The Joe Rogan Experience - #1381 - Donnell Rawlings

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Donnell Rawlings is a stand up comedian, actor, and podcaster. He’s known best for his roles on Chappelle’s Show and The Wire. Look for his new podcast "The Donnell Rawlings Show" coming soon.

why is that i don't know it just feels when you it's when you say turn my shit up the engineers and the producers feel like oh shit this nigga just turned his shit up he's about to go in it gives you the impression that you're about to spit the hottest 16 of your life 16 what is 16 16 bars in a song like a like you don't know this. So nobody's ever come up to you and say, nobody's ever come up to you and say, let me get your 16, spit a hot 16. Nobody's ever said that to you? Never in my life have I heard that expression.

You need to change the places you hang out, son. For real, man. I mean, I'm not not trying I'm just saying Cause I'm pretty sure There are places You would've All the people All the black people you know

All the rappers And nobody Nobody's ever asked you to spit No No never I've never spit Have you ever practiced Never

Come on Joe Don't lie bro I'm not lying No bro You don't have I don't have any time You don't Is that time for black people

Or time for rap I'm just trying to figure out Time for me to rap I like listening But I've done zero Rapping myself So you like You like

You like I don't know People got little slick ways Of saying stuff man No I don't have any time To be rapping I limit my My

What I try to do Okay You don't have time for rap I don't have time to do it. I like listening. Okay, this is the point I'm making about spitting. If you listen to it, there's probably a song that you like. And there's never been a time in your life, you've been in the mirror, out of the shower, that it felt good to you.

And you tried to. Spitting is the same as repeating everything that the person said. Right. So not one song that you like, you've never tried to sing a verse or a hook from that song. I've definitely done that. But no one's ever asked me to spit. So if I ask you, what's your favorite rap song? Could you spit it?

Would you be able to spit it? I would have to think about it. My favorite? What would my favorite be? I like old school shit like i like a lot of like cool g rap oh i like old shit yeah so you take oh you're going back almost to sugar hill days you remember sugar hill for sure hip hop hippity you know that i'm spitting you're spitting but don't spit for nobody in public. Because you look too excited about it.

You're like, you hit me hard, hit me to the hip, hit me to the hip. But if you remember that song, you remember when that song first came out, and I know I'm dating myself, you literally could get pussy if you knew every word to Rap is Delight. I remember I was in junior high school, and people were playing it in the lunchroom. On a record player, not record players, but tape cassettes. Yeah, cassette. I remember thinking, wow, this is like a new kind of music it's a new kind of music not only the way you had to learn it like it wasn't like now you could skip through the timeline to

a song whatever you it was a cassette so it would play then you had to rewind it right back to that same spot and keep doing it you had to keep doing it until you learned all the words but cassette players were fairly recent back then so that was like when Sugar Hill came out was around the time cassette players were out where you could walk around

and play the music you didn't need a record player you didn't have a record player and what people would do with those boombox you would record your favorite music from the radio

from your boombox so you would have a nice little tape you have a nice tape and you think oh this shit is clear. Then you hear somebody say, Tisha, get the fuck off the stove. Because it was recording right in actual time. Remember, a lot of them had two decks.

So you could record other people's shit, too. Yeah, a lot of black people. And the white dudes in the suburbs had the double decks. The double deckers. Yeah, we had to sing. Double decks were nice because you could get a friend and he had a cassette and you could copy that cassette and you and then we would copy them we had go in dc that was really big with go-go music go you know what go-go music is go-go music it's like uh african funk uh uh jazz beat it like, it's a lot of

percussions. What's a good go-go music artist? Rare Essence, that's a band, Trouble Funk is a band, EU,

I'm old school, so these were the biggest bands back then. Then they had this band called the Junkyard Band. You know, Junkyard Band, the way they started

was they was really, they kind of like copied the Cosby, you know the Cosby show when he had that, the Backyard Band. They was on radiators and stuff. And these were guys who would just take buckets and cardboard and cowbells and woodblocks and just basically get a beat.

Sorry, did you ever listen to when the Brand New Heavies got together with a bunch of different rappers? No. It's a very interesting album. There's like, I think there's only one that they put out. But you could get it off of iTunes, I think. But like, Cool G Rap did one. A bunch of other guys did one. But they did, like, they rapped over like different kind of music.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. And did it get popular it was pretty popular back in the 90s i think what was it was it arrow smith and um run dmc run dmc yeah that was a big moment that was some crazy shit yeah i mean you knew for black me being a black person we knew rap was going to next level we was like this yo they fuck with the white boys now once you put that white boy vibe in there man it was like it was out and that was the first time that had ever been done one of the things that we talked about recently

i was saying like think about the the number the sheer number of white rappers who have actually made it it's a tiny it's a tiny tiny number like if you were a white rapper it was kid like if your kid was a white rapper and he's like dad i want to be a rapper you're like oh good first you got to get him yeah but you got to get him a lot of black friends first a lot of because they're gonna beat his ass down not physically but mentally mentally and that's the same thing the black community did with um m&m right right when m&m first came out every black person that appreciated rap or lyrics or flow knew he was good but they was just wasn't to give him a pass. It's like when you go in the military.

They treat the new green person, the Jeep person, they treat him like shit. And that's what they did with Eminem. And Eminem just kept coming with fire, kept coming with fire to the point where he's respected as one of the best to ever do it. By the way, happy Veterans Day. Thank you. I appreciate it. You are a veteran. I am. This is the funniest

veteran probably on the planet earth right across from i appreciate it i appreciate that um uh probably the reason why i got out of the military was my sense of humor really yeah i kept getting in trouble i kept getting in trouble i kept getting in trouble to the point where this was what i used to hear uh almost every mondayman, and I was in a position of attention, Airman Rollins, your blatant disregard for established military policy shows a lack of military burn and integrity. Wow. Every day.

That's what they do when they give you an LOR, a letter of reprimand, and it's like a thing that you put in your file. Eventually, they're going to stack all those things up and try to kick you out. But when I was in the military, I got out. I didn't get out dishonorably. The only way you can get out dishonorably is if it's like doing wartime or something like that. I got an honorable discharge. But I was that close to fucking my whole life up if I would have stayed.

Yeah. Yeah. They was going to kick me out. I just was on joke time all the time. I was on joke time all the time. I was on joke time. When I left, I was stationed in Kunsan, Korea. I left Kunsan, Korea, and I went to Bowling Air Force Base, Washington, D.C., and I'm from D.C., so they knew I was close to home. And every Monday, they would give me a random drug test, every Monday.

They were like, every Monday at 11 o'clock, I would get randomly tested for drugs. I always passed, but I knew that they thought something different in me, and I knew it was time. I did my four-year commitment, my four-year enlistment, and then I broke out. What was it like being in Korea? For me, when I went in, I went in the Air Force, I was 17. When you're underage, your parents have to sign, give you permission for you to go. Why'd you go in so early?

Because the way my birthday felt, fell some kind of way when I graduated from high school because I was only 17. And I didn't plan on, I wasn't going to go to college. I didn't really have a trade. And then for a lot of black people, that's the alternative. That's how you explore the world. It's probably for some black people the first time you ever got on the airplane first time you've been off your block so it was a good it was a good transition from going to high school not not doing anything but i was just i was a little

kid like when i went to kunsan korea like they didn't i didn't know that there was no drinking age over there when you're in the military over over in like a remote base, they give you rations for alcohol. You can get four cases of beer or one case of beer is equivalent to a fifth of liquor. So you can get four bottles of liquor or two bottles of liquor, two cases of beer. But when they told me, how do you want to separate your rations? I said, I'm too young to drink. There ain't no drinking age over here. First time I ever went to a liquor store

On base I ordered I got like four-fifths of tequila mix Wow And you were 17 I was 17 I got four Because I thought

I didn't know what the fuck Liquor was in I had four They was like You want to get any alcohol with this I was like Oh I'm sorry It was just the fucking

Fruit flavor shit That you Mix Add to it To mix it That's how young I was Now when When you When you get this ration of a case of beer a month a month oh it's a month yeah that's what it is so 24 beers a month you get yep but then people will hustle shit it'll be like this

time all right i'll give you a case of beer it was almost like being in jail i'll give you a case of beer for carton of cigarettes you know and then that didn't drink, they were selling rations. So it was a way, if you really had a problem, there was a way to get around it. I was scared of the military when I was a kid. Why?

Because I thought, well, first of all, I was thinking about joining because I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do. But you were thinking about joining to actually fight for your country or just...

No, there was no war right back then. Right. But there was, they had a Taekwondo team. You was going to join just to be on Taekwondo team? Yeah, yeah. Well, I needed to figure out a way to make a living while I was competing. Right. You know, when I was a kid, when I threw out high school and into my 20s, that's all I did was fight in Taekwondo tournaments.

It was my whole life. So it makes sense. There was a dude named Clay Barber. He was a national high high-level, highly-ranked guy. He was like two or three in the world, two or three in the country, and he was an Army guy. He had a job in the Army,

and he was on the Army taekwondo team. The Army had a team, and I remember thinking, oh, well, maybe that's the move. To join? Yeah. Especially if they knew you were nice because that's what they did with, I mean, that's the move. To join? Yeah. Especially if they knew you were nice, because that's what they did.

I mean, that was the case with some guys that couldn't pursue an NBA career. You know, if they knew you were, like, extra talented in a certain field, they would put you in just to, like, you wouldn't have to do the normal stuff. You would have just been traveling the world just beating the shit out of people. Yeah, well, you remember Ray Mercer? Yeah. Ray Mercer started in the Army. He did? Yeah, that's when he won a gold medal he i believe he was in the army just before that before he won the gold medal which heavyweight fighter joined the army after

he um was it riddick bow riddick bow joined the marines because he was trying to get some discipline man that was the dumbest he was struggling look, there's a reality about getting hit in the head. Right. And nobody wants to talk about it until it's too late most of the time. But to get hit into a branch of service. You start making bad decisions. And for him, he decided that he needed discipline because Riddick, he used to blow up. And he had a problem with discipline.

He had a problem with conditioning. When he'd get in condition, when he'd be disciplined, he was a motherfucker, like those Holyfield fights. But then he would have fights where he just came in and he was just not in quite good enough shape, and he would fall apart because of that. And I think he had decided the way to get real discipline was to join the Marines. That's interesting to me because I'm pretty sure when he joined, he wasn't probably a press for cash. I don't think it was a press for cash thing, man. I think he wanted discipline. He just wanted to figure out how to, maybe he felt like if they just whipped him into shape, he would get past that hump.

Because when you're a guy who's a multimillionaire and you're a world champion and you're still lazy, you're like, fuck, man, what do I have to do? Let a white man yell at you for like two miles black man you know a lot of black drill and stuff that would have been that would have been so fucking fucked up riddick bow is in your squadron or whatever and you yell at him and you know this one punch this motherfucker just kill your ass man i'm saying like it's always got to be something separate like this guy can yell at me so much but there's nothing he can do about it and riddick probably could have fucked up half the people that he was enlisted with a hundred percent of the people not even half did it change anything no he quit he got out quick they let him

go i mean he was only in for a short period of time yeah but like i said i think i think a lot of that has to do with just trauma brain trauma you make terrible decisions it's it's a big factor man it's a big factor and if you listen to riddick now he has a real hard time talking it's real rough to hear there's so many of those um boxers when they get out of the ring i think sugar ray linda out of all the ones that's still out like publicly and doing things he's probably the one that i i can listen to and you can understand don't seem like this his faculties are off too much not Not too much, but somewhat. He's definitely struggling. You could hear him. There's a pause to the way he talks that is noticeable.

Like, he can keep it together, and he can string together good sentences. But, I mean, you don't get over those wars that he had with Roberto Duran and Tommy Hearns and Marvin Hagler. That was the welterweight division, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. That division at that time was so fire. And then Sugar Ray, people fucking hated him so much because he was so pretty. Yeah.

He was so nice looking. You know what I'm saying? Beautiful. He was like, I just want to put a scar on this motherfucker's face. That's how Durant felt about him. Yeah. He'll beat your ass and take your girl in the same fucking fight, man. He was so good, too.

He was so fun to watch. He was so good. Yeah. But then he's like another one who stuck around too long. Hector Camacho stopped him, and Terry Norris stopped him, and later in his career, man, he was getting fucked up. It just was wrong. He shouldn't have been fighting.

It seems like when I look at boxing and stuff like that, and people can have an unblemished record, but I feel like they'll never quit until it's almost like you got to get knocked out the ring Or somebody have to give you the reason to quit Well Andre Ward did You know And I was just talking to him Real recently because

They offered him a rematch with Or a fight rather With Canelo Alvarez Because Canelo just knocked out Sergey Kovalev For the light heavyweight title And they said look This is a big super fight You know Andre Ward should come out of retirement

He's still in his prime He's only 35 years old He's like no thank you No thank you And they said, look, this is a big super fight. You know, Andre Ward should come out of retirement. He's still in his prime. He's only 35 years old. He's like, no, thank you. No, thank you. 100% undefeated, Olympic gold medalist, two-division world champion. He said, I'm good. I'm good.

I have money. No, he's like, I have money. I have a family. And this is his wise words. He said, I'm a better asset to boxing if I'm retired. I'm a better asset to boxing as an example of what's possible, that you can do all this and come out with 100% of your faculties intact. You talk to that guy, he's 100% there. And he's making money as a commentator and an analyst. He's got a great career.

He made money. He's good. He's like, I'm good. I don't want to lose my brain and and everybody's different ways to do the the interesting thing to me as vicious and notorious as mike tyson used to be and probably still is it's just something that makes me feel good knowing that this motherfucker is funny and i know this may sound crazy but he's like a lovable mike yes very low you know like lovable and high as a kite all day always well that would make that would make you lovable well that's what he said it makes him a

better person like we talked about he's like yeah he was like i think it makes me a better person it does man he's nice he's a nice guy to be around somebody just uh posted it came back that that interview when he was promoting his uh-man show, and he was sitting down on the couch with this black guy, and the black guy was trying to push him into a corner and say some crazy shit. Man, I had so much fucking respect for Mike Tyson for doing that, because people always use the excuse, I'm the media. Yes.

No, this is the question the people want to know. That's not the question the people want to know. That's the questions you want to know, and that's the shit you want to say to provoke somebody exactly to turn into a motherfucking beast well he didn't even want to promote him he wanted to make him make him feel bad yeah make him feel bad yeah and i'm and i'm pretty sure you don't go like you're pr person we're gonna go ahead we're trying to promote this right somebody put him up to it but when he just looked at him something like you're a piece of shit yeah and he realized he's like six feet away from one of the baddest motherfuckers that's ever lived.

I started shaking because I was like, where is the tape of what happened fucking afterwards? Well, listen, that is what it is. That guy was a piece of shit. Yeah, that was nasty. He tried to fuck with him on TV, corner him, and have a gotcha moment. And then he tried to flip it and go back to it. And Mike was like, no, I'm already pissed. No, no, no, no.

You are a piece of shit. Shout out to Mike Tyson for identifying the piece of shit and distinguishing the shit. Imagine being him and sitting across from that guy. And the guy's all friendly with you up until that moment. And then when the lights are on, the camera's going, and then he pulls that shit shit on you a lot of people don't know what to do there he knew what to do he went real on him i mean he probably probably felt that it could come up but like maybe even like yo you're a brother don't do it to me you know yeah what was he what was he promoting back then that was promoting the one-man show it was a one-man show yeah undisputed what was it

undisputed yeah yeah and that was a good show i watched it on i think it was hbo showtime well i watched the documentary the documentary is incredible documentary is incredible yeah but it's just so good to know that like from having as much fame and fortune as he had and basically to start over and reinvent yourself and i mean i guess he's going to be this generation's how George Foreman was. Yeah, in a lot of ways, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, George Foreman reinvented himself

while he was fucking people up, though. Yeah. George Foreman came back a preacher. I remember when he came back, he was 36 years old. He had a big belly. He was huge. He was like 300 pounds.

And people thought it was a joke. They're like, this comeback's a joke. Meanwhile, he kept losing weight Kept beating people up Kept losing weight And then when he fucked up Jerry Cooney Everybody was like Hey wait a minute

What the fuck happened Wait a minute He's legit But he still looked like A fucking regular dude Nah not quite I mean he never He was round

He had like a A barrel chest But he had these Giant fucking arms And that dude has Canned hams for fists he has some of the biggest fists you've ever seen axes and shit oh he does he did swing axes and all of his kids name of george even his daughter he called his daughter like georgina yeah he did

good he did really good who doesn't have a goddamn george foreman grill that's a great grill yep when you're like a single guy and you need to cook something quick college cooks military bottom chicken cutlets and you get grill marks women are impressed no matter if you fucking live in a 100 square foot dorm room if you got grill marks oh i see you're a fancy motherfucker you got grill marks this motherfucker is gourmet gourmet grill marks yeah it's a good way to cook. It's easy. It's easy too and it's clean. Do you do elk? George Foreman Grill?

That's like sacrilege. Really? Yeah. I really was expecting just a slice of some elk. Dude, you got to come over.

Come over and I'll cook some at my house. I want to do it. I would be happy to cook for you. I know you're a good cook too. No,

that's not what you know because you talked shit to me one time. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, you did. I was told you're a good cook too no don't that's not what you know because you talked shit to me no no no no no i was told you're a good cook i didn't talk shit no yes you did joe what did i say i said i said uh i want a piece of elk i think this is what i said you said well you know for a new guy this is the best way to do it for your first time and if you knew to cook and you said some shit like that well if you knew to cook in wild game it's different it's there's no fat in it. It dries out really quick. You got to cook it low and slow.

You can't cook it like you cook a beefsteak. I can cook it the way I want to cook it. I'm sure you could. Yeah. I know you can cook now. I mean, the way you do it. You got very offended, though. I did get offended.

I was saying that you haven't cooked elk before. I wasn't saying you never cooked before. I have no knowledge of whether or not you know how to cook. All right, so give me a piece of elk. I got 100 pieces back there. You tell me. I got everything for not you know how to give me a piece of elk i got a hundred pieces back there you tell me i got everything for you all right give me a piece of elk and i'm gonna do my elk magic to it and i'm gonna let you know that's without you telling me how you got to cook it slow okay and if i want to do that i could use i could do it the uh what is that thing the ceviche what is that um oh yeah yeah sous vide the sous vide that fly shit oh that's

that's a great way to see now i'm on a different level right yeah. Sous vide. The sous vide. That fly shit. Oh, that's a great way to cook. See? Now I'm on a different level, right? Yeah. Oh, I do that. I do sous vide. I love it. It feels like you're doing some type of science project. I know, right? You know, you got to have the temperature right, make sure the app is right.

And then you see this big-ass bucket of water, and then you keep putting your finger in it. Like, it don't feel like it's hot enough to cook this shit. And the weird thing is you're cooking in a plastic bag. That feels fucked up, too. Yeah, it almost feels like you're like a dope dealer doing that shit a little bit you got to have a food processor not a food processor but you have a vacuum sealer a food saver and you got to have a thermometer and you got to do it take time but it's kind of fun oh it's great you know you can cook a steak for like five hours at 130 degrees god damn that thing will

just melt in your mouth it's good for eggs too it's good for everything sous vide is great i love it but you got to be in that sous vide mode because after a while you're like man fuck this man do you blow torch the outside how do you finish it what i need to take a seat do you braise it in like a on a skillet yeah yeah because you still got to get that crisp but the texture of and everything's good and i would think that would be something really really good for like for wild game. Oh, 100%. 100%. So we're on the same page.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people use it. Have you ever cooked any wild game before? No. No? Wild pig is great that way too, sous vide or barbecue. So what's the big difference? What's the noticeable difference, the taste of it or the texture of it?

Everything. The taste, the texture. It's a firmer meat. It's the texture. It's like an athlete I mean you're eating like A fucking thing That can run up hills It's just so different than a cow

Cows are just sitting around eating They don't use those muscles very much And so that's why it's all mushy And tender It's more tough But it's not too tough Especially like I'll give you good cuts

Like a tri-tip is nice You know Or a back strap is the best So it would be good For roasting too That's what I think I'm going to do Oh yeah I got some roast back there

Yeah I roasted it like 250 degrees Then I sear it on the outside After it's done See you got to keep telling me Your process bro You can do whatever you want I want to do my process

I'm just telling you what I do Alright I might take It's not a competition man It's always It's always good That's the most competitive People always The most competitive All right, I might take some. It's not a competition, man. It's always gone. It's always gone. That's the most competitive people always say. The most competitive people always say, yo, yo.

That's so true. Dude, I'm not in a competition with you. That's so true. But I've been training for eight months to not be in a competition with you. Yeah, that's true. Everything is competition. Healthy competition, then you got fucked up competition. That's right.

There's two guns. Yeah. Yeah. But you know who was a really good cook ralphie may that motherfucker could cook yeah but he went through a stomach stapling operation and he couldn't eat meat for a while i think he just blew through the staples after a while he just gave up but uh he did he did he did a couple times a couple times he blew through the staples. Yeah, they had to redo it. Damn. Yeah, Ralphie liked to eat. I wonder what sandwich he was eating to make you.

That's a subway footlong. I know. After you get past the eight inches, you blew past the staples at 12 inches. Like whenever a famous person dies from coke, they're like, oh, this is the coke that killed that dude. Who's that dude who played for the Celtics? Who's that dude who played for the Celtics? Who's the dude who played for the Celtics who died of a heart attack? Lenny Bias? Yes.

Yes. I remember everybody was like, this is the shit that killed Len Bias. People wanted to sell it to you. They was calling shit the Bias. Yes. Yes. That was such a tragic story because I'm from the D.C. area. You know, he was like a local guy. And then especially like when somebody, especially in the black community,

if you've got generations and generations of projects and welfare and everything, if one person busts through, it's like a whole bunch of motherfuckers. And it's unfortunate sometimes because that's kind of the downfall for a lot of people, finances. But you feel like I got the whole family. And everybody gets excited. And for him not even to ever play a game, that's just awful, man. Well, there's so many people dropping dead now from fentanyl. You know, so many, like Prince. That's a white person drug.

No, it's not. Prince died of it. Oh, so that's one of those doctors prescribed. Yeah, well. So it's a white person's drug. It's pain medication. Right. Like Prince had hip issues from all the dancing.

But, you know, Tom Petty died from it. A lot of people. I think David Bowie died from it. Didn't he die from it too? Did David Bowie die from fentanyl? It kills a shitload of people. A lot of times they get it in something else and they don't know. They get it in Molly or they get it in Coke.

Like Artie Lang was telling me that he accidentally had it in Coke and he didn't even know it until he took Suboxone and he was sick for like a week. Right. Yeah. I don't really know too much about those. Everybody had cancer. He had cancer? Yeah.

Oh, why did I think he had a... He definitely didn't die from a drug? It says he died peacefully after an an 18 month battle with cancer Oh wow Okay Maybe I'm confusing him with somebody else Must be George Michael maybe Maybe that's it

But that doesn't make any sense Yeah Yeah I don't know too much about fentanyls And Oxycontins And all that type of shit Yeah That's like soccer mom drugs Well those are painkillers.

It's like a lot of times it's the people start off, they get a back injury. You know, you get hurt on the job or go lifting weights or something like that. You pull your back out and you're like, ah, the doctor hooks you up with some oxycontin and you can't get off that shit. The only time I did, I did it on, I had surgery on my knee. I tore my patella trying to dunk dunk on an eight-foot basketball rim, trying to impress some kids. And I was like, oh, man, I'm not taking no painkillers.

Fuck that. I'll just have a wooden spoon in my mouth. I'm going to man up. Man, I laid down that first fucking night, and that fucking blood started hitting that wound. I was screaming for that Oxycontin. I took that shit. I was blanked.

I could finally realize the lyrics in most of these trap songs when i was high off that shit so i'm like this is what designer was saying all this time i got room in the panda panda panda i really i was like this shit's crazy i can't see how people i mean i can't see because i've never been addicted to anything like that but it's just weird to to see people that want to be in that state of mind all the time yeah i think it's a lot of a lot of the people were sexually abused or physically abused and they just there's a thing about heroin they say i've never tried it but i've done morphine when i was uh when i had knee surgery they gave me a drip while i was in the hospital a little button you press anytime you want you get you hit it and i was like so it's instant as soon as you hit it bang it'll give you a little drip of morphine

anytime you want it bang bang bang bang bang you could hit it damn but i think for a lot of people that get addicted to it at least it hasn't been explained to me there a lot of them are suffering from physical abuse sexual abuse and there's a thing about morphine or heroin that gives you like a womb feeling like you're protected you, you're safe, everything's okay. It's like a hug. That's what they say. Well, they say heroin is supposed to make you feel like that. Yeah, like a hug, like the world's hugging you.

I played a heroin addict on HBO's The Corner years ago. Oh, yeah? And I was trying to figure out, like, how do I get my mind set to be high? Right. And I was like, what could they, because you see those heroin addicts. They lean and they nod and they come back up. I'm like, what could they possibly be thinking about

to take them into this world? And the way I relate to it, I was like, they're probably thinking about, it takes them to a place when they were feeling younger. It just takes them away from the real real world and just feel like like zombie state just floating you know yeah just floating like that umbilical cord fluid embryonic fluid just in the womb just with no with no with no thought but that's a tragic it is tragic well sometimes people just feel so overwhelmed by life, you know, so overwhelmed by pressure and stress and bills and relationships and jobs and this and that.

And this is needed escape. Everybody needs escape. Everybody has problems. You people, the biggest thing now people talking about, like the biggest thing in the news everywhere is mental illness. Yeah. Mental health is real. It's real. It's been there forever.

But people just cope with it different. it's real it's been there forever but people just cope with it different you know like i know in my community they say black people especially like don't address mental issues you know i'm saying it's like a black person they have a problem either well i just need i need a shot of ass you know i mean i need i need some henny so i need to smoke a joint i need to do a line or something you know right but everybody has mental issues but how do we cope with it? People have different coping mechanisms. There's no way you're going to get through this life without some mental struggle. There's no way.

No way. It's not possible because if you just sit around and do nothing, you'll be filled with angst. It can't do that just because of the world. There's just so much shit going on. There's too much shit going on. Everybody's got struggles. There's no way around it. No way around it.

Yeah. And the person that don't have struggles, them motherfuckers are probably That close to being suicidal You know what I'm saying People that died Are the ones that go first I think a strong community Is important You know

Like having a lot of people Around you that you love You know Family Friends Like that's important too People that you can talk to Like when you feel loved

I think one of the real problems With people that That Just It doesn't feel fixable is when they feel alone. They feel alienated. Like them by themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They don't feel like they're in a group. They don't feel like they're in a community. They just feel like nobody gives a fuck about them whether they live or die. And that's one of the saddest feelings I think you could have. How could you make somebody feel like that? That's just awful to make somebody. But then those same people probably don't have that one person that they can confide in that one person that's not going to bullshit them the one person doesn't want anything right but that's listen yeah if you don't have anyone

in your life you don't have anybody that's telling you the truth or lying you know and there's a lot of people out there that are real lonely that only exist on the internet you know internet is the the internet is the most fabricated lonely place in the world and it's so it's it's interesting because it's like like especially what we do is like you feel like you need it but then after a while this shit is just so fucking overwhelming yeah and it's so easy for a person to carve out the perfect life people to tell you like oh my god i thought you was having so much fun on vacation this and that you know how fucking many takes it takes to get that perfect picture to show everybody that your life is the fucking bomb yeah it's just a not it's not an accurate representative of anybody's life and it's

everywhere and that's where everybody wants to show their lives. I said, you tell an average chick, right? I won't say on the street, but just an average woman. If you tell them that I want to take you on a vacation, anywhere in the world you want to go, but you can't bring a phone. You know what half of the motherfuckers will say? Let me think about that. bring a phone you know what half of the motherfuckers would say uh let me think about that because nobody wants to have a memory and share memory just from the memory they have right it's like they wanted to get validated want people to get the thumbs up and everything and nobody you

even you with the show your shows whatever it's so weird like when i first started doing those shows where they lock your phones up i was like the first comic going on stage. And the first comic going on stage in front of a room with everybody's phones locked up, they get in the heat. Because people are like, what the fuck, man? I've seen people trying to bite them shits open. I've seen people cut them motherfuckers open. I've seen motherfuckers answer, answer, try to answer the phone. Through the paper? phone the paper and it feels weird

at the beginning but then after a while he gets to a point where it feels kind of cool it's like you feel like you're in the moment you're connected you're connected who fuck wants to watch the show how can you enjoy a show like this yeah well there's a lot of people doing that too you know why i realized it when i went to comedy works in denver they were the first place i ever went to that locked up phones now the improv does it they do it every show yeah it's the way to do it man you know i wish people would just put their phones away but they don't want to they want to everything everything has to be recorded and everything you gotta always show people what you're doing every second well they want to see a picture look i got a picture it's donnell look he's second. Well, they want to see a picture. Look, I got a picture.

It's Don L. Look, he's on stage right now. I want to see somebody with an Instagram that looks at your fucked up life. See how many likes you get for your life being fucked up. Holding your socks. And you show it to everything. Right out of gas. All type of shit.

Bologna and cheese sandwiches for dinner and shit. The real shit. On the carpet again. Fuck. Not the fucking fucking oh my god best life yacht life living my best life yeah but it's it's that thrill of you know showing everybody that you're killing it you know yeah like that's why a lot of people try to do well they try to do well to show people they're doing well oh yeah everything's for the gram

very weird man but then it's like you and but then on the other side of it you want people to see you doing good things because people want people want to follow your momentum yeah and people want to ride with your journey you know what i mean see and it's not too many others like you you probably it's not too many people that like like can live a social media free life and still make money doing entertainment real hard Dave does it yeah he's one of the only people that I know that does but he's so intelligent about that kind of shit he doesn't engage in that he doesn't engage in other people's opinions of him he's like he used my phone does he yeah he don't use his phone dirty his phone there anything social media whatever he wanted to see

through my phone and shit. He checks it out through you. That's hilarious. And the motherfucker's addicted to Worldstar. Is he? That's hilarious. Yo, we be on the road, man. We be on the road.

And all you see is this motherfucker. And it's always some shit. Somebody getting ran over by a car or some shit. It's like, oh, goddamn, Worldstar. He's on Worldstar hard as shit. Oh, that's hilarious. But anything that's dealing with pop culture and stuff like that, I'm usually like, the guy just brings them into it.

Does he just keep no apps on his phone? I don't think he has a app. Good for him, man. Yeah. Good for him. I lost a phone the other day, man. And I was saying to myself, I was freaking out. Because you know if you lose a fucking phone, the minute you do the pocket the pocket check you do like all four pockets and the first thing you say is

fuck right and if you're the worst thing is a person that's going when you're going out with a group of people and a person lose the phone just ruined the whole fucking night yeah because then you got to go fucking search for it all right be quiet be quiet call my phone right call my phone could y'all be quiet could y'all be quiet? Could y'all call my phone? Could y'all call? And I told myself, I was like, fuck. Because I got the iCloud and shit now, so it's not as fucking tragic as it used to be. Like, if you lose your phone, you're losing pictures of your kid being born and all this stuff.

And I lost the phone, and I was like, fuck. I just lost one like four months ago. I lost the fucking phone. I was like, you know what, Donnie? You can't let your phone fucking regulate your life like that you're a person beyond that phone I went to sleep right and I it was so peaceful

and I woke up and the first thing I wanted to know was what time it was right and I didn't even think to look at a watch or anything I was like where the fuck is my phone and I went right back and got a phone I did 10 hours without a phone I was about to go crazy i was like how do people fucking do this how do you find out directions ari shafir went without a phone for four months for it was a reality show no he just yeah it was his own reality show he just decided to go to asia he traveled all around

asia went to like he went to vietnam yeah but he was already loaded. Yeah, he had money. Yeah, you don't just... You just don't have a minimum wage job and just leave your phone for four months. No, you kind of can't now. But what's crazy is this is a real recent thing. Smartphones are only since 2000 and what, Jamie? 2007 was the iPhone? I think so, right? Because iPhone X is 10 years. That was two years ago. So 2007 was the iPhone? I think so, right? Because iPhone X is 10 years.

That was two years ago. So 2007 was the iPhone. Before that, it was like flip phones, and not everybody had them. And then 10 years before that, nobody had them. 1997, nobody had them. It was a way for everybody, because we look at it as a phone, but nobody uses it for the phone feature. No.

Unless you're old like only people leave voice messages of people over 45 joey diaz calls you that's one thing he's over he likes to call but he likes to talk he goes i'm insecure he goes i want to know what the fuck your voice sounds like because i want to call you i want to hear i want to hear your heart yo i don't know what the fuck's going on he knows somebody might hack your shit but joey diaz is probably the only person that leaves voice messages when they're talking on the phone. I don't think he leaves voicemail.

He'll leave me a text message. Call me back, cocksucker. That's what it says. I'll call him back. The other night we were at the store. It's so funny. You know how you get in your little zone at the comedy store.

It's like, who's next, right? Right. It was so funny because I was up next, and they was like, who's next? It was like Donnell and Joey funny because Joy, I was up next, and Joy was like, who's next? It was like Donnell and Joy. It was like, oh, shit, this motherfucker's funny as shit. He's got a special coming out on Netflix, Degenerates. He's a funny motherfucker.

I love him. He's a good fucking friend of mine. Give it up for Rondell Darlings, right? That's just Joey D.O. Yo, yo, yo, I was like, that was the most clever way to call me the N word I've ever heard man I like

And then And it was so funny And I know he didn't do it on purpose It just happens Joey Diaz fucked Everybody's name up Everybody It's half of his charm

And then he Then the next day He DM'd him He said yo D I'm sorry No disrespect about that I was like man This shit was funny

He gave me a funny joke And I was fucking Antoine Fanoir What's the dude's name? Who? Fanwar Anwar. Anwar? Fahim.

Fahim Anwar. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I told Joey. I said, I've been fucking his name up for a year and a half. So we're even, bro. I can't say Fahim Namwar or whatever for nothing. He calls UFC lightweight champion Khabib Nurmagomedov, he calls him Kalabeeb. That sounds close.

He calls him Kalabeeb. That's close But he reversed All my shit He fucks everybody's name up Rondell Darlings What other names Does he fuck up He fucks everybody's name up

Steep Oak Steep Yeah Steopic He calls Steep Steopic You gotta love it And then this is after

He just fucking Dismantled the room Always Now like I mean how the fuck I'm gonna get into my next joke Thank you I can just

Segway that Right into my shit. Joey's a national treasure. There's nobody like that guy. There's nobody like him, and there'll never be anybody like him again. You got certain people that, you know, and I'm not wishing bad anything on Joe, but that just live forever. You know what I mean? You'll hear stories for them forever.

And then you'll have stories, especially, this is what I respect, you know, as long as, you have people that have been doing comedy for years and years, right? But a lot of them don't stay sharp. Right. You know what I'm saying?

They don't do spots. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? The only time they come out is like, okay, I talked to my accountant, it's time to go out and make a couple million and get it, but they're not out there. And that's one of the things

that I really respect about him is that you see somebody that's been ripping not like a year their whole career and still you could feel the passion you know i'm saying yes you could feel you know you know comics are going and i call them money comics yeah as soon as they go on they look at it they watch okay i get the light at 40 give me a quicker light let me get my money to get out of here yeah then you can tell people that really still enjoy the engagement of the audience the response they get and they they enjoy getting better yes they enjoy ripping the stage up for the next person to have to rip the stage up they really enjoy the the the skill set and what it takes to be a great stand and that. And Joey is one of the people that, you know how some people, you can just watch them.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Even if you know something you heard is going to come on, it's going to be something, some nuance that they do to make it different from the last time. Well, what Joey does, too, is he gets in the pit. He gets in there with, you know, 15 comics on a Tuesday night. That's big, man. Those spots are big when it's you doing 15, another dude 15.

And no one's there to see you. They're there to see the whole show. Right. And you're there working with guys like you, guys like Chris D'Elia, guys, whoever, that's just jammed up with talented comics. But that's what makes motherfuckers funny. Yes, yes. But that's what makes motherfuckers funny. Yes, yes. Motherfuckers, you see a group of whack comics, like birds of a feather flock together.

You know what I'm saying? You only learn it if you're around a whack comic all the time. You never test it. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Do you ever see those nights when everybody is bombing? Yes. Everybody's bombing.

It's so bad. Their motherfuckers have have a bomb material ready they just need to get into the bomb yeah you know they just need one all they need is one like oh they've been oh here's my bomb then my mom bomb jokes but they don't motherfuckers don't go hard right they don't go hard anymore man but in some spots like that in the spots the comedy store motherfuckers go hard. Some people don't. Some people also, they get to a certain point where they have an audience, and then they just work for that audience. And they know that people are going to come see them because the people like them. And so they don't do any workout sets.

They only do sets when they're on the road. That's why I do, when I go, whenever I go, like I came up through the Chitlin Circuit. Whenever I'm in Brooklyn and I slide through Philly, you know, on the Black County Circuit, everybody has these rooms, you know what I'm saying? And as much as we get big where people say they don't do it anymore, I like to do them because it just really knows, I really know the climate

and I know what I'm working with. I love doing the rooms. The rooms like that, they challenge you because it's taking you out like you say your comfort zone yeah you know i've been uh blessed enough lately to when i go do my comedy shows and people buy a ticket for me it's usually some good people but every once in a while i want to go in a trend i want to go in the hoodest spot ever and see if i still got it yeah you know that expression don't forget what got you to the dance yeah yeah i mean that's it it's forget what got you to the dance? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that's it. It's like what made you a great comic in the first place is being tested like that. Defining moments. Motherfuckers do not want to deal with a defining moment. Motherfuckers don't want to deal with that moment where you did 45 minutes, you gassed out,

and you get that stretch sign. They say stretch, we don't have to checks up, whatever, we need you to do another 15 minutes. That tests your skill. A defining moment when you're working at, what is that dome we did? Tacoma Dome. Tacoma Dome.

And motherfucking Joe Rogan just comes and just bazooka torches the whole motherfucking arena and shit. I've never said, I don't know if I've ever shared that story, but that fucking day was so dope for me when we did that. Because that fucking place was fire. And I know that was your crowd, your energy, like, Joe, Joe, Joe. And just to be in that room, I remember when you was on stage and I was kind of getting my head together. I was like, yeah, I'm going to get my shit ready. And you got to laugh, right? It was like a, ah!

And I was like, oh, shit, I'm about to go on. I thought it was like you saying goodnight. And it was a segue into another joke. I immediately smoked a cigarette. A whole cigarette. And I was like, oh, you better do some push-ups, motherfucker. This shit ain't going to be easy, sir. But that was a great moment, man.

It was a great moment. It was a good time. It was a lot of fun, man. It was a lecture. I'd never been. It felt like I was at fucking one of them UFC fights and shit, man. It was so many people. There was 25,000 people in that place.

And Dave was about to go on stage, and he looked at me, and he goes, not a whole lot of motherfuckers get to do shit like this. Not at all, bro. Just the way that whole night went. And we were right behind him. Like, the night was just, like, it's something when you say, okay, it's a level. Then it's another level. Then it's another level. Then it's another level.

And then when he came out, man, it felt like we was walking Tyson into the ring. Yeah. That song, if you know, you know that Pusha T song. And it was just like, that night was like, I mean, pandemonium, bro. Yeah, it was amazing. And those nights, the funny thing about it, people see that, and they see you in front of 24,000, 25,000 people. But what people don't understand is all those nights stacked up of doing 15 minutes here, working out, shit.

Because people see you do these arenas, these amphitheaters. They don't know that you in the trenches. Always. You know what I'm saying? Always. Never stopped. I'm like, damn, don't this nigga got enough money right now? I was like, wait a minute.

I hate bombing. It's not about the money. Wait a minute. I hate bombing. It's not about the money. And it's all about, it's just something very addictive about constantly training to be prepared for anything and to be better. My ladies sometimes are like, you going out tonight? I don't know if women understand. They call it going out.

Right. I don't call it. I'm like, no, I'm going to work out. I'm like, no, I'm going to work out. And even if it's a set I'm working on and I do the same thing, it's just something that's just such a rush about going on stage. Even if you find something small, a small tag, because a joke never ends. You just stop telling it.

It never ends. It stops telling. Some people are like, yo, where'd you get that from? Because, you know, the comedians' mindset, people are like, people like write that down write that down we don't always write it down just thinking about how dope we would be if we wrote everything down but it goes to a hard drive it goes to a hard drive and you might have thought of something funny like this year then next year you might have never talked about it then next year something to happen and then it'll come up from that hard job and boom you got a banging-ass fucking bit. Yeah, you never know.

And if you don't go on stage, that won't blossom. You got to water those seeds. I was in fucking Pleasanton, Pleasanton, California, over the weekend at the Tommy T's. And this is a young guy. He's a fan of yours. He wants to do comedy. And I know his mom. About four years, I put him on stage.

And he didn't really do well the first time he went on stage. Right? And then, I appreciate that. And then, like, he tells me he wants to do comedy, right? Tell me you want to do comedy. I was like, okay. Do a guest spot. Wow.

He said, up-a-da, up-a-da, up-a-da. I call it the That's how you test a motherfucker They be like yeah I wanna do this And I've been writing I've been working on my material And everything Okay go on

No I gotta wait Because I gotta No motherfucker You don't gotta wait And I told him I like to get a lot I said I'm a comedian Don't talk to me about comedy

No fucking more Right Because that's the opportunity Go do it Go do it. Go do it right now. Yeah. And then he still was uppity uppity. And I told him, I was like, maybe this is not for you.

He said, well, you know what? Maybe I needed this talk. I was like, you don't need to talk for me, motherfucker. You need to talk with yourself. Either you're going to do it or you're not going to do it. He'd never been on stage before, ever? No, he'd been on before. And he plays around with it every once in a while.

Oh. But it was a filled room. You i'm saying yeah and it just you know i just don't know how things something could be that intimidating i don't know how you could want to be a comic you want to be a comic but you don't want to do the most important thing a comic has to do and go on stage it's scary for people especially if it's a packed crowd They know they're there to see you So they're there to see the pro And they know their material's kinda whack They know it sucks

Yeah but you still You should try it I mean how much time was you gonna do? Five minutes? Five Yeah that's nothing Just go up there and do it Oh god

Hold on You take That's a Kevin Smith weed Oh that's my dog Hold on. You take it. That's a Kevin Smith weed. That's my dog. That's from the movie Jay and Silent Bob? Yeah, that's his Jay and Silent Bob weed. With the cartoon on the inside of it? Yeah.

I had that. I went to the premiere. I was in that film. I went to the fucking premiere. I know exactly. I love that dude. Yeah, he's so dope he's a great guy he is the best man he's the i worked with him on something a couple years ago

and he said he was a fan of mine and he keeps fucking calling me for projects but he's so fucking cool when we were doing because people have been um when we did this show called holly weed right we played uh we were we owned a dispensary in Hollywood. It was a funny-ass pilot, and it was part of this rivet TV. They had this process where a lot of, you know, people do pilots that never get greenlit. They play the pilot, and then you pledge, if you want to get the pilot, the green light. The company fell apart. The fucking, the show did well.

We got Snoop Dogg retweeted it. People were enjoying it. And it just stopped. We just stopped it. But he was so fucking cool. And we did Hollywood. When he sat down and talked to me, he said, Donnell, I'm at a point in my life, i'm at a stage in my life where i'm not going to do anything unless it's fun and it's what i want to do yeah and that joint was supposed to be we didn't get a pop it was it was a good time man and he

and he threw me up in um jay and solid bob reboot did you know him pre-weed i knew of him pre-weed i met him pre-weed uh and then uh the second or third time we hung out he started smoking weed really i was like what's going on what but was that after he had the heart attack no no no no way before he just went hard with weed like out of nowhere he was like no weed and then all weed yeah but creative people can get oh and i know his strand is like a hybrid sativa strand yeah but it was just interesting to know him before when he wasn't smoking and then i mean he's just he's all day high i'm good just put it in there he's all day high yeah he's one of those dudes he's one of those like wiz khalifa type dudes

those uh it didn't just just start pounding out writing shit yeah i used to go to his fucking Yeah. He's one of those dudes. He's one of those like Wiz Khalifa type dudes. It didn't just start pounding out writing shit. Yeah. I used to go to his fucking crib. When we were working on Hollywood, we got up to three other scripts, and I would just go up there and just chill. And I'm like, I can't believe I'm chilling with Kevin Smith, smoking a joint, and we're just talking, and the motherfucking, and the goddamn keyboard is just going crazy. Yeah. Yeah, he's a genuine person. very good person yep and then shit man he set off he did things nobody ever i mean just to to create a brand that could last for fucking 20 25 as an independent filmmaker

independent like did you ever see that movie Red State that he did? I didn't do it. Did you ever see it? It was one of his best movies. It was weird, man. It was so strange because he didn't tell me anything about it. Because I just want you to see it. So we sat down, we watched it, and it was a horror movie.

It's like it's a horror suspense thriller movie. It's not funny at all. It doesn't try to be funny at all. But did he tell you that it was? He didn't tell me shit. He literally didn't tell me anything. But I'm assuming. It's a Kevin Smith movie.

I'm assuming it's going to be fun. But you know what? I mean, people like that, you know, somewhere deep down inside, they're like, I want to do something fucking different from what people know me from. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah for sure but once you get into something you get into a groove groove and get in the brand and you're known for something you make money of it why would you you know a lot of times why would you roll the dice i think he's just a creative guy

he just likes doing a thing like he had his thought in his head to do this kind of movie you know who else did that bobcat goldthwait he made a bigfoot movie man like a scary ass blair witch bigfoot movie do you know about you know the history with him the history with him bobcat what in what way with the chapelle show no i don't he was the first director of the first season of the chapelle show when i did new york boobs i ran into him yeah i ran into him and Dave. And then when you, it's so weird because you know him as crazy dude, right? And just to see his demeanor away from that, you just waiting for him to have an outburst. But Bobcat was the first season director of Chappelle's show. He's a very thoughtful guy.

I like him a lot. And the funny thing with him, with me, he liked me me but he said my name wrong every time he said he said where's darrell where's dante yo where where's daniel what's dude i was like after the fourth one i was like this gotta be racist sir he just named everything with a d that was my name but he was um he was the first director of the uh chapelle show before run rusty condor um took over what is that movie he made jamie what is it called again willow creek is it willow creek yeah i think it's willow creek it's fucking good man i gotta check it out he's obsessed with bigfoot bobcat believes in bigfoot like really all in i think or it's like a long run type deal he's so smart it might be a

scam i think i think he's telling the truth though i think he really is obsessed with big i knew he was a good actor when i knew he was a good actor when i talked to him and him not being a character from um police academy because that you know not too many characters you ever see that when you see their face you want to hear a certain voice. Right. Anything else is disappointing. Yeah. He had a hard time with that when he started doing stand-up. Really? Yeah, because he started doing stand-up again.

You know, he had done that Bobcat character forever, and then he started directing stuff. And remember when he lit Jay Leno's couch on fire? Oh, what? On one of the episodes of a show? He was on Tonight Show. He lit the fucking couch on fire. Yo, he used to fucking... For whatever reason.

Man, he used to do interviews and just blaze it. Yeah, he was crazy. I've never seen anybody... The only person... Robin Williams used to do interviews like that. Right. Yeah, Bob Castle, he was a wild man. But he's a thoughtful person.

Like, when you actually talk to him. Like, he looks... I mean, he's got sort of an explanation that makes sense. He just wanted to be a little wild. And he didn't realize what a big deal it was going to be. Because he murdered it. Yeah. Yeah, he murdered that.

But he's, he does a lot of different shit. And when he was doing stand-up again, he wanted to just be himself. And there was a time where they wanted him. They wanted that bobcat character that's a tough thing to pull away from especially if it's like you know if it's how you paying your bills you know i mean like for sure you it's like we who we gonna get the crazy dude that's got to be a tough a lot of people can um pull itself out of a lot of people can't reinvent themselves like that right like if you're gallagher like everybody right like if you're Gallagher

like everybody expects fruit if you say I'm just gonna talk now people are like come on bro but we wanted to talk in the fruit

yo people like that have weird weird crazy fetishes and shit bro it's like he fucks with watermelons

and then he likes looking at naked goats and shit something something something crazy if you're that wild. But Gallagher, you're going to see Gallagher. Anytime you see Gallagher, you're going to think watermelon for the rest of your life.

Yeah, you're going to think sledgehammer. You're going to think everybody's covered in plastic. Remember? I remember that. I hate to keep it, but you just said it. When I was with Chappelle, I used to pitch ideas, and they used to just throw my ideas like, pop, get that shit out of here. Neil, I used to pitch ideas.

Yeah, and then a guy going to come down, and then a dude going to come, and then somebody going to have a hat on, right? They're going to come, and they're going to shoot him. And then he used to be like this, pop. He used to smack that shit out of here. He was like, do that shit 10 years ago, son. Like, my shit was so dated and i couldn't think of anything one day i was watching comedy central and gallagher was on and for some

reason gallagher looked like dave chapelle to me and i was thinking because dave like skateboards and shit i'd send the skates and i just said and of course i was smoking a joint i said what if gallagher was black i was like what if gallagher was black I said, what if Gallagher was black? I was like, what if Gallagher was black? I just said, what if Gallagher was black? That was my pitch line. I said, what if Gallagher was black, right? And then I called Neil Brennan and I said, I got an idea. He said, what son?

I said, black Gallagher. And bam. Wow. I forgot about And bam. Wow. I forgot about this character. Yep. Black Gallagher. Dude, you were on, without a doubt, the greatest sketch show in the history of the world. I mean, it lasted only a little while.

But those are the classic sketches. There's some great sketches. It doesn't put anybody down. I mean, obviously, Saturday Night Live has been around forever. They have a lot of great sketches it doesn't put anybody's down I mean obviously Saturday Night Live has been around forever they had a lot of great sketches but it's hard to beat the black KKK dude it's hard to beat that sketch it's like

it's hard to beat that I don't even know what as an all time sketch I don't even know what thought process you gotta have to even yeah that was

when that sketch is going on you're watching it going yo whoa it felt like when that sketch is going on, you're watching it go on. Yo. Whoa. It felt like when that sketch dropped, bro, when that sketch dropped, I was like, oh, shit. It was just like, what are we talking about? It's like one of the funniest things that's ever been captured on film.

When Neil's head explodes. Yo. What a great idea, too too it's just such a great idea a blind black kkk member and he just running around thinking he's fucking white as shit oh and that shit still stays in fucking pop culture it's just one of those things it's gonna be a clayton bixby forever forever there's a bunch of those things. It's going to be a Clayton Bixby forever. Forever. There's a bunch of those. There's Rick James. One of the greatest sketches of all time.

I remember when we were doing the wraparounds and when you show the sketch to the audience and they played the Rick James sketch and every time we played it the room just exploded.

I mean, it just exploded like, wow. Oh, my God. Yeah, you knew something different. No one ever knew that it would go to the extent that it went, but you just knew something was big in that moment. Dude, there was a moment where people would would just yell out i'm rich bitch they would just yell it out in shows people just yell it out yeah i just kept yelling it out i'm rich bitch there was like something they wanted to say they had to say it dude that show had an impact a crazy impact if you really stop and think about it it did it's amazing that someone somehow or another

through whatever didn't keep that going i don't know what happened i don't either but god damn how do you not keep that going just back off yeah back off and film it and just let him do it what happened here how did you fuck that up? Let's get it. How did you fuck up? That's how I felt when he did SNL a couple years ago. You know, I was like, it's like that show has passed. Everybody's doing different things. You know what I mean?

But the show was just so iconic. It's hard to forget about it. But it was like when we did SNL, when he did the Walking Dead spoof. Jamin, did you see that sketch? He did a spoof for the Walking Dead. I didn't see this. Oh, my God. And this is a recent thing?

Oh, this was SNL. He won an Emmy for this. This was SNL like two years ago. When this scene right here, man, I was saying to myself, this shit is... Because I hadn't seen him perform as a character actor since the Chappelle show. And he fucking bodied this. The beginning of this shit is ridiculous. It was funny as shit. They won an Emmy for it. shit is ridiculous it was funny as shit that one emmy for like they have you know i have a little special category like uh special like a comedy special not the not the premiere um emmys but

you know the ones i'm talking about yeah that's that's a crazy scene to spoof too right that was a terrible remember that scene yeah and the walking dead but he did it that's like one of the most brutal scenes in all of television if you really stop and think about it like i couldn't believe what they showed like when they first episode out too of like the season right right i think so they killed off two or three people the one dude who they what was his name glenn that they kept hitting in the head and you could see his eyeball pop out I'm like what are we doing here see y'all watch that gory shit

I can't fuck with that I didn't fuck with it after that I was like I didn't even know it was existent to this yeah but he made that shit funny that was some funny shit yeah

and it was any glimpse of what would be oh man he killed that brought that back it was well you know I mean again when you talk about all time sketches shit it was, well, you know, I mean, again, when you talk about all-time sketches.

Yes. It was fun, man. How many episodes did it do all total? I don't know. What would two and a half years be? I don't know. I would say probably 50 episodes maybe, if that. 50? Wow. Was it that many? It was a lot. 50 episodes maybe If that 50

Wow Was it that many? It was a lot And another part Not even the sketches The music The music That would be

A fucking dope ass Fucking show Just to Show the guests Kanye Young Kanye Common Erykah Badu

Everybody used to stop through. What a crazy fucking show. Yep. Do you think he's happier doing that or he's happier doing stand-up? I think stand-up. You know, he shares a similar personality, this similar personality that you shared and I shared, that Joey Diaz shared, that want to be on stage, want to perform

as a stand-up. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think, I can't speak for him, I don't think it's, I don't think it's important for him to be on TV.

I think it's important for him to be the best comedian he could be. Right. You know? You know, you know how you feel when you think you're working at the top of your game?

You just hope everybody acknowledges it at the same time. I think also, too, he did it, and now he doesn't have anybody to answer to. He did it. The show's done. He did it. Still, in my opinion, I think it's the greatest sketch comedy show of all time. And then to do the things like, it's hard not to talk about him because, you know, he's what some people consider the greatest to ever do it. You know what I'm saying? Then you have a relationship with that person.

You know, you're not exploiting it, but it's just interesting. You know, like, I've seen his career go to the point where, and this is why i said the last special he did sticks and stones was so important for comedy because critics and a couple of people were dictating the tone of comedy they had people second get some people second guessing themselves right you know i mean i've heard i was hearing comedians like oh i want to say this but i don't feel comfortable i'm like what the fuck is happening you got to say what you want to say. Right. You know? And there was a comic. I won't mention their name, but they wrote a critical article about Dave in Sticks and Stones.

And the thing that I found interesting was that they were a comedian writing a critical article, which is all fucked up right out the gate. writing a critical article, which is all fucked up right out the gate. And I feel if you, as a comedian, if you don't know what specials, like the Sticks to Stones special and like with Bill Burr special, what they do for the voice of comedy is saying, this is what we do. That's it. Stop. Yeah. You know? Well, it seems like the expectations, cultural expectations of how we should and shouldn't talk about things, they're shifting so quickly.

And people demand compliance for you to behave a certain way. But our profession, we can't – this is not a profession to comply in. No. We don't do that. It's also like this move towards compliance. I don't – I mean, I think we should just be all nicer to each other. I think this compliance is like something that people, because they think they're right, they think they're going to enforce their idea on people.

But it's like the worst way to talk to people. Right, son. Because they immediately resist it. Be nice. Just be nice. Just be nice. Just be nice. Motherfucker tell you this.

Joe, you probably had this. Why? Oh, why? It's because I'm gay. No, it's because you're an asshole. No, it has nothing to do about who dick you suck or any of that. It's because you're an asshole. You take the asshole out of anything.

The asshole could be in anything. It could be in gay. It could be in white. It could be in anything You take the asshole out of anything. The asshole could be in anything. It could be in gay. It could be in white. It could be in anything. Take the asshole out. And you said it. Yo, just what is so hard, Joe, about being nice? What's so hard?

We could be better at it. But yeah. When I see you, you're nice to me. I try to be real nice to everybody. Yeah. I've never felt that. You're nice. You know? Yes. That's all all we gotta do is be nice i think people's disagreements are far less than we think

they are i think we get caught up in in in this there's a fucking team thing that happens with people and we're seeing in this country right now when it comes to like ideology are you on the right are you on the left just you know and it's just a, you know, it's just a, it's a weird time. There's a, be nice. Yeah. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

Whatever side you on. Yeah. Just fucking be nice about it. Yeah. You don't gotta be nasty about shit. We're all Americans too. I mean, it seems like we've gotten worse instead of better at like the two sides talking to each other. Man, I was at a function in D.C. and I was Jeff Breland is one of Donald Trump's right hand.

He's in that camp. And then there was another guy I met. He was a White House correspondent. Right. And I'm in this party and i'm talking both sides right and i'm understanding both sides you know i'm saying i understand i understand yeah i'm having a drink with this motherfucker and i'm having a drink with this motherfucker right i'm doing a shot with him doing a shot with him i understand it and even though your sides differ you don't have to be nasty yeah be nice like you say be fucking nice i think people have gotten these weird positions of uh just constantly interacting with people in negative ways it's like patterns confrontation yeah and then we think that you know this is a country divided

i don't think it's as divided as everybody thinks it is i think the problem is people divide us you know you have a guy who's your guy and your your guy gets voted in, and you get excited about it. And you go against the people who their woman or their guy didn't get voted in. And you have this little conflict with each other. And it's a stupid conflict. It's a stupid conflict because— It's just dangerous because you're basing it on a team thing. The problem is having a fucking president in the first place, having government in the first place.

We seem like we need it, but the problem is having anybody that's got control like that, any one person of extreme power. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't seem like it should be a thing anymore. It seems like a thing we should have figured out was a problem a long fucking time ago. But I don't think we would have been in a place where we feel like somebody with that power is abusing it. And that's so interesting. That's what's so interesting now.

Because, like, there's no way to deny some of the things that Donald Trump have done for America, some of the things he's done for the black community. It's on paper and everything. It's on paper. You can see that one of the stats is the lowest unemployment whatever but jobs have always been here is just if a motherfucker want to go get a job or not do you understand that like how does how does someone increase jobs do they provide government jobs or do they open up avenues for businesses make it easier for businesses to succeed i think it's big businesses and i think you got to create a certain mindset right but i mean when someone says like we added jobs i wonder how how you make that direct

connection between their policies i don't think that i think you inspired you can i think you can inspire a movement of jobs because jobs are always you could be like like i don't know like little language like hey we've been hiring we're starting to hire down at the coal mine or whatever you know i'm saying like you can inspire people to get jobs that are already there. One of the things I really hate is that almost everybody feels like they have to get into these ideological arguments right now because we've got such a strange president, such a polarizing president. That's what I don't understand about motherfuckers when it comes to Trump. How are y'all motherfuckers still letting him make you mad?

Like, yo, I'm telling you, Seth, sometimes I wake up, I'm on CNN. when it come to trump how y'all motherfuckers still letting him make you mad like like yo i'm telling you sometimes i wake up i'm on cnn i'm like okay we get it you know what i'm saying like come on man yeah the other thing is i mean i don't understand how people keep getting mad about the same shit you know a person's character you know how you think they feel about them and you continue to let them make you mad like they can make you upset it makes no sense well everybody knew who he was before we got in there too it's like everybody knew he was but everybody doing good things economically i don't i don't know that could be an argument i don't understand it that could be an argument

that he could win because he got numbers that's the argument he could win how does that work though the way it's always this i know i sound like a moron to anybody who understands economics but i've always heard that there's basically patterns that they can almost predict where economies rise and fall and a lot of it is based on policies they enact but a lot of it is based on just things you know have like natural cycles to them almost. Right. And sometimes shit is on the way up because of things that a president did, and then this new president catches the wave. Like, you always hear that.

Yeah, but that was the case, and that's the case with Obama and his shit to Trump and everything. And, you know, Trump won. He won fair and square, however you want to feel about it. You know what I mean? The motherfucker won. But people getting upset, people getting angry because somebody chose to vote for somebody. That's the dumbest shit ever. With my lifetime, it seems like this is the most polarizing people are versus Trump supporters or not supporters.

It's the most polarizing. You're either with him or you're not. It's like there's a culture battle going on. Because you don't got to be angry about it. It's a weird culture battle. No, you don't have to be angry. Most of us are wasting a lot of fucking energy. Man, if you can't correct it, if you don't know who the next Superman is going to be, just shut the fuck up about it.

You know what I'm saying? You keep on, man. It's like you keep on, you keep on. Just find out who is going to be. Mayor Bloomberg said, man, he looked at the field and said fuck none of these motherfuckers can beat trump i may have to run yeah he's gonna jump in apparently he may jump in it and he's a data he's a numbers guy yeah you know like if you're not gonna like like it's just senseless to continue to be mad it's just so weird right now people are saying people want to take away people's guns and

people saying they'll fight to keep their guns like what are we talking about here man i don't even know a lot of my friends don't even know the argument of guns because when we see a gun it's never in a place where it's a gun law you know i'm saying the first time i went to ohio bro and i was going to department stores and shit and they had signs outside that said no guns allowed right they had signs like no smoking like no guns and i'm saying to myself wait a minute motherfuckers have guns where you have to tell them not to bring them in here there's a lot of guns out there. There's certain places where you have, like, Arizona, I think, is an open carry state.

That's always going to be scary to me. That is wild, wild west shit. Yo, I bet that cuts down on road rage, though. Cuts down on everything. That's the thing. Is that okay, though? Are you happy with this crazy armed society where everybody's nice because everybody's got a

gun on them at all times i mean just don't pop the shot i know that shit i wish we didn't need that i wish people were just nice yeah and i don't even know if that's really needed as much as you have the right to do you you know some people just they love to exercise their right to bear arms you have the right to bear arms but you don't have to bear an arm. Some people love guns. They love them. They can't wait to shoot them. Bang, bang, bang.

They can't wait to fix them. They want to polish them and clean them, and they want to add new ones to their collection, and bang, bang, bang. And they get good at using them. And they just want to just. Ooh. Some of them are lovely people. They're really nice people it's not a

knock against them i get it i can see myself getting really into guns well that's a problem not not really but it's it's they're fun okay going to a range and shoot at metal targets is fun and it's it's something where it could conceivably in this life it's it's possible and it's happened to other people where you had to save your life right i'm just with a gun that's It could conceivably in this life. It's possible. And it's happened to other people where you had to save your life. Right. With a gun. That's real.

But a lot of people don't want to. They want to deny that. Yeah. Much rather if that was not true. I would much rather that. But it seems to be true that sometimes people do break into people's houses and sometimes those people defend themselves. I wish nobody broke into anybody's fucking and sometimes those people defend themselves i wish nobody broke into anybody's fucking house i really do and i wish nobody had to shoot anybody that broke into their house i really do but we can't deny that that's a thing we can't deny that people

have saved their lives with guns because some of them can't deny also that i know this sounds crazy too and this is how black people look at guns A lot of black people have lost their lives to guns, and they've lost their lives to guns with people of authority. You know what I'm saying? So when it comes to guns with black people, I can't speak for everybody, but that's a really strong place where the distress in the whole system of a gun for a black person to feel. Makes total sense. You know what I'm saying? gun for a black person that to feel you know i mean total sense you know i'm saying like even in even even with cases i'm not trying to get radical anything we're having a conversation even in cases where there's a a young black man that had a license and was legit by law he could

carry a gun and he still at the end of the day was the victim of what people can consider to be an overzealous police officer, unqualified police officer, or untrained police officer. But that's how a lot of black people see guns. And the other side of black people see guns is they use it to commit crimes themselves. You know? But when you talk about gun, like, even when you're saying you're talking about the way that people know the NRA, they know gun laws. Half the motherfuckers in these different states don't even know how easy it is to be able to have a gun. Dave Chappelle said it, and it was a funny joke, and it means a lot. He said, you really want to change the gun laws?

Have every black person in Ohio register to have a gun and see how quick the gun laws would change then. You see all these niggas with guns, they be like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, we got to do something about this shit, man. That's the only way I can see you can effectively change it. But it's different different arguments on the whole thought of guns with different people you know i see both sides i

want to be able to protect myself i yeah i'm sure but then you got to ask yourself what environment are you living in where you have to actually i'm just trying to – where you have to actually protect yourself and where do you live where there's a chance that you could be in a parking lot and your Walmart car bumps the car and next thing you know it's a shootout. That's a mindset. That is a mindset. That's a mindset. Damn. Shootouts. that's the mindset damn shootouts are that mean preparing for shootouts jesus christ i always have a scenario always a shootout scenario i know but all everybody would agree wouldn't it be better if we just didn't do that yeah people didn't ever put themselves in a position where you were going

to have to shoot them that goes back to what you said earlier. Had to be nice. Yeah. Just be nice. Yeah, I don't want to be in a situation where someone had to think about shooting me. Exactly. I know where those places are. That's the problem with being nice, right? There's places where people are stuck in these crime-ridden environments

and it doesn't seem like there's any way out. That's what the problem with being nice is. Sometimes you can't survive. Yeah, they either got to get out or you can't go there. And you can go there sometimes, but after a while you have to show people another side. You got to show people another side. you have to um you have to show people another side you know you got to show people another side you have to you know people can you said it before people make excuses but eventually you got to say to yourself what can i really do to change the cycle yeah and you got to

work at it what do you think anybody could do to change the cycle? Like, when you see impoverished neighborhoods that are the same way from the 1970s as they are in 2019, how do you fix that? Have you ever thought about it? It's a tough thing to fix. I think people have to see other images. People have to see other images. You could brainwash people with advertisement. You know, people have to see other images. They have to see other things.

You have to show them something that they don't. You got to show them success. Some examples of people like them. You got to show them examples. Those people that have made it, they really got to really care and get involved. They got to be around. They got to be able to see something different because most most kids in the inner city whatever they dream about it they dream about it

and then when a couple make through when a couple people do good we don't put the energy into supporting them and recreating them we put the energy into other stupid shit opposed to actually honoring this, a person that broke through, a politician. Yeah. You know what I mean? And get with them. And kids have to see that. They have to see that this is possible. They have to see it's possible.

Yeah. Have to see it's possible. Yeah. People need to think that they've got hope. It's possible. Yeah. Have to see it's possible. Yeah.

People need to think that they've got hope. And that's, if you're in a spot where you're stuck in a crime-ridden community, that's probably the worst place you could be as a young person in this country. It's tough. Some people make it out of it. A lot of people don't. Some people make it out of it. A lot of people don't. Stop it. How do you stop it? What do you do? What's the plan? How do you go in there? How much money would it take? How much money would it take to take all of the, take one city, Detroit, impoverished communities in Detroit and bring it up?

What would you have to do? How would you have to fix this? How would you have to have community centers? How much would it cost to have counseling and guidance and a positive community, like foster a positive community with people that are like professional like psychologists and health care workers and and and doctors and people that can talk to kids and tell them about potential careers and things that they can do and that there's ways out and then foster them into community programs that can get them tutoring to give them a little

bit of a bump before they can go to college. It's tough. All these different things that just don't exist. A lot of it don't exist, but it's got to start at home. It has to start at home. It has to, right? It has to because you can make all the plans, the programs you want. Somebody has enforcement. They have to enforce it.

A teacher can have the best lesson plan and the best curriculum ever. She can win teacher of the year whatever you know i'm saying but what if she what she's teaching and what she's trying to get them to understand if it's not reinforced at home then it goes nowhere right you know and it's like the i don't even know how do you address the mindset of of parents or some people aren't supposed to be parents but that's where everything starts. Everything starts there. I think some people, it's a cycle, right? Some people had parents that were unqualified to have them,

and then they became unqualified to have their own parents, and whether or not they should or shouldn't be responsible, we could all agree they should be responsible. They're not. Those kids, a lot of times, are the ones that get fucked over in life. They get a bad start, right? But if there was some way, some way through some sort of a community program

to ensure that these kids always had a place that felt like a community, felt like family, they can go there, it's safe. There's always somebody there that can handle them and take care of them. But man, motherfuckers gotta get rid of the mentality of fucking their own shit up, man.

That's one thing, they fuck their own shit up sometimes, man. Like everything you're saying like nipsey hussle the rapper that passed away um that was well respected in hip-hop all all across the board he was an example of everything that you're saying yeah he was an example of how to fix it he was example of everything that you said he was doing getting people up on their finances he had a realty company um out of the um the uh marathon clothing uh shopping mall he had he he employed people that came out of prison people that didn't have a fair shake in life you know i'm saying he did he

donated to the community he had kids in his videos he was doing everything he was trying to explain to people how important it is to have business, buy property. He knew where his store was. A train line was going to be coming soon. So all the property he bought around it, he knew how much it was going to be worth. Then he tried to pass that knowledge on to a lot of people. He passed it on through his music. He passed it on how he lived his life.

He passed it on by his associations. He gave everything. He didn't leave the fucking hood he stayed in the hood he built his name in the hood he came from a place where people was comparing him to snoop dogg right out the gate he snooped out blah blah blah he had to be through that shit he's selling his own shit he recording his own he's doing his own shit he won't leave the fucking hood he's letting people see his life he's letting people see his motherfucking life and with all that said

in his parking lot in his hood another nigga shot him to death and that's fucked up that type of shit make me be frustrated about being black sometimes and that's fucked up. That type of shit make me be frustrated about being black sometimes. God damn, nigga. And then you wonder why people say this about you.

Our community needs to check, motherfuckers, and get garbage and rodents and roaches like that motherfucker out of here. As much as we trying to figure out the problem, as much as we can put a million people in a fucking room and write, okay, this legislator, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Man, if motherfuckers don't start fucking their own shit up, ain't nobody ever going to fucking care. What's the biggest place in the world that we've tried to rebuild? City-wise? Is it like Iraq?

I mean, have they really tried to rebuild Iraq? I mean, what did they do once we took over? I know very little about how much money has really been pumped in i know it's been an extraordinary amount but how much money do you think's been pumped into like iraq if you had a guess so i there was that protest going on there last week i thought we were supposed to be pulling out of iraq we pulled out of chicago nah i'm sorry son i'm sorry, son. I'm sorry, son. I was turning, but I just... More deaths in Chicago. Always more deaths in Chicago.

And motherfuckers need, man. That's part of the point I'm making, man. It's the whole mindset. That was part of my point. It was like, what if they just cut that money in half? Whatever they're doing over there and just put it all in the cities. Put it all in places like Detroit, Chicago, any place that's overrun with crime and violence. If they put the kind of money

that they put into other countries. I think America thinks like this. What is my investment? They'll give it up, but what do they get out of it in return? They get more successful people. More successful people contribute more to the society. It's better for everybody. The more successful people we have,

if we're a community, we all agree the United States is a community for all community We'd be better served all of us would be if more people were successful if more people were doing well There'd be more money for the economy that makes sense. Yeah, it's possible. There's a drain when people aren't doing as well Dinesh education. Yes, it's education. It's inspiration It's people showing you guiding you people showing you the steps that you can take, people that have done those steps themselves. There's a lot of people out there that can do that. And it's a movement, man, because a couple of my friends, DJ Envy and Cesar, Envy's on the importance of creating generational wealth, real estate, and just being a different person. I think we all need mentors.

We all need mentors. We need someone who understands what it is we're talking about to sort of help us and guide us through. And as comics, we all are silent mentors to each other, a lot of it. Because you'll ask a guy, how'd you set that up? Why'd you switch it that way? Oh, they saw it coming this way. But this way they don't see it coming. Those conversations.

It's so interesting you said that with the mentor. One of my mentors named Fat Doctor. He's out of Washington, D.C. That's a great name. Fat Doctor. Fat Doctor in the 80s. Fat Doctor was dope as shit, Joe. Back then, he was a black comic.

There was mainstream. He'd do the black rooms and he'd do white rooms. Richard Pryor said it was one of his favorite comedians. And Fat Doctor, he was, and reason to say he was because he's not really doing good right now. You know, like, it's, you know. Health health wise yeah and he was he was that mentor to me he was that mentor to martin lawrence he was that mentor to tony woods he's one of those guys that like if you know dc if you know fat doctor every comic has some piece of fat doctor somewhere whether it's being that motherfucker that can work a black room in a white room. Whether it's being that dude

that can fucking just demolish a fucking room. Everybody had a piece of him. Wow. You know? And he's not doing well. You know? But

I'm just giving him a shout out. Beautiful. I'm sorry to hear that. And shout out to Tony Woods. I haven't heard that name in a little bit. I love that guy. He's a shout out. Beautiful. I'm sorry to hear that. And shout out to Tony Woods. I haven't heard that name in a little bit. I love that guy. He's a funny guy. Yeah.

He just did a write-up of him in New York Times talking about his lineage to D.C. comedy and people he worked with and everything. And Tony's one of those dudes that you know if you mention a certain city or something like, oh, Detroit or D.C., you're like, Tony Woods Tony Woods right right right and all those guys yeah yeah Tony Woods a funny funny funny comic man I always remember watching him in New York he's I was funny for years I was surprised that more people don't know who he is like when I talked to comics you know even comics might not even know he did a lot of stuff he got you know with whatever we do you know we got to go with money is he did a lot of stuff he got you know with whatever we do

you know we got to go with money is i think a lot of part of his career was like a lot of his money was overseas he's very popular overseas so you know you gotta you gotta get your cash where you can get it he's an elite motherfucker though his comedy's always top notch yeah always yeah he's got a smooth style too man like a very unique style of delivery. That was one of Chappelle's mentors when he came up. Yeah. We all have to have those, right? Yeah. Like for me in Boston, a lot of it was Lenny Clark, who I'm still friends with.

There was these guys who were these Boston killers that would headline at Nick's Comedy Stop and all those comedy club stitches and all those places. There was like the Mount Rushmore of Boston comedy. Right. They were nice to everybody. They told us what to do. Like, hey, you got to write more. Hey, you got to stop saying fuck so much. You say fuck too much, kid.

You broke the fuck meter. Like, oh, the fuck meter? Yeah, the fuck meter. Like, they would tell you, like, if you say fuck all the time, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. But if you say it when you need it, bang, then it's like, what the fuck? Boom, it means something now. Right.

Because you only said it once. And they would tell you about what's a hack premise. You might think you thought of that yourself, but 100 other comics also have thought of that same shit. And what makes you different? What makes you different? What makes you different from everything else? That's how Fat Doctor was.

He took me through the trenches. Okay, I was funny. Yeah, you're funny, but you curse too much. Did I stop curs stop cursing you're cursing but you only got five minutes and i have 10 minutes you got 10 minutes but you can't do clean you can't it was like they would they always gonna have something yeah to test you with but i know fat doctor he always used to say no matter what we do in this game and we all have problems he said when you go on stage you put the problem to the side you do your show and then you pick it back up when you're ready to leave you always got to pick it back up yeah but i wish him well and i hope he does it gets better

yeah i wish him well too is his shit online can i see his stuff is on youtube yeah he probably got something deep down in youtube deep down in youtube but he's one of those guys that we knew for years we all have mentors there's no i mean even guys who just you watch them fabulous fat doctor there it is even guys that you uh you know you don't even know them well but you watch them all the time like if you work at the store you know you get to see like uh jesson that could go up over and over and over again tighten up his shit like even if you don't know him well like you're kind of if you're a young comic working the door you're kind of getting mentored just watching that watching tweak his act and change it oh i like how he used to watch fat doctor martin used to watch that was his mentor before martin did star says they were like they were like really cool and

and and fat doctor took him on his wing just like he took a lot of us on his wings and tell you those little jokes those little things that help you in fact i think when um martin first had brought the um got to show martin fact i was out here i think he wrote on a couple episodes dude some of the worst bombings i ever had in my life i had to follow martin in the 90s oh man i can't imagine martin i was i was terrible and he was on fire nothing was hotter nothing nothing nothing i remember i don't know if i told you the story i remember i remember i was in dc i was in the bed with this chick and we were watching hbo whatever and this one hbo specials were hbo specials right and it was like hbo special they said give it up martin lawrence and martin lawrence came out there i don't know if i said this he said when you give

it up for a brother making money the right way, when you're making money the right way, you can tell your lady shit like, shut the fuck up. He said, and she'll shut up, too. She'll be like, oh, you so crazy. Man, let me tell you something. I was in the bed. I stood up.

I was like this. I said, who the fuck is that motherfucker? Yo, I was like, and he came out like, you know, he came out like, when specials was like, specials was really special. Like, they came once a year. Yeah. Twice a year. Yeah. And then it was usually with some big HBO production.

You knew it was coming out post, you know? Mm-hmm. And he said, you can tell your lady shit, like shut the fuck up. And she'd be like, you so crazy. It was like, boom. And it was off to the fucking races. That's what inspired you.

That's what, that inspired me. That made me, and then I saw him at the Comedy Connection in Greenbelt. It was a little small spot in Greenbelt. This was where we all started. I saw him there live. It's a little small spot in Greenbelt. This was where we all started. I saw him there live. It's a little pizza shop. They make it to a comedy room.

It only holds like 110 people. Wow. And I was in the fucking front row like this, bro. I was like this. And Mark was on fire. And I was watching. I was like, this nigga saying all the shit I want to say. Yo, I'm like, I was like, he's just saying some regular shit.

And it's funny. He's just saying some regular shit, some everyday shit, and it's just funny. And I was like this, man, I want to do this shit. Wow. Yep. I was like, and I wouldn't even, I was

fucking around in open bullshit, open mic, just heckling, and I said, I want to do this shit. And it was Martin. Martin fucking used to tear rooms up. He used to destroy. It was terrifying. He's on tour. I'm on tour with him next year.

Really? What is it? AEG. AEG, the touring joint? Mm-hmm. The last shit they did is called the Lit as Fuck Tour. Martin Lawrence is the host of the Lit as Fuck Tour. Oh, that's great.

That's beautiful. Yeah, they announced it recently, and I'm going to do some dates coming up. I'm excited. Just to be a dude from D.C., that's like bucket list shit. He's one of the rare leather suit guys, right? He's wore leather suits on stage. I think he gave it up. You know, everybody wear leather.

When you get that first check, you got to put some leather on, son. Look at him. Yes, that was the fucking outfit, son. Full leather poncho. Full leather. That must have been so sweaty. Not only that, but I'm just, I mean, think of it. You got to ask yourself, what the fuck was he thinking?

But he was in the moment. He was in the moment. But that was it. You so motherfucking, that shit that was amazing so that was around the time when he was coming to the comedy store to work out his shit oh yeah and i was going after him oh his death i know that room those rooms had to be people just get up like 90 of the people would get up that you so crazy was like there was that was when when it comes to like uh uh like comes to hashtags and shit and phrases, You So Crazy probably would fucking go against a rich bitch back in the 90s.

Yeah, probably. If they had hashtags back then. And nothing was funnier than Martin. Not on TV. He just had this energy, man. And he would play different characters. No. He just had this energy, man. And he would play different characters. Yeah, he was. I was dating this girl, and I had to break up with her because she said Martin Lawrence was corny.

I was like, bitch, I said, look, this is not going to work. I was like, there is nothing else to talk about. Like, this is a wrap. What the fuck are you talking about, son? What are you talking about? Yep. I was like, nah, that's over. Especially in the nineties.

I'm telling you, I got to watch it live. It was one of those things where he was on fire. He was just in his zone. It was when Martin was at his top. think about it. Think about it. you know,

some, uh, comics are hot, but it's one thing where, you know, they hot and didn't, they'd like, they got a hot TV show.

Yep. You know what I mean? Like, it's like hot movies. Yeah. It's didn't they like they got a hot tv show yep you know i mean like it's like hot movies yeah it's like just popping man yeah i mean i can't imagine and they're coming to the store with will smith it's coming out he they're doing what is the third one yeah i mean he was doing an action fucking movie too with the biggest name yeah what he did what he did a tv show he did it he's all he did a fucking action movie with Will Smith? He's doing comedy specials? And I'm telling you, like it was for me as a kid, you know, who started in Boston, I'd only been doing comedy for six years by the time I was out here already.

And when I was out here and I'm working at the store, six years in, and I got to go on after Martin Lawrence. And I got to watch him though, just to be in the room watching a legit comedy superstar you know six years in like watching him like i'm watching him all the time i watched him 10 15 shows just murder man at the just a razor's edge how'd you feel how'd you feel going how'd you handle it going terrified terrified just ate shit most of the time dude I I don't think I had a good set I thought you were like yeah dude I just said fuck them motherfuckers

no no no that's hilarious I ate shit I ate shit pretty much every time I went on after him you couldn't transfer the energy they didn't want to hear it

they didn't want to hear nothing he was so good he was so good and I was so bad wasn't one of them joints with a motherfucker no yo the funny thing is when you do that shit

and like i'll go some places with dave and like he'll get on stage and then the whole crowd just leave the fucking stage i mean leave the room like fuck it this has to be over now that's funny yep yeah man i mean nobody starts out great if you you had to go back. I started off great, Joe. Did you? I did. From the jump? I swear to God. You never had a dull spot?

Let me tell you. Where you had some bad sets? I was five months in. That's amazing. I came through. I just was like, I had already been just practicing my whole fucking life. Your whole life, right. Not on jokes, just fucking with motherfuckers.

Yeah. And all I had to do was figure out a way to make that into a bit. But no, I hit that shit hard. Well, it doesn't seem like it's an art form, but it definitely is. Because when someone talks shit to somebody really well and everybody's like, and we're all laughing, if you can do that to a room full of guys, if there's like five guys sitting around talking shit and one guy says something that's so ruthless that all of us are on the floor dying, that it that is stand-up comedy you're just doing stand-up comedy for

five guys you just need a different platform i tell i tell any it's so weird because i'll meet people and i'm like you should do comedy like oh i bet you tell it no you know a certain energy you could tell a certain energy you like you know what certain people you see and you're like you know what i would love to see you try it one time yeah yeah you know i'm saying i know exactly you know i mean like no i'm not saying this is a career or anything but if you ever thought about it why not just fucking you never know yeah you do never know it's i encourage too many people to do too many things i encourage everybody to start a podcast i I encourage everybody to do stand-up. I do it all the time. People will get mad at me, going

you shouldn't encourage everybody to do it. But if you try it, you might be good at it. It's not a special talent in the sense that if you can't run fast, you're not going to win at track and field. You're just not. You're just not.

Almost anybody Who thinks they're funny Who loves comedy Who's got a sense of humor And is smart Can at least make some attempts At stand up And I think if you can just get

A little bit of traction Get going a little bit You can get better It's like Everybody's got a different pace Your pace was faster Because you had been talking shit Your whole life

Right But other guys like Were more silent and introverted It took them a little while To get their thing going But if they can do it I always encourage people to do it. But even if they do it, they got to keep doing it. Yes, you got to keep doing it.

You can't just like that guy, my friend. It's the grind. Some people can't grind. I started. I started. You know, I didn't start my podcast, start it, but I recorded one today. Wow. By myself.

It's happening. For 44 minutes. Did you just do it Bill Burr style? The reason why I did it, because I didn't want you to talk shit to me. I was like this. I was like, this motherfucker got a knockout punch. But listen, you're so good. You're so good on podcasts.

For you to not have a podcast is an atrocity. But I did it for four. This is the first time in my life I talked for 45 minutes with nobody else but myself. Perfect. This is the first time I ever did that. It's easy for you. You could stay in this room for three hours and just go. I'm way better off with people.

But you could do it. You could go the distance. You could just do whatever. But it's a thing that you get better at doing that's all it is it's like everything else like being on a pod

like doing podcasts is a thing that gets you you get better at being on a podcast you get better at doing it I think I'm gonna I have fun yeah you're gonna be perfect at it

I was scared as shit I was scared as shit son but I knew I couldn't come in here no listen I knew I couldn't come in here but now I'll show you the timeline that looks like a year but I knew I couldn't come in here. I knew I couldn't come in here. I'll show you the timeline. That was like a year ago. I knew it wasn't a year, son.

It was like five months ago, son. Every time I see you, I just be wanting to say, what's up? He's like stretching out and shit. He's like, what's up with that podcast? I'm like, man, I try to skip this. I say, you know my son has a birthday. Yeah, that's cool. Everybody has a birthday.

What's up with that podcast? This is what I say. This is what I really mean. Everybody. One of the reasons why I encourage every comic to do it, because if you just put some energy into it, you have a thing that's all you. And if it's successful, it's all you. It's you. It's like you.

And you don't have to worry about getting fired. You don't have to worry about people being mad at you. It's you. I know it's me, but me not used to talking to himself. But you could talk to a friend. I didn't have a friend then, son. I'm your friend. You don't want to talk to me.

I do want to talk to you. I would talk to you on yours first. All right. And then we can come and do mine second or vice versa. I did one today. I did one today. How about we do one today? I just did one. Okay.

I just did one. I got 44 minutes. Okay. I just did one. I got 44 minutes. Okay. I did one. And I'm going to tell you, it started off, I don't know. I was honest. Listen, I want you to critique it, son. Okay.

You got to critique it, son. Okay. I just. I think you just got to put them out. I am. If the first ones aren't your favorite ones, it doesn't matter. But that made me, I'm going to tell you, I felt I was excited because you wouldn't be able to talk shit to me. I was.

I was like, fuck that. Fuck that shit. I was excited you wasn't going to talk shit to me. You took it on podcast. And I excited that I got 44 minutes of me talking. That's beautiful. And this is a start. And I'm telling the truth.

Yeah. If you go back and listen to the early Burr ones, he would do it on a phone. He would like make a phone call to a place, and it would be him on the phone. It wasn't even like a recorder on his phone. Bill Burr's first ones, he was doing way back before there was an app on your phone that you could record on. Yeah. And he was just talking shit about people at the airport, just talking shit about this guy. Look at this fucking guy.

Oh, really? See, that's what I want. I just want to talk shit, son. I just want to talk shit son I just want to talk shit Well you're a Fucking master at it man You 100% should have a podcast 44 minutes

The more people do it The more comics do it The more it empowers all of us Alright what do I gotta do now All you just gotta do is get it I got 44 minutes Get it to like a Libsyn account You need an account

Where you can get an RSS feed Someone We'll help you Don't panic No I want to do it now Come on an RSS feed Someone We'll help you Don't panic I want to do it now Come on man We'll help you We'll help you

You ain't gonna do it man You're not gonna help me Jamie's gonna help you Jamie could you produce my first one That's all I ask Can I just get one Yes Can I get one Jamie

We'll do it You can do it bootlegging shit We'll do it Come on Jamie help me man Don't worry I'll take care of it Don't know Is that a yes or a no Yes

No man We got it Yes We got you Alright so the first one After 44 minutes Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Donnell. Is that a yes or a no? Yes. No, man. We got it. We got it. Yes! We got you. All right, son. The first one. I got 44 minutes.

I'm going to air drop it to you. Super easy to set up, so you just have to upload one every week. It'll be easy. All right. Okay? We'll get it started. You promised, right? But 100%.

Him and me. Okay. We're going to go through this together. Don't forget me, son. I'm not forgetting you. I'm going to do more, but I got one ready, son. You're going to do more. I'm going to help you. I was honest. Okay. We're going to go through this together. Don't forget me, son. I'm not forgetting you. I'm going to do more, but I got one ready, son. You're going to do more. I'm going to help you.

I was honest. Good. Beautiful. I love you, son. I love you too, man. I get happy when I see you, man. I get happy when I see you too. I'm like, God, this nigga be working out everywhere I go.

This motherfucker's everywhere. You at every club, son. You got to work. How can you not win? You got to work. Yeah. I mean, don't you think? I mean, that's the thing. Just put in those numbers work how can you not win you gotta work yeah i mean don't you think i mean that's the thing just put in those numbers how can you and it's so funny because and be nice be nice because when we did that show like we all did a good job right yeah but it felt good because we

knew like we had put the reps in yeah you know i'm saying it wasn't like this like swinging haymakers it's like no motherfucker we got it toned down i got this shit yeah even when we did the Utah joint yep that was so dope because you know we did the first one uh Ashley uh you I mean Ashley and you and then they had the intermission that me and Dave and then on the Utah joint it was daytime right that's right I told them to wait I'm like what are we they didn't wait right so i'm like this because i had just experienced something similar the year before with frankie beverly and maze basically motherfuckers went there and it was daytime you know and i was like this you can't give joe a motherfucking daytime audience like it's the

backstage of the festival or some shit right i was like oh man this shit gotta get dark and i went on then and it got dark and fucking you went up there ate that shit up son it was fun it was amazing those gigs were special man like they felt like they felt historic they felt like we were doing something really fun yeah you know which one is this this is the utah one oh utah was beautiful They were both beautiful Utah look at that shit Yeah The sky and everything above it

It was perfect They were both beautiful I fucking love Utah man I like going there Look at that shit son Look at that Bam But you know what I'm saying

Like those shows felt special They felt like we're doing some fun shit Man that shit is like energy man That energy Yeah That energy like It's like It was like some shit I would want to see

Like if I was a guy who likes stand up But didn't do it I want to see that show And it's the show And then it's seeing other people enjoy the show You know what I'm saying Bumping it to somebody Hey we were at the Rogan Chappelle show.

You know? No, it was fun, man. It's dope. It was real fun. Got to do more of those, huh? I'm starting my podcast. You got me started, bro. Come on.

Yo, you promised, son. You said you was going to produce. I promised. You said you'd produce it. I don't back out of promises. We're going to take care of it. I know. That's why I had to.

We had to take care of it. We could just open up a branch that would annoy the fuck out of people, right? What? We'll hire a whole separate group of people so we could help people get podcasts launched people but there's two fucking million years man you said you're gonna do mine i'm gonna do yours the first one that's all this is well i'm gonna concentrate 100 on you all right but i'm saying i mean if we did decide to do that, to have a branch where it just helped people get started with their shit. But then too many people would ask. Then you would have people. No, you got to pick it.

You got to pick it. But then people get mad at you. You don't pick that up. But don't nobody give a fuck. You're dealing with some record producer type shit. You found a horse in your bed. It's like a yearly draft. You just want to be in the five a year.

Oh, yearly draft. Too much work. Too much work. man Too much work We just produced yours That's it man Just mine Yeah yeah yeah What was I thinking

I was giving myself an extra job Producing yours is easy Your fans started fucking Trying to bully me and shit Yo I was in Orlando And all these motherfuckers Looked like you Kept coming up to me

They love you They look like Just like you man They look like you They walk like you they dress like you they are you sir and they come up talk about what the fuck is up with the podcast that's the truth that's hilarious well we got you we're rolling all right official you heard it here folks ladies and gentlemen that's it we're rolling yeah 100 you got me i'm gonna do it yeah i can't well it

has to be done i know it's hard to get going with those things it's hard to figure out five months five months of me being nervous five months of ducking you we had a couple of failed yo we had a couple of conversations i tried it one time i feel like i try to do everybody podcast at one time i had fucking green screen i had all type of shit going on right and i just fucking was talking and I just couldn't get it. And I said, man, fuck it. I don't want to do it. And I tried to quit my own shit.

Well, don't quit. I'm not going to quit. We'll help you. You said that. All right. We're in. It's moving. The train is on the tracks.

The little engine. Dude, I've been reading this book about the wild west holy shit but it's an audiobook i say i'm reading but i'm really lying i'm listening to someone man i'm listening to someone at least you fessed up oh i always do um empire of the summer moon holy shit holy shit is it good it's terrifying empire of the what empire of the summer moon it's about the the wars between the settlers and uh native americans and i'm in like it's track four whatever that means i guess that's chapter four and holy fuck is it horrific some of the things that happen to these people man i don't like sides you like gory like no it's not that it's the history of the united states i'm fascinated by

like what happened with these tribes and when these these white settlers showed up and i'm i'm fascinated by what the tribes were doing before the settlers showed up too and there's they detail a lot of that too it talks about the Comanche, about what happened when the Comanche got horses, and they just really started getting really good at raising horses. They had way more horses than anybody, so they dominated. It's fascinating stuff, man. This wasn't that long ago that these folks were riding horses, dominating landscape with bows and arrows and spears and hunting buffalo and cooking them over fire i mean it's fucking amazing their their life was i'm it is like like sort of fairy tale movie type shit of like avatar people like this is how these a lot of these folks lived i mean and

it's savage too like the the murders when it talks about the murders and murdering murdering settlers and babies and all kinds of crazy shit like if you can't handle that don't read it but you're not reading you're listening to it son you're right you're listening to it i'll listen to it yeah is that better than reading it it's just i can do it in my car i'm always driving around i mean i try to read but i don't read as much as i do listen i listen way more than i read you gotta go on the beach or something where you can hear like like a book it's like yeah like flipping a page i might have to check that out i will check that out how bold is it to buy a house on the beach in 2019 how bold is it to say you know what i think everything is gonna stay exactly the way it is these fucking scientists don't know jack shit like If you buy a house in Santa Monica or something where you're on those stilts over the water.

It's going to go soon. What are the odds? Do they have odds on what parts of the shoreline get eroded completely over the next 10 years? What are the odds? I'm pretty sure somebody knows that, though. Or somebody's predicting or planning for it. Be my people are still buying those fucking houses. Imagine trying to unload them when the water starts rising.

It's like, oh, we're at 12 degrees. Hey, listen. What are they going to do? I mean, are they really going to lose all those houses? Or do they get to push back? Maybe they get to push back. Push what? Maybe they push the highway back a little bit.

Push the houses back a little bit. Pick them up. Back them up before the ocean comes. No, they're going to take that L and rebuild, man. Take the L. This is a real cockroach. No, that's a tarantula wasp. Yeah, tarantula wasp?

Hawk. Tarantula hawk. Is it in his grass to eat or something? No, my friend was on the podcast talking me about it and he has a farm and uh he was telling me about these fucking things they land on tarantulas and fuck them up and lay their eggs in a tarantula it's dark shit but and they look they're enormous looking and he was just describing how big it was and i was like what and so then i get a package and it's one of

these motherfuckers show him a picture of it can we put a picture of it and then they just come video of one fight okay but that is what it's that is an actual real dead one and he has them around his uh vineyards do you know the band tool oh so he likes them there. Well, he likes them there. To kill a tarantula. I think they're all a part. I don't think they want to kill tarantulas. I think everything's a part. It's all a part of the ecosystem there.

The only thing you want to get rid of is stuff that fucks up your crops. The size of these things. I mean, they're goddamn enormous. I mean, if I could describe this, how big is this for people that are just listening? If it's straightened out, it's a good solid three inches, wouldn't you say? It's so creepy looking, yeah. Wouldn't you say it's three inches, though? It's like half the size of a terrarium.

I don't want to hear any small dick jokes. That's easy. That's hacky. You don't even know what three inches is, but that's three inches. A cockroach would be good. Two inches at least. Like a small cockroach. It's hard to tell because it's curved, folks, because it's dehydrated and dead and it's curled up in a ball.

But I feel like if you straighten that fucker out, it'd be four inches. That's a big bitch. That's a big cockroach. That's a big bitch. That's an alarmingly large cockroach. So we're looking at some shit from the animal planet. What is this that we're looking at, Jamie? Is this one laying the eggs in the tarantula? one minute version nature is so ruthless man man this is gross but that's why

i was so fascinating about that book um when they're detailing the lives of the comanche because they were brutal brutal i mean but also like they were living like in the 1700s. They were living in this way in the 1800s. They were living in this way that it's incomprehensible for people from Europe. Is it a series or anything or only a book? It's just a book. My friend The Jackalope on Instagram. He's a Hunter S. Thompson enthusiast.

That sounds like something that would be turned into a series. It seems like it should be. If they did a real accurate account of these settlers trying to travel across the country and what happened to them and what happened to the Native Americans and the war with the soldiers and

all the treaties that were broken and all the horrible, horrific shit that happened to them. But it's just all that aside, which you can never ignore, all that aside, it's fascinating just to think of how they were living their lives, just riding around on horses, spearing buffalo, eating meat over a fire. They didn't grow shit.

They didn't have baskets. They weren't doing pottery. They were just eating meat over fire, making bows and arrows and fucking things up and dominating the West. But they probably still had the same problems as everybody else. They certainly had problems. They probably had the same problems as everybody else. It's just crazy to listen to the depictions of how they tortured the enemy. It's hardcore but it's just to me

when when you hear what's uh you know a well-researched accurate account of something that happened in our past it's uh it always makes me think like it's hard to even believe that life was any different even though we know it was in 1600 and 1500. It's hard for us to believe. We can't even think about that. We can't even think about what it would be like to live in that time. And these motherfuckers were just riding horses. I was in San Diego last week, and they had some type of exhibit going on,

and this dude had some real bow and arrows, some long-ass man-made. Like real Native American ones? And I almost stepped on it. I just looked at it. I was like, God damn. You know, think about the man. And if you could build a tool like that, you was the shit in the tribe. Yeah, back then.

If you could build a good bow. A good bow and practice that shit on something. I wonder when the bow was invented. When did people first start fucking each other up with bows? Let's guess. You know the Mongols had it. That was in the 1200s. And that was like this.

And it was no gauges or anything. It's just like something that bent was a bow. Yeah. Well, sometimes. I mean, some of them, they were really skillfully made. And they got really good with their arrows, too. And they got really good with their arrows too and they got really good with the the right size and the right kind of wood so they would weigh like a similar amount and there was an art to teaching people how to shoot the bows and arrows but god they

were so crude in comparison to what people have today but back then it was the shit it was the shit. The Mongols, they had a bow, supposedly, according to... Who had a piece on the bows of the Mongols? There was like an article that was written about the bows of the Mongols. What are the bows of the Mongols? Just gigantic fucking bows that they pulled back that were... The Mongols was a tribe the mongols yeah oh the mongols dan carlin's hardcore history has this amazing series on it called the wrath of the con and dan carlin said that their bows were like 160 pounds to pull back and so some guy wrote

an article i can't i cannot remember what it was in but it was all detailing the science behind the bows. But you couldn't lock it or anything. You had to just hold it and then shoot these arrows. That's insane. You stretch it out. You can't aim until you have it stretched, right? Right. Yeah, I'm not good at that.

I don't know how to shoot one, honestly. I mean, I kind of know the principles behind it. I've maybe shot one 10 times. The one I use has a release. You clip the release to the string. It's just an arrow. Yeah, it's a different kind of know the principles behind it i've maybe shot one 10 times ever the one i use has a release you clip the release yeah it's a different kind of thing what they're doing yeah that's what i'm talking about it's called a recurve bow and that guy i mean i don't know what what he's pulling back but i can bet these guys are strong as fuck man and they said they're looking back at the dude is has his bow already back there and some of them had deformities in their skeletons that they believe were were um probably caused by the uh injuries that they got from pulling back these heavy ass bows like they

developed these you know calcified joints and all sorts of weird bone deformities just from pulling back these gigantic fucking bows. It's so hard to pull something like that back. Man. Like a lot of people can't pull back like a 70-pound bow. But you're not just talking pulling back. You're talking about pulling back. And holding it. And holding it.

And aiming. And trying to hit something. Not just like, phew. We're talking about. A hundred times a day 200 times a day and keep going out there to find your fucking bow your arrows and shit like dude missing like shit dude they had to be so fucking strong but they got it done i would have like if i could have a time machine man and just drop down and watch the comanche run down a herd of buffalo and see them.

If I could just be a fly on the wall and watch what it was like to be a Comanche in the 1800s, that would be fucking fascinating to see, man. That would be an interesting eye. Just people living in this really wild nomadic hunter life. They barely even gathered they barely even like ate nuts and and berries and shit apparently they're just hunting all the time yeah and they were they were using all kinds of fucked up methods man they would like the fields on fire and chase them into rivers and shit what the buffaloes yeah yeah wild shit, man. And this is life or death for them, right? If they don't get a buffalo, they don't eat.

Fuck, it is so, there's something about it that's so fascinating. You got to come home with a motherfucking buffalo. You have to. Nobody eats. I wonder where they're like, man, we sick of these fucking potatoes, motherfuckers. I don't think they had many potatoes. There was a lot of buffalo. What vegetables do you think they had?

There was a guy named Dan Flores that wrote a piece about what was happening once Native American tribes started riding on horses and running down buffalo. And they were like, the numbers were getting decimated. They were like, even if the market hunters didn't come along and kill all the buffalo which you know they did they said it would just would have taken longer but these native americans on horses were so effective eventually they were eventually going to wipe them all out crazy i would love to have seen what that was like just to see those people existing like you would like to live that life no no i like i like air conditioning i like food. You seem like you would like to live that life. No. No, I like air conditioning. I like food.

But it seems like you would go like, if it was a weekend of that shit. Oh, well, I've done it on weekends. Really? Yeah, I mean, sort of. Like, I've gone camping and hunting. Sort of. I mean, it's way easier to do than it is to do it with, you know, ancient bows and arrows and shit. That was hard to do.

But there's probably arguably way more animals around back then too. Yeah, them motherfucking animals got shot up, son. Those guys lived their entire life with no knowledge of the Western world. There was many generations where they didn't have any contact, and then all of a sudden the Spanish come here and the French came here, and then all of a sudden it's the spanish come here and the french came here and then all of a sudden so how did it disappear the 1500s i i think they didn't even get horses until the uh the europeans brought them over and then they got once they got horses they just started

kicking everybody's ass especially the comanche apparently it's amazing man this book is it's got me i've all i'm thinking about it all day. Did they take horses? Yeah, they stole horses from people. There's stories in them about them stealing horses from soldiers, didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Comanches came and stole all their horses.

Yeah, they would steal all their horses and leave them to die because you're in the middle of this fucking area with no food, no water, no rain. Good luck. They were just leaving to die and they knew what they were doing by taking their horses and that was fun for them they're like fuck you get these yeah instead of just killing them i mean they could have killed them easy they

decided you know what i'm not we're not even gonna kill you we'll let you slowly run out of food and water you're about 300 miles away from anything to eat see ya good luck and damn that's how they planned revenge and everything hardcore dude that's how they planned revenge and everything hardcore dude that is hardcore they'll just starve like they just that's fucked up it's just reading these depictions of what the combat was like and you know the the raids they did on these settlers uh villages and shit like these people tried to they sold people land in Cherokee or Comanche-infested territory. They gave these people these giant swaths of land. Say, here, build a house.

This will be perfect for you. And they're like, oh, okay. And so they moved in. And then it took control of it? And then Comanches came and killed everybody and took people slaves. Oh, my God. Who was the real estate agent on that deal? Dude, the United States government.

Uncle Sam's. Got your best interest. I don't know who it was that told them to do that. I think it was a homestead act. It was one of those things where they're trying to get people to settle the West. And the way they were doing it was they were offering anybody who would go out there, you would get a certain amount of land for free if you just go out there and you had to farm it for a little.

But then the Comanches, you said, came and took it. They just fucked everybody up. And that's what this story is about at this point. It's fucking terrifying. I want to watch that series, man. I know, right? And Netflix needs to get on it. Somebody's going to get on it.

It just felt too, like, really cowboy. I don't know. That series seems like I could watch that shit. There's a wild romantic connection that we always have to the way Native Americans live. But I've never really seen it depicted in this uh way as this book it's like very fascinating just amazing to to hear like what life was like hundreds of years ago right here damn i mean the change out of nowhere imagine if you looked at the year 1400 and then go back through time. You could go hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years.

Not much changes. It all kind of looks the same. Then all of a sudden, 1500, 1600 buildings, buildings, 19, 2000, 2019, planes,

pollution, infrared, 5G, Occupy Mars. I got a Mars t-shirt on. It all happened so quick. It did. It's fucking cruise ships. What's the size of that boat?

What the fuck is that? Giant boat that can't stop or slow down. They bang into harbors. You just waving at people and just docking that shit. Cleveland, they got a line of those boats they just they just wait on the side when i was in venice the uh boats let out you got some peanuts or something son yeah you're hungry are you hungry no i can use some peanuts we don't have any peanuts but that's a fat bomb that's it i don't want this shit it's good for you i don't want no poor i don't know i know man nobody want those i eat don't want this shit, son. It's good for you. I don't want no pork. It's healthy. I know, man. Nobody want no fucking.

I eat those. Don't say nobody. What do you mean you eat this? What is it? I do. What is it? It's mostly nuts and fats, healthy fats. But a liquid?

No, it's like a gooey paste. You chew it, can't do it. Man, I don't want no of that damn gooey paste, man. Fuck out of here, son. Nah, that's all you, son. That's all you, son. That's all me. I love these

I eat the shit out of these They're called F-bombs Nah man This is salted chocolate macadamia One of my favorites But what is it supposed to do? Gives me healthy energy Okay

Like say if I just need Like a little bit of a snack Like if I'm gonna go work out Or something like that But I wanna eat a full meal I'll have one of these Or in between meals I'm like a little bit hungry

I'll have one of these You in between meals i'm like a little bit hungry oh you just squeeze that shit it's nutrition yep that's not just in a bag that's a free ad for f-bomb i love that shit i'd love like i can't say that without sounding gay but i love nut butter how different from like peanut butter oh my god I thought you were going to say how different from jizz I don't know I mean it's Almond butter is a little different than peanut butter I don't know Nut butter

I don't think they ever expected What do you think is more This is a good question What's more nutritious peanut butter or almond butter Do we know Let's find out let really – what's more nutritious, peanut butter or almond butter? Do we know? Let's find out. Let's Google.

What's more nutrition? Which company makes it because there's going to be added. That's true. That's true. Maybe there's like a pure definition. Maybe by definition or just by fact, almonds have X amount percentage of this or that that peanut butter doesn't or vice versa. I don't know. Almond for the win But most people

Aren't allergic to almonds Not that most people Are allergic to peanuts But I've heard Of more people Being allergic to peanuts Than almonds right Because you always

Hear it on an airplane They have similar Nutritional value Almond butter is Slightly healthier Than peanut butter Because it has more Vitamins, minerals

And fiber Both nut butters Are roughly equal In calories and sugar But peanut butter Has a little more Prote protein than almond butter. So, pretty similar in the neighborhood. Not a giant leap.

But people get, Callan's mom's got an allergy to Brazil nuts, which is kind of crazy. How do you find out what nut you're really allergic to is the question. With some people, they barely survive it. Some people, they're so allergic to peanuts that if they get on a plane they will ask other people on the plane to not eat peanuts they'll say that but you know what i mean i don't know about that i'm pretty sure out of all the times you've heard that announcement right right somebody has had some peanuts on that plane some fat dude Just doesn't give a fuck about the world I don't think you have a flight

Yo Yo Planners bitch He just eats it like this So no peanut dust gets in the air Yeah But he's got peanut breath For the whole fucking flight

Yeah He's He's secretly opening his ears or coughing That's a weird allergy man Nuts Peanuts Peanuts it's a weird one It'll shut the whole fucking plane down

Well it's also a deadly one It's not like an allergy to milk Allergy to milk makes you fart You feel terrible You get lactose intolerance Allergy to peanuts is a serious one That's a death It's like

That could kill you Your face deforming and everything Really? Yeah You know what happens? peanuts is a serious one. That's a death. It's like. That could kill you. Your face deforming and everything, right? Yeah. Is that what happens? I mean, the people that, well, that's, I've seen that allergy reaction to like seafood, but I can imagine it's probably the same type. Wow. There's so much shit that can kill you.

If you really wanted to sit down and freak out, you could. Easily. Easily. You know, that's what's hard in life it's hard to keep your eye on positivity just move forward and purely positive it's so easy to think about all the shit that could go wrong all the stuff that can kill you and all the poisons all the distraction and it's like you say it's easy to think of that but you want to know that stuff's out there right you don't want to be ignorant you have to have some knowledge you have to have i think you should

have um a minimum amount of knowledge and almost and a lot of shit do you hear about this shit that's going down in mexico what's happening where those mormons uh got shot out they got shot up by the cartel then they tried the report, they tried to say they made a mistake. They made a mistake? Yeah, they was like, oh, they think there was a hit went wrong. That was the original reporting. But now it's just a hit. So now they think it's just a hit.

It's not a mistake. Yeah, 100%. And some of the Mormons, a lot of them was like, fuck that. We out of here. They should. They should get out of there. Some are staying. Plagued by deadly attacks, of this mormon community are

i thought that was theo vaughn i was like what the fuck is that why you did it yo yo yo i was like god damn man yo i was like theo vaughn what the fuck he was a mormon bro oh it's the video before it. There he is. That's Theo Vaughn's future right there, buddy. That's him. That's Theo taking a break backstage on his stadium tour. That is fucking Theo. By this time, Theo's doing stadiums. And he's like, hey. We'll say.

That's fucking funny. He's a funny dude, that Theo Vaughn. We'll say. That's fucking funny. He's a funny dude, that Theo Vaughn. Hilarious. He's a very funny dude. He's a unique guy. Like, his funny is very unique. Oh, yeah. He makes, like, if you see it written down on paper, you wouldn't know.

Why is that funny? And then you see him say it on stage, you're dying. It's because it's coming out of him. It's out of him. He's got an act like nobody could rip his act off good luck good luck no how are you gonna what are you gonna do with that you gotta be that you got he's one you can watch him and you're like yeah yeah man no he's one of one theo vaughn's one of one i don't know a number. Hamster bones. He's like that other guy. Oh, yeah.

No, there's no. Nobody says you're like Theo Vaughn. You're right. Right? He's a Theo Vaughn. That's like saying like, you're like Brody Stevens. I've never heard anybody say he's like Brody Stevens.

Shout out to everybody who can't read and write. Y'all could have worked harder at school, but whatever. Hope y'all are doing well. Amen. See, he's all about the lord man he's all about the lord man y'all could have worked harder in school but whatever and you hear it coming out of his mouth yeah i remember he told me the story of why he didn't like black guys coming up because one of them jumped him on the school bus

he was like he's named he was like it was tyrone jenkins right he knew the name and all i could do is respect the story man oh my god yeah he's been fucking that forever he's a hilarious guy he has such a fun time for stand-up man there's so many killers out there right now yeah you know like any night if i go to the improv or i go to the store any night it's just murderers row i saw damon working his new hour oh yeah he's doing his new hour in the lab it's good it's already good the comedy scene now is just it's on fire now and he's damon was he took time off you know so he decided to come back just do these shows have you seen him work it out

yeah it was funny man Yeah he knows how to do a special Always He's ready By the time he goes on stage He's ready But he has a different approach He films every show

Every single show he does He brings a tripod And his camera And he films it And then he watches it And analyzes it Oh he'll get it down People will be interested

To see him too Remember the one special he did The last stand He called it his last stand. When he dropped the mic? Yep. Yeah. Because he was doing movies with Bruce Willis.

Remember he did that? He was on fire. He was on fire. He was on fire. He's always been on fire. Yeah. Yeah, he was on fire. He dropped the mic like, yo, that's so funny.

So does this start off with him picking the mic back up? No. I got money, Sandy. I'm sure it's like this. It would be hilarious. Yeah. It would be hilarious if he started this next special that way. Pick the mic up.

I don't know if he's getting ready to do a special. I think he's just putting together material. It was fun listening to him, though. We were all in the green room of the improv, and we're talking about just stand-up in general, like his approach. He's a guy who works. Always. I have a lot of respect for the way he puts together his shit.

He's not just going up there winging it. He's covering all the bases. He brings a fucking camera. It made me feel lazy. He's got a goddamn camera and a tripod that he's carrying around personally. He's setting it up. He goes home and edits the videos. He puts them all on his computer.

And I'm sitting here going, oh, okay. I'm like, i'm like fuck i'm lazy like i need to get a goddamn tripod nah son everybody got different systems that's true but i when someone takes the watching and analyzing that deep i gotta go hmm he might be on something or the here right that's his thing because don't you think that if you do a set and then you watch the set, it's almost like you did two sets? No, sometimes I watch shit with no sound. Just to see what you look like? Yep. How do you look? I look like I move around a lot.

I look like I'm telling a story. You know what I'm saying? I look like I'm telling a story. Right. You know? I look like I'm around a lot. I look like I'm telling a story. You know what I'm saying? I look like I'm telling a story. Right. You know? I look like I'm fucking telling a story. But if you were going over new shit, right? Like, say if you release a special and then you want to write a whole new hour, you would want as much feedback as you could get, like, personally.

Like, as you're formulating the bit. You know how bits are just in the beginning. You don't know where the fuck you're going. It's a little clunky. It would be good if you could see it, too. Yeah, but, you know how bits are just in the beginning. You don't know where the fuck you're going. It's a little clunky. It'd be good if you could see it too. Yeah. But you know, you feel it more than anything,

you know? Yeah, for sure. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, like I think you have so many thoughts you might want to, you know,

write something down just so you can have all your thoughts in one space, but you feel it. Yeah, you definitely do. You feel it like shit. You start talking about doing it more special you write chunks of material you know and then you know it's one once once you feel good about something you know yeah i was just thinking his method is one step further than mine which is

just listening like i think he's probably that's probably the way to do it if you're going to record your sets you really should record record like you really should have a fucking video of it you know and watch it it's like that level of discipline that's like next level discipline but then what the way he writes is interesting he was like i never really write things down in terms of like write the whole bit out he goes i have ideas exactly i gotta i have to say it and when he's saying he finds the funny i was watching him do this bit it's really interesting because we were talking about it then i'm watching him go downstairs and do it and you know in the 90s

when i was just getting to the store he was like a hero in the in the comedy world you know to be able to work with damon wayans at the comedy store when i was in my 20s i was like this is crazy that's damon wayans from the fucking wayans brothers exactly this the other the other candidate for the greatest sketch show of all time those are my top two oh my god that's the other candidates i'm sitting there working with him at the fucking goddamn comedy store it was weird man that's the weirdest thing man when you're a young guy or a young girl you know you just get into comedy and you you start to break through hanging out with comics that you used to watch right on television you're like oh shit and then you realize it's just like what the

fuck just happened you're like what the fuck it's weird but you get used to it you go oh they're just hanging out with them for a reason though because everybody don't hang out with them yes that's what i'm saying like you're you're you're there's a reason why you're hanging out with them and not everybody else yeah you know yeah at a certain point i mean there's only so many people that are going to get past the store see you at marlin damn man so you was out here when they were really just like the comedy scene was on fire it was interesting it was really interesting it was really black back then didn't wasn't it oh yeah the comedy store was for sure like the the all the killers you know there was fat tuesday that was the biggest room like the biggest promoter room those guy tories and of course joe tory who uh

did deaf comedy jam right so everybody knew the Torre brothers so that was that was it wasn't didn't Tupac pull a gun out at one of those

or somebody with him wasn't there some crazy story from the comedy store about like Tupac almost getting in a gun fight in the fucking main room that could have been

any store that could have been any store in the 90s that could have been any store yeah the comedy store was

wild back then yeah yeah there was there was moments where it was wild there it is guy tory recalls curving tupac at the height of east west tension curving what does that mean uh stopping diffusing oh okay yeah i think there was a some sort of firearm in the premises yeah but anyway it's like then but then other than those guys though, here's the thing that was crazy. It was like, there was a lot of guys that were there that were laid over from like the 80s

that you don't hear from anymore. There was really funny people too. They just, for whatever reason, they just never, never quite caught on for them. And back then, they missed what we have now. Because if you didn't get a television show and you didn't get on a movie, you're fucked.

Yeah, it wasn't nothing to do. There was nothing else to do. It was so few guys. All the road. Just got famous from doing stand-up. Yeah, exactly. Everybody did something else. And then.

And that's over. Yeah. But you wouldn't get fame in New York, but you could make a living in New York. You could make a living in Boston, too. Same thing. You could make a living. You could make a living. It ain't going to be no extreme living, but you could make a living.

You had to have some kind of TV show or something where people would come to see you. Martin had everything, obviously. We just talked about it. Yeah. But most people relied on something else and some of them it just passed them by and then they were in their 40s and 50s and they had never really hit with anything and you'd see them hanging around but it was just like fuck it didn't work out and then this new crop came in after that the new crop came in like the 2000s the early 2000s you start seeing these

new guys coming in and you start seeing like this one, Ari Shafir was already killing at the club by then. He was already doing, like, smaller spots by then. You know, he was, I think he was probably even, I wonder, when did he become a paid regular? Yeah. But it was, you know, it was on the comeback. It went back and forth until now. And now, over the last, like, four and a half, five years, the comedy store is on fire. Now it's not like anything else I've ever seen.

I can't even explain the energy on Tuesdays. Yeah. The whole fucking week is dope, but it's something about Tuesdays. Tuesdays because everybody's off the road. Tuesday just like... Yeah. I think the comedy store owns Tuesday nights right now. Yeah. It's like That I think the comedy Is still on Tuesday nights Right now

Yeah It's a hot night And then the energy The patio energy It's a good spot It's a great spot And then there's Roast battle afterwards

And then Tuesdays A lot of times Jeremiah does that Stand up on the spot show too He does that a lot on Tuesdays On which room In which room He does it in the belly room

He's doing it this Tuesday But I'm at the improv I'm out of here Where am I Tuesday He I'm in D.C. Have you done you done that show which one up on the spot show no you just get blasted you just get as high as you can just have like two or three drinks and then people yell out subjects you have no idea you get this yeah you have no idea fun oh my god every now and then you come up with a bit every now and then that that would be fun That would be a real test

Yeah it's fun That's a real test You would excel at that You need to do that Yeah I'd do that shit You need to do it He does it like one Tuesday a month I told him

Why don't you do it every week What the fuck It's in the belly room right Yeah 60 people Just do it every week man I don't think he wants to I want to do it

He needs to farm it out To like have a bee promoter To just put it around Just have it every week If he doesn't want to do it every week I get it I get not wanting to farm it out to have a bee promoter. To just put it around? Just have it every week. If he doesn't want to do it every week, I get it. I get not wanting to schedule it every week. But that is a good place for the birth of a joke. Oh, my God.

It's amazing. And the audience knows you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Scariest feeling ever. They're like this. Wait a minute. This motherfucker just made this up. And they know you're blasted. Oh, so they get lit? Oh, yeah, I do. I don't do that up. And they know you're blasted. Oh, so they get lit?

Oh, yeah, I do. I don't do that show sober. I have. I'll smoke an L. I don't think I do no alcohol. Well, I fucking, yeah, I will. You never know. Yeah, that sounds like what I'm drinking.

Just a little bit. Next thing you say is like, yeah, let me. Just a little bit. Tito's and tonic to go. Yeah, just a little bit to get the old blood pumping. Get the old don't give a fuck engine cranking. Get it. Go on.

What's up, Jamie? There is a Tupac shootout story. Oh, my God. Oh, so Joey Diaz had it on his podcast. Yeah, he told it on his podcast. Oh, okay. He probably told me about it, too. Yeah, man.

Wow. Tupac came in. He's your friend and got into a shootout. Wow. Tupac came in, he's your friend, and got into a shootout. Wow. Eddie Griffin got banned. Got banned because Tupac got into a shootout? There's still bullets on the Mondrian across the street. Oh, my God.

It spilled out to the street. Damn, son! That's too much to go. Oh, my God. Yo, they fucking got bullets. Now I'm responsible for Tupac getting into a shootout. How crazy were the 90s? Jesus, Tupac.

Him and Tretch from Naughty by Nature beat somebody up in the main room also. Oh, God. Damn. And Guy Torre's night. Jesus Christ. Yo, that night was off the hook. Whoo. I remember that night.

Fat Tuesdays. Do you do Laugh Factory much? Yeah. How do you like it over there? It's cool. Yeah? Yep, I have a good time. I do Chocolate Sundays. I do a lot of J. Davis shows. It's a great room, the way it's designed.'s cool yeah yep i have a good time i do chocolate

sundaes i do a lot of j david shows it's a great room the way it's designed it really is a great room you know um the ice house is a new owner now i heard about people bought the ice house i haven't been or new i think they're gonna just keep it basically the same pretty much and bob is like uh he's consulting for like a year. Oh, yeah? They run smoothly. Yeah. I mean, the Ice House has history.

That's a good room to work, too. Oldest room in the country. Is it? Yep. It started stand-up comedy? It started with like variety acts. And then it went to full-time. It was originally an ice house, like back before they had refrigerators,

and people would buy ice. Oh, yeah? That's why they call it the ice house. And then it became like a variety show place where they'd have bands and they'd have a few comedians, and then they just went to straight stand-up. But I think they went to straight stand-up in the 70s. Is that what it is? 78.

78. And so I think, I don't know. Does that make them the oldest comedy club? It seems like the comedy store was around back then. I think that was full-time comedy then is what this says. The comedy store wasn't full-time in the 70s? No, no, I'm saying the ice house was full-time. What year did the store, was that 76?

Find out what year the store was opened. You ever did the La Jolla store? I love that place. I love that room was there last week that room's amazing that's a fun room so cool i like those people i like san diego people yeah they're real something about san diego people they're like they're they're like less la but more california they're like chill people they are they're like nice californians yeah like you said they're nice but they're not

they're not hollywood they're like all the california with none of the hollywood like regular folks yeah they live in a nice city in california with the great weather but they're not hollywood exactly yeah i went down there and they had some festival going on downtown this restaurant it was nice they're beautiful i love them i love santa barbara too you ever go up santa barbara i don't spend a lot of time in santa barbara bro santa barbara is beautiful it's beautiful it's the same thing not too many people yeah it's like it's nice it's pretty and he's like the uh comfortable the most ergonomically designed chairs yeah this is the comedy store Cheers. Yeah. So it says the Comedy Store opened in 72, April of 72. But the Ice House was running from 1960 to 78 as like a variety show.

So comedians were going the entire time. So that's why it's distinctive as longest ongoing comedy club because it's been going on there. So it's had comedy forever, but it had other stuff as well. Right. Whereas the Comedy Store was only comedy and that was 72 right okay huh and i'm what did they how did what did it take to get a a weekend at the fucking ice house that was probably crazy right oh man well there probably wasn't that many clubs back then right how'd you get work you get a weekend at the ice house many clubs back then right how'd you get work you get a weekend at the ice house shit there's only one club it's not that many fucking um i know they had a shitload of comedians there used to be a

place that my friend adam ferrari used to work at that was in it was in like fuck like westwood or brentwood or something like that that was a clean place. You had to be clean to work there. I know. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know the club. I think they said it's the spot that Leno hits on. Oh, you're thinking of the Comedy Magic Club in Hermosa. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of.

I wasn't thinking about that, no. I was thinking it was a place that Richard Jenner used to work out at all the time. God damn it. I wish I could remember. But I remember Ferraro was working there, and him and I were buddies, and I was in the back of the room going, God, I wish i could remember but i remember ferrara was working there and him and i were buddies and i was in the back of the room going god i wish i could work here because but i'm dirty oh yeah too naughty but those i found them rooms to be challenging too on occasion super clean rooms yeah just to say i could do it it's weird they're weird it seems like they're waiting club

i love that place and when i go there it seems like it's my crowd but i But I've heard people say that they're told they can't talk about certain things. They have a real nice clientele. They've had them forever. They have a certain vibe. And I don't begrudge the guy. That's his thing. And he's never gave me a lot of time. If I ever went, I would understand that going in.

He's the only club that ever told me I couldn't have Joey Diaz open for me, though. God damn, sir. He shut Joey down? He was like, he's too crazy.'s like i love him he goes i love him but i just can't i can't he's a great guy but he's such a great guy joey didn't care joey loves him still yeah he's like i get it i get it i'm talking about eating mufflers i get it i get it and joey just said joey said, give me the food. I'll take the food.

The food is fantastic. They have one of the best comedy club steaks ever. Oh, really? Oh, my God. The food at the Comedy Magic Club, it's like a really nice restaurant. Like, if you ate there as a restaurant, you'd be happy. Really? So the food's very good.

You have to wear a suit? No. Do you? I hope not. There's a castle, the Magic Castle. I think they're- Oh, that's no maybe the castle the magic castle i think they're oh that's different that's the magic castle the comedy and magic that's that that comedy magic club is in hermosa beach the magic castle is in la okay it's in hollywood yeah yeah that's that

i've never been in that one but that one you have to wear a suit i want to go jimmy schubert is a member of that really yeah i can see hellubert, he's very old school. Yeah, he got his fucking, he probably keep a deck of cards somewhere. That's hilarious. Just in case he got to pull out a magic trick. Yeah. Comedy and magic together is a weird combination. When they have those shows at the Comedy and Magic Club, they'll have a magician do 15,

then you do stand-up afterwards. It's real weird. It does it back, but it's, people enjoy it. It's like a cool variety thing. I could do it. I've seen guys, the magician guys, they don't get to go up. So they're just going around the parties just like flipping cards and shit. Them motherfuckers will suck all the women out of a fucking room. With trickery?

Oh, my God, yeah. Why do women like that kind of trickery? They just want to be, I don't know, they just want to feel like, oh! They want to see some sorcery. Yeah, some type of sorcery going on. Magical. Whenever they go, it's like, you see them like, oh! Fairy tales are real.

And that's when you start, shit start disappearing and shit. I've been with fucking David Blaine, fucking took my watch off before. Oh, did he really? Yeah, he do some crazy shit, son. How did he take your watch off? I don't know, man. He just did some David Blaine shit. That makes me nervous.

This motherfucker regurgitated some frogs before. It just makes me nervous that a guy would be so slick, he would actually be able to take your watch off. I know they exist. Yeah. You just said it happened to you. I know other people have said it happened to them he's done it i don't it's a team of them it's always i think it's a team of them i just

i believe it but i've never seen it but i think there's there's levels to everything if you get to some elite world champion gold medalist in the olympics level of watch picking you know i mean some dude like and it's gone yeah like you've seen dudes do shit with their hands when they when they move cards around and it's fucking confusing their hands are so goddamn fast their dexterity when they're moving the decks together and doing that kind of shit i mean there's some dudes have control of their hands that's just off the charts and if they're they're about picking watches they could get you they can get you you just made me look for my watch. I'm like, did you just pick my shit?

Have you ever been pickpocketed? I don't think so. I don't think so either. I've been robbed before, but never been pickpocketed. But I think it's like. What's this? That's when he fucking David Blaine threw up the fucking frog. Oh, where was the frog?

In his stomach. Really? Was the frog dead? dead no it was alive he spit out three of them son what kind of torture is that he swallowed three dead frogs alive but they stayed in there that's what's crazy every day it freaked everybody out in that fucking room bro that takes balls to swallow a frog like what happens if that thing has bacteria in it Or some weird disease And it breaks down in your gut What if you don't throw it up in time

What if that motherfucker don't come back out And he just until he run out of breath Like he's just down there until he can't breathe anymore His watch right there on the right Really While he's shaking his hands he just did it But how did he do it Let me see that again he does

in 10 seconds he's already jiggling it right now you can see him fucking with the strap and it's david blaine see i was fucking with the strap yeah now it's almost undone that's gone wow i was paying attention to that dude that is impressive the way he shook it and it seems like he got his watch. And it seems like he did some sort of a magic trick with the cards, too. I'm sure he might. That's the part of the deception. Because that's what they're stunned by, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a misdirection. When people have that kind of hand control, stay the fuck away from them. That's a dangerous person. Yeah, man, way too much. When do you have time to practice deception at that level? I don't want to get anything from David Blaine. That motherfucker just, look, he just, oh, he gave it back.

Bro, you heard Whitney Cummings bit about magicians? No. She goes, they don't like women liars. That's why you never see women magicians. And I was like,

oh, shit. That was one of those when someone says something, you go, oh, shit. That's true. And you're like, I don't know. That's a good one.

Find me a fucking woman magician. There might be like three of them ever. I don't think they exist. The Women's Magicians Association of America is now outraged. I'm sure there's some women magicians, find me a fucking woman magician there might be like three of them ever i don't think the woman's magicians association of america is now outraged i'm sure there's some women magicians but you don't know what we don't never i don't even know any of them i don't know any of them i know a

bunch of male magicians but maybe i'm a sexist piece of shit yeah i don't understand how no woman has broke them um the the magician right barrier. I think magic as like a Penn and Teller form or David Blaine form, I think it's an incredible art form that's very difficult for anybody. And if it's not in your culture, right? Like if it's not

like a bunch of women, magician guides and mentors that could help you figure it out. It's probably weird for them like who the fuck why they don't have why aren't there why aren't there a lot of female magicians people like magic shows right that's 100 right you ever go see penn and teller it's great i haven't seen them live it's a fucking great show i believe they're they're too professional they've been doing it for a while but jamie what do you think? Why do you think there's no female magicians?

How many of them are there? Let's guess. I just Googled famous female ones, and I have never heard of the top five that came out. Let me see what you got. Give me a top five. I have no idea. I don't even know where to start. Okay, here we go.

Faye Presto. She's probably going, I ain't never heard of you either, motherfucker. Misty Lee. Say that name. Nins Kai. Ning Kai. Ning Kai. Ning Kai, maybe.

Ning Kai. Kristen Johnson. Dorothy Dietrich. Dietrich? Dietrich. Okay. I don't know who those people are either. I have no idea.

They're certainly the assistants. I don't know if there's some either I have no idea They're traditionally the assistants I don't know if there's some Problem with crossover From assistant to Oh like maybe if you have You have assistant And she's like super hot She's like I want to do magic too

You're like baby I'm the magician You're the The assistant Like But I can fucking do it I know how You're like but baby

Nobody's paid attention And then after a while You know she's hot And you're not And he's just trying to keep her. And he's like, okay, okay, okay. Let's try something. Let's try something.

She can do it if she's a magician. She can make anything happen. Maybe if you just taught me with a little more patience, maybe I could do exactly what you're doing, but you're afraid. You're afraid that I'll be better than you. Is that what this says? That's how she would be. I picture her with fiery red hair, a tight waist, a big ass. But I've really never ever, that's so crazy.

I've never seen a female magician before. When Whitney said that joke, I was howling. I was like, ah. That's crazy. That's one of those ones where you're like, oh my God, how come nobody ever pointed that out before? She caught it and she ran with it. It's such a good point too that's why we don't like women liars that's why you've never seen a female magician because everybody has to go oh yeah oh jesus christ what is it there aren't any female magicians you know everybody's have to go

it's one of those things you hear it and you go fuck she's right she is right what other job is there where there's like no females? This is not the reason why, but this is an interesting point. Someone asked this question in an article in 2013, and one person said the reason that some kids get into magic is because they got beat up. It's like they had to find magic, and that's what led them to making friends.

A lot of girls don't end up having that problem. That makes sense. I'm telling you, it's a chick magnet. Right. I could really see that as something for a guy to build his confidence up with. This is what we combine. There's not a lot of money in being a fitness chick on Instagram, sticking your ass out.

The market's kind of flooded, but you could separate yourself from the pack if you're a fitness chick who does magic. Magic with big tits and spandex come on kids that could work that could work magic in like the most revealing ridiculous yoga outfit oh yeah that's crazy barefoot making shit disappear bending over for no reason all the time macklemore says he's a magician now, releasing magic rap album. Good for him.

Yeah, I heard this the other day. I like that guy. Good for him. He's a magician. I bet he could do it. He's going to have magic rap. What can stop someone? Maybe he loved magic already.

What can stop someone from being a magician? That's one of those gigs where kind of anybody could do it. What, a magician? Yeah. I mean, not anybody could do it well. Don't get me wrong. There's a lot of skill to it but I'm saying nothing's gonna stop you from practicing you could get a book you could take classes right you could you could buy a kit right people learn how to do magic nothing can stop you first ever magic rap album interesting what do you

think that could mean anything he wants it to mean. He's crazy. You know, he could do, maybe it's just to get us to talk about it. Not us, but, you know, everybody. I mean. That's what he wants. Something to talk about. Yeah, it's a good marketing move.

He's a brilliant fella. He nailed it. We're all like, what? That's the move. You got to trick people these days. Trick them into anything? Just confuse them. That's almost what he's saying. He's these days. Trick them into anything. Just confuse them. That's almost what he's saying.

He's like, what if I can buy my natural ability? I got to go see my son soon, son. You got to leave? I got to see my son, son. I just came in. Today is one of those days that I drag been on the road. I just came in from Pleasanton this morning, and I came with you, and I'm going back out tonight tonight on the red eye oh it's

a quick in and out yep all right well let's wrap this up then it's like that's the worst thing about the road for me is leaving my son i get it you know i feel the same way not about your son yeah thank god my own kids you know what i mean you're like i'm out and then you just like certain times like you just want to be home I just yeah just a quick visit it's a little upsetting

but I'll be back next week dude we're gonna get this podcast launched it's gonna change your life you promise it's launched we got it

can I say can I just say where I want to be yes please I'm gonna be at the MGM Springfield the MGM Graham

in Springfield I think they have a comedy club there MGM Graham Springfield Illinois Springfield no Springfield The MGM Graham In Springfield I think they have a comedy club there MGM Graham Springfield Illinois Springfield No Springfield Massachusetts Oh okay

And They just announced today That Martin Lawrence The Lit Tour Lit as fuck tour Is coming out Tickets on sale

And I'll be doing some dates Coming this year Beautiful And Degenerates son And Degenerates On Netflix Netflix And the new podcast which is going

to be called too soon you donald rollins show donald rollins show you produced it you already said it son perfect it's real ghetto right now but i'll make it better perfect keep it keep it real all right bye everybody thank you dude that's perfect just do it exactly like that i love it