The Joe Rogan Experience - #1312 - Ms. Pat

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

Ms. Pat is a comedian, actress, and author. Her new podcast "The Patdown" is available now on Spotify.

two one boom miss pat we're live what's up how are you hey great to see you again glad to be back man this studio is better than my house crap i'm gonna go home and tell my husband we need to move in joe rogan's studio there's not a lot of room for extra people i i know i know i know i know i was just fantasizing are you you still in Indianapolis? Unfortunately. You don't like it there? Hell no. I like my fans, but I'm black and it's snowing. Snow and weave don't go together.

I just don't like it. It's the same. Everybody eat at Applebee's and Golden Corral. I need culture. Culture. Yeah, culture. Where about Chicago? I want to go back to Atlanta. you move What about Chicago I'm cool

I want to go back to Atlanta Atlanta That's where I want to be I want to be in Atlanta I love Atlanta Yes Man the food The people

Yes I just I want to walk out my door And smell Mexican Indian All type of spices Everything All I smell in my community

Is duck shit And tiki torches Tiki torches And dryer sheets Because white women do their laundry dryer sheets yeah i need some culture i need to walk outside and see all types of people isn't it weird how places just never develop a lot of culture some places just the spots just never get any more interesting yeah it's just it's so boring everybody go to church nobody curse and when i come out my door and if i'm talking to a neighbor and i use profanity oh my god i said i'm not gonna change

my language because you decide to walk your dog today and stop and talk to me you tried to talk to me and everybody pick up their dog shit in my community and and where i'm from hey that was fertilizer so you see your neighbor with a big old pound of dog crap in his hand i'm like dude no no i don't think it works as fertilizer because my dog pisses and shits on the lawn it just leaves these big old like yellow spots yeah but if you leave it long enough and it rains on them they just go into the grass that's true they don't kill the it don't kill the grass i think the piss does the piss seems to kill the grass well i don't know we didn't have no grass everybody walked through the grass.

I didn't care about lawns until I became a homeowner. Yeah, homeowners care about lawns. Homeowners care about a lot of crap. You have to. Yeah, I have a rental property in Atlanta. If I can get rid of that, I would never, ever. Black people come up with some of the strangest things why they ain't got their rent. Like I'm supposed to care.

Black people come up with some of the strangest things why they ain't got their rent. Like I supposed to care. I tell them Bank of America don't care that your mama, that your grandchild had a seizure. I need my rent money. Put a spoon in his mouth. Tell him about CBD. Yeah. I mean, I've had.

I just I'd be so glad when I can get rid of this property. So you own a place in Atlanta? Yes. Would you live there at the place that you own? Hell no. No? No, I wouldn't live there. You don't like the spot? I'm a little too bougie for that now, Joe.

I'm a little too bougie. Too much success. I got health care. Too much success. No, not too much success. I'm a little too bougie to live back where I, but I rent it out. I rent it out. It's a nice place.

But you would live in Atlanta somewhere else. Oh, yeah. I want to go to Peacht But you would live in Atlanta somewhere else. Oh, yeah. I want to go to Peachtree City, Kennesaw. Yeah. Yeah. I would live in Atlanta. I love Atlanta. Why don't you make your way down there?

What's holding you in Indianapolis? Health care, Jeff. Health care. My husband has a really good job that we pay nothing. His knee just went out. His hands done gone out. Oh, no. And I can't pay for them types of things.

What? Damn. He tore his ACL running to the cafeteria at work. Oh. Yeah. I've done that. I tore both of them. You probably were exercising.

Yes. He was going to get food. Don't watch this episode of Joe Rogan, baby. I'm sorry. Tune out now, sir. That's a rough one to recover from it takes six months yeah he was six months now he's got a carpal tunnel in his hand so he's getting ready to have a hand surgery type what does he uh he builds the allison transmission for allison

oh for general motors so he's constantly moving things with his hands yeah so his hand carpal tunnels a bitch my mom got that that's a rough one well i never had a job where i did that much repetition you know i sold drugs and forged a few checks but it wasn't an everyday thing i had to do so you haven't how many checks you'd have to forge before you get carpal tunnel yeah a lot so once you burn 32 you don't have any more to burn you gotta wait till somebody steal the next book plus i was really young back in the day. Yeah. Damn.

So that's what's keeping you in Indianapolis. Healthcare. My husband got a good job. I need a TV show so I can get some really good healthcare. Well, your podcast is launched now. It is. It's called The Pat Down? The Pat Down.

I like the name. And I have my own song, too. Oh, thank you. Yes. We're talking about Ari. Yes. About Ari getting in trouble For putting other people's songs On his podcast

And they demonetized his podcast Yeah my nephew Riverdale Shawty Made me my own Little pat down song Oh nice So yeah Oh somebody made a song for you

That's beautiful Yeah Yeah I was just trying To do something different It's only 30 minutes Of me talking crap About whatever's going on In my life.

Perfect. You hear my kids in the background getting cussed out. You hear the creditor calling me. And my co-host is a little white boy named Chris who don't know nothing about black America. And then I got my friend who just he's ready to go march if you if you need him to. So I got I got this libertarian, this crazy as Democrat together. And I'm down the middle to say, hey, we can all get along. And they hated each other.

At first, how'd you get them together? Because they hated each other. He did it on purpose. Yeah. My black friend thought Chris was racist. I was like, no, I know racist. He's not racist. He's just naive to the fact.

And so I put him what? Naive. Eved. Tell him what I'm trying to say naive oh naive naive yeah you got to translate you know i was like yeah is that like adam and eve i was like i was trying to go with this it was naive but it sounded like adam and eve yes so he just didn't understand so we get them together and we have these conversation about race and uh we did an episode about abortion. And Chris was like, he's really Christian. And he was like, I was like, do you believe a woman should have a right to have an abortion? He just pitter-pattered all around.

I said, Chris, just say yes or fucking no. And finally he said, I don't believe a woman should have an abortion. I said, that's fine. But this is my vagina. And I can do what I want to do with it. If I want to stick five crackers in my vagina and turn it into the 4th of July, Joe Rogan, this is my vagina. As long as I don't get no vagina juice on you.

That makes sense. Yeah. Atlanta's got a problem now with that, right? Isn't that Georgia just passed a new abortion law? I don't think it's passed yet. Tiffany Haddish, she just canceled her shows. Yeah. Yeah.

She's canceled her shows in Atlanta because I think it passed. I think that was the idea. That's why she canceled it. I don't think it passed, Joe, because the TV people haven't pulled it out yet. Oh, you think they would if it passed? I think they would. I really think they would. I think they're making tax money.

Atlanta got them in there because of tax money. Yeah, and I think they'll leave. A lot of people lose their jobs. I don't think they're going to leave. I don't think nobody should be telling us what to do with our bodies. I don't think so either. Yeah. I mean, you know, I've been shot in the titty.

One of my nipples messed up. So that's like you trying to tell me I should get my titty fixed. If I don't want my titty fixed, it's my prerogative. I shouldn't have to have my titty fixed. Right, Joe? How do you feel about late term abortions? That's where people get scared. That gets squirrely get scared now i don't think

squirrely yeah i don't think you should be killing don't have no abortion in those six and eight months now and i don't think it should be recreation either because i had an abortion recreation just doing it for fun recreation i like how you translate for fun oh i've had a few friends what are you gonna do today well i was thinking about riding a roller coaster but fuck it i'll get an abortion i've had a few friends that had quite a few abortions that i've had one myself i mean my in my situation i think everybody's situation is different my situation i was i already had my first baby at 14 my second child at 15 and it was by a married man well i got pregnant by this married man again and i just looked at myself. I said, here I am, 16, pregnant with my third child.

I cannot take care of the two I got. And, you know, it wasn't all of this stuff like what they tell you about birth control and safe sex. That wasn't going on in the 80s. You know, people were shedding their doves and talking, wouldn't even talk about it. Well, especially when you were a little kid. I'm 14. You were a little kid. I was a kid.

So when I got pregnant with my third child, I became emancipated minor and divorced my mom. And I went and got an abortion because I knew he wasn't helping me with the first two. That's so crazy. So I told the story on the first podcast. And it's still to this day. Sometimes I'll be doing something and I'll just think about your story and just go. Selling drugs as a teenager, pregnant with two kids by the time you're 16 by a married man crazy in jail I mean I dropped out of school in eighth grade you know all of that stuff and I just said I said I don't want my kids to end up like me so I was like I can't keep having these babies and after that I got on birth control and I just prayed I said Lord I don't want no more kids by this bomb.

And I never got pregnant until I got married. Well, that's good. Yeah. So now I have those two. You know, I used to tell a bit about

I got a set of Medicaid kids and a set of Blue Cross Blue Shield kids. So I waited until they got older. I mean, I got older and I became, I started to learn about life he taught me a lot

and so i had those last two and i tied my twos very very good move yeah i'm four is enough four is more than that's a good number but you know joe i'm black so my family smoke crack so they keep giving me their kids so i had to tie my tubes to make room for the crack baby they keep coming in and out my house I'm raising four right now. Really? Yeah, I have my niece. I picked up my niece like five years ago to help her out. She had a baby that was two weeks old.

And I have this thing like all kids deserve a solid foundation because I didn't have one. So I picked, this is my third set of kids I've raised and I'm just 47. So I picked my niece up maybe two weeks old and she got three other kids i said okay i got this big house in indianapolis come live with me i got three four extra bedroom well this bitch ran off and left me with them kids now i have a five or eight with her kids yeah and a 10 and 11 year old and i've had these kids for six years and i literally have not seen my niece in almost four years. No phone call, no nothing. And, you know, I'm trying to build a career.

So I have a daughter who my whole my kids who were at the house and had to make a major sacrifice. Like my daughter couldn't go off to college because she didn't want to leave my husband with these four kids so she went to college in Indianapolis but she said she went mostly from you know home my son couldn't go out to college because they at home help him raise these four kids that I call my crack babies but they're home raising my crack babies because she don't want to leave my husband with all four of these crack babies by themselves so you know where's the mother you want to hear something crazy the bitch blocked me on facebook joke she won't even let me be a friend on facebook you're taking care of her children yeah and she blocked you on facebook why did she block you because i kept saying i'm gonna kill you bitch

i was ready to live my best life i said oh I'm making some money me and my husband go to Hawaii get naked float in the water right bam four crack babies you can't do that when you can't you know how much a ticket to Hawaii you call I can't take them crack babies with me oh my god I love them crazy yeah so I mean it changed it's. And then, you know, when she left and she didn't even give me custody. I had to go and hire this lawyer and go and get custody because she just ran off. And I asked the, you know, the welfare system in Indianapolis. I said, can y'all just give me child care? Because child care was going to be like $800 a week.

Because my kids was in high school when she left. And they was like, no no we can't give you that but we will give you medicaid and 300 they get they didn't they didn't give me shit jesus christ so i just i just made away myself and i said you know what i've had this baby since she was two weeks old how do you drop a baby that you've had since she was two weeks old it's basically your baby now yeah you can't i can. I can't give up. I love it. Especially since the mom blocked you. Yeah. That is so fucking crazy.

The mother blocked you. Do you know where she is? No. Oh, my God. No, but we did make a secret account, right, of a nice, fine man like yourself, Joe Rogan. Nice, fine black man. And we friended her. So she accepted as a friend.

So she don't know that that's us. And she don't listen to your podcast, so I can tell. So we we follow her like that so she's on the other side of town getting high never hit me up never talk about the kids that's so crazy you know i don't get a dime from nobody nobody and i don't ask for nothing i mean i'm just at this point i'm thankful that i can even take care of these kids because my sister was on drugs and I took care of her kids. My niece was on drugs. Now I took care of them for 10 years with my husband. And she's on drugs now. The daughter is on drugs. Well, my sister got him back and got him all on drugs like her. Oh, Jesus Christ. So I made sure that these kids can't go back to that situation. Now I call them my bougie crack babies. They won't even eat McDonald's, only Chick-fil-A.

They be like, oh, we don't eat McDonald's. We eat Chick-fil-A. And I was like, I remember when your ass didn't eat at all, baby. Oh my God. They give me great material,

but it's not easy. Do they know you call them crack babies? No, they don't see your body. My husband say, stop calling these damn kids crack babies. I'm like, these are crack babies. Fuck. They don't know I call them crack babies.

Only America know that I call them crack babies. But y'all can't call them crack babies. Oh, my God. Do they call you mom? They do. And it's kind of weird. That's cool, though. God. Do they call you mom? They do. And it's kind of weird. So they just started calling me mom out of nowhere. Don't call me fucking mom.

I'm auntie. And now I just let them go. That's beautiful. Well, they go to school and they see all, you know, I live in this white community. They see all these kids with mom and daddy. And it's like, well, why don't we have it? And they just started calling me mom. And so we're mom.

And my daughter, she just graduated from college. But they got two moms. And then my husband is their daddy. Aw. Yeah. I love that. Well, thank you. Thank you. That's a beautiful thing you're doing.

It really is. Even though the lady's a cunt. She abandoned her kids. No, in the black community, she's a bitch. Yeah. That's what she is. Those kids got lucky. They got lucky.

They really did. They really did. They really did. I took them on a Disney cruise last year, Joe. And, oh, my God, they had the time of their lives. And look at my crack babies. They don't know what I done saved them from, the crack house. Oh, my God, what you saved them from. They're on a Disney cruise.

Yeah, I said, look at these crack babies on a Disney cruise with matching outfits. But I love them. It's amazing that you're doing that. It really is. I mean, I know it's hard, but it's amazing that you're doing that. Well, you know, like I said earlier, every child deserves a solid foundation to start on. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have that solid foundation. I didn't have nobody to step in my life and you know snatch me from my mom but you know whenever i see a child in need especially a family member i always try

to step in because i know i know when you don't have that solid foundation where you can end up and some kids end up you know fucked up even with a solid foundation but if you can give them a good start at least give them a good start And that's all I ever wanted to do That's beautiful Yeah and Simmons Learning Center is killing me I put these black crack babies in this white community These kids been reading since they were two They were whooping my black baby ass Joe Rogan

So they need tutors? Hell yeah I took it all kind of long I'm like I'll be glad when you crack babies catch up I'll be glad when y'all catch up. We got to get this podcast to take off. Yes, yes, yes. You don't need a TV show these days.

You don't. You just need that podcast to keep going. I know. I'm enjoying it, too. But you're perfect for it. Like, that's what we were talking about at the comedy store the last time I saw you. Four o'clock in the morning. I was like, you got to.

You have to. You right. You right. And I really like it, too. I knew you. I was like, it doesn't make any you right you right and i really like it too i knew you i was like it doesn't make any sense that you don't have one yep and i mean i'm enjoying it 30 minutes they go oh miss pat give me more i'm like excuse me i'm sitting here with no wig on no bra i ain't took no bath and chris might be smelling me after 35 minutes this is all you gonna get plus you know he come over at four three o'clock and then my baby's coming to do it at 4 o'clock.

So I'm going to sit your ass down. I'm screaming and hollering. I got to go fix food. And I got a life. I'm married. I can't sit there for, you know, all day. 30 minutes is fine. It's perfect.

And I like it. As long as you're consistent, that's the whole thing is like be consistent. Don't take weeks off. Like when people take like four weeks off, five weeks off, people forget. And then they're not interested in your podcast anymore. But if you just consist it and just keep doing it, people get it becomes a part of their routine. And then they tell people, you got to listen to Ms. Pat's podcast. And next thing you know, by word of mouth, it just spreads.

Yeah. I mean, we have so many episodes in the bank. How many do you have? I think we got probably 20 in the bank. Beautiful. Yeah, they wasn't as good as the ones that I put out regular. But, you know, when I first started, I was kind of shy. What?

You? I'm Southern. What? Look how many times you have to say, what the fuck did you just say in the back? But you're not shy. I was kind of shy in the beginning. What's the last word I would ever use for you? I fight, but I'm kind of shy, Joe.

I mean, you know, because I'm country and people like, what the fuck did you say? I did. I actually talked about you on my first one. So when I first did your podcast, it was this story out that Joe Rogan is a badass and he choked out a mountain lion. And I was like, I don't want to go talk to no white man and choked out a fucking lion that's a made-up story I know but I didn't know at first and I was so scared Joe and I thought I was a mountain lion killer like I was out there choking lions I'm used to black people doing drive-bys but I ain't used to white people just choking out a mountain lion so I'm trying to figure out how the fuck he get up on the mountain lion and he got

how do a white man sneak up on the mountain lion? And he got them. How do a white man sneak up on a mountain lion from behind and choke the shit out of him? He got to be strong as fuck. So I kept digging. And I realized the story wasn't real. I was like, I didn't want to talk to no white dude that choked out a mountain lion. Then I started, you know, I see you with that big old weight and shit. That big old horse head. I know he killed that fucking mountain lion.

It took a while for me to realize. It took about a month before I realized the story wasn't real. My own sister didn't think. My own sister thought it was real. Really? She texted me. She goes, you really choke out a mountain lion? I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

You got to get out of Florida. You're a badass. I mean, only you can sneak up on a mountain lion and choke the shit out of him i don't think so well i run with a knife when i run i carry a knife with me just in case because there's mountain lions in my community really yeah yeah they've seen them and i run with my dog and mountain lion tries to jack me or my dog i want to have something on me so you you if he jack your dog you're gonna stab him fuck yeah you know i was just telling the story about my you know from the South right?

So back in the day and don't get offended people but you know dog fighting is big in the South So we didn't fight like no danger shit. We just put some now ladies on the ground Whoever dog get the best they winning now later. Well, my dog was named pup pup now or later You know candy now and laters the candy candy candy so you have the dogs fight over candy. Yeah Me my dog used to split the candy Black dogs used to eat anything back then Collar-green pig feet whatever black black people didn't buy dog food So we will meet my dog will fight a lot

But if you got the best of my dog, i would jump in and whoop your dog ass because you was not gonna whoop my old ass german shepherd now don't be calling in be talking about i'm abusive to dog because i don't own no fucking dogs i got four crack babies and i don't have an animal this was back in the day and i was a little girl but that's what we used to do it It is a big thing in the South, period. I knew a guy who had 30 pit bulls in his backyard. He had these boxes that the dogs lived in these little dog houses, and they were chained to a post, and they were in his yard. And I didn't see it. My friend was telling me about it, but I knew the guy. Yeah.

He lived in Kentucky, And they fought dogs. Well, we only did. It was just kids. We only like, whoever dog get the best of whoever dog, that's who winning now. So if I thought Pup Pup was about to go down on his back, I would jump in and put your dog in a chokehold. Because I like wrestling. With dogs? Yeah.

I would freaking fold the shit out of your dog. I was not losing them now, Lady Jo. We didn't eat a lot. I was not losing them now, lady, Joe. We didn't eat a lot. I couldn't lose my only meal that day. Your only meal was now or later? Some days. And me and Pop-Pop would sit on the sidewalk.

We'd whoop his ass, then we'd pop up, and we'd split the now and later. Wow. There's a lot of people right now listening like, is this lady for real? And I can assure them that you are. I'm for real, y'all. You've had a crazy fucking life, you know? I mean, there's so many people that are insulated from the kind of life that you've had. They don't know anybody like you, you know?

Oh, I'm realizing that. Chris, my producer, I scared the shit out of him. He's like, why are you yelling at me? I'm like, Chris, I'm not yelling. You're knowing a black woman to yell. When she's going to twist in her neck and taking off her wig and unbuckling her bra i'm yelling i'm just talking my voice i have a deep voice and this it carries you know what's crazy because like i say he's a little white kid from indianapolis and uh so i'm talking on a podcast and i'm teaching them about black pussy incense you ever heard of that black pussy incense yeah you know that you burn the black people use to burn in their house. I know about incense, but I didn't know about black.

Yeah, it used to be called black pussy. He swore me down it wasn't real. So we put out the podcast. Everybody was like, my mama say black pussy. It was the best scent out there, Joe. Oh, okay. You look like, what did it smell like? I like incense like incense yeah that was the name of and i told i told him about him he's like what are you talking about i'm like i'm telling you black

pussy is it everybody listen to r kelly and burnt black pussy incense on a saturday morning clean their house everybody listen to r kelly and burnt black pussy holy shit so every weekend every week i'm teaching him something that he has never heard of what do black pussy insides. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. So every week, every week I'm teaching him something that he has never heard of. What do you think about all this R. Kelly shit? I think you did it, Joe.

I mean, but people just look, people just look the way, you know, I tell a bit on stage, I say something about a big dick man man big dick black man they can't read they puts it down they have all i can't read they put it down my first kid's father

couldn't read when they ain't got no side teeth and they can't read they got the best sex because they practice all the time black men who can't read don't have sex like black men who got a nine to five who can't read the sex is totally different because they're not tired because they practice all they do is practice on women i mean you got my husband gotta go to work joe he ain't got time to be flipping me over slapping me across the head he ain't got time for all that ghetto love oh my god I'm crying he ain't got time

for all that ghetto love but when you got a brother that can't read and don't work the best sex now he ain't gonna go to work but he gonna watch the young and the restless

and the housewife of a lounger but when you know when he get back that dick is laying on that pillow for you jesus christ i know what whitney houston went through everybody like i was like that's a dick mommy putting down and you know he had to work even harder because he had more money than him

right yeah that's true somebody had a meme they put up on the instagram the other day of uh how every dude whose girlfriend is paying for everything stands and it's like a guy standing with his arm deep around the girl like deep around holding on to her while they're waiting in line for things baby in public always baby holding a hand you can't get my husband to hold my hand you know why because you pay the mortgage i called home yesterday i said i love you he said thank you i'm in the bed i was on the phone with my friend one day so i said listen to my husband my husband's funny as fuck and so i said hey i said uh baby you want some pussy? He said, not at all. Not at all.

My friend said, did he say not at all? And I said, guess what? He's snoring already. He's snoring already. When we have that type of relationship, I say, hey, I'm going to need you to fuck me on the 14th because I think I'm ovulating. I need to get some stuff out of my chest. Oh, my God. He said, hey, I'm going to need you to fuck me on the 14th because I think I'm ovulating. I need to get some stuff out of my chest. Oh my God. He said, not at all, Joe.

We bought a sleep number bed and he was like because his knee was messed up. I bought a sleep number bed. I'm going to put it down every night. I'm like, fuck yeah. So I had just got a deal with Fox for my TV show. So I walk in there. I walk in there and I'm sleeping. I'm like a real negro when they get some money. Give me the best fucking bed you want because I'm going to fuck every night. They sold me a $13,000 sleep number bed.

But I should have known he wasn't going to do shit because he was insistent on getting the mattress that split down the middle. You know, the two mattresses are separate. That shit split down the middle. And now every time I want to have sex seat, I got to tap my head. You want to come to America and get some pussy? Come to America? You want to come to America?

Who's got the harder side? He do. He do. He's like, I ain't fucking with you on that match. It's too soft on that. Come over here. And then now we done gave up. We just fuck in the middle Who's got the harder side? He do He do He's like I ain't fucking with you On that mattress It's too soft on that Come over here

And then we done gave up We just fuck in the middle And by the time We get through The fucking mattress Fell off the bed Cause we in the middle Of the whole lap

And half of the time Just chips and shit Just stuck in the middle Of the bed The remote My wig Everything Just in the middle

Of the bed Oh my god As soon as I get My TV show I'm gonna buy me A mattress Remote, my wig, everything sits in the middle of the bed. Oh, my God. As soon as I get my TV show on, I'm going to buy me a mattress that put us back to fucking Galway. Yeah, I didn't like that sleep number, but I tried that thing. I was too confusing. I didn't like it. He loves it, Joe. Every time I come home, he got his feet in the air like he had a gynecologist visit.

Oh, it's one of those deals. Yeah, and it, Joe. Every time I come home, he got his feet in the air like he had a gynecologist visit. Oh, it's one of those deals. Yeah, and it heats up. I'm like, this mattress is only good for heating your balls up. We could have got you a blow dryer. Heating your balls up. They sell mattresses now that cool you. Mark Sisson was contacting me. I was telling about that before, yeah.

Yeah. I want to get one. That seems awesome. Yeah, Sisson was just telling me about that. I'm going through menopause. I might need to get that through. I'm going to be heating That seems awesome. Yeah, system was just telling me about that. I'm going through menopause. I might need to get that through. I'm going to be heating up, Joe. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm having a hot flash now, and I don't want to drop my titties on your table. You got AC in here. I don't feel it, Joe. We'll turn it up for you. AC can't stop no hot flash. It's like five minutes. I'm heating up now. And it goes away?

Yeah, it goes away. What is that caused by? I don't know. You got to ask Mary. I don't know what Mary did in the beginning. Was Mary with Jesus? Yeah. No, Mary with Jesus.

Wasn't that Jesus' mama? I don't read the Bible. Who do you mean? Mary. Mary. But who do you mean when you're saying Mary? You got to ask Mary. No, I'm sorry.

I'm talking about Eve. The lady who started the period. I'm sorry. I get that. Oh, that bitch. Yeah, she fucked everything up. Yeah. Listen to that talking snake. Yeah, that talking snake. Who started the period I'm sorry I get that That bitch Yeah she fucked everything up Yeah Every time I get

Listen to that talking snake Yeah that talking snake I mean them cramps ain't no joke And now I'm having a high flash All because of this bitch Bit of apple God can you give me An opportunity to bite an apple

I won't bite the apple Take the high flashes away I'll be on a plane My titty heat up And white men next to me Don't understand Why I got my titty in my lap I'm trying to get myself off.

Fanning yourself off. Yes, yes, yes. So it comes and goes? Yeah. Like, it lasts five minutes, and then back to normal? It lasts a few minutes, and then it'll go back to normal. Like, I'm cooling down now. So, like, out of nowhere, you just get hot.

Yeah, and it hits you in different places. Like, mine is good between my titties on my neck. Some people's is up under their arms you know so a spot like one spot hit me right here my titties my titties heat up like if you touch them down about 95 degrees don't touch them because you're married but i'm just saying i want you to burn your fingers here goes more than two-thirds of north american women who are headed into menopause have hot flashes they also affect women who start menopause after chemotherapy or surgery to move their ovaries. Whoa.

It doesn't say anything on why it's North American. That's what I was wondering. It says, what is a hot flash? It's a sudden feeling of heat, sometimes a red flush face and sweating. We don't know exactly what causes them, but they may be related to changes in circulation. I guarantee if they happen to men, they'd know exactly what caused them. Oh, they'll fix that shit. They'd figure it out. Oh, yeah, they'll fix that shit. They'd figure it out.

Oh, yeah, they'll fix that joke. If they can fix a soft penis, yeah. They'll fix a man dick, but we can't do nothing with our body. Exactly. Stop fixing soft dicks and everything else will be soft. No. I don't think that would work. They already fixed that.

So they can't say stop fixing soft dicks. They'd have to unlearn. They'd have to unlearn Viagra. don't think that would work they already fixed that so they can't say stop fixing soft they'd have to like unlearn they'd have to unlearn viagra look just let the man dick do what he do when it die let it die then that's that's at the point where the lady need to know she need to put some cocoa butter up on the hippie slide across his thigh i don't think that's gonna help either When it's over It's over right I guess Yeah Yeah

People like think That they would be Happy when it's over Like good Finally It's over Well women are happy When they periods

Don't come on no more Why can't men be happy When they penis don't work Cause for men Like your dick not working Is a sign of You don't You're not a man anymore

Yeah yeah For sure Yeah you feel like You're not a man anymore Oh really Yeah So I don't feel like I'm not a man anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah, you feel like you're not a man anymore. Oh, really? Yeah. So I don't feel like I'm not a woman no more. When my parents stop, we be happy.

Yeah, but it's different. If your pussy's dried up and became useless, like sealed up. Like nothing. You know, like maybe you meet a man. Maybe you and your husband get divorced. You met a man. He's beautiful. He can't read. So he's got good dick. And he go to put it in and flakes fall off? You know, like maybe you meet a man. Maybe you and your husband get divorced. You met a man. He's beautiful.

He can't read. So he's got good dick. And he's going to put it in and flakes fall off? And it's just a mess down there. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Joe, I'm black. It grow real thick. So it's always a mess down there.

It grow real thick? Yeah, I call it nappy grip. Well, I got a Jackson 5 afro. yeah i call it nappy grip well i got a jackson five afro well i mean i mean for some women it matters but i guess because i started really early i don't want no dick i want health care no dick you ain't got to do that to me just take me on a trip but for men though it's like a sign of Weakness Yeah it's a weakness thing Yeah Yeah you don't feel like a man anymore

But if you love that person I think you ready Are you willing to To deal with The softness Yeah especially if you don't want any dick Yeah But if you want dick

And his dick is soft You start getting angry You put ice cream sticks around it Oh Like a brace Like someone with a broken leg You put ice cream sticks around it. Oh, like a brace? Like someone with a broken leg? Like you break your leg in the forest and they have to fucking strap it to some twigs?

What else were they doing before Viagra came along? I don't know what they were doing. Sticking them in the freezer? That's why they kill rhinos, you know. Rhino horn? They think rhino horn gets you dick hard. Really? It doesn't do shit.

Do you eat it? I guess they make a tea out of it. Oh, really? It doesn't even work. But guys have been taking rhino horn forever to try to get their dick hard. And so much so that now that it's forbidden and it's expensive because it's forbidden, it's like a sign of luxury. Like you're drinking rhino horn tea it's a big thing and apparently

some asian countries like with like wealthy people they don't even have dicks in asian they don't i mean i heard they were small you heard well i have a girlfriend they got six asian babies right but she don't have any stretch mars well and i was just from the babies you know most women get stretch mars right but i don't think that has to do with dick but i'm saying asian men make small babies so i'm just assuming well what if it's like uh i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about who's the basketball player what's the the giant dude yeah yeah yeah what about that guy even if he has a normal size he ain't got no dick he too tall He ain't got no dick. He too tall. He ain't got no dick. He's too tall.

How could you say that? I guarantee you he pissed on the top of his pants. It's a way a man... LeBron James is tall, too. He got a lot of dick. I saw that dick on TV that day. I bet. Oh, my God.

When he went to go scratch, I was like, I'm not into young dick like that, but that was nice. I was like, I'm not into young dick like that, but that was nice. I tell you somebody else who got a nice. Nicki Minaj, ex-boyfriend Safari. Yeah. He broke the internet with it. He broke the internet with his dick? Oh, my God.

He had a curve in it, Joe. It could fucking lift. You can actually. It could probably lift a weight in this fucking weight room in here. Whoa. It was so big, it couldn't even fit on an iPhone. It was only ipad action i was sending it to everybody bitch look you blessed today you're blessed oh my god and he made a little five minute video that thing was swinging like the american flag on top of a building wow it was nice oh my stomach done once i finished

losing weight don't do it don't? I want my titties lifted. You don't know my titties, Joe. Just kidding. Getting put under is what I worry about. Well, shit. I mean, I want my titties lifted. I understand. It's hard when you got big titties and they all in your lap and shit when your bra come

off. Do you want your wife to walk out of the shower with her titties look like they been in a drive-by? I feel you. I understand what you're saying. Yeah. So I want my titties lifted. I want my stomach done. I want you to stay alive, Ms. Pat. I love you. I want to stay alive. I feel you. I understand what you're saying. Yeah, so I want my titties lifted. I want my stomach done.

I want you to stay alive, Miss Pat. I love you. I want to stay alive. I love you. I want you to be happy. I love you, too. I'm going to get me a rejuvenation, too. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't get it tightened up. I thought you said you don't even want any more dick. Why are you getting it tightened up? I'm going through panting lines like Pampers. Oh, my God. But will rejuvenation fix that? don't know but i got a leak that a palmer can't fix oh no what's what is exactly leaking what's happening there just coughing

he's my friend y'all that's all the reason I can tell him I be pissing on myself That's alright I mean I don't want no I don't want no Kim Kardashian Them nose I'm okay with my black nose You have a beautiful nose Thank you I don't want my cheeks pulled back

Don't do anything like that Joe I would like to get My stomach done So I can see my vagina It's been a long time We've been disconnected For a long time Have you ever gone on a diet?

Yeah Didn't like it? Is 100 pounds and it just stopped so i called the doctor man's like it stopped he was like uh you gotta go to the gym i'm like no so you lost 100 pounds just dieting No I had weight loss surgery About two years ago No when I first came out I was real juicy I was almost 400 pounds Real juicy So you had the Stomach staple thing

No I Yeah I had my stomach cut Yeah Yeah It was It was easy as hell Really Yeah I was

I was almost Ready at four Wow And I lost like So you lost 100 pounds And then they told you Go to the gym And you're like Fuck you Well 100 pounds and then they told you go to the gym you're like fuck you well i'm just so busy there's no fucking excuse i mean why don't you get a trainer that

could be another podcast you complaining at the gym that shit would be hilarious yeah i would be complaining that would be hilarious you want to hear something crazy my kids are fat because you live the parents is fat the kids are fat my son was 410 pounds joe and i live in this white neighborhood and he couldn't get no pussy and he literally went on a diet joe when i tell you this boy is 220 pounds and every night when we go to bed he go in the pantry throw away the junk and i said you got one more time throw away my motherfucking food he's like y'all can't eat that he read everything he just go to the gym he was fat as fuck that's amazing titties his titties gone his stomach flat every day what does he do what

kind of exercise i don't know i can call him his name june bug june bug yeah not his real name that's his nickname yeah nickname so he's just a gym addict he's a fucking gym addict and he's beautiful he told he's like i'm to make this whole family lose weight. I said, not today, bitch. Get your ass out of here. Why don't you do a podcast with him? Junebug and Mama at the gym. Oh, God.

Do you know how funny a video of you at the gym would be? Just you complaining and talking shit while someone gets you to work out. That would be goddamn hilarious. Junebug, we're going to do a podcast, but he's going to try to kill me, Joe. But if you just listened to him and did it and did a video, I guarantee you that would get a shitload of views. Okay, well, me and Junebuck,

Junebuck, you're going to help my, well, actually, I'm getting ready to move to L.A. for the pilot of my show. You're going to move here? I'm going to move here for a little bit. For how long? Well, we're going to shoot the pilot. So if the pilot get picked up at Hulu, so I'll be doing the shoot and then i'm gonna go back home i can't take all these nice titties running around here so i'm gonna bring

junebug out with me bring junebug to start to start filming videos you ought to see him like he had big titties like mine they're gone beautiful i love it i love stories like that uh and now he just did it i know what it was he couldn't get laid well that'll be a motivator yeah and i asked him i said son be honest because he told me he said mama because i mean i'm doing a little bit now i probably lost like 15 pounds since i've been dealing with jumbo he said mama but when you lose weight when you start to lose weight he just texts me when he said do you come on your period what do you mean i'm your fucking mama he's like i want to be in the room while these conversations are happening i said why are you asking me that he said because when i help you lose weight your period gonna come back i said why fucking period

is not gonna come back who's your son a doctor i don't know he just read all the time joe i lost like 12 pounds and my period came back. I said, bitch, my period came back. He's like, I know, mama. You stopped up from all the fat. I said, I don't think it worked like that, Joe. Stopped up. Jesus Christ.

I just got a visual. Stopped up. Like the London subway. He told me I was stopped up Joe But my cycle came back I was like What the fuck you do to me My period came back

He's like Mama the more I work with you The more you gonna flow Whoa The more Meanwhile he's right That's what's crazy Yeah

So he just reads a lot about fitness And health Yeah He's I'm telling you Joe How old is he He's 19 And what is he doing

He works He works at Enterprise He should get together with you Fuck Enterprise Just you two together Working out Making YouTube videos It would be huge

Yeah especially if I can get out and like him He's like mama I'm gonna get you in shape And my daughter is on the plus size too He's like I'm whipping all y'all asses into shape All because he just He just popped up and said I'm sick of being fat. That's awesome. He said he was sick of being fat.

My baby, if you go to my Instagram, he's 220 now. I'm like, Junebug, stop. He's like, no. Wow. I mean, he got a chest, Joe, stomach flat. He looks good. And I asked him, I said, son, did your dick get bigger? Because I remember being really small.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. And I asked him, I said, son, did your dick get bigger? Because I remember being really small. Oh, Jesus. He's like, it's better, mama. It's better. Oh, my God. When you're fat, your dick gets smaller? Hell, yeah. That bitch go up in your stomach.

Your navel become your dick when you real fat Joe Oh my god You should do that Look I talked you into doing a podcast I'm gonna talk you into doing this You have to Okay Junebug I know you gonna see this Junebug

Please You and your mom At the gym It'll be gigantic I'll help you I'll promote it I'll put it up on Twitter And Instagram

Please do this Joe he gonna kill me you know i gotta go in there with a depend on imagine if he gets you in crazy shape imagine if you get to like bikini shape seriously i ain't been like that since the third grade i need a bikini shape i'm telling you joe imagine if Imagine if he could do that, though. Imagine if he does that. Joe, you don't know how happy I would be if I could just look straight down and see shit. A lot of times, the food that you crave is the food that you eat. So if you eat food that's not healthy for you, that's what you're craving all the time.

Your stomach gets used to it. What they call your gut biome, your stomach bacteria wants sugar and bread and pasta. As soon as you start eating healthy food, your body starts craving healthy food. Your body will start craving salads and lean meat and chicken and fish. That's all you eat, too. Perfect. We don't drink water, but I do now. He makes me drink water.

He literally called me, Mama, because I can do one liter a day. I'm up to one liter. That's enough. What do you drink besides water? I drink coffee in the morning, and after that, no more coffee. I have to have one cup. Coffee's fine. do one liter a day i'm up to one liter that's enough what do you drink besides water i drink coffee in the morning and after that no more coffee i have to have one cup coffee's fine yeah i do put sugar and cream in i got full crack baby i need something calm i understand so i told my son i can't give up my coffee right now so i drink coffee only in the morning and then i drink all

day i work on a liter of water and he literally go through the house and tell us what we can and can't eat which is I mean want to punch him in the face but I am losing a few pounds with him like you know I got these I got these back weaned arms like grandmama and he's like mama I'm gonna get all of that off of you because he was he had fat arms too and big titties I mean he lost all of it and I'm so proud of him you could do do it too. Yeah, because I told him, I said, look, you're 19. You're on insurance to 26. They will give you weight loss surgery. And he's like, I don't want that.

I said, son, go get the weight loss surgery. Then I get your titties taken off and your stomach tucked. He's like, mama, that don't sound like no manly thing. Because I had it all planned out. I was going to get his tummy tucked and his titties cut off. And then I was going to get him weight loss surgery. And my fat daughter, she fat. And I said, I was going to get his tummy tucked And his titties cut off And then I was going to get him weight loss surgery And my fat daughter She fat

And I said I'm going to get your tummy tucked I'm going to get your stomach cut And then I'm going to buy you an ass Because she have no ass So And then I told my husband He don't have no ass I was going to buy him an ass too

Jesus Christ You're buying everybody asses You know what People are getting cancer from that Asses Yeah Not when they take the fat from you No not when they take the fat

We got a lot of fat They're getting cancer from the implants What titties Ass implants Oh I ain't gonna do no ass implants You didn't see my ass I got big ass You do

There's no issue But some people who get ass implants They're starting to get cancer Oh really Because those ass implants Are only a few years old You know what I don't understand? I'm from the inner city of Atlanta.

When we was coming up, Joe, if you wanted titties and ass, they had this thing going around. And I did a podcast on it. I said, black people didn't know what plastic surgery was. So the deal was you take that government barter and you rub it on your titties and your ass, and they said it'll make it grow. What? Yeah. I'm not lying to you. That's what we used to do back in the day.

Did it work? Look at me. Yeah, but... Look at me. I don't think it's from the butter. Every better I know rub butter on the ass. You don't know that government butter. That shit won't melt up on the hot water, Joe.

It won't? That's that shit they sent to the ghetto to kill everybody joe i gotta tell you this story so one time i was in the tub and my neighbor was like just put the butter on your titty and your ass we put the butter all on my mama because she said no you bitches ain't got my butt on y'all you know that shit gotta last me 28 more day she took that stinchy card and she hit us and that motherfucker stuck in that bottle. She gave us one of them wooden spoons. She said, scrape my shit off you bitches.

We're not scraping her bottle all off us. She put that shit back in the refrigerator and she beat the shit out of us. Oh my God. She scraped the butter off your tits and put it back in the fridge? We were poor. We couldn't waste all that good butter, Joe.

Oh my God god that is hilarious she beat the shit out of us planting her butter imagine if butter really did that all you had to do to get big tits and a big ass just rub butter hey i've had titties since the fourth grade so that's when i did it like i think you just have good genetics no joe my mama didn't have no titties yeah but sometimes it doesn't get your mom, but it goes to you. Joe, I'm trying to sell this government butter to keep these women. Don't do that educational shit, Joe. Don't break it all the way down for the ladies.

Let them try the butter before they try the poison. Okay. So go out and get you some good old government butter that won't melt and just sit on it. Like a fucking bird trying to hatch an egg. Just sit on it. Yeah, just rub it all on your booty and stuff. And then just have a seat on it like a like a like a fucking a bird trying to hatch an egg just sit on it yeah just rub it all on your booty and stuff and then just have a seat on it like and hopefully it'll make your booties and titties grow it worked for me if it did work imagine if that worked there's a lot of questions on yahoo people asking that does does butter make your butt bigger and then i found a

product on amazon called Butt Butter. Butt Butter? Y'all be thinking like that. Butt Enhancement Cream for smoother, fuller, and firmer skin. I don't know if that's what I had when I was coming up. Natural Butt Enhancement Cream for women and men. Plump Booty Enhancer Lotion. Butt Firming and Tightening Cream. Sexy Butt, what is it?

Hold on. I'm sorry. Sexy Butt Lifter Cream. Butt Enlarger Cream. This is butt, was it, hold on. I'm sorry. It was sexy butt, lifter cream, butt enlarger cream. This is horse shit. Yeah, most likely.

It's got four stars. Somebody grew an ass from it. Nah, it's a bunch of people that are assholes that work for the company. They're reviewing it. 364 custom reviews. Hold on,

click that. I need to read these. You want a good one or a bad one the good ones adding to my flat booty my family and in my family i inherited flat butt syndrome it's embarrassing it's embarrassing have your butt hurt because you have no padding when you sit and have no pants fall have your pants fall because there's nothing in the back to hold them up after a week i def notice something extra in the back i'll keep using that's the people that you want to buy your butt cream because they're morons that's like people that give money to preachers that fly in private jets yeah i think and that's crazy that don't work but i i'm telling

you government bought a work joe i'm telling you look at this who would have known it works faster on your breast than on your butt but it's work buying more this is not real it is real look at me i'm a 40 look at you with the glasses yelling at me i can't see shit Joe I can't see shit that's hilarious though when you're yelling

with those giant glasses on it's so funny I'm telling you oh my god but listen these fucking the people that are writing these reviews

not only does it works that's it works not only does it works it increased my breast size they probably should

change the name to breast and butt enhancement butter i know it for the butt i know it for the butt so i figured let me see will it do anything for my breast since it's in quotes all natural so i did so with within a week my breast was fuller last time i seen them this size was right before it was time to breastfeed. My baby is now nine years old. So imagine what we was doing in the ghetto. I'm telling you, that thick ass butter. Maybe it does work.

Watch how many people who knows what I'm talking about from the South say, Joe, we did that. And it worked. I assume I grew titties and butt. Well, you should have done it on one titty. Didn't I? What? Just to see. No, Joe, I wanted them to be even.

I know, but there's only one way to find out if it actually works. One cheek, one tit. You balance it out. Left cheek, right tit. Well, I'm going to find that butt butter and rub it on my crack baby. One of her titties and see if they grow uneven. Just don't even tell them what you're doing. and rub it on my crack baby, one of her titties, and see if they're growing even. Yeah, just don't even tell them what you're doing.

Just put it on one titty. Okay. I'm going to have to get her to do it. I don't think I feel appropriate. Yeah. How old is she now? She's nine. Yeah, it's too late. No, no, she's-

When they're like four, you can do it? Yeah, I have a five-year-old I can test it on. But she already got a big-ass booty. Oh, well. Yeah. But I'm going to get some of that and see if it'll work. My husband will kill me. Imagine if that was, I don't know if it's true, but I don't think it is.

It doesn't make sense. But then again, I'm not a scientist. I'm telling you, it's like that peanut butter that they used to send to the ghetto to choke Negroes out. What did they do? I love you. Well, I love you too too What did they do? That peanut butter

That they used to send To the government Used to give black people Peanut butter To choke them out Because they didn't Want to choke them out They think they had

Peanut butter You had to heat it In the microwave You had to heat it On the stove Like you about to Cook a scrambled egg For it to thin out

So you could spread it On the sandwich Really? Damn Then they found out Later on They were going to kill us. It was thick as fuck.

It came in a can. The government peanut butter. Google it. There was some dude on Instagram who was in school, some kid in school. And they feed him cheese sandwiches for lunch. And he was lighting the cheese sandwich. He was like, look at this cheese. Look at this shit.

And he's lighting. He's got a lighter to it. It would not melt. It was just just turning black it was just getting black from the smoke from the lighter it was not melting it wasn't what the fuck kind of cheese is this yeah it wasn't real cheese there's this parts of america that the government ignores right yeah me yeah yeah you got through i got through you made it through the net yeah but then they only come to you when they when they need your vote they only come to the like black pastors they like black pastors you know that's why i don't go to church i tell them all the time

i tie that church's chicken you get more for your money church's chickens better yeah two dollar tuesday get you two pieces of chicken and a biscuit. What you talking about, y'all? But leave that Popeye's alone on Tuesday and go to churches. Yeah, but do they have the spicy? Yeah, they got spices now. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

That's the thing that Popeye separated from everybody else. I'm not giving no pastor my money. Good for you. And ride not there. I mean, hey, the Bible is free. They're in every hotel. Just steal the Bible out of the hotel like everybody else used to. I'm not going to give you my money.

Now, you out here buying jets and shit, and I'm struggling. Now, you fucking the hoes in church. You ain't even sharing the hoes in church no more. They're fucking the hoes in church? Oh, yeah. They beat the fuck up. I don't know. I don't go to church.

The hoes go to church with no underwear on to get the pastor. No. Oh, fuck the first lady. They don't care nothing about the first lady no more. Really? Yeah. The hoes wear no underwear in church to lure the pastor in? Yeah.

Really? Yeah, they must. The pastor's as sexy as fuck. Remember back in the day? Well, you might not remember because you white. But back in the day, the pastor. Back in the day, the pastor was ugly. All the pastors were ugly like T.D. Jakes

They was unfuckable But now they all sexy Oh Now they all sexy I mean everybody Want to fuck the pastor You know that's what they said When they made

Catholic preachers Become celibate One of the reasons Why they made them Become celibate Is because the Catholic preachers Were banging all the ladies

Really Yeah they were like rock stars Because they were the ones Who had the word of God And this was before Anyone could read the bible Because it was all in latin so they didn't know how to read latin so they relied on these priests to read it look at joel austin yes he's fuckable oh yeah i would imagine so yeah do you think you get some i'll give him some. And not in Jesus' name either. No one's name.

He's sexy. Joe Osteen. Shit, I don't even do white men. But I would do Joe Osteen. In the pulpit. Do you think he gets some? He got a wife. Yeah, but other than her.

Hell yeah! You think he gets some on the side? I'll be a side bitch. No, y'all, come fucking with me by joel austin and i'll let him call me that too wow yeah you pay the bill look at him look at him he cute and he ain't aged at all look at that full head of hair. He's sexy. How old do you think he is? 50. I bet he does have a six pack, right? Yeah, he got a six pack. Was that his wife in the upper

right hand corner? Go back. 56. Looks good for 56. For a white man. Is that his wife? She's hot. Yeah, she had some plastic surgery too. Let's say it's his wife. Kapow. Yeah, he good looking. Take that, Joel.

Joel is good looking. He's got a goddamn arena. Yeah, all churches got a... They are the new drug dealers. They're the new pimps. Remember pimps had holes, and they go on the corner and slap their holes and get their money? Yeah. Well, the church is like that now. That's all it is.

He does it in Vegas at the same arena where the UFC plays. I thought he was in Dallas. He goes all over the place. He goes on the road sometimes. Oh, yeah. They go on the road now. I think he's in Houston or Dallas. Somewhere in Texas.

Houston. So he does that, but he also does giant arenas on the road. He does the T-Mobile Center where the UFC plays. Look at that. The size of that place. Nah, you can keep that. How many of those bitches in the audience have no underwear on? Probably about 60%.

I'm crazy. Joe, I stopped going to church When they started Charging for meals I don't fuck with no church Oh my god I can't breathe You ain't notice that I didn't know that

They were banging that many Go to church And smell the front row Does it smell like An oyster bar Yeah It smell like Ovulation

Ovulation Yes They try Hey That's how you have A baby by a man Like Joe Osteen Yeah. It smell like ovulation. Ovulation. Yes. They try to, hey, that's how you have a baby by a man like Joe Osteen. He can pay the child support on time. Yeah. I would imagine if you're the type of person that wants that much money, right? You want that much money. You want private jets.

You want big houses. You're going to want some extra pussy. Hell yeah. Yeah. He going to get tired of paying the same plastic face white woman She look good. Yeah, he's gonna get tired of but he won't somebody like me with the titties that move on the inside Move on the inside. Yeah, you know, I got the real titties so my shit go all over the place Oh and hers are yeah, they just firm. They just one position up straight. That's weird that people like that

They like I'm hard. Yeah, I got them teeth you got to pick up and dust off. Slap them around. No, dust, because everything I eat falls in my bra. Oh, God. I like how I've grossed you out. You don't gross me out. I'm laughing. You're going to be at home like,

no, this bitch here. I'm telling you, sometimes just the other podcasts we've done I'd stop in the middle of the day And go what the fuck Thinking about me? Yes Some of the shit

Well mostly about The tragedies Mostly about your childhood It's funny now Joe It's just that I took You know I say on stage I said

When you can laugh At what you've been through Then you got control of it Yes The only reason why I can laugh at what you've been through, then you got control of it. Yes. The only reason why I can laugh about being shy, and my husband hates this bit I do. I do a bit about my first kid's father giving me crabs, gunnery, and fleas. He gave you fleas? Jesus Christ.

He gave me a combo with no toy. Fucking fleas? I mean a combo with no toy fucking fleas i mean people get crabs i get it but when someone gives you fleas like what the fuck but back in those days the health department would come and pick you up and say hey your pussy on fire we need to put it out they pick you up yeah they used to pick you up in a lot of the time. How would they know? Because he gave somebody else crap going on real flea. So some bitch would report everybody he was messing with. And I was always on their list. Oh, Jesus. So I was like, how can you tell people that?

I think it's funny that they used to come get me and me and the health department man had a relationship. Now, we weren't sleeping together. He just say, hey, your pussy was on the list again. And my husband's like How can you tell people that I said I think it's Fucking hilarious I don't have an STD now But I was young

You know It was good It was simple shit Gunnery You got a shot in your ass And I remember They came one time Joe And they knocked on the door

And they I said oh my god You here I thought you was Going to let me burn up He was like You they knocked on the door. And I said, oh, my God, you here. I thought you was going to let me burn up. He's like, you put something on the list. I'm here to put it out. So my. Is that what he would say?

Would he actually say your pussy's on the list? Pretty much. He would call it your pussy. He would say your pussy's on the list. He said your pussy been reported. Your pussy been reported. So my kid's father was there. I was like, let's go together and get cured. He said, uh pussy's been reported. Your pussy's been reported. So, my kid's father was there.

I was like, let's go together and get cured. He said, uh-uh, I don't want to go. Somebody might see me. So,

this is what he told me. He said, look, it was gonorrhea. When you have gonorrhea, you either get a shot or you take pills for seven days.

So, he said, look, go on to the health department, but don't get the shot, get the pills so we can split them. So,

I'm so stupid. I come back and split the seven-day pills when we still both got so i'm so stupid i come back and split the seven day pills when we still both got half oh my god we didn't take the medication all the way so oh my god that's how stupid i was that is so crazy my husband's like why can't why you tell people this shit and everybody always think he gave me gunner and shot me and beat me like can you please tell these people i didn't do this shit to you how does he deal with you having this act like when you go on stage and talk about all this shit how does he handle it does he cover his ears he never he only seen me once what he won't

come see me joe come on he wouldn't he came to see me with cat william accent when i was opening up for cat williams and uh but that's the only time. He's got to know that you're funny as fuck. How does he not want to see that? He don't want to see it, y'all. Well, tell him to come to the comedy store tonight because he's going to be there for the 1030 show. Yeah, I am, but he's in Indianapolis.

He'll watch your fucking podcast and tell my daughter, oh, she was so fucking funny. But he's not going to directly say to me you was so fucking funny. But he's my biggest cheerleader. I mean, support i mean you know i've been doing this 17 years you know how many times i had to max that man credit card out to go and do a guest spot so you know but he would not come see me he's like look i live with you i hear this shit every day

but he gives me back like he's funny to me like i told you say not today i want to put it today not at all yeah not at all he say some of the funniest shit but he's he's he but you know i can't believe he's only seen you do comedy once one time out of 17 years that's a good one though open for cat williams are you still in touch with cat no but i love cat can't nobody tell me shit about cat williams my daddy died when my daddy died and i was i just got a job with cat william he walked in now he was like what are you doing i said my daddy died uh like two days before he called me on a tour and i said we trying i'm just trying to get this money together raising cat william go to the bank come at with a stack of

money he gave me like four grand to bury my daddy and i was like you don't have to do this and i was like i'll work for he's like look no go bury your daddy because before he did that i was about to put my fucking daddy in a potato sack and stick him in the ground because we had no money and i tried to do the fish fry in the black community i mean the white neighborhood they don't know nothing about no fucking fish fry on no tuesday and cat wouldn't gave me the money to bury him that's hot yeah so can't nobody tell me shit about cat willave He's crazy but he's funny as fuck He's one of my favorites all the time And he tell the fucking truth too

If you go back to like the Pimp Chronicles Yes Those are some of the best specials ever Yes He's a funny motherfucker and he's so original So original Like that is him you know what I mean Like his delivery his style everything

I love him can't nobody tell me shit about no Cat Weave I'm a fan his delivery, his style, everything. I love him. Can't nobody tell me shit about no Cat William. I'm a fan. Because of Cat William, I was able to finish my basement after that tour. He gave me some, not gave me, but he gave some great advice once about comedy. One of the things he said is don't eat before you go on stage. And I was like, yeah, why would you? You don't eat before you fight.

Why would you eat before you go on stage? Why? Because it causes your body, your body when you eat has to break down that food so it's it's using up energy like some of the energy that you would have to do stand-up is now breaking down that food in your body that's why i'll be about to fall asleep on stage yes yes shit i gotta stop eating just don't eat right before you go on stage just eat afterwards okay yeah i mean i listened to him and i was like that makes so much sense and also he has a playlist of music that he plays right before he goes on stage like sets it up like he's like puts him in the

mood to go on stage yeah i do that too i do that i do that too i like a lot of, I want to say OutKast, but that ain't what I'm going for. Who the fucking rapper I listen to? Carly B. Oh, that little nasty thing. That's what I would be if I had a body like that. Oh, my God. That girl got a tongue that'll drag a flow. She that person in my head that I want to be.

I listen to a lot of Carly B. I like her. Maybe you can get that body. Maybe Junebug. Get you in that gym. Get on that elliptical machine. Come on. Junebug, we're going to need you to help your mom out.

Come on, Junebug. And stop your mom from peeing on herself. Just change up the diet. I'm working. I swear, the next time you see me Listen to your son I'm going to look like you Don't do that

If you go too hard I'll tell you Go to a different doctor I'm lying But if you did that I'm telling you If you did a video with your son And your son getting you to the gym

And did that regularly on YouTube Junebug and Miss Pat Just do that That shit would be hilarious your son getting you to the gym and did that regularly on on youtube june bug and miss pat just do that that shit would be hilarious it would be so funny because i cause you know i cause my key is out well especially when they're making you do shit you don't want to do like working out like doing sit-ups and shit and squats and spread my legs wide that ain't never been used that way since the 80s. Exactly. You about to rip my butthole. Exactly. Yeah.

Do what we doing it. Do it. Do it. Definitely do it. So do you bring like, I bring like one of those MP3, no, Bluetooth speaker things with me. You know, I have like one of those JPL extremes. I bring that with me and I put it in the green room, play music. I usually listen to music on my, you talking about before performing?

Yeah. No, I listen to music on my headphone. Yeah. But you get yourself in a mood. Do you have a drink before you go on stage? I don't drink alcohol. At all? No.

Nothing? What about weed? I don't do any weed. No drug? You don't smoke any weed? Nothing? I grew up in a crack environment. I understand.

I just don't I mean You don't need it Alcohol does nothing for me It makes me sleepy And My mama was an alcoholic And I used to always say

I'm gonna be Nothing like this bitch And so So Mission accomplished Yeah So I don't I don't do

My whole family drink And I just don't do it Yeah I don't I don't smoke weed I don't You know. My whole family drink, and I just don't do it. I don't smoke weed. I don't, you know, I was just telling them earlier, like, Junebug tried to smoke weed one time with his white friends, but they were so stupid, Joe. They didn't know how to roll the weed.

So they got the copy of paper off the machine and rolled the weed in there. Oh, God. Yeah, and Tommy lit it. It just burnt, and all the weed fell in his chest, and I beat the dog shit out of Junebug. And I told him, I don't buy enough grocery for you to create an appetite. You already fucking fat. Oh, my God.

And I just told my kids when they was young, I said, look. I told my son I kill. I said, look, I get food stamps, and I don't get enough food stamps for your weed habit, so we not going to do drugs. We not going to join gangs. We not going to do drugs. It's us, motherfucker, so we're not gonna do drugs we're not gonna join gangs we're not gonna do drugs it's us motherfucker so we're not gonna do it so but junebug is the only kid i ever had that really tried to dab into weed that's a weird way to do it though copy paper well it's terrible for you they will go to the ghetto and buy the weed out of the way i live at they will go over to

the ghetto so i said junebug how much you, how much weed you buy? 1.5 grams. What the hell is that? I don't know. And I called the police on him. I used to do it. What are you? I did. I called the police on him to shake him up, right?

You called the police on him? Yeah, but I said, hey, we black, so leave your guns in the car. So come over here and shake my son up. The police get over there. The police and Junebug's son go to school together. This motherfucker come over there and start crying. We love you, June junebug i said i didn't call you over to fucking cry now we all cry i was crying so that didn't help but eventually i think he's gonna stop smoking now he's gonna stop or start i think he stopped i ran off all his friends i told him i said look

your white son just lost his only black friend i'm gonna fuck your white baby up bring him back over here with the weed then jumbo like everybody at my school say you a snitch i said fuck him i whooped them white boys ass because i called i called all the parents over i called all the parents i said they're over here smoking weed and looking at some little white girl pussy on the phone. I said, Juma, you black. You know how much time you need for this white pussy floating on these phones? Oh, like a girl from the school?

Yeah. Yeah, you can get in trouble for that. Yeah, so I put the, I put the, I Chromecast the picture. And I called all the parents. I said, who white baby pussy is this? Oh my God. You put it on the TV? Yeah, I put it on the TV.

They was pissed off at me. Look, keep these bitches Away from Junebug Junebug and Tim Gray They little dick It's real real small right now He's fat Trying to kill my baby Trying to get my baby

Locked up for some white pussy Junebug you don't fuck With white pussy You ain't got enough dick And you ain't got enough sense Oh my god So So you had the parents

Come over And you had it on the television I had it I said who white baby pussy This is What the fuck did they say I can't believe you did this What the fuck you mean

It was on they phone Your son looking at it too They stormed up out of there They stormed up out They wouldn't speak to me At no No foot Now fuck y'all

I don't need no friends Oh my god I said don't you ever In your life Violate no girl She gave it to one of the football players He just passed it around To everybody Of course Yeah and I told him I said June Buck Think about ever in your life violate no girl. She gave to one of the football players. He just passed it around to everybody. Yeah.

And I saw him. I said, Junebug, think about it. It was your sister, Garyana. He's like, Mama, Garyana ain't getting naked. And if they did, couldn't nobody see nothing. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. But that's just the stuff I went through.

He's the only one that ever really tried me. Because my other kids, you tell like I tell my crack baby I say look I'm going to take you out in public but you got an option do you want the ghetto mom or do you want the soccer mom

and they don't like the ghetto mom because the ghetto mom would knock the shit out of them in public and I give them an option and we get in public and white people

always come to me like oh my god your kids are so well disciplined I said I told them I was going to fuck them up what did they say when you said that they so well disciplined. I said, I told them I was going to fuck them up.

What did they say when you said that? They just looked like, what? I said, you should fuck your kids up too. I tell them, I said, I will fuck you up. Don't play with me. I feed you. When we was coming back from the Disney cruise, they was all playing with those little things that separate, you know, when you're in line.

So I told them like three, four times, stop. My grandbaby was the full crack baby. So they wouldn't stop, Joe. I slapped all of them at the same time. Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat. All the white people were like, what the fuck? I said, what you looking at me for? You want some too?

I asked him to stop about four times. Don't play with me. You know my nerves, man. I've been shot a couple times. Y'all motherfucking know I'm crazy. And I just tell them that. They good kids. They good kids now. Oh, they know i fuck them up i have a lot of bits about them because like the just like i do this bit about i used to do this bit about the teacher school calling me all the time white

schools call you for anything and anything joe i mean just dumb shit black school we tell them look bitch that's your child at 230 don't you wake me up so one of the bits i used to tell one of the bits i used to tell they called me about my niece yolanda because she was sitting at the crayon table with her little white friends and they're talking about their daddies so yolanda said well the next time i see my daddy i'm gonna stab him in the neck and all the white kids started crying and they asked me to come up there in emergency to come up there to talk to them i get up there i'm like ma'am she can't stab her daddy in the neck. The nigga in jail, somebody else going to stab him in the neck. Don't wake me up for this bullshit. So they don't know how to handle anything.

And I had to set the school down. I said, look, these kids are from the hood. They only talk and do what they know. You got to give me time to help them grow. But then they wanted to put them on medication. I said, what we want. Medication? Yeah, because they didn't know how to deal with that. had so so much like their mama was into horn and dad was in

drugs the dad was beating on the mom and they they didn't know how to handle them and i said look we're gonna help them grow together i said well what we're not gonna do we're not gonna put these kids on medication what we're gonna do is surround them with love they so good now out of five years this baby just now passing the I-STEP test. It took a minute to get there, but he's finally there. What's I-STEP? Those standardized tests they give kids. And the kids just wasn't ready.

Right. And, you know, I threw them in this neighborhood. I threw them in an environment that they wasn't used to. And then, you know, they talk their language. You see how country I am. Well, they talk straight streets. Sometimes I'm like, what the fuck are y'all talking about we bowdy bowdy no the fuck you ain't get better sit down if i bust you cross your head we bowdy bowdy yeah they ready to rumble they ready to fight the little boy i'm bowdy about i said put your fucking finger down before i break

it but i had to retrain him because what he saw in the hood it wasn't going at my nice little white school right no well they're adapting that well they they good now they're good now but imagine all the kids that don't and you can imagine because it was you but all the kids who don't have someone like you well my niece is 20 years old 21 she six kids and she in jail for 20 years for knocking on people door and robbing them so her kids is in a situation. So just imagine all the kids. I think about it all the time, especially when it's my family member. But, Joe, I had to realize this. I can't save the world.

You can't save everybody. It's impossible. I try to save one at a time, and that's all I can do. That's all you can do. Yeah. It is all you can do. I can't save the world. I mean, I can't live if I keep trying to save the world.

No. Well, you won't be able to do what you're doing that's helping people, too. One of the things that you're doing that's helping people is you're making people laugh. Yeah. I mean, that helps a lot. Yeah. People fucking need that. They need it so bad.

There's so many people right now with their headphones on in their cubicle laughing their ass off right now. I hope so. Fuck yeah. They need it. People need it. Go listen to the Pat Down. After Joe Rogan, of course. They'll listen to that for sure. They're going to subscribe.

Guarantee you. I hope so. 100%. I mean, you know, I did a show last night at Diverger here in L.A. And a man came up to me and said, man, my dog died today. And I've been crying all day. But I want to tell you how much you helped me fucking relieve. I said, oh, i'm sorry about your

dog did you burn him up did you burn him up he actually started laughing you you know after they died you got to burn him up cremate him cremate him yeah i asked him that he actually started laughing but i mean i get that all the time and you know laughter is what healed me when i was able when i was able to um write my book, you know, started doing comedy, especially like it was one story now about my mama boyfriend who molested me. And I had never told that story over 30 something years. My husband didn't know. Only person knows me and my sister because it always happened to us at the same time with him. And I never told this story story and I remember when I was writing my book the uh lady who co-wrote my book she was like uh you gotta tell the story and I

said well I gotta ask my sister and I get my sister on the phone Joe and I was like Maypop that was a that's her name I said you ready to tell what Mr. John did to us and we both just boohooed and I we told some of the story we got off the phone and it took for me to tell a story. It took almost a week. Me and the writer cried so much because I had I had all of that built up in me. But I'm so happy I was able to tell that story now because that was the only story I had never told public about how my mama boyfriend did me and my sister from the age of probably six or eight to i was 11 years old because i started my kid's father was 21 and i was 12 when i met him so i started having six at 12 so when he started touching me my when i got a boyfriend my mama my mama boyfriend left us alone once you got a boyfriend yeah once i got a boyfriend jesus christ

so that was the only story I had never told. But when I told it, I felt like I lost 20, probably 100 pounds. I felt like it, but it didn't go anywhere. But I just felt a relief. Yeah. So I know laughter. I just know laughter does a lot for me. So I know it does the same for other people.

God damn, you've had a crazy fucking laugh. And I laugh at every inch of it, too. Well, that's the only way you can. I mean, what you've done is you've done the ultimate take a negative and turn it into a positive. I try. I try really hard. But you really have because your sense of humor is so fucked up. But it's because of your life that it's so funny.

I mean, that's why it works. If you had a cushy life and you were saying the shit that you're saying, it wouldn't be funny. No, it wouldn't be. No. And that's one of the things with my husband. Like when I was sharing with my kids, father shot me and beat me. You know, most of your listeners kind of know who I am. They know my background. And one of the things when I started sharing my life, my husband had that protective mode. He didn't want me to, you know, he knew how negative the world could be when I started to share these stories. So I could see where he wanted to step in and protect me. You know, when people would judge me and, you know, like I dropped out of school in eighth grade. When my husband went to the military, he had a mom and dad, he had a way better life than me. So he would always be there to, like, be that protector. Like, when I was like, oh, they think I'm stupid or they think I'm this.

And I just, I just, he helped me grow a backbone to say, fuck what people think about you. I mean, because there was so much screwed up stuff in my head. Like, one of the things my mama taught me about white people, like, I didn't deal with white people. I mean, let's be honest. I'm from the hood. There was a police or the fucking, or the caseworker. My mama told me, she said, white people. I mean, let's be honest. I'm from the hood. There was a police or the fucking other caseworker. My mama told me, she said, white people are better than you. Never look them in the eye, never fucking devil.

So my whole life, Joe Rogan, I was scared of white people. And when I wrote the book and I told the lady this, when I would see white people, I would immediately look down. Well, that's what the slaves used to do. And that's what the book lady taught me. And I was like, I can't look him in the eye. And then she was like, why? And I told her the story. And I told my husband the story.

And he said, Pat, he said, we're all the same. Your fucking mama is stupid. I used to tell a bit. I said, the only difference between me and you, white woman, is my titties is bigger than yours. But I was in my late 20s when I learned that. Because when I moved to Indianapolis, I couldn't talk to you. My words were stumbling. And I would immediately say, I'm stupid.

And I would look away. And when I started coming to Indianapolis and my fan base turned white, and I was like, why the fuck y'all like me? Get away from me. I'll pick up the shit out of you you I used to say that to myself and my husband sat me down and was like Pat we all the same your fucking mom is stupid I'm like we are and I was in my late 20s but I had never ever dealt with white people like I dealt with when I moved into that community and I'm glad because it taught me a lot as a young girl out of the out of the inner city of atlanta that we are all the same the problem the problem with this country is we don't fucking talk yeah no communication well there's that and then there's that these communities stay the way they are like whether it's baltimore where they

had it set up or black people literally weren't allowed to buy homes outside of certain areas or any inner city like you know inner city in houston or new york or anywhere where the neighborhoods stay the same yeah they stay the same for a generation after generation yeah crime poverty all the drugs everything stays the same and they don't you know joe my kids you know my kids are fucking they blessings they don't realize how blessed they are and sometimes i get so pissed off at them. Like they go to this really nice high school where I live in Indiana. They get their little laptops and, you know, they get new books every fucking year.

Joe, when I went to school, it was so many niggas name wrote in that same book where it had done checked it out every year. You had to flip a page and you had seen Ramon,on tyrone three pages of kids who had that book before you and it pisses me off because you know i look at it and i was like well this is the old curriculum where you know these my kids are getting a new curriculum every year and it's still like that in certain parts of america and it pisses me i was like y'all you guys don't realize how blessed you are. You come in, throw a fucking, this fucking thousand dollar pad on the floor that this school done gave you, take shit for granted. Like my daughter would literally hold up the school bus because she wanted to walk slow because she was fat. So the lady called me and was like, Ms. Pat, every day I got to wait on Garyana to get on the bus. And I've asked her several times

to be at the bus stop when I get there. And I ma'am leave that bitch leave her you leave that motherfucker she'll get there on time but you know you you just they pamper them in my neighborhood i said don't you dare pamper my black kid leave that bitch because i'll leave you ain't you ain't in the car when i get in the car bitch bye bye my kid no you better get in the car for mama get in the car. Bitch, bye. Bye. My kids know you better get in the car for mama because she'll leave you. I fuck you. You don't walk to school. I mean, my daughter would come in the house one time and say, I need you to take me to Starbucks.

I'm like, why? Cool kids come to school with Starbucks. I said, bitch, you better go to school. You better. I said, it's night. I said, you crazy. You think I'm going to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning and take you to Starbucks? You better take your fat ass to Starbucks at night and get you a cup and put you some hot chocolate in the morning.

I'm not going. I'm not getting up at no 6 o'clock to make you cool. But they do that. Right. It's a status thing. Yes, a status thing. Come bring me my lunch. I left my lunch.

I tell my kids, if you leave some, you didn't fucking want it. Because I'm in a bed with no wig and no bra and yesterday pussy. I'm not getting up. Yesterday's pussy? Yeah. How's that work? Because I went to bed last night and they ain't watched it before they called me. Oh, so it's yesterday's. It's yesterday's pussy.

So I'm not getting up. You crazy as hell. I'm not. Nobody gave me nothing. Do they understand that no one gave you anything? Hell yeah. Do they get it? They get it.

Yeah, they get it. But they like, nobody want to hear your poor stories. That's not true. No, listen. That's not true. Look,

my cable A lot of people want to hear it. Thank you. My cable got cut off one day, right? So I go in the house and my cable cut off and I tell my husband,

I was like, did you pay the fucking cable? My husband, oh my God, I forgot to pay the cable. Go turn the cable on before the kids get home. I was like,

fuck these keys. You know how many times I had to look at a fuzzy TV and thought it was snowing? I'm not going to bed. Fuck these kids. I don't care about these kids. But he broke his neck to pay the cable bill because he don't want the kids to ever know what it's like to not have light gas. Fuck these kids. They fat.

They can miss a cup of milk. Joe, I didn't cut that cable back on. But he broke his neck he did he came home and cut it on i don't i don't i don't go out the way for you i love you but i tell you i don't love you like jesus do he love you unconditionally i would stab the shit out of you i loan my kids money you gotta pay me back my daughter called me she said can i borrow three thousand dollars i said bitch you got the wrong number three thousand you had to buy her a car i don't got nothing to do with that shit i got my car joe my car paid off i drive a little old ass cruise that mccracken mccracken niece left i

bought for her that's what i drive every day my shit paid off i'm not buying you no car well bitch you was on my phone bill for three years you never paid your phone bill so how you gonna pay me back three thousand dollars what'd she say to that i call you back i said i bet you i said this is my money i worked hard for this money i know you was there when i was selling crack and forging check but you had joys and nice shit i know that your life was hard but if you had to live it over over again, I mean, it made you who you are. It made me who I am. I wouldn't change anything.

Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you, but it's a fucked up thing to ask someone when they tell you they're molested by your mom's boyfriend. And that, you know, you had a baby with this guy when you were 14 and he's married and another one. And by the time you're 16, you're pregnant with a third. Yeah. No, no, whatever.

Selling crack and shot in the tit. No one would ever ask you to live that life again, but you, you wouldn't change it. I don't know, Joe. I mean, it made me who I am,

but I always, I look at life like this. Um, I think I would, you know, everybody couldn't have dealt with the stuff that I dealt with it like I dealt with it. Like some people commit suicide, people always depressed. You know, I kind of feel like I was a chosen one. God take you through something so it can, you know, to make other people see.

Maybe I was put maybe I took burden that everybody else was going through in life, and I was just chosen one, and then I bring it out and make it funny. So I'm here to let people know it's okay. Yeah. It's okay. It's not about how you start. It's about how you finish. Right.

I don't dwell on shit I don't have control over. I can't change the past, but let's laugh today. And I tell people every night on stage stage when you can laugh about it you got control of it that's a powerful thing to be able to look at your life like that and just take ownership yeah you know like my first kid's father he hates me he fucking hates me you know why because i'm not that little girl rabbit anymore that he had control of that he beat and you know i was a little girl searching for love. In this whole situation, I learned to love myself, Joe.

Are you still in touch with him? Yeah, I talk to him. He be cussing me out. He's lucky he's not in jail. Yeah, that's what I be telling him. I'm like, dude, you're a child molester. He's a child molester. You're a child molester. I'm not a child molester.

I remember when I needed closure. And I was out here in L.A. And I'm starting to tell these stories about my life. And I just wanted him to apologize. You know, he shot me in the back of the head, fucking beat me. So I wanted him to apologize. And I was like, why do you need him to apologize? I just want to hear. I just want to say, Rabbit, I'm sorry. So I call him up and I said, Darryl, we started talking. Oh, shit. I said his name.

Darryl, you're going to jail. So I call him and I ask him to apologize. And I said, I said, how can you fuck a 12 year old and you grown and you married? You know what he said? He said, your mind and body wasn't 12. And that shit kicked me in my fucking chest like a horse and i boohoo and that day joe i decided i was no longer gonna ask him to ask for you know to ask me to forgive him i decided to forgive him i forgave my mama i forgave my mama boyfriend

and everybody else that stepped on me and i said said, no longer am I ever going to want to come. I know. I say from that day on, I'm never going to ask y'all for forgive. I'm never going to ask you again. I decided to forgive you. And that day I forgave him, my mom and her boyfriend and everybody else that ever violated me because it was so many other people that I don't still don't talk about. But I forgave him. That's a very powerful thing. And I'm happy. That is a very powerful thing. ever violated me because there was so many other people that i don't still don't talk about but i

forgave him that's a very powerful thing and i'm happy that's a very powerful thing if you can forgive people who've done terrible things to you and you haven't done shit to them yeah the people that want them to apologize they chase them down they want to get back that you're eating yourself up you're eating yourself and i was eating myself up because i just wanted him to say i'm sorry rabbit and he never said it. Well, once he told you that when you were 12, your mind and your body weren't young, you got to realize you're talking to a fucking idiot. An idiot.

And I called my husband and I was crying. He was like, Pat, why you keep, I just want him to ask me to, I just want him to say he's sorry. That's all I want him to say. And he was like, Pat, why? And I remember hanging up the phone and I got on my knees and I rarely get on my knees Joe and I got vertigo so I don't get on my knees for shit and we know what I'm talking about so I just I asked for forgiveness I mean I forgave him that

day I forgave him and my mama because him my mom and her boyfriend John is the three of the people that I hated the most because she didn't protect me and when we once tried to tell her that her boyfriend was doing that to us you know he wouldn't listen she wouldn't listen because this man was providing it was the only time in my life that we didn't get evicted because he was touching me and my sister he was always saying well if you tell your mama y'all gonna get put out y'all ain to have no food. So we always thought we was happy. We always thought we was happy. So, you know, but I forgave him. And, you know, they was already dead, but he's still alive. He's still alive.

My kid's father's still alive. And you want to know something crazy? And I never told anybody this. So people are like, why you don't go to your mama's grave site? You know, a lot of people are like, I don't like fucking with the dead. I figure they want to rest. Leave them the fuck alone. They don't want to hear about this lovely this lively shit i don't go to her grave y'all because that motherfucker put himself next to her

wow he buried himself next to my mama so i said fuck both of you i'm not going up there he's laying right next to her wow Last time I was there Before he died I was there cleaning off some ants On top of a grave And you know I'm young I'm probably She died when I was 16 Probably 16, 17

I go out there with a gas can Pour it on top and light it on fire To get the ant bed off I'm gonna set the whole fucking grave off That's how you That's how you cover the ants You pour gas on it And let it on fire?

Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, my God. I haven't been back, Joe. I haven't been back. You don't need to go back. I won't go back. He's next to us. So he wanted that control, so he got it.

Fuck him. I'm never going back. Jesus Christ. God damn, Miss Pat. never going back jesus christ god damn miss pat every every time i talk to you i think i've heard it all oh shit joe we need to give me some um some oligarch wine i can tell you a hundred and other fucking stories some what wine olive garden that wine yes i love that shit i drink a glass of that and i tell you a million fucking stories i was telling a story i just started writing a bit about how my mama used to was a crap shooter and before she shoot the dice she would line up her five kids and she would rub them on our vagina

up on our titties that was good luck for her what she would rub the dice on your vagina and your titties She's like Rub these dice on your pussy For good luck Oh my god And if you crap How old were you? Probably five or six Oh my god

What the fuck? I don't want to tell the whole story Because I just wrote a bit about it So y'all wait till I finish The fucking bit It's fucking hilarious You're not going to do it tonight? No I'm not going to do it tonight

It's not all the way done But my But when I My friend was like Pat you gotta be lying I said I called my brother I said Bo

That's my oldest brother He buy a race you're right We say My mama say we got the same daddy But this motherfucker got good hair So we know We know That's

That ain't no Jerry Carl So I said Bo You remember Do you remember When mama used to shoot dice She said, yeah, she was rubbing on my

motherfucking nuts all the time. My friend was like, you know it's some shit when black people go like, who the fuck raised you? Oh my God, i can't breathe oh oh did i fuck up your son oh my god i'm crying i can't breathe holy shit god damn it's pat and you know i still laugh i love to laugh. I fucking love it. I know you do.

You make people laugh. You're one of the funniest people I've ever met. Wow. Thank you, Joe. It's a fact. Fuck. What a life you had. God damn it.

It's so hard to listen to as a person who has kids. It's so hard to think about you being a little girl having to go through that and you know it used to people say oh pat you should get counseling but honestly comedy has been my counseling it is a form of counseling for sure i was able to share with shit that i had i was angry about i'm no longer angry you're making people laugh i'm making look i'm fucking crying over here i'm literally crying yeah i mean you know then you meet so many people who kind of have a story like you people i was like oh miss pat you're telling my story thank you so much i had a black lady tell me one time she was like i had my baby at 13 how can you talk about that i said, I'm happy. And my child didn't have the life that I had. So I'm happy.

You know, the only thing I ask for my kids, I ask you, college ain't for everybody. So I'm not going to force college on you. But what you do owe me is a high school diploma. And you do owe me the prom because I didn't have an opportunity to do none of that shit. So all of them went to the prom.

I picked out the outfit and every one of them graduated from high school you know my daughter was the first one in three generations to graduate high school and the first one to ever go to college now she didn't finish but hey my my youngest daughter just finished criminal justice she have associate's degree and you know every time they do it they's like i'm going to the prom for you they graduated high school they gave me the high school diploma my daughter was like well i just graduated from college here go your degree i was like bitch you kumladi kumladi or whatever the fuck it is you know i'm talking about straight a's yes kumladi yeah that's what she was she was kumladi so i mean she didn't she didn't go to her graduation she's she she didn't want to go to graduation. So she booked it. She had two options.

So she booked it on a day I was out of town. But she she's my first child to graduate college. And I look back here. I am with an eighth grade education on GED. And I was able to keep my kids from going down the road that I went down. And, you know, most most most kids try to make their parents proud. I try to make my kids proud to let them know it's not about how you start, it's about how you finish. You know, I had to admit to my oldest daughter, you know, I used to sell drugs in front of her school.

And, you know, I had to wake her up one time and I said, I want to apologize for being such a horrible mom in the beginning. But I was fucking 14. You know, she was in houses where they had shootout ads. She saw me sell drugs in front of her school. I said I made a lot of fucking mistakes. But I'm sorry, because I did what everybody else was doing in my community, trying to survive. And that was one of the hardest thing as a parent because a lot of parents hide you know their past when they kid but I literally went to my daughter and I you know because she hated me Joe she fucking hated me she's like why

do you have to sell drawers in front of my school I said because I was here first bitch bitch but you know i think you know we we have we have a relationship now you know and then i went off to jail and i missed her going to uh to kindergarten and then i i grew up in a community where if you was gay something was wrong with you you know my daughter she gay as fuck she eat everything in Atlanta so she pac-man with the pussy Jesus Christ so you know I had to I had to deal with that too because she ran off for a while when she when she wouldn't you know when I she didn't want to tell me she was gay because I mean I had this thing where if you were gay was something wrong with you I fucking hated gay women. And I used to say this on stage. And I used to say, white men, when you hate niggas, there's a good chance your white daughter

going to come home with a big dick nigga. It will open your fucking... My daughter came home and she was gay. And it opened my fucking world to the gay community. And now, I remember when my daughter came out and somebody was like, you must be ashamed that to the gated community and now like i remember when my daughter came out and somebody was like you must be ashamed that your daughter's gas uh-uh bitch your daughter's a hoe so your daughter gonna take way more dicks than my daughter do okay and immediately i love my daughter i love all of my kids and and i told ashley that's her

name i said it's not about i had to learn it's not about, I had to learn, it's not about your sexuality. Do what make you happy. And I will support you to the end. As long as you happy. Because you saw your daddy stomp my face and shoot me and mistreat me. So do what makes you happy. Just don't do drugs, bitch. But do what make you happy. What made you not like gay women before that?

Because I was raised in a black community. If you was gay, you know, we are the biggest biggest motherfucker black people who would throw a gay child out tell you something wrong which we talk to hate you know especially that old school black community that's why so you know people you know why is that i don't know joe that's just how we was raised the black church drilling in your head you know if you gay you're going to hell and you know so what happens with gay people in the black community a lot of them leave and never come back back in the day a lot of them wait to you know they fucking mental problems i don't know like i didn't i don't remember a gay uncle anybody so but you know i know we as a black community you have to hide you had to hide back in those days

so I was taught if you was gay it was you was it was something wrong with you and when my daughter came out to be gay it opened my fucking world up and I was like do I judge my daughter over sexuality or do I love my child because it's my fucking child and I remember not seeing her for three years. She just running. She had dropped out of college. She was going from state to state. Damn near homeless.

A lot of them be homeless. And I said, look, Ashley. I said, are you gay? I just want to hear it for myself. She was like, yes, ma'am. I said, well, come on home. You can eat pussy in Atlanta. It's cheaper.

And my child came home. And we built a relationship. And I you know i was wrong i because she heard how i talked about gay people in the house it's almost like when you hear your boy if you if you white and you hear your parents i was nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga then you you want to know why is he talking about nigga you get curious and you go outside and like it ain't what you think it is so when she came out and you know she when she came out, it opened my world. And I'm happy. I'm happy for my baby. And I tell everybody, my daughter will eat the shit out of you.

She will dick you down with a scrap phone. But she happy, Joe. And that's what it's all about. You know. That's all you can ask for. That's all I can ask. All I ask is that she get a bitch that treat her right. Now, she's a hoe right now.

But, you know, new girl every six months. Well, this new girl she got, she been sticking with her for a long time. I like the last girlfriend. We used to call her Bigfoot. But she got rid of Bigfoot. Why'd you call her Bigfoot? If she was a boy, she'd have played professional basketball. Big old feet.

Big old bitch. Where you get that big bitch from? Bitch taller than LeBron James. But I liked her a lot. Her her new girlfriend she growing on me so but it's all about being happy it is all about being happy you you've you've done an amazing thing with your life thank you you took a terrible beginning and turned it into an amazing present you know you're one of the funniest people i swear to god you're one of the funniest people i swear to god you're one of the funniest people i've ever met you're a like a big time professional comedian people love you i mean i i think what you've done is amazing to come where you started

from and to be who you are now that's it's amazing thank you i mean and i tell people all the time i'm a convicted felon ain't shit else i can can do. Either you laugh or I'll rob you tonight. But you're great at it. You know, it's it's not just that you had a hard life. You had a hard life and you worked hard to become a great comic. Well, I had a hard life and I wanted to save my kids in the beginning. I just didn't want my kids to go through what I went through. So that was the biggest fight i was like y'all ain't sticking y'all thumb in my baby asshole that i'm sorry y'all ain't gonna do that to my children but you're not going to jail you're not going to drop out you know i just i just wanted my kids to have shit that i never had which was a life you know and then you know

one thing my book is about, I was searching for something. I wanted a family. I never had a family. I never felt love like I feel today. You know, I got a family. I go home to a husband that see me two times a week, but he still fucking love me, even though he say not at all. He's being funny. Yeah, he's being funny.

But I know I'm loved, Joe. I know I'm loved. And I never had that as a child. I plan vacation. They be like, oh, we got when i plan vacation they be like oh we gotta do this fuck yeah we gotta do this do you know you want to know what it is to be without a family fuck it mama we going with you we won't we don't want to hear these horrible stories when i booked that disney cruise they was all pissed out but they had a fucking ball and it was 22 of us and we was there as a family and that's all i don't care to go when i go take him to the lake or take him i don't care to participate i just want to know i

just look at him and say oh my god i got what i fought for my whole fucking life a family to be loved and i'm loved joe that's beautiful then that's all i ever wanted That's beautiful I don't give a fuck about the fancy car I care about the nice wigs But But listen You and Junebug You're gonna start this YouTube series I promise You're gonna work out together

And then The Pat Down Is available on iTunes It's available everywhere Your book It's still out there It's doing really well It's called Rabbit

Rabbit Right Nominated for NAACP Image Award And we're working tonight 10.30 At the Comedy Store Thank you

Thank you God damn That was funny