The Joe Rogan Experience - #1281 - Tom Papa

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

Tom Papa is a comedian, actor, writer and television/radio host. He is the host of the podcast “Come To Papa."

four three two one and we're live tom papa joe rogan good to see you buddy good to see you cracking lacking i know not too much cruising around we're talking about old bodies falling apart yeah i got a stem cell shot in my shoulder that's uh killing me right now yeah i can tell you're in pain yeah one shot just well i got several in both shoulders and this is not like anything like that's like a serious injury but they've been annoying me lately so i said fuck it let me just go in there every time i've done it it's made me feel better right how often do you have to go i've been doing it like once every six months

right yeah that's what i have been doing and then it kind of is okay for a while yeah right and once every six months seems to keep me in, but it's expensive. So is it not curing whatever? It's healing it, but then I'm being a moron and going back to working out hard. Right. But what we were just saying is that soft tissue heals. Like this is a soft tissue issue. Soft tissue is one of the best things for things like stem cell therapy Because you can actually

Regenerate tissue And it can heal things Where it gets a real problem My friend Miriam Nakamoto She brought over those snacks Those bags of snacks That were there She's a little snack company

She's a multiple time World Muay Thai champion Muay Thai Muay Thai Muay Thai Thai boxing You don't even know what that is Muay Thai now Never heard of that Muay Thai. Thai boxing? Uh-huh. You don't even know what that is? Muay Thai, no.

Never heard of that? Nope. You're so, you're so, what are you? White. Yeah, you're white, but you're also like a non-jock. Well, I was a jock my whole life. What would you do? I played football.

Oh, that's right. I played football forever and track and a bunch of stuff. Did you fuck your- But then I stopped. Did you fuck your body up at all? No, not too bad. My shoulders a little bit. My shoulders a little.

But that's pretty much it. My knees, you know, like I run a lot now. I've been running a lot for the last couple months. Yeah? What brought that on? I just want to be in better shape. I want to feel better. I dropped like 15 pounds.

Yeah. Burning up some of that sourdough. Exactly. I was like, maybe, maybe. maybe yeah your face looks thinner man yeah it looks good yeah congratulations that's awesome thanks man that's a cool thing once you get going right yeah get that momentum that's what's up well you know it's really was up was i was kind of cruising along and just like we lost five pounds just kind of like hanging around and then i realized i'm working out like this workout that i'm doing is would have been a warm-up when i was an athlete right like this wouldn't even have been a warm-up and i'm like oh that was pretty good and i was like i have to

stop being a sissy and try and really push a little more once you get a trainer yeah i don't like intimacy oh Oh, weird. That's real. Well, you know what else you can do? There's actually apps where you can follow an app, and the app will put you through a workout. Oh, yeah? Yeah. There's several of them now.

They're really good. Oh, cool. There's a bunch of really good ones. I don't have any affiliation with any of them, so I'm not naming any of them, but you can even get a yoga one. You can get a 90-minute yoga one you get a 90 minute yoga one right just do yoga and it talks you through the poses it's great yeah i used to do yoga all the time but i feel like i've got to uh i feel i have to shift into uh lifting weights again yeah like yeah

because i've just been dropping no but i just feel like you know a little bit i don't want to be yeah i don't want to be yeah i don't want to be the guy at the pool with no arms. You know what I mean? How many people have motivated themselves by going to the beach or the pool with very little clothes on? Like, thought about, fuck, summertime. Fuck, people are going to know. Yeah, exactly. I reveal my secret.

People are going to know what disgusts me about me. This is my gluttony. Look at it. This is my laziness. Look. This is what I did. Yeah. This is my gluttony. Look at it. This is my laziness. Look. This is what I did all winter. This is my poor food choices right here. Look.

I'm fine with it. This is drinking. This is the upper part. Yeah, this is the part right on the sides. But then when I started getting after and being like, don't be such a sissy. Work out. Try and push it. Then I wanted to do it more then i got

into it then i'm like all right let's go now i'm going further i'm going quicker but uh this has all been cardio yeah all cardio what about just body weight stuff like you know i mean it's not a bad idea to start off with body weight first of all push-ups yeah because you haven't really done much like that in a while yeah it's chin-ups push-ups and bodyweight squats really don't need much else really not really i've been doing more push-ups do you get a ferocious workout in with change grip push-ups chin-ups bodyweight squats just just those things does that mean i have to get one of those chin-up bars that goes in the doorway that yeah get a real one though because those things fall and people die.

I know, I know. Those ones that hang. Folks, listen to me. Yeah. Those ones that hang on the door jam. Yeah. I used to work construction. Those fucking things are not designed for you hanging on them. No.

They have little tiny nails. I'm not doing that. And guess what? People like me probably install them, and sometimes you don't hit a stud. Yeah. So that little tiny nail is going right into the fucking drywall. Yeah. And you're hanging that thing over there and it's pulling on that sucker.

No, then I'll mess my shoulder up. Get those fuckers that drill into the side of the door. You know what I'm saying? Like the ones that go right in the side. They screw it in this way. Oh, into the jam. And it's like four screws on each side. It's like, that'll hold your weight.

All right. That'll hold your weight. I'll get that. That won't work. Because you're pulling down on the wood yeah so the way those things

are it's like sitting on the wood you know those ones that hook over the top of the door that shit is a recipe for a broken neck I feel like that thing

was in like every 80's movie yeah I mean I'm sure they have good ones that do that I'm sure they do yeah

sure but you should really check out your fucking moldings first give those moldings why don't i just lay on the ground and do some push-ups yeah but a real chin-up bar man a real chin-up bar is is i mean if you just got one in a park just go to the fucking park it's you're outside they'll a lot of parks have like those chin-up bars those little setups where you could

do calisthenics yeah yeah nobody ever chin-ups are no joke nobody ever uses those those are great for working out i man. I know. They seem too simple. They seem like, oh, ladies, let's go over there. Bro, I go to Nautilus. I don't need this. Right, exactly. I do my leg extensions on Nautilus. I got my membership I use once a month.

Bodyweight squats seem easy when you do three. But when you do 100, they become very fucking hard. When you get to 70, you're like, oh, shit. You feel that burn, baby. And you start counting down in tens. I remember doing push-ups when we played football. And you would do 200. It would be like 200.

You'd break them up. In a row? No, break them up. How many do you do in a row? We do like 30. And then split them up. And that was a big-time workout. And now I'm doing like 25. I'm like, all right right i'm good for a couple days it's hard man it is getting anywhere more

than 30 push-ups it's like whoa shit starts getting crazy yeah yeah there was a lot of pushing yeah too like your body has to be conditioned for that and if it's not it lets you know you're like 33 your arms start shaking yeah the funniest part is cocky around 19 though you get to like 18 19 like bro i'm feeling fucking smooth it's so funny how whatever number you have in your head is where you start to right if you say i'm doing 20 you start shaking at 18 if you say i'm doing 25 you don't start shaking until 23 you know it's real mental thing. You know what's really fucking cool that I got? Rogue makes this thing that it's like a bamboo pole. And on the end of the pole, you put rubber straps.

You know those bands? And then from those bands, you hang kettlebells. Off of the bamboo stick? Yes. So as you're doing this bench was i can't push my lift my right arm up it's in pain right now otherwise i'll show you as you're doing this thing everything's all wobbly everything's super super wobbly because first of all the kettlebell is hanging from rubber right and the the stick this bamboo thing is super wobbly right and as

you lift weights with that it's really good for your stabilizing muscles it's called an earthquake bar that's earthquake bar oh cool or there's a version of it's a stabilizing muscle watch the video online or someone will take us offline yeah the earthquake bar yeah that's exactly the one i have we have that out there i'll show you to you afterwards it's really cool because even lightweight like if you had to do 70 pounds yeah like 35 on each side it's awkward but that that doesn't lightweight like if you had to do 70 pounds yeah like 35 on each side it's awkward but that doesn't look like something you want to use in your house you're going to ruin your floors put rubber on the floor rubber on the floor yeah put rubber

all over your house so nothing gets ruined did you do you have grandparents that put plastic over the furniture oh yeah my nana my nana in clifton, New Jersey. Yeah. Mine was in Newark. Yeah. Yeah. They put fucking plastic over the furniture. It was a big deal. You spent a lot of money on that couch. It's going to have to last our whole life.

I was always confused when I was a little kid. I'd sit on that couch. I'd be like, this is terrible. Especially in the summer with your shorts. Oh, it's the worst. And the back of your legs would just be sweating at Nana's house. And they eventually got kind of like yellowed by the sun and by use. Crackly.

So it was weird. Yeah. It was like, oh. You would like put like a jacket down and then you would sit on your jacket. That whole generation never had comfort. Right. Like their beds were hard. The pillows were shit.

Live through the fucking depression, man. Yeah. That's real. That shit. People starved to death. No. live through the fucking depression man yeah i don't think that's real that shit people starve to death like this was a barbaric time where where people were brought down to you know base humanity just survival rough and then you have like you have like 15 good years and then go into world war ii and they dealt with that so yeah they were like we don't need comfort we're not laying around in our sweatpants on beanbag chairs well they knew the importance of being

vigilant right like we all do you ever do you follow um david goggins online no david do you know who he is no david goggins is this navy seal who um now is more or less like a motivational and fitness influencer. Oh, the guy who runs with broken knees? Oh, he's a fucking savage. Yeah. I've seen some of his clips. How many 100 mile runs did he run in a row?

Oh, shit. Some fucking preposterous number. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't want to say because I can't remember at all. I want to say six or seven, but then it's like 12 or 13. Of 100 mile? I don't remember i don't want to say because i can't remember at all i want to say six or seven but then it's like 12 or 13 of 100 mile remember i don't remember at all but there are his whole thing is stay hard like he'll send me a text out of nowhere like just say stay hard motherfucker there's a lot of bitches out there yeah because like first of all yeah if you're a navy seal right this is the the pinnacle of hand-to-hand combat and armed forces. Those motherfuckers are all special humans.

And then on top of those motherfuckers being all special humans, there's guys that can just put a little of that message out. Like, hey, you are soft as fuck compared to how people used to be. You're all soft as fuck compared to those world war ii people those state you got to stay vigilant back then everybody had to stay vigilant yeah yeah you had to deal with just day-to-day life you had to deal with what was coming from hitler you had to tune in at a certain time to find out what was happening yeah everybody had to gather around the tv for the news that was all the news you got that's all the news you got you only got an hour's worth that was it they didn't know what the fuck was going on nothing nothing and they were better off for it and they and they you just they really

what's that i'm so tired of that what that they were better off for it i don't need to know not better off for it why way better off recognizing that you're luckier than those people having some fucking discipline watching a david goggins instagram clip and get your fucking shit together tom papa no i'm not i agree with everything you just said i agree with everything you just said but i'm saying you're better they were better off not being fed a news diet 24 hours a day yeah yeah mentally mentally we're the first human beings that have had to deal with this onslaught.

It's a double-edged sword because if you don't get fed that, you don't find out about Julian Assange getting kicked out of the embassy in London. You don't find out about a million different stories

that are in the news. It's a fun story. It's a cool story, but do I need to know it? It's a fun story. That's a quote for you from now on. Hey, what about Julian Assange? Tom Papa, hands up.

In quotes. It's a fun story. It's a cool story, but I don't need to know it. Holy shit. Really? You just redefined white privilege. You hit it on the head and lit it on fire. No, but seriously, what can I do about a lot of these you know look i think

it's good that information is flowing and that moves everybody forward but you know for me sitting in there trying to tell some jokes and feed my kids it's like do i need to know everything every trouble spot going around the world well it's like that is a very good question it's like how much responsibility do you have to be tuned in to all the events of the world and to act? Like, how much responsibility do you have outside of voting? And do you have the responsibility to vote? Because there's some people that are very interesting people that don't vote. Yeah.

You know? I don't agree with that. Yeah, it's a... I want to participate. I understand that. But I don't think Michael Malice votes. Doesn't he? Didn't he say he doesn't he does didn't he say he

doesn't vote i think he said he doesn't i forget his reasoning but it was very logical uh-huh no i understand the argument but i even and even if it seems kind of false and i just i think it kind of like mentally engages you in the world it's's like you should be trying to participate. I think his perspective is that as a commentator on the world, that'd be better off if he didn't actually vote and just look at it how he really sees it on both sides. Right. To stay impartial. Yeah. I'm sure I'm butchering the way he would phrase it.

Right. I think it's in the spirit of that. Yeah. If you vote, you don't have a right to complain. All right. Okay, that doesn't even make sense. That doesn't make any sense at all. That was deep.

Well, you know. But I think, but look, it's a lot. Look, I think it's trying to be a good person on just a person level and trying to take care of your family and work hard and be good with people and help your community. That's kind of the extent of what you can do. And hopefully that spreads out. But, you know. Right. Julian Assange.

Okay. Jesus, bro. Well, really. I mean, why is that? You know. Well. well really i mean why is that you know well like all those people that were talking about that generation that only got news during that six o'clock hour you know were they less citizens of the world because they only got that little dose i don't know they were less informed

and the idea is that more people can get away with things they shouldn't be able to get away with like what's happening right now with julian assange julian assange in anybody's estimation if you look at what he did he distributed information that was extremely interesting to most people in the world that didn't know about it right exposed a lot of scary shit yeah he supposed a lot of corruption exposed a lot of um i mean what what corruption did it expose i know it exposed there was that um was a collateral murder video that was the one of the first ones where they showed them shooting they shot at um these guys who they thought were soldiers and they were they were reporters uh-huh and it was sort of just the way they dealt with it it was very scary for

people watching that someone could just like dehumanize accidentally killing the wrong people right i make it like that was the military they were making it like you know hey but you kind of have to be in that mindset to be able to gun people down from the sky in the first place the whole look you gotta put yourself in the perspective of someone who has to do that job yeah and you take a regular person and then you train them to do that job and then you ask them to go and pull the trigger on people they're going to develop a coldness to them well yeah they have to yeah right but to see it so what julian assange did is he showed it to us and then he released all sorts of i mean i i haven't i'm embarrassed to say that i haven't really studied all the files and what was released and what wasn't.

Apparently, when Ben Shapiro was here, he said that people's names got put out. Apparently, that was someone hacked into WikiLeaks and released that information before they could redact the names. This is what I've been told by multiple sources. But again, I didn't look into it. I don't know if that was correct. So they're going to say that he was treasonous or that he was... I don't know what they're going to say.

I think the first thing was a sex charge. That's what they were trying to say, that he had sex with a woman. He wore a condom and then they had sex. And then they had sex in the morning with no condom. And she didn't consent to that that he just kind of did it or something i think it was something along i think they called it surprise sex uh-huh and if i'm butchering this i'm sorry um but the um that didn't make sense like that they would be going after him that way well it was obviously not about that yeah you go

after if you want to get somebody, you go after them for whatever. But I think they're saying, like, hacking charges now, right? I don't know. Isn't that what it is? He looked crazy in the embassy, right? He wouldn't clean up after his cat, and he was riding a scooter around. Is that true? I don't know.

Who knows what's true? I know that's part of the problem. But that was part of the little story that I caught. The little clip. Duncan was poetically describing what the embassy must have smelled like with Julian Assange's dirty cat shit wafting through the halls. This crazy asshole you have staying here. Who won't leave. Pamela Anderson comes over every now and then. They get their freak on.

The surveillance footage of Julian Assange skateboarding in the Ecuadorian embassy in London has been leaked. Kinda. Okay. Kinda skateboarding. Yeah, but here in London has been leaked. Kinda. Okay. Kinda skateboarding. Yeah, but here's the thing, man. Like, what do you want the guy to do? Is there a problem?

He's there for seven fucking years. No, he must have gone crazy. Yeah. I mean, that's like being, you know, under house arrest. Dude. I mean, it's amazing that he lasted that long. What they did, they waited him out, and then they were never going to wait him out. He was going to stay in there forever.

And then they just got sick of him they just got sick of him i think there was also a the ecuadorian president i think he took a photograph in front of uh like some lobsters and shit and it was from a leaked email and that photo got out and it was very embarrassing to him because his country's in a deep financial crisis oh and he's chilling in some four seasons somewhere eating lobster and lobster yeah yeah well i don't know i mean look isn't it funny that when you see pictures of trump he's eating kentucky fried chicken when you see pictures of this dude he's eating lobster that's hilarious trump Trump brings Kentucky Fried Chicken on his fucking private jet.

It's hilarious. He really loves that stuff. He loves it. He really does. He fucking loves fast food. Like when he got all those athletes when they came to visit him and the government was shut down

and he brought them all fast food, he didn't understand. They were like, what the fuck is this shit? And then he had another team showed up months later and he broke out of fast food again. The government was hoping.

Just imagine. The fucking, you're going to see the president of the United States, and you're a professional athlete, right? Your body literally is a temple. They were college athletes, but. Oh, they're college athletes. Yeah, but still. Still dialed in.

Listen, let's be real about that, huh? College athletes should get fucking paid. Yeah, exactly. That shit is crazy. That's the biggest robbery in all of athletics is college sports. Yeah, they get a chance to get into the NBA and the NFL. Yeah, they get a chance. They do.

But you're making billions off these kids. Fucking billions. Don't give them a sweatshirt. That's $20. Look at all that fucking fast food. I'm telling you, man. fucking fast food i'm telling you man this guy in terms of like material current and future it's almost like we gluttoned out it's almost like trump was ice cream like when he was in office he was so good for comedy that it was like there was so many trump jokes right now everyone's

like no more i can't do it i can't fit anymore i can't take another bite i need something else i can't have ice cream these are not one more bite yeah ice cream's gonna come chucking out of your throat it's really true it's so he's so fucking eccentric like good or bad just look at him as a human it's such a rare human being yeah you know i mean you see it with the with the hair and the fucking constant golfing even though he's shit he's shit on on fucking obama golfing and he's golfed way more than him he doesn't even try to pretend he's not a hypocrite no not at all he's just everything he's just the the fat american on a jet ski just letting it rip. Dude, it's hilarious. What's also hilarious is, and I think this is a real thing, Trump derangement syndrome.

I think it's real. You mean people that are obsessed with him? They're obsessed with, you know, this is the thing that's going to get him. He'll be out of office in three weeks. Instead of looking at it, this is the argument for a guy like michael mouse right that he's an objective analyst stepping back looking at this he doesn't he doesn't have a vested interest in this guy winning or that guy and winning he's just going what is this right sitting back and watching yeah this is if i'm going to take that position not emotionally involved

because some people get so emotionally involved they can't sleep they start crying and they think it's the end of the world i know the world is exactly the same we just have a different figurehead and i think it'll present challenges that'll make us more understanding of each other i really do that's what i really think i think there's there's good and bad about every situation but the pro i see is communication if we're just honest with the way we communicate i think people on the right and people on the left they share a lot in common there's a lot a lot that they share rather than what they don't share in common yeah you know the only thing they don't share is what they're watching well there's that too right and then it's also the vibe you get yeah like there's the vibe from

these whatever whether it's cnn whatever show you're into msnbc fox news they all give out a vibe yeah and that vibe is you know we are right here's what's going on here's why that's a problem right you know and everyone has a different problem and everyone thinks they're right right and then you have so you have different things you some of them have like eagles and flags and that's fox news yeah right like that's my style i'm into that kind of truth give me give me that shit yeah fucking yeah yeah come over here the right way yeah all right guys yeah yeah yeah let them move into your fucking neighborhood let them move into your fucking neighborhood, Rachel Maddow. Trucks and hats and guns and go.

So that becomes your team. That becomes your clan. Well, that's what it is. It's the team thing. Most of it. And the unfortunate part is both are saying, are spending so much time, rather than thinking about, this is the problem that we have to deal with. They're spending all their time thinking, those other people are assholes. Right, exactly. problem that we have to deal with they're spending all their time thinking those other people are assholes right exactly it's being it's the the venomous attacks against fellow americans because they have a slightly different view about health care that part is the the derangement of the

culture right now they're not enemies they're americans and you know we're all on team america exactly we're gonna agree to this fucking thing look at that bro exactly we're all on team America Exactly If we're gonna agree to this fucking thing Look at that bro Exactly We're all together I'll show you something bitch It is a wild country When you travel around

Look at my phone Watch this What do you got? Wow The flag blows in the wind bro It moves I believe in America as a concept I don't think it's a bad thing to believe in America as a concept

No come on I think we're getting better We're working on this I think this I believe in America as a concept. I don't think it's a bad thing to believe in America as a concept. No, come on. I think we're getting better. We're working on this. I think this idea that this, like, people were complaining that someone put the American flag on a cop car in California. Did you see that shit? No. Yeah, like, hey, this is, we're in America.

What do you mean they put it on a cop car? What's wrong with putting an American flag on a cop car? Like, just draped it over it? No, like, they had, like, the side panel where it says the police department has the American flag incorporated into their logo. Oh. Like, what, do you hate America? Yeah, what's wrong with that? I like it.

Yeah, it's pretty. I like it. I'd fucking salute those guys if they drove by. Laguna Beach, yeah. What's the problem? Yeah. Who doesn't like the American flag? What's wrong with being a patriot?

It's imperialism, man. Ah, jeez. It's everything. It's all it's imperialism man it's everything it's all the good too it's all the creativity yeah all the art all the love all the positive people all the opportunity people it's amazing we're one country look at this oh my god listen this fucking quote we have such an amazing community of artists here and i thought the aesthetic didn't really represent our community. This person said, it feels very aggressive. Bitch, you're in the winner's team.

Right. You're in Laguna Beach. Yeah, it's aggressive. An artist in Laguna Beach just loving life. Margaritas every day at four. It's aggressive. That's why you can walk around with flip-flops, you fucking idiot. It's aggressive.

Yeah, but it's not aggressive to you it's not aggressive police are your friends the whole something happens to your house who do you want to come his watercolor kit or the police yeah but they're not even saying that like the police car the colors on the car yeah well they're not saying we shouldn't have police right saying that flag is too aggressive yeah but it's the flag and the police. Yeah, but why does the flag make it more aggressive? That is so stupid. I don't get it.

But it's that thought process. There's just something wrong with us. Well, there is that knee-jerk reaction from people on the far left that think that everything we do is evil. You know, from the beginning of the country to now, we're just corrupt and evil and awful. Well, then why are you still here? Well, why are you going to the arcade? They would all admit that it has great qualities.

The problem is when people really focus on only negative aspects. Right. The negative aspects of this country are real. They're real. Of course. From top to bottom. The negative aspects of this country are real. They're real. Of course. From top to bottom. In every group of human beings, the negative aspects are real.

But this group of human beings in a relatively short period of time has, this group of human beings has managed to accomplish insane architecture, music, comedy,

writing. That's right. And dominate the world. I mean, it's a crazy fucking weird right and and dominate the world i mean it's a crazy fucking weird place but dominate the world in a democratic sense right with with a democratic election in in their country at least in a mostly peaceful manner the real problem was and then you start wondering like what the united states does outside of this country and whether or not they should be doing it. Right.

It's like, are they doing this because they have to do this because this is the way the rules work in that country? I mean, why are they propping up this guy when this guy is clearly a dictator? Is it better to have the dictator in charge than to have it become a failed state like Libya? All the shit that's way beyond our pay grade. Right. Right.

Exactly. That's where things get screwy. And you say like, yeah, I don't like what America does overseas. overseas okay i don't exactly know what they do and i don't think you do either no exactly i think there's some until julius tells us yeah well clearly some people know right some people are super educated informed i'm not i'm not denying that yeah but what i'm saying is that most of the people that have these really aggressive opinions about these things. Yeah. I don't necessarily think they've thought about it too deeply.

No, but you also know that, you know, look, everybody knows the country does some dirty stuff in places that wasn't cool. Well, find me a country that doesn't. Right, exactly. It's like the thing these militaries and these countries have to do in order to keep peace and stay alive. Yeah. And, you know, you want to shine light on that, so maybe it's not done again. But it's part of the thing that we were talking about before, about our grandparents not having a lot of the information.

And in a way that you're living in the dark, and that's bad. But in a way, you're living in the dark and that's bad, but in a way you're living in the light now and you see everything. The problem with seeing everything, I think it kind of is a problem, is that you realize that no organization, no country, no government is flawless. No person. They're flawed. Everything is flawed. Everything.

And now we have this idea that if somebody isn't perfect, they should be just run out of town. Canceled. Yeah, canceled, kicked out of office, whatever. Yep. We're all flawed. Everybody's flawed. And this idea, because we can find everything else out, you can expose everyone's flaws. can expose everyone's flaws well we're gonna have to come out of this somehow realizing that flaw doesn't mean that they're evil or they're negative and they have to be kicked out do you think there's ever going to be a time in in humans like whether it's 100 years now or a thousand years now where there's no war yes yes i do how do you see that happening well it's going to start Yes. Yes. I do.

How do you see that happening? Well, it's going to start with cop cars with flags on them. And then they're going to patrol around. I think it would be technology. And I think it's a matter of everybody becoming more comfortable. If you can have people, this is like a Thomas friedman idea that if if you want to stop like people fighting in the middle east uh give them all the comforts of a good society let them be able to go eat mcdonald's and sit in a coffee shop and all of a sudden you don't want to fight as much and that means prosperity that means popping so i think technology if you can bring

more water to people and there's less suffering if if climate change doesn't ruin all of that, I think if you can prop these people up and give all these people, if they can rise, then there's no sense. I mean, we're at a point now where there's fewer wars than ever before on the planet. Sure. So we're headed in that direction. So I don't see why not. Well, as a thought exercise, let's look at it this way. What makes anybody decide to act as a thought exercise let's look at it this way what makes anybody

decide to act as a group what makes anybody like if why would we decide to go like if if right what negotiations should we be having with someone in germany like why why why are we having a conversation about anything you live way the fuck over there on the other side of the ocean what would make people act as a group and go over and try to fuck with somebody else that's right that's in another place like well people can be people can definitely be rallied right for any cause most certainly but do you think this is my thought, that there will come a time where that kind of rallying doesn't work? That people will stop believing? I mean, this is one of those very bizarre ideas that the systems that we've established for human civilizations, whether it's countries or cities or continents, whatever it is. Yeah. These systems, once all the boundaries that kept people from freely traveling,

once those are dissolved. It's all broken down. No country anymore. The only thing that's keeping it together now is the fact that it's air travel. So they know when you're coming in. They get to check your papers. Right. Oh, you're flying in from overseas, are you, Mr. Papa?

Well, there's only one way, motherfucker. You got to land right here in this spot. And then we take each individual And we say Can I see your paperwork What do you got Who are you Where are you from

Where are you born Do you have money Are you a drug addict Have you ever been arrested And then They're allowed They can still do that that way If that didn't exist

If it was way easier To go to Germany Yeah If there was a technology That would allow you Like a person like you or me The same way we could drive places We could just fly into somewhere and land anywhere.

Yeah. You don't have to go to a fucking specific location like an airport or get funneled through a road that takes you to some, you know, some checkpoint station like when you're trying to drive from Mexico. Open borders. Just if people could fly. Yeah. If people flew anywhere they wanted to go.

Uh-huh. If that technology existed, good fucking luck keeping people from coming into your city. Good luck. All those rules are out the window. All those immigration rules, that doesn't exist anymore. It can't exist. People can go anywhere they want.

Right. But what are you saying that gives you? Well, it gives you the interaction with human beings in a way that you won't be able to get them as a group as easily to go after another group. Right, because now there's no country, basically. There's no thing to... We're not part of this that has to go fight that. We're all one now.

What do you do if one person lives in a great spot and they don't want to give up their oil? Right? Then it becomes a problem. Come on, guys. We're all in this together. Those people in Alaska, you know, they got all that fucking oil bro here's two here's two things though here's two things of why it might not work one's technology thousand things yeah but only two that i can think of okay let me hear it uh one italians are italians and germans are germans and mexicans are mexicans and you get around your people and Germans are Germans and Mexicans are Mexicans and you get around your people and you feel it and you know it and I know who you are

and we're part of that tribe and we're part of that thing. And it doesn't matter that we grew up somewhere. I just know you as an Italian and I'm an Italian and I am with you. And that is very different from that Turkish guy over there. That thing, that very human thing, chemistry thing of your own blood, your own thing, I don't think that's going to go away for... Bro, you're old school and you bake bread. I think you're talking nonsense.

You're really into old timey things. You're into old timey things. I do love old timey things. If they could fix your eyes without glasses, you'd be like, nah, I like the glasses. They make you feel like I'm thinking. I put them on. I'm getting ready to go to work. I like it.

But I think that's a real thing. I like my horse. Horses are better than cars. They're your friend. They're your friend. You give them hay. It's not that bad. And the shit is actually really good for fertilizer.

All right. Well, I'm going to blow your mind with my technology end of this conversation, which I just read an article yesterday, that in China, face recognition is the thing that's going to stop your fantasy of everybody just loving each other and going around. In China, with face recognition, they're able to recognize and categorize Muslims in the country. There's like this one sect of Muslim in China. And they're,

with all this face recognition that they're seeing, you know, from your phone, from everything, they're starting to catalog the enemy. And they're going to be able to, the police are sharing information and hotels and everybody, and they're all now, through this network, know what type of person just walked into this building and whether they're friendly or they're the enemy and that thing that face recognition thing is could end up splitting us apart even more old timey tommy with his technological facts here china's big brother surveillance technology isn't nearly as all-seeing as the government wants you to think. This is kind of like they might be able to upgrade it, though.

It says it can't do more than. Yeah. That's 1.0. When your phone unlocked with your fingerprint and it blew your motherfucking mouth. You're like, what, bro? It's my finger. It even works my pinky. I get five fingerprints on this motherfucker.

I get to do the side of my thumb, and it's still nose. It's his glasses? It's a cop. What do you mean? This is a cop. It's a cop with Google Glass? Yeah, it's got some sort of face recognition thing. It's like that Tom Cruise movie.

A minority report. Whoa, is that real? Yeah. No, but this. Not Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is definitely real. I don't know, but it looks real. You know, I tried a Google Glass on once.

I actually went through a whole UFC weigh-ins wearing a Google Glass. How was it? I was filming it, I guess. It wasn't ready. Right. It wasn't ready, and I think that's why they haven't upgraded it they're like let's hold off because this is not working yeah it's been a while they're not into that dorky shit and people got super uncomfortable when you're around them it's like holding a camera

on everybody yeah walk around with a fucking camera everywhere i think they'll have something eventually but i i have a feeling it'll be something where there's a technology where the outside, you can't see things, but on the inside you can. And then they'll show you images directly in front of you on the lens. So you wear glasses like your glasses, but it'll show you things right in front of you. Right. Yeah. I got one that I heard that. I don't know if I understand and believe that this is real, but I've just Googled it and I found something that makes it seem like it.

So the next version of the VR headsets are supposed to have brain tracking in them. And that sounds super scary, but it's already being implemented and tested. You get a knock on your door. All you think about is beating off. What is wrong with you, man? Seriously? No, no, no. We thought you were a regular person but you're

beating off a hundred times a week like you imagine if they want to have a talk to you like mr papa you watched 14 hours of pornography this week yeah that seems a lot yeah i think your mother would think that seems like a lot don't you think i mean i don't want to talk to her well they say employers are going to do that insurance companies are going to do that and they're going to be able to how much you're Find out how much you're beating off. How much you're beating off. How much you're working out. How much you're sleeping.

Whether and... Look at that. We promised to share only good stuff. Sure. That's like Google when they said, don't be evil. Yeah. They abandoned that. Once they started making money.

They fucking painted right over that sign. Maybe a little evil. What is evil, man? I mean, what is evil? Evil mean what is evil evil schmibel we're going in that direction yeah man it's going in that direction yeah it's all going to some sort of a wearable thing that connects you but a weird thing that like everywhere you're going they're picking off your face and then you're going to be able to they're going to know exactly what you are and who you are and you know it's a strange it's strange uh but is it any more strange than

our lives today in comparison to people that lived in 1920 like we were talking about earlier this is way weirder the way we way live super weird way weirder we're in weird town already for sure you just hope it doesn't get into the hands of people that uh can really mess with you oh yeah the people with the money yeah the people with the money and all the control? Yeah. They're going to be cool with it, right? Yeah, they'll be great. They'll be all right.

Yeah, they'll be fine. Everything is going to be fine. Do you have Alexa in your house? Alexa. Yeah. Yeah. My kids do. My one friend is always trying to tell me,

just get that out of your house. It's listening to everything that you say and everything that you do. Don't say anything bad in that room. I had a question about that you know neural link might be coming on soon or whatever i was thinking about like if if it got to the point where like say we all got it and then everyone you knew had it and there's like a thousand people that have it wouldn't we hit a like a threshold point where you're like uh not everybody should have this we're good at this point right here well how would you ever

deny people something like that, though? The cost? It might be really expensive to have. No, but how would you ever? I know. You can't deny people that, like, say if someone's coming up and they want to try it and everyone else has it. That would create a giant problem. That'd be like if you said that with cell phones. Too many people have cell

phones. We have to stop. You're no more buying cell phones. I know. That's why I sort of think that there might become a big problem with that why what is norlink i don't know but hold on a second i don't understand why you think i just sort of think that if uh in the theory that you're gonna let thousands of people have instant access to the world's knowledge at their finger at a thoughts like instant that becomes too powerful in the wrong hands and the people that might have it first might see the future problems of that i'm just sort of wondering i was thinking way too far jamie got high yeah that's not like you got high and watched superman

so the answer you say is like no that probably won't be a problem or well no i can't stop it though i don't that's what i'm wondering i don't think that anyone can say that's not going to be a problem yeah i don't know i mean what is a problem though it's going to be something it's going to be a something yeah it's going to change everyone has access to all the world's information instantaneously first of all colleges are going under son that was my first thought i was like they're gonna fight that happen all day until i don't think they can but yeah they're not going to be able to the amount of money that you would make off of something that made everybody super smart yeah you would there's no way you imagine if you found out how ironic would it be if you found out that like stanford and harvard had banded together to try to stop this from

coming out because it would kill their business yeah yale got together and it was like you know just like how there's some college admission scandals going down oh yeah it's so great if there was a scandal that all these higher universities had banded together to try to stop this because it was going to kill their business like everybody can know everything we tell them more than everything we tell them i'm going on some college tours already j Christ Yeah Oh my god It really makes you think I'm like

Do they really need this? This is expensive Oh yeah man Do they really need a degree In all of this? I don't know It's a weird business man It's a total weird business

I don't know Why it costs so much I'll tell you why Why? Because the administrators Are all making Bank Is that what it is yeah it's all the money that goes right now yeah what's going on so all these kids generations

are in debt because they have to take these student loans because college is more expensive than ever before oh it hasn't changed running the university the the teachers it's the administration of these giant universities are making so much money. They're making millions, and they keep cranking it out, and they keep needing to up the rate, and then they make money accessible for the students through loans, and then they keep feeding themselves. It's horrible. It's a horrible, corrupt system. And it's also subsidized, right?

Well, the government will subsidize some of it. Yeah. How much does the government subsidize private education? Private education? I don't think any. Just public? Yeah. You got to fast-forward, though.

Yeah. It's so expensive. I mean, you know. Isn't that weird, too? There's like state schools, private schools. Yes. They all cost money. Everything costs money. Yeah. What is it too? There's like state schools, private schools. Yes. You know, they all cost money. Mm-hmm.

Everything costs money. Yeah. Like, what is it like? How much does it cost to get to, like, USC? How much is, like, a semester at USC? $70,000? No, not a semester. A year?

A year? Mm-hmm. Is it $70,000? Probably $70,000. $50,000 for the year. Yeah, that's like the, that's the online google search thing that's 50 plus your room and board plus all the rest and if your kid fucks off yes which of course they're gonna do and by the way to have 50 grand you need to make like 80 right or taxes oh yeah so you gotta make 80 grand

yeah for a whole year of your kid being in school. Yeah. And if your kid's just doing bong hits. Totally. Playing ping pong and shit. My father dropped me off to school at school when I was like a sophomore. He just drove me into college and dropped off my stuff. And I was so psyched to go see my friends. And I was like And just work hard.

Be responsible. Okay, Dad. Okay, okay. I go running into my dorm room. My buddies are there. I haven't seen them all break. Tom, they hand me a bong. Hey!

I light up. As soon as I walk up, my bags haven't even dropped. I light it with my lighter, and this huge flame comes out. And poof, almost lights my face on fire. I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hey, Papa, your dad's outside. He's in the van. I had forgot something.

I forgot a lamp in the van. Oh, no. He's like, clunk, clunk. I go running out there. I'm like, hey, what's up? You know, hoping I don't smell. He goes, hey, you forgot your, what happened to your eyebrow?

Your eyebrow's burnt off. What did you do in the two minutes? I just took the lamp. Thanks, Dad. See you later. And he's writing checks. He's writing checks for me to go do that, you know? Yeah, it's brutal.

Jesus Christ. That was just tuition I saw. Yeah, see? $75,000. USC, one year. Room and board, $15,300. That's got to be low because that's just about over $1,000 a month. That's got to be.

Yeah, it should be higher than that. And that's without, like, if you live on the East Coast and you're flying your kid back and forth and all the rest of it. But look at personal. It's so expensive. Personal and miscellaneous, $1,400 for the year? Yeah, right. $100 a month? Get out of here. Yeah, that's crazy. Forget the year? Yeah, right. $100 a month? Get out of here.

That's crazy. Forget it. That's $25 a week. The books are going to be way more than $100 a month, too. The books are going to be $1,200 a semester, probably. You should go to state school. You pay a quarter of that. Stay in.

Get your undergrad. Well, here's the thing. You could have a nonsense education like me, where you just read things that you're interested in, and then you never get a real base education. I don't have a degree in anything. You didn't go to college? I went to college, but I fucked off. I barely paid attention.

I went to UMass Boston. Oh, yeah. That's where my sister went. I didn't even take my SATs. Oh, really? No. They had a continuing education program. You could just sign up and start taking classes there. Oh, nice. Did you go the whole way? No. They had like a continuing education program. You could just sign up and start taking classes there.

Oh, nice. Did you go the whole way? No. No. No. I went for three years. I was barely paying attention. Three years?

Yeah. I guess I realized I was doing it a little bit while I was still doing stand-up, like while I started doing stand-up. But it was literally only so that people didn't think I was a loser. Right. I just wanted to let people know i'm doing something i didn't pay attention at all right all i was thinking about was uh martial arts competition and then it was stand-up right well yeah the transition right there yeah once that happens forget it once i realized that people made money doing stand-up that's when i quit it depends on what you want to go do like there's certain you want to go in law or you want to do certain you know

medicine there's certain routes where you need a degree where you really need a degree and there's definitely something good to going to school and being around other people from around the country and all kind of thinking and for sure it's all positive but you should not go into debt i have all these nephews that they got out of school thirty thousand dollars in debt right this is the start of your life as an adult the worst thirty thousand in debt they can't keep up with the payments so then the interest kicks in and after four years now they owe fifty thousand and they're constantly chasing it yeah and now they ask their parents to help them out and they co-sign now you have two generations and they

probably owe taxes right and and they're now on their second job where no one cares anymore where you went to school they never even asked the question they don't no not not in no no in certain places yeah in certain routes it really depends on what you're trying to do right you're going to be a doctor i think they care yes i think they care well yeah that's well maybe it depends what kind of doctor there's a lot of history professor you're applying for a job as a history professor going to television production whatever no one gives a shit oh that's true if you're going to do hollywood type jobs yeah nobody gives a shit. Oh, that's true. If you're going to do Hollywood-type jobs, yeah, nobody gives a fuck. No. Go work in construction. You could do whatever.

My whole thing is, and I keep trying to say this to my daughter, is that you should never, don't jeopardize your future for this degree. You can get degrees. They'll be important. They'll help you. But you should not strap yourself with debt. That's wise advice. Yeah.

Very wise advice. And she's like, how about you work harder and just pay for it, and I won't have to be in debt. That's a good thing for her to say. Yeah. That's clever. Very smart. She set you up. And my other daughter, I'm just going to give her headshots.

$300, headshots, right in the business. The business. Done. That old The business. Done. That old show business. Yeah. Hey, everybody's crazy. But I thought show business people were crazy. Everyone's crazy.

Everybody's crazy. You're crazy. I'm crazy. Yeah. People who, you think insurance salesmen people are fucking crazy? They're just better at hiding it all day. Yeah. That's what they do.

They hide it. They hide it all fucking day. If you were's what they do. That's what they do. They hide it. They hide it all fucking day. If you were really smart, you'd just go into plumbing. Listen, there's not a lot of plumbers out there. I know. We always need plumbing. Yeah. And you make a really good living at it.

And there's not a lot of people that are learning these skills anymore. That's what you should go do. Or do something you really want to do. Find something you really want to do. Yeah. Maybe you don't want to be a plumber. Should it be a requirement that they know what they want to do before they go into college no but see what college should be is education what it really seems to be more is like prepping you for the job force you know i mean there's education as well but it's prepping you for the

job force and nowadays at least in a certain segment of the population you're you're getting these colleges that are also like socially indoctrinating kids socialist ideas and a lot of ideas that you know just are contrary to what probably their parents taught them and so then there's this internal dispute and who's right and who's wrong and do i rebel against my parents and yeah go full social justice warrior yeah yeah yeah join the young republicans on campus and you know kids are just trying to find who they are yeah there's definitely when you walk onto these campuses even just to tour them which i never did when i was i just you know picked one out and went but you go and the

personality of each university is so dominant as soon as you walk onto the campus and go into some small uh really left liberal arts schools and you just feel like the posters and everything you're just like as a as a white male you're not welcome here at all and then you go to some other places and it's just kind of free-flowing and everybody's just it's into this they're just all about the football team have you ever seen a poster that says as a white male you're not welcome here yeah where in my daughter's room that's hilarious no but you know you get like it's like very very progressive and very you know every everything is uh an issue and you know that's where you develop those ideas but what

i'm saying is you can really learn from going on these campuses like oh this is well there's a vibe you get indoctrinated into whatever vibe the campus holds and you get social points for like following those ideas right as as hardcore as you can yeah it's really it's really interesting yeah like if you take yourself out of whichever way you lean if you lean left you can say well it's because they're young and they're passionate and they're right right if you lean right like ah they're babies and they're being taught by people who never made it in the real world. They only exist in academia. Yeah. But just look at it.

Instead of looking at it like that. Yeah. Look at it where you don't have a fucking dog in the fight and just step back and go, this is fascinating. It's like people are just trying to change and influence people's thinking and behavior. And some of it is to justify their own thinking and behavior. Some of it is because some people just own thinking and behavior some of it is because some people just like controlling people right like getting people to listen to them and some of it is because they genuinely think that this is for the best for the human race and all these

things are competing together yeah that's why you have some people that are activists you meet them they're not annoying at all you're like god damn you're really cool yeah because they're doing it with the right heart right the right yeah you have activists that are so annoying. Why are they so annoying? Because they're not doing it for the right reasons. They're doing it to try to change people. Because they want to poke you. They want to have a reason to be upset at you

because you're not listening to them. You're not following their ideas. Right. Them and their. Those are the key words. It's about them and their status and their power over you. Yeah. No, I know.

There's a couple people, you know, there's a couple people I know that have gone that way so hard that you can't even have conversations with them. Yeah. On both sides. It doesn't help. It doesn't. All it does is create more conflict. Like that kind of combative attitude creates more conflict. You could be right on every

single issue but if you're super combative all the time that people just don't they don't want to communicate with you and they're not willing to enter into an honest exchange with you yeah because it's always a contest there's a battle going on right and you you always think you're right it's us versus the and they're just looking for little clues to see where you're at and if you give them any kind of hint that you might lean one way, they just pounce on you. It's brutal. It's like this. It's a horrible way to live.

And they're angry. They're just angry. They just walk around with this anger. It's like, get an ice cream cone. Enjoy your life a little bit. Like, what are you doing? They're hardcore Dodgers fans. That's what they are.

They're just hardcore sports fans for the Democrats. They're like, our fucking team's going to kick their fucking ass in 2020. Trump's going down. Right. Exactly. that's what they are they're just hardcore sports fans for the democrats yeah like our fucking team's gonna kick their fucking ass in 2020 trump's going down right exactly it's really yeah it really is that hey did you see tiger yesterday dude i was watching it while we were in georgia we were in georgia for the ufc right and i had a comedy show out there and we were me and um santino were watching it on the screen ah on saturday or yesterday we watched it friday or was it friday saturday saturday friday saturday and then he won yesterday well whatever days it was right i think we watched it two days in a row i think it's in

the gym every day we were there but then i got home and i saw it on my phone i was like holy shit i don't even give a fuck about golf i I know. I'm happy. It was powerful. Guy made a comeback. A huge comeback. Look at that. I mean, that's crazy. Amazing. 11 years later. Oh, my God. I love those.

So great. Somebody put on Instagram one of my quotes. Oh, yeah. That I attached to that. It was pretty cool. I love a guy get, like, I love, what did I say? I love a success story, but even more than that, I love a guy fucks his life up and then gets it back together again story. It's the greatest.

Yeah. It's the greatest. That's the best. Oh, my God. When you realize how much good it must feel to that guy to be on top of the world again. And that he was so messed up in the back problems and the troubles and the kids and the wife and the thing. And just 11 years. Yeah. And he didn't stop working.

He just went to work and went to work and went to work. 11 years later. And so he won one major championship recently, right? Didn't he win one? It was a big deal. He won a major championship within the last couple months. It wasn't a major, but it was a big event. It wasn't a major.

This was the first major he's won in 11 years. Oh, okay. So the other one wasn't a major, but it was a big event. Yeah, it was a big tournament. So he wins that one, and everybody's like, wow. He might be back. He could fucking win big tournaments again. And then he just, oh, it was so cool to see the crowd just kept building over the weekend.

And by yesterday, it was massive, thousands of people around the green just hanging on him. Oh, the relief that you saw just coming out of him was so great and at the end like he walks off where as a kid he was only like 21 when he won the first time hugging his dad at the edge and now he comes off 11 years later all this time and his dad's passed and he's hugging his child his son now he's the father in the same spot oh it's just i was trying not to cry the whole time oh it was such a tear jerker what relief people were just so happy for him wow such a great story we do love a comeback why not man you love a comeback we we we're flawed, like you were saying before. Yeah, man.

But being able to improve, that's what that guy did. He bit down and improved. Amazing. Improved his life. Yeah, and never stopped. Yeah, went south, and he picked it right back up and brought it north again. 11 years of doing it and failing and failing and failing. Yeah. Isn't that beautiful?

It is beautiful. Such a cool thing. Yeah. I was wondering, he wears that red shirt. He's got to wear the red on Sundays. That's his thing? That's his thing.

Yeah. And he was in light colors on Saturday and I was like, does he just free himself from that or is that a superstition that you gotta kinda hang on to good question

yeah you know what do you think would happen if there was an openly gay black guy with blonde hair who only wore pink

who was like the best golfer alive and started dominating it'd be great some dude who's like super duper gay

and he's just got this fucking crazy drive and he gets down on the ground he can see the way the earth is rolling and the whole time he's doing he's like lisping and snapping his fingers and wiggling his butt you know i put pretty what would happen if he started just winning they would probably poison him you think they would poison him it was like a super flamboyant gay guy Who was winning I don't care black or white

They would poison him Do you don't think so? I don't think so Because golfers are so close to Flamboyantly queenie gay anyway Look at their outfits They're all pink And like

Big plaid pants They're like a bunch of old white dudes Straight white dudes Who want to be gay But it's all this country club life, right? Isn't it a big part of it? Yeah You're not going to have that guy swishing around back and forth in the locker room snapping his fingers staring at dicks no no no no no no you don't they're gonna he's putting he's got a he's

got a catchphrase all his hair is shaved except for a curly man bun that just pops straight up and it's blonde and he wears lipstick and he's a motherfucker at golf he's just killing fools I just love my irons maybe he would open golf up to everybody else you think that would happen do you think that Tiger Woods

he opened up golf for people of color, right? Clearly, they got into it because of him. How many people got into golf that would have never even thought about playing golf? For sure. Tiger could play. Yeah. Started opening up to inner city.

Schools were starting to get involved in it. What about the gay community? Are they represented in professional golf? I think they are. They're flamboyant, dressed like the Bee Gees in the 70s. They're close, Joe. They're wearing plaid pants. They're wearing tassels.

You have xenophobia. That's how people from Scotland dress. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. I was just saying they would be embraced. You know, Scotland's a weird place. You have to dress a certain way when you hunt there. Or at least they have a certain way they dress, like a traditional way.

I like that. But it's not like, they don't wear camo. It's like an outfit. Yeah, it's like an outfit. What do they wear? They wear clothes. Weird. Old-timey clothes.

I like that. I like tradition. Yeah, I know you did. That's why I brought it up. Bourdain went um hunting in scotland for his television show right he had to wear some crazy ass outfit right you get suited for this outfit this traditional hunting outfit it's pretty cool yeah a lot of those that's that's it's a lot of those places like scotland too if, too, I think most of it was like private land.

Right. I think back in the day, like that was what Robin Hood was all about, right? Robin Hood was originally supposed to be about someone who was poaching and hunting on the king's land because they were hungry. And so they were stealing from the rich to feed the poor. Gentlemanly pursuit, hunting and shooting attire. Wow. Look how they dress. Does that help you?

Helps me. Be a good hunter? Because I don't get to goof on them. Or does it like, does that get in the way of hunting or does that help hunting? That's not helping shit. A tie and a vest? Those boots are kind of fresh, though. Go back to his boots.

Yeah, man. That guy looks good. Let me see his boots. Can you make them boots larger? Look at those fresh boots. Yeah, come on That guy looks good. Let me see his boots. Can you make them boots larger? Look at those fresh boots. Yeah, come on. I'm going to start wearing those on stage. Would I get in trouble for cultural appropriation wearing someone's stuff if they're white, too?

No. How does that work? No. If they're more powerful than you, then you're okay. How does that work? How does that work? You can't take from... What percentage of Native American do you have to have in you to wear moccasins?

Ooh, a lot. The tassel jacket? How about the suede tassel jacket? The Roger Daltrey? Yes, like the rebels in the 70s wore. I wanted one of those so bad when I was in high school. They look so cool. The easy rider with the fringe on it it's

all moving when you're driving man i wanted your arm out the window of the car and it's flopping around yeah you're on stage singing the ladies must love you look at that oh glorious come on little strips of leather see but that goes too far see how it's because they have the native american thing on the sleeve let Let me see. This one right here? No, not... That other one. Well, that one's too far. Yeah, it's too far.

Go to that one. If you do that one, you better kill the bear that you used for those fucking teeth. Yeah. That's too... That's ridiculous. No, there's a white guy version of that, which would be okay. That's a girl who claims to be a healer. Right?

Yeah. That's who would wear that. See, if you wear that in Texas,as you're okay oh my accent yeah okay daniel boone yeah out here with that one that one's dark i wanted one of those wearing a dark one no what are you prince do you like that guy what are you a trapper that's too light that looks terrible that guy looks terrible he's got the fringe in the bottom that's what's gonna separate us from everybody got the fringe in the bottom. That's what's going to separate us from everybody else. The curtains on the bottom. A fringe.

Like a nice curtain in a fine restaurant. Look at Elvis. Elvis had tassels. Elvis had rainbow tassels. You could get away with it if you're Elvis. If you're working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car. I think maybe you don't wear that.

Yeah, Elvis got away with some wild shit. Who the fuck wore jumpsuits before Elvis? Jumpsuits. It was him and Evel Knievel. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, man. Look at that. Hendrix. Oh, my God. That's, yeah. Dude. See, but he's doing something. He's playing a guitar.

He's moving around. He's got a headband. If you're making snow cones, that's not your jacket. Man, I wanted one when I was in high school. I wore moccasins for a little bit. Put that back up. Put that picture back up.

Look at that. That look. How good does it look? And I could never wear it. He's got fringe on a greenish yellow. How would you describe that color? It's like a teal. Like a light teal.

A light teal. He's got bell bottoms. Bell bottom jeans. Acid washed bell bottoms. And he's got this cool jacket with fringes that are literally two feet long. Yeah. And then a headband. Dude.

And it's just his. It's kind of fuchsia, the headband, right? It's kind of reddish. Yeah. Like a light red. And it's on Jimi Hendrix. a light red and he's and it's on jimmy hendrix that's the that's the thing that we can't match we could buy all those items but it's still our head it's not jimmy hendrix well not only that it's 2019 too like back then like he was in the

groove man oh man he was the yeah phil hartman saw him live when he was a young kid. Phil was like 18 years old. He got a job at the Whiskey. Uh-huh. And his job was, you know how they have those giant monitors on the stage? And sometimes those things would fall. Like into the crowd. Oh, jeez. Right? Especially if someone's standing on that or doing a show.

So they're a little wobbly. Yeah. So they're standing right there. So his job was to stand right by the stage, like literally have his like ready to catch these speakers this was phil's job yes and hendrix is right there hendrix is right and he's 18 oh man in my brain oh my god right in front of him like the thing just don't seem the same right in front of him jeez louise i don't know the same. Crazy. Right in front of him. Jeez Louise. But I don't know why. Oh my God. Excuse me while I kiss the sky.

I was that close to Blues Traveler once. I don't think that's the same. All his harmonicas were right in his vest. Shortly before Jimi Hendrix died. Oh really? Yeah. Well he died when he was. He died in like like he was the magic

age right 35 was it that's 27 i think the magic age is 27 where they're all dying or morrison isn't that the magic age didn't he where did he 27 wow yeah what year did he die was it 69 70 70 1970 so phil you know that's amazing yeah Phil was probably like 17 years old or something like that wow yeah god fuck

that's amazing yeah did he have one of those fringe jackets I don't know I didn't ask that but the way he described it man the way he described it

was like running into Jesus while you're out on a hike oh he had to be for real it was crazy well Phil was a musician too yeah so when you know he'd talk about it he had like this crazy gleam to his eye geez you know

it's like he was right fucking there he was right there yeah come on hendrix please i wanted uh i wanted one of those fringe jackets when i was in high school. So I played football until I was a senior. And then once football season's over, I have a half a year left of school. And that's when I smoked weed for the first time and started playing guitar. And I wanted one of the fringe jackets. I didn't have them, but I did get a pair of moccasins for a little while. I wore moccasins. Did they have beads?

They did not have beads, but they had the little fringe to them. Little tassels? They were like, it was just... Little fringe. Yeah, no sole. Yeah. What's the purpose of fringe? That's like when you think of a trapper jacket, right?

One of them David Boone, Davy Crockett type dudes. Style. You think of them wearing that. Is that what it was? Really? Yeah. Why would they have any style back then? Everybody's got style.

Back then, it seems like they were just trying to stay alive. Yeah, the weak ones. But the cool ones are still trying to get laid. You think Daniel Boone wasn't trying to work it a little bit? Look at this. Buckskins are often trimmed with a fringe, originally a functional detail to allow the garment to shed rain and to

dry faster when wet because the fringe asks a series of wicks to disperse the water or quills. Interesting. Wow. Oh, because of the weight of it. Wow. Buckskins derived from deer skin clothing worn by Native Americans.

Oh, wow. How about that? That's genius. Smarter than you know. Wow. So it hangs down and the water goes through all the tissue in the deer and gets to the bottom. So those little things get wet, but the thing that you're wearing the touch of your skin is dry you would think by now that deer would have had fringe on their

outfits i think they um don't give a fuck you're really hot are their body temperatures much higher than ours oh really yeah it's one of the weirder things about um when you put your hands on one oh yeah inside of them they're really hot like. So for like 98 degrees, what are they? I don't know. If I had to guess, I'd say it's more than 100. Oh, yeah? I would say that, yeah, I bet they're probably like 105, something like that.

Jesus Christ. What is it? Oh, never mind. Sorry. What's the body temperature? It brought up the cooking temperature when I hit it. I was like, Jesus Christ, it's hot. It's 350 degrees.

They're cooking before we even catch them. That is hilarious. That's why people love deer. You don't have to cook them. They're pre-cooked. They're preheated. It's the same as most undulates, which is 37.5 to 38.5 degrees Celsius, which... Which we don't understand. Well, just type in that.

Pre-heated deer meat. 38.5 degrees Celsius? What do you think that is, if you had to guess? I don't have a clue. What was the number? 38 degrees Celsius. Oh, that's 105. Is it?

No. That's like 90. 99.5 to 100. Yeah. So it's right in that same range. That's it. They're like us. One or two higher

they're like someone with a little bit of fever oh i did something that you would you would enjoy you might have even done this speaking of body heat uh i was in san francisco last weekend really performing and uh i was working with my friend uh kira sultanovich very funny comedian she kicks ass she's r. She grew up up there. And she brought me to a Russian bathhouse. Oh, they beat you up with sticks? Yeah. Did you ever do that?

No. They call it banya. Man, oh man. You go into a sauna, a two-level sauna, so it's even hotter up at the top, like an attic in a sauna. Super hot. And you lay down on this bench, and they take these bushes, like these sticks, and they wet them,

and then they start beating you with them. Not a lot of pressure. It's so hot. You're in a sauna. You're already like really, really. And then that thing. And that thing is hot too. And that thing's hot too and that thing's

hot and with the with the steam coming off of the branches as they're beating your back it creates a little a little pocket that gets even hotter so it just brings your body to the super high temperature they're making you up and making weather they really are really and uh yeah for about 15 minutes and you come out of there and just feel do you jump in the cold afterwards yeah into a cold plunge yeah all the way under this really cold water amazing yeah the russians really like that fedor emilienenko was like uh one of the greatest heavyweights if not the greatest heavyweight of all time one of the things that you would see about his training what is it was that it was very old

school russian like they did a lot of stuff on the park and or in a um a playground uh-huh just like they did a lot of stuff in a playground and um he incorporated the banya that was a part of it like you see him lying there and they're beating him with sticks there you go yeah see it on showtime so they're yeah that's what yeah they figured something out you know all the people invented sauna they figured something out there's something about that extreme temperature that just it it's very good for your your ability to recuperate you feel better it reduces inflammation i felt great like i went in there i've been traveling so hard over the last couple of months i've just been knotted up i've just been like was like, maybe I'll do this and then get a massage after.

Because that'll really. Like a gentleman. Like a gentleman. Yeah. And we didn't have time. She had to go. She was driving me. She had to go do something.

So we only had time for that part. When I came out of the banya, I didn't need a massage. Everything was relaxed. Everything had changed in just like 15 minutes yeah it was great man i wish it was uh i wish i don't know if there's they have them in la or not but i'd like to seek them out then i know they have them in new york there's one in west hollywood there is yeah it's photo spa or something like that yeah there you go bro a lot of dongs keep your pants a lot of dongs. Keep your pants on. A lot of dongs. Clothing was optional.

Clothing optional. And I'm with Kira. You know, we're like, you know, we're co-workers. And she's wearing nothing. She's totally naked. And then there's dongs everywhere. There's dongs everywhere. She sees the dongs.

She sees the dongs. I see the dongs. But we were the only ones covered up. Girls can go and dongs stare in America. What's that? In America. Can you do this? Yeah.

San Francisco. Are you sure? Yeah. Girls can just walk in a room with dongs? They were naked? The girls were naked? Kira and I were the only ones with clothes on because we worked with each other. Send in immigration.

Send ICE into that place. Send in the troops. A dong alert. Yeah, there's something going on in there, bro. There's just dicks everywhere. Open that door. You cool with dicks in front of you i'm not i was doing here i was looking away cops just come in fucking masks on i'm a dong alert yeah they throw one of those what are those uh gas canisters that flash bangs just grabbing guys by their dongs and pulling them out into the paddy wagon it would all run

out grab their dog that's the first thing you're gonna grab if someone throws a tear gas canister it explodes in a room i'm wearing pants so i was the only one with pants on and you can kind of feel like everyone was looking at you like pussy you're making us feel like shamed because you're wearing pants and it's just taking them off but i I couldn't. I'm with my opening act. Yeah, that's a tactic. That's what that is. Yeah? That's a tactic.

Yeah. What kind of? What do you mean? It's a tactic. They're trying to be like, come on, man. Show us your dick. This is how you show everyone your dick. You get together with five of your buddies, and you all are real comfortable with seeing

each other's dicks. Right. We're going to get to see Mikey's dick. How are you going to do that? We're going to shame him. We're going to shame him into showing us his dick. And we're going to take our dicks out. We're going to walk to see Mikey's dick how are you going to do that? we're going to shame him we're going to shame him into showing us his dick and we're going to take our dicks out we're going to walk into that steam room

and we're just going to let your nuts hang what the fuck are you doing with your pants? take your goddamn pants off and he'll be like alright alright Jesus why does everyone want to see Mikey so bad? because Mikey probably has a little dick which is why he keeps his pants on that's what I felt like

I felt like everybody thinks I have a small one because I got my pants up but that's not it um just get a different hobby what are you doing yeah but but the other thing is when you're around people like that right and it's not a bad thing it's a life choice but if you're around flossy people if you're a person who likes rolls royces and giant mansions and you know you like that baller I got a big fat diamond ring lifestyle. Yeah.

That guy's around those people because he's selling diamond rings. He's selling diamonds. Right. Diamonds motherfucker. He's got billions

for selling diamonds. How many carats you want? 48 million dollar ring. Woo. Look at that. Blue. A blue diamond. 48.

Oh yeah. Million. 48 million A father bought it for his daughter Wow It's a magic rock Damn Imagine if you're the daughter

And you lose that shit You're out drinking You know You fucking pull your panties down To pee in a curb Cause you're so hammered Oh my god I'm so fucking hammered

I lost my ring My dad's gonna kill me It just slips right off While you're throwing up Throw throwing up in a dumpster. My dad's going to kill me. Yeah. Maybe the daughter was 40. It makes you realize that the things that really give you worth in life is not the dough.

It's something that's going to engage your head and make you feel a little useful. You're way better off having less dough and something you really love yeah but that's only if you have a certain amount of dough that's the problem yeah the stress of not having enough money to feed yourself and feed your family and well yeah roof over your head that's overwhelming for people especially as we were talking about earlier if people have fucking credit card debt or student loan debt or some insurmountable amount of debt that you can't get out of. Yeah, it just hangs on you. Then you're not really thinking about,

well, what's meaningful for my, what's a meaningful hobby for me? Oh, dude, it's the worst. Yeah. The feeling of debt is the fucking worst. And then the feeling of just working for nothing, that's also bad too. There's the feeling of like,

every day you're doing it just to exist. And at the end of the day, you're exhausted it just to exist and at the end of the day you're exhausted yeah so what is your life yeah what is your life is your life all this shit you hate to do yeah well that's the answer for most people most people most of the time the answer is you're doing something you hate to do and it's been me and i know it's been you at some point in your life yeah but god damn the the amount that your life can change if you just no longer have to do something you don't want to do yeah you could do something that you actually enjoy whatever it is whether it's carpentry or painting or whatever the fuck it is that you love to do do you think

it has to be your work or do you think you could be at work where you're like kind of into it but then you have some other passion that's, can that satisfy it? You could do that, but you're also, if your work isn't satisfying, that's most of your life. Yeah. People are like, yeah, you got to do what you got to do. Of course you do. Of course you have to do what you got to do.

That goes without saying. Yeah. So figure out a way out of there. Everybody's got a way out. Yeah. Don't, people love to say things like that. Like, hey, some people don't have that luxury. People love to say things like that like hey some people don't have that luxury people love to say things like that so you have to acknowledge that but that's that's the case with anyone who's ever done anything where it was hard to do right it's always it's

always going to be hard to do that that it's easy for you to say of course it's easy for me to say i'm just saying it's the easiest thing in the world i'm gonna put a rocket on the moon see i just said it wow think about how hard it's easy for you to say exactly of course it's easy to say but the difference just as a person who's done both the difference between doing something you hate doing and doing something you love doing it's off the charts how much better your life is no absolutely if you're making less money even if you're making less money exactly because you know to use comedy as an example because it's what we are when you were making five dollars a night literally five dollars a night as a comedian i was so much happier than when i had a day job oh yeah making real money it wants the i remember the feeling

of being able to make a living with just stand-up yeah like what like holy cow and not a good living just getting by in my beginning was super shaky yeah super shaky right like i started making money i was making like a little bit of money in boston but i always had day jobs and when i moved to new york and then jeff started managing me then i started making money like he'd get me booked in places and i'm doing i was working pretty much every weekend who was jeff jeff sussman my manager long time manager yeah started managing me when i was an open miker oh nice yeah we've been together forever wow he's the best you still with him yep wow that's amazing the best that's amazing he's the best i love the

guy that's great he's an awesome person too And just brilliant At his job Yeah Super low key Doesn't give a fuck About Hollywood Oh that's great But you know Yeah

He understands it Right He doesn't care He's like Do what makes you happy He just wants you to be happy That's awesome So he picked you up

When you were doing open mics Dude I was a scrub Wasn't even supposed to go On stage that night Really Yeah he came into town He had managed

Some other comedians Remember Bob Nelson You you know bob nelson oh yeah jeffy jeff football guy yeah yeah oh my god he managed him oh really yeah and he produced his uh hbo special wow and um they were parting ways and uh they were parting ways and jeff was like well maybe i've seen everybody that i've seen in uh new york maybe i'll take a trip to boston so he took a trip to boston and just fucking dumb luck when i was driving limos i wrote a joke that day i had this joke and i called up my friend oliver who was the manager at the club and i said hey man can i come in and do like five minutes because i have this joke i want to try out sure come on in and he me, so he hooked me up. And I went on stage, and I didn't even know Sussman was in the room. Because I didn't know he was in the room, I didn't give a fuck.

I was super loose. You knew who he was at that point? No, I didn't know who he was. You didn't know who he was, so it just didn't. But I knew that there was a manager from New York that handled Bob Nelson. I'd be like, holy shit. I'd probably freak out and choke. I'd probably choke. I mean, my choke. I probably would have choked.

I mean, my act was shaky as fuck back then anyway. You know, I'm only like two and a half, three years in a comedy, something like that. I was terrible. Anything could happen. Yeah, anything did often. Yeah. You know what? It was really interesting.

He took me to New York to, he saw me there. And then he took me to New York to try try out he wanted to see me perform in some other clubs so he said are you willing to come down to new york so i said sure yeah i've always wanted to i was so nervous about performing in new york yeah of course i thought new york city was different it was like more nervous than when he came to see me the second time in boston i was more nervous to perform in new york i was like i can't believe i was going to catch a rising star which doesn't exist anymore yeah just legends forget it your head yeah that's a big thing it's because you don't know it yet yeah well it was like the new york comics were always like the smart ones

that was the the thought process the insecure thought process in boss like the audiences are smarter they're not gonna buy your bullshit they're smarter over there. They're going to know you're not funny. They're going to know. They're going to know. And what's really funny is like, Sussman, we were talking about like clean comedy versus dirty comedy. And there was no real decision. Because back then, people would decide to be clean.

It wasn't like you're a clean comic because that's how you think. It's like, right well if you want to get more work the smart moves to go clean as a business decision as a business decision should dress nice and act clean he took me to this place uh we went to a bunch of places did east side comedy club which is a cool comedy club that used to be in long island and then he took me this place called fast eddies in huntington and it was uh it was a local bar that had a comedy night wow and we went upstairs and it was so the crowd was so fucking rowdy and so drunk and there was a dude on stage his name was george gallows hilarious dude yeah who uh was doing a reverse shit with

with a banana he was like as you're waiting to go on so he had a banana that he was like he was somehow or another slurping it like it was a reverse shit and he's doing this in front of you know these people are hammered it's like a wednesday night or some shit right and susten says uh he grabs me by the arm you don't have to perform here we're gonna we're gonna get out of here and i said no fucking way i go listen man these are my people i go i go just trust me let me go up my people i'm like this is what i do man all the gigs that i got in boston were all bar gigs yeah i'm gonna handle this yeah you get hard you get tough yeah well also plus it's once you've done a bunch of them yeah it's like chaos it's fun you know what to do. Yeah, for sure. It's a different kind of comedy.

It's like combat comedy. Yeah, which it was. At that time, you ran into that more than you didn't run into that. Yeah, well, even today, if you get road gigs, if you're an up-and-coming guy or gal, and you get road, especially if you're a gal, girls get it way harder in the early days. My friend's girlfriend admitted the other day that when she sees a female comedian at a comedy club, she cringes. Still? To this day.

Wow. She goes, I get super uncomfortable when they start going on stage. And if they're funny, it's a huge relief. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? And as a feminist, I hate saying that. It's terrible. She goes, I consider myself a feminist. I hate saying that. It's terrible.

She goes, I consider myself a feminist. I hate saying that. I feel like it's gotten beyond that. I feel like there's so many. Oh, yeah. Such strong. At the top of the chain, but if you're in some weird club in the middle of nowhere and some. Yeah, I get the, I get that.

I get like, especially if you're a feminist and you're around, you just don't want her to bomb because then you think, well,, the rest of the audience is going to think that's what all women are. Yeah, there's that too. And there's that she just doesn't think they're funny very often. She's not a comic, so she's just being honest about it. And we were laughing. Like, oh no! Because when a girl says that, you're like, oh no.

But back then, it was like every time, even in good clubs like the Comic Strip oh no yeah but it was but back then it was like it every time even in like good clubs like the comic strip or caroline's it was just like it was war war it was war but nothing compared to like the get do you ever get any of those bob gonzo gigs in new jersey oh yeah chaos oh god yeah it was like a frat party that just threw you up. They didn't want comedy. Those road gigs, though, they season you in a different way. They season you for like, the Comedy Store was similar to that for a long time. Because the Comedy Store in the early days had no crowd control.

None. I mean, literally zero. So the crowd was in control. Sometimes. No one ever was in control. Sometimes. No one ever shut anybody up. No. But the new regime, it's handled so much differently. It was a new concept. It's so much better.

So much better. But it did make you bulletproof. Yeah, you knew how to handle drugs. You came through that time. Maybe it still exists when you're going through, but if you do that many gigs that's why i don't i really don't believe in just going to your one little alt room over and over again where you know you're coddled and supported and i really believe that you have to

go into all these hellish situations so you just anywhere you go you know you can go and kill. Yeah. That's an important part to being a comedian. Yeah, and you also, as you become a successful comedian, you could fall into the trap of only performing in front of your audience. Right. You know, you really do have to drop in on other people's shows. Yeah, right. People don't know who you are and why. Yeah.

That's what's great about the store lineup, too, right? There's 15 comedians. Right. And they're probably not there to see you. No. They're probably there to see this guy or that guy. Yeah, no, it's great. You have to be able to survive because you see people that come out of those other environments and then they get thrown into this and they don't know how to act.

Yeah, I think comedy is like a lot of other things that are difficult. There's things that you can do to get better at those. things that are difficult. There's things that you can do to get better at those. Yeah. You know, like they say that, like, if you learn languages, you could get better at chess. I read something about that.

Does that make sense? Did I make that up? It sounds about right. Google that. I would buy that. If you learn a new language, it'll make you better at chess. I might have made that up. Just the way your brain is. I might have been high, lying in bed,

trying to think of all the different cross-training methods. How could I be better at chess? Do you play chess? No, but I want to. But I'm scared. It's fun. I'm scared. Why?

You saw me play Quake earlier. I have addiction problems. I have crazy addiction problems. Chess is addicting. Tom Papa walked in and Jeff and I were going to war. Holy cow. We were going at it. That was the most intense thing I've ever seen you do. Isn't it intense?

It's intense. It's intense. Both of you on the keyboard and the thing sweating your ass off in front of these monitors. You were taking like deep, deep breaths in the middle of it. These guys are just firing off at each other. It was intense. You got to try to stay calm. And we're in this very very small map so i always

know where he is he always knows where i am and there's a limited amount of ammunition and armor and when you get jacked and you come back less strong with a weaker weapon you gotta run to get a good weapon quick and then you gotta run to get where the fucking armor is and he knows where that shit is so it's a crazy duel like oftentimes if he kills me he'll kill me two or three times in a row it was so much faster than i thought it was gonna be oh yeah i mean in real intense is it always that like you're just in one courtyard one stone courtyard running around many many maps you can just go yeah this that's a good one for one-on-one okay we have these one-on-one matches the most fun because there's no other variables right the variables of like if there's like 10 people in the room and everybody's shooting everybody which is a lot

of these maps i'll show you that too that's more chaos oftentimes you get killed when you're fighting a guy and then someone comes from behind you don't even see him and they shoot you it's annoying so how addicting is this for you oh real real it's a real problem because you used to do it right yeah yeah i'm way better at it now. I'll do it for an hour and then I'll stop. And then you'll be good. In the old days. It's very addictive.

But everything's addictive to me, man. Everything. I know. All of it. Anything I like. I know. Anything I like. It becomes addictive.

That's why your shoulder's messed up. Exactly. That's from jujitsu. But it's not. The shoulder was more of a maintenance thing. It wasn't that bad. It was just of a maintenance thing it wasn't it wasn't that bad it was just getting a little sore and i wanted to get looked at and there was some tendinitis in there right so i just i'm real proactive at 51 i have to be real proactive about

injuries and when things feel squirrely yeah it's the problem you can get hurt and then you can't work out anymore yeah i like it too much you know i like um but even if it's not something as intense as jujitsu i just need to do something whether it's yoga or running it is like me no workout me workout i like me when i work out so much more i like me better it happened to me in uh san francisco after the day after the banya i'm just i just woke up i had good shows friday i'm just like but i just woke up like just in a shitty mood just kind of and i knew if i could just get my shoes on and go for a run i my whole day is going to be different yep and it's a just a half hour just going out doing a comeback and i was totally in the same room just feeling completely different like crazy it's just a mental which also you're flooding your brain with

all the beautiful thoughts and ideas that happen in there and while you're running while you're breathing you got all these fucking ideas that come to your brain you get interested you're breathing and you're running you're concentrating you're going slow down a little bit here slow down a little bit then you're like fuck yeah we're out here doing it we're out here running yeah it's a big deal and this who knows what chemicals are firing off in your brain man dude it's my dog and me because we run together a lot inseparable really dude it's crazy it's hilarious he follows me everywhere like when i down, he sits right next to me. It's the best.

I've never had a relationship with a dog like this. Oh, man. I've had dogs that I loved that were great, but this dog's like stuck to me like glue. It's hilarious. Wow, that's so great. Part of it is because we run so much. Yeah, yeah. He gets so thrilled. He's so happy.

He's connected. When we run, he turns and he'll run ahead of me, And then he'll come back to me to check up on me. And he comes back and runs with this big smile on his face. Like, I can't believe we're out here. And then he goes to try and run again. How far are you running with him? A couple miles. That's good.

In the hills. Just pretty steep hills. Oh, that's good. That's a workout. Yeah. If I have a short time, I can do... There's one real steep trail that I run. There's one steep trail that we have to drive to a little bit, but it's super steep.

Oh, yeah. It's way out near like Agora. That one's rough. Yeah. That's a rough one. That's got to be tough. Yeah, because it's real long. It's like, the whole thing is the hills, because the hills are no pounding.

Right. You can get a good hill under you. It's way harder. Yeah. I just just i base it on 140 beats a minute anytime i get below 140 beats a minute i i'd start running again but i'll do these sprints i'll go as far as i can i get into the 180s and then when i'm like fuck i gotta take a break i'll just take a break and i'll look at my heartbeat get my heartbeat down now somewhere in the 140s, 40, anywhere around 145, then I'm ready to go again. Right. And then I'll go again.

I'm usually like 160s running. Dude, it's rough. Hills are rough. Hills are really rough. They're a different thing. But it's changed my kicking power. Oh, yeah? It's actually gave me more kicking power.

Yeah. Yeah. I can kick. Believe it or not, it's probably like i want to see like 10 five or ten percent more power from the runs yeah my hips are bigger it's like i have these muscles around my uh like my butt like the hip area right you know like where your belt is like right below where your belt is yeah i never had a muscle there right i'm like what is that this is crazy this is all from hills

This is all from running hills Wow So when I stomp Like if I stomp the back Like a front kick to the bag That forward thrust Is the same thing you're doing All the time when you're running

Right You're running You're pushing off one leg And you're pushing off the other leg And you push Because you're going up a hill Yeah yeah yeah So when you're kicking

You're pushing off that leg And thrusting that other leg forward It's crazy Is your dog Good on the hills is your dog uh good on the hills does your dog ever get tired yeah he gets tired yeah he gets we know when they get tired they get tired when you throw the ball right then it's a sprint it's a sprint and then you bring it back a sprint bring it back right it's like seven times like yo bro i'm gonna lie down over

here like no no come on man give me that ball, man. My sister has to put down her dog tonight. 16-year-old dog. A big, almost like a spaniel kind of thing. Wow. 16 years. And she's just been hanging on. She's just been the greatest. And tonight, 7.30.

Wow. Just has to go. There's no joy left. She just can't go anymore. It's going to be rough. I've talked to her on my way in and it's just like what a brutal thing to have to do yeah it's so 16 years yeah my dog got hit by a car when i was like 14 oh 14 or 15 right in front of me i was taking her across the street and we had we had a busy street near our house and some car came down the street really fast and she got off the leash and ran right into this hit her in

a volkswagen ah yeah it was rough dude i brought her up i carried her up to the house did she die instantly she died in like she died looked at 15, 20 minutes. That's so brutal. It was rough. She started shitting all over the place. How old was she? She wasn't that old. Maybe five or six.

It's brutal. There's nothing worse. It's so painful. Sweet dog, too. Yeah. It was a bummer. She just loved being in the park. We were headed to the park, and she just got a little too excited and ran. I didn't see the car coming.

I didn't get a hold of her collar in time. That's brutal. It was so bad. It was so bad. But she got knocked flying. I didn't even know she was going to die. You couldn't tell. All the injuries were internal.

I brought her upstairs. She started shitting herself. She started shitting all over the place oh it was very unusual for her she was yeah she was house trained yeah you know and i was really scared and oh have you had to go through any pet deaths with your kids yet yeah yeah the two my two dogs i just had to put both of my dogs down my dogs oh for real Yeah, they were 13. It was a Mastiff, and he was 13. Wow, that's a great run for a Mastiff. At the end, I used to have to carry him into the house.

Yeah. He couldn't walk anymore. He would walk, like, literally, he would be like, he would walk a step, walk a step, and then just stay, and his legs would be shaking, walk a step, walk a step. Oh, that's so sad. How did the kids handle it? They were really sad. Yeah.

It was hard, man. Isn't that the hardest thing when you watch. How did the kids handle it? They were really sad. Yeah. It's hard, man. Isn't that the hardest thing when you watch your kids have to deal with it? It makes it so much harder. Yeah. I mean, it's, but... They're trying to be brave.

I think there's a lesson in it, you know? Oh, for real. I think it's not a good experience, but I think it's good for them to experience. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. Especially that. They have to go through it. You know, like, pet death and and just just having those little relationships with animals you know when you're a kid it's like your dog you could always talk to them and oh yeah you can say crazy shit to your dog you know your dog could be sitting in your room with you and you go you know what it's just you and me you you're the only one that understands me.

Your parents are acting like assholes. No one likes you in the house, but your dog still does. I know my parents are a piece of shit, but you're not. You're the best. Everyone yells at me. Get over here. You're going to come with me. Let's go.

Let's get out of here. When I move out, I'm taking the dog, Mom. Oh, it's the best. But watching your kids trying to be be brave trying not to cry that is such a heartbreaker just trying to be like i'm okay oh just the worst yeah this would kill me hey do you notice deep up by your house, we have mosquitoes now. Really? We have like legit, we never had mosquitoes out here. There's like real mosquitoes and they bite you only from like your knee down.

Everybody around where I live is saying the same thing. We've never had mosquitoes. If you just wear pants, then your problem is solved. I only wear pants. So how are they biting you? Well, I take my shoes off once in a while. Don't do that. You're right, though.

I have noticed mosquitoes. I noticed some last night. We never had them in Southern California before. I don't know where they're coming from. Well, we definitely had them. We just didn't have many of them. And this is how I know we had them. I moved into a house once in Encino, and no one had lived there for at least a year, I think.

And the pool had not been tended to. So the pool was filled with mosquito larvae and bro i mean it's like fish like schools of fish oh my god around there and i was freaking out i was like what is that are these fish and i you know hired this guy kevin the pool guy and kevin the pool guy came over and he was like bro those are mosquito larva oh my god no way oh maybe that's where they all came from it's a new thing i mean we used to have our doors open our windows open no screens no problem but now all of a sudden just this last year yeah we're so sad you have to live like the rest of the world now i don't why do i live here if i have to put screens on my windows do you think that'll last the world now i don't why do i live here if i have to put screens

on my windows do you think that'll last will it change i don't know have you heard about this do you see that shit that i posted yesterday about that yellow mustard plant yeah black mustard looks so beautiful i was like oh that's nice and it was the most ominous posting though well it's very strange man because this shit didn't exist before like i never saw like on the same hills where i'm seeing it dominate the hill yeah it literally didn't exist a year ago and now it's just like an invasive plant yeah it's a crazy plant i just looked up mosquitoes in los angeles and the thing it's an article from the end of last year but it says have you experienced an unusual number of mosquitoes bites this summer mostly below excuse me mostly below the knee and especially around your ankles how about that it's a called an aid it's called 80s and the aids bug an aids bug you have 80s aed es and it's a

real problem right here wow yeah it's a problem it's a real problem what do i live in maine he just read it e-d-e-s and it's a real problem that's funny they're spreading like wildfire says susan clue director of scientific and technical research services for the greater los angeles county vector control district sounds like suzanne needs money for a fucking business that's what it sounds like to me bro our phones are exploding fake news kidding los angeles is home to two particularly troubling Types of invasive Aedes mosquitoes

The Asian tiger mosquito Arrived first having hitched a ride With shipments of lucky bamboo from China You and your bamboo I don't think my poetry I think it's like a polymer China in 2001 Vector control specialists monitored plant nurseries across the county

and soon stopped finding the mosquitoes in their traps. They thought the insects had been eradicated. However, in 2011, residents in El Monte began complaining about unusually aggressive, daytime-biting mosquitoes plaguing the neighborhood. Yes, in the daytime. Mosquitoes. This this is happening they've been infiltrated what do you think would happen if people started seeing malaria in america why hasn't that happened good question i'm sure dr peter hotez could have explained that to us

right when he was talking about infectious diseases from malaria is malariaism i know when i was still living in ohio west nile virus would pop up a lot with mosquitoes they're not like not like every day or anything like that but i know they'd have to spray certain neighborhoods all the time like stay in keep your kids and keep your pets and we're spraying your neighborhood yeah man west nile i didn't sign up for this how about how about signing up for spraying? That's scarier than the West Nile because the spray is going to get to everybody. They used to spray when I was a kid in New Jersey. They would spray for the gypsy moths.

Jesus. They wouldn't even tell us. They're just like, look at that plane, and shit would be coming out of its ass end. Think of the difference between the way a butterfly gets treated and a moth. Yeah. Well, moths deserve it. Dirty. Isn't it funny?

Butterflies are beautiful. They're a little chalky and they have a plain color. They've got like that fur on their head. They're the same thing. No, they're gray or white. Yeah, but it's only the way they look. Yeah, the butterfly's beautiful. But isn't that crazy? Orange and black like we love them love them you find a spider you stomp it

you would never go to a zoo and go into the moth house if you kill a ladybug you're an asshole oh completely you're a type of person who kills ladybugs yeah but if you don't kill roach i can't hang out with you if like you you let a roach run across your kitchen floor And you're like Sat Nam Roach Sat Nam Namaste I save all Kill that fucking thing You got a roach in your kitchen lady Right? Yeah absolutely

But a ladybug has a couple dots on it Why are we racist with bugs? Because there's such a thing as beauty Okay that's why squirrels get a pass and rats don't Yes Bushy tail Yeah looking cute Little style like a fringe jacket there's such a thing as beauty. Okay, that's why squirrels get a pass and rats don't. Yes. Bushy tail. Yeah, looking cute. Little style like a fringe jacket. Imagine if the tail was just because they found out

if the tails grew bushy, people would stop killing them. Yeah. I mean, what's more disgusting than just a skin tail with nothing on it? Like a possum. Like a possum's tail. Possums don't even cause any problems. They're disgusting. possum tail like ew you little fucking get the bat little hands get the bat little hands and your little reptile

tail oh creepy little beady eyes yeah disgusting yeah but like we we have certain animals that we like like raccoons look we don't like raccoons when they're eating out of your garbage but no if someone had a pet raccoon you would think that's the dopest thing ever. We secretly want relationships with raccoons. If they would only be nicer to us. Yes. We would embrace raccoons. Raccoons don't want to have shit to do with us.

They don't. I don't get it. They're smart. They're too smart for us. We're nice to them. These people are assholes. Just wait until they go to sleep and eat their trash. We'll just eat their garbage.

It's safer to eat their garbage. Yeah, they put lids on it. That shit doesn't work. They've got that cool black mask. Yeah, you lift the lid. You throw it aside. You pull the bag out. They have hands.

I know. They have people hands. They do have the little tiny people hands. I know. Yeah. They can grab stuff, smoke cigarettes, hang out. Yeah, they... Text.

They also kill chickens. Well, so do we. Do you know who's a real predator? Skunks. Skunks are predators. There's a skunk living in the back of my yard. Sprayed my dog. Oh, no.

It's still there? I think so. Come on, bro. Man up. What am I going to do? Take out the skunk. Hazmat suit. BB gun.

Time to go to war. I got to go crawl under the thing and find him? Crawl into the thing. He goes, look at this fucking hand. Look at that raccoon's hand. That shit's crazy. It's like he's flaunting. He's like, yeah, look at that.

His hand is so much smaller than his face. It's crazy. Imagine if your hand was that small in relationship to the size of your head. He's adorable, though, isn't he? He is. He's a cute little fella. He's like, look, you think I'm staying out of your garbage? No way.

Look what I'm working with. Do they have opposable thumbs? Look what I'm working with. It didn't quite seem like... No, it looks like five fingers with no thumb. Right. That's the thing they never figured out. Look at his teeth.

They never figured it out. Like they had meetings. They're in jazz hands. Dudes, we just need a thumb. Let me see the teeth there. Look at when he's got his mouth open. Look at that. Whoa, that would hurt.

That would really hurt. That would fucking suck. Look, one of them's chipped. Yeah, from biting you in the head. Do you think if a raccoon attacked you, you could fight it off? No. Well, you could stomp it. What would you do?

Would you give up? It might cut your neck. When would you decide we're going to the death? Immediately. Immediately? Yeah. You wouldn't try to talk the raccoon out of this? No.

Like, hey, fuck off. As soon as he makes a move, I'm ready. No. Because I've been thinking about it since childhood. Oh, look at that one. I don't want that one biting my nose. Yeah. He looks like a hyena.

No. Fucked a raccoon and made that thing. I've been thinking these things are coming after us my whole life. So if he makes a move, it's on. Bro, those teeth are goddamn terrifying yeah look at those teeth no and they're sneaky that's a big thing and they're filled with rabies filled yeah to the top like their balls are heavy with rabies it's just oozing out of them like two water balloons raccoons strongest sense is touch oh i touch you. Raccoons rely on their hands more than their

eyes. I'm going to touch you now. Studies suggest that their sensitivity to touch increases when their hands are wet, which might be why they always wash their food. Wow. I just washed my hands and now I am going to touch you when you sleep. I am going to touch you and your children while you are

sleeping with my five finger hands like if a rat was as big as a raccoon and tried to kill you you'd be fucking terrified no we'd be we'd be spraying oh if there were rat size things just going through la yeah but why do you think we'll spray for these mosquitoes i think it's time to call our congressman well i think that everyone's afraid of chemtrails, and if you start spraying, circling greater Los Angeles, dropping poison down. That's the rat with the pizza? I've seen that. Oh, yeah, the pizza rat.

He's famous. Rats are disgusting, too. Yeah, they're pretty gross. Have you ever seen that Netflix documentary? On rats? Yeah. No. Oh.

Oh, no, really? Dude. Oh, dude. Really? Yeah. You need to watch it Cause it's It's educational

It's not just gross And it's really gross But when you realize How many of them There really are In major cities Yeah The biomass of them

Yeah It's Stunning Really New York's all rat It's just It's just It's rats

It's as many rats It's more Or somewhere in the neighborhood of as many rats as there are people really and there's eight million people and there's how many more as as many or more jeez yeah just i don't think they know i mean you see them non-stop walking around they're just guessing yeah obviously most of them are subterranean most of them are living in houses and most of them I mean, they burrow their way into tiny little holes. How long does a rat live?

That's a good question. How long does a rat live? Because they're born. There's a lot of them. But do they stick around for like 20 years? Dude, the documentary showed how they send young rats to try out poison. Really? Yeah.

The old rats sit back. Suicide rats? They send them out there because they don't know any better. They let them die. They're just assholes. Wow. Yeah. Here're just assholes. Wow. Yeah. Here's a little tip.

If they're ever doing construction in New York in front of a restaurant, you don't eat it. You don't eat on that street. Why? Because they're digging it up, whatever their little ecosystem is, and they're just... Oh, no. So if they're digging up the street there, dine somewhere else. I would imagine in New York it must be so hard to keep them out of a restaurant. Oh, it's gotta be so hard. I guess maybe you leave some in the dumpster for them.

Like, you give an offering to the monsters. Just a head. Yeah, like when they used to tie the girl onto the steaks for Kong. So you'd leave everybody else alone. Add a little shish kebab stick. It's like your last job when you're

closing down the restaurant. You pull the gate down. The rats are our friends. Put the skulls out. Well, what is

interesting, what are those? Various sizes of them. They mostly go up to about two pounds. He says in New York City, he doesn't

think there's any that are three because they'd be too big to be able to move around. It's like a physiological limit to their size. Does it say how long they live?

Average about two years, one to two years in the wild, up to four if you have it as a pet. Oh, wow. That's it? Yeah. My wife used to have pets. Hamsters are like that. My wife had rats for pets when she was a kid. Was she goth?

No. She was just a Jersey kid, just loved animals, and she would just ride her bike around, and this rat would just be on her shoulders. Oh, Jesus Christ. Weird rat lady. Weird. Yeah, it's weird. But I get it if it's your pet.

But she said they were super smart and super affectionate. Yeah. If you had it its whole life, and you raise it right, yeah, why not? Yeah, it's not dirty. It's not like going through the sewers and eating poo and climbing on your head. Right. But it would if you just let it go maybe 100 she like had it out with her go rat like if you just let it let it loose in the wild

how long would it take for how long would it take for a domesticated rat to adapt to living in like a new york city sewer 40 seconds what do you think they would do? They'd just get there. That would be a crazy fucking Disney movie. Hey, look at you from the suburbs. What, have you been living in a house? Yeah, with like, you know those multicolored rats?

They have like all these cute little different colors on them. Oh, you're so clean with your pink hair. Oh, you got different colors. Look at you. Hey, Joe, get a load of this one. It's not even gray. Hey, Joe, get a load of this one. He's not even gray. Hey, how come you ain't gray? Look at you.

You're white. You're brown. You're like a fucking dog over there. You think you're better than us, don't you? Yeah. Yeah, get over here. I guess you don't know

how to get into the restaurant, do you? You're looking hungry. What, do you got money on you? You give us some money, we'll show you where you get all the good food. Yeah. You ever been to Little Italy?

Wait till I show you. What a shit roll of dives. Getting born a rat. Being born a rat. The worst. Terrible. Nobody likes you. No one likes you, but you do survive pretty well.

You'd be better off being a javelina. What's a javelina? It's a peccary. What's a peccary? It's like a cousin to a pig. What's a pig? You ever seen a javelina? No.

Doug lives in Bisbee, Arizona, Stanhope. By the way, I think it sold out, but he's taping his uh his next special in vegas next month oh nice yeah in vegas that's cool where he lives in bisbee like he basically that's that's a javelina he lives really close to the border like i think he's only like six miles from the border or some crazy shit um and um these things live in the wild out in the desert right fucking they're aggressive. Ew. And they fucked up his neighbor's dog. They killed his neighbor's dog.

No. Yeah, man. The dog was out, and the javelinas will flank it. They'll get on both sides of it. They hunt in a pack? Yeah, they hunt in a pack. And they will attack a small dog. Ew.

That thing's disgusting. Yeah, they're gross, dude. That's like a giant rat. It looks like a giant rat. Well, it does look like a pig-fucked rat. Oh, somebody shot it in the face, though. Crossbow. People hunt them all the time. It looks like a pig-fucked rat.

You see that guy shot one? It does look like a pig-fucked rat, right? It does, yeah. Click on the guy who shot one. Yeah, bow and arrow. A lot of guys hunt them with archery equipment. See, wouldn't it be better if he was dressed in a coat with a tie in those boots? No, because you don't want that thing to see you.

Look at that. That's a rat face. Bro, that is such a... That is rat face. Please go back to that picture. That last picture. On a giant body. Scroll back to that last one and make it bigger again.

Yeah. Bro, that guy's hunting rats. Ew, look at its teeth. That's like a slightly different looking rat. Ew. Oh, you want to know what's really crazy? That's a giant rat. That's a hundred pound rat.

Yeah. Without a tail. That's so gross. And you know what's really crazy is those animals, they're the best animal to a call. Now, what a call is, is like you'd make a sound of a wounded animal. No, you make like... Like something that's suffering. Like people take their hand.

These fuckers run in. They run in. Really? Yes, they're so aggressive it's crazy because they think something's hurt and i can go eat it they but they have to act quick because there's coyotes out there and mountain lions out there so when something's hurting and they hear like fuck food and they just run towards it so when you're bow hunting you almost have to have one person make the call and you're at full draw and then they start calling and the things come

running in and you shoot at them yeah it's crazy you couldn't do it you couldn't get to the bow you wouldn't get the bow in time because they'd see you and they go fuck it's a guy and it would turn off the other way again yeah are these like invasive are they all over his property no they're natural they're no but i mean are they not invasive but i mean is there a lot of them yes there's like a ton around where he lives? They exist. Yeah. I mean, they exist in the desert.

I mean, they exist in healthy enough populations that people hunt for them. Wow. And they eat them. They say they taste good. Ew. Yeah. I wouldn't eat that. But you eat a pig.

Yeah, but they're cuter. Wild boar? Yeah. With crazy tusks? Yeah, those are gross, too. Those are pretty gross, too. No, my pigs. My pigs. Look at this. the ones i eat have bow ties they're climbing around this guy's garage and little tap shoes

sometimes a hat look at this shit they're staring him down bro they're staring him down they're in his garage there's a whole bunch of them what in the fuck is that right on your kid's toy look at his it's all it up in a threatening way. Look at that. It's just going to take a dump in your driveway. Dude, you do not want that in your life. I don't want to live there. There's fucking 20 of them in this guy's driveway.

See? Look at that one there in the back. Roll that back again. How many were there? There was like 12. What is the name of that video for people who want to watch it? Wild Javelinas Make a Visit to Arizona Home. Wild Javelina.

Yeah, no, no, no. I know you can't show it. Those fucking things are everywhere. There's a lot of them. With the wild javelina. How many of them there are? Seven, eight, at least. At least eight. And then there's the one that was on top of the, there's nine.

And then there's the one that was on top of the truck. And then there's the one that you can see through the fence yeah and there's probably more out there oh it's going in the car it's going into the kid's little car jesus christ oh it's in the passenger seat of the car gross fucking i feel like wild javelina is like a dean martin song you think so look at all of them over there look at all of them Fuck man They're weird looking too They look like they're demons I don't like them at all

They got little beady eyes Like they're up to no good But If you were a little kid You're thinking like I wouldn't live there Because that's there But if you live in New York

At night Who knows what's climbing All around your building Right Could be. Eagles and shit, right? Is that what you're talking about? No.

Hey, Google. I'd rather get into my house in a. Google javelina eats baby. Let's see if that's ever happened. Like a human baby? Yeah, a human baby. Let's see if that happened. What do you think?

If a javelina ate a human? Yeah. Like, you see those fucking things. Yeah. There's 20 in that guy's driveway Oh they've definitely eaten babies I'm exaggerating It wasn't 20

Someone's eaten a baby right now It's probably 13 It was probably 12 A baker's dozen A baker's dozen Of javelinas Yeah they would eat a baby A toddler

Yeah Knock it down Yeah I mean if they eat a dog Yeah You think they're scared of people They obviously weren't scared of that dude No

That's a full blown person And a baby doesn't have fur doesn't have anything i know i put his hair up spikes up to let you know it's threatened did i ever tell you the story when i pulled a rat out of my uh pool vacuum ew was it alive no did it stink it had it stunk i'm like why isn't the vacuum working did you think about and i dove in and i pulled it up and there was a half a rat its ass sticking out the vacuum and as soon as i got it above the water flies just and i had to pull it out without it there's a question where the fuck are the flies before the shit? Good question.

Where the fuck are they? All over. They're not that many. Like, if you're around, like, a person's backyard, how often do you see flies? Every now and then there's one. It's kind of annoying. But if you just pulled your pants down and shat on the ground,

there would be flies on there within a matter of moments. you mean right after i swam yeah right after you swam just shat right on their lawn you mean you're after swim shit yeah yeah and then all of a sudden they show up yeah it's disgusting it happened so fast so gross like all of a sudden they're all over it yeah like where'd you guys come from we should just stay inside did you find a baby death from a javelina? A couple months ago, a couple people in Arizona were attacked, and they had, like, a woman was bit while she was walking her dogs. Another guy was bit while he was feeding them,

and he didn't feed it fast enough, and it bit him. That's about as most I could find. Well, the lady who got bit, that's the scary one because the guy who fed him is an asshole. Yeah, right. The scary one, there was a lady him is an asshole yeah right the scary one there was a lady got bit by a coyote recently in uh dallas oh yeah no no yeah it was around the dallas area i think they think that there's this one coyote that's been biting people it's a rogue unusual coyote it's been snapping at people oh really yeah they had bite marks on their legs oh my god yeah

it's gross man because they will kill you. Ew. They would kill you. They're just small. They're just not sure if it's worth the effort, and you're around people, and they're worried that, you know. One-on-one, could you fight off a coyote? I don't know if you could, man. I mean, I think you probably could if you had to, but they'll fuck you up, man.

They just keep biting. If there's a few of them, that's where the real problem comes. If they bite you in the right spot. Yeah, man, they'll rip your tendons apart. You won't be able to run away. They know what they're doing, too. You know, they know what they're doing. They try to take your legs out. I mean, they know what they're doing.

They're not going to try to jump up and bite you in the neck. They're going to try to take your hamstrings out. Right. Yeah, they're trying to rip your legs apart so you can't run. Why are they so mean? That's how they're alive. You're not leaving any food out for them are you no i gotta do what they gotta do it's called domestication that's how we have dogs

you ever take your family camping i have not yeah i haven't either i would though i wanted to take my uh kids to yosemite because i love yosemite do you bring a piece sidearm nothing nothing just went solo we weren't camping we. We were staying in an inn. We were staying in an inn. What about emergency food? No emergency food. Satellite phone? Nothing.

Nothing? Just a phone. First aid kit? Nothing. A bag of Funyuns and an iPhone. That's all you need. And I want to show them Yosemite because it's such a great part of my life. I love it.

I've lived in the backcountry for like a week at a time. I just love the whole thing. And I'm telling them about it i'm building it up they're like you know begrudgingly going they're all vegetarians they just love nature they just love whatever so i'm like you're gonna love yosemite as soon as we drove into the park welcome to yosemite i ran over a squirrel the horror inside the car dad you didn't even slow down what's wrong you're a monster i'm like i can't it's two lanes there's a guy behind me a guy in front i just would steam roll the squirrel they were so they ruined the whole weekend anytime i'd be like look at this look at this beautiful view you killed a squirrel you didn't even care that's the weird part dad you didn't even care is that what they're saying

yeah we're supposed to cry i was just laughing cry like a bitch yeah exactly but that's funny because if you killed a deer you'd be sadder right yeah god damn it i can't believe that i can't believe how beautiful she is she was so nice with her little eyes and the little tail but a squirrel a peccary yeah if you kill one of them javelinas like that fucking rat thing i'm gonna find its mom that javelina would ruin your car bite your teeth it'd probably use its teeth to tear your tires apart then you'd be stuck on the side of the road trying to change the tire. You turn around, there's a whole pack of them closing in on you.

Would you not take your family because of all of this? Revenge. Do you not want them in the woods with you? What am I, a danger in the woods? Would I become a werewolf? What the fuck is that? You just got to stay in the tent tonight. Trust me.

I'll be right back. Not that you're the threat. Run. That you'd have to protect them from all the threats. Well, I mean, Yosemite doesn't have that many threats other than people. Bears? They have black bears. Yeah, most of them.

Mountain lions? Mountain lions are an issue. There's always something out there. Yeah. Grizzly bears. you're just you just don't feel like that's uh because you like going out in the nature you go do all that stuff i do like going into nature i also like being indoors like sleeping in a place where it's awesome to sleep people wiser than me have figured out that that maneuver is called a bed with a roof and a

locked door and a refrigerator you fucking cave person oh i'm gonna rough it i'm gonna sleep on the ground you don't have to did you know that you sleep in a house yeah but when you go hunting and stuff don't you sleep in the woods sometimes most of the time no i'm gonna have oh you don't you go back depends on what what guys i go with right like if i go with steve rinella we always almost always go camping uh camping. Except for when we're at our friend Doug Duren's place, which is, he lives in Wisconsin. And he's got a giant farm where we hunt deer on there. And that place, he's got a cool little deer hunting house. Oh, yeah?

That's near the stand. Like a cabin? It's like a house. Oh, nice. oh yeah that's near the yeah like a cabin it's like a house it's like a house oh nice it's a small house that everybody uh like hangs out in different spots there yeah right right great yeah i'd like to take my kids camping there's something nice about yeah sleeping in the woods and here in nature yeah you know what's cool not getting eaten hbo yeah take a shower in the morning that's nice yeah you got a point stove

coffee that's the big thing yeah yeah look but there's nothing better than a campfire i know hanging out especially at the end of a long day of hiking yeah it's the best you got a campfire and and if you get one of those little grates over the campfire you start cooking cook over the campfire oh it's the best one of the little grates over the campfire, you start cooking, cook over the campfire. Oh, it's the best. It's one of the best things in life. I know. Yeah.

And I feel like my kids don't have that connection. Do you worry about being with them in the woods? Yeah, a little bit. If anybody gets hurt, it's hard to get out. Yeah, and just the, you know, it's like if you and I went, we're both responsible for, we'd help each other out, but you got your act together. What? I'm going to leave you behind.

I'm sorry, what? I'm going to leave'm gonna leave say that again yeah i just i can't i cannot imagine if like two guys are planning a camping trip like hey we're gonna look out for each other i'm gonna leave you behind i'll tell you right now look i'm camping with you but i'm not i can't handle any adversity. I will fall apart. Just don't ask me to put... Where are you going? And we're not going in too far. I will walk one mile.

When the alarm goes off, we'll walk one mile. We camp. Dude, seriously? You're not going to help me out? No. I'll call somebody when I get home. Hey, he's back there like a mile i don't know something like a mile just swallow the blood he's got a backpack full of slim jims he'll be all

right he'll be good he's got enough food on well i left him one liter of my piss he can drink that just on his leg where i peed what a horrible camping companion i got good news and bad news the bad news is i don't have any water the good news is i have to pee so what do you want to do you want to die you want to die you want me to fill up your nalgene bottle uh awful no but you're but if you go with your kids and you're like you're responsible for everybody and everything and that's pretty yeah maybe just a hike well there's nothing wrong with camping with your kids it's a good idea just you know you have to you should if you really are going to go camping you definitely should bring first aid and definitely bring a satellite phone and and you can camp in places that you know you're not back country yeah a mile in you could just you know

pull up walk 200 feet. Or get yourself a fucking Airstream, son. Pull that bitch behind a truck. Yeah. Park, turn the generator on. Satellite TV. Yeehaw! That would be fun.

Fox News. You can rent those things. You could rent those and just get Fox News in the middle of the park. Tucker Carlson's right! Yelling out the window at the deer. Pew, pew! Making friends. Tucker Carlson's right yelling out the window pew pew making friends I think I would like to like

load them up in a RV kind of situation go see the Grand Canyon go through Utah vacation yeah like Chevy Chase yeah yeah

I think that that could be fun two more people just died in the Grand Canyon. What? Fell. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Why? They're not doing the railings? I don't know. I don't know what happened. I just read two more people just fell to their death in the Grand Canyon. Really? Let's see if we can find out what's going on. Why are people falling?

That was one of the first hikes I did with my father. We were doing the switchbacks. What did you say, Jim? I don't know if there's a reason why. It's like one guy just got too close and slipped. I need to know. Slipped off the edge. Stopped falling.

If I had Google Glass, I'd have known already. Yeah, if I had that memory link wire thing that Jamie's worried about. Jamie's going to be the first one to get it, and then he's going to organize to make sure that no one else gets it. My thought on that, too, is who is going to be the first one to get it and how do they decide that? Well, for sure, Marcus Brownlee and Lou from Unbox Therapy, they'll get it first and they'll put it on

and then they'll start running the world because they'll have it early. And they go, ah, no one else gets this. They'll try. But Mark Zuckerberg probably already has it. He's probably using it right now. Yeah. Trying to fend his case. Yeah, it's coming.

Something's coming. Yeah, man. What's it going to be? Who knows? What's it going to be? Yeah. Something's coming, and something's going to be more invasive than what we're experiencing now. So I can be sure of they're going to figure out how to get more and more data.

You know, Sam Harris has a really interesting podcast it's out it's either the one that's going on right maybe the two weeks ago and it was all about i should probably find it it was all about um privacy privacy and what's the difference between the way uh different tech companies approach privacy. It actually makes you respect how Apple does it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I mean, they apparently do it much more, I guess the word would be,

they're more ethical about it. They're trying not to give away any. The trouble with Facebook is what it's called. I was reading a thing yesterday that you put those doorbell things on, you know, like Ring, you know, that records people coming up to you. And they said, you know, you think it's cool for you and your family, but the UPS guy, all these delivery people are getting their picture taken and sent to a database every day. Like these people are being monitored all the time. So while it's good for you, it's not that great for these other people that visit you this guy's name is roger mcnamee that's the one it's the trouble of facebook it's episode 152 it's really it's very

interesting because the what what it goes into is about how tech companies figured out how to tap into a resource that no one thought of and that resource is your data and how much is that worth well it turns out it's worth fucking untold billions right it's one of the most valuable things because it you can direct market to people you could find out what people are into what they're not into yeah you get a you get a lot of people that you can get a hold of and we kind of gave our consent to this without understanding it yeah and they got in through a loophole and this is how they're able to make you know ungodly amounts of money just because we wanted to have that cool feature so you just say yeah here's take it from me i mean think about

the amount of money something like facebook brings in versus what it is like what is it what are you doing what are you doing that's making all that money right they're providing people with data yeah you know and they're also getting people to it's like an ongoing psychological experiment in what makes people engage like what makes people comment more right turns out it's anger oh Yeah. It turns out that what makes people engage the most is things they disagree with when they start having fights. Right. So they're having fights back and forth. So you get people to get really into these polarizing subjects. And then once they start looking for those subjects, then those subjects start showing up in their feeds.

So it's all sorts of things that they get angry about. So then they start interacting with these things The more you interact, the more it shows up in your feed And all the while They're profiting on enraging you Oh my god I mean this is essentially what they do Creepy Facebook patent uses image recognition

To scan your personal photos For brands Oh my god Yeah so they just take all your photos and look at the Dorito bags in the back? Applying computer vision algorithms to user-uploaded multimedia objects to detect specific objects within the multimedia object

and promoting the uploaded multimedia object from a user's news feed to a sponsored stories area. That's what the patent was awarded for wow geez computer vision content detection for sponsored stories wow that's crazy man yeah you snap a selfie sipping a unicorn frap at starbucks and then shares that selfie on facebook or instagram facebook's newly patented technology can theoretically scan the photo spot the starbucks and then shares that selfie on facebook or instagram facebook's newly patented technology can theoretically scan the photo spot the starbucks cup with the help of an image object recognition algorithm and then sell that info to starbucks alerting the coffee giant of the fact that you like its product well they're already doing a version of that with your searches

with the things you're looking at you know when you go through their browser they're already doing a version of that with your searches, with the things that you're looking at, you know, when you go through their browser, they're already doing that. Well, they're doing it also with voice. Your phone is listening to you all the time. Yeah. If you have Alexa in your home,

it's listening. My kids and we, we do it all the time. Like if you're talking about something and then all of a sudden you see, I was performing in Boise. And so we were talking about Boise, Boise, Boise.

And then everybody on their Instagram was getting an ad for vacationing in Boise, and so we were talking about Boise, Boise, Boise, and then everybody on their Instagram was getting an ad for vacationing in Boise. See, that seems like... Just from us speaking it. Yeah. That seems like a really serious thing. It is. It seems like a really serious thing that everybody's just like, oh, this is happening? Yeah.

I don't remember signing off on this. The technology's ahead of our anger, or our recognition of it. Yeah. We don't understand yeah so it's already happened by the time you're upset that it exists right yeah it's it's in full full force right now yeah yeah yeah it's really weird it's really weird it's really weird and we're just talking about it this is just we think it's you're just in your home you're in a private place yeah but these phones they're just listening you know we just all have them and again this is We think it's just in your home, you're in a private place. Yeah.

But these phones, they're just listening. We just all have them. And again, this is something that didn't exist 10 years ago, 15 years ago. These concerns didn't exist. What will be the concerns 15 years from now? How much more invasive is this going to get before we even recognize that it's happening? Yeah. Because this is something, the listening in on things, is something that people didn't think about before it happened right now they know it

does well the face recognition thing is there's a lot of articles on that and how that we don't realize well the china thing totally makes sense right especially if so many people's phones use face recognition software right samsung phones have it you know my my galaxy note 9 has it yeah iphones have it yeah yeah and you're psyched about it you're just like oh that's cool i don't have to put in my password anymore just look at it yeah now i'm in my app they also have one that's an iris scanner on the note the note scans your irises oh really yeah bro it's quick too looks at your eyeballs like yep you're you how the fuck do you know man what does that say jamie

i was trying to find this the first time you brought it up but i know that there's these masks that exist that are in quotes like hyper realistic masks that can be used to i don't know if it's this is saying it's used to help the facial recognition but i think people are using them to trick it and do fake stuff and like you, I don't know if you could commit a robbery with that on. Whoa. Right. It's just like having a ski mask on now. They just can't see your face, but it'll think so.

Right. Right. If you had a hoodie on. Yeah. What about a minority report? Remember when they had to pull his eye? They were selling eyeballs on the black market for the eye scan to get into buildings and stuff. All you would have to do with that is put like a bandana around your mouth.

Right? Yeah. So no one could see your mouth, right? Yeah. So no one could see your mouth moving. Have that thing on. And sunglasses. Yeah. But even my iPhone gets through my sunglasses, which I don't know how the fuck it does that. I know.

But it's facial recognition. But what I'm saying is with this, if you wanted to rob someone and have something, even the facial recognition software would think that it would legitimately think you were somebody else. Hopefully. Now and what about. Hopefully for when we're doing our crime. If you're trying to rob someone. When we're trying to rob someone. Or hopefully not.

Are you guys criminals? It's crazy. It's kind of happened. But it's so fast too. I mean you know this is so new. Also, like the special effects technology that allows people to make faces. Look how beautiful those things look. They look so close to a person.

You can buy these for $200. You can buy one? We should do it. Let's get one. Listen, I'm going to get you. I should buy you and then see if I can open up your phone. Yeah. Bro, that would be crazy. That would be cool. That would be crazy. see if I can open up your phone. Yeah. Bro, that would be crazy.

That would be cool. That would be crazy. See if it can open up your phone. It looks super creepy, but. Oh, that's so weird. Ew, he looks like a demon. Yeah, if they could add a little latex, it could be movable. It'd be kind of.

Wow, that looks pretty real, though. I mean, you know, a little creepy, but that looks pretty accurate. That's crazy accurate. I wouldn't look twice walking down the street. You wouldn't even think about it. No. You'd be like, that guy has a good shave. It's like, beautiful person, his skin's so smooth.

Yeah, he's like a baby's bottom. So polished. What? It was started off, that's my face dot com, and it's now been switched to whatever this is, you're me surveillance. That's just creepy. Do you guys know, is there a problem with doing like any of those uh 23 and me ancestry

things you're gonna have your dna bro the government they're gonna the illuminati's gonna check your fucking spit do they is it bad to do i don't know i do not do it what are they gonna do with it they're gonna clone me cares bro if they want your DNA, they can get it just by touching your clothes, getting a hold of your stuff. Yeah. They can get a hold of you. They can find out all sorts of stuff from hair samples. Right.

You can get behind hair. Yeah. If you drink at Starbucks and then they grab your cup, they can get a DNA sample off your cup. And someone can get your DNA sample. Right. So it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter.

So if I want to find out if I'm Greek or Italian. You should find out. I should find out. Yeah, it's pretty comprehensive. Have you done it? Yeah, I've done it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's interesting.

It gives you a lot of other weird stuff, too, like that you might have certain genes for certain proclivities, even including lactose intolerance, propensity to alcohol. Really? Alcoholism, yeah. Some super athletes have certain muscle genes. You should find out if you have those genes. Like power athletes. Like almost an extraordinary number of ones that are successful in certain sports.

Oh, really? Yeah. A type of gene. Yeah. And it gives you all this or you have to specify this? It gives that. Yeah. Oh, it's a really detailed report.

Oh, wow. Yeah. It's really detailed and covers all sorts of different categories. Yeah, interesting. It's cool, too, and you find out weird stuff. What part of Europe your parents were from. Maybe you have some Asian in you that you didn't know you had. It's really cool.

Yeah, that's cool. It's cool. It makes you really cool. Yeah. That's cool. It's cool. It's just, it makes you really think, like, to get here in 2019, what had to happen with all the people in the past. And if you keep going back, you know, like, I have a little bit of Asian in me. Oh, yeah. I think it was like 1% or something like that. But I'm thinking, like, where did that come from?

Like, who, where was that? Is that why you like jujitsu? I don't think so. I think a lot of people just like jujitsu bro is that why you like sushi um i don't think it's that asia i think i'm from a different asia but i don't know i think um i think you know if you could so somebody though went through asia hooked up with somebody yeah for sure but what i'm saying is i think that if you look at what technology was available, like 200 years ago for finding ancestry. Right.

People didn't even know if that was their kid 50 years ago. Right, exactly. 50 years ago, you had to guess, you know? Yeah. I mean, maybe they had paternity tests 50 years ago, did they? Like, just trying to find your roots, like back in Italy, you just have to go find, like, a town hall and see if there's a book with your great-grandfather in it yeah but i mean you didn't even know if your dad was really your dad if your mom was a hoe well i knew that i knew that around sixth grade i figured that out

but if you if you wanted to know a hundred years ago if you were the father of someone's child you had to look at the kid and go the kid looks like me yeah or convince yourself that the kid looks like you right or convince yourself the kid just got your wife's features but it's still your kid right but now you can actually get dna test done and be like oh you know what the coldest hardest shit is when you find out that it's not your kid but you still have to pay child support because you've been paying child support and you still have to if the dna confirms that he's not it's in different states there's different rules but But I believe that's how it is in California. And I believe that's how it is in several other states.

Where if it turns out the young lady had strayed. Oh, no. And caught some side dick. Ew. Hey. Hey. Hey. Woo.

Gotta go. And you gotta keep paying. Yeah. Oof. Yeah. That's not good. You you gotta keep paying yeah oof yeah that's not good to keep paying even if you do a dna test and you find out the child's not yours i think once you have started paying unless you you might have to go to court and and duke it out but i don't think your payment obligation stops just because it's not your kid oh and what a weird shift too if like you think it's this kid and you're supporting them and then to be switching too if like you think it's this kid and you're

supporting them and then to be switching your head like no i'm not gonna help them anymore they didn't have testing really until the 80s whoa yeah till the 80s oh it's a whole new world oh new world eek oj trial was one of the first ones that people didn't really even believe it remember that's kind of how he got off right right that's right and they started just saying that they didn't know how to handle the samples and well there was some funkiness with that too stepping all over it yeah they just still they didn't believe the one in a trillion kind of numbers they were passing out right i think overzealous aggressive like police and detectives. I think that's common.

I think that's as common as... Did you see that fucking video? Trying to make it happen. The Tesla sentient mode. Did you see that shit? No. You know, Tesla has a sentry mode, and it caught some politician back in his Escalade into a Model 3, scuffing it up, getting out, looking at to rub it out and then taking off and uh they

called him up because they could see his face in the video and they knew who it was because this guy had been like a kind of prominent politician and so um here it is there's those little the little nick but they said it was like two thousand dollars to fix i'm like jesus that's a lot of money for that little nick yeah it seems a little ridiculous a little scuff um so the dude just backs into it and tries to jet yeah uh it's funny yeah bonk right into the tesla this is the side camera that's always recording kind of yeah see he just backed his stupid. That guy just doesn't know how to drive. He might have been drunk. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Yeah, look at him. Looks at it. He gets down, looks at it. All right, we don't have to. Well, he tried to fix it. He's in deep shit. He tried to fix it.

The fuck he did. He denied it when they called him. Oh, they did? Yeah, and apparently that guy had already been to jail for something else. Ah. Yeah. You're dirty. Yeah, he, uh.

That's not good. He might it's hard man i um i bumped into someone's car once and i left a note with my phone number and my uh my address nice and uh not my address my phone number and uh my name and uh they called me up and they just so happened to be very good friends with someone who i was friends with so then he calls me up and he tells me dude you hit my friend's car and he tells me that's them i go tell him to call me man that's cool yeah it was noble well i it wasn't bad but it was something yeah you know it was like it was a little scuff on the bumper. Right. But I was like, oh, thank God I left a message.

Yeah. I felt like such a piece of shit. Yeah, exactly. I was hanging up with my friend, and he was like, man, some fucking asshole hit my friend's car and took off. You believe that shit? I'm like, no. Crazy. Bro, that's bullshit. And now cameras have everybody doing everything, so you'll always get busted. Crazy. Bro, that's bullshit. And now cameras have everybody doing everything.

So you'll always get busted. Yeah. When do you think it's going to be where you have a Tesla, you know what those things do. When do you think it's going to be where no one's driving? How many more years? Well, where a lot of people aren't driving. 20. Yeah.

I would say 20 to 30. You remember when Priuses were a joke? Yeah. Someone had a Prius. Like, get that fucking stupid thing away from me yeah or even the early tesla the roadster like do you know that top gear you want to you know that british show top gear yeah here's what's crazy i found out they did an episode where they pretended that the tesla roadster died on them while they were

driving around the track but it didn't really die on them that was just the storyline was that they wanted it to die so that's gross apparently the way the show is made it's like a comedy show and it's scripted so they can get away with doing something like that so elon musk sued them and i think he lost believe it or not because I think they don't claim to be exactly they don't claim to be factual and they complained they they don't they don't claim to not have narratives right they create that's so gross that up just to make sure that I'm that's gross it's pretty gross it's amazing how many shots that they take Elon Musk called top gear completely phony and

his company sued for libel and malicious falsehoods a judge dismissed the suit in october saying no viewer of the program could have reasonably be compared the roadsters performance on the track to a real world performance on the street that seems fuzzy i don't know what that means yeah okay what is um 2012 that was what is the case? He said what Elon Musk said, that it was that they faked it, and they claimed the power... Tesla... Okay, let's see what it says,

so we can figure out. I think... I'm pretty sure that's the story. After Tesla dropped the car off, Elon Musk claimed that one of his employees was along for the delivery notice that a script for the episode. Inside, there was a segment about the Tesla breaking down, but that was only the tip of the iceberg top gear claimed

that the tesla roadster ran out of power while driving after just 55 miles much less than the 200 miles quoted by tesla albeit it was being driven hard a claim that musk said was untrue according to him the roadster's logs showed that the car had never dipped below 20 percent charge during the entirety of the filming the clip followed with the roadster's logs showed that the car had never dipped below 20% charge during the entirety of the filming. The clip followed with the Roadster's motor overheating, which wasn't addressed by Musk, and finally a brake failure, which Musk claims was instead a blown fuse and not an equipment failure. Battery-powered electric cars will soon die altogether, former Top Gear host James May said. Interesting.

Isn't it amazing? So there was some, it sounds like there was some horseshit for sure, but it does sound like there was a real brake problem. And the brake problem was a blown fuse, which there's nothing you can do about that. But just that, it's such a strange thing that like. Yeah. You just have to attack electric cars. Like it's just a.

Well, I think the, when them making a script, if they had a script that said that Tesla was going to break down, they thought it would be funny. It's a comedy bit. It's a comedy show. Right. Jeremy Clarkson was fucking hilarious. Right. He's really funny.

Yeah, but there is definitely people that are... Yeah, you believe a lot of the stuff that they say and the performance of the car. I always thought it was funny, but i also saw them as experts well they kind of are yeah i mean uh they know a lot of shit yeah they know a lot of shit about cars for sure jeremy clarkson knows a lot about cars the problem is people go to them for advice and lap times and all that shit and if you're saying a car is breaking down, you engineered that into a script. It's pretty dirty. That is dirty.

Well, that's how like Sean Hannity gets away with saying that he's not a news program. Does he get away with that? Yeah. So he's like WWE of news? Yeah. He says it's entertainment. Really? He says that?

Yeah. Oh, dude, that's hilarious. That's why you have a little out. We're not a news program. We don't claim to be. He says that? Yeah. Yeah. Although a lot of people are coming to you thinking it's news. have a little uh a little out we're not a news program we don't claim to be he says that yeah well a lot of people are coming into you thinking it's news but isn't he um a commentary program

isn't that what they say like it's not that he's news he says it's entertainment oh yeah do you find entertaining no you should sue i should sue you should sue oh i could do that he says he's entertaining he's a liar. Yeah, it's not that entertaining. I didn't find it entertaining. Sue! I'm going to sue them and the Game of Thrones people. I hate dragons!

Sue! Those aren't real dragons. Those dragons are dope as fuck. Did you watch last night? I didn't. I did. Was it good? Spoiler alert, it was awesome.

Oh, yeah. It was awesome just to see everything. I just want to see it. I just was happy to see a new episode. I'm going to be so sad when that show gets canceled. I'm such a dork. You've watched it all the way up? Talking about doing the prequel or the beginning of it.

That'd be cool. The horror series, but they haven't committed yet. Hey, man, whoever the fucking people are that are doing it, just keep doing things. Whoever those people that are writing and producing it and putting it together and keep hiring those actors to play different people. I don't care. I lost my way after like maybe three seasons. How many seasons has it been on? Like five. Shut the fuck up.

You lost your way. Go back and start from scratch soldier. I can't learn all the names of these places and the make-believe things. Oh yeah, yeah. Julian Assange. Whatever. And the whatevers. How much do I have to know, Joe? I know. You know how to make bread. Just keep making the delicious bread. I do. And you'reevers. How much do I have to know, Joe? I know. You know how to make bread.

Just keep making the delicious bread. I do. And you're doing your part. Keep it simple. Yeah. A martini, a little bread. A little run in the park. Just live your life. Yeah.

A little jog. How much? Why do I have to? What the fuck? Why do I have to control everything? Too much. I would like to. Enough.

I'll catch back up with it. Yeah. It's good, right? People like it. So you're going to let this whole season play by without you being caught up? I almost last night was just going to watch, just jump in. Who cares if I lost? Is there any show that you never, like, please tell me you gave up on The Walking Dead?

Yes. Thank you. Yeah. I stopped that one. Is there any show that you haven't given up on? That you've been steadfast? That I... What do you mean?

That you binge, that you still watch? That you haven't quit? No, there's none that I'm currently watching. I just watched Russian Doll. What is that? That's on Netflix. That was good. Oh, that girl's like an assassin or something?

No, she's... She dies every episode. It's like Groundhog Day. Really? It was pretty good. And I've seen all the big ones. I don't know. Ozark?

Ozark, yeah. One season of it. You didn't watch season two? No. Was I supposed to? I don't know how you just shut it off. You don't want to know what happened? I don't know.

I forget. Ta-da-da-da. It's already 3 o'clock. It's already 3 o'clock. It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon. How the fuck did that happen? I had the time flying this conversation. Did we start?

When did we start? 12.30. 12.30? Yeah, something like that. 3 o'clock. Tell the fine people where you're at, my brother. I am going to Boston. Where are you slinging jokes, Tom?

I'm going to Northampton. What are you doing in Boston? City Winery. Oh, what is that? It's this elegant winery place. And they have stand-up there now? They have stand-up there. Wow.

Mostly bands. No shit. Yeah. Okay. Doing a bunch of those kind of things. Is it actually a winery place where and they have stand-up they stand up there wow mostly bands no shit yeah okay doing a bunch of those kind of things actually a winery a real winery uh yeah they make their own wine whoa in boston that's cool yeah it's really cool my friend's honey played at a winery once i was like this is the coolest shit ever yeah it's pretty cool i'm gonna do napa i'm gonna do something up in napa another wine spot yeah that's where they were oh yeah they were up in napa there's a nice theater there that i've done yeah yeah that's a good spot that whole area is amazing right the food there's it's amazing it's no joke i know that place they've got it so dialed in the wine's amazing the nature is amazing brian callen we're up there with those hunting guys.

We were filming a turkey hunting episode. And Brian Callen and I, after we went turkey hunting, these guys went back to this Airbnb they rented. And we're like, guys, they had like hamburger and shit like this. I go, guys, these are the best restaurants in the world. In the world. And they're right here. Like, come on, let's go out.

I'll pay. They're like, no, we're going to stay home, make cheeseburgers. Okay. Callan and I went out like gentlemen. We got a fine bottle of wine. Nice. Turkey hunting and clinking fine glasses. Come on.

And eating, you know, just delicious steak. Amazing. Incredible food. We had a wonderful time. Yeah. There's certain times, certain people have, you know, they've figured it out over time they've got it dialed in just do what they do yeah but it's good to appreciate it it's good to appreciate it oh 100 it's good if you ate there every day i think it would be no it's a treat yeah it's something yeah it means something and then you remember that dinner

you know it's not like just we were just mocking those guys the entire time drinking wine getting lit talking shit having fun that's one of the best coolest things about having a friend like calen who's just always funny yeah like everywhere you go you're right like come on buddy you're my one-man comedy show and then next thing you know he's holding a thing of wine. Making some shit up. Pontificating. He's hilarious. He is. He really makes me laugh. So, website, TomPapa.com? TomPapa.com.

TomPapa on the Instagram. TomPapa on the Twitter. All of those things. My book's going to paperback next month. Louisa's. Yeah, it's very cool. It's all good. Always great to be here.

Always great to have you, bro. You're going to give me some elk on the way out? Fuck yeah. I got a freezer bag for you. I brought the oldest freezer bag. Oh, beautiful.

All right. Bye, everybody. Yeah!