The Joe Rogan Experience - #1275 - Luis J. Gomez

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

Luis J. Gomez is a stand up comedian and producer. He's part of the Legion of Skanks and also co-hosts "Believe You Me" podcast with Michael Bisping available on Spotify. His new special "Luis J. Gomez Presents Luis J. Gomez" is now available for download. https://www.luisjgomezpresentsluisjgomez.com/

all this shit four three two one pow louis gomez we are live we are live connected through the interwebs and through a network of comedians louis gomez louis j gomez louis j gomez why do you like the why do you like the j because go google louis gomez and watch how many baseball players, criminals, fucking just- That's a problem, making people use the J. That's very pretentious for a guy like you. I agree. No, no, it is.

I understand. But you have to. But it's almost like, well, it's almost ironic because I'm such a piece of garbage, so I would have like a middle initial, like I'm- Right, like you're like a luminary. Yeah. Some important intellectual. Right, like you're like a luminary. Yeah. Some important intellectual. Yeah, it is.

But yeah, it just separates me as well. But I almost feel like I've made it a joke at this point to correct everyone that doesn't say the J. So if I didn't correct you, I wouldn't be being true to myself. I understand. So, Luis J. Gomez. Thank you. I feel like, you know, we've talked about this ad nauseum on the podcast, but I think

this is one of the most unique times for networks of comedians, that we're all connected together in a way that we weren't really before. It was always like East Coast versus West Coast for some stupid fucking reason. There was always this debate where the best comics are from and the style of comedy, but that shit seems to be out the window. Yeah, the internet. Yeah. The best comics.

Nate Bargatze lives in fucking Tennessee. Who's that? He's a great comic. Is he? Squeaky clean. Squeaky clean. My son's godfather. Damn.

Just did a Netflix special. How do you spell his last name? B-A-R-G-A-T-Z-E. Brilliant comic. G-A-T-Z-E. T-Z-E. But he grew up in Tennessee and he was like, dude, I don't want to live in New York or L.A. Good for him

I want to buy a big house For $300,000 A fucking mansion Get ready for the zombies Yeah Yeah The zombies You want to live in that house

Like that old dude And his daughter did You know You want to live out there And have a fucking perimeter Protected Yeah Guys like Stan Hope

He hasn't been in L.A. He's been at Bisbee For 12 years now That psychopath Yeah R.I.P. to Stan Hope's dog Stan Hope buried his dog yesterday Guys like Stanhope, he hasn't been in LA? He's been at Bisbee for 12 years now, that psychopath. Yeah. RIP to Stanhope's dog. Stanhope buried his dog yesterday.

Did a big thing on social media about it. Very touching. Very touching. They had to put their dog down. Sad. I went through that last year with two dogs. They both couldn't walk anymore. I held on as long as I can, but I had to carry my dog in and out of the house. I had to carry him to eat. I had to carry my dog in and out of the house i had to carry him to eat i

had to carry him outside to go and he's 140 pounds right it was just why couldn't they walk he was old man jiu-jitsu with them i feel a lot of leg locks i feel like the dog should have some good defense if he wants to protect my fucking house god um no he's just a big dog that it's really old he was 13 which is super old for a Mastiff. Oh, yeah, those are huge dogs. Really old for him. He's what's called a Regency Mastiff, which is he was part Neapolitan Mastiff and part Pit Bull. But the guy who, my friend Joe, who raised them and bred them, he bred out all of the animal aggression.

So he wouldn't let any dogs breed if they're aggressive towards people or they're aggressive towards other dogs so what you get is this super chill massive dog oh wow yeah who's athletic it's like they're small for a like a mastiff is like they can go like 200 plus pounds but those dogs are not very athletic they don't move very good right but this one was a mix of these are like 140 they're like a fucking running back i got a kid so i have i have a hard time bringing beasts into my home that can kill yeah a child very wise it's a weird it's a you and you and it's sad and i'm not one of these anti-pit bull people but i do understand when you see you know you see irresponsible owners it's not the dog you have an asshole some fucking kid who doesn't know how to train a pit bull the proper way,

an animal that can literally kill somebody. And you see them, the mall children. And it's such a sad thing. So I get terrified. Anytime I see my kid, I walk through the streets of New York City with him. I live in Harlem. So every other block is like the hood, and then it's nice, and then it's the hood and uh he looks so weird like that yeah i figured out how to do that yeah it's you know well it's it's that's what they call gentrification right sort of i mean i guess

this is more of a racially uh they're talking with gentrification sort of i i think it's like a class thing because i grew up in a really shitty i grew up in the suburbs but very poor welfare section eight and kids in the city though when I grew up in the suburbs, but very poor, welfare, Section 8. And kids in the city, though, when they grow up poor, they're like, on the next block, there's like a millionaire. Right. Or they're on the subway, and there's some fucking dude who's going to Wall Street. They're just constantly around an energy of success, which is a very different thing when you go to the suburbs or rural areas. It's depressing.

Nobody's striving to even get out, really. Right. No, that's a very, nobody's striving to even get out, really. Right. No, that's a very good point, right? Like, you get to be truly integrated in New York City, where L.A. is missing that. L.A. is missing that in a big way. L.A., you have rich people and poor people. You know, they're separated by cars. Yeah.

They're separated by neighborhoods. You can't hang out. You have to be in that social circle. You have to, because people always debate, like, oh, who's got hotter chicks in new york or la and the answer is la but in new york you're gonna see them in new york like you walk down the street me and ari uh did uh he does a podcast every year called happy booby day and we did it last year with the legion of skanks and all it is happy booby day it's today to be honest with you it's the first it's the the first like days of spring usually end of march beginning of april and it's the first days of spring. Usually end of March, beginning of April.

And it's the first day that girls wear mini skirts out and their tits are just hanging out. And we literally just walked through the streets following hot chicks. It was the most... I mean, you literally... I don't even know how we have careers at all. We did this a year ago. This isn't fucking 20 years ago. But you get to see them. You get to interact with them.

In LA, you're not interacting with a crazy hot model unless you know the right people. You'd have to be standing somewhere where they go, right? Because in LA, if you wanted to meet, you'd have to run a casting agency. That's what you'd have to do. That's why those guys started that shit. That's why they did that. How many people went into the business just so they meet girls? Just to get pussy. Like 30% of them? That whole motley crew movie they said they're unapologetic

about it they're unapologetic they're like uh yeah we we did this mick mars was like if it wasn't for groupies in a real interview if it wasn't for groupies i wouldn't even become a musician yeah i mean people would criticize that like oh it's so gross this should be a real artist listen that is a crazy life you do not understand no one understands i don't understand there's no fucking like we had david lee roth in here a couple weeks ago there's no fucking way any of us will ever understand what it was like to be david lee roth that is not humanly possible yeah he is not pot and to be to come out the other end as fucking cool as that guy is, like how the hell did that happen? To not be, I feel like I'm dying and I don't party at all really. Like I drink a little bit and I feel like every day I'm like, is that my liver?

I don't even know where my liver is on my body. I swear to God, I couldn't point to my liver on my body. Okay, if you're standing in orthodox stance and someone hits you with a left hook to the body, that's where your liver is. That's why guys drop. Right here. Yep. It's right under your ribs. It's like right here.

So when you punch somebody in the liver you're a lot of guys mistakenly go below the ribs yeah you'd want to go right where the floating rib so the rib bounces into the yeah if you watched like shannon the cannon briggs shout out to the champ oh look at david ruff in that picture yeah oh look at that come on man nobody lives like that that guy was on top of the goddamn world it was built like a greek god he could do full splits he would do fucking wheel kicks on stage and shit unapologetic the level of sex this guy must have had oh my god off the charts oh my god to be honest with you when i started comedy comedy- Look at him. I started comedy wanting, idolizing guys like that.

I grew up on 80s metal. So I started comedy 15 years ago. It was literally a different time. Like, you didn't really have to shy away from being like, yeah, I want to fuck after a show. That wasn't a crazy thought. No, it wasn't. People still want to do it, but now it's just a quiet- Now they have to keep their mouth shut.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, go to Shannon um, go to Shannon, the cannon breaks page, his Instagram page. There's something that very funny that Tucker Carlson said. I know people like, Oh my God,

don't even quote him. He says something very funny. He says, I'm very funny about some of the news anchor that this is all the men that are going to be left. If radical feminists take over the world, apologetic. Yeah.

Bespectacled. I forget what the way he phrased it but it was very funny i was like there's a lot of fucking people like that there's a lot of guys like that out there and it's they don't want to be that guy they're stuck that's all they can pull off well they're they're doing probably the smarter move because we're we're going down a path where i don't think they're saying oh the pendulum will swing back and we're gonna eventually be able to celebrate rape culture again. And it's never going to happen. Okay. We are going down a path where, you know, on television and entertainment, you see what's being booked.

You see what's being pushed out there. And look, despite the fact that there's a political message and everything, there's still some good shit out there. It's not like there's some great content. You know, that's one of the reasons why i posted that tim dillon um video yesterday do you have that shannon the cannon one there's one where he's uh he hits his dude like it's one of his more recent fight clips that he put up the fight starts it goes like 10 seconds and he steps towards this dude and hits him with a left hook to the body and crumples him and i just want to show he's like a master at the liver shot. The liver shot.

He's one of the best heavyweights of all time when it comes to liver shots. He was so good at it. If you would have said point to your liver. Watch this. Watch this. This is Shannon Cannon. Watch this liver. Bang.

That's it. See, he goes to the body and then down to the gut. He'll pop you with the jab, pop you with the hook upstairs. Watch this. Look at this. See, they're just showing it. Boom. Watch the with the hook upstairs. Watch this. Look at this. See, they're just showing it. Boom. Watch the left hook.

Pop. Watch this. Upstairs. Boom. And then downstairs. That's one of them, but that's not the one where he stopped the dude. He just came jumping out of the gate. But there's another one, I think a little bit further back than that, honestly. He looks like he hits so hard.

He hits so hard. He's a big, giant dude. Boxers just in general, we know And you know We obviously both Watch a lot of MMA I don't really watch boxing But now that I'm A pretty big MMA fan I watch boxing

In a different And the way they punch It looks So devastating Oh for sure So I remember one time We did a street promotion

I was running street teams In New York City For comedy clubs Even before I started comedy And we did a thing Where we got like Boxing gloves and headgear And we just went out And we were challenging People to come in and just box and if they could

beat me in a boxing match i've never fucking trained today in my life but if they could just simply beat me in a boxing match they got free tickets to the show that night it was just a way to generate a crowd and my street team guys were selling tickets to people trying to let's go to a dumb comedy show do you think it helped your act at all like i wasn't even doing comedy at that point head punched i wasn't even doing comedy watch that point. Get your head punched? I wasn't even doing comedy. Watch this guy. See that left to the body? See how he digs that? Watch that one more time. Watch how he sets it up. He jabs to the head

and then when you cover upstairs, look at that. Boom! He hits you with the left hook to the face, but it's a quick left hook to set up the left hook to the body. And by the way, he's 50. Yeah. I see his beard. He's a fucking animal. Gets up by his face. Nobody wants to the body. And by the way, he's 50. Yeah. I see his beard. He's a fucking animal. Gets up by his face.

Nobody wants to fight him. But I think there's also a TRT issue. But nobody wants to fight him right now. He has a hard time getting fights. What is that? Well, that's his chin, bro. Leave his chin alone. Don't make fun of his facial hair.

The guy just got fucked up by the cannon. Let's go champ. If you go to his Instagram page, it's all, let's go champ. Let's go champ. It's very inspiring, man. Yeah. Like, if I want to feel good, I go to Shannon go to his Instagram page It's all Let's go champ Let's go champ It's very inspiring man Yeah Like if I want to feel good I go to Shannon the Cannon's

Instagram page Is that where you go? Yeah he makes me feel good It's all positive It's like let's go champ And he's like You gotta drink more water champ You gotta eat healthy champ

Here he is Look at him It's the champ He's always like Super friendly Me and Bisping Had him on the show once We had him call in

I think Bisping Knows him pretty well You gotta be there With him live Yeah he's Yeah he's All personality Yeah he's

He's like a battery He's a black Santa Claus Look at him He's got some serious White in that beard Hell yeah I think he's still Trying to fight

He had some sort of TRT issue. You know, testosterone replacement therapy. They should make a separate league where you just let the guys take fucking steroids and TRT. And who cares? Especially older guys. Yeah, Vitor Belfort's now going to one FC. Yeah, I know.

And looks good again. Looking sexy. Of course. Looking all filled out. Did you see Eddie Alvarez's eye? Yeah, he got fucked up. Whoa. Yeah, that dude, he fought timothy um

nastukin nastukin i think is his last name the guy's a beast that one fc show was legit yeah have you watched it i've watched just highlights i uh i don't have time i don't have time to watch all the ufc fights at this time um so it's hard to kind of to watch the other cards as well but once in a while watching bellator i'll watch one I watch 1FC. Damn, look at that eye. Oh, my God. His eye is fucked up. Oh, my God. That's terrible.

That's a terrible injury. Yeah. That looks like it split his eyelid. It did. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. It split his fucking eyelid, dude. Oh, my God.

People don't realize that side of it. I mean, that's fucking... Well, touch your it. I mean, that's fucking. Well, touch your face. I mean, you had a little bit of an MMA fight. You know what it's like. Not really. You did. It was a fight.

It was a fight against another comedian. You beat a comedian up. I did. It was very impressive. Hey. Hey. It was. He had a Taekwondo black belt from when he was 14 years old.

I need to take that back. No, I now have a Taekwondo black belt. People he was 14 years old take that back no i now have a taekwondo black belt no you know people forget how to do shit man if you don't all bullshit aside but they also gave out a lot of taekwondo black belts that are 100 of course it's it's part of the business if they're not if you're not giving your belts out how you're not going to get people to come back dude i know a lot of people that were like my son's nine years old he just got his black belt i went like oh what are you even saying? I will beat the shit out of that kid right now.

Everyone will. That's the problem. Even other nine-year-olds will. Just an actual tough, athletic kid. A mean kid. Who's not afraid of getting hit. That's the difference between kids who will do karate and kick a board.

There's also the kids that are just from the hood that have been being punched in the face by their uncles and fathers since they were a baby and they are just ready to fight and they're being hit to them it's like you get desensitized to it if you do any sort of training or if you you know you have a really tough environment you actually get desensitized to it you realize after being hit a few times that once adrenaline kicks in it doesn't really hurt you know it hurts after the fact but um so i think you have those kids that will just wreck their shit.

Just a little nine-year-old from the hood that's a tough kid. Kids that grow up around violence. If you get in street fights all the time, if you run other kids get in street fights, people show you how to do things, you learn things. There's a lot of kids that are 10, 11 years old that live in poor neighborhoods, whether it's South Boston or South Side of Chicago, whatever, any dangerous neighborhood that's filled with poverty. Those kids will be more apt to succeed in fights.

Yeah. They understand how to fight better. They'll pull the trigger. They're not going to be- Yes. That's really the thing. They're going to know they have to pull the trigger because people will pull the trigger on them.

Whereas there's a lot of people that talk a lot of shit but they never really pull the trigger you see those guys those are the guys when I say pull the trigger obviously I need mean punch someone I don't mean you said you said Chicago so

yeah well even anywhere I mean it's like especially after that Nipsey Hussle guy got killed that's crazy that's so sad yeah on video too they have the no I'm not a hip-hop

fan at all but apparently was very positive like anti-violence like it wasn't like a you know thuggy rapper that was promoting you know drug dealing and gang violence which i don't really know if even people do that as much anymore i don't know but by all counts this guy was loved and uh you know he, it's just beyond fucked. Just like that, that is still going on in this world. It was, if I'm not mistaken, he got into a fight with a guy, right? And the guy came back with a gun. I don't know.

And shot him. That's what I read. I think it was like a, I don't know if it was like. Something along those lines. Something along those lines. Because when you hear about a hip hop artist artist come down you're like oh is this some long-standing beef and you know you know who knows but i think it was literally a fight that these guys got in and the guy came back with a gun and just fucking started unloading which is

it's brutal that's literally how my father died literally well except with it was with a knife which is a much more hardcore way to do it but my my dad was outside of a strip club at 4 o'clock in the morning, got into an argument with a kid, like a 16-year-old kid. And they got into a fist fight. The kid came back like an hour later with a kitchen knife and stabbed him. That's that. And it's like, God, it also takes a different type of person to, you know, to kill. I'm not the kid in the hood who's just ready to pull the trigger and punch somebody.

Like, I'm not. I grew up in a weird way where it's like, I was taught like, well, you wait till they throw the first punch, which is a terrible strategy. But that's sort of the way that I always, it was always like fistfights in the parking lot with your friends. You weren't trying to really hurt each other. It was, you got into an argument over a video game and you went out back in the parking lot and you beat each other up for two minutes and then that was that um but guys that

are you know willing to kill somebody over whatever just an argument take their life completely without any just even they lose sense of the repercussions of it as well which is sort of like that's something that i think would separate most people and go like, oh, I don't want to go to jail. There's cameras. I think a giant chunk of it is how they're, like what experiences they have growing up. Like what happens to them? Are they abused? Are they beaten?

Are they around a lot of violence? What are they exposed to? And then how much more likely are you to commit that violence to push that onto the next person that's really what it is i mean that's the vast majority i mean it's not uh it's not a shocker that so much violent crime comes from poor neighborhoods it's it's like it makes itself it makes itself of course it's almost like a virus i agree and i i i you know i grew up my mom was extremely abusive I you know, I grew up my mom was extremely abusive. Um You know and I grew up with a around a ton of violence a ton of physical and emotional abuse verbal abuse

Always the threat of violence the drop of a hat It was it was always immediately to i'll beat the shit out of you if you don't do what I say, right? Um, even if she wasn't being violent um, and I dude I go the opposite dude. i i you know with my son dude i literally my son i've never even spanked him i've never smacked him on the hand i've never i've never even really yelled at my son um and i don't think that i got lucky and have a good kid i do have a good i have a great kid but i think it's a direct you know correlation to me not being

aggressive with him right at all right yeah and i talk talking is huge right have little conversations with them don't just tell them what to do ask them how they're feeling yeah you have to give them the why if they don't understand why you know that just in general in life people just in general if they understand why something there's a real purpose there and then they do what they're doing you know with that purpose in mind and i think when little kids they're you know they're so malleable and sometimes it's annoying for them to ask why two or three times and it's easy to lose your patience um but what you realize what you're you know that's you know i'm a piece of shit i'll admit i'm the first one to admit it but the only

good thing i do i think is the fact that i'm creating this good little person he's a really good sweet person that i think is going to be you know all the shit that i didn't really have or you know all the good qualities that i think i you know i could have maybe had if i was raised the right way i'm trying to give my son and i think that's a really big responsibility and that's why you know you i feel bad when you see like real violence like that like fucking people that are like being really you're like dude i know that person experienced some crazy shit 100 and it's not their fault in a weird way and it's definitely not you know i never lived in the worst neighborhood in the world but i lived in a shady one for quite a bit we lived in

this place called jamaica plain uh outside of boston for about a year my parents knew immediately we had to get the fuck out of there we only i think we stayed maybe a year a little over a year and uh we got out of there as quick as we can but there was like a lot of break-ins a lot of it was lower income it wasn't terrible it wasn't like a gang violence shoot them up type shit but there was a lot of criminals yeah a lot of shady shit shitty poverty it doesn't you don't have to it doesn't have to be like gangs it's just just shitty. Dude, poverty makes people do crazy shit. It does. And it makes, I was never around kids that were that aggressive.

Like kids were always trying to fight me. And I just moved there. We just moved there from Florida. And I was like, fuck, I got to get out of here. And this is what led me to martial arts, really. How old were you? 13. Okay. So you were, you know.

Teenage boy. Almost a man. I mean, you're going through puberty at this point. Yeah. That's a scary time. And there was all these kids that were just they were so they were they'd already fucked they're already doing drugs they were these are uh is this like make a plane low income white or white and puerto rican like uh but mostly that mostly white and puerto rican was a lot of it uh just um a lot of cigarette smokers at At 13, kids were smoking cigarettes already.

They were drinking all the time. I used to light my mom's cigarettes for her when I was 10. Is that crazy? I swear to God. Greg Fitzsimmons lived in a house with two parents that were chain smokers in an apartment and they never opened the windows in the winter. Are you crazy? My mom never.

Just think about that. There's no sense. My mom smoked through her entire pregnancy with me. Me too. Dog. Yeah, I mean, they don't. And look, once again, she doesn't know kind of. They knew.

They sort of knew. The jury was out on smoking while you were pregnant, I think, in 82 when I was born. Oh, yeah. For 82. I'm 67. Your mom has zero excuses. My mom was in the 60s, man. They didn't know shit.

Yeah, I guess in the 60s, it was like you had to read a book. And she was only 20. Yeah, my mom was 22. Just stop and think of that is crazy imagine that how old were you when you had your first kid crazy uh 40 you're 40 that's fucking that's so perfect yeah such a perfect time i was 30 which is it's too young and i think my mom was 18 when she had my sister yeah um it's just the just the act of whether no wonder when you start it with if you start at 20 if you start at 40 the act of raising another human being it just changes who the fuck you are it just does it's like everything switches and gets weird and then you're like oh i I'm responsible for shaping your life and at least helping to shape your life.

And if I do a good job, you'll be a good person. You'll go out there and you'll make more good people and you'll meet good people, which is really what everybody wants. At the end of the day, everybody wants camaraderie and love and friendship. That's why, like, what's the worst shit that can happen today you get canceled everybody wants to cancel people yeah you're out get out of here you're done it's over there's a weird thrill which is a strange it's also like i want you to not be able to make money but it's not i want you to starve or go home be homeless i don't really understand it's not specific it's not specific in terms like they don't want you to be able to make an income.

They want to hurt you. That's what it is. Because they're scared of someone doing it to them. This is a big part of why people pull the trigger on that stuff. People are calling for people to get canceled for like nothing, like little tiny things. Never again. It's because they're scared of it actually happening so this is like you have this ultimate power to just just like get upset at someone for virtually anything pick it pick a

cause yeah whatever it is you know it's also it's it's sort of intoxicating and it's fun and most people don't have real opinions on anything and then you have this this you know on on facebook or twitter or whatever social media platform you have an immediate gratification of like i just got 20 likes on a thought of mine yeah that's addictive as fuck that's super addictive you know that that right there well you know i understand why people continue to come back and nobody really cares as soon as you put your computer down your phone down nobody gives a fuck about any of these issues at the supermarket or at the bowling alley or at the library but that's not what's important

what's important is the internet is essentially the whole world is a big window and everyone has a rock people just looking to throw rocks yeah and if you find a thing to throw a rock about whether it's to throw a rock about politics or or gender or race or uh social justice or you know what fill in the blank the environment yeah the saving the animals everyone's throwing rocks you know and very few people are uh actually communicating it's a strange time well you would think that you would want in an ideal world you would want people that have differing ideas to come together, sit down, have an honest conversation. Yes. And go, awesome, dude.

Go live your life. I'll live my life. I learned a little bit just now. Yeah. And then you go off and you go, yeah, that's how you learn from different cultures. That's how we ultimately got to a place. I think it's a great country. In a weird way, I think it's, I'm proud to be an American.

I'm proud. I don't think all the things that people think that are awful about this country are necessarily awful. I think the opportunity to make money, I did grow up on wealth and I grew up poor. For all intents and purposes, I'm living my dream right now. And I get to kind of do what i want to do um and i look at that and i say it's because i live in a place where that opportunity is there of course look america is amazing it doesn't mean it's perfect no it certainly gives you more opportunity than anywhere that i've ever heard of and it's a fun place man i like it here

fucking country is fun but there's definitely some fucked up aspects of it the fact that we're a country this is the the big one is immigration to me because immigration to me when people take a hard line one way or the other i'm always like hmm man this is a weird one immigration is a weird one you don't want to diminish the quality of life for everyone in the country but you don't want to not let people in because that's what the country is based on. And when you see these fenced-in people, and where is it? Is it El Paso?

There was something that they had on the news where they showed all these people fenced in in what looks like a dog kennel, and these people that snuck across the border and they captured them, so they just put them in this fucking outdoor fenced-in cage. Like, dude, we don't even do that

to violent murderers yeah you have a violent murderer there's due process yeah well not not just due process you put them in a prison man right like they don't have the facilities to do what they're doing right and then people like well they shouldn't be coming across the border like i guess so but wouldn't you i'm also like but wouldn't you who cares like i i understand yes there is sort of uh but anybody who is up in arms about immigrants coming into this country most of the time they're also on one side of the political spectrum on every other issue it's not like it's an independent thought it's like they and everybody that's on both sides you know and you know i just sort of i'm gonna i have my own personal

life philosophy where i'm not going to solve the immigration issue. And to be honest, as we're talking about it, I'm going like, I don't know. I have no idea what the answer is here. People are obsessed with being right. People always want to have an answer. I don't fucking know. But I do know that I have things in my life that, you know, I can fix. I know there are, you know, the things about my personality and things about me and my own issues that I need to fix.

So I'll sort of start there. And I think more people need to kind of – You mean before they start espousing opinions, look at themselves and figure out why they're coming up with these opinions? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, just sort of. This one is like it pulls on your humanity. You see a bunch of people caged in with their children in some fenced-in area that looks like a dog kennel yeah this is crazy well i'm gonna say i don't care about that i just i i don't care about people coming in the country and going in these imaginary lines i i you

know it's just sort of like yeah i think it's um i i think as a human being it's hard to see that and i look away from shit like that a lot you know i don't look i i i don't like looking at videos like that i don't like watching sad things i don't watch any gore shit i didn't watch the the video of the dude that mowed down those people in new zealand um you know yeah it is a sad thing and i really don't know the solution look at this shit it says they treat us like we are animals holding pen for migrant families in El Paso. Shut down. Shut down overnight, I guess. Okay, because people found out about it.

It's crazy. Look at that. That's a dog kennel. I mean, people were just sitting around waiting for what? I mean, if that was murderers, they wouldn't do that. So let's say you're the guy in charge, though. What do you do? What would you?

I mean, me, I would go. No, that's a good question. I would go let him in. But I don't know if that's the right answer. I don't know if it's the answer to either. But I guarantee you, all all of our your relatives came from another country my relatives all came from another country are they i'm third generation they they knew that europe sucked they knew that italy sucked and so they're like look i mean no

disrespect italy but they decided i gotta get the fuck out of here and they got on a boat all of them grandparents on both sides, they both came over here when they were kids. Does Italy suck? Seems awesome. From everything I've seen about it, great food. Well, the food is fantastic. Hot dudes.

When I talked to a guy there that was trying to get an understanding because he wanted his kids to go to college in America, and what he was basically saying was there was just not enough opportunity in Italy and that he wanted his son to have more opportunity and so he's driving a cab actually they all speak two languages they all speak perfect english like a good percentage of them yeah they're you know it's a smart place a lot

and the art is insane when you're when you're going through rome and you go through um the vatican you see there are billions Of dollars literally billions of dollars in artwork You're like holy shit This is what a crazy culture This culture all they wanted to do Was create beautiful architecture Create beautiful art make wine Make great food have sex

Fuck like crazy and kind of Take over the world I mean they took over the world For a long ass time I got no problem with Italy Sounds great barbarian people yeah But now today there's not much opportunity if you want to drive a cab make some tomato sauce dude i was driving with this cab driver with my kids in the car and this guy slowed down to check out this chick's ass and yelled out the window at her they're fucking savages man they're ape people my ancestors i'm allowed to say it i uh ape folk i used i used to love catcalling it's terrible it's in a funny way though it's not it's wrong i will preface this

by saying it's wrong but and as as an adult as a 37 year old man uh who has a six-year-old boy um who will probably watch this one day i'll say don't do that don't do what daddy says do as i say not as i do exactly but i will say it was sort of like a funny thing we would just we would just catcall chicks in a funny way we would do it almost like mocking guys who catcall however from the girl's perspective she's just being catcalled yeah the girls don't like it unless they really like it well it depends they could be freaks but it's it's never worth the risk one out of ten might like it. I had talked about this in my special, but if you go holler at a fucking Puerto Rican chick or a black chick.

They want it? They like it. I'm making a generalization here. Different culture. But I'm telling you right now, it's a different level of community. I'm telling you, go watch in Harlem or if you go to Brooklyn, just watch. Louis J. Gomez defends catcalling. Live on the JRE.

I have a bin about it on my brand new special, Louis J. Gomez Presents Louis J. Gomez. I hear it's out right now. Yeah, it just came out. Is it out on Amazon? It's out everywhere. It's out on iTunes? iTunes, guest.com.

What is it again? Louis J. Gomez Presents Louis J. Gomez. Make sure it's Louis J. Gomez or you get a Dominican pitcher from Miami. Louis Gomez Presents Louis Gomez is a completely different thing. Yeah, it's a porn film. It's a fisherman. What were we just talking about? We smoked too much pop before the show.

What's that? Catcalling. Have you ever had a gay guy try to fuck you? Yeah. Are you kidding? Right. How about a big strong one that could kick your ass? Like a gay guy that looks like Deontay Wilder. No, not that I thought could kick my ass but i understand the point you're making yeah if you had a gay guy that you know could kick your ass

that's what it's like to be a chick that's what it's like i i get i go to a high-end gym high-end meaning gay meaning it's a lot of gay guys equinox it's uh it's dude it's gay guys love equinox and i i love the gym it was actually my last day job i worked doing sales there and uh i saw the infrastructure of the company and i know they're they're very you know it's about customer service there and i really like that right are you selling it right now you're selling i'm selling memberships guys so hit me up uh you're selling but it's great the salesman mode i really i'm telling i'm a salesman through and through but i go there now in the steam room, and I mean this. I would say one out of eight times that I go in the steam room, a man will do what,

almost like a presenting type thing where he's trying to fish for me to suck his dick. I guess the famous story was sort of tapping the foot under the stall, but it's not that. They open their towel and they kind of like make eye contact with you. Oh, Jesus. But they do it in a way where you can't call them on their shit because then you look like a fucking big homophobe. Right. And they probably outnumber you.

What, the gay guys? Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Yeah, probably. But it happens a lot. I've gotten multiple free months there because I complain about it. Wow. That's a good move. It's like dropping hair in your own food. Yeah, probably. But it happens a lot. I've gotten multiple free months there because I complain about it. Wow.

That's a good move. It's like dropping hair in your own food. Yeah. I just saw. This is reminding me of a video I just saw. This is a pretty. I don't know if you've seen this video. What is this?

It's like ringing a bell. It's only 20 seconds. It says, man catches guy looking under his stall. Looking under his stall. The guy in a bathroom stall. He's got his video camera. It's just pointed at the floor right now. Okay.

This will pay off. Watch on the floor. Hmm? Watch on the floor. I've been recording it all the time. It didn't even start. Oh. Sorry.

Huh. Jesus. He's also lying on his boner. He's just lying on the floor. What? What is that? That's a guy looking to see people's shit. Yeah. He's looking to suck some cock. That happened to me on the floor. What? That guy's a grimy. What is that? That's a guy looking to see people's shit. Yeah.

He's looking to suck some cock. That happened to me at the gym in between the shower stalls. The guy's face was peeking through. Oh, boy. And, yeah, it's, and in a weird way, because here's the thing, you can't, you can't just start beating somebody up for that, right? No. You can't just, you can't even threaten violence for it.

It's a weird thing, and you feel very defenseless.eless and i understand it's the first time i truly was like oh i kind of get what women are talking about because i you feel like violated you can't really do much it's i've had it happen and i could beat the guy up yeah like i have had it happen where it was a guy that was not physically a threat to me and it still made me super uncomfortable and i felt really weak. I felt like vulnerable. Because you feel like you're committing a hate crime if you beat this guy up for being gay.

No, it wasn't just being gay. Well, how aggressive was he? Super aggressive, like touching me, putting his hands on my shoulders, telling me he's going to take me up to his room. And I'm like, you better get your fucking hands off me. Wow. I was like, this is getting...

Yeah, you live a different life than me. I just feel like a princess. This was a long uh just why i feel like the bell of the ball for one day it's a little attention it was um it was disconcerting but again i wasn't physically vulnerable like i could decide that i just wanted to choke this guy unconscious and i could just do that but you could choke most guys unconscious but this guy was not like there was no no guessing you know saying he was not a specimen he was a scrawny dude right he was just a an aggressive gay guy but it's like you go to prison and you know yeah exactly that's my point if the roles were reversed if it was me aggressively coming on to this guy never worked out a day in his life it would be terrifying he

would just have to take it he'd have to take it well that's what i when i was training for that uh mma fight against the comedian i trained with bisping uh twice and i grappled with bisping and bisping is not even known for his jujitsu of course he is he he's got very he's got he's a brown belt his uh guard his defensive guard is one of the best in mma very rarely do people pass his guard when he's on the ground he's excellent but primarily you know he's known as a striker primarily primarily i can't explain to you it was like i felt like a lion was just toying with me it was and it was it was a strange thing because i'd never in my life because you obviously you know an mma fighter can beat you up you know a professional mixed martial artist can beat you up but i don't think people realize how badly and how big of the gap it is because it's not it's but they don't know joe you know people have no

fucking clue until you do it and i had no idea until this is last summer and i just and he was fucking around with me for a second yeah it was terrifying and i feel like less of a man i can't look at my son in the eyes the same way that I used to be able to I don't fuck right anymore You know what it's like Oh come on You'll be alright You know what it's like It's like

Do you know how people See someone do stand up And they think I could fucking do that Everyone That's how we all started Right Because you're just talking

The guy's just talking Yeah That's what fighting is like It's like you look at a guy like Bisping And you know He's like a normal guy I mean he's obviously very athletic And he's big

And everything like that But he's He's not Shaquille o'neal he's not like some seven foot something specimen he's a regular size human so you're like well he's moving like a regular human i could do that but you have no idea it is no idea you're beyond helpless you have no idea literally yeah you have no idea you grab the hold of you you're you're a dead person. Almost anybody in the UFC, any person, the average person, even if you're training, it doesn't matter. They can take you. There's levels. And do what they want to do with you.

Yeah. There's intellectual levels. I always feel like that whenever I talk to people that are really smart, like if I have a Sean Carroll or a Neil Gross Tyson or someone on the podcast, you talk to me, you're just like, God damn, I'm fucking stupid. There's levels to this. Of know, there's levels to this. Of course. There's levels to this understanding of life.

But that's with everything, with stand-up, with artwork, with someone choking the life out of you. Yeah. This day, man, I've been doing jujitsu since 1996. If I roll with certain people, it's a matter of when I'm going to get strangled. Yeah. They don't even have to be bigger than me. Be smaller than me.

It's when am I going to tap? When's it coming? I had a friend of mine who'm going to get strangled. Yeah. They don't even have to be bigger than me. Be smaller than me. It's when am I going to tap? When's it coming? I had a friend of mine who's like a really athletic dude. It's not a friend. It's a friend of a friend. But he trains out of a, he's like a trainer out of a Gracie school in Florida. And he told me one time he got to roll with Hoyce Gracie. And I said, no, I was like, what was it like?

Was it like, was he like that much better? I think this guy has a high level black belt. Like, he's like, dude, he was like, when we talk about levels, I was like, what was it like? Was it like, was he like that much better? I think this guy has a high level black belt. Like, he's like, dude, he was like, when we talk about levels, he was like, he was toying with me like I had never done it before. And that's how, that's how good those guys are. And Hoyst doesn't, you know, at this point, when you compare it, compared to these athletic guys in MMA today, we saw with Matt Hughes, you know, you know, he couldn't compete anymore. Once people sort of knew the tricks but um yeah I mean that it's very humbling the whole experience was even crazier Hickson Hoyce's brother yeah Hoyce will tell you he's 10 times better than him yeah Hickson would do to Hoyce what Hoyce would do to other black belts well wasn't that sort of the uh

the story was they could have had Hickson, but he was too athletic and too, you know. There's a bunch of issues, and I would not want to say exactly what happened for fear of upsetting either side because I think there's two different stories. Okay. But he was essentially the champion of the family, and one of the thoughts was that it would be More impressive

If Hoist did it Because Hoist Was only 175 pounds And with his shirt off He looked like he was fit But looked like a volleyball player Or something Right

Whereas Hickson Looks like Freddie Mercury Hickson was shredded Hickson was like Really into physical training He did a lot of gymnastics And yoga He was unbelievably athletic

Yeah But he was also Like way physically stronger It would appear more That he was just athletic yeah but he was also like way physically stronger it would appear more that he was just dominating something like a cat yeah he would jump on so it wasn't as good of an advertisement for it wasn't necessarily true though because it was also talked that no one can control hickson and didn't want hickson to win because hickson is a he's like a free spirit like in the greatest sense of the word like legitimately he might throw his phone in the ocean to disappear for a month and just fucking surf and do jiu-jitsu somewhere oh he's he's a freak

in the best sense of the word that's awesome so i don't think they ever thought they could control hickson that was part of the the problem with having hickson be the champion hickson would probably freeze up the whole organization i want 10 million dollars i'll never fight again like they were offering him fights for years and he had some crazy number that he wanted and he was like if you give me that number i'll fight fedor if you give me that number i'll fight the best fighters oh yeah this is after after the ufc right yes after the ufc started but everybody still knew see when hoist was winning everyone still knew hickson was competing in something called japan valley tudor and he won that You got to see the super high-level jiu-jitsu.

Pride won, it was Hickson. And Hickson was the guy that everybody knew that if something happened and then Hoist was out of the UFC or there was no other Gracies in the UFC, Hickson is always there to step in. And we were always wondering, when is he going to step in? When is he going to fight the best guys? Never did. No, he fought Fun funaki who was a really high level guy that was his last fight and he strangled him uh put him to sleep it's a crazy image man of him rear naked choke funaki and funaki's eyes roll in the back of his head he goes unconscious and

hicks and just throws him off that's all stands up he was a savage it's awesome i love it i wish i got into when I was younger. I'm too fat and old now. My kid Zunda, he just started. That's nonsense. How old are you? I just turned 37 yesterday. Bourdain didn't start doing jujitsu until he was 58.

Yeah. Wrap your head around that shit. You're right. There's, what's his name? Al Bundy, right? He started late in life. He did. I don't think he.

He was a Hickson Gracie student, I believe. I believe he's Hoyce.'t think he he was a hicks and gracy student i believe i believe he's hoist i think he was from torrance so he was um that was uh like that's like henner and here on yeah yeah yeah you're right i could um i'm just coming up with excuses i'm being phony totally do it i mean if you trained for a martial arts fight you could train for jiu-jitsu it's a fun thing to learn too well that's where i got injured the most was doing jiu-jitsu did you fuck up your shoulders that would you say my shoulder was dislocated six weeks before the fight my hand was broken both of my ribs to this day they're just popping out like it just little cartilage tore poking out in different directions

and it hurts yeah continuously tear and then the rib will heal up like sticking out a little bit. And it was all doing, it was all rolling jujitsu with guys who were just trying to kick your ass. You shouldn't have. I know. I learned after the fact. We talked about that. We talked about that. You got to be real careful with who you train with because someone who's really good can train with you and you don't get hurt.

You know, like if I roll with John Jock Machado, like I never get hurt. You know, I never win, but I't get hurt yeah you know like if i roll with uh john jock machado like i never get hurt he you know i never win but i never get hurt you know it's uh you he's always in control like you're in and everything is like if you roll with a black belt it's actually safer yeah than rolling with like a really strong blue belt or a purple belt because they're just trying to kill you they just want those they want those tap points they want to be able to get you. Especially if you're Luis J. Gomez from Legion of Skanks. Of course. They know about you. Bragging rights, baby boy. They just want to fucking get that arm triangle and squeeze the shit out of you.

Yeah. See you tap. I had a fucking wrestler, this big dickhead wrestler. He was like, I'll show you how to wrestle a little dude. He just grabbed me. And no, no, I'm sorry. He didn't grab me. This is what a pussy I am. This is how tough this fucking guy was. Huge guy. to wrestle a little dude he just grabbed me and no no i'm sorry he didn't grab me this is this is

what a pussy i am this is what how tough this fucking guy was huge guy right and just nasty gnarled up ears of course college wrestler but a big big boy like heavy dude i tried to take he was showing me how to like pop up and take somebody down that's what i was trying to drill with him we're drilling dude and every time i would do it he would just not let me do it and just fucking flop me on my ass right and one time i tried to do it and when i went to go take him down he jerked me in the other direction and my shoulder literally just popped out all together all the way out it was crazy i was like there's no way yeah it was it was nuts um you know and everything hurt going into it and uh bisping bisping was like dude he was wrapping my hands

in the back and my hand was throbbing. It was broken. It was just throbbing. And I was just over and over again rewrapping the hand. I was like, dude, it's not right. You got to rewrap it a new way. And he's like, mate, shut the fuck up. He's like, you're not going to feel anything.

As soon as you walk out there, you're not going to feel anything. Adrenaline is going to kick in. And that's that. When you're doing wrestling drills, that's when a lot of guys get really injured. And you got to make sure you're doing them with people That understand it's a drill And understand where your level's at That's what's going on with a guy like that

He's just flexing on you He's just beating on you Because he's probably done it a million times He's done those drills probably a million times But you've done them zero times It's crazy It's crazy that he would do that and go hard with you And wrestling sucks, Dick

On so many levels I tried to join The wrestling team Because I was a pro wrestling fan When I was a kid I was like I wanna wrestle I wanna wrestle First of all I saw a singlet

I was like that's not happening My little fucking dick And flabby ass And a singlet It's like you have to have A big dick and a nice butt In order to fucking wear a singlet Sorry

There's another quote That's a meme right there You have to have a big dick And a nice butt To wear a singlet It's the truth What do you want me to say It's crazy I'm in the ninth grade I'm a big dick and a nice butt to wear singlet. It's the truth. What do you want me to say?

It's crazy. I'm in the ninth grade. I'm like, I'm waiting for my dick to grow in still, okay? I'm not doing this for another couple years. So I joined for like a day, and in my high school, we had a pool, and it was like a heated pool for the swim team. I went to a pretty nice high school, actually, and they would make us run around the pool for like four miles before wrestling practice. Before.

Before wrestling practice. I think it was three miles total, whatever it was. And it was like a sauna. So you were doing like a hot warm-up in a hot pool. And then you would start training. And, yeah, two days later I was like, fuck this, dude. And they beat your ass from wrestling. But that's what makes people so tough.

That's why wrestlers are like mentally some of the toughest people alive. Yeah. They're so used to that grind. They also take pleasure in suffering like no other sport. Like they enjoy it. Like they enjoy not being prima donnas, like all the best wrestlers. If you go back and you look at like the history of amateur wrestling, they're all known as being like hard, hard men like gable dan gable was a hard man yeah you know that motherfucker just trained his

body into the ground i think he's got two hip replacements two knee replacements doesn't mean he just destroyed his body destroyed his body he was an animal and he was just a just he just a unstoppable wrestler in his prime yeah but that was part of it. It was that, that mental strength that those guys have. And a lot of those guys don't jump into it later though. It's, it's also, as we're talking about beating your kids and turning them into pieces of shit,

there's the other side of it as well, where you have like, it's, it's in their family. It's their dad. They're doing it since they were four, since they can crawl, they can,

they're, they're practicing takedowns. And that side of it, if you're, you know, in those form and that side of it if you're you know in those formative years if that's built into you that toughness it's sort of sort of cakewalk i i didn't have any i mean i i did i did just for fun baseball and i wasn't even good at it like i could barely hit it it was a t it was t ball i could barely hit the ball i was so unathletic and my mom there was no part of her that wanted to continue to push me to do those things so if i said i didn't want to go to just for fun she was she was like all right fuck it

i'm gonna take you that was sort of you know right um which i think is you know a problem but that that i think it's really tough in this way guys you see guys like george st pierre who never did high school wrestling or uh college wrestling and then jumps into it after the fact and it's like a phenom at it. Yeah, but it makes sense. If you know who George is, it makes sense. The reason why it makes sense, there's two reasons. One, first of all, he was very athletic and he already had this leaping in ability from karate. So he had this karate blitz ability.

When you're diving in for a punch or a straight blast or something like that, that's very similar to diving in for a takedown in terms of your ability to spring forward right so george already had that with leaping into punch or leaping into kick so he already had this ability to spring then on top of that george is super intelligent and he listens he has zero ego like i've seen him be coached before i've seen him like do jujitsu with like donnaher or like really elite high level guys. And there's a lot of videos of it online. He's very coachable. He listens to everything.

He has no ego. He's not trying to do it a different way. He's trying to listen to you 100%. Guys like that, it's a shorter path to understanding the technique and to proficiency. Yeah. Because they listen. some people don't all they don't listen all the way they listen a little bit but then they want to try it their way like even when they're training and sparring you'll say listen listen for this round i just

want you to just try it this way just do this one thing and they'll try it for a couple of seconds and they'll give up and go back to the their old style yeah and you're like what happened like i didn't feel comfortable like that's the point like this is how you get better george is the opposite of that he listens really coachable i guess they say just he just understands the technique is everything it's everything yeah and if you understand if you you could learn like two or three techniques and have uh like a real high level proficiency if you just continue to drill them and understand the counters like it's not he's not like doing a lot of like crazy shit inside the octagon when it comes to wrestling yeah but not like a ben askren type style but what he is doing is a power double he's got awesome singles on both

sides he knows how to take people down he knows how to stuff takedowns yeah just those things alone that's all he needed to impose his mma game yeah george uh i mean to this day one of my favorite fighters um you know uh but yeah he was sort of he always like stood out as the guy that like um yeah i mean just didn't you know wrestled better than everybody without you know having to do that earlier on then got you know guys like ben askren who he's a fucking monster he's also hilarious dude I think Ben Askren's so funny so funny he's he's such a troll I love I love a guy who just doesn't shy away from it yeah um trolls his boss trolls you still continues to this day just makes a game out of it it's hilarious yeah he's a funny dude um what also what George St. Pierre has is uh extreme physical ability like he could do back flips he does a lot of fucking gymnastic stuff.

He has excellent command over his body. Which, technique aside... You see him doing those gymnastic training things where he's doing super crazy core strength, balance beam type shit. I mean, at that point, once... You never even saw really guys doing that no other guys in the sport are sort of looking to it's another level of cross training and getting

your body prepared for like something that it's not really prepared for exactly taking yourself out of your comfort zone that's that's um you know one of the i just i really wish i would have when i was a kid i wish i would have done more sports i wish i would have had but did you play sports when you were a kid no like a baseball player have done more sports. I wish I would have had. Did you play sports when you were a kid? No. You looked like a baseball player, Joe. I did play baseball. And then I actually quit doing everything else but martial arts because of baseball. I went to see a Red Sox game at Fenway Park. And when me and my buddy were coming home, there was like crazy crowds of people trying to get on the T,

which is the train to get home. So we just, while we were walking by this taekwondo gym i i walked upstairs i wanted to see what it was all about and as i was walking upstairs there was this guy named john lee who was a national champion at the time and one of the best black belts this guy jay kim ever produced and he was murdering this heavy bag i mean murdering it yeah he was hitting it with these spinning back kicks that was making the sound like whoop and then you hit where the chains would would snap because i mean just extend to their full length because he was kicking this bag and it was flying through the air and so i'd never seen anything and i was as close to him doing that as jamie is to me right

now because there was like a little wall and there was a heavy bag there and the way uh Mr. Kim and Mr. O'Malley Michael O'Malley who was also the the head instructor while Mr. Kim was gone they set up the bags right there because they knew that if people were coming in thinking about signing up and a guy like John Lee's kicking the bag you're like I want to do that how the fuck do you do that were you athletic at all could were you you wrestled I wrestled I did um I wrestled also while I was doing Taekwondo for one year. It was too much to do two at the same time.

But I did, I played baseball but I wasn't very good. I just like, I never, ever tried to get on base. I always tried to hit home runs.

The coach said, just hit a single, just hit a single. We really need this. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck you. I got there and swing for the bleachers. I didn't give a fuck, man. I either struck out or hit home runs. I'm trying to finger bang a chick at the pepper alley. Listen, I hit one home run once, and that was it.

I was like, oh, I can do that? I didn't know I could do that. Because as a little kid, I could swing pretty hard. And they're light bats, and the kids aren't throwing very fast. Everybody else is 13, too. But from going to that one Taekwondo gym, watching that one guy, he became like a mentor to me in a lot of ways.

And you went back to that gym specifically. That was the one. 100%. I was like, I never saw anything like that. I had done a little bit of martial arts by then. I did a little bit of karate, but not much. But I never saw anybody kick a bag. The karate school that I went to,

they didn't emphasize that, which it's a very, very important part of developing power. You have to be saw anybody kick a bag. The karate school that I went to, they didn't emphasize that, which it's a very, very important part of developing power. You have to be able to kick a bag. I don't think there was any bags in the Taekwondo school that I went to when I was a kid. You have to have that. It's a foolish mistake that a lot of gyms make. They emphasize speed and kicking pads over power.

You have to have power. Just kick a board or just break some ice. No, you've got to hit a board or just break some ice you gotta hit a bag you gotta hit a bet because the bag resists if it's a hundred pounds you got to realize that you're not just hitting this thing you're also pushing a hundred pounds with your foot you're pushing a hundred pounds of your foot so if you're standing in front of a hundred pound bag you're bam you're not just hitting it hard you're moving a 100 pounds with your hips and your legs and your abs and your core that's that's resistance training yes yeah you're actually

getting a real you're it's a plyo there's actual physical resistance in terms of weight and that's how you get stronger it's the only way it's the only way you really develop like destruction power like you know that some people can you do that though because that's the whole thing where i look because i was researching like how do you how do you hit harder? You can't hit harder. You can't hit as hard as some people do you think? Knockout power no You either have it or you don't I think you can increase someone's power and most people can knock people out most people If you taught them where to hit someone and they hit someone clean they could hurt someone especially most men who actually know how to punch a little bit

yeah but there's a big difference between that kind of punching power and say like a tommy hearns and his prime oh yeah punching power or uh you know a lennox lewis straight right hand like just you won't you don't have that man no you either have that or you don't have that and some people just i saw guys that were like fucking 15, they had that. It was crazy. You'd watch guys that, like, at a young age, they would hit a pad or hit a bag, and you'd be like, fuck, this is crazy. Like, how do you have so much power?

Yeah. And you don't know why. You don't know the strength. You know, they could be any, well, actually, we ADD'd that story, but I was saying when we did that promotion in the street of New York City where we put the headgear on the gloves, a little Mexican kid comes up. Doggy, this kid was 123 pounds soaking wet.

Little Mexican kid comes up and I'm like, I'm my size. I'm 20 at the time, maybe 21 or whatever, but I'm just like, by the way, I had never thrown a punch in my life. Now that I actually watch fighting and understand it a little bit as a fan, I didn't know how to stand i had no idea dude this mexican kid he came up he just faked a body shot and hit me with a hook and i remember it it felt like because there was no

adrenaline it was a game for me it wasn't like you know it felt like my head was shook it felt like my entire i'd never been hit so hard to this day. I've never been hit so hard in my entire life, dude. I took a knee. I literally took a knee and that's all I remember. I don't even know what happened after that. That kid just went off being awesome.

And I, and then I remember thinking, cause I was like, I want to box. I want to get into boxing. That'll be fun. And that was the moment I was like, I'm not going to box.

I'm too big. The way that kid hurt me, the way that felt, no fucking way. No way. If a 230-pound guy were to hit me like. Especially if you went to the wrong gym and they had you sparring right away, which a lot of gyms do. They'll throw guys to the wolves just to see if they're worth keeping around. They'll try you. Like right out of the street.

They'll show you a few punches, have you hit the pads a little bit, tell you to keep your hands up. Then They'll try you Like right out of the street They'll show you a few punches Have you hit the pads A little bit Tell you to keep your hands up Then they'll have you spar I've seen it happen man I'm sure Just to let you know

And sometimes You'll be sparring with a pro So they won't hurt you They'll just pop you a little bit Pop pop to the body Pop Just trying to get some work in You know

Just looking for an easy target So I do it with my girlfriend Only box Just fucking Bop bop Just touch Just touch Let her know

Let her know Hey It could be worse Boxing is The problem with it As a casual thing though Is the punches That don't even hurt you

That just rattle Your head a little Those all count All those count And those are probably Sometimes worse Yeah Because there's so many of them

You don't even notice Like if you get hit With one big shot You'll stop. Like, your head gets rattled. You get a headache. You sit down. You're like, oh, fuck.

But you'll stop. If you get hit a few times, you treat it like it's nothing. You just get popped a few times. You're in there. You get hit. 30 seconds later, you got a bloody nose. Your lip's bleeding a little now. You got something over your eye.

You don't think about it, but you got hit in the head 30 times. Yeah. Like, you never got dropped. So you're like, I'm fine. I didn't take any damage. But you did. You you don't think about it but you got hit in the head 30 times yeah you never got dropped so you're like i'm fine i didn't take any damage but you did you just don't you don't think of that as damage and now they're understanding that that is as much of what you're seeing from cte is that sub-concussive trauma probably more so because it's so frequent yeah well over and over again yeah man you know say everything man dr mark gordon said fucking jet skis he said the banging of jet skis when you're humping weight he's like that's terrible for your fucking head

like how about angus young from acdc i'd like to do an iq test on that fucking savage banging his head and i'd like to do the mri to see like how maybe is the fibers of his brain strengthened from 100 years of headbang maybe i used to go go to metal concerts and go to mosh pits. I was a big metalhead when I was a kid. And yeah, we were just fucking... Yeah, you get brain damage. Just go in there and start swinging your hands, get punched.

And you're right. You don't think about the amount of... Just headbanging. Yeah. Just banging your head over and over again. Your brain is just smacking into the front of your fucking face over and over and over again. Give me some ACDC, Jamie.

Angus would, on stage, play and headbang at the same time. Yeah. Like, try rubbing the top of your head and your stomach at the same time. You know how you do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now imagine patting your head. Now imagine trying to play guitar and headbang at the same time and then catch all the tunes.

Fuck. I was in a band when I was in high school, so I played drums. That was... I think we all wanted to be rock stars. Did you want to be a rock star when you were a kid? Nope. Nope? No music?

No. No musical talent whatsoever. Look at all these groupie chicks from the 70s hilarious look at them so why don't we hear any these two stories about like even though with the we're talking about a second ago how are we not hearing like crazy these two stories about shit with like rock bands in the 80s and 70s i think because everybody knew what they were getting into i think they knew they were getting into a lot of times now but it's just you think that at least somebody would want to come out and go like oh just so you know uh guns and roses

ran a train on me in 1987 fyi and i was really intoxicated Maybe it's a different time. Like those ladies had a different approach to things. I don't know. Look, they were there for the memory. I think the reality is most people, they sort of go like, all right, well, I am responsible for my actions. That's where most people, I don't think most people actually have a victim mentality when they look at stupid shit that they've done in their youth. I think most people go like, ah, I was a fucking idiot. idiot i shouldn't have done that there's a lot of shit i shouldn't have done there's both things right there's some people don't have a victim mentality and then there's also some people just became victims back then and they just didn't have a

way to express it like they do now yeah it. It's a different, like, it was a completely different world 20, 30 years ago. Yeah. How would you even start to get the message out that you were Me Too'd in 1981? Yeah. You're going to write a letter to a publicist? What would you do? What would you do if you got, if someone sexually assaulted you in 1981? What would you do?

I mean. Go to the cops. Yeah, you'd have to go to the cops. Try to call a newspaper maybe they would you know if the the guy was a rich guy turn his lawyers on you yeah different world it's all it's i mean i'm of the steven pinker view of uh progress that i i think that although the world is not perfect i think it's just way better than it is way better. Yeah.

It feels worse because we have the internet and you have access to your fingertips to the most vile shit. Yeah. You know, it's, it seems like people are more racist because before you used to have to write the N word on a bathroom stall. That was the only way to say,

Hey, here's the N word. Now you have YouTube, Reddit group. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever it is. And and there's a you can sort of get that instant reaction you go back the next day and there's another guy that drew an arrow to that and was like yeah but what about the jews and then it kept them going down but now you sort of have that instantly at your fingertips so it feels like oh my god the world's crumbling everyone's racist everyone's sexist but everyone's got an opinion online and once you get off there you know we all coexist we all we all work together we're all

doing shit you know yeah we certainly can yeah i mean people there's a lot of this nonsense like energy on uh on social media where people just arguing about things all day long insulting people all day long and that shit is so bad for your head to engage in that all day yeah it feels way better to not engage it feels way better every time i travel anytime if you see me on twitter talking shit back before i'm on an airplane board and i just i did it yesterday i won't even name the guy it's a blogger He didn't even watch my special. This cocksucker just took shots at me because he doesn't like me. And I was just engaging back and forth over and over again. And it's because I'm bored.

Did you feel gross though after it was over? No, because I just deleted it. I was like, all right, I'm done. I said what I had to say. But I also, I don't know i there's part of me as well like i've gotten you know you get so much shit eventually you sort of get desensitized to it so that you don't really i mean how you're you know you're fucking famous you get critics like real critics like i mean your your special has been reviewed by real people i'm sure some people didn't like it i'm sure i'm you had to have a bad fucking critic

out there but at this point you're like i don't know who gives a fuck i just think overall in general it's better to be who gives a fuck because i think there's there's criticism that's valid that you understand like you you should be able to know whether you fucked up or whether something was good or not you should be able to look at it and go oh that wasn't my best work and be honest about that um but then once you're honest about that and you do your best work, like either you like it or you don't, the idea that everyone's going to like it is crazy

because people just don't like the same things that you like. If everybody likes what you're doing, it fucking stinks. There's someone out there listening to Fleetwood Mac 24-7, okay? They never heard a fucking Tupac song. There's no Biggie in their car. They never listen to Nas. It is fucking tusk all day long, every day.

That's okay. That's okay, too, man. You know, if you're really into Fleetwood Mac and someone tries playing, you know, some Led Zeppelin and you're not into it and you get angry, okay, that's not your fault. It's just like, that's not what you're into. Yeah. If someone comes to see you and they go, oh, this guy's just not for me. But then some 25

year old guy is like i love it well he's not wrong no everybody has a different opinion he's right actually joe that guy gets it uh he gets it man he gets you if you go to you well if you go to a comedy club in general and if you vocalize that you do not enjoy the show in any way, I sort of look at you as an asshole. I don't need to do that because you can have an opinion. There's nothing wrong with having an opinion. But for you to say that your opinion is more important than the whole show is crazy. Yes.

Because that's what you're doing. You're either doing one of two things. Either your ego is so inflated you think you're going to correct this person, and you're going to stop their jokes in its tracks, and they're going to realize the error of their ways, and it's going to make them a better person, and you're going to also educate this entire crowd that's been laughing at this awful stuff. That's a foolhardy way of looking at things. It's not going to happen.

Also, if you know the way comedy works, you realize you just pissed off the comic because now he's going, fuck, dude, I'm working on this bit. Yeah, yeah. Now I have a new way of wording this tonight, and now I want to do it a certain way, and you just went and fucked that up, you asshole maybe maybe i'm gonna get there maybe i'm gonna get to a place where you actually enjoy the joke you dickhead but you ruined it now well the thing is people see every time you're on stage they see you as this is a finished product

you're presenting what they don't understand is and i'm hoping people get it more now than they ever did before but this some people still don't get it it's a year the way we work stuff out is by trying it on stage and sometimes we take chances over and over again and sometimes those chances come out terrible and it's not that we're a bad person we're trying to figure out the right combination of things and sometimes you try to do it in the moment and the best shit that everybody really likes were people who were taking risks there's very all of the greats you're talking about everyone that when people talk about their top 10 lists of comedians these are people who took some chances risk takers 100 you didn't have a cell phone to watch what they were doing in the club and the night that the joke bombed you know where you know you know whoever's talking about

you know richard pryor talking about smoking, he had nights where that joke bombed. Yeah. And nobody's laughing, and there's somebody that went, you know what, my dad's addicted to crack. That really bothers me. But it just was a different time, so nobody had the outlet to sort of express that. I think that, yeah, I mean, there,

Patrice O'Neill, who, I mean, in my opinion, greatest comedian to ever live, also a Boston guy, and he, you know, he talked about it when I think he was defending, it was either Kramer or a radio guy,

Don Imus. Don Anthony. Don Imus he was defending. Was it Don Imus, the nappy-headed hoes comment? Yeah. And he was just talking about how, you know, it's a joke.

Yeah. And jokes, whether they're good or bad, they all come from the same place. It's this idea. And I'm like, well, I want to want to i want to this is something funny and i'm going to go turn it into something that's going to hopefully make people laugh the end result is a very much a net positive room of people laughing yes right and sometimes you take that chance and it bombs and it hits people the wrong way and you're like oh i fucked up i i said it wrong i didn't do it

right but it's wrong it's not wrong isn't the right word well the problem is we're trying it out with the people you need the audience to help you create the bit yes they're in the process they don't think of themselves they should understand it more well they don't understand it and so like i mean you don't have to laugh like i know it's not funny if it comes out wrong but if you if you get mad at someone for something that's not done yet or unless but there's you know there are points in time where someone can say something that's so egregiously incorrect that at the very least you want to leave the room i get that i mean i've seen it i've seen people say things on stage it'll be hard to get me to leave a room for anything there's no there's not

many subjects if i thought it was stupid if it was insulting to my intelligence if i was frustrated listening to this idiot talk on stage i would leave the room yeah nothing wrong with leaving the room but there's a big difference between leaving the room and yelling out hey man what you're saying is not funny this is not funny i don't care what these fucking people are laughing this shit's not funny you should stop talking about like that's nonsense that's nonsense like you're not at a fucking court where someone's reading affidavits stupid this is someone trying to make funny out of life yeah it either works or it doesn't and if it doesn't that's okay i'll figure it out or i won't figure it out but either way this is just the process you yelling out something you know throwing up your flag of virtue in front of everyone it's just preposterous it's like you

don't you don't get to do that at a comedy club and it's right that they kick you out. It's just a stupid, it's a stupid way to handle it. And then when guys are like, I'm helping the show. Oh my God. That is the ultimate stupid. No, just because everyone's laughing now because I'm roasting you doesn't mean you're helping the show stupid.

Yeah. It's, uh, usually I, I, I'll just have the audience turn on that person they all just point out to the fact that that's that's the secret sauce you'll see comics do this they'll go like look i don't even care dude you're making these people you're making them mad they're wasting their money so and then the audience starts to go yeah yeah fuck this guy well some people think that they could do comedy and so that's why they do well that's you said it before it's like we make it look easy if you're a good comic you're making it look like it's off the cuff it's you're rolling with the punches just talking you're just talking up there and then some other guy who maybe is very funny

might be the funniest of his friends right which to be honest with you that's all you need to start doing comedy he should maybe go sign up for an open mic more power to him exactly but he goes oh shit this is easy he sees everyone laughing you go i remember when I was in high school, I would make everyone laugh. That was an awesome feeling. And then they take that shot. And once in a while, it works in their favor. And you look like a real asshole. Have you ever had that happen where somebody says something hilarious and you're like,

fuck dude. But you got to be laughing at it. But then the problem is it encourages more people. And then people get drunk. And then as the night goes on, there's always some dummy who's been holding on to this idea he's gonna heckle you about something he's got it in his head for like 10 minutes and finally yeah blurts it out you're like what you were holding on to that for all that time yeah it's fucking it's a hard thing dude to make it to make a group of people laugh at the exact same time yeah that are expecting the laugh that is a very specifically

it's also a weird thing i feel feel like if aliens saw us doing comedy, they'd just fucking blow up the comedy club. Like, this is crazy. This is like... I don't know what it is. It would stop us from killing all the fish first. It's the first thing they'd do. Hey, how many fish you guys gonna eat?

There's no fish left. Dude, we keep going. I joke around about this all the time because it kind of... It's one of the things That freaks me out More than anything About what people do on the planet

What? Suck fish out of the ocean Dude I've watched Countless hours Of commercial fishing nets Pulling gigantic hauls of fish Into their boats Yeah

And you're like How many How often do they do that? How many souls Are in that fucking net? There's no souls in a fish. I know. I don't think humans have souls.

Fish don't even take care of their babies, man. One or two fish do. Some of them hold their babies in their mouth. But fish, they just shit out some eggs. Mail comes over, jizzes on the eggs. It's like they have such a minimal connection because they know their time is short. Most likely they're not going to survive What's the lifespan

Of a fish If they make it That's a good question But I'm sure it varies Yeah Sharks live a long time But they're not considered fish Whales live a long time

Let's say A grouper That's a giant ass fish How old is an old grouper I want to say 30 That old That crazy You want me to look

Do you want me to start With like ocean fish Or fresh water No let's go with grouper Because grouper is want to say 30 that old you're gonna look do you want to start with like ocean fish no let's go with grouper because grouper is a gigantic ocean fish it could be three days or 30 years there's such a differentiation what the answer could be i have no idea for me i have no idea it's definitely years 30 years 30 years i nailed it oh i'm so proud of myself holy shit total guess total guess yeah that makes sense, though. Like a deer, a deer lives like, if everything goes perfect, a deer will live like 15 years.

And then they get jacked by something. Named Joe Rogan. No. Giant turtles have like almost... Oh, yeah. They're almost immortal. Yeah, they don't even know how old those fuckers are. Yeah, they could be a thousand years old, right? Isn't that the case? Really? Something crazy like that?

Yeah. Yeah, I think a giant turtle can live... We should probably Google that. I've tried to look before. I don't think... I don't know how you know. Right. They have to, like, fucking kill it to test it.

Do you know what they used to do on boats, man? They used to fill the hull, like the bottom of the boat, with turtles. They'd take the turtles and they'd flip them on their back because they'll live down there for months on their back because they don't down there for months On their back Because they don't really have to eat all the time

That's how they'd use them for food So they would have all these turtles Live turtles So they weren't rotting But they couldn't do jack shit because they were on their backs And so they would go down there and pick them up Take a turtle and bring it upstairs and cook it Have you ever had turtle soup?

Yeah, I think I have I said that right when i was saying that i'm like are you lying i think i have i think i had it once a long time ago i can't remember i didn't have i was gonna have it i was in florida one of these like frog leg type yeah yeah it's like a place that it's like the best you want to have some alligator yeah and yeah it's like alligator meat and like i tried alligator meat tried frog legs i don't eat exotic shit i've only tried alligator meat at like one of those tgi friday type joints you know one of those like chain type and it was like deep fried batter fried and it wasn't like chewy chicken like yeah like chewy chicken but apparently when they get it fresh like if they shoot an alligator and then they take

the back straps off of it and they cook it correctly, it's delicious. Apparently. Yeah. But it's one of those things that when you get it at a restaurant, unless it's a legit restaurant, they're probably serving you some frozen nonsense. Frozen alligator. Fuck that, dude. And how'd they take care of it before they froze it?

I mean, you ever see those swamp people shows where they have boats filled with fucking alligators? I don't think they're eating those, man. I think most of those, they're just taking the skins off of them. And selling it for the leather? Yeah. That's what's really valuable. Yeah, dude.

I don't know. I have no adventure in me. I watch you posting videos of you hunting and killing things and then eating it. It's like, if you just go back to your Instagram three days in a row, it's like I could watch like an animal alive to being on your plate. And it's fucking, I mean, more power to you, dude. The whole thing, I watch it in awe because I could never kill something. Even, I don't even-

You definitely could kill something. Listen to me. You could kill something. And you definitely could if you wanted to feed your son. There's no doubt in my mind. If you had a gun and there was a deer And you were hungry You don't even have to be starving

You just have to have not the best prospects I'm intermittent fasting right now It's like 11am What is this Jamie? 46 grams of protein in alligator Is that a pound? 3 ounces of alligator 46 grams of protein

All you gainers out there. Well, of course. It's a goddamn murderous dinosaur. It's got no fat on it. It's just muscle and reptile skin. They're monsters, man. Terrifying. That story about like, that's the other thing about becoming a father that people don't tell you. Everything makes you terrified.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, I'm supposed to bring my kid to Disney in July. And there was a story about the alligator who grabbed the little kid and dragged him into the, on the property of Disney. Yep. And the father just watched his kid get eaten. Dude, Florida, there's too many alligators. They can't keep track of them.

So, if you have a body of water and you're not standing there 24-7 with a fucking spotlight and a rifle, those cunts can sneak into that water. That's some real shit, man. Yeah. They'll sneak into that water. They'll cross that grass. You don't know they're thereunts can sneak into that water that's that's some real shit man yeah they'll sneak into that water they'll cross that grass you don't know they're there they climb in that water you don't know they're there and they'll be underwater for an hour two hours and they'll pop their little head up they see that little kid now god damn i'm hungry that kid's too close to the water and they'll just grab them they don't have any qualms about that they don't know what the fuck you are they don't care what you are Yeah They have a brain The size of a goddamn walnut

And they've been alive In that form For who knows how many Fucking millions of years And they just kill Eat Kill Eat

They can go without food For a year man Really 95 alligators removed From Disney property in Orlando Fuck Since Toddler killed 95

That was just like In that last year This was two years ago When this was written Dude 95 To remove up to 400 alligators through April. Like it's a project.

Like they're building a fucking bridge. Bro, we were there like a year ago. And first of all, if you haven't gone to Disneyland, Disneyland has the dopest fucking ride in the history of the world. That world. Avatar. World is in Florida. Land's here.

Right, right, right. World. Sorry. Disneyland will have the dopest ride when they have this, uh, millennium Falcon ride that opens up. Supposedly it's insane. But the, the avatar ride in Disney world in Orlando is off the charts. Yeah.

It's crazy, man. It really, it lets you know like, oh my God, the future of these fucking rides. It's like one of those like, uh, reality. Yeah. It's like the, where you see crazy shit and you're moving you put on uh this helmet and the helmet is a virtual reality goggle and it straps you into this chair and this chair is like it looks like a motorcycle yeah and then you look down and you are riding this dragon and that's it and you go for this full hd 3d environment that they keep

getting better and better at this shit i did did the Transformers. I brought my kid to Universal last year. That's a fun ride. It was. Dude, Transformers was awesome. Harry Potter ride was dope. Yeah. Love the Harry Potter ride. Jurassic Park, you're like, what in the fuck is that stupid fake dinosaur?

It was the last year. I think they got rid of it. It's the last one. But it was. They spent more money on the ride than they did making the movie for Jurassic Park. And it wasn't that good of a ride. Really? Yeah.

I ride that recently. Come on. Like $100, $150 million. No, that ride is whack. Impossible. That's impossible. movie for jurassic park and it wasn't that good of a really yeah i read that recently come on impossible that's impossible that fact it literally impossible but that ride is so old you gotta use chucky cheese technology yeah in that ride it's a fucking animatronic they could reskin it and it would be a giant rat playing drums i know it's not even remotely scary it's like what well the drop is scary. That's the thing at the end of it. They do a drop at the end.

My son was five, so he was terrified. The Jurassic Park River Adventure, $110 million. Oh, my God. It remains the most expensive amusement park ride of all time and actually costs twice as much

as Jurassic Park the movie. I would have guessed more than $55 million. Whoever made that right now has a bottle of champagne in one hand, a Coke tray in the other, and they're living in the Bahamas and some shit, just laughing about how they got

$110 million to make this shitty ass ride. Yeah. And they're just living like a baller. Yeah, it is. It's a different, I mean- Like Jay-Z and Big Pimp and do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. $110 million. That ride is worth $35.

If that was at a county fair, I'd be like, all right. Yes. That would be the best ride at a county fair. Big ride. It's a big ride. You should see it. The dinosaur comes out. It looks pretty good.

Yeah. You never think that's a fucking dinosaur. I got caught smoking weed at Universal Studios. I had my girl bring my kid away and i was outside of the jurassic park i didn't get caught by like the police but i was outside of the jurassic park ride and i was like all right you know bring him to go get a soda or whatever i'm gonna sit here and smoke my vape pen and uh there's like one of the handlers they have a thing where they have a velociraptor it's like a person in a costume but it's like an animatronic costume and they're pretending to be

like a velociraptor and the uh the trainer's like trying to calm them down it's a whole display with the kids and everyone's really excited so i'm just like kind of watching it like getting stoned zoning out and at one point the girl's got like one of those you know uh microphone face pieces on she just goes she goes sir not here and that was it and i went oh and then i just sir not Faded off into the distance. I know. I wonder if they're cooler about it now. No, this is a year ago. Oh.

This is not that long ago. Wow. I was very surprised. I was like, this is California. Well, not only that, what if it was a vape pen with tobacco? Or CBD or. Are you allowed to do that? Probably not.

I think there's smoking areas that are designated. But she knew what it was. She saw my face. Yeah, she saw it. My mouth was agape watching real velociraptors walk around i was losing my mind it was awesome dude like get out of here stoner yeah i was listening to the radio in utah and they were talking about how they have to uh re uh they have to figure out what to do with their drug sniffing dogs now because there's no reason there must be some is there a change in utah is utah to do with their drug sniffing dogs now. Because there's no reason for them. Because there must be some, is there a change in Utah? Is Utah changing their drug policy?

Because it was funny listening to this old dude on, just for the fuck of it, I was listening to AM radio, talk radio. And this old dude was talking about how they're going to decommission some of these drug sniffing dogs because they'd use them on traffic stops. There we go. Medical marijuana in Utah could mean retirement for generation of drug canines. Just fucking putting these dogs down. Well, they also were worried about the police officers themselves losing jobs. When you hear about pot that's making its way into a place like Utah, first of all, all you realize goddamn pot is really you can't stop it's here the genie's out of the bottle it's here the revenue's in grandma feels better you know

the alzheimer's the people that have all these serious issues that cbd is fixing arthritis patients people with like real problems that are not finding any other solution that works the way cannabis does they're just giving in and then they're making all this money but then you see these old folks that are from a different time and they're talking about it and they they look at it in terms of like how many police jobs are going to go away right how many dogs are going to be well none of them smoke weed so they're like it's not really my problem and interesting to watch them look at it as an economic issue the problem is you have potheads that are leading the charge. So for a long time, it was difficult to take them serious. Yeah, still is.

You needed straight-laced guys to come in. And there's a lot of money there. There's so much money in it that you're getting that. But when you have fucking hippies playing hacky sack and wearing puka shell necklaces, it's sort of hard to take them seriously. When the reality is they kind of want it to be legalized for recreational purposes.

And, you know, yeah yeah i don't like for i don't i don't use we that doesn't try i do i do take cbd i literally during that fight i was using topical cbd the whole time um so i guess you take oral too i do i take cbd excellent daily but i don't know infinite cbd sponsors our podcast and the festivals while they're also i'll get you a bunch of products because they're a really great company that supports comedy they they sponsored my tour when i was preparing for my special they're fucking dope but um i take it daily i take the the oil um just because you know apparently all of the the benefits that it has with getting your body back into homeostasis and making you feel better and getting back in line. I don't know the fucking effects. I smoke weed every day as well. So I'm sure I'm getting CBD effects as well. But in my mind, I'm going,

well, I have a bunch of this stuff. I know that since I started taking it, I weirdly feel better, but I can't really connect. You said before you take CBD and you go into another realm. Well, I was taking one and one. it's like one gram of cbd to one gram of thc like that's uh it's one part well so whatever milligrams you have it's both like it's 10 milligrams cbd it's 10 milligrams of weed as well it's potent yeah i take regular cbd too though i take oil i feel like it's uh it's very beneficial and much more potent in terms of its anti-inflammatory benefits than just smoking it. Smoking it does something for you.

It definitely reduces inflammation, makes you feel better. It's good for sore joints. I was taking the topical I was using. Topical is good too. Yeah. But I think the real combination is topical plus the oil. You don't have to take it. But a lot of people find that they have better pain relief from one plus one, like one part THC, one part.

So it's like edible, like marijuana mixed with CBD. A lot of people find great benefit in that for some reason. Yeah, I had to trick my aunt because my aunt's so anti-drugs. And if I told her that CBD was derived from hemp, she wouldn't take it. She has bad arthritis, and I gave it to her for that, and she loves it. And then I told her after the fact, but it's grabbing due to...

It's just a plant, folks. And if you just get straight CBD, it has no psychoactive properties. It's not going to... The only thing it's going to do is, for some folks, and it works a little bit that way with me, it alleviates some anxiety.

It just relaxes you. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I smoke weed too yeah i smell and i've been arrested probably 10 times in my life and every time was for smoking a joint in the street every single time when they arrest you they take you in yeah new york doggy in a fucking cell it's crazy still they're still doing the last time i was put into a cell for smoking weed was a year and a half ago me and dave smith two years ago maybe me and dave tell

them you were lewis j gomez i told him lewis gomez that's when i started using the middle initials like you know what it's probably i learned a lesson how many fucking lewis gomez is much to have rap sheets doggie when i go to the airport every time i come back into the country i am pulled into a room and they fucking they look like they're about to fist fuck me with a rubber glove every time have you been to panama anytime recently sir yeah that's it come right this way every single time anytime in bolivia sir but yeah dude when in new york city the way it works is you it's dude it sucks oh it's happened so many times it's the worst because it's just a major inconvenience yeah pain in the ass to get into canada i can do it now because they changed the laws but i didn't go to canada for like three years because of weed for being arrested for

a joint we're not talking about like i have an ounce that i just bought from my dealer and they found a large amount on me a joint smoking on the street what they do is they they at first they they take the weed and they go all right we're just gonna give you a ticket just hang tight relax we're gonna put cuffs on you this is just to keep you calm and just to fucking get you in the paddy wagon this is all a process then they put you in a paddy wagon they used to have sweet nights in new york where all it was was they would go and try to find kids smoking weed drunk kids college, college kids pissing in public, public intoxication, and the entire night they would just pick up everybody

and fill up paddy wagons and create criminals. Just create criminals out of teenagers, and they were targeting, this is why the stop and frisk laws happened in New York, they changed it because they were just targeting black and Hispanic kids. Because they'd be like, oh, come here, let me see what's in your pockets.

Vastly disproportionate numbers of them being stopped and frisked versus white kids of course and everybody's got weed in their pocket in new york city okay it's just so stupid that it's still illegal there like how the fuck is that clinging on in one of the biggest cities in the world how the fuck is that still almost like the same thing with the ufc it wasn't legal there it was the last date right i believe it was the last date or maybe second to last and it's because corruption yeah the amount of red tape involved the amount of people that have to be paid off to make any laws happen in any type of fast way kept the ufc out wound up

going to jail one of the guys that was actively campaigning to keep the ufc out he went to jail for corruption which guy was this i don't remember fuck him yeah that was the whole we dealt with that for a long time i don't even care i'm i it's i knew what it was man you know i used to live in new york i know what it is there's a lot of that shit still around it's too big of a city too much too many rats in the holes you know you know any rats are in the streets of new york city just all throughout the bottom of the subway and running around the sewer system there's rats yeah they just like they've become a part of the ecosystem well there's human rats too there's like creepy corrupt motherfuckers

that have been manipulating shit and getting people to pay them off for protection and all sorts of sneaky fucking city-related shit that takes forever to clean out. It's just to get it out of the streets of New York, it would take forever. They did a good job. I mean, they cleaned up Times Square. They eliminated a lot of the mob. But there's still little mob killings, right?

That guy just got whacked. Yeah, some dude just got killed. Just got whacked. That happened, and I was like, what? lot of the mob But they're still doing mob killings right That guy just got whacked That just got Yeah some dude just got killed Just got whacked That happened and I was like what There's the mob The mob's still alive Still alive

They're out there Still whacking people No way I know I thought it was done I thought it was done I literally thought it ended in like the 80s The Italian mob

I had no idea I thought so too I thought they were all like Fucking reality stars now Yeah right I know like mob mob bosses, wives. Yeah. Those fucking shows.

Growing up gaudy. That was one of them. Whatever one where this lady was, I remember watching one where this girl was drinking and she got mouthy with this guy. And then the guy told her to go fuck herself. She's like, oh yeah. And then she calls her ex-husband up who said mobster. The ex-husband comes over and talks to the guy.

I'm like, can you imagine you're some poor guy at a bar and some crazy lady starts yelling shit at you. You go, fuck you, cunt. And she calls this guy who comes over and you look in his eyes,

you know he's killed about 18 fucking people. You're like, oh, Jesus. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing

is like, you know, when you go after a chick, you gotta be ready to fight. You gotta, if you're just calling some chick a fat cunt yeah that just just be ready just whatever's gonna happen and i feel bad because the guy that she's with now he's like fuck fuck now i gotta fight for this fat cunt i've seen it

happen man oh yeah i had we were at a ufc event in philly years ago forrest griffin anderson silva okay and uh there was a guy, I was with a chick who was sort of dating. She was a little chubbier and we were, me and my buddies were there and these fucking Philly dickheads

were just ready for a fight. Dude, back then, dude, Jersey, Philly, there was always like seven,

eight fights in the crowd. It was like, it was crazy and these guys were just ready for a fight. And I remember she was like there and they were like right in front of us but she was sort of in between us.

And the guy just said, he was like, yeah, fuck you and fuck your fat cunt girlfriend. And literally in that moment, I'm like, well, now I have to fight this guy because he,

I don't even like this girl really. So now it's like a, but it's a, it's a weird thing. So I just pretended I didn't hear him. I was like, well, that was it. We just kind of like scuffled. And I was like, that was that. And she was like, did you hear what he hear him I was like what how'd that go that was it

we just kind of like scuffled and I was like that was that and she was like did you hear what he said I was like no what are you talking about you have to fight

for my honor yeah yeah I have dated girls like that eating chips while you're getting your head stomped

she's like I'm gonna get a hot dog I've had girls that I've dated that would want you to fight for them not want they would just

ladies if any ladies listen to this show all three or four ladies that are listening to this show right now if just don't get your man into a fight let him decide don't start talking shit to another dude you're putting him in a situation that maybe he doesn't want to be in and you're never going to know whether or not he

wants to be in that situation you're never going to get the honest story what's going on in his fucking mind right there just know we never want you to start talking shit to a dude in the middle of an altercation because it's never going to end good no most of the time most of the time does not end good especially if blows start flying man people getting knocked out some guy got hurt really bad at a dodgers game recently he got knocked out and cracked his head off the ground that's what people need to understand people die from that shit you watch movies and people knock people out and the person's fine you know you could get a goddamn murder rap if you punch someone and they fall and most people when you punch them in the face they

go unconscious they have no idea what happened they go unconscious their head bounces off the ground they die it happens all the time kevin james uh when he was a kid uh when he was a bouncer in long island and one of the guys at the bar i don't think he was working that night but one of the guys he knew and worked with knocked a guy out the guy fell hit his head off a curb dead guy went up to go to jail for years spent years in jail at some fucking ten dollar an hour job where you're fighting drunks yeah just getting into some dumb fight which is thinking it's okay to just tee off on someone's face. It's also probably pretty rare.

People falling and hitting their head and dying, that's not rare at all. That's really common. Think about what that is. You've got to understand, I've seen a lot of people get knocked out, so I'm the wrong guy to ask. But I'm saying dying from hitting their head on a curb.

I haven't seen them die, but they could easily. Yeah. I mean, I guarantee you, in a major city like New York, I bet somebody dies falling and hitting their head off the curb every week when you punch someone and they fall think about how far that is right think about the amount of force that's involved now think about if you were standing there and someone hit you in the back of the head with something now think about

that something was the fucking world the earth it doesn't give it all concrete doesn't give it all the only thing that gives is your head because your head has to bounce and your skull fractures and you get internal bleeding your brain hemorrhages it cuts off your ability to move you might have a stroke you might have an i mean it's horrible getting knocked out and falling and hitting your head off the ground is a terrifying thing and when you hear the sound of smack of someone's head bouncing off the concrete it's it's it sounds hollow it sounds like a like a like a melon it sounds terrible like a hard melon or something like that yeah i uh yeah you see it happen um where people pass out there's like videos that are out there it's like fall over

and then they just split their head open and it's like the worst dude gruesome falling backwards though is something especially when you get hit you get fucking clipped on the chin your head snaps and your lights shut off

and you just fall and bounce it's even in boxing matches man some of the scariest knockouts when a guy gets KO'd

and then his head bounces off the ground yeah in MMA in the UFC same thing when guys fall back and their head

bounces off the ground it's like a double knockout that's why i watched that fight science thing back in the day they were doing on spike tv um it was like a show called i think it was called fight science and they were just explaining why ground and pound was so much more brutal than a straight up standing punch and they were just go they like you know they showed the 3d animation of the head and the fist coming down and then the head bouncing off the mat and then the brain bouncing off the front and bouncing to the back. Then the fist comes back up again and your brain is just being over and over again. And you can't go anywhere.

You're stuck. It's terrifying. I got beat up in the sixth grade by an African kid named Babatunde. Look at this. Every day, 153 people in the United States die from injuries that include traumatic brain injury. Wait a minute. Okay. that include traumatic brain injury. Wait a minute. Okay. That include traumatic brain injury?

So it's an injury that also has traumatic brain injury? Yeah, this is a head injury. I see what they're saying. Those who survive a TBI can face effects that last a few days or the rest of their lives. That's the other thing. Impaired thinking or memory, movement sensation, vision, emotional functioning, personality changes or depression. These issues not only affect individuals, but can have lasting effects on families and community well that's yeah um yeah man don't don't get hit in the head don't do it avoid it yeah take it for

somebody that's been hit in the head avoid it yeah yeah i uh whenever with my son because there's just like a lot of there's a weird thing in new york as well where there's like a lot of tough guys that it's like this alpha energy where you get on the subway and there's another dude who like makes eye contact with you and you're like weirdly like you're in a weird beef now because you're just looking at a dude in the eyes yeah and it's and that and then it becomes a thing where you have to like look away right then you're in you have this internal struggle where you're going like well no i don't i'm not going to look away because this guy's looking at me right and then and then I look at my kids right there, and I'm going like, what is even going on in my head right now? I need to just go to another subway car.

Just avoid at all costs having to get into a confrontation in front of him because that's one of my biggest fears in the world is not knowing what to do. There's people that live in Montana that are listening to this right now. They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? You look each other in the eye, and someone wants to fight for no reason this is the nature of being penned up yeah that many people all fucking there's something cool about it the cool thing we talked about before that people are like you're exposed even if you're a poor kid you're exposed to rich people they're there they're normal like it doesn't seem unattainable or unreachable they're all around you that path

is there well there are humans that are they're just like you you're around them but if you live in a place where you're never around them you never get that so there's benefits to new york for sure culturally there's benefits the just the just the energy the city and so much creativity so much going on yeah it's even beyond just the money thing it is the creativity portion we're like literally everybody everybody that's in new york is trying to do something yes they're all they're all trying to make something happen yes whether they're you know if they're trying to become a banker they're trying to become the number one fucking banker in the country they're trying to become the best at that um and that that energy of success it's really that's it's really good and that's why I'm happy.

On one level, I'm happy I'm raising my kid in the city because of that, and on the other level, it's like I want my kid to build a fucking treehouse. He's never built a treehouse. He can't go out of the house without somebody being right there. Maybe you could show him some shit on the weekends, take him places on the weekends

where he could be around the woods so he could get the best of both worlds. There's definitely a benefit to being in a city where you're a kid or an worlds. There's definitely a benefit to being in a city where you're a kid or an adult. There's definitely a benefit. The negative part is this depreciation of value of life. There's so many people. You don't think of them as being as important.

They're a hindrance as much as they are like a nice thing to see. Yeah. Well, there's so many homeless people too. a nice thing to see yeah well there's so many homeless people too and there's a homeless woman who basically stands on my corner and just begs for change every day um and my son was with me the other day and this woman she's like hey do you have any money for a sandwich and uh i was like no sorry i don't today and i keep on walking and then i looked down at my son he's like ted that's really sad she doesn't have money for a sandwich. And I'm like, she has every fucking day, James. Every day she has.

Okay, I can't. And I had to explain to him. I was like, well, you know, look, I can't give her money every single day. And I was like, you know what? I do have a dollar, though. I was like, why don't we go back and give her a dollar? And he was like, no, I get it now. I swear to God, he stopped me from giving her the dollar. Well, if the world was just one, if there was only one person like that, that was the only issue.

Just one lady just needs some help. You'd be, oh, we'll just help her. Yeah. But when there's a million of them, you're like, well, I can't help her. I just can't do this. I got to keep going. I got to concentrate on my own shit. Yeah.

And that's like, that's a microcosm Of what happens in a city Yeah If that lady was in a small town She would be the The crazy beggar lady People would probably like Figure out a way to help her out They'd do her cans

Or They'd do something Yeah Some people The problem is It's just like Humans Some humans

When you give them that As an option Just begging Like there's guys who do it And there was a whole San Francisco When I lived in San Francisco There was a news report thing About this guy Who was doing it for a living he was making a

lot of money a lot of money man he's just begging and he was essentially saying there's nothing wrong with it it's totally legal and uh i just make up stories and have people uh donate money to me and i think of it as like an occupation so he it was weird listening to him talk about it because he was telling this lady who was the reporter lady he was telling her how she could do it too and you know how he was doing it and how he shows people how to do it but he was making like a decent living a couple hundred bucks a day yeah i'm sure i don't remember because i was a kid but i remember listening like oh this motherfucker he's just faking it i don't in a weird way i i appreciate the hustle i don't look

i watched my mom on welfare i remember as a kid watching my mom collect a welfare check and sit in the room smoke cigarettes and not work and i remember as a little kid being like that's not right i was like what are you doing just work do something else we could be in a better situation just from way too young having that thought right um but in a weird way i i appreciate the guy's hustle he's figured out a way to thrive sort of it's not nothing to be proud of you know he shouldn't be bragging about it but at the same time like it's just a different system it's a different game we if you disconnect from sort of like you know whatever we're you know he's a con artist there's not never a good thing having someone who's lying to everybody all the time.

I appreciate a good con artist. I really do. They're boring. Yeah? Yeah, it's boring. It's boring. Just figure it out, stupid. Stop lying to people.

Aren't they figuring out something different, though? No, they're just finding lemmings. That's all they're doing. They're finding lemmings. They're finding people that don't know any better. People that are, what's three-card money? Come on, I'll show you. Well, that's sort of what the homeless lady is doing.

Now, look, I've been in New York City since 2001. I'm so desensitized to homeless people that there's no part of me that feels bad. I just will walk on. Sorry, I can't keep on going. But what happens is you get, they're looking for the person who moved there a week ago. They're looking for the tourist. They're looking for the person who- They're looking for nice people.

And they're there. So it's sort of like that's but that's not the same thing like that lady might just be crazy she's not a con artist con artists are people lying and pretending that listen my car broke down um my wife and kid haven't had anything to eat in 24 hours and i'm really in a bad situation i would never do this but i just ask you if you could just give me five dollars and the guy says yeah man sure i'm sorry here's five dollars next person hey man um i need to go uh take this flight to see my mom she's dying of cancer it'll change usually they have the same story sold and they'll change all the time well i had a guy do that to me in new york when i first moved there and i was this guy

he was wearing a suit young white guy wearing a suit he was like dude i missed my bus back home i was here for a job interview um you know i'm just trying to get money for a bus ticket back home. And I was like, oh, here's a couple of bucks, whatever. And then the next day in union square, same fucking kids, same suit, same story because they learn it like a sales pitch. So they know the beats of, they know exactly what to say. You see it when on the subway, when they get on the subway, they have an actual script, you know? So it's like, you know, I don't mean to beg, you know, uh, but my wife is blah, blah, is blah blah blah and you see them every day going down the cart and it if you ever done a sales job a good sales script is pretty good you're just sort of fishing you're playing the numbers you're

you're instead of sort of adding emotion to it and changing the story and doing all these different things and putting too much thought into it you go i'm just gonna run the script and close one out of 20 people that walk by. Stupid. Yeah, no, it's not. The only benefit is that you grow up around people that are full of shit and you learn how to spot people that are full of shit. It's the only benefit. Other than that, it's just annoying. I agree with you, but I also can appreciate it.

I can appreciate a good hustler. I appreciate- Good hustler goes out and gets a fucking job. You don't just lie to people everywhere with some stupid story about how you missed your bus get your shit together pussy stop mooching money from people that's gross well what about it's gross what about a guy who sells his cd on the street that's a little bit different because he's offering something he has his art no we got a cd player you do not a cd player i do we got a laptop i got a refurbished laptop we had this guy

in columbus you're sort of reminding me i completely forgot about him he was known as You do, man. I always got a CD player. I do. I got a laptop. I got a refurbished laptop. We had this guy in Columbus. You're sort of reminding me. I completely forgot about him. He was known as the rapping bum or help is on the way. For like 15, 20 years at Ohio State, this guy would be on the high street, which is like the main strip, and he had all these rhymes he would constantly go to. It always ended with help is on the way, but I don't remember a lot of them. He always said help Is On The Way?

It was like his punchline, like Help Is On The Way. He had t-shirts made about him. Someone actually recorded him at one point in 2005 or 2006. You remember when they found that homeless dude that had that crazy radio voice? Yeah, that was in Columbus too. Was it? Yeah. Oh yeah, he got a job, right? I think somebody gave him a job.

He went right back to the pipe. He fucked it up. Yeah, he fucked it up. Well, you can't fix people fix people man you can't fix them like that voice was fire though it's very good voice he had a great voice radio voice he got a lot of gigs smooth yeah and he just wound up going right back to being a homeless person right well did that i mean it's not uh this is gonna sound very insensitive but most of the time it's not bad luck. Right. You know, it's sort of the decisions you make. And I'm not saying that you can't have a bad situation and you can't, you know, there is bad luck in the sense that some people are born into,

you know, affluent households and some people are born into poverty, but this is him. Yeah, this is him. Let's hear it. Nothing but the best of oldies. You're listening to magic.

98.9. Thank you so much. God bless you. Thank you. He was a radio guy and fell on hard times. Yeah, and then he fell on hard. And don't forget, tomorrow morning is your chance to win a pair of tickets to see this man live in concert. I have a theory.

I think doing that for a living makes you fucking crazy. That's what I think. I think if you have that fake voice, eventually you just snap. You know, I can't do this anymore. I can't talk like this. I can't have that fake voice eventually you just snap you know i i can't do this anymore i can't talk like this i can't have this fake voice yeah just blow a fuse and that guy blew a fuse imagine going into voiceover auditions have you done that a lot in your career no i voiced over a couple things but not nothing serious it's such a weird like other hustle like you're like that's a whole world in comedy where like guys are every day going out

and doing voiceover auditions and trying to be a voice in some commercial. It's so disconnected from creativity. I remember when I first started comedy, I started reading these books on things you could do. Because this was before podcasting was even a thing. It was like you could do stand-up. You could try to get corporate gigs. You could try to write jingles for commercials or write Hallmark cards. That was one of the things. One of these books.

It was this chick who wrote all these books. Oh, I know. Judy Brown. Is that what it is? You're so close. It's not Judy Brown, but you're close. Something like that. Fuck.

Yeah. So she wrote books on how to do standup. And it was workbooks. It was like, what the hell was her name? She's the one who did it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

She had a bunch of them, But there was like No real evidence Of her being good at comedy No none of them Are good at comedy Judy Something How do you Fuck

There was a Here's the deal For people listening Who don't know What the fuck We're talking about There was literally No books

On how to do stand up There was no books There was a couple books Written by comics And they were almost Always tongue in cheek Like Belzer Richard Belzer

Wrote a book on how to do stand up and just gave you some like joke advice for the most part Judy Carter Judy Carter Carter

yep so she wrote these books on how to do stand up and everybody bought those books everybody that wanted to try to do stand up bought those books yeah

everyone you see them in comedy green rooms still a lot just like on a shelf somewhere yeah and they would give you like exercises.

So she'd be like, go get a newspaper and write 10 premises out of the newspaper today. You know, it's not, look, the reality is if you're not a funny person and you're still trying to pursue

a path in standup, that's not. I think so. Yeah. Get out of here with that shit. Shut that off. You won't give her the time of day. I don't know.

Fuck you, Judy Corder. Maybe she's funny. Fuck you, Judy Corder. Maybe she's funny. I'm just joking. Impossible. People are so goddamn sensitive these days. Yeah. You'll find that it's like what we do, honestly, on a podcast, just in the realm of talking shit.

This is one of the last bastions of actual shit talking. Yeah. When we smoked weed, you sit back and chill. Half the Fight Companion podcast that we do we want to being completely blitzkrieg hammered by the time it's over hell yeah you're talking shit live and there's not in real time and motherfuckers if i put a microphone in front of you for 10 hours a week you're gonna say something stupid you're gonna say a lot more stupid shit than i say yeah way more stupid shit okay for sure i'm doing pretty good point it's like what patrice said is

so pertinent it's so important that it all comes from the same place whether it hits or misses like when you're just trying to be funny you're just trying to be funny like that's all you're trying to do you're not trying to hurt anybody and sometimes to be funny the funniest thing to say is the most fucked up thing or the thing that's making well i say this about trolls all the time because you know people say mean shit about me on the internet and i'm and i i go well no it's not about me that's the funniest thing to say in that moment and they're trying to be they're comedy fans they're trying to be funny so and i when you step back and don't take it so personally you kind of go like oh i get why that's funny it also fits in with what you do yeah and that's what you do so

it's a it fits in they're jumping in we bust balls then that's the other thing you don't realize you're called legion of skanks yeah i mean what the fuck is anybody expecting from that name well that's why we don't get in trouble i think yes we call it the most offensive podcast on earth yeah and we say i mean the craziest shit you could possibly say on a podcast it's nuts it's actually you're never gonna get a network gig no we did we got a pilot deal with TruTV last year. That's a mistake by their part. Yeah. I'm glad they canceled that.

They put the kibosh on that bad boy. Don't you worry. That never made it to even filming day. You don't need it. No, we don't. We don't. You don't need it. With the internet today, man, you don't need anything.

No, but you're right. We're never going to get a TV deal. I tell my agent- You don't want it. You don't want it, man. I literally told my agent, stop sending me on acting gigs for ABC. I was like, what do you think is going to happen? Yeah. What do you think is going to get a TV deal. You don't want it. You don't want it, man. I literally told my agent, stop sending me on acting gigs for ABC. I was like, what do you think is going to happen? Yeah.

What do you think is going to happen? I'm going to get a gig, and I'm going to get fired from it. Yeah. And then it's going to put me in a... Once you sort of open that can of worms, you're sort of labeled a problem. I'd rather work with people that want to work with me and sort of get what I do. Well, not only that, do you really have aspirations to be an actor? No, I hate it.

It's one of those stupid things they rope you into Or is it one of those Stupid things they rope you into It's one of those stupid things They rope you into Just wasting time Yeah They rope you into it Because Like Mitch Hedberg

Had a whole joke about it About that comedy Is one of the weird things That if you like Do comedy They expect you to also act Yeah You know

He had a I forget the bit And it's another Completely different Different thing Such a different thing I mean even on the Like the

The cellular level Like how to start off Acting is such a different thing i mean even on the like the like the the cellular level like how to start off acting is such a you go to technique classes and there's it's a real art i really appreciate people who are good actors it is a majorly different thing um but for some reason they group them together like actor and comedian when it's as different as hockey player and comedian yeah it is well not really because if you can act you could be a comic if you can do comedy i think you can act i think it's possible maybe it's possible more likely if you do comedy you can act this might be uh my own bias more likely do you want some weed you don't have to roll it like a peasant no i'll roll some weed i feel like i'll bring i'll

bring some weed dude we get sponsored speed weed that's dropping here it's already rolled up i love gino he's a fucking man he's the best that war chest in the back that's all weed dude we can get high for a year baby boy i love it that's what i'm talking about i didn't realize you smoke blunts too which is fucking dope where's the one that we just had is it this one this one just go out yeah no was it different is that it yeah get one that's as fresh as possible that might be it that last one might be it no this is not that thing's falling off oh one second ago you're like dude we got weed for days here fucking going through roaches to uh what's his face um uh

action bronson oh yeah action bronson came in here and by the time the ashtray was done i had to take a picture of it like this is ridiculous this is all his weed he smoked like seven joints i mean blunts just kept going big ones sticks bats yeah yeah i'm a i'm a pothead i'm a morning dude smoker i was saying i wrote i wrote last night at uh like one o'clock in the morning i took an edible gave the missus the business and then then afterwards, I couldn't lay down. I was laying down. It was like midnight. All these ideas were rolling through my head.

I'm like, I know the right thing to do. I got to get up and write. And sometimes you write and just bullshit comes out. And there's nothing there. And sometimes you write and you just hit a vein, man. Whether it's creativity, vulnerability, life vulnerability life experiences thoughts recent things in the news everything just comes together boom and then you have these ideas and then those ideas could eventually be bits that's like those moments when you get an idea and when you get the inspiration

to write man as a comic it's one of the most important things to capture you got to dive on those yeah you'll you might have your next closing bit in that moment it's such a hard that's where the difference between pros who are legitimately um who really care about the craft and guys like me who i don't fucking i need to do it more i mean i i this the first time doing this special was the first time that i ever had to there was a purpose to doing santa but it was a fucking hobby before there was nothing I wasn't working on anything I was running a race for no reason there was nothing there was no was doing bits you're just working on it forever like nobody's asking for this I'm not I'm not doing late night sets or putting out an album and all of those little habits that they're great you ever you put you Goleman, who's a brilliant comic. Yes. I've known Gary forever. I'm sure he had Boston. Good dude, too. Unbelievable guy. I didn't know him from Boston.

I met him out here. I think I met him at the Laugh Factory. He's a fucking man. But on his Twitter, he does a writing tip every day. Oh, beautiful. And he's got these really cool writing tips for young comics. If you're a young comic, you should go follow Gary Goleman, because he's great. But he has these just great little tips where it's like, when you're writing down your jokes,

leave a space between each line, so then you can go in and fill in different words later and it gets very specific like that um and i think putting in those little habits and just making it a genuine rule where you say every morning i'm going to get up and i'm going to write for one hour and i'm going to commit to that whether i feel motivated or not um you will eventually reap a lot of benefits and i think think a lot, when I started doing comedy, it was like, it wasn't, these are the tips. Just some of the last, most recent ones he did. He spelled Britain wrong.

But I fuck up spelling all the time. It's okay to bomb, taking risks is essential. Oh, it's good for him. There's also, I think there's a Twitter called Advice for Writers. That's interesting. Here's the number one thing though. Here's number one.

Write. Just do it. Just get out there and make it happen just start moving you gotta force yourself to sit in front of a notepad or whatever it is for x amount of time a day have a fucking timer set it make sure you do it and then if that timer goes off you're still working keep going if you can if you feel it keep going but make yourself do it if you just make yourself do it that's more important than anything else all that other stuff the other stuff is good it's all good to have structure and understanding but the number one thing people have a problem with is doing it it's like talking about exercise but not exercising you know i'm saying well it's like i think the other thing is with social media you have the the tendency to say oh i'm gonna just tweet this and then you don't really work the joke the same way you would

if you were sitting down and trying to work a joke because you're trying to fit it into a certain amount of characters. You're trying to make it funny in a certain way when you're not going to get the maximum. And that's where I think

a problem where I have, where I'm like, oh, dude, I'll just go and tweet this or I'll put it on Instagram or whatever it is. But yeah, I think that's another, I think I'm sort of turning a corner now where I'm starting to look at that process more.

That's fun, too, man. Tweet jokes are great. Nothing wrong with it. A lot of people have become famous for having a really good Twitter account when they say funny shit. Nothing wrong with that. But you've got to write for yourself, man. Like, writing for yourself is everything. It's everything.

It's the one thing that we tend to fuck off on. It's the one thing that I like to Fuck off on You know It's the one thing That I like to reinforce it Do you still listen To back to sets and everything I listen to them in my car I have them I listen to them on the way

If I'm working on Some new shit Try to say Oh yeah Don't forget that part Oh Make sure you Pause there

Make sure you Maybe if you emphasize this First I think you're thinking Of punches right there too Yeah yeah But it's like Doing an extra set It's like say If you do three sets a night but you record three sets a night and you

listen to two sets a night now you did five sets a night yeah it is like it because you're in that mindset maybe even more beneficial like not beneficial in terms of like you know that groove that you get in when you just loose on stage and everything's flowing like the only way to get there i think or the only way i know how to get there i should say is i have to do a lot of stand-up if i don't do a lot of stand-up there's always this weird feeling of awkwardness that you have to overcome in the beginning yeah when you do a lot of stand-up right away you can be loose and that is essential for getting the material across the best way but you probably can get a lot of work done on top of that if you listen more a lot of guys

don't like to listen it sounds gross listen to yourself like shut up stupid your voice you're so annoying and fake we're watching back the special editing it myself i was with an editor obviously but you start to hate it and the more time you have with it you're taking more things out and you're noticing more things wrong. And you'll eventually whittle it down to nothing. And I think, look, I think that's probably a good sign. You know, my taste is better than I am as a comedian,

like substantially. Like I have impeccable taste in comedy. Like the guys who I look up to, Patrice, Dave Attell, you know, these are the best of the best in my opinion. And, you know, that I best of the best in my opinion um and you know that i sort of hold myself to that standard and i'll never be there in my mind and probably in most people's minds but i'll never fucking you know those are the best

um and you start to hate it and that's a that's a very difficult painful process and i think most people most people even if you don't do stand-up go listen back anybody older listen to this think about when you still put answering machine messages or you still do it with your voicemail how many times you go back and go I sound like a fucking idiot and you delete it again and again and again and then you've done it 30 times and yeah I think that's just sort of natural yeah if you care about what you do you're gonna hate it you know uh Alexander Gustafson said something like that once you know he's one of the UFC's top light heavyweights, and he was talking about being a professional fighter, that as a professional athlete, he was never satisfied.

He still is never satisfied. Like, nothing's ever good enough. And this is just the mindset that you have to be to be an elite athlete. And I think anything you're really trying to do, you're going to pick it apart. And as you're picking it apart, you're going to pick it apart And as you're picking it apart You're going to find stuff that you hate But you've got to still find stuff that you love too Like the balance of doing too many sets

You know when you do too many sets And you get stale You get flat Yeah that's not good either Oh yeah Well when you're just Going through the same thing Yeah you know where the punch is coming

You feel like they know It's like You feel like they know That's part of it Because you know So it's hard for you To be in the moment Because it's like you've heard it too many times so you don't want to say it again well i i think about this like you know it must be crazy for you because every show you do there's somebody that probably fucking followed you from the next city and are

you ever conscious of that are you ever thinking like fuck dude i know that guy he saw this bit and it just for one dude and for me one dude i'm like fuck i want to do that bit now it'll be a crowd of 250 people i'm like you know i don't want to do it and as i start saying it i'm i scan the crowd and i find his eyes and i'm like i'm a fucking hack i stink i'm so bad but that's the process that you have to go through and you know that i think stanhope yelled at a guy to stop coming and sitting in the front row like because he did a second show and the guy was there for the second show too in the same spot. He's like, what the fuck? You can't do that.

Yeah, it can definitely mess your head. The illusion of you being in the moment talking about these subjects is out the window if someone saw you do it the exact same way three hours ago. And that's the magic trick. If you know the sleight of hand yeah doesn't matter if you know what's gonna happen you just see it every single time yeah but there's some people that love the process i met these two ladies in austin that travel around the world uh listening to stand-up they went to see ari in iceland and i think they saw him in the uk too they're like fans of like the process of comedy and they said that they

were at the the comedy store like a week before when i did a set there and then they came to the shows in austin because that's where they live but they travel around watching comedy and they wanted to talk about the process of it it's really interesting because they'll get to see all these different sets they'll get to see sets where things don't go so great sets we switch it up and think look you'll see that at the comedy store all the time there's people that go there like two or three nights a week yeah they just they it's it's a rare art form where it one day will be seen by millions right you put it on whatever you're on hulu or itunes or whatever the fuck it is netflix if you're on netflix you're going to be seen by millions of people.

Like, but 150 can watch you practice. Yeah. And the same ones can watch you practice. And it's awesome, by the way. It's awesome. Like I,

you mentioned watching George St. Pierre train before or him being coachable. I got to watch GSP training with Henzo Gracie and John Donahar at Henzo school in New York city. This is when I just started podcasting. This is like nine nine years ago i used to do a show called hammer fisting to give people that's like watching herschel walker play football or get coached like be on the field with him if you were a fan of football you're like whoa i'm right here i'm talking about like as far as you guys are for me i'm watching them train i'm watching both of them give him

like it was really cool it was a really really cool thing um wait how do we even get there i'm sorry we're talking about him being coachable and him listening and you watched him train with how we even get to the georges st pierre how to get back to there what we were talking about right before that i'm sorry marijuana has pros and cons and here is the time being able to watch it from the like from the training process. Oh, right. So we have with comedy, it's like that.

Thank you, Jamie. You don't get paid enough. I don't know what you get paid, but it's not enough. That process was an amazing thing to watch. Now, if I went to it and I paid $600 for a front row seat and I was like,

I'm watching a fight right now and I'm watching a George St. Pierre UFC champion fight, I would be vastly disappointed with that experience i would go this isn't this isn't what i'm paying for and i think when people come to comedy clubs they think they're paying for the big fight night the big fight night's a special the big fight night's what you're the album you're recording whatever it is basically everything leading up to that with to a certain degree i think if you're headlining there's a on the road doing an hour there's a certain responsibility they're paying a heavy price ticket for a real show um but they should

have a higher they should have at least a little bit of an understanding that they're watching the process and if they understood it they would appreciate it more you would they would go oh shit i get even though i heard this guy do that joke before i noticed the nuance and i noticed the difference some people some people only want to hear the new shit but that's cool too just sit around and wait dice used to just to hear the new shit. But that's cool too. Just sit around and wait. Dice used to just fucking do the hits. How cool would that be?

Yeah, he used to get, they used to get angry if he didn't do the hits. Like they would ask him. Gavigan still, I think, they start calling out Hot Pocket and he's like, he'll do it. He has to. I think he has to. I think Burt Kreischer has to tell the machine story still, right? 30 minute story. It's half the hour. Doesn't he still tell that story?

I'm sure. He still tells that story. that story i'm sure well people will be mad bird is taken to taking his shirt off in the original room of the comedy store as well it wasn't he would save the shirt off for the main room but now he's taken to the next level so it's he takes his shirt off immediately it's at starbucks they're way too close to him so they they all get uncomfortable. They're like, what are you doing? I wish I was comfortable being fat doggy. If I, if I could be comfortable being fat, I would be so happy because I was a fat kid growing up. Then I got in really good shape in my mid to late twenties. Um, got sort of eating right exercise and got really into it.

Um, and now every winter I get fat every summer I get back in shape and I just yo-yo back and forth. Damn. Um, and cold weather life. And it's cold weather life and it's a you're yeah you're right it is because i i don't want to sweat you don't you don't know joe you've never been a fat guy and i don't want to hear this horseshit or you were fat when you're in your teenage years never fat okay you don't know what it's like i don't know what it's walking upstairs and having your you could you could feel your ass sweating you could feel your thighs sticking together.

It's just an uncomfortable life knowing that if you're eating something in public that there are other people that are health conscious looking at you and judging you. And I know that because I've been on the other side. Because now when I watch fat people on the subway eating potato chips, I'm like, even if I'm fat, I'm just like, put them away. What are you doing? Yeah, why are you killing yourself with that nonsense? But they probably taste delicious. Unbelievable. In the moment, right? Some barbecue. I'm just like, ugh, put them away. What are you doing? Yeah, why are you killing yourself with that nonsense? Yeah. But they probably taste delicious.

Unbelievable. In the moment, right? Some barbecue. What kind of, what is that stuff? When you get barbecue chips, what is that? What is barbecue? Because first of all, it does not taste like barbecue. It has a taste, and that taste is barbecue potato chip taste. Yeah.

It's not barbecue taste. It's an orange dust, whatever the flavor is, yeah. Grape flavor doesn't taste like grapes at all but you know like if you have a great bubble gum but if someone gives you a piece of great bubble gum you're like oh this is grape like bitch that doesn't taste like a grape yeah not at all true yeah it is true so true yeah orange soda cat bitch that is not orange like what is that this is not the taste of orange at all this doesn't taste like orange yeah i uh that's i have a dude food it's so fucking bad dude what is barbecue potato chips what the fuck is that taste

because that's a weird taste right that does not taste like barbecue i tell you this much it does not grow on the earth whatever it is it's some long words and some scientific sounding shit that methylalanine. Yep. Myofiscapine. Should not be putting into your body. Oh, there's got to be some trans fats in them bitches too. Oh, come on, Joe. It's 2019. You're allowed to say that still.

Oh, you're allowed to say trans fats? Still allowed to say trans fats. Let's get in there though. You can say trans. Trans is okay. Yeah. It's just you don't deviate with new sounds with your face. Yeah.

And mean the exact same thing or people get furious. Yeah. Trans fats are okay. Trans fats. People get get mad at you you say it too much like do you just get off on saying trans is that why you said trans fats i'm allowed to talk also trainings have great senses of humor if you've ever hung out a lot of them well every every trans person that i know and i i i'm friends with two that i'm pretty close with. And I know a handful. Get it? And yeah, they have great sense of humor. Gay people have great sense of humor. Black people, Hispanic people, all the people, all these protected groups have great sense of humor.

If you go to a black room and do racist jokes, what would be deemed as racist jokes by young liberal white people, they love it, dude. They fucking bounce off the walls or having a blast it's all they're good jokes yes i guess but that's just but they're not typically getting offended they'll boo you off stage but they're not going like this person needs to lose their job i'm highly offended by these jokes yeah i don't i i never see that i never see a black person or hispanic person being the one actually complaining about something. It's always some fucking annoying white chick. Some fucking barbecue chip fan.

Yeah. What's in that stuff? What is barbecue chips? What is that barbecue shit? Barbecue flavor, like paprika, mesquite, smoke flavor. That's what it is? Extract, garlic powder, and then maldextrose, all that kind of extra stuff, too. Oh, maldextrose.

That's a sugar, right? Is that some kind of a sugar? Probably is. It is a weird acceptance, the barbecue chip flavor. We accept that flavor. It's fucking good. It's great, but it does not taste like fucking barbecue. I would never go with barbecue.

Barbecue chips? Never. I'll take them every time. How about that? That's because barbecue is always sauce. It's that thick sauce you gotta lick I guess there's no sauce

on chips my favorite for sure is sea salt and vinegar if you want some potato chips I'll fuck up some sea salt

and vinegar that's my favorite salt and pepper that's good too it's not bad that's good too I get the salt and vinegar almonds

those sound good those are fucking delicious yeah why sea salt why am I so pretentious? I want my salt from the ocean. I want sea salt.

I don't know if I can taste the fucking difference. Could you tell the difference with a regular salt? I'd like to know. I'd like to know if I can. You have no idea. I bet I can't. I bet Himalayan salt tastes a little different. Maybe.

What do you think? Probably, right? Probably like a little different. You could probably do it. You could probably taste the difference between all three of those if you did a blind taste test easily i bet i would i would beg to disagree dude if you want to cook a steak especially a ribeye and you don't have kosher salt you don't know what the fuck you're doing you want that thick ass what makes it kosher salt i don't know is it actually kosher jews use magic the jews are praying over it oh shit weed it's weed joe um the they believe i've

killed like at least four laptops on this that's one of the reasons why i switched to a windows laptop i have a lenovo not just for the best keyboard but also because um the fucking things are waterproof like how does apple not have waterproof computers yeah you spill your coffee on your Apple computer That shit is dead Also the iPhone is not waterproof I've watched five friends go Yeah it's waterproof and just dunk it in water

And then it goes off Bobby Kelly did that My girlfriend did that we were in Jamaica She's like it's waterproof And she starts taking these photos of the waves coming up to the phone So it's like half in the water and half without Oh my god It's water resistant Meaning like if it phone so it's like half in the water and half without and it's oh my god that's it it's water resistant yeah water resistance like if it's raining it's fine

and you make sure you have the one that's water resistant like you might not have you might have an older model yeah like i have an iphone throw the ocean but the fucking laptops they they short out i've shorted out how many jam, Jamie? How many have I killed? Five, six. Easily. Like one every six months. At least killed four laptops. One time I'm leaving the skanks.

I was drinking red wine. Louis J. Gomez. Louis J. Gomez. The very prestigious Louis J. Gomez. Drinking a glass of red wine. And I knocked it over at Big J. Big J had just bought a brand new pair of sneakers, like $150 sneakers. J sneakers jay's jay's deep down inside he's trash so he like you know he needs expensive things to make himself feel good

um but these were beautiful white sneakers just got them and the wine it literally the entire glass fell into the laptop i mean literally all the liquid disappeared into the laptop right um and one splash just went splat right on the front of his shoe oh right on the red wine that's it and he couldn't be mad because my 1600 laptop had just been destroyed so he couldn't be like oh my 150 shoes why aren't laptops all fucking waterproof that's what i'm saying like fix that stupid do they just want to make a lot of money in repairs is that what that is maybe planned obsolescence they know people are going to be dumb like why doesn't apple listen listen folks you gotta make better keyboards your keyboards are dog shit also the volume on the uh the macbook air is garbage what do you say jamie i just saw someone tweet

about that today there's like a an someone wrote. Apple doesn't, from their stance, they don't buy that. It's a big problem, the keyboard issue. Oh, but their keyboard issue is that's a breaking keyboard. The keyboards suck, even if they work perfectly. They suck for writing. There's no travel. It's a very short travel, and they're flat. It doesn't feel good for your hands. I think you just get used to it that's stupid it's you shouldn't have to get used

to it like if you like a lenovo keyboard it's so much better today you know what it is i think their whole thing was apple's sort of butterfly keyboard a personal journey yeah the feel of it right so it feels very smooth when you touch it when you take it out of the box it feels i'll tell you what it is it's the way it looks very smooth when you touch it. When you take an apple out of the box, it feels... Listen, I'll tell you what it is. It's the way it looks. They like the fact that it looks really thin and really sleek, so they made these keys as shallow as possible. So they're just like click, click, click, click, click,

so everything's real small and it looks sleek as fuck. That's what it is. It's not for function. If they had it function, there'd be like a little dip to the center of the key so your fingers would fit in it normally and there would be some travel because when you have some travel with your keys then your fingers get a better

sense of what you're doing and you're more precise you need your hands moving around more you need better precision it's more precise whether or not you're touching something you get better feedback so you can type better but i show it in like words per minute when they show like people who are like really good typists how many words per minute they can do with a really good keyboard versus a flat, shallow keyboard. Even experienced high-level typists are way better with something that has some travel to it. If I try to type on a regular keyboard right now, it would feel like it's an alien thing because I'm so used to it now. Yeah. Well, I guess you can get used to it.

But I don't even mean like a regular keyboard like just a like a laptop keyboard doesn't have to be like some crazy but just have enough extra travel there's like a number they think it is like 1.5 millimeters or something like that and they would like like anything between 1.5 and 2 millimeters is good you get that travel and you get a feeling of it yeah and it's a lot of feedback anything shorter than that is bad so you're saying it's actually a better writing experience it's easier it's easier to write like your fingers find the keys better i'm not a good typer but i'm half decent i don't look at the keys 1967 i've been uh doing those uh i did those

mavis base bacon teaches typing i did all those little courses where it's like a game that you play okay you ever seen it no oh it's called it I did all those little courses where it's like a game that you play. Okay. You ever seen it? No. Oh, it's really cool. Like, they make it like a little game. Like, things will go across the screen, and you have to type it with your finger, and

it shows you, like, a map of where your hands are in relationship to the keys, and it shows you, like, where you should move your fingers, and then there's something that will pop up, and you're like, oh, that's an L. Here's an L. And you'll start doing this. And as you're doing this, you get better and better. And then they ask you to start forming sentences. And after a while, you get like a really good sense of where the keys are. Yeah.

I almost felt that game Guitar Hero, they should have made it with like a real guitar because I feel like they can teach people guitar. If they made it a game where they just started, you just sort of like have to hit those beats and then your finger starts getting used to it. Are you sure it was Jamie? I was in typing class in the sixth grade.

The new thing I just discovered, it's called tap. Like these little sensors you put on your fingers and you tap little gestures and it types for you. So you don't need a keyboard anymore. What in the holy fuck? I don't know if it would be useful. I don't know if you'd like it. I don't know if you could get used to it and it'd actually be better.

It's going to suck right now. Show me in five years. It's going to be goddamn garbage right now. The technology sucks. This is a Tom Cruise movie. Look at this. This guy moving this stuff around with his fingers. This is insane.

Fuck. Could be cool. I mean, you want tactile feedback, I'm sure, but they could add a little bit of a vibration maybe and that could be enough. I don't know. know look it's entirely possible that these typers if you left them alone with one of those shallow keyboards eventually they could get used to it and they would put their their you know numbers of words per minute just back up to where it was before but for me it's just an easier experience i don't use any of the this the new technology like alexa or those things that

bitch is listening always oh yeah oh it's crazy it's over whatever i've sort of given up like all right guys you have an online profile everything i i type in is online everything we say it's being picked up stores are eventually going to have just alexa and their own versions of whatever that is where you just say it into the air and it's all listening and it's all going into a database and you know i i eventually i think what they're going to do is they're going to have uh they'll have the technology to like go through podcasts and find the no-no words they'll have an algorithm to go back and start listening to what you're not supposed to say start kicking old content off the internet

that's good that's that's very close on the way. Guaranteed. I'm sure. Yeah, we're in the middle of a hurricane of new technology. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be really, really interesting to see what these, I mean, the guy's wearing virtual reality goggles, typing on his arm.

Yeah. What? Moving things around in some virtual desktop. That's like straight out of a futuristic film right i uh i'm interested to see where it's gonna go that's minority report right i mean minority report they didn't have glasses they just did it on the screen and we were like that is insane that is insane but that's like you know windows 13 or something yeah it's actually not impressive anyway what you watch minority report now you're like okay it's a fucking touch screen yeah you needed all those um those psychics yeah we need yeah if you have psychics that can predict crimes and what in

the fuck kind of weird body slavery was that psychics strapped into a tub all day like what was that is that what they want yeah how do they not see this coming that they're going to get roped into being covered in milk and left in that pool like what the fuck was that that was a weird fucking movie that's a weird fucking movie right like they needed those people to figure out crime right isn't that how they did it that was the idea but you didn't have free will anymore like that was the idea that those people are like i forget were they special like like x-men type people precogs they had precognition ability. Yeah, they had magic powers. But you, yeah, I guess the thing would be like,

well, why wouldn't you go to this guy and say, don't commit the crime? And then the date passes, he doesn't commit the crime, and you... Yeah, say, hey man, I know you're going to go rob this bank and it's really going to fuck up your life and everybody else's life, so don't go robbing the bank. You're going to have to get in a shootout with the cops.

Yeah. There you go. I was trying to find this little quick little video have you seen this come on what the fuck is barbecue potato flavor this uh new amazon store i don't know if these are fully out yet but this is the way it's going to work like this guy walks in he scans his phone on like basically like a turnstile like you're walking into a subway that sort of lets the store know you're there yeah and you don't pay for anything oh you walk out and scan walk out boom it sort of lets the store know you're there yeah and you don't pay for anything it sort of knows what you have wow what and charges you off for your account and

this is what's going to happen for everyone that wants a minimum wage raised this is coming guys nobody's going to be working in these places this is weird they're going to eliminate shoplifting this is a weird looking everything in plastic like that freaks me out i feel like we're in a movie there's a couple grocery stores like that here already i don't know if you've seen well at the airport you don't you don't even deal with people anymore you just go up and you pick it up and you scan it out yourself and well um andrew yang who's running for president on this um universal basic income idea is uh one of the things he's doing this for is to educate people the fact that all these jobs are going away automation is going to take over many many millions of jobs in this country and we have to be prepared for all these people essentially being

you know uh technologies remove them from the workforce they don't they're not needed anymore so then they have to figure out, what do I do next? And then universal basic income, he thinks, would be the bridge. What is universal basic income? The idea is you get a certain amount of money for free. To live. Yeah, and I don't know how it works. I'm not an economist.

I'm a moron. I'm not smart. I don't understand the numbers. I don't get if he's right or if he's wrong. I'm not the guy. And I don't have the time. I'm not going if he's right or if he's wrong. I'm not the guy. And I don't have the time. I'm not going to invest in it. But it's a debate.

And the debate is, if this is coming, what do you do about it? It's not whether or not it's coming. It's pretty likely that it's coming. It's pretty likely that all these people are going to be out of work. Automation's going to take over for driving. It's going to take over a lot of factory jobs. Right now, you do not order from a human being. You type it into a kiosk.

They send it over. And to be honest with you, it's a better experience. Damn. It's better. It's cheaper and better. So at what point do you go, like, look, that's fine. I understand there's some kid who lost his Taco Bell job. But if it's a better way and it's a better experience for the customer who's spending money.

Yeah, I get it, man. The thing is it's happening so fast, People aren't going to be prepared for it They're going to think that a certain amount of jobs are going to be available And then a vast number of those Are not going to be around anymore So his idea is the way you bridge the gap Is you give people something that Meets their needs, like your need for food

And shelter, just give them enough so that they Everything else they make they get to keep It's theirs and let them Give them like a boost And the idea is that doing this Would save money long term everything else they make they get to keep it's theirs and let them give them like a boost and the idea is that doing this would save money long term in a bunch of different ways it's all it's a lot of it's theoretical i pay less in taxes with this question if that's the case then i'm all for it that's it always that though like here's the thing we never know we don't get an audit of where

our taxes go right we don't have no idea i have no idea where the fuck it goes right well it's distributed throughout if it went and you knew that it made an impact it really did make a difference and like you knew that the people that are taking your time there's no waste and they're really trying to make the world a better place oh yeah but they just like a little bit of your money you'd be like oh okay you're trying to make the world a better place like clearly these people are making the world a better place. If you knew that for sure and you felt that for sure,

you're like, I like the attitude behind this. It's very community oriented. We're going to fix the United States. Here, take some of my money. That'd be great. But it's not that. But then try to go call,

try to go get your license renewed over the phone and see the amount of people you have to talk to, the amount of times you get hung up on, the amount of times you have to call back

and you realize there's all of these wasted jobs, all these people that don't need to be there. And to be honest with you, everyone is sort of protecting that. There's an entire industry of people that work 45 minutes per day, and they like it that way.

They don't want to have any type of real passion. This is what they do. So yeah, everyone sort of, I watch it in the entertainment industry all the time. We create these shows, and we do these things. And you guys have a very popular show. If this was a studio run show, if this was run by ABC, Joe Rogan Experience, change nothing.

You know what they would do? There'd be literally 20 people behind cameras right now, clipboards. There'd be people on walkie talkies. There'd be headsets. All of these jobs that don't need to be there guaranteed have you ever gone to one of the there's a lot of studios in la where it's like just sort of corporate run podcast studios man it's weird there's 10 people behind the camera you're like what are you doing i did bill simmons hbo show really nice guy yeah you know he has that big podcast i i don't know it now you know him him, right, Jamie? Yeah. And we basically did a podcast just with cameras, but there was like 30 people there.

Yep. All these people that are doing this and that and like every other studio job. Yeah. And who's stepping up? Nobody's stepping up going, hey, guys, I'm not really needed here. Just so you know, I'm going to dip out. No way, man. No.

There's union gigs too, by the way. Like if you want to have lighting and you want to have cameras, you have to use these guys. And this is how, I mean, even if you don't need them you would have to use it it's it's interesting like and on one hand for the longest time i think um people uh didn't have as many opportunities you know you you really if you wanted to do something no matter what it would be whether it's um a television show or you wanted to be a host of a talk show or whatever the fuck it was there was not that many paths there's only like a

couple of avenues there's only a few channels there's only a few slots ever right for all the shows but now it's not the case anymore man yeah it's just not the case there's a fucking million different channels and if you get roped into that old mentality, like there's still a few of those old vampires that are clinging to that old system. Yeah. And they would rather you come do it on television. They'll chop it up every 15 minutes and put a big fat commercial.

It's crazy. Have you ever done like, because I was on SiriusXM for a while doing a show, and it's just like- Did they fire you? They fired Apollo. They said, you're out of here yeah they did he tweeted some crazy shit that you did if you had a corporate job you can't tweet crazy shit look he's nick

apollo that's what you get that's what you hired no i uh can't ask i quit something different it was me and bisping and bisping kept on just not showing up he was like done with it basically and uh they try to match me up with like some football player and i was like fuck it me and bisping is gonna start a podcast and now we're doing literally 50 times as good i mean i mean it's not even close but it's they have all these there's three producers in the studio we have it's just all of like the the like the spirit and the fun part and the entertaining part of it is sort of sucked out of it you have very specific segments and it's regimented and your producers have to know exactly where you're going with the next thing and you're

like don't we're not going to get anywhere cool or interesting if we're this regimented yeah if we're if you're not letting allowing us to sort of play you're not going to really and this is why i think you know radio is is getting destroyed by podcasts right now um every you see serious xm now they're going shit we got gotta start a podcast network they're starting their own podcast now oh you know they did they bought pandora did they yeah yeah i think so is that true i believe it's a partnership yeah i think i heard something like that as well purchase or something like that interesting yeah and uh spotify's with hulu now i just got an email about that you get a free Hulu subscription with your Spotify.

It's all crazy. They don't know what to do now. Now they're like, podcasting, that's a thing. So they're throwing so much money at all of these companies. They're buying companies for like hundreds of millions of dollars. $230 million. They just bought one, another company, $130 million. It feels like one of those early day tech boom things where everybody's just like going crazy and spending all this money.

It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa okay what are you doing why spend that much money how could you possibly by the way the company they bought is just an idea i mean what is it really it's like we have this idea for this app and me you know me and my partner we have we have our own podcast network called guest digital and we've been practicing what they're doing. We have premium content that we have on the app and on the website. Do you guys have what people have to pay for some of your shit? All of the podcasts are free. The latest 15 are free on YouTube and iTunes.

And then the On Demand Library is a premium with AdFree is a premium. So we insert the ads after the fact. Uncensored, they get a three or four day pre-release on the episodes. So there's all these benefits for becoming a premium member, and a certain percentage of people subscribe to the network for the premium stuff, which is great. But we've been putting this into practice for years now, and now we're watching these companies get whatever, $230 million.

We're like, huh, really? Yeah, but you guys are disgusting. No, we can't. It's over. No one's going to pay for that. They're going to be connected with you. You guys get too crazy. It's too crazy. You're 100% right.

But you don't, but that's the beautiful thing. It's like, you don't really need that. No, I don't want it. If somebody put $230 million into my company right now, we would have bosses. We would be told we can't say they'd be like, are you crazy? Did you guys just, did you guys just have a Bill Cosby rape victim beauty pageant on Legion of Skanks? Did that actually just happen? Which it did.

That was a great episode, guys. Go check it out. I mean, it gets fucking... It gets ridiculous, yeah. But the point is that these companies, they're showing that they're understanding that there's something going on with the podcasting world. They're just throwing a lot of money at us. I mean, look, if they're buying really good companies and they're making really good podcasts,

I'm happy. I love podcasts. I like listening to them. I hope they do well. But it's just shocking. And obviously, I'm not a business person. So maybe there's some sort of a plan to it. You're very much a business person, Joe.

I'm not, though. Maybe there's some sort of a grand plan. Maybe there's some sort of a podcast battle. Maybe there's like some sort of a podcast battle going on between like Apple and Spotify and streaming services. People are doing premium shit too, where they're buying out podcasts and they're only putting it on where you have to be a subscriber for Spotify or whatever else it is, which is strange because it type shit.

Yeah. This podcast grow by sharing. You have to be able to share them. You know, you people have to be able to download it for free. They fall in love with the content, and then that's that. They'll come buy a ticket. They'll buy a t-shirt, whatever it is.

So I think it's a little bit, I think it's a little counterintuitive. I don't think it's a good idea to hide podcasts behind a paywall. I wonder what they're going to try to do. See, Spotify doesn't have to hide anything behind a paywall, but there are some companies that are trying to do something behind a paywall, and they're paying for a bunch of different podcasts, and they're going to launch it like a network. Yeah, I mean, Kumia does that a little bit with Compound Media.

Yeah, we were on his network for a while. We were the first show booked to his network. And I think it's a mistake. And I love Anthony. And I've told him this. I offered to go work with Anthony when he first started the network. I think that he should do what we do. If Anthony put out his shows free, he would be constantly discovered by new people. And then it's figuring out how to get a higher percentage of people to subscribe to your premium content.

And you will continue to grow that number. And it's just literally every time I do a podcast there's x amount of new listeners that are discovering it for the first time so you have sort of another opportunity if people aren't discovering your podcast it's an issue um but i think they did start doing some free episodes on compound yeah they put free ones up occasionally look he's a really brilliant guy he's a fun dude too he's one of the funniest crazy one of the funniest people, period. I love broadcasting with Anthony. He's a legend.

He's a legend. I mean, I didn't even grow up on Opie and Anthony. I never listened to Opie and Anthony once in my entire life until after I knew Anthony. And I started listening back to old shit with Patrice and Norton's great. I'm friends with Norton. Dude, when they were all on together, those are some of the best episodes ever. Patrice, Norton, andony just going crazy about things yeah fuck great show man yeah they that opie and anthony taught me how to do a podcast in a lot of ways i've heard you say that because it was like a hang i was like oh it doesn't have to be that structured where

someone's got like a list of questions and they're rattling it off like that's not fun yeah like a hang is fun you know i hang even when it goes bad it's funny that's the best that's what obi and anthony figured out which was great it's like when it's bad it's even better yeah because when somebody bombs or there's a joke doesn't go well then the entire room just smashes them and you do people don't know i don't know if you've ever told a joke that didn't go well in a room of people it's awful and then have the best comics in the world start trashing you live on air while millions of people are listening around the country. Oh my God, dude.

It's so good. It also enforced the camaraderie between comedians in like that kind of a form. We'd all get together and see, like you'd meet a bunch of different comics at the show too. You meet guys from others. Like you might be sitting in with some comic from Philly. You know, you get to know people that way yeah that they did that for sure that like uh that that that definitely like uh it enforced it a little bit you know yeah i mean once again you know you're sort of having three or four people that are really smart that are good at radio good

at broadcasting as well um be able to react in real time you're going to get these things you couldn't get it anywhere else you know it's it's such a uh yeah and those guys were some of the best at it um you know the whole uh the whole way it went down you know at the end of it kind of sucked well really it's the this is it's not just the birth of podcasting because of that. For a couple reasons, Opie and Anthony, in my opinion, are like the birth of podcasting. One of them was Anthony built his own studio in his basement where he would do karaoke holding a machine gun. He's psycho. He's fucking crazy.

Live from the compound. Do you know his logo was, it looked like a swastika from afar? No. I swear to God, he's a psycho. Like, Anthony, stop leaning in to the white supremacist stuff i'm trying to be friends with you does he think he's doing it for he he's and he thinks it's funny he thinks it's funny but he's also a 60 year old italian guy from long island what does it look like what is happening hardest vibrate i felt in a long time this thing is ridiculous if you talk

to most 60 year old italian men in long island they're going to have some fairly controversial views on race and politics in the country and you know i think he when he left serious xm he leaned a little bit too much into the political side and he sort of got you know now he's pegged as like a right-wing guy but i'm a fucking puerto rican kid who was i think he's definitely right wing but he is right wing but i'm just saying i don't think that i don't that's not what what I look at. When I broadcast with Anthony, I don't talk about politics. Right. We just talk about whatever. We talk about fucking stupid shit.

Barbecue potato chips. Well, he'll talk to you about anything, but he'll talk about politics too. He's not a dumb guy. No, not at all. He's a very smart guy. He's just crazy. He's fun. You know what I mean?

Look, it's not perfect. No one is. Yeah. I just also, I don't look at people that um number one i don't give a fuck about it about what anybody's political views are i would never hang out with somebody or not hang out with them based off of what their political views are if that is their entire identity then it becomes an issue yeah because then you're probably an issue to them right well so many people are to so many people unnecessarily yeah so much there's so much unnecessary conflict you know i mean uh some of it's good but

some of it's just not you can be friends with people you don't agree i mean nick dipalo disagree with like 75 of shit i love the guy i always love hanging out with him we've known him forever i never never like never do i say god it's nick again i love it when he gets mad about shit damn well you don't know what fucking obama did yeah it's great he loves it he's on uh he's on that uh cameo website and you can just pay him to trash your liberal friends oh that's funny it's so fucking funny he'll just like it was like what are you like fucking hillary you fucking faggot in his kitchen yeah it's fucking great wife beater on yeah um but look patrice you know i remember i i watch my son my son's mother was in labor for 30 hours fucking crazy long labor overnight i remember the next morning she's like lying down he's like in the little fucking other room or

whatever and i'm watching like a fan-made patrice o'neill documentary and he's just saying like the most heinous shit about how women aren't shit and about how fucking a bitch you know she needs you and but and i just watched my son's mother push my son out of her for 30 hours it was fucking i mean the whole experience was so mind-blowing and in my mind i'm going i could never in a million years do what she just did i had this whole other appreciation for what a woman is it's like a it blows your mom and you got kids and then patrice is fucking up there just this big fat black guy saying horse shit because he he's fucking but it's the funniest shit on the planet yeah the absolute funniest shit on the planet and you can

laugh at it you don't have to get mad i don't agree with half the shit most of the shit that he says all that fucking i look dude i i'm an idiot i don't look at i don't i don't go after women that are below me i like to go after women that are above me and that sort of elevate me make me want to be better i think that's it's a little check and balance system i have for myself you know um but you don't have to be so connected to whatever the message is you can literally take it for face value which is it's just really funny like undeniably funny yeah he was a monster and he also he had points really good psychological insight he knew what made people tick he knew what made people say stupid shit he knew what made people stumble he's a he was a master at uh

understanding like how to get off controversial ideas yeah you know he was and but his his contribution for a lot of us was uh he had an extra level of i don't give a fuck you know like you would see don roasts he would he'd you know he'd roast and he was like like you i don't even know why i'm up here you're not even on my level yeah it was uh charlie sheen yes yeah charlie sheen roast again he just went off script he threw the paper and he was just that was brilliant he murdered he's a killer man and he only did that one because he i guess he agreed because he said that was the only guy that he was interested in roasting was like i'm not doing it for the paycheck charlie sheen's a fucking g yeah um well it's just that he's you know he would he just had this don't give a fuck style. Yeah. And we all like, we all,

I think I can be speaking for myself. I appreciate, I don't give a fuck style more than any other style of comedy. For me, my favorite shit was like, first of all, Joey Diaz. But then when you go back to the greats,

like Kennison and Hicks and those guys didn't give a fuck. Yeah. They went out, they went off and it was the most fun to watch as a person who's a an audience member for me was the most fun to watch i agree and i think you know that's that's the shit that i agree and it's yeah we grew up on that and then society changes and i'm like no dude i've been i've been working on this for so long please let me i have to change my entire like foundation of what i think is funny now because and it's's almost not. And that's why I think guys like Legion of skanks and the special, did you guys name

it? Legion of skanks, me and big J. Okay. So big J would constantly cheat on his wife and, uh, it was like a regular occurrence and she knew it and everyone knew it. And one time we were there and then we were hanging out and we were about to leave. They were in an argument and she's like, fuck you. Why don't you go hang out with your Legion of skanks?

And me and big J, we were both playing Guitar Hero at the time. That was like a big game at the time. We both looked at each other. We were like, Guitar Hero name. And that was what we named our band initially in Guitar Hero was Legion of Skanks. And then we're not that creative. So we wrote a script. How long ago is this?

Probably 10 years ago. 10 years ago. 10 years ago, the name. And then that was the Guitar Hero band. Maybe even more. Probably more. Yeah, actually way more. Because it was right when me and Big Jay became friends. 10 years ago 10 years ago the name and then that was the Guitar Hero Band maybe even more probably more yeah actually way more because it was right when

me and Big Jay became friends and then we wrote it's a great name yeah Legion of Skanks is a great name it's probably one of the all time greatest names

of anything right you stop and think about like bands or television Legion of Skanks that is a great name thank you

thank you Joe that's a great name yeah well I gotta give it to Big Jay because he recognized it immediately. And then every project we ever did since then has been named Legion of Skanks until the podcast worked. It's a good move.

Yeah. And it, yeah, it's, you know, people know what they're getting. They get it, dude. They get it. And to be honest with you, people, people want that type of humor. That's the other thing is like, it's the new alternative is like dirty, edgier, ballsy shit. Well, it's what we were talking about earlier

look if you like punk rock you should be able to listen to punk rock but if you like the kind of comedy that some people like aggressive like outlandish comedy you're like if that's what you like then you should be able to enjoy it or not it's up to you it's like you don't have to like it you don't have to listen you don't have to watch it's not that it makes you immune from criticism if people don't like it but you know it's everybody's got different tastes that's it and and to be honest with you if i wanted to sit here and deconstruct everything that could trigger me in life i'm just not a bitch i don't i don't sit here and i'm triggered every moment by the amount of shit that i've seen in my fucking life everything triggers me everything triggers me and every movie that i

watch is if there's some fucked up scene i can go oh that reminds me of some fucked up shit um but you have to appreciate those things don't you sort of want sort of everything to be represented and and even with comedy when you look at things like rape jokes is like a big no-no topic right you can't do rape jokes anymore and i understand you know medsger's bit right which one well i can't say it shit because he's gonna put it on a special i'm sure he is i'll tell you about it afterwards that's actually the first time i met you by the way i was opening for kirk medsger in montreal like years ago you don't remember at all many moons at that little place the The comedy works. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Jimbo's joint.

Yep. It's a great little spot, man. But yeah, yes, rape jokes will work. I closed my special with a 10-minute rape joke. How dare you? How dare you try to pass that off to America? But I can't do the bit, but the bit's excellent. Remind me and I'll tell you it off because it's one of those premise, like once you say

the premise, it ruins it. Yeah. So you have to, it has to be a very high level, but the woman in the crowd who was raped a month ago and it's like, I'm going to go out, I'm going to go to a comedy club to feel better. She's not wrong if she's triggered,

but she becomes wrong when she tries to take away the experience from other people. You have to walk away and you have every right. And I feel bad. I've had girls come up to me away. And you have every right, and I feel bad, I've had girls come up to me after shows and be like, hey, just so you know, that really bothers me,

this is why. Right? And it's some rape joke or whatever it is, right? How many rape jokes you got? At least 70% of my act. Really? No. I'd say, no,

I do close my act with a 10-minute rape joke. Yeah, you just said that, but I mean, how many rape jokes, like, overall do you have? How many times do I say the rape, I do close my act with a 10-minute rape joke. Yeah, you just said that. But I mean, how many rape jokes, like overall, do you have? How many times do I say the rape or is it? No, like bits. I mean, really just that one rape.

It's a long bit though. So it's a lot of jokes within it. And I'm being raped in the joke most of the time. Okay. So that's, you know, I think that's why it's a guy being raped it helps but i you know i don't want i don't want to ruin the bit either but i think you have to um i respect the fact that people can be triggered but it's a very strange thing to me because for me i'm always trying to find something really funny from this dark shit right whether it's a

personal experience or whatever it is and the way we're looking at as comics is we're trying to find something really positive out of something really shitty and then you have like a movie which is just maybe it's a fucked up scene there's nothing i mean look it's a positive piece of content tag it to one person talking yeah you know it's a scene you're watching people act out a scene you're right there's something very personal about one person talking that's why this is, it's not, this is how some people would look at it. Like, you should talk about things that you really care about while you're doing that. Because you only have a certain amount of time to do it. You know?

And sometimes, yeah, sometimes you have a bit that's just not worth it you know like the way people react to it just like yeah even though you have a point it's like even working this bit out people are getting so upset it's almost not worth it no it has to be a net positive the crowd has to be laughing so there's no you know i'm not gonna i will defend somebody's right to tell a shitty joke you know i'm saying but at the same time i understand if as a performer you have to gauge the audience and put your finger in the air and go okay which way is the wind blowing right now the reality is you can't say things you used to say you can't say faggot on stage anymore in a crowd in new york or la you can't say that word the crowd will tighten up and shut down you'll ruin the rest of whatever that joke is so it's it's obviously i

haven't seen Diaz recently. Maybe they say faggot a lot. He'll say whatever he wants. He's awesome. He'll say whatever he wants. But I got a point. I, I have a,

you know, I have a joke about, you know, my, uh, my dog. And I used to say my faggot dog, cause he's looking at another male dog's asshole in the joke. And,

uh, and people would shut down at that word. And it's really, to be honest with you, New York and LA, that's where the biggest faggots live. The rest of the country is cool. If you go anywhere else,

they don't really give a shit about words like that. But in New York and LA, it's become a particularly hard thing to, you know, there's certain words and certain things. It's not even the content necessarily. It's just those words that sort of set people's sensors off. Well, there's always going to be a bunch of words like that. What's really interesting is what does happen when you stop people from saying it because it's kind of counterintuitive

because those words become these forbidden words dangerous words they have so much more power if you don't and i don't just i just don't think you ever get to tell people that you can't say certain words they used to be able to say all the time you know i mean the idea behind those words is still the same like if you say to someone you shouldn't say retarded anymore even though that used to be like a term that they would use for things being slower like their growth being slower their growth was retarded but now if you even use it as a technical term like in in the growth was retarded people get upset at you yeah don't use that anymore now that's a forbidden sound even if

it doesn't mean what they think it means we're talking about a person with down syndrome they don't like hearing the r word yeah you you talked about in your special i thought it was a great bit where you're like just these sounds from your face like what do we yeah what are we doing it's just you're making these different sounds with your mouth, so you're – it's just sounds. Well, it's a byproduct of speech being a shitty way to really clearly convey intent. And that's why when someone is good at speaking their mind, we kind of get a real sense of – we enjoy it. Someone's good at speaking their mind. But if someone sucks at speaking their mind, if they're clunky at're they're clunky at it then it's not enjoyable yeah yeah i agree um and there's

too many people that there's no barrier of entry and we're exposed to a lot of horse shit very quickly now whereas like i think back in the day comedians had time to grow in a club you know bob saget right bob saget was like a dirty fucking filthy comic who ended up getting on the cleanest television show ever right the dad you know danny tanner was you know but then you if there was cell phones out back then he would have never gotten that gig well i think he stopped doing stand-up for a long time because of that too right yeah i think i don't think he did stand up while he was doing that show i might be wrong but if he did do it maybe he did like a an abridged yeah a you know a pg-13 version or something yeah you know if i don't know man it's is it worth it you know is it worth it censoring i mean i think one day it seems like the more time goes on the more words they're

sneaking into network television you hear like shit every now and then i think i think you're allowed to say shit and asshole on a network show now yeah there was like a big episode once on i don't think you can say shit in my asshole though no you can't say that yeah that's just too you can call somebody a dick but you can't refer to your dick. That's the idea, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can call someone a pussy, I think, even, too, which is weird. You know, that one's on the way out.

Yeah. That's. Well, now that's become a thing where you're feminizing a man, and now that's offensive to women. Fuck you, bitch. Now that's a. I'm calling my buddy a pussy, and you get to take the offense on that. That's some crazy woman shit.

That's actually right there. That's how crazy woman shit. That's actually right there. That's how crazy women are. It's not how crazy women are. It's how crazy some women are. It's like, like some men are fucking crazy too. You're just dealing with a giant number of people. But if people find a little thing where they can pick on it and go after it

like that. Yeah. I don't know. I know there's nothing. There's's no it's very funny to me there's no words feminizing that could possibly offend me that could ever right you know well some people are just looking for it man right i don't actually believe they're offended though no i don't think so i think it's like you know when you see like a like a puerto rican kid get himself worked up in a fight where he's like, what? What do you say?

What do you say? And he starts to like have to psychologically fucking get himself into this brawl. That's what I think people do online all day. They stoke themselves up and they don't really care. Nobody actually, if they really gave a fuck, they would go out and do something. Well, I think a lot of them do care, but they're just expressing it on Twitter or on Facebook or wherever they're doing. I think a lot of them do care, but I think that it's fake caring.

It's too easy to pretend to care now. That's the problem. I think back in the day you had to enjoy the conflict. They enjoy it. You think so? I don't, I feel shitty. I feel so gross inside when I go back and forth with somebody. We were talking about that before.

You feel shitty. I don't, and I deal with it a lot being an entertainer. So I imagine when people deal with back and forth online that it's sort of a shitty feeling. They don't necessarily want that. They sort of want the accolades for their opinions. They do. They want that. But they also, it's addictive.

The conflict is addictive. It's like you're almost like you're playing a game. You're saying something shitty to them and they say something back to you shitty. And then they insult you and you insult them and you post a google article that refutes their google article but it's conflict you know and some look you can get the you can serendipitously is that the right word yeah serendipitously serendipitously um you could stumble across some brilliant piece of something on on twitter and you definitely can learn something and you definitely get some information

happens all the time you can also get sucked into some abortion debate that eats your life for the next seven days yeah and you start trying to figure out who's right or who's wrong and what what position to take abortion is one of the most human subjects in that humans are so we're so weird in so many ways we're so unusual and irregular and we don't we're inconsistent in a lot of the ways we look at things but the abortion one is a crazy one you're literally talking about stopping a human life while it's inside of a person and then you're you're talking about whether or not you have the decision to tell someone that they can stop a life inside of their body and everybody's like that's not what it is that's not and people like try to redefine it in some strange way like no no no so it's a woman's choice it is it is a woman's choice

but what is it a woman's choice to do? Yeah. To decide whether or not a life stays in her body and becomes a person or not. And when do you get to decide when a person – this is not a simple, clean thing. It's a simple, clean thing in my terms – in my mind in terms of what I'm able to tell anybody what to do. Yeah. And I wouldn't want to but if you just look as a human if someone is having an abortion and the baby is a healthy baby that's pretty close to being born and like when is it

okay i think everyone most people think it's okay when there's like two cells right there's only two cells or four cells or and they start dividing but at one point in time there's a line where and it's funny, it's viable outside of the woman's body. And also, you think about this, like whatever that line is, everyone, right? Let's say you're pro-choice. You have a line where one second ago it wasn't okay,

but in this exact second it is okay, which is sort of fucking crazy in itself, you know? Well, it's crazy in terms of, if you talk about a late-term abortion. Well, that's just how late is this like what are we saying i mean and this is a terrifying thing for people this this idea that we can make these decisions and rationalize them and decide for a person whether or not they should have to raise a child or whether they can stop it because it hasn't seen air yet it's such a fucking uh and you it's once you have a kid it changes you everything because i saw my kid's heartbeat every puerto rican instinct i had to have a baby kicked in i was like we're having

this fucking baby that's that because when we went to the doctor we weren't 100 positive we were going to keep my son it was it was a debate much more on her end i was that it really is latinos we just fucking want to spread our seed. Because I really, I just, she got pregnant and that was that. And then I saw the heartbeat and I was like, that's a baby right there. I'm watching, it's just a little flickering on a screen. But I was like, what do you want me to say? That's a heartbeat.

Yeah. However, you know, there's a lot of, there's some crazy shit. I argued with this dude, David Smith, recently. There's also a lot of religious stuff attached to it you know people don't want anybody to enforce their own religious beliefs as what abortion is you know and especially when you're dealing with something that's like just a week two weeks whatever it is when they like people think of it as just a cluster of cells like why is it so bad to stop this in its tracks i mean by the way i also think of it as a cluster of cells and if i

had to put myself into a category i would put myself into the pro-choice category um it's i think we need to decide for first of all men can't get pregnant if men can get pregnant i used to have a joke about it that uh you'd you'd be able to get an abortion on your phone literally it'd be an app i used to have this bit about it because it's true if men men like when they had a cold we pull out your phone go fuck this kid i'm not having a kid this is too annoying not dealing with it yeah it's not that we should be able to tell a woman whether or not she can or she can't do it it's just looking at it for what it actually is i don't think we have any right to tell a woman what she can or can't do but looking at it for what it is

it's i mean it is not a clean thing it's a strange thing and it's why i say it's one of the most human things because it's uh it's what even other animals don't have that choice yeah you can't deny what it is i had a cat when i was 11 and uh it was just we were garbage so she like fucked her son so she had a bunch of retarded cats with backwards legs. Oh no. And I watched my cat eat those kittens. So yeah, it's pretty human. The debate, it would have been a conversation with humans.

Yeah, I've seen that animals do that. I had a hamster that did that once. She ate her babies. And we were like, what the fuck? I guess she's pro-choice. This hamster. No, that's not pro-choice, right? She has a choice to eat their babies?

She had carved a hole out of this baby's head and she was chewing on it. We looked in. I never thought of that hamster the same way again. I'm like, that is a pretty rat. That dirty little thing

killed its babies. What in the hell? They get some sort of a disease apparently And if they get that disease They'll often just kill their babies Hamsters Hamsters As a regular

Dude it was rough We were little too We were like six, seven Yeah My sister were like What the fuck That's an awful way to learn about death See these things eat their babies

We were so happy that they had babies Like oh my god it's's going to be amazing. The cutest little thing. By the way, baby hamsters, they look like little fingers. They're just cute and pink, and their eyes are closed. Yeah, it was like wet tail, I think, is the disease. I think that's what it was called. Yeah.

It turned out she had, yeah. I don't remember where we got her. Pet store or some shit. Yeah. I don't know any of those pets. I don't know. I'm not a pet guy as it is. I'm looking up an article about it

and it just says that like, especially in first time mothers, stress and fear associated with rearing the babies can be too much to handle. I get it. So she just kills them all. Jesus. I don't know if that's right,

but that's what this article says. That's hamsters? Yeah, it's specifically about hamsters. It happens a lot with animals. Dogs, cats, they kill their babies. They eat them sometimes. The most fucked up one is bears. Because bears, they'll go into dens looking for babies.

Other babies for other animals. Oh, yeah, well, the predators. You watch those predator shows where a bunch of fucking hyenas, they're always looking for a baby antelope. Yeah, but baby bears. Bears eat bears. Oh baby bears like bears eat bears oh bears eat bears yeah cannibals they eat little cubs oh eat the shit out of them oh no that's sad and bear death seems pretty horrific i never even saw that movie uh the revenant

no uh no uh the revenant where like the parents the most brutal scene that's the fake one you gotta see grizzly man they have the video from getting eaten though no no no grizzly man is just disappears a gay guy that moves to alaska to uh to save the bears and one of them eats him and his girlfriend it is a crazy film yeah it's a werner herzog documentary it's unintentional comedy i mean it's i think the way it's edited he had to know there's a certain points in time where it's like obvious comedic timing the way he edited it seemed like a lot of it was tongue-in-cheek but it's about a really crazy guy timothy treadwell who was lived with the bears for like hundreds and hundreds of days yeah and had all this video footage of him like really close to big giant grizzly bears yeah i know the story and it was like uh eventually ate him yeah it became a sort of a meme they'll do

that eventually you're gonna run into a bear that's like yeah you know what they'll eat the fuck out of you dude yeah it's a great documentary i'd love to watch it i um bears eat their cubs there's uh there's video of there's maybe a guy like a russian zoo who jumps into the bear cage and there's just video of this bear eating this man and it's just it looks it looks every bit like the most horrible thing in the world. That is the way that I don't want to go. People always talk about how would you want to go. It's like I know how I don't want to go is being eaten alive by a bear. Because they will eat your guts first.

You'll still be alive. They'll be tearing your guts apart. They're so big. Like a grizzly bear. We don't even understand how big that is. It's like a 900-ly a grizzly bear it's we we don't even understand how big that is it's like a 900 pound super dog you know not imagine a 900 pound dog that wants to kill you that's a bear i get very scared because you you know i know you run with your dog in the hills have you uh gotta look out for cats yeah like cougars and shit have you had to deal with any of that shit no i always run

with a knife though just in case you heard the story about the guy because it was the rumor a couple years ago about how you choked out a cougar or whatever it was like a mountain lion and that was the guy who did it in colorado yeah he killed one yeah i was a baby yeah brian callan and brendan shaw were shitting all over that guy they called it a long time a baby killer. They called it a long time ago. Didn't they? They called it like Rinella was saying he was 85 pounds and I was saying, I heard he was 85 pounds. And then Jamie Googled it

and he found 35 pounds. And I was like, whoa, that's not as impressive. And then now they're saying it was like a baby. It still fucked him up though. The cat's still like, he was still fucked up. Got a shot in.

Isn't it crazy that a baby cat would think that he could kill a grown person? Imagine being something that cocky, like you with your face, running up to like a giraffe and going, oh, I got this fucking thing. I'm just going to jump on this motherfucker. I could kill a giraffe.

You think so? I don't think you could. You don't think so? Oh, Jesus Christ. That's it. This bear's just mauling this guy. Did it kill him? That was Khabib's former training partner.

Oh, Jesus Christ. It doesn't always go well in a vet camp. Oh my God, it's tearing him apart. Okay, stop, Jamie. Stop this. Did the guy die? Must have. Yeah, that doesn't look

like it's going to end well. He lived. What? Oh my God. Bear's probably never killed anything before. Probably just been eating meat that they gave it to.

He's probably, what do I do with you? He's just bad at killing, so he's just doing it longer and more painfully. It's like being stabbed with a butter knife. He said his condition yesterday was said to be comfortable.

Oh. He had severe head and leg injuries. Yeah. But he's got a story. Now he'll go on tour. Yeah. It's a bad ass. I'll get some pussy off that story.

You think so? Yeah. Some girls. Yeah. Yeah. If a bear attack happens, this guy's prepared. He's already been through it. He's not going to freeze in his tracks.

If Burt Kreischer had that story, that'd be a whole other fucking special. It would be. Another 45 minutes. The machine versus the bear? Yeah. The machine versus the bear. I can see it now. He might have to write something for you.

Dude, we got to wrap this up. It's 3 p.m. That was fun. So tell people one more time where they can get your special. You can get it everywhere. iTunes, Google Play, Amazon And directly from our website GasDigitalNetwork.com And you are

Is it Gomez Comedy on Instagram? Gomez Comedy on Instagram Lucia Gomez on Twitter Yeah listen to the pods I got a few pods I did one with Bisping as well That's called Believe You Mute Right

Alright Beautiful Luis Always good brother My brother Thank you Thanks dude Bye everybody

That was fun dude That was man. Thanks. Good brother. My brother. Thank you. Thanks. Bye everybody. That's fine, dude.