The Joe Rogan Experience - #1279 - Jessimae Peluso

Episode Date: April 8, 2019

Jessimae Peluso is a stand-up comedian and television personality. Checkout her podcast called "Sharp Tongue" available on Spotify.

last chance for romance here otherwise we're just gonna film and then put it up is it live really i centered my chi i centered you made it happen we've been having problems with our tri caster doesn't want to try it's like not today every third show it don't i'm tired it won't go live i centered the chi though i sent the energy Dude you made it happen I did This is a rare Wake and bake day I know I don't do this You don't?

No No I get shit done first usually Can you not get shit done When you wake and bake? I kinda Fuck off things If I get If I get high

At nine o'clock in the morning I'm like What's important really? I get stuff done Really? Yeah I have like You know I'll do like my cup of coffee in a joint and I'll get some stuff done. I joke that it's like, it makes me super motivated to do not a goddamn thing, but I get stuff done.

I mean, all the stuff I get done is I like vacuum seven times. I cleaned my apartment like four times the other day. That's a meth thing. You sure someone's not slipping meth into your meat? I mean, come on. Let's not put all the rumors out there now, but you any eddie bravo used to say that about girls like he would if he was dating because eddie used to work at a strip club and he dated a lot of the gals that were performers there and he said you really know when a girl's a meth head because you go over her house it's

always clean she's always clean and they can never clean enough maybe i'm a method or just a virgo apparently it's speed freaks not method i head. I'm sorry, speed freaks. When people are on speed. Maybe coffee is the thing that does that to me and then I just get focused from the weed. There's not one ounce of dog hair in my house. Really? Keep that shit fresh. That's crazy.

You have like 50 dogs. You're a crazy dog lady. I do. I have three dogs. Wait, don't you have like a pack of chicken in your backyard? Dude, I used to. What happened to them? Coyotes got them all.

I thought you were up with the bow and arrow. No, we had an issue where our chicken coop burnt to the ground. Oh, fuck. During those fires? Yeah. You lost your ladies? No, we didn't. They managed to fly out and they were in the yard.

We lost two of them because we couldn't round them up to get them into the chicken pen. Because we got a new chicken pen, but it wasn't as big. They were too good for it? And then coyotes ate those two. And then they realized that they're all in this one pen. And one day when we were gone, they opened it up and got in and killed all nine of them. How'd they open them up? They pulled it apart with their teeth.

Yo, dogs are, listen, even domestic ones. Domestic dogs. They're smart. The difference between a coyote and a domestic dog is like the difference between a hardened criminal on death row and a baby. No, you're 100% right. It's the experience and what you had to do to survive. All they have done is survive.

Yeah, and murder. They don't have a house. No one's feeding them food. I mean, they're fucking little wolves. Yeah, and it's like literally doggy dog world out there yeah what was the gentleman dan um coyote america the the author god damn it was he like a dude who lived amongst the wolves yes dan flores no he's a wildlife biologist and a historian yeah he was talking about the history of coyotes and wolves in north america apparently all wild dog species came from north america even like jackals yeah shit like that like they made it across over there somehow like during the pangeas period or

what do you call me pangea do you know what that is it's an era no yeah it's well when they think that all of the uh continents were connected together oh yeah we were one we were one flat earth then it was one flat table i think it was flat no no it's obviously not a giant chunk and then the rest was water and then it spread out which is fucking weird that is weird happening how did that and like also is that happening on our insides on like it's obviously on a cellular level everything's just splitting and being torn the fuck apart there it is here's the the modern pangea map this is modern well i think the modern uh country separations and all that because oh this is what it looked like then i thought this is there's more i was gonna say is that south america what is that i thought this was, there's morons out there. I was going to say, is that South America? What is that?

I thought there was some knuckleheads that thought that. Is that really all of the continents together? Whoa. It shows you how much goddamn water there is. So much water. That's a mind fuck. Yeah. Because you really like to think that we're all dirt and not as much water.

It's so much water. It's all water. It's like a little speck in a huge ass ocean. That's what's really crazy. It's those ground dwelling motherfuckers that figured out how to sock all the fish out of that water. It's like a little speck in a huge-ass ocean. That's what's really crazy is those ground-dwelling motherfuckers have figured out how to suck all the fish out of that water. I know! It's crazy! Just to be able to get those suckers out.

All of them. Sometimes with your bare hands. And then they were like, yo, we need something. We need a smaller situation. I think until they came up with nets and stuff like that, I don't think they were real effective. I think they just got what they got and they ate that But the populations were fine But in the last, whatever, 150 years

They've been using nets They just jacked that whole ocean What do you think happened to the dude who figured out the hook He probably got all the pussy in town The dude who hooked the fish He was getting all those fishies He was getting the ones that were way deep The kind of pussy that you would get

Back when you invented a hook, you don't want it. But now, in your modern mind, you don't. But back then, you're like, yo, this is fresh. Fresh? It only smells like must and dead rat. Didn't you become African American?

Something's happening to you. Waking bacon is taking you to another another level it takes you to another level for sure yeah i get back to my roots let's guess how long ago do you think they invented the fishhark did they even know i'm gonna say it's a really old invention super old it's like arrowhead time period yeah exactly to like native native to like Native Pre-Native Americans Those bitches would just break If you think about a big fish Hooking like a little thin

What would they make it out of? Bone probably? Must be bone Maybe bone Stone would be too heavy A shit would just sink and Well it would also break Yeah it wouldn't be able to hook it well

Yeah It must have been bone I bet it was bone Yeah But bones get brittle Especially after like You know They're off the body

And they start to Calcify and all that How old do you think it is? It's gotta be really old Juniper wood it says Juniper wood was the first one Oh wow 22

23,000 years ago Jesus Christ There it is Norwegians Yeah Those vikings they were made from sea snail shells oh that's pretty crazy there's a bunch of information i'll put together in okinawa island dated between 22 380 and 22 770 isn't that crazy that they get it that close

they're basically in an inner you know give or take 80 90 years 100 years i don't know how can they even, is it carbon dating? I mean, that's the only thing I remember from high school. How do you even, how do you date it back? Is it like a forensic thing where they grab a fly and they're like, yeah, this was six years ago because of the juices on the wings.

I think it's, there's like a bunch of factors. Like one of them is the dirt that's around where they find it. Like if they find it on the ground and it's covered with dirt over hundreds and hundreds of years. They can take some of that dirt and- Test it? Yeah, they can test it.

And see what's in it? They're trying to test, I think- Whoa. That's crazy. I want those as earrings. Is that a fish hook? Yeah, I clicked the- That's out of the shelves?

Yo, those are fresh. Those are really nice. I would rock those would you yeah the comedy store oldest fish hook found in okinawa wow 23 000 years ago that's crazy and so they're saying that the oldest fish hook is linked to the norwegians i would say japanese this is okinawa yeah norwegian thing was saying that and up until the 1950s there were they were still using wood and oh i see it was just like a added fact yeah japanese makes sense i wonder if they all figured it out at the same time different spots in the world you know i'm wondering if it's one of those things like you know like they there's just some

weird thing who's that is that rupert sheldrake it's the morphic residence theory he's got this weird theory that i think the idea is that if some a rat learns a maze on the East Coast, rats on the West Coast will learn that maze quicker. How? They don't know. Collective consciousness amongst the rats? As weird as it sounds, there might be some sort of strange connection that all rats share. And not just all rats, but all living beings. all living beings his argument was that if this is demonstrable with a rat in a maze that if they did something like uh with human beings if they could figure out a way to uh to prove this that's

likely what's happening is that like he was he brought up a bunch of different factors like inventions that are simultaneously taking place like all over the world like what that's strange yeah you should attribute Some of that to education Right Yeah definitely education What's going on Like the trends That are happening

In education But like But they also think There might be something else Going on underneath the surface Like on a different realm Like if you learn If we're all a species

And you're on one side Of the world You learn something The people on the other side Of the world Have like greater access to it In some weird way That's really bizarre Yeah I don't That freaks me out that's like matrixy

shit right there but it's also unprovable and you bring it up to real scientists they get upset with you but what's interesting though is the map the map thing the maze thing with mice and rats because i think that's see if that's been proven i'm pretty sure it has been that if you show a maze to a rat on one side of the country, they learn it quicker on the other side. I don't understand how that can even be a thing. Well, there's another one that's really interesting, but I don't know how much of this is just because they didn't observe it before. But they've noticed that apes are starting to use tools. Like cell phones to text each other?

No, not that yet. Weren't monkeys Using tools To blow horns To get on top of No but apparently They use tools Like to get

Like they'll stick Sticks into Ant hills To get ants But they also use Rocks to break Things open Weren't monkeys

Doing that before I would imagine Apes would follow suit I think they've What they're saying Is they're saying Offic officially that they've entered into the stone age oh boy so like if we are watching if you saw a human evolve from being a person that you know what we whatever the fuck we used to look like when they first figured out fish hooks grunting to today you know there's many many generations of change and all all sorts of

different shit that we learned that we are watching literally the birth of that separation between like the regular chimps that are just chilling in the forest to the chimps that are starting to figure out tools and weapons right like the first day we see a chimp make a fucking spear like a spear sharpen it up and stab another chimp to death. Planet of the Apes. Yeah. So you're saying chimps are becoming woke? Is that what's happening? I think chimps.

Like they're becoming enlightened and smarter? I don't think just chimps. There was one with an orangutan. It was amazing. Wow. An orangutan was spearfishing. No. Oh, dude, you got to see it.

It's crazy. That's a nightmare. I mean, it's really cool, but like. It's a beautiful photo. They're just going to be walking down the highway with a briefcase soon? I don't think it's going to be there. That's freaky, man. That freaks me out.

But it is... So we're witnessing evolution. They're learning things. And this one, I think their issue was that this orangutan had watched fishermen do this. So he had apparently watched some fishermen stand on a ledge and stab fish. So he decided to try to figure it out himself. That makes sense. I mean, that's how all creatures essentially,

I mean, puppies, kittens, they all learn. It's just it's to a limit. They don't get past that sort of being able to use tools. Did you get that picture? That's wild. It was bringing up video, too, so I thought there might have been a video of it. My dog opened his dog food container when I was gone.

Damn. A twist I don't know how he did it I gotta get a camera But I came home and that top was twisted off And his belly was like Look at that picture The orangutan spear fishing

I mean that's crazy If you saw that in a movie you would say that is fake That is so That looks like a still from Jungle Book. It's amazing. It's an amazing photo. We should get that photo framed. Jamie, get a copy of that photo and let's do that.

That's really cool. Frame that fucker. You should get that framed. I talk about this picture all the time. That is so wild. It's so fascinating. It really looks like the Jungle Book. Have you ever had your 23andMe done?

I don't want to know. I thought about it, but how accurate is it? What's with the science? You're just going to trust a piece of paper that comes back? I want to go to the lab and see who's doing this. How do you know you're not just getting some like you know general packet that they're sending back to you how do you know why would they do that because they got your money why would anyone do anything why are motherfuckers throwing fits in grocery stores people are crazy

you know we're talking about if you get high yeah you get a little bit just a little bit psychotic like there's something yeah something happens yeah and you really do like entering the world of schizophrenia yeah you just did it how do i know this science is good yeah yeah i did it and what did it say all kinds of stuff mostly stuff i knew that i'm mostly italian and irish but they put irish and english together which I thought was interesting. I have 1.6% African, 57% more Neanderthal traits than the average person. I could have told you that. I could have told you. Without even the blood work. I saw the paperwork, and I'm like, ah, figures.

I knew. I knew there was something wrong. Look at that. Look at that face. Look at that head. You're definitely Neanderthal. You're a link that's missing, for sure. No, it's just Italians in general and don't be

angry at my italian people because i'm sicilian we're strange monkey folk right that should be your next special title so this is so when i was in italy we had uh cab drivers and the cab drivers would like stick their head out the window, stare at someone's ass, like, look at this, I'm not on, to slow down and speed up. I was like, look at these fucking guys. They are smooth. But it's just, they're savage.

And then I thought about it, I was like, well, of course they are. They used to be the Romans. Yeah, they conquered everyone. You imagine how gross life must have been like back then with people gross it's gross now but it's really gross then without plumbing and i will say your toilet seats are the warmest i've ever sat on thank you very much so it compared from here to the roman era yeah nasty yeah what did they do they they their oil their shit though went through the streets right oh yeah part of the problem That's why everybody was infected and sick.

I mean, there's no system. They probably used mulch, you know, maybe like fertilizer to pour over it, but that was it. You know what I bet it was like? It was like people who throw their cigarette butts in the ground, like, someone will clean it. Yeah, someone else will clean it. Some little, you know, some little hand will grab it. Some little poor kid. But, I mean mean There's no perspective

They were just in their own little Yeah they didn't know They didn't know They thought they were living As sophisticated as anybody That ever did Dude can you What is this

They're shitholes Is that where you shat in That's a shathole And you're around a bunch Of other people shatting Gross Hello That looks like those things

You put in your toes And you get a manic A pedicure That's what that little thing Looks like Spread your toes apart Yeah Do you think that those folks

Had like curtains in between Them when they shot Nah Are you kidding me Look at that corner seat No The one upper Yeah right there

How about that one Knees touching Everybody's touching Shit Yeah They were all They were all just in it Having a conversation

Talking about the latest Gladiator sports Yeah Can you believe the tiger got him I don't know why he sounds like that When we were there They were talking about the front rows The front rows where all the rich people sat To watch the coliseum

And that was when if a tiger did get out That's where they usually got to those people And killed a bunch of them That's ironic Just there to get a front row seat And then nature's like c cacao, gotcha. Look at these guys. Look at that.

They're all jerking each other off. Oh my God, they're shitting in sandals. Of course. They did everything in sandals. Who's the guy with the satchel all the way on the left? That's Plato. Okay. He's covering his cock.

Did you get it? Okay, yeah, I get it. There's a dog shitting in the hole. Oh, I bet that's not true. I bet dogs didn't shit in the hole. Look at that. Oh, there's shit on the floor. Shit on the...

That is so gross. Is that really what they were like? What are these spoons for? Eating shit. Scooping the poop out of your butt? With spoons too. In case it gets clogged. Oh, probably scoop the water out.

This is a disgusting fact. I'm going to pull it up. You probably would scoop out the water. Oh, boy. Who's this guy? Some guy with a video on disgusting things with poop.

Yeah, you guys have the nicest toilet here ever. I can't imagine. I mean, what was sex like back then? Even though they were in their own era and their perspective

is limited because of, you know, just where they're at, it still must have been gross. This guy had to be disgusting. They must have smelled terrible. There was no soap. There's no soap.

Well. There's no, no, well, they must have had soap at one point. They must have had soap. It was no soap. There's no soap. Well. There's no. No. Well, they must have had soap at one point. They must have had soap. It was like, you know, it just wasn't as fancy as our soaps. Yeah. There's no deodorant. No deodorant.

It was just oils and water. What is going on here, Jamie? I don't. Are they holding hands? Are they holding hands? Or they're sharing that spoon thing. I can't tell what the fuck a spoon is. What is the spoon?

That guy looks like he's in a real moment. I don't know if that's what they wipe with or if they pour water on it. That looks like little Dickie and Cosby. Here's the other thing, too. Why not be a little further apart, boys? Yeah, why are they so close? Hey, fellow with the robe. How about you scoot over?

There's a couple extra stalls. I'm going to share that spoon. You don't want to be reaching. Maybe he was all the way over. Are you pouring that spoon on your butt to break things loose? He was down a couple seats But homie needed a hand to hold I think what that was

Is they would take that spoon And they would wash their hands They'd use their hand to wash their butt That's so barbaric man That's why I think you're not supposed to shake hands With your left hand in some cultures I think to this day Because that's your butt wiping hand

Yeah So you would take the water You'd pour it in your hand If I had to guess Then you'd l's your butt wipe in hand? Yeah, yeah. So you would take the water, you'd pour it in your hand. If I had to guess, then you'd lather your butthole. That's disgusting. I mean, why not grab a leaf? Those fuckers were wearing leafs anyways as outfits. I don't think they were wearing leafs at that point in time.

A couple dudes were wearing around in a leaf shirt and a leaf outfit. I think the leafs are something they added to those Roman statues when people got... Mad about the peonies? They got a little weird. They got a little modest. They got a little modest. They were sensitive. They were modest then without any plumbing. Well, I think they just decided that

dicks were bad somewhere along the line. I decided that a long time ago. So they had a sponge on the end of a stick. They would wipe them. Oh, that sounds great. So you shared a sponge? You would share it i think so no a communal butt sponge oh man dunk in that water no no no not a communal butt sponge since

we got these toilets that actually clean your butt with warm water when you press a button it's the nicest but it's also the cleanest like what are we doing smearing shit around all you're doing is doing smearing shit around? All you're doing is like smearing some of it off. Everywhere. On your face, on the handles. If shit came out of your nose, would you be comfortable just smearing it like that and just give it a good wipe? Are we in Rome or are we in, you know?

Like right now. Ventura, California. Yeah. No, I'm a very clean person. I wet nap that bunghole whenever I can all day long. Keep it crisp. Good move. Keep it crisp and clean.

Do you think that you would use one of those toilet things? Hell no. You wouldn't? Absolutely not. You'd see me crapping in the woods. No, no. I mean this one. The one we have.

Oh, are you kidding me? That's the most luxurious pee I've ever taken in my life. Congratulations. There was like a remote control. Yeah. That's like the upper echelon Of society crap Right there It's very fancy It's not that expensive

Really No it's not I mean for what it does It's like very very valuable At first I was confused Because there was a couple seats What is it a bondel What's it called

Brondel Brondel Yeah Give them some love I think they gave it to us For free too There's a remote there too With a bunch of settings.

Brondle? Yeah. It's a very nice toilet. And that's like a model from many years ago. They had it nailed. They had it nailed like, oh, no, no. These are recent. These are ones that we bought when we got the studio, right?

Yeah. It wasn't too hot, either. It didn't feel like someone was just sitting there. You ever have that experience where it's like, oh, there's a butt just here? Right. There's a pleasure that you don't want. You don't want to feel good. I'd rather see the uninviting and cold.

I don't want to stay here. All the bacteria is gone since it's abandoned. All the crabs. Do you, do you like only crap in certain places or where you go like, cause on the road you travel a lot. Like you just got to go and you got to go. You got to do what you got to do. Do you do what you got to do?

Yeah. I'm not scared to take a shit. You're not discriminating? In public. No. But not even just being Joe Roggan and like being next to the person who's like what are you gonna do i heard just shitting yeah have you seen the bathrooms like at venice beach though are you going in there i had to once are these public toilets oh see whenever you deal then that smell of homeless. Yeah, there's a. That wino pee smell. That's Rome. That is Rome.

There's a thing where you got piss soaked clothes that people have been wearing forever. You know that super ripe, pungent, homeless, crazy person smell? It's the most thick smell ever. It's a weird smell. But then you get used to it. Because it's really similar. But it's real similar. Like, this is what, when you you get it's usually a person that's

got mental illness and they piss themselves or shit themselves and they get this really deep horrible odor to them and then they don't even know but it's so similar it is similar it's like same it's like the same smell like bo like really bad bo is almost always the same kind of smell you've been to a fish concert, right? Oh, Jesus. Because the fish concerts are all BO. First of all, that's the main reason why I've never been to a fish concert. That sounds like it smells terrible.

I would imagine. Yeah. We're just using salt rocks to clean our pits. We found out that modern industrialized deodorant is really just a plot. It's just a plot. You know what else? Furthermore, to your point, they really abuse the chemicals and the ingredients. industrialized deodorant is really just a plot it's just a plot you know what else like furthermore to your point they really abuse the chemicals and the ingredients so this is like cruelty free

free yeah like nobody's like offended while they make the product yeah you either get it all natural which is like rocks have you ever seen those they're like mineral rocks you're supposed to use those they don't work for shit they just make you smell like a salty homeless person yeah what is the salt in your pits work is that what people do you know what works what if you don't have a deodorant or anything lemon citrus it's a you know antibacterial natural no shit yeah that makes sense spritz some oregano oil on that that's also antimicrobial Natural Antiseptic Eucalyptus oil Yeah

Put some oil Some mint Don't put the mint In your nether regions Though that might hurt Might hurt the cooch cooch Might burn the kitty I use

A soap called Defense soap It's all made with Natural oils Yeah that's the best It's designed for grapplers Cause grapplers get Like skin

Like scratches And infections And a lot of ringworm and shit Gross Have you had ringworm? Oh a bunch of times What? Yeah I've had ringworm I've had staph twice

And I had ringworm I think three times Isn't that basically when you like More than three times Because I've had it on my feet It's basically the same thing You poke your finger and poop and scratch right? That's science You are a doctor clearly what the fuck is wrong with you ringworm like from like it's uh poop bacteria i don't think so um i think ringworm is just a

parasite and it's what happens is it gets through, I think it gets through broken skin or scratched skin. And then it forms this weird ring, like a bullseye. Dude. It's really fucking gross. I can't deal with it. It shows the monsters inside of me. I don't want to know. Someone sent me a link.

It was Josh Wolf sent me a link about the little mites that are in your eyelashes. I don't want to fucking know. Jesus Christ. I can't even handle people in their cars in the 405 i don't want to know about fucking mites in my eyelashes imagine if you could just see on the 405 as you're driving how many people have lice if there's like lights on the cars there should be that's the future that's what we need i don't want to know your followers i want to know how many lices you have in your fucking neck this is a weird one because lice is around when i was a kid but it's not around first of all i can't get it anymore

thank you i know you're you're you're immune i'm lice free you're impervious to lice but when i was a kid um i was like when are they gonna figure this lice thing out because apparently adults don't get it so one thing in this what the fuck no well it's hardly ever have those last time you had your hair checked for lice well i'm not hanging out napping in a kindergarten where children are riddled with it. But if I did... That's the thing. How are the kids getting it? Because they're rolling around going head to head talking about, you know...

There's got to be patient zero. What the fuck's going on with patient zero? Who's patient zero? Some little kid. Probably some rich kid whose parents neglect him and he's had him in there for a long time. Yeah. He's got rich lice. Rice.

You think that's funny marijuana it really does it does it's kind of a it's an amazing it's amazing medicine for your brain it's super weird when you're not high and you're watching people that are and you're like this this seems unattractive is that what's happening right now? No, we're both high. All three of us. Oh, that's right. Jamie's high, too. Jamie, he's, yeah, he's very irresponsible. Are those oven mitts on your shirt, Jamie?

Oh, that makes me want, like, a grilled cheese sandwich. I don't know why. Yeah. What is that? Johnny Cupcakes. Oh, cool. Wouldn't it be amazing if grilled cheese sandwiches were super good for you? Oh, God, it's my one thing that I just, it's my food.

Like the one thing. French fries. Imagine if French fries were the shit. It's like, they found out that it actually turns your age back. Sweet potato fries do? Is that like a trick? Does that work? Yeah.

Because it's the fry part that's the worst. If you just had the sweet potato fries, bake them, you're good. It's not as bad. I don't, I think it depends on What kind of oil You cook it under But I think whenever you Cook anything in hot oil There's something about The way the oil breaks down

That your body's like What the fuck is this I think it gets carcinogenic Doesn't it I don't know But I like when you Use big words I like when you pretend

You're a doctor again Cancer carcinogen Imagine this is your doctor Doctor's like Hey doc Listen Do you think I should Eat your doctor doctor's like hey listen do you think i should uh eat french fries doctor's like i think it's carcinogenic right god damn this health plan fuck you obama fuck your singer pay care you know what you can't afford health care come over my house i'll let you know if you're carcinogenic or not there's something real gross about people that are like you know get better health care go get better health care yeah

like it's just readily available but that's one of the grossest ones when you don't you don't feel for fellow citizens in our community that don't have health care i know i've i didn't have health care forever i just got it a week ago yo i got it a week ago and i booked all the appointments did you everything i got the kitty cat checked Got the teeth checked Nice Eyes Were you worried about the teeth?

Did you ever have the feeling Like you have a cavity Like a phantom cavity Like shit Yeah Why does my tooth hurt? Do I have a fucking cavity? I definitely did

My teeth were like crevasses Oh did you have a bunch of cavities in there? Yeah She filled me like four times Were you eating candy? Cause I haven't been Cause healthcare is ridiculous Were you eating candy? No I wasn't eating candy candy are you getting all these holes in your face i

don't know i think like you know changes in my life maybe i got ringworm from you yeah um little kids get it all the time they do oh dude because they're rolling in dirt i'm gonna blow your way blow your mind away okay hookworm is was super common in the south and it literally diminishes your capacity for thinking so like the idea of like a slack-jawed southern dumb person theo no i'm sorry i didn't know she was gonna do that i would never have her on bro you know i love you i love you theo no not theo but maybe people theo knows his relatives if you had to say that theo vaughn voice like maybe a few people that i know yes yeah yeah they were all hookworm uh victims what so how do you get hookworm walking around around barefoot. Oh, I mean, there's just too many opportunities to get these worms in your body.

Oh, for sure. It's so gross. Like when you see dudes who go to like some foreign country and they get scratched and they come back and a bot flies going out of their head. And their belly flying out. A kid just died recently in India. I think it was India. He got a infection. he was having headaches and it turns out

worms from pig feces had they had made it all the way up into his brain and they were making cysts all throughout his brain oh god yeah they said it was bad, they couldn't even give him deworming medication. Because if they did, they were worried his brain would start bleeding. And that, you know, he would suffer from a stroke. What? I am not going to sleep tonight. All this worm talk. That's terrible.

Cysticerosis. Pull those pictures up. They have pictures of the dude's brain. And it's just like filled with cysts Oh god Why are we looking at that Because we're high and it's like 10 in the morning Oh you know what I was saying before

I forgot to bring my fanny pack You gave me one of your fanny packs And I travel with that everywhere Thank you very much I'm glad you enjoy it I'm trying to spread the word People think I'm joking this is my fanny pack I have the same one and a couple people have talked some shit and I was like, you better step back.

Step back. Step back. I've got my pharmacy in there. I've got my whole thing so I can be a doctor on the road. Oh, do you have a stethoscope? I got a scalpel. What's that? He complained of having pain in his groin and swelling in his eye and then they found out he had cysts all over

his brain. I mean, I have pain in my groin every week. Look at his brain. On the right, I'm assuming, is the result. Both of them. It's different views. They're both different views. Those little holes are all cysts inside his brain. Yeah, his brain is literally imploding.

All those little spots, those little white spots, those are all little cysts inside his brain. That must have been painful. Fucking pure agony. It must be pure agony. And this was in India, you said? What country was this? I believe so.

Man. Was it India? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck that. Fuck that. And just imagine people having not the access to healthcare in this country, but at least were a little bit modernized. Yeah. being in one of those countries and being poor you're fucked yeah you

really are you're so fucked by swallowing microscopic eggs passed in the feces of a person who has intestinal pork tapeworm bye never going to brunch again but think about that's not even just pork tapeworm it's the eggs in the shit Of a person who has the tapeworm Did you see what Oh god Jesus Christ Holy hell

And it's getting in your mouth from shit I'm glad I smoked a joint before this shit I am in a pure panic attack Yeah Don't eat ass in India Unless that person is on anti-tapeworm medication Also never eat ass again I mean this is a PSA for anti-tapeworm medication. Also, never eat ass again.

I mean, this is a PSA for anti-ass eating. It is. I told you I had E. coli a few weeks ago. That was my life. What were you saying, Jamie? There's been a change in the way that the pork industry is going to be doing inspections. The government's going to stop doing it, apparently, as of early May. And the industry is now taking over.

Oh, that'll be very fair. That's just... That's exactly what you want. This is one of those things where people that are all in favor of deregulating everything, you need to understand, shit like this happens. If these people cut corners, and we know people have cut corners before, maybe it's not all of them. Maybe most of them are going to be great. People are going to die. People are going to die.

People are going to get sick. They're going to get E. coli. They're going to get all sorts of fucked up things. 40% and replacing them with plant employees. Oh my God. Cutting the number of federal inspectors by about 40%. That is such a bad idea. Well, it looks like America and everywhere is going to get a whole bunch of hookworms.

This is like having the mafia police the streets. This is like taking away establishments. There would be no limits on slaughter line speeds that is so gross no one's trying to make it quicker pork is a weird one pork is a weird one it's too risky man it's way too risky no not even that i mean they're they're fucking smart yeah it's one of the one of the weird things they're like smart like a dog they're like a five-year-old aren't they they're maybe not your kid like a five wow wow shots fired wow five-year-old of a doctor a real doctor fired right into my

reproductive heart i mean your five-year-old would be like what do you think he'd be like stoner rude rude a good point b rude c you're probably right I'm sure you'd have a great five-year-old. My kid would be chill. You know what? He wouldn't be beating up your kid. He'd be very nice. You'd be surprised. My parents are hippies. I know. It's true. I do know that. Yeah. My mom's a super hippie, so is my stepdad. But eating pig is weird because they are a very intelligent creature.

But here's the other weird part about it. You've got to kill them because they breed like crazy. And in the wild, they go nuts. They're everywhere in the wild. Their tusks grow very fast. They become very barbaric. Those are tusks. Oh, my. See that little tray right here?

Yeah. Are those pigs? They look like... That's a wild boar tusk. Whoa. That's from my friend Adam Greentree. He killed that in Australia. They have a problem with him in Australia too

Wow It's wild how hollow it is But it's so strong even still Yeah, that's a big ass hook We should go fishing with this and see what we can catch Fuck up a whale with that Yeah, we would We could definitely catch like a humpback or something with this puppy

It's a weird thing Their teeth are shaped like these weird swords That is crazy. And they grow so fast. If you release a pig, these things pop out in a couple months. Yeah, they start popping out. That's wild. Yeah, they start changing when they're not taken care of. It's like,

remember that movie with Howie Mandel, Walk Like a Man? Do you remember that? Kind of vaguely. He was raised by wolves or something. That's kind of almost the equivalent of him coming back to society as releasing a pig and it becoming wild. Not that I'm calling Howie Mandel a pig, but he's a nice person. He's the opposite of a pig.

Very nice gentleman. But he's also like a super clean freak. He's not getting ringworm or hookworm. No. He's not getting any of the worms. But he might because he like washes his hands a lot. Too much? Yeah.

You can do too much and you kill your skin flora. Yeah, you fuck up your fauna and flora. You get the imbalance going. What's going on here? What are you showing us? Oh, walk like a man. There's Howie Mandel. Wow.

Howie Mandel. He's like a dog man? Is that the idea? He was raised by creatures in the wild. And this lady, because women, especially a white lady, is trying to save him. She wants to save him and do good for him. And so he's just trying to acclimate to society.

So strange. Great stoner movie, by the way. What year do you think this was? 89? 87. 87? Yeah, I remember this movie. Howie Mandel's been around for a minute.

He's been around and he looks younger now than he did then. Dudes, you fucking dudes Maybe it's washing your hair, maybe it's a good move Washing your hands Oh, washing your hands Yeah, it probably is a good move You can't be too clean though We're very clean in this society

We can't handle natural bacterias that exist in nature It fucks us up We're going to end up just murdering ourselves Because of how clean we are I think us up. We're going to end up just murdering ourselves because of how clean we are. I think much more likely we're going to develop resistant strains of bacteria that are murderous.

We already have those. Because we're cleaning everything. There's a new one that they just... Did you see that thing? That flu virus that's like... That article? There's an article that just came out about some mysterious infection

that's been murking people. That's because we're too clean. We should bring back the Roman toilets just to level it all out a bit. infectious infection that's been murking people that's because we're too clean we keep we should have we should bring back the roman toilets just to level it all out a bit have a couple of them sprinkled around i don't think that's a good just a couple of them you know like maybe one in a park what's the difference between those in a porta potty if you like work on a construction site i can't hold a hand in a porta potty do you ever go to like a music festival fuck no and use one of them in the when you shit that blue liquid.

I'm not doing that. That's a low point. I'm not doing that so I can get that worm that Theo's cousins have. I'm not doing that shit. Don't do it barefoot. What are you showing me, Jamie? What festival are people at that aren't barefoot? That's what everyone does.

Candida Auras, the deadly fungal infection resistant to treatment. That's what it's called. That sounds bad. Candida Auras. Sounds's what it's called. That sounds bad. Or it sounds like a new solar system. Unstoppable fungus killing the world's banana supply. Man addicted to sniffing his socks. Separately.

You gotta click that. Man addicted to sniffing his socks develops severe fungal lung infection. Oh shit. That is sniffing socks develop severe fungal lung infection oh my god this is that is not real this can't be real this is like stoner news here's another link socks aren't sexual says kiwi school girl you fall down a clickbait click hole real quick so who's writing these like gary bucey who's writing these headlines this how about what tim pool told me ready for this you know those clickbait sites where you go to and it's like uh you won't believe what she looks

like now and then you click on that and then you go to another one and just like never ending click click click click they get they gather up all these clicks like if they have a site that's responsible for like 400 000 unique clicks a day if they have something like that right they sell it to another company those clicks another company attaches those clicks to their site and says we get a hundred thousand unique views a day they don't so they're not real they're just bought their clicks you can buy clicks dude what world are we in right now? Buying clicks? I don't have time. I don't have time.

Please find out if that's true. I think it is. It sounds about right. I know what he's saying. Tim Pool doesn't lie. He's, and I know a lot of people right now are like, what? I believe it. The haters.

It's the same thing as. Everybody lies. People buying likes. People have done that. Or like followers. It's the same. Yeah, well, they definitely do that. Internet that internet there's a way to do that people get busted because like they don't have any interactions like so they'll put up something and like i put up a video and the video gets like a thousand views but they have like a million followers yeah that doesn't

make sense there's no that that doesn't make any sense when the engagement doesn't match up with i watch the people all kinds of dumb shit the amount of time that i've wasted watching people's internet videos so it's uh those little instagram videos they make yeah talking about their morning the thing you posted today about the the florida headline oh my god that was some that was like the florida headline for sure that was like what you said in the caption that was legit yeah i was um i'm writing this bit about exotic pets and uh when i'm in the middle of this bit i just decided to start researching florida what what inspired you to write did something happen i'll tell you i don't want to do the bit right otherwise i'd have to it says a florida man tries to start naked fight club at chick-fil-A. A Florida man was arrested after he challenged

others to fight and to stare at his genitals outside a Chick-fil-A restaurant. What did Dan Bilzerian say? People from Florida just can't act right. Trust me. That's a good jab at himself. Points to Bilzerian for at least coming correct with that.

That's funny. That is a ridiculous headline. It's ridiculous. Also, where can I sign up? It with that. That's funny. That is a ridiculous headline. It's ridiculous. Also, where can I sign up? It sounds fun. It's like Game of Thrones for meth heads. Naked Fight Club? Yeah, why not? You want to go to watch

from like a neighboring parking lot with binoculars. Hell yeah. That's what you want to do. You want to tailgate that. You want to be far enough away so if they start running at you, balls out,

dicks swinging, just keep your engine running. Like those Florida zombies do. Yeah. Keep your car in park, engine running, and then use those binos. Absolutely. Is that you? No, I shut mine off.

Is that Jamie? Come on. How dare you, Jamie? I'm a professional, Jamie, with your oven mitt t-shirt, sir. There's got to be video of that, right? If someone was out at a Chick-fil-A naked, there's got to be cell phone video of that. If there's not video, that's a very depressing fact. There has to be some video.

Video of almost any kind of interaction like that now these days. People create interactions so that they can videotape them. Parents, man, they got to stop putting their kids on video. We got to stop. It's enough. You say that, but there's a little kid that's like six years old that reviews toys, and he makes $20 million a year. Oh, he's an all-time millionaire.

$20 million a year. Opening Disney toys. Just looking at toys. reviews toys and he makes 20 million dollars a year millionaire 20 million dollars a year opening disney toys just looking at toys someone give me 100 bucks i'll open up a box of you know toys i'll do it 100 beans that's it nobody wants to see you open up toys you're not a baby then i'm gonna find something else they want to see little cute kids i'll dress up in a in a diaper what how's this not gonna help oh fuck i gotta find another i gotta find another thing to make money you gotta find another angle yeah that kid he's making a lot of money gonna be the youtube toy guy there's a lady who does it with just her hands a grown woman what does she do with her

hands she opens things up same thing beautiful hands i don't know if they're beautiful i don't know if they're feet out and start using her that's what i gotta do yeah i'm gonna open children's toys with my feet. Is that weird? No. You should do it. You should do it and see which one gets better views. Do it with you with painted toenails and do it with you with kind of like neglected toenails.

Neglected toenails. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like little chips in your paint. You know, this is the thing about that. There's nothing sadder than a neglected toenail. You say that, but it's also kind of hot because it's the kind of chick that'll take some chances like she's like she doesn't even have her toenails in order she'll abandon wherever she lives she'll move with you across the country she's crawling through parking lots what's she doing enter into

a bank robbing scheme with you she's not taking care of herself she's got chipped toenails she puts people first that's a bitch who puts people first she just can't get it together some people just never quite get it together they try right yeah and then you see their toes and it's a reflection of their own downfalls they're their own worst enemy or they have a job yeah they're too busy too busy mom with a job and a couple of kids who's got time to do nails then unless you you know you're a rich wife yourself you gotta do them yourself that's the nail thing is interesting why is that because here's why because it's like a service thing that people love right they love going and getting pedicures and manicures the people that are into

that shit they love it they love dunking their feet in the thing and then they get to talk to each other but um they would never want to do that yeah it's one of those weird things it's like if you found out your mom was given strange dudes pedicures like that's our new gig you'd be like oh i'd be like mom we gotta go to the therapist what's going on well we'd say why do you why do you this job? Do you really want to clean people's feet? What about it brings you joy? Because if you need money, you might as well just slice mangoes on the side of the highway or something different. But isn't that weird?

That's one where people love getting it done, but to do it, you'd be like, bleh. Well, I get my nails done regularly. I love it. It's very relaxing. But yeah, it's that weird thing where, you know, saying this, it's like, it's one of those jobs that's worked by, you know, non-white people for the most part, which I think is interesting. Don't you think that's interesting?

As a woman who's got her nails done. Entry-level jobs for people that are first-generation immigrant. Like, what would happen realistically if all immigrants were moved from this country everyone's nails would look like shit and your clothes would look terrible they got rid of all the illegals every everybody who barely speaks english out restaurants would fall apart there'd be no delicious food there'd be no fun music there would be some fun music i mean some but like let's be honest bachata is a lot of fun the most fun music there's a lot, but like, let's be honest, but it does a lot of fun. The most fun music.

There's a lot of fun. Like, you know, wasn't their idea. Latino music. That's true. A lot of fun. Latino music.

That's true. Not many like songs in like our culture. Can you do one of these? And it fits, you know, especially at like a wedding, but yeah, everyone will be jacked up.

No good food. No, no nails. Do you like gypsy kings? I don't know if I know. I, that sounds very familiar. Put it on. Fuck. there some you can't oh it's right it's too expensive no no it's not we'll get this yanked from youtube oh that's right you can't put any music on put

anybody's you know i think i just somebody sent me a song of gypsy kings recently they've been around forever yeah it sounds familiar badass latino band and what i love is because i can't speak spanish so when they're singing it's just beautiful yeah like whatever they're saying it just sounds great it doesn't have any like i know there's emotion i can feel the guy's emotion when he's singing but i have no idea what he's saying so i don't i don't need to hear it i just love the sound of it yeah it is nice the language is like very melodic oh yeah like spanish italian those like latin based languages are very pretty to listen to there's like a musical flow like you ever hear people from brazil speak portuguese

i mean i flick a bean to it all the time that shit's meant that shit's sexy they have a way of talking there's an up and a down. It's like a little dance. Yeah, it is a little dance. And then people where I'm from, like Syracuse, it's like, hey, you guys want to go get a sandwich? It's like you just don't want us to talk. You know what it is? It's actually they're trying to keep people from breeding.

It's like in the places that suck the most, they have the shittiest accents because they're trying to make everyone disgusting. Well, I guess I'm not supposed to have a baby then. I'm telling you, they're trying To make everyone disgusting Well I guess I'm not supposed To have a baby then I'm telling you They're just trying To limit the numbers

They don't want Overpopulations In places that suck There's probably Some like Legitimacy To what you're saying Dude I'm a scientist

Absolutely You're a doctor I'm a doctor And you're a scientist Anybody who needs Some advice Just call us At 1-800-GOOD-LOOK

There's a New documentary By the guy who wrote Cocaine Cowboys He did Cocaine Cowboys Yeah And a bunch of other documentaries Billy Corb

Yep Billy Corb Corbin You got it I don't Why did I Choke on his lane Some water

Anyway Billy has a new documentary It's really warm Called Screwball Yeah It's all about Alex Rodriguez And the steroid scandal And one of the guys in it is a fake doctor

Who would wear a stethoscope around his neck Like he got his degree in some janky overseas university And it wasn't legal to practice medicine in the United States But he would call himself a doctor And he had like this stethoscope that he would wear. Out in public? Well, in his office. He'd walk around with a stethoscope around his neck,

like hanging around his neck. Like, just in case you've got to check your heart. Meanwhile, all he's doing is prescribing steroids. It was amazing. He's got a... Remember this kid that was walking around? He posed as a doctor and had multiple patients and got arrested like a year or two ago.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember this. It's in Florida. It's the same place. I guess it's in Florida, too. It must be pretty easy. Of course it's in Florida. Does his name say Malachi?

Yeah. That's a creepy name. That's like children of the corn. Right. How do you pronounce that name? Malachi. Malachi? Yeah.

That is ballsy. Wait a minute. That's not his real name. Malachi Love Robinson? Why not? Maybe. That sounds like a character from some sort of porno. There he is.

Dr. Malachi A. Love Robinson. Who's going to believe that? PhD. HHP-C. AMP-C. HPV-HIV. What are all those things? What are all those other things that he has?

Healthcare proxy, maybe? Some bullshit? AMP? I don't know what the hell. That sounds like a gas station in Kansas. Let's read his thing. Hold on a second. Dr. Malachi A. Love Robinson is a well-rounded professional that treats and cares for patients

using a system of practice that bases treatment on physiological functions and abnormal conditions on natural laws governing the human body that doesn't even that's a run-on nonsense sentence two a's you missed it hold on a second dr love robinson utilizes physiological psychological and mechanical methods such as air water light heat earth phototherapy food and herb therapy psychotherapy electrotherapy physiotherapy mechanotherapy naturopath corrections and manipulation and natural methods or modalities together with natural medicines natural processed foods and herbs and nature's remedies i don't know what you just said the only thing that was true about that was manipulation. But how is this guy, like, who read that and went, all right, we're in.

Yeah, who read that and was like, I need to make an appointment immediately. We found the real doctor. Even that photo. All these other bullshit doctors that don't use manipulation. Yeah. What doctor goes like this in a photo? All of them now. Imagine if that became the new thing.

I would not go to that doctor huh he had offices so someone had to like rent him the spot so they believed him too not just the he had multiple offices he at least had an off a office like an office you gotta think a guy who's that good of a bullshitter that pretends to be a doctor actually gets patients he's got a stethoscope got a website is it that good but it's good patients. He's got a stethoscope. Got a website. Is it that good? It's good enough that he's got patients. It actually worked. Imagine being so crazy that you tell everybody you're a doctor.

You don't know shit about medical practices. You read his little bio there. And you get offices. And then you get patients. You're treating patients. It's the same as religion. It's a similar approach you just find people who are who need and who need something and they're gullible and they're vulnerable and they'll follow you anywhere or religion is either

that or it's a part of your culture yeah right you're born into it absolutely it's a cultural thing for sure it's when you hear about like a 45 year old dude becoming a mormon you're like you're like what what what happened what are you doing you're lost maybe just have a great group of people that are also mormons and it's like fuck it i'll join i guess that would happen you know maybe even like with scientology that's what happens with people like especially in hollywood they just get so desensitized or like they get everything they want they're looking for more i need purpose if i was jaded i would say that they think they're gonna enhance their career you think so i used to think that because there's a lot of like there was at least a lot of people in the film industry that were scientologists right have you ever gone

to a meeting no but i did go to one of those um they had like a conference tables a folding table set up in san diego and they had the two coffee cans with the strings on them that you hold on to. Oh, God. And they ask you questions about your childhood and weird stuff. And you say it into the coffee can? No, you hold these things.

It's called an... What's it called? An e-meter? I snorted so loud. It's called an e-meter. You hold on to it, and it gives you some sort of a reading on this fucking graph it's it's totally non-scientific it's horseshit right but you know the guy who was it was really

interesting because the guy who was doing it must be just like some regular dude who's in the church that they make do it it's not like he wants to do it nobody wants to do that you could tell he was like a volunteer because he was like yeah i mean like maybe maybe you have a problem with your dad or something he wasn't really selling it at all so basically how i am as a doctor right is what he was selling the scientology yeah i want to go to a meeting just to see what it's like just out of curiosity just to be in there you know in that moment and see what the hype is about well Well, there's a lot of money, right? You have to think that they're massive real estate holders. They've earned millions and millions of dollars, and they have tax-free exempt status.

Because it's a religion? Yeah, tax-exempt. That's some bullshit. They don't have to pay taxes. Oh, it's crazy. They sued and won it. Yeah, they sued the IRS. See, this is the problem.

We're on one side of the coin like people are good manipulators on the other side people are idiotic yeah to believe and deal with half of the shit that they believe and deal with see i think they're what there are there are a bunch of different things at once you know there's the wacky beliefs that l ron hubbard all that stuff that he created but But then there's also the clan. Like the mentality, like being a part of a clan? Right, the tribal mentality. Yeah.

Absolutely. It's funny that the Ku Klux Klan, they kind of stole the word clan. Right. Like the word clan, you say it, you get self-conscious. It's the correct word for like a tribe of people. Right. And it's not, it's not reserved for just a group of white supremacists. I mean, it definitely indicates a whole bunch of groups of people. I used to play Quake competitively.

If you tell people how Quake teams are, that they're clans. They're Quake clans. People are like, what? And then they're like, you mean like the KKK? No. You're like, no, just a group of people. No, like Quake, you fucking idiot. With a common mentality.

That's it. A group, a band of people. A band. Yeah, brothers. But that happens. fucking idiot with a common mentality that's it a group a band of people a band yeah brothers but that that happens people just take over something and then that something becomes negative from then on well then they have a platform as well you know they can then they're like social social justice warriors about it you know they're like cheering it from the rooftops and making tweets about it and how how it's a fucked up situation are they really yeah i don't think anybody's doing that well you, you know,

if you were to say any word, people are like, oh my God. They could. This person said this. It's racist. It's like, I was just saying Klan.

I wasn't saying anything else. But it's like the Hitler mustache. You just gotta let it go. It's too tricky. It is. If you get caught up in it. Anybody wants to wear the Hitler mustache now?

Like, you can't. Really? You can't. Who wants to wear the Hitler mustache now? Like, you can't. Really? You can't. Who wants to wear it? Is somebody wearing it? Michael Jordan wore it for a while. That's right. He did.

That's right. He did. Oh, my God. He did playing basketball. That's kind of fun. I don't know if he was playing basketball. I think he was. He wasn't?

He was retired? Like a Hanes commercial or something, I think. Oh, my. Yeah, he had a goddamn Hitler. That's brazen. You can't even. Like, when does it become a Charlielie chaplin it starts as a hitler like when it gets to the outer edge of the nostrils is it a charlie chaplin well charlie chaplin had a hitler he he molded it after modeled it after hitler did he

yeah hitler was a huge fan of chaplin absolutely there's there's some crossover there chaplin was a huge fan of hitler hit Hitler was a fan of Chaplin and Chaplin just kind of Chaplin was a little bit of a rebel so why did Chaplin wear his mustache? I think it's like a little tongue in cheek how Michael Jordan's Hitler mustache boosted sales at Hanes

let me see that photo make that larger dude that is so crazy that is so crazy that is so crazy that is wild even he had to give it up even michael motherfucking jordan what does that second paragraph say jordan camouflages the mustaches to a small extent with a corresponding soul patch under his bottom lip but the lip beard appears to be exactly that. A beard trying to disguise the Teutonic neighbor upstairs.

What a great sentence. That's a great sentence. It's Teutonic neighbor. Teutonic neighbor. That's really good. I don't even know what Teutonic means. Do you know what Teutonic means? I've never used that word.

It's capitalized. Hit it. Maybe like a... Probably because it's not a real word and motherfucker thinks it's a name. It has to do with war or something? Okay, let's see what it says. Relating to the Teutons.

Relating to the Teutons. Denoting Germanic branch of the Indo-European language family. I hate when that's the definition. You're like, what's Teutonic?

So go back to that. Go back to that statement again. Back to the statement that we're just reading from. Yeah. Okay. So there's a beard trying to disguise its teutonic neighbor upstairs how's that so maybe those people wore those stashes maybe hitler got it from those people because it's germanic right yeah but like who's denoting a

german maybe it was a germanic mustache yeah maybe it was a la mode of the times yeah i mean maybe a bunch of people had hitlers kind of like how there's full beards now Like is a full beard the Hitler of our society? Just like a common beard? I don't think so Can you imagine if somebody rolled around with a Hitler stache today? That'd be really wild You can't You can't

That's too much, right? Yeah, but here's what's weird And I've talked about this on stage too Why is it okay to dress like Genghis Khan? Who's dressing like Genghis Khan? If you want to do it for Halloween why is it okay to dress like gingus khan who's dressing like gingus khan if you want to do it for halloween why is it okay yeah what do you mean like it shouldn't be okay you can't be a nazi you can't be hitler yeah that's i mean that's just people won't let you that's well it's also kind of lacking creativity like you want to be a hitler it's like dressing

up like a sexy baby are we really doing this this? Is this necessary? A lot of people are doing that. No one needs to see sexy babies. No one needs to see a Hitler. Well, slow your roll. Some girls should definitely dress like a sexy baby. Okay, so girls can dress like sexy babies, but I can't dress like a baby and open up packages on YouTube? You could dress like a baby and open up packages on YouTube. No one's stopping you.

You're like fighting these invisible foes. Because you just said that it would be cute, and now, wasn't when i wanted to do it i don't know what you're talking about i thought i didn't think you're serious i wasn't no i wasn't serious cut to this afterwards and it's just 10 videos of me opening up packages of toys yeah just cereal yeah in your underwear in my your feet fucked up toenails. With my terrible, terrible chipped toenails. Yeah, it's amazing how many people have created a career just reviewing stuff on YouTube. Like those tech review guys.

They make a shitload of money. They don't even have to have degrees in electronics or in engineering or anything. They just have to have a love of tech like our friend uh well unbox therapy first of all lewis like think about how many views those videos get his videos he's one of the top ones but there's marcus brownlee who's also been on here guys on there at least that are doing it what are people getting not duncan um yeah it's what are they weird what are they like as a viewer to watch somebody else open gifts it's like that's like the worst part of christmas morning watching other people open gifts you're like where the hell are my toys people get really into it they do it's bizarre don't you think it's

bizarre flossy carter's my favorite i don't know there's a thing that's no yes yeah he's a jack black guy who looks like a like a power lifter yeah tattoos on his hands nice like full out yeah right and and he uses like uh he and he uses technical terms mixed in with like slang and he has a cat he's got a cool little cat that's always like in the videos hanging out and he opened he's an unboxer yeah he's a super knowledgeable guy yeah when he when he reads like when he's talking about like the different details and what the camera's doing don't but he does it in a funny way right like he's very funny yeah and it's like also knowledgeable so if you're a dork like me and you're into like phone technology and i'm really into phone

technology i'm always fascinated by innovations in phone technology because it's like I'm watching someone build a bomb. I'm like standing back like where the fuck are they going next? Where is this going next? This is ruining us now. They want to make them

faster and better and more. Is he all hands too? Like she was saying? Yep. He's all hands? Yeah, it's just his hands. So this is Flossie Carter.

Shout out to Flossie. As far as the feel, lightweight, super comfortable. You can easily wear these all day. And for the look, this is what they're going to look like when you're wearing them. Neck tattoos.

Pretty fucking silly, but some people like them, some people don't. These really ain't my cup of tea. He's got big hands. He's got manly hands. There's pictures of him on his Instagram. He's jacked. He lifts weights. He's huge.

What's his background? I don't know. That lifts weights. He's huge. What's his background? I don't know. But look at that. 2,753,495 views. Where his top 10 truly wireless earphones. He's got a huge following. But it's because of that. Because he knows what he's talking about but then on top of knowing what he talks about, he's kind of

fun to listen to. Yeah, his voice is interesting. His voice takes up a whole room. Yeah, his voice is full. He is a major major room yeah his voice is full it's a powerful voice you should do a ted talk there's so many of those fellas out there that are carving their own niche and gals reviewing things talking about things like there's so many different people doing shit like that now it's interesting i guess it makes sense because there's such a huge space for the techie nerds to indulge in that stuff and become fans of that sort of well also no one would have ever made that a television show.

And if it was a television show, people might not have watched it. Yeah. It's easier on YouTube where you can just click it at your leisure. That's the beautiful thing about the on-demand. It was tech TV, though, which is gone. So it's just sort of just replaced whatever. Yeah, but tech TV was never this in-depth. They would go, you know, they this in-depth. They would go,

you know, they would gloss over things. They would have like a synopsis of... It was still TV. They still had, you know, they still did like commercials, I guess. They did everything

like a television show. It was great. I loved Remote Control. I mean, not Remote Control. What was it called? Screensavers. Remote Control was the MTV show.

I was going to say, I thought that was MTV. Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick. Chris Hardwick. Chris Hardwick was in that. Yeah, he had a couple extra LBs on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he had a soul patch then as well. Did he? Yeah, he had like a downstairs Hitler. Hitler in the basement is what that is. You're allowed to have a Hitler in the basement. Yeah, you can have Hitler in the basement, just not in the attic. It's too close. But isn't it weird though that, I mean, not saying that anybody wants to dress like a

Nazi. I don't want to just. Some people do. I have to say that uh but that if you dressed like a murderer from the past like gingus khan or something like that well you actually would get in trouble now for cultural appropriation you know where you wouldn't get in trouble is at the renaissance fair when they have like heroes and villains day depends on what you're doing if you had some squinty eye thing going on with tape too far right now you've taken it too far but why is it weird that a physical characteristic like eyes like small eyes is like offensive to discuss isn't that fascinating it is fascinating but to recreate i think is it offensive or is it people

enjoy the feeling of being offended i think there's a there's a sweet spot in the middle there i would beg to differ that some of the people in society who are offended by words terms sentences aren't necessarily truly offended as much as they want to say they're offended. I am 100% on board with you, Ms. Peluso. Dr. Peluso, sorry. Thank you, Dr. Peluso. I have a HPV, HD, PHI, ABD. I mean, people get offended. People love getting offended. They love it.

They love getting offended. And you know what they also love doing? Not doing shit about it. You know what they also love doing? Not doing shit about it. But in their defense, if you see like a movie where a dude is playing an Asian man, but he's a white dude and they do some malarkey with his eyes, you're like, motherfucker. He said malarkey with his eyes. What?

Did they turn him into a leprechaun? Something Irish with his eyes? Something like Charlie Chan type shit. Oh, they did some malarkey with his eyes. You ever seen? Ah, the fucking malarkey. The fucking old fucking malarkey with his eyes. What? Did they turn him into a leprechaun? Something Irish with his eyes? Something like Charlie Chan type shit. Oh, they did the malarkey with his eyes. You ever seen... Ah, the fucking malarkey. The fucking old fucking... They used that special effects malarkey and changed him into a Chinaman.

Oh, that goddamn leprechaun. That fucker. You could be an Englishman. No one has a problem with calling someone an Englishman. But you call someone a Chinaman and they go, whoa, you're getting weird there. It's just... You're getting weird. It's just You're getting weird It's exhausting

When people are offended And then it's like Girls being offended And writing articles About guys that are doing Me too moments But they're not going To the rallies

They're not involved In the community They're not really like Moving the needle They're just screaming Is it good to go to rallies? I think it's good to be Also actively

And physically involved In whatever movement You believe in I think just saying it and posting it on twitter is a facade but it's good for likes you can get a lot of likes boom i mean i guess there's some eyeballs on it you're you're creating a conversation but i don't know i just believe in like living walking the talk a little bit more what the fuck were we just talking about that gang is calm oh chinese um actors that get fucked out of roles by white people they don't do that anymore but they used to yeah one of the big ones was um charlie chan charlie chan was like a famous detective show remember that show was it but was it casted as a white man? Yeah, it was a white dude playing a Chinese detective that was like super wise detective.

That's busted. But he looks like a white guy who eats good. Like Matlock? More like... Like the commish? No, like... That's the one right there. Oh my...

Holy hell. Yeah, that was Charlie Chan. I'm offended Yeah you should be He looks more like He looks like a shitty magician He looks like Chewy From the comedy store

You guys don't remember Chewy That is offensive The same thing happened with Let me see that picture Look at that That shit is ridiculous I can't What is happening there

He looks like he runs a casino in upstate New York And you ever hear him talk? Can we play some of the- I need to hear it. Some Charlie Chan? It was very offensive. Oh my God. Dun, dun, dun.

Let's listen to some Charlie Chan. I'm shook right now. What's that, Jamie? The same thing happened. What year do you think this was? 1945, it says. Yeah, I was going to say 50s. Scarlett Johansson had that whole issue.

Remember, she was cast in that movie, and it was supposed to be an Asian role? Yeah. And people went crazy over it? And she bailed. She bailed. Let's hear some of this. Here we go. I can't.

Already you have telephoned me. Boy, the minute I got your telegram, I started watching all trains. You contact mysterious Mr. Roush. Sure. Picked him up the minute he got off the train. The music. The hard R on that Rouse. Look at his face. He doesn't even look remotely Asian. Yo, they taped his eyes for sure they did some weirdness but not much because he looks like every housewife in bev hills minus the facial hair

the pulled back face yeah where you're like take off 10 years but back then you know this guy could get away with that you know uh what's his face john who's the lady in the saran wrap she's a ghost or some shit dude what's happening to her that is bizarre i don't even know if they had saran wrap back then that could be just jizz oh shit a bubble of jizz is that what you would do to wrap up food you'd have to jizz on things spooge it and take it home after the party like a balloon put your food inside of it The new jizz Food saver What's up with her fucking face What is that shit

Dude She's wearing like a Glass veil or something Is that Shia LaBeouf Imagine we find out Is that Luis Gomez And Shia LaBeouf They're time travelers

This is I mean Isn't it great to live in this time Where our movies are so much better But we're gonna laugh In the future Looking back at how stupid Things are today

You just can't see it coming Look at that guy What is that dude Is that another Chinese guy I think he's got some terrible face makeup I think added to him That looks like Joey Diaz on acid Look at that

With that head wrap That looks like Tate It does look like Tate A regal Tate Like a bolder Tate. It does look like Tate. A regal Tate. Like an older Tate on acid. Yeah, a Tate on acid. Real angry. Ruling a kingdom after a couple divorces.

Yeah, he's like an 80-year-old Tate. Yeah, that's offensive. On a mountain somewhere. Well, that's what they used to do. But look up John Wayne as Genghis Khan. That's even dumber. Oh, man. They didn't even change anything.

Including the way he talked. He talked like John Wayne We're gonna go out there We're gonna fuck up these Russians He talked literally like John Wayne But he was dressed Like a fur Fucking hat on

Oh that made me cry laugh Oh my god that's so dumb Oh my god you gotta see it You gotta see it How when they made that movie Were they like This is it They didn't know Everything sucked

Everything did kinda suck There's only a few like Gone with the Wind Like whoa what did they do there A few movies Citizen Kane This one doesn't suck I got lost in the film There I am

I mean the likeness is a little amazing that's who he is wow imagine look at that beard he went from playing like a fucking sheriff in some wide west wild west town to gingus khan hollywood was so whitewashed it really really was well they knew back then if they did a john wayne movie they would sell a million tickets you know that's really what the what the the thing is i mean an aspect of that is still going on it'll always go on you know and i sort of i don't know if you feel the same way i get it to a certain point like when you go out in the comedy clubs and there's like a youtube influencer booked on a weekend you're just like ah fuck but then you're like well i

kind of get it from a business standpoint if they're filling the rooms i did a gig in in arizona once and they had a daytime gig booked from a youtube influencer they packed this place out at 11 a.m with like 12 year old kids as fans was his name burt kreischer yes it was it was the burt kreischer day show he didn't take his whole shirt off. It was a crop top. He wore a halter. Burt does those day shows. He does.

He'll do radio and then he'll do a show at noon for people that don't have jobs. Yeah, it's like work, calling sick to work or something. What does he call it? Something like that. Something like that. Yeah. Calling sick to work day. Yeah.

Yeah. He took his shirt off at the Kings game. Oh, God, this is so funny. That lady didn't know what to do. Slim. He's looking slim He's looking slim Yeah that is slim for Burt That's only like

19 months pregnant Yeah that's a protrusion And it's hard He's got an 8 year old In the belly He's got an 8 year old Inside of him He has to take his shirt

He takes his shirt off In the OR now Every time Yeah he used to take His shirt off only In the main room He was like Well the OR

I keep my shirt on Now he decided no more of that does it come off all every show every set right when he gets on stage he takes his shirt off when does he decide when that happens i wonder like is there a moment just right out that's how you do it pre pre mic grab or grabs a mic well his body is a source of pride. He enjoys the fruits of his labor. Yeah. And his appetite for indulgence.

I don't know if it's a body as much as it is a building. It's a body. People know it's his body. They know he's the party animal. He's the party animal. And they go, all right, it's Bert.

Fuck yeah. He's fun. It is a lot of fun. There's an article that was written about that. Like talking about, I was that was written about that like talking about uh i was reading this guy was like talking about how hilarious it was it is it's a party it definitely is a party he is an animal and sometimes you know i mean there's the opposite where people

are just kind of quiet on stage if i could get a laugh just by taking off my shirt i think i'd go for it why not start off with that but now the problem is i think burt owns it which is weird you know like he's like you think he should have some like a little bit of a feeling about it no like he owns it like uh if you wanted to go up and take your shirt off people go what are you copying yeah it's a good point he's the only one doing it he's the only comic derobing every time but there's some weird ones like that bobby bobby lee takes his pants off i mean i've seen that that weenie weenie a few times winking at me from the green rooms of the comedy store you should probably not tell people that if bird

stopped doing it people probably get mad now they'll get mad they'll throw things out yeah he can't he can't not do it they're like take off the shirt dudes will jump on him on stage tackle him yeah yeah but i mean there's there's a couple dudes who go clotheless yeah off their pants and their shirts but but it's weird that that's burt's thing yeah it is weird you're right though if anybody else were to do it they would know that that was a burt situation there's another one like that that we were just talking about the other night at the comedy store like how crazy it is that someone like took over like a thing yeah a stand-up comedian i think so it doesn't matter i'm not gonna remember i'm not gonna remember i want to know what it is well there's

like a there's a comic in new york it snaps got like a snap every time they and you know fraser smith i love watching fraser smith when he's like come on people these are jokes and he like snaps yeah it's like a it's like come on people these are jokes and he like snaps yeah it's like a it's like a time keeper i like that right yeah in rhythm yeah it keeps you in rhythm it's it's musical up there sometimes if it's going well if it goes well it's weird how people can become like a thing like this is the guy who talks about food i know i was thinking about that like how what what what comes first in that scenario? Does it naturally evolve or does it happen once and then the person builds around it because it's a crutch?

Hmm. There's a fine line between the art and the... Marketing. Exactly. Yeah. And who, you know, do your thing. Like, it's a short life. Why not find that little niche that works for you and fucking make that money and have fun and bring some joy to people who gives a fuck i have a problem with people who talk shit about

people going after what they're doing and finding a little trick to it who cares is it what everybody's doing people get angry if they get tricked god damn yeah that's true that's true fucking trick you can't believe this shit dude i remember there was this lady who reviewed video games she was like talking about video games and they found a video of her from years earlier saying that she doesn't even play video games they were like aha you don't even play video games i knew it you're a liar they were using it as like evidence i was like this is this is this is during that whole gamer gate thing like this is evidence that the world has gone mad people are arguing over whether or not someone is a real video game player you're not even a real player you fake play people have too much time on their hands man

too much time and they get stuck in that they stuck in that like web universe well not just that like yeah people change like i wasn't playing video games just three months ago now jamie and jeff and i were playing them every fucking day now we play this quake game oh that's a video game jamie fucked me up yesterday you beat his ass beat me in the last one how did that feel it doesn't feel good are you a good loser yeah we have fun we have fun we talk a lot of shit i was just gonna say you probably talked a lot of shit to I was just going to say, you probably talked a lot of shit to Jamie after you lost. No. Did you cry? He did fuck me up on this one map that I was very angry at this map

because you keep falling off of it. So whack. You fall off and you suicide. He did a much better job than me. But he owned me on the other one, so it evens out. It evens out. It's good to play video games to a certain degree.

I like that one map that we play on because when you do go out, you do suicide, but it's not that common that other one is just like every time i can and if you're jumping and you don't look behind you you're like fuck ah you watch yourself fall yeah explode when you hit the rock how many times did i explode how many times did i fall it's some some in the range of 30 i'm not joking you really are no no no and and here's me falling fuck god damn it fuck not again fuck this map shit this map son of a bitch shit suck god fucking suck what the fuck and then uh jeff's getting good

too it's become a problem jeff fucked me up Yesterday too I think it's good to have Like I wish I was good At video games I'm not I'm not that Good at it Why do you wish Why would you want

That skill Because I think it's good Like the hand eye coordination And just like I don't know Being able to relax And play a game I'm gonna fly a fucking

Chinook You wanna be them Drone pilots in Vegas Yeah I do So what do you think About UFOs 100% real 100% real you ever see one um i did actually see one really i did in new york city this was years ago i was walking downtown i used

to bartend at this place called puffy's tavern in tribeca walking downtown beautiful sunny day and as i'm crossing the street i'm just looking at everybody everyone's looking up like what are these people looking at i look up and there's this like i don't know like a weird oval chrome thing in the sky pretty far up but you could see what it was and i was i remember talking to the dude i'm like what is that and he was videotaping he's like i don't know we've all been standing here it hasn't really moved it just was kind of suspended in the air not a lot of sound at all and i had to get to work i'm like all right well i gotta go make cowboy cocksuckers for investment bankers so let me know what happens and i went to the bar and it was on the news at the bar and it was just this weird

it looked like like that bullet that little bullet vibrator thing or like a little suppository in the sky it was like a like a like a balloon yeah like almost like a balloon but a little bit more elongated very quiet it was bizarre like a blimp nah not like a it sat upright it was almost like this was oval shaped like a can yeah soda can exactly floating in the sky right but right side up yep it was bizarre but that was like the only real time i was like, what is that? I remember being a little kid thinking that I might have saw something, but I might have just convinced myself just because I was bored. And also as your memory recalls, you recreate what it was. Yeah, 100%.

But what do you remember? Oh, I don't remember anything really. Oh, okay. But what I was going to say is I watched this Bob Lazar in Area 51 documentary. Oh boy. Holy shit. It's really interesting. It's a lot more interesting

than I thought. I always like to like dismiss a lot of the UFO stuff because I'm always like this is nonsense. This is so silly. But my friend Dave Foley who I treasure

and I value his opinion very highly. He told me that he started getting obsessed with UFOs. He said thanks to you I'm obsessed with UFOs. I'm like thanks to me I'm started getting obsessed with ufos he said thanks to you i'm obsessed with ufos i'm like thanks to me i'm not even obsessed with them anymore you cause a lot of obsessions i'm sure no but he and i when we used to work together on news radio i was deep

in my obsession with ufos i was convinced what kicked it off just hearing people's stories if you only had one experience as a kid i don't even think i really did have an experience i think i probably saw a jet fly overhead and like i think that might be beautiful and then i talked myself into it that's weird that you had an obsession not based off of your own experiences that's bizarre yeah i've always been um super super obsessed with space yeah i think i had a really good um teacher in seventh grade science and i I remember he said, if you really want to make your brain hurt, just look up and try to imagine something

that has no end. Try to imagine that the universe has no end. You want to hurt your head? Just look up at the sky and understand there's no end to this. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. Because everything else in life and existence

has a finality to it. Every thing yeah we think but this guy when he planted that shit in my head i remember thinking wow i never even thought of that before like i just looked at the stars and i'll be like oh there's the stars they look cool oh there's the moon i want to go to the moon you know like a dumb kid you don't have the perspective of like the vastness of it. Yeah. But when I was 13, this guy said that. 13, maybe 14. No, 12.

I guess 12. Somewhere in that range. Seventh or eighth grade. You just started. Somewhere in that range. Yeah. I remember him saying that to me and then being obsessed with space after that. Obsessed.

Like one thing that a teacher said. And I was immediately like What? Like that was one of the first cool things I ever heard at school It is cool Well he was a cool teacher He was a Vietnam vet There was a couple of these guys that were Vietnam vets That were super scary

They were scary It's good to have a teacher like that though So many like That whole thing like Our education system really fails a student sometimes But have teachers who invoke Curiosity out of children Who actually care

And have a You know Interesting curriculum That they bring to the table I only had a couple teachers Like that That I can really remember But

Yeah I think three The three teachers That I really remember They're like Wow that lady was so nice Out of your entire schooling Yeah Yeah same

I had a really cool Miss Lutwin was my First grade teacher And she'd have us Lying up outside of her door and she always had a pop collar she always smelled good she always had a pop collar and when you'd walk in her classroom if you had a collar she'd pop it so everybody sat in class with a popped collar that's hilarious and it just brought this like cool mentality right like it just we felt like we were our own little clan in there. Like the Miss Lutwin clan.

That's what it was like. When did you know that you wanted to be a comedian? Early, early on, like eight years old. I was young. Yeah, I was entertaining my sister. No shit. But I didn't know that I could make a career out of it. Cause where I grew up, there wasn't those like outlets there, you know, we didn't have

like a theater or any sort of cultural exposure that i could you know adhere to and just be like oh okay cool i'm gonna be no gay people that's exactly thank you no gay people well we did they were hiding because they didn't want to be murdered ha ha lol lol jk um so how old were you when you first went on stage? 19 Oh wow Yeah I was 19 years old I thought you had to wait until 21 I didn't realize afterwards That you can get into a bar

As a performer I know To make sure you don't drink Yeah there was this cool place called the Cantab Lounge Which is a I mean Boston Right

But you know You know all about it Cambridge area had this bar called the Cantab Lounge. And downstairs, there was this little performance space called the Third Rail. And I used to do improv for like six months. And then one of the dudes was like, you should try stand-up. You might like it. So, this was in Cambridge you were doing this?

Yeah. Oh. That's where I started stand-up in Boston. This was, let's see, I was 19. I'm 36 now. I'm not doing that math. I can't do that math. I thought you would. You're the scientist. I'm the doctor. I don't have time to do math now I'm not doing that math I can't do that math I thought you would

You're the scientist I'm the doctor I don't have time to Do math I have to write prescriptions I'm too busy with my calculations About the size of the universe I have to go get my stethoscope

I can't do the math I think you were 22 Is that what it means No I was 19 19 I don't know what year it was 20 20

I was gonna mean 22 years ago 2006 23 years ago Holy 23 years ago What 80, 23 years ago. What? 80 years ago. Fuck,

you were bad at math just like me. Well, it was whatever that. I'm not even counting. I'm just making numbers up. Whatever it was. So, you're 36 now.

Yeah, I was 19. You started stand up when you were 19. Almost 20 years ago. Almost 20 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. And my dad was there.

Actually, I have it on tape. You have it on tape? I do. The first time I ever did stand up. Don't watch and i fucked your head it fucked me up for months like god dude it fucked me up for months why did i think i could do this oh and like it was just everything you could imagine it was it was it was all the things all the things it was just all the little clumsy uh clumsy and fast and not rooted in like a narrative about my life it just was sort of a a reflection of what i saw essentially you go up

there and you imitate something until you have your own voice for the most part yep for sure but i have it on tape and i'll never forget you know we even videotaped afterwards my dad came out from syracuse to watch it my dad he sent he since passed in october but he came out he was there for my first stand-up show and he's like babe you're gonna be fine dude my dad's not in the industry he doesn't know shit this dude was like you know he sold real estate and bartend like he wasn't like in the entertainment industry but he's like babe you're gonna be fine you're great because you got high energy he's like you're gonna be fine because you're up there and you got high energy that's what the people like i was like all right like okay dad so i just kind of

always thought about that like aspect of it like just my my physicality and not feeling embarrassed by it you know like did you ever say to your dad hey what about stephen right yeah you know he definitely he liked comedians like that my one of my dad's favorite comics was uh Stanhope he loved Stanhope I'll never forget I did a show with Stanhope in Syracuse actually and my dad was sitting next to me while we're watching Stanhope and he leaned over he was like man the mind on this guy it's like one of the brightest brightest people I've ever heard in my life dad should get out more he well he's he's in a grave now so he's only getting out as a ghost he's probably a drunk ghost at some girl's house

right now because he can't find mine stanhope is getting ready to film another special yeah very excited to watch yeah that's gonna be great stanhope is he's he's like the i don't know he's like the equalizer when it comes to what's going on in society he just has a way of being like boom this is what's going on with gun control and with people being offended by terminology and words here's why it's ridiculous yeah he's good like that well he works you know he's a guy that he and he works on his own schedule he decides when to write when to perform when to tour when to do and he's always like i might just fucking retire and then right back at it new special coming out next year yeah he's always he's always working he is always working

he has his own glad he's out there yeah he's he's amazing i love watching him glad he's out there because he's just like he's basically an older version of the guy he was like 20 plus years ago absolutely he's not changed at all other than like become more wacky yeah with his fucking goofy suits it's goofy suits and it's goofy suits those fucking suits every time i see him but here's the thing like that's one of the things like he owns the suit i was just gonna say no one can wear the suit if you wear a goofy suit like a really shitty suit like stanhope yeah like a dusty peach colored suit with ruffles he wears like Yeah, like a dusty, peach-colored suit with ruffles? Get the fuck out of here.

He wears loafers like an old man from Caddyshack days. Hell yeah. He looks like he used to sell cars 20 years ago and kept the outfit. Yeah. And I love it. He's like Frasier Smith's long-lost cousin. He looks like a ghost. From Toledo.

His cousin from Toledo sells cars. He looks like a ghost From the Titanic He rents out clowns Look at him Yeah Look at those shoes He's a rock star Look at those shoes

But you're right That's his thing Yeah that's his look No one can do that Terrible suits And he's been Rocking this look For quite a while now

Like he used to dress Like a normal person Well a semi I mean There was always A level of eccentric yeah but he could replace his entire wardrobe for 40 dollars you go to a thrift store yeah i mean you could get that jacket for two dollars

and it's amazing that he finds them all that seem to be tailored it's like he gets a fraud he takes these things he takes these shitty fabrics fabrics to a real high-end tailor, and he has them slim-fitted, and he pretends he finds them. He finds some of them. He definitely gets some nice tailored. Look at that shirt. It's a bum jacket. That shirt.

It's not bum, though. It's all nice and clean. No, it is nice and clean, but I'm saying it looks like a bum that struck it rich real quick. He got money fast and didn't know what to do, so he just bought the same suits, but cleaner. No, if a bum struck it rich

they'd be wearing like the finest things that they saw on the windows of those department stores when they were on the outside. You think you'd just go from living in a garbage bag

to Prada? Yeah. Really? That's what I think. Yeah, once you got on your feet and cleaned up and stuff it'd take a couple of days

to get used to the fact that you're rich now. I don't know if I'd be able to. I obviously, I don't have a knack for fashion fashion i'm in like a gangster hillbilly overall outfit but it works i don't know if i'd be able to like just know what to wear after being homeless for so long first you got to kick the heroin and the piss stained shirt yeah you got to kick all that yeah you got to clean your body up you got a hundred billion dollars in the bank now claude that's what i'm saying there's a little bit of a process yeah you know you're not going from like shit stained shorts to gucci pants well most people don't even make it you know like when when people win money in a lottery like they almost

always spend it all or go crazy it's like i don't think people get adjusted to that idea that all of a sudden boom somebody just drops off a giant chunk of change. Like if you got inheritance money from grandpa, he gives you a million dollars, like you're going to burn through that shit. Most people, I don't even think it's reserved for homeless people. I mean, like rappers, athletes, comedians. It's like that goes back to our education system. We're not taught financial responsibility in high school. We should be. Listen, it doesn't matter if you teach not taught financial responsibility in high school we should be listen

it doesn't matter if you teach comedians financial responsibility most of us are not going to follow it i was lucky i started i was like impulsive i wanted to just at least have something saved for the future because i knew that about myself that i did not know enough so i started to save some and do a little bit of googling for every kevin hart who has like real knowledge about finances there's like four dudes like me i have no idea what's going on who's got like a custom gym and 16 cars on the way i'm not thinking i don't have any time for thinking but do you like that like what you know as a woman you know our indulgences are like you know going to the spa or maybe shopping. What's your thing on a day off?

What do you do that brings you joy that is a commercial? Like a material thing? A material thing. Obviously, you like your cars and stuff. I enjoy cars, but I'm a big fan of engineering. I love mechanical things. I think my favorite car, I have this car that doesn't have any power steering, doesn't have air conditioning, and it's got an air-cooled engine. It's one of my favorite cars.

What is it? Which car? It's a 1993 Porsche RS America. It's a really light car. It's not really even that fast. It's not fast like a modern car. It's definitely not fast compared to my Tesla. Tesla is the craziest fucking car i've

ever driven by far every other car seems stupid what model is it dumb it's the model s i was just googling that yeah whoa fucking preposterous how fast that car is and just the technology on it and does it also have auto oh yeah auto drives does everything how does that work like if you're driving down the highway if you set up, does it legitimately go to your destination? You have to hit this little thing to switch lanes to say that you want to switch lanes, but it'll switch lanes for you. It will drive with the speed of traffic, so it'll slow down. When traffic slows down, speed up, and traffic speeds up. It turns.

It makes perfect turns. Wow. It's crazy. So could you just be, could you zone out and let it go you really shouldn't but it's just as an argument you probably could wow you hold your hand on the steering wheel like you're supposed to have light pressure on the steering wheel apparently some crazy fucks have uh that's what it looks like on the screen wow they just updated it like last week yeah they updated it to recognize um stoplights that is so i mean the future is now that is so wild it's bananas but someone told me i don't

know if this is true and it's irresponsible for me to even say it but i'm gonna say it do it this is your podcast you're living your truth i'm gonna go crazy someone said that you can bypass the touch sensors on the steering wheel that knows if you're holding on the steering wheel with a tennis ball you shove a tennis ball in there and if you do that you just go to sleep and the fucking holy drive well you know what modern darwinism will take care of the rest i hope not i mean people do dumb things i don't want people to die in his car i don't want people to die either but people do dumb things all the time. But there's a difference between those kind of cars and the cars that I really like. I like these mechanical cars.

They feel the gears. See, this guy's got a tennis ball. Oh, he's got an orange stuck in there. He's got a little citrus. See, citrus works for driving as well as getting rid of bacteria. Yeah, he debunked Tesla's Autopilot orange hack. Oh, he debunked it. Oh, to see if it worked or not, I see It seems like it's working

It does look like it's working It makes you hold on to it Like every now and then It doesn't make you hold on to it all the time As it should It failed It actually does work that way I mean, how much is going on in your life that you can't

I enjoy driving I enjoy the mechanism of it. I enjoy where my mind goes. I like blasting my music. I may or may not hit a joint. May or may not. Allegedly, probably not. But, you know, I enjoy driving.

Well, I do too. But I think if there was a button that you could press that said, you drive, then the car just drives. You hit that button all the fucking time. Most of the time when you're in traffic, you just don't want to deal. You just hit that button. That's true. Especially in LA. If I'm going to the airport, I get up in the morning and I just hit that button.

Yeah, hit that. I'd be like, take me, bitch. Hit that button. Let's go, bitch. Press that button. Then I barely pay attention. Tap that shit. All the way to the airport.

Yeah. See, there's certain situations where it would be useful definitely but when you're driving like say if you're driving in a canyon you know like you're up these hills and and driving around these like beautiful scenic places you want to be driving like a little sports car with a manual transmission hugging those wheels yeah you want to feel Grabbing the wheel and hugging the corners like a desperate person. I feel like he can add that to the Tesla. No. Why not?

Why not? Because you won't feel the gears. You won't feel the grinding. You won't feel the shifting of the gear yourself. It doesn't have any gears. Like, there's so many aural experiences you'd have to be lying to me about. First of all, here's one. The revving of the engine.

Like, when you get up to red line when you're shifting gears like there's a sound that uh especially like a really well engineered german car has when they hit those high revs yeah it's a just a it's a symphony of coordinated mechanics it's all and you're shifting and then you it's really good you hit the fucking you blip on the downshift like on the downshift you do what's called heel towing where you got one foot on the brake and you go like this so that as you're going from third to second you give it a little extra juice so that your engine RPM catches up with where the gear is going to be. When you get into second gear, it's going to rev higher. So you...

And you're all... It's like a coordinated effort. All these things are happening. It's not just like sitting there with an orange on your steering wheel driving around. Is there something else going on? I just came in my pants from that whole description of... Do you know what I'm saying? If you made fart sounds,

then he can make some force sounds or something like that. But here's the thing. It doesn't matter if you make the sounds. I know, I know, I know. I want to feel the shift. They can have that. No.

It's all about the shift. Jamie, you're pushing your foot into the clutch. You're putting the thing into gear. It's a mechanical action. You can't fake that. No, you can't fake that. I'm giving Elon. I bet Elon can fake it. He's not going to listen if he did it would be less good than what he has what he's got is better than any other car right because it's a basic level of driving it's not

you know you're not interactive with shifting and everything which is probably the fun of having a car where you can actually drive it manually well there's a bunch of things first of all with his car they don't have any gears it's just one gear it doesn't shift it doesn't change that's bizarre yeah it doesn't hit a red line and then you have to move to third gear right or it does it itself it just has one gear and then on top of that it has this giant navigation screen i mean it's the craziest fucking thing you've ever seen in your life it's's like 14 inches tall. Right. And then on top of that, it's got like all these safety features. It's looking at things and warning you about this and shows you where all the cars are around you as you're driving. Sounds like having my mom in the front seat.

Sounds like just something over there, something here. Watch out for that, hon. It's like, all right, shut up. But what if your mom was psychic and she was just sending it to your brain? That's what it's like. Oh, God. Because it's not saying anything it's showing it right it shows it doesn't like say everything but doesn't it have like a fart machine in there i read that there's like a fart machine in the in the teslas uh well you should read more because that's not what it was it's a whoopee cushion it's a fart sound that it can make if you want it to right so when people

fart machine dude a fart machine would make actual farts. Well, it makes a fart noise though, right? Yes. Right. So, I mean, essentially it's a fart machine. Just not like a... Well, it's just a sound effect. Mechanics to it.

There's no machine. There's no machine, but there's like the... Yes. That's great. That's enough for me to get the Tesla. There's different kinds of farts. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can have like wet farts. Oh. Short little tiny farts. Hookworm. There's different kinds of farts. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have like wet farts, short little tiny farts. Hookworm farts? Probably hookworm farts. What do you think a hookworm fart would smell like? Like rotten fish. Carcass. Some dead worms inside your body. Like a river soaked carcass.

Have you ever seen an animal? I know you have a lot of dogs. You ever seen an animal shit out worms? No, and I definitely don't want to, Have you ever seen an animal? I know you have a lot of dogs. You ever seen an animal shit out worms? No. And I, I definitely don't want to, but now the image is just vivid in my mind. I have many times.

Like how many worms are we talking? Oh, like worms coming out of their butt. Like you look in their butt, you see like little worms. Yeah. You never seen that? It's super common.

No, it's crazy that I have it because I have had so many dogs in my life. That's well, is that mean that they're like not normal dogs i haven't had them crap out worms well they probably didn't get dewormed you know they didn't get their pills right right right rescue dogs yeah before you know the deworming stuff takes place but when i was a kid our dog had it and i remember watching like little worms come out of her butt i was like this is crazy little white worms were wiggling around her butt. I was like, this is crazy. Little white worms were wiggling around in her butt. I was like, what in the fuck is this?

Nature's weird, man. There's something feeding on everything. There's an organism feeding on an organism. That's all this is. Just organisms feeding on each other. It's one big fuck fest with organisms. Or leech fest. Yeah, it is a leech fest.

Yeah, well, these things. I don't think they fuck. Do you think those parasitic worms fuck? No, they just probably separate. They probably just divide themselves. There's no sex happening. They're like, it's gross. Speaking of fuck, did you see that python that they found in the middle of the Everglades?

It was 17 feet long. Oh, my. So I Googled it. I saw this. It's one of the things I was talking about Exotic pets I googled it They get to 30 feet long

I can't even understand that That is ridiculous So then I went down a hole Oh I did I saw that photo A python hole The record 17 foot long python

Carrying 73 eggs Captured in Florida's Everglades Another reason we should Just get rid of Florida Snap it off And push it into the ocean There's too much Craziness happening there look at that fucking snake now here's the thing that freaked me out i found out those snakes get twice that length

so this has only been going on apparently for like the last 15 or so years they apparently didn't have a real population of pythons in the everglades 15 years ago did somebody's pet get loose that thing had 73 eggs i know no it didn't get loose some asshole just released his snake right someone just chucked it out the window and then it fucks up the balance of the ecosystem they escaped from a breeding facility destroyed by hurricane andrew in 1992 well that makes sense 100 that's how a horror movie starts it is a great horror movie. Somebody write that script. Tens of thousands of Burmese pythons are estimated to now be living in the area.

And that's just now. They've completely wiped out all the raccoons, all the skunks, all the rabbits. It'll balance itself back out. Yeah, they're eating alligators now. Nice. Those things eat alligators? They eat alligators. That's a video to see.

Forget the dude naked at Chick-fil-A. There's a photograph of one that died because the alligator chewed its way out of its body. Nature is so brutal, man. Nature is so goddamn ruthless. But there's some beauty in that ruthlessness. Just that undying desire for survival that exists in creatures like that. There's no empathy. There's no sympathy.

They're just going to eat their way out of you to survive. Yeah, there's something cool about it as long as it's not your five-year-old kid that gets snatched up. Absolutely. That's a goddamn nightmare. Look at this. I can't show this, but this is for you guys. So what is this one doing? This is the video.

Look at that. It's a different one. I think this is an anaconda And a caiman It says python eats alligator Alive Yeah it eats the whole thing I mean it eats the whole thing alive Is that a python for sure?

I don't know Yeah it seems like it is It seems like it is That's actually a video of me Eating a grilled cheese at 2am Oh my god Look at how It is sped up

But look how it gets All the way down to the fucking tail that is amazing i wonder if snakes have taste buds or if it's just for pure hunger dude just stop and think about what we're looking at here this fucking snake just ate a whole alligator there goes a tail oh my it's in its body and it's just gonna break it down look at that evil but then he's gotta go away and chill Because they're vulnerable When they eat that He's gotta go and just Hide in a

Hide under a canopy Well that's why There's not snakes Everywhere on earth Well now there are In Florida Yeah but I mean They're not everywhere

Because if they If they really could just eat And then go out And eat again Like real quick Like how a lion could Right it would be They would eat

All the ecosystem Would be destroyed They'd eat up everything That's the one Where the alligator chewed its way out look at that also kind of badass of that alligator it looks like the tail popped out i can't even see what's going yeah maybe the tail you know because those tails are very strong and they're so thick it's like an armor go to that website that's wild man about it jesus that is really wild but that's just shows you how hungry these fucking things are they've eaten everything that's out there but also their master their their ability to capture something and then kill it that's that vicious right an alligator like those

are kind of hard to sneak up on and capture and hold on to i don't think they are i think you don't think so no i think that's one of the reasons why it could get it so quick i think they just lay around most of the time and i think alligators don't tweak because they don't have any natural enemies until the pythons came along because they're so badass oh yeah i don't think they're equipped for this yeah they're probably not equipped for you probably right where they're just they the snake found a vulnerability in the system he's like i'm gonna snack on alligators i wonder how long it takes a snake with his nasty gut juices to break down alligator hide three three three days three to four days that's my guess i'm gonna say at least a week to break

down all that maybe even longer yeah it's got to have some gnarly, like, acids in its stomach to break that down. Yeah, some shit like from the movie Alien. Yes, like battery acid. Just burns right through it. Why aren't we, like, using snake acid to break down rust on cars and stuff? We should be looking into that. Yeah, it would clean up everything. It probably would clean up everything probably would clean up everything an animated recreation of the python alligator battle suggests that the python might have

survived its massive meal but that a second gator came to the rescue and bit off the snake's head oh was that the alligator's bitch being like no the force of the tussle the new theory says is what caused the python wow whoa so an alligator came and fucked him up after he ate an alligator. A homie came and rescued him. I don't think they have any homies. Really? No. They mate.

I think they're assholes. I think they're assholes with tiny little brains and they just chew things and suck them down. They just fuck reptilian style? Did you ever see that video of the crocodiles and they go to feed them? And it was on my Instagram. Jamie, the one with the crocodile well this lady goes to throw some chicken out for the crocodiles and the crocodiles snap up

the chicken and one crocodile reaches over to the guy next to him and bites his leg bites the crocodile's leg and just rolls oh god snaps it off and chucks it down swallows it and the other alligator the other crocodile rather doesn't even bud budge He just got his arm bit off He's like what happened Oh my fuck This is when you realize What these things are They don't give a fuck

It's so crazy to watch They're dinosaurs This thing doesn't even freak out That it's arm got bitten off And swallowed by his neighbor Well I will say If I'm eating a really delicious sandwich And someone bites me

I'm gonna be like I'm just gonna finish the sandwich I have to be honest How hungry are you If you're very hungry well he's not even finishing he's lying there and the other alligator or the other crocodile bites his leg and then rips it off watch this that's some bullshit just watch it boom now watch they run in see this one's snacking up and look grabs it and now watch g. Gator roll. Death. Snaps it off.

Oh, no. Chucks it down. But look at him. He doesn't even do anything. What the fuck, bro? He just lost his leg. And he's like, what the fuck, bro? I mean, those are not regenerative, right?

Yes, they are. Can he grow another paw? Yep. Whoa. Yeah, they grow other paws all the time. That is so wild. Whoa Yeah They grow Other paws all the time That's Yeah That is so wild I want to put some

Gator DNA on my face I bet you that's really good For just like Keeping your shit fresh Or you look like scales You want that? That'd be kind of cool Forever?

Scales? I'd be a superhero I could probably capitalize on it Start a YouTube page Then you never have to worry About what you look like right? Just glue scales to your face Absolutely

Just glue them to there right now I'm not going to wear any rouge. I got scales. I'm going to go out. Some girl had to be the first girl to get a face tattoo. You could be the first girl to get scales. Probably a really long time ago. Some bitch got a face tattoo.

Well, most likely. Tribal. Yeah, most likely tribal. Definitely a tribal. Maybe like one of those polyandrous tribes. What is this, Jamie? That's what it looks like inside. Snake with alligator inside of it?

Yeah. It does take three days for it to break down. Yeah, that's what I figured. We'll give that to a powerful scientist. Doctor slash scientist. Coming into your lane. Better watch out. I'm a doctor and a scientist.

And you know all about gut acids. I know about gut acids because I'm Italian. I've got agita. Agita. I haven't heard agita in forever. Agita. Agita's a real thing. That's science

That's Sicilian science He's got the Fucking ajita I can't eat You know Meatballs They give me the ajita You know

What's crazy about The Everglades Is if this is how It is now Imagine when it's Going to be like 20 years from now And these things

Just keep breeding Yeah it's going to Take a few generations For that to balance Back out They need to put Some wolves in that area And get it all

Back to where it should be Well they have Crocodiles in there now too There's been Confirmed sightings Of Nile crocodiles Generations for that to balance back out. They need to put some wolves in that area and get it all back to where it should be. Well, they have crocodiles in there now, too. There's been confirmed sightings of Nile crocodiles. Not American crocodiles. Nile crocodiles for the same reason. Dude, that's wild. Where the alligators are?

Yeah. That's fucked. Yeah, it's fucked because those are the ones that eat zebras and shit. Yeah, they're going to eat everything. They're going to be eating. Watch. Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

Yeah, they don't. Definitely. They'd be raping everybody in here. Remember that he he i mean he this is what i'm saying he found elaine and he capitalized off of that little moment he did for a little bit yeah for a hot minute and now we know who he is by just saying a phrase yeah i met him you did yeah i met him at one of the ufcs oh that's wild how was he a gentleman or very nice guy who's super'm sure. Like, what the fuck is going on here? Why am I here? Everybody knows me.

Like, he went from being just a regular guy talking about break-ins. Yeah, he was on the news. They interviewed a dude on the news. And he was so funny that he became, like, a viral star. And then next thing you know, like, Dana White flew him out to the UFC. We were hanging out with him backstage. That's hilarious. And he was like, what is this life? Wow about that like cash me outside girl she is a she's a she's a

rapper she's got like 20 million followers on instagram dude and she's rapping she's got a giant billboard on sunset one of them buildings where they have the whole thing it's like body b body how do you baby bad baby bad bobby bad, bitty, bippity boppity boo? Whatever her fucking name is. But you know, sometimes when I work out, I put female rapper station on Spotify and she pops up. Look at it. Look at his hair now. Live in your truth.

I love it. Hold on a second. Formerly gay. Yep. Antoine Dodson. Antoine Dodson announces his baby boy's birth after expressing his desire to get married. That's a confusing headline but live it do it a formally gay well you know he looks great there you should be open to change

people should be uh do you think that someone can be gay and then that it could switch over absolutely and they stop being gay and they start being attracted to women well absolutely why not we're on a dot suspended in nothing that's expanding why not why not why is that so stunning to think right like what is that possible because i think what you just said people exist some people exist in these comfortable bubbles and they have the routines and they fear change because of the exhaustion because of what it takes and then when they hear somebody else live in a life that's outside of their little bubble regimen, they freak out because maybe it reflects their own inability to change themselves

or their fear of changing. So I think a lot of that where people look at someone like Antoine Dodson who's in a wig and wears lip gloss are like, what's that? First of all, you don't know that's a wig. That's hurtful. It could be his real hair. Did I trigger you? Do you have a hair sensitivity? He has the exact same hair as Beyonce. could be his real hair did i trigger you that's his hair sensitivity

same hair as beyonce it's his real hair i think the same thing when i wake up she's real too by the way that's a real woman okay respect respect yeah better watch out those hips will snap you can you can turn on people that way yes by bringing something up that they didn't even say yep and then saying don't ever fucking say anything about her right but i didn't you're like what are you talking about all of a sudden you're on a defensive be careful people like that people are crazy they are i know what you're gonna say next you're gonna say yes that's mental illness you're gonna say that donald trump is a strong leader what i wasn't gonna say that you're like wait a minute you're gonna say that we need border security i know what the fuck you're doing racist like no no no no you're like i'm just

trying to have a conversation here i mean we need some border security don I know what the fuck You're doing racist Like no no no no You're like I'm just Trying to have a conversation here I mean we need Some border security Don't we What the fuck God damn it People get mad Go down that wormhole

With crazies Dude you ever see What the border looks like In Canada The middle of the forest I would imagine Just like maple syrup Fountains

No it's paved It's like not paved It's like trimmed All the trees are trimmed So people can see And hop over And it's like 100 paved. It's like, not paved. It's like trimmed. All the trees are trimmed. So people can see and hop over? And it's like 100 yards wide. There's like a path that's 100 yards wide that is like the border between us. Like, say if this table was like barren and there's forest on this side and forest on that side.

That's what the path is like. The entire length of the connection between the United States and Canada. That's trippy. It's crazy. That's trippy. Also, did you just call me barren? No, I didn. That's a, that's trippy. It's crazy. That's trippy. Also, did you just call me barren? No, I didn't. I said, it's barren, not you.

I was like, true. Probably. That's wild. Have you seen it in person? No, no, no. I just found out about it like two weeks ago. That's really cool. Crocodiles apparently can't regrow their limbs.

Oh, that's a bummer. Are you sure? I just looked it up. Even their tails? Other amphibians can, but crocodiles and alligators can't i guess they're not they can live without a limb or two it says but they can't regrow that's a bummer hmm you would think they would because you would think like genetically they're similar like salamanders on a couple websites i mean i'm not i'm not the scientist here well we know you aren't because he's sitting right here i'm not a scientist either.

There can't be two scientists. I'd like to be a doctor of something, though. It sounds good. You're a doctor of comedy. Look at that. There's the path. That just looks like a power line path. It looks like cocaine.

Like a big line? Yeah. It's just snow. Look at this. No touching zone. I have the no touching zone, too. That's the zone right there. That's all my zones. Isn't that crazy? That's the border between the no touching zone too That's the zone right there That's my

That's all my zones Isn't that crazy That's the border between Beautiful That's beautiful By the way If you go up there That is God's country

That is spectacular I would love to blaze a blunt And walk that whole fucking thing It'll freak you out Do you ever go Hiking deep in Where you got no cell phone reception And you get to

Not like Where it's that deciduous But like in You know like Look at you Deciduous, but like in, you know, like... Look at you, deciduous. Second big word of the day. Shut up, Joe Rogan. This bitch is slinging the big words.

I know I'm in overalls, but I am somewhat well-read. I'm a fucking doctor. I forgot you were a doctor. I'm a doctor. I'd like to be a doctor of something. I feel you're a doctor of... I feel you're a doctor of comedy, for sure.

I don't have it, though. There's no... I know there's no mastering. You and I have talked about this before, and, you know, I said comedy for sure I don't have it though there's no there's no I know there's no mastering you and I've talked about this before and you know I said something like I don't know you were like how's comedy I'm like I'm just trying to figure it out you're like none of us ever will I I'm not saying that like you're the end of it but I think I was watching you on stage at the comedy store and and Hinchcliffe was next to me and um you know you're doing your set killing and having a having a great show and this woman yells out in next to me. And, you know, you're doing your set killing and having a great show. And this woman yells out in the middle of a joke.

And you just kept fucking going. You were so disciplined. You didn't miss a beat. You didn't acknowledge her. You didn't give her any sort of energy or attention. You just were so, like, in your joke. And I just looked at Tony, and he was like, I know, everybody else would have went to her, you know, totally just, like, abandoned their joke and messed i just looked at tony and he was like i know everybody else would have went to her

evade you know totally just like abandoned their joke and messed up the flow but you just in that day i was like damn i need to i need to stick to my jokes more than like indulging people who are yelling at me from the audience sometimes you have to indulge it and sometimes they are also gonna ruin it for the people around them that's the number one thing to like when people go yeah you just can't fucking hang like people have said that to like chris they are also going to ruin it for the people around them. That's the number one thing to, like when people go, yeah, you just can't fucking hang.

Like, people have said that to like Chris D'Elia. This lady called him, what did she say? She goes, you're a planner, not a comedian. A real comedian

can deal with someone yelling something out. Okay. Chris told her to shut the fuck up and get out of there and they kicked her out and that was her thing that you're a planner.

A planner? And so now that I'll text Chris D'Elia out of nowhere, you're a fucking planner bro you're such a planner comedians are the most unorganized people ever if anything they're the worst planners sometimes you have to address them sometimes you do the real problem is that they're they're fucking it up for the people around them they think they're just they're interacting with you but they're not taking into consideration the fact that even if you don't like what someone's saying let them say it because there's 300 other fucking people in the room and you you don't get to decide you're not the program director right you don't

get to decide what you like or don't like just because you're in front of that person you yell something out if the whole audience is sitting there watching the performance and the guy is working his way through some material there or the woman by the way sorry um let them fucking finish their shit man do you find you have which gender yells out more or is it equal oh it's equal it's just dummy equal men to women yeah mine i find most women really yeah i'd say for, it's been like 95% women. I think I'd probably say, maybe there's a little bit of a number difference in favor of men doing it. Obviously, you probably have a more male-dominated audience than I would. Yeah, but guys bring their girlfriends. The girlfriend's like, fuck him.

You really listening to that? You're always listening to him. He's a fucking idiot. He's an asshole you're always listening to him he's a fucking idiot he's an asshole do you really believe what he's saying enough people just listen you can get confused and think you know what the fuck you're talking about that's what he is that's exactly what he is just because a lot of people are listening to him doesn't mean he knows what the fuck he's talking about and you worship him like oh my god do you love him are you in a bromance that's embarrassing you should be embarrassed of yourself i don't give a fuck what joe rogan it's not a real man

bringing that up god he's gross disgusting he's very angry ew he looks like a man ape ew ew also the appeal is that you look like a man ape. Well, I get it, gals. I don't want to listen to fucking Taylor Swift songs either. I get it. You know? Don't lie. If you're in the car and she's like, haters gonna hate me. You rock out to Taylor. She's got a few songs that are not bad.

You've got daughters in your house. I know you dance to Taylor Swift. I probably have if I've been hammered. The thing is, it's not my thing. It's not what I would listen to all the time. It's not my thing It's not like What I would listen to All the time Like it's not my go-to You know And people

Have different go-to's Doesn't make it right or wrong But if you get dragged Into someone else's go-to You gotta grin and bear it Anybody ever take you To a musical Jesus

Fucking Christmas Man It's a thing I went to The one musical I went to like Three musicals One of them

I only went to Because Stamos was in it You should tell everybody Jessie Mae might have A bit of a stalker issue With John Stamos I am not He

Listen It's stalker-esque I am not stalking He's a very nice man He reached out to me When my father passed He was very nice to me He sent a message

He was very very nice Well but All joking aside You do have About a hundred photoshops of you with john stamos in various positions in bed on a plane together on vacation i'm sorry caitlin hugh um yeah my fans my fans make you know they superimpose me i find a photo of his it's funny and i'm like put me in this there's one where he posted a picture of him on bed like from

like the full house era i was like somebody put me on the bed and then i apologized to caitlin i always apologize to his wife and child i mean for the most part i try to joke but it's a long running joke that you've been doing for years now are you kidding me like i loved him as a kid and i i i told this story before but i have a i had a poster of him above my bed as a kid that i literally kissed so much i wore a hole in his mouth don't you be rude don't you be rude joe rogan you never licked something to its completion dude you ate through the paper were you licking it i don't I was obviously doing all of the things okay

yeah all of the things yeah but I went to a musical he was in Bye Bye Birdie very delightful very talented man and then I went to

a couple others but they are I fell asleep in the other ones they're ruthless they are and the intermission kills me

it's like why don't we just get it done let's just go straight through yeah I think I would have liked to see the Book of Mormon

that's like oh yeah you know that's the exception I saw that it's awesome yeah i would imagine they're geniuses those guys are geniuses yeah it's it's just really well read too or really well written rather it's really funny it's a really good story and they have information in there they obviously did their homework but i saw cats once when i was on a date i was probably like 19 fuck that fuck cats in general.

Cats are scary in real life. Why do you want to go see them sing? And they're standing upright. That's a nightmare. You're a dog person, not a cat person. Is that what you're saying? I would like a hairless cat. I would like a sphinx.

I think they're cool. They shit in a box in your house. Perfect. So do I. You want a box of shit and piss in your house? I'm going to change my toilet to be Roman. Fuck yeah, I'm going to shit in a box. A bucket.

Yeah, they shit in a box, but that's a great thing. It's gross. Sometimes my dogs crap on the carpet if they're irritable. But cats are weird, man. Cats, I don't know if you can trust a cat. You can trust some cats. You have a couple cats, don't you? Yeah.

You've got a fucking zoo. I'm so jealous. I want to come over and just pet everything in your house. Well, two of my dogs died recently. Oh, I'm sorry. Within the last, I guess it was probably almost a year now. It was Marshall's dad? He didn't understand what was was going on he looks like he's just pure joy and happy he is all the time he's the happiest dog he's he's so he brings me joy i just started

following him on instagram he's so happy i follow your dog on instagram he's my buddy he's he's it's so weird like you can see you guys have a straight bond he He's so affectionate. Do you run him off leash in the morning when you go? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No tick issue? No, he's got tick medication that he's taken. But we have caught him with a couple of ticks on him. With all that luxurious hair, those ticks are probably like,

we struggle, bitch. He loves it, though. You've never seen anything in his pure joy as that dog is like running through the canyons he just loves it he's so happy he's so how do you keep him so clean i mean i know you got that like joe rogan experience money but he is luxurious it's called water well i mean it's all it takes everyone else pet owners have water and i've seen these mangled beasts they really don't and they wonder why they lash out yeah marshall's not like for cats when you die cats will start eating your face in like

16 hours dogs wait about a week that long yeah they probably don't even wait that long dogs yeah they love you a little bit more they won't eat you right away i don't even know if marshall would eat you i think you'd wait i wouldn't even know what you were probably wouldn't understand it he would just keep throwing balls at you just rolling them over to you he would just whine my he woke me up yesterday. It was fucking really annoying. Whining you? He just decides to get up. Like, I got home from the comedy store at like 2, and then I watched some goofy, I've

been on this UFO documentary kick. Watching UFO documentaries? Yeah. I told you it was David, I started talking about it. Yeah, we were talking about that. What were you, did you have something specific that you saw recently in the documentary? Yeah, two of them. One of them is Area 51, Bob Lazar and Area 51 and Flying Saucers.

It's a documentary on this guy who claimed that he worked on these alien ships in Area 51 in the 1980s. That gave me chills. And as time's gone on, more of the things that he said have proven to actually be true. Like what? Including an element that he talked about, element 115, I think it was called. Like an organism from outer space?

No, no, no, an element, like a man-created element, you know, like there's carbon. Right. Yeah, well, there's an element that they created that he talked about way before it was ever publicized. And he talked about this thing and then it turned out to be true. he talked about way before it was ever publicized and he talked about this thing and then it turned out to be true he talked about these um there's these um uh hand monitors

that you would put your hand on this thing and these lines these metal lines would detect the distances in the bones of your fingers the exact distances and everyone is different it's like a signature thing and that they could find out if it was you or not you that was trying to go through so the way they would scan people the bioscan would literally measure the bones and their fingers and people said that was horseshit he talked about this in the 1980s people said it was horseshit but then later on turned out no they did have that in los alamos they did have that in in area 51 and that this technology was very very advanced very not just very advanced but very not it was not well known at all like very few people

did this guy who was creative of this documentary was very difficult for them to get photos of this hand scanner but this hand scanner did exist and existed exactly as this guy described it in the 80s i mean that's super progressive for that time there's also people that did approve his top secret clearance to get to this place they know that he actually worked there there's people that um worked in the same los alamos lab with him they tried to say he never worked there but his name's on the manifest it's very strange it's like they've tried to erase parts of this guy's past because he filmed a bunch of their crafts as they were flying around. He knew what days. This is the thing.

That thing right there, you put your hand on that, and it actually measures the distance of the size and length of your bones. That looks like something that's inside of an escape room in L.A. It does. It's hilarious. It's so true but i went into this documentary skeptical as you should yeah but i am i'm so done with all those things but listen to this guy talk for a while after a while i was like what if he's telling the truth like what if he is actually telling the truth because if he's actually telling the truth there is some part

of the government that had access at least in the 1980s to alien technology i mean it probably is there probably is some truth to that crazier things have happened and also like just your mentality of believing him is probably the same thing that made dr malachi lovejoy robinson the third become successful con artist yeah i mean either dude, there's validity of what he's saying in this documentary, which I can't wait to watch, or he's just really great at painting a picture. Some people are so good at convincing you of truths. True. There's people with borderline personality disorder and every sort of spectrum in between

there. They become really good manipulators. That is true. However, usually they do that in more than one avenue. Absolutely. of spectrum in between there they become really good manipulators that is true however usually they do that in more than one avenue absolutely and this guy's not doing that yeah so if it's just a documentary then yeah also hasn't varied his story like i mean he might have like changed the way he says things in terms of like the words he chooses but the actual story is exactly the same as he was telling a long time ago. Is this a self-produced documentary?

Or is there a production company involved? No, a production company involved. See, that's where it's like, okay, there's probably some validity to this. But this guy's been around for a long time. I remember reading about him and watching videos about him, you know, 20 years ago. I mean, don't you think you're somebody who you said, you know, and I know this about you, you love space. You're obsessed with that, the idea of what we are in the solar system and beyond. you're obsessed with that the idea of what we are in in the solar system and beyond like how impossible is it to think that there could be a creature that could breach our atmosphere with

some advanced technology and be able to just sort of chill you know scoot around scoot scoots magoots check us out and fucking peace out back up to wherever they're from i don't think that's how they would do it but yeah i know what you're saying. You know exactly. They scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot. Yeah, they just kind of cruise around, you know, they're looking at us. Well, he had an interesting analogy. He said, if you brought an atomic engine to these people that live in the Victorian era and said, hey, this is a nuclear power plant. Like, here, check this out. They would fuck with it.

They'd wind up getting sick from radiation. They'd wind up dying. No one would understand what it was or how it worked. They would never figure it out. Right. He goes, why would we assume that this is only from that one time with this one device? Why wouldn't we assume that there'd be some other technology that maybe we'll create someday in the future i'm paraphrasing him very poorly it's okay or

someone else from another planet would create that we wouldn't understand at all and he said that's what we were dealing with when we're trying to back engineer the propulsion systems that these things use they use some gravity-based propulsion system. And it was something that would manipulate gravity in front of it. It's very, look, I don't, I'm too stupid to know the science of it. I don't know if he's telling, like if you were a scientist. You're a scientist, you're supposed to know these things. Not yet. I have to get my degree.

Joseph Rogan. I need to get a degree so I can call myself a doctor. You should. I just want to get an honorary one like Cosby had. It's gone now. He doesn't have it anymore. They took that shit back. The honorary ones they could take back.

Yeah, take them back. He can't keep those. Yeah. He can't keep that. Actually, I think he wrote an essay, and that's how they gave him his doctorate. I mean, gross. But that's neither here nor there. Probably got more than one doctorate.

Yeah, sure he did, and he didn't deserve them. But I think, I mean, there's got to be stuff out there. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. But I think, I mean, there's got to be stuff out there. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. But I like to say there's not. It's like, ah, stop. You think this is just it? No, no, I don't think it is.

But it is entirely possible. I use that phrase too often. It's entirely possible? Yeah. You got to get a mashup of all of those. Oh, it's already out there. Is it? Yeah. It's hilarious. It's like 150 000 of them that needs to be on a shirt it's possible that we're

the we're the most advanced that's possible too because something has to be the most advanced absolutely and something has to be the least we could also be on that part of the spectrum maybe we're the last to evolve it's 100 100 possible if there's if there's an infinite number of life forms out there like if there's an infinite number of planets and there's an infinite number of earth-like planets that can you know have beings like us on it who's to say that we're not the most advanced maybe they're all like people from the 1820s yeah they haven't caught up to chiseling shit they They're still doing, you know. I don't think they chiseled in the 1820s.

Stone and chisels. But I'm talking like old, old shit. They don't even have pens and papers yet. Like the orangutan that was fishing with a spear. Exactly. There's just a bunch of advanced orangutans that are like, you know, putting hieroglyphics in caves. It's possible. It is very possible.

It's totally possible. Because we're just basing it off of our own experience and perception of what we have been exposed to. We have no idea. You know, the other really interesting scenario is that they're time travelers. Oh, that's really exciting to think about. What they are is some being from the far distant future that understands that they could come back and observe us and see where things went wrong, where things went right but do so in a way that's as minimally intrusive as possible and occasionally interfere that's things that gives me chills that freaks me out once you start fucking with time and our perception of it and

how it exists and like being able to hop along that spectrum of it it freaks me should the fuck out there's this movie i saw called a ghost story and it's not a horror movie it's kind of about that patrick swayze no no it's a casey affleck in runamara i think runy runy mara it's an indie wasn't in it no no that's ghost oh i miss patrick swayze so much do you miss him i miss him he's one of those actors i love if you could bring patrick swayze back and and take away your full house boy how dare you what's his name again joseph nathaniel rogan i don't know his middle name i mean that's a tough call i mean sway, Swayze gave us, he gave us Dirty Dancing. He gave us, look at that.

Beautiful face. What a beautiful man. He could move those hips. That was when he was a surfer. Remember? That was Point Break. Yeah, he was the rebel surfer. Dude, do you remember the video on Saturday Night Live of him and Chris Farley doing the Chippendales audition?

Iconic. That's iconic comedy that is like such a great crossroads between beauty and the beast he went chris farley chris farley put it all out on the table during this sketch it is so funny i miss i really do miss patrick swayze but i crazy that he was so fit but yet he smoked cigarettes he did it did he really yeah he probably died of cancer he probably smoked cigarettes to stay fit some people get stuck in that you know they are afraid of letting it go because they think it helps with their physique and maintaining the look oh a lot of models do that staying skinny yeah because you know it's a it's an upper

yeah increases your heart rate and all that and what not It also kills your appetite I think Totally It kills your taste buds You can't taste anything Everything is destroyed Including ass Maybe you should smoke That's the only way You should lick ass

Is by smoking cigarettes So you don't taste it Imagine if it kept you From getting those brain cysts Like you have to You have to choose God this is brutal dude You're making me lose

Stamos and get hookworm I'm just saying Stamos or Swayze Stamos all day bro Really Stamos for lifeamos or Swayze? Stamos all day, bro. Really? Stamos for life. Wow. Sorry, Swayze.

See you on the other side. Whoopi and I will be messaging you later. Stop for a moment and really reconsider what you're saying. Think about the great films that Swayze provided us with. Okay, I will say- You fucking selfish bitch. I will say- Oh, no.

All of mankind's entertainment falls on my shoulders dude roadhouse I know I know and like also you know

roadhouse now I feel bad well when you look at his IMDB come on dude pull up that poster for roadhouse please you're either going

through 10 seasons of full house or roadhouse you have a choice either full house or roadhouse oh no seasons of Full House or Roadhouse. Roadhouse. You have a choice. Either Full House or Roadhouse. Oh, no. It's Full House or Roadhouse. Dude.

I mean, okay. Red Dawn. Indulgently and selfishly, it's Stamos. But on an overall spectrum, it's Swayze all day. For mankind. For mankind. Yeah. I will.

I'm sorry, Caitlin. I'm going to have to go with Swayze. Swayze all day. That's what we said we were going to start doing, Jamie, is doing fight companions for terrible movies. Oh, Swayze against Stamos. We should get barbecued and play Showgirls. That just had its 25th anniversary.

You have to. People don't even know. Dude, Showgirls is a cult classic. It's an amazingly bad movie. It's so epically bad it's kind of like what how i felt when i watched the dirt recently it ended this gal's career it did it basically no not at all didn't it no did she take off after that she stayed she stayed pretty plateaued but she was she was on her way to being a gigantic superstar

she was the star of this movie. She's super hot. She's half naked. I think she took this movie. I'm speculating, but I thought she took this movie because it was going to be the next thing. And it ended up being such a brutal failure that maybe, I don't know. It's so good. It's so bad, it's good.

It's crazy. And it's got great actors in it, too. Like Kyle McLaughlin. Kyle McLaughlin. Kyle McLaughlin. That guy's a great actor. It's epically bad. She's not a bad actress.

Gina Gershon. Gina Gershon's in it. Dude, she was in that. She's amazing. She was in Bye Bye Birdie with Stamos on Broadway. She was amazing. What's the cast? Scroll back all the way up to the top.

That is a great cast. Just go to the all, not just images. I mean, her body was amazing in this, obviously. Yeah. It's kind of like, remember Demi Moore when she did that stripper movie as well? Oh, I thought you were going to say G.I. Jane. She was amazing in G.I. Jane. Yeah, I don't recognize.

But didn't Demi Moore do a stripper movie too? My favorite part, G.I. Jane, Elizabeth Berkley. My favorite part in G.I. Jane was when she says, suck my dick. I was like, hmm. I need to put that on a t-shirt now When she says Suck my dick I was like Hmm Strip ties I need to put that On a t-shirt now She said suck my dick

In that movie Yeah She was like On her way to being A Navy SEAL Remember That's great She's doing all

G.I. James She's going through boot camps Suck my dick I remember those like She says suck my dick Strip tees That's right Strip tees

Dude Demi Moore's body In strip tees Was all The things She was so banging in that movie she's so beautiful yeah i remember i just i i mean this movie burned into your head it's just one of those movies that i i remember she's she was like jacked in that movie and in in dancing very awkwardly the very awkward stripper dance that happened. What's going on with that outfit? It looks like she belongs on a wedding cake.

That's like something on a television show. It looks like Telemundo. What do you think she's doing these days? Some people get super, super famous with her everywhere and then they go, I'm done. I think she's just chilling. You think so? I hope so. I hope she's just chilling and just kind of...

Was she going to do another movie? Maybe. Maybe. In Indy? Is that okay? Yeah, absolutely. Maybe she should do an Indy. Why should she have to do an Indy?

I don't know. Cause it would tap into a different era we haven't seen in her career. What are you, a manager now? You're a manager and a doctor? You're asking me where she's good, where she is. She's taking a break. You know, we got a couple of projects on the table. I don't know what you're saying.

I don't know what she's going to do. I don't know either. I didn't expect you to defend yourself that way. What the fuck? Maybe she's going to do an indie? I don't know. And I'm like, no one's pressuring you, Jessie Mae. This is marijuana.

You're still high. It's three hours later. I've been high for four days. Who's your celebrity crush? I don't have one. You don't? No, I'm good. You don't have like a fantasy chick?

No. Maybe Madonna from the 80s. Wow. She was young. Bold choice. Pointy bra. Also, you know that she was never going to get hooked on you. She'd take off.

Yeah. You'd be like, yeah, okay. Non-committal. Go do your thing. Take care. I liked her because I knew she wouldn't like me. Yeah. I knew she wouldn't like me Yeah I knew she wouldn't like me for long That's a real strategy

That some men employ Like this one's not going to last It's great That's an honest answer It really is Yeah that's the allure of the positive independent woman Powerful positive independent woman She's not needy

She's not going to need me She's not needy at all She not going to need me. Yeah, she's not needy at all. She's like, yeah, well, see ya. There she is. Dirty. Yeah, look at that outfit. That's Madonna from the, that's all real, too. Oh, yeah, that's from her closet, for sure.

She's in, like, dude's briefs and some, like, doilies on her legs. And apparently she liked the fuck, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, she liked to smash. She had Warren Beatty, Sean Penn, bad boys. Did you see this movie? This is the three identical strangers movie? Yeah, these are the twins that that documentary is about. You haven't seen Three Identical Strangers?

No, I heard it's amazing. I almost brought it up the other day, because you guys started talking about something. I forget which podcast it was. This movie sort of bleeds into, not spoiler alert, because this movie's mouth is a little bit, but like genetic testing type shit. Back in the bit. We can't spoil it, right? Genetic testing type shit.

Yeah. Back in the day, like in the 50s, right? They were doing it like in the 50s and 60s in like an orphanage. Yeah, I need to find some time to watch that because everybody recommends it. Just when you think, like a revelation happens

and you're like, what the fuck? And then another one happens, you're like, this has got to stop. Damn. And then you're just like, holy fuck? And then another one happens. You're like, this has got to stop. And then you're just like, holy hell. And then it's just a thing where if somebody wants to get something done, sometimes they take really drastic measures.

It's selfish and it's terrible and it breaks all ethical rules. But I don't know. Did they do it? Well, we're spoiling alert. It's fine. It's been out for a while. Did they do it as Well, we're spoiling alert. It's fine. It's been out for a while. They do it as an experiment on these guys on purpose? Yes.

There was a psychologist who wanted to find out stuff. Who was running an orphanage and withholding information from the families? Oh, my God. Just to find out how it would work out? Well, what they were doing was nature versus nurture. to find out how it would work out? What they were doing was nature versus nurture. They were seeing what effects it has on a child based on how it's raised.

Wow. Also by the socioeconomic status of the family, about the neighborhood it's in, about the type of unit, the love, all of those factors and what results it has on the individual, right? Wouldn't you say, Jamie, that's kind of... And the data, they have a bunch of data,

apparently, somewhere, and it never came out. It's missing. It's gone. The files are just gone. It's disappeared. Years of them basically ruining the lives of children and the effects of that is just dissipated into thin air. It's such a heartbreaking story. But it's also very interesting.

And that's what I'm saying. Like, how would you ever... Not that that that needs to happen but there is a question i mean you're a father find out unless someone did something like that right you just guess i mean we could look at like all the things that are happening in society especially with like mass shooters and people who commit these random acts of violence and go back to their upbringing and their rearing i'm pretty sure i would take a gander and i guess that they probably weren't raised with the most amount of love there's certain things that you don't really know how it's going to work out yeah until you experiment yeah and that's what i was saying like it's a little brutal but right well people are scared of that kind of thinking because that's

where hitler came from yeah that kind of thinking like i mean you hear about some of the experiments they did on people oh man that man. That was just scary. This doctor supposedly, I think, came in with the Operation Paperclip group of scientists. Oh, Jesus. No way. It goes that deep into it. Oh, my God. That's horrible. It's pretty fucked up.

It's, you know. Do you know what Operation Paperclip was? Wasn't that something like a Hitler thing back in the day with babies? No, no, no. What was it? It was Nazi scientists that were taken from World War II. So, the United states took nazi science including werner von braun who's the head of nasa right a bunch of other scientists and all

these nazis that were working for germany making rockets and involved in like high level science i never brought them over to america and sort of whitewashed the whole thing they called it operation paperclip holy hell werner von braun when he was at the head of nasa he was a fucking They brought them over to America and sort of whitewashed the whole thing. They called it Operation Paperclip. Holy hell. Werner Von Braun, when he was at the head of NASA, he was a fucking legitimate Nazi. The Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today, they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity. I feel like there's still a sprinkling of people in there from that sort of background. They've chased those guys down to the far ends of the earth dude that's scary those are very powerful positions to be in to have that sort of mentality driving it that's scary as fuck for sure you know what's really crazy is argentina argentina and

south america a lot of nazis went to argentina and south america they fled germany and tim kennedy who's a good friend of mine who's a a former UFC fighter, who was a soldier, he was on a show called Finding Hitler where there was, there's been speculation over the years because so many Nazis landed in South America that Hitler had escaped and lived out his life in, you know, protected by other nazis in these south american towns is that there's towns in south america think that dude there's towns in south america

where they all they do is speak german they they have oktoberfest they have uh photographs on their walls of their grandfather in ss garb that is very very scary oh dude it's crazy that's very scary he blew me away when i when i when he was telling me about this and he's a no-nonsense guy so when he's explaining he's like you gotta understand you're coming to these towns everyone is german oh my god they all look like germans they all talk german they all have german like houses and german like the the like german style stuff in their house.

That's bizarre. I mean that's fucking crazy. That had to be what happened. I'm a believer. No no no it's maybe not what

happened to Hitler. Right. They're pretty sure that Hitler died. But I'm sure they relocated. That's definitely what happened.

No they did. Yeah. See if you can find that. Yeah Jamie will find something. That is so. Dude it'll blow you

away. What? This is South America. Look it looks like a German town. It it looks like a German town It does look like a German town Dude it's crazy There's a whole village

Of these fucking people I mean And there's not just one There's many many Of these little Little pockets That looks like An Oktoberfest bar

Look at that That's really bizarre I mean that one looks A little Japanese That Well there's videos though That looks German It's really crazy

They're drinking out of steins And like the whole deal That's really wild Dude it's really crazy. They're drinking out of steins and the whole deal. That's really wild. Dude, it's crazy. Well, obviously, we couldn't get them all. I mean, they had to flee somewhere. And they're going to set up shop, make it their homogenous. They saw the shit was about to hit the fan and said,

Listen, I know a place. We can get some cool margaritas. We can catch some fucking toasty waves. Cool margaritas! Let's do it. Y'all want a day drink? Let's bring never knew that oh it's yeah i didn't know it either it's crazy that is really crazy jesse may i think there's too much to know there is too much to know but that's one of the great things about the the stuff you talk about on this is you got just like a plethora of information.

Useless. Most of it's useless. Most of it's useless. I don't know if it's useless. Wasting time. It's useless if you don't do anything with it. Dude, I've been taking CBD with THC. Oh, that's great.

THC delivers it. Got a bit of a problem. What's the matter? I've been high every day for the last six days. Same. I pop these little tablets in the morning. It's CBD and THC. It's not a lot of CBD.

One to one? Yeah, it's one to one. Perfect. It's amazing. Yeah, they work with each other and the THC helps deliver the CBD and vice versa. You feel great. Yeah, you feel balanced. Yeah.

You feel energized, clear. I don't know about you. I feel clear. No, no problem in terms of like feeling foggy or fatigued no it's just the right amount but i fucked up and took one an hour before i went to bed last night i went to bed at a sensible time i knew i was going to do a podcast with jesse may i did as well i want to be awake and fresh and then i got you baked so that's fine but i went to bed and uh i had taken one like an hour or so before I was in bed.

I woke up two o'clock in the morning. Bang. Ready to go. Freight train fill of ideas. Was it panic here? Did you write some stuff down? I wrote. That's cool.

I keep my laptop right now by the bed. I started doing that too. Just near in the bathroom next to the bed. Yeah. I literally, if usually everyone's asleep i grab the laptop and i just go into the other room and i just start writing but i keep it in the bag i put it right by my bed so if i have an idea in my head twice i've written bits that came out to be like real legitimate bits because an idea came to me while i was lying there and i said i gotta

just try this yeah i just run in the other room, and I start writing, and then boom, it becomes a bit. Not always. That's wild. I mean, not always, sure. But twice over the last year, like legitimate bits have come out of just a random thought that was popping through my mind while I was laying in bed. Now, were you on the marijuanas both times? Yes.

I mean, there's something to it definitely when you when you have a moment to escape because our brains like inundated with information all the time just daydreaming being bored that's where the creativity for me is the most active like getting a good nap or even just in a dream you think of something like in the shower driving those are my ideas i've had this similar situation where i'm like oh this might be a good joke. Yeah, that's the argument for ignoring phones too, that you allow yourself to get bored. And when you allow yourself to get bored, then that's when these creative ideas will come.

Like if you're in your car, like that's the other thing about that little car that I was telling you about. Yeah. It doesn't have a radio. Ooh, that's great. Yeah, no radio. So you have to daydream. Yeah, not just daydream.

It's like you're tuned into the thing as you're doing it. And you think about stuff. Like I used to come up with some of my best bits when I first started doing comedy when I was delivering newspapers. I would deliver newspapers in the morning out of my car. I'd chuck them out the window. How old were you? 21. Wow.

And when I was doing that, I would come up with some of my best bits when I wasn't listening to the radio. I was just driving around. And then I'd have of my best bits when I wasn't listening to the radio. I was just driving around, and then I'd have an idea. Why is it that we, what the fuck is this about? I would just be thinking to myself, almost like those hours became productive. They are. Daydreaming is probably one of the most important things you can do for your brain, especially for creative people and people in general. You know, I think when you're doing something that requires you to do something mechanically like driving, even just washing your body, paper route, anything that you sort of have

to do this like regular machine thing, your brain sort of just can roam in the woods and just pick off little ideas off the trees And you know You're able to sort of Give your brain a break Yeah your brain Doesn't always need To be stimulated externally Ah

Fuck no That's probably One of the causes Of mental illness That probably Is attributed to A lot of Neurological issues

Down the road Probably yeah Your brain Needs a break Dude You know Those synapses can't be firing all the fucking time they got shit to do they got shit yo give them a nap give them a nap

i'm exhausted you know the brain needs a break but yeah i definitely i think of random things sometimes in the shower yeah you can you can do that while you're driving you could do that while you're in the shower running like i like to run and listen to books on tape but sometimes i just like to run and just listen to my voice just the breathing and then you get into this like meditated state yeah yeah that's deep deep bro oh it's so deep and on that note it's uh it's already noon it is dude fuck yeah it was like three hours of hanging out with you and still it's not enough we started a little late Because we had some

Try Crash caster And we also started late Because you had me on these These I was going to say machines Oh that's a sponsor So right

These These are amazing I have like Chronic stiffness In my neck from traveling And sitting awkward And Jamie was nice enough To give me one of these

You know Yeah they're awesome They're great for Like releasing These weird Hard toget muscles in your back. You lie on that thing and it digs in. It's real light, too. You can carry it and take it with you. Who was the first one?

Was it Michael Chandler told us about it? Yeah. He was the first guy. It's for the psoas muscle to target it. Yeah, that were were girls who like that v formation that muscle down there the dudes who have the v you probably don't get it because you're a guy yeah jamie was talking about i think that's not let's just go with that's what it is i thought you were a scientist i'm still studying i haven't been what kind of fucking podcast is

this i am a goddamn doctor jesse may tell everybody how they can find you on the internets. You can find me, my website's jessiemae.com. I'm at queefymae on Twitter. Queefymae on Twitter. You made fun of me

because of that. Instagram is jessiemaepaluso and you can check out my sharp tongue podcast. And she's touring all over the country, hilarious stand-up comedian,

my friend. I love you so much. You're one of my favorites. Thanks for having me on. This was such an honor. My pleasure. I'm glad we finally did it. Yeah, thank you. Bye, fuck friend. I love you so much. You're one of my favorites. Thanks for having me on. This was such an honor. I'm glad we finally did it. Yeah, thank you.

Bye, fuckers. I'm a scientist.