The Joe Rogan Experience - #1270 - Lenny Clarke

Episode Date: March 25, 2019

Lenny Clarke is a legendary Boston comic and actor.

five four three two one fucking yeehaw lenny clark ladies and gentlemen and his brother mike mike clark the second man to ever give me paid work ever in my entire professional career opening up for lenny at jay's in pittsfield yeah right right yeah. I remember that place. Norm LaFoe gig. I don't even know if Norm's around anymore, but I remember that gig like it was yesterday. That guy paid my rent many times. Many times. Good guy.

And you did too. Working for you paid my rent. I worked for Mike, one of the craziest gigs I ever did. I think it was a one and done. You never did it again. It was a restaurant, and I was in the seating area, and the microphone for the people when they announced their table was tied to the PA system.

So you'd be in the middle of this punchline. You'd be like, so I said to the guy, Clark, party two. Party two, Clark, your table's ready. Like, oh, no. That wasn't the Mexican place down in Cape, was it? No, it wasn't a mexican place it was a seafood place oh oh yeah i had a lot of one-nighters back in the day well that was the beautiful thing about being a comic in boston is that if you lived in boston you could

go anywhere within like an hour two hours outside the city and work basically every weekend yeah well tuesday through sunday joe yeah yeah We were working seven nights a week at one point. That's crazy. It was so much, you know. And cash. Yeah, cash. Cash. Cash.

Cash. Well, it was amazing, but it was also terrible because a lot of people were very bad with the taxes. And they- I always, my mother told me, don't fool around with the taxes or the mob. You might have been the only guy. Oh, I paid. I paid. Well, you might have been the only guy oh i paid i paid

well you might have been the only guy everybody else got hamstringed yeah noxie got killed kenny got killed they all got killed and then when they got killed it was like hundreds of thousands it was bad because it was years and years and you know and you got to make that up like fuck yeah yeah there's no getting out there's no getting out you wind up paying it for the rest of your life it's like student loans or something you know what are you doing out. There's no getting out. You wind up paying it for the rest of your life. It's like student loans or something. What are you doing out here? What's going on? I came out to do this.

Just this? No, just a little bit more. I was going to do Kimmel, but Smilf got canceled. What is Smilf? Single mother, I'd like to fuck. It was on Showtime. It was a show you were doing? It's come to this, yeah.

And I played Rosie O'Donnell's love interest Wow And I love Rosie I gave Rosie a break 35 years ago She never forgot it And she's always been great to me So we were gonna do that And then it didn't pan out

And the show got cancelled So for sexual impropriety or something It had nothing to do with me Oh really? That's why it got canceled? Yeah evidently. I don't know.

Someone behind the scenes? Yeah. Yeah I don't know what happened. Used to be that was the norm. Now shows get

canceled for that. Crazy. And now oh thank God they didn't have cameras. Cell phones early on. I'd still be

doing time. I'd be in forever. You kidding me? Then we're going down to do the Navy Seals Family Foundation, a big fundraiser

we do every year. Is that in San Diego? Yeah, yeah, yeah, down at Coronado and a good buddy of ours, Kerry Jackson, is this Navy Seal that we golfed with one day

and we've been in touch with ever since. They're the real bad ass. Yeah, yeah. Coronado's that island, right? Yes. I've never been. Oh, yeah.

It's supposed to be beautiful. I went down and Mike said, do the obstacle course. I said, all right. So I climbed the rope. Then there's these logs island right yes i've never been oh yeah it's supposed to be beautiful i went down and mike said do the obstacle course it's all right so i climbed the rope that was a then there's these logs and i got into the logs i ran across there was spinning logs no one thought i nearly broke my back that was it i was out a step on them yeah yeah run across they're rolling as you're running as you're running across oh yeah it's not easy not do you have a mouthpiece no I had not because it seems like oh yeah

well thank God we were the only ones out there yeah well at Coronado Island I think that's where Dick Cheney lives is that right

yeah a lot of or Donald Rumsfeld one of them rich warmonger type dudes yeah there's a lot of a lot of money out there I was in Rumsfeld's office

at the Pentagon did you have a cross on you well no but you know my buddy who was with me was reading the stuff on his desk because he's a contractor and he can read upside down. Oh, really? So this

guard, marine or whatever, realized what he was doing and came over and covered it up. I said, what did you see? He goes, not good, not good. It's amazing that those guys are still alive. Oh, yeah. Especially Chaney.

He's got somebody else's heart inside of him. Yeah. Yeah. And he had the person killed for that heart. That's what I used to do. I used to do a bit about it, how he had an extra secret service agent that was only eating vegetables real clean and had to jog every day. He's like, what the fuck?

Why do I have to do all this stuff? It's good. No, it'll be good. Everything will be revealed. Relax. When Dick has a heart attack, they open that guy up like a fish and pull a still beating heart out. Yeah, he had a pump inside of his body at one point in time where he didn't have a heartbeat

because he had this crazy pump that would just circle the blood, but there was no dun-dun-dun-dun. So if someone checked his heartbeat, they would think he's dead. Wow. There was no heartbeat. Wow. So he could fake dead. He could fake dead. In a bad situation.

In a monster movie. Wow. I had the opposite problem. I was doing a show, and they made, you know, years ago when you did a network show, they made you have a- Physical. Physical, yeah. So I went in in and the guy goes

oh my god he goes what he goes you feel okay I feel great your heart is beating 283 beats a minute I go isn't that like a professional he goes that's like a dead man you moron so he said uh this is horrible 283 beats a minute yeah yeah like a pulse like a crazy beat like would go up and down. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a lot. They rushed me to a hospital, but before they did, I said, hey, man, I really need this job. If I give you some money, he goes, are you trying to bribe me? I go, yeah. He goes, we're going to be dead.

I go, if I don't have this job, I don't want to live. I need the job. Jesus. Yeah. So they rushed me in, and then I ate i ate tribute fibrillation and then it was both sides and i hold the record for being jump-started you know when they defibrillations yeah the mass general oh yeah it's like a phone book how many times they do you over 100 they restarted you a hundred times yeah yeah whoa can you see the future

are you there is no future oh jesus Terminator? They finally did the ablation Where they go in And they burn the pot That's flapping And they found out The other side was flapping too So they It was like eight hours

On the table I had this great doctor My friend You know Everlast From the House of Pain Yeah He's got a fake one So he takes the microphone

And puts it up to his chest And it goes Click click click click Click click click Click click click He's got like a fake valve In there Wow A titanium valve so he takes the microphone and puts it up to his chest and it goes click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. He's got like a fake valve in there. Wow. A titanium valve.

It's really creepy. Wow. He puts the microphone right there on his chest and you can hear it. You can hear it through the mic. Oh my God. Mine used to go brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. It was crazy.

But I didn't know. It was asymptomatic, you know. And I said to the doctor, I said, well, what do you think? He said, well, you know, your weight probably has something to do. I said to the doctor I said well what do you think He said well you know Your weight probably has something to do I said well I did a lot of blow

He goes you'd have to do Incredible amounts of blow I said well there's a small mountain In Peru missing And he goes That much Then I go that much Yeah

Well that fucking whole crew I mean Sweeney and I Talked about it When he did the show That whole crew That Nick Comedy Stop crew Was a cocaine Fucking extravaganza.

I was very fortunate that I didn't still have and never did coke. It was not my thing. I went to Columbia to see where it was made. I really did. Really? Yeah, yeah. Because you were a connoisseur? Oh my God. Like doing a wine tour?

It took me two days to score. They said, we sent it all to America, Mr. Lenny. I go, hold up. There's got to be a new shipment. And then I got an ounce of blow for $200. Is that a lot? I couldn't even finish it in a week. But I've tried.

How much is an ounce of blow? What does it look like? You know the Scarface thing? Bigger than that. That's like 28 grams. An ounce of blow. But an ounce of pot is like yeah like yeah like that much how is that the same thing with coke that would seem bigger to me

i had it everywhere yeah i remember the girl said lenny you have to decide whether it's a coke or me i said you want a line for the road i don't know what happened to her but it was it was it was amazing i really really enjoyed Columbia. Did you go there just for coke? Yeah. I went back recently. A couple years ago, I went to do a burn notice. They were filming a movie.

Okay. And they asked me to come down, and I went down there, and I went, I remember some of this. Well, I wasn't doing it now, but I saw Spanish. I had no one to run lines with. When did you stop doing it? 22 years ago. Wow. 23.

Yeah. Wow. That's a good amount of time. Well, I had to. I was doing this movie and I finished it. I had to throw this guy through a wall. And I really liked the guy, you know, and I didn't want to hurt him. And he said, no, no, you got to.

So I put him through the wall and took a door off the hinges. And they said, Lenny, we don't own that door. This is Whitey Bulge's place. I go, hey, man, I'm done after today. You know, someone's going to pay Whitey. So the guy, I finished, and I bought a bag of blow and whiskey and a bag of dope and some beers. And the guy said, you happy? I said, yeah.

He said, you want to get real happy? I said, you don't scare me. He said, we'll pick you up at 6 a.m. So I went back to the hotel and met my buddy, my childhood buddy. And we went out. He said, let's see how many bars we can go to before they charge us for booze. You know, it's like, hey, let's go. So we ended up at the tall ships down at Faneuil Hall.

And the guy didn't know me. So we paid. We said, we'll stay here. Then he realized who I was. Then we drank free. Went back. And we're doing blow. And the door bangs open.

We go, freak. He said, what are you? He said, guys, come on. We're going to like a rave. And he took me to an AA meeting in South Boston. And it just clicked. I thought it was a gag. I had to blow with me, and I said, come on, one's a new line.

Just listen, listen, listen. This is after a bender? After. During a bender. I still had to blow on me. And I thought it was a rave. I thought we were going, you know, with the church. Who took you?

Phil Barano. He's still my sponsor today. Wow. And he's a young kid. And I said, how did you get started? I said, did you have a problem? He says, I used to go into banks with a shotgun. Everyone on the floor.

I go, you can be my sponsor. Wow. And the best thing, Joe, we got sober together. Lenny and I. Same day. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow.

23 years. Yeah. That was the thing about that Whole Boston crew Is that it was all Kind of tied to drugs Oh And the comedy

Had that feel to it Because the comedy Was frantic You know And there was a thing Bang Yeah Bang bang bang

There was a thing about The guys who came out of Boston Like still to this day They had like the fastest pace The most punch lines And the audiences there were used to that so they didn't want any bullshit and they would tell you

if you weren't good you suck tonight get off and we would have there were times when I'd say this is going to be new material anyone who doesn't do new material the minute you do anything you've done before get off the stage so Rodgers would be sitting at the back.

You've done that. Throw a shot glass. It would shatter on the wall. Next. And it made you come. And the people, like you said, the audiences that came in there would come every week. So, you'd have to. And they would not settle for any bullshit.

That blows. That's no good. Yeah, there was a whole scene there. It wasn't just the comics. It was like comedy connoisseurs. There were so many people that came to those clubs. The shows that were legendary were the ding-ho on a Wednesday night. Lenny would put like 32 acts on.

I'd go, Len, we've got to get this show over. He'd say, shut up, I've got a couple more guys I want to give a break to. And I'd have guys going on until two in the morning. And if we get a liquor license, the cops are complaining, you've got to stop. And I go, have a drink and we'll finish up.

The first night he took over, when Kremens left, Kremens was leaving. What year was this? 85, he took over when cremmons left cremmons was leaving and uh what year was this jesus josh 85 86 somewhere around there i thought it closed at 84 i could be wrong on the i don't know it was closed before my i came in 88 you know you know what you're right probably probably around 84 i took over from barry and so shouldn't leave says to me, hey, man, Barry's leaving. Will you stay for me?

I'll double your pay. And I go, yeah, all right, I'll stay. It was $15 to $30 at the time. And he says, you run the club. I go, oh, no, man. I'll get a guy. He goes, who? He goes, my little brother.

He just got laid off in Polaroid. He goes, well, what if he screws us? I said, if he screws us, I'll tell my mother. We'll be fine. So, he comes in, and the first thing he says to Shirley is, all right, the food sucks. Close the back room. Close the restaurant. We're going to make that a showroom, too. So you open the front room.

You go through the kitchen and do a show in the back room. Then you come back there and wait until it, and we start it. We were doing six shows a night, but the first night he comes in, I was pretty lit up. He goes, you're not going on tonight. You're drunk. And I go, fuck you, man. You're my little brother. I just got you the fucking job. Fuck you. I'll do whatever I want. He goes, you're not going on tonight. You're drunk. And I go, fuck you, man. You're my little brother. I just got you the fucking job.

Fuck you. I'll do whatever I want. Blah, blah, blah. So he gets Gavin. And they go, come on, man. Let's go in the cooler. We'll do a line. So we're in the cooler.

We're doing lines. And Gavin goes, I'll be right back. I go out in the air. Click. The bricks locked me. They locked me. He was so high. I said, you're not going on tonight.

They locked me in the cooler. And I'm back. And so I said, you're not going on tonight. They locked me in the cooler and I'm back. And so I said, I'll show them. I started fucking drinking everything in there. I passed out. They had to get me out of there. I kept I apologized. Okay, you were right. But he turned it into a goldmine.

We were doing six shows a night. Three in the front, three in the back. Well, Sweeney said that the guy lost it in a gambling game. Yeah. He used to play Chinese dominoes over in Chinatown, and he didn't pay his food tax. And so I guess a year and a half later they came and locked it up. Well, first they came, and he would send a kid out to a liquor store to buy booze

because they took all the booze. So we'd have to buy booze for that night. And then after that they came and they took the chairs they took the tables it was incredible yeah he lost everything but it was wednesday night lenny thursday night dj has it friday night don gavin saturday night cremens and sweeney on sunday night and you know just kill a show and what people don't know is that boston had a different way of doing it so if it was the lenny Clark show, Lenny would host the show. Lenny would go on.

He would do like, what, 10, 15 minutes or something like that? Supposed to. He'd open with 40. You know why I came up with that joke? That was my idea. Was it? Yeah, because it used to be opening, middle and closer. And I was always at

closer. I'm going, hey man, if I host it, I can do lines and smoke smoke in between the guys. And I said, well, if someone has a bad set, I can pick it up or I can, you know, be the buffer while they get over that guy. And it just took off. Well, it was a great way of doing it. It really was. And then you would kind of close it, too, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. I mean, you know, there were different, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, you know, there were different nights, different crowds too, like Gav. Like I was always working Wednesdays and I'd be other clubs. But I always wanted to work Gav's show because Gav had a great show. And they didn't like me. It was like Gav's crowd did not go for me. They hated me. And I said, what the fuck?

You know what I mean? And I had to learn to adapt To different audiences Cause What was the difference Between Gavin's crowd Gavin used to say It was more They were smarter

They were smarter They were smarter Well he was a smart motherfucker Oh yeah He's got more degrees Than a mama He's got a couple of masters Yeah

Yeah He's a genius Oh man His fucking comedy Was so sharp he would have punch lines you never saw coming on top of punch lines you never saw you were recovering from the last punch line that he would hit you with another one oh yeah it was the first time i saw him he came on and i i watched him and i said to him after i don't like you've been doing this because it's

my first time you know fucking lying yeah he goes we're not off to a good start right and like it was like competitive it was really competitive and one night uh i was doing a show with him and some guy came on stage behind me he was coming behind me and gav jumped over this railing and escorted the guy off and i said man that was pretty cool he goes i got you back and then we drove home to his place and it was like three days getting high, and we've been friends ever since. But it's funny, because he said to me, he goes, Lenny, I've got to ask you a question. He goes, if you could be the richest person or the most famous person, what would it be? I said, oh, without a doubt, the most famous.

He goes, really? He goes, okay. Six weeks later, I said, Gav, I thought about it. You're right. I'd rather be the richest. The fame shit's a bunch of bullshit. He goes, well, you came around see what i mean by smarter yeah he's nuts yeah if you're the most famous person you're just gonna get stalked everywhere oh it's horrible you'd rather be that dude that nobody knows is rich of course you know i have i have five billionaire

friends billionaire not millionaires billionaire friends really yeah and i i think i'm like that you know you know their pet pet project, you know. But, I mean, it's unbelievable. I mean, to live like that. You know that show Billions? I don't know if you've ever seen that. No, I've never seen it. These guys are just like that.

More money than you could spend. More than you could spend. Yeah, that's a weird life. Yeah. A weird life where everybody else is struggling and scratching. But no one knows them. Well, some of the people know, you you know but these people are like anonymous and they're more money than you can ever that's very clever yeah it's oh yeah that's oh that's what i'm i would like that

that's the way to go yeah even if you were a comic you'd rather just do clubs just show up and do clubs and just do a set once you're on stage telling jokes either they laugh or they don't laugh if you're funny you'll kill it doesn't matter if you're famous you telling jokes, either they laugh or they don't laugh. If you're funny, you'll kill. It doesn't matter if you're famous. You know, I would like to be – I like doing theaters now because it's a different crowd. You know, I still do a lot of clubs. I work Mike's club all the time. Thank God for him. And thank God for me.

It keeps me open. There's some people – you know how when you work a club, you get some drunk, all it takes is one person. Yeah. Because I still go with the flow. I mean, I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just going to go and I try to keep it, you know, with what's happening in the news today. And someone will just, oh man, they break the rhythm, you know, and I want to stab them,

you know, but you can't. Well, it doesn't always happen though. That's the thing. It does happen, but it doesn't always happen. Most of the time, it's great. But Len just can't. Well, it doesn't always happen, though. That's the thing. It does happen, but it doesn't always happen. Most of the time, it's great. But Len just can't block it out. He's doing it, and it's there. No one blocks it out worse than DePaulo.

Oh. He's the worst. You don't even have to say anything. You just have a look on your face that he doesn't like. What? You don't think this is funny? What are you, a fucking- Where'd you learn to whisper in a sawmill?

I'm working with Nick. We're doing some comedy tour up in Toronto or maybe Ottawa, some shit all that. And I was looking at him. I was hosting. I'm looking at him. And I think he was smoking at the time. And it was a dark, dingy club. And it looked like watching Lenny Bruce.

It was just like that. So I'm laughing. So I step outside the room, and there's this woman, a pregnant woman, goes, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I really enjoyed you, but he's going to make me have my baby. Oh, but he is so funny. He's a funny motherfucker. And he's been going crazy lately because the Mueller report got released.

Yeah. And they said that there's no collusion between Trump and the Russians. So all of his Twitter, all of his Instagram was just attacking liberals. It's like, why do you fucking care? Why do you care? Yeah. Yeah. You can't retire, you lying cocksucker.

It's just like so crazy. Resign. He's so crazy. Put a gun. He's telling people to put a gun in their mouth. Isn't that how he got kicked off of Twitter in the first place? I'm serious. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He was telling people to kill themselves. Yeah. He's doing that now on Twitter. He's such a fucking animal. He's always been a funny guy, though. Oh, God. He kills me every time.

Brilliant joke, right? Yeah. Oh, he's awesome. He was a guy that made me think, like, oh, okay, you don't have to be, like, a little skinny guy to do stand-up. Right. Because, like, he was this, back in the day, he was playing football. Yeah.

He was handsome, great. Good looking. Fucking jacked. And I was like, oh, all you have to do is be funny. And women loved him. Yeah. And he would just shit on them. And they love him even more now.

It's just brilliant. And Nicky was pretty funny to start. You know, he always had them, you know, he was having good shows, and he just nicky was pretty funny to start you know he i always have him you know he was having good shows and he just he was out at the clubs every night and uh he just put and he was always angry from the beginning always from the beginning i had him on news radio he played my brother and you know dipalo's always had this attitude that everyone's trying to fuck him over and even then we i got him this gig and it's almost like he made it happen like uh it was him and brian callan and epstein from welcome

back cod we're playing my brothers and on the episode every they beat the fuck out of me we all beat the fuck out of each other broke bottles over a head uh brian callan threw me through a window and before the thing was cast uh I told the producer, I said, I got this comic, he's hilarious. I go, he looks like he could be my brother. Let's hire him.

He goes, yeah, perfect. He goes, can he read? So I could see the read. So he comes in and reads, and he goes,

yeah, he's great, perfect. But the casting agent had different ideas. She had a friend who she wanted to get into. She wanted, yeah. So she cast this other guy,

unbeknownst to Dieter, and he made a deal with the producer and the showrunner. And so they call Nick up and tell them that he didn't get the gig. He's like, what the fuck? I didn't get the fucking gig. And I go, no, no, you got the gig. He'll say, fucking just told me I don't have the fucking gig. Someone's lying. So I make the phone call and find out what happened.

And she's like, well, I already hired my friend. I go, you weren't supposed to hire your friend. I go, what are you doing? And she's like, well, I just, you know, I don't know what to do. I already hired this guy. I go, well, tell him he's fired. Like, this is real simple. Like, the producer wants it.

The network wants him. And so Nick came back, and Nick got the part, and he couldn't believe it. He was like, it worked out? Like, he was on the set. He's like, you mean the world's not fucking me over? I go, dude, I told you. You're my friend. I wanted you on the show. like it worked out like he was on the set he's like you mean the world's not fucking me over i go dude i told you you're my friend i wanted you on the show and it worked out but it was like he was convinced he was gonna get fucked over he got fucked over he's like i knew it and then and then he got the gig he's like what what is happening yeah oh he's a great guy on

the show great i love him i love that guy to. You know, I enjoy when you hear stories about people remembering where they came from and they help people out. And when I was doing the Sunday comics at Fox, and it didn't start out well. I always wanted to go in and detain the troops, but when I got Lenny with CBS, they said, no, you're a million-dollar prop. You're not going anywhere. So when the troops came home, my show had got canceled. That's a whole other different story. I want to talk about that story. Oh, yeah're a million-dollar prop. You're not going anywhere. So when the troops came home, my show had got canceled. That's a whole other different story. I want to talk about that story. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's interesting. It's a great story. So I go to 29 Pounds Marine Base. We pull up in a limo. We blow anything up down and anything down up. And I said, I'm going to like this place. So we go in, and George Lopez there and George Miller, a couple of comics. So I go up to Jeff

Altman and he's the host and I go to shake his hand and he blows me out and gives me a hi-hat, walks away and I go, what's this? So they say later in the show they said, listen Jeff, we have this kid who got a purple heart, he's back now and we want to unite him with his mother and he goes, that's kind of corny

and he walks off and I go, I'll do it. So I go, hey, how you doing corporal? He goes, well, I miss my family. Well, that's kind of corny and he walks off and I go, I'll do it and so I go, hey, how you doing, corporal? He's, well, you know, I miss my family.

Well, that's great because we brought your mother in to be like, yay! The crowd goes crazy and they said, you want his job? I said,

yeah, give me a dollar more than him and I took over the Sunday Comics that night. Wow. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Wow. So then they said, we go from like 100 to 70 in the ratings. And they said, what do you want? I said, I want you to hire this kid, Kenny Rogers, as my head writer.

And they go, what's he written? I said, he wrote me a couple of letters from prison and one from the nuns. And they go, no, I'm serious. You told me what I want. This is what I want. So they hire him. And they fly him out. I pick him up at the airport.

And we drive to my place in Marina del Rey. And he goes, which floor was yours? I go, all of them. I was living in like a $3 million place at the time. And he goes, this is incredible. So we get jammed up for three days. Coke and drink. And the third day he comes down, he's all banged up.

He goes, Lenny. He goes, I love you, man. But he goes, I got a wife and kid now. I can't fuck this up. I really need the job. I said, okay, all right. We'll go to work. So we drive down to Fox.

And we put my parking space at the top of the roof. It's great. And we're going by a current affair which used to be Murray Povich's use. I said, you people suck.

You shouldn't even have all these offices. And Kenny goes, what's wrong? I said, we're killing them in the ratings. They get all the...

So we go down and I said to my secretary, hold on my calls. We go in my office and there's three couches. He said, why three couches? I said, when people come over

they might want to nap right so they said okay Mr. Clark they're ready for Kenny so I bring Kenny in to meet the producers and I said just come by the office

when you're done so 20 minutes later he comes bursting into my office you're not going to believe it you're the fucking boss you know what they told me my job is to make you happy oh god he was great well that show was a great show but there was a crazy thing to make you happy.

Oh, God. He was great. Well, that show was a great show, but there was a crazy thing attached to that with your agent that wound up fucking over not just you, but a slew of people. One guy. Bob Williams. Bob Williams.

What was the star agency? What the fuck was the name of it? Spotlight. Spotlight. Spotlight. Oh, he fucked everybody. Jerry Seinfeld, too, right? Like a million dollars.

But I think Seinfeld, when I popped, when I got Lenny, and I was making all sorts of money, they said, you need an agent. I said, I want Seinfeld and Leno's agent. And at the same time, he was doing both of them. So I figured these guys are the biggest guys in the business. And he screwed them, but they got their money back. I was like the lowest guy in the totem pole.

So I got screwed for like $2 million. Jesus Christ. I mean, it was bad. I remember people were trying to keep you from killing him.

Yeah, I found out where his kids went to school and everything, but you can't do that. You gotta let it go. Yeah. But it took a long time. Whatever happened.

Is that guy still in the business? Country. He's in country music. music Oh they didn't know? Yeah They didn't get the memo? Fuck Oh yeah It was

I was so pissed I mean Cause Not only did I I have the show But When I went there Everything was going good

And I invited Barry Diller at Fox. He was the head of Fox at the time. I threw a party for the entire cast, the crew, everyone at Fox. And they all showed up. And I showcased a bunch of my friends so they could get jobs. And Barry Diller goes, you've really done a great job for us.

I said, I really love working with you, Mr. Diller. He said, okay. So later in the night, this Asian man came up to me. He goes, you know, everyone likes you, but I don't get it. And I said, well, stick around, Hop Singh. You'll catch on. And I didn't think anything of it. The next morning, they had given me like a million dollar bonus, and they raised my weekly salary. I mean, it was a lot of it. The next morning, they had given me like a million dollar bonus and they raised my

weekly salary. I mean, it was a lot of money. It was like over 2 million bucks. And I was going to Dallas to do the Texas State Fair with one of the Mandrelses. It's not Erlene or the other one, just some crazy name. And I land in Dallas and he calls me. He says, I got good news and bad news. I said, give me the bad news. He goes, did you have a problem with a Chinese guy last night? I said, no. Oh yeah, yeah, I guess so. Well, that's Barry Diller's right hand man. You're done. They threw you off the lot. I said, what's the good news? We got your money. And I go, I want my job. I said, let me apologize to the guy. I didn't mean it. I didn't know. And he go, no, they've already taken all the stuff out of your office and put it in boxes and you're done and now i do the state fair and i'm going man this this sucks you know i mean i want to get back to

la to try and salvage you know the career you know because i mean this is another network that i'm no longer welcome at just from one conversation oh i One, oh, I've got stories. I wish I'd never opened my mouth. I mean, I've screwed. Yeah, no one has fucked up my life more than myself. And unintentional. Right. So we're doing the state fair,

and this horse with a buckboard goes out of control. And the horse is swinging, and the buckboard's coming towards the viewing stand. So I grabbed the mandrel girl and get her out of it just as the whole thing is wiped out and I'm saying, did you get that?

Did they get that on tape? But that was the end of my career at Fox. That's crazy from one conversation where a guy said he didn't like you. How about this?

How about when I'm at, I have Lenny at CBS and it was doing good and then the, of course, the Gulf War came out. That killed me. And then they brought me back, and we were hanging on by a thread. And they said, listen, forget about the show.

We think you're a great actor. Let's give you a movie deal. And I went, really? They said, yeah, we're going to give you the first picture, $2 million, and then the next picture would be, no, first a million, and then $2 million, and then $2 million, then two million, five million dollars, three picture deal. I'm going, you know, I can't believe this happened. It was that one question.

Can you act? And I said, hey, I'm making believe I'm having fun with you, aren't I? Get out. I went, hey, man, I was only kidding. That was pretty good. Get out. And I go, I just cost myself five million dollars. But just by being funny. And I said, I'll never do that again.

So I read it. Like that's going to'll never do that again. So I read. Like, that's going to happen, right? So, wait, Joe, it gets better. I read for this movie, True Romance, you know? Oh, yeah. So, I mean, I get clean. I get straight. I work on the lines.

I'm ready. So I go over, and it's Ridley Scott or his brother, one of the famous Scott directors. And a kid comes out. I said, how many people in there? He goes, 13. I said, because I always like said, how many people in there? He goes, 13. I said, because I always like to know how many are in the room because you don't want to go in there. So I walk in and I look at the people. He goes, you ready?

I go, yeah. I throw the script on the floor. He goes, I guess you are ready. He goes, hit it. Dimes was hitting from the left. I was hitting from the right. I said, you better like it because you're never going to lick pussy again. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What does it say? Lick pussy. I said, write in the script. He picks up and says, like pussy. I said, well, if you like it, you lick it, say? Lick pussy. I said, right in the script. He picks up and says, like pussy. I said, well, if you like it, you lick it, right? Everyone in the room breaks out. He goes, get out. Get out of my office.

I said, well, that was quick. So I'm driving home, and my agent calls me and says, what did you do to Ridley Scott? He said, you're a pre-enactor, but you've got to get off the drugs. I said, I haven't done coke in two weeks. I was serious for this part. Who's he getting it to? Tom Sizemore and Chris Penn. They did the drugs. They said, I haven't done coke in two weeks. I was serious for this part. Who's he getting it to? Tom Sizemore and Chris Penn. They did the job.

There's no justice. That's hilarious. Guys who were like up to their neck in coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. That's crazy that they got that upset. I'm having fun. I'm pretending I'm having fun with you.

I make them believe I'm having fun with you. That's all it took. Because I thought we were paying. They really are. They're giving you offering you millions of dollars. Pretending I'm having fun with you. I make them believe I'm having fun with you. That's all it took. Because I thought we were having fun. They're giving you offers and millions of dollars. Isn't this nice? That's a problem with people that have so much power. They want you to suck their dick every second of the day. And as soon as there's any deviation at all, they think you're a smart ass.

You're done in this town. That kind of power. You know how guys sleep with women you know to get hit i had a woman told me she wanted to fuck me but she was hideous and it was at night in the morning you know i'm going jesus i'm not even drunk i'm trying to back out of it go no no i didn't get that job either. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, there was, look, there was casting couches for both sides. I knew a lady who would bang all these, like, sad little actor guys. She was always, she was a casting lady, and she'd have these little sad actor guys. They're all, like, look all squeamish and shit.

And you're like, oh, look at her. She's got that guy on a rope, too. And she would bang them all. She would get these guys' parts. Get in here. She would fuck them all. And she was aggressive yeah this one was aggressive but i'm gonna it's creeping me out you know not because i i it's not what i want the thing is though there's no victim there

no nobody feels sorry for those guys at all not even for a second a guy that fucks a lady who's a casting director like hey he decided to do what he wanted to do it's like it's such a different thing than a guy being a casting agent that fucks the actress i would fuck a dry cleaner for free dry cleaning i mean i mean it's not you know it's just a matter of what what do you want to do you know how bad is that it's not that bad at all yeah it's a different animal it's funny yeah but that whole model is out the window now with all this me too stuff and after weinstein got shot down i don't act i retired from acting so i'd like to see what it's like now and wonder how much different it is how much it's

changed you know i bet it's changed quite a bit well recently joe i gave louis a shot at the club you know after yeah i heard about that and you know Louie called me up and said, hey, do you mind if I do a spot? And I thought about it. I said, yeah, sure, no problem. You know, I like Louie. He wasn't arrested or convicted of anything. And so I put him in. He did fantastic.

He calls me. He's, what do you think? I said, yeah. Put him on. And after that evening, the backlash was just unbelievable. Yeah. You know, I go, how long is enough? What does this guy have to do to try to get his career back up?

Right, but what is the backlash, though? Because the backlash is not your actual customers, right? No, it was, they grabbed some female comics. A lot working. That aren't working for me, and that said that Mike locked the doors and put a sexual predator on stage. And it was like everyone there enjoyed Louie. And, you know, I'm just trying to help a friend get his life back. He came in and he walked over to me.

I give him a big hug. He goes, we got no problem? I go, no, you nitwit. I said, I would have called you if that prick right had given me a number. He didn't give me a number. He goes, that's not right. I go, I know. That's what I told him. I said, so I bring him on stage. He says, ladies and gentlemen, you know, this'd give me a number. He didn't give me a number. He goes, that's not right. I go, I know.

That's what I told him. I said, so I bring him on stage. Ladies and gentlemen, you know, this Me Too thing and everything. Here's a guy who didn't touch any women. Matter of fact, he touched himself. That was the problem. They just happened to be in a room. And I said, you could have jerked off in front of me as long as you didn't get on my shirt.

My shirt's pretty expensive. I said, but these are people you gave a job to. The people that turned on him, he gave jobs to. That's not right. Well, there's a lot to that story. I don't know. There's a lot to that story that would make him look very different than a lot of these people that are accusing him. And one day I think he's going to tell that story.

I had a conversation with him about it. It's not as cut and dry as everybody thinks. Everybody thinks he had power over these women and he pulled his dick out and started no there was a lot of there was a lot of sex talk there was a lot of flirting there was a lot going on it wasn't that simple and he's very he's very contrite about it yes very very and he knows he fucked up and by the way he hadn't done anything like that in more than a decade it was a long time he just he's got a kinky thing you know it's not in front of people i i can't i can't even i can't jerk off if the neighbors are home i'm a wreck he's got weird faces so it wouldn't be fun for

anyone but he's not a bad guy no he's a good guy he's not a rapist he's not a sexual predator touch anybody he caught the worst part of the wave. Oh, yeah. You know, like if you're in the ocean and you could be in the ocean on a fucking surfboard and you just catch this little tiny wave and everything's fine. Or you could fuck up and be in the right spot when that giant wave comes and slams you in the head and you have the same intention and the same person. In other times in history, he would have been fine.

He would probably be fine today because everything is kind of there's enough of the females that have come out that have been full of shit like asia argento and the girl who accused chris hardwick and then chris hardwick released all these text messages that show that she actually cheated on him and she wanted him back and she's just trying to punish him for all this but these there's a few of those situations now where people realize well there's for all this. But there's a few of those situations now where people realize, well, there's definitely sexual predators

and there's definitely bad men, but there's also women who are taking advantage of this movement. Right. And I think the world has sort of calmed down a little. Like the Asia Argento one was a big one. You know, when it turned out that she was calling Harvey Weinstein a rapist

while she was fucking a 17 year old right that she was she played his mom in a movie 10 years ago when he was seven it's like jesus christ like how could you how could you have that kind of hypocrisy but there's a lot of that and people that are screaming for attention at the front of the line of a lot of these things a lot of them have like dark secrets themselves yeah you know and like what these people that don't want a guy like louis to have a road to redemption they don't want him to work or even a guy like aziz ansari which is even worse he had a bad date with a girl like a bad date where she blew him like three different times and didn't want to keep going well wait wait he said bad date that sounds pretty good to me it's pretty good no it's better than no yeah but it's the whole thing was so crazy it's like there's there's more than one side to every story like that and to take someone's opinion or

someone's perception of something as 100 the actual event that happened without any other evidence it's kind of crazy i mean i don't think i just i just think people have to recognize that louis in particular he's been out of work he was out of work for 10 months he lost all of his shows lost people think he didn't suffer from that 30 million dollars show people that think he didn't suffer are crazy yeah you're crazy if you think he should never be allowed to work again, well, he's not a criminal. He's not in jail. So what are you saying? He shouldn't be able to do stand-ups?

Everyone deserves a second chance. And that was my point. I said, sure, Louie, come on. You know what? I wanted to give him a fighting chance, and I guess he is back doing clubs now. He's doing a lot of clubs. But that's it. It's always trying to do. He's just trying to get his life back. Yes. He's building doing clubs now. He's doing a lot of clubs. But that's it. It's all he's trying to do.

He's just trying to get his life back. Yes. He's building his act again, doing clubs. And some fucking asshole releases his whole act on YouTube, so now all that material he has to chuck away. So he was writing during the time he was gone, but not performing. And then he puts together an act that, you know, look, you know as well as anybody when you have new shit it's got some goddamn holes in it right there's no way it comes up i've never written a bit ever maybe one or two in my whole career that was this that was the finished bit when i first did it on stage

maybe one or two ever they're always clunky and sometimes you have ideas you're like why the fuck did i even try that one like the parkland shooter bit like when he was doing that bit right which is you know it's a very unfortunate bit right especially when people who aren't in the club hear it and then but who knows what that bit would have been if someone didn't tape it yeah if you gave him a year to work it out right he probably would have figured out a way to make it where it wasn't offensive and it didn't shit on those kids in the same way my best stuff was was years ago before cell phones and because because i didn't shit on those kids in the same way my best stuff was was years ago before cell phones and because i didn't know i just i just went out there and now when i'm on

stage i'm constantly thinking oh don't go there don't do that don't cross that line because some you know that's a terrible feeling for oh it's horrible it's horrible the funny shit that you and i have laughed out hard was something that someone definitely shouldn't have said. Oh, absolutely. But they knew they shouldn't have said it. That's why they were saying it. They were saying it to make the audience laugh because they were like, I can't believe you

fucking said that. Not like he means it. No. That's his actual thoughts. There's no maliciousness behind it. I have no... You think I want people to spend 30, 40 bucks to go out and have me piss them off and ruin your night with your wife or your date.

No, you idiot. I'm just trying to make you laugh. So now it's just so- Joe, I can remember back with you and Mike McCarthy. Yeah. It was like, who could work the dirtiest? You guys would be in the back just dying. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. There were nights where me and Kenny would get high and say, let's see if we can walk the room. I've seen people suck and have a room.

But I mean, we'd laugh. Oh my God. I remember one night I was doing great and I said, let me do, and I was getting fucked up

and I turned on the crowd and then I felt bad because they were so upset and so disgusted with me. And these were like regulars. They started trying to win them back.

It took me an hour and a half just to get them back. But I remember I did a show in Orlando. There was a guy heckling me. I said, listen, if you don't shut up, I'm going to come down here and pop you right in the fucking face. And I did. I went off the stage and popped this fucking guy right in. He was bleeding and everything. And the crowd was on his side.

He's attacking us. And it took me 45 minutes just to break even. You kept going after you punched the guy in the face? Yeah. That's amazing in and of itself. Oh, God. Orlando. I don't know I know it was Orlando

I was doing a bunch of one nighters and I was because the crowd was a big crowd must have been like 300 people and they all loved me

and this guy just and I fucking hated it and I went right and put the mic down and bang and he went down and he was screaming and crying

and I went up and the people were like that's the difference between Boston and Orlando. Oh, John! Yeah, you can't do that. You gave me the best advice anybody ever gave me when I was starting out. You did. Right.

And right after your brother gave me the worst advice. True, true. Mike told me to work. It was good advice at the time. It was smart advice. I liked you. I just said, Joe, I think maybe you should try to clean it up a advice at the time it was smart advice I liked you I just said Joe I think maybe you should try to

clean it up a bit and you're like yeah and Lenny comes over and says fuck him and he goes don't listen to him you were a great kid I love you

don't change a thing yeah you pumped me up man well you know the thing was you made me laugh you know because I mean I've seen everybody

when I started doing comedy what 41 years ago there was only 100 comedians maybe in the whole country. You know what? If I heard of someone, I would fly to their town to go on stage and say, let's get on. Kenneson, you know. Slayton in San Francisco. People, Dom in Philadelphia.

People I thought were really good and admired. I would like to see what it is. And I became friends with all of them. Oh, that's awesome. And then it just blew up. I mean, now you don't even have to have an act. You're on YouTube. Yeah, you still have to have an act when you get in front of those live audiences.

You think so? Yeah. I've seen it. I've seen those YouTube guys eat shit. But they do draw people out to the club. For a while. They'll do it for a while. You trick people for a little bit.

Unless they become good. I mean, they keep putting in the work and do the act. I mean, and, you know, develop an act. But you either can do it or you don't. Like Jerry Seinfeld once said very famously that if you're famous, it buys you 30 seconds. It buys you 30 seconds in front of a crowd. They're happy you're there. They'll give you 30 seconds.

And after that, like, okay, what do you got? Where's the jokes? What the country? Hey, he's a fucking good joke writer. That guy is still slinging. Yakov Smirnoff is still slinging it. He's at the comedy store every now and again. I think he's still in Branson.

He has the theater in Branson. But he comes down to the store. I worked with him a couple of times. He's good. He writes. He's got new material. He looks good, too. He's healthy and thin.

But those YouTube guys, they have a shortcut, right? They make funny videos on YouTube. They'll get a crowd, even though they're not really funny. But if they put in the work, they can pull it off. It has been done. The most courageous guy I ever saw was Charlie Murphy. Because Charlie Murphy was essentially a famous open-miker. And that fucking guy, he started out hosting.

It would be him and Donnell and Bill Burr, and they would do these shows together. And Charlie had never done stand-up. But he had the most famous brother ever. I mean, his brother was fucking Eddie Murphy. And people saw him on the Chappelle Show. Chappelle Show really set him up. So he became famous. And then the guy had balls of fucking steel, man.

I did a 22-show tour with him. and he had only been doing comedy for two years, and I had been doing comedy for more than 20, and we were co-headlining. So I would headline one night, he would headline the other night. And, I mean, to be able to go on after a guy who's been doing comedy 24 years or whatever the fuck it was, and go on after him and do 40 minutes when you've only been doing yeah and just the balls that guy had yeah yeah yeah and he was just going out there like he owned the place yeah but passed away right yeah geez yeah he passed away uh yeah about a little over a Wow. I think all the people that we work with, they're not here anymore.

A lot. And I'm going, my good God. Except the ones that suck. They're still out here fucking. Hey, I worked, you know, you always make a point, but people steal the material. One of the biggest thieves that ever lived was Ollie Joe Prater. I never met him. He was this big, fat, redneck guy.

And we're working down south someplace, maybe Florida. And we're in the green room, and he watches the Tonight Show. And we're doing the late show. And Carson comes up, does his monologue. And after his monologue, Ollie Joe Prater, he went out

and did Carson's monologue around the standard ovation. And I'm going, no one will ever know. There was no VCIs back then. There were no tapes. There was nothing. I go, wow. And he stole one of my jokes.

I said, man, you stole my joke? He goes, yeah, but I do it better. I go, no, you don't. You just add a sudden twang to it, man. That's all. Yeah, but I do it better. Yeah, that's what he would say to these young kids. Yeah, man, but I do it better.

Well, you know, back in the day, in the Catskills times times they all stole like there was there was no honor amongst thieves back then and everyone just had jokes there were just joke jokes like you almost had like a toolbox like oh i needed three eighths yeah you know like they and then as television came along and then people started getting in trouble for stealing you know robin got in trouble and a few other guys got in trouble. And then it sort of died off until like, I mean, when YouTube came along, then it kind of killed it. There's still a few thieves that are still running around to this day. And some of them are famous. But most of the audience knows now. And if you look at someone who's a thief and then you look at their Instagram comments, like, holy shit, people go after them.

People know now. They know it's the darkest thing you can do when a guy works or a girl works forever on a bit. And then you just come along with a finished product and snatch it and switch a couple words around and pretend you came up with it on your own. Well, when I started, I was working as a janitor in City Hall in Cambridge. And I took the other janitors out for beers. We went to the Springfield Station and we saw Sweeney. And we saw Sweeney and Bill Campbell, and I'm going,

oh, my God, Sweeney was just, he was a guy. I said, wow, this guy, I've never seen anything like it. And a couple of guys, a couple of other comics went on, and the janitor said, you're funnier than these guys. You should do it. So I talked to George McDowell about it at school the next day, and he goes, yeah, man, you should be a comedian. I go, what's that?

He goes, that's what you saw last night. So we went over to his house and we listened to a Woody Allen album. And I didn't even know Woody. I knew Woody Allen from his movie. I didn't know he was a comedian. And he did that joke about hitting a moose up in Maine. So I went on. I'd never been on stage before.

I went on at the Ding Ho's, Springfield Street Saloon. And I did this. And it was unbelievable. It changed my mind. It was thunderous applause. I could stare at the Ding Ho, Springfield Street Saloon, and I did this, and it was unbelievable. I changed it all. It was thunderous applause, like a standard ovation. And afterwards, this little old guy comes in the back,

he says, Mr. Clark, you're very funny, but you shouldn't use Woody Allen material. I go, Woody who? Fuck you, get out of here. Oh man, the jigsaw. And that was it. That was it.

And I sucked for months. I said, but it was all mine. It was crazy. Yeah, there's a lot of guys in the beginning. Greg Fitzsimmons and I used to steal from each other. We had a deal, though. Because we both only had like 15 minutes, and we had to do a half. So I'd steal 15 of his, he'd steal 15 of mine, and we were best friends.

Oh, yeah. So he'd go, oh, dude, that blowjob material killed and fucking paw tuck it. I said to Kenny, I said kenny that that was fucking pretty is that yours you fucking morning you did that three weeks ago because i never i didn't know what i was doing i can't remember i can't i can't remember you know i mean i just some of the best guys don't like joey diaz you got to be waiting for joey off stage with a notebook yeah you got to go say that again the fuck did i say you know who used to do that Mike Donovan Mike Donovan

was so good to me because Mike Donovan when I saw him I go wow this guy so just brilliant real technical about everything

and I used to take him out after shows and take him to breakfast and he would tell me he says listen I'm going to tell you everything you did wrong there's no need for me

to tell you what you did right because you can tell but everything you did wrong and he would listen and I would go oh you know and he helped mold me and he helped make me technically a better i owe him a lot mike dunn was great he helped me as well he told me to record all my sets yeah he told me to get a tape recorder to this day joe every show yeah he was like you never know you never know you might say one thing and you forget you say it but that one thing might might make the

bit 10 times better. Joe, I listened to him and I taped everything. There's boxes of shit in the garage. Never listen to it once. I never listened to it. I taped it all. How about, I was reading a Lenny Bruce thing and he used to tape. And so I didn't realize he was taping his act.

I thought he was taping, talking into a microphone. That's hilarious. So, you know, hey, man. So I would write when I first started doing it. I would write for hours, and I would go down to the kitchen and say, hey, Ma, what do you think of this? And I'd tell her jokes. She goes, I don't know. I guess it's good.

I said, what do you mean you guess it's good? Who do you like? She said, well, I really like that ripped tail. I go, ripped tail? Look, fuck him. You know what I mean? He's a piece of shit right now. I rip him.

She goes, that's why Heinz makes 57 varieties. Get over it. You're not the only funny person in the world, right? Whoa. Oh, yeah, she didn't take any shit. So literally, I'm working at the Dunes one day, and Pauly's short. I'm up by the pool, and Pauly says,

hey, Lenny, I turn around. Who's he with but Rip Taylor, right? And Rip is going, oh, look at that one. And he's, I mean, Joe, he's killing me. And I said, Mr. Taylor, he goes, come here, Rip. He goes, oh, yeah. I said, oh, look at that one. And he's, I mean, Joe, he's killing me. And I said, Mr. Taylor, he goes, call me Rip. He goes, oh, yeah. I said, oh, yeah. So I said, would you talk to my mother?

So they bring a phone out to the pool. No way. And he's, hello, Gene, it's Rip Taylor. And you hear him go, ah! So he's so nice to her, right? And then he gives me the phone. She goes, I told you he was funny, you idiot. But I end up doing Hollywood Squares with him.

Got to be friends with a good guy. Good guy. And he made me laugh. He was funny. He was a hilarious guy. Well, the Hollywood Squares, I mean, he took over that show. Yeah. If you saw Hollywood Squares and Rip Taylor wasn't on, you're like, what the fuck is this?

Where is he? He's the funny one. He's the guy you want to hear talk. Yeah, Donovan told me to record all my sets, and he explained to you the fuck meter, too. Oh! That was something that young comics to this day don't understand. First time I ever heard that. He goes, well, you broke the fuck meter.

I go, what? And I didn't even realize I was doing it. And now when I'm working with guys that I like, I say, you know what? Listen, you don't need the fuck meter. I go, what? And I didn't even realize I was doing it. And now when I'm working with guys that I like, I say, you know what? Listen, you don't need the fuck there. Drop the fuck there. You don't need that. The joke's fine without it. Yeah.

And I go, don't do what I do. But you can do it when it's necessary. And when it's necessary, it'll mean more if you don't have 10 other unusual, unnecessary fucks. And with Mike, he tends to use it where he wants to use it. He worries about the guys on in front of him. He goes, I don't want you doing it just for the sake of doing it. Mike's a great guy, and he still tapes every show. Well, he's a great comic.

And he's just very aware that the audience can get numb to that word, where it doesn't mean anything. Right. Where you don't hear it until he goes up, and then when he goes up, you only hear it when it's necessary. Right. It's a presentation issue. Because if there's a guy in front of you, some comics will use the word fuck the same way they use the word um.

They're like, that fucking guy with the fucking thing. Exactly. He's got his fucking hat on, and his fucking shoes are tied in his fucking and he just by the time you say and i'm like fuck you it doesn't mean anything right yeah i used to open i used to open for leno and he would say to me you know you're really funny but you don't have to be that filthy you don't have to i said yeah but i but i feel like i'm selling out yes you're you're not selling out. You're cashing in. And my mother always just said, you can get more work. And then I started doing corporate gigs. And people said, listen, Lenny, we don't care if you're mildly amusing as long as you don't say fuck or anything.

And I went, yeah. And they fly in the chair. They pay $20,000, $30,000. And you sign some autographs. Yeah. So, I mean. So, you did sell out. Yeah.

Yeah. Those are tempting. That's the siren song. Those corporate gigs. Oh, yeah. Because I remember, like, that's where Jay made most of his money. Oh, yeah. I mean, he would make hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Well, he needs it, you know. Well, that's what he says. You know, he never spent his Tonight Show money. He never spent any money. All of his money went to cars. Cars. And all that money came from gigs. Yeah. And he never put out a special. He had one special on cars, and all that money came from gigs. Yeah.

And he never put out a special. He had one special on Showtime way back in the day. In Philly. Yeah. In Philly. That's right. I remember that. It was a good special, and I talked to him about it.

He goes, why would I do that? He goes, I put on my act. He goes, even if they give me a million dollars, that's going to cost me money. But his whole thing was he didn't want to do it because that material was gone yeah once he did it right but but he would go to these places and do the same act like two years later and people be like what the fuck but he just had this polished oh people had said to me hey man i really don't care for him i said what i said listen to me i said i used to open from and one night i was Nick's. And I was supposed to do 20 minutes. And whenever I was opening for someone, I'd do my time and get off.

That's just respect. And he came in and he goes, oh. I said, okay. So the crowd liked me anyway. And so now I do about 45. And I'm standing there. Crowd's going crazy. And I'm walking off.

In my mind, I'm going, follow that fucker. You know what I mean? He gets on stage within two minutes. It was like Lenny who he was that good I mean, it was a springsteen a comedy was Amazing don't know. I don't know because when he used to go on Letterman back when he was young Yeah, the crazy dark hair and he was he was the edgy come. Oh, yeah, which is hard for young guys to Joe He would do a two-hour show and it wasn't too much, right? You know, it was killer. Yeah And Joe, he would do a two-hour show, and it wasn't too much. Right. It was killer.

Yeah. Yeah, he's extremely underrated as a comic. I agree. And I think it's unfortunate that he doesn't have a great body of work. Other than Tonight Show monologues, people think of him as the guy with Tonight Show monologue. He's a great stand-up character. Yeah, he is. Yeah. And anyone that I see that is really terrific, I give it up.

But here's the thing. You make me laugh. I like it. If you're successful and I'm not getting it, I'm going, nah, you know. It's good for you. I mean, I don't belittle anybody for their success. I'm the same way. But if you make me laugh, then I'll pay to go see it if you make me laugh.

It's a waste of time to worry about something you don't like because obviously other people like it. What do you give a shit? Yeah, yeah. It's like I feel the same way about music. There's a lot of music I don't like. They sell millions of albums. I don't care. Yeah.

There's no room. No. I just want to laugh. If you can make me laugh. That's why some of the people I hang around with just come. When we go out to dinner, everyone puts their cell phones on the table. Off. Beautiful.

That's nice. You got to. Yeah, we can't. All you need is some nitwit to take you down. Oh, God. So many people were fucking interested in just looking at their phone all day. Now, if I wasn't as old as I am, if I was a young kid coming out now, I'd be an animal because I wouldn't care.

And it's, oh, you can't say that? Well, let me tell you this right now. And the thing was, you know, when I started, people would say, oh my God, what a funny take on that. It wasn't a funny take. It was what I actually thought. But rather than, you know, pop their balloon and they'll know I'm crazy.

I just, oh yeah. Because that's why, I've never thought I was funnier than anybody. I just know that I'm sick and I just use that under the guise of humor. It works. Yeah, yeah.

You know it works. Well, we were very lucky that in those days in Boston, I mean, I started in 88, but in those days, there was, remember in Warrington Street? Yeah.

You had the Comedy at the Charles, up the theater above. Downstairs was the Connection. Right. Over here was Nick's. Right. And over there was Duck Soup. Right. It was fucking crazy.

It was crazy. Oh, my God. He opened one club. What was that club in the- Oh, that was at the Hotel Bradford. Yeah. What was in the basement? The Jokers.

Okay. This place would hold over 350 people. Oh, it was a beautiful room. And one night, I had Mike Binder come on. You know Mike? Sure. And Mike Binder, I said, do some time. He's doing a documentary right now in the store. I said, do some time. I'm in the back, backstage, doing lines. And he brought the entire audience

up on stage. Through the dressing room. And this is how the comedians are hot at work while the other comedians are on. I'm chopping up my... Jesus Christ. I used to blow on stage and people go, relax, relax, it's just stunt coke. It's not real.

There's no other place like that. The scene in New York was very different. The scene in New York, they never did the hosting thing the way they did it in Boston. There wasn't as many clubs that were close together. And they would talk to the crowd.

Yeah. There were no jokes. Right, right, right. Where are you from? Well, back then there was. Yeah. It's a little different now. Now there's a lot of jokes,

but I think I attribute that to the size of the rooms. In New York, you're on top of people. That's the first thing I noticed when I moved to New York. I was like, God, the fucking audience is... audience is literally would be like i would be standing on stage and you would be the front row yeah everyone's so close yeah because there's no catch a rising star yes danger field yeah they're on stand up new york stand up new york they're on top of you i used to go down i take the train down and stand in line wait for a number to go

on and catch. And they'd put me on last, because I was from Boston. And I'd go up, and I'd burn it down. And they'd go, hey, man, here's your $10. I'd go, $10? I'd give it to the pod that I'm on. And I'd get on the night out and go back. And I did that for years.

And finally, some, like, Belzer was good to me, and even Piscopo gave me a break, and some other guys. But Mike said, what are you going to New York for? I said, we'll do it here. Why go to New York? Let's have them come to us. And the thing was just like an explosion. Yeah, there was no place like that scene. And I feel so lucky that I started stand-up in 88 in Boston.

I feel like I just caught this wave. Oh, yeah, it was a wave. When did you leave, Joe? 91, I think, or 92. Did you go to New York or LA New York New York I got signed by Jeff Sussman okay that's when I moved to New York and then that when you was driving limos then when you went to LA what was that the baseball show you got with hardball but Mike Starr yeah and the funny thing about Mike Starr I always wanted to work with him. He's a great guy. He is a great guy.

He had a ton of incredible body of work. So we do a movie together. We do something up in Canada, and we get in a beef. You and Mike Starr? Yeah. Two with Bicey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.

So he said something. We were drinking, and we were drinking like Labatt's Black Ice. You get the hangover before you get high. It was that powerful shit, right? And he said something, and he goes, hey, man, I waited 10 years to work with you. And you're being like a dick. And he said something, and I leap over the table. Fight broke out.

They had a bus. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was on him like a spider monkey. I was on him. He's a big guy. But was on him like a spider monkey. I was on him. He's a big guy. But I was like 350 at the time. So when I landed on him, he went down.

And they broke us up. And they threw us out. And we're walking out. And he goes, I'm very disappointed in you. And I go, disappointed in me? Fuck you. I'm disappointed in you. I waited all this time to work with you.

And we made up. But it was never the same. What year was that? Oh i don't know a long long time ago uh probably 25 years ago yeah yeah 91 92 maybe oh that was probably even before i met him yeah yeah i worked with him in 94. yeah yeah i saw him last night on uh on uh dumb and d Dumb and Dumber. Dumb and Dumber, my kids. That's a great scene. Oh, man, he's great in that movie. Yes, he is. He's a great guy. Yeah, he is.

A nice, you know, I was drinking. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Shit happens. Well, you know, it was per diem.

You know, my first couple movies, they get per diem. I go, what's this? They go, well, this is per diem money. I go, what's it for? Well, you know,

to buy food. Well, we get fed. And we go, well, you know, I spend it. I spend it. Well, you know, to buy food. Well, we get fed. And we go, well, you know, whatever. So I spend it. I spend it. I didn't know you could save it.

I spend it. And I would be, oh, I was shit-faced. I mean, it was crazy. But it was fun. You learn. Yeah, you learn. Yeah. Yeah, so I moved to New York in, I think it was either 91 or 92.

And then I moved out here in 94. So I wasn't in New York for very long. And then you got news radio? Yeah, I got Hardball, got canceled. Hardball, that was it. Yeah, terrible show. Yeah, but it was on. Was that Fox?

Yeah, it was Fox. One of Fox's first shows. I don't think so, no. No, Married with Children and Simpsons, and there was a lot of shows on there. They were doing sitcoms, though. That's what I'm, yeah. Yeah, it just wasn't very, and there was a lot of shows on there. They were doing sitcoms, though. That's what I'm... Yeah, it just wasn't very good. It was a lot of problems. It was also an interesting thing to see that the pilot was really funny.

Jim Brewer was in the pilot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the pilot was great. But the pilot was made by the creators of the show, and then once the network decided to pick it up, then they started bringing these network hacks to come in and turn it into some bullshit fucking show. And it was terrible. They rewr scenes and it was it was a disaster so i got to see like how really funny writers and really funny actors can put together a really funny pilot and then that show could turn into dog shit because of network meddling and executive meddling and then to go

from that to news radio which was like the polar opposite that was just they got they they didn't give paul sims much grief at all they let him do whatever the fuck he wanted because he was coming from larry sanders show and they knew he was brilliant and then they had you know working with more here and then i mean i took i had a It's incredible. He's an amazing guy. Incredible. It was the luckiest gig ever. I couldn't believe it. I've been working with those. I never even took acting lessons. I had a couple acting. They made me get a coach when I first got a development deal.

And I think I took like four or five lessons with this lady. I hated it. They gave me a deal. And they said, you've got to take acting lessons. So I went to this acting class. And this woman goes, OK, I'm going to be a tree. And I knew about that, right? So what kind of tree?

And he says, I'm a big tree. What kind of big tree? Is that a big willow? I don't know. He said, willows aren't big. Okay. And this seemed, everyone cried on like ants, right? Ants, ants.

And I go, all right, that's it. I'll see you later. And he goes, what? I go, I don't know why we're being ants. because what fucking movie am I going to be a giant ant in? That's not what I'm looking for. And I left, and I got Lenny two days later, and everyone quit the class. There were like 30 people in the class. They all, Lenny got a series.

They all fucking quit. It was crazy. Well, the problem with acting classes is, I mean, it's good to practice, to learn how to read lines. But it's just pretending. I'm not saying I'm Daniel Day-Lewis or I know how to do it like one of those guys. That's a different level of acting. But if you're on a sitcom, and if I'm on a sitcom, I'm playing a guy like me. Right.

And it's just like stand-up but easier. That's what it felt like to me. Much easier. It was similar. So people say, what was the difference? I say, well, okay, the difference between

doing a sitcom, there's a camera and if something goes wrong, we take it again. And at nightclub, people can throw bottles at you. And do. And do.

Oh my God. When I opened for Aerosmith, they used to come and see me at Stitches all the time and I had no idea who they were. And someone said, you know who that is? I said, yes, I'm Aerosmith. Oh, Jesus. They used to come and see me at Stitches all the time. And I had no idea who they were. And someone said, you know who that is? I said, yes, I'm Aerosmith. He said, man, they're like one of the biggest rock bands in the world.

I go, you know, I was into disco. Because it was the disco. You were into disco? Yeah, yeah. If you could dance, you could get laid. I could dance. It was unbelievable. I was like Travolta in San Diego.

It was fun. I mean, it was crazy. I want to Travolta in Saturday Night Live. It was fun. It was crazy. I want to see you dance. Oh, yeah. I can still dance. Even when I was a fat guy, I could dance. I was like Gleason.

They come and they said, we want you to open for us. I go, yeah, no problem. I go over to the Orpheum Theater. This is one of their many comebacks. They were still getting high, I think. So I go in where the crowd is going in. And they're saying, hey, man, I heard there's a comedian tonight. We're going to fuck him up.

And I'm listening to this. I'm going, hey, man, I'm the comedian. Some guy's, Lenny, Lenny. So they call me. What are you doing? I said, well, I'm going to you. No, no, you're going to stage door. I didn't even know they had a stage door.

So I go back, and they're all no, you go on the stage door. I didn't even know they had a stage door. So I go back and they're all, I mean, it was fucking wild. So I go on stage and they stop booing right away. And there's like runway lights. Aerosmith had these incredible lights. I couldn't see anything. And this is, what, 38? They're throwing bottles.

And bottles are smashing all around me, right? And I'm going, and then, oh, and then, ah, fuck you, bang. And I'm going, now I'm dodging shit and I can't see it coming till right out of the so this kid throws a milk that hits me in the balls, drops me to my fucking knees. A milk dud? A milk dud! Yeah, the kid

hit me right in the nuts! And so, Steven Tyler has his body, I drag me through the curtain, because I'm right by the curtain, because I'm backing up, I'm trying to get away and so there you go how much did we say we got

a couple grand he goes here it is come back tomorrow night so oh Jesus so I go fuck

so I go back the next night and I go fuck the Rolling Stones Arrow's been to Great View it turned into like a rally and they said you want to go to Japan

with us I go no so you had to figure a work around oh well you learn I think if you're a good comic

you learn from your mistakes if you don't you know you're not gonna you're not gonna proceed and I did I had the pleasure of working with

I worked with who's Pretty Woman who sang Richard Gere no no the guy who sang Pretty Woman oh Roy Orbison

Roy Orbison yeah I think that's how bad my mind is so I'm with I'm with Kenny we're up for about three days

I gotta go to Worcester I'm hoping for Roy Orbison I'm almost out of gas I'm out of blow I'm exhausted I pull into this place

and I go up there and there's this food bigger than this whole table all this food and I hadn't eaten in days so I just start rapping.

I'm like a bear. So now I fall asleep, right? And I get a guy, Robert, push me back. I wake up, and he's all in black. He's got those glasses, and it's fucking Roy. He says, you're the comedian? I said, yeah. He goes, they're bringing you on stage.

Oh, my God. I'll be right back. So I do the show. Great Roy. He says, you're the comedian? I said, yeah. He goes, they're bringing you on stage. Oh, my God. I'll be right back. So I go out, I do the show. Great show. I come back, Roy. I say, you're a fantastic man. You want to go on tour with us? I said, I got to get some.

You have some blow? I leave. I travel from Worcester to the next. The next day, I go, man, Roy Robinson asked me to go on a ride with him. And I worked with Ray Charles. You know, I worked with Ray I go, man, Roy Orbison asked me to go on a road with him, you know. And I worked with Ray Charles. You know, I worked with Ray Charles. Oh, wow. Yeah, and he was so good to me.

Oh, man. He goes, Lenny, you're the funnest comedian I've never seen. Then I went to Vegas. Oh, he was great. It was amazing. The only person I ever opened for that I really hated was Juice Newton. She was such a bitch to me, man. Really?

Yeah, I was a young guy, you know, and I was doing, like, the Cape Cod Melody Tent, you know. She was like a country star, right? She had one song. She had one hit. I don't even know what it was. She was mean to you? Yeah, she was mean. So my buddy showed up, you know, my high school buddy.

They climbed up and they took the Juice Newton off and they took the letters and put Lenny. Oh, Jesus Christ. She was pissed. Yeah, it didn't work out well. Was that what she was pissed about? No, she was just pissed. I don't know.

Maybe she didn't want a comedian. I don't know. I was excited about meeting her. She's a star. Juice Newton. Was it playing with the Game of Hearts or some shit? I don't know. She had one big hit.

I had a buddy of mine who was in love with her. He had a Juice Newton poster on his wall. Every time I go over his house, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

Tell him he wasted his time. It was a long time ago. I don't even know who that guy is anymore. I don't even remember his name. I think it was Mike. You know who opens up

for Metallica? It's Brewer. Yeah. He tours with them. Yeah, he tours with them. And apparently, he's fucking sensational. Oh, yeah. Because he's a big Metallica fan. Yeah. Bobby Brule. Everywhere. He tours with them. Yeah, he tours with them. And apparently he's fucking sensational. Oh, yeah.

Because he's a big Metallica fan. Yeah. And he does a game show. Yeah. He's so good. He might be one of the most underrated guys. He's brilliant. Yeah, he is.

He's brilliant. He's great. I love him. He's one of the most underrated guys ever. Yeah. He really is. He's just so, he doesn't give a fuck. No, he doesn't.

He just wants to make a living, have a good time. You know, he's not trying to get more famous than he already is, but if you get a chance to see Jim Brewer, holy shit.

He took the wife and kids to Africa. He was talking about the trip to Africa. From Metallica? No, no, just, well, I think they were there, but he flew the wife and kids

over to go on a safari. I was going to take my kids to Africa, but they were going to have to get malaria shots. I was like, I don't want to do that. Well, you know was going to take my kids to Africa, but they were going to have to get malaria shots. I was like, I don't want to do that. Well, you know what? I mean, not only that, but, you know, there's like AIDS.

No, no, I don't mind the lions. I don't care if it stinks. Well, I don't think anybody's going to fuck my kids. No, but wait, wait, wait. Let me finish. You got a mosquito with AIDS. It bites you. What happens?

I don't think that works. You don't think that works? I don't think that works You don't think that works? I don't think it works that way Well we We gotta find out Yeah but that was What everybody was worried about A long time ago

So it's not just me But in the 80s That was one of the Big fears Was that mosquitoes Mosquitoes are gonna give You know One guy would have

HIV He would get a mosquito bite It would fly over to you And it would give it to you But But then it comes from like a monkey in the tree, a tree monkey.

Isn't that how the AIDS thing started? They think, this is a lot of confusion, but they think it was probably from a hunter who was hunting a monkey and cut, no, he didn't fuck the monkey, cut himself while he was cleaning the monkey. While he didn't fuck the monkey cut himself while he was

cleaning the monkey while he was gutting the monkey because this is a very common thing it sounds disturbing but what they call

bush meat and what bush meat is basically any kind of meat from any kind of thing they shoot in the woods and they would

shoot monkeys when I was a boy bush meat was a whole different thing yeah I was around back in those days. Back when there were bushes, we're real. You call girls a bush, and people are like, what the fuck are you talking about?

No one has a bush anymore. Oh, God. That's porn. Porn changed the game. That's the biggest influence of pornography in American culture is not just that people watch it, but it changed the way people groom their pubic hairs. Oh, yeah. I grew mine. I shave all my stuff

because it makes me feel younger. Good move. Yeah. Once they get gray, it's like, this is just depressing. Yeah. And then you start a little, like, hey, look, I'm a kid again.

Yeah, Bush. But anyway, that's how AIDS, apparently, they think HIV spread from patient zero, was a guy who cut himself while he was cleaning a monkey. He was cutting up a monkey. Well, see, this is an informative show. I didn't know how that worked. Yeah, I might be wrong about that, though. Well, look, I was wrong about the mosquitoes.

Don't be hard on yourself. I just don't think that it, I don't think it's as transmittable as like, say, malaria. All right, but say mosquitoes transmit malaria. Yes. Yeah. Right. Well, what's the difference between a good chunk of blood going into, you know what I mean? I don't think it works the same way.

I just think it's more difficult to transmit, which is one of the reasons why men typically don't get it from sex. They get it from needles. Women get it from sex because a guy comes inside of you, and that's how you get HIV. This is Medical Talk 101 on NPR. We appreciate your donations. Without your donations, we can't operate. Send us something.

We'll give you a nice handbag to keep your bush clippings in. Is Sweeney still doing radio? Does he still do radio? I didn't ask him. He's not doing radio. He does once a week I think. Oh, yeah. He does a little internet thing. He's not doing the... He was on ZLX for a couple of years. Yeah, he was making some good money

too. Is there a radio in Boston anymore? No. Well, there's Kiss. There's still Kiss. Mark Parenteau was the pioneer with the 505 Comedy Hour. That really helped boost comedy in the 80s. He was a big proponent. Yeah.

He helped me an awful lot. I remember one night he came in and he said, you know, you've got to make the move on me. Hey, man, I don't want to smack you around, but this ain't going to work. He said, why don't you come on my show? I said, I make the move on me. Hey, man. Yeah. You know, I don't wanna smack you around because, you know, this ain't gonna work. He said, why don't you come on my show?

I said, I don't know how to do radio. He said, look, you're the best comedian. I'm the best DJ to work. I tried it. We were selling out,

you know, theaters. I mean, it was just incredible. Every time we'd go on a show and promote it, it was incredible. Yeah, he was huge.

And I really appreciated his help, you know, but. Is he still around? No. No. No. No. Unfortunately, passed a couple years ago. Oh, did he his help. Is he still around? No. No. He unfortunately passed a couple years ago. Oh, did he?

I went to see him two weeks before he died. This is Max in the Mass General. So I went in, and he started laughing. And then he was nearly choking. I said, man, what's going on? And he says, oh, you know, it's not good, Lenny. I only got a couple days. I said, is it AIDS?

He said, no. So I kissed him on the forehead. He goes, you asked me. I said, well, you know, man, not good, Lenny. I only got a couple of days. I said, is it AIDS? He said, no. I said, so I kissed him on the forehead. He goes, you asked me? I said, well, you know, man, I love you, but I got shit to do. I can't be catching AIDS. I thought it was from mosquitoes. I can't be taking a shot. What did he get?

What happened? I don't know. You know, I don't know. But I guess a lot of things went bad, you know. Is Matty in the morning still around? Oh, he's huge. He's the number one. Yeah.

That's crazy. He was huge back when I was delivering newspapers. Yeah. Joe, he's going to be on the air almost 40 years now. Wow. And he had a TV show before the radio gig. Wow. He's a good guy.

Yeah, I did that show. Yeah, not a bad guy. Always a good guy. I did that show. Well, he crossed me once. He crossed you? Yeah, and I flipped out. I threatened to fight him, so I went on the sports channel,

and I said, I will drop 100 pounds and fight Matty Siegel for children's cancer. And then Barry and Elliot said, we'll put the chairs. We'll donate the chairs. We'll put lounge chairs in the donate the chairs we'll put lounge chairs in the ring and then someone donated the venue and then

it got really crazy and then Matty said listen I'm sorry you know we were doing an event that his mother passed away from

and I said alright I'm sorry I apologize so we're back to being friends because we've been friends a long time but then you know

I mean sometimes people you know one thing about you know I mean sometimes people you know you know what one thing about you that I've always admired see because I liked you before I even knew you were a badass I just thought you were nuts

I didn't know you were you know stone cold killer but the point is you have such a way and other friends of mine that are just

really you know dangerous people very very calm you know even when people you know push you to the limit really dangerous people. Very, very calm. Even when people push you to the limit, which is good. I wish I did that

because I've been sued a few times. Have you? I've learned to keep my hands to myself. You got to. Oh, but I always admire that. There was an NBA player that I wanted to come for the Celtics, Howard. I think he's with Charlotte now.

And I'd see guys slam him, and he'd just turn and look. And like Logan Mankins for the Patriots. People would smack him in the back, and he'd turn around and just give that look. And they'd back away. I always admired people that could control the madness. You know what I mean? Because I never did. You don't want to let the genie out of the madness. You know what I mean? Because I never did. You don't want to let the genie out of the bottle.

No. Oh, no. Because that's when, you know. Things can get. People die. Yeah. People go to jail. Things can go.

You make horrible decisions when you're in a rage. Yeah. Yeah. Also, you got to be, like, if something does happen, you got to be able to stay calm while it's happening. And then you see where the shots are. Because when people get frantic, the adrenaline starts pumping. You start hyperventilating and freaking out.

You don't see things. You can't see things that are happening. It's how people get hurt. Oh, yeah. You learn how to do that in competition. Right. Competition, you can never freak out. You never can be emotional.

If you're emotional, you lose all track of what's happening you lose your breath you get tired quick you know you get that big adrenaline i have much respect for people that you know like mma and and martial arts and all that i remember in college my freshman year of college a buddy of mine who was a fighter jimmy fowl great fighter golden gloves champion i mean he said lenny i think you could be A good fighter So he took me to this gym In Springfield And I fought this Nigerian He was my Nigerian nightmare

He'd only been here Like a week And I was like 220 He was like 235 You know And he couldn't even Barely speak English And we got in a ring

And for the first 30 seconds I was awesome And he hit me with a shot That put me airborne I mean I was out cold Before I was awesome. And then he hit me with a shot that put me airborne. I mean, I was out cold before I hit the mat. And I woke up, and he was staring down at me. Please don't get up, man. Please don't get up.

I said, no problem. And I realized that wasn't going to work for me, you know. I mean, I've never lost a power room fight, but probably out of fear. And just, you know, the fight or flight, you know, I wanted both. They'd both kick in. Let's fight and get out of here as fast as we can fight or flight you know i wanted both they'd both kick in let's fight and get out of here as fast as we can it's always a bad idea like but the thing about bar fights too is like you're not fighting one person you know there's other dudes around you you can't see them there's people that hear about it on the phone they come over they're waiting for you when you come out oh yeah yeah hitting you with bottles Well, weren't you a bouncer at Great Woods, Joe?

Yeah, yeah Mansfield, yeah Yeah, I was one of the security people And I quit during a Neil Young concert Because Neil Young One of the things that we would do is We would catch people bringing in booze, right? Right, right

We would always have to check people's bags When they were coming in But the other thing that we'd do Is we'd try to keep order in the lawn You know how Great Woods has that lawn area yeah well one day during a neil young concert they started having bonfires in the lawn so in the middle of the fucking concert people are lighting fires and we had to tell these people to start to put the fires out and i remember uh i had a good friend his name was larry j. He was, the whole, the whole staff

of employees was like, there was a few guys. It was a guy named Alley Cat who ran the, Yeah, I remember Alley Cat. Alley Cat,

yeah, yeah. He always wanted to open up a place called Libations, Alley Cat's Libations and Victuals. I never remember, I've always remembered that. He wanted to open up a bar.

That was his dream. I remember him. But the first time I met Alley Cat, some guy had uh stolen one of the golf carts they had a security golf cart some drunk kid stole the golf cart and they beat the fuck out of him with walkie talkies i'll never forget that i was like jesus these guys aren't playing and you know i might have been getting like 20 bucks an hour i don't remember what the fuck it was but but i remember thinking jesus i don't want to get in actual fights here

because i was competing at the time, too. I was 19 years old, so that was when I won the U.S. Open, and I was in the height of my competition days. And this fight broke out on this lawn, and they were all Taekwondo black belts, all like either national champions or state champions. There was like five or six of us out there. And my friend Larry, who was like the nicest guy in the world, he was in some sort of altercation with this guy and I see him slam this guy in the stomach and drop him.

I'm like, fuck, if Larry's punching people, this is bad. So I'd always brought a hoodie with me because I was a coward. And as soon as the fights break out, I would put a hoodie on over my security jacket and zip it up. And I'm like, fuck you.

I'm not fighting for 20 an hour you're out of your fucking mind so i put my hoodie on and i quit i walk right out the fucking door with everybody else and i just never i didn't collect my check that week i was like you can keep it i'm not dying no it was brawls were breaking out people were kicking people's asses and hitting people with shit there was fire everywhere and my my preservation instinct kicked in. I was like, there's no fucking way. No way I'm getting involved in this.

That was my last day on the job. Did you ever work there? I mean, perform there? Yeah. No, I never performed there. I never performed there. But I got to see a lot of guys. I got to see Cosby perform there.

I saw Kinison. Kinison there. I saw Rodney. This was in the Rodney bathrobe days. Oh, yeah. So Rodney was backstage And one of the guys Who I worked with

Saw his hog Oh yeah Because he would Be fucking full naked Underneath his bathrobe And he had a giant dick And his dick was hanging out I spent hours with Rodney

We shot this movie Out here Meatball Sparks Meatball Sparks And he said Come on kid Let's go get high So we're in this trailer

with Smokin' Top and he starts taking his clothes off. He takes the robe off and now he's sitting there with just his dick in him. Oh, Jesus, come on. He goes, what, you never seen

a man's dick before? I go, well, not, not, no. This is so relaxed. I go, put something over here. He gets a faith call.

Hey, you happy now? I go, yeah. He says, listen, he goes, I want you to be careful with this dope. This dope's really, I said, you happy now? He goes, yeah. He says, listen. He goes, I want you to be careful with this dope. This dope's really... I said, Rodney, I've been smoking 30 years. I'm fine.

He goes, I'm telling you. They bring this shit. Indians bring this in in canoes. This shit's very, very good. So I leave the set, and I'm out past Calabasas, way, way... I live in the marina. And I go, where the fuck am I? The next day, I show up. How'd you do? I got lost the marina and I go where the fuck am I next day I show up how'd you

do I got lost he goes I tried to tell you well back then they had like California weed today is preposterous I mean it's it's so strong that some people are having psychotic breaks and people have breakdowns and losing their mind and going into mental institutions. It's like 40 times stronger than what we used to. And I smoked every day. I used to smoke and work out. I'd smoke. I'd ride the bike. I'd smoke.

I'd swim. I loved to smoke. I thought it was more creative when I was smoking. It was just like Collins or Linings. Oh, man, I got writer's block. Oh, I'm okay. But it was just, I mean they tell me And now it's legal When I did it

You had to hide it You had to worry about it Now it's everywhere What's interesting is My wife's friends Openly smoke pot now Like whereas like When I was younger

Like if people found out You smoked pot They would look at you Like you're some sort of derelict Like you were doing heroin You're a stoner Yeah like you were a loser Like even if you were successful

Even if you were working every day Even if you showed up on time if you were a pot smoker you were some sort of a loser that was his big downfall he smoked up and i put robert mitchell really yes i met him i met him before he died oh yeah his downfall well well there was there was a period oh he's a dope smoker oh don't smoke dope smoker. People said to me, don't smoke dope. It's a gateway drug. I go, you don't know what you're talking about. Once again, I was wrong. Well, everything's a gateway drug if you really want it to be.

But Rodney, those days of the bathrobe days were his best days. It's the full-on I don't give a fuck days. He didn't give a fuck. is the a full-on i don't give a fuck days he didn't give a fuck he was just friday gave lenny one of his first big national breaks on the hbo special in who was on your special with you lenny shimmel hicks dice uh dom i'm on my rare carol leafa barry sobel barry sobel to this day one of the best specials ever yeah it was it was nuts, you know, because we were out here, and Rodney was auditioning everybody for it. And Mike said, go ask him.

So I said, hey, Rodney. He said, you take a look. And he said, kid, I've seen people with three. No, no, no. And he walked away, and he turned and said, hey, if you can be in New York next week, I'll take a look at you. And Mike said, we'll be there. So we flew back to Boston.

We took the train down. And Mike says, you have any idea what you're going to do? I go, no. So I go into the bar, and there's Bill Hicks sitting at the bar. And I said, hey, man, nice to meet you. I said, I guess it's me and you up for the best spot, you know, last spot. I said, may the best man win. We'll have a drink afterwards.

He goes, I'm drinking now. And I goes, wrong fucking answer. I went out. I punched the fucking phone booth. This was a long ago. I was so pissed. And Rodney goes, who wants to go first? I do.

So I went on, and I fucking burnt it down. Rodney goes, who wants to go first? I do. So I went on and I fucking burnt it down. Rodney goes, Jesus Christ. Now you're on the show. Now I said, it's not my problem. But I made that show.

And Rodney's in the bathrobe, of course. So we got to be good friends. One night we left there and we went up to the Tavern on the Green. Okay. And he's in the robe.

He's in the bathrobe. We're doing blow we're drinking smoking and we go up the doormen oh not tonight Rodney we got some nice people

and everybody goes fuck you nice people I got you the job you cocksucker I'll fucking call you I'll come out fuck you come on

so you saw Hicks when he was in his drinking stage yeah oh yeah I only saw him after drinking I saw him post drinking Yeah

I saw him at Nick's Well the first time I saw him I saw him at the Connection Right I saw him at Nick's and I saw him at the Connection Those are the two places Yeah I mean we became friends after that

But I mean it was That was you know I mean I was trying to be a good guy You know It's Sometimes it's The competitive juices Yeah Or pre juices or i'm not sure what it is it comes out that was the well one of the things that comics of today talk about is how it is a different thing in the community now like the comics community is very supportive there's no competitiveness anymore it's not the

same because it's not like everybody's up for a limited amount of slots on like an HBO Young Comedian special. Or Carson. Or Carson. There's none of that. In fact, everybody helps everybody because everybody does everybody's podcast. Everybody supports everybody. We work together on the road together.

It's a different vibe. Oh, yeah. When I was coming up, it was like that. It was all cut and done. It was cut and done. Yeah. And everybody wanted everybody to bomb after them. I always felt,

I said, look, if one of us makes it, we kick the door down for everyone else. But people were making it ahead of me. And they were slamming that door shut. I'm going, hey, that's me. Open it up, you fuck. You better sleep with one eye open, you fuckers. I'm not going away. And that's why I had to go

from L.A. to, I'd come out here and make going away. And that's why I had to go from LA. I'd come out here and I'd make no money. And Mitzi would go, you'd be funny if you wore a red tie. I'd go, okay, I'll get a red tie. Oh, that's so much better. And Mitzi was great to me. I mean, when I broke through. That's her right there.

Yeah. Oh, I know. I love Mitzi. She said to me, you're like Leto. Joke, joke, joke. I go, isn't that what it's supposed to be? What did she think it think it should be i don't know i don't know i really don't i know but but but she said you're not gonna go away i said no i'm not gonna okay you're a regular i said what's that mean now they get like 25 dollars now i don't want to pay for my parking you know

so i flew back and forth from boston and they had me working everywhere, and I'd make enough money to live out here. And I did every weekend for 18 months. But it was so smart that you did that because you were one of the few guys that left Boston. Right. All these brilliant comedians like Rogerson and Sweeney and Gavin and Donovan and all these guys. Tony V. Tony V. All these guys.

Tony V. Tony V. Yeah. There were guys that, you know, if they went to Boston and got on stage, they'd go, who are these guys? They're up for life. They'd burn the room down every single time. I saw, during the 80s and the early 90s, I saw some of the best stand-up I ever saw in my life.

Well, guys would murder. It's hard to explain it to people. You had to. You had to. You had to. Or you couldn't look the guys in the face. Yeah. Because Rodgers would go, wow, you really sucked tonight.

Oh, dude, everyone was ruthless. Yeah. They were ruthless. But the level of comedy was so high. Yeah, like on a Saturday night, you could see Lenny, Sweeney, Gavin, Steve Wright, all on the same show. Yeah. And it was crazy.

And then they would occasionally at Nick's. Right, all on the same show. Yeah, and it was crazy. And then they would occasionally at Nick's. Nick's was the biggest culprit in this, where they would bring in some national guy. Skippy. Yeah, some fucking terrible guy. They brought in Skippy from Family Ties. Who would sell some tickets, but then they would set him up.

And they'd have to follow these guys. They would follow a fucking assassin group. I mean, it was crazy. It was a murderer's row of some of the best comics ever. I remember Richard Lewis came, and I love Richard Lewis, and I think he's a great comic. But he came in,

and Gav goes, hey man, have you seen this Richard Lewis? I said, no. He goes, watch this special. So I watched him, and I go, yeah. It's going to be cannon fodder. He goes, what?

I go, listen, I'm telling you, it's a lot different from filming and being on stage at Nick's. So he came in, me sweeney and gavin and him and so we go on and we burn it down and he goes on and then he goes back to the hotel 57 and turns on channel four and sees joyce cohey work butchering him in a review and he comes back and he goes i can't believe this is happening i go hey man listen you're a great guy open i said we'll take care of it he goes really i said yeah don't blow i'm throwing shit out the windows you guys are insane and six months later i do my first movie uh the wrong guys

with him and he says i never forget what you did in boston for me he was so nice to me you know and i was a wreck because i didn't do movies Well it's a terrible position For a comic like him to be Because he wasn't That kind of comic No He was like a guy Who would pontificate

And he had these long pauses And stories Yeah stories And funny But these people We don't want Joke Make us laugh

Go Go Yeah It had to be set up right Like if he had Like a low key opener He would be fine Right You know Which I bet he got Most of the time on the road And not crazy Filthy guys It had to be set up right. If he had a low-key opener, he would be fine,

which I bet he got most of the time on the road. And not crazy, filthy guys. No, no, no, no. Shut up, Sully. Fuck you. I'll come down here with a fucking stag. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, it was a very unusual group of guys in Boston, too,

because they were all giant dudes. Between you and Gavin and Sweeney and Knox they're big men you know like these are big intimidating men who are doing stand up

do you remember the doorman Billy sure he nearly killed me one night right the doorman at Nick's yeah

so these kids come in and go hey man he goes we're sold out he gets $200 he goes come with me walks down to the front row. Takes four kids from Child Sound. Screw. Get out.

And puts those guys down. Come back next week. I mean, that's how it was. It was crazy there. It was insane. You had to keep your head down when you were a young comic. Keep your mouth shut. Keep your head down and don't get on anybody's bad side. They told me. I did. I was doing The Connection

and Upstairs was a show with, I don't know, transvestites. People dressed up like, guys dressed up like women before there was titles. Like a drag queen show. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. So I go, and there was no heat. And all the heat was in the middle room at The Connection. I go, look at these poor bastards going up there to see some guy go sing and dance in a dress

freezing their ass off, right? Halftime, break before the next show and Billy comes storming in the back room at the connection. He goes,

who's Lenny Clark? And Steve Wright goes, I am. He looks at me like, what am I going to do with this? I go, I am. He goes,

come with me. And they take me down to Nick's, and they take me down to Southern. You know that fucking show you're making? That bag show you made fun of? We're producing that. You ever say that again, they'll find you dead in the fucking river. Do you understand? Yes, I do.

Jesus Christ. So then I had to go do another show. No, they were Stone Cold Killers. Yeah. He was friends with my buddy Joe Lake, who was my boxing coach. And I brought Joe Lake to the show one day, and they were buddies together, and Joe Lake was a savage. And I'm like, he's friends with this guy.

These are a group of fucking animals. He's in jail. Really? Yeah. He was. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Maybe he doesn't have a radio. Maybe he doesn't have TV. I'm sure he was innocent. Oh, yeah. Of course. Whatever happened, he probably? Sorry. Sorry. Maybe he doesn't have a radio. Maybe he doesn't have TV. I'm sure he was innocent. Of course. Whatever happened, he probably had a bad attorney. Yeah, it was a bunch of animals then. And people were literally getting paid in Coke. Oh, yeah.

My first gig down in Florida, I did a place in Sarasota. And it was a great weekend. The guy goes, hey, Lenny, so it's the end of the week, two grand. He goes, how do you want it? You want it in week, two grand. He goes, how do you want it? You want it in cash or Coke? And I went, how about half and half? So they gave me half and Coke. Yeah, it was nuts.

Then I got whacked out and went to Tampa to see Jackie the Joke Man. Oh, Jesus. And he goes, how did you get here? I go, I really don't know. It was like, I was so fucked up back then. It was like time travel. You know, you could give me blow

and booze in a car and I could end up from Sarasota to Tampa. You look at that on a map, that's not an easy gig. That's not an easy trip. No. And I would just show up.

And there was no GPS. It was like a fucking home in Pigeon, you know. They go, what are you doing here? I go, it's like a blow. Come on in. And he just figured out

how to get there. Oh, God, Christ. I remember we used to call when you get a gig back in the day and some of them would be in New Hampshire in some weird fucking lodge.

I did the lodge. I had the lodge in Salem, New Hampshire. Ironically. I said, I'm doing a lodge one night and there's strippers, male strippers. Can I go to high school with a male stripper? And I said, I'm doing a launch one night, and there's strippers, male strippers.

Can I go to high school with a male stripper? And I said, I'm emceeing, and I got to do comedy in between. So I go, Kathy, is there Kathy O'Malley here? Your kid fell down and hurt his head. Fuck you. Show us your car. At the launch. Oh, man.

This is bad. Well, you get the directions It would just You'd have to write them down On a legal pad Right Just write down Take a ride at the fork

You know And then you go two miles To this road Yeah right It's in Salem You'll find it That's what they say So small

Ask when you get there One night he had me work In Rhode Island Massachusetts And New Hampshire Three gigs And I go In a night

That's a lot of fucking traffic. He says, you can do it. Don't worry about it. And I mean, I know how I did it when I was getting killed or killing someone. It was crazy. Rhode Island was always fun. And when I first met Kennison out at the store,

I said, oh my god. It was like a revelation. I'd never seen anything. And I've seen everybody. Right, right. And I said, this is. So I call him, and I go and i go you gotta see this fucking guy he's nuts man it's unbelievable he's like this preacher with this comedy that's insane and so uh we bring him to boston and and nix is the first stop fired i had to fire him after the first show why he he showed

up all fucked up and you know i got him some blow and he went on stage and he just he was doing like new material yeah and i said sam is there any way you could do your hbo he goes no bro that's been done that's been done and i go well i gotta let you go he goes i figured that yeah then i got him a gig at The Connection. Then he got fired from there. Then you had him a place in Malden. He got fired. Then he shows up at Stitches at my gig. And he comes walking in. And I go, oh, Sam, man, I can't lose this gig.

This is my big money gig. And he goes, do you trust me? Do you trust the beast? Do you trust the beast? Bring me on. I said, ladies and gentlemen, you saw him on the hbo saturday night live he's one of the best i've ever seen sam comes stumbling out with half a bottle of my way chugs it down burps and says someone's fucking me tonight and from then on he just he found the room

down and by the end of the night they had hired him to come back to do the back room at the Paradise. Wow. And it was off and running. But, oh, my God. This is like 86? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right after his special. So we're in New York, and we're doing Caroline's.

And, I mean, everybody comes out to see the show. It's unbelievable. And they're going to do Rolling Stone. He's on the cover of Rolling Stone. And he's supposed to do today rolling stone he's on the cover of rolling stone and he's supposed to do today's show anyway so he he flies in every girl that's ever broke up with him and puts them all up in the same hotel in different floors i go oh my god genius do you miss daddy do you miss daddy money ever it was fucking crazy so i i've never told the story to more than a small group of people.

But we're in the room, and I'm lying on this side of the bed. Brother's bill here. His mom's there. Sam's passed out in the chair. We've been going for days. And Sam's mother goes, Lenny, you've got to get Sam up. He's got to do a Today Show. And I go, Today Show?

That's huge man we can't blow this up and he was just at the point where he didn't care anymore so I said Sam

Sam get up get up you gotta do this your mother wants you to do it this is big it's great for your career and we turn on the TV

and he's putting on his fucking Lenny he's putting on his coat and this challenger takes off and we all we watch he explodes he goes I will this I fucking will this and this challenger takes off and we watch it and it explodes.

He goes, I willed this. I fucking willed this. Now everyone back to bed. He takes his jacket off and his mother's just going, oh, Danny. And the phone rings.

This is today's show. We won't be using Sam today. Oh my God. Don't ever fucking will. I willed it. Because you didn't want to go on the Today Show. That's hilarious. So later he goes, you know, he goes, it was a horrible thing to happen, you know, to lose

all those assholes. But, you know, I guess she was a teacher, you know, I forget her name. And the kids were in the classroom and they're all watching. Anyone want some cookie? There's cake. There's cake. Oh, man. Right after.

I mean, you know, but he was fearless. Fearless. Yeah. I don't know if you know the story about him, but his brother Bill wrote that book, Brother Sam. Yeah. And he talked about how Sam got hit by a car when he was a little kid. He was a normal kid. And he gets this horrible head injury.

And then all of a sudden was fearless. Like that happened to Roseanne and that happened to him. Same exact story. Hit by a car. I didn't know. One personality changes 100%, becomes a totally different personality and becomes this wild, reckless person. Happened to both of them.

Listen, you know, all these documentaries about him and stuff and I see people that were on the periphery edges. I mean, I was with him for a few years. I mean, we brought him to Boston when he wasn't making a lot of money, and Mike paid him, and he loved it. And we became real good friends. And it was just a time in life that I never saw anything like that. Yeah. When he'd break into the preacher thing with his little feet dancing.

I mean, so one night we were up. He started canceling, missing gigs, and he missed the University of Arizona. And his manager goes, and he had a big-time manager. They had just got him, you know, the cover, Rolling Stone, all that stuff. And he goes, Lenny, you've got to get him to the show tomorrow. You're opening for him. I said, okay.

So Sam goes, come on, we'll go back to the place and we're doing, doing massive amounts of blowing shit. And I'm getting up to go to the bathroom

and he never gets up to go to the bathroom. It was just, I, Smash Cup, we're in Tampa and we're doing a show, it was the year that

Tampa lost every game The professional football team And they came in Some big offensive linemen Biggest guys ever seen Can we meet Sam? Yeah Sam These guys want to meet you

And one of them Breaks out a little blow And Sam goes Blows away And he goes Whoa And Sam takes out a bag Puts it down

Not do the rest you pussies And walks out And they look at him like Yeah he's not human So We go back to his place. And now it's three in the morning. It's four in the morning.

And we're supposed to take a 7 o'clock flight. And he said, yeah, we're not going to make that flight. It's 8 o'clock flight. It's only an hour out of LA to Arizona. So 10 o'clock, the manager shows up. And the woman goes, hey, man, this is not good. This is a makeup show. You didn't this is not good this is a makeup show you didn't show for this

it's a makeup show it's sold out he goes take Lenny with you and I'll be I'll follow on so we're in the we're in the plane

and he says how much time you got Lenny I said well how much you need he goes well you know until he gets here

so I go on I'm supposed to do 20 I'm at about 54 and I'm going man I'm running and I'm holding him off 20. I'm at about 54. And I'm going, man, I'm running out. And I'm holding him off. Sam, Sam. And I'm holding him off.

And I look over, and he's on an oxygen tank with a mask. And it's the big coat. Bring me on. The dead live. The dead live. Bring me on. So I bring him on, and the place goes crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. And afterwards, we go to some strip club right

and so we're in there everyone's wild man he's a big star you know i mean people can't believe it so we're sitting all the strippers come over and he's throwing money around and someone throws a can of beer and he goes that's it he goes you girls want to make more money in the night than you make in a month come with me and we go about eight of them come and we get in a limo and we go back to the hotel and we're up the hotel we're doing lines of drinking everything and he goes Lenny he goes I know you're married he goes but in about five minutes things are going to change he goes you might want to go he says because once you open this door you'll never be able to close it again and I said I thought all right, brother. Okay. And so I left and I went back to my room.

Got an extra cookie from the Doubletree. Went up in my room. So the next morning, I get up and I go over to the room and I open it up and it's fucking destroyed and there's blood everywhere. And there's people sitting around crying. They're fucking crying. And I'm going, where's Sam? Oh, it was horrible. I'm going, where's Sam? Oh, it was horrible. I'm going, where's Sam?

I don't know. Fuck this. So I get a cab, I go to the airport, and I fly back. And to this day, I never know what happened. There was one guy, Magic, if you ever listen to this, Magic, fine, because I want to know

what, but it looked like it looked like a bomb when i shit was broken all of it i mean like a trashed place but like dangerously trashed and and blood and still still blow left and oh it was i don't know what happened that night you know mark maron was hanging out with him back in the day when mark was a doorman at the comic store. At the store. Yeah, I remember that. And he was a young kid. Yeah. He did so much coke with Kinison that he heard voices for a year. Wow.

His head was broken. He heard voices in his head for a fucking year, and that's when he sobered up. He came to Boston right after that. Yeah, right. That's when I met him. Yeah. I met Marin in 88 when he just was trying to get his brain back online. Yeah. He was fried.

They cooked his brain. They were just up for days. Not many people could run with Sam. We're in Boston, and I think we do stitches, and we close. I said, come on. We'll go over to Lansdowne Street because Buddy Vass was running that. So now we're drinking bottles of champagne like it's going on. He goes, that's it, man.

It's enough. We got to go. So we leave. Sam goes, where are we going now? I go,, that's it, man. It's enough. We got to go. So we leave. And Sam goes, where are we going now? I don't know, man. There's no bars open. It's after two. He goes, you got to know a place. I go, most of the places I know, they're folded up. They've been shut down. He goes,

wait a minute. He goes, the limo we had the other night had booze in it. He goes, yeah. Call a limo. So they call a limo that comes fully stocked with a bottle. He goes, yeah, call a limo. So they call a limo. It comes fully stocked with a bottle. He goes, never underestimate my booze. We'd be drinking it. I said, how the shit happened then?

It was insane. Just not human. He's a wild motherfucker. That's for sure. He changed comedy. He really did. He changed what comedy was. It became something.

Before him, it was people telling jokes but he was so outrageous and when he did that hbo special that one that he did from the roxy on sunset i was there yeah that fucking special changed comedy like it changed people's idea like when he did that joke about the homosexual necrophiliac I'm at the store one night. I go in. And the cops, the cops left Sam. And there was like about seven squad cars out in front of the comedy store. I'm going, oh, Sam.

And they're all lined. The steps and all. They're all watching. And he's bombing. You know, I mean. He goes Yeah People don't seem to like me I want you to do me a favor

You know When you go home tonight I want you to take A piece of paper A napkin Something Anything you find And I want you to write on it

Someone in your life That's passed You know A brother A sister A mother The sacred dead I want you to take that home

And I want you to get home And I want you to Wipe your fucking ass with fucking jizz on a fly and it was like, oh my so fucking funny. And everywhere we went he would leave like 20 or 30 tickets for the cops in that town

wherever we were. Really? Yeah, yeah. The cops would always show up. Oh, that's awesome. So one night we're up at Mitzi's and he's up there jamming with Everett Clapton, Phil Collins. I forget who the other guy was. And they're on the port, and he's got the guitars, and we're rocking it out, right? And I'm going, I can't play, but I'm going, this is insane.

And so the cops come, and he goes, Lenny, take care of it. So I go up, and there's like three, four cars, the lights going on. I go, what's up? They say, hey, you got to cut it down. I said, oh, man, you don't have to believe it. Eric Clapton's on there with Phil Collins and the jammer. It's Sam. And he goes, Sam, can we meet Sam?

So I go down. I go, Sam. The cop said, it's OK, but you've got to come up and take a picture with him. And he goes, you fuck. I said, Sam. I said, is he there? They're closing it down. So he goes up.

And they have Polaroids. That's when they had the Polaroid cameras. And they took Polaroids. I had me taking the Polaroids and Sam and the cops. I'd love to see those pictures. But you never knew who was going to come over there. You never knew who was going to come over there. It was just incredible.

He's the example that I always give to comics of a guy who was at one point in time one of the best ever. Oh, yeah. But then dropped off hard. Like he dropped off in a big way just stopped writing too much partying his brother talked about it in the book he just it's what can happen like you can't you gotta respect this fucking thing and he was just all about the ride and then also he became very very famous probably too famous right you know well we were doing the Outlaws of Comedy at the Dunes

that's how long ago the Dunes is in there now and he had driven out with Tamayo Tamayo Asuki and I get a call

early in the morning Lenny Lenny come quick Sam's dead I go what so I go over to the Caesar's Palace

and I can't wake him I take the champagne thing, take it out, pour water on me, and Tamiya pushes me out of the way. And she goes, Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond.

Sam would have her say that every... You'd have her say that every morning? Tamiya, I mean, she was so funny, man. I really enjoyed her. She was sweet. I used to work with her at the store a lot.

I don't know if she's, is she still doing comedy? I don't know. I haven't seen her ever. Yeah. Oh, she did this. She came up. You know, in your country, you say, I work miles to school in the snow. In my country, you drop atomic bomb on us.

Crazy shit. Yeah, funny, funny, funny stuff, man. But he was, oh. crazy shit yeah funny funny funny stuff man but he was oh first time I ever did ecstasy they were closing

the club that he started at in Austin Texas he goes we're all going we're all going yeah we're all going so he drove

I think he drove I flew down I met him and someone comes in he says hey man you gotta try this he goes what is

ecstasy he goes yeah man give me all you got how much is that like 10 bucks give me all you got so we go

we're all on ecstasy I never did ecstasy and we're sitting on a couch we're drinking we're doing blow and he starts to float away right so this is how I

so I reach over and I bring him down and someone goes what the fuck you queer touching Sam and I run on down. Someone goes, what the fuck? You queer touching Sam? I don't want to show. And Sam goes, thank you, Lenny. Thank you for bringing me back.

Crazy. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I was in my shitty apartment in New Rochelle, New York when I was listening to MTV News. And they told me that on the, they told us that he died. Oh. They called me and said, Lenny, Sam's dead. And I said, have you seen the body?

You know, because I couldn't believe it. Killed by a 19-year-old drunk driver. Who was a fan of his. I mean, I could, you know, I'd seen so much and did so much with him, I just, I didn't think he was capable of dying. Oh, when he's doing back to school, he says, come on, we'll go to the set. And we go and see Rodney's in the robe.

He goes, hey, Rodney, what's up, kids? You want to be in the picture? And I said, well, listen, Rodney, I appreciate it, but would you put my wife in the picture instead of me? He goes, you're going to put your bride in the picture instead of you? I said, I've been on the road with Sam for the last month. He goes, no problem, picture's in the picture instead of you? I said, I've been on the road with Sam for the last month. He goes, no problem. Bitch is in the picture.

So we put my first wife in back to school. She's got a nice prominent role in that, man. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Crazy, right? God damn. How the fuck did you come out of all that so healthy? Like, you look great.

Thank you. Thank you. You really do. You got my dream gym out there, brother. That's fantastic. But, you know, it's funny because I listen to you about, you know, your workouts. Like the hanging thing where you just hang. You know, people doing pull-ups and stuff.

Just hang. It's great for your shoulders. It's great for everything. The back. 30 seconds. Get to a minute. Stuff like that. And when I did, I forget, I was doing a TV show and I saw myself.

I was 388 pounds with a 56-inch waist. And I had always been, you know me, when I first started, I was doing a TV show, and I saw myself, I was 388 pounds, with a 56-inch waist. And I had always been, you know me, when I first started, I was a thin kid. And I just, I was the only guy I know who did coke and had an eating disorder. I would do a line and have a steak. I just, it was something about it. Coke affected me really different than most people. So I had the heart problems problems i had all that stuff i get i got i started to get better and then i i once i get sold by i turned even more to food

i got bigger and bigger and bigger and one day i just said i'm gonna stop and then i started i went to weight watchers you know and i lost like 100 pounds with them and i thought i was going to be the spokesman and they ended up giving the job to Charles Barkley and then he was talking about fat bitches in San Antonio. I'm going, this is why you think I love Charles Barkley but I was the guy and he put the weather. I lost 100 pounds with them and I was so good and then Oprah

took over and I thought I'm definitely in because I did Oprah. I mean, I didn't fuck her. I did her show and I thought that she would like me and that never happened. So I started working out on my own. I started riding a bike and i started swimming and i started uh started lifting weights because i never lifted in high school i was always real thin i was like 178 pounds in high school and then i start i get into i get into doing sit-ups and abs and crunches and and then well remember when i met you on uh what was the movie uh here comes the Boom. You said, what happened?

And the lifting was for my brain. I'd go to the gym, and it was good for my head. And I really liked it. I wasn't doing it to look good. I was doing it to save my life. And then I started to like how I look, and I started working at it. And it's part of my thing now. And I'm 65 years old.

Kids in the gym see me. How old are you? I'm 82. You've got a six-pack medical. Yeah, you can have it too. Just eat right. It's just amazing that you went from wild partying, constant just drugs and booze and partying to 100% healthy. Yeah.

Lifting weights. He wouldn't be here if he hadn't stopped. But it's a hard trend. That's a hard turn. It's a big right angle. Yeah. What, like. Well, the kid, a kid, Phil Barano, I told you, the bank robber kid who's my sponsor,

he said, listen, you can get this together. You can change your life. You can, you know, the sky's the limit. And he wouldn't leave me alone. He'd come to me and ask, where we going? We're going to a meeting. I went to one yesterday. He goes, you need another one.

Can't stay clean on yesterday's shower. They drove me crazy. Can't stay clean on yesterday's shower. How about that? So, and he just, he just was, he was all over me. And I started to get spiritual, you know. Did you ever slip? No no no no no no no i because i'm definitely afraid and i'm not and i'm not a i'm not a preacher you know i don't i

don't talk about it you know i mean i'm talking about now because you asked me but you know and i don't judge anybody you know if i'll drive you want to get one i'll drive you know but people say if you if you break out will you come to my house i mean i was i was insane and i didn't even mean to be i didn't know you know i mean and now a lot of this stuff's like like like you were saying earlier you know pod's 20 times 40 times stronger i'm going really do you ever do you miss any of it oh i miss I miss it all. I miss it all. But, you know, I can't. I can't go.

I know how bad I was, you know, and I lost. I lost a lot. You know, I mean, I'm still working, you know what I mean? And, you know, I mean, it's something I don't want to go back to. I did it, you know. I mean, I used to go to Playboy Mansion. I was at Playboy Mansion all the time, you know. I was there at the high that would have had seven girlfriends, you know. He did it. I used to go to Playboy Mansion. I was at Playboy Mansion all the time. I was there at the

high that would have had seven girlfriends. He came up, I'm having a good time, Lenny. He knows my name. This woman was,

this old woman was putting her coat on and I went over and I helped her with her coat. She said, aren't you nice? She said,

what's your name? My name's Lenny. She said, my son was named Lenny. I said, really? I said,

what do you do? I'm a comedian. My son was a comedian. I go, you're not Sally Ma. She goes, yes. And Sally Ma and me became best of friends. She'd call me. That's Lenny. I go, really? What do you do? I'm a comedian. My son was a comedian. I go, you're not Sally Ma. She goes, yes. And Sally Ma and me became best of friends. That's Lenny Bruce's mom. Lenny Bruce's mom, yeah. And she

said, come get me. And I go, you know, Joe, horrible story. I hadn't, we got together twice a week, you know. I mean, I just, Sally Ma came. And, you know, Lenny would steal a lot of my fucking material. I'd go to a club and Ken would say,

hey man, there was a guy in here that does all your material. Is his name Lenny? He's my fucking son, that thieving prick. She was really funny. She was a comic?

She was a, oh yeah, Joan Rivers was doing a movie of her life. Sally Meyer, I never saw her, but yeah. I had no idea.

Yeah, her son would steal her act? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right,

right, yeah, yeah yeah oh yeah oh she was at 83 she was raped by some crazy mexican who broke into her house and i and she goes i'm 83 i'm a small fat little jew and this guy's fucking me and i'm going you could you that that's your dick that's all you've got you know and she says then he started beating me i go no you're a cocksucker you you're not you don't have enough of a cock you're gonna beat me i'm an old woman and she was oh it was all fucking bad i had to visit in the hospital it was it was horrible you know i mean this should happen you know i remember sam had her open up his special yeah yeah and and we did the thing to raise money for her, too, you know, because, I mean.

Yeah, one of his specials. She actually, she came out with him, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I introduced Sam to her because I had met her at, you know, she was an old woman

at the Playboy Mansion. She was the only old woman. And half loved her. And we'd go up there unannounced And we'd sit down We'd, you know, eat And then I drove her everywhere Wow Yeah, pretty crazy

Yeah, I mean, I would Have you seen that new TV show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? No, everyone tells me it's a great show It's a great fucking show I mean, it's not historically accurate Like the way they talk It's like they're doing kind of modern stand-up

But they're doing modern stand-up but they're doing modern stand-up back in those days and the woman that didn't exist like there was no woman like mrs mazel historically like it took a long time before i mean she was more rowdy than lenny bruce was in the television show but it shows you what it was like back when people were just getting arrested for saying things and it makes you realize like lenny bruce that fucking guy paid he paid the price and we're all benefiting from him well you know when when i first started uh there was one book the last laugh that was all there was about comedy it was no no movies, no documentaries, anything.

And I wanted to know as much as I could about all the guys who came before me. You know, because I'd watch, I remember I saw Alan King do stand-up on TV, and I went, oh, my. It was unbelievable. I said, gee, fantastic. Then I saw him as an actor, and I went, he's amazing. And I got to work with Red Buttons. You know, I mean, he wasn't a comedian, but he was really funny, you know. And, I mean, the people that came before me, I knew every single one of them. I'd studied them anyway.

And this was before YouTube and stuff. I'd just read whatever I could find on them. And I would tell these young kids coming up, I'd go, you ought to look at the guys who came before you. And they're not interested at all, you know. I go, you ought to look at the guys who came before you. And they're not interested at all. When I saw Gleason, Gleason was what I wanted to be. I just thought Jackie Gleason was just amazing.

And I said, I want to be like that guy. Because he was incredible. And people didn't realize he was a stand-up. I didn't know Gleason did stand-up. Oh, yeah. Really? One night, two-ton Tony Galenta was giving him shit. The boxer? And Gleason heckled him.

And Tony knocked him out. Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was incredible. Because I met Art Conti. You know, Jackie Gleason was obsessed with UFOs. Did you know that?

No, but I kind of dig it, too, man. There's a story. This guy told it to me. Some guy was a rock band dude. He told me the story, and I don't know if it's true. But the story was that Gleason was friends with Nixon. And Nixon said, you want to see some shit? And Nixon took him to-

Area 51? I don't think it was Area 51. I think it was Hangar 18, which is a Wright-Patterson Air Force base. And I think it was Area 51 I think it was Hanger 18 Which is a Wright-Patterson Air Force Base I think it was outside of Columbus, Ohio And they supposedly had some fucking crashed UFO there And Gleason built a replica of it Or had a replica of it built in his fucking backyard in New York Wow

It went to the Homestead Air Force Base outside of Miami, it says Oh, wow There you go. Beautiful. I got a bullshit version of it. Pull up the actual version. Where are you getting this from? I just Googled it. I mean, it's a rumored story, so I don't know how it fits.

Yeah, that's how I got it. I got it from a guy in a band. It might be bullshit, but he gave me some book on UFOs. He was telling me about this. But Jackie Gleason apparently was obsessed with UFOs. Well, I believe there's got to be something out there. We're it? I mean, that's it?

No. I don't believe we're it. I did a lot of USO shows, and I've been around the world. And every time I've done it, I was off the coast of Turkey someplace, and the commander at the base took me out for dinner afterwards and I got him drunk. I got him pretty drunk. I was sober at the time.

I got him pretty drunk and I said, hey man, he goes, let me ask you about Area 51. He goes, he got stone sober. He goes,

this conversation never happened and he left and I had to take a cab to find my way back to a nuke base that no one knows about. Jesus. So then I'm at the Dunes.

That's how long ago that was. And I'm with these guys who are in the Air Force. And they said, man, we really like your show. We're fans of yours. I got them drunk. And I said, hey, man, what about Area 51? And they said, Mr. Clark, good night. And they walked away.

So now me and Mike are golfing with these blue angels. And he goes, you're going to ask them? I go, no. The second year, we golf with them again. I go, all right, fellas, tell me about Area 51. They go, well. He goes, I was flying a plane, and I had malfunctioned, and I had to land there. And they came out, and they pretty much blindfolded me,

took me into a building, and they fixed my jet within 35 minutes and then put me back in the place. They said, you were never here. And I went, oh, my God. So I don't know what's out there. Yeah, but that was – here's the thing. That was an area where they were testing all sorts of military equipment. They were testing different new new like that's where the

b2 or the the stealth bomber right yeah they were testing that there and and and the spy plane yeah they were testing a lot of shit yeah so there was a lot of top secret stuff there right didn't necessarily have to be aliens i i understand that and and and i'm i'm hoping that there is but he's still trying to find out but i'd love to to go there, man. Oh, man. But you can't even drive. If you drive up there, Joe, by the time you get your camera out, they're on you. They tell you, get out of here. We'll lock you up.

You know, it's not good. They don't even go there anymore. They've moved to a new area. They've actually, because it's so heavily scrutinized and because of Google Earth and all sorts of different ways you can see things, they've actually moved to another area. Well, I read everything I could find about that too. And I think I read the book Area 51. It was a couple, two years ago.

And basically at the end of the book, it was like Hitler had these, you know, his guys experimenting with the Jews and cut, put their arms on different ways and had an aircraft that looked like a spaceship, and it crashed. And these people came out with crazy arms. They're aliens. And that was in the book, you know, so they kind of shut the shit out of that. I know that Hitler did experiment with some sort of disc-type air vehicle. Yeah, they did, but I don't know if they ever got it off the ground or what the deal was but um the most interesting story is the story of robert lazar bob lazar who was a guy who worked at area 51 and he got fired because his wife was cheating on him and they were recording

all of his phone calls and taping all his conversations and they found out that his wife was cheating on him they thought that he was going to be emotionally unstable and so they didn't tell him why. They just released him. And so then he brings friends to watch these, what he said were alien crafts that they were experimenting with. And they were flying these things around that had some super advanced propulsion system that they were asking him to help back engineer. And he brought friends to do that. And then they got arrested for doing that. And when he did that, then he started talking about it. so he's been discredited by a bunch of people but i

don't know who's telling the truth he says that you know they uh they wiped his uh college record so the no one but people said they went to school with them and he definitely did work for the government but under what capacity who knows but his story is fascinating. And, you know, I want it to be true. You hear it, you want it to be true. Joe, they used to fly the team of people that worked at Area 51 from Burbank. Yeah. Every day, fly them in, they'd work, and then fly them back. It's like they didn't stay over. Well, there was that one airport outside of Vegas.

It was right outside where the Riviera was. Yeah. You could actually look out and see the airport. And they would fly the people from there in unmarked jets. Yeah, I want it to be true. Of course. Yeah, you want it to be true. We flew, we did Guantanamo Bay.

Oh, wow. You did stand-up there? Yeah. What the fuck is that like? It was amazing. Colin Quinn, Greg Geraldo, who's the little kid on Billions? Mike Perbiglia. Mike Perbiglia.

And Gaffigan. Jim Gaffigan. And someone else. We flew in like a CIA plane. Oh. And we did the show. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah.

It was pretty amazing. And I tailored my show to the Marines that were there. These are young guys. And during the week, they said, Mr. Clark, you really lifted the morale of everyone. He says, what do you want to do? I said, I want to go over and torture the prisoners. Not actually torture, scream at them.

Oh, we can't have that. But anyway, we do the show, and we're leaving like three days later, and I get to the airport. I'm the first one there, and I see this little eight-seater plane, and I go, two Spanish-speaking guys. Banya? No Banya.

No Banya. So I go into the gift shop, and I buy a giant water thing so I can piss in it. And the guy shows up, who wants beers? So I buy them all beers. Finally, that's great. That's great. Yeah. We got on the plane.

And we fly. It only took us like an hour to fly in. This was a four-hour flight in a two-engine eight-seater over water the whole way. And about 15 minutes ago, hey, man, where's the bathroom? I go, on the banya. What? By the time we hit Miami, these guys were pissing at the top of the stairs. It was so funny.

Yeah, I was in favor then. But Guantanamo Bay was amazing. That's got to be very weird, being in that place. What year was this? Oh, shit. This is post-9-11, obviously. Yeah, because I said to them, I said, well, can we ride horses? And they said, no more horses.

They had horseback riding. They had beautiful beaches for our troops. And I could see sailfish breaking. And I said, can we go fishing? I've never caught a sailfish. No, we can't. We can't go out. And they said, we'll give you a ride in the gunboat.

I went in the gunboat. They said, what do you think? I said, my wife's boat's faster. I'm going to be honest with you. It was nice, but my wife's boat jams. So then the golf, you had to carry your mat and hit off the mat. It's all been run into disrepair, but it's still beautiful. And because I did TV and movies, I was like a GS-13,

and I got the best apartment overlooking the bay. And that bay is so big, you can fit an entire battle fleet with the battleship and the destroyers, everything that goes with it, right in the bay. All it was in was like a rowboat. The tanks are gone. They said, do you want to go ride the fence? I said, yeah, yeah.

We get up in the tower, and I see the binoculars, and I see this Cuban guy. I give him the finger. They go, no, no, Mr. Clark, it's not an international incident. The guy comes out. I said, I'm sorry. Sorry, I didn't the finger and he goes no no Mr. Clark it's not an international incident and the guy comes out and he goes I'm sorry sorry I didn't mean it and they go

we gotta go away so I said why are you so nervous he goes there's millions of Cubans here they could overrun us and I go really

and I go don't we have no we have a skeleton force now that if they wanted to I said we could call in an airstrike I said I don't know what that's taking

they go about 20 minutes you know jets would come out or wherever probably out of wherever. Probably out of Florida. So I said, the commander goes, if you could do anything, I said, I'd like to go into Havana and buy some cigars, treat the guys to some beers, come in my office. We go in and there's a map.

He goes, see this? This is where you are. He goes, that's where Havana is. Cuba is the biggest island in the Caribbean. I had no idea no 736 miles from havana he said you were closer to havana when you were in miami and i went whoa my god yeah i didn't know that you know but but the guys were great it was a it was a great show they put it on tv like i forget what's probably on youtube someplace sucks they wouldn't let you go fishing

though oh it sucks i wanted i wanted to ride horse. I wanted to ride the tankers. You see all the tank tracks from when they went up over the mountains. And they had taken the prisoners, and they had taken from Camp X-Ray to Camp Delta, because Camp X-Ray was basically like dog cages, and CNN came down. Look how we're treating these people. I mean, they're overlooking the fact that they blew up the World Trade Center. But, you know, so now they're in, they have better quarters than some of the Marines that have gotten them. Well, they had supposedly, and still do, have a lot of innocent people in there.

There was a lot of people that they just scooped up in the wide net of looking to find people that were complicit, people that were working with ISIS or Al-Qaeda. I wasn't there. I mean, I wasn't there when he grabbed them, but there were some bad guys. Bad guys, too. Yeah. Yeah. Some real bad guys.

When Obama released the five guys for that one guy, the deserter, one of my buddies in the sales says, Lenny, I put three of those guys in there, and they're bad guys. They shouldn't be let out. Who knows? Yeah, it's got to be strange, though, to be in that. I mean, that is like one of the most famous prisons in the world, and you're doing stand-up there. Oh, it was unbelievable. I mean, I really liked it.

Castro has never cashed a check. It's $5 five thousand a year we pay him five thousand a year for that uh guantanamo bay and he never cashed a check because he figured if he didn't cash it we could get support he could get out of the deal but that was the deal made like what and joe it was so it was so beautiful like they used to have fire pits and beautiful things, the shade, the families, and the beaches are pristine. But they've let it go to hell. It's so strange. Yeah.

Lenny Clark, you've lived a fucking amazing life, man. Well, I'm going to write a book as soon as a few more people die. You'll be in it please thank you brother hey Joe thanks for having me on thanks for being here my pleasure

pleasure to see you thanks Mike and thanks for taking care of me when I was up and coming man you're the best I paid a lot of my bills because of you my friend

I appreciate it pal alright everybody that's it goodnight wow no dead air.