The Joe Rogan Experience - #1290 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

Bryan Callen is an actor and stand-up comedian, and together with Brendan Schaub he also hosts “The Fighter & The Kid” podcast on Spotify. His new stand up special “Complicated Apes” is now available to download on various platforms.

Ryan Callen. Mm-hmm. Yes! And we're live, Ryan Callen. We're live. We are live. We're live, ladies and gentlemen. We are live.

I've been listening to Radiolab on the way over here, and they have a new episode out about the asteroid impact that killed the dinosaurs. Yeah. Holy shit, man. Right. Apparently, tell me if I'm right about this before you tell me more because i want to see if i have a little knowledge there is an under like there's a very hard layer of rock that covers a large part of the earth right and that is proof that somehow there was an asteroid that hit and it got really really

hot and the rock got that is a moron's version of the science that they clearly lay out and by the way it's the worst thing i'm also like there's rock that got melted that was under the ground undeniable evidence of a rock from the space area. There's a layer of the earth. The crust of the earth is super hard because it got really hot after an asteroid hit and everybody died. And they found dinosaur bones in it. Yeah, bro. I don't believe in dinosaurs because I have something called the Bible at home.

Some people don't believe in dinosaurs. Do you know that, right? Yeah. The flat earth folks, they believe dinosaurs are fake. Why is it that most flat earthers, from my experience, are generally super good at a discipline that has nothing to do with astrophysics like jiu-jitsu? They spend a lot of time on a mat, but then they have really strong political opinions about the central banks. I think it's just a lack of real education and then yeah you get caught up in these youtube things that show you a secret and it's very

attractive it's very attractive to like find out about some hidden stuff yeah like oh my god i can't believe they did this they hid from us the fact that the earth is flat jesus christ space is fake bro space is fake satellites aren't real they're low-flying planes they're planes they're that's they're constantly beaming down these information from the sky satellites are not real yeah nuclear bombs they're not real yeah they're not real they're just big bombs but then the problem is when you break your leg and you have to set your bone or you get staff and and you have to trust big pharma to cure it or you use your your iphone and it works and you're talking to somebody in Japan. That's a big one.

The iPhone's the big one. But why is that technology something you trust? Holy that. Your fucking iPhone has a global positioning satellite chip in it. Stop it. It links up with the fucking one that's in the sky and it tells you where you are on the map that's why your google maps works jesus fucking christ i think there are probably only five or six flat earthers no there's a lot yeah there's thousands of them well okay

thousands but that really means only five or six but i think the problem with all of them is that they just got married to the idea and then they're fighting it and if you fight it with someone who doesn't know what they're talking about not that i do know what i'm talking about but if you fight it with like a sean carroll or like a real scientist a real scientist somebody studied yeah they there's so much evidence that the earth is round and no evidence that the earth is flat it's one of those things where it's just like what are you guys doing you're chasing your tail yeah this is crazy i'm too busy i'm way too busy youtube i'm too busy for bigfoot ideas yeah that's definitely and that might have been a real thing right you think so yeah it was a real animal there was a creature yeah there was

a real creature called gigantopithecus it was a real animal it was like eight foot tall bipedal hominid it absolutely existed probably yeah like a giant a giant ape dude if a fucking gorilla didn't exist imagine seeing a gorilla. Right. You'd be like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that thing? Six foot, 600 pounds. Hulking, huge, hairy, black beast with a giant chest and enormous arms and pounds on his chest, runs on all fours, and you're like fucking fangs.

Yeah. And when they fly through the air at each other and clash. That's crazy. And smash into each other and fight. Holy fight holy fuck man if you didn't know that was real i know and you ran into a gorilla you'd be like what the fuck and by the way they didn't know mountain gorillas were even a thing until the early 1900s they were a legend yeah yeah when was the discovery of mountain gorillas don't they think those giant chimps in the congo are a hybrid no they don't anymore because they have dna they they're they're the only chimpanzee species or subspecies i guess you'd say that they found that has a crest on its skull like a gorilla 1902 bro

damn yeah a german explorer captain robert vonering. The mountain gorilla was named the Gorilla Gorilla Beringi in honor of the captain. Wow. Yeah, man. Fuck. Imagine that thing. How about those? That guy who is an anti-poaching agent. He helps protect gorillas from poachers.

And he got them to pose standing up in a selfie. And even better, there's video of him tickling the gorillas and the gorillas laughing laughing like a person dude it's crazy so was there a bigfoot fuck yeah there was a bigfoot yeah it was a real thing that's why there's so many stories about it and it probably died off a hundred thousand years ago or something right you know do gorillas ever eat meat or they're just they're just vegetarians not gorillas no yeah gorillas are we are closer to chimpanzees than chimpanzees are gorillas is that true yeah wow well i i think it's interesting in goma where those groups of male chimps expand their territory they kill

other males and then move their women and children into the area that they annex yeah isn't that crazy vicious they just as groups fall down fall on the smaller you know tribes of of chimps and decimate them they have so many so many similarities to humans yeah so many yeah but these um bondo apes, they call them. This is the giant chimp. They nest on the ground, too, like gorillas. Are they as violent as, they live in large communities like chimps? The locals have two names for chimps over there.

They have one that they call tree beaters. Those are the regular-sized chimps, and the other ones they call lion killers. Damn. They're so big. They've got videos of these things eating a leopard what yeah they don't know if it yeah they're enormous chimps so they don't know if it killed the leopard or if the leopard died and then they're eating it

they don't know but they do know one was eating a fucking leopard so you gotta think yummy kitty cat when they're standing up they're taller than me i'm. When they're standing up, they're taller than me. I'm 5'8". They're six feet tall. You're six feet tall? Yeah. So they're your height. Yeah. Your height, but a chimp and a jack chimp. God.

It's probably 250, 300 pounds. Well, they say they're 400 pounds. The ones in the zoo, they have some in- I don't believe they do. Is it the Kansas City Zoo? No, I don't believe they do. I think they do. No.

They have two giant chimps. If you look at- Yeah, they're just big chimps. Those are just big chimps. They're huge though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They you look at just big chimps those are just big chimps they're huge though yeah they do they've had chimps that are over 200 pounds they've had some enormous chimps but they've never had one of these they live in a very specific area of the congo but they've seen them yes they have video of them they have photographs of them you can see videos and you see camera trap photos they're a real animal it's a really big animal man it's a

really big chimp that's amazing can you imagine seeing a six-foot chimp? No. Dude. No, they eat your face and your genitals. No thanks. Just imagine standing there. You turn a corner, and there's a chimp as tall as you looking at you. Disaster.

Yeah. I have to go low. Have you ever seen? Yeah, you're not going low. No. It doesn't matter. What was that? There was a traveling circus where they had a chimp, and they would muzzle it, and they'd

have any man, the biggest man, just to hold the chimp down for six seconds, or three seconds, and no man was ever able to do it. Of course. This was a 150-pound chimp. Yeah, and you wouldn't even... Even if it was muzzled, man, it could still rip your arms off. What are you doing? Yeah.

You're made out of jello. Have you ever held a... I've held a small one, a baby one. Yeah, I've held a baby one, too. It was still rip your arms off. What are you doing? You're made out of jello. I've held a small one, a baby one. It was playing with my puppy. His back felt like wood. Wood, yeah, like wood. That's a perfect way to describe it. That's exactly how I said it. Like Dan Henderson probably feels. Exactly like Dan Henderson.

He's got to be part chimp. Yeah. But I had a two-year-old once on News Radio. And when we were on the set, the scene actually got cut out. We never wound up using the scene. But there was a guy who was like an animal trainer. And he had a couple different animals with him.

And one was a baby chimp in diapers. And this baby chimp got on my back and beat on my back a couple times. And I was like, what the fuck? It was like you hitting me. I was like, wow! This fucking little tiny thing just wailed on me. They're so strong, dude. Their little bodies are just hard, like corded.

No neck. Take crazy punishment. But that thing in the Congo, man, it's apparently in a very difficult spot to reach. It's very dangerous to go through there. You know, when Justin Wren goes through there, he has some hair-raising stories about being held up at gunpoint. You know, people thought they were going to kill somebody. Yeah. A lot of the people, a lot of the, apparently, a lot of the sort of soldiers and people that committed atrocities from the war in Rwanda,

He's from the war in Rwanda. Kind of in their bands, kind of moved into the Congo and lived in the jungle. Who knows? Justin is a fucking... A lot of crime. Justin Renn is a saint. Yeah, he digs wells. He's a legitimate saint. Yeah.

Really is. Great guy. He's gotten malaria three times. God. Visiting the Congo and building wells. Unbelievable. It's amazing. Yeah, he told us some and building wells. Unbelievable. It's amazing. Yeah, he told us some amazing stories.

Heartbreaking. It's amazing. The Cash App, which is one of my sponsors, also sponsors Fight for the Forgotten. They give $5 every time someone signs up and uses the code Joe Rogan. And they're building wells right now because of that. Really? Yeah. What was the latest number?

I forget what the number was. They sent me an update. Like very early on, they had built two wells and then they built a bunch more and provided water to a shit ton of people down there. I don't know the exact statistics. The guy who wrote Moonwalking with Einstein, what the hell is his name? It's a book about memory and stuff. Really smart guy he lived

with the pygmies in the congo for a long time oh well that's what justin wren's doing yeah and said that they smoke copious amounts of wheat at least the tribes that he lived with is that the book yeah joshua four four really interesting what a name yeah we are four yeah and i said like what is it you know these are people that truly have been almost untouched by western civilization and he's like well no i mean they die of stupid things like you know you get an infection yeah and you just you know you don't have antibiotics well there's a lot of bacteria and parasites and stuff to get stomach parasites from water skin diseases and weird things like that yeah the jungle's not even if you've evolved to live in it, it's not a very, I spent enough

time in the Indonesian rainforest. I've never seen bugs like that in my life. I've never seen anything like it. It's so loud. It sounds like, take the loudest street in Manhattan, and I'm not kidding. That's how loud the insects and birds and everything are. And then you have to carry, bug spray does not work. Did I ever tell you this?

The bug spray, you got to carry a, bug spray does not work. Did I ever tell you this? The bug spray, you got to carry a sulfur coil. Yeah. Good luck with the mosquitoes. Bug spray, they laugh at your fucking, at your bug spray. You got to carry a,

you have to burn a sulfur coil. And you just carry it, hold it while you're walking? At certain times of the day, when you wake up, they just, they're all over the place. What year was this

that you were doing this? God, I was 21. Did they have thermocels back then? I don't think so. Yeah, thermocels are the shit. you ever used a thermos now what is that oh my god they're a fucking game changer really yeah yeah it's um it's a device that has like a heating coil in it and some fuel and you ignite it and the the heating coil it heats up and you put this little pad across the screen. And this little pad has this stuff in it that mosquitoes hate.

It's probably terrible for you. Yeah, I was going to say. Some fucking chemical. But the chemical wafts up in the air, and I'm telling you, it creates like a 10-foot bubble around you where no mosquitoes get in. That's great. Yeah. And look, even if it's a little bad for you, maybe it's like smoking a pack of cigarettes. Yeah.

Better than getting fed on. Yeah, i'm not using it every day i wouldn't recommend using it every day but if it's different between like enjoying like if you're in a place like uh alaska yeah exactly where weren't you what about edmonton up there yes same thing you came back with like oh they look like the pox they'll fuck you up those mosquitoes man yeah they're so aggressive because they're only alive for like three months you know it's so cold up there yeah nature could give a fuck about you nature i love people who are into nature and they and like listen man they don't even know what nature is yeah go try to go exactly go try to raise crops in uh south africa when animals when elephants were all everywhere

yeah and lions and leopards or now yeah. Yeah. Even now, these poor villagers, they're poor and they build these crops and they have this farm and they have all this food for their village and then elephants roam in. 20 elephants go, hey man.

And that's a wrap. Yeah. There's nothing you can do. Get the fuck out of here. They're like, I'll stomp on you. I mean, and then people get mad

when people shoot the elephants. It's like, okay, I get it, but I don't know what you want here. They have a lot of stories about elephants have this mystique in South Africa. There was this guy who was a farmer, and he had a donkey, and it was tied up. And the elephants came into his property, and he shot guns and got him the hell away from there and then uh the next day the

elephants came back and stomped his fucking donkey into mush whoa just stomped the donkey was on a you know rope and they were like really gang gang gang and then of course the other the neighboring farm when the elephants came she she laid out a bunch of food for them. And they spared her her crops. There are all these... Elephants have this mystique, which is all... By the way, maybe the biggest a-holes in the world. Elephants? They hate everybody.

But they were so nice. I was in Thailand. Yeah, there's a Thai elephant, sir. They're different? African elephants. You're not taming an African elephant. Good luck. Most of the elephants you see...

What is this, Jamie? Okay, Jamie's watching like this little buffalo gets up. Oh, my God. Yeah. Elephant came over and rolled it over. Yeah, they don't give a fuck about you. There you go. It looks like he's trying to stab him.

He is. Oh, he does. He's killing. So he's killing a baby? I don't know. That's probably a full-grown buffalo. That's just a giant elephant. Wow, so he's fucking up this buffalo.

They're so dangerous you're gonna look it up yeah elephant stabs and kills buffalo look at jesus christ well that's why they have tusks yeah i mean that there it is you know it's really crazy when lions take a chance wow that was the other video i didn't pull there's three elephants killing a lion that elephant just that is the craziest shit they just just killed them. That's crazy. What's crazy is lions will take a chance on elephants. I know.

Which is just so nuts. They will take a chance to try to kill an elephant. They'll jump on their back. They'll try to jack them. Well, when you go to a game reserve in South Africa,

you can't, it has to be big enough to sustain lions because it's super expensive because they're just, a pride of lions will eat everything. So you got to keep replenishing super expensive because they're just a pride of lions will eat everything. So you got to keep

replenishing the animals because they just, they're just too effective. Well, you know, after that dentist shot Cecil the lion, it became this international outrage.

Yeah. They banned the lion hunting and because of that, people didn't want to go back and they weren't getting the money from it. So they wound up euthanizing like 200 lions.

I know. Because their undulate population was getting devastated. But what made me think when I heard that, I was like, how many lions are they killing? Like how many people are going over there to hunt lions? It brings in good money. How weird is that? A huge part of South Africa is, you know, like part of the conservation efforts are that, you know, big game. You can hunt the big five or whatever they call it.

Yes, that's exactly what they call it. But it's a lot of money. It is a lot of money. And it brings them a lot of money. It brings them a lot of money for conservation and all that stuff. But what a weird activity. Is there an activity that's more human in that we are so conflicted and so weird that the only way we have animals that stay alive in this part of the world, where they're in record populations, is to set it up so you can kill them. Yeah. So we figured out some weird loophole.

We don't want the rhino to die. Hey, we don't want the rhino to die either. So let's let a bunch of them and we kill like one a weekino to die. Hey, we don't want the rhino to die either. So let's go get a bunch of them and we kill like one a week. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if they could get enough rhinos where they could make a case for that,

they would be doing that. I mean, they're doing it with lions. They're doing it with everything. Right. The gazelles. I mean, all the different animals that you would think of, plains animals in Africa,

there are record numbers there. Right. Neil guy. They bring them back to Texas. They're all over Texas now. There's so so many animals there and a lot of those animals were on the verge of extinction but they're there because people kill them like what a fucking yeah it's weird drum it's weird real the bigger issue is is um unbroken uh migratory range yeah and habitat the maasai is one of the few places where they

can roam for thousands of miles but most of africa now is broken up into i think there's an area in cameroon or whatever but most of africa is broken up into i mean in south africa it's all basically with the exception of kruger park it's all abandoned um you know cattle lots and then they just there's money in it so you buy that lot and you just stock it with animals and then you drive around they it's a sustainable ecosystem but it's yeah it's weird you gotta yeah you gotta you still you do have to call the the you know elephant population and lion population when we think about africa right when we say oh elephants are going extinct in africa like africa is so big it's crazy it's so big you've seen the map where they stuff all the

countries inside africa i never that was so shocking to me i know i couldn't believe that so there could be an abundance of them in one area and none in another area it's like saying like they have a black bear problem in New Jersey Which they do Do they? Yeah, they do But that doesn't affect us here In California If people just started shooting black bears You're like, hey man, there's not that many of those

Why are you shooting them? Is this anything with Mountain Lion? Yeah, well, you know one just died A famous one just died Where? I got a text from Ronella out here He ate some rat poison Oh, shit

Yeah, it's a real problem some rat poison. Oh, shit. Yeah. It's a real problem with rat poison, man. Rat poison doesn't just affect rats. Yeah. You know, there's like, there's secondary and- My dog almost died that way. Yeah? And what it does is the rat poison, I think, stops you from producing vitamin K in your

body, which is how you clot blood. Oh. And so they just bleed internally. Oh, Jesus. So my dog ate a shit load of it. And they pumped his stomach, gave him charcoal. And then he had to take vitamin K supplements for a long time. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, the people, they poison the rats, then things eat the rats. You know? Yeah. And this mountain lion is a famous mountain lion. Collared, you you know when they're tracking yeah out here a number yeah ranella texted me about it and then i looked into it

oh you got it there what is which number does it say he is 47 p47 is that the one that they spotted at the not no this one's only three years we were going to get a photo of that right yes yeah let's do that oh yeah we tracked it down yeah what happened it's expensive yeah let's let's do that though all right let me know after the show yeah i was just like well which one you wanted the artist proof whatever we got yeah that detail of it or whatever yeah because that one photo that they caught of it have you seen that photo of the lion with the hollywood sign behind it no it amazing. It's one of the best. Again, it's so fucking human

because this lion has a collar on it. Like it's got bling on. Really? It's standing in front of the Hollywood sign and it's as big as fuck. I love that. It's like a 150-pound mountain lion. Oh, that's amazing.

Look at that photo. That looks staged. It looked staged. By the way, look at the muscles. Look at its forearms. Yeah, that's a ridiculous animal. That's one thing that people don't, I don't think you realize. Like, that's not a svelte

thing like a house cat. That's a lion, sir. They have enormous forearms. Yeah, it's a lion. How much do you think that weighs? Bring down an elk. I bet that's 130 pounds. Yeah, maybe 150. Think about how big that is. That doesn't seem big, but you see a Rottweiler, a police dog, like that's or a german

shepherd 90 pounds yeah good luck yeah good luck and that's an ad add another 60 pounds 40 pounds of that's a big animal man yeah it's such a big animal and they're just wandering around our neighborhoods effective killers i'm having a guy come on who's a mountain lion biologist At a Topanga Canyon Oh really? Yeah and I might actually go And trap one with him How many do they think there are? There's quite a few

This one weighed 150 Wow Damn The one that died Wow 150 That is a big cat Jesus Christ

He's only three years old Jesus Christ Three years old He weighs 150 pounds Just living on deer Yeah Go look around for deer In California

Yeah Good luck Yeah There ain't no deer out here There's so few deer If you're a deer hunter In California You're sad face

All year round You're not looking forward to it And yeah I see a lot of deer in Topanga Yeah you see a few They're drawn to me Oh I feed them

Are you It's my alpha energy They're drawn to me. Oh. I feed them. Are you... It's my alpha energy. They feel safe with me. But do you have a connection with them, do you think? To be honest with you, I run with them.

Have you always been like this? They flank me. They would never go past me. They flank me. And when I do my kung fu in an open field, they surround me and they bow

until I release them. And I go, ha! And then they run. That's my favorite. People that think that they have some sort of special connection Oh, fucking.

My friend's girlfriend, we're all sitting around. My friend's girlfriend, so hot, so hot. It's one of those girls where we're sitting there and she goes,

and I was meditating and I saw a deer and it looked at me and the deer gave me love. And we're all like, I'm just looking at her tits. I was a young dude like, Jesus, she's so hot.

She's so, she's such an estrogen, you know. And my buddy, of course, you know how you have those runs and can't let it go? Just let it go, dude.

Let her have her thing. My buddy goes, what? Gave you love? Explain that shit to me. Explain why you get all biological well you know what you're close-minded and you're not intuitive i'm really intuitive and it became that intuitive it's my favorite thing yeah i love that shit but those people that claim they have some special

connection with animals like animals just recognize who i am they know my nature you know kind of schooled me megan fox i was doing a movie with her and and i assumed she started talking about signs and i was making fun of like psychics and signs and all and megan goes well um maybe you ever think that maybe you're a little close-minded and i go no i'm not scientific minded and no i'm not and i think all psychics are liars and i think astrology is bullshit but then like megan literally went into her knowledge of science and geology and everything else and i was like oh you're a fucking oh oh wait you're a really hot intellectual and you know a shitload and i made a judgment on you it was very it was actually embarrassing isn't that interesting like you

would automatically make a judgment on someone who's hot? Like, oh, your life's been easy as fuck. Right. And she's not like that. Like a judgment that you would make on the son of a rich man. Correct. Like if someone grew up and is in the family business and his father was a very successful man, but he's taking over the family business, you would assume this guy's a bitch. Yep.

Right? Yep. Most of the time. Most of the time. Most of the time. You're wrong so often, though. Yes. It's such a bad bet. Yeah.

Because if a great man has a son, most likely he's going to teach that son some cool shit, and the son's going to have to live up to a certain standard. Right. Well, that was the thing with Megan. I would notice after I had that interaction with her. I've known her a little bit because I know her husband really well. And then I noticed that every with her. I've known her a little bit because I know her husband really well. And then I noticed

that every time we wouldn't be shooting, she'd be reading a book of substance. That's what she does when she's not on set. So I was like, all right. Meanwhile, what are you doing? You're laying an iPhone next to your head. What am I doing?

Another iPhone next to the other side of your head and you're having these weird conversations on video. That's my favorite thing you do. I got to start doing that again. Do it. Those are so funny, man. I do that or I talk to the stuntmen and ask them how much they can bench.

No way you're a Navy SEAL? So when you shoot... The problem with that is it invariably ends up someone pulling out mats and then you start rolling. I had Pauline Malignaggi. He was at my gym and then he kind of knew.

He goes, wait a minute. I just figured out who the fuck you are. You're the guy from the hangaggi. He was at my gym. And then he kind of knew. He goes, wait a minute. I just figured out who the fuck you are. You're the guy from the hangover. He's freaking out. So I take that opportunity to ask him. I'm just asking him some boxing questions. Next thing I know, he's giving me a boxing lesson. How fucking cool is that?

That is cool. Pauline Malignaggi. Yes, it was three days ago. Is he really going to do that bare knuckle boxer against Artem Lomov? Sure is. Yeah, and he's taking it personally. Yeah, but man, you don't want to break your hands. You don't want to get your face cut up.

Is he done fighting? Like boxing boxing? He's like 36, right? All I know is he looked like he was in shape. He was giving people pointers. He's very... He seems... I listen to him a lot on Showtime and stuff.

He's cerebral as hell. I mean, he knows the game, man. He's a very smart guy. Wow. He doesn't get hit a lot. No. Yeah. And you think about a boxer that can talk as well as he can.

Oh, unbelievable. As articulate as he is. Yeah. I mean, if you watch the way he fights, like watch his fights with Adrian Broner. He knew how to figure out the puzzle that's Broner's hand speed and power punching. And he punches in volume. He's always in great shape. He was showing me patterns, like just basic things.

I was like, damn. I really want to see the actual sparring match between him and Conor. Because all the UFC released is Conor cracking him. I know. It's a long one. It had to be. There had to be some fun moments in that. Yeah.

Also, I think apparently Paulie got off a plane. And then he wasn't even working out that much. He thought he was going to train with them. Yeah. He didn't know. We're going six rounds or something. And he's like, what? And they film it.

Yeah. And then they use it as a promo. Right. Look, people are ruthless, bro. The idea that they weren't going to use that is more ridiculous. Come on. Who are you? You don't understand

how this business works but he's they're promoting a they're promoting a he's a brooklyn kid he's a smart guy listen they're promoting a fight that is going to generate hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue you think that they're going to spare your sensibilities they're going to spare your feelings and not show edited versions of you getting popped but my problem is I have a problem with that all across the board because I feel like when common decency

fair play a contract I'm coming out to help you out and what you're going to do is use me go fuck yourself I believe they paid him Like, it's not. I believe you paid him. I understand.

I understand it's a business. I believe they paid him. I'm sure they did. I believe he signed paperwork over. I'm sure they did. But that's a sneaky move. It's fuck yeah, it's sneaky. And I have a problem with it.

Fuck yeah, it's sneaky. In general, I just don't like justifying anything because it's going to be good promotion. I'm always uneasy. You know how people say, hey, man, bad press, but you're talking about him. don't like justifying anything because it's going to be good promotion. I'm always uneasy. You know how people say, hey, man, bad press, but you're talking about him. Yeah, but fuck off. I completely agree with you. However, to play devil's advocate, if I'm Mr. Businessman, Mr. Moneybags,

that shit just went in one ear and out the other. I don't know what you're talking about. That's a video of some shit that actually happened. Do you hate the truth? Because if you hate the truth, I can understand why you would want to show in that video. But Conor did drop him. He didn't hit him with a left hand. And it's going to be a great fight. Conor McGregor versus Floyd Mayweather.

And ironically, might have been good for Pauly in terms of it creating this fight with Art. You're talking about him. Although I think Pauly Malignaggi stands on his own, not only as a boxer, but as an announcer. Yeah, I mean, he's got a real name. And he's an excellent boxer. He's probably one of the better commentators in the game, if not the best. Oh, yeah. Very, very good.

100%. Yeah. Him and Andre Ward. Andre Ward's probably my favorite. And Roy Jones Jr. Roy Jones Jr. is outstanding at it, too. Yeah, he is. Yeah.

Andre Ward, just like... He's a brilliant, brilliant guy. Brilliant guy. Just watching him, like, figure out Kovalev, too. Right, especially in the second fight. Unbelievable. Yeah. And the fact that he dropped Kovalev with a body shot.

And Kovalev said they didn't give him a chance, that they just stopped the fight. But it didn't look like he wanted to keep going. I felt like that way with Amir Khan. People are like, oh, listen, man. Amir Khan. People were like, listen, Amir Khan has nothing to prove. He has an amazing record. He's fighting a genius

in Crawford and probably, and there's no shame in this, he was supposed to fight Kell Brooks and he kind of went, you know what? This guy is,

time is on his side and he's kind of figured this out. He's bigger, and he's going to kidnap. He's going to hit me and maybe hurt me here. I don't feel like doing this anymore. If that was the case, I forgive him for everything. I thought it was a smart decision. Maybe he was really hurt.

He's a warrior. I'm not saying he's not. The Kell Brook fight would have actually got Amir Khan more money. It was actually a more valuable fight. Yeah, he wanted to test himself. And he decided to take the fight against Crawford. He's a real fighter. If Crawford's not the best pound-for-pound fighter on earth, he's number two.

He's one or two. I want to see him with Earl Spence. Well, Earl Spence is fantastic, too, but I think the argument of pound-for-pound is Lomachenko and him. That's the argument. Those two guys are number one. Yeah. Who do you think is number one? I mean, I think the argument...

You're talking about Spence or you're talking about Crawford? Crawford. Crawford and Lomachenko. I don't think Crawford's fought enough competition. Like, when he fights Earl Spence, I think that Lomachenko has probably had more fights than you can really get into this conversation. But he hasn't.

He beats everybody, though. But he's had less fights. Has he had less fights? He won the world title with like four fights. Yeah. Or was it, how many fights? It was like something ridiculous like that. I mean, he fought a world-class fighter his first time out.

When I saw him fight Jorge, what was that? Amazing Mexican fighter. Or somewhere like that. Who was the guy he fought? Pull up his record here. He's 13-1 and Crawford's 35-0. Yeah. Wow.

Big difference. But boxing's tricky that way, right? So what's the level of competition? Do they bring you up slow? Well, the difference is Lomachenko had an extensive amateur background internationally, but so did Crawford. Crawford had a great amateur background too.

Look, Crawford, the difference is Crawford's way bigger. That's the difference. If they were the same size, it would be really interesting to see what would happen. But Crawford's a lot bigger than him.

He would, I mean, it's not a good fight. It's just... But to watch him take Rigondeaux and all these amazing fighters.

Rigondeaux. Rigondeaux? I thought it was Rigondeaux. I don't think so. Rigondeaux? The way it's pronounced in French is Rigondeaux. don't think so Rigando The way he pronounces it in French Is Rigando Rigando

Rigando Rigando But yeah He dismantles people His footwork is unparalleled But Terrence Crawford Man First of all

He's probably the best switch hitter Ever Next to Marvin Hagler He might be better Yeah I mean it's hard to say I know He can fight

How do you game plan for that? How do you do it? He fights so good Orthodox And then so good southpaw but to watch linares that's a jorge linares i think is a sick fighter and to watch him he knocked lomacheco down but then again like this guy figures you out he just he goes i know what you're doing now yeah and then you're done well so does crawford yeah i mean the the best i mean that was anderson silva in his prime too he would just figure out your timing yeah figure out what you do how you enter where the gaps are where the holes are okay i see the key to the castle let's rock right and then somewhere around

the end of the first round anderson would start switching stances on you and fucking doing some bruce lee moves and the next thing you know he's got his foot in your face yeah that's right he just figures you out that's exactly right these guys are just the the really elite of the elite fighters they're just the best at solving the little riddle that is what your skills are now how do you solve the riddle that is khabib nergam that's a different riddle yeah because that motherfucker's not on the outside boxing you and he's connor connor for a while connor for a while you know he's going to take you down but what it looked like connor for a while was isolating he had two hands on that wrist he was stopping him for a long time from closing his his hands and and that seemed kind of effective

for a while i mean good luck it's a long road that's's like saying you're running a marathon. Hey, you know, he beat me in the marathon, but for the first 100 yards, I was way ahead. I know. That's what it's like saying. It doesn't matter. Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But this is a five-round fight. Like, okay, you're keeping me from grabbing my hands for now.

Are your hands tired yet? Yeah. How are your forearms? No, I'm going to take you down. I'm taking you down. He's just going to keep going. He's going to take you down. That guy's so relentless and the skill level

and the endurance level he has to pursue that pace for five rounds. I don't think I even appreciate it. I mean, I can intellectualize it and I can describe it, but I think when you're in there with him, like when he fought Edson Barboza and he had Edson Barboza

up against Cage. Come on, buddy. It's mine. Give up. Edson has this... No, that was against Michael Johnson. Edson Barboza and he had Edson Barboza up against Cage. Come on, buddy. It's mine. Give up. Edson has this. No, that was against Michael Johnson. Edson has this thousand yard stare where he's getting mauled. It's just like he's like breathing. He's like, oh, fuck. Like this is a different kind of human being. Those Russians are.

That's a different kind of human being. The Dagestanis. They grow up fighting. From his time he's a baby. He's a savage. Well, that culture. They suffered a great fighting. He's a baby. He's a savage. Well, that culture, they suffered a great deal. That's the look. He's like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck did I sign up for?

Just getting mauled. And I love Khabib. Looks like his legs, his body looks like a guy you see at the pool. Kind of works out maybe a little. It just doesn't. He looks pretty fit. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No, that guy looks fit. Barbosa's really know what the fuck you're talking about. No.

That guy looks fit. Barbosa is really muscular. Khabib's jacked, man. What are you talking about? Not really. He just isn't. Show a photo of Khabib making a most muscular pose or something. He's fucking pretty jacked.

He's just not, though. He's just a freak. No, not compared to a lot of dudes. Yeah, go down there. Look at that. You know, because he's. Dude, what are you talking about? He's jacked.

But not, you know... He looks like a really strong grappler. He's got a full fucking eight pack. We know he is, but really... Look at him like... Shut your mouth. Hey, it looks pretty good there. Shut your dirty, lie-spilling mouth.

He's pretty good there. What about that one right there? How about that one? Cut the shit, bro. I mean, it's not... You're a Moscow... You look like that when you were in Twitter.

I'm on TRT. Yeah, but when you were younger, that's what you looked like. It's basically the same. If I was in there, you would call it steroids. You were always like that.

Yeah, I was always like that. Yeah, when I was young, I was like that, too. You might have been more muscular, actually, when I first met you than that. I didn't even take vitamins.

No, you were just jacked. I remember. First time I was on MADtv, you were jacked out of your mind. Yeah. And it was just because you lifted weights. Well, that was when i was just getting into jujitsu so i really started lifting weights heavy because i was tired of getting mauled yeah so i really got into lifting well i was like i am weak i'm like yeah because i'm used to striking striking is so different than grappling different in terms of the demands on your muscles

and your fatigue yeah it's so but and it works the other way too because I remember I hadn't done any striking at all in like a year. Like I had done none, zero, just jujitsu. And then my friend Jamie and I started doing,

Jamie is a trainer and we were doing this training session and he had me hit mitts too. And like just hitting mitts for like a couple minutes I was gassed out. I was like, how is this possible?

I was like, I roll all the time. I'm in good shape right now sparring's that way when you we get guys who are triathletes or whatever they come in and uh wayne mcculloch shout out to the great wayne mcculloch my trainer i love um i love that guy he's the best i fucking that's one of my favorite people in the world like whenever i see him all is right in the world. He's just a humble man, silver medalist in the Olympics, world champion. And nobody asks him questions in the gym. It's like, you have this gold mine,

this guy here who's, who beat Morales, who fought Prince Nassim to the distance and nobody knows it. And he never tells anybody. And I'll see these guys hitting and I'm like, Wayne, why don't you tell them? And he goes,

they don't ask me. I don't, I don't bother them. He's just the most humble dude in the world. Like, it drives me fucking nuts. But long,

but anyway, we'll get like triathletes, people who are in really good shape. But if you, if you're sparring and you're afraid to get hit, you stop breathing. And so in three minutes,

in two minutes, I don't care how good a shape you're in. The minute you get punched once, you're like, yeah, it took me literally, it probably took me three years to get over that in a way because i have no confidence as a boxer and i shouldn't

why are you getting punched in the head what is going on with you i'm not getting punched hard how hard i mean sometimes there's a my buddy chris from boston is a giant and he'll by accident sometimes you know you get connected and stuff but now you know you learn how to kind of keep your hands up. But you're getting older. Are you worried about that? I'm insecure, bro. But are you worried about your brain getting rattled?

I was a little cloudy. I stopped for a little while. Really? Yeah. So you're getting cloudy from getting hit? I don't know. I said to Brendan, I said, you know, he has no time for this shit. He gets so mad at me.

He just goes, you're older. What are you doing? Oh, you're getting a little cloudy. Yeah, that's right. That's what happens. So keep that shit up, man. He storms off.

Yeah. Well, he, he came to the realization, you know, he ducked, he ducked. Yeah.

He was, oh, I don't know. He was sparring with fucking Shane Carlin and Nate Marquardt and all those guys and, and throwing up after, after his training sessions and he played football forever. I'll be all right. Yeah.

Well, he quit though at the right time. Yes, he football forever. I'll be alright. Yeah. I'll be alright. He quit though. At the right time. Yes he did. He really did. Yes he did. I mean he's fine. Yes.

He made it out at the right time. Yeah I'm so invested in him. Like he's my brother. So whenever he talks about CRT. I'm like CTA. I'm like no you're okay. Don't worry about it. He goes you're a doctor?

I go you're fine. I promise. It's not going to happen. I don't like to think about it. Well I mean he's. He's honest. If he wasn't doing good. He'd, you a doctor? I go, you're fine. I promise it's not going to happen. I don't like to think about it. Well, I mean, he's honest. If he wasn't doing good, he'd tell you. If he wasn't feeling good, he'd tell you. That's very true.

I think everybody needs someone who they trust implicitly that can pull the cord on them and to tell them, hey, man, you got to stop getting hit. Yes. And for young fighters, man, it is such a hard decision to make. I've talked to several guys who have to tell their fighter, several trainers that have to tell their fighters to retire, and it's never easy. It's never easy.

Because of your whole identity. The fighter will leave and go with a different trainer and be successful. And in this one case, the trainer was like, I wish him well. I mean, I'm sure he can still beat guys. That's not the problem. The problem is he's showing some obvious signs of deterioration mentally, neurologically, the way he moves, the way he talks. And a person who cares about you is going to go, okay, we had a lot of fun.

It was a great run. You're fine right now. Like you can talk and we can treat whatever problems come up. Apparently CBD is fantastic for that. I've heard. For a lot of people with brain issues and a lot of, you know, inflammation issues because of trauma. There's a lot of stuff they do.

I don't know. That magnetic stuff that Pat Zingano did. Right. They're doing down in San Diego on soldiers where they put electrodes to your brain. I know a guy who's doing that right now. A SEAL guy. Yeah. But I don't think I've ever met a fighter who is retired who doesn't still feel like

they could fight for the belt. Oh, yeah. They all want to come back. Even Chuck Liddell, when he did Fighter and Kid, was like, I'd like to throw my hat in there against Jon Jones. I'm a pretty good wrestler. He was already 48. Yeah.

But you never lose that. Part of what makes you a great fighter and a killer is that sort of love of the game. If you ask Paulie Malignaggi right now, I guarantee, I guarantee, if you were like, could you fight for a title right now? He goes, I'd put my hat in there. Yeah. Fighters are like that. Of course. That's why they're, I mean, that's why they become successful in the first place if you think about how you are when you first start out even if you're like real athletic

you're fucking terrible you know you're hitting the bag your feet are off even if you hit it hard like you're doing something wrong you're clumsy you're wide open afterwards there's something that someone who's really good will expose and then eventually you learn skills and as you learn skills you see those holes you tighten all those holes up. And then you become far better than you were. But the only reason why you can do that is because you think you're a bad motherfucker from the jump. Right. You hit that bag hard and you're like, yeah, I'm going to fuck everybody up.

And you start believing that. Yeah. And then as you get skills, you're like, Jesus, I'm glad I didn't get into a real fight with a real fighter early on. Because that is one of the most insidious things that trainers do. They'll throw their fighter to the wolves. Like they'll set their fighter up with some young up-and-coming phenom who's just smashing people, and it's hard to get them fights, and they'll get this guy to fight them.

You know, because there's a few guys that will just fight anybody. Oh, my God. And they've only been doing it for like a year. You're going to take that fight against these guys, 16-0. Look, I'm sure the Diaz brothers, when they went into Andre Ward's camp in Oakland, they were banging. And I'm sure from day one. Because I was talking to Nate Diaz.

I was like, but you guys go light. He goes, no, we bang. They bang. Yeah. I talked to Joe Schilling about that the first time he ever met Nick. And he's talking to Nick's friend. Nick's like, okay, you got a cup? got your mouth and and joe said to nick's friend he goes are we fighting he goes yeah he goes all right we're just fighting he just knew like this

is gonna be fighting this is not it's like are we sparring are we fighting yeah and they they went out fighting you can really i think as you get better and better at it it probably becomes addictive and it's just for sure because every time i go in there and I go, I'm not going to spar, but then there's somebody. And then you say, well, just move around. Yeah. But then. Well, they're also testing each other too, right? Yeah.

Like Nick is a world-class fighter. Joe Schilling's a world champion kickboxer. That's a whole different level. So striking's evil. Joe Schilling has evil striking. Yeah. He fucks people up. Just to be standing next to him too he's

also just big long and athletic he's just like oh god he's doing very well in mma now is he really that nasty fucking ground and pound in his last fight man really when you got a guy that that good at slashing people with elbows and and punching people and you get him on top of you yeah their ground and pound is on another level you know because they can generate serious power and short distances like a lot of grapplers have a hard time with like do you remember when crow cop got on top of gonzaga and and opened his face up with an elbow it was horrific but it was inside the guard yeah like you're a real good striker a short amount of distance you boom brendan said that's the strongest guy he's ever pro cop yeah strong motherfucker man powerful those ridiculous legs yeah those those legs that

belong on a fucking elephant elefante you know oh so going back to this asteroid impact i'm sorry there's a layer somewhere around 66 million years ago that indicates that the Earth got hit by an asteroid. That's what I mean. Didn't I say that? Yeah. I think it's – the layer is high in iridium, I think. And iridium has – it's very rare on Earth but very common in space. And there's a bunch of other indications that that's the time that it hit. But what they're saying in the Radiolab one is that the current state of understanding

is that the dinosaurs and basically most things died within the first couple hours. Like all the dinosaurs. They were all dead. And apparently their bones or their fossils are in that iridium layer a lot of times, right? I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, they found a lot of... They find them before too, right?

They just don't find any after. It's crazy. And they think, yeah, they think that their blood boiled in their body they think it got so hot that during the few hours it got to like 700 a thousand degrees 1200 degrees it just got insanely hot dude we're trying to get better at stand up and stay in shape now i gotta worry about fucking that's a full-time job raise my kids that's what we really should be thinking about not just how bad we're fucking the earth up but how bad something could fuck the earth up from the sky yeah that's what we really should be paying attention to instead of paying attention to so many nonsensical things that people concentrate on there's a real chance that we could get hit

in our lifetime with something that ends civilization like that yeah 100 can happen yep yeah i had graham hancock on last week and we were going over his new book this book um where is it isn't it right here jimmy it's right there it's fucking it's excellent and graham was talking about it's called america before it's the evidence of um civilizations in in the americas in north america particularly in the amazon that they think that there was millions of people living in the americas in north america's particularly in the amazon that they think that there was millions of people living in the amazon but when the european explorers came over here they gave them smallpox and wiped out everyone yeah and they came back hundreds of years later

and there was nothing yeah like the the entire civilization didn't they didn't they i think i feel like in 1492 or whatever there was a i think when when the Spanish came up through the Mississippi Delta, the same thing. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. They wiped out 90. A lot of people think that the genocide of the Native Americans was just European soldiers and people and settlers killing Native Americans, which did happen. Yeah, but it was also influenza. 90% of them were killed by disease.

Yeah. 90%. The entire population was devastated. Well, they even had certain government policies where they're like, you missionaries are going out there and trying to convert them to Christianity. You're giving them your diseases. They knew that back then?

They knew that. They were like, they're getting sick and they're dying of, you know, all of a sudden they were like, we're getting these colds and people are dying they didn't have any resistance to it

isn't that crazy that those dirty Europeans with their shit water chutes outside their house and fucking vermin running around that was war of the worlds remember war of the worlds the movie how'd they die they weren't ready for pathogens that's my whole philosophy on we all try to be

tough one of the things about all of us as men or anybody is we hate to be vulnerable. So I train and I stay in shape. I eat well and I want to live forever. I don't think there's any such thing as – I don't think – you can be really ready for a situation in a bar, I guess. And then you get bit by a tick or you get a flesh-eating disease yeah and you die sure so i don't know if there's any way to get yourself well i mean you can protect yourself but you are ultimately very vulnerable but then what this radio lab was freaking me out about was that there's so many of those things floating around the sky i mean

this is what graham talked about in not just this book but in previous books that they think that something slammed into the earth somewhere in the past that ended the ice age probably wiped out a giant chunk of the large megafauna on north america it led to the almost instantaneous extinction of so many different animals and so it goes, and so it goes. And it can happen again. There could be a super volcano. There's all kinds of things like that. All these fucking things.

It really makes you wonder. What if an asteroid was going to hit Denver? NASA was practicing that this week. Damn. They've done this before. They've had a practice run using a bunch of the different- Here's a practice run. Get in a boat, go to Australia.

Exactly. I have to go pee. Go pee. Just hold my thing. You got to go to Australia. Talk about me being in Miami. I'll talk about you. You're beautiful.

Yeah. May 9th, 10th, 11th at the Improv. Are you doing comedy there? Yeah. And then Orlando. Talk about complicated. Okay. Promote me.

Okay. Brian Callen is going to be in Miami at the Improv. And talk about Orlando. And in Orlando. If you go to briancallen.com, it'll have all that stuff. I just ran across this too too, on the screen, on Twitter. What happened to that dude's head? Yeah, man.

Oh, my God. Having an affair with a woman and her husband came home early, tried to escape through the window, but ended up falling on a metal beam. Oh, my God. It went through his head. How did they get the beam off? They had to saw the beam off? Probably, yeah.

Holy shit, bro. I just saw the picture. I was like, what the fuck is that? Holy shit. He's trying to find an end. Oh, my God. He's alive. Yeah.

And then there's pictures of this happening in the past, too. Jesus Christ. That guy had one eye because of it. Oh, my God. It went through his head. Yeah, it's weird how people survive from injuries. Basically a lobotomy, yeah. When they stopped doing those, we haven't really talked about it too much,

but I remember looking it up. They just would dig a hole right through your eye and scramble your brain with a piece of metal. And they did that because you were just too annoying? Yeah, I don't know why. People were crazy They would just do it They were doing them up until like 19

In the 1900s I know I don't know if it stopped like the 50s or 40s The exact time but What do you think they're doing now? Besides circumcision That people are going to look back on like that And go what the fuck were they thinking? What do you think they're doing now?

I don't know It's just we keep learning different strategies to fix stuff. Yeah, that's true. But the lobotomy is not even a strategy to fix stuff. It's like chaos. It worked, though, in some cases. Did it? It must have.

Had to have. But maybe it stopped them from being super violent or something. Controlling people would probably be enough. Bullets. I don't know. Bullets. I mean, I don't know. Why do they give someone a lobotomy What's the chief reason

For giving someone a lobotomy What would you guess Psychosis They didn't have an answer probably for pharmaceuticals Back then so they just said Scramble the brain somehow It's fucked up to me that your brain would still work It's a neurological treatment of a mental disorder

that involves severing the connections between the brain's prefrontal cortex. You made it too big. Lobotomy? Most of the connections to and from the prefrontal cortex and the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain are severed.

What did they do that for, Brian? Because when you had a personality that was, when you were crazy, they would take out the part of your brain, I guess, that was reactive and that gave you essentially a personality. So when you were lobotomized, you were really kind of a normal person.

Have you ever seen the movie Francis? They gave her a lobotomy. Wow, look at this kid they lobotomized a little kid they did it to a little kid yeah horrifying why they do it to that little kid scramble your brain terrible oh my god remember if i remember right there was one guy he was doing up to like 70 a day or something like that that's like three an hour yeah that's all day long i think lamont would help you they'd say you know i'm reading uh uh that this guy david epstein look at that holy shit but there were people who you know they had electric shock therapy and they were

they were crazy and they would try all these things catatonic schizophrenia she says she has yeah just look at her smiling 16 months later they would try these things so before and after like 16 so it worked the lobotomy worked she was just smiling everywhere

yeah but she would smile if she saw a baby get run over by a car she would smile she saw a house catch on fire yeah Jesus Christ

I'm reading this book on the brain sort of like that guy David Epstein who wrote he wrote The Sports Gene, where he found the fastest people in the world,

tiny part of Africa, the people that run the farthest, which is the highlands of Kenya. Really fascinating book. He's a Sports Illustrated writer. And then there's a new book coming out called Range, and it's about how when you teach a kid or when you learn a lot of different disciplines. So if you're some of the best violinists, some of the best athletes, whatever, they didn't specialize.

It's probably a bad idea to specialize from a very early age. The exception is like Tiger Woods. He compares Tiger Woods and Roger Federer. Tiger Woods was raised to be a golfer from the age of two. His dad was already having him, he was watching, having him watch how he swings and everything. And Roger Federer, greatest tennis player ever, was playing into music, playing soccer, playing anything with a ball, and didn't really get into tennis, didn't really find his love of tennis until he was in his teens. And a lot of musicians, great musicians who are

innovative, so whether it's Duke Ellington or whatever, the great ones who make original music, a lot of them are self-taught and a lot of them played a lot of instruments until they started to focus on that one instrument that spoke to them. And he uses all these different examples of how generalizing and doing a lot of different things informs, it essentially informs your ability to become really good at one thing when you finally decide to do that. And it's a really kind of cool book because a lot of parents are specializing. A lot of parents are like, you're going to play baseball? That's what we're going to play.

Camp and everything else, we're just going to practice that. Bad idea. Bad idea according to this with the exception of very few skills like golf. But everything else is you want to really expose your kid to a wide variety of things because for whatever it does with those that, you know, all the neurons and stuff, you're able to get better at something when you're practicing another thing well that makes sense to me it also makes sense to me that you'd want to get your kid exposed to a lot of things to find out what they actually

enjoy because sometimes you enjoy something and you go oh but i don't enjoy it as much as this you find some new thing like that's even better i'm sure you went through things like that i did but a lot of parents like a lot of uh he was talking about tiger moms they'll say you have a choice, but you're playing the violin and you're playing the piano, and you're not playing any other instrument we're going to get better at that the problem is it stifles innovation you become really pedantic and good at following instructions

but you're not going to be very innovative you'll be really technically good you also want to be naughty like Yo-Yo Ma he tried a bunch of different instruments until he finally said, I'm going to play this you want to be naughty and you want to do weird shit. Like Yo-Yo Ma, he tried a bunch of different instruments until he finally said, I'm going to play this. Yeah, you want to be naughty. You want to fight it.

Yeah. You want to fight mommy. Yeah. And you probably have some weird mommy porn in your bookmarks. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. There's amazing amounts of stepmom porn. Really?

It's all stepmoms. Well, pornhub mom. It's like, your father's going to be so mad at you. all stepmoms well porn hub mom your father's gonna be so mad at you well mom mom or a derivative of mom is i think the second most typed in word in a porn hub what's number one sister youth young porn too tits something saw something to do with young but but mom is another thing. Granny porn is huge in Kenya and the UK. Do you know why, they think? Because you're raised by an older lady or an older man. You're headmaster.

They're in a position of authority. And as you're coming to... Well, as you're coming to and you're formulating your point of view of the world and making sense of the world, you tend to sexualize whatever's in front of you. I guess that makes sense. You imprint. So gilfs and, you know, that's kind of hot shit.

Yeah, grandmas I'd like to fuck. What kind of world are we living in? My friend's wife. He catches her watching Grandma porn? Gray old men banging gals. She's into the gray.

She's into old dudes. She's into old guys. Like real old? Like dinosaur? Your body looks like warm cheese. Whoa. You understand? Why would they like that?

I don't, it's, who the fuck knows? That is a weird thing though that you hear that some women like, like really old guys. You don't hear that from women, or from men rather.

Yeah. What does it say? I don't know. The world's newest photos of guilt. And this is. Yeah. I bet she was hot as fuck back in the 80s. 100%.

Yeah, what are you going to do? Listen, man. Old hoes, they're just hoes that got old. Look at that one. I had a friend from Uruguay who was super macho. You didn't show that on the screen, did you? Let me see that. You son of a bitch.

Who was that? No, don't. Poor lady. It's grandma with the ridiculous fake boobs. screen did you miss it quick you son of a bitch who was that some no don't don't poor lady it's grandma with the ridiculous fake boobs yeah my friend uh my friend he was he was from uruguay super macho and he was like he didn't have a lot of money and he had like he was kind of a gigolo he was having sex with this woman she's old she's very old i said uh i go what she look like when she's naked it's a disaster disaster i can't look to her when she go to the bathroom i have to look you know over here because yes

it has to be no light because it's a disaster why is he doing that but he goes he goes bye you know when she looks at me you know when she's you know she sees me i come like this you know i'm young she's you know she sees me i come like this you know i'm young the eyes her eyes did make me hard i'll never forget this i was like well some people are really into people being really into them yes he just wants to be admired i've known some women like that who are into dating trolls i mean trolls because they've never had a woman like that. And they're like, the fuck. And they're just,

my sister had a friend like that. Her friend was only into guys that she knew she could do better. Oh, it's fantastic. She wanted, she wanted them to worship her. Well, there's a,

there's a, apparently there's a psychology where a lot of men will overfeed their wives and get them super fat so that they don't step out on them. Oh, jeez. There's a lot of those subconscious behaviors that go on. God, why are people so goddamn crazy? I don't know. Trauma. You know that Carl Jung?

Is it the Carl Jung fucking line that says, that which we don't work out in our subconscious we will act out as fate in our lives how about that because you will relive patterns you'll relive trauma you will relive these patterns yeah and you'll do it on your own terms and you'll wonder why you keep why do you keep dating the same person why do you keep falling into the same problem why after two years does this go bad what what is that well there's a way to actually creatively at least sit with that and observe it and be aware of it that's what therapy does yeah it goes you make the unconscious conscious that will direct your life and you will call it fate what a great quote wow until you make the unconscious conscious yeah i mean there's a lot

of fucking strings pulling on you it will direct your life and you will call it fate. Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people. Yeah. Ooh. Well, that's what Nietzsche, that's why I like Nietzsche. Nietzsche's idea was like, look, man, you can have these false models of life, which is a lot of times, life is a bitch, right? And you're not going gonna be able to compete or

you don't want it so what you'll do is you'll go it's okay meek will inherit the earth that's all right i'll you have money but is he happy is he happy you know there's a lot we make all of us do this we make excuses to not live our best life and he was like nah live dangerously and uh try to be the best you can be just work your ass off and you have to die, if you have to take risks and die, leave a good looking corpse. It's the idea of turning your life into a fucking circus. Do you think the meek will inherit the earth? Do you think if that was a prophecy,

that they would be talking about technologists, they would be talking about the people that run Twitter and Google and Facebook and the internet tech people, which is, if you think about the amount of money that Facebook has, the amount of money that YouTube has, these enormously influential tech companies, even Amazon, right? Yeah. Who are they?

Who are they? These are nerds. They're nerds, but they're very aggressive nerds, and they're very thoughtful nerds, and they're very competitive nerd i don't consider them the meek i think i think who's the meek so i think the meek the philosophy behind that and i and i and i think the united states also works on this premise in a sense is the the american dream so what keeps the masses from rising up and taking the money from people who the have-nots from taking money from the haves and especially when the haves you know are rather slim in number in comparison to

the large portion of the population that has say that's 500 in the bank well what's great about the united states what's always worked about the united states the reason we don't have these the french revolution in this country is because the American dream is about potential. There is a potential. I may not have money now, but I may, and I will, because I know I will, because I'm an optimist. I will be in the 1% eventually. I got an idea, bro. I'm telling you, it's a great idea. And people need that hope. You take that hope away you take the ability you take the idea that there's no way i can ever esteem out of my condition you better be careful that's what that's the potential the potential to be better the potential

to be wealthier that think about how all of us a lot of us as we're as we get older you think that's what the meek will inherit the earth meant? I think it's in that area. I think it meant that people that aren't creating war was probably the people that were left over. No, I think it's a way. So everyone's going to hack each other to pieces. No, I think it's a way of getting people to at least live with the fact that I'm a serf,

I'm a peasant, I have no way to esteem out of my condition, but at least I have the afterlife. At least I know that if I live and I suffer well, and I suffer quietly and I suffer with dignity, there will be a reward after this. What is the conventional definition or the conventional meaning to that statement? The meek will inherit the earth. How do scholars interpret that? Well, religious.

Right, right, right. But I what are how do scholars interpret that well religious right right right but i mean how do they how do they interpret that like what what is i think it's in the same vein as it's harder for a camel to pass through the an eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven right so so you know that the famous story where where that's a christ said if you want to follow me to the rich guy he said give up all your money and the rich guy turned hung his head and walked away and he said poor guy it's so hard for the for the rich to get to give up their life of privilege it's very difficult do you think jesus was a real person historically i think there was probably a rabbi named jesus of nazareth that's what that's what that seems to be the conclusion among a lot of historians and he was a radical rab he was a radical man because he simplified Judaism. He was simplifying Judaism to say,

look, you know, you could follow the book of Leviticus and all the rituals it takes to become a good Jew, which is there's a certain way to quarter a calf and there's a certain way, certain things you can't eat and you have to bathe and you have to do all these rituals. And he said, way too complicated. We're never going to spread the word this way. He said, just make it simple.

Do what Rabbi Hillel said in the Old Testament. Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you, and hold only one God as your God, the Father, so that we're all— The idea of a monolithic God is that there's one Father, we're all brothers and sisters. That way, we're all of the same moral worth. That way, I can't judge you. That way, I don't know what you're worth. Only God does. I don't know. I don't know what your value is. You're a human being. I can't quantify that. I think that's a beautiful thing. I think we all benefit from that religious and that Judeo-Christian idea, whether we know it or not. And if you want to replace that, my only issue with atheists is if you want to try to replace that irrational idea,

that irrational idea that we're all the same moral worth, because you can't prove it, mathematically or biologically. But what are you going to replace that with? Rationality? You want to try it? You want to run a society on rationality? They can't do that. Well, that's the most dangerous idea in the world. It's still the most dangerous idea in the world because ethics have to be predicated.

There's got to be bedrock that you can warrant. The most dangerous idea in the world. Well, because let me give you an example. It's very rational, mathematically, to suggest that anybody who is mentally handicapped is draining resources from our gifted children. And I'm telling you now, in a lot of societies throughout history... What if we live in abundance? There's plenty of people to take care of

the people that are handicapped. Because abundance doesn't always last, and you can't predict abundance. But it's here right now. Not really. Not for a lot of people. It'd be very easy to justify if you were just prayed to of people. Right here? It'd be very easy to justify. If you were just prayed to the God of rationality, it'd be very easy to justify.

And people have done this in history, which is what I worry about. Sure. Hey, let's get rid of all the people that are draining our resources, because they're hopeless anyway. People on breathing machines, people who are severely retarded, whatever they are, severely handicapped. They're draining resources. I know you love them, them but listen we need this money for over here you're in a hospital you're taking money the very old the very informed so you think we need religion to keep you from

taking people off life support well i i i will say that i think religion and specifically the judeo-christian ethic and i include islam in that um and by the way i mean buddhism is all talks about the sacredness of the sentient being these these religions are there because and i think we benefit from it i think that all of us we do too i mean where does our justice system is predicated it's predicated on the idea that all men are created equal we benefit from it but there's also real problems with it. Of course. There's real problems with any ideology. But be careful in what you... But what I don't understand is why you think it can't be replaced with logic and reason.

Because logic and reason has pitfalls. But you're assuming that... Because there's nothing logical. Hold on. You're assuming that logic and reason doesn't also have compassion. So you wouldn't have compassion for the people that are mentally handicapped. Oh, it does. It does.

It's too fickle. What I'm trying to say is this. There's something very irrational and very religious about the idea that all men are created equal. That we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal, right? Yeah. And Yuval Harari talks about this brilliantly in his book, which is that you cannot prove mathematically or biologically that the idea that all men are created equal is that sapiens or the new yes sapiens is is real right so so because we're not again lebron james if he's standing next to me isn't we're not equal he's my chocolate avatar right

so but we inherently know that our humanness our uh human essence. Yeah, you're not equal physically. He's a super athlete. But I'm funny. Or I have my own gifts. Wouldn't that suck? Yeah. What if he went on stage and murdered? There are people.

What if he was like Eddie Murphy 2.0? There are people that are better. Wouldn't that suck though? Yes. If he was LeBron James and he was funnier than you? Well, he's not a bad actor, I'll tell you that much. Imagine if he was really funny. Like if you couldn't follow him.

That's when I'd give him my girl. Can you imagine that, though? I would present him with my girl as a gift. He's like, what, six foot, what, 11? He's 6'9". Okay, 6'9". Six foot nine. 2'65".

Built like a god. Faster than everybody and stronger than everybody. Amazing. And, again. And murders on stage at the store. And when you hit the mic, you have to go like this to get the mic. That's right. Bring it down to you

because you have to go after him. And that's when I say to him, he's got it in the mic stand. It's fucking seven feet in the air. Yeah. And I go, Mr. James, I'd like to be your traveling concubine.

I'm probably not your type. Well, he doesn't want that. I'm not your type? No, you're useless. I'll take culinary classes and I'll cook. Let me cook for you. No, he's got people

that shut the fuck up that carry the bags. I'll polish your shoes, sir. No, you're too annoying, man. What are you going to do? You're going to stare at his dick all day? cook. Let me cook for you. No, he's got people that shut the fuck up that carry the bags. I'll polish your shoes, sir. No, you're too annoying, man. What are you going to do? You're going to stare at his dick all day? I just want to connect with you. Ask him questions about what a man he is?

Yeah. This is weird. What do you squat? Leave him alone. Okay. I'll just be in the corner. Just write better jokes. Sir, I'd like to be a gimp.

That would be so embarrassing. Like if a guy was that good at basketball but then it was like a natural at comedy there there are started murdering in comedy like or like a fighter like what if terrence crawford turned out to be the funniest fucking dude in the world imagine imagine you know and and he not just fucks people up in the ring, but then Terrence Crawford starts doing sets at the comedy store and murdering. And then he's got a Netflix special and he's murdering. And you're like, no, how can he be so good at these things?

I don't know, man. Yeah. But listen, there are people that are better at everything sometimes. I mean, there are. Well, there's definitely, look, Elon Musk is a good example of that. How many fucking things can that guy do at once? But at the same time, what I'm saying is that you can't quantify a human being because you don't know what their potential is and you don't know where they're strong.

Listen, stop. If LeBron James murders on stage, he's better than you at everything. He's better than you at everything. Fuck off. Following you. You got to follow him. He's going gonna murder and then the king has left

the building he's gonna drop the mic and walk away yeah it'd be a problem and then you gotta go on after him but you can't be that good at two things right

I mean wow who says well I mean to be really good what if he decides how much do you put into it you can be really good at two things

but I think like three times my whole life what if he puts listen to me what if he puts the kind of effort that he puts into getting good at basketball into getting good at stand-up? Different muscle.

Yeah. One muscle's lazy. One muscle doesn't really write and work for the amount of hours that we work on our craft versus the amount a basketball player has to practice. It's different.

Oh, he's murdering. This is Blake Griffin. He's been trying to do stand-up in the off-season the last couple of years. More when he was living in LA. He got traded to Detroit now, so it's a little bit harder for him probably, but he's been doing good.

He's good? Yeah. I mean, from what I've heard, from people that have seen it. That's hilarious. Videos of it. There you go, motherfucker. Yep. So he can, look.

He's 6'10". Doesn't matter. Stand-up doesn't care. It's a long road. I'll see you in 10 years. It can work, though. If he does it, what I'm saying is, you take a guy who has the kind of discipline and work ethic that an athlete does at the highest level of the game and apply that stand-up

comment. I bet they'll get further than a lot of us. He's only 30. Ah! Only 30. Maybe. What are you going to do? Blake Griffin's going to murder in front of you one night.

It's a weird muscle. Stand-up's a weird muscle. Joey Diaz isn't exactly... Joey Diaz is high by noon, but he's funny as fuck. He's high way before noon. Yeah. Comedy's a weird thing. Comedy's a very, there are some fuck-ups that kill you. Joey Diaz might get high all the time.

That motherfucker works on his act. Joey works on his act. It's a mindset. You're always writing. You're always coming up with ideas. Joey Diaz is a pro like people see joey and they see that you know he smokes a lot of weed and he's crazy and they assume that he just gets up there just rants and raves no no that guy always has new material always always working on something yeah he's i think that's what it takes too i think

that um this kid was younger, and he told me he hadn't written a joke in two years. And I went, well, you're talking like a loser. You know, you can't. I think stand-up is relentless, especially if you develop a following. Yeah, but if that's where he's at, he's probably depressed. There's something probably wrong with him.

Well, we talked about that, too. Is there? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. But I'm saying that, you know, again, you know, depression is a very real thing, but I always say to kind of younger people who seem like they're in a rut,

that's why I'm a huge believer in just take the steps of getting better at one type of language. Start, it doesn't matter if it's the guitar, it doesn't matter, just get better at one little thing. Just start practicing. It'll motivate you to do other things. I'm not saying depression, clinical depression is a very real thing.

I don't know enough about it. Well, the thing is it's, it is real, but it's different with every person. It's like, it's one of the rarest of diseases in that, like you really can't put it on a scale.

Yeah. Like you, it's a spectrum. You feel like shit or you don't feel like shit. You're depressed. You're not depressed. Yeah. But what,

what level depressed are you? Are you suicidal? Are you just like kind of shitty? Could you fix it it with like running or or do you need like real chemical intervention and do you know do you know the difference like what what's your community like what are your friendships like yeah what is your family like huge questions huge questions and by the way how are you eating how are you exercising what is your community like these are things where in people who live the longest in those societies, what is it, Spain?

I heard, and I don't know if I'm right, has the longest per capita live people right now, and yet huge alcohol and tobacco consumption. But they are connected to community. And they do a lot of that. They're getting it in, bro. Taking siestas, long lunches. Banging.

Yes. Banging it out. Yes. And drinking red wine. Long lunches. Banging. Yes. Banging it out. Yes. And drinking red wine. Woo! Yeah. Why not? Enjoying their lunch.

And dancing salsa. Dancing salsa. And dancing. I bet that helps too. What is this? Spain to lead Japan in global life expectancy. See, there you go. US continues to slide.

There you go. Yeah, because we're eating shitty food and we're getting fat. We're also isolated. Yeah. You know, there's a price you pay for, as a capitalist, as a capitalist, as somebody who believes in the free market. There's a price you pay for praying to the God of consumption and progress. There is. Yeah.

And it's, as we are, we're ruthlessly competitive Americans. Americans are fucking ruthlessly competitive and insanely aggressive. Football is a game of war it's simulated war you're you're you're it's a you're capturing territory and everything else it we are so aggressive that way and look it makes us a great country we also pay a price for it no question about it like i get i do get sort of the notion that we need there is this idea that where the left a lot of the left says look man this this capitalism stuff that seems to be creating isolation and depression like how is it going is there is there a conversation to be had about how we figure out how we structure our lives where our community takes more of a

precedence where job security takes more of a precedence all these things well the minute i start hearing socialism i start to freak out i'm just saying i know what you're saying yeah but here's the thing about socialism socialism in general sounds like a terrible idea because a lot of people are lazy and because it de-incentivizes people from action and there's a certain thing that people should have motivation to succeed. They should have some drive and they get some satisfaction out of achieving goals. And those are all things that I would not want to deny any young person from. I think those are really important things for happiness.

And one of the things that they've studied when they've studied happiness in people, people that are goal-oriented and that they set goals and achieve those goals, it's one of the best markers for happiness and it doesn't necessarily mean money you know the problem is we like to think of it as money as it's a money thing but in athletics in art when people without finance attached to it at all when people set out to do something and then do it they achieve a sense of self-worth and happiness yes and understanding And understanding. And understanding of yourself, of who you are. This is what's missing from a lot of people. And again, I'm not a clinical psychologist.

I don't really understand depression. I don't suffer from it. But I've known enough people that have to know that there's a lot of different kinds of it. It's all different. And I think some people just have, they have a broken brain. There's something wrong in there and it would be nice if there was a chemical

that could fit into that slot and fix it. And sometimes there is for those people. And sometimes it changes their lives. And then I've known people that were on the wrong medication.

Like Ari was on Propecion and it was fucking with him. It gave him depression. You know, and sometimes people, they'll change their diet and you know, one of the things

that uh ronda patrick was she posted something i think it was on her twitter account how inflammation um led to impulsive decision making led to cheating on your diet it led to poor decisions in terms of like overall lifestyle just from having higher levels of inflammation so eating shitty food not getting enough sleep drinking all those things lead to inflammation all those things cause you to make more impulsive food choices shitty food choices bad dietary choices bad lifestyle and rest choices like they're all it almost like inflammation wants more of it here it is study finds that inflammation even at subclinical levels in healthy participants may provoke impulsive behavior and an inability to delay gratification isn't that amazing yeah i start i pull back with all this stuff and i always think to myself like i think i think what you and

i are after like when the reason i'm happy and the reason I feel so fulfilled is I'm able to express myself fully, like fully. Like I told you the other day, like I, certain developments in my life. Like I was like, I, I want radical honesty in the sense that I don't have to lie about anything.

I don't want to lie about anything. I want to be very honest. You and I have been always been so honest with each other. Right. And well, that's why we know each other. So yes, dude. Wow. Yes. And the minute we start fucking bullshitting, you're like, Oh, what, what, what? been so honest with each other right and well that's why we know each other so yes dude wow

yes and the minute we start fucking bullshitting you're like oh what what what but that that's where you have your friends that hold you accountable because they know exactly who you are and it's very important exactly but that so so what that allows you to do is to express yourself fully and completely the original self-expression is my whole my credo my idea but but so if eating well if eating well see i don't want my body to get in the way i don't want it to get in the way so i investigate how to feel optimal so that i can just not have it get in the way and i can do the things i love yeah that is a form of of expressing myself fully I always wanted a box it was such a mystery to me

and I'm nervous today because I've got to go spar some fucking guy how long have you been doing it now how many years almost five years now but I don't care about I'm not going to enter

Wayne wants me to fight he wants you to fight yeah but I'm not going to do that I don't want to be an actor who takes a fight it's hilarious to me it's embarrassing why is Wayne doing that to you

because he's a fighter and he's a maniac. Man, you've got to get in there, lace up the gloves at least one time. You can fight. You can fight. You can fight. Come on, throw the left, right, left. Yeah.

And then I put on headgear and he just puts in a mouthpiece and he gives me a beating. He just starts popping you. Yeah. He puts his gloves wherever he wants, which is annoying. But my point is that

I feel like I'm expressing myself in that vein. I always wanted to do it. How are your shoulders? They're like ripe pomegranates. Really? You're okay? I have a beautiful body. It doesn't bother you at all?

Boxing doesn't injure you. It's jujitsu and crossfit. That shit will, if you're not careful. Yeah. Yeah. I'm old now. I've warmed up. Boxing can definitely still injure you.

Do you warm up with bands? What do you do? You know what? Really, honestly, what I do, I have my whole dynamic stretching routine I do in the morning. When I walk in the gym, I lace them up, and I just start moving very slowly. I warm my body up. I start hitting the mitts really lightly, and as I go, I hit more and more. I'm a meathead.

I see those mitts and I want to smash. That's what happens. That's what happens. Then your back is all bunched up. People have to tell me. They have to tell me, don't,

start slow, start slow. It's warm up, warm up. You got to sneeze? Jesus. You okay? Yeah,

all that cocaine. Wow, you doing coke now? Yeah, but just a little, bro. Oh. Just a little,

just to take the edge off. I heard it's good for you if you do a little. If you take the edge off, nobody did, and nobody ever did a bunch of cocaine and shit got better well i wonder if people chewed a bunch of coca leaves and shit got microdosing coke i haven't heard anybody trying that no i don't think so the problem is you crash you do blow and you want to start a business with your friend all these fucking plants you can you microdose psilocybin because there's no real

crap i mean there's a weird feeling after a mushroom trip, but there's no, like, devastating crash that I hear people report after cocaine. Cocaine, apparently, on the come down, you're just wrecked. Yeah. That's one of the roller coaster rides. Like, a lot of people, they do the cocaine, and then they have the crash, the dopamine level smash, and then they only feel good if they're doing cocaine again because their body's so fucked up. Yeah. That's why you lose your house like in three years a buddy of mine had that and uh our other friend uh worked in a rehab center and was trying to explain it to us what was wrong yeah it's no joke it was sad sad shit i had somebody describe he emailed me and he described

what we were talking about my friend michael mcdonald's best friend committed suicide and he's on the podcast talking about it and he got emotional it was heavy shit and um somebody i know who comes to my shows emailed me and i guess he suffers from serious depression and you know he described the like when so we always say well how do they how could they commit suicide they had children i mean how what happened like it makes no sense he said for me it's like being in a sauna and you know how you get too hot you get so hot you have to get the fuck out because you're too hot and he said only there's nowhere to go you don't have an exit you know i was in

the sauna yesterday and i've been in the sauna lately at higher temperatures because uh gabrielle reese she was on the podcast and she was saying her husband you know laird hamilton that badass surfer dude he he cranks his sauna up to 225 degrees and when when people like he's like who's been fucking with my sauna like it's like it's lower than 225 i'm like jesus christ she's telling me this i'm like 225 fuck such a badass so i put the sauna up to 200 yesterday and uh i was thinking now while i'm lying there i'm like what if this was the world forever like it was 200 degrees from now on forever the world's 200 degrees like how happy would you be with your children could

you still laugh i was thinking like how i could i can withstand that for i withstand it for 20 minutes that's what i do right but what what would i do if that was like that feeling of hot if it didn't kill you that feeling of 200 degrees out would you be willing to live through that like how much would it sadden your life yeah how much would it weigh on you? Yeah. A lot. Of course. What I'm trying to say is move out of Phoenix, Arizona, folks. That's so oppressively hot. It's not worth it in the summer. Oh my God.

Get yourself a Colorado mountain home in the summer. I was just up in Boulder. Boulder needs to be a little more aggressive. Like I was just in Boulder and it just made, like I see a grown man in the middle of the day

with a beard balancing on a handrail. I'm like, you're an able-bodied man, and it's Friday at fucking two. Go to work right now before... You know, there's another dude just sitting cross-legged with a small little flute. You know the flute you play at an elementary school? Do-do-do-do. Just so unaggressive.

Boulder's paradise, though. Ah, whatever. It's paradise. They had a sale on clogs. So there's a few hippies, bro. It just makes me aggressive. But what percentage of those people are there if there's a hundred thousand people is there 10 that are judging the whole place okay is there 10 people that are playing the flute they put caffeine they put they put there's nothing about white really wealthy white people

that put caffeine and and comfortable footwear at the top of their essentials yeah comfortable footwear what's wrong with you? I don't know, man. You want your feet to hurt? Yeah, put a fucking, put a leather sole on your fucking foot and go to work. A leather sole? And have your toes pinched.

A hard wooden heel as well. Yeah, there you go. I like that. And have your toes pinched a little bit, you fuck. A little bit. And wear some wool. What's that called when you get bunions? Get one of them things?

Whatever. Go manufacture shit. Drink your black coffee. wear some wool. What's that called when you get bunions? Get one of them things? Whatever. Go make go manufacture shit. Drink your black coffee. But don't you think it's nice to have a community like that where they're just all

about yoga and satnam? Sure I guess. It's comfortable until the zombie apocalypse hits and then I'm not fucking relying on them. You just want to live. You don't want to live

through the zombie apocalypse. Why? Like you don't. Boulder is impossibly relaxing. That's what I when I watch The Walking Dead Which I don't anymore Ha ha

Yeah But when I used to watch it All the time Before they just annoy me To the point where I couldn't Take it anymore Yeah I know After a while

I was always like I don't want to do this Why would you want to do this? Survival I mean people commit suicide now Guys like That are doing well Their life is great

Yeah And they have loved ones. Yeah. And they commit suicide. You're telling me that people are just going to live through this nonsense? Jamie, bring up Dresden

before and after the war. Ooh. Take a look at that. They say the middle of Dresden was as hot as the sun. Jesus Christ. Speaking of 200 degrees. Because of the,

when the Allies bombed it. But just take a look at the, what it looked like before and after. Ooh. We're so lucky we don't have to tolerate that kind of shit right now. I remember who was the guy who wrote, oh, God, Where the Monsters Are? I wrote a children's book.

Was it called Where the Monsters Are? I don't know. And he was in the war. And he said, do you believe in God? And he just casually said, no, no, the war took care of that for me. I never forgot it. was like fuck yeah he just died in five years ago i had eddie israel on yesterday and we were talking about wars of aggression and that most likely we've seen the end of wars of aggression there's people trying to conquer new territory like that world war ii was probably the last one of those look at that man so that

was dresden dresden looked like the surface of the moon jesus when they were really done with it oh my god yeah oh my god that lady got barbecued yes it's that's horrific those are all bodies man yeah that was there's dresden there you go that that beautiful stop scrolling look at that what the fuck man yeah that's what war did that's what world war ii was the true destruction of old europe imagine what it would look like to to watch those bombs hit and just level everything like that well it was carpet bombing so civilians that you know the the objective was actually to kill the the german worker to really bring that country to its knees it was It was back when total devastation of the enemy

was essentially a tactic. It was a horrible, horrible thing. Wow. Yeah. These images are so stunning. Oh, okay, this is afterwards. Yet human beings rebuild, yet they prevail. Yeah, and a few decades later.

That's okay. But what we were talking about yesterday was that we most likely have seen the end of these wars of conquest where people are trying to take over new territories. Right. Because territory is no longer a commodity. Now it's services, it's ideas, it's technologies, it's land in that sense yeah but i mean the concept was that we're moving in a better direction and that things are becoming less and less at least overtly aggressive more people are able to see what's really going on too and more people can communicate i mean this is really the only generation ever like these last two or three generations where you're able to easily translate

anything that anyone's saying in any other country like how often do you go like i'll read like khabib nurmagomedov's um uh instagram page and it's in russian you know and i'll translate it and so i could read what he's saying and i do that with a lot of his other fighters too i just hit the translate button yeah like how dope is that brings you closer to them yeah well dude you get to know them you know you know and you you see that they they're pretty fucking similar even though they're different you know they're into family worship and their food and their community they laugh they laugh yeah i mean it's humorous insults with each other if you

live there you'd be in that style of living too and it's a hard place to live so you got to be a tough motherfucker that's right yeah that's right but there's a predict there's there's something predictable too about how to live there's certain norms and practices and you know there's do you think that with russia being run by putin that seems to me to be the last big country that might invade somebody like russia being run by putin you could almost see him pulling a crimea somewhere else in Putin, you could almost see him pulling a Crimea somewhere else in the world. You could almost see him. I think Russia,

and I think the history of Russia, I have not been there. I was there when I was very young, but I've not been there since. And I have people who've gone there and they actually really enjoy it. And it's, you know, just great people,

like great people. The Russian people who suffered maybe more than anybody in the 20th century, really enjoy it and it's you know just great people like great people the russian people who suffered maybe more than anybody in the 20th century but great people and and industrious and everything else but i do think that they're run by a gangster well but it's not just that they're run by a gangster yes but i i think that sometimes the way um a populist thinks about certain things can inform their destiny right so so think about this if you were always invaded and you had a flat topography and tanks could roll in german tanks whatever it is and you paid such a price price for that again i told you when I went there in 1985,

you didn't see any old men. They were all killed. But aggression, male aggression, was what kept those Nazis at bay when they surrounded Leningrad, now St. Petersburg and stuff like that. There are a lot of stories in it. And I think that when you've been traumatized to the extent that russia has been

traumatized certain strengths you know the ability to stand up against aggression and to be brave and powerful those become that that becomes the commodity that's where that's the guy that gets all the money all the women all the you know whatever and i think that's a product of their history so putin is an admired man putin get i bet you if putin had very fair elections he would get elected in to power he's respected are you trying to say he doesn't have fair elections yeah well now there's a lot of saying my larger point is record i'm not saying that i'm not saying that sir i don't know anything about russian elections but i will say this i don't know why you're putting words in my mouth.

Why are those guys in the door? What the hell is going on? He would get elected anyway. I think so. Just because people love him. What if he allowed open criticism of him? Well, there is open criticism, believe it or not. Sure, the guys who get shot.

They were openly criticizing and they get shot. There is a press that actually is critical. Right, right, right. But you know they've killed journalists. Yes, it's not a threat to his power. Well, how many journalists have been murdered? I don't know, but enough. Poisoned and all kinds of weird shit.

Google journalists critical of Putin murdered. Also, his supporters will beat the shit out of you. Yeah, for sure. So what I'm saying is that I think russia's what are you saying i think russia needs to embrace a diff the softer strengths are you a foreign policy advisor yes i am this is no this is a philosophy i have this is my philosophy ready okay so my philosophy is this this country is a great country and our culture is an interesting culture why why because not only are we representative hard strengths the military the nfl the fucking ufc all that shit the what eagles and eagles fucking ball bro you're right

that's a classic canada's fucking national anthem is the beaver well russia is a bear okay but so americans again are very aggressive but you know what America's secret is? We've also provided safe quarter to our gentler spirits. What is this? Violent deaths of journalists started in the Yeltsin era. Okay. So they've just been doing that. Yes. Forever.

Yes. So there's just like presidents just do that in Russia. Always have. Murder, crossfire, terrorist act. In 2008, there was six of those. Dude. Murder only. There was another six

listen two of them were brought to trial look at me right now putin is gandhi putin is gandhi compared to khrushchev gandhi compared to stalin gandhi compared to lenin gandhi compared to any anybody who was in power before him those guys used to kill wholesale i mean and that's a fact up to their elbows in blood. Who was that guy that got murdered recently that was running? It was a political opponent. They shot that dude down. When his death was not related to the journalist's work,

the conviction rate exceeds 90%. What? They put him in jail, too, if they don't just kill him. What is that quote, though? When the death was not related to the journalist's work, so you're talking about rates of conviction. Oh, okay. That was a weird quote.

Oh, rates of conviction are very high. Yeah, of course. So the guy with the biggest gun in that society holds all the power. They do that in this country, too, though. Espionage, those kind of trials. Yeah. You're going straight to the pokey, son. Do not pass.

Go. Good luck with your trial. That's true. The judge is like, yeah, I listened to you. 20 years. Fuck off. But aggressive part of the world, United States, like Russia, however. We're smarter.

No. We're better looking. No. We're funnier. We protect our. Funnier. Why are we funnier? Because we're better.

That's too general, sir. Because we have LeBron James at the Comedy Store. Sir, you're being too general. Sir, you're being too general. Sir, you're being too general. This is a quiz. Why? Because we're free. Because we have protections for the people on the fringes, our creatives, our weirdos,

our fashionistas, all the people that make our culture interesting. Steven Jobs, he wasn't good at CrossFit. No, he was good at at CrossFit. No, he was good at yelling at employees. Yeah, either it was Mohandas K. Gandhi or Martin Luther King, but they,

but we provide, at least there was due recourse. At least we know that there are softer strengths that have to be protected. It makes you more interesting and it makes you more creative and stronger.

You gotta be innovative. Yes. Your innovators are weirdos. Yes. Like Leonardo da vinci apparently was gay what uh-huh i said it outrageous yeah wait a minute guess what what there are a lot of very smart in russia if you're gay it's not that safe for you right you get tossed off a building yeah so what you do is when you do that with people who are creative and you you marginalize a group

of people because they're different in the name of purity or whatever didn't they make some like really weird public statement about homosexuality like the law in russia like is homosexuality illegal in russia well a lot of times they're equated with pedophiles the lgb community has real trouble there and and it's hard to get apartments it's more of subtle it's hard to it's hard to just live and make a living. So what happens is all those creative people who could be contributing and coming up with beautiful ideas, they're marginalized as perverts, deviants. And that's the dumbest. The meek don't get to inherit the earth. The meek a lot of times are the people that provide you your fucking goodies. Russian gay propaganda law for the purpose of protecting children from information advocating for a denial of traditional family values.

There you go. Whoa. The gay propaganda law and the anti-gay law, the bill that was unanimously approved by the state Duma on 11th of June, 2013. Holy shit, man. So you want to protect children from exposure to, you know, home activity. Yeah. So you want to protect children from exposure to home activity. Yeah, and it was signed into law by President Vladimir Putin on the 30th of June 2013. How long is he going to be president? Let me ask you a better question.

So with those kind of laws, those kind of laws that marginalize anybody that's not normal, quote unquote, that's not traditional prototypical male, female. Awesome. When was the last time you bought, and I'll wait, when was the last time you bought one Russian product? Please. Besides the fact that they're essentially a one crop economy, which is oil. And I guess some other commodities.

What happens is you kill all your creativity. What happens is you are not a strong country. Your weaponry isn't even good. That's the irony of all this shit. When you have that mindset and you have one idea of what strength is, you're going to be fucking weak, and you're not going to be creative. Is a Kalashnikov a good rifle? It's a very good rifle. It makes some good shit.

Designed in 1957, I believe. Oh, what does it say? 2012, previously holding the position from 2000 to 2008. So he's been right now, he's on seven years in office. He's a czar, sir. He's been longer than that. Yeah, but I mean, seven now, currently's on seven years in office. He's a czar, sir. He's been longer than that. Yeah, but I mean seven now, currently.

And then he did it eight years before. But he didn't even take four years off. When he took four years off, he was running shit from behind. He's got to look like I'll kill you. He's like, I will kill you. It's a black belt in judo, right? Definitely kill you. Yeah, legit black belt in judo.

Yeah. Like he can actually throw people around. Probably smart as fuck. And in his mind, you know, Putin is running a country that requires a strongman. Yeah. It's who they respect. Right. So he's caught in that too, even if he agreed with what I'm saying.

Let's say you're the king of the world. How do you fix Russia? You come at them with up you present an idea the idea i just presented which is the idea that you might want to protect the people that you consider to be queers deviants and weirdos nerds or whatever they are because those people a lot of times are your creatives i don't know why but they are so do you think they lived in too much of a wartime culture for like for too long i do that they developed this hardness to them that that's why they're lacking in the creativity and the innovation and i don't think they can afford that and i don't and

i think that a lot of times when you've been traumatized that you're dealing still with the residue and the trauma of world war one and world war two and that's very real and you know and also by the way communism and having nothing and and you know they have strong communities i mean my friend went to russia and said everybody was nice to him fucking they're good people and they're innovative people and they're creative look at how good they are at boxing anything the russians put their mind to that they that they hold value for like strengths like mma like like boxing look at how good they are so they're they're incredibly industrious disciplined smart people i just wish over there i'm sorry how do you get weed over i don't know i bet you don't i bet if you have money you get everything you want right if you got money yeah

if you're connected to the oligarchy but Do you think Putin's ever tried DMT? I think he's too measured for that. Well, I think he would want to know. Maybe. I bet he's done a lot of shit. He does whatever he wants. Yeah, for sure. He's bizarre.

How many chicks do you think he's got in his stable? Well, I will tell you this. I truly believe this. I think that he can just sit there and he has women flock to him. Oh, for sure. They love him. For sure. The best looking woman in the world.

He doesn't have to do anything. Right. For sure. That kind of power? Yeah. My wife was like, he's hot. Whoa. I go, but he's a gangster. She goes, who doesn't like a gangster?

Ooh. Jesus. And I was like, ooh, jeez. I had to walk away. I was like. Whoa. It's uncomfortable I had to walk away. I was like. Whoa, it's uncomfortable. Steal your girl. Yeah.

Take your girl. Yeah. Steal your football ring. You hear about that? No. The story about fucking Sturgill told me about this. Who was the football player where Putin stole his ring? Google that.

It's the owner of the Patriots. Was it him? It wasn't a player? It was just the owner of the Patriots? Yeah, yeah, yeah Is that the guy that Kraft? That guy?

Okay So he had this Super Bowl ring on He meets Putin Putin says Can I hold the ring? You know And then he takes the ring off

Puts it on He's like Hmm And he said something like You could smash someone's face With this ring And laughed And then just walked off

With the ring And they were like Hey Where's the ring? He's like No He just stole the ring. There it is.

You know, Harvey Keitel, really? He just took his ring. What? My ring, no. That's awesome. This my ring, I dig. So he just decided he wanted it and took it off the guy's hand and was laughing and walked off with it.

As the story goes, Kraft handed the diamond studded ring to Putin as a bit of show and tell. I could kill someone this ring, Putin reportedly said as he fitted to his finger. Then when Kraft held out his hand to get it back, Putin, surrounded by KGB agents, wordlessly slipped the ring into his pocket. Wow. News circulated quickly the ring was not meant as a gift, which prompted Kraft to issue the statement at the time. At the end of a very productive three-hour business meeting with President Putin, I showed the president my most recent Super Bowl ring, Kraft said.

Upon seeing the ring, President Putin, a great and knowledgeable sports fan, was clearly taken by its uniqueness. At that point, I decided to give him the ring as a symbol of the respect and admiration that I have for the Russian people and the leadership of President Putin. There you go. A.K.A. I want to live. I want to live.

I love it. I take this. This my ring, no. I do have an admiration i just think you think he's ever killed anybody with a ring uh yes probably he was a kgb guy for a long time people to death george w bush administration had pressured him at the time to let go of the ring to avoid an international incident it's hilarious wow. Wow. In 2013, Kraft reneged and offered some backstory about the incident, alleging that the Bush administration had pressured him at the time to let go of the ring.

Wow. It would really be in the best interest of U.S.-Soviet relations if you meant to give the ring as a present, Kraft recalls the White House saying. I really didn't want to. I had an emotional tie to the ring. It has my name on it, Kraft said. I didn't want to see it on eBay.

But maybe Putin mistook. You know, there's a language barrier, so he probably misunderstood. Listen to what he's saying. No, he didn't. Shut the fuck up. Were you a Russian propaganda agent? There was a pause at the other end of the line,

and the White House voice repeated, it would really be in the best interest if you meant to give the ring as a present. Are you calling Putin a thief bro no i'm saying he took that ring he took that ring he he punked that dude and took his ring that's not a thief he's a gangster yeah it's out there punk why harvey kytel to drop 124 diamonds the great harvey kytel yes told me a story i think it was him and he said you know remember uh nikita i would know um what's that what's that fucking uh la femme nikita la femme nikita remember the actress in the tv show yes i met her once she was she went to russia candy alexander so to ask okay so she went to russia with her boyfriend putin liked her he used to watch the show all the time i heard this from i

think it was harvey kytel he kept that dude out into another room and had her out on the balcony talking to her the whole time and basically he could the guy couldn't get back in it was very clear that putin was making a play for la Femme Nikita. And it's like, you're in my town now. You go over there. Take a seat. I know you came here. Take a seat. I'm going to take what's mine. And apparently she was gone. I don't think she did anything, obviously, but

you know. Let's pretend she did. Right. There it is. There it is. And he dug her. Where's the boy? Oh, Jack Nicholson. Boyfriend ain't around, bro. Boyfriend's not around. Where's the boyfriend? He's not there. He. Boyfriend ain't around, bro. Boyfriend's not around. He's not there. Where's the boyfriend, bro? He's not allowed to be at the table. He's like, yes, you have legs for this.

He was apparently locked out. He was trying to get in the room, and they're like, sorry, we didn't know. Well, it's kind of interesting when you see a guy run in a country like that in 2019, that he can run the country in that gangster fashion. It's more interesting that he got people to... What's that? Oh, Sean Penn? Yeah.

It's more interesting to me that he's gotten himself in a position where people would actually vote for him. So technically he's been democratically elected. Yeah, I bet at a certain point in time they don't know who the fuck should be running things over there. Yeah. Brian Callen, I've got to end this. I've got to end early today.

My friend friend always great always come see me in miami may 9 10 11 orlando did you did you did you talk about my dates yes you're in the miami improv may 7th 8th and 9th correct no no no 11 and 12 10 and 11 god damn 9 10 11 yeah now you ruined everything no no, no, no. They're listening still. And then, uh, Orlando, May 17, 18. Oh, I got some days, too, that I just started selling. They just went on sale. I am going to be in, where the fuck am I? August 10th, I'm in San Francisco.

I'm in Mountain View. Nice. Yes. Mountain View at the Shoreline Amphitheater on August 10th. August 9th, I'm in Mountain View. Nice. Yes. Mountain View at the Shoreline Amphitheater on August 10th. August 9th, I'm in Portland, Oregon. Woo! Portland. Yeah.

And then on the 23rd, I'm in Denver, Colorado for two shows at the Belko Theater. Son. At the Belko. All right, kids. I love that place. JoeRogan.com for all my tickets. Keep your arms heavy And your belly tight What does that mean?

I don't know It just sounds like an awesome thing Arms heavy I want my arms to be It's from a Billy Joel song Really? Yeah I can't remember what the song is Is it Piano Man?

No Is it Uptown Girl? No Brian you're a silly goose And I love you I'll see you later BrianCallum.com B-R-Y

T-Fat K for tickets Or BrianCallen dot com Bye everybody