The Joe Rogan Experience - #1331 - Alonzo Bodden

Episode Date: August 6, 2019

Alonzo Bodden is a stand up comedian and winner of Last Comic Standing Season 3. His new comedy special "Heavy Lightweight" premieres on Amazon Prime on August 23.

Hello Alonzo. What is up Joe? Good to see you my brother. Man it is so good to be back. It's my first time seeing the new joint. It's absolutely amazing. Yeah I thought you'd been here at the new spot. No like I said you were building this when I did the last one and this this is when you said you could do everything here it's like, this is the bunker. I don't live that far from here. Come on down. So when the bomb hits, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to Joe's spot. Well, if you're in the neighborhood, you want to use the gym. It's always open. Thanks. Come on down. I'll bring canned goods. Bring water.

Bring water purifiers. Yeah. If the shit hits the fan. Bernie had me nervous. Bernie Sanders was just here. He had me nervous. About? Climate change. Whenever me nervous about climate change

whenever someone brings up climate change it's like a bill that you didn't pay like ah fuck yeah it's it's real and okay so now i'm gonna do my first shameless plug for my new special when is it out now august 23rd on amazon prime it's called one of the new wave of amazon specials i'm very excited about this yeah they're they're testing the water so it's good to be in so uh it's called heavy lightweight and i call it that because i do some heavy topics and then i mix it in with lightweight shit because that's like if you do all heavy right like it's it's wow that was depressing yeah and you know and i talk about the climate change thing but it's like to be honest like, I'm a black man, 57. I got, what, like 10 years left?

I don't give a shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, statistically, God bless you, millennials. I wish you luck. But I had a good run. No kids. Nah. By the way, you look amazing for 57. Thank you.

Black don't crack. Well, and this is what I talk about. Right up until the day it does, right? So, like, literally, right until the day before I die, I look great. And then, what happened? Some bitch up until the day it does. Right. So like like literally right till the day before I die look great. And what happened? Some bitch died from what black been black his whole life. Shit just caught up with him. You got fucking diabetes, sickle cell and high blood pressure in the same day.

A wave of malady. But no, but the climate change thing is real. But I think the big problem is it's slow. It's not dramatic. So people, it's easy to not think about it because, you know, yeah, the ocean's rising, but it's an inch a year. Right. Which, you know, I may not, that may not be exact, but you know what I mean. It's not a lot.

Right. So people don't, people don't see it with the urgency. So people don't see it with the urgency. And I think that's why you have the young Congress people talking about it because they're like, hey, this is going to be in our lifetime, right? But then you have the older generation where it's like, eh. You know what's interesting? I'm pretty sure, and we should check this, make sure this is correct. And I think we learned about this from Randall Carlson, that the increased CO2 rates also increases vegetation. Because vegetation and greenery, they use carbon dioxide.

Right, they use carbon dioxide, right. Yeah, the increased rates. Actually, this is like one of the greenest times ever. Yeah, but I wonder how does that offset versus the there's less land for these plants to grow on. You know what I mean? Like, so when you look at, like, rainforests, jungles, things like that. This is the opposite of that. What does it say?

That it makes it harder for them to grow. What article says that? Is there any articles that say that's not the case? Because it seems like that's not the case because it seems like uh that's not something randall would lie about he was talking about how um this is like one of the most uh green times ever and the increase of forest and and green trees honestly i guess i'm seeing both of them then so the very first things that pop up are high carbon levels make it harder for plants to grow from think progress second thing increased carbon dioxide levels and air harder for plants to grow from ThinkProgress. Second thing, increased carbon dioxide levels in the air restrict plants' ability to absorb nutrients.

It's from science.gu.se. It's another country. I think Sweden. Then NASA says. ThinkProgress. Sounds like a bunch of fucking hippies. Bunch of tree-hugging bitches. NASA says, though, it's making it greener for now.

Yes. So I would buy that. The thing about. And isn't this funny? With science, you have to check because you have to see if there's a political agenda. Click on the NASA one. You have to see if there's a political agenda behind the science, right? Yeah.

Oh, for sure. But with NASA, I'd go with what NASA says. So they say, scroll back up, please. CO2 is making the Earth greener for now. scroll back up please uh co2 is making the earth greener for now and then it says uh a quarter to half of earth's vegetated lands have shown significant greening over the last 35 years largely due to rising levels of levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide according to a new study published in the journal for natural climate change on april 25th yeah see an international team of 32 offer authors from 24 institutions in eight countries led the effort, which involved using satellite data from NASA's Moderate Resolution Imaging

Spectrometer. And the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's advanced very high-resolution radiometer instruments to help determine the leaf area index or the amount of leaf cover over the planet's vegetated regions the greening represents an increase in leaves on plants and trees equivalent in areas to two times the continental united states blah blah blah so randall was right i think but i think uh either way we're fucked and then on top of that we'll just be we'll all die in a very green planet how much if everything melts if the polarized caps melt like where can we live in south dakota or some shit i don't know i don't think so make it in i i don't deep inside you know i don't think so like like uh you know they want california to

fall into the ocean right you always You always hear that, the Texas. It's like, yeah, and the tidal wave will kill you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Tell everybody. So I don't know. I don't think that's safe because it would be such a drastic change. I mean, right?

So much of the Earth's weather is controlled by the polarized caps, the magnetic poles, the rainfall, glaciers, and it's all interconnected. Right. That's why the hurricanes are getting stronger, right? Right. Isn't that speculation? Yeah. So if you lose – like the oceans control the Earth's climate because the – having to do with evaporation and so on. By the way, for sure you shouldn't be getting weather information from you or me.

Listen, we got two expert scientists here. We've been talking about this for minutes. And thinking about it for hours, all told, over our lives. But no, it's real. But it is something I think it's definitely younger people are going to be more interested because it could be a major thing. Like if you're 30 now, when you're 60, this could be a real, real big issue. It's a bad time to buy real estate in Miami. No, you don't.

When is a good time to buy real estate in Miami? When you got a lot of coke in your pocket and you look at a party. You found out you have stage four cancer, but you do have a large bag of coke. You know, I love that you mentioned that because this has been a thing. So the weed industry being legal, right? And they say there's all this money that people can't figure out what to do with, right? The banks don't want it. Miami was built with cocaine money.

What happened to those money laundering guys who cleaned up all of that money, built all that real estate? Where are they now? It's a different era. I can't believe that there's not people out there who can figure out how to clean this weed money and boost the economy. They will be able to figure it out but it's going to take a long time and the people that are trying to figure it out right now like the the weed dealers that are selling it legally but then they have all the stockpiles of cash they've had their have to they hire hire mercenaries and they hire blackwater

guys and shit fucking special ops guys to watch their their money they really have to my old uh condo i rented out right so i was renting to a guy his business was he handled the credit card transactions for the weed places for the dispensaries and stuff and you know the bank shut him down and this and he didn't pay to rent like and i was like i got the only guy in the weed business who can't make money. Like, I'm renting. There's one guy in weed who can't. I was like, listen, man, I take cash. Just pay to rent. Like, how can you?

You're selling weed. Everybody's buying it. You're selling weed on credit cards. And you can't pay your rent. How did I end up with this guy? People are flying here to get some weed. Yeah, they're flying into California. Yeah, they tour now. They tour now.

It's weed tourism. And my guy, nothing. You know who really took it on the fucking chin is Amsterdam. Remember when people were talking about going to Amsterdam? Let's go to Amsterdam and get high. Yeah. You can get high here, stupid. Right.

They still got hookers and windows, though. That's true. They still got that. That's true. But who's been there before you? If you could just see the line of, if you see a video montage of all the guys coming into this hooker, like, just over the last couple weeks. Joe just ruined Amsterdam tourism.

Yeah. The Amsterdam tourist board is like, why is he picking on us? What did we do? Well, they have good fights over there. But they fucked up when they made mushrooms illegal. They stopped people from selling mushrooms in the cafes. Now, is that because it's – why would they do – I don't understand why they would do that. Because I was going to say it's something that they can't regulate.

No, it's – dorks go over there and blow their brains out. They eat too many mushrooms and freak out and try to jump in the river and, you know. Yeah. That's what it is. It's dorks go over there and blow their brains out. They eat too many mushrooms and freak out and try to jump in the river. And, you know, that's what it is. It's dorks. It's always dorks. They ruin everything. Yeah. You know, it's one of those.

It's weird. It's weird to me because it's like, listen, if you can't get a handle on your drug tourism, you know, just don't do it. But I don't know. It can be done correctly. I think if you want to do Drug tourism correctly First of all You need to check people Make sure they're okay

Find out what kind of medication They are And do a blood test on them Find out what kind of medication Oh look You're on SSRIs You didn't even tell us Hey stupid

You're not supposed to Take this stuff Right This is going to fuck you up Next Yeah And really Really test them

Then You know Find out about their Psychological history And start them off with a nice light dose. Today, today's Tuesday. Today we're going to give a nice light dose, like a half a gram. We're just going to see how you react. Yeah, that would be it.

Just, you know, this is how much you get and see how you react. Exactly. And then come back on Wednesday. I want you to think about it for 24 hours. Come back on Wednesday. And Wednesday we're going to give you two grams. Yeah. Let's see what's up. And then they got on Wednesday. Right. I want you to think about it for 24 hours. Come back on Wednesday. And Wednesday, we're going to give you two grams. Yeah. Let's see what's up.

And then they got to cut you off. Yeah. And then you come back on Saturday and you get that five gram dose of goodness. Whoa. Yeah. Just do it right with doctors nearby and IVs filled with vitamins. I'm sure that's why they don't because who's going to pay for all of that part? Dorks.

The same dorks. I'm sure people would pay. If you could save up your money and have a real safe mushroom trip, like a legit safe mushroom trip at a medical institution where they've got everything locked down and everybody's safe and the mushrooms are safe. And yeah, people would pay a few hundred bucks for that. Well, I haven't done mushroom, but would that- No. You want to try?

No, no thanks, man. I'm retired, man. You know that. From everything? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about this.

When did you retire? 88. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean- Did you ever get did you retire? 88. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. Did you ever get the itch? No, no. I've been high enough that I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

So when you talk about it, it's fascinating to me. But then there's also that case of now I don't want to be that high. You know what I mean? And again, I don't knock what anyone else does does but this is what i wanted to ask you if you did it under those medically supervised conditions would it still be as much fun yeah it's fun no matter what as long as they leave you alone while you're tripping yeah as long as they don't bother you you know okay that i mean i like say i have no idea i have no frame of reference to so i can't can't say that would not be cool. Do you fuck with CBD at all?

No. That's really good for you, and it doesn't get you high. Yeah, I know. And again, I don't necessarily have a reason to fuck with CBD. I'm not in any kind of pain or anything like that. But I don't knock it as a treatment. I know it does work and there's benefits to it. It's just not something that I need or that I do.

It's like the knees. My knees are kind of trash. But when I work out and stretch and warm them up, it's not bad. And I've talked to doctors and doctors like, yeah, eventually we're going to do a knee replacement but you don't need it now what's going on with your knees arthritis just you know you don't have to do a knee replacement you know stem cells stem cells which is something i may do my mom did it i know i've heard you talk about it and that might be the way as a matter of fact i have a friend um and she's like in her she's around 80 and she said yeah that's what they did for her knee they did stem cell my mom had her knees replaced before she passed away and she said

yeah that's one of the things you inherited from us bad knees it's like in the family like thank you but but she also made me funny so i couldn't really be mad at her she had great so i was like all right i'll take the funny and the bad knees the bad knees are workable yeah i'm telling you cbd first of all is going to help that because it reduces the all the symptoms of arthritis like dave foley he his hands were fucked up he had like some severe arthritis in his hands cbd completely cured it he couldn't straighten his hands out his hands were always at like a slight bend and now now he's got a full range of motion in his hands. He's blown away by it. Yeah. My knee problem is impact. Football or basketball?

Basketball. Yeah. So your meniscus and all that stuff is all trashed. So even now, I can't jump. I can run. I can do something. I did this CrossFit. I tried CrossFit, and my knees swole up, and I went to my doctor, and he's like,

CrossFit? What the hell is wrong with you? You jumping up on boxes? My doctor's diagnosis for 90% of my problems, you're old. Don't do that. You got to go to a different doctor, man. You can fix a lot of those problems with stem cells, a lot of those problems. It regenerates tissue, reduces inflammation.

It does a lot of amazing stuff. and and i haven't researched this at all i mean you know i've heard stuff up my my stem cell knowledge is about equal to my climate change well mine is slightly better right because i've actually had a bunch done on me well this is what i wanted to ask you about so i know when you talked about it early on you went overseas right you left no no you did get it done here so that was my question because i've heard people talking about going to panama panama asia dr reardon you know i don't think you want to go to asia yeah they're doing over there but dr reardon who's the guy who treated mel gibson and mel gibson's dad he actually treated my mom My mom was in risk of a knee replacement.

You know, she's in pretty, you know, pretty bad pain. And the doctor's like, you got to get a knee replacement. I'm like, okay, maybe you have to get a knee replacement. I go, but before you do that, let's send you to Panama. And they'll, they'll do this full three day stem cell procedure. They use IV stem cells. They, they, they blast the area over three different days they hit it with stem cells and you know my mom is 73 so it was a while before it worked she you know for the first four months she was a little discouraged she like I don't feel anything different you know I don't know if this is working and then then somewhere around five, six months, she started feeling a lack of pain. And the pain just stopped being a part of her daily life.

And then now she could walk, and it's not bothering her. She goes, I'm walking with no pain. I can walk up hills with no pain. And she goes, I want to do it again. So I was like, fuck it. Let's send you down again. So she's headed down again to get more of it. But you did it here.

Yeah, I did it here. Yeah, I did it here. Well, I think – Now is there a difference? Yes. They can go ham in Panama. They go ham. I mean, they just fucking fill you up. They just bring a fucking bucket of stem cells, big-ass needle, bang.

They don't have the same regulations that they do in America. So they can get away with a lot of different stuff. And Dr. Reardon, who is one of the pioneers of this, and he's written multiple papers, and he has scientific journals all about the benefits of stem cells, and is particularly effective on people with neurological conditions, people with neurodegenerative diseases of the like. And he's written extensively about all that stuff but when he came on i mean he he blew me away and i had already had some success with stem cells in america where like i had a full-length rotator cuff tear in my shoulder right and they

uh injected it with exosomes which is like the most advanced form of stem so they so there was the they used to think is stem cells, they felt like when you put stem cells into an injury, that the stem cells were re-proliferating this area with new tissue. But now they think that the stem cells, and I'm sure I'm butchering this if you're a scientist, now I think they think that the stem cells are releasing exosomes and that the exosomes are actually what does it. So now they just go straight to exosomes and then they inject exosomes into these particular areas. Now they have another product called Wharton's Jelly that's even more potent that I just got shot into me. Anytime I get injured, man, I just fucking head on down.

I'm like, what's the purpose of having money if I'm not fucking shooting myself up with all these juicy stem cells? There you go. But it works, man. I don't know if I got stem cell cash. I probably do. You do. You do. It's not that bad.

Okay, so it's not that. Yeah, you're a successful headline comedian with a fucking Amazon special. No, I do. You're Alonzo Bozeman. Listen, I do all right. You do fine. I tell people, I do all right. I don't make as much as they think, but I do all right.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Because when people see you on something, they're like, oh, well, you got $10 million. Like, no, I don't. I'd like to, but I don't. But yeah, so okay. Well, we'll talk about that. And we'll talk about-

Well, this Amazon special might push you to the top. I hope so. You know, I mean, you know me. I've been in the biz forever. I love the biz. I love the- I appreciate the love you give me on the podcast. People always tell me when you or some gets, oh, yeah, man, they were talking about you, you know.

And I appreciate that, right? KRS-One said a long time ago, respect will outlast cash. Yes. You know, so I appreciate that. I appreciate you too, man. But, yeah, it'd be nice to have something blow up like that, right? I think you can. Because so many times it

it happens in careers so uh well they're doing a lot of specials now they got gaffigan is doing amazon uh russell peters doing amazon you who else someone uh jimmy o yang's got one yes coming up does he have a amazon fame and why does he have an amazon but there's a lot of like really funny people that are doing it. And as long as they put the money into promotion and let people know, I mean, they're doing great right now with Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Yeah. And they have a lot of new Amazon Prime series, like that Fleabag's supposed to be hilarious.

They have a lot of good series that they're promoting that people are really getting into. And if you have Amazon Prime, like if you order shit with Amazon, you get free. You get free. Amazon TV. TV, yeah. People don't even know that. I know. I know. And if you have Amazon Prime, like if you order shit with Amazon, you get free Amazon TV. People don't even know that. I know. I know. And it's good. Yes.

You know, Amazon is legit, good streaming. Super legit. Yeah. I'm rooting for them, 100%. Yeah. And there's, you know, look, Netflix has almost, I mean, they have got the market kind of cornered until Amazon came along. Because nobody wanted to do them on Comedy Central anymore.

Comedy Central's great. It's better than no special, but it airs once. That's the problem with Comedy Central. It airs once. Not in this day and age, man. I think HBO is still the big one. As far as television? Yeah.

Yeah, as far as a TV one hour like HBO is great. But Showtime was good to me. Showtime put on a couple of specials. Well, Showtime made Sebastian. Oh, big time. Made Sebastian. Big time. He just clicked with Showtime.

And it's funny how that happens because you really can't say why certain ones do. And that's no disrespect to sebastian it's just yeah certain things take off and others don't and it's like well i mean it was really good i mean oh yeah no like i say no disrespect to him no sebastian he's a great comic he's he's been around he's worked you know i mean it's not like he just fell out of the sky got a special and didn't have anything behind it no No, the guy's a comic. He's real. But before him, who – well, you know who blew up on Showtime?

Gallagher. He might be the last guy that blew up on Showtime before Sebastian, right? I mean, if you stop and think about it. Yeah. When – who the fuck else? It's like Sebastian and Gallagher. Those are the guys who blew up on Showtime Let me think

Who else Yeah that's comedy wise Dana Gould had a special on Showtime Who else Showtime did a few Like Billy Gardell had the new comics thing He did he tried to break some new comics on that Oh like a Rodney Dangerfield type deal

But yeah you're right Yeah He tried to break some new comics on that. Oh, like a Rodney Dangerfield type deal? Mm-hmm. But yeah, you're right. Yeah. But again, that's where our business, like this business is fickle, right? Sure. Because they're always trying to figure out, you know, why is this a viral video? You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, man, that squirrel got more views.

We spent $8 million producing this series and that squirrel got more views. We spent $8 million producing this series, and that squirrel got more views than we. And it's like, why? No one knows. Yeah, if you're just trying to concentrate on making things viral, you will go fucking crazy. Yeah, you can't figure out why people connect to this one thing, even though others have done it or done something similar or whatever yeah and then yeah it's a tricky fucking business and then how about youtube like russell peters blew up because of youtube absolutely worldwide blew up unbelievable

and and you know people and it's funny because people here, they don't realize how famous Russell is. Well, it's great. Because he's not that famous. He's not as famous here. No, he can hang out over here. Yeah. He can go places and he lives here. Right.

He's like got the best of both worlds. Because that motherfucker sold out the O2 Arena two nights in a row. I know. That's like 20,000 plus people. You know who's like that? Jimmy Carr. You know Jimmy? Oh, sure.

Yeah, he's hilarious. Yeah, Jimmy plus people. You know who's like that? Jimmy Carr. You know Jimmy? Oh, sure. Yeah, he's hilarious. Yeah, Jimmy's hilarious. And like internationally, Jimmy is unbelievable. He's a monster. But here, like they check his ID. Yeah. You know, like he'd pull out the black card and they'd be like, let me see your ID. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I mean, he does those roast shows over here and stuff along those lines. But yeah, he doesn't have nearly. But he's working here more often. Yeah, he's developing. I saw him in Montreal, and he said, yeah, he's developing his audience in the States. So now he's doing small theaters here. He says, obviously, if he goes anywhere where people from the UK are, like so when he's in a big city and there's a lot of Brits, then he can sell out.

Like New York or Boston or something like that. Yeah, he's a great writer. Oh, man, that guy's funny. Sharp. Just, yeah. And so British, like so dry and completely inappropriate. Yes, yes. You know, that's what I love about him.

We do, in Montreal, we do this benefit show for Hope and Cope. And it's like a rehab medical facility. You know, there's some cancer patients in there and people other. And Jimmy just opens like, yeah, I got to hurry up. I don't have much time. Well, I have time. That was his opening joke. And they loved it they they just they fell out you know and he's like uh any of you here last year no probably not anyway how do you think at this point most comics go to

montreal to hang out with other comics oh absolutely we call it summer camp man yeah you see you know yeah you see friends and and like i see him there every summer right and then you see people who you just don't see or don't bump into you know regularly and you're regular or whatever and you get to hang out yeah and then there's always new people you meet like this year i met nick kroll who was cool he's's great. And, you know, because I like Big Mouth, his cartoon. And Pete Holmes. And Pete Holmes was hilarious because he was doing this thing at the roast called Mean Pete. So he was doing like a completely different character.

Because, you know, Pete Holmes, a nice guy. And he was at the roast just destroying people. And he just kept yelling, Mean Pete. You know, so. But, yeah, so that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's fun, man. Yeah. I haven't been in forever meeting him well that was the first time i don't know if you remember i definitely remember it's the first time you and me hung out when was this which year like 90s yeah it was it was damn we're old yeah so it was 99 it was my second time in

montreal right and i'm doing comedy I don't know about six years so I'm still like new like I but but I knew you from the um from Laugh Factory and from around town and you were hanging out with Kevin James and I think he had just got his show or he just finished his first year of his show whatever and you were like come on and I jump in a cab and we went around doing spots and I'm like and you, and you'd already been on news radio. And I'm like, fuck, I'm hanging out with Joe. And like, we're doing spots. You know what I mean?

Like, as a new comic, you're like, holy shit, this is the coolest shit. Because I could get in because I got out the cab with you two. So they're like, yeah, yeah, you can do five. So I still remember that. That was fun. But that's what Montreal is. So now I'm that guy. Right now, I've been to Montreal so much.

I got people calling me in L.A. asking me about Montreal. They told us to call you. I had Chris Spencer calling me to get spots on shows. I was like, Chris, I don't book it. He's like, yeah, but you know. And then I was able to get him a spot, so I guess I do know. I guess it worked. Yeah, but the problem is if it works you know then you're the guy they call yeah that's uh

so if you listen if you're listening to this podcast no i can't help you do they still have a bunch of different venues we can do drive around and get spots not no not as much everything's booked now you know you know the big now? There's a lot more TV. Remember back then there were like two or three people had hours? Yes. Now there's like a whole series of one hours that they're taping. Kevin Hart did the whole LOL thing there for a couple of years, so he was taping all of that. So there's a lot more.

TV is more involved. This year there wasn't a whole lot of netflix the last two years there was a ton of netflix and netflix was doing a bunch of half hours and they were filming them in yeah they were filming them at the festival that seems weird to me it seems like the festival is supposed to be fun it's not supposed to like film a special i think it's still fun in that like you said you see other comics and you get to hang out. But there's not the development business that there used to be. Right.

That's not there. But the content business is there. And they figure, like, we got all these comics in one place. We'll set up cameras and we'll shoot. Bang, bang, bang, bang. I think that's so there's less of the there's still some shows where you could just you know jump on and it's friends of whoever and the midnight shows they still do that they have like a whole midnight or they could midnight surprise or

whatever you don't even know who's on the show that day they call people like hey you want to do a spot and they still have the nasty show they still the nasty show is still huge they do they do the ethnic show now remember they used to be that's what they call it well they used to be like the the wise guys was the italian show right and then they had the jewish show and then they had the uptown was a black show and this and that well now they've combined all of that and they call it the ethnic show and they have they'll so there'll be just different comics on there from different ethnic groups i've hosted it a couple of times it's a lot of fun do they expect you to do ethnic material no some you do some some people do some some don't i i think my

favorite one one year i was hosting it natterman was on it dan natterman who you know natterman hilarious guy and he was like yeah ethnic yeah i'm. Yeah, I'm a Jewish comic from New York. That's such a rare find. Ethnic is a weird word too. Isn't everybody ethnic? Yeah, but it's there, you know, it's the right title for catch all. And also the other big thing is Canada, it's not as, they're not as hung up on it right so you're not as worried about being politically correct or or hurting someone's feel you know i mean like they understand yeah

this is a comedy festival and people are going to say shit that is inappropriate and and do and and being friends you know we make fun of each other right and it's so yeah so your ethnic group may come into it but not from a point of racism or hatred or judgment just it's fucking funny that we're the same or different in our ethnicity or in our background and we can uh we joke about it does uh comedy works exist anymore up there? Went under, right? Unfortunately, the works went under. Didn't Jimbo take off?

Yeah. Vanish somewhere? I don't know what happened to Jimbo. I don't know. I'm not sure what happened to him. Jimbo was great. That club, that was the epitome of comedy, right? Yeah. You go upstairs.

There's 150 people in a 120-seat room. Is it even that many? It was 120 seats, and the fire marshal would have shut it down every night, right? Because if there was a fire in Comedy Works, it would have been a horrible tragedy. But the energy was like you get on that stage and just kill. And it's like, yeah, we got the gala over here. We got 3,000 seats in the most beautiful theater you can imagine. But you really want to see, you really want to have fun.

Go upstairs to Comedy Works and sweat. You're literally sweating for 15 minutes because there's no air conditioning. It was terrible. It worked. Heat rises, so we should put this place upstairs. Well, when they wanted to stay warm in the winter yeah and they have like a little comedy scene like a local scene yeah and they still have they still have some places like there was one i was working i can't remember the name of it but it

was the same kind of vibe it was like an upstairs bar that they converted for the for the festival they put in a hundred chairs and 100 chairs, and it was great. And that's where they were doing Midnight Surprise. So that venue is still really cool. And then they have the Theater St. Catherine, which is like this small stage in a long room. Yeah, I did that one more time. And that one still has, you know,

so there are still some places that have that funky comedy vibe. I mean, you know. But that Comedy Works room, is it still there? Could somebody like turn it into a- I don't know. I have no idea if it's there or if it's been redeveloped. But yeah, Works was- That was the shit.

That was the great, that was the fun room. That was where you ran your set before you do your, you know, gala or TV taping or whatever. And it would just kill. Yeah, it was crackling. That was the first time I ever saw Lenny Schultz. You ever see Crazy Lenny? Do you know gala or tv taping or whatever and it would just just kill crackling that was the first time i ever saw lenny schultz you ever see crazy lenny do you know crazy lenny no he was a hilarious guy that was right when i was coming up he was just at the end of his run at the end of his career he's this wild crazy old man who'd bring props on stage but it was like his attitude was like he's so fun just just a maniac like he would he would pull up a you know a smoky the bear doll and he was like only you can prevent forest fires and he just yells fuck you and he punches his bear in the face it didn't make any sense and on paper

it sounds so stupid but i know what you mean. You're fucking holding your body. You couldn't even stop laughing. My favorite random funny thing like that. There's a guy still touring as far as I know in Canada called Mel Silverback. You ever hear of Mel Silverback? Mel Silverback. Half Jew, half Silverback mountain gorilla. And he would wear the tuxedo with the big ruffled shirt like the old Catskills comics. And he wore gorilla hands and a gorilla head.

I'm telling you. And he would do these old Catskills style jokes. With a gorilla mask on? Oh, man, Joe. He auditioned for Last Comic when I was a judge. We were falling out of here. Jane Goodall. She's a whore.

You should have seen her with those chimps. It was disgusting. Like he was doing this. And apparently he's a thing in Canada. Like he's a late night dirty comic towards Canada. But it was the dumbest thing. But to see it, I mean, we were pounding on the table. We could not breathe because it was all old, cheap one-liners like the Catskills.

And he had the suit. And he was a gorilla. And he would put it all in. So it was all from a Silverback Mountain Gorilla point of view. Like, what's your point of view? Silverback Mountain Gorilla is how I see the world. But the good thing about that act, too, is he could die and somebody could just take his spot. Yeah,

somebody could take over, you know, and the thing was we picked him for last comic, right? But then this is where TV kills comedy.

So now he's on primetime NBC and he can't do that. Like you can't say she's a whore and you can't do everything that made him funny

was like, no, the censors won't allow it. So now people are like why is he wearing gorilla hands yeah it just so sad yeah tv just rips the guts out of comedy again let me see what makes you funny okay let's not do that do you remember gallagher too yeah remember his brother you couldn't afford gallagher. Yeah, Gallagher was doing giant theaters, and Gallagher, too, his brother, was doing little comedy clubs. I would see it in places that I was working.

When I was coming up, it would be like, oh, and then next weekend, it's Gallagher, too. I'm like, what's Gallagher, too? Didn't they get into a fight, like a legal fight over ownership of- Because Gallagher wanted to come back. Yeah. See, Gallagher apparently temporarily retired, and he sold his act to his brother, Gallagher, too. And his brother looked a lot like him. And he just basically picked up a job.

It's like having an affiliate or like a- Like syndication yeah you syndicated the act yeah you just you know like if you if you want to buy a 7-eleven yeah well like the blue man group like there's different blue man groups around the country yeah yeah that's true but there's no like what if it was a blue man right if it was just one blue man maybe that would be but so galler's gallagher's brother took all the jokes and the props and started buying watermelons and sledgehammers and just toured the country. I would love to be in court when they had that fight. Like, Your Honor, here's how I smash a watermelon.

And here's my brother. Here's how I smash a watermelon. Like, how do you decide? I think it was just a matter of whether or not he could continue to do the act but i mean is it his last name gallagher is it a real name so it is leo was the original and ron is the brother but they're both named gallagher right it's like if a girl breaks up with you and you fuck her slightly less good looking sister it's like i don't know if this is right quite yeah quite. Yeah. So that's, I think, right here is the OG. That's the original.

That's the original? This picture here would be the brother. Is it? Wow. Are you sure? Yeah. I picked up this. Wow.

That is, yeah. I wouldn't want to be that judge because that. The Ballad of Ron Gallagher, blog foot? Yeah. Someone must have read the story about it. Wow. So, yeah. It was close enough. Yeah. So you would kind of story about it. Wow. So, yeah, it was close enough.

Yeah, they look kind of like brothers. It was Gallagher. How weird. And so then after a while, I think Gallagher got tired of being retired. And he said, I'm coming back. And his brother's like, well, I'm fucking going to continue doing this act. He's like, no, you're not, bitch. You have to find a new way to make a living.

But I bought it from you, right? So I own it now. Like you being in your probably 40s and your brother, who's like of a similar age, just picks up comedy and just starts doing your routine like 100%. You know, although he calls himself Alonzo too. Yeah. That's crazy.

Well, Charlie Murphy could have done that, right? He sounded enough like Eddie that he could have. I mean, no, he wouldn't. But what I'm saying is he could have done it piggybacked Eddie. That's such a different way of talking. Yeah. I mean, his way of talking was so much more aggressive. Yeah.

Graspy. Yeah. I miss that dude. Yeah. I had a good fucking time with him, man. We did a whole tour of the country for 30 days. Oh, nice. Me, him, and Heffron.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. We did this Maxim Bud Light tour. You remember with those, the real men of Bud Light, where they would sing? Yes, yes. Real American heroes. Yeah, I remember those commercials, yeah. The guy who sang was the lead singer of Survivor, the Eye of the Tiger guy.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. So we were on tour with those guys. So those guys would sing songs, and they had little punchlines they would do with the songs. And they would have a local guy, which is actually how i met tom segura i met tom segura because we were doing the hollywood theater or celebrity theater whatever it is in phoenix and uh segura was the opening act the local opening act okay flowing them in and i think he did like five or ten minutes and he was hilarious that's why i became buddies with him and started taking him on the road with me.

But then there would be the Real American Hero guys, and then it would be Hefron, and then Charlie and me. And we did 22 dates over a month. We had a great fucking time. I only met him once, but he was real cool. I met him in Vegas. And just, you know, one of those. It was a dirty at 1230. We were doing a dirty, and he came by, and we just hung out backstage and met him for a minute.

But, yeah, he seemed cool. Couldn't be cooler. That was maybe a year, a year, maybe two years at most before he passed away. He did my podcast in the early, early, early days. We always talked about doing it again, but he never did it again. But he had some great fucking stories about Mike Tyson, about visiting Mike Tyson. And Mike Tyson was outside with a tiger and nobody wanted to get out of the limo. Well, you know, the tragic thing about comics, right, is when a comic dies, his act dies with him.

Yeah. You know, whereas singers, somebody else will sing the songs, but when a comic goes, so when you have some, like Patrice, that's all gone. And so many comics, like, yeah, when they're gone, that act is gone. And you remember it, and it was hilarious, but nobody can do their act after that. I think there was a guy that was doing a Bill Hicks tribute show and he was doing bill hicks with all bill hicks material and he dressed like him and how far did that go it died that day yeah i don't know exactly see if you can find that there's a i think they were trying to do that almost like someone trying to be like mark twain like you could do a samuel clemens one-man show and read the works of Mark Twain with a goofy mustache on.

Right. Well, it's like in Vegas, the Rat Pack. They can do that. Right. But it doesn't work with comedy. You could do the Rat Pack. You can't do Don Rickles. Right.

You can't do it. No, you can't. Yeah. Vegas is a weird place for fucking impersonators, right? That impersonator life, I can't do it. No, you can't. Yeah. Vegas is a weird place for fucking impersonators, right? That impersonator life, I can't imagine it because some of them are so deep into it. Like I, we worked, you know, I do these jazz cruises and they do other cruises. So they had an 80s cruise and we had a Michael Jackson impersonator. And this guy stayed in character for the whole cruise to where you want to say like, yo, man, you know, you're not Michael Jackson impersonator and this guy stayed in character for the whole cruise to where

you want to say like yo man you know you're not Michael Jack like I mean he was like getting off the ship in port you know what I mean like you when you go to the shops or have lunch you know what Michael Jackson the whole outfit outfit. The hair, the makeup. Whoa. Yeah. It was weird. And, you know, it's kind of a strange talent, right, to be like, yeah, I'm this person. So what if that person didn't exist?

Who are you? What's your thing? Who are you? What's your thing? And I heard the Prince guy is like that. I don't know, but I've heard that there's a Prince guy who had surgery to look more like Prince. There's a few Michael Jackson guys that had surgery to look like Michael Jackson. What do you got, Jamie? First, Google Images just changed it, and my mic just fucked up.

So this stuff looks weird now, but I found something, a show that was done about 10 years ago where a guy did a show called Bill Hicks' Slight Return where he did a show as if Bill Hicks was still here 10 years after his death. Oh, with like new material? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. That's even worse. That's disgusting. That's even worse. I'm going to project what Bill Hicks would have thought of today's world.

How dare you. Yeah. It was in London. yeah that london it wasn't fucking london settle down london stop trying that's what they need to get alex jones to be bill hicks give him a little more hair but i think that's the closest thing i could find that we were talking about oh there's been a couple shows okay Okay, maybe I read it wrong. Because I could have swore there was a guy who was doing Bill Hicks material. He was doing it again. What is that Bill Hicks dark poet? Is that actually Hicks?

The lower right-hand side, the blue one? Keep going. Bang. What's that? Yeah, that's it. That's not Hicks. That's the guy that pretended to be Hicks. That's the guy. That's the same show I that's not Hicks. That's the guy that pretended to be Hicks. Yeah, that's the guy.

That's the same show I was telling you about. Barf. This show, Hicks saw life as a ride, but this show is a bumpy journey. That show's death. Oh, yeah, no, this is a different guy even. He did a show called Dark Poet, but the same kind of thing. Stop. Look, the way they dress, everything.

Stop. You're not from Texas. Shut your mouth. Go home. Go home, you fuck. Write your own act. But that's the thing about comedy. I'm going to go to Edinburgh and pretend to be Bill Hicks and hope nobody here has ever actually seen him. Get some surgery. Look like Hicks. The Michael Jackson people, you got to get fucked up surgery. Yeah.

Not regular surgery. You got to get the fucked up chin thing. fucked up surgery yeah not regular surgery you got to get like the fucked up chin thing it's a it's the weirdest like again like you say to be an impersonator and now i guess queen is you know big like as they make these movies right so now people are going to want to be they want overbites yeah i want to get an overbite get some mercury can you can you mess up these teeth yeah They probably have to wear fake teeth. Yeah. Body, young man. He had some crazy ass teeth.

What a talent that guy had. But he said it helped his voice. Really? That's what he said in the movie, that he said he could sing at that range because of his shape of his mouth, which may be true. I don't know. I don't know how it- How does he know?

He's never had a different shaped mouth. That's true. Yeah. Well, whatever it was, it worked. He's making lemonade. That's what it is. But you're right. That talent, who's like that now?

Are there bands like that now? Because Queen kept, every song was different. Like, you knew it was Queen, but it was completely different than the last hit that they did. Yeah. That's what was crazy about it. I think those bands that grew up with no internet, they will forever be unique because it was a different world.

And the kind of creativity that it took to become those bands like the kind of creativity that it takes to become the who you know like try today the world is like a different place like they they develop touring and like the beatles they develop touring and performing constantly and writing. And I mean, sure, they were influenced by other bands, but not nearly to the extent that people are today. Yeah. And also, there's kind of a conformity today to the marketing. Like, we want you to be this so we can sell it. I was playing Earth, Wind & Fire for somebody, and it was one of their instrumentals. And I told him, I said, well, you was playing Earth, Wind & Fire for somebody and it was one of their instrumentals.

And I told him, I said, well, you know, Earth, Wind & Fire would also play jazz with Ramsey Lewis. Like they were the same musicians. And they were like, oh, because I saw them once and they were doing this whole jazz thing and I wondered what it was. And it was like, yeah, they were actual musicians. And a band like, can you imagine showing up now

with a band like, yeah, there's 27 of us. We got a horn section in addition to that. They'd be like, what? No. Like, we're not paying for actual musicians. Like, those bands had horn sections and rhythm sections. It was a lot of people. How did they make money?

Well, they charged a lot for tickets. They would have to. Well, you know what else? You got 27 people on the stage. Records. Right. Records were real. Records.

So record sales, like when you sold a million records, you made a lot of money from selling a million records. And then you had, you know, those bands, like I did one of these 80s things with War. And the number blew my mind. But then I realized that war sold over 50 million records right and but then when you think about it yeah they had a hit every summer for like six seven years right like why can't we be friends a low rider um on it they had a whole list to hit like every one of the songs would start playing. Like, oh yeah, I know this song.

I know this song. You know? 50 million. 50 million records. And how much do you think each record cost? 10 bucks? Yeah. Yeah.

What more records? $9.99 or whatever? Something like that. So that's 500 million dollars. Yeah. And they probably got, they had to get what, at least a buck or two bucks off of each one after everybody else took their cut. Yeah, and then all the touring money. Yeah.

I was talking to someone who's in a band now, and they were explaining to me that these record companies, they don't just take your record sales anymore, like iTunes sales. They now take merchandise merchandise they take touring money when you sign you sign to an all-exclusive deal because the record companies can't really justify their existence anymore because they can't really sell right you can't so yeah because all the musicians i know say the only time they sell cds or records or whatever is at the live show like they they have to go out and sell. They're like us now. Right, merch. They got to go out and do merch. They didn't have to do that before.

It's like, yeah. But imagine buying a CD now. Who's buying a CD? Yeah. You look at it, what am I going to do with this thing? I don't even have a slot for it. Well, yeah,

that's what people say when they buy them after shows. They're like, you know, and I joke about it because I have CDs and download cards. You sell CDs still? It's generational. It is literally the line is right at about the age 40.

If they're older, they want a CD. And I said, so if you try to sell them a download card, they're like, I'm not paying you for a business card. What is this? Right? But then if you get a younger person and you try to sell them a CD, where am I going to play this? My grandfather's house? Computers don't even come with a drive anymore,

like a disc drive. But records. People like records now. People want to buy vinyl. Why don't you sell vinyl? Because that's a small percentage that want to buy vinyl. But I think your crowd,

like you're into jazz and shit? Nah, they're buying, you know what? Jazz fans still have CD players. Like they made the switch from records to CDs and they're like, that's it. I'm not going back. I'm not getting the records out of the garage. So there's not a record industry for jazz? Some, but it's for the, yeah, there's some, but it's not big.

Blue Note's doing, but it's not big. Blue Note's doing – Blue Note jazz label is doing records again for their artists. But they're selling to the younger people, not the older people. Older people aren't buying turntables, new turntables to play it. That makes sense. Where is a good jazz place in LA? Like, if I wanted to go see jazz. Man,

you know, the crazy thing about LA is all the jazz musicians live here and they all say, well, we don't play here. There's no money to be made.

So there's, So why do they live here? Because it's LA. They record here, you know, and they tour. I'm trying to remember the name of it on Sunset.

Catalina Bar and Grill on Sunset is good and Vibrato here you know and they tour um i'm trying to remember the name of it on sunset catalina bar and grill on sunset is good and vibrato on uh beverly glen is good vibrato is owned by herb alpert oh really yeah so is this something like you you'll go out like on a wednesday night or something like that you'll go see some no i i do more um i i love going to festivals yeah i love going to jazz festivals um i'm guilty that i i'll go to a jazz club in new york more so than i would in la really yeah why because it's more the vibe the vibe in new york it just fits that's where they come from and that's where they jam uh but but i've been to i've been to a few times. I'll go. Definitely, if I know somebody who's playing there, I'll go see them at Catalina.

I've never experienced good jazz. I'm sure it's real. I know you're not dumb. No. There's got to be. I got to. Man, this. What is this, Jamie?

This is Catalina, but Dick Van Dyke performs there kind of frequently. Right. He performs jazz? That's the only reason I know of it, because it's on Sunset in Hollywood. Oh, there he is. Dick Van Dyke performs there kind of frequently. Right. He performs jazz? That's the only reason I know of it, because it's on Sunset in Hollywood. Oh, there he is. Dick Van Dyke pops up there. Is he doing stand-up? No, he does jazz. He sings.

What? See, but this is the thing, and this is the thing about jazz. So you see that. Now, call up a guy. Look up. Hold on. I want to hear some of this. Before I swing.

Oh, here goes. Is he got a cigarette? Yeah. Hold on, I want to hear some of this. Is he got a cigarette? Yeah. Okay, stop this immediately. Yeah. What is that? That's old acoustic jazz. But that's the jazz that keeps people from listening to jazz.

Yeah. You know, that's the jazz people are like, oh, never mind. You look up a guy like Robert Glasper, who's just this brilliant young keyboard player, and he has two bands. He has the Robert Glasper Trio, which is just a jazz trio, piano, bass, and drums, which are brilliant. Then he's got the Robert Glasper Experience, which is his electronic, electric band. And he'll have everyone singing on that from like Layla Hathaway, Donny Hathaway's daughter, who's a brilliant vocalist, to Lupe Fiasco, to Mos Def. They all perform together. He hangs out with the Roots. The Roots have a jam session in New York that all these jazz artists come to.

So that's what's going on that I love. It's really, I mean, jazz has always been the most creative music. And that's why I love it. These guys, they're masters of their instruments, and it's all about creativity. And even when they do covers, it's great because they do it in such a different way. Like Robert Glasper experienced, the first time I heard him, they did Smells Like Teen Spirit. And I was like, thank you.

Can he look at it? He can look up anything. So that's the kind of thing in jazz, you know, um, my buddy Marcus Miller, who's this brilliant bass player who was, he was Luther Vandross's musical director and he did all the music for Luther, right. And that was all great, but he also produced music for Miles Davis, you know, and he's done stuff again with anybody from like, you know, Bill With's a lot of young jazz artists now who are bringing in hip hop and different genres into jazz that are making it really cool. International stuff, a lot of African sound coming in, Brazilian sound coming in. And these are the guys, Terrace Martin, who's in a group called R&R Equals Now with Glasper. Terrace Martin does all of Kendrick Lamar's music.

Really? See, so that's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, I'll go with Kendrick Lamar. And, you know, I just I need to make five million dollars. So I'm going to do this music. But when I can just create and play and have fun and just be a musician, But when I can just create and play and have fun and just be a musician, then I go to my jazz roots and I jam with these guys in a whole different vibe. Here's right here? Yeah.

This sounds like King Spirit, jazz version. That's hilarious. What is going on with his head? What is up there? Is that hair? Is it a hat? I can't help you with that. That red stripe? I got nothing. What's happening there? Is that a? Is it a hat? I can't help you with that. That red stripe?

I got nothing. What's happening there? Is that a hat? That's a hat, yeah. That can't be his hair. Interesting. So he's using a vocoder, so as he sings it comes through the instrument. Wow. These guys got to be high yeah no way around

it well that part of jazz never changed yeah that's miles davis has always been fascinating to me like all the people in musical history like he's always been like with this one dude but i was like wow i would have loved to have met that guy. Me too. He's so fucking intense. Marcus, you know, played in his band and knew him. I would have loved to have seen him, just to see him live. Because, you know, he did a record called Kinda Blue, which is the biggest selling jazz record ever.

He did it in 59. It still sells thousands of copies a week. Like, it's still a big you know kind of blue is the standard but he also played covers of like human nature and time after time like in the 80s he was doing covers of that wow you know so so again that that was the thing about about a jazz art like he was like yeah well it's good music so so I'm going to play it. Like, I don't care if it was written by Cindy Lauper or, you know, Duke Ellington. If it's good music, I'm going to play it.

And that's what's so cool about it. But yeah, so those are places. But when you go to the jazz festivals, you know, whether it be the Playboy Jazz Festival, Newport Jazz Festival, just like our comedy festivals, where you get a bunch of musicians who are like, yeah, we're all here together. Let's jam. Let's play something.

And sometimes the best music will be random, not part of the set, but like, oh, man, remember when we played together in 97 in Montreux? Yeah, let's come on stage and we'll play. And then you hear something that, again, just like in comedy, when some comics just improv or, you know, they're doing the same thing. They're improv. To me, the big compliment I get from jazz musicians is when they compliment me on my improv.

Because it's like, yeah, you guys are the experts. Like improv is you guys created it. So if I'm doing something and you think it's cool craig robinson you know craig sure he's a talk about both sides like he's got the comedy and music thing and he's respected on both yes he's like the musicians love him and comics love him and he's yeah craig and in montreal craig did a big outdoor show. It was like a block party. Really? The giant outdoor stage.

Yeah, Craig played it. And it was hilarious because he's doing his act, right? So it's a big outdoor thing and families with their kids. And he's singing Take Your Panties Off. And I'm like, yeah, so this, I guess, is the uncensored Craig. But it was hilarious, you know? Very cool. I saw Dizzy Gillespie once when i was a kid when i was in uh i was kind of had to be like second or third grade i was living

in san francisco we had a field trip i went to see dizzy gillespie live and i'll never forget it like you know his cheeks would blow up like a bullfrog right and it was, but that's not even the way you're supposed to play the trumpet. Right. And that's what's so great about it. Yeah. Like nobody, because nobody taught him the right way to play it. So he just played it. Most people don't even know who Dizzy Gillespie is, but if you see him live, you never forget

like that. Right. Like what in the fuck? Like you see his face blow up. You're like, how? How? How are you doing that? How is that real?

But you're supposed to keep your cheeks tight, like the way they would teach you. They would never teach you to do that. And you probably couldn't. I know I couldn't. You know, he just had a way of doing it. I wonder what year he died. Don't know. But I was a little kid when I saw him.

He died in 93. 93. In New Jersey. Damn. I met Arturo Sandoval. And they did a movie about him. Andy Garcia did a movie about him. So Arturo's-

Yeah, he's this Cuban trumpet player. And I want to say it was, he was telling the story, and I want to say it was Dizzy Gillespie, who was in Cuba, and Arturo was like driving him around, right? This is like in, I guess it would be in the late 50s, maybe early 60s. And he asked Arturo what he does. And Arturo's like, I play the trumpet. But the Cubans were like, oh yeah, that's Arturo. All the Cubans knew who he was. So he played. And Dizzy Gillespie and the head, I want to say it was Dizzy, I might be wrong, but they went to the US State Department, the head of CBS Records, and said, we have to get him in the United States.

Like, he has to be here. And they did it. The State Department got an Arturo. Now, imagine this, Joe. How'd they get him? They went to the State Department. It was an artist thing. They said, we want this guy to come to the U.S.

How'd they sneak him out of Cuba? I have no idea. But no, they didn't sneak him out. It was a state-sponsored thing. So he came over here to perform and then went back? No, he came over and stayed. But this was the crazy part. This is the part I can't imagine.

So he flies from Cuba into LaGuardia Airport, and they take him straight to Carnegie Hall for sound check. And he plays Carnegie Hall that night. I mean, can you imagine your first gig, right? Like, somebody saw you, you know, I don't know. Rodney Dangerfield saw you at a club in Boston. And he was like, okay, Joe. Oh, my God. It's a crazy story.

But to this day, but Arturo is like, when he plays the trumpet, you know it's him. He hits notes on the trumpet like only dogs can hear. He's famous for his super high notes and stuff like that. But yeah, that's what I love about it. So I love the creativity. And then Marcus was telling me, because he's from New York, from Queens, 70s, 80s guy. He said, well, you know what happened with hip hop? He said, one of the things was they took music out of the schools, right?

They don't teach. You can't take an instrument anymore. They were like, it's out of the budget, blah, blah. He said, well, you can't stop people from creating. So these guys, they didn't have musical instruments, but they had records. So they just started making music with their records. They just started mixing the records and coming up with new sound. it was like yeah that that kind of makes sense if you're musical and nobody teaches you to play an instrument but you have these records you're like all right

well what if i played this and this at the same time right right and then the next thing you know they they made that hip-hop which that that hip-hop caught on. Yeah, that never existed before, right? The idea of mixing two different records together until hip-hop came around. No one ever did that with rock and roll, did they? No, no. And then hip-hop mixed in rock and roll, right? When Run DMC. Run DMC with Aerosmith, Walk This Way.

That blew people's minds. Yes. People didn't know what to do. That was like, wait a minute, that's black and white. It's happening. They can't play together. Yeah you know yeah and adidas adidas was like yes they can and they're wearing adidas while they do did you ever um listen to any of the brand new heavies yeah they did hip hop with the brand new heavies yeah there's a heavy what it's a heavy rhyme experience. Is that what it's called? It's to this day one of my favorite old school, like 1990 style rap slash.

Yeah, the brand new heavies were great. Yeah. They were great. And then you had Living Color, who I still love. Oh, man. I forgot about that. Living Color. Cult of personality.

Yeah, that was a great. And you talk about being ahead of their time. Like, think about that song, Cult of Personality, today. Right. Yeah. Right? That's the CM Punk walkout music. Yeah.

Yeah. And that was another band where they were like, okay, let me get this straight. This is a heavy, like a heavy metal rock and roll band of black guys who are sampling Public Enemy. Right. What the fuck? Yeah. Well, there's some weird, there he is. He had the crazy hair with the shaved sides.

Yeah, and he would wear the wetsuits all the time. Wetsuits? Yeah. Like a scuba suit? Scuba suits. Yeah. He used to jam in those. Really? Yeah. Damn, thatuba suit? Scuba suits. Yeah. He used to jam in those. Really?

Yeah. Damn, that seems like he would get sweaty as fuck. That is what he's wearing. He probably just wanted to show his dick off. Hey, you're a rock star. Why not? Back in the day. You ever see those Robert Plant?

He had these tight pants on. You see his hog. He's wearing a suit. He's wearing a wetsuit. He really is. Wearing a goddamn spandex wetsuit that's so weird that was his thing oh wow they fucking vanished what happened to them they would they came back out they did the 25th anniversary i saw it at hard rock they did the

25th anniversary of their record uh vivid cult of personality yeah and they toured it look at that silly swimsuit wow how crazy yeah that was a great fucking song but you know that's always freaked me out too like imagine being a band you have one song that just out of the park yeah just in the parking lot you know just one fucking grand slam home run god damn we did it this is huge number one song in the parking lot you know just one fucking grand slam home run god damn we did it this is huge number one song in the nation seven weeks in a row and nothing well yeah but but imagine well what they say you got your whole life to write that song yeah and then we got two years to write the night write it do it again but there's also like some bands they just catch fire with what like do you remember warrant cherry pie yeah she's my giant fucking huge song and that was it that dude died near here he died in woodland hills in a

fucking shitty hotel somewhere i'm gonna give you the one hit wonder you wanted okay the twist the twist what did chubby checker ever sing? Oh, my God. Come on, baby. Imagine that. You had the song. That was like. Yeah. That was the shit. What's Chubby Checker's number two hit?

I don't know. That's a great point. But that somehow or another was good enough for him to stay famous. For his whole life. Your whole life, people hire you to play one song. He was the greatest one-hit wonder ever then. He's the GOAT. Yeah, I can't imagine.

He's the GOAT of one-hit wonders. I can't even imagine anyone who's come close to that. Because no one's paying them to sing Cult of Personality. No one's all excited. No. The living colors. Because no one's paying them to sing Cult of Personality. No one's all excited. No. You might have one fan who's worth millions who pays you to come to his birthday party. He treats you like shit. Yeah.

I'll give you an extra million if I can pee on you. Do you remember? And then Living Color, the TV show in Living Color, came out. Yeah. And then it was like, wait, what? How are you doing that? There's already a band. That's not us.

The show far eclipsed the band. Far eclipsed the band. And then they were like, were you named after the show? Right. Like, what's his name? Darius Rucker. How many times has he said, my name is not Hootie? Well, Hootie is back, apparently.

Not Hootie. Well, Hootie is back, apparently. Because Darius Rucker went off and did country music and did that for a long time. But now Hootie's back on tour. Are they? Yeah, man. That was another band. That band was fucking huge. That first record.

The second record fell up. That first record was, I think it was like Sirius or something. But they played it. And then I went back and played it again. It was like, wow, I think it was like Serious or something, but like they played it. And then I went back and played it again. It was like, wow, I forgot how good this was. It's great. Like that album is amazing. But the second one wasn't good?

Not as good, I don't think. That was one of those albums, though. There's something about Hootie where some people despised them. And it didn't make any sense to me. It's like some people just heard those songs too many times. It was too big of a hit. And they were like, oh, fucking hootie. That does happen, though.

Like Dave Matthews. Yeah. When something's too much of a hit and you hear it every day, you get tired of the song. And then you just don't play that. Ever. A buddy of mine, actually, Mal Hall, he's going to love this shout out. So Mal Hall opens for me. Really funny guy, and he tours with Angela Johnson. He hates Happy, that song I'm Happy by Pharrell.

I insist on it being his walk on music whenever we work. Because he gets angry. Oh, he physically, he has a physical reaction because how much did we hear that song when it came out it was like drilled so yeah so now he knows some people it's good for them to get angry before they go on stage joey diaz whenever i'd work with him he would just decide he would pick a thing and it wasn't like like we would talk about this but i recognized what he was doing after a while. And he'd be backstage, and he would pick a thing and just start getting fucking mad at it.

And these fucking pussies, this is what they think America is. This is what they think the fucking world is. And he would start getting crazy. And then, ladies and gentlemen, Joey Diaz. And he would go on stage with that momentum and just mark the place. I've had that happen a couple of times where something just got

i remember uh and it was one of those you know when you do the set you wish you had recorded it yes so i was going to the laugh factory it's saturday night i was on my bike and this guy like it's stop and go right and i'm just and he hit my bike but it was only at like five miles an hour like he just tapped me and knocked the bike over but i'm like i was bright like how did you not see me right and i just went on stage and i just ranted about you know drivers and traffic and this and it was hilarious and it was like gone you know did you record it gone no i never record your sets i do sometimes but i didn't record that one and i wish i had because it was just know, sometimes you just get, something gets to you right before you go on stage.

And it's not written. You just go into a rant. Yes. But it's right there. But that's why it's so important to record everything. Yeah. I record all of them. Yeah.

I have them all on my phone. It's so easy now. Yeah, now. This was before phones. This was before we carried a studio in our pocket oh this is a while ago yeah this is when you know things these are all sets this is when you had the uh the micro cassette recorder yeah i still have a bunch of those tapes those i used to have them i threw them out yeah i don't even want to hear them i um i used to have a little

tiny mini cassette recorder a a mini disc recorder. Yeah, I remember the mini disc. Yeah. That was when Sony kept trying formats. Like, maybe they'll buy this. Right. Maybe they'll buy... So, yeah, we...

Mini disc. Once they fucked them with Betamax, like, you sons of bitches. Did anyone but comics buy mini discs? I set up a mini disc recorder at the comedy store. I actually installed one. I installed a mini disc recorder at the comedy store. I actually installed one. I installed a mini disc recorder at the comedy store so I could record my sets. Yeah. Yeah.

Comics. We used them. I don't know if anyone else did. I mean, it just didn't work. They really never sold music on it. So as a format, it never really took off. But then it was like CDRs. Right.

Yeah. You could record on CDRs. You could record on-Rs. Right. Yeah, you could record on CD-Rs. You could record on CD-Rs. Yeah. All that stuff was like, we thought that was the shit. It was incredible. I could make my own CDs, write on it with a Sharpie. That's technology, man.

It happens so fast. Especially in this era. Yeah, I mean, think about how long records existed for. Yeah. Decade after decade after decade, it was just records. And then all of a sudden, compact discs. And you're like, what? Right.

Because, yeah, because that started, what, around 1990? Like, LaserDisc were first. Yeah. Yeah. So, so. And then they have movies that were LaserDisc, too. Oh, that's my brother. My brother's a techie and, like, an early adopter.

So, he has all that shit in his garage. So, yeah, he's got some movies on 12-inch laser discs. People still collect those. There's like a collector's market. Anything that was out there, somebody's buying 8-tracks somewhere. Somebody's in their home right now watching Top Gun on laser discs, all excited. Yeah, and they invite you over like, hey, check this out. And you're like i can just

hit the remote and instantly plays that's the most incredible thing is like you could ask siri to play a song yeah like like you know like play whole lot of love i can't do that right now. Bitch, listen to me. Hey Siri, Play Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin. Wait, what kind of a world are we living? Yeah. Well, that's like those commercials. And again, getting back to the special, I talk about the arguments between Siri and Alexa. That's going to be the next thing.

I think Alexa's more of a spy. That bitch is sneak. She's listening more. Alexa's listening all the time. Alexa's listening all the time. Siri, you have to talk to her. Yeah. But you hear this story about... Yeah, we think.

We think. But you know, privacy is an illusion now. Like when people, I'm off the grid. Like, no, you're not. None of us are off the grid. So, you know, they say like your social security number, yeah, anyone can find it. Or your credit card numbers. Like anything you do, it's out there well there was a new um there's a new technology that

the government is unleashing that is a weather balloon or a balloon that from 65 000 feet it can watch multiple cars at the same time and track them 65 000 feet in the air like you even see what the fuck's... I mean, you wouldn't even be able to see it up there. But that's not that new. I mean, you know... This is apparently like super high tech. No, I mean, just the idea of watching from that high.

I mean, they've had spy planes and stuff like that. They can, you know... Wasn't that a movie, Eye in the Sky? Yeah. Gene Hackman or something? Will Smith, wasn't it? With the satellites? Yeah, that was a movie eye in the sky. Yeah. Gene Hackman or something. Yeah. Smith with the satellites. Yeah. That was a yeah.

That was a movie where Gene Hackman would like like Will Smith made a phone call and Gene Hackman had to blow up his lab. Yeah. But yeah, back when I was in the aerospace, you know, they had airplanes that would like they're flying at 80 000 feet keeping an eye on things yeah you know and they had cameras and now it's just so much more prevalent and yeah well you know you've got listen man your car right all the new cars have a black box in them that people don't realize like so if you have an accident they can find out how fast

you were going oh yeah when you create or if you have a warranty thing and they're like yeah but you were racing it at 150 miles an hour blah blah blah you know not only that some cars have a box in them where the police can shut your car down yeah like say if you're in a high-speed chase in a corvette or something like that i don't know if it's a corvette but some kind of car like that that's electronically controlled right they literally can get your vin number plug it into a machine and say shut it down yeah they can do that with um on star right if the car is stolen on star just shuts the car off yeah have you seen those new plates those electronic plates yeah i know that's weird well when you call it in like say someone stole your car then the plate changes to stolen oh really yeah i didn't know that yeah now it's you like a little

more down don't you your eyes lit up well it's it's good no because i was thinking how many how come how people can mess with you like that like now that's you're just open for a practical joke somebody like hey man let's report his car stolen yeah right that's true too because who do they know like on the phone they don't know if it's you right and all you need is the vin or something right what do you need you need some sort of second party verification do they send you a text message reply to this if your car is really stolen you know i doubt it yeah good point your ex-wife she's probably like this motherfucker she's calling your car stolen yeah she would have all your info right she's like yeah yeah this son of a bitch every saturday night

or she knows you're doing something yeah yeah do it in a stolen car you bastard this is our our privacy's so deteriorated from the time we were kids to today like it makes you really wonder how far it can keep slipping the only but the other side of the coin is they don't like no most people don't care you know i mean in other words you're not that important like people oh the government's spying on me like right well no they're not because you're nobody like you're not doing anything that they would be interested in. Yeah. Don't flatter yourself. Yeah, exactly.

What did you do? But then there's the other side, like, hey, if you're not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't worry about the government. Hey, they can go look in my email. I'm not doing anything wrong. That's not the point. The point is the government is people. Right. And people shouldn't have access to your email. And who knows what kind of weird shit they're doing.

People shouldn't have access to your email. And who knows what kind of weird shit they're doing. That was one of the things that Edward Snowden said, that the government is sneaking in on people's emails and looking at people's dick pics. They can basically look at all those things. And that's a sliding scale, right, between security and privacy and all of that, that you have to figure out what you're comfortable with. Shameless plug number two, my podcast. Now, I'm part of this new podcast. It's called Fear Not. Who's on it with you? A guy named Barry Glasner. And Barry Glasner wrote this book called The Culture of Fear. And it was all about how fear is used as business, right? They keep you scared so that they could sell

you things, whether it be security systems or there's so much involved in it. And it's about what we're scared of versus what the real threats are. You know what I mean? Like he's like, yeah, they keep you scared of, you know, your kid getting kidnapped in the park. Like your kid ain't going to get kidnapped in the park. But what you should be scared of is the number of drunk drivers on the road. That's real.

And the odds of you getting hit by a drunk driver between like midnight and 2 a.m. on the bar, like that's a real fear. And we talk about it in the context of different things. We did the whole anti-vax thing. And, you know, so what's, yeah, you're worried about your kid getting something from the vaccination, but the greater good is society is protecting itself against measles or whatever disease, you know. So we talk about things like that. And yeah, there's always that sliding scale of personal security or whatever versus the government, you know.

personal security or whatever versus the government. You know, and again, if the government did its job right, you could trust them a lot more. Sure. You know what I mean? Like the government, in other words, this is just my opinion, like taxes. Okay. A lot of people, I hate paying taxes. I don't mind paying taxes because I understand the greater good. We need to fix roads and we want to have good public schools and blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. But the problem is that the government gets the money and then they fuck up. Yeah. So, so that's why you don't want to pay. Cause you know that this politician is paying his brother, who's a contractor to do some bullshit work and stealing all, you know that and and you know what's the solution i i don't know i mean we're all wondering what's the solution i don't think there is a solution on the horizon did you see what happened with neil degrasse tyson that neil degrasse tyson got in trouble for tweeting something the other day after the mass shootings right people are pissed at him because it pulled up pull the tweet up because it's pretty interesting because it's it's just accurate and people were angry and they're saying he's using his platform irresponsibly

and no he was trying to let people know that although these shootings are a tragedy they are a small number of deaths and there's so many other deaths that happen here goes the past 48 hours the usa horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings on average across 48 hours we also lose 500 to medical errors 300 to the flu 250 to suicide 200 to car accidents 40 to homicides via handgun often our emotions respond more to spectacle than to data now that is not a bad tweet but i saw a scientist who was writing i am unfollowing him he is using his platform irresponsibly a lot of fucking virtue signaling really because what what he's saying is not that there's anything wrong with uh you know feeling horrified by these tragedies i mean he, he's saying we horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings.

But he's saying it's interesting that there's people dying left and right all throughout this country all day long, just not at the hands of one person. So we look at it differently. And he's just saying, he's just giving you data as a scientist. And that's exactly what it is. He's a scientist. Yes. And so a scientist can separate the emotion.

Yeah. But people don't. Find his apology because his apology is even more interesting. People will consider a mass shooting much worse than, you know, heart attacks. Yeah. So listen to this this so this is the other thing yesterday i posted in reaction to the horrific mass shootings in america over the previous 48 hours killing 34 people spawned mixed and highly critical responses if you missed it i offered a short list of largely preventable causes of death along with their average two-day death toll in the

United States. They significantly exceeded the death toll from the two days of mass shootings, including the number of people, 40, who on average die from handgun homicides every two days. I then noted that we tend to react emotionally to spectacular incidences of death with the implication that more common causes of death trigger milder responses within us. My intent Thank you. that the tweet would be helpful to anyone trying to save lives in America. What I learned from the range of reactions is that for many people, some information, my tweet in particular, can be true but unhelpful, especially at a time when many people are either still in shock or trying to heal or both. So if you are one of those people, I apologize for not knowing in advance what effect my tweet could have had on you. I'm therefore thankful for the candor and depth of critical reactions shared in my Twitter feed.

As an educator, I personally value knowing with precision and accuracy what reaction anything that I say or write will instill in my audience. And I got this one wrong. Respectfully submitted. And then it says Neil deGrasse Tyson. Now, even that, people are saying not enough, not good enough of a response. It's almost like today, there's certain people today, they don't give a fuck whether or not you're saying something with sincerity, whether you are sorry. They don't, sorry's not enough. Like, they don't, they just want, they want to be mad at you, and even if you're sorry,

if you admit you made a mistake, there's no forgiveness, there's no road to redemption, there's no, there's no, I get what you were doing. I think that it depends on, you know, as far as is the sorry enough or whatever, depends on the pattern of the person. Now, with Neil deGrasse Tyson, this is what I think happened in here this is my opinion he's a scientist so he gives information so he saw this and said oh wait a minute this many people died from medical mistakes this may be and and people didn't react what he doesn't where he messed up with the timing yes you don't say that the day after the mass shooter you say it maybe a week later

or something like hey you know people die in a lot of ways blah blah blah now what he's saying is i didn't know that i'm a scientist i didn't i wasn't aware of the emotional impact thank you for telling me the emotional impact and i'm sorry that i hurt people's feelings which to me is totally legitimate, especially coming from who he is and what I would think the scientific mindset is. Now, there are some people that, yeah, exactly what you said. They decided you're a terrible person for saying this, so that apology isn't enough. There's nothing he could do. But see, there's certain people, right? There's nothing you can do that's going to change their mind.

You know, you look at the Obama birth certificate, right? So even when the birth certificate came out, there's a certain percentage of the people that are still like, well, no, that's fake. Like there was no way he was ever going to be American to these people. There's a certain, you know, you travel, you know, like I do. There are certain groups like you ain't going to get them. Right. Their mind's made up

and they're in their bubble. They're in their whatever it is and they're surrounded by like-minded people. Like you said, like this is the disadvantage of the internet, right? The advantage of the internet

is all of this information. The disadvantage is you find people who only think like you and you only talk to them and you build this bubble. Well, yes. So there's a group of people, a percentage, I don't know however you want to describe it, that decided the moment he said that, this is an unfeeling, horrible person, blah, blah, blah. I mean, my thing with the mass shootings, I'm like, listen, we don't care. We say we, we care individually. Like it's very sad for that family. It's very, to me, the worst part of a mass shooting is somebody went to Walmart that day. They didn't know what's going to be the last day of their life. They're never going to see their family again. Somebody went out to a club in Ohio. They didn't know they'd

never come. That's the tragic part. And that is sad. But in the grand scheme of things, we don't do anything. We say it doesn't work before we even try it. There's nothing we do that changes. Even after Vegas, when they said they were going to ban, what was it called? The bump stop or whatever it was, that thing that helped shoot faster. And then ultimately, they didn't even ban that. You know, so so as a society, we say we care, but we don't because we don't change anything. You got to change something. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Right. Well, we're getting way off track here. But with Neil deGrasse Tyson, the outrage thing didn't outrage me. No, no. It didn't outrage you either, right? No, because he's a scientist. What he said is truth. Yeah.

And data is true. And data is delivered without emotion. And why people were upset is because he delivered truth with no emotion. Right. But he did. He said horrifically. I mean, he was talking about the tragedy. Yeah.

The thing is that just people are looking to be upset. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. People look for something to be mad about. Or something to be outraged about. And you know what that takes away from? It takes away from real outrage.

Yes. Right. Yeah. It diminishes it. If you're outraged every day, then, you know, then, okay, so what's really outrageous? Right. If I'm going to be upset at a scientist for giving me scientific data, what do I want? Yeah.

I guess the timing was the issue. The timing was the issue. But it wasn't an issue with me. I mean, I get what he's doing. I'm not a moron. Yeah. It's simple. He was just giving you all sorts of different horrific deaths that occur all throughout the country.

And I think on that same weekend, there was some unprecedented number of people that were shot and killed in Chicago. Yeah. Chicago's a fucking war zone. It's a war zone. Yeah. And the thing is, you know, people say, well, what about the gun laws? And it's like, yeah, but all you got to do is go to Indiana. Like, you go two hours away and you can get whatever you want.

Just, you know, that's the thing. Just driving a car to a gun show. As a city, Chicago's like, look, we're trying, but we can't. You know, what are we going to set up borders and check every car coming into Illinois? God damn. You'd have to go in every house. Exactly. It's not even good enough.

So you can't do that. Yeah, it's, but yeah, his thing, I think it was a time, and I'm like you, that didn't offend me. I get what he was saying. And then this is. It can't offend you. If you're a rational human is it can't offend you if you're a rational human it can't offend you you know what bothers me when people pretend to be ignorant of something and they're not how so well when people like like for example with this like there are some people like

oh we can use this to to create some dislike against Neil S. Tyson or whatever. It's generally it's generally politicians do it right when they they say something and they're like, oh, I didn't know that was offensive. It's like, yes, you did. But, you know, your followers didn't. You see what I mean? Like you can give me an example. I'm trying to trying to think of an example. OK, well, well, with the mass shootings. Right. So. So the whole thing of saying that Trump's tweets had nothing to do with it. Yes, they did. Now, they didn't directly. But, yeah, it did normalize. And this guy used the same language of the, you know, invasion, et cetera.

So you can't say that it's completely unrelated. You know what I mean? You can't, don't, and again, it's not saying direct, but you can't pretend there's no connection. Right. Right. There's a direct connection because it's quotes. There are people who are intelligent enough to know that, but they'll say, no, no, there's no, and it's like, yes, there is.

And you know, there is and you know there is don't feign ignorance that's what i mean right well you know the guy in dayton who really fucked up one was that guy's an elizabeth warren supporter who actually wrote about gun control i mean he was just a horrific homicidal fucking yeah psychopath and they're they're listen that you have to have some there has to be something wrong with you to do that. You're like even – regardless of your political beliefs, there has to be something wrong with you. But you can be sparked or you can be egged on by the words of leaders or political people or powerful people. People of influence. Perfect way to put it. Yeah, words of leaders or political people or powerful people. People of influence.

Perfect way to put it. Yeah. People of influence. And that's why I think people of influence have to be responsible in what they say. You know, but Neil deGrasse Tyson, this is a different thing. I think this is just a case of a scientist pointing out information without, you know, like, like, uh, you know, you were talking about earlier, dorks, nerds, whatever you want to say to where it's like, yeah, well, this is just information. I'm not trying to be emotional and people like, well, you have to be, you have to connect

you, even though you're from a lab environment, you have to understand not everyone is. But that's, that's a, one of the more uncomfortable things about today with social media is that there's a bunch of people that are really just – they're just authoritarian. They demand certain types of behavior and they do so under the guise of compassion. They do so under – like they're trying to enforce the way people communicate like the Neil deGrasse Tyson thing. There's no indication whatsoever that he was minimizing the no deaths but people are pretending that he's doing so yeah there are some people who believe he did but there are a lot of people pretending to be right pretending to be upset they're finding a nice target right yeah i you. There's too many voices, Alonzo.

Too many words. Too many people out there spewing. Again, that's the. As we spew. The positive and the negative of the internet. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. The positive and the negative.

The positive is everyone has a voice. The negative is everyone has a voice. But there's no. No, there's no – and everyone's – and the thing is the middle, the calmest voices, the reasonable voices are the least heard. Of course. Yeah. Well, that's Facebook, right? Facebook's algorithm favors outrage.

So if you are on Facebook and you get upset about abortion, that's the kind of shit you're going to get in your feed. Right. If you get mad about climate change, there you go. You're going to get a lot of climate change talk. Yeah. That's what's going to show up. God damn, that makes people nuts. Oh, again, and this is living in the bubble. You don't get to hear the other side.

Yeah. And it's not even the reasonable part of the other side. You know what I mean? Like politically, yeah, I'm left. I have friends who I call reasonable Republicans. And I could talk to a reasonable Republican. Can't talk to a crazy Republican. Right.

You know, if you say that the mass shootings are based on transgender marriage, then we can't talk. We got nothing. I'm sorry. I can't talk. We got nothing. I'm sorry. I can't work with you. But if you say that taxes should be lower to stimulate the economy and blah, blah, blah, yeah, we could talk about that. You know what I mean? That's the difference.

And just like on the left, look, I believe in the environment, this and that. But now if you're asking me to give up gasoline, we may have a problem. I may not be ready to go that far just yet. Here's my thought. If there's too much CO2 in the air, can't we make something to suck CO2 out of the air? Why are we wasting it? I mean, wouldn't that be better? To me, there are certain-

Air filters? Just giant air filters? There are certain forms of technology or areas I don't understand. This is the one that bugs me. Can't we come up with a better way to build a road? What's a better way? I don't know, but that's my point. There's some really smart people out there.

What's wrong with roads? It takes forever to do road construction. Yeah, but you can think about what you got to do. Well, that's what I'm saying, though. Somebody's got to come up with a better way. way like when i you know really want more roads well fixing them we gotta fix them just fucking lay down some concrete or whatever the fuck it is like the high speed train thing right like i don't how long you've been in la 94 i moved here okay i moved here in 80. Damn. Yeah. Right out of high school I came here. Wow.

So ever since I've been here and ever since you've been here, they've been talking about a high-speed rail. Yes. From San Francisco to LA to Las Vegas, right? Isn't Elon Musk going to do that now though, the Hyperloop? This is my point. Companies like Lockheed, Rockwell, Northrop, these airspace companies have come up with, you know, stealth aircraft, hypersonic aircraft.

You can't tell me that if you went to Lockheed and said, listen, here's $10 billion. We need a train that'll go 200 miles an hour from San Francisco to L.A. that they couldn't do it. They absolutely, you know what I mean? They have the scientists and the technology. Like, we spend so much money on the wrong shit. Like, I get we need defense and this and that, but let's cut $20 billion to the side

to figure out how to move people around more efficiently because that's what these companies do. These are engineering and design companies. They come up with shit like this. So I've always said, why not just do that? Why not take some of this brain power and this engineering and development and use science for the masses? So now if you had, because if you had that, think about if you could just go to the train station and get to Vegas in two hours or an hour and a half, how many people wouldn't drive if it was that easy?

You know, flying to Vegas is a pain in the ass, right? You got to go to the airport and then you got to go, you know, you're doing all, you're spending an hour getting ready for a 40 minute flight. But a train is so much easier if it existed. Yeah, if it existed. Why is it easier than a plane? Because you just get on and you go and you can do things on the train. You ever, like back east, from going from D.C. to New York, I found it's easier to do it on a train.

It's the same amount of time as going to the airport, flying, getting to your destination. Because cutting out the travel to and from, security, all that time. You just sit in the train and just read or write. You got Wi-Fi. You got every, you know, it's easy. And you go from downtown to downtown. That's the other thing about trains. They don't go to airports, which are way out there.

Downtown to downtown. Where do you travel by train? Like I say, from downtown D.C. to Penn Station. You're like an old-timey person. No, there's an express train i found no you know i found this i found this out from people who do it they were like oh yeah that's the best how long is the ride three three and a half hours oh that's not bad yeah yeah if you're definitely it's better than driving yeah and it probably goes just as fast as a car

probably not any faster than a car no no fast but fast. But if we had a high-speed train that could travel at 200 miles an hour or whatever, 180, whatever those bullet trains travel at. I was just in Italy. We took the train over the countryside. It was beautiful. It was fun. Not bad. You're just sitting down, relaxing. They come by, get a Diet Coke.

It's a different form of travel. Again, not the most efficient, but comfortable. Why do they disturb me so much, though, when they crash? When those motherfuckers derail, there's something about them. I'm like, yikes. Yeah, well, because that's a lot of energy. And there's no seatbelts. No.

So everybody just goes flying. Yeah. Why don't they put fucking seatbelts on trains? Who's going to wear them? I would wear them. Why is that funny? There's not really an abrupt stop. Sure there is if somebody lays a log on the road.

That's the problem is when someone fucks up. Yeah. There's a very abrupt stop. Right. Well, that's true of your car. Yeah, but you wear a seatbelt in your car. Yeah, hopefully. There's still people who don't, which blows my mind.

Well, how about you? You're on a motorcycle. Yeah. No, they talk about how crazy we are. I've got an explosive fluid between my legs above a hot engine, and my only airbag are my knees. It's insane, Joe. Going in between cars, too. But it's easy to park.

Yes. You don't drive a car at all, right? Oh, yeah, I drive. You do? But, you know, when I drive, like yesterday I was driving around. What kind of car you got? Right now I got a truck. I got a Raptor.

Ooh. Yeah. Big ass fucking killer truck. I'm sure Brendan has one of those. Yeah. Those are legit. It's fun. I'm almost over it. Yeah. Those are legit. It's fun. I'm almost over it.

Really? Yeah, about a year. It's like, okay, I'm almost done with this truck thing. It's fun to have this big ass truck. Like this girl was in the truck with me and this car was pulling on. And I was like, oh, he ain't going to hit me. This is too much. And if he does, I'm not even going to stop.

I'm going to win. Like he's going to hit my tire and I'm going to run over his hood. But yeah, but you know, that's just me. I get bored with stuff. Right. So I drive something for a year, year and a half. And I'm like, all right, I'm over it. Let's try something else.

So do you get leases? No, no, because leases are harder to get out of. Oh, that's true. Oh, so you just know how you are. I've learned I've I have wasted enough money over the years. I have bought my way out of shit. You know who? My brother used to love it because I would lease something.

This is what I found out. So if you lease something for three years and you want to get rid of that, too, they're like, yeah, fine. But you still got to pay us for the third year. So I would call my brother like, hey, man, you want to drive this thing? I got to pay for it anyway. And he's like, ship it. So you'd ship it to him? No, he would pay to ship it.

I'm like, I can't pay to ship, but yeah. And you would just keep paying the bill? I had to pay it anyway. But did you have to get it back to the – You could return it there. You could return it to any dealership. So if you lease – like I had a – what was it? The Infiniti F45 and something.

And yeah, so he just returned it to an infinity place there. So you realized after a few of these fuck ups that this is just a personality. Yeah, just buy it and then sell it. And I hope, like what I found is I'm not the only one with this disease. Like there's a bunch of us out there. So I try to buy it from the guy who's just like me. Like I bought my Raptor. It was like five months old.

It had like 3,000 miles. So like because that guy had the sickness, you know what I mean? So he was like, man, I got to get rid of this Raptor. I was like, yeah, okay, I got it. Man, I got to get rid of this Raptor. I was like, yeah, okay. I got it. Yeah, if you're a single guy and you have a good job like you and you don't have real financial obligations, yeah.

Yeah, it's – It's a sickness. So you just want to try something different. Try a new thing. So it's like, okay. I don't know. I don't know. You know, I've been looking around and a buddy of mine just went for the new Corvette. He just put his money down on that.

And then I started looking. I was like, whoa, this might be. Like, I always had a problem with Corvettes because I've driven them. They're good. They're a little small inside. And also, there's the baggage of having a Corvette, right? Right. Oh, look, a middle-aged single guy in a Corvette.

Yep. But this new one, I don't think it carries that. a corvette yeah but this new one i don't think it carries that i don't think it carries a ferrari i don't think it carries the creeper factor you know oh it will the creeper factor fire it'll it'll fire up eventually i feel like it's uh it's definitely the next step in terms of like design and evolution it just looks better oh it's classy badass car yeah i think it i think they got a big hit you know it has a gps that recognizes where you are and raises the nose up yeah so you don't hit bumps and shit speed bumps and stuff yeah it knows where like low dryways are yeah it's crazy

yeah who had that like rolls royce had that where they're like there's a camera that sees bumps and adjust the suspension for the bumps yeah coming up in front of you that's in milliseconds yeah yeah the new corvette is the fastest ever zero to 62 which is amazing because it's 200 plus horsepower less than the z06 or the z uh zr1 rather and it's still way faster which is crazy yeah well the design is yeah i mean no it's going to be a phenomenal phenomenal car so i don't know i don't want to be an earlier adopter though i don't know if i'd be that look at that thing oh god damn that looks good in black yeah wow look at that fucking thing that's gonna be you know and they're gonna be all they're gonna

be all over la holy shit that thing looks good it's gonna be a badass car that is as good looking as an american car has ever been yeah literally and you know something that's like like the ford gt costs what like a half million dollars and that's 60 grand this is 60 with the dealer markup they'll get 70 for and i bet it's just as fast yeah i bet it's pretty close. And it still has a trunk. Yeah, it has a trunk in the front and the back, right? That is nasty. Yeah, so that might be next. Why not, man?

That might be next. Fuck, look at that goddamn thing. That is a fucking hell of a good looking car. That's going to be a badass monster car. And the top comes off. Woo! That's a beast, man. And that's the entry model.

I mean, wait until they start pumping out the Z06 and the ZR1. When is that going to happen? I think in 2021 or 22. I can't wait. I was going to ask, are you going to get one? Now that I'm looking at this. That's where I was. Yeah.

It's probably hard to get them. Yeah, there's a waiting list. And, you know, the dealers are going to get a markup. Yeah, for sure. That thing's nasty. Tony Hinchcliffe has one. Not this one. His last year's one.

It's fucking amazing. They're great cars. Yeah. They're great cars. Well, you know who's going to get one. Like, Leno's going to get one. Oh, he's already got one. Does he get the first one? Or, like, which one does he get. Oh, he's already got one. Does he get the first one?

Or like, which one does he get? Yeah. Have you been to his garage? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. It's crazy. I should say garages.

Yeah. It's got 11 warehouses. Yeah. But you know what? It's what any car nut would do with unlimited cash. Yes. Yes. Right?

If you had unlimited funds and you're a gearhead. And he's truly a gearhead. Like, he knows his stuff. Like, he doesn't just buy it. Like, he actually knows all about it. He has fabrication machinery in his studio. He's had it. Where he can build fenders.

He's had it for so long. That's the thing. It's not like 3D printing isn't new to him no i remember he has this jet powered car and the wheels he was telling me about the wheels and he said that he showed me they the brake dust won't stick to him like you know how that you get that black dust and he and he said yeah alcoa sent me the hunk of aluminum. Like, what? They sent him the metal and he made the wheels. Like, are you kidding me?

Like, that's the extent of machining you have that you can just make the wheels? That is ridiculous. You're brilliant. He's making wheels. That is so preposterous. Yeah, his place is a trip, man. I mean, you could wander around it for hours, and he loves explaining everything to you. Oh, my favorite was, you know, he'll let you take in a group, right? He's really cool about this.

It's like you donate money to a charity, and then he's like, okay, you can bring in this many people. So it's almost like it's not selling tickets. It's helping charity. That's cool. Yeah, it was really cool. So he had this guy, and the guy passed away. I can't remember his name. I want to say it was Jimmy something.

But this was a guy who would give tours. So he's walking around. He's like, this is this. What is it? When did we get this one? He's like, what the hell is this? So he's probably always picking shit up, right? Yeah. It was a guy who's like, where did hell is this? So he's probably always picking shit up, right? Yeah.

It was a guy that was like, where did this come from? What is this? What happens when Jay Leno dies? The only thing I can think is they make it a museum. Yes. That's the only thing I can think. If it's all paid off, that's a good move. Charge tickets.

I would think. I'd pay. I would think he probably has something set up to maintain it. I hope so. Because how are you going to sell those things? You know what I mean? Who the fuck's going to buy that steam car? Right.

One of the steam cars. There's like a few steam cars. Well, he has ones with metal wheels that he actually had rubber installed on the outside of the metal wheels so he could drive around town. Yeah. And then he has those giant cars that are like 25 feet long but they only seat two people that was like two v12 engines in the front of you and yeah but it's fantastic though you know and and you know that i i love that um and there's a few people like that but i don't know if anyone who does it on the scale no no he does i mean j uh jerry Seinfeld, he's got his Porsche.

He's all Porsche, which is weird. Corolla. Adam has Paul Newman's old race cars. You ever been to his spot? Yes. Yeah, he's got Paul Newman's old Nissan and Datsun race cars. And he races them in vintage races. Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

I've seen videos of it. Yeah. So that's pretty cool. Yeah, that is pretty cool. You have, what year is your GT3? It's a 2007. Okay. That is maybe the greatest car.

Like the GT3 in the argument for the greatest car made. It's a very exciting car to drive. It's a thrilling, fun car to drive. It's super lightweight. And mine's a Shark Works car, so it's got 518 horsepower. There's a place called Speed Vegas. It's a track outside of Vegas. You go there and you pay. You can drive whatever.

They have Ferraris and Lambos and stuff. So I've been there a few times. And the last time I went, they had the new GT3 with the rear wheel steering. Oh, yeah. And I was like, this is God's own sports car. It's amazing. The handling, you think it and it does it. And the whole time you're driving it, the car is laughing at you like, I'm so much better than you are.

Mine doesn't have all that electronic nanny shit that the new ones have. But the new ones are quite a bit faster. And the new one is the GT3 Touring is the shit because it doesn't have all the crazy fins. Because most of the time you're not driving it on a track. You're just driving it around town. So you get all the feel of a real GT3, but it's more stealth. Right. It looks almost like a regular 911.

Yeah. They look, man, they have barely deviated from their style since like the 1960s. I am such a fan of the 911. It's my favorite car. I've had a few 911s. Of all the cars I've had, the one I regret was the 88 Turbo. I regret getting rid of that. I'll always regret having gotten rid of that.

That car was a beast. It was a hard-ass car. But when it was going, it was, like, perfect, you know? Yeah. Well, those cars, they're so tail-happy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was trying to kill you all the time.

The car was literally like, if you get scared and let off the gas, I'm going to kill you. And that boost. You know what I liked about it? It was motorcycle fast. Yeah. It was this crazy motorcycle kind of like just high RPM. And then the boost would kick in and the rear end would snap and you'd just be flying like you better be pointed in the right direction yeah you know

have you driven a tesla yet yes you driven the the fast one the p100 no i haven't driven that one i've driven the i guess it's the regular p1 i drove one with ludicrous mode though so i did maybe that is a p you get to experience that it's the fastest P1. I drove one with ludicrous mode, though. Oh, okay. Maybe that is a P100. So I did get to experience that. It's the fastest thing I've ever driven in my life. Yeah, that's 0 to 60 in like 2.2 or 2.4. Yeah. And then the Roadster that's going to come out, that's 1.9.

Yeah. You know, that was like when motorcycles went crazy with horse. I mean, now their bikes with over 200 horsepower but when they first came out that's insane like the hayabusa's and stuff like that a friend who was a dealer and he said you know you're gonna be able to buy the rear half of these because he said like people just gonna over the throttle and crash into shit you know he's like it's like yeah you can get the clean back half of a hayabusa or an R1. When you sell a kid a Hayabusa, what percentage of those kids wind up crippled or dead? Not a high percentage, honestly.

One out of 100? Maybe. That's a lot. But I don't even know if it's that high because— Imagine if you told jokes and one out of 100 people in the crowd's heads exploded. Yeah. Well, you haven't been to my show. I really do that, Joe.

I get so deep and cerebral, then I throw in a dick joke. Boom! No, you know, the thing about, yeah, motorcycling is dangerous. But more people die on Harleys and Cruisers. You sound like Neil deGrasse Tyson right now. No, I'm going to tell you the reason why is because they're the ones who they only ride once in a while and they go to a bar, right? And they hang out in the afternoon drinking and then they get on their Harley and go home. They don't wear a helmet and they crash and they die.

That happens more often than a kid racing around because, you know, he's a kid. He's got quicker reflexes. And in the real sport, my guys are wearing the right protective equipment because it's part of the culture. But unfortunately, it happens. I was just at a motorcycle event last week.

I was doing a show and they do these rides and one of the guys died during you know during the event and it was really sad but unfortunately that that's part of it but whenever people hit me with that i'm like yeah people die in cars too like that's the neil degrasse tyson side of it yes yeah people die in cars too and this is this is what i choose to do and i've i've managed the risk we've talked about this right so you know my my thing with bikes is, look, if you live through your 20s, you'll be fine. Your 20s is when you're stupid.

When you're wild. Yeah, but it would be the same thing. Imagine if you had a GT3 and you were 22 years old. I had some ridiculously fast cars when I was in my 20s. I always spent all my money on fast cars. Yeah, and, you know, the odds are against you on that too you know because because you do you do stupid shit and you also don't know how to handle them correctly don't know the limitations you don't know how to turn or stop well you don't know when to turn

yeah yeah and you're like oh that was too late yeah you know when you feel the tires break and you're still going straight like whoops yeah or you feel the tires break and you're still going straight and like, whoops. Yeah. Or you don't know the road you're on. Like you've never been on this road before and suddenly, you suddenly learn what decreasing radius means. Yes. It's just amazing how fast bikes are and now they're making electric bikes that don't

have any shifting, which is very interesting to me. Harley has a new bike now. Yeah. Harley's got an electric bike, the live wire. Have you fucked with that? No, I haven't. I've ridden an electric bike, but I haven't ridden Harleys. They're supposed to be stupid fast.

They all are. It's all just numbers. You know, it's just like cars, right? Like how many cars now have a top speed of 150, 180? Most of them. Whatever. But it's just a number because you're you're not going to get there right so it just becomes that even even a zero to 60 you know yeah well with the tesla you

could do it because you just step on the gas or step on the accelerator yeah and do it but most cars yeah it can go that quick but you can't because you're not that good a driver. Right. You know? So, you, and it's the same thing with bikes. So, bikes can be super quick, but you're not skilled enough to do it. Like, we laugh about it all the time. That's it right there? Yeah, that's the Harley. Woo, look at that thing. What is that crazy shit between your legs?

Is that the batteries? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's the batteries because the motor's small. What a fucking beautiful bike. Yeah. What kind of range do you think these things have? The one I rode had like an 80 mile.

I have no idea what the Harley. 80 miles. That's not enough. Well, it can't carry big batteries like the Harley. I have no idea what the range of the Harley is. 110 mile range. Yeah. Huh.

Interesting. City-dwelling consumer travels in traffic frequently at 110-mile ranges. Realistic. Okay. So cut that down because- Yeah, make it 70. Yeah, because you're going to be opening it up every chance you get. LiveVol's batteries will recharge from zero to 80% in 40 minutes.

That's pretty good. That's amazing. Using a stage three supercharger connection. That's another thing with electric cars and electric bikes. They're going to have to standardize this charging. Yeah. You know, because it's like, okay, so Tesla uses one charger, then like Audi uses a different one. Now Harley's going to, like, you're going to have to come up with some one size fits all.

A plug, yeah. So that you can just plug your car in and charge it. You can't have each company having their own system. Well, you have universal ones at the airport. I plugged my car in at the airport this past weekend. Yeah. And it's the first time I've ever done it. I was like, ooh, I found a spot.

You have just a little adapter you put on there, a universal one. Okay. It plugs into the Tesla. Okay. It charged easy. It charged while I was gone. I got there full charge. That'll work then.

Yeah. Yeah, because that's what I was thinking because I heard like Porsche is developing a network of chargers, which I imagine Porsche and Audi are going to use the same one. Yeah, right. If you have a Tesla supercharger, can you plug a Porsche into it? I don't think so. That's stupid. Yeah, they're going to have to figure that out. Yeah, that's weird.

What are they going to be, like Apple? You can only use a lightning cable. You can't use USB-C. I'm an Apple guy. But I'm going to tell you where Apple – this is where I drew the line. So I got the iPad, right right and then I got an iPad mini and then I wanted to get the pencil do you know there's a separate pencil for the mini iPad the regular iPad I was like no I was like no is it really yeah why exactly I was like are you kidding

so you want me to spend 99 bucks for each one of these pencils and then figure out which one is which, right? Then I can't. What if I accidentally have to run? It was ridiculous. Well, they do way worse than that. There's a website that I follow. There's a YouTube channel, rather, that I follow. It's a guy who repairs computers.

And he was talking about how Apple goes out of their way to make things so that they can't be repaired from developing proprietary screws that other people don't have a screwdriver for to literally having motherboards where you cannot replace a piece. Yeah. It's not possible. So this piece goes bad. They have to replace the entire motherboard. And he's like, that is so irresponsible.

Yeah. And he's like, the only reason why this exists is because people allow Apple to do it. He's like, any other company, whether it's IBM or Lenovo or fucking Dell, when you buy a laptop from them, there's all these parts. You could bring it into a place. They can replace this, replace that, and here's the chip, and here's the that. And it's easy. But with Apple, they make it so it's difficult for third-party consumers.

Yeah, well, they made it so it's only Apple. Yeah, well, third-party people can't repair it. Right, they don't want anyone messing with it. It's fucking gross, man. Yeah. It's gross. And then the Lightning C, the C cable, the Lightning Bolt thing versus USB-C. Lightning Bolt's not as good.

It's not as good. The bandwidth's not as fast. It doesn't transfer data or power as quickly. That's another thing the cable thing is something like every time you get a new gadget you got another cable yeah if they just went with usbc usb let's make everything usbc every android phone every fucking one of them uses usbc because you the fact that you have to carry a different k, and then you're like, does this fit that? And then, yeah, it's a pain in the ass.

The only thing that Apple has going for it is privacy in terms of phones. They are way better with their privacy. But because of that privacy and protecting your privacy, that's also why Apple Maps suck. Like Apple Maps is not nearly as good as Google Maps because Google Maps is following you to the bathroom. And they're sending all that shit to Cupertino or wherever the hell they are. They get all the data, all of it, everything from Waze, from this, from that. That's also why it works so well. But their text messages and all the different things is not as secure as iMessage.

iMessage is all scrambled and encrypted. not as secure as iMessage. iMessage is all scrambled and encrypted. Yeah. Well, and the other thing with Apple is, you know, for someone who's not a techie or whatever, it's the integration, the seamless integration between the Apple products. Oh, including your, if you have, what is it, ITV? What is it? Apple TV?

Yeah. If you have Apple TV, you can, like, type shit up in your phone. Your phone syncs up to Apple TV. Right, your phone syncs to your TV. And you use your phone as a keyboard. Yeah, it's your remote. Yeah. And you don't have to know how to do it.

Right. It says, oh, I'm talking to blah, blah. Like, you put the password in on your phone, then you open up your iPad, and it gets the password from the phone. And it's already connected to whatever network and stuff like that. Yeah, Androids are getting better at that, though. They're getting closer and closer to filling the gap. I mean, the new Samsung phones are as good, if not better, than anything Apple's ever put out. The thing is, are you in the Apple ecosystem?

That's all it is, yeah. Which one is your normal? Yes. Which one are you used to? Ian has a hilarious bit about it. He has a hilarious bit about being both vegan and android. It's like the most a person could ever get discriminated against. It's fucking hilarious.

It's really funny. The other thing is, too, the little dots. If I send you a text message, you're replying, and you start replying, I see the dot, dot, dot, and then it stops. It's like, what's going on? What happened? You just ghosted me. It just blew me off.

You were going to reply, and then you're like, fuck that dude. But with the green message, if it's an Android, you don't know when it's coming. You don't know if the guy got that message. Part of me likes that better. I don't necessarily want you to know I read your message. And they used to give read receipts. It sucks when they know you read it. Yeah.

Because now they know you're intentionally not answering me. Yeah. Well, that's those little dot, dot, dots. Yeah. Those little dot, dot, dots are ratting you out. Yeah. That's what Ian says. And he's like, I don't need everyone to know that I read your message.

Man, that dude is so funny. He's hilarious. I'm so happy he finally has a Comedy Central special. Yeah. Finally. Yeah, you talk about overdue. He's so good. Who's next?

Owen Smith. Yeah. He's a motherfucker. Man, me and Owen were talking, and we were talking about the business side because he was talking about the whole writers thing, about writers giving up their agents and this and that. And he's so smart on it. But, yeah, Owen's hilarious. He's one of the best comics on the planet Earth that people don't know. Great writer.

Yeah. Great performer, too. Yeah. He's so funny, man. I've been working with him a lot lately. Oh, yeah? Yeah, man. We do a lot of gigs together, especially improv in the store he's as good as anybody yeah definitely and people

don't know definitely hey listen the last thing i need is people publicizing another tall black comic oi smith who well publicizing youtube finally you got an amazon special no it it's it's great but that is funny that there's a kid named Andre Leclerc out of New York. He's a funny guy. He did New Faces last year. And my manager signed him. And I was like, you know it's over when your manager signs a younger, better-looking version of you. Like that's the last thing I needed.

But he's a funny kid. But there's not a good benefit to being good-looking in comedy. There is if you want to do sitcoms, but they don't really exist anymore. If you want to get into the movies and do like a rom-com thing. But sitcoms, like that was what Montreal was all about. Montreal was all about you got a development deal and you did sitcoms. Yeah. Now you, well now it's streaming services.

yeah now you um well now it's streaming services and um and movies it's still movies are still like a different animal that's a different breed i have zero desire but streaming services and you know it's really funny too because people talk about acting like i get i'm not an actor and i'm okay with not being an actor i like hosting stuff like if and and I like unscripted tv and stuff like that but but you know when people like would you want to show well yeah of course I'd want to show I mean it's you know a ton of money and this and that but the actual doing it and creating it like my mind has never worked like that you know what I mean like like some people they love playing characters and stuff like that and and all due I mean? Like some people, they love playing characters and stuff like that.

And all due respect to that, but it's not what I did. But people are almost like, well, why don't you? And it's like, because it's not my thing. Hedberg used to have a joke about that. Yeah, yeah.

That comedy is the only thing where they ask you to do something else once you do it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, if you're a cook, they never ask you, do you farm?

Yeah. You know? Yeah. But it was always the way that everybody got famous. Right. Right. Roseanne and Seinfeld and Tim Allen and all those guys that got sitcoms based off of stand-up. And then they basically became actors.

Yeah. But you look at the numbers, you know, there's a hell of a lot of comics for every one of them that made it to that you know what i mean like overwhelming there's you know and um but for some guys that was like the thing that drove them crazy is they never got that call like richard jenny he was yeah you know i remember i saw jenny in montreal and uh at the comedy works murdering god he was funny i mean he was a beast on stage it was a beast people i mean you can see his specials and you kind of get it yeah but if you saw him in real life you'd be like fuck yeah he's the one of the most forgotten geniuses of stand-up comedy yeah he was a brilliant stand-up so good i saw him fuck speaking of which he was talking about a corvette salesman trying to

sell him on options on a corvette and he was talking about that in in montreal at the comedy works i remember sitting in the back of the room and i remember knowing that he was bummed out because he couldn't get a sitcom he had that one platypus man and he was in the mask, Platypus Man, and then he was in The Mask. And Platypus Man, the HBO special, was one of the great one hours you'll ever see. Like, if you can find it, it's one of the great one hours of comedy. He was a monster, but he was one of those guys that really wanted a special. Or, excuse me, really wanted a television show. Really wanted a show. Wanted to be validated.

You know who I never understood, never got a show? I mean, he's had shows, but didn't have a sitcom? Dom. Dom Moreira. Oh, yeah. Because he's such a natural character. Well, he was on a sitcom with Damon for a while, right? Yeah, I think for like half a season.

And he had the sports show on Comedy Central. Right, right, right, right. That was funny. The football show. But it just seems like he's such a natural character just being Dom. Like, you know.

Nobody gives a fuck less than Dom Herrera. God, that's true. Dom Herrera, this is what he said to me. He goes, I wish I was gay just so I could come out

of the closet. That's how little I give a fuck. Say it. I wish I was gay so I could tell you I'm gay. That is fucking hilarious. I love a fuck. Say it. I wish I was gay so they could tell you I'm gay. That is fucking hilarious. I love watching him. I love watching George Wallace.

Those guys are just masters of the art. Just go on stage and just kill it effortlessly. It seems like George Wallace is back in Vegas. Is that correct? Yeah, he went back last year. He tried to do The Road for a bit, and he's he's like ah no he i think it was one of those i think they made an offer made him an offer he couldn't refuse i think it was one of those deals well he's got that great following in vegas yeah i mean he always it was things that people would go when they were on

vacation in vegas they would go to see george go to see george absolutely there was like rita rudner had that carrot top had that there's not a whole lot of residents in Vegas these days. Not anymore. Not on that level where you're aware of it. Like Carrot Top will always be there. But it's a tricky one because if you commit to that, you give up all the road momentum. Well, you've got to be able to market it. I mean, that's where George was brilliant.

George figured out just what you said for people to go home and tell their friends hey when you go to vegas you got to see george right right like he figured that out and i don't think it translates on the road anymore no you got to uh i mean again you have to figure out how to build that and you it takes time to build it doesn't build right away right so you got to be working with a place or working with a producer or somebody who's like yeah we're going to spend a year building you as a destination show and you have to be willing to live in vegas yeah there's something about that it's like you're you're you're almost you just in some weird purgatory if you can handle it it's okay but it but if you got a vice

if you have any vice vegas is gonna find it and destroy you with it you know whether it's gambling or pussy or i just work with mal mal had this great joke over in vegas he said vegas is the only city you can watch someone become homeless yeah you can watch them at the table the night they become homeless. You just watch them. Yeah, like your whole life is falling apart right now. Yeah, I know, but this next role is going to be.

They will let you mortgage your fucking house. Absolutely. They're like, yeah, go ahead. What do you want to do, another roll of the dice or a hand of cards? What do you want to do? Vegas is the only gig where they will pay you in advance. Yes.

Pay you the first night. Yeah. Okay. You want it? Here's some money. You want it? Here you go. I'll pay you tomorrow.

Thanks. We'll get that back from you. You know what's fucked up, though? If you win too much, they stop you from coming back. Like Dana White from the UFC. Yeah. He gets banned because he's really good at blackjack. So he'll win like a million dollars in a night, and they ban him from casinos.

Because they know who he is. But they ban him because he's winning. Yeah. Like, what is this fucking, what, you only play if you win, you piece of shit? Yeah, it's their game. But that's ridiculous. Their house. But that's a ridiculous rule.

I know. They should have to go under. But they all, you know, it's like their rules, and they're all in it together. But that seems like rejecting service, you know? I mean, it just seems like they shouldn't be able to do that and what's the sign you always see we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone yeah right so where do you work when you do vegas i do uh brad garrett's at the mgm that's a great spot i love that room and i just did kimmel's new club i heard that's great at the lake beautiful club is that the rio no it's at the Link. It's where that big Ferris wheel is.

Ah. They open like that midway strip. It's on there. Doesn't someone have something at the Rio too? Isn't that a new one? Yeah, the Cellar. Oh, that's at the Rio? Yeah, the Cellar's at the Rio.

I haven't done that. I heard that's great too. I heard that's great too. Yeah. Vegas has like, they have the Laugh Factory now? It's comedies made, like part of why when George left, he said one of the things was like for a long time, there weren't that many comedy shows. He said then suddenly every place had a comedy show.

So that cuts into ticket sales. That makes sense. The Mirage is the shit. That's my favorite spot. I fucking love that room. I used to do bigger rooms. And even if I would sell out the bigger room i'd be like fucking mirage yeah it's so good so now i just do the mirage i'm there all

the time from where i'm standing it's quality situation it's the best room man it's like you and i was watching um one time joey diaz was on stage and i was in the back of the room and in the back of the room with the mirage, it was crystal clear sound. That works for comedy rooms, right? It's the perfect— You've got to be able to hear them and see them. Yeah. You know, somebody—I forget who it was, but it was a musician.

He said, the best room is when you can see everyone's eyes. Because he had done, like, big rock concerts and all that. And he was like, yeah, if you can see everyone's eyes. Because he had done like big rock concerts and all that. And he was like, yeah, if you can see everyone's eyes, you got a good room. That's the Ice House. Or like you said, Comedy Works, places like that where you can actually connect with everybody in there. The Ice House is tough to fuck with. That might be the best ever created room. We used to say if you bomb, you should be allowed to go to the ice house the next day just to get your confidence back right just

because like oh man i don't know if i could you could do it man go to the ice house you could do it and you walk out like yeah i can do this do you know there's agents that won't accept tapes from the ice house because it's just too easy a room it's because it's you do great yeah definitely the ice house is great comedy magic is is pretty goddamn good yeah comedy magic is like and you know mike and richard they're so nice to you too nice it's just like confusing you stop because now because now you've ruined people for anywhere else. And their food. Oh. Their food. They'll serve you a steak that you could get at a fucking steakhouse. I had broken my wrist, right? And now I was living in Studio City, and this is in Hermosa Beach. So to your listeners, that's 30 miles apart in L.A. traffic, hour and a half, hour at least, right?

Mike was like, you know, if you want want we can send a server to bring food to your house like if you can't like mike i live in c he's like yeah i know and he would have done it you know it's like are you kidding me like when i got kicked out of the comedy store in 2007 he reached out to my agent and said we would love if joe could work at the comedy magic club we we support him we would never hire joke thieves yeah and you know when we know that this is going down with him we we would love for him to come here like he's that nice of a guy yeah he's he's a he's a super nice guy and and richard the manager richard still goes places to see comics to see if they you know good for the club yeah that's like

nobody does that anymore. You've got videos... It trickles down from the top, that love and respect of the comedians and just treating performers well. And that's why all the old pros still work there. That's why Ray Romano and all that, they still go there.

Leno's still there every Sunday because it's like, yeah. He still goes every Sunday. Every Sunday Sunday that is crazy because I know he's kind of stopped for a while when he was not doing the tonight show anymore yeah he took a break but yeah he's still pretty regular there I've never seen I haven't not seen him on stage do stand-up ever I have I've only seen him on television as a matter of fact we did a benefit together last year and it was fun watching him work like as the comic you know because he was doing he was doing bits and all but he'll still tell a joke but like he's a really good joke teller so he'll tell just a regular joke

but it's hilarious because it's so good and then in Montreal, I just did a gala and Howie Mandel hosted. And it was so much fun watching Howie be a comic again. Like Howie was doing, he was cracking on the crowd like during the commercials, like during the breaks. He was just being asked like, man, you could see that he was having fun being a comic, not being a TV guy, not being the AGT guy. Yeah, I'm just being a stand-up comic. That AGT gig is a great gig. I'm sure he gets paid a lot of money. But if you go back and listen to Howie Mandel in the 80s and the 90s when he was just doing stand-up, he was fucking brilliant.

Yeah. He was brilliant. A lot of those guys and women with those comics, people don't realize how great a comic they had to be to get that job. Right. They're like, ah, he just does that. It's like, yeah, Arsenio is like that. Like, I've seen people who see Arsenio do stand-up, and it's like, well, yeah, there was a reason he got the show. They didn't just say, hey, man, that's a funny name.

Like, Arsenio's a beast when he does stand-up. Jay Leno's one of the weirdest cases, right? Because he doesn't have a body of work. Well, because he never recorded it. He said he would never record it because then you sell it, then you can't do it anymore. Yeah. And so he would just. But yet he wrote jokes every week for The Tonight Show.

Right, right. Like, hey, Jay, put your shit out there, buddy. I mean, people don't know but then again you know what did he lose you know i mean it's like he certainly didn't need the money i don't think jay's ever like man i should have sold merch you know but it's a matter of people knowing how good he is i would think yeah i think people would want to know how good he was i guess he's comfortable where he's at you know and and people do well and also you know if you do go see him live that is great that you you get to see him and you get to enjoy it nobody wears a jean shirt unless they're comfortable

you gotta be you have to be wear it every day there's no goddamn you got a uniform yeah he does listen alonzo i gotta wrap this up. All right. You got an Amazon special. It's out. What's the day it's out? August 23rd. Heavy, lightweight. Today's the 6th.

Let me know. We'll tweet it. We'll let everybody know. Absolutely. And heavy, lightweight on Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime. Stream it on your phone. You can get it on everything.

You can get it on everything. You have the Amazon app. You know something? You go to Whole Foods and just watch it. Really? No, I'm kidding. But what the hell? He owns it, right?. You can get it on everything. You can get it on everything. You have the Amazon app. You know something? You go to Whole Foods and just watch it. Really? No, I'm kidding. But what the hell? He owns it, right? Yeah, he owns it.

All right. No. Well, thanks for coming in, brother. I appreciate it. Man, thank you, Joe. Fear not, the new podcast. That's out there, too. Man, I love you, honestly.

I love you, too. This is so great. Thank you. And again, thanks for the love you give me even when I'm not here. Anytime, man. You know I love you. And we're working tonight. Yes.

Yeah, improv tonight. Yeah, improv tonight. Bye. Woo.