The Joe Rogan Experience - #1390 - Tim Dillon

Episode Date: November 22, 2019

Tim Dillon is a comedian, tour guide, and host. His podcast "The Tim Dillon Show" is available on Spotify

three two one ladies and gentlemen the president of the megan kelly fan no megan mccain president of the megan mccain fan club she's blocked me no she blocked me and i i didn't tag her in the video because i'm not that that guy right but i did you know i mean i put it out there into the world she She's not thrilled, probably. I know somebody that knows her pretty well, and they said that she is not happy with my depiction of her. She did, though, after the first video, she lost a lot of weight. It seemed like she put it back on.

She did, and I yo-yo with her. So when she gets thinner, I get thinner so I can do her. And when she plumps up, I plump back up. So that's where we're at is that I just kind of mirror her. How uncomfortable. She's, I would, you know, I always, because, you know, sometimes I'll go back to New York to do shows. And I imagine, like, what if I'm in a restaurant and I see her and, you know, what would a meeting be like? Because I have no real ill will. It's comedy it's just comedy yeah she's just she's a big public figure she's a big

public figure and she behaves sometimes in a in a ridiculous way she called herself a self-made woman I mean these are things that are insane yes that's I mean this is uh you know she's not self-made and listen she i love i love that she loves her dad yeah but there's a limit yeah to the constant you know if you want people to forget that your dad is the reason you have the job you can't bring him up every five minutes well you don't you think she's in a real pickle? Because that show is how she makes a living. So she's on that show. Right. So if you're on that show, that's one of the things you've got to talk about.

Absolutely. But I would say if she toned it down a little bit. Tone it down. You can't tone it down, though. See, one of the things about those shows that's ridiculous, like this conversation we're having, it's very easy. It's you and me. That's it. I let you talk.

You let me talk. We talk. We express ourselves. No problem. That's a goddamn battle zone. It's a fight. That's a vagina battle zone. And you have a lot of great intellectuals

that are battling out all the things. Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg. These are brilliant people who we need to hear from. Yes. And they speak in three-minute clips. But I used to like the show when Rosie O'Donnell would go on and start talking about Tower 7. That was great. That was fun.

Yes. That was fun. It can be fun. Yeah. That was interesting when Rosie was doing that. Rosie would just go on and start talking about Tower 7. And it was like, oh, this is a fun morning show. This is ABC morning.

It's a little wacky. Yeah, it's like, I'll get on board for this. Why'd they take her off of that? Did she not get along with somebody? I mean, she... It was a girl from Survivor, right? Yeah, Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Her and Rosie used to fight all the time.

Yeah, she's like one of them hot Fox News fembot type characters. Yeah, I used to do Red Eye on Fox News, which would air at 3 a.m. They would bring in like all these hot blondes would sit in the green room and they would be nice and they'd be like I'm Miss Tallahassee.

And then they would get on Fox Red Eye and then the cameras would turn on and they would start going Syria! And I would be like Syria?

What the hell do you know about Syria? I mean but they would just go and go. Right. And it was, you know, that was a fun show because Red Eye was a show that was on at 3 a.m. Yes. And nobody really watched it. And nothing you said would get recorded.

Like, there would be no clips or anything. So you could kind of just go wild. For a while. For a while. clips or anything so you could kind of just go wild for a while for a while so comedians like me who had no knowledge or background knowledge on anything got to and i would wear like a jacket so you wouldn't know i guess it would say comedian under me but not always and i used to just go on that and just say whatever i wanted to and i'd be sitting next to john bolton and they didn't pay you.

They would just give you a card wherever you were going. And I would just come on and say whatever the hell I wanted. And in a news studio. Yeah. So that was like a funny, but that's when I met a lot of those five.

And by the way, they're all fun people. Oh, yeah. They're all fun people. Well, I think there's a business in being a fembot. And I don't begrudge them. Like, I don't begrudge bodybuilders

who are on Instagram You know I mean like This is my new ab set We'll take you guys through this I don't begrudge them guys either I just think there's businesses And we have to recognize that Look a lot of people

Who are really right wing Like women And they like hot blonde women with big tits who really are not into immigration. They don't like immigration. They hate immigration. But there's like a fucking market for them. It's huge. I mean, Tomi Lahren. I mean, it started, I guess,

with Ann Coulter. Lauren Southern. Lauren Southern. They have a lot of... There's a bunch of new ones now. Attractive women that are... Yeah, I don't follow as closely because it starts to feel like you're in a loop. Yes. It starts to feel like with the news that you're in a loop. Well, the best one, in my opinion, is Candace Owens.

Yeah. Yeah, because they bring her into these conversations and they underestimate her. I've seen that several times. They did a great thing, and I forget who did it, but it was her and Killer Mike. It was a great thing, and I forget who did it, but it was her and Killer Mike. It was a panel that maybe P. Diddy sponsored or something, and it was a panel of thought leaders in the black community. And she was on it. Killer Mike was on it.

And one of the girls from Black Lives Matter. It was a really interesting conversation. Candace is very smart. Oh, she's very smart. I don't agree with her on some of the things she says, but she's very intelligent. Here it is. Killer Mike adds context to T okay this owens revolt sem uh summit yeah diddy was i think in the front row just i'm gonna get accused of being a racist you know what do you mean you can't can't tell the difference yeah um and then candace was also on

something recently where some white woman who was a professor accused her of saying something racist and she shut that lady down so hard yeah because like she was saying she was laughing at something and the woman said the woman tried to check her and shame her for what she was laughing at she's like no no i'm laughing at you wow i'm laughing at what you're saying you should yeah we can't play it right no we couldn't play it if we play it we'll fucking get pulled off of YouTube. But it's, she shut her down. And there was also that Asian congressman. He tried some stupid shit on her, too.

She shut him down, too. Shut him down. Well, he tried to take her out of context in front of her. Like, she was going to defend herself. Well, it's also interesting about people like Candace Owens and people, they just live in a battleground. Oh, yeah. She likes to go to war.

Everything's, they wake up. Knuckles up knuckles up they get on twitter like i could never live like that i'm such a out of bed like nate is she's ready to i could never like to me to get up every day and go who do i got a wreck right i just couldn't do it but she's all you meet her in real life she's like she's a nice lady yeah i'm sure a lot of them are. But they're like, you mean Ann Coulter? They're all very nice. But they're always, you know, they're just ready. They live in the combat zone. But look, we're talking about her and more than a million people are going to hear this.

So she's doing the right thing. She is, yeah. And that's a business. Just like you talking shit about Meghan McCain. Right. It's kind of a business. Right. You don't even talk shit about her.

You're pretending to be her. I'm pretending to be her. I'm pretending to be her. I'm stealing her essence. Ooh, I heard that before. That's kind of what I'm doing. And when did she, how long did she block you? Did you pay attention?

Did you check every day? I didn't check every day, but I think it was somewhere after the first video, which was, you know, a really, really fun one, and she didn't like that. The thing now I'm nervous about

is with all the new YouTube rules, can they just decide to get rid of my account for or to just say it's not commercially viable? You don't have a real problem with that because you're making fun of someone on the right. Interesting. But I do make fun of people on the left. I mean, I did a video

where I pretended to be the agent of the Climate Girl, Greta Thunberg. Because I'm like, you know, I pretended to be like David Hogg's agent. You can absolutely play it. Yeah, play that, play that. Absolutely play it. Is it on Instagram?

It's on my YouTube channel. I'm sure it's on Instagram, but I don't know if it's IGTV or whatever. Because I want to fuck with everybody. So I was like, this girl Greta Thunberg, let's be honest, she has some good points, but it's a little creepy. It's a little creepy.

Well, she's like, how old is she? She's too young for me to say that about. Is she like 14? Yes. She could be 50 too, though. Yes, it's creepy. Something's wrong. I turned on my TV and she was like, how dare you?

And I'm like, well, why are we starting there? But there's something about her face too. It's almost like, did you hear the story about the couple? I think she has a thing, potentially. There was a couple that adopted a child from Russia, and they thought that the child was a little kid. And it turned out she might have been 30. They don't know how old she was.

She tried to kill them. She scared them. It was a fucking horror movie. These are the best stories. They thought they were adopting a little kid, like a little six-year-old. It's a fucking 30-year-old with some sort of a metabolic disease. Yeah, well, that serves you right for trying to be a do-gooder. They'll never do anything again for anybody.

They'll never do one thing. The husband will try to bring it up. She's like, fuck you, Herman. Fuck you. You almost got me killed by that midget. I mean, the idea that there are midgets dressing up as children and trying to burrow into families so that they can wake up in the middle of the night and kill them is truly the funniest thing that has happened in recent memory.

I don't think she's technically a midget. I think she's something else. Well, she, okay. Whatever she was, she has like a growth disorder that keeps her like looking like a small child. Did you see, there was a video recently where it looked like a kid was getting thrown off a bus. I don't know if it was. Yes, yes, yes. And it was just a, was it a, it was like looked like a kid was getting thrown off a bus i don't know yes yes yes and it was just a was it a it was a like a little person he was just thrown off a bus but it was it was it was a scam like oh was it fake yeah yeah we got

ari and i both got duped i got duped because my friend texted me to go there's a pedophile midget that just got thrown off a bus it is hilarious it is the funniest thing ever when when the unzips the hood and you see this like grown-up face there's a woman who looks like what the fuck i don't think they were in on it no i don't think they knew the people on the outside yes i think the guys threw that guy off the bus and that was the scam yeah and then the dude who was the little person in the hoodie he was in the scam and they were on the scam but i don't think the people on the street were in on it so now what happens when the when the when the when when these little people wake up and they're like activated,

they're like, I'm going to kill the family. How do they try to kill them? Well, this lady, she was threatening. She was threatening to kill the family and they were really worried that she was going to do that. She was going to poison them or something like that. I think that's what it was. It's scary stuff.

It's a horror movie. Because, you know, you got to think, who knows what kind of abuse this little kid had gone through. Well, actually, a 30-year-old. Right. As a little kid in Russia, you know, in all these foster homes and foster care. And, you know, they are fucking ruthless over there. It's rough.

It's rough. I imagine it's not the best place to grow up as a person with a disorder. What's up, Jamie? I feel like I'm hearing, are you saying that happened in Russia or was it a Russian kid? It's a Russian kid. Okay, this happened in Indiana. It's actually a Ukrainian kid that was recording this story. That's Ukraine as part of Russia. That's okay, isn't it? It's one of the

former Soviet Union. Yeah, it's fine. They had her for three years before they figured this out. Oh my god. Now what kind of, were those three years nice? Like were there nice memories? It started out good Isn't that odd to look back And be like

Remember when we all went to Disney World? No they were probably like Hey This bitch isn't growing I think they said that she was creepy In the article that I read I think they were actually like They would wake up

And see her like standing at the door Like I think there were things That she did That yeah Very Very bad What does she look like? Do they have an image of her?

I'm trying to find I'm trying to find I saw a like? Do they have an image of her? I'm trying to find one. I saw a picture of her. I saw a picture of her. Does she go to jail now? It was real weird looking. She didn't look like a little person. She looked like a young person. It was very strange.

Yeah. I mean, I hope she finds another family. I hope she keeps doing this to different families because whatever happened in this bitch's life was so bad that she needs to do this let her do it kind of do it to the wrong family you know you feed you to the wolves you do it to the wrong family absolutely um yeah it's it's i worry about that though with youtube because i say is it you build a whole career you build people that are your fans they want to see

comedy and i always thought that like Okay I'm not going to be able to do this on like mainstream TV But these are funny things that I can do There she is look at her Oh my god she does look Okay so it is a little person She looks like a child But strange

It's not like a regular Look at the one down the middle The middle and the lower Look at that That's horrific That one right there That's terrifying Ukrainian child

She might even be 30. But it's also, how is she going to kill you? What's she going to, I guess, in the middle of the night or something? Cut your fucking neck, man. That's true. Bro, there she is, 30. That's creepy. There's something weird.

They thought it was a little kid. Yep. That's so strange. Don't adopt, folks. Oh, my God. Do not adopt. That's so strange. Get that one there.

Yeah. When your cursor's on. Look at that one. That one freaks me out. Because you'd strange. Get that one there. Yeah. When your cursor's on. Look at that one. That one freaks me out. Because you'd be like, something's wrong. You would never think that was a murderous young adult. He's either 8 or 22 that everyone's talking about. I don't think they think 22 now.

I think some people think as old as 30. And I think the youngest they think she is is 16. And there's no records. No one can prove anything. No, they don't know what the fuck's going on. You know. It's going on. You know... It's so crazy. She had periods.

She had adult teeth. Well... Guess what? She's not 12. That's an indication that... I mean, did she never see a doctor in three years? Oh, scroll back up. Hold on a second.

Look at this. She had periods. She had adult teeth. Who alleges that after Natalia began acting out violently attacking a baby boy pushing christine into an electric fence and making death threats the family sought out psychiatric health health care officials including the barnett's primary care physician who performed a bone density test and a clinical therapist who treated natalia believe her to be an adult impersonating a child. Holy fuck. You imagine when you're in the doctor's office and getting that diagnosis.

They do a bone density test and the kids are sitting there. Yeah. It turns out it's an adult. Can you imagine going in and you're ready to hear like she's got cancer or brain damage and she'd go actually you're raising a 30 year old from the Ukraine. Look at this. In 2012 a judge approved

the Barnett's application to have Natalia's date of birth officially revised to September 4th, 1989, officially changing her age from 8 to 22. Shortly after, they rented Natalia an apartment. That's nice. And placed her under the supervision of an Indiana state healthcare provider

so she could receive psychiatric treatment as an adult. That's an understanding family. And then the parents moved to Canada. They left the country. But they rented her an apartment and then left the country. Christine Barnett then moved to Canada with her son Jacob. And they got arrested. An autistic child prodigy about whom she wrote.

Oh, is that the parent? Yeah. It's her parent. Yeah. No, the Barnetts. They're the Barnetts. They're the ones who would adopt. Right.

So Christine's the one that... But she took... So she left the husband and moved to Canada? Yeah, they're divorced now. Oh, well, that'll do it. It's a tough thing for marriage to survive. Yeah, you survive. You rented an adult.

Yeah. You rented an adult who was going to kill you. Pretending to be a kid. Pushing you into an electric fence. I feel like they had a dinner and they said, whatever in our marriage made us think this was a good idea, we should just separate. What do you got?

They got arrested for abandoning her in that apartment. What? The story goes further, I believe. Oh my God. 2019, prosecutors in Tippecanoe, Indiana. That's your number one problem right there in Tippecanoe, Indiana. That's your number one problem right there. Tippecanoe, Indiana. Brought formal charges of neglect against the Barnetts, now divorced.

An affidavit of probable cause from 2014 provided by Refinery29 refers to tests performed by Peyton Manning Children's Hospital in 2013 that seemed to contradict earlier medical reports about Natalia's age investigators at the time found natalia's claims that she was ukrainian child who had been abandoned by the barnett's credible but michael barnett's attorney told the daily mail that the charges had been filed because another couple perhaps convinced by natalia that she was a minor had petitioned to become her guardian oh my my god, she tried to rope another family in. She's good! She's good! Explaining Natalia

was living on her own, and a couple wanted to become her guardians. Thinking she was still a child, the couple tried to overturn the 2012 results. So they tried to overturn her fucking age. And adopt her again. Despite new tests commissioned by that

couple, the court upheld the original result, which maintained that Natalia was an adult. The couple later dropped their guardianship petition once she tried to kill them, too. Wow. Now, where is the- I added that last part. Where is Natalia today? Whereabouts are currently unknown.

Her age remains a subject of much debate. She's touring with Skippy from Family Tops. The Jewish Clowny Clubs in Connecticut. club in Connecticut She's on the Blues Clues tour Jesus Christ I mean, listen You know, that's a guest You want to get a guest? That girl

I would have someone in the room with a gun You sit her on a stack of phone books You might adopt her I might have a gun You might bring her home You might fall for it She might be riding Marshall around the house No, I have real kids Yeah, that's true I know what a gun You might bring her home Uh uh You might fall for it She might be riding Marshall Around the house

No I have real kids Yeah that's true I know what a kid is I understand kids It is wild Do you think Could you ever get duped like that Yeah you could get duped

Yeah If someone's really really really good And you're tired Right Yeah if you're working If you just work too hard If you're working hard You just come

Drink a little bit Maybe you're on some antidepressants That make you a little loopy I wonder if the parents are like How good of parents are we? Right. That for three years we didn't know that we had a 30-year-old psychopath living in our house. Like, maybe we're not the best at this.

She's got a bush. That was the other thing. They found out that she had pubic hairs. Full bush. Adult teeth. Adult teeth. Death threats. Woo!

Death threats. How do you make a death threat when you look like a kid like that? I mean, it's crazy. Like Chucky. He scared the fuck out of everybody. That's what it is. Fuck you, I'll kill you I mean, it's crazy. Like Chucky. He scared the fuck out of everybody. That's what it is. Fuck you, I'll kill you. Dude, Chucky was terrifying.

Chucky was really... People say sometimes I look like Chucky, which is not nice. That's not true. Those people are mean. I agree, but there's a lot of people on YouTube that like to just let it fly. They really like to let it fly. You're not supposed to read that stuff. I know, but sometimes I do.

I don't know about that, but I... You're getting a little too famous to read YouTube comments. I read the stuff, and sometimes it's brutal. Yeah. And sometimes I'll answer... Like, never on YouTube, but sometimes on a little too famous to read YouTube comments. I read the stuff and sometimes it's brutal. Yeah. And sometimes I'll answer, like never on YouTube, but sometimes on IG, Instagram, I'll answer and say something back. One guy said something to me once and I said something back to him. I went because I looked at his page and it was just his chick holding a bunch of other

people's kids. So I said, why don't you impregnate your girlfriend so she doesn't have to run around with other people's kids? So it was wild. And then they deleted my comment. Whoa. Yeah. He was going after you.

He was going after me. I went back at him. And they deleted yours. And they deleted my comment. Wow. This is the world we're living in now. Well, you shouldn't. It was inappropriate for me to go to his page.

Well, it's natural, though. It was wrong, but I did it. It's counterpunching. It's natural. It was just, I was trying to, you know, this is my job. Yeah, you get them. You gotta go. Yeah, you're better off.

Look, I understand people that are sitting in a job somewhere, sitting in a cubicle, angry. And they see someone like yourself or like me or any, and Jamie, I'm sure he gets hate too. Yeah. And they just get fucking angry. Maybe you said something stupid. I say something stupid all the time.

Me too. And then they want to come get you and they want to yell at you or make you feel like shit or say something awful, something really mean. And sometimes it gets you. Sometimes it'll get you.

But I would rather give them that. This is what I feel. I'd rather let them. Let them have it. Go say it. Take your shot. No, but this is how I feel. It's not personal.

Right. Like, I get it. Like, I used to be me. No, but this is how I feel. I'm not, it's not personal. Right. Like I get it. Like I used to be me when I would, I mean, I used to be you when I was, uh, young and coming up, but there was no internet to do this. If I had the internet, I guaranteed you, I would have said some horrendous, ridiculous shit on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube comments. No doubt. We all would have.

Everybody would have. I don't want to read them. I don't want them to upset me. And I don't want to be upset at them. And if I see them, I don't want to know they said it because it's not real. It's not real in that it is their real thought and they did write it, but they don't really know me.

And a lot of it is just, it's fun. Sometimes I'll just respond to somebody and they did write it but they don't really know me right and their thought and a lot of it is just it's fun sometimes i'll just respond to somebody and they'll go hey and they'll totally like they'll say something nasty and then i'll respond and then they'll go hey just kidding love the podcast normal and it's just like oh they just want interaction yeah and that's why they said that i look like a potato skin well they're just fucking people are angry man most people's lives suck yeah a lot of people it's not great right now. No. And even if it was not, even if the economy's doing better, the vast majority of people are not doing what they want to do with their lives.

Yeah. And most people at some point in your life have experienced, and I'm sure you've had jobs like that that are fucking terrible. Absolutely. We've all been there. We've all been there. And that feeling of frustration When you see someone on YouTube And it's so easy

To just say something gross And mean We all do it as comics You know Because we'll see somebody We'll see the trailer For somebody special Or whatever

And we'll be like Ugh You know Oh yeah And it's like We shouldn't be focusing on that But it's too much It's a lot of fun

Yes To commiserate with people Yes In the shared hatred of something And when someone's doing well, like yourself, your videos start picking up a little steam, people start recommending it,

it's fun to shit on you. Yeah, absolutely. Fuck him, he's not funny. That Meghan McCain doesn't even sound like her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. My favorite comment is just when someone will write, he's fat.

That's my favorite comment. Someone will write, he's fat, 300 likes. Thank you. I appreciate that he doesn't even sound like her right yeah that's a terrible impression right sounds like him right yeah i went to see uh well i was working with uh otto and george way back in the day yeah london island guys right oh yeah yeah and we were uh we were working at uhfields in Manhattan. Yeah. And some lady, he's, you know, he would,

Otto had a puppet named George, and he would do the, you know, he would work the puppet, and the puppet would say fucked up things, and Otto would be like, hey, how are you saying that? That's terrible. And I remember this lady going,

his lips are moving. Right. Because he didn't even try. He was like the worst ventriloquist like he was never trying to just he wasn't trying to do that at all he moved his lips and she couldn't even concentrate on the jokes yeah the puppet was saying the most horrendous fucked up ridiculous jokes and she was like his lips are moving yeah Yeah. Yeah. They were amazing, man. That, to me, is so funny how somebody could just key in on something like that while the entire audience is laughing and having a good time.

Everyone's having a great time. His lips are moving. It's not real. Yeah, right. She thinks she's focusing in on the important part. And then everyone else is wrong. Right. The other 300 people that are dying on the floor

are wrong. By his mouth, you see lines. The mouth is on a hinge. The mouth goes up and down. You can see where the lines are. It's not a real mouth. I love it. That's fake. What we do, and you know, you're obviously in the big, big venues now,

but I was just in a club this past weekend and it's like, it's an interesting time in the country to get a bunch of people in a room, pour alcohol all over them, and just let them go. Because no matter what I say, if I say Trump, and my act is not political, but I'll mention things that are going on. There's jokes. And as soon as I say Trump, some of the crowd will go, woo! And some of them will start booing.

And I'm like, yeah. And I'm like yeah and i'm like guys that's not this i'm just here to make a joke about yeah this yeah yeah so this isn't a rally i'm not taking your temperature it doesn't matter and they just they're hammered and they're ready to just let you know where they're at yeah you know it's just like a it's a weird time for discourse right it's a weird time for for people things out, too, because people think their opinion is more important than it's ever been before because of social media. Right.

People are used to expressing themselves. Right. And some crowds now, I think there's just some perverse pride in putting you through it. Yeah, a little bit. Where I'll be like, you guys are animals. You're a fucking animal. There's a huge applause break.

Yay, we got you. I was like, where did they hand out tickets to this show? an urgent care you know they love it they're clapping you know yeah so well they're looking for something that's different than most of what you're getting on television and in websites you're getting this fucking politically correct woke nonsense right and people are rejecting it look charlie's angels fuck you terminator don't want it fuck you yeah get woke go broke yeah that's what it is saying now they're like they're done with it yeah they're done yeah people are sick of it and this business people don't realize the business we're in doesn't have

a soul they don't care so eventually it's going to swing back the other way oh yeah because money yeah it's money yeah joker did great yes these things do well yes and that's a fucked up movie it's a fucked up movie and it was a fucked up movie, and it was great. It was great. I mean, look at Roseanne. 25 million people tuned in to the premiere of Roseanne. Do you know how much money that must have cost ABC to fire her for that? A lot.

It was so dumb. I mean, it took me a while to convince her to come on the podcast. She was supposed to do it a long time ago. Dude, we had fucking camera crews trying to get to my house. Crazy. We had camera crews outside our old studio where we used to be. It was madness, man. I mean, it was crazy.

And that one thing, by the way, is extremely insulting and fucking stupid and archaic. Do you think you just find me? I'm going to talk to you? Right. Do you think you put a camera in front of me now? Your fucking rudimentary interview skills? Yeah. You're like oh you got me yeah oh well here here let me give you my statement here i'll give you the scoop fuck you i'll stay a bunch of shit you can't talk you can't put on your air do you will you just walk by them i'm like i'm not interested in talking

to you right yeah this is not how it works you don't just show up to get an interview you schedule it through right there's like a channel there's proper channels yeah you know how to do it they know how to do it they just think they're going to be like this is news you guys are archaic you're not even real yeah it's like you guys are fucking shaman and does anyone care does anyone is there real money in that anymore is there real money in justin bieber having sushi does anyone care oh i'm sure some people care with the websites there's a lot of clicking on tmz makes a shitload i see other comics sometimes they take pictures with famous people and I go, what are you doing? Stop doing that.

Stop doing that. No one wants that. They do it for the gram. The worst thing in the world, you have just a picture with a famous person that's miserable. I was going to ask you for a picture after this. Yeah, it's like, let's not. Let's not. It's the worst thing ever. I yell at friends. I go, don't do it. Don't do it.

Well, people like to be associated with someone who's cool. Yeah. get a picture with josh homie from queens of the stone age it's like a cool thing i guess me yeah but these people are pulling out people that were like 90s sitcoms they'll just pick a guy out of an audience it was on like homicide life on the street right and they'll be like hey it's me and i'm like let him be it's iced tea yeah let this iced tea has been a cop longer than he's been a rapper. He's been a cop forever. Isn't that so weird? Remember, I'm a motherfucking cop killer.

Yeah. He had a song called Cop Killer. He's just a good TV cop. Yeah. You know? That show's got to be soul-sucking, though. Yeah. I bet you just can't wait to spend money.

I think after a while, it becomes just a routine job. It's like anything else, and no one cares anymore. There's shows that we all as comics do that are just routine jobs you know things we just show up and they're like okay here we go and hear the topics and make some jokes and then it's like boom boom boom i know but at a certain point in time you got to be planning your escape you got to have enough money like when i was on like season five of fear factor i remember thinking i don't know how much longer i can do this. What was it about it that was, it was just too much repetitive? It was the same thing over and over again. We did 148 episodes.

Right. It was just, after a while, it was just like, Jesus Christ, how many animal dicks can you serve people? Right. How many times can you throw them off buildings? Yeah. Yeah. It's enough.

It's enough already. It was just, um. There's no amount of money to get you to come back to do that or something like that. I did come back in 2011. I came back. But I didn't have as much money back then. And also, it was a lot more money than I got the first time. It was like a big deal because they were good.

I think it was. I honestly don't remember about the money part. But it was a big deal that it was going to come back, but I immediately regretted it. Like immediately. I was like, oh my God, I have a job again. What the fuck did I do? But I was just having children then. Yeah, you wanted to.

Yeah, my kids were real young and I was like, I need like... When you have a kid... I had an older daughter, but I was already paid for most of that. Do you have to think about two children? And you think about two children that are, at the time, two and one. You're like, oh my God, this is serious. Yeah. You have 18 years.

Yeah, I have to make a lot of money. And then I think all the money I squirreled away from the original season of Fear Factor, that took care of my family for a long time, and it'll probably be okay. But I felt like this overwhelming responsibility to squirrel away more money. More, more money. But then once I started doing it, I was like, oh, my God, this is a mistake. Yeah. This is a mistake.

You're like, this is crazy. I'm like, I don't like it. It's not fine. And then we got canceled because we served people jizz. Was that the final straw? Yeah. They had to drink Donkey Cum. And that was too much.

That was it. Interesting. TMZ saved me. That was when you had the moral majority back then, and this was a problem. That's when all the censorship came primarily right from right-wing groups. Sort of, yeah. Was it the Obama administration? Oh, this is the return.

Okay. But what it was was the show had to get more and more extreme and it was very dangerous like it was freaking me out right because um they were taking a lot more crazy risks like one of them you had to uh you had a set of keys and you had your partner was handcuffed to a tree and they were attached to a bungee cord that was attached to a fucking helicopter. Okay? And the helicopter had this bungee cord taut, and they're flying in the sky above a giant canyon. I mean, way the fuck up there, right?

So you got these keys, and you're working these keys, and the idea is the first person to get the key lock open, right? You unlock the thing, and then pshom! The person goes shooting into the sky. And I remember seeing them going, what if something snaps? What if if something breaks what if we watch someone fall to their death like what the fuck are we doing you know you just have a bunch of executives going they just make a face you know they would just go yeah not great i had a joke about it that they were going to kill us all and then gun it's down and then blame it on the terrorists don't let the terrorists take away your fear factor right now back with mar right. Now back with Mario Lopez.

And I would just joke, I was always joking around how Mario Lopez was going to replace me. Did you ever feel weird morally about it because you have these people that are coming in

that are putting themselves in these positions? No, because I would have done it. Right. I would have done it when I was broke. I would have eaten an animal dick. Yeah.

I would have let you throw a puke in my face. Right. There are people that we know will do it now. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, everybody that works at the store. Yeah, we'll all do it now. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Everybody that works at the store. Yeah.

We'll all do it now and a lot of us have money. And there was the idea that they could do that and you know and move it on to a career. The only one that's actually moved it on to a real career

is Michael Yeo. Michael Yeo was on season one of Fear Factor. Episode one. Episode one. Interesting. Is he a comic? Yeah he's a comic now.

He's a comedian now. He's doing really well. Oh that's wild. Just filmed a special. He's a really good guy too. That's great. Really funny. He's hilarious comedian now. He's doing really well. Oh, that's wild. Just filmed a special. He's a really good guy, too. That's great. Really funny. He's hilarious.

Very smart. So some people can start on Tear Factor. 100%. Yeah. One. At 148 episodes, three people per episode. Yeah. I remember I tested for a reality show on Food Network, and they had me on set for about

an hour, and they were like, yeah, this is not. I said I said like three things into the camera camera and they go, none of this will ever, this is not going to work. What did you say? Well, they were just basically like, it was called hot spots. And they're like, tell us what you think a hot spot is. What's a real cool hot spot?

And I was just like, a hot spot is when I try to get into it, the maitre d tells me to kill myself. And then they go, okay, well, let's do the joke again, but let's not say kill yourself. I'm like, well, that's the joke, right? So they're like, just maybe say something like, when I try to get in, they say no. And I'm like, yeah, but that's not funny.

So then we just tried to work around it a bunch of different ways, and I would just keep saying things, and you could tell they were just getting frustrated. Networks like Food Network love the idea of comedians. They're like, we love the idea of having a comedian come in to spice it up. And then when they get a real comedian, they're like we love the idea of having a comedian come in to spice it up and then when they get a real comedian they're like

we don't want that not the type of comic that I am they want a comedian with like three tracks yeah they want like a real down the middle

goofy not a lot of lane changing because I was making fun of like we had all the archetypes of the Food Network like we had the fat southern woman that was supposed to be

Paula Deen and she came in she's like have you ever had a redneck grilled cheese and I said this woman's gonna explode on set and I because they said that was supposed to be Paula Deen. And she came in. She's like, have you ever had a redneck grilled cheese? And I said, this woman's going to explode on set. Because they said you can be playful with each other.

So I said, this woman's going to explode on set. And they go, wait a minute, hold on. And I'm like, you said we could be playful. We had the Asian woman who was like, she just talked about wellness. She was like, I want to be whole, and I want to be one, and I want to be wellness. And then so every, you know, you had the to be wellness. You had the guy, Fieri. There's a million chefs that think they're Bourdain.

They think they're profound, but in reality, they're just making fucking grilled cheese, and they have tattoos. But other than that, so we had a bunch of those chefs who were like, I'm a hard partying. I've seen it all. I've seen it all. I've worked on the line. It's like, shut up. You've made gnocchi.

Bourdain, with Kitchen Confidential, he changed what a chef is. He changed what a chef is, but most chefs are not that. And the reality is, is like, you hear people now that travel around the country and they think that they're like, and I love Bourdain. Bourdain did a brilliant show, but sometimes Bourdain's show was interesting because like he'd be sitting with a family in Turkey and they'd be like, well, we haven't seen our daughter in two days and we don't really know where she is. It's a revolution.

And then they would start talking about hummus. And I'd be like, what happened to your daughter? What's going on? Why are we talking about figs right now? There's a revolution happening. This whole idea that like food, like I think Bourdain was a genius, but the people that have succeeded him haven't done it well is anybody doing it that way where they're traveling around the gordon ramsay they were talking about him doing something but the backlash was immediate and fierce yeah because people were

thinking that he was going to try to replace bourdain right but if he stays in his wheelhouse his hell's kitchen and doing all those shows that he did before everybody would have been fine with it right but they were like hey fuck you he's gonna come yeah imagine doing No Reservations now or

what is the new show what was it Parts Unknown Parts Unknown imagine it's like Parts Unknown with new host Tim Dillon no it would not work

it would be fucked they would come get you yeah no it would be a problem and it's also like he was a really brilliant guy. Like most people that like, you're like, oh, we're eating food and learning about the culture. It's like, you're really not.

You're just having dinner. He actually was. He was. Yeah. Because he was curious and interested. But most people that are like, that are, it's just a lot of people are pretentious. Yeah. And they think that they're learning about the culture through food.

We're learning about the culture through dining. And it's like, you're not really. You're eating in a resort. You're not going anywhere outside of the resort because you would get harpooned. So you're eating in a resort. And then there's a black SUV that takes you back to the airport. It's bulletproof. It's bulletproof.

You have armed guards flanking you on each side. You know, the one time that you didn't have that, I was on the Impractical Jokers cruise, which they have a cruise. They do a cruise. and they're great guys. And a bunch of comics came on to entertain people that were waiting to see them. People waiting to see them. But we would come on and go, hey. And they would think it was them and they'd be like, okay, it's this guy.

And there were fun audiences and everything. But then the cruise would dock and you would go to this little town in Mexico that was like clearly didn't exist. It was just like, you know, yeah. All these cruise lines had bought just a certain amount of beachfront and made it a town. Yeah. And they do this. It was called Costa Maya.

They, they literally do this and you know, you would walk onto this beach and then literally they would like drive you to the little tourist area, but you would just see people running around with bare feet, roosters. I mean, it was like you would drive through like literal and crazy poverty

and you felt horrible because you were just on a boat that had 30 chefs. You were just on this disgusting boat with a 24-hour buffet where people are gorging themselves. And then you go to this island where like people's bones are protruding out of their body. So it's a weird thing when you mix those worlds of food, travel, and education. That's often how it is, though. If you stay in a resort in a country like Mexico. I was in Punta Mita.

Yeah. The Four Seasons. Beautiful resort. Yeah. It's so pretty. I've been. They have these golf carts. Yeah.

And you just ride the golf carts around the resort, right? Yeah. Well, we decided to take the golf cart off the resort say like what what happens we go down this way so we talked to the guy at the booth we said can we go down this way he's like um yeah i mean you can sure i'm like okay yeah so we go down this way me and my fucking wife and our little kids in the golf cart yeah i think the oldest daughter was with us too and we we go into the town and um as we're in the town um we notice that there's a fucking armored vehicle with like a tank jeez with with metal plate on the front of

it with guy with a machine gun standing on top of the fucking tank like in like a turret right and and then like ready to rock what were you at staying at Hotel Rwanda? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They have it set up to protect the resort. Oh. And I realized, I'm like, oh my God, this is a military base to protect the resort in case some shit goes down. Wow. This is crazy. That's crazy.

They were sitting there ready and waiting. Just sitting on the tank. Yeah, mow people down. Ready to go. Just in case they had to drive a few, like a quarter mile in towards the resort. That's wild. Because you got to realize, like, I mean, when we were there, fucking Halle Berry was there and all these famous folks were there.

Like all these fucking- Yeah, so they don't want that in the news. Oh my God. They don't want Halle Berry's head on a pike being walked around that town in Mexico. So that doesn't do anything good for the numbers. No. Well, you saw what happened with that Mormon family in Mexico. What happened?

No. Every now and then, something bad, Mormon family in Mexico. What happened? No. Every now and then, something bad, somebody goes somewhere and they just- They gunned down this family. They gunned down this wife and children and girls. Weren't they missionaries, though? Yes. Which is sad, but it's also like- No, no, no.

Not missionaries. They lived there. Oh, okay. What they is is what they is. They branched off from Utah in the 1800s when they changed the polygamy laws. And they started up these colonies in northern Mexico. Because back then, in the 1800s before cars, it really didn't fucking matter if you lived in Mexico or the United States. Right. Like, it was just kind of the same.

You're on a horse. You're on a horse. It comes out for open borders. Here we go. There's the clip. Maybe it'll fix everything. Right. So, Mitt Romney, his family is from mexico interesting yeah mitt romney's dad

was born in mexico they seem like the least mexican people ever they're mormons wow but they're mormons who wanted 150 wives they just wanted to go on a wild fuck fest for jesus and the only way to do that is over the border you got to go over the border so they set up these towns so they set up these fucking compounds mormons mormons with guns in mexico yeah over the border. You gotta go over the border. So they set up these towns. So they set up these fucking compounds. Of Mormons. Mormons with guns. In Mexico. Yeah, over the border, in Mexico, northern Mexico, and apparently, um, they, the

cartel and them had beef and they put out a fucking hit on this family and they shot down the wife, the daughters, I mean, it's just horrific shit, man. Interesting, and I think, I think this was recently, right? And I think, a couple weeks ago, and Jamie, there was an article, I mean, it's just horrific shit, man. Interesting. They killed a bunch of them. I think this was recently, right? A couple weeks ago. And Jamie, there was an article recently.

I think there was an article that people said was kind of like victim blaming, where the New York Times ran it, where this family had a violent history. Oh, God. Did they really say that? Yeah. There was a New York Times article about this family. I'm remembering it now, where they were basically like, this family's had a long violent history, or their name has been synonymous with violence, which is an interesting article to write right after they were massacred. Well, sometimes you read articles that are written and you just go like, do you remember when Baghdadi died? Yeah.

They killed Baghdadi and they said there was a Washington Post called him an astute religious scholar. That's hilarious. You're like, he's the fucking head of ISIS. They threw gay people off the roof. Right, right. Yeah. It's also weird though that we're, I don't even, like when they're like, we the fucking head of ISIS they threw gay people off the roof right right it's also weird though

that we're I don't even like when they're like we killed Big Daddy it's like who's Big Daddy again Big Daddy Big Daddy

who's this what no one it's you know what it's like it's like if you're paying attention to like

division two college school baseball players yeah I can't pay attention it's like we gotta get, I can't pay attention. It's like we gotta get over,

we can't live in the psychic terror of ISIS forever. Remember ISIS, they used to just release a lot of content online. They would saw people's heads off with those rusty things. It looked like they were doing it up the block in a warehouse in Studio City, to be quite honest. I'm sure they were.

I'm sure that CIA wasn't doing that. But it was a little weird. Like these videos would drop and then then everybody would be riveted, and then they would just start beating the war drums again. They'd be like, it's time to – we've got to go to war. Look at these people. They're doing horrible things. And then that hasn't happened in a while, so we're not even thinking about ISIS.

Well, there was – They trot ISIS out when they need to invest us in something. Well, there's not that many of them realistically anymore. Yeah, I remember. They're still plotting shit, but their numbers have been diminished pretty substantially. Yeah, I think you've said it on this show, and I had a guy on my show, this guy John Kiriakou, who was a CIA guy who said, listen, we had decimated Al-Qaeda within a week or two of being in Afghanistan. Yeah.

I wanted to bring this up with you because this is a conspiracy that I just remembered while we were talking about this. Do you remember when there was a journalist that was murdered? Daniel Pearl. First guy to be beheaded. Correct. And the conspiracy theory was he was beheaded by someone who was other than, was it from Iraq that they were supposed to be? I believe so. Was it Taliban that supposedly did it to him or some other sect?

I'm trying to think. I don't think it was the Talibaniban i think he was in daniel pearl i think was in iraq right he was in pakistan and he was i guess it was taliban or you know but what the the conspiracy theory was they were paying attention to the size of the men who were behind him yeah and they were like this this does not fit with our profile of pakistani or muslim men this looks like an american he looks like a big country fed fucking american assassin right and that they did this sort of as a false flag right so it was just a guy that looked like brendan shab standing behind daniel pearl yeah like you and brendan shab yeah just sawing off his head. Yeah.

They were like, the hands are too big. I'm sure he would for a SAG card. Anything. For anything. For free dental. Just free dental we would do it. But they said the hands were too big. Like the guys were too thick. I mean, remember all the photos of Bin Laden?

A lot of different photos of Bin Laden popped up. It was like nine different guys. Yeah. It really did look like it was like not the same person nobody in the seal community has ever given me a straight answer whether or not they believe the official story well they all died right seal team six no no the guy who killed him is is alive yeah he's been on tour aren't a lot didn't a lot of people in seal team six die they died after that in a crash yes yes yes i mean it's odd what tour. Didn't a lot of people in SEAL Team 6 die? They died after that. In a crash?

Yes, yes, yes. I mean, it's odd. What are you saying? I don't know. I mean, it's just strange. Are you going tinfoil hat on me? I'm just saying this could, you know. Because you love tinfoil.

I mean, I think. You're a fan. I think right now, with what just happened with Epstein, people are, you can't get away with this stuff anymore. Well, what happened with Epstein, this is what I like about it. Yeah. It was so blatant and so outrageous that people go, hey, maybe they did fucking kill Kennedy. Yeah.

Like, yeah. They absolutely did. Maybe they fucking did. They were doing shows in Fort Worth, and I was looking at these audiences, and I was going, they'd kill him again. Yeah. They'll kill him again. Give these people a couple of shots of tequila another shot goes right to kennedy's head well if there was another one

like kennedy like right let's think if someone took over after trump and this guy was trying to get rid of the nsa and get rid of the cia yeah and and you know and then there was some sort of industrialists and there was something the mafia fucking got him into office in the first place. 100%. They were like, hey, you fucking piece of shit. Yeah. We're the reason why you're here. We rigged Chicago for you. And so then he has this military blunder, the Bay of Pigs.

And so then the military's after him. Everybody's hangry. He says he wants to splinter the CIA into a thousand pieces and give all like peacetime intelligence gathering capability to the military. If we had someone like that. Yeah. Some guy like that. And by the way, he was fucking everything that moved too.

Yeah. I mean, and he was doing drugs and everything. You know, he was enjoying himself. He was on meth. That's crazy. They had a doctor, Dr. Feelgood. That's where the name came from. And they would go-

The fucking Motley Crue song? Dr. Feelgood. Dr. Feelgood. Yeah, good. And it was Kennedy's doctor? Yes. Wow. Yes.

That's when being president was a great job. Well, they all were on it. That's how they fucking got the partyick. Dr. Phil Goodick. Yeah, good. And it was Kennedy's doctor? Yes. Wow. Yes. That's when being president was a great job. Well, they all were on it. That's how they fucking got the party moving. Yeah. Just meth heads. You're busy, man. You got things to do. It's hard.

Yeah, it's true. I mean, listen, this is the argument for Trump being on amphetamines right now. Yeah. How the fuck else are you going to run a country? Yeah. You have to be a little amped. A little amped up. He's definitely amped.

He's got a little piece of something. But I i like seeing him i like seeing him you know when he goes big what is it sidebar uh south dakota today started a new uh campaign anti-meth campaign but it is uh on meth.com and meth where on it is the slogan that oh my god over 450 grand i mean there's not anybody what there's been how much 450 grand of taxpayer money to figure this out oh my god over 450 grand i mean there's not anybody what has you spent how much 450 grand of taxpayer money to figure this out oh my god this is why people hate the government because nobody was able to stop this and say hey this is not the best this is the dumbest fucking ad campaign i've ever seen in my life meth we're on it that sounds like a fucking onion article it's like a rap song bad rap song this is so does it seem like an Onion article? I love what it says. It goes,

South Dakota has a problem. There isn't a single solution because meth is widespread, but we can approach it from different angles so it doesn't take over counties, towns, neighborhoods. Let's work together.

Meth, we're on it. God. What's up with that fucking brown water? Turn that back up. Put that back on. How about you fix that fucking toilet water

you got your kids swimming around and look at that water it's disgusting yeah meth is probably more than one problem yeah meth is not even in the top 10 problems in south dakota meth is what you need to get on to fix the other problems in south dakota the whole town council's yeah you need to start cleaning but epstein they just charged guards i mean this is hilarious yes yes. This is a very funny comic. Nick Mullen on Twitter was like, oh yeah, this is the justice we all wanted.

The guards. Well, no, here's what's good. Not the... Two prison guards tasked with watching Jeffrey Epstein on night he killed himself. That shit fucking charged with falsifying records. And conspiracy. And conspiracy.

Here's why that's good. Somebody paid those guys, and they're going to sing, or they're going to die. Something's going to sing, or they're going to die. Something's going to happen. Either they're going to take those guys. I think it's a way to satiate the public. I don't think there's, I mean, I don't think that Barr, the Attorney General, has any real desire to get to the bottom of what happened.

I mean, this is clearly, obviously, sexual blackmail. Epstein was involved with intelligence, whether it's U.S., whether it's Mossad, it's somebody. His island was a honeypot. He had powerful people in compromising positions uh he was an probably like an access agent where he would give these intel agencies access to insanely powerful people ex-presidents people like that so there if you don't want to open up that wound because it's just gonna it's never gonna stop bleeding and guys like bar who are in you know this is a guy that's participated in multiple cover-ups he you know i don't think he has any really interest in he's a lifelong government official you could say deep state

you could say whatever it is but he's just a career his job is to protect the interest of these power factions in was, these government agencies. There's no way they open this up. And there was no way that they could have had Jeffrey Epstein in open court pointing fingers at maybe prime ministers and presidents. It would tear countries apart. It would be the biggest political scandal in our lifetime. I just can't believe they just murked him like that, though.

They didn't just murk him. They murked him twice. Here's what I want to know. When he tried to commit suicide suicide the first time were the cameras broken then too great question i don't know how can we never heard that well we we didn't see any footage of him i've never seen any footage of him in his cell i mean they haven't released any footage of the cameras ever working right i mean from what i can know but did they even comment on it remember the first time that he attempted to commit suicide?

I think they got it. Yeah. I don't know. That's a good point. I mean, I think they found him. They transferred him. I don't know if they have photographic evidence of him doing that. Google what happened the first time Epstein tried to kill himself.

Because that's an interesting thing. And where is... Yes, a very interesting thing. So do they know for sure? Did they watch the footage and see him tying a rope rest? And then they went in and go, next time you got to do it like this.

You tie the knot stronger. You take off from the chair. My favorite thing was the cellmate. The cellmate that they gave him. Oh, yeah, which is like a long... It was a cop who... A gorilla cop from Westchester. Huge, huge skinhead looking dude

italian guy coked out giant muscles yeah killed a bunch of fucking people and sold drugs just just him and epstein and they got along he was so he was like the like hollywood stereotype of the last guy you would want and you'd want to be in a cell with. Big guido, ex-corrupt cop with giant muscles. Yeah. This is monster. And connected to the law. I mean, it's just like, if that's the guy, I mean, that would be the guy that, maybe

he's the guy who killed him. Who knows? I mean, he's a giant fucking guy. I mean, guys like that, I'm sure would take a bribe pretty easily. And those guys don't open their mouths, you know? Just for fucking cigarettes. Yeah, why not? Yeah. I mean, he can't open his mouth he's in jail right they got him locked up and they go look and who knows in late listen if they come on right tommy do this you're

here forever you like killing people i think they gotta watch the i don't know if they can do this but they gotta watch the bank accounts now obviously the people that are paying off people are pretty smart yeah there's ways to hide money but somebody got paid off substantial amount of money yeah somewhere somewhere that might not have you don't think so this is a weird one like this one this one involves so many people money might not have been passed around right you know what i mean like somebody just might have called in favors for this yeah where is he just hide yeah where is just lane maxwell oh that bitch is in Brazil. Yeah. Somebody said she was in LA.

Yeah, she was in LA at an In-N-Out burger with a fucking book. And they staged a photo. About murdered CIA agents. Yeah. And they released a staged photo. And I don't know what the fuck. She was thinking like, oh, America will forgive me if they see I'm eating fast food. I don't even understand.

No, no, no, no. She was trying to release a message. Oh, okay. Yeah, she was reading a book about CIA agents that have been murdered. Yeah, but what's the point of that message? She's trying to say he's a fucking intelligence agent. Right, yeah. That was something that was actually said by, was it one of the attorney generals? When they were prosecuting his initial-

Acosta. Alexander Acosta said Epstein would belong to intelligence. Yeah. Well, if you just look at, this has happened- There it is. Yeah, there's a photo. So, does it show the book? There's another photo.

I think you can see the side of the book. Okay. But they also added in that movie poster. That's right. Somebody swapped out the movie poster.

They photoshopped. They took advantage of this opportunity to promote a fucking film. Wasn't it the Seth Rogen movie? This is an interesting product placement in the background of a human trafficker having a sandwich. At least she's got good taste in food. She's getting good brand deals.

She's got an old iPhone, so she's struggling a little bit financially. It's very interesting. She's not on the new iPhone. That's a burner. She's got a burner. She probably had five different phones. probably drives them there it is you know i think it's hard for people to understand that like elements of the cia or the massad would condone the abuse of children to get leverage and information on people but that's kind of what's happened before yeah i think they

just figured look these 15 16 year olds they're going to keep their mouth shut i mean we're talking about when when this happened. This was all a long time ago, right? It wasn't that long ago. Like, how long ago did it start? I mean, well, it's been going on probably for decades. Right, but my point was when it initially got started, they probably didn't have the internet, right?

A hundred percent. When did he start bringing people out to the island? He got the island, i think uh late 90s early 2000 yeah so nobody really understood the concept of social media or where it was all gonna go but what's really crazy is like no one's ever accounted for how that fucking guy got all that money well les wexner who was the the head of victoria's secret was like his mentor and they were buddies and wexner gave him and you know what's so funny about the mainstream press you know the wall street journal ran some article they're like how could a guy buddies and Wexner gave them and you know what's so funny about the mainstream press you know the Wall Street Journal ran some article

they're like how could a guy like Les Wexner who sold women's jeans forever you know get totally bamboozled by Jeffrey Epstein nobody there thought that it was maybe a pathological relationship and that those guys knew each other

and maybe were in this similar stuff or whatever I don't know. But maybe there was a mutual benefit to them knowing each other. They think that somehow this billionaire got bamboozled by Jeffrey Epstein, which is just insane to think. But that's the way the press thinks. They're like, this guy's the CEO of a multinational. I mean, I'm sure he didn't do anything untoward.

Yeah. I'm sure he's innocent. Yeah. The interview with anything untoward. Yeah. I'm sure he's innocent. Yeah. The interview with the prince was fascinating. Yeah. Well, my favorite thing about that was I think the prince is autistic or something, and the people on Twitter were like, don't make fun of him. He's got something.

I think he is. He's got something. And the people on Twitter were like, hey, don't shame him for it. I'm like, okay. Can we just? How do you know when someone's autistic? There's a spectrum, right? When is it on? When do you lick a fucking strip and go, oh, yeah, bro, you got it.

A lot of people now, for whatever reason, it's becoming more and more obvious. More diagnosed. It's more diagnosed. And I think you've even talked about it before. People are not socializing with each other face to face as much and so there's a lot of like awkward yeah people that you know maybe you're on the spectrum and maybe aren't they're trying to ban clapping because you know they're gonna ban you want to do jazz hands yeah they want to do jazz hands real problem with loud noises yeah l fucking ol. Prince Andrew forced a scrap visit to flood-stricken York as he's called into crisis talks at Buckingham Palace.

How sad. Summoned for crisis talks. Oh, right now? Yeah, like something right now. Crisis talk. They're going to fucking hang him, too. Some of his answers were so crazy. Well, if my attorney advises, I will testify.

He's like, I don't know. When a man has sex, like he went into this whole thing that was just completely, he was clearly had a relationship with Epstein that wasn't good. I think Epstein knew how to do it. Yeah. And so did Clinton. So did a lot of these people. Clinton flew with Epstein 26 times.

And I've been telling people, I haven't flown with my mom 26 times. I haven't flown with anyone 26 times. Yeah, maybe Jamie and I decided we maybe flew together 10 times. And maybe Hinchcliffe and I have done 26 times. Hinchcliffe and I have probably flown as many times. You'll regret that when Tony gets outed for whatever he's doing. I mean, Tony looks like a feudal lord that's disemboweling chambermaids. So whenever they find the bodies in his yard, you will be answering for that.

They're going to find home video of Tony with Joker costume on. Yeah, 100%. 100%. 100%. He's got a Joker is on his screensaver on his phone. I love him. I love how he's the nicest guy in the world, but he just has that look. He's got a lot of mean in him.

He is a lot of mean. Yeah. Yeah. You see it come out in his comedy sometimes. Every now and then there's a flash. You know, on Kill Tony, which is so much fun, sometimes I'll sit next to him and then you'll see somebody, whether a comic, they might go over by, and you just see a flash go through Tony.

Anger. Just a flash of anger. Anger. And you're like, this could be a real issue. Yeah, you see the dungeon door cracks open just a little bit, and you get to see the dragon back there. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you just go, uh.

I'm like three times the size. I'm terrified of him. I'm just absolutely terrified of making any kind of enemy. She's on Dr. Phil. Who is this? Dr. Phil found her two weeks ago. No. No. Oh, this is the. Phil found her two weeks ago. No. No.

Oh, this is the girl? Yeah. Oh, man. She's going to start dating Prince Andrew. I should call up Dr. Phil and ask him if I can play this footage. I'm sure Phil will be okay with it. Well, hey, I don't have a problem with it at all. It's a little tiny person pretending to be a baby.

Yeah, Phil. What did she say when he talked to her? She said it's not true. What did she say? She's really a baby. Yeah. What did she say when he talked to her? She said it's not true. What did she say? She's really a baby? I want people to hear my side. They say that you scam. This is Phil talking.

They say you scam them, and she says it's not true at all. Okay, but what did she say? Scroll down a little bit. What is she saying here? Natalia now lives with another Indiana couple and their five children. LOL. The man's family, according to DailyMail.com, blah, blah, blah. Ordained pastor. Oh, they suckered him in with Jesus. Were you at all concerned at the time that we could be putting the children in jeopardy,

McGraw asks the family. We're supposed to help, the family says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They just so happened to come across this person that was not being treated right and cared enough to put the effort to make sure that something was done about it. She said, they're suckers. They're going to get busted. Yeah. I mean, these are, these are people that deserve to be killed. Hopefully she carves this family up and you can't feel, I was like, is that the family?

I just looked at it quickly. I'm like, is that the person that adopted her? Dude, by the way, look at that picture. Well, this is an LA agent that represents Greta Thunberg and all the crisis kids. That's a great look. Child activists. I do hang around tragedies looking for kids who have it. Greta, baby, you killed it at the fucking UN.

You're an animal. Why are you crying, honey? Oh, okay. No. Are there cameras on you? Keep crying. Throw yourself on the floor. Throw yourself on the floor right now. Malala

left me for a competitor and you haven't heard her fucking name in two years. Who's Malala? She's a girl that got shot. David Hobb won't take a fucking meeting. I've sent 30 pairs of sneakers to his dorm. Jesus Christ. Tell Malala she's got to come out as non-binary if she wants heat now. That's the way it is.

Nobody gives a shit about landmines anymore. It's all climate. Climate is sexy. Climate and guns. Clean water? That hasn't been hot since the fucking late 90s. Do people even fucking drink water? Wake the fuck up.

I got the Covington kids and Nathan Phillips on a reconciliation tour opening for Lizzo. Who is it? Emma Gonzalez? Don't put her through. she's fucked me for the last time. I had her booked at Davos she got sick. You get sick at Davos? We got a new version of the Paul brothers from Syria they're fucking hilarious they do pranks one of them's missing an arm and they they have fun with that it's great we got a kid with a cleft lip, but he's cute. I want Hog at Madison Square Garden.

People are turning in their guns and crying to him. They're handing their guns over to him and they're crying. Yeah, this is just Jason, I got a call for David. Yeah, just let him know that I called. We actually sent some stuff in the mail over, if you could take a look at it. Just a few sneakers and, Okay, sure. Yeah. We got a kid.

Right now. He has no limbs. He is fucking hilarious. And he does a whole bit about the refugee crisis. You have no idea how hard this kid is going to hit when he hits. Do you understand? No limbs. We walk him out, we put him in a seat,

and he just fucking goes, man. He just goes. These kids will own you one day. I will make sure of it. They will fucking own you. I got a three-year-old from Iceland in Gunnar. He loves economics. He's talking about debt peonage.

I got him at the World Bank in three weeks. Fuck you! So, I mean, eventually YouTube's going to go. We're not participating in this. Are you worried about that? I think I am a little bit. Gavin McGinnis is still on YouTube. I know. That's true.

Well, that's who I want to be. That's your canary in the coal mine. Yeah, that's it. Stefan Molyneux, he's still on. I appreciate this. Thank you. Yeah, no, I mean, listen, I like Gavin. Gavin's a nice guy.

But the reality is I think that YouTube seems like they're done with small creators. My channel is pretty small, Tim Dillon Show. It's not a huge channel. Let's make it bigger. Let's make it bigger. Tim Dillon Show on YouTube. Please subscribe. Yeah, so that when they get rid of it in a month, I can at least get mad about something.

Send positive comments only. Yes. Even if they're like sarcastic. Yeah. Somehow the positive comments will be worse. You look great. Yeah. You don't look fat at all.

I mean, so we do these videos. They're a lot of fun. And we can't do them on network TV. They're not going to allow us to do it. No way. It's not going to happen. Yeah. Well, what is he at now?

18,000 subscribers? Yeah, 18,000 subscribers. Let's see what we can get that bitch up to by the end of the... Yeah. Well, thank you. I appreciate it.

My pleasure. I thought I would be able to do this stuff on TV. What? Yeah. That's not going to happen. No, but it's better this way. You don't want anybody

telling you what to do. Right. You can't. Your style of comedy, that Meghan McCain thing, is fucking hilarious. Right. There's no way.

I only fuck daddy yeah they're not gonna let me do that there's not a chance they won't I played that on this podcast at least four times you've played it for like doctors

you've played it for like people that Nobel laureates they're like making a point you're like you've seen Tim Dillon do Meghan McCain people are like what

people are like I have five Pulitzer Prizes you're like take a look at this fat guy yell about his wanting to fuck his dad. I wish we could convince Megan to just like, just, just. I thought it would be funny because I'm headlining Caroline's in March in New York.

And I thought it'd be funny to shoot a promo where I show up at dressed as her and just sit in the audience of The View. I thought that would be funny. But I've been advised legally that that might not be the best course of action. Yeah. Whoopi Goldberg will stab you. Yes. But that's a a great promo whoopi goldberg stabbing me as megan mccain and then just tim dillon yeah she probably stabbed me a couple times before she gets tired yeah you know what i would uh what i would think would be amazing is you in the uh dressing room the makeup chair yeah getting turned into megan mccain and megan mccain walks in and beats

the fuck out of you that would be great is she down for it is she cool this is how they tortured my dad in vietnam and they they fucking she gets you in an arm listen the only person that could make that happen is you i don't think so i don't think i could i think you're the only guy i think you got to get tommy lauren on the phone that's actually another point yeah who else what else are the the fembots how many i don't know i don't know too many of them but i mean megan is here's the thing about megan she i i do respect how much she is always willing to be you know like annoying did you see the thing with her and uh donald trump jr yeah that was heavy like him going on the view was heavy it's like wow Did you see the thing with her and Donald Trump Jr.? Yeah.

That was heavy. Like, him going on The View was heavy. It's like, wow, why? And all these idiots are like, fire her. It's like, you can't. That's the show. The show is drama. Well, this is the only way it's any good.

Right. Do you want any of their real opinions about stuff? No, I want Rosie O'Donnell back talking about 9-11. Well, if you want to get back at Trump, you hire Rosie again. Yes. Because Rosie and Trump fucking hate each other. They hate each other. They fucking hate each other.

I mean, he would go on TV and call her a loser. Yeah. When I grew up, that was a feud. Yes. Like, as I was growing up, that was a feud. It was Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump. When he did it on Twitter, like, right after he won, he was talking shit about Rosie. Well, it was a big thing with Megyn Kelly.

She was like, you've called women pigs, this, that, and the other thing. And he goes, only Rosie O'Donnell. Yes. Only Rosie O'Donnell. And it got a huge pop. Of course. A huge pop. Yeah, look, he's fucking funny.

He knows how to be funny. What is Megyn Kelly going to do? What's her comeback? Well, she wants to do a podcast. Yeah. And they actually contacted me about her coming on here. Interesting. She wants to do, I mean, look, she definitely could do a podcast yeah and they actually contacted me about coming her coming on here interesting she wants to do i mean look she definitely could do a podcast her comments about blackface words

i get that they were tone deaf but when you watch it in context it's weird that she lost her job they were trying to get rid of her for the way she said it's a good question she's like why can't you pretend to be someone for a admire like diana ross right it's not a bad question the problem is you can't you can say that on a podcast i just did why can't you right you can't you can't get fired from a podcast right but she what she didn't understand is how they were going to use that to attack her and then she has this fucking apology video it looks like there's isis guys behind her with a fucking sword to her neck hey it's crazy it was a goddamn hostage video i saw her i'm sorry the week she was not yeah i did not the week she was leaving fox i was again i was in there doing red eye i saw her

she knew she was kind of doing the wrong thing she was sitting in the makeup chair she just had this weird energy you can't go from fox to then being America's sweetheart on NBC in the morning. Well, she did, and she didn't pull it off, but she did make $60 million. That's a lot of money. She could tell everyone to eat her ass. For $60 million. For the end of time. You have $60 million.

You don't have to do shit ever again for the rest of your life. It's true. Her kids are safe. She's safe. They're all set up. They're set. I would tell her to do it too. Fox is not going to give her that kind of money. That's fucking money, money, money, money, money. It's big money. But it's not as

much money as Bill O'Reilly paid out gals. How much did he pay out gals? He paid that woman, Lease Wheel, $32 million, I believe. Check that, Jamie, just so I'm not wrong. This is weird for me, because my Long Island woman uh lease wheel 32 million dollars i believe check that jamie just swam that wrong and this is weird for me because every you know my long island grandfather had the patriots welcome bill o'reilly matt every thanksgiving you would step right on it and you would sit down at bill

o'reilly bill o'reilly's voice was bellowing through the house oh yeah because this was a you know this is my grandparents who i love to death they love fox and they love bill o'reilly because bill was a traditionalist for old white people even with the $32 million settlement Bill O'Reilly made millions last year he's doing well what do you think he did

$32 million you have to be guilty and it's dark like a hairbrush up your ass piss in my mouth. And I'm going to light your fucking piss on fire. She's got photos and videos of him doing crazy shit. Or threatening her.

Didn't he get caught leaving crazy messages on some gal's voicemail? Yeah, he said, I'm going to loo for you. Before that one, that was his sixth settlement for $32 million. He had five previous that totaled $13 million. So he's $45 million in the hole for that. Six separate instances. You know, he's a million in the hole for that six separate instances you know he's a traditionalist he's a traditional he's a traditionalist this is a traditional listen it's only half a hundred million it's 50 million dollars because you made a few boo-boos

you made a few mistakes at work all these people don't understand that a man needs to get some things off his chest well i think there also, there was the environment that these guys sort of came up in, whether it's Matt Lauer or whether it's Bill O'Reilly, these guys who are like, they're buttoned down on television and then off air, they would blow off some steam. Oh yeah, a lot.

And some of them were more wacky than other ones. And, you know, Lauer, there was a – didn't that Ronan Farrow guy prove that there was a bunch of other settlements that NBC had denied about Matt Lauer? Well, he just put out a book. Yeah. Catch and release. Yeah.

Well, the other thing is, like, you've got to remember, guys like Bill O'Reilly and Matt Lauer, they rose through the ranks to the heads of their – I mean, it's a certain type of person that gets there. The details were already known. What is new information, though, is that her agreement demanded she turn over all evidence which she conversed with O'Reilly, and furthermore, to act like such evidence never existed. Her settlement also required that she lie, even in legal proceedings or under oath,

if any evidence becomes public by calling the evidence counterfeit or forgeries. Sounds like Bill's got a good attorney. Yeah, Bill's attorney's not fucking around. Bill's attorney's got a fucking knife in his teeth like Rambo. Bill sits down with the ladies and goes, you're going to never work again, but you're also never going to talk again. You're going to keep your mouth shut. You don't need to work, baby.

You don't need to work, yeah. Daddy Bill's going to take care of everything. $32 million. Ooh, that's a good sum to have in the bank. $32 million. Let me just check my account real quick on my phone. Ooh, look at that. Look at all the zeros.

That's crazy. There's a 32. And then after that 32, well, holy shit, look at all them fucking zeros. And he's also like, listen, you're alive. He didn't kill you. You make a $32 million. All right, so you were scared to go home for a little bit. $32.

Zero, zero, zero. My favorite thing about Bill O'Reilly, he tried to get the Catholic Church to excommunicate his ex-wife. Yes, he's like, I'm not getting divorced. Fuck her. That is the best thing. He tried to send his ex-wife to hell. That is big. And by the way, mother of his kids.

Yes. Like, let's say he got it done. In his worldview, in the Catholic worldview, she's going to hell. So he would have to sit down with his kids and go, now you know your mother's going to hell. And I made that happen. Didn't he also try to get the marriage annulled so he didn't have to get divorced? I think so, but I remember that he was like, if we can't annul it, just doom her to hell.

Just excommunicate her and let the woman that gave me children just live on the lake of fire forever. Well, here's the real question. A freak like that doesn't just... I mean, he was a freak deep into his 60s. And he's still a freak now. Yes. He's still a freak. People don't change. So what's he doing? I don't know. What's he doing? I think now

there's a lot of NDAs, which there should have been back then. Whatever. They need to break those. How did he not get caught up in Fuck Island? Oh, because I don't know. He's a traditionalist. He probably likes some dirty over dirty. He's a Long Island guy.

He likes an old woman he can beat. He doesn't want a young chick on an island. He wants a woman who's terrified, whose life's been horrible. Look at this. Horowitz to testify in impeachment hearings. Oh, Bill O'Reilly.com. I think it has massive traffic, too. I think it does really well.

Didn't we find this out that his videos have, like, fucking hundreds of millions of views or something ridiculous like that? It's on his own site, so it would be really hard to know. But doesn't he have some things on YouTube or something like that? I saw him once at a clam bar. I'm going to have to go eventually. I'm going to have to go to JoeRogan.com and just have videos up. Otherwise, as things grow, you're still under the umbrella of these companies.

I don't say anything so outrageous other than this episode where I could get yanked off the air. I'm blaming you. But it's worth it. Oh, yeah. I guarantee there's going to be a problem later and I'm going to text Jamie and be like, why are you guys not on YouTube? Because you're a dumb video that no one watched. You fucking lied about Giselle Matchwell or whatever

the fucking name is. I think but the problem is YouTube comes with its own built in audience, right? There's a bunch of people that are already subscribing on YouTube. I mean we have millions of subscribers. What would we tell those people? Hey, just come over here.

I think they'll all go. I don't know about that. I just don't know what the future, because there's guys that are like David Dobrik, huge YouTubers that are making all this money, and then a lot of them have talked about their ad revenue has been cut substantially. Oh, yeah. Well, a lot of them. So a lot of them are starting podcasts.

Logan Paul started a podcast. A lot of these guys are going, oh, the ad money is going to move into podcasting. Well, podcasting is a little cleaner in that if you have an audience, it's just an RSS feed and it gets aggregated through iTunes and through the Android apps and all these different apps. Do you think right now, supposedly, and I don't know, you would know more about this than me, that there's something that is transcribing podcasts? There's a way that they're going to transcribe podcasts that are going forward and ones that have already happened. And is that potentially a way to – do you think anyone's going to eventually have to have a license, a podcasting license? Do you think this will not be the Wild West anymore? Are they going to come in and try to regulate this to any degree, would you think?

I think the cat's out of the bag. I think the box is open. I just don't think you can at this point in time. But I think the way you put the clamps down is demonetization. They've done that. They've done that with a lot of people. They've demonetized them off of YouTube. They've cut out their Patreon.

They've cut out PayPal. They've done all these different things to keep them from being able to make money. Which is a comment. Even if I disagree with somebody, even if I think what they're saying is abhorrent, as long as they're not harassing or threatening or doxing people, I'm never somebody who says they shouldn't be allowed to have a

platform. I agree, and also the problem is what you're doing by demonetizing someone that's saying something that's very popular. Say if you have a channel and your channel has half a million subscribers and you're not doing anything particularly egregious. You're not calling for the death of people. Right. And even if you are, it's goofy.

Right. You're not overtly racist. But if they demonetize you, what it also does, it sends a signal to people that are also like that, that maybe haven't stepped out that far yet to like, oh, rein it back a little bit. Right. So you self-censor. You pull it back. It was a quote. It's like, kill one man, scare a thousand.

Yes. I mean, that's what you do. I mean, that is what you do. Yeah. I mean, why do you think they put Wesley Snipes in jail for tax evasion? Just to prove to everyone else. Let everybody know, hey, you fuck. You're going to jail.

Lauren Hill, same thing. Go to jail. You're going to jail jail. Like regular jail. Like regular people jail. It doesn't matter if you feel like paying the money back. Oh, I didn't know. My accountant lied to me.

Doesn't care. Get the fuck in the jail. They're sending a message. Yeah, they're sending a message. So do you think, I think after December 12th, YouTube's going to be able to, if your channel's not commercially viable, they'll be able to just get rid of it if they want. That is a, that's a way for them to stop something in its tracks. Okay.

That's what I think. So say if some new guy comes along, like you, you come along spitting fire, talking shit, and everybody's getting fired up. And oh my God, look what he said about Meghan McCain. And Meghan McCain calls up YouTube. Listen, we're going to take the view and we're going to pull it off of YouTube. If you don't get rid of that fucking fat fuck that's impersonating me. Is this, I sometimes I wonder if,

if like the shadow banning and stuff is because I just made Gary Vaynerchuk mad and I'm like, I don't, you know, I made a joke about him. Do you think he's powerful enough to just go to all these companies and be like, maybe,

I don't know. I don't think he would do that. I'm kidding. Gary, I love you. I, I'm inspired by you every day. It's all a bit. It's a bit. It's all a joke. these companies and be like maybe i don't know i don't think he would do that i'm kidding gary i love gary i love you i i'm inspired by you every day it's all a bit it's a bit it's all a joke i think it's great when you happen with him well i i'll make i you know i have a joke about him i really you know i have a joke i made a little video about him because some of the things he

tweets he tweets like kindness is delicious come on what are we doing he puts out a little too much content but it's also like all my loser friends think they're going to be the CEOs of companies because this guy is telling them there's a business inside of everyone. And there's not. There's just not a business inside of everybody. There's a lot of people that just shouldn't be like, you know, they should just fall in line. Fall in line. We don't need everyone thinking that they're going to be the next CEO.

Right, but he's got to send the message out there as if everyone can be. That way the people that are listening and get it, the people that get it, they're like, okay, he's saying everyone can. That means me. I'm going to go for it. And then they make it. And I appreciate him doing that, but I need to send the message that most people can't. A lot of people can't.

So in the same way that he has a message, I a message my message is you're not it's not gonna happen and he has the but it's also there's no specific guidance with a lot of these guys not only him but he'll say things like you could talk about it or you could do it but you better do both and it's like well what's the it like he tweeted once he goes ideas are And it's like, well, what's the it? Like he tweeted once. He goes, ideas are shit. It's all about execution. It's like, execute what? What are we going to do? I need help. My kids are sick.

Execute what? Can you text me? Do I meet you somewhere? How do we start this? How do we build these businesses? Are we going to do it together? Why do you think he got mad? He got mad?

I'm kidding. I don't know if he's mad or not. I wonder if a guy like that has a sense of humor. I'm a comedian. Did something get pulled that you did? The Gary Vee thing, they took it off YouTube. No. I mean, they took it off Instagram, IG.

No. And I bet he walked into a room with a bunch of guys in little hoodies, and he was like, get this fatty, and they did. And I'm not mad at that, because I respect power. I respect power, Gary. I get it. I'm just saying, I'm a funny guy. Me and you will do a podcast, Gary. I get it. I'm just saying I'm a funny guy. Me and you will do a podcast, Gary.

It's fine. He's a smart. I respect him. I respect him. He's a smart guy, right? He's smart. I wonder how many successful people need that. Does Warren Buffett look at his phone and go, it's time to hustle?

I don't know. How did he get a parody of you removed from Instagram? Probably didn't. I'm just a conspiracy guy. Is it on YouTube still? Yeah. Let's play it. Where is it?

It's probably on YouTube. I want to hear what you said, and I want to see what was the trigger. Well, I also waved the knife around. There's stuff that I shouldn't have done. I talked about assassinating the president. It wasn't. But my whole point was that when you make these when you give people very general and vague i need to see this now i need to smoke this general and vague advice what

sometimes happens is that you know you know people can you like david hogg tweeted the other day he goes it's the hardest days in our lives that makes us who we are. So then I subtweeted it and I wrote, okay, so no gun control. Right? I mean, and my point there is not to say anything shitty about Hogg, but to say, listen, if you're just going to tweet vague, meaningless horse shit all day, like, that's all that kid does. David Hogg will wake up and he goes, racism is bad. And it gets 42,000 likes.

It's like, cut this shit out. Well, isn't he like 17? He's a child. We got to stop listening to children. Yeah, well, that was Louis' joke. Yes. About Parkland Survivors. He's back.

I'm thrilled he's back. He's killing it. I'm fucking. My friend saw a show the other night. He's like, it's the best hour. It's amazing. I heard he murdered it. He's amazing.

A guy did a review of him. A guy did a review of him. He said, I have a very complicated relationship with Louis C.K. I think what he did was horrible. I was a fan of him. He said, I have a very complicated relationship with Louis C.K. I think what he did was horrible. I was a fan of his. I was greatly disappointed. But then I saw his new set and it was fucking amazing. Yes.

No one even knows what he did. He's like, I think what he did was horrible. It's like, describe what he did. The guy's like, ah, well, you know. Did you see that girl that, well, hold on a second. Oh, here. I found it. You found it.

Okay, play this. It's on his Twitter, by the way. Oh, it's on Twitter. Twitter. Hey, by the way, stop. Pause it for a second. Shout out to Twitter. Shout out to Twitter. Thank you, Twitter. You found it. Okay, play this. It's on his Twitter, by the way. Oh, it's on Twitter. Twitter. Hey, by the way, stop. Pause it for a second. Shout out to Twitter. Shout out to Twitter.

Thank you, Twitter. They let it fly. Because Twitter let Meghan McCain fly. They let it all fly. Twitter lets everything fly. You can take it in the ass on Twitter. They have porn. It's an adult site.

This is for adults. I just love that they do that. They kept the Meghan McCain thing up, whereas YouTube or Instagram took it down, right? Instagram... You got two things taken down. Two strikes, buddy. That's why I'm not... I barely put the videos on Instagram anymore because I don't want to lose my account. Good call. Let's hear this.

I learned the most important word ever. Stop crying and just keep hustling. Guys, we're building businesses here. Where do I meet you, man? Let's fucking do it And so you can say it Or you can do it

But I highly recommend You do both I'll do it I'll say it And I'll do it I used to work in a liquor store For seven straight years And the only days off I took

Were to watch the New York Jets And you know what that did? It made me throw up on myself So that wasn't a vacation. My son is sick. Nobody gives a fuck about your problems. Fuck yeah. Hustle is the most important word ever.

What about the word jug? Recognize that you can attack the world in a totally different way. Oh. I should kill the president! This is the problem. This is the issue. I don't think Gary Vee got it. It's funny.

It's stupid. We're being stupid. We made this at like 3 a.m. Come on. It's fucking hilarious. Gary, you know. You're a comedian. We just got to have a little fun.

Gary, we love you. We love you, Gary. Congratulations on all your success. Open invite on my show anytime you want to come. He's been on mine. I enjoy the guys' company. I'm sure he's more hyped about going on yours than mine. He sent me a pair of his sneakers, but they were too small. What size were they?

13. For you. 12. A fan of his sent me a pair of his sneakers, and actually they're K-Swiss sneakers that he's put his name on, but they're nice and comfortable. Yeah, he sent me like 10 and a half, so my feet are all fucked up in them. Yeah. Did you see that?

Are you guys talking about Megyn McKellie? She has a YouTube channel now. I don't know if you know that. Megyn McKellie. Megyn McKellie. Megyn McKellie. It's just a Harvard. Her first video she launched was talking to the girl that was fired from CBS for putting out that ABC clip, and she said she was falsely fired.

Yeah, she said she didn't even do it. And then the guy, Project Veritas guy, said it wasn't her either. Right. Yeah, so she got fired for nothing. Right. But was she the one who captured it, though? She did, but in her defense, she said that was her job. Her job was to capture things.

Right. And use it for clips. Mark them internally in case anybody wanted to use it for anything in the future. Yeah, she got thrown to the wolves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And also for, she said, for like blooper reels. Yeah, it could have been for anything.

There's lots of things they mark stuff for. They do that. When you do a sitcom, you know, they do the blooper reel where every time you fuck up your line, like we still love those for news radio. Yeah. We should play them at the end of the season at the wrap party party we play the blooper reel that's probably what they were doing yeah the thing is about those new shows there's no season it just keeps going baby it just keeps going and going and i was listening to your the thing you did with matt and taibi and he was like

yeah they just want access to people they just want to interview like will and kate they're like we're not going to get too sticky in this no you know yeah they want access and that's what they don't want to throw away yeah some crazy depend on people in the government to get access and if you're a pariah and you're on the outside you don't get the white house you know press pass you know the thing about this epstein thing is it's like such an open door into conspiracy oh it puts an open door into a lot of powerful people having to account for themselves and that's not in their plan i think that's part of what's happening to youtube where they're like we don't like the idea that somebody like alex jones can start a channel

and have more views than the nightly news we that means we're losing power and we're losing control and i think that somewhere whether it was in davos or whatever bilderberg conference it was a a room full of people that were like we gotta a we got a rain technology in a little bit you don't think that there's some thought to that that there certainly is certainly yeah these guys are uncomfortable well there might there i mean especially people that have already done things that are illegal right immoral of course and it is like there's some sort of evidence of them right but this guy was like the cream of the crop right but what he was was like the if you're a conspiracy theorist looking for something really crazy this is a best case scenario because it has everything it has powerful people it has

underage girls it has all the equations it has illegal sexual activity with underage girls on an island that he flies you to the temple it's crazy painted the color of the israeli flag yeah there's a lot of but also it's unfolding in real time yeah but it's also it's like it's an island that people called fuck island really pedophile island kid fuck island whatever it is this is like a james bond movie it's absolutely it's like a weird tom clancy novel about but this this guy clearly was allowed to get away with this the first deal he got was a very a sweetheart deal we all you know he he was allowed to go home during the day this was a guy that was you know convicted of you know having sex molest a 14 year old what they convicted him of i think had to do with a massage parlor well something it was a 14 year old girl and then he was allowed

one of the things the provisions was to not name any co-conspirators so that first deal was like he was not gonna have to now this that wasn't gonna work like that this time they were gonna be like you're now gonna sin and nobody was letting that happen what do you think they're doing with the guards do you think they're like putting pressure on the guards and going, hey, you've got to fill us in the blanks. They're going to probably – but one of the guards said no to a plea bargain, which I thought was very interesting. That's very interesting too. I don't know. It doesn't seem – I would have to have faith that – I think there's elements in the FBI and there's probably elements in the government that want to get to the bottom of this.

But they're going up against a wall of people that don't want to get to the bottom of this. We're talking billionaires. We're talking about people that run countries. We're talking about ex-presidents. We're talking about potentially intelligence agencies. And they're going to just hit that wall. Yeah. I like the old ones better with no consequences, like the Kennedy assassination.

Well, because it was all over. Yeah, it's done. It's all over. It's just we're looking back. This is playing out right now. It's unfolding in real time. It's crazy. I remember when I woke up and just we're looking back. This is playing out right now. It's unfolding in real time. It's crazy. I remember when I woke up and he was killed, so many people had messaged me.

They were like, this is kind of what you said was going to happen, and it fucking happened. This is the craziest thing ever. Prison's chief says FBI are looking at possible criminal enterprise in Epstein's death. Yeah. Okay. Well, we... Wow. What does that...

What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? These guys are very good at what they do. If this was Mossad or if it was CIA, if it was... Or even if it was billionaires that contracted this out to... I mean, these people are very good at what they do. Did you ever read the book, The Strange Death of Vince Foster?

No. Do you know about that book? No. Vince Foster was a guy who- Well, I know that he shot himself, what, in the head twice or something? No, no. Something, before he was about to testify in white water? Yeah, he was about to testify.

He shot himself. The gun was still in his hand. There was less body at the scene of the crime than was missing from his body. They think his body was potentially moved. These are all the conspiracies that I read. I don't know how much of it's actual factual. But it was one of the first ones that I remember reading. Well, there was one about, was very interesting, and that's very interesting, but there was this.

After Oklahoma City, there was a cop named Terrence Yeekey, and he started to investigate what had happened because he just wasn't, he didn't think it was just one guy. He didn't think it was just one guy he didn't think it was just mcveigh and and this guy tarantichi ended up like again shooting himself in the head and then crawling a mile and climbing a fence because he wanted to die somewhere more private that was like the official story so michael hastings journalist in la ended up going you know right by a really good restaurant austria mozza said to his wife wife and kids, hey, to his wife, he was like, listen, I've gone off the grid. I'm working on a big story. I think people are fucking around with my car.

A day later or two days later, his car accelerates into a tree right in the middle of Hollywood. So things are happening. You know, not just that. Yeah. The engine. It flew out.

It flew out of the car, which is never supposed to happen it's indication of some sort of explosion the conspiracy is yeah

and if any of that think of any of those stories if any of them had happened in Russia if any of them had happened in another country what would all of the journalists

in America be saying you know the Hastings origin story do you know what happened I don't know the origin story it's the story he went to Middle East and he was embedded

and he was only supposed to be there for a short period of time but then the volcano happened. Okay. Remember that volcano? Yeah. They blew and they couldn't fly. Right. So then he stayed with the journal. Right. With McChrystal? Yeah. Or Petraeus. McChrystal. Stanley McChrystal. McChrystal. And

he heard them say a lot of shit that he wasn't supposed to hear. They joked around about a lot of things. And he that in the story they got comfortable with him they thought he wouldn't fuck them and he fucked them they they treated him the same way they treat everybody they tell jokes they joked around about obama right and he wrote the runaway general man yeah they're fucking blowing off steam in a goddamn war zone. The runaway general, the profile that brought down McChrystal. So this is, he's the guy that wrote it. And McChrystal, Michael Hennestey, McChrystal was like beloved.

Beloved by the troops. And he had to step down. So when he had to step down, that's when people were saying, oh, well, that's probably why they killed him. Yeah, it's very possible. I mean, you make those kind of enemies, like we talked about Kennedy. when people were saying, oh, well, that's probably why they killed him. Yeah, it's very possible. I mean, you make those kind of enemies, like we talked about Kennedy. It's like you make... That's the thing with conspiracy theorists.

They think everything's just five guys in a room. It's not. There's a lot of powerful people with a lot of money and resources that can make your life very hard. Yeah. They can tar you in the press. They can slander you.

And that guy clearly... Or they can get rid of you. I mean, Hastings clearly fucked that guy over. He fucked that guy over. I mean, well... He just just said i'm just gonna go for it this is what i do probably was like listen this is what i do as a journalist there's people dying this is a war and i'm gonna do what i feel i have to do but it's also like those people are over there in the most duress filled situations on earth yes and i think it's so weird that we look at that from times of peace or from the land of peace the environment of peace yeah and even comprehend like just i agree they just said

jokes of course yeah 100 i mean what did he i don't remember what he said that was so awful i forget what he said but i knew it was it made obama because obama is still the commander-in-chief so the idea that you have a higher you know a very big general openly mocking the commander-in-chief in rolling stone magazine is probably not a good look and and then you got it just because of you know the way that things work he's gotta google it jamie google what did mccrystal say about obama that got him fired trump just pardoned somebody and i forget he was a controversial military guy he was a seal that was accused of taking a photograph with a dead body that was it and he was um he what trump did he didn't pardon

him he gave him his rank back okay so he was his rank was stripped and that would have cost him a lot of money and benefits yeah and uh trump reinstated his uh his military status okay yeah yeah it's a very i know there was a lot of opinions very public story it was a very very um very controversial story the whole thing was i get that things happen in wartime that we you know sitting here in the cushy environment in los angeles like couldn't possibly understand but I do think you know you you can't just let the chaos of it become its own law right because then it kind of defeats the purpose of whatever the hell we're trying to do yeah for sure yeah for sure for sure he says Obama angry after reading McChrystal's remarks I wonder what they were yeah I sure it does. I found a couple in the actual article.

It said like he looked intimidated in front of brass or something like that. That Obama did? Yeah. Oh, that's what they were saying? First thing that was said. Yeah, this is what you said. It was like, this is what you would talk about with your friends if you had a couple of drinks. McChrystal thought Obama looked uncomfortable and intimidated by room full of military brass. Their first one-on-one meeting took place at the Oval Office four months later. After McChrystal got the Afghanistan job, didn't do much better. It was a ten-minute photo op, says an advisor to McChrystal. Obama clearly didn't know anything about him, who he was.

Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. The boss was pretty disappointed. Now, let me defend this for a second. If I was Obama, I would be intimidated as fuck. Of course. You just became president, and you're going in around these generals who are like the baddest military motherfuckers on earth in the middle of a real war where they have to kill bad guys. Yeah. And this is what you're relying on to kill these bad guys who could be very, very dangerous.

And Obama had no experience with that. You're going to be intimidated. Of course. Now, here's the other thing. He was like, he wasn't engaged. He didn't know. This has always been my take on it. There's no, I mean, about being a president.

There's no fucking way you could be on top of everything. Can't. There's no way. I don't think we even comprehend all the different things you have to be paying attention to. If you're going to be the fucking president but whether it's social issues economic issues climate issues military taxes right decline of the stock market this and that and then you're in twitter wars with people at the same time and then there's foreign policy and what about north korea holy. There's so many things. It's impossible. And he probably didn't know how to assert himself.

And he probably, even though it didn't work out so well, I mean, what the fuck do you tell a guy like McChrystal who's running this war? If you're Obama, do you fire him? Probably doesn't. No. Interesting. So you don't get rid of him. No. Really?

No. But you're the president. He's right. The guy's right. Right. I know. He was fucking intimidated. I know.

You bring the guy in. You give him respect. You have a conversation with him. And you say, look, I'm not a perfect person. You know? Right. If I handle that incorrectly, I'm just learning how to be the fucking president of the United States. It's a crazy gig.

I mean, he's only in his 40s. Right. Right. I mean, as amazing as he is, as intelligent as he is, as Right I mean as amazing as he is As intelligent as he is As well read And articulate as he is He's still fucking kind of young To be running

The greatest army the world's ever known Of course Everybody is Nobody's qualified for that job Nobody's qualified yeah It's too crazy It's crazy I would have brought the guy in

I would have brought him in Let's have a fucking drink Let's have a meeting Let's have a summit Yeah look If I've disrespected you If you felt bad I'm sorry And then you kill Michael Hastings together Together Until Obama brings him a crystal And go let's have a meal let's have a summit yeah look i if i've disrespected you if you felt bad i'm sorry and then you kill michael hastings together together joe obama brings him a

crystal and go let's kill him together if that's it if that's it jesus christ imagine that getting you whacked well that i mean less than that'll get you whacked i know but that seems to me like men could have worked that out they should have i mean yeah i seem like it i mean i'm never going to be the fucking president i have no desire to be a mayor of anything. Are you going to moderate a debate? Never. People want it, Joe. I'm just tired.

Joe, people want it. I'm moving away from all this stuff. Don't you? You're not leaving LA. I'm moving away from more. But one thing I would try to do in a situation like that is set an example of how I want my neighbors to act. I don't want my neighbors to fucking cancel each other.

If one guy says the other guy looked intimidated about something to his wife and you hear about it. Part of that is because you're a fighter and you came up with that conflict resolution. And then you have, you know, isn't that, do you think part of that's martial arts, the way you look at situations or no? I mean, maybe, but it's also a sense of camaraderie. I think people can work out a lot more problems than they think they can. That's probably true. I think, and it's a better, it's a better plan for everybody. Most people will fucking

engage you angry if you engage them angry. But most people, if you go, come on, man, I'm not looking for any trouble. And they know you're sincere. You're like,

this is how I felt. Maybe you felt different. Maybe this is how you felt. But let me tell you how I meant, what I meant, what I said. And I fucked up

the way I said it or I did this or maybe I should have been more sensitive. Let's work it out. Yeah. Let's work it out as people. It's becoming harder to do that with technology. But when you got the president who fires the fucking number one general, he's like, you know, you said something about me being intimidated.

Get the fuck out of the fucking. Right. You can't, man. You can't, yeah. What else did he say? Did he say something else? Oh, in person, in private, Team Mc team of crystal likes to talk shit about many of obama's top people in the diplomatic side 180 calls jim jones a retired four-star general

veteran the cold war a clown who uh remains stuck in 1985 but listen this is what guys do here's the thing you're asking this guy you're asking this guy to be a fucking assassin for freedom right that's what that's what he's doing. Right, right. He's out there murking bad guys in other parts of the world. You send him over there, and then you want him to follow the same human resource codes that a guy who was the fucking manager. Works at JP Morgan or something does.

Yeah. Or not even like fucking. Geico. Anything. Yeah, Geico. Yeah, perfect example. You're asking, of course the guy's on edge. Right.

Fucking missiles are flying over his head. Yeah, he's a professional killer. His friends are getting killed. Right. He's got to make the decisions that will send thousands of men potentially to their death. Of course, yeah. Of course he's on edge. He calls someone a clown.

It's amazing that's all he does. Right, that's true. It's amazing he doesn't find the people he hates and cuts their fucking heads off. okay that's what he's doing you're you're you're turning him into a warrior right yeah he's a warrior he's a professional soldier you're sending him to these insane places of conflict and you're upset if he calls somebody a clown yeah that's stupid it's insane yeah men should be able to work things like that out i know but this is you know they don't they should be able to work things out people hold grudges for a long time and then that those grudges become you know policy and that's so ridiculous to be a man you have to be a clown

every now and then you fuck up absolutely that's just part of being a man there's that this illusion of the invulnerable person the person that never makes mistakes and it's always perfect thought to himself if if if i don do this, I will look weak? Sure, sure. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just trying to. I don't know. I don't know.

I could never imagine. I could never imagine that gig. That gig is fucking impossible for any human. It's a very good chance I will not be the president. I mean, look at Obama. I mean, like a fucking Harvard graduate, brilliant guy, lawyer, super articulate, as polished as they ever get. Smart. Even he can't do it right.

Nobody can do it. Nobody can do it right. It's not designed to be done right. You can't do it, man. Yeah. You can't do it if you're Trump. You can't do it if you're Obama. It's the end stage of the empire.

It's like we've had, you know, it's basically we're just trying to land the plane or we're trying to sustain. But everyone knows. There's too much kind of. There's too many things coming that no president and no political solution will help. Right. And that's AI and automation.

Yeah, for sure. I love Andrew Yang, but I don't know what his rallies, he's on a skateboard all the time. He's like, we have a lot of fun at our rallies. It's like, but the whole point of your campaign

is in five years, 40% of us are going to be fighting for water. Yeah. And then he's skateboarding around his rallies. Well, he's just, he's got to dance that dance of making people like him. Yeah. That's the thing about running for president. He's a very, very nice guy.

And he's a smart guy and he gets what's happening. He scared me. Yeah. When he started talking about automation, taking over jobs and about universal basic income, people are going to need it to stay alive and survive. I'm like, whoa, like maybe this guy's like the fucking the fucking you know the beginning of the terminator where someone's warning you yeah you know we'll kill him he'll andrew yang's going in with tree next week if he keeps this up he won't be because no one's in charge of the machine right that's what's nuts with this machine

of ai no one really once it goes once it goes live i'm so scared of it i really think that we are with the last human era with the last do you think we're at the end of the human era well this is this is the path that i see this is what freaks me out i see technology right technology is innovating on this accelerated pace super accelerated and it started out very rudimentary it started out when we were really complicated so we were really, and it was like flint tools. And then it went from flint tools to a bow and arrow with a flint on the end of it to a fucking canoe to a house to this, to that, to electricity and solar panels. And it just kept getting better and better and better and better at an insane accelerated rate. But we look like the same people that made the fucking arrowhead.

Right. We didn't evolve we're not involved we may be devolving we're going the other way i'm sure we're evolving in terms of intelligence we certainly have more access to intelligence or to information than anybody's ever had ever and it's hard to tell exactly what gets passed down from parent to child but i think it's pretty likely that some data gets passed down and not just from interacting with the parents while you're growing up I think shit you I think you get some that maybe you don't know what it is right maybe you don't recognize it right there's some memories

in your head or something basic understanding of what's bad and good absolutely I think that's why some people are afraid of spiders because it's some shit that's in their DNA They know They know Like they have a particular fear Of something Right Because somewhere in their memory Someone's DNA

Had I got bit by a spider Right Interesting It was like an imprint Yeah And I think We are just slow As fuck

Like every other thing On this planet When you see an eagle A thousand years ago It looks like a fucking eagle It's gonna look like a fucking eagle a thousand years from now. They got the design down.

That's it. It swoops in, it gets the salmon, that's all it needs to do. It's great. It's got it down. But we can't keep up with this fucking thing we made.

So this thing we made is going to take over. Why don't we slow it down? Why don't we legislate it and say let's just not, why do we have to be victims of this? We can stop it. We can shut it down, right?

That's a good question. I just don't think anybody would ever do it because I think everybody is profiting. I mean, there's so many countries that are profiting off it, so many businesses that are profiting off it, so many people like you and me that use it. All the time. The conveniences of having a nice cell phone. I mean, as comedians now, a lot of our lives and careers are at the mercy of algorithms. 100%. The algorithm now is the gatekeepers are done.

They're done. 100%. The algorithm now is, the gatekeepers are done, they're done, it's the algorithm. They're deciding who sees your stuff and who can see it and who becomes a fan and who doesn't. Yes.

So that's AI already running our careers and lives. Well, that's programmed. I mean, what that is is like computer learning and their algorithm is essentially just set up to figure out

how to make the most money possible. Right. And it turns out that's keep us arguing with each other. Right. How to make the most money possible. Right. And it turns out that's keep us arguing with each other. Right. Make the most money possible. It's really kind of fucked up. Yeah.

Imagine if it got like, if it got like extra money for us beating the fuck out of each other. Like, what if someone made like a Twitter or a Tinder. Right. For just people to meet and beat the fuck out of each other legally. Yeah. Like, what if like people. That'll happen.

Oh, well, I mean, why not right now? Maybe I just invented it. There you go. But you have a Tinder where people could just meet up somewhere and just beat each other's asses. And it turns out that's more profitable because more people want to watch you beat the fuck out of each other than even turning you on to the new abortion article on Facebook. Right.

Or something about climate change. Because you really, really, really engage and people are beating the fuck out of each other. What is it that makes... When people are fighting, why is it that these guys are making more money? Is it because we're just on more? We're online more because we're fighting.

Yes. So I'm going to get the Starbucks gift card because I'm fighting with my aunt who thinks she's QAnon or whatever. Also because they know what you've been Googling. Say maybe you've been Googling a Rolex, a specific Rolex. You're like, you really got my eye on it. Right. And then it starts

showing you those ads in your feed did you know that like if you google something I will google something and I'll google a hotel because I'm like I wonder how much it costs

for that hotel I'm going to this town and then they will give me on my Facebook you know news feed ads for the hotel oh yeah so as long as you're on

so negativity will just keep you on those sites yes if you're here's the thing will just keep you on those sites. Yes. Here's the thing. Most of my recommendations are all muscle cars and martial arts stuff and hunting stuff. Those are the things that I watch.

So that's most of the recommendations that I get. But Ari did a trick. The puppies. Yeah, the puppies thing. And it really worked. But if you're a person that's just mad all the time, is looking for fucking conspiracies, looking to off my facebook is all negative like facebook doesn't have anything positive now every status is like i just had a knee operation there's dead dogs everywhere it's littered with dead pets uh everybody's like i you know can you help here's a go fund me my neighbor's house burned down like everything is just human tragedy yeah and finding

there's money in that right is? Is that what it is? Nobody on Facebook is like, by the way, I had a great day and I just love my family. Everybody's like, I need help right now or I'm going to die. Facebook, it turned, it was college kids trying to have a bit about it. These were college kids just trying to fuck. And now it is the complete opposite, which is elderly people screaming at each other. Well, it's become more of an old person's thing too, right a boomer thing and my aunt loves it she's on facebook all the time talking about she thinks she's talking to trump on facebook that's hilarious directly well

she has a few glasses of wine and percocet and she goes in and you know you know somebody's good when they get on facebook and they go i just got out of facebook jail that's my favorite oh when they get a little bit when they back, that's when you know you got a live one. They go, I just got out of Facebook jail, so I'm going to take it slow. And then they start, within a few statuses, they start getting back into like, hey,

here's Nancy Pelosi's address and Michelle Obama's a man or whatever. That's a big one. That's a big one now. Huge. That's a big... I don't know if you know this. This is a giant conspiracy theory. That Michelle Obama's a man. That's a big one now Huge That's a big I don't know if you know this This is a giant conspiracy theory That Michelle Obama's a man Eddie Bravo was on this He was an early adopter

I had somebody Who was kind of intelligent That I respect Tried to tell me He was like It's true Oh dude There's a lot of people

That believe this It's hilarious It's kind of wild though They think either She's a hermaphrodite Or she's a transvestite Is it just based on the way That her pants like bunch up No it's nonsense transvestite or transsexual. Is it just based on the way that her pants bunch up?

No, it's nonsense. Of course. It's nonsense. Yeah, the image is based on her pants bunching up, 100%. But somebody pretended. Oh, Joe claims he has proof. I mean, listen, he wasn't wrong about Epstein. Hey, he's right about a lot of shit.

He's right about a lot of stuff. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. Maybe that was back when Alex was drinking. He's having fun. August of stuff. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true, but that's just part of his... He's having fun. August 2017. That was his late summer episode. He was getting torched then.

Alex told me he is 90 days clean. 90 days. I want to go on InfoWars in December. My goal, I really want to go on InfoWars in December and wear Santa hats with him and sing like Happy Holidays. He'll fucking do it. I really want to do that. Just schedule something at Cap City. Yeah, I would love fucking do it. I really want to do that. Just schedule something at Cap City.

Yeah, I would love to do it, and I want to go on there. But during the holidays, we could have Santa hats on, and it would be nice and festive. I did a show last time I was there. Yeah. I love Cap City. It's a great club. Cap City's one of the greatest clubs of all time. Well, Austin's a great town for comedy.

It's a great town. They like to laugh at themselves. Well, they're very unusual. Yes. In that they're Texas, but they're also like a little San Francisco. Right. You know, it's like San Francisco fucked Texas. Absolutely.

No, Texas would fuck San Francisco. Texas is fucking San Francisco. Texas is doing the fucking. But San Francisco would only come if there's weird shit involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you gotta. They'd have to bleed or something. You gotta hold them down.

Austin's fun because they laugh at themselves. It's that weird collision of we are certainly Texas. You're in – it's the capital of Texas. Yeah. But you have a lot of progressive people. So that fusion, I think anytime you have a – like Boston's a great comedy town or D.C., it's because there's a natural tension that you can kind of just touch on those tension points as a comedian. Because Boston has like a lot of working class people, a lot of Ivy League

people. There's a lot of race issues. D.C. is the whole political divide. So I think if you touch on those tension points, and Austin certainly has them. Yeah. It's got everything. Yeah. It's a weird mixture of cowboys and hippies and really liberal folks.

Barbecue restaurants where you got to wait nine hours to get in. Psychedelic culture. Yeah. A lot of artists. It's a very interesting look. liberal folks barbecue restaurants we gotta wait nine hours to get in psychedelic culture yeah a lot of artists it's a very interesting look like i'll point at a restaurant i'll be like is that a homeless shelter they'll be like no it's the highest rated restaurant in the state you know it's an odd place things that don't hang themselves senator kennedy drops epstein joke demands answers at hearing it's a hearing today and the Senator Kennedy said He cracked an episode Is this one of the Kennedys?

I guess, right? It's too long Let me find the shorter one, sorry That's okay, we don't need to hear it I like that they're having fun with it I don't know who he is He's trolling He's trolling

He's getting his name out there He's having fun I like that they're having fun with the idea that a cabal of pedophiles run the government They're just having fun Dude You're freaking me out I mean, listen, maybe that's not the case i don't know i'm sure we'll get to the bottom of everything okay it's probably the case unfortunately

i'm sure everything will be okay it's just what a it's what a sick fucking reality it's a sick reality and whatever whatever we do know of it for sure is a problem is a real problem it's a real big problem and i think that there's a lot of people that are just like i said when we talked last time i said it's not in your daily life you don't think about this shit right you don't think about those crazy sites on the dark web they're getting three or four hundred thousand hits where it's like who the fuck are those people right who are those people signing onto the dark web to watch all this fucked up shit somebody out there you're somebody in a cubicle right now is sitting next to somebody who's a monster. And you would never know it.

Because you're like, hey, how are you? And there's a coffee machine working. And they go home and God only knows. Right. Because it's like there's just a lot. These human trafficking sweeps, when they sweep these people up, there's like a lot of them. Yeah. It's really wild. Do you know that I read somewhere that there's more slavery today, right now, than was in 1865 when they made slavery illegal?

That is interesting. So when slavery was legal in the United States in 1864, there's more slavery today. In places like Libya? All over the world. In Africa and stuff? Just the sheer numbers of the world. Do they count people that are working at Foxconn? Youling do you think they count people that work he's very skeptical he's like i've read that more than once now i'm pretty close to being jamie checked out at michelle

obama was a man he's like he's like these these guys are on the road i'm not going down eddie sent me like a one of them boomerangs 40 million supposedly i mean they're they're what slavery that is including us sex trafficking any human trafficking victims there's lots of are they including people that work for apple and like those factories foxconn those are crazy right that seems odd it seems odd that we go well you know that's how they do it there what incidents modern day slavery are only likely to increase as a result some of the biggest challenges facing the world today so they're they're saying there's an estimated 40 million people are enslaved around the world, and a quarter of them are children.

Now, let's Google how many slaves were there in 1864. In America, we're arguing about whether the chicken sandwich shop we like supports our views. Yes, it's very important. That's where we're at. We get behind butt-fucking. Right, or not. You mean like in America or the world? Yes, yes, yes. Or just in America? Well, if they have the world, it's very important. That's where we're at. Right, or not. You mean like in America or the world? Yes, yes, yes. Or just in America.

Well, if they have the world, they'll be great if you find them worldwide. I thought it was very fun watching fat people threaten Chick-fil-A. Well, the Chick-fil-A thing is strange because are they affecting policy? If they're affecting policy, I understand why people would be concerned. I mean, who knows? They're probably, listen, they're a corporation. They probably looked at themselves and said, we want to expand it to more liberal

cities and shit. Okay, here it goes. Yeah. Who knows? They're probably, listen, they're a corporation. They probably looked at themselves and said, we want to expand into more liberal cities and shit. They're not, you know. Okay, here it goes. Yeah. Wow. It was only 31 million people back in 1860. That's total.

That's the whole population. That's everybody. Yeah. Three million. Wow. Dude, stop. We had less people. Just stop and look about that.

In 1860, the census counted 31 million people in the united states right right three thousand nine hundred of them were slaves three million three million excuse me three million nine hundred fifty three thousand nine hundred sixty seven hundred sixty of them were slaves and most of them were irish so it's one tenth yeah one tenth of them were slave more it's more than one yeah one-tenth of the people it was bad it was bad out of 10 people was a slave that's insane yeah it was not a good that was not a good period dude that's insane yeah that wasn't our best time just stopping that that's hard to believe well that's why people don't understand i think when they when they

talk about like you know racism being over it's like this was a massive thing and it didn't stop at slavery it was like another hundred years of people not you know being denied opportunities not just that people being murdered murdered and pulled not only that being pulled over by cops and yeah disappeared trumped up tribes and they just sent him to jail and make him work for nothing crazy they basically reinstated slaves as a lot of these jails. Yeah, they have a lot of prison labor. What Tulsi called Kamala Harris out. Yes. Kamala Harris is like one of these people. She went hard at her.

Yeah. What's going on with, do you think Tulsi is, I mean, she's not polling well. I don't know about any of that stuff, dude. Yeah, she's an intro. I'm the wrong guy. If I'm talking about it, you know what it's like? It's like a guy who doesn't know jack shit talking to me about the UFC. Right.

That's how I sound. That happens. All the time. Yeah. And I i have to go that's not really how it works right let me explain this is the situation i think she's i mean i like her i like that she went back at hillary that was a do you think hillary's getting back in i don't think so i don't think so not with all this epstein thing she's probably got to kill a few more people she's probably busy great conspiracy theory b Biden wins. He has Hillary as his VP. He gets impeached because of the Ukraine stuff, and then Hillary becomes the president.

How Tulsi Gabbard's feud with Clinton helped extend her time in the spotlight. Yeah, well. They're always going negative at her. Well, because she doesn't take any of their bullshit. She rocks the boat. She gets all her money from the public. It's like Sanders. They don't fuck with Sanders either.

Mainstream outlets don't really fuck with Sanders. But no they're not going to and they're not going to fuck with her either and the two of them together would almost be unstoppable they're trying to there's a coronation with elizabeth warren those two together tulsi and sanders would be crazy i mean i know she wants to be president totally and i would vote for her i guess i say i guess because i look i would vote for i would vote for bernie too though bernie has a lot of interesting things. I'm curious. I'm curious as to how this is all going to play out.

I really am. I'm really curious. The whole thing is like, whew, where does this go? It's a crazy election. And it's crazy that when you look at the spate of Democratic candidates, you're like, there's nobody under 70? I wish Bernie didn't have a heart attack. I know, me too. But I think, you know, listen, people have heart attacks.

Did you hear that there were, it turns out probably false, but there were rumors over the last couple of days that Trump might have had a heart attack or had some sort of heart problem because he was in, like, some people were reporting that he was rushed to the hospital over the weekend and they hadn't seen him for a couple of days. He came out this morning and said he didn't have a heart attack.

It's like he actually addressed it. Wait, who came out and said it said he didn't have a heart attack it's like he actually addressed it who came out and said it trump did yeah yeah when someone tells you they didn't have a heart attack you're like why did you tell me that i just love that we're being yeah we're being run by people that are just getting ready to leave the planet yes it's really crazy and they're all scrambling in this power game that they're playing it's really weird yeah can you imagine being that old and being billionaire? I mean, he's at least $1 billion. He's got like $3 billion.

And still wanting the job of being the president. Well, because I think money is anticlimactic. Yeah, I'm sure. I had a very routine physical. Yeah. Jumping sisters, speculation intensifies. I just, listen, if you're going to bed at night and you think this guy cares about you or you think any of them care about you, I just don't.

I can't get on board with that. Well, that guy is like he's in constant conflict. Not like a soldier is, but almost. And you have to really think about that. You have to really think about the constant conflict that you're engaging in if you're the president of the United States. Whether you like that president or not. Obama was in constant conflict. This guy's in constant conflict.

These guys are freaking out to have that many people upset at you, that many people plotting against you, that many people that want to impeach you, that many people that don't want your policies,

that many people that want to hold you by everything you've ever done ever in your whole life and bring it up every time you hold a press conference and every day

is a fucking war. Right, yeah. It's a war. You can't be worried about, you could be worried about people in a very general sense yeah but i don't think it's possible like when i got shit because i said when obama was crying because of a school shooting i was like listen presidents kind of choose when to cry yeah you know people got mad at me about that i'm saying that's not that he doesn't have emotion but this is also a guy that's ordered the deaths of people daily you know what being president's like yeah it's like every four years they hire a new man or woman someday maybe to kill the unkillable dragon right every year the person tells you i got it i got it i got it i'm slaying

it i'm gonna fucking nail it i got a plan we're gonna put it together right if you make me the dragon slayer we're fucking peace here in mudville yeah and then they come out of the cave and they're like i've made a deal with the dragon no they go and try to kill the dragon they get fucked up nobody ever kills the dragon no it's not meant to be killed the system's not designed to be but you can't say that people get mad because they're like oh you're cynical you're this but with this system that we're in right now it's not really designed for a wholesale reimagining. Well, it's also not.

It's not designed for 320 million people. Right. No one ever thought that was going to happen. Right. Right. I mean, these fucking people that came over here, man, they were riding around on horses. Do you ever read those like, the Pentagon estimates for like the future of like mega cities? Oh, my God.

What's going to happen to places like LA and New like mega cities what's going to happen to places like LA and New York where you're just going to have endless you know population and then strife

and unrest and problems with yeah dude I mean it's kind of terrifying when you read that stuff well with the

Andrew Yang stuff with his theories about automation and then on top of that you put them all together. It's a problem. Overpopulation.

It doesn't matter what Ocasio-Cortez tweets or Trump tweets. We're fucked. Did you see that one with Ocasio-Cortez and this giant transsexual gal in this beautiful outfit? I mean, I don't know how tall AOC is. She looks like she's about 5'7 to me. Probably. This lady next to her is a gigantor. And what was it?

And she's painted orange with white face paint and she's clapping. And what was this about? What was it for? Apparently, AOC went to a show and she was just giving the gal props. Yeah. And clapping and she was like super animated. You don't really see a congresswoman do. Yeah. And this trans woman was beyond thrilled i'm assuming it was a true did you see the one

where they're at the rally and they start talking about eating the babies that's amazing where aoc somebody stands up that i mean that's one of the funniest things is that someone who's doing like an onion thing i hope so i think so i think that's somebody who's just doing a you know character you know or someone who's just doing a character. Or someone who's legitimately mentally ill. Somebody who's legitimately mentally ill. But it was too funny and too good where I'm like, no, this is somebody who's really... Because they got into it. You could see...

I love that. It's like the scene from Borat where he's doing the thing at the rodeo. And you could see their faces starting to change because they're like, oh, wait, something's off. You could see Ocasio-Cortez's face start to change as a woman started talking about eating infants. And you could see Ocasio-Cortez. Yeah, I remember this.

So good. Getting rid of fossil fuel is not going to solve the problem fast enough. A Swedish professor saying, we can eat dead people, but solve the problem fast enough a swedish professor saying you know we can eat dead people but that's not fast enough so i think your next uh campaign slogan has to be this we got to start eating babies we don't have enough time there's too much co2 all of you oh my god this is amazing like you know now that i her, I'm like, maybe it is a real person. I think it's a real person.

I love it. There's something too good about it. If it's not a real person, she's going to be the star of one of the Melissa McCarthy movies. Yeah, she's amazing. We just heard her say that. And as I was Googling it, Snopes came up. And it says, did an AOC supporter suggest that fact-check mixture of results? I'm not going to go to the thing to read what they say,

but why wouldn't they just say true? Because that's what it said. Well, because it might have been a joke. I think Snopes leans pretty hard left in establishment. They're very establishment. They check things against mainstream organs of opinion. Yeah. Oh, this is great.

It might be. Might be. What does it say? A woman in town. It's true. Yeah. They have stunts of doing this, a conspiracy group. She was an AOC supporter.

Okay. They stated the internet troll was to troll Ocasio-Cortez. And good job. A conspiracy group. Great job. She apparently was working at the behest of a fringe conspiracy group with a history of such stunts. Of course.

Yeah, why not? Of course. Have fun. Right, have fun. Have fun. And it seemed fake, right? It seemed real. It seemed real.

But it seemed like there's no way someone really would want to eat babies. It's an extreme position. Fuck, yeah. It's an extreme position. I just love. Did you see the video with her and the trans lady? Yeah. I was looking for that. I saw it, but I was trying to find it again. It's an extreme position. I just love. Did you see the video with her and the trans lady? Yeah. I was looking for that.

I saw it, but I was trying to find it again. That's insane. This lady's like. You think she would ever come on this show, Ocasio-Cortez? Yeah, sure she would. Interesting. I'd be nice to her. Yeah.

I like her. Yeah, she's sweet. She's 28. She's daft. Yeah. She said we're going to get rid of planes. Is that what she said? Yeah, come on.

She's a silly girl. She's a bartender two years ago pouring soco lime shots you need a fucking far left to balance off the far right

yeah you need extremes everybody just needs to be a little more reasonable you need just crazy people reasonable and see it's great that we have a game show host versus a bartender

yeah that's perfect which one's the game show host again Trump oh that's right and then she's a bartender and this is how it ends. Listen, she could be president. I will make Logan Paul president.

Dude, in 10 years? He's a smart guy. He will run. YouTubers are going to have millions of dollars, millions of fans, and no skills when they're all 40. It's true. I will make him the president of the United States. He will not be that bad at it.

He's disciplined. He's got a heart. I will be his Steve Bannon. I'm going to get involved in that. He's already had two fights. Two boxing matches in front of the whole world. I think the next group of political figures

may come from the internet. They may be YouTubers. It's possible. Did you watch that fight? I watched a little bit of it. What did you think? They're not bad. They got I mean, they got wild. They worked their asses off. Yeah, they clearly did. They were in real good shape to fight six rounds.

The thing that happened when he hit him when he was down, that two-point thing that he lost, is that legit? You're not supposed to hit someone when they're down. Okay. There it is. Look at that. Give me some volume. Can you do that or no?

Bad idea? Amazing. Impeccable. Genius. Can you believe it? It'sccable genius from the revolutionary of our time i love you so much thank you for me what's the hug oh adorable somewhere papu cannon is sitting there being like you see that threw me off so hard what were we just talking about before that um the ksi logopal fight oh yeah so they got wild um it's hard to keep your shit together when you're fighting in front of all those people. But if one of them had been able to keep their shit together and not go wild and just box,

I don't know which one boxes better. It seems like Logan Paul was training with Shannon the Cannon Briggs, who's legit as fuck. I mean, he was one of the top heavyweights in the world, former world champion. I mean, he knows how to teach box. He knows how to fucking box. Right. As good as it gets. Yeah.

So he was working with Logan Paul. And he said some crazy shit like Logan Paul could be heavyweight champion of the world. He's white. He got money. Yeah. I'm saying he could be the president. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know about that, but I do know he's a real athlete.

He's an athlete. Yeah. 100%. He dedicated himself to it. I mean, I did a podcast at that, but I do know he's a real athlete. He's an athlete, yeah. 100%. He dedicated himself to it. I mean, I did a podcast at his house, and he was training all day, ice bath, all the things, you know, whatever. You can tell. You can tell. And the same thing with KSI.

They're both athletes. They both know how to fight a little bit, and they probably fuck up someone who's not as good as them. But they both got wild. And what that means is you you start swinging for the fences and sometimes you land and sometimes you don't but if one of them could have stayed technical and just boxed and just fired off sharp jabs and clean right hands and moved a lot and kept your hands up and boxed don't get emotional if they could just box and not get emotional they'd start landing

and if you start landing you start hurting the guy you guys start hurting the guy with punches that aren't your hardest shot. You're not winding up with them. You're not exposing yourself. You're just fighting technically. That's the difference between someone who knows how to box a little bit and start slugging versus someone who's smart and someone who understands that when you're under duress,

when you're under duress, you have to keep your calm and be able to see everything. And the more you tighten up, the harder it is to see things. And then you start swinging and you're barely paying attention. Right? Right. You might land. You might knock the guy out still.

You still have power. It's not an absolute thing. Right. But when you look at guys who are really good boxers, like Floyd Mayweather does not get into fucking slugfests. Right. You know? He just executes everything. He's executing.

He's figuring you out. He's finding the holes. He's popping them in there. He's not getting hit. And then eventually he starts chopping people down and breaking them down. And that's what he did with Conor. Conor had, I mean, it was a great money grab for Conor, but that didn't make any sense. But these guys, what they are is they're both at a similar

level. The reason why it's so fun to watch is because they're both like they can hit a little bit. They both are good athletes. And they're both like at a similar level the reason why it's so fun to watch is because they're both like they can hit a little bit they both are good athletes yeah and they're both kind of learning how to fight and they're both super fucking famous yeah online yeah and then they get together and then they're even bigger it was explosive they sold out the fucking state what does that hold i don't know it's crazy 20 000 people it's a lot of people it's a lot of people it was one of the biggest internet events, you know? Oh, yeah.

Because, yeah. And it was a good fucking fight. It's wild. In terms of like entertainment value, they went after it. They didn't. But I think if one of them learned how to just box, just stay like a fucking samurai and just box and never let that emotion get a hold of you. Hard to do.

Yeah, in the Staples Center. Very hard to do. It's always hard to do. But it's even more hard to do yeah in the staples center it's always hard to do but it's even more hard to do when you talk shit to each other is it is there a similarity when you're when you're playing arenas now is that different when you're in an arena versus you being a smaller venue well it's nothing like a fight well of course the thing about fights is like here it comes here it comes here it comes it's happening right it's like all the preparation all your nightmares you get knocked out all the weird feelings you like you get hurt in training you have to work around it it still

hurts when you get in there all that stuff that they're dealing with when they go in there is like stand-up times a million like the the thing about stand-up is if like if you do your prep work and you get your shit together you could do it many many nights in a row correct they can't do that that's true there's one one night. One chance. One chance. One chance. You know that one time you did a joke and it just came out like shit? Yes.

And you're like, fuck, I wish I could do that show again. Right. It rots you away. It rots you away. Well, sometimes people have moments like that athletically. You fucked up. Your chin was up high. You came in swinging.

You got clipped. Once you got clipped in the first round, you tried to box in the second and third, and then he takes you out in the fourth, and you're like, fuck. If I just played my fight right and played my game right, I could have outboxed him. But instead, I did something stupid and I got clipped. But then it's also, I guess, part of it is the show.

Part of it is the spectacle. Well, I'm saying it's so much easier to do comedy. No, of course. It's sort of enclosed. Of course. I do want to fight Chelsea Handler. That's a good fight that's a great fight

me and Chelsea should be down with that first of all what would you fight over I mean her latest documentary it's Hello Privilege it's me Chelsea

we'll fight over that which was wild I mean you know it was a little wild did you see it no it's her talking about

white privilege in the back of her Bel Air mansion in the backyard it's a fun one and I just think she should go around and apologize for all the things. Like, she should go to the Gaza Strip and do, hello, Gaza, it's me, Chelsea. And Tuskegee Airmen, hello, Tuskegee, it's me, Chelsea.

I don't think they're allowed. Yeah, well, right. No, she's got to go to graves. She should just apologize for everything America's ever done. Go to Native Americans. You know, no, I mean, I kid around. But maybe these, It's a joke. Don't...

You know, this is a joke, but maybe these celebrity fights are going to be bigger things. Yes. Didn't Bieber challenge Tom Cruise? Yes, he did. I mean, Tom Cruise didn't accept.

Out of nowhere. Yeah. Out of nowhere. Bieber just wants to fight. I think Bieber's hilarious. He's probably high. He likes to fight. I think he's sober now, right?

Is he sober? My friend saw him the other day in a luncheon at Beverly Hills, and sober wouldn't be the first word that would be used. Maybe smoking that reefer. Yeah. Again. He can have fun.

He's in a war zone. His life's a war zone. It's wild. Became famous when he was like six years old. As a young, yeah. It's wild. It's wild. Could you imagine the type of gals that put that punana in a fucking slingshot and yeah

and he sent it his way he's grown up he's grown up with that he's grown up with NDAs oh god yeah and bodyguards everywhere

I know everywhere you go you're yeah so he wants to fight Tom Cruise he's probably like hoping Tom Cruise kills him like take me out of this

well somebody was on a somebody was on a flight one day with Leonardo DiCaprio and the plane was like going down and leo wasn't nervous and my friend was like losing their mind because they were nervous and leo just kind of sat there cool and i'm like yeah because that's the only thing he hasn't done yet he's been in a plane crash he's done it all he's done it all he's ready to go he doesn't need to be a legend what experience do you need to have if you're leo probably he was also absorbing the emotions of almost dying in a plane crash and then just to use them.

That's a real sociopath. That's a real sick person. He's just recording it. Yeah, actors are sick. He's not sick. He's involved in charities. Oh, sure they are. He's a piece of shit.

I'm sure no one's laundering money. No. No one's laundering any money. No. It's real charities. How many people had to do with that Fyre Festival? How many people? How many people?

A lot of people. Ja Rule many people? A lot of people. Ja Rule. Yeah. A bunch of people. That's one of them things where you're like, wait, what? What happened there? Yeah. Well, it's the, I mean, yeah, it's one of those things where the original fire festival

was like the Iraq war, you know? And it was just like- I couldn't even watch the documentary. I watched both of them. I was cringing so hard. It's so great though. Yeah. It's fun to see.

I was squirming in my seat. I was trying to watch on a plane. It's fun to see people who want to do something stupid or something ridiculous. Yeah. You know, people that are status obsessed and everything get what's coming to them. What's this? Ja Rule dismissed from $100 million Fire Festival class action lawsuit. He skated away.

How did he get dismissed? Lucky him. He didn't know. He skated away. He probably didn't have anything to do with the business aspect of it. He's a fucking rapper, right? He probably got together with that dude.

That dude lied to him. He thought the guy was telling the truth. Next thing you know, he's involved in a lawsuit. Think of the people that day of Fire Festival. This is my favorite part of the documentary. When they know that it's never going to work. Right. That's an interesting, they know that it's all over.

Yeah. And then the people are hitting the island that day. It's wild. Can you imagine also thinking your first promotion, what is your first promotion? You do a theater? You're going to try to fill a small theater? No, no, no. My first one one I'm gonna

do an island have people fly in and I'm gonna feed them bologna sandwiches on white style people with supreme shirts are gonna come in and eat Katrina food did you see wild wild country no what is that is that the sex cult yeah yeah I've been told by multiple people to see that. You need to watch that. I got to get into that one. If you think that Fyre Festival is cringy, you watch this. That one is bad, too.

You're just going to be like, what is happening? And is it a sex cult? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like six episodes. Is it like six? Four? Something like that?

Is it one of those where by the end you can't feel bad for the people? No, you feel bad, man. You still do? I feel bad about cults because I've been a moron most of my life. I've never got roped into a cult, but I've been lucky. Cults have never wanted me. I've been lucky with nice parents. I've been lucky.

I grew up in a pretty nice neighborhood. You never look? Because every now and then I'll look at the Scientology building and go, huh. Oh, I did when I moved here. Sometimes I go, what's that? When I moved here, I bought a Dianetics book on the TV app. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know what it meant. You didn't know what it was. You were curious. I had self-help. I had Anthony Bourdain. Not Bourdain. Anthony Robbins. I had all of his cassettes.

All his cassettes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that fucking get your shit together cassettes. Yeah, yeah. I got to get my shit together. I was always trying to get my shit together. So you just thought Dianetics. And did you read it dying out and did you read what it was and were you like this is i ordered the book i got the book in the mail and like most of those books back then i would

read them like four or five times and pick it up read it for 10 minutes i'm like what am i doing and i put it down like maybe i went through a whole chapter maybe like right best case scenario most of the time i just said i'm like this isn't working for me. I wasn't disciplined. Like I was scatterbrained. And so I was always looking for something back then when I was in my 20s. Yeah. Something to give me discipline. Well, there's a lot of people in LA too.

A lot of people come to LA looking for something to fill a void in a life. Yeah. Cults thrive here. Now, if you grew up, the thing is if you grew up in an Orthodox religion, in a religion that's like very rigid and you trust in them even if it doesn't make any sense like um i know a lady who did that where she grew up in the mormons and then she got out of the mormons and once she got out it was really hard for her to tell if people were full of shit she she felt like she was it was too easy to dupe her right get taken in by cult people

taken in by spiritual people taken in by kooks she just put that yeah aura out there that well she just was not aware of bullshit right she believed such crazy bullshit for so long like if you're willing to believe that joseph smith found golden tablets that contained the lost magic underwear and only he could read it because he has a magic seer stone and then when the people came to read them the angels took them away because God didn't believe you trusted him. Nuts.

That the Native Americans were a lost tribe of Israel it's like wacky. If you're going to do that why not? You believe anything. Why not believe anything? If I grew up like that i would be like that that's the that's the insidious part about cults like i got real lucky my parents you know my my stepdad's a hippie my parents were kind of hippies when i was a kid we got a chance to see

all different parts of the country san francisco florida b, but I never got roped into any religion or any cult. But if I was there and they took me in when I was six or seven, you're telling me I wouldn't have figured it out or I wouldn't have got stuck? I would have got stuck. Most of us would have got stuck. Yeah. Most of us, if we were young and impressionable-

It's interesting. I was a part of our community, I'd get roped into it. I know people that came out of really religious upbringings and it does, it's interesting, it does part of our community to get roped into it i know people that came out of you know really religious upbringings and it does it's interesting it does something yeah you know some of those people are are a lot of those people happen to be very trusting when they get out of those it's interesting you'd think they'd be yeah you'd think they'd be more skeptical but they're actually very trusting when they get out of those things it's a weird thing man when you think about getting roped into a cult yeah you're a young person you ever talk to well i know quite a few people that have had those kind

of experience when they're younger too you ever talked to metzger yeah i mean kurt was uh was a jehovah's witness yeah yeah his story's crazy it's a wild story it's it's all these wacky different ideologies. There's so many of them. Yeah. And I love that his mom was in sales. That's what me and him talk about because I was a sales guy, and that's another cult. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so beginning in that.

So me and him always talk about that. Like, that is also. Like, really good salespeople must be really good at picking up chicks, right? They're really good at everything. I mean, they're really good at arranging the world in a way that allows them to and i think a lot of good sales people the ones that i've observed they don't overthink they they don't they there's a simplicity to what a good sale is i'm sure that you can write about it make it more complex but at the end of the day there's just a a a it's like our lizard brains there's something that happens like on a subterranean level

where you walk in with with a certain amount of confidence and you know all of those hack lines in sales work like hack comedy sometimes work hack sales lines work when it's like all right so if i can do this and this does that make sense that makes sense to you and you say like when i was first telemarketing and selling mortgages and stuff, I would say, I can't say this on the phone. People are going to laugh at me. Right. If I say something patently ridiculous, like, listen, if I don't help you, I don't eat.

So let's just, you know, people are going to laugh at me. They're going to be like, this guy's ridiculous. But people are like, okay. Wow. Yeah, I'm like, really? I was also selling them in long island but the point is that those things work like those somewhat formulaic traps things work they were a little psychological trap yeah i mean sales is a business of imitation people and that's a lot of comedy as well right a lot of it yeah i think on the until you get

really good at it and then you either innovate or you really find what you're doing but even like with sales it's like a personality driven thing like you're trying to get this person to like you enough and also enjoy the product enough so you're trying to hype them up about it yeah you got to show a certain amount of enthusiasm yourself so it's contagious they got to like yeah yeah someone who's a good salesman will talk to you about certain objects with such enthusiasm that you'll get more hyped up about the i was always so bad that I wouldn't shut up because I wouldn't shut up. And a bad salesman just keeps going. Yeah.

It's hard to know when a good salesman can turn it on and not. You might be a bullshit customer. They don't want to give you the A game. Right. Well, I would just talk. I would get to the – there's a moment in every sale where you're supposed to leave it all on the table and not speak. Yeah.

And then whoever speaks first kind of loses. That's like a tried and true sales method so i'm like joe if i could do this you know wednesday whatever at this price does that work and then we just silent and then neither one of us is supposed to talk you're supposed to talk first and then you're you're supposed to submit and you know we're supposed to do the deal but i would like just go right back and i'd be like there's more we can do and And then the guy would be like, oh, this guy's a clown. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was something I was not meant to do.

Yeah, you can't. You can't really. I think those guys that are really good at that, you're given an indication that you should do it. But I was around a lot of bad salesmen and those, that's, it's just like bad, it's very sad. It's a weird thing, right? Because you're basically a charisma person.

Right. Like you're trying to smooth something. Like you shouldn't have to have a salesperson. You should be like, this is the price on that. Right. You want it? Yeah. Okay, if you want it, go talk to that guy and you can get it.

Yeah. But no, a guy's like, sir, can I help you? Welcome to Mercedes. Well, yeah. You know what? I see you in this car. Right. I see you in this car, Tim Dillon.

Oh, my God. The convertible. Yeah. Look at it. One button. Look I see you in this car. I see you in this car, Tim Dillon. Oh, my God. The convertible. Look. Look at one button. Look at that. Boom. Dude, you're driving.

The sky's overhead. You're the king of the world. I guarantee you, the way you'll feel hyped up in this car, it's going to make you kick ass in the office. Yeah. But see, I'd be so bad. They'd walk in the lot. I'd be like, do you like cars? That's how fucked I was.

I tried to sell copiers mortgages and sales guys are not guys that went to school these are guys that are going to work around the system and become millionaires right that's the way that we believe so we don't know anything about structure organization or right we're just throwing it at the wall like a lot of comics like a lot of comics a lot of comics just throw it at the wall and i i'm one of those people i'm guilty of that sometimes too where i'm like i threw it at the wall oh especially if you don't have a lot of sets like what if you're only doing three sets a week but when you when you tell us like the the work ethic when you're like in the car and you listen back you do two hours you listen back to the thing it's like we

were all just like okay well yeah this like especially as you get older like me um and you run out of like i have to make these fucking premises work and i'm doing a new special like every couple of years like you can't fuck around it's a heavy workload you gotta you gotta get that shit out there and you gotta you gotta tighten up those bits with the most like focus that you can give them during the time you go on stage at the store and you turn the lights off there's no crowd work, there's no, you just, you just, it's like you're doing a special every night. I'm just trying to tighten up these

bits, you know, and adding to them and taking away from them and fucking with them and it's the only way. Yeah. I've done it other ways. I've done it half-assed before where I only did a few sets a week and I recorded a special and it wasn't that good. And I've done it where I really hustled and it's always better. And I think um you know i think i think it's like a thing where you just kind of kind of

stay on it and then know like okay i think i got something here you gotta know like what do you what do you look at do you look at crowd work because every now and then if i do a bit it doesn't really work sometimes i'll try to crowd work the audience back to being on my side and then try the next bit is that cheating no it's never cheating it's never cheating i mean there's nothing wrong with crowd work crowd work is great right some great comics are great at crowd work right it's just i feel like every comic owes it to themselves to have material too of course i of course there's some guys that never developed material yeah that's why i only had a crowd work act. Right. Yeah. But it's, look, they can still work, but that seems like so crazy. No, you want to say what you're about and tell your jokes.

It's a different thing, too. It's like it's a fun thing to work the crowd, but you never get a well-crafted, well-honed bit. Never. That you're real proud of. And nothing works again. Like a crowd work bit, there's no legs. Sometimes I'll try the next night to reference something that happened

that I thought was funny, and if it's just not in the moment, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Yeah. It's a crazy gig, bro. We got the craziest gig ever. It's crazy, except Logan Paul and KSI. They have a crazy gig, too. It's a crazier gig. But our gig's weird because no one can teach you how to do it. Someone can teach you how to box. That's true. Your guy can teach you how to keep your

hands up, and punch comes this way. You gotta learn how to catch things and move. You gotta learn how to counter. Nobody can teach you. to do it. Someone can teach you how to box. That's true. A guy can teach you how to keep your hands up. Yeah. Punch comes this way. You got to learn how to catch things and move. Yeah. You got to learn how to counter. Nobody can teach you. No, you have to figure it out on your own. You can vary your approach so much in boxing, only so much, but in comedy, it's never ended. Do you think people getting into stand-up now because of the way that things are, everything's

social media driven, do you think that we're in the last era of like that traditional type of stand-up where a lot of people still it's like martial arts people are going to get better at they're going to want to do it people still want to do it yeah it's like people there's people still doing jujitsu of course they're always going to do it it's not it's it's not ever easy right it's never easy to do jujitsu dudes are trying to kill you they're fucking grabbing your arm right right you're always sore but people are going to keep doing it most people are not going to do it it's the same thing with stand-up although way more people are doing jujitsu than doing stand-up you know most people can do it because you don't have to have a certain personality like you do in stand-up yeah but if you could just put the time in you put the time in

you know if you're a reasonably funny person and you start doing it and you put the time in you put the time in you know if you're a reasonably funny person and you start doing it and you put the time in and you're a driven person you realize you can keep getting better if you keep paying attention to it you're gonna get addicted that's what happens you do get addicted what's even when it's killing nothing's more fun than killing when you especially like you're two years in you just start yeah you just start to figure it out get in every now and then you got one way you're starting to get Just starting to get paid. Doing gigs wherever you can. You're driving around with your friends. There's nothing funner.

I look back at those days. I'm so lucky that I'm still real good friends with Greg Fitzsimmons. Yeah. I almost forgot his name. Greg Fitzsimmons. That guy Greg. I almost fucked up his name. But we started out like within a week of each other.

Yeah. Yeah. So we knew each other forever. In Boston. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did a shit load of terrible gigs together.'s hilarious we yeah i forget about some of them sometimes and he tells me about them and i'll tell him about one that he forgot oh wow yeah you look back horrible bro and this is all 1988 1989 wow 1990 so you've seen the whole you know

explosions and you know it's like it's the bombs and busts and the whole thing. Dude, I got so lucky. It's like I was on a video game. Yeah. And the video game led me to, like, challenges in a very unusual spot. Like, I got so lucky that I walked into Boston right at the cresting of the wave of the comedy boom. I got here right before it hit the peak. And then it hit the peak while I was there and then dropped off right dropped off and then i left i left it right at the right time not that it's not a great time to be at right now right but back then there was three

comedy clubs on one block there was nick's comedy stopped and there was a comedy connection on the same street and then above it was the comedy the comedy um comedy what would he call it the comedy club at the charles playhouse yeah that's that's what it was and still some of the funniest people in the world are from that area in boston and then over here right across the street was a place called duck soup so there are four of them within walking distance three of them on one block yeah and then there was a dick dardy's comedy vault there was an old bank vault that was like a block away from that yes you could just bounce around and dude it was fucking crazy and these guys were murderers what made you want to do it initially like what was the thing that made you want to do it well i definitely didn't know um if i could do it until

i went to an open mic night but i had friends that had talked me into doing it okay guys that i worked out with i thought it was funny but i was saying a bunch of they think they thought you were maybe gonna go bomb or no no they were like you're funny i was a young kid i was 20 you know at this time 21 when i first started doing stand-up but 20 when i was thinking about it and i was just uh i just wanted a lot of attention and so i would say funny things when i knew that everybody was nervous right and so right before sparring, that was a big one. Everybody would be real nervous because we were sparring. It was hardcore, man.

Right. A bunch of dudes, like as good as me or better, are kicking each other. It's like, woo, dangerous. We saw guys get knocked down. It was scary. It scared the shit out of you. Like sparring. Sparring is scary.

And I would always make fun of things. We would go to tournaments. I'd make fun of people. I'd make fun of myself. I'd make fun of myself. I'd make fun of each other. I'd do impressions of my friends having sex. Right. This is what I think you sound like.

And everybody would be laughing. But I would just try to make them laugh. Right. But I didn't think, oh, I'm going to be a comedian. My friend Steve Graham, who I'm still good friends with to this day, was the one who told me, you should be a fucking comedian. That's crazy. Yeah.

And so what's the first open mic night that you walk into? August 27th, 1988, Stitch's Comedy Club. It's this little comedy club. Still there? No, it's not there anymore. It was... It was in like Massachusetts? It was next to another place that was like larger.

I can't remember the name of the other place, but the other place that was next to it that was really pretty big next to Stitch's, fuck, I wish I could remember, was like a rock club. And they occasionally have big acts there. And I went to see Jerry Seinfeld there. Wow. With this chick I was dating when I was like 19. It's 88. Yeah.

Wow. This was even before that. I went to see Jerry Seinfeld there before I ever did comedy. I went to see Jerry Seinfeld. I was maybe 20, like maybe. Wow. Somewhere around there. And how does that first set go?

It's terrible. Yeah, it was terrible. Because my first set was okay, but it was in like a coffee house, who cares, that barely counts. You were in an actual club. I was in an actual club, actual open mic night. Real, you know, I felt real weird. Weird to hear your voice on a microphone for the first time. Barely got laughs.

Got a couple of ha ha. Were your friends there? Yeah. A bunch of my friends. Guys that I'm still friends with. Shout out to Jimmy D'Atelio and Jimmy Lawless. Those guys were there. Some other people that I went to high school with were there. And it was terrible. It was terrible.

It's tough. You'll see a young guy Some other people That I went to high school with Were there And it was terrible It was terrible But they went to see me Every now and then You'll see a guy Young guy Whose family's in the audience And then he'll go up And just have a real rough Time Yeah man

It can happen You shouldn't bring your whole family It was a stupid move On my part I've done it I didn't want a drink Before I went on stage Yeah

One thing I did make a decision I said look If I have a drink right now Before I go on stage I'm probably gonna want one Every time I go on stage It's true Cause this was like Right when I started a drink right now before I go on stage, I'm probably going to want one every time I go on stage. It's true.

Because this is like right when I started legally drinking. Right. Because I had turned 21 on August 11th, and this was August 27th. So it was just a few weeks, a couple weeks. Right. And it was one of those, ooh, I don't know if you should do this. Right. Don't drink every time you get up there. Don't set this precedent.

Yeah. I was thinking that. Well, I was very aware of that. I was like, just go up there, because I was so scared. I was thinking that. Well, I was very aware of that. I was like, just go up there because I was so scared. I was hoping that they didn't call my name. There's nothing like the fear right before that first time. Oh, my God. It's a lot of fear.

Dude, I had fought so many times. Right. I don't even know how many times. For years and years, traveled all over the place, kicking people in the face, getting kicked. I mean, I did that all the time. And that didn't scare me as much as going on stage that first time. I was shitting my pants.

But once I did it once, it alleviated a lot of that. And it became less and less over time. After you did it, did you feel like, oh, fuck? It's still nervous. Oh, he's still nervous. You're like, I'm going to do this again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I thought immediately this was what I'm going to do.

Like, immediately. I've never had a voice in my head ever, but that time I did. That time I did, I was about to chicken out, and I heard a voice in my head say, no, this is what you're supposed to do. Now, clearly, I think that's my imagination, and clearly I think it's probably me knowing that I was going to be a pussy. So come on, stupid. So I was probably talking to myself inside my head.

But, dude, it felt real. It felt like a voice was telling me, don't be a pussy so come on stupid so i was probably talking to myself right inside my head but dude it felt real yeah it felt like a voice was telling me uh don't be a pussy this is what you're supposed to do come on just do it i think a lot of people have this is what you're supposed to do i think a lot of people have that i think i i wanted the first time i did i said maybe i should do it in a week maybe i'll be more prepared in a week yeah yeah maybe i'll push it off but then you just go i gotta just do it well the host of my first open mic night was Jonathan Katz oh yeah Dr. Katz Dr. Katz yeah famous Boston comic great guy and um he uh I put my name in for the list but there's a lot of people on the list and he wasn't sure whether or not I was going to get on and sometimes people would sign up and then they would chicken

out right so I'm in this position where he's like I'm not sure if we're going to be able to get you up. So give me a couple minutes and I'll know for sure. So during those couple minutes, I was thinking, I should just say, fuck this. I'm getting out of here. I'm shitting my pants. And then he came back. And then I had that thought that said, no, this is what you're supposed to do. Come on.

And I hung in there and then he came up to me and goes, hey, I'm going to be able to get you up. And I was like, oh, my God, here we go yeah that's always the word and that's the way that's happened to me where it's like they come up to you and you're almost waiting you're ready for him to go we can't do it tonight you go okay it's great yeah great don't worry about it but he goes no no you're good you're on next and you're like fuck yeah i think i had one or two people in front of me that everybody's doing five minutes one or two people in front of me where i could just relax but it was amazing you know it's like it allowed me to get my feet wet it allowed me to move my feet and i and it was also the first time i'd ever been i mean first time never seen like legitimate professional stand-ups performing in a club like that right like in those

environments with amateurs, like, the first time I ever saw, like, the stark difference between a guy like me and there was this guy, Teddy Bergeron, who was another Boston legend. He's a fucking animal. He was so funny. And there was a couple other guys

would stop by those open mic nights back in those days, like, pros, like, local pros. They'd do five, ten minutes, just work some material out, just stay sharp. There was always, everyone was staying sharp. Yeah. And you got to watch, that was the first time you got to watch that.

You got to see that and you're like, holy shit, like you can get to this level? Yeah. Like you see like a real pro, all smooth. Yeah. Murdering. And then you can see him do that same joke again and again and again and kind of break down the mechanics of it. Yeah.

And you say, oh, okay, I get how he's doing it. Yeah. Yeah. That's a cool thing about the store as well. It's great, yeah. We all get to watch each other work. And everybody's, you know, Tony Rock is different than Jessel Neck is different than you is different than Joey Diaz. Right.

Everybody's got their own style. Everybody has their own style. I saw Joey Diaz the other night in the original room. everybody has their own style I saw Joey Diaz the other night in the original room he was like I had rarely seen

sets like that where it was like he was just so fucking in a zone that it was like for that 10 minutes nobody was on the planet anymore

nobody was in the you know it was just like everybody had been elevated to somewhere else it was wild to watch he goes for it I was happy

I was not after him I was very happy I was not. That's a tough spot, son. I was like, oh, there's two people. But then it's like, well, I'm going to go after him one day, not tonight. Yeah. One day. Not tonight.

I'll sit in the back. He's a tough guy to go on after. He's a tough follow. You used to bring him to open all the time. Always. And one of the times I ate shit in New Jersey. Yeah. I ate shit and rascals going on after him.

Yeah. He was loose as fuck. And when I say ate shit, I pulled it ate shit in Rascals going on after him he was loose as fuck and when I say ate shit I pulled it off but not really you know what I mean they didn't get booed off the stage but I know it wasn't

very good and he fucking murdered and I remember something happened in the crowd he was fucking with them and it was just crazy there was a wild crowd

and I was stiff you know this was back then I was just more stiff do you ever feel that's my biggest problem is when I feel stiff on stage and I feel like I'm this is back then I was just more stiff do you ever feel that's my biggest problem is when I feel stiff on stage and I feel like I'm not in a groove

yeah I'm like I gotta this is a problem yeah it's hard it's hard to break out of that sometimes and back then I was terrible at it

I just didn't know but I thought to myself like taking him on the road with me is a great exercise it's like bringing a training partner with you that can

definitely strangle you yeah so you're forced to really up your game yeah if you're working with Joey Diaz you can't a lot of the great you gotta be sharp a lot of really good comics great comics bring openers that are that are you know good i think that's the move yeah because i've seen guys do the opposite and they do it on purpose they do it they think that what they're going to do is they're going to give people

uh like a shitty comic for like 15 20 minutes and then they're going to give people a shitty comic for 15, 20 minutes, and then they're going to go on after them and look like a hero. Right. I just don't think that's the way to go. No. I think it's also, it doesn't help anybody, because the shitty comics, the reality is a lot of people that are really, really shitty, they're not going to get much better. They hit the ceiling.

Yeah. I mean, occasionally people do. You can never say never because some people just figure things out. Some people have, you know, they start meditating.

They fucking concentrate. They turn it around. Yeah, they turn it around. They figure themselves out. They mature. Maybe they get their heart broken. Maybe they become a parent. That's a small minority.

Yeah, small minority. I mean, it's a small minority of any of us that make it. But out of all of us that do make it to a professional status, the ones that are really terrible in the beginning are rarely capable of progressing to a headliner state. What really shocked me is the amount of people that go from amateur to professional in this, it is a tiny fraction. It's a tiny fraction.

It's a tiny fraction of people that go from open mic nights to headlining at the improv. It's a super, of people that go from open mic nights to headlining at the improv yeah it's a super super super small fraction and it's not that they're not capable of it either because sometimes people just a little wrong zig or a little wrong zag and then they go off the track and then they don't come back you also have to not you have to like getting kicked in the face a little because things are gonna i mean you're gonna have those times when things are not good and yeah you have to deal with that yes yes like i remember one guy looked at me once he had a really rough set and he ended up quitting like two weeks later but he looked at me you could see it in his face he goes this wasn't fun and you could see he was internalizing that

in a way that was going to lead him eventually to the exit door i think sometimes that just you know it's the pain of the bombing. It's just like you're not equipped for it. Right. You know, at different points in your life, you're equipped for different kinds of pain, right? And sometimes the pain of that rejection of bombing is just you're already an emotional mess

and you're already so fucking barely hanging on. You know, you're so fragile. Yeah. And that hits you. That hits you. That pushes you off the ledge. Sometimes people aren't equipped to handle the killing. Oh yeah, that too.

The other side. People get legitimate fear of success. The pressure of the unknown is fucking scary. You'd rather know that you're not going to make it. You'd rather know that you're just going to make it you'd rather know that you're just going to be

a schlubby loser yeah because if you fail if you succeed you can fail yeah like if you take the real risk you can that's why like a lot of people

don't move to New York or LA because that's you can fail yeah in a real way there's a bunch of fears right there's a fear of

keeping up with people's expectations like when a comic starts to develop a fan base, you see that sometimes. They get scared. Yeah. They get scared these people are going to not like them someday. Or turn on them.

Yeah, or turn on them. Yeah. You know, people sense that too. Yeah. They know when you're scared of that. They know that they own you. They come to get you. They control you.

They come to get you. Yeah. Yeah. We've all seen guys go bonkers. I honestly think people used to go more bonkers back in the day when they got development deals. Yeah, they were just handed hundreds of thousands of dollars, millions of dollars. Not only that, but everybody had like some crazy story about their show definitely is going to go and already picked up by Universal. And they have a $1 million backup deal.

And Warner Brothers is really interested in it. Dude, you'd have these conversations with these people. And back in the deal days, you would say to a comic like, hey what's up he's like hey well everything's real good right now warner brothers picked up my pilot and i'm in the middle of this process where i'm taking my life story i'm gonna turn into a cartoon right yeah well i just want to say hi man bird told me he goes you know you used to do a five seven minute set at the improv and if you killed there was a chance somebody in the back had a bag of money. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes. Definitely festivals were big for that in the 90s. If you could kill at Montreal, you could get some sort of a deal. If you could kill in front of all those executives that are on vacation, Montreal was a big one. That was huge. Yeah, big, big, big. When I did it, my agent bought me a lunch. That's good.

I did great. It's worth lunch now. That's what it's worth now. That's what you get. You kill it at a great set and they go anywhere you want, which it was and it was where they wanted

but it was still fine. But the development deal thing, we got a smoked meat sandwich. What would happen with the development deal thing would be you would get a deal and then you'd be convinced your show was going to go

and then you started acting like you were famous. And there was... Right. A lot of that. Now people do that after they have one Conan set that no one watched. a lot of that that's now people do that after they have one conan set that no one watched a lot of that like yeah my agent at the time would get she had clients that would you know they would just run up to her and just at any moment want to discuss their career

like in depth like at the laugh factory you know phone calls at one o'clock in the morning like people are nuts and they they started demanding that you treat them like the up-and-coming star that they know they are and a shit ton of them just went away man and a lot of that and it was just people they were like this it's all happening and they just let it get to their head well but and then if you're the head of a show like you know you know, I talked to Roseanne about it. She was talking about how she went fucking bonkers when she was running her original show and was making all that fucking money, like, out of nowhere. Right. You know, that's one of the reasons why I work so hard to, like, get her comfortable and talk to her on the show and get her to open up about who she really is. Most people don't even know the story about her getting hit in the head by a car when she was 15, spending nine months in a mental health institution.

Crazy. Like, that's what she is, man. She's like a legit head injury, a head trauma victim. And a brilliant comic. And one of the best comics ever. Right. But people need to understand, like, if you guys really respect mental health, like you say you do, if you're really really compassionate like you say you are this is

not a bad person she's not a bad person she's a person who was hit by a fucking car yeah when she's 15 and brained and she lost her ability to count yeah she couldn't do math anymore yeah she has challenges other people don't but it's you know a lot of these people you know with shane gillis you know these are the same the guy with on snl these are the same people that are like talk about mental health all day and then they're tweeting this kid every single two minutes that he should be thrown out of a window. It's like you don't know any of these people personally. Right. And the idea that you could just wield this online mob.

And then the next day be like, hey, self-care is important. I know. It's crazy. It's so hypocritical but it's also like what we were talking about earlier about people leaving comments on your youtube yeah whatever it's like i get it it is what it is yeah i get it yeah you know and i don't think it helps to go back and forth with people yeah i think it just inflames people right but i do get where they're coming from just like i get the people that are hating on shane gillis right i get

the people that went after roseanne that when people see you limping man they start kicking you yeah it's a normal part of being a person yeah we've all seen it you know we've all seen it's one of the uglier components of our nature dude world star hip-hop's got some of the best examples of all time holy shit one guy gets punched he goes out cold and everybody starts kicking him yeah wow dude it's rough yeah i've seen a bunch of those a bunch yeah um yeah it's weird it's a part of being a person you know and mob mentality is fucking real it's real in person if you've ever experienced it i've been in a couple of situations before where it just felt like anything could break out at any moment and things got wild

Last one was at the Conor McGregor fight When Conor McGregor fought Khabib Nurmagomedov And then Khabib jumped out of the octagon And had a street fight with Dylan Danis And people are flying into the octagon Jumping over the top and punching Conor in the face It was one of those feelings like Holy shit anything can go on right now

And I'm still broadcasting Pure chaos Yeah but there's a feeling in the air and then if it did go crazy people would be swinging everybody would be swinging people would be brawling

with each other for no fucking reason people would just look at you and try to punch you you'd be like what what the fuck is this about sometimes things just go haywire

sometimes things go haywire and I think there's a built in part of being a person that recognizes when things are off the rails and you go off with them right you know what I mean and I think that's a built-in part of being a person that recognizes when things are off the rails and you go off with them right you know what i mean and i think that's what the mob mentality interesting because you're just scared of being alone no matter what it is you're scared

of being alone you'd rather be in the chaos with others have you ever talked to jamie kilstein not a little bit yeah i know he follows me on twitter he's a nice guy very nice guy he was a super duper social justice warrior. Right. And they turned on him. Right. And he realized, oh my God,

this is what I was doing. And he realized that he would go after people just to get this charge of seeing people respond. This dopamine rush. Attack a politician or attack an actor

and call someone a bigot or call someone a pedophile or whatever the fuck. Whatever it is. I don't think he did that, but whatever you wanted to call someone, he's just trying to press a button. And then the thing's coming back at you

and you get addicted to it. Yeah, it's dopamine. You get addicted to this game. Yeah. And we're all doing it. We're all doing it. And what we need is, not that there's anything wrong with it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with using Twitter and Instagram or any of these things. Don't get me wrong. But I think we've got to spend more time just talking to regular people. I think our race is slowly getting sucked into the machines. Do you think that maybe the next generation will be like Luddites or they'll be anti-technology or they'll at least –

No. No. There's no shot, right? There's no chance that the wave will recede a little bit and that people will recognize this? I don't think so. I think a few people are screaming out while the herd of us is running towards a cliff. Yeah, my friend, my friend, Jessa Reed, who's a very funny comic, her mother was saying, you know, she has daughters.

She goes, you know, you let the kids on the phones too much. She goes, mom, in 10 years, they're going to be the phone. She was like, the phone's going to be inside of them soon. So it's like, well, what am I fighting? You know, what am I fighting with? I limit my kids' time on the phones, except the older one, of course. Do you?

I just don't think that it, of course. Do you? He's going, I'm tired. I just don't think that it's a challenge that we ever faced. Are they allowed to watch InfoWars? All day. That's all we have. Thank God. We project it. What else is the keys?

Screen time. Screen time is a big key. Tell her about Epstein. Epstein didn't kill himself. That's big. You got to tell them that before they start Googling and running for themselves. They got to know. They got to know.

It fucks up your sleep when you're on. I fall asleep to a podcast. You're going to laugh. I used to fall asleep to Alex. I would listen to Alex's clips on YouTube and I would fall asleep to just ladies and gentlemen. And I would be able to put me to sleep. You know what I think his best video is to this day?

He's one of the greatest entertainers of our time. You got to watch him. When I first met him, he wasn't the Alex Jones that people see today. And I think the Alex Jones that he is today is changing because of his not drinking. Oh, yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Because he's clean for 90 days.

Interesting. He sounds different but what i'm thinking is when i first saw like 9-11 road to tyranny was one of the first videos that i ever watched i was like whoa like it's one of the first videos that ever opened my eyes up to certain conspiracies and one of them was the conspiracies of using agent provocateurs to incite violence yeah in riots to incite that feeling of chaos yeah and then that they use as an excuse for the police to come in and start arresting people because now it's no longer a peaceful protest and it's they do it all the time so he was making this argument about the world trade organization yeah wta yeah and so he showed all these videos of these guys coming in with government issue

work boots on they have like fucking the same souls as like government issue work boots they're wearing ski masks breaking buildings lighting shit on fire, smashing everything. And then the cops come in and clean everybody up. And then they actually made it a no protest zone. Interesting. So a guy went through or a woman, I forget which, but had a pin with a WTO on it with a red line on it. They told him you had to take that pin off. Yeah.

America. Yeah. Well, it's just every protest resistance movement has been infiltrated. The FBI did a COINTELPRO. They did it with the Black Panthers. They've just done it with everybody. But when he plays that video and you see that and it's like real clear, then you hear how it all played out,

that all the agent provocateurs wound up going to a safe house and then the police released them. That's crazy. They negotiated with the police and the police released them. You're like, wait a minute, what? Yeah. There's not even arrests made? It's probably somebody's job in the FBI

to dye their hair pink and go into Portland and start throwing rocks at Ben Shapiro or something. Back then, they were just allowed to wear ski masks and shit. Right. They would just start smashing shit, and you couldn't even know who they were. Yeah.

And you just assumed that that was good. I mean, it's such a crazy way to stop a protest, and I never thought about it until I watched the video. But a smart way, too, when you think about it. It's fucking real smart. You know, it's... These guys know what they're doing. But they've been doing that kind of shit forever. Yeah. You know, that's like standard operational procedure.

100%. Fucking... This is a weird time for conspiracies. It's weird. They've gone mainstream, which is not good. Yes. Very dangerous. It's very dangerous. Well, Trump's into a lot of them. He's into a lot of them, He's into a lot of them. And I think there's not a huge, there's only a small group of people that want a rational discussion about them. Right.

People really just want to be emotionally fed. Does this feel right to me? Yeah. And there's a, like I had a guy call me today, he's a very smart guy. He wrote The Franklin Scandal, which is a book about the original Epstein thing, like the original sex trafficking thing. What's that? Well, The Franklin Scandal was a, it trafficking thing. What's that? Well, the Franklin scandal was a,

it was a scandal out of Omaha, Nebraska, the Franklin Credit Union, where there was a guy who was embezzling money and then he was being investigated for that, but they said he has all this money because he's running an interstate pedophile network and he's pandering kids to, you know, people in Washington, D.C. and New York.

And there was a headline in the Washington Post or the Washington Times that were like, call boys get a tour of the Reagan White House. And, you know, there was a headline in the Washington Post or the Washington Times that were like, call boys get a tour of the Reagan White House. And, you know, this was a scandal with real victims who wanted to testify

and then people started dying. You know, the private investigator they hired, his plane broke up. One of the girls that testified was found guilty of perjury

and then she was put in solitary confinement. They had to use two grand juries in Omaha to get rid of this scandal. And it's one of, now it's not as sexy as like a pizza gate or something because it happened the 80s and 90s but this shows you the blueprint for the government you know using marshalling resources to to silence people that were victims of this stuff this is not new congressman senators

blackmail being used by intelligence agencies. None of it's new. It was pioneered by the mafia. Whitney Webb, who lives in Chile, and I've had her on my show. She writes a lot about this stuff. If you want people to talk, you need info. You need leverage. There's no more leverage than you having sex with somebody who's underage. Then they own you forever if they have photo, audio, video of you doing that.

So these things have been going on for a while the franklin scandal was one of the first but you know the guy who wrote it this guy nick bryant called me today and he goes i can't get any agents it's very hard because like you know the reality is mainstream media is uninterested in in a lot of these stories unless they're current and they're sexy and online fringe people are only interested if they're insane well there's so many of them now though too yeah so many it's hard to keep like you you were just saying that you were just in dallas did you do the drive did you do the i didn't do the drive but i went to the x where he was uh shot where he was shot there was five canadians

there and they were like i was just started giving them an impromptu tour of Dallas because they were like, is this where Kennedy got wet? And I'm like, yeah, this is how it happened. How many people do you think have stood there and went like this? Right. Yeah. I wanted to do it. Yeah, there it is. There it is.

I wanted to do it with a Popeye's chicken sandwich and just write, you know, this is America. It says this is where Princess Diana was killed. Yeah, we just had a little fun. Is that really where Kennedy was killed though? That's exactly where he was shot. That's exactly where. And how cryptic is that look how angry you look yeah you're a crazy person well i'm just trying to have a little fun i understand

it's a weird thing to joke around it's i know but then you go to the school book depository and it is super close it could have happened oh for sure percent listen everybody who says there's no way he could have made those shots is out of their fucking mind. It's not that far. That is not the thing that makes me think it's a conspiracy. It's literally everything else. It's every other component of the story. It's Oswald being shot immediately. Oswald surely could have been in on it. Of course.

Of course. He could have definitely been in on it. Or he could have definitely been set up both of those things are possible and and dallas has an interesting energy because of that yeah it's a great city but it does feel like it feels like a city of thing people that keep their mouth shut a lot of big corporate steakhouses high-end hotels yeah a lot of people carving up you know deals you know it just feels like feels like something's going on. Yeah, there it is. There it is.

So that's where he is, and that's the building up there. See, that's not that far. It can happen. I think they said it's just like 150 yards or something like that. It's not. When you're actually there, it looks even closer than this. Yeah. How many yards was it, Jamie?

Find out how many yards Oswald had to shoot to hit Kennedy. But it's totally doable. And people that say that's not, you're crazy. They're nuts. And people that say that you can't load a gun that fast, maybe you can't. I bet you someone can do it faster than you. Yeah. I've seen guys use bolt

action rifles fast as fuck. Could they get off three shots in that amount of time? I don't know, but I'm not I don't think it's magic. I don't think it's like something impossible. The other thing they said was like that the scope was off. Like anybody said that doesn't know shit about scopes. All you have to do is handle it a little bit, drop it, bang it against things.

It was to me, it was the idea that that guy was killed immediately. And then obviously I've read a couple of books on it, but the idea that he gets killed immediately. Yeah. That's where you go. Something's wrong. Oh yeah. Something's just completely., something's wrong. Oh, yeah. Something's just completely... 183 meters is what I just found.

183 meters. What is that in yards? It's about 200 yards. Is it? That's what this says. I don't know if this is what the accurate measurement was, but that's what I just found. That's interesting.

I didn't know it was that much of a disparity. This says it was never more than 90 yards from Oswald's supposed location. So there's a lot, I mean. Oh, okay. So where he went when he got the final shot was that far? It was 200 yards? No, that doesn't make any sense. It was never more than 90 yards from Oswald's location.

How does that work? Two separate. I didn't know that 183 meters was 200 yards. That's crazy. Yeah, a meter is pretty close to a yard. Yeah, it's pretty similar. Right, but that's why I thought it would be like 185 or something like that. There's actually a formula for doing that, for converting meters to yards.

You add one of the last numbers or some shit. I forget how it works. It's an interesting thing because it really is... You know, Christopher Hitchens said that the Kennedy assassination was the movement that... Like, that moment was the psychic movement of the 60s started. Like, that was the fracturing of reality for a lot of people in the same way that maybe Epstein was. Where it just kind of... No, the president's got to be way bigger.

It's huge. It was huge. No, a president's got to be way bigger. It's huge. It was huge. It was this big thing that was a traumatic event that people dealt with in a bunch of different ways. No one's sitting around going, do you remember where you were? Yeah, when Epstein died. Well, you don't have the friends I do. There's a lot of people on Reddit saying that.

But it's like 9-11. Of course. Almost. Yeah. Similar. Those are the events. Unless you knew somebody in 9-11 yeah it's probably bigger do you think it's possible that down the road not that the

government like did it but that they we find out that there was a substantial cover-up you know we didn't know about saudi arabia their involvement for a while there's for 9-11 yeah do you think it's possible that we just you don't the whole story? It's totally possible. I don't have any idea what was being done or who was involved. I know that there was a bunch of hijackers, and they flew planes into those buildings, but who was behind that? Who the fuck knows? How would we know?

Great question. What part of Saudi Arabia where they all came from? Where did they get their orders from? How did they organize this? I think they know a certain amount, and I think a certain amount they'll they'll probably never know yeah and we'll all go to our death not knowing what do you think about that one that got shot down they've shot that let's roll one yeah they shot that down yeah you know yeah they said that thing the flight the the uh rubbish the wreckage was scattered for miles yeah i mean there's there's no way they didn't shut that down.

But there's a lot of things about that day where you look back at it and you go, this is just weird. Yeah. It's weird that a building fell that wasn't hit by anything. It's just weird. I'm not saying it can't happen, but that's odd. It's definitely odd. That's odd. The way it looks is odd.

It looks like a controlled demolition. Yeah. If you watch the full version, there's a guy who used to be like a full-on 9-11 truther, and then he started paying attention. Then the CIA started paying him. Yeah. He started just paying attention to the flaws in his way of thinking. Sure.

And one of the things that he found out was that the version of Tower 7 that most people see is a version that's very quick. It implodes and it just falls down. But for minutes before that, you can watch the center of the thing Collapse inside of it Have you ever seen that version? I've never seen that version Can we see that one?

Full version of Tower 7 collapsing You can find one that includes The 9-11 people get so crazy There were no buildings, it's all holograms There were no planes, New York doesn't exist It's nuts But I want to see the no planes. New York doesn't exist. I mean, it's nuts. But I want to see the uncut Building 7. Did a plane hit the Pentagon?

I think so. Well, okay, but just release. I just want to see one video of it happening. Just show me one video. Do you think they have a video? There's 80 cameras on the Pentagon. Just show me one video of it happening. I think it probably happened.

Is there one video of a plane hitting the Pentagon? There's one, but it's very weird. The frames are very weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. Just show me one video of it happening. I think it probably happened. Is there one video of a plane hitting the Pentagon? There's one, but it's very weird. The frames are very weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. Just show me the video. I want to believe

a plane hit the Pentagon. The rover on the fucking moon is taking beautiful videos. This is what I'm saying. This is the problem. This is the issue. You imagine if you have some shit that's like

a thousand times worse than one of them doorbell cameras. Yeah. They got a thousand times worse viewing the of them doorbell cameras. They got a thousand times worse. And it was viewing the goddamn Pentagon. They're putting it together from cell phone cameras. I get.

I understand that technology was different. Just show me a video of a plane hitting the Pentagon. I'm good. I'm with you. What do you think? It could be a missile? I don't know. But I just want to know why there's no one video.

We got to see a video. Isn't that crazy? Why am I crazy for saying, can I just see one video of the thing happening that you said happened? Well, did you know that, maybe this is not true, and Jamie's going to be checking this one out soon. The area in the Pentagon that got hit was refortified. Was the same area where they were doing the accounting. Yeah. Where they were trying to figure out where the trillion dollars is missing

that Rumsfeld was talking about on camera. I think the day before, right? Yeah. It's an interesting situation. Didn't he say that there's missing money? Yeah. Wasn't Rumsfeld out on the lawn? These people, what are they doing?

They're just doing press. You're not in a bunker. You're out on the lawn. I don't know what they doing? They're just doing press. You're not in a bunker. You're out on the lawn. I don't know what happened. Listen. It was something crazy, like trillions of dollars. 2.3. It's a 2.3 trillion.

Oh, my God. I mean, you know. And so the next day, see if that's true, that that area of the Pentagon that held the accounting. I don't think they tell you what. Just see if you can Google the area of the Pentagon that was hit contained the accounting offices. Jamie, I believe the dark web will have it. I don't think they tell you what. Just see if you can Google the area of the Pentagon that was hit contained the accounting offices. Jamie, I believe the dark web will have it. I don't think they would tell you that. The dark web will have it, Jamie.

I feel like I read that, though. I understand your suspicion, but I just like you to just... I'm trying to lie or you're trying to look at something. I heard that Building 7 had a lot of financial records in it. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. Is it NSA? I don't know.

All the satellite dishes that were pointed at Epstein's fuck island. Listen, here's the thing with the way I look at conspiracies. I don't want to believe in any of them. Right. That's the whole thing. I want there to be a plan to hit the Pentagon. I want it all to be what it is. I have no investment. We know that a bunch of elites were going to an island to have sex with underage

girls. Yeah, of course. They could do whatever. They don't care. But we also know like, hey, how much of this is true? Right. This is a wacky one. Yeah. This is one that if you told your mom, like, 10 years ago, she'd be like, Timmy, you're back on the drugs. Yeah.

She would. She'd be like, the fuck is wrong with you? No one's going to an island to fuck kids. But it's the same thing. It's like, now that that's on the the table you look at other events and you're like well we don't know necessarily how all of these things happen no we don't know we don't know we don't know we just have to go there's listen there's conservative firefight like fire companies from queens right from out by long island that like because they've gotten sick

and stuff have demanded like a new investigation. And these are not crazy people. These are people that just go, listen, we're all dying from first responders and things. We want to know exactly what the hell we breathed in and what the hell is going on. Well, it's all the burning chemicals from the basement of the building, right? Wasn't that the idea? Those fires burn forever. I guess that's what it is. Yeah, those guys got so many of them got sick.

So many of them got cancer. It's horrible. It's horrific. It's really fucked up. Donna Summers died from that. Donna Summers, the disco person? Well, I don't really care about that. Stop.

I'm kidding. How dare you? I like her. She's amazing. She's great, but was she saving people at 9-11? No, no, no. She had an apartment that was near the site of the building. Donna Summers running into the building. I think you live down there, man. If you have apartment that was near the site of the building. It's like Donna Summer's running into the building.

Dude, I think you live down there, man. If you have an apartment down there and you can't move, you're breathing that air, man. Interesting. She died of lung cancer, I think. I thought she was a smoker. I don't think she was. I thought she would just smoke cigarettes and do coke and live a fun disco life. How dare you?

I think she found the Lord. I had no idea she was a first responder. After she gave up on all that hot love, she found the Lord. She was going through the wreckage. Yeah. No, she was not going through the wreckage. She was just living there. She was just living in her apartment.

Okay. I think that's the idea. Of course. There are people that are probably very sick. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. And they were lied to about the risks. Well, I don't think anybody knew.

That's true. Nobody had ever had to endure an inferno in the basement of a gigantic building in the metropolitan city that lasted for weeks crazy right after planes crash all the dust is in the air all the fucking pollutants yeah particulates and everybody's breathing all that shit in i mean you gotta go back to work eventually right yeah so when you go back to work a week later two weeks later guess what the air still fucked up yeah well i'm sorry to hear about Donna Summer. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's correct.

Yeah. But I'm wrong a lot. Can you pull up a video of Donna Summer breathing in the fumes at Ground Zero? You fuck. She's great. I saw her at Jones Beach. She was really good. Did you? You saw her live?

I saw her at Jones Beach live. What year was this? She was older. It was her comeback. It was like 2000. Donna Summer blamed 9-11 for lung cancer. It was like comeback. It was like 2000. Donna Summer blamed 9-11 for lung cancer. It was like 2000. She was coming back.

She released a greatest hits album. You and your ad blocker, you son of a bitch. Those ad blockers. Yeah. My producer, Ben, has them too. And he's always got them. Look at that. Donna Summer, 9-11 gave me cancer.

Well, that's not a fun song, is gave me cancer well that's not a fun song is it no that's not a fun song summer was convinced that inhaling toxic air after 9-11 gave her the lung cancer that eventually killed her tmz has learned source close to the singer tells tmz who we're hearing this morning that donna was in a new york in new york city during 9-11 living at an apartment near ground zero donna became almost paranoid about breathing the air which was heavy with a rancid odor gotta move you gotta move gotta move in the months and years following 9-11 donna's feelings intensified one source tells us that when he was around donna she would constantly spray some sort of disinfectant in the air danny terrio the horse host of dance fever tells us

when he was around donna post 9-, she would hang six sheets in her dressing room to prevent dust from coming in. Well, she sounds like she did die of it. And she also sounds like she was being annoying in the end. She sounds like she's being a little annoying. With her sheets. It's a little annoying, Donna. Yeah, I guess she probably didn't have the money to move.

I mean, I don't know you would think last dance i mean this but yeah my dad saw her once performing in bars it was rough sometimes people just spend all that money yeah i have nothing left it's tough man it's a tough it's a marathon career well especially music and back then like who knows what kind of fucking crazy contract they were under oh they were under some yeah they were like you only get a certain percentage everybody else gets all the real royalties. Taylor Swift has that right now, right? She's got a problem.

Someone owns the rights to her song and she's not allowed to play some songs and she was complaining on Twitter. But I guess it's like someone buys the rights to your song. And that's it. It is what it is. Yeah, like if you're an artist, I think

I think it's her manager, Scooter you're an artist, and I think... I think it's her manager's scooter. I think it's her former manager, right? Her former manager bought all the rights to her music. Yeah, man, there's like... It's what it is, you know. It's a dirty business.

It's a dirty game. That's the dirtiest game. This is what it is, though. Don't you think, in all of Hollywood, that's the dirtiest game? Because they take a full 360 deal. Like, they'll take everything.

Yeah, that's a dirty game. Child acting seems also rough from some documentaries I've seen. take everything that's a dirty game child acting seems also rough from some documentaries i've seen oh that's the roughest that seems rough i was a child actor but i failed i didn't even make it to la i mean i was doing like i was doing shows in long island you know high schools oh good it was rough thank god yeah you got a taste i was a yeah i got a taste i mean audition for big thing and i was a good looking kid too i mean that was i peaked like when i was like seven and a half and then it's been just a steady decline but the

the thing is kids that go into that they're it's bad it's bad did you see Corey Feldman on Good Day New York when he's dressed in all black

and he's like jumping around like an MK Ultra victim it's like oh this kid went through some shit that is horrific do you remember when he used to do shows and he had Corey

and his angels yeah yeah I had friends that would just go see that because it was really the best thing to watch. Yeah. Yeah. It's – But music is shitty.

Nobody gets through. Nobody gets through. You don't make it out of this town alive, really. No. They'll eat you. This town will eat you alive. Not like that you don't. Right.

Not like that you don't. This town will eat you alive. Yeah. Yeah. But you still got to stay. You can't leave. You can't escape to some beautiful, quiet, luxury. Because you set a great example.

When you're gone, it'll just be, you know, God only knows who's going to step in. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be not good. Jesus Christ. You know? Who knows? You're so lucky you weren't a musician, right?

Yeah. My dad was a musician, but it didn't really work out that well. I mean, he was really good and really talented, but he didn't really go to the next level. But music sucks. Well, imagine being in a band and you've got to make sure the other guys show up at rehearsal. Yeah, it's tough. And they don't want to. It's hard. And one of the guy's girlfriends wants to get married and have a baby and wants him to quit the band and get a job.

And you're like, Tommy, we're going on the road. What are you doing? Well, yeah. Well a baby and wants me to quit the band and get a job. Yeah. Like Tommy, we're going on the road. What are you doing? Yeah. Cindy really wants me to stick around. I didn't get into sketch comedy. I didn't get into improv. I didn't get into doing anything with like a team. I just wanted to be able to motivate myself.

Yeah. Because that's, and I, I just, I manage myself. Do you? That's it. I mean, I'm no, no, I have a manager. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I mean.

Just handle yourself yourself not a team of people yeah i mean i have a guy that i work with ben who edits all my videos who's great who i love but i don't i don't have an interest in like having a sketch group right right of people yeah i want to be able to be light and fast and do things that i want to do when i want to move stick and move hustler are you still keto you know, there's been issues, but there's been some issues. What's the issues? I can keto today. I've been keto today.

All day. I had scrubbed it. The issue is New York. New York's a problem. New York's a problem. Calzones? All of the, you know, pasta isn't, listen, New York's a problem. LA, there's no good carbs.

What? There's not a lot of good carbs here Joe the Italian restaurants here I mean nobody these people here are animals to be honest it's all drugs and you know

whatever else they're into kids or whatever the point is they can't make a great like a linguine and clam you can't get that here but in New York but if you go to Brooklyn

it's like come on so listen there was small issues you can't get it here there's only a few places though okay and don't tell me them please okay but i'm i'm back now and it's there it's been a good positive trend and i sound

like uh like kamala harris start spreading the news yeah but no it's it's come it's it's all good i i text shab food he tells me if i can eat it or not beautiful yeah he had a cookie though but he had a cookie he's got a t-shirt that says the Keto Kid. You should buy it and wear it and just remind yourself every day. He can give me a free one because he doesn't need any money. He'll give you a free one. He'll give me a free one. But I mean, I saw him. He had a cookie once and I said

well, how am I supposed to... You're going to be the Keto Kid? Yeah, Keto Kid 2. You're the Keto Kid. Keto Kid. Keto forever. Tell them to give you five of those. You wear one every day of the week. The problem was I started to go to GNC and they're like, we have a keto brownie. And I'm like, okay, but that's a problem. Most of those taste like shit. They taste like shit and then they just make you want a real one.

Yes. So you just have to not do that. Some of them are pretty good. There's some pretty good keto cookies. There's some keto cookie companies. It's not that easy to nail. It's not that easy to just fucking totally dial in. It's a tough thing to do.

Yeah. Just eat regular food. Eat real food. The thing for you, man, if you just cut out the sugar in the bread. Cut out the sugar in the bread. No, I know. I lost, and I still kept most of it off. I just got to keep going. Are you hiking or anything?

I don't like hiking. I don't like the way the earth looks in LA. The earth looks like it's horrible. It's burned. It's an arid wasteland. But I like go to areas like Hancock Park and I like walk around wealthy areas. Hancock Park's nice. I like it there. Have you ever been to Griffiths Park?

I went there once. I saw a coyote and he ran away from me. You got to bring a knife or a gun but you should go. Who's going to attack? Coyotes just fear me. I saw a coyote. He ran away from me. You've got to bring a knife or a gun, but you should go. Well, who's going to attack? Coyotes just fear me. They don't attack me. They look at me and they go, it's a bear, and they leave. Eventually, they're going to kill a person.

It might be you. One day. If I'm the first guy to get killed by coyotes in Griffith Park, that's exactly the way I deserve to go. You wouldn't be the first. They've been hiding shit. But you know what I'm doing now? Swimming, because I used to be a great swimmer.

I was a great swimmer. Didn't a guy get bit by a coyote at Griffith Park? Didn't they bit a homeless man? I think they bit a homeless man while he was asleep. Well, we're taking his word for it. You don't believe him? He had a bite. Of course.

Yeah. From another homeless person. I think so. And they blamed him on a coyote. Yeah, he blamed him on a coyote. He blamed him on a coyote. That's a coyote. He wanted money from the city.

Yeah. Did a homeless guy get bit by a coyote? Do you ever swim? Swimming is one of the greatest exercises. Montebello Park. Oh, Montebello Park. Two years ago. Three years ago.

Well, I do swim, but I got to tell you, I had a nightmare that you're just reminding me. Yeah. That I was swimming last night and there were sharks in the water. And I was swimming back at night from some place and everybody was just doing it we're all just taking a chance I'm like oh my god we're so crazy that's crazy this could be the time where one of us dies and they're like dude people swim so often it's so rare that people get bit by sharks yeah and I was just thinking yeah but it does happen it's not like seagulls

don't kill people right when you're around seagulls you're like are you sure yeah never killed anyone ever it can happen I mean I to, I do it in a pool. I don't, but I'll go to the ocean too, but I'll swim like laps. So swimming's amazing. I gotta, that's the real, that's a great exercise. It's such a great exercise. It wears you the fuck out and it's like super low impact. Yeah, it's low impact.

Because I'm not going to do like a jujitsu, like I'm not going to do something like that, but, and I don't like hiking and I don't really like running. What about like a row of boxing? Yeah really like running. What about heroic boxing? Yeah, maybe. Like housewife boxing? Yeah, maybe. Housewife boxing? Thank you for that suggestion.

Where would housewife boxing be? I'd love to get involved with housewife boxing. We'll find out where you are. What's a gym near you? One West Hollywood. I'm right down the block from the improv. Oh, yeah. There's got to be spots.

There's a spot on Sunset that Justin Bieber invested in. Oh, Unbreakable Gyms? I will absolutely fight women at Housewife Boxing and swim and then get back on key. Who do you want to challenge for the intergender championship of the world? I think me and Chelsea. You and Chelsea? I have to do it because it's not a gimme.

She's a tough woman. She's very mean.'s not a gimme. She's a tough woman. She's very mean. She'll come get you. She's a mean woman. She elbowed me in a plane once. She didn't even know that she was doing it. She was in first class. I was walking to coach, and she just kind of went like this.

So I kind of want a rematch. I think it would be a good thing for comedy for me to fight her. Okay. Dude, it's almost 7 o'clock. Let's wrap this up. Wild. Thank you again. Tim motherf wrap this up Wild Thank you again Tim motherfucking Dillon

Thank you again Now I'm sorry I got the show banned No it was fun From YouTube It was really fun It was a good last episode It was a good time For all of us

I enjoyed it I enjoyed it very much Thank you brother Thanks brother Bye everybody Oh tell everybody your Instagram Your Twitter Tim J Dillon

D-I-L-L-O-N On Instagram and Twitter And the Tim Dillon Show Podcast And on YouTube Thank you Woo Thank you dude A lot of fun now.

I hope Chelsea Handler doesn't...