The Joe Rogan Experience - #1371 - Andrew Santino

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

Andrew Santino is a stand up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast “Whiskey Ginger" available on Spotify.

Two, one. Hi Andrew Santino. What's up Mr. Rogan? This is great. It's still sober October. Still sober. You can have real drinks. No, I'm not going to have real drinks.

I'm going to have this. You can have some of this. Cheers, I'll have some of this. I can zero zero. It's good, right? Oh yeah, it's pretty good. I know you want to get fucked up, but you can't. How about that? I'm not going you can't. How about that?

I'm not gonna, man. How about that? I'm not gonna. I need time for my stomach to clear out. Do you think you could do Sober October? No. You know I can't do that shit. You can't do it?

No. A month? How about a week? I could do Sober Week. So you could do the first week of Sober October? Yeah, I could do the first week. Maybe like the first week this year, next year you do two weeks. I could do a sober month, but October sucks for me.

It's my birthday in October, so I don't want to take it off. Also, I like drinking too much. You like it a lot. I can stop weed and anything else. Not booze? No, I can't. Do you want a drink? Nah.

I got booze right over there. No, my tummy's so sensitive still. Yeah, you're all messed. you want a drink? Nah. I got booze right over there. No, my tummy is so sensitive still. Yeah, you're all a mess. Let's tell everybody what happened. So, no offense to Hilarities, which is a great comedy club. We stopped there Saturday night after our show

in Cleveland. We went over to say hi to our friend Jesse May Peluso, who was headlining there. And what was the dude's name? Andrew. Andrew don't remember. I don't remember. Funny guy. Yeah. Anyway, so we say hi to them, and they graciously, the owners of the club, graciously asked if we were hungry.

We said, sure, we could eat. They have a nice menu. Why not? So I had the prime rib. It was excellent. And you had a steak with some vegetables. That's right. I had a bunch of vegetables on the side This is probably around midnight

And then we get on a plane At like 6 in the morning We are flying Back home And I pass out and then The lady wakes me up It's like a movie the lady wakes me up And I look over you and you're like dude I'm not good

I'm not good I'm not doing good What's the matter what happened We had walked through the airport airport cracking jokes like we always do having a great old time everything seemed normal he didn't seem sick at all he fell asleep tell everybody what happened i fall asleep i woke up like in fight club when you're like when when he wakes up he's like on the plane like my breath caught myself and i sprinted to the bathroom and i was like so out of it and i think the head rush had got me all fucked up and i caught myself and i sprinted to the bathroom and i was like so out of it and i think the head rush had got me all fucked up and i sat down and i blacked out and passed out

for a second and i woke up and i'm throwing up i mean i am hurling you woke up throwing up throwing up just like as i wake up i'm spitting and i could and i'm like holding on to the sides like i can't believe what's like i can't i'm so disoriented and I walk out and I grab the flight attendant and I was like is there a doctor on the plane like I Super nice And he asked He was right in front of us Like a row up And he asked to switch seats with Joe And he sat with me And I was Hurling dude

Dude for the first time in my life I puked in those bags You know when you're like Nobody pukes in those fucking bags I did it I watched you I puked in that fucking bag Like three times

And then he saw Undigested food in there Tons of undigested food in there And I was pretty sure It was food poisoning Because I've had food poisoning before And sometimes it comes on pretty quick You knocked it on the there. And I was pretty sure it was food poisoning, because I've had food poisoning before, and sometimes it comes on pretty quick.

You knocked it on the nose. Well, that's what he thought it was, too. He goes, he was asking me, he's like, what did you have last night? I said, I had two drinks at the show, and I had a couple of beers after with Jessamay and her friend, and he was like, did you take any street drugs? Yeah, that's what he said. He said, street drugs. Did you take any back alley drugs?

I said, no, man. I swear to God, he thought I was lying. What about ditch? Any ditch drugs? Did you take any ditch drugs?? I said no man I swear to god He thought I was lying What about ditch? Any ditch drugs? Did you take any ditch drugs? Any forest drugs? Any sewer shit? So I told him the truth

I said dude I didn't take any drugs last night And he was like okay And when he told me He looked in there And he goes Oh you have undigested food Which means your body's rejecting it

Without processing it So it must be You got a bug of some kind Cause dude I was When I talked When I grabbed you And I go bro Something's wrong.

Like, this is not. It was very nerve wracking because I was out of it. Yeah, you were totally asleep. I passed out. And I was so confused. I was like, how? But you were okay? Yeah.

I'm like, did he have a stroke? Dude, it was creepy. I felt for a second in the bathroom like something medically was really, really wrong. My instinct was, oh, I must be like sick or something's wrong. But then when I kept like Having this urge to To yarg I was like Mm-mm

Something's really going on Like I was assuming that it was the vegetables Because a lot of times People get it from Poorly handled salad Yeah Yeah

People get It was bad If they don't wash the leaves And everything real good People can get food poisoning From salad It's apparently one of the most Common ways

People get food poisoning Was from salad and shit From salad Yeah Well dude it was just You know And the guy was so nice He sat with me the whole time

But he could tell He was like Are you doing okay And every couple of minutes I'd feel like I had to When water can't stay down I think that's the key When you're like

Chugging water Chugging water He's like Don't chug too fast I'm like why He's like because And then I'm just like He's like because of that bro

Fucking puking up water But uh The old red feels fine I feel fine now I'm just like He's like because of that bro Fucking puking up water But uh The old red feels fine I feel fine now I would just That fucked me up bad And it's five hours from Cleveland So

Wasn't a Wasn't a quick jump Yeah in a plane Food poisoning is sketchy It's a weird feeling Sucks dude Sucks It was awful man

I've had it four or five times in my life It's never Never good That's the second time The first time I had it was in college It was the worst thing ever It was way worse this was both ends this Is when your mouth and back door when

You're it's like a cartoon i had it in College from movie theater popcorn what That's real shit movie that's real shit Dude here's how we knew we me and this Other dude we had totally different Meals all day and this other friend of Ours too and long story short whatever we both woke up sick the same time like in the middle of the night and we had asked when i went to the doctor finally the next day because i was sick all day and the

doctor was like would you eat i detailed and he goes oh yeah sometimes the butter can be spoiled or rotten oh actual butter yeah oh maybe that's why they use that fake-ass butter. Hell yeah. What is that fake-ass butter made out of? I don't fucking know. What the fuck is movie popcorn theater butter made out of if it's not real butter? Because most places don't have real butter. Jamie's laughing at my sicknesses. No, it's not.

The movie popcorn. What do you think it is? It's got to be some weird vegetable oil. Some sort of canola oil or something. Yeah, let's see. Oh, nasty shit. It was weird. Butter-flavored oil. Butter-flavored oil.

Oily. Can't believe it's not butter. What is that? Margarine that margarine bullshit well they say bad that stuff is for you people used to think margarine's the way to go like if you butter's terrible for you have some margarine margarine's non-dairy it's fucking horrible for you but all processed oils you know what they're finding out from those fake meat burgers They fed them to rats They're giving them liver cancer Yeah Pull up what What the study was

Yeah yeah yeah Yeah One of those Beyond meat Or impossible meat Or not really meat Whatever the fuck it is Yeah

Not meat But looks like meat We're trying to make it look like meat It's processed oils With grill marks on it Why do they do that shit The weird shit It's mostly oils

Yeah It's like oils. Yeah. It's like oils from vegetables. It's very strange. A lot of soy and shit like that? Like those processed vegetable oils are terrible for you. Yeah. You know what's good for you? Olive oil.

That's a good vegetable oil. Avocado oil is good for you. But like all that other shit, like canola and all that stuff is fucking terrible for you. This is my question. Is it because it's not naturally occurring? A feeding study suggests the impossible burger may not be safe to eat. Scroll down. This is GMO science.

It says, hold on a second. Make that a little larger. Rats fed gin. Rats. What are you doing? What's going on with you? I'm trying to make it bigger and it's just going up. Rats.

It's not doing that. Stop. Stop moving. Go back. just going up. Rats, stop. Stop moving. Go back. Jesus, Jamie. Stop. Go back. Go back.

It's on back. This is it. No, it's not. Thank you. Thank you. Rats fed the genetic, no, the fucking text there, buddy. Rats fed the genetically modified yeast-derived protein soy, whoa, say that word. Lehegumaglobin.

No, lehegumaglobin. Lehegumaglobin. Lehegumaglobin. Lehegumaglobin. That sounds like an Irishman. Danny Lehegmaglobin Lehegmaglobin Lehegmaglobin That sounds like an Irishman Danny Lehegmaglobin Oh Danny Danny Lehegmaglobin He's a good boy He is Danny Lehegmaglobin

The burger's key ingredient Developed unexplained changes in weight gain And significant signs of toxicity And signs of toxicity Why did I put the word significant in there? It wasn't even there. It felt right. It did.

I'm an editor. Okay. Unexplained changes in weight gain and signs of toxicity. And it said the Impossible Burger is a plant-based burger. The key ingredient, which is a protein called Soy Lehegmagloban. Lehegmagloban. SLH, derived from genetically modified yeast.

A rat feeding study commissioned by the manufacturer Impossible Foods Found that rats fed SLH Developed unexplained changes in weight gain As well as changes in the blood That can indicate that The onset of inflammation Or kidney disease

As well as possible signs of anemia Holy shit Yeah Impossible Foods dismiss these statistically significant effects as non-adverse or having no toxological relevance that's it's so funny you can just dismiss things they just they did a real study and they're like not real well they're dismissing it because it's not convenient it's real simple i mean you do rat studies doesn't necessarily mean it transfers to people

But that stuff isn't Okay what's the ingredients Let's find out what the fucking ingredients are Because that's not the only thing that I've read I've read things by actual nutritionists They're saying look You want to be on a plant based diet You should eat real foods

You can eat healthy on a plant based diet You can eat real foods. You can eat healthy on a plant-based diet. You can eat real vegetables and avocado. There's plenty of good stuff to eat. Coconut oils. All this stuff is healthy for you. But when you start making shit look like meat, that's when shit gets squirrely because you're finding all kinds of – they're adding all sorts of processed food. Why did you take that off the screen? I didn't want to be distracting while you were talking

Oh no, that's okay So what the fuck is in there? Top five ingredients Calories Four ounce serving, which is pretty skimpy Clocks in at 240 calories That's in the range of a beef burger Depending on fat content

Cholesterol The impossible contains no cholesterol To compare, a regular beef patty contains about 80 milligrams. Scroll up, scroll up, scroll up, scroll up, scroll up. Fat, 14 grams, includes 8 grams of saturated fat, which is generally considered less healthy than unsaturated fat. That's not true. It's entirely dependent upon the source,

and it's entirely dependent upon how you're eating, like what you're eating. The idea that saturated fat is bad for you, this has all been debunked. This is comparable to a beef burger, mostly due to the coconut oil, which is healthy for you, fuckers. This year, the impossible replaced a portion of the coconut oil, which is the highest in saturated fat, goddammit, with sunflower oil, which is way shittier for you which is an unsaturated fat god damn this you know talking to nutritionists on this podcast has been so enlightening but so confusing when you see the way that people still want to eat low fat you know and they like they don't

understand like fats are important your body fucking needs them they're good for your brain they're good for everything omega-3 good for Everything Omega 3s Omega 6s That was the revolution of Like I remember as a kid Everything became In like the Late 80s and 90s Everything was

Lower fat But it was higher sugar content Right So it was just like Less fat Less fat But they were just increasing the sugar It was like

1% milk That's the biggest joke When they're like Right they put sugar in it Less fat Yeah but they substituted it With tons of fucking sugar Because it tastes terrible.

Yeah, it tastes like shit without the fat. All those monsters that put low-fat milk in their coffee. Who the fuck are you? Piece of shit. Who are you? They're tricked. They got tricked. They got tricked by this idea that you're supposed to have low fat.

Find out. Pull up something. Is the Impossible Burger healthy? Is it healthy? Well, here's the thing. That article obviously was siding with the Impossible Burger healthy? Is it healthy? Well, here's the thing. They were pushed. That article obviously was siding with the Impossible Burger because they cited three, four items and it was like soy protein, coconut, and something else. They don't really tell you how to process it that they make those.

That's the thing. They won't say, well, here's how we derive these things and fucking process them. I was going to say, before I even looked this up, I don't think that they're even marketing as being healthier. It's just an alternative for meat for people that really still want to eat it. Yeah, exactly. But is it healthy for you? I don't think that this is even saying that.

I don't think they're even bothering. Yeah, it's probably less healthy for you than a fucking McDonald's cheeseburger, which is barely meat anyway. Not meat. I mean, right, they did all those studies about Taco Bell meat, and they were like, it's fucking barely meat. Taco Bell meat has, they have an acceptable amount of filler that they're allowed to have. It's just nonsense. It's some nutty number. Like pull out, what's the acceptable number of Taco Bell filter?

I had a friend that worked at a fast food restaurant, I'm not going to name it. And their grade of meat was like G, I believe. It was G grade, which is lower than dog food or something like that. But like, shit still tasted okay. I mean, if you're hungry, you'll shove it down your fucking maw i can need it did you see what happened uh at this world series game the other day did you see the news no they introduced trump and uh the first lady and they got booed do you know this yeah it's going around he's fucking two different versions of story i saw cnn was saying that they were yelling out lock her up.

But then I didn't hear that. I just saw the boot clip. Another thing was saying they were saying lock him up. Yeah, I saw lock him up. I think it was lock him up is what they were chanting.

But CNN had it where they were saying people were chanting lock her up. I just said the other thing too is he was generally the president throws out the first pitch.

Yeah. And he didn't do that because he's already thrown one out somewhere and it didn't look very good. Unathletic fuck. You want to talk about those? We got some clips in the vault

of people that can't throw baseballs on the first pitch. Oh, you mean Judd Apatow? It's my favorite fucking clip. Him and Gary Delabate. Him, 50 Cent. There's a few people that have fucking... No, I can't right now. I'm good.

Well, your stomach? Yeah, I don't want to fucking... I don't want to fuck with it. Really? Is it that bad, bro? It's fine, but I don't want to... I'm not... I don't want to dance on the edge.

Ooh, these are... Did you see what I tweeted? I tweeted this morning, Burr and... CNN. I typed in Locker Up. It's just putting back Lock Him Up. Hold on. Burr and Kreischer have a podcast now called bill and burt podcast

and i made fun of them you should pull up the image for it because they fucking they have a cigar and a glass of whiskey in their icon but i go what is up with this cigar dick you guys got as your fucking image look at this thing look at that what's up with that cigar cock that is not i go you got to get someone to reanimate that bro That is a weird looking cigar That looks like a dick It looks like a fucking dick dude Why is it all rounded off At the tip

That's what I said dude The Bill Burtt podcast All those people Whoever you're hiring In all things comedy Pay them some real money They're mad at you They're mad at you

These guys are dicks And they're making things Look like dicks Just fucking Wait so what did it say Did it say lock him up or lock her up? It was lock him up, right? Lock him up is what I was saying, yeah.

They booed the president. Has that ever happened at a fucking baseball game? No. People are very riled up. Man, they love you. Yeah. Well, here was the other thing. I saw they had a Connected Thing article that I was reading with that that said 51% of America

is pro-impeachment but i was like where does that fucking poll come from yeah who's did they ask you no they didn't ask me yeah so what the who the fuck said all those polls here's the problem with polls the only people that answer polls are assholes right right right if they call you up and go hey cheeto what do you uh what do you think about this you know this is what i think don't call me yeah leave me the fuck alone fuck you who even can you see who conducted that poll that that nonsense and the impeachment poll i'm glad you called because i have some very relevant opinions about this impeachment if we go back to nixon you should really take pay attention to nixon administration it's arguable that trump has been more egregious

with his breaking of the constitution i'm so exhausted i wish there was no issues This is what I wish I wish there was no one trying to steal There was no one trying to cheat on their taxes Everybody was just Doing their best and helping each other out It's a nice, small, healthy Vibrant community Of people supporting each other

Fox News poll 51% of voters favor impeachment And removing President Trump from office That's not good people supporting each other fox news poll 51 of voters favor impeachment and removing president trump from office that's not good that's a fox poll when fox says that yeah that's fuck that's kind of in july it was 42 but i'm saying where from where though i need to know where those come from but look at that impeached but not removed in july was five percent and And now it's 4% Now most people favor him being removed Again I don't know

Who says who? Sometimes there's good stuff at sporting events So the other funny thing that happened was Those girls showed their tits Did you see that? That was hilarious These two girls are behind home plate And they're both flashing their tits

They both got banned from Major League Baseball for life And she tweeted and she was like, worth it. It is worth it. It's awesome, dude. Sure, she's Insta-famous now. Yeah, to her and this other girlfriend of hers. I think somebody told me they're starting a smut magazine or something, and that was their promo.

Good for them. Get a nice bra sponsorship. This is their promoting breast cancer awareness. Yeah, somebody said they started a magazine or something, though. Yeah, okay. That they got a company on the rise. Good for them. Yeah, they show they started a magazine or something, though. Yeah, okay. That they got a company on the rise. Good for them. Yeah, they show their tits behind home plate.

How many girls make a living just showing their body to, like, Patreon? Instagram is all dancing on the line of, like, legal picture prostitution. Well, the best case of it is Twitter. Because Twitter, They allow you You can take it in the ass Yeah On Twitter There's a lot of gals

That I have to be real careful If I hand my kids One of my phones They don't open up That fucking Twitter app Because in the feed Daddy somebody messaged you There's dirty

Dirty girls Yeah there's filthy Take it right in the key store Well I love that Twitter doesn't give a fuck That's my favorite part About Twitter They couldn't care less

They're like go for it Well here's what I love about them. Kyle Dunnigan. When he did that animated thing with Michael Jackson. Did you ever see that? Yeah, I saw it. I loved it. Amazing.

Instagram pulled it down. Kyle Dunnigan, the funniest fucking guy on Instagram. Yeah. They pulled it off of Instagram, but Twitter did not. Yeah. Shout out to Twitter for that. Yeah, hardcore Twitter cool for that shit. What was that?

Would you show me? This is the Patreon website. It's called only fans that they some of those people use not everyone but this is like showing some of the numbers that they've already been paying out eight million registered users 70 000 content creators paid out to creators 150 million dollars paid out to referrers three million referrers so you cheeto i think if you you could refer i think if i refer i get i gotta pay i gotta kick you get a kick hell yeah three million dollars five percent five percent commission on all referrals pay-per-view messaging and tips

live streaming feature that's interesting see who could have a problem with that if you if you have a if you don't have a problem with people being naked, I don't. You don't. Nope. If you don't have a problem with people taking naked pictures, I don't. You don't. Nope. Who would have a problem with that?

Not at all. That seems like the best alternative to prostitution for a lot of these gals. I think in the world of sex work, I think that makes the most sense because this is a legit protected legal way for them to go, hey, do you want to see me get naked at my house? Yeah. Give me some fucking money and I'll do it. Yeah, and no one should really have a problem with it, right?

Well, there's nothing. I mean, what could be the debatable problem with it? Smut. People that think it's eroding the fabric of our society. The Westboro Baptist Church, man. Yeah. I think Kanye West would have an issue with it. He doesn't like porn anymore.

Well, he doesn't like cuss words now, too. Yeah, he's done with that. No cuss words now on the albums. Well, he's starting a new cult. Yeah, he is. It's clear. He's on his way. It's probably going to be huge.

You think it's going to be like a Scientology-sized thing at some point? Where it's going to be like people go to a place? If he wants it to be. I mean, it seems like he's doing it for free, though. You know, I mean, he's got a shit ton of money And so does his gal He likes business opportunities He does but I mean I think it probably opens up the doors For his other businesses like his Yeezys

And his clothes and all that shit Except that merch wasn't free The show was free Right yeah that's what I'm saying It opens up the opportunities for that stuff So he does the show and then people are like You know what do I have to do to be in the cult? Get yourself a pair of 11 Yeezys.

Just got to show up with Yeezys and we'll let you in. That's all it is. You buy your way in. You'd get in. You love that shit. I could get a few people in, I think.

You support all that shit so much. You love it. It's kind of easy to start a cult these days. It really kind of is. Well, there's so many of them now. There's so many semi-cults. You know well there's so many of them now like there's there's so many semi-cults you know there's like there's people that have followings right you know that they

they you know somebody could argue this is a cult though you people could argue that you've cultivated a cult you could argue that however there's absolutely no membership rituals you do whatever the fuck you want no one's calling it a cult. No. You know what I'm saying? Some people call it a cult. They'll say, hey, this is Santino Nation. People do stuff like that, right?

This is a nation. They'll use their name and they'll say nation, which is, ooh, our army. This is the Santino Army. You're part of the Santino Army. Yeah, we're on this together. We're in Very suspect We'll do whatever he says

Very very suspect thinking Like that kind of shit Well it just It just gives weight People obey People's word A little bit too much Without knowing shit

So they just are like It's something to hold on to So maybe if their lives Are shitty and dull and boring They hear something And they're like I agree with a good amount of that And then they fucking

Latch on to it That's where it gets scary Cause then people can Convince you to do anything We were talking about Those guys The Proud Boy shit and they're like, I agree with a good amount of that. And then they fucking latch onto it. That's where it gets scary. Because then people can convince you to do anything. We were talking about those guys, the Proud Boys shit. We were talking about that this weekend. Yeah, if you start a group, the thing about groups is you're now, say if you're the leader, like let's say you start the Red Boys.

Yeah. Okay. The Ginge Boys. You're the leader. You're the founder and the leader of the Red Boys. Yeah. But if you just let any ginger in the group group There's a lot of wacky gingers out there Just like this wacky people And when people join groups

And you start this group And they're saying I'm acting as one of the Red Boys Well you're now sort of in some way Connected to whatever the fuck they do So if they decide to get radicalized And do a bunch of really fucked up things You know and go after people who don't have red hair or whatever the fuck they decide to do you're now at least somehow connected to them yeah because i started the shit yes i mean that's yeah that's creepy though it is it's fucking there's groups of people too many

too many uh but but i think like the influence online is what's creepy to me. People can, you know, people like, remember meetups? Meetups have somewhat gone away, but at one point people were doing these meetups where kids were famous on Instagram. They just loved the idea of being like, come meet me at this park at 12, and fucking thousands of people would go. Well, you see what Kevin Hart used to do? He used to have people run with him. No.

Like, meet me, and we're going to run a 5K. Shut up. Would he do that? Yeah, man. That's insane. With hundreds and hundreds of people would run with him. With tons of strangers we're gonna do we're gonna run a 5k shut up would he do that yeah that's hundreds and hundreds of tons of strangers oh yeah nah so stupid you've never seen it why would he do if you got a video of it kevin hart he would do it at shows like say if he would show up in uh milwaukee or whatever and he had a concert he was doing there he would set up like a 5k and they would all run Nah Fuck that Well he's trying to He's a positive guy And he's trying to promote

Positive things Like health And fitness And just getting Being active You could do that Without inviting people To run with you

I don't want anybody Fucking run with me Well you don't run anyway Yes I do Do you? How often? Every two or three days Really?

Yeah Where do you run? In the neighborhood No shit I run a minimum of A minimum of four But an average of like Maybe five or six

I don't go I don't go near eight You're a silent runner You don't tell anybody Fuck no I do everything silent Kevin Hart running by a lake That's a beautiful lake

Where is that, Jamie? Jesus Christ, that's cool It's a DC Look at all those people Yay Everybody seems so happy Yeah, they do See they're all healthy

Running That girl at the bottom right I don't think she's running No I want to know How many people were there That didn't run That were just like We showed up

Most of them Yeah But look at that That's a positive thing right there Nike gave him a fat check for this You think so? This is all Nike Fuck yeah

Oh there's a Nike logo up there It's Nike This is Nike.com Yeah this is This is all Nike dude Oh Hmm This is some executive at Nike

Now I'm not so excited Uh huh Someone goes Kev we got the idea Still Forget about it The fact Look he's a businessman

It's a smart move On top of it I want to No I want to show you something This I saw this on the toilet this morning This made me think Look at how crazy this is

This guy You can look this up This guy They pulled A cop pulled him over Thought he was drunk And he like Blew And it turns out He was brewing beer In his own stomach Yes I heard about this guy I thought of you this morning I wanted to know You can look this up. This guy, they pulled a cop, pulled him over, thought he was drunk, and he blew, and it turns out he was brewing beer in his own stomach.

Yes, I heard about this guy. I thought of him this morning. I wanted to know. He's growing alcohol in his own body. It's a rare syndrome called auto-brewing something. You have to look it up. It's fucking insane. No one believed him when he said he hadn't been drinking.

Then researchers found his body was producing alcohol. That guy on the right, it looks like his body's producing alcohol. Yeah, right now. Swollen. Taking shots. Interesting, man. Researchers at Richmond University Medical Center in New York eventually discovered that the man was telling the truth.

He wasn't downing beers or cocktails. Instead, there was yeast in his gut that was likely converting carbohydrates in the food he ate to alcohol. In other words, his body was brewing beer. That's fuck, auto brewery syndrome. Wow. Auto brewery syndrome. Is that common?

ABS. No, it's gut fermentation syndrome. How many fucking people have that? I've never heard of it before. Another lady two years, three years ago. Whoa. Women claims her body brews years, three years ago. Whoa. Women claims her body bruise alcohol has DUI charge dismissed. But was she hammered?

That dude in the previous article was two and a half times the legal limit. This was four times the legal limit she blew. She blew it, right? But was she feeling the effects of it or is it just in her blood? No, it's in their blood. He doesn't feel it. It just, I don't think you exert any symptoms of being drunk. I think it's just...

Really? Are you guessing? Yeah, I think that's what the article said. I'm in touch with 30 people who believe they have the same syndrome. About 10 of them are diagnosed with it, said Panola College Dean of Nursing Barbara Cordell, who has studied the syndrome for years. They can function at alcohol levels such as 0.30 and 0.40

when the average person becomes comatose or dying. Yeah, these people are functioning. Part of the mystery of this syndrome is how they can have these extremely high levels and still be walking around and talking. Well, this bitch needs to talk to drunks. We know a lot of people. We know a lot of people who can function. Who do you

know that functions? Bert Kreischer. Bert Kreischer probably does everything he does at like 50. 0.50. Imagine if he also had this. If he had ABS and he drinks like he drinks. See my Instagram? Picture Bert today. He looks good.

He looks fucking great. He looks really good. That's legit. Yeah. You know, Whitney was like, what Instagram filters this? Unless he's doing what some of my wife's friends do. My wife's friends Are fucking They're cartoonists

Look at that Were they able to like Photoshop and all that shit They're not really Taking pictures They're cartoonists Yeah These bitches run filters

On these pictures And they shrink their legs down Right And they fuck with their friends Like they make their friends Butt a little smaller Or their arms a little bigger That's so diabolical man

Yeah they do weird things But you ever think They do anything like They make their friends Chin just a little Give them their arms a little bigger that's so diabolical man they do weird things would you ever think they do anything like that they make their friends chinged give them a fucking double chin a little Jalen O-ish

they definitely do that to each other and they call each other up hey take this one down I don't like how my waist looks you don't like it no you look great

no you look amazing that bird picture by the way the lighting is pretty fucking good I'm not gonna lie go back to the picture there's almost

nothing you could do about the side handles. No, but that lighting is good. No, no, no. Save it. Look at his side. His sides. Wait, that looks a little manipulated there, Jamie. Bro, it's not manipulated.

It's not manipulated. Trust me. Bert is not that guy. He's not smart enough to do that. That's right. No, no, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. He's not a liar.

Like, look, Bert would not do that. That's what he looks like. He's been fucking working out hard. He's not a liar. Like, look, Burt would not do that. That's what he looks like. He's been fucking working out hard. He's down to like 225. Look at it. Ari wrote there, he's raising his arms and sucking his belly. Tell him to post an inaction side shot of him on stage. Ari's such a hater.

Well, they've got some beef now after the dosing episode. Yeah, well, Burt should have beef. Not Ari. Yeah. Ari fucking dosed him. Ari should never be beat. Ari's just mad that it didn't land the way he wanted. Like, Ari's upset that Burt didn't, like, laugh it off and have fun with it.

Who the fuck laughs off getting dosed with Molly? Trust me, dude. I fucking... Nobody. Dosed me would be fucking... I think they should fight it out. Let him fucking slug it out a little while. I think Burt wants to fucking kill him for that.

Who would win that fight? It would be a fun fight to watch. Because Ari's squirrely. He's got that, like, he's, like, lanky and long and fucking. He could put up a good fight. Bird's got probably the, you know, maybe a reach on him. I don't know how much taller he is. Well, Ari is very tall.

Yeah, he's tall. What is Ari, like 6'3"? Yeah, he's a jiu-jitsu background, too. A little bit, right? A little bit. A little bit. A little tall. He's tall. He's what is our like six three? He's jitsu background to a little bit right little little bit a little bit a little bit I bought him a year He probably went he went until he got staff and that was about basically the end of his when most people would quit He got a bad staph infection on his name, and it was horrible swole up like he was walking with a limp That shit can kill you. Oh, yeah, he didn't even know he had it He thought it was a mosquito Or a spider bite

And he just let it go for a while Bro we were playing pool And he was walking around with a limp I'm like what's wrong with your leg And he goes I got a spider bite And you know Obviously I've done jujitsu forever And I know that sometimes

People think it's a spider bite And it's staph So I said let me see He pulls his knee up I go dude And I unscrew my pool cue I go go to the emergency room right now I go you have a bad staph infection.

He thought I was fucking with him. He's like, are you serious? I'm like, I am dead serious. This can kill you. I'm not kidding. His fucking knee was all swollen. He had a real clear staph infection. I'm like, dude, I'm telling you, I'm not a doctor, but that is fucking staph.

And then he was angry, and he had a really good point. He's like, why don't they have signs in the gym? You take jujitsu, and it's up to everybody to tell you what staph is. Because Junior Dos Santos just pulled out of his fight. He was supposed to fight Alexander Volkov, but he got nasty staph in his leg. Like, his lower leg, like his calf area Yeah All swollen And red And funky Because he got a staph infection The same thing

Like He was like Why is it It hurts It's like painful Like you thought Like maybe like You know

Sometimes you clash shins Sure You do it a lot But you get a cut And then it just gets infected Yeah yeah Like my cousin had MRSA

You know what MRSA is Oh yeah That's the worst It's the worst That's the worst version of It's like staph turns into MRSA Well it's No it's medication resistant staph Right Staphacoccus Whatever the of it's like staff turns into MRSA well it's no it's medication resistant staff right staff a cuckless whatever the but it's like the medication stuff extreme

version yes what's with staff that you find in hospitals unfortunately right because a lot of times that kind of staff is immune to medication he doesn't even know how he got it but I mean it's that stuff that can you can fucking lose like a hand yeah one of wife's friends got staph and she went into a fucking coma. She started having seizures. She got it from a gym, from a dirty gym. Just like lifting weights and shit. Sitting on those machines doing lat pull downs. She got a little scratch, something happened.

Next thing you know she has this infection, doesn't know what it is. It gets systemic. Next thing you know she's fucking going into shock. Her body's freaking out. That's why when I use a gym, the I go to is like immaculate clean, and I still walk around. Like even in the bathroom, I'm in fucking flip-flops. I'm never, ever.

Since playing high school sports, you learn. It's like my dad was always like, don't be fucking walking around those locker rooms. You have cuts on your feet. You have shit splat. You're bound to catch something nasty. One of Callan's friend's wife's died from it. From infection on her foot?

From staph. They were trying to go all homeopathic. They were trying to cure with fucking parsley and herbs and shit. Smacking it with leaves? Callan went over the house and she was bleeding from her gums. Oh my God. And he was like, what the fuck is going on? You got to get her to a hospital.

She died. They just refused to go to the doctor? I don't know, man. I don't know the whole story. Callan told it to me years ago. He told it to me when I first got staff. And I was like, what? And I remember I was on heavy doses of antibiotics to the point where I was fuzzy.

Everything was fuzzy. Everything was confusing. You couldn't think straight? Oh, my God. My brain was dog shit. Because believe it or not, your gut, what's inside your gut affects your personality it affects your ability to think your energy levels and when you're on when you have staff they fucking dose you up son yeah with heavy duty antibiotics and i would i couldn't believe that

people fight on that sometimes they fight on antibiotics when they have staff because you're just not in you're just totally out of it I couldn't believe it I could barely make a fist I'm like how the fuck could anybody fight like this Luke Rockhold beat Chris Weidman For the UFC middleweight title When he was on staph medication Which is like fucking incredible Could function on it

He fucking beat Chris Weidman That's fucking insane I have no idea how he did it He had like a nasty staph infection He wound up actually getting a chunk of meat removed from his um from his shin and it's it's fucked him up so bad like to this day when he fights and he only fought once uh with this he has to have like a wrap over his entire shin and he had skin grafts and all kinds of shit didn't totally take so he has to have he has like an open wound on his shin

Like forever So he has like this big bandage over his shin And then everything's wrapped up And then he puts like a sleeve over it Like a To protect the skin Yeah a compression sleeve Over his

Over his calf and shin There's so much of that shit that's in sports Like or What's it called It's always around high schools They're always worried about people getting it from like water fountains and shit Do you know what I'm talking about Herpes?

Crabs? Yeah herpes Meningitis Meningitis yeah I knew a kid in high school That had meningitis He lost a hand and a foot From meningitis

From like a high school But from high school shit Because you're around all these kids With all these fucking diseases And sicknesses And it's like a little incubator I know a woman Her kid got paralyzed

From getting meningitis From one of those fucking water parks. Well, that's why usually it comes from something. It happens in water a lot, apparently. You know, that water gets in your ears and gets in your fucking mouth. There was a comic who died from meningitis. Do I know who he is? Yeah, goddammit.

Redheaded kid. Really nice guy. Me? No. No, kid from New York. Goddam damn it he was flying out to do fantasy island jerry red wilson jerry wilson yeah he died from meningitis he was apparently in the doctor's office but it was taking too long to get seen by the doctor he's waiting for like 45 minutes like fuck this i'm getting out of here and he left him wound up dying holy shit yeah how did he get it do you know how he got it do not know

he was a nice guy too man funny kid too and his career was just starting to take off this is like in the 90s that's kind of i knew him from new york yeah we knew each other from the clubs and then he came out here i i had been living down here for like a year or so and he came out here and he is like shit was popping for him. He had a development deal to do a TV show. He was doing the new Fantasy Island. Do you remember when they had Fantasy Island? I know, yeah.

They brought it back. He was doing the new Fantasy Island. And then he just refused to fucking go get seen again? Yeah, and he got on a plane. Jesus Christ. He got on a plane, and I think he actually flew to Hawaii to do the show. And when he got out there he was fucked by the time he got there he was fucked it's always sad when you hear people that

like i don't know if he had instruct you know not that he did but you know when people have instructions to knock it on a plane this happens all the time people like fuck that shit and then they die because of it it's like that dude that was in dave matthews band what happened he took he had surgery you got to look it up to make sure i'm not fucking out of my butt but you're making things up yeah i'm making it up um making it up It's fun to make things up Remember the old days? Yeah you didn't have to worry about it Just make it up all day

Drinking beer, talking shit People just tell you lies And you're like whoa I didn't know you could get cancer from that Sure can, give me another beer Jimmy Yeah he died, I think he had surgery and he got on a plane Right, Leroy Moore And he got on a fucking plane after the doctors told him not to fucking fly And he did and then he died. I think he had surgery and he got on a plane. Right. There he is. Leroy Moore, right? Leroy Moore. And he got on a fucking plane after the doctors told him not to fucking fly and he did.

And then he died. 2008. Because he had some kind of weird surgery, right? He had an accident on his ATV. Right. Punctured lung. Right. Maybe it was that because of the air pressure.

He died from that? Wow. Oh, pneumonia. Blood clot He got pneumonia He died from a blood clot The coroner's office determined his cause of death to be pneumonia Wow

Fuck But I don't know if it's going to say it on there I'm almost positive that they told him not to get on a fucking plane And he did anyway How much does it take How many years does it take off a flight attendant's life I mean they look they all look so sad now they look sadder than they did when i was young why is that dude

they all look so fucking sad did it get with it did the pay get worse it can't be good no it never was good but the people used to do it usually because they were like i could fly for free and so can everybody in my family but now everyone i see every flight we take they look fucking miserable maybe it's you you're handing out barf bags and shit i know throwing up all of yourself in the bathroom clean this up even the ones that like even the ones that i'm i have a good feeling about even they seem like bum the fuck out yeah i don't i just like even when i'm like hey how you doing they're like, do you want something before we leave? I just feel like that's a, it's a tough,

tough gig, man. That's a tough fucking gig to constantly be like, you know what it really is? Cause people are such pieces of shit and we're, we're becoming more pieces of shit. Like nobody obeys any of the fucking rules about like overhead space and any of that stuff. And I think it's,

it's extreme now. Cause people are like, I'm not checking my fucking bag. It is. I'll stuff it in the roof. people do get a little cunty though some uh lady and this guy got a little cunty with me on the flight over because all the overhead bins were full and i was in one row and they were like four rows behind me and i went back there and i moved some stuff around and put my bag up there and the guy's like you think he

would use the bin that's above his head right I'm like don't you think I would if it was open like don't you like he didn't even look like look at all these bags you don't see all these bags people people are people cop attitudes for and they get mad at the this was insane we were in Denver coming back and um a dude they had canceled the flight and a dude was losing it on the gate attendant. You know, he was like, you fucking, you fucking asshole, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, like going off. And everyone's kind of like turned like pissed, like fucking pissed that this guy's losing on this asshole in a public space like this for no reason. And this dude is sitting on the floor and I can tell he's like kind of bobbing and he's like reeling.

And then finally he pipes up, he goes, Hey, hey go fly another fucking airline it's not this guy's fucking fault and then this guy was like oh what do you care about he's like dude it's not his fault if you got an issue with it let's go take a walk and then you could tell his his alpha fucking step up scared this dude to death and he was like don't fucking yell at that guy that guy has nothing to do with that they're cunts any guy who yells At someone Some flight attendant Or someone who works the desk It's not their call They don't get to make the call

They're employees That guy at the desk He has nothing He doesn't By the way He doesn't care He's like dude I get paid fucking hourly

I'm barely here He's not pretending He runs Delta Or Naito But I love what the guy said He goes go fly another fucking airline Because the guy kept saying He goes you guys do this all the time

And the dude on the ground goes Go fly another airline bud There's a ton of them if you're so unhappy It's like don't fucking yell at those You have to deal with the conflict And the heat in the air It was thick it was nice Well I went up to him

I was like dude that's cool that you said that And he goes well that guy's a piece of shit I was like you know Because it's like somebody should say something I know but it's that leap Before you say something Do you want to tell this guy to shut the fuck up Because then he's something I know but it's that leap Yeah Before you say something Like do I tell this guy To shut the fuck up

Because then he's my problem Yep Right now it's not my problem Nope That's what I mean It's like Do I want to step into that world Where this asshole

Then becomes a thing with me And then it's a whole thing Well it could become violence Yeah You never know It's just And you don't know these You don't know this freak

If he's that dumb That he's yelling at some lady That works there Or some guy that works there. Exactly. He's a fucking moron. Who knows what kind of shitty judgment that guy's going to have. He was bald with a ponytail.

If that says everything. Oh, that's everything. That's everything. That's a terrible look. You know that guy. Unless he's Tong Po. Stop it. Stop it.

Bald ponytail is such a choice. Why would anybody do that? Why would you do bald ponytail? It's so funny, man. Is there a girl out there that fucks guys only who are bald with ponytails sadly yeah come on sadly someone fucks the bald ponytail guy if how's that work what's his what's his game yeah money speaking of bald ponytail did you see what happened in the game when lebron's hair fell off somebody showed me a photo but i thought that

looked so was that real no it's Look, the guy is a fucking billionaire. He's a god amongst men. He's a giant super athlete with a really well-shaped head. What the fuck, man? Shave your head, bud. Shave your goddamn head. Just fill up that picture because I want to see the fucking... He's got some nonsense glued on his head.

It's like not his hair. He has a toupee? Look at that. Look at that. His hair moved up and someone had to tell him. Says, oh, thanks, bro. So you get the bandana back in place. His hair moved.

Wait, why did he? Yeah, he's got some shit glued on his head. Bro, the guy, he's handsome. He's a superior physical specimen. LeBron's hair falls out during games. Oh, God. Go full screen, Jamie. Full screen.

It keeps disappearing. Anthony Davis is telling him, hey, dog, your hair's up. Your hair fell off, dog. Oh, he did tell him. Yeah. Hey. Oh, he's pointing to your hair. He said, someone's up with your hair. He's laughing. Are they friends? Yeah. He's the only guy.

That's what I was telling you. He's the only guy on the team that could probably tell him that. Anybody else would get traded immediately. Look at him. He's fucking with his hair. Oh what I was telling you. He's the only guy on the team that could probably tell him that. Anybody else would get traded immediately. Look at him. He's fucking with his hair. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Last night, he didn't have the headband on. He had somebody fix it up nice.

Oh, God. He did have the headband on? No, did not last night. Look at his. That's nonsense. What's going on with his hair? Hey. Hey, something wrong with your hair.

Yo, dog. Look, he's laughing. Yo, dog. Got to fix that. Just so weird. Why does he want to deal with that? that you know what it is because he hasn't accepted it yet yeah but also he's still young he's 35 35 whatever yeah i know but friend his mind he's like i gotta still be the young guy you know but shave your fucking that's like john cena grew his hair out now i saw him on a fucking billboard and he has long hair and he always had like short military

cut, you know? Well, he's trying to be a family man now. I know. He wants to be that guy. You're talking about the movies he's doing now. It's kids, like a kid's firefighter movie or some bullshit. Oh, come on, dude. He wants to do The Rock.

He wants to be The Rock so fucking bad. Well, it seems like a good move. Yeah, but he won't be The Rock. The Rock is the fucking rock. He's not going to come anywhere near being The Rock. Can't be, can he be John Cena? Nope. The Rock is the fucking Rock. He's not going to come anywhere near being The Rock. Can't he be John Cena? Nope.

Can't he be John Cena? Nope. Take a hike, bud. He is John Cena. He just wants to follow that path of like WWE guy who's like sweet and nice and affable and also strong and can play the tough guy. But The Rock is a special person. People think they're going gonna be that guy but can he be a version of that no what can he do no because look what it looks it always looks cheap

look at fucking what's the guy in the fast and furious what who is it what's his name fin diesel yeah it always looks cheesy he's like i got the family family over everything he sounds cheesy everything he does the big tough guy thing is, only so many guys can pull it off anymore. Well, it has to be authentic. It has to be who you are. First of all, The Rock's an undeniable giant tough guy. Yeah, he's a fucking badass. He's a gorilla. He's built like a fucking brick shithouse. He's six foot six, stacked,

super jeans, Hawaiian, gorgeous man. Mammoth man. Super nice. Everybody loves him. Who doesn't love The Rock? Nobody. It's just so that- So big. So it's authentic. Jesus Christ, he's so big.

And John Cena, I'm sure he's a tough guy. I'm sure he's strong. He's tough. It's just some things, I think they all think that they can come into Hollywood and it's like an easy transfer. It's like- Definitely not easy. No, it's just not the same thing.

Well, you know who's doing it though? Dave Bautista. Dave Bautista. He's found his way. He has. I know. He's in that movie with- What the fuck's his name? Dave Bautista. He's found his way. He has. I know. He's in that movie with, what the fuck's his name? Yeah, but he's in Guardians of the Galaxy.

He's great in those movies. Want me to tell you a story? What are you going to tell me? Tell me something. Shut up. He's great in those movies. No, he's not. He's not?

Yeah. Tell me. I did a table read for that movie, because I knew some of the people involved. And we were just tabling. You know, they just want people to come and read and I was table reading for it and Bautista man he

he look I felt like he didn't want to even fucking do it like half of the time Guardians of the Galaxy? no no no no no the thing with Kumail

the Stuber thing but he was reading it and he was he was doing I mean he had glasses on he was like doing this I mean seriously he would go like this

I mean this is the script Right This is in front of like All the executives and shit Right And he would go Time to be Time to be the guy

That I need to be Wait a minute But it's for you No dude This is for This is everyone Table read Yeah table read

Like everyone's in the room It means like Executives, producers, directors So he had never gotten A script before It felt like he was Fucking his first time On that boat bud

I was like What is going on dude maybe it was of the for the i mean for the studio that that'd be crazy that'd be crazy for him to never see that scripting and do a studio table read i shouldn't even have said that i don't fucking whatever i'm not in the movie yeah it just felt like he was like i'm just saying The difference when you Meet people in In this industry In the television Television and film That are like

Just really really good Right On it You see it right away They're on it They're fucking I bet you The Rock Is phenomenal in table reads

And table reads are important Because the studio Gets to see it They get to kind of Right You're selling it a little bit You know what I mean The movie's gonna get

Fucking made It doesn't matter Yeah But it's just like It sells you more to all of these other sources to feel like yep this is the guy we want to get behind yeah because i've run into a lot of great actors and actresses in the business and like you can fucking tell dude the way that they handle things sometimes you're like oh man that's why they're good they just are like ready for it it's like it's it's like a good it's the same way a good comedian can just turn on you know we can be having this conversation seconds later you get on stage and it's like and you just know you know when to you know when to produce maybe he already

got the gig and didn't give a fuck does yeah it doesn't give a fuck that's a bummer i guess i get maybe it was the movie good i didn't see it Did you see it? Did anybody see it? There you go I don't know You know what's a bummer to me? That fucking Will Smith movie What the Gemini Man? Did you read for that? Yeah

Nobody went to see it Giant box office loss It looked fucking amazing But it was up against Like two other Right? Didn't it come out It was up against the Joker

Joker and one other film though Yeah Something else Something big Something else that was fucking huge It's like you couldn't Did you see the Joker? You found this out Yes Yes see Joker? I loved it

I told you this when we were in Detroit I nearly lost my shit I hear in the middle of the film In the middle of a really serious scene I hear someone go They're punched in on his face I hear a woman go Did they photoshop a hair lip on him?

I was losing it. I almost threw my popcorn. I was almost like, that's it. I'm out of here. I felt like the way I felt when I first saw the movie Belly in theater. When you hear things. Like that? Like you hear things sometimes.

Like you hear things like out of nowhere. I heard a girl say, in the ass is okay, but in the ass and the mouth, no fucking way. I heard a girl say that. She's right say she's right she's right but it's just like that that combination of things when you're like what you're like i'm sorry this is jimmy johns can you in the ass is fine but in the ass and in the mouth no fucking way like oh boy where what was the context of that fucking conversation i don't

remember well there's a site that's dedicated to that called Overheard in LA. Overheard in LA? And all they do is talk about bullshit that you hear in Los Angeles. That's like stupid LA-only phrases, you know? Yeah. And that's got to be one of them. This place. You're out. I'm checked out because it's on fire.

I know. It's on fire. The whole fucking place is on fire. Bel-Air is on fire right now. Yeah. Bel-Air. Yeah. Yeah.

What do we got? Girl dresses a cat. I'm almost 30. This Halloween is my last chance Bel-Air is on fire right now. Yeah. Bel-Air. Yeah. Yeah. What do we got? Girl dresses a cat. I'm almost 30. This Halloween is my last chance to fuck a guy dressed as Harry Potter. It's great. See? That shit's fucking great. Overheard in LA.

How much, are those writers, though, that are writing that kind of stuff? It's got to be, of course, yeah. I'm sure it was birthed organically. I'm sure some dude started it for fun, and then it just you know kept going yeah i'd like to fucking i'd like to go away from the fires northern california is even worse than we are i think we complain but they're really lit up sonoma's on fire yeah they get it bad yeah it's bad up there yeah that's where henry cejudo almost burnt fucking burnt to death you can catch fires man everywhere that's dry and la is dry as fuck and last year we got a lot of rain in the winter and everybody predicted that all this rain was going to dry out

as soon as the rainy season was over the grass was going to grow really high because of all the nutrients and all the water and then boom because the nutrient when we have fires and then water it's a terrible combination because apparently all the carbon from the fire actually helps all these plants grow. Right. So it's overgrown and then now it's overgrown and there's all this dead shit now. Dude, it's so overgrown. So the areas where I run, weeds were higher than I'd ever seen them before. Like fucking six foot tall weeds and all that mustard grass shit.

You know that stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That fucking shit's everywhere. And then that stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That fucking shit's everywhere, man. Yeah, and then when that dries up, it's over. What are those things called that my dog gets them? Fox tails? Yeah. Oh, my God, dude.

Everywhere. And that shit's dry and fucked up everywhere. My dog gets them everywhere because he has long hair. Yeah, goldens are bad with that. And he runs into the fucking bushes. He loves that shit. He's crazy. It takes forever.

We took my dog fucking camping. That was the worst shit on earth because she was just rolling around in that shit oh they love it and she gets back all happy and i'm like god damn it i gotta pick these fucking things out for like an hour brush them yeah brush them it's the worst yeah yeah we're on fire i want to go i wish we could go where would you go you'd go to chicago i'd go back to chicago yeah i would if i really could i would if i could just tour from chicago and then do whatever i wanted to do every once in a while why couldn't you so much to do here there's so much shit here you know what's the problem friends yeah friends like you and diaz and all our friends that are here you know i love the fact like last night i did that benefit for callan callan's friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go there. Schaub's there. Norm MacDonald's there.

We're all having fun. Callan's there. We're all laughing and hugging each other. We have a great time. Chappelle Lacey was there. We're all laughing. It's so fun. I'm like, I love the fact that I can leave my house.

I left my house at 8 o'clock. I'm there at 9. I'm home by like midnight. Not even. I think I was home at 11.30. I was only there for like An hour and a half But I had a great time

I had a recharge of Camaraderie and friendship You're not gonna get that If you leave And plus it was cool to do You know we did an arena Saturday night And then go to do the main room

It's like You feel the difference Between those two rooms So different Well you know What you ought to talk about Is how fucking We were taken back

By the Fox Theater Was fucking insane In Detroit huh Yeah people you could see it on my instagram i took uh videos of it and some photos and it's the most beautiful theater and i've worked in a lot of beautiful theaters it's the most beautiful theater i've ever seen it was stunning man when they the the staff was so cool they took us out afterwards the show was done we had chilled for a while me and ian edwards Ian Edwards And Joe had gone back Down to the stage And holy shit

Yeah Look at how fucking Incredible that is It's crazy And this is from the 1920s And they restored it Did he say in the 80s? 80s yeah

In the 80s it got restored Fucking A This place is beautiful And the staff there Is proud Yeah Like that dude That I forget

I don't remember his name Unfortunately Really nice guy Look at that That gave us all the And then they turned the lights down for us So we could see What it really looks like

And then turned the The roof light on Because they had all these spotlights on So they could clean And get everything ready And they turned those down for us And then turned the house lights on So we could see all the ornate

Gilded woodwork And just like You can't build a place like this anymore You can kind of see all the ornate gilded woodwork and just like you can't build a place like this and you can't you can kind of see on the top row there's faces carved up there yeah and he said they're all hand done i mean it's just it was fucking unreal oh he said uh he said they redid it in the 80s and five guys died while building it while fixing it and he had said when they had a guy up there cleaning they found a helmet helmet and like a pickaxe almost that was like placed in the helmet was on the pickaxe. And this bozo comes down.

He's like, hey, Mick, look at this shit. And the guy was like, hey, put that back. That was in memory of one of the builders that died during the original construction of it. Like they had put it deep in the rafters. He found it while he was cleaning. It was awesome. And then right away, of course, I knew it was going to go there after me and Joe were like,

oh yeah, fucking yeah, this is amazing. And then he goes, and you know it's haunted. I was like, I knew that was coming. I could tell from that. I could look from his face. He wanted to tell us that so bad. Your mother's pussy's haunted. Your mother's pussy's... He said somebody, George Lopez? No. he said some comic

was there and could hear the knocking apparently there's like knocking in the roof and he just bitched about it half of the show was saying like he kept hearing the knocking while he was on stage and i was like really the last word didn't subdue the fucking knocking bombing bro yeah dude you could hear the knock something about the knocking that's bothering me well dude the other night you said it at the improv there was a cricket inside oh yeah it was amplified like you could hear the knocking. There's something about the knocking that's bothering me. Well, dude, the other night, you said it. At the improv, there was a cricket inside. Oh, yeah. It was amplified. You could hear it so loud.

It was so loud. And that was both shows, right? Yes, it was insane. Both shows Wednesday. For the first show, I didn't hear it because Jesus was like, Jesus made a joke right away. He goes, man, you know it's bad when the crickets are louder than the laughs. He said it on stage?

Yeah. And then I was like, I didn't hear it. I went on stage, I couldn't really hear it. And then the second show, I was so loud I could hear it. It must have been up in the roof and something. No, it was over near the piano somewhere. Oh, the piano. It was over right underneath.

It was amplifying. The piano. With the piano. Joe loves the piano at the Hollywood Improv. That's his favorite item. It's my favorite thing. I love the fact that it takes up seats. I love the fact that it gets in the way

Of the people that are sitting over there They don't have a good view of the show I love the fact that it's fucking useless And no one plays piano there They say Craig Robinson uses it Craig Robinson has his own fucking keyboard Brings his keyboard Brings it everywhere he goes

Yeah Whenever he does shows It's not hard Puts it in his trunk Yep You know I see him They have one there for him too

Oh yeah They have a keyboard Oh yeah Roll that bitch out You know that stupid fucking piano. They have one there for him too, by the way. Oh yeah, roll that bitch out. You know that stupid fucking piano? Then they have two stupid fucking pianos.

They have one upstairs in the green room. Yeah. I'm like, what? What? What? Bud,

you know Bud, Bud probably loved pianos. That's all he knows. Pianos and monocles. I love pianos. He must have fucking loved it, to buy two pianos.

It is an old idea. Did the store used to have a piano right next to the stage? In the main room. Like when you would stand by the stage, Jeff Scott would play piano like he does in the main room. Yeah. Does he still play piano in the main room?

Or in the OR rather? Keyboard in the OR. Keyboard still. Yeah, he's got a keyboard over there. Yeah. Well, they used to have a piano in the main room. Yeah, I do remember it. So keyboard in the OR, piano in the main room.

Is that the only club that still has a professional keyboardist? I've never... That plays you up? Well, down in San Diego at the Comedy Store. Another Comedy Store. Yeah, he plays. He plays down there too. Lou, sweet Lou.

He plays the keyboard down there. Might be the most underrated room in the world. Yeah. Comedy Store La Jolla. La Jolla is fucking phenomenal. Might be the most underrated. It's phenomenal. It's actually... I've talked about this before

It's that It's the perfect shape And size and number Because it's a It's a nice box It's low and quiet And black The stage is not too high

It's great It's like It's like the OR in LA But it's on It's on one You know what I mean Some guys have DePaulo filmed

Or recorded One of his comedy specials there At La Jolla? Yeah, a CD. Yeah, he recorded a CD there. It's a fucking great place to do stand-up. It is. No, it's, I mean, and it's packed constantly, because those people down there, they don't

want to make the drive to come up to fucking LA, and there's nothing around there club-wise. Yeah, you get American Comedy Company in San Diego, they can go there, but La Jolla is so beautiful. La Jolla is beautiful, man. If I lived in La Jolla, I wouldn't want to go anywhere. We said that. If we were going to go down to San Diego, you'd move to La Jolla is so beautiful La Jolla is beautiful man If I lived in La Jolla I wouldn't want to go anywhere We said that If we were going to go down To San Diego

You'd move to La Jolla Oh yes It's fucking beautiful The fucking cliffs You ever see the view Off the cliffs there Yeah It'd be breakfast over there

It's stunning It's so nice man It's stunning It's a great little pocket You know You can walk to Tijuana How crazy is that I don't want to do that shit

But how crazy is that We were saying that in the car We were like San Diego is this like Beautiful pristine city With a lot of money You know I will argue

Not a ton of culture But you know That's okay How dare you Yeah that's okay I mean you've seen some of the shit How dare you Yeah okay

And then you cross the fucking border And TJ is like Donkeys fucking women Marshmallow shows Fucking chicklets What's a marshmallow show? You know They shoot marshmallows Out of their pussy Do they really? Yeah you don't know about that? What kind of force Do you chicklets. What's a marshmallow show? You know, where they shoot marshmallows out of their pussy.

Do they really? Yeah, you don't know about that? What kind of force do you have to generate to get a marshmallow? Dude, you gotta have strong muscles. What does it sound like? Pow, pow, pow. Ping pong balls. I've seen ping pongs.

Stan Hope told me a story about some lady in Thailand that could chew up bananas with her pussy and spit out chunks of it. She'd take a banana, stuff it in her pussy, chop it up. In my head, I just saw it has teeth. Well, she just had a fucking severe pinch. Some girls have stronger pussies than other girls. Fuck yeah. That is just a fact. And I think some gals just let the pussy be what it is.

Get it in there. Oh, we both feel good. It feels amazing. We're good. And some girls are like, no, no, no. You can put a little extra in there. Just put a little extra stuff. Check this out.

Some girls just know how to squeeze it. Genetics or is there training too? No, Kegels, man. There's exercises. Yeah. But it's just the how to squeeze it. Genetics or is there training too? No, Kegels, man. There's exercises. But it's just the act of squeezing it. I think every girl can squeeze it. But the act of actively squeezing, it requires work. I know.

When you feel the squeeze, it's awesome. Well, it's also, it feels great no matter what. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Vagina is a perfectly designed thing. Out of all the things in nature to have sex with vagina is number one it's the best let me think for a second i don't know i haven't really fucked a lot of different

things yeah but a vagina is about as good as it gets like nature's designed so that you spooge really quickly so that you can make a baby while the lions are coming after you that's how it's come and go come and go because it's supposed to be like yeah yeah run fucking leopards that's how you know we're getting lazier as a culture because we're trying to hold out as long as we can't yeah well it's just weird you know we're so safe we're so safe we're trying to like we're trying to not come how about those assholes that try to like come internally you know they do tantric oh sting they don't come and get just some extra hours tantric sex and they? Ugh. Fuck that. And they come internally.

Oh, oh, oh. Like their body absorbs it. And they don't shoot any loads. How weird to not shoot a load. Actually, the first time I jerked off, I didn't shoot. It scared me. What did you do? I jerked off and I came and I think I stopped and nothing came out.

And it freaked me the fuck out. Nothing came out? Nope. How do you know you came? Because I feel like I came. But you were so young. You'd never come before. I was 32. because I feel like I came but you were so young you'd never come before 32 I don't know I just remember the first time and then I did it again later that

night and I did come but I was scared I don't know I was freaked out you know Eddie Bravo told me he told me when he was young he was dating this girl and she was always worried that he was cheating on her and so that when if if he would come she would get upset if it wasn't that much she's like how come he didn't come that much he's like what measuring my level there wasn't there wasn't that much come did you fuck around and he was like what she kept thinking he was you imagine like someone's like like measuring judging the amount of uh projectile the amount of ejaculate i mean she she well was he i don't know yeah that's the other thing maybe she was keen she's like this load is light it's a little light load

here pal yeah it's like when someone sells you an eighth of weed you're like hmm this looks a little suspect this bag feels a little on the light side oh dude this annoyed me so much i saw an article that said they are finally at their they're at the final stages of making odorless weed this company in colorado is making odorless weed that's what i said get the fuck out of here dude here's the thing about weed it only smells to other people when you're smoking it doesn't smell no well it's delicious but isn't that weird yeah like when you're getting high like i don't smell anything yeah that's true you really can't people walk in the room like what the fuck did someone kill a skunk in this room?

Holy shit, boys. Yeah, these guys. What, you smell weed? These guys are trying to make, everyone's trying to manipulate weed to be everything not weed. Just fucking leave weed alone. This is how those people died from that vape shit.

They made all that fake weed pods or whatever. This is how they died from that vape shit. They vape 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Well, that's going to happen too. Take that robot dick out of your mouth, you fucking weirdo. I was at my doctor's office the other day and i got on the elevator it's one of my favorite things when a guy gets on the elevator stinking of weed yeah and then he recognized me i'm like what's up bro he's like yeah i had to get my head straight he goes uh

for work but it's my job i mean it's uh my company so it's all right i go okay well what was what do you do he was i don't know but he's high as fuck yeah but it was a medical office building i mean I mean it's my company So it's alright I go okay What did he do? I don't know But he was high as fuck But it was a medical office building I mean maybe you can just Can't you rent an office there if you're not? Yeah you don't have to be in the field I had to get my head straight Joe

Yeah he's like I had to get my head straight He stunk Stunk Stunk of weed Woo I like it when I I like it when I walk by it And you can smell it somewhere

And you're like Alright It's just like a nice little Pick me up for the day Right Hotel rooms Good for them Like when you pass in a hotel room

Like Oh yeah Right there Right there Yeah yeah How funny is it Ohio still You have to have AIDS

And cancer And leprosy Still I know someone that got it Without that What'd they do? Yeah Shoulder surgery

Or something like that Yeah but come on But what happens After surgery Yeah I don't know when he has to renew it i don't know i don't know what happens there but but just right over in michigan free louis there's fucking billboards everywhere just like la it's spreading across the country it's nice it's a nice feeling like when you're in the car you drive and you see you know the best cannabis in michigan you're like all right right on all right you guys did it Welcome to the 21st century Dude we were talking

Here in LA They finally have They finally have Full legal cannabis Cafes Where you can eat dinner And get hot You can get served

By a bud tender And dinner Yeah that's Lowell Lowell Cafe They're a sponsor of the podcast They're fucking awesome Did you eat in there

No my buddy just went I heard the food is amazing He said the food was phenomenal Yeah But he says you get full bud tenders Full Like really nice meals He's like

The ambiance is gorgeous It was this old I remember where it was too It was an old shitty Shut down like You know in the corner of LA When it's like a It used to be a gas station

Then it's like They sell junk You know what I mean It's just like a junk pit You know of like Sometimes it's like a flower sale place or whatever signs. And they gutted that, cleaned it out, turned it into this gorgeous restaurant with all

this beautiful foliage on the outside. It's really nice, man. Here's the thing about cigarettes. Cigarettes kill your taste buds. Weeds, weed enhances your taste buds, which people don't know. Like when you smoke weed and then eat, food tastes better. Oh, it's so much better. It does. Even shit I don't know. Like when you smoke weed and then eat, food tastes better. Oh, it's so much better. It does.

Even shit I don't like tastes better. Yeah, but also, like, do you think if you were high as fuck, you'd be able to tell there's something wrong with those vegetables that you ate? Probably. Actually, probably. I think so.

I've been like... God, that's so funny. Something's wrong. If I turn and I go, dude, these are... Something's weird about this. I'm not going to eat this shit anymore. No, instead I was just like...

But that's got to I go, dude, these are weird about this. I'm not going to eat this shit anymore. No, instead I was just like. But that's got to be true, though, that it enhances in the right way. That's like magic fruit. We've talked about that. What's magic fruit? You can order this online. Magic fruit changes the chemical composition of your taste buds on your tongue for about 15 to 20 minutes. What is it?

So sour things taste sweet. We talked about this? Yeah, we talked about it. When did we talk about it? During the podcast? I think we did. Really? Yeah, magic fruit. Not on this one, but we talked about it When did we talk about it? During the podcast? I think we did Really? Yeah Not on this one

But I know about it for sure Oh so maybe you talked about it With another person Yeah You should google the real name I don't know what the magic fruit Real name is But it's a berry

It's like the nut of a berry And you You eat it And when you put it in your mouth It doesn't taste great Or you put the dissolved tablets They have now And your whole tongue

The composition of your tongue chain so like you could eat a lemon and it tastes it tastes sweet whoa yeah it's fucking miracle fruit sorry fruit senespium delicio fism senespium dole facium facium look at you you're really good with latin dole facium dude you have a latin education yeah man plant node for its berry when eaten causes sour food subsequently consumed to taste sweet. The effect is due to miraculin. Yeah. Miraculin sounds too close to mescalin.

Yeah. What if you ordered one and you got the other? Well, still have a good night. Interesting. Yeah, it's wild, man. A good friend of mine did it at a dinner party. Because a lot of people were skeptical. They were like, I don't know. He's like, you should try

it. So then for appetizers, he would give us this. And they had a platter of different things to try out that were usually sour. And it's insane how sweet it tastes. What about a sweet fruit like a melon? What would that taste like? Well, everyone has, when you taste sugars, it tastes different on everyone's tongue when you're on this fruit.

So for some people, it tastes dull. And other people, it tastes kind of like off. Like it's not you're on this fruit So for some people it tastes dull And other people it tastes kind of like off Like it's not It's not the correct flavor profile So like Some people Like for me sugary stuff Tasted kind of dull

Or like numb Like an apple Tastes dull Apple's not sweet enough Like a Like an orange Like an orange slice Whatever

It just tastes kind of Flat Flat Yeah flat It's weird Interesting I never knew about that. I never even heard about it.

Yeah, see that? Every day. The more you know. The more you know. But that stuff, I wish there was more shit like that for food when you ate it that like...

Makes it taste better? Yeah, that makes different things taste better. That gets rid of the one part that's nasty. Like, I like blue cheese, but then sometimes if I eat it, I taste too much of the fucking... Oh, I love that stuff. I love it. it I taste too much of the Of the fucking Oh I love that stuff

I love it If it's too much I'll eat a giant bar of blue cheese I can't Now look at that Jamie loves it I love blue cheese It's just in small doses I'm okay with it

But if it's too much of the Too much of the guffy cheese stuff I can't do it I enjoy steak as is Yeah I don't need anything on steak But I've had steak Like a filet mignon

with a blue cheese crumble on top. God damn it. Phenomenal. We had good steaks at dinner that Jamie missed because he couldn't come see us and hang out. Jamie fucked up. Fucking dork. Jamie lost his... Jamie got one of them cool front wallets, a ridge wallet, which I have too. They're the best. And they have RFID

protection. But has that ever happened to you? Has anybody ever scanned your credit card? I've been wondering about that I remember Dateline especially People can scan you when you're walking by Does anybody ever do that? I definitely think they have done it But how do they do it?

Do they have to be right on top of it? How does that work? They have to be within a certain amount of distance Just like on the bank scanner I've heard they have to be within a few feet of you I think subways, places like that Are where you heard they have to be Within a few feet of you That's pretty I think subways Places like that

Are more susceptible Where you're sitting next to someone For a long period of time And they're just like Yeah and they're right near you Walking by you Has got to be so hard To pick it up

Well so Jamie has his Ridge wallet But he also has sweatpants Yeah don't worry about that And he also had his feet up On the chair in front of him He's gelling His legs are up in the air Like he was giving birth

And his His Shit fell out His ID Credit cards Yeah he lost it No cash though right No cash

Maybe 20 bucks I don't know Yeah And your ID So you couldn't come see us man You fucked up bro And he might He might be fucked up so hard

That he can't come to New York Next week For Masvidal Versus Diaz Not even next week. Saturday night. Five days. Yeah. Saturday night. He doesn't know when he's going to get his ID. Are you in process right now? Yeah. Did you try

to get a passport? So there's a couple of things that I thought you could do. Apparently you can't do. So there's a confusion on what that is. The ability for that. The actual card is now on the way in the mail like through the state so now it's just in the hands of the state you'll get in a month the only

time i ever lost it my in ohio you could just go go back and get it right away so like i don't know days yeah i don't know when the times have changed on that i don't think the birth certificate i have is certified because it's it's an actual photocopy of my real birth certificate which i used to use that was a good thing to have back in photocopying bitch you have to have all sorts of shit now like i don't even have that my mom's gonna help me get it oh yeah dude i don't i don't know even know where any of that stuff it's got to be in my mom's house somewhere but i have no fucking idea where that stuff is oh jesus social security i always bring my passport as well just in case yeah that's smart Yeah but also clear Clear is the shit I know we walk right through It's the best

You do your fingerprints Picture comes up You are clear You are clear Thank you And then you go on through The people are super friendly They walk you all the way up

To the guy Or the gal who's working there They wave at you Everybody walks right through And I have pre And TSA pre Yeah Or TSA pre and clear

Oh Same So nice Well you don't travel international enough to have global, right? You don't have global. I have that too, bitch. Why would you do it? Why wouldn't I, bitch?

Do you go out of the country? Shit. I've been out of the country every fucking year for the last 15 years. I know, but does everybody in your family have it too? Yes. They all got to have it. Bitch. Yeah.

Come on. Global clearance. Come on. I don't fuck with that. Come on. You don't fuck with global entry? I don't have it. I don't do global.

Global entry gives you free TSA pre. How about that? I already got the TSA pre. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. You get one, you get both. How about entry? I don't have it. Global entry gives you free TSA pre. How about that? I already got the TSA pre. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. You get one, you get both. How about that? I didn't know.

You got to go, everyone, if most states, I don't know actually, I don't know how many states have this, but being at the DMV last few days, real ID is a new thing coming through some states. And if you want to travel domestically, you have to get a new ID. What? Or your passport. You can't just, oh, oh, I already have the passport. But that's to fly from like new ID. What? Or your passport. That's to fly from here to Ohio.

You need your passport for that. You have to have a passport if you want to go to Vegas. Shut up. That's so dumb. Or get this new version of the California ID. Get to go give another... Big brother wants it, baby. Just put something in my arm. That's what they want. They want you to give in.

Let them do it. I gave in when i bought these when i bought this tracking device that's listening to me 24 hours a day your phone yes what are you doing at the what's the worst thing you do that that phone picks up talk shit but that's normal that's normal do you think that's so funny there's a there's a file there's a file of all the shit talking what if they log your shit talking I'm sure they do One day you're going to say something bad about the government They're going to pull you aside

President Elizabeth Warren is going to bring you into a room Shut your mouth She's going to show you all the things you've done It's going to be Peter Buttigieg You know that What is that some governor from some local South Bend Indiana He's like we got a fag running in the office.

Mayor Pete. What did he say? Some homo. We got some homo running for president. Who said that? Some dude at some local government thing. Did he? Yeah, he was all mad.

And some woman left. She was like, I'm so offended. I'm so offended. And then when people are like, can you believe... He's not even doing a good job as mayor. That's ridiculous. Remember when there was a cop that shot someone and his response was inadequate? And so they had all these fucking people saying, how the fuck are you running for president while you're the mayor?

Yeah. Which I don't understand either. No. I don't understand how the fuck you could have an incredibly time-consuming taxing job like being the mayor of a major city. Not major, but it's a city. A city. There's a few people living there. You're supposed to be running that

and you're also running for president? It sounds like you're slacking. Yeah. Right? Yeah. It's like if you had a job and you were the fucking CEO of, whatever, fucking Heineken, right?

And then in the meantime, you're out there campaigning to be the CEO of Budweiser. Yeah. Heineken will pull you over. Hey, fuckface. Can I talk to you for a second? What are you doing?

What's up, dude? You're not even're not even here Eight hours out of the fucking week You're off doing Budweiser shit Yeah but that's a great gig Budweiser gig is a great gig I like the Heineken gig I try to get the Budweiser gig If you guys are cool with it I hope you guys are cool with it

But even more Wiley spread video A county commissioner Warren Hur, can be seen giving minutes-long speech against what he sees as an American changing, America changing towards liberal values, arguing to make his jurisdiction a gun sanctuary, meaning that resources would be diverted away from enforcing certain gun laws. Whoa. In the speech, Hirsch lamented, Well, we got running for

president in the Democratic Party saying that better candidates could be found in jail. He continued, We got a queer running for president. If that ain't about as ugly as you can get, referring to Buttigieg. We got a queer running for president. If that ain't about as ugly as you can get. Referring to Buttigieg. We got a queer running for president. He's openly gay.

Wow. If that ain't about as ugly as you can get. What do you think would happen if he became president? How bad would the homophobia be in this country? Through the fucking roof. Through the fucking roof. Holy shit, it'd be endless. It almost would be worse for gay people in the short run. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. It's like the homophobes would make, they would be so adamant. It'd be dangerous for Buttigieg. Buttigieg. Buttigieg would set it up. But he doesn't have a fucking snowball's chance in hell. I mean, he's not even remotely close.

No. You know who kills me is that Beto O'Rourke. Beto O'Rourke, yeah. He seems like a joke. Yeah. Like someone said, look, dude, here's the sketch. For the next 24 months, you are going to pretend you're running for president. And I just want you to like skateboard and say a bunch of dumb shit and you speak spanish on real

real clumsy with the way you talk about things right tell them you're going to take their guns just say it openly say fuck the second amendment i'm taking your guns me beta beta or ruric i'm going to be alpha osantino and the next time i run it's like you know how you know like you know how um ollie g like he has these characters yeah sarah sasha baron cohen yeah you know he has the fucking borat character he has the the other the gay character it's almost like a character yeah like i'm like a fictional person of like a super like emo sort of sam tripoli had a picture of beto on his instagram saying don't ever forget this when this guy runs for president it's him covered

with letters like letters all over his body this is like vegan feminist it's like writing all over his body and i and i i said to sam i said is that really him he's like fuck yeah it is but i don't know if sam really knows yeah i was just gonna say i don't know if sam's done any research sam and i sam and i have endless endless arguments that go fucking nowhere perfect i almost hope it is him i don't know i'm looking for that exact picture that was gonna the only thing i do know about him before this was happening was that he was known to be in this thing called the cult of the dead cow which is like a hacker group back in the day oh my god like one of our first hacker groups you know like when the movie hackers is a thing like that time period i think

it must come from that the cult of the dead being covered with all the words that's right i don't know what the no it's like him in his underwear with writing all over his body did you see that they fucking changed the ABC's yeah how'd they do that

why'd they do that now they don't now it's not you know cause our youth you know you learn L-M-N-O L-M-N-O

so now it's not L-M-N-O why they sing it L-M-N they change the rhythm of the fucking song. Why did they do that?

Because they don't want kids to say Elemento to get confused that those are not separate, that they are separate letters. I saw yesterday, who's the they that changed it, though? I don't know. One guy recorded a new version of the song and went viral. But it's all over the place. Who's the they that's getting confused? Is it going in schools?

That's the only thing I know. I don't know. It's everywhere, though. I don't know about that. But did you find the Beto thing? I'm looking for the picture. I don't know. It's everywhere, though. I don't know about that. But did you find the Beto thing? I'm looking for the picture. I don't know. I think I saved it in my favorites.

I see a bunch of older pictures of him from back then. I was going to say, have you gone to Sam's Instagram? No, but did you look at Sam's Instagram? Yeah, it's on his gram, right. Or you could ask Sam to send it to you. I didn't have it in my favorites. I probably was so disturbed by it, I didn't make it a favorite. You know, it's Sam's wallpaper on his phone, I'm sure. Sam's wallpaper it to you. I didn't have it in my favorites. I probably was so disturbed by it I didn't make it a favorite. You know, it's Sam's wallpaper on his phone, I'm sure.

Sam's wallpaper in his house. Send us. I don't see it on his Instagram. It's pretty far back. It's like six months ago. Yeah, maybe too far back. He posts every day. It might not be worth it.

Instagram, Sam Trip Tripoli Beto. What a weird name too. Beto. Beto. It's so close to beta. Beta Oroke. He seems like such a silly guy. And then that girl Katie Hill announced her resignment because she's getting harassed.

She was banging a dude. And a woman. Yeah. Thrupples, baby. She was banging a guy and a girl yeah really well the girl she openly admitted to the guy she said was there was false rumors about their work sexual relationship that they never hooked up at work or some bullshit like that what's the problem that her husband that's probably part of it that she's married but that her husband comma problem one that he's being emotionally abusive to her by like releasing all this information about her cheating oh that's hilarious yeah he's being emotionally abusive imagine if it was a wife

doing that about a male come on it wouldn't no one would say that Uh uh You would never say that She's being emotionally abusive About her cheating husband Nope That's hilarious But she said But this article That I read said He's being emotionally abusive

About her past About her Whatever Infidelity Yeah her infidelity Right That's hilarious Well cause they got video

You know there's video of her Of her banging girls Yeah hooking up with these Hooking up with these people and pictures and all this shit. Oh, wow. Some comic had a funny tweet this morning that was like, I just like the idea of a throuple's kind of hot, but when you saw the picture of who she hooked up with,

you're like, oh, bummer. Well, sometimes it's better just than the imagination. I found the picture Sam put update. I know this is not a real picture of Beto. Oh, Sam. He updated it I caught it Before it was an update

I just asked him for it too Damn it I said no never mind Okay That's not what I was Going to think I didn't think I was Going to find that either

That's not what I thought I saw But imagine if it was real Put the picture up Yeah I want to I want to see it regardless Put the picture up So Tripoli

There look at that Look look look look Look Panacea Atheist Vegan Naturist Is that a word? Naturist Ecologist Queer Slut Hmm Look, look, look, look, look. Panacea, atheist, vegan, naturist. Is that a word?

Naturist? Ecologist, queer, slut. Hmm. Okay. That's someone's boy. And that's not a real picture. It's a picture of someone, but not Beto. But not of Beto.

But it looks exactly like him. It looks a lot like him. I think Tripoli thought it was him. He was hoping. The old days. You could just say it's him. Yeah, what is it? Show a picture.

I promise, man. You promise? It's him. I promise it's him. He's a. The old days, you could just say it's him. Yeah, what is it? Show a picture. I promise, man. You promise? I promise it's him. He's a Mason too. What? Man, when people are Masons, everybody freaks out. I'm so ignorant. I don't really know what that is, but I see it all the time.

It's an ancient group that you could belong to. I know, but that's still happening. I know that, but I mean, it's still happening today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand. Who becomes a Mason today? Isn't Michael Chiavello a Mason? And I think Pat Miletic is a Mason today Isn't um Michael Chiavello is a Mason And I think Pat Miletic is a Mason as well

Someone else? Randall Carlson How do you go through it? Is there like a fraternal fucking I don't know I think it's like some guy explained it to me once In Houston Some dude and he seemed pretty honest He's like ah it's a fucking guys club

You hang out Like the Rotary Club It's like some ah, it's a fucking guys club. You hang out. Yeah. Like the Rotary Club? It's like some secret shit. It's gone on forever and ever. He goes, but it's nothing. It's mostly just a place where guys hang out. They say that. That's how they're really doing it.

Yeah, I don't know. Planning some fucked up shit, though. That's really where people plan stuff. They go, oh, don't worry about us. It's nothing. Government takeover type shit? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Who did we talk to in the car that said that they were saying they think, type shit yeah yeah yeah who do we talk to in the car that said that they were saying uh they think uh oh that they was talking about snowden saying that he's oh yeah controlled opposition opposition that term that term bugs the shit out of me yeah because i've heard it so many times used about me your controlled opposition yeah that's what I did. My entire life, what I did was I got into martial arts. I became a martial arts guy, taught martial arts, got into stand-up comedy.

But it was really just to become controlled opposition. All of it. This career, putting together a podcast, all that. Talking shit, smoking weed with Elon Musk. It's just controlled opposition. It was just a long, slow play. A long play. long play it's basically the chinese government got a hold of me when i was a baby and they groomed me did they oh

yeah yeah yeah i didn't know oh yeah yeah yeah controlled opposition the thing is when people on the outside you know have you ever had someone like come up with a theory about you that you read it you're like what i'm gay according to the internet That's my favorite How'd you become gay Because I said on a post one time That I married Chris D'Elia That we were like running away And like a

Foreign publication Got a hold of it That like The English translation Is hysterical What do you think The original language was I don't

I have no idea Foreign When it was foreign We said foreign Just foreign Just foreign foreign But it just says I'm gay If you look it up

Is Andrew Santino gay It says A lot of things say I'm gay Congratulations you look it up Is Andrew Santino gay It says A lot of things say I'm gay Congratulations Yeah I'm actually Kind of stoked about it If you were gay Would you be a top or a bottom

I'd be a power bottom Power What is a power bottom I push back You know what I mean Oh okay We wear boots I thrust hard

Yeah Grips and shit Gloves I wear fingerless gloves I slam back Right right right Like the kind that guys Work out in the park

You know those guys That wear those work gloves Yeah there I am. I'm gay. Andrew Santito married with wife or gay man. Bio hints what sexuality might be. Live ramp up? That's the name of the website?

Look at you and D'Elia. Hilarious. That is, you look gay in that picture. I know. Oh my god, you look like you're looking at a dick. I'm so hungry for it. Hungry, hungry, hungry Yeah, it says I'm gay, dude So I guess I am What are you gonna do?

At least you're not controlled opposition I am, though You're both? Mm-hmm Amazing Gay controlled opposition Amazing Yeah

I've been I'm a government experiment Those gloves Those workout gloves All those guys who work out in the park do like those crazy calisthenics guys. They wear these like work gloves. They wear work gloves when they work out. Yeah.

I've been fucking fascinated by these videos. You ever pay attention to those workout in the park guys? The street workout guys? Yeah. Oh my God. You've seen the prison workout guys. The fucking shit that they can do. Yeah.

But I mean, these guys in the park is what I'm talking about. Yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. They do it outside now. They take prison workouts and they teach them in the park. There's a guy that does a YouTube thing that's like prison workouts in the park and shit. Oh, I don't know. There's a guy who has park workouts.

I didn't know it was prison workouts in the park. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know if this guy wears the gloves, but he uses whatever he can, right? Well, these guys are just using the monkey bars and parallel bars and chin-up bars and stuff that you find. You know those workout areas in parks? Yeah. These guys, man. The fucking build on these dudes. Yeah, they're jacked.

And the fucking feats of strength that they do where they'll do a chin-up, keep their legs extended. What is the name of this YouTube channel? Bar Stars. Yes. This is an older video too right 2011 there's a bunch there's a bunch of these believe it or not this guy does not have an impressive physique in comparison to a lot of these fuck no truthfully some of these guys are it's un-fucking-real yeah but it's an amazing way to exercise when you realize like look this shit look at this shit look at this shit this guy's doing dips but he's doing dips with his legs almost parallel to the floor behind him that requires like freakish control of your body there's so many of these guys too it's like it's an incredible way to work out like you really realize like man you don't need a gym to get a

body like that like who wouldn't be happy with a body like that Who'd be like man I gotta lift some weights That's about as good a body as you can get And these fucking guys are all doing it At the gym I mean at these you know These gym setups in the park You can get a fucking amazing workout

It's just a lot of push ups, sit ups and pull ups right That's the majority of it Yeah this guy looks good I mean you see some guy there was one guy that did it he was mom 52 you see one guy who did it who was 63 jamie what but he's he's in good shape he's in good shape but one guy who did it was 63 but there was a guy that i was looking at the other day that was uh 35 years old and he looked like a fucking comic book superhero and the dude was talking to him so you see they're all having these um yeah those gloves but they were talking to this dude and they were like this is all you do you don't lift anyways he's like i don't touch weights man all i do all i do like this fucking guy look

at this fucking back build on guy. Look at his muscle ups. And Jamie's been trying to do a muscle up for four years now. He's never even come close. This guy's just throwing six, seven muscle ups, eight. Freakish. This is a great transition from is Andrew gay to then me and you watching men do

pull ups. This is going to be great for the internet. But the build that these guys create. No, it's just from for the internet. But the build that these guys create just from doing muscle-ups. Can you do one? Can you do a muscle-up now, Jim? This guy's at 12. He did 12 fucking muscle-ups. That's insane,

man. He's dying at 12. Oh my god, that's it. But they all wear those work gloves. Look at how fucking shredded these guys are it's an amazing way to work out man because it's all body weights you know it's all chin ups and dips and push-ups and they figure out a way to do them in all sorts of different ways right they figure out a way to do these chin ups and dips and different angles so you're hitting the bottom

of your chest the top of your chest i think there's a lot of genetics involved there too well there's a lot of hard work, man. I don't care what kind of genetics you have. To do what that guy just did, you need to fucking work hard for a long time. Totally. But also, like, those guys are fucking, that's supreme athlete shit, too. At some point, they're blessed with, like, athletic skill to be able to get to that point. You know what I mean?

Some people can work out a lot and still never be able to do a fucking muscle-up. Pointing to Jamie like that? Yeah. Excuse me. I just had an injury I've been recovering from. Which one? What is it? He fell while he was using one of our hoverboards.

I told him not to fuck with it. Dude, it did. He fucked his back up hard. Wait, with the one wheel thing? No, the other one. The two wheel ones. I don't like those fucking things. Those are great.

You ate shit? Oh, did he eat shit? Feet up. Feet up. Broke a camera. Back first. Boom. Oh ate shit? Oh, did he eat shit? Feet up. Feet up. Broke a camera. Back first. Boom. Oh, shit, really?

I had my camera in my hand. I was getting real confident and thought I could start filming while I was going around on it. And I stopped to just look at the lens. Next thing I know, I was on the ground. The camera was broken. They got me on that one wheel. He's been hurt for over a year.

What did you hurt the most? His dick hole. Literally, I don't know what it went through But it fucked up my posture Oh his dick hole Because it started in my back I couldn't sit right for a while Then it just started problems

Down in my left leg and hip Oh shit Yeah not good Yeah if you can't sit right man You can get a bulging disc easy You know how people get bulging discs? Guys with big wallets You have like a wallet

You keep too many business cards Is that real? Fuck yeah it's real Oh that's funny Guys you're sitting on your wallet And all your weight's on one ass cheek And your disc gets compressed And you're hunched at a computer all day

And after a while it bulges You know who doesn't have a wallet? Who? Me How about Jamie? Jamie doesn't have a wallet either Jamie doesn't either I put all my shit in my front pocket

That's from when I was a kid You don't have What do you do with your credit cards? My front pocket You don't have a clip or anything? Nope. Bro, you ever see a Ridge wallet? You know what those are? Yeah, I know. Get one of those. Yeah, I used to push them on my show. I don't like wallets.

I don't love wallets. What do you like? I just like having cash and cards. You have a case on your phone now. I do now. I know, I know, I know. I used to never have a case. You know why? It broke. No. It's made out of glass? No. You're not stupid anymore? No. I'm still fucking stupid. I put a case. You know why? Oh, it broke. No. It's made out of glass? No. You're not stupid anymore? No.

No, I'm still fucking stupid. I put a case on it because the AppleCare is gone on this thing now. Oh, someone's scared. No, it's just because the phone is done. I don't know. It's like I paid the phone off and then there's no AppleCare anymore left. Oh, I've been scared. No, I just don't want to have to deal with it now.

Oh, you were dealing with it before. No, I just, if I did break it, I would just go get a new one. So you're one of those guys when you have car insurance, you drive like an asshole? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Do you get rental insurance? Do you get rental insurance or no? No, because my insurance has it covered already.

Yeah, but they try to get it for you, right? Yeah, but I always- Would you like coverage? I treat those things like shit. Collision coverage? I'm crashing it. Yeah, you, I mean, I have a fun car. I'm... Would you like coverage? I treat those things like shit. Collision coverage? I'm crashing it. Yeah, you... I mean, I have a fun car.

I'm going to drive it fun. I want to drive it fun. I get it, bro. You do. You know. You know. I'm not that guy. What guy?

I'm not the guy that pulls up... Don't point at me. I didn't... I pointed up at the sky. You're pointing at me. You're pointing at me, Jamie. I'm not that guy. Who's he pointing at?

It's all finger going straight across from yourself. Oh, fuck you, Jamie. Fuck you. Jamie, don't fall finger going straight across from yourself. Oh, fuck you, Jamie, fuck you. Jamie, don't fall off a fucking hoverboard again. Fall on the other side and bounce

yourself out. He's got a scooter with handles now, I think. He does. He's got a power scooter. Wait, what?

It goes fast. Yeah. What do you mean a power, like a fucking... Like a bird scooter, but like way faster. It goes like 25

miles an hour, like a Usain Bolt sprint. Is that a custom made? Did you get that? You can't buy that. You just buy it? Yeah, I bought it. You buy it from China. they're trying to kill white people hell yeah they're made in

america fuck yeah china no it's not the pieces are it was probably compiled assembled in china they got me on the one wheel out there i'm i fucking i learned it real fast how many of those maga hats are made in china every single one probably they are every single word every fucking one yeah i love them That's hilarious MAGA hats being made in China is fucking funny You know fashion wise Fashion's gonna When he's gone and all this shit's over within a decade or so

Those hats are gonna be so fucking popular Oh yeah They'll be worth so much money Oh my god it's like Dick Like Dick Nixon Like Richard Nixon t-shirts Oh yeah that's right They're very valuable

Tricky dick You could wear a Nixon t-shirt right now Nixon for president 100% Nobody would Nobody would say shit. Nobody would beat your ass. No. People will beat your ass if you have a red hat with other white letters on it.

Yeah, just cause. Like there's a girl who got maced in the face and she had a hat that said make Bitcoin great again. Someone didn't read it. They didn't bother reading it. Fuck you with your red hat with white letters. They maced her right in the face. A video of it. No, I'm ignorant.

But has this happened for any other president where this kind of thing had like did someone wear shirts for another president that was kind of no no no no this is number one crazy not only that dude how about what it says make america great again who was like fuck you we don't want it to be great fuck you it's just the representation the context They just associate Trump So they're like That's it It's also again Like make it great again Like when was it great When slavery was legal

When was it great When civil rights wars Were going on When was it great Yeah the phrase is inherently Fucking wrong When things were segregated When was it great

Name the great time When was it great When we first came here And we stole it from people I'll tell you when it's great Right now bitch Yeah It's as good as it's ever been

It's not gonna get better than this If you pay attention to real trends, forget about how you feel. Forget about your own personal experience. If you just look at objective trends in terms of violence, crime, all the statistics that we're all really terrified

about, there's never been a better time. No. There's never been a better time for humanity. But it's always going to be the United States. It's a pretty god damn good time We always were our best critic Well fucking Trump just went after Chicago again He just was making fun of my city because of the crime rate Saying how we can't get it under control

I was talking about the cops Chicago cops Saying that we can't get crime under control in Chicago Well he's probably making fun of the mayor In some way He's blaming it on the mayor oh yeah that's what it is it's your favorite mayor yeah i love her well it's just easy to make fun of i know she seems like a nice lady though we just get shot shot chicago gets shots taken at it all

the time because it's like they're like outside fucking it's all violence it's like it's not all fucking violence well that's what's even more fucked about it it's a very specific area that has had extreme violence for a long time south side and the west side yeah it's dark man but then so much meanwhile scary that when you have a place that like it's where it's isolated you know where there's just like so much violence there and then outside of it it's really nice like what but some of the nice areas we're getting even like kids would do these things uh they do these mob attacks where they go to like a really nice area like michigan avenue where all the tourists are and shit and they would just like rob someone but they'd be like 15 people on one

you know so they knew that a they were going to get away with it and b how could you stop it's kind of so much chaos like organized chaos and they would run into a store and steal shit and just leave because they figure you're not going to get all of us right it's like maybe one person gets caught but rob from the rich you know i saw a video of i don't know how many times they've done it right now but groups it's happened three times in california twice here somewhere else uh probably 200 people get on those scooters and just take over a street and then just go wherever they can go oh shit and shit. And the cops are trying to stop them, but there's so many people they can't stop, and the helicopters are on them.

Do they organize online? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like Facebook meetups or something like that. Wow. What are those things called? Just having fun. What are those things called when people have flash mobs? Flash mobs. They have a flash mob for scooters?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I haven't seen anything dangerous happening, but I mean, I'm sure it's... Speaking of dangerous, what do you think about what Trump did when that guy, when they killed the head of isis and he said he died crying and whimpering and then he watched the whole thing on video i'm like jesus he's like a he's like a deranged comedy writer like he's like a fuck he like he like sometimes i think he's like trying to be funny or clever and it i just don't it's like an autistic kid he just doesn't his tick is wrong

but that just does not seem very presidential no that's what i'm saying his tick is off i think he thinks it's normal or fun or or interesting or dynamic and people are like he has no one person next to him going do we is that what you want us that's the version that you want to say because he just i we talked about that on the plane is like the theory of how do you tell someone they're wrong when things have told them that they're right how do you tell the guy that's like i won against all odds to become the president when someone's like you shouldn't tweet that he's like really look at all the fucking other stuff that you know what i mean like it's hard to convince this guy that he's wrong when well if anybody tells him not to do things he fires yeah they're gone yeah

so it's just kind of like he has a bunch of yes men anyway well he's treating the presidency the same way he treats running trump tower yeah it's basically the of like he's a bunch of yes men anyway. Well, he's treating the presidency the same way he treats running Trump Tower. Yeah. It's basically the same thing. You're fired. Everybody tells him what to do. Get the fuck out of here. You're fired.

Yeah. And he's just doing it on a large scale. But do we expect differently? That's what's weird. What would you expect different out of a guy who's 70? What is he, 74? I don't even know. How old is he?

Mid-70s, yeah. That's so old, too. To be running a giant fucking thing like the presidency. He loves McDonald's, baby. Does he? He loves McDonald's. I know he loves Kentucky Fried Chicken. What's up?

What? What does it say? I don't know. Yeah, 73. 73. Did you see the photo that they put out yesterday? Oh, yeah. A lot of people were saying this is a staged photo.

Yeah, it looks... Oh, my God. It looks photoshopped. Fuck. Yeah. All the things aren't plugged in to the Cat5 wires. They just kind of laid them around. All the guys are kind of looking in different directions.

Who fucking let that... What kind of IT guy let that thing be so goddamn sloppy? What is this supposed to be a photo of? Them watching that happen, because they're trying to compare it to the one that happened... The Obama one, when they killed bin Laden, and everyone's sitting around the one That happened The Obama one When they killed Bin Laden And everyone's sitting Around the room How weird is it

They all watch That's funny There's a bunch of Go down There's a bunch of Photoshopped ones That are coming out now Yeah I know

They're making jokes of it now There's Hulk Hogan Look at Hulk Hogan Sarah Palin's in there We saw a video this weekend Bruce Willis is in the back We saw a video this weekend Of Hulk Hogan

Checking down some guy At a restaurant He was on crutches And some guy must have Said something fucking stupid To him And he walked up to him And he was giving him

The whole like Like I'm a personality But I'll still bust your Like that's what I like About guys like that That are like Yeah no I'm famous And like you know

You can be like cute And hello and say But like talk shit And I'll still fuck you up Like Hulk Hogan Will fuck you up He Hulk Hogan will fuck you up he's a big fella he's a bad bitch we were

saying that he lost like three plus inches of height because of all of his back operations yeah because they removed all of his discs and fuse them all together so all the cushion in between

his discs are all gone it's fucking nuts all the spinal columns are all smooshed together and bolted down and so many different places. And it's all from? From pro wrestling, man.

Yeah. So hard on your body. It does take such a toll on their fucking body. As much as I think it's still goofball bullshit. Oh my God. It's so hard physically. So hard physically. Well, that's why Dallas Page created DDP yoga.

I know. I mean, he really created that just to strengthen his spine and rehabilitate himself from all the injuries that he incurred during pro wrestling. He's the shit. He's a good dude. He's a great dude. I just think like that. And that fucking workout is hard as shit.

Yeah, you see like in-shape dudes trying it online and they're struggling. It's fucking hard, man. Look, yoga's hard. And his yoga's particularly intense because he adds a lot of dynamic tension to it. Right. And that guy's, I mean, he's in his 60s, and he came here, and he was doing some yoga poses, like grabbing a hold of his ankle and lifting it up over his head.

He's in fucking tremendous shape. I've never done yoga once. It's great. I know. People say it's good. I don't know. Come with me, bitch. I don't want to do hot.

I don't want to do hot. Oh, I'm scared of you. No, I'm not scared. I'm going to sweat. Mr. I run five miles, but I'm scared of you. Fucking dick. So scared. Do it'm gonna sweat Mr. I run five miles But I'm scared Fucking dick So scared Do it hot Why don't you do it hot

It's the best way to do it Jamie It's the best way Because you stretch out better You're just ganging up on me right now Plus Plus it's good for your body Because it develops heat shock proteins

That mimic what's like being in a sauna Is regular yoga fine Yeah it's good Okay we'll do that then Why don't you do hot yoga Why don't we do regular yoga Why don't you do hot yoga Because Why don't we do regular yoga? Why don't you do hot yoga? Because I don't want to be the guy in hot yoga. Ari did 15 of them in a month.

He doesn't even work out. He takes acid every day. Ari's a dosist. You going to trust a guy that doses people? Yeah, trust him well. He wouldn't dose me. He's my friend. So I'm going to say that to Bert the next time I say it. He dosed Bert because he's a fucking diabolical person. He dosed Bert because he felt he could get away with it. I'll do hot yoga. It was a lapse in judgment that he has since away with it. Mm-hmm. Okay, I'll do hot yoga.

It was a lapse in judgment that he has since apologized for. No, I know. I love him. I'm kidding. How about this? I'll do hot yoga if you come play basketball with me and Jamie. I would do that, but basketball's hard on the joints, man. All that side-to-side motion.

Come on. Come on, baby. Street basketball or in a court? What are we going to do? How would we play basketball with him? Because that'd be tough. Well, we'll do 21 or something. We'll do 21, yeah.

Or smoke him. I don't know how to play basketball. I'm terrible. I know, but that's fun. I don't know how to do yoga. I'll look like a clown doing that. Yoga's not a competition. It won't really be that competitive.

How well do you play? Do you play good? Well, yeah. Yeah? It'll be fun. Fun for you. This is the same yoga shit. I don't know.

I'm going to eat shit. How about we do this? How about we do jujitsu we do jiu jitsu first Okay And then we'll see if you can play yoga Okay that's fine Okay Yeah

That's fine I'll put you in a heel hook See if you can move around good That's fucking fine Let's do yoga then Okay I just I'll do the hot yoga

I can play 21 I mean I won't win You know what the problem is With yoga for me for real? Jamie can fucking sink some three-pointers. I don't even know if you know how good Jamie is. There's a video of Jamie doing jump shots, just swish, catches the ball, swish. Dude, dude, dude.

I know. No, really. I bet Jamie smokes you. Fifth in the city. I got all my money on young Jamie. Okay, good. How much? How much? You tell me

Put up that coin How about $1,000? Okay What are we doing? You guys can play horse I got $1,000 on him I can't wait to film it Jamie you in?

No You're getting smoked Then we'll do home run derby I can't wait to film it. Jamie, you in? No. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, he's in. You're getting smoked, dude. Okay. Then we'll do Home Run Derby. And I'm going to spend that $1,000. I'll take us all out to dinner. Okay.

Whatever's left, I'll give to the waiter. Okay, good. We're in. I'm in. All right. I can't wait. Should we film it? Yeah, we should.

Where do we do it, though? I don't know. Staples Center? We should make a basketball court next door. We could do it. We might have a little bit of space in here There's a couple of feet, right? There's plenty of room, man

I do want to do a pool show Jamie and I have been talking about this for how many years now? All of them that I've been around We've filmed a few times One time we filmed Fitzsimmons and I playing pool It was fun He's good at pool, right? Yeah, Fitzsimmons can play

Who's the best that you've played? Artie Lang Art. He's good at pool, right? Yeah, Fitzsimmons can play. Who's the best that you played? Artie Lang. Artie Lang can play. Yeah, he can? Yeah, he can play. He can play play. Yeah, he can.

He doesn't have, like, so some guys are good at pocketing balls, right? You know what I mean? Some guys are good at moving the ball around. I don't know any comedians that are really good at moving the ball around well that what that means is you have to have a stroke like meaning can you draw the ball full table length i know no comedians other than myself that can do that no comedians other than myself that have actually played in real tournaments you know and i don't play that good now but when i was playing a lot, I was like a B player. You know, B-level player.

Right. Like a legit B-level player. Like I've run four racks in a row of nine ball. Broken ran four racks in a row. I've run 70-plus balls playing straight pool. That's not like world-class, not professional level, but I'm like a legit, what they would call a shortstop. Yeah. Yeah.

And Artie's around that same level? No. No, he's a little lower than me. Lower than you. Yeah. But he'd play. Yeah. Yeah. Dom Herrera can play level? No. No, he's a little lower than me. Lower than you. Yeah, but he'd play. Don Marrera can play a little bit. Adam Ferrara can play. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He plays pretty good. Yeah. Why don't you do a pool show? I should do a pool show. And why not? Here's the thing. How do you make it entertaining?

I mean, it naturally will be. Maybe. You just talking shit Playing pool Having fun Yeah maybe We'd have to give people Wired mics And we'd have to Yeah I mean

It could be funny It could be fun It could be fun But I mean how many people Can play How many people Can legit I would have to bring

Here's one thing That I could do That would be fun Bring in pros And just get stomped That would be fun as shit Yeah To watch them do tricks on us,

to shit on you. And bring girl pros in and have them stomp me. Yeah. And, you know, What's that Asian woman? What's her name? The Black Widow?

Oh, Jeanette Lee. She's fucking awesome. She's very good. But she's not the best. No, she's not? By any stretch of the imagination. Oh, shit. No, she's really good,

but she's had some severe, also severe back problems. She had scoliosis, a bunch of back surgeries. But she's, you know, she's way better than me. Yeah. She's like, she's legit. could a pro be able to teach a comedian well enough to compete

against you and like in a short period of time it takes a long time i know i just was like could they help no it's like it's like golf it takes years it would take years like i could not play for a year like i could like you could take a person that doesn't know how to play, and they could play every day for a year, and I'll still crush them. It just... Why don't you want to play golf? Because I'm scared. It's such a specific, wonderful...

You would love golf. I know. That's why I don't want to play it. Yeah, you should. Dude, I have a real problem with games. I can't. Oh, he would fucking love golf. It's like it would be two rounds before every show.

You guys go anywhere, you'd be, like, running out of time. And I would fucking love golf. I feel like it would be two rounds before every show. You guys go anywhere, but like running out of time. And I would use him around. I would fucking love that. Yeah. Well, Ron White is the fucking king. He loves it. Look at his Instagram. It's always pictures of him.

I know. You know, two shows tonight. Right now I'm playing golf. Dude, it's right up your alley. The specifics, the technique. It's so right. I'm sure. It's like exactly what you like.

Not interested. It's one more thing on your plate That's all it is Too many things And it also takes a lot of time Golf takes time You want to play 18 holes Yeah but you That shit takes hours

No you would take You would just start with 9 Is what you would do though Okay how many hours is that day Two You can do it in under two If you walk it It takes long

You get in that cart You can play speed golf Dude you can knock out 9 holes In an hour and 25 minutes Really Yes Absolutely Especially if you don't suck too

I suck That's a problem No but But when you're Especially I don't want to learn I'm scared Dude I'm obsessed right now

With handguns Okay Yeah I'm obsessed right now With doing tactical ranges I'm obsessed Yeah I saw that Yeah but I gotta back off it

A little bit Because I wanted to go every day Yeah but Why is that bad? Because it's fucking crazy I'm crazy I can't You are crazy I can't throw gas on the fucking dry twigs And throw a match and run away

I can't Do you take something out when you add something in Or is it just piling and piling It'll get in the way of my writing It'll get in the way of whatever the fuck it is See I find when I play When I golf it's my favorite time to think Your head's clear.

You're in nature. There's nothing going on. Right. And you're trying to knock that ball. And the whole point of good golfers will tell you that your head should, you shouldn't be like having a million thoughts about, you should be kind of fluid and in the moment a little bit. So that's like the best play you can play. Sounds like hot yoga.

Fuck it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Hot yoga definitely takes an hour and a half. I'm going to do it. But if in the middle of it, I want to bail, I'm going do it Hot yoga definitely takes I'm gonna do it But if in the middle of it I wanna bail I'm gonna bail

You can't bail pussy It's not pussy It's just I don't want to sit in this hot Why does it have to be hot? Cause it's hard Makes it difficult Oh it's not difficult

Test your will It's more It feels annoying I don't like hot stuff I don't like hot rooms What about hot food? I like spicy food What about a hot coffee?

I like ice better This is that old theory Would you rather be cold all the time or hot all the time? I'd always rather be cold I'd be hot, take hot What would you take? Well it depends on how hot I don't want 120, I don't want Phoenix in the summer

Would you rather live in Alaska all year round or by the equator all year round? Would you rather live in Phoenix, Arizona Or Phoenix is great Yeah it is And in the Summertime You just find a place with AC

I lived there It was It's awful in the summer It's the 120 is too much It gets rough But The winter's amazing

Yeah it's beautiful But I'd rather be In winter a lot more Than in summer a lot more Do you crank a hotel room Up or down? Because that's a big difference Oh dude

My hotel stay When it goes You know like six Whatever can go down below Yeah I go to low As it can go So you're like We in cold

I want it freezing baby But look at you You're like cold climate person But I run hot White skin You run hot I run hot I'm mad

Oh you're mad all the time Always drunk Throw throwing up everywhere. Puking on the plane. That's what it was. I was blacked out. I was drinking that morning. I lied. I didn't go to bed.

Puking on a fucking plane. By the way, for those that know, puking on a plane is exactly as uncomfortable as you would fucking imagine it. Do you bring your own golf clubs on the road? Do you ever do that? A lot of times. If I'm going to a place I know I'm going to play golf That's when it gets crazy

No, why? Yeah, why? It's crazy If, or Or Or If it's a nice enough course I just will rent their clubs from them

Oh, they have good clubs A nice course always has a good set of clubs Yeah Shitty courses have But I'm not playing any I'm playing nice courses If I'm going to go and play somewhere That's a good move

Yeah That way you don't have to worry about it Well, dude FedEx does ship sticks and all this stuff They Shitty courses have, but I'm not playing any, I'm playing nice courses. If I'm going to go and play somewhere. That's a good move. Yeah. That way you don't have to worry about it. Well, dude, FedEx does ship sticks and all this stuff. What's ship sticks? There's places that take your clubs, they ship them for you, and they're there when you get there. That's a good move. It's awesome.

Yeah. You don't even have to think about it. That's a good move. Because when you get on a plane, it's a fucking massive pain in the ass to ship. Oh, lugging the shit around. No, no. Shipping them is way easier. You've got to check things, and you've got to wait. Fuck that. Because like when you get on a plane It's a fucking massive pain in the ass Oh lugging the shit around No no Shipping them is way easier You gotta check things And you gotta wait

Fuck that Baggage claim And hope they didn't fuck with your clubs But I get used to it Like when I For snowboards I have to bring my fucking snowboard everywhere Cause you don't wanna ship that

Oh yeah I rent skis I always rent skis See I don't like rental shit Cause it's been But I have my own boots But I rent skis Skis are skis yeah i guess i guess

but i suck anyway like i'm not a good skier you're not no is anybody in your family good yeah my kids are way better than me they're good huh yeah they're better than me my uh 11 year old she always wants to go to the fucking black diamonds that's awesome she's a little daredevil and you will go with her fuck that hell yeah i love that No I go rip She does jumps and shit Fuck that Well yeah she's 11 But at some point She'll quit that

She weighs 80 pounds I mean not even Probably 70 Yeah She flies She flies and lands But when you go skiing Do you stay on the easy hills?

Stay safe Stay safe Carve a nice and soft I don't like skiing I do it because they like it You don't like it? Nope Oh god it feels so fucking good

I love it Nope This is where I go Don't get? Nope Oh god it feels so fucking good I love it Nope This is where I go Don't get hurt Don't get hurt Don't get hurt Didn't get hurt The whole time

Don't get hurt Don't get hurt Look at this fucking asshole Jesus Christ He's cutting right in front of me Because some dick wads There's always like some LA douche Yeah

It's just a Just a little too cocky With his skiing And just a little too into it And probably on Adderall Just fucking whizzing his way down Yeah Yeah It is No it is Listen The more I Just a little too into it And probably on Adderall Just fucking whizzing his way down Yeah Yeah

It is No it is Listen The more I The older I get When I go to it The more scared I am Because of how fast people are going now

And how dumb people are They'll stop in the middle of the trail And fix their ski Like go off to the side dipshit Two What two seasons ago I had I almost lost it on this poor kid

I came over this hill and i you can't see on the other side and he was laying down because he had fallen and he was crying and i'm coming over this little lip and i'm panicking in the middle of the air you're gonna hit him oh my god i think i'm gonna kill him dude oh my snowboard is fucking imagine i think i'm gonna slice his face open and i and i'm moving my weight through the air as I'm falling and I eat shit. I mean, I eat shit and then I throw my shit off and I grab this kid by the jacket

and I like throw him off the middle of the hill. Probably like seven or eight. You know what I mean? You threw a seven or eight year old? Oh yeah, dude. Did you beat him up? Yeah, I kicked the shit out of him

you little fucking bitch. What'd you do? I put him in a fucking headlock. I said, you fucking bitch. Say Santino's the best. No, but I threw him off to the side. I was like, dude, you cannot be there. You're going to get hurt. Like, he could have gotten fucked. Well, he's seven. He doesn't know

any better, bro. I know, dude, but that's why I'm like, don't be on this side of the hill. But that's the problem. Kids go on tough runs and they don't know what they're doing. Yeah, that is a problem. You get hurt bad. I mean, he could have got skis and someone could have come over and just... Well, the thing is, like, no one... It's not like... Like, when you go on a blue or a green... No one tells you, hey, you're not ready for not like, like, when you go on a blue or a green,

no one tells you, hey, you're not ready for a green. Like, let me see your certificate. Yeah, you should have a license. I can do it. I can do it. And they just, I watched this lady eat shit. I could see it. I was like, oh, my God, she's not supposed to be in here. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Here's how you know. When you go to Colorado or you go to a resort and you see a guy on the gondola or going up to the top lift with jeans on, I'm always like, I'm going to follow this guy. Or he's awesome. He knows he's not going to crash. That's fucking rare. It's possible. Most of those guys know not to wear jeans.

Maybe. He's like, listen, I'm not fucking crashing. Let's go skiing with jeans. I don't crash. With jean jacket jeans. Yeah, jeans with a thong over the jeans. Yeah, let's do it i don't mind skiing but i don't like doing it too much it's just i know so many people that have torn

their acl broke it already broke his wrist one year and the year before that he broke his ankle he must be fucking bad i think he's reckless yeah he's reckless a wild person he wants to do he wants to push it all the way to the limit. He's probably on drugs too, let's be honest. Yes, I was just going to say. That's the other problem with hills is like now people are so fucked up now. People also get so drunk and go skiing. Yeah.

Like midday drinking up at the top of the mountain. And you know how much I like drinking? I don't do it. Yeah. Because I'm like, I'm not getting drunk and going down a fucking hill. And then what if I hurt someone and I'm drunk? Nah, I don't want to do it yeah but do you see people at those mid-hill mid-hill like getting lodged dude chugging beer

no one stops you nope no one stops you from that no one stops you from taking mushrooms my friend aubrey takes mushrooms before he skis that's crazy maybe he does better i'll take mushrooms after we ski back at the house maybe take a little bit and you'll be better. Maybe a tiny bit. I'll take a little hit. I'll get a little high, but I can't get... I don't want to get fucked up and feel like I'm not in control. When I play pool, high, I'm better. I'm like one ball better.

Yeah, do you think it's a performance enhancing drug? 100%. It is, huh? Yeah. So what do you think about its way in professional sports? Jiu-jitsu as well. It is for jiu-jitsu too. What about basketball and baseball?

I don't play basketball, but I would imagine it's similar to pool in that it's a feel thing. You're feeling where the ball goes. You have a certain sensitivity. So you think it should be illegal for professional sports? No. No. I don't think it should be illegal because it doesn't make you faster or stronger. I think those are the things that should make you illegal.

But I think you could be just as focused without it, but for certain people, it enhances your focus. It kind of gives you tunnel vision. So that's what I'm saying. That's the argument is they'd say that could be an advantage. I could see that it, I could see you would say that it's an advantage. It's a delicate. I feel like I am better at jujitsu when I'm high. I really do believe that. Like you perform better. Yes, I perform, I feel better better I feel like I'm more intuitive

I understand Positions better I understand where I'm going better You ever lift weights high? Yes I love it You know what's funny? I hate running high

Really? Like a lot of people Like to get high and run Love it No see I get I can lift weights high But running high

I don't It's not my favorite Really? Yeah Yoga Yoga high Oh my god Okay so that makes more sense.

It's the best. You feel like every fiber of your muscles. You feel things stretching. You feel where you're pushing too hard, like where things are starting to pop. Right. You feel it. Yeah.

Your balance feels good. The runner's high I get from running alone, I just feel like it's its own kind of wonderful little drug. Right. But lifting, because I'm such an ADD guy, that lifting is easily distract is easily distractible you know you're like there's so much to do in the gym and so many you're like what am i doing next man i feel it like when i'm doing chin-ups when i'm high it just feels no yeah i know i like it i like lifting high there it is just baked out of your fucking mind oh what's the one thing you won't do high oh commentate on the ufc have you done it before yes and you were high and it would

fight you i don't like it i don't like it did you eat shit no i didn't but i this is my worry i've never done it really high my worry is that i wouldn't want to talk about the fights i'd want to talk about other things it just turned into this it would just turn into a boring fight look it's first of all it would be extremely disrespectful if all these people who have dedicated months of their life and years of their life training and preparing and here they are in the usc and i barely paid attention to the fight right yeah i'm subject to not pay attention if i'm high i get that if i'm high i could pay attention to the fucking lighting i'd be like how weird is it this lighting thing is above our head it's like a thousand pounds i've never even thought about it yeah and it could fall in any minute on accident how many people have

died i'd be like how many people have died from lighting they'd be like joe there's a fight going on right now like i know i know but this fight's going on all the time dc is like thank you for the lighting tips joe we're gonna right back to the fight people would be angry at me yeah legitimately so it's a dick move. That's, like, certain people can be really baked on stage.

I can be a little high, but I can't get too high and get on stage. I don't like it. Like, I just feel like my performance lacks. It's really weird.

Writing, like, the other side of it is enjoyable high. Like, I love creating and writing and making high, but performing high,

not my favorite show. Tell you where it's the best to be super high. Huh. That stand-up-on-the-spot show, Jeremiah Walken's show. Oh, but performing high, not my favorite show. Tell you where it's the best to be super high. Huh? That stand up on the spot show, Jeremiah Walken show. Oh yeah, well,

yes. Blitzkrieg. Well, it's all improv, it's all right. complete improvisation, high as a kite. But that's because it's a,

it's almost like a win-win. That thing is like, even if you're not really coming up with like, Right. shit that you, it's still in the moment of fun. Yes.

All of it is in the mood of fun. yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are there for it. performing, fuck that. How about when you're doing really coming up with like right shit that you you're it's still in the moment of fun all of it is in the mood yeah yeah and when you're in the main room performing how about when you're doing a fucking arena no can't no way i mean we do we've gotten a little high before big shows but i can't i can't get i can't get ripped no if i'm ripped i'm not focused i i've gotten ripped like the most ripped i've ever gotten is before podcasts in the early days of podcasting we were talking about this the other day and i would be in the middle of talking not knowing what the fuck i was talking about yeah and i'd be like wait a minute that's not right what what am i saying what am i even saying there was so many podcasts that if i look back on these cringy moments of things that i said i was like i

was so high i barely knew what I was talking about. Is your number accurate for how many this is? Yes. Yeah, we're pretty close. Or were there numbers that got lost in the matrix? Things like podcasts on a plane that I don't think were in the number group. Are they numbered? It was probably like 15-ish that don't have numbers

and then the fight companions didn't get numbers. What's the number at? What are we at right now? This is 1371. Fucking wild. You know what you talked about that we never went through with? What? I don't know what city we were in,

but we talked about doing it from one of those cool fucking buses. Yes. Or that van or whatever it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sprinter van. Sprinter van, that's what they're called. Well, what we talked about,

and Jamie and I talked about this too, was getting a sprinter van and doing it up in the inside like a podcast studio and then taking it to gigs. So like say If you and I Did a gig in Irvine Right

We'd hire a driver Jamie would be in the back Working the fucking Controls and shit All microphones And cameras And we'd drive Down to Irvine

And it works so much better Now that the show's Not live anymore Right It would be easy to do Because you would just Compress it all Into a video file

And then upload it To YouTube I still think we should do that we could totally do what we should do though we should get like three or four comics to go do like a big thing in vegas yes and we take the drive to vegas and make us you know like do like a podcast from there to vegas it's like a four hour drive and we would do all four or five hours if everything goes great sure yeah sure but even still i think that's a great drive and then you can edit it And cut it down And then get to Vegas Show the show

And then whatever Yeah and we could do it safe too We could actually have seatbelts Yeah You know And we could actually have A podcast We could do it all legit

Well you can get those Sprinter vans man There's companies that design them They do whatever you want They deck them out right I mean they could even put A screen up like that Where Jamie can like

Throw to a screen And we can look at stuff But we would have to have Some kind of an internet connection While we're in there well don't they have those um you know those you can buy them yeah you can buy them right yeah it's dog shit are they yeah yeah the direct tv is good you can get real direct tv in those things but your internet really slow what do they think you can buy those from like a from the from the phone companies that the little tiny pods that you as you go you can get some cellular internet

connection and i think uh chuck uh our audio guy was telling us that um we can they can combine two or three cellular signals and up the bandwidth so maybe we could stream youtube on a television if you're in a place that has either your phone signal? You have separate ones. Yeah. You would get separate ones that are dedicated and you get, is that correct?

Yeah, there's companies that have it set up so you can have like a backpack for like people that they call IRL streamers that walk around and stream. Oh, right. That just switches back

to the most, what's going on? Something, the president's FBI. Just there listening, dude. But yeah, it'll just go to the, whatever antenna's working the best at the time you're there and it'll just like tether and it's back to work. But if it'll just go to the whatever antenna's

working the best at the time you're there and it'll just like tether yeah but if you're in a place that has nothing you have nothing

but if we you know drive to Vegas is pretty good most of the way I feel like Vegas is easy because it's so heavy traffic

you get cell phone most of the way oh yeah and like the 405 if you're heading down like if we had a gig in Irvine or something like that

you'd be able to. Or like a trip up north to San Francisco would be fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a long drive, though. I'd rather fly. Yeah, I guess that's true. Or let's take a private jet and do it on a jet.

Like Tommy Segura, he's taking private jets all over the place. He's hashtag balling. He's balling, dude. He is balling. He's selling out everywhere. Yeah, he's overseas. Everybody is. Likeing He's selling out everywhere Yeah he's overseas Everybody is Like it's amazing

Burt Kreischer's making Fucking crazy money now Yeah Looking thin Sexy Getting thin and sexy baby Yeah everybody's murdering it Oh speaking of which

You got a fucking theater tour I got a small theater tour Yeah the Red Rocket tour 2020 baby I've got some dates left Are you working tomorrow night? Um No

You wanna do the comedy store with me? Yep Two shows I'm there Woo See ya You heard it here bitches Baby I've got some dates left Are you working tomorrow night? Um No You wanna do the comedy store with me? Yep Two shows I'm there Woo See ya You heard it here bitches Yeah tomorrow

Brian Callen's doing it with us Oh okay nevermind I don't wanna do it with that Fucking piece of shit Hey he's a good guy Come on Come on Yeah I'm doing my first

Small theater tour man The Red Rocket 2020 tour Edmonton Denver Minneapolis Madison Bakersfield Detroit Atlanta

What are you doing? You doing the Fox Theater In Bakersfield? That place is the shit I don't know what I'm doing Bakersfield Detroit Atlanta What are you doing? You doing the Fox Theater In Bakersfield? That place is the shit I don't know what I'm doing Bakersfield is fucking great Yeah it's cool It's awesome

There's a theater up there In Bakersfield It's awesome Detroit Atlanta Chicago Cincinnati Cleveland

Portland Seattle Miami West Palm Beach And Phoenix Tickets now at AndrewSantino.com I'm around dude

I've got a couple of dates Left here that I'm doing The rest of the year November I've got some stuff That I'm doing now But yeah this They fucking I've got some stuff That I'm doing now But yeah They fucking The two people that I work with

Did this for me It's fucking incredible We'll put that up on Instagram After we get out of here Let's wrap this bitch up AndrewSantino.com For all your Santino needs

And pleasures My brother Fun times Thank you man Fun times this weekend too Yes it was fucking awesome It'll be better next time Because I won't be sober.

Yes. Sober October. Today we have three solid days left. Hang in there, you fucks. Bye-bye. So close. By the way, we didn't even fucking...