help you. Yeah, yeah. I used to teach. Yeah, I see that you do a lot of. I could definitely help you with that. Yeah, you know what the thing, the way to do it is? You do it slow.

Right. Yeah, you do it slow and you don't try to hit with that. Yeah. You know what the way to do it is? You do it slow. Right. Yeah. You do it slow and you don't try to hit anything hard. Yeah. When you try to hit things hard, then you tense up and you like fucking. Yeah. Everything's all herky-jerky and goofy. Yeah.

The key to learning how to kick is to do it slow. Slow. It's a big part of it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You don't try to smash. You just try to like get your torque right. Right.

You learn your body right. Make sure you're pivoting Off your bottom foot You know The support foot Has to pivot Almost with every kick Basically yeah

With every kick Your support foot pivots Support one is the one That I'm stepping out with The one that's standing on Yeah The one you're standing on Yeah yeah yeah yeah

That standing foot Has to constantly pivot It has to go You have to be You have to be planted Right But you also have to be able To move with it

It's like a coordinated dance. Yes. That's why timing in kicks is so difficult because you've got to time it, and then you've got to twist your body in at the same time. But everything's got to work in coordination. It's got to work in concert. It's such a cool – I think kickboxing's got to be the worst marketed sport in the world. I know.

That's what I say. Do you? It's the greatest sport to me. It's the fucking best. It's like what we want That's what I say. Do you? It's the greatest sport, to me, for stand-up fighting. It's the best. There's a company called Glory. That's the Japanese one? No, no, no. They're American. I'm sorry. From the Netherlands?

I think they're from Holland. Find out where they're from. But they're international. They do a lot of events here in America. But they're on UFC Fight Pass and I think they're on ESPN too The headquarters are in Singapore Singapore? Oh that's interesting That's new

They might have got bought out Some of the best fucking fights You'll ever watch in your life I have in my studio In my gym I have Apple TV And I'll watch Glory It's like an app on the UFC Fight Pass. Okay.

And I'll watch it. And some fucking amazing fights. So why can't they market it? Most people don't know. Because Dana White has a really good point. In the 1980s, where that Bill Superfoot Wallace guy was fighting, he was actually before that. He was in the late 70s and then into the 80s. There was a thing called PKA Karka karate and it was on espn and

it was terrible and it was uh kickboxers who were basically like not the best kickers and not the best boxers and then it was like kind of goofy and clunky there's a few guys like rick the jet rufus and some really popular guys who were really good that were also doing it at the same time. But for the most part, it was just terrible to watch. It was boring as fuck. And then you'd watch boxing, you'd see Mike Tyson at the same time. So Mike Tyson's on TV, Marvin Hagler's on TV, and you're watching these guys, and these guys are out of shape.

So it tainted the well a little bit, you're saying? A lot. A lot. And Muay Thai for whatever reason I mean You go to Muay Thai events And They're rabid

And it's like a very deep community Of people that really understand And appreciate the sport Yeah They'll play the Thai music And they wear all the Mong Kong on their head They bow to their trainer

And they go out there And they're fucking Throwing elbows And smashing And kicking legs and it's amazing to watch same thing as kickboxing more or less it's the hardest it's the hardest of all of them more elite version of kickboxing yeah because it's elbows and knees and a lot of clinch work and a lot of dumping where they trip you and slam you to the ground and and they kick you on the way down too they'll like if you're good they'll throw you into the ground, and they kick you on the way down, too. They'll throw you into the ropes, and if you're still on your way down,

you get punted in the head. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and it's legal. It's a hard sport, man. It is. As hard as it comes. I don't know. You feel like we could get people to get behind.

I mean, even for me. You'd have to have some sort of an epic change in the way we view things. But to me, it's way more exciting than football. If those football players all decided to do Muay Thai, it would be better for their brains, believe it or not, to be a fighter. And two, you would see these elite athletes fucking smashing each other like that. Let's talk about that. It would be incredible. I want to talk about it because I was talking to Brendan about this and Izzy.

Izzy came on one of my podcasts and we were talking about when are the elite- Who's Izzy? Adesanya. Oh, Israel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, style bender. Yeah, style bender. Shouts to style bender, man.

He's the best. That's my guy, man. I love him. He's the beast. He's a perfect example of the style that is so fucking exciting to watch. Well, so is his opponent. He's fighting this dude. Gastelum?

Yeah, Kelvin Gastelum, who is one of the elite of the elite out there as well. Stunt wrestler, short, stocky, blasting striker, good wrestling, good grappling. Tough fight. These fucking wrestlers have power. Toughest people in the world. They're tough as fuck But they have power It's a unique thing Because sometimes The jujitsu guys

Don't have power With the hands But these wrestlers It seems like They all have power And I was asking Some folks around And they were like

It's core Everything in wrestling Some of them Yeah some of them But like Ben Askren Who's probably one of the Best wrestlers In the sport

Doesn't have any power In his hands Does he even try? Yeah but he's just about getting you to the ground and fucking you up right he's just he just has such unbelievable confidence and he should he's undefeated in his wrestling yeah that he just concentrates on absorbing whatever he can and grabbing you what is his i mean like maybe i'm just such a you know uh newbie to this, but I don't understand his leverage point. What is his skill? Is he so strong that his grip? It's not just physical strength.

It's technique. It's an understanding of it. You've got to think of wrestling the same way you would think of chess. If you only know a few moves you're not going to beat a guy who knows all the moves he knows all the moves so once he's locked with you you defend okay you think oh i'm gonna stuff i'm gonna dig in my hooks i'm gonna pummel under here and i'm gonna defend he already knows you're gonna do that so he's so he's shooting waiting for you to pummel As you're pummeling

He's switching to the inside He's tripping you He's grabbing hold of your legs In this really awkward way He's rolling back Because he knows your weight Is going to be going In a certain direction

He's anticipating Several steps ahead And he has International wrestling Competition experience Which is just Next level He's wrestling

These guys from Russia and Iran and some of the best wrestlers in the world. There's levels to this fucking thing. Levels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His levels, it's in a... But the same you could say about Stylebender. See, the thing about Stylebender is he's an elite kickboxer.

He lost the glory middleweight title in a very controversial decision to jason wellness who was one of the elite of the elite one of the best guys out there so stylebender competed at the highest level of one of the most difficult combat sports in the world and in that world he's known as a precision artist right in that world he's a technician he's not like there's some guys that are just thugs they got a good low kick they get a good shell they throw bombs they're willing to brawl they know a few things they know how to pump the double jab and lead and get that inside leg kick in yeah

style benders a different animal he's switching stances on you he's hitting you with upward elbows setting things up i notice him with the feints Dude he fucks people up There's a video of him The one when he went into god mode That I had on my Instagram That Lawrence Kenshin broke down Dude he fucks people up man And he fucks people up in an artistic way too

The way he picks his shots He just knows what you're going to do Before you know what you're going to do And he has several steps So he has that same level of skill That Ben Askren possesses in wrestling He has in kickboxing What is more valuable in an open fight?

This is it right here He's standing in front of this dude He's setting him up, looking for the moves Waiting to see how the guy responds And then, watch this, slam And he walks away the walk away KO one of the most devastating

psychological maneuvers of all time he's a special guy but there's no one thing that's better what's the most effective form? wrestling because the best wrestler can dictate where the fight takes place the best wrestler can get a hold of a guy and drag him down like Khabib Nurmagomedov,

who might be the best fighter in the world. He's the UFC lightweight champion. And what stands out about him is that he can get a hold of guys, and once he does, they can't do jack shit about it. He's not the best striker in the world, but he's good enough, so you have to be scared of him on the feet because he dropped Conor McGregor. I mean, he can tag you. He can fuck you up. He's not the best striker in the world, but he's good enough so you have to be scared of him on the feet because he dropped Conor McGregor. He can tag you. He can fuck you up. He's got power. He's knocked guys

out. But more importantly, that's to set up the clinch. And then once he gets to the clinch, you're his. Then you're going for a ride. You're getting slammed and then you're getting the fuck beaten out of you on the ground and you're getting strangled. And that's just how it goes. But he has the

full skill package like he can strike with you he can submit you but his grappling is what allows that to take place now with stylebender stylebender's grappling allows him to stay up on the feet see he's a very good grappler in terms of his ability to get back up and his ability to stuff the take he's got the sprawl now he's got whatever yeah not just sprawl but he gets the fuck out of there he pushes your head he pops his legs out he kicks back and then he punishes you on the way out pop take that with you yeah great distance yes it's a different i know this is different like with the the sports that involve legs but like you guys fight it a further distance. Of course, you have to. But it also makes you

susceptible for counters in a way. When Conor was fighting Floyd, my biggest concern for Conor was not speed or counterpunching. It was the distance that you're going to be able to counter. And when

Conor caught Floyd, he caught Floyd a couple times in the beginning. I think one was a left uppercut. He caught Floyd. That be able to counter. And when Conor caught Floyd, he caught Floyd a couple times in the beginning. I think one was a left uppercut. He caught Floyd. That was shocking to me because I was surprised that he had boxing counterpunching speed. The distance is half.

Yeah. Compared to a kick sport. Yeah. I would say if we're standing, what, two, three feet away from each other in kickboxing it's one and a half in boxing right so to cut that distance in half and still have the counter punching ability was impressive yeah i mean well he's done a lot of lower level boxing in the gym stuff like that is when you get up to that level it's a different fucking game floyd

mayweather's on a completely different planet than anybody else. He's the greatest great of all time. Yeah. That's what I'm meaning. I think he's better at boxing than Stephen Hawking is at astrophysics. Ha! You might be right. Look, he's 50-0. The counter, it does count, even though it probably shouldn't.

Right. I mean, it was a real boxing match, but it was a guy that had zero professional boxing matches. But he did get tagged. Connor can punch. He's a good fighter. He's a very good mixed martial arts fighter. But it was a guy that had zero professional boxing matches But he did get tagged Connor Ken Punch He's a good fighter He's a very good mixed martial arts fighter But the thing about Floyd is that Floyd is the best at not getting hit

No one's better So he's been tagged, really tagged Like three times, four times in his whole career I can name him, five times Sugar Shane Mosley, Maidana, the end of the fourth round The other ones are earlier Zap Judah, right hook He actually dropped him Zap Judah was a wicked man His dad was a kickboxer Yep Maidana The end of the fourth round Yep The other ones are earlier Zab Judah Right hook He actually dropped him

Zab Judah was a wicked man He was great His dad was a kickboxer That's right He came from that What is his name Something Judah I forget his name

But all guys from You all Judah Yeah And then Demarcus Chop Chop Corley Oh that's right I forgot him And wobbled him Oh yeah that's right

Yeah It was Yeah Yeah my pops was like a massive boxing fan he used to like go to ali's uh he was a journalist back in the day used to cover like ali in his fights and so like that's why i kind of came up you know generationally watching boxing oh that's awesome yeah dude it was like i mean some of the best moments you know what else floyd has going for him that uh the best jujitsu guys have going for him is that he's not physically powerful like the best jujitsu guys

are smaller people right because the smaller people learn how to use leverage and technique and they can't muscle things whereas if you're like a 250 pound gorilla you're some big football player dude and you're like man i want to learn some fucking jujitsu yeah like you don't ever have to be on your back right you know like i was talking to shop about that because shops thinking about doing jujitsu again. Because I was telling him I got back into it recently. I'm really enjoying it. And he's like, I don't know.

I go, just roll off your back, man. To be a big guy with a guard? No big guys have guards. It's so rare. Because big guys just get little guys on the ground. And they have a nasty top game. But then when they find themselves on their back, a lot of them are turtles. They don't know what to do yeah it's it's a technique thing a little guy has to learn perfect precision

technique because they don't have that exercise it's like being a point guard in the nba floyd has weak hands he's broken his hands many times and even though he's capable of knocking guys out it's with precision he's not going to knock you out like a John the Beast Mugabe would or a Francis Ngannou would or a fucking, a real power puncher, Joe Smith. There's guys who just fucking

get you to the cage or against the ropes and just smash. Yeah. Uncanny. Some of these guys, it's just raw power. It's empty.

And it's, yeah, Floyd is all precision and he's all, like one of the most fun things for me is watching Floyd in the first round and watching him take away your life. Yeah. Like, I like to see him take away a fighter's confidence. Yeah. Right? Like, he knew that Mosley was going to get off with the jab, or at least he knew Mosley thought that he was going to get off with the jab. And there's a moment, even in the first round, I know he gets tagged with

that overhand right, but there's a moment where Mosley pops the left jab and Floyd sees it, steps back slightly, and then comes straight over at the right. In that moment, you could see Shane know that there's nothing he can do because Floyd has timed the jab and countered it directly so now your jab is done right now I've lopped off one of your arms I've literally just cut it off now you got to open up with the right you're not gonna do anything to me just straight right I mean I got the Philly shell it's over yeah it's like seeing him take pieces away from a fighter it's I just I love fucking Floyd man's like seeing him take pieces away from a fighter I just I love fucking Floyd man well he learned how to

box at a super young age too and his dad was a wizard his dad when he was young fought Sugar Ray Leonard in a very good fight

when Sugar Ray was in his prime good pedigree man comes from good pedigree they know how to do it they're smart fighters his uncles Roger Mayweather the black mamba

yeah his brother was a motherfucker, man. I used to love watching his brother fight. Yeah. Or his uncle, rather. I used to love watching his uncle fight. He would fight on ABC, whatever television shows were having boxing on television during the day.

Yeah. Maybe it was ABC. I don't remember. But yeah, that family, he grew up boxing. And he also got to see the things that people do wrong. And here's another thing That Floyd has going for him Conditioning

Unfathomable He's always in tremendous shape Always Just always in shape I think it's a hustle When you see him eating The McDonald's and shit No he eats that shit

He eats that shit You think 100% Regularly 100% Really You can eat that shit It's just carbohydrates

It's just bullshit The thing about that Like either eating sugar Or like he'll drink a soda After a workout He's working out For two and a half hours So you can take some sugar

Dude not only Can you take some sugar There's an argument That that kind of sugar Is not bad for you After you have A brutal workout Dude when I was

We did this Sober October challenge Yeah yeah yeah Shout out to Ari man Dude Ari looked phenomenal I'm a fucking freak When I saw him in New York I was like dude this Sober October challenge Yeah, yeah, yeah Shout out to Ari, man Dude, Ari looked phenomenal I'm a fucking freak When I saw him in New York I was like, dude, you had abs?

I knew that Ari was gonna be My biggest competition, too Cause he looked so tired in his face Like his head is just exhausted Yeah, he's like Eeyore So tired So tired of this bullshit But his body was fucking shredded

He got shredded Yeah What is this? Chad Johnson, he always eats McDonald's And he's doing it While he's working out right here Yeah Yeah, dude, you can do that He's doing it while he's working out right here. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, you can do that. It's all in how much you exercise. Now, that's not all he eats. Let's go, Chad. Obviously, he's eating healthy food on top of that. But if he feels like fucking off and getting a Big Mac, he can do that. And there's no performance benefit or no penalty. Yeah. You can do it. So when Floyd does that, he is doing that and there's no no performance benefit right no but no penalty yeah yeah you can do it so when Floyd does that he is doing that yeah he really is eating that nonsense is Chad

still working out yeah he loves it just for exercise just for fun he fucking loves it 22 miles an hour it's his comedy what does he do with himself these days so what he'll do is I mean he'll like play guys and like play guys in FIFA online. He's a great follow on Twitter. It's hilarious. Oh, yeah, I follow him. It's like a girl will post a picture and then he'll say what's wrong with the picture. Like she'll be smoking hot and be like, yeah, but your shades are $30. Like, you know, don't put so much money into your outfit when the blinds in your house are $30.

Like he'll just nitpick little things. Like, dude, he's hilarious. But my guesstimation is this is his comedy. Remember you were saying? Yeah, yeah. He used to sleep at the arena or at least at the stadium. When he played, he was obsessed with it. He loved the sport.

He was talking about fighting Anderson Silva at one time. No, no, no. He's crazy. Yeah, he's crazy. That's football player confidence. Anderson when he was in his one time No no no He's crazy Yeah He was talking about Fighting That's football player confidence Anderson when he was In his prime

No no no I think he has Martial arts skill though I'm not bullshitting He's the box Yeah Nice little southpaw Actually he's got

Great frame for it Let's see if we can find Him hitting the pads Or hitting the bag Yeah Cause I think he has Real martial arts skill Like legit martial arts skill

Well that's the question When are these elite Athletes gonna enter MMA Damn Well they are But. Well that's the question. When are these elite athletes going to enter MMA? Well they are, but in small numbers. Who's the first? Well, Jon Jones is absolutely an elite athlete. But he's got a 20 inch vertical. Uh, yeah. So it's like, how elite?

He's got small calves, but the fact that he has those small calves allows him to be 6 foot 4 and 205 pounds right you're saying if he was bottom heavy he'd be 250 yeah he'd be a different weight which he could be by the way he could be a heavyweight he could bulk up and go up to heavyweight but he's got like weird calf genetics his calves are tiny right the thing is you don't have to jump that much in mma and he can hit you in the face with a flying knee. Right. But what he knows how to do and what he can do physically in terms of his wrestling

and his ability to close the distance and smash guys and time people, he's an elite athlete. I mean, I think he could have done that. His two brothers play NFL. Here he is. There you go. Here's Chad. Sparring a little bit.

But he's in blue, right? Yeah. Still can't be touched, he says little bit But he's in blue right Yeah Still can't be touched He says Well he's a southpaw Yeah So Let's see this

Stay away from Anderson Silva So he's Oh okay Oh it's got good head movement Okay Good head movement Yeah for sure I like the way he moves

Hands down though Ridiculous See the duty Sparring though We don't know shit About him That guy might be terrible Yeah

You know I mean That guy didn't once Try to go to the body He didn't duck in You know when someone's Moving their head around Like that Just smash their ribs

You go right after Just go after the arms Yeah Hit those arms That's what they try to do With Floyd man Yeah good luck Yep Good luck No flaws in the game those arms That's what they try to do with Floyd man Yeah good luck Yep

Good luck No flaws in the game No flaws That's the thing it's like No flaws You can't point one thing Right It's like we were talking about

With Ben Askren That when a guy Is a super elite wrestler Yeah You think you're gonna do something But he knows you think You're gonna do something So he does it

You do what you were going to do He anticipates what you're going to do He has an answer to that Yeah And then you have to regroup And he's already moving on to step three Like there's too many steps that he's ahead of you Can there be a guy like with him

That you don't engage on the ground Like you just kind of jab Stay on the outside Right Just stay on the outside Exist in MMA Yeah for sure Look Robbie Lawler

Almost took Ben Askren out in his last fight And it wasn't for Ben's mental toughness And his ability to endure punishment. Most guys would have probably gone unconscious there. But stylebender, like a guy like stylebender would be one of the worst fucking nightmares for a guy like Ben Askren.

Right. Because he's super difficult to take down. And on the feet, he's not going to do anything stupid. Right. You're going to move forward and try to grab a hold of him. And you're just going to eat knuckle sandwich

after knuckle sandwich. And he's going to slowly chop at try to grab a hold of him. And you're just going to eat knuckle sandwich after knuckle sandwich. And he's going to slowly chop at your legs. Whack. Yeah. And you're going to feel that low calf kick. Whack. You're going to feel the inside of your thigh shit. Yeah.

You're going to try to walk off the pain. You'll switch stances because it starts to hurt. Whack. He didn't recognize he's switching stances. He attacks the other leg. Now both your legs are fucked up. Yeah. He comes down the middle with a knee to the solar plexus.

Now you're hurting. Trying to play it off. It's just a matter of doing his game. In Stylebender's game, his game is keep the fight standing. Fuck you up. And then Ben Askren's it's grab a hold of you.

Fuck you up. Drag you to the ground. Fuck you up. It's a hold of you fuck you up right drag you to the ground fuck you up it's a matter of like who who's better at the weak aspect of the other person's game right yeah yeah how can i take advantage yeah it's a great and no one could be the best at everything so some like mma math is a notoriously difficult thing to do like say say say if Jamie beats me, but I beat you, but you beat Jamie. Yeah. Like, that happens. That's MMA math.

It's crazy. But we always say that with, like, you know, styles make fights. Yeah, exactly. But it doesn't work with Floyd. See, in boxing, that styles make fights only goes so far. With MMA, it's because the sport's more comprehensive because there's more skills, there's more different things happening. It's football

compared to basketball. Maybe. It's like there's more tools that can be used in here that can offset what's going on. Whereas basketball, the Warriors are going to beat any team four out of seven games. That's just going to happen. I don't know shit about basketball or football, so I'm just guessing.

You could be a superstar. Like, there's no one position in football that can change the game. What about the quarterback? Eh. I think a quarterback is overrated, to be honest with you. I think the most important position is the offensive-defensive line. Well, I'm always amazed at Tom Brady's body. How regular it is?

Super regular. Super regs. How regular it is? Super regular. Super regs. Super regular. But they get it. That team gets it. I think Tom Brady's like 15th highest paid quarterback in the league. Right, but if you look at an elite athlete's body, I want to see a dude who's built like Kamaru Usman.

Yes. The UFC welterweight champion. Yeah. That's an elite athlete. You look at him and you go, oh yeah. But he's not an elite athlete. Looks like go Oh yeah But he's not an elite athlete Looks like a UFC champion He's not an elite athlete

When you hit Well greatest quarterback Of all time Whoa Can't wait to see this guy Without a shirt on What does he look like Your father

That's my dad You know what he looks like A Tom He looks like Tom Brady That's exactly what The fuck he looks like He has his own body Yeah I mean

What makes that guy so special That's the thing It's like looks like. He has his own body. Yeah, I mean, what makes that guy so special? That's the thing. It's like sometimes, you know, sometimes. Something's going on. Yeah, he's up here, and I think, you know, he's got a lot of it up here, and he works hard. It's like, you know, sometimes the greatest aren't the great. Pull up a picture of him next to Kamaru Usman. Yo, you know what it is?

It's like sometimes having all the natural tools is to your detriment. There he is. Look at that. Yeah, bro. Come on, son. Yeah, like a leopard. Yeah, he's ready. Yeah, Ben Askren's similar too.

Yeah, he's got a little muffins. He's got a little muffin on him. Ben Askren's got even worse. Pull up a picture of Ben Askren. Why doesn't he come down and wait, Ben Askren? Because he doesn't want to. And he's got it like that? I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He feels like he's so much better as a wrestler that everybody else is fucked. Give me an image of Ben. Yeah, go to his abdomen. Yeah, look at that. I mean, he's got abs, obviously. He's got hips. Underneath that.

That's from one FC. He looks even worse now. Yet winning. Yeah. There he goes. I mean, that is not what the ideal male combat body you would think. That's not what the ideal combat body looks like. But he'll fuck shit up.

There's a picture of him with Kamaru Usman there, but he's got a shirt on. Yeah, Usman is insane. Lucky for him. But, like, there's just some guys that, like, okay, Francis Ngannou is a perfect example. Yeah. Some guys look like a destroyer. Yeah. They just look like a destroyer.

Yeah. Ngannou is, like, 6'5", 200, maybe more than 6'5". Sometimes those guys, like, I think you were saying earlier Gano is like six, five, 200, maybe more than six, five. Sometimes those guys, like, I think you were saying it earlier about the, about the jujitsu, right?

Like, and it's not just in, in this, it's in anything. It's like sometimes the guys with all the natural ability, they don't have the, the work ethic to be the greatest because it comes so easy. Yeah.

You know, it's like, like we, we all know comics that are like so funny hanging out and they're okay on stage yep and it's i think it's because comedy comes so easy to them they don't hit the gym yeah you know what i mean like maybe it's you need that like jordan almost like sociopathic approach to it you know we're, like we were having this conversation earlier is like, huh, like do you think

Jordan's happy? I don't think he's happy. Remember when he was abducted, abducted, inducted into the Hall of Fame? I thought you were

about to tell me he was an abducted in plain sight and I was like, bro, if this guy fucked Jordan too. Jesus Christ.

He is the goat. Do you remember when he was inducted into the Hall of Fame And he was talking about writers? Yeah He was talking shit about writers Fuck yeah He wasn't thanking his coaches and his teammates And it's been an amazing ride And I feel so blessed and fortunate

No, he's still like And fuck you Remember when you said that? Fuck you 1993 Your Sports Illustrated issue You said my shoes look shitty yeah well but that's his furnace right like some people have some people need that as a furnace like they need that that

competitive drive you know and like i feel like i feel like that happens when you don't derive joy from what you do you know like you derive joy from the outcome. You're obsessed with outcome. You know, like, at least for me, everything before was outcome, right? It was like, I'm good if, if I get a special.

I'm good if I'm doing these things. Or I'm good if I kill. And the second I was stripped of the opportunity to do those things, I actually found like i loved creating more and then whatever the outcome was was extra does that make sense right yeah i think it's a happier path i think so too but i don't know if it's the path to greatness as much as the path of the psychopath especially when it comes to competitive sports

something about the best athletes they all miserable how they they have a fucking self-loathing they and they also have an ego and they have this this anger towards the competition yeah like if you beat them they would say that if you beat jordan in a game of pool yeah anything fucking hate you for two months. We're playing again. Yeah. But he needs it, right? It's because he operates on I'm not good enough.

And if I beat you, then he goes, all right, I was good enough. I don't even know if it's that he thinks he's not good enough, is that he knows he can get you. Don't quit, motherfucker. I'm going to get you. But why does he need to get you? I don't know. He needs to because it's like he needs to confirm something.

Maybe. Right? I need to confirm. I don't know. He needs to because it's like he needs to confirm something. Maybe. Right? I need to confirm. It's constant confirmation. I need to confirm on that. Great, confirm, confirm. It's not that he doesn't

believe he's great. It's that he wants to confirm it constantly. There's a little shadow of a doubt. He's like, I'm great. I'm great.

He's walking around. I'm great. And there's a little voice in his head that's going, hey, you might not be that great. How about when he played baseball? That motherfucker wanted to prove.

Yeah. You know the hardest thing in sports, hitting a baseball. Yeah. It's the hardest fucking thing. And he just jumped from basketball to baseball and was, people act like he was trash. He wasn't even that bad. He hit like 250. 302?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The baseball card I'm looking at says he was 302? No, no, no. The baseball card I'm looking at says he was 302. But it might be for 185 out of 615 at-bats. Bro, we're talking about the hardest thing in sports is hitting a fucking baseball. The fact that he... I mean, there's a bunch of rumors on why he even went into baseball in the first place. But, like, it's that psychopathic mentality. It was a gambling thing, right?

That's the rumor. Some people say it's gambling. Some people say, you know, there's a bunch of different things. I don't want to put out there because I don't know. But, like, it's one of those, I think there is a balance, man. I think that you could, I think if you truly love what you do, like if you love the creative aspect and then you have high standards for yourself, then you can achieve both. Yeah. I think that achieving quote unquote greatness and living with misery, I don't think that's worth it.

No. I don't think that's worth it for you. It's like you got one shot at this, man. Like this life, man. Like you got one shot at it. Like this this life man, like you got one shot at it try to figure it the fuck out and it takes time to figure the fuck out but And it's one of those things you can't even really explain to people but if you can I'm approaching this point in my life where like yeah, I think I I get it

Does that make sense? Like how old are you now? 35. Yeah, and like it's Like my my buddy explains it like this he's like there's these different phases in life he's like there's and none of them is better or worse than the other but you know there's this vegetable phase where you're like just going to work and then you're coming home right and uh you don't think about anything then there's a why phase right which is what gets us into comedy a lot of us right we start asking why just about stupid shit like why do i have to have breakfast in the morning or like whatever it is which is why and then there's the phase which a lot of

the discussion is on on this show and a lot of comedy operates is which is everything is and isn't not everything is or isn't right right right it's like what where you operate and why people are drawn to this right and why people are drawn to maybe my stand-up and other things is we're shaking the foundation of the world. We're showing that the world isn't one way. You're not either good or bad. Right. Everybody and everything is both. The MAGA hat is so offensive to women, right?

Because it stands for these offensive things. It's like, well, what about the Viking helmet? Yeah. They did some fucked up shit to women, didn't they? Right. We wear that every Sunday for Vikings games. Yeah. And then people go, all right, so two things can be true.

Or two things can be false. You know? And that place where fucking comedy lives. Nuance. Nuance. Where comedy lives and conversation lives. You know? Yeah.

That is an amazing place that not everybody gets to. Well, that's what's so offensive about progressive fake comedy is that they're pretending the world's binary. Yes! It's one and zero. And you have to punch up. All comedy is punching up. I had a conversation with this guy who wrote a book once on the podcast.

Because there's no gray. There's no gray. Right? It's black or white. Right. So without gray, they don't even believe there's no gray right it's it's black or white right so without gray they don't even believe there's great like you and i take for granted that we understand there's gray yeah we truly understand we truly get it like and that's why we can have a conversation about maybe some of the

most vile things and try to put context into it or nuance as you're saying yeah you know what i'm saying yes that conversation tons of people are going to write comments are you motherfuckers are this yeah and then the other side is going to go you motherfuckers are there yeah it's so problematic that you're talking about yes so why why can we do that what makes us able to do that what do we understand about the world that allows us to do that? And how do we, you can't tell people things, you have to show them. How can we show that? Humor.

I think that's it. I think that's why we're the first persons killed when a dictatorship takes over. The comedians? Yeah, the philosophers, comedians. Anybody who goes, hey, look at the world this way, get them the fuck out of here right stop mocking shit stop making people think a little bit well also the thing about comedy is i've always said that if you can make someone laugh about something you force them to think about it if you're just on stage spouting your opinions like one of the real problems that i have with a lot of what they're calling comedy where they're just waiting for applause breaks when you say something.

Bro, clapper. Intersectional, you know, ideas must be approached with the same... They're abusing comedy. I know what you're doing. Yeah, what they're doing is they're doing... It's their time. They can do whatever the fuck they want with it, but I know the difference. It's a hack.

They've, like, they've figured out a way to, like, make a shortcut. But it's not stand-up's a hack they've like they've figured out a way to like make a shortcut but it's not stand up it's something else it's like you're just expressing opinions but if you're just on stage saying your opinions on things i can be in the audience going well i don't agree with that i have a different opinion but if you're on stage saying something that makes me laugh even though i don't agree with your philosophy bullfighting yeah that's that's when it gets you like if you're a hardcore republican trump supporter and someone does a joke about trump that makes you fucking laugh you're like god damn it he got me this motherfucker got that's the game the second you tell me i can't joke around about something that's what i want to joke around about yeah now you just gave me the bull yeah and

there's this thing in bullfighting where if you put a little bull out there the crowd boos oh right because they want a dangerous bull yes it's not fair that's true so and that's how comics feel when we see you doing easy jokes we're booing we don't we don't say it out loud but in our head we're like yes they're all gonna laugh at a joke about how women are smarter than men because there's a bunch of dudes trying to get pussy that are at that show with the girl they're trying to get pussy from. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, so it's like, how do you, it's putting, it's that world where it operates in. And then the next thing is, I think, which I'm not there yet, but I get glimpses and it's like, from nothing comes everything you know like for me i remember for the show in the comedy store in la when you walked in like that was crazy for me because obviously any comic you're you know watching this show and you're seeing and you're like, it would be so cool one day to be on Joe Rogan's podcast. Right. And then, but it was nothing I would ever ask for because I stopped asking. I stopped feeling entitled to anything. I just decided like when you walked in, I was like, this is awesome because I never expect, see what I'm saying? I only do

the shit that I want to do because I can control that. And if I just worry about expecting or wanting shit that I can't control, I'll be miserable, right? So, and you walked in and you did the fucking show and you're like,

hey, I heard some good stuff and I want to check it out. And I was like, that's fucking unreal. And I was overwhelmed because I'd never expected shit. And even in that moment, I wouldn't ask you to come on.

And I didn't care if I didn't come on. I didn't give a fuck because I was so grateful that that had happened. It was almost like I was just true to comedy and all I wanted to do was good comedy. And the fucking ether opens. That's how it opens all the universe's doors.

Bro, that's it. That's it. That's fucking it. Especially in this world, the world that we live in, if you're doing real shit, people find out about it. People find out, man. I hear about you. I heard about you through several people. And I was like, really?

Oh, okay. Cool. Let me check them out. And then I saw some of your shit online. I'm like, ah. I could tell. There's people that are doing the real thing. They're out there really doing comedy.

And they're trying to make things funny. And they're talking about controversial subjects and talking about different things and their perspective in life. And they're not worried about the industry's opinion of them. And what you said was so true that in the day, everybody was trying to get a sitcom, man. And that's all they were doing. They were doing these acts. Like, you would get actors who would get into comedy just so they could put together a seven minute set yes so they could get a sitcom off of it and then they would stop doing stand-up it was a lot of that but that

world dried up when the sitcom dried up yes and it happened right around the time that fear factor kicked yes because when fear factor kicked in reality TV show squashed all these sitcoms. Yes. Which was really funny because some people were – I had an argument with a comic about that. And he's like, man, I just think it's fucked up that you're doing a reality TV show and supporting reality TV. I go, why? He goes, because it takes jobs away from comics that write on sitcoms. I go, hey, man.

I go, first of all, they're not writers on sitcoms. They're taking a job writing on sitcoms while they're doing stand-up comedy. They're fucking comics, okay? I'm taking a job making people eat animal dicks while I'm doing comedy. The difference is I'm still doing comedy, and these motherfuckers are just looking for some sort of a gravy train to ride off into the sunset. If the show was good, people would watch it instead of these reality shows.

Simple as that. And then it wouldn't exist anymore. But there were so many bad sitcoms that it opened the door to Real Housewives and all these other things. And the next thing you know, name me three sitcoms, go, that are on right now. Oh, can I take it one step further? Yeah. There'll never be another hit sitcom again.

It probably won't. It is over. It's probably over. And I'm walking around the agency that I'm with yesterday, and I'm talking to people, and they don't get it. No. Bro, I felt like Christian Bale in The Big Short. I'm just walking around.

It's over. It's over. Do you guys not know? Yeah. We need to write a show around you. I'm like, guys, guys, guys. There's no more. You know what guys not know? Yeah. We need to write a show around you. I'm like, guys, guys, guys. There's no more. You know what's really over?

Go. You ever look at the fucking ratings for late night television? Oh, it's done. It's crazy. Bro, this is why I put your clips up. You just put your clips up. Put your clips up. Instagram.

Look, everything that I've done, it's for comics. Like, don't think that, like like you're copying or anything like that. It's for you. Look at the blueprint. Yeah. Copy it. Improve it. Tell me how you improve it,

but empower yourself. That's what this is for. The blueprint of putting things up on YouTube. Putting things up on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter,

like any, and like I have a lot of comics to reach out and just ask questions about. I'm here as a resource for you. Comedy is at its best when we are helping each other and New York doesn't get that right now just yet well there's less opportunity that's that's it you know what happened in la but the sitcom is bro you're

fucking yeah dude it is so done this is how you know it's you know how i know it's done what is your favorite scene in a sitcom or what top five, just a scene you loved in a sitcom? Even though I was in a sitcom for five years, I don't really watch them. Okay, fair enough. Well, I watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but that's a single camera. That doesn't count, right? It's a little different because there's like no audience. But like, anybody's listening right now, right?

Like you can think of one of your favorite scenes, right? Try to think of how that episode began. You don't know. Try to think about how it ended. You don't know. Right. think about how it ended. You don't know. Because the narrative was never important. The narrative was to fill 30 minutes of time. The only thing that was important were the five sketches that filled that 30 minutes of time.

22 minutes. Or 22, yeah, exactly. So it's like those five sketches don't have to have that bullshit narrative, right? Right. So right now, you really just need four or five friends that are doing the same kind of funny shit we're already seeing the new sitcom right now it's already existing well on instagram it's just a not a good art form you know if you watch like the big bang or two and a half man or any of those and those are grandfathered in right it's

like that came from a time when it was there but like they weren't they're not entertaining they certainly don't stand up like that's also why netflix kicked in with a lot of their dramas because they can get away with things on stranger things or on ozark they can get away with shit you just could never fucking do on regular television it's way more wild it's way more raw it's like you're watching a better movie they not only does because it used to be that if you did film, you didn't want to do television because television sucked, right? Like television, you do an airwolf or something like that. You're doing some terrible drama.

It's bullshit. It's obvious. You see it coming a mile away. It's made for morons, right? Yeah. Or, you know, you did film. And if you did film, boy, you got a chance to work with some of the most amazing directors and do these incredible pieces but netflix came along and and really it was before netflix sopranos

laid the blueprint exactly sopranos yeah the wire i didn't watch the wire but it did the same sort of thing right they created a new movie every week and it all went together and it lasted a hundred hours right and so you're like oh my god well regular movies is so shallow i'm not even getting into the characters right yeah this guy's 10 years later you see him 10 years later in the same movie right he's got a beard now what the fuck is this this is terrible and and why is it because movies got so expensive to make you couldn't take risks on stories that we didn't already know about yeah movies became 100 million now if I go to you and I'm like okay give me 200 million to make a movie about it's this mob guy

And he's kind of got like some anxiety You like are you out of your fucking mind? But if I say give me 200 million to make a movie about Marvel. It's like oh that's an existing fan base Yeah, is it based on a book or a movie about Marvel, it's like, oh, that's an existing fan base? Yeah. Is it based on a book or a comic? So right now, the only movies we see are either big budget that have a built-in audience or $3 million comedy. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Right? That middle ground right there that used to be awesome movies, TV. Yeah. So now TV is the shit. It's all these dope stories. Like, Breaking Bad should have been a movie. Right. But they turned that motherfucker into a TV show. It's way better as stories. Like Breaking Bad should have been a movie. Right. But they turned that motherfucker into a TV show.

Way better. Way better. Yeah. And they were restricted because it's cable. It wasn't HBO. Right. And they had commercials and all that stupid shit. Yeah.

I mean, what happened was with comics was the internet came along and all of a sudden there was this wealth of avenues where comedians could show their work. Whereas before, you were limited by the gatekeepers. Yes. The gatekeepers were either sitcoms, and the sitcoms was what everybody wanted to get because if you got a sitcom, then you were all set. You were Jerry Seinfeld or you were Roseanne.

Yep. And then it became something along the lines of Russell and you. Both guys, Russell Peters in particular, became gigantic, selling out arenas from YouTube. That's where it came. Little clips of his shit came up. If you ever met Russell, he's one of the most generous guys in the world. Super generous and friendly. I know 10 comics whose rent he's paid. He's the best.

He's just such a great guy. But he's also a guy that recognizes that you got to give some back you got to be and this just has his personality he's just a gregarious outgoing guy all these podcasts that popped up people realize like hey you know we're not in competition with each other like Jay Leno and David Letterman were because everybody wanted the Tonight Show spot now there's a thousand Tonight Shows and if you have the Tonight Show and I wanted the Tonight Show spot. Now there's a thousand Tonight Shows. And if you have the Tonight Show and I have the Tonight Show, I'm like, hey, you should check out Andrew's Tonight Show. It's fucking great.

This is okay. This is the Tonight Show. You're Carson. But we figured out a way. You're Carson now. You know that, right? That's the difference. That's the shift.

That's why Netflix can't even compete. Netflix is done. They're not done. Done. What are you talking about? You see Charlie Wilson's War? No. Movie about,

Tom Hanks movie about America getting involved with the Afghan conflict. I didn't see it. Afghanistan War. Doesn't really matter. But the idea is this. They're fighting the Russians, the Afghanis, right?

Right. So the Americans go, okay, boom. Give them a $5,000 rocket launcher and they're going to shoot down a $5 million helicopter. And eventually, Russia just won't be able to compete, right? Netflix pays $100 million to Aaron Sorkin or whoever to make a TV show.

Right. Right, that distracts you for two hours. Right. YouTube pays $0 million to Joe Rogan and Jamie to make a podcast that distracts you for two hours every day netflix cannot compete but it's a different animal you got to realize first of all they have way more people than just me they also are putting together something that requires a lot of money to create if you enjoy films yes or if you enjoy a show like ozark Stranger Things it takes a lot of money to make those things there's special effects

there's camera people and makeup people there's a lot going on writers and directors and producers and actors it's a giant fucking tent filled with people but people aren't watching it a lot of people are watching that

they're watching Friends Friends is terrible it doesn't matter if it's terrible You know what they're watching? A lot of people are watching that. They're watching Friends. No, no, no. Dude, there's a reason they paid off. Friends is terrible. Bro, it doesn't matter if it's terrible. Jamie, the two most viewed shows on Netflix right now, Netflix doesn't own. Netflix isn't even trying to make money anymore. They're getting bought out. It's Facebook, Amazon.

They're getting bought out by who? They want to. That's the strategy now. They're $10 billion in debt. There's no way they can make money. They're $10 billion in debt? $10 billion. Really?

But they make hundreds of millions of dollars a month like how many people do they have on board how many subscribers do they have that are paying nine dollars as far as i know they don't share that information they're killing it in terms of subscribers but they're 10 billion in debt they just talk on another two billion right when i say netflix is done i'm speaking anytime i make declarations i'm speaking in the future right i'm like we prepare now for the future right so it's like well how are they here it goes netflix will keep friends through next year in a hundred million dollars they're paying 100 million dollars right for one year of friends and then the office too you know what that

is though that's like nostalgia nostalgia right yeah so all viewing right now is nostalgia even not all viewing well if you look at TV, right? What did great this past year in TV? The OJ trial on FX. What is that? I remember I was when the OJ thing came out. Did that do that great? Killed it. Really? Won all the awards and everything. The Versace story,

which is another thing. Am I that out of the loop? 139 million subscribers paying $10 a month Is that what it is? How much did it cost? Something like that Maybe even more

Maybe $11 How much did it cost? They just bumped it up to $12 I think $12 a month Sure That, ladies and gentlemen Is a fuckload of income Sure

So they got a lot coming in But they're spending a lot too Because they're trying to $130 They're trying to overtake All the others And then they got Jeff Bezos You know, Captain Moneybags up there, Scrooge McDuck.

Right. He's trying to do the same thing. Facebook Shabbat. Which is where I saw you on Sneaky Pete. Yeah. I was like, Andrew. But that's the thing. Bezos can lose money on this shit because he's making tons of money on paper towels.

I wonder how much he is losing because he's got a lot of fucking series that ain't nobody watching on that. Yeah, just put it out there. But he's doing something that's even more weird. Okay there's no one watching those shows yeah there's a ton of fucking shows on amazon that fucking no one's watching yeah i would like to see their numbers because i bet they have some shows they might they might spend a million dollars to make and have like four viewers yeah there's fucking no one watching these shows they were just going after awards their thing was we're gonna make the artsiest shit hollywood's gonna

give us a grammy or something like that and then it will like qualify our platform it's a smart approach like youtube's approach was the exact opposite right we're like we're just gonna create the stuff that we think people want to watch well youtube doesn't create much they did a little and they took down the paywall like my thing i My guess with YouTube is they're waiting for Netflix. You know that scene in the movie where somebody's caught in enclosed space and water starts coming in? And the water gets right up to his lips. He's trying to breathe a little bit more. And I think YouTube is going to be the one to pour the last drop of water.

I think it's such a different thing. is going to be the one to pour the last drop of water. Well, I think it's such a different thing. I think you're talking about two totally different things because Netflix has never aimed to be a user-created content streaming site. Right. They're not. But at the end of the day, it's just distraction. I think that's what we've got to start looking at content as, right?

It's just raw distraction. And Netflix occupies a space for distraction that's smaller than YouTube. So I can watch a two-hour thing on YouTube at home on my TV. I can watch a two-minute thing on the bus as I'm going to work on YouTube. I can watch a 15-minute piece, like vlog or something like that. I can watch the whole spectrum. Netflix, I'm really just watching at home or if I'm on a trip. You know what I mean?

I'm not watching a two-minute thing on Netflixflix right you know what i mean it's it is the shit for now don't get me wrong it's absolutely the shit for now right but if i was being if i'm putting my money on it i would say if i'm facebook i buy it and then imagine having your facebook feed you just watch the show and then you get to share it immediately on your Facebook feed. If I was Facebook, I'd be super careful about buying anything because I think the government's been thinking about breaking them up for a while. Oh, really? And Elizabeth Warren is already talking about that. That's one of the parts of her platform in running for president is breaking up Apple breaking up facebook breaking up twitter she wants

to break up all these things she thinks are monopolies what's your feeling on that get the fuck out of here with that she is goofy man she's goofy as fuck what's up the uh disney takeover of 21st century fox takes place i think next week the 20th so yeah they're gonna put out their own streaming everything they've just they've bought bought everything except for Fox News and Fox Sports. They took over all of their production, movie facilities. Like 5,000 people might be losing their job because Disney doesn't need them. But all that content's coming off of Netflix. All those Marvel shows, all that shit is going to come over to them. Really?

So now they're going to have a nice competition. I wonder if that's why they've been canceling all these Marvel shows on Netflix. Why would I keep investing in something that you're going to take off? off like i'm gonna build up a brand and then you're gonna remove it right you own it so they've got so they got all the kids movies you're a dad you know what i mean dude i go to disneyland twice a year at least what you're gonna not have a streaming disney program with your kids apple's also starting their streaming service soon right isn't it like tomorrow or some shit no one knows when but there's a bunch of, tons of rumors are coming out today. You know what it's like, you know the perestroika?

Like what happened in Russia, like where the overnight, you know, it fell and they sold off the state assets to like a few people and everybody became billionaires. Right. That's what's happening right now in entertainment, dude. People don't realize it, but like it's fucking done. Like the days of, the days of

like fame being about distance are done distance distance like i'm johnny depp i'm gonna go away to my like little home somewhere in the alps and you will see me twice a year you know and i'm weird i'm marlon brando i'm out here i'm weird i'm different you know it's like now it's proximity there's a reason why no value in being weird anymore? Mylon Brando, Tyler Perry has an island, bro. Really? Mm-hmm. That's interesting. It is.

Have you been invited? No. No. That's fucked up. I don't want to go. I ain't going to anybody's fucking island. That's my rule. What about Bronson?

Somebody wants to ask me? Bronson, the virgin dude? Richard Bronson, whatever his name is? Branson. Branson, yeah. I ain't going to this fucking island. I don't want to hang out with that dude. You want to jet ski with Branson?

Why? Why? Why not jet ski with Joey Diaz? Listen, I ain't hanging out with any dude who has an island. Get the fuck out of here. Why? I'm not going to your island. Because they always want you to go to their island.

Like, bitch, I ain't going to your island ever. Then why can't we just go to the diner? No. What are we going to do with the fucking island? I'm going to Oahu. Who's that? Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy has an island? Yep. What? The Bahamas. we just go to the diner? No. What are we going to do with the fucking island? I'm going to Oahu. Who's that? Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy has an island?

Yep. What? The Bahamas. Would you go to Eddie's? I might go to Eddie's. You got to go to Eddie's. I like Eddie. I met Eddie and I was good friends with his brother.

And? Good guy? Charlie was the best. Charlie was the greatest guy of all time. Yeah. I met Eddie. When I met Eddie Murphy, I met Eddie Murphy in Maui. And he goes, the first words out of his mouth, he goes, you're a funny motherfucker. I met Eddie, when I met Eddie Murphy, I met Eddie Murphy in Maui.

And he goes, the first words out of his mouth, he goes, you're a funny motherfucker. I was like, God damn, yes. This is recently? No, years ago. Maybe more than 10 years ago. Yeah, that's. Like 2007, something like that. That would be unreal.

Eddie Murphy saying you're funny. Yeah, it was crazy. In Hawaii with my family. I was like, thank you. Like, what do you say? When Eddie Murphy Says you're a funny motherfucker I'm like holy shit Wow

Felt great You know You look at your wife And be like See Fucking chuckle Every once in a while Yeah

He gets it Honestly at home I'm not that funny My wife cracks Most of the jokes Really Yeah I'm not I don't have to be funny Like I don't need funny. My wife cracks most of the jokes. Really? Yeah. I don't have to be funny.

I don't need it. It's one of the reasons why I like to hang around with Joey Diaz, because he's always funny. Yeah. And he's always the funny guy. I like it. I like being around funny people, man. The thing about comics, especially especially the needy annoying ones in the early days like early days of your career they have to be the center of attention yeah that shit is really annoying yeah and one of the things that you learn for sure about hosting a podcast is

you don't really want to be the center of attention you just want to facilitate a conversation right you just want to make the best creation yeah what's the best creation if the best creation is let this guy rant you got to let him rant get out of the way if the best creation is you rant with him you jump in together and you go back and forth like a game of tennis then you do it that way right but you have to be able to feel the vibe yeah and then some people are not going to like it that way they're going to want why don't you let your guest talk like people love to say shit like that like you know why are you interrupting his rants yeah i love to say things like that so you're trying to make a creation yeah yeah yeah there's uh comics are not great listeners some of them are and well the ones that are are great at

this yeah right and uh the ones that aren't it's tough for them to do this and people know man they figure it's it's how how comfortable is it when it gets in through their ears yeah like is it getting in easy or is it like oh this guy's annoying yeah i'll bring on a guest and i'll hear the guest say something and i just cringe because i anticipate the comments i'm just like dude you're about to get crushed by the weight of the world. Will you quiet somebody? No. I mean, if I have to. I try not to.

If I have to correct them. If they're saying something that I know to be inaccurate. If it's in my wheelhouse. Sometimes people say something and I'll just say, that's not true. Here's why that's not true. Yeah. I've had people say some goofy shit and it just happens to be something i know a lot about and then i have to stop it yeah okay that makes that makes sense yeah it's just but for the most part i just i want people to just be themselves i gotta figure

out how to get you to be yourself that's what a lot of this is make you comfortable make you realize that i just want you to do great. I want everybody to do great. Are you ever intimidated? By a guest? Yeah. By their intellect? Yeah. Like Elon Musk was intimidating. Yeah. Talking to him.

Because you realize what a chimp you are. Did you feel that way? Oh, yeah. I'm a fucking dummy, man. But like- I'm talking to this guy. I'm like, I'm a fucking chimp. Here's a question.

Here's- I felt like a chimp. I'm like, look at him. I'm like, yeah. So you're going to go to Mars, huh? Cool. Want to smoke some weed? He just kind of laughed Like look at him Yeah So you gotta go to Mars huh Cool Wanna smoke some weed That's what it felt like

Somebody's gotta make a cut of that Like your chip moments This motherfucker's making electric cars He's sending rockets into space Right He's drilling holes under the ground you had to dumb him down with the solar cities it didn't even didn't even work but so here's my take on it right i'm watching musk right and he basically is opening up to you about how he's not happy

yeah right there's this moment where he's like i think he says something to the extent of you wouldn't want to be me yeah he's just his exact words you wouldn't want to be me you wouldn't want to be me so that means he doesn't want to be him i think on some level he doesn't want to be him right yeah and he's so with these guys that we admire because they're so brilliant they have all these brilliant ideas and we're we're put in this matrix of we're all in this success matrix on some level, right? Where it's like, get things done, good. Don't get things done, bad. Right?

I wonder if he's chimpish in that he's potentially wasting his life being upset or miserable when he could be focusing on things that would give him joy i think that being if is that being a fucking chimp is being so smart that you don't even try to just be happy and focus on your happiness i don't necessarily think he's unhappy but i do think that he puts himself into situations where the amount of stress that he absorbs is almost unfathomable. Like when he was trying to get the Tesla Model 3 production schedule ramped up, he was sleeping on the floor of the factory and literally working like 19, 20 hours a day. That's untenable. You can only do that for short periods of time. Right.

But I think that what I was saying about Kanye West applies to him tenfold. Okay. He's got a power output that's extraordinarily different than the average person. And that's one of the things he was talking about when he was young. I mean, you could probably put him on some sort of a – I don't know what the super genius spectrum is. Right. Like what is – what's Albert Einstein?

Right. What's this guy? What's that guy? He's in there somewhere in this crazy realm of the way a brain works. I think that brains are like all other body parts. Some people are born with little tiny dicks, and some people got giant hogs, and that's just a fact. And I think that dude has got giant hogs and that's just a fact and i think that dude

has a giant hog of a brain and it just works better it just it just is operating on a level that you and i can't we can't comprehend but i never invented a goddamn thing in my life but i'm driving around in elon musk's car you know that motherfucker made a car and that's like some shit he does on the side you know his car thing is like after he invented paypal yeah and he's by the way while he's doing the car he's shooting rockets into space and drilling holes into the ground he's trying to move traffic underground he's trying to fucking he's making solar cities like he's he's hooking up australia with these massive solar panel power battery plants that fucking fix their energy needs he's he's on another level no doubt on another level

it's a different thing but so is he happy joe i don't know and imagine nice guy that was the problem he seems happy yeah yeah i Yeah. I mean, yeah. But what is happy, right? Is he happy in bursts? Well, I guarantee you, when I saw him and he was shooting his fucking flamethrower in my foyer, he was happy. In your foyer? Yeah. Right out here, man.

Right out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a fucking flamethrower. He was tapping that bitch when he walked into the door. He's unboxing it. In the middle of this hallway out here, there's a picture of him standing in front of the freak party sign, blowing flames out, 15 feet. Look at that.

I mean, that fucking guy's a maniac. Look at the smile on his face. You can't tell him he's not happy, bro. You know what? Look at that smile. He's happy as fuck. It's because he's a kid, man yeah we're in a lot of ways dude there's this there's this fucking uh guy i forget his name is dr uh rapai or something like that he's like this french consultant he's like some fucking genius

and he's like decoded cultures right and uh every culture he's decoded and he people hire him to consult right and like america's code is, uh, it's, uh, the verb is to do and the time is now. Right. And we're just kids at the end of the day. Right. It's like everything. We love big tits in America.

Right. Big, most popular plastic surgery is big tits. And like France, most popular plastic surgery is getting tits reduced. Right. Everything about them is like precision and like the food on the plate. Is that really their most popular plastic surgery?

That's what he said. Maybe it's changed to like lips or something more common now, but maybe the one you have to go under. Lips are a dark one. Don't fuck with your lips, ladies. Oh, I like it when they get a little lips if they have none. No, if you have a fucking beak, you're gonna have a little something. You see the thing in there, it's like

it lets you know they're extra needy. There's like something going on. They wanted their lips to be, you know, there's like it like lets you know they're extra needy there's like something going on they wanted they wanted their lips to be you know there's like a symmetrical proportion that your face is supposed to fall into this fibonacci sequence of right numbers like if you get a nose job i look at you and i go what's wrong with his nose like something is wrong it registers wrong in my head because your face So like Ari Perfect example If Ari got a nose job You're like

What the fuck Is happening here What's wrong with your face Like if Ari had Like a small Irish person's nose He'd be like What is happening here

This doesn't even Make any sense Yeah maybe not For his face No For his face There's a sequence Like your lips

Match your face They match How far your eyes are apart where your nose is when you see a girl and she's a little tiny little skinny thing with little fingers and all of a sudden she's got this yes these big weird lips but don't we like things that like stand out like we like skinny with big tits we do we're drawn to it right we're drawn to things that are abnormal we do nice big butt it's a trick the big tit one is a trick Because it represents Sexual viability It represents your ability to

Breastfeed a child Which is attractive to your genes It doesn't make any sense that you would know That there's a bag of water Underneath her skin That she had a tube down her throat Taped to her face She's half dead

They're cutting her open with a sharp knife and stuffing this bag of water under the meat of her breast tissue. Or they're cutting her nipple off and opening it up like a fucking manhole cover and pumping that fucker in there. It's crazy. We know that that's what happened, and we still think it's hot. All those things are nuts reptilian bro yeah yeah it's in here we can't help it but like it bothers me when it's a butt when it's a fake butt it bothers me like if there was a way that a girl could lift weights at the gym and make her tits bigger and she went and got fake tits you wouldn't like them as much

wait a minute wait a minute oh yeah yeah yeah like knowing you can earn it. Yeah, you can earn it. Yeah, it's lazy. The butt thing is lazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The butt thing, it throws you off if it doesn't match the legs. Like, if a girl's got a big butt, she's got some legs, like, damn, this bitch is deadlifting. Yes. You know, like, that's hot.

Yeah. I've never said that in my head, but I know what you're talking about. You've never said that? This bitch is deadlifting. You've never said that? No, no. I see a girl with big hamstrings. This bitch could squat.

I say that all the time. I just don't work out enough, I guess. I like girls with legs that look like they can carry shit. Yeah. It's hot. Yeah. Do you like to be carried? Girls who squat.

No, I'm heavy. If a girl's carrying me around, she's going to get tired. But I like girls that are athletic That have power I like it It's hot So if a girl's got a big ass Because she's squatting

That's hot If a girl's got a big ass Because she went through surgery I'm like bitch you're gonna get cancer Yep They're getting ass cancer now Do you know that? Wait

Yes From the implants From implants Yes They're starting to see Cases of butt cancer Whoa Jack That's what you like That's what I'm talking about son

Bro that is That's power No that's too strong for me Oh don't be scared I'm afraid of that That girl will hurt you She will Yeah that is

That's like trying to fuck A crossfitter's fist You know what I'm saying Like the power That she must have in that Bro look at that leg, dude. Fantastic. That's just a hawk.

Outstanding. I mean, the butt cheeks are nice. It's the thigh meat that's too much. She's an athlete. I like it. Yeah, I don't know. I like that. If that girl's in a miniskirt, but if she's not flexing, she probably looks hot as fuck.

So you're into a very strong... Yeah. I like good jeans. This guy has the other ones, Jamie. I mean, this girl has massive quads. She's stacked. I like good jeans. This guy, the other ones, Jamie, I mean, this girl has massive stacked. That girl stacked. The only problem with those gals is that there is a reality to certain levels of musculature

that most likely they're only achieved by injecting male hormones. So the clits kind of get big or whatever. A little bit. Have you, have you never seen that? Are you allowed to like fuck around? What's your relationship with your wife? Definitely not. No, no. Okay. So the clits kind of get big or whatever A little bit Have you A little bit Never seen that Are you allowed to like fuck around What's your relationship with your wife

No no no Definitely not No no no Okay Okay how long have you been married Ten years Ten years Almost

Close enough Yeah Okay And then how do you Yeah how do you How do you jack off Navigate that No no

Yeah Could you please explain to me How do you do this masturbation thing How do you do that Wait What do you jack off Exactly How does it work

Okay Yeah This level of athleticism Like I was saying Yeah Please explain to me how you do this masturbation thing. What do you do? What do you jack off? Exactly. How does it work? Yeah. This level of athleticism, like I was saying, there's a certain line that they are crossing that most likely is because of male hormones. Yeah, I can't get into it. There's some level to that. Do they grow some hair? Jiu-jitsu girls, there's a lot of jiu-jitsu girls that are competitive jiu-jitsu girls

that start doing a little bit of steroids. They start taking a little bit of testosterone. Like a friend of mine's wife was doing it, and I was like, yikes. You saw the difference. Yeah, she's really getting into jiu-jitsu. She's competing, and she's starting to take a little bit of testosterone. I was like, okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You know what happens, though? What? They get horny. Really? Like a dude. Really? Yeah. But they got this big dangling clip.

No, no It only gets big when they go whole hog Like when they go bodybuilder How big? When they go bodybuilder It gets big Back in the day Way back in the day No no no

Never fucked a girl who was a bodybuilder Never once Never No Did fuck a girl who was like Like very fit and strong But she had a normal vagina Normal clit

Totally normal clit Yeah She had a six pack though It's kind of weird Okay yeah it's a little she was strong it's not feminine it's not it's not feminine but this clit thing fascinates me so the clit it just is there like is that you can't put a picture of that up can we look at that no yeah no you don't can you pull it up well that doesn't you know what it is a little dick it's like a little dick that's what i'm wondering does it have like the head and like the ridge yes oh yeah yeah fuck yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the fuck out of here, bro.

Are you saying you've never looked in large clits? You've never done that? That's exactly what I'm saying. Hold on. You've never done a Google search? Bro, I looked fake pussies. I looked up like tranny pussies, but I didn't look up. And those look-

That's not good. What do you mean? The tranny pussy. What do you mean they're not good? It's not good. It's not real. Yeah, I know it's not real, but you want to be able to tell. Can you tell?

No, but I feel like we should put a watermark. Okay, this is what they look like. Bro, there's a dick going inside a nut. Bro, that one is crazy. Look at that one down there. Bro, that's fucking nuts. Yeah, that's what happens. That's not real.

Yo, it is real. It is real. There's no way. No, no, no, it is real. There's no way. How about that one in the lower right-hand, upper right-hand corner? There's no way. The no it is real There's no way How about that one In the lower right hand Upper right hand corner There's no way

The dark one Jamie No below that That one Pow How you like me now That's a dick She has balls

Yeah No no that's pussy lips That girl has balls bro That's not a girl That's pussy lips Doug That's pussy lips Now that one down there

What about the giant one Below that Jamie The one in the middle What's happening there No bro That just looks like A witch finger That might That's pussy lips. Now, that one down there, what about the giant one below that, Jamie? The one in the middle? What's happening there? No, bro. That just looks like a witch finger. That is gnarly, man. Do you think that that's Photoshopped?

That has to be Photoshopped, dude. Dude, this is un-fucking-real. Might be a hermaphrodite. Some freak porn mixture. Oh, my God, bro. Whoa, dude. Freak porn Yeah Oh my god bro Whoa dude Well When girls

Take a lot of testosterone They do develop Enlarged clits There was a A show On HBO Back in the day I think it was called

Private Dicks But it was like That girl's jacked You're into that though? No That's a little much Yeah That's a little much

She looks like Dillashaw That's hilarious She's pretty She looks like Dillashaw That's Larith She's pretty looking though She wasn't flexing Tell her to eat a couple sandwiches Anyway Let's get out of there That's enough

We're gonna start vomiting Dude But anyway There was a show on HBO Called Private Dicks Okay And one of the people on it I think that was from that show

But anyway There was this lady who was talking about She became a trans man And through taking Massive amounts of testosterone Her clit grew she said to the size of a thumb Yeah Because they're taking

I don't even understand what's going on Very high levels of testosterone To sort of achieve that They get hair on their face Their voice deepens They get hair on their face. Their voice deepens. Yeah, yeah. You know, they get broader and thicker. And they keep a lot of that, too.

I don't get it. I don't understand. So your clit is just a cock, essentially, right? Well, not really. It just resembles one. I mean, if you looked at that, if my dick looked like that, I'd go right to the doctor. I'd be like, what's happening? Which one?

The long one that we were looking at? The crooked one? Yeah, the witch's finger yeah with the joints yeah it seems like joints it seems like a clit with no skin or a dick with no skin it has been skinned yes bro that made me feel uncomfortable to look at it should imagine pulling a girl's panties down that thing it happened to a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend okay a friend of mine who i used to work with on a television show her she was telling me a story about her ex-boyfriend met this girl and they're fooling around and they get back to her but and she was pretty feminine but she had a clit like a pinky it's the way he described it and then he

pulled her pants down and then fucking panicked and then said oh my god i have to pick my friend up at the airport fuck i can't believe this and he just ran that was his excuse is i gotta fucking panic man the dude panicked he went into a full-blown panic and just ran out he couldn't deal with her clit i mean it gets to a certain size where that's like yeah like if it's wrapped around her leg and tied in a bow you're like hey or you gotta like kind of like push it to the side to insert you know what i mean you gotta hold it like a handle while you're banging it's a joystick it's like the the reins on a horse like you're hanging onto it where you're banging it oh it's like just the random shape of the human body And how we've decided that this is what's appealing

Hourglass figure The ass comes out, the tits are here It makes it look like she's sexually viable And she'll be good at The big ass and all that fat around that area Means she's got plenty of nutrients for the child She's got wide hips It means the baby's going to come out easy

All those things are directly connected to fertility so we're not objectifying them at all well we are but it's nature that's caught like there's a reason why the standard that men are after when it comes to women is directly connected to them being we think you're going to make some kids yeah so me thinking you have great you know hips or tits or something like that is efficient yeah it's not sexist it's not hateful it's not uh in any way objectifying or maybe we're supposed to objectify to create people i think there's that too but then there's also like if a girl's in really good shape, one of the things that you admire is that that girl's got, she's got discipline and power. Like a girl's hitting the gym all the time and working out.

That's a girl who gets things done. Like if you see a girl and she's lazy and her body is just like soft, doughy, she's like skinny fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, you're going to complain a lot. You're going to need a lot of naps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're blowing up after this kid. You're not getting after it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're blowing up after this kid.

You're not getting after it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not out there getting things done. You're going to want to be sad. You're going to want to complain. You're going to want to stay home and stop. But is that biological or is that us being smart? You think it is?

Yeah, there's something biological to it. Your body rejects that because you know that this girl, like if the shit hits the fan and a fucking apocalypse comes, you got to take your children and go to the mountains right this girl's gonna be tired all the time she's gonna complain she's gonna weigh you down she's not gonna carry her own weight i like a gal who can carry her own weight right and you can't do that if you're carrying a big old clit babe hurry up you're dragging your clit all over the rocks You got leaves stuck to it Shit Cause it's sticky It looked like a dog's dick You know when a fucking dog gets hard

Bro Oh no That's what it looked like Oh no Imagine if women had dicks And men had pussies And we were just really into big dicks Dude

Just as possible Absolutely Just as possible It's called gay guys But not just No The arbitrary shape of humans Don't they like big dicks It's called gay guys But not just No The arbitrary shape Don't they like big dicks

It's just strange Yeah we got It's strange what we're attracted to Seahorses Right Isn't the male seahorse Have a pussy Well the male seahorse

Accepts eggs from the female There's actually a video of it Sounds pretty gay to me Sounds pretty fucking gay bro I don't know if you're accepting eggs Yeah She pours her eggs into a sack in his body It's very strange

You get nutted in bro And it looks like they're kissing while they do it It's really weird Alright I'm okay with the kissing shit Have you seen it? Oh you got a video of it? Oh yeah Here it is

It puts shit in perspective when you look at the What a weird fucking animal a seahorse is anyway Yeah Like what a strange little creature It's so weird I think that's why we like nature stuff because it like it puts in perspective how fucked up humans are look at that he's just busting off dude that's that's her him is that him giving birth dude that's how i come with wow look at that kickback fucking shotgun dude i come the opposite way i go forward i don't back

out i feel like if you back out it's like pulling back on a punch. Yeah, but you got two kids. Imagine if one of those ones gets stuck in there. One of them little baby seahorses is like, ah, I'm in here forever. Shit. Because the last of them is like one or two at a time. So you're like, one guy. Boom.

It's the last drop, dude. He keeps pumping, but there's nothing coming out. Okay, those are babies or those are sperm? Babies. Those are babies. So we didn't see them have sex with each other. I think the baby hatches inside of his body. Yeah, that's crazy, dude.

Thank God we don't got to do that. Imagine. What a drag. Did your wife do natural? No. See? Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. Imagine all the What a drag Did your wife do natural? No See? Oh no no no No no no

Wait How'd she get it out? Oh I mean natural Natural But like out of the badge Yeah yeah yeah Epidural man The c-section thing

They have to I mean with some women It's imperative They have to do it Like maybe they have small hips Right You date one of those Like a little girl

Date one of them Big giant dudes Gorilla fucks you You know what I mean? And then you got a giant baby Inside you And a little girl, date one of them big giant dudes, a gorilla fucks you. You know what I mean? And then you got a giant baby inside you and a little tiny pussy. You love that shit, bro. I can tell. You fucking love it, bro.

I'm just, I am fascinated by it. Like, have you ever seen that guy, the guy from Game of Thrones? The guy with his, the mountain with his wife. Is his girl tiny? She's tiny? Oh, dude. Get the mountain up. She weighs three pounds. The mountain with his wife. Is his girl tiny? She's tiny? Oh, dude. Get the mountain up. She weighs three pounds.

Let's see the chick. She's smaller in comparison to him than my eight-year-old is in comparison to me. No. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, he is smoking that, dude.

How is that humanly possible that that works? She's this beautiful little tiny creature and he's one of the biggest human beings on the planet. Yeah, but do you think that he's packing? I don't think he's packing. What are you talking about?

You think he's got a big piece? He's got a dick like everything else you see on him. If he didn't have a dick like that, you'd be stunned. The size of his hands, his shoulders. He probably has a small seal in his pants. He's got a t-shirt it's a strong motherfucker uncircumcised dick yeah big giant fucking anteater yeah elephant trunk that's that's oh wow i don't know bro i don't know if he got the piece man you're out of your mind why would you get that big if you had a piece like he's a savage he's from fucking Iceland

that's what they do there are different humans out there man those are vikings yeah there's a reason why he's that big no bullshit

that is viking DNA it's just the best DNA from the world thousands of years ago guys like him would be on a boat with a fucking dragon on the front of the boat

and they'd have a sword and they couldn't wait to jump off that fucking boat and start hacking people to bits yeah that's why that guy exists that's why he's so big yeah yeah and you just took the best genetics from wherever you stopped that's why iceland vice did a whole piece on iceland okay about all the strongmen competition winners that live in iceland okay they're all vikings man it's viking dna really a hundred percent okay but isn't viking dna okay we went to italy we raped some chicks in italy we bring them back yeah they bring back the best women but

they're the ones who survive all these battles this is time tested they're swinging axes at other dudes swinging axes the ones who survive we're all big Yeah that's true These guys are so big man You gotta read this article That Vice did On these strong men In Iceland Okay It's crazy bro

Yeah yeah There's a whole country Filled with gorillas Big white gorillas That are just Smashing pussy And lifting weights And throwing

Fucking beer barrels Over the top of train link fences. That's huge. There's a, apparently there's an app in Iceland to make sure you don't fuck your family member. Dead ass, bro. Because there's only,

there's only like 300,000 people, right? On the island. Right. So everybody, not everybody, a lot of people are very related. So you can like type your name in and it will say,

oh, Jorgensen, oh, Jorgensen. Oh, Jorgensen. We're second cousins. Maybe not. Fuck. Oh. Looks like. That's how I would come.

I'd just. Oh. Oh. Oh. With a drum by the bed. I'd have a dude beating a drum to give me a pace. While you're pounding away. Boom.

Boom. To give me a pace to go to. Yeah. Damn. That's a crazy race of humans, man. You ever go there? No, no. I'd like to go there just to see the Northern Lights.

It's one of the things that I've been thinking that I need. Have you been? Yeah. You saw the Northern Lights? I did stand up there. What is it? Oh, you did? Yeah, I saw the Northern Lights in Alaska.

It's harder in the city when you're in the city. But yeah, they love stand up there. I think their president or something was a huge Stanhope fan. What they're like good stand up too yeah yeah make sure i'm not misquoting but like apparently i think he was a like a massive uh doug stanhope fan and um yeah the audience they were good man they like know english they're like apparently the kfc there they have kfc if one kfc oh it's popular as fuck well the rules for food are super like high so it's like the best chicken tenders you've ever had oh because they don't let processed bullshit none of that right but it's still kfc so you could do that when you have a country that

has as many people as boulder colorado right that's the thing people don't get like when you gotta feed 300 million people it's like we're gonna gmo some shit right yeah like we're gonna use corn it's 300 million people it's a lot million people, it's like, we're going to GMO some shit, bro. We're going to use corn. It's 300 million people. It's a lot of people. Yeah. It's like when a mom has nine kids. It's like, there's going to be some grits.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, McDonald's is going to work. But yeah, Iceland was a shit, and the Northern Lights. You look at Northern Lights, and you're like, oh, I completely get why people believed in God. Oh, yeah. You can't not. Does that make sense?

Sure. You look in the sky and it's painting itself yeah you're gonna believe what did they think it was back then had to be the gods dancing i wonder what they thought i wonder what explanation they had for the northern lights how do you not like years ago i don't know man sometimes the more i like look at i was raised without any religion but like the more i look at it now, I think it's just people trying to explain. It was like people just- Jesus, look at that.

Is that a real color? It's from Minnesota, yeah. Yeah, you can see it. Wow. But go to another one. For me, I didn't experience it like that. Travis Nowitzki. It's more just like-

Why do I know that name? Dirk Nowitzki, you're probably thinking of. No, I've heard that name too, Travis Nowitzki. Is probably thinking of no I've heard that name too Travis Nowitzki is he um what does that guy do is he just a famous photographer perhaps try to yeah photography by Travis Nowitzki

yeah I think that's what it is I think I think I've seen his yeah I think he does a lot of nature shit yep how could you not dude like how can you how do you blame anybody for I think I've seen his, yeah. I think he does a lot of nature shit. Yep. How could you not, dude? How do you blame anybody for believing in something bigger than yourself? Oh, just a lightning storm, man.

A hurricane. We live in big cities. This shit is not real. You live in the Bahamas and you see the power of a fucking hurricane. It puts things in perspective. You know how important we think we are that goes away when you know at the blink of an eye your house everything you work for is gone because of wind wind and water holy shit that shit right there look at that picture that's where it's crazy wow it says northern the lights now appear in central europe this is because of

climate change well isn't it supposed to get hotter? I don't know what that means. Like, why is it saying? Go to that article. Why is it saying that? Northern Lights now appear. What does it say? Scroll down.

Roll. Scroll down. No. It says Europe and much of the U.S. Central Europe and much of the U.S. I didn't know that much of the U.S. says Northern Lights. You can see them in Ohio sometimes. Alaska.

You can see the North. You've seen it? I have not, but I'm. I mean, the other picture you showed. There are in Minnesota. You fucking Ohio people doing ass in the parking lot, seeing lights in the sky. Yeah, there's that fucking big storm is hitting central U.S. today, right? They got fucked in like Denver.

What do they call it? A bomb. Why do they call it a bomb cyclone It's clickbait Marketing Marketing It's good marketing dude Is it a bomb Like why are they

Calling it a bomb You're gonna read Art Bowl as a bomb Yeah right Bombs are scary Dude marketing's Fucking everything I thought this shit

Like when we were Just talking about The uncircumcised Like that Even that term Is so dumb Right it's a normal dick Yeah Yeah that's what it is It's a normal dick. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what it is. It's a dick. Why don't we, why would we even use that? Yeah. Right. Well, what's crazy is that it's more common to be cut. It's more common that a dick is sliced off when you're a baby.

Yes. They take the cap off than it is. And then when it's not,'re like what's why didn't your parents cut your cock when you were born what about that why do you have the blanket over the top of the head cut that off expose that dry that head out yeah weird yeah it's marketing man you get people to believe anything it's like you got to grow it into them you know it's there's this uh i feel like i tell this story every single time i'm talking on a them you know there's this I feel like I tell this story every single time I'm talking on a podcast

but like there's this great thing about how Nescafe broke into the Japanese market have you heard about this? no and it's like

they went to this consultant they're asking him how do we get in and he's like you can't get in and they're like what do you mean? he's like

it's gonna be 15 years they're like what are you talking about? and he goes well they don't know what the fuck coffee is over there

okay you're trying to be tea you're not tea so what you're gonna do is you're gonna make be tea, you're not tea. So what you're going to do is you're going to make a cartoon, and you're going to spend a few million on that, and then you're going to make a candy based on a cartoon, and then that candy is going to be flavored as coffee. And when these kids grow up,

they're going to have this memory of coffee and the flavor of the smell of coffee. And I think last week they just opened the biggest starbucks in the world in tokyo and these people devour coffee like no other and the idea is like the takeaway for me the reason why i tell the story all the time is like change comes from underneath you know is this how they approached it they actually did it that way that's that's that's the same guy the consultant rapai i think his name is and he's a book or something i'll call the culture code my buddy's doing like a series with him trying to break it down but the the idea is like if you want to change any it's the same reason why i did my

shit on youtube is like if you want to change any industry or something like that it's never going to come within the traditional structure you know i mean it's like i would never be able to do the type of jokes i was doing on on maybe you are and the bigs can but me they'd be like i don't that jokes about you know trans people you can't do that etc so it's like if i want to make it okay i got to do it outside you know i have to go a little bit outside of the industry and make it okay and the way they were thinking was hey let's get underneath and just fucking grow these ideas in i feel like that's why we fight wars over ideas all the time. It's like people understand, oh shit, if people start believing in socialism or whatever the new thing they want us to be afraid of now,

they believe in it and it sounds good enough, they'll want it. So we got to nip this in the bud in Vietnam. Yeah. You know? There's a little bit of that. I mean, Vietnam is super complicated. Depending on who you ask, most likely it was about heroin. The whole war, you think?

A lot of it. Yeah, a lot of it was about the heroin trade. Billions and billions and billions of dollars controlling the heroin trade. Really? Yeah, 100%. More so than the spread of this ideology. A lot of Afghanistan is about the heroin trade. My understanding was, yeah, I understood that a little bit more.

Heroin ramped up radically look there's all sorts of positive aspects to uh most of the ideas that they push right right there's positive aspects of trying to stop terrorism there's positive aspects to trying to stop radical fundamentalists from taking over parts of the world and radicalizing segments of the population and making these terrorist cells and attacking cities and doing a lot of things that we know really do happen. That's true. But what's also true, it's a hotbed for heroin. So it's a win-win. There's a Geraldo Rivera segment on Fox News where Geraldo Rivera was talking to soldiers who were guarding poppy fields, and they were explaining that the U.S. soldiers had to guard the fucking heroin because this is how they got these Afghani farmers to cooperate

against the radical fundamentalists that were running these religious sects. Watch this shit. Put the headphones on. Look at this. Fighting the opium trade. The executed invasion of Marjah, this town in the middle of Helmand province, was the easy part. The hard part now is governing this province, a province, as you suggest, that has become

addicted to opium in many, many ways. That is the principal crop that is being grown here. The Taliban lend the farmers the money. They are indebted to the Taliban. They have to grow the opium. Now the Marines in their success are in a sense a victim of their success because now the population is, you know, they have these opium fields and we are tolerating it. We are tolerating the cultivation of the opium because we know that if we were to destroy it now, the population would turn against the Marines, and it would be a real security risk. Let me introduce Lieutenant Colonel Brian Christmas.

He's the commanding officer of the 3rd Battalion, 6th Marines. Really a wonderful group of Marines here. Is this okay to play on YouTube, or is this going to be a problem? Let's pull this now. Stop now. Stop now because they're getting heavy handed against copyright violation. This is interesting because this is the gray area we're talking about. This was early in the war. I mean, this is like, what was that from?

I want to say that was probably from 2005. Yeah, dude, this is. Doesn't? Yeah, this is the gray, right? gray right this is hey this is how a country makes its money there's it's not just that someone's profiting there's fucking billions for their gdp some one is profiting i do not know where the money's all going but there are billions of dollars involved in heroin right billions people are buying it all over the world 90 something percent of it comes from afghanistan do the math just do

the math we're still there i mean sturgill simpson wrote a bit about it or wrote a song about it and they played that song on saturday night live and i don't even think they knew what the fuck the song was about right i mean he's up there playing a song about the government being involved in the heroin trade i mean it's does there's something to it there's some and you say oh it's a conspiracy theory stop stop there really is billions of dollars in heroin being grown in Afghanistan. The production of heroin really did ramp up considerably after the U.S. invasion. Is it possible that this is their commerce? Country singer goes on SNL, exposes Afghan heroin trade, and no one even noticed.

That's my boy, Sturgeon Simpson. But is it possible that this is their commerce? In the same way like Some communities fish This community plants poppies And they Perhaps What are they doing

With all that money That's the question Buying more goats Are they getting What are they doing Afghani goats are delicious Have you heard No

I don't know what they're doing I don't know I just can't imagine Someone Is not getting a cut of this. And I can't imagine that there's no mainstream investigative work that's being done to sort of expose us. I don't know. I mean, I might be wrong.

Forget the cut. Why not? Maybe these farmers are not making all the money. Maybe the money's all going to drug dealers and we let that happen. That'd be fucked up. It'd be cool if they got it, but like, look, the world is fucked, bro. Like, this shit ain't peaches and cream, man.

It's like every time I see one of these stupid Senate hearings where they're like, did you do some bad things in South America? It's like, yeah. Yeah. Bad shit happens. When Trudeau was involved in that thing in, like, what is it? Libya? You know, like when they were bribing, you hear about this? Trudeau from from canada yeah there's this big scandal up there in canada

because he was involved you know with this company which is a quebec company that was that paid like 36 million dollars to bribe the libyan government for like some contracts and it's like well yeah that's how shit gets done over there you bribe the government for contracts and these people in the canadian government like how could he this is against his policies it's like no no welcome to the real world you're operating in the one percent of the world which has these rules we just made the fuck up of fairness and equality and equity and all this bullshit it's like the real world is hey i'd like to do this can i give you some money and we make it happen the real world is, hey, I'd like to do this. Can I give you some money and we make it happen? The real world is Geraldo Rivera walking through heroin fields talking to a general. That's the real fucking world.

Yeah. There's a lot of that. Yeah. I mean, it would be nice if everywhere was like America. But I don't know if it, that's what's really fucked up, right? Like with this Fairphone shit. I don't know if that gets done. like with this Fairphone shit,

I don't know if that gets done. I don't know if you get an iPhone unless it's getting made by someone who's making $5 a week. I don't know if you do. And if you do get it, how much does it cost? Tons. What is it, like $3,000?

How much does it cost? How much is an iPhone? Who's going to pay that? Like, you're already struggling. You already got two kids. You know what I mean? Like, you bills to pay. Like, you're going to spend $3,000 when you're already struggling. You already got two kids. You know what I mean? Like, you bills to pay. Like, you're going to spend $3,000 when you're already struggling.

We're operating from a place where we have some excess. People are trying to make it every day here. They don't give a... That's why the election shit is so simple to me. Like, the Democrats are going to offer money and Republicans are going to offer jobs. And you see it happening right now. It's like every platform for the dems on some level is here's some money hey we should look into reparations here's some money your boy yang who's on here

how long we just give everybody a thousand dollars here's some money yeah just giving money right yeah let's break up facebook and well that's one of the reasons why for hard-working people the republicans are so attractive even though a lot of people they fall into a lower income community like that they're not these rich cats they would think they would be looking to have you know like big business succeed but the message is that you roll up your sleeves and you get to work and that you work hard you don't get a free ride and they like that that's also one of the reasons why people that are Republicans are more likely to be involved in churches and a lot of church going

organizations because that's where their community comes from and community support instead of getting community support from the government they get community support from local churches so you have your support you have your we all need that man

that's something that really is missing with atheists yes community yeah and they're miserable yeah they're i've never met this happy atheist it's like they're vegans it's like stop convincing me that god doesn't don't if you believe it we're good. You don't need to convince me. Right. If you are trying to convince me, it's because you don't believe it. Well, it's not that they don't believe it. It's just that they're overzealous. Dude, people who are overzealous are overcompensating for something, right?

A lot of times. What are you overcompensating for with God? Because you know shit is bigger than you. Because you fucking look up sometimes and you're looking at the stars and you're like fuck something's up i don't know what it is i don't know if it's god i don't know if it's aliens i don't know what's going on but you are minuscule yeah and that's hard for people to take man it's like but you think that's why they're really into pushing atheism i think it's because the religion that they they see is so offensively stupid i mean look there was a funny thing that happened the other day where pete davidson did a I think it's because the religion that they see is so offensively stupid.

I mean, look, there was a funny thing that happened the other day where Pete Davidson did a joke on SNL about the Catholic Church, and the Catholic Church demanded an apology. Right. Forgive him. Yeah. You're the forgiveness people. Why do you need an apology? How about he made a joke about child molesting, and you guys are the number one kid fucking organization in the world.

How about stop worrying about jokes And paying attention to the fact that You basically run a kid fucking organization That also sells Jesus KFF Kid fucking factory bro That's what it is man In a lot of ways

And But at the same time There's the gray area Because they do a lot of fucking good Yes They save a lot of people's lives They feed a lot of people Right

Yep So it's like they they give people community they give people a place to connect yes yeah we're in the most connected time in history and we're the most fucking disconnected think about that we've got a million friends on you know facebook and all these other things and people are lonely because we're connected with electronic devices connected and we're not that connected with life. Right. And we're connected to outcome. Right. We're connected to,

oh, did this picture I post get enough likes? Yeah. Right. That's where they really fuck people, with likes. Once they figured out how to get people

like supremely addicted to interactions and exchanges and likes, man. Dude, you know when, like,

you know movies in the morning morning you wake up and you smoke a cigarette right like that was what the movies we watched coming up like that was the first thing that the badass or something like that did in the movie wake up roll over undo the pack you know whatever it will be look at your phone's mentions there's gonna be some of that that's gonna be what these characters do yep yep so it's like what do you do you got kids do you take do you say no how do you how do you teach your kid i don't have kids i don't know but like i think about this all the time how do i teach my kid to not put his whole fucking value in the hands

of get him involved in sports because you learn Yeah You learn reality You learn reality Yeah You If you don't get that ball In the net It does not score You know There's no points for effort Yeah there's no You don't

It doesn't work that way You gotta learn What real life is And you gotta learn That There is It feels uncomfortable To fail

But that uncomfortable Feeling that you get is fuel. Will you let your kids fail? Will you let them fall on their face? They fall on their face all the time. My kids do sports. They've been involved in athletics in some form, whether it's martial arts or gymnastics, since they were little. They do things that are difficult.

We do stuff as a family that are difficult. We do escape rooms. We play games. We do things that are hard. I stuff as a family that are difficult We do like escape rooms We play games We do things that are hard I don't let them win Good Yeah I mean my little one I let her win sometimes and stuff

Like we play carnival games against each other or something like that I'll let her Carnival games? Yeah like go to like Circus Circus Like when I was in Vegas I was in Vegas for this thing that my daughter was doing So I took my youngest daughter to Circus Circus Playing these carnival games.

Okay. I let her beat me a bunch of times. Shh, don't tell her. But that's, we're having fun. We're just laughing, being silly, talking trash to each other too. Yes. She high fives me and stuff. It's fun.

But I think there's value in learning that it sucks to lose. Yes. Because that makes you reassess like what you did that the other person did better and how do I beat them? Yeah. It's like when we're talking about weed, but weed making you nervous and makes you paranoid. Like I like that.

What I like is look, I'm entirely too successful. I like, I like to feel vulnerable. I think there's a lot of good to that, you know, like legitimately. I like that feeling because it makes me more connected.

It makes me more humble. What do you mean you're too successful? Well, you can only have so much success in this life before you start thinking that you're different than other people. You know, you're thinking that you're something special. Look, if you're on a path, right, if everybody's on a path and you start off here and then X amount of years later, you're something special no yeah it's you look if you're on a path right if everybody's on a path and you start off here and then x amount of years later you're way away yeah you could start thinking oh i'm better than all those motherfuckers yeah but you're not you're just you just have been on this path longer and you haven't fallen off of it you've figured out what you need to do to stay

on that path we know a lot of people that were on the path at one time in their career and then something happened and they lost their enthusiasm or their body wasn't as healthy or whatever the fuck happened and they dropped off i'm still on that path why i'm because i figured it out what is it keep going keep going don't be a pussy keep working improve objectively analyze your performance look at what you're doing wrong treat everything with respect treat all of your endeavors with focus and intensity and intention look at what you're doing and and pay attention and do the work do the goddamn work do the writing do the performing you'll see me i'll do four or five sets a night in la i'm doing 15 20 minutes half hour i'll do an hour here i'll go down the

ice house i'll do an hour ice house i'm go down to the ice house. I'll do an hour at the ice house. I'm doing two shows at the ice house tomorrow night. I go. I go. There's no excuses. I go. To me, the way I've got it set up, it's great. My kids go to bed.

By the time my kids are in bed, I leave. You're out. I say goodnight. I tuck them in. I'm out the door. I'm headed to the club. I'm home in four hours. When I'm done done i get in front of the computer and i write i write i get up in the morning i see him off to school go back to sleep or i go to the gym i get things

done keep moving yes gotta keep moving a shark my job is the task it's like my job is i'm trying like right now it's the most exciting time for me uh in my career arc my uh my my comedy arc because my comedy arc is put out a special it's very exciting when you're putting out a special but then the most exciting time is you know my special came out in october so then those months afterwards where it's just mad rush to create a new a new hour yeah and solidifying perspectives and honing material and uncovering new layers and looking at it and reanalyzing it and stepping back and listening to it drunk and listening to it sober yeah and and and smoking weed and going over it again and just spending time mashing the keys, spending time looking at the notes, all of that. You can type your stuff?

Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, I type. It's very valuable to be able to type because you can get out your thoughts way quicker than you can writing. Yeah. Writing makes you remember it better, though. Right.

You remember it better when you write it down physically on paper. So if you look at my notebooks, I'm like a maniac. I write the same thing over and over and over again because i'm just writing down my sets yeah writing down my bits and the key parts of the bit so that i have them solid in my brain yeah but my writing in terms of like my most uh prolific creation of things that i never thought of before comes out writing with a keyboard, writing on a computer. But can you write how you speak?

Nope. But I don't have to. So it's just- I just have to come up with gems. So the gem is here and then you flesh. I write in essay form. That's how I write. Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes.

So say if I was going to write a bit about Geraldo Rivera and the poppy seeds, I would smoke a joint and I would sit down and i would just go heraldo rivera with his porn mustache strolling around these train killers in afghanistan wearing his goofy ass fucking tie right i wonder how those dudes think and then i started thinking what are those dudes think about strutting around puffing his chest out hanging around all these guys been blowing people's brains out for the last six months protecting america while they're also simultaneously protecting heroin like what the fuck kind of feeling is that when your boy gets shot protecting a fucking heroin field and it doesn't even make it into the paper and then i'll just start going and going and going and going and

i might type out a few thousand words and then when i go back i might have two lines right or uh or a seed then i'll take that seed on stage and then i'll try to see if i could water that bitch or if it's toxic right i don't know you don't know how long will you give the toxic bit depends depends on the bit some bits are just juicy right out of the box some bits you just start them up and you're like oh we got one kids yeah yeah you know and what about the ones. But what about the ones that don't work but you know there's something there? How long will you seed it? How long will you water it? Depends on how intense it is.

It depends on what's there for me. Like I had this bit about Bruce Jenner, like what really happened with Bruce Jenner. Okay. And I had to try to figure out how do I make fun of this guy becoming a woman? How do I do this? How do I figure out how to do this? And the way to do it for me was to make fun of myself living with all women. Because I have a wife and I have three daughters and it's like all this feminine energy around me and that they diminish my manhood.

So that I had this like that I've never been happier but yeah i've never been more of a bitch in my life and i had this whole long path and then it got to you know i've never been more of a bitch in my life but i'm telling you this i'm not going out like bruce jenner boom and the whole thing was someone's gotta fucking say it i go yeah everyone's like oh he's a woman trapped in a man's body I'm like maybe maybe or

maybe if you live with crazy bitches long enough you fucking become one okay and then I then I got into this whole bit about the

the Kardashians becoming like these gargoyles and hovering over his bed and talking to him while he's sleeping and he's it's like but I had to figure out a way to do that bit right it took a long time yeah there's a uh that's something i would love people i would love for people to know i mean i do this i do this show

called inside jokes where i just get comics to come and we we take our most divisive premises that don't work and we work it out together yeah and Yeah And it'll be so cool to do it with you man We'll do it I'll definitely do it You know Chris Rock went through that With his probably one of his most famous bit Right One of his most famous bits is I love black people I hate n-words

So that bit is one of his Most popular all time bits He told me he bombed with that for a year Yeah A year Yeah But Chris is a fucking workhorse most popular all-time bits he told me he bombed with that for a year of yeah a year yeah said he couldn't get it to work yeah but chris is a fucking workhorse some people don't know about chris man like this is a great story that exposed everything about him he was filming his special at the apollo in new york and um there was an after party for his own special that he left so that he

could go work on that set at the strip wow so that's work yeah right you gotta do man the guy didn't become one of the biggest stand-ups of all time but it seemed like the shit kev works yeah he's out there it makes you tired exhausting yeah yeah we get it you can jog yeah yeah it's like with him it's like he's like our joke version of the rock you know you know what i'm saying like because you fucking never never ends it's all private jets and hitting the gym and yeah and fucking concerts in front of 50 million people he's it's the same shit man like this isn't an accident and the ones who would when it is an accident they get exposed the ones that are faking the funk boy that's the reason why netflix took out the fucking thumbs up thumbs down the funk boy that's the reason why Netflix took out the fucking

thumbs up thumbs down you know all that shit remember when they they like because there was a few of those specials

that look there's specials that have been on comedy on HBO I don't know what you're talking about there's been ones on

YouTube YouTube is interesting because they still have this thumbs up thumbs down you know which people do game but the still have this thumbs up, thumbs down, which people do game. But the reality of that thumbs up, thumbs down is you get to see what the fuck people really think. Absolutely.

To a certain extent. I think it's 100% bullshit at this point. Come on. It was useful, but now back to your point that you have a whole bit about. How many thumbs up and thumbs down have you ever clicked on zero right yeah so a certain subset of the population is thumbs up and thumbs down it's like well it's like people leave comments yeah yeah or write reviews for fucking food right i think madrigal has a you've heard of madrigal's bit about that no i forget like i don't want to butcher it but it's something about like someone left like a like a three out of five review and it's like who the fuck are you like i get if you loved it

right or you hated it right but the that's good to write about well some people fancy themselves to be like foodies and a journalist you know exploring the subtle nuances of cuisine if you're hungry it's good it is but when you see a guy like andrew zimmerman traveling around the world and doing that or you see anthony bourdain or a lot of these people you think i want to be like that for culture though yeah right it was like it was more than just food it was like what does this food say about the people some of the other guy like like i mean i don't know what is it the weird food guy yeah i mean first of all he looks like a salmon and it's just weird to like just fucking stare at this guy do you know what i mean like it's just odd it's just the whole thing is when you look at him right yeah it's just i don't know he's making his way up a fish ladder he's trying

to get he's trying to get up the stream jesus Christ. Bro, he's a salmon. I would say a tuna. Okay, he's got a little tuna in him. Hmm. Handsome fella. Gorgeous. Could be on a bill. Anyway. Yeah, I don't know why the fuck they're leaving these things.

But it's, you know, some people want a voice. They invested so much money in certain things that were getting downlikes. And I was like, all right. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I guess they were doing it with stars, and I was like, all right, let's... Yeah, yeah. I guess they were doing it with stars, right? Was it stars with Netflix? Yeah.

Yeah, they pulled the star system. Too bad I had a lot of motherfucking stars, bitch. Yeah, people are going to watch yours regardless. I think you give them an added value. There's certain people that give Netflix the added value, and there's certain people that want the value from Netflix. But it's also they're documenting some of the greatest standup specials in the history of standup. There's like the Chappelle specials, the two recent ones that he did. They're putting that stuff out there and they're doing it in a way where no one else would

do it. Like HBO, which was the gold standard for the longest time, they would never do two Dave Chappelle specials at the same time. Netflix is like, okay. We'll do. Dave's like, I got this new shit I want to do. I'm going to do it in the belly room at the comedy store. You know, and Dave was so ridiculous about it.

Dave and I were downstairs while he was doing this, while he was filming this. We were downstairs in the smoking area of the comedy store, getting high as fuck. And he was so casual about it. He's like, hey, man, you want to do a set? in the smoking area of the comedy store, getting high as fuck. Yeah. And he was so casual about it. He's like, hey, man, you want to do a set? You did a set on the bird? I said, no, no, I just want to watch. I said, no, no, I did three sets tonight.

I'm just going to chill and hang out in the back of the room. But he was so relaxed. Like, during his special being taped, he's offering me a guest set. He's like, hey, man, you want to do a set? You know, he still shows up. He'll fly to places and show up and just do guest sets yeah i was in denver i come out the green room it's friday night and chapelle's in the green room and i go hey man he goes hey joe i go what are you doing it's my man i just felt like coming to denver i go you want to do a set

he's like oh yeah fuck it so i bring him up on stage the audience is leaving they're leaving and i said come back yeah and they're like what yeah everybody comes back he does 40 minutes yeah it was amazing because it's but he just that's how he's doing it he's like he's doing it for the art he's not doing it because he's making any money loves he did a free 40 minute show for these people that came there to see me yeah he fucking loves it and it's loves it and it's it's like true with him man he's a perfect example of it just being true he'll show up monday night at the comedy store in front of 13 people yeah and he'll go on stage he'll do a half an hour in front of 13 people and he'll drink and he'll smoke cigarettes and he'll talk shit and laugh at his own jokes and everybody has like one of the most

magical experiences as a as a audience member you could ever have I was young comic in New York and there was a place

called the Comedy Village which was the Boston do you remember the Boston sure so it became Comedy Village when did it become the Village it's done now but now it's like

a Japanese restaurant Japs restaurant no cut it Jamie cut it no but there's a and this is I'm like barking, asking people to come in off the street. Right.

How old were you when you started? 23, 23, 23. Yeah. And Chappelle comes in and when he gets on stage, there's probably 13 people in the crowd. Right. And the fucking word gets out and you just see people start slowly, there's probably 13 people in the crowd, right? And the fucking word gets out. And you just see people start slowly – it's like goldfish, you know what I mean? When they can send some little – or ducks or something like that when they send some breads coming in the pond.

And the place was packed within like 20 minutes. Wow. People outside. It was just everybody texting their friend. Oh, my God. Chappelle's here. It was so crazy. And he did six hours.

What? Bro. What? Unreal, dude. Unreal. There were girls like falling asleep or something. Maybe four hours. Six hours? friend oh my god chapelle's here it was so crazy and he did six hours what bro unreal dude unreal there were there were girls like falling asleep or something maybe four hours maybe four hours something like that it was one of these long ones land it it it's it was jazz right it wasn't like it wasn't like i'm doing bits and i'm murdering the whole time he has this ability to make the audience comfortable intention so that it is not anxiety inducing right what what he can do is talk to you for five minutes straight without a punch line yeah as an audience member you're not going oh my god is this guy is this guy not funny

well that was when he was he was doing that for a while and where he wasn't doing scheduled shows. All he was doing was these pop-ins. And not only that, but he brought a fucking speaker and set up a microphone in the park in Seattle. Outdoor. Outdoor. You know he did that early on. Yeah, I was there. I watched it. I watched him do it in Montreal.

In New York or in Montreal? I saw him do it in Montreal. We did a set together At Club Soda And after we got outside We went outside And Dave Just said Gather round people Gather round

And he started doing stand up To people in the street And they were like What in the fuck And he was probably like 20 So do you know William Stevenson

Yeah Comic rest in peace Sure Yeah just died recently And he was one of the Original like comedy In the park guys Doing stand up

In the park Charlie Barnett was the original. And Barnett, yeah, Barnett. And Dave would go with those dudes. Yep, yep, yep. And can you imagine a more hostile environment for stand-up? Than New York City Park. Than New York City Park!

You're competing with guys doing front flips over Swedish tourists. And then there's a guy just with jokes hanging on his you know handling his own it's like then you put him on a stage with lights and fucking mic

and a seat and some cigarettes that's yeah it's strength training it's like running with weights on so how do the question is

how do we do that like how do you find that the more successful you get when you have people that are coming to see you no matter what, where do we get our strength training? Where do we get our—

Smoke weed and get paranoid. That's what I'm saying, bro. That's what I got to do, though. Feel vulnerable. That's what I got to do. You got to get vulnerable. Lose control. You got to feel scared.

Yeah, feel nervous. I like it. I really do. I do it all— I joke around on stage about how I take edibles when I go to the airport because I like feeling. I want to know what the fuck's really bothering me. But it's really true. I really do do that.

I take an edible when I fly just so I can freak out. Because you're too comfortable with this weird thing. Get something out of that. Yeah, get something out of that freaking out. I'll find out where the holes in my game are. I'll find out where my mental game is lacking. What's really bothering me? And then things that freak me out that I don't like about myself, I work on them.

I fix them. I visit the wizard. You've got to visit the wizard. I wonder if this comes from having a fighting background because the one thing about fighting is if you have a hole in your game it's exposed in the most brutal way yeah right everything else in life you can ignore the holes in your game yep you can just be like oh i'm not a bad storyteller they were just busy i concentrate on my strengths yeah boxing or fight whatever it is it's just like i better keep my hand up yep you better patch up those holes bitch maybe that's what it is with standard yeah i think that's what it is with me

um just that's my formula i mean i don't recommend it to everybody because everybody doesn't have the same personality like you might not have those same deficiencies like it actually might be psychologically damaging to some people to get as high as i get you know like it might fuck with your head too much where you don't come back from i come back like a nicer person but i'm in the same throes of fucking agony that a lot of people are when they get too high so you're purposely yeah fucking yourself in my system yeah i purposely freak myself the fuck out yeah and you don't think you'd be able to create without it oh i definitely could but not as good i don't know if i can as good but i know it works i like doing it i like doing it because uh i always benefit from it i feel like i come back

from those little paranoid journeys like a little bit of a better person and i think it's been responsible along with other psychedelics and becoming a father all those things maybe a better person maybe a nicer person maybe more compassionate more understanding more friendly well yeah more understanding is the big one more more just i get it i you know i don't want to be confident all the time i don't want to always be successful like like you know i mean it's just like good people listening right now that like that's all they want but they haven't experienced the other side of the coin yeah do you know what i'm saying but when people get too confident and then they have an audience right if you have an audience that's part of the problem is we've all seen this when comics become really successful

they they work to their own crowd and they don't do sets. They don't do a set like I'll do at the store or you'll do where there's like 10 people on the line. Right, right, right. And they might be there to see D'Elia. They might be there to see fucking Eliza. They might not be there to see me at all. Right.

But I want to hit those motherfuckers. Yes. I want to hit them hard. And they want to go, oh, look at this meat you know look at this fucking chimp looking dude what's he gonna say like you can't be smart and funny you can't be interesting whatever their biases is i gotta figure out a way to soothe that over and the best way to do that is you got to perform in hostile environments occasionally yeah you know this is all so critical man yeah so critical have good openers.

Yeah. Killers. Killers. I bring murderers with me on the road. Only way to do it. I bring Joey Diaz on the road with me, man. I brought Joey Diaz on the road for years. I would tell people they would get white in the face.

They'd be like, what? Who opened for you in Dallas? Oh, Diaz did. Joey Diaz? They'd get nervous. Like, you brought Joey Diaz In front of 6,000 people Joey Diaz Opened for you

Yeah And you ain't seen Murderer You ain't seen Real murder You ain't seen Joey Diaz At the Chicago theater

In front of 3,700 people Yeah And the fucking Lights are dimming Yeah Like the lights are He's fucking crushing so hard People are falling down

Yeah They're in pain Yeah In pain Yeah You've never seen him live i've really wanted to when i was in la i'll set it up how long are you down for i gotta go tomorrow you're leaving tomorrow yeah is he around tonight i'll find out i would love to he might be he might be doing a set at the store tonight i'll ask him man there's he's the goat in my opinion really

yep whoa i never seen anybody funnier whoa he's he might not be the best writer he might not have the most consistently crafted hours but in terms of the highest highs that motherfucker breaks through the magnetosphere and he wiggles out into the outer atmosphere of space like no one he hits these highs where like comics comics work are crying like holding your stomach crying and he's screaming and yelling and it's like you ain't seen nothing like it man he was on stage i wrote about i put it on my instagram the other day he crushed so hard and i can't even say what he was talking about I don't want to butcher it He crushes so hard And with such

Controversial material Unapologetic Push At one point in time people were like What the fuck He goes what do you want from me I'm almost dead You think I give a fuck And people were dying

I mean dying I don't think there's ever been a person I've seen everybody. I've seen everybody, dude. I've seen everybody from Rock to Chappelle to Louis CK. I watched Sam Kinison when he was alive. I saw Bill Hicks when he was alive. I opened up. I had a follow prior when he was dying for five weeks in a row.

But I saw prior live. I've seen everybody live. I saw Martin Lawrence when he was in his prime. People forget how funny Martin Lawrence was. weeks in a row but i saw prior live i've seen everybody live i saw martin lawrence and he's in his prime people forget how funny martin lawrence was he was destroyed i saw him back when he was wearing leather jumpsuits he would go on stage realize man v-neck leather jumpsuits and smash smash i would have to go on after him but i never saw anybody like Joey. Joey's on another level. Who's your toughest follow? Joey. Without a doubt.

Yeah, man. You got to ride that wave. But that's what's good about it. It's like if you're funny and you're working on your stuff and you enjoy comedy, you go on stage already laughing. So you go on stage already in a good mood. That's what's up. Part of a tough tough follow is two things one you're used to going on after scrubs and there's a lot of guys that are good comics but they like to bring scrubs in the row with them and then they get settled in in that easy sort of i'm gonna save the show exactly

there's a lot of guys that do that man they'll take guys on the road with them that really are barely professionals. And these guys are filling theaters. And they're bringing weak acts. And they force this audience to sit through a half an hour of bullshit before they go on stage. And then there's guys who don't do it like that. Look, I don't know who was doing it that way before i was doing it but my thought was i like if a guy makes me nervous when i go on after him that's gonna make me ramp it up like i don't i don't walk on stage cold i'm backstage throwing punches and

doing jumping jacks i'm doing breathing exercises when I come on stage I'm fucking guns blazing Yeah That's And if you go on After Joey Diaz When he hits that crescendo You better be ready Bro

When you came into the store I remember I was about To ask you something And you were on the wall And then you just Folded in half And touched your toes And I was like

What the fuck is going I can barely touch my ankles Bro I was like Alright this is ritual I'm gonna let him do his thing Before he gets on Yeah I could barely touch my ankles. All right, this is ritual. I'm going to let him do his thing before he gets off. Yeah, I loosen up. Yeah.

Yeah, I get loose. And I figured out that over time, you can just walk on stage and everything will be fine. Yeah. Or you walk on stage with already, you got some intention. Yeah. Sometimes I got to remind myself of certain things to get up there. The most important thing I learned is reminding myself that this crowd wasn't at the last show.

Yeah. Like sometimes you can take that energy from the early show and you're just bodying it and you're like, Oh, I got this. Let's go. Let's just walk right in. They weren't there.

They didn't see you kill. Can't do that. Can't do that. Yeah. You know, you gotta, you gotta always, always appreciate the audience's attention span.

And that's something that I've really learned from Boston. In Boston, it's cold as fuck. The women aren't the prettiest in the world. Yeah. And people are angry. Yeah. And they got to work in the morning. You got to be ready on a Tuesday night.

I did this thing and it never got picked up, but I put it out as part of this series. Essentially, it's like I emulated Bourdain's thing. I wanted to look at a city through the lens of comedy instead of food right and i the first city i picked was boston because all my favorite comics are from boston and i'm like why the fuck has this city produced so much funny what is it immigrant people is that it yeah so they landed no matter what type of funny yeah patrice o'neill's my goat Right So it's like But Patrice He's one of the goats for sure You can do one Bill Burr is too

One liners Bill Burr Whatever Steven Steven Wright Steven Wright Do you know what I mean Conan is from the area

We're talking about All different types of comedy Silverman's I think From New Hampshire Or something like that Right But like There's something about the region

That no matter what style You see You're funny Come from here Yeah Where you're from right? But like, there's something about the region that no matter what style you see, you're funny. Come from here. Where you're from, area, what part is it? Newton.

Newton. Boston. You're actually, yeah, yeah, yeah. I started in Boston. I knew you started there, but I didn't know if you were from the city or one of the outskirts.

Well, I was born in New Jersey, but I lived all throughout my high school years and everything. I lived in Boston. So it's like, what the, what the fuck is it about this city

It's cold It's cold as fuck It's cold in Minnesota There's something there man Minnesota's too cold You need to be warming up to talk to people You need to be warming up before you go outside Also

It's a scene It's like a scene has to be established too because boston does not have the scene it used to have in the 80s right but la has a better scene than ever yes and scenes are fluid they come and they go you know like denver has a scene and they have a scene because of wendy who who owns the comedy works yeah but there's there's different places that have scenes and barry crimmins and lenny clark and steve sweeney and don gavin all those guys that were part of the ding ho in the 1980s and steve was on my podcast those guys created a scene and through that scene and because they were all competing with each

other for spots on the tonight show and all these different little venues they they created a a monster dynamic where all these young guys were coming up following these killers and i was very fortunate to be one of those guys and that's why i wanted to talk to steve and tell him that on the show it's like i saw that fucking guy i saw that guy murder murder to the woman no and nobody was watching in terms of like national audience. It was just Boston. But he would go on stage at Nick's Comedy Stop and level the crowd. Leveled it like a fucking hydrogen bomb dropped in the middle of the room. Just boom.

So you learn what killing is. Yeah. I feel like one of the toughest things about the alternative scenes, and I'm not knocking necessarily the comedy, but the litmus test for murdering is different. When I was coming up in New York and and i had to follow you know rest in peace mike uh di stefano you know grier barnes guys that maybe are not household names but people don't know grier grier is a beast grier and i did shows together we did colleges together bro back on the road way in the 90s if if you want to know at least for me if you want to know what

chapelle is chapelle is tony woods and greer he is a tony was another beast but tony is unfathomable but like he is the gremlin that popped off of both of their backs like if you could mold them together like everything that is amazing about tony and amazing about greer well i mean that's how it is with music that's how it is with everything we need each other you know that's why when i see a guy like you coming up i'm like oh good thank you i'm happy you're around i like it i like comedy if i stop doing comedy tomorrow i want more comedy to watch i love a lot i love laughing yeah i like that's why i tell you I sit down and watch Joey Diaz I fucking love comedy

But the thing about Joey is Joey has new material all the fucking time You go see Joey now And you see him four months from now You'll see a whole new set Yeah I gotta see Joey while I'm out here He's the best man You watch him

I'm gonna try to see if he's Where's he at? You guys have a show I think Maybe I'll run over What time? Let me know if he's doing a spot. You watch him. I'm going to try to see if he's. Where's he at? You guys have a show, I think. Maybe I'll run over. When is he at? Comedy store. What time?

8 o'clock show. Oh, he's on the 8 o'clock show? Yeah. You're on the 8 o'clock show. But maybe he'll pop over. He'll probably be on later. I'll find out when he's up. Yeah. Whose show's tonight at the comedy store?

He's on the show a year before. The 8 o'clock version of the Skylar Sister show. Oh. Am I on that tonight? 10 o'clock, I think. I am? Well, that's what it said. Oh. Am I on that tonight? 10 o'clock I think. I am? Well that's what it said. Okay.

Oh yeah I guess I am. Alright. I forgot. Well I know I have a set at the store. I guess I have two. Yeah I just gotta see them. Let's wrap this up.

Andrew. Thank you. Here we go. Skylar Stone. Oh look at that. I'm on that. Interesting. Alright. Beautiful. Cool. Alright motherfuckers. Andrew Thank you Here we go Skylar Stone Oh look at that I'm on that Gang Interesting Alright

Beautiful Cool Alright motherfuckers That's it Tell everybody where to find your shit Oh YouTube YouTube.com

Slash TheAndrewSchultz You check out TheAndrewSchultz Yeah Andrew Schultz was taken No T in Schultz And then Twitter and Instagram Just AndrewSchultz

And Yeah check out the special man If you love it And you know If you like it Share it with your friends That'd be awesome if not you know i appreciate you even just watching so thank you so much for having me man this is a great combo thanks for being you i'm excited i appreciate it i love it i love seeing guys like you come up i appreciate you all right bye everybody

we'll see you soon Thank you.