The Joe Rogan Experience - #1288 - Jon Reep

Episode Date: May 1, 2019

Jon Reep is an American stand-up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast "Fried with Jon Reep."

So that is great. We scare calories, bro That's how you stay alive That's true I mean, I got plenty of calories already I have to ask you Did you drive in in a Hemi? No, I didn't I got dropped off in a Chevy Oh my God This is outrageous I had one for a little while

Just a little while? Yeah I figured like You would have to have one For quite a long time It was fun Well, okay I'm gonna backtrack a little bit

Okay So, first commercial, right? That thing got a hammy. Right. I did six of these things. Yeah. And around commercial three, I was talking to my agent, and I said, man, you know, if they ask to do another one.

Oh, shit. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, my God. Is that a hammy? That's the worst I've ever looked in my life. I really felt like I was sitting in a desert, like no one's ever going to see these commercials. No one's going to know that a hammy? That's the worst I've ever looked in my life. I really felt like I was sitting in a desert. No one's ever going to see these commercials.

No one's going to know what a hammy is. Incorrect. I could not have been more wrong. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. Look at that badass. Did they give you one or did you just go out and buy one?

Well, I said, listen, if they want me to do another commercial, see if you can get a vehicle out of them. Right. And my agent was like, make know, make it their problem. He calls them up. He goes, hey, I don't know if you know this, but your Hemi guy, your spokesman, is driving around Los Angeles right now in a Suzuki Sidekick. Oh. And they're like, what? Wait a minute.

Suzuki Sidekick. That's what I had. Isn't that the fucking T-Mobile device? Yeah. Is that the same thing? It's the lightest. It's a box kite. You can put a that the same thing? It's the lightest It's a box kite You can put a string to it

And float it in the air Was that that Shitty looking Jeep thing? Yes Oh wow You had one of those? I did Yeah

Red Wow I don't know why For some reason I liked that thing I got it in college It's probably why you like it Yeah

Nostalgia It was cool for Tailgating and shit There it is Yeah Look at that That's the LL Cool J version I didn't at that. That's the LL Cool J version. I didn't have that one.

What's the LL Cool J version? I don't know. I think I saw that in a video one time. Because that's the one I had right there. You had that? Hard top. Damn. Yeah.

I totaled that thing in North Dakota one time. Hit black ice. I mean, a gust of wind just knocked me off the road, and I was in a ditch. Ooh. But it was, you know how people in motorcycles, they'll see another motorcycle, and they'll wave? And it's like a little club that you're in, and Jeeps do it, too. And I started doing that to other Suzuki sidekicks, and for whatever reason, I'd wave to them. Nine times out of ten, it's like an overweight black lady.

And I'd just wave it at them, like, what is he doing? I was like, we're in the club, man. But yeah, people love to do that with nice cars was like, we're in the club, man. So, but yeah. People love to do that with nice cars. Yeah. But to do that with shitty cars, too. Yeah. That's what you, that's the thing.

That's next level. That's more fun. Yeah. Like, I see you. I see you. So what did they give you when they gave you a Hemi? It was a 1500 Dodge Ram quad cab. Nice.

Black, a lot of chrome. I feel comfortable in that thing. I loved it. I loved it when I first got it. You know, it was like in the middle of, you know, I did six of those commercials. So I was right around L.A. with the windows down just blasting, you know, Leonard Skinner and shit. Yeah, that's perfect for that. Just pull up to the comedy store and like park it.

I mean, they hated parking that thing in that lot because it's gigantic. Yeah, it's a wide piece. And they're like, really, man? Can't you just have somebody drop you off? Yeah, Brendan Schaub's been showing up in his, he got a's gigantic. Yeah, it's a wide beast. And they're like, really, man? Can't you just have somebody drop you off? Yeah, Brendan Schaub's been showing up in his, he got a Raptor. Oh, yeah. You realize how wide those things are until you're standing in front of them. They're huge.

It's a fucking giant vehicle. And then trying to valet that thing anywhere in Los Angeles, you know? Yeah. That's a lot of tiny little Mexican dudes are like, really, man? Well, the worst is if you try to valet a stick shift. Oh, right. I tried to give a valet my keys to my Bronco, the worst is if you try to valet a stick shift. All right. I tried to give a valet my keys to my Bronco, and he didn't know what to do. I go, you don't know how to drive a stick shift.

He goes, no. I go, what the fuck are you doing here, man? How can you have this job? Yeah. Yeah, that should be a part of the resume. You can't drive all cars. It's crazy. Yeah.

I think most people know how to Anyone under 30 Can drive a stick I don't think so It's going gone Porsche doesn't make them anymore American muscle cars are one of the last holdouts Like Corvette and Camaro I haven't driven a stick in a long time Mustangs

You want to try? Sure Actually the last time I did I was in Costa Rica And I rented a car And I'm like I just assume all Rica. Oh. And I rented a car. And I'm like, I just assume all cars now, when you rent them, are automatics. You get to know the country. It's whatever.

And so I'm pulling out of the lot, and it's like, oh, shit, it's been a minute. It's pretty embarrassing. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- I got this. Yeah. When you're in Italy, they all drive stick shifts, even like minivans. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. Everything's a stick shift over there. I'm not sure why. I don't know. What's the advantages and disadvantages?

I mean, what do you prefer? Well, where I was in Italy, it was in Ravello, which is very small little roads. It's very tiny, and it's like crazy congestion because of tourism. Yeah. And the guy was always on the clutch back and forth back and forth i was like you know this has got to be annoying as fuck you want an automatic and it's like la right if you're in if you're commuting to la bumper to bumper every day you're gonna want an automatic exactly that's what happened right i think you're right yeah yeah it's just more comfortable. Let the car do the work.

But if you're on a mountain road, like the Angels Crest Highway, and you want to shift. There's something cool about being in command of the vehicle and you telling it when it's, you know. It's manly. Yeah, it is. You've got a dick in your hand. Yeah. And if it's a woman, you've got to go, ooh, don't get too close to this one. Yeah. She's driving stick shifts like, oh, she to go, ooh, don't get too close to this one. Yeah.

She's driving stick shifts like, oh, she's a rebel. She might be a problem. She might be a problem. She might be great in bed, though. Maybe. Yeah, for a little while. And then just all sorts of problems. She gets mad at you for an email from 12 years ago.

I didn't even know you then. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. I can't go back in time. How'd you find this? Right. Where'd that phone come from? That's my flip phone where was that my suzuki sidekick we were looking at that thing from ces

that jamie pulled up what is that goofy thing called uh these are good right i don't feel like i'm drinking a non-alcoholic it tastes like a regular beer um planet computers cosmo communicator look at the thing that is that is wasted development like someone was doing coke and they decide it's that have a spaceship it does oh my god it looks like it either has a planet or a spaceship on the front of it look at that it looks like one of those metal wallets that you get to keep your credit card secure yeah but that shit's preposterous for sure. You're not using your fingers You could see the only but would you who makes that fat fucking hands are not gonna fit on that thing? Yeah, you're not gonna be able to do that. Like I mean at this point we're so used to doing this

Why go back and go back to that now? Do you ever go sideways on your iPhone? Yeah, just to take a picture. I ever go sideways on your iPhone? Yeah. Just to take a picture. But never typing. No way. I thought that was the move. I'm like, oh, once we go sideways, that's going to be the shit.

Have you tried it on an iPad? I have not. It's not bad. Sideways on an iPad? Yeah, like when you have to type on the full screen with the full keyboard. Yeah, with both hands. It's not bad.

It's not perfect, but it's fucking way better than just your thumbs on an iPhone. Yeah, that makes sense. Especially if you can type.'s not perfect, but it's fucking way better than just your thumbs on an iPhone. Yeah, that makes sense. Especially if you can type. I used to think I would never get used to just the screen without feeling it. Look at that little front screen. You got a bunch of shit that comes in on it.

Look at that. Apps and stuff, I guess. Boy, no one's buying that, son. How much is that thing? I never know. Well, here's the thing. There are so many options now If you don't like Apple

And you're committed to like an Android phone There's so many options Yeah Why would you buy that thing? I don't even know What company is that? Exactly That's also part of the problem right?

Yeah that would be gone Like where do you bring that thing to get it fixed? Yeah If the screen cracks And you bring it to the mall What is it? It's a Cosmo communicator bro We're gonna have to

Go to the future And fix this thing Yeah we can't do this In ten minutes This thing's a mess I mean I got a cracked screen now And You know

It's not even that bad But I've seen people Walk around with like A damn spider web On their phone Yeah It's ridiculous When are you gonna go

Get it fixed? What's the point? Where glass is falling off? It's an indication Of you needing To when are you going to go get it fixed? What's the point? Where the glass is falling off? This is an indication of you needing to get your shit together. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, if your phone looks like a haunted house. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one to see if this girl's going to be crazy.

Right. How cracked is her screen? That's a good point. Give me your phone. Like a girl who can deal with a little crack, that's probably beside the character. Yeah, that's okay. She's cool. Just a little crack in the window, in a corner. No big deal. That's a good point. Give me your phone. Like a girl who can deal with a little crack, that's probably the side of the character. Yeah, that's okay. She's cool. Just a little crack in the window, in a corner.

No big deal. That's fine. She doesn't give a fuck. She's easy going. Yeah. She doesn't even need to wear makeup, bro. But if she has to do like this and get the light just right, because it's like a damn, it's a full on spider web.

I have to scroll up to make a T. Because that part of the glass won't work anymore. Yeah. What about the other way They're going with the Flex phone Because Oh no here we go This is the one that broke

But this is another one That came out at CES too They recalled Samsung recalled the ones That were supposed to come out They recalled all of them huh Yeah They had an unreleased date

Now they're not gonna Who knows when they're gonna come out They're breaking like crazy apparently Flex phone But then is it flexible It bends Yeah But how does that one work

All I'm seeing is like yeah it's not showing a video of that yeah but uh the samsung one had like a little teeny uh i don't know like a line in the center it looks like a little flat aquarium that we put sea monkeys in it does right it looks like one of them ones it's like a pillar and a shitty hotel right like in mi Miami or something. You stare at my phone for hours. Yeah, someone needs to clean the tank. They have a, Huawei has a Flex phone that looks way better than the Samsung one.

It looks thinner, and it looks like they just nailed the design better. And on the side of it. Oh, this is it. I don't know why I asked. Yeah, it's a different company. I don't know. It's a different company? No, no, no.

I'm sorry. Royale FlexPi beats Samsung and Huawei to market. Probably sells out. That's what this one was. Does it fold in half? Yeah. Yeah. They're making these things where you can flex them and bend them like a thousand times.

Oh, my God. Oh, how weird. Yeah. That's weird. How am I supposed to- Look how fat that thing is. That's like carrying a VHS tape in your pocket. Right?

I mean, I'm trying to imagine the advantages and disadvantages of watching porn on that thing. Oh, there's advantages. Yeah, because it's like, well, I see your ass, and then you've got to turn your phone upside down to see the rest of them. That's pretty wild, though, how it works. That is neat. Yeah. I'm kind of hoping it works so that the version 3 or 4 in a couple years

is way better than these broken ones. Yeah. Well, for sure, you're going to see people at concerts holding up what looks like 12-inch iPads

because it's going to be these goddamn things in the future. I've seen that before now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. People bring iPads to Disneyland.

Why would you do that? Because they're assholes. Yeah. They're everywhere. I mean, you're right. Yeah. I hate it. Especially a comedy show.

It's like, the phone's bad enough. Yeah. iPad? I have a Tesla, and the Tesla has this huge screen. Right. It's enormous. Yeah, yeah. And you get so used to it.

Yeah. So I go from that to another car with a little tiny navigation screen. I'm like, what is this bullshit? Yeah. It's funny how you get used to things it's like i really have a thomas guide when i first remember those did you have one of those and you came to la god you have to pull over every five feet bill burr had one of those as recently as 2011 wow he came to my house really came to my house in his fucking prius he He still has a Prius, that asshole. He's probably got a billion dollars he's got a fucking Prius.

He pulls into my driveway and I see the Thomas guy in his back seat. He's like, yeah, those fucking, that navigation shit, what if that goes down?

You can't figure your way around town. Yeah. You're lost up in the hills, no connection. Thomas guy works every time. I knew how to do it, man. Back in the day.

Oh, E10. I know how to do that. You go E, you go to 10. That's where I need to go. Okay, what do knew how to do it man like the back of the day oh e10 i know how to do that you go e and you go to 10 that's why i need to go okay what do i need to do write it down yeah that was always dangerous fuck up and all of a sudden you're in a super mexican community chickens are running across the street sounds great yeah is sun valley sketch i've never been to sun valley i think it is Yeah There's lots of spots I've been there once

Like I think I got lost I was like This is This is not So when you got rid of your Hemi Did you say Hey this is from the Hemi guy Like this should

Be worth some money Yeah Oh well I thought it could like Auction it off Yes Yeah on eBay Like I took pictures with it

And everything Didn't work? No. It was like, I think it was when gas was at its highest price. And people were like, no, I think we're moving on

to other things. It's pretty fucking high now. It's closing in on five bucks a gallon. Again. But I had it for, well, about two years. Why'd you get rid of it? Well, I was married at the time,

and that thing was hard. When I would leave and she'd have? Well, I was married at the time And that thing was hard When I would leave And she'd have that car It was just hard To back into the garage We had a small two-car garage And it was hard to get that thing in there And so she convinced me that

We didn't need it So we leased a Lexus RX350 for a while Those are dope. I like them. I like them. When you drive a truck, too. I like the backup camera in those things. That's very nice.

Yeah. When you drive a truck, and then you get into a little car like that, you're like, oh, I'm agile. I'm like a dancer. Yeah. Right. Yeah. What was your first car?

My first car was a 1973 Chevelle. Chevelle SS. It was a shit box. I drove it from the guy's house to my house, and then it died. It never worked again. I think I drove it to my girlfriend's house, and then I drove it back to my house. Is it? And then it died.

Yeah. And then I called the guy up and I'm like, hey, man, your fucking car died. And he came and gave me the money back and took his car. He said, what happened to my car I'm like it died It just doesn't work Wow So you had it for like a day

I had it for a day And then my That's horrible Yeah then I had a 1968 442 That I wrapped around a telephone pole Oh shit Yeah whoops Hydroplaned

Yeah Yeah if you didn't know how to drive back then And you had like kind of balding tires and you hit some water, cars would just go sideways. You're like, what is this? It's like you're floating in the air. Yeah, it's a crazy feeling. And you can't do anything about it.

Nothing about it. They always tell you to turn into it. Good luck. Nothing's happening. I was just going sideways. I was like, I can't believe this shit. I just got this car. I had that one for a few months and then bang, fucked that one up.

Just hydroplaning up Just hydroplaning Were you by yourself? No I was with a couple guys From school Anybody get hurt? No we're alright Yeah But it fucked the car up

I was in a Fiera Remember Fieros? Oh yeah my sister had one of those It's like a little Keychain Little fake Ferrari thing Yeah Remember they used to do

They were so small They used to do Ferrari kits for those Yes Did they turn into a fake Testarossa? Yeah Put a car bra on there yeah those were those were interesting my friend joe had one of those too those were cool little cars yeah back in the day it was like either in my hometown it was like it is yeah that's a fake one look at that look at that ridiculous car that's great that is adorable

those cars are so gross when people do that. Yeah. And it's obvious. Well, it's like, what do you, no one wants that. Once you get, is that one? That can't, no. Is that a Fiero? That's what it says.

Wow. Great job. That's crazy. That one actually looks good. Yeah. What's that one look like? You could trick some really dumb girls with that. Like if you go to Miami.

Right. Let me see your cell phone see yourself really really dumb ones yeah like if that's the like if you're only looking for really dumb gals yeah that's your car dumb gold diggers what is that in the back those louvers what is that in the back yeah it looks like glass louvers yeah it's probably a plastic rear window oh my god they make some cars with plastic windows just to save weight okay relax relax with that yeah we uh my buddy and i he he had one of those we hydroplaned spun around a couple times totaled it hit another car that was parked at a body shop and they had just finished it no i swear to god he's like oh cool uh i guess i'm

doing two cars yeah so he just left his car there fixed totally by slamming into a car that was just finished in a body shop yeah it was uh serendipitous uber is that guy's friend yeah get on get on the uber yeah i love uber i wonder how much that's preventing drunk driving i just had this conversation yeah i think what you know mothers against drunk driving mad you know maybe even the government should like kick in like you know these guys are saving lives yeah for sure yeah because if you're not doing that then you're drinking and driving most likely most likely so it gives you a real easy option. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's so quick. It's so convenient. You don't have to pull cash out. It's great. It's kind of a weird organization, though, both of them.

It's like they're trying to figure out if they're employees or if they're contractors. Yeah. And then there's like this fact that you're just getting into someone's car and you don't know them. I mean, you assume that if you get a limo that there's a background check.

Right. If you get a cab, you're living on the edge. Right? That's what I was going to say. You never know. Taxi driver. Robert De Niro. You looking at me?

Yeah. Talking about a fucking psychopath. Right. That's what you, like, but you would get, like, New York City cab drivers, you'd get characters. But you would get New York City cab drivers, you'd get characters. You'd get either angry white dudes or guys who come from other countries that could tell you cool stories. You'd get characters with weird smells and shit. Crazy smells, lots of weird music, possibly a voodoo doll.

But now, you know what you get when you get a New York City cab driver? You get advertisements. You get screens. They have little laptops facing you. And they play these- There's a credit card machine back there. And they play these videos about things, about restaurants and this and that. Yeah.

And shows. That's probably its own network at this point. Yeah. Like, just the cab network. It is kind of, right? It must be. Yeah. I've seen that.

He probably has their own little loop that they play. Jimmy Fallon and I, I mean, I've seen him on there many times doing stuff. Remember they used to do that HBO show, Taxi Cab Confessions? Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy. I enjoyed that. I was like, who the fuck is signing this release?

What are you giving these people? Yeah. It's like, I just want to be on TV. And they would say the worst stuff. Like, if you're fucked up on Coke, and you get into a cab, and you start just talking shit about all the crazy sexual stuff that you like, and then afterwards, they're like, hey, you're going to be on HBO? You're like, fuck yeah, I am.

You sign that thing. And then you wake up in the morning. No! I do! That's true. You don't have a call. You give them this waiver at the right time. Yeah.

That's gold. That's a good move. How does that work? Does that waiver count if you're hammered? There's got to be some loophole. I always wondered about the Catch a Predator show. Yeah. Why the fuck would they sign?

They have to sign a release. Do they? Yes. Or cops. They have to sign a release. Yeah. Yeah, you have to sign a release do they yes or cops they have to sign a release yeah yeah you have to sign a release so yeah and then there's like the is it entrapment even you know there was that whole thing too well that shows definitely entrapment yeah but it's entrapment i support yeah totally i support entrapment if it's like yeah hey do you want to fuck a six-year-old and they're like yeah do okay

get in the cage you fucking piece of shit. That's right. Yeah, there's a certain entrapment that I'm all for. Someone could talk you into fucking anybody under 18. Right. Or 17. How do they get away with that? How do they get away with that?

Showing their face. Maybe because they were proven guilty, you waived your rights just by being guilty. You have no rights when you're a felon, right? When you're a felon, you have no rights. Is that right? Well, you have rights. Bernie Sanders wants you to be able to vote even if you're a terrorist.

Have you seen that? He's like, anybody in jail for anything. He's like, you should still be able to vote. I'm like, ooh. Okay. I don't know. There's a lot of people in jail. That's true.

What if they count as residents of the state? What if you have a maximum security prison somewhere right and these prisoners have everything to like they have all day right they don't have anything to do and they register to vote while they're in there if you have a few hundred thousand prisoners yeah you literally can shift an election one way or the other that's true all you'd have to do is get into that prison and go hey guys here's the deal um i'm i'm for shortening your fucking sentences okay yeah i'm forgetting you better lawyers people would start campaigning in prisons that's true that's legit man yeah like these laws are bullshit and you can bribe them real easy with the little ketchup cigarettes cigarettes bring in cigarettes yeah you just truck in cartons of cigarettes.

How'd you win this election? Marlboro Reds. What's that guy's name? Buttigieg. What's his name? Oh, yeah. How do you say his name? You got it.

Tulsi Gabbard's my girl. I'm voting for her. I decided. I like her. I met her in person. Who is it? I don't know. I give up.

I give up. I'm not even paying attention to anything else. Tulsi Gabbard. But if you could go into a prison like what is a what's a what's a giant prison population like what's the biggest biggest one i don't know what do you think the biggest one is the biggest one uh i don't know would it be in new york california there's no what isn't there a giant one in colorado that joey was talking about that's the one when they take the serial kills they stuff them on the ground.

Isn't there, what is the biggest one? Let's take a guess. 50,000? Before he looks it up. Okay. Do you say 50,000 prisoners? Yeah, I don't know much about that. That's probably a lot of people. Think about an arena.

50,000 spread out. A football arena. Right. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Okay. Well, no. Okay.

50 to 60,000. The biggest one. The biggest, yeah. What's the smallest that's true. Okay. Well, no. Okay. 50 to 60,000. The biggest one. The biggest, yeah. What's the smallest? The smallest is probably some rinky-dinky ones, but I bet. Have you been in jail? No. Yeah.

I'm going to say a little lighter. I'm going to say 30,000. I'm going to say 30,000 is the biggest. Will you put money on this? I'll put a dollar on this. I don't give a fuck, bro. I'll put two dollars. I'll bet you a Heineken double zero.

Oh, shit. Now we got too rich for my blood. What do we got? Jimmy's confused. Well, I have to be very specific about what I look up to find this answer. So do you want largest maximum security? Sure. Yeah.

Killers, not people who smoke weed. Known as Alcatraz of the South, the Louisiana State Penitentiary has an inmate population of 5,000. That's it? Wow. Damn, we're way off. That's maximum security. That's like super criminals. Yeah, so if you go a little bit less, then it might be a little bit higher.

Okay. Let's go with thieves. Let's go with medium security. Maximum is like violent crimes. What's the biggest prison? Yeah. The biggest prison. I looked at the largest prison.

That's the thing that popped up. Damn. Maybe we're way off. 5,000 is a lot of people. Sometimes it looks bigger. ADX in Florence, Supermax prison. There's one old Supermax prison.

That's the one I think you're talking about. Okay. That's even higher. That would probably have way less people. I'm trying to see if it says. Oh, that's the one I think you're talking about. Okay. That's even higher. That would probably have way less people. I'm trying to see if it says. Oh, that's even higher criminal level? Yeah. That was like where they put the ice man.

23 hours a day. Dun, dun, dun. Single cell confinement. 5,000 is a lot of people. Confinement is so weird. Because we're killing you, but we're just killing you with nature. We're going to kill you with old age and shitty nutrition. We're just going to keep you in a box.

Kill with your own brain. Isn't that weird? Yeah. It's like it might be more cruel to put someone into a small cage for 23 hours a day than it is to just kill them. I think so. Yeah. If you just kill you, it's over with. Yeah.

You're suffering. It's suffering. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah you're suffering It's suffering Yeah 100% Yeah 100% Like That was my take on

Chelsea Manning Who's now free Yeah Like they tortured her They tortured her They did Yeah she was naked In a cage

By herself For years Oh I think it was like The whole She was in solitary We'll have to find this out Once Jamie's done with this search

I'm like looking around There's the one in California Is mail only Where Manson is It's got 3,500 There's one in Illinois Medium security

It's got 1,000 Okay so We were way off We're way off Way off By a factor We were so pessimistic I thought I was going low

And I was off by a factor of 10 I don't know if this is counting Then too there's private ones And I don't know if I can get The numbers on private Those dirty bastards Stuff them in on top of too. There's private ones and I don't know if I can get the numbers on private. Those dirty bastards stuff them in on top of each other.

Although it makes sense if there were 30,000 inmates in one place, I mean, it would be hard to contain that and control that. Yeah. What's the largest

private prison? See if that's... Yeah. But the Chelsea Manning thing, she was in solitary confinement When she was still a dude Does that count?

Like as her being How do you say that? Is that two different sentences? How do you say that? Do you say Bradley or do you say Chelsea When she hadn't changed yet? I think we have to ask Do you still say Bruce Jenner won the Olympics?

Or do you say Caitlyn? Well, Bruce won the Olympics No, no, no, Caitlyn What does it say? He's Caitlyn now He's Caitlyn now You know if you dead name him You'll get kicked off of Twitter? Dead name him? say caitlin well bruce won the olympics no no caitlin what does it say he's caitlin now you can't kill him now you know if you dead name him you'll get kicked off of twitter dead name him do you know what that dead name he is no i never heard of you didn't know no so say if you become johanna reap yes if you decided at this stage of the game you know what fuck hemi's i'm transitioning

yeah yeah i'm i'm wearing it's time for. Yeah, it's time to get my legs waxed. What do we got? Reeves County Detention Complex in Pesos, Texas has a combined capacity of 3,763 prisoners in its three sub-complexes. Wow. So that's probably about as big as it gets. Yeah. You've dug that far and you still can't get anything over 5,000? Yeah. So it's in the 30s.

The 3,300, 3,500. What about the world? So if you change your name to Johanna Reap. Johanna Reap. And I started saying, hey, John Reap, what's it like wearing dresses?

Pretend you're a girl. Right. That's dead naming you. I dead named you because I called you John. Because I choose... When your new name is Johanna. Right.

Right. But Bruce is the one who won the Olympics. Yeah, but that's his dead name Well that's what he was Don't be an asshole John God you're so insensitive I can't believe this

I hate facts In this day and age I'm gonna make you subscribe To the Alyssa Milano podcast Oh no You're gonna get your shit together Oh shit You need to get up

With the times bro I'm following her So way behind I'm just kidding about Alyssa Milano I don't know what she's doing I don't either It was a good name though To throw around Oh yeah Aly Melissa Milano I don't know what she's doing I don't either It was a good name though The throw around

Yeah Melissa Milano So is she She's active on the On the Twittersphere I believe so Yeah She's very political

Yeah She's always arguing with people I think Okay She's one of them people You know they booted John Woods You know John Woods the actor They booted him off the Twitter Again

What He did something naughty I don't think he did anything that big a deal would it well first of all who's john refreshed my memory james woods i'm sorry oh james woods yeah yeah john woods people probably mad if we did probably know this uh new york city's rikers island has a population of 11 000 but i don't know if that means they're all prisoners or not what i mean like there's people like workers There's probably workers that live on the People who want cheap rent

It might be half Might not count as a Yeah Yeah do they really? Says it can accommodate up to 15,000 prisoners Visitors 15,000 prisoners Okay

That's about as big as it gets Yeah Now we're in the neighborhood There's one in Turkey that's got 10,900 Wow Okay so that's about as big as it gets Still 15,000

That's a lot though If you go to a theater. Like, if you did an arena, like 15,000 people is like Madison Square Garden. That's a lot of fucking criminals. Yeah. You got to take care of them. You got a baton. So the Chelsea Manning thing, like, now she's free, but then she got locked up again for contempt of court.

But I think when she was locked up again for contempt of court but i think when she was locked up in solitary confinement they took away her clothes they wouldn't let her have clothes because they thought she was suicidal really i think that's just an excuse so when they okay so when the keeper cold was a male yes he's gonna say bradley i'm kind of not dead, babe. Don't do it. When Chelsea won the Olympics, was Chelsea... She didn't win the Olympics. I'm trying to do that. Was he in a male prison? That's a good question.

And then, as a female, does he go to a female prison? That's a good question. I don't know. Maybe that's why they put her in solitary. Oh, right, right right protect her from dudes i mean that's kind of a loophole that uh let's say if i know i'm going to prison and i got like a year before i get sentenced i might just go and get that sex change right so i'm with females right i don't know maybe yeah or just you don't have to get the sex change anymore you just have to identify.

Oh, okay, there you go. I'm good. Did you see that male who identifies as a female just broke all these world records in weightlifting? It's a new one that just came out. Wonderful. Congratulations, everybody. You broke everything. You were so progressive and so preposterous

that we broke everything. You have men that are winning women's world records in fucking weightlifting, which is like the dumbest shit for men and women to compete against. If there's ever one thing, even though like the tennis argument, it's like, well, you know, Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs. Yeah, but Bobby Riggs was 55. She was 29, and they say that he threw the match because he bet against himself. Oh, right, he was a big gambler.

That was what I heard, but I would say that too if I lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say I threw the match. Yeah. Well, yeah, basketball, tennis. Is this the woman that won? Yes. Is this Chelsea?

This is the woman who's winning world records. This is not Bruce Jenner. Okay. Let's get a look. This is not Bruce Jenner. Okay. Let's get a look. Oh, my God. Here we go. Seems like a gal. Huh.

That seems like a very strong man. Yeah. So ridiculous. How much weight is that? It doesn't look like a lot of weight. It's a couple hundred pounds. This is about reps here. Yeah.

300? 300? 315? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Okay. That's a, 315. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Okay. That's a ridiculous amount of weight for a woman to lift. And if you're going to be a real woman, a biological woman, excuse me, and lift that

kind of weight, you have to be a real outlier. Yeah. It's very rare. Yeah. But this is so ridiculous. Wow. Oh my. What is this guy's quote?

What does this guy, one guy in the comments say congratulations on your excellent performance screw anybody who tries to knock achievements the hard work speeds for itself hey

whoever you are fuck you yeah fuck you and your nonsense you're the reason why this shit is happening in the first place

because people tolerate this that is nuts if you if you had a daughter that trained her whole life to be a weightlifter and she's really into it and this fucking guy

decides he identifies as a woman and then competes as a woman in weightlifting just fucking stop everybody just stop you're in crazy town

this is officially crazy town yeah out of our fucking minds I don't know how it's legal how is it legal it has nothing to do with being open minded or tolerant it has something to do with logic just basic reason this is craziness

this is you're enabling people to do something that's preposterous this has nothing to do with being open-minded or kind to people i'm a hundred percent for people being trans sure i'm a hundred percent for people doing whatever they want to do just don't hurt anybody and i'm cool with that same here but this is just you're in make-believe town why not pretend you're a fox and go live in the forest like you're you're in make-believe this is make-believe you can't you can't just decide you're a woman and compete with women right this is that's make-believe you can't oh there's no advantage make-believe that's make-believe of Of course there's an advantage. You fucking know there's an advantage. Yes. Everyone knows. This is crazy.

I want to see that in the NFL. You know, you got like... What is that, before and after? Is it two different looks? We don't need to see this person. Wait a second. I don't want to shame this person. Look, someone's letting her do this.

Right. You know, that's the problem. That's the problem. There should be a transgender league. Right. Or there should be, you know, some rules where you have to compete with the chromosome of your birth. You don't have to fucking compete.

Most people don't compete in organized sports. Most people don't. And if you're trans, maybe that should be something you can't do. And particularly for girls who transition to boys, you know, that school in Texas that won't let this girl is transitioning to a boy they won't let her compete with boys so they make her compete with girls and she's on fucking testosterone right so she's taking testosterone to be or he's taking testosterone whatever you want to say i get so confused yeah to become a boy zur is taking testosterone to become a boy yes and then now is forced to wrestle with women yes with young girls

yeah in fact all jacked right jack like a boy it's like a boy wrestling girls it's crazy probably papa boner doing that i don't think she has one yet oh you can get a little thumb you grow a thumb yeah that's what happens oh yeah the clitoris gets a little bit bigger yeah and did the ovaries sort of like start getting suspended? I don't know what happens there. Do they drop? What do they do? I wonder.

I wonder if they remove those parts, you know, because they do hysterectomies on women when they have diseases. I wonder if they do that when a man transitions from a woman. Yeah. When a man transitions from a woman. Yeah, when you used to be a woman and now you're a man. And now you're going to a dude. Yeah.

What do they do? from a woman. Yeah, when you used to be a woman and now you're a man. And now you're going to a dude. Yeah. What do they do? I just can't wait to the day

where they can do it genetically. Where a woman really becomes a woman. Like a man becomes a woman or a woman becomes a man. But guess what? Even if they do, here's the issue.

If you knew that a woman took steroids for 30 years and developed insane tendon strength and muscle strength and then stopped doing steroids.

It is a scientific fact that you are going to keep a very big percentage of those gains. What are the gains? What is the percentage at 30% or 40%? Whatever the fuck it is, whatever percentage that you would keep after you get off the steroids, that is significant. And even if you're not currently on these performance enhancing drugs

your body has been artificially boosted to this superior level yeah through these drugs yeah and you lose a lot of the feminine you know you lose the breast yes and that those might not come back uh well i mean i think if you take estrogen they'll probably come all right i don't know i'm not a fucking doctor i'm a moron but what i do know is when this is, we're in nonsense land. Yeah. It's not saying that someone can't become a woman and be a woman and I'll call them a woman. I'll treat them like a woman.

I'm cool with it. I'm 100% cool with it. Right. I'm as open-minded as I come with this. But this is unfair for women. It is. Which is what's so ironic about this. Yeah.

Because everyone's supposed to be looking out for women. If you're looking out for women, but you're also blindly progressive to the point where you're letting shit like this fly. Well, now you're not looking out for women. Right. Because now women are in this weird position where you're putting them at an unfair disadvantage. Right. It's fucking crazy, man. I agree.

God damn it. It makes me want to drink real Heineken. I'm getting all loopy on this double zero no they just sent this stuff to me it's good yeah um i used to love heineken light i talk about that subject a little bit too much but it's just it's a symptom of a sick society it's a symptom of a lack of rational thinking it's a symptom of people lack of rational thinking. It's a symptom of people just bending over backwards so hard to be progressive and open-minded that you're giving in to these extremists, these crazy people that are looking at this thing completely delusionally.

When will it snap back? It's coming. Trump. That's why Trump's the president. That's what that is. He's going to win again. He's going to win again. Who can beat him? They're not going to beat him. There's no one who can right what that is He's gonna win again Yeah He's gonna win again Who can beat him?

They're not gonna beat him There's no one who can right now He's gonna win again He's gonna win again Because of shit like this The more shit like this happens So then what's after Trump? I mean

There's another four years His son Donald Jr. Donald Jr. Donald Jr. was with A friend of a friend of mine His name's Crispy And he's a disabled veteran Or actually he's very's Crispy, and he's a disabled veteran.

He's very able, I should say, but he's a wounded veteran. He was missing. He had his leg amputated, burns over most of his body. Super positive attitude. Great guy. Anyways, he doesn't get political online. He took a picture with Donald Trump Jr. Right.

And Instagram took it down for violating their terms of service. It's just a photo. A picture of just the president's son? Yeah. Photo with him and Trump Jr. just standing there. And they took the picture down.

That's. What? That's not. What are you doing? Yeah. Maybe that's a glitch. Do they ever, when they do that,

do they give you a reason? Or do they just do what they want? Well, he posted it on his, he sent me a direct message about it too yeah i asked i i actually reached out to him because uh i follow him and he follows me and i was like is this shit real and he's like yup and he's super positive about it i mean this guy served our country too and he's a great guy like his his his his his uh instagram handle is crispy11b.

Okay. Yeah, and he just put it up there, and they said that they got him for terms of service, and they took it down, and he put it back up again. Good. Good for him. So this is the photo right here. Let me see. When asked, Instagram says that they didn't do it.

So they didn't do it, but who took it down then? However, an Instagram spokesperson told Fox News the post was reviewed, but was not deleted by the company after it found the post did not violate their standards. But that's not true because it's missing. Spokesperson said that there are a number of reasons a post may no longer be available, including the account holder deletes either the account or the post. He's saying he didn't do that, so it could have been something else. I mean, you can't prove it.

Yeah, I don't know. I know that this dude Is not an attention whore And he wouldn't do that He wouldn't do that And lie about it That's ridiculous I mean Twitter

Instagram could be lying And there's not really It could be a glitch too Yeah You know Sometimes it's a fortuitous glitch That looks like a A massive conspiracy

Yeah But he said they sent him notice That said it violated Terms of service So if he said that He Okay Yeah. It said it violated terms of service. So if he said that. Okay. Yeah.

That's what was sent back to him. Pretty sure. That's the screenshot you want. Let me make sure that's what he said. That says you violated something. Yeah. That's what you want. I mean, it's just so weird what's going on now. Everything just seems so fucking preposterous.

Yeah. Just like on Facebook, Twitter, all that stuff, if it's something negative, I just, you know, that's gone. I don't let people just start bashing me on that stuff. Okay, here it is. Once I landed, I opened up Instagram and got a message that your post was taken down for violating Instagram guidelines. So, did he post that?

Yes, he did. Oh, there you go. Wait a minute. Let me see if he did. Yeah. He posted a thing saying it. Okay, here's what he posted. Yeah.

It said, wounded veteran violated community standards by posting with Donald Trump Jr. He didn't post the actual notification, but he probably didn't even save it. Right. Why would you? Yeah. I believe him. I believe him. believe him You're right It is a sad

I think you also have Overzealous employees I think there's that too Oh yeah I think there's probably A huge company Yeah I mean you

Anybody can go Rogue at any minute And just do what What do they want You think they're reading Dick pics I would say someone Could have just been

Fucking with them On the other way The other way around Someone could have Just flagged it by a bunch of bots that just made it disappear to get a reaction like this. It could be as simple as that. Can you do that?

Sure. So if you just had a bot that did that? I could do it right now. But wouldn't Instagram review it manually before they delete it? No. So it could just be taken down. It happens on other accounts where it doesn't get reviewed that way and it just got taken down because it got flagged so many times.

I don't know. Well, that's one thing that we did learn from talking to Jack Dorsey, the CEO of Twitter. It's impossible to manage. There's too many posts. They're going up right now by the thousands. If you could see everyone in America posting on Twitter right now, it would be like, It would just be fucking fun. I mean, imagine if you could see it all happening all at once.

A supernova explosion of ones and zeros just busting all over the place. And text, just text. Who do you think, like, if you were to grab somebody's phone, the most popular person that gets tweeted the most, and just looked at it. Just looked at it. Yeah. How fast would that go? You know what I mean?

Like, just that one account. Oh, it'd be insane. I mean, yours probably goes quick, too. I don't have my notifications on. Do you follow a lot of other people, or do you just put stuff out? Yeah, I follow a lot of other people. Yeah. Yeah.

I follow a lot of other people. I just follow whenever I think someone's interesting. Someone's got cool pictures, I'll follow that guy. Yeah, yeah. I follow thousands. I'll hit like I'll hit like first Yeah That's good too

Let me see I'm gonna go back Okay yeah I'll give the check Yeah yeah So what else this person's done Make sure they're not wacky Yeah

What's really funny Is people get mad at you For certain people you follow Yeah Like people are like You gotta stop following R. Kelly No Don't tell me what to do

Right That's first of all First of all Don't tell me what to do Don't ever do that Second of all What am I doing Am I boosting up his profile yeah he's fucking r kelly i want to know doesn't matter if i follow him if i don't i want to know how crazy he is that's right dude did you

see tyron tyron whitley you know ufc uh top welterweight former champion had a thing on his instagram page of him watching R. Kelly getting interviewed. Where he was denying that he knows how to hogtie people. Tyron's laughing at him. Play this. Play this so we can hear it. Oh, in this interview? Yeah, this is great.

This shit ain't funny, but dog. A hog tie her. I'm not a hog tied her. I don't know how to hog that, people. I don't know how to hog that. I sent me a woman. I don't know how to hog that, people. I hog tied her. Hog.

I don't know how to hog that, people. I don't know how to hog that. I don't know how to hog that. Oh, Jesus. That's great. He's not using Consonants in there He's like

I follow R. Kelly For the same reason That's hilarious Yeah That I love Real Talk Have you ever watched That video Real Talk We played it on the podcast

Multiple times Real Talk is one of the Greatest unintentional comedies That's ever been created Real Talk Real Talk I haven't seen it Oh my god

What is it? It's an R. Kelly song where he's in an argument with his girlfriend on the phone. While he's in an argument with his girlfriend on the phone, he's getting his hair done and shit. He's smoking stogies, he's drinking. He's got different outfits on, and he's still in the conversation. And there's one part where he goes, bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes. Real talk.

Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes. Real talk. Are you serious about that? Listen, I absolutely feel for any person that he's victimized. Oh, 100%. I absolutely do. But you cannot deny that that shit is funny. That's hilarious. That shit is funny.

I'm sorry. There is. There is. There is. Hold on. I just played that. I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes with your trifling ass. With your trifling ass. With your trifling ass.

Trifling is the best African American saying of all time Trifling Trifling And it's one that white people cannot use It's too I pronounce it too good They own that word They own that word as much as they own the N word Stop trifling

You can't be trifling You can't pronounce the G in trifling Yeah you can't Trifling Yeah that's why white people are not allowed to use it They would ruin it Exactly He's out there trifling

He's out there trifling again He's out there trifling again. He's bullshit. He's just a bullshit trifling ass. He's trifling. Well, here's the thing. I bet gay guys use trifling. I bet gay guys will pull it out. Oh, him over there with his trifling ass.

You know? Sounds like a rifle that you travel with. It's a trifling. Yeah, like a trifling. A travel rifle. They're thinking of banning those. They're good for long range. Don't bring that trifle with you.

How many people do you think had to look it up before Webster had to answer this question? What is a trifling heifer? The definition of trifle. Lacking in significance or solid worth. Such as, A, frivolous. Trifling. B, trivial. A trifling gift. C, chiefly dialectical.

Oh, my God. Lazy, shiftless, and a trifling fellow. A trifling fellow. There is a trifling fellow, is he? That's the most English thing you've ever said. It got very wide at the end. Trifling fellow. He's a trifling fellow. Don't bring your ass over here with a trifling fellow.

Yeah, that's a word, bro. That's a legit word. Trifling. Shit, I was going to say something else. I totally forgot. What did we talk about right before trifling? You were talking about R. Kelly. I like that album. He did an album where it was a lot of just talking. Oh, Trapped

in the Closet? Yeah. There was a whole series of videos. I think Aziz was a whole series of videos. I think Aziz had a whole thing on that. I think he did. Aziz Ansari did a bit on it. I believe so. I know he had a bit about R. Kelly. It might have been about Trapped in the Closet.

Yeah. Trapped in the Closet is great, but it can't fuck with Real Talk. Real Talk's the jam. Have you seen Weird Al Yankovic's Trapped in a Drive-Thru? No. It's really good. No. It's the same length as R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet, and it's all about being trapped at a McDonald's drive-thru, because the person in front of him is taking too long.

And it's like... The fact that he did the whole song is what got me. Yeah. Yes. Respect. Commitment. It's animated, too. It's a whole whole song is what got me. Yeah. Yes. Respect. Commitment. It's animated, too. It's a whole cartoon.

It's animated. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Which one is this? This is... Weird Al has been around for a long time, man. Yeah. I mean, I remember when Michael Jackson's Beat It came out, and he had Eat It.

Eat It? Yeah. I mean, that was... It said, I'm bad. It was It. Eat It. Yeah. I mean, that was in the 90s. Instead of I'm bad, it was I'm fat. Yeah. What year was that? That might have been the 80s. It's got to be late 80s, early 90s.

Yeah, it is. How old is real, how old is here? Weird Al's got to be 85 years old. I think so. No, he's 59. What? Yeah. 59.

What was he, 12? Yeah. Back then? His first song aired in 1976. What? Yeah 59 Was he 12? Yeah Back then? His first song Aired in 1976 What? He was that big on Dr. Demento

76 Yeah That's insane So he was really young Dr. Demento Dr. Demento God I remember that I remember listening to him

When I was a kid But that's They played all these weird Goofball Nerdy songs Yeah And he was the king of it He has a huge following now

He'll sell out places Weird Al? Yeah That makes sense Yeah He's got so much work He's got so I mean it's a giant body of work

Yeah I like his hair too He's got that Apparently he's a super nice guy too Yeah And smart I've heard Yeah Yeah

But everyone's smart What else can we say about him? He's nice Yeah He's a good dancer too And he accepts his everyone's smart what else can we say about him he's nice yeah he's a good dancer too and accepts his gender you know also like he's not trifling that's what he's definitely not trifling yeah that's a word it's like there's certain words like that one you just seem so ridiculous if you try to use it oh this is what i was going to say yeah we were talking about uh uh

Oh, this is what I was going to say. Yeah. We were talking about, we weren't even talking about this, but my daughter is watching these YouTube videos of this, there's this young gay fellow that does makeup tutorials. James Charles. Oh, okay. He's enormous. Like, he's enormous. You know, he probably gets more views Than any network show

That's ever been created How old was this fellow? He's young, he's like 20 What do you say, Jamie? Why do you laugh if I should bring this up? The last thing that popped in my head during Coachella He got accused of being in this viral video It wasn't him, but the Ferris wheel at Coachella

Have you ever seen that? Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a big famous thing that people take pictures in front of. During a concert, you could see a silhouette of somebody getting head in there, and it's two guys. Oh, really? It's a very vivid video that went super viral on Twitter that night. And they were saying it was him?

Yeah. How dare they? He's all about makeup, not head. Sons of bitches. Keep it clean. You have to reapply your lipstick if you do that. Keep it clean. But it's hilarious.

My sister, I mean my sister, my daughter sits in front of the TV cackling watching it. Just cackling. Is it supposed to be funny? She thinks it's funny. She thinks he's hilarious. Is this dude going for laughter? I don't know. I mean, he's covered in crazy makeup.

for laughter well i don't know yeah i mean he's covered in crazy makeup i think what she was laughing at though in all fairness was he was making fun of someone subscriber six million 16 million oh my god i think he was making fun of uh people that put on too much makeup okay so he was going crazy with yeah she thought it was really funny that is fucking banana 16 million people and he's doing makeup tutorials. He looks great. He looks great. That's the thing. It's like we, there's an audience.

It looks like a Kardashian right there. All kinds of shit like this that you would have never expected. Yeah. And because of the access, because on-demand access, especially like through a computer, it's so easy. It's so easy. Just type in the next thing. John Reed. Just boom. What's next? Just pops up. Yeah. access especially like through a computer it's so easy it's so easy just type in the next thing

john reed just boom what's next just pops up yeah so like these people that no network in their right mind like nbc would never say hey that young guy let's get that guy to do a makeup show get the fuck out of the office you don't know shit about ratings meanwhile eight billion subscribers that's crazy that'd be a fun game to play It's like What rabbit hole Would YouTube send you down If you typed in this

And just let it keep going That's a problem On it's own Those algorithms They The real problem is People think that A lot of those algorithms

Are essentially designed To get you angry Oh yeah Get you pissed off So you watch the next thing. Yeah. What are they teaching our children? What are they teaching our children?

Next! Yeah, this is the problem with illegal immigration. I knew there was a fucking problem! And then, you know, and then next thing you know, you're just more and more angry. Yeah.

That's like the argument with Facebook, too, is that they're trying to figure out what gets people to engage. And so the algorithm realizes realize what you engage with, and then that's what they show you more of. And what gets people to engage is shit that makes them mad. Yeah, totally.

It keeps me wanting to... I watch fight videos on Facebook all day. Do you really? Well, just like brawls in a schoolyard. It just keeps going. I'm like, oh man, man what's gonna happen here oh those kids it's it do they yeah yeah well you know i'm not uh i don't do much of the fighting so when i see it it's like oh this is interesting who's gonna win this one and i can win the you know when the the underdog yeah i enjoy watching it yeah i mean i will watch watch them. I watch the dudes. Nothing's stuck. It's obviously someone's about to die like that.

A good couple punches to the face. Well, the best ones are when someone deserves it. Yes. So those are the ones you enjoy. When someone's being a real dick and someone's like, listen, man, you're being a dick. Yeah. I just saw one. There's a guy on a, it was a, I want to say like an old Middle Eastern couple that are

on a subway. And this dude's like to say like an old Middle Eastern couple that are on a subway. And this dude's like smacking his wife in the face like that. And this other guy, he's across from him and he's recording it. And he's like, no, not in front of me. And he walked over there and he told him like eight times to stop. And then just punching the shit out of him. So it was nice to see it, you know. That is nice to see.

punching the shit out of him. So it's nice to see it, you know. There's one of a guy, it's like a bus, and some guy's running his mouth to this old white guy who's obviously like an ex-Vietnam vet, and he's telling him like, just leave it alone, man. Leave it alone.

And he comes down there, and then he walks up to the front, and he just beats the shit out of him. And you just see blood coming out of his face. And it's like, you know, he started this. He engaged that whole thing. That guy was walking away. And then he went back up there.

Those are the best ones. Yeah. Those are the best ones. Yeah. When someone deserves it. Yeah. That's the thing about a guy smacking his wife in public. Yeah.

How often does he smack her that he's so confident that he'll just smack her in front of everybody? Right. Like, it must be, he must think it's acceptable and everyone else is cool with it.

Or he must think that he could just get away with things. Yeah. Sometimes people just think they can get away with things. Yeah, it was, there was not many people on that bus in this video.

So I think he felt like that guy wasn't even paying attention to him or that most people just gonna be too scared to say anything uh-huh yeah that's what i mean that this is where it gets real scary because that is the best argument for the end of all privacy is that no one would ever be able to do anything like that because the whole world would be watching yeah exactly honest like you you might it depends on what kind of action you could take yeah if you could literally see everything that's happening at any time everywhere in the world yeah well now that everyone's got cam so it's like it's close it's close you're right and then they're gonna have those fucking things

cops on us you're keeping uh yeah the people on us now a little bit until too much alcohol is involved no there's something to it because if you think about like like kennedy did a speech on secrecy it was like in 1961 or 62 about how abhorrent secrecy is how dangerous it is for a free society. And they were basically talking about secret societies and secret PACs in the government. He was basically, I think a lot of it was him talking about some of the shady shit that he experienced in intelligence agencies.

But when you have kings or when you have people that are in power, how do they wield that power? One of the ways they wield that power, it's all secrecy. If they want to execute people, they want to kill people or torture people, it's all secret.

Right. The world is not privy to it. Like, what happened to them? They took them to a bunker or something. Yeah. And they're beating the shit out of them, torturing them. It's all secret.

Like North Korea. Yeah, exactly. They're just isolated from the rest of the world, and who knows what the hell he's doing over there. So if we... We just know the stuff that he allows us to know. Yeah. Well, that's the perfect example of power and secrecy, right? They just take you and make you disappear.

He's executed a bunch of people. Oh, yeah. We don't even know. I'm sure. We're close to the tip of the iceberg on that. I'm sure that still goes on here, too. Oh, yeah. I'm sure.

I'm sure people are killing people for someone right now you know some of them deserve it yeah give them an extra one for me right stop your trifling ass it's it's also weird like what will accept people dying from like uh i was listening to this podcast where uh this lady, she's a wolf biologist. She was talking to my friend Steve Rinella on the Meat Eater podcast. And she was talking about how we accept people getting killed by mountain lions. It happens. It happened twice last year. It happens.

It's not really common, but it happens. But the moment that people start getting killed by wolves in America, people are going to get furious. Really? Yeah, because they reintroduced wolves in 1994. That's right. So that's their outrage that we did that too. Yeah. Well, she was basically, there was two really interesting things about the podcast.

A lot of really interesting things, but two that really stood out was one that these people they reintroduced these animals in 1994 but there were already some wolves here and the wolves

would have probably eventually made it down there it was in Yellowstone right yeah but that we aren't

because the fact that they brought them in and it wasn't just a natural fixture we have this thing like oh somebody ruined this somebody fucked this up the other thing is that they brought them in and it wasn't just a natural fixture oh we have this thing like oh somebody ruined this somebody fucked this up yeah the other thing is that they number them

instead of name them because if you name them it's like oh there's dolores oh dolores killed some sheep we're gonna have to take her out no we can't kill not dolores but number three wolf one five seven right yeah yeah that's true It's like inmates in prison You just give them numbers Exactly So it's easier to kill them Easier to treat them like cattle Right

So but we did The one guy killed that mountain lion He fought back Yeah That story turned out to be horseshit Oh is that right Yeah that The mountain lion

Was a It was a kitten Yeah It was a real kitten And it had been separated from its mom I think his mom got killed And it was really separated From it's mom I think it's mom got killed And it was really Really small

And really young So it wasn't like I mean he might have Attacked it Who knows It was emaciated Yeah Well he still got

Fucked up a little bit Yeah He's a bitch I'm just kidding If he's listening right now I'm sorry bro Yeah But I think

We're happy you're alive We're happy you're alive You better not touch wolves, buddy. I think maybe it was starving to death and it took a chance to try to kill him. Yeah. That's possible, too. But it was very small. It was like 30 pounds.

Which, still, a 30-pound cat is fucking terrifying. I never saw pictures of the cat, the one that he killed. No, I never saw it either. Because I think something had ate a lot of it by the time... Oh, okay. Yeah. So did he say how he did it? Did he put it in like a choke hold or did he

he choked it right stepped on it something like that oh man yeah I was gonna ask if you saw this thing

going around the internet about this wolf pack being tracked there's actually six of them it's like a moving gif over time but

oh yeah I have seen this it's amazing it shows how they never cross territories oh cool six different packs

I would think Yeah They all Establish their territory They mark their territory And they Respect it They all respect it

Yeah It's like over Minnesota Yeah Minnesota has a shit load Of wolves apparently What if it keeps going And it's a picture Of Jimi Hendrix

Wisconsin has a shit Right if you pull back Further Yeah Wisconsin has a shitload of wolves apparently Like thousands Wisconsin yeah I could see that

And it's a lot of you know woods up there And just land Not many major cities I think I saw a wolf once You mean like in the wild Yeah it was big It was either a coyote or it was a wolf. But I think it might have been a wolf.

Because it was just getting dusk and I was in Alberta. And I saw this thing run across the road. I was like, that might have been a wolf. Yeah. But if you've seen a wolf, the spooky thing is, what are they doing? Are they circling you? Are they checking you out? And they're not usually alone, right?

No. Those are the lone wolf, but that's rare. That's an asshole. That's a guy that got kicked out. You ever seen this video? This one's great. Look at the size of this thing. It comes out of the woods and walks across the street.

Look at the size of this motherfucker. Jesus. That's a bear. That's such a big wolf. That's a bear. No, that's a wolf. I wonder what the fuck is that? It's a big ass wolf. That's what that is. Damn. That's probably a 130 pound wolf a wolf I wonder what the fuck is that It's a big ass wolf

That's what that is That's probably Damn 130 pound wolf or something Where is this? If I had to guess Is this like Canada? Russia

Yeah It's gotta be Russia That's a gigantic wolf Russia's had Real Legitimate problems with wolves Where in Siberia They have these super packs

Uh huh They would get together like Because they were starving So they'd get like a hundred wolves would form a super pack because they could kind of do whatever the fuck they wanted once they got that big yeah and they started killing horses yeah going to horse stables to just a bunch of wolves take down a horse easy yeah but it's just the idea that the super packs they they they realized it was too hard to just take over shit with all these pesky people and their guns and houses. Yeah.

And so they got desperado. We're going to take your fucking horses now. Siberia has always been an interesting place. Have you been to Russia? No. I've been. Have you? Yeah.

What'd you do up there? 1990. Yeah? Right before communism fell. I was there for three weeks. Whoa, before communism fell. Yeah. What three weeks whoa before communism yeah yeah we do was uh in power whoa yeah uh it was a spy yeah wow that's pretty good what'd you say i said hello uh i don't understand please and thank you

that's the words i remember uh it was this program founded by dwight d eisenhower in the 40s of a it's called people to people where they send the youth of america to other countries to hang out with that youth to promote world peace and that's all it is and certain kids from high schools are selected and they go you go to washington dc first for three you know for three days they they debrief you and then you go to another country and ours was russia it was awesome i had a great time wow yeah and uh i told burke kreischer that too you know because he has the whole machine story i said i feel like i can't tell my russian story because you've you've owned it so much with your machine story that if i do anything about this then it's gonna look like oh, oh, okay, you too, huh? Yeah, you got a Russian story.

Dude, you should tell it. Yeah. Yeah, people want to hear it. They'll understand. They don't think you're a thief. I kind of got in trouble because I was trading illegally on the black market over there. Well, you didn't.

Not on purpose. I didn't know I was doing it. Likely story. If I was a cop, I'd be like, tell me more. That's kind of what happened. This dude I was talking to it was after like a a function that we were at you know where they you would go to the some some town some village and they'd come and they'd greet you with bread and salt and they would dance around and you

would just eat with them and hang out or whatever and um so i was just talking this kid you know they speak perfect english you know we're the ones who don't speak russian so this kid's trying to teach me russian cuss words and i thought he's pretty cool it's before the, you know, they speak perfect English, you know, we're the ones who don't speak Russian, so this kid's trying to teach me Russian cuss words and I thought he's pretty cool. It's before the internet, you know, so I had a bunch of these ink pens

that my mom gave me from a phone company where she worked. She goes, just give them ink pens, they'll have anything with English writing on it, anything American,

they're going to love it. Bubble gum, jeans, ink pens, so I was like, yeah, dude, let's be pen pals,

so exchanging addresses, you know, like, oh, keep in touch with him, why not? And I give him a pen and he gives me his address and what I don't know yeah, dude, let's be pen pals. So we're exchanging addresses, you know, like, oh, keep in touch with him. Why not? And I give him a pen, and he gives me his address. And what I don't know is this dude's already kind of in trouble with cops over there for trading illegally on the black market.

I had no idea. And this cop just grabbed both of us, dragged us into the hotel. And no one saw me from my group get grabbed, by the way, because I was off doing my own little thing with this dude, right? Learning Russian cuss words so we go into his office in this hotel and they're just cussing each other in russian and i don't know what the hell's going on i'm like dude what what is this am i in big trouble here i mean you know he goes this is bullshit it's not to worry about that this is bullshit and they scream some more now the cop doesn't speak english and so he's basically my translator this guy's to the cop i'm like hey man i'm with this group you know i don't know what's going on and so he kicks that

kid out the russian cop and now it's just me and this russian cop and i'm looking at him and he's looking at me and he looks at my bag with all these ink pens and he's like he goes like this he's like let me see you know i'll call you want a pen so i hand him a pen and he looks at it he's like oh cool he puts it in his desk and he goes away and he comes back with this big ass russian pendant sickle and hammer thing with wings coming out it's a pretty cool looking thing and he just handed it to me and he goes like this so he technically arrested me for trading, and then he traded with me. Yeah. 1990s when that happened. It was pretty crazy. It was fun to see all that shit, though, right before it fell.

Did you see, like, lines in the street for food or anything crazy like that? Yeah. Not – well, yeah. I saw linens. We went to Red Square, Linens Tomb. We went to some smaller little dinky villages. Went swimming in the Dnieper River right close to where Chernobyl was, like 50 miles from Chernobyl. Whoa.

So, but yeah, there was, you definitely tell there was definitely some poverty going on here and there. But not to the extreme that you hear. You know, I didn't see like these lines around buildings for toilet paper or anything like that. but you know that's when it was communism was on its way out too so it wasn't in the worst part of it but it was uh definitely an experience i was 18 when i went over there there's a picture of me in red square and i'm i got acid wash jeans i got a bugle boy t-shirt on and i'm wearing a fanny pack with deck shoes and i'm just doing like this so that was fun man yeah that's got to be a hell of a flight too right how long does it take to get to russia we went to germany first on a layover there for like three hours frankfurt and then god i was so young i couldn't even tell you how long that thing was it's been a long time 47 now that is an interesting country to me.

It's always been an interesting country. Because it gets so fucking cold. And they're hard people. And they create all these amazing fighters. There's so many great fighters and wrestlers that have come out of Russia, former Soviet Union. Fucking Dragov? Rocky V or IV? I think it was IV.

Yeah. I mean, he was scary. The new one. Rocky was or IV? I think it was IV. Yeah. I mean, he was scary. Rocky was afraid of him. The new Creed. Rocky's, yeah, you know that? I've heard. I haven't seen it yet. Yeah.

Drago's son is fighting Apollo Creed's son. Do we know the actor? Is it out yet? The Creed guy? No, the son of Drago. I don't know. Some Russian cat. Okay. Probably not even Russian. Someone that's already famous over here. I don't know. Some Russian cat. Okay.

Probably not someone that's already famous over here. I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah, there's the guy. Look at him. There's Drago. Yeah. This is the son.

This is my son. He still looks like a badass. He does. He's still a badass, I'm sure. His jaw is perfectly square. That's like a damn square. How much bigger is he? I don't know. He's like a damn square. Look how much bigger he is. I know.

Jesus Christ. How tall is Sylvester? I don't know. Have you met him? Yes. Yes. I think he's about 5'9". He's taller than me.

I'm 5'8". Okay. So he's either 5'9 or 5'10". Okay. So that, well, then Drago must be huge Like how tall does it say he is Because everybody always jokes around Says he's 5'11

Or that he's 5'7 5 Or 5'5 But they do that with everybody Yeah They do that Tom Cruise Yeah it says 5'10

See that makes sense So he's 2 inches taller than me 5'10 Yeah Okay Well yeah I think I'm 5'9 i don't know i haven't measured myself in a while how old how tall do you think i am i think you're about that about 5 9 yeah

in high school i always put like people are bigger now 11 people are bigger now we're old people that are small and as people get bigger and bigger these kids today that are getting hit in puberty when they're six yeah there's the hormones in the meat what's up six five who's six five they probably accentuated his height for that that scene well that's just his hair is five inches look at that damn hair looks like he's almost like a foot taller than him yeah doesn't it yeah it's up to about right yeah they probably had those that's about they probably had him in heels and had him On barefoot or something For that shot Didn't they say like At one point

During this movie Rocky said Go ahead and Go ahead and hit me For real one time Just wanna You know Just wanna make it look real

Cause they were always Like you know They're like an ancient partner In the swings And it almost Hit him to the hospital Like he hit him in the chest Oh that's right

Yeah he talked about that It almost stopped his heart Or some shit That's a dumb idea Dolph Lundgren is a beast Right He's a serious athlete He was a professional

Yeah He's a kickboxer Kickboxer Yeah really good Sylvester Stallone Lundgren put me in the hospital During Rocky IV Yeah I believe it

Don't let people hit you bro You know he He also has I like the realism though I guess I wonder if they even use the clip Right He

Also has Like Screw screws in his neck from doing the expendables. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What do you got, Jamie? He's put in intensive care for five days because of that. Jesus. He's fly-basted with nuns walking around. Jesus Christ.

Damn. The insurance company Would not pay out Until after they saw The footage of the incident Once they did They wrote the check I want to see that footage I want to see that punch

He hit my heart so hard That it banged Against my ribs And started to swell And that usually happens In car accidents Oh my god Jesus

Jesus That guy could punch He's a beast man He's a giant dude Why would he could punch He's a beast man He's a giant dude Why would he ever tell He's a serious striker Like he knows how to throw shots If you watch him in his movies

He's uh He's obviously trained Yeah I wanna see that footage I wanna see that punch Ouch That's gotta be out there What if Sylvester Stallone

Wouldn't let anybody see it He's too embarrassing The way he cried. He makes a weird face. He's like that lady who steps on grapes, who falls down and goes, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. She loses her breath. You can never be an action hero again if somebody sees you cry. Yeah, that's true.

Right? If somebody sees you legitimately cry from a liver shot, like, whoa, you just shit yourself. He's looking at the camera. Why? Shitting yourself is probably the most embarrassing thing a person can do right yeah especially if you're yourself like a guy who's known for being handsome and debonair and a badass just can't make it to the toilet in time there's no control over him shit yourself in your car while you're driving you know white leather seats that's the worst it's it's gonna happen to so it happens to everybody it's gonna be a time in your life if you eat

risky yeah right yeah think of the most handsome person in the world most beautiful woman in the world splattering shit all over herself at some point in her hotness heyday most likely do you remember that i don't like thinking about that what was the woody harrelson movie was it no wait was it that was he was throwing up was there it was it the woody harrelson movie where he played the bowler oh yeah oh uh kingpin kingpin yeah that was a real murray's in that scene Right There wasn't a shit scene in that That was I'm thinking of Dumb and Dumber

There is a shit scene Well he's just Shitting in the urinal That's about it really Oh yeah yeah yeah That's right That's right I know how to do it

Is that a Farrelly Brothers movie Kingpin I think so Yeah I think so Dumb and Dumber Has a big shit scene too With Jeff Daniels That's right

Yeah where he's like That's what I'm thinking of Puts laxative in his drink Yeah where he's hanging Onto the toilet seat lid Like he's gonna get shot To orbit And he's going to get shot to orbit. And he's going, oh!

Yeah. Making all those weird noises. Yeah, because Jim Carrey was stealing his girl. Yeah. He poisoned him. Poisoned his friend. Yeah, that's it right there. There it is.

Full on. But Kingpin. Was it a Farrelly Brothers movie? That's one of my all-time favorite comedy movies. Kingpin? Kingpin? That's a great god damn movie I remember loving it but I haven't seen it in so long

I need to look that up again I'm scared to watch movies that I love Again And see them in the light of 2019 And go ew This is terrible That's happened a couple times It happens it's weird right

You remember them so fondly Look at that Look at that, Bill Murray. Look at that hair. That hair's amazing. Yeah. It was such a good movie, man. It was so fun. Like someone in hair and makeup had to go like, I'm sure that was his decision.

We're going to make your hair just fan out randomly. God, it was awesome. It's going to look like a spoiler on a Fiero. Donald Trump's hair before Donald Trump had it. Yeah. He had like a little Trump thing going on there. It's going to look like a spoiler on a Fiero. Donald Trump's there before Donald Trump had it. Yeah. He had like a little Trump thing going on there. It's very similar. There's a professional bowler now in the PBA that has a full-on orange afro right now.

Really? And he's like really good. And he's from my hometown. Yeah. See, if you're a bowler, you got to do something like that. You got to stand out. You got to wear like purple, glittery clothes or some shit. That's smart.

That's just Brandon. He's peacocking. He's like, there he is. That dude's from Hickory, North Carolina. See, that's why he wears that shit. That's got him. Well, he's got to. It's the Bob Ross.

He's got to. I mean, how the fuck else do you get attention when you're a bowler? That's exactly right. That might be the only way to save bowling. They might have to go roller derby and just knock into each other while they're bowling. Yeah. People are bored of bowling man i've never sat down and watched bowling ari's got a good friend uh tommy what's his name he's a professional bowler real nice guy met him at a couple of shows okay but this guy's a real pro bowler. We were talking about the financial opportunities of bowling, and it's not good.

Like pro pool players look down on bowlers. You'd be surprised. It sucks. It sucks. Fat dick. Tommy. Ari's friend. I'm sorry, Tommy.

Have you bowled recently? I bowl with my kids. Yeah. It's fun. I've bowled, yeah. De Lutz, maybe? I think that's it. Yeah. It's fun. I've bowled, yeah. The Lutes, maybe? I think that's it. Yeah, Tommy Lutes.

I think that's it. The guy I went to high school with was... Yep, that's him. Did tournaments and stuff. 100%. There's Ari. Ari went to see him bowl. Yeah, he's a good guy.

Oh, that's hilarious. Real good guy. Real fucking killer bowler. Can you make it curve? Nah. Yeah. Do you even try? Steamroll that i do too right

down the damn middle i do it as hard as humanly possible or it's just disturbing for people to watch and now they have it they have the miles per hour up there so you can see how fast it's like a damn you know yeah like a pitching thing i'm trying to get that fast yeah i just want to smash those things i get annoyed at at the guys who curve it really good. Like it goes way over here and it just whips real fast. And then they gutter ball. I'm like, all that for fucking nothing? You fucked up.

Look at all that you did. You got shitty whip. Now watch me. Right down the middle. Strike. To me, bowling was always like breaking in pool. It's like, yeah, it's cool to break the balls, but the real cool thing is to play the game.

You're just breaking the balls over and over again. It's the same look every time. You mean in pool? Well, it's like bowling. Bowling, you're just breaking the balls. That's all you're doing. When you're bowling, you've got pins. You're just knocking down the pins in the exact same order.

It's the same thing every time. I know the combinations are different in the way they collide and the way you impact is different but it's still the same thing like it's a dumb game i'm sorry and my grandfather was a big bowler man he bowled leagues and he had trophies in his house and shit he used to love bowling but when i was like a little kid i was analyzing bowling because he'd take me bowling with him i was like this is a nonsense game yeah this game's nonsense how do you get into it just so you can smoke and drink and there's a thing that they have in the east coast in boston that they don't even have anywhere else it's called candle pin bowling you ever see that shit it's what's version? Dude, you bowl with a softball. That sounds more fun to me.

But it's huge in the East Coast. Hometown Ohio, they've got a few places, actually, gigantic bars that have all these lanes for this thing, yeah. For candle pin bowling. Yeah, it's called pins or something. I was looking down on that because I came from my grandfather in New Jersey who bowled regular bowling like a fucking American. And then I went over, what's this candle pin bullshit? I'm like, would you guys steal this from Finland or something? What is this nonsense game?

Well, I see all those pins. I want to be able to. Oh, my. Now, see, I didn't know it was that. That is ridiculous. I didn't know they were shaped that way. They're throwing rocks. They're throwing rocks at pins.

That's not what I was talking about. This is really just a bar game. What is that? This is not what you're talking about? Well, I mean, it is, but it's way smaller, and it's really just like a bar game. Oh, no. They have like five lanes or ten lanes, and you can play. Oh, but it's this same game?

Yeah, yeah. I'll show you. See, Candlepin Bowling in New England, they'll have like bowling alleys, and you go, oh, let's go bowl. And they're like, oh, we're Candlepin only. People are like, what? Candlepin only. Bowling alleys.

Yeah. So we're going to light these candles? That's what I want. Instead of on fire. It only works on the East Coast. For some reason, there's a few of those things like, how about this? High lie. Oh, fuck.

People gambling on high lie? How fast does that ball go? That ball goes fast. It's actually way smaller than I was thinking in my head. I've only been there once. Oh, so it's way different. Miniature bowling kind of. Yeah.

Oh, okay. And you get a little ball, too. Skeet ball a little's way different. Miniature bowling kind of. Yeah. Okay. And you got a little ball too. Skeet ball a little bit. Yeah. So it's kind of like candle pin bowling. But the candle pins, the pins are different. They're shaped like candles. That's why it's called candle pin bowling.

If you look at them, they're thin pins. They're not like fat on the bottom. That's like, what are we even here? Yeah. Are we bowling or not? Make a commitment. Highlight, I think, is one of the most corrupt games. Oh, yeah? Someone tried to tell me, explain... Oh, it was Joey. not make a commitment highlight i think is one of the most corrupt games oh yeah someone someone

tried to tell me explain oh it was joey he was explaining to me how highlight works that it's all about gambling and the only reason why it works is that people are betting on the games and so because people are betting on the games they get these guys these guys are just fucking missing on purpose and they know yeah it's like it's rigged i might be wrong if you're a highlight player and you're like fuck you joe rogan i'll never listen to this podcast again hey i get my information from the church of what's happening here we go look at that damn glove it's look how they play with that it looks like somebody with a one long freaky nail are they they're holding it right it's not like wrapped around their wrist yeah they're holding it like a tennis racket how much more fun

would it be if he uh watched a baseball game where the pitcher just had that thing boy that looks so stupid this game looks so dumb what what's the goal the goal who's winning who's losing i don't know they're throwing it off the wall and then another guy catches it and then they throw it and but they look like they're gonna get hit in the face pretty quick They're putting forth Minimum effort Oh, Jesus Christ Even when he falls down It's like that guy

He's falling down Like he's trying to get a foul Oh, yeah He does It looks like he flopped Yeah, he flopped In soccer The soccer flop's the best

Oh, he soccer flopped it That's why soccer Never make it in America The flop You can't get Yeah You have 30 years of flopping You can't trick us

Right We can watch it on TV We know what you do You know, though I think it's catching on In the NFL and have 30 years of flopping You can't trick us Right We can watch it on TV We know what you do You know though I think it's catching on In the NFL and the NBA They're flopping They're starting to flop

A little bit more Because they see what happens Didn't somebody analyze Who's free throw Did they analyze What do you mean There was someone that There was an ESPN analyst

Who analyzed What's the guy's name With the big crazy beard Really good basketball player. Oh, from the Clippers? Oh, go to, I don't know what. I pretended to know. I literally don't know shit.

Go to Andrew Schultz's, I think it's Kevin Durant. Is that it? Andrew Schultz's. Go to Andrew Schultz's Twitter page. So he had it up on his Twitter, and I watched it. I watched the analysis. The difference between him when he's challenged and he throws a free throw versus unchallenged. James Harden with the beard.

That's it. James Harden. What do you mean challenged? Meaning someone's trying to block him or he has a free open shot. Oh, open shot. When he has a free open shot, he just jumps up in the air and does his three pointer. But when he's challenged, he throws his legs up to hit the other person so he can fall down on his ass. Oh, like it's like a leg kick, like a self-defense move?

Well, it's not even a self-defense move. He's forcing contact with the person so that he can fall down. So it looks like... Yeah, he can fall down so it looks like yeah it's interesting so it looks like he got fouled like so here you'll see him this watch watch no one's there watch watch he jumps he jumps straight up in the air straight up just straight up in the air and this guy analyzes several shots where he does this and then um then they show when he's contested right and when he contested, he jumps up in the air and look, he throws his body weight forward and then falls down.

So in the hopes that there'll be a foul. Yeah. They're saying like if you look at the way his body moves, when someone's contesting him, he moves and leaning his legs towards them to make contact. Do you think that's involuntary or voluntary? Could be involuntary. See, the problem is that pencil neck dork fucking pushing that. No, this is.

I'm just kidding. He's specifically known, especially like in the last two or three years, for getting himself to the free throw line. Right. At a way higher clip than almost anybody in history. So like, that's what they're also saying. Like, you can't fault him for that because he's using the rules of the game. Sure.

To play the game. Right. So this guy is, who is this guy who's examining this? Scott Van Pelt. Scott Van Pelt. So the head sports center guy is analyzing this and he's realizing that the legs are moving in a direction

towards the other player because the guy's there. Which might exactly be what he's doing. It might be that. Or it might be that he has a different reaction when someone's in front of him. Like he almost wants to kick the guy away from him. Yeah. I don't know. Most times fouled on a three-point attempt, he has 95.

60 more than anybody in the league. Damn. So, I'm going with Scott Van Pelton. Is that his name? Yeah. They made it a rule, too. Maybe correct. There's a big thing that happened over the weekend in their game.

Because you have to give the guy a space to land. Because a couple years ago, there were a couple defensive players that got in trouble for hurting people. They were getting their ankles turned, ruining their career, which is then ruining this team's chances to win a championship. Lots of money involved. It's a flagrant foul. It's very bad to do that. And the referees all of a sudden didn't call this on Sunday. The very first time all year they stopped calling it.

That's why they're talking about it, it really and they stopped calling it because people are taking advantage of it why they stopped calling it is the big question that people are literally talking about for 48 hours like why are they doing this bringing up the question of like are the officials really involved in the game and it's become a big discussion about another reason why i won't watch it do you you watch sports? I watch football. That's it? Yep. Do you worry about brain damage?

Well, yeah, because it's going to ruin the NFL. Do you look at it differently? Let's go take my sport away. Do you look at it differently than you did before that concussion movie? Well, I played high school football. I've got hit so hard that I've seen stars and that kind of stuff, but I think that could happen. I don't look at it differently to answer your question.

No. I think, you know, they might change the helmets, and they've tried that over the years. Do you remember, like, when it was just leather helmets? There was less concussions because you would not lead with your head. Exactly. Now you have a weapon on your head, and people have used it as such. And so I would love love you know how they do throwback uniforms let's i mean let's go throwback equipment you'd have to put the leather helmet back on take that take that stupid face mask off you really should but you'd have to

change so much you have to change so much in the way people there's so many different factors the way they practice the way they set up plays yeah it would have to be a new game. I don't think it's going to happen. I think the perception of the helmet being safer fucked the game up. I really think it did. But, you know, I used to think that bare-knuckle boxing, like they should have bare knuckles in the UFC. But then I've been watching this bare-knuckle boxing stuff, and people get cut up so bad.

Now I'm thinking, you know what? It's better to have Padded knuckles It's better Yeah It's better for the fighters Well the helmets The leather helmets

Were padded They just weren't Like a hard shell And the shell Is what made it You know You used it as a weapon So that's literally

The only way you're gonna Be able to stop Some of this brain damage And you're still not Gonna be able to stop it all They're still colliding Into each other They say these guys

Are getting brain damage From getting hit in the chest Yeah damage from getting hit in the chest. They're getting hit in the chest and their head snaps back and their brain's swashing around inside their skull. Well, they're changing, I think, maybe like in younger, like little league now. It's like you can't do tackle football until a certain age. So now everyone's, you know, it's all flag football until a certain age, I think. That'll probably happen and yeah and then uh the practices will be different where we only do pads once a

week save it for the real game will be amazing if they ever came up with something that definitively fixed it like uh some stem cell treatment or something like that that regenerated brain tissue and bring you back to your normal state right if they do that then we don't have to worry about it anymore right but until that man well that's gotta be around the corner that's close i think that's a very complex question of how to regenerate neural tissue brain tissue how to get rid of all those abscesses and all those things you see in those people's brains that have CTE. They develop these holes in their brain. It's serious shit.

It's a wild ass sport though. Did you play football ever? No. No. No, I wrestled in high school. I was little, man. I wrestled 134 pounds. Yeah, but you could have been a good running back.

Fuck the fuck out of here. There was another dude. So the fastest guys are small and just you know i wasn't that fast a runner i was fast kicking and punching and stuff but i wasn't really that fast a runner i didn't do a lot of running but um when i was uh in high school when i was wrestling they were trying to tell me to like the coach coach murphy he was also the wrestling coach he was also the football coach and he's like bro come on you're a sick fuck you should you should play football yeah and i was like dude that guy plays football we have this our heavyweight his name is bobby baker he was 300 pounds he was enormous he was so big

i was like he's not squashing me the fuck out of here the hardest i've ever been hit was by a little dude in practice um probably like five seven and he just he just, he was a DB. And it was a practice, so I was like third string running back in there. Like, I was just running up the gut. And I was falling into the end zone, right? It was over. And this kid, he had a running start,

like 20-yard head start. And it was like he came up from out of the ground and went, pow, and knocked me back up. Whoa. And that's the hardest I've ever been hit was by a little guy. So, you know. Just think about speed, momentum. You're like a human torpedo.

Yeah. With a hard helmet on. And that's what he led with that helmet. But you know how fast, like, a really good athlete can run and just think of all that mass behind them and just crash. Yeah. Yeah. The way those guys get hit and the amount of force behind them getting hit is probably

unlike anything in sports other than a car accident. Right? Other than NASCAR. Yeah. Yeah. NASCAR, I think they should bring, you know how hockey, you can still fight in hockey. NASCAR fights? Yeah.

Pull out in the pit stop. Let's duke it out. Yeah. If there's a caution Everyone else is lapping You got two guys Have a beef Pull over

Get out of the car Whoa In the middle of the infield With grass We have a wrestling rink And it's like Full on Let's go get in the rink

Wow We'll give you two minutes And then If you win that match Maybe you get a little Time shaving off You know Oh

So it's There's advantage to I'd watch that more If it were like Half wrestling Half Nascar Maybe you get a little time shaving off, you know. So there's advantage to it. I'd watch that more if it were like half wrestling, half NASCAR. Put the Nacho Libre mask on. NASCAR's a weird one, right? Because it's obviously fun to watch. It's fun to be there.

But it's not as fun as Formula One. You watch Formula One, you're like, well, these guys are going way faster. Well, and those wheels. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that Well, and those wheels. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a whole other thing. Yeah. You know, those wheels touch, it's over, you're in the air.

Right. Yeah. These guys, NASCAR, a lot of that happens and it's fine. That's true. That one wheel, wow. Yeah, and those guys die. Yeah. Well, I guess NASCAR guys die, too.

Yeah. Not as much anymore, but. I mean, anybody's driving a fucking car going fast can die. What am I saying? But there's something about, if you ever see the video between, they show GT3 racing versus Formula One racing.

It's the same track and they show like a GT3 car, like a Porsche going around this car really fast. And then they show the same exact path being taken by a Formula One car and you're like, Jesus, watch this. Okay. Watch this. Jeez. Yeah. and then they show the same exact path being taken by a formula one car and you're like jesus watch

this watch okay here pray yeah one on the left and two of them whoa look at how much faster they are now what's the oh okay that's the same track the same track exact same turn look how much goddamn faster they are man that's insane look at that it's so fast is that car going on the right i don't know man that's insane it seems amazing that. It's so wild. How fast is that car going on the right? I don't know, man. That's insane. It seems amazing. What a perfect line he's cutting.

See how the line, the perfect racing line is cut into the groove? You see that darkness? Yep. Yep. That's a bunch of talented drivers. No, thank you. I think the fastest I've ever been is maybe 115. You ever been on a racetrack?

I've been on a racetrack. Yeah? Yeah. But not in a pace car. a racetrack. Yeah? Yeah. But not, you know, not in a pace car, you know. Oh, in a NASCAR? Yeah. Yeah. But the Daytona 500 has that huge, you know, that incline.

Mm-hmm. And just being down there and seeing that and standing there next to it like, whoa, I didn't know it was that steep. You have to go fast to stay on that thing. Yeah. Yeah. That is pretty wild. Yeah. And to stay on that thing. Yeah. Yeah. That is pretty wild, right? Yeah. And people get hit up there.

Yeah. They bump wheels up there and collide and fucking spin out on each other. Look at that thing. Yeah, that is nuts, man. Yeah. That's a serious bang. Look at that. Wow.

It's like a wall. That is. It's a little turned to the picture, but still. What do you think that degree is like what angle uh they've told me before i forgot it's probably like it's pretty serious though 20 degrees 31 degrees whoa wow that's crazy that's insane that's i mean man if you would be nervous if you're on a skateboard on that thing you have to go a certain speed just to stay up on the probably right yeah it's such an american sport man nascar is so american because it's loud as fuck yeah the cars are gross they look they're so gross looking yeah they don't look

anything like a real car too many sponsors are all over it even if you have a really nice car that's supposed to be the model that that car is, the NASCAR car looks gross. And the decal, they make fake headlights. It's a sticker of a headlight. Why even put that on there? Yeah, what are we doing? Why are you lying to me? Yeah.

Yeah. It's a fascinating piece of equipment, though, that we've decided to make these things that just drive really fast and then hurl them around this circle, this oval, over and over and over again. It's got so high tech. They count the drafting of it. They know every angle. All that. But back in the day, it was just a couple of good old boys with moonshine trying to outrun the cops.

Exactly, yeah. That's what I want to see. That was hot rodding in its finest. That's what it was. That's what I want to see. Put moonshine in them cars. Isn't that funny that that's where it all came from? These guys are trying to figure out how to get the fuck away from cops.

Cops used to have the shittiest cars, man. Yeah. You think if they had to chase people in Caprice Classics with butt bench seats. Yeah. That is the worst car for handling. With dress shoes. Yeah. Oh, my God. They make them wear those stupid shoes. Yeah. Yeah. That is the worst car for handling. With dress shoes. Yeah. Oh, my God.

They make them wear those stupid shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Give these guys some Nikes, man. That's back in the day. That's like the early days. Yeah, on the beach. Wow.

Daytona was on the ocean. Was Daytona 500 the first event? You know, I think so. I think. Well, no, I don't know about that. Look at these cars. It was on the sand. The first Daytona was on the sand.

I believe so. Wow, these are on the sand. They're driving in the sand. This is crazy. They're not going as fast. Oh, those cars are so shitty. Is that a convertible? That looks like a Batmobile.

They are convertibles. They're convertibles. Wow. That's what I want to see. I'll bring back the damn convertible and NASCAR. I want to see these dudes' faces. I wonder why they made them in convertibles. I don to see. I'll bring back the damn convertible in NASCAR. I want to see these dudes' faces. I wonder why they made them in convertibles. I don't know.

Yeah. Well, they got the roll bar. Yeah, but still. I mean, I bet it gets too hot in there. They probably didn't have air conditioning back then. Yeah. That's probably exactly what it was. Because it's on fire.

It's easier to get out when you don't have a roof. Yeah. Yeah, those people probably died in those things all the time. Those shitty cars. Like, if you were a car racer. Yeah, those people probably died in those things all the time. Those shitty cars. Like, if you were a car racer back then, you were going to crash. There's no way you're going to not. You're not going to keep together every time. What's the fastest you think you've been in a vehicle?

I don't want to say, because we're on the internet. Well, you know, you don't say what country it was in. I don't know. This could be in Germany on the Autobahn. I don't know. In the it was in uh i don't know this could be in germany on the in the 100s yeah yeah there's some um no no i think that would have fallen apart yeah flying off the the um the newest cars though the the problem is they're in this horsepower war where every year they have to have a faster 0 to 60. And now they've gotten to the point where they're ridiculously fast.

Like the cars of today. Like if you just bought a regular car today, it'd be faster than a muscle car was in the 1970s. Right. And you wouldn't even feel it. Yeah. You wouldn't even notice it. You couldn't even tell you're going that fast. Yeah. Yeah You wouldn't even notice it

You couldn't even tell you're going that fast Yeah Like if you bought Like a Honda Accord Today It would probably handle better And drive faster Than any supercar from 1970

Right Yeah Probably If I had to guess Yeah You can't feel it Yeah They're real numb

They're way safer Yeah It's way more boring Have you driven a Tesla? No Just drive that I would love to though Stupid Isn't electric cars Zero to sixty Way quicker than gas? You wouldn't even believe it It's way more boring. Have you driven a Tesla? No. Just drive that. I would love to, though. Stupid.

Isn't electric cars zero to 60 way quicker than gas? You wouldn't even believe it. I mean, it's got to be, right? Yeah. It's just instant power. Instant power, and that one has a four-wheel drive. The Tesla Model S P100D. Yeah.

It's got four-wheel drive. And so it's got an engine in the front and an engine in the rear, and it flies. Yeah. It violates physics. Do you get like a whiplash in that thing? Like a roller coaster, dude. Yeah. Like you can't believe how fast it's going.

It's stupid. And they're making a stupider one. They're making a faster one that goes zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds. Lord. Yeah. It's a Tesla Roadster. It looks dope, too. It looks like a spaceship.

I would love to have one. Are you still living in L.A.? Where are you at now? I moved back to Hickory, North Carolina. Damn. I was out here 18 years. You just couldn't do it anymore? No.

Well, it was a couple things. My career has always been like a roller coaster. I've had good years, bad years. I actually just miss my family. I missed out on a lot growing up you know so

and the market was really good I had this condo in Studio City I bought it for a certain amount and then it gained value and I thought

well if I'm going to do this now's the time to pull the trigger and I think I saw you at the improv one and I said I'm out of here I'm bouncing

and I you do the road so much, right? Yeah. Well, that's the thing too. And the industry's changed. you know, I already have a manager and an agent.

It's not like I need to be here for every little audition. You know, I'll put myself on tape. I got Eastbound and Down on a tape. I got Harold and Kumar on a tape.

Wow. You know, and then now, yeah, the second audition, yeah, you fly up for it, but like,

you know, getting your foot in the door of that tape, anybody can do that now. It's just changed so much. That's if you want to act, and you do so much stand-up on the road, there's really no reason to be here unless you just want to perform at the store all the time. That's right. Yeah. Yeah.

And I moved back to Hickory, and I was going to get myself a nice lake house in Lake Hickory. Yeah. Still want to do that, but then as soon as I get home you know thanksgiving dad has a stroke so i see that happen that you ever seen someone have a stroke no you there when i was looking right at him and it was weird because my dad's a funny guy like i thought maybe because we were going to eat thanksgiving dinner late so like it was like a 6 p.m thing we were doing to get other people in the house. And so he was complaining all day about not eating. Like, I'm hungry.

What are we going to eat? What are we going to eat? I'm looking around at him. He's sitting next to the fireplace. And he just, like, he just, like, nosedives. Like, just head first right onto the hardwood floor. And it was like, boom, you hear like a thump. And I was like, ah ah dad's making a joke

we haven't eaten yet he's making a thing about low blood sugar or something and I was kind of laughing and my brother was like no he hit really hard his head hit that floor way too hard for that to be a joke and then you walk over to him and arms curling up

one eye's going like that and it's like this is a stroke and we called 911 they came pretty quick but he suffered some serious brain damage right here and so he's paralyzed with his left side now but i was in a weird way happy that i was at home when this happened because you know how we're still out here and that shit happened right i'd be i'd be hating life yeah but the fact that i'm there and able to help mom out you know going through it all this this whole thing because she's got glaucoma and she's got brittle bones you know she can't physically lift him up and do stuff and the fact that we were in the house and able to help it's crazy it was i didn't see the drooping of the face

I didn't see that happen That's what people say when you see a stroke You see like the drooping happens Like that fat chick in Total Recall Two weeks Let's see where Ed explodes Get ready for our surprise I thought that was what it was

No he just hit the floor. So have you toured at all since that, or have you just been mostly staying home? Small, just places I can. I didn't take on extra gigs, but I didn't cancel the ones I had. So the ones that I could drive to, definitely. I was, well, let me go. I have a brother who's there as well. But I definitely didn't take on anything For You know Since Thanksgiving

That it wasn't already there So Yeah It's But he's He's at a skilled Nursing facility now And they showed us

The X right You know The MRI Of the brain damage That happened He had a collided artery He's got Now he keeps getting

UTI infections Because he Has a catheter Because it also It doesn't just fuck With your muscles It's the organs On that side too So his bladder keeps getting UTI infections because he has a catheter. Because it also, it doesn't just fuck with your muscles. It's the organs on that side too. So his bladder's got to relearn how to operate.

So he's got a catheter, you know, and that just opens you up for UTI infections a lot. And those, I don't know if you know, they're like UTI infections when you're older.

Like it really devastates you because you hallucinate. So you see shit. Oh no. no yeah and it's weird being in there and you know he would like uh hey make sure that bear's not out there like a bear like he keeps hearing or think there's a bear outside the window so yeah that i was happy to be back home for that but um are there bears where you live no no not not the skilled nursing facility i mean there might be some twinks yeah no bears are you allowed to say twink i don't know trouble he used to be able to just make a joke about that it's dangerous yes yeah no but uh yeah hoping for the best still going through through rehab, occupational therapy, physical therapy.

Do they think that he'll be able to recover some function on his left side? I think, you know, they always want to dangle a little bit of light of hope at the end of the talk. Oh, Jesus. Jesus, I'm panicking. But, you know, some people recover quickly. Some people not at all. Some people three years later can recover. You need a –

Here you go. Yeah. three years later can recover you need a there you go yeah three years later yeah i mean you know so we're just still we're still doing all of it john singleton just died from a stroke that's right yeah and he was what 51 51 yeah it could happen to anybody at any age luke perry same thing 51 stroke that's right yeah yeah crazy a lot of strokes are happening fuck man i wonder if those folks smoked cigarettes. Well, my dad definitely did. Yeah. Yeah. They say that cigarettes contribute pretty heavily to strokes.

He used to smoke a lot when he was younger and then quit when he was in his late 40s. Yeah. But that was a lot. Back then, we'd smoke at 12 years old or something. A whole pack. I don't know if Singleton smoked, but I do know Luke Perry did. Yeah. Yeah, and this woman that I talked to who was a neurologist was telling me that that's a significant factor.

Uh-huh. It raises your chances of stroke pretty significantly. Yeah. So, I'm back in Hickory, but my idea is to come My idea is to come out here You know for pilot season Keep doing it Right Yeah Right And then hit the store

I was there last night It was fun Yeah it was good seeing you man Yeah you too man Doing the roast battle That's out of my comfort zone too Oh it's so mean It is

That's not me I don't know what's taking you at all I couldn't No I know you're a nice guy But I'm like okay You guys should shake hands I'm glad they hug at the end

I'm glad they hug too Well Brian Moses The host of it is awesome Yeah he's good He's such a nice guy like okay you guys should shake hands i'm glad they hug at the end i'm glad they hug too well brian moses the host of it is awesome yeah he's such a nice guy that when he does that show it seems like it's okay yeah because he's so nice like and he's so funny too yeah like him hosting it it makes it seem like it's okay and jeff ross being there yeah sort of like letting everybody know kind of what the rules kind of are you know like listen you know hey jeff's an interesting cat right like he's really created like roasting is yeah it's like it's come back he's carved out that whole niche it's all him it's all him now yeah but it really is i mean there was so little roasting going on before jeff ross yeah there was the

roasting was a thing of the past it was old friars Club type deal Yeah it was like old Jerry Lewis, Dean Martin That kind of stuff It's kind of amazing Yeah they were great Those guys are so mean to each other But they were all friends And they were laughing While it's happening

That's also the difference too There weren't that many of them And they were friends Legitimately friends That's the thing They already were friends A lot of that's the thing yeah they already were friends yeah a lot of these roasts now it's like who am i doing right who right and i'm gonna come out swinging yep mean yeah mean i mean i feel like i gotta get to know you before i can really

bust your balls otherwise i'm just being a dick exactly but it is just being a dick a lot of time but it's really clever yeah it is being i enjoy it from afar you know yes lot of times. But it's really clever. Yeah, it is. Being a dick in a clever way. I enjoy it from afar. Yes, me too. But I think it's a great showcase for joke writing. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Really good for that.

The best ones are the quickest right to the joke. Brutal. You know, the guys, there's a guy last night who pulled out a laptop and was trying to do some voice created, like, you know stephen hawking voice or something and i'm like this is taking too long you know it's not working like just the next guy had like it was like four words pat pat pam yeah that's a skill i wish i had see i'm like i get up there i'm a goofball i tell stories i, I'm animated, I move around, but I envy those guys who can go, ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.

I wish I had that skill. You could develop that skill, but you've gotten better at it over the years. But you have a style. You have your own John Reap style. Right. And people like your style. That's true. They would be mad, like, hey, man, why are you doing that?

What's this ba-da-boomboom-bada-bing shit? Who's this guy? I like the guy who tells the great stories. Is he doing an impression of a comedian? Yeah. Do you remember when you first started out, there was a way you thought you had to be? Yeah. Did you do anything cringy that you look back on now and you go, what was I doing back then?

Yeah. I mean, I used to come out like, I used to dance a lot. I was the Hickory Dance Machine. The Hickory Dance Machine? I would come out dancing. Really? And the crowd's like, okay, there's a lot of energy here. What kind of music?

Whatever was popular. You know, something from Jock Jams, Volume 2. You know, Snap,ock Jams Volume 2 You know Snap I got the power Oh I got the power It's getting It's getting kind of hectic

Really So I'd come out and dance And I made up stupid little I'd do a shovel dance A rake dance A mop dance And then I would stop And do comedy

And then I would Get bored with myself And then I'd dance again In the middle This is what I was featuring And then I would stop and do comedy, and then I would get bored with myself, and then I'd dance again in the middle. This is what I was featuring. And then I would dance again at the end. Hickory Dance Machine. My favorite one, though.

I'm actually proud of this dance. It was any guy washing women's laundry in the 1800s dance. It's a very specific dance. A guy, look at you. Oh, turn it off. Look at you, John. That's it. So he smells it. Oh, that's before the beard. Oh, turn it off. Look at you, John. That's it. So he smells it.

Oh, that's before the beard. Look at those chins. Look at that baby face. How old were you back then? Oh, this was a week ago, I think. Now you're dancing. This is like, I'm not sure how long ago. It looks like you were in Russia.

Russia. Russia. That's in a theater right outside of Hickory, a place in Lenore. Oh, like 700 people Wow Yeah Out of shape right there Where did you first Start doing stand up?

In Raleigh, North Carolina Charlie Goodnights That's a great spot It's one of the People love it It's like one of the best clubs On the East Coast They used to say

It is Didn't somebody buy that place? Yeah Well Brad It was Tommy Williams Forever Then he sold it to Brad Reeder Brad Reeder sold it to The guys that own Helium

So that you know Philadelphia and Portland That club chain So now they own it It's just called Good Nights now They took the Charlie off of it So it's Still a great club

I don't know Charlie Good Night was some cowboy I think maybe they didn't like that What's wrong with Charlie Cowboy Charlie's great But You've played there before yeah a bunch of times it's it's hard not to do great in that club and it's also can kind of uh you know ruin you in a weird way if you start out of the club where everyone kills all the time because you're

thinking okay i got this well it's been a week. I've nailed it. Come on, world. What do you got? And then you go to some other little shitty one-nighter. It's like, no. No, you can't dance here. That's interesting. Why do you think made it so good?

Was it the dimensions of the room? Was it the crowd? Yeah. Was it because of the town? I think it was. The town's a cool town. Yeah, town's great. It's a college town. Yeah.

It's also the town. Yeah, town's great. It's a college town. Yeah. It's also the capital. Yeah. So you get a mix of your politicians, your college professors, your students, and right outside of it's the rest of the world. So it's a mix of everything. And it's really close to campus, too. So I don't know. I think it's, they were just, that club, it was good at what they did.

You know, like, you go to a one-nighter, it's a bar. Like, I remember the first time I did a gig outside of a comedy club, where it was just a bar. It was a pool hall that had a comedy night. And I went there on a Wednesday. And me and this other guy walk in, we're the comedians, and we're like, oh, yeah, so we're here for the show. The comedians are like, oh, shit, that's tonight, huh? Fuck. All right.

Johnny, go get that amplifier. So it's like there's, I'm like, are you kidding me? And then you have to tell people to stop playing pool so you can tell your jokes. Right away, people hate you. Oh, you can't get people to stop playing pool. I'm going to go back to good nights. Oh, wow. So that was your first venture?

First one outside of a club was like a one-nighter pool hall. Wow. Yeah. That's a rough first one-nighter. Yeah, yeah. Luckily, I only had to do like 10 minutes, but that 10 minutes seemed like an hour. Charlie Good Nights also was a club that had been around for so long. It had such a history.

Yeah. Because there's so many comics that come through everybody came through there yeah everybody i know everybody came through everybody so like the people that lived in that town they were used to good comedy that's right they got great comedy every week yep and uh yeah and the 80s was the heyday you know what else is like that zany's in nashville that's my favorite comedy that's a fucking great spot. That's my favorite comedy film. That's a fucking great spot, man. That's my favorite one. It's a fucking great spot. Zany's. God.

That place is the shit. Yep. I've been going there for years. There's a lot of dead people on those walls. Probably. Yeah, there is. There's 8x10s. Yeah.

There's 8x10s of comics. Many of them are dead. There's a guy named Brian Kiley. I know Brian Kiley. This is a different one. Oh. I know the one you're thinking of. The guy from Boston. Yeah. This is a different one. Same name. kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle do the road and all that stuff i said sure you just show up at these gigs and you want to go up i'll let you out i don't care and so it got to be a thing you know he did he did a gig for me and uh right outside my hometown and then that night he goes well i'm just gonna drive back to raleigh

tonight which is like a three hour you know drive and he died on the way there some drunk driver hit him and he flipped his car and he didn't have a seatbelt on because he didn't have the extender he couldn't physically put it on and so i don't matter how big you are if you're flipping that car you're going out the window and so it killed him and his headshot hangs right there above that door and so that's one of many people on that wall that is no longer with us a lot of comedians dying yeah but that that when do you think that zany's was started i want to say in the 70s probably there it is i think they started chicago right zany's chicago there's a real that's the dorfman's that's the chicago one right that looks like yeah that's not uh that's a chicago, yeah. That's not. That's in Chicago there.

Yeah. That's a weird angle. That's a lens. Great little club. That one's not as great to me because it's long and boxy. And the further you get back to the bar area, the more chance you have to lose them back there. Yeah, but it's still only 150 seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

That's tiny as shit. But it's. I see what you're saying. The one in Nashville. Nashville's perfect. You get the flanks. It's. Yep. It has a balcony right there at the top.

Shout out to the Dorfmans. And everybody just has a good time at Zaney's, man. It's a great club. Yeah. It's my favorite one. And then second favorite would be Denver. I was bummed out when they lost. Denver's fantastic.

But I was bummed out when they lost the punchline in Atlanta. That was another one. That was another one, man. They lost that one to a parking issue is that what it was yeah that one it was a shape like a barn perfect yep they had a small balcony but they just packed people on top of each other yeah so you didn't have room to be you know uh on your phone or talking it was like you're right on top of people you had to walk through the crowd to get to the yeah to the stage unless you hung out that one weird green room the whole time yeah well there's no bathroom that one weird green room yeah i like that spot and then had

that sign on the back wall that said quit trying to be hicks yeah yeah in the because there was all sorts of writing on the wall which is weird weird in Atlanta Because we're all Kind of hicks Remember there was an upstairs area too Where you could look down Like there was Limited seating Small little balcony Where the DJ was up there Whatever

That's right And you had like That's where their office was And they had like It's like the heckle Maybe like five people Could sit up there Yeah

I did a good practical joke At that place one time. There's this comedian named James Sibley. Great guy. Very funny southern dude. We were sharing a condo somewhere, I think in Myrtle Beach. And as a joke, I thought it'd be funny when he's leaving to put a condom wrapper in his bag. And I go, ha ha!

Not tell him. You're so pissed. So I did that, right? Did this happen to you? No. So he goes away. I don't see him for a year or two, maybe three. He's divorced now.

Well, the first thing he did, this is Atlanta Punchline, he walked up to me and was like, you motherfucker. You know what you did to me? You got me divorced. It was this long thing i was like dude i'm so sorry i was stupid it was just dumb i already had i wouldn't even planned out it was sitting right there i just do it in there haha maybe he'll find it when as he's packing to go home i didn't i didn't think it's out you know right so i felt really bad about it he goes i'm gonna get you back and uh i'm like okay and that stupid green room they have in that corner at the punchline, right, where you're sitting in there.

There's no access to a bathroom. If you just poke your head out, everybody can see you. Like, who's in there? What's going on? So I'm sitting in there. He goes, all right, here's what I'm going to do. When you go on stage, because he was opening for me, I'm going to put mustard all over the doorknobs in here okay and you're gonna be in such a hurry to get out of there and go back to your stupid merch table

that you're not even gonna remember that i told you there's mustard all over this doorknob and you're just gonna grab mustard on your head it wasn't as good as me getting him with a condom obviously but he was right like i go on stage he told you he was gonna do he told me he was going to do it i said uh cat's out of the bag james not gonna happen and of course i grabbed it right away i was like okay are you still close with him do you know yeah well not i mean as close as i can be but uh we're good we're fine did you have to talk to his wife no he's got a new life now but not because of me wonder if it was it was the first step. Maybe so. Could have been the first nail. That's right.

And you're welcome, new wife. The glass is half full. That's right. Okay? Settle the fuck down, everybody. Yeah, you're welcome, new wife. Maybe that was like God's plan. That's right.

In a weird way, I was like God. Come on, man. In a lot of ways. What if God was one of us? He is. It's me. Isn't that a song? Yes, it is.

Who sang that song? Jane Osborne, I think. Yeah. You know what's really funny am i right yeah pretty close pretty close you're not impressed with the speed of that that was very quick thank you like a dj from the 90s junk jams yeah whatever happened to that lady that was a good song yeah she uh had her nose pierced she had beautiful curly hair. She just said, listen, this is not for me. I'd rather be in a hippie commune somewhere doing yoga every day. I wonder where she, maybe she is doing that.

Probably. What is she still out there? Still hustling? She's still out there. Still making it. Every day I'm hustling. Eric Ross. I love that one.

That's on my playlist of working out. When I get on the treadmill. Every day I'm hustling. Yeah. That one gets me going. Any, I swear to God it does's on my playlist of working out when I get on the treadmill. Every day I'm hustling. Yeah. That one gets me going. Any, I swear to God it does. Cat Williams started it though. Like when I saw Cat Williams do his bit about like you could have any stupid job and if

you hear that song, you do the best you can at it. Right. It was a great bit. Yeah. And I'm like. And that's where the first time I heard the song. I go, I like that. Yeah.

I'm hustling up here on the treadmill. Cat Williams has some all time great bits. Yeah. yeah especially the earlier stuff all that pimp chronicle stuff he does he's a murderer man yeah it's fantastic murdering yeah it's so funny he was coming up like right when he was starting to blow up his stuff was so good yeah it was so good he was so way did he talk excited too and and animated. It was really fun, man. Fun shit. Great comic. So there's Rick Ross on my playlist.

And then I also do a soundtrack from Flash Gordon, Queen. You know? You're the best. No, that's Karate Kid, but Queen. That one of your soundtracks? That was on there, too. You're the best around? Yeah.

Rocky, obviously. I go with movies that kind of inspired me when I was a kid and get that soundtrack. I see. And then I get on that elliptical machine, and now I'm doing the elliptical for the universe like Flash Gordon. You're letting motherfuckers know. I'm saving the planet. Did you ever watch the old Flash Gordon from the 1950s? No.

The first one I saw was the shitty one in the 80s. Oh. I was on a plane, not really recently. I guess more like a couple of years ago. And they had one of those video catalogs. You could just watch stuff. I think it was an international flight. Yeah.

And it had old TV shows. And it had Flash Gordon. Yeah. I watched a bunch of episodes of Flash Gordon. It was wild, man. It was weird. It's weird to watch. Yeah. It's weird to watch yeah it's weird to watch what people thought like space was going to be like and aliens it's so strange yeah i mean i

think flash gordon was probably from the 50s right it was a comic book wasn't it yes yeah it's originally a comic book see if you can get pull up video of they need to remake that photos of the green room and the punchline i was looking for that Hicks line Oh we've showed that before I wish they would remake Flash Gordon And make it a comedy But keep the soundtrack Cause it's Queen

I think Bohemian Rhapsody's huge Queen's huge right now Keep the exact same soundtrack Make Flash Gordon a comedy Jack Black Get Well you're thinking of

Flash Gordon the movie now Yeah the movie That's way way way way There's the original Flash Gordon With Ming the. Yeah, the movie. I'm sorry, the movie. That's way, way, way, way. There's the original Flash Gordon with Ming the Merciless. Ming the Merciless. Look at him. Gleitos, I'm bold. Look at him.

How weird does he look? Look at Flash. That's what they thought. People are going to be wearing weird neck collars in the future and belt buckles. Right. It's such a strange look, man. Just a lightning bolt on your chest. Pull up a video of it so we can watch a video because it's so a strange look man It's just a lightning bolt on your chest Pull up a video of it

So you can watch a video Because it's so weird to watch Because it looks like What year did it say? 56? 54 to 55 Wow Ming the Merciless

It's so This is where he like It's so shitty Like the special effects were so bad Oh this is not even the movie This is the I know But I mean I'm saying The Claim Jumpers Steve Holland Does Flash Gordon Like, the special effects were so bad. Oh, this is not even the movie. This is the... I know.

But, I mean, I'm saying. The Claim Jumpers. Steve Holland as Flash Gordon. Irene Champlin. Dale Arden. Look at... She's hot. She's hot. She's hot in a real way.

Joe Nash. There was no faking it back then. Dr. Zarkov. So, yeah. Same character. I've not seen this, though. So, this was a whole TV show. Yeah, man.

How many episodes do you think they made if i had a guess i bet they made 50 or something yeah look at that she's hot look at that shirt she is hot that's like look at that gun looks like a drill yeah no she's holding a drill women back then all had flat butts unless they did gymnastics that's right unless there's some freak of nature accident Uh huh And they That is some sort of weird dildo So stupid looking

That's a jackhammer You know what that looks like A handheld jackhammer It looks like that Tim Tam That Theragun That's what it looks like Right there What is that

This thing This is a thing What does that do It's for massage Oh shit See like It hurts May I?

Yes Hang on You probably shouldn't do it right in front of a microphone like I did It's great, it doesn't hurt It's real good for loosening up muscles There you go bro That's what they had Good lord

Yeah, that's their weapon It's meat I'm going to punch you in the face real fast It's always weird seeing What people thought The future was gonna be like Once the future already hits Yeah

Cause if you think of that movie Alien Like didn't we figure that out It was like 2015 Or something like that They thought the first one Was in 2000 Oh

Yeah Yeah like the future Yeah Was 2015 Yeah It was something along those lines Yeah it is weird now Like in Well Back to the Future Is classic you know the future was 2015. Yeah, it was something along those lines. Yeah, it is weird now. Well, Back to the Future is classic.

Their future was, what was it? What was the future? Because it happened in 1985, and they went to, and the second when they went to the future, but it was like 2000. It wasn't that far. No, it was like 2015 or something. You're right. Yeah, something like that.

Where Biff was the billionaire now. Yeah. Because he took that stupid sports almanac and bet on a bunch of shit. I watched that a couple of years ago at a movie theater in Bozeman, Montana with my family. They had like a Back to the Future night where they were playing it. It's a great movie. You know, they play an old classic movie. It's fucking great.

It holds up. That one holds up. It's so good. It's especially cool to see an old movie in a movie theater. I know they do those sometimes at certain movie theaters. They'll have like, they'll screen an old movie. Yeah movie theater. I know they do those sometimes in certain movie theaters. They'll screen an old movie. Yeah. It's fucking...

I went to the Hollywood Bowl and watched Back to the Future. And they had an orchestra playing live. The soundtrack. During the movie, as it's happening. And you kind of forget that that shit's happening right now. Yeah, we do that every year. We go to see The Nightmare Before Christmas Oh yeah

They do that Yeah Bowl Yeah it's great You ever go to the cemetery And watch a movie No Probably live forever

I did a show there once though You did Yeah Duncan Trussell Used to host a show there Yeah Duncan Yeah Love him So what outside

No inside There's like an inside place Where you do stand up Okay It was real weird Yeah yeah we did stand up Oh I never did that one At the cemetery

There's concerts there and shit Yeah Yeah Well that's They have that one gigantic white wall And they just project movies And everyone sits on the lawn It's like 5,000 people

How weird is that I watched Purple Rain out there Cemetery Look at that I watched Scream Yeah That was super weird Scream

The horror movie Yeah I watched the horror movie Oh no That would be good Cemetery That would be good That's actually a great move But they

Yeah Sinistria They you know I was there watching a purple rain and dave chappelle was there um they come out there's a dj they do stuff before and after the movie and what dresses up like characters from the film wow yeah it's awesome have you seen purple rain the movie lately no it's great is it no it's. Yes and no. The acting is so bad. I mean, great sarcastically. But Prince, it's so funny. There's this one, when he first makes his full face on film, right, in the movie, it takes a minute.

There's this one scene where Apollonia is walking off and he's mad and he just whips around real fast and his hair comes and does that. And everybody in the cemetery was watching this in front of like 5,000 people. Every girl's like, Look at him. And then this guy was 4'1". Oh, man. But it was...

80 pounds. He kind of changed music. Yeah. I was a huge fan. Yeah. I was a huge fan. Yeah, I was a giant fan. I saw this one in a theater. It came out. It was the first time that, like, I French kissed a girl and touched a boobie was in

this movie. Well, it's also, like... Oh, and there's a lot of wife being... Yeah. He hits her in this movie. Yeah. There was a lot... Yeah, didn't he?

He hits her in the movie. Yeah. And he's like, oh, I want to be like my dad. But he actually hits her. Yeah. And he says the F word, I want to be like my dad. But he actually hits her. Yeah. And he says the F word as well. Yes. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. That's right. I'm afraid to say anything. I don't want to dead name anybody. Don't do it. Now you know about dead naming. I know.

You put it in my head. Yeah. I was free. Dead naming. No. I'm living with dead names. You can get kicked off of Twitter for life, bitch. For life. I'm barely even on names. You can get kicked off of Twitter for life, bitch. For life.

I'm barely even on Twitter. Really? How'd you know? Well, I'm on there, but I don't know if Facebook seems to be where my people are. Really? Yeah. What people are those? Rednecks from Hickory?

Is that more of a thing? I don't know. Well, I had nothing wrong with MySpace. I was okay with MySpace. You were on MySpace. Hey, go back to AOL, man. You've got mail. Hang on. back to AOL man You've got mail Hang on it's like this

You've got mail That's perfect That's perfect Listen dude I gotta wrap this up There was one before MySpace too There was? There was the one

Friendster Friendster Picrave Yeah A couple other ones It was MySpace Then Facebook What do you think

Is going to be the next thing? TikTok Is that a new thing Have you seen that that one yet oh that's like music videos yeah make a little yeah that's not gonna work it'll work with little kids i'm annoyed with the commercials for it eventually people give up yeah what will the next thing will be something in your brain that would be a chip yes that's gonna happen yeah it'll be an iCloud where everyone's just hanging out with each other yeah some virtual world where you put in there. That's going to happen. Yeah, it would be an iCloud where everyone's just hanging out with each other. Yeah, some virtual world where you're in an avatar. Right. And you get to be a perfect person out there.

Yep. Yeah, that's going to happen. I'll try it out. The world we live in is very strange, John Reap. It certainly is. But I'm glad you're around to provide comedic entertainment, sir. Likewise, my friend. Thank you.

Where are you going to be next? I'm a huge fan. Where can people come see you? Oh, good question. Next, I am going to be next? Where can people come see you? Oh good question Next I am going to Dayton, Ohio Funny Bone Funny Bone Nice

And then Toledo Perrysburg, Ohio Also a Funny Bone And then it's all on JohnReap.com After that JohnReap.com Ladies and gentlemen

J-O-N Always good hanging with you man Likewise You going to be around tonight? You going to come down to the store? Yeah I'll see you buddy I'm at Laugh Factory on Friday night

Okay Beautiful Bye everybody Peace That was fun Thank you Bye